Af

terTheDar
kCl
ouds.
..

Pr
ologue

Neighbor sarest andingbyt heirfenceswi tnessing

thedr ama, chi
ldrenst oppedpl ayingt owatch,
Driversslammedont heirbrakesanddeci dedt opark
herebef orecont i
nuingt otheirplanneddest inati
ons.
Whodoesn’ tli
kef reelivedrama?IknowIdo, I
alway sfoundmy selfrunningmi lesawayj ust
witnesst hosegr uesomecaracci dentsevent houghI
knewIwi ll
sufferthet raumaconsequencesl ateat
night.It
’salway snicet onarratesomet hi
ngy ousaw
withy ourowney esthanwhaty our eadinthepaper s.

Justlooki
ngatt hem I
’
mr emindedofwhatt ook
pl
acethreeyearsbackwhenourhomewast urned
i
ntoacr i
mescene.Myst epfatherhadtaki
nghi s
ownli
febydr owninghimselfinsidethebatht
ub.Was
i
thisdoingthough?Til
ltodayIst il
laskmyselfthat
quest
ion.Hedidn’tdi
splayanysui ci
dalsi
gnslikehe
wast hehappi estsoul onear thbutdon’ tweal ldoso
wel lt
oactl i
kewe’ vegoti tallfi
gur edoutont he
out si
dewhi leinsidewear eat otal mess?ButIst il
l
thinkifthepol i
cehadgonedeepi ntotheir
i
nv esti
gat i
ontheywoul dhav ediscov er
edt hatther
e
wassomef oul playandmay bet hepersont hat’
s
busygi vingpeopl eal iveshowr i
ghtnowatmy
expensewoul dbear esidentatsomepr i
sonr i
ght
nowandIwoul dn’thavet obest ri
ppednakedand
humi li
atedliket hi
s.HowIsowi shmyst epfather
wasst illal
iverightnow, hewast heonlyonet hat
trulycaredaboutmei nt hishousewel lhim andmy
l
ittl
ebr otherFreedom.I ’m surehi sbusybeggi ng
Godt ogi vehim asecondchanceonear thagainso
thathecancomeandr escueme.Mayhi slovelysoul
cont i
nuet oresti npower .

“Ial
waysknewy ouwi l
l r
emainafail
urejustl
ikeyour
nugator
yalcoholi
cfather.You’
renot
hingbutawast e
ofsperm butI
’m notshockedyoucomef r
om a
usel
esssperm.Eighthour sofl
aborpainsjustto
usheroutathingli
key outotheworl
d?Youwer enot
worthitatall.Isentyoutoschool andy oucome
backwi thabi gstomachcar r
yingabr eathi
ngDegree
worsey ouwer etryi
ngt ohideitfr
om mebywear i
ng
oversi
zedcl othesandjersey’
sev enwheni t’
shot?
Yousuchal it
tleconniv
ingwitchy oucankillme.
Whathav eIdonesowr onginlif
et odeservesucha
cursefrom God?ONgwadl aMadzal eniandIwant
yououtofmyhouse. ”

Ifi
ghttheedget ot ellherthatshedi dn’tsendmet o
school,Iwor kedver yhardt osecur eabur sar y
.Ialso
fi
ghtast rongedget ot el
lherhowwasIgoi ngt o
shareaboutmypr egnancywi t
hherwhi leIhav e
neversatdownwi t hherandwat chasoapi eand
haveamot heranddaught erconv ersationIdon’ t
evenunder standthenameMadzal eni andwhyshe
namedmet hat.i
t’
snotl i
keshecoul dn’tcreatetime
forthatbecauseI ’
v eseenherdoi ngi tcountless
ti
meswi t
hLondekabutIwi l
lfi
ghtt hatedget oask
becauseIknowwhenshei sspitti
ngoutVer nonlike
thi
sy oudon’ tdarer espondbackandbesi desI ’
ve
neverbeent hatkindofachi l
dtor espondback.Ihad
mast eredt hear tofmostnor mal bl
ackchi ldr
en“You
neverr espondwhenadul t
saret al
king.Younev er
speaky ourmi ndory ou’l
lbelabell
edasa
disrespect f
ulchi l
dwhosecont roll
edbyher
hormones.Ist ronglybeli
evemostt hi ngswouldbe
resolvedi fwewer egivenachancet ov oi
ceoutour
opinions.Thi schildthatI’
m carryi
ngwi l
lhavethe
ri
ghtt oexer ci
seherf reedom ofspeech.

“You’redeadt omeMadzal eni.Idon’ teverwantt o

seey oui nmyl if
eev eragain.Yout akey ou’redegree
andl eav emyhouse.Asf arasI ’m concer nedIonl y
havet woki ds,Freedom andLondeka. ”The
declar ati
onisaccompani edwi t
hashoet hrowi ng.
Nowy ouseewhyIt hinktherewassomeki ndoff oul
playinmyst epf at
her’sdeath?Ipl acet hehandon
myf ace, itcanlandany wherej ustnotonmyf ace.
Don’tweal ldothat?Tr ysohar dt oshieldt heface
everyt imet oavoidbruises.HowIwi shitwas
possi bletoblockitfrom hitt
ingt hehear tinstead.
“
Aaahsust
erngwanaphosadi
raabol
awe.
”

Simpl yt ransl atedasy oudon’ tkil

lachi ldf ormaki ng
ami stake.Ir eal l
yappr eciatehimt ryi
ngt ointer v
ene
butther ei sar easonwhyournei ghbor skeptqui t
e
eversi ncet hisdr amast arted.Everykasi hast hat
womanev erybodyl ovest ohate,thatwomanwho
thi
nkssohi ghl yofher selfdoesn’tgr eetorat tend
anysoci algat her i
ngandohshehassl eptwi th
almostal lthemeni nthenei ghbor hoodnotbecause
shel ovedt hem butshewasj ustdoingi tjusttospi t
e
thei
rwomen.Thati sNomat hembaNdl ozi,my
mot her .Ithinkherbeaut ykindofgav eheral icense
tothinkshei sabov eev erybodyelse.HowcanI
descr i
beherl ooks?i t
’slikeherpar entsgav eGoda
sampl eofhowt heywanthert olookl i
keandhe
carr
iedoutt hei rrequestexceedi ngly.Shet urned
headsev erywher eshewent ,wit
houtt aki ngabat h
shecoul dst il
l beatupwomenwhospenthour swith
aprof essi onal makeupar ti
st.
“Whot hehelldoy outhi
nkyouar etoengageme
withyourcheapCor oll
asmel l
i
ngpet rol
?Youcan
takeherwi t
hy ouifyouthi
nky oucandoabet terjob”
Sheswi ngsherper f
ectl
ycraft
edcur vesandbums
walki
ngbacki nsi
dethehouse.Ifeelsohumi l
i
at ed
onbehal fofthepoormanbecauseshej ustdoesn’t
shockmeany mor eevenotherspectator
swho
knowsherar enotshockedt oo.Mostoft hem have
hadat onguel ashi
ngencounterwithherbefore.Her
mouthspi tsfascesandnotlooseonesbuthar d
onesthatleav esaverybadstench.

“Doyouhav eany wheretogo?Icandr opyouof f.

”
Themansay swithhisarmr est
edonmyshoul der.
Hisfacedispl
ayingallki
ndofagony .Iwagmyhead
andcontinueplacingtheremaini
ngclothesinside
thebigplast
icbag, t
hatoneusedt oputtrashinside.
IshouldbedonesoonIdon’ townsomanycl othes.
Ithi
nkshewasj ustwaiti
ngfortheperfect
opportuni
tyt
opr esenti
tsel
fjusttogetmeoutofher
hair
.Iwasnev erherchi
ld.Herkidswereonly
Freedom andLondekaandshewasnev erashamed
toshowmor eaffect
iontowardst hem.Iknowmost
l
adiesleavetheirmother’
shousewear i
ngawhi te
gownorbecauset heyhavecompl et
edt hei
rstudies
andlandedagr eatjob.Iwon’tli
eandsayInev er
dreamtofthoseki ndoffarewellbutrightnowI ’
m
deli
ghtedtobeget ti
ngoutoft hi
shouse.Ihav e
nowher et
ogoatt hi
spointbutapar tofmei s
rel
ievedtobeoutofher e.Idon’twantmychi l
dt o
growupi nthisenvir
onment .

Iremembermy selffullofenvywhenIusedt ospot

streetki dsr oami ngar oundthestreet
si ntown
beggi ngf orf ood.Youknowwhy ?Becauset heywere
brav eenought ochoosepeaceov erar oofont opof
theirheads.Ibel i
evenochi ldcangiveupt he
comf ortofsl eepingi nawar m bedandt heirsafety
unlessi ft heywer epushedsohar dandi t’
ssoeasy
forust oj udget hem becauset hemostki ndofabuse
whi chispopul ari smenbeat i
ngupwoman.I t
’sj
ust
sohar dt obel i
ev ethatawomancanabuseachi l
d
theycar ri
edf orni nemont hspsychological
ly,
emot i
onal lyandphy sical
ly
.
“Sesipleasedon’ tgo, don’tl
eaveme.Iwi l
l savemy
pocketmoneyev eryday .Iwon’tbuyanysweet sat
school.Iwi l
lsavet hemoneyf ory ouandt hebaby
j
ustdon’ tgopl ease.”It’
smyl it
tlebr ot herFr eedom,
Hei ssniv el
i
ngandhi sar msareov er spreadonmy
l
egs.Thi ssendsmei ntoacompl et emel tdown.I
neverplannedt obr eakdownbutnowIj ustcan’ thel
p
i
t.Kidsdon’ tdeser vetobesuf fert heconsequences
ofadultsbadact i
onsbutt hesadt hi ngi sthatt hey
arealway stheoneswhosuf f
erst hemostwel l
exceptf orLondeka, sheisnotbot her edbyanyof
thi
satal l.Mymot herhaspassedherhat etowar ds
herandshe’ sdoingsowel lati
t.

Freedom i ssuchagoodboy ,Ienvytheladyhe’s

goingtomar r
y.Ijustprayheremai nsli
kethis
forever.Heusedt ohelpmeoutwhenIhadt odo
dailyhousechor esthatwouldhav esentaneedy
mai daway .Heusedt osneaki nfoodf ormewhen
thepuni shmentwasnof oodwhi chdidn’tj
ust
happenoccasi onallyi
thappenedmostoft hetimeor
hewoul dsharethosenicetakeaway sIwasnotgood
enought
oeat.Heusedtoopenthedoorf
ormeand
sneakmeinsi
dewhenthepuni
shmentwassleepi
ng
outsi
dei
nthecol
dness.

“Getupandlookatme.Bi
gboy sdon’
tcryremember
youalwaysusedtotel
lmethatQueensdon’tcr
y
everyt
imeIcri
ed?”
“
Whereareyougoing?Will
theyt
reaty
our
ightand
wi
ll
Ieverseeyouagain?
”

WhataQuest i
on.Wil
lIbetreatedri
ghtwhereI’
m
goi
ng?I’
vebeingdreadingt
ot hinkoft
hisQuestion.I
pul
lhi
m closerandsqueezehim Icoul
dev enfeel
hi
m st
ruggli
ngtobreath.

“
All
shal
lbewel
l
.I’
l
lcomebackf
ory
oubaby
.”

Icarryt
hebigpl
asti
cbagandgeti nsidet
heman’s
car.He’
sevenkindenought
oopent hedoorf
orme.
I’
ml eav
ingahousewhereIf
irstheardthewordf
uck
you,whereIf i
rstheardthewordy ourstupid, useless,
uglyandwi l
lnev eramounttoanything.Ahouse
whereIgotmyphy si
calandemotional bruisest hatI
doubtwi l
levergoaway .IhouseIcoul drelat ethe
worddepr essi
ont owhenIf i
rstl
earnedabouti tin
school.Thishouser i
ghthereisalivi
nghel l onear t
h
andIhav enodoubtt hedev i
lusesittoper for m his
tr
ial
s.

Iwanttopr ayli
keareal
lyl
ongki ndofprayerasking
Godtobewi t
hmeandmaket hi
ngsfall
int
oplace
whereI’
m goingbutI
’m str
uggl i
ngwithanyform of
words.Al
lIcansayisLordpl easebewithmei fyou
can’
tdoitformepleasedoi tformyunbornbaby .
.
..
..
.
We' r
ebackguy s.Ki
ndlymentionyourf
ell
owbooki
sh
l
ov erstostartwithus.Manymi ssedoutonthe
previousstorycosIr emovedthechapter
sandaft
er
remov ingthereisnowayt heycanreadagai
ncosI
onlyshar ethestori
esasinsertsvi
athepage.
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#1

Ifeel aki
ckt hest rongestki ckI’v
eev erf eltever
sincet hi
schi l
dbecamear esidenti nsidemyt ummy .
NowIcanr eall
yf eel thatindeedI ’m expect i
nga
humanbei ngv erysoonwel l Ididatf i
r stbuti twas
i
nt hemosthor ri
bleway slikev omi tingev erylit
tl
e
thingthatpassedt hroughmyt hroati ncl udingwat er
,
cravingforf oodIcoul dn’tev enaf ford, fatigueand
otherunexpl ainablet hings.Youknowwhatmade
them mor ehor r
ible?Ihadnoonet oshar eand
exper i
encet hem wi t
hohwel lexceptf ormyl it
tl
e
brotherFreedom.Hewoul dal way swantt ofeelthe
kicksandt riedbyal lmeanst ogetmet hingsI
want edIstillstandbymywor ds“ Ireal l
yenv ythe
womanhe’ sgoi ngt omar ryoneday .”

Theki
ckwasstr
ongenoughtowakemeupfr
om
mydeepsl
eep.IwonderhowIev
enmanagedt
o
dozeof fIguessmymi ndwasexhaust edfrom all
thethinki
ngi teventual
lyshutdown.Iy awnasI
openmyey esandabi gboardwr i
tt
eni nblackbold
l
etterswel comemyey es“ Baphal
abor wa
Municipali
t y.
”Wear ehere,wearefinallyhere.A
deepwav eofexcitementwashesov ermeunt i
l
those‘whati fquesti
ons’creepsinandst ealthat
excit
ementmoment .

“Sorr
yMadoy oudirecti
onst oPhal abor wapol ice
stati
on?It hinkthest r
eetnamei sPar kstreet”Ilook
atherwi t
hhopef uleyesafterr eadingoutt hestreet
namef rom mydi ary.Ihopeshewon’ tjudgeme
badlyforonl yattempt i
ngtost rikeaconv ersati
on
withhernowbecauseIneedhel pwithdi r
ect i
ons.
Theonl ythingIdi dwhenIent eredt histaxi wasjust
exchangepl easant r
iesandt ookat ripwithmy
thoughts.Iwasnoti nagoodment alstatet o
communi cat ewit hanyone.
“
Ohyes.I
’
m goi
ngatt
hatst
reet
.Mymadam st
ays
t
her
e.”
Iletoutaheavysi ghofreli
efandf eellikeGodheard
thatshortprayerofminebef oreIleftPolokwane.I
feellikemaybet hi
swasi ndeedhiswayofwor king
thingsout.Don’tweallstartthi
nkinglikethatwhen
wewantt hi
ngst oworkoutsobadl y
?Desper ati
on
canl eadyoutoseegol dinall t
hatglit
ters

Iknowourl astconversati
onendedbadl ybecauseI
hadr efusedt
odoanabor ti
onbutIthinkhewasj ust
scaredanddi dn’
tmeananyoft hosewor ds.Hewi l
l
defi
antlybehappytoseemer i
ghtnow.hewi l
lsee
mybi gt ummyandr eali
zethatwecr eat
ed
somet hingsomagical t
hatnight.

ImetGar et
hdur i
ngmyf ir
styearattheUniv
ersi
tyof
Li
mpopo.Hewasdoi nghisl
astyearinPharmacy
andIwasj uststart
ingoutwithmyBachelorof
Educati
ondegr ee,Imanagedtosecureabursary
fr
om FundzaLushaka.Hewassi tt
ingonabench
wit
hhisey esfi
xedonsomemagazi newhenI
spott
edhi m wellhewasn’tt
hebestlooki
ngguyI
thi
nkt hat’
swhyImanagedt oappr oachhim Iwas
tooscar edtoapproachthegoodlookingones,If
elt
l
ikeIwasnotgoodenought obr eaththesameairas
theybreath.Garethwasdarkli
ker eal
lydar
kand
that’
smydef i
nit
ionofnotsogoodl ooki
ng.I’
venever
datedbef or
ebutIknowmydr eam guyissomeone
l
ightincompl exi
on.
Iaskedf ordi rectionstoBl ockFwher et he
registr
ationswher etakingpl acehet ookmet here
well i
tdidn’tjustendt here, hewai t
edf ormeunt i
lI
fi
nishedev erythingandwal kedmet omyr eswhi ch
wascal ledTi ror es.Hehel pedmepackt hingsup
andt ookmeoutf orameal thatsamedayatGat e2.
Gate2i sl i
ket heMar abast adoft heUni versit
yof
Limpopo.Yougethai rsalons, Peopleselli
ngkot as
andal lkindsoff oodsbutt hemostf amousf ood
thereist hechi ckeni ntestinesy ouknowy ourmal a,
diki
lane,menat l
anaandal l.Thepl acebecomeour
favorit
eandl iket heysaywhent heyt r
ytoshor tena
story“Ther estishi st
or y”

Idi
scov
eredt
hathewasapast
or’
ssonwhi
chwas
thereasonwhyhewasagai nstmypregnancyand
didn’
twantmet okeepi t
.Hesaidhisfatherwas
goingtodisownhi m becausehehadt oleadby
exampleast hepastor’
sson.Heconv incedmet o
haveanabor tionbutIrefusedwel
lthat’
sprett
y
muchhowt hingsendedbet weenus.Het ol
dmeI ’
m
onmyowni fIdecidetokeept hechil
d.

“
Weareheresesi
.Comel
et’sgetoff
.”Theol
d
womanbr
ingsmebacktothepresent
Wegetof fandst ar
twalking.Iseethebi gboard
wri
tten“KrugerNational
Par k.
”Istartrecall
i
nghow
Garethalwaysjokedaroundsay inghe’sgoingto
t
akemet oKrugeroneday .Hemademef al
lInl
ove
wit
hPhal aborwajustbyhear i
nghimt alkaboutit
.

Heusedt osayhe’
sgoingt otakemet oMar ulaJazz
festi
val
whichishostedeveryyearatImpala
stadi
um.iti
soneoft hebi
ggestmusi cfesti
val i
nthe
Limpopoprovi
nce.Itatwolegev ent
swhicht hefir
st
i
st hekwait
oandhiphopf oll
owedbyt hejazzand
gospel
thefol
lowi
ngweekend.I
’m notbi
gonkwai
to,
houseandHiphop.I
’
m averyqui
etshysomebody
.

Appar entlytheyservefreeMar ulaalcohol andhe

al
way sj okedaroundsay inghewasgoi ngtogetme
drunkfort heveryfir
stti
meatt hef esti
valandl augh
atmewhenIsi ngoutloudt ot hel i
kesofLi ra, Zonke,
MalaikaandDrTumi onst age.Il aughedoutl oud
whenhesai dthat.Helov edmaki ngmel aughI
guesst hatwasoneoft her easonswhyInev er
spott
edanyr edflagsandt rustedhi m wit
h
every
thingIhav e.Het i
ckedal lt heboxes

Wepassi ngthroughEdenSquar emall.I

t’
sjust
exactl
yhowhehaddescr ibeditt
ome.Ver ysmall
andnice,it
’soneofthosemal l
sy oucouldmeetthe
sameper sonmor ethantentimesinaday .I
tssmall
yetverybeauti
fulandcleanandohnotov ercrowded.
NowIr eall
yseewhypeopl eprefertosett
lein
Phalaborwaandi t
sregardedasoneoft hebest
tour
istattr
acti
onplaceinLimpopo.Ev er
ythi
ngis
t
otal
l
ydi
ff
erenther
eev
ent
heai
risf
lav
ored.

Ican’thelpbutimagineGar
ethandIr ai
singour
chil
dinthispl
ace.IknowIsoundabi tambi t
iousand
stupi
drightnowbecauseofev er
ythi
ngthat
happenedbetweenusbutI ’
m confi
dentthatwear e
goingtomakei twork.
Themalli
sjustoppositethepol
i
cestat
ionand
Magist
rat
ecourt.Irecal
lhowhetol
dmehi shousei
s
j
ustnextt
othepol i
cestation

“Whoareyoucomingtosee?”Thewomanf
inal
l
y
asksaf
teralongwal
kofsil
ence

“
Thef
atherofmychi
l
d.”Isaywhi
l
ebr
ushi
ngmy
t
ummy

Shelooksatmebutdoesn’
tsayany t
hing.She’s
j
udgingmeinherheadIcanjustsee.She’sprobabl
y
thi
nki
ngIshoul
dbeatschool t
hanrunningaftermen
get
ti
ngpr
egnant
.

“
Hewor
ksatt
hemi
nes?
”

Ihear dPhalaborwaisaplacefullofMi nes.Gerald

alway stol
dmet heyhavesomanypeopl ef rom al
l
overbecauset heycometowor katt hemi nes.There
i
sPMCwhi chi soneofthebiggestmi neinSout h
Africa,
Theymi neCopperandt hent hereisalso
Foskormi newhi chdealswithphosphat erock.They
sayi t
’sonet ownwi t
hthehighestrateofHi vand
Aidsher ei
nLi mpopobecauseoft hebi gmi nes,The
skietogsoldiercampandt heKrugerNat ionalpark.

“Hejustcompletedhisst udi
esinPhar macy.”If
eel
sopr oudasIanswerher .Mybaby ’
sfatheri
s
actuall
yapharmacist.I’
m surehewi llnowreali
ze
thatevenifhi
sownpar entsdisownhi m hewil
lbe
abletotakecareofus.Mypl anisactuall
ytobond
withmybabyf oray earthenr et
urnbackt oschool
thefoll
owingyear.Asmuchast hethoughtofhavi
ng
anannyt
akecareofmychil
dfreaksmeoutbutI
needtof
ini
shschool
.Idon’
thaveanypl
anofbeing
ahousewif
eandsurvi
veonamanl ikemymother.

“
Doy
ouknowt
heGaf
ane’
s?”Iask

“
Thepast
or?
”

Aheavyrainofrel
i
efwashesovermyfaceasshe
say
sthis.Geral
dwasri
ghttheyarer
eall
ywell
known
her
e

“
Yes.That
’swher
eI’
m goi
ng.
”

“
It
’st
hathouseov
erthere.
”Shesay
spoi
nti
ngata
v
erybi
gstunni
nglooki
nghouse

Nowt
hisi
ssomet
hingGer
aldhasnev
ershar
edwi
th
me.Idi dn’ tknowhecomesf rom suchapl ace.it
l
ooksl i
keami nimal lri
ghtoni t
sown.Nextdoori s
somewhi tekidsplaying.Thecl oserIev ergottoa
whiteper sonwasmymot her’soldboy friend.I
rememberhowwehadgi v entheSeshogo
neighbor hoodaser iousspeechf orweeks.My
mot heri sbeaut i
fulextremel ybeautifulshel ooksli
ke
herpar ent screatedherf i
rstandgav eGodasampl e
ofhowt heywant edhert ol ookli
keandGodwor ked
accordingt othei
rinstruction.Sheknewshewas
beautiful andusedt ot hattoheradv antage.She
alway ssai deducationandwor kwasf oruglywomen
whowant edt omakeupf orl ackofbeaut y.She
woul dsayt hereiswoment hentherei s
Nomat hemba.Shet urnedheadsev erywher eshe
wentev eny oungmen’ strouserswi l
l growbi g
under neat hwhenshepassed.Shecoul dgetany
manshewant ed.

Ist
andoutsi
dethebigwal
lwithsomeshi nyst
ones
andametalseethr
oughgate.Ist
artshouti
ng“Koko.
Koko.
”
“Thereisanintercom.Youjustpressthatbutt
onand
theywillt
alktoy ou.
”Oneofthewhi t
ekidsplayi
ng
outsi
desay s.Igetsoembar r
assedbutf i
ndcomf or
t
i
nt hefactthattheydon’
tknowmeandourpat h
mightnev ercr
ossagain.

Ipr
esst
hebut
tonnonst
op

“Youj
ustpressitoncemam j
ustonce.
”thebl
onde
boyagai
n.ThistimeIsmil
eathi
m asawayofhidi
ng
myhumili
ation.

“Madzal
eni
?”Geral
dvoi
cecomesoutaccompani
ed
byshockandfear
Il
ookar
oundbutIcan’
tseehi
m.wher
eisheand
wher
edidheseeme?
“Madzal
eniwhatareyoudoi
ngher
e?”Hisvoi
ce
comesoutasawhi sperl
i
kehedoesn’
twantanyone
tohearhi
m speaki
ng.
“
G?Baby
?”Ineedt
obesur
eher
e
“
Whoisthat
?”i
t’
saf
emal
evoi
cecomi
ngf
rom t
he
i
nsi
de.
“It
hinki
t speopl
esell
ingstuf
fMa.I’mjustgoingt
o
gooutsideandcheck.I’
m goingtobuythefl
ouryou
askedfortoo.”Heanswersthefemalevoice
“
Alr
ightpapa.Hurryupokayrememberwestart
ing
wi
thourf asti
ngandpray
erservi
cet
onight
.”The
f
emalev oiceagai
n.
“
YesMa.
”

Withinami nuteIseehi m comi ng.Myhear tstar

ts
beatingsof astasheappr oaches.Ihadv owednev er
toseehi m againaft
erourl astencounter.Iwas
preparedtor ai
sethischil
dal lbymy selfbut
cir
cumst ancesforcedmet obecomeher e.Ihave
nowher etogo.Ican’tbeli
ev eIst i
ll
lovehimt hough
afterevery
thingthathashappenedbet weenus.I
j
ustmov edonbecauseIhat ef orci
ngmy selfon
someone.Mymot hertaughtmebet ter
.
Inanor malper f
ectwor ldonewoul dexpectahappy
facefullofsmi l
esappr oachi
nghert henthatbighug
and“ Ohmywor di sthi
sf orr
eal?Yourstomachi sso
big,babewear ereal
lyhav i
ngababy .”Thenbrushi
ng
andki ssi
ngoft hebel l
ybutnoi nmywor ldsuch
thingscanonl ybeawi sh.Heisfumingandl ooki
ng
atmel i
keIjustkil
ledhi smother.

“Whatar
eyoudoi
nghere?”Hesaysangri
lywhi
le
pul
li
ngmyhandpushi
ngmeaway .Hewi pest
he
sweatof
fhi
sfacewit
hhishand“Howthehelldi
d
youfi
ndme?Youneedtogetoutofherenow.”
“
Gyou’r
ehurt
ingme.Letgoofmyhand.
”Isayt
ryi
ng
t
obreakfr
eefrom hi
sti
ghtgr
ip

Acarst opsr
ighti nfrontofus.It’
sawhi t
eMer cedes
Benz.Iknowitv erywel lbecauseoneofmymot her’
s
boyfr
iendoncegoti tforher.Aladycomesout .She
i
swear ingpi
nkscr ubsImanaget oseea
stet
hoscopeont hepassengerseatbef oreshecould
cl
oset hedoor.Shest opsri
ghtbeforeusandI
managet
oseeDrMangenawr
it
tenonhert
op.

“Hel
loBabe.”Shegr eet
sGer
aldwit
habi gsmil
eon
herfacethenturnstomewithasmilebutnotabi
g
oneshehadwhenshewasgr eet
ingGerald.
“Dumelang.”Shegreetsme

“
Babe.”Hegiv
esheral
ongti
ghthugt
hatIsobadl
y
y
earnedfor
.“Howwaswork?
”

“Akgworkwasj ustwork.Hecti
casusual.
”She
answershim whil
etry
ingtohideherat
tenti
onis
actual
l
yonme.“ I
’
m heretodropthi
sformom.Is
shein?”Sheaskswhilewavingaplast
icful
lof
Tupperware’
s

“
Yeahshe’sin.Iwasj
ustgoi
ngtotheshopst
oget
f
lourforherpl
easewai
tforme.Thi
sladywasjust
l
ookingforwork.
”
“Ohokayshameman.Don’ tst
ressmuchabout
fi
ndingworkImeani nyourconditi
onyoureal
lydon’t
needanystressit
’snotgoodforthebabyatall.
Babewhydon’ ty
ougetacarr atherImeanyouwi l
l
saveall
thetimeforwalki
ngandshel ookstootir
ed
towalktoo.
”Shesay swhil
ehandi nghi
m hercar
keys

Thewor dtodescr
ibehowI ’
mf eeli
ngr i
ghtnowaf ter
hearingthathasn’
tbeendiscoveredy etbecauseI
j
ustcan’ tt
otal
lyexpl
aini
tatall.I
’m beyondbr oken.
Howdi dweendupher e?From you’rethewomanof
mydr eamsIhavefoundawi feinyouIr eal
lycan’t
waittomar ryyoutothi
sladywasj ustlookingfor
work?Iwi shIcanspeakupbuthi swor dsar e
l
odgi nginmyt hr
oatandI’
m struggli
ngt outter
anythingout
Itr
ytobenddownt opi
ckupmybl ackplasti
cbut
sheoff
erst
opickitupformei nsteadandopenst he
backdoorf
ormetogeti nsi
de.Iguessthat ’
sher
wayofsayi
ngI’
m notevenwor thytoseatint hefr
ont
.
Igeti
nsi
deandshet el
l
smet okeepwel l before
cl
osi
ngt hedoor.Iseetheri
ngonherf i
ngerasshe
cl
osesthedoor.Ilookatherandcan’thel
pbeli
tt
li
ng
mysel
f.Sheisnothingl
ikeIam atal
l.I’
m noti
nher
l
eague

“Isti
llcan’tbel
ievey oudidthat .
”That ’
sthefir
st
thi
nghesay saswear edri
v i
ngaway .He’
sstarri
ngat
met hrought herev i
ewmi rror .Iwashopi ngthefir
st
thi
ngt hatwi l
lcomeoutofhi smout hwasan
apologyf orwhatIj ustwit
nessed.Iwashopi nghe
willt
ellmehecanex plai
nev erythi
ngandwhatIsaw
i
sr eall
ynotwhati tseemsl ike.Att hispointIl
onged
forli
esbecauseIj ustcan’tcomei ntot er
mswi th
reali
ty

“WhoissheG? ”If
eel myt
earsbur
ningmyfaceasI
askt
his.I
’m happytheyar
ecomingoutbecauseI
’
m
hopi
ngtheywi l
lbr
ingouthi
sremorsef
ulsi
de.

“
That
’smyf
iancéeLet
ago.
Thewor dscameoutwit
hsomuchease.No
stutt
eri
ngnothi
ng.I
t’
sli
ketheywerealr
eadyonhi
s
tonguewhenhewasbor n.Theyj
ustcameout
natural
l
y.

Iwantt oaskmorequestionsbutI ’
m struggl
ing.The
painissodeepithasover t
akenev eryt
hinginme
i
ncludingmyspeech.AllIdoisj ustcryandthistime
I’
m notdoingi
ttowakeuphi sremor sef
ul si
de.I’
m
cryi
ngbecausethepainiswayt oodeep

“
YouneedtogetoutnowMadzal
eni
.”Hesay
swi
tha
v
eryannoy
edvoice

Iremov ethehandfrom myfaceandseesomany

Taxis.Wear eattheTaxir
ank.Idi
dn’tevenfeelt
he
carstoppingbecausethepai
nhadt akenmywhol e
body ,
mi ndandsoul.It
ryt
ospeakbutIst ruggl
eto
getanywor dstoescapemymout h.
“Idon’
thavealldayMadzal
eni
.Ihav
etopr
epar
efor
churchser
vice.
”

Thepai nofbeingcalledwi t
hy ourful
l nameby
someonewhohadat otalamnesi aaboutwhat ’syour
realnamewheny ouwer etogethershouldbeadded
onthemosthur tf
ul t
hingstogot hroughi nli
fe.It
makesy ournamesoundl i
keani nsultplusIalways
hadissueswi thmyname.Whi chGodi shegoingt o
praytoatchur ch?IfthisGodal l
owst hiskindof
behavior,thenI’
m goodwi thouthimi nmyl if
e.

“Idon’
thav
eany
wher
etogo.
”If
inal
l
ymanaget
o
speakout

Hedoesn’
tsayany
thi
ngall
hedoesi
smai
ntai
nthat
annoy
edlookonhi
sface

“MymotherchasedmeawayGer
ald.Ihav
enowher
e
el
setogo.”
Heletoutaf
atsi
ghbef
orebur
yinghisheadont
he
st
arri
ngwheel
.Hesi
tsl
iket
hatforsomet i
me

“Allofthesecoul dhav ebeingav oidedi fyoudid

whatIaskedy out odo.Youshoul dn’thav ekeptthat
pregnancyMadzal eni
.Itoldyouify oukeept hat
chil
dt henI ’m notget ti
nginvolved,you’reony our
ownbutnoy ouwentaheadandkepti t.Youwant ed
totrapmewi thpr egnancydamny ouMadzal eni.You
haver uinedy ourl i
feandI ’m notgoingt oletyou
dragmedownwi thy ou.Ihaveal i
fewi thLetagoand
I’
m goi ngt ostartmyi nt
ernshipnextweekand
assumet heroleofaJuni orpastoratchur ch.You
willnotr uinitformeMadzal eni.Youev enli
edtome
sayingy ou’reav irginwhileyouwer enotandI ’
m
starti
ngt or eall
ydoubti fthatchildisreallymine”He
mumbl essomet hingsIcannothearwhi l
estart
ing
thecar .

“
Stayr
ighti
nher
e.I
’
llbeback.
”
Hel ocksthecarl eav i
ngmeal l
al onei nside.Il ook
outsideandseeAf r
icanLill
yLodge.Wi t
hinmi nut es
he’sback.Hecommandsmet of oll
owhi m andIdo
astold.Ihav enev ersleptwithanyguyev erinmyl i
fe.
Gwasmyf irstbutaf t
erwehadsexhet oldmeIwas
nott i
ghtli
keav i
rgin.Whatpuzzl esmei sIal sodi dn’
t
feelanypai natall l
ikeitwasmyf i
rsttime.Ikepton
expect i
ngthepai nt ocomebuti tnev ercameup
untilwef i
nishedev erythi
ngbutIknowInev ersl ept
withanymanbesi deshi m butnot hingfeltf oreignin
mybodyi twasl i
keIhadgonet hrought his
experiencebef or
e.It hinkthat
’swhatt urnedhi m off
aboutmebecauseIwasj ustnotl i
keot hergi rls.

Undernormalci
rcumstancesIwouldhaveadmi r
ed
ther
oom butthi
sisnotnormal ci
rcumstances.
Ther
ei snoti
met oevenadmireanythi
ngbecause
ever
ythingl
ooksdull
.
“
Ihavet orushhome.youwil
lstayher
et oni
ghtbut
i
tsonlyfortoni
ghtMadzal
eniunti
lwefigureout
whatwear egoingt
odowi t
hthemessy ougot
your
selfint
o.”
-
--
--
Imusthavereall
ysleptbecauseIdi
dn’
thearhi
m
comingi
nside.Idon’tev
enknowhowImanaget o
sl
eepwitheveryt
hingthatIwasgoingt
hrough.

“Idon’thav emucht i
me.It oldthem I’
mt akingsome
churchmember sathomesoIneedt ogetback
homesoon. ”Hesay ssowhi l
epulli
ngachai rtoface
me.I ’
m st i
llly
ingont hebedbyt hesideofmy
tummy .“Youneedt oleaveMadzal eni.I
fyouhad
l
istenedt omewewoul dn’tbeinanyoft hismess.I
hadev erythingfiguredoutIev engav eyoumoneyt o
getridofi tIthoughty oudi dexactl
ythat.Imadei t
verycleart hatI’
m nothav inganychildthatifyou
decidet okeept hebabyt henyou’r
eony ourownso
youcan’ tdr agmei ntothismess. ”

“Haveyoueverl
ovedmeG? ”That’
saverywrong
questi
ontoaskbecausehi
sanswermightjustf
ini
sh
meof fbutt
henIneedtoknow.Ihadsomet i
met o
thi
nkandal
lmydeci
sionswi
l
lbedet
ermi
nedbyhi
s
answer

“Honestlyno.If eltsor ryforyouaf tery outol

dme
thestuffyouwentt hr oughathomey ouknowy our
mot hermi streati
ngy ou,showingy ourot hersibli
ngs
mor elovet hany ou.Thest uffshedi dt oyouwer eso
i
nhumanl ikenoonedeser vestogot hroughthatso
thatmademef eell
ikei t’
smydut yt otryandheal
yourscar sbutIdi di tthewr ongwaybyl eadi
ngy ou
on.Ishoul dhav ebr oughty oucl osert oGodt odo
thehealingt hant r
yingt opl aydeput yJesusmy self
.”

“
Sowhatyou’r
edoingt
omenowdoesn’titmakey
ou
i
nhuman?Areyouandmymothernoti
nthesame
l
eaguenow?”

“Don’
tev
endaretrytoguil
ttr
ipme.Igaveyou
moneytogetri
dofitbutyoudecidedt
okeepit.Me
andyouwerenevergoi
ngt oworkoutatal
l.Weare
bothf
rom di
ff
erentworl
ds.Yourmotheri
snothing
butawhorewhi l
emypar ent
sarer espectabl
epeople
Imeany oudon’tev enknowyourfatherMadzal eni
socomeonwear et ot
all
ydi
ffer
ent.Letagoismy
ty
peofawoman, she’safel
l
owPkandv ery
educatedj
usttheki ndofanidealdaughterinlawmy
parent
swishedf or.You’r
enotinmyl eague.”

Inevert
houghthecouldeveruset
hatagai
nstme.I
tol
dhimintotalconf
idence

“
Sowhatisthewayfor
ward?Idon’
thaveany
where
t
ogoandI’m noti
naposi
ti
ontogetajobtosuppor
t
t
hebaby
.”

“It
houghtaboutthat.Theonlysolut
ioni
stoputthe
babyupforadoption.Iwil
ltakecareofyouunt
ily
ou
giv
ebirt
hbutafterthatyou’
reony ourownmeand
wehavenev ermetbef or
e.”

“
I’
m notgi
vi
ngmybabyupf
oradopt
ionGer
ald
nev
er.
”

Westartarguing.Ourvoi
cesareget
tingsol
oud.I
canbarelyhearanythi
ngheissayi
ngal l
Imanaget
o
heari
s“ I
’
llrat
herdiethanhaveyouruinmyl
ife.
”

-
--
--
Iopenmyey esandI’
m welcomedbyabanging
headache.WhendidIsl
eep?Theonlyt
hingIrecal
lis
myar gumentwi
thGeral
d.Thescreami
ng,pushing
andall.

Itrytomakemywayt othebedroom becauseI’

m
feeli
ngsopr essedbutt hatbangingheadachesends
mest raightbacktothebed.Whatt i
meisitanyway ?
Icheckt hetimeonmyphoneandi tsexactl
ytenin
themor ning.Myey esfallonthedateshowingont he
phonei t’
sthe10t hofSeptemberwhenIar ri
vedher e
i
twast he8thofSept ember.HowcomeIdon’ tr
ecall
anyev entsthattookplacey est
erday?AndwhydidI
wakeupl i
kethisandt heroom looki
ngsomessy ?
WasIdr ugged?Ther eisnowayIcan’ trecal
lwhat
happenedy esterday.Myhear tstar
tspoundingso
fastIfeell
ikeit’
sgoi ngtori
poutmychestandf all
ont hefl
oor.Theur inethatIwast r
yingtoholdearl
ier
ont hr
eatenstocomeouti nfullfor
cef orci
ngmet o
rushinsidethebat hroom.

Iopenthedoorandnot hingImeanabsol utel

y
nothi
ngint hewor ldcouldhav eeverpreparedmef or
whatisstarringrightinmyf ace.Ihaveseent hi
s
scenebefor einmyl ifefewy ear
sbackwhenour
homewast ur nedintoacr imescene.Hei sl y
ingin
thebatht
ubexact lythesamewayIf oundmyl ate
stepf
ather.Whatt hehellishappeningher e?

….
.
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#2

Mywhol ebodyhasgonecompl etel

ynumbinasplit
ofseconds.Ifeell
ikeIjustgotashotfr
om an
anesthet
ist.It
rytomov ebutmylegsfailme.The
onlyacti
vepartinmybodyi smyey eswhichhave
beenstaringatGeral
d’sbodylyi
nginthebatht
ub.

Iwanttoscream f orhelpbutmyv oi
cei sst
ruggling
tocomeout .Hiswhol ebodyissoakedi nsi
det he
waterthati
snowdr i
ppingonthef l
oor .Onl
ythehead
whichissli
ghtlybendedt otherightisnotcov ered
i
nsidethewat er.Hisey esandmout har ewidely
opened.From wher eI ’
m st
andingit’
snotdi f
fi
cul tt
o
seethathe’snott aki
nganapi nsidet hebathtub
becausetheisnoev idenceofanybr eathi
ng.

AsI
’
mlooki
ngathi
m mymi
ndst
art
spl
ayi
ng
f
lashbacks.Ev
ery
thi
ngi
ssocl
ear

Iwokeupv erylatethatSaturdaymor ningwhi chwas

sounusual ofmebecauseInor mallywakeupv ery
earl
yt ostar tdoingmychor esear l
yjustt oprevent
mymot herf rom havingsomet hi
ngt omour nabout.I
panickedwhent heclockont hewal li
nformedme
thatitwas13: 00intheaf t
ernoon.“Ohcr apmymom
i
sgoi ngtohav eaf i
t”Isaidinal owv oiceasI
j
umpedoutofmybedr ushi
ngt othebat hroom to
peeandbr ushmyt eeththengetst artedwi t
hmyday .

AsIwasr ushingt
ot hebathroom Icoul
dfeelthat
I
’m notfeel
ingokay.Mybodywast ir
edli
keIwasi na
fi
ghtwithsomeonewhi chi
mmedi atel
yexpl
ained
whyIslepttil
lsol
ate.Itmustbefatigueandithas
gottodowi thmylackofenoughr est.

WhenIopenedt hebat
hroom doorIfoundmystep
fat
herly
inginsi
dethebatht
ubexactl
yt hesameway
Garet
hislyi
ng.Wholebodysoakedinsidethewat
er
wit
honl ytheheadoutandsl i
ghtl
ybendedtot he
ri
ght.Eyesandmouthwi delyopened.Itwasobv i
ous
malomeSel lowasnotsleeping.Iqui
cklycl
osedt he
doorjustli
keanynormal gi
rlwouldn’
tli
ketowi t
ness
anoldmannakedmor eespeci al
lyt
heoneplay i
nga
fat
herlyrol
einherl
if
e.

WhenIgoti nsidet heli

vi
ngroom IfoundFreedom
andLondekawat chingTvwhilesnackingona
packetofchips.Asal waysFreedom wastheonet o
respondwhenIgr eeted.

“Whereismom? ”IaskedwhenInot
icedshewasn’
t
aroundandhasn’tcometomakenoiseonwhyIwas
sti
llsl
eepi
ngti
l
lsol at
e.

“Mom sai
dshehassomet hingtotakecareofand
shewi
llbeback.Shesaidthataft
ertaki
ngav er
y
l
ongti
mei nsi
deourbathroom.”Freedom r
esponded
wit
hhiseyessti
ll
fix
edont heTv
“
Mom wasi
nsi
deourbat
hroom?Whatt
imewas
t
hat
?”

“Akgwef oundheri
nt here.Thedoorwaslockedand
sherefusedustoenter.Shetoldustogoanduse
herbedroom”Hepushedhi shandbackasawayof
dismi
ssinganyfurt
herquest i
ons.

“
Wasshewi
thmal
ome?
”

“No.Wehav
en’
tseenhi
mtoday
.Idon’
tthi
nkhe’
s
around.
”

“Jeeezwewat chi
ngTv.Cany oupleasest
op
dist
urbingus.Daah.
”Londekarespondedinher
snobbishvoice

IknewrightthenIhavetodropt
hiswhol
e
i
nvesti
gationnottoannoythepr
incessf
urt
her
becauseshewi llmakeupstuf
ftomom andI
’l
lbei
n
troubl
e.Atleastmom isnothomesoIcanst
artwi
th
thecleani
ngbef or
eshegetsback.

Awhol el otofquestionsf l
oodinsidemymi ndasI ’
m
busycl eaning.Whyi smal omeusi ngourbat hr
oom
whiletheyhav ethei
rownbat hroom i nsidetheir
bedroom?Whyshel ocksthebat hroom andst opt he
kidsfrom get ti
nginside?Wasmal omei nsi
dedur i
ng
thetimeshewasi nsidetoo?Ifhewasr est
ingwhy
werehi sey esandmout hwideopenedl i
kethat?Why
didn’
thecal loutmynamewhenIwal kedinonhi m?
orwasi tbecauseIwal kedouttooqui ck?Icontinue
withmycl eaningbutst i
l
lsomet hingjustdoesn’ tf
eel
ri
ght.

Fewhour sl
atermymot herwalksbackin.Shegives
met heeyeandwal ksstr
aightt
othebathroom Isee
hertaki
ngoutthekeyt r
yingtoopenbutgets
stunnedwhent hedooropensbeforeshecanturn
thekey.
“FREEDOM,LONDEKA?Whoopenedthi
sdoor
?
Didn’
tIt
ell
younott
ousethi
sbathr
oom?”

Iappr
oachasshe’
sshout
ingatt
hem.

“
Itwasy
ouwasn’
tit
?”

“Ifoundthedoorunl
ocked”IanswerasIcov ermy
facetoblocktheant
ici
patedhotclapbutinst ead
shegr absmyhandsroughlyl
eadingmei nsidet he
bedroom.

“Youwi l
lnottel
l anyoneaboutwhatyousawinther
e.
Arewecl ear?”Herv oi
ceisveryf
ir
m asshesaysthi
s.
“Doy ouunderstandme? ”Shebrushesmyhand
soothingthebruisesIgotwhensheheldmer oughl
y.
“Arewecl earbaby ?
”herhandhasnowmov edto
brushingmybal dhead.
Inevergrowhai rbecauseit
’sjusteasi
erli
kethi
s.I
grewasenseofi ndependencyatav er
yyoungage
whenIr eali
zedhowmuchmymot herhatesi
twhenI
askforstuff.Sotostophurtingmy sel
fandavoi
ding
hershoutingIwentf orbal
d.

Ilookatherhandbrushi
ngmyhead.Thef eeli
ngI ’
m
getti
ngissoforei
gntomybody .Mymot herhas
alwaysfai
leddismall
ytoshowanyaf f
ecti
ontowar ds
me.I’m abitj
umpyasshe’sbusymov ingherhand
onmyheadandi nst
ruct
ingmenott osayanything
toanyone.Inodmyheadi nagr
eementwi thher.I
j
ustwantherhandt ostopdoi
ngt hatt
omyhead.I ’m
usedtothehandgi v
ingmebeatingsnotdoingthat.

“
Notev
ent
hepol
i
ceok?
”

Thatlastinst
ruct
ionsendsmei
ntoatot
alfi
tandshe
noti
cesit.Poli
ce?Whyisshementi
oni
ngthepol
ice?
“
Madzal
eni
Ineedy
out
osayy
es.
”

“
Yes.
”Myv
oicei
str
ail
i
ngasIr
espond
Shebrushesmyshoulder
sandgiv
esmeapatatt
he
back.Thatpati
scommunicat
ingalotl
i
ke“
Yes
you’
resuchabiggir
l.
”

Aftersomef ewmi nutesIhearherscr eaming.Aloud

scream thathasthepot ent
ialt
ocont estforwaking
upt hedead.Herscream sendst hethreeofus
runningtothebathroom.Wef i
ndherkneel i
ngdown
ont hefl
oor.Herclothessoakedwet .She’sholdi
ng
mal ome’sshoulder
sl i
keshe’stryi
ngt opullhi
m out,
shakehi m or
….Ijustdon’tknowhowt oexplaint
his.
She’sjustdoingawhol elotofthi
ngsatonce.

“
Londekacal
lforhel
p.St
andatt
hestreetandshout
f
orpeopl
etocomei nher
e.Fr
eedom f
ollowhimtoo.
”

It
ryt
ofol
l
owt
hem andshepul
l
smebyt
hehand.
“
Youst
ayr
ighther
e.”

Li
keagoodchi l
dI ’
veal
way sbeen,Iobeyherand
stay.I
’mtooscaredtoaskwhati shappeningbutI
canseemal omeisnotbreathingormov i
nghisbody.
He’sjustl
yi
ngtheresti
l
l.I
’mt ooscaredtoaskwhat
i
shappening

Inashortper i
odoft i
methewhol ehousei scr
owded
wit
hpeople.Ihearsomemumbl ingsthat“He’
s
dead.
”andr ightatthatmomentmywhol eworl
d
comesscr ambl i
ngdown.Nooonotmysweet
malome.Hecan’ tbedead.allal
ongIthoughtmaybe
hehasfaintedorsomet hing.Deathno?

Whent hepoli
cear r
iveIseemymot herhanding
them alett
ert
ell
ingthem shef ounditl
yingonthe
fl
oor.She’sweepinglikeshe’
sont heauditi
onsfora
cryi
ngwi dowforsomeNi ger
ianmov i
e.
“
Iknewhehadf i
nanci
alpr
oblemsbutIt
houghthe
wascopyi
ng.Ij
ust….
”Shestruggl
estof
ini
shher
wordsasshegoesbacktothecryi
ngwi
dowact.

Beforewecoul
devenbur
ymalomeshehadalr
eady
foundcomfor
tint
hearmsoft
heinv
esti
gat
ion
offi
cerofmal
ome’
scase.
-
--
--
-

Theexcruciati
ngpainonmyabdomensendsme
str
aightbacktot hepresentworl
d.Ibendmylower
backwi t
hmyr i
ghtarm wrappedaroundmytummy
andtheot herarmleaningonthedoorframefor
support.

“Uuuuuuu”Iutterthatoutwhi l
etryi
ngtobr
eathin
andout.Istaylikethatforsomet imeunt
ilIf
eelabi
t
bett
er.Imov eclosertothebat ht
ubandmywor st
fear
sar econfi
rmed: Garethisdead.Imoveback
andcov ermymout hintotalshock.
“
I’
ll
rat
herdiethanhaveyouruinmyli
fe.
”Didhe
meanthosewords?JustasI’
m busythi
nkingIsee
myscarffl
oat
ingri
ghtinsi
detheful
lbat
htub.

I’
m aloverofscar
fs.That
’smyclot
hingobsessi
on
anditpainedmewhenoneofmyf avor
it
escarfsgot
stol
enrightaf
termalome’
sdeath.

Thatexcoriat
ingpaincomesbackagai nandt ot
all
y
shutt
ingmeoutf rom thecurr
entsituati
onI ’
m
deali
ngwith.Thist i
mei t
’sworse.Ifeelli
kesomeone
i
scut ti
ngmyi ntesti
neswi t
hrazorblades.Whati s
happeningtome?Il eanonthebasi ntryi
ngt obreat
h.
JustassoonasIf eelabitbetteragainIlookat
Gareth’
sbodyonemor eti
meanddeci det ocheck
foraheartbeatbutIcan’tfeelanythi
ng.

Ineedt ocall
forhel
panotherthoughtt
ellsmet o
runbecauseImightbeamur dersuspect.Iwil
lbe
accusedforabitt
erbabymammat hatcouldn’
tdeal
withrej
ecti
on.
Il
impbackt other oom t
ogr abmyblackplasti
c.
OnlythenasI ’
m pickingtheplast
icInoti
cethe
wholeroom isf ul
lofcigarett
esmellandthereisa
hal
f-f
ini
shedbot t
leofGor donsonthetabl
ewi t
htwo
gl
asses.Iinspectbot hglassesandyestheywer e
bothused.It’
sliket wopeoplewereinsi
dethisroom
havi
ngadr ink.

Howdi dtwopeopl eent erthi

sroom andal most
fi
nishthebottl
ewi thoutmehear ingat hing?That
explai
nswhyIcan’ trecallanyt
hing.Iwasdr ugged
andnowI ’m moret hanconv i
ncedthatGar ethdi
dn’t
kil
lhimself
.Hewaski ll
edjustli
kemyst epfatherwas
kil
l
edbymymot herandshehi dtheevidence.Ineed
togetoutofherebef or
eIgeti mpli
catedf or
somet hi
ngIdidn’tdo.
AsI’
m makingmywayoutoft heroom I
’
m metbyan
oldwomanhol di
ngabasketofl
aundr
y.Shelooks
l
ikeoneofthestuffher
e.WepasseachotherbutI
cansti
l
lfeelhereyesonme.
“
Excusemesesi
.”

Myhear tbeat
ssof
astbutItr
ysohar
dtoactcal
m.I
tur
nandputonasmi l
ehopingshewon’
tseehow
scaredIam.

“Iwasgoingtokeepqui t
ebutI’m amotheranditwil
l
bewr ongofmenott oadv i
seyou.Icoul
dn’thel
pbut
hearaNigeri
an’smal evoi
ceinsi
dethisroom whenI
waspassinglastnightand…”Shestammer salit
tl
e
“Nevermindforgetit
.I’
m sorr
ysesi.
”Shewal ks
awayv er
yfast

Thatwaswei rd.Veryweir
d.Thepai nhi
tsmeagai n
andIst
opf orasecondbuti tdoesn’
tgoawaysoI ’
m
j
ustgoi
ngt ohav etobebr aveanddealwithitwhenI
getout
sidethisplace.Ist
opwhenIspotsomeone
atther
eception.Ohnooot hi
scan’tbehappeni
ng

Thi
sisGar
eth’
sdoct
orgi
rl
fr
iend.Ihi
dbyt
hewal
l
andmakesur eshedoesn’tseeme.Iseehert
aki
ng
outmoneyoutfrom herpurseandgivi
ngi
ttothe
recept
ioni
stl
ady.Theyhaveabrieft
alkaf
tert
hat
shesmi l
esandwalksaway .
……
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#3(
Apologi
esforthedel
ay.Av
eryl
ongonet
omake
i
tupforthewait
)

Mybacki sagainstt hewallandI ’

mt ryi
ngsohardto
suppressthepainf rom escapingthroughmymout h.
I’
m keepingital
linsidebutit’
sget t
ingsohardnow.I
needtogetoutofher ebutI’mt ooscaredtopassby
therecepti
onjustincaset heladyst opsmeand
asksanyquest i
on.Idon’ tknowwhatshewasdoi ng
withGareth’
sGirl
friendbutI ’
m convincedi
thas
somet hi
ngtodowi thGarethdeath.

Imovemyheadandpeakt hroughtherecept
ion.I
seeherscr
ibbl
i
ngdownsomet hingwhilehol
dingthe
phone.I
mmediatel
yaf
terputti
ngthephonedown
sheopenssomedoorjustbehindherandgetsinsi
de.

Thi
sisnowornev
er.Idon’
tknowhowl
ongshe’
s
goingtot akei
nther
ebutIneedt
omov enowand
I’
m prettymuchsureGar
eth’
sGir
lf
ri
endisoutof
si
ghtt oo.

Igatherthel
it
tl
estr
engt
hIhaveinmeandwal
kso
fast
.Icouldrunbutt
hepainI
’
mf eel
i
ngi
smakingi
t
sohar dformetorun

Istar twalkingsl owlyonceI ’

m out sidet hegat e.I
don’ tev enknowwher eI’
m atorwher eI’
m goi ng.I
don’ tknowPhal abor waatal l.Thet owni snot
buzzi ngl i
kePol okwane.I nPol okwanet hereis
alway smov ement saroundt ownbei tpeopl e
wal kingar oundorsomanycar sint hest reet.Isee
theEdenSquesi gnandIr ecal litfrom y esterdaybut
thist i
meIdeci denott ogot hrought hemal l
.Ijustgo
downt hestreetandst opjustatt hemuni cipalit
y
building.Ican’ twal kanymor eI ’
mr eallystruggling.I
sitatt hebeaut i
full
ywell-
gr oomedgr assandt his
ti
meIcan’ tsuppr essmyv oiceany mor e.Ididn’t
meant oscream It houghtmyv oicewoul dn’tcome
outloudli
kethatbutIguessitwasl
oudenough
becausethesecuri
tyguardcomesrunni
ngfol
lowed
byanotherlady
.

“Sesibot
hat
a?”He’
saskingwhi
l
ebendi
ngdownwi
th
hishandonmyforehead

“
She’
spregnantcan’
tyousee?Sheneedstogett
o
t
hehospit
al.
”Shebendsdownandholdsmyhand
“
Justhanginther
ewewi l
lgety
ouhelpokay?”

Sheget supandstar
trunningaroundwit
hthe
securi
tyguy.Wit
hinsomef ewmi nut
esI’
m bei
ng
usheredtothebackseatofacarandt hel
adyis
si
tti
ngr i
ghtbesi
demehol dingmyhandand
encouragingmetoholdon.

“Susterj
ustmakesureshedoesn’
tdel
i
verinsi
demy
carplease.
”Thedriv
eroft
hecarsayswit
hhishead
turnedbacklooki
ngatus
“
Votsek.Justdr
ivethedamncarandconcent
rat
eon
t
heroad.Whyar eyoulooki
ngatt
heback?Areyou
t
ryi
ngtogetuski l
l
ed?”

“Idon’
twantanybl
oodinsi
demycar
.Makesur
eshe
doesn’
tgi
vebirt
hinher
e.”

“Fuckof
fman.DoIl ookli
keanur
set
oyou?
”She
shoutsr
ightbackathim

Hermout hsti
nksofal coholandwhenIl ookather
shelooksl i
keshehar dlyslept.Rightatthatmoment
ImissGer ald.Ihaven’thadanyt i
met othinkofhim
andthei nci
dentatt helodgebecauseoft hepai nI
’ve
beenf eel
ing.Iwishhewasher etoholdmyhandand
tel
lmeev er
y t
hingwi l
lbealri
ght.Nogi rldreamsof
goingt hr
ought hewhol epregnancyj ourneyalone
andI’m notanexcept ionfrom thosegi r
ls.Weal l
dream ofhav ingyourpartnerfrom yoursi desince
dayonewheny oudiscovery ou’repr
egnant .Him
j
umpi ngupanddownwi t
hexci tement,sendinghim
aroundtobuyst uffyoucrav efor,pl
anni ngthe
namest ogether,attendingthoseDoct orvisi
ts
together
,thepr egnancyphot oshoot sandf inall
ythat
momentwhent hebabyf i
nallymakest hegrand
entrancetothewor l
dandhe’ sstandingbyy oursi
de
holdingyourhandandencour agingy out opush
whileholdi
ngt hehandsot ight?Thisi sjustnothow
Iimaginedev erythi
ngandi thur t
sandnowi tshurts
sobadbecauset hefatherofmychi l
di sdead.

-
--
--
I’
m busypaci ngupanddowni nsidethelaborwar d.
WhenIar rivedher eIdi
dn’tthi nkIwasi nlabor.I
meanI ’m onl ysevenmont hspr egnant.Itookmy
cl
othesof fandst art
edpaci ngal laroundt heroom, I
moppedt hef loorwiththebl anketnowIf eelli
ke
pull
ingouthai rthatIdon’
tev enhav ewhenIf i
nall
y
seewat erdrippingonmyt highs.Icanf eel t
hebaby
comi ng.Ilieont hebedandshoutf orhel
p.Theot her
l
adiesi nsidet hewar dwit
hmecal l
thenur sesfor
helptelli
ngt hem thebabyi scomi ngIneedhel p
urgently.
“You’r
ecalli
ngusforthatstupi
dgirl
whodi dn’
tev
en
attendherantenat
alappointment
s?”Ihearoneof
them respondi
ng

“Ihopet hatpremat ur ebabyhasAi dssot hatshe

canknowt hei mpor tanceofgoi ngt otheclini
cwhen
you’r
epr egnant .Thatgi rlpissedmeof f.Shehas
createdext rawor kforus.Nowwehav etor un
aroundt akingbl oodsandal lakgsi smaan.Al lthey
knowi sjustt oopent heirlegsst upidgir
landev en
getintoxicatedwhi lepr egnant.”Anot herone
responds

Istar
tpushingasIfeel
theedgetopushget
ti
ng
str
onger.Ipushandpushwithev
erystr
engt
hinme.
Icanfeelthechi
ldmakingi
tswayout.

“
OhmyGodt heheadi
sout.
”Oneoft hel
adi
esi
nthe
war
dshouts“Nursepl
easehel
p.”Sheshout
smore
i
ntot
aldesperat
ion
“
Sowhat
?Wemustst opdri
nki
ngourcoff
ee?Isi
t
t
hepr
esi
dentheadcomingout
?Haisukavot
sek.
”

Ican’
tstoppushi
ngcostheedgei
sjustt
oomuch.
AsscaredasIam Ipush

“Whatthehel
lisgoingonhere?Howl onghasshe
beenli
kethi
s?”It
’samalev oi
cethatIcan’
tevensee
hi
sfacebutIcant el
lhe’
srushi
ngtome.

If
eelvoi
cesoft
heot
hert
wof
emal
enur
sesget
ti
ng
cl
oser
.

“Wewerenotcal
l
ed.Wet
oldhert
ocal
luswhenshe
needshel
p.”

I
’m hopi
ngt heotherl
adi
eswi l
ldefendmeandt el
l
themalegentlemanhowt heytri
edtocall
forhelp
butwereinsult
edbutnoneoft hem say
sanythi
ng.I
guessever
ybodyi
sscar
edofnur
sesatapubl
i
c
hospi
tal
.

Onel astpushandIhearacry.Toherandt
herestof
everyoneinherei
t’
sacr ybuttomeit’
ssomekindof
j
oy .AjoyI’
veneverexperi
encedbef
ore

“I
t’
sababygi r
l.Weneedt orushhert otheNicuward
becauseshe’
sapr emat
ure.I’
l
lgetbackt oyoulater
.
Youdidverywel l
heyandI ’
m sopr oudofy ou.”He
giv
esmeapatont hebackandbyt henIgeta
chancetohaveagoodl ookathim.He’ sav er
ytall
chubbyguyandhe’ swearingnavybl uepantswi t
ha
whitegol
fTshirtwithmaroonepilatesbuttonedoni t
.
Ii
mmedi at
elytellhe’
samal enurse.

FewhourslaterI
’m al
lcl
eanedupandjustl
yi
ngon
thebedanxiousl
ywaiti
ngtobetakent
omydaughter
.
Themalenur secomesbackagain
“Heymommy.Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
”Heaskswi
tha
smil
eonhi
sface

“
I’
m good.CanIseet
hebaby
?”

“Notsofast.Nowt ellmey ounglady

..whywer
ey ou
notatt
endingy ourcli
nicappoint
ments?Youcoul
d
haveputyourl i
fetogetherwit
hthebaby’si
ndanger
doyouknowt hat?”

“Ididn’
tknowIwassupposedt ogotothecli
nic.
Nobodyt oldmethat.Ij
ustt
houghtyouwaitforthe
dayy oufeelpai
nsandgostrai
ghttothehospit
al t
o
givebir
th.”

I’
m bei
nghonest .Ireal
l
ydi dn’tknowIhav etogot o
thecl
ini
c.Ijustthoughtyougot otheDoctortoknow
thesexofthebabyandt henwai ttil
lyougetpains
andthenrusht othehospital.Ididn’
thaveany
moneytogot othedoctorsoIj usttoldmy sel
fI’
ll
knowt
hesexoft
hebabywhenIdel
i
ver
.

“
Wher
eisy
ourmot
heroranyol
derr
elat
ives?
”
“
I’
m notcl
osewi
thmymot
her
.”

“I
sthatwhyyouhav
en’thadanyvi
sit
ors?Inot
iced
nobodycametoseeyoueversi
nceyougothere.”

Il
ookupandbl i
nkt
ryi
ngtostopthet
ear
sfrom
comingout
.Ithi
tsmethatIdon’
thav
eanyoneandI
don’
tevenhaveasetofcl
othesf
ormychil
d.What
ki
ndofamot herwi
ll
Ibe?

“I
t’
sokay.Comewi thme.”Hesay
sasheext
endshi
s
hand.Ij
oinourhandsandhepull
smeoutofthe
bedandwest ar
twal ki
ng

“Ihav
esomegoodnewsf oryou.YourHi
vresul
ts
camebacknegat
iveIj
ustgotyourlabr
esul
ts.
”
Inevereventhoughtoft
hatbef
orel
i
kei
twasn’
ta
botheratal
l.

“
Your
eadyt
oseey
ourl
i
ttl
epr
incess?
”

Inodandsmiledespi
tefeel
ingl
i
keIhaveal
ready
fai
ledherasamother.Ihav
enothi
ngtooff
erher

Sheisinsidetheincubatorandissoti
ny.Sheis
coveredwi t
hsomanyt ubesIcanhardl
yseeher
face.Iputmyhandsj ustbyt hesi
deoftheincubator
andlookather .IwishIcouldcarr
ywhatevershe’s
goingthroughonherbehal f.She’
ssoti
nyshe
doesn’tdeservetofeelanypain

“
Isshegoi
ngt
odi
e?”That
’st
hef
ir
stquest
ionIask

“
Ohnooo.Pl
easedon’
tev
ert
hinkaboutt
hat
.She’sa
l
i
ttl
efi
ght
erandshe’
sgoi
ngt
obeper f
ect
lyf
ine.
Premat urebabi esl
iveandbecomev erynor mal .She
wil
l bekepti nsidetheincubat orforfavor able
temper atureandmi nimizationofi nfecti
on.She’ s
goingt obef edusingthenasogast r
icfeedi ngtube
untilsuchat i
mewear esatisfiedwi t
ht hegr owt h
anddev el
opmentt hatguar anteest hehi gher
chancesf orthebabytocopewi t
ht heext ernal
environment .Thepediatri
cdoct orwi ll
bemoni tor
ing
thebabyondai l
ybasiswitht hehel pofspeci alists
nursesdeal ingwithinfantstomakesur enot hing
goeswr ong.”

Hestopstal
ki
ngandlooksatmetr
yingtomakesur
e
I
’mli
steni
ngandifhe’
ssoundi
ngconvi
ncing.

“
Isshegoi
ngt
ogetanymedi
cat
ion?
”

“Ohyes.Anti
bioti
cswi
llbeprescri
bedtoeradicate
anyform ofi
nfecti
onf
rom thebaby.Wewi ll
also
ensurethatt
hebabygetsenoughf l
uidsaccordingto
herbodyweightandoutputlev
elstoavoid
ov
erl
oadi
ng.
”

“SoI
’m nevergoi
ngtoholdherunt
ilshe’
snor
mal
?
Am Igoingtogetdi
schar
ged?”

“Noyouar egoingt ostayr i

ghthereatthehospi
tal
unti
lsheisfull
yfittogohome.t hi
sisapubli
c
hospit
alandwedon’ tdot hat.Onlyatpri
vat
e
hospit
altheydischarget hemot herandshecomes
ever
ydayt osuppl ythebabywi t
hmi l
k.Theydothat
tominimizemedi calaidscost sandobv i
ousl
yto
keepspacef orotherpr egnantladi
es.”

“Ohhh…”That’
sallImanagetosay.Iknownot
hing
aboutmedicalai
dsandpriv
atehospital
s

“Whenthegr owthissatisf
yingwewi l
lremov ethe
babyfr
om thei ncubat
orandi nt
roducekangar oo
mothercare.Thatisapr ocessthatwil
lincludeski
n
toski
nattachmentcar e.Thiswill
benefittheinf
ant
i
namostposi tiv
ewayi ncludi ngt hephy si ological
stabili
tyf orexampl etemper at ureandbl ood
pressur er egulat
ion,heartrat eandr espi ratory
stabili
ty.Itwillal
sohav eotherbenef it
ssuchas
i
mpr ovingi mmunesy stem, wei ghtgai nandbet t
er
sleep.Kangar oomot hercar ewi l
lbenef i
ty ouast he
mot hert oobecausey ouwi l
l hav egr eater
attachmentandbondi ng,sensi t
ivi
tyand
responsi venesst othei nfant, conf i
dencei n
i
mpr ovingcar eandt ransiti
oni ngt ohomeandbr east
mi l
kpr oduct i
onwhi chwi llhel pt osucceedi n
breastfeedi nganddecr easingt heriskofpost part
um
depressi on.”

Thewayheexplai
nseveryt
hingbr
ingsasmi l
etomy
face.He’
ssowonderf
ulandpati
ent.Iguessnur
sing
wasr eal
l
yacal
l
ingforhi
m.

“
Ihav
eanamef
orher
.Phodi
soShabangu.
”

Hegi
vesmeani
nqui
sit
ivel
ook.Iguessi
thasgott
o
dowi
tht
hef
actt
hatmysur
namei
sNdl
ozi

“Herfat
her
’ssur
namewasShabangu.Hedi
ed
befor
eshewasborn.
”

“
Died?
”Heasks

“
Actual
lykil
l
ed.Ki
l
ledbyhi
sgi
rl
fr
iendIt
hink.Wel
li
t’
s
alongstor
yIdon’
twantt
ogeti
nto.
”

“Icompletel
yunderstand.Mynamei sMeshackby
theway .Madzaleni
Ineedy outoknowthatyou’
re
notalone.I’
m herewheneveryouneedhelp.
”

Il
ookathi m andsmile.“Thanky ou.”OfcourseI’
m
notal
one.Iam wi t
hmyl itt
lePhodi so.Imightnot
haveanythi
ngbutr i
ghtnowIf eelri
cherthanPatri
ce
Motsepe.Phodisoismyev er
y t
hing.IneverknewI
coul
dev erl
ov el
ikethisbefore.Wear egoingto
makeit.Idon’tknowhowbutwewi l
lsurvi
ve.“Thank
youGeraldforgivi
ngmesuchabeaut i
fult
reasure.
”I
saydeepinside.Hemighthavesai
dhor ri
blethings
befor
ehedi edbutIdon’
thatehim atall
.Hehas
giv
enmesomet hi
ngsopreci
ous.

-
--
-

West ar t
edwi t
hkangar oomot hercar
eaf ewweeks
ago.Ial wayslookf orwardtohol di
ngherandIknow
shedoesdo.Sheal way ssmilesatme.Lol dolittl
e
babiesev ensmi le?Wel lmylit
tlePhodisodoessmi l
e.
Shehasgr ownsomuchandIcan’ tstopthanking
theLor dfortakinggoodcar eofher .Shehas
broughtmecl osertoGodov erthepastfewweeks.
I’
m alway sprayingt hathemakesawayf orust o
survi
v e.DidIment ionhowmuchshel ookslike
Gerald?Hewoul dhav ebeensopr oudandIknowhe
wouldhav el
ov edhersomuch.Ohgoshshe’ ssucha
l
itt
leangel onear th.
IseeMeshackwal
ki
ngov
ert
ous.Wehav
egr
ownso
muchcloseoverthepastfewweeks.Heget sme
toi
l
etri
esandheev engotPhodisost uff
.Idon’
tknow
howI’l
leverr
epayhim butonceev eryt
hingfal
l
sback
i
ntoplaceagainLordknowsI’m goingtocomeback
hereanddosomet hi
ngbigforhim.

“Lookatyouguys.Looki
nglovelyasal
ways.”He
alwayssayst
hateveryti
meheappr oachesus.“I
havesomegreatnewsf ort
het woofyou.The
Doctori
sreal
lyhappywithPhodiso’
sprogressand
saysyouguyscannowgohomeonThur sday"

Thursday?TodayisTuesday
.Wherewil
lwego?I’
ve
beendreadingtocal
lmymot herev
ersi
nceIhad
Phodiso.Ohnoothiscan’
tbehappeni
ngnotnow.

“
Andt
hel
ongf
ace?
”Heasks

“
Youknowmyst
ory
.Wehav
enowher
etogo.It
old
y
ou.
”
“BabesIthi
nkit’
stimey oucally
ourmot her
.I’
m sure
she’sworri
edsickaboutyouandt hismightbethe
ri
ghtconnecti
onfory ouguys.Thisbabywill
bri
ng
heali
nguntoherasmuchasshehasbr oughtso
muchheal i
ngony ou.Heretakemyphoneandcal l
hernow.”Hesay sashehandsmet hephone.

Myhandsar etrembli
ngasItaket hephone.Ihav
e
nochoicebutt ocal
lher
.Meshacki sri
ghtthi
smight
bewhatwillconnectus.Phodisowill
makeher
changehermi ndaboutever
ything

“Hell
oMa.I t
’smeMadzaleni.
”Isayaf t
erherhell
o
respond.Shedoesn’
tsayanything.Il
ookatthe
screenandwe’resti
l
lconnected.“Ma.Ihavegiven
birt
htoabeautif
ulbabygir
l.Hernamei sPhodiso.
”

Shelaughsaver
ysar
casti
call
ylaugh.“
Andl
etme
guessyouwantmetotakeinyoursel
fandy
our
bastardchi ldi
nmyhousene?Yesbast ardchil
d
akerethef atheri
sdead.het akesyoutosomef ancy
hotelandwakesupdeadi nsi
dethebathtubne?I
knowev erythi
ngaboutit
.NowIneedy outoli
stento
meandl istencaref
ull
yneIwantnot hi
ngt odowith
youandy ourbastardchi
ld.I’
m donewithyou
Madzal eni.You’r
edeadtomedoy ouhearme?
fol
lowy ourdeadbabydaddy .”

Thephonefal
lshardont
hefl
oorattheshockof
ever
ythi
ngshesaidtome.Meshackpi
cksitupf
rom
thef
loorandhugsme.

“Heyit’
sokay
.It
sfi
ne.Wewi
l
lfi
gur
esomet
hing
else.
”

HeassumesI ’minshockbecausemymother
doesn’
twantmebutI ’
m actual
lyi
nshockathowshe
foundoutaboutGaret
hgetti
ngkil
ledataf
ancy
l
odgeinsidethebat
htub.
“Looky
oucancomest aywithmeatt henurse’
s
homeunti
lwefigur
eoutsomet hi
ngelse.Ican’
tlet
youandPhodi
sostayinthestr
eet.You’
reverysmart
MadzIknowyouwi l
lgetsomethi
ng.”

“Thanky ousomuch.Ipromiseyouitwil
lonl
ybef or
ashortper i
odofti
me.IheardPhal
aborwahasso
manyl odgesandrest
aurant
s.I’
l
lgot oeachoneof
them andlookforsomethi
ng.Iwil
lpayyouforeach
andev erydayIst
ayedatyourpl
aceIpromiseyou.”

“
Youdon’
thavetowor
ryaboutt
hatplease.Ineed
y
outoconcent
rat
eonyouandPhodisofornow. ”

WehugasIthankGodforev
eryt
hingandaskf
or
f
orgi
venessf
oral
lthet
imeIdoubtedhi
m.
-
--
--
Laterdur
ingthedayI’
m exci
tedandt
alki
ngt
ooneof
theladi
esI’
vekindagr
ownclosetocoswestay
eda
bi
tlongert
ogethercar
ingf
orourbabi
esher
eat
Maphuthahospit
al.

“It
hinkhehasacr ushony ougir
l.All
thingsworkout
fort
hegoodt ot hem thatlov
estheLor dyouknow?
May beyoulosingy ourbabydaddywasawayf or
Godt oblessyouwi ththi
swonder f
ulman. ”

Ilaughather
.It
hinki
t’
sjustabr
other
lyl
ove.Idon’
t
thinkhe’
sint
omeatall.

“Speakofthedevil
.”Shewhi spersasMeshack
walksinwithacertai
nlady.Ohnoi t
sGer al
ddoctor
gir
lf
riend.t
heyaretal
kingandl aughingoutloudas
myhear tstar
tsbeati
ngsof astthreateni
ngtocome
outofmychest

“
Areyoureall
ysur
eyou’
rer
eadyt
ost
artwor
k?”
Meshackasks
“
YesI’m sur
e.LookI’
m sur
e.Worki
sjustwhatIneed
r
ightnow.sit
ti
ngathomedoingnot
hingstr
essesme
more.Ineedtokeepbusy.
”

“
Let
agoI
’
m sosor
ryf
ory
ourl
ossagai
nDoc.
”

“Ist
il
lcan’
tbel
i
evehe’
sgoneandworsehedi
ed
whenIwassomadathi m.Al
ri
ghtwher
edowe
star
t?”

“I
’
m sorryagai
nDoc.How’
sthepol
i
cei
nvest
igat
ion
going?
”

“
Idon’
twanttotal
kmuchaboutitnow.Pl
easegi
ve
methepat
ient
shistor
yIneedt
ogetstart
edwit
h
wor
k.”

“
Ohthesetwoareper
fect
lyf
ine.Act
ual
l
yMadzal
eni
i
sget
tingdi
schar
gedtomorr
ow.”Hesayswi
thabig
smi
l
e

Let
agol
ooksatmef
orav
eryl
ongt
imel
i
keshej
ust
sawaghost
.

“Iknowy ou.YesIknowy ou.Yesit

’syou.You’r
ethe
l
adymyl atehusbandtobegav eali
fttotheother
dayohy esi t
’syou.
”Shesay swhi
lepoint
ingatme.
sheturnsandl ooksatMeshackint ot
alshock“Is
thi
st heladyyouwer et
ell
ingmeaboutall t
hetime
wespokeov erthephone?Theoney ouwant edto
takeinifthi
ngsf ai
l
swiththemother?”

Meshackj
ustl
ooksatherst
unned.Ial
sot
ryt
oact
sur
pri
sed

“Whathappenedt
oGer
aldwhenhedr
oppedy
ou
off
?”
“DocIthinkyoust
il
lneedt
ogohomeandrest.I
don’
tthinkyou’
rer
eadytowor
kasofyetpl
ease.
”

“
Talkt
omedamny ou.
”Shesay
swhi
l
eshaki
ngme
wi
thsomuchf
orce.“
Talkt
ome.”

“Docpleaseyouneedtol
eav
eheral
one.You’
re
harassi
ngthepati
ent
.”

Withi
nafewminut
esthewar
disf
ull
wit
hthe
hospi
tal
stuf
fandpat
ient
s

“
Doctorpl
easel
eav
ethepati
entalone.
”Anot
her
mal
edoctorsay
swhil
etr
yingtoremoveheraway
f
rom me.

Agr
oupofdoct
orst
akesheraway
“MeshackIwi
ll
showy out
hatI
’m noti
magi
ning
thi
ngsyoushal
lsee.
”She’
sbusyshout
ingt
haton
herwayout

“
Doy
ouknowher
?”Heasks

“
Ineedtol
eave.I
sitnotpossi
blet
oleav
etoday
?”
I
’
m shaki
ngandscared

“Why ?BecauseofDoct orLetago?She’snotharmful

.
Shelostherfiancée.Theywer esupposedtoget
marriedthi
smont h.She’sjusttr
y i
ngtodealwit
hthe
death.I’
m suretheywillsendherhomef orsome
days.Comeony oucan’tbescar edofher.
”

Iwi shIcouldt el
lhim whyI’m scar
edofher .Isaw
thisladypay i
ngt herecepti
onistandIfoundt wo
glassesandahal ffi
nishedGi nintheroom.People
enteredt heroom andki l
ledGarethandt heblood
resultsrevealedthatIwashi ghlyi
ntoxicat
ed.SoI’
m
notactingupf orthinkingthisladywasi nsi
det he
room.Shepr obablyt rackedthecarsi nceGer al
dwas
usinghercarandf oundus.Sheki ll
edGeraldoutof
rageandgav emesomet hi
ngt oknockmeoutI
meanshe’ sadoct oraf terall
.Shewascomi ngback
tofini
shmeof fandIsur vi
vedbecauseIwokeup
beforeshecoul dgett herebutt henthereismy
mot her
.Idecidenott oent ertai
nt heconversati
onwe
hadear l
ier
.

“
Getmeoutofhereplease.I
’
m notsaf
eher
e.I
’
llt
ell
y
ouever
ythi
ngl
ater.
”

“
Okay
.LetmeseewhatIcando.
”
-
--
--
Meshack: Ispokewiththedoct
or .Hesaysyoucan
l
eav etomor r
owmor ningbutI
’l
larrangef
oryour
dischargepaperstoni
ghtandI’
llcomeandf etchyou
tonight
.Ijustdi
scoveredsomethingandwer eall
y
haveal ottotal
kaboutMadzaleni andImeanal ot.
That’
sansmscomingfrom Meshack.Ihopeshe
hasn’
tpoi
sonedhi
m aboutme.

Me:
Wher
eisLet
ago?
Meshack:Backhome.Shewon’
tbecomi ngtowork
anyt
imesoon.Seeyoutoni
ght
.Ihopeyouwillbe
honestwit
hmewhenIasky outhi
ngsIjust
di
scovered
Me:
I’
ll
behonestaboutev
ery
thi
ng.

Iwaitforanothersmsbuthedoesn’tsendanyt
hing
back.Iputthephoneundert hepi
l
lowandwaittryi
ng
togetsomer estbutit’
ssohardtocatchanysl
eep.
I’
m str
essedv eryst
ressed.
-
--
--
-
“Madzal
eni
wakeup.
”Ihearav
oicecal
l
ingmebuti
t
soundssofar

It
urnmybackt
ocont
inuewi
thmysl
eepunt
ilIf
eel
col
dwat
erbeenspl
ashedal
lov
erme

“Youthi
nkthi
sisyourmother’
spl
ace?whodoy ou
expecttol
ookaft
eryourchi
ldwhi
leyou’
resl
eeping
solate?
”

Il
ookupandi
t’
stherudesist
eroneoft
hoset
hat
wereher
ewhenIwasgivi
ngbirt
h.

“Yout
hinkI
’
my ourlov
erMeshack?Idon’
thaveti
me
topamperyounna.Wher
eisMeshackbytheway ?
Heknowswear eshor
tst
uff
edbuthedecidesto
cometoworklat
e?Nxauselessl
ikehi
sgir
lf
ri
end.”

Wher eisMeshack?Iwai t
edforhimt ocomeand
fet
chmel astnightbuthenev ercame.Hisphone
j
ustr angunanswer eduntilIf
ellasl
eep.Thisi
sso
unl
ikehim?Ist artpanicki
ngatt hethoughtofLet
ago
fi
ndingmeher e.
Anot
hernur
secomesr
unni
ng

“SisterMavissi
sterMavis.Youwon’tbeli
ev ethi
sbut
par amedi
cswer ecal
ledtor ushovertoMeshack’s
place.Theysayhedr ownedi nsi
dethebathtub.Ij
ust
gotacal lf
rom oneofthecleanerstheretheysay
he’sdeadshehear doneoft heparamedicst al
ki
ng.”
……
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#4

Ican’
tstopcryi
ng.ThetearsI’
vecri
edsinceIhear d
ofMeshack’sdeathcanbeusedt ocreateaman’ s
madedam.I t’
shardtodealwithhisdeath.Hewas
oneofthesweetestpeopleI’
veevermet.Itfeltli
ke
wekneweachot herfor
ever.Hewasabl etot ell
whenI’
m atmyl owestbeforeIcouldsayanyt hi
ng
andhealwayshadt heri
ghtwordst osaytocheer
meup.

Thewayhedi edsendschi l
l
sallovermybody .Ikeep
onsay i
ngtomy sel
fitmustbesomeki ndofa
coinci
dence.Whydoesev eryguyclosetomedi e?I
don’tr
eall
yhav ethef ulldet
ail
saboutMeshackbut
hewasf ounddeadi nsi deabathtubjustli
keMalome
Sell
oandGer ald.Wi l
l t
hiskeeponhappeni ngto
everyguyItrytogetcl oseto?Imusthav esome
ki
ndofadar kcl oudfollowingmecosi tjustdoesn’t
makesensewhyev
eryguyIgetcl
oset
odi
e.

Thisisnowl i
keapuzzl e.Ev eryti
meIt hinkI’
vegot
thi
spuzzl eal lfi
gur edoutbuthai .Wi t
hMal omeIwas
convincedmymot herhadsomet hingt odowi thi t
.
MalomeSel lolov edmeheusedt ogetmesomany
thi
ngs.Hewoul dhel pmewi thmyschool work,take
meoutt otownf orani cemeal andt r
eat edmel ike
hisowndaught er.Mymot herhat edt hatbecause
sheal wayssai dI ’
m notwor thyofanyki ndofl ove.
Shesai dIwasacur se.Idon’ tknowi fithadt odo
withthef actthatt hingsnev erwor kedoutbet ween
herandmyf atherorwhatcossher eallyhatedhi m
andwoul dconst ant l
yt el
l meI ’
mj ustawast eofai r
l
ikemyf ather.Shewoul dflipever ytimeshef ound
malomewi t
hmei nsidethebedr oom andshewoul d
destroyev eryt
hi nghegotf orme.It hinksheki ll
ed
him becauseshecoul dn’tstandseensomeone
l
ov i
ngmebet ter.

Wi
thGer
aldIt
houghti
twaspur
epassi
onki
l
li
ng.
Letagofoundoutaboutusandkill
edhimi ntotal
ragebutthenwhenmymot hermenti
onedGer ald
dyingIgotsoconfused.I
’v
enevertol
dherwhoi s
thefat
herofmybabyandwher ehestays.Shedidn’
t
evenknowwher eI’
m goingbuthowdidshef indout
?

ThenMeshack?Ionl yknewhi mf orashor tperiodof

ti
mebutIcanv ouchandsayt heguydi dn’thaveany
enemiesatal l.Hewasahappysoul sothatthrows
anysuspectIdon’ tknowoutoft heequat ion.The
onlysuspectIknowi smymot herandLet agobut
thenhowdi dmymot herknowaboutMeshack?She
hasnev ervisi
tedmeatt hehospi t
al soshecan’ t
knowwhoI ’vebeencl oseto.Howwoul dsheev en
knowwher eMeshackst ays?ButLet agosheknows
whereMeshackst aysandshewasshout ing“I’
ll
showy ouMeshack”whent heywer epull
ingherout .
Whatdi dshemeanbyt hat?Sheal soment i
oned
somethingl i
ke“ I
st hi
stheladyy ouwer etell
ingme
aboutov erthephonesay i
ngt haty ouwantt otake
herinifthi
ngsdon’ tworkoutwi tht hemom? ”whatif
shegotmadt hatImanagedt of i
ndanot herman
afterGeral
dcheatedonherwithmeanddeci ded
thatsinceshenevergotherhappyendi
ngshewi l
l
makesur eIdon’tgetmyhappyendingtoo?

OkayI’
m nowmor ethanconv incedLetagoisbehind
Geral
dandMeshack’ spassi ngbutMal omeSel l
o?I
di
dn’tevenknowGer al
dsot hatcompl et
elythr
ows
heroutoftheequationf orthisone.Damnwi ll
Iever
fi
gurethisoneout?IfLet agodi ditwhywoul dshe
usethesamemet hodasmymot her?Unlessif
Geral
donceshar edwi t
hherwhatIt ol
dhim about
MalomeSel l
obutnahhewascheat ingonherwi th
mesot hereisnowayhecoul dhav ediscussedthat
wit
hher .Wil
lthi
smi seryev ergetsolved?

“Madzal
eniby
egirl
.Youmustgiv
emey
ournumber
s
sothatwecankeepintouch.
”

It
’stheladyweshar
edawardtogether
.Hermother
andt heboyf
ri
endar
eheret
ofetchher.Themom is
carr
y i
ngthebabywhi
let
heboyfr
iendiscar
ryi
ngher
bags.

I’
m supposedt obeoutofher ebutIhav enoidea
whereI’
m goi ng.Isoenv yhershehasahomet ogo
towithherchi l
d.onet hingIknowI’m notgoingback
tomymot her’
spl ace.Idon’twanttofindPhodiso
drownedinsidet hebat htubandonet hingIknowI
needtoleav ePhal aborwa.Thisisaverysmal lt
own
andifLetagoi sreallyouttogetmei twi l
lbevery
easyforhert ogetme.

Webr
eakt
hehugandsheget
sreadyt
ogo.

“Leshal
ebotsesesit
ogetherl
esesi
nyanaaker
e.”
Thelady’smom say
swi thasmil
eonherfacebutit
’s
mor eli
keafor
cedsmi l
e

“
Lesepel
egabot
semma.
Shehandsthebagstoherdaught
erandgetscloser
tome.Shesignal
sthem t
ogiveussomepr i
vacyand
theybot
hgetoutleav
ingthet
woofust oget
her

“
Ker
ekel
eyat
senasesi
?”Sheasks

“
NoIdon’
tgot
oanychur
ch.
”

“Ther
eisaver
ydarkcloudfol
lowi
ngyouandyou
needsomeseri
ouscleansi
ng.WhoisMati
ldaand
howissheconnect
edwi t
hyou?”

Ithi
nkhardveryhard.Ieventhinkfr
om myearl
y
chil
dhoodmemor iesbutIcan’trememberany
Matil
dainfactIdon’tknowanyMat il
da.
“
Idon’
tknowanyMat
il
da.
”

“Thinkcaref
ull
ybecausethi
sladyisbehi
ndthedark
cloudfoll
owingyou.Youneedhelpsesiandver
yfast
orel
sethi
sdar
kcloudwil
lkeeponfal
l
owi
ngy
ou.Do
youhav
eanyrel
ati
vesi
nNi ger
ia?
”

Okaythiswomani sreal
lycr eepingmeoutnow.I f
shedidn’tment i
onadar kcl oudf oll
owingmeIwoul d
havethoughtherpr opheciesar enotdi rectedt ome
cosIdon’ tknowanyoft hepeopl eshe’st alki
ng
about.Mymot her’
snamei sNomat hembaandher
Engli
shnamei sOlgaunlessi fshewascal l
ed
Matil
dawhi l
egrowingupbuthowdi dIwr ongher
nna?Theonl ywrongIevermadewast obeher
daughterthat’sal
l.r
elat
ivesi nNi geri
a?Ar etsimaybe
Ido.I’
m namedMadzal eni af t
erallmay beit ’
soneof
myancest or
slivi
nginNiger ia.

“
Nott
hatIknowof
.”

“Okay.Youneedsomeser iousdeliv
eranceandver
y
fasttostopthi
sdarkcloudfrom fol
lowingyou
around.Leshal
egabotsesesi.”Shegetsupand
l
eav es.
Hai nowhatisgoingonhere?Ial way
sf indprophets
confusingandIreal
lydon’
tli
ket hem.OkayIneedt o
stopt hi
nki
ngaboutthi
swholet hingtoomuch
otherwiseI
’l
lgocrazyaft
erallIhavev erybi
gger
problemstodeal wi
thli
kefi
gureoutapl acewear e
goingt ost
ayatwhenwegetoutofher e.
-
--
--
I
’m car
ryi
ngPhodi
soandont heotherhandcarryi
ng
aplast
icwit
hmyclot
hesandst uffthatMeshackgot
f
orher.Thecoupl
eofcl
otheswi l
lreall
yhel
pal ot
.

I’
m dressedupbutIf eelsonakedasI ’m passingall
thesepeoplesit
tinghere.Ifeell
ikeeverybodycan
seewhatI ’
m goingthrough.Ifeell
iketheycanseeI
don’tevenhaveapl acecall
edhomebutf ort
hesake
ofthisgir
lI’
m carryi
ngI’
llholdmyheaduphi gh.
Thereisnot i
met oacceptanyinvitef
orpi t
ypar t
ies.
I’
m waypassedt hatstagenow.Ineedt obest rong
formygi r
l

AsI
’
m passi
ngt
hrought
her
ecept
ionmaki
ngmy
wayoutIbumpi ntosomewomanwhol ooksli
kea
Chri
stmastree.She’sv
erybi
gbutshe’
sr ocki
nga
hi
ghwaistj
eanwi thacroptop.Letmenotget
st
artedontheheav ymakeup

“
I’
m sosor
ry.I’
minahurr
yandwasnotl
ooki
ng
wher
eI’
m going.
”Shesay
sinaver
yapol
oget
icvoi
ce

“
Noi
tsf
iner
eal
l
y.”

“Waitaminute.Iknowy oumaan.”Shesayswhi l
e
i
nspecti
ngmyf aceIguesstr
yingtorecal
lwhereshe
knowsmef rom.“Yesi t
’syou.You’
rethethatgirl
whowasmoer edbylabourpainsatthemunicipal
ity
ne?”

Il
aughshyl
y.Isi
tsoeasyforpeopl
etorecogni
seme?
Let
agodidthesametoo.Thi
sisscary
.
“
Yesi
tsme.
”

“Wherei
sthebaby
?Ohmywor
dist
hatheratt
he
back?
”

Shedoesn’
tevenwai
tformetor
espond.Shehas
al
readymovedtomybackandpeaki
ngatPhodiso

“Ncooshe’ssocuteIfeel
li
keeatingheral
lup.You
takegoodcareofthi
sbeauti
fulangel
.Seey ou
aroundifwegettomeetagain.
”

Iwat
chherwal
ki
ngawaybutt
hendeci
deshemi
ght
beabl
etohel
pme

“
ExcusemeMa.
”Ishoutout

Shet
urnsandl
ooksatme.
“Doy ouknowanypl acehir
ing?Any t
hingI
’m not
choosyatal l
.Icanevendol aundr
yandcleany ar
ds.
”
Icanseeshel ooksabitshocked.“Wegot
dischargedtodayandwehav enoplacetostay.I
needt ofindajobsothatIcanaf f
ordaplaceandour
basicneeds.”

I’
m act
ual
lyt
ryi
ngtorai
seenoughmoneytogetout
oft
hispl
acebutofcour
seIcan’
ttel
lhert
hat

“Di
dyousayany
thi
ng?
”Shel
ooksmor
eint
erest
ed
assheaskst
hat

“
Yesanyt
hing.
”Desper
ati
oni
snothi
dingf
rom my
v
oiceasIr
espond

“
Whataboutyourchi
ld?She’
sst
il
lver
ysmall
who
wi
ll
lookaf
terherwhenyou’r
egoi
ngtowork?”
Inev
erev
ent
houghtaboutt
hat
.

“
Imi
ghtbeabletohel
pyou.Yousai
dyou’
rewi
l
li
ng
t
odoanyt
hingne?”

“
Yesany
thi
ng.
”Ir
espond

“
you’
recomi
ngwi
thme.mynamei
sAusi
Mol
l
yby
t
heway.”

“
Madzal
eni
.”

Shemakesf
unofmynameandwebot
hlaughabout
i
t.

“YournameisChant
elst
art
ingfr
om t
odayokay
?We
needav er
ycat
chynameforyou.”
Il
aughandsitbythebenchesandwai tf
orhert
o
fi
nishev
ery
thing.Shel
eadsmet owardsthepar
king
andwegetinsideherToyot
aFortuner
.

“Tell
memor
eabouty
our
sel
f.Howdi
dyouendup
here?”

Itell
herIcameher etolookf orthefatherofmy
chil
dwhowor ksatt hemi nesbuthechasedme
away .Ifurthergoont otel lhermymot herisdead
andmyauntchasedmeawaybecauseoft he
pregnancy .I’
mr eall
ynotaboutt obehonestIdon’t
wantt oputmy selfindanger .ThereisnowayIcan
beassoci atedwi thGerald,MeshackandMal ome
untilIknowwhoki l
l
edthem.whi leI’
m busytal
king
thenewsr eporterstar
tst alki
ng.Sheincreasest
he
volumeandi nstructsmet okeepquite

“Ineedtol
ist
ent
othi
sone.Thi
siscur
rent
lyt
het
alk
ofthetownnow.
”
Ij
usti
gnor
eherasIconcent
rat
eonbr
east
feedi
ng
Phodi
so

“Todayint hestudi
owear ej oinedbydet ectiveJuli
a
Mpai,thanky ousomuchf orjoiningusdet ectiv
e.
Fewmont hsbackourt ownwasi nabuzzwi ththe
deathofthesonoft hefamouspast orGaf aneand
fewmont hsdownt heli
net het owni sinabuzz
againovert hedeat
hofamal enur seatMaphut ha
hospit
al.Doy outhinkwehav easer ialki
l
leront he
runorthisisjustpurecoincidence? ”thereporter
asks

Inearl
ychokedonmysal i
vawhenl ist
eningtot
hat.I
can’
tbeli
evethi
shasturnedint
opubl i
cinter
est
.Now
i
tmakessensehowmymot herfoundoutbutitst
il
l
doesn’
tmakesensehowsheknewGer aldwasthe
fat
herofmychildandthatIwaspr esentwhenhe
waskill
ed.

“
Fir
stIwoul
dli
ket
osayhi
toy
ouandy
ourl
i
stener
s
andext endmygr at
itudef orhavingmeont heshow.
Wel l
investi
gationsar estil
lgoingunder wayandat
thi
spoi ntIreall
ycan’tsaymuch.Wehav e
establi
shedt hattheki l
l
ingsareal lsamepat terns.
Bothwer edr ownedi nsideabat htubandwer e
str
angledbef oredyingsowedef iantl
ybelievet his
wasnotsui ci
debutl i
keIsai dinvestigati
onsar esti
ll
goingunder wayandatt hispointweur geev erymal e
tobecar efulsinceitlooksliketheyar etarget s.
”

“Shocki
ngstuf
fdet
ect
ive.Howwerethey
str
angled?
”Thenewsreport
erasks

“Wef oundascar fi
nsidethebat ht ubofbothv i
cti
ms
andwehav eest abli
shedthatasi mi l
ardeathtook
placeatPol okwanet ownt hreey earsagoal t
hough
noscar fwasf oundbutt hev icti
m wasst rangl
ed
beforebeingdr ownedt odeat h.Anot heri
ncident
tookplaceatMpumal angaabout10y ear
sback.
Unfortunately
, Icannotr ev
eal t
henamesoft he
vict
imsasi nv estigati
onsar est i
llgoingunderway.”
“
Doy
oubel
i
evet
heser
ial
kil
l
eri
samal
eorf
emal
e?”

“
Unf
ort
unat
elyIcannotcommentr
egar
dingt
hat
.”

Mymot herandIst ayedinMpumal angabefore

mov i
ngt oPolokwane.Mybodygoesi nt
oaninstant
fi
t.I’
m nowmor et hanconvincedthisisnotsome
ki
ndofacoi ncidence.Ineedt ofi
ndoutaboutt he
Mpumal angai ncidentandifIam connect edt
ot he
persont hatdi
edi nanykindofway .

“Haitheymustar r
estt
hispsychopat
hhaibowe
cannotliveourli
vesi
nfearbutitl
ooksli
ketheguy
onlytargetsman.Okayhoneywear ehome.”Ausi
Mollysay swhil
eopeni
ngthedoor

Ijustsi
tsti
lli
nt hecartr
yingt
opr ocessev ery
thing.I
trytoactcalm nottogethersuspiciousofany t
hing
andIhav etosaynot hi
ngcouldhav epr eparedme
forwhatI’m wi
tnessingasweent ert hehouse.I ’
m
j
ustdr
owni
ngi
nshockt
oday
.
….
.
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#5

Diff
er entlightsarebl i
nking,softmusi cisplayi
ng,
couchsetoutont hecor nersofthebi gspacious
room, barchairsjustnextt othecount erandbehind
i
sdi fferentbot t
lesofal coholont hestandandabi g
fri
dgewi thalcohol t
oo.Sof tmusici splayi
ngand
therei sagr oupofl adiesrunningupanddown.
Somear erunningupst air
s.Somear ehalfnaked
holdingt rayswithal cohol

From theoutsi
dethi
splacel
ookedlikeabeautiful
doublestor
eyhousebutnowit’
sev i
dentthereisa
wholelotofthi
ngsgoingonhere.Thisisacluband
notj
ustanor di
narycl
ubbutoneoft hosethatyou
seeinmov i
es.
Itur
nt ol
ookatAusi Moll
y,shei
scar
ryi
ngPhodiso.
Shelookspeacef
ull
ysleepi
ng.If
eell
i
kegrabbi
ngher
andrun.Nowi tallmakessensewhyshedi dn’
t
hesi
tatetotakemei nwhenIt ol
dherIneedaj ob
andshekeptonr epeatingthewor d“Youcando
anyt
hing?”.WhydoIal way sattr
actbadwomeni n
mylif
e?Sheandmymot herarecutfrom thesame
cl
oth.Sheshouldhav ebeenhonestwi t
hmeandl et
memakeadeci si
on.Iturnt olookbackandt hereis
nowayy oucangetoutofher e.Sheenteredusing
somepasswor d.

Shesignalsoneoftheladiest ostopplayingthe
musicwhilesett
li
ngont hecouchst i
llholdi
ng
Phodisoinherarms.Sher ealizesI’
m sti
llstandi
ng
andgivesmeaney ethatsay scomeandsi tthefuck
down.Iquickl
yrushandsi tjustnexttoher .Itr
yto
takePhodisoawayf r
om herandshegi v
esmet hat
eyeagain
“She’ssleeping.Ijustwant
edy outorest
.”Idefend
my selff
rom t hateye.Thi
swomandoesn’ thavet o
saymuchj ustonel ookandyou’r
eshaking.She’s
total
lydiff
erentf r
om thatj
oll
ypersonImetout si
de
“Wherei
sVanessa?Ineedhert
otakei
nanewgi
rl
andshowheraound”

Ohhel
lnoshebet
terbenott
alki
ngaboutme

“Shecall
edandsai
dshewi l
l berunni
ngabi
tlat
e.
Shehadameet i
ngwithaclientbutshe’
sonthe
way.”Somewhitegi
rlanswers

“Whyisshetaki
ngcl
i
ent
swhi
l
esheknowsI
promotedher?
”

Theyal
lshr
ugt
hei
rshoul
der
slooki
ngdown.

Thetensemoodi skil
l
edbyanappear anceoftwo
gentl
emanent er
ingt
hroughthedoor.Themood
changesfrom downtoupinjustasecond.They
star
tscreamingandrunni
ngtot hegent
leman.You
knowthatkindofexci
tementkidshavewhentheir
daddyret
urnshomeafteraveryl
ongti
me?Don’
task
mewher eIknowitf
rom cosIsawitf
rom t
he
movies.

Ilookcar efull
yatt hisguyandIf eell
i
keI’veseen
him bef ore.IsthisSt hembisoKhoza?Asheget s
closerIr ealizetheyjustlookal i
ke.Evenifyoudon’ t
hav eanyexpensey amj olot her
ei snowayy oucan
mi sst hebadboychar acteronhi m.He’sgotat attoo
onhi sneck, armsandLor dknowswher eelse.He’ s
wear ingbl uejeans, whiteTshirtandBlackAl l-
star
s
boot s.Thel ooki scompl etedwi thablackleather
j
acketandsungl asses.He’ swithsomedar kbigguy
whol ooksl i
keheeat sfoodal ldayforaliv
ing.He
takesof fhi sleatherjacketandt hebigguyqui ckly
grabsi tandhangi tont hechai r.Hemov est othe
barandst artfixi
ngt wogl assesofdr i
nks.

“
Didy
ouguy
scookany
thi
ng?
”Thebi
gguyasks

“
Wewer
egonnacookast
orm onl
yifwewer
e
noti
fi
edthebigbossisf
inal
lymakinganappearance
today.
”Somegi r
lcompl
etestheanswerbyst
icking
outhertongue

Thel adi
eshavenowcooleddownwiththenoiseand
allexcit
ement
.Sthembi
solookali
kestar
tsscanning
thewhol er
oom l
ikehe’
schecki
nganykindoff aul
t.I
l
ookatAusi Moll
yandshelooksscar
ed.

“
Younotgoi
ngt
ogr
eetme?
”Heasksher

Shesl owlygetsupfrom herseat.Shesmi l

esbut
evenPhodi socanseethatsmi l
ei sfake.“
Nati
onhi.I
didn’tknowy ouwerecomi ngback.Whydi dn’
tyou
callorsomething?”Shehugshi m

Thebigguycomeswit
hthedri
nk.Hegul
psi
tdown
atonegoandhandshi
mt hegl
assback.
“
Ngay eanothershotdaLebhazooka.Don’tmeasur
e
i
tjustfi
l
lthewholeglassandjustdashitupwith
i
ce.”

“
OladaNat
ion.
”Hesay
sashegr
abst
hegl
ass

“Mol
tahwherear
emygi r
ls?”Heaskswhil
efocusi
ng
onhisf
inger
s.hi
sbusypinchi
ngthem l
i
kehe’str
ying
tot
akeoutathornout

“
Ummm…”

“Molt
ahMashi l
eI’mt
alki
ngtoy ouanddon’tyou
darerepeatt
hatUmmm…”Hest opspl
ayi
ngwi thhi
s
fi
ngersbefor
eshecouldanswer“ Ladi
esIneed
somepr i
vacywithMol
tah.I
’
llcatchupwithallofyou
l
ater.
”

“
Kuzony
iwal
a.I
fhecal
l
syourr
eal
namesi
nful
lj
ust
knowt hatnost
oneisgoi
ngtobelef
tunt
urned.
”She
whisperstomyearsandgaspsf
orair

Idon’
tknowifIshouldst
ayormov ewit
htherestof
thegi
rl
sbutIdon’tknowthem.Icameherewith
AusiMoll
yandI ’
m goi
ngtoremainher
ewithher.
She’
ssti
llhol
dingmychil
dbyt heway

Theladi
esgetupandmovepasthi
m.Hegrabstwo
bythei
rarmsandlookatt
hem l
i
keadoct
orcaref
ull
y
i
nspecti
ngapati
ent.

“
Youhaveabr
uiseony
ourf
ace?
”Hesay
stooneof
t
hegi
rl
s

Sheputsherhandonherf
aceandl
ooksdown
avoi
dingeyecont
actwi
thhim

“
Dammi
tVeey
ouknowIhat
eitwhenI
’
mtal
ki
ngt
o
youguysandyoul
ookdown.Lookatme.What
happenedt
oyourf
ace?Youwentbackt
ohim di
dn’
t
you?”

Shelooksupathi m andIseet ear

sflowingdownon
herface.Hegi vesheratighthugandshebr eaks
down.Thatmomentr i
ghtthereisenoughf ormet o
j
udget hathe’snotasdanger ousashesoundsand
l
ooks.Her emi ndsmeofFr eedom ev er
yt i
mehi s
heartbrokeforme.Icouldseesadnessi nhiseyes.
Thislookri
ghther esaysal otandkindaput smeat
ease.

“I
t’
sokay.I’
m backandhewi l
lnevertouchyouagain.
DamnVeewhydoy oukeepongoi ngbacktothat
bastar
d?Igiveyouguyswaymor ethanenoughto
surv
iveandav oi
dsuchshit
.SurelyIshisdi
ckmade
outofgold?Surel
yther
eisbetterdicksoutt
here.
"

“
I’
m sor
ryf
ordi
sappoi
nti
ngy
ou.
”
“I
t’
sokay.I
’m backandhewi
ll
nevertouchy
ouagai
n.
Goupstai
rsweshallcat
chuplat
er.
”

Sher
unsupst
air
sandhet
urnst
othebi
gguy
.
“
Lebhazoka?
”

“
Sur
eNat
ion.
”

“
Or ganizet
heguystogetthebastardandteachhi
m
alessonhe’l
lneverf
orget
.Wellactual
lynevermi
nd
I
’l
ldoi tmysel
f.
”Heturnstotheothergir
l“AndCl
ara?
Whati sgoi
ngon?Arey ouondrugs?”

“NoChabs.”She’
saj
unki
ethi
sone.ev
enPhodi
so
canseeit

“
Don’
tyoudar
eli
etome.Si
ncewhendowet
ake
drugs?Mol t
ahisthishowy our anmybusi nesson
myabsence?Youcor ruptedmygi rl
s?”.Hethen
turnedtothebigguy“ Arr
angef orhertobet aken
i
ntor ehab.Makeithappent oday.Goandpackup
eachandev eryshityouowny ou’
regetti
ngoutof
hereandy ou’
regoingt ogetri
doft hataddicti
onand
untilyour
edoingbetteryouwi ll
notbeget t
ingany
centfrom me.FuckmanIt houghtItaughty ouguys
better”

I
t’
snowjustt
hefourofuswell
thatLebhazokai
s
busyont
hephonebookingr
ehabs.

“Sowebri
ngi
nginf
ant
sint
othewor
kpl
acenow?
”He
askswhi
l
elooki
ngatAusi
Moll
y

“Hainothethi
ngisImett
hemotherandshe’
s
desper
atel
ylooki
ngforaj
ob.Shehasnowher
etogo
soi…”
“Youwhat ?Broughtherintomypl acewi t
houteven
doinganybackgr oundcheckonher ?Youentered
thesecurit
ypasswor dwhi l
eshe’slooki
ng?Whati f
she’sanundercov ercop?Didy ouplaygameswhi l
e
growingup?Imeangamesl ikethosekindladi
esli
ke?
Bodi ket
o,ski
ppingt heropeandhi deandsick?”

“
YesIdi
dboss.
”

“
Didy
oupl
ayt
hem enough?
”

“
Yes.
”

“Idon’tt
hinksocosy ouwoul dn’tbeplayingwithmy
business.”Hehitst heglassont hetableanditf eel
s
l
ikethet abl
eisgoi ngtocr ack.“Moltahy ouknow
howhar dIwor kedf orthisbusiness.Itookt hose
gir
lsfrom thestreets.Iwillputupmybal lsont he
scaleforthosegi r
ls,Iwouldgi veupany t
hingfor
them.Youst ri
pmenakedandt akeany t
hingbutnot
thosegi
rl
s.Youdon’tf
uckengettodest
roymygi
rl
s
anddowiththem asyouplease.
”

“
Nat
ionI
….”Shet
ri
est
oreasonwi
thhi
m
“Shutthefuckup.
”Hesayswhilescr
olli
ngonhi s
phone.Hedi al
sanumber“Openthedoorandl etthe
guysin.pintounl
ockt
hedoorisMoer skont.No
questi
onsaskedbythedoor.Iaut
hori
zedt heentr
y .
Makei tquick.
”

“Yourfri
endsareher
e.YoufuckengetNi
geri
ans
i
nv ol
vedinmybusiness?
.I’
m putt
inganendtot
his
businesstr
ansact
ionofyour
s.”

Someguy senterpushi
ngsomebadlybeatenup
menatgunpoi nt.Hegetsupf
rom hi
schairand
fol
lowsthem t
osomer oom.Hedoesn’thavethat
concer
nedbigbr ot
herl
ooknow.Helooksdangerous
l
ikeasnake
“AusiMoll
ywhati
sgoi
ngonher
e?Iwantt
ogo.
Pleasel
etmeout.
”

“SHUTTHEFUCKUP.
”Shesay
swi
thhert
eet
h
gri
nned

“
Iwanttogo.IpromiseIwon’
tsayany
thi
ngabout
whathappenedher
e.”

“OnlyNat
ionwilll
etyouout.Idon’
tknowhowto
evengetout.Therei
saspeci al
generat
edcodef
or
enteri
ngher
eandhet ookal
laccessawayfr
om me.
”

Shet
alksli
keaper
sonwhohasgi
venuponl
i
feand
i
sabouttodie.

“I
shegoingtomakemeapr ost
it
ute?Idon’thave
anyt
hingbutIdon’
twantt
obeapr osti
tute.SisMoll
y
pl
easeIneedtogetoutofhere.
”Myey esare
swol
l
enf
rom al
lthet
ear
snow

Shesqueezesmyhandl i
keaper sonreadytodi e.
“Rel
axhe’snotl iket hat.Hewi l
lneverforceyout odo
anyt
hingy oudon’ twantt odo.He’ sagr eatperson
real
l
y.Ijustletgr eedgett hebet t
erofme.Hewi lll
et
yougoify outellhimy ouwantt ogoandatnopr i
ce
atal
l.Hedoesn’ tsl eepwi t
hthegi rl
sfr
om her e.He
prot
ectsthem likeabi gbrother.He…”

IhearthatloudBangBangfrom t
hemov i
eswhich
completelyparal
yzesmywholebody.Whathav
eI
gott
enmy sel
fint
o.Iruntot
hedoorholdi
ngmybaby
assoonasIr eov
er.Ther
emustbeawayoutofhere
besi
dest hesecurit
ythi
ng

“
Madzal
eni
wai
t.
”Av
oicesay
sfr
om t
heback
It
urnt olookandit
shim.He’
sholdi
ngaglassof
whiskeylikehej
ustwonabigvi
ctor
y.Hewalks
sl
owl ytowardsmewithasmil
eonhisface.Oncehe
getscl
oserheext
endshi
shand.Idon’
tgr
eethi
m
back

“Rel
axman.akej
est
ocko.KeSechababutont
he
str
eett
heycal
lmeNati
on.Wenaomang? ”

Hesipshi
sdr
inkwi
thhi
sey
esl
ooki
ngatme
t
hrought
hegl
ass

Ij
ustl
ookathi
m wi
thoutgi
vi
nganyanswer

“Youlooktooscaredt ointroduceyoursel
ftome.
MadzaleniNdlozir
ight?MmagoPhodi so?My
condolencesonthepassi ngy ati
mery ancosiyahao.
Itmusthav ebeenav erytraumaticexperi
ence.Why
doyoul ooksoscared?Doy ouwanttogo?Sayt he
wordandI ’
lll
etmeout .”

Howt
hehel
ldoest
hisguyknowme?
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#6

TosayI ’
m shockedi t
’sanunder statement.How
doest hisguyknowmeandwor sehowdoeshe
knowaboutGer ald?Doest hi
smeanheknowsabout
whatt ranspir
edt hatni ght?Allthesequest ions
fl
oodingmymi ndst artsmaki ngmeshakel ikea
l
eav eonawi ndyni ghtandIt hinkhecannot i
ceit.I
actuallythi
nkt hat’sri
ghtwher ehewant edme.He’ s
notsay ingany thi
ngt hough.He’ sj ustst
rippingme
nakedwi t
hhisey es.If eelli
kehecanpi ercer ight
throughmysoul andt hat’
smaki ngmef eel so
vulnerable.Iwantt ot alkbutwor dsar ejusttied
aroundmyt onguef ail
ingdismal lytocomeout .

Thebigguycut
sthet
ensi
onwi
thhi
spr
esencewhen
hejoi
nsus.
“Ineedtogo.I
sther
eany
thi
ngel
sey
ou’
regoi
ngt
o
need?”Heasks

“Nokeshap.I
’
llgi
veyouacalli
fIneedanyt
hing.
”He
answer
stheguywhil
ehiseyesaresti
l
lfi
xedonme.

Theybumpshoul
der
sandt
heguyl
eav
es.

“
CanIl
eavetoo?”Iaskwi
thdesper
ati
ont
raceabl
ein
myvoi
ceandvisi
bleonmyface
“
Yougoingtobreakherneck.
”Hepoi
ntsatPhodi
so
j
ustaf
tersay
ingthat

Il
ookatherandIdon’
tseehowI
’
m goi
ngt
obr
eak
herneck.

“
That
’snothowy
oucar
ryachi
l
d.”
Hecomescl oserandt
akesherf
rom myar
ms
car
eful
l
y.Ithinkhe’
str
yingt
omakesurehedoesn’
t
wakeherup.

“Thisishowy oucarryachil
d.”Hersuppor t
sboth
herheadandneckwi thhi
srighttat
tooedar m whi
le
theot herhandi sneatl
ywrappedar oundhertummy .
Hepeaksi nsideherpinkr
eceivingblanketandbrush
hercheekswi thasmi l
ecoveredonhi sface.“
Watse
daMyPoppe.Aaahwenar etl
oot imanama.You
sleept oomuchne?y ouwill
mi ssoutonal lt
hegood
things.Youl ooksomuchl i
key ou’r
ef at
her”

Disgust
edisvi
sibl
eonhisfaceaftersay
ingt
hatl
ast
sent
ence.Li
kehehatedherfat
her.Howdoeshe
evenknowGeral
dandt hef
actthathewasherfat
her
?

“
Pleasebr
ingherbackandcanIpl
easel
eav
e?”

Isaywhi
l
esnat
chi
ngherawayf
rom hi
m.
Ifeelsouneasywi thhimtouchingher
.Youcansay
I’
m abitparanoidbutIfeell
ikehewillr
unawaywi th
herorsomet hing.Whocanbl ameme?Theguyr uns
abr ot
helandhej ustshotsomepeoplewhileIwas
underthi
sr oofandheknowsst uf
faboutmethatI’m
tooscaredt oevenfacesoy eahI’
m notpar
anoid.

“
Sur
e.”Her
aiseshi
shandsasawayofsur
render
ing.

Itur
nbacktolookforAusiMol
lywel
lnotthatIwant
anythi
ngtodowithherIj
ustwantt
obesur eshe’
s
sti
ll
present
.She’
ssit
ti
ngbythebarhavi
ngasmoke
andadr i
nk.

Imakemywayout .I
’
m surpri
sedhehasn’ ti
ssued
anythreat
saboutwhathewi l
ldot omeifItalk.I
wasexpectingitandIwasr eadytodefendmy sel
f.I
turnbacktolookatthispl
aceonemor etimeand
nowIcanseeIwast oostupidtot hi
nkit
’sactuall
ya
realhousecosthisplacedoesn’thavehouses
aroundexpectforaboundedf i
rms.
I
tlookssodi f
ferentoutside.Thesunisbl azi
nghot.
Youcoul dact
uallytakeapotandcookr ightonthe
ti
reroad.Theywer erightwhent heysaid
Phalaborwaisextremelyhot .Outsi
deitl
ookst ot
all
y
di
fferentfr
om theplaceIj ustcameoutof .Fora
momentIt houghtitwasl ateatnighti
nsidethere.

It
’ssohar dtowal ki
nthissunwhi lecarryi
ngachi l
d
andcar r
yingsomanyt hingsi ny ourmi nd.I
’mjust
walkingbutIdon’tevenknowwher eIam andwher e
I’
m going.Theroadlooksr atherdeser tedwithjust
oneort wocarspassingaf terawhi l
e.Iseeav erybi
g
buil
ding.WhenIl ookcarefull
yIseeabi gboard
writ
ten“PMCmi ne”sothisist hef amous
PhalaborwaMi ni
ngcompany .Idon’ tevenseeany
entr
ancef rom whereI’
m standi ngsoIdeci detojust
carr
yonwal ki
ng.

Imissmymother
’shouseastoxi
casitwasbutI
real
l
ymissi
t.Imi
ssGar et
h.Whydidhedi
eand
l
eavemeall
alonetofacethi
s?Imissmal
omeSello,
ImissMeshack.Thi
sli
fet
hingi
shar
donmyown.
I’
m atapoi
ntofgivi
ngup
I
’vebeenwal kingforsomet i
menow.I ’
mf eeli
ngso
ti
redandhungr y.Doot herpeoplegot hroughwhat
I
’m goingt hroughinlif
e?Ir eal
lyfeelli
keI’m carr
y i
ng
theentirewor l
dheav yloadr i
ghtonmyshoul derand
I
tsallcollapsingonmer ightnow.If eell
ikeI’
m
God’srubbi shbinlikehejustdumpsev eryloadof
badgar bageonme.Whycan’ tIhav eabi gbreak?I
haveachi ldnowandnopl acetost ayoranymeans
tosuppor ther.Howdoesheexpectmet osurvive?

I’
vealwaysbeenopt i
misti
caboutli
fedespite
every
thi
ngIwentt hr oughbutri
ghtnowI ’
mt i
red.I
’m
ti
redofli
v i
ng,I’
mtiredofnothavinganycont r
olof
every
thi
ngt hatishappeninginmylife,I
’mtir
edof
notfi
ndinganysol uti
on,I’
mtir
edofdr eamingbig
onlytohitrockbottom.
Phodisostar
tscr
ying.Iopent
heblanketandshush
herbutthemoreIshushheristhemorehercrygets
sohysteri
cal
.
“Phodisopl easekeepqui t
emygi r
l.PleaseI’m
beggingyou.Il ookonmysi deandt herear ebushes,
ri
ghti nt
hemi ddleIspotatree.Igoandsi tunderthe
treeandtakeoutmybr easttofeedher .Shesucks
onceandr emov eshermout hlikeshej usttast
ed
somet hi
ngbi tterandstart
scr yi
ngagai n.“God
pleasemakeherst opcryi
ngplease.”Igetupand
shushher .Itrysohar dtostopmyt earsfrom
comi ngout .Istar
tsingi
ngf orher:

Nanaf
omol
abommebai
l
ekaebai
l
emashemong….

Ther
emor eIsingthemorehercr
iesgets.She’
s
act
uall
yscreamingsoloudf
orachild.Areherl
ungs
somaturedtoscream t
hatl
oud?

“Phodisokeeng?
”Ishoutatherfi
ghti
ngt
heedget
o
thr
owheront heground.Ican’
tdothi
sIr
eal
l
ycan’
t
dothis.
Iputheront
hegr
oundandwal
kaway.Idon’tev
en
l
ookbehindt
oseehowshe’
sdoi
ng.Iwalkandwalk.

AsI ’
m walki
ngIf eelacarst oppingrightnexttome.
It
sSechaba.Ourey eslockandhedoesn’ tsay
anythi
ngt ome.Heopenst hedoorandgoest ot he
groundandpi ckherup.She’ sst i
ll
cryinghysterical
ly.
Hest ill
doesn’tsayany t
hingtome.Hesi t
sint he
carandput sherrightonhi sshoulders.Hisbusy
brushingherbackandsl owl yshest opscryingt he
onlysoundIcanheari sj usthiccups.Hecar ef
ul l
y
placesheront hepassengerseatandget sout.

“Nomat terhowt hingst urnoutyoudon’ tdothatdo

youhearme?y oudon’ tputaninnocentchild
throughthat.
”Hewal ksupt omeandpul l
smei nhis
arms.I’
m abi trel
uctantbuthepr essesmyheadon
hisshouldersandwhi spers“Cry.Letital
lout.
”Itry
tosuppresst hecry.“Nonodon’ tdot hat
.Don’t
suppressthatcr y
.Itdoesn’ tmakey ouanyweaki t
provesyourhumanandy ougot hroughshit.
”
Ist
artcr
ying.I
tst
art
sasasof
tlowcr
ywhi
chgr
ows
i
ntoaloudcry.

“
Yest
hat
’swhatIwantt
ohear
.Leti
tal
lout
”
“
Idi
dn’
tmeant
oleav
eherl
i
ket
hat
.”

“Shshsshnotal
ki
ng.
”Hebr
ushesmybacksof
tl
yas
hesay st
hat

“
I’
m notabadmot
her
.”

“ShshshshIbel
iev
eyou.
”Hecement
smyheadon
hischestasshesayst
hat

“
Idocar
eabouther
.”

“Iknow.
”Herunshi
sfi
nger
sthr
oughmyt
inyhai
ras
hesaysthat
Icr
ymore.Icryforal
lthethi
ngsI’
vesweptawayand
tol
dmysel
fit’
sallal
ri
ght.Whyishemakingme
comef
acet ofacewithmyf ear
s?

OnceI
’
vecal
meddownIgetupf
rom.“
I’
m sor
ry.
”

“
Forwhat
?”

“
Thanky
ou.
”

“
It
’snot
hing.Let
’sgo.
”

IgetinsideandholdPhodiso.Wearej ustqui
te
alongthewayunt il
Phodisostar
tscr
yingagain.He
takesonel ookatherandgoesbacktoconcent r
ate
ont heroad.“Feedher
.”

I
’
mtooembar
rassedt
odot
hati
nfr
ontofhi
m butI
havenochoicecosshe’
sjustcr
ying.It
akeoutmy
breastandf
eedher.t
hist
imeshesuckswi t
houtany
hustl
e

“
Wheny ou’
rest
ressedki
dscansensei
t.Theyhav
ea
wayofsensi
ngabadv i
be.”

Ithi
nkhecanreadmymi
ndt
hatI
’
m aski
nghowdo
youknowthat

“
Irai
sedmysi
bli
ngs.
”

Hedoesn’
tsaymoreandI’m notgoingt oaskmore.
Wedri
veinawkwardsil
enceagai n.It
hinknatur
all
y
he’
snotatal
kerandI’
m notat al
kertooifI’
m not
usedt
othepersonbutIhat
et hissil
ence

“
Sowher
edoy
ouknowmef
rom?
”
“I
’v
eknowyouforquit
esometime.You’
rel
i
nkedt
o
someoneIwasint
erest
edi
n.”

Myheartst
art
sthreat i
ngt
ocomeoutofmychest
wi
thal
lthebeati
ng.“ Youmustbet raumatizedabout
t
hedeathofthefatherofyourchi
ld.”Irecallt
hose
wor
ds.Sohei st
alkingaboutGareth.

“
Gar
eth?
”Iask

Hetakesasipfr
om thewat
erbot
tl
ebef
ore
answeri
ng.“
Yeah.”

“
Buthowdi
dyouknowme?
”
“
Het ooksomethi
ngver
ypreci
ousawayf r
om me.I
wasdesperat
etowinherbacksoIhadtodigdeep
j
usttofi
ndanydir
tabouthi
m andIfoundoutabout
youguys.
”
“
Let
ago?Thedoct
or?
”

Hedoesn’
tansweri
nsteadhet
hrowsthewater
bot
tl
eoutsi
dethewindowandconti
nuesdr
ivi
ng

“Waitaminute.Di
dyouhav
eany
thi
ngt
odowi
th
Garethdeat
h?”

Heopensthesecondwat
erbott
leandt
akesasi
p
f
rom i
tandconti
nuesdr
ivi
ng.

….
.
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#7

Minuteshav epassednowandI ’
m st il
lwai t
ingf oran
answer .It
’sl
ikemyquestionfellstraightintodeaf
ears.He’snowpl ayi
ngmusi clookingunbot heredby
whatIj ustaskedhim.Hedoesn’ tl
ookof fendedor
guil
tysoI t’
sveryhardtoreal
lytell
ifhedi di t.But
thenagai nhowwoul dhekill
Ger al
dt hev erysame
waymal omeandMeshackwer ekilled?Noneoft hi
s
makessense.Whati fhe’
scov eri
ngf orhisex
gir
lfr
iend?Iswearmyl if
eisar oll
er-coasterof
misery.

Wer eachsomepl aceandboywear ewelcomedby

somer ealvibes.Iseeaboar dwr it
tenNamakgal e.
Sothisisthef amousPhalabor wakasi ?Thereisli
fe
everywhere.Carwasht here,chisany amagoingon
ther
e, t
avernst her
e,ki
dsrunningar oundt hestr
eet,
carsgoingar oundhaitheplacei sjusttooali
ve.It
feelsl
ikewehav eent er
edacompl etediffer
entplace.
Looksl i
kePhalaborwai snotjustat ouri
sttownonl y
thereissomereal f
unher ewel l f
ort hosewhol ike
fun.I’
veneverbeent hekindofgi rlthatfoundf unin
goingouttopubsorr oamingar oundt hestr
eet.My
typeoffunisbeingathomer eadingabook, cooking
andwat chi
ngsomemov i
es.Ilovef oodandi fIhad
moneyIwoul deatoutal otyat hatgoi ngasfunne?
eati
ngout ?

Hepar ksthecaratsomef ourr

oomedhouse.y ou
knowt hoseoldGovernmenthouses.Thereisa
teenagegirl
playi
ngaloneintheyard.Shelooksli
ke
10y earsofage.Shestopsplay
ingandr unstothe
carwhensheseeshi m.Sheador eshim noquesti
on
needaskedher e.

“
Abut
iSechaba.
”Sheshout
sjumpi
ngal
lov
erhi
m

“Baul
a.Howsi
t?”Hepi
ncheshercheeksand
embraceheri
ntoati
ghthug.
I
t’sabeaut
ifulscenetowatch.Not
hingImean
nothi
ngisascut easamanwhoador eschi
ldr
en.At
thi
spointI
’
m notsur ei
fshe’shi
sdaughterorwhat
buthedoesn’tlookt
hatol
dt obeherfather
.

“Whyareyoupl
ayi
ngal
one?
”Heaskswhi
l
ebr
ushi
ng
hergol
denhai
r

“Theyar
eteasi
ngmebar
ekenna
Lekgwehl
e(Al
bino)
”

Icanseehedoesn’ tknowwhatt osayt oher.He

l
ooksatmeandl ooksbackather .Iwanttosayt ell
hershe’sv erybeaut i
fulandshemustnotpay
attenti
ont owhatt heyar esayi
ngbutIdon’ twantt o
l
ookf orwar d.I’
venev erexperi
encedt hatki
ndofpai n
butIknowhowi tfeelsli
ketogot hr oughsomet hing
andf eell
ikey ouhav enocont rol
ov erbutI’
m not
confidentenought omot i
vatesomeoneandt ell
them itsfi
neImeandeepdownI ’m goi ngt
hrough
hellandit’
snotf ineatal l
.Juststandingherel ooking
atherIreal
izethatweallhaveourownl oadof
tr
oubles.Nobodyisimmunet opain.Shamepoorgir
l
andshe’sreall
ybeauti
ful
.Ihopetheuniversewil
l
presentmewi t
hachancet ogetclosertoher.I
yearntotel
lhershe’senoughandperfect

“
Younott
hat
.”Hesays.Soundi
ngmor el
ikehe’
s
t
ryi
ngt
oconvi
ncehi
msel fmorethanher

“YesIam.Every
bodycal
lsmet hateventhet
eacher
s
atschool
.”Shesay
sitsocasuall
yli
keit’
sanormal
thi
ng

“
Whydi
dn’
tyout
ell
me?
”

“Sothatyoucangoaroundandmaket hr
eatsagai
n
orhurtthem?HaaaaAbutiSechaba.
”Goshshe’
s
suchat eenager
“Whoi sthat?
”Sheaskspoi nt
ingatme.Icantel
lshe
j
ustwant stochanget hetopi
cshe’snotr
eal
ly
i
nterestedinme.Coul ditbethatshehasseenhim
wit
hdi ff
erentgir
lsbef or
eandI ’
mjustoneoft
hem?I
don’
tknowwhyt hatthoughtpri
ckl
esmyheartI
meani t’
snotlikehe’smyboy fri
end.

Hedoesn’tanswerher
.Herj
ustkeepshi
sdefeated
eyesfi
xedonher.Iseedi
sappoi
ntmentandsadness
onhisface

“Papa.
”It
’sasmall
boyrunni
ngt
owardshi
m.He’
s
onlywear
ingaTshir
tandunder
wear

Hepi
ckshi
m upandswi
ngshi
m ar
ound.Theboy
gi
ggl
eswhi
leupi
ntheai
r

“Howsi
tboy?Werey
oucryi
ng?”Heaskswhil
e
wipi
ngofft
heremai
ningt
earsonhi
scheekswit
hhi
s
hand
“KeboMatome.Theydi
dn’
twanttopl
aywithme
bareIhav
eAidsli
kemymot herwasf
ebe.
”

Jesus.Myhear
tst
andsst
il
latt
hement
ionofwhat

“
Youdon’thavet
hat.It
aughtyoutobeatev
ery
one
whospeaksli
kethatt
oy ou.Whydi
dn’ty
oubeat
t
hem?”

“KokosaidImustst
opgett
ingi
ntof
ights.Shesai
dif
Idon’tst
opshe’
sgoingt
osendmet ojailandt
he
poli
cearegoi
ngtobeatmeup.”

Hel
aughsandbot
hhi
m andt
heandt
hegi
rlj
oins

“
Shei
sly
ing.Shewi
l
lnev
erdot
hat
.”

Thel
aught
eri
sint
err
upt
edbyasuddenopenoft
he
fr
ontdoor .Av er
yoldwomanwi t
hwhi tehairis
standingbyt hedoor.Shel
ooksoldbutst il
llooks
verystrongandImustsaybeaut if
ul withbiggr ey
hairalloverthehead.Thehai
rlookswel lrelaxedand
shehascombedi tbackwards.Sheiswear i
nga
mot oi
shi wit
hnoshoes.Shedoesn’ tlooktoo
pleasedtoseeSechaba

“That
o,Mi
sogoinsi
dethehousenow.
”Herv oi
cei
s
sofir
m.Thatv
oicet
hatcommandsrespect

“
Mar
akokoIst
il
lwantt
oseepapa.
”

Theteenagegi r
lwhom I
’venowlearnedi
sMiso
takesThato’shandandleadhi
mi nsidet
hehouse.
He’ssul
kingwhi l
ewalki
nginsi
dethehouse.Miso
keepsonbr ushi
nghisheadasawayofcomf ort.

Iopenthecardoort
ryi
ngtogetbackinsi
debutshe
si
gnalsmetostopwithherhand.Ist
andsti
l
lleani
ng
bythecarhol
dingPhodisov
eryt
ighti
nmyhands
readyt
orunshouldthi
ngsgosouthhere.

“MaOu.”Hegreetswhiletaki
ngt
hebeanieof
fhis
headandburi
eshi sheadonthegroundt
oavoidany
for
m ofeyecontactwithher

Shedoesn’
trespondthegr
eet
ingbuti
nst
eadt
urns
tome.“DumelaAusi.
”

“
Dumel
angkoko.
”

“
Ojol
aleSechaba?
”

“
MaOu”Hesay
sitasawayofsay
ingst
opi
t

“OnyakangmohakaSechaba?Di
dn’
tIt
ell
yout
o
nev
ersetyourf
oother
e?”
“Iknowwhaty ousai
dandy ouknowI’
l
l never
disrespecty
ouinanywaybutIwasmi ssingt
hem
andt heymissedmetoo.Igott
hem st
uffand…”

Hedoesn’tgettof i
nishhissent
enceasahotcl ap
i
nterr
uptshim.Ijumpabi tf
eeli
nglikei
tjustl
anded
onmycheek.Hej uststandssti
llandconti
nuesto
buryhi
sheadont heground

“
Lookatme.
”Shecommands

Hel ooksatherandanot
herhotclaplandsonhis
othercheek.Hedoesn’
trespond,
touchthecheeks
orany t
hing

“Youstayawayf rom thi

shouseandev eryonewho
stayshere.It
oldy outotur
nawayf rom ally
ourevi
l
doingssountilyoudosoy ou’renotwelcomedhere.
Iwillt
akecareofal lmygrandchi
ldr
enthesameway
Ididwithyou.Idon’tneedyourhelpwit
hy ourdi
rt
y
money
.”

“
Canyouatl
eastt
aket
hef
oodandmedi
cat
ionf
or
t
hem?
”

“
Kanal
eber
ekakaepapa?CanIseey
ourpay
sli
p?”

“
Maou…”

“Don’
tcomebackher
eagainunl
essyou’
rewi
l
li
ngt
o
changeorel
seI
’l
lcal
lthepol
i
ceonyou.”

Shest
art
swal
ki
ngbutt
urnsbackandl
ooksatme

“Don’
tlethi
m getyoui nv
olv
edi nhisevil
things.
Whatthosegir
lsdon’tknowi sthattheyarejustnot
havi
ngsexwi t
hthosemen.Youy oungpeopleare
j
ustaft
ermoneybuty oudon’tknowt he
consequencesthatcomeswithhavi
ngsexwi t
hjust
random guys.Therei
swhatwecallsexualt
iesand
that’
sav er
ydangerousthi
ng.Thi
sonewi l
lgetyou
i
ntot r
oubleI’
mt el
l
ingyou.
”

Sheturnsbackandgoesi nsidethehouse.Sechaba
l
ooksatherunt i
lshegetsinsidethehousewitha
smileonhisface.Assoonasshecl osest
hedoorhe
shakeshisheadstil
lsmil
ing.

“HaiOul
ady
.Ol
dagei
smessi
ngwi
thherhead.Let
’s
go.”

Igeti
nsidethecarconfusedasever.Iwantt
oask
questi
onsbutIknowhehasat endencyofnot
answeringquesti
onsactual
l
yhe’
snotmuchofa
tal
kerthatI
’venoti
ced.

“
Ist
haty
ourson?
”It
ryt
obr
eakt
hei
ce
“
Sor
tof
.”

“
Whatdoy
oumeansor
tof
?”

Hedoesn’ tanswer.Iknewhewon’ tgodeeper .He

goesqui t
eandwedr i
veincompletesilence.Isti
ll
don’tknowwher ehe’staki
ngme.Iknowi t’
stoo
ri
skybutI ’
m notgoingtoask.Idon’tknowwhybutI
canf eel
thathewi l
lneverhar
m memor eespecial
ly
becauseofPhodi so.Hestopsattheshops

“
I’
m comi
ngback.Don’
ttal
ktoany
one.
”

Justnexttothecarthereisagroupofladi
es.Ican
seethem looki
ngathim andthenbackatmei nsi
de
thecar.Oneofthem walksquickl
ytothecarand
wavesatme.Shesi gnalsformet oopen.Idon’t
knowherandhet ol
dmenott oopenf oranyoneso
I’
m notgoingtoopen.Ilookatherandcontinue
l
ookinginthefrontunti
lInoti
cealmosteveryoneis
stari
ngatmei naveryweirdway.Somear ebusy
pointi
ngf ingersatmeandnodoubtt heyare
gossipingaboutme.Thel adyisst
illstandi
ngjust
nexttot hewi ndow.Iopent hewi
ndownhal fwayand
shedoesn’ tevengi
vemeachancet osayany t
hing.
Shest artst al
ki
ngsof astl
ikeapersonwhodoesn’ t
wantt ogetcaught

“Areyounewhere?Ever
ygi
rlar
oundher
edoesn’
t
playnextt
othatguy
.”

Ir
ecall
thi
sisPhal
aborwa.Aver
ysmallpl
acewher
e
ev
erybodyknowseachandev
eryone’
spanty

“Wedon’tknowwhati
shappeningbutever
ygir
lhe
sl
eepswithendsupdead.Youneedtorunfory
our
l
ifegi
rl
.”

Idon’
tknowSechababutIf
eel
li
keshe’
sly
ingand
I’
m goi
ngtodef
endhim
“
Whyi
sLet
agost
il
lal
i
ve?
”

Shelookedpuzzl
edl
ikeshedi
dn’
texpectmeto
knowthis.Shenowl
ooksconf
usedandnotfr
eeto
tal
k

“
Whydi
dherki
dsdi
einst
ead?
”

SheseesSechabacomi
ngandr
unsbackt
oher
group

Letagoandki
ds?Geral
ddescr
ibedherassome
angelsowhatki
dsisshet
alki
ngabout?Idoubtshe
hadkids

“
Whatwast
hatgi
rlsay
ing?
”Heasksashehands
mef
ood
“
Not
hing.Shesai
dnot
hing.
”

“
Okay
.”Hest
art
sthecarandwedr
iveof
f

Idi
dn’
treal
l
ymeannot hi
ngIwant edhi
mtopr
ymor
e
butwhatdi
dIexpectt
hisisSechaba.
….
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#8

Thet ensioninthiscarJehov aIswearIev ent he

deadcanf eeli
t.Idon’tknowi fhe’smadwi thmef or
talki
ngt osomeoneaf terhegav emeani nstructi
on
nott otalktoanyoneandIcompl etel
ydidt he
opposi teevenwor seIr ef
usedt otellhi
m whatt he
l
adysai dtome.It houghthewoul daskagai nbuthe
didn’t.TheleastIcouldhav edonewast ellhimt he
truthIreall
yowehi mthatmuchaf tereverythinghe
hasdonef ormesof ar.Idon’tknowwher ePhodi sho
woul dbei fi
twasn’ tf
orhi m orwher eIwoul dbenow.

I
t’
snowdar koutsidebutt hatdoesn’
tbl
indmy
memory.Iknowt hisplacewepassedher edur
ing
t
heday.Hest opsandpar katsomecor nerandI
r
ecal
lthati
t’
shi sstreet.
Hetakesouthi
sphoneandmakesacall
.Hehas
connect
edhisphonet
othecarsoIcanhear
ever
ythi
ng

“
Abuti
.”Somel
adyanswer
s.Herv
oicei
ssof
ull
of
r
espect

“Ar
eyouhome?
”Nogr
eet
inghej
ustaskshert
he
quest
ion

“
No.I
’
m wor
kingni
ght
shi
ft
.”

Icanhearhi
m cursi
ngunderhi
sbr
eat
hasheshut
s
hisey
esinst
antl
y

“
Isev
ery
thi
ngokay
?”Sheasks

“
Yaev
ery
thi
ngi
sfi
neIj
ustneededal
i
ttl
efav
orbut
al
li
sfi
ne.
”

Shesay shergoodbyes.Hedoesn’
trespondbut
goesont omakeanot hercal
l
.Thereissomethi
ng
aboutthisguyIthi
nkhehassomeki ndofrudeness
i
nhim ori si
tcocki
ness?Buteit
herwayitsui
tshim
andIthinkheknowsi t
.

“
Abuti
Sechaba.
”Agi
rlanswer
s.Nodoubtshe’
snot
t
hatol
d

“
Wher
eisMme?
”

“
She’
ssl
eepi
ng.Shesai
dshe’
snotf
eel
i
ngwel
l
.”

Hecutsthecall
andopenhi sdoor.“Let
’sgo.”He
doesn’
twaitf
ormet or espond.IdoasI ’
mt oldand
fol
lowhim.It
houghttheol dwomanmadei tclear
he’
snotwelcomedher e.Whati fshewakesupand
notonlyattackshi
m butat
tacksmeaswel l
?Al
l
thesefear
sar ecri
ppl
ingmebutI’m notgoi
ngt
oask
him anyt
hing.

Wepasst hefourroomedhouseandwalktothe
backrooms.I
tlooksli
ket
heisthr
eeofthem.He’
s
sti
l
lleadi
ngthewayandI’mfol
lowing.

“I
t’
sabitdustycosIhav
en’
tbeenhereforqui
te
sometime.”Hesaysaft
erpushi
ngthedoorwide
openandswitchi
ngontheli
ght.

Istandbythedoorandl ookaround.I
t’
sav eryni
ce
room withaceili
ngont her oof,
whit
etil
esneatly
craft
edont hefloor.Ther oom i
swellf
ini
shedwitha
verybigbed,thereisast andwithafl
atscreenTv,a
twoseatercouchj ustnextt oi
tandabuildin
wardrobe.

“
Putt
hechi
l
dont
hebedsot
hatshecanr
estwel
l
.”
Hesaysaft
ernot
ici
ngI’
mj ustst
andi
ngbyt
hedoor
notmaki
nganyplantogetinsi
de
Icouldr
eall
ydowi thsomer esttoo.I’mvery
exhaust
ed.Aft
erput t
ingPhodisoont hebedand
makingsureshe’ssettl
edIfinall
ysitsti
llont
hebed
butnotreal
l
yrelaxedcoshe’sj uststandi
ngrightin
fr
ontofme.He’st oointi
midatingbesideshehas
seenmeatmymostv ulner
ablemomentsoi tsjust
noteasytowarm upar oundhim.

“Ther
eisabat
hroom overt
her
eifyouneedtouse
i
t.”Hesay
spoint
ingatsomedoort
hatIdidn’
tev
en
noti
ce.

Iwantt
oopenmymout handrespondbutwor
dsf
ail
tocomeoutal
lIcoul
ddoisj
ustnod.

“
Okayshap.
”Hesay
swhi
l
etr
yingt
ocl
oset
hedoor

“
Wai
t.
”Ishout
.Hest
opsandl
ooksatme.Goshwhy
i
sthi
sguysoi
nti
midat
ing?

“
Wonty
ourgr
andmot
herhav
eapr
obl
em?
”

“
Yoursaf
eher
e.”

NotananswerIwasl ooki
ngforbutI’
llsettl
eforit
.
Hecl osesthedoorandwal ksout.Idon’tevenknow
howI ’m goi
ngt ogetholdofhimjustincaseIneed
somet hingbutwhat’sther
etoneedr eally
?Ihavea
roofov ermyheadandmychi l
dissaf esoIr eal
l
y
don’tthinkI
’m goi
ngt oneedanymor et hanthat.

Iwanttogoandt akeabat hbutI’

mt ooscaredifhe
comesbackandwal ksonmenakedy eahstupidI
knowcoshegav emet hekeys.SoIdecidenotto
bath.FewminuteslaterIhearaknockont hedoor
andI’m ki
ndofstart
led.Idon’
tknowhowt or espond
soIkeepquite
“
MmagoPhodi
so?
”Thev
oicecal
l
soutf
rom out
side.

Itakeoutt
hekeyshegav emeandopen.It
sMiso.I
haveIhavegoodmemor ywit
hpeopl
e’snames.I
’m
sohappytoseehere.She’
sholdi
ngabucketful
lof
waterandamop

“
HiMi
so.
”

Shel
ookedkindofsurpr
isedhowIknowhername.
Shemovesthespectacl
eshigherwi
thherf
inger

“
Abut
iSechabasai
dImustcomeandcl
eant
he
r
oom f
oryou.”

Sechababat
honghowcanhedot
hatt
othepoor
chi
ld?Thi
sissounnecessar
y
“Ohnooy oudon’thaveto.I’
m sureyouhav
eschool
tomorrow.I’
l
ldoit.
”Isaytakingthemopawayf r
om
her.Ir
eall
ydon’twanttodoanycl eani
ngbutt
henI
can’tl
etthepoorchil
ddot hi
s

“
Noi
tsf
ine.Ir
eal
l
ywantt
o.”

“
Don’
tyouhav
ebookst
oread?
”Iaskwi
thasmi
l
e

“Ihaveanaccounti
ngtestt
omorrowbutIwon’
tev
en
bother.IknowI
’m goi
ngtofai
lanyway
.”

Shetakesthemopbackfrom meandIt
akeitback
f
rom herandweenduplaughi
ngatourf
ightover
t
hemop

“
ButAccount
ingi
sreal
l
yeasy.Youjustneedt
oknow
whi
chgoeswhereandyou’
resort
ed.”
“DoyouknowBal
ancesheet
?It’
ssuchanight
mare.
”
Shepul
lssuchal
ongboredfacetosuppor
ther
stat
ement

“
That
’stheeasi
est
.Icanhel
pyoui
fyouwant
.Goget
y
ourbooks.
”

She’
sveryrel
uctanttogo.Ibegherunt
ilshef
inal
l
y
goes.Whensheget sbackshefi
ndsmebusy
mopingtheroom.

“
I’
m backmam.
”

Il
augh“
I’
ll
bewi
thy
ouj
ustnow.
”

Icanseehervi
athemi r
rorwhil
eI ’
m busymoppi
ng.
Herwholebodyisonthebedt r
yingtoavoi
dherlegs
fr
om touchi
ngthewetfl
oor.Icanseeherlooki
ngat
Phodi
so
“
CanIhol
dher
?”

“Yesy oucanbutnotforl
ongpl
easecosshe’
s
sleepi
ng.Iwasadvisednott
oholdherwhi
le
sleepi
ngcosshe’l
lgetusedtot
hehandsandref
use
tosleeponthebed.”

Shet akesherandhol
dsher.Ist
opmoppingj
ustt
o
witnessthi
smoment .Shehasabigsmi
leonher
face

“
She’
ssobeaut
if
ul.Abut
iSechabawasr
ight
.”
“
Hesai
dthat
?”

Shedoesn’tanswerbutcontinuest olookatPhodi .
Thi
sf amil
ydoesn’tli
keanswer i
ngquest ions.Icant
hel
pbutgetal i
ttl
eexcit
edov erwhatshej usttol
d
meaboutSechabasay i
ngPhodi soisbeaut i
ful.I
wonderwhatbr oughtupthatconv ersat
ion.Sechaba
doesn’tl
ookli
kemuchofat alker
“
Sohe’
syourbr
other
?”

“Yes.
”Sheanswer
spay
ingmor
eat
tent
ionont
he
chil
d

“
Andt
hel
i
ttl
eboy
?”

“
He’
shi
sbr
othert
oo.
”

Ohhsohe’
snothi
schil
d?Butwhydoeshecal
lhi
m
papa?“
Whydoeshecal
lhi
m papa?
”Ireal
l
yneedto
know

“
Het
hinkshe’
shi
sfat
her
.”

“
Why
?”

Shedoesn’
tanswerme.Iknewshewasgoi
ngt
opul
l
thatonesoonshe’
ssoli
keherbrot
her
.Ideci
deto
stopaski
ngquesti
onsandcont
inuecl
eani
ng.Idon’
t
wanthertojudgemebadl
y.

“
OkayI
’
m donecl
eani
ng.Let
’sst
art
.”

She’
sst
ill
holdi
ngPhodisoinherhandsbusyt
alki
ng
i
nbabylanguage.I
t’
ssofunnyandcute

“Can’tIjustwat
chov
erher
?Wecandobookssome
othertime.”

“
Nowedoi
ngt
hem now.y
ouhav
eat
estt
omor
row.
”

Shejoinsmeont hecouchandIst artbyexplaini

ng
thebasicaccounti
ngpri
nciplestoher .It
ellherto
askmeany thingshewants.Thatnoquest i
oni s
stupi
d.Idosomef ewpracticalexerciseswhileshe’
s
watchi
ngandencour agehert otr
yt hem onherown
whileIobserveandcor r
ecther
.She’sget
ti
ngthem
wrongbutI ’m sopatientwit
hher.NowIreali
zewhyI
enroll
edf orateachingdegreewhileIwassti
llatt
he
univer
sityofLimpopo.Thi sisr
eall
ymypassionand
I’
mr eall
yenjoy i
ngteachingher
.

Myheadi ssoti
redf r
om looki
ngdownsoIl i
ftitup
andwowSechabai sstandi
ngbyt hedoorwi
thhi s
handsburiedi
nsidehispockets.I
sthatasmileIsee
onhisface?Misolif
tsherheadandspot shi
mt oo

“AbuticomeandseeIgott hisri
ght.
”Shesay s
j
umpi ngf r
om thebedgoi ngtoshowhi mthe
exerci
seshej ustfi
nisheddoing.“
Ican’tbel
ievehow
easythisreal
lyis.Mam Bandamadei tsoundso
dif
fi
cultshedoesn’tknowhowt oexplaini
twell.
MmagoPhodi soexpl ai
neditsowellandshe’sso
pati
enty ouknowshedoesn’ tmakemef eelst
upid.
”

Hesmil
esatherandbrushherhai
r.“
I’
m goi
ngtobuy
yout
hatphoneyou’
vebeentel
li
ngmeabout.”
“Onlyifshepassest hetesttomorrowandcont i
nues
toattendlessonswi t
hmenotj ustaccount
ingbut
othersubjectstoo.Actual
lyshe’sonlygett
ingt
hat
phonei fshepasses.”

“HaaahmamaPhodi sothat
’ssounf ai
r.
”Shepullsa
poutwhil
esay i
ngthat.She’
sr eall
ybeautif
ulnever
mindthefactthatshelooksdifferentt
hanmostof
usbutshe’sreal
lybeauti
fulandIlov ehergreeneyes

“YesIagr
eewi
thher
.Youhav
efai
l
edl
asty
ear
alr
eady.
”

Shest
ickshertongueoutatbot
hofus“Prepar
ethe
moneyforthephonethen.
”Shegoest
ot hebedand
ki
ssPhodisothenwalksout

“Thankyoufordoi
ngthat
.I’
veneverseenherso
excit
edaboutschool
sothankyou.I’
ll
payyou.”
“Shejustrev
ivedmypassionforteachingIreall
y
enjoyedthat
.Iwasstudyi
ngt obeat eacher.You
don’thavetopaymeany thi
ngyouhav ealreadydone
enoughf ormeandformychi l
d.Idon’tknowwher e
wewoul dbei fi
twasn’
tforyou.
”

“
Wher
eisy
ourmot
her
?”

YhooJehov athi
sguyli
kesofframping.It
houghtwe
tal
kingaboutteachi
ngandallnowhowdoesmy
motherfiti
n?Letmewetmyt hroatwit
hsomesali
va
andgetont heflowwit
hhim he’
ssur eashel
la
dif
fi
cultcharact
er.

“
ShestaysatPolokwanekoSeshego.Wedon’
thav
e
agoodrel
ati
onship.
”

“Whydoyoulikewear
ingthoset
hings?WhenIfi
rst
sawyourpi
ctureyouwereweari
ngar edone”He
askspoi
nti
ngatmyscarf
Anotherof
f-
rampf
rom aser
iousconv
ersat
ion.Mx
m
thi
sguymar a

“
Ijustl
i
ket
hem ev
ersi
nceIwasal
i
ttl
egi
rl
.”

Hedoesn’
tansweroraskanot
herquest
ioni
nst
ead
hecl
osesthedoor
.He’ssuchaweir
do
Itakeoffmyj ean,t
opandscar fandplacet hem
neatlyonthecouch.Wher ei
smyr edscarfbyt he
way ?Isearchedfori
ty ester
daybutcouldn’tfi
ndit
nowt hathehasment ioneditI’
l
lsearchitforitwell
tomor r
owwhenIhav et i
mecosr i
ghtnowI ’mr eal
l
y
ti
redallIneedistosleep.

Iwal ktothebat hr
oom topee.Thereisatoi
l
etseat
andabat htub.Thesightofabathtubsendsmy
heartraci
ngt hatIqui
ckl
yrunawayf rom t
he
bathroom withoutdoi
ngany t
hing.
Istartr
ecal
l
inghowt hebat
htubhastakenaway
everymaleclosetomeandIstartwonderi
ngi
f
Sechabawon’ tbet
henextone.

“NoMadzwety ourt
hroatwit
hsomesal i
vaand
comedowngirl
.”Myinnervoicesay
stomeandIdo
asshetel
lme.Ireal
l
yneedt oremaincal
m now
thoughi
t’
ssohard

Isof
tknockgiv
esmeanescapefrom myt
hought
s.I
don’
tanswerbutj
ustl
i
stenat
tent
ivel
y

“
Openi
tsme.
”That
’sSechaba’
svoi
ce

Ijustgoquiteanddon’tanswer.I
’
m scaredtobei n
thesamer oom wit
hhi m atni
ghtmoreespeciall
ya
room thathasabathtub.Whatifwhoeverthatdoes
allthi
sthi
ngsiswatching?Theknockgoesdown
andIf i
nall
yrel
ax.
Pheeew he’
sgone.
PhodisocriesandIst artbreastfeedi
ngherandi nno
ti
meshe’ sbackt osleepakgmaansuchanangel
thisone.NowIcanf inall
ysleep.It’
ssohotinhere
soIlieont hebedwi thoutcov er
ingmy sel
fwiththe
blanket
.JustwhenIf inal
lycatchmysl eepIhear
thatsoftknockont hedooragai n.Ii
gnorei
tbutit
growsintol oudbangs.Whywoul dSechabarisk
wakinghismot herorwhat eversheistohim up?

“SechabaopenIknowy oureinher e.Isawyourcar

outside.Opent hi
sdoornow. ”It
’saf emalevoiceand
she’sbangingt hedoorsodamnhar dnow.She’ s
goingt owakePhodi soandev eryoneupatt her at
e
she’sgoing.Thismustbehi sgirlf
r i
endandmay be
shewast ol
dt heysawhi m withal adyandachi l
d.
ThisisPhalabor wabyt hewaysuchasmal ltown
whereev erybodyknowsy ourbusi ness.Wher edoes
sheget stheguar dst ochallengeaguyl ikeSechaba
l
ikethis?Sheshar esaliverwi t
hJesust hisone.
Ihearthedooropeni
ng.I
tsoundsl
i
ket
hedoorf
rom
nextdoor

“Whatthefuckareyoudoi
ngher
e?”Icanal
ready
pict
urehi
sf aceasshesay
sthat

“
Icamet
otal
ktoy
ou.
”

“
Howt
hef
uckdi
dyouf
indme?
”

“
Sechabapl
ease…”

“
Gett
hef
uckoutofher
e.”

“Iwi
ll
scream andwakey
ourgr
andmot
herupi
fyou
notwil
li
ngtotalk.
”

“
Whatt
hef
uckdoy
ouwantLet
ago?
”
Myheartstar
tsr
aci
ngagai
nasImov eclosert
othe
doort
olist
enwellt
othi
sconv
ersat
ion.
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#9

Ican’
thearany
thi
nganymore.Hell
notheybet
ternot
dothi
stome.OkIhearhertalki
ngnowIguessit
wassomecommer ci
albreak.

“
Youowemeanexpl
anat
ionandy
ouknowi
t.
”

Wowwhatacomebackbyt
hel
ovel
ydoct
or

“Idon’towey ouanythi
ng.Ei
ntlekwhothehelldoyou
thinkyouar ecomi ngtomygr andmother
’shouseat
night?Whot hehellt
oldyouI’
m here?Shapshap
wenay outhinkthi
swor l
drevolvesar
oundy ou.You
toldmet ost ayawayf r
om youIdidexactl
ythatso
whatdoy ouwantf rom me?”
“Iwantthet
ruth.Whydidyoutel
lmetogoAf
ri
can
Lil
lylodget
hatmor ni
ngandthever
ysameday
Geral
dwasf ounddead?”

Yesy
esy
esnowt
hisi
swhatIwantt
oheart
oo.

“
Gett
hef
uckoutofher
e.”

“Yougav emear oom numbert ogot oandt oldme

I’
m goingt ofindGer al
dwi t
hhispregnantgi rl
fri
end
andguesswhat ?Ididn’tevengoanyf urt
herIjust
stoodbyt hedoorandsawt woglassesandabot t
le
ofGor donsandt hewhol eroom wassmel li
ngof
cigarett
e’stheent i
rer oom wasat ot almessl i
kea
partywasgoi ngonandt herewasnoonei nsidesoI
turnedback.Iwentt orecept i
onwhenIgott herethe
l
adywasnotar ound.Iwai tedforsomet i
mef orher
togetbackandwhenshedi dIgavehersome
moneyj ustthankherf orlett
ingmei n.Doy ouknow
whatt hestrangepar tis?Ger al
dwasf oundatt he
exactroom y ousentmet o.”
Myv isiongetsblurr yathear i
ngt hisconf essi on.
What ?Soi fherversi onoft hestoryi sthet ruthit
meansshewast herej ustthetimeIwasi nt he
bathroom shockedatGer ald’
sbody .Hadshe
decidedt ogetinsideshewoul dhav efoundmewi th
him.Itmakessenset oturnbackf r om thewayshe’ s
explainingthoughbutwomenwej ustbor nwi th
someFBIski ll
sinsideofus.Youj ustcan’ ttur nback
soeasi lyyouwoul dgoi nsi
deandsear chf orsome
sortofal inkbutar etsishet r
ustedhermanIonce
tr
ustedhi mt oosoy eahguessi tmakessenset hen.

“
Okay
.”Her
espondssoundi
ngsocal
m

“
Okay
?Okayr
eal
l
ySechaba?I
sthatal
lyou’
regoi
ng
t
osay?”

“
Whatdoyouwantmetosay?DoIlookl
ikeI’
m
i
nter
est
edt
odiscussausel
essdeadman?.He’s
usel
essandhasalwaysbeenusel
esseveni
nthe
grav
ehe’ssti
l
lusel
essIbethecan’
tevenbea
hunti
ngghost.
”

“
Got
ohel
l
.”

“I
’
vealreadybeent
her
eandi
tswr
it
teny
ournameal
l
overi
t.
”

WowjustwowSechaba.I
’
m st
eal
i
ngt
hatl
i
nebr
oer
l
ol.

“
Iknowy
ouki
l
ledhi
m.”

“Kil
ledhimforwhat
?Fory ou?Younotworthi
tbut
thanksfort
hinki
ngsohighofme.I ’
ll
taket
he
compl i
mentnowpleaseleaveandpassbythepol
i
ce
stati
ononyourwayhomet orepor
tme.”
“Youkill
edMeshackt oocosyou’veal
waysbeen
j
ealousofourf ri
endshi
p.Youprobabl
ythoughtt
hat
nowt hatyougotr i
dofGeral
dmay behe’
sthe
possibl
er epl
acement.Youwantedtogetri
dofever
y
malecloset omesot hatyoucanhavemeback.”

Ihearhimlaughing.“Cany oupl easel eaveandnever

setyourfoothereagainunl essi fyou’recomingwith
thepoli
ce.Comet othi
nkofi ty oucoul dhavedoneit
yoursel
fandnowy ou’r
eouther et r
yingtoconv i
nce
yoursel
fandt r
yingtocleary ourconsci ence.It
wouldn’
tbet hefir
sttimewoul dn’tit
?Ormay behe
kil
l
edhimself.Itsuit
shim.”

Whooowhaaat
?Whatdoeshemeanitwoul
dn’
tbe
t
hefi
rstt
ime?I
’m st
il
lst
uckont
hatl
i
ne

“Nowonderwhyyourmot
herl
efty
ou.You’
renot
hing
butausel
essbast
ard.
”
Idon’
thearhi
mrespondi
ngt
othat

“Sisuselessjustl
i
keyourwhor
eofamot
herwi
th
kidsalloverandhasAids.
”

Ist
il
ldon’
thearanyr
esponse

“Nowondery ourbigbr
other,sist
erandfatherl
eft
youtoocosousel esseveny ourgrandmother
chasedyouherecossheshe’ sti
redofyourusel
ess
ass.Soonthatalbi
nosisterandbr ot
herofyours
withAidswil
ldisownyout oocost heywil
lfi
nal
lysee
youforwhoy ouare.Usel
esspi eceofshit
”

Whatdidbot hSechabaandGer al
dseei nthisgi
rl
?Is
thi
sthesamegi rl Geralddumpedmef or?Coswow
ri
ghtnowIf eell
ikewal kingtohisgr av
eandl aughat
hischoi
ce.Toev ent hinkIfeltsosmal land
worthl
essthefir
stt imeIl ai
dmyey esonher ?Imight
notbehavingaf latstomachl ikeherandhav ethat
spotl
essface,
haveadegreeanddri
vebutI
’
mreal
l
y
bett
erthanherinsomanythi
ngs.

Hesti
l
l doesn’
trespond.Nowthi
siswhatt
heymean
whentheysaysilencei
sgolden.

Idon’
thearanyvoi
cesany
moreIguessshemust
havel
eftwhenshefel
the’
snotpay
inganyat
tent
ion
toher
.

Imov ebackt obedconf usedasev erbutI’

vej
ust
l
earnedsomet hi
ngaboutSechaba.Hehadav er
y
roughchildhoodandj ustl i
kemehedoesn’ tknow
theloveofamot her
.If eelmyselfconnecti
ngtohim
i
nav erystr
ongway .Pai nhasawayofconnect i
ng
people.Iwonderwher ei shismot herandbythelook
ofthingsIdon’teventhi nktheli
tt
leboyknowsher .I
l
ookatPhodi soandst ruggletounderstandhowy ou
canhat eyourownchi ld.
I
’m st
ruggl
i
ngtofal
lasl
eepnowsoit’
snotso
di
ff
icul
ttoheart
heknockonthedoor

“
It
’smepl
easeopen.
”Hesay
sinav
eryl
owv
oice

Igot
oopenandhej
ustst
andsout
sidel
ooki
ngat
me

“
Whyar
eyouwomensocr
uel
?”

Idon’tknowi fhe’
sreferr
ingtohismotherorLetago.
SoIdon’ trespondIj
ustpullhim cl
osertomeand
hughi m.hedoesn’thugmebackbutIdon’ tl
etgo.
Hissmel li
ngofdaggasohewassmoki ng.He
probablysmokedaf tershelef
t.Ihughim more
ti
ghtl
yandt henonehandwr apsmeanot herone
fol
lowsandbef or
eIknowi the’
shuggingmeso
ti
ghtl
y
“
Leti
tal
lout
.Cr
y.”YesIl
ear
nedi
tfr
om hi
m

He’
sabi
thesi
tant

“
Beingamandoesn’ tmakey ouimmunef r
om
f
eeli
nganypai nandcr yi
ngaboutitdoesn’tmake
youweakeither.It
’sokaytocryforthoseal mosthad
moment sbecausei t
’ssti
l
lalosstoo.Cr yforthat
l
onghugy ouwi shedy ougotfr
om her ,
cryforthat
l
oveyounev ergotf r
om her.i
tdoesn’tmakey ou
weakit
’salossandi tswor t
hcryi
ngov erfor.Cry”

Iheart
hesni
ff
ing’
sandIst
artbr
ushi
nghi
sback

“
Don’
thol
ditback.Leti
tal
lout
.”

He’st
ryi
ngt
oholdi
tbackbutfai
l
ingdi
small
y.He
cr
iesyesar
eal
crywhil
eholdi
ngmesot i
ght
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#10

I’
mt urningandt ossingont hebedbecausewow
Phodisoi sactingup.She’ sdeterminedt odepr i
ve
meofsomesl eep.JustwhenIcl osemyey esshe
cri
esandIhav et ogetupandbr eastfeedher .She’
s
suchal itt
lemonst er.Shesleptthroughoutt heday
andnowt hatshecan’ tsleepatnightIhav et obeup
andent ertai
nher .NowIr eall
yunder standwhy
mother ’
smov einwitht hei
rdaughter ’
saftergivi
ng
bir
thcoswowi t’
sreallyhardtodot hisony ourown.

Shecri
esagai
nandIj
ustshov
emybr
easti
nsi
deher
mouth.

“
AowahlePhodi
songwanakarobal
ahl
e.I’
m so
t
ir
ed.
”Isayt
oherasifshecanhearmelol
Isweart
hissongwaswr
it
tenf
orPhodi
so:

Tsodiot
sodi
oboshegongwanoar
obal
eokar
eo
tshweny
akesepoko….

If
indmy
sel
flaughi
ngatmyt
hought
saboutt
hesong

“
Openthedoor
.”I
t’
sawhi
spercomi
ngf
rom t
he
wi
ndow.

Huh?WhydoIsingaboutghost
sandnowIheara
whisperont
hewindow?

Asoftknockandt
hewhisper
ingagai
n“I
t’
sme
pl
easeopenthedoor
.”

Ij
umpf r
om t
hebedwit
hPhodisosti
l
lsucki
ngmy
br
eastandgotoopent
hedoorforhi
m.
“Whatt
ooky
ousol
ong?
”Hesay
sashecl
osest
he
door

Jeezsuchdrama?HespeaksasifIkepthi
m waiti
ng
outsi
deformorethananhourworseli
kehewas
getti
ngcol
dandlaphoit
’ssohotoutsi
dehaisukahe
gotsomef r
eshai
r

HesnatchesPhodi
soawayf
rom meandsi
tsont
he
couchholdi
ngher.

“you’v
ebeenupalmostthewhol
eni
ghty
ouneedt
o
rest
.Sleep”Hecommands

Ilookathim puzzl
edbuthe’snotevenl
ooki
ngatme.
He’slookingdownatPhodisotry
ingtor
ockherback
tosleep.She’
snotevencryi
ngmxm suchat r
ait
or.
“Whyarey ounotsl
eepi
ng?Wal oyane?haaaay eso
moloinyanawenane?y esyou’
retheonecausingal
l
thi
sheatne? ”Hesayswhil
etouchinghersmooth
cheeks.

It’
sabeauti
fulsi
ghtt
owatch.I
’l
lrepeatt
hisagain
nothi
ngisascuteasamanthatadoreshischil
dand
i
nt hi
scasei
t’sevenmor
ecutercosit’
snotevenhis
chi
ld.

“
Huhkeeng?Ot
shweny
akesepoko?Huht
ell
me.
”

Iburstoutl
aughi
ngandhel
ooksatmel
i
keIhav
e
tot
allyl
ostmymind

“YouknowI ’
mlaughi
ngcosIthoughtofthatsongya
Tsodiotsodi
oboshegongwanoar obal
eekareo
tshwenyakesepokoandnowy oujustsai
dtheexact
samet hi
ng.”
Hejustlooksatmeandgoesbackt ogivePhodiso
theatt
ention.JeezSechabathatwasjustajokeand
i
twasapar twhereyouwer esupposedtolaugh.I
guesshe’sbackt omrserioussoletmejustli
eon
thebedandgetmymuchdeser vedrest
.

Ilookathi m holdingheronemor etimebefor eI

decidetocl osemyey es.Heloveskidsnodoubt
aboutit.Ithinkher aisedhissibli
ngshencet heli
ttl
e
boycal l
shim papa.It rytoopenmyey esbutthey
getheav i
erandheav i
erbythesecondandIj ustcan’t
keepthem openany mor esoIdr i
ftofftosl
eep.I’m
tell
i
ngy ousl eepf eelsli
keluxuryri
ghtnow.It’sl
ikeI
haven’tsleptiny ears.

Mywonder fulsl
eepi scutoffbysomeonepull
ingme
anddr aggingmeof ffr
om thebed.Iopenmyey es
cursingundermybr eathwhooooitsSechaba’
s
grandmot her.Allt
hel i
tt
lesl
eepIhadinme
disappearsinstantl
y
“
Omang?Whatdoy
ouwanti
nmyhouse?
”

“
MaOuIt
oldy
ouIcanexpl
aint
his.
”Sechabat
ri
est
o
t
alk

“
Wenashutup.
”Shesay
spoi
nti
ngathi
m wi
thher
f
inger

Il
ookont
hebedf
orPhodi
soandshe’
snott
her
e

“
Sechabawher
eismychi
l
d?”Iaskwi
thmyv
oice
t
rembli
ng

“
She’
ssaf
e.”Hesay
swi
thav
eryassur
ingv
oice

Justaftersay
ingthataladyIhaveneverseeninmy
enti
re19y ear
sofex i
stenceonthi
searthwalksin
carr
yingPhodiso.Shelookspeacef
ull
ysleepi
ng.I
l
ookatSechabaandhegi
vesmet
hatr
eassur
ing
l
ook.

“
Sechabawhoi
sthisladyandwhatisshedoi
ngi
n
myhouse?
”Thegrandmotherasks

“Mmeaker eItol
dyou…”Theladycarr
yingPhodiso
tr
iestotal
k.Ithi
nkthi
swholeconver
sationst
arted
waybef or
ejustt
hatIwasasleepandcouldn'
thear
anythi
ng

“YeyNt habi
sengshutupy ourmouthifyou’r
egoi ng
toplaymef orafool.Doyouguy st
hinkI’m afool?
Huh?I sitwri
tt
enfoolhere?”Shesayswhi l
eli
terall
y
spell
ingthewordfool onherfor
ehead.Ifi
twasn’ t
suchat ensesit
uati
onIwasgoi ngtolaugh.

“I
’
m notly
ingtoyouMme.Sheisal adyImetfrom
workandshehadnopl acet
ostaywithherchi
l
dand
Ij
ustcoul
dn’tl
ethergohawubathonghlemmeshe
i
scar
ryi
ngani
nnocentchi
l
d.”

“
Hai
maant
lohel
ahont
heet
sa.Way
akamang.
”

Okayshe’
snotPedi
?Cost
hat
’sTshwana

“Iknowt hi
slady.Shecameher ewi ththi
sonedur ing
theday .”Shesay spoint
ingatSechaba.“ Youj ustgot
back.Isawy ougetti
nginsideandy ouwal kedi nall
alone.”Sheshakesherheadandt ur nstoSechaba
“Wenadi dn’
tItel
lyounev ertosety ourfooti nmy
house?Soy oudecidedy ouwi l
ldisrespectmeby
comi ngher eandnotjustalonebutwi thgirl
sf rom
yourbr othel
s?Youbr i
ngingdemonsi nmyhouse
Sechaba?Youwantt oturnmyhousei nabr othel?I
wantt hisladygoner i
ghtnowdoy ouhearme?Kor e
Sechabaobat lahompol ayakapel o?Hav en'
ty ou
putmet hroughsomuchal ready?Thewhol et owni s
talki
ngaboutusandy ounotev enbot hered.”
“Oul adyshe’snotoneofmygi r
ls.She’sjustal adyI
metwhoneededhel p.Youcanconf ir
mt hiswi th
MangwaneMol tahwellIactuall
ymethert hrough
her.Hakekekaot heet
samme.I fshewasoneofmy
girl
swhywoul dIbr ingheriny ourhouse?Icoul d
havebookedahousef orher.youknowI ’l
lnev er
disrespectyoul ikethatandhowcanIgor ecruiti
nga
nursingmot her ?Youal waystaughtust ohelpout
peopl eandt hi
si sexactlywhatIdi d.Ididexact l
y
whaty outaughtusandIt ol
dy out ostop
entertaini
ngst upidrumor sIdidn’tdoallthoset hings
theyar esaying.”

“Yesthi
sist
ruemme.
”Thel
adyhol
dingPhodi
so
says

Theoldwomangi vesheraney eandshegoesqui te

whil
esuppressingal augh.Shelookslikeshe
doesn’
tli
ketakingthingstooseriouslythisoneandI
thi
nkIli
keher.Iwonderwhoshei s.Couldshebe
Sechaba’
ssister?ButLetagosaidsomet hingabout
thesist
erwalki
ngoutonhim.oneoft hegirl
s
workingforhi
m?Noshedoesn’ tl
iket
hatt ype.She
l
ooksl i
keasimplerur
algir
landshe’sstil
li
na
unif
orm.Iknowt hi
sunif
orm .i
t’
sthecleaners
unif
orm atMaphuthahospit
al

“Whatwouldhav ehappenedofusi fy
ouwer enot
aroundwhenshej ustdumpedy ouwithus?Youtook
usinandraisedus.Can’twedot hesameforher?
I’
m notsay
ingl eti
tbeforeverbutj
ustunt
ilsheget
s
backonherf eet.
”Hesay s

“Youtookmeintoommewi thmytwokidswhen
Thapeloupandl
eftandwebothknowanewmot her
needsallt
hehel
p.Shecan'
tdoitonherown”The
l
ady

“
thatist
otal
lydif
fer
entandy
ouknowINthabiseng.
Whereisyourmother?
”Sheasksl
ooki
ngstr
aight
i
nsidemyey es
“
Shechasedmeaway
.”

“I
’l
lneedt
oconfi
rmthi
s.Gobacktosleepal
lofy
ou
andwenaSechabaIst
il
lwantyououtofmyhouse.
”

Theybothl
aughatherasshewal
ksout
.Pheeew
thatwascl
ose

“
I’
ll
sleepi
nher
ewi
thy
ou.
”Thel
adysay
s

“
Oshapne.
”Sechabasay
swhi
l
elooki
ngatme.

it
smorethanthatgoodby
eshapitsact
ual
lythat
ki
ndofal
lisf
ixed,I
’v
egotyourbackki
ndashap.

Heleav
esandIcloset
hedoor.If
indt
hel
adysit
ti
ng
onthebedwit
hherarmsfol
ded,eyeswi
deopened
andmouthpouted
“
What
?”Iaskl
aughi
ng
“
Whati
sgoi
ngonbet
weent
het
woofy
ou?
”
“
Not
hing.I
’
vej
ustmethi
m wi
thi
naday
.”
“
Mmmm…Ar
eyougoi
ngt
obeoneofhi
sgi
rl
s?”
“
Me?Noohno.
”
“Oooohhhsohe’sjusthel
pingyouforfreenj
eeven
goingtot
heextentofbeggingmet oleaveworkj
ust
tocomeandcov erupforhim wit
hli
es.”

OkIdon’
tknowwhatt
osaynowhai
.Waphapha
mang

“
Howdi
dyoumeet
?”

Inar
rat
ethewhol
est
oryt
oherathowexact
lywe
met

“
Henev
ert
alksabouthi
smot
herev
er.I
’
m shocked
hement
ionedhert
odayy
ouknow.
”
“Maybehefoundsomecl
osur
e.Heki
ndofcr
ied
aboutt
helosswit
hme.”
“
Whaaat
?Youl
i
e.”

Itel
lherever
ythi
ng.Ei
shnowI ’
mthephaphingone.I
wasnotsupposedt oshar
ethatne?Iblamethisl
ady
she’
sjustsoeasytotalkt
o.Iswearshe’smylong
l
ostfri
end.

“
That
’ssounl
i
kehi
m hey
.He’
smybrot
heri
nlawbut
I
’
m scar
edofhimi
nawayandwor
sehe’sy
ounger
t
hanmyman.”
“
Brot
heri
nlaw?
”
Shel aughs“Wel l
ImetThapelowhi l
ewewer eboth
sti
l
l athighschool.Theyhadjustmov edinhereat
Phalaborwafrom Lephalalewheretheirgr
andmother
l
ostherj obasamai d.Shecamet otrythi
ngsout
herebecauset herearemines,Krugernati
onalpar
k
andy esofcour seyouknowallthelodgesaround
here.Sobasi cal
lywhentheycameher etheyhad
nothing.Itwasj ustThapel
p,Sel
lo,Glor
y,Misoand
Thabowasj ustababy.Theylit
eral
lyhadnothing.I
metThapel owhenhecamet oaskmef orapol
ogy
andnott or eportSechabatomypar entsaft
erhe
stol
est ufffrom ourspazashop.”ShelaughsandI
j
oinherl aughi ng
“
Sechabast
ole?
”
“Yes.Hai hehasalwaysbeennot ori
ousthatone.He
camei nsidewithakni
feandt hreat
enedtokillmeifI
shout.Hecommandedmet ocloset heshop.Iwas
soscar edmxm i magi
neget t
ingscar edcosofsuch
ay oungboy .Hetooksomanyt hingsandwhenI
wentt oreporthi
mt ohisgrandmot hertheywereso
shockedcoshehadl i
edtot hem arehegott hem
from church.Churchj
ustimagi ne.”

Wel
aughagai
nbef
oreshecont
inueswi
tht
hest
ory

“
Anyway
sIwassoangr
yandt
oldt
hem I
’
m goi
ngto
t
ell
myparent
sandwegoi
ngt
ogethi
mreport
edso
thebrothercamet omeandapol ogi
zed.Iknewhim
from schoolhewasv er
yint
ell
igentandnnaaww
shamenekel edomkopy aModimo.Heof feredt
o
helpmewi t
hmyschool workeverydayinexchange
tosav ehi
slitt
lebrother
.Wellwegotv er
ycl osef
rom
thenlikeveryclose.”

Icanseeherbodyisherewithmebuthermindisso
farawayasshestart
stalki
ngaboutt
hebrot
her.Her
faceispai
ntedwi
thnothingbutl
ove

“Istar
tedsteal
ingstuf
ffrom homet ogivehi
m and
thekids.Iwasgoodwi t
hdoi nghairsoIwoulddo
hairandbuystuffforhi
m andt hekids.Mme
disapprovedofourrel
ati
onshipbutIwast hebr
ead
winnersoshehadnochoi cebuttoloveme.”

ShelaughsandIjoini
nthel
aught
er.She’
ssucha
goodstoryt
eller
.I’
mreal
lyv
ibi
ngwithherl
ikewear
e
ser
iousl
ygell
ing
“Mmef oundaj obintownasamai dforthiswhi t
e
couple.Thapelowentt her ewi t
hheronedayand
happenedt oassi
stthei rsonwi thmat hsandt hey
l
ikedhi mf rom t
hatdayandt ookhi mt oapr ivate
school sintown.Iwasal readypr egnantwi t
hourf ir
st
bornt hattime.Mypar ent sf orcedmet oabor tsaying
Ican’thav eachil
dwi t
hapoorboybutIr efusedand
theychasedmeawaysot hat’showIendedupher e.
Mmet ookmei nandhel pedmer aisethechild.I
tri
edtogobackt oschool butIjustkeptonf aili
ng.I
fel
lpregnantagai nwhenThapel owasdoi nghi s
mat r
ic.Neowasj ustt
hr eet hen.Wehadadaught er
Reagile.aftermatri
chewentt ost udykoCapet own.
Keengt hisfamousuni v ersity?”
“UCT.Odom monethu.
”Isayl
aughi
ngandshejoi
ns
i
n.Shelovescal
l
ingmemonethusoIalsogott
he
hangofit
“Mxm adom thatj
ustsav
edy
ourar
se.Youwoul
dbe
att
hestreetnow”

Wehi
ghf
iveandl
aughatwhatj
usthappenedwi
th
t
hegr
andmot
her

“Soev ersi
ncehewentt herehestoppedcomi ng
backhomeandt hatwasit.He’
smar ri
ednowwi t
h
somel adyonhislevel
.He’sthoseguyst hatbui
l
ds
thebridgesandtowns.Mxm bui l
dingthem but
fai
li
ngt obuil
dhi
sr el
ati
onshipwithmej ust
i
magi ne?”Sheshakesherhead

Haithi
sladyi
sfunny
.Ilaughatbuil
dingt
hebri
dges.
Ithi
nkshe’sj
ustt
ooscaredtopronouncethewor
d
engi
neer

“Iresearchedwher ehestay sandyeycausedsome

seriousv onyokoheyIwascr azyt
hatti
melikeIjust
couldn’tacceptthathel
eftmef orsomeoneelse.I
foundhi m withnounderwearandr oll
onwat seba
mar aIwoul dstealmoneyj usttobuythem f
orhim.
Mxm y ouknowwhathedi d?”
“
What
?”Iask
“Cal
l
edthepol
i
ceonme.Igotarr
est
edmonet
huand
kaphar
iwakaprot
ect
ionor
der
”
“Monet
huhawu.
”
“Ivi
olateditnnaandIwassavedbySechaba.Ij
ust
coul
dn’tacceptthati
twasoveryer
rr”Shel
aughs

Wowshehasbeent hroughsomuchbutshet el
l
s
thestoryinsuchhumor.Thi
smakesmer eal
ize
exactlywhatIsai
dbefore,Weareall
noti
mmunet o
pain.Iguessthi
sist
hebr ot
herLet
agowastalki
ng
about.

“ButyouknowwhatI ’
m notgivi
nguponhi m.I’l
lseat
hereandwaitforhi
m.whenhe’ sti
redofeatingice
cream wit
htoothpi
ckhewillfi
ndmeher eandI ’
ll
cookhim papwithmashonjethataresofullherein
Phalabor
wa.Mxm any waythatmamogot apudi that
eatscucumbersandlemonwat erhasbewitchedhi m.
soonhewi l
lseetheli
ghtandcomet ome. ”
“
Bat
hongy
ouact
ual
l
yst
il
lwai
ti
ngf
orhi
m?soy
ou’
ve
nev
erdat
edev
er?
”
“
No.I’m wai
ti
ngformymanheneedst
ofi
ndi
tal
l
t
ightandjui
cy.
”
“Bat
hongmonethu.Whoev
erhasbewi
tchedy
oui
s
nolongeral
i
ve.
”

Shewavesherhandandlaughs.She’
ssuchawhol
e
vi
beandItot
all
yloveher
.

“Sommegotv erysi
ckafterThapeloleftt
hef ami
ly
andstart
edactingli
kewenotgoodenoughf orhi
m.
i
treall
yaffect
edhersobadwenear lylosther.
Sechabahadt omanupandt akecareofus.Itwas
myselfandmyt wokids,hisoldersi
sterwithherown
twokidsthenMi soandThato.”

Thismustbetheol
dersi
stert
hatl
oudmout
hwas
tal
kingabout
“
Wher
eist
hesi
ster
?”
“Shejustupandl
eftwi
thsomeSomal
i
anman.I
don’tbl
ameherthepover
tywast
oomuch.
”
“
Sechaba’
smot
her
?”
“Whatabouther
?”Sheasksl
ooki
ngr
ather
uni
nter
ested
“
Whathappenedt
oher
?”
“Idon’
tknowher .appar entlysheonl ycamebackt o
dumpt heki
dsandl eft
.Ot herkidst heirf
athertook
them nnaIdon’tknowt hem Ijusthear dfrom
Thapelowhenwewer est i
llhoneymooni ng.They
havenev erseenherev ersinceshedr oppedof f
Thato.Sheisaheav ydr inkerandj ustwonder s
aroundwi t
hmen.I t
’ssosadcosshe’ smme’ sonly
chil
dy ouknowt i
llt
hisdayshest i
l
l prayseverynight
forhersaferetur
n.Shet ri
edt ogetSechabat ol ook
forherbuthe’snothear ingit.Hewant snothi
ngt o
dowi t
hherl i
kehejustdoesn’ tcareifshe’ssti
llali
ve
ordeadandy oucan’treallyblamehi m.Hehat esher
thesamewayhehat esmymanhahaha.Theyar e
bothdeadt ohim.”
Ithi
nkshehasalwayswant edtot alkaboutthiswi
th
someone.Icanreal
lytel
lshewant edto.Wellshe
hasfoundaveryint
erest
edl i
stenerandI ’
m not
l
etti
nganythi
nggointowast e

“
SoLet
ago?
”
“
Mxm nowyou’r
erui
ningtheni
ght
.Whatabouther
?
wher
edoyouknowherfrom?”
“
Shecameher
ethi
sev
eni
ng.
”
“Camewher e?Here?Sist
hener
ve.Ihopehebeat
thecrapoutofher.whuuushej
ustgetsonmy
nerv
esmxm goi ngaroundl
ooki
ngli
keacorpse.
”
“
Haaamonethu.
”I’
mtryi
ngtoactl
ikeshesounds
r
udebutdeepdownI’
m enj
oyi
ngthisl
ol.Whuushe
j
ustget
sonmynerves
“
What?Shel ooksl
ikeadeadper
soninsi
deacoffi
n.I
t
hinkshe’susi
ngthesamemakeuptheyareusi
ngat
t
hemor tuar
y.”

Il
aughandIcanseeherangersuppr
essi
ngabi
tas
shej oi
nsmel aughi
ng.Letagoj ustlovestoomuch
makeup.I ’
m nottoosureifshe’ sli
ghtskinnedorits
toomuchmakeupbuty esshe’ sthosegirlsthat
neverleavesthehousewi thoutmakeupandwi gs.I
wonderhowshewasmour ningf orGeraldcosI
doubtshewoul dletanyoneseeherwi t
houtmakeup
aretsiIguessthatt
imet hepai nwaswayt oodeep
andl ookswerenotimpor t
ant .Bodywi seletsme
j
ustsayshel ookslikesher eall
ywor kshar dtokeep
thatshapeIdoubtshet ouchesanyj unk.

“
Whathappenedt
othem?
”
“
Sheusedt
owor
kforhi
m.”
“
Whaaat?”Ichangemysi
tt
ingposi
ti
onj
ustt
ohear
t
hisonewell
“Yes.Sechabapi ckedupallthesegirl
sfrom t
he
streetandgott hem toworkforhim.Hegott hi
s
otherstreetwiseauntoftheirswhoi sashebeen
queent otransformthem.Shegav ethem acomplet
e
makeov erandt urnedthem around.Heheheyou
shouldseeher .SheleftBotswanabef or
ethem and
camet
hissi
de.
”

Ilaugh.Iknowt hisisausiMolly.Youcanjustsee
she’sstreetwiseandherdr essingstyl
ebutIwon’t
ment i
onhernamecost hestorywill
nowdr agcos
she’l
lwantt odiscusshersoIkeepqui etandlist
en.
Andoooht heyareor i
ginal
lyf
rom Botswana?Now
thatSetswanaexpl ainsevery
thing

“Hefeltmenpaymor eforasmar tl
ookingladythan
l
adieswhost andatt hestreetbutbetweeny ouand
meIj ustthi
nkitwasmor eaboutensur i
ngt heyare
safeandget t
ingenoughf orhav i
ngsexf ormoney
notjustpurepleasureorbuildi
nganyr elat
ionship.
Hehast hatprotecti
vebigbr ot
hersideinhim whi ch
i
swhyI ’
m notshockedtoseey ouinhere.Thatist he
SechabaIknow. ”

I
’mlooki
ngathersmili
ng.Isawhowt hegi
rl
satthat
housewheresohappytoseehim andhowfuri
ous
hewaswiththatonegett
ingabusedbytheboy
fri
end
andtheotheroneondrugs.Wher
ewasheany ways?
OkayI’
ll
asklaterIdon’
twantt
oint
err
uptt
hisstor
y

“Soyeshet r
ansformedAusi Mol l
y’sjointint
oani ce
dri
nkingspotandputhi sgi r
lst heresoy athat’
show
thewholemov ementthingst arted.Butt heydomor e
thansleepi
ngwi t
hment heyst ealforhim.Heuses
them totargettheseri
chf or
ei gnnat ionalswhov isi
t
theKruger.Theyactlikethey ’
reont heclockbut
drugsthem andst ealalotfrom t hem.Hel eftko
AusiMol l
yIdon’ tknowwher eheoper atesnow
though.”

IknowandI
’
m notgoi
ngt
otel
lhert
hisone

“Sot hatcorpsef
ailedatschool andherbursarycut
herof f.Shewastooscaredt otellt
heparentscosI
thinktoomuchwasexpect edf r
om hersoshe
startedwor ki
ngforNati
ont omakemoneyt opayf or
herfeessoy est
hat ’
showt heymetandf el
l i
nlove.
Ofcour seshest
oppeddoi ngclocksandhet ook
careofherhi mself.Paidforherfeesandgav eher
everyt
hingshewant ed.Whenshef i
nishedschool
andstartedwor kingshel ef
thimf orsomef amous
pastor’
sboy .Theboyi sdeadnowt houghSechaba
deniesitbutIthinkher eall
yhadsomet hi
ngtodo
withhisdeath.Ihopeheki l
lshertooy ouknowcos
hi
sl i
fehasjustnev erbeent hesameev ersi
ncehe
brokeupwi thher .
”
“
Howso?
”
“Hej ustbecomev er
yobsessedwi
thherl
i
kehej
ust
didn’twanttoacceptthebr
eakupwhi
chiswhyI
thinkhekill
edthatboy.”
“
SopeopleknewLet
agoasmi
sshol
yhol
ywhi
l
eshe
wasnot
?”
“Yep.Ihopehewon’
tgobacktoherIpr
ayhemov es
onandf i
ndsagir
lhewil
ltr
ulyl
ovecosSechabacan
real
lylov
ewhenheloveshelov
eshardandtherei
s
nothi
nghewon’tdoforhi
swomanImeanabsol ut
ely
nothi
ng.”
“
Whydi
dkokochasehi
m away
?”
Shel
aughsf
ir
st“
Mmei
sjustbei
ngdr
amat
icwel
l
she’
sast aunchChr
isti
an.Shedoesn’ttake
nonsensesosomer umorsstart
edgoi ngaroundt
hat
ever
yladySechabahooksupwi thdi
essoIt hi
nkt
hat
wasthelaststrawf
orhershebannedhi mfrom
comingherebutsheloveshim waytoomuchshe
wasjustbeingastr
ictmothert
hat’
sal l
.”
“
Butdot
heyr
eal
l
ydi
e?”
“i
t’
sjuststupi
drumor s.Youknowbl ackpeoplethey
j
ustassociatewit
chcrafttoany thi
ng.Theydi e
becauseitwastheirti
met odienotbecausehehad
anythi
ngtodowi thitanditwasnev erproventhathe
waswi tht
hem andwel lhewasst i
llwit
ht hatcor
pse
whent hewholerumor sstart
edandonet hi
ngIcan
tel
lyouisthatSechabadoesn’ tcheat.Sowena
monethut el
lmeabouty ourself.Whatbringsy ou
hereandwhyar eyouwi thoutahome?
Istartt
ell
i
ngheraboutwhoIam andt
hechal
l
enges
Ifacedinmyli
fe.
Si
xmot
hsl
ater
….
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#11

I’
m sitti
ngatt hemi r
roradmiringthi
sladyI’ml ooki
ng
atyest hi
sl adyismy self
.Ican’thel
pitbutsmi leat
my selfasIr efl
ectbackwher eIcomef rom and
wher eI’
m atnow.I fsomeonehadt oldmeI ’
llbeat
myhappi estsixmont hsbackt r
ustmeIwoul dhav e
sentthem st rai
ghttoapsy chiatr
ichospit
alforsome
ment alev al
uati
on.

LikeMmeal wayssay st ous“ All

thingswor koutf
or
thegoodtothem t hatlovestheLor d.”Shewoul d
l
ookatmeev erydayst rai
ghtinmyey esandsay
“Masechabaallthingswor koutf orthegood.Not
somebutALL.Notgoodt hingsnotbadt hi
ngsbut
ALL.”I
tdidn’
tmakemuchsensewhensheusedt o
sayitdur
ingthef i
rstfewweeksofst ayingherebut
ri
ghtnowi tt
otall
ymakessense.I tt
ookr ej
ecti
onby
myownmot hertogai nanewl ovebycompl ete
st
ranger
swhom Ir
egar
dasmyf
ami
l
y.

Reject
ionbyGer
aldohmayhi
ssoulcont
inuet
orest
i
npower ,t
omeetawonder
ful
guyi
nSechaba.Mme
hasshownmesomuchl ov
eyouwouldswearshe
gavebi
rthtome.

Nt habisengismor el
ikeasi stertome.Mmecal l
s
usherGodgi vendaughters.Sechabawear el
ikea
catandmousewhuuuhej ustgetsonmyner v
esat
ti
mesbutIt ot
all
yador ehim wellact
uall
ymorethan
thatthoughIhat eadmitt
ingi t
.Thekidsaaahmanl et
mej ustsayPhodi sohasbi gbrother
sandsist
ers.

I
’m att otal peaceri
ghtnowandwhatgi vesme
peacei st hatit’
sbeenawhol esixmonthsand
nothinghashappenedt oSechaba.Outofallthe
ment hatdi esinmyl i
fehe’
stheoneI ’
m moreclose
tobutnot hinghashappenedt ohim soI’
m start
ing
tothinkmay beitwasjustt
heirt
imet odi
eandmy
presencei ntheirl
iv
eshadnot hi
ngtodowi ththeir
deat
h.I
’m exper
iencingMannaf rom heavenandI
don’
twanttorui
nany t
hingbyoverthi
nkinganymor
e.
Thewholeseri
alkil
lerthinghasdiednowandpeople
movedtothenexttopic.

“Iknewity
oulit
tl
ewit
ch.
”Shesaysstandi
ngbyt
he
doorframest
icki
nghert
ongueoutatme.

whendidsheevengether
e?Ididn’
thearher
comingi
n.Thi
sfamil
yandknockingi
sbigenemi
esI
haveal
sojoi
nedthedr
il
l

“
What?”Ishoutt
ryi
ngt
osoundabiti
rr
it
atedwhi
chI
f
ail
dismall
yandenduplaughi
ng

“Youbusysor
ti
ngy oursel
foutcosy
oudon’twant
himtoseeyoulookingli
keanuglyr
ural
gir
lthaty
ou
are.
”
Il
aughout.“
I’
m waybett
erthanyout
hat
’swhyt
hey
l
eftyouf
orabeauti
fulci
tygi
rl.
”

“He’
scomingbacksoonwenajustwat
chandsee.
”
Shesayswit
hherhandonherhip

“
Nohe’
snot
.”Mmeanswer
s

Whendi dshegetinher e?Thereisjustnopr ivacyin

thi
splace.I
’mtell
i
ngy out heywill
ev enopent he
bathr
oom doorwheny ou’r
ebusydoi ngnumbert wo
andstartaconversat
iononl yt
ocompl ai
nt hatits
smell
ingsobadandl eav e.Yesthat’
smyf amily
bond.

“Nt
habi
sengwhenar
eyougoingtoseent
ateMol
efe?
Doyouwanttogr
owoldal
one?”

Isuppr
essmyl
augh.Mmehasbeent
ryi
ngt
ohook
upNt habisengwit
hsomeol dwi dowerfrom her
church.Themani saretir
edprincipal
andthewi f
e
wasanur se.Hi
skidsareall
grownandmov edoutof
thehousesommesay stheoldmani slonel
yand
l
ookingf orawife.

“
HaiMmedon’
tst
artwi
thme.
”Shesay
str
yingt
o
l
ookangr
y

“Youwil
l l
ov ehi
m hlengwanake.He’
sGodf eari
ng
andwillsurelyt
reatyouri
ghtkanamyheartwillbe
ateaseifyouar etakenbyhimthanthi
suseless
youngst
er swhoj ustwantsexanddon’
tbel
ievein
commi t
ment .”

“
Mmekemosadi
waThapel
onna.
”

“
Whenl astdi
dyouseehim?”Iasksti
l
lsuppr
essing
mylaugh.She’
ssogoingtoki
llmefornotsi
ding
wi
thher
“YesaskherwenaMasechaba.Nt habiIjustdon’t
wantyout owasteyourli
fewait
ingforsomet hi
ng
thatmightneverhappen.Kenengngwanakeo
emetsiThapelo?Hehasmov edonwi thhisli
feyou
needtodot hesame.”

Shecal
lsmeMasechaba.Herreasonsaremyname
i
ssolonganddoesn’tmakeanysense.Asif
Masechabai
snotlonglol
butIlovei
tIactual
l
ylov
e
i
tmorethanMadzaleni
.

“Wit
hanol
dmanwamaf
ere?Shuuu.
”Shecl
apsher
hands

“
Hai
Nthabi
keMannaf
rom heav
en.
”Mmesay
s
“Monet
huisrefusi
ngMannafr
om heav
ennextthi
ng
shewil
lcomplaint
hatGodnev
eranswersher
.”

“
Yest
ell
her
.”Mmebacksmeup
Thisi
sourfav
or i
tewordinthehousewheneverwe
descr
ibesomethinggood.“
Mannaf r
om heav
en”

“Mmekgant hewhyareyougangi
nguponme?What
aboutherandSechaba?
”

“
Westil
lsor
ti
ngyouthebi
gsi
sterhaker
eyoumust
l
eadbyexample.
”Shesay
s

“Fi
neI’
l
lgoandseehi
mtoday
.I’
m notwor
kingke
off
.”

Wej
umpupanddowni
nexci
tement

“I
’l
lhel
pyouchooseanout
fi
t.
”IswearIl
i
vet
oannoy
her

“
Andwenal
eSechabawhati
sgoi
ngon?
”Mmeasks
Okt
hespot
li
ghti
sonmenowandi
t’
ssonotni
ce

“He’
smybrotherhai
leav
emeal
one.
”Ishr
ugmy
shoul
der
str
yingtowalkout

Nt
habi
pull
smyhandbacki
nsi
dej
ustasI
’
m maki
ng
mywayout

“
Leav
emeal
one.
”Ishout

“
Phodi
soi
sol
dnow.wheni
ssheget
ti
ngasi
bli
ng?
”
Mme

Mmebat hong.Fewmonthsbackshewasbusy
tell
ingmehowshedoesn’ twantt
oseeSechaba
sleepingi
nsidemyroom howshewi l
lchaseusbot h
awaysay ingsheneedsawhiteweddingfi
rstbut
nowshe’ saskingmethi
s?Mxm oldagenev erlov
ed
her
“Ar
ey oureadyt
ogo?
”Sechabasay
sfr
om t
he
out
side.

Whyisheaskingmet
hat
?Lastt
imeIcheckedwe
wer
enottal
king.

“
Yesshe’
sready
.”MmeandNt
habi
bot
hrespondat
t
hesametime

Igi
vet
hem anugl
yfaceandwal
kout

“Whyi
sheangr
y?”Nt
habi
whi
sper
sinsi
demyearas
Imakemywayout

“
He’ssul
kingcossomeguywal kedmebackhome
whenIwenttotheki
d’sschool
meetingy
ester
day
.
I
magine?
”
“
Ncaaasweetmaan.
”

Ipul
laf
aceandpushherhar
d

“Pl
easedon’tf
orgettomakesof
tporri
dgeformme.I
for
gottoputthemilkinsi
det
hefr
idgeyest
erday
.I
packediti
nthecardboardwi
tht
herestofthest
uffI
got.
”

Mmeonl ytakesgoatmi lk.Sof

tporri
dgewi t
hgoat
milkhel pspr eventherstomachcrampsi nthe
mor ningaf t
ert hatwegivehermor ni
ngmedi cati
on.
I
’mt heonewhonor mall
ymakest hatforherwhile
maki ngt heki dslunchboxestoschool.Evenwhen
Nthabi sengi sofforworkingnight
shif
tIstil
lpref
er
t
odoev erything.
Istr
apPhodisoonhercarseatandmakemywayt o
thefr
ontseat.Wearegoingforthesixmonths
i
mmuni zat
iontodayatt
hehospital.I
t’
sst
il
lvery
earl
ycosIwantedtoarr
ivethereinti
mecosi t
sget
s
sopacked.Yest er
dayIhadaskedSechabat otake
met hereandhesai dIshoul
dtell
myboy fri
endt o
takeme.hegotmadwhenhemetmeatt hestreet
withsomeguyImetonmywayhomef r
om theki ds
schoolmeet i
ng.Heinstr
uctedmet ogeti
nsidet he
carandt ol
dtheguyhewi llr
unhim of
fwiththecar .
Sohe’sal l
madwi thmeev ersi
ncethati
ncidentI’m
actual
lysurpri
sedhe’sheretot
akemet ot he
hospit
al.

Justashest ar
tsthecarPhodi sostart
scrying.I
knowshewant shimt ocarryher
.Shehast hisli
tt
le
crushonhimt hat’
sget ti
ngsoannoy i
ngnow.i tused
tobecuteatf i
rstbutrightnowit’
sreall
yannoy i
ng
cosgir
ljustcri
esf orhisatt
enti
onalltheti
me.

“
Bri
ngherher
e.”Hei
nst
ruct
sme
“Butyou’
regoi
ngtodri
ve.Justletherbeshewil
l
eventual
l
ykeepqui
te.Youcan’tdri
vewhil
eholdi
ng
her.
”
Hegivesthatlook.Thatl
ookt hatonlyhecangive.I
call
ittheSechabalook.I
t’
sanal linonekindoflook.
It
’sscary,
itspoi
sonous,it
’saddict
ive,i
tshypnot
izi
ng
andsuchamannaf rom heaven.

“
I’
m notbringi
ngherint
hefrontSechabaandi
ts
f
inal
.”Isaylooki
ngathi
m befor
eturningmyey
esto
t
heroad

Onet hingIhav elearnedwi thSechabaov erthepast

fewmont hsisthaty ouneedt ost andy ou’reground
withhi m.He’ sacont r
olfreakandheknowshehas
thisinti
mi datingsidebynat uresoIhadt olearnt o
puthi mi nhi splace.Trustmei twashar datf i
rstbut
nowImakei tcl
earI ’
m notaski nghi m any thi
ngI ’m
actuallyinforminghi m.Liket hef actthatI ’
m goingt o
startwor kingatt heday carecent ernowt hat
Phodi soisol denough.Theyact ual l
yofferedmet he
j
obwhent heysawahugei mpr ov ementonThat o.
Hewasf i
v ebutst i
llst
rugglingwi thsomanyt hings.
WhatIl i
keaboutt hejobist hatI’l
l betakingPhodi so
wi
thme.Sechabai
snothappyandr
efusest
oev
en
di
scussi
t

Iheart
hesoundoft
heengi
neroari
ngandyesI’
ve
won.Iwon’
tbebul
li
edbyPhodi
soandSechabanna.
AahmanI ’
vegr
ownsomuchov ert
hepastsi
x
monthsshame

Ifitwasn’ tf
orPhodisoIknowhewoul dbedrivi
ng
sowi ldandIki ndoflikethesoundofhi scarwheni t
goesf ast .Hedrivesasil
verJeepwr anglertr
immed
withbl ackl i
nesunderneathboyt hecarcanmov e
andi tturnsheads.Hehasper sonal i
zedit“IKNOW” .
Thisonet imewhenhewasdr unkIaskedhi m why
thatandhi sanswerwas“ Iknowt hatsomany
peopl eadmi rethecarsoI ’
m actuallymakinga
statementwhenIpassandt heygol ikeohmywor d
thiscari sbeautif
ul,t
hiscarisfastIj ustmaket hem
read“ IKNOW. ”YesIoncet oldyouhe’ sgotthis
cockiness
West andi
ngbythestopsi
gnwhenagr oupofdr
unk
boyspass.Iheart
hem whi
stli
ng“Aaahdi
ekar
di
antsha.AahThiscarmanjustl
ookatit
.”

Hedr
ivessl
owlyandy
esI
’
m sur
enowt
heyar
e
r
eadi
ngthat“
IKNOW”

Wearri
veatthehospi
tal
wit
houtsay
ingawor
dto
eachot
her.

“Motheroft
heNat
ion.
”Hesay
sjustasI
’
m aboutt
o
openthedoor

Idon’tturntol
ookathim cosI’mt ryi
ngtohidet
he
smilethathasformedonmyf ace.Onlyhecancall
met hatandIfeelli
kethereal
mot heroftheNat
ion.
Hemakesmef eell
ikeI
’mthef i
rstladyandIown
thi
sNat ion.
“
Don’tgoaroundtal
ki
ngt
oguy
smor
eespeci
all
y
t
hesedoctorsher
e.”

I’
m stil
lnotl ookingathim cosr ightnowIf eell
i
ke
myf acei sgoingt ocrackfrom al lt
hissmi l
i
ngand
blushing.Hest artedacti
ngl ikethisaboutt hree
mont hsbackandIusedt ot hinkhewasj ustacting
l
ikeabi gbr otherunti
lMmeandNt habi start
ed
planti
ngt hesei deasi
nmyheadt hathehas
somet hingformeandIbl amet hem r eall
ycosI ’
m
start
ingt ofeelsomet hi
ngf orhimt oo.

Idon’tanswerhi m.Igoaheadandopent hedoor

thengost r
aighttogetPhodishoandgr abherbaby
bag.WhenI ’
m doneIwal kov ertohi
sdoorandhe
openst hewi ndow.Yeshe’ snott her
omant i
ctypeof
openingt hedoorf oryou,walkinghandsinhands
andal lthatstuf
fy ouseeinmov i
esbuthewi l
lmake
youf eelli
key oucanditchallthosethi
ngsandset tl
e
forthecompoundguyhei s.Hehasway sofmaki ng
upfort hat
“I
’l
lcat
chataxibackhome.”Isay.DeepdownIdon’
t
wanttocat
chat axiIwanthimtowaitformebuthe
hateswai
ti
ngwithapassion.Hesulkswhenwego
shoppi
ngandgetsoundeci dedandwasteti
me.
Suchatypi
calman

“Call
mewheny ou’
reaboutt
ofini
shandifI
’m
aroundI
’
llcome.I
fnottaket
histogethome.
”

Het akesoutar ol
lofmoneyandputi tinsidemy
hand.Hegi vesoutmoneyl ikei t’
sgoingouton
fashion.Iusedtobeshyatf i
rstbutnowIt akeit.I
l
ov emoneyandI ’m doneact ingl i
keIdon’ tcare
aboutmoney .Iwonderwher et hosegirlswhoget
angrybecauseaguygav ethem moneycomef rom.
ThisiswhatIcal lMannaf r
om heav en.Dopeopl e
actuall
yexpectt oseebr eadf lowingf r
om heav en?
Not hisisactual
lythemi raclesofGody esI’mtel l
i
ng
youGodi ssti
lli
nthebusi nessofper forming
miracles.Havey ouev erseenal ocaltaxifarefor
morethan5k?ev
enuberdoesn’
tcostmor
ethant
hat
baby
.

Iputt
hemoneyinsi
det
hebagandhet
ouches
Phodi
so’
shandandwemakeourwayt
othehospi
tal
.

Whi
l
eI’
m si
tt
ingont
hequeIdeci
det
otexthi
m

Me:Thanky
oufort
akingmetot
hehospi
tal
.You
suchaMannaf
rom heaven

Hecallsimmediatel
yaftert
hetext
.Henev er
respondstotext
s.Youwi l
lbepouri
ngall
your
emot i
onsoutonat extandhewill
call
you
i
mmedi at
ely
.

“
Arey
oui
nyet
?”That
’st
hef
ir
stt
hinghesay
s.
Heli
kessay i
ngtheopposit
eofwhatyoutext
edonl
y
t
omentionitinhi
sdrunkenstat
ewhenyouhav e
t
otal
l
yforgott
en.Hewillgoli
ke“Whatdi
dyousayon
t
hesmst hatday?”

“
Noty
et.Guesswhat
?”

“
What
?”

“
Iseey
ourgi
rl
fr
iendLet
ago.
”

“
Youdi
dn’
thav
etoy
swhi
l
egr
owi
ngupne?
”

Il
augh“
Keeng?
”

HejusthungupandIcont
inuel
aughing.Shestops
walki
ngwhenshespotsme.Shetri
edt ot
alktome
overt
hepastfewmonthsbutIt
oldherstrai
ghtI
havenot hingt
osaytoher .Itol
dSechabashei s
harassingmeandev ersinceshej ustthr
owsme
nastylookswheneverwemeet .Idon’twantanyt
hing
thatwillsetmeback.Ihav egrownsomuchov erthe
pastsixmont hsandnotev enLetagocanmakeme
rel
apse.

Shepassbutdeci
dest
owal
kbackt
ome.si
gh

“
Hel
l
o.”Shesay
“Hi
.”Isaywhi
l
ebusytypi
ngonmyphone“
Monet
huI
havesomegossi
p.”Thet
exti
ssent

“Ihaveapat
ienti
nher
ethatIt
hinky
oumightbe
i
nterest
edtosee.
”Shesayswi
thafil
ebur
iedonher
chest.
“
Me?
”Iask

“
Yesy
ou.
”Sher
esponds
Af
terTheDar
kCl
ouds

#12(
Longbutnotedi
ted.Wasf
eel
i
ngv
eryt
ir
edso
pl
easeexcuseanyer
rors)

I'mt r
yingt ot hi nkwhoshecanber ef
erringt obut
mymi ndi sj ustbl ank.Thereisnooneofi nterestin
hereforme.I fIwasatPol okwaney esIwoul dt hi
nk
may beshe’ sr eferri
ngt osomeoneIknowbutt hisi
s
Phalabor waandIdon’ tknowany oneexceptf ormy
Godgi v enf ami lyandl astti
meIcheckedt heywer e
allperfect l
ywel lwhenIl ef
thomesoIt hinkt hisone
i
sjustpl ayingsomemi ndgameswi thme.If oldmy
armsandgi vehert hatlookthatsaysyoubet terdo
mor ethant hat .Youneedt oexpl
aingir
l andshe
ret
urnsmyl ookwi t
hthatlookthatsaysBi tchar e
youcomi ngorwhat ?

Okshe’snotgoi
ngtotal
kIseesoIguessImustbe
thef
ir
stonetoask.“
Whoar eyoutal
ki
ngabout?
”
Thecheekyatt
it
udeissotr
aceabl
einmyvoiceandI
di
ditdel
i
ber
atel
y.Whuuushej
ustget
sonmyner
ves

“Arey ougoi ngtocomewi thmeorwhat ?

”She
returnst hecheekyat t
it
ude.Yesy oucanseewe
reall
yshar edaDickoncei nal i
fet
ime.Wej usthave
thi
shat ev i
begoingon.Doessher eal
lyexpectmet o
comewi thherwiththatatt
itude?Butthencuriosi
ty
i
sj ustr efusi
ngtolooseni t
sgr i
ponmesoIt hink
she’sgoi ngt owinthisround.Ineedtoseewho
she’sr eferri
ngto.

“Doct
orwehaveapat i
enti
nward3.
”Somenur se
i
nformsherandri
ghtthenmyphoneringsasshe’
s
busyaski
ngthenurseaboutt
hepat
ient

“Moroka.”IsayasIanswerhiscall
.Iknowhe’s
smili
ngrightwhereheis.HelovesitwhenIaddress
him usi
ngt hesur
name.Ty pi
calTswanaman

“
Iwasj
ustchecki
ngupony
ou.Howi
sMyPoppe?
”
“She’
ssl
eepi
ngbutIknowt
hei
nject
ionwi
l
lwakeher
up.”

“
Iwi
shIcant
akei
tonherbehal
f.
”

Hehat est ohearhercry

ingorseeherinpain.Hecan
doany thingtostopherfrom cr
yingIt
hinkhecan
evenputhi sball
sont hescal
e.Ialwaystel
lhim he’
s
creati
ngt hisl
it
tl
emonst eri
nherandwear egoi
ngto
fail
todi sci
pli
neherbuthe’snotchanging.

“
Arey
oucomi
ngt
ofet
chus?
”

“
NoIhav
esomewher
etogoIcan’
tmakei
t.
”
“
Ohhhokay
.Let
agowas…”

“
Cany
oupl
easest
opment
ioni
ngt
hatname?Thi
sis
get
ti
ngsodamnannoy ingnow.Ical
ledtocheckup
onyouguysandyoujusthavet
or ui
nitby
menti
oni
ngthatname?”

Hehateshershamebutt hi
stimeIwasn’ tdoingit
del
iberat
ely
.“Nopleasejustli
sten.Iwantedtot el
l
youthatshewantsmet oseesomepat ient.She
saysit
ssomeoneImi ghtbeinterest
edtosee. ”

“Don’
tfuckengot
her
edoy
ouhearme?don’
tfol
l
ow
her.
”

“
Why
?”

“Doyouhavetoquesti
onev
eryt
hingIasky ou?Isai
d
don’
tgoyoujustl
ist
entome.actual
l
yI’m coming
ther
enow.”

Hehungupt
hephoneaf
tersay
ingt
hat
.It
houghthe
hassomewher et ogowhatdoeshemeanhe’ s
cominghere?Andwhyi shesomadaboutthis
wholethi
ng?He’ shidi
ngsomethi
ngIcanfeeli
t.I
checkforLetagoandshehasmov edfrom t
hespot
shewasst andingat.Shemusthavegonetoatt
end
thepat
ient

“Next.
”Thenur seshoutsinsidetheroom.Ididn’
t
evennot i
ceitwasmyt urntowal kin.Igrabmybag
veryfastandmakemywayi nside.Publi
chospit
al
nursescanbesor udeIsweart heyarecutfr
om the
samecl oth.

Whendonewi thev erythi

ngIgobackt othebench
andsitdownwai tingf orLetago.ThewaySechaba
panickedkindofgotmemor ecuri
ous.Iwai
tf ora
goodt hi
rt
ymi nutesandshe’ sst
il
lnowhereinsi ght
.
Thisplacekindofcr eepsmeout .Ial
waysthinkof
Meshackev eryti
meIcomeher esoy oucanr eall
y
i
magi nehowI ’
mf eel
ingr i
ghtnowbutIneedt of ind
outwhatisgoi ngonsoI ’
llj
ustendurethewait .As
I
’
m wai
ti
ngmyphoner
ingsandi
tsSechaba.

“Comeout si
de.
”Hesaysj
ustaf
terIswi
pedyeson
thephone.Hedidn’
tev
enwaitf
ormet osay
anyt
hing

“
I’
m st
il
lbusyi
nsi
de.
”

“
Isai
dcomeout si
de.”Thatcommandingvoiceofhis
t
hatIhavel
ear
nedt ostanduptooverthepastfew
months

“No.
”Ianswerandhungupt
hephonenotgi
vi
nghi
m
anychancet
orespond.

Iwaitandwaitandst i
l
lther
eisnosi gnofLetago.I
getupandaskoneoft henursesforher.Iwaitf
or
somef ewminutesthenseehercomi ng.Shel
ooks
ver
yannoyed.Shest andsinfrontofmewi thher
armsfolded.IpressPhodi
so’sfaceonmychest .I
’m
j
ustsopar anoidwit
hheraroundwhenev erI
’m
holdi
ngPhodi so.
Idon’
tknowmay beit’
sbecauseshe
l
ookslikeGeraldsomuchandIf eell
ikeshewi l
lput
oneandt wotogetherandfi
guret hi
ngsout .

“
Wecangoandseet
hepat
ient
.”

Sheshakesherheadthreeti
meswhil
estil
l
maint
aini
ngthatannoyedlookandt
urnsback.

“
Let
ago.
”Ishoutather

Shestopswal
ki
ngandt
urnsback.“
Ther
eisno
pat
ient.
”

“
Youl
i
edt
ome?
”
“No.Sechabahappened.Youwi
l
lfi
gur
eitout
.”She
conti
nueswalki
ng

Igoout sideconf used.Icallhimt ocheckwher ehe

haspar kedbuthedoesn’ tanswer .Irunar ound
checkingf or“IKNOW”al loverthepar ki
ngl otbut
can’tspotit.Bythet imeIgi veupI ’
m sot ir
edofall
thi
supanddown, I’
mt i
redofcar ryi
ngahugebaby
l
ooki ngforagr ownupmanwhoseact i
nglikeachil
d
now, I’
m hungr y,
I’m angryathim, I’
m angr yatthi
s
burningsunakgmanI ’
mj usttotal
lyangr yand
hungr yatthesamet ime.

Igostrai
ghttomyr
oom andputPhodi
sodown
whenIarriv
ehome.It
ryhi
sphoneanditst
il
lri
ngs
unanswered.

“
Youback?
”

Ei
shMmewhendi
dshegether
e?Wer
ethesepeopl
e
bornatcav
eswher
ether
ear
enodoor
s?Theynev
er
knock

“Isshesleepi
ng?
”Sheasksl
ookingatPhodi
solyi
ng
ont hebed.NoMmeshe’sshoppingf
orthest
arson
theskyGr r
rr

“Ar
ey ouokay?
”Sheasksaf
terIhav
en’
tsai
d
anyt
hingtoher

“
YesI
’
mfi
ne.Hav
eyoueat
en?
”

“YesIhav
e.Keeng?
”Sheasksagai
nwi
thav
ery
concer
nedlook

Istar
tfeel
i
ngter
ribl
e.NowIjustmadeMmeworry
all
becauseofSechaba.IswearIhat
ehi
m somuch
ri
ghtnow.
“
it
’snot
hingMme.I
’
mjustt
ir
edofal
lthewai
ti
ngat
t
hehospital
.”

“
Comeandr
esti
nsi
det
hehouse.i
t’
sver
ycool
”
“
I’
m comi
ng.
”

Iwaitforhert ogoanddi alSechabaagai n.hesti

ll
doesn’tanswer .Okaythat’
si tIgiveup.Idon’
tknow
i
fI’
m madbecauseoft hest unthepul l
edjustafew
hoursbackort hefactt
hathe’ snottakingmycal l
s
andmay behemi ghtbewi thsomegi rl
.Thethought
ofhimt ouchingsomegi rlsgivesmemi grai
nes.
Sechabaal way sanswershisphoneorget sbackto
mei mmedi atelysoitcouldonl ybesomegi rl
enter
taininghim.OhnooIf eel l
ikeI’
m goingtocry.

“Wherei
sNt habi
?”IaskasIjoinMmeont hecouch
hol
dingaplateofmyf ood.Sheiswatchi
ngRey a
Tsot
ell
a.Shelovesitsomucht oget
herwithallt
his
MojaLoveTvshowsl ikeMamazalaandt hem.She
wi
ll
watchthem andnarr
ateeachandever
yepi
sode
t
ousandnextthingyouwil
lbesocuri
ousandcat
ch
t
herepeatl
olhaiMme.

Sheisri
ghtit
sver
ycoolinher
e.Theairconi
s
swi
tchedonandtothi
nkshedidn’
tevenwantit
say
ingSechabai
susingevi
lmoneylol.

“Shewenttoseent
ateMolefe.
”Shesayswithan
excit
ementonherf
ace.Iswearinhermindshehas
alr
eadyi
nvit
edOurPerf
ectweddingcrew

Il
aughandwepasst
imedi
scussi
ngt
hei
rdat
e.

“YouknowIt hanky ouMasechaba.You’ represence

i
nt hishousehasbr oughtawholelotofchanges.
Theki dsaresounitedanddoingver ywellatschool
andSechabai sspendingtimeathomenow.wai tsi
attimeswer eall
ythinkwearediscipli
ningourkids
onlytopusht hem awayandIthinkIwasdoi ngt hat
kaSechabawhenIbannedhi
mfr
om comi
ngher
e.”

Shehast hatpai
ninherey es.Sheonlyhasitwhen
sheremember sherdaught er
.Ithi
nkonl yamot her
canunder st
andhowdeept hi
spainis.Icannot
i
magi nehowIwoul dcopei fPhodisohadtot ur
n
awayl i
keSechaba’
smot herandr oam aroundthe
str
eets.Noparentdeser
v estogot hroughthat.

“MmeIalwayst
ell
younevertothankmef ort
hat
.
YoudidsomuchformelennaIdon’tknowwhereI
wouldbenowandasforSechabaheshouldbe
bannedher
eagai
n.”

Shel
aughs.Ohmanherl
aught
erheal
sme.Il
i
vet
o
makeherlaugh

“
Whatdi
dhedo?
”
“
Nothi
ngMme.”I’
m noti
nthemoodt
odi
scusst
his
mor
eespeci
all
ywithher

“Helovesyoucan’
ty ousee?Iseet hewayhel ooks
atyouandactswheny ou’
rearound.Iraisedthatboy
soIknowhi m soverywell
.Ihaven’tseenhi ml ookat
aladythewayhel ooksatyouImeanev enwi t
h
ngwanaolawahaLet soaloitwasn’tl
iket hat.
”Sheis
ref
erri
ngtoLetagobyngwanawahaLet soalo.Her
confessi
onmakesmyhear tswellwithjoy .

“Hai
Mmehej ustseesmeasal it
tl
esisternot
hing
much.”I
’
mtryi
ngtomakeherdi shoutthose
conf
essi
onskadisty
lebyact
ingalli
gnorant

“
Hai
waobat
laSechaba.
”

Ijustl
oveitwhenshespeaksTswanamor e
especi
all
ywhenspeakingitwithSechabat
heywi
l
l
takeyoustrai
ghtf
rom GaboronebacktoSout
h
Af
ri
cai
naf
li
ghtofl
ove.

“Yeswaobat
la.
”Nthabisayscarr
yingsomeplast
ics.
Whendidsheenter?Isweartheydon’
tshockme
anymore

“
You’
reback?
”Mmeaskswi
thabi
ggr
inonherf
ace

“Isn’
ttooearl
ytobeback?Iactual
l
ythoughtyou’
re
sleepi
ngov erandwhydidyoupassthekit
chenwit
h
thoseplast
ics?Youwanttoshowusgor ebago
bechil
e?”Iaskwhil
elaughi
ng

“Letmehelpyou.”Mmesaysal
readyupfr
om her
seat.Whathappenedt
oherpai
nfull
egsbytheway?

Wehelpherpacksomegr ocer
ywhi chconsi
stsof
somebraaipacks,meali
emeal,packsofdanone
andsnacks.Sheexpl
ainsNtat
eMol efegott
hem for
heronthei
rwaybackhomeandgoesont oexpl
ain
shehadagr eatt
imewi t
hhim andwi
l
lbespendi
ng
moretimewi t
hhim agai
n.HeheheMannafr
om
heavenrai
ningal
ready.

Thesmil
eonMme’sfacehaiitqual
i
fiestobe
r
ecor
dedasthebi
ggestl
ongestsmil
eev eronear
th.

“Sohowwasthedatel
iker
eal
l
yhowwasi t?
”Iask
herwhenwefi
nal
lygetamomenttoget
heri
nsi
de
herr
oom j
ustt
hetwoofusonly.

Shelooksatmeandf r
ownsthengoesunderthebed
andtakeoutherboxofFor
thstr
eet.Shelov
esher
four
thstr
eetyenaandshealwayshastheboxunder
thebed

“Thatbad?”Iask.Shameshej
ustdi
dn’
twantt
o
disappoi
ntMme
“
Don’taskpl
ease.Icoul
dn’
twai
ttogetoutoft
her
e.I
f
eltsooutofpl
ace.”Shesay
swhil
egulpi
ngherdr
ink

“HaimonethuI
’
m sureyou’
rej
ustexagger
ati
ng.He
evengotyoust
uffandgaveyousomemoney ”

“
I’
m nothai
.Cany
oubel
i
evehewant
edt
osl
eepwi
th
me?”

“
Whooowhaaat
?It
houghthewassomechur
ch
man.
”

“Wellhonestl
yIwantedtosl eepwi
thhi
ml ol
.Idon’
t
knowmanIj ustf
eltl
ikedoingsomehitandrunon
him butthenyhoohispipihadsomeweirdlook.
”

“Whatwei
rdlook?”I
’
m al
readydeadbef
oreshe
coul
devenexplai
n.
“I
tlookedl
i
kei
twasaboutt
osi
ngsomest
ruggl
e
songs”

Okcansomebodyl owermycof finri

ghtnowcosI ’m
soreadyt odi
e.Ij
ustcan’
tstoplaughingandshe’s
outtheredowningherdri
nk.All
thestrugglesongs
comei nmymi ndandIjustimagineNt at
eMol ef
e’s
pipisi
ngingIy
hooihel
elamamaum hel el
eiyhoo
i
helelemama.Igobackt olaughingagain.nowI
real
lywanttomeetthisoldman

“Acoll
eagueofmineishavi
ngabirt
hdaybraaishe
i
nvit
edmeandaf tersuchadayIhadIreal
l
yf eell
i
ke
goi
ng.Let’
sgo.”

“
Whataboutt
heki
ds?
”

“Mmewil
lbabysi
t.YouneedtogooutabitIal
so
needt
heouti
ngreall
yIhaven’
tbeenouti
nages.”
Lovel
yidea.Ireall
yfeell
ikejoini
ngthey out
handjust
unwindsoI’mr eal
lyexci
tedaboutt heidea.Weask
Mmeandshei ssof inewithitbutgiv
esusal ect
ure
tobesafeandcal lSechabatobr i
ngusbackhomei f
Nthabi
’sfr
iendscan’tbri
ngusbackhome.

Iki
ssPhodi
soandgetr eadyt
oleav
e.Il
ovemybaby
somuchbuttonightI
’
m sohappytogooutandget
somebreat
her.
-
--
--
Wear eatapl acecal l
ed“ GaMmaDi patla.
”It’sav ery
hipandhappeni ngjointatsomet ownshipcal ledGa
Mashishi mal e.Thepl acewassuggest edbyNt habi’
s
coll
eaguesaf terwef i
nishedt hebraait
hey
suggestedwecomeher efortheafterparty.Thev i
be
i
ssocool andI ’mreallyenj oy
ingmy self
.Thi sismy
fi
rstoutingatadr inkingpl aceandImustsayI ’m
real
lyenjoy i
ngmy sel f
.Ijustlovetoseeal lthese
peopledr i
nki ng,dancingandhav ingagr eattime.
GoshIf eel l
ikeIhav en’
tlived.Phalaborwaissmal l
heavenI’mt elli
ngy ou.
“Comeonj usttrydri
nkingt his.”I
t’ssomeguy
offeringmeBr utalfr
uitrubyappl e.He’ sbeen
offeringmet hedrinkeversi ncewewer eatt hebraai
andIr ef
used.Ithi
nkhe’sonsomemi ssiontoget
medr unkandohhdi dIment iont hathe’shi t
tingon
met oo?Laphohel ooksl i
keBohangwakoScandal
mxm hemakesmef eel l
ikeI’m cur sed.Nthabi Isout
theredanci ngandsodamndr unk.IthoughtIwas
takingabr eakfrom thekidst onightbuti tlooksl i
ke
I’
llbebaby sit
ti
ngher.Thi sisoneoft her easonswhy
Ican’ teventakeasipf r
om al lthesedr inksBohang
hasbeenof feri
ngmecosIneedt obaby si
tNt habi.

“I
’m anursingmotherIt
oldyouthatIcan’tdri
nk
alcohol
.”Isaywhil
edancingtosomeol dhouse
schooljam.Itremi
ndsmeofhomewhi leIwas
growingup.mymot herl
ov edt
hrowingjustrandom
eventswher eshewil
lpl
ayloudmusicdr i
nkingwit
h
hermen.

“
Comeoni
twon’
tdoanyhar
m.”Ei
shBohang.
He’snotaboutt ogi v
eupIseesoIgr abthedrinkso
thathecanjustst opaskingme.t henthisj
am
comesonandIt otal
lygocrazyandl osemymor als.
Ifeell
ikegetti
ngont opofthetableandjustdance.I
guesst hi
siswhathappenswheny oudiscover
havingfunaty ouroldage.Youj ustbehaveli
kea
newki dtast
ingcandyf ortheveryfir
sttime

Yourl
ovei
sli
kear
ainbow
Yout
urni
nggr
eyi
ntot
hebr
ightl
i
ght
Yourki
sscomesl
i
keasummerr
ainmakesi
tme
feel
alr
ight
….

I
fyoudon’tknowt hissongtrustmeyouhav
en’t
l
iv
edy ourli
feyet.ThisisSummerrai
nbyBojoMujo.
MrBrutalherehaslivedhisl
if
ecoshissi
ngi
nghis
l
ungsoutwi t
hmeanddanci ng.Weholdi
ngeach
ot
hergoingtotal
lycrazy

AsI
’
mtur
ningIseet
hem y
esIseet
heshoes.Onl
y
Sechabawear sthesekindofshoes.He’ swearing
theredone’stonight
.Ididn’tknowany t
hingabout
thisshoesunti
lIsawhim wear i
ngthem andlearned
theyarecall
edDr i
pandt otallyfelli
nlovewit
ht hem
mor eespeci
all
ythestorybehi ndthefounderofthe
shoeswhoi sfrom ri
ghther einLi mpopo.Hewent
from havi
ngnoshoest ost artingabi gshoebrand.
He’swearingtheRedone’ st onight.

He’sstandingjustbehindmewi t
hacigaret
t einhis
ri
ghthandandWi ndhoekLageronhi sleft
.He’ sgot
thatlookthatonlylookthathe’ scapabl
eofdi shing
out.Thatdangerousmur derouslook.Hegr absmy
handandgi vestheguyj ustonest areandthat ’
s
enought osendhi m offr
unni ng.Hepullsmeaway
outsi
det oamor equi t
terplace.Isee“IKNOW”
parkedandr i
ghtthenIknowt heconfr
ontationis
aboutt ogetreal

Whyam Ifeel
i
ngsoscar
edl
i
keIj
ustgotcaught
cheat
ing?
Hel eansbyt hecar .Onelegsl i
ghtl
yblendedupon
thewheel whil
etheot heroner emainsburiedont he
ground.Hi sredDr i
psneakerdoi ngsomewonder sin
thedar k.Hepuf f
st hecigarettesmokeinandout
slowlywhi l
ehisey esarebur i
edonme.Ij uststand
therewat chi
nghi m.Hef i
nishthesmokeanddr op
thebut tonthegr oundandt ossitar
oundwi thhis
redDr i
pshoewhi lesti
llkeepinghiseyesburiedon
me.

Hesli
deshishandi nsidethepocketsandcomes
backwit
hanotherci garet
te.Heli
titandstart
s
smoki
ngit.Hetakesasi pofhi
sWi ndhoeklagerand
gi
vesmeadeadst ar e

“
Whyar
eyououtt
her
ebehav
ingl
i
keawhor
e?”

Ij
ustlookathi
m notknowi
ngwhatt
osay
.Al
lthe
angerIfel
tdur
ingt
hedaycomesback
“HaaaI
’mtal
ki
ngtoyou.Sowedr
inki
ngalcohol
now?”Heasksl
ooki
ngatmyBrut
alfr
uit
.Ididn’
t
evendr
inki
t

“Youdon’
tgettocomearoundhereandbossme
aroundmoreespeci
all
yafteri
gnor
ingmycal
lst
he
wholeday
.”Ifi
nal
lysay.I
’
m angry

“
Okay
.”Hesay
ssocal
mly

“Okay
?Likereall
yokay?Youdon’ tgett
odothat.
Wherewerey ou?Whydi dyouignoremycal
ls?”I
’m
shout
ingnow.Iknowt hatI’
m shouti
ngcosIcan
hearmyvoicethroughthisl
oudmusi c

“
Wast
aki
ngcar
eofsomebusi
ness.
”

“
Youdon’
tgettodothatt
omeareyouhear
ingme?”
I
’
m shout
ingandpoi
nti
ngmyfi
nger
sathim.I’
m so
angryandI
’m onthev er
geofthr
owinghim wi t
hthi
s
bottl
ecoshe’
sjustlookingatmesocalmlylikehe’
s
nottaki
ngmeserious.He’smakingmef eelso
stupi
dandli
keI’
m ov err
eacti
ngovernot
hing.

“Iknowthatyoumusthavebeenbusywit
hyourgi
rl
s
buttheleasty
oucouldhavedonewastoret
urnmy
call
s.Youcouldhav
e…”

HaaaIdon’ tgettof inisht hatl astsentencecoshi s

tonguei sbusydoi ngsomemagi conmyt ongue
maki ngsur eIcan’ tt
al k.If eel asuddenheatr ushall
overmybody .Ifeelwhat ev erthattranspor t
st he
bloodi nt hebodymov ingsof astsuppl yi
ngal lthe
organsi nmybodywi thbl ood.It houghtnot hingcan
evermakemef orgetPhodi socomi ngoutofmy
priv
at epar tbutwhatI ’
mf eelingdownt hereright
nowmakesmef orgeti tinst antl
y.Ifthi
sf eeli
ngI ’
m
feeli
ngr ightnowl eadsr i
ghtbackt othelaborwar d
againt henI ’
m sor eadyf ori t
.Ididn’tknowki ssing
canbr ingoutsuchpl easur eInev erknewexi sted.
“
Youwer esay
ing?
”Heaskswi
thhi
sar
msst
il
l
wrappedar
oundmywaist

WhatwasIsay i
ng?Ican’
trememberwhatIwas
say
ing.I’
vesuddenl
ydevel
opedatemporar
y
amnesia.Ij
ustl
ookathimtryi
ngt
ocatchmybreat
h

Heopenst hef r
ontdoorf ormeandl eadsmei nside.
Wowt hisisaf i
rstIguessheenj oy edmyki sst oo.
OnceI ’
m seatedhest artskissingmeagai n.hislips
aresosmoot hlikethey ’vebeenmassagedwi th
babyoi lsandbum cr eamsal lhislif
e.Hepl ayswi th
histonguel i
keagui tarist.Youknowt hewayt heyhi t
thosest ri
ngssocar efullyandbr ingoutsucha
beautifulmelodywel lthat ’
sexact l
ywhathei sdoi ng.
Mywhol ebodyi sinmel odyamel odywhichIcan’ t
explai
n.Hi shandsar emov i
ngall overmybodyand
Ifeell
ikewear einapr ivateplaceandi t’
sj ustthe
twoofusonl y.Idon’twanthi mt ostopIjustwantt o
havethi smomentf orli
f e.
“
I’
m comi
ng.
”

Heletgoofmeandl ocksthedoor.Het akessome

fewstepsawayandt henwal ksback.Heunl ocksthe
doorlooksatmestraighti
nmyey es.I
’m alr
eady
gett
ingreadyt
ocloset hem andwelcomehi slips
backonmi neagai
n

“Il
ovey
ou.
”Hesay
sthenl
ockst
hecarandwal
ks
away

LordIj
uststart
edliv
ingmyli
fet
odayIswearal
l
al
ongIwasnotl iv
ingcoswhatj
usthappenedr
ight
nowisli
fe.Bjokebophel
obanesu.Thi
sisManna
fr
om heaven.

Fewmi nut
eslaterhecomesbackholdi
ngNthabi
.
She’
ssodr unkandstruggl
i
ngtowalk.Heput
sherat
thebackseat.
Hecomestothedri
ver
’sseat
.Looksatmeand
holdsmesot
ightandwestar
tkissi
ngagai
n.We
stopwhenNt
habi’
scri
esgetl
oud

“YouknowIlovedhimt
her
eisnothi
ngIwouldn’
t
havedoneforhim.mar
awhyisThapel
odoingthi
s
tome?”She’sdrunk

“
Sleep.
”Sechabai
nst
ruct
sher

“
Haaa?Ker
obal
e?”Sheaskshi
mlol
it’
ssof
unny

“
Yessl
eep.
”

“
Okaykey
arobal
a.”Sher
esponds

Sheputsherl
egsontheseat
sandsleep.Al
lthe
cr
yinggonenow.Il
ookatherandl
aughsohar d
“I
’l
lli
vemylif
eprovi
ngtoyouthatther
eareother
guyswaybettert
hanThapel
ointhiseart
h.I
’
m not
goingtotr
ytoprovetoy
oubutI’m goi
ngtoproveit
toyou.”

Il
ookathi
m notknowi
ngwhatt
osay
Hestartsthecarandwedr iv
eof f
.Itakehi
shand
andlockitwithmyhandwi thmyheadr estedonhi s
thi
ghs.I’
mf eel
ingl
ikeGod’smostf avor
it
echi l
dright
nowlikehejustputall
thegirl
sprayerit
emsonhol d
andattendedtominemaki ngsureIgetnothingbut
thebest.Thismomentr i
ghthereerasesallt
he
questi
onsanddoubt sI’
veeverhadi nmylif
ebef ore.

Ndi
hambi
l
endi
boni
l
endi
mfumene
Ndi
yamt
handa
Ubani
loendi
thet
hangay
e
Aonguwest
hwandwasami
Sozendi
kuphoxeodal
iwami
Sozendi
kushi
yendi
yak'
thanda
Bani
loendi
thet
hangay
e
Aonguwest
handwaSami
……

Thesongisplay
ingsoftl
y.Icouldn’
thavechosena
bett
ersongfort
hisevening.It
rusthim wit
h
ever
ythi
ngIhaveI’
mr eadyformyhear ttowinor
l
oose.

“
Openy ourl
egswi der
.”Hesayswhil
ebusybrushi
ng
mythighsandtr
yingtogethishandsinsi
det
here
yesyouknowwher e

“Sechabar et
lothula.
”Isaygiggl
ingli
keachildand
stoppingthehandf rom r
eachingther
e.Goshit’
s
suchabushdowni nhereli
kethewhol eKr
uger
Nationalparkanimalscancomeandcampher e.
shouldIhav eknownI ’
m goi
ngt obehisgir
ltonightI
woul dhaveshav ed.
“
Wedr oppi
ngNt
habi
offandgoi
ngt
ocont
inuewi
th
t
his.
”

I
’
m notgoi
ngt
oanswert
othat

Hegetsoutandopenst
hecarwhi
leI’
m sti
l
lsi
tt
ing
st
il
li
nthefront
.Mmecomesoutrunning

“
Sechabakenengkehofounel
a.”She’
shyst
eri
cal
“
Weneedt orusht
othehospit
alnow.bar
eDimpho
i
sverycr
it
ical
.Comelet
’sgonow.”

Hej uststandsst i
l
llooki
ngather .Dimphoishis
mot her.SoLet agowasreferr
ingt ohismotherand
trustmeSechabaknewal l
alongt hathi
smot her
wasl yingsickatthehospitalandsaidnothi
ngt oany
ofusi ncludingMme.Goshdoeshehat ehismot her
thatmuch?
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#13

“
Sechaba”Mmeshoutsathimtr
yingt
ogeta
r
esponseandobv
iousl
ytr
yingt
ogethim mov
ing

HegulpsdownhisWindhoeklagerasi
fhistr
yingt
o
cl
earoffwor
dsthatar
elodgingonhisthr
oat.He
bur
psandlooksatherstr
aighti
nhereyes.

“
I’
m notgoi
ngt
her
e.”Hesay
sunshaken
“Huh?WarengSechaba?
”Herf
acei
sful
lofhor
roras
sheasks

“Kar
eI ’
m notgoingthere.Li
fehastostopandwe
havetojumpar oundcost hewhoreisbedri
dden?
Shecandi eforall
thatIcarebutI
’m notgoi
ng
ther
e.”Hesay sashegul psdownhisdrinkagai
n
“
Sechaba?
”Isayi
tinar
epr
imandi
ngway

“
What
?”Hesnapsatme

“FineSechabahol oki
lekareholoki
le.Shei smy
childnoty ourchi
ldsoI ’
l
lmakeapl an.Kar efi
neho
l
oki l
e.”Shesay swav i
ngherhandsi nsurrenderand
tearsstreamingdownonherf ace.It
’sav erypai
nful
scenet owi t
ness.Shewal ksbackinsidethehouse
busyscr eaming“Hol okil
eSechabaI ’
l
l makeapl an
shei smychi ldevenifsheisawhor ebutshei smy
childkaremychi ldandIloveher.Dimphokengwana
wame.Myonl ychil
d.”

Sechabaisnotmov edatal l
.He’sj
ustst andingthere
l
ookingather .Ithoughtmay behewi l
lrunaf terher
andapologize.Iknowhewi llmovemount ai
nsf or
herbutIguesst hismount ainist
oohar dandt oobig
forhimtomov e.Hehat esseenherinpai nand
disappoi
nti
ngherbutt histi
mehe’swi l
l
ingt ol i
ve
withthatpain.Hishatef orhi
smot heri
sst r
ong
enoughIguess.Iknowmymotherwr
ongedmebut
I'
l
lsti
ll
domybestt ohel
pheri
fsheneededmyhel
p.
WellIthi
nkIwould

“Sechaba?Baby ?Pleasedosomet hi
ng”Mytear
sare
threati
ngtocomeoutt oo.Ihat
eitwhensheissad
andj ustl
i
keSechabaI ’
ll
movemount ai
nsf
orherand
sincehecan’tmov ethisoneforherI
’ll
doi
t.I
’m
raisi
ngupt othechallenge

He’
ssti
ll
notmovedatal
l
.He’
sleani
ngbyt
hecar
hav
inghi
sdri
nk

“Let
’sgo.I
’l
lbookusatanicepl
aceandwewil
lbe
backtomorrowmorning”Hesay
stry
ingt
owraphis
armsaroundmywai st

I
sher eal
l
yseri
ousnow?Hi smotherisly
ingsi
ckat
thehospi
tal
andhisgrandmotherneedstoseeher
buthe’
snotmov edbyanyofthatinst
eadhe’
s
thinkingofhavi
ngsexwi
thme?He’sgottobe
kiddingme.Iremovehi
shandsf
orceful
l
yfrom my
wai st

“
What
?”Heasksl
ooki
ngal
lconf
used

“You’
resounbel
iev
abl
eSechaba.Areyouseri
ously
notgoingt
ohelpMme?Sheisy ourmotherSechaba
yourmother
.”

“Don’
tev erImeanev erref
erherasthat
.Thatwhore
i
snotmymot herIbetshedoesn’tev
enrecal
lhowI
l
ooklike.IhateherdamnIhat eherandIlovehat
ing
her.
”

“Yousuchamonst
er.You’
resohear
tl
ess”Iscr
eam
athi
m.

“
Arey
oucomi
ngwi
thmeornot
?”
“I
’m notgoi
ngany
wherewit
hyou.I
’
m st
ayi
ngr
ight
herewithMme.Sheneedsme.
”

“Okshap.”Hewalkst othecarandhelpNthabiseng
out.Ihadtotal
l
yforgott
enshewasi nsi
dethatcar .
Hecar r
ieshertoherroom.Shehast ot
all
yblacked
out.HowIsowi shshewassoberandf ul
l
yawake
ri
ghtnow.

Heget sbackf rom putti

nghertosl eepandget s
i
nsidehiscar .Hedr i
vesoffwithoutsay ingany thing
tome.Ar ewehav i
ngourf ir
stfi
ghtst raightafterour
fi
ghtnightasacoupl e?Weshoul dbei nournew
l
ov ephase.St r
uggli
ngt ogetov ereachot herbut
herewear ef i
ghti
ng.Whatdi dheexpectmet odo?
Chooseani ghtoff unwi t
hhim andl eav eMmet o
sortoutall
t hi
smessal one?Apar tofmef eel
slikeI
kindofbetrayedhim wi t
hmychoi cebutMmeneeds
someoner i
ghtnow.Anot herpar tofmeki ndof
resent
shismot herforcausingal lthischaosbutI
quickl
yreprimandmy self
.Ican’tbef eeli
ngt hi
sway
aboutmymot
heri
nlaw.

Aftercal
mingmyt i
tsdownIwal ki
nsidethehouse.I
fi
ndMmesi t
ti
ngont hecouch.Shequickl
ywipesthe
tearsawaywithherhandwhensheseesmewal king
i
nside.

“
Mme.”IsayasIsi
tnextt
ohert
aki
ngherhand
i
nsi
demyhand.“WhatcanIdot
ohelp?
”

“
IwanttogotoMaphuthabutIhavenoonetotake
mether
e.Ican’
tcal
lboMmebakoker ekengsolat
e
i
ntheni
ghtandaskforhel
p.Idon’
twanttobother
t
hem.”

It
’snotthatshedoesn’ twanttobotherthem she’
s
j
usttryi
ngtopr otectherdaughter’
sdignit
y.She
knowstheywi llwanttositaroundandwal kinsi
de
thatwardroom wi thher.Deepdownsheknowsi t’
s
badandi str
yingt opreventthegossi
pf r
om going
around.Thati
sexactl
ywhatat r
uelovi
ngmot her
doesshepr ot
ectsy
ouagainstsuchthingsshetakes
yourdeepestfl
awsandlocksthem ri
ghtinsi
deof
herandthrowsthekeysaway.

“Idon’
tknowanyonearoundherewhocanhelpus
Mme.Letmet rytowakeNthabiup.
”IwishIhad
takenBohang’
snumbersmay beIcoul
dhavecall
ed
himrightnowandwewer egoingt
ogethelp.

“
Nol
eav
eher
.”

“
Any way
sitsver
ylate.I
t’
sjustaf
ter11sotheywon’
t
l
etusincosvisi
tat
ionhourshaslongpassed.We
wi
llgoearl
ytomorrowmor ni
ng.”

“
Idi
dn’
tev
ent
hinkoft
hat
.”Sher
esponds
“
Howdi
dyouf
indoutabouther
?”
“Igotacal
lfr
om someoneatthehospit
al.Idon’
t
knowkemangbutshesai dshe’
slooki
ngv erybad
andIneedtoseeherbefor
eit’
stoolat
e.”Thewords
chokeherasshespeaks

I’
mfeeli
ngver
yti
redandjustwanttosl
eepbutI
don’
twanttol
eaveheral
lalone.SoIgotoherr
oom
andfi
xthebed

“
Comeandsl
eepMme.I
’
llsl
eepher
ewi
thy
ou.
”
Herbedisbigenoughf orher ,meandPhodi sobutI
preparet
hebl anketsont hefloorforPhodi soandI .
Sheasksmet opr aywit hher.Ikneel downt ojoi n
herbutpassoutwhi l
eshe’ sstil
lbusypr aying.
Phodiso’
scrieswakemeupj ustaf t
erthreeandI
fi
ndherkneel i
ngdownst il
lpraying.IpickPhodi so
upandsi tonthechai rbr eastfeedingherwhi l
e
l
ookingatherpr aying.She’ sdeepi npr ayerIev en
doubtshehear dPhodi socr yingorcanf eel t
hatwe
areup.it
’sav eryheartbr eakingscenet owat ch.I
l
ookatPhodi soandaskGodt omakeheragood
chi
ld.Af
terputt
ingherdownIj
oinheri
npr
ayerunt
ilI
passoutagain.
-
--
--
Its10o’ clocki nthemor ni
ng.Thetimef orvisi
tati
on
hourandwear emaki ngourwayt ot hewar d.We
arri
vedher ejustaf ter7inthemor ningandcamped
outsidewai t i
ngf orthesecurityguardst oopenf or
us.Nt habi i
sl eftathomewi t
ht hekids.Shel ooked
terr
iblysickwhi chiswhysher emainedathomewi t
h
thekids.Idi dn’tgett ogoi nt
ot hefulldetail
swhenI
wasnar rati
ngt hest orytoher.Ionlyment i
oned
Sechaba’ smot herissi ckatthehospi t
al andI’
m
taki
ngMmet ogoandseeher .Iwi
lltellherabout
Sechaba’ sbehav iorwhenwegetbackandt hef act
thatI’
m of fici
ousl ymot heroftheNat ion.

Youknowwheny ouenterakitchenandy oufeelthe

smellofgoodfoodandstartsali
vati
ng?Wel l
this
wardthatwejustenter
edsmel l
sofnothingli
kethat.
Itsmell
sofdeath.Ther
earepeopl eonthebedbut
ther
eisnosignoflif
einthem.Youl i
ter
all
yfeelli
ke
youjustenter
edt
heworl
doft
hedead.Youf
eell
ike
checki
ngy our
sel
fupi
nthemi
rrorj
ustt
obesur
ei f
youstil
ll
ooknormal
.

Ifeel
li
keI’
m notbraveenoughtocontinuethiswal
k
wit
hher.Iwanttotur
nandr unandforgetthis
t
raumaI’m wi
tnessi
ngnow.WasLet agogoi ngto
t
akemet othi
swar dthatday?

Mmest andsr i
ghtbyherbedsi deandl ooksather .
Shenodst othedoct orthatindeedi t’
sherdaught er.
Shet oucheshert i
nyhandt hatlooksl ikeitwas
bakedi ntheov enandbur nedandl osti tsshapeand
color.Youknowwheny out ryingtor oastmeati nt he
ovenandy outotall
yforgetabouti t
?I tlosesit
s
shapeandf or
m.I tbecomessot iny,verydarkand
sti
ff.That’
sexact l
yhowshel ookslike.Att hispoint
i
t’
sv eryhar dtotell
ifshewasev erybeaut if
ulbefore
sher eachedthisstage.

Shehasnocheeksv
isi
ble,
Herf
acel
ooksl
i
ker
ott
en
bil
tong.It’
sli
keabigpi twasbui l
taroundherneck,
youcouldactual
lythrowincoinsj ustaroundher
neckandt heywil
lsitandnotshi ftevenani nch.Her
bodyissot hi
nthatevenPhodi socanmanaget o
carryherandsti
llf
eel noweight.Herhai rl
ooksl i
kei
t
wasshav edoffbysomehoodr at
s.Shel ooksv er
y
scary.

“Di
mpho. ”Mmesay sst i
l
lholdingont ohert i
nyhand.
Sheblinkstry
ingtost
opt het ear
sf rom comingout
buttheycomeouti nfullf
orce.Istandbehi ndher
andhol dhersoti
ghttryi
ngtost opherf rom fal
li
ng
down.“ DI
-M-PhO”Shesay sitinslowmot i
oncutting
i
toff.“OhJehovakeot shenyeditsengkehoet seng
Jehova.”Gut-
wrenchi
ngscr eams

MmeDi mphoisnotr
espondi
ngtoanyofhercr
ies.I
t
hinkshecan’
tevenmoveanyofherbodypar
ts

“Mmepleasesitdown.
”Isaytry
ingtopul
lherdown
onthebenchnearthebed.Theladyl
yi
ngonthebed
nextt
oDimphoherey
esar
ewi
deopenedandy
ou
canseeshei
sgone.

“You’
rethefami
l
y?”TheDoct
oraskst
ryi
ngt
obe
sureagain

“Yes.She’
shermotherandI’
mt hedaughteri
nlaw.
”
Thatdaughteri
nlawescapedinvol
untar
y.
“Ri
ght
.MissMorokaher eisi
nwhatwecal lstage
thr
eeoft
heHi vv
irusbasical
l
yshehasf ul
lblown
AIDSnowandwej ustrecent
lydi
agnosedherwi t
h
whatwecall
Kaposi sar
comacancer.”

Myski ncri
ngesatt
hement i
onofthatname.the
doctorlookst
oolazyt
oexplainwhatthati
sandI’
m
tooscaredtoaskwhatiti
s.Idon’
tthi
nkmymi ndis
capableenoughtot
akeinanymorebadst uf
freal
ly
.

“Heri
mmunesystem hasdeter
ior
atedsobadthat
herbodyi
sst
ruggli
ngtorespondtoanyant
ibi
oti
cs
whichiswhyshei sget t
ingnewinf ect
ions.Shehas
beenli
vingwi thAIDsf ortwofull
y earsnowandt hey
normall
yl i
vef oraboutthreeyearssoy a…”Hecur ves
hi
smout hl azil
yashest opstalki
ngmor eli
keleavi
ng
met odoal lthethinki
ng.He’snotev en
concentrat
ingonMme.He’ sdir
ect i
ngev er
ythi
ngat
me.

“
Sobasi
cal
l
yther
eisnot
hingy
oucandof
orher
?”

Hetakesadeepbr eat hmoreli

kel eav
ingall
the
thi
nki
ngt omeagai n.Mmehasst oppedcryi
ng.Her
headisbowedandshe’ sst
il
lholdingherhand.She
l
ookslikesheisprayingforher
.Shemov esherhead
andlooksatthedoct or

“
Iwantherhome.Iwantt
otakemydaught
erhome
wi
thmet oday
.”

Hel
ooksmor
erel
i
evedt
oaut
hor
izet
hatf
orher
.
papersaresignedandwear egi
venlessonswell
morelikeI’
m givenlessonsonhowt otakecareof
herathome.Thi sisgoingtobeveryhardbutI’
m
moredet er
minedt odoassistMmeatal lcost
sand
I
’m sureNthabiwilldothesametoo.

Igooutsi
detocal
lSechabat
oar
rangef
or
tr
ansport
ati
ontot
akeushome

“
Motherofthenat
ion.
”Iknowthatv
oice.Hesounds
l
iket
hataft
ersmokingweedandheonlysmokes
weedwhenhe’sst
ressedorext
remelyangr
y

“
Sechabawear
eatt
hehospi
tal
.”

“Manj
engi
genaphi
mina?”Wowhe’
sspeaki
ngZul
u
now?atLi
mpoponogal
?Mxcim
“Sechabaweneedacart
otakey
ourmot
herback
home.”
“Yeyyeyy eydon’tevendaresayt hatev eriny ourl
if
e
don’t
.Mymot heriswel l
andnotsi ckanddy ing.My
motheri sMot heoandshei swell.Thatist heonly
womanIwi ll
jumpupanddownf ornotsomewhor e
whoonl yremember shomej ustbecausedeat his
knockingatherdoor .IhateherIf uckenhat eher.”
Heisref er
ri
ngt oMme.Hernamei sMot heo
Omont le.Atruemeani ngtohernameshei s.

“
Sechabapl
easedoitforMmet
henIunder
stand
y
ouhateyourmotherbut.
.”

“
Itol
dyoushe’
snotmymot
her
.”Hesnaps

“Okaysorr
y.Iunder
standyouhat
eDi
mphobut
pleasedothi
sforMme. ”

“I’
m doingthi
sforher
.Thatwhor
ekeepsoncoming
backandact i
ngli
keshehaschangedandonceshe
feelsbett
ersherunsofft
ogoandopenherlegst
o
anothermanl eavingherhear tbr okenall
overagai n
andwhoi stheret opickupt hepi eces?I’
mt hereto
makesur esheheal sagai n.Di mphoi sasel
fish
pieceofshitwhocanonl yt hinkwhenadi ckisright
i
nsideofher .Sheisdamnsel fishandnowwehav e
tostopli
vingandr unar oundf orher ?Wherewasshe
whenweneededher ?Shemustdi ehervipsectionin
helli
slongov erdueforherar ri
v alnow.”

“
Sechaba…”I
tcomesoutasapl
ea

“No.I’
m notcomi ngthere.Doy ouknowt hatThato
hastoliveonpi ll
sallhisli
febecauset hatwhore
fai
ledtopr ot
ecthi m?Shej ustpoppedhi m outofher
andditchedhi m withusnotev encaringorinforming
uswhati swr ongwi thhim.nowIhav et ocareabout
her?Whyam It hebadguyher enow?Whatabout
her?IfI
’m comi ngthereI’m onl
ycomi ngtof et
chyou
andmyr ealmot hernotthatwhor e.
”

“
ShapSechabat
henl
etmemakeapl
anf
oranot
her
t
ranspor
tthen.
”

“
Goshap.Il
ovey
oune?
”

I’
m notgoi ngt orespondt ot hat.Ican’ tgobackt o
Mmeonl yt odisappointher .Irunout sidetolookf or
transpor t.Iseet hisempt ytaxipar kingandIr unto
thedr iverandof ferhi
m 2kf orspeci al.Hisfaceis
beami ngwi thexci t
ement .Igeti nsideandwepar k
j
usti nf rontoft hewar dwhenheseesMmecomi ng
wi t
ht henur sepushi ngDi mphoonawheel chairhe
tell
smeIcant akemyR2000andshov eitwheret he
sundoesn’ tshinehef urtheraddst hatev enifIhad
offeredhi m 10khewoul dn’tall
owsuchadeadt hing
i
nsi dehi staxi.Whatpai nsmet hemosti st hatMme
canhearhi m sayingallofthat.

“Ausithi
swheelchairi
sneededbacki nthewar d.I’
m
notgoingtostandherewhileyoustil
ll
ookingar ound
fortr
ansport
.Idon’tgetpai
dforthis.t
akey our
personandremainher ewit
hher.”Thenurser udely
say
s

Mmedoesn’ twaitf
orhertosayany t
hingmore.She
l
ift
sherdaughterfr
om thewheelchairandsi
tdown
onthegroundcarryi
ngherli
keamot hercarr
yingan
i
nfant.Peopl
earepassingandlooktraumati
zedby
thescene.If
eell
ikeIhavefai
ledher.Ical
lSechaba
again

“
Mot
heroft
henat
ion.
”Hest
il
lsoundshi
gh

“Sechabai
fyoudon’
tcomeher
eit
sov
erbet
ween
us.”

Ican’
tbel
i
eveI
’
vest
oodsol
owbutI
’
m desper
ate
here.

Helaughs.“
Youchoosi
ngthewhoreoverme?Ok
shap.
”Hehangsupthephonejustl
iket
hat
“IsawNt atemor utiwhenwewal kedinheremay be
wecant r
yhi m.Ithinkhemi ghtsti
llbearound.”
Mmesay swi thherey esburi
edonherdaught er
brushingherhead.Iknowt heysayJesuscancount
thenumberofhai ronourheadandIbel ievethat
onlyhecandot hatbutt r
ustmewi t
hDimphoIcan
alsodot hat.Icancountt henumberofhai ronher
headi naspl i
tofsecond.Mmei sbusyr ockingher
j
ustthesamewayIdot oPhodi sowhenI ’mt r
yingto
comf ortherortryingtogethert osl
eeporgi veher
thatassurancet hatsays“It
’sokaybabymommyi s
here.
”

It
akehi
snumberf
rom herphoneanddi
alhi
m.

Itel
lhim Mmeneedshi shel
pfort
unateenoughhe’
s
st
il
laround.Idi
recthi
m wher
ewear eandhecomes.
Hi
sstruggli
ngtohidethehor
roronhisfacewhenhe
l
ooksatmmeDi mpho.

“
Weneedal
i
ftwi
tht
aki
ngherhome.
”IHumbl
yask
“I’
m goi
ngtoav er
yur
gentmeeti
ngandI’m al
ready
l
atebutI’
llt
rytocomehomeandpr ayf
orher.”He
sayswhileopeni
nghi
scardoornotwai
tingforusto
respond.

Mme’ sey esareshut .She’sbusypr ayi

ngshedoesn’ t
evenmi ndt hepeopl epassing.Ifeelsodef eat edI
don’tknowwhatt odot ohel pher.Iprayt hatwhen
allt
hisisov ermyr el
ati
onshipwi t
hSechabawi l
lsti
ll
survi
vecosLor dknowsIl ovehim andInev ermeant
thatbreakup.I ’
ver unoutofi deasnowIdon’ tknow
whot ocal l
.Idon’tknowany onehereinPhal abor wa.
Iwalkov ertowher eMmei ssit
ti
ngandj oinher .
Nursespassusl ikenothingishappeni ng.If eelli
ke
I’
mf ail
ingher .Itakeoutmyphonescr ollingdownat
namesasi fI’
ll
comeacr ossanumbert hatcansav e
meandbyt hemi racl
eofGodIt hinkIjustdi d.Why
didn’
tIt hinkoft hispersonbef or
e?
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#14(Myeyesfai
l
edmet owardst heend.Please
excuseanyer
ror
s.Ist
ruggl
edt oedit.Pl
easedon't
for
gettoli
ket
hepageonourl atestchal
lenge)

Ilookatt henumbersav edas“ Corpse”and

contempl ateifIshoulddialitorwhat.Isav edit
whenshet riedtocallmet hisotherti
me.Idon’ t
knowhowshewi ll
assistbutsheknowspeopl eandI
thinkherpr ofessi
oncanpl ayani mpactmay beshe
willhaveempat hybesidesshehasahi st
or ywit
h
thisfami l
y.Shemi ghtnotgetal ongwithSechaba
butIt hi
nkshewi l
lhelpMmeandIgetaf eeli
ngshe’
s
theonewhomadesur eMmeknowsgor eher
daught erisatthehospi t
al.Shemi ghtnothav emade
thecal lbutshesur eashel l
hadahandi nit.

“MmeI ’
m goi
ngtotryandcall
Let
agot
ohelpus.
”I
saypatt
ingherbacktr
yingt
ogetsomeki
ndof
assur
ance.
Sheonlymanagesanodashereyesremainsshut
.I
knowshedoesn’tl
i
keLet
agobutbeggarscan’
tbe
chooser
sri
ght?

Iunbl
ockthenumberanddi alherwhil
et r
yingso
hardt
of i
ghtthi
surgethatkeepsonwhi speri
ngin
mymi ndthatwhatI’
m doi
ngiswr ong.

“DrLet
soalo”Suchsav age.Doessheneedtolet
eachandev erycal
lerknowt hatshe’
saDoctor
?
Aret
siIguesssheear nedit.Sixyear
sofst
udyi
ngis
notawalkint heparkbutdoessher eal
l
yhaveto
answerli
ket hat
?Mx mcin

Ikeepqui
tenotknowi
ngwhatt
osay

“DrLetsoal
ohell
o?”I
tcomesoutasabr
agandri
ght
thenIknowshemustst i
l
lbehavi
ngmynumber
savedinherphone.
“
Hii
tsMadzal
eni
.”

Si
l
ence…

“Whatdoyouwant
?”Shef
inal
l
yspeaksaf
teral
ong
si
lence.

“I
’
m atthehospi
tal
withMmeumm Sechaba’ s
grandmother
.Wecamet ofetchhismotherandwe
arestr
andedwedon’thaveanytranspor
ttoget
home.”

“
Whi
chsi
dear
eyouat
?”

“
Justout
sidewar
d8.
”

Shedoesn’
tsayany
thi
ngaft
ert
hatandthephone
goesdead.I
’
m conf
usedi
fshe’
sgoingt
odo
somet hingaboutthi
sorwhat .IdialNthabiandshe
doesn’tanswert hephoneIguesst hehangov ergrip
i
sst i
llti
ghtaroundher .Shewor kshereasacl eaner
somay beshemi ghtknowsomeonewhocanassi st.
Goshwhydi dn’
tIthi
nkofcal li
ngherbef oreLet ago?I
can’tstopbeatingmy selfupov erthi
s.Iregretcall
ing
Letago.JustasI ’
m busyt hi
nkinganambul ance
stopsrightinfr
ontus

Twoguy
sgetoutwi
thast
ret
cherandappr
oachus

“
TheMor
oka’
s?”

“
Yes.
”Ir
espondwi
thsomuchent
husi
asm

Theyweart hei
rglovesandtakemmeDi mphof rom
Mmeandwheel heratthebackoft
heambul ance.
Wejumpi nandwer eadytogo.Ij
ustcan’
tbeli
eve
whatjusthappened.Wegotsav edbyLetagooutof
al
lpeople.
“
MmeLet
agocamet
hroughf
orus.
”

“Youneedt
ocall
herandthankherpl
easet
hankher
onmybehalft
oo”Hervoi
cesoundssofar

Myphoner
ingsandi
t’
sher
.

“
HiLet
ago.
”

“
Didt
heambul
anceguy
scome?
”

“
Yes.Thanky
ousomuch.
”

Shedoesn’
trespondbackandt
hephonegoesdead.
It
ypetextandsendher

Me:Thanky
ousomuchfory
ourhel
p.Wer
eal
l
y
appr
eci
atei
tsomuch.
”
Sentandnor
esponsef
rom her
.
-
--
--
Wear esi t
ti
ngbyt hesi t
tingr oom watchingTvnot
thatwear ereallywatching.TheTvi sjustloudbut
ourmi ndsar ejustnotthere.Ihav emov edi nsi
dethe
mainhousenowwi t
hPhodi sojusttobecl oseto
Mme’ sr oom.Wear etakingt urnstotakecar eof
MmeDi mphocosshej ustcan’ tdoany t
hing.Sheis
l
iter
allyachild.Sheisondi apers.Mmer efused
whenweof f
eredt oassisthert ochanget hem .We
makesof tporr
idgeforhersi nceshegother e
yesterdaybutshe’ sstr
ugglingt oeatsheev en
vomi t
swat er.

Nthabihadt orequestleavefrom workjusttoassist

us.Ihadtotell
them att hedaycarethatIwon’tbe
abletostar
twor kbecauseIhav eav eryseri
es
si
tuati
onathomet odeal wit
h.Idon’
tknowi fthejob
off
erwill
stil
lbeav ai
lablewhenev er
y t
hinggoes
backtonormal butwi l
ltheyevergobackt onormal ?
Theki dscan’tstopaski ngquest i
onsaboutMme
Dimpho.Whoi ssheandwhydoesshel ookl i
kethat
.
That odoesn’
tev enknowher .Hekeepsonaski ng
whathappenedt othatwomani nther oom andi s
shegoi ngtodie.Mi soknowsandshehasn’ tbeen
well.She’
smor eli
keherbi gbrotherSechabashe
resentshermot her.Shei ssitti
nginsidemyr oom
outsideallal
onest arr
ingi ntospacewhenIent er
.I
sitj
ustbyt heedgeoft hebedandhol dapi l
low.She
doesn’tacknowl edgemypr esenceorany thing.

“
Misohowar
eyouf
eel
i
ngaboutmom?
”Iaskher

“If
eelnothingforher .whyshoul
dIf eelanything?
Sheneverfeltany t
hingforme.Iusedt ocall her
aski
nghert ocomebackhomeshekeptont el
li
ng
meshewi l
lcomebutshenev erdid.Ineededherso
muchwhenIwast easedaboutmyal bi
nism butshe
wasnev erthere.AllIwantedwasf orhertohol dme
andtel
lmet hatI’
m enoughandbeaut i
fulbutnot
evenoncehassheev ertol
dmet hat.Notev enonce
hassheev erhuggedme.whenIstart
edmyper
iodsI
hadtotellAbutiSechabacosmmagoNeowasat
workandkokowasnotf eeli
ngwel
l
.Shei
sa
str
angertome. ”ShesobsinmyarmsandIhol
dher
ti
ghtbrushingherback

“
It
’sokayi
t’
sokaybaby
.”

“I
’
m sorr
yfordi
sappoi
nti
ngyoubutIcan’
tlov
eher
.”
Sheconti
nuest
osobinsidemyarms

“Iunder standt rustmeIdobutwoul dn’tyouliketo

forgetaboutt hepastandst artmaki ngnew
memor ieswi thher ?I
’m notf orcingy outodo
any thi
ngy oudon’ twantbutpl easej ustthinkabouti t.
Shei sy ourmot herbabyandt hatwi llneverchange.
I’
m sur eshef eelsbadaboutev er y
thingandy our
forgivenesswi l
l meanal ottoherandnotj usther
onlybuty ouandMmet oo.Somet imesy ouf orgiveto
freey ourselftowashof fallthet oxinseat i
ngy ou
i
nsi de.Justt hinkabouti tokay ?”Isaywhi l
ebr ushing
herback

Shef
ixesherspect
acl
esandwagherhead
“
I’
m goi
ngt
ocookyourfavor
it
efoodsi
mplybecause
y
ou’r
emyfavor
it
egi
rli
nt hewhol
ewideworl
d.”

Herf
acebeamswi
thexci
tement

“
Lasagna?
”

“
Yesbaby
.”

Shej
umpsupf
rom t
hebedandhugsme.
Il
ovethi
sgi r
lsomuch.Shegav emethatplat
formto
pl
aythatbigsisrolei
nherli
fe.Somet
hingIal
ways
wi
shedf orLondekaandI.Shewill
befi
neIknowshe
i
sabigst r
onggirl.Nowletmegetupandmaket he
ki
dsfavori
tefood.KonjeIoncementi
onedthatIl
ove
cooki
ngandI
’
m agr
eatcookne?

“Monethu.
”Shetakesacarr
otIwasaboutt
ochop
andsit
sont opofthedeepf
reezer

“
Hey
.Oshap?
”

“
I’
m exhaust
ed.
”

Shameweareallexhaustedbothphysi
cal
l
yand
mental
l
y.Igi
veherthatlookthatsay
sIunder
stand

“
I’
vebeenthi
nki
ngaboutmyownmot
hery
ouknow.I
t
hinkIneedt
ovisi
ther
.”

“I
’
vebeenthi
nkingaboutminetooalotl
atel
yever
si
ncethi
swholethi
ngstart
ed.Iwoul
dn’twantherto
di
edil
odiseshapbetweenus.She’
snotremorseful
f
oranyt
hingbutIj
ustwanthert
oknowt
hatI
’
m not
mad.
”

“
Mi netr
iedreachi
ngoutbutIwasj
ustnev
er
i
nterest
ed.”

“
I’
mtooscar
edt
ocal
lmi
nehai
I’
ll
justsee.
”
“
any
thi
ngonSechaba?
”

“
Not
hing.It
ri
edcal
l
inghi
m hedi
dn’
tanswer
.”

“Skawarahewil
lshowupsoonweal l
knowhecan
bemadatallofusbutnothi
spreci
ousMyPoppe.
Hewill
showupj ustt
oseeher.
”

“
IhopesoMonet
hucosIr
eal
l
ymi
sshi
m.”

Justaf
tersay
ingIhopesoIhearacardr
ivi
ngi
n.
onl
ytheJeepr
oar
sli
ket
hat
.Sechabai
sher
e.

“
Monet
huhei
sher
e.”Whyi
smyhear
tbeat
ingso
f
ast
?

Wewaitforhi
sgr
andent
ranceandhesur
eashel
l
doesmakeone.

“Whereisshe?Wherethefuckist
hatwhore?”He
asksstandi
ngbythedoorholdi
nghisWindhoek
l
agerinthehand.He’
sdrunk,he’
shighandlooks
madashel l
.

Hepusheshiswayinwhenwedon’
tgiv
ehim any
answer
.Webot hr
unaft
erhi
m af
terr
eali
zi
ngwhat
j
usthappened

“Sechabano.
.”Ishoutrunni
ngaft
erhimtryi
ngto
pickuphispacebutit
’stoolat
ehe’sal
readyatt
he
door
.Heopensandf
indsMmet
ryi
ngt
ogi
vemme
Dimphowat
erwit
hastraw
Wealll
ookathi
m st
unned.Hewal
ksi
nsi
desl
owl
y
andl
ooksathi
smother

“
Whydi dyoucomeher
e?Coul
dn’
tyouj
ustdi
efar
f
rom us?”

“
Sechaba?
”Iscr
eam athi
m

“DimphoIwanty outodi eknowingthatyoufail

edas
amot herandIhatey ou.Doy ouknowwhaty ou’re
absencehasdonei ntomyl if
e?Iwouldhavel ovedto
beasomebodyi nlifenotsomecr i
minal
butbecause
ofy ouIhadt ostopgoi ngt oschoolandbea
criminal.YouchasedThapel oawaybecausehe
didn’twanttobeassoci atedwithawhorelikeyou.
Lebonehadt obefuckedbydi f
fer
entmenjustto
surviveandattheendshehadt oli
vewit
ha
Somal ianguycosy ouf ailedherasamot her.You’r
e
nothi
ngbutapieceofshitandIdon’
tfeel
sor
ryf
or
youdeser
veeveryt
hing.
”

“That
’sitSechabagetoutofmyhouseandnev er
everret
urnhere.Ntswel
ekamot se.Idon’
teverwant
toseey ouinhereagai
nandthisti
meImeani t
Sechaba.”Mmei supfrom t
hebedandt hrowi
nghi m
witheveryt
hingshecomesacross

“Sechabapleasel
eavebonay ou’
rescari
ngt heki
ds.
Justlookattheki
ds.Isthi
showy ouwantt hem to
seey ou?Pl
easedon’tputt
hem throughthi
swe’ r
e
alr
eadydealingwi
thalotherepleasego.”

Heturnsandlooksatt
hekids.Iseeawaveof
shameresti
ngonhisface.Helooksatusandwal
ks
out.

WhuuLor
dpl
easei
nter
veneher
e.
-
--
--
It
’sthefoll
owingdayandIjustfi
nishedputti
ngthe
ki
dst osleep.ItakemybathandwearmyPj amas
waiti
ngforSechaba.Hef i
nal
lyagreedt omeetup
withme.I ’
m sit
tingont
hecouchpassi ngti
meby
watchingsomeTvwhi l
ebrowsi
ngt hroughmyphone
whenhecal ls.

“
I’
m att
hecor
ner
.”Hesay
s

“
I’
ll
bet
her
einj
ustasecond.
”

Iti
ptoemywayoutsi
demaki
ngsureMmedoesn’
t
seeme.Nthabi
knowsI’
l
lbemeeti
ngupwi
thhim

Iopenhisdoorandleadhim out.He’
spuzzl
edbuthe
fol
lowsmylead.Iopenthebackseatdoorandl
ead
himinsi
deoncehe’sseatedItakemyseatandclose
thedoor
.
“Moroka.”Igreetwhil
erunni
ngmyhandt hroughhi
s
face.He’
ssobert hankgoodnessandhe’ssti
ll
handsomeashel l
.Hemakesmef eel
li
keGod’s
favori
tegir
lthisone.

“
Whydi
dn’
tyoucomewi
thmypoppe?
”

“
Shewassl
eepi
ng.
”

“
Shedoesn’tsl
eepthi
sti
me.Arey
outr
yingt
okeep
meawayfrom herMadzal
eni
?Doyouhatemethat
muchnow?”

Madzal
eni
?Okay
…

“
YouknowI
’
llnev
erdot
hat
.”

“
How’
sev
ery
one?
”Heask
“
Survi
vingdespi
teev
ery
thi
ngt
hat
’shappeni
ng.We
missyou.”

Si
l
ence…

Itakehi
shandandtouchhi
sfaceagai
n.he’
slooki
ng
down.“Hey
.Lookatme.”

Hedoesn’
tlookatmesoIli
fthi
sfaceupandstar
t
ki
ssi
nghim.“Il
oveyou.
”IsayasIbreakt
heki
ss

He’sgott
hatSechabalooknow.l
olmencanbekids
atti
meslolsay
ssomeonewhohasj ustbeenwi
th
twomeninherlif
e.I’
m doi
nggoodatthi
smjol
o
thi
ngIguess

Ist
artt
ell
i
nghim abouthowIgr
ewupandhow
thi
ngswerel
i
kebet weenmymotherandI
.
“
I’
m nott
ryi
ngt
ocompar
eourmot
her
sbutwebot
h
havemot herissues.BabyIhav elearnedt hati
t’
snot
whatt heot herpersondoest oy outhat’sthebigdeal
.
Thebi gdeal ishowy ouasaper sonr espondstoit
.
Callmest upi
d,callmenaï vebutI’l
lratherbeall
thoset hi
ngst hantowal kal
laroundcar ry
inghate
andr el
ay i
ngonkar mat osolvethi
ngswhi l
eIcan
solvethingsf ormy selfbyal
lowingpeacet ofl
ow
i
nsideofme. ”

“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
”

“Fr
eey our
selffr
om thisbondageandt heonl ywayto
dothatistoforgiv
eher .Babyweal ldecidehowwe
wantourlivestobe.Yesshemi ghthav ehadan
i
mpactonhowy outurnedoutbuti twaspur elyyour
deci
sion.She’snotperfect,
I’
m notper fect,
younot
perf
ect.Theysaylovei swhentwoi mperfectpeople
l
earntoloveeachot herinaperfectwayandt r
ust
mei t
’sdoableyouar ecapableoflov i
ng.Sechaba
you’
reagoodmany esmostmi ght
mi sunderst
andyoubutIknowy ou’
reagoodman.
Forgiveherdoitf
oryou.Il
oveyouandI’m her
ef or
youalway s.
”Ihughi
mt i
ghtl
yandgivehim akiss
thenwalkoutofthedoorprayi
ngthathedidli
sten.
-
--
--
I
tsearl
yinthemorning.Ihav
ejustfini
shed
prepar
ingsof
tpor
ridge.I’
mtaki
ngt hebowltot
he
room t
ogiveMmet of eedMmeDi mpho.

“
I’
ll
taket
hat
.”

Ist
andst
il
ll
ikeachil
dthatjustgotcaughtst
eal
i
ng
meati
nsi
dethepot.Sechabaishere.

It
urnj
ustt
obesur
eandy
eshei
sher
e.

“
Arey
ousur
e?”Iask
Heonlyshakeshi shead.Wemeeteachot her
half
wayandIgi vehim atr
ay.Ipathim ontheback
andsmile.Hecanr eadmyf acewhichsays“ I
’
m so
proudofy ou.
”Somet i
messomemoment sdon’t
needwor dstobesaid.

Il
eadt
hewayandhef
oll
ows

“
Wher
eist
hesof
tpor
ri
dge?
”Mmeasks

IopenthewayandSechabaenter
sholdi
ngt
het
ray.
Hetakesoffhi
sbuckethatandbowsdownabi
t“Ma
ou..
”

Si
l
ence…

“Mmecomewi
thmeI
’
llmakey
ouf
oodi
nthe
ki
tchen.
”
She’shesi
tantIt
hinkshedoesn’
ttrustSechaba
aroundherdaughterwhi
chistotal
lyunderst
andabl
e
aftert
hescenehecausedy est
erday.

“It
sf i
neshedoesn’ thavet ogo. ”Hesay sashesi t
s
ont hebednextt ohismot her .Het akesaspoonand
tri
esfeedi ngherhishandsar eshakingli
kei twill
dropont hef l
ooranymi nut e.MmeDi mphoopens
hermout hal it
tleandhef eedsher .“Yesthat ’
sit.
Let’stryanotherone. ”Het akesanot herhandf ulof
spoonandf eedher .“Yest hatit.Iknowy ou’re
strongerthant hisyouneedt of i
ghtthissot hatwe
cancr eatenewmemor i
es.”That ’
sawayofabl ack
childsayingIfor gi
vey ouwej ustdon’tdir
ectlysay
thewor dsnotj ustusonl yev enourpar ents.Mar a
why ?Maywebeagener ati
ont hatbr i
ngschanges
withourki ds.Thewor dpleasef orgivemeIwas
wrongi simpor tantandneedst obenor mali
zed.

Cr
iesfi
llt
heroom.Ican’
tst
andt
hisanymor
esoI
walkoutandNthabi
fol
lowsmetoget
herwi
thMme.
wedon’ tsayanythi
ngtoeachotherwhenweget
i
nsidethekitchen.Icoul
dwarm upyesterdaylef
t
overfoodbutSechabadoesn’tli
ke“Englishfood”as
hecallsthem soIneedtostar
tcookingpapand
somemeatf orhim.Heeatspapforbreakfastand
nevertouchesbread.Letmegoandaskhi m whatto
makef orhim.

“Youneedt ogetwel landspendt i

mewi thyour
makot iandgrandchild,hernameisPhodiso.You
nevertookcareofmesoy ouowemet hatmucht o
takecareofPhodi soandhersi bl
ingswhileIgoand
screwhermot herwi thoutkidsdi
stur
bingus.Ilov
e
heryouknow?I ’m goingt omarryandandt he
biggestgif
tyoucanev ergivemei sf
oryout obe
presentattheweddi ng.”

That’st
heconv er
sat
ionIwalkint
o.Myheartswell
s
withmoreloveandjoy.Doeshereal
lyl
ovemet hat
much?It i
ptoebacktothekit
chenwhenIgeta
feel
inghefeltmypresence.
Wetaki
ngthepot
sandmov
ingar
oundwhenhe
wal
ksin.

“Youdon’
thavetodoanyofthatt
oday.Iwantyou
guystogooutfort
hewholedayandjustunwind.
Youhavedonesomuchandy oudeservesome
rest
.”

Webot
hlookathi
m puzzl
ed

“Vanessaisoutsidet
otakey ouguyst
owher ev
er
l
adiesgot orel
ax.Shewillbr
ingyoubackinthe
aft
ernoon.Idon’twantyouguystoworryabout
anythi
ngtodaywewi llt
akecareofherwit
hOul ady
ri
ght?”

“
Right
.”Mmeanswerswit
hasmile.“
Getoutyou
t
wo.”Shel
aughs.Shameshe’
shappyforus
Hehast hatl
ookandIknowwenotal l
owedto
prot
est.Wechangeandgoout sidetofi
ndthi
s
Vanessaladywait
ingoutsi
de.Shegetsoutofthe
carandhugshiml aphoshe’
shalfnakedli
keshe’
s
weari
ngapant yandacroptopwi t
hheelsnogal

I
nmymi ndIhavealr
eadymurder
edher,
buri
edher
andresur
rect
edheronl
ytoki
l
lherall
overagai
n.I
don’
tli
keher

“Rel
axandstoplookingl
ikeyou’
reabouttosing
somestrugglesongshe’
slikeal
itt
lesist
ertohim.
Heneverlooksatthem t
hatway.”Nthabiwhisper
sin
myearlaughing

“
Buthesl
eptwi
thLet
agot
hough.
”

“I
yhoopholauphil
entombazana.
”Shelaughsand
goesinsi
dethecar.Ican’
tbel
i
evethi
sisajoketo
her.she’
ssupposedtobehati
ngherwithme
“Cal
lmei fyouneedanythi
ngokay ?”Bi
tchhe’sgot
mehedoesn’ tneedyou.Isaythatinsi
demymi nd.
Wegoi nghavetoaddressthi
sVanessai ssuesoon
oncethingsgoesbacktonormal .

“
Sur
e.”Whyishesay
ingsurethough?Okayt
his
mat
terneedst
obeaddressedurgent
ly
Wegett oSefepanel odgeandt hi
sbi tchl
ookslike
she’saregul
arher e.Theyknowher .Shewav es
aroundandleadsust othespa.I’
v eneverbeent o
thespabeforeonanor mal dayIwoul dbehappyt o
beherebutnot hisisnotanor mal daysomebi tch
wasbusyundr essingmymanwi thhereyesandnow
actsli
keshe’sourt ourguidetothegoodl if
e.Next
boardmeet i
ngatt hebrothelI’
mt herewithhimt hey
needtoknowme.

“Heydarl
i
ng.Theywi
ll
beher ef
orthewhol
eday
okay?Ful
ldaypamper
ing.Puti
tonNati
on’
stab
okay?”
Sheputsonheruglysungl
assesandwavesus
goodby
e“ Chaochao.
”Mxcim shesoundsl
ikeacat
sayi
ngmeoooww.

Themassaget hi
ngissopai
nful
kgant hewhydo
peopl
el ov
ei t
?Sheishurt
ingmeasshepr esses
hardIshouldn’
thavechosenhar
dpr essur
e.Thel ady
saysit
’sbecauseI’v
ebeensostressedandbl ood
fl
owswhatwhat .
.Shetel
l
smet orelax.

Wegooutf orbreakf
astj ustbythepool sideoft he
spa.Wear eser v
edrealfoodandi tsreall
yni ce.We
bothreali
zehowmuchweneededt hisout ing.Wego
backinsideandgetsomepamper i
ngont hef ace
I’
mt al
kingcumber sont heey es,somet hings
massagedonourf aceandIst artf
eelinglikeI ’
m
BonangMat hebaIswearev enmyaccenti s
changingIjustfeell
i
keaddi ngdar li
ngwhenev erI
fi
nishasent encenowIseewhycel ebrit
iesbehav e
thi
swayi t’
sbecauset heyat tendthingsliket hi
s.
Thistourjustmademer ealizethatIloveni cet hi
ngs
andIdodeserv
et hem.spapamper i
ngshouldbe
addedontheobit
uar ythatshealsoattendedspa
pamperi
ngforthewhol edayatSef epanelodge.
Peopl
emustknowt hesethings
Nextt
hingist
hemanicur
eandpedi
cur
ethi
ng.I
t’
s
myfir
stti
medoingt
hem.

“
Whi
chcol
or?
”Thel
adyasks

“
Pinkdar
li
ng.
”Isaywav
ingmygl
assofj
uice
Wegiggl
ewithNthabi abouthowwear
egoi
ngto
makethi
sourusualthingwhenwegoouttobe
ser
vedwit
hlunchbyt hepool.

Bythetimet hebit
chcomestofetchusweareti
red
andfeeli
ngsor eadytogohomeandoohdidI
mentionthatIfi
nall
ystar
tedenj
oyingt
hemassage?I
evenfel
lasleep
it’
sar oundfi
veintheaf t
ernoonwhenwel eaveand
tobequi tehonestIdon’thateVanessal i
keIdid
whenwecameher elolhatei sastrongwor dwellI
don’tdisl
ikeherge.Ijustreali
zedthatMadzal eniy
ou
j
ustdi dn’
tknowt hefi
nerthingsinlifeandy ou
disl
ikedthepoorgirlcossheknewt hem.Iwas
j
ealousofherbutt hattouchyt hi
ngwi t
hSechaba
stil
lneedstobeaddr essedt hough.

Whenwegethomewear emetbySechabaandthe
boy
sbusywit
hbraaistandsandcar
ryi
ngmeat.Miso
i
ssit
ti
ngwi
ththem busychoppi
ngstuff

Wear etoldt
orelaxandgetreadytobeservedby
them.Ijustf
all
inlovewi
ththisfamil
yoverandover
again.

Wejoi
nMmeandMmeDimphoint
her
oom.She
t
ri
estosmi
l
ewhenwewal
kinsi
de
“
Howwasy
ourday
?”

Weexpl
ainhowmuchf
unt
hespawas

Mmesaysshe’
sgoingtocheckupont hebraai
and
Nt
habi
goesouttoanswerherphone.Iremainwit
h
MmeDimpho.

Shelooksatmeandsmi l
e.Shetri
estoreachformy
handbutstruggl
es.Imov
eclosertoherandreach
forherhand

“Keyal
ebohaforevery
thi
ng.Sechabai
sblessedt
o
haveyouandIjusthavej
ustonefavor
.”

Ij
ustl
ookathernotsay
ingany
thi
ng

“
Pleaset
akecar
eofhi
m.If
ail
edhi
m asamot
her
butyoucanshowhi m awomaniscapabl
eoflovi
ng.
I
’m gi
vingall
theloveIhav
eforhi
mt oyousoIneed
youtolovehim doubl
e.Hecanbeveryi
mpossibl
e
butdon’tl
eavehim.”
Ij
ustl
ookatherIdon’
tknowwhatt
osayr
eal
l
y.
“Ther
eisal et
terIneedy outor
eadt othem only
whenI’m gone.Itwil
lexplai
never
ythingthey’
veever
askedthemselves.”

“
Hai
MmeI
…”

“
Please.
”

“
Okay
.”

“
Thebr
aaij
uststar
tedhaii
t’
shappeni
ngout
side.
”
Mmesayswalki
nginsi
de
“
Takemeout
sideIwantt
oseeev
ery
thi
ng.
”

“
Arey
ousur
eDi
mpho?
”

“
I’
m sureMama.Pleasecal
lmyki
dsIwantt
hem t
o
wheelmeout
side.
”

Weal lgooutsi
deandcallSechaba.Hecomesout
pushingheronthewheelchai
rfoll
owedbyMi soand
Thato.It
’sabeaut
if
ulscenetowi t
ness.Beaut
if
ulyet
emot i
onal

Themusi cisbuzzing,theyareplayi
ngv i
aOrlandoby
Monwa.Appar ent
lyi
twasMmeDi mpho’sfavorit
e
songbacki ntheday s.Thesongi sonrepeat
thr
oughoutt henight
.Thev i
beissocool weeven
for
gett heki
dshav etogot oschoolt
omor r
ow.Mme
Dimphoment i
onsshe’ sti
redandwant stoli
edown
andt hat’
swhenweal lbr
eakt hechi
ll
asandpr epare
tosleep.
“
Youenjoyedyoursel
f?”Heaskswit
hhisarms
wrappedal
lovermeonceev ery
bodyhaslef
t.I
t’
sjust
t
het woofusoutside

“
Alot
.Youhavejustr
aisedthebarhi
ghandIhope
y
oucanmaint
ainthatstandar
d.”

“ForyouI ’l
ldoany t
hing.Icant akey outhereev ery
day.Thanky ouf orev eryt
hing.YouknowIj ustlove
youmor erightnowaf tereverythingyouhav edone
forthi
sf ami ly.Iknowhowbadl yy ouwantedt ostart
workbuty ouchooset aki
ngcar eofmymot herover
that
.Madzal eni I
’m notgoodwi thwordsandy ou
knowt hatbutbabyI ’
l
l li
vetherestofmyl i
feshowi ng
youhowmuchIappr eciateyouandgr at
eful t
ohav e
youinmyl ife.Youwer emeantf ormebaby .Oul ady
l
ikessay ingt hatitisnotgoodf oramant obeal one
nowIt rulyunder standwhatshemeantt hen.Iwould
bemi serablewi t
houty ou.”

“
Weheal
edeachot
herSechaba.Idon’
tknowwher
eI
woul
dbei
fitwasn’
tfory
ou.
”

West ar
tki
ssingandki ssi
ngandkissingunti
lwe
can’
ttakei
tany more.Igobackinsidethehouseand
hejokesaroundsayingImustsneakoutandcome
andfixwhatIstar
ted.Hesay spoi
nt i
ngatthebul
ge
onhispants.Mxcim hornythi
ng

Unli
keotherni
ghts’sl
eepscomessoeasi l
y.Iguess
i
thasgott odowiththemassage.Ihaven’
tsleptl
ike
thi
sinages.Oursleepwit
hNthabiisi
nterr
uptedby
Mmewaki ngusup
“
Tsohangbanaka.Di
mphohasl
eftus.
”

Huh?What
?How?

Wegetup.Shehasal
readybat
hedherandchanged
herandswi
tchedont
hefan.
Sechabacomesi nsi
dejustaft
erwehavecl
osedthe
bedroom door
.Hewal ksstr
aightt
other
oom andwe
gi
vehi mthespace

Ican’tbel
iev
ewearehav
ingaf
uner
alandt
hent
he
l
etterthi
nghitsme.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#15

Thehousei sbuzzi ngwi thpeopl eandt her

eisjust
not imet ositdownandr est.Ithasbeenl i
kethis
sinceTuesdaymor ningt hedayaf terMmeDi mpho
passedaway .Todayi sWednesday .Weonl ymanage
tosl eepj ustaft
ert welv emi dnightandhav et obeup
j
ustar oundf ourtopr epar ebreakf astandbat hi
ng
wat erf ortheelderst hatar ecampi nginthehouse
andt hev i
sit
orst hatkeeponf l
ocki ngtoofferthei
r
condol ences.Mmei sl ovedbypeopl eandt heyare
showi ngherwi thal l
thel ovedur ingt hi
sdiff
icultt
ime.

“Masechabapl easebri
ngteaourv isitor
sj ust
arri
ved.”Aneighborcal
lsout.Wear eexpect i
ngthe
rel
ativ
esf r
om MoshupaatBot swana.Mmedi d
announcet heywill
bearri
vi
ngt oday .Iquickly
prepareteaandsconeswi t
ht hehelpofNt habiand
wegoi nsidethehousetoser vethem.
Mmei ssi tt
ingont hemat t
ress.Ev erythingwas
remov edi nsideherr oom andonl ythemat tress
remained.Shehasbeensi tti
ngt hereev ersi nce
Mondayandv i
sit
orsgoi nsidet hereonebyonet o
offertheircondol ences.Most lycomewi thcashand
Nthabi istheonewhor ecordsi tinsidet hebook.She
hasalsot akenupt het askofgoi ngar oundwi th
Sechabat ocollectt hemoneyf rom Bur i
al societi
es.
Mmesai dshedoesn’ twantanyofherdodgy
rel
ativ
est ouchingt hebookandr ecordingany
condol encesmoneymor eespeci all
yAusi Mol l
y.So
farshehasonl ycameonceIt hi nkshe’ stryi
ngt o
avoidSechabaatal l costs.Shei gnor edmeand
actedlikeshedoesn’ tknowme.i fonl ysheknew
howmuchIl oveher .it’
sallthankst oherIscor ed
themostamazi ngmanev er.

Aswewal ki
nsidethehousecarr
yingthefoodwe
seemor epeoplewalki
ngin.womeni ntheirl
ong
dresseswithdoekswrappedaroundtheirhead,
scarfswrappedaroundthei
rwaistandshoulder
s.
menwear i
ngthei
rjacket
scomi
ngt
oof
fert
hei
r
condol
ences.

“I’
m withmyf r
iendsov ertherepleasebr ingusf ood.
”
It
sSechabast oppingmej ustbeforeIent eri nsi
de
thehouse.He’ sbeenv erybusyrunningar ound.I f
he’snotatt hecemet erysuper vi
singt heguy swho
arediggingt hegravehe’ sintownbuy ingfoodt hat
weneedt ocook, organizingthi
ngsatTwo
Mount ainsmor tuary,
get t
ingchairs,tables, buyi
ng
alcoholforthepeopl eandal landall.Thet entwas
donet oday.Theydi ditatt hestr
eetbecauset hereis
noenoughspacei nsi
de.

Wehar dl
yspendt i
met ogether.Thel i
tt
letimewe
spendt ogetheri
swhenI ’
m drivi
ngwi thhimt ot
own
tobuyf oodandwear eneveralonelikeIsai ddur
ing
thedayhe’ sextr
emelybusyandatni ghthechi l
ls
withhisfriendsandtheydri
nkt il
lthemor ning.
Funeralsjusthaveawayofbr ingingpeopl etogether
.
Yougetsomanychi ll
ersspotsar oundt hehouse.
cousinscat
chi
ngup,peopl
efrom aroundshari
ngthe
l
atestgossi
paroundthehoodwhileprepar
ingfood
forpeopl
e.

“
Areyounotcominginsi
detogreet
?Theysayy
our
r
elat
ivesf
rom Bot
swanajustar
ri
ved.”

“Ohhdidtheycomei nthatcar ?”hesay spointingat

thewhit
ef ortunerparkedout side.“Letmedi r
ect
thoseguyst heycamet odel i
v erthemobi l
efridges
andtoil
ets.I’
llbetherejustnow.Theowneroft hat
carist
roublepl easedon’ttakeherser iousl
y.”He
l
aughsaf tersayingthatandwal ksaway

Wewal kinsi
depassingagr oupofpeopl esit
ting
i
nsidetheempt ysit
ti
ngr oom waitingfortheirtur
nto
seeMme.Ther oom ispacked.Al l
t hechair
sar e
packedandsomear eevensi tt
ingont hefl
oor .We
kneeldownandpl acethet eaandscones.Wegoi ng
tohavetogobackcost hisisnotgoi ngtobeenough.
It
’ssomechur chpeopleandf ourwomenwi t
hanol d
manIdon’
tknow.Andohhsomet wogir
lssi
tt
ingon
t
hefl
oorTheymustbether
elat
ivesfr
om Bot
swana

“Tea?Ausi youdidn’tgetsbi
yankhonyana?Ican’t
comeal lt
hewayf rom Botswanatocomeanddr i
nk
tea.Thisplaceishotandy ouoffermet ea?Iwanta
coldblacklabel.Motogolookae?”it
’ssomeol dman
withaf acethatlooksli
keithasseenitalll
etmenot
getstartedonthepuzzaf ace.LolIl
ikehim al
ready
thi
sone.

“BoAusithesearemygi r
ls.
”Mmesayscutt
ingand
i
gnoringmyf avori
teuncl
e.“Onakemosadiwa
Sechabaandt hatonekewaThapel
o.”

“Thapel
o?Mosshedoesn’ tl
ookli
ketheonewesaw
onthepicturestsal eny
alo?Memekanakeengdi lo
tsel
atsalonat samophoni ng?Wehadt oseehi s
weddingont hephonecoshef ai
ledtoinv
iteus.
Mxcimitwi l
lnev erl
ast”Sheaskssomegi r
l si
tt
ing
onthefloor.“Andy ouneedtolosethatmkhabaor
el
seSechabawi
l
lrunorar
eyoupr
egnant
?”Ther
ude
aunt

“
Hai
Ausist
optal
ki
ngli
ket
hat
.”Theauntt
hatl
ooks
l
i
keast
aunchmozol
wane

“KeFacebookmamaandy esthi
sisnother.That
oneontheweddi ngpi
ctur
eswasv erybeauti
fuland
sli
mthisisdef
iantl
ynother.
”Theteenagerresponds

If
eel
Nthabi
shi
ft
inguncomf
ort
abl
y.

“El
egoreyenaokaeThapel
owatengandLebone?
”
Somewomanasks.Shel ooksl
i
ketheri
chauntof
thefamil
ythi
sone

“
Yeswher eishe?Iwanthi m hereIhear
dhe’svery
r
ichandisclosewi t
hministersandallt
hese
i
mportantpeople.Aaahebil
eI ’
m nolongerdr
inki
ng
Bl
ackl
abel
.Mot
ogol
oot
lonshapakadi
har
tes.
”

“Thapel owil
lonlybearri
vi
ngl at
etodayort omor r
ow
hesaidsomet hi
ngabouthi swifeonlyget
tingleave
from tomor r
owandoneofhi skidhadani nter
view
atsomeschool theyaretryi
ngtogethimi ntonex t
year.Leboneshei sarri
vi
ngt odayherchil
dwassi ck”
It
’stheauntf rom Lephal
ale.Shearri
vedwithher
daught erTshimologoonMonday

“Ireal
lycan’
twaittof
inal
lymeett
her
ichuncl
eof
thefamil
y.”Thegir
lonthefl
oor

“Uselessr i
chuncle.Whenwast helastti
mehecame
home?l ookatthishouseitneedssomeser i
ous
wor k.KgantheisSechabanotmaki ngenoughf r
om
beingacr iminalnottoupgradethi
splaceforyou
Ausi ?”Therichauntsayslooki
ngallj
udgment al

“
I’
m goi
ngout
side.
”Nt
habi
whi
sper
sinmyear
.Ihol
d
herarmt i
ghttryi
ngt ostopher.Shehast earsful
l i
n
herey es.hearingt hatyourexistaki
nghischildtoa
school thatpaysabov e5kamont hyetfail
stoev en
sendR20f oryourownki dsbackhomeandt hefact
thathe’scomi ngwi ththewife?Idon’tknowhowt his
i
sgoi ngt owor koutwor seMmei sconf i
nedinside
theroom andcan’ tbethereforNthabisoI’l
lhavet o
stepupandbet hereforher.

Hetakesof
fhi
sbuckethatandbowshi
sheadashe
ent
ers.

“
Bagol
o.”Hegr
eet
s

“Aaahmyboyboyaahlookatyouall
grownupand
sti
lll
ooki
nghandsomeasever
.”Theloudauntsay
s
standi
nguptohughim

“Yawena.Ar
ey oust
il
lacr
iminal
?”Ri
chauntasks
openi
ngherarmswidetohughim
“
Myboy .Ar
eyougoi
ngt
ochur
chnow?
”St
aunch
mozol
waneaunt

“Motogol
ogr
eaty
ou’
reherennaIjustwantacol
d
onebefor
ewecangr
eeteachother.
”Myf av
ori
te
uncl
e

Hel aughswiththeuncleandtel
lshimt ogojoinhis
fr
iendsoutside.Hegoesont ogreetthecousins
si
tti
ngont hef l
oortheloudonewhom I ’
velearnedis
Memeaskshi mtohookhim upwithhishotf r
iend
withmoney .She’snolongergoi
ngbackt oBot swana
she’sremaininghere.Themotherfuelsthewhol e
conv er
sati
on.

Rightt
henaguywal ksinwit
haladyandt
wokids
busyonthei
rtabl
ets.Theli
tt
leonei
sevencar
ryi
ng
asmalldog.

“
Aaaht
hepr
odi
gal
sonj
ustent
ered.Bat
hong
Thapel
o.”Thel
oudaunt

IsqueezeNthabi
’shandasanassur
ancethatI
’
m
hereforyou.Thi
sisgoi
ngtobehardver
yhard.
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

(
Notedi
tedatal
l
.I'
m notf
eel
i
ngwel
l
)

#16

Thapel owal ksi nsi

deli
ket her ichunclehei s
proclaimedt obe.Hewal kslikeaguywi than
erecti
ont ryingt ohideitfrom peopl etosee.You
knowt hei
rwal kmos?Idon’ tknowi fithasdowi th
theembar rassmentofbei ngawayf orsuchal ong
ti
meandonl ycomingbackbecausey ourmot herI
s
deadori t
sj ustswag.Hi ssmel ltakesov erthewhol e
room Idon’ tknowhowmucht hatper fumecost sbut
i
tcanki l
lanybedsmel l inani nstantev enbadbr eath
.He’ swear i
ngawhi t
eshi rtwithav i
siblePolosign
ont opofi t
.Bei gelongpant sandsomev el
vetblack
l
oaf ersspot tingtheVer sacesi gn.
Youcan’
tmi
sst
hathim andSechabacamefrom t
he
samewombbuthe’
sthesophist
icat
edver
sionof
Sechaba.Sechabaisv
eryGhet
towhilewitht
hisone
youcanseehi sbodyi
susedtofor
mal wear,hi
s
bodyisusedtotheGym andeat
ingfancyEngli
sh
foodli
keSechabacall
sthem.He’
stall
erthanhim
Heget sinandt riest ogr eetSechababyext endi ng
hishandt owar dsbutSechabakeepshi shands
buri
edinsi dehispocket slookingathi ml i
kehe’ s
somepi eceofshi tlyi
ngi napubl ictoil
et.Youknow
howi r
ri
tatingthati s?Isl i
ghtlyfeelembar rassedon
hisbehalfaf t
ert hatst untSechabapul l
edbutt henI
remembert hathe’ nothingbutspazashopv ersion
ofmenandr i
ghtt henmyhear twear sajumpsui t.He
mov esov ertot heel der sandext endhishandf ora
handshake.Theyal lgr eethim askingwher ehashe
been,helooksgoodandal l
.MmeI sallemot ional
l
ookingathi m andt heyar etryingtocomf orther .
Sechabagi v
eshi m onemor eannoy edlookand
shakesandwal ksout .IaskNt habi i
fshewant st o
goshesay sno.She’ st oost rong.Iwouldhav er an.
Hegoesdownt okneelnextt
oMmeandt hr
owsher
i
nsidehi
sbigbroadshoulder
s.Shecr
iesandhe
comfort
sher.Idon’
tknowifshe’
scry
ingcosMme
DImphoisgoneorcr
yingfortheprodi
gal
son’
s
ret
urnormaybeamixtureofboth.
Thisgi vesmeachancet ot urnandl ookatt hewife
andy er r
rIdon’tknowwher et obegi nr eall
y.Girli
s
l
ooki ngl i
keshe’sonav acationatt heMal dives.
She’swear i
ngjeanbum shor tst hatar ej ustthesize
ofmyboyl egpanties, she’sr ockingt hem wi t
ha
ti
ghtt opt hatgiv
esy ouasneakpeakofherf l
at
tummyanddownshe’ sr ockingsomeGucci f
li
p
fl
opsl aphoShe’ sst i
l
l cov eri
ngherey eswi t
hsome
hugesungl asses.Sungl assesi nsidet hehouse
reall
y?Let lareboledishakudu.Ican’ tsayshe’ s
reall
ybeaut i
ful
allIcansayi ssheknowshowt o
bathorl etmer athercommentonherl ookswhen
she’swear i
ngsomet hi ngdecent .Idon’ twantt ol
ie
butI’m sohappyshe’ sl ookingl i
kesomef lozziei
n
frontoft hefamily.Icanseet heaunt iesgi vi
ngher
nastyl ooksandIbett heyar ejustwai tingforthat
moment
“Thapel
oarey ouwellmyson?”Mmef
inal
l
yasks
him af
terhercry
inghassubsi
ded
“
I’
m wel
lMama.Whathappened?
”Heaskswi
tha
concer
nedf
ace
TheBotswabaf amil
yli
stensattent
ivel
y.They’v
e
stoppedaskinghi
m anyquestions.t
heynev ergota
chancetoreall
yhearwhathappenedt omme
Dimphocost heywerestil
lgr
eetingandthrowing
shades,acti
ngall
holyandunclewant i
ngsome
boozelol.
“Theycal
ledusatt
hehospit
alt
oinfor
m usshe’s
ther
esick.Wewenttofet
chherandbroughther
home.Shespentherl
astdayshappy.
”
“Whatwaswrongwi
thher
?”Heasksl
i
kehe
genui
nel
ycar
ed
Mmecl ear
shert
hroatasifshe’
str
yingt
othi
nkofa
sui
tabl
ecauseofdeatht
oment i
on
“Cancer.Masechabakanabar ekeengthatcancer ?
”
Sheasksdirecti
nghereyesatmeandev erybody
shif
tsthei
rfocusonmei ncl udingThapelo.Hiseyes
l
andsatNt habiwho’ssit
ti
ngr ightnexttomeandI
seehisbodygoingintoat otalshockbuthe
decomposeshi mselfqui
cklyt r
y i
ngnottomake
anybodyaware.IlookatNt habi j
ustbef
or e
answeringIjustwanttoseeherr eact
ion.She’s
l
ookingathi m.Wowshe’ sbrav e.Ifi
nallymention
thatshediedfrom Kaposisarcomaaf terreal
i
zing
thatIkepteverybodywait
inglikePr overbsaboutto
announcet heIdolswi
nner.
“Thati
srel
atedt
oAi
dsmos.
”Ri
chauntsay
sitwi
th
noshame
“Di
mphodidn’
thaveAids.Shejustdi
edf
rom
cancer
.”Mmethrowsherdefensemode
RightthenIrealizet hatthest i
gmastil
l r
elat
edtoHiv
andAi dsisstil
lhi gh.It
’sbet
t ertosayshediedf r
om
cancerthanHi vandAi ds.Itotall
ydon’tunderst
and
whyi nthi
sgener ati
onwest illtakeHivli
keit’
ssome
taboo.Discr
imi nat i
ngthem liketheyarenotnormal
people.westillhav eal ongwayt ogobutshe’sold
andtheydon’ treal l
yhav emuchknowl edgeli
keus
theyoungsters.
“WhereisMakoti
?Youdidn’tcomewi
thher
.”The
staunchChr
ist
ianauntasks
Thapel
oturnst
olookbehi
ndhim scanni
ngtheenti
re
room l
ooki
ngfort
hei
rmakoti
.Hisey esf
inal
l
ycatch
herl
eaningbyt hewal l
withaphoneonherhand
whil
eherl i
tt
lerascal
sar ebusyont heirphonestoo.
They oungestofthem allispl
ay i
ngont hephone
whil
et heotherhandisbr ushi
ngt hedog.Theylook
l
iketheyareshoot i
ngar eali
tyTvshowy ouknow
somekeepi ngupwi ththeKar dashi
an’
sv ibe.
“Ther
eshei
s.Zibupleasecomeandgreetmy
famil
y.
”Hesayspointi
ngatherf
ir
stt
henwait
ingf
or
hertocome
“
I’
m sti
llr
espondi
ngt
oav er
yurgentemai
lfr
om
work.
”Itcomesmorel
ikeasnap
“I
st hather
?”Al
ltheaunt
saskatt
hesamet
ime.He
onlymanagestonod
Apparentlyt
heyonlyknowherfrom Facebookcos
noneoft hem wereinv
itedt
othewedding.Theyjust
sawpicturesonFacebook.Thisoneisnotonsome
koti
zavibesI’
mt ell
i
ngy ou.
“
Thapel
o?”Thel
oudauntcall
shi
snameinshock
wi
thherhandwr
appedaroundhermout
h
“Done.
”Makot
isayswhil
eshovi
ngthephoneinsi
de
herbagandapacketofci
gar
ett
esdropsonthefl
oor.
“OoopsIwouldhavediedi
fIdidn’
tspott
hem.
”She
sayslaughi
ngwhil
epicki
ngthem up.
Thapelolaughswithher.t
heyaretheonlytwo
l
aughingwhi l
etherestofusareshocked.Ilookat
Nthabiandshedoesn’tlooktoobad,I
’m suredeep
downshe’ sonsome“ Dudeyouleftmef ort
his
thi
ng?”Aretsibar
emapel ooj
aserathibutI’
ml ov
ing
thi
smakot ishame.
“
Hel
l
o.”Shesay
stot
her
ichaunt
“
You’
ret
heeMr
sMor
oka?
”Loudaunt
“
Iactual
lyprefermymai densurnamewhi chi
s
Mthi
yane.Ididn’tchanget oMorokaafterwegot
marr
iedsoitsZi buyi
le.Zibuy
il
eMt hi
yane.”
Aaahchesawenamaangi
rl
!Bar
ockemakot
i!
“
Yhoomehl
olo.
”Rudeauntcl
apsherhands
Shegoesont ogreetevery
bodyexpectformeand
Nthabi.StaunchChrist
ianaunti
swelcomingand
Mmegr eetsherwithasmi l
easki
ngherwhyshe
nevervisi
tedandbr i
nghergrandki
ds.Shecomplai
ns
thatshedoesn’tl
ikeLimpopocosi t
’st
oohotand
rur
alf
orher
.Herwor
katt
heuni
ver
sit
yisv
ery
demandi
ng.
Li
mpopot oor
ural
?May beshe’
st al
ki
ngabouta
certai
nLi
mpoposheusedt ovi
sitwit
hher
grandmot
heratni
ghtnottheNorthernLi
mpopo.
“Comeandgreetyourgr
andmot
herandaunt
sboy
s.”
Thapel
ocal
l
st hem
“
Noooo.I’
m pl
ayingagame.”Thesmallboy
r
espondsinarealpri
vat
eschoolEngl
i
sh.Hesounds
l
i
kehejustgotoffthepl
anefr
om theUk
“
Ionl
yhavegr
annyandauntsf
rom Kznnother
e
t
hat’
swhatmommyt ol
dus”Theol
derboy
Makotigigglesli
ketheyjustsol
vedtheGbv
pandemic.Sheseesnot hingwrongwitht
hem atal
l
.
I
’m notsayingI’m aperf
ectmotherbutPhodi
sowil
l
neverbehavelikethatshame
“
Theyarejustt
ir
edf
rom t
hel
ongdr
ive.
”Thapel
oto
t
herescue
“
Babecanwego?Youpr
omisedwenotst ayi
ngfor
t
oolongwej
ustcomi
ngtogreetonl
y.Ihaveemail
s
t
orespondt
o.”
“Ohyes.
”Thapelosaysashegetsupfrom t
he
mattr
ess.“I
’
llseeyoutomorrowmama.Thekidsar
e
ti
redandshehassomewor ktof
ini
shup.She’
sa
prof
essoratWitsUniv
ersi
ty.
”
Si
l
ence….
Nooneisimpressedwit
hheraboutanythi
ngIbet
eveni
fshehadt hepowertowakeMMeDi mhoup
noonewouldstil
lbeimpressedwi
thherhaisuka.
“
Wher
ear
eyouguy
sgoi
ng?
”St
aunchChr
ist
ianaunt
“
We’vecheckedi
natHansMeresky
.Wegoi
ngt
obe
t
her
euntilaf
tert
hef
uneral
.”
Nobodyanswerstheyallsuppresstheirshock.When
theypassnextt
ousIdon’ tseehishandsomeness
anymore.Iseeapieceofshit.Nthabidoesn’tl
ookat
them
“Heisbewi
tched.Ther
eisaf
amousnyangain
ZimbabweatLuveveweneedtot
akehi
mt her
e.”The
l
oudaunt
Ei
sht
heybet
ternotent
ert
aint
hatmuchcosNt
habi
wi
llst
il
lbel
i
evethem andholdont
ohi
m.Sheneeds
t
oletgoofthatar
rogantj
erk
-
--
--
Whenwegoout sideThapel
oisbusygr eet
ingsome
people.Makotii
snowher ei
nsightsoIdon’tknowif
she’swaiti
ngforhiminthecarorifshehaslefthi
m
here.Nthabihol
dsontomyhandandwewal k
str
aighttotheki
tchen.
“Doyouwantust
osi
tint
her
oom f
orawhi
l
e?”Iask
her
“
Yespl
ease.Mywhol
ebodyi
str
embl
i
ng.
”
“I
t’
sokayletsgoorwecant akealongwal krather
coswe’regoingtogetdistur
bedinther oom
anywaysmostoft hewor khereisdone.Onl ythe
aft
ernooncookingleftboMisoandt heot herladies
canassitwi
thservinggueststhatarr
ive.”
Justasweareget
ti
ngreadytogetoutoftheki
tchen.
Thapel
owalksi
n.Westandinshock.Helooksatus
andrunshi
shandthr
oughhisbaldhead
“
Ummm canwet
alk?
”Hesay
slooki
ngatNt
habi
.No
gr
eet
ingsnonot
hing
Shelooksatmeandthenbackathi
m.Thelooki
ng
aroundget
shimimpati
entIcanj
ustseei
tinhi
s
eyes.
“Uhmm fi
net
heni
fyouwantt
odot
hisr
ighti
nfr
ont
ofher
.I…”
“
Nowecangot
othebedr
oom and…”Shesay
s
Hecut shershor t.“
Not hatwon’tbenecessar y.Look
Zibuisnotcomf ort
ablewithyouar oundher eandits
total
lyunder
st andableaftert
hewayy ouusedto
harassusint hepast .She’st
hreateningtoleaveand
Ican’thavethat.Shei sfamil
yandy ou’r
enotfami l
y.
”
Thener
ve!Iwishthi
swashi
sfuner
al.ISweart
his
guydi
neswiththedevi
l
“Eksevotsek.I
fthereisanybodyleavi
nghereit’
syou
nother.Otl
waelamar etesondon’tcomeher ewith
yourSanthinit
endencies.Ar
eyev ot
sekandgomake
rul
esinyourownhousenother e.”I
tsSechaba.Gosh
wheredidhecomef rom?Santhinii
sSandtonI
guess
“
Don’
ttal
ktomel
i
keI
’
myourmat
eSechaba.I
’
m not
y
ourt
ype.”
“I
’l
ltalktoyouany howIwantandt hereisnot
hing
youcando.Er ehachi
?Heeer ehachii
.”Hesays
putt
ingthepl ateonthekitchencounterandpushing
him.“Getthef uckoutofher ewit
hy ourfakel
ife.We
don’tneedy ouhere.Youwal kedoutont hisf
ami l
y
soyoudon’ tgettohav easayandmakeany
demands.Shei sstay
ingifyourwhor eisnot
comf ort
abl
egett hefuckoutofher ewi t
hher.”The
wordsar ebackedupwi t
hsomepushi ng
“
Abut
iit
sfi
neI
’
llgo.
”Nt
habi
“
Iwil
lneverhar
assyou.Thatwasal
ongt
imeago.
”
Herwordsareusher
edbytears
Theki
dscomer
unni
ng.Neoi
sint
hef
ront
“
Mamawhoi
sthi
smanpushi
ngdaddy
?”Neoasks
Ohmywor d.Hiski
dsknowSechabaasthei
rfather
coshepr
actical
lyr
aisedt
hem.Theydon’
tknowt he
manpushi
ngdaddyi sact
ual
lydaddyandSechabais
uncl
e.
Nthabidoesn’ tanswerhi
m.Sher unsi nt
ot heroom
cryi
ng.Theaunt scomeout.Idon’tstandtol i
stent
o
anyofthis.theywi l
lsol
veit
.IrunafterNthabi.Idon’
t
supportviolencebutIhopeSechababeat sthecrap
ofhisSant hinioutofhi
m
“You’r
ewaybet tert
hanherinsomanyway s.Ir
eall
y
don’tknowwhathesawi nherbutyou’r
eway
bett
er.”That’
sthefi
rstt
hingIsaywhenIwalkin.
Whatdoy ousaytosomeoneinasituat
ionli
kethi
s?
She’
sthr
owi
ngcl
othesi
nsi
deapl
ast
icbag
“Thenwhyishenotwit
hmet hen?”Shest
ops
packingandl
ooksatme.WhenIcan’tIpr
ov i
dean
answershegoesbacktot
hrowingthi
ngsinsideher
plast
ic.
“
Nthabi
pleasedon’
tgo.Mmeneedsy ouri
ghtnow.
Wearefamil
yyoucan’
tlethi
m dest
royusplease”
Shedoesn’
tli
stenshejustconti
nuesthrowi
ngstuff
i
nsidet
heplasti
cuntil
sheev ent
uall
ylosesal
lthe
powerandenergy.Shesit
sdownsl owlyandcri
es
“
OhhhNt
habi
.”
Ihol
dherv
eryt
ight
ly.
“
Whyme?
”Sheshout
sout
“
Thistooshal
lpass.He’
snotwor
thy
ourt
ear
s
Nthabi
.”
RightthenMisowalksinsidewi t
htheli
tt
lewhor e
cousinfrom Moshupa.She’scar ryi
ngabriefcasein
herhandandal ett
er.Ohf l
ipt hat’
sthebri
efcase
MmeDi mphotoldmeabout .Shedr opseverythi
ng
downwhensheseesNt habi cryi
ng
“
WhyisMmagoNeocr y
ing?
”Shedoesn’
twai
tfor
myanswerbutr
unst
oher
Ipickt hel ett
erandbr i
efcase.Theenv elopei s
opened.Myey esfallonsomet hi
ngandt henIknow
thi
sf ami lyisaboutt obedest royed.Howdi dshe
expectmet oshar ethiswi ththem?Nowi t’snott he
ti
met ot hinkaboutt his.IfoldItandshov ei ti nsi de
myapr onpocket s.IlookatMi socomf ortingNt habi.
Shelooksv erynormal andtherei snowayshewoul d
havel ookedt hiswayi fshehadr eadthel etter .Ihug
Nthabi .Iwi l
ldeal wit
ht hislett
ert hi
ngissuel at er.
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds
#17

Isi
tdownonthefloorhol
dingNthabiaf
teraski
ng
Misoandthel
it
tl
ewhor ecousi
ntoleaveandgiveus
somepri
vacy.

“
Nthabi
pleasedon’
tgopl
ease.
”Ibegher

“I
’ml eav i
ngI’
mr eal
lydonewi ththisfamily
.You
knowi t’snotjustaboutwhatThapel odid.alsothe
wayMmebehav edr ightinfr
ontofme.howcanshe
entertainthatladyrightinmyf ace?Shel ookedv er
y
happyt ofi
nall
ymeetherandev enaskedwhyshe
nevercal l
sandal lt
hat.Notev enoncedidshet hink
howIf elt
.Iwast heref orherIneverlef
thersidebut
shej ustarri
vesandIgett ossedout si
de?Ifeel
betrayed.”

Wowj
ustwow.Idon’
thav
eacomebackf
ort
hisone.
Ihonest
lydi
dn’
tev
enseet
hingst
hatway
.

“Mmei snat
urall
yagr eatper
sonNt
habithat
’sjusti
n
hernatur
e.I
’m sureshedidn’
tmeantohurtyouin
anykindofway.”

“Nosheshoul dn’thaveactedthatwayinf rontofme

andhowcanshebehappyt oseeThapel oaft er
everyt
hinghedi d?Hewal kedoutonher ,me, hiskids
andsiblingsyetsheactedsohappyt oreunit
ewi t
h
him.whycoul dn’tshechasehim awaylikeshe
alwaysdi dwit
hSechabawhenhedoesbadt hings?
FormewhatThapel odi
disthewor stebil
eSechaba
turnedoutthatwaycoshehadt olookafterthem.I
feelsobet r
ayedbyherInev erthoughtshecoul d
evertreatmel i
kethat.She’
sasnake. "

Ireal
lythi
nkshe’sdi
rect
ingherangeratt
hewr ong
personreal
lyorshej
ustwantsev er
ybodytohate
Thapelofordoi
ngherwr ong.
“Whatishappeni
ng?Areyouguysokay
?”I
ts
SechabaIdidn’
tevenseehi
m walki
ngi
n

“
Nthabi
say
sshe’
sleav
ing.
”Isay

“
Why
?”Heasks

Idon’tknowi fIshoul
dment ionwhatshesai dabout
MmebutIt hinkthatwouldbei nappropri
atebutheyI
reall
yhopeIwi llbeabl
et okeepi ti
nsideduri
ng
pil
lowtalks.Nobodygossi psli
keacoupl emadlyin
l
ov e.Youcanev ensay“ Babyyouknowmeandmy
grandmot herusedtotraveltoCapet ownatnight
usingabr oom.”

Si
l
ence.
..
“He’
sgoneyoudon’
thav
et oworryaboutmeet
ing
him.Hewentbackt
oSanthini
toget
herwit
hhisli
tt
le
famil
y”
“Ist
il
lwantt
ogoIdon’tcar
eifhe’
sgoneorwhat
Abuti
.”Nt
habir
esponds

“
Mamacanwet
alkout
side?
”Heasksme.

Igetupandf ollowhi m outsi

de.Hisar
mi swr apped
aroundmywai staswe’ rewalki
ngoutside.Ispotan
oldwhitemanIhav eneverseenbefor
eev ersince
thestar
tofthef uneral
.He’ssit
ti
ngoutsidewith
Leagoonhisl ap.She’ sgotsweetsinherhandand
he’sbusybr
ushi ngherback.

“Sechabawhoist
hatman?”Idon’
tknowwhybutmy
hearti
sbeati
ngagai
nstmychest

“
That’
sAndredeVi
ll
ier
s.Thefi
rstmanmymot
her
wor
kedforwhenshearri
vedi
nSa.”

“
Didy
ouj
ustsayAndr
edeVi
l
li
ers?
”Iaski
ntot
al
pani
c.Idon’tevenwaitforhi
sanswer.Ir
untothe
manandgr abLeagoawayf r
om hi
m wenearl
yf al
l
ontheground.Helooksatmeshockedsodoes
ever
ybodysitti
ngnexttohim wi
tnessi
ngthescene.

“Waphekanawenangwany anawaSechaba? ”Uncle

askslookingannoyedlikeIjusttookoutbreadoutof
hismout h(AreyoucrazySechaba’ sgir
l?)“
Yer
rrrr
Maaanwhydoy ouguy schooset hem bad?Fi
rsti
t
wasmot ogol
oThapelowi ththatwhoreofawi feand
nowist hisoneacti
ngal l
crazygr abbi
ngachil
d
awaywi thoutgr
eeti
ngBaas?Whati swrongwith
you?”Heshout s

“
Leagogobacki
nsi
det
her
oom now.
”Ishoutather

“Nounclelekgowatoldmetocomeandsi twi
thhi
m.
hegavemesweet slook?
”Shepoi
ntsi
nsideher
handful
lofsweets.“Andhesai
dhewillgiveme
more.I’
m notleav
ing.”
Whati swrongwi thkids?Theywi llgetexci
tedfrom
getti
ngsweetsf rom strangerswhilewehav ethe
samesweet sr i
ghtinsidet hehouse.theyhavea
tendencyofembar r
assingy ouasify ou’
renot
capableofaffordingthem t hi
ngs.Leagobetternot
getonmyner v esnowcosI ’
m notinthemoodt o
negotiat
ewithherasf orthisdrunkoldmanIdon’ t
evenwantt oengagehi m atall
.

“Madalahowsi t?”Sechabasaysasheshakeshands
withthemanobv iouslyhappytoseehim.Hel ooks
atmewi t
ht hatcomeandsayhi ml ookbutIdon’t.
I’
mj ustholdingont i
ghttoLeagowhoi str
yingto
escapef r
om myt i
ghtgrip

“Whatiswr ongwi t
hher?Shenearl
yhur
tthepoor
chi
ld.”Thewhitemansay slooki
ngannoyedbut
tr
yingtohideit.Icanseehe’
sannoyedhecan’tf
ool
me

Sechabamakessomesmal
ltal
kswi
tht
hem bef
ore
t
urni
ngt
omeaski
ngforustogoandtal
kinpri
vat
e.I
f
oll
owhi
mtot
hecarsti
lldr
aggi
ngcr
yingLeago

“Whyar eyoubri
ngi ngherwi
thyou?I
t’
sobv iousshe
stil
lwantstochil
lwi t
hmlunguanduncle.Iwantto
discusspri
vatestuffwit
hyouMadzaleniyoucan’t
comewi ththechild.”

Madzaleni
?*Si
gn*Iknowhe’
smadwithmewhen
heresor
tst
otheful
lnamecal
li
ngorr
atherr
eal
name

“Leagoitsei
theryouar
ecomingwi t
hmeory ou’
re
goinginsi
detheroom t
ositwithy
ourmother.
”Isay
tohernotpay i
ngatt
ent
iontowhatSechabaj
ustsaid.
Heev encall
edmeMadzal eni
soI’m ki
ndofmad
withhim.

“Whywouldshedothatwhi
leot
herki
dsarebusy
play
ingout
side?Whati
swrongwit
hyou?”Hesnaps
atme.Hepul
l
smeawayandLeagor
unsaway
.

Ipushhi m allmadwhi l
eheopensthedoordraggi
ng
mei nside.Wej ustgavepeopl
esomef r
eedramaas
ever
y bodyisnowwat chi
ngus.Hegetsinsi
dethecar
andst art
sit.Ibangthewindowsbefor
ej umpi
ngon
hi
m pul li
nghisTshirt

“
Whatthef
uckiswr
ongwit
hyou?Ar
eyouf
ucken
mad?
”Hescreamsatme

“
Opent
hisdoorIwantt
oleav
e.”Iscr
eam

Hisfri
endsandacoupleofladi
esIrecogni
zefrom
thebrothelcomeandsurr
oundthecar.oneknocks
bythewi ndowsandbegshimtoopen.Her ol
l
st he
windowj ustali
tt
le

“
Nat
ionnt
jay
ami
dint
shangbr
a?”Heasksl
ooki
ngal
l
concer
ned

“I
t’
snothi
ng.Youguysneedtogobacky
ou’
re
drawi
ngunnecessar
yatt
enti
onher
e.”

“
Okayj
ustopent
hedoorandl
etherout
.”

“Gett
hefuckoutofmycar
.”Hescr
eamswi
thout
evenl
ookingatme

Iopenthedoorandgetout
.Hecanbeall
madI
real
l
ydon’tcar
e.IcomeacrossNt
habi
holdi
ngsome
ofherstuf
f

“
I’
ll
comebackandgett
her
estoft
hest
uffaf
tert
he
f
uneral
.”

“
Cany
oupl
easel
eav
ewi
thLeagoatl
east
?”
Shegivesmeabi t
chyl
ookbef oreplaci
ngherhand
onherhipsdramati
cal
l
y.“Wowsoy oucan’tl
ook
aftermykidsnowMonethu?Iwascomi ngbackto
getbothherandNeoafterI’
vesett
leddownbutif
youdon’twanttol
ookafterthem t
henitsfi
neI’
ll
takethem.”

“
Nthabi
it’
snotl
i
ket
hat
.”

Sheraisesherhandt ostopmef rom tal

kingand
l
ooksar oundf orherkidswhi l
eshouti
ngt hei
rnames
theycomer unningandshest art
sdraggingthem.
Theyar ecry
inganddon’ twantt oleav
ebutshet ells
them shewillgivethem ahi di
ngandtheyf i
nall
ygo
withhercryi
ng.Ihat eThapel oi
fIgettomar ryi
nt hi
s
famil
yIwi l
lpretendlikeI’
m servi
nghimf oodand
takehotwat ertowashhi shandsanddr opt hedish
deli
beratel
ytobur nhisballs.
Onabr
ight
ernot
eI’
m gl
adLeagoi
soutofsi
ght

I’
mr eadyforthi
sfuner
altoendnowcosifitdoesn’
t
endt heyar
egoingtoburymewi thMmeDi mpho.At
l
eastt omorr
owi t
’saFri
dayjustonedayl
eftandit
’s
allover.

“Bri
ngussomemeathere.”Theuncl
esaystomeas
I
’m maki
ngmywaybacki nsidet
hehouse.Ij
ust
pret
endli
keIhear
dnot
hingandcontinuewal
king

“Wheredotheygettheseusel
essgir
ls?Thatonewa
Thapel
oatleastshe’
sbeautif
ult
hisoneomaswe
kamowi t
habigtummyl ikeshe’
spregnant
.
Nonsonso.”

GoshIfeell
ikekill
i
nghim andburyi
nghi
mr i
ghtnow
aft
ert
hatresurrecthimjustt
okil
lhi
m agai
nbutI’
ll
keepmycool .Iconti
nuewalki
ngli
keIhear
dnothi
ng
-
--
--
I
t ’
ssohardtosleepwit
houtNthabi
.Imissherso
terr
ibl
y.It
rycal
l
ingherbutshedoesn’
tanswersoI
decidetosendat ex
t

Me:Il
ovey
ousomuchMonethu.I
’l
lbewai
ti
ngf
or
youwheny
ou’
rer
eadyt
otal
kagain.
”sent
.

Nowl etmet rytosl eep.Sl eepcomessoeasi ly

surprisi
ngl yIt hi
nki t’
sbecauseofal ltheupand
downs.WhenIwasl eav i
ngt hehouseatar ound
pass10Sechaba’ ssi sterwasj ustwalkingi nwi th
herPaki stanhusbanddr ivi
nga1400baki e.Hol di
ng
somecut et oddler s.Firstthingsheaskedf orwasa
bir
thcer t
if
icat eforhercl aimsshewasn’ tev en
i
nterest edwhent heywer eintroduci
ngusal lshe’s
i
nterest edini sabi r
thcer ti
ficatesoIjustexcused
my selfcost heaunt swer einsulti
ngheronsomeshe
camev eryl atetot hef uneral blabl
aandal lshe
caresabouti smaki ngext racashsooet sal ehula
haol eyamphedi sal aphoi t’
sherownmot her .I
’l
l
catchupwi thheraf t
ershegothercer t
ifi
cat ecosI
knowMmewi l
lgi
veher.SheaskedwhereisNthabi
bythewayandItoldhershe’sf
eeli
ngabitunderthe
weathersoshe’
srest
ing.Ican’
tbeaddi
ngmor e
str
essonher.

Ifeelcoldhandst ouchingmeandIdon’tj
umpcosI
knowt hishands.whendi dhecomein?Ithoughthe
wasmadwi thme.We’ vebeeni
gnori
ngeachother
eversincethatincidentwehadduri
ngtheday.He
feel
smemov i
ng

“
Arey
ousl
eepi
ng?
”Hewhi
sper
s.

“
YesIwassl
eepi
ng.
”

Hest ar
tskissingmyneck.Het hrowssomelight
bit
esandbl owssomeai rthensuckandlickuuuhhh
thefeel
ingisamazi ng.Hisrighthandi
ssqueezing
mybumst heot heronesqueezingmybr east
s.The
breathi
ngget sheavierandheav i
er
“
Sechabano.y
ouneedt
ost
opi
t.
”

“
Why
?Ineedy
ou.
”

“
Wehav
eki
dsi
nthi
sroom.
”

Miso,
thel
i
ttl
ewhore,
Thato,
andsomegi
rlar
e
sl
eepi
ngonthef
loorwhi
lePhodi
soi
sonthebed
wi
thme.

“Theyaresleepi
ngtheywon’thearany
thi
ng.Iwon’
t
takelongIpromiseplease.
”Hesaysashetri
esto
partmylegs

“
Sechabano.
”

“OkayIwon’
tdoanyt
hing.Ij
ustwanttoputiti
nsi
de
only,
Iwon’
tthr
ust
.Kenokgumi shaf
elaIpromise
nkaser
otepl
easeIj
ustwantt
ofeel
you.
”

“
Sechabast
opi
tyou’
regoi
ngt
owaket
heki
dsup.
”

“Let’
sgoandbooksomewher e.Youcanbr
ingmy
poppealongI’
llbr
ingyouguysear
lyint
hemorni
ng
beforeever
ybodyelsewakesupIpromi
seyou.
”

“
NoSechaba.
”

“
Ilov
eyoumot
heroft
heNat
ion.
”

“
Sechabaaaa….
.”

“
Areyoumadaboutwhathappened?I
’
m sorr
yfor
t
alki
ngt
oyoul
ikethat
.Nowlet’
sgoplease.
”

Sechabai
sapol
ogi
zi
ng?He’
ssobadwi
thget
ti
ng
thosewordsoutofhismout hi
nst
eadhewil
lshow
youwithacti
ons.Hemustbesodamnhor ny
becausewowhuh- uh!
.Indeedmenwil
ldoanyt
hing
j
usttogetiti
nside

“
Let
’sgoout
sideandt
alk.Goandwai
tformei
nsi
de
t
hecar.
”

If
indhimreadywhenIcomeout
.Theengi
nei
s
al
readyr
unning

“Wher
eismypoppe?It
houghtwewer
eleav
ingwi
th
her
.”

“ThatmanAndr edeVil
li
ersheforcedhimsel fon
yourmotherwhenshewasy oung.”Ihadtosayit
fi
rstbef
orewet al
kaboutanythingelseIalsofel
tli
ke
try
ingtojust
if
ymyact i
onsyouknowt hatstuntI
pull
edduringtheday
“
What
?Ar
eyouf
uckenki
ddi
ngme?

“Yesshegavemealett
erthat
’st
hereasonwhyshe
behavedt
hewayshedid.Itwasherwayofdeal
ing
witht
hepain.I
’
m sor
rySechabaandyouruncl
e
knew.He…”

“
Giv
emet
hedamnl
ett
er.
”

Ihandhimthel
ett
er.Hescansi tandbangst
he
star
ri
ngwheell
i
kehe’sdirecti
ngallhi
sanger
towardsi
t.“
Gobackinsi
det hehouse.
”

“Sechabay ouknowIr eal

l
ygetwhyshebehav edthat
way .Ioncereadthatsomer apevi
ct i
mst ur
ni nt
osex
addictstodealwiththepain.Shealsoresented
everybodyforprai
singhim andseenherasal it
tl
e
spoiltbr
atseekingunnecessaryatt
ention”
“
Leav
eMadzal
eni
.Getoutnow”

Idon’
tpr
otestany
mor
e.Igetoutoft
hecarandl
eav
e

Iheartheengi
neroar
inglikeal
ionouttogetit
sprey
.
OnlyIKnowcanmaket hatsound.Onl
ytonighti
ts
gett
ingmescarycosI’m noti
nsidewi
thhim.
-
--
--
“Isaidi
ttheseboy
schosebad.Whosleepsunti
l12
duringt
hedaywhentherei
sfuner
alandpeopleneed
allt
hehelp?”

It
’sav oi
ceIhearfrom deepinmysl eepunt
il
somebodyshakesme.Iopenmyey esf r
om mydeep
sleep.Misoissi
tt
ingnexttome.t heauntsanduncl
e
aresurroundi
ngme.itwast hatunclewhosaid
thosewor ds

“
Whodoy
ouex
pectt
olookaf
tery
ourchi
l
dwhi
l
eyou
sl
eepti
llsol
ate?Wor
sewehav
eaf
uner
alt
odayi
ts
Fr
iday
.”Rudeaunt

I
’
m st
il
ldr
owsyandal
l
.

“Hawushemusthavebeenveryti
red.Theyworked
sohardpl
easegi
veherabreak,Idon’
tgetwhyy ou
evenhadt
owakeherup.”StaunchChrist
ianaunt

“Sheknowsevery
thingaroundheret
hat’
swhyakere
Thapel
ogotthatotheroneangryandshelef
t?Onl
y
togobacktoSanthiniwi
ththatZi
buofhisakgsi
s
maan.”Rudeaunt

Ri
ghtt
henLebonecomesi
nrunni
ng

“Guysj
ustgotthenewsthatMrdeVil
l
erswokeup
deadinhishotel
room.Hewasfounddeadi
nside
thebatht
ub.”
“Whoisthat
?”Theyaskherpuzzl
ed.Onl
yuncl
eis
notpuzzl
ed

“ThewhitemanMmewor kedf
orwhenshefi
rst
arr
ivedhere.I
’m happyhe’
sdeadthewor
ldwil
lnow
beabetterplace.”

“
Don’
tspeaki
l
loft
hedeadLebone.
”Uncl
e

“
Ausimustnotbetoldaboutthi
sokay.Shemustnot
f
indoutunt
ilaf
tert
hefuneral
.
”Richaunt

Igetoutofthebedandwal kout .Theydon’

teven
seemecost heyar
ebusydi scussingthi
smy st
eri
ous
death.IneedtoseeSechabat odayhewi l
ltal
kIneed
answersandIneedt hem r
ightnowot herwiseweare
buryi
nghimt ootomorrow.
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#18

Idi
alhisnumberaft
erIdidn’
tfi
ndhiminhi
sroom.
Hetel
lsmehe’ sout
side.WhenIgett
hereIfi
ndhim
wit
hagr oupofguysbusylooki
ngathi
scar.The
bumperhasf al
l
enoffandtherear
esomescratches
j
ustaroundthedri
ver
’sdoor.
“Hey
.Yougood?”Heasksinav er
yti
ringvoi
ce.As
muchasitsoundst
ir
ingbuti
t’
sstil
lsexyashell
.Hi
s
armiswr
appedaroundmywai st
“
Whathappenedt
othecar
?”
“Idon’
tknow.Iwokeupandfoundi
texact
lyl
iket
his.
Someonet ookmycarl
astni
ghtandwentoutwit
h
i
t.”
Doesthi
sguyt
hinkI
’
m suchaf
ool
?Thi
sisev
idence
enough
“Canwetal
kinpri
vat
e?”Iaskhimtry
ingsohar
dto
keepcal
m undert
hecir
cumstances.
Wewal
kawayf
rom t
hepeopl
eandf
indaqui
tespot
.
“
Whot
ooky
ourcar
?”IaskasIr
emov
ehi
shandsof
f
me
“Idon’
tknowi
tmusthav
ebeenoneoft
hedr
unk
guys.”
Howdoesonet akeyourcarandy oudon’teven
noticeanyt
hing?IknowIdon’ townanycaranddon’ t
evenknowhowt ogetacarmov ingbutnoonecan
takesomethingpr eci
ouslikeacarandy ounev er
noticeit
.Wher ewashewheni twastaken?Iknow
he’scrazyi
nl ovewiththatcarsohe’sreall
ycrazyto
thi
nkI ’
l
lbel
ievesuchl i
es.
“Real
l
ySechaba?Somebodyt
akesy ourcarandy
ou
havenoi
deawhoi ti
s?Howisthatpossibl
e?”
“What
’swr
ongwi
thy
ou?
”Heaskswi
thaf
rownon
hi
sface
“Iknowyoukil
ledhi
m.youwentt oHansMer ensky
l
astnightandkil
l
edhim.lookSechabaI’
m notgoing
tobewi t
hsomeonewhor esolvet
okill
i
ngsasaway
ofsolvi
ngthi
ngs.Iwon’
t.Iwil
lnotputmysel
fandmy
chil
dundersuchdanger
.”
“
Whatt
hef
uckar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?”
“
Ander
edeDev
il
li
ers?Iknowy
ouki
l
ledhi
m.”
Heact sshockedli
kehe’sheari
ngabouthisdeath
forthefi
rstt
imeandt hatpi
ssesmeof fmor e.I
t’
s
onet hi
ngtoknowaboutsomet hi
ngbuti
t’
sanot her
thi
ngt oactl
ikeafoolandpretendli
keyouknow
nothingaboutit
.He’smakingmesomadr ightnow
“
Whatt
hef
uckar
eyouonabout
?”
That’
sitI’
mleavingbef
oreIsaysomethi
ngI ’
m going
toregr
et.I
’m notgoi
ngtobeplayedf
oraf ool.It
urn
tr
yingtowalkawayandhegr absmyhand
“Don’
teverdothat
.Don’twalkawaywhil
eI’
mt al
ki
ng
toyou.
”Histoneisful
lofanger.Whyi
sheev enmad?
Ishoul
dbet heoneangryhere
“
OrelsewhatSechaba?What
?youwil
lki
l
lmet
oo?I
f
eell
i
keamadeami st
akewi
thy
ou.
”
““
Noonei sperf
ectt
hepr obl
em ishighexpectati
ons.
Trut
hisallmenhaveshityoujustneedtochoose
yourshi
t,mol
ditandlearntoli
vewithitbutifyou
wanttogoit’
sokayyoucango. ”
I’
m moreangrynowbecausehe’
stel
l
ingmet hatI
cango.Youknowwomencanj ustst
artafi
ghtjust
forat
tent
ionfel
a.I
t’
snicet
obebeggedtostaybut
hereheistel
li
ngmeIcango.Forwhat?Fort
elli
ng
himthetrut
h?I’
m donewit
hhim.
“Soyouadmitt
haty
ouki
l
ledhi
m?t
hesamewayy
ou
kil
l
edevery
one?”
“Idon’
thav
eti
met oent
ert
ainthi
s.Idi
dn’
tki
ll
anyone
butify
ouwanttogiv
emet hatti
tl
eil
lgl
adl
yaccept
i
t.”
Hewal ksawayandgoesbackt ojointheguys
surroundinghiscar.Iwat chhim walkingawayand
reali
zehowmuchi twil
lkill
mei fthatwalkhadt obe
permanent .Il
ov ehim despitet
hef actthathe’
sa
kil
lerandev eryt
hingbad.Ican’tswi t
chof ft
his
feeli
ngsIhav eforhim.Ilov ehi
m somuchbutt hen
i
si tnottoor i
skytostaywi thsomeonel ikehim?
-
--
--

Lehal
eful
ebohal
e
Lekgaol
atshi
utsaka
Kesant
sekel
ekahor
ehol
oki
l
ehol
oki
l
e
Felahakenalewenabohlokongledi
hlor
isonghohl
e
ntatekent
seker
eholoki
l
ehol oki
l
e….
Thel adyi ssingingt hesongi nav er
yemot i
onalway .
TheCof f
inismaki ngi t
swayoutoft hecarandI
keeponaski ngmy sel
fholokilekannet ena?People
arecr yi
ngast hecof fi
nmakesi t
swayoutandwe
arewal kingbehi ndi tsoslowl y.IlookatSechaba
he’soneoft hemenhol di
ngt hecof fi
nthatismaking
i
tswayi nsidet hehouse.r ightatt hatmomentI
forgetalltheangerIf elti
nside.Tomor r
owisnot
guaranteedandIdon’ twanthi mt odi ewhil
eI’m st
il
l
angrywi thhim.r ightthenatt hatmomentIchoset o
l
etgoofev erythi
ngandl ovehi m mor eandmor eand
mor e.Iimagi neifitwashi mi nsidet hatcof
finand
thatthoughtshat tersme.Idon’ twantt olosehimt o
deathorany thing.Hel ovesmet hatoneIknowand
l
ikehesai dallmenhav etheirshi tyoujustneedto
pickoneandmol di t
.Hehadar easonf ordoingwhat
hedi dandi thasnot hingtodowi thme.
Ilookatal lthesepeopl ecr yingandIr eleaset hatthe
i
ssomet hingaboutdeat ht hatmakespeopl er elate.
Youdon’ tneedt oknowt hedeceasedt oexper i
ence
alltheemot i
ons.Thi smomenther ehasawayof
tri
gger i
ngal lthepaint haty ouhav etri
edsohar dt o
buryinsi dei tjustresurrect st hem.I ’
m sur ethat
someoft hesepeopl ecr yingher etheyr emembert he
dayt hatcof fi
nmadei tswaybackhome.Youknow
duringt heweeky oudon’ tr eal l
ygett of eeli
tso
muchcost her earealway speopl emov i
ngar ound,
guest sar r
iving, f
oodt opr epar e,fri
endscomi ngov er,
thatchillaswi thcousinsandf r
iendsy ouev enf orget
whati sr eallygoingonbutt henwhent hecof fi
n
comesbackhomer ealityhi tshar dy ounowr eali
ze
thaty ourwor stnightmar ei sgoi ngtohaunty ou
forevert hati ndeedy ourl ovedonei sgonet hati t
wasn’ tjustaf amilygat her i
ngbuti twasi ndeedt hei r
fi
nal farewel l onearth.
Mme’ scri
esarehyst
eri
cal
.Theypier
cer i
ghtthrough
theheartIt
hinki
t’
sfi
nall
ysinki
nginthatindeedher
daughteri
sgone.Youknowt hi
smomentr i
ghthere
wil
lmakey oufor
getthatt
herearepeoplearound,it
wi
l
lmakey
ouYouwi
l
lfeastony
ourt
ear
s.
Kesant
sekel
ekahor
ehol
oki
l
ehol
oki
l
e….
Holoki
lena?isitfi
netoloseyourl
ovedonel
i
ket
his?
i
sitokaytoforgetandaccept
?
Theyopenthecoffinandweal lgat
herar
oundtogo
andviewherbody.Mmef al
lsdownandstruggl
eto
walkagai
n.theycarryherbutsti
llf
ail
tol
if
therup.
hersi
ster
sfallonthefloorwit
hherandtheyall
cry
.
IseeSechabat r
y i
ngsohar dtost opt hetearsf rom
comi ngout .He’st r
yingt obeamanhe’ st ry
ingt o
l
ivebyt hesay ing“ Monnakenkuol lel
akat eng”but
thi
smomentr ighther eitdoesn’tchosei fyou’rea
manorawoman.Deat hispainful.Imov efrom t he
backandgost raightinthef r
ontandpul lhimi nsi de
myar msandhel et
si tallout
.Hecr i
esf orhis
mot her,hecr i
esf oralltheplanshest il
lhadf ort he
bothoft hem.Whatdoy ousayt osomeonei na
momentl ikethis?thathol oki
le?It akeachai rand
helphim si tdownwhi leItakemi neandsi tri
ghtnext
tohim.hi sheadi sboweddown.Ipat i
entlysitwi th
him unti
l hecan’ tcrynomor e.
It
’salateSatur
dayafter
noonchill
ers.Wedoingthe
aftert
earsthekasiway.SechabaandIjustcan’
t
keepourhandsof feachother
.
Ididn’
tevenseeNthabiwhenshel
eft
.I’
l
lhavetocal
l
herandhopeful
lywecanhav eapr
operchatnow
thatever
ythi
ngisover
.
“
Wesleepi
ngoutt
oni
ghtne?
”Heaskswhi
l
eki
ssi
ng
myneck
“
Yeswear
e.”
“Ican’twai
ttofuckyou.”Goshhe’ssucha
compound.Ihithishandandactal lmad, whatki
nd
ofaguysay sthat?If
eel soi
nsult
edy etturnedonat
thesamet i
me.“ You’
regoingtostopactingall
chil
dishonceIfuckyou.Youwi l
lneverthreatent
o
l
eav eme.”Whydoest hatturnmeon?
Apol
i
cecarstops.Whoistryi
ngtoruinourfunnow?
t
wopoli
ceoff
icersgetoutandwalktowardsus
“
SechabaMor
oka.
”
“
Yeah?
”Heanswer
sashet
akesasi
pofhi
sdr
ink
“
Youneedt
ocomet
othest
ati
onwi
thust
oanswer
somequest
ion.
”
“
Whatquest
ions?
”
“i
t’
sinconnect
ionwit
hthemurderofAnder
ede
Vil
li
ers.Weneedyourst
atement
.”
Heki ssmeont hecheek.“I’
llbebacksoonplease
don’tpanicandnotawor daboutt histot
hefamil
y
moreespeci al
lyOulady. ”Heki ssesmeagainthi
s
ti
mepassi onatelyonmyl ips.“Iloveyouandwe’r
e
sti
ll
goi ngtofucktonightokay .
”
“
Arevay
eng.I
’l
lfol
lowrightbehi
ndy
ou.
”Hesay
sto
t
hetwopol
iceoffi
cial
s
Iknowhetol
dmenottopani
cbutIkepthel
pit
.I
star
tpani
cki
ngasIwat
chhim get
ti
ngawaywit
h
them.
“He’
l
lbebacksoonyouneedtot
rusthi
m.Comesi
t
downandhavefun.
”Vanessa
Ionl
ytakeasi
tbecauseI
’
mfeel
i
ngdi
zzy
.
….
.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#19

I’
m surprisedImanagedt ocat chanysl eepunder
thestressal l
thisstress.Icheckt hetimeandi t
’s
j
ustafter6i nt hemor ning.Itryhisnumberagai nand
i
t’ssti
lloff.Whyi sitstil
loff?Hepr omisedmet hat
hewillmakei tbackhome, het oldmenott owor ry,
heactedal lfi
nel i
keev erythi
ngi si ncontrolandI
beli
evedhi m.Ican’tst opwonder ingifhe’sdoing
okayandwhenwi llIseehi m agai n.Didtheyfind
someki ndofev i
dence?Whyi shenoty etback?I t
s
Mondaynowandhe’ sst i
llnoty etback.Ishesaf e?
I’
vehear dgruesomet hingst hattakespl aceinthe
holdi
ngcel lswhatifhewasst abbedt odeat h?

Idecidetogetupandst artt
hedaybef oreIrun
myselfi
ntoapsy chi
atr
ichospital
.Atleastcl
eaning
wi
llkeepmymi ndof ft
hings.Ibrushmyt eet
hand
j
ustwhenI ’
m abouttori
nsemyf aceIhearav oi
ce.
Theonlyvoicethat’
scapableofdoingal
lthi
ngsto
me.Itgetsmybodyhot ,
itgetsmypantywet,i
t
makesmesmi le,i
tbri
ngsmeheal i
ngakgmaani t
doeseveryt
hingbutrightatthi
smomentitsendsmy
bodyint
oat otalfi
t.I
sitbecauseIwasnotexpect
ing
tohearit
?

“YeahmanIjustneedagreatr
est
.Par
tyi
ngfort
wo
nightsi
narowwi t
houtanysl
eep.
”Hel
aughsaft
er
sayingt
hat
.

Twodaysinarowpar t
ying?Whatisheonabout?I
cl
oseofft
hetap.Ineedt oheart
hisconv
ersat
ion
well
wit
houtanydist
urbance.

“Ihavet ogonowbef or
eVroukicksmeout.What
ti
mear eyoufet
chingyourcarfr
om t
hepanel
beaters?”Iknowthisvoi
ce.That’
shi
sfr
iend’
svoi
ce

“Idon’
tknowman.Idon’
tev
enf
eel
thecarany
mor
e.
Letmejustbi
dmygoodbyetotheaunt
s.Theyare
l
eavi
ngforBotst
oday.Bet
weenyouandmeIr eal
ly
don’
twanttobeher
e.“

“
Nati
onyoudoknowt
haty
oucan’
tignor
eher
f
orev
err
ight
?”.

Hedoesn’ tanswer .Iguesshehasmadehi smov e

i
nsidet hehouse.Iqui cklyr i
nseoffmyf aceand
opent hedoor .Imeethi m getti
ngoutofthehouse
withtheaunt scar r
yingt heirbags.I
’
mr eli
evedthey
areleavingreallywellnotbecauseIdi dn’tl
ikethem
butIjustdidn’tknowhowt obehav eamongstt hem.
In-
lawscanr eallyjudge.y ougoqui t
etheyt hi
nk
you’r
ebor i
ng, youtalkt heysayy outal
kal ot,
youeat
theysayy ou’r
ef ini
shingt heirson’
smoney ,youclean
theysayy ou’r
et ryi
ngt oohar dtoimpress.Soy aat
l
eastIcanbef r
eenow.

“Weareleavi
ngr
onamakoti
.”Thest
aunchChr
ist
ian
aunt
.She’sal
waysi
najoyf
ulmoodandseesthe
goodinev er
ythi
ng.Ev
enwhenamosqui t
omakes
noisesheseesthegoodtoherit’
sjusthungryand
tr
yingtofeedonourblood.Thi
soneI ’
m goingto
missher

“
Yout
akecar
eofoursi
ster
.”Thel
oudaunt

Richauntisjustst
andingthereholdi
ngherbagt i
ght
l
ikeshe’sscaredsomeonei sgoingtosnatchit
.Her
noseisstret
chedlikeshe’
st r
yingtoinhal
edif
ferent
airf
rom therestofus.She’sj
udgingallofusIcan
j
ustsee.Ithi
nkshedoesn’ tli
keme

“
OkaeObakeng?Weneedt
oleav
enow.
”

Obakengi
stheuncl
e.ThatoneIdon’
tev
enwantt
o
see

Il
ookatSechabaandhe’
sav
oidanyki
ndofey
e
contactwithme.Wearenotfi
newearesonotfi
ne.
Cant heyli
veal
readysot
hatIcanf
indoutwhati
s
theproblem?

Ihel
pcar r
ythebagsandal lthel
eftov
ergoodiesto
thecar.Bothauntshugmeandt ellmeitwaslovel
y
meetingmeandt heyhopenextt
imethey’
llbe
comingbackf orourwedding.

“Youmustprayforhi
m.Hecheat
syoupray,
he
i
nsult
sy ou,
youpray,
hecomesbackhomedrunk
youpray.Ar
eyouhearingmemychi
ld?”t
hestaunch
Chri
sti
anaunt.

ThewayIl
ovethi
sguyImightj
ustt
akeheradvice.
I
’m goi
ngt
oprayforGodtosol
vewhat
evertension
wearehav
ingri
ghtnow.
Theygetinsi
dethecarandwewavethem goodbye.
Thecarleavesandwearelef
tst
andi
ng.Het r
iest
o
tur
n.I
sher eall
yser
iousnow?
“
Sechaba?
”Ishout

Hest
opsbutdoesn’
ttur
ntol
ookatme.Icanf
eel
hi
mtaki
ngadeepbreath

“
Whendi
dyougetbackf
rom t
hepol
i
ce?
”

“
Thev
erysameday
.”Heanswer
saf
tersomet
ime

I’
m defeat
ed.Idon’tknowwhatt osaynextsohe
conti
nueswal ki
ngandl eavemej uststandingther
e.
Thewayhe’ sactingrightnowIslikehewast ol
d
someonei sbewi t
chinghim andthatsomeonei sme.
Whyi sSechabadoi ngthistome?Wor sewhyam I
standi
ngher efeeli
ngallguil
tyandheartbrokenli
keI
didsomethingwr ong?

Imakemywaybacki
nsi
det
hehouseandf
indhi
m
say
inggoodby
etoMme.
“Wehav etor
eturnst
ufft
othei
rowner
s.Iseet
here
aresti
l
lpotstsabommebasociet
yandawholelot
ofstuf
f.”Mmesay st
ohim

“YaI ’
l
lgetev
eryt
hingorgani
zedl
aterduri
ngtheday
.
I
’llseeyouabitl
atergoandgetsomer est
.”He
brushesherbackandgoesout.

If
oll
owhi
m

“
Mor oka.”Iknowhel ov
esitwhenIaddresshi
mt hat
wayy errbutlooksl
i
ketodayhedoesn’teveni
t.I
t’
s
l
ikeIjustinsult
edhi
m

Hedoesexactl
ywhathedidout
side.St
opsbut
doesn’
ttur
ntolookatme

“
MustIf
ixy
ousomet
hingt
oeat
?”
“
Nxa”Her
espondsandwal
ksaway

“Ar
eyounotgoi
ngt
oseePhodi
so?Youhav
en’
tseen
heri
ntwodays.
”

GreatMadzal
eninowy ouhav
eresor
tedt
ousi
ngt
he
chil
dtofi
ghtyourbat
tl
es.Howlow

“
I’
ll
seeherl
ater
.”

Thatcomesoutmor
easshutt
hef
uckup

“
Igotacal
lfr
om t
heowneroft
hecr
ècheshewant
s
t
oseeme.”

Hedoesn’
trespondbutshr
ugshi
sshoul
der
s

“
Youhear
dme?
”
“
Whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
"

“
Ithi
nkshewant
stodi
scusst
hej
obof
ferand…”

“DowhateverthatyouwantMadzal eni.Justdo
whateveryouwantanddon’ tgetmei nvolvedinany
ofyourshit
.It
’syourli
fer
ight?”Heturnst ofaceme
“Youli
veitanyhowy ouwantright
?Whyt hefuckare
youtel
li
ngmest uf
fnow?”

Hei swalki
ngt
owardsmeangryandshouti
ng.I
don’tknowwhybutI
’m scar
edandIst
artmovi
ng
backwards

“Sechabakeeng?Whatwr ongdi
dIdo?I’
m sorr
yfor
everyt
hingIdidpl
easeforgivemeforwhat
everI
did.
”Ipl eadwhi
lewalki
ngbackwards

“
Sor
ry?You’
resor
ry?Whatar
eyousor
ryf
or?
”
“
Idon’
tknowSechabaIdon’
tknowbutI
’
m sor
ry.
”

Hel
aughssar
cast
ical
l
ywhi
l
eshaki
nghi
sheadst
il
l
wal
ki
ngtowar
dsme

“Whatisgoi
ngonhere?Whati
sallt
hisnoi
se?
Sechaba?”Mmesayscomingoutoft
hehouse
al
mostbumpi ngi
ntome.“
Masechabakeeng?Why
areyoucryi
ng?SECHABA?
”

Webot hdon’tanswerher.Sechabai
sjuststandi
ng
thereal
langryandI’
m cryingmorenowt hatIseeher
.
therei
sjustsomethingaboutthequest
ions“Whatis
goingon?Ar eyouokay?”theyhaveawayofmaki ng
youcrymor e.

“
Ley
ahlolane?Ijustburi
edmydaughterIdon’
thav
e
t
hestr
engthtodealwiththi
s.Whati
sgoingon?”
“KeSechabaMme.Hej
ustst
art
edshout
ingatme
and…”

“
Idon’
thav
eti
mef
ort
his.
”Hewal
ksawayt
ohi
s
f
ri
end’
scar

“
Sechabay
ewenaSechabagetbacki
nher
e.”
Mmeshout
sbuthershout
ingf
all
sint
odeafear
s

Shel eadsmei nsidethehousev eryannoyed.Ist

art
feeli
ngsobadf orallt
hisunnecessar ydramawej ust
causedher .Shedoesn’ thavet odealwiththi
snot
afterwhatshewentt hrough.Shet el
lsmet hat
what ev eri
tisweneedt of i
xit.Hertonetell
smet hi
s
i
snotopenf oranynegot iati
ons.HowdoIf ix
somet hingIdon’tknowIdi d?I ’
m desperat
et ofi
x
thi
ngst houghcost ruthisIlovehim andcan’ t
i
magi nemyl if
ewi thouthim.

Igett
heki
dsr
eadyf
orschool
.I’
mtempt
edt
ogoand
vi
sitNthabi att
hehospitalbutIcan’tl
eaveMme
al
oneandshepr omisedmet hatshewi l
lcomeover
aft
erwor k.Sheisbackt ohernormal sel
fandsai
dI
needtogi vehim sexthat’
swhyhe’ scausing
unnecessaryf i
ghts.
-
--
--

Idon’tgett ot hinkmuchdur i
ngt heev eningcosI
spenti twithNt habi .Shest il
ldoesn’ twantt ocome
backandIwon’ tpushherandatl eastshe’ssl eepi
ng
ov ertonight.I’
m happywest il
l gettomai ntainthe
sisterhood.She’ sdetermi nedt omov eonwi t
hher
l
ifeandnotev enoncedi dshement i
onThapel o.
She’sst ayingathermot her ’
shousewhi chmakes
meki ndofmi ssmymot her .Iwonderwher eI ’
llgoif
Sechabaendst hingswi thmey esIknowMmewont
kickmeoutbutt hingswi llbev eryawkwar d.Ineed
topul lmyl if
et oget herIneedt ohav esomet hingto
fallbackonandt hatmeansst arti
ngwi thfi
ndi nga
j
ob.Themeet i
ngwi ththecr ècheownerwasnot
whatIhadhopedf or.Shewant edmet ocomeand
tutorherki dswhi lecleaningt hehouseIt oldherI ’
l
l
thinkabouti tbutri
ghtnowI ’
m goingtotakethejob
andmay best udypartt
imeandcompl etemydegr ee.
Thesalar yisnotbadatal l
.Ialsohavesomuch
moneysav edf rom t
hemoneySechabausedt ogiv e
mecosIdi dn’thaveanythi
ngt odowithi t
.Speaki
ng
ofSechabal etmet r
yhisnumberagai nbeforeI
sleep.voicemai ll
i
keIthoughtsoIdeci detogofora
textmessage.

Me:Imi
ssyouandlov
eyousomuch.You’
l
lfi
ndme
wai
ti
ngher
eforyou

Sent
.Nowl
etmesl
eep.

Mysleepi sdi
sturbedbyabur ni
ngurine.Eishthat’
s
whyIhat edri
nkingli
quidslat
eatnight.Idranktoo
muchCokewhi l
eNt habiwasbusywi t
hherf ourth
str
eet.Letmegetupbef or
eIwetthisbed.Igetup
withmyey essti
llhalfcl
osedandwhoooi sthat?I
bli
nkandr ubmyey esandy esSechabai ssitt
ingon
theoneseatercouchwi thaglassi
nhi shand, it
l
ooksl
ikewhi
skeyi
nsi
de.Hismovi
nghishand
ar
oundthegl
assagunly
ingonthecof
feetabl
e

“
Sechaba?
”

“Fi
nal
lyyou’r
eup.Iwasjustabouttowakey ouup.
I’
vebeensitt
ingheref
orhours.”Heputstheglass
downandt akesthegun.“Comeandt akeaseat.”He
sayswit
ht heguninhishand.Eyesfi
xedonme.

Ifeel
mythighsandlegswetandreal
izemyfeetare
swimminginapoolofuri
ne.I
’vewett
edmy sel
f.I
’
m
shaki
ngli
kealeafonastrongwindynight

“
Takeaseat
.”Hesay
sagai
nwi
thsomuchaut
hor
it
y

Ilookatt
hePhodisosl
eepingont hebedandl
ookat
thedoorcal
cul
ati
ngthedistance.
“Thedoorislocked.Youwantt ogetout
?Comeand
takethekeys.”Hetakesoutthekeysandwaves
them.Thekey sareonhislefthandwhil
etheguni
s
onhisright“
Comeandt akethekeysandweshall
seeifyouwillmakeittothatdoor.
”

Ist
andsti
llandt
heremai
ningdropsofuri
necomes
outwi
thoutanywar
ming.Ifeel
myt hi
ghsget
ti
ng
morewet

“
Takeaseat
.”

Iwal
ksl
owl
yandsi
tont
heedgeoft
hebed

“
No.Comeandsi
ther
e.”Hesay
spoi
nti
ngathi
slap

“
I’
m wet
.”Myv
oicecomesoutt
rai
l
ing.
“
Comeandsither
e.”Hesay
sagai
nhi
tt
inghi
slap
wi
tht
hegun

Imov eslowlyandsitonhislap.I
fhe’
sgoingto
shootmehewi l
lfi
ndmedeadal r
eady.Icanf
eelmy
heartthr
eateni
ngtost opbeati
ng.
Hemovest
hegunaroundmyf
acesl
owl
yandsl
owl
y
maki
ngsomedr
awings

“
Whyar
eyoucr
ying?
”

“Mmmmm”I
sal
lImanaget
osayasIsuppr
essmy
cri
es

“
Whydi
dyouwety
our
sel
f?”

“
Mmmmmm”
“
Didy
ougety
ourpant
ywetl
astweek?
Thur
sdayt
obespeci
fi
c?”

“
Mmmmm”

“
Haimaanst
artt
alki
ngI’m bei
ngniceher
eand
y
ou’
regoi
ngtost
artpissi
ngmeof fnow.”

“
No.
”

“
Arey
ouf
uckencheat
ingonmeMadz?
”

“
No.
”

“Areyousure?Isany
bodyfucki
ngthi
s?”Heasksas
hepullsmypantytothesi
desandstart
smovingthe
gunallovervagi
na.“
Huh?Isther
esomebody
fucki
ngyou?”
Imov
euncomf ort
ablyandhetight
enst
hegr
ipov
er
mywaistwi
thhisotherhand.

“Sechabapleasedon’tki
l
lmepleasejustletmego.
PleasedoitforthesakeofPhodi
so.Pleaseletme
goplease.
”

“
Why
?Youwantt
ogowhor
ingi
npeace?
”

“
SechabaInev
ercheat
edony
ouIpr
omi
se.Il
ove
y
ou.”

Hepull
sthegunoutofmypant
yandIheart
hatcl
i
ck
sound.

“
I’
m goi
ngtoaskyout
hisagai
nMadzanddon’tl
i
eto
meIhatel
i
ars.Ar
eyoufucki
ngcheat
ingonme?”
“
No.Sechabano.Il
ovey
ou.
”

“Whatwer
eyoudoi
ngatt
heHansMer
enskyon
Thur
sdayni
ghtwi
thmycar
?”

“Me?Idon’
tevenknowthatpl
aceandIcan’
tev
en
dri
ve.Youknowthi
sSechaba.
”

“
Ihat
ebei
ngpl
ayedf
oraf
ool
youknow.
”

“
I’
m notpl
ayi
ngy
ou.
”

Hi
sphoneri
ngshel
ooksatitonceandputsi
taway
.
I
tri
ngsagai
nandheput
sitonloudspeaker

“
Thi
sbet
terbegood.
”Fi
rstt
hinghesay
s

“
He’
sst
il
lwor
kingont
hef
oot
age.Nat
ionIt
ri
edman
butit
’snoteasyhesai dwemustgi v eitl
ikeaweek.
Buttheladywakor eceptiongav emeaname.
Matil
dai sthel adyt hatcheckedi nthatroom andour
l
adyt hatwasdr i
nkingatt hebar .Apparent l
yshe
dri
nksl i
keaf ishandy ousaidMadzcan’ tev enfini
sh
abottleofBr utal.Shewaswear i
ngsomeski mpy
cl
othesl i
kear ealpr osti
tutewi t
hsomeheav y
makeupandal l.Ithinkwegott hewr ongi nfoNat i
on
hadecost hisMat ildachillsaroundwi t
hNi geri
ans
cosaNi gerianmal ev oicewashear dinther oom.So
wethinkingshewentdaoncal landthoseguy s
camei ntof i
nishngaml ay el
a.”

“Gett
hedamnfoot
ageandgetthi
sMat
il
dagi
rl
.I
needherf
oundasi
nli
kenow.”

HethrowsthephoneonthebedandIfeelhi
sgr
ip
l
oosening.Phodi
socr
iesandIl
ookathim

“
Goandgether
.”
Iwalktowar dsPhodisoantici
pati
ngtofalldown
from abull
et .It
akeherinmyar msandst art
breastf
eedingher .hegetsupfrom t
hechai rand
l
ooksathersmi li
nglikehewasnotholdingagun
fewmi nut
esback.

Shesl
eepsandIputherdown.

“
Let
’ssl
eep.
”Hesay
sashet
akesof
fhi
sTshi
rt

Thegunisont hetabl
enow.Ilookatitandhecan
seeI’
m scared.Het akesitunl
ocksthedoorand
walksout.Iquickl
ylockthedoorandpusht het
abl
e
andanymov ablet
hingont hedoor

Hetr
iestoopenbuthecan’
tgetin.heknocksandI
j
ustgoquite.Mymindi
sref
usingtobeli
evewhat
j
usthappenedher
e.Iwentt
hroughthewor sti
nli
fe
butt
his?
“
Mot
heroft
heNat
ionopent
hedoorf
orme.
”

“
GoawaySechabagoawayorel
seI
’
m cal
l
ingMme.
”

“
PleaseMama.
”Hebegs

Itakemyphoneandcal
lNt
habi
.Sheanswer
sont
he
fourt
hat
tempt

“Sechabaistryi
ngtokillmepleasehel
p.Pleasecal
l
Mmet oo.
”Justsayingthosewor dsbr
eaksme.I
can’tevenfi
nishtal
king.Igodownwi t
hthephone
sti
lli
nmyhandandcr y.

“
Mot
heroft
heNat
ion?Mamapl
easeopent
hedoor
.”
Hisvoicegetsmecry
ingmor eandmor e.Ri
ghtthen
Iknowt hati
t’
sov
er.I
’m donewithhim.tomorrow
I’
m packingmybagsandleavingthi
splaceforgood.
Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#20

It
’saf ul
lweeknowandI ’
m still
nowher ecloset o
recovery.Somewi l
lcallmedr amat i
candal lbutI
hadagunpoi ntedstraighttomyf aceandmypr ivat
e
partswor sewi thmychi ldsl
eepi ngi nthev erysame
room.Ikeepont hinkingwhatwoul dhav ehappened
i
ft hatphonecal l
didn’tcomei nmay bemychi ld
woul dbeanor phannow.I ’
llnev erev erforgi
vehi m
forwhathedi dandwor seIdon’ tevenknowwhatI
reall
ydidt ohim.Heaccusedmeofcheat ingonhi m
butdidn’tev enhav eanyev i
dencet obackupt hose
accusationsandnowI ’
m supposedt oforgiveand
forgetli
ket hat?Nev er.Het ri
edcal l
ingbutIbl ock
eachandev er
ynumberheusest ocont actmebut
whati skil
lingmei sthatIstil
l hopehewi l
lcontinue
calli
ngme.whati skil
lingmemor eI sthatIlovehi m
despiteev eryt
hingandI twil
l kil
lmei fhehadt ogi ve
upandmov eont houghIst i
lldon’twantt obewi t
h
hi
m now.
Ifi
twasupt omeIwoul dbeoutofher ebutMme
tol
dmeI ’
m notgoingany wher
eI’
m herchil
dandnot
evenSechabai sgoingtochangethat.Shekicked
him outofthehouset hatni
ghtandtoldhi
m nev ert
o
sethisfoothereagain.

“Ij
ustlostachildSechabaandnowy ouwantt okil
l
myot herchi
ld?Youusi ngaguni nmyownhouse?
Votsek.Getoutofher eandnev ereversetyourfoot
hereagainIswearify oucomeany wherenearheror
thi
shouseIwi llki
l
ly ouwithmyownbar ehands.”
Thosewer ethewor dsshesaidt hatnightaft
erthey
foundhimt r
yingtobr eakthedoortogett omewhi l
e
Iwasl yi
ngont hefl
oorpower l
esscr yi
ng.Ihadt o
explai
nwhyIwascr y i
ng.

“
Itwasamistake.
”Hesaidt
ryi
ngt
ojusti
fyhi
sact
ion.
Amist
aketopointagunonmypri
vatepart
?That
wasnotamistakebutcr
uel
ty.
“Mi
stakemyfoot.GetoutofmyhouseSechabaI
’
m
sodonewit
hy ou.
”Mmeshout edback.

“Abuti
youreal
l
yneedtogonow.”Nt
habisai
dwhi
le
sit
ti
ngonthefl
oorhol
dingmeti
ghti
nsi
deherar
ms.

Hel ef
taftersomuchprot
est
ingandMmet hrowi
ng
stuffathi
m.Hegotinsi
desomecaranddroveof f
andi t
’sbeenaful
lweeknowhehasn’
tsethisfoot
here.

Thatev eningIr eal

izedt hatImi ghtmeannot hingto
him butt oMmeandNt habi Imeansomuch.They
aremyf amil
yandnot hingcanev erchanget hat.
Theyshowedmel oy al
tybutIkeeponwonder ing
howl ongwi l
l i
tlast?Tr uthisSechabai sherf l
esh
andbl ood,hewi l
lalway shav easpeci alplaceinher
heart.Shedidwhatshedi dcosi twasj ustther i
ght
thi
ngt odoatt hattime.Sheoweshi ml oyaltythan
sheowesme.I ’mj ustat otalst
rangert heypickedup
onthest r
eet.Icant ellshemi sseshi m.Shemakes
cal
lsbehi
ndmybackt ohi sfri
endsaski nghowheis
doi
ngandall t
hat.Idon’tblameher .Sechabaisher
boyandofcour sesheisconcer nedabouthim.that
ni
ghtitwasjustangerbutnowt hatthingshave
cool
edoffshemi ssesherboyandIhav enodoubt
shewouldchoosehi m allovermeany timeofthe
day.

Thi
swhol et
hingjustmakesmemi ssmyown
mot her
,itmakesmewi shIhadaplacecall
edhome.
Thatplacetorunbackt owhenallf
ailsandyou’
re
welcomedwi thlove.Imissmymother

Sechabadi dn’
tleaveanyphy si
calscarsinmybody
thatnightbuthel eftsomescar sinmyhear tthatwill
nevergoaway .Seet hethingaboutphysical scarsis
thatyoucanappl ystuffl
ikeBio-
oilandal lt
histissue
oil
sandt heycanf edawayandi fyouhav eenough
moneyy oucanev engot otheexpensi
v edoct ors
andtheyr emovet hem andnoonecanev ertell
ifyou
haveev erhadt hem beforebutscarsint hehear t
theynevergoawayt heyalway sremainthereand
nobodycanev enseet hem Imeant oboMmewhat
Sechabadidisjustsomet hingofthepastnowand
theyareoveri
tbutwi t
hmenoi twil
lhauntme
forev
er.Ican’
tevengot ot hatroom cosIget
fl
ashbacksIseemy selfsit
tingonthatcouchonhis
l
apwi thagunpoi nt
edatme.

Idon’
tknowhowabusedl adieskeepongoi ngback
andwor seev
engeti nti
matewi t
ht hesameguywho
didal
l t
hosethingstoyou.Idon’tseemy sel
f
all
owingthehandt hatpoi
ntedagunatmet ouchme
andgetmewetnev erbutthenagai nIdon’
tjudge
them cosIst
ill
lovehim wit
hallthatIhave.

“Hey.Areyounotgoi ngtowor ktoday?”Nthabi

i
nterrupt
smef rom myt houghts.Shemov edinback
againaft
erthewhol edramasay ingshewant sto
makesur eI’
mf ull
yokayandbesi desMmei sdeali
ng
wit
hherowni ssuessoshej ustcouldn’
tlethergo
thr
oughev er
ythingalone.
Idon’
tanswerandshecomesandsit
snextt
ome.
Sheputsherar
m aroundmyshoul
der
sandinhal
es
deepl
y

“Maybeyoushouldspeaktosomeoneprof
essi
onal.
I
tsobviousyou’r
enotdeal
ingwi
ththi
swell
.Atthe
hospi
talther
earepeoplet
ospeakto.
”Shesayswith
averyconcernedlook

“
No.I
’
llbef
ine.
”

Herphonerings.Shelooksati
tandthenlooksback
atmeagain.Iknowi thi
m cal
li
ngusinghernumber.
Hehasresortedtothatnow.Shetri
edtobegmet o
tal
ktohim butsheknowsIwon’ t
.

“
Abut
iI’
l
lcal
lyouback.
”

“
She’
sst
il
lref
usi
ng?
”Herphonei
sver
yloudsoIcan
hearhi
m

“
Ihav
etogoAbut
i.
”

Shehangsupandl
ooksatme.

“Youknowy ouoncet oldmet hatheoncet ol

dy ou
thatallmenhav etheirshityoujustneedtopicky our
shit
, molditandli
vewi thit.Wellthat
’shi
sshit
Monet hu,hejustoverreactsandy ouknowint hei
r
worldthisistheonlywayt osolvethi
ngs.I
’m surehe
hasseenwhathedi dwaswr ongandhewi ll
change.
Hel ovesyouI’m notsay i
ngf i
xthingsbutmay beyou
couldjusthearhim out ?
”

Ican’tbel
ievethi
s.soIgetupandt
akemybag.I
’m
l
eavingI’m notgoi
ngtoli
stent
othi
s.Il
i
vehersi
tt
ing
ri
ghtwher esheis.
“
Masechaba?
”Mmecal
l
soutf
rom herr
oom
Thenameusedtosoundsofinebutnow?i
tjust
remi
ndsmeofhim andIhat
ei t
.Imakeautur
nand
gotoherr
oom.ShetakesoutR10noteandgives
me.

“Pl
easebri
ngmet
hoseSconesy
oual
way
scome
backwit
h.”

Sot her
ei st hi
sladywhosel lssconesjustoutsi
de
EdenSqui remal l.Igotthem thi
sonetimeandMme
i
ssuchaf ansoev er
ydaysheasksmet ocome
backwi tht hem.Shedoesn’ thavetoremindme
thoughcossheknowsIal waysrememberandI
nevertakehermoneyIusemyownmoneyt obuyf
or
hersot hisi sj
ustherwayofopeni ngupav ery
uncomf ortabletopicthatI’
m alr
eadydreading.

“
I’
ll
gett
hem f
ory
ou.Ihav
esomemoneysoI
’
llbuy
f
oryou.
”
“Okay.NgwanakeIneedtoseeSechaba.Iwant
edto
i
nvitehimfordi
nner.Weneedtodiscusssomestuff
concerni
ngDimphoandthethingsshelef
tbehi
nd.”

If
eelbet
ray
edbutl
i
keIsai
dIunder
standt
hather
l
oyal
tyli
esmor
ewithhi
m.

“
When?
”Iask

“
Tomor
row.
”

“
Okay
.By
eMme.I
’
m goi
ngt
obel
atef
orwor
k.”

Idon’tgiv
ehert hechancet odiscussthi
si ssue
fur
ther.Wor kne?I ’
m dreadingthatplacebut
honestlyi
t’stheonlyplacet hatkeepsmesaneat
themoment .Asmuchast hebossl adyi
sso
i
mpossi bleandv erytoxicbutit’
sbet t
erthanst ay
ing
hereandj usthavingmyownpi t
ypar t
ybesi desIonl
y
havet
odeal wi
thherf
orlikesomefewmi nut
esin
themorni
ngandfewmi nutesi
ntheaft
ernoonand
themoneyisgood.

Istopt het axiandgetof fatt own.It’

sabi tofa
walkingdi stancet ogett othehousebutIenj oythe
walk.WhenIar r
iv eIfi
ndev eryt
hingasamessas
alway sdishesev erywhere,t oysallovertheplace,
cl
ot hesont hefloorincludingt hebossl ady’
spant i
es
whichIhav etowashbyt heway .IfIwasi nto
witchcraftandst affi
twassogonnabeeasyt odoa
seriesnumberonher .

“Dumel ang.”IgreetpapaRaywi thmyheadbowed

down.Ther ei sjustsomethingabouthimt hat
demandsr espect.He’sthi
st al
lwellbui
ldoldman
whoj ustsmel lofmoney ,power,int
egri
tyand
ever
y thi
ngcl assy.He’sworkingatPhalaborwa
mini
ngcompanyf amouslyknownsasPMC.He’ sgot
averyhi ghpositionther
ewhi lethewifeisateacher
atFransduToui tHoerskool.He’sveryni
ceand
welcomi
ngbutthewif
eisanot
herst
ory
.Money
r
uinedherImustsay
.

“
HeyMadzi
.Howar
eyousmar
tgi
rl
?”

Hel i
kescal
l
ingmesmar tgi
rl
,beaut
iful
andthi
s
otherti
mehecal l
edmesweetheart
.Itmakesme
feeluncomf
ortabl
ereal
l
y.

“
I’
m good.
”

It
ryt
owal
kpasthi
m qui
ckl
yandhegr
absmyhand

“Di
dyoufi
xthatcvIaskedy
ou?Idi
dspeaktot
heHr
guyatwor
kandhedoeshav eanopeni
ngf
oryou.
”

“
Noty
etsi
r.
”Isayl
ooki
ngdown
“Comeon.Whynot ?You’reasmartgir
landyou
don’
tdeserv
etobeher e.Youdeservetobeup
ther
e.”Hesayst
hrowinghi shandupther
e

“Whyareyoustil
lstandi
nghere?Thekidsneedtobe
bathedandeatbeforetheschool
transportcomesto
fetcht
hem.DoIpayy outocomeandhav eachat?
Akggoshthisgir
lissoclumsy.Gogogo. ”Shesays
clappi
ngherhands

Irushtot heki
d’sroom andbaththem.Rayisjust7
andi ngrade2whi l
eSarais3andi ndaycar
e.They
got othoseexpensiveschool
sthat’
samountt o
someone’ spension.

It’
sbeenaweekbutIador ebothoft
hem and
probabl
yoneofther easonswhyI’
m sti
ll
sti
cki
ng
aroundherebesi
desneedi ngthemoneyandtr
ying
nottodrownfrom depression.
Moneyne?Hestil
lsendsitt
omeIt hi
nkhe’
susingi
t
toapol
ogi
ze.Thi
ngabouthimisthathest
ruggl
esso
badwit
hwordssohewi ll
throwmoneyinyourf
ace
toapol
ogi
ze.

Oncet heyleaveforschool Ist

artcleaningfrom t
hei
r
bedroom.Thebedi snotmadeasal ways,the
bathtubisdirt
y,clothesareallovertheplaceand
whenIl eavether oom isspotl
ess.Byt hetimeI’
m
doneI ’
mt i
redwhi chiswhyIl i
keitcoswhenIget
homeI ’m sodrainedandj ustwantt osleep.

Bef
oreIl
i
veImakesur
ethatdi
nneriscooked,
the
ki
dshomewor
k’sar
edoneandallt
hat.
WhenIgethomeIseeanunf amili
arcarparked
out
side.It
’sanorangel egend50wi thnonumber
pl
ates.Itmustbeoneoft hepeoplestil
lvi
siti
ng
Mmet oof f
ertheircondolences.Ialwaysgethome
j
ustafter6everyday
Iwal
kstraightt
othefourroomedhouse.IknowI’
l
l
fi
ndever
y bodysit
ti
nghere.Ial
way
slookforwardto
thi
smoment.Youknowthekidssi
tt
ingaroundand
ofcour
sehol
dingPhodi
so.Shecomplet
esmyday .

JustwhenIent ertheli
vingroom Iseehim si
tt
ing
witheverybody.He’ sholdi
ngPhodi soandshe’
s
gi
gglingandf li
rti
ngwi t
hhim.If eelsobet
rayedby
her.I
’m hermot herandshe’ ssupposedtohate
everyli
tt
lethingthatmesseswi thhermommy ’s
peacebutnonotPhodi so,shehast hi
sbi
gcrushon
hi
m andIhav eaf eeli
ngshecanchoosehi m ov er
me.

Theki dsallgr
eetandj umptomet heyknowI
al
way scomebackwi thgoodi
es.Bossladyl
ikes
gi
vingmest uffbutitdoesn’
tcomef r
om agood
heart
.I’mjustherchari
tycasenj
e.

Mme, NthabiandMisojustremai
nseat edlooking
al
lki
ndofawkwar d.Misodoesunderstand
ever
ythingthatishappeni
ng.She’
snotal it
tl
egi rl
.
Shebeggedmenott oletherbrot
hercomebet ween
us.Shesay
sI’
mli
keamot
hershenev
erhad.Il
ove
her

Aftergreeti
ngt hekidsIgost r
aighttomyr oom and
cl
oset hedoor .Ifi
ndmy selfmissingmymot heral
l
overagain,I’
vebeenf eel
inglikethiseversi
ncet he
wholeor dealwithhim.Itakeoutmyphonehopi ng
I’
l
lhav ethecour agetocallherthisti
mebutIseeI
haveansms

PapaRay:Thefoodwasl ov
elyasalway
s.Ialways
l
ookfor
war dt
ocomi ngbackhomet oeatyourfood.
Goodni
ghtanddon’tfor
gettofi
xthatcv.

Idelet
ethesmsandt hr
owmyphoneaway .He’st
oo
niceandIdon’tl
i
keit.Iwishhecouldj
usttreatme
l
ikeanormal employeethanoff
eri
ngmeext ra
moneyont hecornerandacti
ngalldodgy
.

Af
tersomef
ewmi
nut
esIhearaknock.Idon’
t
respondandt hedooropens.Itshim standingbythe
doorholdi
ngPhodi so.Hecomesi nandcl osethe
door.If
eelli
ket el
li
nghi mtogoawayy etatthe
samet i
meIf eel l
i
kethrowingmy sel
finsidehisarms.
Imisshim,Ilovehi m andIhatehimifthatis
possibl
e.I
tisNe?I ’m notcraz
y?

“
Hi.
”

Iturnandf
acet
heotherdi
rect
ion.Tear
sinv
olunt
ari
l
y
roll
downmycheeks.

“
Icamet
ogi
vey
out
hechi
l
dandt
his.
”

Isti
lldon’
trespond.He’
sholdi
ngfl
owersandabox
ofchocolate.Si
ncewhenishethatty
pe?I’
m
i
mpr essedthoughIwon’tshowit
.Gir
lswecanbeso
stupi
datt i
mesr eal
ly
.
“CanIpleasetal
ktoy ou?Ijustneedfiveminut
esof
yourt
imeIpr omiseyouI ’
l
lneverbotheryouagain
aft
ertonightpl
ease.Fiveminutesplease.
”

Ineedal
i
fet
imenotj
ustf
ivemi
nut
es.

Igetupandhelooksshocked.I’
m shockedt
oo.Igo
outandhefol
l
owsme.Thel ookswear eget
ti
ng
wow

It
rytotakePhodi
sowhenwegetoutsi
deandshe
cr
iesandcli
ngsuntohi
m.okaysher
eall
ymissed
hi
m Iguess.

“I
’m sorryforevery
thing.Canwepl easef
ixthi
ngs?I
promisey ouI’l
lneverhurtyouagain.i
fIt
rythatshi
t
agai
nt heny oucandumpme.Madzal eni
Iloveyou
andIf eelsoincompletewithoutyou.”
He’sdeep.Il
ovethi
sv er
sionofhim.TheSechabaI
knowwoul dhaveneveractedt
hisway.

“Wil
lIev
enhaveachancet
odumpy
ou?WontIbe
deadbythen?
”Iask

“I
’
llneverkil
lyou.You’r
emylifeify
oudi eIstopl
ivi
ng
soI’
llneverkil
lyou.Iwasnevergoingtokil
lyouthat
ni
ghtIjustwant edyoutotal
k.Icouldn’
tevenrai
se
myhandaty ou.”

“Real
lySechaba?Sot
hati
ssupposedt
omake
every
thi
ngokay ?
”

“
No.Il
ovey
ou.
”

ThenIgetdef
eatedandt
henIst
opj
udgi
ngal
lthe
womenwhoal waysgoback.
“
Youpr
omi
senev
ert
odot
hatagai
n?”

“
Nev
erIswearonmymot
her
’sgr
ave.I
’
llnev
erhur
t
y
ouagai
n.”

Imov ecloserandthrowmyhandsal loverhi

m.He
thr
owshi shandsallovermet oo.Phodi
soisin
betweenus.ThisistheshitIhavetodealwit
hand
I’
m goingtomol dhim.Il
ovehim
Heasksmet otakeadr i
vewithhi
mj ustthetwoof
uswi thoutPhodisoandIagree.It
’srai
ning.Thefi
rst
rainI
’veev erex
per i
encedeversi
nceIarrivedat
Phalaborwa.May bet hi
sisasignforus.Wear e
start
ingafreshafterall
.Therai
nisheret owash
everythi
ngbad

“
Yougotanewcar
?”Iaskaf
terget
ti
ngi
nsi
de

“
Yeah.
”
“
Why
?Youl
ovedt
hatJeep.
”

“
Notany
mor
e.Il
ovey
ou.
”

Ismi
le.FunnyhowIt houghtIhatedhimforthepast
weekbutnowit ’
sli
kemyl oveforhim hastr
ipl
ed.Oh
manIrespectthesangomahe’ susingLol.

“Wher
earewegoi
ng?Ineedt
obebackandsl
eep
ear
lyf
orworkt
omorr
ow.”

“
Idon’
tli
key
ourj
ob.Doy
our
eal
l
yhav
etogowor
k
t
here?
”

Igiv
ehimthatl
ookandIseehi
sfacechangi
ngto
I’
m sorr
y.I
’
m notsomegoodpr
ogressher
e.I
’m
moldinghi
m.
Therai
nisgett
ingwor senow.Hest opsthecarand
asksmetocomeout .Wear eatther oadthatl
eads
totheKr
ugerNationalPark.It
’squit
eandal lbutthen
thi
sisPhal
aborwaoneoft hesafestplacesever.

“
No.Ar
eyoucr
azy
?”

What?He’sbymydoorpul l
i
ngmeout .Ishoul
dn’
t
havefor
givenhim nx
ahe’sgetti
ngaheadofhi
mself
now.Ipul
lmyl egshit
ti
nghim andal
lbuthe’
ssti
l
l
pul
li
ngmeout .

“
I’
ll
kicky
ourbal
l
sSechaba.
”

“Thatwi
ll
begr eatcosy
ouwi
l
lhav
etosuckt
hem up
andtakethepainaway.
”

Ican’
tfi
ghtany
mor esoIgoout.Hehasmademe
weakwit
hthatresponseandIcan’
tfi
ght
“
Dancewi
thme”

What?Ishecrazy?Andsincewheni
shet he
r
omantictype?AaahHall
eluyahNgi
shay
eleniI
zandl
a.
I
’m doi
ngsowel l
withthi
sguy

Themusicisplay
ingoutl
oudmat chi
ngthesoundof
ther
ain.Thosearet
heonlysoundsIcanhear

ForIsawusdanci
ngt
hroughsunshi
neandr
ain
Isawusl
aughi
ngt
hroughj
oyandt
hroughpai
n
AndIsawuspassi
ngbutwedi
dnotchange
AndIst
il
lsawust
oget
heratt
heendofev
ery
day
Ichoosey
ouIchoosey
ouIchoosey
ou….

Whowoul
dn’
tdancet
othi
ssong?

Wedancewel
lnoty
ouri
deal
kindofdancewi
th
mat chingst epsandal l.Nohespi nsmear ound, he
stepsonmyt oeswi t
hhi sBl ueDr i
pshoes, Istepon
histoeswi t
hmybar ef eet,Hepul l
smyhandand
throwsmebackt ohischest .Ilaugh,frownand
dancet ot her hyt
hm agai nwi t
hmyhandswr apped
upar oundhi sneck.Hepul lsmywetbr ai
dsf rom my
faceandt henf i
nall
ywest artkissingri
ghti nther ain.
Ourcl othesar esoakingwetf rom therain.Hi skiss
startssendingsomehott ingli
ngsensat i
onsal lov er
mybody .Hest opskissingmeandl ooksdeepi nside
myey es

“
Iwanty
ou.Iwantsobadl
y.
”

Hedoesn’tgi
vemeachancet
orespond.Hestart
s
kissi
ngmeagainandl
eadsmetothebackseatof
thecar.

“
Babynother
e.”Myv
oicecomesoutasawhi
sper
“Don’
tresi
stmepl
ease.
”Hesay
sashet
akesof
fmy
dress

“
Nother
e.”

Hekissesmethenhol
dmecarr
iesmet
othef
ront
seatand…(
Tobeconti
nued)

……

Af
tert
hedar
kcl
ouds

#21
I’
m soanxi
ous.Ikeepondial
ingthenumberand
hungupbeforeshecoul
danswer .Igetupfr
om t
he
couchandpacearoundtheli
vingroom.Icansee
Nthabi
andMmear eget
tingagit
atednow.

“
Justmaket
hecal
lwi
l
lyou?
”Nt
habi
say
s

“Youmi ghtfi
ndhor eshehasal wayswantedto
makecont actbutscar edthatmaybeyoudon’twant
totalktoher.She’sy ourmotherandshelovesyou.I
knowy ouguy snev erhadthebestrel
ati
onshipbut
she’syourmot herandwahor at
a.Makethatcall
.”
Mme

Theybothgetupandleavemeal one.Idon’
tknow
maybetogivemesomepr i
vacy
?Sechabaaskedme
tomaket hi
scal
laboutthr
eemont hsback.He’s
remindi
ngmeev er
ydaybutIkeepont el
l
inghi
mI ’
l
l
doitandIcantel
lhe’
sgetti
ngpissednowand
start
ingt
ohav esomef unnyideasthatmay beIdon’t
wantt ot
aket hisnex tbigstepwithhim butLord
knowsIdoi t’
sj ustthatmymot heris…Idon’tknow.I
wishwedi dn’
thav etoinvol
v eherinevery
thingbut
Sechabasay sherbl essingisimportantandhe’snot
goingtowalki ntocour tandmar r
ymebef or
eour
ancestor
sgeti ntroducedandpav eawayf orus.I
don’tagr
eebutf orthesakeofpeaceIneedt o.

Youseet hatnightwhenwest artedkissingatthe

rai
nweendedupatal odgeandmadel ov e.Hemade
mef eel
thingsInev erknewexisted.Threemont hs
l
aterwest i
llatitmakingloveeverydayIr eal
lydon’
t
knowwhoi stheaddictbetweenmeorhi m.He
askedmet omar r
yhimt hefol
lowingmor ni
ng.

“Let
’sgetmar r
ied.”Hesaidaft
ermi dnightwhenI
j
ustfelthimt hrusti
ngdeepinsideofmeandIj oined
i
n.Ididn’tanswercosIt houghtitwasj ustthelove
makingdr i
vinghi m cr
azy.YesIcalli
tlovemaki ng
coswedoi snotf ucki
ngorany thi
nglikethat.Our
soul
sconnect,Ibecomeonet hi
ngwi
thhi
m,Ican
feelt
hepassi
onandaf t
erthatmylov
eforhi
m gr
ows
deeperanddeeper.

“Isai
dlet
’sgetmarr
ied.
”Hesai dagainwhenwegot
upinthemorningaft
eral ongpassi
onat
elov e
making.Wewer est
il
ltr
yingtocatchourbreath.Hi
s
armsresti
ngonmybr east

“
Ithi
nki
t’
stooear
ly.
”

“Madzamanknowsf rom dayoneift

heywantto
mar r
yyouornott hatiswhyamancanbewi t
hy ou
fortenyearsonlytomarryaladyhehasdatedfor
onlythr
eemont hsanddumpy ou.Il
oveyouandI
knowi t
.Insixmonth’sti
meoray earI’
l
lsti
l
lfeelthi
s
wayandI ’l
lsti
l
laskyout hesamequesti
on.Marry
meMadz. ”

Inev
ergav
ehi
m ananswert
hatdaybuthekepton
askingev er
ydayunt i
lIfi
nal
lyacceptedlastweek.
Hewant stosendhispeopletogoandpayl obol
aat
homewhi chiswhyIneedt ospeakwi t
hmymot her.I
takeadeepbr eat
handf i
nall
ycallandwaituntil
she
answer s.Shedoesn’tsayanythi
ng.Ahabi tshehas
developedsinceforever

“
Mama.I
t’
smeMadzal
eni
.”

Si
l
ence.
.

“
Mama?
”

“
Madzi
.”Shef
inal
l
ysay
s

“
MamaIneedt
oseey
ou.
”

“
When?
”
“
Icancomet
omor
rowi
fpossi
ble.
”

“I
’
m nothome.I’
m notwel
lMadzi
I’
vebeeni
nthe
hospi
tal
forcl
osetothr
eeweeksnow.
”

Thefi
rstthingt
hatreact
sinmybodyi smyhear t.I
t
beat
sfastandpainov er
takesmeandr i
ghtthenI
knewshei smymot heranddespit
eeveryt
hingthat
hashappenedshewi l
lalwayshaveaspecialpl
acein
myheart.Ican’
tbri
ngmy selft
orespondthough

“
Whydoy ouwanttoseemeMadzi
?”Sheasksl
i
ke
i
t’
snott
herightt
hingt
odo.

“MamaI ’
m gett
ingmar
ri
edandhewantstosendhi
s
famil
y.Whatiswrongwit
hyou?Whatar
eyou
suff
eri
ngfrom?”

Shedoesn’
tanswerbutst
art
scr
ying.Ist
artget
ti
ng
emot
ional
too

“You’
regett
ingmarri
ed?Ialwaysknewy ouwil
lnever
endupl i
keme.Ishereall
ytreat
ingyouwell
?Inever
thoughthewil
ltaket
hingsthisser
ious.
”

Whyi
sshet
alki
ngl
i
kesheknowshi
m?

“Iknoweveryt
hingthathasbeenhappeni ngi
nyour
l
ifeMadzi.I
’my ourmot herandIdocareaboutyou.I
alwayscheckedupony oufrom farj
ustt
obesure
you’r
edoingfine.I
’
m happyy ou’reget
ti
ngmarri
ed,
youjustgavemear easontofight.
”

Shecoughsandaf t
erthatthephonegoesdead.Itr
y
cal
li
nganditjustr
ingswithoutanyanswer
.Without
thi
nki
ngtwiceIruntotheroom andpackasmal l
bagwithcl
othestolastmef orcl
osetoaweek.I
packforPhodisot
oo.
WhenIgooutIf i
ndSechabahavingachatwit
h
Nthabi
andMme.He’ sstandi
ngwhilet
heyaresi
tti
ng
onamat .Theyal
ll
ookshockedtoseemewal ki
ng
outwit
habagandsl eepi
ngPhodi
soonmyback

“I
t’
smymot her.Ical
ledherandshe’ snotwel l.The
phonewentdeadbef oreshecouldt el
l mewhat ’s
wrongshesai dshe’satt hehospit
al.Ithink
somethi
ngisr eall
ywr ongcosshecoughedandnow
she’
snotanswer i
ngthephonesoI ’
mr ushingback
home.”Iexplainbeforetheycouldaskany t
hing.I
hopeI’
m maki nganysensecosI ’
m ov ercomebyso
manyemot ions.Mywor stfeari
swhati fshei sdead

“AowahleMonethu.Letmecomewi
thy
ou.
”Nt
habi
saysget
tingupf
rom themat

“
Yespl
easegowi
thhershecan’
tleav
eal
one.
”Mme

Sechabai
sjustst
andi
ngt
her
elooki
ngatme
qui
zzi
cal
l
y.Hi
shandsbur
ieddeepi
nsi
dehi
spocket
s

“
Noplease.I’
ll
befi
ney
oureall
ydon’thav
etocome
wi
thme.I’
llkeepy
ouguysupdatedassoonasIget
t
here.
”

“
Arey
ousur
e?”Nt
habi

“
LeavePhodi
soher
e.Wewil
ll
ookafterherI
’
m sur
e
y
ougoingtobedoi
ngawhol
elotofupanddowns
t
here.
”

Itakeherof
ffr
om mybackandhandhertoNthabi
.
Sechabacomesandtakesmybagandleadsmet o
thecar

“Wewillbeprayi
nghere.Not
hingbadshal
lhappen
toherandpleasecal
lusassoonasy ougethome
ngwanakeplease.
”Mme
Igeti
nsi
dethecarandwedri
veoffintot
alsi
l
ence.
Hetakesmyhandandsqueezesi
t.Iknowwhathe
means.He’
stel
li
ngmehe’sgotmyback

“
Whati
fshe’
sdead?
”If
inal
l
ysay

“
Stopt
hinki
ngt
hewor
st.
”

“Ishoul
dhavecal
l
edhert
het
imey
ouaskedmet
o.I
shouldhav
e…”

“St
opdoingthatt
oy our
sel fpl
ease.You’regoingto
rel
axunti
lwegettherei
ft hewor sthashappenedwe
shal
ldealwi
thitt
ogether.You’renotalone.
”He
squeezesmyhandagainandIf eelmyselfrel
axing

“SechabaIreal
l
ywanttogoal
one.Cany
oupl
ease
dropmeof fatther
ank?
”
“
Why
?”

Myphoner i
ngsandIl ookar oundforit.Wherei
smy
phone?Itsringi
ngbehi ndhisseat.Iguessitfel
l
whenhewashuggi ngmewhenIgoti nsi
dethecar.
Heglancesati tonceandt hrowsituponmyl ap.
He’sangry.Ilookatthecal l
erIDandi tsaysPapa
Ray.Idon’tanswerunt i
litstopsri
nging

“Whyisthatmotherf
uckersti
l
lcal
li
ngyou?Hesay s
withhi
sey esf
ixedontheroadbutangerf
lashedal
l
overhi
sface

“
Idon’
tknow.
”

“Whatdoyoumeanyoudon’
tknow?”Heasksashe
stopst
hecarbyt
hesideoft
heroad.

“
Whatt
hef
uckdoy
oumeanwheny
ousayy
oudon’
t
know?Whoi ssupposedt
oknowt hen?”thecari
s
parkedbythesideoft
heroadandhe’slooki
ng
str
aighti
nmyf ace.

“
Sechabayoupromisedmethatyouwill
neverev
er
r
aiseyourv
oiceatme.Whatisthi
s?”Ihi
tback

“
Fucky
ou.
”Hesay
slooki
ngst
rai
ghti
nmyf
ace

“
Youknowwhatf
ucky
out
oo.
”Ist
ri
keback.

“Youdon’ tgi
veadamnaboutmeSechaba.I ’m
stressedbutyouhav enoshameact ingli
keapuppy
weti ntherai
nrightnow.haveIevergivenyouany
reasont odoubtme?Hav eI?That’
swhyIwasso
rel
uct antt
oaccepty ourmar
riageproposal.
”

“
Coswafebaaker
e.Whyi
shecal
li
ngy
ou?Didn’
tI
t
ell
yout
otel
lhimtost
opcal
l
ingy
oubefor
eIdeal
wi
thhi
m?”

Hepushesmeandt akest
hephonef r
om myl
apand
di
als.Thephonei
sonloudspeaker

“
Babygi
rl
.Wer
eyoubusy
?”PapaRayanswer
s

“
Msunu.I
’
m goi
ngt
o…”

Thephonegoesdeadbeforehecanf ini
shtal
ki
ng.
Hetakesmyphoneandt hr
owsi tacrossthesi
deof
mywindowanditlandsonmyt highs.

“
Babygi
rlhuh?Babygi
rl
?”

Idon’
tanswer.Iopenthedoorandf
lagat
axi
cominglucki
l
yitstops
“Wherearey
ougoing?Gett
hef
uckbackinhere.
”
He’spul
li
ngmebymyar m.Hedoesn’
tcar
ethat
peopl
earewatchi
ng.

Thet
axi
dri
vercomesouti
nanger

“Getinthetaxi
.”Hesayspoi nti
ngmet ot
het axi
.
“WenaNj acomeandf ightme.st opfight
inga
powerlesswoman.Comef ightme. ”Hethrowsa
punchathi m.hedoesn’tr
etur ni
tbutwalksst r
aight
tohiscar.Iknowhe’sgoingf orhisgunoramor e
powerfulweapon.He’sgoingt okil
lbothofus

“
He’
sgotagun.”Iscream.Webothruni
nsi
det
he
t
axi
andhedri
vesof finf
ull
speed.

Iquitmyj obt
womont hsbackcoshewasangry
wit
hpapaRaysendingmemessagesandcal li
ng.I
coul
dn’ttaket
heabusefrom mamaRayt ooi
twas
gett
ingtoomuch.HonestlyIdi
dtel
lpapaRayto
stopcal l
ingmeandhedi dsoIdon’tknowwhyt oday
he’scal l
ing.I’
mt hetopicinthi
staxipeoplearebusy
askingmest uffandIknowmostj ustwantgossi p
i
t’snotl i
ket heyt rul
ycare.“Whydidhest artbeati
ng
you?Whatdi dy oudot omakehi m angrysesicosa
manj ustdoesn’ treactthatway?Youmustgoand
doapr otecti
onor derhewi l
lki
lly
out hatguyNation
i
sat otalnutcase.Thati swhyt hatpoordoctorleft
himf orapast or’skid.
”Ev er
ybodyisjustsayi
ng
somet hi
ng

Mymot heralwayssai
damanwi l
lgiv
ey ouallred
fl
agsbutwej ustignor
ethem.Sechabadi dwhenhe
point
edmewi thagunthefir
stti
mebutIi gnoredit
butaftert
odaynoI ’
m done.I
’mjustgoingtolook
aft
ermymot herandsett
leathomeagai n.I
’m onl
y
comingbackt othispl
acetogetmydaught erand
therestofmyst uff
.

Myphoner
ingsandit
spapaRay
.Hi
snamej
ust
t
ri
gger
smor et
ears
“
Hel
l
o?”

“
Babygi
rl
.I’
m sogl
ady
ouanswer
ed.Di
dhehur
t
y
ou?”

Idon’
tanswerbutj
ustcr
y

“
Wher
ear
eyou?
”

“
I’
minsi
det
het
axi
.”

“Whichsi
de?Gi v
et hedri
verthephonesot hatIcan
givehi
mi nst
ructi
onswher etodropyou.I
’l
l payhi
m
al
l t
hemoneyhewant s.Thatmanofy oursisnot
stabl
eI’
m surehe’sfoll
owingthetaxinowandhe’ s
goingtoshootallofyou.
”
Ihandt
hedr
ivert
hephonesot
hatt
heycant
alk.
-
--
--
Itr
ytogetupbutmywhol ebodyf eelsheavy.Ifeel
l
ikepuki ng,Ifeel t
ot al
l
yinsane.What ’
sthissmel li
n
here?Ahotsl apbr ingsmebackt omysensesandI
ful
lygetupnow.j ustasI ’
mt r
yingtomakesenseof
everyt
hi ng.Iseehi m goingt otakeaseat .He’s
sit
ti
ngexact l
ythesamewayhewassi t
edthatnight
whenhepoi ntedmewi thagunandy esthegunI s
l
y i
ngont hecoffeet ableonl ydiff
erenceisthatthis
room looksmor el uxuri
ous.Thi sisnothisplacethis
l
ooksl ikeahot el.Whendi dhegetme?Wher eis
papaRay ?Thel astt hi
ngIr ememberi susstopping
attheRanchhot eltohav elunchbef orehecould
dri
vemebackhome.Whendi dSechabagether e?

“Youcanreal
lysl
eephey
?Hef uckedy
ouint
osome
deepsleep?HowwasitMadz?Tellmehowwasit
?”

“
Sechaba?
”Iaskf
ri
ght
ened

“Comeandtakeaseat.Wehavesomucht
otal
k
about
.”Hesayspoi
nti
ngathi
slap
Irecal
lthatacci
dentandIrunt
othedoorfor
getti
ng
hisgotagun.Itrytoopenthedoorbuti
tsl
ocked.I
turnbacktofacehim cr
ying

“
Sechabay
ouneedt
oletmego.
”

“VotsekSf ebe.It houghty ouwer edifferentbut

you’r
ej ustliket her estoft hem.You’ renothingbuta
cheapwhor e.Al lthi
st imey ouwer elyingpretending
l
ikey oul ovemecosy oujustwant edmet omake
youanexpensi v ewhor e.Nowt hatyouhav e
attr
act edsomemor ony ou’releavingme.t ellme
Madz?Wasy ourmot herev ersick?Orwast hatyour
stunttol eav esot haty oucangooutandspendt ime
withy ourmor on? ”He’ swal kingtowar dsme.sl ow
stepsbuthewi l
lsur elyreachme.Ihav enowher et o
runsoI ’
mj ustl eaningbyt hedoorpr ayingitcan
breakandIr un
“
Isthatwhyy oudidn’
twantanyofust ogohome
wi
thy oucosy ouhadital
lplanned?You’
reawhor
e
Madzaf uckencheapwhor e.”

He’scl
osersoIscr
eam andbangonthedoorbut
thenhegrabsmyneckandstrangl
eme.heputst
he
gunonmyhead

“Youtrythatagai
nI’
l
lshootyouIpromisey ouI’
l
ldo
i
t.Ihavenothingtol
ose.Youtookever
y thi
ngImean
every
thingIhadinme.Wasmyl ov
enev erenough?
”

Heloosenst
hegri
ponmyneckandIst
artcoughi
ng
massagingmyneck.

“
Come.”Hesaysasheleadsmet
othecouchand
makesmesitonhi
slap

“
Whydi
dyoucheatonmewi
thhi
m?Ij
ustneedt
o
know.Howwast
hesex?Washer
oughwashesof
t.
”

“
SechabaI’
venevercheat
edony
ouandIdon’
tknow
whatyou’
ret
alki
ngabout.
”

Aslapav er
yhar dsl aplandsacr ossmyf aceand
sendsmest raighttot hef l
oor.Iseecompl ete
darknesswi t
hal lthest arsshiningbr i
ght
.Heget sup
andputhi sdr i
pshoeov ermyneckandpr essand
pressandpr essunt i
lIfeel l
i
ket heairisl
eav i
ngmy
body .Hejumpsupanddownonmychestl i
keZion
Christi
anmendanci ngt heMokhokhodance.If eel
myr ibscrackingandwi shIcoul ddi ecost hepainis
unbear abl
ebutapi ctureofPhodi sofl
ashesr ighti
n
fr
ontofmeandIhol don.

“
Phodi
sopl
easet
hinkofher
.”Imanaget
osay
Hegetsdownandsit
sonmybrokenchest
.Het
akes
outaphoneandpl
aysavi
deo
“
Wher
eyout
hinki
ngofherwheny
oudi
dthi
sshi
t?

Thev i
deoissuddenl
yenoughtobri
ngmebackto
l
ife.I
t’
sli
keamaj oroper
ati
onwasperf
ormedonme
cosIdon’tfeel
anypainasIgasp
l
ooki
ngatt
hev
ideo.Not
hisi
snotme

“
Whydi
dyoupl
aywi
thmyf
eel
i
ngs?
”

“Idon’tknowwhatgamewhoev ersenty
out hat
videoispl ay
ingbutt hatisnotme.Icouldnev er
dresst hatwayandIdon’ tevenwearanymakeup
wor seIdon’tdrinkandsmoke.Whenwast histaken?
Thislookst obev erylateatnightandIwasnev er
withpapaRayt hattime.Ionlysawhi m dur
ingthe
daywhenwehadl unch.”

Heplaysanothervi
deoandt histi
meisi nsi
demy
room athi
splace.i
tsi
nsidethewar dr
obe.Some
skimpyoutf
it
s,makeup,cigarett
es,Gordons,
st
ashedatsomecor
ner
,
Whatkindofmadnessi sthi
s?Iopenedthat
wardr
obeev eryday.I
’
m aneatfreakandI’
venev
er
seenthosestuffsowhatthehel
l i
sthat
?Theyare
notminethatIknowf orsur
e.

“
Whot
hef
uckar
eyou?
”

“Idon’
tknowwhopl antedthi
sstuf
fyoucouldhav
e
aswell.YouneedtoletmegoSechabaI’m sur
e
papaRayhasr eal
i
zedt hatI
’m mi
ssi
ngandhecalled
thecops.”

“
Fucky
ou.Getupnow.
”

Istr
ugglet
ogetandhetel
lsmeonewr ongmovehe
won’thesi
tat
etoshootme.Wegetoutthr
ought
he
sl
idi
ngdoorandIli
mpmywayupt othecar.
Onlyt henIr eal
izewear eatTheRanchhot el
.I
thoughtwewer eatPhal abor wa.Wher eispapaRay ?
Ilastsawhi m her e.wedon’ tsayany t
hingt oeach
other.West opatMagoebaskl oofmount ainsr i
ght
thereatt hecur vesf ulloft reesandal l.Thepl ace
alway sgav emecr eepsev enwhenwewer epassi ng
throught heday .Thatr oadi sr ightupont hehi ll
t hat
kindoft her oadt hatr equi r
esy out owearaseat bel t
cosi fnoty oucanhi tst uffinsidet hecar .ifyouhav e
travelsicknesst hent hat ’snott her oadf ory ou.For
somet heylosehear ingupunt ilthedriveont hat
deadl yroadi sov er.Ical li
tdeadl ycosi thast aken
somanyl i
ves.Dur i
ngwi nteritget ssomi stythaty ou
wi l
lstruggletoseet her oadahead.Ther eisa
parkingspacej ustbyt hesi deoft heroadandsome
peopl estopf orpi csbutnnaI ’l
l nevercosi tgivesme
somecr eeps.If eel l
ikesomet hingwi l
l grabmeand
pushmer i
ghtinsi det hosel ongt rees.

Heopenst
hedoorandpushesmeout
“
I’
m goi
ngtoasky
outhi
sonemor
eti
me.Whydi
d
y
oucheatonmewithhi
m?Whydi
dyouf
uckhi
m?”

“
Idi
dn’
tcheat
…”

Hedoesn’
twai
tformet
ofi
nish.Het
hrowst
he
phoneonmyface

“Wheny ou’r
ereadyt
otal
kcallmeandohy
ourlover
can’tsaveyoucosheisdeadpit
yhedi
edr
ightaf
ter
fuckingyou.
”

Heget si
nsi
dethecaranddr i
vesoff.Iscream his
nameandt rytomov ebutthepainsendsme
str
aightt
othegroundagain.i
t’sdar
kv erydark.The
phonehasnosignal.Theonlythi
ngusef ulIcansee
i
sthet i
me.It
s12:30am andt hedayisFr i
daythe
13th.WhenIlef
tPhalabor
wai twasthe12t h.
Ihearsomesoundsandst artpr
aying.Pr
omisi
ng
Godt hati
fImakei toutofhereali
veandunharmed
I’
l
ltakePhodisoandwel ivetherestofourl
i
vesas
Nuns.Wewi l
l pr
aisehim dayinanddayout.
……

*
***
***
THEEND*
***
***
*

Seey
ousoon!