November 11, 2023

Hang Up and Hang Out –

Disconnecting from Technology and Connecting with Loved Ones

I have a riddle for you –

You hold me in your hands, carry me with you, from birth till death. What am I?

What came to mind? A best friend? A book? Your first love? Your favorite pet? If you play a

sport, maybe a football or a tennis racket? Maybe your wallet?

Did you think of a smartphone?

There’s a girl I know – we’ll call her ‘Megan’ - she’s 20 years old. Megan is married to

‘Jacob’. He has a similar daily routine to Megan’s; they wake up, go to classes or work, come

home for the night, go to bed, repeat. They both use their smartphones to text and call people,

and they look at social media throughout the day.

Every day, Megan wakes up to the “Radar” alarm sound on her smartphone – because

anything is better than “By the Seaside” right? Jacob scrolls through Instagram and checks his

text messages. In the morning, they go their separate ways to work. They both spend time on

their devices while they’re apart from each other, and when they’re together they are on their

phones too. Megan even loves to do the “Wordle” on her phone every day. She has a 40 day

streak currently. At night, they get in bed and scroll through their social media.
Now, the purpose here isn’t to bash on obnoxious alarm ringtones and Wordle streaks – the point

is that device usage has become so normal in our everyday lives (without intentional limits) and

it can seriously hurt our relationships with the people we love.

Pew Research Center studied romantic relationships and technology use since it became

such a normal part of people’s lives, and the associated effects that it has. The study shows that

“51% of participants in the study said their partner is often or sometimes distracted by their

cellphone while they are trying to have a conversation with them. 40% of those participants also

said they are at least sometimes bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their

mobile device”.

Think of how different Megan and Jacob’s relationship would be without technology

ruling their lives – even if they were to limit their screen time to 1-2 hours a day, how much of a

difference do you think that would make? In an article by Dr. Margaret E. Morris, she says, “As

we all know from personal experience, the effects of technology depend not only on what apps

we use or for how long, but also on our motivations”. Let’s keep this in mind as we look at how

technology affects relationships with loved ones and why we need to make a change.

(Enhancing Relationships Through Technology)

Technology negatively affects our relationships in how we handle conflict with each

other, express our love, and how we communicate with each other in general. “[Technology] can

hurt or help a relationship. Location sharing, for example, can be used to coordinate plans or to

surveil someone. Similarly, changing someone else’s environment through their smart speakers

or smart lights could feel like a hug or a frightening invasion. To have a positive role in a

relationship, technologies need to be used with sensitivity and awareness about how they might

affect another person” (Morris). How we use technology is what makes or breaks it.
 What we spend most of our time doing reflects what we value the most. We need to

decide what we value the most and how we are going to prove it. Our actions will reflect what

we value. If we value our loved ones - family, friends, and peers – let’s hang up our devices and

hang out with them. Let’s spend our time valuing the people we love and disconnect from the

devices that pull us away and cause a separation from the people we love.

Megan and Jacob are changing how they spend their time around each other. They both

made the conscious choice to make a change to better their relationship and limit their screen

time. Are you willing to do the same and be more present? Are you willing to turn off and set

aside your device and focus on what really matters?

What will you do to make a change in your life? How will you hang up and hang out?
 References

Morris M. E. (2020). Enhancing relationships through technology: directions in parenting,

caregiving, romantic partnerships, and clinical practice. Dialogues in clinical neuroscience,

22(2), 151–160. https://doi.org/10.31887/DCNS.2020.22.2/mmorris

Vogels, E. A. (2020b, May 8). Dating and relationships in the Digital age. Pew Research

Center: Internet, Science & Tech.

https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/05/08/dating-and-relationships-in-the-digital-

age/