ready to begin.

BEN I am ready.

SHANAIS I am open.

GARY I am open and I am ready.

LAUREN yes I am.

JOL, GEN, ZARA me too.

ABI I am so open and I am so ready.

AMY see me here – see my readiness.

DOM see my Conservatoire hoodie.

BECCA I am readier than I’ve ever been.

KAT I am ready for it even if I don’t know what it is.

CHIJOKE I will throw myself into whatever it is, without asking.

BETHAN I will throw myself into the unknown.

EVE I am unknown and I am open.

LEAH I will throw myself into you, without asking

ZAC I will ask for your consent before – before – throwing myself into you.

AMY throw yourself into me – I am ready and open and I fully consent.

BARNEY yes.

ALL yes and.

BETHAN yes and I wear my Conservatoire hoodie

BARNEY yes and – yes – I take risks. BARNEY

GEN I take so many risks – I speak without knowing what I’m gonna say.

SHANAIS I speak without knowing and I move without knowing.

ZAC I move into the unknown.

LAUREN I move onto my new yoga mat.

GARY I have my yoga mat but I am unknown.

BEN I breathe in the unknown and I push on my diaphragm.

LEAH I push my yoga mat into my diaphragm.

KAT I push my yoga mat into my diaphragm I do my downward dog

DOM I put down my dog

ZARA my dog was put down

ALL AAAAAH

KAT I say AAAAAH but I say AAAAAH in the wrong way

ZAC we all know the right way and that is most definitely the wrong way.

KAT Say AAAAAH.

[Audience] “AAAAAH.”

LAUREN that’s wrong.

ABI get out.

BECCA yes get out

and put your head in the toilet.

ZARA yes and wash your mouth out.

GEN the right way to say AAAAH is to say it with received pronunciation.

EVE wash out the wrongness of your AAAAAH.

CHIJOKE scratch it out of your untrained throat with a toilet brush.

AMY don’t bring your hard As to us – that’s not the correct elocution.

BETHAN that’s not correct and we are here to be correct.

JOL so don’t bring them, in fact fuck off with them.

BEN leave your hard As on your yoga mat and gather round the big paper

SHANAIS we have co-created a contract

KAT I have written it in my best handwriting

GARY yes, and we have witnessed it

LEAH we have signed it in multiple colours and are accountable
to ourselves

ZAC we are ready to find out who we are.

ABI yes we are who you say we will be.

BARNEY tell us who we are and who we will be, please.

ABI, LAUREN, tell us.

SHANAIS

ALL please!

BECCA we are worth the risk.

CHIJOKE we’re risking things too – don’t tell us we’re not.

LAUREN I have risked the integrity of my diaphragm.

DOM I have choked on my Conservatoire hoodie.

AMY I have weaponised my yoga mat.

CHIJOKE so don’t tell us we’re not taking risks.

LEAH we’re risking more than you can imagine.

JOL we’re risking debt and rejection and – yes – a total collapse of self.

BETHAN don’t look at us when our sense of self is collapsing.

GROUP 1 we don’t consent.

GROUP 2 don’t look at us.

BECCA don’t look at what we’ve devised

GEN, ZARA, ZAC we’re not ready.

ALL we’ve only just met

BETHAN, EVE, don’t look

SHANAIS

BARNEY don’t look at our hastily adapted greek myths

ALL don’t look

BEN (please actually do look though – please.)

talents.
BETHAN we are here because we’re talented.

GEN we’ve impressed you in audition and we’re ready to impress you
again.

SHANAIS we’ve got so much more to give.

GARY we’re so talented.

CHIJOKE we’ll give you our sweat and we’ll give you our tuition fees

AMY we’ll give over nine grand a year and extra for a stage combat course
over the summer

ABI thank you for the opportunity

ALL thank you.

LAUREN no thank you.

BEN we’re already talented but soon we’ll be talented and skilled
and that’s what we’ll say thank you for.

ZAC we’re ready for more.

LEAH with this opportunity we’ll do more than you can possibly imagine.

KAT yes we’ll do more than you can imagine

and we’ll do even more than that.

DOM picture the most amazing thing you can imagine and now imagine us
doing it whilst also wearing a Conservatoire hoodie.

ZARA you couldn’t possibly imagine our glory

EVE look at this – could you imagine us doing this?

[BARNEY, BECCA and BEN do bird noises]

GARY could you imagine us doing this?

[GARY licks his elbow]

GEN could you imagine us doing anything even a bit like THIS?

[CHIJOKE and KAT do flips and shit]

AMY, LEAH, LOOK AT THAT
LAUREN

GARY, BETHAN, LOOK AT US

SHANAIS

ABI LOOK AT OUR COLLECTIVE TALENTS

ZAC WE ARE AN ENSEMBLE

ALL BEHOLD OUR GLORY

KAT sing songs of praise in our honour!

CHIJOJKE praise us and honour us and sing a song unto our talent

ZARA BEHOLD

[BETHAN, SHANAIS and AMY become a kazoo orchestra,

playing Chariots of Fire]

EVE we have moved beyond our diaphragms

and we have discovered who we are

LEAH we are a collective power

BECCA we are a pressure group

BARNEY we are actors, BA brackets Hons, Group 2

ZAC we are a Bacchic ritual if Dionysios only drank Echo Falls

LAUREN we are ready for our hangover

and we are open to looking stupid in a car park

GEN we are comfortable without our yoga mats

BEN we are freezing

JOL we are a little bit tipsy

GARY we are conscious of our growing debt

SHANAIS but we are talented

ALL we are so talented

BETHAN maybe as talented as you

ABI we’re all such a talented bunch and we haven’t even trained

DOM we are showing you our talents – al fresco – in the safety

of this car park

KAT, LEAH, look kindly upon us

CHIJOKE

ALL look!

AMY look at us all here

ABI think what we might do

ZARA look at us all

ZAC BEHOLD OUR TALENTS!

ALL BEHOLD!!!