A Beaver’s Tale

This book is dedicated to all beavers.

There once lived a furry beaver who had a hard time accepting himself. He also had a
hard time accepting love. His name was Beaver. Unlike others of his kind, Beaver didn't
live in lodges, chew trees, or build dams.

Beaver ran away from himself and his emotions in search of answers to his questions:
"I feel like I'm not enough. Am I?
How can I find love?
Who is going to love a furry, wet beaver?
Why do I have to be a beaver anyway?
What is the point of chewing trees?
I want a more important job.
Maybe then I will be loved."

Beaver wanted a change.

One day Beaver went on a special quest: to find unconditional love and acceptance. And
maybe, his true self.

Determined, Beaver walked into the forest and, in a loud voice, asked:
"Where is love? How can I be loved?"
The wind carried his questions. Yet no answers came.

Forest animals were too busy to notice Beaver. Each one was doing something that
seemed important to them. Squirrels were gathering as many nuts as possible. Ants
were busy carrying their loads. Birds rarely stayed long enough to listen to a whole
conversation. Many want to talk; few like to listen.

Some ladybugs stopped to enjoy the sunshine warming their exterior shell.
One even landed on Beaver's nose.
"How simple is the life of a ladybug," he mused.

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Beaver sat on his tail and wondered, "How many trees does a beaver need to chew to feel
worthy of receiving love?"

Baby Beaver did not receive unconditional love and acceptance from his parents, who
were ill and emotionally absent. They did not meet his primary needs of nurturing,
protection, validation, and affection. They never held him or helped him feel secure. Yet,
his parents expected Little Beaver to meet their needs. He tried in vain. The task was
bigger than him. It was not his job to parent his parents. Being constantly forced to
accomplish tasks that were not age-appropriate led Beaver to believe that he was not
good enough. Beaver's parents also taught him to be responsible for others and take care
of them. He kept hoping that one day, they would also take care of him. Sadly, that never
happened, although, at times, they did try.

Beaver did everything except that which he was created for:

Be a beaver.
Chew trees.
Be himself.
Stop trying.

Beaver's legs were stiff from sitting around rather than swimming and building dams.
His teeth were growing bigger and bigger because he was not using them to chew trees.
He was beginning to wonder if he was looking for love in the wrong places, but he knew
no better, so he persisted.

"If I am successful, hard-working, and agree to do everything others ask of me, I will
deserve love," reasoned Beaver.
"I want to help and mend others so they can love me," he continued.
Beaver was taught to please, placate, and fix others. To be responsible for them instead
of himself.

Springing into action, Beaver decided to become mayor in his patch of the forest.
He looked around the area, determined to change things and prove to others that he
could help them.

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Beaver began his campaign.
"I will be in charge!
I will bring change!"
Beaver didn't really want to be in charge. He simply wanted to be loved. And deep down,
he believed that to receive love, he needed to fix and codependently rescue others.
"Where do I start?"

A colony of ants marched by. Beaver stuck out his leg and stopped their flow.
Some ants dropped the load they were carrying. Others bumped into each other.
"Who is interfering in our busy lives?" they questioned.

"I am Beaver. I want to be your mayor. If you vote for me, I can improve your life,"
stated Beaver.

"Why do you want to be in charge?"

Why aren't you chewing trees like other beavers?" asked the leader of the ant colony.

"It's not that I want to be in charge; I just want to be loved and accepted
unconditionally. I thought that if I were in charge and fixed your life, you would surely
love me."

"Do you know anything about ants?" asked the colony leader.
"No, nothing at all," confessed Beaver.
"So, how can you help us?"
"I cannot," sighed Beaver. But that realization didn't make him any less determined to
be loved.

He stepped out of the ant colony's way and began searching for others he could fix. This
time Beaver stopped under a tree full of noisy ravens.

The mischievous ravens were too busy chatting to notice Beaver. Or maybe they
pretended not to see him. Very wise birds indeed. They know that a beaver must find his
own way. Before Beaver opened his mouth to speak, the ravens flew away.

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"Why don't they want me? Why don't they love me?" wondered Beaver sadly as he kept
walking. No one had ever taught Beaver how to look for the answers within, but looking
outside of himself was becoming a fruitless quest.

"Surely someone wants me to improve their life, and then perhaps they can love me in
return," Beaver pondered.

A skinny fox with a bushy tail showed up out of nowhere. She glanced at Beaver, then
leaped away in a zig-zagged fashion, almost taunting him.
Intrigued, Beaver ran after her.
"Do you need someone to take care of you, help you, and make your life better?"

Before Beaver could even finish all his questions, the fox stopped and answered eagerly,
"Oh yes, I need someone to help me. Yes, yes, of course."
She had been waiting for an eager beaver who wanted to please her. Today was her lucky
day.

Beaver was thrilled. Finally, someone appreciated him, needed him, and wanted his
help. To Beaver, those were the ingredients required to receive love.

The fox wasted no time putting Beaver to work.

"I need you to fix my den – go, grab some leaves from the forest. Afterward, you must
catch my dinner. Oh, and I want you to carry my burdens," she demanded.
"Then, I need you to carry a message to other foxes," she added, snickering.

"What message is that?" asked Beaver, somewhat worried. He wondered if foxes eat
beavers. The fox spoke quickly so as not to leave Beaver much time to discern.
"Tell them I found someone to take care of me, so I don't have to be responsible for
myself. I can lie in the sun while someone else carries my burdens, does my work, and
assumes responsibility for me."

Beaver listened attentively, then asked: "Will you love me if I take care of you and fulfill
your requests?"
"Sure," assured the fox.

Beaver assumed the job of codependently taking care of the fox, believing he was 'caring
for her.' Not only did the fox have Beaver take care of all her tasks and responsibilities,
she loaded him with her guilt, shame, and unmet needs. She expected him to fill her

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void and be responsible for her. Beaver received only limited conditional love in return.
He felt like he was her slave and a doormat. It was a tiring job, and Beaver felt no joy.

Exasperated, Beaver exclaimed, "I don't want to be in charge of your life anymore. Or
anyone else's, for that matter!"
He gave the fox back all her emotions, baggage, and all responsibility for herself. He felt
so much lighter.

The fox wasn't happy. Like others, she was running away from her emotions and her
true self, always trying to get someone else to carry her load. Before Beaver, she had
tried to trick others into being responsible for her.

"Why do you want someone else to be responsible for you? Why won't you assume that
job?" wondered Beaver.
The fox considered Beaver's question while pondering her paws. Nobody had asked her
that before. Beaver waited patiently.
The fox wanted to know the truth; she was ready, so she lay down with her tail wrapped
around her body and nose and waited for the answer to come. Some memories
resurfaced.
"As a baby fox, I was abandoned by my parents. They were not responsible for me. I had
no one to teach me how to be responsible for myself."
The fox began to mature when she accepted the truth of her sad childhood with its sad
memories.

Fox realized it was time to let go of the victim within. To move on from the past hurt, fox
needed to become a child again. Beaver needed to do the same. Becoming a child again
would allow them both to let go of their unhealthy behaviors, be it the need to control or
be controlled.

The fox said, "Forgive me for taking advantage of your need to feel loved. I allowed you
to help me so that you could feel useful, to my advantage, not yours. That was wrong."
The fox reached out her paw toward Beaver. Beaver was skeptical. Are foxes honest? He
took her paw anyway. It felt safe.
"I ask your forgiveness for taking advantage of you as a victim. For trying to buy love by
managing your life and using your needs to bargain for love," admitted Beaver.
"I forgive you," said the fox.

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"I forgive you too," chimed Beaver, meaning it.
Fox realized she was ready to grow up and be responsible for herself. Mature yet
childlike. She began feeling accountable for herself, her own emotions, choices, desires,
dreams, behavior, words she spoke, and her intentions. Finally, the fox gave back to
others the responsibility for themselves and their actions, emotions, behavior, and
choice of words. She was free to take care of herself now.
Her willingness to change was key to this transformation. And when she lacked it, she
asked for divine help.

The fox and Beaver held hands and made amends. Asking for forgiveness seemed as
hard as granting it. Yet they practiced this skill together.

"Asking to be forgiven does not always mean I was wrong and you were right. It means
that I don't want anything I did or said to become a barrier between our shared love in
friendship," offered Beaver.

"I forgive you," said the fox.

"I forgive you too," chimed Beaver, meaning it.

The fox let go of Beaver's hand. She was no longer his safety and way out. Beaver would
need to hold onto someone else, let himself be held, or, better still, learn to find
everything he needed within himself.

The fox loped away happily as she waved goodbye. Her journey led her down a different
path.

Beaver was alone in a clearing of the forest. Back to where he started. The sun was
shining. Rays of golden light were pouring down. Yet he was cold as if the sun could not
warm him.

Looking down dejectedly, Beaver realized that he had piled invisible armor around
himself, preventing him from receiving love.

Beaver wanted love and all the good things that came with it: light, joy, compassion,
warmth, care, kindness, nurturing, and forgiveness. Beaver reached his paws up to the

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sky and asked Creator to gently replace his armor with love. As the hardness around his
heart melted, Beaver felt unconditional love, like a ray of light shining in a dark cave.

Vulnerability felt freeing.

Beaver instinctively reconnected with his heart. Silence and peace.

Gradually, without forcing, he allowed the truth to resurface.

"I have always been loved. Unconditionally. I don't need to earn love. "

A gentle voice reassured Beaver, "You are enough. You are worthy of love. Turn to me,
and I will shower you with unconditional love. I love you, just as you are. My love is free.
I created you to crave my love, and only I can fulfill that desire. I will always love you
with the same eternal love because I am love. I created you from love, for love."

"Then what must I do if I am not going to work for love?" wondered Beaver.
"Love and allow yourself to be loved," was the answer.

Beaver found what he was searching for. As he accepted love, he also accepted himself
more and more. He was free. Finally, he felt wanted, loved, and cherished. It felt good
for Beaver to be himself. He started chewing trees. Not because he had to, but because
he wanted to. The desire came naturally. Beaver was finally being a beaver. It was
enough. He was enough.

The end

(leave space for these questions to be answered)

Questions :

1. Do you accept yourself unconditionally?

Draw, doodle, write about this topic below:

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 2. Which parts of yourself are harder to accept and why? Observe the feelings
around these topics. Write and draw about these feelings, beliefs, learned
behaviors, coping mechanisms.

3. Do you find yourself avoiding or running away from your feelings? How? What
would you do to run away?
4. What have you learned about your feelings and those of others? Are feelings safe?