Q.

Explain in about 600 to 800 words how you would use the skill
of attending and silence in your counseling process?

Attending and silence are the most important skills that one needs to
possess as a counselor. I personally believe that these 2 skills need to
be used very extensively throughout the process and their various
aspects should be moderated subjectively.

Using the key aspects of counseling:

Eye Contact: I believe that whereas maintaining eye contact with a

client shows involvement and attention, it can also come across as
something intimidating and judgemental. Hence, I would be making
direct eye contact when the client needs to feel heard - for instance, if
a client is talking to me about how her boss yelled at her for no reason
and she is feeling very frustrated because of that. Here, maintaining
eye contact would be important and show concern. At the same time, I
would be withdrawing eye contact when the client needs space or is
feeling judged about sharing something. For instance, if a client is
guilty about abandoning their child, at that time giving them space to
open up and creating a safe environment for them to share is more
important. Breaking the eye contact here would give them the time
and space they’d need.

Body Language:
Body language can demonstrate interest, involvement and openness
in the client and the process of therapy. It is often used by us to
unknowingly give non-verbal cues and expressions.
Moderating my body language in terms of showing interest and
involvement -
Again taking the first example(Boss yelled at client) from the first
aspect(Eye Contact) - Here the client needs attention and
involvement. They need to be shown that the coun:selor is listening
and attending to them. Hence, leaning a little forward and keeping my
arms and legs uncrossed, would show interest and openness to what
they are saying.
Now taking example 2 (mother is guilty about abandoning the child) -
Here leaning forward can show that you are pushing the client to
speak and hurry up. Therefore, I would try to lean back and give the
client enough time and space to speak.

Gestures: Quiet similar to body language, gestures are non-verbal

cues that we give to our clients to communicate how we feel.
Moderating them can be a little tough because there can be several
other reasons as to why we are expressing them apart from the client.
For instance, I could support my face with my hand during a session
just because I am tired from the previous night’s workload, however it
could come across as me being tired of the client. Here, making a
conscious effort to give welcoming, comforting, and focused gestures
can be the key to establish a good relationship with the client. The
same instances quoted in the above 2 aspects can be used to explain
how while listening to someone, calm and open gestures such as
keeping your hands on your desk would help. And at the same time,
while explaining something to the client, a little bit of hand movements
could work better in showing involvement and come out as more
convincing.

Facial Expressions: Facial expressions are something that I find very

hard to control and moderate. However, with thorough practise to
communicate through facial expressions, I believe I can use them
appropriately to communicate different emotions to a client. Eg. If a
client is sharing their trauma with me, I would be smiling in a
welcoming way to show that I understand and support them. If they
are sharing something that they have overcome in their lives, widening
the same smile can come off as encouraging. Raising eyebrows and
frowning needs to be avoided while listening to the client to show lack
of judgement and repulsiveness. I believe that facial expressions need
to be used in congruence with the other aspects to look believable.
For instance, smiling while constantly shaking your legs can show
signs of worrying. Hence, associating facial expressions with other
aspects can make them extremely communicative and reassuring.

How you speak: I have always been someone who speaks very fast
and loses his train of thought. In the process of counseling, I will make
a conscious effort to moderate my pace and come across as
communicative rather than just a speaker. However, I believe that
speaking fast and in an excited way can be used in situations where
we need to motivate and encourage the client. For instance, if the
client has achieved a goal and they are sharing their accomplishments
with me, they might be expecting a more energetic reply than a calm
one.
The same way a client may need you to be calm and slow with your
speech while you are responding to their trauma. Hence, moderation
of tone can be used to my advantage by studying the situation
subjectively and deciphering what the client needs me to do.

Using Silence:

Silence needs to be used with a lot of caution as it can have different

meaning and has a thin line of comfort and discomfort it carries with
itself.
Sometimes silence is used deliberately to spark self exploration in the
client and encourage them to carry the conversation forward. For
instance, after asking an introspective question to the client, giving
them a few minutes of silence may be helpful. It can help them
articulate better and develop insight. However, if I as a psychologist
would feel that this silence, which was meant for introspection, can
lead to self-doubt and the client having intrusive thoughts, then I may
use my discretion to break the silence. I could also reassure the client
that it’s okay to not have an answer and ask another question and
then practise some silence.
For instance, if a client is going through a break up and I ask him a
confrontational question, it may be helpful to practise silence for some
time to help him articulate and introspect better. But, using my
discretion as a Psychologist, if I feel that the client is going into
self-doubt and might feel intimidated by the question, then breaking
the silence by a positive affirmation may be of help.
Also as a counselor using facial expressions and gestures while sitting
in silence can be very helpful to make the silence comfortable.
Gestures should not be distracting if the silence has been used for
collecting and organising the client’s thoughts.
Therefore, I believe that silence needs to be used in a cautious
manner depending upon the intent and purpose of its use.