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"Yes. That's it," Yetta said. "Well, that's what strikes mean. We're
fighting for the old promises."
"Pretty little thing, isn't she?" a blonde lady in Mrs. Van Cleave's box
asked her neighbor.
"Not my style," he replied. "Even if you had no other charms, if you
were humpbacked and cross-eyed, that hair of yours would do the
trick with me. Haven't you a free afternoon next week, so we could
get married?"
"I didn't know old Denning was so snappy with his Hebrew," another
broke in.
"Which reminds me of a story—"
"Is it fit to listen to?" the blonde lady asked.
"Yes—of course. It's about a Welsh minister—"
But the lady had turned away discouraged, to the boredom of the
man who really wanted to marry her.
But perhaps in that crowded auditorium there may have been some
who had understood what Yetta had been talking about.
Later in the evening, when she was standing with Longman on the
deserted stage, waiting for Mabel, who—to use Eleanor's expression
—was "sweeping up," he asked her what she was doing the next
day.
"I want you to have dinner with me," he said. "Mabel and Isadore
Braun are coming. And if it isn't asking too much, I wish you could
give me some of the afternoon before they come. I'd like to talk over
a lot of things with you. You know I'm sailing the day after to-
morrow. It's my last chance to get really acquainted with you."
"Sure. I'd like to come," Yetta replied. "But where are you going?"
She listened in amazement to his plans. She had thought he was
going to marry Mabel. When he had left them at the door of the flat,
Yetta asked her with naïve directness if she wasn't engaged to
Longman.
"No," Mabel laughed. "Where did you get that idea?"
"Why, all the girls think you are."
"Well, they're all wrong. I'm not."
"And aren't you in love with him?"
"Not a bit. You Little Foolish, can't people be good friends without
being in love?"
Yetta went to sleep trying to think out this proposition. She hardly
remembered the choice she had made between college and work,
nor the strain of the great meeting. It was very hard to believe that
Mabel and Walter were not in love.
CHAPTER XVII
THE OPERATING ROOM
Walter's study seemed to Yetta an ideal room. There was no
appearance of luxury about it—nothing to remind one by contrast of
the hungry people outside. There were no "decorations," except two
portraits of his grandparents and a small reproduction of one of the
great cow-faced gods of the Haktites which stood on the
mantelpiece above the fireplace. The rest of the room was made up
of comfortable chairs, a well-padded window-seat, and books. The
cases were full and so was the table and so were some of the chairs
and there were books on the floor. Knowledge was a goal which her
father had set before Yetta as almost synonymous with "goodness"
and "happiness." It was a thing she had forgotten about in the
sweat-shop, but for which her recent experience had given her an
all-consuming hunger. No one who has been "sent to college," who
has had an education thrust upon him, can realize how much she
venerated books. When Longman brought her to his room, it
seemed to her as if she had entered the home of her dreams.
The greatest thing that had come to Yetta in the new life was the
gift of friends. In the days since her father's death, with the
exception of the few weeks when Rachel had given her confidences,
she had had only loveless relatives and shopmates. And now she
could hardly count her friends. From the very first she had given
Longman the niche of honor in this gallery. The reason was
something more subtle than his dramatic entrance into her life. She
seldom thought of him as her rescuer. But she felt that his regard for
her was more personal and direct than that of the others. She could
not have explained it coherently to herself, but she felt it no less
keenly. Mrs. Van Cleave was fond of her because she had eyes like
those of the long-dead daughter. Mrs. Karner was attracted to her
because she typified her own lost youth. Isadore Braun and Mabel
valued her because of her flaming spirit of revolt.
Over on "the Island," the warden's little three-year-old son, in spite
of her prison dress, in spite of the jealousy of his own nurse, had
run into her arms at first sight. Instinctively she felt that Walter liked
her in a similar fashion. If, during the strike, she had sold out,
turned "scab," Braun and Mabel would no longer have been her
friends. But Longman would have come to her in his gentle,
lumbering way and asked her about it. He might have been
disappointed, even angry, but still he would have been her friend.
Yetta wanted to begin at once with some questions about Socialism.
"You'd better save them till Isadore and Mabel come," Longman
laughed. "He's got all the answers down by heart—the orthodox
ones. And Mabel isn't a Socialist. I'm neither fish, flesh, nor good red
herring. It will start a beautiful shindy if you spring those questions
to-night."
He told her about his projected book on Philosophy, and how he
would like to add her credo to his collection. The big scope of the
idea caught her fancy, and she said she was willing.
It was slow work at first. The earlier questions on his list led her into
unfamiliar fields. She had never troubled her mind over metaphysics.
She was not sure what kind of a god she believed in—nor whether It
really ought to be called "God." She had given no thought to the
question whether this is the best or worst possible world. The
prophecies, which her father had loved so much, inclined her
strongly to the idea that it might be made a better one. But she had
never even tried to determine whether the Universe is an elaborate
and precise mechanical instrument, a personally conducted puppet
show, or a roulette wheel. Her inability to answer these questions—
and the way he put them made them seem very important—shamed
her. He seemed to be sounding the depths of her ignorance. Did she
believe in a future life? She threw up her hands.
"I don't know."
"Nobody knows. It's a question of belief. You loved your father very
much, and when you were a little girl he died. Was that the end of
him?"
She shook her head. He waited patiently for words.
"No. It wasn't the end of him. Anyhow the memory lasts."
"Do you ever talk to him now?"
"Sometimes. I pretend to."
"Is it as good as if he was really here?"
"Almost—sometimes."
"Well. After you die do you think you'll meet him?"
Yetta curled herself up a little tighter on the window-seat, her
forehead puckered into deep wrinkles.
"Yes," she said after a while. "I think—once, anyhow—I'll have a
chance to talk to him—tell him everything and ask him what was
right and wrong—and he'll tell me."
"How will he look?"
"I don't know. But I'll know it's him."
The ordeal became easier as the questions began to deal with more
mundane problems. But before long they got into deep water again.
"Do you believe that honesty is the best policy?"
That took a lot of thinking and brought back the wrinkles.
"Honesty—telling the truth," she said at last. "I guess it's the best
something, but it ain't always the best policy. If I hadn't perjured
myself, we wouldn't have won this strike."
"What?"
"I don't mind telling you. I lied in court. I swore I didn't hit Pick-Axe;
but I tried to kill him."
Longman whistled softly.
"Tell me about it."
When she had told him all,—what Pick-Axe had said and done, how
suddenly blind rage had overcome her, how at length Braun had
persuaded her to lie,—she asked him if he thought honesty would
have been the best policy in this case.
"I'm asking questions this afternoon, not answering them," he said
gravely. "This interests me a lot. So you think it's sometimes right to
lie in a good cause."
"No," she said quickly. "I don't think it's never right to lie. But I
guess sometimes you've just got to. If I'd told the truth, they'd have
sent me to prison, instead of the workhouse. I wouldn't have cared.
It ain't nice to lie, and like Mr. Thoreau says, there's worse things
than being in the worst prison. But it would have been awful for the
others. Just because I told the truth all the papers would have lied
and said all the girls were murderers. We'd have lost the strike. I'd
have felt better if I'd told the truth. But there's more than two
thousand girls in our trade.
"It's like this, I think. If you make up your mind that something is
good, you got to fight for it; you can't be afraid of getting beat up,
or arrested, or killed, and you can't be afraid of hurting your
conscience either. Mr. Thoreau has got an essay about John Brown
and how he fought to free the black slaves. Well, suppose
somebody'd come to him and told him how he could do it, if he'd
commit a big sin himself. I guess he'd have done it. If he'd said, 'You
can beat me or put me in prison or hang me for those black men,
but I won't sin for them,' he'd have been a coward. I'd rather go to
prison than tell a lie like I done. But I ain't afraid to do both."
She had sat up stiffly on the window-seat while she was trying to
say all this. Again she curled up. She watched Walter, as he sat there
in deep thought, absent-mindedly drumming on the table with his
pencil. She could not have talked like this to any one else in the
world. She had expressed herself poorly; in her intensity she had
slipped back into her old ways of speech, but she knew he did not
care about doubled negatives, nor "ain't's." She knew he had
understood. And just when she had found this wonderful friend, she
was losing him. He was going away in the morning for years and
years. Central Asia sounded far away and dangerous. Something
might happen to him and he never come back. She was afraid she
would cry if she kept silence any longer.
"What do you think?" she asked.
"I was wondering if you are afraid of anything."
"Oh, yes. Lots of things."
"For instance?"
"Well, I'm afraid of the Yetta Rayefsky who tried to kill Pick-Axe. And
I'm afraid of myself for not blaming her for it. And I'm afraid of
being useless. I'm afraid of waste. I'm afraid—more than anything
else—of ignorance." She sat up again. "Yes. That's the worst thing
the bosses do to us—they keep us ignorant. I don't think even you
can understand that. You've had books all your life. You've been to
school and college, you're a professor,"—the awe grew in Yetta's
voice,—"your room is full of books. I sit here and look at them and
try to think what it must mean to know all that's in so many books
and I want to get down on my knees, I'm so ignorant."
"Good God! Yetta," he said savagely, jumping up. "Don't talk like
that. I'm not worth your stepping on."
He came over and took her hand and surprised her by kissing it
humbly.
"I'm going away to-morrow—for a very long while—and I want to tell
you, before I go, that you're a saint, a heroine. Did books mean so
much to you? And you decided to work instead of going to college?
Books?" He grabbed one from the table and hurled it violently across
the room. "Books? They are only paper and ink and dead men's
thoughts. Truth and wisdom don't come from books. They can't
teach you those things in college. Yes. I've had books all my life. I
live with them." He stamped up and down and shook his fists at the
unoffending shelves. "If I know anything Real, if I've got the
smallest grain of wisdom, I didn't get it from them. There's only one
teacher—that's Life, and before you can learn you've got to suffer. I
don't know much because things have been easy for me. How old
are you? Nineteen? Well, I'm over thirty. You talk about getting down
on your knees to me! Good God! I've ten years start and every
advantage, but I don't know—Capital K-N-O-W—as much as you.
And good? I ought to ask your pardon for kissing your hands. I'm no
good! God! I want to break something!"
He looked around savagely for something which would make a great
noise. But he suddenly changed his mind, and pulling up a chair to
the window-seat, where Yetta was sitting bolt upright, he began
again in a quieter tone.
"Yetta, I'm a lazy, self-indulgent imbecile. I've never done anything
in all my life that I didn't want to do. I've never sacrificed anything
for any cause, not my easy-chairs, nor my pipe, nor my good meals,
nothing. Nothing but automobiles and yachts which I didn't want.
God gave me a brain which I am too lazy to use. And besides my
general uselessness and selfish waste, I'm a coward. Why am I
going off to Persia? Is it because I think it will ever do anybody any
good, ever make life sweeter or finer for any one, to have me
decipher the picture puzzles of the people who worshipped that
stupid-faced cow on the mantelpiece? No. I'm not that foolish. Is it
because I don't know what I might do, if I was as wise as you are—
wise enough to know that we must give our lives to win our souls?
No! I know that just as well as you do, Yetta. But I'm a coward. I'm
running away, because I'm afraid of life."
He jumped up again and began to pace the room.
"Oh, well!" he groaned. "Enough heroics for one afternoon. But don't
let books hypnotize you, Yetta. Schopenhauer said once that the
learning of the West crumples up against the wisdom of the East like
a leaden bullet against a stone wall. There's nothing in books but
'learning.' And you've got some of the Eastern wisdom, Yetta. It's
part of your Semitic heritage. Treasure it. Don't ever let books come
between you and your intimacy with life. One pulse beat of a live
heart is worth all the printed words in a thousand books. I—"
But he interrupted himself and sat down gloomily and looked out
over Yetta—who had curled up once more—at the budding green
tree tops of Washington Square.
His tirade had disturbed Yetta much more than he dreamed. It was
not until long afterwards that she was to bring out his words from
the treasure-house of her memory and come to understand what he
meant by all his talk of Knowledge and Wisdom. She would never
think as lightly of book learning as he did. She even less appreciated
his ardently expressed admiration of her, and his self-condemnation.
It was his pain which impressed her. He had fallen from his godlike
majesty. He was no longer a calm-browed Olympian, who deigned to
let her drink from the fountain of his wisdom. He was just a simple
man, who suffered. And so Yetta began to love him.
In the wonder of it she forgot that he was going away.
"Yetta," he said abruptly. "Where are you planning to live? Are you
going to stay on with Mabel and Miss Mead?"
"Why, no," she rushed dizzily down through the cold spaces which
separate Dreamland from New York City. "I—I don't suppose so. I'll
find a room somewhere. On the East Side, I guess."