PEvAU Practice 1. 2.

º Bachillerato A / D
Writing Practice. José Antonio Ruiz Fernández

PILAR TORRES-PARDO LÓPEZ (2.º BACHILLERATO A)

Original version + minor improvements.

MARKETING ON TEENAGERS
It is often said that teenagers are the most impressionable age group, since they are shaping their
personality, but does this really have an effect on the impact that marketing causes on them?
First and foremost, teenagers are constantly exposed to the media. Therefore, they are aware of
the general opinion on products and adopt their own thoughts to be able to fit into today’s society.
Nevertheless, this exposure to technology has also taught them how to recognize different
marketing strategies in many different fields. Additionally, to form their own opinion, they usually
search for different reviews of the same product.
In summary, even though teenagers seek social approval, they can decide by themselves whose
opinion they agree with.

Comentario sobre la prueba escrita:

 Estructura inicial de valor gramatical (passive construction).
 Resaltado en azul, riqueza y variedad en cuanto al uso de diferentes conectores.
o Since (conj.) en el sentido de “dado que”
 Uso de una pregunta retórica en la introducción.
 Resaltado en vede, palabras que demuestran conocimiento de la lengua por parte de la
estudiante (shaping / exposure / fit in(to) / aware of / approval).
 Texto correctamente estructurado en cuatro párrafos con distintos conectores.
 Se podría aportar algún argumento más al texto propuesto, pero la calidad general hace
este aspecto no se manifieste relevante para con el resultado final.
 Coherencia en los tiempos verbales y uso correcto de infinitivos y gerundios.
 No existen errores de concordancia entre sujeto y predicado (“s” de tercera persona
singular en presente simple o verbos auxiliares empleados de manera incorrecta [didn’t
dediced]).
 Dado que el carácter de la prueba se considera formal, la alumna evita el uso
contracciones (It is often said en lugar de it’s often said).
PEvAU Practice 1. 2.º Bachillerato A / D
Writing Practice. José Antonio Ruiz Fernández

VICENTE GÓMEZ-ALVADO ABDERRAMAN (2.º BACHILLERATO A)

Original version + some improvements

DOES THE MARKETING OF PRODUCTS CAUSE A BIG IMPACT ON TEENAGERS?

Most teenagers share the view that having the latest trends is necessary to stay up-to-date. That
means owning the newest iPhone, purchasing the most expensive laptop on the market or
accumulating as many shoes as socks they could have. This mindset is the result of an excessive
and aggressive marketing and it also produces so many side effects.
To begin with, the marketing industry intensifies the supply of the latest products. Therefore, the
prices of the newest products are so much higher than the old-fashioned ones, because if
teenagers want them, the demand will increase and because of that, prices are going to increase
too.
In this sense, many teenagers who want be updated may feel frustrated, because not having all
these products makes them not look wealthy.
In spite of that, the world of marketing is improving and attracting more and more young people,
who, in extreme cases, prefer not to eat rather than not being update.
And that is a very big problem for the society, because if all the teenagers finally want to follow the
latest trends, the prices will rise more and more and it would be impossible to acquire them, which
inevitably causes unhappiness and frustration.

Comentario sobre la prueba escrita:

 La extensión del texto puede resultar excesiva, pero ofrece distintos puntos de vista de las
consecuencias de las prácticas agresivas del marketing.
 Resaltado en azul, riqueza y variedad en cuanto al uso de diferentes conectores.
 Resaltado en vede, palabras que demuestran conocimiento de la lengua por parte del
estudiante (share the view / up-to-date / purchase / mindset / supply / wealthy / acquire).
 Texto correctamente estructurado en cinco párrafos [se podría reducir a cuatro] con
distintos conectores.
 Coherencia en los tiempos verbales y uso correcto de infinitivos y gerundios (resaltado en
gris).
 No existen errores de concordancia entre sujeto y predicado (“s” de tercera persona en
presente simple o verbos auxiliares empleados de manera incorrecta [didn’t dediced]).
 Dado que el carácter de la prueba se considera formal, el alumno no emplea contracciones
(And that is a very big problem en lugar de And that’s a very big problem).
PEvAU Practice 1. 2.º Bachillerato A / D
Writing Practice. José Antonio Ruiz Fernández

CLARA SÁNCHEZ BUENO (2.º BACHILLERATO D)

Original version + some improvements

MARKETING IMPACT ON TEENAGERS

It is a big digitalized world we live in. Nowadays, every piece of social media we consume is heavily
influenced by marketing. The focus of this reflection is “does marketing have something to do with
teenagers? How does it affect them?”
Firstly, there are many reasonable arguments that validate this impact on teenagers. Naturally,
boys and girls in their teen years are way more impressionable and easy to be persuaded. This
fact owes to their lack of maturity and their unformed personal judgment.
Regarding this matter, there are many other considerations that must be taken in account; such as
the immediately flow of constant comments that reflects the rejection of most teenagers about
products that are not “the newest”.
To sum up, all these reasons can justify the final fact of this conclusion: all teenagers are someway
abducted by social media advertisements, which could lead to the development of economic
problems for these future adults.

Comentario sobre la prueba escrita:

 En amarillo, uso de una pregunta retórica en la introducción. No es obligatorio utilizarlas,
pero es una forma de enriquecer el texto con una estructura gramatical distinta a las
oraciones enunciativas. Considero que, en este caso, la alumna debería haber combinado
ambas preguntas.
 Resaltado en azul, riqueza y variedad en cuanto al uso de diferentes conectores.
o Regarding this matter (A este respecto / sobre esta cuestión / sobre este asunto).
 Resaltado en vede, palabras que demuestran conocimiento de la lengua por parte de la
estudiante (heavily / lead / owes to / persuaded / judgment).
 Texto correctamente estructurado en cuatro párrafos con distintos conectores.
 La conclusión podría mejorarse. Debéis tener cuidado con realizar afirmaciones tan
categóricas (“ALL teenagers are someway abducted by social media advertisements).