Hope 1

Jesse A. Hope

Ms. Kennedy

English Comp 1113

Date This Paper is Due – 02 October 2022

Till the end of time

“I, ______, take you, ______, to be my loved one, to have and to hold from this day

forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to

cherish, until death do us part”. These are words most of us are familiar with. Whether you’ve

been married yourself, or perhaps you’ve heard them at the wedding of a loved one. In this essay,

I’m going to write about marriage. I’m going to discuss the marriages of my parents and my

grandparents. I’m also going to write about some of my own experiences in romantic

relationships. I’m then going to discuss how these experiences helped shape my personal views

regarding marriage. I will then at the end answer these two questions; am I married, or have I

been married, and, whether I look forward to marriage or if I intend to avoid marriage. Let’s get

started by talking a little about my parent's marriage.

My parents met in their twenties, after mom graduated from Oklahoma State University

and moved back home to Heavener Oklahoma. They would be married soon after. In 1993, they

had me, their firstborn. My parents divorced in the early 2000s. I have very few memories from

before the divorce, most of them are of my parents arguing. Then I have the very distinct

memory of when my mother decided to divorce my father. She had just picked my sister and me

up from after-school programs and we were arriving home. I remember my mother pulling into

the driveway and throwing the gear selector of the truck into park saying “that’s it! We’re getting

divorced! He knew I wanted to go to Walmart without the kids after work and he isn’t here!”
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Now obviously she wasn’t talking to me. I’m sure she probably didn’t even think I was listening.

But I was, and it stuck with me. A few months later they had divorced, and dad had moved out.

We only saw him every other weekend or spent a few months with him during the summer from

then on out. Now, there were obviously other things at play that I would not have been privy to,

this was just the cherry on top for my mother. Next, I will discuss my grandparents, from both

sides of the family.

My mother’s parents, MeeMee and Papa John, had been divorced for as long as I can

remember. MeeMee is from Illinois and Papa John was from Heavener Oklahoma. I’m not sure

how they met but I think Papa John being in the air force had something to do with it. They

married and had three children together and adopted one other. Thinking back, I cannot think of

a single time I saw MeeMee, and Papa John interact with each other, not even once. But when

Papa John died in 2010, I do very vividly remember sitting next to MeeMee in the third row at

his funeral. She still went, even though they had been divorced for more than a decade, even

though Papa John had remarried to a horrendous woman who, along with her grown children,

made the entire funeral process a nightmare for several of my family members, she still went.

Next, I will tell you a little about my father’s parents and their marriage.

Granny Shirley and Papa Delbert married at a very young age, had three children

together, one of which, a baby girl, died during infancy, and adopted one other child. Granny

Shirley and Papa Delbert never divorced. I remember spending a lot of time with Granny Shirley

and Papa Delbert in the early days. I never saw them argue, granny was a pro at picking her

battles. They were as sweet as could be with each other. Granny Shirley unfortunately passed in

2014. It was hard on everyone, but it was hardest on Papa Delbert. I remember, at the funeral,

you could see the devastation on his face, his entire world had just vanished, and he was so lost. I
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honestly did not think he would live much longer. Papa Delbert is still very much alive, and he is

doing better than ever. Although, I can’t help but wonder just how he does it. Now we will get

into some of my personal experiences with romantic relationships.

My first serious relationship, I was a senior in high school and I met a girl that fascinated

me. We very quickly fell in love and hit it off. We even went as far as to get engaged, much to

the disapproval of her parents. Things moved very fast and got serious, quick! She had gotten

pregnant and had a miscarriage. We were so young, and we just couldn’t handle something of

that magnitude. We started arguing all the time and I started feeling unhappy and trapped. Our

breakup was not a pretty one, hard feelings developed, and we stopped talking. A couple of years

ago we talked, and all hard feelings are now gone. I will always hold a special place in my heart

for that person and for my child that never made it into this world, a child that would’ve been ten

this year. Moving on to another significant relationship of mine.

My second and most impactful romantic relationship started in 2015, after my cousin

introduced me to a guy named Daniel. We fell madly in love and started a life together. After a

few months, he started throwing around the idea of getting engaged. I was apprehensive about

the entire relationship from the beginning, so I just deflected the suggestion. A little after our

one-year mark he began to become more persistent, saying that he would leave me if I didn’t

propose to him. I once again deflected, and our relationship quickly became very toxic. We

argued daily. He was an alcoholic, a manipulator, and mentally abusive. He alienated me from

all my friends. I began to feel unhappy and trapped, but I feared what might happen if I tried to

leave. We were together for a total of four and a half years before I finally had enough. By this

time, I had bought a house so I couldn’t just leave, I had to kick him out. On December 3rd, 2019,

after an argument and brief altercation, I told him to pack his things and go. It was a very long
 Hope 4

and drawn-out break-up, very toxic, and felt like it would never end. Next, I will discuss my

third most serious relationship.

After breaking up with Daniel I had decided that I was going to stay single for a few

years. But when I moved to Stillwater in April of 2020, I met Jacob and, once again, fell quickly

in love. I had never felt love from another person like I did from Jacob, it was truly hypnotizing.

We had an absolute blast for a while and then things started to get rocky. After a little over a

year, we broke up. Our breakup was not easy for me. I say this was a serious relationship

because Jacob is now my best friend. While we are not together anymore as a couple, our

relationship is growing every day. Now I will try to explain how all these experiences helped

shaped my views on marriage.

Over the past several years my desire to get married has diminished quite a bit. What I

learned from my parents and grandparents is that nothing last forever, people change, and your

entire life can turn upside-down in an instant. What I learned from my personal relationships is

that I fall in love way too fast, and I ignore red flags while doing it. I don’t want to go through a

divorce. I don’t want to put any children through a divorce. I don’t want to sacrifice any dreams

or ambitions. I especially don’t want to experience the pain that comes with losing a spouse.

Maybe I’m just selfish. Maybe these experiences have nothing to do with my views, or maybe

they have everything to do with them. Alright let’s wrap it up, conclusion is next.

I’ve told you about the marriages of my parents, grandparents, and told you a little about

my own experiences. I also explained the best I can how these affected my views on marriage.

No, I am not married, and I have never been married. Now, do I intend to get married, or avoid it

all together? Honestly, I can’t answer that with certainty. Which, to me is a good thing because

that means I haven’t totally given up!