Overcoming Fear of Failure Process Guide

What is it you are afraid of failing to do? Usually, when we fear something, we avoid it. That
stops now. To overcome your fear, you must face it. Consider the process below to help guide
you.

Face the monster

Let’s use the example of giving presentations. You are afraid of public speaking in any form.
How does this fear hurt you? Does it cause anxiety? Does it make you lose sleep? Does it make
you lose confidence and question yourself in general? What else?

Why is this true? Partially it is the objective truth that you don’t like presenting or may not yet
be highly skilled. It’s also meaningfully explained by monsters you’ve created in your mind. You
fear looking silly or stupid. You fear others judging you. You fear making mistakes. You fear
repercussions if you present poorly. And so on.

We all face fears like these. We all feel the associated outcomes, whether that’s anxiety or self-
doubt. All of us. You are normal. The only real difference is how we choose to deal with them.
You can learn to keep them firmly in check. With the right mental preparation, they will never
again be monsters that stop you, only tiny annoyances that you can deftly handle.

Redefining failure in your mind

Right now, the object of your fear is a thing to be avoided. You ignore it and shove it into the
dark in the back of your mind. You now have to make the choice to bring that object into the
light so you can examine it closely.

You’re not just going to objectively look at it. You’re going to actively shape how you feel about
it and think about it. Imagine it being small, like tiny ball in your hand. Choose to be intrigued
by it. Embrace it as a thing you can clearly control. You maintain respect for it because you
remember the power it once had, but now you’re curious and want to use it to drive your growth.

It might take time to embrace this approach. Great. Try it. Try it again and again. You’ll get
there. Along your way, never forget two things. First, as noted above, you’re not alone. Every
human has fears and apprehensions. Second, every “successful” person not only has fears, but
has experienced failure – a lot! They fail at the same rate as anyone else. They’re just better
learners. More willing and able to embrace the process described here.

Stretch yourself by trying new things

So far, we’ve been focused on your mentality. Now we add in behavioral reinforcement. First,
in general, do new things. New endeavors might make you a little uncomfortable. Try a new
food, new hobby, a new type of movie to watch, etc. Change things up and begin to gain a little
comfort with being uncomfortable.

TODD DEWETT, Ph. D.

drdewett.com
Back to our example – presenting. You’re going to try some new things here too. Start by
watching videos of others presenting. There are many free tutorials online, not to mention plenty
of online courses created by me and others that will help you analyze the presentations you’re
going to start watching.

Now start presenting to an empty room. Prepare as you normally would. Present like there are
hundreds of people in the audience. Stay with it. Complete the whole presentation. Repeat.
Then use your phone to capture video of you speaking. Use what you’ve learned so far to break
down what you see when you watch yourself speaking.

Get committed

At some point, practice must end. Commit to a specific date and time that you will face your fear
for real and show yourself how far you’ve come. To get committed, realize the work you’ve put
in, put it on a calendar, and share it with one or more people who can help hold you accountable.

Remember it’s a process

The day you marked on your calendar will come and go. You will not allow it to be a monster.
It’s just one data point in a longer process. Your march towards success will encompass many
such data points. Experience it. Learn something from it (actually articulate what is to be
learned, reflect, journal, etc.). Stay engaged with the task. Watch yourself grow.

Following a rational process like this, one step at a time, you will face your fears and you will beat
them. Good luck!

TODD DEWETT, Ph. D.

drdewett.com