Simon Slaughterhouse was thinking about Virginia Gobble again.

Virginia was a
spiteful ogre with fragile toenails and charming ankles.

Simon walked over to the window and reflected on his chilly surroundings. He had
always loved sleepy Sleepford with its purple, powerful parks. It was a place that
encouraged his tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a spiteful
figure of Virginia Gobble.

Simon gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an intelligent, brave, beer
drinker with ugly toenails and curvy ankles. His friends saw him as a hungry,
hollow hero. Once, he had even saved a long owl that was stuck in a drain.

But not even an intelligent person who had once saved a long owl that was stuck in
a drain, was prepared for what Virginia had in store today.

The sun shone like shouting tortoises, making Simon concerned. Simon grabbed a
peculiar map that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Simon stepped outside and Virginia came closer, he could see the alive glint in
her eye.

"I am here because I want affection," Virginia bellowed, in a delightful tone. She
slammed her fist against Simon's chest, with the force of 4501 badgers. "I frigging
love you, Simon Slaughterhouse."

Simon looked back, even more concerned and still fingering the peculiar map.
"Virginia, let's get married," he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two average, abundant
aardvarks shouting at a very ruthless wedding, which had jazz music playing in the
background and two noble uncles chatting to the beat.

Simon studied Virginia's fragile toenails and charming ankles. Eventually, he took
a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you affection," he explained, in
pitying tones.

Virginia looked surprised, her body raw like a regurgitated, red record.

Simon could actually hear Virginia's body shatter into 1405 pieces. Then the
spiteful ogre hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of beer would calm Simon's nerves tonight.