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17/1/24, 16:04 AI-Powered Screenplay Analysis | ScriptReader.
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Heathers
Genres: Drama, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Teen Drama
Summary
In this screenplay, the story follows Veronica Sawyer and
her interactions with the popular clique, the Heathers.
The scenes depict various conflicts and tensions that
arise throughout the story, including Veronica's resistance
to conforming to the Heathers' ways, her involvement in
manipulative actions, and her changing dynamic with J.D.,
a troubled and manipulative character. The emotional
tone of the screenplay varies from sardonic and detached
to dark and violent, with moments of dark comedy and
suspense. The significant visual elements include croquet
games, the use of props like the hanging doll and the gun,
and the portrayal of the school environment. The story
ultimately revolves around Veronica's journey of self-
discovery and her challenge to navigate the toxic social
dynamics of high school.
Scene by Scene Summaries
Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique
The plot/story of the screenplay has some strong
elements, such as the exploration of teenage angst and
the dark humor. The conflicts and emotional tones are
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17/1/24, 16:04 AI-Powered Screenplay Analysis | ScriptReader.ai
well-established, creating a tense and engaging narrative.

The use of visual elements, such as the croquet game
and the hanging doll, adds depth to the storytelling.
However, there are some areas that could be improved.
The character arcs could be more fully developed,
particularly for Veronica and J.D. Their motivations and
actions sometimes feel inconsistent or unclear.
Additionally, some scenes lack significant visual elements
or actions, which could make them feel stagnant or less
engaging. Overall, the plot/story has potential but could
benefit from further refinement and clarity.
 Suggestions: To improve the plot/story, consider

further developing the character arcs of Veronica
and J.D. This could involve exploring their
backgrounds, motivations, and internal conflicts in
more depth. Additionally, focus on creating more
visually dynamic scenes by incorporating
significant visual elements or actions. This could
help to enhance the overall cinematic experience
and keep the audience engaged. Finally, ensure that
the conflicts and emotional tones are consistently
maintained throughout the screenplay, as this will
help to create a cohesive and impactful narrative.
Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths Scene
Sharp and witty
dialogue
Weaknesses
Effective blend of Limited emotional
dark humor and impact
drama Limited character
Strong character changes
development Relatively low stakes
Compelling plot Lack of depth in
twists exploring the theme
Engaging character Some elements may

interactions be disturbing for
sensitive viewers
Suggestions
 Consider creating higher stakes and stronger

emotional impact to increase audience
engagement
Further explore the theme and characters to
increase depth and complexity
Refine some dialogue to better fit with the tone
and themes of the screenplay
Consider the potential impact on sensitive
viewers and adjust as necessary
Continue to develop craft in building tension,
pacing, and character arcs
How scenes compare to the Scripts in

our Library
Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title Grade Percentile Before After
Breaking
Dialogue 8.9 99 bad, Community:
episode 9.7
306: 8.7
Silence of Black mirror
Characters 8.9 98 the lambs: 304: 8.9
8.8
Story Schindler's Black
Forward 8.3 78 List: 8.2 panther: 8.3
Character 6.6 74 Inglorious Birdman or
Changes Basterds: (The
6.5 Unexpected
Virtue of
Title Grade Percentile Before After

Ignorance):
6.7
Killers of the
Overall 8.4 67 flower Avatar: 8.4
moon: 8.3
Plot 8.1 55 Schindler's Vice: 8.1
List: 8.0
The
Conflict 7.6 51 Shawshank
Level Redemption: Get Out: 7.6
7.5
Birdman or
(The
High 7.1 41 Mo: 7.0 Unexpected
Stakes Virtue of
Ignorance):
7.1
Emotional glass Onion
Catch me if Knives
Impact 7.0 29 you can: 6.9 Out :
7.0
Concept 7.4 16 Mind legally
Hunter: 7.3 blonde: 7.4
Read script alongside scene Analyses See all Scenes
Scene by Scene critiques
See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Story Content Character Development Scene Elements
Audience Engagement Technical Aspects
Character
Story Content Scen
Development
Click for Full Tone Overall Concept Plot Characters Character Conflict
Analysis Grade Changes
1 - Veronica's Elegiac,
Morning Sullen, 8 7 7 8 5 7
Improve Angry,
Amusing
2 - The Sarcastic,
Lunchroom Humorous, 8 7 8 9 6 8
Prank Cynical
Improve
3 - The Sarcastic,
Lunchroom Cynical, 8 7 8 9 6 8
Prank Dark
Improve
4 - The
Lunchroom Whimsical,
Satirical, 8 7 8 9 4 7
Prank Sarcastic
Improve
5 - Croquet Serene,
Grim,
Game and Hesitant,
Lunchroom Amused, 8 7 8 9 6 7
Prank Incredulous,
Improve Delighted
6 - 7-11 Run Reluctance,
Humor, 8 7 7 9 7 5
Improve Casual
7-
Veronica's Sarcastic,
Rebellion Satirical,
Dark
8 7 8 9 7 8
Improve
8 - Late
Night
Croquet and Humorous,
Confessions Reflective,
Sarcastic
8 7 8 9 7 7
Improve
9 - Toxic Dark,
Concoction Sarcastic, 8 7 7 8 6 7
Improve Cynical
10 - The Dark, 9 8 9 9 8 9
Hangover Satirical,
Character
Story Content Scen
Development
Cure Humorous
Improve
11 - The Satirical,
Suicide Note Dark, 8 7 7 8 6 6
Improve Humorous
12 - The Humorous,
Funeral Sarcastic, 8 7 7 9 6 6
Improve Melancholic
13 - Funeral Dark,
and Cynical, 9 8 8 9 7 7
Reflections Satirical
Improve
14 - Cow
Tipping and Dark,
Funeral Cynical, 8 7 7 9 4 6
Preparations Humorous
Improve
15 - Dark,
Preparing for Cynical, 8 8 7 9 5 7
the Funeral Humorous
Improve
16 - The Dark,
Improve Humorous
17 - Funeral Dark,
and Faked Cynical, 8 7 8 9 7 8
Deaths Humorous
Improve
18 - The Dark,
Improve Sarcastic
19 - Chaos Dark,
and Cynicism Cynical,
Angry, 9 8 9 9 8 8
Improve Playful
Character
Story Content Scen
Development
20 -
Blackmail Dark,
and Cynical, 9 8 9 9 7 8
Reflection Humorous
Improve
21 - Croquet Dark,
and Cynicism Cynical, 8 7 7 9 6 8
Improve Sarcastic
22 - Cynical Cynical,
Reflections Humorous 9 8 9 9 7 7
Improve
23 - Veronica
and J.D.
Discuss Dark,
Chaos and Cynical, 9 8 9 9 8 9
Faking Sarcastic
Deaths
Improve
24 - Veronica Dark,
Confronts Cynical, 9 8 9 9 8 9
Heather Duke Sarcastic
Improve
25 -
Confrontation Frustration,
and
Revelation Cynicism,
Defiance
9 8 9 9 8 9
Improve
26 - The Dark,
Bomb Plot Cynical, 9 8 9 9 8 9
Improve Tense
27 - The Final Dark,
Showdown Cynical, 9 8 9 9 9 10
Improve Tense
28 - The New Tense,
Sheriff Disturbing, 9 8 9 9 9 9
Improve Empowering
Scene 1 - Veronica's Morning

HEATHERS Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]
by
Daniel Waters Summary
FADE IN: The scene opens with a serene croquet
game in Sawyer's backyard, but quickly
1 EXT. SAWYER'S BACKYARD -- DAWN 1 turns grim as Veronica is targeted by
multiple red balls. The scene then
Elegiac music murmurs as three female and transitions to Veronica's bedroom where
barefoot PAIRS OF she reflects on her friend Heather's
LEGS in skirts break from tableau to gently teachings about 'Real Life.' Veronica is
engage in Croquet. interrupted by Heather McNamara and
A blue mallet hits a blue ball through a wicket, Heather Duke, who inform her that
a green someone wants to talk to her. Veronica
mallet knocks a green ball, and a yellow reluctantly agrees and heads towards the
mallet pushes forward cafeteria.
a yellow ball, all in enticing syncopation.
Strengths Weaknesses
Suddenly a red ball rockets through the dew Sharp and Limited
covered grass and witty dialogue emotional
hits the green ball. The LEGS all stop moving Symbolic use impact
as a FOURTH PAIR of croquet Minimal
OF LEGS, this one in stylish shoes and game character
stockings, marches to Establishes changes
the red ball and steps on it. A red mallet is character
brought down dynamics
hard on the red ball causing the adjacent
green ball to
thunder out of view. The Pair of Legs Ratings
manuevering the green
ball departs. This process of elimination is
grimly Overall
repeated with the yellow ball and yet again Overall: 8
with the blue
ball. The scene effectively sets up the tone
However, when the BLUE MALLETED PLAYER and introduces the main character,
makes her sad exit, Veronica. The use of croquet as a

the viewer's viewpoint glides along with this metaphor adds depth to the scene.
particular Pair The dialogue is sharp and engaging.
of Legs. A red ball whizzes by. The Legs stop. However, the scene could benefit from
Another red stronger emotional impact and more
ball malevolently sails past the Legs. Then yet significant character changes.
another red
ball. A fourth red ball makes brutal contact
with the Legs
causing the Player to fall to her knees and into Story Content
the frame. The Concept: 7
Player is VERONICA SAWYER.
2 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- DAY 2 The concept of using a croquet game
to represent elimination and
VERONICA SAWYER, a sullen seventeen year foreshadow conflict is intriguing. It
old beauty, lies atop adds a layer of symbolism to the scene
her bed dressed in a chic but understated and sets up the themes of competition
ensemble, her eyes and power dynamics.
glazed open in a morning reverie. She blows Plot: 7
up at her bangs
then slides off her bed, launching into voice- The plot of the scene revolves around
over narration Veronica being targeted and
over the empty bed. interrupted by her friends. It effectively
establishes the conflict and sets up
VERONICA (V.O.) the next sequence of events.
Heather told me she teaches people
Real Life. Originality: 0
3 INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY -- DAY 3
Continuing her narration, VERONICA glides
through a bustling Character Development
high school hallway with a frozen smile. Characters: 8
VERONICA (V.O.) Veronica is introduced as a sullen and
She said Real Life sucks Losers dry. sarcastic character, which immediately
If you want to fuck with the eagles, creates intrigue. Heather McNamara
you have to learn to fly. and Heather Duke are also introduced,
each with their distinct personalities
4 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CAFETERIA -- DAY and speaking styles. The characters
4 are engaging and leave room for
development.
With her back turned to the viewer, Character Changes: 5

VERONICA stands at the
outskirts of the cafeteria entrance. The There is minimal character change in
viewer's viewpoint the scene. Veronica remains sullen and
approaches and finally curls around sarcastic throughout, while Heather
VERONICA to reveal that McNamara and Heather Duke maintain
she is writing in a diary, wearing a monocle. their personalities. This could be
VERONICA (V.O.) improved to create more dynamic
I said so you teach people how to character arcs.
spread their wings and fly. She
said Yes. Internal Goal: 0
THE DIARY PAGE External Goal: 0
VERONICA'S pen sways across the diary page
forming the words
echoed by her voice-over.
VERONICA (V.O.)
Scene Elements
I said You're Beautiful. Conflict Level: 7
A sudden off-screen bark from HEATHER The conflict in the scene is relatively
MCNAMARA causes the pen low, with Veronica being interrupted
to recklessly rocket across the written words. and targeted by her friends. It sets up
the potential for further conflicts and
HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.) tensions.
God, come ON Veronica! Opposition: 0
VERONICA coolly pops the monocle from her
eye before angrily High Stakes: 6
addressing the amusingly robust,
conventionally beautiful, The stakes in the scene are relatively
trendily coiffed HEATHER MCNAMARA. low, with Veronica being interrupted
and asked to go to the cafeteria.
VERONICA However, it hints at potential higher
What's your damage, Heather? You stakes and conflicts to come.
ruined my...
Story Forward: 8
HEATHER MCNAMARA
God, I'm so sure. Don't blame me, The scene effectively moves the story
blame Heather. She told me to haul forward by introducing conflicts and
your ass into the caf pronto. Back setting up the next sequence of
me up, Heather. events. It establishes Veronica's
relationships and her attitude towards

From behind HEATHER MCNAMARA emerges 'Real Life.'
a similarly trendily
accessorized but noticeably more inhibited Unpredictability: 0
waif, HEATHER DUKE.
She is clutching a tattered copy of "The Philosophical Conflict: 0
Catcher in the Rye."
HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, she really wants to talk to you.
VERONICA
Audience Engagement
Okay, I'm going, I'm going. Jesus... Emotional Impact: 6
The emotional impact of the scene is
moderate. Veronica's frustration and
sarcasm evoke some emotional
response, but it could be heightened
with stronger character changes and
higher stakes.
Dialogue: 9
The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
sarcastic, capturing the tone of the
scene and the characters'
personalities. It adds humor and depth
to the interactions.
Engagement: 0
Pacing: 0
Technical Aspect
Formatting: 0
Structure: 0
Critique
The scene starts with an interesting
visual of legs playing croquet, but it
goes on for too long and becomes
repetitive.
The dialogue between Veronica and
Heather McNamara feels forced and
lacks depth.
The use of voice-over narration can be
effective, but in this scene, it feels
overused and detached.
The introduction of Heather Duke and
her holding a copy of 'The Catcher in
the Rye' feels cliché and unoriginal.
The emotional tone of the scene is
unclear and inconsistent, making it
difficult for the audience to connect
with the characters.
Suggestions
Consider shortening the croquet scene
and finding a way to make it more
visually interesting.
Work on developing more natural and
meaningful dialogue between Veronica
and Heather McNamara.
Use voice-over narration more
sparingly and find ways to integrate it
more seamlessly into the scene.
Reconsider the introduction of Heather
Duke and find a way to make her
character more unique and interesting.
Focus on establishing a clear emotional
tone for the scene and make sure it is
consistent throughout.
Scene 2 - The Lunchroom Prank

5 INT. INSIDE THE CAFETERIA -- DAY 5 Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]
A5 A5
VERONICA, flanked by HEATHER MCNAMARA
and HEATHER DUKE,
strides into the lunchroom pandemonium. Summary
Veronica is reluctantly pulled into a
The stunning HEATHER CHANDLER turns lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather
from the tray before her Chandler. They plan to forge a note from
toward her incoming comrades. She is Kurt Kelly and slip it into Martha
dressed stylishly and Dumptruck's lunch tray. Veronica is
expensively but not trendily; her hair, hesitant but eventually agrees. Meanwhile,
dramatically tied the conversation at the lunchroom table
back. revolves around a hypothetical scenario of
winning money and the impending end of
VERONICA the world. Veronica also has a brief
(submissively) encounter with Betty Finn, an old friend.
Hello, Heather. The scene ends with Martha finding the
note in her food.
Pulling out a crumpled piece of yellow paper,
HEATHER Strengths Weaknesses
CHANDLER smiles. The content of what "The scene "The scene could
Heather says is effectively benefit from
consistently offensive but the tone in which establishes the stronger emotional
she speaks tone and humor of impact and higher
is sexy, dangerous, and mysterious. She is a the film, stakes to create a
mythic bitch. introduces conflict more engaging
and tension, and and impactful
HEATHER CHANDLER provides insight narrative."
Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of into the
Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge characters'
a hot and horny but realistically personalities and
low-key note in Kurt's handwriting dynamics."
and we'll slip it into Martha
Dumptruck's lunch tray.
Ratings
VERONICA
Shit, Heather. I don't have anything
against Martha Dunnstock.
HEATHER CHANDLER Overall

You don't have anything FOR her Overall: 8
either. Come on, it'll be Very. The
note'll give her shower nozzle The scene effectively establishes the
masturbation material for weeks. tone and humor of the film, introduces
conflict and tension through the
VERONICA lunchroom prank, and provides insight
I'll think about it. into the characters' personalities and
dynamics.
HEATHER CHANDLER
(looking off)
Don't think.
Story Content
B5 POV ON CAFETERIA LINE B5 Concept: 7
Unattractive and quite overweight, MARTHA The concept of a lunchroom prank and
DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK the hypothetical scenario of winning
guiltily plops two jellos on her tray and clunks money while facing the end of the
forward in world are interesting and engaging.
line.
Plot: 8
C5 CAFETERIA ENTRANCE C5
The plot of the scene revolves around
VERONICA's arm, seemingly involuntary, the lunchroom prank and the
latches onto the conversation about winning money and
outstretched pen. the end of the world. It effectively
moves the story forward and
HEATHER CHANDLER introduces conflict.
Splendid. I'll dictate. Veronica
needs something to write on. Originality: 0
Heather, bend over.
Both HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER
DUKE bend over. HEATHER
CHANDLER violently laughs. Character Development
Characters: 9
HEATHER CHANDLER
How nice. Two assholes: no waiting. The characters are well-developed and
their personalities shine through their
HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE dialogue and actions. Veronica is
stand erect, embarrassed. portrayed as reluctant but ultimately
willing to go along with the prank,
HEATHER CHANDLER while Heather Chandler is confident

Heather Duke, back down. and manipulative. The other
characters, such as Martha and Betty,
VERONICA scurries to the contorting provide contrast and add depth to the
HEATHER DUKE. scene.
HEATHER CHANDLER Character Changes: 6
Dear Martha, you're so sweet.. There is not much character change in
D5 THE JOCKS' TABLE D5 this scene, as it primarily serves to
The traditionally handsome KURT KELLY and establish the characters' personalities
the massive RAM sit and dynamics.
with other typical Jocks taking in VERONICA Internal Goal: 0
and the HEATHERS.
KURT External Goal: 0
It'd be so righteous to be in a
Veronica Sawyer-Heather Chandler
sandwich. Punch it in, Ram.
KURT and RAM raise their right arms and Scene Elements
slam their fists Conflict Level: 8
together.
RAM There is conflict between Veronica's
Hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on reluctance to participate in the prank
my Johnson and just start spinning and Heather Chandler's insistence.
her like a fucking pinwheel. The hypothetical scenario of winning
money while facing the end of the
RAM makes a frantic spinning motion. world also adds tension to the scene.
Opposition: 0
E5 CAFETERIA ENTRANCE E5
In slow motion, VERONICA finishes the note High Stakes: 6
and rises up along
with her makeshift desk, HEATHER DUKE. The stakes are relatively low in this
scene, as it focuses more on humor
HEATHER MCNAMARA hawkishly gazes and character dynamics rather than
toward the cafeteria line. high-stakes situations.
VERONICA hands the note to an impressed Story Forward: 8
HEATHER CHANDLER. The scene moves the story forward by
introducing the lunchroom prank and
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK pays the conversation about winning money

the CASHIER and then, grasping and the end of the world. It also sets
her lunch tray with both hands, moves toward up future conflicts and character
VERONICA and the interactions.
HEATHERS. Unpredictability: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA excitedly tugs on
HEATHER CHANDLER'S arm as Philosophical Conflict: 0
MARTHA approaches. With a tranquil smile,
HEATHER CHANDLER
passes the note to her frantic disciple.
In a self-consciously clandestine manner,
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Audience Engagement
saunters past MARTHA then wields around to Emotional Impact: 6
sneakily tuck the
note onto MARTHA's tray. The scene is more focused on humor
and satire rather than eliciting strong
The slow motion concludes as their plump emotional responses. However, there
victim shuffles is a sense of tension and discomfort in
past a magnetic preppie PETER DAWSON and Veronica's hesitation to participate in
a thin, black, the prank.
bespectacled DENNIS. The guys are working Dialogue: 9
a large stand which
has a cashbox reading THE FOODLESS FUND The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled
and a banner reading with sarcasm and humor. It effectively
WESTERBURG FEEDS THE WORLD. conveys the characters' personalities
PETER and drives the scene forward.
Come on people, let's give that Engagement: 0
leftover lunch money to people
without lunches! Those tater tots
you threw away today are a delicacy Pacing: 0
in Africa! They're Thanksgiving dinner!
F5 HEATHERS' TABLE F5
The Girls reach their table with HEATHER Technical Aspect
MCNAMARA and HEATHER Formatting: 0
DUKE sitting themselves down first.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
(looking to the stand) Structure: 0
God, aren't they fed yet? Do they
even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

VERONICA
(low key sarcasm)
Oh sure, Pilgrims, Indians, tater
Critique
tots; it's a real party continent. The scene starts off with a strong
introduction of the characters and their
HEATHER CHANDLER draws up a clipboard. dynamics, but the dialogue feels a bit
forced and unnatural. It lacks subtlety
HEATHER CHANDLER and nuance, which makes it difficult for
Sawyer. Guess what today is? the audience to fully engage with the
characters and their conflicts.
VERONICA The use of offensive language and
Ouch....the lunchtime poll. So offensive tone by Heather Chandler
what's the question? may be off-putting to some viewers
and could potentially alienate them
HEATHER DUKE from the story.
Yeah, so what's the question? The visual elements in the scene, such
as Veronica and Heather Chandler
HEATHER CHANDLER interacting with different groups of
God-damn Heather, you were with me students, Martha finding the note on
in Study Hall when I thought of it. her tray, and Veronica making eye
Such a pillowcase. contact with the James Deanesque
guy, are effective in creating a sense of
HEATHER DUKE chaos and tension in the cafeteria.
(hurt) However, the pacing of the scene feels
I forgot. a bit rushed, especially during the
lunchtime poll. It would benefit from
G5 ANOTHER ANGLE G5 slowing down and allowing the
audience to fully absorb the
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER briskly interactions and reactions of the
bop away from the table characters.
as a wounded HEATHER DUKE retreats to The The conflict between Veronica and
Catcher in the Rye. Heather Chandler regarding their
desire to talk to different kinds of
VERONICA people is an interesting one, but it is
Hey, this question wouldn't be that not fully explored or resolved in this
bizarro thing you were babbling scene. It would be beneficial to delve
about over the phone last...... deeper into this conflict and its
implications for the characters'
HEATHER CHANDLER relationships and personal growth.
Shut up, it is. I told Dennis if he Overall, the scene has potential but
gave me another topic that was needs some refinement in terms of
political, I'd spew burrito chunks. dialogue, pacing, and character

development.
VERONICA shakes her head and looks off.
She's suddenly
captured by the sight of a JAMES
DEANESQUE GUY sitting stark Suggestions
in a long, tan gunslinger coat, behind a Rebel Consider rewriting the dialogue to
Without a Cause make it more natural and nuanced.
lunchbox. They make eye contact. Focus on creating authentic and
Transfixed, VERONICA crashes into seated believable interactions between the
BETTY FINN, a characters.
Reevaluate the use of offensive
slightly overweight, unstylishly dressed language and offensive tone. Consider
sweetie surrounded by toning it down or finding alternative
clones. ways to convey the characters'
BETTY personalities and conflicts.
Sorry Veronica. Slow down the pacing of the scene,
VERONICA particularly during the lunchtime poll.
Allow the audience to fully absorb the
Betty Finn. Gosh..... interactions and reactions of the
VERONICA crouches down, embarrassed and characters.
rueful. Explore the conflict between Veronica
and Heather Chandler regarding their
VERONICA desire to talk to different kinds of
I'm really sorry I couldn't make it people in more depth. Use this conflict
to drive the character development and
to your birthday party last month. add layers to their relationships.
BETTY Consider adding more subtext and
That's okay. Your Mom said you had subtlety to the scene. Allow the
a big date. Heck, I'd probably skip audience to read between the lines and
my own birthday party for a date. discover the underlying emotions and
motivations of the characters.
Continuously revise and refine the
VERONICA gently laughs at BETTY's innocent scene to ensure that it aligns with the
awe. overall tone and themes of the
VERONICA screenplay.
Don't say that.
BETTY
Oh Ronnie, you have to look at
what I dug up the other day.
BETTY pulls from her purse a picture showing

a YOUNG BETTY
FINN AND VERONICA SAWYER, arm-in-arm,
dressed in Halloween
costumes: BETTY is an angel, VERONICA is a
witch.
VERONICA glows at the photo until HEATHER
CHANDLER tows
VERONICA away causing the picture to fall
face up on the
floor.
H5 ANOTHER ANGLE H5
VERONICA
I was talking with someone!
HEATHER CHANDLER
Color me impressed. I thought you
grew out of Betty FInn.
THE COUNTRY CLUB KIDS' TABLE
A coolly coed cabal of Country Club Kids icily
eye the
approaching VERONICA and HEATHER
CHANDLER. Country Club
kid COUTRNEY sourly speaks out.
COURTNEY
Oh great. Here comes Heather.
KEITH
Shit.
I5 MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S
TABLE I5
Alone at a table in the Siberia of the cafeteria,
MARTHA
finishes a forkful of chicken. She spears her
plate again and
brings the fork up. The note is wedged inside

it.
J5 THE COUNTRY CLUB KIDS' TABLE J5
HEATHER CHANDLER, Veronica in tow, hits
the Country Club Kids
with a salvo of false pleasantness, capped by
a scowling
smile.
HEATHER CHANDLER
Hi Courtney. Love your blouse. Ooh,
let me snare a tater.
COURTNEY expresses elation in spite of
herself as HEATHER
CHANDLER delicately takes a tot and turns
around to face
VERONICA. HEATHER CHANDLER inserts her
finger in her mouth
doing the "induce-vomiting" signal before
devouring the tot
and turning back around.
COURTNEY
Thanks. I just got it last night at
the Limited. Totally blew my allowance.
HEATHER CHANDLER raises her clipboard.
VERONICA closes her
eyes and shakes her head with a half-smile.
HEATHER CHANDLER
That's pretty very. Now check this out. You
win five million dollars from Publishers
Sweepstakes, but on the same day what's-
his-face gives you the check, aliens
land on earth and say they're going
to blow up the world in two days.
What would you do?
A stunned tableau; until Country Club Kid
KEITH speaks.
KEITH
That's easy. I'd just slide that wad
over to my father. He's like one of
the top brokers in the state.
VERONICA
Wake up. In two days, Earth's going
up like a Roman Candle. Crab Nebula City.
KEITH
Man, in two days, my dad could
double my money. Triple it.
COURTNEY
If I got that money, I'd give it
all to the Homeless. Every cent.
VERONICA
You're beautiful.
K5 THE FOODLESS FUND STAND K5
PETER reaches into the Foodless Fund Box
and takes some bills.
PETER
Dennis, my man, run over to Mickey
D.'s and get me a Big Mac and some fries.
DENNIS
But that's the Foodless Fund money.
PETER
Hey, even Bob Geldof's got to eat.
If it makes you feel better, bag the
fries, and nab yourself an Apple Pie.
L5 CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE L5
HEATHER CHANDLER drags VERONICA down
a cafeteria lane.
HEATHER CHANDLER
If you're going to openly be a bitch....

VERONICA
(submissive)
I'm sorry, it's just why can't we
talk to different kinds of people?
HEATHER CHANDLER
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I
look like Mother Theresa? If I did,
I probably wouldn't mind talking to
the Geek Squad.
She points to a table of unfashionably
dressed and coiffed
students. Some wear glasses, some wear
braces, some wear
both.
M5 THE GEEKS' TABLE M5
The GEEKS react to being pointed at. Their
boney leader RODNEY
splatters milk over himself.
RODNEY
Did you see that? Heather Number
One looked right at us.
BIG CYNIC
It must be love.
N5 CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE N5
VERONICA confronts HEATHER CHANDLER.
VERONICA
Doesn't it bother you that everyone in
the school thinks you're a piranha?
HEATHER CHANDLER
Like I give a shit. They all want me,
as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped
at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior.

VERONICA
Pretend you're a missionary saving
a colony of cootie victims.
HEATHER CHANDLER
(giving in)
Whatever. I don't believe this. We're
going to a party at Remington University
tonight and we're brushing up our
conversation skills with the
scum of the school.
P5 MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S
TABLE P5
Her sweaty lips moving rapidly, MARTHA
anxiously reads the
note.
Q5 THE GEEKS' TABLE Q5
The nervous GEEKS fidget and roughhouse
each other in an
involuntarily immature reaction to their
beautiful
interviewers.
GEEK WITH BRACES
No seriously, I'd probably go to
Egypt. With a girl.
BIG CYNIC
Taking a hooker to the Pyramids on
the last day of Mankind. You
sentimental old fart.
BRACES
Geez, forget it.
VERONICA
What about you Rodney?
RODNEY
(quietly to the others)
I told you she knew my name.
(beat of contemplation)
I'd change my life. New clothes.
New haircut. New house. New home.
HEATHER CHANDLER
How sad! Blowing all your cash on
two days of trying to be hip.
R5 ANOTHER ANGLE R5
VERONICA tugs HEATHER CHANDLER away
from the table.
VERONICA
If you're going to openly be a bitch....
As HEATHER CHANDLER continues to
guffaw, VERONICA again
catches sight of the JAMES DEANESQUE
GUY. He wraps his fingers
around an egg and unfolds them back. The
egg is gone. He
smiles. VERONICA smiles back.
Her trance is broken by a boisterous
HEATHER MCNAMARA and
HEATHER DUKE who careen into the two
pollsters.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
God, scan on Martha Dumptruck.
S5 POV ON MARTHA S5
MARTHA looks up from the note to the
JOCKS' table and KURT
KELLY, then flustered, back down at the note.
HEATHER CHANDLER
This is the part I hate. The waiting.
I'd say we're like twenty minutes from
major humiliation. Come on, Veronica.

HEATHER CHANDLER floats off. A disturbed
VERONICA takes a
moment to react.
HEATHER CHANDLER
Veronica?
VERONICA follows the leader. She calls out.
VERONICA
Damn..

6 EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT -- DAY 6 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER march
into the school parking
lot toward four HEAVY METALERS (one Summary
female) hanging out on a Veronica is reluctantly pulled into a
car hood. The girls' conversation is heard in lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather
voice-over. Chandler. They plan to forge a note from
Kurt Kelly and slip it into Martha
VERONICA (V.O.) Dumptruck's lunch tray. Veronica is
..you Heather. Deep down all teenagers hesitant but eventually agrees. Meanwhile,
are the same. Didn't you see The the conversation at the lunchroom table
Breakfast club? revolves around a hypothetical scenario of
winning money and the impending end of
7 INT. CAFETERIA -- BETTY FINN'S TABLE -- the world. Veronica also has a brief
DAY 7 encounter with Betty Finn, an old friend.
A7 A7 The scene ends with Martha finding the
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER set note in her food.
themselves down with BETTY
FINN and her LOOK-ALIKE FRIENDS. Strengths Weaknesses
Sharp and Limited
HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.) witty dialogue emotional
Look at me. I look great. I'm the girl Satirical depth
in the commercials and the videos. commentary
on teenage Relatively low

B7 JOCKS' TABLE B7 cliques stakes
Engaging
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER warily character
stand at the outskirts of interactions
the JOCKS' bastion of vulgarity.
HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
I'm the blonde in the bikini on the Ratings
horse holding a Pepsi can.
8 INT. STONERS' HALLWAY -- DAY 8 Overall
In a dark, smoky hallway, VERONICA and Overall: 8
HEATHER CHANDLER cough The scene effectively combines dark
toward a batch of STONERS in tattered forms humor and satirical commentary on
of dress. teenage cliques and social dynamics.
HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.) The dialogue is sharp and witty, and
I'm the princess being spanked on the the lunchroom prank adds an element
throne by Billy Idol's guitarist's guitar. of conflict and tension.
9 INT. THE FOODLESS FUND STAND -- DAY
9 Story Content
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER accost Concept: 7
PETER DAWSON at the
Foodless Fund stand. The concept of the lunchroom prank
and the exploration of teenage cliques
HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.) and social dynamics is engaging and
What do I get out of being friends well-executed.
with losers. I give them a piece of Plot: 8
a winner and they stain me with loserness.
10 EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY 10 The plot of the scene revolves around
the lunchroom prank and the
Heavy Metaler MATT grins. conversations at the table, which are
entertaining and move the story
MATT forward.
You get five million dollars but Originality: 0
some Martians are going to zap you
in two days. You hear that, Clyde?
That's got to be the most spooky-ass
question I've ever heard.
11 INT. CAFETERIA -- BETTY FINN'S TABLE -- Character Development

DAY 11 Characters: 9
A11 A11
BETTY FINN daintily peeps up. The characters are well-developed and
their interactions are engaging.
BETTY FINN Veronica's internal conflict and
I think we should use the money Heather Chandler's manipulative
for an End-of-the-world get-together. nature add depth to the scene.
We could invite GUYS.
Character Changes: 6
B11 JOCKS' TABLE B11
Veronica experiences a shift in her
RAM sputters out some chicken to bellow. perspective as she reluctantly agrees
to participate in the prank, showing a
RAM potential change in her character.
I'd pay Madonna one million dollars Internal Goal: 0
to ride my face like the Kentucky
Derby. She should be paying me, though.
External Goal: 0
12 INT. STONERS' HALLWAY -- DAY 12
A FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET starts
to speak, then stops...
Scene Elements
FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET Conflict Level: 8
What?
13 INT. CAFETERIA -- THE FOODLESS FUND The conflict arises from Veronica's
STAND -- DAY 13 internal struggle to participate in the
PETER DAWSON lashes out. prank and the tension between the
characters at the lunchroom table.
PETER DAWSON Opposition: 0
This is important. With taxes, I'd
be only getting 3.5 million and....
High Stakes: 6
14 EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY 14
The stakes are relatively low in this
Heavy Metaler CLYDE turns from his friend scene, with the lunchroom prank being
MATT. the main source of conflict.
CLYDE Story Forward: 8
If you want a good way to go out
before the aliens land, get a lion The scene moves the story forward by
from the zoo. Put a remote control introducing the lunchroom prank and
bomb up its butt. When the lion starts further developing the dynamics
tearing you up, press the bomb button. between the characters.
You and the lion die like as one. Unpredictability: 0
Two Heavy Metal lovers, JACKIE and STEVE,
intertwined against Philosophical Conflict: 0
the windshield blankly respond.
JACKIE AND STEVE
Cool.
15 INT. CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE -- DAY
Audience Engagement
15 Emotional Impact: 6
A15 A15
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER The scene elicits a mix of emotions,
continue their conversation including amusement, cynicism, and
chugging through another busy cafeteria discomfort.
lane. Dialogue: 9
HEATHER CHANDLER The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
Just imagine somebody like your satirical, capturing the tone of the
quasi-fat, goody-good friend Betty scene and the characters'
Finn doing a Crest commercial. No personalities.
one would buy Crest.
Engagement: 0
VERONICA
Don't tell me. Crest would be
stained with loserness. Pacing: 0
HEATHER CHANDLER
Yeah, and who wants that on their teeth?
HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE Technical Aspect
burst back between them. Formatting: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Oh God, here we go... Structure: 0
B15 POV ON MARTHA
DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK B15
MARTHA, with awkward apprehension,

stumbles toward KURT and Critique
the JOCKS. VERONICA and the HEATHERS The scene lacks clear transitions
stop breathing. between the different locations,
MARTHA mumbles something unintelligible making it confusing for the reader to
from where the girls follow the characters' movements.
stand. KURT'S head detonates with a The use of voice-over narration is
terrifying cackle. MARTHA excessive and interrupts the flow of the
flees the cafeteria in horror. VERONICA spins scene. It would be more effective to
away from her show the characters' interactions
mirthful friends in disgust and makes eye through dialogue and actions.
contact with the The dialogue between Veronica and
similarly disturbed JAMES DEANESQUE GUY. Heather Chandler feels forced and
VERONICA lurches away. She brakes against unnatural. It lacks subtlety and depth,
the Foodless Fund making it difficult for the audience to
stand where PETER DAWSON is hollering connect with the characters.
away. The conflict between Veronica's desire
to talk to different kinds of people and
PETER Heather Chandler's dismissive attitude
A dime increases the time! A buck is not fully explored or resolved in this
brings good luck! Hi Veronica. A scene.
five keeps the neighborhood alive! The visual elements in the scene are
A ten and you die without sen! limited and do not contribute
significantly to the storytelling.
HEATHER CHANDLER wings a twenty dollar The scene ends abruptly without a
bill into the cashbox. clear resolution or cliffhanger, leaving
the audience unsatisfied.
HEATHER CHANDLER
(to Veronica)
You wanted to become a member of
the most powerful clique in the
Suggestions
school. If I wasn't already the Provide clear transitions between
head of it, I'd want the same thing. locations to help the reader visualize
the characters' movements.
VERONICA Reduce the use of voice-over narration
I'm sorry? What are you oozing about? and focus on showing the characters'
interactions through dialogue and
HEATHER CHANDLER actions.
That episode with the note back there Rewrite the dialogue between Veronica
was for all of us to enjoy, but you and Heather Chandler to make it more
seem determined to ruin my day. natural and nuanced, allowing the
VERONICA audience to connect with the

(slapping her knee) characters on a deeper level.
We made a girl want to consider Further develop the conflict between
suicide. What a scream. What a jest. Veronica and Heather Chandler,
exploring their differing perspectives
HEATHER CHANDLER and motivations.
Come on you jerk. You know you used Introduce more visual elements that
to have a sense of humor. enhance the storytelling and add depth
to the scene.
Consider adding a stronger ending to
the scene that leaves the audience
wanting more or provides a clear
resolution to the conflict.

16 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 16 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
Combing their hair in the bathroom mirror, the
HEATHERS speak
in comically whining-and-pathetic imitations Summary
of Martha Veronica is reluctantly pulled into a
Dumptruck as VERONICA shakes her head lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather
with a half-smile. Chandler. They plan to forge a note from
Kurt Kelly and slip it into Martha
HEATHER CHANDLER Dumptruck's lunch tray. Veronica is
Ku-urt, let's pa-arty. hesitant but eventually agrees. Meanwhile,
the conversation at the lunchroom table
HEATHER MCNAMARA revolves around a hypothetical scenario of
Ku-urt, I ne-ed an orgasm. winning money and the impending end of
the world. Veronica also has a brief
HEATHER DUKE's gentle off-screen voice encounter with Betty Finn, an old friend.
slices in. The scene ends with Martha finding the
note in her food.
HEATHER DUKE (O.S.)
Veronica, could you come back here? Strengths Weaknesses
"The strengths of "One weakness of
HEATHER CHANDLER AND HEATHER this scene include the scene is the
MCNAMARA the sharp and lack of emotional

Gross! witty dialogue, the depth and high
well-defined stakes."
VERONICA characters, and
A true friend's work is never done. the comedic tone."
VERONICA reveals her right index finger is
cut noticeably
short, then walks over to the stalls. Ratings
HEATHER CHANDLER
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '86.
Overall
Overall: 8
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Color me nauseous. The scene is well-written and
engaging, with a good balance of
THE STALL humor and drama. The dialogue is
witty and the characters are well-
VERONICA stands in a tight stall with an developed.
ashamed HEATHER DUKE.
VERONICA
Maybe you should see a doctor. Story Content
Concept: 7
HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, maybe. The concept of a lunchroom prank and
the discussion of hypothetical
HEATHER CHANDLER (O.S.) scenarios adds an interesting layer to
Come on Heather. We want another the scene.
look at today's lunch.
Plot: 8
VERONICA
Geez, don't listen to them. The plot of the lunchroom prank and
Veronica's involvement keeps the
HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.) scene engaging and drives the story
Did she have the pie or the ice forward.
cream for dessert? Originality: 0
(like a game show host)
And the answer IS.
HEATHER DUKE holds up her copy of The
Catcher in the Rye and
makes a bizarrely defiant smile.
HEATHER DUKE
Yeah, you know Holden Caulfield in Character Development
the Catcher in the Rye wouldn't put Characters: 9
up with their bogus nonsense.
The characters are well-defined and
VERONICA their interactions are entertaining.
Well, you better move Holden out Veronica's reluctance and the dynamic
of the way or he's going to get spewed. between the Heathers add depth to
the scene.
HEATHER DUKE puts down her book and
opens her mouth. VERONICA Character Changes: 4
sticks her finger in.
There is minimal character change in
17 CAFETERIA ENTRANCE 17 this scene.
A17 A17 Internal Goal: 0
A gnarly melange of chicken and potatoes is
scraped off a
plate into a cafeteria trashcan as VERONICA External Goal: 0
and the HEATHERS
stroll by outside. VERONICA pauses to peer in
at the JAMES
DEANESQUE GUY.
Scene Elements
HEATHER MCNAMARA Conflict Level: 7
God Veronica, drool much? His name's
Jason Dean. He's in my American History. There is a mild conflict between
VERONICA Veronica's reluctance and the
Give me the clipboard. Heathers' insistence on involving her in
As VERONICA walks off, HEATHER the prank.
MCNAMARA oinks out some amusing Opposition: 0
sexual noises.
B17 CAFETERIA/JASON DEAN'S TABLE B17 High Stakes: 5
VERONICA saunters to JASON DEAN. The stakes are relatively low in this
scene, focusing more on the comedic
VERONICA elements.
Hello Jason Dean. Story Forward: 8
JASON The scene moves the story forward by
Greetings and salutations. Call me introducing the lunchroom prank and
J.D. Are you a Heather? further developing Veronica's
relationships with the Heathers and

VERONICA Betty Finn.
No, a Veronica. Sawyer. This may Unpredictability: 0
seem like a stupid question....
J.D. Philosophical Conflict: 0
There are no stupid questions.
VERONICA
If you inherit five million dollars
the same day aliens tell the earth
they're blowing us up in two days,
Audience Engagement
what would you do? Emotional Impact: 5
J.D. The scene is more focused on humor
(suavely) and satire rather than emotional
That's the stupidest question I've impact.
ever heard. Dialogue: 9
C17 JOCKS' TABLE C17 The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
The JOCKS witness VERONICA and J.D. captures the satirical tone of the
scene. It reveals the characters'
RAM personalities and drives the humor.
Who does that new kid think he is Engagement: 0
with that coat? Bo Diddley?
KURT Pacing: 0
Veronica is into his act. No doubt.
RAM
Let's kick his ass. Technical Aspect
KURT Formatting: 0
Shit, we're seniors, Ram. Too old
for that crap. Let's give him a
scare though. Structure: 0
D17 J.D.'S TABLE D17
An intrigued J.D. laconically answers THE
question.
J.D.
Probably just row on out to the

middle of a lake. Bring along my Critique
sax, some tequila, and some Bach. The scene starts off with the Heathers
VERONICA imitating Martha Dumptruck in a
How very. comically whining manner. While this
may be intended to be humorous, it
HEATHER CHANDLER breaks VERONICA's comes across as mean-spirited and
daze of admiration. cruel. It's important to consider the
tone and message being conveyed
HEATHER CHANDLER through the dialogue and actions of the
Come on. characters.
VERONICA (to J.D.) Heather Duke in the stall feels forced
Later. and unnatural. The conversation about
bulimia lacks depth and sensitivity, and
J.D. it doesn't contribute much to the
Definitely. overall story or character development.
The interaction between Veronica and
KURT and RAM move into the exiting Heather Chandler in the cafeteria
VERONICA's place. entrance lacks substance. It's unclear
RAM sticks his finger through a piece of pie why Veronica wants the clipboard or
on J.D.'s plate. what her intentions are. The sexual
noises made by Heather McNamara
RAM also feel out of place and unnecessary.
You going to eat this? The conversation between Veronica
and Jason Dean at his table is
KURT intriguing, but the hypothetical
What did your BOYFRIEND say when question feels contrived and doesn't
you told him you were moving to add much depth to the characters or
Sherwood, Ohio? the story. It would be more effective to
explore their personalities and
RAM motivations through more organic
Answer him dick! dialogue.
The confrontation between Kurt, Ram,
KURT and Jason Dean feels forced and lacks
Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria nuance. The insults exchanged
have a No Fags Allowed Rule? between the characters come across
as juvenile and don't contribute to the
J.D. overall conflict or character
It seems to have an open door policy development.
for assholes though, doesn't it? The use of a gun in the scene is jarring
and unnecessary. It introduces a level
of violence that feels out of place in the
KURT context of the story. It would be more

What did you say dickweed? effective to explore the conflicts and
tensions between the characters
J.D. through dialogue and actions that are
I'll repeat myself. more grounded in reality.
J.D. gracefully stands, reaches into his coat,
and pulls out a
.357 Magnum. He fires twice at the viewer. Suggestions
Consider revising the dialogue and
actions of the Heathers in the
bathroom to be less mean-spirited and
more in line with the overall tone of the
story.
Develop the conversation between
Veronica and Heather Duke in the stall
to be more meaningful and sensitive,
addressing the issue of bulimia with
more depth and understanding.
Reevaluate the purpose of the
interaction between Veronica and
Heather Chandler in the cafeteria
entrance. Make sure it serves a clear
narrative or character development
purpose.
Revise the hypothetical question asked
by Veronica to Jason Dean to be more
organic and revealing of their
personalities and motivations.
Rework the confrontation between
Kurt, Ram, and Jason Dean to be more
nuanced and realistic, focusing on the
underlying tensions and conflicts
between the characters.
Remove the use of a gun in the scene
and find alternative ways to explore the
conflicts and tensions between the
characters.
Scene 5 - Croquet Game and Lunchroom Prank

18 EXT. THE SAWYER BACKYARD -- DAY 18 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
Croquet wickets have been set up in standard
form. VERONICA
and the HEATHERS stand at various positions Summary
in the yard Veronica and the Heathers play a croquet
holding different colored mallets next to game in Sawyer's backyard, discussing
matching balls. J.D.'s recent actions. Veronica's mom and
HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her ball through dad join them briefly. Veronica then goes to
the middle wicket. a 7-11 with Heather Chandler to buy corn
HEATHER MCNAMARA nuts.
God, they won't expell him. They'll
just suspend him for a week or something. Strengths Weaknesses
Witty dialogue Limited
HEATHER CHANDLER Character character
He used a real gun. They should dynamics change
throw his ass in jail. Setting up Moderate
conflicts emotional
VERONICA impact
No way. He used blanks. All J.D.
really did was ruin two pairs of
pants...Maybe not even that... Ratings
(giggling)
Can you bleach out urine stains?
Overall
HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her red ball into Overall: 8
HEATHER DUKE'S green
one. The scene effectively combines humor
HEATHER CHANDLER and drama, showcasing the dynamics
J.D.? You seem pretty amused. I thought between the characters and setting up
you were giving up on high school guys. future conflicts.
VERONICA
Never say never. Story Content
HEATHER DUKE Concept: 7
What are you going to do, Heather?
Take the two shots or send me out? The concept of a croquet game turning
grim and the lunchroom prank adds
The Girls look to the doelike HEATHER DUKE intrigue and sets up the themes of
with incredulous deception and manipulation.
faces. Plot: 8
HEATHER CHANDLER The plot progresses as Veronica
Did you have a brain tumor for reluctantly agrees to participate in the
breakfast? First you ask if you can prank, leading to potential
be red, knowing that I'm ALWAYS red... consequences and conflicts.
HEATHER CHANDLER places her foot on her Originality: 0
red ball. She swings
her mallet down hard on the red ball sending
the adjacent
green one rocketing into a flower bed.
HEATHER DUKE
Character Development
Shit. Characters: 9
HEATHER CHANDLER's next shot falls short The characters are well-developed and
of the next wicket. their interactions reveal their
HEATHER CHANDLER Character Changes: 6
(to HEATHER DUKE)
Damn. It's your turn Heather. There is minimal character change in
HEATHER DUKE this scene, but it sets up potential
No, it's Heather's turn. changes and conflicts in the future.
Internal Goal: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA hits her ball through a
wicket and squeals.
External Goal: 0
HEATHER CHANDLER
Anyway, I can say never to high
school. I've got David.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
King David. Scene Elements
Conflict Level: 7
HEATHER CHANDLER
Maybe when you hit maturity you'll There is a moderate level of conflict as
understand the diff between a Remington Veronica is pulled into the prank and
University man like David and a tensions arise between the Heathers.
Westerburg boy like Ram "Wham-bam-
thank-you-maam" Sweeney.
Opposition: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA misses her next shot.
HEATHER MCNAMARA High Stakes: 6
Ram's sweet. Yo Heather, you're up. The stakes are moderate, with
HEATHER DUKE tries to navigate a shot from potential consequences for Veronica
the flower bed. and Martha as a result of the prank.
HEATHER MCNAMARA Story Forward: 8
No way, no day! The scene moves the story forward by
VERONICA introducing conflicts, establishing
Give it up girl! character dynamics, and setting up
future events.
As her friends howl, HEATHER DUKE slams Unpredictability: 0
her ball out of the
flower bed. The ball bounces off a tree and Philosophical Conflict: 0
amazingly goes
through a wicket. HEATHER DUKE squeals in
delight.
VERONICA HEATHER MCNAMARA
Holy SHIT! God, that was unbelievable! Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 6
HEATHER CHANDLER
What. A. Shot. The emotional impact is moderate,
with moments of amusement and
HEATHER DUKE's next shot falls short of the tension.
next wicket.
VERONICA begins setting up her shot. Dialogue: 8
HEATHER MCNAMARA The dialogue is witty and showcases
So tonight's the night. Are you the characters' distinct voices and
two excited? humor.
HEATHER CHANDLER Engagement: 0
I'm giving Veronica her shot. Her
first Remington Party. Blow it tonight Pacing: 0
girl and it's keggers with kids all
next year.
VERONICA
(missing her shot)

Crap. So who's this Brad guy I've Technical Aspect
been set up with? Witty and urbane Formatting: 0
pre-lawyer or albino accountant?
HEATHER CHANDLER Structure: 0
Don't worry. David says he's very
so he's very.
HEATHER CHANDLER again hits her ball into
HEATHER DUKE'S.
HEATHER DUKE
Why?
HEATHER CHANDLER
Why not?
HEATHER CHANDLER slams HEATHER
DUKE's ball back into the
flower bed. VERONICA'S MOM calls out the
back screen door.
MOM
Heather, your Mother's here.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Come on whoever wants a ride.
As the HEATHERS head into the house,
VERONICA picks up HEATHER
DUKE'S ball and exuberantly throws it back
toward the wickets.
Veronica's MOM, carrying a tray of pate, and
DAD, carrying a
Robert Ludlum book, place themselves
around a patio table.
DAD
Take a break Veronica, sit down.
VERONICA
All right.
VERONICA sinks into the empty middle deck Critique

chair. The scene lacks clear objectives for
DAD the characters. It is not clear what
So what was the first week of Veronica, Heather Chandler, and
Spring Vacation withdrawl like? Heather Duke are trying to achieve in
this scene.
VERONICA The dialogue feels forced and
I don't know, it was okay, I guess. unnatural at times. Some lines, such as
'Can you bleach out urine stains?' and
MOM 'Because you're an idiot,' come across
Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up? as trying too hard to be edgy and
sarcastic.
VERONICA The scene lacks visual elements and
I guess. actions that could enhance the
storytelling. It mostly consists of
MOM characters standing around and
Any contestants worth mentioning? talking.
The transition from the croquet game
VERONICA to Veronica's parents' conversation
MayBE. There's kind of a dark feels abrupt and disconnected. It
horse now in the running. doesn't flow smoothly.
The humor in the scene is hit or miss.
DAD Some jokes land, but others fall flat.
(looking up) The scene doesn't contribute much to
Goddamn. Will somebody please tell the overall plot or character
me why I read this spy crap. development. It feels like filler material.
The pacing of the scene is slow, and it
VERONICA doesn't build enough tension or
(smiling) conflict to keep the audience engaged.
Because you're an idiot. The scene lacks a clear resolution or
DAD cliffhanger to leave the audience
Oh yeah, that's it. wanting more.
DAD immediately returns to reading with a
wide grin. Suggestions
MOM Give each character a clear objective
(shaking her head) or goal in the scene. This will help drive
You two.... the conflict and make the scene more
engaging.
VERONICA
Great pate, but I'm going to have Work on making the dialogue more
to motor if I want to be ready for natural and authentic. Avoid trying too
the party tonight. hard to be edgy or sarcastic.
Introduce more visual elements and
19 EXT. OUTSIDE 7-11 -- NIGHT 19 actions to enhance the storytelling.
Consider how the characters' body
A Volkswagen Cabriolet pulls up in front of a language and movements can convey
7-11 with their emotions and intentions.
HEATHER CHANDLER at the wheel. Smooth out the transition between the
VERONICA pops out of the croquet game and Veronica's parents'
car, into the store. HEATHER CHANDLER conversation. Find a way to connect
clamors to her. these two parts more seamlessly.
Refine the humor in the scene to
HEATHER CHANDLER ensure that the jokes land consistently
Corn nuts! and contribute to the overall tone and
style of the screenplay.
Make sure that every scene serves a
purpose in advancing the plot or
developing the characters. Cut any
filler material that doesn't contribute to
the story.
Increase the pacing of the scene by
adding more tension and conflict. Find
ways to raise the stakes and keep the
audience engaged.
End the scene with a clear resolution or
cliffhanger that leaves the audience
wanting to know what happens next.
Scene 6 - 7-11 Run

20 INT. 7-11 -- NIGHT 20 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
Stylishly dressed-to-massacre, VERONICA
reaches out to a bag
of Corn Nuts as J.D.'s off-screen voice Summary
disarms her. Veronica and J.D. go to a 7-11 to buy
snacks and have a conversation about their
J.D. (O.S.) lives. Veronica opens up about her

You going to pull a Big Gulp with that? dissatisfaction with her friends and J.D.
reveals some details about his father's
VERONICA construction company. They share a
No, but if you're nice I'll let moment of connection before being
you buy me a Slurpee. You know interrupted by Heather Chandler. The
your 7-11speak pretty well. scene ends with Veronica and J.D. leaving
the 7-11.
J.D.
I've been moved around all my life; Strengths Weaknesses
Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood Humorous Low conflict
Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any dialogue Relatively low
town, any time, I can pop a Ham and Character stakes
Cheese in the microwave and feast on development
a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane. Engaging
VERONICA interactions
Really? That thing in the caf
today was pretty severe.
Ratings
J.D.
The extreme always makes an impression,
but you're right, it was severe. Did
Overall
you say a Cherry or Coke Slurpee? Overall: 8
VERONICA The scene is well-written and
I didn't. Cherry. engaging, with humorous dialogue and
meaningful character development. It
VERONICA smiles at her Coolness. J.D. effectively sets up the dynamics
returns the smile. between Veronica, J.D., and Heather
21 EXT. 7-11 PARKING LOT -- NIGHT 21 Chandler.
VERONICA and J.D. slurp by J.D.'s ferocious
motorcycle. Story Content
VERONICA Concept: 7
Great bike.
The concept of the scene, a casual
HEATHER CHANDLER sounds her car horn conversation between two characters
with a grimace. VERONICA at a convenience store, is not
glares at her then turns back to J.D. particularly groundbreaking but is
executed well.
J.D.
Just a humble perk from my Dad's Plot: 7

Construction company or should I
say Deconstruction company? The plot of the scene is relatively
simple, focusing on the interaction
VERONICA between Veronica, J.D., and Heather
I don't know. Should you? Chandler. It serves to deepen the
characters' relationships and provide
J.D. insight into their lives.
My father seems to enjoy tearing Originality: 0
things down more than putting things up.
Seen the commerical? "Bringing every
State to a Higher State."
VERONICA
Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's Character Development
Big Bud Dean Construction. Must be Characters: 9
rough. Moving place to place.
The characters in the scene,
J.D. particularly Veronica and J.D., are well-
Everybody's life's got static. Is developed and engaging. Their
your life perfect? dialogue reveals their personalities and
motivations.
VERONICA
(gently joking) Character Changes: 7
Sure, I'm on my way to a party
at Remington University. Veronica experiences some character
growth in the scene, opening up about
VERONICA grows serious as the car horn her dissatisfaction and showing
sounds again. vulnerability. J.D. also reveals more
about himself and his past.
VERONICA Internal Goal: 0
It's not perfect. I don't really
like my friends.
External Goal: 0
J.D.
I don't really like your friends either.
VERONICA
It's like they're just people I Scene Elements
work with and our job is being Conflict Level: 5
popular and shit.
J.D. The conflict in the scene is relatively
low, with the main tension coming from
Maybe it's time for a vacation. Veronica's dissatisfaction with her

friends and J.D.'s revelation about his
The car horn blares again. father's construction company.
22 INT. DORMITORY ROOM -- NIGHT 22 Opposition: 0
DAVID, Heather Chandler's fine looking
college beau, leads High Stakes: 4
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER into a
cramped, eclectically The stakes in the scene are relatively
tacky dorm room. Music pounds the door. low, focusing more on character
The semi-handsome BRAD chats atop a desk development and relationship
dynamics.
with BRAD'S FRIEND.
Story Forward: 6
DAVID
Throw your coats on the bed, girls. The scene moves the story forward by
deepening the relationships between
BRAD the characters and providing important
That exam was so bogus. information about their lives.
BRAD'S FRIEND Unpredictability: 0
Oh I KNOW. Which exam?
Philosophical Conflict: 0
DAVID
Veronica, this is Brad.
BRAD
Excellent. Did you girls bring
your partying slippers?
Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 6
HEATHER CHANDLER
Yeah, let's party. The scene has some emotional impact,
particularly in Veronica's vulnerability
DAVID and J.D.'s understanding and
She loves to party. connection with her.
As they head out the door, BRAD whispers Dialogue: 9
something in BRAD'S The dialogue in the scene is witty,
FRIEND's ear causing the pair to snarl off a humorous, and reveals important
laugh. information about the characters. It
23 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 23 effectively conveys their emotions and
drives the scene forward.
The viewer is taken back and forth from a Engagement: 0

shattered post-party
VERONICA to the traumatic dormitory party
itself. The sobbing Pacing: 0
monocoled VERONICA writes at her desk.
VERONICA (V.O.)
Dear Diary, I want to kill and you
have to believe.....damn pen! Technical Aspect
Formatting: 0
VERONICA frenziedly scribbles, trying to get
her pen to
write. She throws the pen across the room Structure: 0
and pulls out
another.
VERONICA (V.O.)
You have to believe it's for more Critique
than selfish reasons. More than a The scene starts off with a flirty
spoke in my menstrual cycle. You conversation between Veronica and
have to believe me. J.D. at the 7-11, which sets a playful
24 INT. DORMITORY HALLWAY -- NIGHT 24 and flirtatious tone. However, the
dialogue feels a bit forced and
unnatural, particularly with the
The chaotic hallway rumbles with beer cups excessive use of 7-11 references. It
and loud music. could benefit from a more organic and
VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER's authentic conversation between the
stylish garb clashes with the characters.
laid-back dress of the COLLEGE STUDENTS. The transition from the 7-11 parking lot
BRAD anxiously hands VERONICA a cup of to the dormitory room feels abrupt and
beer as he watches disjointed. It would be helpful to have a
DAVID and HEATHER CHANDLER move smoother transition or a clearer
through a staircase door. indication of the change in location.
The introduction of Brad and his friend
BRAD in the dormitory room feels random
So, are you a cheerleader? and unnecessary. Their presence
doesn't add much to the scene and
VERONICA distracts from the main focus of
(dealing with a jerk) Veronica and J.D.'s interaction. It would
No, not at all. be more effective to keep the focus on
BRAD Veronica and J.D. and their developing
You're pretty enough to be one. relationship.
VERONICA The dialogue between Brad and

Gee, thanks. Veronica in the hallway lacks depth and
substance. It feels like a generic
BRAD conversation and doesn't contribute
It's so great to be able to talk much to the overall story or character
to a girl and not have to ask development. It would be beneficial to
"What's your major?" I hate that. explore more meaningful and engaging
dialogue between the two characters.
They uncomfortably sip their beers. A deadly The scene ends with Veronica entering
pause ensues. the room with the coats, but it's
unclear what the significance of this
BRAD action is. It would be helpful to provide
So when you go to college, what kind more context or clarity on why this
of subjects do you think you'll study? action is important or how it connects
to the larger story.
25 INT. DAVID'S DORM ROOM 25 Overall, the scene has potential but
could benefit from stronger and more
HEATHER CHANDLER and DAVID sit on the authentic dialogue, smoother
latter's bed, surrounded transitions between locations, and a
by a PC and a series of obnoxious Ferrari clearer focus on the main characters
posters. They kiss. and their relationships.
DAVID doing most of the work.
HEATHER CHANDLER
Come on David, let's go back to the party. Suggestions
Revise the dialogue between Veronica
DAVID and J.D. at the 7-11 to make it more
(unzipping his pants) natural and authentic. Focus on
Don't worry, we will. You're just so developing their chemistry and building
hot tonight. I can't control myself. their relationship in a more organic
DAVID pushes HEATHER CHANDLER's head way.
down. Consider reworking the transition from
the 7-11 parking lot to the dormitory
room to make it smoother and more
26 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 26 seamless. This could be achieved
BRAD has given up on conversation. through visual cues or a clearer
indication of the change in location.
Remove the introduction of Brad and
BRAD his friend in the dormitory room to
So what do you say we head up to my maintain focus on Veronica and J.D.
room and have a real party. I've got the and their developing relationship. This
best Windham Hill C.D. collection will help streamline the scene and keep
in the dorm. it more focused.
Revise the dialogue between Brad and

BRAD'S FRIEND approaches before Veronica in the hallway to make it more
VERONICA can show disgust. meaningful and engaging. Explore
deeper conversations that reveal more
BRAD'S FRIEND about the characters and their
Brad-ley, Hennesey's looking for motivations.
you. He says he owes you for blow Provide more context or clarity on the
and he just got some product himself. significance of Veronica entering the
BRAD room with the coats at the end of the
You're kidding. That pecker actually scene. This will help connect this
scored something on his own? action to the larger story and give it
more purpose.
BRAD'S FRIEND Consider revising and refining the
(ambling off) overall structure and pacing of the
He's in Sheila's room, big guy. Party up. scene to ensure it flows smoothly and
effectively conveys the desired
BRAD emotions and character dynamics.
Excellent. Veronica, ever do COCAINE?
VERONICA
Ever since Phil Collins did that anti-
drug thing on MTV I refuse everything.
BRAD
Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't
drinking and driving?
VERONICA
Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs?
BRAD
Right. Hey, don't run away now.
With a wink, BRAD squirms off. VERONICA
dashes into the room
with the coats.
Scene 7 - Veronica's Rebellion

27 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 27 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

VERONICA rampages through her diary.
VERONICA (V.O.) Summary
Seventeen is the last year Mom buys Veronica, feeling disillusioned with her
the Twinkies. When you make the friends, reluctantly participates in a
jump from working weekends at Pizza lunchroom prank orchestrated by Heather
Hut to thirty years at I.B.M., you Chandler. The scene explores Veronica's
lose something. Not innocence -- power. internal conflict and her desire to break free
from the toxic social hierarchy. It ends with
J.F.K. the cat jumps onto the Diary. a confrontation between Veronica and
Heather Chandler, setting the stage for a
VERONICA major conflict.
J.F.K.!
VERONICA flings the screeching cat off and "The scene "Some moments
continues. effectively could be further
establishes the developed to
VERONICA (V.O.) central conflict, enhance emotional
Christ, I can't explain it, but I'm showcases sharp impact and
allowed an understanding that my and witty dialogue, character
parents and these Remington University and sets a dark development."
assholes have chosen to ignore. I and satirical tone."
understand I must stop Heather.
28 INT. DORM "COAT" ROOM -- NIGHT 28 Ratings
Panting, VERONICA collapses at a desk in the
"coat" room. She
Overall
draws a Vodka bottle from a stockpile of Overall: 8
liquor and pours
some in her beer cup, slouching down in her The scene effectively establishes the
chair. central conflict and sets the tone for
VERONICA lights a match from a 7-11 the rest of the story. The dialogue is
matchbook. She eerily sharp and witty, capturing the dark
brings her hand closer and closer to the fire humor of the film. However, there are
until it some moments that could be further
touches. developed to enhance the emotional
impact.
With an eek of pain, she tosses the match
away into the Vodka
cup, setting it afire. VERONICA laughs to
herself before
tossing the flaming cup out the window. Story Content
Concept: 7
29 EXT. ALLEY OUTSIDE THE DORMITORY --
NIGHT 29 The concept of a high school student
rebelling against the social hierarchy is
The flaming cup lands in a large rusted compelling and relatable. The scene
garbage can filled effectively introduces this concept and
with other cups and various refuse. The establishes the protagonist's
flames spread... motivation.
30 INT. DORMITORY BATHROOM -- NIGHT Plot: 8
30
The plot of the scene revolves around
A dejected HEATHER CHANDLER walks into a Veronica's participation in a prank and
multi-mirror-and-sink her growing dissatisfaction with her
bathroom. Using a glass off one of the sinks, friends. It effectively sets up the
she gargles some conflict between Veronica and Heather
water and then spits it at her own reflection. Chandler, propelling the story forward.
31 INT. THE DORM "COAT" ROOM -- NIGHT Originality: 0
31
VERONICA closes the window as BRAD opens
the door. Character Development
BRAD Characters: 9
How's my little cheerleader? Now I
know everyone at your high school The characters in the scene are well-
isn't so uptight, come ON. developed and their personalities shine
through the dialogue. Veronica is
VERONICA portrayed as a conflicted and
Hey really, I don't feel so great. rebellious protagonist, while Heather
Chandler is depicted as a manipulative
BRAD and powerful antagonist.
Let's do it on the coats. It'll Character Changes: 7
be excellent.
BRAD plops down onto the bed of coats and Veronica experiences a subtle change
begins bouncing. in her perspective and begins to
question her loyalty to her friends.
VERONICA However, the scene could further
I have a little prepared speech I explore her character development.
give when my suitor wants more Internal Goal: 0

than I'd like to give him....
Gee Blank, I had a nice.... External Goal: 0
BRAD
Save the speeches for Malcom X.
I just wanna get laid.
VERONICA Scene Elements
You don't deserve my fucking speech! Conflict Level: 8
VERONICA yanks up her coat from beneath The conflict between Veronica and
BRAD on the bed Heather Chandler is intense and sets
causing him to slide off onto the floor. the stage for further conflicts in the
story. The scene also hints at the
32 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 32 larger conflict between Veronica and
the social hierarchy of her high school.
VERONICA storms into the hallway but slows
down when she sees Opposition: 0
she's attracting attention. She notices an
incited BRAD High Stakes: 8
slither to the smiling DAVID who chats with
some STUDENTS, The stakes are high for Veronica as
HEATHER CHANDLER on his arm. she rebels against the social hierarchy
BRAD causes DAVID's smile to ever-so- and risks losing her friends. The
slightly diminish. DAVID confrontation with Heather Chandler
whispers to HEATHER CHANDLER who raises the stakes even further.
proceeds to set down her beer
and walk toward VERONICA. Story Forward: 9
33 EXT. DORMITORY ALLEY -- NIGHT 33 The scene moves the story forward by
establishing the central conflict and
The fire in the trashcan is raging. setting up future conflicts. It also
deepens the audience's understanding
34 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 34 of Veronica's character.
A steel faced HEATHER CHANDLER comes Unpredictability: 0
face-to-face with
VERONICA. Philosophical Conflict: 0
HEATHER CHANDLER
What's your damage? Brad says
you're being a real cooze.
VERONICA Audience Engagement

Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going Emotional Impact: 7
to throw up. Can we jam, please?
The scene elicits a range of emotions,
HEATHER CHANDLER from Veronica's internal struggle to the
No. Hell no. confrontation with Heather Chandler.
However, there are moments that
VERONICA'S eyes fall shut in a near-faint. She could be further developed to enhance
flings herself the emotional impact.
down off-screen with some ugly wretching
sounds. Dialogue: 9
35 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 35 The dialogue in the scene is sharp,
witty, and filled with sarcasm. It
VERONICA savagely scrawls in her diary, tears effectively conveys the characters'
burning fierce. personalities and motivations, adding
depth to the scene.
VERONICA (V.O.) Engagement: 0
Betty Finn was a true friend and I
sold her out for a bunch of Swatchdogs
and Diet Cokeheads. Killing Heather'd Pacing: 0
be like offing the Wicked Witch of the
West. Or is it East? WEST! I sound
like a psycho. Tomorrow I'll be kissing
her aerobicized ass but tonight let me
dream of a world without Heather. A Technical Aspect
world where I am free. Formatting: 0
36 INT. DORM HALLWAY -- NIGHT 36
Structure: 0
VERONICA rises into view with tinges of vomit
on her mouth. A
smile breaks across HEATHER CHANDLER's
granite puss. VERONICA
runs off as STUDENTS laugh in the
background. Critique
The scene starts with Veronica
37 EXT. DORMITORY ALLEY -- NIGHT 37 rampaging through her diary, but it's
not clear why she is so upset or what
VERONICA charges into the alley. She whips specifically she plans to do to stop
around to face a Heather. This lack of clarity makes it
screeching HEATHER CHANDLER. In back of difficult for the audience to fully
VERONICA, the trashcan understand Veronica's motivations and

bellows like Mt. Vesuvius. goals.
The transition from Veronica ranting in
HEATHER CHANDLER her diary to her pouring vodka and
You stupid cunt! setting it on fire feels abrupt and
disjointed. There needs to be a
VERONICA smoother transition or a clearer
You goddamn bitch! connection between these actions.
The flickering flames cast HEATHER The fire in the alley is a significant
CHANDLER in a demonic visual element, but it's not clear how it
light. relates to Veronica's desire to stop
Heather. The fire feels random and
HEATHER CHANDLER disconnected from the rest of the
You were nothing before you met me! scene.
You were playing Barbies with Betty Heather Chandler's confrontation with
Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a Veronica in the dorm hallway lacks
Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout tension and intensity. The dialogue
Cookie! I got you into a Remington between them feels somewhat forced
Party! What's my thanks? It's on the and the insults exchanged don't have a
hallway carpet. I get paid in puke! strong impact.
Veronica's rejection of Brad's advances
VERONICA feels somewhat out of place and
Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up. doesn't have a clear purpose in the
scene. It could be better integrated
HEATHER CHANDLER into the overall narrative or removed
(totally in control) altogether.
Monday morning, you're history. I'll The dialogue between Veronica and
tell everyone about tonight. Transfer J.D. at the end of the scene feels
to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. rushed and lacks depth. It would
No one at Westerburg's going to let benefit from more meaningful and
you play their reindeer games. revealing conversation between the
two characters.
38 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 38
VERONICA flings her diary across the room
where it hits the Suggestions
wall behind the stunning figure of J.D. Provide more context and clarity for
VERONICA gasps. Veronica's motivations and goals in
stopping Heather. This could be
J.D. achieved through additional dialogue
Dreadful etiquette. I apologize. or inner monologue.
Create a stronger connection between
VERONICA Veronica's rant in her diary and her
(exhaling deeply) actions with the vodka and fire. This

S'okay.... could be done by showing her
frustration and anger building up to the
J.D. point where she takes these actions.
I saw the croquet set-up in the back. Establish a clearer link between the fire
Up for a match? in the alley and Veronica's desire to
stop Heather. This could be achieved
VERONICA is simultaneously dismayed and through visual cues or dialogue that
exhilarated. She seems connects the two elements.
ready to burst out all her anxieties but Revise the confrontation between
instead.... Heather Chandler and Veronica to
make it more intense and impactful.
VERONICA This could involve rewriting the
Sure. But I'm Blue. dialogue to be more cutting and
emotionally charged.
Consider the purpose and relevance of
Brad's advances towards Veronica in
the scene. If it doesn't serve a clear
narrative or character development
purpose, it may be better to remove or
revise this element.
Expand and deepen the dialogue
between Veronica and J.D. at the end
of the scene to provide more insight
into their characters and their
connection. This could involve
exploring their motivations, fears, or
shared experiences.
Scene 8 - Late Night Croquet and Confessions

39 EXT. THE SAWYER BACKYARD -- LATE Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
NIGHT 39
The viewer's viewpoint glides through the
grass of Veronica's Summary
backyard uncovering combinations of wickets Veronica and J.D. share a vulnerable
and articles of moment after playing strip croquet in
clothing. A pair of girls shoes and a pair of Veronica's backyard. They discuss their
guys shoes rest dissatisfaction with their lives and
together by the first wicket. Veronica's desire to see Heather Chandler
suffer. The scene also shows Heather
J.D. (V.O.) Chandler's rebellious attitude towards her
Goddamn, no wonder you looked so mother.
mangled when I came through the window.
Feminine socks and masculine socks lay "The scene "The scene could
crumpled by the next wicket. effectively benefit from
VERONICA (V.O.) combines humor further exploration
I've always treated Heather's teen and introspection, of the emotional
queen power plays as bullshit..... provides insight depth and
into the consequences of
As VERONICA quiveringly pauses, a stylish characters' the characters'
blouse and a rugged motivations and desires for
shirt are revealed mingling by another wicket. desires, and sets change."
up conflicts and
VERONICA (V.O.) tensions that will
But I'm really scared. Who am I going drive the story
to eat lunch with on Monday? I sound forward."
like an Afterschool Special.
The viewer's viewpoint moves to a dress and Ratings
a pair of jeans
resting side by side at another wicket. Overall
J.D. (V.O.) Overall: 8
That was my first game of Strip
Croquet, you know. I thank you. The scene effectively combines humor
and introspection, providing insight
VERONICA (V.O.) into the characters' motivations and
You're welcome. It's a lot more desires. The dialogue is witty and
interesting than just flinging engaging, and the scene sets up
off your clothes and boning away conflicts and tensions that will drive
on the neighbor's swing set. the story forward.
VERONICA'S blue mallet has been staked into
the ground. Her
panties hang on one end, J.D.'s underwear Story Content
hangs on the other. Concept: 7
J.D. (O.S.)
Well, I don't know. There's The concept of playing strip croquet

something to be said for...Ouch! adds a unique and playful element to
the scene, highlighting the characters'
VERONICA and J.D. are finally revealed, rebellious nature and their desire for
entangled in an artful freedom.
pose upon J.D.'s gunslinger coat. They Plot: 8
warmly kiss. VERONICA
breaks off to uneasily giggle.
The scene advances the plot by
VERONICA deepening the relationship between
What a night. Veronica and J.D., setting up conflicts
with Heather Chandler, and
J.D. gently bites in to VERONICA's neck. foreshadowing future events.
VERONICA grooves on Originality: 0
it, closing her eyes tightly.
VERONICA
What a life. I almost moved into high
school out of sixth grade because I
was some genius. We all decided to
chuck the idea because I'd have Characters: 9
trouble making friends, blah-blah-blah.
The scene provides insight into
VERONICA slides her head down against Veronica and J.D.'s personalities,
J.D.'s chest and desires, and conflicts. Their chemistry
gracefully rests on his lap. Gently fighting and vulnerability make them
slumber, she compelling characters.
murmurs up to J.D., who showers her face Character Changes: 7
with slow kisses.
VERONICA Veronica and J.D. both experience a
Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. I use shift in their perspectives and desires
my grand I.Q. to figure out what gloss during the scene. Veronica becomes
to wear and how to hit three keggers more disillusioned with her friends,
before curfew. Some genius. while J.D. reveals his darker side.
J.D. Internal Goal: 0
Heather Chandler is one bitch that
deserves to die.
External Goal: 0
VERONICA
Killing her won't solve anything.
J.D.
A well-timed lightning bolt through

her window and Monday morning, all Scene Elements
the other heathers, shit, everybody Conflict Level: 7
would be cast fucking adrift.
The conflict between Veronica and
VERONICA Heather Chandler, as well as the
Well then, I'll pray for rain. internal conflicts within Veronica and
J.D., create tension and drive the
J.D. scene forward.
See the condoms in the grass over
there. We killed tonight, Veronica. Opposition: 0
We murdered our baby.
VERONICA High Stakes: 6
Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky. While the stakes are not extremely
J.D. high in this scene, the conflicts and
Just saying it's not hard to end a life. tensions set up have the potential to
have significant consequences for the
VERONICA characters.
There's a big difference between Story Forward: 8
the most popular girl in the school
and dead sperm. The scene deepens the relationships
between the characters, sets up
They laugh. VERONICA maneuvers herself conflicts, and foreshadows future
into a sitting position. events, moving the story forward.
J.D. Unpredictability: 0
I guess I don't know what the hell
I'm talking about. Philosophical Conflict: 0
VERONICA
I know exactly what the hell you're
talking about and you're right, you
don't know what the hell you're
talking about. Let's just grow up,
Audience Engagement
be adults, and die. Emotional Impact: 7
J.D. The scene evokes a mix of emotions,
Good plan. including humor, reflection, and
anticipation. The characters'
VERONICA vulnerability and desires for change
But before that, I'd like to see resonate with the audience.
Heather Chandler puke her guts out. Dialogue: 9

40 INT. HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM -- The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
DAY 40 reveals the characters' thoughts and
emotions. It effectively conveys their
HEATHER CHANDLER's bedroom is lushly desires for change and their rebellious
and expensively furnished attitudes.
with a glass coffee table as an eye-catching Engagement: 0
centerpiece.
HEATHER CHANDLER half-sleeps in twisted
bedsheets as MRS. Pacing: 0
CHANDLER'S VOICE attacks through the
door.
MRS. CHANDLER (O.S.)
We are leaving soon for your
grandmother's. If you care to join us... Technical Aspect
HEATHER CHANDLER Formatting: 0
Bag that.
MRS. CHANDLER (O.S.) Structure: 0
Is that a "No" in your lingo?
HEATHER CHANDLER gives the voice behind
the door "the finger." Critique
HEATHER CHANDLER The scene starts with a visual
Lingo this. description of the viewer's viewpoint
gliding through the grass, uncovering
combinations of wickets and articles of
clothing. While this can be an
interesting visual, it may be more
effective to focus on the characters
and their actions rather than the
setting.
J.D. is flirty and playful, but it lacks
depth and substance. It would be
beneficial to explore their characters
and motivations more in this scene.
The transition to Heather Chandler's
bedroom feels abrupt and
disconnected from the previous scene.
It would be helpful to establish a

stronger connection or transition
between the two locations.
The dialogue between Heather
Chandler and her mother feels forced
and lacks authenticity. It would be
more effective to develop their
relationship and dynamics in a more
nuanced way.
The scene ends with Heather Chandler
giving her mother 'the finger,' which
feels out of character and inconsistent
with her previous behavior. It would be
more impactful to find a more fitting
and meaningful way for her to express
her defiance and rebellion.
Suggestions
Consider focusing more on the
characters and their emotions rather
than the visual descriptions of the
setting.
Develop the dialogue between
Veronica and J.D. to reveal more about
their personalities, motivations, and the
complexities of their relationship.
Create a smoother transition between
the backyard scene and Heather
Chandler's bedroom to maintain a
cohesive narrative flow.
Revisit the dialogue between Heather
Chandler and her mother to make it
more authentic and reflective of their
relationship.
Find a more fitting and meaningful way
for Heather Chandler to express her
defiance and rebellion towards her
mother.
Scene 9 - Toxic Concoction

41 INT. THE CHANDLER KITCHEN -- DAY 41 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard
moments before
VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door. Summary
Veronica and J.D. plan to make Heather
VERONICA Chandler sick by creating a toxic hangover
(quietly) cure. They debate the ingredients and
Trust me. She skips the Saturday settle on a blue liquid. Veronica expresses
morning trip to Grandma's even her doubts, but J.D. convinces her to go
when she's not hungover. along with the plan. They prepare the
concoction and Veronica reluctantly pours
J.D. milk and orange juice into a cup. J.D.
Then let's just concoct ourselves a apologizes for his behavior and they share
little hangover cure that'll induce a tender moment. The scene ends with
her to spew red, white, and blue. Veronica holding the cup, unsure of what
she's about to do.
VERONICA opens the refrigerator. J.D. opens
the cupboard Strengths Weaknesses
beneath the sink. Sharp and Lack of strong
witty dialogue emotional
VERONICA Exploration of impact
What about orange juice and milk? toxic social Limited
What's the upchuck factor on that? hierarchy character
Vulnerable changes
J.D. holds up a bottle of cleaning fluid. moment
between
J.D. Veronica and
I'm a No Rust Build-up man, myself. J.D.
VERONICA
Don't be a dick. That stuff'll Ratings
kill her.
VERONICA and J.D. make queasy eye- Overall
contact. VERONICA descends Overall: 8
back into the refrigerator with some worked-
up enthusiasm as
J.D. suavely pours bits of various toxic The scene effectively captures the
containers dark and sarcastic tone of the film
(detergent, scouring powder) into a glass while exploring the theme of rebellion
beer mug. against toxic social dynamics. The
dialogue is sharp and witty, and the
VERONICA characters' actions reveal their inner
O-kay. We'll cook up some soup and put conflicts. However, the scene could
it in a Coke. Sick, eh? Now should it benefit from stronger emotional impact
be Chicken-Noodle or Bean-with-Bacon? and more significant character
J.D. changes.
Man Veronica, pull the plug on that
shit. I say we go with Big Blue.
J.D. raises the glass filled with what is now a Story Content
strange blue Concept: 7
liquid. VERONICA stares at the glass, scared
by her own The concept of creating a toxic
thoughts. hangover cure to make Heather
VERONICA Chandler sick is unique and adds an
What are you DOING? You just element of dark humor to the scene. It
can't go.....Besides, she'd never also serves as a catalyst for Veronica's
drink anything that looks like that. internal conflict and her growing
connection with J.D.
J.D. Plot: 7
Okay we'll use this. She won't be
able to tell what she's drinking. The plot of the scene revolves around
Veronica and J.D.'s plan to make
J.D. pulls down a ceramic cup and Heather Chandler sick. It effectively
triumphantly pours the showcases Veronica's disillusionment
poisonously blue beer glass contents into it. with her friends and her desire to
An eerie pause break free from the toxic social
ensues. VERONICA takes out a milk carton hierarchy. The conflict between
and a container of Veronica and Heather Chandler sets
orange juice. She struts back to the counter in the stage for future conflicts.
anger, icily
muttering. Originality: 0
VERONICA
Just give me a cup, jerk.
J.D. sheepishly pulls down an identical
ceramic cup. VERONICA
tears it from him and pours some milk and

then some orange Character Development
juice into the cup. Characters: 8
VERONICA The characters in the scene,
Milk and orange juice. Hmmmm. Maybe particularly Veronica and J.D., are well-
we could cough a phlegm globber in developed and their personalities shine
it or something. through their dialogue and actions.
Veronica's disillusionment and J.D.'s
J.D. rebellious nature are effectively
Yeah, great. portrayed. Heather Chandler's
rebellious attitude towards her mother
They both start coughing harshly. adds depth to her character.
VERONICA Character Changes: 6
No luck? Well, milk and orange juice'll
do quite nicely. Quite nicely. Veronica experiences a slight
character change as she becomes
J.D. more disillusioned with her friends and
Chick-en. more willing to rebel against the toxic
social hierarchy. J.D.'s character
VERONICA remains consistent in his rebellious
You're not funny. nature.
J.D. turns on his heel and slinks away. Internal Goal: 0
VERONICA glares down
at the mess of toxic containers. External Goal: 0
With both arms, VERONICA clumps the toxic
containers together
and drops beneath the sink to put them away.
J.D. swaggers Scene Elements
back into the kitchen as VERONICA bobs Conflict Level: 7
back into view.
J.D. The conflict in the scene is primarily
I'm sorry. internal, as Veronica grapples with her
J.D. kisses the back of her neck. VERONICA desire to break free from her toxic
closes her eyes friends and her fear of the
with a grudging smile. consequences. The confrontation
between Veronica and Heather
VERONICA Chandler adds an external conflict that
Bonehead. sets the stage for future conflicts.
Opposition: 0
VERONICA dreamily reaches out to one of the
two ceramic cups. High Stakes: 6
Not the one with milk and orange juice in it.
The stakes in the scene are relatively
low, as the consequences of the toxic
concoction plan are uncertain.
However, it sets the stage for higher
stakes and conflicts in the future.
Story Forward: 8
The scene moves the story forward by
deepening Veronica and J.D.'s
connection, setting up future conflicts,
and showcasing Veronica's growing
disillusionment with her friends. It also
introduces the toxic concoction plot
point.
Unpredictability: 0
Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 6
The scene has some emotional impact,
particularly in the vulnerable moment
between Veronica and J.D. However, it
could benefit from stronger emotional
depth and resonance.
Dialogue: 9
The dialogue in the scene is sharp,
witty, and reflective of the dark and
sarcastic tone of the film. It effectively
conveys the characters' emotions,
conflicts, and motivations. The banter

between Veronica and J.D. showcases
their growing connection.
Engagement: 0
Pacing: 0
Technical Aspect
Formatting: 0
Structure: 0
Critique
The scene lacks clear objectives for
the characters. It is not clear what
Veronica and J.D. are trying to achieve
by concocting a hangover cure for
Heather Chandler.
The dialogue feels forced and
unnatural at times. Some lines, like
'Trust me. She skips the Saturday
morning trip to Grandma's even when
she's not hungover,' feel contrived and
don't flow naturally.
The conflict between Veronica and J.D.
over the choice of ingredients for the
hangover cure is not well-developed. It
feels like a minor disagreement that is
quickly resolved.
unclear. It starts off with a darkly
comedic tone, but then shifts to a more
romantic tone when J.D. kisses
Veronica's neck.
The visual elements in the scene, such

as the toxic containers and the ceramic
cups, are not effectively utilized to
enhance the storytelling.
The scene lacks a clear resolution. It
ends abruptly with Veronica reaching
for one of the ceramic cups, but it is
not clear what her intention is.
Suggestions
Establish clear objectives for Veronica
and J.D. in this scene. What are they
trying to achieve by concocting a
hangover cure for Heather Chandler?
This will give the scene a stronger
sense of purpose.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more
natural and conversational. Avoid lines
that feel contrived or forced. Focus on
creating authentic and believable
dialogue for the characters.
Develop the conflict between Veronica
and J.D. over the choice of ingredients
for the hangover cure. Make it a more
significant disagreement that adds
tension and complexity to their
relationship.
Clarify the emotional tone of the scene.
Decide whether it should be darkly
comedic or romantic, and ensure that
the tone remains consistent
throughout.
Utilize the visual elements in the scene
to enhance the storytelling. Show the
audience the toxic containers and the
ceramic cups in a way that adds depth
and meaning to the scene.
Provide a clear resolution to the scene.
Show Veronica's intention when she
reaches for one of the ceramic cups,
and give the audience a sense of
closure or anticipation for what will

happen next.
Scene 10 - The Hangover Cure

42 INT. HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM -- Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]
DAY 42
HEATHER CHANDLER angelically sleeps as
VERONICA and J.D. Summary
enter. Veronica and J.D. accidentally kill Heather
Chandler with a toxic hangover cure. They
VERONICA panic and try to cover it up by staging it as
Morning, Heather. a suicide. The school holds a conference to
discuss the tragedy.
Like a lion, HEATHER CHANDLER rouses
herself up. Strengths Weaknesses
Effective Some
HEATHER CHANDLER blend of dark dialogue
Veronica. And Jesse James. Quelle humor and could be
surprise. Hear about Veronica's drama further refined
affection for regurgitation? Strong
character
VERONICA development
We both said a lot of things we Compelling
didn't mean, last night. plot twists
HEATHER CHANDLER
Did we? How the hell'd you get in here? Ratings
J.D.
Veronica knew you'd have a hangover. Overall
So I whipped this up. Family recipe. Overall: 9
J.D. holds out the ceramic cup. HEATHER The scene effectively combines dark
CHANDLER snorts. humor with a serious and shocking
HEATHER CHANDLER
Did you put a phlegm globber in it event, creating a compelling and

or something? I'm not drinking that piss. memorable moment in the story.
J.D.
I knew this stuff would be too intense.
Story Content
HEATHER CHANDLER Concept: 8
Intense? Grow up. You think I'll drink
it just because you call me CHICKEN. The concept of accidentally killing
They do. They're right. someone and trying to cover it up is
intriguing and adds tension to the
HEATHER CHANDLER story.
Just give me the cup, jerk. Plot: 9
HEATHER CHANDLER rises from the bed and The plot takes a dramatic turn with the
struts to J.D. in accidental death of Heather Chandler,
anger. She takes the cup, slams her head leading to a series of events that will
back and downs it have significant consequences for the
all. characters.
She then launches her head forward, her
face contorted in Originality: 0
agony.
HEATHER CHANDLER
Corn nuts! Character Development
HEATHER CHANDLER'S eyes slam shut and Characters: 9
her limp body crashes
through the glass coffee table. VERONICA The characters are well-developed and
and J.D. freeze. their actions and dialogue reflect their
J.D.
Something tells me you picked up Character Changes: 8
the wrong cup.
Veronica experiences a significant
VERONICA change as she realizes the
No shit, sherlock. I can't believe consequences of her actions and the
it. I just killed my best friend. need to take responsibility.
J.D. Internal Goal: 0
And your worst enemy.
VERONICA External Goal: 0

Same difference. Oh jesus, I'm gonna...
VERONICA staggers to a desk. J.D. laughs out
of shock.
Scene Elements
J.D. Conflict Level: 9
What are we going to tell the cops?
"Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge." The conflict between Veronica, J.D.,
VERONICA and Heather Chandler escalates with
Stop kidding around. The police....oh the accidental death, creating high
no, oh God....I can't believe this is stakes and tension.
my life..I'm going to have to send my Opposition: 0
S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead
of Stanford.
High Stakes: 9
J.D.
I'm just a little freaked, all right? The accidental death of Heather
(a beat) Chandler raises the stakes for the
You got what you wanted, you know. characters and sets the stage for
further conflicts and consequences.
VERONICA Story Forward: 9
Don't say that! It's one thing to
want somebody out of your life. It's The scene moves the story forward by
another thing to serve them a wake-up introducing a major conflict and setting
cup of Liquid Drainer....Don't say.... up the consequences that the
VERONICA stares off as J.D. paces like a characters will face.
caged animal. He Unpredictability: 0
scopes onto the rubble of the shattered
coffee table and sees
Cliff Notes for The Bell Jar plus a magazine Philosophical Conflict: 0
proclaiming
"THE FALL OF THE AMERICAN TEEN" under
HEATHER CHANDLER's body.
J.D. Audience Engagement
We did a murder. In Ohio, that's a crime. Emotional Impact: 8
But if this was like a suicide thing.....
The scene evokes a mix of shock,
VERONICA humor, and unease, leaving a lasting
Like a suicide thing? emotional impact on the audience.
J.D. Dialogue: 8
Adolescence is a period of life
fraught with anxiety and confusion. The dialogue is sharp and witty,
capturing the dark humor and satirical
VERONICA tone of the scene.
(calming down)
I can do Heather's handwriting as Engagement: 0
well as my own.
VERONICA takes some stationery from the Pacing: 0
desk and begins
writing, calling out her words.
VERONICA
"You might think what I've done is
Technical Aspect
shocking..." Formatting: 0
J.D. Structure: 0
"To me though, suicide is the
natural answer to the myriad
of problems life has given me."
VERONICA
That's good, but Heather would Critique
never use the word "myriad." The scene starts abruptly without any
transition or establishing shot, which
J.D. can be disorienting for the audience.
This is the last thing she'll ever The dialogue between Veronica and
write. She'll want to cash in on as J.D. feels forced and unnatural, lacking
many fifty-cent words as poss. depth and authenticity.
Heather Chandler's reaction to the
VERONICA hangover cure seems exaggerated and
She missed "myriad" on a vocab out of character, which undermines the
test two weeks ago, all right? credibility of the scene.
The sudden shift from comedic banter
J.D. to the realization of Heather's death
That only proves my point more. The word feels jarring and lacks a smooth
is a badge for her failures at school. transition.
VERONICA J.D. as they write the suicide note feels
You're probably right..."People think contrived and lacks emotional depth.
just because you're beautiful and The scene in the school conference
popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody room lacks tension and fails to
understood I had feelings too." effectively convey the gravity of

Heather's suicide.
J.D. The dialogue in the conference room
"I die knowing no one knew the real me." feels superficial and lacks nuance,
reducing the impact of the scene.
VERONICA The scene lacks visual descriptions
That's good. Have you done this before? and details, making it difficult for the
reader to visualize the setting and
VERONICA's smile dies as she looks to actions.
HEATHER CHANDLER'S corpse. The pacing of the scene feels uneven,
with abrupt shifts in tone and pacing
43 INT. SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM -- that disrupt the flow of the story.
DAY 43
At the head of a long conference table is the
bearlike Suggestions
PRINCIPAL GOWAN. Circling the table is the Consider adding a transition or
gray-haired but establishing shot at the beginning of
savvy MRS. POPE, the yuppie black counselor the scene to provide context and orient
PAUL HYDE, TWO the audience.
large DISCIPLINARIAN-TYPES, and most Work on developing more natural and
noticeably, the authentic dialogue between Veronica
eccentrically dressed MS. PAULINE FLEMING. and J.D., focusing on their individual
Coats are in chairs voices and motivations.
and cigarette smoke is in the air, as the group Reconsider Heather Chandler's
batters their reaction to the hangover cure, making
way through a morning mourning conference. it more consistent with her character
PRINCIPAL GOWAN and the tone of the scene.
Smooth out the transition from
Any other Principal would take the same comedic banter to the realization of
position. Keep things business as usual. Heather's death by gradually building
COUNSELOR HYDE tension and foreshadowing the tragic
event.
Heather Chandler's not your everyday Deepen the emotional depth of the
suicide. She was VERY popular. dialogue between Veronica and J.D. as
PRINCIPAL GOWAN they write the suicide note, exploring
Come on Paul, I let the kids go before their conflicting emotions and
motivations.
lunch and the switchboard'll light up Revise the scene in the school
like a Christmas Tree. conference room to create more
COUNSELOR HYDE tension and convey the gravity of
The parents will be sympathetic, sir. Heather's suicide, adding depth to the
These are troubled times for the young. dialogue and interactions between the
characters.
MRS. POPE Include more visual descriptions and
I must say I was impressed to see details to enhance the reader's
that she made proper use of the word understanding and visualization of the
"myriad" in her suicide note after scene.
brutalizing it in a vocabulary test. Refine the pacing of the scene by
ensuring smooth transitions between
PAULINE different tones and moments,
(dramatically cutting in) maintaining a consistent flow
I find it profoundly disturbing that throughout.
we are told of a tragic destruction
of youth and all we can talk about
is adequate mourning times and
misused vocabulary words.
A collective sigh goes across the room.
PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Oh Christ.
PAULINE
The school, meaning both students
and teachers, must revel in this
revealing moment. I suggest we get
everyone into the cafeteria and
just talk. And feel. Together.
PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me
when the shuttle lands...Now is
this Heather the cheerleader?
COUNSELOR HYDE
That would be Heather Mcnamara.
PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Damn. I'd be willing to go half a
day for a cheerleader.
MRS. POPE
Let's just pack it in an hour early.
PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Done. I hate Mondays.
Scene 11 - The Suicide Note

44 INT. PAULINE FLEMING'S CLASSROOM -- Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
DAY 44
The desks of the classroom have been
maneuvered into an Summary
amusingly chaotic position by PAULINE'S Veronica and her classmates discuss the
PUPILS. She is suicide of Heather Chandler, passing
furious. around her suicide note and sharing their
emotions. Veronica creates a narrative
PAULINE about Heather's unhappiness and desire to
I said a circle you imbeciles! Forget give up her power. The scene ends with
it! Just sit down. I'm just so THRILLED Veronica and the Heathers joking around in
to be given an example of everything the locker room.
I've taught you. That example is
Heather Chandler. I have the note! Strengths Weaknesses
"The scene "The scene could
PAULINE melodramatically lifts the suicide effectively benefit from a
note. The class AAAHS. combines humor stronger sense of
and satire with conflict and higher
MALE STUDENT deeper emotional stakes to increase
Awright! exploration. The tension."
dialogue is sharp
PAULINE and witty,
I'll pass the suicide note around revealing the
the room so you can feel its tragic characters'
beauty for yourself. Let us share personalities. The
together the feelings the suicide has social commentary
spurred in us all. Who wants to begin? on the toxic social
hierarchy is
FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JAKET thought-
I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked provoking."
down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing
disinfectant then she smashed....
Ratings
PAULINE
Now, now, we're not here to rehash

the coroner's report. Let's talk EMOTIONS. Overall
Overall: 8
ALL-OUT NERD
Are we going to be tested on this? The scene effectively combines humor
and satire with a deeper exploration of
A stunned PAULINE glares until preppie the characters' emotions and societal
PETER DAWSON speaks. pressures.
The note continues to be breathlessly passed
around.
PETER Story Content
Heather and I used to go together, Concept: 7
but she said I was boring. I realize
now I wasn't really boring. She was The concept of exploring the toxic
just dissatisfied with her life. social hierarchy and the characters'
PAULINE desire to break free is well-executed
That's very good Peter. and engaging.
Plot: 7
VERONICA lets out a laugh that she disguises
as a sob by The plot progresses as the characters
putting her hands over her face. discuss Heather's suicide and
PAULINE Veronica creates a narrative about her
Dear Veronica, Heather was your unhappiness.
soulmate.....Share.
Originality: 0
VERONICA
Heather was cool, but cruel. The good
looks and bad manners gave her power,
but it could not give her happiness. Character Development
The class stares to VERONICA as the suicide Characters: 8
note is passed to
her. She acknowledges it in horror, passes it The characters are well-developed and
on, then their emotions and conflicts are
continues, realizing her ability to create truths effectively portrayed.
for a
captive audience. Character Changes: 6
VERONICA Veronica experiences a slight change
She realized the only way she could in her perspective as she creates a
be happy was to give up her power and
the only way she could do that was Death. narrative about Heather's
unhappiness.
PAULINE cries. The PUPILS applaud. Internal Goal: 0
VERONICA queasily smiles.
45 INT. THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM -- DAY 45 External Goal: 0
The GIRLS are finishing up putting on their
clothes.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Oh God, it's so unfair. It's just so
Scene Elements
UNFAIR! We should get a whole week Conflict Level: 6
off not just an hour.
There is a mild conflict between
HEATHER DUKE Veronica's internal conflict and her
Write the School Board. desire to break free from the toxic
social hierarchy.
HEATHER DUKE gnaws on a chicken leg as Opposition: 0
she speaks.
Watch it, Heather. You could actually
be digesting food. The stakes are relatively low in this
scene, focusing more on character
HEATHER MCNAMARA development and social commentary.
Yeah, where's your urge to purge?
Story Forward: 7
HEATHER DUKE
(belching) The scene provides insight into the
Fuck it. characters' emotions and sets up the
ongoing conflict between Veronica and
HEATHER MCNAMARA pulls a Swatch from the Heathers.
one of the lockers. Unpredictability: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Look, heather left behind one of her Philosophical Conflict: 0
Swatches. She'd want you to have it,
Veronica. She always said you couldn't
accessorize for shit.
HEATHER MCNAMARA tosses the watch to a
spooked VERONICA who
stands up and solemnly puts it on. The

FEMALE STONER IN ARMY Audience Engagement
JACKET stops next to their bench. Emotional Impact: 7
FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET
I'm sorry about your friend. I thought The scene evokes a mix of emotions,
she was your usual airhead bitch. including amusement, cynicism, and a
Guess I was wrong. Lot of us were. sense of societal critique.
HEATHER DUKE bobs up from the world's Dialogue: 9
largest sno-cone.
The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
HEATHER DUKE reveals the characters' personalities
What a waste. and emotions.
VERONICA zombiesquely moves into the Engagement: 0
shower area.
Pacing: 0
HEATHER DUKE (V.O.)
Oh the Humanity.
46 INT. THE SHOWER -- DAY 46
Technical Aspect
VERONICA turns on a shower and lets the Formatting: 0
water spray against
her clothes.
Structure: 0
47 INT. THE LOCKER ROOM -- DAY 47
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Veronica, what are you doing?
SQUEALING GIRL (O.S.) Critique
Everyone in the shower! The scene starts off with an amusingly
chaotic classroom setup, but it's not
TWO GIGGLING GIRLS run into the shower clear why the desks are arranged this
fully clothed. THREE way or how it relates to the story.
OTHERS follow suit. The HEATHERS look to The introduction of the suicide note
each other, laugh, feels melodramatic and lacks subtlety.
and run in. It would be more effective to show the
impact of Heather Chandler's suicide
48 INT. THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM through the reactions and emotions of
OFFICE -- DAY 48 the characters.
Heavy Metalers MATT, CLYDE, and STEVE The dialogue in the classroom lacks
plus Geek RODNEY sneak depth and authenticity. It feels forced
into a darkened room. Girls' laughter drifts in. and doesn't reveal much about the
characters or their relationships.
MATT Veronica's laugh disguised as a sob
Do I deliver or do I deliver? feels out of place and doesn't fit with
the emotional tone of the scene.
RODNEY The transition to the locker room is
Hurry up, we're going to get caught. abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly. It
would benefit from a clearer
MATT connection between the classroom
Mellow out Geek. Man, I never scene and the locker room scene.
should have brought you. The dialogue in the locker room lacks
depth and substance. It mostly
CLYDE consists of superficial banter and
Let's see some PUSSY! doesn't contribute much to the overall
story.
MATT pulls a curtain revealing a semi- The introduction of the Swatch as a
overhead view of the symbol feels forced and contrived. It
showering and clothed GIRLS. would be more effective to find a more
organic way to convey Heather
49 INT. THE SHOWER -- DAY 49 Chandler's presence and influence.
The scene in the girls' coach's locker
The GIRLS splash and spin in balletlike slow room office feels unnecessary and
motion. VERONICA adds little to the story. It could be
stands facing the viewer, the Swatch removed to streamline the narrative.
noticeably attached. The reveal of the boys watching the
50 INT. THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER girls shower feels voyeuristic and
ROOM OFFICE -- DAY 50 inappropriate. It doesn't add anything
meaningful to the scene and could be
Cautiously quiet pandemonium. replaced with a more relevant conflict
or interaction.
MATT The ending of the scene with Veronica
Does this have something to do with dropping the Swatch in the trashcan
menstrual cramps and shit? lacks impact and significance. It
doesn't leave a lasting impression or
CLYDE create anticipation for what's to come.
(dazed)
What the fuck?
RODNEY Suggestions
We're on Candid Camera, dudes. I Consider rethinking the classroom
can feel it. setup to make it more meaningful and
relevant to the story. It should reflect

CLYDE the characters' emotions and
What the fuck? relationships.
Instead of melodramatically presenting
51 EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL -- DAY 51 the suicide note, focus on the
characters' reactions and emotions to
Pulling their coats over their wet clothes, convey the impact of Heather
VERONICA and the Chandler's death.
HEATHERS come out of the school. Revise the dialogue in the classroom to
make it more authentic and revealing of
HEATHER MCNAMARA the characters' personalities and
That was seriously warped, Veronica. conflicts.
Remove Veronica's laugh disguised as
VERONICA a sob, as it feels out of place and
Uh-huh. disrupts the emotional tone of the
scene.
HEATHER DUKE Improve the transition between the
T.V. cameras! classroom and the locker room to
create a smoother flow and connection
In the distance, a T.V. CAMERA CREW is between the two scenes.
interviewing STUDENTS. Develop more meaningful and
HEATHER DUKE dashes toward them. substantial dialogue in the locker room
HEATHER MCNAMARA freezes. to deepen the characters' relationships
and explore their emotions.
HEATHER MCNAMARA Find a more organic way to convey
Oh God, Veronica. My hair! My clothes! Heather Chandler's presence and
influence without relying on contrived
HEATHER MCNAMARA moans, vibrates, then symbols like the Swatch.
suddenly races toward Consider removing the scene in the
the cameras. VERONICA looks down at the girls' coach's locker room office to
soaked, stopped Swatch streamline the narrative and focus on
on her arm. She takes it off and drops it in a more relevant conflicts and
neaby trashcan. interactions.
Replace the voyeuristic and
inappropriate element of the boys
watching the girls shower with a more
relevant and meaningful conflict or
interaction.
Revise the ending of the scene to
create a stronger impact and leave a
lasting impression on the audience.
Scene 12 - The Funeral

52 INT. THE DEAN LIVING ROOM -- LATE Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
AFTERNOON 52
A massive T.V. set shows the image of
HEATHER DUKE posed by a Summary
tree, talking into a microphone. Veronica and J.D. attend Heather
Chandler's funeral and interact with their
HEATHER DUKE (T.V.) parents. They discuss the aftermath of
I choose to remember the good times. Heather's suicide and prepare for the
Like when we got our ears pierced funeral. The scene showcases the dark
at the mall. humor and cynicism of the characters.
The image of HEATHER MCNAMARA sitting in Strengths Weaknesses
the grass talking "The scene "The scene could
into a microphone supersedes HEATHER effectively benefit from
DUKE's. balances humor further exploration
and drama, has of the theme and
HEATHER MCNAMARA (T.V.) sharp and witty deeper character
I can still hear those late night dialogue, and development."
talks on the phone. explores the
The image of PETER DAWSON sitting on a characters'
rock comes on next. emotions and
relationships."
PETER (T.V.)
The day I won her that stuffed rhino
at the 4-H Fair, she said to me.... Ratings
VERONICA (O.S.)
You're an asshole! Mute him!
Overall
Overall: 8
VERONICA and J.D. are seen to be crashed
on a couch. J.D.
pushes a button on the remote control,
cutting the sound.
J.D.
Mute!
VERONICA The scene effectively balances humor

Next channel, darling. and drama, providing insight into the
characters' emotions and
The silent image of HEATHER DUKE on a relationships. The dialogue is sharp
staircase talking into a and witty, and the scene moves the
microphone is on the screen. story forward by setting up the funeral.
VERONICA (O.S.)
Heather, how many networks did
you run to! Story Content
Country Club Courtney appears wearing a T- Concept: 7
shirt reading BIGFUN. The concept of attending a funeral and
VERONICA takes the remote and turns the dealing with the aftermath of a suicide
sound on. is compelling and provides
VERONICA opportunities for character
Oh, I have to hear this. development and exploration of
themes.
COURTNEY (T.V.) Plot: 7
In my heart, Heather's still alive.
The plot progresses as the characters
VERONICA prepare for the funeral and discuss
(muting Courtney) their feelings about Heather's death.
What are you talking about? She The scene sets up future conflicts and
hated you! You hated her! developments.
(to J.D.)
What are you smiling at? Originality: 0
J.D.
Heather Chandler is more popular
than ever now. Character Development
VERONICA Characters: 9
Yeah. Scary stuff.
The characters are well-developed and
J.D. suddenly looks away from VERONICA their personalities shine through in
with a mischievous their interactions. Veronica is
half-smile. He inexplicably calls out. conflicted and sarcastic, while J.D. is
mischievous and manipulative. The
J.D. parents add depth to the scene with
Why son, I didn't hear you come in. their dysfunctional behavior.
J.D.'s father BIG BUD DEAN, stands before Character Changes: 6

them, handsome and
threatening in a shirt and tie. He is rather There is some character development
malevolently as Veronica and J.D. navigate their
holding a rowing machine. emotions and relationships in the
BIG BUD DEAN aftermath of Heather's suicide.
Hey Dad, how was work today? Internal Goal: 0
BIG BUD slams down his rowing machine and
straddles it before External Goal: 0
answering his own question. He rows as he
speaks. The Brady
Bunch sputters on the T.V. screen before him.
BIG BUD DEAN
It was miserable. Some damn tribe of
Scene Elements
withered old bitches doesn't want us Conflict Level: 6
to terminate that fleabag hotel. All
because Glenn Miller and his band once There is a moderate level of conflict in
took a shit there. It's just like the scene, primarily in the
Kansas. Do you remember fucking Kansas? dysfunctional relationships between
the characters and their parents. The
J.D. conflict sets up future tensions and
That was the one with wheat right? developments.
BIG BUD DEAN Opposition: 0
The Save the Memorial Oak Tree
Society. Showed those fucks. High Stakes: 6
J.D. turns to VERONICA with a bemused The stakes are moderate in the scene,
smile. as the characters navigate their
emotions and relationships in the
J.D. aftermath of Heather's suicide. The
Thirty Fourth of July fireworks funeral and its aftermath will have
attached to the trunk. Arraigned significant consequences for the
but Acquitted. characters.
BIG BUD DEAN Story Forward: 8
Fucking Kansas. Gosh Pop, I almost
forgot to introduce my girlfriend. The scene moves the story forward by
setting up the funeral and the conflicts
J.D. that will arise from it. It also deepens
Veronica, Dad. Dad, Veronica.
the characters' relationships and

VERONICA emotions.
Hello. Unpredictability: 0
VERONICA, with a forced smile, reaches to
shaked BUD's hand. Philosophical Conflict: 0
He extends his hand but makes no effort to
stop rowing
hence his hand pulls away from VERONICA.
Pop and son laugh.
J.D.
Audience Engagement
Jason, why don't you ask your Emotional Impact: 7
little friend to stay for dinner.
The scene evokes a bittersweet and
VERONICA melancholic emotional response. It
(awkwardly standing) explores the characters' grief and the
My Mom's making my favorite meal complicated emotions surrounding
tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano. Heather's death.
J.D. Dialogue: 9
Nice. The last time I saw my Mom, The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
she was waving out the window of a reveals the characters' personalities
library in Texas. Right, DAD? and emotions. It effectively conveys
BIG BUD DEAN stops rowing to grin a You- the dark humor and cynicism of the
Think-You're- scene.
Tougher-Than-Me-But-You're-Not smile to Engagement: 0
J.D.
BIG BUD DEAD
Right, SON. Pacing: 0
VERONICA
(weakly)
Right. Technical Aspect
53 EXT. THE SAWYER PATIO -- DUSK 53 Formatting: 0
Just as in the earlier patio scene, DAD and
MOM SAWYER are Structure: 0
seated at a patio table with an empty chair
between them. Pate
is on the table. DAD smokes a cigarette.
DAD Critique
Take a break Veronica, sit down. The scene starts with a series of TV
VERONICA walks into view and sits down. clips showing different characters
talking about Heather Chandler's
VERONICA death. While this montage serves the
All right. purpose of providing some background
information, it feels disjointed and
DAD lacks a clear narrative flow. The
So what was the first day after transitions between the different
Heather's suicide like? characters are abrupt and could be
smoother.
VERONICA The dialogue between Veronica and
I don't know, it was okay, I guess. J.D. during the TV show is somewhat
forced and lacks depth. It feels like
MOM they are just commenting on the TV
Terrible thing. So will we get to show without adding much substance
meet this dark horse prom contender? to the scene.
The introduction of Big Bud Dean feels
VERONICA rushed and doesn't have a clear
MayBE. purpose. His interaction with J.D. and
Veronica is awkward and doesn't
DAD contribute much to the overall story.
(looking at his cigarette) The transition from the living room
Goddamn. Will somebody please tell scene to the Sawyer patio scene is
me why I smoke these damn things? abrupt and could be smoother. It feels
like a sudden shift without a clear
VERONICA connection.
(smiling) The conversation between Veronica
Because you're an idiot. and her parents on the patio lacks
depth and feels superficial. It could
DAD benefit from more meaningful dialogue
Oh yeah, that's it. that explores their emotions and
reactions to Heather's death.
DAD immediately takes another drag with a The montage showing the Heathers
wide grin. preparing for the funeral is a bit
repetitive and could be condensed to
MOM maintain the pacing of the scene.
(shaking her head) The scene lacks a clear conflict or
You two.... tension, which makes it feel somewhat
stagnant and unengaging.
VERONICA The emotional tone of the scene is
inconsistent. While it is described as
Greate pate, but I'm going to have darkly comedic, the humor feels forced
to motor if I want to be ready for and doesn't always land effectively.
the funeral tomorrow. There are some missed opportunities
54 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM for visual storytelling and symbolism
-- DAY 54 that could enhance the scene and add
depth to the characters' emotions and
A montage commences showing the relationships.
HEATHERS preparing for the
funeral. HEATHER MCNAMARA models an all-
black outfit in front
of a dressing table mirror. She storms away, Suggestions
pouting. Consider restructuring the TV clips
55 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- DAY montage to create a more cohesive
narrative flow. Find a way to smoothly
55 transition between the different
characters' perspectives and make
Bobbing up from a fashion magazine whose their contributions more meaningful to
cover story is the overall story.
FUNERAL CHIC, HEATHER DUKE finishes Develop the dialogue between
applying black lipstick. A Veronica and J.D. during the TV show
look of horror passes over her face and she to delve deeper into their emotions and
savagely scrubs reactions to Heather's death. Use this
her lips. opportunity to explore their
relationship and add layers to their
56 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 56 characters.
A MORTICIAN puts the finishing touches on Reconsider the introduction of Big Bud
HEATHER CHANDLER, Dean and his interaction with J.D. and
Veronica. Make sure his presence
smoothing out her clothes and buffing her serves a clear purpose in advancing
face. He gently the plot or developing the characters.
kisses her forehead then quickly rebuffs the Work on smoother transitions between
spot. scenes to maintain a cohesive narrative
flow. Find ways to connect the different
57 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM - locations and characters more
- DAY 57 effectively.
HEATHER MCNAMARA models another black Revise the dialogue between Veronica
outfit. She responds and her parents on the patio to make it
more emotionally resonant. Explore
this time with a satisfied smile. their grief and reactions to Heather's
58 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- DAY death in a more authentic and
58 meaningful way.
Condense the montage showing the
Heathers preparing for the funeral to
Traditionally made up, a smiling HEATHER maintain the pacing of the scene.
DUKE brings a Focus on the most significant moments
crucifix earring to her ear and attaches it. that contribute to the characters'
development or the overall story.
Introduce a clear conflict or tension in
the scene to make it more engaging.
This could be a disagreement between
characters, a revelation, or a moment
of emotional intensity.
Refine the darkly comedic tone of the
scene to ensure that the humor feels
organic and serves a purpose in
enhancing the story or characters.
Look for opportunities to incorporate
visual storytelling and symbolism to
add depth to the scene. This could be
through the use of props, gestures, or
visual motifs that reflect the
characters' emotions or relationships.
Scene 13 - Funeral and Reflections

59 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 59 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
A59 A59
HEATHER CHANDLER serenely lies in a coffin
as FATHER RIPPER
bellows off-screen. A panorama of ADULTS Summary
and STUDENTS is Veronica and J.D. attend Heather
revealed at this more social than spiritual Chandler's funeral and interact with their
event. VERONICA parents. They discuss the aftermath of
and J.D. watch from the back pew. Heather's suicide and prepare for the
funeral. The scene showcases the dark
FATHER RIPPER (O.S.) humor and cynicism of the characters.
I blame not Heather but rather a
society that tells its youth that Strengths Weaknesses
the answers are on the MTV video "The scene "The scene could
games. We must pray the other effectively benefit from a
teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know combines dark stronger sense of
the name of that "righteous dude" humor, cynicism, conflict and higher
who can solve their problems.... and satire to stakes to increase
explore the tension."
The bald FATHER RIPPER finally comes into aftermath of a
view. suicide and the
characters'
FATHER RIPPER reactions. The
(cont'd) dialogue is sharp
It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book. and showcases
the characters'
B59 KNEELING PODIUM BEFORE COFFIN -- personalities."
LATER B59
BETTY FINN is kneeling before HEATHER Ratings
CHANDLER'S open coffin.
The viewer hears what she is thinking.
BETTY (V.O.)
Overall
May Heather Chandler rest in peace Overall: 9
even though she committed suicide.
For-the-kingdom-the-power-and-the- The scene effectively combines dark
glory-are-yours-now-and-forever-Amen. humor, cynicism, and satire to create a
compelling and thought-provoking
BETTY FINN makes the sign of the cross, moment in the story.
rises, and exits.
HEATHER MCNAMARA takes her place on the
kneeling podium. Story Content
HEATHER MCNAMARA (V.O.) Concept: 8
Oh God, this is a tragic thing and
sometimes I have a hard time dealing The concept of exploring the
with it and stuff. Please send Heather aftermath of a suicide and the
to heaven and all that. Thanks. I characters' reactions is intriguing and
mean, Amen. adds depth to the story.
HEATHER MCNAMARA exits and PETER Plot: 8
DAWSON moves in her place.
The plot progresses as the characters
PETER (V.O.) navigate the aftermath of Heather's
Dear God, make sure this never suicide and prepare for her funeral.
happens to me. I do not think I Originality: 0
could handle suicide and that's
the God's honest truth. Pardon
the pun. Fast-early-acceptance-
into-an-Ivy-League-school-and-
please-let-it-be-Harvard. Amen. Character Development
Characters: 9
PETER flees and RAM uncomfortably takes
his place. The characters' dark humor and
cynicism are well-developed and add
RAM (V.O.) depth to the scene.
Jesus God in heaven, uh, why did
you kill such hot snatch. That's Character Changes: 7
a joke, man. People are so serious.
(a beat) While there are no significant
Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, character changes in this scene, it
pray for us sinners....so we don't deepens our understanding of the
get caught. Another joke, man. characters' personalities and their
reactions to Heather's suicide.
RAM clumsily exits. HEATHER DUKE solemnly Internal Goal: 0
kneels in his place.
HEATHER DUKE (V.O.) External Goal: 0
I prayed for the death of Heather
Chandler many times and I felt bad
every time I did, but I kept doing
it anyway. Now I know you understood
everything. Praise Jesus. Alleluia. Scene Elements
HEATHER DUKE departs and VERONICA Conflict Level: 7
kneels in her place. There is a moderate level of conflict as
VERONICA (V.O.) the characters navigate their emotions
Hi. I'm sorry. Technically I didn't and the aftermath of Heather's suicide.
kill Heather Chandler but hey, who Opposition: 0
am I trying to kid, right? I just
want my high school to be a nice
place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy? High Stakes: 6
C59 CHURCH LOBBY C59
HEATHER MCNAMARA dips a big comb in the scene, focusing more on character
holy water basin and development and reflection.
then combs out her hair. VERONICA breezes Story Forward: 8
by.
HEATHER MCNAMARA The scene moves the story forward by
Veronica. What are you doing tonight? exploring the aftermath of Heather's
suicide and setting up the funeral.
VERONICA Unpredictability: 0
Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why?
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Ram asked me out, but he wants to
double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't
have a date.
Audience Engagement
VERONICA Emotional Impact: 7
HeaTHER, I've got something
going with J.D. The scene evokes a mix of emotions,
HEATHER MCNAMARA including dark humor, cynicism, and
Please Veronica. Put Billy the Kid on reflection.
hold tonight, I'll never forget it. Dialogue: 9
60 EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT -- DAY 60 The dialogue effectively showcases
the characters' dark humor and
KURT KELLY and RAM stand by RAM'S van. cynicism, adding depth and humor to
the scene.
KURT
We on tonight, man? Engagement: 0
RAM Pacing: 0
I still got to talk to Heather,
dude. Weird funeral, huh?
KURT
Pretty weird. Technical Aspect
Geeks RODNEY and BRACES thrust by KURT Formatting: 0
and RAM. BRACES
obliviously steps on KURT's foot. Structure: 0
KURT
That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.
RAM
Let's kick his ass. Critique
The scene starts off with Father
KURT Ripper's speech, which sets the tone
Cool off, we're seniors. for the somber and satirical
atmosphere of the funeral. However,

RAM the transition from the church lobby to
Goddamn Geek! the kneeling podium before the coffin
feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be
BRACES gives them "the finger". helpful to have a smoother transition to
maintain the flow of the scene.
BRACES The prayers of the various characters
(awkwardly defiant) provide insight into their thoughts and
Sit and spin. feelings about Heather Chandler's
KURT and RAM turn to each other more death. However, some of the prayers
amused than angered. come across as insensitive and
disrespectful, which may not align with
KURT the intended darkly comedic tone. It
That little prick. would be beneficial to revise these
prayers to strike a better balance
The bolting Jocks effortlessly catch BRACES between satire and sensitivity.
and put him into a The interaction between Veronica and
hunched-over position. The other Geeks look Heather McNamara in the church lobby
on, ashamed. feels rushed and lacks depth. It would
be beneficial to explore their emotions
KURT and reactions to Heather Chandler's
All right you piece of shit fag, death in more detail to add depth to
do you like to suck big dicks? their characters and enhance the
emotional impact of the scene.
BRACES The confrontation between Kurt, Ram,
Cut it out! and Braces in the parking lot feels
forced and lacks nuance. The dialogue
RAM pushes BRACES down harder. and actions of the characters come
across as stereotypical and cliché. It
KURT would be helpful to develop these
Say it man. Say I like to suck big dicks. characters more fully and add
complexity to their interactions.
RODNEY The scene ends with Veronica and
Leave him alone, Kurt. Heather McNamara walking away from
the church, but it is unclear where they
J.D. rides by on his motorcycle. He turns to are going or what their intentions are. It
watch KURT, would be beneficial to provide more
wearing an overwhelmingly tinted motorcycle clarity and closure to this scene.
helmet that reads
THE TRUE KILLER across the top. KURT is
spooked.
RAM (O.S.)
Say it!
Suggestions
BRACES Consider adding a transitional moment
Okay, okay, you like to suck big dicks. between the church lobby and the
Unamused, RAM throws BRACES to the kneeling podium to create a smoother
ground. BRACES semi-cries. flow.
Revise the prayers of the characters to
BRACES maintain the darkly comedic tone while
I like to suck big dicks. Mm-mm! being more sensitive and respectful.
I can't get enough of them. Satisfied? Expand on the interaction between
Veronica and Heather McNamara in the
KURT church lobby to delve deeper into their
I'm sure your friends are happy emotions and reactions.
to hear that. Develop the confrontation between
(with a lisp) Kurt, Ram, and Braces to avoid
Right, GUYS? stereotypical and cliché dialogue and
actions.
ANOTHER PLACE IN THE PARKING LOT Provide more clarity and closure to the
scene by indicating where Veronica
VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA and Heather McNamara are going and
sashay through the parking lot. what their intentions are.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Don't worry, Ram's been so sweet
lately, consoling me and stuff.
It'll be really very. Promise.
Moving into the background, BRACES wipes
dirt and blood off
his face as his friends glumly watch on.
VERONICA
All RIGHT, but I hope it isn't
going to be one of those nights where
they get shitfaced and take us to a
pasture to tip cows.
Scene 14 - Cow Tipping and Funeral Preparations

61 EXT. COW PASTURE -- NIGHT 61 Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]

A61 A61
A COW stands sleeping. Giggling and drunk,
KURT and RAM
scramble around the COW. Uncomfortable Summary
and sober, VERONICA and Veronica and J.D. engage in dark humor
HEATHER MCNAMARA look on. and cynicism as they attend Heather
Chandler's funeral and interact with their
KURT parents. They discuss the aftermath of
Is it sleeping, dude? Heather's suicide and prepare for the
funeral.
RAM
I think so, man. Strengths Weaknesses
"The scene "The scene lacks a
KURT effectively strong emotional
Then get over on my side. Oh shit, captures the dark impact and
cowtipping is the fucking greatest. humor and minimal character
cynicism of the change."
RAM characters,
Punch it in! providing insight
into their
KURT and RAM slam their knuckles and then perspectives."
lean against the
COW, poised to shove. HEATHER
MCNAMARA manages a smile but Ratings
VERONICA glares it away.
KURT
Overall
Count of three, guy. Overall: 8
KURT AND RAM The scene effectively captures the
One. Two. Three! dark and cynical tone of the story,
providing humor and insight into the
An O.S. Moo and the Jocks' laughter is heard characters' perspectives.
as mud splashes
against the mortified faces of VERONICA and
HEATHER MCNAMARA. Story Content
B61 DEEPER IN THE PASTURE -- LATER IN Concept: 7
THE NIGHT B61
KURT stumbles after a more annoyed than The concept of exploring the
aftermath of a suicide and the
scared VERONICA.
characters' reactions is intriguing and

KURT adds depth to the story.
"When I get that feeling, I need
sexual healing....." Plot: 7
VERONICA The plot progresses as Veronica and
Yeah, right, asshole. J.D. attend the funeral and discuss the
aftermath of Heather's suicide.
VERONICA makes her way up a hill, pausing Originality: 0
to compassionately
stare at RAM on top of a dispirited HEATHER
MCNAMARA. KURT's
intoxicated brain has trouble dealing with the
incline.
Majestically, J.D. appears at the top of the hill.
KURT Characters: 9
squints up the hill and falls over backwards.
The characters' dark humor and
J.D. cynicism are well-developed and add
What is this shit? depth to the scene.
I'm doing a favor for Heather. A double date. I
tried to tell you at the funeral but you rode off. There is minimal character change in
KURT this scene, as it primarily focuses on
(still face down) the characters' existing attitudes and
"Feel like making bah da dah bah da behaviors.
dah, feel like making love." Internal Goal: 0
J.D.
Another fucking Heather. External Goal: 0
(harshly laughs)
I'm sorry. I'm feeling kind of superior
tonight. Seven high schools in seven
states and the only thing different
was my locker combination. We've broke Scene Elements
through the peer pressure cooker. So Conflict Level: 6
what if we had to kill Miss Popularity..
There is some conflict between
VERONICA clumsily high heels it up the hill. Veronica and J.D. as they discuss the
aftermath of Heather's suicide, but it is
VERONICA not the central focus of the scene.
So what? Don't smile like that, Jesus!
Opposition: 0
J.D.
Our love is God. Let's get a Slurpee. High Stakes: 5
J.D. solemnly reaches toward VERONICA.
She, less solemn, The stakes are not particularly high in
takes his hand. Their bodies disappear over this scene, as it focuses more on
the hill. character development and dark
humor.
KURT Story Forward: 7
"And she's buying the stairway to heaven.."
62 INT. NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK showing the aftermath of Heather's
WORKSHOP -- DAY 62 suicide and the characters' reactions.
In a cluttered school workshop, Editor Unpredictability: 0
DENNIS and YEARBOOK GIRL
ALISON confer over a layout sheet. Alison Philosophical Conflict: 0
wears a walkman and
BIG FUN T-shirt. PETER DAWSON pouts
behind them.
DENNIS
I'm not belittling the Foodless Fund, Audience Engagement
Peter, but we're talking teen suicide! Emotional Impact: 5
Ask Alison here, the number one song
right now is "Teenage Suicide (Don't Do The scene lacks a strong emotional
It)" by BigFun. Jesus man, Westerburg impact, focusing more on dark humor
finally got one of these things and I'm and cynicism.
not going to blow it.
Dialogue: 8
PETER
Great. Heather gets the headline and I The dialogue effectively conveys the
get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon. dark humor and cynicism of the
characters, providing insight into their
VERONICA breezes in. perspectives.
VERONICA Engagement: 0
Hi Guys. I came to check on this
week's lunchtime poll topic. Pacing: 0
DENNIS
Don't worry about it, Veronica,
sit down. That funeral yesterday
must have been really rough. Technical Aspect

VERONICA Formatting: 0
Oh. Sure.
DENNIS Structure: 0
We were, uh, wondering if maybe you
had some poems or artwork that
Heather did that we could put in
the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?
VERONICA
Critique
The what? The scene starts off with Kurt and Ram
drunkenly cow tipping, which sets a
DENNIS tone of immaturity and recklessness.
Take a look. We'll have a two page However, the presence of Veronica and
layout with her suicide note up Heather McNamara watching
here in the right hand corner. It's uncomfortably adds a layer of tension
more tasteful than it sounds. and discomfort to the scene.
The dialogue between Kurt and Ram
Country Club COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S during the cow tipping is somewhat
FRIEND come in giggling repetitive and lacks depth. It could
and whispering. Seeing VERONICA, they stop benefit from more meaningful and
dead, then slide insightful exchanges that reveal their
into chairs, laughing softly. characters and motivations.
Veronica's glare at Kurt and Ram's
VERONICA actions shows her disapproval and sets
I don't know. This thing leaves a up her confrontation with Kurt later in
bad taste in my mouth. the scene. However, the transition to
the next part of the scene feels abrupt
COURTNEY and could be smoother.
Like last night, Veronica? Veronica's confrontation with Kurt
about the rumors he spread about her
COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND is a pivotal moment in the scene. It
explode in laughter. showcases her assertiveness and
willingness to stand up for herself.
VERONICA However, the dialogue between them
I'm sorry? I don't get it. could be more intense and emotionally
charged to heighten the tension.
COURTNEY The introduction of J.D. in the scene
You did last night. Kurt told us of adds an intriguing dynamic and
your little date. foreshadows his future involvement
with Veronica. However, his
appearance and interaction with Kurt
VERONICA could be more impactful and

Yeah. And? I left him drunk and memorable.
flailing in cowshit. The conversation between Veronica
and J.D. about their love being 'God'
COURTNEY and getting a Slurpee feels somewhat
I don't know. He was really detailed. out of place and disconnected from the
rest of the scene. It could be reworked
PETER to better align with the darkly comedic
Shut up, Courtney. tone and themes of the screenplay.
The transition to the next scene in the
VERONICA newspaper/yearbook workshop is
Don't shut up. I'd like to know just abrupt and could benefit from a
what I did. smoother transition or a clearer
PETER indication of the change in location and
(gesturing to the door) time.
Let me show you that lunchtime The dialogue between Dennis, Alison,
poll topic, Veronica. and Peter in the workshop provides
some context and sets up the
63 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE WORKSHOP -- yearbook spread about Heather
DAY 63 Chandler's suicide. However, the
conversation lacks depth and could be
PETER tells VERONICA. more engaging and insightful.
The introduction of Courtney and her
PETER friend mocking Veronica adds a layer
I RARELY listen to Neanderthals like of tension and conflict to the scene.
Kurt Kelly bu-ut he said you were However, their dialogue could be
bent over like a coffee table with sharper and more cutting to enhance
Kurt going in one end and Ram coming the impact of their mockery.
in the other. Pardon the pun. Veronica's reaction to Courtney's
mocking feels somewhat passive and
VERONICA could be more assertive and
(dazed) confrontational. It would add more
Pardon the pun. Son-of-a-BITCH. depth to her character and make the
scene more impactful.
Dizzy, VERONICA hands a clump of dollar bills The revelation of the rumors spread by
to PETER. Kurt and Peter's confirmation of them
adds a twist to the scene and raises
VERONICA the stakes for Veronica. However, the
Thanks Pete, for the Foodless Fund. dialogue between them could be more
intense and emotionally charged to
PETER cheerfully pockets the cash as heighten the tension.
VERONICA drifts off. Veronica's decision to agree to a
sexual encounter with Kurt and Ram is
64 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 64 a significant turning point in the scene.

However, the dialogue leading up to it
VERONICA arousingly speaks into her phone. could be more intense and emotionally
charged to reflect the gravity of the
VERONICA decision.
Hi, Kurt? This is Veronica Sawyer. I The transition to the next scene in
didn't expect to be calling either. I Veronica's bedroom is abrupt and
guess my emotions took over. I was could benefit from a smoother
wondering if you wanted all those transition or a clearer indication of the
things you've been saying to really change in location and time.
happen. It's always been a fantasy of Veronica's phone conversation with
mine to have two guys at once...... Kurt is meant to be seductive and
Sure, you can write Penthouse Forum. provocative. However, the dialogue
feels somewhat forced and could be
Revealed to be lounging on her bed, J.D. more natural and authentic.
laughs out loud. The reveal of J.D. listening to
VERONICA throws a book at him. Veronica's conversation adds an
element of surprise and intrigue.
VERONICA However, his laughter and Veronica's
That's right. In the woods behind the reaction could be more impactful and
school. At Dawn. And don't forget Ram. memorable.
The scene ends with Veronica throwing
65 INT. THE KELLY KITCHEN -- NIGHT 65 a book at J.D., which adds a touch of
humor and shows her frustration.
KURT hangs up with an amazed expression However, the moment could be more
on his face. comedic and memorable.
Overall, the scene has moments of
KURT tension, humor, and character
Women. development. However, it could benefit
from more depth in the dialogue,
smoother transitions between scenes,
and more impactful and memorable
moments.
Suggestions
Consider adding more meaningful and
insightful dialogue between Kurt and
Ram during the cow tipping scene to
reveal their characters and motivations.
Smooth out the transitions between
scenes to create a more cohesive flow.
Intensify the confrontation between

Veronica and Kurt to heighten the
tension and emotional impact.
Make J.D.'s introduction and
interaction with Kurt more impactful
and memorable.
Reevaluate the dialogue between
Veronica and J.D. to better align with
the darkly comedic tone and themes of
the screenplay.
Enhance the depth and engagement of
the conversation in the
newspaper/yearbook workshop to
provide more context and insight.
Sharpen the dialogue between
Courtney and her friend to make their
mockery more cutting and impactful.
Make Veronica's reaction to Courtney's
mocking more assertive and
confrontational to add depth to her
character.
Intensify the dialogue between Kurt,
Peter, and Veronica to heighten the
tension and emotional stakes.
Make the dialogue leading up to
Veronica's decision to agree to a
sexual encounter with Kurt and Ram
more intense and emotionally charged.
Smooth out the transitions between
scenes to create a more cohesive flow.
Refine the seductive and provocative
dialogue in Veronica's phone
conversation with Kurt to make it more
natural and authentic.
Make the reveal of J.D. listening to
Veronica's conversation and their
subsequent interaction more impactful
and memorable.
Add more comedic and memorable
moments to the scene, such as the
book-throwing moment at the end.
Scene 15 - Preparing for the Funeral

66 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 66 Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
VERONICA and J.D. load guns on VERONICA's
bed. VERONICA breaks
into a laugh. Summary
VERONICA Veronica and J.D. discuss their plan to fake
I don't get the point of me writing the deaths of Kurt and Ram, making them
a suicide note when we'll just be the laughingstock of the school. They
shooting them with blanks. prepare the necessary props and weapons,
showcasing their dark humor and cynicism.
J.D.
Get crucial. We won't be using Strengths Weaknesses
blanks this time. Sharp and Limited
witty dialogue emotional
VERONICA Engaging dark depth
You can't be serious? Hey listen, humor
my Bonnie-and-Clyde days are over. Well-
developed
VERONICA drops her gun in revulsion and characters
launches off her bed.
With a patient smile, J.D. pulls her back down.
J.D. Ratings
Do you take German?
Overall
VERONICA Overall: 8
French.
J.D. flicks open his gun and pulls a bullet from The scene effectively combines dark
the chamber. humor and cynicism, creating an
engaging and entertaining
J.D. atmosphere. The dialogue is witty and
These are Ich Luge bullets. My the characters' interactions are
grandfather snared a shitload of intriguing.
them in W.W. Two. They're like
tranquilizers only they break the
surface of the skin, enough to
cause blood, but not any real harm.
VERONICA Story Content

So it looks like the person's been Concept: 8
shot and killed when they're really
just unconscious and bleeding. The concept of faking deaths to
humiliate the bullies is unique and
J.D. nods then stands to pace the room, his adds an interesting twist to the story. It
mind whirring. keeps the audience engaged and
curious about the outcome.
J.D.
We shoot Kurt and Ram. Make it look Plot: 7
like they shot each other. By the time
Kurt and Ram regain consciousness, The plot progresses as Veronica and
they'll be the laughingstock's of the J.D. discuss and plan their revenge on
school. The note's the punchline. Kurt and Ram. It sets up the next major
How'd it turn out? event in the story, the fake deaths.
VERONICA clumsily extracts the note from Originality: 0
her purse. She also
plucks out the crumpled yellow sample of
Kurt's handwriting of
the opening note-forge scene. She proudly
displays both
papers. Characters: 9
VERONICA Veronica and J.D. are well-developed
First tell me this similarity is characters with distinct personalities.
not incredible. Their dark humor and cynicism make
them intriguing and memorable.
J.D. Character Changes: 5
(warmly)
Incredible similarity. There is minimal character change in
VERONICA pulls back the note and reads. this scene. Veronica and J.D. remain
VERONICA committed to their plan and their
Ram and I died the day we realized personalities are consistent.
we could never reveal our forbidden Internal Goal: 0
love to an uncaring and ununderstanding
world. The joy we shared in each other's
arms was greater than any touchdown. Yet External Goal: 0
we were forced to live the lie of Sexist-
Beer Guzzling-Jock-Asshole.
J.D.
Exquisite, but I don't think Scene Elements
ununderstanding is a word. Conflict Level: 7
VERONICA There is a conflict between Veronica
We don't want to make them out to be and J.D.'s desire for revenge and the
too secretly eloquent. Why would the potential consequences of their
Germans invent a bullet that doesn't actions. It creates tension and
kill people? I mean it WAS World War suspense.
Two, not a school play.
Opposition: 0
J.D.
(rapid-fire) High Stakes: 7
They used them on themselves to
make it look like they were dead. The stakes are relatively high as
Really quite a brilliant device, but Veronica and J.D. plan to fake the
too flamboyant to seriously produce. deaths of two bullies. There is a risk of
VERONICA their plan backfiring and facing severe
Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K. consequences.
Story Forward: 8
VERONICA swiftly picks up her gun and aims
it at the lovable The scene moves the story forward by
tabby entering the room. J.D. rips it away setting up the next major event, the
from her. fake deaths of Kurt and Ram. It keeps
the audience engaged and curious
J.D. about the outcome.
It doesn't work on small animals!
Unpredictability: 0
VERONICA
Oh. Philosophical Conflict: 0
J.D.
Uh well hey, let's take a look at the
homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant
at the scene. Now prepare to be a
little disappointed.
Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 6
J.D. lifts up a feminine shopping bag and
gently dumps the The scene is more focused on humor
contents on the bed. and cynicism rather than emotional
depth. However, there is a sense of
J.D. anticipation and excitement.
We've got an issue of Stud Puppy, a Dialogue: 9

candy dish, a Joan Crawford post card,
and some mascara. The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
showcases the characters'
VERONICA personalities. It adds depth to the
You must have had fun. scene and keeps the audience
J.D. engaged.
You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot. Engagement: 0
The one perfecto thing I picked up...
J.D. reaches in both his coat pockets and Pacing: 0
triumphantly raises
out two bottles of Perrier water.
J.D.
Perrier water! Technical Aspect
Oh come ON. Lots of people drink
Perrier. It's come a long way. Structure: 0
J.D.
This is Ohio. If you don't have a
brewsky in your hand you might as
well be wearing a dress. Critique
VERONICA The scene lacks a clear conflict or
(mock-seductively) tension, which can make it feel
Oh, you're so smart. How about a stagnant and unengaging for the
little heterosexuality before we go? audience.
J.D. laughs then climbs onto VERONICA for a J.D. feels a bit forced and unnatural,
hugging kiss. particularly in their discussion about
the Ich Luge bullets and the
67 EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT -- DAWN 67 homosexual artifacts.
The humor in the scene is dark and
A tense KURT and an excited RAM, playing air edgy, but it could benefit from more
guitar, walk subtlety and wit to make it truly
through the misty parking lot toward the comedic.
woods. The visual elements in the scene are
limited to the characters loading guns
RAM on Veronica's bed, which doesn't add
(singing)
Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever much visual interest or depth to the
need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello scene.
Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and... The transition between Veronica and
J.D. discussing the suicide plan and
KURT Veronica jokingly suggesting trying the
Shut the fuck up, all right. bullets on J.F.K. feels abrupt and
disjointed.
RAM The introduction of the homosexual
Lighten up, dude. In those woods is artifacts feels out of place and forced,
some of the finest pussy in the school as if it's trying too hard to be
and we don't even have to buy it a provocative without a clear purpose or
hamburger and a Diet Coke. What a way relevance to the story.
to start the day! Punch it in! The dialogue could be tightened and
made more concise to improve the
KURT feebly slams knuckles with RAM. pacing and flow of the scene.
Suggestions
Introduce a clear conflict or tension in
the scene to keep the audience
engaged. This could be a
disagreement between Veronica and
J.D. about the plan or a moment of
doubt or hesitation from Veronica.
Work on making the dialogue between
Veronica and J.D. more natural and
organic. Consider how real people
would speak in these situations and
strive for authenticity.
Refine the humor in the scene to make
it more subtle and witty. Look for
opportunities to add clever wordplay or
ironic observations that enhance the
comedic tone.
Explore ways to incorporate more
visual elements into the scene to add
depth and interest. This could include
using props or staging the characters
in a visually engaging way.
Smooth out the transition between
different topics of conversation to
create a more seamless flow. Consider
how the characters' thoughts and

emotions naturally progress from one
topic to the next.
Reevaluate the inclusion of the
homosexual artifacts and ensure they
serve a clear purpose in the story. If
they don't contribute to the overall
narrative or character development,
consider removing them.
Edit and revise the dialogue to make it
more concise and impactful. Cut out
any unnecessary or repetitive lines to
improve the pacing and keep the
audience engaged.

68 EXT. CLEARING IN THE WOODS -- DAWN Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Drama"]
68
VEONICA stands in the middle of a clearing in
the woods. She Summary
nervously tucks the gun in the back of her Veronica and J.D. attend Heather
dress as KURT and Chandler's funeral and carry out their plan
RAM emerge into the clearing from a path in to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They
the woods. engage in dark humor and cynicism as they
interact with their parents and discuss the
KURT aftermath of Heather's suicide. The scene
Hi Veronica. ends with Veronica accidentally shooting
VERONICA Kurt, resulting in his death.
(forced cheerfulness)
Hi Guys. Glad you could make it. Strengths Weaknesses
Effective dark Some
RAM smacks his hands together. humor and dialogue may
cynicism be too dark or
RAM Surprising offensive for
So do we just start fucking? twist with some viewers
Kurt's death
VERONICA Engaging
I've made a circle on each end of dialogue
the clearing. Ram, you come over here.
KURT steps into the scratched-in-the-dirt Ratings
circle next to him.
A confused RAM walks past VERONICA and
steps into a circle at Overall
the opposite end of the foggy clearing. Overall: 8
VERONICA The scene effectively combines dark
humor and cynicism with a surprising
The guys pause, then slowly start taking off twist, keeping the audience engaged
their clothes. and entertained.
RAM
What about you? Story Content
VERONICA Concept: 7
I was hoping you'd rip my clothes
off me, sport. The concept of faking deaths and the
dark humor surrounding it is intriguing
RAM and unique.
Oh. Good idea. Plot: 9
KURT and RAM awkwardly stand at opposite The plot progresses significantly with
ends in their undies. the execution of the plan and Kurt's
VERONICA unexpected death.
Count of three, guys. Originality: 0
RAM giggles in anticipation.
VERONICA
One. Character Development
KURT finally cracks a smile. Characters: 8
VERONICA Veronica and J.D. showcase their dark
Two. humor and cynicism, staying true to
their established personalities.
J.D. suddenly moves next to VERONICA
holding a gun in his Character Changes: 6

right hand and the feminine shopping bag in
his left. Veronica experiences a shift in her
emotions from laughter to shock and
J.D. confusion after Kurt's death.
Three. Internal Goal: 0
J.D. almost non-chalantly shoots RAM in the
forehead. VERONICA External Goal: 0
rips out her gun and swings it toward KURT.
Using both hands,
she fires, but misses completely. KURT runs
away onto the
path. VERONICA throws down her gun with a
smile.
Scene Elements
VERONICA Conflict Level: 9
Shucks.
The conflict between the characters
J.D. races to VERONICA in a white sweat. and the high stakes of their plan create
tension throughout the scene.
J.D. Opposition: 0
Did you miss him completely?
(giggling)
Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth The stakes are high as Veronica and
it just to see the look on.... J.D. risk their lives and reputations to
carry out their plan.
J.D.
Don't move! I'll get him back! Story Forward: 9
VERONICA's laughter cuts off like a faucet. The scene significantly moves the
Suddenly trembling story forward by executing the plan
and confused, she watches J.D. bolt into the and resulting in Kurt's death.
woods. Unpredictability: 0
THE PATH
A panicked KURT runs on the path through
the woods.
OFF THE PATH
J.D., with a cold efficiency, weaves through

trees and fog. Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 7
THE CLEARING
The scene evokes a mix of emotions,
VERONICA turns toward Ram's collapsed including dark humor, cynicism, and
body. shock at Kurt's death.
THE PATH Dialogue: 7
KURT sees the opening at the end of the The dialogue effectively conveys the
woods. J.D. suddenly dark humor and cynicism of the
moves into the opening and raises his gun. characters.
KURT runs back... Engagement: 0
THE CLEARING
Pacing: 0
VERONICA approaches Ram's body with
increasing shivers. He
does not look bleeding and unconscious. He
looks bleeding and
dead, dead, dead. Technical Aspect
KURT barrels into the clearing as J.D. howls Formatting: 0
from the woods.
Structure: 0
J.D.
Now!
In a burst of frightened, animal instinct,
VERONICA whips
around and fires her gun right into KURT's Critique
chest. The scene lacks clear and concise
descriptions of the characters' actions
69 INT. SQUAD CAR IN SCHOOL PARKING and emotions, making it difficult for the
LOT -- DAWN 69 reader to visualize and connect with
the scene.
Two cops, MILNER and McCORD, smoke The dialogue feels forced and
marijuana in a squad car unnatural, particularly in the interaction
already filled with smoke. After a coughing fit, between Veronica and Kurt and Ram.
MILNER The transition between the cow
shouts. pasture and the school workshop and
hallway is abrupt and confusing,
MILNER making it hard to follow the sequence

I heard it that time! of events.
McCORD The conflicts between Veronica and
Wha? Kurt, as well as Veronica and the
yearbook staff, are not fully explored or
MILNER resolved in this scene, leaving the
Another gunshot! From the woods! audience with unresolved tension.
McCORD inconsistent, with moments of tension,
Shit, let's roll. discomfort, and humor that don't blend
seamlessly.
The two officer explode out of the car. The significant visual element of cow
tipping is not effectively utilized to
70 EXT. THE CLEARING -- DAWN 70 enhance the scene.
The scene lacks a clear and impactful
J.D. puts his gun in RAM's right hand while ending, leaving the audience without a
VERONICA strong sense of closure or anticipation
zombiesquely does the same with KURT and for the next scene.
her gun.
VERONICA
Kurt doesn't look too good. Suggestions
J.D. Provide more specific and vivid
Remember he's left-handed. descriptions of the characters' actions,
emotions, and surroundings to
A quivering VERONICA puts the gun in enhance the visual experience for the
reader.
KURT's left hand. Revise the dialogue to make it more
MILNER (O.S.) natural and reflective of the characters'
Keep going until you hit the clearing! Improve the transition between the
cow pasture and the school workshop
J.D.'s head snaps forward. He yanks up and hallway by clearly indicating the
VERONICA. They both run change in location and time.
into the woods behind RAM's body as the two Further develop and resolve the
Cops charge into the conflicts between Veronica and Kurt,
clearing, guns raised. Seeing the Jocks, they as well as Veronica and the yearbook
stop. staff, to create a more satisfying
McCORD narrative arc.
Refine the emotional tone of the scene
Mother of Shit! to ensure a consistent and cohesive
MILNER atmosphere throughout.
Call in! Utilize the visual element of cow

tipping to add depth and meaning to
MILNER looks toward where VERONICA and the scene, perhaps by using it as a
J.D. ran out. metaphor or symbol for the characters'
actions and relationships.
MILNER Craft a stronger ending for the scene
I heard something out there. I'm that leaves the audience with a sense
checking it out. of closure or anticipation for what's to
come.
MILNER runs off as McCORD shouts into a
walkie-talkie. He is
holding the pulse of KURT KELLY.
McCORD
This is Officer McCord and I've got
two dead bodies in the woods behind
Westerburg High. Oh my God, one of
them's Kurt Kelly, the quarterback.
71 EXT. IN THE WOODS -- DAWN 71
VERONICA and J.D. flow through thick trees.
An Owl hoos.
72 EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS --
DAWN 72
MILNER blindly barrels through the dense,
foggy woods.
73 EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE WOODS --
DAWN 73
VERONICA and J.D. come out of the woods
and race up a dew
drenched hill toward VERONICA's car which is
parked on top.
J.D.
Faster!
74 EXT. IN THE WOODS -- DAWN 74
MILNER is jolted by an OWL-HOO, then
continues moving.
75 EXT. THE HILL -- DAWN 75
VERONICA and J.D. reach the car, panting.
MILNER races out of the woods just as
VERONICA and J.D. slam
the car doors closed behind them. MILNER
huffs up the hill.
76 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- DAWN 76
VERONICA and J.D. somersault into the
backseat and begin
taking off their clothes.
77 EXT. THE HILL -- DAWN 77
MILNER continues to move up the hill.
VERONICA and J.D., stripped down to their
underwear, embrace.
79 EXT. OUTSIDE THE CAR -- DAWN 79
MILNER approaches the car and peers in. His
crackling walkie-
talkie startles him.
McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
Milner, can you hear me? What's going down?
MILNER moves away from the car, then
speaks into his walkie-
talkie.
MILNER
Think what I heard was just a
stinking owl. All I got is two kids
making out in the backseat of a
car. Should I pry them apart?

McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
Forget it. I got all the answers
back here, partner. Boy, kids today
sure start in early. Hey, are they naked?
MILNER sighs, and clicks off his walkie-talkie.
Seeing the cop move away. VERONICA and
J.D. stop kissing. They
catch their breath, smile, then continue
passionately necking.
Scene 17 - Funeral and Faked Deaths

81 EXT. THE CLEARING -- DAWN 81 Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Drama"]
MILNER runs back into the clearing.
MILNER Summary
What's the deal? Veronica and J.D. attend Heather
Chandler's funeral and carry out their plan
McCORD to fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They
Suicide. Double Suicide. They shot engage in dark humor and cynicism as they
each other. interact with their parents and discuss the
aftermath of Heather's suicide. The scene
MILNER ends with Veronica accidentally shooting
That's Kurt Kelly! Kurt, resulting in his death.
McCORD Strengths Weaknesses
Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney. Sharp and Some may
witty dialogue find the dark
MILNER Effective humor and
Oh my God, suicide? Why? combination cynicism off-
of dark humor putting
McCORD and serious The
Does this answer your question? themes accidental
shooting may
McCORD reaches in the feminine shopping Surprising be too

bag and pulls out the twist with the shocking for
bottles of Perrier water. accidental some viewers
shooting
MILNER
Oh man, they were FAGS!
McCORD Ratings
Listen up, "We could never reveal our
forbidden love to an uncaring and Overall
ununderstanding world." Overall: 8
MILNER The scene effectively combines dark
Ah Jesus H. Fuck. Kurt was a Sherwood humor and cynicism with the serious
Sunday Insert Honorable Mention... topic of suicide. The accidental
MILNER shakes his head slowly then suddenly shooting adds a surprising twist and
looks up. raises the stakes.
MILNER
Wait a second. How did they shoot
each other if we heard two separate
Story Content
sets of gunshots? Concept: 7
McCORD The concept of faking deaths to
I always hear gunshots when I'm high expose the hypocrisy and cruelty of
before noon. Life's a crazy bitch. the school is intriguing and adds depth
Don't try to analyze it. The quarterback to the story.
buggering the linebacker. What a waste. Plot: 8
MILNER The plot progresses as Veronica and
Oh the humanity. J.D. carry out their plan and face
82 INT. SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM -- unexpected consequences. The
MORNING 82 accidental shooting adds tension and
Another morning mourning conference. The raises the stakes.
participants look a Originality: 0
little more frazzled. PAULINE sits at the head
of the table.
COUNSELOR HYDE
(sotto voce to Mrs. Pope)
After every touchdown or whatever,
they give each other a little slap

on the bottom. It seems innocent... Character Development
Characters: 9
PAULINE (O.S.)
Shut up. Veronica and J.D. are well-developed
characters with distinct personalities.
The elderly MRS. POPE shakes her head at Their dark humor and cynicism add
the suicide note. depth to their interactions.
MRS. POPE Character Changes: 7
Look at this. "Ununderstanding."
Veronica experiences a change in her
PAULINE perception of the consequences of her
Will you shut up! We were in a actions due to the accidental shooting.
similar position Monday and I Internal Goal: 0
thoughtfully suggested that we get
the students together for an
unadulterated emotional outpouring. External Goal: 0
You took the suggestion as an
opportunity to play yet another round
of "Let's laugh at the Hippie."
COUNSELOR HYDE Scene Elements
Pauline, if you want a tryout Conflict Level: 8
for the school play....
PRINCIPAL GOWAN hoarsely breaks in. There is conflict between the
characters' dark humor and the
PRINCIPAL GOWAN seriousness of the situation. The
Shut up, Paul. I've seen a lot of accidental shooting raises the stakes
bullshit--angel dust, switchblades, and creates further conflict.
sexually perverse photography Opposition: 0
exhibits involving tennis racquets,
but this suicide thing....I guess
it's all on Pauline's wavelength. High Stakes: 8
We're just going to write off today,
and Friday she can do her little The high stakes are established
little love-in or whatever. Whatever. through the faked deaths and the
accidental shooting, which have
83 EXT. STUDENT PARKING LOT -- serious consequences for the
MORNING 83 characters.
VERONICA's car is the lone vehicle in the Story Forward: 9
student parking lot. The scene moves the story forward by

Slowly other cars begin to filter in, including a advancing the plan to expose the
rumbling heap- school's hypocrisy and raising the
ful of Heavy Metalers. stakes with the accidental shooting.
84 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- MORNING 84 Unpredictability: 0
The Heavy Metaler Heap's obnoxious muffler Philosophical Conflict: 0
causes a sleeping
VERONICA's eyes to snap open in bug-eyed
sweat. Mentally
wounded, she climbs into the front seat,
pulling on her
blazer. She presses in the car cigarette
Audience Engagement
lighter. J.D. Emotional Impact: 7
rumbles from the back as more cars begin to
fill the lot. The scene evokes a range of emotions,
VERONICA from dark humor and cynicism to
We killed them, didn't we? shock and sadness due to the
accidental shooting.
J.D. Dialogue: 9
Of course.
VERONICA tugs out the car lighter and The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
savagely brands the palm showcases the dark humor and
of her hand. J.D. hurdles into the front seat cynicism of the characters. It
and bats the effectively conveys their personalities
lighter away. He lights a cigarette off the and motivations.
scorched flesh of Engagement: 0
VERONICA's hand as she wails away.
VERONICA Pacing: 0
Ich Luge bullets! I'm an idiot!
J.D. drags on his cigarette. School buses are
pulling in
outside of the parking lot, in front of the Technical Aspect
school. Formatting: 0
J.D.
You believed it because you wanted Structure: 0
to believe it. Your true feelings were
too gross and icky for you to face.
VERONICA
I did not want them DEAD. Critique
J.D. The scene lacks clear transitions
Did too. between locations and time periods,
making it confusing for the reader to
VERONICA follow.
Did not. The dialogue feels forced and
unnatural, particularly in the
J.D. conversation between Milner and
Did too. McCord about the suicides.
The humor in the scene feels forced
VERONICA and out of place given the somber tone
Did not. of the funeral.
The characters' reactions to the
J.D. launches into a rapid-fire rendition of suicides are not explored in depth,
"did-too's". leaving the emotional impact of the
VERONICA responds by holding her hands scene lacking.
over her ears and The use of homophobic language and
singing "Mary had a Little Lamb." J.D.'s "Did- stereotypes in the dialogue is offensive
too's" get and unnecessary.
louder causing VERONICA to bang on the The scene lacks significant visual
horn. elements or actions to engage the
reader and enhance the storytelling.
HEATHER DUKE and a vegged out HEATHER
MCNAMARA stop sauntering
Suggestions
through the parking lot to contemplate Clearly establish the transitions
Veronica's hiccuping between locations and time periods to
car and its sparring occupants. avoid confusion.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more
HEATHER DUKE natural and authentic, focusing on the
Ah, young love. characters' genuine reactions to the
suicides.
COURTNEY bounds up to the Heathers. Consider toning down the humor in this
scene to maintain the somber tone of
SQUEELING GIRL #1 the funeral.
Did you hear? School's cancelled today Explore the characters' emotional
because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in reactions to the suicides in more depth
a repressed homosexual suicide pact. to create a stronger emotional impact.
HEATHER DUKE
(incredulous, but amused) Avoid using offensive language and

No way! stereotypes in the dialogue, as it can
alienate and offend readers.
86 INT. THE SAWYER CAR -- DAY 86 Introduce significant visual elements or
actions to engage the reader and
J.D. pulls VERONICA off the horn and warmly enhance the storytelling.
places an unlit
cigarette in her mouth. As he speaks,
VERONICA wearily takes
the cigarette from her mouth and puts it in
her blazer pocket.
J.D.
Football season's over, Veronica. Kurt
and Ram had nothing to offer the school
but date-rapes and A.I.D.S. jokes.
VERONICA
(looking to her burnt hand)
Sure. Can we make an ice run
before the funeral?
STUDENTS head back to their cars and the
Buses pull back out.
87 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 87
A typically John Waynesque Jock's Father-
type, MR. KELLY,
stands over his son's open coffin. KURT
wears a black football
helmet. FATHER RIPPER watches on with
various ADULTS,
STUDENTS.
MR. KELLY
If there's any way you can hear me,
Kurt buddy, I don't care that you
really were some pansy. You're my
flesh-and-blood. You made me proud.
I love my homosexual son. My son's
gay and I love him!
In dark sunglasses, VERONICA wearily leans

over to J.D.
VERONICA
Your son's dead and you love him.
J.D.
How do you think Mr. Kelly would
react to a son with a limp wrist
with a pulse?
They quietly laugh. VERONICA sees a LITTLE
GIRL staring at
her. She is wearing Kurt's football jersey and
her face is
soaked in tears. VERONICA's smile turns into
a nauseated
grimace.
88 OMIT 88

89 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM FLOOR -- Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
NIGHT 89
VERONICA lies next to a Vodka bottle,
drinking out of a Dixie Summary
cup. She turns off her blaring radio to speak Veronica and J.D. attend Heather
on the phone. Chandler's funeral and witness the school's
D.J. (radio) attempt to bring unity through a hand-
As you know, the Sherwood Teen Suicide holding exercise. Veronica questions the
tote is up to three. Here's one for Kurt superficiality of the event and expresses
and Ram, BigFun with Teenage Suicide, her cynicism. J.D. observes the chaos and
Don't Do It.... interacts with Martha Dunnstock. The
scene highlights the dark humor and
VERONICA cynicism of the characters.
Hello J.D.? No, it's okay, I just kind
of wanted to talk...Oh, a newsmagazine
show on Channel 16. Really? On the
suicides. No, sounds great. Bye. Strengths Weaknesses

VERONICA hangs up and looks to her "The scene "The emotional
battered diary lying against effectively impact could be
the wall. She crawls to the diary and then combines dark stronger, and the
reaches humor, cynicism, conflict could be
up to her night table to pull down her monocle and social more
and a pen. commentary. The pronounced."
She sucks a cup of Vodka and begins writing. dialogue is sharp
and witty, and the
VERONICA (V.O.) characters'
Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit personalities are
now has a body count. well-defined."
Sitting up against her bed, VERONICA
continues writing as Ratings
J.F.K. laps up Vodka from the Dixie cup.
VERONICA (V.O.)
Overall
The most popular people in the school Overall: 8
are dead. Everybody's sad, but it's a
good kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather The scene effectively combines dark
depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I humor, cynicism, and social
gave J.D. shit about the Ich Luge thing commentary to create an engaging
but what really frightens me is that and thought-provoking atmosphere.
I'm not frightened by what J.D.'ll do
next. It's God versus my boyfriend
and God's losing.... Story Content
VERONICA drops her head back and closes Concept: 7
her eyes, popping out
her monocle. She swoons down against the The concept of using a funeral as a
bed onto the backdrop to explore the characters'
floor and curls into a fetal slumber. dark humor and cynicism is unique and
adds depth to the story.
90 INT. THE CAFETERIA -- DAY 90
Plot: 7
STUDENTS eat and buzz together in typical
cacophony. All are The plot progresses as Veronica and
wearing black armbands. A jukebox roars. J.D. attend the funeral and witness the
school's attempt at unity. Veronica's
PAULINE FLEMING and an entourage of questioning of the event sets up future
STUDENTS such as PETER conflicts.
DAWSON and the HEATHERS invade the Originality: 0

cafeteria, heads raised high.
PAULINE
Peter, kill the jukebox.
As the music amusingly grinds to a halt, Characters: 9
PAULINE hoists up
a bullhorn to her lips and crackles... The characters' dark humor and
PAULINE cynicism are well-developed and
Could I have your attention? consistent throughout the scene.
Veronica's skepticism and J.D.'s
A startled Geek RODNEY splatters milk all detached observation add depth to
over himself. their personalities.
STUDENTS whip their heads around to the
front of the cafeteria. There is minimal character change in
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK warily this scene. Veronica's skepticism and
looks up from her plate. J.D.'s detached observation remain
consistent.
PAULINE FLEMING chants with soaring self-
importance. Internal Goal: 0
PAULINE External Goal: 0
Our school has been torn apart by
tragedy. I'm here today to fuse it
back together through Togetherness.
I want everyone to clasp hands.
We need to connect this cafeteria
into one mighty circuit.
Scene Elements
Conflict Level: 6
A tableau of dumbfounded STUDENTS stare
at the Bullhorn Woman. There is a mild conflict between
Veronica and Pauline regarding the
91 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF CAFETERIA -- authenticity of the school's unity
SAME TIME -- DAY 91 exercise. However, the main conflict is
implied and builds anticipation for
Hungover in dark sunglasses, VERONICA future events.
bustles toward the Opposition: 0
cafeteria entrance clinging to an armful of
books while trying
to tie a black armband onto herself.
High Stakes: 5
92 INT. THE CAFETERIA -- DAY 92
PAULINE's Evita Peron-like composure is scene as it focuses more on character
crumbling. development and social commentary.
PAULINE Story Forward: 7
Yo, what's the problem? I know you The scene moves the story forward by
know how to hold hands. Ring-around- setting up conflicts and establishing
the-rosy-a-pocketful-of-posy...Forget it!
(looking to her watch then Peter) the characters' attitudes towards the
Where are they? events.
Her back to the viewer, VERONICA enters the Unpredictability: 0
cafeteria. HEATHER
DUKE floats into view and tightly knots Philosophical Conflict: 0
VERONICA's armband.
VERONICA
I see Ms. Phlegm's on another crusade.
With usual success. Audience Engagement
HEATHER DUKE Emotional Impact: 6
(looking to the viewer) The scene evokes a mix of sadness
I have a feeling this one'll work. and amusement, but the emotional
VERONICA turns to the viewer and half- impact is not the primary focus.
gasps. Dialogue: 8
TWO 2-person video CAMERA CREWS and a The dialogue effectively conveys the
STILL PHOTOGRAPHER burst characters' dark humor and cynicism.
into the cafeteria slightly battering the in-the- It also highlights their contrasting
way VERONICA. perspectives on the events.
PAULINE smiles in relief. She wields around, Engagement: 0
lifting the horn.
PAULINE Pacing: 0
The cameras are here! Lock your paws!
Slightly confused but Awesomed, a table of
Country Club Kids
including COURTNEY stand and latch out to
each other. A nearby

table with BETTY FINN and friends follow suit. Technical Aspect
Formatting: 0
VERONICA looks on with a growing sense of
queasiness.
Structure: 0
The Cafeteria swirls into a frenzy with
members of more
excitable cliques like the Jocks and the
Heavy Metalers
jumping over and onto tables anxiously
bumbling into hand-
Critique
holding constellations. CAMERA CREWS The scene starts with Veronica in her
weave beside them. bedroom, drinking and reflecting on
In a corner, the PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a the recent suicides. The use of the
shot of a thumbs-up radio broadcast and Veronica's diary
PETER DAWSON with his arms around entry effectively convey her thoughts
FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET. and emotions.
The introduction of Pauline and her
PAULINE runs ahead of a hustling CAMERA attempt to organize a hand-holding
CREW and grabs hold of event in the cafeteria adds an
a chain of hand-holding Jocks. She pulls the interesting dynamic to the scene.
chain until it The chaotic atmosphere in the
connects up with a grateful chain of BETTY cafeteria, with students wearing black
FINNS. armbands and the presence of camera
crews, effectively captures the
A sleeping HEATHER MCNAMARA drearily aftermath of the suicides.
awakens to the havoc around Veronica's confrontation with Pauline
her. She takes off her black armband, ties it about the superficiality of her efforts
around her adds depth to their characters and
eyes, and droops her head back down on a highlights the differing approaches to
table. dealing with the tragedy.
The scene ends with J.D. sitting down
VERONICA lets her books slide from her with Martha, which suggests a
hands, shaking her head. potential connection between them
and adds intrigue to their relationship.
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK nervously looks to her
out-of-control peers.
HEATHER DUKE slyly looks to VERONICA with Suggestions
an "If you can't Consider adding more dialogue or
beat em..." smile then saunters into the fray. actions to further develop the conflict
She slides onto between Veronica and Pauline.
the lap of Heavy Metaler Matt. The Explore the emotional impact of the
PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a shot. suicides on the other characters
present in the scene.
PAULINE forces apart the handholding Heavy Consider incorporating more visual
Metal lovers JACKIE elements to enhance the atmosphere
and STEVE, sandwiches DENNIS in between and mood of the scene.
them, and madly departs. Further explore the relationship
between J.D. and Martha to create
The PHOTOGRAPHER now shoots a pic of a more tension and intrigue.
thumbs-up PETER DAWSON Consider adding a resolution or a
with his arms around an ALL OUT NERD. cliffhanger at the end of the scene to
keep the audience engaged.
VERONICA stands before the chaos, back to
the viewer, in much
the same way Heather Chandler did in the
opening scene.
PAULINE and the Geek Squad look to
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK.
RODNEY
I may be a geek, but I have my pride.
PAULINE
Gotcha...Could I get some Stoners
over here please!
Frightened and flustered, MARTHA
DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK quakes
for a moment then crawls underneath her
table.
A last panoramic view of the hustling
CAMERA CREWS amid the
panderingly anarchic STUDENTS unfolds.
VERONICA suddenly finds herself flanked by
J.D. The exiting
CAMERA CREWS flow past them.
J.D.
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
A dumbfounded VERONICA watches PAULINE

and PETER approach.
PETER
I'm gonna need a VHS copy of all this by
Monday for my Princeton application.
PAULINE
(looking to Veronica)
Veronica, there you are! Wasn't it Fab?
I've put peer pressure out to pasture!
VERONICA
Oh come on, Pauline. What happens
tomorrow, when the cameras aren't here?
As they argue, J.D. looks out and sees
MARTHA bob up from
beneath her table then dart back under. He
ambles away....
PAULINE
Why are you dissing me, Veronica? I'm
trying to redefine the high school
experience.....
VERONICA
You're ignorning the high school
experience. People are dead and all
you can think to do is whip up some
warped Pity Party. If we're going to
ever build respect for each other,
it's gotta be something...something
real. We can't be tricked into it.
Back me up J.D...J.D.?
PAULINE
(moving off)
Let's go Peter, some people are just
unwilling to share the pain....
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S
TABLE
MARTHA slithers from under the table up into

her seat, and
head down, tries to finish off a bowl of soup.
She slowly looks
up and freezes. J.D. is revealed to be seated
across from her,
behind his Rebel Without a Cause lunch box.
He smiles warmly.
J.D.
Greetings and salutations.
Scene 19 - Chaos and Cynicism

93 INT. J.D.'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT 93 Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
VERONICA restlessly rocks on a couch with
increasingly
unguarded annoyance. Excitedly insensitive Summary
to her words, J.D. Veronica and J.D. discuss their frustration
spins the tuner of his radio, headphones with the chaos surrounding Heather
pressed to one ear. Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the
deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in
VERONICA dark humor and cynicism as they interact
That thing this afternoon...I'm so with their parents. The scene ends with
angry! It was like "Boy, isn't death Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt,
fun!" "Gee, I wonder who'll die next!" resulting in his death.
"I'll bet we get FOUR camera crews
next time." It was chaos. Fucking chaos. Strengths Weaknesses
Effective use Some
J.D. giddily pivots around, tearing the of dark humor dialogue may
headphones from the and cynicism be too dark or
radio and causing a blast of static to Unexpected offensive for
accompany his words. and impactful some
J.D. death of Kurt audiences
What are you talking about? Today Strong
was great. Chaos is great. Chaos is character
what killed the dinosaurs, darling, development
and it's what's going to make
Westerburg a purified place to get
an education. Face it, our way is Ratings

the way. We scare people into not
being assholes.
Overall
VERONICA Overall: 9
(a ticking time bomb)
Our way is not OUR way. The scene effectively combines dark
J.D. humor, cynicism, and unexpected
Tell that to the judge; "Your honor, tragedy to create a compelling and
I was led to believe there were Ich impactful moment.
Luge bullets in the gun." Tell it to
Kurt Kelly! "Don't shoot, Veronica,
I'm the quarterback." Story Content
J.D. goes into a Sonny-Corleone-at-the- Concept: 8
Turnpike imitation.
VERONICA throws the first thing she can get The concept of faking deaths and
her hands on, a exploring the consequences of chaos
framed picture of a woman, at the vibrating and cynicism is intriguing and well-
J.D. executed.
VERONICA Plot: 9
I'm telling it to YOU! YOU! Nothing The plot progresses significantly with
good can come from suicide, from murder, the accidental shooting of Kurt,
from death. Nothing! Nothing except more leading to a major turning point in the
death and shit like that feeding frenzy story.
this afternoon....Geez, what am I..who...
Unnaah! You can be so immature! Originality: 0
J.D.
(looking off)
You kids are making too much damn noise.
BIG BUD DEAN is revealed to be standing in Characters: 9
the front doorway,
holding a chest exerciser and waving a Veronica and J.D. are well-developed
videocassette. characters with distinct personalities
BIG BUD DEAN and conflicting ideologies.
We beat the bitches. Character Changes: 8
VERONICA
(mumbling) Veronica experiences a shift in her

Oh beautiful. The Beaver's home. perspective on death and realizes the
negative consequences of her actions.
BIG BUD DEAN Internal Goal: 0
Judge told em to slurp shit and die.
BIG BUD moves to the Entertainment console, External Goal: 0
turns off the
radio and turns on the V.C.R. He crams the
cassette in and
hefts up his chest exerciser. He begins
pumping away as the
image of a shabby building appears on the
Scene Elements
massive T.V. Conflict Level: 8
BIG BUD DEAN There is a high level of conflict
I put a Norwegian in the boiler room. between Veronica and J.D. as they
Masterful. When that blew, it set off clash over their differing views on
a pack of thermals I'd stuck upstairs. death and chaos.
The building blows up. BIG BUD cackles. J.D. Opposition: 0
politely
applauds. BUD pops out the videocassette
and bounces away. High Stakes: 9
BIG BUD DEAN The accidental death raises the stakes
It's great to be alive! and intensifies the consequences for
Veronica and J.D.
VERONICA
Do you like your father? Story Forward: 9
J.D. The accidental death of Kurt propels
Never given the matter much thought. the story forward and sets up further
Liked my mother. conflicts and consequences.
J.D. picks up the framed picture that Veronica Unpredictability: 0
threw.
J.D.
They said her death was an accident.
But she knew when the explosives were
set to go off. She knew...
VERONICA slowly sits down next to J.D. with
dazed concern. Audience Engagement

VERONICA Emotional Impact: 9
In some sick way, we unclogged the
sinuses of the school. But if we're The accidental death of Kurt evokes a
going to keep the school healthy, it's strong emotional response and adds
gotta be through something having to depth to the scene.
do with life, not death.
Dialogue: 9
J.D.
Whoa, Metaphor Tennis anyone? Tell me, The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
if you put a Nazi in a concentration effectively conveys the dark humor
camp, does that make you a Nazi? and cynicism of the characters.
MayBE.
Pacing: 0
J.D. exhales in frustration before bounding up
from the couch
to turn back on the radio.
D.J. (Radio) Technical Aspect
Dudes, if I get one more request for Formatting: 0
that BigFun song I'M going to
committ suicide. Here it is......
Structure: 0
J.D.
(malevolently)
They're playing our song....
As the "song" kicks in (a bunch of guys
shouting over a drum Critique
machine), J.D. seductively moves toward The scene starts off with Veronica
VERONICA, semi-lip- expressing her anger towards the
syncing it. As a seethingly angry but not chaos caused by J.D.'s actions.
unaroused However, the dialogue feels a bit on-
VERONICA watches, J.D. slithers onto the the-nose and could benefit from more
couch. subtlety and nuance.
BIGFUN (Radio) J.D.'s response to Veronica's anger
TIMES ARE MEAN FOR A TEEN--WE KNOW! feels a bit dismissive and insensitive. It
PARENTS IGNORE, TEACHERS BORE--WE would be more effective if he
KNOW! acknowledged her concerns and tried
BUT THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO GO!
TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT! to address them in a more empathetic

TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT! way.
The introduction of Big Bud Dean and
J.D. stops his seduction and rips out a gun. his actions with the videocassette and
He giddily fires chest exerciser feels random and
into the radio, destroying it. disconnected from the rest of the
scene. It doesn't contribute much to
VERONICA the overall story or character
That's it, we're breaking up. development.
The conversation between Veronica
J.D. and J.D. about their methods of
Wha-a-at? scaring people into not being assholes
lacks depth and complexity. It would be
J.D. playfully tackles the fleeing VERONICA. more interesting to explore their
This calms rather conflicting ideologies in a more
than angers. She turns on her back. J.D. nuanced way.
follows suit. The seduction scene with J.D. moving
towards Veronica while lip-syncing the
J.D. song feels forced and out of place. It
You can't bring them back. You doesn't add much to the scene and
must know that. could be removed to streamline the
narrative.
VERONICA The ending of the scene, with J.D.
I'm not trying to "bring back" putting the gun in his mouth and then
anybody...except maybe myself. broodingly tying his shoes, feels
melodramatic and unnecessary. It
VERONICA sighs, then rolls over into a doesn't contribute to the overall story
crawling position and or character development.
eventually into a walking-out-the-door Overall, the scene lacks subtlety and
position. depth in its exploration of the conflicts
and emotions between the characters.
VERONICA It could benefit from more nuanced
To think there was a time when I dialogue and character interactions.
thought you were cool. If you can't
deal with me now, just stay home and
shoot your T.V., blow away a couple
toasters or something. Just don't come Suggestions
to school and don't mess with me. Consider rewriting the dialogue
J.D. between Veronica and J.D. to add more
subtlety and nuance. Instead of
You'll be BACK! directly expressing their anger and
J.D. slowly sits up and with both hands, puts dismissiveness, have them engage in a
more layered conversation that reveals
his gun in his their conflicting ideologies and

mouth. He pauses, lets go of the gun, and emotions.
then biting down on Reevaluate the introduction of Big Bud
the barrel of the gun, J.D. proceeds to Dean and his actions. If his character
broodingly tie his and actions don't contribute
shoes. significantly to the scene or the overall
story, consider removing or reworking
this part to maintain focus.
Remove the seduction scene with J.D.
lip-syncing the song. Instead, focus on
the core conflicts and emotions
between Veronica and J.D. to create a
more impactful and meaningful scene.
Consider a different ending for the
scene that is more in line with the
overall story and character
development. Instead of the
melodramatic gun moment, find a
resolution or cliffhanger that leaves the
audience wanting more.
Work on adding more depth and
complexity to the dialogue and
character interactions throughout the
scene. Explore the conflicting
ideologies and emotions in a more
nuanced way to create a more
engaging and thought-provoking
scene.
Scene 20 - Blackmail and Reflection

94 INT. EMPTY CLASSROOM -- DAY 94 Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
J.D. moves to an empty row of desks. He
turns the first desk
as to face the second. HEATHER DUKE warily Summary
lowers herself into Veronica and J.D. continue their plan to
the second desk as J.D. flops a manilla fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. They
envelope onto it. blackmail Heather Duke with old photos

HEATHER DUKE opens the envelope and pulls and discuss the need for a new leader at
out a stack of 8x10's. Westerburg. Veronica discovers Heather
Duke imitating Heather Chandler and
The first shot shows a YOUNG HEATHER confronts her. Meanwhile, Veronica reaches
DUKE in a summer camp out to Betty and David, but is met with
uniform that vibrantly reads HEATHER, She is sarcasm and indifference.
holding one end
of a large poster board drawing of two Strengths Weaknesses
Eskimos rubbing noses. "The scene "The scene could
Holding the other end, in a summer camp effectively benefit from
uniform vibrantly combines dark further exploration
reading MARTHA, is a YOUNG MARTHA humor and of the emotional
DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK. cynicism, creating impact of Heather
HEATHER DUKE an engaging and Chandler's death
What the..... thought-provoking and the
With a harsh laugh, she takes in the next atmosphere. The characters'
photograph. It has dialogue is sharp reactions to it."
and witty, and the
YOUNG HEATHER DUKE and YOUNG characters'
MARTHA eating toasted interactions reveal
marshmallows off each other's sticks. their complex
HEATHER DUKE personalities and
motivations."
(queasily intrigued)
Where did you get these?
Ratings
J.D.
Oh, I just had the NICEST chat with
Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's Overall
scary how everyone's got a story to Overall: 9
tell....Would you care to see the
canoeing shots? The scene effectively blends humor
and cynicism to create an engaging
HEATHER DUKE and thought-provoking atmosphere.
What is this? Blackmail? So what. I The dialogue is sharp and witty, and
once shared a bunk with the biggest the characters' interactions reveal their
loser in the state. I'm not running complex personalities and motivations.
for president....
(narrowing her eyes at the photos)
I'll give you a week's lunch money.
J.D.
I don't want your money, I want your

strength. Westerburg doesn't need Story Content
mushy togetherness, it needs a leader. Concept: 8
Heather Chandler was that leader but...
The concept of faking deaths and
HEATHER DUKE manipulating social dynamics in high
But she couldn't handle it. school is intriguing and adds tension to
the story. The scene effectively
J.D. laughs. She's on the ball. explores the consequences of Heather
Chandler's death and the power
J.D. struggles that arise in her absence.
I think you can. In Catcher in the Rye
Holden says his ideal job'd be making Plot: 9
sure some kids don't fall off a cliff.
He doesn't realize if you pay too much The plot progresses as Veronica and
attention to the kids, you'll back off J.D. execute their plan and confront
the cliff yourself. Heather Duke. The accidental shooting
of Kurt adds a surprising twist and
HEATHER DUKE raises the stakes for the characters.
Very very. The photographs? Originality: 0
J.D.
Don't worry. I'll ask you to do a favour,
one you'll enjoy. You'll get the
negatives and everything back then. Character Development
J.D. launches away from his desk with a grin. Characters: 9
He places a
red ribbon on HEATHER DUKE's desk. The characters are well-developed and
their personalities shine through their
J.D. dialogue and actions. Veronica is
In the meantime, strength, And hey, conflicted but determined, J.D. is
there's a little gift. manipulative and charismatic, and
95 INT. THE GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 95 Heather Duke is vulnerable yet
cunning.
A spooked HEATHER DUKE splashes water on Character Changes: 7
her face and looks up
into the mirror. In a trance, she pulls her hair Heather Duke experiences a subtle
back Heather change as she imitates Heather
Chandler fashion and ties it with the ribbon Chandler and gains confidence.
J.D. gave her. Veronica's confrontation with Heather
A BETTY FINN-A-LIKE moves up to the sink Duke showcases her growing
beside her. Two CHIC disillusionment with the social

BABES enter the bathroom with pouting dynamics at Westerburg.
expressions. Seemingly
in a trance, HEATHER DUKE bends over and Internal Goal: 0
wipes off her wet hands
using the oblivious BETTY FINN-A-LIKE's External Goal: 0
dress. HEATHER DUKE
winks to the now-giggling CHIC BABES and
saunters off.
96 INT. HALLWAY -- DAY 96 Scene Elements
HEATHER DUKE bursts through the bathroom Conflict Level: 8
door to wickedly
strut down the hall. She scowls/smiles in There is a moderate level of conflict in
perfect Heather the scene, primarily driven by the
Chandler fashion to various passers-by. power struggles between the
characters and the revelation of
97 ANOTHER HALLWAY -- DAY 97 blackmail. The accidental shooting of
Kurt adds a sudden and intense
Disoriented, VERONICA somnambulates down conflict.
the hall. She suddenly Opposition: 0
brakes amid the flow of Student traffic to
stare at a locker.
The locker wears a POLICE LINE--DO NOT High Stakes: 8
CROSS sticker. VERONICA
pulls out a School Spirit Club I.D. Card and The stakes are high as Veronica and
moves to the locker. J.D. manipulate others and navigate
the consequences of their actions. The
With the card, she wrangles the locker open. accidental shooting of Kurt raises the
It contains a stakes even further.
coat, recognizably Heather Chandler's. On
the inside door is a Story Forward: 9
sizable mirror, a cute little "HEATHER" license
plate, an The scene moves the story forward by
Alexander Haig For President sticker, and a advancing the plan to fake the deaths
picture of VERONICA of Kurt and Ram, deepening the
and the HEATHERS all wearing sunglasses conflict between the characters, and
and acting tough. setting up future events.
VERONICA zeroes in on a three frame Photo Unpredictability: 0
Booth picture. In
the first frame, VERONICA and HEATHER
CHANDLER stare Philosophical Conflict: 0

stonefaced. In the second frame, the two girls
are screaming
at the top of their lungs. In the third frame,
they have
returned to a stonefaced state. VERONICA Audience Engagement
touches the picture Emotional Impact: 7
with a quivering smile as two hands flap
around her eyes. The scene elicits a range of emotions,
HEATHER DUKE including amusement, cynicism, and
Guess who? surprise. The accidental shooting of
Kurt adds a moment of shock and
VERONICA sadness.
Heather. Dialogue: 10
VERONICA turns around, stunned. The The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled
Heather Chandleresque with dark humor. It effectively conveys
HEATHER DUKE can be seen in the locker the characters' cynicism and adds
mirror. VERONICA depth to their interactions.
violently pushes HEATHER DUKE away and
storms off. Engagement: 0
HEATHER DUKE peers in the open locker. A Pacing: 0
pair of red earrings
flash out at her. Biting her lip, she reaches for
them.
98 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 98 Technical Aspect
Lying on the floor, VERONICA concentrates Formatting: 0
on her phone. With
a deep sigh, she pushbuttons out a number. Structure: 0
She pauses, then...
VERONICA
Ouch. Your machine's got the most
obnoxious beep. Heather, I'm sorry.
99 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- Critique
NIGHT 99 The scene lacks clear transitions
between locations, making it confusing
VERONICA's voice drones through HEATHER for the reader to follow the action.
DUKE's answering machine.
The dialogue feels forced and

VERONICA (O.S./machine) unnatural, particularly in the
I'm just calling to say you can conversation between J.D. and Heather
wear your hair any way you want to. Duke.
The blackmail plot involving the photos
A Male hand picks up the phone. It's College of Heather Duke and Martha feels
boy DAVID. contrived and lacks depth.
DAVID inconsistent, shifting between tense
Hey Veronica Sawyer, barf on and manipulative without a clear
anybody's carpet lately? purpose.
The visual elements are not effectively
100 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT utilized to enhance the storytelling or
100 create a visually engaging scene.
The conflict between Veronica and
VERONICA cringes. Heather Duke is not fully explored or
resolved in this scene.
VERONICA The scene lacks a clear narrative arc
Is this David? Heather's David? and fails to advance the overall story or
What are you doing.... character development.
101 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM --
NIGHT 101
Suggestions
DAVID Consider revising the scene to provide
What can I say? I was pretty broken clearer transitions between locations,
up by Heather C.'s suicide. I needed making it easier for the reader to follow
somebody super-sensitive like Heather D. the action.
102 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Work on improving the dialogue to
make it more natural and authentic,
102 ensuring that it reflects the unique
VERONICA voices and personalities of the
I'm delirious for the both of you. characters.
Can you put Heather on? Reevaluate the blackmail plot involving
the photos of Heather Duke and
103 INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM -- Martha, considering whether it adds
NIGHT 103 depth and complexity to the story or if
it feels contrived.
DAVID proudly looks down off-screen to his Refine the emotional tone of the scene
to create a more consistent and
lap. purposeful atmosphere that aligns with
DAVID the overall themes and tone of the
screenplay.
She can't really talk right now. Explore ways to utilize the visual
elements more effectively, such as
104 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT using them to enhance the storytelling,
104 create visual symbolism, or evoke
specific emotions.
VERONICA slams down the receiver and pulls Develop the conflict between Veronica
up a sleek leather and Heather Duke further, allowing it to
address book. She severely scans through it. drive the scene and provide
Tossing it away, opportunities for character growth and
VERONICA then descends into the sundry resolution.
junk of her night Ensure that the scene has a clear
table drawer and draws up another address narrative arc that advances the overall
book. story and contributes to the
This one is frayed and pink polka-dotted. She development of the characters and
peruses it and themes.
dials.....
VERONICA
Hello, Betty.....
Scene 21 - Croquet and Cynicism

105 EXT. SAWYER BACKYARD -- LATE Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
AFTERNOON 105
BETTY FINN hits her ball through a wicket and
squeals in Summary
delight. VERONICA has a motherly smile on Veronica and J.D. play croquet with Betty
her face. while discussing their frustrations and
BETTY cynicism surrounding Heather Chandler's
I don't believe it. I'm winning. funeral. Heather Duke joins them and
engages in condescending conversation.
VERONICA Veronica confronts Heather Duke about
Don't get cocky, girl. imitating Heather Chandler. J.D. arrives and
suggests continuing their plan. Veronica
BETTY bends down to shoot then raises her becomes angry and J.D. leaves. Martha
body back up. Dunnstock is shown alone in the gym,
feeling isolated. Veronica returns home and
BETTY watches a video of Pauline Fleming
I missed you. I know I'm not as, as discussing the Westerburg Suicides.
exciting as your other friends. Veronica becomes angry and turns off the
TV.
VERONICA
That's bullshit. Just shoot. Strengths Weaknesses
BETTY once again bends and raises. Sharp and Limited
sarcastic character
BETTY dialogue development
Ronnie, I'm still a virgin. I french- Effective Lack of depth
portrayal of in exploring
kissed Al Springer once but he... dark humor the theme
VERONICA and cynicism
(warmly) Strong
Shoot. emotional
impact
BETTY finally shoots. Feebly.
VERONICA Ratings
Betty, your daydreams are a lot
better than my realities, believe
me. I'm afraid though it's time to die.
Overall
Overall: 8
BETTY
Ronnie! The scene effectively showcases the
dark humor and cynicism of the
VEONCIA gigglingly shoots, but misses the characters, while also highlighting their
wicket. And instead frustrations and disillusionment. The
hits BETTY's ball. Disturbed by the sudden dialogue is sharp and sarcastic, adding
dilemma, she to the overall tone of the scene. The
determinedly walks to her ball and moves it conflict between Veronica and Heather
away from BETTY's. Duke adds tension and drives the plot
forward. The emotional impact is
BETTY strong, particularly in Veronica's anger
Hey, you're not settling for the two shots and frustration. The scene could be
are you? Knock me out girl. It's the only way. improved by further developing the
character changes and exploring the
VERONICA theme in more depth.
It's not my style, okay?
BETTY
Nice guys finish last. I should know. Story Content
Concept: 7
VERONICA sighs then knocks BETTY's
adjacent ball sailing The concept of exploring the dark side

toward the porch and a statuesque Earring- of teenage life and the disillusionment
wearing HEATHER with popularity and superficiality is
DUKE, who does not budge as the ball well-executed in this scene. The use of
whizzes past her. dark humor and cynicism adds depth
to the characters and the overall tone
HEATHER DUKE of the story.
Brav-O! Plot: 7
BETTY FINN The plot of the scene revolves around
(nervously)
I've got to get going, Veronica. Veronica and J.D.'s frustrations with
VERONICA Heather Chandler's funeral and their
Sure. plan to fake the deaths of Kurt and
Ram. The conflict between Veronica
HEATHER DUKE walks toward the girls and Heather Duke adds tension and
followed by a meandering drives the plot forward. The accidental
desultory HEATHER MCNAMARA, who picks shooting of Kurt adds a surprising
up a green mallet and twist to the plot.
fragilely swings it; her early robustness a Originality: 0
forgotten memory.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Croquet won't be the same without Heather.
HEATHER DUKE
(condescendingly to the passing Betty) Characters: 9
Oh Betty, leaving so soon...HEY, I'M RED!
The characters in this scene are well-
LATER IN THE GAME developed and their personalities shine
through in their dialogue and
Red ball underfoot, HEATHER DUKE savagely interactions. Veronica is shown as a
"sends" HEATHER disillusioned and sarcastic teenager,
MCNAMARA's green ball into the flower bed. while J.D. is mysterious and
unpredictable. Heather Duke is
HEATHER MCNAMARA condescending and manipulative.
Shit. Martha Dunnstock is portrayed as
lonely and isolated.
HEATHER DUKE Character Changes: 6
You know what really bites; when people
watch that cafeteria stuff on TV and see There is some character development
all those Geeks and Metalheads jumping in this scene, particularly in Veronica's
around, they're going to think Uncool growing anger and frustration.
is the Rule at Westerburg.....Damn! However, the changes are not

significant or transformative.
HEATHER DUKE's shot swerves wide of the
wicket. Internal Goal: 0
VERONICA External Goal: 0
You're so polluted. Talking down to
people, making fake notes....
VERONICA blows her shot.
HEATHER DUKE
Scene Elements
I don't see what gives you the right Conflict Level: 8
to lecture, RONNIE. You were
soulmates with Betty Finn until you The conflict between Veronica and
realized you're the cover of Heather Duke adds tension and drives
Seventeen magazine and she's the the scene forward. The accidental
before half of a Scarsdale Diet ad. shooting of Kurt adds a surprising
twist and increases the conflict.
HEATHER DUKE bashes her ball into Opposition: 0
VERONICA's and prepares
to send it.
High Stakes: 6
HEATHER DUKE
Some people just don't matter. Why The stakes in this scene are not
should those who do carry their particularly high, but the accidental
weight? Am I right? shooting of Kurt raises the stakes and
adds a sense of danger.
As HEATHER DUKE swings down her mallet,
VERONICA steps on her Story Forward: 7
own ball. When HEATHER DUKE's mallet
makes contact, the two The scene moves the story forward by
balls slam against each other, unmoving, with showcasing the characters'
a loud smack. frustrations and setting up future
VERONICA conflicts. The accidental shooting of
No, you're wrong. It's not even Kurt adds a surprising twist and
your turn. propels the plot forward.
The depressed and disoriented HEATHER Unpredictability: 0
MCNAMARA, laying
against a tree, pipes in. Philosophical Conflict: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA
She's right.....Boy, croquet's not

the same without Heather. Audience Engagement
HEATHER DUKE Emotional Impact: 8
(shaking out her wrist)
I don't know what your damage is The scene evokes strong emotions,
Veronica, but me and Heather are particularly in Veronica's anger and
going to walk over to the Mall. frustration. The portrayal of Martha's
Maybe by the time we head back, loneliness also elicits empathy.
your tampon'll be flushed.
Dialogue: 9
As HEATHER DUKE and HEATHER
MCNAMARA meander out the back of The dialogue in this scene is sharp,
the yard, an annoyed VERONICA revolves sarcastic, and filled with dark humor. It
back toward the house effectively conveys the cynicism and
to see J.D. sitting comfortably at the patio frustrations of the characters. The
table with a exchanges between Veronica and
drink. Heather Duke are particularly engaging
and highlight the conflict between
VERONICA them.
Christ, doesn't anybody knock? Engagement: 0
J.D.
Mummy and Daddy let me in. So I'm a Pacing: 0
dark horse, huh? You make me blush...
VERONICA reaches the patio, gently swinging
her croquet mallet,
excited with the thought that J.D. has come to Technical Aspect
change his ways. Formatting: 0
VERONICA
Did you come to tell me something? Structure: 0
Something nice. Remotely apologetic.
J.D.
(oblivious)
How about that Heather Duke, huh? I
say it's about time we got down to Critique
doing what we do best. The scene lacks clear focus and
purpose. It jumps between different
VERONICA characters and locations without a
(angrily blowing up at her bangs) clear narrative thread.
Just finish your drink and get out. The dialogue feels forced and
unnatural at times, particularly in the
VERONICA storms to the patio door. conversation between Betty and
Veronica.
106 - 114 OMIT 106 - 114 The emotional tone of the scene is
inconsistent, shifting between
115 INT. GYM -- DUSK 115 lightheartedness, nostalgia,
disappointment, and frustration
Wearing a BigFun T-shirt, MARTHA without a clear throughline.
DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK sits in The visual elements are not effectively
the bleachers glumly sipping out of a cup of utilized to enhance the storytelling or
Coke. Cheers and create a cohesive visual style.
shouts can be heard booming around her. The conflicts introduced in the scene
As she places the cup down beside her, it is are not fully explored or resolved,
revealed MARTHA leaving the audience with a sense of
is completely alone in the gym; the others dissatisfaction.
being sad workings The scene lacks a strong sense of
of her embattled imagination. pacing and structure, making it feel
disjointed and confusing for the reader.
She lifts the cup back up to her mouth but the The character motivations and
plastic lid relationships are not clearly
pops off and a gush of Coke splashes onto established, making it difficult for the
her BigFun T-shirt. audience to fully engage with the
scene.
116 INY. THE SAWYER LIVING ROOM -- DUSK The scene lacks a clear climax or
116 resolution, leaving the audience
without a satisfying payoff.
With her croquet mallet, VERONICA comes
into her house,
sliding the patio door closed. MOM and DAD
are watching a Suggestions
video image of PAULINE FLEMING at a Consider streamlining the scene by
cafeteria table. focusing on one or two key conflicts
MOM and characters, rather than trying to
include every character and location.
Jason's kinda cute for a dark horse. Work on improving the dialogue to
PAULINE (T.V.) make it more natural and authentic,
ensuring that each character has a
The Westerburg Suicides were tough on distinct voice.
all of us, but we shared the pain of Establish a consistent emotional tone
losing three very popular souls. throughout the scene to create a more
DAD cohesive and engaging experience for
the audience.
I don't know about that coat he was Utilize the visual elements to enhance
wearing though. Hey, isn't that the the storytelling and create a visually
flake we met at Open House. compelling scene.
Develop the conflicts introduced in the
A zombie VERONICA floats past her parents scene further, allowing them to build to
to stare at the T.V. a climax and resolution that satisfies
the audience.
PAULINE (T.V.) Revisit the pacing and structure of the
I came into the cafeteria and scene to ensure that it flows smoothly
asked them to hold hands. The and effectively engages the reader.
response was immediate. Clarify the character motivations and
relationships to make them more
Footage of the frenzied handholding Students compelling and relatable to the
unfolds upon the audience.
screen with no evidence of the calculation Craft a clear climax and resolution for
behind it. the scene that provides a satisfying
PAULINE's sanctimoniously dulcet tones go payoff for the audience.
over the image.
PAULINE (V.O./T.V.)
My mere words liberated the students,
causing them to open their petals and
reveal their hopes and fears. By a
stroke of luck, T.V. cameras were
fortunate enough to happen to be on
hand to capture this spontaneous,
natural emotional outpouring of emotion.
VERONICA
Happened to be on hand....spontaneous
natural emotional outpouring!
VERONICA clams up in anger as her parents
babble.
DAD
Look there's Heather.
MOM
And there's Heather. Where are
you, Veronica?
The video image of PAULINE at a cafeteria
table returns.
PAULINE (T.V.)
Whether to commit suicide is the most
important decision a teenager has to
make. With supervision from people like
myself, we can help young people make
the right decision.
With her croquet, VERONICA slams the on/off
Button and
turns to her parents.
VERONICA
I'm right here.
Scene 22 - Cynical Reflections

117 EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL -- DUSK Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
117
MARTHA trudges outside of the school, the
coke stain still Summary
grotesquely encrusted to her BigFun T-shirt. Veronica and J.D. discuss their frustration
She pins an with the chaos surrounding Heather
illegible-except-for-the-words-DEAR- Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the
WESTERBURG note onto her deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in
shirt, over the stain. She continues moving dark humor and cynicism as they interact
toward a street with their parents. The scene ends with
of passing cars. Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt,
resulting in his death.
118 INT. SAWYER FAMILY/T.V. ROOM --
DUSK/NIGHT 118 Strengths Weaknesses
"The scene "The accidental
The Sawyer family is on fire. VERONICA yanks effectively shooting of Kurt
the television captures the dark may be seen as a
cord from its socket. humor and sudden and
cynicism of the unexpected event,
MOM characters, potentially
Turn that back on! advancing the plot disrupting the
and showcasing
VERONICA their frustration overall tone of the

Can't you see, these little programs with superficiality." scene."
eat up suicide with a spoon. They make
it seem like a cool thing to do.
Ratings
DAD
If we're not going to watch that
program, can I put on the game?
Overall
Overall: 9
VERONICA
Hey kids, make your parents and The scene effectively captures the
teachers feel like shit! Get the dark humor and cynicism of the
respect in death you'll never get characters, providing a strong
in life! emotional impact and advancing the
plot.
MOM
Are you trying to tell me it is NOT
a troubled time for the nation's youth?
Get up off the floor, your dress is Story Content
getting filthy. Concept: 8
VERONICA The concept of faking deaths and
Everybody cares about YOUTH, not the exploring the superficiality of events is
individual. All we want is to be treated intriguing and well-executed.
like human beings, not like guinea pigs
to be experimented on and not like Plot: 9
bunny rabbits to be patronized.
DAD The plot progresses significantly with
I do not patronize bunny rabbits. the discussion of the plan to fake
deaths and the accidental shooting of
MOM Kurt.
Treated like human beings? Is that Originality: 0
what you said little Miss Voice of
a Generation? Just how do you think
adults act with other adults? You
think it's all just Doubles Tennis.
Adults can be horrible to other adults.
When teenagers complain that they
want to be treated like human beings, Characters: 9
it's usually because they ARE being
treated like human beings. The characters' frustration, dark
humor, and cynicism are well-
VERONICA leans against the wall with a
melancholy smile. developed and contribute to the

overall tone of the scene.
I guess I picked the wrong time
to be a human being. While there is not significant character
MOM is embarassed for getting so involved. change in this scene, it sets up the
She meekly gestures potential for change in future events.
to a tray of pate with a compassionate smile. Internal Goal: 0
MOM
You'll live. Want some pate? External Goal: 0
HEATHER DUKE suddenly breezes in the
room, out of breath,
holding various shopping bags.
Scene Elements
HEATHER DUKE Conflict Level: 7
Hi everyone, door was open. Have you
heard, Veronica? We were doing Chinese There is a moderate level of conflict in
at the Food Fair, right, when they the scene, primarily driven by the
come over the radio and say Martha characters' frustration and their plan to
Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She fake deaths.
bellyflopped in front of a car,
wearing a suicide note. Opposition: 0
VERONICA
(repulsed) High Stakes: 8
Is she dead?
The stakes are high as the characters
HEATHER DUKE plan to fake deaths and face potential
That's the punchline. She's still consequences for their actions.
alive, in stable condition. Another Story Forward: 9
case of a geek trying to imitate the
popular people of the school and The scene moves the story forward by
failing miserably. Is that pate? advancing the plan to fake deaths and
VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE in the face. introducing conflicts with Heather
Duke.
119 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Unpredictability: 0
119
HEATHER DUKE paces the room holding an
icepack to her jaw. Philosophical Conflict: 0

VERONICA is glumly sprawled on the ground.
VERONICA
I said I was sorry.
HEATHER DUKE Audience Engagement
You are out of control. Heather and Emotional Impact: 8
Kurt were a shock, but Martha
Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed The scene evokes a range of emotions,
suicide hotlines in her diapers. including humor, cynicism, and shock
VERONICA with the accidental shooting of Kurt.
You're not funny. Turn on the radio. Dialogue: 9
HEATHER DUKE The dialogue effectively conveys the
(Heather Chandleresque) characters' emotions, humor, and
Martha couldn't take the heat so she cynicism, adding depth to their
got out of the kitchen. Just think interactions.
what a better place the world would
be if every nimrod followed her cue. Engagement: 0
VERONICA Pacing: 0
Just shut up and turn on the radio.
Hot Probs is on.
HEATHER DUKE
Oh shit, yeah. Technical Aspect
HEATHER DUKE hastens to the radio and Formatting: 0
flicks it on. Ripping
open a bag of corn nuts, she sets herself Structure: 0
down next to
VERONICA as a TROUBLED MALE VOICE cuts
the air.
TROUBLED MALE VOICE (Radio)
I know it's supposed to be funny Critique
that they never get off the island, The scene starts with Martha trudging
but still, sometimes I feel like I'M outside of the school, which sets a
on that island and Gilligan can be just somber tone for the rest of the scene.
so STUPID sometimes. Veronica's argument with her parents
about the media's portrayal of suicide
HEATHER DUKE
This sounds like a good one. is a strong moment that highlights her
frustration and cynicism.
120 INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH -- NIGHT Heather Duke's entrance and her
120 insensitive comments about Martha's
suicide attempt add tension to the
A slob D.J. cackles into a conference call-type scene.
box. Veronica's slap to Heather Duke's face
is a powerful moment that shows her
D.J. anger and frustration.
Dude, you've got to remember if it The transition to Veronica's bedroom
wasn't for the courage of the fearless feels abrupt and could be smoother.
crew, the Minnow would be lost. The The Troubled Male Voice on the radio
Minnow would be lost! Next call! adds an interesting layer to the scene
and provides some dark humor.
TROUBLED MALE VOICE Heather McNamara's phone call and
But Skipper hates me... her confession about the guy she had
sex with killing himself adds depth to
The D.J. rudely clicks off the TROUBLED her character and highlights the dark
MALE VOICE. themes of the scene.
The scene ends with Heather
D.J. McNamara sobbing, which leaves a
Whoa, they're coming out early tonight. strong emotional impact.
What ever happened to abortions and acne?
You've got the Dogcatcher and you're
listening to Hot Probs.
121 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM Suggestions
-- NIGHT 121 Consider adding more visual
descriptions to enhance the
HEATHER MCNAMARA is sitting clandestinely atmosphere and mood of the scene.
on her bedroom floor Smooth out the transition between the
talking on the phone and through her radio. A different locations to create a more
dim lamp seamless flow.
provides the room's only light. Explore the dynamics between the
HEATHER MCNAMARA characters further to deepen the
My name is Heather, I mean, not Heather. conflicts and tensions.
Consider adding more dialogue that
HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up at a reveals the characters' inner thoughts
and emotions.
Madonna poster on the wall. Consider adding more actions or
HEATHER MCNAMARA gestures to convey the characters'
It's Madonna. Geez, no, not that. emotions and reactions.
Consider adding more subtext and
layers to the dialogue to make it more
HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up to a knick- nuanced and impactful.

knack of little gold bird. Consider adding more sensory details
to immerse the reader in the scene and
122 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT enhance the emotional impact.
122
VERONICA and HEATHER DUKE
simultaneously move into stunned
silence.
D.J. (radio)
Hey babe, I need a name?
123 INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH -- NIGHT
123
HEATHER MCNAMARA (box)
My name is Tweety.
D.J.
Yo, Tweet, if you're going to tell
me you just saw a puttycat....
124 INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM
-- NIGHT 124
A broken-down HEATHER MCNAMARA sobs.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
God has cursed me, I think. The
last time I had sex, the guy killed
himself the next day. I'm failing Math.
Scene 23 - Veronica and J.D. Discuss Chaos and Faking Deaths

125 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
125
HEATHER DUKE excitedlly jumps up as
HEATHER MCNAMARA drones on.
HEATHER DUKE HEATHER MCNAMARA

(radio) Summary
Holy shit, that's My whole life is a mess. Veronica and J.D. discuss their frustration
Heather! We'll I was supposed to be with the chaos surrounding Heather
crucify her! captain of the cheerleading Chandler's funeral and their plan to fake the
team, but I probably won't deaths of Kurt and Ram. They engage in
VERONICA because I miss practice when dark humor and cynicism as they interact
Oh man, she knows we my Dad visits. My with their parents. The scene ends with
parents Veronica accidentally shooting Kurt,
listen to this show! are divorced and stuff resulting in his death.
and....
126 INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY 126 Strengths Weaknesses
"The strengths of "One potential
A blackboard reads POOR LITTLE HEATHER. this scene include weakness is that
the sharp and the scene may be
VERONICA (V.O.) witty dialogue, the too dark and
Heather told everyone about Heather. dark humor and cynical for some
cynicism, the audiences.
HEATHER MCNAMARA is revealed in the front significant plot Additionally, the
row wearing her development, and transition from
cheerleader uniform. To the left, HEATHER the emotional discussing chaos
DUKE dishes with impact of the and faking deaths
some dreamy GUYS. At the back of the accidental to the accidental
classroom, VERONICA, shooting." shooting may feel
monocle in eye, writes in her diary. abrupt to some
viewers."
VERONICA (V.O.)
Yes, Dear Diary, I've cut off Heather
Chandler's head and Heather Duke's head Ratings
has sprouted in its place like some
mythological thing my eighth grade
boyfriend would know about. Heather's
Overall
even doing the old note trick. Overall: 9
A HOMELY GIRL is seen reading a note, The scene is highly engaging and
glancing to a TYPICAL JOCK. impactful, with strong dialogue and a
VERONICA takes in the wicked panorama of significant plot twist. The dark humor
the classroom. and cynicism add depth to the
characters and the overall tone of the
VERONICA (V.O.) scene.
I've seen J.D.'s way. I've seen Pauline's way.
Nothing's changed. I guess that's Heather's
way. And jesus, what about J.D.? I can't get

him out of my head. Are we going to the Story Content
Prom? Concept: 8
Or to Hell? And where's Heather going?
The concept of faking deaths and the
HEATHER MCNAMARA suddenly rises and chaos surrounding a funeral is
walks out of the classroom, intriguing and adds tension to the
passing a GRUFF TEACHER in a trenchcoat, story. The scene effectively explores
carrying a briefcase. the consequences and moral dilemmas
associated with this concept.
GRUFF TEACHER
Where's Heather going? Plot: 9
HEATHER DUKE The plot progresses significantly in this
She's going to CRY-Y-Y. scene, with the discussion of faking
deaths and the accidental shooting of
127 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 127 Kurt. The scene introduces new
conflicts and raises the stakes for the
HEATHER MCNAMARA struggles to open a characters.
bottle of sleeping pills. Originality: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Fucking child protector caps.
128 INT. THE GRUFF TEACHER'S
CLASSROOM -- DAY 128
Characters: 9
GRUFF TEACHER writes a math problem on
the board. A flustered The characters are well-developed and
VERONICA squirms in her seat then leaps up their frustrations and cynicism are
and runs to the door. effectively portrayed. Veronica and
J.D. have a complex dynamic, and
GRUFF TEACHER Heather Duke adds condescending
Now where's she going? Is somebody getting conversation to the scene.
raped today on All My Children or what? Character Changes: 8
129 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 129
130 INT. HALLWAY -- DAY 130 Veronica experiences a significant
character change as she accidentally
VERONICA races down the hall. shoots Kurt, leading to guilt and
remorse. This event also impacts J.D.'s
131 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM -- DAY 131 character arc and their relationship.
HEATHER MCNAMARA is a chipmunk with a Internal Goal: 0

mouthful of pills.
She pulls a glass from her purse and turns on External Goal: 0
a faucet, but no
water comes out. She manages to mumble.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
Give me a break. Scene Elements
Conflict Level: 9
HEATHER MCNAMARA gets running water
from another sink as The conflict in the scene is high, with
VERONICA rushes in. VERONICA punches tensions rising between Veronica and
HEATHER MCNAMARA's face J.D., and the accidental shooting of
causing the pills to explode out of her mouth. Kurt leading to a major turning point in
HEATHER the story.
MCNAMARA slumps against a stall, onto the
floor. Opposition: 0
HEATHER MCNAMARA High Stakes: 9
What are you trying to do? Kill me?
VERONICA jumps up and down on the pills on The stakes are high in this scene, with
the floor. the characters planning to fake deaths
and the accidental shooting resulting
VERONICA in a character's death. The
What were YOU trying to do? Sleep? consequences of their actions have
significant implications for the story.
HEATHER MCNAMARA Story Forward: 9
Suicide is a private thing.
VERONICA lunges forward to strike her. introducing new conflicts, raising the
HEATHER MCNAMARA stakes, and leading to a major plot
recoils with a wail. Half-regaining her development with the accidental
composure, VERONICA shooting of Kurt.
slides down next to HEATHER MCNAMARA.
Unpredictability: 0
VERONICA
You're giving your life away to Philosophical Conflict: 0
become a goddamn statistic in U.S.
Fucking A Today. That's got to be
the least private thing I can think of.
HEATHER MCNAMARA
But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt? Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 8
VERONICA
If everyone jumped off a bridge, The scene evokes a range of emotions,
young lady, would you? including frustration, cynicism, and
shock. The accidental shooting of Kurt
HEATHER MCNAMARA wipes tears from her adds a tragic element and raises the
eyes and smiles weakly. emotional stakes for the characters.
HEATHER MCNAMARA Dialogue: 10
Probably....
The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled
VERONICA with dark humor. It effectively conveys
Hey now, if you were happy every day the frustrations and cynicism of the
of your life, you wouldn't be a human characters, as well as their motivations
being, you'd be a game show host. and conflicts.
HEATHER MCNAMARA Engagement: 0
Let's knock off early. Buy some shoes.
Something lame like that.
Pacing: 0
VERONICA
Sure.
132 INT. THE EMPTY CLASSROOM -- DAY
132 Technical Aspect
Comfortably slouched at a desk, J.D. Formatting: 0
laconically rumbles.
Structure: 0
J.D.
So it's come to this.
(turning to the viewer)
Heather Chandler did polls. I want you
to do a Petition, as a favor, as THE
favor. You've heard the group Big Fun, right? Critique
The scene lacks clear transitions
HEATHER DUKE sits at the desk opposite him between locations, making it confusing
torching THE for the reader to follow the action.
manilla envelopes (photographs) with a The dialogue between Heather Duke
butane lighter. and Heather McNamara feels forced
and lacks depth, making it difficult for
HEATHER DUKE
TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT! the audience to connect with the

characters.
J.D. The scene lacks visual descriptions
(post-chortle) and actions, making it visually
Some teenybopper rag said that Big Fun uninteresting and static.
wants The emotional tone of the scene is
to play a Prom. It could be Westerburg's inconsistent, shifting abruptly from
if we can get everyone's John Hancock. excitement to despair without proper
build-up or development.
J.D. flips across a stack of blank, connected The conflict between Veronica and
computer Heather McNamara is resolved too
printout sheets. At the top is a small quickly and easily, undermining the
paragraph and the word gravity of the situation.
PETITION. HEATHER DUKE blows ashes off The dialogue lacks subtlety and
her desk and grabs it, nuance, relying too heavily on clichés
giggling. and melodrama.
The scene lacks a clear narrative
HEATHER DUKE purpose and fails to advance the
I'll get right on it coach. And hey, overall story or character arcs.
a little gift. I won't be needing it.
HEATHER DUKE twirls her copy of Catcher in
the Rye to a Suggestions
pleased J.D. Add clear transitions and visual cues to
133 INT. STAIRCASE WINDOW -- DAY 133 indicate changes in location and time.
Develop the dialogue between Heather
HEATHER DUKE gothically ascends a Duke and Heather McNamara to make
it more authentic and emotionally
staircase, holding the resonant.
petition. She stops, arms raised high, to bathe Include more visual descriptions and
in the actions to make the scene visually
sunlight blasting through the staircase engaging and dynamic.
window. Establish a consistent emotional tone
134 INT. CAFETERIA -- DAY 134 throughout the scene by carefully
crafting the characters' reactions and
interactions.
HEATHER DUKE, petition in hand, sashays Extend the conflict between Veronica
toward the Country and Heather McNamara, allowing for a
Club Kids table. more meaningful resolution that
COURTNEY reflects the gravity of the situation.
Revise the dialogue to make it more
Oh great. Here comes Heather. nuanced and realistic, avoiding clichés
and melodrama.
KEITH Ensure that the scene serves a clear

Shit. narrative purpose and contributes to
135 INT. SCHOOL BUS -- DAY 135 the overall story and character
development.
HEATHER DUKE chirps to a schoolbusful of
various STUDENTS.
136 EXT. SCHOOL LAWN -- DAY 136
The provocatively dressed Petitioner charms
a patch of Jocks.
137 INT. STAIRCASE WINDOW -- DAY 137
HEATHER DUKE continues to bizarrely bathe
in the sunlight of
the staircase window.
Strategically wearing Heavy Metal
accessories, HEATHER DUKE
slams down the petition atop a car-hoodful of
Metalheads.
139 INT. STONERS' HALLWAY -- DAY 139
Decked out in denim, HEATHER DUKE
vanishes into the Stoner
Hallway smoke, with the petition.
Scene 24 - Veronica Confronts Heather Duke

140 INT. THE STAIRCASE WINDOW -- DAY Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]
140
HEATHER DUKE further writhes in the
sunlight until VERONICA's Summary
perplexed voice cuts into her bliss. Veronica confronts Heather Duke about
imitating Heather Chandler and their plan to
VERONICA (O.S.) fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. J.D. joins
Heather? them and suggests continuing the plan.
Veronica becomes angry and J.D. leaves.
HEATHER DUKE brings down her arms and Veronica returns home and finds a
the petition and turns disturbing note. J.D. appears in her
to VERONICA, revealed to be descending bedroom and they engage in a tense
down the steps. conversation.
HEATHER DUKE Strengths Weaknesses
Veronica! Color me stoked, girl. I've Sharp and Some
gotten EVERYONE to sign this petition engaging moments of
even the one who think BigFun are dialogue confusion in
tuneless Eurofags. People love me! Effective the dialogue
(giggling) portrayal of
My God, you haven't signed! emotions and
VERONICA conflicts
Exploration of
People love you but I know you. dark themes
Jennifer Forbes told me the petition
she signed was to put a hot tub in
the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton...
Ratings
HEATHER DUKE
(verbally winking)
So some people need different kinds
Overall
of "convincing" than others.... Overall: 9
(happiness evaporating)
Hey, just sign the petition! The scene effectively captures the
dark and cynical tone of the film, while
VERONICA also advancing the plot and developing
HEATHER DUKE the characters. The dialogue is sharp
It was J.D.'s idea! He made and engaging, and the conflict
out the signature sheet and between Veronica and J.D. adds
everything. Now will you sign it? tension to the scene.
VERONICA
(queasy)
No. Story Content
Concept: 8
HEATHER DUKE
Jealous much? The concept of faking deaths and
exploring the dark side of teenage life
VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE with all her is intriguing and unique. It adds depth
might. to the story and allows for exploration

of themes such as identity and
VERONICA friendship.
Heather, why can't you just be a Plot: 9
friend? Why are you such a MegaBitch?
HEATHER DUKE The plot of the scene revolves around
Because I can be! The same fucking cheek, Veronica confronting Heather Duke
goddamnit! Why are you pulling my dick? and the tension between Veronica and
Do you think, do you really think, if J.D. It moves the story forward by
Betty Finn's fairy godmother made HER revealing the characters' motivations
Cool, she'd still act nice and hang with and setting up future events.
her dweebette friends? No way! Uh-Uh! Originality: 0
HEATHER DUKE stumbles down the stairs.
HEATHER DUKE
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... Character Development
J.D.'s voice cuts into VERONICA's Characters: 9
concentration.
The characters are well-developed and
J.D. (O.S.) their interactions are believable.
Wanna go out tonight? Veronica's anger and frustration,
Heather Duke's condescension, and
VERONICA grimly turns to see a smirking, J.D.'s manipulative nature are all
descending J.D. effectively portrayed.
J.D. Character Changes: 8
Catch a movie? Some miniature Golf? Veronica experiences a range of
VERONICA emotions in this scene, from anger to
(jokingly but caustically) confusion to determination. Her
I was thinking more along the lines confrontation with Heather Duke and
of slitting Heather Duke's wrists her interaction with J.D. reveal her
open and making it look like a suicide. growth and development as a
character.
J.D. seductively slides behind VERONICA and Internal Goal: 0
envelops her.
J.D. External Goal: 0
I could be up for that. I've already
started underlining MEANINGFUL passages
in Heather's copy of Catcher in the Rye,

if you know what I mean. This is great,
Veronica. I knew you'd come back. Scene Elements
As in the Chandler kitchen scene, J.D. kisses Conflict Level: 9
the back of
VERONICA's neck and she closes her eyes. The conflict between Veronica and
Suddenly she rifles Heather Duke, as well as the tension
her elbow into his stomach, doubling him between Veronica and J.D., adds
over. She screams in intensity and keeps the audience
his ear then bolts down the stairs as he gasps engaged.
after her.
Opposition: 0
VERONICA
It's over, J.D. Over! Grow up! High Stakes: 8
J.D. The stakes are high in this scene as
I don't get it! You were wrong! I was Veronica confronts Heather Duke and
right! Strength, damnit! Come back! makes a decision about her
141 INT. SAWYER LIVING ROOM -- DUSK 141 involvement in the plan to fake the
deaths of Kurt and Ram. The
Intensely clutching her schoolbooks, consequences of her actions could
VERONICA walks through have a significant impact on her life.
the front door into the living room where Story Forward: 9
MOM and DAD sit with
aggressively compassionate faces. The scene moves the story forward by
VERONICA is a bit confused. revealing important information about
the characters' motivations and setting
VERONICA up future events. It adds depth to the
Yes? overall narrative.
MOM and DAD glance at each other before Unpredictability: 0
MOM speaks.
MOM Philosophical Conflict: 0
Your friend Jason Dean just stopped
by. He seemed very concerned about
you. He said he thinks you might
try to kill yourself. Audience Engagement
DAD Emotional Impact: 8
You HAVE been depressed lately. Oh,
he said this is for you.
The scene evokes strong emotions,

DAD holds out an envelope. VERONICA nabs particularly anger and frustration. The
it and rips it open. audience is invested in Veronica's
The note reads, in feminine manuscript: journey and her struggle to find her
RECOGNIZE THE true identity.
HANDWRITING?
Dialogue: 10
VERONICA The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled
Oh my God....
with dark humor. It effectively conveys
VERONICA runs off, her mother's voice the characters' emotions and
trailing behind her. motivations, while also adding depth to
the scene.
MOM (O.S.) Engagement: 0
He says we should keep you away from
sharp objects, closed garages, toxic...
Pacing: 0
142 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- DUSK
142
VERONICA vaults through her bedroom door.
A Barbieish doll Technical Aspect
wearing a BigFun T-shirt hangs from a noose. Formatting: 0
With a whimper,
she swerves away from it, looks to her open
window, and then Structure: 0
dives onto her bed.
143 EXT. OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOUSE --
NIGHT 143
J.D. laconically leans against his motorcycle
Critique
with his legs The scene starts with Heather Duke
suavely crossed. He looks uo to Veronica's showing Veronica a petition and trying
bedroom window and to convince her to sign it. This
hears another whimper emerge. He puts a interaction feels a bit rushed and could
cigarette in his mouth benefit from more build-up and
and lights it with a smile. tension.
144 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT The dialogue between Veronica and
144 Heather Duke lacks depth and
complexity. It would be more
VERONICA curls into a fetal position on her interesting to explore their conflicting
bed and closes her motivations and desires in a more
nuanced way.
eyes.....tighter and tighter as J.D.'s voice. The slap that Veronica delivers to
Heather Duke feels out of place and
J.D. (O.S.) overly dramatic. It would be more
"You can't ever find a place nice effective to find a more subtle way for
and peaceful because there isn't any." Veronica to express her frustration and
disappointment.
VERONICA flops around to see J.D. kneeling The transition from Veronica's
over her on her bed confrontation with Heather Duke to
reading Heather Duke's copy of The Catcher J.D. seducing her feels abrupt and
in the Rye. disjointed. It would be helpful to
establish a smoother transition
J.D. between these two moments.
Nice. It's got that Catcher-in-the-Ryey- The presence of the hanging doll in
I-hate-the-world-and-the-world-hates-me- Veronica's room feels forced and
so-let's-commit-suicide ambience. Give overly symbolic. It would be more
it a try, underline something. effective to find a more organic way to
convey Veronica's emotional state.
J.D. giddily underlines words then slides into The dialogue between J.D. and
a prone Veronica in her bedroom lacks depth
position, tossing the book to an enraged and complexity. It would be more
VERONICA. interesting to explore their conflicting
desires and the power dynamics
VERONICA between them in a more nuanced way.
Get off my bed, you sick psycho.
You think you're a rebel. You're
not a rebel. You're a sick psycho.
(increasing rage) Suggestions
Do you think you're a rebel? Do you Consider adding more build-up and
think you're a rebel? I wanna know! tension to the interaction between
J.D. Veronica and Heather Duke. This could
be achieved through more meaningful
You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Let's dialogue and character development.
call the whole thing off...Hold it! Instead of a slap, consider finding a
VERONICA freezes and J.D. reaches up to her more subtle and nuanced way for
hand where she Veronica to express her frustration and
disappointment with Heather Duke.
holds the Catcher in the Rye. Her index finger Work on creating a smoother transition
is curled into between Veronica's confrontation with
the book. Sitting up, J.D. carefully opens the Heather Duke and J.D.'s seduction
book at that attempt. This could be achieved
place and peers in. through better pacing and more
J.D. seamless storytelling.
Look at that. Eskimo. One word. I Find a more organic and subtle way to
love it. I usually go for whole convey Veronica's emotional state,
sentences myself, but hey this is rather than relying on a hanging doll as
perfecto. Eskimo. So mysterious... a symbol.
Develop the dialogue between J.D. and
VERONICA Veronica in her bedroom to explore
Wait a....You're not listening! I'm their conflicting desires and power
not on your side.... dynamics in a more nuanced and
compelling way.
Scene 25 - Confrontation and Revelation

145 INT. THE DUKE KITCHEN -- NIGHT 145 Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]
The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard
moments before
VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door. Summary
J.D. moves to the Veronica confronts J.D. about their plan to
dishwasher and opens it like a burglar fake the deaths of Kurt and Ram. J.D.
opening a safe. dismisses her concerns and mocks
society's indifference to teenage horrors.
VERONICA He convinces Veronica to participate in the
You're still not listening! I'm not.. plan by showing her Heather Duke's room
J.D. and suggesting they continue their scheme.
(pulling out the knife) Veronica becomes distressed and tries to
Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag. stop J.D. from harming Heather Duke, but
he locks her out. The scene ends with
VERONICA Veronica waking up from a dream and
(taking the knife from him) vowing to stop J.D.
This knife is filthy.
J.D. "The scene "One potential
What in the hell do you think I'm effectively builds weakness is that
doing? Taking out her tonsils? tension and the scene may be
conflict, reveals too intense or dark
VERONICA important for some viewers.
I think I know Heather a bit better information about Additionally, the
than you, okay? If she was going to the characters and dream sequence
slash her wrists, the knife would their motivations, at the end may be
be absolutely spotless. and sets up the confusing or
climax of the film. disorienting for
J.D. grabs a dishtowel and vigorously wipes The dialogue is some audience
off the knife. sharp and members."
engaging, and the
J.D. twist at the end
How's this? Can you see your leaves the
fucking reflection? audience wanting
more."
She can and so can the viewer. Tears well in
VERONICA's eyes.
She begins to shudder, a shattered smile Ratings
quaking on her face.
VERONICA
Overall
Tomorrow someone else will move Overall: 9
into her place. That person
could be me. The scene effectively builds tension
(suddenly deliriously defiant) and conflict between Veronica and
Ha, there's only one of us who knows J.D., while also revealing their
Heather's handwriting and if you think motivations and the consequences of
I'm doing another suicide note. their actions. The dialogue is sharp
and engaging, and the scene ends
J.D. with a dramatic twist that leaves the
(laughing) audience wanting to know what
You don't get it, do you? Society happens next.
nods its head at any horror the
American teenager can think to
bring upon itself. We don't need
gloves and does anyone really Story Content
care about exact handwriting? Concept: 8
J.D. tears his gloves off with a giggle. He The concept of faking deaths and
takes a pen from the exploring the dark side of teenage life
kitchen counter and paper from a cutesy is intriguing and unique. The scene
memo pad. He shoves the effectively explores the consequences
pen in VERONICA's hand and grabbing her and moral dilemmas of such a plan.
hand, forces her to
scribble LIFE SUCKS on the paper. Plot: 9
J.D. The plot of the scene revolves around
Perfecto. Man, I've even got a Veronica's confrontation with J.D. and
marked-up Catcher in the Rye. their discussion of their plan. It

What else does a suicide need? effectively advances the overall plot of
the film and sets up the conflict
J.D. pulls out the copy of the Catcher in the between the two characters.
Rye and opens a Originality: 0
door revealing HEATHER DUKE, asleep in an
artful pose on a
couch, MTV images from the T.V. flashing
against her.
J.D.
(raising the knife) Character Development
If you'll excuse me...... Characters: 9
VERONICA The characters are well-developed and
No-o! their motivations and conflicts are
clearly established. Veronica's
J.D. hos in the adjoinging room and slams the frustration and determination to stop
door. VERONICA J.D. are compelling, while J.D.'s
races to the door wailing. She maniacally manipulative and cynical nature adds
rattles the doorknob depth to his character.
trying to open the locked door.
146 INT. AN ANOYNYMOUS T.V./HEATHER
DUKE'S ROOM -- NIGHT 146 Veronica experiences a shift in her
perspective and becomes more
The sound of the rattling doorknob subtly determined to stop J.D. She realizes
turns into wild the potential harm their plan can cause
African music thundering on the soundtrack and vows to take action.
as PAULINE FLEMING Internal Goal: 0
ethereally moves to a blackboard with three
chalk strokes on
it and makes a fourth chalk stroke. External Goal: 0
147 INT. NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK
WORKSHOP -- DAY 147
In speeded-up imagery, DENNIS, PETER, and Scene Elements
the YEARBOOK GIRL Conflict Level: 9
maneuver pictures of HEATHER CHANDLER,
KURT, RAM, and HEATHER The conflict between Veronica and J.D.
DUKE in mind-bogglingly countless ways in is intense and drives the scene. Their
order to accomodate opposing motivations and the tension
them all on the same two page layout.
between them create a high level of

148 INT. FRONT OF THE CAFETERIA -- DAY conflict.
148 Opposition: 0
With even more speeded-up imagery, four
STUDENTS wearing "What High Stakes: 9
a Waste, Oh the Humanity" T-shirts toss out
tons of black The stakes are high as Veronica
armbands into a hungry crowd. realizes the potential harm their plan
149 INT. CHURCH -- DAY 149 can cause and the consequences of
their actions. The scene sets up a
The wild African music and the speeded up pivotal moment in the story.
imagery slams to a Story Forward: 9
halt at the sigh of HEATHER DUKE lying
serenely in a coffin. The scene advances the overall story
FATHER RIPPER wearing dark sunglasses and by deepening the conflict between
a terrifying toupee, Veronica and J.D. and setting up the
walks in front of her to address a sizable climax of the film. It also reveals
group of ADULTS and important information about their plan
STUDENTS sitting in foldout chairs before and Veronica's resolve to stop J.D.
him. FATHER RIPPER
dramatically looks over the crowd before Unpredictability: 0
finally speaking.
FATHER RIPPER Philosophical Conflict: 0
Eskimo.
FATHER RIPPER lets the word hang in the air,
then holds up THE
book.
Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 8
FATHER RIPPER
Heather Duke underlined a lot of The scene evokes a range of emotions,
things in this copy of The Catcher including frustration, anger, and
in the Rye, but I believe the word distress. Veronica's realization of the
Eskimo, underlined all by itself is consequences of their plan and her
the key to understanding Heather's pain. determination to stop J.D. elicit
empathy from the audience.
VERONICA stands in a corner with an "Oh Dialogue: 10
brother" look on her
face. The dialogue is sharp, witty, and
FATHER RIPPER reveals the characters' personalities
On the surface, Heather Duke was the and motivations. It effectively conveys
vivacious young lady we all knew her their frustration, cynicism, and
to be. But her soul was in Antartica, defiance.
freezing with the knowledge of the way
fellow teenagers can be cruel, the way Engagement: 0
parents can be unresponsive, and as she
writes so eloquently in her suicide note, Pacing: 0
the way life can suck. We'll all miss
Sherwood's little Eskimo. Let's hope
she's running noses with Jesus.
HEATHER _CHANDLER_ moves next to
VERONICA holding a plate of
Technical Aspect
steaming spaghetti. She is wearing nerdy Formatting: 0
glasses and
something that looks like an intergalactic Structure: 0
prison unifrom.
HEATHER CHANDLER
Is this turnout weak or what? I had
AT LEAST seventy more people at
my funeral. Critique
The scene lacks clear transitions
VERONICA between locations and time periods,
Heather? Wha... making it confusing for the audience to
follow.
HEATHER CHANDLER The dialogue between Veronica and
Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is J.D. feels forced and unnatural, lacking
s-o-o boring. If I have to sing depth and emotional resonance.
"Kumbaya" one more time... The dream sequence with Heather
Chandler feels out of place and
VERONICA disconnected from the rest of the
What are you doing here?! scene.
The visual elements, such as the
HEATHER CHANDLER hanging doll and Veronica's reaction,
I made your favorite. Spaghetti. are not effectively integrated into the
Lots of oregano. scene.
The pacing of the scene is uneven,
With a squeal, HEATHER CHANDLER plunges with some moments feeling rushed and
VERONICA's face into others dragging on.
the plate of spaghetti. The emotional tone of the scene is
inconsistent, making it difficult for the
HEATHER CHANDLER
Dinner! audience to fully engage with the

characters and their struggles.
150 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT
150
Uncurling from the fetal position that she had Suggestions
fallen asleep Provide clear transitions between
in, VERONICA's tightly closed eyes snap open locations and time periods to help the
in a sweat as her audience understand the flow of the
mother's voice continues to filter through the scene.
door. It's all Revise the dialogue between Veronica
been a dream........... and J.D. to make it more authentic and
MOM (O.S.) emotionally impactful.
Dinner! Veronica! Dinner! Reconsider the inclusion of the dream
sequence with Heather Chandler, as it
may distract from the main narrative.
VERONICA closes her eyes and holds her Find ways to visually integrate the
heart. She suddenly hanging doll and Veronica's reaction
launches to her desk, opens her diary, shoves into the scene to enhance their
on her significance.
monocle, catches her breath, and begins Refine the pacing of the scene to
writing. maintain a consistent rhythm and keep
VERONICA (O.S.) the audience engaged.
Dear Diary, no one can stop J.D. Not Ensure that the emotional tone of the
the F.B.I., the C.I.A., or the P.T.A. scene aligns with the overall tone of
That is to say, no one but me. I know the screenplay and the characters'
where J.D. is coming from and where journeys.
he is heading. He's wrong, but I'm going
to teach him what's right. I'm going
to stop J.D....If it's the last thing
I do.
VERONICA leans back in her chair, sweating.
She reaches in the
pocket of a blazer draped over the back of
the chair and pulls
out the cigarette J.D. had given her eariler in
the film. She
puts it in her mouth unlit then takes it out and
puts it back
in the blazer.
151 EXT. OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOME --
NIGHT 151
J.D. remains laconically leaning against his
motorcycle with
his legs suavely crossed as he was before
Veronica began
dreaming. J.D. finishes his cigarette and pulls
out a gun. He
checks the bullets, puts the gun back in his
coat, and heads
toward the house.
152
VERONICA hugs J.F.K. the cat then rips down
the hanging doll.
153 EXT. THE SAWYER FRONT YARD --
NIGHT 153
J.D. leans a ladder against the Sawyer house.
154 INT. THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE --
NIGHT 154
MOM sets down three plates of spaghetti.
DAD watches on.
MOM
Does she want a written invitation?
(yelling upward)
Veronica! Dinner!
155
J.D. crawls through VERONICA's window.
Hanging from the
rafter, neck in a noose of bedshoots, is
VERONICA.
156 INT. THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE --
NIGHT 156
MOM sets a glass of milk at VERONICA's
place, distressed.
MOM
Honey?
Scene 26 - The Bomb Plot

157 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Genres: ["Dark Comedy","Teen Drama"]
157
J.D. paces the room, sweating and ranting,
waving a gun in Summary
one hand, the Barbieish doll in the other. Veronica and J.D. find themselves in a
J.D. tense situation as they plan to fake the
I can't believe you did it. I was deaths of Kurt and Ram. J.D. reveals a
teasing. I loved you. Sure, I climbed disturbing petition and a bomb plot to blow
up here to kill you, but first I was up the school. Veronica tries to stop J.D.,
going to try and get you back. With but he locks her out. The scene ends with
amazing petition. Veronica waking up from a dream and
vowing to stop J.D.
J.D. throws the gun on the bed and pulls from
his coat the Strengths Weaknesses
computer printout sheet petition, then "The scene "One potential
savagely rolls it out effectively weakness is the
on the floor. It is filled with signatures of combines dark abrupt transition
different sizes, humor, tension, from the dream
styles, and colors. J.F.K. blinks. and unexpected sequence to the
twists to create a real events, which
J.D. gripping and may confuse some
It's a shame you can't see what our memorable viewers."
fellow students really signed. sequence."
J.D. flicks open a switchblade. He runs the
blade beneath the Ratings
typed paragraph at the top causing it to peel
off, reavealing
another typed paragraph.
J.D. Overall
Listen. "We students of Westerburg Overall: 9
High will die. Today. Our burning
bodies will be the ultimate protest The scene is highly engaging and
to a society that degrades is. Fuck intense, with a strong mix of dark
you all." Not that subtle but neither's humor and tension. The accidental
blowing up the school. Talk about your shooting adds a shocking twist to the
suicide pacts. When our school explodes plot and raises the stakes for the
tomorrow, it's going to be the kind of characters.
thing that infects a generation. A
Woodstock for the 80's. Damn, we
coulda toasted marshmallows together.
Story Content
MOM (O.S.) Concept: 8
Honey, are you all right in there?
J.D. swiftly picks up the petition and heads The concept of faking deaths and
out the window. planning a school bombing is intriguing
MOM enters the room and, seeing her and keeps the audience on the edge of
hanging daughter, launches their seats.
into frantic screams. Plot: 9
MOM The plot is well-developed and filled
Oh God, I knew it! No, no! I want my with unexpected twists and turns. The
baby back! I should have let you keep accidental shooting adds a new layer
that job at the mall. I was just afraid of complexity to the story.
of you coming home alone at night!
Originality: 0
VERONICA opens her eyes.
MOM
I made your favorite! Spaghetti!
Lots of oregano! Character Development
Characters: 9
VERONICA undos the noose around her neck
but still remains Veronica and J.D. are complex and
hanging for the rope runs all the way down compelling characters. Their
her back beneath interactions and conflicting
her blazer and is tied around her waist. She motivations drive the scene forward.
undos the waist-
knot and lands on her bed. She quickly puts a Character Changes: 8
small pillow over
the left-behind gun, unnoticed by her dazed Veronica experiences a change in her
MOM. determination to stop J.D. after
VERONICA witnessing the consequences of their
Hey Mom, why so tense? actions.
158 INT. THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE AREA - Internal Goal: 0
- NIGHT 158
Montage music plays as VERONICA rears up External Goal: 0
from her dinner plate
to see her stonefaced PARENTS and her CAT
staring at her.
159 INT. J.D.'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 159
Scene Elements
Conflict Level: 9
J.D. tools with a bomb at his desk. A KNOCK
on the door. J.D. The conflict between Veronica and
turns down his stereo (and the Montage J.D., as well as the high stakes of their
music). plan, create a sense of tension and
suspense throughout the scene.
BIG BUD DEAN (O.S.) Opposition: 0
I need some help with my homework...
J.D. High Stakes: 10
Sorry tiger, I'm a little busy....
J.D. turns back up his stereo (and the plan to fake deaths and blow up the
Montage music). school, risking their own lives and the
lives of others.
160 EXT. FRONT OF WESTERBURG HIGH --
MORNING 160 Story Forward: 9
The Montage music continues as school The scene moves the story forward by
buses arrive in front of revealing the bomb plot and escalating
the school. STUDENTS pour out. the conflict between Veronica and J.D.
161 EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT -- MORNING Unpredictability: 0
161
STUDENTS come out of their cars.
162 INT. HALLWAY -- MORNING 162
Typically hectic start-of-another-day-

opening-and-slamming-of- Audience Engagement
locker-action. VERONICA darts through the Emotional Impact: 8
thoroughfare to her
locker. The scene elicits a range of emotions,
including shock, distress, and a sense
A passing PAULINE FLEMING screeches to a of urgency.
halt, grabbing
VERONICA as she chokes on some styrofoam Dialogue: 9
cup coffee.
The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled
PAULINE with dark humor. It effectively conveys
Veronica! J.D. told me you the characters' frustration and
committed suicide last night! cynicism.
Where is he? Where's J.D.?
Pacing: 0
PAULINE
We have to talk. I've got some
pamphlets in my office that will help
you decide if suicide is really for
you. Come on, let's go take a look. Technical Aspect
Get a job.
Structure: 0
VERONICA storms to her nearby locker. She
swirls her locker
combination and opens it. She glances down
the hall and
freezes.
In the distance, J.D. moves mechanically Critique
down the hallway The scene lacks clear and concise
carrying a large gym bag, wearing a Walkman. dialogue. The characters' lines are
often long and rambling, making it
VERONICA climbs into her locker. She closes difficult to follow their thoughts and
it until it is intentions.
barely perceptibly ajar. J.D. strides past the The emotional tone of the scene is
locker and into inconsistent. It starts off with J.D.
the Boys bathroom. ranting and waving a gun, which
creates a tense and dramatic
163 INT. BOYS BATHROOM -- DAY 163 atmosphere. However, the tone shifts
abruptly when Veronica's mom enters

J.D smoothly moves into a stall and closes the the room and starts screaming. This
door. He sudden change in tone feels jarring and
turns off his Walkman and ends the Montage disrupts the flow of the scene.
music. The visual elements in the scene are
not effectively utilized. While there is a
164 INT. THE HALLWAY -- DAY 164 significant visual element of the Barbie
doll hanging from a noose, it is not
The hallway slowly clears as STUDENTS go to given enough attention or significance.
class. The bell It could be used as a powerful symbol
rings. A LATE STUDENT races through the of the characters' mental state and the
empty hallway. dark themes of the story.
VERONICA carefully hatches out of her locker. is not fully resolved in this scene. It
She treads down would be more satisfying for the
the hallway as if something were about to audience if there was a clear resolution
jump out at her. or confrontation between the two
characters.
165 INT. THE GYM -- DAY 165 The transitions between different
locations and time periods are not
A group of cheerleaders including HEATHER smooth. It is unclear how the scene
MCNAMARA are lazily transitions from Veronica's bedroom to
doing cartwheels on the gym floor. On a small the school and back to the bedroom.
stage set up This lack of clarity can be confusing for
beside them, other STUDENTS are putting up the audience.
folding chairs. The scene lacks a clear focus or
PRINCIPAL GOWAN says "Testing" into a purpose. It jumps between different
microphone. events and conflicts without a clear
narrative thread. This can make it
J.D., toting the gym bag, slips through the difficult for the audience to stay
gym door. He moves engaged and invested in the story.
unnoticed to a position underneath the The dialogue between Veronica and
bleachers. J.D. is often melodramatic and
unrealistic. It would benefit from more
166 INT. THE HALLWAY -- DAY 166 natural and authentic dialogue that
reflects the characters' emotions and
VERONICA peers around a corner to see an motivations.
empty hallway. The scene could benefit from more
visual storytelling. Instead of relying
167 INT. GYM -- UNDER THE BLEACHERS -- solely on dialogue, there could be more
DAY 167 emphasis on visual cues and actions to
convey the characters' emotions and
Using heavy black masking tape, J.D. tapes a intentions.
thermal bomb to a The pacing of the scene is uneven.

steel support beneath the bleachers. Other Some moments feel rushed and others
thermal bombs can be feel drawn out. It would benefit from
discerned taped to other supports. tighter editing and pacing to maintain
the audience's interest and
168 INT. THE EMPTY HALLWAY -- DAY 168 engagement.
VERONICA cautiously treads down the empty
hallway, trying to
keep in control. Suddenly, packs of Suggestions
STUDENTS burst from Simplify and streamline the dialogue to
classroom doors behind VERONICA. The make it more concise and impactful.
excited swarms of STUDENTS Ensure that the emotional tone of the
move toward and past VERONICA, who has scene remains consistent and cohesive
braked her troubled throughout.
treading to stiffly contemplate her passing Give more attention and significance to
peers. She latches the visual element of the Barbie doll
onto Geek RODNEY in a panic. RODNEY looks hanging from a noose to enhance its
down at his clutched symbolism.
arm with a nervous smile. Provide a clear resolution or
VERONICA confrontation between Veronica and
Rodney, where's everybody going? J.D. to satisfy the audience's
expectations.
RODNEY Improve the transitions between
different locations and time periods to
It's Friday..... create a smoother flow.
VERONICA Establish a clear focus and purpose for
Oh my God, another damn pep assembly.... the scene to maintain the audience's
RODNEY engagement.
Refine the dialogue to make it more
Yeah, these things are pretty artificial, natural and authentic, reflecting the
but at least we all get out of class... characters' emotions and motivations.
VERONICA ignores RODNEY's amiable Incorporate more visual storytelling to
attemots at conversation to enhance the impact of the scene.
Edit and pace the scene to maintain a
inquisitively move forward through the crowd. consistent and engaging rhythm.
169 INT. THE GYM -- DAY 169
J.D. darts from out underneath the bleachers
to the gym doors.
He pops the doors open and sees the crowd
of STUDENTS move
toward the gym. He suavely pauses then

dashes down a nearby set
of stairs.
170 INT. THE HALLWAY LEADING TO THE
GYM -- DAY 170
VERONICA continues to tensely surf the tidal
wave of STUDENTS
heading for the gymnasium. She stops to
watch her classmates
file into the gym like lemmings with increasing
sense of dread.
She again latches onto a passing RODNEY.
VERONICA
Rodney, what's underneath the gym?
RODNEY (unconsciously) dramatically stops,
turns to VERONICA.
and says........
RODNEY
The boiler room.
VERONICA blanches then lunges through the
crowd. She topples a
couple disgruntled STUDENTS before
careening down the staircase
beside the gym.
171 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BOILER
ROOM -- DAY 171
J.D. walks by the firm glass windows of the
boiler room, eyeing
the pounding generators inside. He stops at a
heavy steel door.
Placing down his gym bag, J.D. proceeds to
swiftly pick the
lock. He swings open the steel door.
VERONICA (O.S.)
May I see your hall pass?

J.D. weilds around. A sweating VERONICA
moves toward him,
pointing the bedroom gun at him.
J.D.
I knew that loose was too noose! I
mean, noose too loose! Goddamn you!
VERONICA
Like father, like son. A serious-as-
fuck bomb in the boiler room that'll
set off a pack of thermals upstairs.
Okay, so let's start by slowly putting
the bomb down on the ground.
J.D. looks down at the gym bag already on
the ground. He folds
his arms and smiles. VERONICA forcefully
moves closer.
VERONICA
Okay, okay. I knew that. I knew that.
Put your hands on your head.
J.D.
You didn't say Simon Says.
J.D. suddenly kicks out into VERONICA's
stomach, doubling her
over and causing her to drop the gun. J.D.
gracefully retrieves
it.
Scene 27 - The Final Showdown

172 INT. THE GYM -- DAY 172 Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]
The pep assembly is in full swing with rowdy
STUDENTS in the
bleachers earthily shouting, giggling

cheerleaders making
swaying pyramids, valiant band members Summary
struggling to be heard. Veronica and J.D. engage in a violent
Various Jocks, stand on the stage with confrontation in the school boiler room.
PRINCIPAL GOWAN as a They struggle for control of a gun and
YEARBOOK PHOTOGRAPHER flashes away. inadvertently set off a bomb. Veronica
manages to stop the bomb and fatally
173 INT. THE HALLWAY BEFORE THE BOILER shoots J.D. In the aftermath, Veronica
ROOM -- DAY 173 emerges from the chaos with a sense of
empowerment.
VERONICA bends over quivering and
clutching her bruised ribs. Strengths Weaknesses
J.D. raises the gun to her head. Intense and Some
gripping elements of
J.D. conflict the scene may
Live by the sword... Sharp and be disturbing
darkly or unsettling
VERONICA swings her left arm up knocking humorous for some
J.D.'s gun hand dialogue viewers
upward. She then sails her right fist into his Effective
face. The blow portrayal of
annoys him more than it hurts him but J.D.'s character
momentary loss of transformation
composure allows VERONICA to come in with
another much harder
right hook. The blow sends J.D. stumbling Ratings
back against the
boiler room, jarring the gun loose.
Overall
They simultaneously lunge for the gun. Overall: 9
VERONICA, having the
better grip, pulls so forecfully that after The scene is intense and gripping, with
wrenching the gun high stakes and emotional impact. The
from J.D., she loses control of it, flinging it dialogue is sharp and the conflict
down the hall. between the characters is well-
VERONICA pops up to retrieve it but J.D. executed. The scene effectively moves
moves his legs the story forward and showcases the
scissors-style around her and trips her. transformation of Veronica's character.
174 INT. GYM -- THE PREP ASSEMBLY -- DAY
174
The assembly mindlessly blares on.

Cheerleader HEATHER MCNAMARA Story Content
rah-rah-rahs. RODNEY and the other Geeks Concept: 8
pass around a pair of
opera glasses, all intensely scoping out the The concept of faking deaths and the
cheerleaders. A exploration of teenage angst and
group of STONERS toke away beneath the disillusionment are intriguing and
bleachers, one of them thought-provoking. The scene
lackadaisically leaning against a thermal effectively portrays the consequences
bomb. of the characters' actions and their
struggle for power.
175 INT. THE BOILER ROOM HALLWAY -- DAY
175 Plot: 9
A snarling J.D. stands up, pulling VERONICA The plot is well-developed and
with him. engaging, with a clear escalation of
tension and conflict. The scene serves
J.D. as a climactic moment in the story,
You think just because you started leading to a resolution of the main
this thing, you can end it? conflict.
J.D. violently kisses/bites VERONICA. While Originality: 0
kissing, VERONICA
sees a fire alarm on a nearby wall. She closes
her eyes then
savagely knees J.D. in the groin. VERONICA
bolts to the alarm
and pulls it down. Nothing happens. J.D.
gasps. Characters: 9
J.D. The characters are well-defined and
You, really didn't think I'd, forget, their motivations and actions are
forgetm to disconnect the.... believable. Veronica's transformation
from a passive observer to a proactive
VERONICA rockets her body down and picks protagonist is compelling, as is J.D.'s
up the gun. J.D. grabs descent into violence and chaos.
her and throws her against the steel boiler Character Changes: 9
room door.
A jostled VERONICA raises the gun. J.D. Veronica undergoes a significant
howls then bounds character change, from a passive
toward VERONICA, causing them both to follower to a proactive leader. J.D.
careen down the steel experiences a tragic downfall,
steps of the boiler room. At the same time, he descending further into violence and
chaos.
inadvertently Internal Goal: 0

kicks the gym bag/bomb down along with
them. The gun spins from
VERONICA's hand and slides away. The bomb External Goal: 0
flies out of the bag
onto the boiler room floor. A digital clock on
the bomb clicks
on at 5:00....4:59....4:58...
Scene Elements
176 INT. GYM -- THE PEP ASSEMBLY -- DAY Conflict Level: 10
176
The frenzied pep assembly crowd is now The conflict between Veronica and J.D.
doing "The Wave". BETTY is intense and violent, both physically
FINN and her similar co-horts deliriously get and emotionally. The stakes are high,
into the act, all with the potential for death and
sit in a circle at the bottom rows of the destruction.
bleachers, pouting as Opposition: 0
STUDENTS bounce up and down around
them. Jocks stand on the
stage grinning and preening before the High Stakes: 10
crowd.
The stakes are incredibly high, with the
177 INT. THE BOILER ROOM -- DAY 177 potential for death, destruction, and
the loss of innocence. The characters'
VERONICA and J.D. are in a heap at the actions have far-reaching
bottom of the boiler consequences.
room steps. VERONICA faintly works into a Story Forward: 9
semi-sitting position
and gives an astonished glance to the bomb, The scene moves the story forward by
its digital clock resolving the conflict between
clicking to 3:04. VERONICA crawls to the gun Veronica and J.D. and setting up the
and levels it at a final resolution of the plot. It also
rousing-up J.D. reveals important information about
VERONICA the characters' motivations and
The bomb's gone on, J.D.! How do actions.
you turn it off? Tell me! Unpredictability: 0
Fully standing, J.D. flicks open his
switchblade. He gives Philosophical Conflict: 0
VERONICA "the finger," screaming in
exploded saliva...
J.D.
Fuck you! Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 9
Seething, VERONICA shoots up at J.D.
blowing off "the finger." The scene evokes strong emotions,
Shrieking in pain, J.D. drops the knife to hold including tension, fear, and
this sudden empowerment. The audience is
geyser of blood. VERONICA achingly stands, emotionally invested in the outcome of
pointing the gun. the conflict.
The bomb clicks down to 2:25.
Dialogue: 9
VERONICA
It's all over, J.D. Help me to stop it. The dialogue is sharp, darkly
J.D. humorous, and reflective of the
You want to wipe the slate clean as characters' personalities. It effectively
much as I do. Okay, so maybe I am conveys their emotions and drives the
killing everyone in the school conflict forward.
because nobody loves me. You have a Engagement: 0
purpose though! Remember? Let's face
it, the only place different social
types can genuinely get along with Pacing: 0
each other is in heaven.
VERONICA fires the gun at J.D.'s feet. The
bomb clicks to 1:49.
She focuses her eyes on three red buttons on Technical Aspect
the bomb. Formatting: 0
VERONICA
Which button do I press to turn it Structure: 0
off? Tell me!
J.D.
Try the red one, but seriously, people
are going to look at the ashes of
Westerburg and say there's a school Critique
that self-destructed not because The scene lacks clear transitions
society didn't care, but because between locations and time periods,
that school WAS society. Is that making it confusing for the audience to
deep or what? I'll let you put it in follow.
your diary, babe. Free of charge. The action and dialogue in the scene
feel rushed and could benefit from
VERONICA more development and depth.

Which red button, asshole? The emotional tone of the scene is
inconsistent, with moments of intense
J.D. action and suspense followed by
Press the middle one to turn it off. moments of calm reflection.
If that's what you want babe..... The visual elements, such as the bomb
and the gun, are not effectively utilized
VERONICA picks up the bomb and puts it on a to enhance the tension and drama of
steel drum, the scene.
speaking with her back turned. The dialogue between Veronica and
J.D. lacks depth and complexity, and
VERONICA their motivations and emotions are not
You know what I want, babe? fully explored.
The resolution of the conflicts in the
J.D. scene feels abrupt and unsatisfying,
(crouching) leaving the audience with unanswered
What? questions.
The scene could benefit from clearer
J.D. snatches up his switchblade and lunges character motivations and stronger
toward VERONICA. character arcs.
She springs away, causing him to bring the The pacing of the scene could be
knife down past her improved to create a more engaging
and onto the middle red button, stopping the and suspenseful experience for the
clock on the bomb audience.
at 00:17.
VERONICA
Cool guys like you out of my life. Suggestions
VERONICA fires the gun twice into J.D.'s Consider adding clear transitions
stomach. Coughing and between locations and time periods to
moaning, he splatters against a generator. help the audience follow the scene
more easily.
VERONICA Take the time to develop the action and
But don't worry, these here dialogue in the scene, allowing for
more depth and complexity.
were Ich Luge bullets. Work on maintaining a consistent
J.D. closes his eyes and slumps to the emotional tone throughout the scene,
ground. VERONICA wearily ensuring that the intensity and
regards the image of the knife stuck in the suspense build gradually.
stopped bomb. Utilize the visual elements, such as the
178 INT. GYM -- THE PEP ASSEMBLY -- DAY bomb and the gun, to enhance the
178 tension and drama of the scene.
Explore the motivations and emotions

A cheerleader does a cartwheel in slow of the characters more fully, allowing
motion as eerie music for greater depth and complexity in
plays. The manic crowd in the bleachers their interactions.
vibrates in slow motion Provide a more satisfying resolution to
as well. At normal speed, a smiling VERONICA the conflicts in the scene, ensuring
walks to the doors that all questions are answered and
of the gym and peers in. loose ends are tied up.
Develop stronger character
The panorama of roaring students, posing motivations and arcs, allowing for more
jocks, and prancing engaging and relatable characters.
cheerleaders continues to unfold in slow Refine the pacing of the scene to
motion. VERONICA walks create a more engaging and
away...... suspenseful experience for the
audience.
179 EXT. THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL --
DAY 179
VERONICA wearily pushes open the front
door and emerges outside
of the school. She closes her eyes to
therapeutically bask in
the sun's rays. A slight smile trembles onto
her face. A
strange voice kills it.
J.D. (O.S.)
Color me impressed.
J.D. stansd starkly in the distance before her,
blood spurting
from his mouth onto his gunslinger coat.
J.D.
You really fucked me up, Veronica.
VERONICA
I thought I...you..I...
J.D.
You've got power, Veronica. Power I
didn't think you had. The slate is clean.
J.D. pulls open his coat revealing that the

bomb is attached to
his torso. The green light is on and the clock
says
00:10..00:09.
J.D.
Pretend I did blow up the school. All
the schools. Now that you're dead,
what are you gonna do with your life?
VERONICA takes the unlit cigrette from her
blazer pocket and
puts it in her mouth. She then folsd her arms.
VERONICA
Perfecto.
J.D. raises his arms in a crucifixion pose as
the bomb clicks
to 0:00. Nothing happens. An annoyed J.D.
breaks out of his
crucifixion stance and raps the bomb with his
palm.
180 INT. GYM -- THE PEP ASSEMBLY -- DAY
180
The sound of the bomb explosion plunges the
cheering up-and-down
pep assembly into chaos. Wailing students
pour out of the bleachers
screaming less out of fear than a "Whoa
Dude" sense of excitement.
181 EXT. THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL --
DAY 181
VERONICA stands in the same position in
front of the school
with her arms still folded. Only now her
cigarette is lit and
her face and clothes are blackened in ash.
Flames flicker in
bushes behind her. VERONICA drags on the

cigarette and turns
to go inside.
Scene 28 - The New Sheriff

182 INT. THE FRONT HALLWAY -- DAY 182 Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]
VERONICA strolls into the school and into a
hallway of howling
students, some of whom are tearing down Summary
Prom banners for the Veronica confronts Heather Duke and takes
thrill of it. HEATHER DUKE rushes up to control by imitating Heather Chandler. She
VERONICA and grimaces. then plans a date with Martha and vows to
stop J.D.
HEATHER DUKE
Veronica, you look like hell. Strengths Weaknesses
Strong Some
VERONICA character elements may
Yeah, I just got back. development be disturbing
Tense and for sensitive
VERONICA tosses away the cigarette. She engaging viewers
then grabs HEATHER DUKE dialogue
by the shoulders and forcibly turns her Effective use
around. of power
dynamics
HEATHER DUKE
What are you doing?
VERONICA Ratings
Heather, my love, there's a
new sheriff in town. Overall
VERONICA takes off HEATHER DUKE's red Overall: 9
ribbon and ties it around The scene effectively builds tension
the hair of her own head. She kisses and establishes the power struggle
HEATHER DUKE on the cheek, between Veronica and J.D. It also
leaving a black stain. VERONICA calls off. introduces a disturbing bomb plot,
VERONICA adding a sense of urgency and danger.
Hey, Martha, wait up. The dream sequence adds an

intriguing element to the story.
MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK
revealed to be in a wheelchair,
brakes to a stop and looks to Veronica,
confused. VERONICA Story Content
walks up beside her. MARTHA starts up her Concept: 8
wheelchair and
accompanies VERONICA away into a deserted The concept of faking deaths and the
hallway. exploration of teenage horrors is
VERONICA intriguing and unique. The introduction
My date for the prom kind of flaked of the bomb plot raises the stakes and
out on me, so I thought if you adds complexity to the story.
weren't doing anything that night Plot: 9
we could go to the video store and
rent some new releases or something. The plot is well-developed and
Maybe pop some popcorn. engaging. It keeps the audience on
edge with the tension between
MARTHA Veronica and J.D., the bomb plot, and
I'd like that. Veronica's determination to stop J.D.
VERONICA
So would I. Originality: 0
VERONICA and MARTHA continue gliding
Bogart/Rains style.
Characters: 9
THE END The characters are well-defined and
their motivations are clear. Veronica's
transformation from a follower to a
leader is compelling, and J.D.'s
manipulative nature adds depth to the
conflict.
Veronica undergoes a significant
character change as she transforms
from a follower to a leader. Her
realization of J.D.'s dangerous nature
and her vow to stop him showcases

her growth.
Internal Goal: 0
External Goal: 0
Scene Elements
Conflict Level: 9
is intense and drives the scene
forward. The bomb plot adds an
additional layer of conflict and raises
the stakes.
Opposition: 0
High Stakes: 9
plan to fake deaths, deal with a bomb
plot, and confront the manipulative
J.D. The potential consequences are
severe, adding tension and urgency.
Story Forward: 9
escalating the conflict between
Veronica and J.D., introducing the
bomb plot, and setting up Veronica's
determination to stop J.D.
Unpredictability: 0
Audience Engagement
Emotional Impact: 8
The scene evokes a range of emotions,
from distress and anger to
empowerment. Veronica's
determination to stop J.D. and protect
Heather Duke adds emotional depth.
Dialogue: 8
The dialogue effectively conveys the
power dynamics and tension between
Veronica and J.D. It also reveals their
conflicting ideologies and motivations.
Engagement: 0
Pacing: 0
Technical Aspect
Formatting: 0
Structure: 0
Critique
The scene lacks a clear conflict or
tension, making it feel somewhat flat
and uninteresting.
Heather Duke feels forced and
unnatural, lacking in depth or nuance.
The visual elements of the scene are

minimal and unremarkable, failing to
add any significant meaning or impact.
The scene feels disconnected from the
rest of the screenplay, lacking in
relevance or purpose.
The character of Martha
Dunnstock/Dumptruck feels
underdeveloped and stereotypical,
adding little to the scene or the story
as a whole.
Suggestions
Consider adding a clear conflict or
tension to the scene, such as Veronica
struggling to assert her dominance
over Heather Duke or facing pressure
from other students to conform to their
expectations.
Work on developing the dialogue
between Veronica and Heather Duke,
adding more depth and nuance to their
conversation and exploring their
relationship in greater detail.
Try to incorporate more significant
visual elements into the scene, such as
symbolism or foreshadowing, to add
meaning and impact.
Ensure that the scene is relevant to the
rest of the screenplay and serves a
clear purpose in advancing the story or
developing the characters.
Consider developing the character of
Martha Dunnstock/Dumptruck more
fully, giving her a more distinct
personality and role in the story.
Characters in the screenplay, and their

arcs:
Heather McNamara
Heather McNamara is conventionally beautiful, trendily
coiffed, and amusingly robust. She is confident and
assertive. Her speaking style is energetic and slightly
dramatic, often using slang and trendy phrases. However,
she is more submissive and eager to please compared to
the other Heathers. She idolizes Heather Chandler and is
excited about the lunchroom prank. Despite her confident
exterior, she easily gets embarrassed and lacks
confidence. She is also more naive and innocent compared
to the other Heathers, often imitating Martha Dumptruck's
whiny and exaggerated speaking style. Heather
McNamara is emotional and easily influenced by the group
dynamics. She struggles with her own insecurities and
desires to fit in. She often seeks validation from others and
is easily swayed. Following Heather Chandler's suicide,
she turns to prayer to cope with her feelings and is
portrayed as vulnerable and emotional. She is a more timid
and vulnerable character compared to the others, often
trying to go along with the group but also having moments
of genuine emotion and empathy. Her speaking style is
softer and more hesitant, often delivering her lines with a
sense of insecurity and vulnerability.
Heather Duke
Heather Duke is a member of the popular Heathers clique
but is noticeably more inhibited compared to the others.
She is trendily accessorized and carries a tattered copy of
'The Catcher in the Rye.' Her speaking style is reserved
and introspective, quoting literary references. Throughout
the film, Heather Duke displays a rebellious and sarcastic
personality. She questions Heather Chandler's actions but
also tries to please her. She is often timid and hesitant but
gains confidence and assertiveness as she imitates

Heather Chandler. Heather Duke is manipulative,
condescending and enjoys mind games. She imitates
Heather Chandler to gain power and control over others.
Her speaking style is often filled with snide and dismissive
remarks, mimicking Heather Chandler's haughty tone. She
is portrayed as mean-spirited and attention-seeking,
seeking validation from others and insecure.
Veronica
Veronica is a smart and observant teenager who is
disillusioned with the toxic social hierarchy of high school.
She is witty, sarcastic, and uses humor as a defense
mechanism. She has a strong sense of justice and is
willing to rebel against societal norms. Veronica has a
distinct speaking style characterized by a mix of sarcasm
and cynicism. She often uses dark humor to cope with
difficult situations. As the movie progresses, Veronica
transforms from a reluctant follower to a proactive leader,
torn between her desire to fit in and her strong moral
compass. Her character arc involves her grappling with the
consequences of her actions and ultimately taking
responsibility for them.
Heather Chandler
Heather Chandler is the confident, manipulative and
powerful leader of the Heathers. She enjoys exerting
control over others and has a sharp tongue. Her speaking
style is characterized by sarcasm and arrogance,
reflecting her superiority complex and desire for power.
Despite her popularity, she is deeply unhappy and
unsatisfied with her life.
Ram
Ram is a dim-witted and insensitive jock who often
engages in bullying tactics to cope with serious situations.
He is easily influenced by his friend Kurt and echoes his
jokes, displaying a laid-back and carefree speaking style
with a casual and nonchalant tone.
Betty Finn
Betty Finn is an old friend of Veronica's who is portrayed
as sweet, kind-hearted, and naive. She is slightly
overweight and not part of the popular crowd. Her unique
phrases and distinct speaking style are characterized by
innocence and a slightly timid demeanor. She is excited to
see Veronica and shows her a picture from their childhood.
As the movie progresses, Betty shows herself to be
incredibly supportive and caring towards Veronica,
representing a more genuine and kind-hearted side. Her
speaking style is warm and sincere throughout the movie.
J.D.
J.D. is a mysterious, rebellious, intelligent, and charismatic
outsider. He has a dark sense of humor and a troubled
past, which he uses to justify his actions. His speaking
style is confident, persuasive, and often filled with
sarcasm, using dark humor and cutting remarks to
manipulate and challenge societal norms. He is
resourceful and always one step ahead, willing to take
risks to achieve his desired outcome. J.D. is unpredictable
and dangerous, challenging Veronica's beliefs and
motivations, and pushing boundaries to the point of
violence.
Character Arc Critique Suggestions

Veronica 
Sawyer
Heather Heather Heather 
McNamara McNamara's McNamara's To improve
character arc character arc is Heather
involves her well developed McNamara's
journey towards and provides a character arc, it
finding her own compelling could be helpful
voice and journey towards to focus on her
standing up for self-discovery. specific
herself. In the However, there insecurities and
beginning, she could be more why she
is more eager to consistency in struggles so
please and her character much with
seeks validation throughout the finding her own
from others, movie. Her voice.
particularly the waffling Additionally,
Heathers. between
However, as the confident and more attention
story assertive to could be given

progresses and more insecure to the moments
she sees the and vulnerable where she does
negative could be better stand up for
consequences explained or herself,
of the group's explored. providing clarity
actions, she on what
begins to specifically
question her motivates her
loyalty to them. to change.
After Heather Overall, more
Chandler's consistency in
suicide, she her character
becomes even could
more vulnerable strengthen her
and emotional, arc and make it
leading her to more satisfying
seek comfort in
prayer. for the
However, audience.
towards the end
of the story, she
finds the
strength to
stand up to the
Heathers and
even saves
Veronica's life.
Her arc
ultimately
concludes with
her finding her
own voice and
being true to
herself, no
longer needing
validation from
others.
Heather Duke 
starts as a timid
and obedient
follower, Heather Duke's
interested in character arc
pleasing could be more
Heather fully developed
Chandler. She and explored.
Heather Duke's
gains Throughout the
character arc
confidence and movie, she
would benefit
assertiveness shows
from a clearer
as she imitates moments of
and more
Heather rebellion but
gradual
Chandler, does not fully development.
becoming a break away Her moments
manipulative from the of rebellion and
and clique's questioning feel
condescending dynamics. Her underplayed
character. realization and could be
However,
Heather Heather about Heather expanded upon.
Duke arc takesDuke's a turn Chandler's The scenes
towards the end death and her with Veronica
of the movie as role in it come could offer
she becomes suddenly and more insight
conflicted and feel a bit into her

remorseful contrived. More motivations and
about Heather emphasis could insecurities,
Chandler's have been which would
death. She placed on her make her
begins to use internal realization
prayer as a way struggle and about her
to seek her interactions actions more
forgiveness and with Veronica,
is easily who serves as a believable and
influenced by catalyst for her less abrupt.
Veronica's change of
actions, heart.
displaying more
vulnerability
and insecurity.
Veronica Veronica begins The character 
as a passive description and To improve the
follower, but as arc are well- character arc,
events spiral formed and include more
out of control, accurately specific
she becomes capture examples of
more proactive Veronica's key Veronica's
and takes a traits and actions and
leadership role transformation experiences
in taking down throughout the that led to her
the toxic social movie. transformation.
hierarchy at However, the Also, consider
Westerburg. arc could adding more

However, her benefit from depth to her
actions more specific relationships
ultimately lead examples of
to tragedy, and Veronica's with other
Veronica must actions and characters,

face the experiences particularly J.D.
consequences that lead to her and the other
of her choices. transformation. Heathers, to
Through this show how they
experience, she influence her
learns the decisions and
importance of contribute to
standing up for her growth.
what is right
and taking
responsibility
for her actions.
 To improve the
Heather character arc,
Chandler starts consider
off as the introducing
unapologetically seemingly
mean and insignificant
popular leader The character moments that
of the Heathers. arc of Heather hint towards
She enjoys Chandler is
manipulating well-developed
Heather
and controlling and intriguing.

Chandler's
others through However, it

unhappiness
her power. could benefit
and
Heather However, her from more
dissatisfaction
Chandler suicide reveals foreshadowing
with her life in
a deeper, more and hints
the earlier
vulnerable side towards her
scenes. For
to her. She dissatisfaction example, a shot
realizes the with her life of her looking
toxicity of her earlier in the longingly at
actions and screenplay. something or
desires to give someone, or
up her power brief moments
and control in where she
search of reveals a more
something more vulnerable side
fulfilling. to her
personality.
Ram Throughout the The character 

movie, Ram arc for Ram is To improve the
remains loyal to not very well character arc
his friend Kurt developed and for Ram, the
and continues feels rushed screenplay
to engage in towards the could have
bullying tactics. end. We don't explored his
However, after see enough personal life
experiencing internal and
the death of struggle or background.

Heather growth from This would have
Chandler and Ram to justify given us a
witnessing the his sudden
consequences change of better
of their actions, heart. understanding

Ram begins to of why he acts
question his the way he does
behavior and and would
eventually takes make his
responsibility eventual growth
for his actions more
by confessing believable.
to the police Additionally,
and apologizing showing more
to Veronica interactions
Sawyer. between Ram
and other
characters
could have
highlighted his
internal
struggle and
growth, making
his redemption
more satisfying.
Betty Finn Betty Finn The character 

starts off as a of Betty Finn is To improve
naive and a refreshing Betty's
innocent girl, contrast to the character arc,
but eventually popular clique, there could be
blossoms into a and her kind- more focus on
more confident hearted nature her inner
and assertive is immediately conflict as she
person. She apparent. navigates the
begins to stand However, her social hierarchy
up for herself character arc of high school.
and those could be more This could
around her, fully developed. include
becoming less Although she exploring her
passive and does become motivations for
more proactive. stronger and
This is more assertive seeking
highlighted in as the movie approval from
the scene progresses, this the popular

where she transformation crowd and the
defends seems toll that takes
Heather somewhat on her.
McNamara from rushed and Additionally,
her suicide could benefit more attention
attempt and from more could be given
offers her a nuanced to the turning
supportive ear. exploration. point in her
By the end of Additionally, transformation,
the movie, Betty there could be highlighting the
is no longer the more emphasis event or
timid, goody- on the realization that

good girl she challenges prompts her to
was at the Betty faces in stand up for
beginning, but a breaking away
strong and from her herself and
caring friend previous others. By doing

who is unafraid persona. so, Betty's
to speak up. character could
be more fully
realized and her
transformation
more satisfying
to the viewer.
J.D. J.D. starts off as The character 

a mysterious arc is well- To improve the
and charismatic developed and character arc,
outsider who believable, with more focus
befriends J.D.'s descent could have
Veronica. He into darkness been given to
reveals his and violence J.D.'s backstory
troubled past being a natural and the events
and shares a progression of that led to his
moment of his rebellious nihilistic
connection with and worldview. This
her. As their manipulative could have
relationship nature. been
progresses, J.D. However, more accomplished
becomes more insight into through
manipulative J.D.'s troubled
and dangerous, past and flashbacks or
convincing motivations conversations

Veronica to would have with other
participate in added depth to characters.
his plans to fake his character Additionally,
the deaths of and made his J.D.'s
Kurt and Ram. actions more motivations and
J.D.'s quest for understandable. desires could
revenge and Additionally, have been
chaos spirals J.D.'s character made clearer,
out of control, could have making his
leading to his benefitted from descent into
eventual more screen violence more
downfall and time and understandable.
death. development. Finally, J.D.'s
character could
have benefitted
from more
scenes that
showed his
intelligent and
resourceful
nature,
highlighting his
ability to
manipulate
others and
always stay one

step ahead.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the

scenes:
Pattern Explanation
There is a strong positive
Positive correlation correlation between Emotional
between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade,
Impact and Overall indicating that scenes with higher
Grade emotional impact tend to receive
higher overall grades.
Negative There is a negative correlation
correlation between Dialogue and Character
between Dialogue Changes, indicating that scenes
and Character with more dialogue tend to have
Changes fewer character changes.
Positive correlation There is a positive correlation
between High between High Stakes and Conflict,
Stakes and indicating that scenes with higher
Conflict stakes tend to have more conflict.
correlation between Tone and Move Story
between Tone and Forward, indicating that scenes with
Move Story a more serious or somber tone tend
Forward to move the story forward less.
There is a positive correlation
Positive correlation between Concept and Plot,
between Concept indicating that scenes with a
and Plot stronger concept tend to have a
stronger plot.
correlation between Characters and Emotional
between Impact, indicating that scenes with
Characters and more focus on characters tend to
Emotional Impact have lower emotional impact.
Positive correlation There is a positive correlation
between Conflict between Conflict and Character
and Character Changes, indicating that scenes
Changes with more conflict tend to have
more character changes.
correlation between Emotional Impact and
between Emotional Dialogue, indicating that scenes
Impact and with higher emotional impact tend
Dialogue to have less dialogue.
Pattern Explanation
There is a positive correlation
Positive correlation between
between High High Stakes and Move
Stakes and Move scenes with higherindicating
Story Forward, that
stakes tend to
Story Forward move the story forward more.
correlation between Tone and Emotional
Impact, indicating that scenes with
between Tone and a more serious
Emotional Impact to have loweroremotional
somber tone tend
impact.
Theme Theme Details Themee

Explanation
The theme of identity
and self-discovery is
the most important
theme in the
screenplay. It is
Veronica's represented through
journey to find Veronica's struggle
to find her place in
Identity and andtruenavigate
her identity high school and her
Self-Discovery her relationships with the
relationships Heathers, J.D., and
with others. other characters.
This theme explores
the idea of
authenticity, social
conformity, and the
search for personal
identity.
Power and The use of The theme of power
Manipulation power and and manipulation is
manipulation by strongly represented
characters to in the screenplay. It
control others is depicted through
and gain social the actions of
status. characters like
Heather Chandler
and J.D., who use
their influence to
manipulate and
control others. This
theme explores the
corrupting nature of
power and the
consequences of

Explanation
using manipulation to
gain social status.
The theme of social
hierarchy and
conformity is also
prominently
represented in the
screenplay. It is
The pressure to depicted through the
conform to interactions between
social norms characters and their
Social and the desire to fit in and
Hierarchy and consequences maintain their social
Conformity of challenging status. This theme
the social explores the
hierarchy. pressures of
conforming to
societal expectations
and the
consequences of
challenging the
established social
hierarchy.
The theme of
violence and its
consequences is
present throughout
the screenplay. It is
depicted through the
The use of actions of characters
Violence and impact onandtheits
violence like J.D., who resort
to violence as a
its
Consequences characters
their
and means to solve their
problems. This
relationships. theme explores the
destructive nature of
violence and the
lasting impact it has
on the characters
and their
relationships.
Friendship and The The theme of
Betrayal complexities of friendship and
friendship and betrayal is also
the represented in the
consequences screenplay. It is
of betrayal. depicted through the
relationships
between Veronica,
the Heathers, and
J.D., as well as other
characters. This

Explanation
theme explores the
complexities of
friendship, the
consequences of
betrayal, and the
blurred lines
between loyalty and
self-interest.
 Screenwriting Resources
on Themes
Articles
Site Description
Studio Movie Themes: Examples of Common

Binder Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John
Writing from Theme
August
YouTube Videos
Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre,

Screenwriting basics -
Theme - Screenwriting
beginner video
Basics
Discussion on ways to
What is theme layer theme into a
screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes Common Theme mistakes

You're Making in Your and Philosophical
Script Conflicts
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Line
Number
18 Veronica: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit
now has a body count.
J.D.: Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs,
19 darling, and it's what's going to make
Westerburg a purified place to get an
education.
1 Veronica: What's your damage, Heather?
You ruined my...
2 Heather Chandler: Fuck me gently with a
chainsaw.
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before
you met me! You were playing Barbies with
Betty Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a
7 Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout Cookie! I got
you into a Remington Party! What's my
thanks? It's on the hallway carpet. I get paid
in puke!
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17/1/24, 16:04 AI-Powered Screenplay Analysis | ScriptReader.

Screenplay Story Analysis

well-established, creating a tense and engaging narrative.

 Suggestions: To improve the plot/story, consider

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Engaging character Some elements may

 Consider creating higher stakes and stronger

How scenes compare to the Scripts in

Title Grade Percentile Before After

Read script alongside scene Analyses See all Scenes

Scene by Scene critiques

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Scene 1 - Veronica's Morning

makes her sad exit, Veronica. The use of croquet as a

With her back turned to the viewer, Character Changes: 5

relationships and her attitude towards

Scene 2 - The Lunchroom Prank

HEATHER CHANDLER Overall

HEATHER CHANDLER while Heather Chandler is confident

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK pays the conversation about winning money

even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

political, I'd spew burrito chunks. dialogue, pacing, and character

BETTY pulls from her purse a picture showing

brings the fork up. The note is wedged inside

If you're going to openly be a bitch....

at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior.

major humiliation. Come on, Veronica.

Scene 3 - The Lunchroom Prank

on teenage Relatively low

11 INT. CAFETERIA -- BETTY FINN'S TABLE -- Character Development

MARTHA, with awkward apprehension,

VERONICA audience to connect with the

Scene 4 - The Lunchroom Prank

MCNAMARA the sharp and lack of emotional

relationships with the Heathers and

Probably just row on out to the

KURT context of the story. It would be more

Scene 5 - Croquet Game and Lunchroom Prank

(missing her shot)

VERONICA sinks into the empty middle deck Critique

Scene 6 - 7-11 Run

J.D. (O.S.) lives. Veronica opens up about her

Just a humble perk from my Dad's Plot: 7

Maybe it's time for a vacation. Veronica's dissatisfaction with her

The viewer is taken back and forth from a Engagement: 0

VERONICA The dialogue between Brad and

Revise the dialogue between Brad and

Scene 7 - Veronica's Rebellion

27 INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 27 Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

give when my suitor wants more Internal Goal: 0

VERONICA Audience Engagement

VERONICA, the trashcan understand Veronica's motivations and

(exhaling deeply) actions with the vodka and fire. This

Scene 8 - Late Night Croquet and Confessions

Well, I don't know. There's The concept of playing strip croquet

A well-timed lightning bolt through

Heather Chandler puke her guts out. Dialogue: 9

It would be helpful to establish a

Scene 9 - Toxic Concoction

tears it from him and pours some milk and

conflicts, and motivations. The banter

The visual elements in the scene, such