“TRANSIT”

By Shawn Johnson

This book is one of the books I read about conversion. It providentially came to me
while suffering from an illness during the past months. It is one of the books I read as
part of my therapy and I cannot forget how this book helped me in terms of fighting and
hoping for a new beginning.
Several years ago, Shawn Johnson was a suicidal drug abuser working in Hollywood.
He wondered if God could ever be a part of his broken life. To his surprise, finding God
was not that difficult. But, growing closer to Him was another story. Three weeks after
giving his life to God, he relapsed, and almost over-dosed. He wanted to be closer to
God, but he just had no idea how to get there. As a result, his faith eventually
floundered. He didn't know what steps he should be taking to move closer to God.
Embracing spiritual disciplines such as prayer, Bible study, healthy relationships,
sharing his testimony, serving, and giving was a foreign concept to Shawn; and
therefore, out of reach. Shawn's hope is that Transit can keep people from losing faith in
God today, the way he did then.
Today, Shawn is the lead pastor of Red Rocks Church in Golden, Colorado, one of the
fastest growing churches in the country according to Leadership Network. At Red
Rocks, he regularly encounters people who, like him, have had mountaintop
experiences with God, but then crashed and burned because they had no idea how to
move closer to Him. Time and time again, he has seen that his post-conversion
experience is not an anomaly. Shawn remembers what it was like to feel dazed and
confused after a dramatic life transformation. He also knows how easy it is for long-time
believers to fall into spiritual ruts where complacency, disillusionment, and frustration
are the norm.
In Transit, Shawn shares his personal journey in growing closer to God, uncovering
disciplines that were critical to that journey, and invites each of us to ignite (or re-ignite)
an authentic relationship with God, one that actually changes our lives today.
 REFLECTION

Can any of us afford to buy his own life and live forever? Can’t we just live happy and
never the opposite? How I wish I could have such privilege.
Sometimes I think of the world as a bad one. I even thought of my life as unfortunate as
it is. Of all the things in the world I am so unlucky to have lived most of my life in
suffering and pain. Do really things like this should happen? Are they really necessary?
By the very fact that I am phlegmatic, I am seeing myself being abused. I could see
myself being bent down by the heavy loads and burdens I carry at my back. Until one
day, I was not able bear and started to weaken and collapse. I ended up inside an
emergency room. I acquired a severe gastritis which I consider as a traumatic
experience.
Our hopes and inspirations are few of the many things that pushes me up, making me
able to carry the loads I have and making me stand straight with confidence despite of
the negativities of the world. But then, during those difficult times inspirations falter, and
so hope lost its vision.
“My heart beats fast. There is a deep, heavy breathing for I cannot breathe properly. I
feel pain in the head, in the stomach, in my left arm, in my chest. It is as if it is in my
whole body. My body is really weak. I cannot sleep” These are the things that regulates
me day after day. There is not a single day that I was not crying. Not even a day that I
was inspired. I came to the point of giving up this vocation. Everything seems to be dark
for me. I was really expecting to die any time of the day. I was so hopeless and I never
thought of recovering. I thought I really needed to die just to end the pain. I thought of
this as the only way to be at peace. From there I started freak out. “I am not ready to
die! I am scared of death!” these are the words I could clearly remember every time the
panic attacks.
I can hear voices blaming me of the things which I am not guilty of. A voice tells me I
neglected my sick uncle who passed away almost 2 years now. A voice tells me I never
put attention to my cousin who committed suicide. I started also to dream of them. I
thought they are the signs I am dying. All the more I freak out and to the extent of
having anxiety. I don’t want to dream about them anymore. Thus, I sleep in fear every
night. I don’t want nights, can’t we just have daytime?
I thought I was all alone in this struggle. I feel that no one cares about me or in my
condition. I feel that I am so different from my community and they will never understand
me. Then, it gives me fear. I don’t want to be alone. I want companions. It is as if I
cannot live without someone accompanying me.
In the midst of those despair and unending confusion, God seem to be silent. But it is
never true! He speaks to us silently. He is that voice that keeps on reminding me “do not
be afraid”, “I care for you”, “you are loved”, “trust in me”… without our knowledge God
sends help. I am so lucky to have my community. I am so lucky to have companions
who understand and accept me. I have people who are concerned and prayed for me. I
am so lucky to sleep in fear but still able to wake up. I am so lucky that even I feel weak,
I still have the strength to carry on my tasks. I am lucky to be blessed by God’s
undeserving graces. This is how God works.
Change is never too late. If we always listen and become faithful to the calling of God,
then for sure, we will never be lost on our way. However, listening and becoming faithful
to God’s call are made possible by prayer. Prayer indeed is powerful that even what we
think are impossible are made possible.