Managing Conflict

Participant’s Guide

Learning Objectives
1. The participants will articulate the importance of conflict resolution and the nature of
conflict within emotional systems
2. The participants will examine their response to conflict – conflict avoidance and conflict
aggression.
3. The participants will examine a gospel-centered approach to conflict resolution.

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Managing Conflict
Participant’s Guide bettergetgoodathandlingit
you
Conflict is a part of life. Where does conflict come from?
conflict
Conflictariseswhendifference ismetwithimmaturity Differenceitselfdoesnotresultin
Heavenwillbefilledwith
believersfrom all
of party
combination both
What does scripture say about conflict?
tribeandtongue

3 layers of conflict Whathappened

1. Differentperspectives
2. whole 2 What areyoufeeling
messof feelings
3. A
aboutwho are
Rattledyoursenseofidentity
3 whatisthisconflictsaying you

Those conflicts and disputes among you, where do they come from? Do they not come from
your cravings that are at war within you? You want something and do not have it..
James 4.1-2
Theologicalviews
Cause
Gifference
seekclarification
Tension
Immaturity Notconfronting
Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
Resolving Everyday Conflict WhatcausedMessyconflict
virtuesignalingandcan't
seeeyetoeye

Figure 1: The Slippery Slope Between Conflict Avoidance and Aggression

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 How do you respond to Conflict?

Figure 2: Peacemaking

Going Higher

“It’s crucial to realize that you either glorify God or you glorify something or someone else. You’re
always making something look big.”

If you don’t glorify God when you’re involved in a conflict, you inevitably show that someone or
something else rules your heart. If you don’t focus on God, you unavoidably focus on yourself and your
own will, or on other people and the threat of their wills. Put another way, your actions show either
that you have a big God or that you have a big self and big problems.
"Your best way to keep living for God is to continually ask yourself questions that bring your focus
back to him. "How can I focus on God in this situation?" "How can I please and honor God in this
situation?" "How can I bring praise to Jesus by showing that he has saved me and is changing me?"

3 Questions
1. Am I trusting God?
2. Am I obeying God?
3. Am I imitating God ?

Forgiveness vs Forbearance theextremecouldleadtoconflictavoiding

y
differencebetweenforgivenessand
Whatisthe
forbearance

Forbearanceshouldn't
come to apointofaffectingtherelationship

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 Get Real

“Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how
can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out
of your neighbor’s eye.”

Matthew 7.3-5 Thecontextofthispassageisnotaboutremovingthesinof it'storemoveoursinfirst

othersRather

Backwardbooking
Contribution vs Blame
findingfault
Forwardlooking
findingsolution
In aconflict weneedtoaskthequestionhowhave Icontributed4thisconflict
repentance
What makes for a good confession?

theword
willnotfind
confront
Gently Engage confront AwordstudyintheNT
exhort
rebuke teach
wordis
Insteadthe

Brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a
spirit of gentleness. Galatians 6:1 andmeeknessistheChristianposture
Gentleness

poet“If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of
you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not
listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by
the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the
church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a
Gentile and a tax collector.” Matt 18.15-17

d intheeventof
Takesawayshame restoration
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4 throughprivate
engagement announcement
am bemade celebrated

Theyarestillwelcomedto
church
Communion
butnotta leadpartake
etc anythingthat ispracticed
byChristians

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 Get Together
“Forgiveness is a powerful act that opens up the possibility of a relationship being fully healed
from the pain of conflict. Forgiveness is how you move from merely solving a problem to ...repairthe
relationship
Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore, we should be the most
forgiving people in the world.” S & J

What Forgiveness is not

Forgiveness is not ______________

feeling
Forgiveness is not ______________
forgetting
Forgiveness is not ______________
excusing

WhatForgiveness Is notaonetimeamnesia
A
“Forgiveness can be costly. When someone sins, they create a debt someone has to pay. Most
of this debt is owed to God. In his great mercy, he sent his Son to pay that debt on the cross
for all who would trust in him. But if someone sins against you, part of their debt is also owed
to you. This leaves you with a choice. You can either take payments on the debt or you can
make payments.” Ken Sande, Kevin Johnson

Forgiveness
GodinChristforgaveus
2 Components of Forgiveness: gas
1. The attitude of forgiveness (unilateral and unconditional) Eph 4:32
2. The application of forgiveness (transactional and conditional on the other person’s
repentance) Luke 17:3
ifthisisnotconditionalthenweareimplyingsinisnotsin
Attitude of Forgiveness
Wedon'twanttofallintothetrapofforgivingtoo quicklyfor thesakeofmaintaining withus
relationship
God
with
relationship
independent withoutconcern their
about

of
theother
person
An attitude of forgiveness is real. It isn’t partial or “forgiveness lite.” It’s complete for you. As you obey
Christ’s command to offer forgiveness from the heart, to have an attitude of forgiveness, your burden
lifts and your disposition changes. What isn’t complete yet is reconciliation.
dependenton theotherperson
Application of Forgiveness

“The transactional component of forgiveness happens between you and your offender. Unless you are
dealing with a minor sin that can be overlooked, granting forgiveness is conditional on the repentance of
the other person. Once that person confesses, you can extend forgiveness, releasing him or her from
the offense and enjoying a fully restored relationship. Taking this step isn’t appropriate until the offender
has acknowledged wrongdoing.”

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Capture
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