I Was a Screen–Time Expert.

Then the Coronavirus

Happened.
By Anya Kamenetz Published July 27, 2020 -
Updated Aug. 9, 2020 (New York Times)

An author reflects on her pre-pandemic pronouncements about children’s technology use and offers new
advice, like focus on feelings, not screens.

Before the pandemic, I was a parenting expert. I delivered conferences and told worried parents about the nine
signs of tech overuse, like ditching sleep for screens. I advised them to write a “family media contract” and
trust, but verify, their tweens’ doings online. While I was on the road, my two daughters were enjoying modest,
cute little doses of Peppa Pig and Roblox, in between happily attending school, preschool, after -school activities
and (1) play dates, safe in the care of their father, grandmother and our full-time nanny.

Now, like Socrates, I know better. I know that I know nothing.

My point being: I have never, ever, spent this much time with my children, or anyone’s children, as I have over
the past four months during shelter-in-place orders. Nor have I contemplated working full time, while my
husband also works full time, without sufficient child care, let alone while dealing with multiple weekly
deadlines and 5 a.m. live radio hits, in an insanely stressful 24-hour news cycle where it’s actually, kind of, my
job to (2) doom scroll through Twitter (well, at least it’s job-adjacent).

I want to take this moment to apologize to anyone who faced similar constraints before the pandemic and felt
judged or shamed by my, or anyone’s, implication that they weren’t good parents because they weren’t
successfully enforcing a “healthy balance” with screens, either for themselves or their children.

An immediate consequence of the pandemic is that strict screen-time limits — which were always largely the
province of more privileged families, like mine — went out the door, everywhere. In March, when most
children in the United States were sent home from school, traffic to Zoom more than tripled and more than
doubled for Google Classroom.
But on reflection, some of the ideas and principles I used to intone so confidently have actually shown their
mettle in new ways in this new world. I offer them to you now, humbly. I speak softly and do not carry a mic.

Connect with other people

Lean into video chat and real-time interactions. And play games, watch TV and videos — to be more specific,
watch the “Hamilton” movie — together as a family.

Go slow
Decades of research on graphic violence in movies and video games has suggested exposure can foster fear and
desensitization. In children, extremely fast-paced media are suspected to challenge attention spans. And a lot
of popular video games and many children’s apps have bells and whistles that can make them very hard to stop
playing and also can hurt our children’s developing attentiveness.
Look for media that are slower. They are harder to consume compulsively and make the brain do a little more
work. For littles, YouTube is full of read-aloud videos by the likes of the former first lady Michelle Obama and
the actor Josh Gad.

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Older kids do better with audiobooks and podcasts. On rainy days, my big girl can clock hours with her favourite
dragon book series while drawing or colouring on the iPad, and the little one will sit next to her and listen for 30
blissful minutes at a time.

Reduce and repair, don’t eliminate

Explosive emotions when the screens turn off are very common, especially among children with attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism, or other behavioural or mental health issues, and typically younger
children do this, too. Sometimes this is an issue of quantity and other times the problem is the type of activity.
Ideally, if this shows up, we try to limit the kinds of screen-time most associated with those behaviours. Maybe
it’s the time of day that matters most, or the length of time, or a certain kind of show.
Digital addiction
It can be hard for children to move on from screen-time, but it doesn’t always have to be a battle. You might
fail at limiting screen-time. Or you might choose not to limit it, because you have to work or do something else.
In that case, you need a plan B: Prepare for and weather the tantrum with some physical activity, reassurances,
a snack or all of the above. Talking to your child in advance about the screen hangover can help pre -empt it,
especially as they get older and more self-aware.

Focus on feelings, not on screens

What I’ve come to realize with clarity in these dark, anxious times is that so many of our problems “with
technology” don’t emanate from the screens that our children are glued to but from the disruption and
alienation that creeps into our own relationships with ourselves and others as we allow our experiences and
tough emotions to be mediated, numbed out, blurred, by media.
The antidote is connecting to our bodies and our feelings. And we can do this for our kids, with our kids, and
because of our kids. They need us to be strong and they need us to be soft, too.
Check in, ask them how they’re feeling, and help them locate emotions as physical feelings in their body. Start
to develop a toolbox with them of coping strategies they can use when they feel overwhelmed, scared or sad —
a special soft blanket, a favourite song, a funny GIF or texting a friend. You can fight with your kids about too
much screen–time. Or you can smooth in next to them on the couch and ask, “Can I have a hug? Hugging you
makes me feel better.” That’s one thing I do know.

Comprehension questions. Answer by writing with your own words.

1 What is the author’s profession?

2 How has the author changed her approach to parenting advice after the pandemic?
3 What does she admit and apologize for in the text?
4 What went out the door after the pandemic?
5 How can we use technology to connect with other people?
6 What can we do so that our children do not get too much fast-paced media? What are some of the
alternatives?
7 Are there any alternatives to limiting screen time?
8 How do we prepare kids for their negative reaction to less screen time?
9 What is the antidote to the adverse effects that screen addiction has on children?

Vocabulary. Find the words or expressions that match the following definitions (they are all among those
highlighted in yellow):

1 (phrase) used after a statement, usually a negative one, to indicate that the statement is even more true of
the person, thing, or situation that you are going to mention next. LET ALONE

2 (noun) [plural] deeds; proceedings; DOINGS

3 (verb) to promote the growth or development of something. FOSTER

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4 (adjective) full of, enjoying, or producing bliss. BLISSFUL

5 (noun) a violent demonstration of rage or frustration; a burst of bad temper. TANTRUM

6 (noun phrase) an official order, issued during an emergency, that directs people to stay in the indoor place or
building that they already occupy and not to leave unless absolutely necessary. SHELTER-IN-PLACE
(ORDER)

7 (verb) endure, resist. TO WEATHER

8 (noun) excessive use. OVERUSE

Write below any other vocabulary from the text you consider worth learning:

For example:
Coping strategies (to cope)
To be glued to (something)
Play dates
Doom scroll
On reflection
Attention spans
To go out the door
etc

YOUR OPINION & THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER

1 Do you think children spend too much time glued to screens? Or do you think adults exaggerate?
2 Should adults limit the time kids spend on screens? Or should they just let kids go with the flow? At the end
of the day, adults are also glued to screens.
3 What the author proposes to combat addiction is not to eliminate the use of technology, but to reduce and
repair. What’s your opinion on that?
4 How do we solve the problem of being on lockdown and entertaining children?
5 What moments of the day should be device-free at home?
6 Should children have mobile phones? What is the best age to start using a mobile?
7 Read the following extract of an interview to a University professor and then explain why you are in favour or
against his approach:

Jordan Shapiro, a Temple University professor whose background is in philosophy and psychology, has a
prescription that might surprise you. In his new book, The New Childhood, his argument is that we're not
spending enough screen time with our kids.
"One of the things I suggest in the book is that kids should be starting on social media much younger," he says.
And, play more video games with your kids, too.
After Shapiro's divorce, he found himself solo parenting two little boys (now 11 and 13) who were obsessed
with video games. He started playing the games simply as a way to connect with them. Then he discovered
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connections between the emotional catharsis and interactive storytelling on the screen. He came to realize that
part of his job as a parent was to help his children make sense of their online experiences and teach them how
to uphold enduring values in the new world they are living in.

GLOSSARY

(1) Play date or playdate is an expression primarily used in the US for an arranged appointment for
children to get together for a few hours to play.[1] It should not be confused with dating as there is not
an implied romantic component to it.
(2) Doom scroll is when a person scrolls through his newsfeed online to find the latest information about
the COVID-19 pandemic. The term became popular in April of 2020. ... People often scroll newsfeeds on
social sites, like Facebook and Twitter.