Where is Dad?

Fathers Should Participate In Their Children’s Lives

With Father’s Day coming up, there is no better time to talk about the important role of fathers in
raising godly children. This will be the first in a series of articles posted in the next three weeks
discussing what God expects of fathers.
Many youth leave church (and God) as soon as they get out of the home. There is a fundamental
problem in how they are being raised, and the buck stops with Dad.

So as we start this series, the topic for today is that fathers must participate in the affairs of the
home. Many fathers may be physically present, but mentally absent.

Sadly, there are many examples of poor fathers in the Bible and very few examples of good ones.

David’s home life was a disaster. Of his sons (Amnon) raped his half-sister. David was furious,
but did nothing about it (2 Samuel 13:21). The created resentment in Absalom, who later rebelled
against his father, starting a deadly civil war. Even the succession to the throne was not smooth as
Adonijah tried to usurp it from Solomon.

And David never seems to correct his children at all.

1 Kings 1:6 – His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?

Eli is another bad example. His sons were terrible priests. They stole from people who came to
make sacrifices and committed adultery with the women serving in the temple. Eli seems
saddened by this, but he did little to stop it. (1 Samuel 2.)

Isaac appears to be an absentee father, turning over much of the management of the house to
Rebekah. It leads to deceit and hatred with Esau intending to murder Jacob, but still Isaac does
little.
All of these fathers had a big problem. They did not participate in the affairs of their households
as they should have.

Did these problems start when their children were grown? Nope. Children will generally stay on
the path they were set on when they were growing up.

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not
depart from it.

They did not actively participate in training up their children as they should have. Isaac allowed
Rebekah to handle things. David likely delegated this to tutors or nannies.

In many families, fathers pass the responsibilities for the kids off to others. They pass them off to
the mom, to school teachers, to Sunday School teachers, and to youth pastors. It is not the job of
the Sunday School teacher to teach your kid the Bible. They can help, but fathers, it is your job.
You must take an active roll in every aspect of your children’s lives, from school and homework,
to their character and spiritual growth.

As the following graph shows, having almost any type of father in the home is better than not
having one at all.
At the same time, being at home does not mean that fathers are involved or participate. Let’s face
it. We are probably all guilty of ignoring our children and families at times.
Where is Dad? He is on his phone.

Where is Dad? He is on the computer.

Where is Dad? He is watching TV.

We need to be physically and mentally engaged with our kids.

Some fathers are very busy at work. They tell themselves that “I am doing this for my family.”
But most don’t actually ask their families if they want them to be that busy. Dads, ask your
children if they would prefer to have nicer stuff (meaning you work more OT), or if they would
rather spending more time with you?

Gifts and promises do not make up for missed birthdays or missed events.

Here are a few ways that you can participate in your children’s lives:

When they are little, read them a Bible story each night.
Talk to them about how they are feeling or what they are struggling with.
Participate in their hobbies. You can do this by showing interest, asking questions, and doing
them together.
Participate in your children’s school. Help them with homework and be patient to explain
things they don’t understand.
Participate in your children’s discipline. Don’t just “send them to mom.”
Participate in the chores of the house. This will set a good example for your children to see
what a loving father should be like.
Support what your wives are doing and the difficulties they are facing. Give a friendly ear,
helpful suggestions, and physical presence.

Time flies by so fast. My wife and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. And our oldest
son is nearly 11. It seems like just yesterday he was a toddler. But now he is around halfway or
more to being out and on his own. The days flash by one by one and opportunities to be together
sometimes slip by. I am sure that when my kids start to leave I will never regret and say, “I wish I
spent more time working,” but I may regret not spending enough time with them.

Use the Facebook sharing bar on the right to share this. Moms, forward this to your husband!
And Dads, time to get off the computer and go spend some time with your kids :)

Be sure to come back soon for the next article in the “Where is Dad?” series. It will focus on the
fact that father’s should prepare their children for eternity.

FRENCH
 I. PREPARE YOUR CHILDREEN FOR ETERNITY
Where is Dad? Fathers Should Prepare Their Children for Eternity.
Prepare Your Children for the World…. and Eternity

The family is under attack. Around the world cultural forces seek to undermine God’s plan for
the family. Sadly, its working.

Nearly 75% of youth in Christian families leave the church after high school.

It is no wonder that this is the case. College professors are five times more likely to identify as
atheists than the general public.

The battle for youth is an old one. In the book of Daniel, Nebuchadnezzar takes the youth from
Jerusalem after conquering it. He doesn’t kill them or imprison them. Instead he enrolls them into
Babylon University, a three year brainwashing program. Daniel and his three friends were among
those taken. Their names were changed from representing belief in God to affiliation with pagan
gods. They were taught a new language, new culture, and new religion. And they were given
different food. The goal was a complete re-education of everything they knew and believed. The
king’s goal was to have loyal puppets, Jews on the outside, but Babylonian on the inside.

The same battle goes on today. Secular institutions bombard our youth with atheism, evolution,
materialism, and relativism. It is a modern day brainwashing.

In 2018 the UN issued a publication titled “International Technical Guidance on Sexuality

Education”. Its aim is to “ensure all children in schools worldwide” are taught about sexual
education with a focus on gender identity and diverse sexual orientations.

It’s happening all over the world.

In September 2020 the UK will make “Relationships Education” mandatory in all primary
schools and “Relationships and Sex Education” will become mandatory in all secondary schools.
One of the clearly stated aims of this sexual education is to promote the acceptance of LGBT
lifestyles and identities, even in children as young as 4. 4 year old story time included same sex
parenting books like “King and King,” “Mommy, Mamma, and Me.” Other children were
required to draw LGBT slogans and logos in art class.

Your children will face this onslaught of attacks against Biblical values their whole lives. Your
children are already facing it.

Fathers, you need to prepare your children to face a darker world. But more than this, you need to
prepare your children to face eternity.

The average student will spend roughly 21,600 hours in school over the course of their life. And
one study shows that children between 8-12 spend 6 hours a day on electronics. The point is this.
Your children are continuously exposed to these things. How much time do you spend preparing
them for eternity?

It is normal to prepare your children for important things in their life such as:

Driving test
Exams
Piano recital
Sporting competitions

How much more time should you spend preparing your children for eternity. These things are
temporary. One day your children will stand before God. God will be sitting as judge upon His
throne. And He will either say “Depart from me” or “Well done, good and faithful servant.” This
is the exam that matters. These are the words that matter.

By all means, teach your children practical life skills. Yes, educate them academically. Prepare
them to get a job one day. But far more importantly, prepare them to face God. And prepare them
to face this world and the shifting sands of secular culture.
My wife and I prayed before we had each of our children (4). We prayed that God would not give
us any children who would not one day believe in Jesus and go to heaven. The worst thing
imaginable as a parent would be to see one’s child sentenced to an eternity in hell. Every other
fate pales in comparison to this. Every other failure is nothing compared to this.

Why do we spend so much money and time teaching our children academics, karate, soccer, and
piano and so little time teaching them about God? If they haven’t been prepared at home, then
how can they possibly hope to withstand the attacks out there in the world which are coming so
much harder and faster than before?

So what should you do?

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 has the answer:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you
today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of
them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and
when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between
your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

I will briefly pull out a few points from these verses.

1. Teach your own children.

Parents, this is your job. It is not the primary job of the Sunday School teacher, the pastor, the
tutor, or the public school teacher. You have to take this responsibility. Teach them the truth from
God’s Word. Sit down with them and have family devotions. Read the Bible and talk about it.
2. Teach your children diligently.

I watch nature documentaries with my children. In almost every single one it mentions evolution
and that the world is billions of years old. The world is diligently teaching our children its
ideology. As parents how can we do less?

This requires a lot of time. But our children’s souls are at stake. The time is worth it.
3. Teach your children in your house.

It says whether you lie down or get up. The concept is really simple. Call your family together.
Open the Bible. Read it together. Then talk about it. Pray together. Sing together. And do it
consistently day after day after day. Some people call it family worship. Others call it family
devotions. Or Bible time. The title is not important, but as parents you need to be doing this with
your children regularly.
4. Teach your children in real life settings.

The last part of verse 7 says you shall talk of them “when you walk by the way and when you lie
down and when you rise up.” Quite simply this means that you you should talk with your kids
about the things of God all the time and everywhere. Talking about the Lord, His creation, His
Word, and His character should be a lifestyle.

But teaching them in everyday life in real life situations is what is really life transforming. This is
where they make the connections between knowledge and practical application. This where they
learn how to live out their faith.

Matthew 19:14 – Permit the children to come to me.

Jesus invited the children to go to Him. The world does not want them to. Your job is to prepare
them to.

Fathers Day is coming up. For me, it is a reminder of my role as a dad to prepare my children to
be ready to face God one day.

Fathers, there is no greater responsibility then watching over your children’s souls. But the
tremendous blessing of seeing your children walk with the Lord is worth all of the sacrifices. This
Fathers Day, commit yourself to redouble your efforts in training up your children to know God.

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not
depart from it.
FRENCH
 II. PLAY WITH YOUR CHILDREN
Where is Dad? Fathers Play With Your Kids

Fathers, you are the authority over your children. You should teach them the importance of
obedience (Ephesians 6:1). But fathers wear many hats. Wearing the hat of authority is only one
role. In John 15:15 Jesus called the disciples “friends.” Dads should be friends with their children
by playing with them.

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training
and instruction of the Lord.

One way to exasperate your children is to always lecture them, but neglect to play with them.
Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). Gifts should be enjoyed.

Besides the simple pleasures of enjoying your children, there are many other reasons to play with
your kids:

They will be more responsive to your instruction if you have a relationship with them.
Your kids will open up and talk to you about their issues and emotions if you are friends.
Shepherding their hearts requires a relationship.
You will enjoy your children more if you play with them.
Playing is an important way to learn:
“Combinatory play seems to be an essential feature in productive thought.” – Albert Einstein
“Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning.” – Mr. Rogers

Real life play is the place where kids can apply all the things they are learning, whether it is the
Biblical instruction to love your neighbor as yourself, physical coordination and strength, or the
academic side of things such as practicing math skills or logic.

I have made a point to often play with my kids. We play catch. We play football. We play frisbee.
I have tea parties with my girls. We pretend to cook meals in their play kitchen. Board games are
our favorite. And I can tell you, that play and games never cease to provide teachable moments.
Through guided play, kids can learn to “win without boasting and lose without excuse.” Life will
not always be success after success. Games show kids that failures happen to and those are OK if
we respond to them the right way. Sports and games can provide a healthy place for learning to
compete and cooperate with others. Mistakes and failures will happen. Fathers, you can use those
to teach your children the value of perseverance, practice, and hard work to improve.

My eight-year-old son gets discouraged easily when faced with new challenges. “Its impossible”
or “I can never learn that” are common refrains. Learning how to bounce on a POGO stick
seemed very difficult to him. At the beginning, he was discouraged and thought he would never
get it. After a month or of guided practice, he was able to bounce one thousand times in a row. He
learned to persevere.

Every kid is different. I love deep strategy board games, but not all of my kids do. My oldest son
will devour rule books in his free time, but the next one prefers imagination games. The role of
the dad is to meet your kids where they are, spending quality time playing with them what they
enjoy and not what you want them to enjoy.

Laughter will make your home a happy place that your kids will want to be.

Proverbs 17:22 – A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed up spirit dries up.

In many cases youth in Christian families who can’t get away from home fast enough when they
are old enough to do so. In some of these cases the parents were strict. The dads trained and
disciplined their children, which they should. But there was a lack of love, a lack of fun, a lack of
joy. The authority side was emphasized, but was not balanced with good hearted friendship and
fun.

If parents would strive to make the home a joyful place by spending time to play with their kids,
then maybe they would find that their children would love to return there even after growing up.
Maybe they would find their children more open and teachable. Maybe they would find that their
children value their friendship.

Charles Dickens – There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good
humor.
There are many ways of course to play with your kids. The key is to make it fun.

Take for example story time. A lot of stories are boring. “The cat ran fast. The dog chased the
cat.” Little children have short attention spans. You can make story time exciting. Try different
sound effects for the animals. Act out parts of the story. Be dramatic. Use different facial
expressions and tones. Make up a story based on the pictures. Ask questions and make it
interactive. The point is to think outside of the box when you play. Try to get your kids to laugh.

Another great way to play with your kids is to plan family vacations. These can be a time of
building memories and bonding.

Playing with your kids should become a part of the fabric of your home. Time away from the
computer, phone, and electronics for both parents and kids will be beneficial for all. And it starts
with Dad. Few fathers will reach the end of their life and say, “I wish I spent more time at the
office.” Many will say, “I wish I spent more time playing with my kids.”

Dads, this Father’s Day ask your kids what they want to do and spend time enjoying simple fun
with them.

Sometimes it is hard to think of new ideas. The Adventure Bible Book of Daring Deeds and Epic
Creations is full of fabulous fun. From easy, do-it-yourself crafts to exciting outdoor activities,
this book will help you and your kids find adventure indoors and out. It is also a perfect
companion to the NIV Adventure Bible for kids. (These are partner affiliate links. Read our
disclosure policy.)