Assessment of extended essay

Criteria Mark awarded Commentary

4 The candidate does identify and try to explain the

A: Focus and method
Research question; however, as a category 2b essay
(presumably women's football as a cultural icon or
[6] artifact), the focus of the essay seems somewhat
clear in a descriptive historical sense, but is only
partially appropriate because it does not focus on
illustrating the changes in perception clearly (eg
through changes in language or other clear
measures). It would be useful to decide precisely
what kind of evidence should be used to illustrate the
change.

4 There is a general knowledge of the topic evident,

B: Knowledge and
especially historically. Sources are adequate, though
understanding
not always used to full advantage, eg the statistics on
spectator attraction and the gender-biased language.
[6] The descriptive emphasis is only partly appropriate
and limits evidence of understanding. The language
and use of terminology are adequate.

6 The structure of the argument is vague, but there is

C: Critical thinking
potential. There is an attempt to present early
attitudes toward the sport, but too much attention is
[12] given to historical developments that do not clearly
show changing attitudes. The brief references to
language in the media and later increased
spectatorship show some thought, but are never
exploited to contribute significantly to the argument.
Thus, only some of the research and analysis is
directly relevant and some key points are only
partially supported or developed. The conclusion is
mostly consistent, but remains somewhat superficial.
It is an interesting idea, but not quite sharp enough in
the presentation of the argument to earn higher
marks.

3 The presentation contains all the required layout

D: Presentation
elements of an essay (title, TOC, introduction,
conclusion, bibliography, etc) and the structure
shows evidence of some planning. The references are
 generally appropriate. There are, however, some
[4]
inconsistencies in the presentation of information
and appropriate explanation as seen, for example, in
the spectator graph.

The assessment of an accompanying RPPF will

E: Engagement
affect the overall mark awarded and the grade
achieved.
[6]

(not included)

Total marks awarded 17/28 This is an interesting topic that is appropriate for
Language B, though it does lack focus on the
concrete evidence illustrating how attitudes have
changed over time. The historical approach is limited
and focuses more on the early struggles. The
“turning point” is not made very clear and more
modern developments are left by the wayside. The
number of spectators alone is not sufficient to show a
change in perception. The lack of measurable
evidence weakens the argument overall, resulting in
a satisfactory but not insightful attempt to present the
material.

Please note: as a result of modifying existing

extended essays for illustrative purposes, not all
exemplars have an accompanying RPPF for
assessment under criterion E (this is a mandatory
element for all essays as of 2018). As a result, this
essay has been marked out of 28 rather than 34.