CALM DOWN

TOOLBOX
6 Powerful DBT Emotion Regulation
Strategies to Help Adolescents Cope
with Big Feelings

Let’s face it, helping adolescents learn and use coping strategies when they’re upset can feel
impossible at times. Kids seem to get the breathing exercises, the journaling, and whatever other
interventions you introduce in sessions. Some even enjoy it! However, the moment they get
triggered, all that goes out the window and they are yelling, arguing, and having an epic
meltdown.
I’ve been around my fair share of angry, screaming kids and know what it’s like to feel ineffective
and like a failure for not being able to help them cope.
Thankfully, I was able to get trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and learned several
emotion regulation strategies that really made a difference in how my kiddos coped with their
feelings. Now, these tools won’t ‘fix’ kids or end their meltdowns. However, kids will gain a
variety of tools, that when practiced consistently, will help them learn how to stay calm and
grounded in emotionally triggering situations.

What Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a treatment approach designed to help people who feel their
emotions intensely. It can help adolescents understand and accept difficult feelings and learn
skills to manage them.

DBT works by combining two sets of skills. The first set of skills are mindfulness skills. These skills
help children understand and accept difficult feelings. The second set of skills come from
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), which helps kids learn how to change unhelpful thoughts and
behaviors.
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DBT focuses on four primary skills: mindfulness, improving interpersonal relationships, emotional
regulation, and distress tolerance. The strategies below focus on emotion regulation.

Here are six DBT coping strategies you can use to help adolescents learn to cope with big
feelings:

1. Ride The Wave. Encourage kids to experience their emotions like waves in the ocean. When
they're feeling big emotions, they can imagine being on a surfboard riding the waves of their
feelings. It's important to remind kids that even though some waves are stronger than others,
they will all pass. They might feel one way now, but that feeling won't last forever. See DBT
Emotion Regulation Skills cheat sheet for how to ride the wave.

2. Opposite Action. Explain to kids that their bodies cause them to react to their emotions in
specific ways. This is why when they experience an emotion, a behavior usually comes with it.
For instance, if they're angry, they might yell and fight. If they're sad, they might cry or stop
hanging out with friends.

Doing the opposite action can help kids cope with their feelings. If they usually yell when they're
angry, they can take the opposite action and talk quietly and politely. If they usually avoid trying
new things when they feel anxious, they can take Opposite Action and do the thing they want to
avoid.

3. Check The Facts. Ask kids if they can remember a time when they overreacted to something
or thought something was a big deal that wasn’t important. Let them know that in times like
these, they can check the facts to help manage their feelings.

You can help kids check the facts by asking them the following questions:

• What happened right before you started feeling this way?

• When you think about what happened, what thoughts do you notice? What do you think
these thoughts mean?

• What are the facts of what happened? Do your feelings match the facts of what happened
or do you feel the way you do because of what you're thinking?

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4. ABC PLEASE. An unhealthy body can make it difficult to manage big emotions. Therefore,
it's important to teach kids the connection between taking care of their bodies and being able
to cope with their feelings.

The ABC PLEASE skill helps kids learn how to take care of their bodies so that they're less likely
to be vulnerable to emotional meltdowns and disease. See DBT Emotion Regulation Skills
cheat sheet for the details of ABC PLEASE.

5. A Model Of Emotions DBT’s model of emotions is a useful tool to help adolescents

understand how their emotions are influenced by their thoughts, urges, body language, and
body sensations. It's helpful to have kids reflect on the model of emotions after they've had a
meltdown. You can do this by asking them the following questions:

• What happened before the triggering event that made you vulnerable to a meltdown?
• What happened right before you started feeling upset?
• What thoughts came up for you about what happened? What did you think those thoughts
meant?
• What sensations, body language, or urges did you experience?
• What did you say? What did you do?
• What name best describes the emotion you felt? How intense was the emotion?
• How did you feel after the emotional situation was over?

6. Problem Solving. Sometimes kids will have unpleasant feelings about something
someone else did or about a situation they can't change. The problem solving skill can help
kids collect the facts and take steps to solve a problem that they are in control to change.
See DBT Emotion Regulation Skills cheat sheet for problem solving steps.

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Who Can Benefit from the DBT Calm Down Toolbox?
According to Rathus and Miller (2015), creators of the DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents, "DBT
skills can help middle and high school kids with normal moodiness, occasional relational
difficulties, and with impulsive behaviors. Many normal adolescents experience some degree
of emotional dysregulation, so learning DBT skills can be useful to them.” DBT skills can also be
beneficial in the school setting for adolescents at risk for developing a mental illness.

Common Obstacles to Teaching DBT Skills

While the DBT Calm Down Toolbox can help kids effectively cope with big feelings, some kids
might have a hard time successfully using DBT skills. Below are some common obstacles to
using DBT emotion regulation skills and how to navigate them.

Obstacle 1: Lack of motivation

Some kids aren't motivated to use DBT skills, especially if they're upset and in the middle of an
emotional meltdown.

Solution: Start with small manageable steps and build momentum over time. For instance, if a
child is anxious, instead of having them "check the facts", encourage them to do a body check
and notice any sensations in their bodies.

Obstacle 2: Lack of Understanding

Some kids don't understand the DBT skills and struggle to use them when they're having a hard
time.

Solution: It might help to spend more time reviewing and practicing the skills. The more kids
can practice these skills when they're calm, the more likely they are to successfully use them to
cope in difficult situations.

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Obstacle 3: Emotional Meltdown
When kids’ emotions threaten to swell and burst at any minute, it's hard for them to implement
coping strategies. Their thinking brain is off-line and their emotional brain is in control.
Solution: It can be helpful to teach kids self soothing (i.e. take warm shower, drink a warm drink)
and distraction techniques (i.e. watching TV, listen to music) to manage overwhelming emotions
in the short term. Once the intensity of their feelings reduces a little, they can use DBT skills.

Obstacle 4: Unable to Co-regulate

Co-regulation is the supportive process between caring adults and children that supports
children's ability to self-regulate in emotional situations. Before kids can learn to self regulate,
they need to be able to co-regulate.

Solution: You can help children learn to co-regulate by:

• Providing a warm, responsive relationship by showing care and positive regard
• Creating an environment that is physically and emotionally safe for children to explore and
learn self-regulation skills.
• Teaching kids self-regulation skills and provide them with support to self-regulate when
needed

Citation: Rathus, J.H., & Miller, A.L.(2015). DBT skills manual for adolescents. New York: The
Guilford Press

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 DBT EMOTION REGULATION SKILLS
ABC PLEASE
Accumulate Positive Emotions
• Do things you enjoy so you can build up
how often you feel positive emotions
• Short term: Mindfully do something you
enjoy everyday. Long term: Plan
pleasant activities in the future
Build Mastery
• Participate in activities that make you feel
confident and proud of yourself
• EXAMPLE: Try a new hobby
CHECK THE FACTS9
When you’re upset, you might misinterpret a
situation. Ask yourself these questions to check
the facts:
• What happened right before you started
feeling this way?
• When you think about what happened, what
thoughts do you notice? What do you think
these thoughts mean?
• What are the facts of what happened? Do
your feelings match the facts of what
happened, or do you feel the way you do
because of what you’re thinking

Cope Ahead OPPOSITE ACTION

• Prepare and rehearse a plan ahead of
time to cope with stressful situations.
PLEASE Take Care of Your Body
• Physical ILlness-Take care of your physical health and
get illnesses treated
• Eat well: Keep a balanced diet
• Avoid Mood Altering Substances including drugs and
alcohol
• Sleep: Keep a healthy sleep routine
• Exercise: Try and exercise for at least 20 minutes a
day
PROBLEM SOLVING
When you feel upset because of something someone else
did or there’s a situation you can’t change, follow the
problem solving steps to cope.
1. Take slow deep breaths to calm your brain and body down
2. Identify the problem
3. Reflect on how the problem gets in the way of you reaching
your goals
4. Brainstorm things you can do to solve the problem
5. Choose the best solution
6. If the solution doesn’t work, try a different solution
When it feels like your emotions are controlling
you, practice opposite action by doing the
opposite of what you usually do when you feel
this way.
EXAMPLE: If you usually yell and argue when
you get mad, try talking quietly and respectfully
the next time you feel angry
MODEL OF EMOTIONS
Walk through the model of emotions after a
meltdown
• What happened right before you got upset?
• What thoughts came up for you about what
happened? What did you think those
thoughts meant?
• What sensations, body language, or urges
did you experience?
• What did you say? What did you do?
• What name describes the emotion you felt?
• How did you feel after the emotional
situation was over?

RIDE THE WAVE

Riding the wave is a helpful DBT tool that helps you to experience your feelings without getting overwhelmed by
them.

Feel your emotions as a wave coming and going. Don’t try to get rid of your emotions and don’t try to push them away.
Don’t hold on to them. Don’t make your feelings bigger than they are. Don’t judge yourself for feeling this way. Accept
your feelings as part of who you are.
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 Ride The Wave
Ride The Wave is a DBT technique that allows you to cope with big feelings. You get to experience
your emotions as a wave coming and going. All you need to do is step back and notice your
feelings rise and fall.
PEAK
This is when your emotions
RISE feel the most intense.
Emotions are getting
bigger. This might happen FALL
slowly or very suddenly. Your feelings start to feel
less intense and fade away.

TRIGGER
A feeling is triggered by a
person, situation, thought,
or something else

EXPERIENCE YOUR EMOTIONS

• Notice your feelings
• Imagine your feelings are like waves, coming and going
• What color is your feeling? What shape is it?
• Just keep noticing your feelings
• Don’t try to get rid of it
• Don’t try to hold on to it
• Just let your feelings rise and fall

NOTICE YOUR BODY SENSATIONS

Where in your body do you feel your emotions? What does it feel like? (i.e. tight chest, butterflies in tummy,
racing heart)
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CONNECT TO THE PRESENT MOMENT

5: Notice FIVE things you see around you (i.e. a pen, a spot on the ceiling)
4: Notice FOUR things you can touch (i.e. a chair, your hair, the ground under your feet)
3: Notice THREE things you hear (i.e. a fan, dog barking, TV)
2: Notice TWO things you can smell (i.e. food, air freshener)
1: Notice ONE thing you can taste (i.e. what does the inside of your mouth taste like?)
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