Examining Essays of Descriptive Narration 77

Topic: last-minute shopping for a present

I. ______________ (a certain department in a mall store)
A. Other shoppers
1. ______________ (appearance)
2. ______________ (behavior)
B. Condition and arrangement of merchandise (describe
with appropriate details of imagery: sight, sound,
taste, smell, and touch)
1. ______________
2. ______________
3. ______________
II. Can’t find a particular item
A. Search and search
B. Start getting frustrated
C. Meet an old friend (perhaps the person you are shop-
ping for)
1. ______________ (description of friend)
2. ______________ (more description, perhaps adding
person in action)
III. ______________ (whatever the friend does to help)
A. ______________
B. ______________
IV. ______________ (what you purchase or what you decide
to do)

✺ Examining Essays of Descriptive Narration

Student Writer
My First Real Fire
Tyson M. Burns
Like many students at community colleges, Tyson M. Burns brings
many life experiences with him. As a member of the National

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May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
78 Chapter 5 Descriptive Narration: Moving Through Time and Space

Guard, he participated in Desert Shield (1990) and Desert Storm

(1991), so his recent work as a firefighter was not his first taste of
action. Here he narrates his real-life “baptism by fire.”
Present tense 1 I am violently torn from my dream by
throughout
stresses the shrieking of the alarm. I am on
immediacy
autopilot, still half asleep and trying to
I. Situation make my eyes focus as I jump into my boots

and run for the fire engine. A mass of

shoulders and elbows clash as we all put

on our jackets and hoods. Somewhere above

my head a loudspeaker comes to life, and

the dispatcher tells us that the carpet

warehouse down the street is fully engulfed

in flames. My heart starts to race, and I

feel a cold wave of adrenaline wash over

my body.

2 The ride to the fire is a rough one.

As I vigorously chew on a handful of Tums,

Concrete I steady myself by holding on to the door
words
handle with my left hand and bring a

bottle of water to my mouth with my right.

I am trying to concentrate on what I will

Image: Sound have to do when I get there. The siren and

air horns are deafening as I run through

the various procedures in my head. This is

my first real fire. Will I get to go

inside? What will it look like, feel like,

and sound like inside? My Captain in the

front seat looks back over his shoulder at

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May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
Examining Essays of Descriptive Narration 79

Dialogue me and asks, “You want to get hot tonight?”

I just nod my head as I adjust the straps

on my facemask.

Concrete 3 We are the first of four fire trucks

words
to respond to the fire. We park on the

street in front of the building. It is a

typical large plate glass storefront with

Images: Sight a showroom in the front and a warehouse in

the rear of the building. Thick black

smoke is billowing from the back of the

building and rising in a huge dark column

Situation that blocks the stars. I am assigned to a
continued
hose team and sandwiched between my Captain

and Lieutenant. I am scared, but I feel

much better going in with two experienced

firefighters. In what seems like only a

matter of seconds, the entry team cuts

open one of the warehouse loading doors.

4 As we crawl in, all I can see is the

floor and my Captain’s rear end. A

Image: Sound bubbling, sizzling, popping sound fills my

ears. I never thought I would hear frying

bacon in a fire. The mechanical clunk and

hiss of my breathing reminds me of Darth

Vader from the old Star Wars movies. I am

getting excited, and I have to remind

myself to breathe slowly so that my air

will last.

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Copyright 2009 Cengage Learning, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
80 Chapter 5 Descriptive Narration: Moving Through Time and Space

5 When I look around, I see that I am

Image: Sight surrounded by a thick cloud of bright

orange light. I can only see about a foot

and a half in front of me; my left hand is

on the back of my Captain’s air tank and

our hose is in the crook of my right arm.

Inside this swirling cloud, it looks like

a hundred bright orange floodlights are

shining down on us from all directions. I

Image: Touch feel the hose jerk and then vibrate as my

Captain opens the nozzle at the end of the

hose and sprays water over our heads. I

wait for a few seconds. When I do not

feel boiling hot water come back down on

II. Conflict us, I know we are in trouble.

6 The heat is intense. It must be over

500 degrees in here. It almost takes my

III. Struggle breath away, like when you first enter a
steam room and you catch your breath. In

those first few seconds, you have a slight

Images: panic; your skin burns and your face
Touch
stings. But after a few moments you get
used to it and realize you are okay.

Before I know it, I am sweating profusely,

but instead of it cooling me I can feel it

heat up and begin to burn my skin. The

Image: Smell cool stale air that I had been breathing

is now getting warmer and smelling like

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May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
Examining Essays of Descriptive Narration 81

plastic as my air tank begins to heat up.

The rubber around my facemask is getting

Image: Touch hotter and beginning to sting my face. I

wonder how much heat my protective

equipment can take. I wonder how much more

I can take. I do not want to disappoint my

Captain and Lieutenant.

Image: Sound 7 I hear a muffled, garbled yelling
Image: Touch behind me and feel a hand slapping my left

shoulder. I arch my back and turn my head

so that I can hear my Lieutenant better.

Through his mask I hear him yell, “IT’S

Dialogue TOO HOT, IT’S GONNA FLASH OVER, WE NEED TO
Image: Sound GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE!!” I relay the

message to my Captain, and he agrees. I

feel him get up from his knees to a crouch

and head for the doorway. I follow him, my

left hand never leaving his air tank. As

IV. Outcome we emerge from the opening, I feel my
Image: Touch Lieutenant slam into the back of me,

knocking us all down like dominoes. I roll

off my Captain and look up at what should

have been a smoke-filled sky. Instead, I

Image: Sight see bright orange flames rolling over our

heads from the doorway we had just come

Image: Touch through. A second later I feel invisible

hands grabbing my harness and dragging me

across the parking lot.

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Copyright 2009 Cengage Learning, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
82 Chapter 5 Descriptive Narration: Moving Through Time and Space

8 My helmet and mask are jerked off my

Image: Touch head. I feel the night air instantly cool

my cheeks and sweat-soaked hair. A voice

Dialogue asks, “Can you tell me what your name is?

Do you know where you are right now?” I

look down to see if all of my body parts

are still attached, and I notice that my

Image: Sight whole body is smoking, as if steam is

escaping through the fabric of my coat and

pants. My Lieutenant was right. The flames

must have flashed over as we were exiting.

The paramedic who is checking me out

notices that I am staring at my steaming

Dialogue gloves and says, “You guys were just

coming through the doorway as it spewed

this huge ball of fire. Just like when

circus performers spit mouthfuls of

alcohol across a match.” As I throw up,

the other firefighters are laughing and

patting me on the back and saying, “So,

how does it feel to be a real

V. Meaning firefighter?”

9 Fabulous.

Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2009 Cengage Learning, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.