Identifying Identity and Beliefs

In this section you’ll be helping your clients identify their “old” story, and then get deeper into
the beliefs and identities that create the story. Keep in mind that the story they’re starting out
with is their CURRENT story—what they tell themselves and others NOW in their life. When
you refer to it as their “old story” point out that you’re calling it this because you want them to
start thinking about it as if it is who they “were” and not who they “are”. Then later, they’ll be
rewriting a new story that they can choose to live going forward.
Sessions and Homework: This section would ideally be covered in 2 coaching sessions,
although you are welcome to use the material however you wish. The first session would be
working with the client to complete their Life Movie Script activity. You can provide the activity
in advance of the session and then spend the appointment time solidifying and clarifying the
story. The 2nd session would be to discuss identity and beliefs. Again, it works best if the
activities are given to the client in advance, while session time is used to review and clarify the
answers and discuss the greater meaning gleaned from the activities.
Ask Probing Questions: During this section you will be asking clients to look at parts of their
identities and beliefs they most likely haven’t ever explored. People’s thinking is so habituated
and automatic that they may have difficulty identifying these underlying thoughts. The activities
in this section are very detailed and are designed to cut through clients’ rational mind and get to
the deeper, unconscious beliefs. As a coach, your role is to PROBE deeper by asking follow-up
questions that help the client gain greater clarity.
Being Non-Biased and Non-Judgmental: When your clients are sharing their story and beliefs,
it’s important to remain impartial. One of the biggest roles of a life coach is to be a non-biased
3rd party. In is important to keep your personal opinions and biases in check. Remember, it is
their life story and they aren’t looking for your advice. It’s also important not to judge your
clients. Even though you are learning a great deal about them, you still do not know what it is
like to BE them.
When your clients are sharing their stories and thoughts with you, refrain from reacting. Instead,
focus on LISTENING, reflecting back them to confirm what they meant, and then affirming
them in an empowering way. You also want to always be encouraging them to find purpose and
meaning in their life experiences. For instance, below are several appropriate constructive
responses:
 “Even though you went through ____, look at where you are today!”
 “Taking this step (enrolling in a coaching program) shows you really care about your
life.”
 “I understand that must have been difficult.”
 “What do you feel you have learned from this experience?”
 “Can you see how this experience will make you a blessing to others?”
Empowering Not Counseling: When discussing the experiences of their past, clients may reveal
painful or challenging situations. They also may become emotional. It is important to remember
that coaching is not therapy or counseling and that YOU do not hold the answers. The client is
not working with you to heal their emotions or process trauma. The session is also not a time for
complaining, and you should not indulge clients by having a “poor you” attitude. While it is
important to validate and acknowledge your clients, you must remember that as a coach your job
is to empower them see constructive ways of going from where they are to where they want to
go.
 “This situation is/was a stepping stone to your greater purpose/destiny/where you want to
go in life.”
 “No matter how hard this is/was, remember that it can always be changed.”
 “It is good that you are acknowledging this because being willing to look at it and
identifying what you do not want in your life helps give you clarity about what you are
wanting to create.”
We get deeper into questioning techniques, reflective listening and communication techniques,
and how to control your biases in our course Life Coaching: A Complete Guide.