The Journal of Immaterial Science

ILLITERATURE REVIEW
ZOOLOGY
Received: 1st March 2022
Capra stabilis: The Mythical Mountain Goat with Uneven
Revised:
Accepted:
6nd March 2023
1st April 2023
Legs
DOIOU: 10.1800GOATS Corona Lagerbeard,A Tabitha McMoggy,B Melon Husk,A Archipelago JonesC and Günther SchlonkD*
This literature review summarises the current body of knowledge concerning Capra stabilis, the even-toed ungulate
commonly known as the dahu. The history of its discovery, its physiology, behaviour and evolutionary lineage are discussed.

For centuries, the dahu was considered to be mythic, akin to the to inform his trapping strategy. While his competitors were
jackalope, the wendigo, the drop bear and the tenure-track using nets, bait and tranquiliser darts to no avail, Otto crept up
position. Just a story to amuse children and confuse tourists. A behind a feeding dahu and did his best impression of a horny
feature of French and Swiss folklore since ancient times, the goat-call. The perplexed creature turned around, immediately
dahu is said to be a kind of mountain goat with long legs on one toppled over and rolled down the hill into the waiting arms of
side and short legs on the other. These asymmetric limbs allow Otto’s assistant, Guillaume Chèvre-D’Attrapeur.
the dahu to stand perfectly level on the steep mountain slopes Otto and Guillaume brought their captive dahu back to their lab
it inhabits. at Der Universität von Kindergeschichte in Märchenhaft. There,
Prior to 2018, no credible sightings of a dahu had been recorded they conducted an anatomical examination.5 Our budget does
since 1838 (coincidentally, the year before the invention of not extend to licencing Jägermeister’s photographs here, so
photography). Accounts from before this time are fragmentary we’ve commissioned an artist’s rendition of the captive dahu
and contradictory, which had led biologists to dismiss the dahu instead (Fig. 1).
as a fabrication.
Physiology
This paradigm was irrevocably altered in the winter of 2018 by Physiologically, the dahu is broadly similar to the alpine ibex
the well-known survivalist, TV personality and urophage Bear (Capra ibex) and the chamois (Rupicapra rupicapra). Its most
Grylls. The inveterate piss-drinker was recording an episode of striking feature is the length of its legs: the dahu has two
his show: “Man vs Wild: Ultra-Extreme Apocalyptic Super- elongated legs on one side of its body, and two truncated ones
Survival” in the Swiss alps when he spotted what appeared to on the other. Such crural asymmetry was previously unknown
be a mountain goat.1 He briefly remarked that such goats were to science, and existed only in the realm of myth. The sidehill
well adapted to maintaining their balance on steep alpine gougar (Membriinequalis declivitous) and the wild haggis
slopes, before dropping a boulder on its head, and weaving a (Ventriculus caledonii) are reputed to exhibit a similar
basket out of its intestines. This episode was
unremarkable in the context of Grylls’ work,
but an astute viewer of the program observed
that the poor eviscerated goat in question
clearly displayed asymmetric limb elongation
and truncation.
This was the first compelling evidence for the
existence of the mythical dahu in nearly two
centuries. Regrettably, little remained of the
original creature (Grylls consumed its flesh
and turned its skin into a “goat-tote”, a
precursor to his “sheeping bag”).2 Hordes of
intrepid explorers set out into the alpine
regions of France and Switzerland, hoping to
be the first to snare a specimen of this elusive
beast.3 Within weeks, there had been multiple
sightings, but no successful trappings. Later
studies have revealed the dahu to be an
exceptionally cunning and flighty creature, a
trait that rationalises its mythical reputation.4
It was Otto von Jägermeister who first
managed to snare a live Dahu. This intrepid
Bavarian naturalist heeded to the old folk tales

A. West Failian Institute of Visual Arts, Skroffelplatz

B. School of Zoology, Eastern Grunt University, Phlerg
C. Gregor Mendacity Institute of Genetics, University of
West Failure
D. School of Pyrofrolics and Inorganometallics, University of
West Failure Figure 1: An artist’s reproduction of Jägermeister’s captive dahu. Note the comparatively
* Corresponding Author contact: https://onlyfans.com/schlonkitup greater length of the left legs, relative to the right legs.

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asymmetry, but no specimens have been recorded to date.
These uneven legs allow the Dahu to maintain a level stance on
the steep mountain slopes it inhabits. Consequently, a dahu
may only traverse a slope in one direction. Dahu may gain or
lose altitude by spiralling up or down a mountain, but cannot
turn around without falling over. When a dahu attempts to walk
on a level surface, it walks in a circle of fixed radius, as
determined by the relative length of their legs. It has been
proposed that a dahu stranded in wheat field created the first
crop circle, while trying to find its way home. Otto von
Jägermeister asserts that a drunken dahu can walk in a straight
line, but he has never explained how he knows this.
The dahu population is split into two distinct subgroups: those
with longer left legs and those with longer right legs. Some have
termed these enantiomeric goats Capra levogyrus/dextrogyrus
or Dahu senestrus/desterus while others prefer Dahu
democratique and Dahu républicaine. The abbreviations L-Dahu
and D-Dahu are often used.6 When this distribution was
observed, some zoologists believed that these groups
constituted two distinct subspecies. Another theory suggested
that leg length was sexually dimorphic; with males having
longer left legs and females the reverse.7 Both theories were
debunked in 2021 when the dahu genome was sequenced.8 A
team led by legendary geneticist Cedric Franger proved that left
and right-handed dahu are in fact the same species. An
autosomal gene was identified as a controlling factor in leg
length. The wildtype allele “n” produces short legs, while two
codominant alleles “R” and “S” cause elongate legs on the right
and left side respectively (Fig. 2).
Genotype Phenotype Outcome
nn Four short legs Abandonment
Normal Dahu (two short,
nR or nS Viable
two long legs)
RS Four long legs Lethal
RR or SS Two enormous legs Mostly lethal
Figure 2: Genetic variety in C. stabilis, and the resultant phenotypes.
Wildtype homozygoats (nn) are viable embryos, but are
abandoned by their mothers shortly after birth. While a high
mortality rate is thus incurred, chamois have been observed to
adopt nn homozygoats on rare occasions.9 Heterozygoats (nR
and nS) are normal dahu. Individuals with an RS genotype have
four long, gangly legs. This gives RS individuals a high centre of
gravity and poor coordination, which typically causes these
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The Journal of Immaterial Science
individuals to fall down the mountainsides to their death.
Finally, homozygous mutants (RR or SS) have two short legs and
two enormous ones, which can be up to three times greater in
length. These dahu can only survive on cliff faces. Chimeric dahu
have been observed, with three long legs, or diagonally
opposed long legs. These individuals are also prone to falls, and
thus rarely survive long.10
As only Heterozygoats survive to reach sexual maturity, and
50% of their offspring are non-viable, dahu populations grow
only slowly. While it is genetically implied that left and right-
handed dahu are capable of interbreeding, the act of copulation
has not yet been observed.11 A number of theories exist to
explain how two dahu, which cannot face the same direction,
might conjugate. Most involve a degree of gymnastic contortion
on behalf of the male dahu. These theories are collected in
Marcel Millefeulle’s excellent book “The Capra Sutra: How
Goats Get It On.”12
C. stabilis possesses a unique horn architecture. Most members
of the genus Capra exhibit curved horns with single points.
Dahu, however, have highly variable and often intricate horns
with up to ten points. The purpose of this detailing is not
entirely clear, but it is presumed to be a result of sexual
selection (Fig. 3).13 Historical depictions of the dahu often omit
the horns, perhaps for reasons of artistic laziness. However, it
has been theorized that the dahu inspired the design of the
Modell 1890, a multitool later known as the “Swiss army knife”.
Figure 3: The horns of C. stabilis.
Another notable feature is the placement of the stomach, which
is adjacent to the lungs rather than beneath them. It is believed
that this attribute is responsible for the evolution of the dahu’s
uneven legs. Julius Child observed rapid mortality in Dahu kept
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in a flat paddock. Autopsies of the deceased individuals
revealed that when a dahu’s torso is inclined more than 10o,
gastric acid overflows into the lungs. This incursion converts
respiratory tissue into a form of pâté, which is delicious but
ineffectual at oxygen uptake.14 To avoid this fate, C. stabilis
evolved uneven legs.
The dahu has deeply striated hooves. Compared to those of ibex
and chamois, dahu hooves exhibit deep grooves and ridges,
which are believed to help them grip wet and icy surfaces (Fig.
4).
Figure 4: Footprint of an ibex (left) and a dahu (right).
Evolutionary Classification
When the dahu was first discovered, it was theorised to be a
chimeric hybrid of an ibex and a chamois. Again, Cedric
Franger’s genetic studies were definitive in the assignment of C.
stabilis’s lineage. Franger places the dahu and the ibex as
descendants of the archaic Capra vetus (Fig. 5).15 Also related
are the chamois (Rupicapra rupicapra) and the Bourgeois
(Rupicapra antoinette), which has been extinct since the French
revolution. The progenitor of all capra is Pan, the Greek god of
the wild and the original horny old goat (Capravetus lascivious).
Pan
Capravetus lascivious
Old Goat
Capra vetus
Apline Ibex Dahu Chamois Bougeois
Capra ibex Capra stabilis Rupicapra rupicapra Capra antoinette
Figure 5: Genetic lineage of selected capra species.
The genetic distance between Capra stabilis and Capra ibex may
be slight, as there are anecdotal reports of dahu-ibex hybrids.
No such hybrid has been officially documented, but
photographic evidence of ibex with asymmetric legs strongly
implies interbreeding of dahu and ibex populations.16 There is
fierce debate in academic circles concerning the name for such
a hybrid: a dibex or an ihu.
Diet and Behaviour
C. stabilis is omnivorous, subsisting primarily on wild onions and
alpine snails, but has been observed to consume agricultural
crops such as grapes and wheat when these are available.
Female dahu supply their young with a thick, creamy excretion
from their mammary glands. The texture of this milk has been
compared to cheese, and it is apparently delicious, though
difficult to obtain.
The social and reproductive lives of dahu remain largly
unknown, and significant research efforts are being made on
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Figure 6: Photograph of an alpine ibex with legs of asymmetric lengths,
potentially an ibex-dahu hybrid.
this topic. Studies of the dahu are complicated by its flighty
nature, and the inaccesibility of its natve environment.
Conclusion
The discovery of a new mammalian species is always an exciting
occasion, even more so when the species in question bears
radical differences from its nearest relatives. Zoologists
worldwide have been inspired by these events to renew the
hunt for other mythic species. Hopefully, these efforts will be
met with success, and more remarkable species will be reported
in the coming years. We have noted that several companies
have chosen to market their products under the name “dahu”,
including the makers of ski-boots and a light aircraft. There is an
implication in these names that one boot is taller than the other
and that the plane can only fly in circles, but we have been
unable to confirm these theories.
Notes and references
1 B. Grylls, 2018, MvW:UEASS, S1E2, 17:34.
2 B. Grylls, 2019, MvW, S3E3, somewhere in the middle.
3 “La chasse au dahu” C. Bergerac, 2019, Le Monde, 1/4/2019, 16.
4 “Dahu, The cunning old goat” R. Federer, 2020, J. Mam. Psych. 1,
123–456.
5 “The physiology of the dahu” G. Chevre-D’Attrapeur, O.
Jägermeister, 2020, J. Mam. Fizziology, 28(7), 4869–4877.
6 “Nomenclature of chiral goats” C. de Gaulle, 2021, Science, 7, 9.
7 “Sexual dimorphism in the dahu” K. Clovis, 2021, Nature, 8, 10.
8 “The genome of the dahu”, C. Franger, 2021, Genetics, 23, 18.
9 “Homozygoats?” D. Flattenborough, 2022, J. Anim. Sci. 6, 66–69.
10 “Two long legs good, three long legs bad: unstable chimera in C.
stabilis” G. Orwell, P. Snowball, 2023, Anim. Pharm. 19, 84.
11
12 “The Capra Sutra: How Goats Get It On” M. Millefeulle, 2022.
13 “Why are these goats so horny?” J.J. Rousseau, 2023, PNAS, 1, 4.
14 “Respiratory collapse in C. stabilis” J. Child, 2022, J. Anat. 8, 9–11.
15 “The lineage of the dahu”, C. Franger, 2023, Genetics, 1, 602–608.
16 “Dahu-ibex hybrids” D. Funk, J. Annecdot. Bio. 79, 19401–19404.
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