Dark Psychology and Manipulation:

The Art of Effective Brainwashing Techniques for People and Guide to Detect
and Defend Yourself

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 COPYRIGHT
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 Table of Contents
Introduction.........................................................................................................3

What Is Manipulation?........................................................................................5

The Concept of Manipulation.............................................................................8

Manipulation Vs Persuasion...............................................................................10

NLP Secrets, Hypnosis, Body Language.................................................................11

The Art of Persuasion..........................................................................................14

Mind Control Techniques for People..............................................................24

Deep Learning Persuasion....................................................................................31

The manipulative personality.............................................................................44

Delving into Dark Psychology.............................................................................57

The Art of Making People Feel Important.......................................................62

Dark Secrets of Hypnosis..................................................................................75

Defending Yourself Against Emotional Predators.........................................79

Conclusion.........................................................................................................83

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 Introduction

The real world has very little relationship to what our formal schooling prepared us for.
You can learn geometry, or the capitals of countries, but when in your adult life will
knowing those things put you where you want to be? Learning how to deal with people
effectively is what will earn you the trust. The number of elements that are involved in
the Dark Factor equation is large. There are people who rape, murder, torture, and
violate without cause or purpose.

There are people on both sides of the issue; some believe that there is no such thing as
mind control and that it is all just made up while others believe that they could be
manipulated by mind control at any moment.

This book is about influencing yourself. When I say that, it is about creating a new level
of action to go achieve what it is you are after. The problem, of course, is many people
do not have any idea what it is that they are after.

Examples are included to provide context to some of the general advice in the book,
illustrating how to apply the knowledge in a practical sense. In addition, the book
covers areas relevant to forming and executing effective manipulation strategies,
including analysis, cold reading and body language. The book does not define
manipulation as something inherently bad, despite its negative connotations. Ethical
issues surrounding manipulation are addressed in a dedicated chapter.

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We would like to invite you to engage with and accept aspects of life that are
traditionally considered problematic, challenging or negative and are therefore
frequently rejected. Such a change in attitude would allow you to increase PP variables
such as compassion, joy, meaning, resilience and gratitude and improve at the same
time your understanding of the value of the challenging aspects of life.

We hope that this book succeeds in transforming the way you perceive difficult
experiences and encourages you to include and accept them in full and thus appreciate
the complete and genuine meaning offlap.

There is a lot of information provided in the world about the various forms of mind
control. As such, whatever is labelled as ‘negative’ is frequently rejected and considered
to be outside the sphere of PP. But this could not be further from the truth. The present
book explores a variety of topics that could be considered as part of the ‘dark side’ of
life and emphasizes the role they play in the positive aspects of our functioning and
transformations as human beings. While doing this, cutting-edge theories, research,
and practices are also introduced.

In addition, the book covers areas relevant to forming and executing effective
manipulation strategies, including analysis, cold reading and body language. The book
does not define manipulation as something inherently bad, despite its negative
connotations. Rather than telling you what to do, this book will give you the ability to
form effective manipulation strategies, whatever your goals and situation.

After reading the book, you can expect to have greater insight into your own actions
and the actions of others.

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 What Is Manipulation?

It of primary importance to establish a clear definition of manipulation for the purposes

of this book. Without understanding exactly what constitutes manipulation, there will be
a great deal of difficulty in separating instances of manipulation and other forms of
influence. While you probably have your own idea of what counts as manipulation, it is
important that you adopt the book's definition, in order to make sense of the practical
advice in later chapters.

Defining Manipulation Concluding this chapter, it is now possible to create a suitable

and helpful definition of manipulation for the purposes of this book. Manipulation is a
form of intentional influence, characterized as an attempt, by a person or party (the
manipulator), to change the behavior of another person or party (the target), typically
with a view to achieving a goal in the manipulator's interests. There is no nefarious
implication, nor is it specified whether or not the manipulator is acting in, against, or
with no regard for the interests of the target. All are possible.

This achieves a definition of manipulation which is not constrained by subjective ethical

ideas. Although that doesn't mean you should abandon your morals as well! This
definition is useful because it is objective and clear. Also, it is helpful because, in this
book, you will learn techniques for manipulation that will help you to achieve your
goals. In that respect, it would be a mistake to exclude persuasion, which absolutely
can play an important role in manipulation and is inextricable from the advice in this
book. Two problems remain, however. The first relates to “intended influence.”

Intent is difficult because it implies responsibility. In actual fact, everyone manipulates

everyone around them all the time, even from a young age. It would be wrong to

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exclude a child's temper tantrum from the umbrella of manipulation, just because they
aren't old enough to rationalize their behavior. The same applies to adult temper
tantrums, for that matter. Intent, therefore, does not imply conscious behavior - it can
also be instinctive. This also allows for the, very real, presence of “naturally
manipulative” persons.

The second problem is the disappointingly vague ending: “typically to achieve a goal in
the manipulator's interests.” Not only is it problematic to define “the manipulator's
interests,” there is a catch-all ambiguity in the inclusion of “typically.” This part serves
only to create a normalized idea of manipulation for the purposes of this book and
absolutely wouldn't suit a more general definition. After all, how can someone perfectly
know their own interests? It is of course possible to successfully manipulate someone,
and for the result to still be one's own demise.

The latter problem is addressed during the course of the book, at points where it
happens to be relevant. Despite its flaws, this definition of manipulation is sufficient for
the practical parts of the book. Basic Ideas In a broad sense, manipulation is the effort
to affect the behavior or perception of others. Most definitions extend that to include
“via the use of abusive, deceptive or otherwise exploitative means” or something
similar, as a means of differentiating between manipulation and other influencing
behaviors, such as persuasion.

That raises even more questions, such as what constitutes “exploitative”. Deception is
relatively easy to define as a willful concealment or alteration of the truth. But does
deception really preclude persuasion? At a job interview, you probably won't mention
the times you came in late to work at your previous job due to hangovers; is that
manipulation? You could argue that anyone hiring for a job is already operating on the
understanding that people are likely to highlight their positive traits, and draw attention

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away from the negatives. In that sense, it isn't necessarily dishonest to omit certain
information in that situation.

So, expectation can also play a part in determining the ethics of manipulation and
where the line is drawn between manipulation and other forms of influence. Putting
ethics aside for now, there is another word, in that broad definition, worthy of
attention. Defining manipulation as an “effort” suggests that manipulation is still
manipulation regardless of success or failure - the act of manipulation is defined as the
attempt. Ironically, those least successful at manipulating others, who are most
frequently discovered, are more likely to gain a reputation as manipulative than those
who succeed.

You can probably point to someone in your orbit, a relative or co-worker perhaps, who
you consider to be manipulative. Yet, consider how others view them. Are they well
known as a manipulator? Does this impact their success? The answer to this, too, may
be complicated. If someone is considered by their peers at work to be manipulative and
yet holds sway over the boss, they might still be judged successful. When thinking
about manipulating others, it's important to define clear goals. This will allow you to
make rational, objective decisions, which is key to success.

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 The Concept of Manipulation

Manipulation is geared toward influencing the target to operate in a direction that under
normal circumstances he would probably resist.

Most people believe that mind control, otherwise known as brainwashing, thought
reform, or thought control, has been around since history began. While this may be
somewhat true, it’s only recently that it has become a popular area of study and
investigation. he got her husband good and drunk and sent him off to the front of a
raging war from which he never returned.

Unfortunately, when it was added, it was given a negative connotation, because while
the Korean War application was undoubtedly malevolent, brainwashing can actually be
used for good (more on that in a minute). The word was used to explain why 21 among
the 20,000 American prisoners of war (POW) defected to their communist enemies.

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There was also an incident where some POW's were told to confess to having waged
biological warfare (which they had, in fact, not done).

There is, however, a fine distinction between mind control and brainwashing that is
rarely made. Most people often use these two terms for two very different concepts
interchangeably, but how they work is vastly different, one from the other, as you will
see demonstrated below. After reading the explanations provided, you will see they are
completely different and that one of them does not represent the same type of
manipulation (or deception) that is helpful in your everyday life.

No matter how you phrase it, having someone compel you to make a dramatic change
in your life, based on their personal will, is not a positive. The most important part of
this book is focused on teaching you how to know if you are being manipulated,
controlled or brainwashed by others. You will learn to recognize the signs and how to
fight back when someone attempts to control your mind in order to affect your life in a
negative manner.

Moreover, many manipulative strategies are designed to lead the target to act in a way
that is not consistent with his intentions, motivations, and best interests. This
characteristic of manipulative behavior sounds somewhat paradoxical. On the one hand,
leading someone to act against his preferences and priorities indicates that
manipulation contains compelling elements. On the other hand, the term manipulation
itself, which is associated with an elusive concept such as ‘‘maneuvering,’’ indicates that
the target does have some judgment and consideration while he operates.

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This tension can be resolved by adding to our description of manipulative interaction
the element of ‘‘illusory free choice.’’ In general, the sophisticated manipulator strives to
intrude, interfere, and influence the decision-making process of the target by giving him
the impression that he (the target) chooses his actions freely and independently. To
achieve this effect, the manipulator attempts to maneuver the target to perceive the
‘‘intentional action’’ (i.e., the manipulator’s goal) as the best available option in the
current situation.

Following our basic assumptions, especially those of maximizing preferences and

minimizing risk, the target is obligated to take the best available action according to his
understanding of the situation. The practical meaning is that the target, who is subject
to a hidden influence, believes that his choices are made freely and independently.
Hiding relevant information in order to create a desired decision exemplifies the idea of
‘‘illusory free choice’’ in a manipulative interaction.

The target, who believes that he chooses the best available option freely and
independently, is actually subject to invisible interference in his judgment and critical
thinking.

Manipulation Vs Persuasion

These terms might seem diametrically opposed, with persuasion acting as the “honest”
form of manipulation, where the actor is up front about their goals and opinions.
However, for the purposes of this book, it will be more useful to consider persuasion as
a tier below manipulation. Persuasion, then, becomes a method of manipulation, which

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is a form of influence. Persuasion also happens to be one of the less effective methods
of manipulation.

How often have you been in a debate with someone else, only for them to hold up their
hands and say “I concede, you are absolutely right”? It is probably possible for you to
count these instances on one hand. It may be easy to persuade someone that smoking
is unhealthy but is it easy to persuade them to quit? If it were so, governments
wouldn't see the need or benefit in placing heavy taxes on tobacco products in order to
discourage use. According to this book's definition, the government is trying to
manipulate the consumption of tobacco and using a range of methods, including
persuasion, to achieve that end.

So, what about other forms of influence? And other methods of manipulation? Well,
manipulation needs to have intent and it ought to have some form of goal - even if that
goal is just to create anarchy. A great filmmaker may influence the work of many others
but it is clearly distinct from manipulation. The filmmaker doesn't set out to influence
others (although they may), rather they achieve influence through the reaction of
others to their work, resulting in inspiration and even emulation.

NLP Secrets, Hypnosis, Body Language

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Persuasion, likewise, is not the only method of manipulation one could employ. An easy
alternative is lying, a form of deception. To lie and to be believed will inevitably change
the perception of those who believe the lie. As has already been established, it is still
manipulation whether it is successful or not. Persuasion, like influence, doesn't suffer
from quite the same image problem as manipulation. In fact, it's seen as a positive
thing to be able to make a “persuasive argument.” Although it does have a sinister
tinge; the phrase “I can be very persuasive” implies some exertion of power over
another party - possibly even an abuse.

Also, when employers refer to the soft skill of “persuasion,” it is correct to understand
this as a euphemism for manipulation. Examples of Manipulation With the definition
established, it is now of use to recognize some examples of manipulation. Some of
these are common in everyday life, while others relate to unique or spectacular events.
While this book relates primarily to personal manipulation, there is little theoretical
difference between manipulation on an individual level and on a grand scale.

The same principles almost always apply but the practicalities of manipulation methods,
such as deception, can be more complex between, say, warring nations. Advertising
Even the most innocuous advertising is trying to inform you, with a view to changing
behavior or perception. It is, by this book's definition, manipulation. Some advertising
may have positive intentions, such as adverts to raise money for charities (although the
ethical practices of charities can and have also been drawn into question on many
occasions) or a positive impact, such as an advert that informs you of genuine savings
or advantages offered by a product or supplier. On the more insidious end of the scale,
you have advertising methods such as influencers, who attempt to affect your
purchasing decisions by encouraging emulation of their lifestyle.

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There are also online adverts which are often indistinguishable from other content -
even the most ethical websites normally only flag up paid ads with a small “sponsored”
tag; other times, adverts may be completely undisclosed. Advertising can manipulate by
highlighting the positive features of a product or service. It is difficult to trust adverts as
an accurate source of information because they are inherently biased. Techniques such
as subliminal advertising sometimes go to extremes to drive messages about a product
into your subconscious.

You may have seen famous examples of sexual figures or messages woven into cocktail
glasses to advertise alcohol, but that's just the tip of the ice-cube. Military Strategy
History offers countless examples of military foes attempting to manipulate one
another. Like in advertising, this manipulation is completely expected. If you believe in
the cause for which you are fighting, it is also morally justifiable to manipulate your
enemy in any way.

The Battle of Hastings (1066 AD), saw the Norman William the Conqueror (spoiler alert)
invade England with his army, comprised of many mounted knights. He was met by
Harold Godwinson, the recently coronated King of England at Hastings, near the English
Channel. According to legend, Harold took position atop a hill and waited for the
approaching invaders. William, seeing the disadvantage of fighting uphill, ordered a
retreat, with the intention of luring the defenders into a pursuit. The plan was a
success.

Sensing victory, Harold pursued William's army down the hill and, in the process,
sacrificed their advantageous position. The rest, they say, is history: William's mounted

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knights were able to overwhelm the largely infantry-based army of Harold and his
victory thwarted his only significant opposition in England. Although the accuracy of this
account has been called into question, the lesson of the legend prevails: manipulate
your enemy and you will achieve victory.

It is also possible to draw parallels to games such as chess and real-time strategy video
games, where successful strategies often revolve around deceiving your opponents with
regards to your own intentions The Professional World If you work in a company, it's
likely that you've been exposed to ambitious individuals whose goal is to climb the
corporate ladder. Again, in the professional world, a certain level of manipulation is to
be expected. This is one of the reasons that working together with personal friends can
create complications, as a conflict exists in managing these two different kinds of
relationships - competitive and supportive.

In professional life, you are presented with a range of different relationship paradigms.
Your relationship to fellow team members will vary to that with your boss, or to those
who work under you. Modern corporate structures tend to be flatter and a managerial
approach that relies purely on authority is less viable than it used to be. It's up to
managers and team-leaders to “motivate” their employees. This book concerns itself
specifically with professional and personal relationships, so expect some relevant
examples for manipulation in the workplace.

Personal Relationships This is inevitably the most controversial arena for manipulation,
yet ironically it is probably the most natural. From the moment you're born, you come
preprogrammed with the ability to cry - a simple and effective way to communicate

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immediate needs, in order to receive care and attention. Manipulation happens in family
relationships as well as in friendships and romantic relationships.

The reason for controversy is rooted in the idea that contriving to manipulate others, in
personal relationships, is something unnatural and rooted in a need for control.
Although, once again, there is some grey area. It's quite normal for a parent to
manipulate a child's behavior by using a system of incentives and punishments. This is
normally considered to be part of a child's education and a healthy part of
development, preparing a child for adulthood. Advantages of Manipulation This chapter
isn't long. The benefits of manipulation are plainly obvious, much like the benefits of
bank robbery. Successfully manipulating others is a way to impact the world around you
and bend it to your will.

The Art of Persuasion

Winning without Intimidation

From the very first moment, early in the morning, when we first hit the highways and
side streets of the “real world” out there, right up to the moment we return home again
at night, we are often faced with people who seem to be specially trained and highly
motivated to irritate, aggravate and infuriate us with their unhelpful, downright rude
and rotten attitudes. Sometimes it’s the person next to us on the train with his
newspaper spread out over two-thirds of our space, or the waitperson at the coffee
shop or lunch counter who can’t wait for us to leave. The surly guy at the, ahem,
customer service desk.

The preoccupied prospect you’re calling who can barely give you the time of day. Your
boss…your employees…the hit-and-run hopeful who helps you spill your coffee on the

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way to work…the list goes on and on. Please don’t get me wrong. It’s not that everyone
alive is nasty or an example of bad manners. But I read recently that 61 percent of the
American public thinks their fellow citizens are rude! If they’re right, that means that if
you’re not already being mistreated by the guy or gal to your left, then as soon as to
turn to the guy or gal to your right, you probably will be. I’m not sure if I buy that
statistic. In my experience, most people are genuinely nice and will treat us well, if
given half the chance. If not downright benevolent, at least benign.

But they’re not the ones who make our pursuit of happiness difficult. There are “most
people” …and then there are those people whose mission in life (at least at the moment
you happen to encounter them) seems to be making your life difficult. So, what do you
do? There are only two choices. One choice is to get down on their level, and crouch
right down there in the gutter of the most abrasive and nastiest of people “skills.” You
can fight with them, argue with them, one-up them. Show ’me who they’re dealing
with, show ’me they can’t push you around. Of course, if you do that, you still might not
get what you want.

And even if you do, you’ll probably end up feeling worse about yourself, and in the
process make an enemy for life, making any encounters with that person in the future
even more difficult, painful, and problematic. And then there’s the other choice: You
can win. When I use the word “win,” I don’t mean the kind of winning that works by
making the other person lose.Far from it. In fact, just the opposite. By “win” I mean
getting what you want from that person while making him or her feel really good about
you and the situation at hand.

And what a great feeling of accomplishment that is! My Dad always taught us the words
of the Talmudic sage Simeon ben Zoma: “Who is a mighty person? “And the answer?

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“One who can control his emotions and make of an enemy a friend.” That’s just what
we’re going to learn how to do in this book. It will increase your effectiveness with
loved ones, strangers, associates and anyone else with whom you come in contact in all
kinds of situations. The skills and methods I’ll show you don’t work only for me. These
ideas are totally transferable to anyone—and easily duplicated by anyone, too. I hear
success stories all the time from people who’ve learned to apply these methods.

Some have just recently acquired or learned them at one of my seminars, while others
have already been practicing them for a long time. And these methods really work.
That’s one reason I suggest reading and reviewing the book several times, until you
begin to internalize the information so it becomes part of your being, a genuine part of
who you are. You could simply read over and learn the information, and if you do, you
will indeed see an improvement.

But once it becomes a part of you—your heart, your essence— without your having to
think about it, you’ll see your interpersonal effectiveness go through the roof. The key
to over-the-top success in this endeavor is to internalize what you read throughout this
book. Once you do this, I guarantee you’ll be amazed by the results. You’ll gain all the
benefits promised in the title, plus many more, including such surprises as receiving
more money from people and more satisfaction from situations than you previously
thought possible.

I love his definition of human relations: the science of dealing with people in such a
way that your ego and their ego both remain intact. Isn’t that great? Goblin also says
that influencing people is an art, not a gimmick—and he’s 100 percent correct. Oh,
sure, every so often a gimmick, as insincere as it may be, is going to work. However, by
relying on superficial gimmicks, you’re lowering the odds of consistent success in the

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long run. Do you really want to internalize a gimmick and make it part of who you are?
What I’m writing about in this book are not gimmicks; they are the principles of the art
of persuasion.

You’ll probably be surprised to find that part of what we look at here will be familiar,
because you’ve heard or read it before, possibly many times. But we’ll take it a step
further. I’m going to show how these principles can be applied as part of a system to
work consistently and effortlessly throughout your entire life and work. Let’s begin by
looking at a couple of basic principles which will help you understand people, why they
act the way they do and how that can lead to increasing your own effectiveness in this
area.

How We Make Decisions First, here’s one of the most basic principles of human nature
which, if you can keep in mind continually, will help you immeasurably in your quest
toward mastering The Art of Persuasion. If you are now, or ever have been, involved in
any type of professional sales, you already know the following principle. It was one of
the first principles you learned in Sales Training 101. This principle is universal: It holds
true for me, for you, and for practically everyone else on this planet, even though we
are often the first ones to deny it, even while we’re in the act of doing it.

All right, enough suspense; here’s the principle: We human beings act out of emotion,
not logic. Again, if you’ve had any type of sales training you already know this and

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you’ve had all kinds of real-world examples thrown at you to prove it’s true. You
understand it, and you believe it. That’s important, because from now on, I want you to
always keep it in mind: We human beings act out of emotion, not logic. I believe we all
are in sales, whether we do it professionally or not. After all, we sell ideas all the time,
don’t we? People sell their spouses on doing what they want them to do. Parents sell
children on being respectful, going to bed on time and staying away from drugs.

Children sell parents on buying them that toy or letting them stay out past eleven
o’clock. Teachers sell students on learning, and students sell teachers on excuses as to
why they didn’t hand in the assignment. Yes, clearly: we all sell. Still, if you’re not
actually involved directly in selling a product or service, it may be hard to accept the
idea that we all buy things based on our emotions, and not on our logic. After all, you
consider yourself to be a very logical person, don’t you? And you probably are. I’d like
to think the same about myself. However, no matter how logical we are, here is
something you and I share in common: we both buy on emotion.

This is an extremely important concept. It is the basis for everything I’ll be sharing with
you in this book. The reason I’m stressing the point is that it would be very difficult for
you to learn (let alone master) the methods in these pages without having first
embraced this concept. Here’ basically how it works. We make decisions based on
several types of emotions, but they all boil down to these two main drives: a) The
desire for pleasure. b) The avoidance of pain.

I could at least look at the place from the outside, couldn’t I? I could just stand there
and smell it at no charge…right? Rational lie number one. Then I thought, Hey, why
not go in and just look at a menu? You know, just see what they’ve got. After all, one
day I’ll actually be able to afford this kind of food, and gosh darn it, I need to be able to
picture what it is I’m going to be eating, right? And that will give me more incentive to

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work even harder…right? Rational lie number two. Once inside the place, I thought—
and this was kind of true—You know what? If I were to eat a hearty meal like this, it
would give me the strength to work even harder the next day, wouldn’t it? All that
protein in the meat would be good for me.

After all, I didn’t want to get too thin. And the potato: why, the skin alone had vitamins
that everyone needs…. Rational lie number three. Those thoughts were all rational,

weren’t they? Sure, they were. And they were all lies. They added up to the logic I used
to back up my emotional decision —which was to sit down and tear into that steak. (By
the way, it was the best tasting steak I ever ate.) Have you ever done something like
that? Sure you have. We all do it, all the time. Not necessarily to that extent.

(At least I hope not!) But think about every major decision or choice you’ve ever made:
buying your home or car…getting married…leaving a secure job…using your savings or
mortgaging your home to start your own business where the risk was greater and the
hours longer. Was any of that based on logic—really—or was its pure emotion? Over
the next few days, observe every decision of substance that you make. I suspect you’ll
find that they are all, every one of them, based on emotion. What’s more, every one of
them will have something to do with either your desire for pleasure, or your avoidance
of pain, or both. It’s what we do: we will back up our emotional decisions by retrofitting
them with our “make-sense” logic.

The Role Our Egos Play Let’s look a little more closely at those two major emotions,
because this subject has everything to do with the art of persuasion. They are what
make people tick. What kinds of pleasure do we human beings pursue? Well, we all

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know about physical pleasures, such as sexual pleasure or the pleasure of eating
something mouthwatering, like your favorite flavor of ice cream. And we certainly know
about emotional pleasures, too, such as enjoying time with family and friends, or the
fun of buying an exciting new toy. The list of possible pleasures we might anticipate
and experience is endless.

But for the moment, let’s focus on one in particular: the pleasure of power when
dealing with other people, which is part of the ego. That is, the ego they have. (Oh, no,
not us…them.) Have you ever had an experience with negative, difficult people?
Perhaps the person at the Registry of Motor Vehicles, the teller at the bank, the
prospect who’s listening to your sales presentation, the uncivil servant, your boss, a
fellow employee, the police officer, anybody and everybody else. Here is what they all
have in common: if they’re flexing their power over you, it’s because in some way it
brings pleasure to their ego.

What about the avoidance of pain? And I’m not talking only about physical pain. In fact,
physical pain is the least important to consider, for the sake of this book, since we’re
not looking to beat anyone up in order to get what we want. (I want you to win
through

persuasion, not intimidation.) What kind of pain would a person want to avoid? How
about the pain associated with getting fired? The feeling of pain that accompanies
change, or of taking the risk of initiative, especially when that’s not normally a
requirement of that person’s job? What about the pain that comes with

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embarrassment? Or of looking bad, the pain of losing face? In all of these situations
and countless more like them, the ego comes into play. Ego is so important to all of us.

You don’t want to look bad to others, or to feel bad about yourself, do you? No one
does. People respond or react to us emotionally for two reasons: either to gain a certain
type of pleasure, or to avoid a certain type of pain. And most of that response or
reaction centers on the ego. Speaking of those two words, respond and react, there is
actually a vast difference between the two, and in a few moments, we’ll look at what
that difference is and how you can use it to effectively and easily persuade for
everyone’s benefit.

Remember the story I told on myself earlier regarding that steak dinner? I was working
on both emotions, wasn’t I? The quest for pleasure—in reality, almost desperately
wanting that meal; and the avoidance of pain—being so hungry my stomach actually
ached. No wonder I ended up succumbing and shelling out for that pricey dinner that I
couldn’t afford. I told myself that, anyone else would’ve done the exact same thing.
And it was all rational lies! And here’s a thought: What if I had made the decision to go
to that expensive restaurant (which I clearly could not afford) in order to bring a date,
there with the plan of impressing her? Would that have involved my ego as well? You
bet it would. Roles We Play in Relationships Let’s set another foundation regarding a
basic human principle, cause of action. I first learned about this through the book, I’m
Okay, You’re Okay, by Dr. Thomas Harris. Dr.

Harris points out that each of us takes on one of three personality traits or
characteristics during every conversation or interaction. By now, many have been

23
introduced to this concept, but I’d like to describe what he wrote and what it means to
me in my own words here. (For a deeper understanding of this topic, I suggest buying
his book Transactional Analysis. Another excellent book on this subject is Games People
Play by Dr. Eric Berne, widely considered the father of transactional analysis.) Each of
us is capable of displaying three distinct personality states: the Parent, the Adult and
the Child.

These are states taken on, so to speak, depending upon what we are feeling at any
specific moment. The following is my interpretation of these three states and how they
relate to the art of positive persuasion. The Child in all of us is perceived as the victim.
As the Child we feel like a baby, put down, blamed, punished, controlled. As a result,
we

are angry and looking to get even. The Child wants to get even with the person who
assumes the role of the Parent. The Parent in all of us is usually a victim of his or her
own upbringing, biases and environment. People in the Parent role mean well, they just
don’t recognize their own negative communication. They don’t realize they’re putting
somebody else down.

They don’t realize they’re making the other person feel bad. The Adult in all of us
(which is the ideal) is the positive negotiator, the communicator, the respectful, honest,
active listener, the one in the situation who is trustworthy, who is easy to love and
respect. Within any relationship or transaction between two people, there are typically
combinations of all three of these states. Somebody else criticizes, condemns or talks
down to you; they are the Parent and you are the Child.

24
In that situation, you have to know that it’s not something to be taken personally (as
difficult as that may be)—but first you have to bring yourself up to the Adult level in
order to even begin to put yourself in the position for a win/win. At the same time, you
have to watch yourself and make sure you don’t come across like the Parent, talking
down to that other person and putting them in the position of the Child. They may react
negatively toward you because of the fear of (i.e., avoidance of) pain, be that hurt,
embarrassment, loss of face, or some other variation of pain. Ideally, you want every
transaction with another person to be on the level of Adult to Adult. Easy? No. Possible?
Absolutely—with awareness, practice and work.

It’s very important to keep in mind the human factor: you can’t expect others to act as
you do just because you know what you’re doing and are in the state of mind to do it.
Don’t feel put down if the other person doesn’t respond “correctly.” Through the
material we cover in this book, you’ll learn how to get them there. It takes time and
effort, but you can do it. Please don’t get frustrated. Okay, you can get frustrated—but
keep at it anyway! The rich results are worth it. The best way to overcome frustration is
to make a game out of it.

As you become more proficient at mastering the art of persuasion in order to get what
you want, when you want it, and from whom you want it, you’ll be absolutely amazed
at the fun you’ll have with it. I’m excited for you already! Responding Versus Reacting
One idea we should touch upon now is that difference we spoke of earlier between
responding and reacting. I first learned about this from Zig Ziglar, the internationally

25
acclaimed author and speaker. This wisdom of Zig’s really hit home for me. It alone has
probably kept me out of more trouble than I care to remember. So, according to Zig: to
respond is positive; to react is negative.

Allow me to paraphrase an example Zing used that beautifully makes this point: When
going to the doctor after taking some medication that worked, the doctor might say,
“Ah, you responded well to the medication.” On the other hand, if you go in breathing
heavily, with your face broken out in bumps and hives, the doctor will probably say
something like, “It seems the medication has caused a bad reaction.” You responded
well…you had a reaction. Vivid difference, isn’t it? It’s the same in any relationship,
transaction with another human being or situation in life. If you respond to it, you’ve
thought it out and acted in a mature, positive fashion.

If you react to it, you’ve let it be in control and get the best of you. Throughout this
book, I’ll focus on responding to situations and challenges with people so that you can
stay in control of yourself and the situation. That way, you’ll be in a position to help
both yourself and the other person to a mutually beneficial conclusion. Tact: The
Language of Strength Here I need to mention one more key concept that will be at the
very heart of everything we explore in this book: tact. My Dad defines tact as “the
language of strength.”

(In the book It’s Not About You, which I coauthored with John David Mann, there is an
entire chapter called “The Language of Strength,” and it has my Dad’s wisdom on the
subject of tact laced throughout its pages.) Tact is simply the ability to say something
or make a point in such a way that the other person is not offended, and indeed,
actually embraces your suggestion. Now that’s strength. Another word for tact is
diplomacy. Real-life diplomats are responsible for employing tact in such a way as to

26
keep their countries from going to war with each other. We may not have that
responsibility, but we all have ample opportunities to serve as diplomats in our own
lives, too.

This book will supply you with the correct wording, attitude and phraseology. A quick
review: Human beings take action out of emotion (the desire for pleasure, the
avoidance of pain) and back up that emotion with logic. We rationalize, telling ourselves
rational lies. Ego is each person’s individual sense of self. We must honor that
throughout the process of winning without intimidation. People take on one of three
emotional states during every conversation or interaction: The Parent, the Adult, or the
Child. We have a choice to respond or to react. Responding is positive and will add to
your success.

Mind Control Techniques for People

That might sound sinister, but remember it's extremely likely that you're already doing
it to some degree. To differentiate between what you might already be doing and what
you can learn from this book, instead interpret this chapter as the benefits of
consciously, deliberately and effectively manipulating others. Achieve Your Goals By
successfully manipulating others, you can alter their behavior, their views and possible
even their goals to help further your own interests. It's as simple as that.

Effective manipulation, however, is about improving your rate of success. It might be

that everyone is manipulating the boss, to some degree, in order to get that promotion
- but only one candidate is going to get the job. Working hard is a good place to start,

27
and working effectively is even better. However, leaving it to merit alone might not get
you through. How can you make it so that your boss wants to promote you, rather than
anyone else? Understanding that will give you the edge. Help Others If you believe in a
cause, you can support it by using manipulation to further its success.

This can be anything from using a swear jar to stop a relative cursing, to earning
support for your political party. It's the same as achieving your own goals but you're
transplanting the interests of someone or something else in place of your own. As
stated in the definition, manipulation is a form of influence. Guard Yourself Against the
Manipulation of Others Manipulation Fundamentals The more you understand about
manipulation, the better equipped you'll be to avoid being manipulated by others.
Recognizing manipulative behaviors in other people will not only protect you against
their influence, but you'll learn more about their goals, feeding your mind with
information that you can use to manipulate them.

It's not hard to be aware of situations where you can expect to encounter manipulative
behavior. What's more difficult is to always spot the ways in which you are being
manipulated. Manipulation Fundamentals Without further ado, it's time to get into some
of the crucial aspects of manipulating others. Thanks to the early chapters, you should
now have the groundwork to give context to the ideas in this chapter and form a
general understanding of effective approaches to manipulation.

In the chapter Methodology, you will learn how to use these ideas in order to form a
coherent strategy that will improve your chances of successfully manipulating others,
and achieving your goals. Your Goals Given that you're probably already manipulating
the people around you to some degree, and being manipulated yourself, the first
significant step in achieving effective manipulation is to understand and define your

28
goals. Without defining goals, it's impossible to measure the effectiveness of your
current manipulation efforts. That's not to say you aren't already manipulating with
some level of effectiveness.

Some people are naturally more manipulative and some people are natural
manipulators; however, the two don't always overlap. Start by thinking about your
actions, and your behavior around others. Consider who you view positively at work, or
in your social circle, and who you view negatively. Consider, further, how you behave
around different people and whether it aligns perfectly to your opinion of them. There is
a good chance that it doesn't. In fact, what you are probably already doing is working
to earn the good opinion of others who you believe to hold power and influence. This is
a very general approach that everyone takes in society.

To use an obvious example, your behavior around your boss is probably different to
that of your peers, regardless of your personal opinion of them. You may even have a
set goal, such as reaching “X” position. Otherwise, you might just be broadly trying to
impress. You might even be trying to carve out an easy work-life for yourself, shedding
responsibility and doing what you can to obscure your low productivity. Maybe you're
acting to bring yourself closer to a co-worker in whom you are romantically interested.
These are just ideas. At the end of each day, think about your own behavior.

29
What did you spend your day thinking about and trying to achieve? These are the goals
you are naturally working towards already. When you really understand what your
current motives are, you might surprise yourself. The Goals of Others While your own
goals are the way to measure the success of your efforts, the goals of others are key to
forming a successful manipulation strategy. The key to manipulation is using the goals
of others to further your own. This is the most all-encompassing theory of manipulation
and the core of this book's approach to manipulation. At times, you might hold the
cards and can help someone to achieve their own goals.

This might be as an employee who possesses vital assets for your boss to achieve
success in their role. It might be the case that you are the boss and have the power to
promote people… not discounting the power you have to help those people achieve
their goals by not firing them. In both of these examples, you have the power to help
someone achieve their goals. This is what drives your success. There is no element of
manipulation here - it is simply an analysis of how your goals can relate to those of
others.

The manipulation will come with cultivating these situations, by working to ensure the
actions others take, to achieve their goals, align with your own. Now, consider personal
relationships. Imagine that you are romantically interested in someone else. Your
ultimate goal might be to enter into a relationship with that person. All of a sudden,
things get extremely complicated. Tools Understanding goals provides the necessary

30
information for effectively manipulating others. Tools, on the other hand, are the raw
materials you have at your disposal for affecting those goals, or the actions taken by
others to achieve them. In this book, persuasion was previously referred to as a
method.

However, tool more accurately describes the way in which these following concepts
behave - tools to effectively manipulate. Power In the last section, Goals, you read
some examples relating to the workplace, specifically regarding situations in which you
might be able to help someone else achieve their goals. This translates to power. Power
is the ability to help other people succeed. This is an interesting definition because it
appears to subvert the normal idea of power as an ability to exert force over others.
However, breaking it down, the two are closely related.

Having the ability to exert force over others can mean not harming them, not invading
their country, not throwing them in jail, not creating laws which negatively impact
them; these are all forms of power - the power to help other people succeed is much
the same as the power to make other people fail, left unexercised. These are just
positive and negative perspectives of the same thing. The difference is often negligible.
What can you provide people that will help other people achieve their goals? The most
obvious thing is extraordinary abilities. Talent is valuable in every aspect of life, from
sports competitions, to business, to raising children.

If you have talents that other people can use, that's a powerful thing. Another form of
power is authority. The boss gets to decide who is promoted and who is fired. A police
officer can arrest you or let you off with a warning, thanks to their legally sanctioned
authority.

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Manipulation Brainwashing

Basically, what makes brainwashing different from manipulation is the process

undergone by the subject in question. In brainwashing, the person is aware that the
manipulators (or agents) are enemies, and that he is being pushed toward a certain
behavior or mindset under the control of these people. In order to prevent the
possibility of physical force or violence being inflicted on him, submission to the
imposed belief system is the alternative frequently (if not always) chosen.

They remain brainwashed. If you think back to events that transpired in Waco, Texas
under cult leader, David Koresh, you will understand. These people were brainwashed
into believing the only way they could achieve the eternal bliss promised by Koresh was
to follow the teachings of a man who was completely insane.

We’ll discuss the influence of cults and how they indoctrinate people into unwavering
belief in more detail, later in this book. People subjected to prolonged brainwashing,
reinforced for years (like those in the cult examples above) often don’t recover.

While some recover after acknowledging they feigned acceptance of the brainwashing
as a coping mechanism, others never regain their powers of independent thought. This
is why you will not be learning how to brainwash others in the pages of this book. I will
not teach you how to brainwash people. I will, however, teach you how to manipulate
and steer people’s minds for your own benefit. I will not teach you how to do this in a

32
malicious manner and that’s exactly what brainwashing is - a malicious form of mind
control.

Throughout history, people have used manipulation as a way to get large groups of
people, or even a single person, to follow their personal thought process and agenda.
Typically, this ends negatively. Brainwashing is often used by cults and similar groups of
people to control the minds of large numbers of people, as we’ve noted above, with the
examples of David Koresh and Jim Jones. Malicious mind control can also occur in
situations like romantic relationships in which one person wishes to control the thoughts
and actions of the other person. No matter how you put it, or what situation you put it
in, brainwashing is never good!

Manipulation Mind Control

The process of mind control, on the other hand, is infinitely subtler and the effect, more
long term and even (at times) damaging. In this method, the manipulator enters the
person's life as a friend or teacher - an individual worth trusting and believing in. From

33
the very beginning, the victim of the manipulator may have already let all defenses
down and may even willingly participate in the mind control process.

There may be no physical force involved whatsoever, and the victim may even be under
the false impression that he is making all decisions by himself. Mind control aims to
change a person to the very core by altering their decisions, perception, beliefs, values,
behaviors and relationships. The process is subtle and slow. Often, the victim is
unaware of how extensive the manipulation is, if not completely oblivious to it. The
manipulation will, however, involve social and psychological pressure and force,
whether the target is aware of these effects or not.

Because victims of mind control are under the impression that the decision to adopt
new values and beliefs has been made by them, and the fact that the agent is viewed
as a trusted friend, even when the manipulation is discontinued, the new identity that
has been formed by via influence will continue to persist. In essence, when people think
the changes, they have embraced are independent resolutions, they are more likely to
passively accept and even struggle to maintain them.

It is also important to note that though mind control is somewhat unethical, it can be
used for good purpose. People suffering from addiction issues can be subjected to this
process to cure them of their habit. However, you should also be aware that people can
use this system on you and that those who are vulnerable to it may believe that they
are following their own instincts, when they are, in fact, following the subtle direction of
the controller. Now that you know mind control is possible, can you think of anyone
who has tried mind control on you? You may not know it, but as you were growing up,
your parents used a form of mind control to shape you into the person you are today.

34
Don’t believe me? Look at your daily routine. Your parents used mind control to teach
you to get up, shower, brush your teeth, get dressed, possibly do your makeup, brush
your hair, and look presentable before you left the house. This is a form of positive
mind control. They also taught you that you should have an annual check-up at the
doctor, see your dentist regularly and maintain a healthy diet. See, mind control does
not always have to be a negative force in your life. It can easily lead to positive results.

35
 Deep Learning Persuasion

Throughout this book we’ll be looking at both long-range and short-range ideas for
turning you into a master persuader. If you can establish certain feelings about you in
other people, what I refer to as “know you, like you and trust you” feelings, that will
cause your future battles or challenges to be already half-won. This is a very important
aspect of this book, since there are a certain cast of characters in your life, both major
and minor players that you must be able to deal with in a positive way again and again.
We’ll work on that. Then there are those short-range, one-time shots you encounter
where you need to take on a challenging situation with a person you may never see
again, but from whom you need something, and need it now. We’ll work on that one as
well, and to me, that’s a lot of fun. Let’s begin with some of those long-range ideas.
Thoughtfulness It’s a simple idea. No really incredible skills needed here, so let’s just
consider it a good warm-up exercise. If you employ the idea of thoughtfulness regularly
and religiously, every day and in every circumstance possible, it will give you a head
start toward accomplishing all that you are reading about in this book.

I read an interesting story in the book The Best of Bits & Pieces, compiled by Arthur
Lineman that highlighted several acts of thoughtfulness. The main point being
illustrated was that “thoughtfulness is a habit—a way of life well worth cultivating and
practicing.” Thoughtfulness doesn’t necessarily come naturally. Thoughtfulness needs to
be worked on, cultivated and practiced enough so that you internalize these thoughtful
thoughts into your very being. And that makes sense, because, let’s face it, it’s often
easier not to be thoughtful.

Remember the Native American adage about walking a mile in another person’s
moccasins? What does that really mean, and how can you use that wonderful piece of
advice to further your mastery of persuasion? What if a person says or does something
that offends you or doesn’t fit into your model of how you like things to be done?
Instead of reacting, what if you responded by immediately asking yourself, “What could
possibly be happening in that person’s life that has given her a major case of halitosis

36
of the personality?”(Or, as Zig Ziglar would say, a “hardening of the attitudes.”)
Imagine a day in the life of this unhappy person, and maybe you can get a better idea
of what she needs from you right now in order to make her feel good about herself and
want to help you. Only then can the persuasion process begin.

Maybe that person came from a negative environment. Perhaps there was no
communication in her childhood home, or perhaps she was even mistreated. At school,
perhaps she was rejected by her peers. And mind you, I’m not trying making excuses
for her or giving her an “out” for her not to accept responsibility for her actions. I’m
simply trying to explore what might be the facts of her story. As an underachiever with
a hard background and a terrible self-image, perhaps she then had it no better in her
adult life. Today, she hates her job, and doesn’t feel much better about her husband.

And her kid just got thrown into a juvenile detention center for shoplifting. How do you
feel about her now? Can you understand her lousy attitude just a little better? The
situation with this person might not be that bad … or it might be worse. If you can
simply consider another possibility, you can respond to that person and her actions with
compassion and understanding instead of reacting with hate and anger. Here’s a very
powerful story along these same lines: In his perennial best-seller, the 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey shares an experience he had one Sunday
morning on a New York subway.

Sundays are about the only time subways are peaceful in New York, and this morning
was no exception: people were sitting quietly, some reading their papers, some lost in
thought, others catnapping as the train pulled into the station. Suddenly the scene was
shattered as two boisterous children burst into the car. Loud and obnoxious, they were
yelling back and forth, racing around, even grabbing other people’s newspapers. They
were totally out of control—yet the man who came in with them, presumably their
father, just sat there, staring at the floor of the subway car, oblivious.

37
Talk about thoughtless! Everybody in that car was irritated by the children’s behavior
and the father’s lack of responsibility. Can you get a sense of what it must have felt like
being one of the people on that subway? What would your reaction have been? Well,
Dr. Covey—whose patience had finally ended—turned to the man and said (with what I
imagine was considerable restraint), “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of
people. People Do Things for Their Reasons, Not for Ours In his awesome book, How to
Win Friends and Influence People (really a must read/study), Dale Carnegie talks about
the fact that people do things for their reasons—not for ours. If they’re going to do
something, it’s because there’s a benefit to their doing it. Oh, I know: people wake up
early every morning to go to work even though they don’t want to. But they get up
every morning to go to work because they want the benefit of something more than the
great feeling of staying in bed— namely a paycheck at the end of the week.

What about people who do charity work for others? They’re not deriving a benefit from
it, are they? Sure, they are! The benefit they receive is the good feeling that comes
with doing good and with taking action that aligns with their beliefs and principles. Mr.
Carnegie was right: people do things for their own reasons—even if that reason is
simply to feel better about themselves. Better than the feeling they would have had if
they didn’t do that good deed. If there’s something we need somebody to do for us that
they don’t have to do, then we had better be ready to give them a personal benefit, so
that they feel better about doing that particular thing for us than they would feel by not
doing it.

People Will Do What They Think You Expect Them to Do People will typically behave
the way they think you expect them to behave, and they will act the way they think you
expect them to act. That can work for you either positively or negatively, depending
upon your expectations. Here’s a great example you may have heard before. Not only is
this a true story, but I suspect it’s actually been reenacted thousands of times over the
years to prove and reprove the point. A grade school teacher was going to be away for
a few days.

Before leaving, she met with the substitute to fill her in about the children and what she
should expect of them. She told the substitute that Johnny was the smartest; Joanne,
the most helpful; Jimmy and Susie, the class troublemakers (watch out for them!);

38
David never paid attention (better keep him on his toes!); and so on. A few days later,
when she returned and asked how everything had gone in her absence, the substitute
told her that everything she had said turned out to be exactly true. Johnny was the
smartest, and Joanne the most helpful.

Jimmy and Susan were no end of trouble, and David did have a difficult time paying
attention. What was remarkable about this report was that the teacher had made the
whole thing up. She chose kids at random and gave them completely made-up
personalities. It didn’t matter. Not only had the substitute transferred her expectations
into the minds and hearts of the children, but she acted towards them in such a way as
to elicit from each of them exactly the behaviors she expected them to exhibit. It
reminds me of the old story of the Quaker villages. In every village, there was an old
gentleman placed at the gate whose job it was to greet strangers as they entered the
village. He would welcome them warmly and answer all their questions.

When the visitors asked (as they invariably did), “What are the people like here?” the
old man always asked them in return, “Why, what were they like where you came
from?” If the stranger replied the people where he came from kept to themselves, were
suspicious and rather cold by nature, the old man would nod and reply, “They are the
same here.” If the stranger said the people where he came from were friendly, open
and warm-hearted, the old man would nod and reply, “They are the same here.” In his
excellent book, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, another
highly-recommended read, Les Giblin cites many examples of how this works just as
predictably in the real world of here and now, and he quotes the great British
statesman Sir Winston Churchill: “I have found that the best way to get another to
acquire a virtue is to impute it to him.” when that person is approached by one who
expresses gratitude toward them, what do you suppose the chances are that they will
act with kindness and helpfulness? Exactly. If you doubt this, then please suspend your
doubt and do this with sincerity several times. I guarantee you’ll walk away in
amazement! This is another basic principle that I’ll refer to throughout this book, so
please keep it in mind: to a surprising degree, people act toward you the way you
expect them to.

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It happens to be one of the most powerful principles and methods of all, and we need
to practice applying it until it becomes habit. Politeness, Patience, and Persistence It
was late morning on the day of a big exposition. I would be speaking the following day,
and I, along with several other people, had rented booth space where we would market
my series of audio and video tapes and books. Ah, the books…and there was the
challenge: they weren’t there! I had just found out about the situation as I checked in
at my hotel and picked up a message that the woman who was running our booth had
left for me at the front desk.

I appreciate your effort in looking into it for me. How would we be able to find out
where they are and what their extension is?” With a smile in your voice, you might add,
“I’m in really big trouble if I can’t locate the right person.” This time the operator
answers, no more helpfully but with more concern than coldness in her voice, “I don’t
know.” Be patient. This is just how she’s used to doing things. Now you say, “I really
appreciate your help. I know you’re doing your best. Is it possible for you to look
through your listing of extensions and take a couple shots at it? I don’t want to bother
you; I just have to find that booth.”

At this point, she is going to make an emotional decision based on the avoidance of
pain: the pain of having to keep talking to this polite, patient and persistent person who
obviously is not going to stop until he receives the information he needs. You’re
probably wondering what happened in Toronto. Yes, the switchboard operator finally
tracked down the extension, and I was able to get the woman at the booth to find out
from the loading dock exactly what happened. A few phone calls and several hours
later, my books arrived, and the day was saved. Remember the three P’s—especially
with people who are not usually required to go out of their way to help. You must be
Polite, Patient and Persistent.

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Motivating the Unmotivated Four days later, after that Toronto convention was over, I
was faced with another dilemma. Due to a logistical challenge, I had to personally move
all the books that had not sold down to the loading dock so we could have them
shipped from there. Getting the books down there wasn’t that big a challenge—but
once the books and I were there, it was clear that the fellow at the dock saw himself in
the role of the working man who wasn’t about to be pushed around by some guy in a
suit.

I should have worn jeans. When I first saw him, I couldn’t tell whether he was one of
the drivers or the guy running the operation. He was sitting on a chair reading a
newspaper and drinking coffee, not looking like he was working too hard. That should
have tipped me off. Yup, he was the boss! Here’s an important tip to keep in mind: If
you don’t know, always give the person you approach a more prestigious title than he
or she may actually have. Even if they correct you, they’ll love you for it—and it will
begin the persuasion process on a very positive note. If you think the person with
whom you’re speaking is the secretary, ask if she’s the office manager.

Not only will she appreciate your over-crediting her, but if it turns out she is the office
manager and you ask if she’s the secretary, you’ve started out with one big strike
against you. If you think the person is a host, ask if he’s the manager. If you think she’s
the salesperson, ask if she’s the sales manager. So here I was, facing this gentleman of
indeterminate position, whose help I needed. What I should have asked was, “Excuse
me, are you the operations director?” But did I? Nope. Before giving myself a chance to
think it through, I heard the following words fly from my lips: “Hi, are you one of the
drivers?” Oops. Now, I don’t know why I did that. It must have been a case of
temporary insanity, because I never do that. But I did.

And naturally, he was not happy—at all. “I’m the supervisor,” he replied indignantly.
From there, however, I was able to “save the sale,” the sale in this case being for him
to agree to make the call to the correct shipping company, help me label the boxes
correctly, and then agree to be responsible for the boxes until they were picked up. The
condensed version of this transaction is: I apologized immediately and said, “Of course,
I should have known you are the supervisor!” Then I extended my hand and said, “I’m
Bob Burg,” and asked him his name.

41
He told me, and I then referred to him as Mister So-and-So for the remainder of our
conversation. Most people aren’t used to being addressed that politely and respond very
positively to being shown such respect. At the first opportunity, when he addressed me
as “Mister Burg,” I said, “Please, call me Bob,” which he then did—but I continued to
call him Mister So-and-So. (No, I did not actually call him, “Mister So-and-So,” I used
his real last name!) Treating that supervisor, the way I did put him in a position of
power and respect—something that I am guessing he rarely encounters from a suit.

I then gave him even more of a power position by saying, “I understand that helping
me isn’t your job, and I wouldn’t blame you if you can’t do it, but I could really use your
help.” He grudgingly asked what I needed, and I took it one step at a time. Every few
minutes, when it felt appropriate, I asked him questions about himself: how he got
started in the business, was he from this area, his family, and so forth, just some non-
invasive, get-to-know-you-a-little questions. (It’s important that doing this doesn’t come
off like you’re giving a person the third degree: there is a fine line between being
friendly and being nosey.) Mister So-and-So began warming up to me. “I really
appreciate your help,” I commented.

“I have to tell ya, a lot of people nowadays just wouldn’t take the time to put
themselves out like this.” He smiled with what seemed a newfound pride in himself and
his job. He warmed up some more. Before long he was taping my boxes, stacking them
and personally speaking with the operator at the shipping company on my behalf. He
ended up doing a lot of work, all of which I greatly appreciated. He really helped me
out, and he felt good about it, too—and I made a new friend. I also gave him a tip,
which he rightly earned. At first, he refused to take it, but I insisted. He thanked me for
buying his lunch. I won—and he won. That is the art of persuasion.

How would that scene have played out if instead, I had tried to throw my weight?
around? What if, say, I had threatened to talk to his boss if I didn’t get the help I

42
needed? It’s hard to say for sure. Maybe he’d have done the work I needed, maybe
not. If he did, it most likely would have taken longer and not have been done as well.
Who knows whether those boxes would have ever actually made it safely back to the
publisher? I’ll tell you one thing we do know for sure: whatever he would have done or
not done, it wouldn’t have felt a win to him—and I wouldn’t have gained a friend.

As it is, if I ever go back to that hotel again, I know he’ll remember me, and I’ll already
be one big step ahead in the game. “Thank You” in Advance Is the Best Insurance
Policy You Can Buy It’s great to thank people after they do something nice for you. It’s
even more powerful to thank them before they do something for you. “I really
appreciate you taking the time to….” This is great insurance that they’ll make the time
to do whatever you want done.

This may or may not be apocryphal, but I’ve heard that the practice of giving a “tip” to
a restaurant waitperson was originally paid before the meal was served, and that the
word tip itself was an acronym for To Insure Promptness. Historically factual or not, it’s
a great example of the principle, and it’s a great way of describing it: as a kind of
insurance. (Or extortion, depending upon how you look at it. I prefer insurance.) As an
example of a proper time to thank someone before they start on the assignment, task
or whatever, let’s say you’re talking to your prospect on the telephone. “Mr. Smith,
thank you for taking a moment out of your schedule to speak with me.”

Or, let’s say you’ve just gotten the hotel manager on the phone, and you are about to
inform her about a particular challenge you’re having with your room: “Ms. Jackson, I
appreciate your helping me with this unfortunate situation.” Maybe it’s the mechanic
who’s about to work on your car: “Mr. Davis, thank you in advance for fixing this thing.
Wow, do I depend on you to keep this car working right!” Note that Mr. Davis hasn’t
yet worked on your car, Ms. Jackson doesn’t even know what the challenge is yet, and
Mr. Smith has not yet agreed to take time out of his busy schedule to speak with you.
You’re thanking them all ahead of time, before the fact. This bring me to a crucial
point: Your thank you must be said with sincerity and humility, and not as an implied
demand, as it is sometimes taught. The same words delivered with a sense of

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entitlement (“I fully expect that you’ll do this for me, because after all, it’s your job, and
you owe me”) will come off as manipulative or overbearing. Just take a moment to
reflect about what you’re most grateful for with this person, and go with that. I once
called a popular columnist at our local newspaper to ask her to lend her name to a
charity event I was working on.

After I said hello and told her it was nice to speak with her, she began her part of the
conversation by saying, “Thank you—I know you’re going to be brief.” Not exactly the
type of “Thank you” in advance I’m talking about here. In fact, I immediately felt like
being really brief—and hanging up right then and there. But a charity is a charity, and
the cause I was representing was more important than my personal feelings (otherwise
known as ego). I explained what I needed from her, and she turned me down. What if,
instead, she had said, “Mr. Burg, I’m always happy to talk to someone about supporting
a worthy cause. Unfortunately, I’m in a bit of a rush right now and can’t talk too long.

How can I be of help?” I would have gotten right to it, made my point quickly, and let
her get right off the phone. She probably would not have volunteered her assistance in
either case. But that way, I would have felt good about her and myself. As it was, the
way she spoke to me did not make me feel good about myself—or about her and if by
any chance you’re thinking, “What does she care if you like her or not? She’ll never
need you for anything anyway.” Ahh, I’ll answer that one later on in the chapter
entitled, “The 7 Words that Can Come Back to Haunt You.”

Acknowledging a Job Well Done Inspires a Lifetime of Repeated Efforts Muriel is a

sweet, elderly woman who works at the local supermarket in the deli section, where
they make sandwiches for customers at lunchtime. One day, I asked Muriel for a roast
beef sandwich, adding, “extra lean, please.” She did a really nice job, and after eating, I
walked back over to the counter and genuinely thanked her—loud enough for all the
other patrons and her coworkers to hear—for the “extra special nice job you did with
my sandwich.”

Her eyes brightened and a smile came to her face. From that day on, Muriel has always
seemed to put a little extra meat on my sandwiches—and always very lean. The point is
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this: Acknowledge someone’s effort after they do something for you once, and they’ll
typically take great pains to do it extra, extra special for you from then on. The reason
for this is very simple. First of all, most people just don’t think enough to recognize a
job well done, so your compliment is almost certain to be rare and very appreciated.

Secondly, every time Muriel goes out of her way to make a great sandwich, she’s
making an emotional decision to achieve pleasure —the pleasure of being respected
and appreciated, which is probably not an ordinary occurrence in her life. I can almost
guarantee that’s true, because Muriel is human, and sadly, appreciation and respect
simply aren’t ordinary occurrences in most people’s lives. On a plane back home from a
speaking engagement, I asked the flight attendant if she could possibly substitute some
of the items in my meal for some healthier foods. She obliged and put together a nice
meal for me.

I gave her so much genuine appreciation for her efforts that for the remainder of the
flight, she wanted to know what more she could do for me. What a nice cycle of
success! Make a person feel good for their efforts, and they’ll want to keep proving you
right. It’s been said, “Behavior that gets rewarded gets repeated.” Remember, the
appreciation you express must be genuine, or that person will only feel manipulated
instead of appreciated. There are few things in life more rewarding than genuinely
making another person feel good about themselves.

And the fact that this also results in your obtaining the results you desire makes it even
more rewarding! Handling Rude People on the Telephone From sales prospects to
government bureaucrats, with a zillion others in between, there are times when you
make a necessary important call and are met by a person who is rude and apparently
lives his life for the sole purpose of making your life miserable—especially during this
particular call. Let’s say you’ve never met this person. You don’t know him, and he
doesn’t know you. Either he’s just not a very nice person, or he’s having a particularly
bad day.

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It’s the same to you either way, isn’t it? After all, what do you even know about him?
This is a phone call between two strangers, and possibly the only one you’ll ever have.
Let’s look at how to handle that person and apply the art of persuasion. Begin by
making the conscious decision to respond to the situation, not to react. Most people in
this situation would react: they’d argue with the person, insult him right back, try and
match him word for word and attitude for attitude, as if they were trying to beat him at
his own game.

While that may provide a temporary pleasure, it won’t work to your advantage in the
long run. Not only will you probably not get what you need or want from that person,
but you’ll have made an enemy that might somehow come back to haunt you one day.
And, let’s face it: you’ll have let yourself down knowing that you fell to his level. We’ve
all been there. Make the conscious decision to respond and not react. Next, while he is
talking, complaining, yelling, being generally unhelpful or whatever, hear him out
without interrupting. Then, and only then, you can very sincerely say, “I’m sorry, I must
have said or done something to upset you.

Did I?” And then be silent. It may take a few seconds, but usually the other person will
come right back with, “No, I’m sorry, I’m just having a bad day.” You can then respond
with, “Boy, I’ve had some of those myself, it’s always a lousy feeling.” Then they’re
yours. They know you understand—and most people simply want to be heard and
understood. The same idea goes for handling an incoming upset call, with a slight twist.
Let’s say you represent a product or service and a customer calls to vehemently
complain. This also works in person just as well, butlet’s pretend for right now that
you’re on the phone with them.

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She calls and starts right in with everything that’s wrong with you, your company, your
product, your service. And if there is anything else, she can possibly find to complain
about, she probably complains about that, as well. What do you do? Choose to
respond, not react. You know what you do: you listen silently, first hearing her out
completely. If it’s an in-person situation, nod your head understandingly every so often.
When she gets through, again let her know you understand. “I understand you feel
very strongly about this, and, quite frankly, I feel bad that this happened to you.” If
appropriate, apologize. If not, don’t. Just put yourself in that person’s shoes.

How would you feel if you were in her situation? When you sincerely speak this way,
you’ll disarm her, because she has readied herself for the reaction she expects from the
average person, who’s going to shout right back at her out of defensiveness. Your calm,
understanding response will come as a shock—and an unexpectedly pleasant one. Nine
times out of ten, the person will calm down right then and you’ll be able to have a
conversation based on the Adult-to-Adult state of mind. If she doesn’t calm down, go
back to what you learned earlier about the three P’s: be Polite, Patient and Persistent.
As long as you keep yourself in the Adult state, you’ll outlast the other person’s Parent
or Child state and end up with a positive outcome.

One important point this example illustrates is the power of letting the other person
have their say and hearing them out completely—without interrupting. This is another
habit we all need to develop for any situation. For me, this was always a tough one, but
I’ve made dramatic improvements in this area since I began making a consistent,
conscious effort to practice this. You see, no matter what I’m discussing, I naturally get
so passionate about it that I just can’t wait to get my point across, even if that means
cutting someone off in mid-sentence. But doing so is worse than ineffective.

Whether you’re discussing politics with a friend, taking part in a social group debate, or
making a sales presentation to a prospect, you’ve got to let whoever is talking finish
their point. If not, they’ll become frustrated and angry, and no matter what point you
make from that point on, they won’t buy it. Interrupting and ramming home your
agenda is really a form of intimidation, even if it’s not intended that way. Not only is it
very difficult to persuade anyone while interrupting, it also makes it extremely likely
that you’ll never get a second chance to make your point with that person.

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What is Hypnosis?

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To start with is the definition of hypnosis. According to experts, hypnosis is considered
a state of consciousness that involves the focused attention along with the reduced
peripheral awareness that is characterized by the participant's increased capacity to
respond to suggestions that are given. This means that the participant is going to enter
a different state of mind and will be much more susceptible to following the suggestions
that are given by the hypnotist.

It is widely recognized that there are two theory groups that help to describe what is
happening during the hypnosis period. The first one is known as the altered state
theory. Those who follow this theory see that hypnosis is like a trance or a state of
mind that is altered were the participant will see that their awareness is somewhat
different from what they would notice in their ordinary conscious state. The other
theory is the non-state theories. Those who follow this theory do not think that those
who undergo hypnosis are entering into different states of consciousness.

Rather, the participant is working with the hypnotist to enter a type of imaginative role
enactment. There are many different thoughts that are brought up by the experts as to
what the definition of hypnosis is. The wide variety of these definitions comes from the
fact that there are just so many different circumstances that come with hypnosis and no
one person has the same experience when they are going through it.

Ernest Hilgard and Janet Hilgard have written in great depth about hypnosis and
describe it has a way for the body to dissociate from itself in another plane of
consciousness. 3. Sarbin and Coe, two well-known social psychologists, have use the
term of role theory to describe hypnosis. Under this definition, the participant is playing

49
the role of being hypnotized; they are acting like they are hypnotized rather than
actually being in that state. 4. According to T.X.

Barber, hypnosis is defined based on the different nonhypnotic behavioral parameters.

Under this definition, the participant will define the task motivation and label the
situation that they are in as hypnosis since they have no other thing to call it. 5.
Deisenhofer wrote in some of his earlier writings about hypnosis. He conceptualized
that hypnosis is a state of enhanced suggestibility. In more recent writings, he went on
to define the act of hypnosis as “a form of influence by one person exerted on another
through the medium or agency of suggestion. 6.

Brenman and Gill used the psychoanalytic concept of “regression in the service of the
ego,” to help describe what hypnosis was all about. Under this definition, the participant
is willing to go under hypnosis and into the altered state because it helps out their ego
and makes them to feel better. 7. According to Edmonton a person who has undergone
hypnosis is simply in a deep state of relaxation. 8. Spiegel and Spiegel have stated that
hypnosis is simply something that happens because of the biological capacity of the
participant. 9. Erickson states that hypnosis is an altered, inner-directed, and special
state of functioning.

The participant is still able to function and is conscious of things around them, but they
are in an altered state compared to their normal state. Types of Hypnosis There are a
lot of different types of hypnosis that the subject will be able to undergo. Each of them
will work in slightly different ways and some of them work to help with various issues.
Some may be more fit to helping the subject to relax while others can help more with
weight loss or pain management. This section will talk in more detail about the different

50
types of hypnosis that are available. Traditional Hypnosis The most common type of
hypnosis that is used is known as traditional hypnosis.

During this process, the agent is simply making suggestions directly to the subject's
unconscious mind. This type of hypnosis will work the best on a subject who is known
for accepting the things that they are told and they do not ask a lot of questions. If you
go and visit a certified hypnotist or purchase a tape to do the process of self-hypnosis,
you will be going through the process of traditional hypnosis.

The manipulative personality

We have seen that an important characteristic of a manipulative interaction is the

target’s belief that the ‘‘intentional action’’ (i.e., the manipulator’s goal) is the best
available option for him in a given situation. Accordingly, the manipulator’s ability to
affect critical capacity in order to distort judgment may lower the target’s awareness,
but it does not necessarily guarantee a twist in the ‘‘right’’ direction.

To put it differently, blurring, clouding, and paralyzing critical capacity does not promise
motivation toward the ‘‘desirable’’ track. A strong incentive is needed to guarantee that
the intentional action takes priority in the target’s scale of preferences. In order to
achieve this effect, the manipulator strives to create a link between the intentional
action and the fulfillment of a powerful wish. Often enough the manipulator
approaches, stimulates, or even creates a powerful wish or a strong desire in the
target’s mind. He gives the impression that fulfillment, or satisfaction, can be achieved
if the target follows the manipulator’s guidelines.

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Note, for example, the profitable and efficient strategy to promote the sale of soap, as
described by Jeffrey Trachtenberg in an article that appeared in Forbes in 1987:
‘‘Women would pay 25 cents for a bar of soap that made their hands clean but $2.50
for a bar of soap that promised to make their hands beautiful. Selling plain soap was
peddling product performance. But add some skin cream and you are selling hope—
psychologically more powerful, economically more profitable.’’22 In contrast to this
strategy, the link between the intentional action (the manipulator’s goal) and the
fulfillment of a wish can be formed into detachment. That is, the manipulator creates
the impression that realizing the target’s wish is impossible.

Manipulative behaviors

Understanding the many types of manipulation which exist and which manipulative
methods we are most likely to suffer is helpful in reducing the potentially destructive
power of the manipulator. This knowledge also helps us create less destructive
relationships and encounters because it warns potential manipulators that we are not
very suitable victims. Below we look at a model to describe active and passive
manipulative personalities. It is particularly referenced towards interpersonal
manipulation, but actually, with just a little imagination, the model also works perfectly
well for institutional manipulators and their victims.

Active-Passive Model

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There are several definitions of manipulative behavior in existence but here we will
present the model developed by the psychologist Everett Sjostrom. He distinguishes
between active and passive manipulators and presents eight kinds of manipulators, four
in each category:

Passive manipulator

The passive manipulator on the other hand seeks control through passive methods
using subversive means. Passive manipulation is designed to never offend the victim
and as a technique is more often more successful. The four personalities of the passive
manipulator are: - The victim - The defender - The kind and amiable type - The
dependent addict

Unquestioned Beliefs

The distinction between ‘‘freedom’’ and ‘‘autonomy’’ is extremely important to the

characterization of the very essence of manipulative behavior, or at least to those
motivating actions that I am labeling manipulation in this book. In general, freedom (or
liberty) refers to the range of operational possibilities available to a person, while
autonomy is related to his decision-making process concerning these options. The

53
meaning is that freedom is related to the physical dimension while autonomy is
connected to the mental sphere. Let me draw out this distinction by using John Lock’s
extreme example: ‘‘The person who is put into a cell and convinced that all the doors
are locked (when, in fact, one is left unlocked) is free to leave the cell. But because he
cannot—given his information—avail himself of this opportunity, his ability to do what
he wishes is limited.’’26 According to our distinction, the person has the freedom to
leave, but he does not have the autonomy to do so because he believes that he is
trapped. In principle, the manipulator does not coerce, in the physical sense, the target
to act, but uses cunning, sneaky, and tricky ways to 14 Thought Manipulation influence,
in the mental sense, his decision-making process.

To put it differently, manipulative behavior is geared toward influencing the target’s

decisions, but without limiting his options. Accordingly, we can conclude that
manipulation intrudes on the autonomy of the individual without limiting his freedom.
Of course, we should bear in mind that the possibility to object to, reject, and oppose
any intrusion to our autonomic sphere is not always existent, even in theory. For
example, hiding relevant information so that it is inaccessible can alter a decision-
making process without any possibility of the decision-maker knowing about the
distortion and raising protest.

The crucial point is that these are exactly the cases that I would like to leave out of this
discussion. The case where a motivator is able to invisibly control the external
conditions and maneuver the target’s decision-making without any possibility of the
target knowing about and objecting to the alteration have an effect similar to coercion.
Physical compulsion is not involved, but the distance from it is not too far.

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Accordingly, the contribution of these interactions to our discussion, the clarification of
the unique characteristics of manipulation, and the challenges that the phenomenon
presents to proponents of the open society is marginal. The more interesting and
challenging cases are those where it seems that the target can protest, oppose, and
resist the manipulative influence, but he does not do so. Moreover, often enough it
turns out that the target is actually cooperating with the manipulator even when it
clearly contradicts his very best interests. This is a crucial point that will be discussed in
detail, later.

For now, the main point is that the discussion is limited to cases where the target is
able, or apparently able, to choose his actions freely and independently. To better
clarify what I will consider as manipulation in this book, let me distinguish between two
ways of shaping external conditions, or in Kalman’s term, ‘‘environmental
manipulations’’27: manipulations that are based upon the manipulator’s ability to
‘‘construct the environment’’ and manipulations based upon the manipulator’s attempt
to ‘‘construct the target’s vision upon the environment.’’ In general, our discussion
excludes the first type and includes the second.

Constructing the environment means that the motivator has the ability to control the
external conditions with little possibility of the target knowing about it and protesting.

55
An example of this might be indecent trading, which intentionally moves prices for the
purpose of misleading participants in the financial market.28 Those cases seem to have
an effect that is similar to coercion. Therefore, I will leave them out of our discussion

The soldiers were forced to question beliefs they had never questioned. Their certainty
was undermined. In the Social Animal, psychologist Elliot Aronson remarks: 'Often
beliefs that we hold are never called into question; when they are not, it is relatively
easy for us to lose sight of why we hold them. Thus, if subjected to severe attack, such
beliefs may crumble.' Many of the commentators on Korea pointed out that when a
soldier was uncertain of his beliefs or uninformed of his facts, he was far more
susceptible to influence.

Robert Blake and Jane Mouton, who made a study of interpersonal influence which was
published in The Manipulation of Human Behavior, found from their own experiments
that 'conversion' and 'conformity' occurred most often when people were expressing
ideological attitudes that were not based in personal experience. They suggested that
an individual, to resist interrogation, must be well informed of the relevant and
necessary facts and their implications. (As mentioned in the previous chapter, many
American soldiers were confused about the validity or otherwise of claims that the
United States had been engaging in bacteriological warfare.)

56
Merlo has also said that soldiers needed self-confidence and the ability to think for
themselves if they were to have the courage to reject emotionally pleasant reasoning
that in fact lacked truth. It has therefore been seen quite clearly that lack of
information and not knowing why one holds certain beliefs can leave an individual on
shifting ground. But there is a difference between the concept’s 'information' and
'knowledge'. Investigating the facts brings information whereas knowing why one holds
a belief does not necessarily bring knowledge. A belief is a belief because it isn't
knowledge. Unfortunately, every individual's upbringing helps to invest him with a set of
beliefs which, adopted when too young to be questioned, often come to masquerade as
knowledge. at its most successful and effective level, serves to blinker an individual to
reality and create a dependence on a belief system — any belief system. He can take
blacks or whites but not the shifting shades in between. Indoctrination is an emotive
word.

Perhaps for most people it is most commonly associated with the rather blatant process
of persuasion that goes on in totalitarian régimes or the systematized thinking
encouraged in minority political groups or religious cults (that other people belong to)
where slogans or catchwords, such as 'state control' or 'enlightenment' encapsulate
central concepts. It has a bad flavor, a bad feel, implying that the indoctrinated person
has taken on board the conclusions of others instead of coming to his or her own.

It flies in the face of free thinking, the rational weighing up of arguments and all such
ideals that we think we hold dear. But indoctrination, defined at its simplest, means to
imbue with a doctrine as authors who have been concerned by the concepts of coercion
and behavior manipulation show, most of us are indoctrinated throughout our lives,
often without even knowing it. Beliefs almost 'grow' into us.

57
He sees a child's vulnerability as fourfold. First and foremost, a young child has limited
perceptions. The world is his world and his world is largely composed of his mother and
father. As Toch says, in a world looked at through this particular lens, 'the most casual
remarks of parents. Can easily acquire the weight of infallibility'. Secondly, a child is
vulnerable because of his dependence.

Very early on he will learn or sense that his needs are more likely to be met if he
conforms to what is expected of him. If a child says something that fits with his parents'
particular perspective, perhaps regarding the race or religion of the neighbors, he is
likely to receive praise or approval that reinforces the 'rightness' of the view. Humanistic
psychologists believe that such conformity to the wishes of parents, in return for love,
affection and approval, is the cause of much identity confusion later on.

Carl Rogers, one of the founders of the humanistic movement, advocated the fostering
of 'unconditional positive regard', that is, that a person should be made to feel valued
for himself, regardless of what he does. Too many children grow up thinking that only if
they suppress all their anger or weakness or become academic athletes will they
warrant, and receive, love and affection. Intellectual awareness of the process, as
adults, is often not enough in itself to overcome such deeply held childhood beliefs.
Thirdly, Toch stresses the restricted nature of a child's sources of information.

58
As he points out, adults finding themselves in situations, such as in POW camps in
Korea, where they cannot validate information, are more likely to succumb to
propaganda and indoctrination than otherwise. How, then, can a child be protected
from the effects of continual exposure to the views and behavior of perhaps just two
individuals - whom he idolizes to begin with? Finally, the process dubbed identification
by the psychoanalysts plays its part in the insidious indoctrination process. Th e young
child feels a need to model himself on his father or mother in order to find his own
identity.

They cue him in to what is done and what isn't done, what is thought and what isn't
thought. The parents are probably quite unaware that it is happening. Sceptics might
say that such parental power is relatively short-lasting. By the time the child is going to
school, he or she is exposed to many different viewpoints and lifestyles and is all too
keen to ask questions. Toch acknowledges that — and has an answer.

And even when children do seem to rebel, 'the deviations usually represent variations
on pre-existing themes, rather than the elaboration of new ones'. The hippies of the
60s, perhaps one might say, smoked dope instead of drinking beer; ate meals sitting on
the floor, serving themselves from a communal pot, instead of at a dinner table with
place mats; sold jeweler or pottery on market stalls instead of entering business. Only
the circumstances were changed. As the psychoanalysts have shown, what we learn in
our childhood doesn't always sit easily upon us. We are a mass of contradictions, all too
often manifested as neuroses.

Instead he has learned to impose the beliefs of his parents on his encounters with the
world. These beliefs provide structure where there frequently is none, offer certainty
where there is ambiguity and predict events which are indeterminable.' All is 'all right'

59
unless the beliefs are put-to the test. But if doubts and ambiguities do force themselves
upon the attention, then they may have to be faced and old beliefs rejected.

But the belief that is least likely to die is the one that something somewhere, some
system, some philosophy, does offer the complete answer. The unconscious
indoctrination of childhood may lead one to be susceptible to indoctrination itself,
whatever the doctrine. So much for indoctrination that originates in the family, albeit by
the name of nurture. Just as few would cite the family as a seat of indoctrination as
such, so few people who claim to be religious would consider that organized religions,
such as Christianity and Judaism, operate by indoctrination either.

Questioning is not prevented by any active means. It might seemingly be encouraged,

in order to further understanding. But the understanding that is achieved as a result is
not knowledge itself but the understanding that belief alone can lead to knowledge. Eric
Hoffer, in The True Believer, links this to the fact that all active mass movements. He
sees our acceptance of 'not understanding' as governed by our need for the certainty
that Toch stresses so much.

If we consider again Toch's four ingredients for childhood indoctrination, we can see
that our vulnerability to them doesn't just disappear when we cease to be children.
Restricted access to information, for instance, can take many forms and operates most
strongly in organized religions. Doctrines cannot be verified; they must be believed -
and of course inability to accept this is what leads many people to atheism. However,
the power of early religious learning doesn't disappear like magic if the doctrine itself is
rejected. In the West, Christian ideas of right and wrong permeate most of daily life.

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Similarly, the need to identify doesn't disappear, although it is never as strong as it was
in childhood. In adult life, we make our judgements about whom we think worthy of
respect and, as a result, are far more likely to identify with their ideas. Conformity
remains one of the requisites of civilized society. If one wants to 'get on' in it, one has
to conform to a certain extent. Particularly in the professions, a need to conform to
existing views leads to indoctrination.

In Persuasion and Healing, Jerome Frank describes the process very vividly in the case
of trainee psychoanalysts. T h e would-be Freudian analyst has to start from the view
that Freud's thinking was correct.

The Calculating type and the Dependent addict

Mind control is possible to reverse. Its effects need not be permanent. However, this
will depend heavily on how extensive the manipulation has been, or how deep the
relationship of the victim is to the agent of the mind control that’s been practiced. Some
other factors that can affect mind control are enumerated below: The number of
techniques applied on the victim.? Duration of exposure to manipulation, how long per
session and how often.? How deep the relationship of the victim is with his family and
friends, and how much interaction and support he gets from them.? Whether the victim
is allowed to have outside exposure and for how long.? If sexual abuse and hypnosis is
utilized.

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How much direct contact the victim has with the agent? All of these may sound dark
and horrid, but it is important to note that all of these can happen in the most innocent-
looking setting, like seminars, camps, and other similar activities. Even meeting a new
friend and getting too intimate in too short a time may lead to mind control. Romantic
relationships are often based on mind control, to some extent. You may believe that all
your interests are indeed yours, though you may find out at a future date, when the
relationship is no longer a valid one, that they were in fact the interests of your partner.

Being stronger than you mentally, it’s even possible that your partner was aware of
controlling you and your preferences, to change the way you perceived the world you
shared with him. Relationships are a great example of mind control. This is because
some people use mind control to attract potential mates. Pretending to be a certain way
just long enough to draw in the person they think they want to spend their lives with,
they can change without warning after only a short period of time.

Having led the mate, they’ve fooled into believing they’re someone they’re not, the
agent of mind control will reveal himself and the relationship will implode. The
calculating type exaggerates his control while the dependent inflates his addiction and
dependency. The calculating manipulator flatters, lies, and constantly tries to deceive
their victim to gain their control. They will claim that the target person is "really the
only one who understands me", or "really understands my case". The target
"dependent" will seek to inspire constant pity and a need to be helped, supported,
guided and perhaps manipulated.

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In this way, they will let others do their work for them. The calculating type can be a
pressure salesman, a seducer, a gambler or a blackmailer. The addict can be parasitic,
eternally childish, a hypochondriac, a helpless individual or a whiner.

The Brutish and the Kind

The brutish type exaggerates aggression, cruelty, and rudeness whereas the kind,
amiable type embroiders warmth, love, and kindness. The brutish type intimidates, and
makes direct or implied threats of the kind: "Do not let me down, everything depends
on you!", "Don't forget, there are plenty of others who would like to be in your
position!" The amiable subject, however, kills by kindness and always wins when it
comes to a conflict with a brutish type. "How can he do that? He is such a nice guy!"
The Brute can be hateful, spiteful and mean. The amiable type is always nonviolent,
implies nothing, and is virtuous and inoffensive, he experiments will be discussed more
fully later but, in brief, the scenario was as follows. Volunteers of all ages and
professions were invited, for a fee, to take part in a study supposedly about the effects
of punishment on learning. Volunteers were paired as 'teacher' and 'learner' (although
in fact the learner was an assistant of the experimenter). Th e teacher had to teach the
learner a long list of word pairs. The learner, if he got one wrong when tested, was to
receive an electric shock. The first time he made an incorrect reply, the shock was to be
mild in intensity - fifteen volts.

Every ensuing time that he made a mistake, the intensity was to increase, up to a
maximum of 450 volts. The teachers were told that the learner couldn't suffer physical
harm. Of course, the learner was only seemingly wired up for shocks and didn't really
receive any at all (although to convince the teachers of the genuine nature of the

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experiment, the experimenter gave each teacher a 45-volt shock just to show him how
it felt

About 300,000 volunteers were drawn for the experiment in all. Before the experiment
began, psychiatrists were asked to predict how far the subjects would go and the
consensus was that only the 'lunatic fringe' would go beyond 150 volts, the tenth of the
30 shock levels. The assumptions behind these predictions were, first, that people are
for the most part decent and don't like hurting innocent others and, second, that a
person is in command of his own behavior and he decides what he will do.

To the amazement of Milgram and the psychiatrists alike, no less than 62 per cent of
people tested continued to give shocks right up to the 450-volt level. As Milgram was
careful to point out, his subjects were a good cross-section of an ordinary population,
rather than sadists. Most suffered extreme stress while giving the shocks and
afterwards couldn't believe they had been capable of doing such a thing. What the
assumptions of psychiatrists and experimenters alike had failed to take into account in
this experiment was that the concept of duty and obedience towards a respected
authority has a very deeply entrenched hold on people in general.

As Milgram said in his book Obedience to Authority. A very treasured assumption that
only the few would ever be prevailed upon to carry out actions completely contrary to
'fundamental standards of morality' had to bite the dust. People do not make their own
decisions based on their own, and collective, standards of behavior always, because few
have the resources to resist authority. Circumstances can affect our actions more
dramatically than we could ever allow ourselves to believe.

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Assumptions:

Assumptions may affect behavior in very subtle ways. Benjamin Lee Whorf has shown
that our assumptions about the meanings of words can actually have alarming effects
on our actions. He discovered while working for a fire insurance company that many
fires started not because of people's carelessness but because they misread the
situation, due to their understanding of words commonly used to describe it. (Article in
Language, Culture and Personality,) He found, for instance, that men working in the
vicinity of a storage of gasoline drums were conscious of fire hazard and careful of their
behaviors; but that, when around what were designated as 'empty gasoline drums',
their actions might be different - unrestricted smoking and throwing down of stubs was
quite common. Yet the empty drums are even more dangerous because they contain
explosive vapor.

No effort was made by the workers to protect this covering from excessive heat or
flame. When, eventually, the fire below one of the stills spread to the 'limestone',
everyone was astounded to see that the limestone burned quite furiously. Because of
exposure to acetic acid fumes from the stills, part of the limestone (calcium carbonate)
had converted to calcium acetate, which, when heated by fire, formed inflammable
acetone.

On the same principle, Whorf explained the accident that happened when a pile of
'scrap lead' was dumped near a coal melting pot used for lead reclaiming. The paraffin
blazed up and burned off half of the roof. The label we give to objects and practices
can therefore lead us to erroneous assumptions about the nature of those objects and
practices.

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 Delving into Dark Psychology

This one is a little more in depth because it is going to require the use of metaphors
and little stories. These are used in order to present the ideas and suggestions that are
required to the unconscious mind. Even though this method will require a little more
experience and training to do, it is a very effective and powerful method to use. The
reason that it works so well is because it is able to eliminate the resistance and
blockage that the subject may have to the suggestions. There are two main types of
metaphors that will often be used in this kind of hypnosis; isomorphic and interspersal.

For the metaphor that is interspersal in nature, the command that is explained has been
imbedded into the story and would not be easily discovered by the subject outside of
their unconscious mind. The other type, isomorphic metaphor, is a little more common
and offers directions to the unconscious mind simply by presenting a story to the
subject that will offer a moral at the end. The unconscious mind will be able to draw a
one to one relationship connecting the elements that come from the story and the
elements that come with the behavior or problem situation.

Video Hypnosis While the other forms of hypnosis have been extremely popular in
assisting subjects to overcome obstacles and change the way that they think in order to

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live better lives, new forms of hypnosis are always being developed. One of the newest
forms of hypnotherapy that has been developed is video hypnosis. This form is offered
through commercial means so that people are able to purchase them and use at their
own convenience. The techniques that are used in some of the brands of video
hypnosis are also based on the Neuro-Linguistic Programming technology that was
discussed earlier.

This means that the video hypnosis technique will work based on utilizing the existing
thought processes that the subject has rather than using hypnotic suggestion like
traditional methods. Deception The next type of mind control that will be discussed is
deception. This mind control technique is going to have some similarities to
manipulation in the fact that manipulators will use a lot of deception in order to get to
their final goal. This chapter will go into more details about how deception works, the
techniques involved in it, and some of the research that has been found. What is
Deception? To start with is the definition about what deception is.

Deception, along with subterfuge, mystification, bluff, deceit, and beguilement, is an act
used by the agent to propagate beliefs in the subject about things that are falsehoods
or which are only partial truths. Deception can involve a lot of different things such as
concealment, camouflage, distraction, sleight of hand, propaganda, and dissimulation.
The agent will be able to control the mind of the subject because the subject is going to
trust them. The subject will believe what the agent is saying and might even be basing
future plans and shaping their world based on the things that the agent has been telling
them.

If the agent is practicing the process of deception, the things they have been telling the
subject will be false. Trust can easily be ruined once the subject finds out, which is why

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the agent must be talented at the process of deception and good at turning things
around if they want to continue on with their subject. Start thinking objectively and it
becomes possible to imagine people as machines. The machines are designed to
achieve goals, and will do so by reacting to inputs (information) and creating outputs
(actions).

If you control the inputs, by controlling that information, you can deceive. With that
deception, you can change the outputs, resulting in different actions. The reason
deception takes a central role in manipulation is that it is important for parties you
manipulate to believe their actions are furthering their own interests. Otherwise, they
have no reason to take those actions.

Dark Triad Personalities

An ideal deception would have minimal risk and maximum reward, with plausible
deniability if found out. There is also the risk that lies can lead to further lies, in order
to cover up the original deception; in this case, the risk swells while the reward remains
the same and what might have seemed like a good idea at first can become a terrible
decision. Detecting Deception If the subject is interested in avoiding deception in their
life in order to avoid the mind games that come with it, it is often a good idea to learn
how to detect when deception is going on.

Often, it is difficult for the subject to determine that deception is occurring unless the
agent slips up and either tells a lie that is obvious or blatant or they contradict

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something that the subject already knows to be true. While it may be difficult for the
agent to deceive the subject for a long period, it is something that will commonly occur
in everyday life between people who know each other. Detecting when deception
occurs is often difficult because there are not really any indicators that are completely
reliable to tell when deception happens.

Deception, though, is capable of placing a large load on the cognitive functioning of the
agent since they are going to have to figure out how to recall all of the statements that
they have made to the subject so that the story remains believable and consistent. One
slip up and the subject will be able to tell that something is not right. Because of the
strain of keeping the story straight, the agent is much more likely to leak out
information to tip off the subject either through nonverbal or verbal cues.

Researchers believe that detecting deception is a process that is cognitive, fluid, and
complex and which will often vary depending on the message that is being exchanged.
According to the Interpersonal Deception Theory, deception is an iterative and dynamic
process of influence between the agent, who works to manipulate the information how
they want it so that it is different from the truth, and the subject, who will then attempt
to figure out if the message is valid or not. The agent's actions are going to be
interrelated to the actions that the subject takes after they receive the message.

During this exchange, the agent is going to reveal the nonverbal and verbal information
that will cue the subject in to the deceit. At some points, the subject may be able to tell
that the agent has been lying to them. Irrational Behavior So far, in the fundamentals
of manipulation, there has been an assumption based on the idea that parties act
rationally. This is, broadly, a good assumption. What may seem like irrational behavior,

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to some people, is often a case of someone having unexpected goals. It is of little
interest, to your manipulation efforts, to assess the rationality of anyone's goals.

While the volatility (liability to change) of those goals is of interest, the rationality of
them is not. The important thing is to determine a person's goals via their actions and
use those goals to predict, and manipulate, their future actions. For example, a co-
worker may seemingly be slacking off at work. They might not be doing any of the
things required to achieve a promotion or make a good impression on your boss. Is
their behavior irrational? It may seem so, but only if you assume their main goal is to
advance their career. In actual fact, they may be looking for an easy ride, or focused on
pursuing a love interest in the office.

They might be more interested in their life outside of work and simply choose to earn
some respite during work hours, so they can party it up all night again. In that sense,
their actions are not irrational - they are simply geared towards achieving another goal.
Is that goal rational? It hardly matters. Main Components of Deception While it may be
difficult to determine which factors show when deception is occurring, there are some
components that are typical of deception.

Often the subject will not realize that these components have occurred unless the agent
has told an outright lie or been caught in the act of deceiving. These are components
that will be recognized later on if the agent is using the process of deception in the
right way. The three main components of deception include camouflage, disguise, and
simulation. Camouflage The first component of deception is camouflage. This is when

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the agent is working to hide the truth in another way so that the subject will not realize
that they are missing the information.

Often this technique will be used when the agent uses half-truths when they are telling
information. The subject will not realize that the camouflaging has occurred until later
when these truths are revealed in some way. The agent will be skilled in camouflaging
the truth so that it is really difficult for the subject to find out about the deception by
chance. Disguise Disguise is another component that can be found in the process of
deception. When this occurs, the agent is working to create an impression of being
something or somebody else.

This is when the agent is hiding something about themselves from the subject such as
their real name, what they do for a job, who they have been with, and what they are
up to when they go out. This goes further than just changing the outfit that someone
wears in a play or a movie; when disguise is used in the process of deception, the
agent is trying to change their whole persona in order to trick and deceive the subject.
Simulation The third component of deception is known as simulation. This consists of
showing the subject information which is false. There are three techniques that can be
used in simulation including distraction, fabrication, and mimicry.

In mimicry, or the copying of another model, the agent will be unconsciously depicting
something that is similar to themselves. They may have an idea that is similar to
someone else's and instead of giving credit, they will say that it is all theirs. This form
of simulation can often occur through auditory, visual, and other means. Fabrication is
another tool that the agent may use when using deception. What this means is that the
agent will take something that is found in reality and change it so that it is different.

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They may tell a story that did not happen or add in embellishments that make it sound
better or worse than it really was.

The Art of Making People Feel Important

Children Are Often Our Best Teachers Let's takes a time-out from persuasion techniques
and learn a lesson on positive, long-term persuasion from a couple of kids. When
dealing with people over a period of time-whether family, friends, associates, or
acquaintances-the best persuasion method you can employ is yourself. In other words,
the essence of you, what you show that person on a consistent, continuous basis. If
you show people love, they'll respond to that and want to go out of their way to please
you whenever possible.

The following story is from Parade magazine's weekly column, “Teens: What Do You
Think?” The column's heading this particular week was “Favorite Lines Parents Say.”
Fifteen-year-old Laura Livingston of Florida wrote, “My favorite thing my parents say to
me is 'I love you.' Even when I'm mad at them, I love hearing them say it. It's a
common phrase in my house, but I feel lucky every time I hear it.” Sixteen-year-old
Valerie Sleeted of Virginia wrote, “One piece of good advice I got from my father is,
'Everyone walks around with an invisible sign around their neck that says “Make Me
Feel Important.”' This was told to him one day by my late grandfather, Colonel Frank
Sleeted, in our old country store. I think it is a good example of country wisdom.”

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Personally, I'd add that it's a good example of country, city, state and any other kind of
wisdom! People want to be around and do things for those people who make them feel
loved and important. This is another skill to keep practicing until it becomes an
internalized part of who you are. My guess is that most people don't realize that making
people feel loved, valued, and important is a skill. But it is, and because it is, you can
learn to master it.

Do you know people, perhaps even people you don't really know that well, who simply
make you feel good whenever you're around them? Don't they make you feel loved, or
at least well-liked? Like you are special, important? And don't you want to please these
people? Why is that? You naturally want to please such people for the simple emotional
reason of desire for pleasure-in this case, the pleasure of having the opportunity to be
around that person more. We all like to feel special and loved. If it feels good to be
around that person, how would you like to be that person? You can be. If you
internalize the skill of loving people and making them feel important and good about
themselves, others will go out of their way to please you.

People give what they get. If you give them love, they'll give it back to you -often
magnified. Love people, and the challenge of mastering the art of persuasion will be
won before it has even begun! In a Weak Position? Allow Them to Decide Your Fate-
You'll Probably Get the Best Deal This is another one of those that works most of the
time, so long as you've set up the situation correctly and won the person happily over
to your side. Let's say you're negotiating from of a position of weakness, instead of
strength. Not exactly the ideal situation.

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If you read any good book on negotiation, the very first thing it'll tell you is the best
way to negotiate is from a position of strength. That strength may be, for example, in
terms of having superior knowledge, or having the willingness to “walk away from the
deal.” Yet as true as that is, it isn't always feasible-not in the real world. Let's say you
need something repaired on your car. You're in a hurry, or like me, you're mechanically
impaired. (I have five left thumbs and know next to nothing about how to fix cars.)

Or let's say immediate repair is needed on a part of your home, or you need a copying
machine for your office right away. The best way to handle these situations-since you
have the need to take immediate action without the knowledge to negotiate the best
price-is to employ the method of simply putting your fate in the other person's hands.
Here's how to do it: First, let him know how much you believe in him as a human being.
Even if you just met him, you can just feel it in your gut and express that: “Joe, I know
absolutely nothing about this particular situation.

My ignorance in this area astounds me. I feel comfortable with you, though. I don't
know many things, but I happen to be an excellent judge of character. If I'm right
about you -and I think I am-you're a successful businessperson who is honest, ethical,
and fair. I'd like to just leave it up to you. I know you'll give me the lowest possible
price, which will be fair to both of us and will allow me to feel good about referring
everyone I know to you.” As far back as I can remember, only one time did I ever feel
as though the person I did business with in this way was not as fair as he could

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possibly be. Everyone else has treated me either fairly or better. What are some of the
key ideas we used in that situation? You showed him respect. You showed belief in him.
You know he's fair, ethical, and honest-and said so. People generally act according to
the way they feel you think they're going to act. You let him know you respect his
business savvy (we all like to feel that we're sharp businesspeople, don't we?) and you
wanted and expected him to make a profit. You also mentioned referrals, which handles
the “What's in it for me?” factor.

You also let him know-very subtly-that if he didn't treat you right, there probably would
never be any more business from you, nor any referrals. You see how that works? In
the blink of an eye, you can go from being at a great disadvantage to being treated
fairly-and possibly even superbly. Negotiation and the Art of Persuasion Let's talk about
negotiation for a moment. One could quite correctly say this entire book is about
negotiation. Let's face it: any time we want something from someone, whether it's
money, an act of kindness, respect, or anything else, we are negotiating.

While you'll never use manipulative or harmful tricks against others, you will benefit
greatly by others not being able to use them against you! Declining an Offer the Right
Way Sets You up for a Win The following story hits on an interesting point, once again
dealing with showing respect-especially in a situation where many people wouldn't.
When you're involved in a negotiation and a person offers you a deal that you are
simply not interested in, remain respectful no matter what. By declining an offer
respectfully, you're positioned to receive “a benefit of a miscommunication.”

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Often companies buy a large quantity of my audio program entitled How to Cultivate a
Network of Endless Referrals, to be used either as resale items or as continuing training
tools for their salespeople. One particular company's representative asked me if they
could make a duplicate of the recording master and produce the audios themselves.
They would then give me a royalty per program sold. They asked this because my
program retailed at a higher price than they were willing to pay. He was, in other
words, asking if it would be okay with me if he pirated my program! Talk about an offer
that I could refuse.

There was no way I'd ever agree to an arrangement like that. But instead of bluntly
turning him down, or saying something like, “Are you kidding! I'd have to be crazy to
agree to something like that! What do you take me for, an idiot?” which would have
offended him, embarrassed him, and hurt his ego, I was careful to decline in a very
respectful manner. I said, “Mr. Sanders, I appreciate your kind offer, and I feel honored
you'd want to share my information, but if I did that, it would be unfair to all the people
who distribute these and get such a substantial discount for doing so.” He looked very
surprised. Not surprised that I declined his offer-but because he didn't realize I gave
distributors and quantity buyers such a major discount. He'd never thought to ask, and
I had just figured he knew. I was wrong: he didn't! When I told him the discounted
price, he was delighted, and we agreed on the transaction right there. He became a
good client.

Had I put him down while turning him down, which would have been a natural impulse,
because what he was proposing was almost insulting-do you think we would have ever
gotten to the point of understanding? Even if we had, would offending him have helped
or hurt my chances of our coming to an agreement? Declining an offer respectfully will
dramatically increase your chances of finding agreement, if or when one can possibly be

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found. Many times, after telling a prospective client what I charge for a speaking
engagement, I have been talked to as if I were committing highway robbery.

I've actually been laughed at! “Ha! You're kidding! I'd never pay a speaker that much!”
Hey, I have an ego, too, and when someone talks to me like that, I remain polite, but I
sure don't offer to discuss any other type of arrangement. While I don't lower or
discount my price as a matter of principle (and of practicality), there are often other
options that I could come up with, including referring them to speakers I know who can
provide great value but who charge a lower fee. But if they laugh in my face, am I
thinking of various options that might solve their problem? No, I'm thinking that I don't
like being laughed at.

However, if they say, “Bob, I'd love to have you come in for us, but I just couldn't
possibly pay you that kind of money,” that's completely different. We still might not be
able to work anything out, but maybe we would. Possibly we could restructure my fee
with a trade-out for one of their company's products, or design a combination of a fee
with guaranteed or advance book sales. And again, I would at least go out of my way
to find them another speaker who would do them well at a lower fee level, and under
such circumstances, I have often done just that. This holds true for circumstances large
and small.

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If someone is simply asking for a small favor, a quick phone call, a moment of your
time, but it's something that just isn't possible for you at the moment, the same
principle applies. Whatever the situation, when you need to decline, it's important to do
so with respect and make the other person feel good about herself. When you do, if
there is any chance for a productive outcome, you've just greatly increased the odds
that this will happen.

Get the Person from Whom You Want Help Involved in the Challenge People will be
more apt to help you solve a challenge if they feel your challenge is also their
challenge. Les Goblin raises this point beautifully in How to Have Confidence and Power
in Dealing with People. He suggests that instead of asking someone to help you with
your challenge, make it his challenge as well simply by asking him how he would solve
the problem. For instance, you're trying to figure out how to connect a ginger-gadget.

You know that Tom has good mechanical skills and it would be a snap for him to make
the connection. You, on the other hand, are like me and cannot successfully assemble a
two-piece Fisher-Price® tool that says, “Snap on here.” You could just come right out
and ask Tom to do this for you, but unless he's a good friend or just a naturally helpful
guy, chances are good he'll find a reason to decline. But what happens if you say,
“Tom, you're a master with your hands, and I'm the worst-how would you suggest I
begin to put together a ginger-gadget?” Tom, whose ego you just fed quite nicely (you
just called him a master, remember?), will probably want to show you how to get
started. And he might not stop until he's done. Let's say you're trying to get an
introduction to Deborah Durham, the decision-maker of a company who could use your
products. You're sure that if you could just get in to see Ms. Durham, you could have

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her as a very lucrative, long-term client. You know a man in the company named Steve
who personally knows Ms. Durham, but you don't quite know him well enough for him
necessarily to want to go out of his way for you. Instead of simply asking him to make
the introduction for you.

I can't figure it out.” Wow, what a challenge you've given Steve! How could a person
given so much respect for his inside knowledge possibly refuse to share that
information? Not that it couldn't happen, mind you, but you've certainly increased your
odds of receiving the introduction you desire. Another win! How to Disagree and Still
Win without Intimidation No one likes to be corrected, even when they say something
that is absolutely incorrect.

Your prospect tells you he would never buy your product because it doesn't have the
capacity to cross-file data to the 102nd mega-degree. You know that's not true: it
actually does have that capacity. But if you come right out and tell him he's wrong, he'll
resent you for it. You could convince him logically of the fact that your product not only
can cross-file data to the 102nd mega-degree (whatever that means), but could also do
it at the speed of light, while blindfolded-and the chances are your prospect will still say
“no.” He'll find a way to say “no” to protect his position anyway he has to, because he
feels his ego has been bruised. Would you agree with that? At least nine times out of
ten-right? We've all seen it happen.

Your boss gives you back a report you handed in and asks you to correct one area that
you know was right. You researched it, checked and double checked it and you know
it's right. How do you suppose your boss will respond, though, if you simply tell her that

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she's wrong, and your report is right? Is there a slight chance that her ego may not
wholeheartedly appreciate your pointing that out? Is there just a tiny chance, in fact,
that she'll still somehow find a way to make both it and you wrong, either right now or
in your next report? There is more than a tiny chance that she'll do that: there is a
humongous chance.

Unless this person is an extraordinary human being, you bet she will! Instead, phrase
your disagreement in a way she can live with and even appreciate. Take the onus off
her and put it on your own “lack of understanding.” This works like a charm. When
having to disagree with another person's statement in order to get your point across
and get what you want, it's often best to lead into the correction with statements such
as, “Correct me if I'm wrong…” or, “I don't understand…” or, “Could you clarify
something for me…?” Pat tells you he can't deliver your new furniture by Friday.

You could react by saying, “You did it the same day for Dave Sprazinski on a special
delivery order!” Instead, why not respond with, “Joe, correct me if I'm wrong-you know
these things much better than I do-weren't you able to get my friend Dave Sprazinski's
furniture to him in on some sort of, I don't know, special delivery order?” Marjorie says,
“I don't like how that looks in this particular order.” Two days earlier, that's exactly the
order she said she wanted it in, and changing it now would cost you a whole lot of time
and money. But if you come right out and tell her that, she probably won't budge an
inch.

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Why not lead into your statement with, “Marjorie, could you clarify something for me,
because I want you to be totally happy with my order. I interpreted what you said to
look this way. It really does work great, too, your judgment was right on the mark. Can
we review this step by step?” Keep in mind, when you have to correct someone who is
wrong, you need to do so without offending them and their ego. Use diplomatic phrases
that allow you to tactfully move into the information you need to express in order to get
agreement from that person.

However, for all we've been taught about how we should write thank-you notes, very
few people actually write them! And they don't realize that they are missing a golden
opportunity. By the way, I'm not talking about “thank-you emails” here. I'm talking
about actual thank-you notes, written on paper and sent through the mail. While saying
“thank you” by email is also an excellent tool when used appropriately, it is not very
effective for what we are discussing here. When you send a personalized, handwritten
note, you are remembered for a good reason: you have distinguished yourself from all
those who don't send such notes-which includes practically everyone.

I've found sending thank-you notes to be one of the most (if not the most) powerful
tools in building a huge and effective network, both professionally and socially. I've also
noticed that people with the most impressive networks are avid note-writers. Does that
say something? I think it does. Not only will you be remembered-and very favorably-by
the person to whom you sent the note, you will also be remembered for having cared

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enough to make the effort. Show someone they matter to you, and you will matter to
them. When the air-conditioning repair person comes out to fix your unit, send her a
nice, handwritten thank you note (a thank-you note to her boss wouldn't be a bad idea
either).

If you ever need them in an emergency, there's a good chance they'll remember you
and your note and come through for you. When you've had a particularly good meal at
a restaurant, drop a nice handwritten note to both the waitperson and the owner or
manager. You'll most likely be treated as a VIP forever after. I can tell you, both from
personal experience and the experiences of others, this works big time. If for whatever
reason you ever need help from a police officer, be sure and send him a thank-you
note, and while you're at it, one to his commanding officer, too. You certainly want
them on your side in the event of (heaven forbid) a real emergency.

I repeat, both from personal experience and the experiences of others, this works big
time. After you meet a person who may be in a position to either purchase your
products or services or refer you to others who can, send a nice, handwritten note.
When salespeople do this with consistency (consistency being the key), they receive
dramatic long-term and even short-term results. I suggest making your note card 8½
by 3½ inches, which fits nicely inside a standard #10 business envelope, and on 60-or
70-pound card stock. (This is heavier than regular 20-pound bond, but not as heavy as
a postcard.)

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The card's design could have your company logo on the upper right-hand side and,
below that, your picture, which will help the recipient remember who you are. The
picture should be small and professional according to the image you wish to project. (A
lot of people are embarrassed at first to include their picture, but it really does help
others to remember you. There is much truth to the saying, out of sight, out of mind.)
Below the picture you would typically place your address and phone number. I suggest
also putting your brief benefit statement across the bottom. For example, a financial
advisor might use, “We help people create and manage wealth.” Don't let your
information take up too much space on the card.

Again, though, please remember, it is not a “sales piece.” It's a relationship-builder. If

you make it salesy, you'll totally defeat the purpose. When writing the note, I suggest
using a pen with blue ink. Blue ink has been proven to be more effective, both in
business and personally. Regarding the envelope, handwrite the person's name and
address (again, with blue ink) and make it a point to hand-stamp the envelope, rather
than putting it through a postage meter. You want the letter to be opened, not to be
perceived as junk mail.

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Anyone in the business of mail order will confirm that letters that look personal on the
outside increase their odds of being opened tenfold. The note itself should be kept
short, simple, and sweet. For example: Pat, thank you so much for the super job you
did with our air conditioner. It's great to know of a service professional who really
understands the meaning of “service.” I'll let all our friends know about you. Thanks!
Tom Do you think the comfort of you and your family will take precedence in the
future? You can bet on it! When meeting a potential business contact, your note might
read, Hi, Ann, Thank you. It was a pleasure meeting you at the Chamber function.

If I can ever refer business your way, I certainly will. Best regards, Debby When you
write a nice note to the waiter and owner of the restaurant, how quickly do you think
they'll respond next time to make sure you and your family are seated at the best table
and are served a delicious meal? The answer: very quickly. The same goes for
practically anyone to whom you send one of these handwritten notes. It's one of the
best methods ever for developing that feeling of know, like, and trust toward you.

These Notecards Can Even Turn Enemies into Friends Here's an example of how to turn
a potential lemon into a lemonade using these notes. At an annual convention of an
association to which I belong, I was sitting at a table with about ten other people.
There were several conversations taking place simultaneously around the table, and

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without realizing it, I was talking louder than I should have been. A man sitting next to
me-an older gentleman and a true center of influence within the association-turned to
me with a touch of annoyance in his voice and said, “Bob, you seem to have quite an
audience there.”

He could have been more tactful in his reproach, but his point was made- and taken.
And he was absolutely right. Upon returning from the convention, I immediately sent
him a personal note. Not an apology notes, but a thank-you note. It read: Dear Mr.
Jones, Thank you. It was a pleasure meeting you at the recent convention. Best of
success in the coming year. Regards, Bob. That was it. Nothing was mentioned about
the incident. It was just a simple thank-you note. Did it achieve the desired result?
Well, at the following convention one year later, upon spotting me, Mr. Jones (not his
real name, of course) made his way over from across the room to shake hands and
greet me like an old friend.

A good relationship developed, and he and I are very friendly to this day. Concerning
the timing of when you send your note, my suggestion is simple: do it right away. In
many communities, if you mail a letter before midnight, it will arrive locally the very
next day. Having it appear on a person's desk at work or in their home the day after
they met you or performed a service for you is a very nice touch. I suggest developing
the habit of sending these notes immediately. One major factor that separates those
who succeed in any area of life from those who don't is the ability to take action at the
correct moment.

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In today's super-fast-paced society, that moment is now. Actually, ability isn't even the
correct word. The more accurate term is self-discipline. I believe the following holds
true: The longer you wait to do what you know you should do now, the greater the
chances are that you'll never actually get around to doing it. This is known as the Law
of Diminishing Intent. And sending these notes is too important to never actually get
around to doing it.

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 Dark Secrets of Hypnosis

These proposals come to us from a variety of sources and in varied ways. There are
external suggestions, which can come from people, places, or things. Any time
someone asks you to do something, it's an 8 Self-Hypnosis Revolution suggestion. Any
time someone commands you to do something, it's simply a more emphatic suggestion:
it's up to you to comply. For example, if your supervisor tells you to clean up the display
case, it's really just a suggestion. If a bill comes in the mail with a demand for payment,
it's really a suggestion with an underlying imperative. Another example of suggestion at
work would be when you shop at the grocery store and you notice an appealing picture
on the frozen pizza box.

That picture is an external suggestion designed to influence (or seduce) you to

purchase that item. External suggestions also come in the form of revealed information.

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Any time someone tells you something about himself or herself, you're exposed to
suggestions. Anytime you read anything, you're exposed to suggestions. This book
you're now reading is full of suggestions. Self-suggestions, on the other hand, are ideas
we propose to our-selves, ideas that initiate from our own minds. A good example of a
self-suggestion would be when you ask yourself what you feel like eating for dinner.

Suggestive thoughts can impact you as a result of sudden or repetitive events. But it's
how you interpret them that matters. For instance, do you remember when you were
last thrown a surprise party? Talk about sudden, huh?Or maybe when you heard the
news about the latest bombing. What a shock. Each of these can affect you because of
the thoughts they suggest and the emotions they can evoke in you. Recurring events
can also affect you. Being told by your mate every day what a wonderful person you
are will have a cumulative effect on your self-esteem. Let's say you expose yourself to
gossip about the divorces and new marriages of current celebrities. It might have a
serious impact on the way you handle your relationships.

That's the insidious effect of such gossip, and you may not even be conscious of it. But
it is more than just your mental health that is affected by your mental diet. Your body is
also subject to the power of suggestion. You might wonder how your thoughts can
affect your physical body, as many of us believe and act as though body and mind are
separate. But the truth is… Every thought you think affects your physical body
Regardless, all of us keep an internal dialogue going in which we tell ourselves about
what we think about our lives, our values, and how we esteem ourselves. Self-talk is
essentially synonymous with self-suggestion, and has a tremendous impact on how we
feel about things, how we interpret events, and whether we are open to change. And

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self-suggestions-designed to support personal goals, emotional well-being, and bodily
processes-provide a source of healthy mental nutrition.

Perhaps a Zen master finds it easy to be at peace no matter what apparent chaos is
manifesting, but most of us, I think it's safe to say, are not Zen masters. So, admitting
to “ouch!” when it hurts is an understandable and healthy reaction to adverse
circumstances and events. Positive self-suggestion, on the other hand, is not an
attempt to deny the sometimes-harsh realities we may encounter. It is a way to simply
move forward with what we do want for our lives. Or, to illustrate, upon falling down
and scraping a knee the positive thinker might say, “My knee doesn't hurt. I feel just
fine.”

Someone practicing self-suggestion, on the other hand, might say, “Ouch. I hurt my
knee. I call upon all of my resources to help my knee heal quickly.” The Key to Effective
Self-Suggestion The basis for success with any form of self-suggestion has to do with
proper communication with the subconscious. The subconscious is the key to effective
self-suggestion, so it's important that we have an understanding about some of its
functions and faculties.

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14 Self-Hypnosis Revolution The subconscious (which some refer to as the unconscious)
is that aspect or level of the mind below the threshold of your awareness. In other
words, we are usually not aware of its thoughts or actions. It is responsible for running
the thousands of autonomic bodily functions of the body, such as blood pressure,
breathing, metabolism, etc. It is the repository for all memories and habit patterns.
Additionally, it is the filter through which all perceptions must pass on the way to
aware-ness. And while much is still unknown about the subconscious, some of the ways
the subconscious operates have become apparent through observation.

Here is a brief list: The subconscious is open to suggestions originating from the
conscious level. This part of the mind responds to directives coming from the conscious
level and the truth is that we are giving directions and suggestions to it virtually all of
the time, whether we know it or not. And the subconscious does not discriminate
between good directives and bad ones. In a sense, it is rather like a computer in that
whatever you put into it is what you will get out of it.

The reason some of our intended ideas “stick” while others don't depend on whether
there is a consistent and motivating emotion supporting them. The directions
accompanied by strong emotions tend to get absorbed, while those that do not are
often ignored. Many of our notions to change ourselves never “take” because they are
contra-ducted by other ideas. The subconscious controls our bodily functions. The

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subconscious not only runs the autonomic functions of the body, but also is actually the
intelligence that builds and regulates our cells and controls our immune system.

Images act as strong suggestions to the subconscious, which for many people are far
stronger than abstract words or concepts. Images, pictures, and symbols are a kind of
shorthand communication for the subconscious. Methods of Self-Suggestion As
mentioned, all of us engage in self-suggestion on a regular basis, though we rarely stop
to analyze it. For most people, the process is automatic and the results they get from it
may be mixed, often due to conflicting messages they inadvertently give themselves.

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 Defending Yourself Against Emotional Predators

While the core of the story may be true, yes, they did get a bad grade on a test, it is
going to have some extra things put in such as the teacher gave them a bad grade on
purpose. The reality is that the agent didn't study and that is why they got the bad

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grade in the first place. Psychological Research Psychological research is the branch
that will use deception the most because this is necessary to determine the results that
would actually happen.

The rationale behind doing this deception states that humans are very sensitive to the
way that they might appear to others, as well as to themselves, and the self-
consciousness that they feel may distort or interfere with the way the subject would
behave in normal circumstances outside of doing the research where they would not
feel scrutinized. The deception is meant to make the subjects feel more at ease so that
the agent is able to get more accurate results. For example, the agent might be
interested to find out what conditions might make a student cheat on a test.

If the agent asks the student outright, it is not very likely that the subjects would admit
to cheating and there would be no way for the agent to figure out who is telling the
truth and who is not. In this case, the agent would have to use distraction in order to
get an accurate idea of how often cheating occurs. The agent might instead say the
study is to find out how intuitive the subject is; the subject might even be told during
the process that they may have the opportunity to look at someone else's answers
before they give their own.

At the end of this research that involves deception, it is required that the agent tells the
subject what the true nature of the study is and why the deception was necessary.
Also, most agents will also provide a quick summary of the results that occurred
between all of the participants when the research is all done. Manifestations of
Manipulation Approaches to manipulation are ways of using of the above tools to affect
the actions of others.

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It can vary from manipulating a single person, to manipulating a group, to manipulating
an array of people within an organization in different ways. Once again, you're almost
certainly already doing this to an extent. Examine some of the following approaches
and consider how they might relate to your life already. The Carrot and the Stick This
classic, and well known, approach to manipulation is the basic idea that good behavior
is encouraged with a reward and bad behavior is discouraged with a punishment.

It's common in families, schools, businesses, and basically all societies. It's something
humans do instinctively. It might even be called justice. However, the carrot and the
stick may also form part of your efforts to proliferate your own world view or improve
your comfort. If a romantic partner cleans the bathroom and mows the lawn, you might
give them a kiss and be more inclined to cook dinner; if they spend all day watching TV
in their underwear, God protect them from your wrath.

At work, it's normal for a boss to incentivize workers with bonuses and, of course, there
is the ever-present threat of losing your job should you prove unsatisfactory. But what
about the carrot and the stick between peers? If a co-worker's actions somehow
enhance your work or make it easier, isn't it natural to mention that and attempt to
reinforce the behavior? What about if they create an extra problem for you, that you
feel could have been avoided? That's likely to affect your relationship. You might give
them the cold shoulder. So, it's something present in all relationships.

However, learning to manipulate people, you might find that your actions don't always
have the desired effect. If you thank Jeff, because his work helped you out, the next
time he's in a pinch, don't be surprised if he neglects to go the extra mile. Emotional
Manipulation This is not wholly distinct from the carrot and the stick but much of
manipulating people involves emotional intelligence. There are a variety of ways in

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which people emotionally manipulate others. All of these, in some sense, work with the
tools above to affect the actions of another. It might seem natural to conclude that the
goal of emotional manipulation is to provoke irrational behavior - however, that's rarely
the case.

Emotional manipulation is much more likely to distort the truth, to the extent that
someone's alters their path to achieve their goals, through a perceived change in
reality. Here is a breakdown of the mechanics: They are concerned about their loss of
reputation. If they develop a reputation as someone who cannot or will not help others
to achieve their goals, the result will be a loss of power. Solving the issue by making
amends is a way to salvage their reputation. You are persuading them of the severity of
their error.

As previously mentioned, failing deception, this requires you to either offer genuine new
information, such as a previously unknown negative impact of their error - perhaps a
financial cost to yourself or another - or have enough of their trust that they believe
your opinion of opinion of events to be valid, causing them to reassess their own.
Naturally, you can use deception to fabricate the above - inventing a detail that
changes their perspective. An example could be lying about an injury they caused to
someone else unintentionally, playing up its severity. While you will be found out
eventually, this might be an effective short-term tactic to provoke a confession.

There are many terms for many different types of emotional manipulation. It is not
necessary to memorize, or even learn, all of them. By understanding the mechanics of
emotional manipulation, you can easily analyze and understand them as they arise.
Here are a few examples: Intimidation - Provoking fear in a target, such that they may
alter their strategy for achieving their goals. In particular, intimidation that carries a

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threat of violence can encourage a target to change their course of action in ensuring
their own self-preservation (a fairly universal goal).

Acting to appease their intimidator is a way for the target to survive, and becomes their
future behavior. Seduction - Manipulating a target by presenting them with an object of
desire, and withholding it until the target performs an action. The object may be the
seducer or some other asset, like money. Scam emails from Nigerian princes work by
seducing the target with the prospect of easy money. Minimization - This is the effort to
reduce someone's perspective of an issue, or error you have caused. It may involve any
manipulation tools to reduce the magnitude of the issue.

It normally involves persuasion and deception, highlighting or fabricating facts to

demonstrate the lack of importance. It can also involve rationalization, which is
explaining the reasons for one's actions in an attempt to justify them. Blaming - Passing
the blame for an error onto someone else is a way to preserve your power, by
protecting your reputation, using either persuasion or deception. Note how easy it
becomes to break down familiar actions, like blaming, using these three tools. At this
point, you may also recognize that blaming is closely linked to intimidation. There is
damage or the threat of damage to someone's reputation, which can alter their actions
by making them feel responsible or concerned that others will hold them responsible.

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 Conclusion

Manipulation, deception, half-truths, mind control and persuasion are closely related to
each other and form part of all our daily lives, whether we know it or not. Each and
every day, the world around us sings its siren song of mass media deception and
political promises that are rarely kept. It soothes us with the wonders of products that
cause our toilet bowls to gleam and our hair, also. Row upon row of plastic bottles
beckon – all the ultimate solution to our split ends. It’s legal. It’s part of our lives and
who among us has the courage to stand up and yell “bullshit”? Not many.

On the other hand, manipulation is a psychological way of interacting with people that
examines motivations, desires, personality types, body language, postures and verbal
and physical tics, toward an assessment. Our assessments of others are then processed
into how this person’s presence in our life might impact us and our goals. Are they

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friend are foe? Help or hindrance? Seeing people for what they are and understanding
how we might work around their potential interference, or exploit their support is a life
skill.

It’s a life skill that can make the difference between sinking and swimming. We can
learn to see people coming we’d prefer never to arrive. We can also learn to spot
potential collaborators and partners. Don’t be ashamed of or reluctant to use the
methods provided in this book in order to help you make your life less of a crap shoot
and more of shot on an open goal. Everyone should have that facility. Every tool we
can use to become more aware of our interactions with others and how they might help
or hinder us, is a valuable tool and the ones provided here are exactly that.

You want to get to where you’re going and you want to do that in an ethical, but
intelligent way and that means knowing how to employ your powers of observation,
manipulation and persuasion toward arriving at your goals. The benefits of having
reached your end outweigh the criticisms that you might receive for having used means
that many people consider immoral or unconventional. This characterization of
manipulative tactics represents a popular misconception about the employment of
strategy towards a goal. Strategy has a bad name because people don’t know what it
is.

Strategy is seeing contingencies and identifying opportunities and acting on them in a

subtle and diplomatic manner in order to arrive at a goal. When the now deceased King
Hussein of Jordan wanted to enlist the support of Bedouin chieftains, he set them all up

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in palatial homes and gave them meaningless titles in the Jordanian government. They
were happy. They stopped waging war amongst themselves and they became the
King’s allies. None of these chieftains was really the Minister of the Glorious Hashemite
Kingdom he had been led to believe he was, but it didn’t matter.

King Hussein, by employing diplomatic manipulation, effectively (and deceptively)

neutralized a national security threat. He did the smart thing. He played them and he
won. If you’ve read this book all the way through, you will have absorbed a central
message that’s extremely important – these are not weapons of mass destruction
outlined here. These are tools. They are two different things. You’re not out to hurt
others. You’re out to help yourself. Getting inside people’s heads and convincing them
to help you on your way is not evil. It’s smart. Making a colleague out of an enemy is
not stupid. It’s brilliant.

I hope you’ve learned some valuable lessons about how to prevent people from
manipulating you or persuading you into doing things you really don’t want to do. Know
your enemy, then use the same tactics employed by those of ill intent in a different way
– this is another key takeaway. Learn to use these techniques effectively, ethically and
without harming anyone, while preventing these tactics from being used against you.
Not every lie that is spoken is bad. Not every deception that is presented is made with
ill intent.

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Not every mind game that is played is evil. We have come across Disney villains and
mega super minds manipulating their way through movies and stories, but these are
extreme caricatures of what is really the art of life and living and looking after your
position in it by being aware that things are not always as they seem. Remember, in
today’s world of deceit and lies, you need to be able to see things for what they are.
You need to see below the shallow veneer of the world; under the hood of the
machine.

No one cannot survive solely on the basis of honesty and hard work. While such
characteristics are noble and laudable, you also need to be aware of the world’s
undercurrents and subtexts and able to navigate them with skill. This is the compliment
to hard work – knowing how to read the world around you and the people in it. If life
were all sunshine and violets, it would be a boring world to live in. Imagine the
boredom of one long, perfect day, each and every day. No tension. No shadows. No
challenges. Life is a patchwork of good days and bad, good people and bad and wildly
varied fortunes.

Being equipped for the turbulence of life, you can just hang on for the ride, because
you have nothing to fear when you know what you’re looking for. When you see it, you
know what to do? You now have what you need to help you determine whether you’re
being manipulated. This gives you greater control of your life and its outcomes, as you’ll
no longer be subject to the machinations of people in this world who live for them.
You’ll see them coming. You can now stand up for yourself and have the ability to
prevent becoming a victim of the wolves of this world. You now have the information
you need to become a leader, a goal setter and a delegator.

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