P R EP A CE

N o treat i se on t he sex quest io n is com plet e wi thout an

extended co nsiderat ion o f the art of love M y former bo oks
.

o n s ex while o ften b riefl deali ng wi t h ome aspec t of t h

, y s s e

mec hanic al o r physical side of sex have chich y been co n ,

cerned wit h its p sycholo gy .

A bo o k , t o be o f u se t o be ginne rs in ma rriage must b e ,

very plain in its l angu age and igno re no det ail T he o nly
mo d ern bo o k I kno w which attempts this is o ne fo r which
.

I wr o te an intro duct ion several yea rs ago “ Sane Sex L ife

,

and S ane Sex L ivi ng ,

”
by H W L ong M D It wo uld be
. .
, . .

folly t o attempt and I would no t have it thought that I

,

expec t t o imp ro ve upo n t his book so far as it goe s

, T he .

bo o k referred to however is very brief deals almos t exclu

, , ,

sively wi th t he mech anical and phy s ical sides of sex gives ,

littl e by way of i llust rat io n from ac tual ca ses and re fe rs ,

very li t tle o r no t at all to th e li tera t ure o n this subj ect .

W hil e the bo ok he re p resent ed will no t be an exhaus ti ve

t reat i s e it is my purpo se t o t rea t th e subj ec t adequat e ly fo r
,

all o rdi nary pu rpose s to correlat e the p sychic and phy s i c al

,

s ides o f t he lo ve re l at io n t o illu st ra t e de t ails t o some ext e nt

,

by c ases th at have come under my o wn observa t ion and to ,

discuss quotat ions from the older lit erat ure o n the subj w t ;
f or t he re is a li terat ure o n this subj ec t fairly comple t e , ,

tho u gh kept almost ent i rely from the professional and pub
lice eye while such bo ok s o n the rel at ions of married peo p le
,

which have been generally k nown have dealt almos t ex clu

s ivel
y wi t h P la t o n ic relat io ns and aes t het i c c o ns ide ra t i o ns

and such attempts as have been made t o elucida te t h e ac t ual

p h y s ical sex rel a t i o n h ave be en abs t rac t or general .

To sh o w t he ps ychic m o difi c at io ns t ha t m us t be made in

th e average y o u ng m an and wo man and then t o show t he
,

h
p y s i ca l a dap ta ti o ns nec ess a ry f o r t h em t o beco me a nd
4 P ref ac e

remai n t rue mar ried lovers is my present pu rpose made

, ,

d iffi c ult by a deeply i nt renched ignoranc e and prej udice by ,

a whole psychology of erroneous sex t hi nki ng and by a ,

patholo gical physiolo gy of married love N o t a week goes .

by in w hic h I do no t fi nd couples lo ng married whose , ,

psychic ba rriers have never been broken down and whose ,

ignora nc e of the physical adapt a t ions necessary for love s ’

perfec t c o nsummat io n is nothi ng short of amaz i ng .

If ignoranc e were bliss it might be folly to be wise ; but

where ignorance leads t o pro st i tut io n divorce ill health , , ,

neurosi s u nhappi ne ss it were be t t er t o be wise even at t h e

, , ,

price or some shocks t o the sensibilit ie s of tho se re ared u nde r

and adheri ng t o t he old t radi tio ns .

A nd yet I shall show t hat while the older idealis t ic writ

,

ers left every thi ng t o i ns t inc t and made t he whole subj ec t of

married love so refi ned and remot e t hat few blu ndered i nto
right ways of physiological living there were people who
,

lived happily and phys iologically there was a literat ure

,

t w o tho u sand years ago so precise and complet e th at had

,

it been heeded no o ne could have go ne as t ray .

T h e t e nde ncy of t hose st udent s who have noted th e disa s

t ers a t te ndant upo n t he almo st utt er negl ect of th e art of
love in marriage is at present while giving i ns t ruction which
,

is absolut ely c orre ct t o make love in its co nsummat ion so

,

baldly physi c al or ma t erial and all love s a spirat io ns so ’

de st it u te of ideals that the refi ned look upon their t eachi ngs
as sensual or salacious U ndoubte dly these cri t icism s are
.

largely unju st ; but it is ha rdly po ssible to discu ss t he

physical side of sex in its details when shame p rudery and , ,

di s gus t as th e resul t of the sex t abu have so long exis t ed

, , ,

wit hout o ff endi ng many Such discussions even take away

.

t h e breath of some who recogni z e t he honor puri ty and , ,

beau ty of a legit imat e sex life and who are in di re strai ts

for lack of adequa t e direc tions for livi ng such a life properly .

We have lo ng conside red sex as t he depraved part of o ur

na ture. M any people consider t he psychic or P la t oni c
relat io ns of marri ed people far above their physical sex
rela ti o ns and tha t the fo rm
, er may be e nhanced by sacri
fi cing th e la tt er .Some recogni ze th e legi t imacy and neces
 P reface 5

sit of bo t h the p sychic and the physical while o t hers of

y , ,
inferior type have no desire o r abili t y beyo nd t he physical
,
relat i o n .

be pe rmanent i nt ense and e nno bli ng psychic uni o n A ll

, , .

experiences of my o wn and o thers t end t o s ho w c o nclu

, ,

sively t hat t he ero t ic physical

p l ays j us t as l e
git i m a t e a p a rt
in ma rried love and is t o be no more ash amed of t h an t he
eret hic psychical .

T h e psychic yearni ng and associa t ion is mo re abidi ng

and s a t isfyi ng and at it s bes t is so p erfec t a co mmunio n t ha t
,

were it p ossible for this rela tion t o e xi st w i th o ut t he ot her

it mi gh t be considered as all su ffi c ie nt and an end in it self ;
-

bu t t his lo ngi ng for super se nse t o t h e ex c l u

-
s io n of t h e s ensu

ou s r eceives a rude shock w h e n co nfro nt e d W i th t he c e rt ai n

knowledge tha t th e so ul affiliat io ns of mar ri age c an never

attai n their highes t plane c an seld om be reali zed at all and
, ,

if re ali zed c an never be p erm anent w i tho u t t he s ensu ous as

precursor and accom p anist Y et t he ph y sic al if it is alone
.
, ,

cou rt ed wi th out higher as p ira tio n yi eld s s el fish sensual

, , ,

s a t i s fac t io n alone w hich is i ncom ple t e and u

, ne nd u ri ng .

T here has bee n so mu ch neglec t of th e physi c al si de and ,

so many evils and so much misery and unh app i nes s have
r e s ult ed t herefrom t hat it is p erh a p s na t u
, ral that t here
sh o uld no w be a t ende ncy to a p o theosi z e th a t s i d e and omi t

co nsiderat ion of t he o ther side e ntirely T his gives a dis .

t o r ted and i ncom p le t e view of t h e s ex rel at io n very shock ,

ing t o those w ho have been in t he habi t of looki ng at it o nly

from the psy chi c side and wh t have c o nsi dered th e p h y sical
an unneces sary evil t o be sco rned and ignored
, .

M y u nenviable t ask is t o at t emp t t o prese nt s ex in its

e nt ire t y in it s t rue bea u
,
t y and in it s d u al as pe c t th e p hysi ,

cal part at least nec e ssary for heal th and ha p p i nes s as w ell ,

as necessary for the perfect io n of t he p s v ch ic p a rt wh ich ,

is the mos t e nduri ng and permanently sa t isfyi ng bo nd of men

and wome n and t o sho w tha t the psychic and physical ele
 P reface

mnts of th e inst inc t , taken to gethe r —f

they are insep
—
e sex or
arable are fu ndam ent al to our p ro gres s in lite ratu re, a lt ru
ism, mo rali ty , idealism , and religion, and t o o u r co m p reh en

sio n and apprecia t ion of na t ure a nd art , and t o th e per fect

re ali z a t io n of all t he re al j oys of m
en a nd wo en m .

While this book is written es pecially fo r the p ro fession ,

m mm
it may seem exceed i ngly simple to so e e b ers o f all p ro
fes sio ns Nevertheless, it may p ro ve o f u
. se to t ho se wh o se

correct early inst ruc tion, co mmon sense, o r ac curate inves

t igat io ns h ave rendered its t e achings su pe rfl uo u s i f it s h o w s
t hem the nece ss i t y of expo unding such te achings as it co n
tai ns t o the large maj o ri t y of married fo lks At the sa e
. m
time the author is fully awa re that the mass of pro fessi o nal
-d efi n
people have ill ed idea s o n t hi s subj ect , are hesit ant

abou t teachi ng what they them selves really know , and u nder
es t ima t e great ly the dis tresses, illnesses, and infidelities
which overtake tho se who would alw ays remain happily mar
ried if t hey unde rst oo d some o f t hes e s imple fi rst pri nc iples .

While the au thor h as made some spec ial study along t hese
line s, he does no t po se as an absolute autho ri ty no r speak
in any cri t ical way of th e fa ilu re of th e p rofession as a whol e
t o mas t er and te ach t h e facts o f co rrect sex livi ng .He
th i nks t hat in rece nt years th e p ro fession h as been very
u njus tly condem ned from wi t hin its o wn ranks Especially .

m
do those u rba n specialis ts wh o conde n the general prac
t itio ner fail t o reali z e t hat it would be o rdi narily u tt erly
impossible for t hem to step int o the sho es of t ho se sa e m
general pract i tio ne rs and discha rge t heir duti es with any
approximat io n to t he celerit y , ex actness, and h u anity m
which charac t eri ze th e work of thei r ru ral brethren I n o t her
.

words , ext ended observat ion is conclusive to the eff ec t that

ci ty men and specialis ts, while suppo sedly better trained
are really , because of t he facilities fo r a multipli catio n o f
j u dgment s and a division o f resp onsibility (an o pportunity
“ ”
t o p ass th e buck , so to speak ) , less re liable in em ergencies
and at l ea st as pro ne to e rro r in d i agno si s and treat ent a. m
t hecou nt ry doct or .

But in t hi s m att er of sex kno wledge and inst ructio n,

 P reface 3;

Whether the m
an be u rb an or rural , he is o rd i na rily dest i
t ute of much de si rable knowledge and h es i t ant about u si ng
what he h as and he must be absolved fro m any blame fo r
, .

t his , s ince the absu rdly p rudish a tti tude of th e public , ini
t i s t ed and fo st ered by the t eleological pronou nceme nts of a
i t ifi c era have m ade it well nigh i m possible if he
- n
p re sc e , ,

values his p ro fessional standing fo r him t o acqui re from ,

its fou ntai n he ad normal m

-
, an any k nowledge of sex beyond
,

h is o wn individu al experience and the perfec tly obviou s ; and

if by hook o r c ro ok he does acqui re any such knowledge and
attempt to impart it eve n where mos t needed it is t a nt a
, ,

mount t o placing his social s tandi ng and his modest i ncom e

in j eopardy . P erh ap s I should have u sed the past t ense in
the prec eding sentence fo r there is at p rese nt cert ai nly a
,

g r e a t e r wi lli ng ne ss o n t h e par t of t h e p at ie nt t o discu ss

his private life wi th his doct or wi th a view t o receivi ng i ntel

ligent advice and als o a di spo si t io n o n th e p art of educat e d
,

men and women to reveal their mi stakes o r successe s in sex

livi ng to tho se wh o will p roperly u se them as a b a sis fo r

instructio n to oth e rs who are pas si ng along the s ame road .

I t is ce rtain th at no m , att er how grea t the other mul t i

tu dino u s requi rements of t h e phy s icia n he will no t long be ,

ex cu sed fo r no t acquiri ng and j udiciou sly p r omulga t i ng t he

s alient t ru t h s of co rrec t sex livi ng ; and it is my belief t hat

t he legal ed u
,
cational mi ni sterial and o t her profe ssions will
, ,

no t long be condo ned by i ndividual p rivat e co nscie nce no r , ,

excu sed by public demand fr o m dut ie s to the race , acco rd

ing to thei r several lights in t hi s direct ion .

I t is th e autho r s hope that here and in his fo rme r book s

’

the busy p ro fe ssio nal m an unt augh t by c o llege of art s o r

,

s chool of medici n e th e real fu n,d a m e n t al fac t s of li fe ,

m ay
fi d
n a compe ndiu m of i nforma t io n co n ce rn i n g t he s e lo ng
n eglec t e d b u t nece s sa r y s t eppi n g s t o ne-s t o all k n owledg e a nd
a chieveme n, t also a r g u me nt a nd co nvi n ci ng proof t ha t t h e

dissemi nation of the t ru th s set forth is laudable and uccea

A b o ve all he desi res to so avoid a com plex t e rminology

th at, sh o u
i
ld the do cto r see and believe but not h ave t ime to
 P R EF A CE

N o t reat i se o n t he sex que st io n is complet e wi thou t an

exte nded co nsiderat ion o f t he art of love M y forme r books
.

o n sex, while o fte n b riefly deali ng wi t h some aspec ts of t h e

mechanical or physical side o f sex, have chiefly been co n

c erned wi th its psych o logy .

A bo o k , t o b e o f u se t o beginne rs in ma rria e, m u t be
g s ,

ve ry plain in its la nguage and ignore no de t ail T he o nly .

modern bo o k I kno w which atte mpts this is o ne for which

“
I wr ote an int ro duct ion several years ago Sane S ex L ife ,

and S a ne Sex L ivi ng ,

”
by H W Long M D It would be
. .
, . .

fo lly to attempt and I would no t have it thought that I

,

expect t o imp ro ve upo n t his book so far as it goes

, T he .

bo ok referred to however is very b rief deal s alm

, , , os t ex clu
sively wi t h t he mecha nical and phy sical s ides of sex gives ,

little by way o f illust rat io n fro m actual cases and refe rs ,

v e ry li ttle o r no t at all to the li tera t ure o n t hi s su bj ect .

While the book he re p resented will no t be an exhaus ti ve

t reat i se it is my pu rpo se t o t reat th e subj ec t adequa te ly fo r
,

all o rdi nary pu rpo s es to correla te th e psychic and phy s ical

,

s ides o f t he love rela t ion t o il lu st rat e de t ails t o some ext e nt

,

b y cases th at have come under my o wn observa t ion and to ,

d i s cu ss quotatio ns from the older li t erat ure o n the subj eet ; ’

f o r t he re is a lite rat u re o n t his subj ec t fairly comple t e

, ,

t h o ugh kept alm ost ent i rely from th e p rofe ssional and pub
lie e eye wh ile such book s o n th e rel at io ns of married peo ple
,

which have been generally known have deal t almos t ex clu

sively wi t h P lat onic relat io ns and aes the t ic co nsidera t i o ns ;

and such attem pts as have been made t o elucidat e t h e ac tual

p h y sic al sex rel atio n have been abst ract or general .

To sh o w t he psychic m o difi cat io ns t ha t mus t be ma d e in

the average young m an and w o m an and t hen t o show t he

,

h
p y s i cal ad ap tatio ns neces s a ry f o r th em to beco m e a nd
4 P refac e

remai n t rue married lovers is my present pu rpo se made

, ,

d iffi c ult by a deeply i nt renched ignorance and prej udice by ,

a whole psychology of erro neous sex t hi nki ng and by a ,

pathological physiology of married love N o t a week goes .

by in w hich I do no t fi nd couples lo ng married whos e , ,

psychic ba rr iers have never bee n broken down and whose ,

ignora nc e of th e physical adapt a t ions necessary for love s ’

perfect c onsu mmat io n is nothing short of ama z i ng .

If i gnorance w ere bliss it might be folly t o be wi se ; but

where ignora nce leads to p rost it ut ion divorce ill health , , ,

neurosis u nhappi ness it were be t t er t o be wise ev en at t he

, , ,

price or some shocks to the sensibili ties of th ose reared u nde r

and adheri ng to th e old t rad i t io ns .

A nd yet I shall sho w that while t he older idealis t ic writ

,

e rs left every t hi ng t o i ns t i nc t and made t he whole subj ec t of

married love so refined and remot e t hat few blu ndered i nto
right ways of physiological livi ng there w ere people who ,

lived ha p pily and physiolo gically t he re w as a lit erature

,

tw o t housa nd years ago so prec ise and complet e t hat had

,

it been heeded no o ne could have gone as t ray .

T he t e ndency of those student s who have note d th e disas

t ers a tte ndant upo n th e almo st ut te r neglect of th e art of
love in marriage is at p resent while givi ng i nst ruct ion which
,

is absolu t ely c o rrect t o make love in its co nsum

, mat ion so
b aldly physical or ma t e rial and all love s aspi r at ions s o ’

des t it ute of ideals that t he refined look upo n th eir te achi ngs
as sensual or salacious U ndoubted ly these c ri t icism s are
.

largely unj us t ; but it is hard ly possible t o di scuss t he

physical side of sex in its details whe n s hame p rudery and , ,

di sgus t as the re sul t of the sex tabu have so long exi st ed

, , ,

withou t o fl end ing many Such di scussions even take away

’
.

t he breat h of s ome who recogni z e t h e ho no r pu ri ty and , ,

beaut y of a legi t imate sex life and who are in dire st rai ts
for lack of adequat e direc t ions for livi ng such a life p ro perly .

We have long co nside red sex as t he depraved pa rt of o ur

na t u re
. M any people cons ider t h e psychic o r P la t o ni c
relat io ns of ma r ried people far above t heir physical sex

relat io ns and t hat th e fo rm

, er may be enhanced by sacri
fi cing t he la tter Some recogni ze th e legitimacy and uccea
.
 P reface

s i ty o f both the psych ic and t he physical while o t hers of , ,

inferior type have no desi re or abili t y beyo nd t he phy sic al
,

relation .

I have always ende avored in my wri t i ngs concerni ng sex, ,

t o expre ss my belief that t h e p sychic and phy sical went ha nd

in hand t hat wit hout physiological physical rela t io ns c o m
,

p l e t el y u nder s t ood a n d
.
properly p erformed there co ul d never
be pe rmanent i nte nse and ennobli ng psychic unio n All
, , .

e xpe rie nce s , of my o wn and o thers t end t o s h o w c o nclu ,

s ively t hat t he ero t ic physical plays j us t as legi t i m at e a part

in married love and is to be no more ashamed of th an t he
eret hic psychical .

T h e psychic yearni ng and associa t ion is mo re abidi ng

and sat isfyi ng and at it s bes t is so perfec t a commu nio n t ha t
,

w ere it possible for this rela t ion t o exis t w i t hou t the o t her
it might be co nsidered as all su flic ient and an end in i t self ;
-

bu t t his longi ng for super se nse t o t he excl u -

sio n of the sensu
ou s receive s a rude shock w hen co nfro nt ed wi th t he cert ai n

knowledge that t he soul affiliat io ns of mar riage c an never

attai n their highes t pla ne can seldom be reali zed at all and
, ,

if reali z ed c an neve r be permane nt wi thou t t he sensuou s as

recu rs or and accomp anist Y et t h e phy s ical if it is alone
p .
, ,

cou rt ed without higher a spira tio n yields selfish se nsual

, , ,

sat i s fac t io n alone which is i ncom p let e and u ne nduri ng

,
.

T he re h as been so mu ch neglec t of the physical side and ,

s o many evils and so much misery and u nh app i ne ss have

result ed t herefrom t hat it is perh aps na t ural that t here
,

should no w be a te ndency to apo theo si ze tha t side and omi t

considerat ion of th e o t her side e nt irely T hi s giv es a dis .

t o rted and i ncomple t e view of th e sex rela t io n very shock ,

ing t o t hose who have been in t h e habi t of looki ng at it o nly

from the p sychic side and wht have co nsi dered th e physical
an u nnecessary evil to be sco rned and ignored ,
.

My unenviable t ask is t o att empt t o present sex in its

ent r i e t y , in its t rue beau t y a n d in it s dual as p e c t t h e, physi
ca p
l art at leas t n ece ss ary f o r heal t h a n d ha p p i n es s as w ell
,

as n ece s sa ry for t h e perfec t io n of t h e p s v eh ic p a r t which ,

is the mos t n u n an
e d ri g d perma n e ntly s a t isfyi n g bo n d of m en

and w o m e n a n d t o s ho w th a t t h e p s ychic a n d phy s ical ele

 mnt s of the sex insti nct t aken to gether —
e Jo r they are insep
—are
.
,

ar able fundamental to our p ro gress in lite rat ure, altru

is m morali ty idealism and rel i gion and to o u
, , , , r co m p reh en ~

sio n and apprec ia t ion of na tu re and art and t o the perfect

,

re ali z a t io n of all t he real j oy s of m en a nd wo m en .

While this bo ok is wr i tten es pec i ally fo r the pro fession ,

it may seem exceedi ngly simple t o so m e m em bers o f all pm
fes sio ns Neve rth eless it may p ro ve o f use t o th ose wh ose
.
,

co rrec t early i nst ruction co mmon sense o r accurate inves

, ,

tigat io ns have re ndered it s t eachings su p er fl u o u s if it sh o w s

t hem the necessit y o f ex po u nding su ch teachings as it co n

t ai ns to th e large m aj o ri t y of marri ed fo lks . At the sam e
tim e the auth or is fully aware that the mass o f pro fessio nal
e ople h ave ill -d efi ned ideas o n th is sub j ec t, are hesit ant
p
abo u t teachi ng what t hey them selves really kno w a nd u
, nder
est im ate great ly th e d i st resses illnesses and infid elities
, ,

wh ich overt ake t ho se who woul d al way s rem ain happ il y m ar

ried if t hey und e rst o o d s om e of t hes e s imple fi rst principles .

Wh ile the aut ho r has made some spec ial st udy alo ng th es e
lines he does no t po se as an ab so lu
, te au tho rity no r speak
in any c ri t ical way o f th e failu re of the pro fession as a whole
to m aste r and teach the fac ts o f co rrec t sex living He.

thinks t hat in rece nt years the p ro fession has been ve ry

unj ustly co ndem ned from wi th in its o wn ranks Espec ially .

d o th o se u rb an s pec ial ists who co ndem n the general prac

t itio ner fail t o realis e t h at it wo u l d be o rd inarily u tte rly
impo ss ib le for th em to st ep into the sho es o f tho se sam e

g eneral pra c t i t io ne rs an d d isc h arge t h e ir d ut ies with any

ap p ro xim at ion to the celer it y exactness

, ,and hu manity
wh ich c h ar ac te rize the wo rk of th eir 11 1 11 1 b reth ren I n o ther
.

wo rd s ext end ed o bs e rvation is co nclu

,
s i ve to the el ect tha t
cit y m e n and s pec i alist s, while su ppo sedl y bett er t rained
are really becau , se of the fac ilities fo r a m ultipli catio n o f
j ud gments and a div is io n of respo ns ibility (an o ppo rtunity
to
“ a th e bu c k ”
s o t o s peak ) less relia bl e in em ergencies
p ss , ,

and at least as p ro ne to erro r in diagno sis and treatm ent at

B ut in th is matter of sex kno wled ge and inst ru

ctio n,
 P reface ll

wheth er the man be u rban or ru r al he is o rdi na ril y de st i

,

tu t e of m uch desirable knowledge and hes i t ant about using

what he h as and he mus t be absolved f ro m any blame f o r
,

th i s s i nce the ab surdly pmdish a tt i t ude of th e public ini

, ,

t iat ed and fos te red by the t eleological pronounceme nts of a

p re-
sc ien t ifi c era ,have made it we l l nigh i m po ssible if he
,

values his pro fessional standing for him t o acquire from ,

its fou nt ai n he ad normal man any k nowled ge of sex beyond

-
, ,

his o wn i ndividual experience and the perfect ly obviou s ; and

if by hook o r c rook he does acqui re any such knowledge and
att emp t to impa rt it even where mos t needed it is t a nt a
, ,

mount t o placi ng his social standing and his modest incom e

in j eopardy . P erhap s I should have used t he past t ense in
th e preced ing se nte nce for t here is at p res ent cert ai nl y a
,

great e r willingnes s o n the part of t h e pat ient t o discus s

his privat e life wi t h his doc t or wi t h a v iew t o receivi ng i nt el
ligent advice and also a di spo si t ion o n th e pa rt of educa ted
,

men and women to reveal thei r mist akes o r successe s in sex

living to tho se who will properly u se t hem as a bas i s for

instruc tio n to others who are pas si ng alo ng t he s ame road .

It is ce rt ai n th at no matte r how grea t t he o t her mult i

,

tu d ino u s req uirements of the physicia n, he will no t long be

excu sed fo r no t a cqui r i ng and judiciou sly p romulga t i ng the

s alient t ru th s of correct sex livi ng ; and it is my belief t hat

t he legal educ ational mi ni ste rial and o t her profes sions wi ll

, , ,

no t long b e condo ned by i ndividual p rivate co ns cience no r

, ,

excu sed by public demand fromduties t o the race acco rd ,

ing to their several lights in t his direct ion .

It is the autho r s hope th at here and in his fo rm

’
e r book s
the bu sy pro fessional m an u nt aught by coll ege of art s or
,

school of medici ne the real fundament al facts of life may

, ,

fi d
n a co m pe n dium of i nfo r ma t io n co ncern i ng t he se lo ng
negl ect ed bu t nece ssary st epping o e o all knowledge and
-st n s t

achievem ent al so argu

,
m ent and convi ncing proof that t he
di sseminat ion o f the t ru th s set forth is laudable and neces

Ab o ve all he desi res to so m

avoid a co ple x t e rm inolo gy
th ,
at s h o u
l d the do cto r see and beli eve but no t have t ime t o
3 P reface

full y xp o und these principles he may if he choo ses tu rn

e ,

any o f these boo ks o ver t o his p at i ents o r friends wi th the

knowled ge t hat in t he mai n be readable and u nder
st andable t o all manner o f m en a nd wom en
.
10 C o ntents

c um
X . How Sax a n sro ns Amsr . ar m War Tun
Inc u s sl :

XI F an : Lo vn Do c ramns
.
'
Di sc o urse , Dnr no un,
A ND Dnv rrs mzz n

III A P ao uao n
.
“
no n, AN D an Ar o mao sl s
'
or Lo w : 84 8

Gno sss nr

Law or B oo n

Imax
 R EVE R ENTAE E T APOLOGI
'

I would t hat I could pay fitt ing t ribut e to all forme r and
co nt empo rary ea rnest students of sex M any of them have
‘

carri ed to complet ion mo nument al works despit e t he great ,

o pprob rium in which t ill recently a ll such s tude nts and writ
ers have been held ,and in spi te of th e seriou s handicap
resul ting fro m t he great diflid enc e co nce rni ng sex matt ers

in gene ral which h as made i ndi v idual reticence in d isclosi ng

t h e int imat e facts of the sex life almos t u niversal among
refi ned people .

Wha t background could o ne have had who like my self , ,

f ou nd t he sex life all awry and who would atte mpt a solut io n
for self and ot he rs without the studies of Griesinger Fore] , ,

B loch M oll Freud Ellis Hall and numerou s others ? I

, , , , ,

confess that wi thou t t he humanist ic and sc ient ifi c inspira t ion

o f Hall s
’ “ ”
Adolescence I should pro bably nev er h ave wr i t
t en wha t when I fi rst saw t hat book was fo rming in the back
, ,

o f my mi nd . T his unchallenged ma ste r of genet ic p sychol

o gy , t his dean of i ndividual pedagogy t his pio neer i nt er,

re t r and i ns t ruc t or of t he adolesce nt mi nd h as I believe

p e , ,

done mo re t o s t imula te co rrect sex thought and act ion than

any ot her A me rica n ; and I say t hi s t hough he c ri t ici ses me ,

chiefly for my le niency t oward au t oerot ism .

Bu t had I th e i nspirat ion t o begi n I coul d no t h av e

o n e far wi t hou t t ha t mos t s c ient ifi c t rea t ise
“ S t udie s in
g ,
”
t he P sychology of Sex to which Havelock Elli s h as devoted
,

mo st of h is life work - .

P e rhaps I should no t exalt Hall and Elli s above others

whom I h ave and have no t named ; bu t fo r me t he se two were
t he great est sources of ea rly inspirat ion and i nfo rm at ion,
t hough la t er i ns pira t io n came from t h e s u ff e ri n g s of a
humani ty revealed and informat ion ac cumula ted from the
d vidual vela io of a
“cloud f wi t n e e ”
in i r e t ns o s s s .
 R evermtiae E t A po lo gia

-
m i s t h at
my i nt e rpretatio n of ts may se rve
fac
t o p i u
.
s
p g n s t o n e t o be t te r t
-
h 1 gs for t hose
r n o r als
h ave bee n impaired whose j oys have ,

i g n o r a nce .
"
r t O n c e agai n th e s c ient ifi c s h o rt com i ngs t he la
t ‘

t he ill arr ang m

n f t l c n
t o au t hori t ies
‘ ‘

e
c es , el
an d in com t e t reat me nt of this mos t u p o
i an d
p
’

l e ad
ple
—
in self ex t enuat io n th e eco nom i c
n
,
” 0 ,
Pro b l e n,
o f o ne whom college left o ne t ho u s anc
dp b t a
n d w ho s e professio nal educat io n afte r mar
d the
e 0 pm
d c w hose a fii a n ced was in t h
"V d o
1 o n e : ,
c t o
a ci y specialis t pr d s i ed h
.

r
, l nv J
.

n d t e e t n ,to e
a 'i ‘ 1 5 8
“w e n C h i l
" n r b u t who as ,wife gave bir t h t o £ 0 1

( 1 P e
n i n t he four years succeedi ng th eir

E
we n
t y -
t h r ee ; o ne whose avocat o ns o u
1,
m n e r al [ l e
00 1 1
r
u l u
i t side
i

( "
} 1
t i f a r i o s an d whose du ,t i es for lo n g p t
m w ha
t ex fa c t i
C a l prac t i se in a small commu nity hav e
n g o ne to whom t he proble m of a l
,
e
r ifl es
and
8 i x '
livi ng childre n has had all the usual
n v o
.

V et t i l v e d some of t he usual s ac r l fices

h
WS w
.

1 8
” O
i th is n o excuse w ha t ever for t h e v
ab s ,
0 1 u t e fi nalit that he h as liver be tt er p
h “ V‘ d c
y
;
,
’

Wh o ,
‘ 1 l
o re a n d be t t er work ( a n d t 1 e same a ]
1 3
s t ill h is ama nue nsis and who deplo r ,
.

n allusions ) thus hampered t hus h ,

aé
uld s a v t h Q
W ould say th u s b e t ifi c a ly S l t a e

"U l md 5 11
n
Q
,
h l c ml ss ib l l ave
,

o ne 1 g
t
l
j
le

the 8 6 t l l g i h h hi rd b eehs t i m ula t ed t o end

.
’

1 1 g
mm“ “a ‘ 0 f a Napoleon assis ted by t he wealth
L i
, ,
a p r i e h w isdom of h
l t h t p e c e
p t v b y t e 8 8 0

?
o fi l

q? a
i t i v it at io n which is well nigh a compu
ti l e
-

Ls f
e ‘ ‘ ,

e “ e si g t 3 t t o n a r row n e s s s e l fis h n e s s ,a n d p r o fl ,
12 R evermtiae E t A po lo gia

I have all through my wri t i ng i nveighed against dogma

t ism T he dogma t ism of t he early c hurch and t hat of p re
.

s c ient ifi c med i c i ne have each in t u rn come in for cri t ici sm ;

and yet I amse nsible that I m yself have been dogmat ic often ,

perhaps at t imes disagreeably so . Let me explain and

ap ologi z e as bes t I may .

I have endeavored never t o a sse rt th e u niversal ap pl i

ca b ilit y of any line of conduct looki ng t o a be tt er a h appier , ,

a more ideal of sex life which has arisen or could po ssibly

have arisen in my o wn consciou snes s Fu rth e r I have
.
,

endeavored never to subscribe fully to t he tenets of any man

whose philosophy h as b een based solely o n a prio ri re aso n
ing . I have alway s t ried t o gi v e weight o nly t o t he argu
ments of those whose assemblage of ac tual facts t ended t o
an obvious end . Wh en the mult itudi nous facts of the
numerous i nco ntes t able life s t o ries of rep rese nt at ive m
-
en and

women have all poi nted in o ne direct ion whe n by di rect st at e ,

ment or infere nce simil ar revelat io ns collect ed by othe rs hav e

corrobora ted my findings I have as sumed that an axiom was
,

e s t ablished . A xioms arrived at in this way I have used as ,

a basis for some dogmat ic s t at ements to adoles cent youth

and maidens t o t he i nevi tably si ngle and the u nhapp ily
,

ma rried I know no t if these axioms be axi o ms ; b ut yo u

.

have the facts o n which th ey are b as ed and t hey c annot be

d iscredi t ed si nce anyone of mode rate t rai ni ng and su
,
fi c ient
persis te ncy c an collec t as many more just like t hem If the .

reaso ni ng from t hese fac ts is faul t y , you are at l ibert y to

s ynthet i ze th em i nt o a fuller and better philo sophy No .

foreglimpse t ells me whether my doct ri nes which are by no ,

m n ea s u n ique , t hough u n que st io nably h a vi n g a prese n t a pp li

catio n will be of fu t ure value as guides to proper sexualit y .

Human na t ure is alway s being mo dified A mul t iple

,

c alled soma a n d a ge n e t ic psyche p r ed ica t e o n t,h e o ne ha n d

pha nt asm agorical o n the o ther almos t unnot iceable ch ange
, , .

An E i ns t ei n like
- t heo r y of re la t ivi t y which i nt r oduce s a
mt a erial fou r th dime n s io n may be a s sumed for t h e im m a
t r
e ia l a nd i n volve n o t,
o n ly all scie n ce, b ut al l life .

I am cont ent to leave it to the fu tu re to scrap outwo rn

or s upe rn ume r a ry p a rt s of my work . M y o nl v h o p e an d
 R everentiae E t A po lo gia 18

ambi tionis th a t my i nt e rpreta tion of facts may se rve as a

t ra ns ie nt s t eppi ng s t one t o bette r t hi ngs for those who se
-

health and morals have been impaired whose j oys have been ,

cu rt ailed by ignorance .

I regret o nce agai n th e sc ient ifi c sho r tcomi ngs the lack of ,

s pec ifi c refere nces t o aut hori ties t he ill ar ra nge me nt of

,

mate rial and incomplet e t reatment of this mos t i mpo rt a nt

s ubj ec t , and plead in s elf ex t enuat io n th e econo mic prob
,
-
,

l em t he problem of o ne w hom college left o ne t housa nd dol

,

l ars in debt and whos e profes sional educa t io n after marryi ng

doubled t h e de bt ; o ne who se aflianeed was in t he opi nio n of ,

cou nt ry doc t or and c ity specialist p rede s t i ned to chronic ,

ment al i nvalidism b ut who as w ife gave bi rth t o four of

,

t heir s even children in t h e four years s ucceedi ng their mar

r iage at t we nt y t hree ; o ne w hose avocat io ns ou t side medi
-

ci ne have been mult ifarious and w hose dut ies for lo ng period s
,

o f ge neral medical prac t i se in a small commu nit y have bee n

s ome w hat exac t i ng o ne to w hom t he proble m of a liberal

,

cul t ure fo r the six livi ng childre n has had all the us ual per .

l exities and i nvolved some of t he usual sacri fices

p .

A nd yet this excuse is no excuse w ha t ever for t he wri ter ,

k nows with absolut e finality that he h as lived better proba ,

b ly lo nger do ne more and bett er w ork (and th e same applie s

,

t o his wife who is s t ill his amanuensis and w ho deplores as

, , ,

usual h is pers onal allusions ) t hu s hampered thus ha ndi

, ,

c apped ,
as some w ould say thus beat ifi c ally sit uat ed he
, ,

would say t han he could po ssibly have done if he had

,

r emai ned si ngle ,t hough he had been s t imu la t ed to endeavor

b y t he ambit io n of a Napoleo n assis t ed by t he wealth of a
,

C roes u s made appercept ive by the w isdo m of a Solomo n

, ,

and t hough th e i nvi t a t io n w,hich is w ell nigh a compulsio n

-
,

o f t h e si ngle s t a te t o narro w nes s sel fis hnes s and p ro fl igacy

, ,

h ad b een resi sted .

 THE A R T O F LO VE

T
C HAP ER I

T HE KA MA
‘
SU T RA

T he re is a p eculi ar i rony in the inco nt estable fact th at

be fore monogamy had any recogni zed claim s o n man before ,

t here was any Chr is tian sanc t ifi cat io n of marr iage w hen ,

l icense co ncubi nage and all sexual i rregula ri t i es were mat

, ,

t ers of cou rse t here w as accurat e kno wledge and explici t

,

ins t ruc tion co ncerni ng t he ar t of love wi thou t which no ,

no rm al ma rried pai r c an be co nt inuou sly healt hy happy

—
and virt uous ; no r and I say it aft e r deliber at e thought
,

o n wha t I have lea rned from t h e s t udy of t he sex live s of

men and women for more t han a qua rt er of a century c an —

such a pai r pos se ss pe rmanent ly any o ne o f t hes e t hree

de si rable st a tes.

T h e iro ny is m anifes t wh en we co rrelate the fact of th e

upbuil di ng of monogamy of the Ch ri stia n sanct ifi catio n of
,

t he marriage fo r all time of o ne m an and o ne woman and ,

t h e re sul t i ng wo nderful s t ride s of t he human r ace t ow ard a

more perfect civ ili z at ion wi th th e ot he r equally obviou s fact
,

t ha t t he Ch ri stian t abu of sex the exho rtat ion to as cetici sm

, ,

making all sex ac t s a sin and all sex t hought and i nstruction
a disgraceful procedure are th e p redomi na nt facto rs if no t
'

, ,

t h e sole fact o rs which have caus ed o r are cau si ng in soci

,

e t y infi del it y divorce

,
free love p ropaganda neu ro sis insan
, , ,

ity and a general di srega rd fo r convent ional o r coercive

,

ma rriage which are so apparent to day and which are sou rces ,

of alarm t o all advocat es of happy home life of social b et ,

term e t,
n a nd of ge ne r al cul t u r e and t o a
,ll, Ch rist ian and
18 The il rt o f Loo c

a
i
m alike , who lo ol: fo rward to a high

This parad o x has been sho wn t o so e extent in y fo r er m

destiny fo r

m
man
m
wo rks, but will be ade m m
o re cl ear a s this w o rk p ro gresses .

F or ou r p resent u
p pr o se it is su fficie nt t o stat e that there
is a real ar t o f love to be learned by all who w o u ld be stro ng
and pro gressive en and wo mm en, true, pu re, happy , m arried

Despite the o ld t heo logical idea th at th e l o ve life was all

inst imtive, th at l o ve tho u ghts must be u nsp o ken and l o v e
acts u nseen, the m ere st t yr o o r t he m o st accom pl ished Do n
Ju an at large will ad m i t that go o d men and wo men are u ni
versa lly, unt il t aught by st udy and experience , utterly desti
tute of all bu t t he m o st su pe rfi cial know l edge of h o w t o lov e .

Bu t su ch kno wled ge is as necessa ry fo r the wife as fo r th e

co u rt esan It is mo re necessary if th e wife is to t riumph
.

ult imat ely and th e p ro stitute vani sh .

Wh ere sh all o ne go to seek kno wledge o f t he mech anical ,

the ph ysical , the natu ral the psych ic p ro cedu res t h at are
,

invo lved in the difi erent stages o f a co nsum mated love ?

B efo re au to m o biles were in vogu e when I needed a ho rse
, ,

Iinv ariably went t o the o ldest, t he largest , t he m o st ast ute

h o rsedealer avail able . Why no t in o ur begi nnings in the
art o f love go to th o se who we re no t ashamed of th i s who ,

fo llowed this as a religious rite who frankly made the funda

,

mental p ro cess o f life o ne o f the three main things in life ,

wh o st u died it seriou sly and exhau st ively wh o talk ed abo ut

,

it freely and sim ry

il a n d fe arlessly , w h o recogniz ed sense

l a u sexu a l plea su as inevita b le d esir able , a j oyful

p e s re , re , ,

facto r o f hu man life smiled upo n by the gods ?

,

The K am a Su tra o r aphori sm

, s of love , was wri t t en b y
Vats y ayana som
g

e sixteen h u nd red years ago This bo o k is .

a su mmary o f all the impo rtant parts of the Hindu literature

o n th e a r t o f l o v e p r ev iou s t o t h a t t ime . H e quo t e s f r o m a t
least t en difl erent auth o rit i es o n thi s s ubj ect, so m e o f who m
'

wro te several centu ri es befo re he did .

It is sa t fe o s ay t ha t bef o re t h e C h r i st ia n e ra ru l es fo r

th e co n ut o f
d c lov e rs w er e w r i t t e n o u t in pe r fe ct ly s i mpl e
 The K a a S utra m 19

l anguage th at could be u nde rst ood by all These rul es hav e .

been lost igno red withdrawn fro m ci rculat ion to such an

, , ,

ext ent t ha t only a few know of their exis te nce Years ago .

I re ad part of t he K ama Sut ra in Ge rman so I knew o f its ,

existe nce ; but needi ng it fo r my present pu rpo se I was o n

, ,

the lookou t fo r it t hrough dealers in ra re books for a year ,

and fi nally p aid sixt y -five dollars fo r a copy t hough it is a ,

li ttle bo ok o f les s t ha n two hu nd red pages which ordi na rily

should s ell f o r a dolla r and a half If it were so sold t o the
.

gene ral public t od ay in spi te of th e nonsensical remedies

,

ad vi sed in spi te of the seriou s d es c ript io ns of love charms

,

and phil t re s even t aki ng i nt o considerat io n its exaggera t ed

,

idea of th e val ue of some of the art s of love and wha t might ,

be c o nst rued as s ome e ncouragement t o prost it u tion and

erversio n I have n o t the sligh tes t doub t t hat it would pre
p ,

vent e ndless prost i t u t io n divorce ve nereal disease neu ro s is

, , , ,

and u nhappi ness and probably do mo re t o promote m

, ar
riage and happy home life tha n all t he advice of scient i st s ,

altrui st s and p reac he rs has do ne

“
, .

I amgoi ng t o quo te rather fully from th e K ama Su t ra ”

,

in o rder that the profe ssio ns may compa re its t eachi ngs wi t h
what I have said fo rmerly and what I say in the present
bo ok It will be s ee n I th i nk that the art of love thus
. , ,

des cribed b ut kept p ractically from all eyes is very l ike t he

, ,

art of love which I u rge aft er long yea rs of st udy of th e su f

ferings disha rmo nies and t ra ge dies in my o wn married life
, ,

and in t he lives of thousands of ot hers as the only way t o ,

make marriage a happy alluri ng Vi t ali zi ng permane nt , , ,

st a t e f o r m en and women .

Y et at th e p rese nt t ime no t o ne mar ried pair in t en k now ;

enough of these thi ngs to be enthusiastic suppo rt ers of
mat rimony ; and the few who do are those who in lat er life
h ave stumbled o n p roper sexual livi ng aft er years of th e ,

t ragedy of complete o r pa rtial ignorance .

O f course right no w a few are bei ng given necessa ry

inst r uc t io n s by pa re nt f r ie n d or
, p hy s icia n whose
, k nowl edg e ,

is ad equa te an d who s e s hame and prudery have be e n m as

ter e d e n o ugh t o all o w t hem t o speak .

20 The A rt o f Lo w

Let na remember in co nsideri ng th e “K ama Su t ra” th at

it w as th e w ork of deep religious impo r t, w ri tt en by a reli
g io us s t ude nt
.

T he au thor says co ncerni ng it and himself

“A t
f er readi ng and co nsideri ng the works of B abh r avya
and o ther a ncient au t hors , and t hi nki ng over t he meani ng
of the rules given by them , this t reat ise was composed ,
according to t he precep ts of the Holy Wri t, for t he benefit
of the w orld , by Vatsyayana, w hile leadi ng the life of a
religious stude nt at Benares , and w holly engaged in t he
co ntempla t io n of the Deity T his w o rk is no t t o be used
.

merely as an i ns t rument for sat isfying our desires A per .

s o n acquai nt ed wi th the t rue pri nciples of t his science w ho

,

preserves his Dharma (vi rtue or religiou s meri t ) , his A rtha

( w orldly weal t h ) a n d his K ama ( pleasure or se n sual gr at ifi
ca tion) , and who has regard to the cust oms of th e people, is
sure t o obt ai n the mas tery over his sense s In short , an i ntel
.

l igent and k no w i ng pe rso n, a tt e nding to Dha rma and A rtha

and also t o K ama , w i thou t becomi ng t h e slave of his p as
sio ns , w ill obt a in succes s in every thi ng that he ay do m .
”

P age 9 .

M an, t he period of w hose life is o ne hu ndred years, should

prac t ice Dha rma , A rtha , and K ama at di ff erent t imes and
in such a ma nner tha t t hey may harmoni ze t ogether and no t
clash in any w ay H e should acquire learni ng in his child
.

hood , in his you th and middle age he should a tte nd to A rt ha

and K ama , and in his old age he should perfo rm Dharma,
and thus seek t o gai n M oksha , i e , release from further
. .

t ra nsmigr a t io n . O r , o n accou nt of t he u ncert ai nty of life ,

he may pract ice them at times when they are enj oined to
be prac t iced . Bu t o ne t hi ng is t o be no t ed , he should lead
t he li fe of a reli gi o u s s tude nt unt il he fi nishes his educa t io n .

Dharma is obed ience t o t he comma nd of t he Shas tra o r

Holy W ri t of the Hi ndus t o do ce rt ai n thi ngs, such as t he
performance of sac rifices , which are no t generally done,
b ecau se they do no t belo ng to t his world , and p roduce no
v isible e ff ect ; and no t t o do ot h er th i ngs , s u ch as ea t ing
meat , which is often done becau se it belongs t o t hi s world,
and has vi sible efl ects
'

.
 T he K ama Sut ra 21

Dharm a sh o uld be learnt from t h e S h ru t i (Holy Wri t )

and from tho se co nver sa nt w i th it .

A rt ha is th e acquisi t io n of arts land gold catt le weal th

, , , , ,

equipages and f r iends It is furt her th e protect ion of

.
, ,

what is acquired and the i nc rease of w hat is pro tec t ed

, .

A rtha should be learnt from t h e ki ng s o ffi c ers and from ’

,

merchants who may be versed in t he ways of commerce .

K ama is t he e nj oyment of approp ria t e obj e cts by t h e

fi ve sensees of heari ng feeli ng seei ng t as ti ng and smelli ng
, , , ,

as sis ted by th e m ind t o geth er with t h e so u l T h e ingredie nt .

in t his is a peculiar cont act bet w ee n t he organ o f se nse and

its object and th e co nscious ness of pl e asure w hi c h arise s
,

f rom t ha t co nt ac t is called K ama .

“
K ama is t o be learnt from t h e K am a S u t ra ( aphori s ms
o n love ) and fro m t he prac t ice of c i t i z ens .

W hen all the three viz Dharma A rt h a and K ama co me

, .
, , ,

t oget he r the former is be tt er than th e o ne which fo llows it

, ,

i e Dha rma is be t te r th an A rt ha and A rth a is better than

. .
, ,

K am a B u .t A r th a should alw ays be fi rst p rac t iced by the

ki ng for the livelihood of man is to be obtai ned from it o nly
,
.

A gai n K ama bei ng t he occupa t ion of public w omen t hey

, ,

should prefer it to th e o t her tw o and the se are except ions,

t o the ge neral rule .

Ohj ac tion

Some learned men say t hat as Dharma is connect ed w ith

t hi ngs no t belongi ng t o t his world it is appropri at ely trea t ed
,

o f in a book ; and so al s o is A rt ha because it is pra c t iced ,

o nly by t he applicat io n of proper means and a knowledge of ,

t hose means c an o nly be obtai ned by study and from book s .

Bu t K ama b e i ng a t hi ng which is prac t i c ed eve n b v th e

b ru t e crea io
t n an ,d which is t o be fou nd every w here d oe s
,

no t want any work o n th e subje ct .

A ns wer

This s no t so
i S x
e u al in
. t e rco urs e b e in g a t h in g d ep e n d
ent o n an nd am w o a n r e u irems t h e a pp lq
ic ati o n o f p pro e r

m eans by t hem and t hose

,
m e a ns a re t o be lear n t from t h e

m h
K a a S ast ra T he n .o n -
applica t ion of prop e r mea n s,
22 The Art o f Lo vs

which we see in t he bru te c reati o n is caused by th ei r being ,

u nrestrai ned and by the fem ales among th em only being fi t

,

fo r sexual i nt ercourse at ce rt ai n se aso ns and no mo re and ,

by their inte rcourse no t being p receded by tho ught o f any

kind .

O f Sexual U nion ,

K i nds of sexual union acc o rd ing t o

( )
a D im e ns io ns .

b
( ) Force of de s i re o r p as sio n .

( )
c T i me .

M an is d ivided int o th ree cl asses, the hare

viz . , m
an, the
bull man, and th e h o rse m an, ac co rding t o t he s ize o f his

Woman also acco rding to the depth of her yoni, is either

, ,

a female deer a mare o r a fem

, , ale elephant .

T here are th us h ree equal unions between pers ons o f c o 1

t ~

res po nding dimens ions and t he re are six u

, nequ al u ni o ns,
when the d imensions do no t co rrespond , o r nine in all, as th e
f ollowing table sh o ws :
Eq ual
Wo m an Man Wo man
Deer Hare Mare
M are H are E lephant
Elephant B ull Deer
B ull E leph ant
Ho rse Deer
H o rse M are
I n t hese unequ al u ni o ns, when th e m ale exceeds t he fem al e
in po int o f si ze h is u ,ni o n wit h a wo m an who is im mediately
next t o himin siz e is called high u nion and is o f two kinds ; ,

wh ile his unio n with the woman most remo te fro mhimin size
is c alled the highest u ni o n and is o f o ne kind o nly
, Outhe .

o th er hand when the fem ale exc eeds the male in o int o f
,
p
s i z e her u
, ni o n wi th a m an im m edi ately next t o her i n size is

c alled low uni on, and is o f two ki nds ; while her u ni o n with
am an m o st rem ote fromher in size is called the lowest u nion,
and is o f o ne kind o nly .
24 The A rt o f Lo ve

males simply move t heir desire while the females fro m

re , ,
th eir consciousness of desi re feel a ce rt ai n kind of pleas ure
, ,

which give s them sa tisfac t ion but it is impo ssible for them t o
,

te ll you w ha t ki nd of pleasure t hey feel Th e fac t from .

which t his becomes evide nt is tha t males when e ngaged in

,

c o it ion cease of t hemselves afte r emissio n and are s atisfi ed

, , ,
bu t it is no t so wi th females ”
.

T his opinion is however obj ec t ed to o n the gr ou nds that

,

m
,

m
if a ale be lo ng-ti ed , the fe ale lo ves him t he o re, butm m
-
m
if he be sh o rt ti ed , she is d issatisfied with hi A nd this m .

i
c rcumstance , some say, would prove th at th e female emits
a so .

But this o pi nio n does no t hold good , fo r it t akes a lo ng

m
t i e t o allay a wo m an s d esire, and duri ng thi s t ime she is
’

en j oyi ng great pleasu re it is quite natural that she should

,

w ish fo r its cont inuat ion

.
A nd o n t hi s subj ect t here is a
.

v erse as follow s
“B union wi th men t he lust desire or pas sion of wo m an
y ,

is sat isfi ed and th e pleasure derived from t he co nscious nes s

,
”
o f it is called their sat isfact ion .

T he followers of B ab h ravya how ever say t hat the seme n , ,

o f wome n cont i nue s t o f a ll from the begi nni ng of the sexual

union t o its end and it is righ t th a t it sho uld be ao for if
, ,

t hey had no seme n t here would be no embryo .

T o thi s t here is an obj ect io n I n the be ginni ng o f coi t io n

.
.

t h e pa ssio n of the woma n is middli ng and she cannot bea r ,

t he vigo rou s th rus ts of her lover b u t by degrees her pa ssion

,

increase s unt il she ceases to th i nk abou t her body and t hen ,

fi nally she wishe s t o st op from fu rther coi t ion .

T his obj ect io n howeve r does no t hold go o d fo r even in

, , ,

o rd inary t hi ngs which revolve wi t h gre a t force such as a ,

o e wheel or a we fi d ha h e mo t io n at fi rst is
’
p rt r s , t o
p n , t t t
s low b u , t by degre e s it become s very rapid In the same w ay .

th e pa s sio n of t h e woma n havi ng g r adually i nc r eased sh e ,

h as a desi re t o disco ntinue coi t io n when all the seme n h as ,

falle n away And t he re is a verse wit h regard to th is as

.

foll o ws
“The fall of the semen o f t he man takes p lace only at the
end o f coi io
t n wh ,
ile th e seme n of t h e w oma n fa ll s c o nt i n u
 The Kama Su
t ra 25

ally , and afte r the emen of bo th h as all fallen away then

s

t hey wish for t he discont i nua nce of coition ”

.

L ast ly Vat sy ay ana is of O pi nion that t he semen o f th e

,

f emale falls in the same way as that of th e male .

Now someone may ask here : If men and women are

bei ngs of the same kind and are engaged in bringi ng abo ut
,

t he sa m e result why should t hey have di ffe rent wo rks to do ?

,

Vat sya s ay s t ha t t his is s o b eca u s e th e way s of wo rki n

g
as well as the consciou sne ss of pleasu re in m en and w o m en
are di ff erent .T he di ff e rence in th e ways o f wo rki ng b y , .

w hich the m en are t h e ac t ors and w o men are the pe rso ns

,

act ed upo n is owi ng to the nature of the male and female

, ,

o the rwise the ac t or wo uld he so me t imes the pe rson act ed

upon, and vice vers a A nd from this di ff erence in the ways
-
.

o f working fo llow s th e di ff erence in t h e cons cious ne ss o i

“
pleasure for a man thi nks T his wom an is u ni ted with me ”
“
, , ,

and a woma n thi nks , I amu nit ed wi th thi s m

”
an .

It may be said t hat if t h e ways of wo rki ng in men and

w ome n are di ff ere nt why should there no t be a difl erence,
'

e ve n in t he plea sure they feel a ,nd which is the resul t of those

ways ?
Bu t thi s obj ec t io n is gro u ndle ss for the pe rson act ing and
,

the per so n ac t ed upon bei ng of di ff erent ki nds, the re is a

r easo n fo r the di ff e re nce in thei r ways o f wo rk ing ; bu t there
is no rea son fo r any di ffe rence in t he ple asure they feel ,
becau se they both natu rally derive pleas ure from the act they
perform .

O ut his again so me m ay say that wh en difi erent persons are

en gaged in do i n g t h e s ame work we
, fi n d t h a t t hey a e co m
p li s h t h e s ame e n d o r p u rpo se ; while ,o n t h e co nt r a ry , in
th e ca s e of m e n a nd wome n we fi n d t ha t e a ch of t h em a e c o m
l ish es h is o r h er o w n separ a t ely a n d t hi s is i n co n s i st e n t
p
.
,

Bu h
t t is s i a mi s ta ke f o
, r we fi n d t ha t s om e t i m e s t w o t h i ng s

are done at th e s ame time as fo r ins t ance in the fi ghting of

,

r m
a s,
bo t h t h e ram s r eceiv e th e shock a t t h e s a me ti me o n
t hei r head s . A gai n , in t hrowi n g o n e wood apple a g a in s t
anothe r and als o in a fight or st ruggle of wrestle rs I f it .

be said that in t hese c ases the things emplo yed are o f the
,

sa me kin , it d is a n sw e r ed t h a t i n t he c a s e o f m e n a n d
26 T he A r t o f Lo ve

women the na t u re of the two persons is the same A nd as

, .

t h e di ff erence in their way s of w orki ng a rises f rom t he di ff e r

e nce of their conformat io n o nly it follows tha t men experi ,

e nce the s ame ki nd of pleasure as women

“
.

T here is als o a verse o n t his subj ec t as foll ows : M en

and wome n bei ng of t he same nat u re feel the s ame ki nd of ,

p l ea s ure and ,t herefore a m an should marry such a woma n

”
as will love him ever afte rwards .

T he pleas ure of m en and women bei ng t hu s p roved to be

o f t he s ame ki nd it foll ow s that in regard t o t ime t here are

, ,

nine ki nds of sexual i nte rcourse in t h e same way as t here are

,

ni ne ki nd s accordi ng t o the force of pas sion .

T he re bei ng thus ni ne k inds of u nion wi t h regard t o d im en

s io ns force of passio n and time resp ect ively by maki ng

, , , ,

combi nat ions of t hem i nnumerable kind s of union would be

,

prod uced Therefo re in each p art icu

.
,l ar kind o f sexu al unio n
men sho uld us e such means as they th ink suitab le fo r the
o c casio n .

At th e first t ime of sexual u nio n th e pa ssio n o f the male is

int e nse , and h is t ime is sho r t, bu t in subse uent u nions o n q
t he s ame day the reverse of t his is the ca se Wi th the .

f emale , however, it is th e co nt rary , for at the first t ime her

passion is weak , and the n her t ime long, but o n subsequent
occasio ns o n t he same day her passion is i nt ense and her time
s h o rt unt il h er pa ssio n is sat isfi ed .

The Wo rk o f M an
Wh ateve r is do ne by a man for givi ng ple asu re t o a
woman is called the w ork of a man and is as follows : ,

Wh ile the woman is lyi ng o n his bed and is as it were , , ,

abs tr a ct ed by this co nversat io n he should loo sen t he k no t of

,

her u ndergarments and w hen she begi ns t o disput e w ith him

, ,

he should overwhelm her wi t h ki sse s T hen when his lingam .

‘
N o ts o ] t h e trans lator Th is
p ar ag p
r a h s h o u l d b e p a rt ic ula r ly n o t ed
any m
,

f o r it special ly appl ies to m ar ried m So m

.

en and th e ir w ives en

ut te rly igno re the feel ings o f th e wo man, and never pay th e sligh test
.

at t ent io n to th e passio n o f the l atter To u

. nd erstand the su bj ec t
t h o ro u h
g yl it is ab so lu te l y n ec e ss ar y t o st ud y it an d t he n a pe rso n w il l
m m
, ,

k no w that as do u g h is p p
r e a re d for b a k ing so u c h a w o an b e p r e
m m m
,

p a r ed [ o r n a e ! ia t src os s, if sh s is to d s ri o s sa ti sf a ct io n f ro i s .
 m
The K a a S utra 27

is e rec t he should t ouch her w i th his hands in vario us places ,

and ge ntly ma nipula te various parts of th e body If t he .

woman is bashful and if it is the fi rst ti me that t hey have

,

come t ogether the man should pla ce h is ha nds bet ween her
,

t highs which she w ould probably keep close t o ether and if

,
g ,

s h e is a very you ng girl he should fi rs t et h is h ands upo n

g ,

h e r breas ts whi c h she would probably c o ver w i t h her o wn

,

h a nds and u nder her armpi ts and o n her nec k

, If how .
,

e ver, she is a seaso ned w om an he should do w h atever is ,

agreeable ei th er t o him or to her and what ever is fit t in for

g ,

t he occasio n A f t er this he should t ake hold of her h air and

.
,

h old her chi n in h is fi ngers for th e pur p o se of kis si ng her .

O n t his if she is a you ng girl she w ill bec o me b ashful and

, ,

c lose her eyes A nyhow he should ga t her from th e ac t ion of

.
,

t he woma n w ha t thi ngs w ould be pleasi ng t o her duri ng c o n

g ress .

Here Suvarnanabh a says that while a man is doi ng t o t he

w oman w ha t he likes bes t duri ng co ngres s he shou ld alway s ,

make a poi nt of pres si ng those part s of her body o n which

s he t urns her eye s .

T he si gns of the e nj oyme nt and sa t isfac t io n of t he woman

are as follo w s : her body relaxes she closes her e y es she puts , ,

aside all bashfulnes s and shows i ncreas ed w illi ngness to

,

uni te the t wo organs as closel t oget her as p ossible O n the

y
.

o t her hand th e signs of her w a nt of e nj oyme nt and of faili ng

,

t o be s at isfi ed are as follo w s : she shak e s her h ands she does ,

no t let th e m an get u feels dej ec t ed bi t es th e m an ki cks

p , , ,

h im and co nt i nue s t o go o n movi ng aft er th e man has fin

,

ish ed . In s uch c ases t he man should rub t he yoni of the

w om a n w i th h is hand s and fi nger s ( as the elep h a nt rubs any
t hi ng w i t h his t ru nk ) before enga gi ng in co ngress unt il it is
s oft e ned and aft er t ha t is done he s h ould proceed t o p u
,
t h is
lingam i nt o her .

Wo man A c ting the P art o f a M an

When a woma n see s th a t h er lover is fat i gued by const a nt

congres s wi thout h avi ng his desire sat isfied she should w ith
, , ,

h is pe rmi s sio n lay h im do wn upo n h is

,
bac k an d g ive h im ,
28 The A rt o f L o ve

assistance by act ing his pa rt She may also do thi s to satis fy .

t h e cu riosi t y o f her lover o r her o wn de sire of novelty

, .

T here are t wo w ays of doi ng t his ; t he fi rst is when du ri ng

c o ngress she t urns round and get s o n t he t o of her lover in
p ,

such a ma nner as to co nt i nue th e congr ess w i th out obstruc t ,

ing the pleas ure of it ; and the ot her is when she ac ts t he

’
ma n s pa rt from t he begi nni ng A t such a t ime wit h d owers .
,

in her hair hanging loose and her smile s b ro ken by hard ,

b rea thing she should press upon her love r s bosom wi t h her
,
’

o wn brea sts and loweri ng her head f reque nt ly should do in

,

re turn th e s ame act ions which he u sed to do before ret u rni ng ,

his blows and chatting him should say “ I was laid down by
, ,

y o u, a nd fa t igued wi t h h ard co ngres s I shall n o w t he re fore ,

”
lay you down in retu rn She should then agai n ma nifest
.

he r o wn bashfulnes s h er fat igue and her des i re o f sto ppi ng

, ,

c o ngress .

H are t o B egin and H ow to End the Congress

I
n the pleasu re-ro om , decora t ed wi th d ower s, and fragr ant
with perfumes attended by h is frie nd s and se rv ant s th e
, ,

cit ize n should receive t he woman who will come bathed ,

and dress and will i nvi te her t o t ake refreshment and to

,

dri nk freely He should then sea t her o n his left side and
.
,

holding her h air and t ouchi ng al so the end and knot and end
,

of her garment he should gently embra ce her with his right

,

arm T hey should t he n ca rry o n an amusi ng co nversa t ion

.

o n various subj ec ts and may also t alk s uggest ively o f thi ngs
,

which would be conside red as coarse o r no t to be ment ioned ,

generally in society T hey may t he n sing eit he r with o r

. ,

without ges t iculat ions and play o n musical inst rument s t alk
, ,

abo ut th e a rt s and pe rsuade each other to d rink A t last

,
.

when t he woman is overcome with love and desire the ci ti zen ,

should di smi ss the people tha t may be w i t h him giving t hem ,

d owe rs ,
oi n t me nt and be t el le a
,
ves a nd t he n wh e n t he t w o ,

are left alone they should p roceed as h as bee n al ready

,

described in the p reviou s ch ap t e rs .

Such is the begi nni ng of sexual u nio n At the end of the .

congress the lovers wit h m o desty and no t looking at each ,

- o m
, ,

o ther, s o u go
h ld sep aratel y t o t h e w ash ing r o A fte r th is , .
 The K ama Sutra

sitt n
i g in thei r pl aces they should eat some betel leaves
o wn , ,

and t h e ci t i z e n should apply wi t h his o wn hand t o the bo dy

o f the w oman s ome pu re sandal wood oi ntme nt or oint me nt
,

o f s ome ot her ki nd H e should the n e mbrace her wi t h h is

.

l eft arm an d wit h agree able words should cause her to d ri nk

,

from a cup held in his o wn hand or he may give her wa ter to ,

d ri nk . Th ey c an then eat swee tmeat s or anyt hi ng else , ,

accordi ng to t heir liking and may dri nk fres h j ui c e soup

, , ,

gruel ext rac ts of mea t and may d rink fresh j uice soup
, ,
‘

, ,

t he ext rac t of t h e j uice of the ci t ron t ree mixed wit h sugar ,

o r any thing t hat may be liked in di ff erent cou nt ries and ,

kno wn to be sweet soft and pure , T he lovers may also s it

, .

o n t he t errace of t he palace or house and e nj oy t h e moo n ,

l ight and carry o n agreeable co nversat ion

, A t this t ime .
,

t o o while the woman lies in his lap w i th her face t o w ards

, ,

t he moon the ci t i zen should show her t h e di fferent planets

, ,

t h e morni ng s tar t he polar st ar and t he seven Rishis or

, , ,

G rea t Bear .

T his is th e end of sexual u nio n .

Co u
r tsh ip and M arriage

A girl should be taken as a wi fe as also given in marriage , ,

w he n fo rtune signs omens and t h e words of o t hers are

, , ,

favorable for says Gho takamukh a a man should no t marry

, , ,

at any t ime he likes In th e same way a girl who is called

.

t he name of o ne of th e t w e nty seve n s t ars or by the nam -

e of ,

a t ree or of a rive r is co nsidered worthle ss as al s o a girl

“
, ,

t some au
”
w hose name end s in r or Bu thors say t hat
prospe rity is gai ned o nly by marryi ng that gi rl t o w hom o ne
b eco m es attached and tha t t herefore no other girls but the
,

o ne who is loved should be married by anyo ne .

When a girl becomes mar riage able her pa rents should

d ress her smartly and should place her where she can be
,

easily seen by all Every aft e rnoon havi ng dressed her and
. ,

decorated her in a becomi ng manner t hey should send her ,

wi th her female comp anio ns to s port s s ac rifi ces and mar , ,

riage ceremo nies and th us,

sho w her t o adva n ta ge in s ocie t y ,

because she is a kind of m ercha ndise T hey should als o .

i
rece ve wi th k i nd wo rd s an d sig ns of f r ie ndli ne ss t h o s e of a n
80 The Ar t o f Lo ve

au spicious appeara nce who may come accompa nied by their

f rie nds and rela t io ns for t he pu rpose of marryi ng their
da ught er and under some p ret ext or ot her havi ng fi rst
,

dressed her becomi ngly should t hen prese nt her t o them , .

A ft er t his t hey sho uld awai t t he pleasu re of fo rt u ne and ,

wi t h t his obj ec t should appoi nt a fu ture day o n which a

de te r m i na tion could be come t o w i th regard t o their daugh
’
t er s marriage O n t his occasio n whe n the persons have
.

c ome t he p are nt s of th e girl s hou

, ld ask them t o bathe and
“
dine and should say Everythi ng will t ake place at th e
, ,
”
proper t ime and should no t t hen comply wi t h the reques t
, ,

bu t should se tt le t h e mat ter la t er .

Whe n a girl is thus acquired ei ther according t o the c us

t o m of t he cou nt ry or ac c ordi ng t o his o wn desire th e m
, an ,

should marry her in accordance wi th th e precepts of th e

Holy Wri t accordi ng t o o ne of t he four ki nd s of marriage
, .

T hus ends marriage .

T he re are some verse s o n the subj e ct as follow s

A museme nt in society such as complet i ng verses begun ,

by others ma rriages and auspicious ceremo nies sh ould be

, , ,

c a r ried o n nei ther w i t h superiors no r i nferio rs b u t wi th , ,

equals T hat should be known as a high conne ct ion when

.

a man after marryi ng a gi rl has t o serve her and her rela

, ,

t io ns aft e rward s l ike a servant and such a connec t io n is ,

c ensured by the good O n the other ha nd t hat reproach .

,

able connect io n where a man t oget her wit h his rela tio ns
, , ,

lords it over his wife is called a low connect ion by the wi se

,
.

Bu t whe n b o th the m an and the wo m an af o rd m utual plea:

uie t o eac h o ther and where t he relat ives o n both sides pay
'

respect to o ne another such is called a connect ion in th e ,

proper sense of the word T herefore a man should contact .

nei t h e r a high co nnec t io n by which he is o bliged t o bow

down afterwa rds t o his ki nsmen no r a low co nnec tion which , ,

is u niversally reprehended by all .

A poor man po s se s s ed of good quali t ies a ma n bo rn of a ,

lo w family po s se s sed of mediocre quali t ie s a neighbor p o s ,

se ss ed of wealth and o ne unde r th e co nt rol of his father

, ,

mo t her or brothe rs should no t marry wi thou t endeavori ng

m
,

‘
0 gai n over t h e girl f r om h er ch ildho o d t o love and e st ee
82 The Art o f Lo ve

s igns of i ncreasi ng he should relate to her agreeable sto ries if

s he ex ressee s a wish to hea r such narra t ives O r if she t akes
p .

d eligh t in lege rdemain he should ama z e her by performi ng

,

various t ricks of j ugglery ; or if she feels a great curiosi ty t o

s ee a pe r forma nce of th e variou s a rt s he should show his
,

o w n skill in t hem .When she is deligh t ed wi th si ngi ng he

s hould e nte rt ai n her wi th music and o n cert ai n days and at
, ,

t h e t ime of goi ng t ogethe r t o moo nlight fairs and fes t ivals ,

and at th e t ime of her re t urn after being ab sent from home ,

h e should present her wi t h bouquet s of fl o wers and wi th ,

chaplets for the head and w it h ear o rnament s and ri ngs for ,

t he se are the proper occas ions o n which such t hings should

b e presented .

H e should also t each the d aughter of th e girl s nurse all ’

t he six t y four mea ns of pleasure prac t i sed by m

-
en and under
,

t his pret ext should also i nform her of his grea t skill in th e
art of sexual enj oyment . A ll t hi s t ime he should w ear a fine
d re ss and m ake as good an appeara nce as possible for
, ,

young women love men who live w i th t hem and who are hand ,

s ome good looki ng and well dressed

, . A s for the sayi ng th at
t hou gh wome n may f all in love t hey still make no effort
,

t hemselves t o gai n over t he obj ec t s of t hei r a ff ect io ns that is ,

o nly a matter of idle t alk .

Now a girl al w ays shows her love by outw ard signs and
—
ac t ions such as the fo ll o w ing z She never looks th e m an in
t he face and becomes abashed whe n she is looked at by h im;
,

unde r some pretext or o ther she shows her limb s to him ;

s h e look s secre tly at h imt hou gh he h as go ne away from her
s ide ; ha ngs down her head when sh e is asked some ques t io n

by him and a nswers in i ndis t i nct wo rds and unfinished sen

,

t ences deligh ts t o be in his comp any f o r a lo ng t ime speak s

, ,

to h e r a t ten da nt s in a peculiar t o n e w it h t he hope of a tt rac t

ing his tt n a e t io n t o ward her whe n she is at a di st a n ce fro m
h im doe s no t wi sh t o go from th e pl ace where h e is u nde r
, ,

s ome p re t ex t o r o t her sh e make s hi m look a t di ff e re n t t hi ng s ,

n arra t es to him t ales a nd s to r ie s very s lowly s o t ha t s h e may

co nt inue conversi ng wi th him for a lo ng time kisses and ,

e mbrac es him before a child si t t i ng in her lap s

, draws or n a
mnte al marks o n t h e foreheads o f h er female se r v a n t s
pe,r
 The K ama S utra 83

form s spo rtive and graceful movements when her atte ndant s
speak j es t i ngly t o her in the presence of her lover, co nfides in
’
her lover s friends and respects and obey s them shows kind
, ,
nes s t o h is serva nts co nverse s wi t h t hem and en ages t hem
, g ,

t o do her w ork as if she were th eir mi st ress and li st ens ,

attent ively t o themwhen they t ell s to rie s about her love r t o

somebody else enters his hou se when induced to do so by the
,

daughter of her nu rse , and by her as sist ance manages t o

conve rse and play wi th him avoids being seen by her lov er
,

whe n she is no t dre ssed and decorat ed gives him by t he ha nd ,

of her female friend her ear orname nt ri ng or garland of , ,

flo wers tha t he may have asked t o see always wea rs a nyt hi ng ,

t hat he may have pre se nte d t o her become s dej co t ed whe n ,

any othe r bridegroom is me nt ioned by her parents and doe s ,

no t mix wi t h t hose who may be of h is party or who may ,

suppor t h is claim s .

T here are also some verse s o n the subj ect as follows

A man who has seen and perce ived the feeli ng of t he girl
,

t owards him and who has not iced the ou twa rd signs and
,

moveme nts by which these feelings are exp ressed should do ,

every thi ng in his power t o eff ect an u nion wi th her H e .

should gai n over a you ng gi rl by childlike spo rts a da msel ,

come of age by his skill in the a rts and a gi rl t hat loves h im

,

by having recours e to persons in whomsh e c o nfides .

Creating Co nfid enc e in the Girl

For the fi rst th ree day s after marri age the girl and her ,

husband should sleep o n the fl o o r abs t ai n from sexual plea s

,

ures and eat t hei r food wi thou t seas oning it ei ther wi th

,

a lk ali or salt F o r the next seven days they should bathe

.

amidst t he s ou nds of auspiciou s mu sical ins t rume nts should ,

decora te themselves dine t ogether and pay atte ntio n to thei r

, ,

rela t ions as well as t o t ho se who may have come to wi t nes s

th eir marriage Thi s is applicable t o pe rsons of all c a st es

‘

. .

O u t he night o f the t enth day t he m an should begin in a

lonely place wi th soft wo rd s and t hu s c rea te c o nfi denc e in
,

t he girl. Some aut ho rs say tha t fo r the pu rpose of win

ni ng h er over he sh o uld no t speak t o her fo r th ree day s bu t ,

the follo wers o f B abhravya are o f the o p inio n th at if the

 The Art o f L o ve

up o n he r thighs and sh amp o o them and if he su , c ceed in t h is

he sho u ld the n sh am p o o t h e j o in t s o f h er th ig h.s If she t rie s
to preve nt him doi ng this he should say to her, Wha t ha rm
is t here in doing it ? and sho uld persuade her t o let himdo it .

A f ter gaining th is p o int h e sh o u ld t o u c h he r private par ts ,

should loose n her girdle and th e knot of her dress and t u rn ,

ing up her lower garment should shampoo the j oi nts of her

naked thighs U nder v a rious pretences he should do all
.

t he se t hi ngs bu , t he sh o u l d no t at th at tim e b egin a c tu al

c o ngress . A fte r thi s he should t e ach her the six t y four art s, -

should t ell her how much he loves her , and describe to her
t he hope s which he had formerly e ntertai ned regardi ng her .

He sho u ld al s o p ro mise t o be fait hful t o her in the fu t ure ,

and sh o uld dispel all her fears wi th respec t to rival women ,

and , at las t , hav ing overcome her bashfulness , he should

begi n to e nj oy her in a way so as no t to frighten her S o .

much about cre at ing co nfi dence in t he girl ; and there are,

moreove r, some versees o n th e subj ect as follows
A m an act i ng accordi ng t o t he i ncli nat io ns o f a girl should
t ry and gai n her over so th at she may love him and plac e
h er c o nfidenc e in him . A m an d o es no t su c c eed eith er b y

im p li c it ly f o llo w in g
/ t h e in c lin a ti o n o f a gi,rl o r b y w h o ll y
o pp o sing her cm , d he sho u l d therefo re ad ap t a m id d le co u rse .

H e who knows how t o make himself beloved by woman, as

well as to i ncreas e their honour and creat e c o nfi denc e in
them t hi s m
, an become s an o bj ect of t heir love . Bu t he
who neglec ts a girl t hi nki ng she is t oo bashful , is de spi sed
by her as a beas t ignorant of th e worki ng of the female mi nd .

M o reover a girl forcibly cuj o yed by o ne who does no t u nder

,

stand t he he art s of gi rl s becomes nervous , uneasy , and

dej ected , and suddenly begins to h ate the man w ho has t ake n
adva nt age of her ; and the n whe n her love is no t u nders t oo d
,

or re t u rn ed ,s h e s i nks i n t o despo n de n cy , a nd become s ei t h er

a h at er of ma nki n d al t og e t her , o r , h a t i n g h e r o w n m a n, sh e

h as recou rse t o other men .

TH E WO R K S OF AR IS TO T LE

“
I have ano t he r book e nt itled T h e Work s of A risto tle , T h e
F am
”
ou
s P hil o so ph e r, in F o u r P arts, purpo rt ing to co ntain :
 The K ama Sut ra 87

( )
1 H is Complete M a st e rpiece ; displaying t he secrets
of Na ture in t he Generat io n of M an T o which is added .
,

T he Family P hysicia n bei ng approved remedies for t he sev

,

eral dis tempers i ncident to t h e human body .

( ) His Experienced M idw ife ; absolu te ly necessary fo r

2
Surgeons M i dwives Nurses and child beari ng Wome n
, ,
-
.

( )
3 His Book of P rob l em s co nt aini ng v arious Ques t io ns
,

and A ns w ers rela t ive to th e S t at e of M a ns B o dy

, .

( )
4 His L as t L egacy ; u n f o l d i ng t h e S e c re t s of Na t ure
”
respect ing the Generat ion of M an .

T he new edi t ion which I ha ve was publi shed in the year

1 83 1 .

Of course this book was no t w ri tten by A ris to tle but cer ,

t ai n part s of it were Cert ai nly it was his spirit of pains

.

t aki ng s tudy of nat ural phe nome na and of reaso ni ng o n th e

derived fa c t s which i nspired t he au thor and o th er physicians ,

f o r he was evidently a physicia n t o s t udy these p rimal phe

,

mo mena of hu man life and t o te ach man to a p pl y art w here

his a p rio ri reasoni ng could no t fill the void left by forgot
t en i ns t i nc t s
.

I suppose that even in tha t d ay it was necessary for th e

real au t h or t o be a no nymo u s or he m igh t have been os tra
,

c ized or i m priso ned for d ari ng to i nves t igate th e se c rets of

nature co ncerni ng repr o duct ion S o t he whole book was
“
.

a sc ribed t o A ris t o tle A s in t he Kama Sut ra o o t wi th

.
,
”
s ta ndi ng t ha t mu c h of t h e h ook is no nse nse t o u moderns ‘
s ,

so mu ch of th i s w ho l e m at ter of the relat io ns of men and

w om — —
en is so p al p able so per fe c tly obvious that he was
able t o formula te rules fo r p ro per pro c edure and for correc t
marit al livi ng whe n scie nce w as in its i nfancy al most as
, ,

c o mplet e as w e c an t od ay B ut t his book als o was ignored

.

or forb idden It s eem s w orth while t o q

. uot e from thi s au thor
wh o in spi t e of his poet i c al t urn of mi nd sho wn in the
, ,

rhy mes wit h w h ic h he ended nearly every cha pter evide nt ly ,

wrote in all serious nes s of what expe rience had shown to be

t he pro per c o nd u c t of men and wo men in marria ge .

Of T he ins trum
“ ents o f Generatio n in M en with par tic u ,

lar d es c r iptio n the reo f .

T hough the i ns t rume nt s or p art s of gene rat ion in all crea

88 The A rt o L
f ove

tures, wi t h respect t o t heir ou tw ard fo rm are no t perhap s ,

t he mos t comely ; yet in compe nsat ion of t hat nat ure h as ,

p u t upo n t hem a more abu n da n t a n d far

, grea t er ho n or t ha n
o t her parts in ordai ni ng t hem to be t he mea ns by whic h
,

every species of bei ng is co nt inued from o ne generat ion t o

another A nd t he refore t hough a man or woman were
.
,

t hrough the bou nty of nat ure endowed wi t h a ngelic coun ,

tenanc es and t he mos t exact sy m

, met ry and propo rtion of
parts t hat concurred t oge ther to the maki ng up of the mo st
perfect beaut y yet if they were defect ive in the inst ruments
, ,

of generat io n they would no t for all t heir beauty be accept

,

able to eit her of t he o ther sex becau se they would be thereby

rende red incapable of sa tisfying t he nat ural pro pe nsions
which everyone find s in himself And therefore since it is .
,

ou r du ty to be acquai nt ed w i th ou rselve s a nd t o search o u

, t
t he wo nders of Go d in nat ure I need no t make any apology
,
”
fo r a nat omi z i ng t he secret parts of genera t io n .

H e describes mi nu tely t he male and female organs o f gen

erat io n and t hough his anat omy is no t alway s accura t e h is
, ,

desc ription of the fu nc tio ns of di ff ere nt pa rts would rival ,

in accuracy such descrip t ions in mo st books of t he present

,

day .

For ins t ance he says ,

“The next t hi ng is t he cli to ris which is a si newy and hard ,

pa rt of t h e womb replet e with spongy and black ma tt er

,

wi th in in the same manner as the side ligame nts of th e yard

,

anh ers erec t io n and fall i ng in the same manner and bo th st i r

i
,

up lust and give deligh t in copulat ion for w i t hout thi s th e ,

fair sex neit her desire nuptial embrace s no r have pleasure in

t hem no r
,
co nceive by t hem ; a n d accordi n g t o t h e g rea tn es s
’
or small n e ss of t his pa r t t hey ,a re mo r e or le s s fo n d of me n s

embraces ; so it may properly be s tyled the seat of l ust,

B l o w ing t h e co als o f t h es e am o ro u s fi re s ,

Wh i h y
c o u t h an d b e a u t y t o b e q u e n c h ed r e q u ire s

m
.

T he a u t ho r believes in mo n ogamy a s wi
, l l be s ee n f ro

th e followi ng
“Though th e A rchi tec t of the wo rld h as been ple ased to
f ram u e s of di ff e re nt s exe s a n ,d f o r th e p r opaga t io n a n d
 The Kama Sutra 89 .

cont inuat io n of mankind has i ndulged us in the mutual

,

emb race s of each ot her t he desire whereof by a powerful

, ,

sec ret ins t i nc t ,is become na tural t o u s

y et he would leav
, e

them to t he law of t he Crea t o r w ho has o rdai ned tha t every

,

man shall have his o wn wife ; and though since man by sin , ,

ning agai nst his Creat or hat h fallen f r om h is p rimit ive pur
,

ity and has mult iplied wives and co ncubi ne s by which t he

, ,

fi rst i nst i tu t io n is viola ted and the grea tes t a ff ront give n t o
,

the Di vi ne L aw giver ; for t he holy Jesus hat h t old u

-
s t hat ,

in th e begi nni ng marriage was o f o ne m an and o ne woman ;

so that as these conjugal delight s cannot be e nj oyed but in
a m ar ried stat e so neither in t hat state can they lawfully
, ,

be pa rticipat ed o f wi th more t han o ne wife A nd it is th e

, .

breaki ng of thi s order tha t h as filled the world with c o n

fusio n and debauchery ; h as brought diseases o n the body ,
,

consumpt ion o n th e est a t e s and ete rnal rui n to th e soul if

, ,

no t repent ed o f L et all tho se t herefore of ei ther sex t hat

.
,

hav e a desire t o enj oy the delights of mutual embraces t ak e ,

care t hat they do it in a married s t at e with their o wn wive s ,

and husbands or else it will become a curse t o t hem i nst ea d

,
”
of a blessing .

T he fo ll o wing t wo sect io ns show a very t horo ugh and com

p rehensive knowledge of sexual phy siology
“
A t wh at age Yo u ng M en and Virgin: are capab le o f c ar
nal co pu l atio n; and why the y so m uch desire it .

I shall in th e present sec tio n make it my business t o sho w

at wh at age you ng m en and virgi ns are capable of the mar

ria e bed which because so ma n y de s i re befo re t hey a t t ai n

g ,

t o it wil l likewise be nece ssary t o show t h e cau se of t hei r

,

impetuou s des ires .

T h e i ncli nat ion of virgi ns t o ma rri age is t o be k nown b y

many symp t om s ; fo r when they arrive at ripe age which is ,

about fo urt een or fi fteen t heir natu ral purgat ions begi n t o
,

fl o w ; and then the blood which no lo nge r se rves for t he

,

incre as e of t heir bodie s does by its aboundi ng st ir up t hei r

, ,

mi nds t o venery ; t o whi ch also exte rnal c auses may i ncite

them . F o r t hei r spirits are brisk and inflam ed when t he
y
arrive at thi s age and their bodies are oft en more heated by
,

th ei r e at i ng sha rp and salt t hing : and by spices, by whic h

I
40 The Art o f Lo ve

r desi re of vene real embrac es becom

t hei es ve ry g re a t a nd at ,
s ome crit ical j u nct u res almo st insuppo rt able T he use of
, .

t hose so much de sired enj o m e nt bei n g de n ied t vi in s is

y s o rg ,

o ft en follo w ed by very dange rous and some t ime s dismal c o n

,

s equence s ,precipitat ing them int o those follies t hat may

bri ng an indelible stain o n thei r families or bri ng o n them ,

s elves the Gree n s ick nes s or o t her diseases

, Bu t when they
.

a re ma rr ied and t ho se desires sat isfi ed by their husba nds ,

t h ese dis t empers va nish and their beau ty ret urns more gay
,

and lively t ha n before A nd t his s tro ng i nclinat ion of theirs

.

may be k no wn by their eager gaz i ng at men and aff ec ti ng ,

t h ei r company which su
, ffi c iently demo ns t ra tes that nat ure
e xci t e s them t o de si re coit io n Nor is this the case wi t h
.

young virgi ns o nly but the s ame may be obse rved in young
,

w ido w s who canno t be sat isfied wi th that due be nevolence

,

Which they were wo nt t o receive from their hu sbands

.

“At fourteen years of age commonly the menses begins to

.

,
'

fl o w in virgi ns ; at which t ime they are capable of c o nceiv

ing and t herefore fit for marriage though it would be much ,

b et ter for t hemselves and t heir children if t hey would no t

marry t ill eighteen or twent y ; if they are healthy of strong ,

b ody and use th em selves to tempe ra nce they may co nt i nue

, ,

bea ri ng til] upward s of fi fty t hough ge nerally leave o f?

,

b etween fo rt y and fi fty : fo r t he m enses fl o w longe r in s o me

t ha n in o t hers . Bu t when they cea se t hey cea se beari ng , ,

and t herefore Sarah be aring Is a ac aft er it had cea sed t o be

w i th her accordi ng to th e c u
.
st om of wome n may well be ,

t ermed miracul ou s
“ wo rd o advice to b th sewer :
.

A f o a r D ire c,tio n s r e s pe c tin g

t h e ac t o f C o itio n o r c arnal c o pu l atio n .

T hough there are some t hat des ire no t t o h ave children ,

and yet are very fond of no c t urnal emb races t o whom t hese
d irec tions will be no way accept able because it may p roba ,

bly produce t he se e ff e ct s w hich t hey had rathe r be wi t hout ;

» et I doubt no t b u t t ha t t h e generali t y of bot h s exe s whe n
y ,

in the married st ate have such a de sire t o p ro duce th e fai r

,

im age of themselves tha t nothing can be more welcome to

,

t h em t han tho se d i rec t io ns th at may make t h eir m utual

em braces mo st eff ec t ual : and th erefore let none thi nk it
42
'

The Art o f Lo ve
No r curt ain no w t ho u h
g of t ransparent lawn ,
S hall be b e fo re thy virgin t re asu re d raw n,

I w il l enj o y t h ee no w , my faire st , co me,

And fly w it h me to l o ve s el ys iu m, ’

My rudder w ith thy bo l d h and , like a t ry d ’

And s kill fu l pil o t t h o u s hal t st ee r, and gu id e,

M y bark in l o ve s dark channel, wh ere it s h all
’

D ance, as th e bo u nd ing wave s d o rise and fall .

Wh ilst my tall pinnace in the C yprian st rait s ,

R ide s s afe at ancho r and u nlades the fre ight .

Having by t hese and other amorous a cts (which love c an

b e t t er dict at e t ha n my pen) w ound up your fa ncies to the
h ighes t order and desires ,

P e r fo rm th o s e ri
gh t s nat ure and l o ve re uires , q
Till yo u h ave uench ed each o th er s amro us fi res
q
’ ’ ’
.

T h e following quot a tions are from A ris totle s ’ “Hi st o ry

”
o f A nimals .

Book VII, Chapt er V , 2 “ Th e human female and the

. .

mare copulate after co ncep t ion more than any othe r crea

Book VII Chap t er IV 1 “ T hose who before p artu ri

, .
, .
,
”
t io n have sexual i nt ercourse su ff er less in th e proce ss
, ,
“
.

Book VI Chapter XXII 1

, Next t o the human sub.
, .

J e ct t h e hor se of bo t h sexe s is t h e mo st la s civious of all

”
a nim al s
“
.

Book VII I Chapter 1 3.

, A bout the same pe riod ( age
, .

1 4 ) also t he breast s of females e nlarge 4 T hey al so .

w ant speci al care at this pe riod for t hei r sexual desire s are ,

very st rong at t he commencement so t ha t if t hey no w take ,

care t o avo id every excitement ex c ept such as the cha nge of ,

t heir body requ ires wi thou t usi ng venery t hey general y

For gi rls who i ndulge m
l ,

r emai n t emperate in after ye ars .

v e nery when you ng generally grow u , p i nt e mpera t e ; and so

d o males if t hey are u nguarded ei ther o ne way or bot h

w e y3
l “
.

( h p
a t er II 3 I
t freq,
ue .n t ly happe n s t ha t from t h e wa n t
of sexual i nt erc ourse or from youth and the period of life
, ,

or f ro m l o ng a bst ine nce , t h e ut e ru s desce n ds an d th e ca t a

 The K a a S ut ra m 43

menia occur several times in

a mo nth unt il they co nceive ; ,

Book X (
. M a n y t hi n k this book no t wri tte n by A ri s
t o t le ) Chap ter II 1 “ A nd it is ev id e nt th a t w o me n pro
.
, .

j e c t t heir semen forw ard from wha t h appe ns wh en t hey h ave ,

lascivious dreams ; for this part of the m req ui res a t tent io n ,

”
bei ng mois te ned as thou gh they h ad sexu al inte rc o urse
“
,
,

Chapt er III 1 T hese ou ght to be t he sympt oms of the

.
, .

ut erus i ts elf after purifi cat io n Firs t of all t h at t he w oman .

,

should dream of sexual i nt ercourse and pro j e c t he r semi nal ,

flu id readily as if a man w ere lyi ng wi t h her ; and if t his

,

s ymp t om o ccur freque ntly it is be tter A nd wh en s he h as

, .

a rise n some t imes sh e should req

, ui re the sa me t re atment as
i f she had been wi th a man s om et imes sh e s h o ul d be d ry ; b ut ,

t his dryness should no t be i m med iate ; b ut after a waki ng she

s hould be fl u id s o o ner or l at e r as m uc h as h alf a sh o rt day , .

T h e hu midi ty s h o u ld h e of t he sa me ki nd as if s h e h ad bee n
wi th a man For all this show s that the u te rus is in a fit
.

s t a t e t o rec eive w h at is ive n it an d t h at t h co t yledo n s a

g e ,
re

dra w n up and w ill ret a in what they h ave received and be ,

unw illi ng t o par t wi th it 5 It s o m . e ti mes happe ns .

t ha t wome n w ho h ave las c ivi o u s d re am s or men of s t ro ng ,

passio ns are robust no t fro m s t re ngth b ut fr o m h e alt h

,
.

T his t akes p l ac e w hen a l arge q uant it y of seminal fl uid h as

been c olle ct ed near t h e pla c e fro m whe nc e th e y emi t it If .

t his makes it s e s c ap e t h ey are in no w a ys debil it at ed ; for

,

t hey are no t rela xed by t h e l o s s o f a po rt io n if s u ffic ient ,

remai ns b ehi nd or if t h at w hi ch w as e mit te d w as useles s

, ,

no r if it w as emi tt ed easi ly as i f t h e y p arted w i t h su p er ,

.

flu ou s m at t er F o r w h i c h reaso n s u
. c h p ers o ns are no t robus t

from s t rength b ut f ro md ull nes s ”

.

Cha pt er V 1 “ F o r if the man is q ui ck and th e w o ma n

.
, . ,

slo w in the emi ss io n of s emen and many w o me n are com

, ,

a rat iv ely sl o w ) t h is w ill p rev e n t c o n ce p t io n : f o r w h ic h

p ,

cause they do no t p ro d uc e c h il d ren b y s exual uni o n w i th

each o ther T hey d o s o h owev e r wh e n th ey h a ppen t o be
. , ,

co ncurrent w i th ea ch o th er ; fo r if th e w o man is de s iro us and ,

prepared for th e i nterc o urse and is inc l ined fo r it b ut th e , ,

man is su ff e ri n g p r e vio u s
p ai n a nd of a c o l d d i s po s i t,io n it ,

is t he n also n ece s s ar y t h a t t h e
y be c o n c u rr e n t .
M The A rt o f L o ve

Chap t er VI 2 “A nd when wome n have lasciviou s d ream s,

.
, .

t he s ame a ff ec t io ns of weak ne ss and debili t y oft en occur as ,

if t hey had bee n lying with a male It is plain t herefore , .

,

t ha t if they appear to h ave emi tte d a semi nal fl u id in t heir

dreams t hey will then conj ect ure that after their dream the
,

s ame place will be come mois t and t hey will be obliged t o

,

bes t ow th e same a ttentio n upon themselves as if they had had

”
s exual i nt ercourse
“
.

Chapter VII 1 We mu st i nquire whethe r women speak

.
, .

t he t rut h whe n t hey say t hat afte r a la scivious dream t hey

,

fi nd t hem selve s dry ; fo r it is pl ai n that t he ute ru s draws

upward ”
.

T here are reaso ns for i ntroduci ng th e fore go i ng quo t a

t io ns from A ris t o t le s “ ”
Hi story of A nimals and from the
’

p art usually incorpo rated in t hat book va riously at t rib ut ed ,

t o him or a nea r c o nte mporary For a long time pas t t he re

.

has been some even no w t here are o cc asio nal obj ec t ors t o
, ,

i ntercours e du ri ng p regnancy o n hygie nic or religious ,

g r ou nd s T h
. e fi rst quo ta t io n shows t ha t in A ri st o t le s t ime ’
,

t hi s w as a well k nown and u nce nsured cu st om

-
.

Th e next quotat io n records an ob serva t ion t hat I have

found several times in the li t erat ure ; and though it may no t
be universally t rue the evidence is co nvinci ng that it is so
,

in some case s I h ave bee n i nform ed by some of the mo st

.

reliable and mos t i nt ellige nt mo t hers t ha t t hey were c o n

fident tha t s a t isfac t o ry i nt ercou rse j u st be fore or eve n aft er ,

the begi nni ng of labo r had reduced markedl y t he ir pains of

childbirt h t heir basi s of judging being t ha t in those preg
,

nancies whe re i ntercou rse h ad been i nfreq ue nt or entirely

refrai ned from in t h e last mo nth s t hei r su ff eri ngs had bee n

more severe than when there h ad been no ab st inence from

the u sual sexual rela tio ns Here is o ne definite record of a
.

wo m an wh o h as given birt h t o seve n childre n weighing in ,

o rd er o f birth 9 75 1 1
1
, lb s respec
, .

t iv ely . Less th an t h ree h ours befo re th e bi rth of the fi ft h

child and abo u t an h o ur after labor p ai ns had begu n she
, ,

and her husba nd had perfec tly sa ti s fac t ory i ntercou rse it ,

bei ng a sort of spont aneous s h air partly his inspi rati on,
'

a r t ly her suggest i o n N o t wi th st a nding the fac t th a t thi s

p .
 The K a a S utram 45

c hild weighed at
bi rth lbs mo re than th e he aviest .
,

o f t h e ot hers this labo r w a

, s by far t he easiest of th e seven .

S o many p eople have for so lo ng disparage d sex and

t hought it shameful and wome n have so lo ng concealed thei r
,

re al nat ure becaus e in such a s t a te of public opinio n t he

, y
f elt it incumbent upo n them t o do so that as a resul t d u r , , ,

ing late r ce nturie s a large school has arise n well re re

p ,

s e nt ed in li t era t ure whose t eachi ngs are tha t m

, an is an ani
mal of bru te ungovernable pas sio ns and t hat woman is
, ,

cold passive angelic averse to sex embraces yield ing grudg

, , , ,

ingly to her husba nd sexually whe n she loves him for his ,

o t her quali t ies In ge neral woman is accordi ng to th e mod

.
, ,

e rn femi nis t , a sex slave of man .

A ris totle does no t dis ti ngu ish betw een the sexes when he
s ays t ha t
“man is more lascivious t han any ot her animal ”
.

T he translat or m igh t have used many more sui table words

“
t han lascivious
”
bu t let t ha t go ) H e a sse rt s tha t human
, .

females regularly admi t the males duri ng pregnancy t hat ,

men and women ha ye freq uent desire tha t girls at puberty ,

need special care si nce t heir d esires t he n are very st ro ng

, ,

and t hat sexual abs t i ne nce some t imes bri ngs di sast rous
r esu l ts t o w ome n A lso the bo ok whi c h if no t A ris t o t le s o wn
’
.
,

ive s t h e commo n k no w ledge o f t he t ime ment io ns freq ue n t ly

g ,

t he erot ic dreams of wome n A ll this would seem t o show

.

t hat the ancients as well as t hose of na mode ms who have

s t udied i nt e nsively t he na t ure of woman k new a s well a s we

k now tha t no norm al w oman is i nherently cold or p as s io n

less and tha t the w hole cul t of sexless women had its origi n
,

in a s t at e of mi nd a pu blic conscience brought about by

,

t hose olders t eache rs w ho assumed t ha t Go d c reated m an

wit h a sex nature es se nt ially c orrup t T his doc tri ne has .

b ee n preached and believed fo r lo ng ; b u t to d ay many preach

e rs and mos t o ther people have learned be tte r .

T he q uot at ions call att ent ion also repeat edly to a physio
logical fac t and necessi ty viz that before and du ring , .
,

p ro p er i nt ercou rse t he woman s p arts should be thoroughly ’

bat h ed in p re coit al and coi t al fluid Ignora nce of thi s o ne

- .

physiological nece ssit y h as rui ned m any homes and made

c o u nt less ma rr ia ge s d ifficul t .
46 T he A rt o f Lo ve

M AR IAN N IG H T !

“ ”
I have quo t ed passage s from the K ama Su tr a of Vat
sy a
y ana, t h e Hi ndoo t heological student from A ris t otle t he , ,

philosop her from t he anonymous physician who as cribes

, ,

i naccura tely m uch of his advice to A ris totle ; and no w I

,

quo te o he short pas sage from the unexpurga ted edit ion of the
”
A rabian N ights whi c h is the work o f a lay au t hor
, .

Fro m all t hese sources theological philosoph ical medi ,‘ , ,

c al , and lay we get a very accura te de scrip t io n of th e
,

psychic a tt it udes as well as the adap tat ions and ma nipula

,

t ions which are as cogent in an art of love for moderns as

“
they we re for th e A rs A mat o ria ”
of Ovid and the authors
quo ted .

T ransla t io ns of th e L at i n are sc arce and no t readily

acce ssible and the o t her w orks are largely suppressed A s
, .

I have repeated ly said had our foolish t ab us and no tio ns

,

no t made t hese w orks i naccessible t he nece ssary i nforma tio n

c o ncerni ng t h e art of love w ri t t en t wo t housa nd year s ago

and many t imes si nce w ould have made th is book e nt irely

s u erfl u
p o us .

“
In M e nt al Hygiene as recently as O ct 1 92 0 Dr H .
, .
, , .

W F ri nk a promi nent psycho p athologis t says in sub

.
,
-
,
“
s t a nce t hat there is but o ne book (Lo ng s Sa ne Sex L ife and ’

Sane Sex and t ha t a very recent o ne wi t h som e

faults which in any w ay att empts to cover this grou nd I
,
.

agree w it h him heart ily for I also recogni zed when I w rote
,

an i nt roduct io n for t ha t boo k t ha t w hile it was small no t , ,

f ree from error no r broad e no ugh in scope st ill it was u niqu e ,

in bei ng the o nly book tha t frankly a tt empt ed to co ver t he

ground at all that th e advice given was hone st generally
, , .

correct and alw ays whole some and t ha t such a book w as

, ,

n eeded by our vas t army of marr ied n ovices more t h a n a ny

t hi ng else in th e world .

“A rabia n Nigh t s ” Vo l X Ri c ha rd F Bu rt on Ca rson

,
. .
, .
,

Harpe r Co Denver Col 1 900 .

, , .
, .

s
In the t o ry of M a aruf t h e c o bbler’
an d h is wife ,
F a t ima , , ,

aft er M a a ruf had di s appeared from ho me and h as ma rried

’
 The Kama S utra 47

the p rince ss we find thi s descrip t ion of the e arly p art o f th e

,

wed di ng nigh t .

“
T he p rince ss is speaking : A s fo r m e tro uble no t th y ,

self abo u t me fo r I will have pat ience wi t h t hee t ill th bag

, y
gage shall come and as fo r my women, have no ca re fo r
,

Ri se do fi thy clothes and t ake thy pleasu re ; and

'
them .
,

whe n the baggage comet h we shall get t he j ewels and the rest .

So he arose and pu t t i ng o ff his clo thes sat d o wn o n the bed

and sough t love liesse and t hey fe ll t o t o ying wi t h each
-

othe r H e laid his h and o n her knees and she sat down in
.

his lap and th ru st her lip s like a tidbi t o f m eat i nt o h is

mouth ; and t hat ho u r was such as maketh a man to forget
his father and his m ot her So he clasped h er in his arms
.

and st rai ned her fast to his b reast and su cked her lip t ill ,

the ho ney dew r an o u t int o h is mout h ; and he laid his hand

under her left a rmpi t, whereupon his vitals and her Vi t al s
yearned fo r coi t i o n T hen he clapped her bet ween th e
.

bre ast and his hand slipped do wn bet we en her thighs and
she girded h imwit h her legs whe reupo n he m ade of the two
,

pa rts proof amai n and crying o ut 0 sire o f the chin veils ,

-

twai n ; S o the re befell the mys t e ry conce rni ng which the re

is no i nqui ry ; and she cried the cry t h at mu st needs he
”
c ried.

C O M M E NTS

In t he tr ansl at o r s text of the

’ “K am ”
a Sut ra t he re are
no it alics T hese love aphori sm s are howeve r such a qui n
.
, ,

t essence of t he psych o lo gy and phy siol o gy of sex relat io ns

that th ey migh t well be all i t alici z ed While eve ryth i ng.

quote d is impo rt ant th ere are certain parts of the ancient

,

O rie nt al te achi ngs which I wish t he reade r to specially

not ic e and t he se I have placed in i t alics
,
T hese t eachi ngs .

hav e h ad little p rev alenc e and no symp athy in the O cci

dental wo rld F ew have k nown of t hei r exi stence None
. .

would h ave dared t wenty years ago to t e ach th em T ho se .

wh o u nde rsto od the way of a m an and a wo m an were u su ally

the Do n J u ans and th e Cle o pa t r as T he few m arried peo
.

p le w h o h ad di sc o v ered t h at perfect l o v e wa s art ist i c and

 '

The Art f Lo ve
‘

48 o

mechanist ic as well as idealist ic were ashamed to co mmuni

ca te this know ledge to their child ren or anyo ne else
“
.

Compari ng my quo tat ions from t he K ama S utra p ar ,

t ic u larly the i talici z ed pa rt s o ne will fi nd almo st e nt i re

,

agreement wi t h pres ent s c ient ifi c k nowledge Cert ain t hi ngs

.

were no t accurately k nown in Vatsyayana s t ime and his ’

,

discussion of them may seem simple or irreleva nt Civili z a .

t io n has changed human nat u re in s ome det ails h as i nt ro ,

du c ed mo re pervers ions and pe r ve rsi t ies P a rt icularly has

.

t h e great p sychic development of m an in t h e la st tw o t hou

s and yea rs made it nece ss ary t o dwell more o n t h e p sychology

o f love he nce my addit io ns and embelli shments

, M aki ng an .

e xcep t io n of t hese t hi ngs one will see t ha t I migh t abou t as

,

w ell have copied Vat syayana and made no comme nt ; b u t

most of what I have writt en was lea rned from my o wn
att emp ts to a tt ain ma ri t al felici ty from t alks w it h pa t ients ,

and frie nds abou t t heir o wn sec re t sex live s befo re I eve r ,

h eard of Vat syayana or read any of h is book or any ot her

b ook t hat expla ined these thi ngs M y lat er readi ng of t his
.

and ot her Orie nt al w ri t ers and duri ng th e las t fi ft een years

, , ,

t h e work s of pioneers in Sexology in Eu rope and A merica ,

l ike Bloch Forel M oll M alchow S turgis Lydst o n and

, , , , , ,

o t he rs has co nfirm
, ed ma ny fi nd ings of my o wn and led me

t o t each t hese th i ngs wherever and whe never it seemed appro

ri at e
P .

Bu t ho w could thes e t ru ths be d issemi nat ed a m

. ong moral ,

up righ t , self respecti ng progressive men and women whe n

-
,

t h e book s of t he se m en were so ld su rrep ti tiou s ly and re a d

in secret and kept under lock and key ? Well do I remember
o b t ai ni ng the book of o ne of the above au thors about
f
fi tee n yea rs ag o T h e volume came ca r efully s e al ed a n d ,
“
.

o n th e cove r was a no t ice sayi ng ,

The great es t care should
,

be u sed in showing thi s book to anyo ne and no member of ,

”
l
t he at s i y hould be a ll owed t o read it T o t ell
. t h e t ru t h a t ,

t ha t t ime , th ough I had t he n bee n s t udyi ng t hese ma t t er s

f o r fi fteen yea rs a, n d t h ough my w ife a n d I had go tt e n t o

p
a r tt e y good u n de r s t a n di n g of each o ther an d t hough ,
w e

h ad help e d s o me o t her s in t hese ma t t er s I w as h, al f a sh amed

to h a ve t h e boo k i n my p o ss e ssi o n I kep t. it locked u p ,
‘
50 The Hrt o f Love

no t alo ne my findings , but those of all ages who have

st udied m an wh ateve r t he u nexplo red fi elds what ever is
, ,

o ver o r u nde r emph asi z ed

-
, whatever essentials are omi tted
o r no n es sent ial s i nt ro duced will be fo u nd at le a
- st the germ

o f trut h conce rning the s exual l ife o f m en and women .

T he s oo ner this cl aim of right is conc eded , the s ooner st u

dent s and wri ters and t hinkers and men and women can
g e t t o work
, pa ri ng down and elaborat i ng a n d m odi fyi ng
what h as already been said the sooner can better ways
,

t ha n o u rs be wo rked o u t of p resent i ng t he se facts t o

children young peo ple and ma rried pe o ple in the m o st ap
,

e a li n g le ast o ff endi ng and m o st univ ersal way

p , , .
 C h an “ 11
T HE P S Y CH O LO GY O F LOVE

I t will be not iced that in th e quo t at ions from t he K am a “

”
S ut ra and o t her ancient books whic h trea t of th e art of
love and it will be fou nd in all old t reat ises o n t hi s subj ect
, ,

t h at t he mechanical and physic al adj us tm ents necessary to

a perfec t unio n of t he sexes are desc ribed fully and with
s ubstant ial accuracy .

In t hese boo ks no direc t reference is made t o th e psy

c ho lo g of love a nd for t h bes t of ea o n S fa as
y e , r s s o r .

we k no w the p sychology of love played a small pa rt in

,

t he sex life of o u r a nimal forbears ; like w ise p sychology

was no t k nown in name and w as of comparat ively small

moment in the love life of p rimit ive men .

T he cave m an w as no t far removed in his reac tions t o ,

h is enviro nme nt f rom the a nimals which preceded h im

,
.

From the n t o no w there has bee n a gradual developme nt

o f t he p sychic life ; and it has finally come to have a be ari ng ,

more import ant tha n t he physical in many human act ivi t ies ,
.

Rece nt wri ters have recogni zed that this slowly acqui red
p sychic element is of such far reaching impo rtance in th e -

love life of modern man t hat no di scu ssio n of sex h as any

value with o ut it .

M any vol umes would be requi red t o discu ss the p sycho ]

of love in an adequa t e way Hal l s
“ A dolesce nce ’
o
gy y ,
“
.

E lli s s studies and Bloch s

’
,
Sexual Life of Our T imes
’

discu ss especially t he no rmal aspects of sex psychlo gy while ,

K rafl t Ebing T arno wsky and M oll are co ncerned m o re

'
-
, ,

especially wi th the pat hological side Freud J ung Lid .

, ,

st o n F ore] Elle n K ey Gre te M eisel Hes s Gallich an and

,
-
, ,

h u ndred s of ot hers beside myself have a tte m

, , ,

pted t o deal ,

wi t h so me special pha se of the subj ect .

51
52 The A rt o f Lo ve

I have t ried t o confine myself to the conc ret e p re se nt ation

of psychic love life as we find it in present day people and -
,

to sugges t the applica t io ns necess ary for normal adolesce nt

d evelo p ment and for t he fulles t r o u ndi ng o u
, t of the lives
o f ad u lt s mar ried and si ngle
, .

Nec ess arily for t he present purpose the subject will be

, ,

s t ill furt her res t ric t ed ; and I shall tr t h w th a t a d i

y o s o s
cu ss io n t oday of our k now led ge of the mat erial mecha nical , ,

physi c al a rts of love c an help very litt le to ward co rrect

s ex li v i ng wi t hou t fi rs t u nders t a ndi ng and applyi ng t he
p sychology of love which though acqui red at a lat er s t age
, ,

in our development h as att ai ned such a place t hat it m u

, st

be an absolu tely neces s ary fore ru nner and a co nst ant

c o ncomi t ant of any pe rfec t physical ma t i ng .

T he psychology of love ins tead of being of gradual de

,

v elo m ent like p sychology in most li ne s o f huma n progress

p , ,

h as h ad numerou s setbacks ; and it s p resent developme nt h as

result ed largely from i nhibi tions Such bei ng the case th e re
.
,

are many contradict ions to o u r p res e nt code of theore t ical

ethics and t o co rrect biologic al livi ng in the sex t hough t s

,

and a ctions of many people e speci ally t ho se of t he highest

,

culture and idealism .

Wi t h prope r st udy and c areful elucidat ion inhibi t ions ,

serve a mos t u seful purpos e in o u r e ff o rts to wa rd self

p rese rvat ion pe rpet u at ion and progress ; but i nhibi t ions
, ,

r es u lt ing from si ngle experiences o r from seve ral when t hey

are reacted to u nq ualified ly wit h o ut co rrelat ion wi th o ther
expe rience s o r when j udged by t heo retical a prio ri rea son
, ,
- i

ing t o th e exclu sio n of i nduct ive a po sterio ri re aso ni ng,

, ,

o ften lead u s i nt o dange rou s er ro rs and w o rk o n t he p ri n

,

c i l e of the boomerang
p
“
.

F o r instance let u ,
s t ake th e old s ayi ng Th e burnt ,
”
child dread s the fi re S o he d o es, and ao s hould no t hi ng
.
,

intervene t o co rrect h is fi rst impres s io ns afte r placi ng ,

hsi ha n d o n a re d h o t st o ve he would , co n t i n ue t o fea r

m ore a n d more t h e fee l i ng of w a rm t h or t h e s igh t of h a me s ,

a d
n in o u r la t i tu de would , ul t im at ely fr e e z e W h at .re ally
m
,

h app en s is t h at he lea r n s f ro exp e rie n ce a n d t h e t e a chi n g

 The P syc ho lo gy o f L o ve

of elders th at he c an approach a st ove and get the saving

b e ne fit of warm th wit hou t comi ng in co nt ac t wit h it .

If we had no previous k nowledge of s w immi ng and st opped

m our experience wi th the sigh t of t he dro wni ng of o ne
,

e qually ignora nt fear of t he w ate r would prevent all of

,

us from learni ng t o s w im and much loss of life wo uld res ult

,

f rom such ignora nce .

T his is precisely wha t has occu rred in sex psych ology .

Ou r religious and medical t eacher s dre w b ack in ter ror at

t heir first co nt ac t w i t h some of these problems ; and the ir

e s ty deduct ions are se rvi ng as guides for u

zay .
s at t he prese nt

In all ordinary bra nches of huma n k nowledge we ao

cumula te t abula te and compare expe riences and ha nd t his
, , ,

b ody of collec t ive k no wledge down to ch ildre n and childre n s ’

c h ildren. Bu t th e sex i ns t i nc t whil e so t reme ndous and

,

neces sary a force tha t it has compelled i nnu m erable solu

t io ns and while t he conclusio ns arrived at by the more
s a ne and candid have bee n ident ical h as had no ge neral ,

d i scu ssio n ; and no commo n co nclusio ns have been arrived at .

N o o ne has dared t o exp ress his ideas ; bu t all have bee n

quot ing the re act io ns of th e fi rst teachers namely that sex , ,

w as a ho t s to ve t h at it wo u
, ld bu rn and maim and de st roy ,

and th a t it had no o ther fu nc t io n It w as thought t hat no

.

inves t igat io n was neces sa ry or permissible si nce it was ,

t aught that the maker of the s t ove had himself ordai ned
t hat it was b u t a neces s ary evil in an o therwi se u nde r
st andab le and w ell ordered u niverse
-
.

N o t all sex i nhibi t io ns are of t his o rder Some in spi t e .

,

o f t abu and res t rai nt are known t o be w ise as th e result

, ,

o f com m on obse rvat io n e g no o ne could fail t o note

, . .
,

t hat in breedi ng and i nces tu

- ou s unions ofte n res ul ted in
d et e riorat io n Hence was built up an i nhibi t ion which cau sed
.

an aversio n t o co nsa ngui neou s ma rriage s and an a tt i tude of

dis gus t and loathi ng toward i nc est (T hi s is but a partial .

t ru th ; and it is k nown tha t in breedi ng in i t s elf is no t -

calami t ous .T h e det eriora t io n resul ts fro m t he do u bli ng

o f the impe rfec tio ns o f t he near related w h ich of ten become ,
54 T he A rt o f Love

p redomi na nt over the doubled good qualities I f the bad .

point s in he redi ty we re elimi na ted consa ngui neous mating ,

w ould result in most rapid improvement of th e st irp

) .

Bu t w e are no t go i ng t o deal wit h i nhibi t io ns which hav e

h ad in ge neral a salu tary e ff ec t It is mo re t o t h e poi nt
.

t o discuss a few of t he psychic re ac t io ns which occur in mo st

men and women as a result of inhibi tions derived from
limite d experience or unj ustifiab le conclu sions .

T ho u gh fo rmerly t ouched upon t o some ex tent repeti t i o n ,

seems de sirable while there is so li ttle true u nderstandi ng of

,

th e rea s o ns for sexual a tt ract ions and aversions .

A n i nhibi t ion agains t all psychic approval and whole

hearted pa rt icipatio n in no rmal sexual relat ions was im
planted fo r all t ime when establishing t heir deside rat a by
,

arguments de rived from i nfe re nce o r cont rast, t he older

dogma ti st s a sserted t hat s t ric t a scet ici sm was the mo st
ne arly perfec t m anner of human livi ng ; and concessions
t o t hi s nece ssi t at ed by force of i ns t i nc t o r for race p re se rva
,

tio n were venial si ns t o be sure, b u

, t s i ns j us t the s ame .

M ost people of go od mo rals and high culture are st ill

influ enced by thi s inhibi t ion and think that ma rried o r ,

s i ngle, the neare r t hey c an inhibi t all sex emo t io n and ,

t he reby app roximat e the life of t he a scetic t he neare r ,

t hey approach t he ideal of livi ng .

Early teachers t aught that no sex t hough t o r act io n w as

permi ssible outs ide marriage A u t o erot ism o r t he hei nou s -

“
.
,

s in o r th e secret vice
,
w as co nsidered the
, unp ardonable
s in ,
mo rally and physically ruinou s F o micat io n and p ro s .

t tu
i i
t no we re u ndesirable b u t le sse r evil s s i n ce t hese
, si ns

were considered venial Some held tha t marriage sh ould be a

.

sligh t ly modi fied celibacy thou

,
gh it was at times assumed
t o give full license in t he sexu al rela t ion .

Naturally wi th eve rythi ng sexual co nside red low be st i al

, , ,

un rt o hodox ,
by t he church a n d ,
wi th a commo n belief t ha t
all plea su re of any ki nd was si nful t he re w as little chance ,

fo r good p eople t o e nte r t h e ma r ried stat e wi t h t h e t hough t

t ha t sex r ela t io ns were a n y t hi ng b u t h armful a nd depraved
or that sexu al ple asu re was anyth ing but immo ral and i rre
l igio u s .
 The P sych o logy o f L o ve 55

T he im ilari t y be twee n the feelings , th e emis sio n, and the

s

t emporary aft er st at e of la nguor and q u

-
iescence foll owi ng
bo th auto ero t ism and th e normal sexual act has led mil
-

lions of men t o reason from a nalogy tha t , since all the

world agr eed tha t the phy sical efl ects of the expuls io n of
'

s emen in mast urba t io n were des t ruc t ive t h e same disa s t ers

m
,

mu st fo llow if semen were a ended in co nnubial rela tions

except o n rares t occasio ns Th e idea s t ill preva ils tha t
.

g rave da n ger s a tt e nd t h e escape of t he sex s urplu s in invo l

untary normal nigh t emi ssions
, .

While men ordinarily feared t he disast rou s physical co n

sequences , w omen, more moral in their i ntui tions , argued
t h at si nce all sex expres sion was a concessio n t o th e lo w er
,

nat ure , and au t o ero tism w as u nive rsall y co ns idered u nto t

-

g iv a b ly vile , from moral an d rel igious s t a ndpoi n ts t hey ,

had become vile if, as was t h e rule they had yielded to ,

t hem befo re ma rriage T his re ndered them they tho ught

.
, ,

unworthy t o t ake pleasure wi th t heir husbands provided ,

t his w ere ever righ t which was very imp robable in view
, ,

of the fac t t hat all sex thoughts and ac ts were vile .

We have s aid e nough t o show t hat young men and women

formerly ente red and most of them no w enter t he m arried
—
s tate painfully self conscious and fearfully ashamed of t heir
adolesce nt sex imagi ni ngs and of harmless au t o erotic ex -

p e r ie n ces a s, well as of a ny graver sex abe r ra t io ns or pro

misc uit ies which have entered t heir live s T hey are resolved .

to keep t o t hemselve s t hei r boyhood and girlhood experi

cu cca Su c h i nitial secre t ive ness is a grea t blow t o th e
.

i nt imate com p anionship and ab solu te good fello wship that

should be a s tarti ng poi nt in all success ful marriages T hey .

are resolved o n bo th sides and mo re e specially o n th e

,

woma n s , to thi nk as li ttl e as po ssible abou t th e sex side

’

of life and ho wever s t ro ng thei r feelings t o express no

, , ,

des i re fo r sexual cont act .

M ost good cou ples st a rt m arried life t hinking it a sac

rilege t o expose t hem selve s to each o ther M any hu sband s .

w ill he si tat e and mo st wives w ill blush at a kiss excep t it be

,

o n hand cheek or lips

, ,
In some i nsc ru t able way mos t wo m
. en
t hi nk tha t they h ave lea rned t hat the sexual emb r ace is
56 The Z rt o f Lo ve

clas sical oro rthodox only when they are face to face with ,
t he m an above and the woman beneat h . T o m any of them
it is a shock t o le arn afte r t en o r fi fte en years t hat an
y
o ther po sition which is mu t ually pleasing is j us t as co rrect .

T hey are act ually somet imes a shamed or afraid t o as

s um e any other post ure It has bee n necessary t o talk
.

l ong and earnes tly to some couple s and b ri ng i ndubi t able

e v idence to prove th at other posi t ions were permi ssible when
t hey seemed necessary or des irable .

O ne would smile were it no t fo r the t ra gedy o f it at t he

account of t wo couples wh o very recently compelled by ,

t rouble s re sul ti ng from lack of sex adju st ment sou , gh t ad

vice One couple asse rt ed t hat wi thout any prelimi na ries
.

what ever they had always had int ercourse wi t h th e man lyi ng
o n th e woma n her legs bei ng pressed t igh t ly t oget her
, his
,

bei ng separated T he other couple varied from t his po s it ion

.

o nly t o t he ex t e nt t hat t h e hu sba nd kept h is legs clo se t o

g e t he r a n d t h e wife h e rs wide apa r t .I n each ca s e n o o t he r

posi tion was thought permi ss ible the act was alw ay s ste reo
,

t yped and rapidly accompli shed ; and all t hese part ies we re
ashamed to dis cus s t hese relat ions wi th t hemselves o r any
o ne el se . A s a result of t hi s ps ychic i nhibi t io n th e women
h ad no complet e s at is fact i o n and the m , en wi thout a naly z i ng
,

t he matt e r k new t h at something was radically wro ng

, . Y et
e ach c o uple t hought t hei r way to be th e o nly pe rm issible or
decent way of h avi ng sexu al int ercourse .

It was o nly necessary t o first remove th ese inhibi t ions by

s ui t able explana t ions and th en to s ket ch o u t a fe w simple
formulae of the art oi love t o make t hei r mu tual adj u stment
pe rfect and thei r new fou nd happine ss complete W rong
- .

imp ressions would cau se many a young wife to feel ash amed
i
and ns te ul d if h e r hu sb an d s h o uld a t te mp t t o ki ss o r t i t illa t e

h er n ipple s t o f e el h e r n a t ee s ,or t o f o n dle her cli t o r is o r

m
,

n ymphae .I n re ali t y sh e is n o t in uch d an g e r ,s i n ce a

young man who h as been ch as t e be fore m arriage is o rdi na ril y
.

i u b i i
'

so ha ndic a pped by i g n o ra n ce a n d n l t o n s t ha t he do e s

no t k o
n w t ath h is wife h a s s ome of th es e orga n s ; a n d if h e

does his to o exalted no t i o n o f the aesth e tic his o wn self

, ,
58 The Art
'

o f Lo ve

I
t may prove amis s to desc ribe a ca se and a prac tical
no t ,

way of deali ng wi th it M ee t ing t hrough a mut ual friend

.
, ,

a you ng woma n whose ma r riage was but a week dist ant I ,

blu nderi ngly asked her if her ed ucat io nal prepa rat io n fo r
t he ch anges which ma rried life i nvolved w as sat isfac t o ry .

She ins t ant ly replied t h at she was entirely unprepared but ,

t ha t she had sought info rmat io n fr om t hree ma rried wome n

f riend s who se fra gment a ry and contradic t ory co nfi dences
,

had yielded no i nformat ion and that in despair she had , , ,

asked her family phy sician if he knew of any book that

w ould help her to which he had replied t hat he k new of
,

no ne t o rec omme nd and t hat she had be t t e r let ma tt ers

,

t ake t hei r course a course w hich all will agree, after reading
,

wha t follows mus t have proved disastrou s

, .

T his gi rl w as over t hi rty and had t aught ten yea rs si nce ,

g rad u at in g from college ; so a t fi rs t I gave h er my book s

t o read A ft er half a day s readi ng of a part of th e fi rst

’
.

book she said she had a lo ng list of ques t ions t o ask me

,

w hen she had fi nished A fte r th ree day s in which she com
.
,

p let ed t h e readi n g of a ll t h e book s sh e said t ha t her , que s

t ions were prac t ically all a ns wered bu t t ha t sh e wished to ,

t ell me h er st ory Here it is as near as I can remembe r

.
,

i h for I had no oppo rtu ni t y t o take not es

, Whe n a you ng .

girl she had learned t o p rac t ice aut o e rot ism She neve r -
.

reso rt ed to t he prac t ice frequent ly , but h er mo t he r fright

e ned her nearly t o death about it ; and from th e age o f
fi fteen o u s h e,
m a de despera t e e ff or ts t o give it up e n
t irely .She had i e
nt r val s of success a n d failure T he re we re .

t wo yea r s whe n s h e w a s p rac t ically fr ee f rom it duri n g ,

which t ime sh e w as in a s t a te of extreme ne rvousnes s .

A t the t i me of her e n gageme n t a t t we n t y fi ve s h e fel t -

,

forced t o res o rt t o aut o ero t i sm about twice a week She

- .

had t o i ncrea se t his t o about fou r times a week when her

lover w as arou nd Her e ngagement w as long ; and much
.

of th e t ime they were separate d F o r the fi rst fou r years .

o f her e n gageme nt she fough t h e r impul se s a n d s o c o n ,

q uered t hem t ha t duri ng t h e las t th r ee year s she had hardly

e ver go tt en volu nt a ry relief b u t du i g his pe iod whe
r n t r n ,

ever her lover visit ed her freque ntly o r i nfrequently and , ,

 T he P sych o lo gy o f Lo ve 59

t o ok her in h is arms and ki ssed her she had an instante ,

neo u s overwhel m
, i ng sexual thrill and orgasm , .

Duri ng her college days she was o ne d a w alki ng o n a

y
l o nely road wi t h a college ma t e Suddenly a man of rough .

appearance s prang over a s to ne wall by the roadside sei zed ,

her and att emp t ed to th row her t o th e gro und She s t rug
, .
.

gled and screa med the o ther gi rl screamed and a c ar ap

,

pe e red do wn the road T he man released her or in some .

,

way she made her escape She and the other gi rl we re so .

a shamed of this experie nce that they had o nly spoken of it

o nce to each o ther ; and she had never me nt io ned it t o
anyone else but had t hough t much about it A few weeks
, .

after this she w as sitt i ng near the wi ndow in a partly fill ed

day coach o n a railroad t rai n A man ca me in and t ook t he
-
.

sea t beside her B efo re sh e reali zed wh at he was doi ng,

.

he t ook o ut his erec t penis and held it as if for h er i nspectio n .

She could no t help seei ng it b ut i ns t a ntly turned her head

aw ay She was frigh tened dis gus ted and in a panic as
.
, ,

t o what t o do She did no t dare get up and leave ; she

.

w as ashamed t o s pe ak t o t h e c o nduc tor o r a nyo ne else ; s o

s he s at s t i ll wi th her eyes ave rted et k n o w i ng t ha t he co n
y ,

t inu ed exposed for a lo ng t i m e She had felt humiliated .

b y th is expe rie nce and had t old no o ne of it t ill no w She .

had made every e ff o rt t o forge t it but th e p ic tu re had ofte n ,

c ome t o her mi nd For a long t ime she fel t that all men
.

mus t be vile A fter a t ime in sp i t e of herself erot ic feel

.
, ,

ings occurred coi ncidently w i t h memory pictures and

t h o ught s of t he s e e xp erie nc es A s is u s ual in such c ase s . ,

she could no t es c ape deli gh t ful fa ncies of b ei ng pursued and

v iola t ed and all u
,
ri ng visions of male o rgans F rom thi s .

t ime she bega n t o have esp ec ially at her mens t rual periods
, ,

i nvol unt a ry cryi ng s pells and o ther hys teric al a tt acks She
- .

s u ff ered from i nsom nia at t i m es She grew arbi trary in man .

ner and cy nical in t hough t .

Her intended husba nd belo nged to o ne of th e learned p ro

fes sio ns ; and t hey had t alked sex ma t t e rs over somewhat ,

in a de t ached way H is view w as t ha

. t se x rela t ions were
desirable and t hat they sh ould be fairly frequent and mu
, ,

tually sa t isfyi ng Her vi ew w as. j us t th e opposi t e due t o ,

60 The A rt o f Lo ve

her mother s frightening her to th e t wo experiences above

’
,

rec orded and to the s tat ements of a lady doc t or who t old
,
-

her class in college that s ex relat io ns should be only for

proc rea t io n and u nder no circums t ances ofte ner t han once a
,

month She was in the keenest ment al anguish as t o what

.

she might do o n th e weddi ng night She knew t ha t she loved .

her man dearly ; but she felt sure t hat she should go i nt o
hy ste rics at any sexual app roach I agreed wi th her tha t .

a hys t e rical att ack w as a sure pros pe c t under the co ndi ,

t ions . We discussed t hese matte rs She t old me at once .

,

aft er reading the books t hat her fo rmer p o si t ion had been
,

wrong and t hat her fi ancee s had been right She said that ’
.

wit hout th e i nsight i nto sex matt e rs which th e book s had

given her she should have always resiste d and resent ed her
hu sband s sexual advances though she no w knew that her
’
,

o wn nat u re might properly leap gladly t o meet his desi re s .

T he des ire h ad been the re before bu t she had th ough t it ,

w ro ng and would hav e fought it to the bit ter end

, .

Bu t she was st ill in t e rro r at the t hought of t he concrete

worki ng o ut of their sex relations having as she h ad , , ,

her backgrou nd of t error s ham e self reproach and disgus t

, ,
-

conce rning th e whole subj ect overshadowing a t imid yea rn , ,

ing de sire for the m an she loved .

I to ld her t hat the perversions of the sex life which she

h ad wi tne ssed we re fairly commo n and tha t they u sually ,

resul t ed from the combi nat ion o f s t ro ng instinct and inade

quate sex knowledge I to ld her that her o wn v ivid ima gin
.

i ngs for which she had condemned herself were not hing t o
, ,

be ashamed o f that they were an i nevit able psychological

,

s e uence a no rm
q ,
al woma n s nat u re r espo ndi ng in shame and
’

s ec re t to nat ural st imuli It became clea r t o her that had

.

t hes e m atters been t alked over i ntelligently with fa the r ,

mother fri end o r doct o r so on after t hei r occu rrence they

, , ,

would have made no permanent impres sio n o n her I sug .

gested that she read mo re modern sex books and enco urage
h er husband to do t hi s if he had no t al ready done se I .

advised her to take her hu sband i nt o her c o nfi dence as

s oon afte r m arriage as p o ssible at least be fore sexual rela ,

o
ti ns ha d b een a tt emp ted an d s i t t i n
,g in his lap o r
, lyi ng in
 The P sycho lo gy o f Lo ve 61

h is a rms to tell
her complete s t ory at least to make plain
, ,

t o him t hat she had bee n subj ec t ed t o some rude sexual

s hocks w hich had made her nerves u nst able and had wa rped

her j udgment I sugges ted tha t she ask him t o be pat ient if
.

s he became hys t e rical co nt rary or cold t hat t his was no t

, , ,

her re al nat ure that she no w unders t ood hers elf t hat she
, ,

loved him jus t as he did her and that she would meet h im
half way as soo n as she could forget t he c o nfl icts of the
pas t and get used t o him I made it clear t o her that after
.
,

her reading and our talk there was li ttle danger of her ,

becomi ng hys te rical hut s t rong probability that she wou ld

,

have desi re fo r him and respond t o him from t he firs t .

Goi ng back fi fteen years t o a no ther ca se where a m an ,

whos e w ife had begun divorce proceedings consult ed me t o

see if th e pro ceedi ng might no t be st ayed ; in a wo rd t he ,

divorce proceedi ngs origi nated from the fact tha t when
t his wife was twelve years old she was o ne day hunt ing
hen s eggs in her u ncle s ba rn T his lascivious old u ncle
’ ’
.
,

made lasciviou s like many anot her u ncle by an unrespo nsive

, ,

wife c aught t his girl at a disadva ntage while she was

,

reachi ng i nt o a barr el for eggs and fo ndled her geni t als , .

O ne may call it a far cry from t his t o a divorce bu t it is ,

t he s imples t thi ng imagi nable T his girl t hough shock ed .

, ,

was at the time to o young to be greatly shocked by her

u ncle s ac t t hough t his nat urally produced sensations which
’
,

led to regular mas turba t ion T he memory of t his incident .

,

combi ned wi th her mot her s declarat ions t ha t everyth i ng ’

,

s exual w as low and vu lgar led to h er thinking herself t o o ,

vile to assoc iate wi th decent people A t ot her t imes she .

revelled in imagi nary situat io ns and ero t ic feeli ngs which her
u ncle s act had set in mo t ion She alt ernat ed between
’
.

periods of self abasement and pe riods o f vivid sexual imagi n

-

i ngs T hese alternate stat ees co nt i nued aft er she fell in

love O n o ne day she read i agreed t o ma rry the man and
.

. ,

w as buoya nt and happy t he ne xt day she refused poi nt ,

bla nk in the midst of hysterical t ears T hey we re married

,
.

on o ne of her favorable day s ; bu t th e same c o n fl ict co nti nued

aft er marria ge A t o ne t ime she respo nded j o you sly to

.

a ll his adva nces eve n sug g e s te d t

,
ha t he t r
y v ariou s aid s to
62 The A r t o f Lo ve

her exci tement i ncluding cu nnilingus

, A t ano t he r she .

s purned him as t he mo st depraved of m en and c omplai ned ,

t o her neighbors of his vario u s ma nipula t io ns forge tt i ng t o ,

i nfo rm h im that she had i nspired them .

Finally her self denu nciat io n da t i ng back t o t he early

-
,

experience and teachi ngs co nverted i nt o denu nciat io n of her

,

husba nd t riumphed ove r her i ns ti nc tive desires and she

, ,

pa rt ially alienated applied for divorce T he applica tion

, .
,

however was w ithdraw n after ce rtain explanat ions

, .

I might fill several volumes wi th accou nts of similar ca ses

where reac tio ns t o some shocking si t uation nurt ured in the ,

secrecy of our i gnora nt culture resulted in i nhibi t ions o f,

t he no rmal and natu ral and p roduced c o nflicts between in

st incts and ideals F o r ins tance I call to mi nd six cases
.
,

where a girl s o wn father h ad played with her cli to ri s o r

’

proposed i nt ercourse t hree ca se s s imila r t o t he above

, ,

where a girl had been t ampe red wit h while reachi ng i nt o

a barrel for eggs fi ft een c ases of girl s shocked by exhibi t ion
,

ists eigh t who had accidentally seen men mas t urba t i ng

, ,

four who as childre n had sucked the penes of boy play

mates six who had pract ised cu nnil ingus with o ther girls
, ,

and I h ave no idea how many who at the age of from t w elve
t o six t een h ad had or had a t te mp t ed i nt ercour se wit h boys of
t heir o wn age or boys that were older T h e psychology of
.

su ch variet ies of u nconvent ional o r u nna tural sexual ex

p e rie nc es a s have bee n e numera t ed a n d n umerous , o t hers not

enumerated is very similar ; and the resul ti ng i nhibi t io ns

and c o nflict s are much the s ame as in th e t wo c ases described .

Even cases of ordi nary au to ero t ism experience s whi c h

-
,

are passed t hrough by ni ne hu ndred and ni net y ni ne o ut of -

every t housand of the men and wo me n in the U nit ed S tat es ,

when left in i gnora nce and filled wi th fears f rom the olde r
sex t eachi ng have developed s t ro ng i nhibi t ions agai nst j oy
,

ful part icipa tion in the legi t imat e relatio ns of no rmal mar
ried li fe .

You ng men develop similar fal se no tions ; but grea ter free
dom of discussio n and wide r experience more generall y mod
ity the se not ions b efo re harm is d o ne S till some men co n
.
,

t in n e t o th i n k th at , si nce a wom a n o f t he st ree t h as or pre ,

 The P sycho lo gy o f Lo ve 63

t end s t o h ave , exual de si re honest wives should be p as

s ,

s io nless O t he rs fea r t hat frequent e mi ssion of semen in

.

int ercou rse will weaken t hem reasoning fro m the false te ach
,

ing t h at all emi ss ion of semen i nduced by au to ero t i sm is -

rui no u s M any are i nhibit ed by memo ries of thei r past

.

lives even when t heir self co ndemnat ion h as no reaso nable

,
-

foundat ion from tho se co nfidences which would i nspi re th e

,

reciprocal c o nfid ences necess ary t o u nde rstandi ng a nd h ap

p mess .

If a suffi cient explanat ion of the managi ng o f the se p sychi c

anomalies h as no t already been give n t hi s whole matter may ,

be r educed to a ve ry few wo rd s Sympathy educat i o n deh

.
, ,

nit e enlight enment are all t ha t is neces sa ry

, P eople m u st .

be t old t hat many of these th i ngs t hought t o be low and,

si nful are no t so at all T hey mu st be convi nced t hat

,
.

everyone p as ses t hrough s ome of these experiences T hey .

mus t be made to u nde rst a nd that previou s to the age of

account abili t y t here is li tt le o r no re spons ibilit y
,
T hey .

mu st be shown that erro rs and sins may be ou t grown and

fo rgiven .
 C H AP TER I
I!

T HE AR T O F LO VE

“
Ah, sinfu
evil d o erc
l natio n, a p eople lad en with ini u q
ity, a seed of
. The w ho l e head is sic k, and the w ho l e h eart '

fa int Except the Lo rd of H o s t: had l eft u nto u s a ver

y
.

sm all rem nant, we s ho u ld have bee n as S odo m , and we sho u ld

have b een like u nto Go m o rrah
“
Co me no w, and le t u : rea so n to get h er, saith t he Lo rd : t ho u h
g
y o ur cine b e as s ca r l e t, t h ey s h al l b e cc w h i te a s m o w ; th o ug h
they be red like crim so n, the
y s hall be a : w o o l
“I
.

f y e be w il l in g a n d o b ed ie nt , y e s h al l e at t h e goo d of t he
land ; bu t if ye refu se and reb el ye shall b e devou
, red wit h the
”
s wo rd .Isaiah I, 4 , 5 , 9, 1 8, 1 9 , 2 0 .

I saiah w as a man of vi sion a prophet of th e Lo rd who

,

could interp ret th e doings of t he people of J ud ah in their

departure f rom thei r t raditions of religion morals and , ,

common humani ty as an index of the purgi ngs ch ast enings

, , ,

dev ast a t ions which should bri ng back the rem

, na nt of t he
chos e n pe o ple to an att itude of revere nce to God and t o
a piri t o f love nd service to fell o w m
s a - an .

T oday we t he Gent ile to whom P aul t urned in a similar

, ,

discouragement in a la ter dispensat ion bec au se of the un ,

heed ing ea rs of t he cho sen people need no prophet , so ,

f ar as our duty to ou rselves and fell o w m en is c o ncerned

- .

T hou sand s of scient i sts and alt ruis ts have show n na

t hat the ro ot of m o st of our s ocial evils lies in l ac k of
k nowledge o f a u niversal i nstinct and in a w rong attitude
t oward t h i s sacred fu ndament al of all li fe .

N o t only do we k now t ha t the princip al di sea ses of

s ociet y are div o rce p ro st itu tio n ve nereal di seas e u nh appi
, , ,

ness neuro si s and inetlic iency ; b u

, , t we k now t h at the et i o lo gy
o f t he se diseasees lie s in a wro ng u se o f th e sex life .

64
66 The A rt o f L ove

Before e nteri ng upon a co nc rete inve stigation of the art

of love so far as I know it myself or can lea rn it from t he
talks and wri t i ngs of ot hers it may be well t o me nt io n t hat
,

great numbers of books have bee n published recently many ,

o f them in the present year by seriou s s tudents of sex in

,

all pa rts of the civili zed world Wi th o ut except ion these

.

books advise general s t udy and explana t io n of this subj ect ,

while some of t hem go more or les s int o t hese det ails wh ich
I purpose to t ake up rather comprehe nsively in the follow
ing pages . A partial lis t of books valuable for supple m ent ,

ary re adi ng w ill be fou nd at th e end of t his book

, .

I propose to t alk as plai nly as a nyone c an t alk abou t the

m os t i nt imat e experie nces of husbands a nd wives Well . ,

and why no t ? Such plai n t alk would h ave bee n in good

form at several periods in th e world s histo ry A t ot her ’
.

periods it would have bee n the acme of i ndelicacy In .

modern times up to t he last decade thi s whole ma t ter w as

, ,

co nsidered an i ndece nt t opic Wi t hi n a very few years .

people in gene ral have come to underst and that t his is an

all import a nt subj ec t and t hat there is not hi ng improper
-

or i ndece nt about it S till the old t radi tio ns are so s t rong

.
,

t ha t th e few who k now hesi t a t e t o speak and th e many ,

who would lea rn hesi tat e to lis ten ; but talk and list en we
mus t if we are to cont inue t o dwell as a race t hat shall
pers i st and progress in a world where N a t ure has bee n
harnesse d to do ma n s biddi ng and where mat erial co mfo rts
’

and ideali st ic co ncept io ns approach t he z enit h .

Let the reader bea r in mi nd as he read s should he feel ,

s h o cked o r u nce rtai n that the t hi ngs which are s aid here
,

have been said t o t hou sands and will in the next few years
,

h e said t o millio ns of the mo st refi ned c ul tured and virt u , ,

ou s of bot h sexes and that no present k nowledge o r fu ture

,

discovery can pos sibly be of such value in p romot i ng human

h appi nes s efficiency and ethics as a t horough unde rstandi ng
, ,

of the art of love .

We have t alked wi th doct ors lawye rs mini sters wi t h , , ,

t eache rs from the lowe st grades to u niversit y pres idents wi t h ,

w rite r s t hi nkers and al tru

, , is t s who are co ncerned wi th eve ry
,

ph ase o f human well bei ng In these talks we h ave fo rgotten

- .
 T he A rt o f Lo ve 67

all abou t the sex t abu and tha t sex was any thi ng o ther
,

t ha n a u niversal hu ma n a t t ribu t e pote nt ial for 1m measurable

,

good or infinite harm We have reali z ed t hat ha rm has b een

.

in the ascenda nt b u t th at good was immi ne nt as soo n as

,

we learne d the what the where and th e when We have

, , .

forgot te n for the t ime sex dis t i nct io ns and hav e i mper so nall y ,

i nvest igated sex t hat we migh t in t he end more sanely ad

,

j us t our i ndivi du al sex lives t o our environments for the ,

heal th and happ ine ss of ourselv es and oth ers .

T his pre amble is preluded as a b ack fi re agai ns t th e in

s t inc t ive s h ri nki ng from t his d elic at e subj ec t of t h o se w ho se

eyes formerly accust omed t o the dark no w are bl i nded

, ,

by t he light of d ay It has ofte n been rem arked t o me

.

t hat a u thors w h o a t t e m p t t o deal w i th t h o se intimat e se xual .

rel at ions of men and w o me n w hi c h I here prop ose t o de ,

scribe are t o o b al d t o o fl ipp ant t o o m at e rial in th eir

, , , ,

t reatm ent of the subj e c t Y et happeni ng t o k now some of

.
,

t he s e au t hors I am sure th at t heir mi nds were clean their

, ,

morals were sound their purp oses were ad mirable their

, ,

d ed uc t ions w ere corre c t and t h at such allegatio ns as the

,

above w ere e nt irely u njus t H ere s h 0 pi ng that I though

.
’
,

no bett er quali fied t h an t h ey may say some o f t hese thi ngs ,

so simply s t raight fo rw ardly and co nvi ncingly that the

,
-

reader may gai n us e ful i nfo r m at i o n rat her th an wast e h is

tim e in an ov er c rit i c al a tt i tu de Res t a s sured tha t I shall
-
.

say nothi ng th at I w oul d no t say and h ave no t said many

t ime s looki ng s t raigh t i nto t h e u nbli nki ng e yes and u nblush
,

ing fa c es of men and w o men as u nimpe ac h ably vi rt uo u s and

as fas tidio us ly c o r re c t as any of those who 1 n searchi ng fo r ,

t rut h rea d t h i s b o ok
,
.

In discu s si ng t h e art of l o ve w hat was said in th e previou s ,

c h ap t er m u st be remembere d v iz th at the p sychology of love

, .
,

m ust go befo re and alo ng w i th the art T he me nt al c hai ns .

mus t h e loo sed th e s piri t mus t be free and re ady t o e nt er

,

fully and wi tho ut re s e rv e i nt o phy sical adap t a t io ns c o n ,

format i o ns manipulat i o ns befo re th e bes t results can b e ex

, ,

ec t ed in anv a tt em p t t perfec t t h e
ph y s i c a l side of love
p o .

“ ”
In Sex and L ife I gave a bri e f revie w of some of t he
det ails of t he phys i c al se x ac t be t w een husband and w ives .
68 The A rt o f Lo ve

Here though I cannot hope t o cove r all situa t ions since in

, ,

dividual pre mari t al experience is prot ean and individual

-
,

inheri t ance is multiform I shall try to expand my fo rmer ,

re sumé into fuller det ails of si tuat ions mo re numerou s and

va ried .

Frequently men and wome n complain of a dis c repa ncy in

t he si z e of th e ge ni t al organs A woma n complains that .

’
her husband s penis is so large t ha t inte rcours e is alway s
p ai nful A man complai ns that his wife s vagi na especially
.
’
,

after she has borne children is so large that the act give s ,

him little pleasure A ny such anomalie s rarely exis t in

.

reali t y If the woman t hinks her husband s organs t o o

.
’

large it is usually because he has never w ooed h er suffic iently .

A s a rule if this s ame m , an will by any or all of t he pre ,

’
limi nary a rts herei nafter desc r ibed be sure t hat his wife s ,

pa ssion at t he beginni ng of i nt ercourse equals o r exceeds his

o wn and t hat her ge ni t alia are tho roughly lubrica ted by a
,

profuse natural sec ret ion tha t h as been i ndu ced by h is

prelimi na ry excit atio ns t here will be no d iffi cul ty Indeed
, .
,

t h e larger his organ t he more gr a t ifyi ng he will be to h is

,

wife .

Some d iflicult y may att e nd the ru pturi ng of the hymen in

th e bride and occur in i nte rcou rse duri ng the early mont hs
,

of ma rriage B ut when the wife has been led t o desire

.
.

i nt ercourse great ly and t he hu sband is gentle and deliberate

,

in a t temp t i ng to m ake an ent ry ordina rily all diffi culties ,

are readily overcome Ou ra re occasio ns a t hick hymen

.

needs t o be i ncised by th e phy sician T hi s cau ses pract ically .

no pain requires no anaest he t ic and ought t o cau se no m o re

, ,

loss of self respect t han having a t oo t h filled

-
.

If the husband o n t he o t her hand complai ns that his

—
, ,

wife s vagi na is ove r large it is generally a co ndit ion mo re

’
,

app arent t han real ; and as in the fo rme r i nst a nce it wil l
, ,

be due to h is o wn ignorance of p rope r technique in the

maj o rity of case s .

O i cour se if his o wn o rga ns are i ns i gni fica nt o r if his wi fe ,

has some pelvic t rouble causing relaxat ion o r h as su stai ned ,

a pe ri neal tear at child bi rth which h as gone u nrepaired-

, ,

t he re is a real diflicu lty, which t reatm e nt o r surgical o pera

 The A rt o f Lo ve 69

t io n will usually correc t ; b ut as a general rule the fancied

discrepa ncy in si z e w ill cease t o exist aft er th e husband
learns to approa c h h is wife sexually only at such t imes
as she i nduced by kisses and a rde nt caresse s h as be e n
, ,

made eager for such approach .

If these few sugges tio ns are act ed upon it is pr actically ,

impos sible except in rare c ases of ana t omical abnormali t y

, ,

to find a m an wh o se generat ive orga ns are t o o large fo r

s at isfac t ory mu t ual i nt ercourse wi t h a w oma n havi ng the

sma lles t orga ns or t o find a m , an w ho se orga ns are t o o smal l

t o give c omplete s at isfact ion t o the woman whose organs
are larges t .

Brief ment ion may be made of t wo cases o ne comi ng t o ,

my att ent ion many ye ars ago and o ne rece nt ly w hich show , ,

t hat wha t is ofte n co nsidered a dispa ri ty in t he si z e of

t h e organs is really no thi ng b u t a de ficie ncy in t echnique .

A tall well developed man married a woman small in

,

s t ature T hough heigh t and weigh t are hardly ever a suffi

.

cient c ri terion fo r j udgi ng it happened in this case that h is

,

penis was ve ry large and her vagi na was very small For .

s e veral mo nth s he never made complete ent ry and she su f ,

fered much pai n wheneve r he made t he a tt empt A t such .

t ime s he had orgas m s aft e r a cert ai n amou nt of cont ac t

and pressure while she became very much exci t ed bu
, t had ,

no orgasm Fi nally they discovered that if he lay o n his

.

righ t side and back and sh e also o n her righ t side and back
, ,

upon him and w it h her back t o w ard him and w i t h her left ,

leg raised above his he could gai n e nt ra nce aft er a t ime by

,

g e nt le a nd per sis t e nt pressu re T his posi t io n was .varied

by faci ng each o ther he o n his right side and she o n her left
,

s ide. It w as al w ay s d ifficult t o gai n ent ra nce even aft er ,

she had had several ch ild ren .

Th ese peo p le were ideal lovers bu t absolut ely ignora nt of ,

the art of love excep t as t hey lea rned it for t hemselves

,
He .

never learned t ha t it w as desirable or necessary for the

woman t o be locally bathed in pre coi tal mucus befo re -

att empt i ng i ntercourse H e made no attempts to i nduce

.

t hi s while sh e w as so afraid o f h is hu rt i ng her th a t she had

,

no pleas u re and there was no moi st ure u nt il t he ir organs

,
70 The A r t o f Lo ve

had been t oge the r fo r some time Th en she bega n to have .

de sire and after they had been togethe r a lo ng t ime desire

,

bec ame i nt ense but she never had complet e orgas m duri ng
,

mt erco urse He never made improvement upo n his origi nal

.

method of entering her small dry vagi na wi th his t reme u ,

do u sl
y large dry
, pe nis .

She herself told me yea rs afte r her hu sband s dea th that

,
’
,

sh e felt cert ai n tha t t here never would h ave bee n an

y d i th
culty if they h ad u nderst ood the nece ssi ty of a prelimi nary
s tage and her husba nd had court ed her u ntil she had a
,

su ffic ient fl o w of mucus before he a tt emp t ed i nte rcourse

“
.

While thi s seems perfec tly reasonable t o anyone to make ,

”
asssu rance doubly sure it may be noted t ha t aft er yea rs of
widowhood during which she had suff e red agonies from
,

repressed desi re she consulted me t o obtain relief from an

,

ext remely neu rotic co ndit ion She disclos ed the fact th at .

she had reso rted t o au to erot ism by tit illat io n of the clitoris
-

o nly o n t he rares t oc casions under st ress of u nbearable

—
desire and wi th deepest shame aft er eve ry act of this na t ure
, .

I advised more frequent re sort t o au t o e ro tic relief and ,

co nvi nced her tha t she need have no feelings of shame or loss
of self respect o n account of this me thods of relief She
-
.

immediat ely improved ; and while sh e go t mu ch relief d id , ,

no t att ai n a perfec tly s at isfact ory orgasm and relaxa t io n

from ma nipulat i ng the cli t oris I then advi sed her to use .

s ome i ns t ru ment of a si ze and length suit able t o give com

l t a t isfac t io n She co nst ruc t ed an appara t us o nsid
p e e s . c

er ably large r and lo nger t han th e o rdi nary penis by means ,

of which she obtai ned perfect sat isfaction o nce or t wi c e a

week as w as nece ssary She e mployed t his device only ne ar
.

t he conclusio n of her aut o ero tic expe rie nces -

.

B riefly de sc ribi ng t h e recent case : a m an who se o rgans

were u nusually l arge and who se passions were u nusually
,

i nt ense ma rried a delicate girl who had th e usual kno wledge

,

in sex ma tt ers which the New E ngla nd gi rl of the bett er clas s

ordinarily h as in other wo rds no kno wledge at all and
, , ,

worse yet fo r she had a fear of acquiring any i nfo rmat io n

, .

T his man w as coarse grai ned never resort ed t o co u

-
rt i ng
,

or any prelimina rie s b ut i nsis t ed o n i ntercourse every day

,
 The A rt o f L o ve 71

and usually oftener He w as hurried and rough at t he fi rst

.

i ntercourse and gave her great pain and brou ght o n seve re
,

hemo rrhage whe n he rup tured th e hy men Neve rthele ss he .

,

demand ed i ntercou rse several t imes a day at that period .

La t er after learni ng that she had erosio ns prolap se leu

, , ,

co rrhce a co ns t ant pai n and tha t he gave her no plea sure

, , ,

he showed some shame and remorse at h is conduct ; but,

ignorant of what to do and driven by his fierce pa ssions he
, ,

kep t demandi ng i ntercourse in spi te of her pai n rep ulsio n , , ,

and local disea se .

A f t er this had co nt i nued seve n or eigh t yea rs and she h ad ,

rea ched a desperat e condi t io n both nervously and phys i

cally a mar ri ed man w ho lived near them began sho w i ng her
,

much ki nd nes s in many w ays and sough t her company 0 11 ,

many occasions She saw tha t he loved her though for a

.
,

lo ng t ime he said noth i ng about it ; and he neve r sugges t ed

anythi ng improper unt il her husband had in a similar way
become so i nvolved with his wife tha t it was known t o every
body that their rela tio ns were improper He then urged her .

t o go a way wi th him and she fi nally conse nt ed , After thi s .

bot h parties go t divorces ; and no w all are hap py each man ,

having married th e o the r man s wife No o ne of the se four ’

.

people except the husba nd of the fi rst woman has ever been
promi scuous sexu ally u nless divorce and t e marriage be c o n
,
-

s id ered p romi s cui ty T he m an re ferred t o beca m

. e so when
his wife was so ill that sexual rela tions were next to imp os
s ible. S ince his ma rriage to t he othe r man s wife he h as been ’

a perfec tly model husba nd and she is deligh ted with h im , .

T his woma n by the way is of a s tro ng robus t type ; and

, , ,

th e seco nd man who we will reme m , ber went away w ith th e

, ,

fi rs t wom an though a robus t full blooded m

, an wi th mo re ,
-
,

tha n ordi na ry sexual desire and abili ty had acco rdi ng to , ,

m
her accou nts never half sat isfi ed her
, Now wi t h the fi rst .
,

man wi th h is ore than daily attentions she is happy and

, ,

conte nt .

T he fi rst woman after a pe riod of seriou s nervou s depres

,

s ion and af t er some local gy necological t reatme nt

, becam e ,

pe rfectly well cau si ng wo nde r t o all who k new her She

, .

h as des i re and o rgasm whe neve r her new hu sb and p ro po ses

72
.

The A rt o f Lo ve

s exual i ntercou rse which is several t imes a week It is h is

, .

i nvari able cust om befo re int ercourse t o kis s and ca re ss her

, , ,

and t he n to t i t illate her nipples and cli t ori s unt il there is a

p rofuse secre t io n of pre coi tal fl uid She
-
love s him devo .
‘

ed ly responds ve ry quickly and never h as t he s light es t pai n

, ,

in i nte rcourse .

T he re aso n for ment io ni ng t hi s case in thi s connect io n 1 3

t ha t t his woma n has always t hought tha t t he pri ncipal cau se
of the diffic ulty wi th her first husba nd resulted fro m the
ab normal si ze of his peni s It is t rue that he was c o nsid
.

e red larger in this res pect tha n the second hu sband ; b ut

it mus t also be remembered that he neve r made t h e sligh t e st
att emp t to prepare her for i nte rcou rse while her second ,

h usband s att ent ion to these details is beyond all c rit ici sm
’
.

Now I have no t exami ned t hi s woman ; b ut she was ex

,

am ined and had tampo n t rea t ments of the ce rvix through

,

a speculum which did no t hu rt or inconvenience her She

, .

also had several misc ar riages at t he third o r fourth month .

A ll physicians w ould probably agree wi t h what she herself

no w believe s viz , t ha t her fi rst husband in spi t e of h is
.
, ,

h a ndicap of an unu sually large pe ni s need never have h urt ,

her except p o s sibly o n rupturi ng the hyme n and duri ng the

,

fi rst weeks of ma rriage no r have made hi m , self repugnant t o

h er bu
, t would have insu red her co nt i nued heal th and happi
ness if he had u nde rst ood and t ac t fully applied the funda
mental pri nciple s of t he art of love .

She asse rts tha t she did love him at first and that she was ,

s o rry t h at she could no t re spo nd t o his desire s in ki nd also ,

s orry t hat she had t o t rea t him as she did aft er h is abus e

m ade his ve ry presence noxiou s Even no w she wi shes h im .

all happi ness and is very cha ri table t oward h im as sh e

, ,

reali ze s t hat h is mis t re at ment of her was largely if no t ,

ent i rely due to igno rance and t hat her o wn ignorance at

, ,

t h e t ime w as as great as his .

T he t hought ful reader may draw othe r l esso ns from t hi s

case Though the two people of sensual or phy sical type
. , ,

are no w mat ed and th e two of higher ideals are t ogether it

, ,

is by no m e ans imposs ible p rovided all had been properly

,
74
'

The A r t o f Lo ve

well to cit e such a case no w blissfully happy in each o t her s

,
’

s ociety afte r ha vi ng lived t ogeth er over a quart er of a cen

,

tu ry.

T his man had neve r loved any o ther woman and h ad ,

never had i nt erc o u rse before ma rriage H e had pract ised .

as t h e lea st obj ec t io nable mea ns of relief for u nco nque rable

d esire though t his w as al way s co nsid ered a ground for
—
,

s evere self co ndem nat io n His you ng w ife w as at once the

.

p er s o nali t y of h is id e als an d t h e firs t and las t obj ect

of his passio nate desire Wi thout any i ns t ruct io n in sexual
.

matters he i nst i nc t ively felt that marriage should be a part

,

ne rsh ip in all j oys and s o rr ows and t hat t he wife shoul d ,

p a rt ici p a t e in sex life equa lly wi t h t h e husba nd .

She had experienced no o ther love a ff air and w as deeply in

l o ve w ith him She als o had never had se xual rela tions b ut
.
,

l ik ewise had prac t ised aut o erot i sm moderat ely for ma ny -

years having been taught early and havi ng had p syc hic
,

s exual shocks w hich prej udiced her agai ns t sexual t hi ngs

in ge neral and so influ enced her psy chic sex life t ha t an

unusual and persis t e nt sex i magery had resul t ed She also .

had received absolu t ely no sex i ns t ruct io n .

Th e you ng m an for a reaso n of his o wn and no t k nowi ng

, ,

t hat as a gene ral rule su c h a course w as advisable had

, , ,

r es olved t o have no i nt ercours e t h e fi rst nigh t .

T he you ng woma n wi t h no knowledge of phy s iology had

, ,

made up her mi nd as they were no t in good financial co n

,

d ition tha t t hey should abs t ai n from i nt e rcourse enti rely

,

f or some years no t dreami ng tha t this woul d i nvolve any

,

s erious res t raint o n the pa rt of t he husband si nce she ,

r eali z ed no sexual urge and though t she want e d o nly her

husband s prese nce ’

.

T hey lay aw ake in each other s arms all the first nigh t
’
,

t alki ng over t hese matt ers T hey ki ssed and e m

. braced like
o rdi nary love rs b u ,t he made no at temp t s at special caresses ,

t hough his desire was ext reme and h is erec t pe nis was p ressed
a gai ns t her the grea t er part of the night She was nei the r .

dis tu rbed by thi s no r solici t ou s o n accou nt of h is su ff eri ngs ,

s i nce she supposed t hat thi s e rec t co ndi t ion was the na tu ral
 T he A r t o f Lo ve 75

and perma ne nt st a te of t he organ H e t old her t hat it .

wo uld be impossible for him to live wi th her and sleep wi th

“
her and co ntai n indefi nitely She fi nally unders tood and .

acquiesced in his proposi tio n tha t they at t empt i nterco urse

in t he nea r fu ture T his nigh t w as o ne of u
. ndreamed o f -

happi ness in spite of her timidit y and his s ufferi ng

, .

T hey mad e th eir first att em pt t he ne xt a fte rnoo n He .

,

remembering t he i nst ru ct io n he had derived fro m dru m mers ’

ya rns t old her of t he hym en and that he would t ry no t t o

,

hu rt her in breaki ng it He made th e a ttem pt as gently

.

as it w as possible for him t o do in his s t at e of al mos t unc o n

t ro llable desire and had an org as m almo s t i ns t a ntly after
,

beginni ng t o exert pressure H e was ut terl y di sgus ted w i th

.

himself at his fail ure but almost i mme d i at el y tri ed agai n

, ,

as h e had lost nei ther des ire no r erec t i o n ; and after a few
moments t he hy men gave way cau si ng c o ns id er able p ai n and
,

s ome hemorrhage ; and he almos t im m e d i at ely had a no t her

orga sm S he t imidly enj o yed the c o nta c t w i th h im b ut had
.
,

no erot ic feeli ng A t this j u

. nc t ure a k no ck o n the door
int errupt ed proceedi ngs and a ha sty t oilet was made pre
,

parat ory t o t he admissio n o f a caller .

For several days th e bride had some local t e ndernes s b ut ,

no t e no u gh t o p revent i nterc ourse whi c h w as solici ted but , ,

never dema nded by t he gr o om s ev eral t ime s e ach ni gh t

,
T he .

b ride at t imes had c o nsider abl e ero t ic fe eli ng and usually ,

e nj oy ed h is presenc e b ut after a fe w week s sh e though t his

,

ap proach es al to ge ther t o o freq uent H e als o w as much .

d isappoi nt ed no t t o have her res p o nd full v as he had im ag

ined t hat sh e w o u ld In order t o a c com p li sh h is id eal of
.

h avi ng th e i nt erc o urs e p er fec tl y mu tu al h e began t o ,

r est rai n h i ms el f ho pi ng t h at b y s o doi ng sh e w o uld after a

, ,

t ime s h o w s o m
, e si gn of de siri ng h im When sh e failed t o do .

t his he b ega n in add it io n t o ab s tai ni ng several days t o

, , ,

repea t th e ac t tw o th r ec or fo ur time s w i th o nl y a minut e

, , ,

or t wo after ea c h s uc c essive orgasm h o p ing in tha t way ,

t o carry t he ex c i tem e nt whi ch sh e us uall y had in some

,

de gree t o a cl imax T h is obj ec t w as no t att ai ned u ntil

, .

aft er some mo nth s wh en by mutual agree ment after they

, , ,

had abst ai ned nearly a w eek he repea t ed the act seven t ime s
,
76 The A rt o f Lo ve

wi th almost no i nterrup tio n Coi ncident all y wit h his last

.

orgasm in this series she h ad the fi rst orgas msi nce her mar
r iage
. Du ring t hese mont hs t he re had been no p repa ratio n
of the wife except the i ns t i nc t ive embraces kiss es and gen , ,

e ral caresses common to most young couples who t hough ,

i gnorant of t echni q ue t ruly love e ach other

, .

T his method was co nt i nued b u t was imp roved upo n aft er

,

t he still t rembli ngly d iflident wife placed his hand s o n her

b rea sts T he husband t hough woefully ignor ant, was no t
.
,

p articularly stupid He reas oned that if s o much we re

.

agreeable more and similar thi ngs would be delight ful

, .

F rom that t ime o n he began to hold and ki ss h is bride s ’

bre asts and gently manipulat e her nipples as a p relimi nary

t o i ntercou rse Some mo nths l ater in the cou rse of these
.
,

p relimi naries she placed o ne of his hands o n her geni tals .

H is rea soni ng powe rs agai n h elped him and b e i nvest igat ed ,

unt il he found t he c li t oris an organ t he exis te nce of which

,

he already knew wit hout dreaming of its functio n T here .

aft e r it w as his cu st om t o manipula te t his orga n gently p re

cedi ng i ntercourse and at t he conclu sio n of the o the r p re
liminaries above alluded to She h ad been led to re nder t hi s
.

a ssistance t o him because in her fo rmer pract ice of au to

e rot ism it had bee n her cus t om to first excit e her nipple s and
then her clit o ris T hough she had t old h er husb and short ly
.

afte r her marriage all her former au t o erot ic expe riences in -

,

respo nse t o his similar d i sclosure s she had t old him not hi ng ,

abou t t he method .

Duri ng t he first few yea rs of t hei r married life her ,

orgasms gradu ally i nc reas ed in numbe r fro m three o r fou r

th e fi rst ye ar t o ten o r t welve the fou rth year F ro mt hat .

t ime o n th ere was a gr ad ual i nc re ase u nt il aft e r t we nty ,

five yea rs it w as no t unu sual fo r her t o have o rga sm sev

,

e ral nights in suc cesssio n ; and this was the rule du ri ng her
p regnancies A general avera ge would be t h ree o r fou r
.

t imes a w eek .

Th e husband p ractised repressi o n and i ntercou rse wi t h o ut

emi ss ion so t ha t he as a rule was able t o pos tpone complete

i nt e rcourse u nt il she could be made desiro u s of it by re sort

ing t o the afo re said p relim i narie s, though his vi rility was
 The Art o f Lo ve 77

s uch t ha t at her o rigi nal suggest io n he at times repeat ed th e

ac t o n his o wn acco u nt o ne or mo re t im es i m mediately o r
duri ng the same night afte r she had had an orgas m T h is .

was always agreeable to her and she generally h ad some ,

erot ic feeling ; but only o n t he rarest occas io ns did she

de sire or have a seco nd orgasm he rself .

In t he earlier years of their wedded life this wife oft e n

rep roached her husband for his excessive desires and often ,

i ntimat ed that all he cared abou t her was for t he phys ic al

rela t ion ; but afte r fi ft een or t went y years she t ook it all
ba c k and said she w as ashamed to have made such allega
t io ns She conceded that he l o ved her j us t as she did him
.
,

and that t heir love for each ot her w as a ps ychic and phy si
cal relat io n of th e most ideal nature .

T hese people have never had an ill ness si nce their mar
r iage in t heir early t w e nt ies ; t hey have a large family of per

fectly healthy children ; and t hey and t he childre n have bee n

u nus ually bu sy at ma ny ki nd s of mental and physical labor .

A Typic al Case o f N ewlywed s Who Und ers to o d the A rt o f

Lo ve

If all couples co uld gradually att ai n to a happy solu t ion

of th e sex rela t io n like the couple above described pe rhaps
, ,

t here would be no grea t need of a t rea t ise o n t he art of

love S t ill in this case k now ledge wo uld have saved much
.
, ,

me nt al and physical su ff ering which persis ted at i nt ervals ,

duri ng several years B ut no t all are thus co nst i tu ted ; and

.

t he vas t maj orit y of couple s who begi n some what as t hey

did or under more advers e c irc ums ta nces become irri t a ted
, , ,

a nnoyed and gradually aliena ted from each o ther u nt il their

,

s exual affilia t io n is li t tle or no th i ng ; and t h en they bo th

become neurotic or o ne (o r both ) becomes infatuat ed wit h

,

s omeo ne of t he op osi te sex o r they fra nkly give up t he

p ,

ghos t and seek t emporary diversio n and relaxat ion in free

l ove or promis c uous rela tions .

So perhaps it is aft er all worth while t o talk about and

, , , ,

w rite abo ut the art of love I have discussed t his subj ec t

.

with many you ng men and wome n befo re ma rria ge and t old
the m wha t li t t le I k new He re is an account very s imila r
.
,
78 The A r t o f L o ve

to fo rty that I might give of a c ouple wh o had such inst ruc

,

t io n
. T h i s c o uple h ave been m arr ied nearly four years I .

“
gave them my fi rs t book Rat i o nal Sex E thi c s t o read ”
, , ,

and suppleme nted t his w i t h sever al co nvers at io ns co ncern

ing t h e proper c o nduc t of sex u al mat t ers after they w ere
marri ed .

T his couple were ma rr ied soo n after we e nte red th e worl d

war ; and t he hu sband w as in camp for so me t ime visi ti ng h is ,

w ife at i nt ervals and w as then m

, ore than a year overseas .

T h e accou nt of t heir early relat io ns is given by the wife an d ,

afte r his return by the hu sband

“You are aw are that my husba nd had no prac t ical kno w l
.

edge of the marriage relation before our marri age I thi nk .

t h at he i nt ended to go ba ck t o c amp after his weddi ng Wit h

ou t any sex u al relat io ns whatever ; and he fo ugh t th e good ‘

fi gh t from abou t o ne o clock u ntil so m ewhere arou nd six in

’ ’

t h e mo rni ng I do no t k now if b e de rived any sat i s fact ion

. .

I k now I did no t It w as very p ainful for me and I had a

.
,

peculiar feeli ng as if I w ere c hoki ng T he n I cried A bout . .

t wo hours la t er we were more su c ces s ful b u t no t for me , .

T he followi ng ni ght he had to leave fo r ca mp o n an early

t rai n and we t he refo re did no t u ndress
, However t o my .
,

complet e surp rise he was exci te d e nough t o desi re i nte r

,

course ; and as I was de si rous t o o this happened and I had , ,

complet e sa t i s fa c t ion for the fi rst t ime T he i nte nse emo .

t io n bei ng more t ha n I had ever ima gi ned broke me do wn

, ,

completely and po or J , t hou gh t I w as ill Be fore t hat .

I had never any desi re for sexual relat ions of any ki nd ,

although I have a volupt uous nature and was alw ay s

i ntensely att rac ted by the oppo sit e sex Si nce my marriage .

it seem s t ha t somet imes I ca nno t co nt rol mysel f

“In thi s connect ion J
.

seems t o t hi nk that any great

,

de sire sh o wn o n h is part makes our lov e appear low and

degraded H e wants our love t o be set apart from h is
.

desi res ; but I say th at t h is cannot be ; for wit h the t rue love ,

of man fo r woman there is nothing low or degradi ng in ful

,

fill ing th e na tural desires of thi s same love desi res which are ,

part of us like th e desire for beautiful music etc A m I

, , .

right o r w rong ?
 The A rt o f Love 79

Th e econd t ime J
s came from camp two week s ,

aft er, it was my menst ru at io n pe r iod and al t hough it w as ,

very hard for us bot h myself especially at this t ime we, ,

agreed that no thi ng should happen and not hi ng did A bout , .

t en days l at er he had four days leave Du ri ng t his per iod ’

.

we had i nte rcourse at leas t tw ice each nigh t with i nterv als ,

of a fe w hours be t w een We were bo t h very ignorant ; but

‘

wi th a li ttle though t and concent rat ion we were success fu l

t wice in gett i ng complete sat i s fac t io n t oget her which w as ,
”
t he result we wa nted .

T here w er e similar results o n t heir t wo or th ree sub ec

quent meet i ngs befo re t h e h usba nd s depa rt ure fo r ove rseas ’
.

P revio u s t o his marriage this man had su ff ered much from

repres sion During his absence overseas he felt forced t o
.

resort t o aut o ero t ism from t hree to five t imes a week H e

-
.

has h ad sex relat ion wi th no woman b ut h is wife before o r

s i nce his marriage A ft er his re t urn and the resumpt io n
.

of their relatio ns he t akes up the account as follows

“Sexually we seem to be almos t perfectly mated A bout
,

, .

t hree times she has failed t o have an orga sm whe n I had

mi ne Once I made up t he defi ciency after a lap se of a few
.

minu tes though I had no ne the second t ime T he failu res

, .

have bee n due t o my s t arti ng t o o soon o r no t soon e nough ;

bu t she has fou nd no fau lt We were t ogether a day and a .

night befo re I was mus t ered o u t and had successful i nt er ,

course night and mo rning I was di scharged th ree days .

la ter ; and for three succes sive days we had complete i nte r
course night and morni ng T hen she began to mens t ruate . .

Duri ng t he four days of her mens truat io n my desire was

such that o n tw o nigh ts she a ff orded me manual relief and
o n t wo nigh ts I refrai ned For t he next thi rty fi ve day s.
-
,

t here were six day s wi t hou t i nt ercourse T wice she relieved .

me manually Several t i mes i ntercours e h as been t wice a

.

day so tha t i nt ercou rse occurred thi rt y fou r t ime s in the

,
-

t hi rt y fi ve days always mu t ual except for the three t ime s

-
,

me nt ioned I wo nder how normal t hi s sounds T he abst i

. .

ncno c is i nt e re sti ng We wo uld bo th agree to it mo stly t o

.
,

prove t o each o ther wha t w e could do ; but we both a dmi tte d

t hat it require d much efl o rt
'

I feel though t hat the dis .

80 The Art o f L ove

play of a ffe ct io n o n these occasions was more genui ne O nce .

or tw ice it has i nvolved fits of crying o n bo th side s We e ach .

love so intensely and can t fi nd mea ns of expressi ng it all

,
’
.

I nt ercourse do es no t do it completely eve n though we are ,

bo t h pe rfectly sat isfied physically I t hink t hat t hi s occa .

s iou al abs t i nence is more successful t hough a great physic al ,

s t rai n . We usually lie t ogether from o ne to three hours

b efore any t hing definite o n the subj ect of i nt ercou rse is
s ugge st ed or at te mp t ed I am in almost every instance the
.

aggressor We dis cu ss everyt hing wi th perfect f reedom no w

. .

L had expressed a prefere nce fo r me in bed with her

with no clothi ng o u and I have complied O u occasion sh e
, .

h as volu nt arily t aken o ff her o w n S t ill nei ther of us will .

,

c omplet ely expo se ou rselves t hough we are familiar wi th

,

each other s di ff erences Nei ther of us fi nds the ot her bold

’
.

or disgust ing If anyth ing I am the prude Cont act wi th

. .

her always gives me an erec t ion ; and it st ays s o metime s for

hou rs I nt ercourse does no t allay it though I should no t be
.
,

i nterest ed more than t wice in a half hour or th ree t imes in a

night . N o t t hat it is weakeni ng for I always feel stronge r ,

a mi nute or so after it I have run t he usual two miles imme

.

d iately after it in be t te r t ime t ha n I ever did befo re I no .

lo nger walk up a flight of stairs I spri ng up t hree flights .

, ,

t w o t h ree and four st ep s at a t ime ; I am so happy and

, ,
”
ambi t iou s and I seem to walk o n air all t he t ime
, .

A later record cove ri ng from the third t o t h e seventh

mo nth of th e w ife s pregnancy is summarized as follows In
’
.

a hundred and t wenty days there was inte rcourse eigh ty fou r -

t imes . O uthree occa sions only did the wife fail of complet e
o rgas m O u thi rt y ni ne day s there was no inte rcou rse
.
-
.

Du ring o ne week s absence the husba nd re so r ted to au t o

’

erot ism t wice and had o ne noc tu rnal emission During this .

four month s peri o d the wife relieved him six t imes ma nually
’

“
.

h
’
Q uo t i ng from t e hu sba nd s accou n t he says : No s igns ,

t ha t t his is doi ng eit her of u s any t hing b u t good O ur .

ple asu re seems mo re each t ime I am st ill the more vi rile .

,

bu t c an co nt rol my self if she wishes it I amwonde ri ng how .

t hi s all sounds and whe n t o di s cont i nue

, She does no t think .

my weight does her any h arm b ut is no t su re I keep most , .

82 The A r t o f L o ve

st imulants duri ng th e fi rst months or yea rs in which they

are opera tive T herefore before men or women take account
.
,

of st ock as t o t he relat ive force or frequency of their sex

desires they mu st dis pose of all fal se fears and exa mi ne their
real selves .

A m an may be so cons t itu ted tha t he has s t ro ng sexual

desire every day or twice daily wh a t ever his occupat ion or ,

ideals and have thi s a perfec tly normal co ndi t ion Indeed
, .
,

Ih ave given exam ples of rare excepti o ns w here desire per

s is t ed and at ifi at i n was ac omplished in n c ase au t o
g r c o c o e ,

erot ically in the ot her by natural i nt ercourse fi ve or more

, ,

t imes a day for many years Both these men were hard
.

workers and always in perfe ct health and in external ,

appeara nce and co nd uct no di ff ere nt from ordinary men ; but

s uch are rare cases as are also tho se I have no t ed of men
,

w h o w hen t here was no provocat io n would co nt i nue a mo nth

, ,

o r more wi t h sex u al exci t ement ; and even when ma rried

t o norm al women whose freq uent desi re s they were co nscious
of fou nd i nte rcourse dis tas teful or a burde n i f i ndulged in
oft ener tha n o nce a mo nth T h e las t condit ion is p resum .

ably pa thological si nce men of thi s sexual t ype are usually

,

s pa re weak spi neless and apprehe nsive

, , , I h ave fou nd very .

few who did no t exhibi t marked im p rovement in ge neral

health and increase in sexual urge after educa t ion in sex
mat ters and regular habit s of physiologi c al sex livi ng .

B y far th e grea ter nu mber of men living under normal co n

d it io ns of s t ress and s trai n in love wi t h w ives wh o love them
,

and are respo nsive have s t rong sex desires w hich may be
,

s afely
gr at ifi ed whe n t h e part ner welcomes t his (quo t i n g
“
fro m my book Sex and Li fe ) five or s ix t i mes a w eek i f
”
,

under thi rty five two to four t imes a week bet w een thirt y
-
,

five and fift y fi ve and o nce or tw ice a w eek bet w ee n fi ft y

-
,

fi ve and seventy five Beyo nd that age I have kno wn men

-
.

t o cont i nue t o i ndu lge for several years at a ra t e of abo ut

o nce a week also sev eral who c o nt i nu ed t o i ndulge irregu
,

l ar ly o n an average of o nce in t wo o r three weeks u p t o t h e

age of ni net y .

Follo w ing is an ex trac t from a hist ory in my pos sessio n

M r and M rs
. . had been happily ma r ried fi fty five years -
,
 The A rt o f Lo ve 88 ~

were s till love rs Th ey had t hree sons all marr ied and
.
, ,

t welve gra nd childre n all in perfe c t heal t h ; and t hey them

-
,

selves had always been perfec tly w ell M rs as c ribed . .

t heir many years of perfe ct happi ness t ogether to co m plete

s ex adj us tment T hey had i nt ercourse tw o or th r ee t i mes a
.

week which she al w ays enj oyed as m uch as h e r hu sb and

, .

She had a shock at t he age of sevent y ei gh t and was ill sev -

eral weeks O ne morni ng though co ns c io us she w as v ery

.
, ,

weak and had a subnormal t e mperature

, T he D r said . .

she could no t live twenty four hours She s el ec ted th e dres s

-
.

she wished t o be buried in T he hu sb and w as hea rt broke n .

-
.

T he followi ng morni ng her t empera ture w as no rmal and

she was improved in every way It w as then le arned that .

sh e and her h u sband had had i nt erc ours e d uri ng t he night .

She co nt i nued t o gai n and di ed tw o years la t er at th e age

,

of eigh ty ou tlivi ng h er husband who d ied o ne year after

, ,

t h e ev ent record e d at th e age of seve nt y s ix

,
-
.

Wo ma n sho uld t ake her cue from man when she fi nds o ut ,

wha t her hu sband s real sex nature is She s h ould e ndea vor
’
.

no t t o t ax him t o o severely ei t her by rep re ss io n or by over

,

exercise I put this obli gat ion o n the w om an si nce it is to o

.
,

obvious to di scuss and t o o wc ll known t o be d enied t hat -

a woma n is no t ha rmed by i nterc o urse o f any freq ue ncy ,

b ut is al m os t invari ably b enefitted if it is moder at ely f re

s ires it and d e rives co m
q u e nt providi
, n g she de ple t e s at is fac

t io n each t ime .

Bu t sh o u ld th e man whose na tural ap t it u de for int er

c ou rse is t w ice a week p ersis t for ye ars in i ndulgi ng t wice o r
t hree t i m es t ha t amou nt or o ne who se nat ural rh yth m is
,

five t im es a w eek i ndu lge r egu larly eight o r t en t imes to

grat ify art ifi c ially st imulated passi o n or a sexually act ive
w ife it would u nd o u
, b tedl y red uc e h is mental and ph y s i c al
effi c iency and p erh ap s le ad t o im p o t e nc e and o t h e r b ad
e ff ect s T he wife who is chary of her se xual favors sho uld
.

also reme mber th at i f sh e rest rict s a man wh o s e nat ural

rhyt hm is t h ree t o fi ve t imes a week t o once a fort nigh t o r
o nce a mont h he w ill h e as surely i nj ured and p ro b ably
more seriously by s uch o ver re p ressi o n) as t he man wh o
,
-

h as made exce ssive use of his se xual po w e rs N euro s i s i nst a .

,
82 The Art o f Lo ve

st imulants duri ng t he fi rst months or years in which they

are operative T herefore before men or women take account
.
,

of st ock as to t h e relat ive force or frequency of their se x

desires they mu st d ispose of all false fears and exa mi ne their
real selves .

A m an may be so co ns ti tu ted that he has s t ro ng sexual

desire every day or tw ice daily wh a t ever his occupat ion or ,

ideals and have this a perfec tly normal co ndi t io n Indeed

, .
,

Ihave given examples of rare except i o ns w here desire per

s is te d and at ifi at i n w a ac omplished in n case au t o
g r c o s c o e ,

erot ically in the other by nat ural i nt ercourse five or more

, ,

t imes a day for many years Both t hese men were ha rd.

wo rkers and always in perfect health and in external ,

appeara nce and co nd uc t no di ff ere nt from ordinary men ; but

s uch are rare ca ses as are also those I have not ed of men
,

w h o when t here was no provocat io n wou

, ld conti nue a mo nt h ,

o r more wi t h sexual ex c i t ement ; and even when married

t o normal wome n whose freq ue nt desire s they were co nscious
of found i ntercourse dis tas teful or a burde n if i ndulged in
o ft ener tha n o nce a mo nth T he las t condit io n is p resum .

ably pa thological since m en of this sexual type are usually

,

s pa re weak spi neless and apprehe nsive

, , ,I have fou nd very .

few who did no t exhibi t marked improvement in ge neral

heal th and i ncrease in sexual urge after educa t io n in sex
matte rs and regula r habits of physiological sex livi ng .

B y far the greater number of men livi ng u nder normal c o n

d it io ns of s t ress and s t rai n in love wi t h w ives wh o love t hem
,

and are responsive have s t ro ng sex desires w hich m

,
ay be
s afely gr at ifi ed whe n t h e part ner welcomes t his (quo t i ng
“
from my book Sex and L ife ) fi ve or s ix t i mes a w eek i f
”
,

under thi rty five two to four t i mes a week betw een thir ty
-
,

five and fi fty fi ve and o nce or tw ice a w eek bet w ee n fi fty

-
,

fi ve and seventy five Beyo nd that age I have kno wn men

-
.

t o conti nue t o i ndulge for several yea rs at a ra t e of abou t

o nce a week also several who co nt i nued t o indulge ir regu
,

l ar ly o n an average of once in t wo o r t hree weeks up t o t he

age of ni nety .

Foll o wi ng is an ext rac t from a his t ory in my po sse ss io n

M r and M rs
. had bee n happily ma r ried fi fty five years
.
-
,
 The A rt o f Lo ve 88

were still lovers Th ey had t hree sons all married and

.
, ,

t welve gra nd c hildre n all in perfec t heal t h ; and t hey t hem

-
,

selves had alw ays been perfec tly w ell M rs as c ribed . .

t h eir ma ny years of perfe ct happi ness t oget her t o co m plete

sex adj us t ment T hey had i nt ercourse tw o or th ree t i mes a
.

week whi ch sh e always e nj oyed as muc h as he r hu sb and

,
.

She had a shock at t h e age of sevent y ei gh t and w as ill sev -

eral weeks One morni ng though co ns c io us s he w as very

.
, ,

weak and had a subnormal te mpera ture T he D r sai d

, . .

she could no t live tw enty four hours She sel ec ted t h e dress -
.

s h e wished t o be buried in T h e hu sb and w as heart broken

.
-
.

T h e follo w i ng morni ng her t empera ture w as no rm al and

she was improved in every way It w as th en le arned that .

she and her husband had had interc o urse d uri ng t he night .

She co nti nued t o gai n and di ed tw o years la ter at the age

,

of eight y ou tlivi ng he r husband wh o d ie d o ne year after

—
, ,

t he e ent recorded at th e age of seve nt y six

v , .

Wo ma n should t ake her o ne from man when she finds o ut ,

w ha t her husba nd s real s ex na ture is S he sho u ld e ndea vor

’
.

no t t o t ax him t o o seve rely ei t her by repre ss io n or by over ,

exercise I put this obligat ion o n the woma n si nce it is to o

.
,

obvious to dis c uss and t o o w ell known t o be d enied th a t -

a woma n is no t b a nned by i nt ercourse of any freq uency ,

b ut is almos t i nvari ably b enefit t ed if it is moderat ely f re

co m
q ue n t providi
, n g she de s ires it a nd d erives p le te s a tis f ac

t io n each t ime .

Bu t should th e man whose na t ur al ap t i tu d e for i nt e r

course is t w ice a week pe rs is t for ye ars in i nd ulgi ng t w ice o r
t hree t i m es t h at amou nt or o ne who se nat ural rh yth m is
,

five t i mes a w eek i ndu lge reg u larly eight o r ten t imes t o
grat ify art ifi c ially st i mulated p assi o n o r a s e xually act iv e
w ife it w o u
, ld und o ub tedly red uc e his mental and ph y s i c al
effi c ienc an d erha le ad t im o t e n an d o t h e r b ad
y p p s o p c e

e ff e cts T he wife who is chary of her se xual favo r s sho ul d

.

als o reme mber tha t if she rest rict s a man wh o s e nat ural
rhythm is three t o five t imes a week t o onc e a fort ni gh t o r
o nce a month he w ill he as surely i nj ured and p ro b ably
mo re seriou sly by such o ver re p res s i o n) as t he man w h o
,
-

h as made exces s ive u s e of his s exual po w e rs N euro s i s i ns ta .

,
84 Th e A r t o f Lo ve

b il ity , irascibili ty relat ive impotence are common symp

, ,

t om s of excessive rep ressio n Women also vary in sex desi re

.

and capability ; and it is harder t o de termi ne the real sex

na ture of wome n t ha n t ha t of m en T heir psychic inhib i .

t ions are grea te r and ha rder t o overcom e It is a fact t hat .

comparat iv ely few wo men have a t endency to spontaneou s

sex excit ement except after long periods of rep ression ; so
t ha t in t h e abse nce of an inte llige nt h u
, sband who k nows ,

the art of court i ng his wife and of p repa ri ng her for i nte r
cou rse the wife s real na tu re may never be k nown
’

—
, .

T he re are m any women perh aps o ne fou rt h of all women

,

( t he s e fi gure s mu st n o t be t ake n in an exa ct s e ns e b ut o nly ,

as an es t imate ) who have spo nta neous exci tement tre

,

quent ly and who c an always respo nd immediat ely w hen t hei r

,

husbands exhibit desi re for t hem A few properly belongi ng .

t o this clas s perhaps o ne in fi ft een will no t only always have

, ,

a complet e o rgasm when their husbands do b ut may h ave ,

f rom o ne t o eight orgasms in rapid succession in the course

of half an hour I repea t my former stat ements to t he ef
.

feet tha t such women are perfect ly normal and that t hey ,

s hould be fully
gr at ifi ed whenev e t hey have i nt ercourse It .

is far better that such women su ffer from i nfrequency of

rela t ions t han from p art ial sat i s fact ion .

T h e large maj ori ty of women perhap s tw o thi rd s of all ,

-

women seem to desi re and long for when no t af raid or

, ,

a shamed of t heir desire s and lo ngi ngs and to req ui re fo r ,

t hei r be st healt h and effi c iency i nt ercourse once o r t wice a

,

week wit h some ext ras be fore after o r du ri ng the men

, , ,

stru al peri o d .

Some o ne may c ri t icise my kno wledge o n th is l ast st a te

ment and my j udgment whe n I say that I have frequently
,

advis ed couples t o have i ntercourse duri ng the wife s mense s ’

,

when it had become appa rent t ha t she had her greate st desi re
for it at this t ime and whe n after t rial it was found that
,

t his wonderfully reduced t he p ai n and t he ne rvou s sympt om s

of tha t pe ri o d .

I cannot be exact ; b ut I thi nk I have had at least twent y

case s of th is variet y ; and though mo st of the men and some
of th e women were skept ical at fi rst when I advi sed m o de r ,
 The Ar t o f Lo ve

at e i nt ercourse duri ng that period all are h appier all have , ,

been apparently be ne fitte d and no w bot h men and women

,

alike rega rd my intuit io ns shaped by their a ns we rs to my

,

ques t ions as li ttle short of divina t ion

, .

I give a su mmari z ed record of t he experiences of o ne

couple for fi ve mo nths of the p resent year I have k nown .

t his couple all their lives In short o ne of t hem weighed tw o

—
.
,

and o ne half pou nds whe n my professio nal se rvices were

firs t required . I learned some years ago and before! th e ,

bi rth of their child re n that this woman was very nervous

,

and t hat she su ff ered i nte nse pai n duri ng her me ns t rual
period ; also t hat she had normal sexual desire wi t h mo d
e rate freque ncy bu t that she failed at t imes t o at t ai n an
,

orgasm in i ntercourse I p rescribed moderate i ntercourse

.

during mens t ruat ion w i th the happ y result that pai n and
,

nervou sness at t his t ime completely di s a p p eared T hi s .

couple are bot h in perfect heal th and their unio n is unblem ,

ished by bickeri ngs o r hea rt aches -

—
.

R ec o rd . M arch Duri ng tw ent y five days of this month

.
-

intercou rse occurred eleven t imes T he w ife had orgasm in .

i nt ercourse five times ; and o n o ne oc c asio n when exci tement

was i ntense and prolo nged after int ercourse in which she
,

failed of t his she i nd uced it herself by manual meth o ds

, .

Duri ng th e six days of her mens t rual p eriod t hey had per ,

fectly s at i s fa c to ry mut ual orgasms in i nt ercourse once each

day for the firs t three days .

A pril . This mo nt h they had i ntercourse t welve t imes in

t wenty four days
-
She had orgasm in i ntercourse six t imes
.
,

and o n o ne occa s io n brought t his o n aft er ward as in the ,

previous month Du ri ng t h e six days of mens truat ion they

.
,

had i ntercourse o n t he seco nd third and fo urt h days She , .

had enj o y ment but no orgasm o n th e seco nd i ntense enj oy

—
me nt but orgasm s had to be self eft e cted o n the t hird and
'
,

perfec tly sat isfacto ry orgasm in i nt ercourse o n the fou rth .

May Intercourse elev en t imes in tw ent y five days Five

.
-
.

t imes o u t of t he eleve n t h e w ife had orgasm and again t his ,

was accomplis hed o nce aut o erot i c ally aft erward O u the -
.

s econd , t hird and fourt h days of th e six day mens t rual

,
-

e i d t hey had i nt ercour se w i t h mu t ual orga sm o n the sec

p r o
86 The A rt o f Lo ve

e nd , comple te o n the third and p rolo nged exci teme nt

no t , ,

which she termi nat ed au t o e rot ically afte r int ercourse o n the
-

fourth .

Ju ne Intercou rse six t imes in twenty four day s T he

.
-
.

w ife had four orgasms in the nat ura l way and o ne self
i nduced afterw ard T he me nses as usual las ted six days
.
, , ,

and t hey h ad i nte rcourse o n the firs t second and fou rth , ,

days wi th perfec tly sa tisfact o ry mut ual orgasm s each t ime , .

July Intercou rse occurred thi rte en t imes in tw enty fi ve

.
-

day s duri ng which t he wife had orgasm eight t imes with out
,

t h e sligh t es t difficul ty T he me nses las ted six days as us ual

.
, ,

wit h i nt ercou rse o n the third fourth and sixt h day s O n , , .

t he third day she had t wo complet e and s at isfyi ng orgasm s

duri ng o ne interc ourse this bei ng t he fi rst expe rience of the
,

ki nd she had ever had O u th e fo urth and six th days she

.

enj oyed the i nt erc ourse and had moderat e exci t ement but ,

had no orgasm and fel t no deprivat io n o n ei ther occasion .

A gai n t aki ng up our mai n theme : T here is a small frac

t ion of women left w ho have really very li t tle spo nt a neou s
de sire and w ho do no t respo nd readily t o any of the k nown
,

device s of any already discovered an amand i .

It may be s aid that I make t his class to o small ; but I am

qui te sure that I do no t t hough o n th e surfa ce it may ,

appear so .

Th e rea son why ma ny appear in t hi s clas s who do no t

really belong there is that in o ur p resent societ y there are
very ma ny w omen usually u nder thirt y (who would be
, ,

c lassed by M arie S t ope s and ot he rs as u ndeveloped ) wh o

after that age gradually become respo nsive to their h us
,

ba nd s adv ance s T hese s ame women were du ring t he firs t

’
.
,

five t o eigh t y ea rs of marriage u nrespo nsive and claimed ,

no t t o enj oy sexual relat io ns .

N o doubt the re are a few whose devel opment is really

slow ; but the vas t maj or ity of these w omen become respo n
sive aft e r their husbands begi n t o learn how to approach
t hem and after t hey themselves begi n t o lea rn from their
, ,

ob servat ions their t alk s wi th no rmal ma rried women the ir

, ,

readi ng of ho nes t e st imate s of th e purity desi rabili ty and

, , ,

necessi ty of sexual love in marriage .

88 The Hrt o f Lo ve

passion in i ndividu als of the same sex and tho se i nherent in ,

th e t wo sexes t he ques t io n na t urally arises wh at is to be

, ,

do ne abo ut it ? We ha v e alread y spoken of removi ng t he

psychic checks o r i nhibi tions to a normal sexual experi
,

ence ; b ut before pro ceedi ng to spec ific remedies it may b e ,

well to give brief mentio n of a co ndit ion fairly common in ,

ne rvous A me ric an m en which is partially the result of

,

psychic i nhibi t ions but which is also determined t o some

, ,

e xtent by physical pathological fac t o rs T hi s condi tion is

, .

k no wn medically as ej aculatio praeco a M a ny men as a '

.
,

rule those who are easily excit ed sexually are chagrined to ,

find t hat almos t at t he firs t co nt ac t of i nt ercourse or imm e ,

d iately aft er i ntro mission they h ave an o rgasm T hi s

, .

orgas m may be sa t isfactory t o them so far as complet e ,

ness and sens at io ns go or it may be i ncomplete and at te nded

,

wi th very lit t le sens at ion In any c as e it is extremely .

,

humiliat i ng to the husb and and it is i nvariably i nj u rious to ,

t he wife ; for it leaves her wi t hout any normal sexual sa t is

fact ion occu rring as it does ofte nt imes befo re her desi r e
, , ,

is arous ed at all and al w ay s be fo re she h as attai ned an

,

o rgasm She is t hus left m a res tless unsat is fied irri t able
.
, ,

s ta te which variously leads to i nsom nia ch ronic bad t em

, ,

per hys t erical condit io ns and other neuroses as well as t o

, , ,

f requent local phy sical diso rders result ing from chro ni c ,

e ngo rgement of the pelvic orga ns .

A ny lis t of the cau se s of p recipi t ate ej aculat io n would be

i ncomplete b ut a l is t of s ome of the pri ncipal ones may be of
,

value
rely p sychic such as fea rs of i nabili ty to pe rform
.

1 .Pu ,

th e act p ro perly fe ars of i nj ury to potency from au t o

,

e ro t i sm or fo rmer excess in i ntercou rse l ack of sympathy ,

bet ween the partne rs etc , .

2
. E xc essive repre ssio n as in the c ase of a m an (who se ,

w ife is apparently cold and u nresp o nsive and wh o repro aches ,

h im for h is sexu al i ncli na tions and obj ect s t o t h e wh ole pro

cedut e ) who has po st poned i nt e rcourse and k ept h is desire s
,

in sub j ect i o n u nt il he has nearly reached th e limi t of h is

endu r a nce O f cou rse in such a c ase the sight of his w ife in
.
,
 The A rt o f Lo ve 89

negligee, or of i nte rcour se wi th her i nstantly

the thought
bri ngs o n a s t a t e of ahno st irresis t ible desi re aft er which ,

the slightes t t ouc h o r caress may induce a p recip i tat e

orgasm .

8 Ove rwork anxiet y worry o r any prec ariou s s tate of

.
, , ,

general health all opera te to lowe r ne rve to ne and dimi nis h

,

no rmal co nt rol Often in t hese c ase s desire also is muc h

.

lesse ned ; b ut whethe r desi re is of u sual or lessened tre

q y
u enc , whe n it doe s come a n d i nt ercourse is att
, emp t ed t h e ,

lowered ability t o co nt rol allows a precipitate orgasm .

41 Va rious a nat omical peculi ari t ies or malform

. at io ns o r
local p athological condit ions may be respo nsible fo r thi s
a nomaly for i ns ta nce a tight prepuce a const ricti ng ba nd
, , ,

in some part of t he prepuce ad hesion to the gla ns a t o o , ,

sho rt frae num an i nfl amed glans or bulbou s u re t h ri t is p o s

, ,

terio r ureth ri t is pros tat i t is or semi nal vesiculi t i s

, .

5
. T his c o ndi t io n may in some cases be a perfec tly no r
mal mani festat ion analogous t o t hose occasio nal i nst ances
,

of wo men who h ave been described as so su sceptible th at t hey

have orgasm almo st at t he begi nni ng of i nte rcou rse and have ,
befo re s atisfactio n is complete in the course of half an hour, ,

from two to eight orgasms in rapid successio n .

6
. T hi s is also obse rved at t imes whe n a m an who re ali zes
t hat he does no t fully sat isfy his wi fe keep s repe at i ng his
attem pt s t o do so H is a nxiet y co ncerning his i nability , t he
.

i ncomplet e orgasm which results from his knowledge of his

i nabilit y and from her lack of co opera tion and the o ft -
,

repe a t ed orgasm all these fac tors t oget her

, o r any o ne ,

of them ) sometimes lead t o i ncreasi ng p recipi tancy in his

,

o rgas m .

7 A ve ry frequent c au se is c o itu s ih term tu s o r wi th

p
.
,

drawal and at times al so rese rva tu s

, When t here is much .

concentrat i o n o n t hi s eve nt before t he withdraw al this ,

p sychic di st ract ion c ombined w i th the necessarily inco m

,

p lete o rga sm le ad s
, at t ime s t o di m i ni shed e nj oy me n t an d
finally t o p recipi tancy in ej acula t ion I have known c ase s o f .

men wh o fe aring to impregnate their wives o r falsely fear

, ,

ing th at the l o ss o f sem en w o uld be inj uri o u s to them selv es,

90 The Art o f Love

have prac t i c ed reservatus or i nt ercourse wi thout o rga sm

, ,

f o r long perio d s wit h t he end resul t s of le sse ned desire ,

imperfect erect ion and precipi t at e o rgasm

, .

T he t rea tment of this co ndit io n when it ari ses from phys i

cal causes is by local medic at ion mas sage of prost ate sur , ,

g i c al
, or various remedie s and r e gime n ; and a good phy sicia n
o r a geni t o uri nary surgeon should be co nsul t ed
-
.

Such remedies as I have t o sugge st for this t rouble when ,

it is the result of psychic causes or t hose ord i narily u

, nrec
o gniz ed I c an bes t give when des c ribi ng t he co nduct of t he
,

act of i nt ercourse .

D iflerenc es in Tim
‘

I
t is o nly speak of the di ff ere nces in the t ime
nece ss ary t o
required for i ntercourse or of frequency in desi re t o i nsure
, ,

co mplet e u niformi ty ; for it is obvious that remedies fo r

t he se nat ural di ff erences mus t be much th e same as those
for di ff erences in the s t rengt h of desire and pas sion .

T he general idea o ne get s from st udy of the relat ive

s trength of desire and passio n in men and women is that
few couples are prepa red at marriage to live in complete
sexual harmony and in comfo rtable physiological adjus t
ment ; and they never will be prepared u ntil each pa rt y t o
t he co nt ract has learned th e normal sexual rhy thm of th e
o ther and they have both agreed t o necessary compromises
,

and they have bo t h e ntered w hole heart edly i nt o a t h orough

-

st udy and a judi c iou s use of the art of love .

: N ecessities
T h e Lo ve L o ngings and S ea o f Wo men

P e rhaps no preamble is ne ce ssary t o a somewhat det ailed

desc ription of t he mos t obvious preliminaries t o that love act
bet ween men and women c o ncerni ng which so lit tle is said
,

in poli t e so ciety yet co ncerni ng which in poli t e and impo

, ,

lit e societ y so much is th ough t and ima gined by all i ndi

,

v id uals throughou t the forceful and ambit iou s the j oyful ,

and virile years of life the act by w hich o n every honey

, ,

moo n a man is ei ther made sel fi sh brut al and ashamed ; and ,

a woman is humiliated viol ated and de secra ted o r the mos t

, , ,
92 T he A r t o f Lo r e

we re reali zed b ut cheapened saddened hea rt sick wit h

, , ,
-
,

cons t a nt lo ngi ng for lover s kis ses and smiles of aff ect ion ;
’

and all the w hile if she is a normal woma n she is ash amed of ,

t he very normali t y of her na ture losi ng self respe ct becau , se -

of the i nexpres sible phys ic al discomfo rt of na tural desire

which beco m ees i rrepres s ib le afte r lo ng aggravat io n wi thout

s at i sfact ion .

The follow ing illus t ra tio n is o ne that m ay be essent ially

duplica ted scores of t imes in any t own of moderat e s i ze and ,

thousa nds of t ime s in any large ci t y T his may furni sh food

.

for though t t o those wh o imagi ne th at I have been roma ne

ing. A b rief exce rp t of t he his t o ries of a m an and w ife
whom I h ave advised several t imes du ri ng t he las t year will
explai n the si t uat io n .

T he m an prac t iced auto erot ism a li t t le in h is early t ee ns ;

-

he was much frigh tened abou t t his and was taught to sup
pres s sex as some t hi ng di sgraceful and unbecoming He .

became convi nced that all se nt iment was i rreligious and ,

t hat all expendi t ures of seme n was a severe d rai n o n h is

v i t al forces A t t w e nty two he ma r ried fo r a wife a no r m
.
-
al
undeveloped girl of eight een w ho had h ad no experience wi t h
auto -e rot ism and li tt le erot ic feeli ng but who did h ave fond ,

illusions of love afl ec tio n a man a home and babies

'

, , , , .

H e loved her as ardent ly as it was po ssible fo r a man t o

love who was no t especially virile and who had su ch a back ,

ground of fear and repre ssio n as has been desc ribed H av .

ing no knowledge of t he art of love and no desi re t o cu lti

va te it he had sexual relations wi th her w it hout prepa ration
, , ,

t h ree o r four t ime s a week for the fi rst few weeks T he fre .

queney gradually dimi nish ed and for a time aft er her first
,

b aby was bo rn it occurred once or t w ice a mo nth A fte r .

t hey h ad been married t h ree years t here we re often i nte r

val s of several mo nth s when there were no sexu al relations .

A ft er she had bo rne t h ree ch ildren she los t t he youngest

baby ; and in her gr ief she desired a nother to t ake its place
, , .

B y th e t ime t he husba nd had become so m aroo ned in his

ascet icism t hat he h ad lit tle sympathy w ith her mot he rly
inst i nct s yet felt it a du ty t o try t o grat ify her
, Though .

h e h ad been a fairly r obu st m an at th e t im e o f his m arriage,

 The A r t o f Lo ve 93

he had, fo r no acco n mtable reason, been sliding rapidly down

h il l , and had become t hi n, u nemot iona l, t ired of life In h is
m
.

rare atte mpts at int er c our s e he h ad a c ipi tat e o r as

p re g
af t er o bt aining, wit h dfi cu lt y , a part i al ere ct ion H e c o n .

t inne d f o r some t im e t o m ake t hese im r fe ct att e m p t s at

p e

int er course ev ery t w o or t hre e w eeks In t his manne r he .

merely tantalized h is w ife ; f o r her des i res w h ich h ad gradu ,

ally increased w i t h t he years had by t h i s t im ,

e be come alm o st

unbearable ; b ut he neit her succ eede d in br inging her t o t he

p oi nt of orga sm n o r
, in imp g
re nat ing h e r .

B y day s he s u ff ered fro m alm o st c o nst ant des ire and at ,

night she cr ied regu larly for hours w h ile he p e acef ul ly slept
, ,

w it h h is back to he r and w ith ou , t a k iss o r caress o n go ing

t o slee p or o n w aki ng to relie ve t he m
, onot ony T here w as .

not hi ng to sho w th a t the y w ere m an and w i fe as ide f romt he ,

perfunc tory feeble uni ntell igent atte mpt s at int e rco urse o n
, ,

s uch oc casio ns as he r mo the r lo n i n s and y s i c al s ufl i ’

g g p h er ng s

t ouched some u ne xtingu is hed s p a r k o f m anh o o d in him: o r

poss ibly it w as fear o r j ealous emo tion t hat st irred h im s i nce ,

s he h ad no w come to have o c c as i o nal h s t e ric al o u

y t b urs ts ,

when s he w ould s ay t hat s he w ant ed lov e and m us t h ave it ;

and if he w ould no t or could no t give it s h e w o ud l eave h im;
and the i m plicat ion was that she w o u l d go wit h so m e ot her

man .

Such was the c ond it ion when she co ns ult ed me Iwill no t .

g o far in t o d et ails as t o t r e at m ent s inc e t h,o u g h a g re,a t

change has bee n wrought it is no t yet by any means c o m
,

p let e . T h e t re at me nt lik e t
, h e gene r a lit y of m y t re a t me n t
in such c ase s involve d l it tl e b u
, t an att e m p t t o g i v e c o m m o n
sense advi ce ; and o f cou rs e is involv ed tal king w ith b ot h
pa rties T he att em pt w as made t o a w ak en in him a s ense
.

o f his res pons ibilit y t o h is w ife t o ap p e al t o his prid e by

,

bringing himt o realiz e th at it w as inev it abl e t h at under h is ,

s e nt ogra m she w ou l d ei th b ec o m e a rm a n en t
p re p r ,
er
p e

neu ro t ic o r do as sh e h ad t h re at ene d t o d o l eav e h im per , ,

h aps mc o mpany w it h s ome oth er man

,
.

U nder s u c h s t im u l i h is fl ic kering l amp o f l o v e h egan t o

b urn w it h s tead ier fl am e She w as mad e t o underst a nd t h at
.

h is c o ld ness and ind if erence did not ne c ess arily m ea n t ha t

94 Th e A r t o f Lo ve

he did no t care for her , b u t t ha t his c o ndi t ion w as l argely

th e f au lt of h is forebe ars and early a ss ociates , w ho had fille d
his he ad w i th such fooli sh , ascet ic no t ions She was ad vised
“
.

”
to p o ssess her so ul in patie nce , and while w ait i ng for his
rej uven scenc e o ob ai n aut o ero t ically such rel ief as w as
e t t -

ne c e ss ary t o relieve t h e i ns om ni a and allay t h e t orme nt i ng

physi cal desires which w ere t hreat eni ng to t ra nsform her
i nt o a co nfi rmed neuro t ic .

She heeded this advice and t ried bot h cli t oridean stimula
,

t io n and t he classic me t hod of Lucea ; b u t w h ile she obt a ined ,

marked reli ef in t his way she was unable t o get a comple t e

,

and sa t isfac t ory orgasm by eit her met hod Both hu sb and .

and w ife were i nst ruct ed in th e art of love She w as t o l d t o .

employ such seduct ive art s as she possessed and t o a t tempt ,

t o st imulat e him ma nually She was advis ed whe never t he

.
,

organs w hose fu nct io ns h ad become nearly ext i nct from dis

,

use showed si gns of returning t o vigor t o make special no te of

, ,

it and t o pra ise him for his manly quali t ies H e in t urn w as .
, ,

t old t hat in st imula t i ng her nipples and cli t oris he woul d no t

o nly bri ng her exc i t ement t o a high pit ch b ut that wh ile ,

doi ng this th e co nte mpla tio n of her increasi ng exci teme nt

would prove t he s t ronges t s t imulat ion t o the rehabilit at io n
of his o wn attenua ted virili ty A t fi rst his att itude w as
.

skeptical ra ther t ha n enthusias t ic ; and his st a t ement th at

life w as no t wort h li vi ng w as no t very encouragi ng S till .
,

at las t he reali z ed his wi fe s su ff eri ngs and tha t they had

’
,

come about through his o wn i nadequacy ; and he made a

mo re determi ned e ff ort .

Nearly a year h as elap sed ; and the b aby which sh e so

much desi red h as al re ady arrived and she is happy Sh e , .

h as day s incre as i ng in freque ncy when sh e is supremely

, ,

happy when she says her husband really appears t o lov e

, , ,

her whe n he will t alk wi th her look her in t he eye and ki s s

, , ,

her a ffec tio na tely H e is also able to ob t ain readily a per

.

fec tly s at isfac t ory erec t io n and c an delay orgasm t en or

,

fiftee n mi nut es aft er begi nni ng i nt erc o urse They i ndul ge .

t wo or three t im es a week and she get s co nsi d erable sa t i s

,

fact ion each t ime ; b ut th ough she is able to ar rive at th e

very verge of th e orgasm and h as recently done so as ma ny
,
96 The A rt o f Lo ve

l st . mu st be freedo mfrom psychic inhibi t i o n i e

The re , . .
,

bot h the man and wife sho uld so unders t and sex as to be
free from sh ame in regard t o thei r sexual feelings fo r each
ot her and as regard s their bodies and sexual o rgans T hei r
, .

nude fo rm s sh o u d be t o each the mo st ae sthet i c works o f

art t he u ns peakably beau tiful tenements in which res ide t he
,

mind and soul of that o ther pers onality which s t andi ng ,

ou t clear and di st i nct from all o thers drew t hem t ogethe r ,

as i ns ep arable ma tes Then from th e arti st ic cont empla

.
,

t io n of thei r physical ch arms o n t h e weddi ng night o r in ,

t he early day s of the honeymoon there s h ould spri ng i nt o ,

bei ng as a result of the ineft able psych ic e re thism of thei r

'

s pi ri tual commu nio n t oget her wi th t h e a nt icipat ory deligh ts

,

of th e ki sses and care sses of t he d ay s of court ship like Ve nu s ,

f romth e sea an ove rwhelming lo nging o r love o r passio n

, , , ,

fo r each o ther s bodies T hi s should no t b e and is no t c o n

’
.
, ,

t rary to the usual no t ion as a rule prima rily a desire fo r

, ,

s elfi sh gra t ifi c atio n It should be a d es i re o n t h e pa rt of

.

each t o express to t he fullest and to t he othe r s complet e ,

’

comprehension the love which they have been t ryi ng all along
t o exp re ss by i nadequa t e speech by t i m id glances and by , ,

su p e rfi c ial a n d i ncomple t e ca res ses .

A s a result of a defi nite k nowledge of t he re al u nwhi te ,

washed i nner live s of many men and many women I say that
, , ,

t h ough some are ca rri ed o ff t hei r fee t tempora rily by the

whirlwi nd of long repressed passions to a sel fish enj o yment
which takes little thought of the mate p ract ically every ,

wo man who m arries h er husba nd fo r love look s upo n the sex

ual act as th at complet e su rrender by which she c an show her
fulles t love and give her husband greates t pleasu re ; and
no ma tt er wh at the conseq uences to herself she is w illi ng t o ,

k eep her o wn desi re s in the background looki ng upon h is .

h appi ness as the all impo rtant conside rat ion Likewi se all
-
.
,

t ru e men and th ere are a h ost of them feel t he same way ,

, ,

and would if they knew how and it we re nece ss ary igno re

, , ,

t he sac rifi ce and feel it th eir chief deligh t to stifle t hei r o wn

,

d esires and refra in from a clim ax of pa ssion which seems

'

i rre sis tible if in so do ing they could i nsu re to their wives the
 The Ar t o f L o w 97

s ensat ions wh ich they them selves experienc e and the clim ax
which they t hems elves crave .

In speaki ng of t his as th e right and fit ting and most per

fect w ay for m en and w omen t o mat e I would no t utterly ,

disparage t hat o t he r way fairly common whe re the first

, ,

and pa ramount expe rie nce appea rs to be a m ut u al sense

att raction In fact such couple s find li ttle d ifficulty in
.
,

arrivi ng at complete sexual adju stment in t he early day s of

ma t rimo ny ; and ma ny of t hem when the senses are satisfied, ,

and whe n t he pass ions cloy begi n t o find th e exhau stl ess ,

riches of e ach othe r s souls and t o look o n t hese new found

’ -

delights wit h affec tion and capt ure just as did those who se ,

soul s w e re first j oi ned when they beheld t he phys ic al pertee

tions of each ot her s bodies
’
.

2 nd
. A fte r fear shame prude ry fal se modest y etc have
, , , , .
,

been set as ide it is highly desi rable that bo t h pa rties remem

,

ber t ha t all t hrough their wooi ng the re has been t he feel

ing t h at the fulles t love co u l d no t be expre ssed adequ ately in
wo rds but only by sacrifices We ignore much that the poet s
, .

and novelis ts t ell u s abou t th is b u t it is well wo rth co nside r

,

ing as a realit y .

Eve ry man wants t o do some da ri ng deed of sacri fice fo r

his lady ; every woman desi res to u ndergo some pena nce t o ,

accompli sh some ac t of com ple te re nu nciation fo r her man , .

He re is the oppo rt uni ty fo r bot h t o c arry o ut such nobl e

resolut ions or aspi rat ions in the self eff ac i ng p relimi narie s
,
-

t o t heir mut u al love li fe ; b u t to the u nselfish and t o th e

selfish a like let me po sit ively asse rt that in t hi s c ase vi r tue
—
is its o wn reward ; such self sacri fic e has it s c o mpensations ,

and the o ne who t rie s for th e complete p sych ic and so m at ic

s atis fact io n of h is m ate find s in t h e attempt ed sac ri fic e o f

int elligent love the greate st j oy that man o r wom an c an

a t t ai n to in t hi s ea rth The man should keep in mi nd t he
.

ide a that self rest r ain is his greate st cont ribut io n and
-
,

the wom an th e ide a th at act ive respo nse is her gre at est ad
di t ion t o her hu sb and s h appi ness and their mutu al j oy
’
.

8t d All the world sh ould be excluded The early d ay s .

arri age are no tim mily o r friends, no r

.

of m e fo r visi t s with f a
 °

98 T h e A rt o f Lo ve

for busi ness or worry T he young people should be by them .

selves in a world of their o wn u ntil t hey fully understand

each o ther and are at least pa rtially adj us ted .

4t h Grea t pat ie nce should be exerci sed o n the part of

.

bo t h and a recept ive att i t ude in which o ne live s and loves

,

and learns and pos tpo nes final j udgments While wit h s ome .

c o uples adj ust ment is almos t i ns t a ntaneous wit h many ,

o thers even with t hose w hose k nowledge is complete and

,

whose e ff orts are mutual it may t ake mont hs or years T his , .

is t rue because t h e many i ndividual di ff ere nces which I have

de scribed or shall describe ne c ess i t at e t ime and s t udy of th e
art of love and much experiment before sexual affilia t ion
,

c an be complet e .

Ordi narily th e prelimi naries t o i ntercourse and th e c o n

duc t of it should follo w ce rt ai n well recogni zed principles -
,

w hich t ake cogni z ance of t h e aggressive ness of t h e male and

of his imperious qui ckly arou sed rapi dly culmi nat i ng pas
, ,

s io ns ,and of th e quiescent slow ly arouse d na t ure of t he ,

female whose passi o ns are usually brought t o co nce rt pi tch

,

o nly by much cou rt i ng and ma ny t ender c aresses while they ,

remain at or ne ar this poi nt for some time before a pe rfec t

c ulmi na t io n can be e ff ec ted
“ “
.

”
In Sex and Life in th e chapter e nt i tled
, T h e A rt of ,

L ove ”
, I gave a brief resume of the usual procedures p relimi
nary t o and duri ng t he love ac t for t h e ordi nary couple .

Ra ther than t o w rit e a simi lar desc rip t io n I shall quo te a few
ages from t hat chap t er which t h ough no t al t oge t her sat i s
p ,

facto ry and i nvolvi ng some repet i t ions I doubt if I could

, ,

i mprove upon .

A ft e r t hat I propose t o t ake u p some of t h e ca se s which

r equire special attent io n and u nusual method s .

You ng hu sba nd it is well for you t o k now some sex fac t s

,

about a woman She c rave s always from puberty to senil

.
,

ity h and clasps soft looks embraces kisses love and appre
,
-
, , , ,

c iat io n Cou rtship mus t be co nti nuous aft er marriage if

.

s h e is t o be happy and her h u sband is t o be t ransfi gured .

Cou rti ng after marriage should be like court i ng befo re mar

1 00 The A rt o f Lo ve

rule hu sband sho uld gent ly ma nipulate her cli tori s wit h
th e
his finger u nt il her part s are thoro ughly bathed in moi sture
and her excit eme nt is s upreme .

T here is so much ignorance concerni ng t hi s procedu re and

so much u nde rst anding and su ff ering result ing from this
ignorance (wi th i n a mo nth I have had to explain this poi nt
t o six couple s all of whom have been m arried over t en
,

ye ars ) tha t I am going t o explai n more fully in regard t o

t hi s .

T he cli to ri s is t he organ in a woman which would have

, ,

been a penis h ad she developed i nt o a man i ns te ad of a

woman It h as t he same po ssibili t ies of erect ion and sensa
.

t ion It is oft e n the only pa rt of a woman s sexual orga ns

.
’

in which there are dis t i nct ly sexual se ns at io ns before mar

riage ; and u nle ss t here are delight ful sensat io ns aroused in
,

t his orga n t o begi n wit h t h e you ng wife or any wife for

, , ,

t hat ma tt er seldom has t he se se nsat ions in her i nte r nal

,

sexual organs T h e w oman may have an orgasm or sexual

.

climax from manipulat ion of the cli t o ri s alone but thi s ,

orgasm is no t so complete sa t isfyi ng or nat ural as when the

,

sensat io ns be gi n in t h e ext e rnal and are gradually carried

over to the i nternal organs and have their culminat ion t he re .

T his li ttle organ is usually no t larger tha n a bean and it ,

may be difficult t o locate unless it is exci ted and e rect It .

is si t uat ed ju st abo ve the ope ni ng of the vagi na where t he ,

l abia mi no ra o r i nt ernal lip s come to gethe r and cove r t h e

, ,

clit o ri s as wi th a hood jus t abo ve the O pening It is no t

, .

o nly desirable that thi s orga n be t horoughly exc1ted befo re

begi nni ng intercourse but it is usually nece ssa ry that thi s
,

orga n should be in cont act with t he uppe r su rface of t he

peni s duri ng i nt ercou rse Th e fac t t hat thi s organ is situ
.

at ed a li ttl e above the vaginal openi ng in some w omen ren

ders it necessary for the husba nd to k now it s exact locat io n
and co nd u ct hi mself acco rdi ngly It is a good rule that .

husband and wife in i nt ercou rse so t il t thei r hip s that t he

upper p art of the vagi na and t he st ructu re s ju st above it
are al w ays in firm contact wi th the peni s Some few wome n .

w ill no t allow their husb ands t o touch this organ v ariou sly ,

claiming th at it is p ainful , unnatural o r disgust ing I t hi nk .

 The Art o f Lo ve 1 01

that abou t forty such ca ses have come u nder my attent ion .

S o far I h ave no t fou nd a case t ha t was no t due ei ther t o a

feeling of sh ame tha t li ngered in the w om an s m ind from ’

memories of m asturba ti ng by playing wi th this o rga n when

s he was a girl or rem na nt s of o ld feeli n s of horror and
g
fright which she had w he n sometime during her i gnorant
,

and i nnoce nt girlh ood some old or middle a ged m

, an co m ing -
,

upo n her w it hout warni ng s neakingly rea c hed be neath her

,

s ki r ts and t ouched accident ally or i ntent io nally this lit t le

, ,

o rga n.

A fte r the clit oris is thoro u ghly exci ted and no t t i ll then , ,

should the husba nd gently or forcibly as his w ife desires , ,

p ress his peni s i nt o her vagi na From no w o n it w ould seem

.

t ha t t he comple t io n of i ntercou rse was a very simple pro

cedut e ; but t his no t at all the cas e for there are very ,

many met hods or po si t io ns all eq ually healthful and

,

proper any o ne of which is usually perfec tly sat isfac tory to

,

t h e husba nd bu
, t only o ne of which ( o r at mo st tw o ) is
likely t o prove at all sat isfac tory to the wi fe T he husba nd .

s hould no t res t easy no r should h is w ife allow him t o

, unt il ,

t hey have discovered t he methods and po si tions which giv e

h er grea te s t pleasure and complet est orgasm A few of the .

most import a nt poi nts may be b riefly ment ioned T he .

maj o ri ty of w omen declare t ha t before they c an have an

orgasm the penis mu st t ouch a ce rt ai n place No w this cer .
,

t ai n place is t he end of t he w o mb which prot r u des i nt o th e

,

vagi na T his is cyli ndrical an inch or t wo in d iameter and

. , ,

s ligh tly cupped at t h e l o wer end and c an us u ally be reached

wit h t h e fi nger . Si nce th e womb is usually t ipped slightly
upward or back to o ne side o r th e oth er this end of the ,

womb or cervix poi nts in di ff e rent direct ions in di ff erent

, ,

women It will be a matter of experi ment at io n fo r each i ndi

.

v idual c o uple t o determi ne t h e posi t ion req uired in orde r

t hat t he gla nds or head of t he pe ni s shall t ouch w he n t here
, , ,

is deepes t penet rat ion t h e external os of the ce rvix ut eri

, ,

or the lowe r end of th e womb of the wife , .

Some of the p o si t i o ns which hav e t o he re so rted to any o f ,

which are perfectl y healt hful and legi t ima te i f necessary ,

fo r the a t tainme nt of mu tual plea sure and orgas m are as ,

1 02 Th e A r t o f L o ve

fo ll o w s : the husba nd above ei ther upo n his elbows and

,

knee s or lyi ng flat h is l egs ei ther ou t side his wife s o r betw ee n

,
’

th em or bo t h a ro u nd eit her o ne of hers ; t h e wife ab o ve

, ,

assu ming any of t he po si t io ns wh i ch w ere menti o ned w i th th e

husba nd ab o ve ; lyi ng o n eit her side faci ng each other w i t h , ,

l egs in any co mfo rt able posi t io n or lying o n ei ther side ,

w i t h t he w ife s back t o her husband ; or wi th t he husba nd

’

lyi ng o n his back and th e wife s i t t i ng upon h im and faci ng

h im or the reve rse Other posi t i o ns are in use b ut t hese
.
,

are t he most common T he posi t ion is imma terial if th e

.

sat isfac t io n of bo t h parties is complet e I wish t o emph a .

si ze this because I have frequently found th a t many couple s

wh o have lived lo ng years to ge t her during w hich th e w ife ,

had never bee n completely sat i s fi ed have adhe red s t rictly t o

-

t he o ne so called c l assi c al posi t ion (t he husband abov e and

-

ast ride ) and have thought t ha t any o ther posi t io n was

,

immodest i njurious or in some unexpl ai nable way unor

, ,

t ho d o x .

I make brief ment io n of a few poi nt s commonly over

looked T h e husband should always e ndeavor t o have his
.

w ife experience a complet e orgas m T h e wife s h ould al w ays .

be perfectly frank in te lli ng her h usband whether or no t sh e

h as do ne so if by any chance he is u nable t o det e rmine t hi s
,

from her appearance and act io ns If as s omet imes hap .

,

pens he is u nable t o de fer his o wn orgasm t ill sh e is re ady

, ,

and he is u nable t o repeat the ac t immediately and she , ,

after the te rmi nation of intercourse co nt inues in a s tate of ,

u nsat is fied desire he should no t hesi t at e t o relieve her by

,

ma nipulat i ng th e cli toris unt il she h as an orgasm or by ,

bringi ng this about wi th his finger in t he vagi na Somet imes .

t he w i fe c an accompli sh th i s bett er herself in which case she ,

should be encouraged to do so Very oft en a pe rfectly no r .

mal woman (sexually ) h as no desi re o n a part icular hour ,

’
day or week and her husband s att emp ts at s timulatio n pro
,

duce nothi ng but pai n and irritat ion H e should no t long .

persi st in these attempts u nder these ci rcums tances If h is .

r epression had been p ro longed and his exci t ement did no t

,

r ead ily sub s ide it would be perfec tly proper for h im t o

,

s at isfy him self w i t hou t bri ngi ng his wife t o t h e climax if

1 04 The Z rt o f Lo ve

s moot h face or beard will find favo r when a

a well t rimm ed -

roughened check will invi te i ndiff erence or repulsion .

Befo re I depart t o o far from th e subj ect let me emph a ,

s iz e t hat while m
,en alm ost i nvariably love to look upon the
u nado rned cha rms of their wives many wives especially the , ,

you ng and unsophis t ica ted are po sit ively s hocked by the ,

s igh t of an u ndraped hu sba nd though such a form may b e ,

more perfect than any produced by t he art or sk ill of P raz

iteles .

P erfec t drawi ng room ma nners are a desirable accompli sh

-

ment t act ful bed room et iquett e is art supreme

,
-
.

It will be no t iced from th e foregoi ng brief desc ript ion t h at

t he ordi nary proper nece ssary ort h o dox u
, , nblush ed abou t , ,
-
,

t horoughly t o be enj oyed preparat io n for i ntercourse

i nvolves embracing kissing nude cont act delights of the
, , ,

eyes ti t illat io n of nipples of cli t ori s of nymphae of

, , , ,

ure t hra and vagi na pressure o f penis agai nst various part s
, ,

of th e wife s body and especially agains t her cli toris In

’
, .

all t he se proceedi ngs th e husba nd natu rally t akes th e i ni ti a

t ive and should be welcomed in t his by t h e wife and seconded
,

by her as far as possible She should no t fear t o tell her .

h usband which of these procedures are delight ful and which

are u npleasi ng ; and he should be governed accord ingly She .

s hould no t only c o o pera te wi t h him in his e ff o rt s to mak e

-

her desi re for i ntercou rse imperi o u s and irresi stible b ut as , ,

I have i ndicated s hould caress and encourage him the

,

while She should unders t and tha t it is ext remely diffi cult
.

f o r the ordi nary vigorou s newly ma rried man no ma tt e r

, , ,

h o w co nside rat e or self eft ac ing or refi ned or moral or reli

'
-

g io us or up r igh t or t ra nsce nde nt ly perfec t in eve ry w ay h e

may be t o rest rai n h im self o n th e fi rst day or day s of his

,

m arriage followi ng th e st renuous e ff o rts at repres sio n which

,

have for some t ime undoub t edly preceded thi s great e st emo
t io nal eve nt in his life .

If from her ob servat io n it appears that the efl o rt requi red

'

o n h is p art is to o great t o co nt rol h is desire s du ring th e

period when her o wn d esire s are nascent and she is s t ill fear
ing i nt ercourse or doe s no t st ro ngly de sire it sh e should o fl er
'

,
 The A rt o f Love 1 05

to relieve him U nder such condit ions ge ntle frict io n of h is

.
,

penis by her ha nd will usua lly bring his orgasm ahno st

ins t ant a neously She need have no fear t h at he will no t b e
.

ready again as soon as she is if no t sooner

, .

If any excuse or exte nua t io n for this suggest io n is needed ,

it will be fou nd in t he fac ts recorded co ncerning th e fi rst
attemp ts at i nt ercourse of th e large maj o rit y of marri ed
people who have give n t heir his to ries Often the man has .

no idea tha t any delay is necessary I n such a ca se he mak es

.

almost instant a tt empts at i nt ercourse as soon as he gets

his wife int o the privacy of t he bridal chambe r In c ase he .

does t ry to delay t ill she is willi ng or unafraid b e frequently

finds himself in such pai n from pressure of semen and so ,

to rmented by desire tha t he give s up h is at temp t s t o delay

and reso rts t o int ercourse .In cases like th e abo ve the man
generally has emi ssion almos t as soon as his peni s to uche s
his wife s ex ternal geni t al s If no t t he n it occurs j us t befor e
’
.
,

or j ust aft er he rup tures the hymen It c an be readily .

underst ood that he gives his wife no pleasure by such a per

fo rm ance bu
, t as a rul e frighte ns her and oft en c au se s her
gre at pai n by his unco ntrolled violence H is fiasco al so .

makes him ashamed of what he conside rs h is lack of co nt rol

and h is i ncompet ency ; and this may be the p sychic fo u nd a
t ion for a perma nent habi t of precipi ta t e orga sm T here is .

eve ry reason for reduci ng th e husband s t ension enou gh ’

befo re the first inte rcou rse to permi t of deliberat e gentle ,

p res sure while enteri ng and t o allow cont rolled moveme nts
,

fo r s ome t ime aft e r e nt eri ng before his orga sm becomes

,

impe rat ive If t he husband h as go o d cont rol and is dis

.

po sed t o wai t and make the first intercourse or for tha t mat ,

ter any subsequent i ntercou rse mut ual it will in many ,

i nst ances help him gre atl y t o carry o ut such a resolut ion i f
his wife while he is st imulat i ng her va riou s eroge nou s zo ne s
, ,

holds his penis in her hand and from t ime t o t ime mak e
gentle pres sure o r frict ion as he may desire
, .

Th e love ac t may well be perfo rmed di fferent ly at di ffe r

ent t ime s . The wife m ay be brought t o such a st at e o f
exci t em ent th at she desi res t h e full weight, c rushi ng cl asp ,
1 06 The Art o f Lo ve

and fierce t hrus ts of her husband In such a case she may

.

h ave a violent orgas m almos t i ns t a ntly after the intro d u c

t ion of his pe nis i nto her vagi na .

Such a method is perfectly permissible when bo th parties

keep t heir heads enough to p reve nt any such imp act as .

would i nj ure t he delicat e st ruc t ures of the wife or allow of

t h e rare accide nt of a rup tured pe nis which has bee n k nown
,

t o occur w hen t his h as s t ruck wi th considerable force agai ns t

t h e parts adj acent t o t h e vagi na ra ther t ha n in t he vagi na
i ts elf
.

Ordi narily it is safe r and more e njoyable t o i nsert th e

pe nis in the vagi na as soon as th e wife becomes thorough ly
l ubricated wi th th e precoi t al fl o w and when her i nab ili ty t o
keep s till and her te nde ncy t o caress her husband become
prominent or whe n she tells him tha t sh e is ready It is
, .

w ell t o remember t hat t he lo nger th e prel imina ri es t h e

s hor ter w ill be t h e i nt ercourse ; and th e short er t he elimi
p r

naries th e lo nger t he i ntercourse .

In some cases t he wife s breas ts o r clit ori s or any o ther

’
,

or all the loca lit ies ment io ned do no t respo nd t o st i mul i .

T his may be due t o i nhibi t io ns holdi ng over from chi ldho o d

experiences In such cases she sh ould cons ult a physicia n or
.

a psychologis t who has had special traini ng in t his line ; b ut

in some cases t his is mere i ndividual idiosy ncracy Some .

o the r pa rt which experime nt will reveal may be her sensi

, ,

t i ve z one . I remember readi ng in th e lite rat u re somewhe re

of a woman who was brought t o th e highes t pi t ch of desire
by softly s t roki ng her left cheek Several husba nds have
.

t old me t hat t h eir w i ves were rapidly made ready for i nt e r

co urse by holding their nat es in both hands and successively
p ressi ng st roking and kneadi ng them B y the way this
,
.
,

p ro c edure is often a powerful s timulant for a man whos e

desire is feeble and w ho obt ains erec t ion slowly I have th e .

record of a woman whos e breast s were utterly des t i tute of

s e nsa t io n,but who became almo st i nsa ne wi th de sire when
her husba nd cl asped his bare arms arou nd her bare shoul
de rs also o ne who derived great sat isfact io n when her hus
,

band rubbed her ba ck and shoulders o r scrat ched them ,

.
1 08 T he A r t o f Lo ve

to o voluminous for me t o name t o i ntelligent people th e

infi nite variet y of adj u nc ts to pe rfec t mari t al livi ng P ai ns .

t aki ng s t udy will reveal th e u nusual met h ods required by

peculiar people as prelimi naries t o perfect mari t al felici ty .

Y et it is necessary t o impres s very clearly o n the mi nds of

all t hat procedures which may at fi rst be ex t remely repug
na nt to a woman o r a man as th e res ult of s ome c h ildhood
experie nce or false teac hi ng may aft er explanat ion and
, ,

cus tom become highly enj o yable

, .

It is also neces sary t o impress o n every man and every

woman t hat almost a nything no t only what I have named
,

and mo re bu t ma ny eve n of t he s o c alled perversio ns may

, , ,
-
,

be co nsidered perfec tly natural and jus t ifiable in a give n

case M o st perversit ies and perversio ns are acquired before
.

years of accou ntabili ty P eople who do no t acquire such

.

are usually exposed and perhaps a tt ra ct ed t o o ne or mo re

of t hese Such t e ndencies may often be eradicat ed by
.

psychoa nalysi s by psychological a nalysis or by ordi nary

, ,

explanat io n ; but t he obli te ra t i o n of t endencies es t ablished

duri ng the sights see n or acts pa rt icipated in during the
development al s t age of sexualit y may be at times impos sible .

When such a difficult y arises and such an act though , ,

unu sual is a mere harmless prelimi nary to which wife or

, ,

husband becomes readily reco nciled and adj us t ed it is ,

nei ther a pe rversi ty no r a perversio n and no t hi ng to be wor

ried abo u t T his is an impo rt ant matt er and w ill be more
.

fully discussed in t h e chapt e r deali ng with perversions Suf .

fice it t o say here t ha t it is di fficult t o name any love ac t ,

mu tually agreeable and helpful t o husband and wife which ,

can righ t ly be t erm ed a pe rversion though the same act ,

u nde r other ci rcums t a nces and pursued as th e sole end and

aim of the i ndividual s sexual life might be such nuques
’

t ionably .

The A c t o f Inter c o urse

S ome may t hi nk it su rfluou t de cribe mi nu t el y t h e

p e s o s

sexu al act p roper ; b u t si nce t he re are as many ways of

accomplish i ng th is as t here are hairs in o ur heads, and at
m o st but t wo o r th ree ways wh ereb y th e o rdinary co upl e
 The A rt o f Lo ve 1 09

a rrive at perfect mutualit y while these part icular methods

,

may be neit her agreeable no r satisfying t o any o t her couple ,

it seems bes t t o devo t e some t ime to those methods which

experience h as show n t o be most com monly resorted t o by
those mos t perfec tly ma ted .

N o t very much has been w ri tt en about this in rece nt years ;

bu t those w ho do t ouch o n t his subj ec t co m monly divide the
ac t and it s prelimi na ries and seq uences i nt o cert ai n definit e
st ages . In pa rt icular Lo ng who gives t he bes t mode rn
, ,

i ns t ruct ion which I know a ny thi ng about makes such de fi ,

ni t e dis t i nc t io ns
. I do no t i nsist o n this ; and it w ill be
no t iced t hat in my rambli ng w ay I draw no de fini te li ne of
demarca t io n be twee n th e d i fferent s t age s O ne leads up t o .

t h e ot her and each merges i nt o some ot her

, O f c ourse t he .

orgas m is th e cu lmi na tion of t he whol e m at ter ; and though

it is t he poi nt of u tter abando n and an i ns tant of indesc rib
able sensory pleasure beyond any o ther po s s i ble ex perie nce
,

of man or w oma n it is nevert hel ess i nvolunt ary and tra n

,

s ient. Some consider th e long draw n o ut i nt i mate co urt shi p ,

of th e preliminary st ages th e mos t des irabl e and enj oyable

pa rt of i nte rco urse while others find in th e peace of body
,

and c o mmunio n of soul w i t h soul w hich comes after th e

orgasm the summa t ion of all t he bea ti tudes of love s fulfill ’

me nt Since all the di ff erent stages ble nd or merge i nt o o ne

.

a no ther any cl ass ifi c at io n must be i mperfec t and may be

,

confusi ng We have repe a tedly em ph as i zed lo ng prepara

.

t io n t o allay t he yo u ng wife s t i midi ty and fear and t o secure

’

t h e ou t pouri ng of t h e mucus from th e glands of Ba rtholi n

which makes easy and pleasa nt th e int rod uc t io n of the bus
ba nd s erect peni s
’
.

During sexual exci teme nt th e gl a nds of Cowper and

L it t re in th e male urethr a and t h e gla nd s of Ba rtholi n in
t he female vulva se c ret e a vi scid t ranspare nt m ucus almo st
, ,

ident ical chemically with saliva w hich us ually bec omes more
,

abundant if t he e xc it ement is p ro longed and i nte nsi fied .

In t he male t h e a mou nt of this secret io n is generally in sig

nifi c ant . It is c alled urethro rrhea ex l ibidi ne In th e female .

it is generally abu nd ant and it is called p re c oi t al fluid or

,
-

mucus Coit us sh o uld never be a tte mpted until the excit e

.
1 10 T he A r t o f L o ve

ment of the female is so int ense that the v ulva are bathed in
t h i s se cre t io n T here are a few w ome n in whom this fl o w
.

is very sca nty or tardy in appearance only bei ng poure d ,

fo rt h in any quantity jus t at the t ime of orgasm In rare .

i ns t ances t hi s secret ion gushes o ut several hours after i nter

co urs e In case this sec retion is scant y or absent pre ced ing
.

i nterco urse when all proper prelimi narie s have bee n

,

employed o ne may use sali va (whi ch as I have j ust said

, , ,

is almos t identical w i t h it ) t o lubricate t he pa rt s ; or so me

mucill agino us substance like gum t ragacanth soaked in,

water and thi nned t o th e consi ste ncy of saliva When it is .

asce rtai ned tha t th e woman is de ficient in the nat ural sec re
t io n these subst it u tes should be used no t o nly be f o re
,

a ttemp ti ng i ntercourse b ut duri ng t he preparat ory st imu

,

la tio n before t he ac t .

Oily subs ta nces should no t be u sed T h ey are so d iffer .

ent from t h e na tural secret io ns and so ge nerally dis agree ,

able t o bo th man and w ife that they make mat t e rs wo rs e

ra ther t han bet ter .

A gai n it should be ment io ned tha t th e hyme n mu st be

,

rupt ured by firm gentle pressure ; and if m u

, ch p ain is
i nduced or force req
, uired a physicia n sho ul d be consul ted
,
.

Th e hu sband should k now tha t while an unbroken hym en is

f airly good proof of virgi nity it is no t absolute si nce many , ,

women indulge in sexual prac t i c es wi th men which are t h e

equivalent of i ntercourse without i nt erferi ng wi th the h y me n .

O u t he o ther ha nd he sho u ld reme mber that absence of t he

,

hymen is no discredi t t o h is bride and should cau se no sus

p ic io n ,as t his membra ne is freque nt ly abse nt or rudime n t ary
or h as been ruptu red accidentally in some i nnocent w ay H e .

should be grateful ra th er t han di sturbed if this o ff ers no

resist a nce to his progress .

At every i nte rco u rse and especi ally t h e first the re should
, ,

be great delibera t io n o n the p art of th e husband unless the

rapidly culmi na t i ng passion of th e wife rende rs thi s unde
s irable or u nneces sary .

U nless t he re is special obj ec tio n the first p o si t io n t ri ed

should be th e follo w i ng : th e wife lyi ng o n her b ack w i th
1 12 T he Art o f Lo ve

ent occupa t io n She should be encouraged to mak e such

.

movements as she desires t o i ncrea se her o wn exci tement

, ,

ro vided that th is does no t bri ng o n h is orgasm t o o quickly

p .

It is very freque nt ly nec essa ry when th e man is sho rt ,

t imed and his wife is lo ng for him to wi thdraw al t ogether

,

and allow his passio ns to subside in a m e asure while h e c o n

t inu es t o exci t e her by t ho se prelimi naries which she fi nds

most accept able When she is finally far enough advanced

.

s he should i nform him; and after re i nt roduct io n of his -

penis they should cont i nue for a t ime t he in and o ut move

ments ; t hen if necessary he should wi thdraw agai n and
, ,

repeat his e ff o rts at s t imulat i ng her proceeding t ogether to ,

mu tual orgasm whenever she is ready for it .

Long give s an apho rism which s h ould be remembered in

t h is co nnec t io n “Let love rule and direc t ; b a ni sh all self
.

is hness ; let the hu sband keep h is head and the wife u tterly
”
lo se hers .

Some have said that su ch delay o n the hu sb and s p art ’

may prove i njuriou s while t he majori ty of men especially

, ,

t ho se who su fl er from precipi t at e ej acu latio n will say t hat

'

t his is im possible The cont rary of t he la tter st at ement may

.

be proved by t he tes t imony of hundreds of men who like ,

t he wr it e r have pursued some met hod i nvol vi ng delay f o r

, ,

more than a quarter of a ce ntury T he ent i re innocuous ness .

of th i s method may be reaso nably predica ted also from an

i nvest igat io n of these same men wh o aside from bei ng in the
, ,

desir able conditio n of happy mari t al livi ng are withou t , ,

e xception in be tte r healt h t h a

, n any similar group of b u s

b ands who from fears of co nseq

, uences or fancied inability t o
d elay make th e sexual act of brief du rat ion
, .

O f cou rse I do no t pret e nd that t h e dimi ni shed self a ssur

-

ance and the impaired health of the has t y hu sband are

e nt irely the direct results of his has t e ; b ut I do thi nk that
s o me of t hese re sult s come i ndire c t ly t hrough th e dome st ic

d isco rd s j ealou sies su spicions and neu roses which are

, , ,

always in st o re for the man whose wife is no t only deprived

of sexual sati sfact io n but is fu rther i rri t ate d by the k now l
edge that her husband will no t devote his t ime or efl o rt to
'

her plea su re which he regularly requires her to devo t e t o h is .

 The Art o f Love 1 13

Re medie s f
or P recipitate O rgas m
T hi s is th e pl ace t o speak of t hose remedies for precipi tat e
ej acula t ion which do no t come direc tly wi thi n th e pro vinc e

of the genit o uri nary surgeon When this condit ion is the
-
.

r esult of fea r of th e res ult s of former au t o erotis m o r -

.

excesses the ordi nary husband o ught t o be able after read

,
“ “
,
”
ing Lo ng s Sane Sex L ige
’
Brill s pamphlet o n M ast urba ’

“
,
” ”
t ion , M enz ies A u t o ero tic P he nomena of A d o lescence or
’ -
,

my o wn writ ings to cure himself by auto sugges t io n of any

,
-

such fears .

I t is th e rarest t hi ng t o fi nd a m an who is really inc o m

pet ent It is very common t o find o ne wh o th i nks himself
.

so. If he forgets all about these thi ngs and devote s himself
unreservedly to loving h is wife and enj oyi ng himself and ,

lays no st ress o n a few failures he will generally come o ut ,

all right In any case a litt le medical advice is all t hat is

.

necessary .

Early complet e confidence be tween man and wife soon

removes lack of sym pathy as a facto r in precipi tat e orgasm .

M os t healthy men after long repression cannot avoid a ‘

precipi t a te orgasm at th e first i ntercourse O ne need hav e .

no fea r o n this accou nt ; and when the wife u nde rst ands t hi s
natural co ndi t io n she wi ll be qui t e willi ng ei t her m echani ,

cally o r by i ntercourse in which she does no t expect t o derive

,

s at isfac t io n t o give him o ne o r mo r e orgasms u nt il his ten

,

sio n is so reduced t ha t he c an b egi n th e act over agai n wi th

the abili t y t o delay u nt il she also has an orgasm .

M ost men who are su fferi ng from repressio n c an repea t

th e act two o r th ree t imes w ithin an hour In such a ca se .

it is ofte n advis able t o ca rry p relimi nary st imulat io n only

far enough t o p roduce a sufficient flow and mod era te desire
o n the wife s pa rt T hen th e husband may have orgasm as
’
.

s oo n as he wi shes aft er begi nni ng int e rcourse af ter which h e ,

may rest in his wi fe s arm s and cont inue to s t i mul at e he r

’

until he h as ano ther erect ion t hen proceed in such a manner ,

t h at she h as h er first orga sm w i th h is seco nd o r wi th h is ,

third o r fou rth if he is u nu sually vi rile

, .
1 14 The A r t o f Lo ve

When o verwork a nxiet y worry et c are c au ses of to o

, , , .
,

early ej aculat ion the couple should reserve special seasons

,

for droppi ng everythi ng and t aking complete rest T hen .

w he n t he hu sba nd is chee rful and t he wife u nc ri t ical or vice ,

versa t hey should playfully and lei su rely pu rsue t heir eff orts
,

t oward m ut ual sat isfact io n e ff o rts which wi ll surely be

,

crowned wi t h success if they t ake rest enough and take t ime

enough for play and are sufficient ly persi stent .

If this condit ion is no thing but a sign of exces sive virility ,

combi ned wi th only modera te control enough h as bee n said ,

t o i ndic at e t h e way to perfect adj u st m ent aft er t hi s condi

t io n has o nce been diagno sed .

If th e wi fe is no t responsive she needs o nly t o u nders t and

,

t ha t t h e blame for h er hu sband s precipi tancy rest s no t o n ’

h im bu t o n her She will usually become respo nsive soon

.

a fte r she learns the de sirabili t y of thi s provided t hat at the , ,

s ame t ime her husband begins t o u

, se prope r methods in p re

p ari ng h er .

Wh e n rese rvatus is the cause of precipi t a ncy thi s p rac

t ice should be suspe nded for some t ime or di scarded alto
get her .

When coitus int errupt us or wit hdrawal is a cause th is al so

s hould be given u ; bu t t his no t always fea sible si nce de fi
p ,

ni te i ns t ru ct ion in me t hods of prevention is no t availabl e .

O ther fo rms of prevent ion are sometimes o fi ensive to th e

'

ae sthe t ic sense of wife or husband ; or in s o me way they

may i nt erfe re wit h the complet e plea sure of o ne o r bo th .

Very often t o o women fear th e reliabili t y of me t hods which

, ,

are safer perhap s much safer than this o ne ; and their co n

, ,

s ta nt d read of resul ts p revents t he comple t e part icipa t ion ,

t h e lett i ng themselve s go which is necessary to t hei r full

s exual enj oyment .

In another book I me nt io ned a modi fied fo rm of wi th

d r aw al a compromi se met hod which I have k nown t o be used
,

in some c ase s and f rom which I had never ob se rved any b ad

,

result s t o eit her party Since that t ime I have fou nd a c o n

.

siderable nu m ber of h appy c ouple s who have employed t his

method aft er havi ng had suffi cient ori gi nality to di scove r
,

it for t hemselve s I have also advi sed it in selected c ases

.
.
 T he A rt o f L o ve

mo vements T heir mo vement s are no w kep t up at th e hus

.

ba nd s direc t io n u nt il he app roa ches the orgasm H e does

’
.

no t need t o p e rs is t t o t h e very verge of t his as in ordina ry

wi thdraw al ; for whe n he i nd icat es th e ne cessi t y for her
assis t ance his wife grasps his pe nis as he w i thdraws it and
,
‘

gives it such frict ion as he desires unt il his orga sm is com

P le t e .

P robably th e mo st sa t isfac t ory posit ions for thi s met hod

are t o begi n th e i nt ercou rse and cont i nue unt il t he wife h as
orgasm in th e posi tio n w hich I have already described T he n .

after sh e h as res te d suffi ciently t he husba nd should tu rn

u pon his back and she should come over u pon him as tride
,

o ne o r t h e o ther of his legs wit h hers doubled u ,p or bet w ee n ,

or ast ride bo t h of he rs She no w becomes equally act ive w i th

.

him in the moveme nt s of int ercourse u nt il he gives her warn

ing whe n she immedi ately lies over o n o ne side and gives h is
,

penis suffic ient frict ion wi th her ha nd while he cat ches the
s eme n in a clo t h or appropriat e recep t acle .

T h is procedu re might be at firs t repugna nt t o so me women ,

t hough t h e only reaso n for u nde rt aki ng it is t hei r p ro t ec

t io n ; bu t it is no t so to those who have describe d it t o me ,

no r to those t o whom I have sugges t ed it Rather it is .

,

said t o add much to the wife s sexual enj oyment Fi rst she ’
.
,

has a perfec t orgasm herself ; seco nd a short period of in ,

t erc o u rse aft er a brief res t somet hing almos t u niversall y

,

desired by norm al women ; thi rd she is happy after her o wn ,

perfec t e nj oyment to help make her husband s comple t e ; ’

and h er mind is easy t hinki ng that t his mo dified me thod c an

,

rarely if ever ha ve unfavorable e ff ect s o n her husba nd s ’

healt h I have kno wn women so s t imula ted by this pro

.

cedu re and women whose natures were essent ial ly cold at

, ,

tha t who 1n spi te of t heir recent complet e sat isfac t io n were

, , ,

ready wi t hout preliminaries for an imm ed ia te repeti t io n o f

, ,

t he act .

T h ismetho d is far superior t o ordinary withd raw al o r

to th at fo rm in which t he husband complete s the act fo r
himself by the fric tion of his o wn h and .

If this method is followed the orgasm s are no t synchro n

ou s, but are in a sense mut u al It is perh ap s needless to
, , .
 The A r t o f Lo ve

say method is invariably far mo re grat ifyi ng t o the

tha t thi s
man than any other external makeshift .

O uthe whole s i nce ce r tai n modi ficat io ns are oft en neces

,

s ary u nder p resent co ndi t ions of civili z at io n this has much ,

t o commend it especially for t ho s e co u

, ples who i nsis t o n
pract ici ng coi t us i nterrup t us or whose use of art i ficial ap
,

lian s dep rives o ne or th e o ther of comple t e sa t isfac t io n

p c e .

P o sitio ns

U nder this headi ng t he general s t atement may first b e

made that there is no classical posi t ion no o ne posi t ion more ,

ethical t ha n ot hers ; and t here is no t necessa r ily an

y h umili
at i ng posi tio n no r o ne that should cause either pa rty t o
—
,

blush or lo se self respect A ny posi t i o n t ha t helps t h e

.

wife to obt ai n complet e orgasm and sat isfac tio n whe n t he ,

same is easy for t h e husba nd an o ne t ha t e nha nces or more

y ,

fully completes th e satisfact ion of the husband whe n such ,

s a t isfac t io n is readily o bt ai n ed by the wife any posi t ion ,

which increases t he e nj oyment and makes th e act more com

p l et e w,hich hur t s or harms n ei t her is j u st ifi ab l e comme
,
nd ,

able and highly des irable

, .

T he tw o posi t io ns which I have already described wit h ,

t heir mi nor variat io ns (v iz l s t the hu sband above and

.
, ,

as tride of o ne or bo th of his w ife s legs or b etw ee n t hem ’

, ,

o r 2 nd t he w om an above similarl a st r ide or be tw ee n) are

, , ,y
pro bably t he o nes mo st sa t i s fact ory in the maj ority o f
c ases T he first is by far th e o ne in mos t commo n use no t
.
,

necess arily be c ause it is mos t sa t i s fac t or y b u t because it is ,

frequently resort ed to from i gnoranc e of other po sit ions o r

from the feeli ng that o thers are unnatural i nj urious or , ,

improper .

Thi rd : a very desir able p osi t io n for some people espe ,

c iall whe n t h e h u sb and is t all and th e w ife is sho rt or

y ,

whe n his organs are u nu su ally large is that in which the ,

man lies part iall y o n o ne side while the wife lies wi th her
b a c k t o him in his arms
, If he is lyi ng o n his right side
.
,

her left leg will be o n h is and h er ri ght leg sli gh tly d o ubled
,

and some wha t separat ed from th e left A ft er the intro d u

. c

t io n of th e penis i nt o th e vagi na w hich is easily accompli shed

,
1 18 The A r t o f Lo ve

if thewife separat es the vulva or lips wi t h her ha nds th ey , , ,

may c o nti nue to lie o n the side where they began or tu rn ,

so that the w ife is above him lyi ng fl at or she may sit up , ,

upon him or th ey may turn over so t h a t each is lyi ng o n

,

th e ri gh t side . A t any desirable stage in this posi t io n th ey ,

may make in and o ut movement s to get her o r t he hu sband ,

may lie supi ne while she m ake s any sort of mot ion that she
desires .

It oft en gives the woman great pleasure t o s it up o n her

husband as j us t described A t the moment of orgasm sh e .

some t imes desires to crowd herself dow n o n him wi th gr ea t

force while he simul ta neously eleva tes his hip s as far as po s
sible A nother w ife th ough greatly exci t ed d uri ng this pro
.
,

cedu t e will de si re to turn over and lie upon th e husband

, ,

facing him (second posi tion) or have him come over abov e ,

faci ng her (fi rst posi t ion) for a mi nut e or tw o before

o rgasm occurs A lso when in the seco nd posit io n th e w oman
.
,

above and as t ride she will at t imes desire to sit up almo s t

,

st raight at th e moment of orgasm T h is is facili t a ted if .

th e couple are o n a narrow couch whi c h allow s her feet t o ,

t ouch t he fl o o r o n ei ther side T he m an also at t i m es enj oy s

.

t he reverse of this posi t ion whe n he is above and as t r ide

,
.

Several very demure and unusually rese rved wives have de

c lared t ha t t his si t t i ng u posi t io n at t h
-
t ime of org asm
p e

gave them plea sure i nde sc ribable caused hy sterical laught e r ,

or crying and i nduced temporarily a delirious aggre ss ive

, ,

ness in their love fo r th eir husba nds This need cau se no .

alarm si nce t he nearer a wi fe arrives to such a st a t e at

,

t he acme of th e love ac t th e s a ner and bett er bala nced sh e is

,

all the rest of t he t ime .

Fou rt h : frequently duri ng the latt er p art of pre gnanc y

,

it is advisab le o n the wife s accou nt and occa sionally it is

’
,

more enj oyable for her or her husband as a regula r p ro ,

c edu re ,for t he wife t o assume t h e k nee c hes t positio n o r -

,

facing the bed o n her elb ows and k nee s wi t h her husband
, ,

above and behi nd her In this po sit ion also called the q
. uad ,

ru p ed al posi t io n t h e husba
, nd may easily reach arou nd and
fondle h er breast s ei ther when upo n the bed as de scrib ed
,

or when she is st andi ng slightly stooped wi t h him behi nd ,

120 The A rt o f Lo ve

each o ther to th e acme of visual, audi to ry o lfacto ry and , ,

t ouch deligh ts befo re t he orgas m o r climax is reached T he .

wife ahno st invariably delight s in some of t he caresses and

prelim inary excit at ions which I have alluded to We have .

s aid compara ively li tt le abou t th e husband ; b u

t t t h e c uj y
o

ment of the most reserved and most digni fied benedict is wo n

d er fu lly e nha nced and he become s i ncoherent in h is t hanks
and in h is memo ries when a w ife lovi ng virtuou s and cha se
, , , ,

t hough of chill and u nemot ional ex t erio r gives herself up ,

for the t ime t o ext r aaganz as of posi tion and expression ,

especially at a t ime when he knows f rom her confession and

acts that he has given her unusual delight .

If the pat ient sweet pu re refined reserved wife would

—
, , ,

g o t o t h e designi ng wom an or t o t h e dem i mo n dai ne as t h e ,

proverbial sluggard was supposed t o go t o the proverbial

ant and learn her methods she would in many i nstance s
, , , ,

ret ai n o r regai n h er husband s u ndilu ted and u ndivided love

’
.

I u sed to wonde r why husbands i nhe rently m o ral lovi ng , ,

t heir wive s u ndoubt edly left them no w and t he n like P epy s

, , ,

for s o me t ransient cla ndest i ne as socia t io n with some t ra ns

,

p arent i ncompe t ent with dari ng eye s arch manner and ,

i nvit i ng perso n ; als o why men of apparent ly good mo r al in

s t incts and sou nd pri nciple swall owed t hei r disgu s t and
ab andanced t heir p rinciples t o conso rt wi th p ro st i tu t e s I .

t hi nk I have th e reason T he t ra nspa rent i ncompet ent is

.

s uff e ri ng fo r love and cannot help bei ng ext ravagant in seek

ing love s favo rs and in fu
’
lfilling love s o ffi c es Th e pros ’
.

t itu t e mu st u nders tand masculi ne p sychology or her busi nes s

fails H e pays for lo ve and she though perfunctorily and
.
, ,

wi t h p retended ent husiasm does wh at sh e k nows he craves

, ,

t he very t h i ng he i nnoce ntly de si res at home namely that , ,

h is wife should show her deligh t in h is love and her c o nfi dence

in him by givi ng herself u tte rly t o him and exp ressi ng he r
s urrender in burni ng look s in extravagant speech in dar
, ,

ing expo sit ions and in endles s variety of seduc t ive at t i tu des .

In o ther words so me of th e fo rm s of exp ressio n of t he

,

most exal t ed and re fined love are identical with some of tho se
of the mo st sordid and sensu al When the mo st idealis tic .

wives have evidence and as surance of the undivided love of

 The A r t o f Lo ve 1 21

t he most idealis t ic husbands there are no t only p ract ical ,

b ut moral and reli gious re aso ns for throwi ng o ff t heir re serve

and bo r rowi ng from t he ballet if they would prese rve the
love of t heir husband s undivided indefinitely .

Varie ty ! T ha t s it ! O ne would no t forever enthu se over

’

t he same opera or t h e same play or the same book though ,

each is the be st and the mos t perma nently sa t isfyi ng in its

.

way and th e es sence of each is a perma nent t reasure T he .

s oul of t h e boo k opera or play may be compared to th e

, ,

s oul of a m an or a woma n Once loved it is always loved ;

.

bu t we demand th e soul of t he book play opera m an or , , , ,

woma n in di ff erent pha ses guises or garbs , , .

We always love the same book the same play the same , ,

woman J ame s t o t h e contrary no t withs t a ndi ng ; but we de

,

sire e ndle ss variet y new so ngs t o th e operas new charac t ers

, ,

in th e plays new romances in th e book ; bu

, t Solomon was
righ t there is nothi ng new under the sun and we get the
, ,

same co ntent and desire th e same cont ent after all We , .

desire t he same personali t ies in men and women di ff erently ,

adorned di ff erently expressed T he old old st ory of love

, .
,

is kept ever new by mul tiform expres sio ns by the po ssibilit y ,

of variet y no t o nly in the purely psychic realm but in the

, ,

s exual ac t and its approaches We have seen t hat the po s .

sib ilit ies of variet y here are i nnumerable .

The secret of keepi ng a husba nd o n the qui vive or a ,

w ife , for tha t mat t er lies in no t taki ng every thi ng for

,

grant ed as soon as we are married in never gett ing i nt o ru ts ,

of self complacency or act ion in alway s st rivi ng t o progress

-
,

to new and di zz ier heigh ts no t o nly eco nomically i nt el , ,

lec tu ally and morally b u

, t al so in perfec t i ng a repert ory of
,

unendi ng variety of tech nique in t he art of love .

Some au thors have described as many as ninety eight -

diff erent posi tio ns ; but perhaps what I h ave said about t hem
is suffic ient for an outline with the u nders t andi ng t ha t , ,

q
should no ne of t hose ment io ned prove ad e ua t e in an
y give n
c a se ,
honest i nves tigat ion and experiment a t ion by couples
i ncompletely adjusted should be persis t ed in u nt il the com
p le t e a ffil iat io n which o nly come s wi t h p r oper adap ta t io n is

attained .
1 22 The A rt o f Love

P o et Co ita m
A ft er comple t ion of mutual orgasm many consider the
m att er e nded ; bu t this should be by no means t h e cas e .

When sepa rat ion of the parts at t his time is considered

ne c ess ary fo r cont racept ive re asons the couple should st ill
conti nue until sleep ensues or othe r occupat ion int errup t s
, ,

t e nde r embraces , lovi ng kis ses and a ffect ionate converse .

When separat ion is no t neces sary at t he t ime of the o rgasm

all these conclu d i ng expe riences of i ntercourse shou ld be p ar
t icip ated in before t he o rgans are separated .

It is ve ry impo rt ant t o remember t h at the conve rs at ions

du ring the period immediately followi ng sat isfact ory coit u s
are pree m i nently the content of halcyon moments T here is .

no t ime when self revealment is so easy or so imperat ive no

-
,

t ime when o ne t ells his mat es of h is i ndividual j oys hopes, ,

as pirat ions successes so rrow s and reverses ; and such c o n

, , ,

fessio n is good fo r t he soul and it was even befo re F reud

, ,

and some o t hers said so .

It is no t onl y th at self reve alme nt at thi s t ime is wonder

-

fully s alutary for t he revealer ; but few if any earthly ex

riences approximate t he tr a nscendent delight o f th e o ne
p e

who contemplat es t he holy of holies the t reasures which the ,

unlocked widely open po rtals of the nearest and dearest

,

p erso nali t y fully r eveal .

T here should be no atte mpt ed rest raint o f a t endency

amou nt i ng almost to garrulit y o f m en and women of sile nt

h abi ts to t alk at su ch t imes .

E xcept o n rare st occas ions and u nde r urgent necessit y

no w o m an should reso rt t o d o uches aft er i nt ercou rs e .

N either should a husband be occupied wi th neces sary

mechanical adj ustments which could as well be attended to
l at e r
.

M ino r Co nsideratio ns
So me aut h o r s have laid much st res s o n the call ed free so -

t ime t o be taken adva nt age of by tho se wh o have good rea

so n fo r f amily l imitat ion .
1 24 The A rt o f L o ve

s erious obj ection t o this me thod is that t he so called free -

t ime occurs during th e pas t of th e m ont h when every woman

has leas t desi re I think tha t th e rule is i nvariable that
.

women have t heir st ro nges t sexual cravings ju st before dur ,

ing or aft er mens t rua t ion when u nder th is regime all

, , , ,

i ntercourse is t abooed .

M akeshifts like mu t ual mas turbat ion I should encourage

and co nsider desirable u nder ce rt ai n special circums tances ;
bu t as a regular procedure du ri ng the long int erval o f
abs t i nence when thi s method is followed t hey are t o be ,

di scouraged .

F ear o f P regnancy

I
n t h is connec t io n it may be well ment io n that th e fe ar
to
of an u ndesired pre gnancy is the chief obst ructio n t o th e
pe rfec t affiliat io n of many couples I have discus sed t his .

in previous book s and mu st here cont ent myself wi th t he

,

briefes t s t at eme nt .

A ll ma r ri ed people who have re a s onable prospec t of

healt hy o ffspring should ant icip at e a family of childre n as
th e greate st privilege and u ndert ake t he raisi ng of such a
,

family as their chief cont ribut io n t o racial progress It is .

generally be st t o pos tpone pre gnancy for a year or two after

marr1 a ge .

It should never be neces sary t o pos t pone marriage b e

cause the young people in love and eager t o marry are no t
able at o nce t o u ndergo the expense of children .

Familie s should di ff er in si ze acco rdi ng t o healt h and

eco nomic condit io ns ; and e ach pair should be ent itled t o
decide when they should have children and how ma ny they
should have .

Childless couples when fertile and sou nd ) are a m enace

t o civili z at ion ; and t heir early supreme sel fish ness ac t s t o
dest roy the end s t hey had anticipated and t hey finally b e ,

come di ssat is fied and anti social -

.

O n th e ot her ha nd familie s wi t h to o ma ny children for

,

t he fa ther to suppo r t or for t he m other to bear are a mena c e ,

almost as great . Such families nu rture i mmo rali t y and

c r ime ; t hey drain th e public res ou rces ; and they ro b bo th
 The A rt o f Lo ve 1 25

fa th er and mo ther of all the rights of life and the j oy s of

livi ng .

Reali z ing such resul t s to be i nevi table many w omen worry ,

endlessly feari ng th at eac h i ntercours e w ill mark t he be gi n

,

ni ng of an u nso u ght p regna ncy With such a co nst ant .

me nace they c an never relax suffic ient ly t o j oyfully welcome

t heir husbands and perfe c tly a c c o m pli sh th eir part in the
s exual ac t Some women go as far eve n as to believe that
.

if t hey refrai n from orgasm they w ill no t c o nc eive S uch .

a belief is of course i nc orrect ; and co ncep tio n may oc cur

whet her o r no t the w oman has any pleasure in i nt ercourse .

S t ill it is u ndoub tedly t rue t ha t her c o mple t e s at isfact ion

,

renders co ncept ion more p robable and tha t t he o ff spri ng of ,

such a u ni o n are be tt er balanced gener ally .

T h e ill egali ty u nder prese nt dis graceful law s of th e d is

, ,

se mi na t io n of proper cont racep tive i nform at io n t o those who

nee d it makes it i nc umbe nt o n each i ndividual couple t o
,

repudiat e unj ust ifi ab le la w which is no doubt also unc o n

,

s t itut io nal and seek c omfort h eal th and efficie ncy for the m
, , ,

selves and choose between poverty and handica p o n the o ne

,

hand and proper food and suffi c ient early t rai ning o n th e
o ther for their child ren It seems as if every doc tor and
, .

h uma ni t a ri an mu st advise people faced wi t h t his cont inge ncy

t o se ek u nt il t h ey ob t ai n s ome form of adeq ua te protec tio n
w hich i nterferes nei t her w i th heal th no r wi t h perfec tly sa t is
fact ory mutual se xu al r ela t ions T here are u nques t io nably
, .

e fo r m
s uch ade u a
q t s of pro t ec t io n ; and ad equa t e or inade

qua te o nes are u sed by mos t married fe rt ile men and women ,

of t he i ntell ec tual classes through p ort ions of their married

li ves it mak es li t tle di ff erence wh ether s uch a family is Je w
, ,

G ent ile C at holic black or w hi te Chri st ia n or pagan bo nd

, , , ,

or free .

Inter co urse fo r B o th S o cial and P ro c reative End s

I merely ment io n here for this also I have di scu ssed b e
,

fore the belief co nfi ned pri ncipally to a few of the fanat i c al

, ,

o r grossly i no r ant t h at i nt e rcours e should be for pr o crea

g ,

t io n o nly I fear no w ort h while crit icism if I as s e rt dog

.
-

matically that sexu al i ntercourse has a two fold s ignific ance -

,
1 26 The Z ri o f Love

a soci al and a p ro creat ive . With out the fo rme r , and

happi ness would rapidly dis appear and we should bec o me
,

unfitte d fo r t he latte r th e p rocreat ive funct i o n No no rmal

, .

couple c an follow lite rally th e d oct ri ne of i nt e rc o u rse fo r

p ro c rea t ion only a n d be fit t o t rain t hei r c hild ren t o hold

th e pla ce of t ru stw o rthy and u sefu l elem ents in the

munity .
1 28 The Art o f Lo ve

We mus t no t disregard entirely th e si ngle men for while ,

we regard wi th aversion these unmarried men so preemi ,

ue nt ly possessed of p o rs ine proclivi ties that they wi ll no t

marry for the welfare and happi ness of so me woman and for
t h e welfare of society neglec t i ng t heir o w n grea t es t asset
,

for happi ness health and development by t h is denial b ut

, ,

who pillage th e deares t of all human possessions by patron

i z i ng t he ins t i tu tion of pro st i t ut ion or by seeki ng clandest i ne
ilic it rela tio ns w ho eke o u
, t a vicari o us co m mu nity life as
s ocial o nlookers and no n co nt ribu t ors who parasi t ically
-

“
,
”
s uck t h e paps w hose milk belo ngs t o o t hers by so ngi ng
intermi tt ent ly o n t he homes of their married friends seeki ng ,

in this shameful or shameless way t h e femi ni ne society and

i nt imacy tha t every real man mus t have going fu rther — ,

o f te n by seduci ng by sub t le a r ts th e w ives of th e frie nds who

—
h ave welcomed them t o t heir homes w e k no w full well that
b achelors are no t all of this class ; and we mus t make excep
t io n of th e you ng m an who mus t pursue his s t udies t ill at ,

l eas t there is a prospect of their complet ion before marriage

,
.

We mu st also ex c ept those of circumscribed and busy lives

w h o have ac tually had no oppor t u ni ty t o come in co nt a ct
wit h th e righ t girl We mus t exclude those who have loved
.

and l os t and who c a nno t love agai n and th e few ultra ,

t s nat ure for w ho m t h e findi ng of a suit able c o m

fas idiou
em
[

l ent ar perso n ali ty seems almo st a n impos sibil i t y

p y .

T he cla ss made u p of t hose w hom we have excluded is s t i ll

a very large o ne and is ent i tled the same considera t ion
,

accorded the class of u nmarri ed wome n Now no o ne of

.

ei t her sex who is relat ively normal c an go through life w ith

o i1t some psychic at t ach m e nt to o ther huma n bei ngs love —
in some spi ri tuali zed form . Neither c an o ne go through li fe
withou t some aut o ero t ic or h omo or hetero sexual experi
- -

e nce—sex expression wi th co nscious sens a t io nal acc o mpani

ment .

Bot h th e spiri tual and ero t i c love life may be rep res sed
l argely i nt o th e subconscious ; and if th e sex nature be weak
and th e e nviro nment favorable a d w arfed and u nhappy
,

e rs o nali ty m a y res u l t If t he re is o rdi nary virili t y or

p .

nu b il it y t h e l o ve life u
,
lt imately shows through ei ther as ,
 The A rt o f Lo ve fo r m
the Un ar ried

hys te ri a or other neurosis or in promiscuous habi ts A t , .

t imes espe c ially in those i ndividuals who combi ne a no t ex

,

cess iv e virili ty w i t h a high degre e of c ul tu re and idealis t ic

no t io ns t he love l ife may be pra c t ically all sublima t ed as
,

some form of art alt ruism or religion ; but here soo ner or
, ,

la t er the same results commo nly occur as in direct repres

,

sio n. L ove and pa ssio n v s et hi cs and religio n may caus e .

in some s t ro ng natures where repressio n is i nadequa te and

sublimat io n part ially u navaili ng a life lo ng c o nfl ic t be tw ee n ,
-

ins tinct ive desires and co nvent io nal ide ali z at io ns S uch .

su ff e ri ng souls alternat e be tw ee n co nt emplat io n of a love as

pure as Dant e s for Bea trice and th e u ttermos t t orment s

’

of his dam ned .

For me nothi ng c an cause great er ques t ion of the orde r

,

of the cosmos no r elic it grea ter pi ty for su ff e ri ng humani ty

, ,

tha n t he o ft wi t nessed t ragedy of u

-
nmat ed or mismat ed m en

and wome n Some just ice should be acco rded t hem som e
.
,

program o t her tha n plat i tudi nous exhort at ions t o mo ther

and children of others or spread o u t t heir love s over all
manki nd .

What program ? Despi te th e arguments of Ellis M eisel ,

Hess Ellen K ey and others who have sensed like myself

, , ,

th e u nspeakable lo neli ness and supreme endurance tes t of

t h e pe rmanently u nmat ed for t he u nco nve nt ional pa rt ial ,

reliefs which t he t ransient unions of some fo rm of free love

migh t b ri ng I can but adhere t o the es t ablished convent ions
,

as bett er no t o nly for t h e fortu nat e mated o nes but th e

, ,

u nfort unate u nma t ed as well In this w ay o nly it seem s .

possible for man t o keep wh at he h as or progress t o any

higher desti ny .

N o t t o s t op here for argument b u t merely to s t a te a poi nt

of view it would seem that sho rt t ime free or promis cuous
,

ma t ings of any sort while no doubt result i ng in more gen

,

eral physical relief for a greater number than at present ,

would te nd to abo lish the slo wly developed psychic ele ment
of love wh ich h as come to be it s chiefes t blessi ng ; and man ,

at least in h is prese nt s t a ge of educat ion and civili z at ion ,

would shortly lapse int o p rimi tive type s .

A gain ho w could such a regime provide agai nst the in

,
1 80 T he l4rt o f Lo ve

numerable t ragedies and heart aches which must ensue when

-

mat ings perfectly consumma t ed are broken at will o n the spu r

of th e moment for o ther love s eq ually fleeting ? Would no t
a s w o rd of D amocles hang over every lover s bed ? Wo u ld ’

l o ve respe ct service and sacri fice co nt i nue or would t he

, , ,

s ex life re solve its elf int o a se ries of t ransient selfish , ,

physical grat i ficat ions for t h e s t rong and compelli ng and ,

result in neglec t and su fferi ng and humiliat ion fo r the weak

and yieldi ng ? Would the om nipresent unce rt ai nt y t he fre ,

quent physical deprivat ion t he impo ssib ilty of permanent

,

s atisfact io n of the soul hunger for love which is afte r th e , ,

b ody hunger for food t he greates t need of u

, s humans ,

be at all adequa t ely compens ated for by such li ttle oase s in

t he dese rt of physical de sire as would be supplied ; and if ,

s uch compe nsat ion could be co nsidered a good reaso n for

t he abolit io n of co nvent ions w ould th e neglec t and hu m

, ilia
t io n which such a course mus t eve ntually e nt ail be ever j us t i
liable ?
If the reader thi nks with me that such remedies are no t
adequa te he mu st also in all fai rnes s agree wi th me that
,

s ome conve nt io nal part ial remedy shall be provided for t h e

u ndeniable su ff erings of the u navoidably single who are

p osse s sed of love an d lo ngi ng and desi r e in t he s ame degree

as those who are happily ma rried .

I n looki ng over remedies we find t hat p ros t i tu t ion h as

b een considered such b u , t such a solu t ion c an never be rea
s o na bly urged no r perma ne nt ly adop ted ; for p r o st i tut ion ,

b e side s bei ng u nconvent io nal and p resupposing th e u nj u st

,

double st andard for men and women entails the seriou s ,

menace of venereal disease and encourages u nivers al depar

t ure from th e monogamic s ta nda rd s which have brought a
high degree of civili z at ion to all and inexpres sible h appi nes s
t o some .

Sublimat ion has been dwelt o n by many as a remedy fo r

t h e u nm arried and I h ave advocated it in all its available
,

va rieties and in all possible degrees N evertheless it is in .

,

ma ny if no t in m o st cases inadeq
, , uate .

We are finally forced to th e ab rupt s tat ement which c an

no t be successfully contradic t ed E very no rm . al individu al
13 2 The A rt o f Lo ve

w orld . Bu
older teachers were prone t o t each e rrors ; older
t
religio ni st s ofte n pre ached false doc t ri nes ; and older ones

in au tho ri ty admi nis tered u nj us t p u nishme nt .

We have ou tgrown t he narro w ness of view wh ich t olera ted

beliefs w ere di ff erent from our o wn We have probed t o o .

enligh tened t o o human and t olerant to obt ain sport by

, ,

feedi ng to wild bea sts in th e arena t hose whose i ndividual

beliefs were di fferent from our o wn We have p ro bled t o o .

far the sec ret s of the u niversal t o harbor no w a supers t i tion

t hat would make our preserva t ion de pend o n th e “burni ng
”
of wit ches .We have no w hospi t als for the sick asylums ,

for the o rphan and societ ies for preve nt i ng th e su ff eri ngs of
,

animals .

Hithert o the i nt olera nce of the happily ma rried t o w ard

th e u navoid ably si ngle has been perfec tly analogous t o th e
int olerance of a Neronia n paga nism t o w ard a new born -

Ch ri st ian idealism It should shame us to remember that

.

we in smug cult u
, r ed t we nt ieth ce nt ury i nt olera nc e are t he
, , ,

later f ruits of th e survival of tha t same Chris t ian idealism .

We are growi ng in t olera nce and alt ruism and the w ar ,

h as added m uch t o o u r growt h We are becoming less and

.

less co ncer ned wi th the fa t e of our i ndividual opi ni o ns or

the fu t ure of our o wn i ndividual souls T here is less sepa
.

rat i ng of the sheep from th e goat s We are more i ntere s t ed

.

t o have our thought s cont ribu t e in some way t o t h e com m on

good and to have all bodies and souls reach bea ti tude .

Even my former hesi t a t i ng spo nsorship of aut o ero tis m -

for the u navoid ably si ngle t hose who se repre ssio n w a

, s u nd e

sirable or u nj u st i fiable in you th or age and where t here was ,

no recogni z ed co nve nt io nal ou tle t has bee n received by more

,

th an t olerance I have the u nquali fied assura nce of t hou

.

sand s of those who se i ntui t ions are as u nerri ng whose mi nds ,

are as kee n and as cul tured whose ethics are as una ssailabl e
,

as any to be fou nd in t his cou nt ry t h at they agree wi th me

,

that no o t her possible legi t imate way is t o be fou nd o u t of

the d ilemma which civili z a t io n is no w in I k new in advanc e.

that this i ndo rseme nt mus t c ome sooner or l at er for I d id ,

no t voice my belie f u nt il I had already fou nd t ha t t housand s

o f th e bes t m en and w ome n had re so rt ed t o t hi s in spi t e of ,
 The A rt o f Lo ve f or m
the Un arried 138

t he tho ught tha t ,

ac c ordi ng t o old ideas their co nduct
—
merit d self condem na t ion and public opprobrium
,

e .

I did no t speak boldly of t his remedy u ntil I had reasoned

wi t h these people and s how n the m as b es t I c ould tha t their , ,
’
solu tio n of life s problem w as no t a cause of shame or re
p roach b ut was commendable ; no r did I s pea k u nt il I had
,

see n li t erally t hou s a nds of lives made bright and ra di a nt

from adop t ing a sys t em of livi ng w hich i nvolved in it a

relief t ha t made l ife i nsuppo rt able a relief fo rm erly t hough t
—
,

shameful and self dest ruct ive and no w p ro ven beyond cavil ,

ethical and be neficial .

P erhaps before proceedi ng I should explai n my o wn ,

ut t erances and my o wn posit io n more fully in regard to

,

-
.
“
a ut o ero tis m The grea ter pa rt of Ra tio nal Sex E thics ”

was wri tt en in 1 907 Lo ng before this I h ad c ome to recog

.

ni z e tha t a s t ric t adherenc e or an ho ne s t atte m pt to c o n,

form to our marriage convent io ns that a lo ng i nte rval

, ,

betw een puberty and marriage tha t a large part of th e ,

p o p ulat i o n permanently dep rived o f mar riage necessi tated ,

a rec ogni zed place for aut o ero t i s mas a mak eshift or means -

of temporary relief .

I was ent irely co nvi nced then as no w t hat it was never , ,

or in o nly t he rare s t i ns t a nc es phy s ic ally i nj urious and , ,

t ha t it w as in very m any ca s e s b eneficial Bu t even w hen .

th at bo ok w as publ ish ed in 1 9 1 6 I h e s i tated t o assert any ,

e th ical dogm as o f my o w n as op posed to a p ublic conscience

born in t he mi nd s of all and reared under t he dogm at ic
e thi c s w h ic h had bee n in vo g u e t w enty c ent uri es and which ,

had well nigh uni ve rs al appro bat ion I w as loa th t o pro

-
.

c laim myself an ali e n t o wha t h ad been c o nsi d e red co r rec t

et h ic s I d es ired to e ndors e wh at was univers ally righ t and

.

t rue. I though t I knew wh at thi s was ; b ut I was then st il l

t o o mu c h my self u , nde r t he shado w and a u
,
t hori t y of t he
old idea s the e st abli s hed way of t hi nki ng t o s peak w i th no
, ,

“ ”
u nc ert ai n voi ce I thro w a s o p to est abli s hed not ions and
.
,

spoke of au t o ero ti s m as ord i narily har mles s physically

-
,

oft e n j ust ifiable and neve r in the s t ress of de sire t o be c o n

, , ,

sid e red w or se t han t h e l es s e r of t w o e vil s In the nex t .

volume my s tate me nt s w ere more l ibe r al and in th e next , ,

1 3 41 The A rt o f Lo v e

” “
Sex and Life, s t i ll more so In Rat io nal Sex E thics , .

“
Book 1 1 , page 22 6 , w ill be fou nd t his st a t ement : Really
there is but o ne legi t imate rem edy aft er t he hac kneyed p ar
t ial remedies already named fail and t hey oft en fail , .

Now I unhesi t a t i ngly say t hat suffic ient au to ero tism fo r

,
-

moderate comfort and good healt h is t he o nly remedy .

It is plainly t he o nly recours e consi st ent with mor ali t y and

he alth aft er th e remedies alluded t o have proved unavaili ng
, ,

and t hey cert ai nly are ofte n u navai ling ”

I n
“Sex and
— “
.

Life
”
, page 2 3 5 6 If I am correc t mas t u rba t ion as a
, , ,

necessi ty is no t low degradi ng no r bes t ial as no ne of life s

’
, , , ,

nec es si t ie s c an b e u nless all are

”
P age 3 3 2 3 “B e thank -
, .
,

ful ra t her tha n otherwise if your sex nature is so s tro ng

t ha t t here is j u st ifi c at io n and nece ssit y for th e occas io nal
re lief of t ha t p art of your woma nl y nat u re w hich o u r w ise

art i ficial co nvent i o ns make it neces sary for the t ime bei ng , ,

fo r you t o keep as much as is co nsis te nt wi th health and

,
”
comfo rt in t he backgrou nd
, .

I no w wish to make a s tatement at once explici t candid , , ,

and u nequivoc al Some medical men and others of experi

.

ence believe t here is no sex necessity M a ny o thers believe .

there is such a nece ssi t y We all k now tha t t here are i ndi
.

vidual di ffe rences in libido There may be a nece ssity fo r .

some and no t for ot hers So far as my o wn experience goes.

,

I believe t here is such a necessity for all no rmal people of

average sex developme nt So far as I have t alked wi th
.

phy sici ans scient i sts and o ther cultu red people t he large
, ,

m aj ority believe there is a sex neces si ty ; a small minorit y

believe there is no t S o far as I c an reaso n from the life
.

experience of thous and s o f both sexes who se ideals are of

the highes t there is a vir t ual if no t a real sex necessi ty
, ,

si nce the se people have wit h so few except ions that t he

,

except ions may be co nsidered abnormal yielded t o the pres ,

s u re of sex in spi t e of t he mo st s t re nuou s e ff ort s at re res

, p
sio n believi ng t hat each lap se was a moral st igm
, a or the
f o reru nner of phy sical dis aste r .

If then the re is a sex necessi ty virt ual or real ; if mo no

, ,

gamic relat ions in marri age are st ill to be our ideal ; if it

is t rue t ha t free love and pr o m iscui ty are u nethical and in
13 6 Th e Ar t o f Lo ve

hea rt B ut ce rt ai nly some imagi na ry si tua t ions mu st ac

.

c ompany au to erotic love which is cert ai nly capable of

-
,

many re fi nement s and much of t he e sthetic T o quote from

“ ” “
.

t h e mot her s lette r p 2 93 T hi s thi ng is

’
Sex and Life
, .
, ,

c apable of havi ng good t as t e applied t o it j u st as are all

”
o t her fu nc t io ns in life It canno t be o ther tha n wholly
.
‘

ma t erial u nless there is an imagi ned mate .

I have formerly st at ed and thi s stateme nt al so was based

o n t h e co nfide nc es of many m en and of ma ny women t ha t ,

t hi s imagi nary ma te should be an ideali z at io n and no t a real

perso n and that all t he cares ses and approaches of the love
,

act should be go ne t h rough in tu rn as imagi na t ions and ,

t he final physical t ouche s should be t he culmi na t io n of this .

T h e p hysical par t for the male needs no de sc ript io n ; bu t

while the female who h as never been married us ually att ai ns
a compl et e orgasm by t i t illat ions of t he nipples and cl it or is ,

o ne wh o has been ma rried and sexually developed needs t o

remember that t o accompli sh thi s properly she will need ,

wh en neari ng t he orgasm to use some implement simila r in

,

s ize and shape t o th e male orga n .

Whe n this act is neces sary and eve ry i ndi vidual mu st be ,

his o wn j udge here t here should be no shame o r loss of

,

self re spec t before or after it There should be no e ff o rt t o

-
.

hast e n through it as though it were a di sagreeable duty .

T here should be nei ther h aste no r unreasonable delay It .

s hould t ake from t en mi nut es t o an hour for it s complet io n .

T here should be in ret rospec t io n an act of i ntercou rse wi th

, ,

o ne s former mate or in ant icipat ion with o ne s ideal future

’
,
’

mat e T ime enough should be t aken so t ha t by aid of th e

.
,

i magi nat i o n and slight manipula t ions t he exci tement may

, ,

become intense before there is any a tt empt t o produce th e

o rgasm T he act should be re sort ed t o o nly when the per so n
.

k now s that there is ample jus t i fication T he n it should b e .

e nj oyed like normal i nt ercourse t o th e ut termos t A ft e r it s .

c o mplet ion there should be a feeli ng of lassitude sat i s fact ion ,

and conte nt ment as aft er no rmal i ntercourse

, .

I will clo se th is chap te r wi th a bit of his t ory and a bri ef

q u o t a t io n from le t t ers T hi s case is cho
. se n f rom ma n y
 The A r t o f Lo ve f
or the Un arried m 137

s imilar ca se s of wo rthy women who se verbal or w ri tten wor ds

are almost identical for t he reason t hat this case came to
,

my attention a day or two aft er I h ad wri tten this chap t e r ,

and t he le t te rs were received before I finished t h e boo k .

A w oma n in the fo rt ie s h as been forced to give u p her

occupat io n as t he result of a serious neuro tic condi tion
which did no t yield to t reat me nt In o ne i nterview she .

frankly t old me h er whole hi st ory of which I give only th e ,

e ssentials.

She had neve r experienced any sex feeli ng before th e age

of sixteen when a married man of ne arly fi ft y propos ed
,

i nt ercou rse . She i ndignantly refu sed ; but her c urio si t y

about the act w as aroused and she grew curious abou t the ,

male organs Soon a y ou ng man paid her a tt entions and

.
,

in due t ime t hey were engaged Erot ic feeli ngs developed

.

nat urally u nder t h e s t imulu s of thi s i nt imacy Finally the .

young man propo sed i ntercourse and sought to e nforce h is

dema nd s by many ki sses and caresses She became more .

and more exci t ed and finally conse nted expect i ng the m

, ar ,

riage t o occu r at o nce T he marriage howeve r w as delayed

.
, , ,

and t he you ng man abando ned her She fel t herself forever .

rui ned and degraded and went i nto a decli ne

, It was no t .

expec t ed t hat she would recover T hen a physician was .

employed under who se t reatment she improved ; but he was

,

u nsc rupulou s and t old her that she would never fully recove r
until she had intercou rse A ft er much urgi ng he prevailed
.

upon her to have i ntercourse wi t h him T hi s occurred o nce .

only but she conceived as th e resul t and after s everal

, ,

months had a mi scarriage .

F rom t hat t ime to the present she has felt a shamed and
humiliated ; but th ough her erotic desires have bee n insis
t e nt she h as never allowed familiari t ies fro m any m
,
an On .

three separat e occa sions she h ad been forced to leave posi

t ions becau se he r em ployers had s olicited her to i ntercou rse
and h ad u sed eve ry i ns idious fo rm of st imula t io n to ae c om
p l ish t he ir de s igns A l t
. houg h no o ne o f t hem succeeded in

att ai ni ng th i s obj ect they each we re successful in p roduci ng

,

a tu mult o f ero tic feeli ngs ; and she, feeli ng that she must
138 The A rt o f Lo ve

inevi t ably succumb if she stayed gave up ea ch p o si t io n in

,

t u rn and s ought ano the r

, .

A s a child she had been t old by her mo t he r that mastu r

,

b at io n or any handli ng of herself would su rely lead t o i di o cy

or to somethi ng equally h ad She never dared to t ouch her
.

cli t o ris t o relieve t he t orme nt i ng desires that be set her She .

had ero tic dreams occas io nally culminati ng in orgasm , ,

w hich a ff orded h er some slight relief b u t ma ny t imes she

had such dream s from which she woke t o find herself
,

manipulat ing her clit oris In t error she immediately de

.

s i st ed and she never brough t o n the orga sm at such t imes ;

,

bu t she usually lay awake th e res t of th e nigh t s u fl ering

’

gre atly from sexual desi re O f la t e yea rs she had c onquered

.

t hese desi res t o some ex te nt bu

, t she s till su ff e red from them
,

exces sively duri ng and near menstrual periods T he prin .

c i al sympt oms at t h e t ime of co nsul t a t io n we re ma rked

p ,

i nsom nia constant headaches severe pai n over o ne eye the

, ,

grea t er par t of t he t ime and profou nd depres sion and dis

co u ragem e nt all o f which sympt oms we re aggravated at
,

t h e t ime of menst ru ation and there w as t hen the added

,

s ymp t o mof hy sterical weepi ng .

She was t old that her condi tio n was bound t o gro w worse
under cont i nued rep re ssion that the re was no legit imate
,

method of relief except by au t o ero tism and that moderate -

,

indulgence in thi s could produce no po ssible physical harm ,

and tha t wi thou t moderat e res o rt t o t his she would no t be

likely t o rec o ve r sufficently fo r any man to want t o marry
h er .

A s to the m o ral aspec ts of t his , she was to ld that su f

fi cient aut o ero t i sm t o make her de sires t olerable , and to
-

calm her nervous sy stem , was perfec t ly j ust ifiable, and ju st

as mo ral fo r her as was na t ural inte rcourse for her married
s i ster She was t old t hat t his was perfec tly compatible wi th
.

t h e ideals she was st rivi ng for and that it should in no wi s e

l es sen her self respec t
-
.

Si nce she had had i nterc o u rse when y o ung, as above t e

lat ed , she w as t old t hat t i t illa t io n of the cli t o ri s would no t be
likely t o b ri ng complet e relief ; and she was advi sed t o u se
1 40 The Ar t o f Lo ve

All the se blessings I owe t o you How I w ish every boy

.

and girl could know t hese t hi ngs befo re t hei r lives are rui ned
by some hideous mist ake
“I am st udyi ng you r books so I will be better fitted t o
.

h elp if there 13 an oppo rtu nit y and t here seemto be m any ,

ev en in my small ci rcle o f friends .
 CH A P TER 7

T HE ONE IDA C OMMU NIT Y AN D IT S DOCTR INE

O F MALE CON T INENCE

P aar I

A cert ai n doct or has w ritten several lect ures o n sex and ,

h e teache s his peculiar views t o many people O f course he

.

is ent it led to his vi ews and to expres s them as much as I

or anyo ne else u nt il harm is done ; but it seems to me that
he theo ri zes upon pretty dangerous ground and does no t
submi t convi nci ng proof Followi ng are a few quotat io ns
.

from his
“Especially was th e lack of ha rmony in t he ma rria e
g
relat io n somethi ng demandi ng solut io n Some endeavo red .

t o t each t o t al absti ne nce of all sexual expre ssion except i ng

whe n p rocrea t io n w as desired .I have no argument t o pre
sent agai ns t thi s plan excepti ng t he plai n st at eme nt t hat it
DO E S NOT WORK . When a man and woman t ruly LOVE
t hey will bo th desire sex exp ressio n u nles s o ne is deficient
,

in sexual s t re ngth . T ru e a ff ect ion desi res true and full ex

p ressio n of a ff ec t io.n S o lo ng as no mea ns were u nde rst ood
for a comple te love u nion wh ich did no t include the emission
of a man s semen o ur lovi ng ma t es were afraid of us and
’
, ,

we c a nnot have Fear and Love as bedfello w s and have Love

‘

remai n M ore and more it was made evide nt that nearly

.

all w o men w e re raped aft er ma rriage and imp regnat ed

agai ns t their wishes Men good and t rue did no t s top to
.
, ,

a naly z e thei r o w n mo t ives and ho nestly supposed t h at they

w ere act ing ac c ordi ng t o th e dic t ate s of Love when they ,

i ns i sted upo n i nt ercours e as a part of an abno rmal selfish

, ,

and b ru t al habi t w h en no desire w as prese nt for imp regna

,

Th i s is the physical necessi ty myt h held by m

’
t ion any
‘
.
1 42 The A rt o f Lo ve

do cto rs and is bas ed solely upo n the demands of the brute

s ide o f m an Th is problem m . any a loving man desi red t o
s o lve . T here was an urgent need of ad jus t ment bet w een
t he Bru te m
- an and t he Real M an of gentl e ness pu ri ty wid e , ,

vis ion and lovi ng heart While the laws H E had est ablished
.

gave him the right to i ns ist upon int ercou rse as s oo n as

‘ ’

he ma rri ed a ce rt ai n woma n he knew deep do wn in h is

‘ ’
,

he art t hat such a right merely m ade thi s woma n h is sex

‘ ’

sl ave I nste ad of t hat he re ally des ired a F R EE woman

.
, ,

as com rad e and lovi ng mate Now in sex commu nion the .
,

old ha st y and spasmodic way of int ercourse in which the

, ,

wife is f requently the passive party and is only asked to

submi t is repl aced by a met hod which allows reciprocal ex
‘ ’

p ression which is ve rily th e supreme moment of love s expres ’

s i o n f o r B OT H I t is t his MU TU AL s a t i s faction which I

.

have explai ned so fully Men no w find t hat it is a delight .

to prolong t he love u nio n and s oo n discove r t hat a mu tual

delight is given and received unde r complet e co nt rol and , ,
”
the final delirious cri si s is NO T reached
,
“
.

H e quo te s a believer who says : A pproachi ng the love

u nion expres si o ns of endea rment and a ffect ion including
,

ALL p arts of the body all o wi ng all five se nses t o revel in ,

fullne ss acc o mpanied by the full nude co ntact is follo w ed

, ,

by the quiet and ge ntle union of the female and male o rgans .

During a lengt hy period of perfec t co nt rol the whole being

o f e ach is su bm n ed in t h e o t he r a nd an exquisi t e exal t a ,

t i o n expe rienc ed Th i s is followed by a quiet mo t ion eu

.
,

t irely u nder t he co nt rol of t he will so tha t at no t ime t h e ,

w o nderful thrills will induce an emis sio n Th i s may be c o n .

t inu ed u nt il BO T H are s a t is fied P er fect co nt rol c o me s by .

pa tience and determi nat i o n and the reward is h appy united ,

”
lives and each att ai n t o their highe r selves
“
.

Then the au tho r resumes : A t first some m en sa

y t ha t ,

hi
t s s elf -co ntro l is beyo nd them b ut no t a si ngle i nstance ,

has been rep o rt ed of a fai t hful t rial wi thout succe ss T he .

mind may be made to co nt rol all parts if held alo o f from all
b ase r ideas Lu st in the mind d rive s i nevi t a bly to ward Lu st
.

in act ion It is aft e r this tha t we may t ru

. ly say tha t w e
,

are f ree fro m Lu st and have begu n t o live upo n the L ov e

1 44 The Art o f Lo ve

use th e deligh t ful embrace s of D iana and e nj oy it to th e

utmos t With ma ny thi s is t he magic key which b ri ngs the
.

desire of woman t o unlock her D oor of L ove Woman t hen .

learns t o love A LL part s of her beloved A man who is .

clean and pure enough t o ki ss has no organ no t worthy of

k i sses . A man never t ruly loves a w oma n u nt il he loves
t high s as well as shoulders legs as well as arms and belly as
, ,

well as bo som Every curve and hollow will hold dai nt y

.

cups of blessi ng t o the pure love of a pure woman .

And wha t do women say abou t sex commu nio n? Wi t h

o ne si ngle except io n t h e reply h as always been tha t t h e mos t

beau t iful rest ful j oyous and i nspiri ng part of any love
, ,

union came B EF O R E the emission

“M an is no t t o et an false idea t hat it is goi ng t o be
.

g y
difficu lt t o reduce his erect io n w i thou t an emissio n No thi ng .

is ea sier IF he t akes plenty of time A nd he is t o remembe r

.

t hat t h e more time h e gives t o th e act of commu nio n t h e ,

more his mate will s h are it w i t h h im O n th e o ther ha nd if

.
,

t he woman is especially passio nat e sh e may be called u p o n

t o exerci se her will power t o prot ec t h er mat e from emis
sio ns . O ne very passio nate wom an w r i t es tha t she always
avoids the orgasm hersel f because she feels tha t by so doi ng
she makes commu nion a great deal easier for her mate T his .

matter of t he orgasm in women is o ne tha t di ff ers mo st

widely O ne woman i ntensely passio nat e in disposi t ion is
.

t h rown i nt o nausea and vomi t i ng by h er orgasm and alway s

wi sh e s to avoid t hi s crisi s A nother will have eigh t orga sms
.

and e nj oy every o ne wi t h o u t reac t io n M any wo men will .

e nj oy commu nion with all their h eart and so ul and neve r .

reach t heir orgasm T herefore I give w ome n no rule b u

.
,
t
t ha t of pe rso nal experience and th e fac t that they mu st
always b e in ac c o rd wi th their mat es Some will reach th eir
.

o rgasm in a very few mi nu te s and oth ers eq ually passiona t e

w ill require a long period for communio n T he rule that IS .

u ni versal is th at each will give freely t o the o ther o f al l t hey

o ssess and that nei ther w ill kno w i ngly do a si ngle th i ng t o
p
prevent a full expre ssio n Sex communio n therefo re is a
.
, ,

me thod which h as nothi ng t o i nterfere with no r p reve nt ful l

expressio n of B OT H b ut ra ther is a mea ns whereby we may
,
 The Oneid a Co mmunity and Its D o c trine 1 415

guide our craf ts where sani ty pu ri ty moderatio n beau ty , , ,

and a mu t ual lov e will remai n forever T o be able to co n

.

t inu e the recip rocal moveme nt s of commu nio n for an indefi

ni t e t im e wi thout arrivi ng at th e orgasm wi t h the man wit h ,

its was te of vi tali ty is a ma tt er of educa t io n and will o nly

,

come after co nt i nued endeavor but the t ruth of every st at e

,

me nt as prese nted will soon be proven and two people who

hones tly WI LL do t heir very be st will be rewarded by find
ing sex co nt rol easier each t ime and the fi nal r eward is an
increase of love added sex vigor instead of impo te ncy and
,

infl o wing health j oy beau t y and s t re ngth of brai n, body

, , ,

and soul .

“A t the very beginni ng I would recommend tha t the body

move me nt s be VERY limit ed If man begins after ye ars o f
.

sexual i ntercourse or w hen depleted by mas turba tio n the

, ,

love orga ns will have become very sensi tive qui te abnormally ,

sensi t ive and t hey seem t o expec t tha t they are going t o be
called t o go o n and o n wi th the former p rogram of i nte r
course and his o rga sm will approach very quickly I have .

had case s where it t ook place im mediately up o n i nse rtion o r

even befo re it was w ell ins ide th e vagi na Thi s is combi ned .

with the impos sibili ty of having a normal erec t ion and be

—
comes a very serious disease P sychology Impotency
wi t h many men where they have prac t iced self abu se h ad
,
-
,

i ntercou rse pretty freely or where they have been sparated

,

from the opposi te sex for a long t ime and c an be cu red and ,

cured only by sex commu nion with a woman who is ex t remely

co nsiderat e One splendid repo rt comes from a man who
— —
.

was ent irely impot ent no erec t io n and in t wo mo nth s h e

w as able t o give and re ceive commu nion for an hour at a time
wi th cont rol . It is wise at the begi nni ng t o allow th e
p ar t s t o re m ai n perfec t ly quie t aft e r i nser t io n or o nly i nsert ,

o nly part ia lly at first and remai n still u ntil all th e speci al
ne rvou s exci t ement subsides T his wi ll va ry in t ime wi t h
.

di ff erent men anywhere from a few seconds to several min

utes T hen when there is a fe eling t ha t the su rplu s exci ta
.
,

t ion has disappeared and there is a c o ndi tio n of pe rfec t

confidence the mutual embrace is to be made of a li tt le mo re
,

ene rget ic pausi ng j us t an i ns tant at frequent i ntervals t o

,
1 416 The A rt o f Love

no t e j ust what poi nt each o ne is in refe re nce to th e

at
o rgasm It is th is pause aft er t he i nse rt io n that preve nt s
.

all premature and disappoi nt i ng nervous mis takes by men ‘ ’

.

In a large propo rt ion of cases if th e woman has bee n ,

given the proper lover s approach wi th fo ndli ng of 6 0 3 011 18

‘ ’ ’
,

t here has already ap peared t he preparat ory flu id discharged

from her vagi na T he n the slow up and in movem
. ent s ,

no t wi thdraw i ng more t ha n an i nch slowly i ncreas i ng t o ,

th e poi nt where the thrills are co ns t a nt b u t no t t o o clo s e

t o the orgasm If there is the lea st doubt as to co ntro l
.
,

pau se frequent ly T he old notio n tha t t he man couldn t

.
‘ ’

s t op and it s all over in a minu t e are absolutely false as

’ ‘ ’ ’

w as the idea t hat t he erec tio n would no t di sappear wi t hout

t he emi ssion T ime and t ime agai n o ne may approach so
.

nea r the orgasm t ha t a si ngle vigorou s movement w ould pre

,

c ip itate t he emission b u t all t h e t ime we will pause whe n

,

necessary and all t h e t ime th e m an will e nj oy perfec t co nt rol

with more and more co nfidence in himself and be receivi ng
and givi ng more sexual happi ness per mi nu t e for from t we nt y
t o sixty minu t e s than was ever possible before fo r him or
, ,

h is ma te for the i ns t ant of i ntercourse

, A nd t he n afte r .
,

BOT H are sat isfi ed the aft ermath is so sweet Ins t ead of .

t he exhaus t ion of emission t he pe nis will no t be wi thdr aw n

f o r qui t e a t ime ; in fa ct it is recommended tha t it re mai n
u ntil the hardness h as disappea red and it drop s away na tu ,

r ally . A s al ready s t at ed if there is any remedy for ,

t he cold woman commu nio n presents th e sure c ure We

‘ ’
.

fi nd women of all t emperament s from t hose who will go o n ,

‘

in a mi nu te t o those who h ave neve r be en co nsciou s of any

’

s ex desire at a ll and bot h will be cu red by s c because bot h ‘ ’

. .

are abno rmal T he cold woma n usually recogniz es t hat sh e

.

is u ndersexed and lament s t he fac t Sexual i nte rcours e .

ive s h er nothi ng t o awake n her dormant na t ure Wha t is

g .

s he t o do ? T he only cure is tha t her mate be taugh t s c ‘ ’

. .

T h e hu rried ac t of i ntercourse leave s a cold woman wo rn

‘ ’

and di sgust ed and colde r st ill becau se t he act is c o mpl eted ,

long before sh e has had the neces sary t ime t o arr ive at any
’
c o ndi t io n of app reciat ion and pa rti cipat ion T he has t y .
‘

woman learns by s c tha t she mus t co nt rol herself 1n o rder

. .
1 48 T he A rt o f L o ve

J H Noye s, fou nder of th e O neida Commu ni ty , wrot e a

.

p amp h le t in w hich he described his discove ry of male c o n

t inenc e, gave a descriptio n of the met hod and discus sed

vario us ot her matters pertai ni ng to the religious beliefs and
sec ular doings of this people .

T his pamphle t is o u t of pri nt ; b ut some of the subj ec t

matt er is very importa nt si nce from t hi s man and fro m
,

this Communi ty came all of t he allied views or ide nt ical o nes , ,

regardi ng the c o nduct of the sex relat ions w hich have bee n
brought forward f rom t ime to t ime and which all have had
more or less supporters w ho m t he maj ori ty of c ases cam e
, , ,

from t he more int elligent part of th e commu nit y

“
.

Noyes narrat ees his discovery as follows : I was ma rri ed

in 1 83 8 and lived in the usual rou ti ne of mat rimo ny t ill
,

1 846 . It was du ri ng t his period of eight years that I s tudie d

th e subj ec t of sexual i ntercourse in connec t io n wi t h my
mat rimonial experience and discovered the pri nciple of male
,

cont i nence A nd the discovery was occ asioned and even

.

forced upo n me by very so rrow ful experie nce In the cours e .

of six years my wife went through th e agonies of five birth s .

Four of them were prema t ure O nly o ne child lived T hi s

. .

experie nce was what dire cted my s tudies and kept me s tudy
ing. A ft er our last disappoi ntme nt I pledged my word t o
my wi fe that I would never agai n expose her t o such frui t
less su ff eri ng I made up my mi nd to live apa rt from her
.
,

rather than break this promise T hi s w as the si tua tio n in

.

th e summer of 1 844 A t that t ime I co nceived the idea tha t

.

the sexual organs have a social fu nc t io n which is di st i nc t

from the propagat ive func t ion ; and that these funct ions may
be separated practically I experimente d o n this idea and
.
,

fou nd that the self co nt rol which it requi red was no t dith
-

cul t ; tha t my enj oyment was i ncre ased ; t hat my wife s ’

experie nce was very sat isfac tory as it had never bee n befo re ;
,

t ha t we had e scaped t he ho rro rs and th e fear of invo lu n

t ary propagat io n T hi s was a great delivera nce It made
m
. .

a happy hou sehold I commu nic ated y disc o v ery to a

.

friend His experi ence and that of h is household were the

.

same In t he cou rse of th e nex t two years I studied all t he

.

es sential det ails and beari ngs of the discove ry In 1 846 we .

 The Oneid a Com munity and Its Do c trine 1 49

commenced Communi ty life at P ut ney Vt In 1 848 soon , .

,

after our removal t o Oneida I published t he new t heory in a ,

pamphlet which had a small ci rculat io n for a few y ears b ut ,

is no w o u t of pri nt T his is th e o nly t ru

. e a cc o unt of my
discovery of M ale Co nt i nenc e In regard t o t h e inj ur i
.

ous e ff ects of M ale Cont i nence whic h h av e b ee n a nt ic ipat ed ,

and oft e n predict ed th e Commu nit y has t o re p o rt in general

,

t hat t hey have no t bee n reali z ed

“For example : it is seriously beli eved by ma ny t hat nat ure
.

requires a periodical and so mewh at freq uent di s charge of

t he seed and t hat th e ret ent ion of it is li ab le t o be i nj u
, rio us .

Even if this were true it wo uld be no argume nt agai ns t M al e

,

Cont i nence but rather an argument in favo r of mas turba

,

t io n ; for it is obvious tha t be f o re ma rr ia ge m en h ave no

lawful method of di sc harge b ut m ast urb a tio n ; and after

marriage it is fooli sh and c ruel t o e xpend one s seed o n a ’

wife merely for the sake of gett i ng rid of it as it w ould be ,

t o fire a gu n at o ne s best frie nd m e rely for the s ak e o f un

’

loadi ng it If a blu nderbuss mu st be e mpti ed and the c harge

.
,

canno t be dra wn it is better t o tire i nto the air th an to will

,

som ebody wi th it B ut it is no t t rue tha t t he seed is an

.

excreme nt like t he uri ne t h at req uire s p eriodic al and tre

,

que nt dis charge Nature h as p ro vi ded o the r w ays of d is

.

p osi ng of it In fac
. t it has an i m m i ne nt v al ue a n d is in it s ,

bes t funct ion while re t ai ned It is the p re senc e of th e s eed . ,

and no t th e discharge of it th at make s the b u ll s up erior

,

t o th e o x . T h e Co m mu ni ty h as had no t r oub le fro m ret en

t io n of seed ; b u t o n t he ot her ha nd h as nea rl y e xter mi nat ed
, ,

masturba t io n and i nvolunt ary emissions b y the reflex influ

e nce of M ale Co nt i nenc e M a st urb at io n is a di s re put able
.

bra nch of th e same seed was t i ng b us ine s s th at is c arried o n

-

more decently in o rdi na ry mat ri mo nial i nte rc o urs e and is ,

evidently d es t i ned t o p ass aw a y wi th it

“VVe begi n by a naly zi ng the act o f se xual i nt erc o urse .

It has a begi nni ng a mid dle and an end Its begi nning and
, ,
.

mos t elementary form is t he si mple p resence of the mal e

orga n in the female T hen usuall y foll o w s a s e rie s of re c i p
.

r o c al m o tio ns F inally t hi s e xe rc i se bri ngs o n a nervo us

.

act i o n or ej acula tory crisis wh i c h e xp el s t he s ee d Now .

1 50 The Art f
o Lo ve ,

we i nsis t that this whole proc ess up t o the very moment of ,

e missio n is vo luntary entirely under t he control of the moral

, ,

fac ulty and c an be sto pped at any po iet t In ot her words

, . ,

t he pr esenc e and the m o tio ns can be s t opped at wi ll and it ,

is o nly the final crisis of emissio n tha t is au t omat ic or un

cont rollable Suppo se then t hat a man in lawful i nter
.
, , ,

course w i t h woman choosi ng for good reasons no t t o bege t

, ,

a child or to disable himself sho uld s t op at th e primary ,

s t age and co nte nt himself wi th simple presenc e co nt i nued as

long as agreeable ? Would there be any ha rm ? It cannot be
i njurious to refrai n from voluntary excit ement Would it .

do no go o d ? I appeal t o th e m emory of e ve ry man who has

had good sexual experience t o say whether o n the whole th e , ,

swee t es t and nobles t pe riod of intercourse wit h woman is no t

that firs t moment of simple prese nce and spiri t ual e ff usio n ,

before the mu scular exercise begi ns .

“B ut w e may o further Suppose the man chooses fo r

g .

good reaso ns as before to enj oy no t o nly th e simple pres

, ,

enc e b u
, t also t he rec ipro c al m o t io n and yet t o s t op sho r t ,

of t he final c ris is A gai n I ask Would t here be any ha rm ?

.
,

O r would it do no good ? I suppose phy siologis ts migh t say ,

and I w ould ack nowled ge t ha t t h e exci tement by mot io n ,

migh t be carried so far that a volu nt ary suppres sion of th e

comme nci ng crisis w o uld be i njurious B ut what if a man .
,

k nowi ng his ow n po w er and limi t s should no t eve n appro ac h ,

t he crisis and yet be able t o enj oy the presence and th e

,

mot io n ad lib itum? If you say that thi s is impo ssible I

—
,

answer that I kno w it is po ssible nay that it is ea sy

“I will admit however tha t it may be impo ssible to some
, .

, , ,

while it is pos sible t o o thers P aul int ima t e s that some can .

no t co nt ai n
‘
Men of ce rtai n temperaments and condi t ions
.
’

are afflic ted wi t h i nvolu ntary emi ssio ns o n very t rivial excit e
ment and in their sleep B ut I i nsist tha t these are excep .

t io nal morbid case s t hat sh ould be di scipli ned and improved ;

and that in the norm , al condit ion men are e nti rely compet ent ,

t o choose in sexual i nt ercou rse whet he r t hey will st op at

any poi nt in th e volunt ary s tage s of it and so make simply ,

an act of commu nio n or go t h ro u gh t o th e,i nvolu nt a ry

stage a nd m
, ake it an act of p rop agat io n .
1 52 The Ar t o f Lo ve

d elete riou s t o bo th th e physical and spiri t ual man .

K a re zz a co nsummat es marriage in such a manner t ha t

t hrough t he power of will , and loving thou gh ts , the fi nal
c risi s is no t reached , b u t a complet e cont rol by bo t h husba nd
and wife is mai nt ai ned throughou t the e ntire rela t ion T he .

l aw of K are zz a dict ates though t ful prepara t io n, probably

f o r days previou s in which t here should be a course of t ra in

ing t hat exalt s th e spiri t ual and subo rdi nat e s th e physical ,
in which a ff ect ion leads to increased loving att e nt io ns and
k i ndly ac ts A pproachi ng th e eve nt , expressions of e ndear
.

ment and aff ection, accompanying general bodily co nt act ,

are fo llowed by th e complet e bu t quie t u nio n of t h e male and
female orga ns During a lengthy period of perfect cont rol
. ,

t h e w hole bei ng of each is subme rged in t h e other , and an

e xqui si te exalt a t io n expe rienced T his may be followed by a
.

quie t mo t io n, e nt irely u nder full subordi nat ion of th e will ,

s o t ha t at no t ime th e thrill of passion for ei t her par t y will

g o beyo nd a plea surable excha nge U nle s s proc rea

. t io n is
”
des ired , t he final propaga tive orgasm is ent i rely avoided .

Diana and A lphism

“

M edical and psychological readers will probably conclude

“
t h a t th e whole doc t ri ne of D ia na and A l h ismwas grou nded p
”
o n o ne man s fet ichism ; and very likely this is t rue
’
.

Nevert heles s many people were influenced by it ; and it

,

h as some follo w e rs s t ill U nques t io nably the meth o d has a

.

c ert ai n value as o ne of t he p relimi naries t o t h e complet e

normal sexual act He nce the follo w i ng quo t at io ns

.

A lphism and Dianism Define d T o avoid m .isapprehen

s ion , these t wo theories sho u ld be clearly defined and the ,

d isti nct ion be tw een t hem explai ned Th e doct ri ne of A lph ism
.

is co nfined t o o ne pri nciple t he law of abstinenc e excep t fo r

,

atio n T hose who believe in t his doc t rine may be

p r o c re .

divided i nto di ff erent clas se s Some believe in it as a matter

—
.

o f dut y t o be e nfo r ced by p recept and self denial and some

, ,

b elieve in it as a matt er of righ t requiri ng no self de ni al

,
In -
.

t hi s latt er is i ncluded t h e doc t ri ne of D i ana w hi c h may be ,

d efined to be t he law of sewual sat isfactio n fro msexu al c o n

 The One id a Co mmmzitg and Ita Do ctrine 1 53

tac t . n ot her words , Dianism is A lphism as

I e ult of t he r s

s exual equilibrat io n T his doc t ri ne is fou nded upo n t he

.

t heory o f dual fu nc t io ns ; bu t that t heory is no t an esse nt ial

part of it A ny person who carr ie s o ut th e p ri nciple of
.

abs t i ne nce except for procrea t ion whatever his mo t ives o r ,

idea s connected wi th it is a pract ical A lph ite A nd any, .

A lph it e who seeks sexual companio nship of grea t er or le ss

i ntimacy for the purpose o f sexual equilibrat ion as an aid
,

to abs t i nence is a pract ical Diani t e

, .

P r ac tic al S ugg es t io ns Whe n o n e pa rty o.nly accep t s t h e

law of A lphism receivi ng new light after ma rriage it nee d

, ,

no t i nt roduce i nt o th e fa m ily an eleme nt of discord T h e .

wife for i ns t ance may no t feel j ust ified in adopt ing a course
, ,

te ndi ng t o i nduce her hu sba nd t o seek from ot her s th e sa t i s

fact io n she denies him and yet may make such e ff orts t o giv e
,

him galva nic sat is fac tion and thus to res t ore sexual eq , uilib
r iu min the no rmal way that he will become less i ncli ned t o
,

amorou s excess .

The Effec t o f S exu al Co ntac t It is an observed fact t hat .

sexual co nt ac t incit es t o act ivi ty the aff ec tional act io n of th e

sexual orga ns wi th th eir co nnected sensibili t ies extendi ng
,

over t h e whole frame and by their exerci se sa t is fies t hem

, ,

wi thout calli ng i nt o action the special ge nerat ive fu nct io n of

t he sexual organs A nd it is also an ob se rved fac t that th e
.

repres sion of th i s a ff ect io nal ac t ivit y na tu rally create s a

desire fo r the exercise of the other ; so tha t the t rue remedy
for sexual int empera nce is the full sat isfact io n of th e afl ec
'

t io nal mode of ac t ivi ty by frequent and free sexual co nt ac t .

M o d es o f Gratific atio n Sexual sat isfact io n may be de .

rived from pe rso nal prese nce co nversatio n a clasp of the, ,

hand ki ssi ng care ssi ng embra ci ng pe rso nal cont act wi th

, , , ,

or withou t the i ntervent ion of d res s i nternal contac t mutual , ,

frict ion or the experiencing of the orgasm ; in great e r inten

,

sit
y a n d wi t h grea t er rapidi t y in t h e orde r here st a ted .

S ho u ld S leep T o geth er In order t o preserv e the sexual

.

pola ri ty from becoming excessive it is impo rta nt that h us ,

band and wife should usually sleep toge ther wi th such degree ,

of nude cont act as may be ad ap ted t o ea ch i ndividual case .

E xcelsio r A l though
. as a gene ral ru , le th e gre atest ,
1 54 T he A rt o f Lo ve

amount of phy sical pleasure w ill result from the st rict o h

s erva nce of t he law of A l h ism how far t his may be modi fie d
p ,

by i ndividual ca ses is for t he p art ies mos t i nteres ted t o

,

decide fo r themselves So few have acquired the habit which

.
,

requi res cult iva tio n of enj o ying the sexual current s from
,

nude embraces or sexual cont act th at t he s trict observance

, ,

will usually i nvolve self denial ; and it may be that if the

-

p ri nciple were es t ablished an occ asional violat ion of it in

,

prac tice would be of li ttle more consequence th an the viola

t io n of th e physiological p ri nciples t hat food should be ,

t aken at regular hours and sleep duri ng th e hours of th e

,

night . T he mai n di ff e rence is thi s : th at we mu st eat and we

mu st sleep at sho rt i ntervals of time but the re is never a
, ,

nece ssit y fo r viola ti ng t he law of A lphism; it is a mo re im

porta nt mat t er and the consequences are therefore likely
,

t o be more serious Bu t s t ill it is a matt er wholly wi thi n

.

t he j udgm ent of the pa rt ies ; who have as much right so long ,

as they observe a reaso nable degree of temperance to i ndul ge ,

t heir wi shes at a loss t o themselve s in t hi s re spect as in

, , ,

regard to the hou rs fo r eat i ng and sleepi ng o r as t o what ,

t hey shall eat or what t hey shall d ri nk

, Y et the i nflue nce of .

even unconscious parent al example is so great as to make it

desi rable for parents to exercise a great deal of self denial in -

o ve rcomi ng bad habi t s for t hei r children s s ake even when ’

, ,

t he re su lts will no t se ri ously aff ect themselve s T he mo st .

impo rtant poi nt is the establishme nt of the p rinciple so ,

t hat no m an shall re so rt t o mas tu rbat io n or t o pro st i tu t io n ,

f rom the mis t aken idea that he is benefit i ng his health in

t t i ng rid of a u rplu sec ret io n which canno t remai n in
g e s s

t he sy st em wi thou t physical de t riment ; so t hat t he re shall

b e a constant e ff o rt o n the pa rt o f bot h hu sband and wife
f o r i nc reased tempe rance ; so th at wive s sh all no t refu se
t heir hu sband s sexual co nt ac t les t it should lead to sexual
int em perance fro m ignorance o f the fact that the course
,

t hey are pu rsuing h as a direct t endency t o i nflame passional

de si re .

Nu d e Co ntac t T he free exchange of sexual cu rrents is so

.

u nu sual t hat comparat ively few can app reci ate o r enj oy it ;
1 56 T he A r t o f Lo w

plus sperma tic secret ion as frequently as once a year If h e .

feels su ch a need it mus t be from erroneous habi t s which h e

, ,

should seek t o correc t .

R ec ap itu l atlo n .T he fu ndame nt al theory of D ia na is

t ha t the sexual secre tions have two fu nc tions their gene ra ,

t ive fu nc t io n and their a ff ect io nal fu

, nc t io n ; and t hat excep t
whe n pa rentage is desi red t he sexual force should be t urned
,

i nt o the aff ect ions ] channel T he manifes t a tion of th e afi ec

'

t io nal fu nc t ion is by sexual co nt act which may t ake such ,

form from mere companionship to physical nude co ntac t as

, ,

mut ual att ract ion may prompt ; causi ng sexual equilib ration
and thus sexual sa t isfac t ion T he fo rm of such manifes t a
.

t ion will be lar gely influ enc ed by t he mi nd and largely by th e ,

force of habi t ; whe refore the gradual b ri ngi ng of t he mi nd

i nt o harmo ny w i th these pri nciples and the gradual fo rma ,

t io n of habi ts co nsis te nt herewi t h will make more and more,

evident their be neficial operat ion T hese fundamental pri n .

c ipl es canno t be overt urned by mere negat ive t es t imony If .

we have posi t ive evide nce that they are t rue as applied t o ,

a si ngle individ ual and if it c an be shown t h at their general

,

adopt io n woul d put an end t o acknowledge evils such evi

.
,

dence will outweigh any number of failu res .

Quo t at io ns f ro m Th e Karezz a M etho d

T he K a re zz a M ethod , o r M agnet at io ny th e A rt of Co n:
”
nu b ial Love , t he Lover as t he A rt is t of T ouch , is t he pre
t ent io us name
“
of a pamphle t privately p ri nt ed for the
”
au thor and his friends T here is no thi ng essent ially new in
.

t his pamphlet T he a u
. thor merely combi ne s t he male co n
tinence ideas of J H Noyes wi t h th e female co nt i ne nce id ea
.

of Dr S t ockham ; and i ns te ad of applying these idea s as

.

was done by t he O neida Commu ni ty in a regulat ed form of

commu nal marriage , o r applyi ng them in ordi nary marriage
as Dr S t ockha m advocat ed , he would appa re ntly disregard
.

any fo rm of regulat io n, and choo se pa rtne rs at w ill fo r the

j oi ntly cont rolled free love union which he advocate s
-
.

T he au t hor is ext remely naive st a ti ng w i th posi t ivene ss

,

th at he k now s fac ts t o be true which were scient i fic ally dem

 The One ida Co mmunity and Its Do ctrine 1 57

o nst rat ed half a century ago and with eq ual co nfidence

,

cont radic ts science and expe rience

“
.

See the fo ll o wi ng : A nd there is the ques t ion of the

woman s orgasm It is held by quite a go od many men some
’
.
,

women and many physicia ns say the sa me t hat a woman

, ,

also needs the orgasm and tha t if she does no t have it her
,

h ealt h su ff ers It is al so commo nly clai m

’
. ed that t h e woma n s

orgasm is essential in co ncept ion fo r the bes t re sul ts

“Wi th t hese co nt ent io ns I dis a ree I consider t he female
.

g .

orgasm an acquired habi t and no t na tural

“T he male needs th e orgas m t o expel the sperm b ut the
.

—
,

female has no analogous need her orgasm has nothi ng t o

do wi th expelli ng t he ge rm
“In all the a nimal embraces I have been able t o wi t ness
.

while the orgasm of t he male w as evident I could see no evi ,

dence of a female orgasm If th e femal e orgasm is no t nec es

.

sa
y an d does no t occ ur b elo w wo m an w hy should it be ,

necessa ry t o occur in woman?

T o give her pleasure is the a ns we r and a good o ne bu
‘ ’
,
t , ,

I hold that if she will have K are z z a she c an have a fi ner , ,

swee ter plea sure without it

“M obj ect io n t o the female orgasm in K are z za for it is
.

y (
t o be no ted t ha t in t he o rigi nal male cont i ne nc e t h e woman
‘ ’

h ad t he orgasm if she w anted it ) are th ree fo ld -

T hat self co nt ro l is more d iffi c u

-
lt for t he man where t he
woma n thu s i ndulges herself
“Tha t af ter he r orga sm t he w o ma n is les s m agne tic
.

e nthused and deli gh t ed as a pa rtner enj o ys th e K are z z a ,

less and q
, uite oft en soo n be c o mes i ndi ff e re nt de pressed ,

o r irri t able
“That i ndulgenc e in the orgasm o n ei the r s ide c ul t ivates
.

t he merely sexu al at the ex pe ns e of t he a ff ec t ions ] t he ,

romant ic th e spiri tual

“A s I k now tha t a wo ma n who h as k no wn the erfect
, .

p
orgas m may delib eratel y aband o n it s prac ti c e c o mpletely
in favor of K are z z a o n th e g ro und of its bei ng le s s s a t i s fy
,

ing tha n K a re z z a mi nus all o rgas m and as I k no w t h at ,

wome n who hav e neve r in all the ir livcs had an orgas m may
b e beau t ifull y sa ti s fied and bl i s fu lly h appy as well ass
1 58 The A rt o f Lo ve

h ealthy in K are z z a w i t hou t it , and this more and mo re as

t he years go o n, I feel that I have good grou nds for sayi ng
that I believe t he orgasm in t he w oman is entirely u nneces
s ary and art i ficial and t ha t she is be tt er o ff wi thou t it .

“T he o rdi nary male o r asmal embrace seldom sat is fies the

g
woma n It is to o brief and animal for her A nd if she is
. .

no t sa t i sfied in sex , of cou rse she su ff e rs Bu

. t if she can hav e
t he orgasm w i th it , t hat gives her a ki nd of sa tisfac t ion,
and t ha t is why the orgasm seems beneficial t o her , and her
physicia n seei ng t he benefit endo rses the act B ut t he same
.

woman could be be tter sat isfied in the no n o rgasmal embrace

-

of perfec t and prolo nged K arez z a , and the n the orgasm

—
would seem t o be needless t ha t is my po si t ion
“M obj eet ions to the female orga sm in conc ept ion are as
.

y
fo llows : When a woman has an orga sm she has a di scharge
of vi tal force and is left demagnet i zed , as a man is after an
-

orgasm I believe she demagnet i zes t he germ in so doi ng

.

and th a t in t his s tate it is less fit for impregnat io n t ha n if

t here had bee n no orga sm b u -
t this may be mere theory
“I believe to o that the ideal w ay in the proc reat ive em
.

, ,

brace is fo r the man to waive all a ttempt at pleasure or to

prolong the embrace , but t o have his o rgasm as quickly and
fo rcefully as possible , di rect i ng all h is magne t ism i nt o the
seed and draw ing nothi ng of her vital force from the woman,
-

bu t leavi ng it all for th e child , and then t o come immedi ately

away and ent i rely withdraw f rom t he room The woma n .

t o have an orgasm , and t o remai n aft er th e ac t quiet and

recumbe nt for an hou r or more T his also is theory , but
.

at leas t I c an say t ha t where my advice was a sked and fol

lowed pregnancy o ccu rred where befo re was ste rili ty A nd .

t h i s I kno w, tha t a woman c an conceive w i thou t h a vi ng an

o rga sm Th ere is every probabili ty , I would say , conside r
.

ing the sexual live s of the average , tha t t he maj o ri t y of

women conceive without it I believe t hat she co nceives mo re
.

easily and su rely without it, for it is rea so nable to i nfer

t hat th e spa smodic mo tions and abd omi nal co nt rac t ions of
the orga sm would te nd t o expel t he sperm and t hen leave th e
parts nega tive and fl acc id, i nste ad of avid and recept ive .

It is unnecessary to quo te mo re fully fro mthis pamphle t.

160 T he A r t o f Lo ve

n ude ate and p ract ic e 8 c whi ch he describes as j oini ng

st , . .
,

t he sexu al organs for any period desi red provided that the ,

p u r pose of t h e pa rties is pur e and th e male h as n o org as m

o r emi s sion O ne wou
. ld j udge th at he believes that mat ings
sh o u ld be pe rmanent in some degree though be nei th er ins ists
, ,

o n this no r o n co nve nt io nal mar ri age b u t t hi nks t hat mut ual ,

l o ve is a sufficient reas on for mat ing A ny bond which th is .

mat i ng involves he permit s to be diss olved at the will of th e

part ies In marri age or mat ing th e pract ice of s c , o r i nter
. . .

c ou rse wi tho u t orgas m o n th e part of t he male is th e ideal ,

s t a te e xce p t whe n the pa rtie s bo th wish child re n He think s .

,

s ince t he K aflirs in A frica whose y ou ng people be fore t h e

, ,

advent o f c ivilized man followed th e p r act i ces which he,

advocates and h ad no vene real di se as e pros t itu t ion abor , ,

t ions et c
, .that th e s am
, e practice s among adoles cents in
c iviliz ed s ocie ty wi t hou t res u lt as favo rably H e p romulga ted .

t his meth od at fi rst s ince b e co nceived it t o b e th e o nl y pu

, re

and s afe m e t hod fo r t he prevent ion of co ncept io n ; b u t lat er

h e disc ove red wha t he t hinks are o the r grea t advantages o f
t his me t hod H e say s that if t he m
. an re tai ns his s e men it
p r e se rves h is po tency an d t he m an so
, doi n g r emai ns v irile

t o a far m o re advanced age than the man who h as inte r

c o u rse wit h o rgasm He s ays t hat s c is better fo r the
. . .

woman and more enj oyed by her t ha n o rdi nary i nte rc ourse .

Si nce the s c is o rdinarily prol onged unt il th e woman has

. .

h ad o ne o r mo re o rgasms and s ince ordi nary i nt e rc o urse is

,

often compl e t ed fo r th e man before th e wom an h as o rgasm ,

t he re is no ques t io n b u t that th is st at ement is cor rec t in ma ny

c a ses . S till h e fail s to pe rceive that whe n ordi nary inter
,

c ou rse is prol o nged b y a conside rat e hu sb a nd u nt il h is wife

h as o rgas m it is j us t as sa t isfac t o ry for h er prob ably mo re
, ,

s o t han se x c o mmu nio n H e a sserts t hat men and women are

.

animal o n a le vel wi th th e b ru tes when th ey h ave o rdi nary

, ,

i ntercourse but th at two people of O pposi t e sex married or

, ,

no t are per fec tly pu re and confo rm t o the h ighe st ideals if

,

t hey l ove each o ther and have 3 c t oge ther so long as th e . .

,

man does no t expel his seme n wh ile the w o man may have ,

o rgasm at will .

H is d efini t ion of a virgi n is o ne wh o h as no t had c o m plete

 The Oneid a Co m mity
u and Itc D o c trine 16 1

intercou rse , th ough sh e may have had sex com munion wit h
o ut limi t I suppose though he nowhere makes the po int
.
,

clear that th e virgin, like any other woman, may or may not
,

h ave orgasm , p ro vided her part ner does no t .

It does no t seem po ss ib le that ma ny people could t reat thi s

philo sophy seriously ; b ut there are some pro found th inkers
who have ente r tai ned some similar free love doct rines I -
.

h ave a lre ady registered my o pposit io n to all free lo ve doc

-

t rines in an e arlier book and I thi nk I t he re gave su ffi c ient

,

rea s o ns , t hough I see s t ro nger reaso n every day fo r suc h

opposit ion Nevert heles s it may help to clear the air of th e

.
,

fo g which has sett led ove r the minds o f many people o n

th es e quest ions t o t ry to analy ze his and s imilar philo s ophies ,
all der ived from the doc t ri ne of m c T hey appeal t o som e . .

o f th e bes t people A ce rt ai n po rt ion of their doc t ri ne is

.

wise and salut a ry T heir avowed p urpo se to make better

.

and happier th e condi t ion of men and women and to c o n ,

t ribu t e t o the progress o f th e race is so far as I have b ee n ,

able t o learn their re al pu rp o se , and so t heir motive s cannot

,

be quest ioned .

T here is an analogy between Ch r is tia n Sc ience and simil ar

pseudo sc ientifi c quasi religiou s departures of modern
-
,
-

thou gh t from the ext reme dogmat ic ideali sm of the old and
the u ncomp rom isi ng sc ientifi c view of th e new , and m c . .
,

s e , etc
. . Th ese lat ter occupy also a middle gro u nd bet ween
.

the sex t abu of ancie nt idealism and th e ba ld , physiological

t eachi ngs of mode rn sc ience Older theologies considered the .

so ul only and igno red the body Older med ici ne co nside red .

the body o nly and ignored th e s oul P syche and s om a so ul .

,

and b o dy go t ogethe r are o ne ent i t y canno t be co nsidered

, , ,

apart, hence Chris t ian Science as a protest agai nst the par
t ially wro ng concept io ns o f both reli gion and medici ne .

Likewi se, our o ld ideas o f sex we re t o o idealis t ic t o allow th a t

anyt hing go od could come o ut of the phy sical side of sex ;
and when as evils m u l t iplied from the neglect of the physical
, ,

groping intell ige nce s as often as no t ent irely unsc ient ific
, ,

s trove by adopt ing m c s c et c to make s ome sligh t

,
. .
, . .
, .
,

concessions to the physical the while retaini ng all of the o ld ,

idealistic c o ncep t ion ; and the se methods co nt i nue as a pro

16 2 T he A rt o f Lo ve

t est also agai ns t th e fra nk physiological views dev o id of all ,

ideali sm of some very mode rn scient ists In short I recog

, .
,

ni z e in Ch ris t ian Science and it s cogeners and in m c and , . .

its deriva t ives t he first feeble a tt emp ts of pragmatism in its

revol t from any sort of ext remism Wh ile these cul ts are .

st eps in adva nce while t hey call at t e nt io n t o exi st i ng evils

, ,

w hile their often visiona ry doc t ri ne s i nst iga te a tt emp t s at

rat io nal solut ion and while I myself have bee n ready in neu
,

ro lo ic al work t o u t ili z e wha t ever of value I fou nd in Chri s

g
t ia n Scie nce and while I am no w ready in endeavoring t o
, ,

ou tli ne a rat ional sexology t o accep t for what they are

,

wort h the idea s of th e sex propagandi sts alluded to and giv e ,

credi t for ma ny valuable lessons tha t they have t augh t I ,

should dislike exceedingly to be conside red a fi rmadh erent of

any of their doc t ri nes in th eir ent i re t y .

T he primary reason for male cont i nence and any or all of

th e varia tio ns above ment ioned h as bee n admi tted by all
advocate s of these me t hods as cont rol of co ncept ion O rig .

inally whe n the world was you ng popula tio n sparse wars
, , ,

cons tant p ro tec t ion necessary nume rou s descendant s espe

, , ,

c ially male ones were in gr ea t dem

, a nd .

Did the s to ry in the Bible of the crime of O nan sp ri ng

from this need t o popula te the ea rth to m ake good the
—
i nevi t able pre civili z ed wa ste from war pest ile nce and
,
,

fami ne ? Very likely and it has well served through the

,

i nterveni ng centurie s as the foundat ion of the ch urch s warn ’

ing agai ns t prevent ion of concep t io n u nde r any ci rcum

s t ance s .

Bu t the t ime came when less childre n died in i nf ancy o r

childhood less adults als o died fro m violent o r avo idable
,

agencies ; child re n were given more and better care as

re spo ns ibili t ie s of pare nts t o children bec ame mo re and more
apparent and more t ime was take n per child However
‘

, . ,

wh ile the d angers of l ivi ng decrea sed for t he parents no

— —
,

les s children pe rhap s more children we re bo rn ce rt ai nly ,

mo re were reared Inevi t ably the t ime came when the dut ies
.

of parents particularly those of the mo thers made cons t ant

, ,

child beari ng and re aring imp o s sible if t hey them selves were
t o live and have any i ndividu al life of thei r o wn T hen the .
16 4 The A rt o f Lo ve

th o se who were ad vanced th inkers fo r their time s int roduced

male continence and its similars with th e obj e ct of bri nging ,

a w o ma n s ch iI d be ari ng w ithi n reas o n it w as beco mi ng evi

’ -
,

d ent t ha t cold ness in woman mea nt for neuro si s and temper

in hers el f and fo r su rline ss and u nch a st i ty in h er ma t e
—
.

Though unpremedi t a ted by t he au thors the long d ravm o u ,

-
t
p r el imi na r i e s an d ex c i t a t io n s of th e se me t h od s wer e a v ir t ua l
retu rn to nature as far as th e w om an was conce rned grat i
, ,

fy ing her natural dem ands fo r co urt ship ; and in sp ite o f t he

deeply imbedded not io ns th at all sex life was ev il sh e uns us , ,

p e ct ingl
y revol t i ng fro m t h e t o o d r as t ic s u ppress io n o f a t oo

t r a nsce nde nt al i dealis m began t o i ns ti nct ively res po nd and

,

to b los so m i nto th e t rue st and mos t p er fec t wo m anh oo d o f

t he p resent .

Her m ate saw th e change in h er and knew the d eli gh t o f

be ing the del ight o f his lo ved o ne Is it any wonder th at th e .

unscientifi c au tho r whom I have quoted so fully at the b e

ginni ng of the chapt er and all others who h ave expe riment ed
,

with s imila r method s and all t h e women experimented upon

, ,

sh ou ld rhap so d iz e ove r mod ific at ions o f t he sexu al rela tio n

which were su ch an adva nce o n the methods immed iately pre
ced ing , which h ad been no t h ing more t ha n a p ass io nfu l
w o m an fro zen ove r with t he superfi c ial ice o f church s man
.
’

d ate and co nvent ion serv ing as t he u nre spo ns ive recep t acle
o f ma n s l ove and pass ion which had no w bec o me becau se
’
, ,

o f w oma n s f rigidi t y
’
bu t wh ich de nied th e po ssibi li ty of
,

mutuality little more than lu st and selfish gratific at io n o n

,

h is pa rt ?
In fu rther d iscu ss ing th e rea s o ns fo r and aga inst male
co ntinence and similar doctrines and t hei r lim it at io ns, d an
g er s an d a d va nt age s I c a
, n ha r d ly do be tt e r t ha n quo t e por

t io ns o f my recent co rrespond ence wit h a w oma n physic ian

of high att a inment s and sc ientific method T his phys ic ian .

h as a most int ima t e knowledge of th e i nsid e work ings of the

One ida C ommu nit y ; and it is largely throu gh her th at I h av e
become much be tter i nfo rmed co nce rning the ir fo rmer belie fs
and p ract ic es .

A s a result o f my st ud ies and s o me little l m ow eldge o f

h y siology I was l ed t o m a k e t h e foll owing s omewhat

p
 T he O enid a Co mmunity and Ite D o ctrine 16 5

guarded s t at ement in “Rational Se x Ethic s ” p age

216
“L ong pre liminaries pr ol ongatio n o r re et i tio n are all
,

, p ,

within wid e limi ts innoc uo us for th e ordinary m

,
an and
s ho ul d o ne and all be evoked t o attain t his end
, , Interco u rse .

wit hout e mis sio n when it is found t hat t he w i fe cannot

,

b ecome mfik iently enth used is at t imes the me ans of so m

, ,
e ,

r elief t o th e man and a happy d ay fo r bo th t ho u g h t his ,

procedure carried to such an ext e nt as in t he O neida Co m

,

muni ty or as recomme nded in Zugassent s Discovery o r ‘ ’ ’

‘
K are zza must be ult ima t ely pe rnicious t o any virile m
’
, an o r
woman if it be long ca rried o ut in g ood fai th ”
.

D ear D r R ob ie
.

I h a ve j us t been read i ng y o u r intro duc tio n t o D r H W

“
. . .

’ “
L ong s book, S ane Sex Lif e and Sane Sex L ivi ng and note ,

t ha t y o u mentio n t h e possibility of our learning so m e th ing

of t he art o f l ove f rom t h e Hindoos

.
.

T his t ak en in co nju nc t io n with the refe rence t o coit u s

re servat ion in th e ninth ch apt er of L o ng s book and in Vo l
’
.

VI of Havelock Ell i s “ St udies in th e P sychol ogy o f S ex

’ ”
,

pag e 5 54 make me wish t o inquire if in your s tudies yo uh a

1, ve
fou nd any re ference to coitus reservat u s in med i cal l i terat ure
p revious t o 1 844 whe n J ol1 u Humphrey Noy es made th e
,
“
d isc o vel y of wh a t he ca lls M al e Co ntinence ”
“
.

H is says : Noyes beli eved th a t mal e cont inence h ad ’

'
‘

nev er c r evio u sl
y bee n a d efi nit el
y r ecogni z ed p rac tice b ased

o n th e o ry th o ugh there migh t h ave b e en occasio nal app ro xi

.

ma tio n t o it T his 18 probably true if th e coitus is reser

.

”
vat u s i n th e f ul l se nse with complete ab sence of emis sio n
, .

I am aware tha t it h as bee n rediscovered sever al t imes

si nc e th at da t e at lea st twice by ph ysi cians .

Do you k now where a fuller descri ptio n of this meth o d

and it s phy siology c an b e fou nd in med i cal l it er atu re ? I
h ave o ne of t he o riginal p am phl et s in which J H N oyes . .

des c ribed h is meth od b ut he w as no t a ph ysician In case

,
.

t his pamphle t sh ou l d be revi s ed by a phy sician c oul d it b e ,

s e nt t hrough t he mails t o ph s ic ians ?

16 6 The A rt o f Lo ve

Dr Alice B Sto ckh ams

. .
’ “ ”
book K arez z a has a quot a t ion
from t his pamphlet from pp 1 2 0 t o 1 2 7 and t he ent i re .
,

book deals w it h th e subj ect A side from Elli s and Lo ng I .

fi nd few medical authori t ies who t rea t of the subj ect at all .

I shall greatly apprecia te any info rmat ion w hich you may
give me o n t his subj ect .

Sincerely ,

M D . .

’
Jan 1 3 , 2 0
. .

My Dear Dr
I hope you will pard on me fo r neglect i ng your lett er so
long T he t ruth is I am fairly swam ped wi th work and
.
,

co rrespondence and am at t he same t ime t ryi ng to fi nish

ano ther bo o k Book and correspo ndence have bo t h had t o
.

be set aside lately

“
.

” “
I have read E lli s also K are z za Zu gassent s D isc o v
’

“
” ”
ery and S t rike of a Sex
, ,
I read at o ne t ime co nsiderable
“
.

O rient al li terature like t he “ K oran

”
th e
”
D ab istan and
“
, ,
”
s ome of K ama Sut ra t o which Howard refers in t he li t t le
,

rep ri nt which I e nclose and which plea se ret urn

, I have .

no remembrance of t he ment io n of coi t us re se r vatu s ( in t h e

sense refe rred to by you ) prior t o 1 844 .

I al so have been i nte res t ed t o find mo re abou t this in the

l i tera tu re and espec ially t he resul ts of th e prac t ice s by the
,

O neida C ommu ni ty and o t her sec t s and have wondered how ,

ext ensively thi s h as ever been followed as a bona tide p rac

t i ce . I have k now n of a number of couples who have t ri ed
t hi s o u t fai t hfully and i nva r i ably the re has followed weak
,

ened p o tency or impotency in the man ; and it is well k now n

th at wo me n who pe rsis t in i nt ercou rse wi t hou t orgasm even ,

in cases where there is appare nt frigidi t y and no desire ,

ul timately become hys terical or othe rwise neurotic and ,

ma ny o f them su ffer i nt olerably from sexual desi re Thi s .

pract i ce as an occasional expedient whe n the man is of ,

lowe red po tency is all right and it allows him t o sa t i sfy h is

, ,

wife wi thout harm to himself and when a wife find s that sh e

c an have no orgasm at a pa rt icular t ime it oft e n w o rlis wel l

fo r the hu sba nd also t o refrai n ; bu t whe n this p ract ice is

16 8
°

The A rt o f Lo ve

d id no t especi ally favo r th e pract ice P erhap s the method .

us ed may have been at fault as you r observat ions seem ,

nearly t he reverse of mine and of th e experience of t he

O neida Communi ty as you will see by the pamphlet M ale “
,
”
C o nt i ne nce by J H Noyes which I se nt you ye st erday
“
.
,
”
(p . Th e i nt e nt ional impreg na t io n s refe rred t o h ave
t o do wi th t heir experim ent in S cientifi c P ropaga t ion o r
S t i rpicult ure . Duri ng the early years of t he Commu ni t y th e
b irt h rate aver aged but tw o per year unt il in 1 86 9 they
-
, ,

e ntered i nt o th e S t i rpicul tural expe r ime nt u nder t he direc

t io n of th eir St i rpicultural commi tt ee when the bi rt h rat e ,

-

increased t o be tween six and seve n b irt hs per year so that , ,

in the followi ng ten years six ty t wo children we re b o m ,

-

four were st ill born O i the fi fty eight livi ng bi rt hs fi f ty

-
.
-
,

t wo are livi ng t o day th e oldes t bei ng fi fty years old and t h e

-
,

y ou nge st fo r ty T .ha t is perce n t have, died i n t h e

fo rt y fi ft y year period while

-
percent of babies die
,

in New York C it y before the fi rst bi rt hday is reached and ,

t he ra te for t he cou nt ry at large is greate r s t i ll

T he com
.

plex ma rriage sy stem which was a part of th e

-
,

r eligio n of th e Commu nit y and which enabled t hem t o e z er

,

ci se a ce rtain select ion of parent s was abandoned 111 defer ,

e nce t o public opi nion in 1 879 ; and the monoga mic sy st em

o f m arriage h as bee n fai thfully adhered t o si nce .

In 1 880 the Communi stic form of society was abando ned ,

and a j oi nt st ock compa ny formed u nder th e name O neida ,

C ommunity L imi ted which is s t i ll carryi ng o n busi ne sse s in

, ,

W hich many of t he se S t i rpicult ural childre n are no w leade rs

.

and m anagers . M any o f the S t i rpicu ltural childre n married

outside t he group and some have drift ed away B ut of the
, .

eigh teen (9 couples ) who married wi thi n th e gr oup t he re ,

h as been an average of slightly over three children per mar

r iage ; t hat is twent y eight child ren bet wee n th e ages of
,
-

t wo and t wenty tw o years and so far there has been nei ther
-

—
,

a st ill bi rth no r a dea th

- 1 00% livi ng .

I have been u nable to fi nd any book which gives the physiol

of rese rv a tus in its di ff ere nt st age s as it sh o u ld be do ne
o
gy , .

N o r c an I find a scientifi c accou nt of wha t beco me s of the

 The Oneid a Co mmunity and Its D o c trine

undischarged semen no r an out line of what precau t i o ns are

,

nece ssary t o make the met hod s afe and heal t hful .

T here is a D r . who claims t o have ind e

pendently discovered a system of reservatu s about twenty
o ne years ago
“
H e calls h is sy stem sex commu nio n and
”
,
“
.

says that his lecture s are for th e double purp ose of te ach
ing sex com munio n and of showi ng that man doe s no t nee d
”
an orga sm at any t ime excep t ing fo r proc reat ion He .

seems sincere in h is belief but I do no t believe that most men

, ,

duri ng the pe riod of great e st vit ali ty would agree with ,

him In teachi ng this method as an art I beli eve its limita

.
,

t io ns as well as its benefi ts sho u ld be poi nted o ut .

T o me t he ques tio n resolves i t self i nt o o ne of normal sex

,

rhyt hm or cycle which may be divided i nto fou r st age s

a S tage o f phy siological impo t ence foll owi ng emi ssi o n
.
,

int ent ional or duri ng sleep varies in length from h alf an

,

hou r to several days .

b S t age in which the re is some pot ent iali ty t owa rd the

.

other sex but which may be s atisfied by s imply ca ressing o r

“
, .

s ome m
”
o difi c at io n of Diana .

c
. S tage of full potent i ali ty to ward other sex In o rdi .

nary married life t his po te nt iali ty is soo n lo st bec ause of

,

coit us i nterrupt u s or completus Wh e re res ervatu s is prac

.

t iced h o wever this po t e nt iali t y may be retai ned fo r s om e

, ,

t ime duri ng which there may be several c o nt rolled meet i ngs

,

which shou ld prove very satisfyi ng if care is t ake n to remai n

t oget her quie t ly for a few mi nut es before separating t o ,

enable the normal circulat io n to be rest ore d T he re sh o uld .

be no exhaus t ion wha t ever and no reac t io n or depress ion fol

lowi ng but i nste ad a reali z at ion of power and vic t o ry a
, , ,

sense of well being and renewal of life and vigor T his st age
-
.

las t s from a day or two to a week or m o re T oward the end .

of thi s pa rt of t he cycle the de si re fo r emission may b eco me

,

more and more i nsistent and if denied may lead to mo re o r

, ,

less c o nge st ion o f the parts which , if persi sted in might in

, ,

t urn pro ve harmful No rmally I believe that the best

.
,

re su lts are experienced by no t inhibit ing the desi re fo r

em issi o n to o lo ng bu , t th e app ro ach o f
 '

1 70 The A rt o f Lo ve

d S tage in which emi ssion is re ali zed , sh ould be co nsid

.

ered as perfec tly no rm al , and pr ovided fo r in the mos t sc i

e nt i tle manner which is mutually agreeable and ha rmless to

bo th .

B y i nqui ring of so me of the old mem bers of the O neida

C ommu ni ty , I find th at the re w as no as cetic st andard of
denial , but an occasional failure was condo ned T h e men .

were i nst ruc t ed to wat ch for danger signal s, and if u nable

t o cont rol , t o wi thd raw , endi ng t h e i nte rview T hey were .

also cau t io ned t o avoid accidents by keeping well away from

t h e danger point T ho se who we re weak in t hi s way and
.
,

liable to frequent failu re in cont rol we re no t favored as ,

partner s by th e younger wome n and were oblige d to associ

at e mo stly wi th th e olde r women who had passed th e t urn of
life ; as we re als o inexperienced you ng men and new
membe rs .

I should say th at the woman s cycle whe re re serva tus ’

,

w as th e chief method o f sex expression w o uld be similar t o ,

t he ma n s wi th the added fact or of her pe riod befo re after

’
, ,

o r du ri ng which her respo ns ive ne ss is u sually i ncreased

,
.

M any find it easie r to consummate at thi s time tha n at any

t ime be t wee n pe riod s Her c risi s causi ng le ss reactio n and
.
, ,

her loss being of a less vi ta l nat u re than the man s may ’

s afely be i ndulged m o re frequent ly t ha n his where this is ,

desired o r whe re conges tion is no t relieved without T he

, .

consequence of undesi red pregnancy would no t have to be

co nsidered A nothe r fac tor act ing o n both would be the
.
, ,

amount of sex force tha t was bei ng subli mat ed in other direc
-

tio ns and no t requi ri ng expressio n as sex .

I sho uld greatly app reciat e seei ng wha t you are writ i ng
o n the art of love as you sugge s t and would be glad t o be
, ,

o f a ssi stance in l o o ki ng up refe rence s etc if you wi sh it , .

, .

S ince rely ,

Dear Dr .

I mmore ashamed
a th a n ever to have neglected you r let
whi ch explai ned
t er, so t horoughly some p roblems which I
.

had wi shed t o solve . I mus t ple ad a lo t of medical work ,

1 72 The A rt o f Lo ve

ference qua nti ta t ively in virility T here is nothi ng t o show .

t ha t th e m
m
en in th e O C were remarkably virile
. . Rathe r .

let u s sa t hey were o nly

y o d era tely so or t hey w o uld ha rdly ,

have submi tt ed to the rest ri ct ions of the communi ty Y our .

observat io n were ba sed o n these I hav e h appened t o kno w .

of some u nusually virile specimens who have experimented

with thi s practice Hence o ne apparent di fference in o ur
.

find ings which is o nly a qua nt it at ive di ff erence is no re al

, ,

diff e re nce Co ncerni ng t he second di ffe rence : you speak

.
,

and mo st all of th e sex st udents and advi sers of t he pas t

,

have spoken as if t here mus t be such sex rep ression o n the

, ,

part of the male espec ially t o preserve health and st rength, .

T h e fear of sex expre ss io n co ns ta ntly in o ne s mi nd wo rks ’

ult imately as a s ubl ima tion ac t ivi t y (at fi rst the fear acts as
s timulation la ter as sublima t ion) i nduci ng a sort of p sychic
, ,

ema s cula t io n which really preve nts

, to s ome ex t e nt secre , ,

t io n of semen in t he male and insti nc t ive e rot ic desi re in th e

female I have seen many cases of bo t h sexes who fearing
.
,

inJu ry f r om expressio n h ave rep ressed sex and t hough

, ,

the re resulted decrea si ng effi ciency afte r a t ime t he re w as ,

compa ratively li ttle physical di scomfort A ft er thi s fea r .

was ba nished from the mi nd s of those who h ad lived u nde r

it t o the age of thi rty fiv e o r fo rty five t hei r sex expe rience s
- -
,

became three o r four or five t imes as frequent as under the

former st ate of repression A fter a few mont h s or a few .

years of this more liberal regime it was impo ssible fo r ,

them t o get back t o t he forme r st anda rd of continence o r

the inefficiency which h as bee n co nco m i tant wi th it .

Now my expe rime nts in rese rvat us and th o se o f o thers

, ,

I know abo u t came after the k nowledge t hat a fai r amo unt
,

of s ex rep ression was no t only c o mpa t ible wi th health vigo r ,

and e nd u r a nce b u t a sine q,u a 110 71 t o t he highe st perfec t ion

of these Doubt les s t here was great er secret ion in t he mal es
.

and more freq uent erot ic prompti ng in the female th an if

all h ad h ad a feeling that ethics o r religion o r heal th requ ired
the m aximum of rep ressio n T hen t o o all we re quite agree d
.
,

that proc reat io n should occu r only when both pa rent s

desired child ren The p ro spect ive mo ther was to m
. ake the
 The One id a Co mmu
ni ty and Its D o c trine 1 73

fi nal decision ; and u nt il she was ready quit e safe me t hods

o f p reve ntio n were followe d .

A fter all thi s I thi nk you will agr ee t hat, consideri ng all
t hi ngs, we a gree very well You say t ha t the be st results
.

we re obtai ned whe n desire fo r emissio n w as no t i nhibi t ed to o

l ong, e specially du ri ng a ma n s mos t virile years
’
Now , I .

sa
y t he same ide nt ical t hi ng ; b ut w i t h proper m a nageme nt
’
a man s most virile years pos sibly begi n at eigh tee n or
t wenty and co nt i nue t ill sixt y or seventy Ho w lo ng should .

t his desire fo r emi ssion be i nhibi t ed ? We should no t agree

exact ly as to that because we have observed di ff ere nt people
fro m sligh tly di ff ere nt viewpo i nt s I am co nfi dent t h at .

amo ng self res p ec ti ng people of bot h sexes re pression has

-

do ne infi nitely more harm than excess T here is a cert ai n .

poi nt up t o which repression e nhances a man s virili ty or a ’

’
w oma n s nubili ty If carried beyo nd tha t p oi nt it gradually
.

weake ns and finally elminates t hi s fact or from life L o ts o f .

people c o nside r their s tate after this eli mi na tion o r partial ,

el imi nat ion o ne of conscious or moral control T hey thi nk

, .

t hey have t ranscended sex whe n it has beco m e weakened or

d es t royed. T heir fi nal s t ate is no t o ne of moral age ncy
exert i ng repressio n b ut of i nvolu nt ary im p ot e nce You and
, .

I k now that the impo te nt or approxima t ely impo te nt man or

w oma n at any age and for any cause is a prey t o neurosis
, ,

if no t ali enat ion is mo re subjec t t o all physical ill s is less

, ,

happy is les s liable t o live lo ng is less reliable in every

, ,

way is less crea tive i f at all so and is infinitely less fo rceful

, , ,

t ha n o ne who is pot e nt .

I t hink you have wo rked from the vie w poi nt t ha t sex -

expression ke pt at an irreducible mi nimum gives bes t results .

I have w orked wi th an early belief and I th ink I c an say wi th ,

l a ter knowled ge that nat ural ex pressio n accordi ng t o all

,

personal eq uat io ns of husbands and w ives mu tual reciprocal ,

sati sfact io n some t imes daily usually bi or t ri weekly occa

, ,
-
,

s io nally weekly or bi m onthly add to the present and per

-
,

mane nt virility of t he pa rt ies and consequently to t he healt h ,

le ngth of life usefulness creat ive po w er et c

, , I k no w a lo t , .

of i nterest ing cases of change of belief and prac t ice in thi s

matt e r so me under obse rvation a few months some twe nty
, ,
1 74 The A r t o f Love

t o thi rty years I wish I could tell you of them b ut Id hav e

.
,
’

t o wri t e a book t o do it .

M y o wn expe rience is no t essent ially di fferent from ma ny

others B riefly my w ife had the ultra idealis t ic ide as of
.
,
-

most New E ngland girls Her early experiences tended to .

p sychologic misdirec t io n and phy s ical revulsio n in sex m at

ters . I believed that t h e man should respond only t o t he
woma n s desire For years th ere was no desi re apparent
’
.

and it t ook t ime in t he absence of all i ns t ruc t io n t o fi nd

, ,

how to elicit this Often when we both t hought there might

.

be we tried and fi nd ing the re was no ne I refrained from

, ,

o rgasm A fter tw o or th ree of these expe riences at inte rvals

.

of a day o r a w eek my su ff e rings would be i nt olerable and ,

I would be forced t o accept her alway s read y o ffer of a ecom

mo d at io n whe the r she could co nsummate or no t T hese were
, .

mi serable years of w ork wo rry and anxiety for both of us ,

.

I f they had co nt i nued we should bot h have go ne t o the bo w “

w o ws , or I should have s tarved sex and she would have s t ill
h ad neurosis i nst ead of sex no rmali ty If the latter condi .

t io n had supervened it is i nconceivable t hat as I became

, ,

less virile and she more neuro tic w e should have become more
, ,

capable mentally and physic ally .

Ins t ead we lea rned gradually t o affiliat e ; and where at

,

t we nty three t o twe nty six sh e had perhaps th ree or f ou r

- -

orgasms a year, no w at fi fty three a reco rd for J an 1 920,

,
-
, .
,

show s sixtee n a month ; and whe re I had wi th great irregu ,

larity several pe rhap s in a day and then perhaps no more

, ,

for a week or a month no w at fi fty three the same month, , ,

-
,

J anuary shows twe nty at ve ry regul ar i nt erval s

, .

It is easily demonst rable that at the pre sent t ime ei the r

o ne of u s is capable of t wice o r thrice t he sus t ai ned me ntal

o r physical e ff o rt t hat we were at t wenty t hree t o t we nt y -

s ix ; b u t in my e a se up t o the age of nine years I did no t go

, ,

t o school and numerou s phy sici ans said t here was no hope of
,

rai si ng me ; and at th e t ime of her ma rr iage o ne phy sician

s aid my w ife would be i nsa ne and a neu rologi st said she ,

would become an epilept ic In thi s month of J anuary I have .

wri tt en s ome two hu ndred page s of M S fo r t he book I m en .

tio ned and she has typewri t ten it all at m

, y dic t at i o n I .
1 76 T he Z r t o f L o ve

p hysica l c o ns eque nces of n at ur al sex expres s io n I bel ieve .

in the repression all righ t ; I have exercised and advised it ;

bu t o ne mu st
“temper th e wi nd t o t h e shorn lamb
”
To o
much repression is more destruc tive than excess
.

I hope you will cont i nue your researches T here is a .

g rea t field here t h e wo rki ng o u,t of t h e proper rela t io ns of

married people You have run o n t o more li terature t han I
.

o n t his subj ec t of rese rva t us ; bu t it ema na t es mos t ly in some

w ays from th e Noyes pamphle t o n male co nt i nenc e which I ,

h ave read and tha nk you for great ly As t o what becomes .

of the semen et c I thi nk you will fi nd no adequat e descrip

, .
,

t io n . I am goi ng t o vent ure an opi nio n o n t his in my next

b ook and when do ne I will send it t o you
, I will be o n th e .

l ookou t for any references to thi s subj ec t and will i nform

you if I find any .

S i nce rely ,

M arch 1 8, 1 92 0
.

D ear Dr R obie , .

You r recent lette r and M S were received and read wi th .

much interest T hank you for your ca reful analysis of the

.

s itua t ion as give n in t h e le tt er and for th e opportu ni ty t o ,

ex ami ne th e M S which I much a pprec iated T here are of

.
, .
,

course many poi nts at whi c h I do no t see qui te eye t o eye

,

wi th you T hese di fferences may be part ly due however t o

.
, ,

t he gre at diffic u lt ies in givi ng absolu tely accura te expres sio n

t o our thoughts o n paper For i ns t ance I gather the
.
,

impres sion from your wri t i ngs t ha t you do no t consider

t he po ssibili ty of obt ai ni ng absolu t e sa t isfac t ion and det u
mescence by means of rese rvatus which h as ac tually been ,

p rove n t o be t h e case in ma ny i nst ance s whe re a p rope r

t ech nique w as used b u

“
t refer t o it as a mea ns of some relief
,

t o t he m an
”
If separat io n t akes place while t h e local
.

o rga ns are st ill in a co nges te d s t at e I will admi t that ve ry ,

l itt le sat isfac t ion is experienc ed t ha t it is of short durat io n , ,

and t hat t he t e st es and ovaries may both be left in a pai n

fully congested st a t e Th is is merely refraini ng from orgas m
.

and is no t a t rue re serva tus .

T he success of thi s me thod depends largely upon adap t a

 The Oneid a Co mmunity and Its D o c trine 1 77

t io n t o i ndividual needs T here is no thi ng that I k now o f

. ,

no w in p r i nt w hich analy z es every phase in su ffi c ie nt det ail ,

so tha t no t o nly the woman bu t bo t h partners may receive
,

equal be ne fit and sat isfact io n T he more nearly sex expres

.

sio n c an be kep t o n the h igher or afi ect io nal plane t he

'

, ,

more complete will be the subli m a t ion of sex int o love and ,

th e less impelli ng will be t he need for comple te co nsu m ma tio n .

J H Noyes certainly made a great forward s tep whe n

.

he poi nted o ut that the ac t fulfi lls t wo dist i nc t funct io ns t h e ,

social and the propagat ive and de mons trat ed h o w thes e

“
,

fu nc tio ns may be separate d pract ically He s t ab s t hat a .

man shou ld content himself wi t h the social act except when ,

”
he i nt ends procreation While this high ideal may be pos
.

s ible of at t ai nment in a few except io nal c ase s or u nder excep

t io nal circumst ances for t he lo nger or sho rter period wi thou t

harm being do ne I believe tha t if this ex treme is carried
, ,

i nto prac t ice for very lo ng periods mos t i ndividuals would ,

su ffer harmful resul ts in varyi ng degree For this reason I .

have tri ed t o bri ng o ut some of the se poi nts by ca rrying

t he a nalysis a s tep further than a nyo ne else has do ne
“
.

”
Hirsh in his T ext Book o n O bs t e t rics gives an analysis ,

of coi tus complet u s which i nclude s a period of quiescence

after o rga sm before separat io n to assure a more thorough
, ,

emptyi ng of the semi nal ve sicles and inc rease the likelihood,

of impregnat io n where this is desired It also aids in redue

, .

ing conge st ion so that a more complet e feeli ng of sat isfac

tio n supervenes than when a has ty separat ion is necessary .

I consider t his st age of quiesce nces eve n more important in

t he case of rese rva tu s as it e nables the normal circulat ion t o
,

be res to red and a sense of sa tisfac t ion t o supervene nearly , ,

if no t qui te as grea t as when orgasm has occurred .

We have t hen fo r ordinary i nt ercou rse, th e following

,

stages

1. P repa rati o n ,

2 U nion
m
.
,

3. R eciprocal mo t io ns ca rried ,
t o th e p o t whe re t h e

reflex ce n t e rs are st imula t ed an d voli t io n al co n t rol is lo st ,

4 O rgasm mut ual whe re po ssib le

.
, (D e t ume s ce nc.e b y
o rgasm )
i 7s The A rt o f Lo ve

ference quanti t at ively in virility There is nothing to show .

t ha t t h e m
m
en in t he O C were remarkably virile. . Rathe r .

let na say they were o nly oderately so o r they would hardly ,

have submi tted t o the res t rict ions of the communi ty Y ou r .

observation were based o n these I hav e happened to know .

of some unusually vi rile specimens who h ave expe riment ed

wit h thi s pract ice Hence o ne app arent di ff erence in o ur
.

find ings which is o nly a qua ntit a tive di ff ere nce is no re al

, ,

di ff erence Co ncerni ng the second di ff erence : you spe ak

. ,

and most all of th e sex st udents and advi sers of the pas t
,

have spoken as if there mus t be such sex repres sion o n the

, ,

part of the male esp eci ally t o pre serve health and st rength , .

Th e fear of sex expression cons t a ntly in one s m ind work s

’

ultimately as a s ublimat ion act ivi ty ( at fi rst th e fear acts as

st imulat io n la ter as sublima t ion)
, i nduci ng a so rt of psychi c ,

ema sculat io n which really preve nts

, t o some ex t ent secre , ,

t io n of semen in t he male and inst i nc t ive e r ot ic de si re in the

female I have seen many c ases of bo t h sexes who fearing
.
,

inj ury from expressio n have rep ressed sex and though , ,

the re resulted decreas i ng effi ciency afte r a t ime t he re was ,

comparat ively li ttle physical di scomfo rt A ft er this fea r .

was ba nished from the mi nds of thos e who h ad liv ed u nder

it to th e age of t hirty fi ve or fo rty fi ve t heir sex experie nces
- -
,

became three o r four or five t imes as frequent as under the

former s t a te of repre ssion A fter a few mont hs o r a few .

years of thi s more liberal regime it w as impo ssible fo r ,

them t o get back t o t he former st anda rd of cont inence o r

t he ineffi c ienc y which h as been co ncomi tant wi th it .

N o w my experime nt s in rese rva t us and tho se of o t hers

, ,

I k now abou t came after the k nowledge t hat a fair am

, ount
of sex repression was no t only compa t ible with health vigo r ,

and e nd u ra nce bu t a sine q ua mm to th e highest perfect io n

,

of the se D oubtle ss t here was greater secret ion in the males

.

and more freq uent erotic prompti ng in the female than if

all had had a feeli ng that ethics o r religion or health required
t he maximumof repression T hen to o all were quite agreed
.
,

t hat proc reat io n should occu r only when bot h pa rents

desired ch ildren T he p ro spective mo ther was to make the
.
1 78 T he Ar t o f Lo v e

5 . P eriod
of quiescence before sepa rat io n .

For re se rvat us Long mentions only t h e fi rst two and

, ,

J H Noyes ment io ns o nly t he seco nd two in his pamphlet

. .

I t hi nk t his is bes t described in four st ages

1 . P reparat io n ,

2 . U nion ,

3 . Re c iprocal motions which are kept at all t imes u nder

co ntrol of the will In the simplest form t his third s t age may
.
,

be omi tted especially for a nyo ne u naccust omed to th e

,

method .

4 . P e riod of quiesce nce (D e t ume

. s ce nce by quie sce nce ) .

Where thi s t ech nique is u sed there is no eff ort of t he will

,

t o end the i nterview b u t t h e erec t io n is so comple tely

,

reduced t ha t th e organs m ay even fall apart of t heir o w n

accord and surely no harmful res ul ts could follo w This is .

ideal re serva tus T h e sex impulse is t ransmu ted int o lo ve

.
,

and the magnet i sm is di ffused t hroughou t the body givi ng ,

new life and vigor and a sense of sa t is fied well bei ng -

.

A s o ne advoca t e of many yea rs s t andi ng pu ts it :

’

“I seem to subli mat e my partner i nt o a paradise of t ender

peace and roma nt ic reverie and thrill her t o a sort of soul
i nto xicat io n of magnetic bliss T his u nspeakably s atisfies
. .

T h e orgas m would se em to be qui t e the a nt i p odes of t his ,

and would be a c rude shock by contras t Why wi sh for .

‘
h o t dogs when t he apples of He speride s are at you r lips ?
’

T h erefore you see all my aim is t o e stablish t his wo nderful

magnet ic rappo rt and thi s romantic poet ic ecs t acy The , .

p u r ely s exual is almo st forgo tt e n and is o nly gen

,era t or of
t he neeed ed magnet ism It is o nl y a sauce t o t h e real meat
.
,

o r shall I compare it t o t h e cook in th e ki t chen forgot t e n ,

at the banquet board ? Th e luxurious deliciou s dai nt i ness ,

of the blis s is almos t beyond recognit ion even at the moment .

Words fail We are li terally angels in heaven in our i nno

—
.

ce nce and conscious puri y and u ntellable mu t ual love our

t
s pi ri t ual exal t at io n of s ex i nt o soil Who would care fo r .

an orga sm in such an emo t ional st at e of divine reali z a t ion ?

—
It would seem coarse would bri ng the s oul down wi th
—
clipped wi ngs to earth be sides it would bri ng all t o an
—
ab rupt end do no t even think of it o r ment ion it T hat is .
 T he Oneid a Co mmunity and Its Do ct rine 1 79

t he mood S o you see I could no t very w ell a naly ze the

.
,

embrace in the method ical w ay you and D r do .

,

t hough t hat is all righ t T his vivid des o r 1pt i o n was se nt .

in to D r Y in ans w er t o a quest ionnai re

. . .

I do no t thi nk that reserv at us sho uld be represent ed as

fu lfilling every need no r t ha t it should be t he o nly m , ea ns of
“ ” “
sex ex pressio n as repreesnted in K arezz a M ale C o n ,
”
t inence and Y s le c tu res and I h av e been s urp r ised tha t
’
, .
,

no t o ne of these advocates of t he me thod sho u ld i ndica te the

po s sible dangers and harmful consequences and give pre ,

cau tions necessary t o be observ ed t o avoid th ese .

You thi nk t he cases which I have observ ed may h ave bee n

exceptional in t ha t th e men of t he O C were o nly mo d “ . .

”
ratel
y virile A s there is no mea ns of
.
p r o v i ng thi s I wil l ,

no t refu te your st at eme nt b u t my o p i nio n is t h at all types ,

w ere repre se nt ed in fair pro po rt ion but tha t t he evil e ff ec t s ,

su c h as the dev elop me nt of i nc reasi ng i mpo tenc e a mo ng the

men and neuro ses a mong t he wome n w ere no t observed Rec .

ords were made by com pe tent ph y si c ia ns o n these very

poi nts at the t i me which may prove th e co nt rary
, .
2
.

M ay it no t be tha t yo ur obs erv at i o ns have al s o be en lim

ited in ano ther w ay ? T h ose pra c ti c i ng reserva t u s wi th
mu t ual sa ti s fac tion and suc cess w o uld no t be in need of
cou ncil and so would no t c ome u nd er observat io n
, .

I asked an old m emb er of t he O C i f t he m en w ere give n . .

to mast urba t io n as a mea ns of relief of co nges tio n aft e r

rese rva tu s and he sai d th at he nev e r hea rd o f such a case .

T he P uri t ani c al s t a ndard s w ould b e agai ns t it T here w ere ,

“
.

”
h ow ever b idet tes
, and si t s b ath t ubs w i th in easy access -

whi c h w ere dou b tless of value in redu c i ng any remaini ng

co nges tio n .

We m ust reme mber t hat the ne wer a tt i tude regardi ng

au t o e rot i sm h ad no t bee n de veloped forty and more years
-

2 “R e o rt N e rvo u s D ise ases in t he O ne id a Co m u

on nity, b y Th eo m ”
p
d o re R N o ye s M D , in t h e N ew Yo r k M ed ical G aze t te, O ct 22, 1 870
. . . . . .

A lso rep rinted in th e O ne id a C irc u lar , N o v 7, 1 870

“A G neco lo ical S t u mm
. .

y g d y o f t h e O neid a C o u n ity
”
b y E l y V an dc .

1Vark er, o f S yracu se , N Y , in the A me r ican Jo ur nal o f O b ste tn m,

‘

m
.

m
.

A ugu st 1 884 (Th e e xa in a t io ns o f th e 42 wo e n o n w h ich t h is st udy

m m
. .

was b ased , w ere ad e in N o ve b er,

1 80 The Ar t o f L o ve

ago no r had th e newer met hod s of bi rth cont rol bee n

,

adva nced For t his reason I advocate a re considera tio n of

.
-

t he whole subj ect wi t h a view of givi ng re serva tus it s o wn

,

proper place as a means of sex express ion .

“
T he re is a place even for D ia na ”
It may sat i s fy a fe w .
,

and where t hi s is t h e case I have no obj ec t io ns to o ff er

, A .

wider field of applica t io n I should consider as o ne of th e

,

s te ps in prepara t io n for i ntercourse or as a s ubst it ut e whe n

t he lat ter was no t possible or desi red .

In the same way rese rvat u s may completely sa t isfy some

, ,

and I have no quarrel wit h t hem Bu t its wid es t field of

“
.

”
u sefulness would be in t he c s tage of t he normal sexual
cycle de scribed in my las t le tter You ask ho w long the .

desire for emission should be i nhibited With a li tt le experi .

ment a tion I believe each couple will be able to determi ne this

,

for t hemselves Of cou rse this w ould vary accordi ng to cir

.
,

cu mstances and accordi ng t o th e amount of normal sexual

,

or magnet ic reserve of t h e i ndividual If thi s re se rve is t o o .

frequently drawn upo n there w ill be a sensa t io n of react io n

,

or depression follo w i ng and the cycle should be lengthe ned

,

u nt il a cycle is es tablished wherei n t his reac tion is no t p res

ent . O nc e or more t ime s in 2 4 hours would no t be to o fre
quent for th e mos t virile O nce in three or fou r days is no t
.

at all u nusual and meant ime there may be several reserva tu s

,

meeti ngs and t he amount of sex expre ssion w o uld be ac tually

,

increa sed over w hat would be pos sible othe rwise You are
“
.

mi st aken in thi nking that I consider an irreducible mi nim um

of sex expressio n to give bes t results You seem t o c o n
”
.

s ider reserva t us as repre ssio n while I thi nk of it as expres

,

sio n of the highes t order I al so co nsider it t o be in th e li ne

.

of evolutio n A s all progress in civili z at ion has been by

.

means of the voli t ional part of the brain gradually t aking

over more and more of the proce sses tha t were fo rmerly
reflex o r i nst i nct ive so t h e sexual na t ure is t h e la st t o b e
,

take n over Evolut ion dem ands that t his shall be do ne

. .

F ame awai ts at the door of him to whom is given th e task of

so educating humani ty that it may come to see it in t hi s
light .
1 82 The A rt o f L o ve

M ar . 2 8,
’
20 .

Dear Dr .

As you say it is diffi cult to co nvey o n paper fi ne shade s

,

of me ani ng From your las t lett er I ga ther th at you and I

.

agree almos t absolutely o n all maj or poi nts .

M y cri t icism of O C “K are z za ”

81C was based o n th e
. .
, , .

st a tements of all advo c at es (except you ) that orgas min th e

male was never neces sary except for procreat ion My inves .

t igatio ns all sho w and you appare ntly agree wi t h me t ha t

, ,

th at is no t physiolo gical ; and no cases have bee n brou gh t

forward t o show that this me t hod has bee n rigorously fol
lowed withou t oc c as io nal lapses T his would be necessary .
,

t o show t ha t the met hod was i nnocuou s Furthermore I .

‘
,

can give hu nd reds of bo na fi d e ca s es where i nt ercourse wi t h

orgasm has bee n follow ed 2 0 3 0 even 5 0 ye ars wi thou t , ,

dimi nut ion (o ther tha n physiological ) of po te ncy ; and I

also c an ci t e very ma ny cases w here repres sion or imperfect
forms of expressio n have been inj urio ns .

M 3; who le argu mentis fo r psyc h ic co ntro l o f sea : with in

lim its , o r as m uc h as is go o d in each ind ivid u al case, and

co m p l e t e h
p y s io l o g ic al ew re s si o n w h en ne c ess a y
p r .

I was surprised t o have you say t ha t com ple te physio lo gi

cal expression migh t be pro per o ne or more t imes in a day
in some cases , and once in three or four day s in mar y, and
t ha t th e m c or s c or
. . .
“
.
”
K are z za h ad its fu nc t i on as
p u r ifi er , b e aut ifi e r , co n se r va t or , of th e sex rela t io n b et wee n
these pe riods .I should agree t o that absolu t ely .

For mo re tha n a quart er of a century I have preached

prolo ngat io n of th e sex act : l st , to accompli sh the com
p let e pleasure a n d phy siologica l relief of t he woma n ; 2 nd , t o

i nsure the pleasure and phys iolo gical relief of the man ( fo r
his c an never be complet e u nless h is part ner s is ) ; 3 rd , t o ’

a ff o rd an oppo rtu nit y for the love play o n the physi c al

side , which leads up t o and be come s t ra nsmu t ed i nt o the

4 Do we fi n d th e beaco n l igh ts o f h isto ry as a ru l e avowed asceties ?

or a re su ch l igh ts no rm al m en, l ea ding a no r al l ife ? and are any m
inst ance s o f avo w ed ascetics k no w n to b e really and t ru ly such any
m o re th an th at t h e O C expe ri ent wa
. . s no t a m
ll th at it clai ed to b e ? m
 The Oneid a Co mmunity and Its D o c trine 1 83

highes t p sychic i ntercha nge betw een two lovi ng married

souls tha t manki nd k no ws a ny thi ng about .

Were my voc abulary and i magi natio n adequa te I would ,

no less poet ically apot heosi z e s c t ha n t he man you quo ted

. .

has done (but a lw ay s wit hi n reasonable l imits ) I wish .

t here was opport u ni ty t o t alk t hese ma t ters over for I e m ,

very anxious to get at whatever there is of real value in this

me thod .

T here is no be t t er pl ace for di scussion of this tha n in th e

book I amgoi ng to writ e o n the art of love I realiz e t ha t
, .

in my s t udies however lo ng and i nt eres t i ng they may have

,

been much tha t is impo rtant has escape me ; much mus t

,

escape everyo ne ; and we need observatio ns by di ff e rent

mi nds and from diff ere nt angles .

A woma n s i nt ui t io ns are ad m
’
’
it t edly keener t han a man s ;
and your methods are s cientifi c surely fo r you i ns t antly , ,

diagnosed t he case of Y I am also delighted t o have you

.

say th at improvement s in sex relat ions mus t come by reform

ing monogamou s u nio ns from the i nside ra ther than by abol
ish ing co nvent io ns and adop t i ng t he alluri ng bu t u nthi nk
able expe riment of free love I admire your personali ty .

more and respect your judgment wi th less q ualific atio n

because you were i noculated so t o speak physically by
, ,

free love views from their i nit ial source in thi s cou ntry and
“
did no t t ake ”
.

Wome n do you kno w ? while more moral and co nve nt io nal

,

tha n m en are far more pro ne aft er seei ng and sympa t hi z i ng

, ,

wi t h t he evils tha t have resulted from exis ti ng sy st em s t o ,

accept te ntat ively at leas t the wild c at schemes of regen

, ,
-

c ra t io n which are also brough t forward by wome n su ff erers

u nder an old regime in th e hope that under the new order

,

woma n s wro ngs wi ll be right ed

’
.

I thank you for your ve ry fl a tteri ng tribu t e t o my fo rm

of expression and for your co nfidence that I shall be sati s
fied wi t h no th ing less than a broad view poi nt .

I thank you al s o for your lo ng and lucid lette rs and fo r

all the v alu able info rmat ion yo u have given .

Since rely ,
1 84 The A rt o f Lo ve

A pr 3 , 1 92 0
. .

D ea r Dr R ob i e
.

It would eem tha t the hist ory and experience of

s

re servatu s in its applicat ion to p rivate families si nce 1 879

s hould be reviewed in co nt radis t inc t io n t o it s applicat io n t o

t h e complex family of the 0 C before tha t date in which . .

,

condi t io ns were excep t ional

“
.

Y o uspeak of my havi ng been i noculat ed with free love

views from the i nit ial source in this cou ntry I cannot feel
‘
.

t ha t t he modi fied res t ric ted and c o nt rolled freedom in love

“
, ,
”
of the old 0 C h ad much in common wi th free love as we
. .
,

k now it t oday I aminclosing an ext ract o n t hi s poi nt from

“
.

”
t h e Hand Bo o k of th e O C of 1 875 showi ng that t heir
. .
,

s ympa thies we re more nearly wi t h marri age t han wi th the

licentious free lovers of t hat day or this .

Extrac t fro mH and B o o k o f th e Oneida Co mmunity Und er

S o cial P rinciples 40, 41 , 42 ,

F ans Lo vn

T hi s t errible combi nation of two very good ide a

—free
—
s

dom and lov e was fi rst used by the w rite rs of th e One id a

C omm u ity abou t twenty five years ago (no w seventy ) and
n -

probably ori gi nated with them It was, however, soon t aken .

up by a very di ff erent class of S pecula t o rs , scattered abou t

t he cou nt ry , and has come to be th e name of a form of
m
S ociali s wi th which we have but little affinity S till it is .

s ome t i mes applied t o o ur Communit ies ; and as we are cer

t ainly responsible for st a r ti ng it int o circula t ion it seem s ,

to be o u r dut y to t ell what me ani ng we at tach t o it and in ,

what sense we are willi ng t o accept it as a de signa t ion of o ur

s ocial sys t em
“T he obviou s and essent ial di ff erence bet ween marria e
.

g
and licent iou s co nnec t ions may be s t at ed thu s : M arriage is
a permanent union L icentiou sne ss deals in tempo r a ry
.

fli rt at ion
“In ma rr iage co mmu nis m of prope rty go e s wit h c o m
.

mani sm of pe rs o ns In licenti o usness lo ve is p aid fo r as

.
,

h ired l ab o r .
1 86 T he l4r t o f Lo ve

h er , lib ert y to expo se her to child be ari ng wit hout care o r -

co nsultat ion
“The t erm Free Lo ve as u nders t ood by the Oneida Com
.

munity doe s no t mea n any such freedom of sexual p rocee d

,

i ngs as t hi s T he ho usehold arrangements of o ur families

.

p rovide separate sleeping a p artme nt s for the sexes and as , ,

far as possible and a greeable for i ndividuals T he theo ry , .

of sexual i nt erchange which gove rns all the general measure s

of t he Commu nity is j ust t hat whi ch in ordinary society go v
,

e rns t he proceedings in co urtship It is th e theory of t he .

equal right s of women and men and th e freedom of both ,

from habi tual and legal o bliga tions t o perso nal fellowship .

It is the theory that love aft er marriage and always and fo r

—
ever should be wh at it is befo re marriage a glowi ng att rac
,

t io n o n bo t h sid es and no t th e odious obligat io n of o ne

,

party and th e sensual reckles sness of the o ther

“Besides all thi s O neida Communis t s have a special th eor
, .

, y
in regard t o th e ac t of sexual i ntercou rse i t self which place s ,

it u nder u nu sual res trict ions T hey hold that t wo di st i nc t

.

ki nds of sexual i nt ercourse ough t t o h e recogni zed ; o ne sim

ply social and the other propagat ive ; and tha t t he p rO p a
,

a t iv e should o nly be exercised whe n impregna t ion is i nt ended

g
and mut ually agreed upo n Sexual int ercourse with o ut t he
.

r o a ative ac t
p p g ( excep t w he n propaga t io n is i nt e nded ) is

all that we t olerat e in Free Love ; and th is w ill sooner or lat er

b e k nown t o be a very di ff erent a ff air from th at k i nd of sex
ual commerce agai nst whi c h all crimi nal s t atu te s are
direc t ed So far as t his matter is co ncerned Free Love in
.
, ,

t h e O neida sense of th e t erm is much le ss free in t h e gr o ss

, ,

s e nsual way tha n m arriage

“T h e thi ng which we have done for wh i ch we are called
.

,
‘
F ree L overs is si mply t his : We have l e ft th e sim ple form
’

o f ma rr iage and adva nced t o th e c omplex s tage of it We .

h ave no quarrel wi th those who deal in exclu sive d ual mar

r ia e and fai t hfu
g lly observe it b ut we have co n c l uded ,
t h a t
for us t here is a be tter way T h e ho nor and faithful ne ss th a t
.

co nst itut e an ideal marriage may exis t bet ween two hundred
as well as two ; while th e gua rantee s for wo me n and childre n
are much great er in th e Commu ni t y th an th ey c an be in any
 The O ne id a Co mmunity and Its Do c trine 1 87

privat e family T he resul t s of the complex syst em we may

.

sum up by sayi ng that men are rendered more court eous , ,

women more wi nni ng childre n are better born and both , ,

sexes are persona lly free .

You mu st have observed ho w w he n o ne genera t io n has ,

been liberal wit h regard t o any t e ne t tha t the next after , ,

t urni ng away will go t o t he O pposi t e ext re m

, e Some such .

reversion t o P uri t a nica l s t a ndards t ook pl ac e wi t h regard

t o th e social sys tem of t he O C aft er t he reorga ni z a tion ; . .

and the s tandards became even more co nve nt io nal t ha n in th e

w orld at large T h e marri ages which t ook pl ace at this t ime
.

between old members were unusually happy and only o ne

divorce occurred amo ng them .

T here is o ne poi nt in your a ns w er th at I c a nno t let pas s

“
wi thou t comment Y o u say A re any i ns t a nces of avo wed
.
,

ascet ics k nown t o be re ally and t ruly su ch any more th a n ,

tha t t he O C experi m ent was no t all t hat it clai med to b e ? ”

. .

I ga t her from this t hat you have somehow received the

impression that t he O C advoca te dand clai me d t o prac tice . .

m c e xclu sively and tha t my former s t ate ment tha t t here

. .
,

were occasional mishaps lea ds yo u to conclude that they fell

“
short of th is ideal and so th e experime nt was no t all t ha t
,
”
it claimed t o be .

If a musicia n should origi nat e a new sys te mof p iano play

ing would you co ns i d er t he s yst e m a failure or that it was
, ,

no t all t hat it clai med t o be if h e o r his pu p il s should occa ,

s io na lly s t rik e a fal s e no te ? If he s h ould w ri t e up his sys

t em he would do u
,
b tle s s s tre s s the p o int s ne cessary for suc
cess in techniqu e etc say ing very li ttle ab o ut th e possible
, .
,

fal se no te s as everyo ne w o ul d k no w t hat these would be

,

necessary and ex p ec ted p art of t h e p roces s of l earning .

S o wi th m c th e poi nts nec es s a ry for suc c es s are s tres sed

. .
, ,

and the pamphle t say s very li t tl e abou t p o s s ible failu re Bu t .

a nyone w ishi ng f urth er expla nat io n could have had info ma

t io n for t he a ski ng : and the O C is s u ed a free p a per up t o . .

Dec 1 897 in whi c h t h es e m

,
att ers w ere d i s c ussed
“
. .

The pamphlet says p 2 2 W e w ill b riefly re po rt progress

, .
,

up to t h i s t ime ”
T he rep o rt did no t pre te nd t o cover all
.
1 88 The ld rt o f Lo ve

po ints I also realiz e th at my att itude o n th e matter of an

.

occas ional failure is d oubt les s more liberal than th at of t he

O C
m
. .

We must membe r the reli gious a atus t he da ily ev ening

re ,

meet ing and that sho rt int ervie ws were fav ored in which the
, ,

men we re cau t ioned to keep well away from the dange r

po int O ne of the old members told me when I quest ioned
.
,

him re garding s ome of th e po i nts which you b ro u gh t up ,

t hat it w as no t at all unusu al for him to go for tw o yea rs

with out any ac cident He never remembered any lo cal co n
.

t io n foll owi ng an int erview n ces si tat i ng th e u of cold

g es e , se

w ater and was emphatic in de ny ing tha t any men of whom

,

he knew h ad ev er res o rt ed to au t o e rot ism for relief

- .

We must admi t that t he applicat ion of these p ri nciples t o

the 0 C family and t o ordina ry marri ed life wou
. . l d needs be
so m ewh at d ifl erent in p ract ice
'

Si nce rely and gra tefully ,

M D . .

’
A pr 1 5, 2 0. .

Dear Dr
,Iamno t goi ng t o t r
y at p res e nt t o ans wer your let ter o f
M ar . 1 8, no r la t er let t er, bu t j us t a po int I wa nt or two
“
.

to get a t wh at ev er t he r e is o f v alue in m
s c c D iana ”
. .
, . .
, ,

K a rezz a and s im ilar methods of reservatus

, T hey all .

apparently boil down t o th e s ame thi ng applied by difl erent

'

peo ple in d ifl erent ways and in diff erent degrees i e they

'

— , . .
,

are all love play sex cu j y

o m e nt s exual
, intercou rs e be t w ee
,
n ,

lovers or ma rr ied pe ople which s t ops short (s omewhe re ) of

t he o rgas m in m an and so me t imes also in woman .

N o w you are the o nly o ne I have eve r dealt wi th who h as

an int imate knowledge of thes e ma tt ers who is wi lli ng to deal
with t hemo r capable of dealing with th em in a wholly sci
The laymen who have advocated th ese thi ngs
,

ent ifi c manne r .

do no t know all the facts of sex psycholo gy or physiology ;

and besides t hey have usually been pe ople of o ne ide a Th e .

med ical men and women have never made any ve ry e xh aust ive
stu dies no r kept any exact reco rds ; and all av o w th at pre
1 90 The A rt o f Lo ve

and woman s associa t i ng sexually was mutually love or des ir e

’

and the ma n s refrai ni ng fro m o rgasm A ll allow l at it u de

’
.

for w o man in this part icu lar .

( )d A ll t h e di ff ere nt advoca t e s of all t he di ff ere nt me t h o ds

claim t ha t orgasm is inj urio us to th e man A ll b ut you claim .

t hat abse nce of orgasm indefinitely is no t inj u rio u s to t h e

man and the more he preve nts it t he longer he remai ns viril e

,
.

A ll or nearly all claim t h at orgasm is s omet imes or al w ay s

benefi c ial to t h e woma n A ll seem t o t hi nk t hat love pla y
.
-
,

or i nte rcou rse wi thou t the orgasm endears t he lovers t o

,

each o ther much more t han complete i nte rcourse t hat wom an ,

is a deligh ted equal in o ne case a sex slave in the o t her ; and

—wonder of wonders —all b ut you I th i nk claim that hours
,

, ,
“
every day in nude co nt act or deligh ts of the eyes or o f ”
, ,

s exual care ssi ng or of the o rgans j oi ned in t he sexua l

,

embrace whe n co nvent ionali zed by marriage (and some do

no t even require this ) are perfec tly pure and above reproach ,

bu t t hat any caress or i ntercourse no ma t t er how short its ,

durat ion or ho w great its i nfrequency that ends in orgas m ,

for the male (u nless procreat ion is t he i mmedia te obj ect ) is

odiously vile ; yet all the while the woman is no t vile if she
has an orgasm at any t ime .

We bo t h k now perfec tly well that a lo t of these clai ms are

no thi ng bu t fra nt ic e ff ort s t o escape from pai nful psychic
s t a t es re sul t i ng from the w ro ng mental co ncepts which accu
mulated from our false teachi ngs in regard to sex ; b ut,
for the sake of unifo rmi ty I will t ake up the se several points
,

briefly .

1 . Need s no applica t io n A mI correct ? .

2 . Wi t h pro per laws regardi ng the circula t ion of cont ra

c ept ive k nowledge or even w i t h p rese nt acces s ible k nowledge
,

( si nce n o o ne who does no t have prese nt k nowledge of o t her

meth o ds would pract ice m c meth ods i f he did know them )

. .

there is no longer th e slightest excu se fo r givi ng thi s as a

reaso n for m c . .

3 .
C)
a T he prac t ice s of th e K a flir s and o t he r p r imi t iv e

race s gove rned largely by t abu and supers t i tion unve

, ,

nereal ized and wi t hou t the sex st imulant s of modern civili z a

,

t i o n, bei ng adopt ed by you r y o uth o n no othe r gro und s than

 The Oneid a Co mmwnity and Its D oc trine 1 91

analogy would be so visio nary as t o hardly need di scussion .

Whet her ma st urbat ion and some p romiscuity are worse than
general promiscui ty w ould have t o be a ns w ered in the nega
t ive w i thout argument si nce w e do have ve nereal dis e a se ; b u
,
t ,

ethi cally how c ould universal sex commu nio n be more pure
,

or safe t ha n universal c o nd o mat ic i nt ercourse ; and h o w

could either become la w or cus tom without our all revert i ng
to t hat st a te dest i tu t e in ideals and c ivili z at ion of the primi
, ,

t ive or submerged people s ment io ned ?

It is a fact t ha t old c ano nical law made it a sin fo r a
woma n t o be reproved for should she get rid of a foe tus
,

befo re t he eightieth day aft er impregnatio n ; but the s ame

sin was pu nishable by dea t h after t he eigh t iet h day .

S c advo cates say tha t t he ac t w i thou t t h e orgasm is

. .

pure b ut wi th it it is vile A re no t th e two illustra tions

, .

equally sensible ?
b
( ) W h y does no t t h e foregoi ng illus t r a t io n apply equally
“
well t o the Dia na me thod ? How can fi nite man d ifl eren
” '

t iat e between th e puri ty of

“ Diana ”
s c
“ K a re zz a
”
and
, . .
, ,

complet e normal i ntercou rse ?

A s a ma tt er of fact any of t he se methods t hat give sa t is
,

fact ion or pleasu re i ndubi tably when the organs are

, ,

t oge ther necessi t at es erec t io n and plea su rable feeli ng o n the

,

pa rt of man at leas t What is thi s but pa ssion or bei ng as

.
,

lo w as the bru t es as they c all it ?

, Is n t all thei r search ’

really fo r th e o bj e ct ifi c ati o n of love ? Is n t it all a ques tion ’

—
of subj ect ivi ty or obj ec tivi ty aut o e rot ic vs hete ro ero t ic ? -
.
-

If t hat is wha t they are getti ng at I fully agree Lo v e , .

is subj ect ive in the you ng of bo th sexes What pleasure o r

— —
.

relief the re is is au t o e o ic
r t se lfi s h to be sure b u
-
, t whe n
any exp ressio n is necessary the only possible o ne co nsi st e nt
wi th he alth and high ideals is aut o erot ic ; but when mati ng -

comes love should be he tero ero tic unselfi sh obj ect ive Lov e
,
-
, , .

of th e mat e should no t be for one s selfi sh purposes but to ’

,

convey the grea t es t pos sible j oy in all thi ngs t o the mat e .

What ethic al d ifl ere nce does it make what s t age is sto pped
'

at p rovided that each h as t he ot he r s j oy and i nte rest at ’ ’

he art and is will ing t o s acrifi ce self as need for t hat end ?
( )
c B ut man is no t
p e rfec t Y ou at le a.s t re c o gn ize th at
 '

1 94 The A rt o f Lo ve

It is a lo ng ep from his philosophy t o your o wn but

st ,

t here m ay be ma ny whose natu res are suffi ciently like his to

be able t o follo w at leas t a part of the way and others in ,

di ff ere nt gradat io ns all t h e way t o your ex t reme end of the

ladder in which the orgasm seems t o me t o t ake an over
,

promi nent place .

Where artifi c al methods of cont racept ion are u sed the ,

morality of o rgasm seems t o be o n an equal basi s for both

s exe s or would be if t hese means were i nfallible
, T h e ques .

t ion of excess would have t o be conside red for each i ndi ,

v idually and precau t ions t aken t o avoid t his f o r either mem

,

ber of t he combinat ion .

T he tende ncy of di scove rers and p romulgat ors o f new

t heorie s of sex and life t o t ry to convi nce all of t he correct
ness of t hei r ideas regardless of whe ther or no t th e t heory
,

would be adapt ed to every c ase may be th e mos t e ff ect ive ,

me t hod of gett i ng a hea ri ng ; but expe rience t eache s that the

s ex needs of i ndividuals d ifl er widely as well as of the same
'

i ndividual at difl erent t imes o r u nder di ff erent circum st ances

'
.

S o we w ill no t li mi t ourselve s t o any o ne set of fact s or any

o ne t heory b u t will t ake from all source s t ha t which appeal s
,

to u s as t rut h carefully separat i ng it from th e false and

, ,

make our cont ribut ion wi t h earnes tnes s and sincerity .

T h e most no t able example of this that has come to my

not ice is t he t heo ry of N W Ch idley given in his pamphl et
“T he Answ er ” and ci ted o n
. .
, ,

] V
’
, p 1 6 4 of V O of Ellis s . .

S t udies While our fi rst impulse might be t o ridicule the

.

idea o n fu rther sugges tion it m ight be found u seful in cer

,

t ai n selec ted cases or as a t emporary measure in cert ai n

,

t ypes of psychic impo te nce .

A s t o th e more spec ifi c pa rts of your le tte r

( )
1 We will accep t your d efi n it io n of t he se s o mewha t
novel methods of sex expres sion :
D iana K are zz a m c s c and M agnet at io n are all
, , . .
, . .

me t hods of reservatus applied by di fferent people in d ill erent ’

ways and in d ifl erent degrees T hey are all love play sex
'

.
,

e nj oyment sexual i ntercourse b e tween lovers or married peo

,

ple wh ich st ops short of th e orgasm in man and somet imes ,

also in woman thus enab li ng th em t o e nj oy the fulle st

,
 The Oneida C o mmunity and Ita D o c trine 1 95

expression of the a ffec tio nal na ture by sublima tion of the

reproduct ive i ns ti nc t .

( )
a P uri t y shall
, we s ay is a qu a
, l i t y of mi n d or s piri t ,

and is no t depe nde nt upo n w hether or no t o ne h as exp eri

enc ed Diana ,K are zz a m c , s
. c or full physiological
.
, . .
,

expression?
b
( ) A ll of th ese mode s of expres s io n doub t less give s a t is
fact ion t o the afi ec t io nal or amat ive nature mu ch as orgas
‘

mal expression does to t h e reprodu ct i v e nature and it may ,

be j us t as necessary to sa ti sfy o ne as the o ther .

N o w : Wi th t he proper u nders tandi ng and applicat ion

of contraceptive me thods o ne mus t accede o rgasmal expres
, ,

s io n may become t h e most i nt ense for m of afi ect io nal expre s

’

“
sion and may also co nvey the grea t est p o ssible j oy to the
,

t the org as m of bot h pa rtners

”
ma t e .T his also se rves t o p u
o n an equal b asis to be co nsid ered o n it s m eri t s i e on , . .
,

wh ether or no t th e su rplu s q uant it y of sex forc e or re serve

wa rrants goi ng to thi s ex t reme and no t o n th e u neq , ual basis
of a small loss of vi tal fluid for o ne and a po ssible undesi red
concept io n for th e o ther .

( )
e You are c orrec t in s t a t i n g t ha t nei t her commu n i s m
of goods no r of wives o btai ns in t he pre sent 0 C L and . . .
,

has no t for more th an a generat ion : so t ha t it is hard for

us t o re ali z e th e tremendou s earne s tne ss wi th whi ch the early
membe rs accepted the religious beliefs whi c h were the fou n
da t io n of th ei r s o c ial p ract i c e s T he belief that the second
.

comi ng of Chris t to o k pl ac e in th e year 70 A D gave them

“
. .

”
t he assura nc e th at t hey w ere livi ng in th e resu rrec t io n ,

and paved t he w ay t o th e a cc e ptanc e of th e doct r ine of

“Salvat ion fro m sin ” T hey did no t c laim pe r fect io n in
.

externals b ut o nly in i nte nt and that th ey w ere able t o have

, ,

and ret ai n a clear c o ns c ie nce t ow ard Go d .

A pril 2 1 , 1 92 0 .

Dear Doct or R o b l c
“You h ave sift ed t hi ngs and a ve ry so rt ed o ut fac t s in
mast erful w ay in your l ast let ter and nearly every para ,

graph i nvit es c o mment and if I d o no t s ee yo uin Ne w York

, ,

I w ill t ry t o exp res s s om e o f t hese o n paper o n my return I .

1 96 Th e A r t o f Love

th ink you key to t he situation in your l etter of

t o uched th e
M arch 2 8th when you s aid : ,
‘
M y whole argument is for p sychic c ont rol of sex with in
li m its or as muc h as is go o d in each individu al case and
, ,

c omplet e physiologic al exp ressio n w hen necessary T his .

’

broad stat ement could cove r a wide va riety of experie nce ,

and if everyo ne knew j us t th e pro pe r answers to th e que st io ns

why when and how t here would be no problem of sex It
, , .

is plai n t hat no o ne rule w ill apply to all Wo uld it no t .

help in the solut ion t o make so me bro ad general classific a

tions of expe rience that wo u ld cover fairly large gr oups ?
Th e barrier may be mental as in Diana and K arezza o r ,
‘ ’

physical in which case it is eit her mechanic al or chemical

, , ,

s om et imes bo th It would seem that because man h as

.

o rga sm al intercours e in commo n wi t h th e brute and t h at m an

alo ne is cap able of att ai ni ng the cont ro l o f K arezz a in s o ,

att aini ng it he becomes consciou s of thi s supremac y and

,

of t aking his righ t ful place above and beyo nd the bru t e .

T hi s puts the mental cont rol o n a spiri tual plane and t hu s ,

gives a spiritual uplift and s at i s fact ion which is no t commo n

to any o f t he other me thods T hi s is my view so I ca nno t
.
,

agree t hat o t her met h od s are infinitely better

‘
Bu t I do .
’

agree that ot her methods may be necessary occasionally A .

combi nat ion meth od would pro bably be found of wides t

applica t ion Th i s leads to the conclusion th at a combi na t io n
.

adap ted to each individu al cas e is vastly bett er t h an eit he r

”
sys t em prac t iced a lone .

T he plan of a He avenly A ssociat io n had been work ed

ou t by M r Noyes years befo re any t hi ng was do ne in a prae
.

t ic al way In fact as early as 1 83 7 he st at ed in a lett er

,
“I am holden up by t he st re ngt h th at is needed to s u
.
, ,

s t ai n

no t my weigh t o nly b u t the weight of all who shall co m e

,
”
after me I.n 1 83 8 he p ropo sed m arriage o n very b ro ad
line s t o a young woma n who became h is wife and who w as ,

in full sympathy wi th his idea s T he step s by which th e .

Pu tney and O neida Commu ni t ies were formed are i nte re st i ng

and instr u c t ive Their difl erent public at io ns give qui te a
'

hi sto ry o f these activi ties .

1 98 The A rt o f Lo ve

body as of the palpebral muscles or a fit of weepi ng which

, , ,

se rves t o relieve local co nges t io n Wome n wi t h s tro ng i nb i

.

bit ions who have neve r mas turbated do no t reali ze t ha t the

, ,

clit oris is the key t o the s ituat ion .

Si nce rely ,

It h as been a mat ter of cu riosi ty as to wha t becomes of

the undi scharged semen afte r i ntercourse wi t hou t emissio n .

It will be not iced t hat t he physician who se letters I have ,

quoted as ks this very quest ion

, .

I have read much of t he lite ratu re o n this ques tion but ,

u ndoubtedly no t all I have no t run acro ss any sat isfac tory

.

explanat io n t hough it seems i ncredible that the re sh o uld

,

no t be o ne somewhere in t he li terat ure .

It is w ell kno wn t ha t duri ng periods of sexual exci tement

t he secretion of s emen or at lea st of some of t he c o nst it u
, ,

ents of it is i ncreased If semen enough is secreted for an

, .

emis sion in sleep o nce or twice a week or for emi ssio ns sev
eral t imes weekly in normal i nt ercourse u nder ordi nary ,

condi tions of stimulat ion what becomes of t hat and th e

,

add ed amou nt secre t ed under the ext ra st imula t io n of very

frequent sex relat ions w i thout emis sion? T here is cert ai nly
exci tement or i nte rcourse could no t t ake place
, T he .

devot ees of the practi c e maintain tha t the exci t ement is

prolo nged and that t he e rethism is greater t han in no rmal
intercou rse Ev en duri ng cou rtship night emi ssions are tre
.

quent and diurnal orgasms ei ther voluntary or i nvolu nt ary

, , ,

are c o mmo n in bot h sexe s Somethi ng mu st become of t his

.

semen o r it must cease to be produced B ut all claim that it .

is produced in it s usual abu ndance I am no t in agreeme nt .

wit h the la st but will pas s th a t poi nt for the t ime and agree
,

tha t it is st ill produced in ordi na ry cases in fair quanti t y .

T he conse rvat io nis ts of whom Dr W S Hall is a promi

, . . .

ne nt type have a theory t ha t much of th e seme n p ro duced

,

by the cont i nent is reabso rbed and that this redou nds to the
,

credit of th e i ndividual Doubt less it is true tha t som e

.

s emen is reab sorbed in cas es especially whe re exposu re t o

,

sex exci t ement is lim i ted and th ere is a s t rong will dete rmined
o n repre ssion ; bu t it is im p r o bable th a t t hi s is ra idly re ab
p
 m
T he Oneid a Co m wnity and Ite D o c trine 1 99

so rbed , in
cases of virile males u nder freque nt sex e xci tement .

It is well known tha t duri ng sex exci teme nt the re is se cre ,

t io n of nearly tra nspa rent flu id k nown as u re t h ro r rh ma ex

libidi ne w hich appea rs at the openi ng of the meatus u ri n
,

arius It is clai med by m c advoc a te s tha t duri ng succ es s

. . .
,

fully co ntrolled i nterc ourse this mu c us is at all t imes clear

, ,

and t ha t it is o nly whe n there has bee n a pa rt ial fa ilure of

c o ntro l t h at any cloudiness c an be det e c ted .

In some cases there is the followi ng experience A fte r a .

long time of sex excitement when the orga sm has been nearly
,

rea c hed seve ral t imes t here come s a time w hen pain in tes tes
,

s ubs ide s s om ewhat and ere c t ion subsides and t he de s ire d is

, ,

appears o r is much lessened In ot her wo rds it seems as .

,

t hough th e relief th at would be expec ted from a pa rt i al

orgasm had come but there is no appearance at t he urethra l
,

opening of anyt hi ng mo re tha n the mucus ment ioned above .

However ii after lo ng cont i nued sex exci te ment and fre

, ,
-

quent close proximit y to the orgasm o ne squee zes the pe ni s ,

from the bulb upward the re will be a drop o r t wo of thick

, ,

whi te vi scous fluid which resembles semen ; o r if o ne passe s

,

a few drops of urine in a glass the u ri ne will be tu rbid , .

A ll ques t io n as t o th e name and compo si t ion of thi s flu id

c an be easily di spo sed of by pl a cing some of it u nder the
o rdinary o ne sixth obj ect ive of th e microscope Sperma
-
.

t o zo a in abunda nce will be fou nd (p rovided t hey c an be

found afte r any ordi na ry co mplet e ej aculat io n) T his ex .

p e r ime nt w as t wice repea t ed wi t h like re s ul ts .

I n t hi s condi t io n t here is a lit t le le ak age of semen (pro

vided above expe rie nce is ge neral ) f ro m t he vesicula e sem

inalis i nt o the urethra no t e nough o rdi narily to flo w from

,

t he meat u s u nle ss the orgasm is pressed S t ill perhaps a c o n

.
,

side rable quant i ty is lo st which may go back i nt o the bladder

,

in some ca ses Th e ureth ra will easily hold half a drach m

.
,

perhaps more and th e o rdi nary full di scharge of seme n is

,

seldom over t wo d rachms O rdi na rily in h ealthy men the

.
, ,

ve s icles re tai n t he semen unt il orgas m occurs ; b u t evidently

lo ng p rovoca t io n may cau se them to reli nqui sh eno ugh of
t heir st o re to relieve p re ssu re and exci tement to so m e ex tent

in c ases su ch as I h ave j u st desc ribed .

2 00 T h e A rt o f Lo ve

It would be weepi ng t o say that this is a universal

to o s .

p he nome no n ; b ut s i n ce t h e experime nt was co nduc te d in

good faith by a man wi thout abnormali ty it is fair t o co n
,

c lu d e tha t t h e co ndi tio n is commo n or u sual Some observa .

t ion of t his ki nd w ould be w o rt h while t o de te rmi ne co ndi ,

t i ons in i ndividual cases In maki ng t his k ind of an expe ri

.

ment a man should be very sure tha t at no t ime his approach

t o the orga sm is near e nough for th e slight es t i ni t ial c o n
t rac t io n o f t he o rgasm fo r t his w ould vit ia te t h e whole
,

experiment A ft er the slightes t co nt raction whet her the

.
,

exci teme nt has been of long or sho rt durat io n t here w ill ,

s urely be call ed bo na fide .

O ne might fear t hat in th e eve nt of t his claim of mi ne

b ei ng proven there would al w ays be da nger while pract isi ng
, ,

m c that a li tt le semen would escape i nto th e vagi na I

. .
, .

do no t thi nk tha t t hi s need be feared T he ordinary lub ri .

cat i ng fluid is in and back of the mout h of th e urethra T he .

s eme n e scape s in very small qua nt i t ies and perhaps no t mo re ,

th a n once or t w ice at the se t imes when there is partial failure

of co nt rol but withou t the cont ract io ns of a begi nni ng
,

orga sm When no co nt rac t ion of t he muscula r pro st ate

.

occurs no r of th e compressor uri ne or bulbo cavernosu s

,
-

mu scles the pre ssure of the vagi na o n th e penis t ends t o

,

c ro wd any liquid escapi ng from th e semi nal ducts i nt o the

u re thra back towa rd th e bladder rather th an forward t oward
t h e meat u s I t will be remembered t hat t his is rea sonable
,

a natomically si nce the caput gallinagi nis probably does no t

,

b ecome dis t ended t o prevent seme n fro m goi ng backward

int o the bladder u nt il the mu scul ar co nt rac t ions of t he
orgasm occur Furthermore th e pros t at ic ure thra int o
.
, ,

which the semen flows is much larger in di ameter t ha n the

,

membranous ureth ra which lies in front of it Conseq uently .

,

in t h e abse nce of m u s cular ac t io n t h e co nte nt s of t h e pros ,

t a t ic u ret hra t end t o take t he path of least re si st a nc e

t h rough th e larger ope ni ng i nt o th e bladde r rat he r tha n
t hrough th e smaller o ne t oward t he meat us A s a mat t er of .

expe rience impregnati o n is a rare accident among those who

,

p rac tice m c ; a nd . whe n

. it do es occu r it p robably r es ul t s ,
202 T he Xrt o f Lo ve

namely , that t hi smethod is especiall y applic able in mar

r iages where th e man is sexually weak or part ially impot e nt .

L et me add that it is j u st as applicable where th e m an is

above t he average in sexual s trength but where the wife is ,

s t ill fa rt her above t h e average t han he is a co ndi t io n which ,

is very commo n no twi t hs tanding t he as sertions of some who

, ,

without any knowledge of real condi tions as se rt th at wom an ,

is generally a sex slave .

It is als o useful where th e man is sexually st ro ng and his

wi fe sexually weak si nce such a man and wife c an have the
,

physical comfort and psychic compa nionship of th e love act

wi t hou t his feeli ng t ha t he is cont i nually get t i ng selfi sh
sat isfac tion at her expense In t urn she c an see by his c o n
.
,

t rolled i nt ercourse that he desires t o s ac rifi c e somethi ng fo r

h er. A s a matt er of experience th e very prese nce of th e
,

man the gentle court i ng proces s before and during t he co n

, ,

t rolled ac t so st im ulat e her sexual nature and so i ncre ase

h er respect and app roba t io n that before long sh e becomes
,

able t o pa rt icipate wit h him m o re f req uently in mu tual

orgasm .

A ls o there can be no shadow of doubt t ha t t here are

,

many occ asions wh en nei the r husband no r wife need s no r

desi res an orga sm but each feels a yearni ng for t he other
, .

Yieldi ng t o t he impulse to embra ce ki ss and ca ress i nduces,

e nough exciteme nt in both t o mak e j oi ni ng the sexual organs

possible and pleasa nt P roceeding thu s far with the sexu al
.

ac t from t ime to t ime does much t o cement t heir u nio n and

make them perm anent love rs .

M u tual orgasm is no t al w ays fe asible desirable o r us e es , ,

s a ry . If to o often repea ted the cha rm is gone and the value

lessened Y et there are cert ai nly ma ny t imes when th is i nt i
.

ma te love act though no t carried t o complet io n may pro

, ,

duce a physical rej uvenescence and a ment al exalt at ion very

s imila r and nea rly equal to tha t re sul t i ng from t he mut ually

completed rela tion .

The relat ive frequency of i ntercourse wi th o u t o rgas m o r ,

fo r tha t matt er when o ne h as or both have orgasm is som e

, ,

t hing t o be det e rmi ned by i ndividual s fo r th emselves I .

c a nnot improve o n the hi nt s as to t h e frequency o f m c . .

 T he Oneid a Co mmunity and Ita Do ctrine 203

given in th e co rrespo ndence which is quo ted in this chapt er

and in the case at the end of it In some couples m c may . . .

neve r be de sirable o r necessary In others it will be i ndi s .

p e nsable to a happy comple t e love life , .

I have j ust been give n an accou nt of the experiences of a

man and his wife who have had a large experience wi th the
practice of m c In short they believed whe n they were
. .
,

fi rst married that no o tlu zr fo rm of s ex a ssocia t ion was

proper unless whe n procrea tio n w as desired T he facts in .

t his case are i ndi rect corroborat ion of wh at I wro te in 1 907

and publi shed in 1 9 1 6 viz tha t t his me th o d is valu
, able when
.
,

a m an of lowered po te ncy is married t o a s tro ngly sexed

woman In th e case no w quoted t he man is no t of lowered
.
,

po t ency Rat her he is co nsiderably above t he average in

.
,

s exual s t rength Y et h is wife is so m u

. ch more s t ro ngly

s exed tha n he tha t the re is t he same rela t ive di ff ere nce as

t hat ment io ned in my earlier w ork .

It is necessary to give a b rief abs t rac t of thei r his tories .

B o th of them had high ideals as yo u ng people were early ,

i nst ruc ted in sex m atters and havi ng bee n t old by a rela t ive
, ,

of the doct ri ne of m c bo th were favorably i mpressed by

. .
,

it
. T he hu sba nd though never havi ng had complete i nter
,

course befo re they were married had had o n a few occasio ns , , ,

int ercourse wi thou t emission w i th an elderly woman T his .

i ntercourse w as pro ff ered o n her part t o the young man as

a prophylact i c agai ns t mas turb at io n or promiscuou s rela
t io ns and was accept ed o n h is pa rt as a means of relief
, ,

t hough t o be subvers i ve of t he r ight s and i nt eres t s of no o ne

and no t incompa t ible wi th his or h e r s —
elf respec t His .

experie nce wi th au to erot ism w as v ery limi ted and he was

-
,

ent irely co nt i ne nt for some years before marriage .

Th e girl was c arefully raise d and clo sely safegu arded .

Nevertheless at the age of t hi rteen sh e met a boy a year o r

,

s o older and th e re was at onc e a s t ro ng m u

,
t ual att ract i o n ,

which so di s pl eas ed t he p arents tha t the you ng pe ople we re

separa ted In spi t e of th is her i nt e nse lo nging for thi s boy
.

co nt i nued for fi ve years She h ad fi rst mens truated at

.
"

ele ve n and o n fi rs t m eet i ng this b o y sh e became consciou s of

,

ex treme sexual te nsio n For a ves t foll owing she was ha rdly
.
,
204 The A rt o f Love

ever free from it She th en began occasionally to hav e

.

voluptuous dream s of him which culmi nated in orgas m , ,

which relieved the t ensio n somewhat Nothing of a physical .

na t ure ever pas sed be t ween them wi th t he excep t ion of o ne

kis s and rep ression was cons tant She never res ort ed to
, .

mas turba tio n never havi ng heard of such a thi ng Fi nally

, .

whe n after several yea rs it became appa re nt that marriage

,

w it h th e fi rst you ng man would never be accep t able to h er

parents she became partially succes sful in her efl o rt s t o
'

forget him and become somewhat a ttached t o a young man

whom she had long known in a friendly way and who la ter
became her hu sba nd .

T hough she was very you ng sh e seve nteen and he eight ,

years her senior they planned a deliberate c o urt sliip in

,

w hich it was hoped tha t they would become att ached t o eac h
o ther she duri ng th e process fo rget t ing her fo rmer at tach
,

ment and he forgetting a similar o ne for an unde sirabl e

,

you ng woman T heir at temp t s were success ful and th ey

.
,

were mar ried wi thi n a year .

T hey had no i nt ercourse th e fi rst night he havi ng resolved ,

no t t o approach her o n th i s occas ion

o
O uthe followi ng day .

he had an emission almos t immediat ely at th e fi rst sexual

contact o n rupturi ng the hymen A side f rom t his he pra e .

t iced m c rigorously duri ng t he first t h ree mont hs of t hei r

. .

marr ied life Duri ng this period they were separated a good
.

pa rt of t h e t ime She sufl ered as formerly from ex t reme sex

'

t e nsio n whe t he r t hey were sepa rat ed o r no t ; and he had

,

s t ro ng sex desi re whenever t hey were t oget her Wheneve r it .

w as po ss ible t hey i ndulged in cont rolled intercourse several

t ime s daily in va riou s po si t io ns and for varied lengt h s o f
,

t ime . T his see med t o s a t i s fy him fairly well and relieved ,

her desi re somewhat .

A ft er t h e t hird m o nt h he beg an t o have o rga sms o cc a

s io nally.

T hey h ad bee n ma rried three and a half ye ars before she

h ad an orgasm of any descript io n She su ff e red great ly .

from sex desire duri ng all this t ime though t heir co ntrol led ,

meet ings reduced thi s som ewh at fo r the t ime bei ng no t ,

eno ugh , h o wever, t o prevent her lyi ng aw ake h o urs aft e r

 The A r t o f Lo ve

F o r the next fou r o r fi ve day s they have the variou s p relim

inaries to intercourse and t he j oi ni ng o f the o rga ns for from
te n mi nu tes t o an hour in various posi t io ns t w o or three t imes
each night and occa sio nally o nce duri ng t he day O u no ne .

of these occasio ns does he have an o rgasm ; but she usually

desires this o nce o r twice duri ng t his four or five day period ,
-

and when she does he sees t hat sh e h as complet e s at i s fact ion .

While t his is th e usual program whe n t hey are to ge t her,

there are many b raek s , due to his abs ences o n long lec tu re
t ours. IIer public du t ies also f reque ntly take her from
-

home Whenever they have been separated for any c o ns id

.
~

e rable le ngth of t ime , alt hough t hey m a k e it rule t o i ndulge

very freely before they separa t e , she begins t o suff er afte r
the fi rst tw o or three days , and thi s t e nsion i ncre ases c o n
stant l
y u n t il h is ret urn In t his
. ca se t here is li ttle d es i re

for the fi rst ten day s ; and th ereafter, t hough it is no t c o n

s t ant there are frequent pe riods of ex t reme tensio n In
, .

sho rt they have bo th been ext remely mi serable du ri ng thei r

,

ma ny necessary separa t ions .

Recent ly however whe n a separat io n of six week s was

, ,

pendi ng after being influenced by advice similar t o my o wn

,

in such cases each p romised th e ot her tha t duri ng their

, ,

separat ion they would obt ai n by au t o erot ism such relief

,
-

as seemed necessa ry wi th t he resul t that b e pr ac t iced au t o

,

e rot ism t h ree t imes duripg th e pe riod and w as very com

fo rt able while she reso rt ed t o it somewha t mo re freque ntl y ;
,

and while no t ent irely free from t ensio n was nea rer t o b ei ng
comfort able t h a n she had b een duri ng any s imilar pe r i o d of

se era
p t io n si nce h er marriage twe nt y six yea rs ago -
.

T hi s value of co nt rolled i nte rcourse is perfec t ly appare nt

in t his case Wi thou t it it would be nece ssary for thi s woma n
.

to su ff e r i nt olerably from self denial w hich in my j udgment

-
, ,

mu st ul t imately result in a comple te nervous breakdown ; o r

if she were kept in fairly pe rfect equilibrium it would be ,

necess a ry fo r her husband t o have i nt ercou rs e w i th orgasm

daily which freq
, uency w ould reduce his eflic ienc y and pro
duce nervous sypt o ms in him .

A s it is bo t h t hese people do an almo st i ncred ible amou nt

,

o f w o rk m
, o st o f it of an exact i ng m ental v ariety ; and in
 The Oneid a Co mmunity and Its Do ct rine 2 07

m
addi t i o n they do far o re t han t hei r sh are to w ard the mo ral
and s oci al uplift of thei r t own .

T his wom an is no except ion to women of her type whom

I ment ioned formerly In addit ion to her public and so ci al
.

dut ies she h as been th e p re sidi ng genius of a pe rfec t home,

in which she h as reared fi ve perfec t specime ns of you ng
A merica n m anhood She is a woman of u nusual st rength, o f
.

rem arkable ve rsa t ility , and great charm .

I have neve r yet seen a woman of go od natu ral endow

ment, of b ro ad cult ure and an u nusually st rong sex nat re u
who when happily married to a t act ful man who underst ood
,

her need s and suppli ed them did no t stand o u , t p romi nent ly

as an ideal home make r and mother bu
- t als o in chu rch s oci al
, ,

unlif and all go o d work s I nvariably such wo men have been

.

unq uest io ne speciali sts in some chosen field, like music ,

c ience sociolo y o r ped agogy

, g , .

I have complete reco rds of a sc o re of such c ases I long .

s ince st a t ed it a s my convict io n t ha t t he m en of stro nge st

s exuali t y wh o we re cultu red and properly s exually adj u sted

were in the fo refro nt of all lines of hum an endeavo r I no w .

say aft er c o nsideri ng much evid ence with eq

, ual c o nfidence ,

t ha t t he woman of t his t ype ( which co rrespo nd s to th e t ype

of male I h ave j u st ment ioned ) will eb t he o nes t o le ad t heir
s i st ers o u t of t he wilderne ss of sex fear prude ry and inade , ,

q y
u a c which t hey a re no w p assi ng t h r ough and will ult i ,

mat ely winno d o ut from t he men what is perhap s no w t he

prevail ing element the selfi sh the po lygamou s the unvirile
, , , ,

and will rai se up a race of m en who will be virile fai t hful , ,

and dependable in t hei r marit al rel a t i o ns as well as in t hei r

bu siness and o the r so cial obligations .

I
n th e course of the inve stigat ions le adi ng t o th e w riti ng
of this chapter , the wri te r had occasion to vis i t K enwo o d ,
N Y a wa rd in t he ci t y of O neida whe re th e i ndu st ries o f
. .
, ,

t he O neida C o mm uni ty Ltd are located and whe re t he

, .
, ,

descendants of t he original Community mo stly reside He .

was so im pressed with the results o f the experiments in indu s

2 08 The A rt o f Love

t rial and ocial p roblems bei ng carried o ut t here as well

s ,

as by th e co nfi rm at io n of cer t ai n of t hi s expres sed c o nvic

t io ns t hat he ca nno t re fra in fro m brief me nt ion of his
,

o bs e rvat ions t hough t hey a

, re no t a ll sui t ed to a bo ok of this

A s h as been learned earlier in the chapter the pec uliar ,

C ommu ni ty marri age sys tem was abandoned in 1 879 in ,

de fe rence to public opinion and because it w as t hought that

,

t he remarkable pe rs onali ty of the fou nder J H Noyes, , .

migh t no t cont inue to hold the Communit y to its original

ideals .

Ju st as the Com mu nity had fearl essly b raved public

opi nion in following the social and religious convictions of
its fou nde rs so in 1 879 all t hese peculiar ideas of Co m
, munity
marriage were abandoned absolu t ely and t he co nvent ional ,

monogamic ma rriage sys tem was whole he artedly and

unanimou sly adopt ed .

The wri t er was i nte rested t o ob ser ve what efl ects if any , ,

were demo nst rab le at t h e present t ime as a re su lt of t he fo r

mr beliefs and pract ices He re were a people who had no t
.

b ee n afraid of sex educ at io n Men and w o m . en understood

all abou t th e sex act Cont rol of concept ion was bel ieved
.

in and at least o ne method of co ntrol was t horoughly unde r

,

s t ood The women we re held in high regard and thei r sexual

.
,

neeeds were recogni z ed and pro vied for .

However co nt rary t o our eblief t he original ideas of the

C ommuni ty may have been thi s ge neral k nowledge ough t t o
,

s ho w re sult s in h appier marri ages and imp ro ved m o rals

under the la t er monogamous sy stem
, .

O f cou rse no exac t obse rva t i o ns could be t aken ; b u t re ,

l yi ng la rgely o n th e t est imony of a very s agaciou s physician

and o thers long conversa nt wi t h all the a ff ai rs of th e Co m
munity it appears t hat happy marriages are the almost
,

universal rule ; divorce and infidelity are p rac tically nu

k nown ; families of three fou r, o r five are ge ner al ; and
,

c hildless couples are anomalies .

T he signifi c ant fact t hat t hese pe o ple l ong t augh t to ,

di s regard our marriage conventio ns squa rely faced abo ut ,

and have lived m o re co nsis t e ntly and happ ily and lawfully
21 0 The A rt o f Love .

or a ssets which no t all po ssesss He m ust be educable ; he

, .

must be fai t hful ; and he must st ick ; while in th e commu ni t y

at la rge many are i ned ucable , s ome would be nei ther fai t hful
,

no r const a nt we re t h e i nducements eve n great er t ha n the

,

o ne s which th e Commu ni ty aff o rd s .

Di scou nt i ng all t hese things t his C o mmunit y sh ows what

,

may be done in any la rge business or in any indust rial co m

muni ty wi tho ut U nionism o r S o ciali zat ion Such centers
, .

s ca tt ered ove r th e cou nt ry w o uld rapidly lead to others

s t imulat ed by example to emulate thes e imp roved condi t ions .

T hi s would ult ima tely le ad t o the segregat ion o f t he u nfit ,

wh o would be left t o work o u t thei r o wn s alvat ion o r faili ng

, ,

of thi s t hey would come in a mass unde r t he j u ri sdict ion of

,

th e fit who fo r t hei r o wn p r o tection if fo r no other reason

, , , ,

would have to wo rk o u t a self suppo r ti ng or pa rtially s elf

-
,

suppo rting plan fo r the u nendo wed and the u nambi t iou s .
 C H AP TER 7!

AN U N SOLI CIT ED LIFE - S T O RY

Canad a ,

F eb . 2 4th , 1 92 0 .

Dr . WF R obie , . .

Sup t P ine T errac e,.

Baldwi nville , Mass .

D e a r D octo r
While recoveri ng fromwounds in a Canadia n hospi t al last
w inter (Feb I c ame ac ros s a c o py of your sple ndid
“
.
,
”
l i tt le book entitled Rational Sex E thics
, It is ce rtai nly .

all tha t its name implies and I part icula rly admire y o ur ,

moral courage in i ncluding in the volume you r o wn sex his

t o ry . T he wo rt h of the book is doubled by t hat courageous
inclusio n and the si nce ri ty of t he au tho r placed beyond
q ues t io n .

I am goi ng t o take the libe rt y to int rude upon you a

s hort pers o nal sex his t o ry , t rus t i ng th at t he ra t her u nusu al

s ex phase which it take s up and its s i nce ri ty may in some

measure prove a su ffi cient reaso n fo r t hi s u no rth odox int ru

s 1 o n.

The w rite r is an Ame rica n who enli sted in the Ca nadia n

A rmy Ju ne 1 9 1 6 I was for ove r twe nty mo nt hs over “
, , .

”
t he re playi ng an i ntimate pa rt in t hat grand melee I
, .

have bee n o u t of th e a rmy fo r abou t a year and at the pres

ent t ime I am pu t t i ng a ff airs i nt o shape p rep arto ry t o

r et u rni ng t o m y na t ive s t at e in t h e wes t t he re t o e ngage in ,

agriculture .

I shall first intrude a brief perso nal sket ch and t hen

roceed t o th e bi o graphy A t t h e pre sent t ime I am five
p .

months p ast my thi rty third birthday and look perha ps -

,

fi ve yea rs y o unger In height I am six feet o ne i nch and

.
, ,

21 1
21 2 The A rt o f Lo ve

weigh o ne hu ndred and eigh t y t wo pou nds st rippe d At the-

.

t ime I enlis t ed in th e Ca nadian servi ce I weighed o ne h un

dred and ni ne ty fi ve pou nds , wh i c h is , perhaps , nearer my
-

norm al weigh t M y colori ng 1s fair 1 e hair blonde eyes

.
, . .
, ,

blue and complexio n u nt il pe rmanently tanned by out door

, ,

expo sure pi nk and whi te M y feat ures are regular and I

, .
,

am clea n shave n -
In appearance I am a t all b ro ad shoul -

“
.
,
”
dered fellow wi th a bull neck and rather excessive shoulder
development I am s t ro nger t han t he average bo t h in
.
,

muscular developme nt and in physical endura nce and fro m ,

you t h up have been keenly intere sted in sport s and ou tdoor

act ivities I early learned to box wres tle ride and swim
.
, , , ,

and have kep t up my p ro fi c iency in t hree of t hese s o rts to

the prese nt t ime I am no t a good boxer A t the large
“
. .

”
Easte rn P rep school I att end ed I played bo th football ,

and baseball cap t ai ni ng my eleven in my senio r year

, At .

Ha r vard I cont inued my athlet ic ac tivi t ies event ually ,

ni ng my college letter in o ne of the maj or spo rts I w as .

also generall y conceded to be about the best heavyweight

wre stler in the u niversi ty Outside of a pro fi c iency in sports.

and out doo r pu rs ui ts I have no accompli shments i e do

, , . .
,

no t da nce s ing or pl ay any musical i nst ruments and am

, , ,

no t well versed in any of what I sh all call fo r wa nt of a bet

-

“
,
”
t er name parlo r trick s
, .

M o st of my l ife si nce leaving t he u niversit y h as been

, ,

c ast in the rougher enviro nments of life and s ave for a ,

love of books I belie in mode of life and even in pe rs onal

,

charac terist ics th e educat i o n and cult ure which have been
.
“
mine I have been down among men so much t hat I feel
”

far m o re at hom e in a d annel shi rt than in the dres s sui t and -

“ ”
life anywhere save in the open wo uld be unendurable t o
me .

I was bo rn in Califo rni a, and was th e t hi rd child in a

family of four, all boys Both of my parent s we re nat ive .

born A me ricans of A nglo Celtic lineage T he st o ck o n both

-
.

sides is sou nd and heal thy , and there is no hi st ory of gou t ,

c ancer, tuberculo si s or ne rvous di sorde rs in ei ther branch

o f the family My fathe r died at sixty four, the result o f
.
-
 '

21 4 The Art o f Love

th at I h ad my wish grat ifi ed , but re member no s

pec ifi c in
s t a nce .

M y re tu rn t o th e U ni t ed S t at es almost was marked by an

immediat e ent rance i nt o t he ea ste rn p repa rato ry scho ol ,

which was to be the scene of my act ivit ies fo r t he grea ter

pa rt of t he next fi ve years I was a hea rt y boy and fitt ed
.

readily int o the act ive school life and my fi rst six mont h s ,

were free from sexuali ty of any k ind .

When t hi rteen and o ne half yea rs I learned t o mastu rba te

-
,

and th e act was lea rned spo nt aneou sly I was spe ndi ng th e .

Easte r rece ss with an uncle and aunt in New Jersey and ,

was esc o nced in a la rge room which c o ntained many mir

r o re. O ne night as I was di srobing I chanced to see in
, ,

o ne of t he large mi rrors a por tion of my b o dy no t usually

di scerni ble T he cu rve of t he bu t t ock s pleased me and I

.

po sed in variou s po sit io ns with a view t o b ett er seeing t his

,

pa rt of my body A s I was t hus engaged I became suddenly

.
,

conscious of a plea surable sensat io n which seemed t o emanat e

from the penis Glancing down at that organ I found it
.
,

enlarged and ro sy and t he prepuce qui t e re t racted A t ouch .

gave me a pleasant thrill whereupon I began stroki ng it

, ,

su rpri sed b eyond belief at the new and a greeable sensat ion
I w as enj oyi ng Soon I reached the o rgasm but of course
.
,

h ad no emissio n T he paramou nt feeli ng at t he co nclusion

.

of t his act w as o ne of su rprise I t hought t hat I had made .

a brand new di s cove ry and t hat I was alone in t hi s k nowl

edge . How long I re t ained thi s ab su rd belief I do no t
remember b ut I fa ncy no t very long I mas tu rbated du ring
, .

t his early pe ri o d once o r twice a week ce rt ai nly no t m o re ,

often T he act was u sually accomplish ed at night and las

.

c iv io u s mental pict ure s accomp anied it O ccasionally whe n .

,

opportunity p resent ed itself I wo uld masturbate while ,

posi ng in variou s posit ions befo re mi rro rs a ssuming those ,

osi t io n which w o uld give me a bett er view o f my nat e s and

p s

a nal region Somet imes I would widen the anal ape rt u re

.

w i t h th e fingers ju st be fo re at t aini ng the o rgasm T h i s .

indelicat e act pro ved a powerful st imul ant I al so tri ed .

int ro duci ng o bj ects up the anu s while m astu rb at i ng bu t as ,

 A n Uns o lic ited Life S to ry -
21 5

thi s te nded t o give me less ra ther t ha n mo re plea sure , I soo n

st opped I t rus t tha t you will pardo n th ese ra the r un
.

e s the t ic det ails de t ails which in view of later events may

, , ,

be of some import ance .

A t fi fteen I made t he fi rst d efi nit e at temp ts t o st 0 p self

,

a buse b
, ut w as u nsuccessful in my e ff or t s T h e s t ruggl e .

comi ng at a time when my sexual dema nd s were i ncreasi ng ,

h o w ever probably kept me from those excessive i ndulge nc e s

,

which I migh t o therwi se have given w ay t o Fi nding tha t I

—
.

could no t ent irely discard self abuse I regulated my ac ts , .

and f o cused t he rest of my atte nt io n o n my muscular develop

ment and a t hle tic p ro fi ciency I had no t as yet begun t o .

grow and I remember tha t my chief fear concerni ng mas

,

tu rb at io n was that it migh t s tu nt me T he t o ne of th e .

school was except io nally clea n and mos t of t he boy s kep t

t heir sex lives to themselves I remembe r hearing of no.

cases of mu t ual ma st urbat ion or homosexuali ty T his clea n .

liness t oget her w i th the co ns t ant at hle t ic ac t ivi ty te nded t o

, ,

keep sexual t hought s in the background ; s o in spite of my ,

growi ng sexuali ty I probably masturbat ed less th is yea r

,

t han previously T he summer was spe nt in M aine where

.
,

I led a heart y rugged life in the open and o ne free from all ,

s exuali t y if the occasional acts of ma sturbatio n are ex

,

c epted .

At ixteen I began to grow and this year was o ne of

s , ,

almos t ceasele ss at hlet ic act ivi ty Exercise was my fetish ’

.
,

and I cared no t hing for game s no t i nvolvi ng a grea t deal of

physical act ivi ty T he immediat e e ff ect of t h is athlet i c
.

act ivi ty was t o make me eve n more cau tious agains t any
over indulgence in self abuse than I had been the year befo re
- -
.

I held t he b elief that t h e los s of s eme n w as mo st weake ni ng .

T o p revent ma stu rba t ion I bathed my genit al s in col d,

water night and mo rning wore a j ock st rap when I retired

,
-

( p
t o r eev ent th e c h a nce ha ndli ng of t h e organ whe n asleep ) ,

gave up horse back ridi ng becau se th e bu tt ock movement s

-
,

i nc ide ntal to it seemed to fi re my libido i and studiou sly ,

fought t o keep my mi nd free f rom all sexual thoughts .

Wh en I did masturba t e it was more t o relieve e rect i o ns

2 06 The A r t o f Lo ve

For t he nex t four o r fi ve days t hey have the variou s prelim

inaries to int ercourse and t he j oi ni ng o f the o rga ns for from
te n mi nu t es t o an hour in various po s i t ions t w o or three t imes
each nigh t and occas ionally o nce duri ng t he day O u none .

of these occasions does he have an orgasm ; but she u sually

desires this o nce or twice duri ng thi s fou r or fiv e day period -
,

and whe n she does he sees t hat sh e h as comple te sat i s fact ion .

While this is t he u sual program whe n t hey are toge t her ,

there are many b raeks due to his absence s o n lo ng lecture

,

t ours . Her public du t ies also frequently take her fro m

home Whenever t hey have been separated for any c o ns id
.
»

crable length of t ime alth o ugh they make it rule to i ndulge

,

very freely before t hey separa t e she begins to suff er afte r

,

the fi rst t wo or t hree day s and th is t e ns ion i ncre as es c o n

,

st ant l
y u n t il his re turn In t his
. case t here is li tt le desi re

for the fi rst ten day s ; and thereafter t hough it is no t co n ,

s t ant t here are frequent pe riod s of ex treme tension In

, .

sho r t t hey h ave bo th been ex t remely miserable duri ng t heir

,

ma ny nec essary separat ions .

Recently how ever when a sepa rat io n of six week s w as

, ,

pe nding after being influenced by advice similar t o my o wn

,

in suc h cases each promised the ot her that duri ng their

, ,

separat io n they would ob t ai n by au t o ero t ism such relief

,
-

as seemed necessary wi th t he resul t tha t b e prac t iced au t o

,

erotism three t imes duripg the period and was very com
fo rt able while she re so rt ed to it somewha t more freque ntly ;
,

and while no t e nt irely free from t e nsio n was nearer t o b ei ng

comf o rt able than she had been duri ng any similar peri o d of

se eratio n si nce h er marriage t we nty six yea rs ago -

p .

T hi s value of co nt rolled i nte rcou rse is perfect ly apparent

in this case Wi t hou t it it would be necessary fo r thi s woma n
.

to su ff er i nt olerably from self denial w hich in my j udgment

-
, ,

mu st ul t imat ely re sult in a comple t e nerv ous breakdown ; o r

if she were kept in fairly perfect equilib rium it would be ,

necessa ry for her hu sband to have i nt ercourse w i th orgasm

daily which freq
, uency would reduce his eflic iency and pro
duce ne rv o u s sypt o ms in him .

A s it is bo th these people do an almo st i ncredible amou nt

,

o f work m , o st o f it of an exac t i ng m ental v ariety ; and in

 °

21 8 T he A rt o f Love

fellat io and t ho se effiminate c reatuses who pract iced it and ,

t ha t act and t he people who prac t iced it nausea ted me .

In my school days boys had mea nt not hi ng more t o me

,

t han possible rivals or pleasa nt compa nions b u t aft er I ,

h ad a tt ai ned my full s t re ngt h t here gradually came home ,

t o me the fac t tha t t here was a ce rt ai n beaut y abou t boy

hood I thi nk this came in my sophom o re year at college
. .

M y classical readi ng had made me cogni z ant of th e fac t t hat

ot her es sent ially masc uline men in more vigorous ages had
felt t his beauty only in my ca se it was only pubescent
,

you t hs wi th rosy complexions who m ade the appeal and the

erot ic z o ne w as th e na tes A nything co nnect ed w i th nude .

men or mature you ths left me cold .

My last t wo years at t he u niversit y were o nes as full of

a thle t ic activit ies as the fi rst t wo b ut as I had achieved a ,

so rt of supremacy in several sport s and my phy sical develop

ment was more complet e t he s t rain of compet it ion was no t ,

s o grea t I w as a popular fellow and was looked upo n as

.

a so rt of class leader T his latt er fac t probably made me

-
.

more circumspec t in my co ndu ct than I mi ght otherwise

have been I moulded in coi tus these years regularly mod
.
,

erat ely , and always u sed t h e greates t p recaut io n agai ns t

ve nereal infec tion Cont act wi th pros t i tu t es did no t fill my
.

afl e ct io nal wa nts bu t it seemed t o sat i s fy my phy sical needs

,
.

A s I had no desire t o trespass o n th e po ssible i nnocence of

o ther women such as shop girls grass widow s etc who
,
-
,
-
, .
,

passed my wa y I c o nfined my se xual atte nt ions wholly to '

“
,
”
prost i t ut es I lo nged to keep a mis t res s but America is
.
,

no t France and anyway my pocke t book would no t st a nd

,

s uch an ext ravaga nce While I pract iced no perve rsions

.

w i th the p ros t itu t es whom I co nso rt ed wi t h nevertheless I ,

devia ted from t he classical po sit io n in intercourse o n ma ny

occasions approachi ng th e woma n ad pos t erior bei ng my
,

most frequent and pleasurable deviat ion T he bu t t ock

m
.

co nt act i ncident al to t his mode of i nte rcourse see ed to

, ,

h eigh t e n the plea su re .

T h e summer between my Ju nior and Se nior years I spent

in Europe and of course i ndulged f reely in i ntercourse
, , ,
 24 11 Unso l icited LE
fe S t o ry
-
219

wi thout qui te the same fea r of i nfection which I had in the

S tates .

T here is lit tle furt her t o say co ncerni ng my u niversi ty

day s A fter graduat ion I accep t ed a po si tion as assis t ant
.
,

manage r in a land de velopme nt pro j e c t in the Wes t and re ,

port ed for du ty there the follow i ng Oct ober I received the .

posit ion through my fa ther s infl uence P a rt of t he lo ng ’

.

s ummer vacat io n w as spe nt in Europe w here I nearly j oi ned ,

the Bri t ish A rmy when a fl u rr

y of
, w a nde rlu s t ro lled over

me and part was spe nt in M ai ne and Ca nad a

, .

T here is o ne sexual i ncide nt of this summ e r which s t a nds

ou t in my memory O ne nigh t in M o nt real af ter I had t e
.
,

t urned from a t hree weeks campi ng t rip I c h anc ed t o be

’
,

o ne of a
group of eo
p p le w ho had ga t h ered t o w i tne s s a s treet

accident We w ere closely p ressed t o ge th e r and th e person

.
,

di rec tly in front of me w as a good looki ng French Canadian -

boy of abou t fi fteen Impelled by a w av e o f se xual excite .

ment induced by thi s clo se co ntac t I lef t my h and run gently ,

over h is bu tt ocks H e t urned around and s mil ed shyly and

.
,

I read in his dark eyes that t his attent io n did no t displease

him Whe n th e cro wd disperse d I enga ged him in c o nversa
.
,

t ion co m
, plime nti ng him o n h is look s I was s toppi ng in a .

small second r ate h o t el (as I had j u s t c o me fro mt he w oods

-

and was s t ill in my campi ng clot h es ) and as t he eve ni ng ,

was s till early I a ske d th e lad if he would no t accompany

,

me to my room H e h es i t ated a moment and then accepted

.
,

t h e i nvi t at io n I h ad no ulte rior mo tive when I i ssued thi s

.

i nvi t a t io n b ut immedia t ely we w e re in the room the boy s

, ,
’

dark eyes and fresh face made a no th er w av e of lus t roll

over me and I c o nti nued my a ttent io ns playfully i nqui ri ng ,

i f h is na tes looked as plu mp as they fel t Th e boy re adily .

s at isfi ed my curio si ty al th ough blushi ngly b ut w ith a , ,

lea s ed laugh H e was se xu a lly e xci ted and w ill ingly pla c ed
p .

h imself in a las c ivio u s

p o s i t io n m aki ng b u t t o c k moveme
, nts

for my b enefi t W e b o th masturb ated d uri ng th is p ro c edure

. .

A t the conclu sio n I was almos t over c ome b y sh ame

, I thi nk .

he also had som et h ing o f th i s fe eli ng H o w ever when he .

,

left I ki ss ed him w i tho ut em

,
b arra s sme nt and he returned it ,
220 The A r t o f Lo ve

in t he ame manner I t ru st t hat you will forgive the int i

s .

ma t e det ails of this fi rs t homo sexual a ff air .

I t ook up my du ties in t he wes tern state at the appointed

t ime and remai ned t here for a period of two years
, T he .

life was hard rough and o ne of almos t ceaseless outdoor

, ,

act ivi ty I fitt ed i nto the environme nt perfectly and th rived

.
,

under its act ivi t ies M y sexual life during thi s two year
.
-

pe riod was o ne of almos t co ns t ant desires which were o nly ,

relieved by occ asional v isits t o a nea rby ci ty where I would

all bu t exhau st my s elf wi t h pro st i tutes T hese venereal .

excursions in spite of thei r drai n o n my sys tem left me

, ,

physically invigo ra ted I was in the hey day of my y o uth.

-
,

in sple ndidly fit co ndit io n and my sex nat ure prese nt ed ,

dem ands which were almo st imperat ive The cont inual sex .

u rgi ngs annoyed me no t a little at times especially at t hose ,

t imes whe n my du t ie s were t o o pres s ing t o permi t m e t o go

to the ci t y and t hen I would re so rt to mas t u rbat io n f o r

,

relief I seldom used the hand however att ai ning t he

.
, ,

orga sm by friction agai nst th e pommel of the s addle when

ridi ng or by frict io n against some soft obj ect whenever a
, ,

wav e of lu st r olled over me .

O u the wohle I prac t iced self abu se seldom there bei ng

,
-
,

no t hi ng of an ou ts ide nature t o aro use my pas sions i e I , . .

,

was no t in co nt ac t wi th wome n and s aw no e rot ic sigh ts .

Du ring my second yea r in t he woods I went t o the ci t y ,

mo re frequently (ten or tw elve times duri ng t he year ) and ,

o n o ne of the se excursio ns I m et a you ng girl whom I he

came much att ached t o She was about twenty year s old .
.

and I m et her t hrough a college friend w ho lived in t he same

ci ty M y lat er visi ts to the ci ty always included visi ts to

.

her and duri ng the lo ng i nt ervals I w as away we exchanged

, ,

frequent lette rs I fel t again the t ouch of a good woman s

.
’

i nte re st and liki ng fo r me and o nly a lonely man in a ,

womanles s enviro nment can u nders t and all t hat c an mean .

I was no t really in love wi t h this girl b u t I was immensely ,

fo nd of her and thi s att achment tended to keep me aw ay

,

from pros t itu tes when I was in the city and filled the aff ec ,

t io nal gap in my life du ri ng the long st ret ches when I was

in c am p Hers were the fi rst regu
. l ar letters I h ad received
2 22 The A rt o f Lo ve

erect organ put a so rt of cold douche o n my lib ido b ut ,

when he turned around t o conc eal his organ the sight of h is ,

plump naked na tes made a w ave of the mos t int ense lus t
,

roll over me Th e evidence of my exci teme nt could no t be

co ncealed by t h e scant bat hi ng—
.

sui t I wo re and the boy was

qui ck to no t ice it For a mome nt we looked at each other ;
.

t hen a shy smile spread over his face Wi th this boy I .

pract i c ed i nt er crural i ntercourse ha v i ng him lies in my arms

-
,

and fac ing t he same w ay T he cont a c t wi th t he fleshy b u

. t
t ock s gave me as intense an enj oyme nt as I have ever k now n .

We were bo th in a fever of passion duri ng this procedure ,

kisses and blandishments passi ng between us I believe th e .

boy obtai ned his orgasm by mastub r at io n but do no t remem ,

ber I did no t t ouch h is organ A t the co nclusion of t he

. .

ac t we bo th of u
, s t ook a swim t hen I kissed him good b ye,

and never saw him agai n .

( )
2 O n e nigh t w he n I ,w as t aki ng a sh o r t wal ki ng t rip
in No rthern New E ngland dust ove rt ook me before I h ad ,

reached my des t ined t o wn A s it was rai ni ng heavily I .

,

appli ed for accommodat io n at a small farm house My '

-
.

walking companion had left me the prec edi ng night and I ,

had small d esire t o t rudge along in the dark and th e rai n

fo r anot her ten miles T he t w o old people who a ns w e red
.

my k nock fi rst said tha t t hey had no accommodatio ns and

t he n added if I had no obj ec t ions t o sleepi ng wi t h t h e hire d
,

boy they could harbor me I regis tered no obj ections and

, .

fo rth w ith was led t o a small room in wha t appeared to be

th e a tt ic pa rt of t he house T he boy had go ne o n an errand
.

t o the t ow n and bei ng very t i red I disrobe d and we nt t o

, ,

bed A bou t ni ne o clock a plump rosy c heeeked lad of six

.
’
,
-

t ee n be ari ng a lamp e ntered t h e room He set th e lamp down .

o n t he d resser and began t o di srobe I paid no attention t o .

t hi s perfo rma nce furt her than t o gage by occasio nal glance s
how lo ng it would take him t o accomplish t hi s p ro c edure I .

was sleepy and the light annoyed me When he was st ark .

naked he blew o u t t he lamp and go t i nt o bed lyi ng w i t h h is ,

back to wa rd me and in a cu rvey posi tio n Th e bed w as .

ve ry narro w and of course I w as in direct cont act w ith his

, ,

b u tt ocks . Im m edi ately l ascivi o us th o ughts danced th rough

 Ah Umo llc ited Life I
s to ry -
2 23

my mind For a t ime I s truggled agains t them and t hen

.
,

caut iou sly allowed my ha nd to come in cont ac t wi th his

m at es While I was thus engaged I no t iced sus p icious move
.
,

ment s o n his pa rt Soon th e slight shaking of t he bed and

.

his pa nt i ngs showed me clearly wha t he w as doing My .

excit ement immedia tely became i nte nse I shall spare you .

further detail s of t hi s lascivious night S uffi ce it t o say .

th a t I did no t handle his organ no r allow him to handle

mi ne but my ero t ic acts were concerned w i th th e nates and
,

anu s acts which did no t i nvolve ped era sty however In the
, , .

morning we were bot h exhau sted and needless t o say I was , ,

heart ily ashamed of myself M y se nsu ali ty had no t i nvolved

.

t he slight es t degree of love feeli ng o nly a wild desire t o

-
,

experience in t he erot ic z ones w hi c h appealed t o me all

t he sennsu al pleasure which my mos t lascivious dream s h ad
pictured .

( )
3 T h e t hird i ncide nt w as of a more i nnoce nt na t ure I .

was visit i ng an aged woman rela t ive She was b o ardin at .

a small summer hot el lit erally filled wi th old ladies I .

remai ned t here a week and the o nly pers o n there anywhere
,

near my o wn age was a boy of fi fteen

, H e t ook a great .

fancy to me ch icfly because of my age and act ive t empera

,

ment I we nt abou t w it h him quit e a b it and t auh t him

.
,

some of the rudiments of b o xin and wrest li ng A lthough .

he was a bo nny e nough boy I thought of him in no o ther

,

way tha n as a pleas ant companion but o ne nigh t he came ,

i nto my room in complete nudi ty and assumi ng a po sit ion

“
, , ,

asked me if such w as th e w res tling hold I had t augh t h im

”

t h at day It w as but I had though t s only for his form

.
, ,

which seemed s t ra ngely beau t iful to me H e t he n begged me

“
.

”
t o show him t wo or t hree more holds before he went to
bed using as the excuse my depart u re o n t he morrow
, .

Slippi ng o n my wres tli ng tru nks I complied wi th his reques t

, ,

and I de rived a d e c ided sensuou s e nj oym ent from my c asual

cont ac t wi th his nakedness No orgasm t ook place but I
.
,

had an intense e rect ion du ri ng the w hole performance T he .

boy was no t consciou s of my excit ement .

T hese t h ree h o mo sexual i ncident s bri ng o u t s ome thi ng o f

the natu re o f my fet i sh Co nside ring the lo ng inte rval o f
.
22 4 T he A rt o f Lo ve

t ime i nvolved they are no t many It w ill also be seen t hat

, .

t he oppo rtu ni ty for t hese homosexual i ndulge nces came my

way and were no t of my deliberate seeki ng O ne migh t
, .

almos t say t hat they were o nly t he ca sual i ndi sc ret ions of a
s ensuous and highly sexed m an go i ng o n th e assumpt io n
,

t ha t in all probabili ty t he vas t maj ori t y of m

, , en have com

w i tt ed some t ime in t heir lives sexual perversi t ies

, Bu
, t my .

f et ish for the nate s is to o apparent (as t h is sexual his t ory

need t o pursue fu rther in de t ail any sex his t ory F o r o ne .

year I w as abroad and fo r nearly t w o years I divided my

,

t ime betw een t he Wes t and Nort h West In June 1 9 1 6 -

.
, ,

and when I was twenty ni ne years old I j oi ned th e Ca nadia n

-
,

A rmy .L a st year I received my ho norable di scharge fro m

t h e se rvice and a short t ime af ter marri ed a Ca nadian girl
, , .

We intend t o make California our home where I am t o

e ngage in agricul ture Th e war has changed me spiri tually
.
,

and in spi t e of my war experie nces I feel that I ama bett er

, ,

man today in every way than when I ente red the service .

My sex li fe during the i nte rval covered in the above sen

t eno e s was abou t the same as formerly i e occasio nal vi si ts , . .
,

t o prost i tu te s occasio nal ac t s of self i ndulge nce

, and a -
,

d eal of la scivious t hough ts T he re were also several homo

.

s exual i ncident s similar t o t he ones de scribed

bu t no ne qui te ,

in th e s ame clas s as t he seco nd of t h ose t hree i ncide nts

d et ailed .

A t tw enty seve n I read a sex b ook which gave me so me

-
,
.

l igh t o n the sexual perversi tie s wit hou t howeve r go i ng i nt o

, , ,

my particular fet ish At later da t es I read other sex books

.
, ,

bu t they were less i nforming bei ng l ess subs t a nt ial volumes

, .

A s my fe t ish for t he nate s absolu t ely excluded those of m en

o r ma tu re you t h s and o nly casually am

, b rac ed t hose of
wo men I c ame to the conclusion t hat my sexual na tu re
,

included a lat ent t endency t o ac t ive pedera sty and t hat the ,

int ere st in the bu t to cks and anal regio n had fi rs t been

induced by my early experie nce wi th t he nurse and la t er
emphasi zed by t he exhibi t io ni sm c o nnect ed wit h my fi rst
s elf indulgence
- T he fi rst fact th at o nly you ng boy s
.
,
22 6 The Z rt o f Lo ve

on t he other ha nd was th e Charybdi s of i ndulge nce wi th p ros

t it utes and it s possible venereal co nsequences T he sex life .

of the young man does no t seem t o be t aken int o considera

tio n by those w h o hold that mast urbat ion is deadly and
e xt ra mari tal coi tus i mmoral and dange rous Early marr iage
-
.

is a solut ion of t he sexual pro blem of t he y o ung man but ,

how many you ng men t hese days are in a fi nancial posit io n

t o marry you ng ? Very few indeed , .

T he M other Gru ndys who claim t hat it should be j u st as

easy for a you ng man t o remain cont inent as a yo u ng girl
forget t ha t t here is no t th e same prot ect ion t hrow n aro und
young men as t here is around you ng girls that the sex libid o ,

of the t wo is esse nt ially di ff erent and that men as a rule , , ,

( because of fi nanc ial co n sidera t io ns ) have t o ma r ry la t er in

life I should like to ask thse pseudo moralists What is
.
— -

a young man to do wi th his sex life betw een th e the a ges of

eight een when nature dema nds him t o mate and thi rt y
, , ,

when civili z at io n and his p o cke tbook pe rmit him to ? In

, ,

t he West ern Europea n na t io ns where the eco nomic si t uat io n ,

and stre ss of life is such t hat la te marriage s are th e rule ,

you ng men keep mi st re sses ; in mo st of t he oth er European

nat ions early marriage is t he rule
, I am no t a rguing in .

f avor of i ndulgence in p ros ti tut io n o r any fo rm of ext ra ,

marit al coitu s by our young men or int rudi ng an excu se

, ,

for such of it as exis t s but I do no t t hi nk that our A me r

,

ic an mo ralis ts have looked upo n the sex pro blem of the

y ou n g ma n from a ra t io n al a n gle A s t his is esse nt ially a .

femi ni ne count ry (i e a cou nt ry w he re the femini ne view

. .
,

poi nt seems to prevail ) perhaps thi s is no t surpri si ng

, .

I feel sure that many you ng men are driven i nt o th e a rms

of pro stitutees th rough fear of t he consequences of self
i ndulgence and the re sult is disas t rous to t hem selve s and
,

t o societ y as you doc to rs well k now

,
B y tell ing t he t ru th .

co ncerni ng th e eff ect of moderat e m ast urbation o ne doe s ,

no t encou rage t he prac t ice and it helps t o remove f ro m th e

,

sex sphe re o ne more of t he fallacies which sur rou nds it T he .

t ru t h never hu rts it is t he lie s which work t h e mo st inj ury .

“
,
”
In my days at t he u niversi t y a dose of clap was rega rded ,
“
as no worse tha n a cold
”
I fancy th at so me of my friends
.
 Z n Umo licited Life S t o ry -
2 27

who used to quo te thi s absu rd error know diff e re ntly no w .

I believe that athlet ic act ivi ty is t he o ne great safegua rd

agai nst overi ndulgence in self abuse ; for the boy who is -

keenl y interes ted in his physical developme nt will no t readily

give way t o his desi res T he fac t tha t o ur A merican boys
.

are kee nly i nt e res t ed in sports and t he fac t t hat our schools
,

encou rage athlet ic s does more t o dis c ourage ma sturbat io n

,

t han all t he books ever wri tt en depic t i ng the terrible c o n

sequences of such P lai n sexual fac t s should be t aught o ur
.

boy s at an age when their u nders t a ndi ng is ready to receive

su ch and nothi ng b ut the t ruth should be t old T he d an
, .

gers of conso rt i ng wi th prosti tu tes sho uld be as clearly pic

tu red as the da ngers of excessive mas turba t io n .

“
You r cou rageous manly book is as far removed from
,

Howe s mons t rosi ty as the Eas t is from th e fes t ; it is a

’

tw e nt ie t h ce ntur y t rea t ise o n an important subj ec t ; his

“E xc essive Vener ” belongs t o the dark ages
y .

In read i ng over t his his t ory I fi nd it at best frag ,

ment ary and wonder why I have wri t te n it all

, It is .

often hard t o set down in ink one s i nner t hought s and emo ’

t io ns es pecially w he n t hey are co ncerned w i th a delicat e

,

subj ect I have t ried t o be si nc ere and c lear and clea n in

.

t hi s hi s tory and if I have fall en shor t in t h e t wo latter

, ,

perhaps my si nc e ri ty may c o ndo ne such short comi ng -

.

M ay Go d sp are yo u lo ng for your w ork and your fam ily

is the si ncere w ish of the w ri t er .

Sincerely yo urs ,

A M cA
(P seudo nym .
)
Co mme nts o n an Uns o l c ed L fe S t o ry
i it i -

No co mments of mi ne c an add m uc h t o th e le sso ns taugh t

by the fr ank s t raight forw a rd thought fully a naly t ic h is
, ,

t ory give n b y th i s y o u ng man

,
His w ords do more than .

w or s of mi ne t o se t forth th e you ng m a s prob ’

c an an
y d n
lem and t hough few reali ze it the you ng wo ma n s proble m
, ,
’

as it really it .

T he va st maj ori ty of the really w o rth whil e you ng pe o ple -

22 8 The A rt o f Love

of th e cou ntry have been t hrough simila r experiences fo rce d ,

t o them by s imilar i ns t i nc ts and by similar fears and fal

lacies ; but o nly a few like him have e scaped f rom ve nerea l
, ,

d i sease and comparatively few have kep t the ir ideals as he

,

h as evident ly done .

What doe s it amount to for wri ters who have forgo tt en

t heir o wn yout h o r who have di sowned t heir o wn i ns ti ncts
, ,

or who are decadent specimens of manhood or womanhood ,

t o talk and pra te about t h e ea se of p reservi ng t he virgi n

ideal of an aso lute ly cont i nent life through l ate ad o lescent
and early adult ye ars ?
T his m an is a fair type of college at hlete a fair type of ,

the a rti s on clerk professio nal s tudent o r r obu st farm lad

, , , .

T he fallaciou s reasoni ng t hat a devo ti on t o a thle tic s will

bri ng the sex natu re under easy subj ect ion is well illu st rat ed
in t hi s c ase M a ny a college athlete has to ld me a similar
.

st ory of how t h e fet ich of at h le t ics h as developed a st rong

p hys ique a ,st ro ng will a heal t hy se nt i me

, nt ; b ut alas ! se x
accompanies all the res t ; and w it h st ronge r mu scles and
clearer head come stro nger sex i ns ti ncts .

T h e wri te r migh t me ntion his o wn expe rience H e was .

never in athlet ics in college or a nywhe re else ; yet he w as

, ,

often t old in college and since t hen th at his powe rs of

, ,

endurance were unu sual H e remembers well how t he man .

who broke the inter collegiat e record in the t wo mile run in

- -

h is day used t o rou t him o ut at all t imes of t he day or night

t o ru n o r walk a ny whe re from five to t went y five miles
,
-
.

Once t ired of the ru nner s persis tence he asked Why d o ’ “

, , ,
”
you come afte r me all th e t ime ? and the record breake r -

“
replied Bec ause you are the only man in college who can
,
”
keep in sight of me .

U p to the p re se nt t ime he h as neve r f ailed t o k eep in sight

,

of any o ne wi th whom he has st a rted fo r a lo ng walk or a ,

long run He h as walked t wenty five miles between di nner

.
-

and suppe r he h as followed a bu

, ck deer 25 miles ove r
mou ntai ns c o vered wi t h s now and ice He h as ridden a .

bicycle a hundred and thirty seven miles in a day o n the -

Vt and N H roads of th e o lden t ime s He h as oft en swu m

. . . .

miles o n a stretch H e h as mowed by h and o ver two acres

.
23 0 The A r t o f Lo ve

oray expedie nt h as no mo re ha rmful e ff ec t than its equiv

p
alent in no rmal m ari t al i ntercou rse We all do k now that .

even i nfrequent promiscuous i nt e rcourse results in ve ry

many cases in the acquiring of pe rmanent habits of promis
cuons sexual livi ng .

We k no w that there is a real and constant d anger of

venereal di sease for th e man who pu rsues such a pol icy ; and
we kno w that be const antly degr ade s and i nj ure s his part
ner, whe ther she be p ro st i tu t e o r clande st i ne accomplice .

H e well shows though he him self att ribu tes h is slight

,

h o mo sexual te ndency to i nherent i nbo rn cravi ngs that t hi s

-
, ,

t endency was a s imple co nseque nce of th e ac t io n of t he

nu rse who att rac t ed his a tt e ntio n to his nat e s and est ab
lished th e a ssoc iat ion of sexual de si re wi th these p arts .

S tre ngtheni ng thi s early expe rience was t he la t e r a sso

c iat io n of erot ic feel i ngs cau sed by the s ight of this part
,

of his o wn body in t he mirror T hen when the various .

,

o cc asio ns a rose f o r t h e homo sexu al i ncident s -

his s t a te of ,

sexual t ensio n m ade a hno st i nevi t able the associa t ion of sex
ual desire w it h the nates of you ng bo ys Wit h the ch ai n of .

event s in his life as recorded it is well nigh i nevi table tha t

, ,

rep re ssion should stimulat e ment al im agery of these early

situ at io ns and t hat opportuni ty should lead to a flame fro m
u
,

ch a spark .

H ad there been no oppo rtu ni ty h is early as sociati o n of ,

sexu a l pleasure wi th the nate s of boys would p robably h ave

di ed o ut or at least have become insignifi c ant
, .

H ad he ma rried e arly or had he mas turbated moderat ely

,

witho u t fea r of consequences he might have had abundant

,

o pp o rtu ni t y and st ill never have been p rompt ed t o any

ho m u l act
- ex a
o s .

I mai nt ai n t h at the re is no th i ng i nherently perverse in

h im and t hat all the occurrenc es we re d efinite re ac t i o ns to
,

well known laws T ha t a perversion did no t ensue is due t o

-
.

the facts t ha t his wi ll was st rong his i nst i ncts and ae sthe t ic s
,

fundamentally right and opportunity i nfrequent

, .

He will u ndoubt ed ly have li ttle o r no t rouble no w in his

married life It is po ssible that he may h ave a strong crav
.
 Z n Unso licited Lif S to ry e-
23 1

ing t o caress o r view thi s pa rt of his wife s anat o my ; but a ’

certain fo ndnes s fo r the same thi ng seems t o be inhe rent or

readily developed in every m an ; and this doe s no h arm
u nless s uch fo ndness is repugna nt t o his wife o r become s
exclusive of all ot he r pa rts of t he sexual act .

Likewi se referri ng t o case 5 1 0 the girl w ho volu nt arily

, ,

and e nt hu sia st ically performed fellat i o u ndoub t edly came

by t hi s craving fo r an abno rmal act through i nnocently
attemp ting somethi ng of thi s ki nd when she was six o r eight ,

wit h a boy of five o r six U ndoubt edly at fi rst no e rotic .

sensat io ns accompanied t his childish play L a t e r o u dur .

,

ing suc h act s or in imagi nat io n lo ng after they had b ee n

,

abando ned erot ic feelings were a ssociated wi t h them; and

,

in thi s way an act which is revolt i ng to u s became de sir a ble

t o her .

Just French demi monde and m any o f whomhave a

so the -
,

craving fo r t hi s p art icular prac tice u ndoubt edly acquired ,

t hi s cravi ng as a resul t of early fears of i m p regna t ion o r dis

ease which led t hem t o seek a less d angerou s way of satis
,

fying thei r pa rt ner s tha n the nat u ral o ne Soon thi s p rac .

t i c e which I ami nfo rmed is oft en repugnant t o its devo tee s

, , ,

at first become s more at tract ive than the natural sex act
, .

T hi s same p ri nciple applie s to the p artner in such ac t s ;

e g
. .
, I know a woman who d ivorced her hu sba nd ve ry ,

p roperly for t his re

, as o n H e a cqui re d while
. pa t r o ni z i ng ,

p ro st i tu te s in F r a nce su ch a cravi ng fo
, r fella t io which he ,

fi rst submi tted t o and t he n p re fe rred t o t he na tural act ,

,

t hat he demanded the same t hi ng of his wife when he c ame

h om e .

I did no t speak in the ch apt e r o n the pervers ions of

, ,

Sadi sm and M asochi sm T hei r genesi s is al so like that o f

.

the o t her pervers ions ment io ned ; and the re m ay be harm

l ess degrees of such c ravi ng If a p retense of whippi ng or .

of bei ng wh ipped o r a desire t o be roughly h andled o r

,

orde red abou t by eithe r husband o r wife is a heritage from

t heir e arly expe rience s wi th the wo rld it is gene r ally a ,

h a rmle ss dev iation to be underst oo d allowed for and com

, , ,

l ied wi t h If a cravi ng h as been a cqui red which i nvo lve s

p .
23 2 The Z rt o f Love

m
th e inflictio n o f o r sub ission t o gre at p ai n o r humiliat i o n,
m m
t he o ne d o inated b y such a perve ity is m o st u nfo rtu na te ,
th o ugh such a c o ndit i o n might o ften be cured by sych o lo gi
p
cal analys i s .

I
n all the se th i ngs th ere is a lesso n w arning Th e and a .

lesso n is th at m o de rate deviat i o ns f ro m the no rmal sex

c s s are t o be held in check ; and t h at slight deviat io ns

p ro e

th at c anno t be eradica ted s houl d be reasoned o u t be twee n

h u sbands and wive s and so adj u st ed that the re is pleasure
fo r bot h and hu miliatio n fo r nei ther .

The w arning is that all children sh o uld be kept as far as

s ible fro mexpo su re t o s it u atio n wh ich m a e t abli sh a
p o s s y s

c raving f o r sex pract ices which are no t reco gnized as nat u

ra l o r fi tting If su
. ch a t endency has appeared every ,

e fi o rt sh o uld be m ad e to keep t he individu al fromsi tuat io ns

which w o uld strengthen such a t endency ; and any excessive
sexu a l tensio n wh ich is su re to lead to much ment al imagery
,

co ncerning any sexu al acts which h ave come wit hin the
individu al s expe rience should be di scou raged ; and psycho
’

l o gical aid should be sought befo re ma rriage by all those

who are no t su re th at t hei r sex instincts are rea sonably
no rm al.

N o o p o rtuni ty is given to t h ank the anonym o u s aut hor

o f th e
“U nsolici ted L i fe Sto ry fo r his valu able co ntribu
”

t io n to the study o f sex .

I app reciate deeply th e m ot ives which led h imto this self

revealment H is o bj ect undoubtedly was t o hel p ot he r
.
, ,

y o ung men in th eir j o u rney along this th o rny p ath His .

o wn k een a nalysis saves m e any el a b o rate att em pt to draw

lesso ns fromhis sto ry .

I c an o nlny s ay he re o n th e possibl e ch ance of his seei ng

,

t h is t ha t I pers o nally th ank h im; and that m

,
any a young
man may well do th e same .

I also congratu lat e himth at th o ugh t ried by fi re o r as

, , ,

h e puts it, b y wate r wit h Scylla o n o ne side and Charybd is

, ,

o n th e o the r, h e h as c o me t h rough wi t h h is fu ndamental

inst i ncts clean and his ide als loft y and wi t h his body ,

unh armed though he h as had m any singeings o r duckings

, , .

A b rav e m an in th e war, an earnest o ne in livi ng rec o m ,

 CH A P TER m
M ORE SEX A N D CA S E HIS T O RIES

CASE 3 18 —T his ca se was

.
“
b riefly referr ed to in Six and
”
L ife, p 1.4 8 T h e full
. accou n t which follo ws , w as i nt
,
e nded
for that volume b ut by some accident w as omi tted
, .

Fem ale married twenty years t hree children

, , , .

A t the age of fiv e she lea rned t hat pressi ng herself against

t he co rner of a ch air gave her pleasurable sensat io ns She .

felt no shame abou t thi s even doi ng it some t imes in the

,

presence of her mother who never not iced it She cont in

, .

ued u nt il her marriage at t we nty at i ntervals t o press some

, ,

o bj ect agai nst her c li t oris u nt il she had an o rgasm S he .

neve r had any sex i nstruct io n was marr ied aft e r a very ,

brief cou rtship t o a man who knew no more about sex t han
she did T hey had no i ntercourse the fi rst night and very
.
,

s eldom i ndulged in it sleepi ng apa rt mont hs at a t ime

, Ou .

t he rare occas io ns when t hey did have int e rcourse he never

uggested no r at t emp t ed any prelimina ries no t even kissi ng ,

her before th e act H e reached orgasm quickly and imme

.

d itely we nt t o sleep She neve r had a comple te orga sm in

.

i nte rcourse for nearly twent y yea rs t hough usually sh e ,

became somewha t exc ited and at time s had almos t unbearable

desire that kep t her awake all nigh t .

Her husband seemed cool and i ndi ff erent while she lo nge d ,

for love and felt t hat something essent ial was lacking in her
married life However, sh e made a desperat e st ruggle t o be
.

b right and cheerful She showed little t emper but felt

.
,

melancholy and irrit able much of th e t ime Her husband .

seemed cri t ical and moro se T here were days when he did .

no t speak t o her .

Seven years after her ma rriage she met a man wh o was

livi ng t emporarily in her vicinit y He also was married .
,
 M o re Sex and Case H is to riee 23 5

but away from wife He persi stent ly sought her s o c i

his .

ety, and finally decla red his love for her She was sur
p rised and asham
.

ed to find tha t she had bec o m e infat uate d

with him; but she told him he m us t go aw ay and never see
her agai n H e p ro t es ted but finally w ent
.
, .

She had no conscious ero t ic feel ing for thi s man but it ,

was fi ve years before she go t ent irely over lo ngi ng for his
p resenc e She t old her husband all abou t thi s epis ode at
.
,

t h e tim e and he w as very ni c e to her about it ; and in a way

,

it w as i ncumbent o n him to be so ; for at abo u t t his t ime he

had a similar experienc e w i th a you ng woma n which res ulted ,

in his bei ng mo re morose “ ”

glum and unc o nfi dential tha n
, ,

ever wi t h his wife when he w as at home T here w as no .

infid elit y in his c ase any more tha n there had b een in his
,

wife ; and he fi nally told her of his i nfa tuat io n j us t as she ,

h ad t old him of hers .

Some years later t he husba nd was away from home fo r

,

several mo nths . For some t i me befo re his depa rt ure thei r

rela t ions h ad been more st rai ned tha n ever T hey had had .

no i nt ercourse for some mo nt h s Whe n he left he ba rely

.

kissed her o n t he cheek A t this t ime she fully i ntend ed

.

never to live w i th him agai n .

A fter her hu sb and s depart ure she was u navoidably s ome

’

wha t in the compa ny of a man wh o soo n began t o show her

marked attention Before lo ng she d iscovered t o her sur
.
,

p rise and dismay th at she w as becomi ng fo nd of h im F o r

, .

som e time their rela tio ns were kep t o n a merely frie ndly
basis T hen a t ime came w hen be w ithout w arni ng clasped
.
, ,

her in his arms and kissed he r She e ndeavored t o repul se

.

him t old him she w as marri ed and w ould remai n fai thful to
,

her hu s band ; b ut b e fo re t he i ntervie w w as over he made her

admi t that she thought a grea t d eal of him A s there was .

no w ay for her t o avoid him entirely t he subs t ance of t hi s ,

i nte r view was repea ted o n o ne or more oc casio ns She had .

no ero t ic feeli ngs fo r him w he n wi th h im bu t did have at ,

t im es when she though t of him w hen he w as abse nt .

Fi nally circum s t anc es w ere such that they we re alone

t oge t her for s everal ho urs and he beca m e very much exci ted
sexually though he d id no t p ropose i ntercou rse A t the
, .
23 6 T he A rt o f L o ve

t ime s he
did no t know of his condi t ion no r that he was ,

fi ghting desperat ely t o cont rol him self .

Her husband had always been so calm and contai ned and
undemonst ra t ive tha t she did no t realiz e that men were capa
ble of desires d iffi cult t o co nt rol Soon they were agai n .

alo ne t oge ther St ill no t reali z ing that t he re was any dan
.

ger since she had no erot ic desire she did no t repulse him
, ,

w hen he kissed her He then began atte mpt ing o t her famil i
.

arit ies which sh e pe rs is t ently tried t o avoid

, Fi nally afte r .
,

many a tt empts b e sei z ed h er and made desperate eff o rts fo r

,

more tha n an hou r t o subdue h er She h ad no e rot i c feel .

ing and resis te d him t h roughou t ; bu t he finally did touch her

private s with his peni s and immediat ely h ad an orgasm .

T his was the ext ent of t heir sexual contact which was neve r ,

r epea t ed He was much ashamed and apologi z ed humbly

.

t h e next day She did no t bl ame him as much as she did

.

h erself si nce she no w saw clea rly t ha t it was pa rtially he r

,

fault t hat he had attempted int e rcourse .

T hough she had been married nearly t went y yea rs she ,

no w fi rst u nders t ood th e re al sex nature of a m an and that ,

under some circum sta nces it might become u ngo vernable .

Now she e nte red a sta te of ne rvou s depression with self .

repro aches eve r uppermost in her mind When her self .

cont rol w as nea rly lo st and she thought ins ani t y inevi table
, ,

her husb and returned and bega n to t reat her difl erently
from ever befo re H e t old her tha t he loved her and wanted
.

to live wi t h her and t hat he coul d no t live withou t her ,

,

w he reupon sh e t old him abou t this s econd infatuat ion in

detail except th e m an s name and his att empt at inter
,
’

cou rse She resolved to go o n and try to do her du t y as

.

a wife Her husband neve r rep roached her fo r her act io ns

.

and w as otherwi se considerate H e was mo re frequent in

.

s exual a tt e nt io ns ; and t hough sh e go t no comple te sat is fac

t io n life was o n the whole s om
, , ewh at bett er th an it h ad
,

bee n .

At t hi s ju nctu re she consult ed a phy sici an who had h ad

large experience w i th couples si milarly situated She was .

found to be in bad physical condit ion Th e ut erus was .

enl a rged a nd prolapsed The ce rvix was ero ded, and sh e

.
23 8 The Art o f Lo ve

belief t h at sex relat ions w ere u nnecessary inju rions and ,

unw o rthy resolved t o be very moderate in sexual relat ions

,
.

He also t hough t t ha t t his w as nece ssary because his w ife

was no t s t rong H e made no proposal of i ntercou rse th e
.

fi rst nigh t and for several weeks afte r t his whe never he
, ,

att empt ed i nt ercourse he had an e missio n before penet rat io n .

H e at tempted no prelimi nary exci t at io n of his wife si nce he ,

knew nothi ng abou t such thi ngs H e supposed t hat h is .

wi fe go t all the s at isfac t io n a w oman w as expected to have ,

s i nce she t ook every t h ing cal m ly and made no complai nt .

T heir life t o ge t her was no t very sat isfac t o ry b u t he s aw ,

no way t o improve condi t io ns L ater h e saw tha t she w as

.
,

u nder some res tra int and that she was no t in full sympa thy
with him .

A s she became i rri t able he became mo ro se She was no t .

well afte r the bi rt h of her fi rst child ; and he in order t o ,

s t ill furt her reduce t he frequency of int ercourse as he ,

t hought necessary o n accou nt of her heal th slept apa rt from ,

her seve ral mo nth s at a t ime o n several occa sions When .

e ver he became demo ns t ra t ive in a ff ect io n he fou nd s elf

cont rol h arder t o accomplish S o he hardly ever ki ssed o r

.

caressed her T he leucorrho e a which his w ife h ad devel

.

o ped dis t urbed his aes thet ic sense at t he t ime s of thei r

infreque nt i ntercourse T his and the lack of re sponse from
.
,

his wife t ended t o make his desi re less and le ss .

When she became i nfatua ted w it h another man he could ,

no t u nde rst and how o ne w hom b e suppo sed t o be a happy

w ife and mot her could so far forget her vows as t o do su ch
a t hi ng. H e brooded much over t h is u nt il she t old him of
h er i nfa tuat ion w hen he os te nsibly forgave it all and neve r
, ,

reproach ed her bu t cont i nued t o cri t ici se in h is mi nd

, .

Soon be havi ng no male friend in whom to c o nfide and

, ,

feeling the need of human sympathy regardi ng h is domest i c

rela t io ns fo rmed an acq
, uai ntance w ith a you ng woman who
showed an i nt eres t in him and h is work A s t he frie ndship
.

rog re ssed he co nfided t o her his family t rouble s A ft er

p , .

frequent meet i ngs and some corresponde nce he began to ,

r eali ze the mu tual att r ac t ion and the da nge r of it ; and t he

afi air was broken o f and he made a clea n bre ast of thi s t o

'

,
 Mo re S ea: and Case H is toriee 23 9

h is wife acknowledgi ng h is fault D ome st ic m atters were

, .

be t ter fo r a t ime but neit her repo sed full co nfidence in th e

,

ot her and they aga in d rift ed fa rthe r and fa rthe r apa rt

,

u nt il the t ime of his leavi ng home for seve ral mont hs when ,

he kissed her go odbye o n t he cheek thinki ng never to live ,

wit h her agai n .

H e k new from her letters that somethi ng was wrong ; b ut

he craved love and sympa t hy and felt that he mu st have it
from someo ne ; so before his return he w ro te her an appeal
, ,

ing and for him a very lovi ng lett er

, , She w as t ouched by .

it and o n h is ret u rn t old him of her las t i nfat uat ion and
promised him though she was no t sure that sh e loved him as
,

she ought t hat she would do her bes t t o be a good wife

,

t o him .

Duri ng h is absence he heard and read thi ngs which co n

vinc ed him t ha t he did no t u nderstand very well th e c o n

duct of sex relat ions no r a woman s sexual need s A fter his ’

.

retu rn he attempt ed more frequent sex relat ions S t ill as .

,

t he re was no complete u nderst andi ng and no a tt empt at ,

prelimi nary exci ta tion b e merely excited and tant ali zed her,
,

while thi nki ng that he gave her perfect sat i sfact ion .

T hi s bri ngs t h e na rrat ive down to th e t ime when th e

physician was consulte d Bot h s t ories were t old t o th e
.

physician ; and wi th mutual consent he to ld each the other s ’

st ory Whe n the husband heard the wife s he said She “ ’

.
,
”
t o o has been t hrough Hell The phy sici an a scertained
.

t ha t e ach loved t he o the r and as su red each t o t h at effe c t

,

befo re they had become suffi cient ly reacqu aint ed t o convi nce
each o ther of th is desi rable accompaniment of home life .

I believe t he les so ns t aught by t his case to be very valu

able M any couple s drift apa rt and o ne o r both pa rtie s go
.
,

as t ray bec au se the re h as been to o lit tle exp ression of the

,

sexual emot ion wit hou t which there cannot be pe rfect co n

,

fi dence no r int i m at e companionship A rei ntroduct ion t o .

each other and some traini ng in t he art of love was all th at

was nece ssa ry in o rde r to make of themthe h app iest k ind o f
married love rs .

P erhaps it will no t be amis s to b riefly m ent ion the methods

which led to thei r final pe rfect mat ing after h avi ng made a
2 40 The A rt o f L o ve

failure of marriage for t wenty yea rs A ft e r th e hu sba nd .

l earned tha t it was necessary to produce excit ement in h is

w ife before i ntercourse he firs t a ttempt ed t it illat io n of t he
,

b reast s ; bu t t hese did no t prove at all sensit ive Next in .

,

addi t ion to t h e ordi nary cares ses of cou rts hip he essayed ,

t o t i t illate t h e cli t o ris T his produced i ns t antaneous

.

results T en minu t es of t his prelimi nary followed by fi fteen

.
,

mi nu tes of u nion almos t i nvariably resul ted in her havi ng a

perfect orgasm If oc c a sio nally she could no t a c complish
.

t hi s two or th ree m
, oment s of manual manipulation by her
h u sband w ould ac co mplish this necessary result
—
.

C AS E 5 00 M y mother was a school teacher before mar

.
~

riage a nd came from an old New E ngland li ne of a nte

cedents who were mo stly school t eachers and college pro
f ess o rs She was in perfec t ly heal t h duri ng her w hole life and
.

d ied at th e age of sixty tw o wi th mas to idi t is

-
T hree of my .

mothe r s brothers o ut of a family of ni ne boys and three

’

g irls died of t uberculosis T h e res t of t h e

. family w ere per
f ec tly h ea lthly and s tro ng bo th ment ally and physically
, .

M y fat her came from a good old Sco t ch P resby teri an

family and h as bee n in good health all his life wi th th e
except io n of a few a tt acks of lumbago twenty fi ve or thirt y -

years ago H e is no w sevent y five years old and as yet h is

.
-
, , ,

act ivi ty is no t at all aff ected by age .

I amfo rty five years of age and in good health have been
-
,

ma rried fifteen years and have four children I have t wo

, .

s is t ers who have bee n st ro ng and healt hy f rom t heir i nfa ncy

t o th e present t ime I was delica t e u nt il abo ut fourt een

.

years of age but have been in fair health ever si nce wi t h a

, ,

t e ndency t ow ard i ncreased vigo r up to th e prese nt t m e I .

have h ad some sex passion as far back as my earlies t rec o l

lection which was abou t five yea rs of age A t the age of
, .

t h ree my pa rent s moved from t h e Eas t t o t h e backwoods of

,

we ste rn Ca nad a whe re at t hat t ime th e cou nt ry w as so

, ,

s parsely settled t ha t I and my t wo s i st er s o ne t wo years

older and the ot her tw o years you nge r t han myself ) did
no t have oth e r childre n t o play w i th T herefo re my o nly .
,

p l ayma t e s w ere my sis t ers .

M y mot her was of the very bes t moral characte r and t ried
2 42 The A rt o f Love

an orgasm fo r ei ther of us I was eleven and she th irt een

.

when this happe ned and t his w as th e only t ime I had c o m

,

l te connect io n wi th eit he r of my si sters Oft en when in

E gat night the girls would have me play wit h their organs
.
,

, ,

w hich th ey seemed t o enj oy When I w as seven years old,

my oldest sister in bed o ne night sugges t ed that I suck her
.

, ,

cli t ori s T hi s I did a number of t imes for bot h of the girls

. ,

bu t I finally di sco nt i nued t his pract ice as t he odor of t he ir ,

organs no t havi ng been cleans ed for the occasio n was off e n

, ,

s ive t o me M y oldest s is te r t ried to persuade me t o perfo rm

.

t he s ame act aft e r wa rds as she no doubt derived much

,

e nj oyment from it o n account of her bei ng at that t ime

,

ni ne years old and much more developed sexually T hese .

familiarit ie s wi t h my oldes t sis ter las ted u nt il she was four

t ee n and I was t welve T hen sh e went a way from home t o
.

s ch ool . T h e i nt imacy wi th the you nger sis ter la sted unt il I

was thi rteen and she was eleve n .

Wh en I was thi rteen I spent a month wi t h some people

where t he re was a boy of my o wn age H e was from t own .

and k new more abou t sex matt ers t ha n I did While sleep .

ing to ge ther o ne night he i nit iat ed me i nt o th e act of m as

tu rb at io n an ac t which be fore thi s was u nk nown t o me
,
.

Whe n the orgasm came it th rilled me so t ha t I t hought I

w ould fai nt I re ali z ed then for the first t ime why a nimals
.

bec ame so excit ed ove r sexual i ntercourse No semen came .

for more than a yea r afte r thi s and the n o nly a few drop s at
,

t ime which gr aduall y inc reased t o th e normal amou nt

'

.
,

A s soo n as I had lea rned the se nsa t io n of mas t u rb at ion

and was t old t hat it w as the same sensa t io n as t hat pro
du ced by i nt e rcours e wi th a female I made up my mind t o ,

t ry the na t u ral sexual act wi t h m y you nge r s is t e r at th e fi rs t

oppo rtunit y afte r returning home When I expl ai ned the .

wonde rful delight of my experience t o her sh e was willing ,

t o t ry it ; so we we nt up i nt o t he hay loft and she made ready

for me I shall never forge t how it t hrilled me when sh e
.

expo sed her organs A lth o ugh I had played wi t h them

.

o ft e n th e s igh t o f t hem had never given m

, e su ch a thrill no r
cau sed such a rigid erectio n I mounted her and a tt emp ted
.

int er co urse , bu t it wo uld no t enter

. A fter so m e c o ntinued .
 M o re S ex and Cas e His to ries

and pers iste nt efl o rt o n my part she sudde nly seemed to

'

be st ruck wit h a se nse of shame and thre w me o ff and refused

t o allow it I tried t o plead with her but all to no eff ect
. .

T h at was th e last t ime t hat I had t h e privilege of view i ng

her privat e parts From that t ime o n both sis ters seemed
.
,

t o develop a sense o f shame and t hey would no t allow any

fu rther familiari ty .

T hey grew up to be very respect able women bo t h ac tive ,

church workers T hey are no w the p roud mo t hers of very

.

p romisi ng s o ns and d aughte rs in high school and college .

I never had any way of knowi ng whet her my oldes t sis ter
ever pr act c e any form of sex gr atifi cat io n for we moved to
-
,

t own about the t ime our i nt imacy ceased ; and the n I spent
mos t of my t ime wi th boys while my sist e rs went with the
,

girls T his meant t ha t we we re seldom by ourselves and

.
,

as th ey d eveloped an at t i tude that commanded res p ec t I ,

soo n refrai ned ent i rely from even me nt ioni ng a nything

regardi ng sex matt ers in their presence O ne su mmer morn .

ing o n arisi ng I passed th e ope n door of my you nger sis t er

, , ,

and surp rised her in wh at I af t er w ard decided was the ac t

of self sexual gratific at io n She w as at that t ime a big
.

r obus t girl of thi rt ee n A s I passed her doo r she was lyi ng

.

o n her back in bed the foot of which w as t owa rds me ; sh e

,

had all t he covers th ro wn o ff w i th her night d ress raised to

,

her breas ts and in this posi t ion sh e was vigo rously mas
,

sagi ng her sexual o rga ns with her h and A s soo n as sh e .

saw me sh e cove red herself at o nce At th at t ime I did no t .

know t ha t girls eve r did o r even could mas tu rbate T h is .

sight threw me i nt o a treme ndou s passion whi ch l as ted for

more tha n an hou r A ft er it was t o o lat e I regret ted th at I
.

h ad no t gone in t o he r and given her an orgas min the na tu

ral way which I fel t su re she mu st h ave wa nt ed ; bu
,
t I had
no idea at tha t t ime th at she could expe rie nce an o rgasm
without th e help of a man or boy A s it ap peared t o me .

t hen th e sexual act wi th her could have no b ad re s u

, lt for ,

I k new th at she h ad no t yet ma t ured : and I h ad suffic ient

knowledge o n such m att e rs b y tha t t i me to know tha t co n
c ept io n could o nly occu r in a matu red gi rl My de s ire w as .

no t o nly fo r s elf gratifi catio n bu t I fel t a st ro ng desi re t o

,
2 44 T he A r t o f L o ve

i nt roduce her t o a delight which I supposed she had nev e r

t as te d .

A fter movi ng t o t o wn at t he age of thirt ee n I often s aw ,

t he boys mas t urbat e ; and u nt il I married at th e age o f

t hi rty I mas tu rba t ed regu
, larly abou t th ree t imes a wee k ,

v ery seldom more oft e n and occasio nally I w ould no t i ndul g e

,

for a w eek ( O nc
. e I gave it up for t hree mo nt hs a n d ,

a nother t ime for a year while I had access to a verv pas

s io nate girl
) .

At the age of six t een I lea rned of th e supposed bad c fl ec t s

'

of t he habi t of masturba t ion by readi ng some of D r P ierce s , .

’

lite rature T hi s alarmed me very much and especially s o

.

owi ng t o the fact t hat I was always disposed of self imp ro x e

ment For about ten years I co nst antly worried abou t t hi s
.

h abi t and made most desperate e ff o rt s t o give it up b ut ,

w i thou t succe ss A t t hi s age ( 1 6 ) I had my fi rst experie nc e

.

wi t h a pros t i t u te She w as yo ung and a tt ract ive and gue ssed

.

tha t it was my fi rst experience She succeeded in gett ing me

.

t o a ck nowledge before the act was begu n that I had never

bee n w ith a woman before T his seemed t o throw her int o a .

fit of sexual passio n and she made me s t rip perfe c tly nude

,

and she did so h erself aft er whi c h she t hrew me o nto th e bed
, ,

and the re t ant ali zed me and herself u nt il w e w ere bo t h in a

furiou s passio n Fi nally she allowed me t o mount her and
.
,

we t he n w ent through a mos t excit ing t ime du ri ng which I ,

had the mos t powerful orgasm I had ever experienced and she
had t wo From tha t t ime o n I went t o pro st i tut es as often
.

as I could a ff ord it thi nking it w ould do me no harm b ut

, ,

that it would enable me t o break o ff th e habi t of mas turba

t ion . But it did no t w ork o u t as I had expec t ed Whe n I .

grew older I reali zed tha t my failure in this was really my

success ; for b ad I been financially able to vi sit t hese women
,

wi th suffi cient frequency to enable me to discont i nue the habit

I was addic ted to I no doubt would have become di se ased and
,

fo rever rui ned .

A s it w as I had left home at th e age o f sixteen and

,

launched o ut t o make my o wn way in the world T his was .

in the year o f 1 891 whe n it was very hard t o m ake a livi ng

wi th condit io ns as t hey we re th en I fo u nd it most difi cu lt .
246 The A rt o f Lo ve

grat fi c at io n during the o ne yea r that I lived with thi s girl .

Wh ile maki ng my home t here I di scove red that t he moth e r,

and the boy slep t t ogether and the daugh t er i nformed me

,

t hat th e mother w as givi ng the boy t rai ni ng in sexu al i nte r

cou rse T hi s family w as no t of t he class from which I h ad
.

come ; b ut aside from t heir sexual habi t s they were respe ct ,

able and well behaved people T o have known them in a

-
.

s ocial way o ne would never have gue ssed t hat t heir ho m

,
e

relat io ns were an
y di ff ere nt from t h o se of any re s pec t abl e

family T hey were no t at all vulgar and would make a go o d

.
,

average i mpres sion anywhere .

A fter t h i s I left S an Fra ncisco whe re t his experienc e ,

occu rred ; and fo r several yea rs I roved abou t a great deal ,

fi nally having bee n in almost every s t a t e in t he U nion .

Wh eneve r I remained for any lengt h of t ime in a place I ,

planned t o get acquainted and t o a ssociate wi th t he bes t

cla ss of people I always att ended chu rch and po ssessed
.

mo re t han an average amount of p ride and disliked lo w ,

compani o ns ; yet in the Wes t where I S pent t h e most o f my

,

y o u ng ma nhood in the l arge r ci ties it was very easy t o go

,

in t he bes t of socie ty and st ill have a lady frie nd u sually a ,

you ng o r middle aged widow who had sexual needs and with
-
,

wh o m I could spend some of my t ime wit hou t the kno wledge

of my f riends .

A fte r reachi ng the age of t went y I reali zed th e da nger of

rela t ions wi th pro sti tutes and took advantage o f suc h
oppo rtu ni ties as were available among such women as I h ave
j ust ment ioned However though these alliances helped
.
,

some y,et t o, m ai nt ai n a g ood repu ta t io n it w as n eces sa ry ,

t o have a clea r c o nsc ence Consequent ly I h ad to depend

.
,

o n ma sturbat i o n fo r sex gr a t ificat io n a grea ter part of t he

‘

t im e.

At the age of t went y five I began t o t ake a great i nte re st

-
,

in P hysiology and in Hygiene and read and s t udied every ,

t hing I could obt ai n in t he li ne of medical bo oks In thi s .

way I learned the nature of the sexual act and always hav ,

ing h ad a dispo sit io n to reason and p rove o u t t h eo rie s rathe r

t h an sw allow t hemwhole I at o nce att ack ed t he subj ect of
,

mastu rb ation in th i s way A lth o ugh I could fi nd nothi ng

.
 M o re S ea
: and Case H isto ries 247

at th at t ime excep t t he stro nge st co ndem nat io n of all arti

fi c ial means of sex gratifi c atio n, yet my facul t y of reason
ing could no t convi nce me th at th ere could be any grea t
di ff erence between the eff ect of art ifi cial sex grat ifi c at io n and
t h e natural way A ft e r I had arrived at this conclusio n, the
.

s t rai n of wo rry u nder wh ich I had bee n for t en years was

relieved .

A t thi s t ime I had become quite nervous , which nervou s

ne ss I had alway s believed was caused by mas turbat ion ; bu t
onc e my mind w as at case o n thi s poi nt, the nervous symp
to ms gr adually disappeared , u nt il in a few years there w as
no t race of ymp t om s of u ns teady nerves
any s T his .

improvement was no t due t o mendi ng my w ays in regard t o

t h e habi t ; fo r i ns te ad of decreasi ng t his pract ice I resort ed
, ,

t o it alt oget her in order th a t I migh t more co nscient iously

,

live up to t he s ocial s ta nding which I mai nt ained It always .

t roubled me more or les s to be havi ng relat ions wi t h women

while po s ing in th e be st s ociet y and bei ng a regular chu rch
att endant .

A t the age of t we nt y ni ne I m et a girl of eigh teen who

-

came from a very excellent family We kept company wit h .

e ach o t her for o ne year and t hen marr ied M y fi rst knowl .

edge of t he fact that a woma n could produce an orgas m

while awake wit hout any fric t ion o n th e sex orga ns was
when I o nce before ma rriage held my wife t o be in my arms
, ,
- -

firm ly p ressing her agai ns t my body and passionately ki ss

, ,

ing her at th e same t ime A s her orga sm occurred it w as

.
,

evidently so i nt ense that she could no t cont rol her nerves ,

and sh e be t rayed herself by a quiveri ng mo t io n of her body

and sligh t movements of th e lower par t s I ventu red to ask
.

her if I had cau sed her t o expe rience wh at I supposed she

h ad and sh e blushi ngly co nfessed
, I could but humbly ask
.

h er pa rdon and a ssu re her tha t t o cau s e her any such experi
ence w as no t my i ntent io n and tha t I never k new that such
,

a t hi ng was possible .

On o u r wedding nigh t sexual i ntercou rse was accomplished

tw ice each act re sult i ng in a sat i s facto ry orgas m fo r bot h

,

of na The success of this fi rst experience was no doubt due

.
, ,

t o the f act t h at m ore t h an an hour was spent in p repara

2 48 T he A rt o f L ove

t ion
. Th i s
prepa rat ion began with a session of passio nat e
kisses t hen gradu ally progressi ng to ward handli ng t h e
,

brea sts and t hen to feeling her female organs while she s at
, ,

o n my lap wi t h her clot h es o n A fter I had evide nce t ha t.

s he w as h ighly exci t ed I began u ndressi ng her and to my

, ,

su rp rise she made very li ttle resi stance T herefore I c an .

t i nned u nt il I h ad laid her o n t he bed in t he glare of th e

electric light perfectly nude She was of a naturally mod
, .

es t disposi t ion and woul d never have allowed such an exh i

,

b it io n of her cha rm s th e fi rst night had I no t firs t

go t her i nt o

s uch a state of sexual exci teme nt as t o cau se h er t o almo s t

lo se h er se nse of modes ty L then u ndre ssed as qui ckly as .

pos sible and j oined her o n the bed in th e same c o ndi tion .

She even allowed a th orough inspect ion of her sexual organs

before int ercourse T hi s was something I great ly de sired
.
,

for I reali z ed that it was my la st O pport unit y t o look o n t he

o rga ns of a virgi n Al t hough she had never had i ntercourse
.

before I did no t have as much diffi culty in pe rformi ng th e

,

act as I had expecte d ; however it t ook abo u t five mi nut e s ,

t o eff ect t h e complet e penet rat ion T hi s gave h er sligh t .

pain but she assured me th at after the connect io n was

, ,

made the re was only the mo st delight ful feeli ng She was
, .

ra t her awkward in performing h er pa rt of the act at first ,

bu t learned rapidl y .

For the fi rst mo nth we had inte rcou rse ev ery night which ,

result ed in h er impregnat io n ; fo r sh e did no t mens t ruat e

aft er o u r ma rriage u nt il s everal mo nth s aft er t he bi rt h of

o u r fi rst child A s soon as sh e k new t hat she was pregnant

.
,

s he lo st all de s ire fo r co nnec t ion and p r o tes t ed vigorously ,

against it At that time I supposed that that was the at t i

.

t ude of most women when in t hat condi t ion ; and I t hen

b elieved as I do no w t hat no wom
, an should be forced t o do
,

t h is act when it was repugnant t o h er We t hen cease d to .

copulate unt il about o ne month aft e r th e child was born ,

du ring which t ime I made a de spe rat e eff ort to cont ain
my self but as usu al fa iled and again resorted to mastur
, , , ,

b e t iou A ft e r h er first mo nth of honeymoon de si re was sat is

.

fi ed she never seemed to require as much sexu al gratifi cat io n

,

as I did ; so rat he r th an m ,ar the love t hat exi sted be tw een

25 0 The Art o f L o ve

in the same gent le manne r u ntil my wife groaned wi th deligh t

and i nformed me t hat it was t he most pleasurable feeli ng
t ha t she had ever experienced She regre tted very much that
. .

it was no t po ssible t o co u ple this performance wi th t he na t u

ral act We cont i nued t he act for half an hour at t imes
.
,

s to ppi ng for a mi nu t e for the purpose of p reventi ng h er

,

from get ti ng t o o near the point of orgasm For variat i o n .

,

I als o let my t ongue play along the inside lips fi rst o ne sid e ,

and then the o ther and als o dragged the t ongue along t h e
,

bott om of t he vest ibule from the vagi na to the cli t o ri s .

A no t her fo rm of this play which appealed t o my wife w as t o

draw in t he cli tori s wi th as much of the adj acent lips
my mouth would hold o r in other w ords I would t ake a
, , ,

mouthful of t he delica t e pa rts i ncluding th e cli to ris and

, ,

hold thempe rfectly st ill with a strong suct ion for a m inu t e .

T hi s would give such a se nse of pleasu re t h at her i nt ens e

feeli ng could be detect ed by a slight quivering of the whole
body and sometimes by a vigorous movement of he hips
, .

I n t his act she always helped mo re or les s by a movement

of her hips which she could re gul a t e t o h er o wn sat is
,

fa ct ion for my body was no t upon her and she was perfect ly
,

f ree A fter a h alf hou r of this i ntense exci tement she

.
,

i nformed me t hat she could stand it no longer and she ,

i ns is ted o n an orgasm T hen I mou nted her and with o ne

.
,

furiou s plune I inse rt ed my ahno st burst ing penis i nt o her

,

vagi na which was virt ually fle wi ng wi t h lubricat ing fluid

,
.

Only a few furious mot i o ns o n h er part as well as mi ne

s erved to b ri ng for bo th of u s at ident ically th e s ame i nst a nt

t h e mos t plea su rable orga sm we had ever experienced .

ever aft er th at did I hesi t ate t o suggest t hi s act and

, , ,

never was it refused whe n she felt any sexual need .

St ill I was u ncert ain as t o whether it was right o r no t

unt il I recently fou nd a medical work which indorsed thi s
met hod of fem ale excitat ion Later I read a bo ok writ t en
.

by a well known medical autho ri ty in which he de scribed th is

-

act and clai m ed t hat it was often p rac ticed by girls in young
la die s nu ’
nnerie s in fe m ale
, p riso ns and in ha rem s H i,
s .

c omme nt s o n t his p rac t ice were t ha t when pract iced between,

fem ales t o the complet e gratificatio n o f the passi o n this ,

 M o re S ew and Case H is to ries 25 1

was no t harmful and that the wors t tha t could be said of it

,

was that it might if pract iced to exce ss co me t o be preferred

, ,

t o nat ural i nt ercourse wi t h a man in co u rse of t ime Si nce , .

I have learned h o w some of the leadi ng m ed ical auth ori t ies

look upon thi s act my conscie nce h as c ea sed t o be in any
,

w ay dist rubed over it I c an say that thi s o ne method has

.

added a gr ea t deal of pleasure and happi nes s t o our mar

riage relat io ns .

Now comes t he quest ion : What eff ec t has all this sexual
experience h ad upo n me ? T his is d iffi cult t o ans wer and ,

co nclus ions can only be arrived at by looki ng myself ove r

at th e p resent t ime in o rder t o de tect any apparent weak
ness if t here is any I have no way of decidi ng what I might
.

have bee n b ad I lived ot he rwise .

T h e followi ng will speak for i ts elf

I bega n life as a rat her delica t e child and remained so
u ntil about fourteen years of age A t abou t the age of .

t welve my p are nt s were afraid th at I would go i nt o c o n

sump t io n. I bega n t o im prove in health at thirteen or four
t een and never had much t rouble du r i ng you ng ma nhood ,

wi t h th e except io n of ne rv o us ne ss whi ch developed at abou t ,

t we nt y fi ve (thi s bei ng the period du r i ng which I w as much

-

dis tu rbed by t he belief that mas turba tion would ruin me ) .

However t his gradually dis appeared I h ave had four o r

, .

fi ve cases of si c kne s s s i nc e th e age of ma turi ty b u t these ,

were o nly t empo r ary and my general heal th has gradually

,

improved si nce my b o y ho o d T oday at the age of fort y five .

,
-
,

I amin excellent h e al th and look somewhat younger t han the

,

average man at th at age regardless of the fact t ha t from ,

t he age s of t h i rty t w o t o for ty t w o I const antly ove r worked

- -
.

P h y si c ally I h ave c o lor and as good a complexio n as I have

,

had at any t ime d uri ng m y whole life .

A s to my m ent al c o nd i ti o n it was alwa y s ea sy for me t o ,

lea r n while in school al though I had but li ttle public school

,

education I s tart ed school at th e age of eigh t and left at

.

fi ft een aft er which I made m y o w n livi ng a w ay fr o m ho m

,
e .

Duri ng my you ng manh o o d I t o o k up and m as t ered several ,

li nes of s tudy all of whi ch I le arned very rapidly although

, ,
2 52 The Art o f Lo ve

s ome of these courses were pursued wit h great difliculty .

T hese st u d iees did no t i nt erfere wi th posi t ions which I held .

Duri ng my whole career I was very ambi t ious and ai med

t o be second t o no ne wherever I w as employed I mas tered
—
.

all th e linces of t he wood worki ng t rade and finished in t h e

buildi ng tr ades as an archit ect I then t ook up di ff e re nt
.

lines o f met al work and succeeded in es tabli shing my self in

,

mecha nical e ngi neeri ng I t hen went into bus iness o n a sh o e

.

s t ri ng so t o speak ; and no w aft er t welve years in busi nes s

, , ,

I cont rol a manufac tu ri ng plant the produ ct fromwhich is

,

sold in nearly all ci v ili z ed pa r ts of th e world .

What I have accompli shed h as been done si ngle handed -

,

and I have alway s bee n to o i ndependent t o accept assis ta nc e

f rom any f riend o r rel at ive si nce I w as fi ft een years old .

Now at the age of forty five I have suffi c ient ambit ion left
,
-
,

t o be mak ing pla ns t o take up a medical cou rse I st ill .

fi nd it as easy t o lea rn as ever and my memo ry which h as

, ,

alway s been excellent is st ill k een, .

With regard t o my sexual power it h as no t begun to wane , ,

bu , t o n th e cont r a ry it is s t ronger t ha n it h as been at any

,

t ime duri ng my wh o le life U p t o t he age of t hi rty I coul d

.

no t i ndulge in sex grat ificat io ns more oft e n t han fou r o r fi v e

t imes a week wi th ou t no t ici ng bad e ff ec t s w hile at t he p rese nt ,

t ime I c an i ndulge t wice a day regularly fo r mo nth s at a

t ime without any appare nt bad re sult s I might add that .

t hi s excessive record c an be made duri ng th e spri ng and

summer mo nt h s bu t no t duri ng th e wi nt er In th e sexual ac t .

I have great e r control over my self than I have had at any

t ime du ri ng my whole life In i nt ercou rse I have li tt le dith
.

cult y in mee ting my wife in t h e climax whethe r she be slow o r ,

fast .

My present stat e of good health lead s me t o feel diff erent ,

wi th rega rd t o th e e ff ects of mas tu rb at ion tha n I did in ,

former years for I believe that my experience proves t h e

,

t heory adva nced by th e older sch o ol of medical writers t ha t

t he bad re sul ts from m asturbat ion as th ey are pict u red , ,

are greatly exagger at ed by them and t hat t hey are greatl y ,

in err or T hey claim t hat the h abi t weakens and de st roy s

.

th e passio n In my c ase my p assi o n has inc reas ed

. T hey .
2 54 The A r t o f Lo ve

abou t eigh t and an older girl gave her and her brot her three
y ears you nger some sex i n forma t io n ; b ut sh e does n o t t hi nk
s h e was mas t urbat ed at t h at t ime Her next reco ll e ct ions o f
.

s ex experie nces are wi t h a girl of her o wn age A t this t ime .

her mo ther w as employed in a dress ma ki ng shop ; and it w as -

t h e girl s du ty t o do cert ai n housework o n ret urni ng fro m

’

s chool She usually had th e girl abo ve referred t o who was

.
,

her next door neighbor help her O u t hese o ccasio ns t h is

-
, .

girl and she used to get t ogether o n the bed in mut ual grat i
fi cat io n of their passio ns T heir method of i ndulgence w as
.

mu t ual li cking of the clit oris also by so arrangi ng th em

,

s elvees o n th e bed as t o bri ng t heir privat e orga ns t oge t her ,

aft e r which wi th a fi rm pre ssu re wi t h th e organs in co ntac t

t hey would begi n a movement of t heir hips which caused
su ffi c ient fric t ion of t he sensi t ive t is sues t o produce an
o rgasm She t hi nks that this i nt imacy las ted for about a
.

y ear af
, ter which th e o t h er girl moved away T heir in d u
.l
g en ce was abou t t w o o r t hree t im ees a week A t t heir . las t
meet ing nei ther of them had yet reached puberty Sho rtly .

aft er this expe rience she t ried several t imes t o have se xual
int e rcourse with her brot her wh o was o nly ni ne or t en years
,

old T hir at tempts always failed as they would imagi ne

.
,

t hey hea rd someo ne comi ng when he w as about to e ff ec t an

e nt ra nce .

Once at the age of fou rteen sho rtly afte r her fi rst mens
,

t ru at io n a neighbor boy of eigh t ee n came t o th e house whe n

,

s h e w as alo ne and t ried t o get her t o go i nt o th e wood she d -

and have i nt e rcourse b u , t she was afrai d t o do so although ,

t he sugge st io n caused her t o become very pas sio nat e S he .

r emembe rs of bei ng pa ssio nat e ever si nce her exp rience wi t h

t he girl b u t doe s no t k now her condi t io n p reviou s t o th at

, ,

o r whet he r sh e ever experie nced an orgasm before th e age of

t welve A ft er th e age of pube rt y she developed a sense of

.

modesty and felt that sex acts were wrong T herefor sh e .

o nly i ndulged in m ast urba t ion when the passion was st rong ,

usually when taking a bath Th e excitement was b rought o n

.

when bathing her private part s as she always used her fin ,

ers i nst ead of a spo nge or wa shcloth as t hey were n t

g , o so

ro ught and c o nseque ntly no t so i rri tat i ng t o th e t e nde r p art s

, .
 M o re Sex and Case Histo ries 2 55

She soaped h er fi ngers and worked t hem arou nd be tw een th e

lip s and the clit oris so as t o thoroughly clean every part .

B y the t ime she had eve ry thi ng clean and s we et as she t erms ,

it her pa ssio ns were so aroused t ha t she could no t resis t t he

,

t emp t at ion t o co nt i nue t h e ma nipulat io n T his t ickli ng o f

.

th e pa rt s gave her grea t pleasure and she would cont i nue it

u nt il she was in a tremendou s s t a t e of pas sion Then she .

would t ake any available ins t rument usually a hairbr u , sh

ha ndle and i nse rt it int o the vagina when she would work
, ,

it back and fo rt h unt il t he orgasm was e ff ec ted .

For some t ime she kept a sho rt piece of broom handle hid
away in th e bathroom for t his pu rpose She clai med tha t .

t he broom handle caused the grea tes t plea sure o n account of

it s more perfec t fit Duri ng these ac ts when opera t ing t he
.
,

i nst rument in the vagina she claims t o have enj oyed it most
,

whe n ins t it ut i ng at the same t ime a moveme nt of her hips ,

as if reachi ng for th e male orga n Th e orgasm was some

.

t ime s so i nt ense tha t it w as wi t h d iffi cu lty tha t sh e could

re frai n from screami ng or groaning ; but t hese exclam at io ns
of j oy had t o be repressed as they would arouse th e sus
,

p ic io ns of her mo t her who, was usually in th e nex t r o om .

Du ri ng the ac t of mas t urbat i o n t houghts of t he you ng

man she most admired came She al way s wished to prolong
.

the act so as t o get the great est amou nt of cu o m b u

j y en t t ,

fo und this diflicult as she soon became so anxiou s fo r th e

,

orgasm She ofte n requi red two or th ree orga sms in suc
.

ce ssio n t o quiet her pas sions T h is rather even course of

.

procedure kep t up t ill she began t o keep compa ny with h er

futu re hu sband at the age of eigh t een Du ring her o ne yea r
.

o f courts hip , especially duri ng the last fou r month s t he ,

engagement pe riod her passion was greatly inc reased Often

, .

aft er her fi ancé had held her o n his lap i ndulgi ng her in p as
,

s io nate ki sse s p revious t o biddi ng her good night sh e woul d ,

be left in such a stat e of exci tement that after a time sh e

could only quiet herself by ma sturba t i ng t hree or four t imes
in succ ess sio n She claims that eve n t his exc essive indul gence
.

did no t s ee mto have any no ticeably bad eff ect She alway s .

expe rienced a feeli ng of relief and went o ff i nt o a sou nd

sleep fro mwhich she ro se in th e mo rning pe rfectly refre shed
, .
2 56 The Art o f L ow

She never worried abo ut the harmful results o f th e practice

because she had never read a nyt hi ng along that line ; and
although she had hea rd of th e act as inj urious the info ma ,

t io n did no t come from a sou rce which she co nside red reliable ,

and s o it had li tt le e ff ect .

A t t he age of six teen she belonged t o a Su nd ay school cla ss -

t aught by a m an A ll th e girls we re very fo nd of t hi s m

. an
o n accou nt of th e grea t i nt erest he t ook in them T hey u sed .

t o make a prac t ice of calli ng o n him at his o flice wh e n t hey

happened to be do w nt own On the occasio ns o f the se visits
.

he ent ertained t hem in his private o flice ; and wit h t hi s young

lady as w ell as wit h some of the others he at t imes became
qui te i nt ima te Once he t ook her o n his lap and kissed h re
.
,

bu t she did no t t hi nk much of this as she supposed he was

,

simply t rying t o supply a fa t herly love which she had no t ,

had th e privilege of enj oyi ng si nce losi ng her father at t he

age of eleven . T he next t ime she vi sit ed him he did t he s ame
t hi ng ; b ut th is t ime he talked t o her in a very nice way abo u t
sex m atte rs and progressed so far as t o get his hand o n her
,

priva te organs T his produced passion but in an insta nt

.
,

s h e came t o herself and broke away from h im A f ter leav .

ing his oth ee she decided no t to vi si t him agai n She had .

r easo n t o be lieve tha t he accomplished his obj ec t wi t h o ne

of the other girls of h is clas s ; and another girl who was a

pa rt icular chum of hers said he had been familiar with he r
bu t did no t ack nowledge how far he had gone .

She ma rried at ninete en and had i nt e rcourse twice th e fi rst

,

nigh t which re sul ted in a s at isfac t ory orgas m both time s ;

,

bu t she did no t ex perie nce t h e i nt ense pleasu re which cam e

later aft er all emba rr assment had worn o ff During t he
, .

followi ng months she and her hu sband i ndulged every night ,

usi ng eve ry po si t ion t hey could think o i She did no t me ns .

t ru at e aft er her marr iage as she bec ame pre gnant at o nce
,
.

A s soon as sh e knew she w as p re gna nt she lo st all desi re fo r

i nt ercourse ; and it was no t i ndulged in again until about six
weeks aft er the child was bo rn .

When th e child was four month s old her hu sba nd t ook a ,

posit ion five hu ndred miles from home ; and she went t o li ve
wit h her m o ther unt il he was su re o f rem ai ni ng in the new
2 58 The A rt o f Lo ve

the child was born She re frained fro m m astu rba t i ng fo r

.

fear it would be det rimental to the child u nt il she was near ly ,

frantic .

She explained her condit ion t o a you ng married friend ,

who t old her that she herself was in t he same condi t ion when
sh e w as pregna nt and t ha t t h e child wo u
, ld be marked if her
cravi ng w as no t s atisfied She also wro te and explained t he
.

case t o her husband ; and he advised her to mast urbat e as it ,

c ould no t po ssibly do as muc h harm a s th e co nst a nt crav ing

for sexual grat ific at io n H e also t old her that he did no t

.

t hink it would do h er any h arm A ft er re adi ng th e le tt e r

.

c o nt ai ning t his advice sh e went t o bed wi t h t h e det ermi na

t ion t o comple tely s a t isfy th e cravi ng if it t ook all nigh t .

She w as in a high st ate of exci tement and bega n t he ope ra

,

t io n wi t h t he i nsert io n of a slim rou nd bott le ; and aft er a

,

f ew mi nu tes of vigorou s manipulat i ng she had a severe

orgasm which caused her t o t remble so as t o shake the whol e
bed Thi s was no t enough t o quiet her lo ng pent up pas
.

s ions ; so sh e bega n a gent le h andl ing of th e ext ernal p a rt s ,

allowi ng th e bo tt le to remai n in t he vagi na A fter t en min .

u tes or so she was again so excite d t hat she sei zed th e pro
j e ct ing e nd of t he bo t tl e and made v iole n t in an d o ut mov e

ments with it which resulted in a second orgasm She t hen .

felt somewhat quieted and lay perfec tly mot ionles s for abo ut
fi ft een mi nu t es . She withd rew t he bottle and again began
feeling th e pa r ts which by no w we re flo o ded wi th the lub ri
,

cat i ng fluid Spreadi ng her limbs as wide apa rt as po ssible

.

so as to open wide th e vulva she drew her finger up between

,

t he lip s t ickli ng th e cli t oris a litt le each t ime it came u p .

T hi s produced i nt ense pas sio n ; sh e soon i nse rt ed th e bo tt le

agai n and t his time worked it in the vagi na for t wenty min
,

u tes or mo re before she would allow herself th e climax T h i s .

sh e fi nally b rough t o n wi th a rush resul t i ng in t he most

,

i nte nse orgasm of the t h ree which seemed t o sat i sfy her She
, .

felt ready for sleep and slep t unt il fi ve l n the mo rning when ,

she woke in a st at e of sexual excite ment which she allayed

b y gent le manipulat ion and t he bottle cau si ng an orgasm in ,

fi ft een o r twenty mi nute s Duri ng the rem

. ai nder of h er hu s
 M o re S ex and Case H is to ries 2 59

band s absence her hand and the bottle were freely used ; and
’

she obtained b o th relief and pleasure .

Duri ng t he e nt ire period of th is pregnancy she w as in t he

best of heal th and she experie nc ed m uch less di scomfo rt
,

t ha n duri ng her previous pregnancy .

Her hu sba nd re turned w he n she w as eigh t months along

and fou nd her of a t remend o us si z e even t hough she w as ,

na turally plum p Early in the day of his a rrival she rece ived
.

a wire sayi ng t hat he would be home at 7 P M T h e ancit i . .

pat iou caused her passions t o rise and t his i ncreased t ill ,

t hey met t hat nigh t in t h e lo nged fo r embra c e O n re t iri ng

-
.

t o the ir room she hast ily u ndressed and t hre w herself upon
th e bed in a perfec t ly nude co ndi t io n Such a sight which .
,

was a mos t wel c ome o ne to her husband after his long

abse nce produ c ed th e e ff e c t o n him whi c h she had i ntended
,
.

H e c ould hardly get h is clothe s o ff fas t e no u gh ; b ut when

he had disrobed he th rew himself o n th e bed in th e sa me c o n
di t io n as she perfec tly nude H e t ook o ne of her breas ts in
, .

o ne h and and her priva t e orga ns in t he o t her while he gave

her a fe w long passio na te kisses A t ferwards be sucked the

, .

breas ts for a few m inutes then t urned his a t tent ion t o t he

,

vul va s preadi ng the lips apart and exami ni ng thoroughly

, ,

the n playi ng wi t h and gently s t roki ng th e part s t ill t he l u b ri

cati ng fl uid flowed f reely T hi s love pl ay caused him such t re
.

mendons passion th at he could c o nt inue it o nl y a few min

ut es aft er w h i c h he p la c ed him self cross w ise of the bed j u st
, ,

below h er and u nde rnea th her rais ed k nees T hus lying o n .

his side he entered h is no w almos t burs ti ng organ i nt o t h e

vagi na t o the ex treme depth T hen t he natural move ment .

bega n wh ich she clai ms gave her the mos t i ntense enj oyme nt
,

s he had ever ex eri enc ed

p T h e act d id no t las t lo ng as bot h
.
,

w ere so exci t ed t ha t it was im pos s ible to p r o lo ng it Even .

y et
,
aft er eleve n years have passed she s t ill co nsiders t
, his
part i c ular ac t as the o ne which st ands o ut above all others
for int e nse pleas ure .

T his pregna ncy ran t w o w eek s l onger th a n expec ted ; so

sh e h a d six week s w i th her husba nd aft er his ret urn befo re
t h e bi rth of the child D uri ng th is t ime they met frequently
.
26 0 The A rt o f Lo ve

in the s exual embrace w i thout appare ntly any thi ng b ut the

, ,

bes t re sults Somet imes the ac t was performed while she

.

st ood o n her ha nd s and k nee s and her hu sba nd ca m

, e o n he r
from behind in th e quadruped posit io n In t his posit io n his
, .

bo dy lay upo n her back while his arms encirc led her body
,

and b e ma nipulat ed her brea sts w i th his hand s whic h added ,

g rea t ly t o her sexual e xci t ement .

A ft er th e child w as born she decided t o have no more chil

d ren ; and so measures were t aken t o prevent co ncep tion .

F o r th e mo s t pa rt wit hdrawal w as pract iced w hich seemed ,

t o be the safes t ; bu t it was no t alt oget her sa t isfac tory as it ,

so me t imes left her u nsa t i sfied However o n such occasions

.
,

her husband always brought o n her orgasm with his hand by

a ge nt le ma nipulat ion of t he cli t ori s .

T hey were very fond of prac t ici ng th e prolo nged ac t so

much recommended by physicians as the husband had excel ,

l ent cont rol and could prolong the act for an h our o r more
wi thout d ifficulty his method bei ng t o work the organ back
,

and fort h in a very slow mot io n u nt il t heir pa ssio ns had

'

att ai ned a very high pi t ch then to lie mot ionless for a few
,

moments, then begin agai n Whe n this had been co nt inue d

.

as long as desired th e climax would be brought o n wi th a

ru sh and sh e always want ed th e las t st roke t o b e made wi t h
,

a furiou s plu nge and the n held s t ill wi t h the greate st p o s

sible p ressu re whle the thrill sho t t hrough every ne rve in
,

h er body M eanwhile she made a circula r moveme nt with h er

.

hip s evident ly t o get a vigorous orgasm of the cli t oris as

,

well as th e internal orgasm .

She claims t hat the exci t a tion of the cli t ori s pro duces a
di ff e rent orgasm from tha t produced by i nte rnal frict ion .

She als o claims tha t befo re marri age she c o uld get the mo st
enj o yment only when coupling i nt ernal fric tion wi th fric t io n
of the clitori s She believes that girls who satisfy t hem selves
.

ent i rely by frict ion of the cli to ri s which she u nderstand s t o

,

be the popul ar met hod mi ss a great part of t he po ssible

,

cu j y
o m en t .

A bou t four yea rs aft er the bi rth of her second child when ,

in bed o ne night p rep ari ng for i nte rcour se her hu sband men ,

tio ned t o her th at he had o ft e n t hought tha t if a w o m

’
an s
26 2 The Ar t o f Lo ve

my maternal u ncle was a very irri t able man and died of

bromism at fo rt y five from t aki ng great qu ant i t ies of
-
,

Bromo Selt zer-

.

When four or five years of age a precocious lad of about

t he same age came t o my home and w e played w i t h each
other s organs b ut no ero t ic result s are remembered M y
’
, .

mo ther came upo n us suddenly s ent th e boy ho me and me ,

t o bed and t hreate ned to t ell my fa ther if a nythi ng of that

,

na ture happened agai n I never played with this boy agai n

. .

M other mea nt ent irely w ell and t old me that Go d w ould no t

love me bec ause th e sin I h ad commi t ted was very wrong
, ,

and she t old me how much fathe r w ould be displea sed .

While spending some weeks at t he farm of my gra nd

“ ”
mot her I compa red smut ty words wit h a no ther boy and
,

e ach t ried t o outd o th e other in coi ning t hem I forgot all .

about the bo y and do no t even remember his name .

I was sent to a kindergarten in the ci ty where a delight ful

girl was my teacher I fancy tha t sh e was rat her you ng
.

and whe n I went t o t he t oile t I could no t bu tt on my t rou sers

, .

I c reated quite an exci tement and demanded that she co me

“
and bu tt o n me u
”
She t hough t t ha t I had been ve ry b ed
p .

and sh e made me sit wi t h the girls It mus t have been th at

.

I had my choice as to who was to be my seat ma te becaus e ,

I picked o u t a d ark haired girl wi th whom t o s it

-
She treat ed .

me very ki ndly and I became madly 1n love wi t h h er Wh en .

her mother came to take her home I insis ted o n goi ng wi th ,

t hem and I did I think t hat I walked home wi th her fo r

.

five or six yea rs after thi s and we became very dear chum s .

She was sent to anothe r school and our daily walks h ad to

cea se .

When I was thirteen years of age I picked an acquaint ,

anceship wi th the so n of a French doc t or and o ne day whil e ,

at thi s boy 8 home he and the so n of a scave ng r t aught m

’
e
,
e
the proce ss of au t o erot i sm I had an emi ssi o n but this
-
.
,

pai ned me considerably

“
.

T here was at home an old edi t io n of Fox s Book o f

’

”
M artyrs which cont ai ned wonderfully drawn wood cu ts o f
th e process o f t o rt u re t ha t the ea rly s ai nts had inflic t ed upo n
th em and I recall very vividly my exci tement at looki ng at
 M o re Sea: and Case His to ries 26 3

these pictu res My aunt thought that I was going t o be a

.

preacher and she fo ster ed my peru sal of thi s book T hese

, .

experiences t ook place very early and they are amo ng my

e arlies t remembrance s .

A no t her boy of th e neighborhood wi t h who m I was very ,

friendly and I when abo u t six or seven co ns t ruc ted the

, , ,

most vivid pic tures of t o rtures upon li tt le girls of our ac

quaint ance and especially upon o ne whom we considered t o
—
,

be a tattl e t ale We went s o far o ne day as t o procure an

.

old grate and we decided t ha t we would roa st her a la St

, .

Laurence We also procured rop es and build a fi re in the

.

woods but t he girl did no t come o ut t o play We were

, .

c hagri ned at t his but decided t hat we would do it when we

,

g o t t h e cha nce .

T here was big gro ve near my home and we two boy s

u sed to go t here and play wi th ourselves and I fancy that ,

fellat io was performed I remember dis t i nct ly our i nvest i

.

ga t i ng each ot her in the act of defecat io n We would be .

labor each other wi th st icks o n our bare na t e s We i nit ia ted .

smaller boys i nto th e mys t e ries of beati ng and we had much

“fun” in ge tt i ng a new boy t o whip which w e did wi th a
,

gus to We never played wi th the girls in thi s way

. .

T his boy had a very beau t iful si st er whom my brother

was runni ng arou nd wi th at t h e t ime and we ofte n wondered ,

what they did when they st roll ed through the woods in th e

t w ilight I asked my brother abo ut it and go t a drubbi ng
. .

I th reatened t o te ll father abou t it and th e walks st opped .

T he n thi s boy decided t hat we should kno w t he di ff ere nce

between a gi rl and a boy and I went up int o th e woods and ,

c am e upon a li ttle girl who had a paraly zed arm and leg
from poliomyeli t i s I asked her about it and she began
.
,

to cry and whe n I had abou t made up my mi nd t o i nves t i

g a t e for my self h er wails became so loud t hat I r an away
, .

I t old the boy about th i s experience and the next day we

went i nt o th e w o od s t ogether and we fou nd a group of girls
picki ng violet s I enticed o ne t o a more sec ret nook and
.
,

while I wa t ched he threw her down and as she kicked and

, ,

screamed I put my hands o n her moms We spi ed a man .

comi ng and I gave the gi rl a te rri fic sc ratch and we ran

26 4 The A rt o f Lo ve

as fast as we could girl many t imes aft e r this

. I saw thi s ,

but she never seemed

to recogniz e me .

Our parties in the woods co nti nued dur ing the summer
months for several years but we never go t a girl i nt o o ur,

clut ches and we were never able t o t o rture o ne .

W hen I had lea rned ma sturba t ion in the manner described

abo ve I became an adept and pract iced it many ti mes a day
, .

My brother wh o slept wi t h me not iced it and gave me a

, ,

raki ng for it and t hre ate ned to tell father I never liked .

my bro the r as I should aft e r thi s We were always having .

t errific quarrels and al t hough bo t h fat her and mo t her t ried

,

t o fi nd th e rea s o n they never succeeded

, During these lat er .

years I fo u nd that my brother was against me because I ,

had stopped his tet e a t e t e s w ith th e sis ter o f my frie nd

- -
,

and I dis liked him for c ra t ing abou t my au t o erot i sm when

-
,

I knew perfectly well tha t he was doing it h imself and would

no t admi t it It h as only bee n duri ng the pas t few years
.

whe n we were grown t o be men tha t any friendliness at all

h as exist ed be tween u s .

I t old t he French lad abou t t orture and we d ec ided to t ry ,

it o n a rather loose girl who was in our clas s at school .

She came to h is house o ne afte rnoon and w e were ready for

h er A ft er s ome rath er coarse co nve rsat io n he slipped up
'
‘

.
,

in back of her and threw her and I t hrew a t owel around her
t hroat She did no t resist a part icle and we had her clothes
.
,

ra i sed and w e re t aki ng down her drawers when t he mother of ,

t h e French boy entered th e hous e We quickly put the room .

t o right s and th e girl a ss i sted and when th e mo t her came

up stairs we we re studyi ng geography as quietly as if no t h
,

ing had happened A t th i s hou se I became ve ry i nte res t ed in

.

a pic t ure of t he p regnant ut e rus which we fou nd in a copy

of Gould s Dict i o nary and we oft en ma stu rbat ed while loo k
’
,

ing at it .

I m asturbated constantly , bu t alth ough I was never bril

liant , I alway s kept up wit h my work A bout thi s t ime I .

b ecame very friendly wi th several gir ls in t he cla ss who were

no t no t ed fo r t hei r chas t i ty , and much lewd t alk occurr ed .

O ne d ay p aper tape me asures were handed to u s by a s t o r e

k eeper , and the girls , while in the d ressi ng room , measured

26 6 The Art o f Lo ve

episodes that occur red therei n The professo r of Fre nc h .

lent me a great many books and novels t o read because of

my p ro fi ciency in that la nguage and o n readi ng t hem I ,

found tha t t hey were all ro t ten It was during t h is t ime

“
.

”
t ha t I read Balz ac s P hy siologi c du M a riage and t h e
’

“Co ntess Droll ” It was no t lo ng before I t old my E ngli sh

.

professor that I thought no thi ng clean had been w ri tten ,

and he t old me t ha t what had been w ri tt en was merely th e

descript ions of the normal human passio ns and that by the ,

t ime I bec ame a m an and married I would find tha t my o wn ,

experiences were p retty rot ten I have proven thi s t o be .

th e cas e .

I had been in High School abou t a year when a new family

moved i nt o the house nex t door to ours T here was a swee t .

little rose ch eeked gi rl there and I decided t hat I liked h er

- .

T his at fi rst s ight I lea rned t o k now her very soon and I
.
,

wo n her co nfi dence in a surpri s ingly sho rt t ime T he woman .

who ca red for her was her st epmother and she beat her ,

and h er si ster and b ro ther very oft en for the slight es t mis
conduct Th e brother was pe rhap s eigh t een and th e sister
.

twenty bu , t they had thei r pu nishment regu l arly The .

woman was very nice t o my mother and they became very

friendly although mother disliked the way she t alked She
, .

was the foules t mouthed woman I h ave ever seen or heard o f .

I fa ncy th at in t he age s go ne by she was a Cockney fi shwife .

M o ther was ra ther afraid of her bec au se she thought that if ,

she did no t tr eat the wom an nice she would make up some ,

lies abou t her (mothe r ) and wou l d spre ad th em t h roughou t

t he neighb o rho o d .

O ne day t hi s li t t le gi rl c ame t o the fe nce which sepa rated

th e ya rds o f our home s and w as c ryi ng She t old me aft er
, .
,

much s o licit ation o n my part that the woman had j us t ,

bea ten her She sh o wed several black and blue welt s o n her
arm s I was very so rry for h er and t old her so and I became
.

.
,

i nfatuat ed wi th her We had ma ny oppo rtu ni ties t o t alk

.

’
t hings o ve r and h er st o ry of thi s stepmo the r s c ruel ty t o
,

her husband s child ren w as the most pit iable thi ng I have
’

ever hea rd For some unknown re ason I persi sted in h avi ng

.
,

th e details of the pu nishment , and I no t iced e ro tic sy m pto m s

 M o re Sex and Cas e H is to ries 26 7

wh en the girl told me tha t no t lo ng before the woma n had

made her s t rip naked before her bro ther and she beat her ,

wi th a broom handle u nt il the girl fai nte d T he brother .

seemed to be absolu tely helpless at fi rs t but he fi nally bega n ,

t o thrash th e woman She the n t urned o n him k nocked

.
,

him do wns t airs and he broke his ar m A fter that the beat
, .

i ngs had bee n more numerous I w as at t he house o ne day .

when t he girl had broken a dish and her s tep mo ther t old ,

her t o go ups t air s and s trip and t ha t she woul d come up t o

her presently I reali zed w h at was goi ng t o happen and I
.
,

pleaded wit h her t o leave her alo ne but this o nly i ncreased ,

t h e wo m an s wrath and I was told t o leave t he house and

’
,

never show my face i ns ide it agai n A fte r th e bea t i ng t he .

doct o r was summ o ned T he se occurre nces seemed t o dra w me

.

nearer t o t he girl and after her co nvales c e nce I kissed her

, ,

and w e bel ieved w e were engage A ll th at su mmer while .

I was in the country at th e f arm I had dear little le tt ers ,

from her and we correspo nded very freque ntly

, .

It was du ri ng this summer that I met my chum and we ,

used to spend the night in each o ther s hom es We slep t ’

.

t oge ther and we pledged our friend ship every night We .

s lep t w i t h eac h ot her s pe nes in our ha nds and t he frie ndsh ip

’
,

we made at t h at t im e was never w avered o ne io t a .

A girl of abou t my age and who was k nown to be the

wors t girl in the cou nt ryside came to our neighborhood and
,

we were left to ge ther for a ti me I did no t k no w enough to .

reali ze what she w as aft er and when t he thought did come

,

t o me t o t ry and feel her legs she s aid

“ You go and fool , ,

with X (my ci ty girl ) be c a use I w on t , you ”

I was ’
.

e nraged at th e inference and I pi t ched her o ut of th e house .

We boy s we nt swi mmi ng every day and w e had qui te a ,

t ime compari ng penes and imagi ni ng ourselve s in i ntercou rse

,

wi th the girls O ne d ay I fo u nd tha t th e girls were perc h ed

.

o n a ba nk above th e swim m i ng hole and were wat chi ng us , .

T his enraged me and as t he gi rl w i th whom I had had my

,

experie nc e w as the ri ngleade r I t ook her down the b ank and

,

t hrew h e r i nt o the s h allow w at er .

I w ent w i th t he ro sy cheeked girl all through my High

-

Scho ol yea rs b ut I had agai n become acquai nt ed wi th my

,
26 8 The A rt o f Lov ‘

dark haired chum of ye ars before Wh en X and I had a

-
.

q uarrel I called
, o n t h e dark h a ired girl and we became -
,

j us t as chummy as ever and played several gamees of tennis

, .

The qu arrel w as short lived because th e gi rl found tha t the

,

quarrel was brought abou t by o ne of th e st epmother s lies ’

.

I co nti nued to go wi th the girl next door for a pe riod of

month s and we beca me very co nfi dential wi th each ot her
, .

D uri ng the t i m e I was away in the count ry she we nt visit ing ,

in an adj oi ni ng st at e and her frequent le t t ers we re very

,

s weet . Very sudde nly all corr espondence st opped and I was
t e r ribly hurt I wrote ma ny letters implori ng her to gi ve
.

s ome re ason why t h e le tte rs had st opped b u t I neve r heard ,

a word I heard la t er from her s t epmo t her that she had

.

married her paternal uncle o n the day of my last lette r

from her T his nearly broke my heart
. .

I had entered college duri ng this t ime and my st udie s kept ,

me very busy M y old friend th e dark h ai red girl lived

.
,
-
,

nearby and we became acquai nted agai n

, I t old her all .

about X and she sympat hi zed with me We began t alki ng

, .

abou t our careers and we decided tha t we would go t o M edi

,
e

cal School We t ook our pre medical work t ogether and

.
-

s tudied t oge ther T hen we worked in the Surgical Cl i nic at

.

the ho spi t al for a t ime and we learned t o know each o the r

,

better t han ever T hen she went away to a dis t ant ci t y b ut

.
, ,

although nothi ng was said definitely we were p ract ically ,

engaged before she left .

I have neglected to tell of a peculiar thi ng which h ap

pened du ri ng my High School life I studied with a lad .

who was the best a thle te in th e school and o ne night I never ,

o cu ld explai n the rea so n we bega n discu ssi ng erot ic thi ngs

, ,

and t he st udy hour e nded in mu tu al ma stu rbat io n Follow .

ing t hi s we performed mu tu
, al fellatio many t ime s Thi s .

lad was o ne of my be st chums and we thought absolu tely ,

no t hing of our peculiar get t oget hers While I was in the

-
.

se rvice he died in a wes tern camp and si nce then I have

, ,

mis sed him very much Th ere are ce rtai n thi ngs which I feel
.

I could discus s w i th him bett er tha n anyo ne el se I have it .

in my mind t hat al tho u gh these acts we re pu rely h o mo

,

sexual t he re was no homo sexu a

, li ty in t hem (that is, in the
2 70 The A r t o f Lo ve

t alked m arr iage and mari tal life through the l o ng summer
evenings T his made me lo nesome and I saw tha t t he ot he r
.

t e ac her w as a good girl fo r m e I t ook her to our house .

and while t here I ki ssed h e r and she kissed me She w as very .

s ent iment al and she loved lo ng draw n o u t kisses We were -

.

t oget her ma ny m any tm es

, and o ne day while walki ng t o
,

gether I put my ha nd o n her butt ocks as we w alked along

, ,

and she did no t seem t o mi nd We never went beyond k iss

.

ing. I w ent t o see her many times aft er returni ng t o the

ci ty When she left for another school in a dis t ant st a te
.
,

we corresponded for a while and then the le tt ers stopped ,

and t ha t w as the end Z is m arried no w and she named her

.
,

fi rst bo rn for me .

A not her girl who had visited th e village i nvi ted my chum
who was in t he ci ty wi th me to come and see her and bri ng
,

me along (In the mea nt ime his girl s brothe r had made a
.
,
’

fuss w hen my chum went to visi t her at her home and whe n ,

he found that he would have to ma rry her family if he mar

ried the girl he let matters drop and although she wro t e
, ,

many letters for his return he turned them all down She , .

wro te me that I might t ry and persuade himto re turn but ,

do what I would I could no t change him T he girl h as si nce

, .

died and I believe it w as entirely due t o my chum s inco a

,
’

s t anc
y ) .

I called at th e girl s home and enj oyed myself ve ry much

’
.

I went agai n when my chum h ad lef t and I c an say that I ,

t ook h is gi rl because he re ally believed th at she was his

gi rl T his gi rl w as my fi rst vampi re and she was som e
.

vampi re A b ru nett e who dressed exqui si tely and alway s

.
,

d ressed acco rd i ng t o her surrou ndi ngs My fall occu rred .

o ne nigh t wh en she wa s dre ssed in a wo nderful bl ack sa t i n

d eco ll ette and w e were in a room fu rnished in re d

, She lit .

c andles a nd played soft mu s ic o n th e piano and I kis s ed ,

her and had an o rgasm I never d ared go fa rther be

.

cause of my ero t ic co ndit ion L ate r mu t ual friends t old .

,

me th at she had been engaged all t he ti me of our t et e a tet e - -

,

and that she was merely doi ng it t o pique the o the r fellow .

T hey mar ried and when I l ast called at t hei r home t hey
, ,

were very happy .

 M o re S ex and Case Histo ries 271

Some yea rs before this I had vi si t ed the home of o ne of

,

my bro ther s chum s and had become very frie ndly wi th h is

’
,

you nger brother T hey had a sis ter about two years
.

younger than I to whom I paid no att entio n at al l I fancy .

tha t I was filled wi t h X I visi ted there ma ny times we nt

.
,

o n long c a noe t rip s wit h th e brother and I had many happy ,

d ays there O ur families were well acquai nted and I was

.

alway s hangi ng arou nd their home when in t he vici nity .

O ne day whe n my bro ther s chum w as at our house he m

,
’
en ,

tio ned tha t B ( his si ster ) was a beau t ifu l li t tle girl I .

pricked up my ears and I decided tha t the next time I went

,

t o h is home I would look t his girl over very cri t ic al ly and ,

I wondered why I had no t not iced her befo re I went up .

t here ve ry soon after the remark had been passed and I ,

found her t o be almos t perfec t We we nt in bat hing t o .

gether and it was no t lo ng after t his t hat I was calli ng o n

,

B and no t o n her bro t hers We began to be sent ime nt al

.

and w e ki ssed and hugged each o ther fo r hou rs in the moo n

lit eveni ngs We went canoei ng t ogether and lu nch ed in the
.

woods and loved each other with an abandon of del ight .

A bsolu t ely no t hi ng t ook place excep t thi s ki s si ng I decided .

tha t bet ween Z and B I liked B the be t ter

, .

B h ad a peculiar habi t of st roki ng the p alm of my hand

when she became excite d and while t alki ng this phase over
,

with my chum he thought t ha t sh e desired i ntercourse and

,

sugges te d th at I t ry it o ut She w as no t my girl so I d id

.
,

no t hes it a te a pa rt icle because if she did get cross I had

, ,

some other girl to co nsider my o wn I called at th e house .

,

and su re enough she did th e selfsame thi ng agai n and while ,

she w as si t t ing o n my lap wi t h her arms abou t my neck and ,

was kiss ing my fo rehead in her be s t s t yle I let my hnad rest ,

o n her ankle and proc eed ed t o feel he r leg She said nothing .

except wa nti ng t o k now why I did th at and I t old her it was ,

an expre ssion of love I had reached abou t hal fway up h er

.

thigh when she smacked my face and I was very angry and
left the hou se wit hou t sayi ng another wo rd We h ad cor .

responded o ff and o n duri ng our little love afl air and when

'

I found t ha t I had no girl at all I wrote a le t ter of apology , ,

and was received again bu t in a far c o o le r m

, anne r I de .
 The Art o f Lo ve

cided th a t I really liked her and t ried to make amends and ,

in a few mo nths we were b ack at our old t ricks b u t no ,

feeling of her legs t ooks place .

I was summo ned i nt o t he M R C and went t o camp

— —
. . .

L a te r when o n leave I m
, et a girl , a di stant rela t ive wh o
stayed at t he house for a fe wd a s I came t t h reali a
y o e z .

t io n t hat she was a rare be au ty and tha t she w as of t he t ype

of A I admi tt ed t o her tha t we were going to have a splen
.

did t ime together and she seconded the suggest ion

, .

T hat night while I w as asleep I was awakened by some

, ,

thi ng t ouchi ng my hand and I was st a rtl ed to hear a voic e

,
“
very clo se to my fac e say Dear I love o n so t ha t I am , ,

lo nesome for you I was ra ther frigh tened for fe ar t h at

.

someone w ould hear and I t old her to go back to her roo m

, ,

and tha t I would come to her in a few mi nu t e s I soon .

foll ow ed her to her room We kis sed in a w ay I had never

.

experienced before Saliva w as exchanged and we drew each

.
,

o the r s to ngues int o our mouth s and had a very delight ful
’

and needless t o say ero t ic t ime , I put my ha nd upon her .

mo ns and found t hat she was menst ruati ng and I had t o ,

c o nte nt my self wi t h h er breas ts I fondled her and sucked .

her nipples u nt il she had orgasm and then I m ad e her hold

, ,

my erect penis She did more and put it in her mou th and
.
,

performed fell atio When I had had o rgasm I returned

.
,

t o my bed and t ried to sleep .

T he nex t fou r days were filled wi t h the same expe riences ,

o nly increased a hu ndred fold I had her s t rip naked and

-
.
,

although she want ed me to do the same I refus ed b ut she , ,

w as always read y for fellat io and was neve r sat isfi ed She .

s w o re that she loved me and o nly me and afte r she went ,

home I received many lett ers s ome times two a day in which
, , ,

she swore her love and a ff ect io n While at th e hou se sh e .

,

made it her business to tell her friends t hat she l o ved me ,

and made he rself ve ry foolish all th e way rou nd .

I mast u rba ted conti nually after thi s and always h ad her
nat es as m y image I we nt t o camp and st opped ma st u r
.

bat ing for a period of six weeks and was feeli ng s plendid ,

w hen o ne o f m y m en brough t o u t a collec t io n of Fre n c h

phot ogr aphs which start ed me o ff o n my erotic j o u rney I
, .
 The Art o f Lo ve

Ju st precedi ng my depa rture for t he A rmy Y hea rd th e ,

new s and called me o n t h e telepho ne at th e ho spi t al aski ng ,

me if I would call be fo re leavi ng I did and we had a lo ng .

t alk b u ,t w e decid ed t hat we were no t meant for each ot her ,

and we part ed very good friends Since then she h as w ri tt en .

me four t imes and I have answered all t h ese le t t ers

, .

T hi s is my sex his t ory I h ave masturba t ed co nt i nu ally

.

from the t ime t hat I was about thirt een years old I hav e .

al w ay s been secret ive but no t fro mfear My readings o f

, .

th e se x lit era t u re w hich have covered fou r langu

, ages had ,

led me t o believe that mas tu rba t ion was ve ry debilit a ti ng to

th e i ndividual bu t I have fou nd tha t I amof normal weigh t
,

for my height and that I am as phy sically perfect as can

,

possibly b e I have a slight myopia but glasses give me

.
,

2 0/20 visio n .

T he psychology of my self I have t ried t o read bu t I fail , .

T hese are fac t s A woma n s nat es are alw ay s before m

’
. e

w hen I mas t urbate I have t aken a large clinic in a gre a t

.

ci ty ho spi tal where I have charge of t he mercury i nunct ions

of perhap s two hundred women a week T he nat es that I .

massage are no t erot ic to me b ut whe n I see these wome n ,

lift thei r clo thes to expo se themselves and place themselves

in po si t ion for the i nu nct io n I am a ff ec t ed , .

I have neglecaed to say o ne t hi ng When I am say ing .

good b y e to B I h ave a peculiar posit ion which I hold her

-
,

in. When I kiss h er I have my arm s abo u t her wais t so ,

that her mo ns is pl aced agai nst my symphysis I press her .

fi rm ly t o me and she kis se s me T hen she becomes almos t .

limp in my grasp and I carry h er t o the soft ki ss her good ,

nigh t and leave h er immed ia t ely It has grown t o be a habit .

and she seems t o expec t it Al though I reali z e t hat her

.

clito ris is bei ng exci ted by thi s manm uvre and I further feel
t hat she has an orga sm I do no t believe t hat she k nows
,

t ha t such is t h e ca se and I did no t u nt il I was di scu ssi ng

, ,

t his his t o ry wit h an em inent sexol o gis t who explai ned the
afl air t o me
'
.

I expect to ma rry t hi s gi rl in the very ne ar future and ,

I believe when ma rried all my e ro t ic temptatio ns fo r o the rs

,
 M o re S ea: and C as e His to ries 2 75

will cease t o exis t and I further feel th at al though I h ave

, ,

had thi s t remendous his t ory I go t o her absolutely clean ,

in heart and tha t I will make a lovi ng and appreciat ive

,

husband .

P romiscui t y h as never been i ndulged in because my go o d ,

sense tells me tha t it is all w ro ng and I can relieve my self ,

in exac t ly t he same way wi thou t ru nni ng the risk of inj ur

ing myself in so doi ng A l thou gh I ha ve t hi s au t o ero t ic
.
-

habit I fi nd that by expert a nalysis my se mi nal secretion is

,

pe rfec tly virile T his analy sis was performed by the p ro

.

fes so r of microsco py in my college and he is a m an whose ,

w ord c an be relied upo n .

I al so neglec t ed t o say wha t had become of X T wo

years later I fou nd that she had had a s t illborn child S t ill .

la ter the seco nd of my namesakes w as b o rn We have often .

been toget her si nce then and she is perfectly happy and I , ,

guess it was for t h e bes t .

Cass: 5 2 0 Sex male ; age 2 7 ; hair dark bro wn ; eyes

.
, , , ,

d ark ha zel
—
.

1 am in good health have li t tle sickness not hi ng b u t ,

measles chicken po x whoopi ng cough while q

,
-
ui t e you ng
, , ,

t o nsili t is ra ther freq uently unt il several years ago and ,

mumps wi t h mil d o r c hi t is o n th e left sid e this p as t Dec em

ber . I am i ncli ned to be nervous and worry abou t my
health and a ff airs
,
I believe that I use sugges t ion t o my
.

de triment rat her than my benefit ) .

M ot her and fat h er bo t h i nc l ined t o be nervous no rheu ,

matis m or tube rc ulosis and li ttle or no sickness T hey , .

do c tored themselves c o ns iderably magnified li ttle ailment s , ,

and w orried T heir use of sugges t ion in my raisi ng is I

.
,

believe respons ible for my use of it in t hat tey were co n

, ,

t inu ally impre s s i ng upo n m e t he idea t h at I mus t be very

careful of myself thus keeping approachi ng sick ness alway s

,

in fro nt of me .

My early sex impulsees are no t very clear in my mi nd .

However I will a ttem pt t o rec all and arrange them

, .

M y mo ther t old me no t t o p lay wi th my enis

—
1 thi s
—
.

when I was quit e you ng 3 Ido no t recall tha t I was play

2 76 The A rt o f L o ve

ing wi th it or that I had a desire to play wi th it o nly t ha t ,

sh e conveyed the idea t hat it w as very w rong and I am c e r

t ai n tha t if I had be en ha ndli ng myself I s t opped ) .

2 Had desirable sensat io ns from si tt i ng as t raddle obj ec ts

— —
.

and leaning fo r wa rd 4 t hought s if I recall correc tl y , ,

were usually cruel

—
.

3 Was a tt racted to girls though without bei ng co n

—
.

scious of the at t rac tio n or reason quite bashful e speci a lly ,

wi th ce rtai n few girls that I liked bes t .

4 Was t augh t t he act of mas turba tio n qui t e you ng and

.
,

at the s ame t ime to endeavor t o use th e anus of o ther b oy s .

( I disliked t o have my a rm s u sed ) M y early a t t e mpt s at

.

mas turbat ion were ra ther quickly replaced by d ay dreaming .

While feeling that this was bad and hidi ng it yet I do no t ,

r ecall worryi ng over t h e e ff ec ts of it no r t hi nki ng it any

where ne ar so bad as i ntercourse wi t h a girl .

5 . Day dreami ng has occupied t he large st part of my

sex life I pict ured bo t h my self and ot hers wit h girls tha t
.

I bot h knew and did no t know I never arrived at an or .

a sm no r endeavored t o by mast urbat io n ( wi th o ne excep

g ,

t io n which I will t reat l ater ) b u

, t co nt i nually exci ted m ysel f
,

by these pict ures Both te nderness and cruelty were mani

.

fested though the re was u sually b u

, t li ttle thought or em
pha sis o n this pha se of th e union Somewhere in the ea rli e r .

day dream period I bega n to mechanically excite mysel f b y

u r i ng wa t er o n th e gla ns penis while bat hi ng and o n o ne
p o

occasion followed this wi th mas turbation of the more u su al

typ e ob taini ng an emi ssio n and orgasm
, T he sens at ions .

we re so powe r ful that they sca red me and I endeavored t o

wi thhold t he semen I felt weak fro mthe excitement swore
“
.
,
”
t o my self never agai n and for more than seve n yea rs
—
, ,

2 0) - k ep t the fait h I was consciou s of a feeli ng o f

.

wro ng bo th mentally and phy sically from t his act U n .

wisely I suppose I did no t fight harde r agai nst the day

, ,

dreams I remembe r pu shing them back t ime aft er t ime

.
,

o nly to welcome t hem later I believe tha t this conti nual.

desire wi th no outle t led to an i ncre a se in my nervou snes s

it wyas duri ng this pe riod that I bec ame co nsciou s of m y
heart s heat i ng at t imes that its rate i ncrea sed wi t h think i ng
’
,
2 78 The Art o f Lo ve

me to raise myself and lea n over her and as I did so she

spread her legs apa rt so t ha t we w ere p ract i c ally t oget her
bu t for her clo thes and mi ne We were bo th upse t abou t
.

it and I immedia t ely paddled do w n t he river p u t th e ca noe ,

up and t ook the young lady home From that t ime w e had .

sex to fight good and proper In A ugus t a worse thing .

happened We had for some t ime pu rpo sely avoided the

.

rive r but o n this oc c a sio n I e xplored her ge ni t als and ia

,

serted my pe ni s immedia t ely wit hdrawing it and as o n the

, ,

o ther evening of weak nes s prayed her forgivenes s ent reate d

, ,

her to marry me and felt mi serable The re w as absolutely .

no resis t a nce and though no pai n and prob ably co ns ider

, ,

able exci te ment no ple asure or desire manifest o n her part

, .

T h i s I c an o nly rec al l t hrough lat er happe ni ngs s i nce I w as

t o o much u nder t e influ ence of my feeli ngs to do more
t han st op t h e proceedi ngs A t first she bel iev ed t ha t t he
.

mere entra nce was all that was necess ary t o c o nceive and
expres sed a de sire to end it all She had si nce t old me tha t
.

she decided t o ma r ry me or no o ne th e n T o conti nue t he .

confession we fough t failing every once in a while u nt il she

, ,

did ma rry me t he followi ng J une We have o ne child a .

,

beaut iful h ealthy boy .

N o w there are some mat ters about our u nio n which w e

need advice and help and fo r which we will be mo re thank ful
th an for anythi ng else in t h e w o rld .

My wife evid ences no sex feelings o r desi res She h as neve r .

h ad an orgasm eithe r du ri ng i ntercours e or upon my at

t empts t o exci t e her by manipulat i ng her geni t als or breas t s ,

and never a de sire for i nt e rcou rse r a ther t he opposi te , Sh e .

obj ects t o havi ng her breas ts t ouched and I am no t po sitiv e

t hat her cli t oris is d eveloped and re spo nsive as I i nfer it
s hould be if for h er desire is incre as ed by handli ng t he se
,

o rgans and if wi th tha t i ncrease of desire her clit o ri s should

enlarge then she do ees no t re sp o nd normally for th is doe s
, ,

no t happen or at lea st has no t h app ened t o an ext e nt t ha t

,

I c o uld rec o gni ze She is gro wi ng mo re and mo re to dislik e

.

intercourse and even o n the occa sions o n which she submi t s

he rself I feel like a bea st to t reat her se no t that there is ,

p a i n, b ut h er att i tude t o wards it is such t h at it make m e

 M ore S ea: and Case H isto ries 2 79

c o ndemn my self I endeavor to exci te her but with little

.
,

success She complains that her breas t s are sore t he next

.

day if I play wi t h t hem eve r so gent ly ; further I have no t

been able to locate her clit o ri s and her geni t als are no t
ve m feeling or an o t her way excep t precoi tal fl o w
resp o ns n .

I amve ry much a ttracted t o wa rd s my wife and our i nabilit y

t o enj oy thi s privilege is ve ry dis t urbi ng and worryi ng She .

is willi ng t o t ry mos t anythi ng and wishes she could enj oy

and respo nd t o my advances b u t so far h as no t bee n able
, .

I have been pract icing m as tu rbat ion to some extnet and she
has aided me in t hi s directio n but it is hardly sat isfact ory
,

t o me as a pe rma ne nt arrangement .

I hoped when enlis t ing in the army duri ng the late war , ,

t hat when I returned the absence might have changed thi ngs .

However upo n my discharge I found no improvement

, .

T he followi ng is an at t em pt upon my part t o explai n o ur

conduct .

M y wife I believe is perfect ly no rmal physically bu

, , t will ,

no t and has no t let herself go for several rea s o ns

.
—
I Fear of havi ng child ren cau sed by the shock of the
though t that she would have a child u nm arr ied ( in the canoe
o n t he river
) aided by t h e ,feeli ng aft er ma rriage t ha t we
c o uld no t a ff ord t o have a family (I work for the U S . . .

Government o n a modera te sala ry )

, .

II O ver mode sty She seems always consciou s of her

. .

body avoidi ng me seeing her naked o r wi th her brea sts o r

,

geni t als u ncove red .

I believe tha t I am no rmal but that I have been carele ss

,

t hrough ignorance I expect ed o n my honeymoon tha t my

.

wife would enj oy i ntercourse as much o r more than I wou ld .

I expec t ed t o get mo re ple asure even fro m her e nj oyme nt

t ha n from my o wn When I fou nd she didn t have the feel
.
’

ing I ant icipated I w as di sapp o int ed and u nable to help h er

,

si nce I att emp ted to prolo ng the act but wi t hou t good re
su lts . I want t o apologi ze for giving all my at t ent ion to my
o wn need s and de sire s in the se pages b u t si nce my wife h as ,

agreed t o submi t her hist ory I though t it best to let her tell it .

Cass: 5 2 1 Sex, female A ge 24 B ro wn h air Dark

. .
, . .

ha zel eyes .
2 80 The A rt o f Lo ve

I amin go o d he alth and have been all my life I have had .

wh oping cough measle chicken pox mump s and t o nsil i t is

o , s -
, , , .

My mother has had good healt h except fo r rheumat ism M y .

fat her was a he althy man so far as I know He ki lle d h im .

self when he w as 6 5 .

I had no sex t r ai ning whateve r and was no t i nteres t ed in

t he t alk at school among gi rls—would much rat her play
’
games boys games preferred
, I rode horseback co nsid
.

e rabl u nt il eigh t ee n I never mas t urba t ed an d did n t k now

y . o

t he re w as such a thi ng t ill I w as ma rried O n o ne occasion .

while t aking a bat h I let the water run be tween my legs I .

don t remember any ple asant sens at ion at lea st I o nly did it
’
,

t h e o ne t ime and t hought no more abou t it .

I have never day dreamed P ic tures and lit erature have.

never aff ec t ed me When a child I always read boys books ’

. .

Whe n six years old a playmate told me where babies came

—
from thi s c au sed no sensat ion curiosi ty or th o ught
—
, .

When ni ne years old I s aw two dogs inc o itu e u older

b o s tanding near me a sked how I would like him t o do t ha t t o
me I t old him no t at all I had no sensat ions no r any
.
, .

dis turb ance in my regard to the boys frie ndship ’

.

When ten yea rs old I went o ut into t he cou ntry t o vis it

an old m an and his wife T hi s m an w as a frie nd of the
.

family and I had a casual liking or him T he first aft e r .

noon at h is home he t ried t o pu t his hand u nder my dre ss ,

at which I be came frigh t ened and cried H e had me prom .

ise never t o tell any o ne abou t it From then o n I was afrai d .

o f him and stayed wi t h h is wife all I could goi ng home as ,

s oo n as I c o uld . I was always afraid of him aft er tha t ex

er i nce a n d whe never h e would come t o o u r hou se I would
p e

make some excu se to leave .

M y mensees began when I was thi rt een and 1t scared me .

I had hea rd t hat thi s start ed t he day you were fou rt een
and that if it started so o ne r you would die I expected t hat .

my mo ther would at this t i me t ell me eve rything I should

k no w b ut I w as away from home visit ing at th e t ime t he y
, ,

s t arted and my mo ther no t being with me I neve r learned

,

a nything at thi s t ime and my mother h as never t old me

anything whateve r abo u t m ysel f
282 The Art o f Lo ve

what we had done was no suffi cient for me to co nceiv e .

However before re ac hi ng home I made up my mi nd t ha t I

,

would marry him or no o ne I fel t very guilty and did no t

.

care t o meet anyone I knew We cont inued t o go up t h e

.

river abou t twice a week and mo st every t ime we did th is ,

t hough I do no t u nderst and why I all owed it as I never ,

had an orgas mand my only pleasure consist ed of being as

close t o my hu sband as I could get and hugging him .

We were married (secretly ) and before t he canoeing s ea

so n of t ha t year s t a rt ed my hu sb and s old t h e canoe in orde r

no t t o st a rt our fo rmer p rac t ice u nt il our marriage w as

a nnounced .

N o w aft er bei ng ma rr i ed five years i nt ercou rse h as becom e

,

r epulsive even huggi ng and kissi ng which I k now will lea d

, ,

t o i nt ercourse doe s no t appe al t o me as it u sed t o

, M o st .

of all I canno t bear t o have my breasts touched somet hing ,

my husband seems especially fond of doi ng they see m t o ,

t sore an d e nsi t ive t o t h e rubbi ng of my clo th ese acro ss

g e s

t he nipples M y hu sband attempts to excit e me by playi ng

.

wi t h my privat e s b u t no pleasu re accompa nie s t his and the re

,

s eems t o be a lit t le gris t le tha t somet ime s hu rts whe n rubbed

ac ross.

M y hu sband is very unh appy becau se o f my att itude to

wards sex and I amanxious to do anythi ng in my power to
st raigh t en t hi ngs o u t We would both be very t ha nkful if
.

you would help us in any way .

I h ave alway s felt th at it was mo re my faul t th an my

h u sb and s t hat we act ed as we did in the canoe up the rive r
’

and afte r each trip I w o uld decl are t hat we sh o uld neve r
do it again .
 CH A P TER V 1 11

BRIEY MEN T ION O F CA SES ILLU S T RA T IN G T HE

NEC ESSI TY OF U NIVERSA L K NOWLE DGE OF
T H E P SYCHOLOGY A N D A R T O F LO VE

A knowledge of the art of love is necessary t o i nsure that

men and women of good mi nds and high ai ms keep moral
and happ mo nogamous and healt hy
, M arried people mus t
.

have a k nowledge of t he mselve s and of e ach o ther and such ,

c o nfi d enc e in each o th er t ha t t hey c an be free wi t h each

o ther ac t o ut their real selv es and exp ress t hemselves trus t

,

fully each to a sy mpa thet ic mate I will ci te Case 3 1 8 in

.

t his book where for ma ny years t here were seriou s d iffi c u l

t ies ; also Cases 5 00 and 5 05 w here there were no seriou s
,

d iffi cult ies

. T hose who have read my o ther books will re
member many cases there illustrat i ng this point .

The follo w i ng brief excerp t s may help t o a fulle r u nder

st a ndi ng of t his ma t t e r

A college woman and a professio nal m an had been m ar

ried six years and had t w o child re n T hey were t he best
.

of uprigh t Ch rist ian people Nei t her knew anythi ng about

.

sex and bo th were t o o ashamed t o talk these thi ngs over

w i th each o ther or wi th a nyo ne else T h e man though t t he
.

s ex life lo w and de radi ng ; he also though t lo ss of seme n

g
very i nj urious He did no t co nsider t ha t the woman had
.

needs , and knew no thi ng of how t o conduct i nt ercourse .

Neit her did she T heir relat ions were very i nfreq
. uent and
no prepa rat io ns were ma de . A ft er a year or t wo she began
t o be ne rvous and wakeful and h y s t erical aft er i nte rcourse
, ,

and fi nally bega n t o have co nscious desire She reali zed

.

t ha t somet hi ng w as w ro ng and obtai ned t hrough a frie nd

s ome recent sex li t erat ure whi c h she read .

She readily saw what was amis s and bega n t o cre ate del ay
,
284 The A rt o f L o ve

in i ntercou rse and do her pa r t as bes t she could and in thi s ,

w ay obt ai ned orga sm s occasio nally and impro ved grea tly in
health ; yet she co nti nued t o suff er very much from unsatis
fi ed desire In the mea nt ime her husba nd had become ve ry
.
,

nervous b u t consist ently mai nt ai ned a policy of repre ssio n

, ,

t hi nki ng t ha t i nt ercourse o nce in tw o or t hree weeks w as

inj u rio us H e worried cons t antly abou t he alth and bu s i
.

nes s . A ll thi s t ime he had freque nt persi st e nt erect io ns and ,

evident ly had t o use much will po w er t o keep from i nt er

course wh ie his wife beside him h ad t o exercise great will
,

power t o keep from aski ng for it He was so reserved and .

t ure o n the subj ec t no t t alk about it Bu t his wife a very .

,

t ac t ful woma n wi t h great abili t y almost u nconsciou sly ,

mo d ified his ideas to some extent

m
, .

T his woma n is as cert ain as I amtha t their nervous a ic

t io ns and i ncreas i ng ill health and u nhappi ness we re e nt i rely
due t o the fac t tha t t hey h ad been married and turned loose
—
t oget her d eeply in love t o be sure bu t ent irely ignorant
.
, ,

of what love meant t o eithe r of them after the wedding cere

mony .

A you ng m an ma t rid a you ng woman He had had .

plent y of i nstruct ion in t he art of love and was no t afraid ,

t o get mo re She had the o rdinary New E ngla nd girl s fea r

.
’

of sex and had developed very late She was i ncli ned to .

look upo n sexual int ercourse as u nnecessa ry and a conce s

sio n t o man s pas sion She finally talked these m at t ers over
’
.

wi th o ne who had i nve st igated extensively along this li ne ,

and she was brought to unde rst a nd t hat conjugal love w as

wholesome moral delight ful and necessa ry Even then th e
, , .
,

utmost t ac t and some t ime were requi red before she re

spo nded in any marked degree t o her hu sband Bu t careful .

and t ac t ful gentle and lovi ng provoca tio ns finally led to sex
,

feeli ngs of i nc reasi ng st rength and frequency and after a ,

year or so she began t o have occasional orgasm s T hese .

increa sed in frequency unt il she became fully respo nsive du r

ing her fi rst pregnancy .

O lder people are pro ne t o say th at sex k nowledge whil e ,

u seful for the young h as no signifi cance fo r the old Thei r

, .
286 The A rt o f Lo ve

Th e woman is fi fty ni ne She masturbat ed moderat ely

-
.

from early girlh ood u nt il her marriage She w as very much .

ashamed of t his and t hough t it very i nj urious

, She was .

ma rried t o th e man ment io ned above at ni ne t een .

T hey had i nt ercourse daily at fi rst , and later three o r

four t imes a week T hough ignora nt they soo n became
.
,

fairly well ad jus ted She usually had orgasms in i nt er

.

course at t he same t ime that he did T hey t ook t he sexual .

life as a ma t ter of course and devoted li tt le t ime t o it , .

Wi t h children came cares wo rries and gradual d imi nut io n

,

in sex ma nifes t at ions Wo rry i ncreased and nervousness

.

appeared pa rticularly in the husband s case He c o nsid

,
’
.

ered t ha t i nt ercourse was bad for him as he grew older ,

worryi ng over the supposed eff ect s of his masturbat io n in

y ou t.h Fi n ally , t hey bega n to sleep in sep arat e room s

which we re no t adj oini ng and i ntercourse was indulged in

,

le ss frequently The wife mi ssed t hi s very much but w as

.
,

afraid it would hurt him and was ashamed to ask himfor it

, .

Duri ng the la st two yea rs t here h as been no inte ro curse

whatever and du ri ng the tw o p revious ye ars there were b ut
,

few (u sually unsuccessful ) atte mpts .

T h e man is complet ely b roke n down nervou sly and is in ,

g rea t a nxie t y abou t bu si ne ss and heal t h T h e nervous c o n .

di tion of h is wife is no t as serious but her physical co ndi ,

t io n is u nsat i s fact o ry .

H e was exami ned and encouraged to belieev tha t he w as

no t re ally impot ent H is mi nd was completely freed from
.

worry o ver his fancied indi scre t ion H e was told never t o .

sleep alo ne a nothe r night as lo ng as his wife lived He w as .

u rged to renew his acquai ntance wi th her by goi ng to ent er

t ainm ents wi t h her readi ng wit h h e r embraci ng and ki ss i n
, g ,

her whe neve r there was an oppo rtu ni ty and it w as sugges te d ,

tha t he should wi t h m
, odera te frequency go through t he ,

p relimi n a ries of i nt e rcourse wi th her H e w as also t old th at .

,

if she respo nded to these s t imuli and had st rong de sire and ,

he was no t able t o pe rfo rm h is part he should relieve h e r ,

m anually .

She w as also instructed t o e ncourage him in eve ry w ay

and at tempt t o stimul ate him while he was st imula t i ng h e r ,
 N ecessity o f Universal Kno wledge o f the A rt o f Lo ve 287

and t o how
s di sappoi ntment if he w as no t at fi rst suc
no ,

c essful. He was give n some pills said t o be aphrodisiac , ,

which had in all probability lit tl e other t han ment al efi ect

'

.
, ,

H e was as su red agai n and agai n of t he di st i nct therapeut i c

value of renewed conj ugal relat ions and as freq uently t old ,

t ha t his impot ence w as probably psychic resul t i ng f rom ,

c are , worry and sepa rat ion .

Wi thin three weeks had had a perfec t sat i s facto ry erec

ti on and th e yh ad i nt ercourse which was complet ely s at i sfy
,

ing t o bot h It is im possible to say whether he or his wi fe

.

w as t h e more pleased wi t h t he result Wi thi n t wo weeks thi s .

experience was repeat ed Less t han a year later t hey have .

i ntercourse o n an average of twice a week He desires thi s, .

and he fee ls tha t it benefits him H is wife has an orgas m .

i nva riably T hey have bo t h gai ned in weight are cheerful

.
,

and happy and the healt h of bo t h is bett er than it has bee n

,

f o r many years .

Friends and relat ives look at them in ama zement and say, ,
’”
Wh at h as worked this wonderful t rans formatio ni T hey
are s till gue ss ing bu t you and I k now , .

One of the o thers a man also sixty o ne recovered his

,
-
,

po t ency under similar t reatme nt and has i nt ercourse with ,

h is wife once in ten days A no ther h as de si re and is su

. c ,

cess fu l o nce in t wo weeks .

T he fi r st case see n t we nt y ye ars ago recove red h is pot ency

at the age of sixty three after th e sex fu nc t io n had bee n in
-

disu se abou t three yea rs At fi rst he had intercourse abou t

.
,

once a week T he re was grad ually d im inishing frequency

.

for the next seve n yea rs when he became really physio lo gi

, ,

cally impotent and well reco nciled to it

, .

A no the r t ype of c as e mu st no t be forgotte n in t hi s c o n

nect io n . I refer t o the no t rare anomaly of a woman wh o
imagi nes herself to be ent i rely cold or to the woman o f ,

similar type who knowing wha t sex desire is and experi

, ,

enc ing it at t imes is u nable t o have an o rgas m in the

,

ordina ry w ay but may expe rience o ne if h er husband stimu

,

lates her clit oris suffi ciently .

A wom an who h ad been ma rried fi fteen yea rs and who

had had fo u r child ren co nsult ed m e on acc o unt of distress
288 The Ar t o f Love

ing condit ions in her family life A pprop ria te quest ions .

revealed t he following s t ory She h ad had many illnes ses .

duri ng and since her girlhood She never had experienced .

any ero t ic feeli ngs ei t her before or aft er her ma rriage S he .

had been taught to rega rd sex as somet hing never t o b e

t hough t of and no t t o be me nt io ned abo ve a whisper S he .

loved her husband and had never loved a nyon eelse H e .

loved her and had been fait hful ; but s oon aft er marriage
he began to show disappointment because of her failu re t o
respo nd to him sexually H e k new lit tl e or no t hing ab out
.

prelimi na ries b ut felt t hat she ought t o enj oy int erco urs e
, .

He prolonged the act or repeat ed it hopi ng t o awaken h er

, ,

i nte res t but all t o no avail A s t ime went o u th e ac t at

, .
, ,

fi rst sligh t ly disagreeable became ac tually repuls ive t o her

, ,

t hough she endeavored t o conceal from him th e st a t e of h e r

feel ings His di s appoi ntme nt i ncreased and he became taci
.
,

t urn and less afl ect io nate and fi nally faul t fi nd ing and
,
-

o ver cri tical

-
She began t o reali z e that she w as no t like t h e
.

ordina ry woman and wished t hat it was possible for her t o

,

enj oy his embraces and she was in a st ate of c o ns tant

,

perturbation fearing that he w ould cease t o love her S he

, .

had no r eali z at ion that her sex st ar a tio n or failu re o f v

,

s ex c u
- lt ivatio n had anyt hi ng t o do wi th her o wn cont i nued
ill healt h
-
.

It w as nece ssa ry to show t his woma n t ha t in order t o ,

be happy in her ma rried life and to retai n her hu sband s ,

’

afl ec tio ns sh e mus t cha nge ent irely her original poi nt o f

'

view and devot e st udy and though t t o th e physical si d e

,

of love O f course t his was d iffi cult for a person of h er

.

b ri ngi ng u p; b ut she t ri ed fai t hfully a nd fi na lly a e co m ,

lis hed much in thi s di rec t ion

p .

I di scu ss ed bo th with her and her hu sband the various

det ail s of th e art of love and urged t he stud of this subj ec t
,

as a recogni zed pa rt of t hei r daily life A fter th ree or four .

t alk s her fear and re serve were largely overcome and t hey
, ,

were left t o work t hese matt ers o u t for t hemselves .

When next I saw her nearly a year la t er I was surp rised

, ,

at h er improved appearance O n i nquiry I lea rned t h at

.

th e re had bee n a great imp rovement in her home co ndi t io ns .

290 T he A rt o f Lo w

o rgas m when he did ; but she was u nable to accomplish th is ;

and no t wi shi ng t o di sappoi nt him she led h im t o believe
, ,

t h at she had a second orgasm at th e t ime th at t hi s occurred .

T his appeared t o sa t isfy him ; and she he rself h ad no spec ial

des ire si nce she had an orgasm via clit o ris nearly every t i me
,

t hey had i ntercourse .

S t ill she reali zed that this o rga sm w as in a way art i

, , ,

fi cial and it was no t complet ely sa t isfyi ng ; and she w as no t

,

ent irely easy concerni ng the mild decept io n wh ich she r ac

p
t iced o n her hu sband .

I to ld her of variou s maneuvers and po si t ions t o suggest

to him especially suggest i ng tha t he be gi n i nt ercourse aft er
,

s h o rt p relimi naries before she had orgasm and cont i nue t o

, ,

s ti m ulate her while co ntinui ng i nt ercourse also en

I .
”

deav o red t o cha nge her poi nt of view as t o matt ers of se x ,

and had her re ad a good deal of what I t hough the be st

re cent li te rat ure o n th e subj ect I had opportunit y t o sug.

es t h an s t o him wit hou t i nformi ng h im of t he li t t le

g c gee ,

d ecep t ion which w as be ing pract iced upo n him I t old him .

th a t certai n sligh t nervou s symp t oms which were appare nt

in h is wife m ight be removed if he made some change s in
p reli mi naries and induced her to pa rticipate mo re fully and
,

fo r a longer time in i nt ercou rse .

A yea r late r sh e t old me that aft er some skep t ici sm and

di scou ragement she finally began t o have a natu ral orga s m
,

in i ntercou rse T hi s was yet of sho rt durat ion and s ome

.
,

t im es i nco mplete ; but it was becomi ng more sat isfact ory fro m
week t o week Her att itude t oward the sex relat ion w as
.

ent i rely cha nged and her e nj oym ent was gre atly i ncrease d ,

and she was t remendously plea sed wi th the re sults .

A sked wh at sh e co nsidered th e p ri ncipal reason fo r h er

changed condi tion she replied that she though t it due p rin
,

c ipa lly t o her change of ment al at t it ude Her fo rmer .

s elf co ns ciou sne ss and reserve had give n place t o a feel ing
-

t ha t the sex rel at ion was nice and legi t imate and somet hi ng ,

t o be fully enj oyed .

O ne o the r cas e al o ng thi s li ne revealed in some re c ent

c o rrespo ndence wh ich I qu o te in pa r t
, .
 N ecessit yo f Univers al Kno wledge o f th e A r t o f Lo ve 2 91

Dec 1 1 , 1 92 0
. .

My Dear M r Robie .

A month ago I lea rned through a profes sio nal friend of

“
, ,
”
your book Sex and L ife as t h e bes t in it s field and have
, , ,

s i nce purchased and read mos t of it L ike o t he rs who .

r ead it , I p resume I am at once temp ted t o j oi n yo ur

,

corre spo nde nce school O n a separ at e sheet I amthere

.

”
fore givi ng you in t he third pers on a hypothet i c al prob
, ,

lem and asking some ques tions . .

I am taki ng t he libert y of e nclosi ng a c heck though I ,

u nde rst and how you are qui t e ready t o give advi c e wi thout
t hough t of it .

M y wife has read qui t e a li t t le of your book t o o and I ,

rather t hi nk pla ns a let te r t o you also Never havi ng see n .

t hi ng like t his in pri nt before she has had som , e ment al

adjus tments to make t o go even as far as she has in accept
,

ing your co nclusio ns ; bu t she feels wi th m e t ha t

y o u c an

help her wit h advice further : and I hope she does w ri te .

Si nce rely ,

H is to ry

Hu sba nd good health college and u nive rsit y graduate

, , ,

no early i nst ruct io n in ma t t ers of sex Began mas turba .

t io n at ten or eleven ; a ye ar or t w o be fore emi s sio n result ed .

Co nt i nued wi t h perhaps above average freq u enc y i nt o col

lege years and less thereafter A ggravat ed probably by
, .

phimosis ; circumci sed at twent y three a few mo nth s before -

,

ma rriage Experienc ed th e usual ment al depressio n due t o

.
,

ignorance of c ause and eff ec t Co ns ul t ed family physician

.

during college days and was a ssu red of no i nj urious result s

, .

Never h ad sexual i ntercourse u nt il married .

Wife apparently never any k no w ledge even of the possi

,

b ilities of mas t urba t ion ; and sligh t se xual desire at any

time eve n du ring lo ng e nga gem ent
,
Duri ng ten years of a .

mos t devoted and int im at e m arried li fe has expe rie nced ,

complet e sa tisfact ion throu gh natural orgas m o nly o nc e .

R elief acco rded as i ndica ted o n p age 3 6 2 paragraph o ne , ,

2 92 T he Art o f Lo ve

Sex and L ife ( I.t here advised t i t illa t io n of cli t o r i s by

fi nger when orgasm could no t be obtained in th e natur al
way ) .

A certain reluc ta nce to this met h o d somet imes st ill e xis t s ;

and t h e fi rs t s t ro ng impressio n o n re adi ng your book seeme d
t o be t ha t the more natu ral result by t ouch i ng th e cerv ix
mus t be obt ai ned Book fi rst read during pre mens t rual
.
-

period and pract ical hys teria nearly resulted for some t im e
,

o ne eve ni ng Every t hi ng all right since and poi nt of view

.
,

and cont entme nt normal .

T rouble over sy nchro ni z i ng t h eo rgasm s has co nside ra

.
bly
worried th e husband His d iffic ulty is in retarding ; ej acu
“
.

latio n wi th o rgasm very p rompt Your advice o n p relim .

”
inar ies not ed ; b u t how i ndulge in t hese and no t accelera t e
hu sband also ? I nabili ty to sa tisfy wife has at t im e s
apparently produced practically an a nxie ty neurosis ; o r ,

is t hi s psycho sexual impotence ?

-

What advice have you for bot h pa rticularly t he husband ,

?

Is po t as sium ni t rate or salt pet re of any value ?

Is manipulat ion you suggest p 3 6 2 permis sible ei the r in
, .
,

manu al or lingual form from ethical physiological and , ,

mental poi nts of view ?

Dec 1 7, 1 92 0
. .

Dear S n
Your let t er check and hypothet ical que st ions at h and
, , .

The check was u nnecessary ; b u t si nce you are so good I ,

wil l t ry to earn it It really doe s come ha ndy as th e

.
,

yo u ngest boy no w in college uses some money ; and I am

, ,

s o swa mped wi th co rresponde nce and general pract ice and ,

wi th t ryi ng t o finish before the first of the year t he bo ok

“T he A rt of L ove ” t hat I have no t t ime t o make o ut bill s
,

and collect I should have had the book do ne bu

. t have h ad ,

t o go to many places t hrough th e summer and have h ad

many here t o see me besides my local work The publish er
, .

was a little prev ious in annou nci ng it bu t no w I th ink t h at ,

two o r t h ree weeks will see it d o ne .

I thi nk it would be w ell for you and y o u r wife t o re ad

2 94 The A rt o f Lo ve

or wi thdr a w and keep st imulat ing her u nt il she is ex c i ted

t horoughly T hen if you have d iffi cu
. lty in get t i ng a no th er
erect ion let her help you T his will do no ha rm It is
, . .

bett er for you t o have th ree or four orgasms at o ne ses sio n

if you c an get her t o have o ne wi t h you t hen wait t ill you ,

c an repeat th e pro c es s eve n if it is a week or tw o rat her

, ,

t han keep at it every day or t wo or t h ree and no t get , , ,

r espo nse fro m h er .

If it is impossible to get respo ns e from h er in t he na tu ral

way your method or any met h o d similar is j ustifi able and
, ,

neces sary morall y physicall y mentally

, , You speak of the , .

li ngual me thod I do no t remember t ha t I speak of t his in

“Sex and L ife ” but I amment io ni ng thi s wi th illus t rat ions
.

,
“
in the A rt of Love ”
Your wife i nevi tably someti me in
.
,

her gi rlhood go t some impression of sexual mat t ers She

, .

very likely saw some sexual sight o r other and had some ,

sexual feeli ng at t he time T hi s may have been lo ng since .

forgotte n o r forced o ut of h er mind T his might mak e

, .

her c rave ce rtai n thi ngs o r make certai n th i ngs repugnant

t o her
“
.

”
Lo ok at c asees 3 3 1 and 3 3 0 p 1 6 7 Sex and Life A , .
, .

fu rther elaboration of t hat woman s cas e is t his A ft er

’
.

they had read my fi rst book s and he had t ried all p r o per ,

form s of preparat ion it was fou nd th at while h er breast s

, ,

were somewh at sensi t ive she flew int o a panic and los t all ,

her feeli ng as soon as he t ouched her clit oris It seems sh e .

had told him of her early au t o erot i sm but had no t go ne

-
,

i nt o de t ails T hey fi nally came t o see me H e is a dis

. .

tingu ished p rofesso r she highly ed ucate d wonderfully fine

, ,

p eople dead in love with each other ; and yet they had almo st
,

broken up bec au se of no t gett i ng adju sted

“
.

I said t o her Th ere is somethi ng tha t you have no t t o ld

,
”
at have forgo tt en She said t here was and insi sted o n
.
,

t elli ng me it in he r husband s prese nce though he o ff e red

’
,

t o le ave the room Here is all the re w as to it She h ad t old

. .

himof aut o e ro t i sm in a general way b u

-
t as a matt er of fac t ,

her fi rst experie nce wi th it was when lying o n a veranda o n

a we stern ranch at four or five and a fly c rawled o ve r h er ,

clit o ris and awok e sexual feeling and she had an o rgasm , .
 N ecessity o f Universal K no wledge o f the Art o f Lo ve 2 95

She afterwards all o wed fliees to do this and she never before ,

t old any o ne of it, becau se she felt so ho rribly ash amed and
humiliated abou t it .

I soon showed her t hat t hat was nothi ng to be a sh amed o f ,

and told her t ha t no w it was o ff her mi nd she would no t resi st

bu t would love t o have her husband c aress her cli t ori s .

Within t hree o r fou r d ays she had an o rgasm he stimula t ing ,

t he cli t ori s u nt il she went wild wi th desi re then begi nni ng ,

i ntercourse .

T hes e are the h appies t people you eve r saw They have .

i ntercourse somet imes twice some t imes five o r six t i mes a

,

week averaging t h ree o r four I nvariably she has a del ight

, .

ful orgasm T hey say that they never knew before what
.

love and ma rriage were H e is as happy as she ; bot h are in

.

the best of health .

I relat e this no t bec au se t here may be any analogy bu

, t ,

t o show you people how t irvial a t hi ng it may be t ha t pre

ve nts perfect adj u stment, though you people are already
adjus ted better t h an m any couple s .

Let me be hypo thet ical You spoke of the li ngual method

. .

T ha t may mean th at you have see n t hi s ma neuver which ,

is general in the lowe r a nimals or that you have heard it ,

me ntioned or in so me way have come t o think of it as desir

,

able. O n t he ot he r ha nd your wit em , ay have seen somethi ng

of the k ind o r she and some child o f eithe r sex may at
, ,

fi ve o r six o r ten o r twelve h ave t ried so methi ng of th e ki nd

, , .

T his migh t make thi s no w see m ve ry desi rable o r ve ry

repugnant .

If a ny t hi ng of the ki nd happens t o be the case it is j u st ,

as prope r and na tu ral t o re so rt t o t hi s me thod as any or ,

to any method wh atever as it would be to eat with chop

,

s t ick s if o ne ha d been re ared in Chi na in a Chi nese family , .

I c an help you bot h mo re if your wife wi ll wri te wha teve r

is in her mi nd and her att i tude t oward t he whole subj ect
, .

If she is shy about t elli ng you all thes e thi ngs she c an ,

w ri te t o me and I will reply to her ; and she can show you

,

t he let t ers at o nce o r never as she el ec ts She c an put

—
, , .

some m ark o n the letter which you c an wri t e me ab o ut no t

s ign it — ,

j u st a wri tt en o r typew ri tten statement Then no .

2 96 The A rt o f Love

o ne can di scover the author , s hould it fall by ac cid ent int o

o hands
the r .

O i cou rs e it is po ss ible that she is o ne o f t he wo me n w ho

develo p sl owly and has no t yet come t o full s exual maturi ty
, .

P a rticularly I should lik e to k now if your wife ge ts e xc i te d

up to a ce rt ain po int be fo re or during intercou rse and th en ,

excitem ent dies aw a y ; or is she going alo ng wi t h increasi ng

exci tem ent when

yo u h av e to s t op because y o ur org as m
occurs ? In other words, w ould she get comple te sat is fac tion
if you c ould c o ntinue long eno ugh ?
S incerel y,
W . F R o am
. .

De ar Mr R o b xe .

Yo ur wel come answer o f Dec 1 7 to my l et t er of Dec 1 1 . .

arrived o n Ch ris tmas Day which fact I interp re t as a goo d

,

omen fo r us and indica tive o f th e Chris t ian s pi rit o f ser vi ce

which permeat es your wo rk and wri t ings .

We are fo llowi ng your advice and can repo rt s ome pro g

res s but as yet no c o m fl et el
“ n ch o niz ed
”
u l t I
, l y sy r re s s .

s hould like t o ask how s oon af t er o ne orga sm it is e xpe c ted

t ha t t he hu sband shoul d be re ady co m pletely fo r a sec o nd

a ttempt .

My dear wife and I have t alked over what yo us ay h ave ,

read more of your bo ok t oget he r and are mu tually working ,

o n thi s p roblem of th e most beau tiful phys ical expression of

w edded love It seems almo st absurd fo r o ld married folk s ” ‘

“
.

”
l ike ou rsel ves st ill t o h ave t his a p ro blem ; but from wh at
you say and from wh at I lea rn elsewhe re, I guess we are in
no respect u nique .

As yo uh ave suggested my wife h as gotten up h er c ourage

,

t o wri te you fully he rs elf and I know enough of wh at sh e

h as w ri tten to know how com plete]y she has po ure d o ut her
s oul in th ese t wo lett e rs and what u nre s erved co nfid ence sh e
“ ” “
,

h as in you Wo man is i ndeed a sensit ive plant

. P ara .

d ise R egai ned is al ready my new name fo r m

” i
y w fe !
Th e re is li ttle fo r me t o ask o r add u nt il yo uh ave read
and answer ed her two let te rs .

P e rmi t me to compliment you o n you r abili t y in lett e r

w ri t ing . It is rare in t hese d ay s t o find o ne who evidently
2 98 The A rt o f Lo ve ,

I was able to keep the finger o n the clit oris wh ile i nsert i ng ,

and th e res ult w as as state d ; b ut my e rect ion was o nly

part ial and inadeq u at e and t here was no climax for me
, .

T ha t nigh t how ever though I t ried again and fi nish ed

, , ,

myself I could no t make it mutual

'

, .

L as t night a gain I failed t o give s at i s fact io n th ough ,

bri ngi ng her nearly t o a cli max leaving her wanting b ut ,

unwilling for anyt hing artifi c ial ; and we slept separat el y

for the fi rst t ime in years Our love is so deep in every way
.
,

it seems as if t his m us t wo rk o ut .

The Wife : ’
Let ter:

Dec 28, 1 92 0
. .

M y Dear Dr R obie .

M y husband h as a sked me you ; and aft er t hi nk

t o wri te
ing over our whole problem in all its phases I feel t ha t t he
only way I c an get any help from this wonderful opport unity
is t o t ell you ab solu tely everyt hi ng (which h as t aken m e

nearly a mont h to get re ady t o do ) .

From th e day we were married nearly ten years ago my , ,

husband h as po ured o ut o n me such a wealth of de epes t

love sympat hy and tenderness that it seems wrong for me
, , ,

t o ask anyt h inu g mo re .

Ju st a word about him which wil l exp lai n later my feel

,

i ngs : H e is a leader in t he communi ty a man defined cul , ,

tu r ed honorable who se m o tto in life is servic e a m

, , an who se ,

int egrity is u napproachable a leade r in busi ness as well as

, ,

in professi o nal circle s of high p ri nciple s a st udent as well

, ,

as a m an of act ion and above all a leader in our church

,

a man t o whom o ur pa st or often come for advice they are

s — ,

fa st friend s .

T he night we were married he pro m ised should be my

o wn ; and it w as all in the be au ty o f spi ri tu al love wi t h no
, ,

ment io n of any thi ng beyo nd in a physical sense , .

A t th ist ime we had bee n separated for more t han a ye ar ;

and I k now no w what a gift t hat meant f rom a yo u ng

—
man of t wenty three t o lie beside th e girl he loved t c
—
- -

t ake her in h is arm s after more t han a ye ar o f sep ara t i o n fl

 N ecessity of Universal Kno wledge of t he A rt o f Lo ve 299

and to u ie l ,
—
lie q t y talking all nigh t lo ng a man who is
st ro ng sexually heal thy normal !
, ,

T he second nigh t he t ried i ntercourse w i th my conse nt ; ,

bu t of course it was a poor a tt empt and th at nigh t he bega n ,

th e art ific ial way .

A s t he mno th s and years went o u though he did no t do ,

it ofte n and always o nly because I go t no feeli ng fro mthe

,

natural way th e idea bega n t o daw n o n m et h at t here m

, us t
be some thing wro ng wi th me physically ; for I never fel t
even an approach to th e orgasm duri ng i nte rcourse and —
t he n tha t I w as no t a pure woma n—and w hat was wo rse th a t ,

Iw as draggi ng a pure man down wit h me .

I felt t hat it was all so terribly w ro ng ; and yet it puzzled

me t o t hi nk a man could give a woman such o ther wise p ure ,

holy helpful and unselfish love ; and I k new all the time that
, ,

he w ould do any th i ng o n earth withi n his power to m ake me

happy
T his went o n for so m e five ears ; and the n o ne nigh t ,

without t h e slight es t wa rni ng duri ng a second i ntercourse

, ,

s oo n af t er t he fi rs t o ne and wi thou t an
, y prepara t io n by m v

husband s hand s ca me my o ne and o nly orgasm duri ng

’
,

i nte rcourse and then from the ha ppi ness of th at mome nt

, , ,

I fully expec ted it alw ays to be t he same ; but fo r fi ve yea rs

more never o nce has this occurred
, .

Duri ng i nt erc ours e I have no o ther feeli ng bu t o ne of

ove rpow ering love for my husband to whom I feel t hat I ,

amgiving my whole self ; and yet af t erwa rd nearly al w ays , ,

I long for someth i ng more It is very st ro ng and often .

,

t hough I have no t asked my husband has give n m ,

e relief

in the art ific ial way Th is has led me t hrough emo t ions dur
. ,

ing t h e te n years rangi ng from des perat e lo ng ing for the

,

right way t he fulles t exp re ssion of love to feeli ng tha t I

, ,

have been so far from bei ng a pure wife in my relat io ns to

o ne of t he fi ne s t m en w ho ever breathed tha t I have t ri ed ,

my bes t t o kill all se x i ns ti ncts ; and I al ways could e xcep t ,

duri ng the fi rst week af t e r mens t ruat ion when my whole ,

bei ng craved th e thi ng which only my husband could give .

T he n aft erw ard tha t fe e li ng of bei ng m o rally we ak ca m e;

and how I have wa nt ed t o turn t o someone fo r ad vice !
3 00 The A rt o f Lo ve

A s you can see, I amfu lly awakened sexua lly No wo man .

cou ld help bei ng, w ith the t ender caressi ng of s uc u a man ;

and yet t h ere h as s eemed no way o u t fo r me excep t t h e o ne
which I h ave ha t ed .

I ca nno t u nders t a nd why if Icould experi ence one o rgasm

m
du ri ng t en ye ars , it s ee s so i mp o ssible to do it again I .

do feel that we do no t h ave time enough ; for wit hout co n

t rac eptio n I have bu t o ne week du r ing the fou r ; and of

course we cannot be do ing that eve ry night for a week o r —

s hou ld we ? Oh , how I wish we could wo rk t hi s thing o u t,
no w tha t I k now t he gio ry of be i ng my h usba nd s e nt i rely
’

“
.

”
U nt il I re ad you r bo o k , Sex and L ife , th e th ings which
m — —
wo rried e th e most was a terro r ! which I ne ver ex
p ressed to my lov er, t hat I wou ld have an imbecile ch iI d fro m
t his th i ng ! T hat o u r child ren were per fect , phy sically a nd
m ent ally , was a m irele, I t ho u ght , and only because I
prayed w ith de spera t ion to be forgiven and helped be fo re
t hei r births, and the fac t , t o o , that I kep t my sel f duri ng m
'

y
entire pregnanc ies from any sex feel i ng, though alll o w ing
inte rco u r se freely and w ill i ngly duri ng the fi rst few m o nths .

O ften, fo r my s ake , my hu sband h as t ried i nt ercourse t he

seco nd time , u nt il I w as sore and had t o stop h im , wi t h no

response fro m me , th ough I have t ried .

Now if, as you say, the prepar at ion should be by ha nd ,

j u st how f ar shou ld t h at go ? A lso , we have t ried so ma ny
po si tio ns during i ntercourse ; and finally no w always I lie a
littie to wa rd my righ t side , wh ich was th e posi t io n of my o nly
‘

succe ss N o feeling at all ever starts, t h o ugh many t1 mes

“
.

”
my hu sband makes me finish fi rst in the art i ficial way,
wh ich almos t always leaves me wi th the quee rest feeli ng of
m
w ant ing o re inside , b ut which is neve r relieved during ia
ter c o urse

We have t alked thi s all ove r many t ime s e xcept the worry
,

of the art ifi c ial t hi ng ; and the n my hu sba nd knew th at I

worried th ough I di d no t know tha t he did unt il he t old
‘

me after readi ng your book

— —
.
,

It is all such a sa red th i g s beau ti ful, so h oly and

c n o

it seem s t o me we are ready at all t im es for the complet e

c o nsummation ; and yet it is s o elus ive Wherei n lies the.

3 02 The I
l ri o f Lo ve

Can you imagine t hen my utter ast o nishme nt when I

, ,

re ad your chap t er o n t h e
“A rt of Love ”
t o see there be fore ,

my eyes in c old print from the hands and brai n of a doct or

, ,

scie nt is t ,and s pecialist t he advoca tio n and advice for all

h usbands to do t o al l wives the very t hi ng my husba nd was
doing t o me and which I was t ryi ng to resis t ? Like A li c e
,

in Wo nderland my wo nder grew and grew ! I was simply

,

p e t r ifi ed ,and read it over and over agai n ! W as it po s sible

I could allow myself to enj oy it ?
I h ave never come so near t o hy steria in all m y life I .

could sc arcely control myself ! Never did I know tha t so

ma ny powerful emot ions could sweep a h uman body and soul !
—
I was no t coarse j us t human and natural ; and above all ,

I could love my husband s love Go d was in His Heaven and ’

.

all right wi t h the world !

Before I was married I knew vaguely t h at men loved gi rl s ’

—
b re as ts and i ntercours e but any t hi ng betwee n t hese
t w o thi ngs ab solu t ely never ent ered my head ; and I though t
myself a well i nfo rmed girl who se mother had alway s t o ld
-
,

her everythi ng !
A year ago after swimmi ng wi th my hu sband o n a vac a
, ,

t i o n t rip aft er ret u rni ng to our room at the ho t el whe n I

“
, ,

had no idea of what he was doing or go i ng to do he k is sed ,

me as he called it produ ci ng such a powe r ful orgas m th at

, ,

Iw as frigh tened and asked him never to repea t it It w as

so st ra nge—
.

s uch a new idea -

I dared no t even thi nk of it
aga m .

O f c o u rse he did as I asked u nt il we re ad y o ur bo ok aft er ,

which t hings see med to lead up to it so naturally t hat I

a llowed it again abou t th ree nights ago .

Y ou don t ment ion it in y o ur book

’
P le ase t ell me all
—
.

abou t that to o It is st ill so new somehow I don t u nder

.
’

s tand such a st range u nfamili ar world to ente r Will you

-
, .

lead me to th e light ?
M y hu sband h as alway s u sed such beau tiful exp re ss ions
and ende ari ng t erms wi th h is gentlene ss during all his love
, ,

acts , t hat it has m ade it so much h arder to re si st !

 N ecessity o f Universal K no wledge o f the A r t of Lo ve 3 03

Years ago M ot her t old me of a friend of hers who h ad

been married years and years , whose husband had never seen
her breas ts A s sh e implied that this was th e highest typ e
.

of wifehood , you c an perhaps reali z e wha t an i mpressio n it

made o n my mi nd after marriage .

I s till t hi nk M other was righ t in t eachi ng me t hese high

ideals before marriage It was jus t that I needed y o u so.

much soon afte rward as I need you no w t o give me per

, ,

s o nal assura nce and guida nce in my e te rnal cycle which I ,

have lived over and over agai n of resis tance rep ression,
—
, ,

lo ngi ng yieldi ng and regre t !

, ,

A nd eve rywhere we have lived so ma ny people have t old ,

M o ther and have t old us tha t ours was o ne of the mo st

, ,

id eal ly happy m arriages t hat t hey had ever seen

P leas e Dr R obie P LE ASE !
, .
,

Baldwinsville M ass J an , .
, . 1 0, 1 92 1 .

Dear M r .

I have wri tten your wi fe a disj oi ned le tter in the mid st ,

o f work thi nki ng and dic tat i ng

, , .

Yours mus t be brief Ho w ever I will try to cover th e .

,

immediat e essent ials I co ngratulat e you o n havi ng a wife

.

who t ruly loves and so fully appreci at e s you I al so co n .

gratulate o n o n t h e grea t progress you have made in ove r

comi ng the o b st aclese t o a perfect physical co nsummati o n o f
t hat love .

It depends o n t he man how soo n he c an repeat W ith .

o ne the interm al may be t wo o r three mi nu te s wi th ano the r ,

fi ft een mi nu tes t o half an hour It depends a good deal o n .

how lo ng you have been abs t inent how you are feeli ng and , ,

how responsive or seduct ive your wife is at the t ime I

, , .

wrot e your wife regardi ng the li ngual met hod ; and will only
s ay here tha t if thi s co nt r ibu t e s t o her pleas u re by all means ,

use it especial] yas a prelimi nary

, .

M anu al li ngual and natural would so far as I can lea rn,

, , ,

be i nc reasingly ereth ic T he li ngual would give mo re of a

.

personal se nsat ional delight while the natural is mo re a

, ,

weldi ng of deligh t ful se nsat io ns i nt o a final mutual so ul ,

commu ni o n .
3 04 The A rt o f Love

I think you are entirely righ t l n t hinki ng th at your wife 8 ’

forme r ment al att itudew as th e chief bar to perfect mu t u al

ity. Your unfo rtunate experience New Year 8 eve was ’

doubtless due to a ttempt ing new method s in st range sur

roundings ; but your succes s next day was part ially due t o
her carrying over some of th e exci tement of the night befo re ;
so that efi o rt was no t wasted aft er all
'

, .

It is possib le that in you r p rese nt enthu si asm yo u are

maki ng att empt s t o o frequently It may be well to have .

i ntervals of a few days ; but do no t sleep separat ely du ri ng

t hese i ntervals Do no t expec t aft er your wife be gi ns to
.
,

have nat ural orgasm s t hat the will be frequent at fi rst

, .

I know B rill and h ave met F reud and heard him lect u re
, ,

and I endo rse mos t of th e view s of bo th My ch ief c ri t ici sm .

would be that Freud part icularly seem s no t to be sufi ciently

conce rned abo ut the ideal side .

I know of no phy sicia n in you r sect ion i nterested o r versed

in the se matters though there are u ndoubt edly ma ny such
, .

I amsendi ng c arbo n copy of some M s by expres s which .

,

you c an retu rn aft er you and you r wi fe h ave read it .

Jan 1 1 , 1 921
. .

M y de ar M rs .

You r le t ters o ne and t wo and you r hu sband s lette r

, ,
’

reached me t oday I am dic tat i ng t o M rs R obie all the

. .

t ime I can s teal fro mmy pract ice ; for I am d et ermi ned t o
fi nish my book “ T he A rt of L ove ”
thi s week
, , .

Bu t I cannot b ar t o t hi nk of your co nti nu ing ano the r

day o r anoth er hou r, unless necessary su ffe ri ng from self ,

reproach as you have done all your married life ii thro ugh
, ,

any i nst rumental ity of mi ne it c an be p revented

“
.
,
”
You know I said so mewhere in Sex and L ife th at I co n
s idered each couple wh o m I had helped l n a ny way t o make
t hei r love mo re pe r fect as the red m
, a nco nsidered each addi
t io nal scalp at h is gi rdle When the day comes that you and
.

you r hu sband add pe rfect physic al aflih at1o n t o your p res

ent pe r fec t spiri t ual r appo rt
“ ”
it will be a red lett er day
,

for me as well as fo r you T he c o nsciousness o f havi ng been

,
.
3 06 The A r t o f Lo ve

you r ma rriage would h ave kept you fro mthe nigh t mare o f
,

fear and self reproach which came t o mar your o t herwis e

-

p e rf ect love .

Y our poor woman ! to h ave su ff ered all t hese years fea ri ng ,

an imbec ile c hild as a re su l t of the slight artifi ciality w hic h ,

s ince you could no t get a na tural orgasm in t he na t ural w ay ,

p robably kep t you f ro m a serious nervous breakdow n !

Do you k now tha t in early days the Ca t holic church urge d
t his ac t if t h e woma n fail ed t o get th e o rgas m nat ura l ly ?
It was the n thought t ha t with ou t orgasm a woman could no t
c o nceive . I had a woman sent t o me o ne t ime adj udged ,

i nsane by two physicians her condit io n be i ng brought o n

,

c h icfly by worry si nce sh e could get an orgas m only wh e n

,

h er husband appro a c hed her from behi nd She thought t his .

dreadfully wrong ; and so did he for t hat matt er ; yet as , ,

am a tter of fac t ma ny women c an get orgasm o nly in t h i

,

way ; and it is j us t as legi t imate as any other way Anoth er .

wom an whose hu sba nd did no t u nderst a nd enough of t h e

art of love to give her an orga sm was nearly i nsane feari ng
i nj ury to her u nbo rn child because her desires uns at isfi ed ,

b y her husba nd had forced her t o au t o erot ic relief du ri ng -

p gre na n cy
“Lord how long ?
.

For your encouragement I am sendi ng to you r husba nd

“
,
”
a li ttle of th e carbon copy of the M s for th e A rt of Love . .

O ne sec t io n describes t wo ca se s o ne almos t ident ical wi th ,

you rs and th e o ther far wors e I firs t saw bo th of these

, .

c ases a little over a year ago and have lea rned si nce t he ,

re ceipt of your hu sba nd s first lett er that both are perfectly

’

ad j us t ed and happy beyo nd wo rd s T acked o n to t ha t .

chap t e r are po rt io ns of t his correspo ndence which I hope ,

you will allow t o go i nt o the book wi th thi s lett er If my , .

c am ou fl aging is no t su ffi c ient make such cha nges as you and

,

y ou r hu sba nd de si re .

Wh at more can I say ? I thi nk that all that is neces sary

is fo r you t o give up ut terly and be perfec tly pliable u nder
“
,

you r hu sband s hands ; and when you b ecome sufficiently

”’

mo is t and sufficiently aroused be eq u ally pliable and very

,

resp o nsive d u ri ng th e act i tself .

 N ecessity o f Universal Kno wledge o f the A r t o f Lo ve 3 07

I am goi ng t o wri te him t o be a l o ng t i me abo ut this ,

and if no t successful the firs t t ime t o re pe at as soo n aft er ,

as he is able Do no t worry for fear t hi s w ill h urt him I

. t .

will no t do so It is bet t er as I said in my fo rmer le tt er to

.
,

him t o take lot s of t ime and rep e at and the n wai t a rea
, ,

sonable t ime before you t ry aga in Y o u sh o ul d re p o se .

much c o nfidence in him in these matters ; for he already

k nows a great deal abo u t them and I sh all gi ve h im all the
addi tio nal i nfo rma t io n I am able B e s ure to selec t you r .

o wn t ime and pl ace for i nt ercour s e s o t h at you m ay feel ,

perfec tly free and h ave no fea rs of i nterru pt io n

,
“
.

”
A s t o t he k is si ng experie nc e whi c h yo u m ent ion t ha t ,

is what it really is If you bo th enj oy thi s it is s till bett er

.
,

t ha n his ha nds as a preli m i nary ; and u nt il y o u are able t o

t a perfe c tly nat ural orgasm in i nt e rco u s e ado t an of
g e r p y
t hese ways of att ai ni ng an orgasm Whi ch mo st a ppeals t o
you D o no t allow yourself t o be c o me t o o a nxi o us abou t the
.

perfec t cons ummat io n ; and do no t go withou t some sort of

art ifi c ial orgasm w hile you are w ai t i ng for t he
“ perfect
day ? ’

A fte r you have become perfec tl y re s po nsive in t he na t ural

way there w ill be no harm in fo llo w i ng th e se o th e r me t hods
,

no w and th e n if they are gra t ifyi ng t o b o th of yo u I n t he .

meatime be togeth er sleep t o gether l o ve each other

, , , .

D o n t be afraid of yo ur hu sba nd ; t ell h im everythi ng tha t

’

is in your soul H e loves yo u t o di strac t io n If he c alls

“
. .

”
you P ara dise Regai ned no w wh en yo u are j us t begi nning ,

t o fi nd yoursel f wha t w ord s w ill ex pres s h is d e li gh t whe n

,

h is every t ouch ki s s and sens at io n are rec i p ro c at ed by you ?

, ,

P lease w ri te m e fre ely if any furt her q ue stions o c c ur to

you ; and in any eve nt let me kno w of your pro gress .

Si nc erely ,

W F Ro am . . .

P S . I no t e fromy o ur l et ter that yo ur s uc c ess ful orgasm

.

came when th e act w as p ro lo nge d and y o ur h ub and h ad .

r ep ea t e d K eep th is in mi nd fo r t he fu ture
. I t rust tha t .

before th i s you have given up all eff o rt at repre s s i ng yo ur

desires for yo ur h ub and o n e th ic al gro und s T h i nk of t he
s
,
.

act with him ! read co nce rni ng t hese t hi ngs ; and t alk th em
,
3 08 The A rt o f Lo ve

over to gether befo re begi nni ng i ntercourse You should no t .

co nfine your intercourse t o o ne week in t he mo nth ; b u t if

you do elect t o do this he will probably need i nt ercourse ,

nearly every night though it is doub t ful if you will get

,

much sat isfaction after tw o or th ree at t emp t s o n tw o o r

t h re e co nsecu t ive day s Y o u should allo w your h usba nd
.
,

for the present at least to cont i nue prepari ng you wi t h h is

, ,

hands or by o ther methods u nt il o n are nea r the orga sm ; ,

and t he n he should keep o n s t imul at i ng you if possible while

he is ente ri ng .

T ry a va riety of po si t ions I would sugge st that you r .

husband will probably be able to pro long the act better if

you are above him ast ride o ne leg and wi th h is ha nds o n
, ,

your hips Really I do no t t hi nk it is th e po sit io n no r th e

.
, ,

particular manipulat ion t hat cau ses the t roubles in your ,

case but your st a te of mind

, .

I amglad that my w ords led yo ut o understand that the re

was no thi ng coarse in our emo t ions t o a conscio u sness t ha t ,

y o u were a pure and l o vi n g w ife t ha t G o d was in H is Heave n

,

and all was right wi th the world

“ —
.

Instead of resi stance repression longi ng yieldi ng and , , ,

”
regret ,let your wa tchwo rds for the fu ture be j oyfu l acqui
escence naked commu nio n of bodie s as pure as your s ouls
,

are u tter abandon of self in t hat o ther self dearer t o you

, ,

t ha n y o ur o wn erethic exalt a tio n of the phy sical i nt o a

,

s pi ri tual more t ranscendent t ha n a n t h ing your spiri t h as

y
t co nceived of T ha t were be t t e t ha n
“fi ft year of
y e r y s
“
.

”
Eu ro pe or a cycle of Ca th ay .

Dreams c o me t rue That ideally happy marri age th at

.

your friend s have seen from the ou tside will when wi sdom ,

is com plete be perfec t ed o n t he i nside Th en you will endors e

“
, .

th e p roverb Her way s are way s of pleas antness and all

, ,
”
her pat hs are peace
“
.

Shoul d any man in the fut u re say tha t my bo ok Th e ,

”
Art o f Love is wrong o r impu re or unj u
, st ified I h ave o nly ,

to ci t e t wo such lovi ng soul s as are you and your hu sba nd ,

op i ng fo r the ligh t of perfect love and he mu st be u tt erly

g r ,

c onf o unded .

W . F R . .
3 10 The Art o f Lo ve

t h e w eal th of detail which I have in my posse ssion is no

s mall t ask b u
, t I sha ll att e m pt t o do this leavi ng o ut all b ut ,

the pa rts ne c es s ary t o illus t rat e the poi nt s I have in m ind .

T o begi n wi th all these men and w ome n w ere mor al people

,

of high ideals They all married for love T heir ma rriages

. .

were wha t I should call ideal in t hat their at t ract i o ns were

,

predomi nantly based o n perso nal wort h and psychic adapt a

b ility and all w ere i ncide nt a lly rather tha n predomi na nt ly
,

sense at tract ions A ll t hese men and women were subl imely
.

ignorant of the force and value of sex in ma rriage T he .

women w ere ignorant of a man s nature and needs the men ’

,

were igno rant of a w oman s needs and na ture ; and all of

’

t hem m
, en and wo m en alike believed t ha t highes t ideals
, ,

physical health and effi ciency dema nded that sex relat io ns
should be reduced t o th e lowes t te rms T hey all coveted .

lives of repression thi nki ng t hi s necessary for phy sical

,

st rength and et hical perfect io n With t hese premises t hese

—
.
,

couples a tt empt ed life o n a super physical plane T hey had .

no knowledge of th e sex psycholo gy of m an o r of woman

—
,

no r did they wa nt any they were above and beyo nd it

, .

T heir o nly co ncern w as t o forget and mi nimi ze sex T he .

hu sband s sex desires compelled some relief which was a e com

’

p lish ed by h a s t y i ndulge nce an d s elf reproach for t h e s ame ,

without thought of observat io n of the eff ec t of this o n the

wives T he you ng w ife oft en u ns t irred by her hu sband s
.
,
’

has ty love ac ts thought him gro ss for havi ng sexual de sire

,

at all . La ter w he n she c ame t o a reali z a tion that a woman

,

also h as t ormenti ng sex desi res she thought herself degen ,

c ra t e or u nwoma nly for havi ng s u ch desires .

Neither recogni z ed the de sirabili ty and deligh t and per

f ec t sat isfac t io n of perfect mu tuali t y in th e sexual embrace ;
t hought b o th soon recogniz ed t ha t m arriage was no t wh at
they had expec ted t hat somet hi ng was missi ng t h at the ir
, ,

love fo r e ach o th e r i nstead of growi ng w arme r and purer

,

from day to day was growi ng cooler and gros ser Since
, .

ma rriage wa s no t wha t had bee n expec te d e ff o rt s o n bo th ,

sides w ere redoubled t o develop individuali ty and to pursue ,

ou tside i nte res ts M y rea sons fo r meeti ng the se people were

.

tha t h u sb and or wi fe o r both h ad bec o me neurotic , o r h ad

 Necessity o f Universal K no wledge o f the A rt o f Lo ve 3 1 1

become e st ranged from each o t her or had become i nfa tua ted ,

out side th e home .

A s a ru le at the t ime th ey came to me t heir sexual rela

, ,

t io ns had been reduced from infreque ncy t o o nce or t wic e

a mont h or even o nce in tw o or three mo nths fi ve ten or
, , ,

t we nty years aft er marriage In discussing t heir sex li ves

.
,

s everal of t hese couples t old me t hat t hey had been i nformed .

or had read t hat o nce a mo nth was as often as i ntercourse

was permi ssible for married people T hey were ho r rifi ed .

and somet imes disgus ted when I t old t hem as I somet ime s ,

blunt ly did that o nce a day would be bett er in th eir c ase ,

,

p rovided t h e a c t was perfec t ly mut ual

"
.

T hese people had ofte n become acrimo niou s in their co m

ve rs at io ns wi th each ot her T h ey ofte n occupied separat e
.

apa r tments T hey lived their o wn separa te lives

. T his is .

hard enough and u nphysiological e nough for si ngle people ,

b ut for married people who love each o ther to s t art wit h

it is well night impossible and always disas t ro us , Q uarrel s .
,

neurosis fanat icisms fads physical weak nes s and i nfat ua

, , ,

t io n if no t infid el it y have always o ne or all been pre sent

, , , ,

in both part ies wi t h a mar riage co nduc t ed alo ng the li nes

,

above described Well you say this might have occurred

— —
.
, ,

any way gr anted and you also say whe n I s t ate t hat I ,

have known hu ndreds of homes where perfect sexual adilia

t io n was coi ncident wi t h healt h high att ai nment and hap ,

p in es s
, t ha t t here migh t have bee n t hese wi t hou t t h e s exual
affiliat io n Gra nted al so t hough I in a qua rter of a ce nt ury
.
, ,

of s tudy of homes have never yet seen an illus t rat ion B ut

, .

wha t have you to say whe n I st ate from definit e ob se rva tion ,

s uscept ible of i ncont rovert ible proof th at t he men and ,

w omen alluded t o and scores who were ob served before t hem

, ,

when ready to follow advice and when they were ready for
advice befo re the ir di sease s had become me nt al or se riously
organic have invariably by merely st udyi ng and lovi ng and
, ,

sat isfyi ng each o ther and t hem selves by recogni zi ng and ,

u si ng t heir sex a tt ribu tes thus obtai ni ng the emot ional life
,

and th e soul compa nionship which go with this u se become ,

s t ronge r mo re efficient have fo rgo tt en i nfatuat ions have

, , ,

g ive n up div o r ce pr o ceedi ngs have bec o me happy h ave been

, ,
3 12 The Z rt o f Love

able to accomplish m ore in a year of natural living th an in

y a s of fo me r u nphy iol o gical t rn gle h ave in s hort
i
e r r s s , , ,

become like t he perfect ly afi liat ed c o up es who mI have m en

t io ned , and wh o m eve ryone has not ed ?

D oes no t t h is sho w t h at sex deprivat i o n and its inevit able
resu m
lts ak e fo r weaknes s and inefi cieney ? We al ready
k no w t hat p ro per sex adj u stm ent makes f o r eflicienc
y. It
is j ust as logical t o s ay t hat a strong m an o r woman c an be
as efi cient o n a starva t ion diet as o n a p rope r amou nt of
m
f o od as t o s a t h at a no rmal man o r wo an can be as well
y
and efi eient i n ab solu t e continence , o r su ff e ring fro m sex
dep riv ation, as when m p rope r ma ri tal adj u st ment L ogic .

w ill no t c o nvince, bu t facts must be ad m it ted fo r what they

are worth .
3 14 Th e A rt o f Lo ve

t h at we mus t t each them some anat omy and ph ys iology of th e

s ex orga ns Coupled wit h this are warnings agai nst venere al
.

disease and t he old exho rt at ions t o absolute continence fo r

,

all single peo ple This is abou t th e extent of sex t eachi ng ;

.

s ome improveme nt t o be su re o n a sy st em u nder w hich

, ,

venereal disease pro st it ut ion divorce and infi delity grew

, , ,

apace ; but no t a te achi ng th at will bring a sex educa t io n

broad enough t o prevent t o any great extent t hese ev ils in
, ,

t he fu t u re .

Why I associat e this epoch making a rt icle wi th my chap

-

i n deali ng wi th t he perv ersio ns is he reby explai ned I had .

saved this chap ter o n th e perversions for th e la st to be w rit

ten ; and I fou nd in this a rticle a t ext for what I desired t o
say o n tha t subj ec t t hough t h e art i c le i t self scarcely t ouches
,

o n t he perversio ns and is in e nt ire agreement wi t h my o wn

idea s of general teaching in t ha t subj ect .

While the answers of th e physicia ns are remark ably fra nk

and illuminat i ng while also the work of the commi tt ee is
,

wo nderfully comprehe nsive and of t he grea t e st value in a ,

few c ases the answers of the former are no t part icularly

aut horit at ive ; and in some i nst ance s t he que st io ns and c o n
elusio ns of th e lat te r are serio usly obfuscat i ng .

I wi sh it to be plai nly u nder st ood at th e ou t start t ha t

any thi ng I say is nei ther in a spi ri t of ca rpi ng cri t icism no r ,

o f int eleranc e of an o ne s poi nt of view For I believe

’
.
, ,

reali z e more t ha n I t ha t much of th is fi eld is st ill a ter m

inco gnito and that much of eve ryo ne s t hi nki ng is as y et
,
’

inevi t ably clouded and influ enced by t ra di t ional and u ns c i

e nt i tle teachings .

I merely de sire if I am able t o add a little const ruct iv e

, ,

crit ici sm to thi s wonderful array of op i nion (much of which

is sc ientifi c ally det e rmi ned fa ct as I shall e ndeavor t o show )
, ,

wh ich mu st mark a poi nt of departure for the e arly amelio ra

t io n of o u r no w despera t e i ndividu al and social sex co n

dit io ns .

Whateve r the present wri ter s limitat ions it is po ssible ’

,

t ha t some slight value may accrue from a cross sec t ion made -

by h im of a little of this matter H e h ad no opportuni t y t o .

answer th e ques t io na ry and never saw it uni t] que st io ns and

,
 Hrticle on S ex Ed uc ati o n and Venerc ul D isease
'
3 15

a nswers were combined in the a rti c le re fe rre i t o w 1th th e ,

conclusions of the commit tee ; yet y e ars ago he voi ced , ,

1

opi nions and recorded fa c ts almo s t i dent ic a w it h tho se of .

t h e large maj orit y of m en w h o a ns w e red t he q u es tio nary at ,

a t ime whe n ma ny of t ho s e w h o d ist inc t l v ag ree no w w i t h

his main conclusio ns w oul d h ave c o ns idere d h inL a h eret ic and
an u nsafe member o f society .

He submi ts t hat ma ny of these o pi nio ns whi c h t he a nswe r

ing doct ors have ex pressed are no t as t he c o mmi tt ee says, ,

merely med i c a l o p i nions but sc ientifi c f ac ts th at have been

,

demons t ra t ed similar t o th e fa ct s o f h is o w n re corded

,

obse rva t io ns wh ich h ave le d h imto o p i nio n and c o nclusions

, s

which he has endeavored t o pro pe rly l abel .

It is safely as su med t h at t he large maj o ri ty of those wh o

have answere d this qu es t io nar y h av e dealt f o r many ye ars in
an o p en mi nded w ay w i th t he q
-
ues t io ns inv o lve d C ase afte r .

case h as be en s tud ied ; and fac t after fac t h as been re c orde d ;

and in th e end c o ncl us i o ns have b ee n ar ri ved at of te n d iam et
r ic ally op p o sed t o an O i nio ns h eld t o b e in w ith
y p g .

Wha t is t hi s b ut t he pure st ki nd of i nd uct ive science ? and

w h i le t he da t a f ro m wh i ch t h e ans w e rs w ere derived c ould no t
be re c orde d in th e q uest iona ry is it no t s afe to c o nclude t hat
,

such d ata p reced ed th ese a ns we rs in t he maj or ity of case s ?

O n th e ot h er h and a few o f t h es e men mu
, s t have been so
si tua ted e nviro nment ally or s o li mi t e d t em perament ally that
,

t hey were no t abl e t o d e al w i th t h ese par t ic u lar proble ms

ex tensively T hi s bro ught o ut by many f ra nk expressio ns
.

of doubt in t he answe rs giv en .

A gai n it is l egi t imat e ly as su m

, ed t hat t h e re w ere few ,

l ike t he mas s of t h e pr o fess io n and t he p ubl ic so i m p r eg

,

us ted w i t h th e t rad iti o nal atti tude to w ard s ex tha t like th e , ,

s t ric t ly a nt i F reud ians it w as pr e d et ermine d that t hey

-
,
-

s ho u ld refu se t o see and t o b eli eve wh at the y s aw T hi s .

seems e vi d e nt from o c c as i o nal d o gmat i c c ont rad ictio ns of

what th e large maj ori ty allirm .

Let u s see if t h ere are any gr o u nds for t hese assump t io ns .

1 I refer to R at io nal Sex Et hics, the id e as o f w h ich were used

v erb all
y as early as 1 9 02 , w e re w r it t e n o ut in 1 907-(B , and ub
p lish ed
in 1 91 6
.
3 16 The Z ri o f Lo ve

Will any medical psych o logist or any man wh o h as i nvesti

gated these ques t ions believe for a moment t hat such men as
B rill Brown F ri nk Jellifl e Jo nes M yerso n Whi t e C abo t
'

, , , , , , , ,

Ehrenfes t S w inbo urne have merely exp ressed an opinion

, ,
?

However t hat may be the p resent wri t e r w ill give h is o wn

l ogic .

He happens to have met some o f t hese m en and to have

read t he bo ok s or oth erwise k nown of the wo rk of all of

,

t hem .He canno t fail to know t hat they are bro ad gauge -

men emi nent physicians and that they have had abu ndant
, ,

oppo rtuni t ies to stud y t hese quest ions Th at t hey h ave done .

s o wi t h ope n mi nds is appare nt T here is s omet h ing almo st

.

unca nny in t he similar i ty of the results which t hey have

arrived at i ndepe ndently .

M a ny others have answered the quest ionary in almost

identical te nor wit h those named and it is o nly t he w rit er s
,
’

isolat io n which prevent s him placi ng them in t he same cat e

go ry (whe re they undoubtedly belo ng ) wit h t ho se named .

It is unthi nkable and agai nst all precedent that any of

t hese m en should have o ff hand and wi th o u t goo d evidence
, ,

s t at ed opi nions of conclusio ns independently which are

almost i nva riably a nt ithe t ical to that public conscience which
c o ntr olled u s all t went y five year s ago espec ially when such a
-
,

st igma was a t t ached and is at p re sent in a measure att ach ed

t o a ny l ibera l view of sex m a tte rs .

It is pe rfe ct ly natural t ha t tho se leas t conce rned wi th

t hi s subj ect should no t have a rr ived at definite conclusions .

T hey generally say so frankly and it is no d isc redit t o ,

t hem .

It is also i nevit able that any mi no ri ty who have never

been sufliciently imp ressed wi th the gravity of these matt e rs
t o look fo r evidence o r t o w eigh evidence should e xpress th e
ident ical views that were exp re ss ed by A cto n Howe and , ,

o thers of the older wri t ers who worked in the shad o w of

,

t radi t ion Neit her is t his any di sc redit up to date ; but the
.

t ime h as no w come when no phy sician c an d rop the subj ec t

o f sex lik e a ho t c o al and w a sh his hand s o f the m at t er

ent irely .

I t is no t so h ard to arrive at an esti m at e of the v alu e

3 18 The A rt o f Lo ve

but no t ubj ecte d to exaggera t io n and romanci ng about

s
”
evils which is a very sensible answer and shows a knowledge
,

of co ndit ions o ne would think that t he doc t or had bee n o n

,

a desert island all his life so far as sex was concerned ; for ,

not hi ng is bett er k nown by th e medical psychologis t and

mos t ot her physicians tha n that mari t al maladjust ments
are exceedi ngly common and t hat o ne of t he mos t freque nt ,

c auses is t he husband s ignora nce of sexual proce s ses in

’

women .

I endorse the conclu sio n that some of these replies have no

bett er foundat ion t han medical o pinio n though it is of cou rse ,

o ssible t hat some ex t raordi nary m a n in some U t opia n com

p
munity might have collecte d fac ts o n which to base them .

O ne fu rther illust rat io n along this li ne may be given O ne

“
.

o f t h e replies t o ques t io n 1 7 was as follows : T here are no

harmful e ffects from absolut e cont i nence as shown by th e ,

health and gene ral t o ne of t h e maj o rity of the soldiers of the

A E F
. . De spi t e the so called immo rali ty of our men,
.
-

”
t he maj o ri ty who did no t get dru nk were conti nent .

Now this docto r has no mea ns of knowing whe t he r a sin

,

l e m an be side him self w as absolu t ely co nt i ne nt while in

g
F ra nce u nless he has co nduc ted an i nvest igat io n and received
,

re liable i nfo rmat io n .

T o begi n wi th eve ry man may h ave ab stai ned from i nt e r

,

course while abroad and s t ill no t have been cont i nent .

A gai n li tt le could be t old of t he e ff ec t s of ab solu t e c o n

,

t inence u nless t he co ndi t io n had exis t ed for mo re th an o ne

ye ar which was perhap s t he average t ime the soldiers were
, , ,

in Fra nce .

A gai n the re are appare ntly no s t at i st ic s as t o th e relat ive

,

number of abst ai ners from alcoholic mthe A E F the refo re . . .

,

no way of dete rmi ni ng as t o the e ff ec t of alcohol o n chast i t y

o n continence in the A E F
“
. . .

If o ne refe rs t o the art icle Fac to rs M aki ng for Lo w ,

Ve nereal R eco rd in t h e A E P M A shburn Co l

“
. . . .
, .
,

M C U S
. .
,
.Journal of th e A merican M edical A s soci
.

”
at io n , Dec 1 3 1 91 9 it will be fou nd tha t basi ng c o n
.
, , ,

clu sio ns o n u nsigned a nswe rs of abou t fou rt een t hou sand

men who answered a questio nary , o ne thi rd of these men
 Z r ticle on Sex Educ atio n and Venereal Disease 3 19

emained chaste i e had no sexual co nt act in France o ne

'

r , . .
, ,

t hird had i ntercourse very seldom le ss t han t en t ime s and , ,

o ne t hi rd much more freque ntly

-
A s these were average m en,
.

taken at ra ndom it was a rgued t hat the se same figu

, res would

apply t o the ent ire expedi t ionary force .

Bu t the fact that o ne third of th e m en remai n free from

-

s exual co nt ac t wi th wome n has li tt le beari ng o n th e que s

t io n of whe t her those m en were co nt i ne nt o r no t A s a mat .

ter of fact t here were a ce rt ai n number of homo -sexu als

amo ng these men I have absolu tely reliable i nformat ion in
.

t hat pa rt icular I also k now from t he men themselves that

.

some who remai ned ch aste whe t her t hey were mar ried o r sin,

gle masturbated faut d e mieux or with some regularity I

“
, , , .

”
k now tha t my book Rat ional Sex E thics was carried to
, ,

Fra nce by some medical o ffi cers and by some men and that it ,

was read extensively and that in some cases it s conclu sions

,

were ad o pted I k now also of o ne man who remained both

.

chas te and c ont inent in F rance ; but he was a married man

over fo rty who had bee n accus t omed t o abst i nent periods
,

of six months or mo re while at home From my o wn experi .

ence in th e service o n thi s side I am convinced that condi ,

t io ns which should have been bet t e r si nce o ffi c ers and m

, en ,

were neare r home were somewha t worse It is doubt ful if

, .

the war demonst ra ted anythi ng in pa rt icular in rega rd t o

cont inence It did show that healthy amusement s dimi ni she d
.

desi re that warni ng in rega rd to the dangers of venere al

,

dise ase that appeals t o the chivalry of the men and that
, ,

authorit at ive mea sures largely reduced sexual cont ac t s .

Wi th o ut doub t many we re b enefitted by limi t i ng o r cont rol

,

li ng thei r usual sexu al pro fligacy M any sutf ered and som e .
,

were temporarily b a nned by dep riva tion while almost all ,

were benefitt ed by regula r li fe and st iff t rai ni ng Wh at co n .

t inence had t o do wit h the physique o r th e morale of th e

army in F ra nce or here is ent irely problem atical for no o ne ,

has any exac t idea how ma ny were cha ste but surely no o ne ,

know s how many were cont i nent .

Comi ng no w to the wo rk of the committee while the ques ,

t ions brought o u t much valuable ma tter and we re as a , ,

whole , very plain and comp rehensive a few o f them were so ,

3 20 The A rt o f Lo ve

u nfo rtu nately worded tha t no possible answer could be given

b riefly t ha t would clea rly set fo rt h th e O pinions o r co nclu
s io ns of the o ne who a nswered .

R eferri ng to que st ion 1 7 quoted above it seem s i nevit able

, ,

t ha t any a nswer mu st confou nd t o s ome ex t ent que st io ns of

individu al health r ight, and conscience with quest ions o f
,

s oci al e thics a nd public policy

—
.

T he commi t tee s tate in t heir co nclusions o n page 8496 6 , ,

T he grea t le sso n of all the film s is t ha t ab solu t e cont i nenc e

is t o be i nsi st ed upon . It is t aught that continence is
in no way i nj u rious t o heal th and that t he co nt inent man is
,

equal if no t superior t o the i ncontinent While th e .

physiological j ust ifi catio n of these teachi ngs (neglecting

he re all moral and soci al conside rat ions ) have alw ays been
a ssumed rather t han scientifi cally det e rmi ned t hey are in ,

li ne wi th the maj ori ty of th e opinions quo ted under que s

t i o ns 1 6 and 1 7 . T h e variou s fi lm s apparently advisedly,

from the s t andpoint o f medical opinio n do no t discuss the ,

”
quest io n of m asturba tion or th at of sex pe rversions .

T h e commi tt ee st at ees that the forme r teachi ng in regard

t o absolu te co nt i ne nce was a ssum ed ra the r than sc ientific ally
,

det e rmi ned but t hat t hi s t eaching is in li ne with the maj o rity
,

of the a nswe rs t o quest ions 1 6 and 1 7 .

I fail to see it t hat way N otwit h st andi ng t he uncert ain

.

quali ty of some of the answers as a re sul t of th e unsat is

,

facto ry wo rding of the quest ions the conclusions or opin ,

ions of m o st of the doct ors in regard to t hese quest ions

s eem perfec tly pla in ; and t h o se co nclu sio ns are di rec t ly

o pp o si t e t o th e com m
’
ittee s statement P robably no t wo .

would interpret all these answers in exactly the same way .

My o wn i nte rpretati o n would be that u nder que sti o n 1 6 in

group A , six teen are c o nfident t hat mental di sturbances
r es ul t more o r less freque nt ly from cont i ne nce, eigh t are

uncertain as to thi s and twelve thi nk th ere are no ment al

,

di st urbance s from co ntinence In gro up B twent y o ne

.
,
-

t hink t he re are di stu rb ance s and seven think t he re are no t

,
.

U nder que st ion 1 7 in group A ni ne t een would no t thi nk

, ,

t h at absolu t e cont i nence sh ould always he insi sted upon ,

nine are u nce rtai n and ni ne th i nk it should be

, In gro up .
3 22 The A rt o f Lo ve

On page 81 4 after que st io n 2 5 (which h as al ready been

,
“
quo ted ) the c ommi ttee speaks of its t remendo us impo r
,
”
t a nce T h e doc t ors replie s t o t h e ques t io n almos t u na ni
.
’

mo usly i ndicate that they consider this mat ter of great

import a nce Eigh t een would i ns t ruc t as to the ordi nary
.

no rmali ty of this prac t ice and disabuse t h e pat ient of fears

co ncerni ng it T wo would i nst ruct o nly in rare ca ses O ne
. .

is in doubt as to wha t course to pursue Four w ould give .

ins t ruc t ion accordi ng to each i ndividual case Four co n .

s ider th e prac t ice no t specially dangerous but much t o be ,

d ep lored while five are u nequi vocal in t heir c o ndem nat io n

,

of it .

Y et t he commi t tee says as I have quo ted tha t from t he , ,

s t andpoi nt of medical opi nio n t h e fi lm s do no t discuss t he ,

ques tio n of mast urbat ion Is this co nsis t ent ? It is po ssi .

ble ho wever that the co mmi tte e refers t o the a nswers t o

, ,
“
ques t ion 1 8 which is as f o llows : In addi t ion t o m as turba
,

t io n are any other pe rversio ns freque nt enough t o jus t ify

,
”
popular educat io n co ncerni ng t hem ? He re fort y physi
c ians replied that i ns t ruct io n co nce rni ng perve rs io ns o ther

t h an ma sturbat io n was u nwise while t w elve would favo r ,

i ns t ruc t ion concer ni ng cert ai n perversions In a foo t not e

“
.

below this ques tion the committ ee say : A very large num
b er of th e physicia ns obj ec ted to t he au thor s use of t he ’

t er m pervers i o ns in co nnec t io n wi th mas tu rb at io n Ou

‘ ’
r .

use of t he t e rm is correct and ca rries with it no moral sig

nifi c anc e wha t soever We use the t e rm pe rversions in its
.
‘ ’

e tymological sense meani ng merely tha t th e sex ac t w as no t

a hetero sexual adj ustment
-
”
.

Bu t I also should have obj ec t ed to th e commi tt ee s use

’

“
of t h e term perversion no t o nly because of wha t th e t e rm
”
, ,

h as come t o signify to psycho pathologis t s and t o m o s t o ther -

medical men b ut even (though I amno philologist ) o n what

,

t hey say is th e correc t et ymological u se of t h e t er m T he .

w o rd is de rived from pre nersus mea ni ng to t u rn t hrough -

,

or thoroughly t o turn divert i ng entirely t o other t han the,

p ro pe r obj ect If a man had fleet ing doubt s o ne would

.
,

h ardly say h is religio n w as pe rvert ed M as turbat ion is .

app arently as no rmal a manife st at ion in the child as is inter

 Hrticle on S ew Ed u
c atio n and Vene real D isease 3 23

course in the adult Ce rtai nly ordi nary ma st urbat io n never

.

leads t o alie nat io n fromhe t ero sexu al adj ust ments and unt il ,

it does it is e t ymologic ally i nc o rrec t t o c al l it a perversio n .

I f there is a disposi tio n to call it o ther tha n nor mal it may ,

be called an anomaly a term w hi c h may l ik ewise be a pplied

,

t o ma ny other t ra nsie nt devia t io ns fr o m wh a t is o r d i narily

considered t he normal sexual pro ce ss I thi nk tha t Freud .

s ays t ha t per v er se ac t s are only perv ers i o ns wh en they ha ve

e nt irely repress ed and supplanted th e no rmal ac t ; but he

h imself is unfo rt u nat e in ch ar act eri z i ng as perve rse ac t s
t h ose mannfest at io ns w hi ch he hi m s elf and m o s t of u s co n

sider p erfec tly normal und er t he circum st ances

, .

T her e is no ad u lt human bei ng wh o h as no t des ired or per

t r at ed some se xual ac t w hi c h is an ir re ul ari t y or a devi
p e g
at io n fro m wh a t is c alled t he normal p r o ce s s ; yet we do
no t call all m en per verse If o ne h as an i nsi s tent demand for
.

s uch devia t ion ,

and yet h as vol u nt ary c ontr o l o ver it his ,

mi sfort une is c alled a perve rsi ty If he h as no cont rol and

.
,

t h e s p ecial prac t i c e is s ubst i tu ted for the nor m al act it is ,

called a perversio n .M a sturb at i o n may in some rare

i ns t ances become a perversi o n Cu nnil ingus fellatio et c
.
, , .
,

ofte n become s uch P edera sty Sa di sm M as ochi s m et c are

.
, , , .
,

usually s uch .

T h e professio nal man may no t a tt a ch much moral s ignifi

cance t o th e i nco rrect use of th is t erm; but th e l ai ty cer
t ainly do so ; and it is u nf o rtu nat e th at t he t er m is used so
generally out si d e its p ro per c o nnat at io n I h ave m yself .

s een nu m erou s cases who h ad been at tr ac te d by and per ,

h as had occ as io nally i nd u l ged in s o me sl ight sexual a nom

aly made pro m
,
i nent b y some child h ood exp erience who h ave ,

su fl ered u nt old m i series th i nki ng that th e se t ra nsient aber

,

rat io ns were pervers io ns T h at is t h e reason th o ugh I h ave

.
,

s edulously avoi d ed t h e subj e ct o f p erv ers io ns in all m y book s ,

and though I agre e w i th th e co m mi ttee th at these ma tt ers

s hould no t be emph asi z e d wh y I propose t o discuss this
,

matt er b riefly in the follow i ng chapt er .

 C H AP TER 1

HOW SEX P E R VER SIO N S A R I SE AN D WHY T HE Y

IN CR E AS E

R efe rri ng t o the close of the previous chapter for a defini

t ion of perve rsi o ns , I w ill ask the reader t o go o n wit h m e

from tha t p o i nt.

Freud says t hat th e child is po lymo rpho us pe rve rse I -

.

deny th i s and claim t ha t the ch ild is plastic .

T he s al f noses arou nd fo r some t i m e ; so does t he baby ;

and each sucks o r bites a considerab le p o rtio n of t h e
mother s anato my and perhaps some alt ogether foreign sub
’
,

st ance befo re o ne gets hold of the t ea t and the o th er t h e

nipple . T here is no perversion in t hi s u nless t hey never get
the te at o r the nipple T he child has no oppo rtu ni t y for
.

sexual i nt ercou rse no r abi li ty to pe rfo rm it ; but t he sexual

,

i nst inct like the hu nger i nst i nct com es in adva nce o f its o h
, ,

j ce t and m ust be educat ed befo re it finds its prope r obj ec t .

I n t he p rocess o f educat ion o f t he sexu al i nst i nct many ,

partial aims are tempo rarily att ract ive before th e no rmal
sexu al obj ect is fou nd .M an o f these tempo rary aim s aris ,

ing fro m the st im ulat ion of diverse ero genou s zo nes have a ,

perfectly no rmal funct ion in adul t life as p relimi na ri es t o the

normal sexu al act ; bu t what ever experience is associ ated w i t h
t he newly develo pi ng sex feeli ngs is l ikely to cli ng and to be
sh o wn a p refe rence j u st as child ren c o nti nue to suck thei r
,

fingers or ot he r o bj ects long after t hey eat like adul ts .

F reud s ay s t hat th e lip s are the first erogenou s z o ne ; and

what was fi rst a pleasu re in sucking fo r no u ri shment becomes
t rans fo nned later i nt o a sexual ple asu re A n i nt erest in
.

ki ssing which is a perfectly norm

, al and c o nve ntional sexu al
manif est at io n, is developed in th i s way Had the experi
.

ence been o f as f requent o ccu rrenc e, a nd had co nventi o n so

3 26 The Art o f Lo ve

observed and th en t o give the early e nvi ro nment o f t hi s

,

unfort unat e but es t imable you ng man

“
, .

I quot e : P hysically orga ni c ally se xually I am a man , , , ,

w i t h all th e powers and funct i o ns of a man b ut my loves ,

‘ ’

( sexual an d o t herwise ) are t hose of a w oma n ! T hree t ime s

in m y life I have b ee n ma dly de s pera t ely in love an d in , , ,

each case it was wi th man ! I have never felt t oward any

woman as I felt t oward t hose three men no r do I t hi nk it ,

possible I have t ried hard aski ng God s blessi ng and help

.
,
’
,

t o fall for a girl b u t as yet it h as all bee n in vai n If I

‘ ’
, .

knew right no w th at I should never agai n see G no r

hear from her agai n it would cause me no great worry , .

Neither e mI lonesome for h er no r do I crave her p resence ; ,

bu t in t he case of the three boy s aforement io ned I almos t

died I very nearly lost my reason when circums tances sep
, ,

ar ated u and it w as a long t ime before t ime healed t he

‘ ’
s ,

wou nd cau sed by the separat ion

“I would give all I possessed if I could love some woman
.

as I have loved these m en if I could miss h er as I have ,

missed them if I could crave the presence of her as I have

,

craved theirs B ut no ! it is impossible I feel t oward girls

. .

as they feel t oward each other ; and I am perfect ly free and

at ease and at home when wi th t hem jus t as much so as if ,

I we re o ne of them B ut even no w after yea rs of t raining

.
, ,

I amsomet imes u ncomfort able among boys

“A nd no w as to sexual passio n Th i s is almos t alway s
.

, .

aroused by m en almos t never by w omen T h e low necks

—
, .
,

t he sho rt ski rts t he t hi n wais ts t he exposed pa rts th e

—
, ,

thi ngs which cause normal m en t o have evil t hough t s d o no t

a ff ect me in the least ; and I sca rcely give them a seco nd
t hought .Bu t t o see a strong physically perfect well , ,

developed ma sculi ne manly man in a nude condi t i o n j ust

, ,

se t s me o n fire t h at is if I do no t sit down o n myself and

, ,

drive evil though t s away T ha nk Go d th e mi nd c an be mas .

,

t er of the body and of i t self ! I t is s aid t hat natu re neve r

errs I t hi nk however t hat sh e made a monstro si ty when

.
, ,

sh e fo rm ed me fo r I h ave the bo dy th e organs the fea tures

, , , ,

of a man but the nature and passsio ns of a woman

,
”
.

Th e de t ailed sex hi st ory of thi s c ase was giv en me ve rbally ,

 H 020 S ex P ereersio mArise and Why They Inc rease 3 27

and I give in my o wn words as much as is necessary for the

p re se nt pu rpose T his is a fi ne .appeari ng you n g m a n of
t hirt y o ne libe rally educat ed
-
, well develope d wi th sexual ,
-
,

organs perfectly no rmal T here is nothing in his ancest ry t o

.

h ave any beari ng o n th e c ase except t hat his mo ther died in

h is i nfa ncy and he was brought up by a p ru dish dot i ng
, , ,

married relative who had no children of her o wn and wh o se ,

co njugal relatio ns were p rob ably i ncomplete .

He was ca re fully guarded from possible cont aminat ion

from boy playma tes u nt il th e age of thirt een and had dur , ,

ing t ha t pe riod tw o girls for co nst ant ass o c ia t es

, He was .

fas t idiously dressed kept scrupulously clea n t aught hou se

, ,

work sewing and all girl s occupat io ns in short was m ade

, ,
’
, ,

a li ttle lady He nevertheless saw boy s occasionally and

.
, , ,

t alked wit h t hem enough t o learn that sexual i nt erc o urse

was a part of th e wed di ng ceremo ny ; and he t hough t it a
t errible t hing t ha t children w ere allowed t o att e nd we ddi ngs .

H e also learned that girls had no penes bu t passed uri ne p e r ,

rec tum H e had o ne escapade at ten when some older boy s

.
,

t o ok him wi th some o t her you nge r bo y s i nto the woods and ,

while t here t he you nger boys were t augh t t o m as tu rbat e t he

older o nes H e saw t h at thi s gr at i fied th em and had some
.
,

erotic feeli ng and devou tly wished th at he w as old e nough

,

t o do it himself T his experie nce was repeated t wo o r three

.

t imes in the next few years th e re bei ng i nc reasi ng sensa t i o n

,

0 11 his part each t ime A fte r th e age of t hi rteen o r fou r

.

t een t h o ugh st ill c arfu

, lly safe guarded and kep t mo stly -

w ith girls he was wi t h older boys t o some ext ent A t four

, .

t ee n he began to m ast urbat e for him self .

A t first the se boy s all masturba ted daily

, A fter a ye ar .

o r t wo he reduc ed the p r ac t ice t o t wice a week Th e boy s .

freque ntly discu ssed mast urbat ion b ut never di scus sed girl s ,

no r exhibi t ed any i nteres t in t hem A ft e r fift een or six t een .

,

he was again almost altogether wi thout boys socie ty H e ’

.

was convert ed and j oi ned the chu rch at sixteen read t hat ,

mas tu rbation was physically i njuri o u s and thought it t o ,

be ve ry wro ng and was able to abstai n tw o mo nt hs after ,

which he w o uld be gi n again and before long unde rtake ,

ano th e r p eri o d o f absti nenc e .

3 28 The Art o f Lo ve

O nce when he was twelve a girl of nineteen seduced him to

,

i ntercourse wi th her He h ad li ttle seme n b ut pleasurable

.
,

s ensa t io ns H e t hough t t his wrong and was terribly wo r ried

.

du ri ng a lat er sickne ss of hers feari ng that he had m ade ,

h er p regna nt In his early te ens he fell madly in love wi t h

.

a girl ; b u t t he woma n who brought him up w as de te rmi ned

t ha t he should never fall in love and marry ; and t he a ssoc i
at io n was broke n u p b ut w as, resum ed a ye a r or so la t er .

T hey embr aced and ki ssed when occ asion off ered and at suc h ,

t im es he had ero t ic feeli ngs wi t h her as the obj ect L i fe

, .

was made so u nbearable for him t hat he fi nally gave up t he

girl Both su ffered acute ly from the separa tion ; and when
.

s he fi na lly married he was st ill very u nhappy bu

, t aft er a ,

t im e became reconciled .

F o r some t ime no w he kept away from girls entirely He .

cb nt ro lled m asturbat ion mo re and more and as a result ,

b egan t o have emis sio ns occ asio nally in d re ams In t he s e .

d re ams he o cc asi o nally dream t of women but u su al ly of

—
,

men la rge well developed men who had a sort of vagi na

, ,

beneath t he penis or a large ope ning in the penis

, .

Lat e r when in college he became i nt ere ste d in a nothe r

, ,

g irl
, whom he w a rn ed agai nst t he adv a nc es of a m a n who
had venereal dise ase and went with this girl for some t im e ;
,

bu t t his w as als o broken up by the fo st er mo the r .

He had s t ro ng sexual feeli ngs o n o ne o ccas ion when he

u t h is armabout thi s girl
p .

He no w gave up all hope of marriage as he was no t o nly ,

d ominated and intimidat ed by h is foster m o ther but h ad the ,

g re at e st resp e c t for her a nd n o w fi,nall y de t e rm i ned t o obey

h er . H e so on fell in love wit h a young man a fellow stu ,

dent o f h is o wn age ; and as he stat es in h is narr at ive had

, ,

t h ree s imilar aff ai rs which were pr ac t ically ident ical with

“
,
”
t he c o ll e ges c rushes which occu r among young w o men .

H e sometimes pu t h is a rm s arou nd o ne or ot her of t he se co m

panions ; a st rong sex desire resul t ed ; but the re was never

any mu tu al mas turbat ion o r othe r sexual pract ices At .

t imes he was j ealou s of t he attent i o ns of others t o h is

f riends and was depress ed afte r eve ry separat ion In all
, .
330 The A rt o f Lo ve

c o ndi tions which rules exhortat ions and c ri tic ism s will
, , ,

h ave li ttle influ enc e upon . T h e o nly immediate rem ed ie s

apparent are to encourage m en in place s where women are

in th e mi nori ty t o go whe re t hey are in t h e m aj o rit y o r ,

give t he correspondi ng advice to th e women It is necessary .

t ha t m an be t au ght in some way more of the real psychi c

natu r e o f woman and t hat he mus t lea rn t o be clea n afl ec
'

—
, ,

t io nate and provident

, . T hi s is for his o wn self i nt eres t,
b u d t hi s is t h e o nly way for him t o live in ho n o r self ,

r es pect
, and happi ness . U nle ss he do es reali ze h is duty in
t his re spect woman s lo ss of love life mus t eventually impai r
’ -
,

her purity and fidelity . S elfish ext ravaga nt p ro fligat e

, , ,

no n m arry ing m
-
en mus t be made t o u nderstand t hat it is a

disgraceful i ndictment agai ns t t hem for o ur lov able and v ir

tu ou s and u nequ aled American womanhood to be t hreat ened
wi th A mazoni an bo nd s o r Le sbian pl ague sp o ts -
.
 CH A P TE R II

F R EE LO VE DO C T RINES DI S CU S S E D , DEP LOR ED,

-

and D E VI TAL IZED

T he re is no thi ng essent ially di ff e rent in the discu ssion

concerni ng the rela t ive adva nt ages of free love and t he pres -

ent m o nogami c marriage convent ions tha n there w as w hen

“ ”
my chap t er o n free love in R a tional Sex E t hics was w ri t
-

t en . Nei ther has my o w n posit ion changed except that ,

co nti nuous s tudy of social condi t ions has mad e me more

z ealous t ha n ever in support of our mo nogamic syst em p r o ,

v ided it is m o d ifi ed somewha t t o sui t the age and more ,

s t rongly opposed t han ever t o all free love doct ri nes -

.

T his ma tter is t aken up agai n here si nce t he i ncreasi ng

,

cl amors for th e recogni t io n of so me fo rm of free love union -

appea rs as a serious menace to happi ness morali ty and , ,

civili z at io n .

T his book w ill probably fall i nt o t he hands of some cul

tu red people who have no t s t o p ped to i nve st igat e t horoughly

or t o t hi nk deeply o n t his t opi c There is d anger that such

.

people will eithe r adopt free lo ve idea s as a short cut rem

- -

edy for the exis t i ng evils which we all admit o r repudiat i ng

—
, ,

in scorn t he wh ole free love move ment at te mp t t o draw ,

t igh t er th e li nes of conve nt ions w hich are alre ady t o o dras

t ic and t hus e nlarge t he revol t agai ns t t hem
, .

T he att emp t w ill be made t o show b riefly whence the se

free love ideas came why such propaga nda is i ncreasi ng
-
, ,

why it is largely the work of women what w ould be the ,

re sult if such idea s w ere in force what is the bes t wav to

,

nullify t hese idea s .

It may be t hought t hat s uch discussion how eve r br ief , ,

h as no place m a book devo t ed to th e art of love

. Whe ther .

it has o r no t he au thor belie ves it i ncumbe nt o n himt o call

,
332 Th e A r t o f Lo ve

att ent io n as oft en and as plainly as po ssible to what in h is ,

,

belief, is t he falsi ty of t hese revolu t io nary t eac hi ngs .

However no o ne need fear t hat t his t opic is no t germai n ;

,

for it will appea r th at it is no t only relev ant but exceed ,

ingly apropos In short ig norance of t he art of love is

.
,

t he chief re aso n for all free love propaga nda -

K nowledge .

of th e art of lo ve is t he most efi c ient weapon with which to

fight all such ideas .

O i great v alue as an exposi t io n o f soci al co nd i t io ns in

Germa ny (which in t hi s pa rt icular li ne are much t he same
“ ”
all over t he world ) is T he Sexu al C risis , by G rete M ei sel
Hes s publi shed by Crit ic and Guide C o N Y 1 9 1 7 T hi s
, .
, . .
, .

book was suppres sed fo r a t ime and may be yet It is h o s , .

t ile to o u r prese nt sexu al c o nvent io ns , a s a ff o rdi ng t he s ole

me ans fo r an so rt of sexu al relat ions I di sagree wi th her .

conclusions which I think axe ba sed o n certain fall acies in

,

her reas oning ; but in man ways t he bo ok sh o ws t he cleares t

i nsight i nt o the i nadequacy of marriage as it is and t he ,

t ravest y o n love which o u r pre sent sys t em is She t hor .

oughly dissects social condit ions and gives vivid pict ure s of
what he calls t he i nad equacy of pre sent co nvent ions b ut ,

wha t I should call the inefiicient admi nis t rat ion of them .

Her general idea is th at marriage h as had goo d reasons

for its exi stence and is st ill t he ideal life fo r tho se who c an
,

a ttai n a happy marriage t h rough t he p rocess of natural

selec t io n . Y et sh e s ay s the cos t of marriage si nc e it
, ,

exclud es so m any women who mu st be celiba t es si nce it ,

causes l o ss of mate rnal and infa nt life as a result of clan

des tine u nions si nce it m akes p o s sible p rost itut i o n ve nereal
, ,

di seases etc is t o o great to have t hi s the only legali zed and

, .
,

rec o gni z ed form of sexual life .

O t he r points from the bo ok are : m ar ri age is at pre sent

based o n th e earni ngs o f the male ; and unde r pre sent eco
nomic co ndit ions t h i s is insu ffi c ient ; men are afraid of t he

resp o ns ibilit y so o nly t he m

, an o f means m ay m arry ; and
he m ay be the le ast tit .

Women are mo re nume ro us ; and since many men do no t

marry at all woman s ch ance of marriage is limi ted ; and she
,
’

must c o mpete with her si ste rs fo r the man who will marry .
334 Th e A rt o f Lo ve

aman and woman are t o fi nd complete mutual sat isfact io n in

a sexual comp anionship it is necessary t hat t h ey sho uld
,

c o opera t e plai nly and publicly

-
The individual w ill
.

always s t rive i ns t i nct ively t o fi nd a life compa nion ; and the -

cha nge of such companionship dictated by ex ternal c ircum

s tanc es w ill cause grievous s u fl ering It is upo n
'

enfo rced secrecy that t he free sexual u nion is so oft en ship

‘ ’

w recked ; and precisely bec ause of t his secrecy s u

, ch an inti ,

macy is a t housa ndfold less free t han t he mos t fet t ere d form
of marriage O ne of the fi rst needs of a sexual order which
.

shall rid us of t he network of lies and hypocrisies in wh ich

ou r social l ife is no w e nmeshed is t h e fra nk public rec o ni
g
t io n of t hose sexual i nt imacie s tha t mu st arise duri ng the
d evelopment of you ng people and are i nvari a bly t ransie nt in
durat ion T he demand for a p rovisional wife and for a
.
‘ ’

‘
provisional husband able in ei ther ca se t o sat isfy th e mo st
’
,

urge nt needs of the earlier years of sexual maturity but ,

o nly during those yea rs and no t l at er is a demand whose ,

”
O pe n sa t i s fac t ion society mus t learn t o admi t
“
.

Bu t in t h e nex t chap ter we find : From th e very ou t set

of an experimental sexual pa rt nership the knowledge that it
may be t ermi nated at any moment and what it is fully
exposed to the dangers of crises of sent iment i nt roduces int o
t h e rel at ionship a feeli ng of u nea si ness and i ns t abilit y .

M oreover the experiment al note is o ut of ha rmo ny with th e

,

idea of love which si nce the days of primi tive man has always
,

st rive n t o bi nd t he lov ed o ne s t oge th er

“The danger s o i free u
.

( n io ns ) are very real and t h e ,

act ual study o f free u nions will sho w that the se da ngers are
more extensively th an t heir advocates are apt to imagine In .

th e free i nt imacy the part ne rs expect from o ne a no t her a

c o nt inuous st imulat i o n but in ma rriage aft er a short time
, , ,

no such dem and is made and social amenit ie s and a common

,

li fe t ake th e pl ac e of this s t imulat ion T he man .

engaged in a love int imacy is usually subj ect t o auto sugges -

t ions t o t he eff ec t that h is co ndu c t is influenced by lus t .

Now t o a wo man it is di stas teful tha t anyone should consider

h e r t o be a perpetual tempt at io n t o sin T he married
‘ ’
.

woma n when beloved can enj oy all love s pleasures wi thou t

, ,
’
 Fr
ee- Lo ve D o c trines Discussed 33 5

be ing rega rded as a Circe from whose a rm s a man mu st

escape if he is to pre serve his manhood T he married .

p air need no t devot e long and cos tly hours t o convers at io n

and erot ic int erludes ; yet t hey remai n in th e mos t i nt imat e
as sociat ion gai n energy from their mutual proximi ty and
, ,

are able t o speak t o o ne anot her o n any subject whe never

they like . Let u s have no illusions about the fact
th at th e free love u nion is alway s m a co ndit io n of u
-
nst abl e
equil ibrium ,T he secret lovers t hemselves k now this all
t o o well and o ne or th e ot her of t hem ofte n each m turn
, , ,

t rembles for t he permane nce of their happi ness As a c o n .

seque nce t hose u ni te d in such a relat io nship are never com

p le t el y free from m u t ual rese r ve T h e mos

. t i nt e nse
feeling of happi ness which any i ndividual can experie nce in
rela t io nship wi t h a not her is no t t he co nscious ness of pas
,

s io na t e love b u t t he se nse of perfect mu tual t rus t and of

,

u nc o ndi t ional int erd epende nce O ne ki nd of sexual relat io n

—
.

ship alo ne ma rriage and no t t he mere form of m arri age

—
, ,

is compet e nt to a rouse thi s feeli ng and marriage itself c an

do so only when it has persis ted for a numbe r of years .

T he elementary h u man right of i ndividual choice is d isre ~

ga rded u nless t here be grant ed soc ial freedom for every vari
ety of am at ory life which works no h arm t o th e species .

Why is it that aft er a brief enj oyment of such an int imacy

( f r ee ) th e m an so of t e n surrep t it iously depa rts ? U sually
be cau se he feels th a t th e i nt imacy impo ses no du t ies upon
h im . I
n a free i ntimacy he feels st ressed and ent rapped ,

and not hi ng bu t passion will hold him If he is so for .

tu nat e as t o overco me it he feel s no obligat ion t o h is sexual

,

partner and goes o n h is way rej oici ng A m an may .

marry from passion but t oward his wife he h as usually

,

a no the r feeling in rese rve a cert ai n quie t incli nat i o n

, .

A lread in the highe r a nimal world we find it cha rac te ris t ic

fo r th e m ale to care for th e female In the hu m an specie s
.

such ca re is fi rm ly grou nded upon t h e fact tha t alike ph ai ,

cally morally and intellec tually the female c an be i nj u re d

, ,

and dest ro ed far more readily than th e male upo n th e fact

that biologically and economically wome n are weake r th an
men ; and upo n the fact th at wo man s emo tional life is far ’
336
'

The A rt o f Lo ve

mo re delicat e and t herefo re far mo re su scept ible t o inj u ry .

T hese are t h e facts t hat mu st never be forgot ten amid all co n

d itio ns and all changes of fo rm in th e sexual life and above ,

all in relat ion to the woma n s movement ’

Enough has .

been s aid t o show why th e w r ite r considers th at t he re must

be a change in t h e ent i re public orga ni z at io n of t h e sexual
o rder before sh e will feel it po ssible t o j oi n in th e paeans

which are so often su ng in favor of free love

“In o ur prese nt sexual order woman is faced by the fol
.

lowi ng poss ibili t ies : ma rriage p ro st itu t io n o r t he bi tter

—
, ,

ne ss of s oli tary celibacy t he o nly re mai ni ng alt e rna t ive

being a successs io n of brief int ermezz i du ri ng t he yea rs of
h e r you th .For t he man the alte rnat ives are : m arri age wit h ,

recour se t o pros t it ut io n as a p relimi na ry s t age o r soli t a ry ,

bachelo rh ood with occasional recourse to pro st itu t ion so

,

l o ng as the sense s co nt i nue their claima nt demands .

M arriage as t he permanent sexual a ssocia tion of o ne man

and o ne woman drawn t oget he r by an i nt imat e h armony of
,

phy sical and ment al qualit ies and each fin!ding in t h e other
,

complete sat isfac tion of all desire for sexual rel at ionship ,

w i th father mo t he r and children living t ogethe r in har

, , ,

mo ny is and must remai n the ideal

, T here is no real
.

g ai n whe n passio ns which glow wi t h el eme nt ary force in

yo ung and healthy bodie s and mi nds are successfully
r epre ssed. A like to t he me ntal and t o t he physic al organi sm
if u nder th e st ress of these pas sio ns m
, en and women are ,

forced i nto the duress of th e present fo rmof mar ri age if th e

doo r of the t raps shuts fast o n t hem forever Societ y .

will have t o p rovide for the s afety and suppo r t o f mother

and child . It is a fact o f experience that in most free
u ni o ns th e woman is abandoned so oner o r later In th e .

male s at iet y ensues as soon as he has gai ned the go al of h is

des ire He wishees t o pa ss o n in search of fresh sexual experi
.

e nces, whereas the woman wh o h as given h ers elf t o a man

clings fo r thi s re aso n all th e mo re firmly t o him No t .

u nt il th e necessary ch anges have been e ffected in the eco

nomic and sexual order of socie t y will it become possible t o
reali ze in prac t ice th e profound v alues attaching to the free
33 3 Th e A rt o f Lo ve

lia nt stude nt and au thor who doe s favo r a cert ai n type of

,

free u nio n show s t hat she agrees wit h me t hat other type s
,

are reprehe nsible H er arguments to show this are as sou nd

.

as anyone s and are as co nvi nci ng as mi ne perhaps more so

’
, ,
.

Very well we leave tha t pa rt o f th e ques t io n as set tled for

,

th e present and proceed t o di scu ss concubi nage or o t he r

, ,

fo rm of t emporary u nio n if such u nions are given to social

and legal s t a t us T he wri t er quot ed favors such u nio ns
. .

T he p rese nt writ er is opposed t o t hem She while decl aring .

,

t he relat ive adva ntages of such tem p o rarl

y legally s an c ,

t io ned and mo rally approved rela t io ns over u nio ns which

are really free and we readily admi t such adv antage ; neve r
,

t h eless b ri ngs o u t c learly t ha t any sho rt t ime u nio n has many -

and serious disadva nt ages E g t he re is always the ha u

. . .
, nt
ing spec ter of impend i ng separat ion ; t here are th e bleak
’
s
p a c ee s a h ead whe n, disru p t io n doe s occur t o r eco ncile o ne s ,

s elf t o ,o n t h e gro u nd that t he litt le happi ness achieved was

bett er than none at all ; the re is the t e ndency of bo th male
and female b u t male especially t o s eek new rela tio nship s
, ,

when no t securely bou nd in o ne .

M a ny other reasons will be fou nd in readi ng over th e quo

tat io ns which mili tat e as s t ro ngly agai ns t co ncubi nage as
,

agai nst th e frees t of all free love doc tri nes B ut let us see
-
.

i f t here are no t ot he rs which have no t been enumera t ed .

A s t ream does no t rise higher than it s s o urce L egal sanc .

t io n and moral approbat io n of tempo ra ry u nions i ns te ad o f ,

pe rpetuat i ng and s t rengtheni ng a permane nt mo nogamic

ideal which t hi s author and many free love advocat es a dmi t
,
-

as the most desirable would rapidly oblit erate t hi s ideal

, ,

and t he short t ime mat erial u nion o n th e phy s ical plane

-
,

would soon be the ideal of the rac e There is li ttle hope tha t .

w e c an ever neglec t t o audi t the t reas urer s book s or t o

’

r emove from th e crimi nal t he fe ar of pu nishme nt Human .

na tu re is influenced by a gravity that d raws t o wa rd th e pat h

o f l ea st res i st a nce ; a nd it ne eds a vis a t ergo worki ng in an
opposi t e direct io n t o cou nteract regre ssive t endencie s .

M utual regard is usual] a permanent m atte r Sexual .

p as s io n may occur at an y t ime u nde r a va rie t y

, o f c o nd i
 F ree Lo ee Do e trines D iscussed
- '
339

t io ns , and is oft en temporary T he t ime in th e mo nth may

.

be th e sole rea son for a woma n s ungovernab le desire for a ’

man whom she wo uld no t ordi narily noti c e A month of .

abs t inence may compel a man t o seek a w o ma n whom he

w ou ld u nder no ot her c ircu mstances be see n w i th P as sio n .
,

in c o opera t io n wi th mu
-
tu al regard makees for permenent ,

u nio ns and higher ideals P as s ion alo ne is t ra nsi tory and

.

often regre tt ed A nythi ng t e ndi ng t o sep a r at e p a ss io n

.

from mutual regard makees for mat erial physical se nsual , ,

aims only .

Si nce social and moral s t and ards in all hist ory tend t o
r ise no high er t h an t h e lo w es t s tandards t ol era t ed t he argu ,

me nt that ma rr i age and conc ubi nage c an exis t side by side in ,

a progre ssive socie ty falls fl at , .

It is mai nt ai ned tha t legali z ed free love u nio ns are desir -

able si nce females are in ex c es s of t he males and si nce the

, ,

mar ri age ra te is de cl ining It s ee ms hardly necessary to

.

sa t ha t n o c h ange in t h e re u l a t i o n of t he sex life will have

y g
t he sligh te s t infl u enc e o n th e r el at ive nu m bers of males and
fe males ; so no c h a nge excep t th e recogni t io n of polygamy
wo uld i nc re as e th e w o ma n s ch anc es of sat isfact ory ma t i ng
’
.

With regard to t he decli ni ng m arriage rat e th e remedie s ,

which they propos e t o apply to m ake the legal ized t emporary

u nion s uc ce s s ful w ould u ndoubte dly if ap plied to our pres ,

e nt sys tem make mar ri age mo re desirable than the t empo

,

rar unio n T he t emporary union is att ractive ch iefly fo r

.

t wo re as o ns : t he oppo rt u ni t y for t he t em p orary relief of

sex ual s tarvation and th e la ck of res po nsibili ty a ttending
,

t hi s reli e f If th e res po nsibilit y for th e man in marriage

.

co uld be brought w i thi n re aso nable limi ts and if through a ,

knowledge of t he art of lo ve marriage were made pe rma

uently sexually a t t ract iv e men w ould p refer marr iage to
,

short t ime unio ns si nc e the per mane nt mati ng is more in

-
,

accord wi th th e inst i nct w hich h as develo ped u nder long

years of marriage c o nent io ns o r which accordi ng t o Wes t , ,

erm ark and some o thers w as t he ori gi nal primal i ns t i nc t

, ,

of man .

It is naively admi tt ed that in such free u nio ns as h ave

3 40 The A rt o f Lo ve

been observed the wom an is almo st invariably ab ando ned

,

soo ne r or later Th e advoc ates of free u nio ns would tore

.

st all such de sert ion o n t he pa rt of t he male by an agreem e nt

beforehand (prac t ically a limi t ed m arr iage co nt ract ) and ,

by red uci ng the ma n s re sp o nsibili ty by public suppor t of

’

t h e mot her and child If this is a fe asible way t o make free

.

unions permanent why wo uld no t our present marr iage co n

,

t ract w ith t t he added fe at ure of public suppo rt of mo t he r

,

and child when t hi s t o o great a burde n for th e man m ake

'

, ,

marriage more att ract ive tha n any sort of a free u nio n ,

si nce as is ge ne rally admi t t ed t his is more in li ne wi t h bo t h

, ,

cu sto mand i nst inct ?

It is claim ed and wi th good reas on t hat , in ma ny
, ,

ins tance s men are o fi ensive abusive quarrelsome and t ha t

,
’
, , ,

it is u nju st tha t coercive ma rri age should compel wome n

to co nt i nue t o live wi th such m en Here again I agree ; b ut .

pre sent laws admit of separat io n if co ndit ions are int o ler
able If present laws are no t elas t ic eno ugh in thi s part i en
.

lar public opi nion could be educat ed t o bri ng ab o ut legisla

,

t io n which would render sepa rat ions u nder su ch co ndi t ions

more ea sily obtainable .

What would be th e advant age of co ncubinage o r any so rt ,

of free unio n appli ed to such c asees ? T hi s would no t in any

w ay cha nge t he charac t e r of a m an ; and wo u ld it no t be
bet ter that o ne woman should be subj ected a li t t le longer to
such ill t reatme nt , and in t he end have t he m an s character ’

so b ro ugh t be fo re the p u bliv th a t o thers could avoid him ,

rat her t ha n t o have several women in t u rn su ff er from t hi s

—
same t rea tment in sho rt t ime u nions ? It is cert ai n tha t if
it we re legally po ssible such m en would keep o n seeki ng new
,

allia nce s It is admitted that since women are t o o numerou s

.

to exerci se free choice such m en would find pleu

, t of go o d
women t o ente r allia nce s wi t h them T he w o man would hav e .

no w arni ng as t o t he charac ter of th e m an si nce li ttle pub ,

lici t would att end the making and t h e b reaki ng of th e sho rt

time u nio n ; and the m an s charac t e r would no t ha a mat te r
’

of record Women repe at edly subj ected to such pairi ng

.

experiences would speed ily become disillusio ned cynical , ,

cheapened ; and as the au thor qu o t ed s ay s they would

, ,
3 42 The A rt o f Lo ve

freedom and of the equali z at ion of t he sexes in all righ ts

and privileges are commo nly t hose who by i nheri tance cul ,

t ure and t hough t have become capable of exercisi ng t h e

rights and privileges of freedom T hese women do no t s t op .

t o t hink of t he hordes of o ther women t o w hom such privileges

wo uld be a curse no r of the social dis turba nces that mus t
,

i nevi t ably result if all res t raints are removed .

No o ne I amsure will accu se me of a nythi ng b ut a libe ral

, ,

spi ri t t oward w oma n I desire t hat she should have equalit y

.

o f opport u ni ty a chance at liberal cul t u re a happy ma r ried

, ,

life freedom from male t yranny from venereal disease from

, , ,

prost itu tion and all t he res t My opposi tio n to female

, .

s u ff r age h as always bee n o n a na t o m ic and physiologic bi o ,

logic grou nds A cco rdi ng t o my reasoning t he su ff rage

.
,

would prove i njuriou s t o woma n s prospects and a menace t o ’

her happiness .

If anyo ne has ima gi ned o t herwi se let her h e a ssured tha t ,

in wha t I amsayi ng I have in mi nd no derogat io n of woman ,

bu t her ul t imate advancement and advant age .

T here is no free born A merican ci t i z en no s tu

-
dent of h is ,

t ory no ardent support e r of democracy who would claim for

,

a moment that the A me rica n Commonwealth could haev sud

d enly sprung i nt o bei ng o u t of feudalism or K aiserism A .

few uni t ed ch o ice spirit s devot ed t o freedom and service

, , , ,

i ni t iated t hi s grea tes t event in the world s his t ory ’

.

It is only neces sary t o look at t h e chaos in Rus sia t o

underst and that republics ca nnot exi st u nt il there is general
enligh t enment and u nt il an i ntelligent spirit of c o opera t ion -

has com e i nt o bei ng .

Freedom doe s no t mean th e right of the ignorant and th e

rut hless t o bu rn and pillage at will Wh ile man is ignora nt .

and su ffic iently bru ti sh there is no o the r po ssible governme nt

,

for him no matt er how u nj us t it may seem no r how grea t

, ,

its abuse s excep t th e co nt rol of the weak ignorant and

, , ,

vicious by th e st ro ng and far seeing even t hough t he s t ro ng

-
,

and far seei ng be tyrannical and self seeki ng

-
In short th e -
.
,

slow evolut ion from tyra nt t o feudal lord t o Kai ser t o , ,

K ing and i ndividu al su ff rage has bee n in the l ogic al and

, ,
 F ree- Lo ve Do ctrines Discu
s sed 3 43

necessary and o nly possible order Man mu st lea rn to obey .

befo re he is fi t to govern We in America have no t le arned .

t h at lesso n well eno ugh et to warrant the degree of freedo m

which we cujo y .

Wo man s evolut ion was necess arily even slowe r th an man s

’ ’
.

S o me say th at her evolu t ion was delayed by man s inj ust ice ’

and t yr anny ; and to a cert ai n ext ent t hi s is t rue ; b u t th e

larger biologica reaso n why kept wom an in a narro w circle,
caring fo r and defending and givi ng her vit ality to her
y ou n g wh
, il e t h e u nh ampe red man co n t i nually g a i ne d new

experiences fro m his co nt act with reali t y must no t be ,

igno red .

Grete M ei sel He ss well says that wo m

-
an will no t obt ain
her full rights no r att ain to her full powers u nt i lthe com
munity in so me way lightens her load o f child bearing and -

child rearing P erhaps she will never in the aggregate ,

-
.
,

beco me the full equal of man in all the m anly art s Very , .

well she has compensat ions if she can be led to app reciate
, ,

t hem and m
, an c an be led to pro ide lo ve home childre n , , ,

c ult u re and a quiet life

, A nd who sh all say that mo the ri ng
.

t h e race is no t as noble a vocatio n as high a calli ng as , ,

great a ch ance fo r the develo pment of i ndividuality ?

Man evo lved sl owly t o t he point where he was c apable o f
s el f exp ress ion and sel f di rect ion and h a
- -
s a lo ng wa y y ,et t o

climb Woman ar rives at this poi nt mo re sl o wly and is no t

.
,

as et o n the whole as ne ar th at pl ace as is m

, , an .

Whateve r I h ave s aid in regard to political evolut ion

applies j u st as fully to evolution as applied t o the sexu al
relat io n The pre sent soci al consciou sness and the m
. arriage
convent i o ns need refo rm A woman s unchast ity should no t.
’

be sco rned while t he same fault in man is condo ned A

, .

wo man should be p ro tecte d at ma rriage from the venereal ized

o r de enerate m a n A wo ma n hould b allow d t f ee h
g s . e e o r er

sel f wi t hou t grea t hard ship and wit h o ut an di s grace from

, y , ,

a m an pro ven viciou s d runken o r bru t al , T h o se wo me n

, .

bearing child ren o u ts ide wedlock should no t be o straci zed o r

s co rned ; bu t they and t hei r child ren should be p ro pe rl y
t reated and adequ ate ly pro vided fo r o n the bas i s th at the
33 4 The A rt o f Lo ve

aman and woman are t o fi nd complet e mutual sa tisfactio n in

a sexual compa nionship it is necessary t h at they should
,

co opera t e plai nly and publicly

-
The individual w ill
.

always s trive inst inct ively to fi nd a life companion ; and t h e -

cha nge of such companionship dictated by ex ternal circum

s tances will c ause grievous su fi ering It is upo n
'

enfor ced secrecy t ha t t h e free sexual u n1 on 18 so often sh ip

‘ ’

wrec ked ; and precisely because of this secrecy such an i nti

, ,

macy is a thousandfold less free than t he mos t fett ered form

of marriage O ne of the fi rst needs of a sexual order which
.

shall rid u s of t he net w ork of lies and hypoc risies in w hich

ou r social life is no w enmeshed is t h e fra nk public rec o gni

t io n of t hose sexual i nt imacies t ha t must ari se duri ng t he

d evelopment of you ng people and are i nvari a bly t ransient in
durat ion T he dem and for a provisional wife and for a
.
‘ ’

‘
provisional husband able in ei ther case to sa t isfy t he mo st
’
,

urge nt needs of the earlier ye ars of sexual ma tu ri ty b ut ,

o nly duri ng t ho se years and no t lat e r is a dem and whose ,

”
open sati s fac t ion society mus t learn to admit
“
.

Bu t in the nex t chap t er we fi nd : From th e very ou t se t

of an experimental sexual pa rtnership th e knowled ge that it
may be t ermi nated at any moment and what it is fully
exposed to th e dangers of crises of se nt iment i nt roduce s i nt o
t he relat ionship a feeli ng of u neasi nes s and i ns t abilit y .

M oreover the expe rimental not e is o ut of harmony with the

,

idea of love which si nce t he days of primi t ive man h as alway s

,

st rive n t o bi nd t he loved one s t oge the r

“Th e d angers o f free unio ns are very real and th e
.

( ) ,

act ual s tudy of free u nions will show that t hese da ngers are
more extensively than their advocates are ap t to imagi ne In .

t h e free i nt imacy th e part ne rs expect from o ne a not her a

cont inuou s stimulat ion but in marriage aft er a sho rt time
, , ,

no such dem and is m ade and social ameni t ie s and a common

,

l ife t ake th e pl ace of this st imulat ion The man .

engage d in a love int imacy is usually subj ect t o auto sugges -

t io ns t o t he e ff ec t t hat his co nduc t is influ enced by lu st .

N o w to a woma n it is di st a st eful tha t a nyo ne shou ld consider

h er t o be a perpe tual t emp tat ion t o sin T he mar r ied
‘ ’
.

woman when beloved can enj o y all love s pleasures wi th o ut

, ,
’
336 The Xrt o f Lo ve

more delicat e and therefo re far more suscept ibl e t o injur y .

T h ese are t he fact s t hat mus t never be forgot t en amid all co n

d it io ns and all cha nges of fo rm in th e sexu al life and abov e ,

all in relat ion t o the woma n s movement E nough has

’
.

been s aid t o s h ow why th e w riter considers th at t he re mus t

be a change in t h e ent ire public organi z at ion of t he sexual
o rder before she will feel it po ssible t o j oi n in th e paeans

which are so often su ng in favor of free love

“In our present sexual order woma n is faced by t he fol
.

l ow i ng possibili t ies : marriage pro st i tu t io n or t he bi tt er

—
, ,

ness of soli tary celibacy t he o nly remai ni ng alt e rnat iv e

bei ng a suc cesssio n of brief i nt erme zzi du ring t he yea rs of
h e r youth .For t he man the alternat ives are : m arriage w it h ,

recourse to prost it ut ion as a preliminary stage o r solit ary ,

bachelorhood wi th occa sional recou rse to p ro st itut io n so

,

long as t he s enses cont i nue their claima nt demands .

M ar riage as t he permanent sexual association of o ne man

and o ne woman d rawn t oge t he r by an i nt imat e h armony of
,

p hysic al and ment al qualit ies and each finlding in t he other

,

complete s at isfaction of all desire for sexual relat io nship ,

wi th father m o the r and children living to gether in b ar

, , ,

mony is and mu st remai n t he ideal

, There is no real
.

gai n when passions which glow with element ary fo rce in

yo u ng and healt hy bo die s and mi nds are succ ess ful]y
r ep re ssed
. A like to t he mental and to th e phy sical organis m
i i u nde r th e st ress of thes e pass io ns m
, en and women are ,

forced i nt o the dure ss of the p resent form of mar riage if the

door of the t rap s shuts fast o n t hem foreve r Society
will have t o provide for the safety and suppo rt o f mothe r
and child . It is a fact of experience that in most free
unions th e woman is abandoned sooner o r later In th e .

male satiety ensues as soon as he has gai ned the go al of his

d es i re He wishees to pass o n in search of fresh sexual experi
.

ences , where as th e woman who h as given herself to a man

cli ngs fo r thi s rea son all the more firmly t o him No t .

u nt il the nece ssary ch anges h ave been efi ected in the eco

'

nomic and sexu al o rder of s oci et y will it become possible t o

re aliz e in pract ice the p rofound values attaching to the free
 F ree Lo ve Do etnnees D iscus sed 337
’
-

i nt im acy as cont ra sted with coercive marriage If the free .

i nt imacy were nei ther a nt isocial no r deliberat ely t emporary ,

if concubi nage were a recogni z ed st atus regarded as an end ,

in i ts elf endangeri ng no o ne and therefore t o be co ndem ned

—
, ,

by no o ne no t inj u rions to the career of t he man no r

, ,

t hreat eni ng th e honor and very exist ence of a woma n no r ,

y et i nvolvi n g s ocial pe nalt ies and depriva t io ns t o possible

c hildren — t hen t he u nshackli ng of sexual relati o nship s,

would be followed by it s appropria te result s
“T hose who are opposed t o grea t er f reedom of choice in
.

t he sexeu al life raise an object io n t o th e e ff ec t that i f such

freed om were gra nted w omen aft er devot i ng th e best years
, ,

of their yout h to a man would commonly be aba ndo ned

, .

Bu t why should no t nat ural selec t io n t hrough the survival

of the fittest have free play ? M u st we no t also recog
ni z e th at u nduly frequent ch angees in t h e sphere of t h e sexual
life may imp air human elas t icit y alike mental and bodily ,

in a m anner a nalogous t o wha t is seen in t h e case of t hose

who cha nge their dwelli ng place t o o frequ ent ly O rdi
ae rily th e woma n wi th no regular occupat io n feeds para
, ,

s it ic all like a vampi re upo n t h e perso n and th e t ime of th e

y
man I t re mai ns of the first impo r tance that t he wife
should h ave a cul t u r al life of h er o wn no le ss engros s i ng t o
,

her t han her husband s o ccupat i o n is t o him

’
It is po s
.

sible that the sexual partne rs (in free sexual unio ns ) would
be h appily t ogeth er o nly for a certain time Y et aft e r
.

all no o ne can vent u re t o expect perfect h app mess and par ,

t ial happi nes s in a sexual u nio n is no t t o be rej ec ted o n the

ground th at guarantees are lacki ng fo r a rare and soul
sat is fyi ng beati tude If we are no t t o pas s o ur whole live s
.

wa ndering t hrough the desert in pursui t of a hope t hat will

perhap s remai n phant a smal t o the very end we must be co n ,
”
t ent to come t o t e rm s wit h fat e .

T he rea s on why I have qu ot ed thus full y from this autho r

h as p rob ably bee n gues sed al ready I desire t o sho w that
.

all fo rms of free love associat io n are u t te rly oppo sed to all
-

p erm anent i ndividual h apiness and to any real racial prog

res s
“
In sh o rt such ideas are pha nt asma in the extreme
.
, .

Carefu l co nsiderati o n o f the exce rp ts quo t ed f ro mthi s bril

 CH A P TER III

A P R OLEGO MEN O N A N D A N A P O T H EO SI S O F LO VE

A P ro lego meno n

I wrote o ut a t enta t ive t able of co nte nts fo r thi s bo ok sev

eral mo nt hs ago when but two chapters had been wri t te n
,
.

T he idea t hen occurred t o me t ha t someone beside poets and

novelis ts should be permi tt ed to say somet hing nice abou t
love Why should no t a d oct o r who had sift ed love and
.
,

nature t o t h e bot to m rhap sodi z e a li t tl e if he cou

, ld c o n ,

s ist entl as well as he who merely reflec ts h is o wn feeli ngs

y , ,

aided somewha t perhaps by the fact s ob t ai ned by superfi c ial

, ,

inves t igat ions P

Nea rly t hi rty years ago K rafi t Ebbing in his ch apter A
'
-
, ,
“
,
”
Fragme nt of the P sychology of the Sexual Life in P sy ,
”
c ho p at h ia S ex al is pe nn ed a wo nde r ful t ribu t e t o huma n
p ,

love at its b est est at e ; b ut we have progresse d so mewhat in

ou r k nowledge of sex si nce t hen ; and t hat very t echnical book

reache s at most th e eye s of a very selec t few

, , I have alway s .

admired t h e ge nius of o ne who could as he did keep c o n , ,

st ant ly in view t h e puri t y the ideali t y the j oy t he upli ft

, , ,

of love while worki ng for nearly a lifet ime among perve rts
,

of eve ry dye Few if any could app ro ximate t he i nsigh t and

.

erudi t ion revealed in that chapter Th e p rese nt wri t e r

.

know s his o wn limi t at io ns e nough to di sclaimany at t empt t o

do so Y et it seem s th at o ne spending many yea rs in th e
.

s tudy of the no rmal manifes t atio ns of l o ve and rarely o ccu ,

pied with the perve rsions ought t o get glimpses of love at

,

its zeni th and if h is mi nd is pract ical enough make concre te

,

a li ttle of wh at has heret ofore been abs t ract propo si t ion .

A t o nce we enc o u nter the objec t ion that a medical t er

mino lo gy will be chilli ng and u ninspi ri ng in an essay o n lo ve .
3 50 The A rt o f Lo ve

as others wi th the c o nvict ion th at h owever ill may be o ur

,

su ccesses what is most impo rtant is th at we shall be fac ed

,

righ t . Wit hout t his speci al temptatio n I doubt if mos t

,

bo ys wo uld ever feel the need of divi ne assist ance R um

. ili
ating as o ur mist akes may be if co ns ci o u
, sness o f o ur o wn

weaknes s t u rns na to ask for Go d s help then we may find

’
,

su ch bles sings as can neve r c o me to t ho se who are st ro ng in

thei r o wn st rength
“T o you who have given so much thought t o the pro blem
.

and h ave st rive n wit h su ch fra nknes s to help o thers, t hese

reflec tio ns of mine mu st see m very crud e ; the fact is I am
”
abso lu tely ignorant of the li te ratu re o n t he subject .

P e rhaps certai n unc ri t ical and c o ngrat ul ato ry co m ment s

st arte d a t rai n o f gr andi o s i ty , to which later occas i o nal
cri ticisms p ro ved anted o tal even to t oxici ty ; then st ill l at er
grat ulat i o ns b ro ught o n a rec rudescence of expansive ideas .

Thi s flu ct u at io n m ay accou nt fo r a recent diagno sis of t he

au tho r s case by t wo di gnita ries of profes so rial attai nm
’
ents
whose subtlet ies o f t elepat hic induction have rendered t hei r
minds ambi d extrou s (excuse t he metapho r ) in a mate rial
-

sense, and supernal in all t ranscendentali t ies hence anap

,

a h ab l by a n fi nit pa t h T he e c i t ic and apologi t

p y
—
ro c e e s . s r s s s

o f b anu sic educat ion a p h arm ac o psych ia t ric ble nd o f epi s

tem o lo gic al deduc t ion . It appea rs th at th es e u nc anny ao

complice s of tho se go ds who dispe nse o rac ul ar wi sdom have ,

in so m e subtle manne r ( assuming that the au tho r po ssesses

the att ribu te o f radi o act ivi t y ) , re c o gni zed selec ted and
-
, ,

finally synthesized the em anat i o ns fro mh is pe rso nalit y th at

have i m pi nged up o n the sensi tive apparatus of thei r mic ro
ap perceptive super co nseio u
- sness .

T o p araph rase the above : a friend i nfo rmed th e auth o r

that these two sav ants in m edico p sychol o gic a rcha -
eol o gy

had fro mno o ther d at a th an th ese impi ngi ng infinitesim

, als
of m o lec u lar fo rce delimi te d complexes and rec onstruc t ed
,

c o nstellatio ns u
—
ntil the well kno wn pathological ent i ty of
-

manic d ep ressive insanit y h ad been discovered ; and that the

au th o r, 111 hu mble self, was at p resent in the exacerbated
 Z P ro lcgo mc no n and an A po tbc o sis o f Lo ve 85 1

phase of m aniacal ela t io n and belo nged in a ce rt ain state

colo ny devoted t o th e care of the me nt ally alienated
, .

Had these a c ute diagno sticians been wi t h i n s t riki ng d is

tance he might have bee n det ai ned at t his col o ny for he
, ,

has ofte n visi t ed it has even p rese nt ed his manu sc ripts the re
,

at board meet i ngs for d i scus sion has bee n ro y ally ent e r
, ,

t ained t here wi t h t he rest of his di st ric t organi z a t io n .

Bu t alas ! here he is enj oyi ng t he f reedom of the co m

, ,

muni ty which duri ng thirty years he h as served in ma ny

,

capaci t ies ; and even no w he is summone d frequently t o the

sick room t ole ra ted ofte n in t h e congregatio n N 0 o ne
, .

evidentl y has suspec ted him of more serious d efect t h an

i nabili ty or mo re serious disease from i nert ia .

Bu t t h e que st ion is w het her friend s neighbo rs pat ie nts , , ,

and colleagues will laugh or be su 3 ic io us wh n t hey rea d

p e

t ha t t his d amagi ng dia gnosi s was made when nei ther of th e

learned d iagno st ic at o rs had ever see n him o r read h is writ
i ngs b ut from di ff ere nce s of opinion based o n th e ci rcum
, ,

stant ial evide nce derived from th e j udgme nt of some capable

or i ncapable approvi ng o r cri tical reade r and exp o u nder

,

o f his books .

T o o much space h as been devoted to a small ma tt e r ; b u t

th o se i nteres ted in di ff erent ia t i ng an i nduc ti ve from a dedu c

tive or a deduc t ive from a hypot he t ically i nferent i al scie nce

,

will be i nte re sted .

T hose readers wh o t hi nk for t hem selvw and reason fro m ,

f acts t o c o nclusions will be envious but never mi nd The re

, , .

is a cert ai n lack of c o mple te as surance in the pupil of even

t he mos t rap t ob se rver who expou nds wi th s a ng f roid and
perfec t equa nimi ty t hose perfect sys tem s which he h as
evolved in his translat ed psyche fro m the intangibili ties o f
t h e u nseen .

P ardo n is craved fo r t hi s te rmi nal ebulli t io n o n the ,

ground t hat a seriou s and ea rne st attemp t has been made

all through th is book to deal wi th an all import a nt subj ect , -

while a self suspec ted slight sense o f hum o r m akes an o cca

-

s io na l rel axation i nevi table .

A gai n supp o si ng the abo ve diagno si s t o b e c o rrect , lack

,
852 The Xrt o f Love

o f e i
r st ra ntin t hi s eu
pho ric excite d ph ase is th e m o de rn ,

ideal of therapeutics From the foll owing li ttle essay t h e

.

r eader mu st draw h is o wn co nclusi o ns as t o whet her it sh all

b e characteri zed as the irresponsible psychic pe regri nat ions

o f gr a ndiose alienat ion or t he honest es t ima t e of roma nc e

and se nt ime nt which has bee n f o rced upon o ne which h as ,

g r ow n i nt o t h e warp and woof of o ne who t hrough le ns es ,

made clear and mul t i magnifyi ng by an idealis tic and u nt ar

-

nish ed pre mari t al romance and th e ever incre as i ng fullnes s

-
,

o f u nspeakable ma ri tal bli ss has perceived t hat mos t hum an ,

ills so rro ws debaucheries and c rimes co me o n th e o ne ha nd

, , , , ,

f rom the abs t ra ct ion of love and that most human j oy s, ,

ideals bea t i tudes aspira tions and alt misms come o n t he

, , , ,

o t her ha nd by th e i nclusion of love in it s entirety ideal

, , ,

psychic afl ect io nal phy sical wi th the other common at

'

, , ,

t ribut e o f our commo n huma ni t y .

An Ap o the o sis o f Lo ve

What K ra fft Ebing said in t he chapter refe rred to is as

-

t rue to d ay as when he said it ; and o u r accumul at i ng k nowl

edge give s it gre ater force than it th en had

“In coarse sensual love in the lu st ful impuls e to sat i s fy
.

, ,

t hi s na t ural inst i nct man st ands o n a level wi t h th e animal ;

,

bu t it is give n t o him t o raise himself t o a height where thi s

natural i ns ti nc t no lo nge r makes him a slave : higher nobler ,

feelings are awakened which notwithst andi ng their sensu al , ,

o rigin expand int o a world of beau t y subl imit y and mor

, , ,

ality . Sexuali ty is the most powerful factor in indi

v idual a nd s ocial exist ence ; t he st ro nges t i ncent iv e to t he
e xert io n of st rengt h and t h e acquisi t ion of prope rt y t o th e ,

foundat ion of a home and to the awakeni ng of altruist ic ,

feelings fi rst for a person of the opposi te sex then fo r the

, ,

o ff sp ri ng and in a wide r sense for all hum anity .

“T hu s all e thic s and perh aps a good part of e st het ics

, , ,

, ,

and religion depend upon th e exi stence of sexu al feeli ng .

Th o ugh the sexu al life leads to the highest vi rtues eve n ,

t o the sac rifi ce of th e ego yet in it s sensual force lies als o ,

t h e dange r tha t it m ay degene rat e int o powerful p as si o ns

and develop t he gro ssest vices .
3 54 The A r t o f Lo ve

a shamed o f sex hid thei r i nmos t desires and t heir weake r

, ,

sis te rs like man became openly licent ious

, , .

In st rivi ng t o correct our social evils and in endeav o ri ng ,

t o comba t s u gges ted remedies o fr the se evils v iz free lov e , .

,

and dis regard of co nve nt io ns which we believe t o be w orse,

t ha n th e evils themselves w e ca nno t in our day and gen

, ,

t io n si nce we no w have th e knowled ge t hat p sychic and

—
,

s exual love are alike fu ndament als of our bei ngs p ure and
—
h oly and neces sary to eve ry married pair go back t o t radi
t io nal deifi c at io n of a sce t icism or t o condem na t io n of t he
,

physical side of sex .

P sychic love t o th e exclu sion of the physical h as bee n t o

s u c h an ext ent t h e ideal of th e home t ha t it is in a w ay t o

ru i n all health t o rob of all virtue and c fl ace all hap piness
'

.
,

I n sho rt it is t his exal t at io n of t he psychic or spiri t ual at

,

t he expe nse of t h e physical or se nsual w hich has made t h e

b ro thel po ssible and allowe d th e co nt i nuanc e of all t he shame
less ex t remes of license and lus t in our modern soc iety .

Bu t it mu st be plai nly u nders t ood that physical love while ,

it is the only ki nd of love sough t for in t he brothel is and ,

must be alo ng wit h soul love o ne import ant cons t i tue nt

, ,

in th e life of t he home M an ca nnot p ut o ff h is human

.

nat ure and p u t o n immorali t y at will .

Wo ma n s ultra refinement from physical love has made

’
-

her a nervou s w reck a physical weakli ng propagandis t and

, , ,

o ppo rtu ni st o r a cou rtesan open o r clandes t i ne as t he ca se

, , ,

may be All b ut the cou rtesan have ignored u nt il los t the

.

legit o v ate art of love which every good wife should kno w .

Wome n must learn that it is no t alo ne ma n s u nbridled ’

passion no r his ignorance of th e art of love that have brok en

up homes and caused him t o go t o th e pros t it ute or t o seek
divorce ; but it is very largely due t o t heir o wn lack of under
s t a ndi ng of t heir o wn t rue natu res and u t t er ignorance of
t he na ture s of m en .

All normal w o men as well as m en have wi thi n them th e

i nst i nct ive cravings and physical neces sit ies of phy sical l o ve ,

as well as pot ent ialit ies for u ndreamed o f height s of ideal -

is tic or spiri tual l o ve Such spirit ual or soul love c an

.
-

nev er be properly r eali ze d w ithout th e proper adm ixt ure of .

 A P ro lego meno n a ! an Ap o theo sis m o f Love 3 55

physical love The re is a cert ain com mo n fa c t or of phy sical

.

love which runs through all h umani ty whether Do n J uan ,

or Cleopat ra Heloise or A b elarcl Lucrece or S t Franci s

, , . .

Love in t he lower animals is an i ns t inc t s t r o ng which seeks ,

and direc t ly finds its o wn ends Love in m an is m o difi ed by

.

reason ; but when reason we nt wro ng and t ried t o expurgate

all the co mmon and necessary acts of phys ical l o ve it be ,

came necessa ry t o add t o our social cu rr icul um the art of

t he se nsuous side of l o ve He nce I say th at it is advisable
.

for those wome n of highe st virtue who have forgott en or , ,

have bee n afraid o f or have los t t his ar t t o t ake not e

, ,

of the me thods of those who have made the art of love t heir
sole profession .

M an from t hi s experience wit h wome n wh o have made the

,

sexual side of love a profe ssio n thi nki ng th a t th eir sordid , ,

debauched love c an have nothi ng in commo n wi t h the love

of a chast e wife has o n his part been so reserved in his
, , ,

conduc t of physical love w i th such a wife that he h as in ,

many cases apparentl los t t he art of delight i ng her w i th

,

t h e i nt imacie s whi ch she i nvariab ly d es ires fo r good w ives ,

do inhe re ntly desire much more t h an th ey readily admi t of

love s play love s dallia nce love s freedo m
’
,
’
,
’
.

Alo ng this li ne I quo t e th e follo w i ng from p 53 1 6 th

“ “
.
,

Vo l of Havelo ck Elli s
. Stud ies Nu mberless are the
’

j ovial and co ntented h usbands who have never su spec ted and ,

who will never k no w tha t th eir w ives carr y abou t wi th t hem

, ,

s ome t imes wi th sile nt re s e nt m ent t he ach e of mys t erious ,

tabus .T h e feel ing t ha t t here are deliciou s privacies and

privileges wh i ch sh e h as never been a ske d t o t ake or forced ,

t o a c cep t often ero t i c ally divor c es a wife f ro m her h u

,
sba nd

who never reali zes wh at he h as missed T he case of such .

hu sbands is all the harder becau se fo r th e mos t p art all , ,

t hey have done is t h e res u l t of the morali ty that has been

preached t o them T hey have b ee n t augh t fr o m boyhoo d t o
.

be s trenuous and m anly and clean mi nded to seek by all -

,

means t o put o ut of t heir minds the thought of w ome n or

t he longi ng fo r sensu ous i nd u lgence T h ey have .

qui red the no tio n tha t sexual i ndulgence and all t ha t ap per
tained t o it is somet hi ng lo w and degr adi ng at th e w o rs t ,
846 The Art o f Lo ve

C all this, y u l i if
ke noa t ural l a w w h ic
,h h as bee n set in

mo t i o n by the great law maker under which we wo rk wi th

-
,

ou t i nt erference ; o r c o nceive t his p ri nciple as th e co nst a nt

s e cre t io ns of cont emporaneous infinitesimal increments ,

e ma nat ing from an immine nt divince s ource i ntri nsically , ,

s hayi ng and gu idi ng na Th e o nly di ff erence is tha t in th e

.

o ne cas e we mu st lea rn th e l aw and in th e o t he r we mus t ,

intelligently heed the wa rnings A s yet we are very imper .

fe et in o ur knowledge o r in o ur i nt erpretations We c an .

and may and mu st remake human nat u re s omewhat ; b u t

there is no t t he necess i t o r possibili ty fo r radical change
th a t the re is fo r the gr adu al develop m ent th at comes f ro m

fuller i nte rpret at ion .

Bet t er understandi ng o f the law leads us to increa si ng

cha ri ty As we come to recogni ze tha t o ur o wn comfort
.
,

health and advancement are i nt imately bo und up with o ur

,

neighbo r s poli tical act ion econo mic condit ion sexual prae
’
, ,

t ices and religiou s views we shall th e mo re interestdly s eek

, ,

fo r his well bei ng -

.

When we reco gni z e the tru th th at the alt ruisms of soc ial
s e r vice of economic s etc
, redou nd mo re t o th e benefit of th e
, .
,

alt ruist th an t o that o f the o bj ect altrui sm will be mad e ,

ea sy .

When it is fully rec o gni zed t hat the al t ruisms and sac ri
fi ces of m arried lovers are no t t o be u rged me rely as spiri tual
benefits for the fut u re bu t that t hey pay a t hous andfold h e re
,

and no w in the physical j oys of t hi s life the re will be fro m , ,

t his selfish rea s on if fro m no be tt er a p rev ailing o bj ect i vity ,

and al t rui smin lov e .

The golden rule is scientific j u st and ut ilit ari an A ppl y

— , , .

t hi s t o co nj ugal love if yo u do as you would be d o ne b y ,

you will make the compani o n happy fo r o ne would have that ,

o ne m a ke yo uao It is impo ssible fo r o ne to be happy when

.

t he othe r is mi serable The happi ness of the o ther leaves

.

t he o ne free t o cu j y
o w it h o u t reg r e t T h e ple as u re of o n e .

is enh anced b t hat of the other as p ro ved by dedu cti o n and ,

by experience T he re is quant it atively m o re truth in th i s

.

in ma rri ed love th an anywh ere els e fo r in t ru e m arri ed l o ve ,

 CH A P TER II
!

A P R OLEGO MEN O N A N D A N A P O T H EO SI S OF LO VE

A P ro lego me no n

I wrote o u t a t ent a t ive t able of co nte nts fo r thi s bo ok sev

eral mo nths ago , when but two chapte rs had been wri tt e n .

T he idea then occu r red t o me tha t s omeone beside poets and

novelis ts should be pe rmi tt ed to say some t hi ng nice about
love Why should no t a doct or, who had sifted love and
.

na ture t o t he botto m , rhapsodi z e a lit tle , if he could c o n

s ist ent ly , as well as he who merely reflec ts his o wn f ee li ngs ,

aided somewhat, perhap s, by t he facts obt ai ned by superfi c ial

inves t igat ions P
Nearly thi rt y years ago , K rafi t Ebbing, in his chapter, A
'
- “
Fra gment of th e P sychology of the Sexual Life , in P sy ” “
”
c ho ath ia S ex a l i pe n n ed a wo nde ful t ribut e t huma n
p p s, r o

love at its b est est ate ; b ut we have progres se d somewhat in

ou r k nowledge of sex si nce then ; and t hat very t ech nical book

reache s , at mos t, th e eye s of a very selec t few . I have alway s

admired the ge nius of o ne who could, as he did, keep c o n
stantly in view t h e pu ri t y , th e ideali t y , th e j oy , t he uplift

of love while worki ng for nearly a lifet ime among perve rts
,

of every dye Few if any could app ro ximat e the i nsigh t and
.

erudi t ion revealed in t hat chapter Th e present wri te r

.

knows his o wn limi tat io ns enough to disclaim any a tt empt t o

do so Y et it seem s that o ne spe nding many yea rs in th e
.

s tudy of th e no rm al manifest a t io ns of lo ve and rarely o ccu

,

pied wit h the perversio ns ought t o get glimpse s of love at

,

its zeni t h and if his mi nd is practic al enough m

, ake concre te
a li ttle of what h as he ret ofore been abs tr ac t p ropo si t ion .

A t o nce we encou nter th e o bj ec t ion th at a medical ter

mino lo gy will be chill i ng and uninspi ring in an essay o n lo ve .
 '

A P ro lego meno n and an A p o theo sis o f Love 3 49

O uthe othe r hand wh o c an co nceive of a cou nt ry doc to r so

,

familiar wi t h belles let tres as t o be able to express himself

in a felici t ous li t e rary phraseology ? A dded t o these d itfi
cu lties the au thor is no w almos t afraid t o a ttemp t thi s at
,

all or anything but a mo no syllabi c munda ne form of ex

,
-
,

pression ; for as sure as he does he may be c ome los t in fligh ts

,

of fancy ; and in the at t emp t ed t ransmo grifi c at io n of the

ma terial to the supe r m undane by th e eso teric use of exo teric
-
,

k no wledge his syno nyms may become ant ony ms and h is

, ,

h umiliat io n comple te .

For be it known th at the author is in some t repeditio n

, ,

no w as he s t a nds o n t he abyss of t h e belat ed j udgm

, ent s of
t wo u nas sailable and u na nswer able cr it ics F o rme rl
y he fel t
—
.

humble and self c ri t ical whe n he not iced the cri t icism to
whi c h he replied in the second vo lume of Rat ional Sex “
E thic s
“
.

A gai n th e army experie nce rela ted in Sex and L ife

, , ,

had a te ndenc y to i nhibi t any ge ne t ic egoism .

La tely a medical m an of gre at repu t e and of high o ffi c ial

c apa c i t y disagreed wi th him mos t courteously as all mus t
,

admi t b ut wi th such a t reme ndously weight y argume nt o n

,

whi c h t o base h is disagreement tha t it mus t give th e aut hor

,

p ause before he s t arts o n an y headlo ng career of s elf

a ssert ion .

A fte r readi ng my fi rst tw o volume s my friendly cri t ic ,

“
wrot e me as follows : I suppose we are all led t o o ur di ff er
e nt opi ni o ns o n t hi s very t rouble s ome ques t io n A nd for my .

pa rt I am very well aware t hat my exp erie nce is no t large

enough t o warrant any settled co nvict ions B ut it would .

no t be frie ndly and ho nes t of me to let o n suppose t h at I

do agree wi t h our c onclusio ns
“In years past I have many t imes been called upo n t o
.

s peak upo n t his s ubj ec t in t h e larger boy s schools and while

’
,

I e nt irely agree wi th you t hat mu c h harm has come from

false te achi ng regarding t he ill e ff ec ts bo th physical and,

moral o f such i ndu lgence I have come t o believe that in

, ,

fi ght ing agai ns t th ese t empt a t io ns there is the grea tes t

c ha nce no w in our modern civili z a t ion for that real wa rfa re

which m ake s men I have alw ay s comfo rted myself as well

.
,
86 0 The Art o f Lo ve

ca ses as all physicians and most other people h ave seen

duplicated m any t imes T he fi rst couple aft e r ten years o f
.
,

married life have what is called home T he fam ily is com

, .

po sed of o ne or more peevish u nhappy children a man , ,

discou raged cross t acit urn o r malevolent whose infidelit y

, , , ,

is but a quest ion of t ime a woman spi ritl ess in work or rec
,

re at io n
, su ff eri ng from pelvic disorde rs who scolds h er ,

children nags her husba nd and is hyst erical co nsciously

, , ,

su fferi ng o r u nconsciously payi ng the pe nal ty of thwa rt ed ,

i nst i nct ive d esires She also like her husband u nless sh e
.
, ,

becomes a co nfi rmed neurot ic will ultimately reach o ut fo r ,

love by concealed i nfat ua t io ns o r open infidelities wi th m en

who m her imagi nat ion conceive s to be capable of giving h er

what should be every woman s bi rt hright the fulnes s o f ’
,

psychic and physical love .

Bu t l et u s consider th e o ther couple als o ten years mar ,

ried who s t art ed u nder identical condit ions Th e children

, .

are bright and j oyous th e father content ed and pleasant

, ,

given t o steali ng a kiss from his wife when profaning eyes

are unobse rva nt while she si ngi ng about her duties is
, , ,

light er in ste p and younger in mi nd more beau tiful in bo dy ,

and S piri t than o n h er weddi ng morn .

Is t here any quest ion abou t th e social benefits of perfect

sexual adj us t ment aft er compa ri ng t he u naffiliated wi t h t h e
affiliate d couple ? Who does t he work of th e wo rld ? Wh o
spreads abroad chari t and alt ruis m and pleasure ? Wh o
will fu rnish the child re n who will become the forem o st ci ti
z ens in a progre ssive hereaft er ? Whi ch home is th e re s ort
o f t h e wayworn a nd weary ? From which comes succo r f o r
t he di stressed ?
Each o f the se couples loved as since rely as the othe r t o ,

begi n with T here was no di ff erence in healt h aspira tion

.
, ,

o r abili t y . T he o ne fac t or of pe rfect o r impe r fect sexual

adj us tment caused all the di ff ere nce .

No p sychic att achment no P lat onic arrangement no t e , ,

l igio u s convic t io ns no a lt ruism or o ther laudable vi rtue no

, ,

cap aci ty fo r work no sense of humor not hing u nde r the

, ,

su n c an ever m ake a couple m

,
uch di ff e rent fro m the fi rst
36 9 The A rt o f Love

Half tru ths never mak e correct precep t s T h o se wh o .

dwell in ea rt h s lowest places are t hose who have lea rned

’

half t ruths and have experienced half l o ves .

T ho se who dwell o n t he hillto ps or soa r in th e az ure ar e

th ose who have faced all t ru t h and have experienced th e
fulne ss of love .

Such supposed ascet ics as the beloved B rooks the v ale ,

tu dinarian K a nt th e to rt ured St Franci s should no t det er

, .
,

us from seeki ng a full orches tr a tion of the music of love .

T hese sol it ary t ypes of th e celib atees who have pas sed o u ,

h appy or ill o r t orme nte d while h e re t o such reward as is ,

t o be have lef t no t race b u

, t memo ries ; no fo rm no r fea t ur e
of consanguineou s hum an arrests our eye o r cont rols ou r
t hought ; no proud descend ant s t riv es t o emul ate o r p r ay s
t o duplicate the spiri t of his fathers .

Full orb ed perfec t ion perpetua t ion in perpetuity righ t

-
, ,

ful pa rt icipat ion in the millennial dawni ng when huma nit y

has reached the zeni th of it s accomplishment is the crown ,

and bles si ng of those o nly who have lived life at its highes t .

and k nown h u ma n loves in its fulness .

Hail then love the crown and blessing of humanity t h e

, , , ,

ga t e to infi nity the symbol of the A ll Father !

,
-

L ove is t h e greate st t hing in the world I h ave s aid t hi s .

before ; and it may be quoted from the p rofoundest scient i sts ,

t h e great est divi ne s .

Everyo ne h as said it who feeli n g th e emot ional love o f

,

the adole scent reache s o u

! t in grat i tude for his o wn j oyou s
s p ri ngtime to th e M aker of all and wi t h mis si o nary in
, ,

spirat io n strive s to i nfu se t hi s j oy int o all manki nd .

Everyone has said it who seeing in the mat u re light o f

,

rea s o n t he glo ries of the u nive rse and th e wo nde rs of th e

world experiences the rat io nal love which is expressed in

,

fealty t o t he M aker of all and in a spi ri t of se r vice .

Everyone has said it who has known th e perfect com ,

l t d love of a m a n fo r a wo m an o r a wo m a n f or a m a n
p e e ,

h as said it and h as su ng it and h as k nown from t his highes t

, ,

human relat ion tha t divine love was no t a my th and th at

, ,

al t rui sm was th e grea test obligatio n .

Bu t is th e re any special rarefied per fect ed b rand of lo ve,

, ,
 A P ro lego meno n and an A p o theo sis o f L o ve 86 8

or is all love o ne, and do all loves i nt erpene trat e ? Is there

a higher love and a lower love ; or is t he so call ed higher
-

derived from t he so called low er ; and are e ac h and all good

-

and wort hy when properly ble nded ? Can t h e re be the ide al

wi thou t t he mate rial ? Can o ne fo rm of l o ve be perceived ,
or be fel t , o r c an it exis t, wi tho ut all ? No ! Life t hat man
enj oys , human love which is t he medium through which that
life is give n, aspirat io n and love of the D ivi ne , i nspira t ion
and hope of immo rtali ty , all s tand or fall t ogeth er .

P hilosophy dem ands this , science has di scovered it , t he

ology t akes it for grant ed ; for no religio ni st , anc ie nt or
modern, pret ends that more than o ne man, and He t hro ugh
the agency of a special , divi ne dispe nsa t io n, has be en born
into t his world o ther than t hrough the via nat uralis of
human love .

Can we wo nder at th e oak and ignore the acorn ? Can we

rej oice in the harves t and scorn t he sed ti me ? Can we -

glory in God s goodness and despi s e tha t agency of His

’

t hrough which we live and breathe and work and pray ?

M an born of woman is he re t hrough hu man devices p re
s cribed by his M aker If th e M aker is good so are we the
.
, ,

works of H is ha nds ; and so are t he means w e are made b y .

O nce sci ence saw di m ly and sai d tha t fort ui to us nat ure
through diverse combi nat io ns fu lfilled all co ndi t io ns and ,

that love w as a go o d t hough ear th bor n and lo w ly

,
-
.

Reli gion t o o seei ng darkly revered a creat or first mighty

, , ,

and fearful the n reve ngefu

, l and huma n no w lovi ng and ,

t ender .

Science i gnored the A u thor Reli gion despised the means

.

and mo t ive force of mo rt ali ty and immort ali ty Sci ence and .

religion were all at war Now all rat io nal worship all
.
,

logical science u ni te o n love as the mot ive pri nciple the

, ,

mainspri ng of h uma n and divi ne of mu ndane and t ranscend

,

ent of t ime and e t erni t y

,
.

Sackclot h and s ab e cs no longer i ndica t e humili ty ; a long

face and t he renu nc iation of all plea sure no longer mea n
piet y ; igno ra nce and s tarved o ut emo tio n are no longer
-

s yno nymou s wi t h virt ue N ei th er absence of passs io n no r

.

lu st ful po ssessio n can no w be c alled love L ove came from .

86 4 The A rt o f L o ve

th e highes t It became reali z able to as through the lowe st

. .

I t is o nly t hus t hat it c an agai n soar to t he highes t It .

is t hus a pragmat ic compou nd of bo t h h ighees t and lowest ,

et ernal and u ndi ff e rent iable .

L ove alo ne gives happi ness which philosophy has mad e ,

t he highest deside rat um which scie nce has decla red the mo s t
,

potent therapy which religion has rece ntly le arned t o be

,

th e only s t a t e for t rue good ness and wo rship .

I t is clear tha t lov e and happi ne ss and good nes s and life
and imm o rtali ty are o ne and i nseparable ; and tha t lov e s
t hemselves called diverse names in diverse places are als o
, ,

o ne and i nseparable and tha t love is fu ndament al for all

,

t hat we are or have been o r will b e fo r all that we imagi ne , ,

desi re or may realiz e ?

,

If so let us leave love s laudat ion and speak a word c o n

,
’

ce ri ng the prac t ical applicat io n of such special knowledge

of love to social condi t io ns .

It may be ant i climax to leave the abst ract fo r t he c o n

-

crete to aba ndo n lofty thoughts fo r pragma tic consider a

,

tions ; b u t we should like t o leave at t he las t a brief su m m ary

of what much t hough t h as crys t alli zed i nt o what are believed
t o be fu ndame nt al prac t i cal me asu re s t o broade n and deepe n
,

and mult iply the loves of o u r commo n humani ty .

Th ere is general agreem nt amo ng sociologi sts sexo lo

—
,

gi sts psychologi st s and physicia ns really among all

—
, ,

t hi nki ng people tha t there should be mo re frank discus s io n

of sex matters and tha t old and young should have mo re
,

sex edu cat ion t hat m arriage shoul d be earlie r that the
, ,

familie s of the healthy and wealthy should be l arger tha t ,

people should have children accordi ng t o their means and ,

t ha t th e unfi t sh o uld no t have children at all .

O f cou rse t h ere are slight di ff e rences of opi nion regard ing
these ma t te rs bu t I t hi nk t hat everyone who h as i nves t i
,

gated th ese subj ec ts at all will agree t o th e proposi t ion t ha t

th e greatest menace t o our well being as a nat io n and th e -
,

greatest danger of race dete rioration a rise from the incre as

ing number s of the u nmarried of bot h sexes w i th as resul t s , , ,

venereal di sease promi scui ty neurosis and sex a nt ago ni sm,

, ,

fromth e i gno rance of the newly ma rried of the prope r c o n

86 6 Th e A rt o f Lo ve

Law s preventi ng proper ins t ruct io n in c o nt ra ceptiv e -

me t hods should be repealed ; and cente rs fo r disbursi ng co n

t r a ceptive k nowledge shoul d be es t abli shed prob ably in
-
,

conju nc t ion with t he schools for those about t o marry .

You ng peopl e in love and desiri ng to marry but h am ,

pered by the eco nomic problem should be encouraged t o

marry and t aught how t o live a normal and satisfact o ry sex
ual life while usi ng proper p reventive mea sures fo r the fi rst
,

few years Even t hose marryi ng in good circumst a nces

.

migh t be encouraged to pos t pone p rocre ation fo r a year o r

s o af t er mar riage .

C a ndidat es for matrimo ny should fi rst be ex ami ned phy si

call y and by Bi net methods If the ch ances are decidedl y
, .

agai nst thei r havi ng healthy o ff sp ri ng they should be t augh t

,

how t o prevent concept ion and allowed to ma rry wi th t he ,

w arni ng t hat if t he advice give n is no t heeded the power t o

proc reate will be take n from t hem by vasec t omy or o iiph o re c
t omy or o ther met hod T hose palpably u
. nfi t to have ch i l
dren sh o uld be sterili zed before being al lowed to ma rry .

It would be criminal t o prevent the marriage of thi s clas s

alt ogether It is an u nwarrant ed inte rfe rence wi th the right
.
,

t he heal th t he pleasu re of t he i ndividual and would leav e

, ,

s o c ie ty full of da ngerou s and u nco nt rollable elements We .

s hould p romote h appi ne ss and s afegua rd healt h and fo re

s t all vice and crime by allowi ng such people t o m arry ; bu t

we sh o uld cont rol the proge ny .

I amawa re tha t some oppo se e arly ma rriage argui ng t hat ,

fi rst love is calf love that it is an afl air of th e senses and

'

, ,

t hat divorce and infi delity would result from such ea rly m at
i ngs T he re is some reason fo r t his argument, no doubt
.

y e t I have see n ma ny pe rma ne nt ly happy ma rr iage s wi t h ,

perfectly h ealthy o ff sp ri ng whe re men of nine t ee n o r t wenty

married girls of sevent ee n o r eighteen Very likely such age s
.

at marriage are to o early fo r mos t b u t no t fo r all

, .

O n the othe r hand the marri ages where the m

, an is t hi rty
o r more and th e woma n t went y eight or over oft e n resul t
-

b adly si nce both pa rt ie s have become selfi sh and h abituated

,

t o ce rt ain habi t s of t hought o r way s of livi ng and it is ,

hard to make th e comp ro mi ses w hich are i nevi t able, and t o

 51 P ro lego me mmand mZ po theosis of Lo ve
( 36 1

merg e t heir personali t ies, as is necessary t o insu re a happy,

marriage .

I believe that men and women marrying in the e arly

t went ie s have bett er and more permanent health bet t e r ,

ch ance of long life bette r prospect of healthy o ff spri ng

, ,

other thi ngs bei ng equal than th ose who wait t i ll th e early
,

t hi r ties .

I believe t hat it is u nques t io ned at p resent t hat t here is

much more venereal disease amo ng the men and more neu
r osis amo ng th e wome n who marry la te th an among t hose

Wh o marry early
. .

P robably t he m aj o rity of women should m arry be tween

t we nty and t wenty t wo and th e maj o rit y o f m
-
, en be t ween

t wenty t wo and t we nt y four

- -
.

How can thi s be done u nde r our eco nomic condi t ions and
, ,

w i th our pre sent sys tem of p rolonged educat ion? O ne hel p

fu l measure would be t o pos t pone th e procreat ion of children
for three or four years A nother would be some measure
.

guaranteei ng increase d wages to the fath er of a no rmal si zed

f amily or some subsidy t o t he mother
, .

Educat io nal i nsti t u tions should encourage the presence of

you ng ma rried people in coll ege and universty I know at .

leas t o ne college president who would favor thi s

“
.

D r Hilda Noy es h as advocat ed in T he J o u rna l of He red

“
.
,
” ”
ity , Feb 1 92 0 A P arents Mutual P ro te ctve Leagu e
.
, ,
’

who se members would each pay a ye arly fee T his fee would .

be ba sed o n the ea rnings of the members T he proceeds .

would go t oward payi ng th e expenses of me m bers of the

l eague h aving children in any given year A surplus would .

g o t o promo t e t he s t udy of euge nic s child welfare public , ,

health sex educat io n voluntary parenthood etc

, , , .

T his is a most valuable art icle I t hi nk she h as al so m en

.

t io ned bu , t whet her o r no t th ere is sugge ste d by her a r t i

,

cle a scheme somewh at as follows : T he st ate i ssues insur

ance policies t o promi si ng young m en who are no t able t o

marry T here is an annual premium but the policy i nstead

.
, ,

of ma turi ng in t wenty or fort y ye ars o r at dea th is paid , ,

in a lump su m or in inst allments from th e fi rst The st at e .

t akes the ri sk th at a you ng m an leadi ng a clean and no rm al

86 8 The Art o f Love

married l ife will pay the yearly premiums unt il the policy is
cancelled Thi s idea commends i tself very s t rongly to me ,
.

es p eci ally if it combi nes wi t h it t he idea of t ho ro ugh sex

inst ructio n at t h e tim e of marriage It is impos s ible t o .

t hink of a s afer risk u nless it m

, ight be U nit ed S t a t es bonds ,

t ha n t he promise t o pay of a you ng and happy hu sba nd

m arried to a young and happy wife when the pair know t he
way to keep happy and t o control th e family with i n reas on
able limi ts .

I have formerly spoken of a tax o n bachelo rs as an inc en

t ive t o marriage . P erhaps it migh t be cons t ru ed as an
att e mp t t o fo rce t hem to m arry t hu s i nterfering t o o much
,

wi th the right of the i ndividual Ce rtainly no o ne wants a

.

man t o marry unt il he is in love with a woman B ut such a .

t ax would be no more tha n fair ; for t he bachelor cont ribu te s

no th i ng in t he way of home infl u enc e t o the prese nt noth ing ,

in t he way of legi t imat e o f sp ring t o the fu ture and as a ,

ru le lit tle t o the public exchequer O f course t he re are

, .

many cas es where this is no t true ; and man bachelors wh o

have good rea sons fo r their bachelorhood have high aims and
broad phil ant hmp ies .

If a t ax would set the o rdi nary bachelo r t o thi nki ng ;

and if t hen proper sex educa t ion should reveal t o him t hat
h is healt h would be better h is life prolonged his happi nes s
, ,

wo nderfully intensified if he were to love and marry s o me

good woman ; and if o n t he o ther ha nd he co uld be br o ught
, ,

t o reali z e t hat by no t ma rryi ng he w as doi ng some good

woman an irreparable i nj ury it would be a blessing f o r h im
,

and a benefit to the public .

O ne great hi nd rance t o marria ge is that m en and women

are so busy and are so isolated from each ot her especially ,

in t he st renuous life of large commu ni t ies t hat t hey h av e

li tt le t ime t o get acquai nt ed and to allow propinqui ty whi ch ,

is t he ha nd maiden of love t o accomplish its work

-
, As a .

mle t here are no suit able p rop erl y sup ervi sed meet i ng
“
, ,

places for such young people In Sex and Life I men .

”

t io ned the necessit y o f such cent ers where people of bo th ,

sex es coul d meet and dance play games si ng pass social

, , ,

evenings a , nd enj o y t he mselve s gene ra lly in a pe rfectly eth i

 E1t£l oyog
’

( 6 11d
. 6
’ ’
01 18e 0801 u
dxow w)

Wh en my first book was published in 1 91 6 I had no ide a , ,

t hat I should writ e ano ther u nless I go t t ime t o do it while ,

in j ail I su rely did no t have t h e t ime ; and I knew t hat

.

wit hi n recent years in t his cou nt ry an autho r spent co nsid

c rable t im e in j ail fo r w ri t ing a much milder book t han
mi ne along t he same li nes Even when Havelock Ell i s
, .

att empt ed t o publi sh the fi rst volume of his series in E ngland ,

prosecut ions made it necessary f o r him t o seek a medic al

publisher in thi s country
“
.

Bu t i ns tead of a st o rm of c ri t ici sm th e re a ro se a cloud o f ,

wi tnes se s P eople had begu

. n t o heed the Delphia n precept ,

( W M ; o em tm t he re was a desire inc reasingly insi st ent ,

,

t o k now the meani ng of life and how to live it , .

A t any rate it was no t po ssible for me wi th my compla

, ,

cent personali t y t o fight agai nst t he nec essity fu rnished by

,

t h e demands of friends pat ients and my o wn cons ciou sness

, , ,

of th e need of knowledge in t his fi eld ; fo r like Ellis agai n , ,

I had t hen been st udying in a desult ory superfi cial way t o

, , ,

be sure for tha t was all I had t ime fo r fo r fi ft een years

, ,

before th e book was w ri tt en and that was eight years befo re ,

it w as published I h ad read the li teratu re t o some ex t ent ;

.
,

bu t my p ri ncipal study had been of m en a nd women in th e

r aw .

If I have m ade any cont ribut ion it is bec au se I have in a , ,

diminu t ive microscopic way like Socrates, been midwife to

, ,

many souls in labo r .

I have wat ched it seem s t o me endle ss perso nalit i es

, , ,

st ripped of all ado rnment in compl e t e s el f revealment hou ses

,
-
,

divided against them selves complexe s set against complexes , , ,

a gruelli ng co ntest , an A rmageddon betwee n the i nsti nct ive ,

872 Th e A rt o f Love

cravi ngs of primi t iv e man and the public c o nscience of mo d

e m societ y

When my fi rst book was wri tten I already h ad accumu

.

lated a wealt h of cli nical ma terial A s I have writte n it h as . ,

more than quad rupled ; and that wi thout i ncludi ng the par
t ial,
ske t chy h i
,s t o rical accou n t s an d com m e nda t io n s w h ic h
are as t he s a nds of t he sea .

I have w ritten rapidly and h ave had littl e time or dispo

,

s it io n t o look over any t hi ng o nce wri tt e n ; so t he old sayi ng

“
,

( 51s xodu fin WM O S’ mus t often have occu rred to t he

reader .

6 1 fi fi o s” )
Each bo ok has seemed ( 11 110 1 0 ; ( an e ndle s s t ask
when in p rospect ; and o ne feels a li ttle we ary wi th them 111
re t rospect ; bu t no t much gr ass h as grow n unde r o u r feet

while we were abou t them

“
.

”
I s ay we advi sedly for in spit e of all her ea rly o bj ec
, ,

t ions and re t icences I never should have w ri t ten any of t hese

,

books without my wife t o run th e t ypewri te r Y es I may .

,

g o back fur t he r a n d sa
y t ha t wi thou , t he r dea r self as a
problem and an i nspi ration I should probably st ill be grow
,

ing co rn and pot a t oes in th e Gree n M ou nt ai n st at e wi t h no ,

more knowledge of the sex ques tion than the archaeological

p rofessors whom I have elsewhere referred to o r than th e ,

many fossils t hat we find in modern society solid remi nde rs , ,

like th e Dover cli ffs of a forme r life abu ndant to be s ur e

, , ,

bu t of li m i ted developme nt and pe rspective .

Bu t the world do move ; and let me say righ t here t h at

“
,

the c rit ici smin th e A ppendix to B ook II of R at ional Sex

”
Et hics ,
which I answe red perhaps rather cavalierly , , ,

e scaped t he attent ion of those in au thori t y o ver th e j ou rnal

in which it was publi shed ; and fo rthwit h a mo st since re and
unexpected explanatio n was rendered me ; and fu rthe rmo re,
I was shown the greate s t cou rtesy and co nfidence in bei ng
asked to review and c ri t ici se a p roposed new book o n sex
i nst ruc t i o n I do no t mea n to say t hat the social hy gi ene
.

s ociet ie s a re in ent i re a greement wit h me no r I wi t h t hem; ,

bu t we su rely agree like all who have i nvest igate d t hes e su

, b
s in fu nda m e al
j ec t , n t s .

I was saying tha t I h ave c onceived and executed , and m y

 I
N TRO DU CTIO N TO GLO SSAR Y

As a b ook for mo st A mericans this bo ok is already to o ,

large We t i re when we are through wit h essentials ; and if

.

the gi st of a subj ect canno t be giv en in a re as onable t im e it

is be t te r t o leave somethi ng o u t .

The au tho r s redintegr at ive tendency m

’
ay be responsible
to some e xte nt fo r t he si z e of th i s volume bu t t he inhe rent ,

nature of the subj ec t and th e fo rm e r utt er di sregard of it

are also in large measu re re spo nsible F ew h ave had reaso n .

abl e ideas of sex ; t he se idea s have h ad sligh t p u blicity ; and

any i nnovatio ns in t hi s fi eld h ave been u nde r t he b an of an
int o lera nt public conscience .

A subj ec t like my p re sent o ne m u st be de alt wit h by repeti

t ion by illu st rat ion by exho rt at io n if wh at is s aid is to sink
, , ,

in and carry co nvict io n .

R egardless of s i z e it would be a defect t o omi t the anat

,

om a n d phy iology of t h ep oduc t ive o ga n if t h i book

y s e r r r s s

were i ntended p rimarily for the general public ; but such is

no t the ca se . It is designed especi ally fo r p rofessional peo
p le
. A t t h e sa m e time it h a s bee
, n t h e au t ho r s hope t h at it
’

wo uld so find favor in the eyes of tho se for whom it was

d esigned that they would p as s it o n t o t hei r m a rriage able
s ons and daughters and pos sibly give it as a pre sc rip t io n in
,

selec ted cases as has been do ne wit h h is fo rmer books

, .

Furthermo re it is the autho r s belief t hat wit hin ten yea rs

,
’

ude s w ill h ave vani shed t he l aws will h ave be en m d ifi ed ,

p r , o
and t his and similar book s will be acce ssible to an intelli gent
laity wh o se need is gre at
’

.
,

E ven no w the au tho r kno ws clergym en no t a few who

, ,

would best ow such i nform

. at io n as thi s bo ok co nt ai ns al o ng ,

wi th the sanct io ns of th e churc h and t he bl essi ng of Go d on ,

eve ry newl y wedded p ai r .

In expl aining to m y p r o fe sssi o n a l frie nd s t hat I h ave in

875
3 76 The Art o f Lo ve

vi ew the po ssible use of thi s info rmat ion somet ime by tho se
ou ts ide th e p ro fesssio ns I avoid the necessi ty for an apology ,

for my ext remely s imple termi nology and explai n th e pres ,

ence of t hi s glo ssary which while e nt i rely unnec essary fo r , ,

t h e profess io nal reade r may in some small degree compensa te

‘

f o r the omi ssions of chapters o n a nat omy and phy siology .

Glo ssary

‘
Ad o lescenc e, period of change fromboy or girl to man or

woman .

A sceticism celibacy o r complet e sex cont rol

, , .

A uto er o tism mas turbat ion Ona ni sm self abu se

-
, , ,
-
.

B io lo gy science of life
, .

Bu l bo u s in o r pe rt ai ni ng to t he bulb o r enla rgem

, ent at the , ,

roo t of the peni s .

Celib acy si ngle life absolu t e sex co nt rol in the unmarried

, , .

Cervix t h e neck of the womb which p rot ru

, des int o t he ,

vagina .

Chas tity absti nence from sexual i nte rcourse

, .

Clito ris a small round erec t ile o rgan at the upper pa rt of

, , ,

th e vulva o r lip s surrou nded by the upper p art o f the

, ,

nym ph m or small lip s If t

, h e embryo had developed .

int o a male i nst e ad of a fem ale the clito ris w o uld have ,

been the penis and t he uppe r port io n of t he nymphe , ,

sur rou ndi ng it would have bee n t h e prepuce or fo re , ,

~

ski n The se nsa tio ns of t he cli t o ri s in t he female are

.

like those of t he penis in th e male .

Co itus sexual i nt e rcou rse

, .

Co it u s interru p t us wi t hdrawal O n a n ism , , .

Co it u s reserv atu s int ercourse wi thou t o rgasm by the m

, an ;
somet i m es also nei t her pa rty h as orgasm , .

Co nt inence comple t e sexual self rest rai nt i e from bo th

,
-
, . .
,

i ntercou rse and mast urbatio n .

Cm i Hagu e o r li nc tus cu nnilingu

,
is stimulat ion of t he , ,

female genit als part icularly the clito ri s by the t o ngue , ,

or to ngue and lips .

Ej ac u latio praeco a p remat ure o rga sm or expul sion o f the '

, ,

s eme n

i ssi o n o f sem
.

E j acu lation o rga sm o r em , en , .

3 78 The Art o f Love

Pub erty , adoles cence .

S ad ism de sire to infl ict pain

, .

S em inal vesicu litis infl am mat io n of semi nal vesicles

, .

S pecu l wm inst rument t h rough which i nternal o rgans m

, ay be
s ee n .

S perm ato zo a the m ale reproduct ive cells which appe ar like
, ,

small tadpoles swim m ing in the semen .

Su b co ns cio u s beyo nd o rdina ry memo ry o r power t o rec all

, , .

Titill atio n t ickling , .

Unc o mcio m u sed by F reu do nians fo r subco nsciou s

, .

U rethra p assage fo r t he uri ne

, .

Ureth ritis specifi c , go no rrhceal

) or be nign (inno c ent ):
infl am matio n o f the urethra .

Urethrorrho ea ex lib id ine slight dis charge fro mpeni s du ring ,

sexual exci tement .

U teru s w o mb
, .

Vagina canal fo r interc o u rse and fo r exi t of ch il d

, .

Viril it y power of p ro c reat i o n in m

, ale o r female .

Vo lu p t uo us sen su al , .

Yoni fem
, ale genital o rgans .
 LIST O F B OOK S

No p retense is made tha t thi s lis t of bo ok s is at all co m

p le te or co mprehe nsive It is me rely a few of the olde r and .

a few of the newer bo oks which in my o pi nion are mo st

helpful .

U nfortu na tely wh ile th ere are many very valuable scien

,

t ifi c books for the stu dent they are to o large t o o tech nical , , ,

and to o ab st rac t to be of the greatest value t o the l ai ty in

g en e ra
. l
T here is a t rem o nd o us v o lum e o f sex li terat u re pu rp o rt i ng ,

to teach a proper sex life to all c lasses and givi ng all definite ,

i nstruct ion abo ut venereal di sea se T he portions t reat i ng of .

venereal di seases are almost i nva riably ac curate ; and they

are very nece ssary T he bo oks t reat i ng of sex educat ion are
.

as yet alm ost entirely domi nated by the old fallacies ; and
t hei r t e rm s are often so veiled as t o make th e e ssent i al p arts
o f t he subj ec t u ni nt elligible t o t he u ns ophis t icat ed .

A ll t he se bo ok s show the best i nte nt and ma ny h ave such ,

value ; b ut I will no t name t hem si nce their number is legion .

“ “
,
”
P or t io ns of my bo ok Sex and Life t o wit R S E fo r
” “ ” “
, , , . . .

P arents R S E for You ng Women R S E fo r

” “
, . . .
, . . .

”
Y ou ng M en R S E for M a rried P eople
, . . and this book
.
,

i tself are intended to fill some of th i s void which exi sts in the
li teratu re betwee n the older and newer ideas of sex How .

t he par t ies who need t hi s i nfo rmat ion c an obtai n it is th e

que st io n since I have w ri tten th es e thi ngs without detrac
,

t io n f rom the tru th as I see it o r from fac t s as I obt ai n

, ,

t hem ; and in many circles th ese u nveiled te achi ngs are co n

sidered alto ge t he r to o plai n fo r t he gene ral reade r .

B no c n, IWAN —
e Sexual Life o f Ou
Th . r Tim e R ebm an, .

N Y
—
.

E L LIS, H A VE LO C K S tudies in the P sychol o gy o f Sex Six

. .

vo ls F A Davis Co , P hil
. . . . .

87 9
880 The A rt o f Lo ve

H mmnn, M A L ders of the Sexual F unct ion F A —Diso r . . .

D avis C o P hiladelphia
—
.
, .

P o s E L A v e ns r T he Sexual Ques t io n R ebman N Y '

—
, . .
, . .

Ge nnns A N D T H O M SO N Tll e Evolut ion of Sex Humb oldt . .

P ublishi ng C c N Y
— ,
. . .

HA L L G STA N LE Y
, A dole sce nce
. Two vol s A pple t on, . . .

NY
—
. .

K nA r r r E n c , R v o
- '
m
P sychopat hi a Sexuali s F A . m . . .

D avi s Co , P hila
—
. .

MAL C H O W , C W T he Sexual Life Mo seby Co , St Lou is . . . . . .

M E N TAL HY GIE N E , Vo l IV , O ct , 1 92 0 N Y
—
. . . . . .

ME ISE L HE SS , GanrE Th e Sexual Crisis Cri t ic and Guide

- '
. .

Cc , N Y
—
. . .

m
Mnx z s, K A u t o ero tic P heno mena of A dole scence P aul
-
. .

H o eb er, N Y
—
. .

N o nrnc o rn, R E V H
'
C h ri st i ani ty and Sex P roble s
'
F . . m . .

A Davi s Co , P hila
—
. . .

m
Ta a r, B S Wo man N Y . . . . .

P sr c no ana mrsm

B R ILL , A sycho analy si s

A —
N Y
P
—
. . . . .

B J nnnE , P O U L Hist ory and P ractice o f P sycho nalysis . .

B adge r, B o st on
—
.

F xnnx c zx, S Sex and P sych o analy si s B adger, Bo sto n

—
. . .

a x, H W M orbid Fears and Compulsions Wm . . . .

Hei nemann, London

—
.

F B E U D , Sl GM U N D T he Inte rpretat ion of Dream s , and ot her .

books Brill s tra nsla t ions ’

—
. .

HA L L G STAN LEY
, Educational P roblems
. . . Tw o vols .

A pplet on N Y
—
, . .

HO LT E B Th e F reudian Wi sh Hol t
,
—
. . . .

J o nus E nx nsr P sychoanalysis

,
—
. .

J U N G C G P sychology of the U nconsciou s Mo fi att,

'

.
, . .

N Y
—
. .

Warm W , . A . Mech ani m of Cha s s ra ct er F o rmat ion M ae .

mill an , N Y . .
882 The Art o f Love

Lo ne , H . W .
-
Sane Sex L ife and Sane Sex Living . B ad ger,
B o sto n
—
.

MO LL, A S xual
Life of the Child Macmillan, N Y
—
. e . . .

R o nmso x , W J B i rth Cont rol Crit ic and Guide , N Y

—
. . . .

S ro r ns, Man
'
m
M arried Lo ve Cr i t ic and Guide , R adiant
. .

M otherhood , L o ndo n .

Sl um, Wu H - . C hild ren by Ch anc e o r by Cho i ce B adger,

. .

B o sto n
So o n ] HY GIEN E
.
.

—
IO5 W 40th St N Y
. . . .
p fl m
’ 1 59, 1 54 Clitoris, titill ation o f, 6 9, 7s, 73 , sq
ms 1se ms 905
r ,
A nxiety N e , ”
ia m
is
1 00- , , , , 949, 950,
, 47

als, 49, directio ns to bo th sexes concern

48, 44 ing, 40, 41 ,
A rtsto t1e, wo rks o f, 86 , 87, 45, 46
'
Co itus interrup t u
s . 800 With
A rt o f Lo ve, 68 901
tor the u m
n arried, 191 , et se q.

newly-wed s igno rant o f, 78, 94

valu knowledge o f, 984 a hov begin and mi
m
zm
e of C o ngr to
s;
m 54 m
9

A scctlcts , , 99, 94, 1 91 Co ns id eratio ns inor, 1 99 -1 94

Co ntinence ( ale ) or reservat u
M s,
76 , 89, 90, 1 1 4, 1 1 5, 1 47 et
1 59, 1 77,
c ,

a
M
a61
l 1 09, 1 18, 13 9, 1 88 freq
uency o f, 1 80, 909
ug
E F
“
1 86 , 1 88, 189, 149, 1 79, 1 91 , 909, in 81 8
12 :
.,

w1 11 caph c and
.

905, 906 , 91 4, 91 5 et se , 995, q cap11 6 o u, ‘g

f
.

why d esire l, 89
e Cunnlltn n 91s. 944 :
fi
3
ob ects
j 111, 70, 94, 1 96
1 89, 955, 96 0
Dharm a, 90, 91
Diane, 1 43 , 1 44, 1 47, 1 59, 1 58, 1 56 ,
1 6 9, 1 80, 1 91 , 194
Douch es, 1 99, 1 93 , 194
m
Drea s, ero tic in wo men , 48-45,
No 3 18,
. 987
N o 500, 940
m:
.

No . 953 Ej acu
l atlo p a
r
N o 590, 96 1 1 05, 988
m
.

No 591 , 979 E issio n , 55, 1 98 et se q

m
. .

a E o t n scxu al, benefi cial el ects

io
0 p g 6 9 89 85 99 70 74,
:
e , , , , ,
7 o eo
q
Dellbo e , 54
Chastity, 3 1 8 at se q. F ellatio, 91 7, 918, 96 3 , 96 8, 979
m
0111 Science, 1 6 , 1 6 9 F etichis , 991 et se q .

s fetich, 979 et se q
m
nates a .

Clito ris, 86 , 56 , 6 9 F or a tion. 54

repu g nan t» at mention of,
3 84 Ind ea:

F ree Love 1 97, 1 99, 1 6 1 , 1 88, 1 84

, I nt erco urse, p p
re ar at ion fo r,
1 87, 1 99, 881 et s e q . to uch ing privat e
p ar ts 86 , 76 ,
m
,
F ree t i e, 1 93 , 1 94 99, 1 04, 1 09
F rigld ity, real, 87 sa tisfactio n in, 97, 1 09
p se ud o , 86 -89 987 et s e
, q
.

m
K a a, 90, 91
m
K a a S hast ra, 91
m
K a a Su tra, 1 8-90, 87, 46 -48, 51 , 81!
Ge nerat ive o rgans, mal e, 87, 41 K aren a, 147, 1 51 , 1 59, 1 57-159, 1 9 1 ,
Gl ands o f Litt re, Co wper and 1 94, 1 97
B art o lin, 1 09 K aren a M eth o d , The, o r agnet a M
tio n, 1 56 -1 59
K issing, 85, 55, 56 , 59, 6 9, 79, 74,
1 04, 1 07, 1 99, 1 87
Ho mo sexuality no t u
sually con

ge nit980 at se , 954, 976

al q Lesbianism 954
m
, .

H y en, 6 8, 75, 1 05, 904, 948

,

Leuco rrh oea 988

H ysteria, 5 7, 88, 1 99
,

Life S to ry 91 1 et se q
m 99 96 27
, .

uinga
.
, , ,

Lo ve , Psycho lo gy o f
48, 51 , 59, 6 7 ,

I mpotence 88 93 94 107, 1 78 Love , p y

s c h o lo gy and art o f,
manual stimulatio n
, , , ,

in, 94, 1 1 8, kno wled ge necessary, 988 et

1 6 6 , 901 se q
.

In-breed ing, 58
I nf at u at io ns cau sed b y l ack o f M al fo rmat ions 89
afl ect io n and sex sta rva tio n,
“ M al e Co nt inence
,
”
a m
hl t 1 471
p p e ,
93 5 et se q . et se q .

Infi d el ity, reaso ns f o r, 989, 940 Marriage , co urt sh ip and, 99-88, 54,
I nh ibit io ns, 59, 54, 56 , 57, 6 9, 6 8, 6 5, 74, 85, 90, 98, 99, 1 09, 1 91 ,
84, 88, 96 , 1 06 , 978, 979, 980 1 24, 13 0-1 3 3 , 1 49, 1 6 4, 908
981 M m
asoch is . 989
Interco urse, co nd u ct o f , 98, 1 1 8 M astu rbat io n d u ring pregna ncy, in
du ra m
tio n o f, lo ng-t i ed, 94, 96 , absence o f h u sband , 957, 958
fear o f , cause o f m
’

1 19 arital
(111 rat ion o i, sho rt -t i ed , 94, 96 ,m t ro uub les, 987, 988
1 19 fear o f, cause o f nervo u s sy p m
fo r procreatio n o nly, 1 95, 1 96 , m
to s, 58, 94 7, 986
1 4 1 , 1 58, 1 6 9-1 6 4 m
h ar lessnes o f, 91 1 et se , 959, q
.

f o r t w o pu rposes, socia l and 958, 974

p r ocr e a t iv e , 1 9 5 , 1 9 6 in th e m
arried, 85, 86 , 94, 948
q
fre uency o f, 6 0, 70, 79, 75, 78 q
e t se , 9 79
m
.

85, 99, 1 1 8, 1 98, 1 73 , 1 89, 96 9, ut ual, 995, 96 7 et se q .

905, 906 , 948 et se , 956 q o f wife b y h u sb and when h e in

m m
.

o t io n o f, 1 08 s t s e , 1 1 8 q i po tent, 95 7
m
.

utual ity in, 48, 79, 74, 79, 85, o f wife b y h u sba nd wh en she
86 , 1 05, 1 09, 909 fails o f o rgas , 86 0 m
r
p p e a r at i o n f o r , c r e a t in g 00 11 tell t h e t ru th abo u t it, 996 , 958
fl d ence in t h e girl , 3 8 M enstru at io n, 89, 40, 48, 78, 79, 84
p re p a r at io n f o r , th e e m b rac e, 3 4 , 85, 188, 1 89
,

85, 8 8 , 8 9 , 5 6 , 76 , 1 0 9 - 111 interco u rse du ring, 84-88, 1 98

p re p a r at i o n f o r, t o u c h in g an d
t it ill at ing b reast s and nipples, Nu d ity, 80, 96 , 1 08, 1 04, 1 90, 1 89
85, 56 , 79, 76 , 98, 99, 1 04, 106 , m
in Alph is , 1 59 et s e , 948 q
m
.

1 09, 1 1 1 , 186 N y ph e , 56 , 1 04
3 86 Taller

Sex p ractices of bro thers and Writen — coatl ued )

siste rs, 949 et seq Burton, 46
blem o f
.

pro
by early marriage 996 Ch idley, N W, 194
m
, .

necess ities o f w o an, 90-94, C rawfo rd, 1 07

1 09, 1 09, 1 1 4, 1 94, 1 6 8, 904, 905, D ante, 1 99
Ellis, 97, 51 , 1 94, 855
rep ressio n,inj urio us efl ects c l , F ielding,
99, 98, 1 98, 1 99, 1 81 , 1 79, 1 78, F o rel, 48,
F reud, 5 1 ,
k
s ho c s to girls, 6 1 , 6 9, 74, 1 01 ,
108, 980, 981
sla very, 45
teac hing. 6 8. 6 9, 6 5. 74. 88,
1 3 3 , 188, 3 13 a t u
Sexu al abu se o f girls m
en, 6 1,

m
956 , see, 93 1
Special sensees as sex sti u li, ms
m
Standard o f o ral s, 996
S tirpicu ltare o r scientifi c propaga
tion, 1 6 8 Ju ng, 51
u -eonsclo u
S b l , 1 98 K in , 1 07
Su m
bli atio n, 81 , 1 99-181, 1 70, 1 79 K ra -Eb ln8g , 51 , 848 , 857
L idston, 48
Tabu o f sex, Ch ristian, 1 7, 58, 87 Locke, 107
Lo 49, 1 09, 1 1 9, 1 18, 198
Mschlow ,

U nion, sexu al, kinds c l , 98, 99 M e Hess

eis l -
, 51 , 197, 889 a
t 009,
according to sh e, 99, 98
du ra tio n o f, 98 Menzies , 1 18

m
U rcth ro rrhtea ex lib idine, 1 09, 1 99 Mo ll. l
N oyet , I da,
ma ma 1 8, 90, 98. 84. w, 48. N oyes, J H , 1 47 et seq 156 , 1 78
g
. .

O wen, 1 51
V enereal disease, 180, 995

Weddin3g nlght 6 0, 78, 96 , 97, 1 1 0,

,
904, 984, 956 R o binson, 1 47
prepa ratio n f or Interco urse

With d rawal or coit s nterru

u I p t“,
89, 1 1 4 et se
With awal, fled to m Stockham, 1 51 , 1 56 , 107
d
1 14
r
1 r
,

m
Wo an acting the part 01 mm .
97, 98

YM Q “