A GUIDE TO THIS TRAINING

All the exercises in these workshops are

Compassion Focused voluntary - try them if you can, as it helps to
Therapy (CFT) for Trauma learn about CFT from the inside out

I won’t go through every slide!

Dr Chris Irons

Clinical Psychologist

You are clinically responsible for how you

Balanced Minds

www.balancedminds.com

use CFT - please do seek further supervision

and support, alongside further training
chris@balancedminds.com

Training Overview

Outline of central ideas in CFT

How do these relate to some of the key Three Phases of CFT

difficulties in trauma?

Compassionate Mind Training (CMT)

Putting the compassionate mind to work

1
 Phase 1
Therapeutic Foundations
Creating conditions for therapy - e.g. therapeutic relationship, secure base,
supportive assessment & formulation Therapy Foundation

Phase 1 Psychoeducation: tricky brain (new/old brain), three system model (functional Creating conditions such
analysis of emotion), social shaping, not your fault as therapeutic relationship,
secure base, and Phase 2
formulation
What compassion is, common myths, fears - blocks - resistances
Psychoeducation: tricky
brain (new/old brain), Compassionate
three system model
Compassionate Mind Training (functional analysis of Mind Training
Body training emotion
Phase 3
Phase 2 Mindfulness Time What compassion is/isn't Body training
Putting the
Soothing Rhythm Breathing
Mindfulness Compassionate
Compassionate self and image Mind to Work
Compassionate self Self-relationship
and image
Putting the Compassionate Mind to Work Relationships with others
Self-to-self relationship (e.g. shame and self-criticism)
Complex emotions and
Phase 3
Examples Relationships
of Process: Socratic dialogues, with others
guided discovery, narrating, mind
memories

mapping, reflection, use of Complex

silence, MI, downward
emotions and memories arrow, chaining, Presenting problems
diagramming, thought experiments, behavioural experiments, acting, exposure
programs, chair
Presenting work,
problems emotion
(e.g. regulation
trauma, voice etc
hearing, depression)

What is Compassion? How do we define compassion in CFT?

2
 First Psychology
The ability to notice, engage with, tolerate and
understand distress and difficulties

Explaining Compassion
a sensitivity to the suffering of self and others
with a commitment to relieve and prevent it Start with a friend…

Second Psychology
The ability to engage in wise action to reduce or
prevent distress and difficulties

The Three Pillars of the

The Many Faces of Compassion
Compassionate Self

3
 Compassionate Self

The Three Flows of Compassion

Wisdom Strength Caring

The Compassion Triangle

Interactive Flows of Compassion

Self Other
To Self

Other Self

Self Self From Others To Others

Each can be practiced and cultivated in different ways

Each activates patterns of physiology and psychological states Each flow can have:
(e.g. attention, thinking, emotion, behaviour, motivation) 1. fears, blocks and resistances
2. things that facilitate or support them
CFT not just about self compassion…

4
The Three Flows of Compassion
& Trauma

5
 What makes compassion difficult?

Fears, Blocks and Resistances (FBRs) of Compassion

Self FBRs Other

Fears of Compassion
Other FBRs Self

Self FBRs Self

6
 Fear of Compassion for Others

Compassion makes you weak, others will take advantage of you

People will take advantage of you if you are too compassionate

Compassion for others will create dependency in others

If I’m too compassionate, others will become too dependent on me

Compassion lets people off the hook

Being compassionate towards people who have done bad things is
letting them off the hook

Fear of Compassion from Others

Fear of Self-Compassion
Fear of availability/how genuine compassion from others is Fear of losing self-criticism
I worry that people are only kind and compassionate if they want I fear that if I develop compassion for myself, I will become someone I
something from me don’t want to be

Fear of closeness Fear of grief/emptiness when try to feel compassion

I feel it people are kind they are getting too close I fear that if I start to feel compassion for myself, I will be overcome with
loss/grief

Compassion is scary
Becoming compassionate will make me weak
Feelings of kindness from others are somehow frightening
I fear that if I am more self compassionate i will become a weak person

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 Fear of Compassion Fear of Compassion Fear of Compassion
for Others from Others for Self
Shame 0.35 0.51 0.43

Self-criticism 0.30 0.51 0.55

Distress 0.25 0.43 0.45

Anxiety 0.29 0.41 0.39

Depression 0.30 0.51 0.51

Wellbeing -0.13 -0.32 -0.41

8
Difficulties with compassion in trauma
Lawrence & Lee (2012) – qualitative study looking at peoples’ experience of CFT for
trauma (n=7; all met criteria for PTSD)

Five superordinate themes found:

1.Who Am I if I Am Not Self-Critical? (e.g. fear of lost identity)
CFT Theory & Trauma

2.An aversive and alien experience: how it feels to develop self-compassion (e.g. self-
compassion as alien or non-deserved)

3.The emotional experience of therapy (e.g. importance of therapeutic relationship;

feeling vs thinking ‘compassion’; you’re not along in your struggles)

4.Self-compassion as a positive emotional experience (e.g. “it was like getting a drink
of water in the desert. Erm. Once I had kind of given up the addictions of blaming
myself it was like this whole guilt trip had gone”)

5.A more positive outlook in the present and for the future (e.g. enjoying life rather than
just living it; a new sense of hope for the future)

CFT Theory - Lots of it! Some compassion-based insights about trauma…

We have a brain that has evolved to think, imagine, anticipate

Evolutionary informed
and give meaning to events in life - which can also look in on
Tricky brain - loops in the mind
our experience of trauma and judge, self-blame, ruminate and
Three system model
worry
Motives
We have a brain & body that come pre-packaged with emotions
Social shaping
like fear, sadness and shame, which under traumatic conditions,
Not your fault
can become shaped and influenced in ways that cause us a lot of
pain
Understanding shame, guilt & self-criticism

We have been shaped by our backgrounds and life experiences,

Each of these have important, and each have their which can make us more susceptible to the effects of trauma
own relationship with trauma/PTSD

9
Some compassion-based insights about trauma…

We do not choose any of these things - they are not our fault
CFT Theory & Trauma

It can be helpful to learn to step back from these, become

aware of how our minds work

It can be helpful to cultivate a compassionate mind - with its 1. The Three System Model…
ability to shape our attention, thinking, emotions and
behaviour - to engage in and help to relieve the pain the
trauma has caused

1. Those that focus on threat and self-protection

An evolutionary functional analysis

of emotion 2. Those that focus on doing and achieving

3. Those that focus on contentment and feeling safe

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Drive, Excite, Vitality Content, Safe, Soothed

Non-wanting &
Incentive & resource Affiliative focused
focused
Wanting, pursuing, Safeness-kindness
achieving, consuming
Soothing, Calming &
Activating Resting

Threat-focused Threat-focused

Protection & Safety-seeking

Protection & Safety-seeking

Activating & Inhibiting Activating & Inhibiting

Anger, Anxiety, Disgust Anger, Anxiety, Disgust

Thinking

Motivation
& Imagery

Exercise:

Attention
THREAT Physiology
How does threat system get
affected by trauma?

Behaviour Emotions

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 Symptoms of PTSD & Threat System

Threat-focused

Protection & Safety-seeking

Activating & Inhibiting

Threat-focused

Protection & Safety-seeking

Flashbacks Avoidance Hypervigilance
Activating & Inhibiting

Anger, Anxiety, Disgust

Symptoms of complex trauma & Threat System

Important to hold in mind whether the trauma was linked to people

Impersonal Interpersonal
Threat-focused

Protection & Safety-seeking

Transportation accidents (e.g. road, Childhood sexual, emotional or

Activating & Inhibiting
train, tube) physical abuse

Work accidents Bullying

Natural disasters (e.g. earthquake) Rape/sexual assault

Flashbacks Avoidance Hypervigilance Life threatening illness Domestic violence

Intrusions Shame Hyperarousal Dissociation Injuries/accidents to others (e.g. child) Physical assault (e.g. mugging,
stabbing)
Anger Anxiety/Fear Disgust Self-harm
Emotion Your approach to therapy in CFT may be different dependent on whether
Self-criticism Shut down clients are more on the left or right of this table…(e.g. directly engaging in
dysregulation trauma vs phased based…)

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 Complex Trauma – Trauma from other
people

• Much of complex trauma relational – other people the source of our

pain and threat activation

Key Threat System Processes in

• Soothing affiliative system compromised – noxious or toxic – cannot be
accessed easily externally or internally Complex Trauma

• Tragedy – that people blame themselves for this (self-criticism) and

struggle to turn to others for help (shame)

Experience high external and internal threat

Sadness, Grief & Loss Shame & Self-Criticism

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 Shame as a Multi-Faceted Experience
1. A social or external component - a sense that others
see me as bad, inadequate, useless, a failure

2. An Internal self-evaluative component - I am bad,

inadequate, flawed, useless, a failure

3. An emotional component - anxiety, anger, self-disgust,

self-contempt

4. A behavioural component - desire to hide or conceal

own behaviours, thoughts or feelings and\or to retaliate
against shamer

5. A physiological component - increased arousal,

sympathetic \ parasympathetic ANS, stress hormone
release, 5 H-T

Shame
Shame – thought to be related to a much older word that meant ‘to cover’

Intuitive sense to this – what do you want to do if you feel ashamed of your
body? …conceal/cover..

Linked to a type of social threat – sense that others will reject, criticise or
devalue, see us as inferior - rejection

The thing that we feel that others will do this for may vary massively e.g.
• something we’ve done

• something that’s been done to us

• something about us (e.g. our personality, appearance)
• our urges/desires

14
 Shame
Sometimes shame emerges in context of disappointments and/or feeling not Shame & Self-Criticism
good enough

Strong link between shame and self-criticism (r =.50 to .70 in non clinical
Not so much that we not lived up to our standards, but that we’ve become an samples)

undesired or undesirable self (both in eyes of others, but also how we feel
about ourselves)
Lidsay-Hartz et al. (1995) – participants described themselves as “I’m fat and
Many people who experience trauma blame themselves, feel that it’s their
fault: “I deserved this”, “I caused this”, “I should have done something
differently”

ugly” not “I failed to be thin”

Although not our fault that we engage in this process (self-blame is very
common in humans for various reasons), it can make it harder to manage
Shame linked to who I don’t want to be…an anti-ideal
and recover from trauma

Experience of trauma (and relational trauma) is significantly associated with Self-criticism - can fan the flames of trauma - like putting out fire with more
higher levels of shame fire

Threat system to threat system

Internal Threat and More threat Drive, Excite, Vitality

Incentive & resource

focused
Wanting, pursuing,
achieving, consuming
Shame/Self
Threat Maintains PTSD/Trauma Activating
Criticism

Dr Deborah Lee 2014

15
 Content, Safe, Soothed

Non-wanting &
Affiliative focused

Exercise:
Safeness-kindness

Soothing, Calming &

Resting
How does drive system get
affected by trauma?

Content, Safe, Soothed

Non-wanting &
Affiliative focused

Safeness-kindness

Soothing, Calming &

Resting

16
 Thinking

Motivation
& Imagery

Exercise:

How does the soothing system Attention

Soothing Physiology

get affected by trauma?

Behaviour Emotions

Drive, Excite, Vitality Content, Safe, Soothed

Using the Three System
Model to Formulate
Non-wanting &
Incentive & resource Affiliative focused
focused
Wanting, pursuing, Safeness-kindness
achieving, consuming
Soothing, Calming &
Activating
Resting

Threat-focused

Protection & Safety-seeking

Activating & Inhibiting

Anger, Anxiety, Disgust

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How are the three systems often balanced Trauma

for many of our traumatised clients?

Little pleasure
Alone

Striving Lack of care

Rumination

Shame & Self-Criticism

Fear of anger

Anxious

Submissive

Traumatised minds make traumatised

Traumatised minds and threat minds…
choices

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So, what’s the aim in CFT? To put it simply…

Build Blue Grow Green

Reduce Red

Reduce Red

19
 Reduce Red

All therapies seek to work with the threat system

This can include many different things, for example:

• grounding techniques

Build Blue
• exposure

• reducing frequency of negative thoughts, intrusions, flashbacks

• reliving

• restructuring memories

• changing the content of negative thoughts, memories etc

• working with/reducing defences

• accepting difficult thoughts and feelings

• mindful awareness of difficult thoughts and feelings

Build Blue

Lots of ways to build and develop drive system,

including:

Grow Green
• Activity scheduling

• Behaviour activation

• Positive psychology

• Paying attention to what’s helpful

• Connecting with people

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 Grow Green

Lots of ways to grow the green system, including:

CFT Practice & Trauma

• Mindfulness

• Breathing

• Body focus
Compassionate Mind Training
• Imagery

• Soothing activities

• Connecting with people

Key to CFT in trauma - and self-

Whilst trauma was happening,
compassion more generally - is how to
help clients meet their unmet needs what was unmet need at that time?

21
 Therapeutic Foundations
Creating conditions for therapy - e.g. therapeutic relationship, secure base,
supportive assessment & formulation

Phase 1 Psychoeducation: tricky brain (new/old brain), three system model (functional
analysis of emotion), social shaping, not your fault

What compassion is, common myths, fears - blocks - resistances

…but how do we help people to get there?

Compassionate Mind Training
Body training
How do we help people get to the pain, particularly in Phase 2 Mindfulness
complex, interpersonal traumas?
Soothing Rhythm Breathing

Compassionate self and image

Putting the Compassionate Mind to Work

Self-to-self relationship (e.g. shame and self-criticism)

Phase 3
Examples Relationships
of Process: Socratic dialogues, with others
guided discovery, narrating, mind
mapping, reflection, use of Complex
silence, MI, downward
emotions and memories arrow, chaining,
diagramming, thought experiments, behavioural experiments, acting, exposure
programs, chair
Presenting work,
problems emotion
(e.g. regulation
trauma, voice etc
hearing, depression)

Therapeutic Foundations

Can include (amongst others):

Phase 1

▪ Attention training
▪ Mindfulness
Compassionate Mind Training ▪ Body posture
Body training ▪ Soothing breathing
Phase 2
Grounding
▪ Compassionate smell
Mindfulness
Soothing Rhythm Breathing
▪ Compassionate colour
Compassionate self and image
▪ Compassionate objects
▪ Calm place imagery
Putting the Compassionate Mind to Work ▪ Compassionate memory
▪ Compassionate self
Phase 3
Examples of Process: Socratic dialogues, guided discovery, narrating, mind ▪ Compassionate other
mapping, reflection, use of silence, MI, downward arrow, chaining, ▪ LKM (metta)
diagramming, thought experiments, behavioural experiments, acting, exposure
programs, chair work, emotion regulation etc

22
23
Using the body to support the mind Body Posture

24
 Soothing Rhythm Breathing Compassionate Other

Exercise Imagery

Creating a Compassionate Other

Cultivating images of a compassionate figure (what we would
like and find helpful for ourselves) can be an important step
in cultivating your compassionate mind

Links to research showing that bringing to mind people that ‘Compassionate other’ as reflection
we feel safe and secure with helps to manage distress
of secure attachment
It may be helpful to spend some time finding the type of
image that best works for you – the image may change over
time (e.g. adding different qualities or aspects to it)

You may call it different names: compassionate other,

compassionate friend/mentor, perfect nurturer or inner guide

Exercise: What do you feel are the key qualities that it would
be important for your compassionate other to have?

25
 ATTACHMENT FIGURE –
CHILD ORIENTATED TO:
– AN IMAGE TO:
Proximity seeking – child
seeks out and desires
closeness with parent
closeness with
Safe haven – parent acts as
source of comfort, soothing &
emotion regulation when
distressed (threat system)
distressed (threat system)
Secure base – parent as
source of security & guidance
to develop confidence to go
out, explore the world,
develop relationships etc
Compassionate Self
Wisdom Strength
COMPASSIONATE OTHER
Proximity seeking – we can
seek out and desire
Safe haven – acts as source Qualities of the Compassion
of comfort, soothing &
emotion regulation when Other
Secure base – acts as source
of security & guidance to
develop confidence to go out,
explore the world, develop
relationships etc
Wisdom
They will be wise and understanding - and this will draw from
the psychoeducation we’ve explored. That this is just one
version of us - that if we’d been raised in our next door
neighbours house, we’d be a different version of ourselves.
That we didn’t choose our genes, our gender, our skin colour.
That we have a tricky brain that easily gets caught up in to
loops - that we’ve been bestowed with emotions, some of
which (e.g. anger, shame) can be very distressing but we
didn’t choose to experience
Wisdom also about helpful ideas about what might help with
these insights
Caring
26
 Strength and groundedness
Caring Commitment

Your compassionate other will be strong, grounded
and confident – you’ll have a sense that they can
tolerate your distress, that they will remain available
and responsive no matter what your distress or
difficulties might be
rise to suffering
They will be motivated to do what they can to be
supportive, helpful and caring to you. They’ll be able
to see clearly into the nature of suffering and have
heartfelt wish to alleviate it, and conditions that give

Evidence?

• Gilbert & Irons (2004) – compassionate imagery linked with a

greater self-soothing in self-critics

• Thinking of attachments reduces noradrenic stress response

(Bryant and Chan 2015)

• Thinking of a romantic attachment figure reduces blood

Exercise - Compassionate Other/ pressure to same level as having a romantic partner in the
Image room (Bourassa, Ruiz, and Sbarra 2019)

• Thinking about attachment figure reduces painfulness of

traumatic memories (Bryant and Foord 2016)

• Priming attachment security reduces depression and anxiety

(Carnelley et al. 2018)

• Repeated priming of attachment security by various means

leads to more lasting secure attachment (Hudson and Fraley
2018)

27
 Pattern of Compassion
Compassion as a pattern

The Compassionate Self

Compassion as something that is known and

already embodied (in the past)

Self-Identity
We can help people to reconnect with this pattern

Helping to access and cultivate a compassionate

self-identity

Can do this through many routes

Qualities of the Compassionate Self

ATTACHMENT FIGURE – COMPASSIONATE SELF –
CHILD ORIENTATED TO:
PART OF SELF THAT:

Wisdom – arises from insight into the non-personal

nature of the flow of life. How our genes and social
Proximity seeking – child Proximity seeking – we can
seeks out and desires seek out and desire conditions shape us, and how we don’t choose much
closeness with parent
closeness with
of what goes on in our mind – but take responsibility
for what we can

Safe haven – parent acts as Safe haven – acts as source

source of comfort, soothing & of comfort, soothing &
emotion regulation when emotion regulation when Strength and a sense of inner confidence and
distressed (threat system)
distressed (threat system)
authority that arises from body grounding, inner
stilling and wisdom.

Secure base – parent as Secure base – acts as source

source of security & guidance
to develop confidence to go
out, explore the world,
develop relationships etc
of security & guidance to
develop confidence to go out,
explore the world, develop
relationships etc
Caring Commitment arises from seeing clearly into
the nature of suffering and cultivating a heartfelt wish
to alleviate suffering and conditions that give rise to
suffering – desire to be supportive and helpful

28
 Why try and create a ‘compassionate
Developing Compassionate Self - Acting self’?
Evidence that imagining & practicing of a particular ‘self’ shapes
the mind
Conceptualise the key qualities of a character

• Practicing Compassionate Self associated with increase in

compassion (three flows) & positive emotion, and decrease
Focus on embodiment - e.g. facial expression, voice tones and
body posture
self-criticism, depression and stress (Matos et al, 2017)

• Guided self-help of Compassionate Mind Training exercises

Empathise with how this character might think and see the world –
what their core values are and how they would respond to associated with increases in wellbeing, self-compassion and
situations in the world
gratitude, and reductions in self-criticism, depression and
anxiety (Sommers-Spijkerman et al., 2018)

Use memory as a way of connecting with a version of the character

• Increases motivation to engage in difficulties (Breines &

Chen, 2012; Condon et al., 2013)

• Linked to physiological benefits (Weng, 2013; Pace et al

2009)

• Attending this 8 week CMT group - brings increases in self-

Exercise – Developing CFT Treatment & Trauma

Compassionate Self
Putting the compassionate mind
to work…

29
 Therapeutic Foundations Therapeutic Foundations
Creating conditions for therapy - e.g. therapeutic relationship, secure base,
supportive assessment & formulation

Phase 1 Psychoeducation: tricky brain (new/old brain), three system model (functional Phase 1
analysis of emotion), social shaping, not your fault

What compassion is, common myths, fears - blocks - resistances

Compassionate Mind Training Compassionate Mind Training

Body training

Phase 2 Mindfulness Phase 2

Soothing Rhythm Breathing

Compassionate self and image

Putting the Compassionate Mind to Work Putting the Compassionate Mind to Work
Self-to-self relationship (e.g. shame and self-criticism) Self-to-self relationship (e.g. shame and self-criticism)

Phase 3
Examples Relationships
of Process: Socratic dialogues, with others
guided discovery, narrating, mind Phase 3
Examples Relationships
of Process: Socratic dialogues, with others
guided discovery, narrating, mind
mapping, reflection, use of Complex
silence, MI, downward
emotions and memories arrow, chaining, mapping, reflection, use of Complex
silence, MI, downward
emotions and memories arrow, chaining,
diagramming, thought experiments, behavioural experiments, acting, exposure diagramming, thought experiments, behavioural experiments, acting, exposure
programs, chair
Presenting work,
problems emotion
(e.g. regulation
trauma, voice etc
hearing, depression) programs, chair
Presenting work,
problems emotion
(e.g. regulation
trauma, voice etc
hearing, depression)

How to put the compassionate mind to work?

Multi-Modal Compassion Competencies

30
 Calm Place &
Imagery Compassionate
other

Sensitivity Sympathy Sensitivity Sympathy

Attention Reasoning Here & Not my
fault
Care for Distress Now Care for Distress
well-being Compassion tolerance well-being Compassion tolerance

Non-Judgement Empathy Non-Judgement Empathy

Feeling Behaviour Soothing Doing what
emotions matters

Sensory Smell +
Grounding

Putting the compassionate mind to work

Example – Working with Shame
Focus on engaging in and alleviating distress Need skills of mindfulness, breathing and compassion first (…but
also fear of compassion) – then apply them
Once a client’s capacity for compassion has developed, we can think
about using it to help in therapy.
Kim (55 year old – complex trauma – shame FBs e.g. my fault/bad/
dirty)
Variety of specific interventions – many of which are used in other
psychotherapeutic activities – to help someone work with 1)To help with general threat activation
transdiagnostic aspects of distress and difficulties (e.g. self-criticism, Mindfulness (to beginning of threat activation, triggers, body
shame, self-harm etc). For example: changes etc), Soothing Breathing, Safe place…also sensory (smell)
• Compassionate thought forms
• Compassionate letter writing 2) To help with feeling of disgust
• Compassionate chair work
• Multiple-self work Soothing/calming colour, compassionate smell
• Compassion for the self-critic
Trauma specific interventions – reliving (prolonged exposure), 3) To help with FB
restructuring/rescripting of memories, EMDR – but with CFT Compassionate rescript (vs standard rescript)
flavour!

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 Rescript for shame FB Compassionate rescript for shame FB
What would you like to feel/like to happen instead in the
What would you like to feel/like to happen instead in the memory?
memory?
Initial response – “don’t know” (couldn’t even think about – too
Initial response – “don’t know” (couldn’t even think about – too overwhelming)…at this stage, bring SBR, compassion imagery
overwhelming) to help frontal cortex/reflective functioning

Want to feel powerful, strong – want to kill him, want him to
suffer
Outcome – helpful? Feel strong. Happy he suffered…but not
change fear and overall affect of FB overtime
Want to feel safe – to feel that someone there supporting and
protecting me (attachment – connection – soothing system)
and that it is not my fault (undermine sense of shame and SC)
Outcome – helpful, feel strong but with sense of safeness/not
alone underpinning it. Realise not my fault. FB decrease.

Compassionate rescript for shame FB

Kim - Ideal Compassionate Other (older man, a little like one of her
teachers – tall, strong but kind)

What does it want you to know?

“This was not your fault. Your foster-father was the adult, and had a
Compassionate Letter Writing
legal responsibility to you – you did not cause or deserve this, the
abuse started in his mind. This was a terrible thing that you had to go
through, but you have shown real strength and courage to cope in
your life and be willing to come to therapy”
De-shame and develop a new
relationship with self
How will your CI help you in the FB?
It will help me to feel safe, that I’m not on my own. It will remind me
that it is not my fault. It will have authority to tell my foster father to
leave my room. It will sit by me, with an arm round my shoulder,
helping me to feel secure and safe. It will stay with me until I feel calm
again.

32
 Compassionate Letter Writing
Different methods to practice relating to ourselves in a new way.
Many of us have an critical, hostile, denigrating or angry way of relating
to themselves (internal stimulant of threat system)
CMT interested in how we can cultivate new way – a compassionate,
caring, affiliative way – with ourselves.
One way of doing this is through expressive writing - Pennebaker –
writing about facts & feelings of difficult experiences for 20 minutes on
four days led to significant benefits on physical health vs control group
who wrote about neutral topics
Evidence of benefits across range of health & psychological outcomes
Recent adaptations of paradigm – e.g. ‘positive writing’ but of course,
compassionate letter writing!
Example
Dear David
I know that this past few days has been very difficult for you. You’ve felt
disheartened by how the practice you’ve been doing hasn’t made you feel
better, and that you’re still struggling with the flashbacks and nightmares. I
know you’re also worried that you’ll be stuck feeling this awful for ever. I
want you to know that it’s understandable that you feel disappointed by this
– it’s horrible for us when our hopes and efforts don’t seem to come to
fruition straight away, especially when we’re experiencing so much distress.
I know that this can make you feel that there’s no hope, and that there’s
something wrong with you. But it might be helpful here to remember that
other people struggle with this type of thing, and that it’s not your fault. You
didn’t choose to experience the trauma, and your body and mind (threat
system) are just doing what they’ve evolved to do.
Try to remember when you feel like this that this could be an opportunity to
apply your skills as well – mindfully noticing the ‘loops in your mind’ and
to try and step back from self-criticism and worries that things won’t
change. It might also be helpful to see what you’re ideal compassionate
other would say to you at this time…
Exercise: Compassionate letter writing
It expresses concern and genuine caring
It is sensitive to your distress and needs
It is sympathetic and responds emotionally to your distress
It helps you face/tolerate your feelings and become more tolerant of
them
It helps you become more understanding and reflective of your
feelings, difficulties and dilemmas
It is non-judgemental/non-condemning
A genuine sense of warmth, understanding and caring permeates the
whole letter
It helps you think about the behaviour you may need to adopt in
order to get better
Exercise - Compassionate Letter Writing
Initial attention and recognition of something that has been difficult
for you recently, but with acknowledgement for attempts made to cope
Empathy and understanding of the struggles you’re having/may be
thinking about in future. This may include aspects of your struggles
being understandable and not your fault, and in understanding how it
can be hard to navigate these types of situations in life
Move on to try and focus on what your compassionate self/other would
suggest might be needed to help you cope with the difficulty. This may
include ideas about what helped you in the past with similar struggles,
or what might help you cope now
Finish the letter by considering what would be helpful for you in the
coming days with your struggle – what your compassionate self/other
can do to support you given the difficulty
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 Conditioning and Threat Emotions
How emotions and desires can become non-conscious
(Ferster 1973)

Anger Punishment
Multiple Selves
Anxiety

Any emotion or motivation (urge) can become a CS of any

other

Relation between Threat Emotions

Conflicts of Emotions
Which emotions are missing when people
blocks have suffered interpersonal traumas?
Anger Anxiety

bl s
oc ck
ks blo
Sadness

Each emotion can have its own body

states, cognitions, action tendencies and
memories

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 Anger Fear

How to help explore and work with

Sadness and Grief blocked, numbed or missing emotions?

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 ANGRY ANXIOUS
Thoughts Thoughts
Body Body
Action Action
Memory Memory
Outcome Outcome

Exercise – Multiple Self ARGUMENT

SADNESS COMPASSION
Thoughts Thoughts
Body Body
Action Action
Memory Outcome
Outcome

Angry Self Sad Self

Thoughts: Thoughts:

Body: Body:

Action: Action:

Memory: Memory:
Which emotion did you find easiest to
Outcome: Outcome:
connect with?
Anxious Self

Thoughts:

Body:

Action:

Memory:

Outcome:

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 “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the Anger is just sad’s bodyguard…
other person to die.”

• What does your angry part think & feel about your
anxious part?
• What does your anxious part think & feel about your
angry part?
• What does your angry part think & feel about your
Which emotion did you find hardest to sad part?
connect with?
• What does your sad part think & feel about your
angry part?
• What does your anxious part think & feel about your
sad part?
• What does your sad part think & feel about your
anxious part?

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 Multiple Selves
ANGRY SELF
ANXIOUS SELF Get back in to your compassionate self – wise, strong,
Blame other person
What if I caused this?
It’s their fault
They might not like me now caring part of you
They shouldn’t have done that
Wish this never happened Need
Get my own back/make
to appease them
them apologise Take two minutes to note down what your
compassionate self (that is wise, strong and caring)
thinks or understands about:
ARGUMENT
• The reaction of your angry part to the argument
COMPASSIONATE SELF
SAD SELF
Mindfulness and stand back
They hurt me • The reaction of your anxious part to the argument
They have damaged the Understand & validate my other ‘selves’
& other person’s experience
relationship
Consider what would be helpful
Loss - Withdraw
Kind voice - stillness
• The reaction of your sad part to the argument

A traumatised mind can be an unintegrated mind…

Exercise: Multiple Self
Learning Points:
▪ Whatever state you are in fills your attention and sets up
different responses
▪ Some parts want to hold you there
▪ Moving into compassionate part takes effort and practice
Anxiety
▪ Your angry self, anxious self etc has only a narrow response Disgust Anger
Sad
- inflexible. Although there may be some wisdom and
insight from these parts, it will always be limited
▪ Compassionate self “can see things from the balcony”,
whole picture, flexible, problem solving
▪ Can shift attention
▪ Compassionate self is like conductor, or captain of the ship

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 Embedded
Embedded
Embedded
Embedded
Emotions
Emotions
Emotions
Emotions
- Depression
---Trauma
Rejection
Trauma
ANGRY ANXIOUS
Thoughts Thoughts
Body Body
Compassionate Mind Action Action
Empathy - Validate - Tolerate - Accept Memory Memory
Outcome Outcome

Trauma
Disgust Sad Anxiety Anger

SADNESS COMPASSION
Thoughts Thoughts
Body Body
Action Action
Memory Outcome
Outcome

Trauma

www.selfcompassion.me/

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 Dr Chris Irons

chris@balancedminds.com

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