Script 2

Mt. Olympus
Cast needed: Peleus, Thetis, Zeus, Hera, Aphrodite, Athena, Hermes, Achilles

Peleus: Wow, I really enjoyed my time with Jason on the Argo. The adventures were
swell, but even better was checking out that hot Nereid, Thetis.

Thetis: Hi Peleus! You’re looking well for a mortal, and you’re a pretty good
conversationalist. Let’s get married.

Peleus: I like an assertive woman. I’m ready. When should we tie the knot?

Thetis: Just let me put some wedding plans together. We have to rent the hall, hire the
caterers, talk to Orpheus about the music, discuss wine selections with Dionysus, send
out the guest list.

Peleus: It’ a good thing you’re immortal and can handle all of these things. I’m going
back to Aegina, my hometown. While I’m waiting, I’ll kill my stepbrother Phocus and
be banished to Iolcus. I might marry a couple of times, but don’t worry, when you’re
ready, I’ll be free.

Thetis: Okay sweetie! See you soon.

Time passes. Soon there is a wedding on Mt. Olympus

Peleus: Well Thetis, you’ve outdone yourself. Everything looks great. The gods and
goddesses are all happy. We couldn’t ask for a better day to be married! But what’s
this?

Thetis: It’s a golden apple that someone has thrown into the middle of the dance floor.
Look, there’s something written on it. It says “To the fairest.” I guess that means that
the most beautiful woman in the room should get this apple. But who would have thrown
this here?

Zeus: Hey Thetis. Did you invite Eris, the goddess of Discord?

Thetis: Oh my gracious lord, king of all gods. No, of course I didn’t invite her! What do
you take me for? A complete moron? Why would I invite the goddess of discord to a
wedding? That’s just asking for trouble. After all discord means lack of agreement.
Married people are supposed to agree on things.

Zeus: Well, that’s her handwriting on the apple. It looks like the old Apple of Discord
trick. This seems very much like something she would do. I remember her sister doing
something similar at Sleeping Beauty’s christening party when she was not invited.
Thetis: I don’t understand. It’s just a nice present for the most beautiful woman here.
How could it cause discord and strife?

Hera: You’re right Thetis. It can’t. It’s a no-brainer. Seeing as I’m obviously the fairest
in the land (and queen of the gods, and your wife—Zeusy poo), I’ll take that apple.

Aphrodite: Just back the junk in the trunk up there Hera. I’m the goddess of love and
beauty and obviously the most beautiful one here. I’ll take the apple.

Athena: Just to make this fun, I think I’ll throw my helmet in the ring. Daddy, Daddy! I
want the pretty apple!

Zeus: See what I mean about the apple of discord?

Thetis: Yes I do, and it’s spoiling my wedding. What can we do? Why don’t you decide
and be done with this?

Zeus: What, are you nuts!? You want me to come between these three in a beauty
contest? No way!

Peleus: Well can you suggest someone else? Someone who is known as a fair, even-
minded judge? What about Minos king of Crete? He was always open-minded.

Zeus: No, Minos is busy judging souls in Hades. And you know Hades doesn’t like to
give his help vacations. But I do have an idea. There’s a shepherd outside of Troy who
is known for his even temper and fair judgment. He used to be a prince, Prince
Alexandros, but his parents abandoned him and he was picked up by a shepherd and
named Paris. I’ll dump this problem in Paris’ lap. Where’s Hermes?

Hermes: Here boss!

Zeus: Take this apple and these ladies to Paris of Troy and let him decide who is fairest.

Hermes: Okay ladies. Let’s go! ( Hermes, Aphrodite, Hera and Athena exit.)

Thetis: Things really happen fast in god time. Peleus, did you know I’m pregnant? In
fact, I’m going to give birth right now! Oh look! We have a baby boy!

Peleus: Nice looking kid. Let’s name him Achilles. Too bad he can’t be immortal.

Thetis: I’ll dip him in the river Styx so he’ll be immortal.

Peleus: Okay, but be careful. If you miss a spot, he might be susceptible.

Thetis: Don’t worry honey; I’ve got this under control.