Personal Autobiography by Amanda Wilson

I have lived in Cumberland, Maryland my entire life. Living here has been enjoyable
getting to enjoy the small-town life as well as being so close to major cities and airports to fly me
around the world. Despite being so close to Dulles International Airport and Pittsburgh
International Airport I have never been on a plane in my 24 years. I grew up an only child with a
married mother and father as well as two grandmothers most of my life and one grandfather the
first two years. My parents liked to call me their miracle baby because of the main fact that they
had so many issues conceiving. They were even in the process of adopting when they found out
they were pregnant with me.
My almost brother K was thirteen years old at the time, he was an older foster child and
my parents adored him. The only reason they did not adopt him is because when they found out
about my existence their doctors told them they should reconsider adoption for K’s sake. They
were worried my mom would die during childbirth, or some other serious thing would happen
which would render K with only one parent and not the two anymore. I have spent my entire life
thinking about K and wondering if he ever thinks about me or resents me in any way. I know I
would. K ended up aging out of Foster Care and had a hard life. From what I have been told he
has gone to jail and has a child or two of his own. I do not know much more than that about him,
but I would love to meet him one day.
Growing up I got to spend a lot of time with my parents as an only child, but I was
blessed with my parents’ schedule. My mom became disabled when I turned two, and my dad is
a Professional Firefighter. Mom being disabled was not a bad thing, it was a great thing. My
parents' friends told me when I got older, they were always jealous of my mom because she was
able to stay home and take me to all my dance classes, be an AWANA’s teacher, Girl Scouts
leader and so much more because of that free time she had. Her disability did not affect her as
much in day-to-day things; it was more physical in the sense that she could not go to theme parks
and walk around or do strenuous activities. My dad being a Professional Firefighter works a 24
hour shift then has 48 off so he worked every third day and he got to sleep at work, so he never
had to come home and sleep the next day.
Growing up I had many ideas of what I wanted to be, a doctor, firefighter, surgeon, or
teacher. The one thing that all of these jobs had in common was that I wanted to help people.
When I graduated high school in 2015, I had planned to become a Physical Therapist or PTA
whichever I had decided once I started college. I learned very quickly in my first semester that
college was nothing like high school and also that I am not great at science or memorizing things
like bones in the body. So, I ended up nearly failing all of my classes that fall and then did not
return in the Spring. When I did eventually return in 2016, I started taking some more classes
looking into going towards becoming a teacher. I had originally thought I wanted to be a teacher,
but I learned early during my internships and observations that I had preferred working one on
one with the children and having my own person so to say.
 So, I had decided that once I graduated from Allegany College with my Associates I
would become a paraprofessional. I did not know where I would work but the one thing I knew
for sure was that. Then I graduated with my Associates in Elementary Education and Secondary
Education with a specialization in Psychology. I got a job working at the Allegany County
HRDC working in their Head Start Program, as a part of my job I was required to have a degree
and while working there obtain my CDL. The reason I ended up leaving was more of an issue of
the way things worked, I liked the positivity-based learning and family style meals. But I did not
like the no discipline ways whereas Teachers and Teacher Associates we were being abused,
mostly physically, by the children and nothing was being done. Working there made me think I
did not want to work in that area at all anymore, so I took a break and worked as a receptionist
for a while. Now I am working for the Salvation Army as a Program Aide in their summer camp
and I love it again. I missed working with kids and hearing their little stories and helping them
with their daily issues. I would love to find a job area where I can work with kids and help them
with their daily activities like being a behavior specialist in the school system or just working
with troubled kids in any way.
This past August I went through what I would consider the most embarrassing thing that
has ever happened to me. If you ask my therapist, he will call it traumatic but I don’t see it as
trauma only a way for me to grow and realize what I want in life. Long story short my Fiancé
broke up with me and his family and some friends spent a week saying nasty things about me on
Facebook. One thing has stuck with me this entire time. I can still see it in my head. One of his
family friends said “I’m so glad you decided teaching wasn’t for you. I would rather have a dog
teach my child than you.” That hurt among the many other things but the reason it hurt the most
is because my almost husband did nothing to stick up for me but to tell me there was nothing he
could do to make them stop. I ended up moving out of our apartment one year to the day that we
were supposed to be married. This August 21, 2021 is going to be hard for me but I know that I
am in a better place now than I was then. I am happier now and there is so much less stress in my
life than I had ever realized before that all happened.
Thankfully I had just started to go to therapy right before this all happened. The funny
thing is the last time I saw my therapist right before it happened, I remember telling him how
much I loved my fiancé, and what I liked the most about him. The very next time I went in he
knew what happened because I had to cancel an appointment, they asked me why and I said,
“just tell Conrad my fiancé left me, and he will understand.” My therapist helped me realize that
I have more to life than being married and there are more things to life than that. He helped me
decide to go back to college, tried talking me into dating and just helped me feel a sense of
normalcy of moving back in with my parents. I never felt suicidal, but I remember feeling very
calmed by his presence, and he always made sure to ask if I was. I like to ask him about his job
sometimes and he tells me that the most special thing about his job is that people he has never
met before coming in and tell him things they have never told anyone else. He is a safe space for
me, and I know many others.
 I went to the dentist a few weeks ago to get my teeth cleaned and my hygienist told me I
had a very calming presence. We ended up talking about so many things like mental health
stigmas and we ended with her telling me about the time she wanted to die. She did not want to
kill herself, she made it clear that she did not want to be alive anymore. She told me about her
experience at the hospital and her experience at a rehab facility and I finally understood what
Conrad meant. Somehow this person I had never met before in my life told me her deepest
trauma and it felt amazing to hear it coming from her.
Now I am living with my parents like I have for most of my life with my Leopard Gecko
son Leonard. During the summer I enjoy tending to our garden, going swimming and playing
outside with my neighborhood children. Being able to hang out with the children in my life has
been such a joy and it is something I really missed while I was gone. Sometimes I will be woken
up by a four-year-old at the side of my bed yelling “wake up mana” or I will get a phone call
from them and it always starts my morning off right. During the wintertime we enjoy sledding
and playing in the snow together.