Chapter 2 : The unknown

It felt like my whole 18th year was in grey scale. I couldn’t sit with my feelings and the pain
became unbearable sometimes. I was using other people to escape from that nagging sense of
loneliness that seems to creep in every time I was alone. Until I couldn’t anymore.
Gradually I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own company. I took a leap of faith into the
unknown and it brought me to places I’ve never could imagine.

It’s a strange paradox that in the wake of losing someone, we find parts of ourselves that were
buried under the noise of our lives.

Chapter 2: the space

The more I engage in these alone activities, the more I understand and embrace the true
meaning of solitude. It’s not just doing things alone or the state of being alone. It’s about the
space it creates for introspection and self-discovery. When there’s no one else around and
nothing to distract me, my thoughts and emotions have nowhere to hide. The good, the neutral
and the bad. I cannot put on a façade but come face to face with my true self, who at the time
was confused about her identity as an individual and had lost her sense of self. Because she had
attached so much of her value and worth to others. I had spent so long neglecting this truth,
using the noise of the world to avoid my inner voice. It was not an easy on to accept, but I know
I needed to embrace the truth in order to overcome my past.

But as much as solitude offers the time and space to reflect and grow, it’s not the answer to all
my questions. After all, no man is an island. We’re not made to live by ourselves. We are made
to form relationships and build communities. At times, I could still feel lonely and hate to be
alone, but I’m grateful to have friends that I’m comfortable with. They’ve made me realize how
effortless relationships can be when you’re surrounded by the right people and that I don’t
actually need to carry all the weight by myself. It’s ok to lean on people and ask for help

I started to appreciate the idea of finding balance in these days. Nothing is complete black and
white. There’s no need to glorify being able to do things alone as there’s no shame in seeking
warmth in companionship and asking for help. We can embrace both solitude and the company
of others equally and wholeheartedly as each has its own unique value and beauty.

Because it’s in these moments of quiet reflection and shared laughter, in the depths of solitude
and the richness of connection, that we come to understand the full spectrum of life