INGF 221 Assignment 3

Original version:

Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources. Renewable energy is generated
from renewable resources with lower emissions. A climate crisis is being experienced
globally. Burning fossil fuels causes high emissions and is not sustainable. Renewable
energy is naturally replenished. The solution to address the climate crisis is renewable
energy. There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy. The kinetic energy of
air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines. The energy from the natural flow
of water can also be harnessed. Hydropower uses the energy of water.

Rubric (Yes(Y) or No(N)):

Sentences can be Y Only one idea per

Topic sentence first
N arranged by levels sentence N
Repeated terms in N Used the dominant N Maintained Y
old/new sequence position (list links) where membership
(stress/topic) necessary relationship
Provided transitions N
Revision 1:

Correcting the topic sentence first

3 Climate change crisis is being experienced globally.

1 Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources.

2 Renewable energy is generated from renewable resources with lower emissions.

4 Burning fossil fuels causes high emissions and is not sustainable.

5 Renewable energy is naturally replenished.

6The solution to address the climate crisis is renewable energy.

7 There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy.

8 The kinetic energy of air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines.

9 The energy from the natural flow of water can also be harnessed.

10 Hydropower uses the energy of water.

Revision 2:

Correcting one idea per sentence

Climate change crisis is being experienced globally.

Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources.

Renewable energy is generated from renewable resources with lower emissions.

Burning fossil fuels causes high emissions

High emissions of fossil fuels that are burnt cannot be sustained.

Renewable energy is naturally replenished.

The solution to address the climate crisis is renewable energy.

There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy.

The kinetic energy of air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines.

The energy from the natural flow of water can also be harnessed.

Hydropower uses the energy of water.

Revision 3:

Correcting repeated terms in old/ new sequence(stress/topic)

Climate change crisis is being experienced globally.

Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources.

Renewable energy is generated from renewable resources with lower emissions.

Burning fossil fuels causes high emissions

High emissions of fossil fuels that are burnt cannot be sustained.

Renewable energy is naturally replenished.

The solution to address the climate crisis is renewable energy.

There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy.

The kinetic energy of air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines.

The energy from the natural flow of water can also be harnessed.

Hydropower uses the energy of water.

Revision 4:

Correcting arranging by level

1 Climate change crisis is being experienced globally.

2 Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources.

3 The solution to address the climate crisis is renewable energy.

3 Renewable energy is naturally replenished.

3 There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy.

2 Renewable energy is generated from renewable resources with lower emissions.

3 Burning fossil fuels causes high emissions

3 High emissions of fossil fuels that are burnt cannot be sustained.

4The kinetic energy of air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines.

4 The energy from the natural flow of water can also be harnessed.

4 Hydropower uses the energy of water.

Revision 5:

Correcting transition

Climate change crisis is being experienced globally.

In addition to this, Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources.

Renewable energy is generated from renewable resources with lower emissions.

Alternatively burning fossil fuels causes high emissions.

And high emissions of fossil fuels that are burnt cannot be sustained.

Renewable energy is naturally replenished

Therefore, the solution to address the climate crisis is renewable energy.

There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy.

The kinetic energy of air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines.

Firstly, the energy from the natural flow of water can also be harnessed.

Secondly, hydropower uses the energy of water.

Original version

Water, wind, sunlight and geothermal heat are sources. Renewable energy is generated
from renewable resources with lower emissions. A climate crisis is being experienced
globally. Burning fossil fuels causes high emissions and is not sustainable. Renewable
energy is naturally replenished. The solution to address the climate crisis is renewable
energy. There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy. The kinetic energy of
air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines. The energy from the natural flow
of water can also be harnessed. Hydropower uses the energy of water.

Final version

Climate change crisis is being experienced globally. In addition to this, Water, wind, sunlight
and geothermal heat are sources. Renewable energy is generated from renewable
resources with lower emissions. Alternatively burning fossil fuels causes high emissions.
And high emissions of fossil fuels that are burnt cannot be sustained. Renewable energy is
naturally replenished. Therefore, the solution to address the climate crisis is renewable
energy. There is no more abundant energy source than solar energy. The kinetic energy of
air flow is utilised by wind energy using large wind turbines. Firstly, the energy from the
natural flow of water can also be harnessed. Secondly, hydropower uses the energy of
water.