Basic： 0.0 Goal： 0.

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the
following topic:

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard
enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Question：

Question type Discussion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything
Topic
if they try hard enough.

1. Discuss the advantages of telling children that they can achieve

Real writing anything if they try hard enough.
tasks 2. Discuss the disadvantages of telling children that they can
achieve anything if they try hard enough.

Synonyms or related words for the key words in the writing task:

1. Cultures – cultural backgrounds

2. Children – youngsters, young people, young individuals
3. Often told – always informed
4. Achieve – acquire, gain, obtain
5. Anything – whatever they desire
6. try hard – attempt harder
Student answer：

In some countries, students are educated that if they make every effort to achieve their
objectives, they will reach their goals. This perspective has its pros and cons, and I
will discuss the its impact on children following.

The advantage forof teaching this argument is that children may be motivated to work
hard, which is related to positive pysychology. Through encouraging students that
they will be successful, like promoting academic success, achieve career trajectories,
if they are able to consume much energy will become motivated to achieve their
objectives. In this case, motivated by teachers' or parents' words, students will make
efforts to achieve their goals. For instance, Tthis can be exampled seen in the
Confucian culture, such as Chinese studetnts. For most many of Chinese students,
their first classlesson after entering a primary school is that they should contribute
themselves on promotingstrive for academic su?ccess, then, they will become
advanced 'academic learners'. As a result, as Eencouraged by those words, some of
Chinese students will spend much time on lerarning, which can benefit their
performance academically academic performance.

Nevertheless, this argument can also lead to psychological anxiety and stress. This is
because, Iit is noticeable that one path to achieve ourone’s prurposes is complex, and
we there is a need to learn for many solutions. Only concentrating on hard-working
for students can be a challenge for them because students may also need other
resources and support to achieve their goals, such as access to educational materials,
guidance from teachers, and a supportive learning environment. For example, when I
was a high school students , and I was bad at learning math. My parents always said
that I was not good at learning math, because I spent less time on it. who are
struggling in a particular subject, may be overwhelmed with In this case, I suffered
from much anxiety and stress, since ? every day I spent more than five hours learning
this subject, but I still experienced bad scores for math.

In concludsion, teaching students that they will achieve anything if they are hard
working persevering has its advantages and drawbacks. One of advantages is that
students may become a hard working determined person; while a the disadvantage is
that srtudents may suffer from anxiety and stress.
Word count: 312

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Overall Positive Assessment

Task Response 6 Present some relevant position in the essay

Coherence and Presents information with some organization but some

6
Cohesion connectors are missed.

Lexical Resource 6 Uses variety of vocabulary for the task

Grammatical
Range and 6 Uses some simple and complex sentences in paragraphs
Accuracy

Overall Band
6 Competent user
Score
Suggestion

TR WEAK POINT 1: The 2nd body paragraph may lack elaboration as

there is no supporting detail to the second main idea.

MY ADVICE: Insert a supporting detail to the reason as to why aside

from hard work there are other factors that is why focusing on hard
work alone is challenging for students. That will emphasize your main
idea.

Tip: Every question should be supported with relevant examples and

supporting evidence to score well for task response. So, after mentioning
the main points briefly, it is mandatory to explain the points in detail with
the help of some supporting statements. These are supporting evidence,
and remember that they should be related to the topic.

NOTE: Without elaboration, the support of points of an essay is not

explained or illustrated as they should be for understanding;
consequently, the veracity and validity of the written work are greatly
compromised. Two elements are necessary for elaboration: sufficiency
and relatedness:

Sufficiency: there must be enough detail, in addition, the details need

to be adequate and offer strong support.

POSITIVE RESULT OF CHANGE: clearer message and a higher

score in your TR.

CC WEAK POINT 1: There are some missing cohesive devices or

linking words.

My advice: You should learn various linking words also called

transitional words or connecting words, to add meaning and
appropriateness in your writing. Show some variation to improve
coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Here are some examples of transitional words and phrases:

Addition: in addition, furthermore, moreover, besides, also, too,

similarly.

Contrast: however, nevertheless, on the other hand, in contrast,

 nonetheless, yet, whereas.

Cause and effect: consequently, therefore, as a result, thus, hence.

Emphasis: indeed, in fact, certainly, surely, truly, without a doubt.

POSITIVE RESULT OF CHANGE: better progression and

connection of ideas in body paragraphs.

LR WEAK POINT 1: Writes misspelled words.

MY ADVICE: Remember dear that spelling is an important part of

your writing test, and is especially important too in any other listening
and speaking tests.

Poor spellings do not only affect your vocabulary/language score but it

can also ruin your task response score. Good spellings, on the other
hand, allow the examiner to understand your ideas clearly.

POSITIVE RESULT OF THE CHANGE: Word accuracy

GR&A WEAK POINT 1: Shows some underused/misused prepositions

MY ADVICE: It's important to use these prepositions correctly and

appropriately in your writing, as misuse or overuse can affect the
clarity and coherence of your ideas.

*The prepositions "of" and "for" are commonly used in IELTS

essays to show relationships between ideas, causes and effects, and
ownership or possession. Here are some examples of how they can
be used:

"Of": This preposition is often used to show possession or to describe

the characteristics of something. For example:

"The benefits of exercise are well-known."

"The role of education in society is crucial."

"The impact of technology on our lives is undeniable."

"For": This preposition is often used to show purpose or reason, or to

indicate who or what something is intended for. For example:

"Governments should invest in renewable energy for the sake of the

environment."
"Parents should set good examples for their children."

"Education is important for personal and professional development."

POSITIVE RESULT OF THE CHANGE:

Grammatical accuracy and completeness.