TheFor

everLov
e

I
ntr
oduct
ion

“Noz izwe, v ukani !

”Mysi sterturnst ofacet he
otherway ,bury i
ngherheadundert heblanket,
i
nst eadofget tingup.It’
sal way sabat tl
et o
waket hem up, buttheyhav enochoi cebutt o.I
hav et owal kwi ththem half waytoschool asI
don’tf eel comf ort
ableletti
ngt hem wal kalone
throught heov ercrowdedi nformal settl
ement s.
Ourar eaisn’ tthesaf estonanor mal daybutf or
twoy oungki dsi tcanbedeadl y.Toomanygi r
ls
andy oungboy shav edisappear edwi thouta
trace.I t
’seasyt osnatchki dsaroundher e
becausemostoft hem fendf orthemsel vesas
parent sleav etheirhomesear l
yhour sfortheir
j
obs.Someki dsl i
veont heirownl ikeIdowi th
myy oungersi bl i
ngs.Noziz weat13doeshel p
tremendousl ybutImustal way sr emembert hat
sheisst il
lachild.Ev ent houghZanoxol o,11
canalsodot hebasi cs.Theybot hshar eabed
i
nt heroom whi leIsl eepont hesmal l matrass
i
nt heot hermakeshi ftr oom.Thewat eront he
paraff
inst oveisboilingandt heyhav et oshar e
i
t.Iusehal fofitt opr eparesof tpor ri
dge.My
heartdropswhenIseet hemeal i
e-meal i
s
fi
nished.Iletoutasi gh.Thatmeansno
breakfastforallofus.I ’
llhav etohust lehar der
todaybecausei fIdon’ titmi ghtmeanno
supper.Wecanpusht woday swi thoutf oodbut
l
ongert hant hatwewi l
lbet earingeachot her ’
s
headof f.Ipourt hewat erbacki ntot heot her
hotwat erinthebi gpotandswi tchof fthest ove.

“Mkhul ul
iI’
m hungry
.”It urntofi
ndZano
standingbehindmescr at chinghi
shead.Hei
s
duef orahaircutandIliket okeephi
shair
shavedt oavoidli
ceinfest at
ion.
“
Dri
nksomewat
er,
meal
i
e-meal
isf
ini
shed.
”

“
Ican’tgotoschool
onanempt
yst
omach.
”He
i
sforeverhungr
ythi
sone.

“They’
llserveyoulunchatschool .
”Atleast
thereisthatforthem.Itusedt obemyonl y
meal ofthedaybef or
eIdeci dedtodropout
becausewecoul dn’
trelyontheschool meals
onlyandt hegrantmoneydi dn’tt
akeusf ar
.I
wasal readyoutofthesy st
em.

“I
’mtir
edoft het i
nf i
shandpapt heycookevery
day.
”Hewhi nes.Itamazeshowt heyalways
serv
et hesamet hingatschoolandyetever
y
weekat ruckfulloffreshfr
uit
sandv eget
ables
al
way sdeliv
ers.
“Well
,toughZano!Youdon’ thavetheluxur
yof
beingpickyr i
ghtnow.”Iletmyfrustr
ationget
thebetterofme.“ Gobat h!
”Hegoesandgr abs
thewashi ngbasin.Sul
king.Hecouldsul kt
he
wholeday ,that’
showst ubbornheis.“Wake
yoursi
st erup.”

“Iwishmom wasst i
llhere.
”Hemumbl eswhi le
fi
lli
ngt hebasi nwi t
hwat er.Igrabanempt y
bucketandwal ktothecommuni tyt
ap.Mor eto
distractmy sel
f.Iam notdiffer
entf r
om Zanoi n
wishi ngmom wasst i
llal
ive.Wenev erwent
hungr y .Shewor kedasamai df orawhitef amily
andt heyt reatedherfairl
ywel l
.Wewer efed,
clothedandwewentt oschool ,unti
lasudden
i
llnesst ookher .Weusedt oliv
ei nanRDP
house, whi chIassumedwasher sunti
lafterher
funer al whenamancamet ochaseusout ,
claimi ngt heRDPwashi sandhe’ dbeenr ent i
ng
i
toutt omymot herf oryears.Shewasbehi nd
onr entandhedi dn’thavethepat i
encet owait
formet ocomeupwi t
hthemoney .NotthatI
could’veanyway .So, at15,Ipackedupour
bagsandwel eft
.West ayedont hest r
eetsfora
while,unti
loneofmychi ldhoodfri
ends, Thabo,
saidheknewsomeonewhocoul dhel pmewi th
themat eri
altobuildashack.That ’swhenour
newhomewasbui l
t.Thatwassi xy earsago.

“Caval echer i
emf ethu.”Iturntolookatwho
Thaboi stal
kingabout .It’
sthesamegi rlwe’ve
beenseei ngt hepastf ewmont hs.Shetakesthe
samer outeev er
ydayt ocat chtaxisbythe
corner.It’
snotr eall
ysaf eforhertowalkt hese
partsbutsheseemsobl iv
iousorshedoesn’ t
haveachoi ce.Af ewpeopl efrom herarea
catcht axis,mostpeopl edr i
vecars.Shegives
usaner voussmi leasagr eet
ing.Oneofher
habits.Alsooneoft hef ewwhoacknowl edge
usashumanbei ngsaswesi tdayi nandday
outunderthesamet r
eewaitingforanyjob
opportuni
ti
es.It’
stoughouther e.Anycars
that’
sstopslookingforworkersitbecomesthe
battl
eofthefit
test.Ihaven’
tcaughtanythi
ng
thi
sweekandi fIdon’tf
indi
spansoont henwe
will
gohungr y.

“Ntwana,giv
enachanceI
’
ddot
hat
.Bheka
ukuthiupakekanj
ani
.”

“Hamfet
huuyabhanxangoku.Wouldyouwant
someguysper
vingoveryoursi
sterl
i
kethi
s?”
“Ayiwenaandyourhighmoralground.Firstl
y,I
don’thaveasi
ster
.Youactli
keagi r
llikethat
car
esaboutwhaty outhi
nk.Shewoul dn’tgiv
e
youasecondlookwithyourfi
lt
hyself.”Isigh
andwat cht
hegirl
asshedisappearsar oundthe
corner.
“Ist
il
lrespectwomen.Mymot hert aughtme
that.
”Ipickatmydi rt
ynail
s.Oneneedst ogeta
properbathbef or
eIstar
tlookingl i
ket he
nyaopeboy s.Thesli
ceofsoapwehav elef
tat
homei sn’tenoughforal
lus.Bat hingwi t
hout
soapislikenobat hi
ngatallandt hel ackof
deodoranthasmesmel l
ingmy self.

“WhatIknowi sthat
,thatgi
rli
sprobabl
y
carry
inganex pensi
vephonethatcoul
dfeedus
fortwoweeks.Cashi nherbag,t
hat’
sanother
fewweeks.”Iglareathim.Herai
seshishands.
“Justsayi
ng.
”Iwor r
yaboutThabosomet i
mes.
Hisdesperat
ionisgetti
ngdesperat
e.

“
Wedon’
trobpeopl
e!”

“Theydon’
tcareabouty
ou.I’
m hungr
ybra.I
t’
s
beenfourdayswit
houtadecentmeal.
”
“Somet hi
ngwi l
l comeup.Comel et’smov et o
cornerAndr ews.Ther ear eprobabl yt hef ibre
peoplel ooki ngf orwor kers.
”It’
st ool atei nt he
dayt ogetanyj obs,Ijustwantt okeepour
mindsdi stract edbecauset hel yi
ngdownhas
ourmi ndswonder i
ngt odanger oust errit
or y.We
walkandwal kai mlessl yforawhi l
e.Thehot
suni spuni shi ng, andIcanf eelsweatt rickling
downmyback.TheshoesI ’m wear inghav e
seenbet terday sandt het hinsolei sno
protectionagai nstthehott arredr oad.Aswe
walkpassabusycof feeshopmyey est rayst o
oneoft heuneat enmuf fi
nsleftunt ouchedon
oneoft heout sidet ables.Itmustbeni cet ojust
l
eav ef oodunt ouchedl ikethat.I’
mt empt edt o
grabitandr un.JustasIt al
kmy selfoutoft he
madness, t
her ei smov ementi nt hecor nerof
myey e.Thef uckerThabohasj ustgr abbed
someone’ sbag.Ibegi nr unningbecauseIwi l
l
beimpl i
catedbyassoci ati
on.Wer ununt i
l we
can’tseeany onechasi ngusany mor e.Unt i
lwe
di
sappearinthebusi
estsideoft
hesmallt
own.
HehasalreadyremovedtheSIM car
dfr
om the
phoneandswi t
chedi
toff.

“Thatwasn’
tcool,
ntwana.Aheadsupwould
havebeenappreci
ated.
”Isayst
il
ltr
yingt
o
catchmybreath.

“Li
key ouwoul d’
veagr eed.
”Hei srummagi ng
thr
ought hebag.Thepur sehasaboutf ive
hundredandsomechangei nit.Hewav est he
cashinmyf ace.“Thishereisgoodf orus.St op
l
ecturi
ngmeandbet hankful.
”Het hrowst he
bagint hetrashcan.Wewal ktoaphonest or
e
andsel lt
hephonef oranotherR500.I t’
sr obber y
ofcourset hephonei swor thmor ethant hat ,
butwedon’ thaveabar gai
ningpower .Hegi ves
met heR500andwemakeourwaybackhome.
Wepassbyt heshopsandIbuyaf ewgr oceries.
Myey ewonder st owardst hedeodor ant
,it
’sa
l
uxur yandt hesoapwi lldo.It’
slatewhenI
makemywayhome.Icr unchmynoseast he
stenchofsewageIhav etocl i
mbov eront he
narrowr oad.Theshar edtoiletsweusear e
mor elikeager m- i
nfestedhol e.Thelocal
councilloronlyhast hem cleanedwhenhe
needst ober e-
elected.We’ v
er esort
edtousi ng
abuckett hatIempt yitoutev erymor ni
ng.It’
s
betterthansubj ecti
ngmysi blingstothatfil
th.

ZanoissleepingwhenIgethomeandNozi i
s
doingherhomewor kwhil
eit’
sstil
ll
ightout
.I
knowshehasal r
eadyhel
pedherbr ot
herwit
h
hishomewor k.Hereyesbr
ightenwhenshe
seestheshoppingbagsthatarediggingi
ntomy
fi
ngers.

“
Mnt
ase,
youbr
oughtf
ood.
”Shesay
sget
ti
ng
onherf
eet
.Herex
cit
edv
oicer
ousesZanof
rom
hi
snap.

“Yes,andaf ewtoil
etr
ies.Hopeful
ly
,theywill
holduntilnextweekFriday.
”That’
swhent hey
gettheirgrantmoney.

“Youaret
hebestLul
i
.I’
l
lcook.
”Shesay
s
alr
eadygr
abbi
ngonebagfrom me.

“
Nofini
shy
ourschoolwork.I’
ll
cook.
”It
’sbet
ter
f
orhert
ousethenatural
lightthant
hecandl
e.

“Youboughtmepads.
”Herv
oicei
ssof
t,andi
t
cracks.

“
Yes,
thatcl
othy
ouusecan’
tbeheal
thy
.”
“
Thanky
ou.”Ionl
ynod.Sheshouldn’
thav
eto
t
hankmeforherbasi
cnecessi
ti
es.

“
Didy
ougetanybr
eadLul
i
.”Zanoasks.
“Yes, bigmanIdi d.Butsav esomef or
tomor row.Rememberwer ati
on. ”Henodsand
grabst hebr eadt akingoutf oursl i
ces.Hesi t
s
ont heonewor noutcouchwehav e.It
’saone-
seat erthatI’
dpi ckedupf rom t hedumpi ngsite.
Hegobbl est hebr eadwi thoutabr eatherin
bet ween.“ Sl
owdownZano.You’ ll
chokeont he
thing.”Ibegincooki ng.Papwi t
hnecksand
gizzardst hatIbought .Thegr avywi ll
goal ong
way .Inanhourwear eall cleaningourpl ates
clean.Onet hingI’velearnedi st omaket hebest
off oodt hatwehav e.Icancookany t
hingand
makei ttasteful
.

“
Myshoesar
efi
nished.
”Zanomumbl
esal
ready
f
all
i
ngasl
eepwher
ehesi
ts.Il
etoutal
ongsi
gh.

“
Can’
tyoupushf
oronemor
eweek?
”Iask.

“Thefrontisopenandther
eishole
underneath.
”Imentall
ycountwhatIhavelef
t
fort
hemoneywemadet oday.I
tisn’
tenoughto
buyapai rofshoes.

“
I’
llcheckf
orapai
rfory
ouatl
ostandf
ound.
”
Nozisays.

“I
tcoul
dbesomeone’
sshoes.Someonewho
needst
hem aswedo.
”Isaytoher.Sheshr
ugs.

“I
’
llaskmyteacherf
ortheunclaimedpi
le.
”It
sti
ngsthatt
heyhavetodothis,butwehaveno
choi
cefornow.Fornow, becauseIpl
ant
oget
usoutofthi
spovert
y.Idon’tknowhowbutI
’l
l
makeithappenevenifIdietry
ing.

“Ntwanabona, ubraZakesneedsr unners,”

Thabosay sonagl oomyMonday .Ilookupat
thegatheri
ngcloudscov eri
ngt heskyl ikea
thi
cklayerofblanket.Wear enotget ti
ngf ar
todayinourjobsearch.It’
sbeenabadcoupl e
ofweeksf orus,butwest i
llwakeupev eryday
andshowup.Somet imesIf eelaheav ywei ght
sett
leinmyhear t,al
itt
levoicet hatwhi spers
andsayf uckit
,giveup.Butt henIlookatNozi
andZanowhol ookupt omef oranswer sand
pushonemor eday.

“Todowhat?”Icannotbel
ieveI
’m even
consi
der
ingthi
sbutfindi
ngmoneyi nNozi’
sbag
thi
sweekendhasmewor r
ied.Whogav ea
thi
rteen-year-
oldaR100andwhatwoul dshe
havet odof orit
?Herdef ensivet
onewhenI
confrontedher ,
didn’
teasemyconcer nseit
her.
BraZakesi sawellknowt hug.Hedealsi
nstol
e
carsamongstot herthi
ngs.Thabohasbeen
tel
li
ngmehowweneededt oapproachhimfor
ajob.Heneededpeopl ef r
equentl
yforagood
reason.Hi srunnerswereeitheri
njai
lordead.
Bothpr ospectsdon’tappeal t
ome.

“
Heneedsaf ewcar
s.Wejacki
tfrom par
king
l
otsandst
affnoneedf
orheavyshit
.”

“
Idon’
tknowman.
”

“MKyouaresuchapussy
!Thisworl
dwil
l
swal
l
owy ouwholewi
thyoursenseofmor
als.
”
“Ican’tgotojai
lTman.Forwenaitseasy,
its
j
usty ou.I’
vegotmysibl
ingstothi
nkof.I
f
anythinghappenstome, t
heyfal
lpreyt
oall
sortsofpredator
s.”

“Ihearyoumyman.Buti fyoudon’
tprovi
defor
them,theywill
bepr eyanyway .
”Heshrugs
getti
ngonhi sfeet
.“Igot
tabounce,wit
hthis
weather,Idon’
tseeany t
hinghappeni
ngtoday.
”
Iwatchhim ashewal ksaway ,
handsinpocket
andhisshouldershunched.

“
Tman!
”hest
opsandt
urns.“
Countmei
n.”

“Youwon’tregretit
.”Inodalreadyregrett
ingi
t.
Myst omachischur ni
ng.JustasIgetonmy
feettol
eave.Inoticethesamegi rlapproach.
Sheislat
erthanusual .Thatexplai
nsherhur r
ied
walk.Notfarbehindher,Inoticetwoy oung
boys’appr
oach.ThemomentInoti
cetheir
i
ntentIspri
ngint
oacti
onandruntowardsher
.
shestopsandhereyesgowideassheseesme
approach.

“Sawubona.”Shecl apsherbagwi t
hbothhands
asfearcloudherey es.“Iwouldbeworri
ed
aboutthoset woifIwer eyou.
”Igestur
ebehind
herwit
hmyey es.Sheglancesoverher
shoul
derandsl i
ghtl
ypaleswhensheseest he
twoboy s.Ibetshedi dn’
tevennoti
cethatt
hey
werefollowingher.

“Hi.Thanks.”Wewat chthem t
urnand
disappearinthenextstr
eet.Sheresumesher
walk.Iwalkbesidesher.Herposturei
ssti
l
lst
iff
.
Probablysuspici
ousofmymot i
ves.
“Youarel
atet
oday
.”It
ryandmakea
conver
sat
iont
oeaseherfear
s.
“
Yeah,
Iwokeupl
atet
oday
.”

“I
t’
stheweat
heri
t’
sgoodf
orsl
eepi
ngi
n.”Li
keI
knowwhatsl
eepi
ngini
s.

“Yes,iti
s.”Wewal kinsil
enceforawhi l
e.I
’ve
decidedI’m walkinghertothetaxistop.Don’
t
askmewhyIf eel t
hecompul si
on.I
’m acutel
y
awar eofherfreshf l
oralcl
eanscentwhi l
eI
probablysmell l
ikeadr ownedratanddeadf i
sh
combi ned.I
’vealway sbeenparti
cularabout
badodour s.

“
Mynamei
sMkhul
uli
.”Shegl
ancesatme.

“
I’
m Si
sonke.
”
“Nicetoformallymeetyou.Shedoesn’t
respond.Wear eatthestopandIseeat axi
approaching.Shemakest hesi
gnf ort
own.
Whent het axi
stops,shetur
nstolookatme.

“Thanky ouMkhul uli

.”Ismi
leandwav e.Iwatch
thet axiunti
litdisappearsi
ntothedistance.
ThenIf eeladrophi tmeont heforehead.The
cloudshav egat heredandsooni t’
sadownpour .
Idon’ tevenrunasImakemywayhome.I ’m
soakedt othebonewhenIr eachmyf looded
street.

“Mkhul
uli
!”Mybacktenses.I’
vebeent
ryi
ngt
o
avoi
dtheownerofthatvoice.
“Prett
y.”Shei
sstandi
ngunderanumbr el
lain
frontofhermkhukhu,hert
hreadbaremorni
ng
gowni sbarel
yconceali
nganythi
ng.Mybody
reacts.Itr
ememberstheywarmthbetweenher
t
highs.Mymi ndalsoremembersthedayI’
d
walkedinonherwi t
hthetuckshopPaki
stani
manhumpi ngvigorousl
ybetweenherl
egs.That
wast hr
eeweeksago.We’ dbeendati
ngfortwo
yearsbefor
ethen.
“Yi
ni,
uyangzi
ba.
”Ishr
ug.“
Awuf
uni
uzongena
ndi
kwenzelei
kof
u?”

“Nothanks.Ihavet ogethome.”Shedr opsher

umbrellatot
hesi deandimmedi atel
ythefat
rai
ndropspenetratethethi
ncl
oti tbecomea
seethroughthatmybodycan’ tdeny.

“Ar
ey ousur
e.”Il
ooksi
dewaysandint
ernal
ly
shr
ug.It’
sbeenawhil
eandIcan’
treal
lyaff
ord
tobechoosy.Ij
umpthehugepuddl
ebyher
doorandgoin.Shei
salr
eadynakedwaiti
ng.
“
Ujol
anoMohamed.
”Ican’
tleti
tgo.Sheshr
ugs.

“
I’v
egott oeatMkhul uliandIcan’texpecty ou
t
of eedme. ”Thet r
uthst ingsbutIcan’tdenyit.
Weal ldowhatwecant osur v
ive.“I
’vemi ssed
you.”Irespondbyt akingherlipsinmi ne.Soon
t
her oom isfil
ledbyourmoansandgr unts
whichar edrownedbyt hesoundsoft he
r
aindropsagai nstt
hezi nc.Aswebot h
f
ranticall
ychaseourpl easure.

“IgotajobatCheckers.”Shesaysaswel i
ein
herbed.Themuskscentofsexandot her
unpleasantbodyodoursheav yi
nt heair.Iturn
tolookather.Sheprett
ylikehername
suggestsandsheusest histoheradv antage.
Wegr ewupt oget
herunt i
lafewy earsagoour
plat
onicfri
endshi
pturnedt osomet hi
ngmor e.
Shehasal waysbeengoodt omeandmyf ami l
y
whileherpar entswer esti
llal
ive.Whent hey
diednotl ongaftermymot herdied, Ior ganised
forhert ogetherownpl acenotf arf rom our s.
Shehasbeenl i
vi
ngonherownsi nce.Thegr ant
moneyhel pedherandwhenshewasoutoft he
system, shebegandoi ngoddj obs, cleaning,
washi ng,ir
oning,shewasn’ tparticularabout
whatshedi d.Justahar dwor ker.Atl eastshe
didn’tdropoutofschool .Shepassedandshe
passedwel l
.Iadmi r
ehercour ageandst rengt h.
“I
’m sorryifIhurtyou.”Ireali
set hent hatI
haven’trespondedt oherj obannouncement .I
l
inkourf ingerstogether.

“
Iunderst
andPret
ty.I’
m pr
oudofy ou.
”She
f
oldsherbodyt
owar dsme,rest
ingherheadon
mychest.If
eel
amomentofpeaceanddr i
ftof
f.

{Thi
sisunedi
tedwor
k.Ihav
eanedi
torwho
worksonmypubl i
shedtit
les.Pl
easelikeand
sharetohelpgrowt hepageandr eachmor e
readers.Foral
lmypublishedbooksv i
sita
bookstorenearyou.UnspokenTruthis
avail
ableonKindleAmazon}
TheFor
everLov
e
Chapt
er1

Thecopshav ejustdet ainedthef or ei

gn
nationalst hatdon’ thav eper mits.Thef ewthat
wereunf ortunatet obecapt ured.Ihat emyself
forthel i
ttl
ev oi
cet hatrejoicedint hei
rdemise.
Theyhav et heirownZano' sandNozi '
stolook
outf or.Truthbet oldwear eallint hesameboat
i
nt hesepar ts.Fightingforsur vival.Nooneups
andl eavest heircount ryt obakei nt hesunand
tobeexpl oitedatev eryt urnjustf orthefunofit
.
It
’shardl
ylongbef oreabakki epullsup.Iknow
theguy,heinstal
lsfibreintheneighbouring
suburbs.I
’veonlywor kedwi t
hhim oncebuthe
hadhisregularpeoplet hathewor kedwith.I
supposemostoft hem areamongstt hegroup
thatwasjustcartedawaybyt hecops.

“
Looksl
i
kei
t’
sourdayt
oday
,”Thabosay
s
al
readyget
ti
ngonhi sf
eetapproachi
ngtheguy.
Wehadn’tdoneanyjobforbraZakesyetand
partofmeissi
lent
lygr
ateful
.

“
Suremaout
ies.
”Theguycal
l
stouswhi
l
e
r
oll
i
ngdownhiswindow.

“Yebongaml
a.”Webothsay
.Ahabi
treal
l
y.
Anyonewhoprovi
desajobyi
ngaml
ainourey
es.

“Ar
eyoutwolooki
ngf
orwor
k?”Duh!Weenj
oy
sunbat
hing.

“
Yebogr
oot
man,
”Isayi
nst
ead.

“Comeont
hen.”Wedon’taskquest
ionswe
bothcl
i
mbattheback.Nofeeisnegoti
atedand
noworkcondi
ti
ons.Sobonaphambi
l
i.That
’s
themott
oaroundhere.

Ilookatthest r
etchofconcr etebef oreme.
Eachofusar eassignedt odi g20met resfor
theday .I
t’
sahar d-soli
dsur f
acet hatisn’
t
getti
nganyeasi erthelowerwego.I ’
vealready
dugdeepenoughi tgoest omywai stbut
mov i
ngf orwardispr ovingt obeachal l
enge.I’
m
sweatinginareasInev ert houghtcoul dsweat
butthatistheleastofmypr oblems.Al lmy
musclesar escreami ngi npai neverytimeIl i
ft
thepickaxe.Withev eryliftI’m suremybones
areshifti
ng.Ast hehour sgo, Ibegint oslow
downandf eelsl
ightlyfaint .Itcouldbet heheat
orhungerorbot h.ButIsol dieron.Weonl yget
paidwhenwer eacht het ar getforeachday .We
needt oclosethetrencheswear eopeni ngby
theendoft heday .
“MK, it’
sbr eaktimemyman, ”Thabosay snot
farfrom me.Idr opt hepickaxeandcl i
mboutof
myhol e.WhenIl ookaroundal lofmyt eam
mat eshav emov edt ositundertheshade.
Thabohasbeendi ggingont heothersideofthe
street.Iguesst heyt houghtiftheyseparatedus
wewoul dn’tslackof f.I
’
m notr eal
lysurewhatI
needabr eakf or.It
’snotlikeIhavelunch.“Igot
ussomef ood.”Thabocomest omyr escue,
rai
singabl ackplasticbag.Ithaspot atochips
andal oafofbr ead.

“
AahTman.Ineededt
his.
”Isayf
oll
owi
nghi
m
t
oashade.

“
Igoty
oubr
o.”

“
It
shotouther
etoday
.”Isayhal
fwayt
hrough
t
hemeal.
“Hayimfethukubil
enomsi nt
sil
a.”Wecrackup
l
aughing.ThabohasaXhosamot hert
hathe
visi
tedwhenhewasy oung.Buthewasr ai
sed
byaTswanaf at
herandit’
salway swei
rdwhen
hepullsouttheseXhosaphrases.

“Idon’
tthinkmyspinecanhandl
etheli
ft
ing
anymore.”Itakeagulpoft
hewatert
hatthe
bosshadgi venus.Theonl
ythi
ngheprovided.

“
Youhav etoMK.May
bet
hiscouldbeoutgi
g.I
f
weimpressthi
sman,
hemightj
ustuseus
r
egular
ly.
”

“
I’
m counti
ngonthat.
”Befor
elongwer et
urnt
o
work.Imoveatafast
erpacenowt hatt
hebel
ly
i
sfull
.Iti
ssundownalmosteveni
ngwhenwe
packupt het ool
sfortheday .Thebossdr ops
usof fattheedgeofourar ea.Hei sn’t
comf ort
ablegoinginnotthatt her
ei sproper
roads.ThaboandIwal ki
nsi l
ence.Wear eso
fati
guedt heonlyenergywehav ei
sr eservedf
or
getti
nghome.Heget stohisspor tbeforeme
andIcont inuebymy sel
f.

I
t’
sal r
eadydar
kwhenIr eachhomebutbefor
eI
getint
othehouse,Zanocomesrunni
ngfrom
betweenthenei
ghbour’
smkhukhu.Hi
sey esare
wideandheispanting.

“
Lul
i,
youhavetocome!”hebreat
hesouti
na
r
ushbef
oreIcanaskanythi
ng.

“
What
?Why ?What
’shappeni
ng?
”het
urnsback
t
hewayhecame.
“It
'sNozi.”Idon’taskany more.Irunaf t
erhim
achingmuscl esforgotten.I
t’sast r
ugglet orun
i
nt hedar kast heareahasnoel ect
rici
ty.Some
peopl ehavegener atorsont hathelpwi t
hbet ter
l
ightingbutt henoiset heymakei sdeafening.
Wemakei ttotheot hersideoft heinformal
settl
ement sjustwher et heRDPhousesbegi n.
Therei sstreetli
ght sthissi
de.Bef oreIcanask
any t
hing.Ther ei
scommot i
onaheadofus.I
pickupt hepace.Ir eacht hegr oupofpeopl e
j
ustwhenoneguyi ssmacki ngawomanont he
face.Whenmyey esadj ust,Ireali
seit’
sPr et
ty .

“Sheisachi ldyousicko!”shescreams.Only
thenIr eal
isethemant hatjustsl
appedherhas
ahar dgr i
ponNozi '
sarm.Il osemyshitandrun
towardshi m barr
ell
i
ngi ntohim.Istar
tl
ehim
i
ntolosi nghisgri
ponNozi andhegoes
crashingont hesandygr oundwithmeont opof
him.
“Lesi
febesit
hatheimaliy
am!Sheowesme! ”He
saystryi
ngtoblockmypunches.It
’sthewr
ong
thi
ngt osayasIloseall
cont
rolandletmyf
ists
rai
nonhi m.Ifeelahandpul
l
ingmeawayf rom
him.

“He’
shadenoughMkhu.Letgo.”I
t’
sPret
ty'
s
voi
ceurgi
ngme.ButIcan’
tletgo.Whothehel
l
doesthi
smanthinkhei
s.

“That
’smysist
er!Achi
l
d!Howsi
ckar
eyou?
”
Thereisnomovement.
“Lul
i.
”Icanbar el
yhearZano’svoi
cebutthefear
i
nhist onehasmepul li
ngawayf r
om theman
onthegr ound.Herol
lstothesidecl
utchi
nghis
stomach.He'lll
iv
e.Il
ookar oundtof
indNozi
glar
ingatme.
“
Whathav
eyoudone?
”sheasks.

“Whathav eIdone?
”I’
m st
ruggli
ngtocont
rol
my
breat
hing.Therear
eafewpeopl ear
oundus
observi
ngwi t
houti
nter
fer
ing.“
Whatwereyou
doingwithhim?”

“I
t’
snoneofyourbusi
ness!
”Istormt owardsher
pull
i
ngoutmybelt.Honest
ly,
I’
dnev erlaya
handonmysibli
ngsbutheratti
tuderightnow
hasmeseeingred.

“
Arey
ousl
eepi
ngwi
thhi
m?”

“
EvenifIam, youarenotmyfat
herMkhul
uli
!
”I
t
rytoopenmymout htosaysomethi
ngwhil
e
r
eachi
ngf orher.ThenIf
eelahandonmyarm.
“Mkhu,
”Prett
ycal l
smei nasof t
ertone.“Let’
s
godealwiththisathome.”Istandf orasecond
withNozidef
iantl
ymeet i
ngmyst are.ThenI
l
ookaroundusatt heaudiencewe’ veattract
ed.
Themanhasl ongcrawl
edawaypr obablytoli
ck
hiswounds.IshrugPrett
y’shandandwal k
away.Icanhearthem fol
lowbehi ndme.

“
LuliI
’
m hungry.
”Zanosay saft
erawhi l
e.I’
ve
f
orgott
enthatwehadn’tcookeddinneryetand
i
t’
sprobabl
ytoolatetostartwhenweal l
hav e
t
obeupear l
ymor ni
ng.

“Ihav
esampandbeansathome.
”Pr
ett
yof
fer
s.
Iwanttoweepwi
thgr
ati
tude.

“Thankyou.
”Isay
.Wewal kt
oherhousei
n
sil
ence.I
t’
smuchneatert
hanoursandsi
nce
shestart
edworki
ngshehaspickedupafew
thi
ngstomakei tnicer
.Shehasasol arl
amp
thatbri
ght
ensupt hesmal l
spacethemoment
i
t’son.ZanoandNozi takethecouchwhileIsi
t
i
noneoft heplasti
cchairsshehas.Noziissti
l
l
sulki
ng.

“Canyout el
lmewhatt hatwasNozi?”Cwaka.
“Nozi,
I’mtal
kingt
oy ou?”Hersi
lence
aggravatesmefur
ther.Whathashappentomy
sweetsister
?

“
May
beweshoul
deatf
ir
st,
”Pr
ett
ysuggest
s.

“Yes,
”Zanov ehementlyagrees.Inafew
minutessheser v
esust hetastysamp.When
I
’m donemyey esfeel
heav y.Zanoisalr
eady
passedoutont hecouchsi ncehewast hefir
st
tofi
nish.Igetupandcol l
ecttheirpl
atesto
washt hem.
“
Don’
twor
ryaboutt
hedi
shes,
”Pr
ett
ysay
s.

“I
t’sonlyfair
.Youcooked. ”Shecomesand
standnextt omebyherki tchentablewhere
mostt hingsare.It
'scoveredinapl asti
ctabl
e
cl
ot hthatseemst obest uck.Wewor kin
si
lencef orawhi l
e.I’
m barelystandingandmy
musclesar eremindingmeoft heabuset hey
wentthr oughduringtheday .

“Maybeyoushoul
dsleephere.
”Shesuggests
andwhenI’
m abouttoopposeIlookbackand
fi
ndbothki
dssleepi
ng.

“
Okay
.It
hinkt
hat
’sagoodi
dea.
”

“
I’
ll
sleepwi
ththem ont
hebedandyoucan
t
akethecouch.
”Assheisaboutt
omoveaway
,
Ihol
dherar
m andhal
thermov
ement
.

“Thankyouforlooki
ngoutforNozi
.”Icar
ess
thebrui
seformingatthesi
deofherface.“How
didyouknowt ogetther
e?”
“Zanocamet ogetme.Hewaswor ri
edthat
Noziwasaboutt odosomethingst
upi
d.”My
gutchurnsatthoughtofwhatmybabysist
er
hasbeenupt o.

“Doyouthi
nksheissl
eepi
ngwithhi
m?”The
manisoldenoughtobeourf
ather
!Sheshakes
herhead.

“Noty
et.ButMkhu,
soonshe’ l
lfal
lfort
hese
promi
sesofmoneyfrom thesesickmen.You
havet
odosomet hi
ng.”Hereyesturnstor
my.
“Li
kewhat!Ican’
tbeev er
ywhere.Theyhavet
o
eatandhalfthet
imeI’m nothomewi t
hthem.
”I
feelpower
lessri
ghtnow.

“Idon’
tknowbabes. ”Shewrapsherar
ms
aroundmywai standhugsme.Isoaki nher
warm andcomf ortaswestandli
kethatfora
fewmi nut
es.

Afterf
indi
ngacomf ort
ableposit
ionwhilemy
l
ongf r
amei sfol
dedinthecouch, If
all
intoan
exhaustedsl
eep.I’
m awokenfrom mydeep
sl
umberbyasoundofcl anki
ngpot .

“
What
’stheti
me?”Iaski
npani
cwhi
l
ethr
owi
ng
t
hebl
anketof
f.

“
It
’sj
ustaf
ter5.
”Il
ookar
oundt
oseet
heki
ds
haveal
readybat
hed.Zanoishavi
ngt eaand
breadwhil
eNozii
splayi
ngwithhers.“Ther
eis
warm wateront
hestove.
”

“Thanksbabe.”I
fweallbat
hwecanjustr
ush
homet ochange.Justt
henwehearcommoti
on
from out
side.

“Fi
re!”someonescr eams.Weal lrunoutt o
checkwher ethefir
ei s.Fir
ei snev eragood
thi
ngar oundhere.Wef ol
lowt hegr oupof
peoplewi t
hwetblanket sandbucket sofwat er
somesand.Igetphy sicall
ysickwhenIseet he
dir
ectionthesmokei scomi ngf r
om.Thecl oser
wegett hemor ethel eadbecomest eelinmy
gut.Ourhouseisconsumedbyf lamesandi t
’s
toolatesavingi
twhi lethenei ghbour sare
workinghardtokillthef i
rebef or
ei t’
sspr eads
tothem, oneofthem i salreadycat chingf i
re.
Thecommuni tyworkshardandf astunt
ilt
he
fi
reisout.I
t’
sfor
tunatethatsomeonesawt he
fi
reinti
meoneper sonsays.Istandther
ewi t
h
mysi bl
i
ngsandPr et
tywatchingthewhole
shacknothi
ngbutdust.Ifeelnumb.

“Mybooks!”Nozi say s.Iwantt otel

lheri
t’
sthe
l
eastofourpr oblems.Butherbooksar e
i
mpor t
anttoher .Peopl edisperseassoonas
thefi
reisout.Somespecul at
eonwho’ sdonei
t
astheywalkaway .Ihav eanideawhobutI
don’
tvoiceitoutloud.

“Youtwowillhavetomi ssschooltodaywhil
eI
fi
gureoutaplan.”Isaytothem.Idon’tknow
wheretobeginr i
ghtnowbutourf eetcar
ryus
backtoPret
ty's.Thekidsarestay
ingathers
andIthankf
ullytakeabathanduseher
toi
let
ri
es.Ir
usht owher ewearesupposedt o
meett
hebossf
orwork.Heissupposedtopi
ck
usupwher
ehedroppedusoffl
astnight
.

“Dude,
didn’
tyousl
eepathome? ”Thaboasks
whenheseesme.Iarri
vejusti
nt i
measthe
bakki
epull
sup.

“Ei
shbra.Wehadafi
rethismorni
ng.Ourshack
burneddown.
”HeisshockedasItakehim
thr
oughtheevent
sfr
om theprevi
ousnight
.

“Thatf
uckerdidi
t!Imeanwhataret
heodds.
Youbeathim upandthenextt
hingy
ourhouse
i
sonf i
re!
”

“
Yeah,
wel
l
.Ihav
enopr
oof
.”
“
Ther
ear
eot
herway
stomakehi
mtal
k."

“
Nodude.Wel
eav
eital
one.
”

“Youar esuchasof t
y.”Heshakeshishead.As
wedr ivepassthetaxistop,
Igetaglimpseof
Sisonkegetti
nginat axi
.Ihadplannedtobe
earlysothatIcoul
dgomeetheratt heedgeof
hersuburbandwal khert othet
axistopbutthe
universehadotherplans.
Thedayi smor ebrutalthant heprev i
ousone.
Mybodyi sher ebutmymi ndi sgoingi ncir
cles.
Whatar ewegoi ngtodo?Wecan’ tstaywi th
Pret t
yf orever.It
’snotfaironher .Our
relationshipisn’tatthatlev elandIhat eto
bur denherwi thmypr oblems.Ineeduni form,
clothes, f
oodandshel ter.If eell
ikeI ’
m start
ing
allov eragainandt hewei ghti sheav y.Icanfeel
myt houghtsbr ingi
ngmedownast heday
progr
esses.Byt
het
imeweknockof
f,I
’
mready
topassout.

“
Here,
”Il
ookatt
hecasht
hatThaboshov
esi
n
myhand.

“What’
sthi
sfor
?”Iaskhi
m hol
dingt
hest
ashof
cash,
counti
ngit
.

“Iwasgoi
ngtodeposi
titaf
terwor
k.Youcan
useitmor
ethanmer i
ghtnow.”

“
Wheredi
dy ougett
his?
”Wehav
en’
tbeenpai
d
y
et.I
t’
sR1500.

“Ihust
lemfet
hu.Somet hi
ngsy
oudon’
tneedto
knowbecauseyou’l
ltal
kmeoutofi
t,
”hesays
notmeet
ingmyey
es.

“
Thabo.
”

“
Fine,
I’
vebeensel
l
ingweed.
”Myey
eswi
den.

“Where?How?I
sn’
titst
il
li
ll
egal
tosel
lthat
shi
t?”

“Br
a,howi
sitt
haty
ouarealwaysconcer
ned
aboutt
hel
awwhenitdoesn’
tgi
veacrapabout
you.
”

“
Thatdoesn’
tevenmakesense.Idon’
twant
y
outoendupi njai
l
.”Honestl
yThabohasbeen
l
i
keabrothertomeandt olosehi
m woul
dsuck.
“Taket hecash.I fwehur rywecanst il
lfindt he
shopsopen.Atl eastgety oursibli
ngsuni form
andaf ewbooks. ”Weaskourbosst odr opus
offbyt henear estmal l
.Ibuyt heunif
orm.At
l
eastt heyweargr eyandwhi te.Iaddaf ew
groceriesbecauseIdon’ twantust ospongeof f
onPr etty.Thabowal ksmeunt i
lwegetto
Prett
y ’
spl ace.Shei sal r
eadyhomecooki ng.I
giveherR500oft hecashsor tofourrentf or
theti
mebei ngunt ilIfi
guresomet hi
ngout .At
l
eastwewi l
l beget ti
ngpai dattheendoft he
week.Themoneyf r
om t hatcanhelpmet ostar
t
buil
dinganot hermkhukhu.Ineedmor ecash
thoughf ast.May beaweekendj obaswel l.
Stayi
ngwithPret
tyandt hekidshaskill
edt he
romanceintherelati
onshi
p.It’
sbeenaweek
alr
eadyandtheyal l
shareabedwhi l
eIsl eepon
thecouch.MostnightsIcomehomeand
coll
apseonthecouchf rom exhaust
ion.I
haven’
tevengottenachancet ospeakt oNozi.
Atleastshei
snotsul
ki
nganymor
e.Shehas
spokentome, t
hefewti
meswe’
vebeenabl
eto
haveamoment .

“Bafethu,
sincethejobisn’tcompleted,wecan
onlyputinaninvoicethef ol
lowingweek.That
meansIcan’ tpayyout hisweekend.”Theboss
deli
versthenewst ousj ustaswef i
nish
packinghistool
s.Noonesay sanyt
hingwejust
l
ookathi mi nshock.Somemenmumbl e
amongstt hemselves.

“Butmybr athatisnotwhaty oupromisedus.

Yousai di tpai
dweeklynothingabout
compl eti
ngt hejobwasment i
onedbefore
hand,”Isay .Imeanhewasbei ngstupi
difhe
thoughtt hiswasaoneweekj ob.Thisj
obcould
goonf ortwomor eweekst hat’
showext ensi
ve
i
tis.
“Hademf ethu.Imiscal
culat
ed.Unfort
unatel
y,i
f
I
’m notpaidIcan’tpayyou.”Nothi
ngIcansay
tothat
.Hedr opsusof fatourusualspotear
li
er
thanusual.Myhear ti
stooheavyformet oget
homeempt yhanded.

“Youknowthat
’sbul
lshi
tri
ght?”Thabosaysthe
momentwegetof ft
hebakkie.“I
’m notcomi
ng
backheret
obeexploit
edbythisclown.”

“
Whatar
eyougoingtodo?Justl
etaweek’
s
wor
kgodownthedrai
n?”Heshrugs.
“Icoul
d’vebeendoi
ngsomethi
ngelseinst
ead
ofwastingmyt i
meandener
gyhere.That’
sal
l
I
’m sayi
ng.”

“
Likewhat
?”
“Therei
sbraZakes.
”Ishakemyhead.“
You
couldmakethemoneytorebui
l
dinaday .
”

“I
’
llgi
vethefi
brej
obachanceman.Itcoul
dbe
agreatgi
g.Honestwor
k.”Hesnor
ts.Cl
aspme
onmyshoulder.

“Ihaveawomant osee.I’
llchecky ou
tomor r
ow.”Hegoesadi ff
er entdirect i
on.Idon’t
wantt ogohomey et.SoIf i
ndmy selfwal king
thedirect
ionofSisonke'srout e.Iwai tinthe
cornerweusuallysitinandaf ewmi nut esafter
arri
vi
ngsheget sof fataxi.Itakeamomentt o
l
ookatherasshecomescl oser ,l
ooki ngdown
obli
vious.Shehasonabl ackpenci lskirtthat
hugshergenerouscur v
es.Showi ngahi ntof
bottl
elegs.Herfloralbl
ousei st uckedi nand
sheiswear i
ngflatshoes.Shehasbr aidstiedin
anupdoandshowcasi ngherr oundface.Ican’t
explainmypool towardsher .Sheisn’
tmyusual
type.Iusuall
ydatewoment hatarepet itel
ike
Prettyandont heli
ghterside.Sheisn’tdark
thougheitherbutnotasl i
ghtasPr ett
y .Notas
beaut i
ful
tooifI’
m honest.Whyam Iev en
l
ooki ngatherthatway .AsifIstandachance.

“
OhhiMkhul
uli
,
”shegr
eet
sst
art
ledwhenIf
all
ast
epnextt
oher.

“Youreal
l
yshoul
dbemoreawar
eofy
our
surr
oundi
ngs.
”Shesi
ghs.

“Yeah,
mymom al way
ssay sI
’m obl
ivi
ous.How
haveyoubeen?”Shet
urnsherbrowney est
o
me.Theyarewarm,ki
ndandi nv
iti
ng.They
makemewantt olaymyheadonhergener ous
bosom andcrymyheartout
.Isl
ightl
yshakeoff
myhead.I
’
m notsur
ewher
emyst
upi
d
t
hought
sarecomingfr
om.

“I
’v
ebeengood. ”Il
i
e.Shedoesn’tneedtohear
aboutmyper sonalwoes.Il
ookatmydust y
cl
othesandmuddywor kboot sandcri
nge.At
l
eastIdon’tsti
nk.Thankstoagoodbat hand
deodorant
.Imi ghtbesweatybutthati
stobe
expect
edfrom aday ’sl
abour.“Howhaveyou
been?”

“I
’m okay.Wor
kiscrazythough,
”shesays.My
eyeswidensurpr
isethatsheisevenspeaki
ng
fur
ther.

“
Yeah?Wher
edoy
ouwor
k?”

“
Iwor
katacal
lcent
ref
oramobi
l
ecompany
.”
Shel
ooksupatmeandsmi l
es.OkayItake
what
everIt
houghtaboutherbeaut
yback.She
i
sbeauti
ful
.“Fi
rstj
ob.NotwhatIst
udiedfor.
”

“Whatdi dyoust udyfor?”Wecont i

nuetowalk
throughtheempt ystret
choflandthat
separatesthesubur bsandt hetownship.I
t’
s
nottheof f
icialr
oadt hattheyusetocrossbut
thelocalshav egivenuponr ebuil
dingt
hewal l
thatseparatesus.

“
FinanceManagement
."

“
Youmustmesmar
t,
”Isay
.Shel
aughs.

“
YeahI
’
m mor
ebr
ainst
hanbeaut
y.”If
rown.
“
Youar
ebeaut
if
ult
oo.
”Shebl
ushes.

“Iwasn’
tfi
shi
ngforacompl
ement
.I’
veal
ways
beentoldt
hatIl
ookli
kemydadmore.
”She
shrugs.

“
Thatdoesn’
tmeany
ouar
eugl
y.
”Ii
nsi
st.

“Thankyou.Sowhatdidyoust
udyf
or?”Icl
ear
myt hr
oat.I
’dneverhadt
oadmitmyfai
lur
esto
anyonebefore.

“Idi
dn’
tfi
nishmymat
ri
c.Idr
oppedouti
ngr
ade
11.”

“
Oh.
”
“
Yeah.
”

“Schooli
sov
err
atedany
way
.”Shesay
s.I
chuckle.

“
Say
ssomeonewi
thaf
inancedegr
ee.
”

“Worki
ngonmyhonour
stoo.
”Shewi
ggl
esher
eyebrows.

“
Goy
ou.
”Shel
aughs.

“
Thati
ssowei
rdcomi
ngf
rom y
ou.
”

“
Whyi
sthat
?”Iaskaswer
eacht
hewal
l
.
“Youseem l
i
kethi
sbut
chZul
uorXhosaman.I
can’
treal
l
ypiny
ou.”

“
Mom Zul
ufat
herXhosa.
”

“
Aret
heyst
il
lal
i
ve?
”
“Myf at
herl
eftwhenmyyoungerbrotherwas
sti
l
l i
nthewomb.Mom diedsixyearsago.We
havestoppedmov i
ngasifbymutual
agreementthi
siswhereweseparate.

“I
’
m sorryt
oheart
hat
.It
’snev
ereasyt
olosea
parent
.”

“
Areyouspeaki
ngf
rom exper
ience?
”herey
es
t
urnsad.
“Yes.Myfat
her
.Si
xmont
hsago.I
’
m st
il
l
deali
ng.
”

“
I’
m sorr
y.”Sheshr
ugs.“Wel
l
,I’
l
lleav
eyouher
e
t
hen.Seey ouMonday.
”

“Seey ouMonday .
”Iwatchherunt
ilshe
disappearsfrom myvi
ewandheadhome.Wel
l
toPretty’
s.Idon’
thaveahome.

(Thanky oufort
hepr evi
ousshares.Let ’
s
continuetoshareandl i
ket
hepost spl ease
.Thest or
yisuneditedwork.Youcanf i
ndall
myedi tedti
tl
esatabookst or
eneary ou.CNA,
BargainBooks,Exclusiv
eBookset c.Ifthey
don’thaveitonstockaskthem toor derforyou.
)
Post
ingday
swi
l
lbeTuesday
sandFr
iday
s.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er2

“Noz i
,comesi tdownandt alkt ome.”Shest ops
washi ngt hedishesandwi pesherhandswi t
ha
dishcloth.Iwai tpati
entlyforhert ofi
nish.Pretty
hadsuggest edIspeakt oherl i
keanequal and
reall
ylistentoher .I’
m wi l
li
ngt otrybecause
actingtoughwi thherisn’treall
yhelping.It
’s
beent woweekssi ncethef i
reincidentandt his
i
st heonl yfreeSat urdayIhav e,andI’vedecided
tospendi twiththem.I t’
salsoPr ett
y’sdayof f
soshehast akenawal kwithZanot ogetwat er.
Nozi comesandsi tsont hecouch.Shecan’ t
meetmyey es, andthishasbeenhappeni ngf or
thepastt woweekssi ncethef ir
e.Imov efrom
thechai randsi tnexttoheront hecouch, taki
ng
herhandi nmi ne.Shet ensesf orasecondbut
thenhert
earyeyesl
if
ttomeetmi
ne.Isqueeze
herhandandletgo.

“Ilostmyv ir
ginit
ywhenIwas15, j
ustafter
mom di ed.”Ibegin.Herey eswi deni nsur pri
se.
“Itmi ghtbeconsi deredt ool atef oraboyi n
thesepar t
s,butIwasn’ tready .Iwasnev er
thinkingaboutsex.I ’dgonet osisSei pati
.Do
your emembermom’ sol df ri
end? ”shenods.
“Yep, Ithoughtshecoul dhel pt akingusi n.But
i
nst eadshebegant ouchingmei nway sIf el
t
uncomf ortabl
e.Thenshe’ dgi vememoney
afterwar ds.Ididn’tl
ikewhatshedi dbut
becauseweneededt hemoney ,Ikeptqui etand
usedt hecash.Oneday ,i
nst eadoff i
ndingherin
herl oungewhenIv i
sited, shewasi nt he
bedr oom naked.Shedi dal lt
hewor k,
mani pulatingmet omeetherneeds.I twasugl y,
Ifeltsi ckandatt hesamet imemybodywas
bet r
ay i
ngme.It ookt hemoneyandr an.Inev er
wentbackt oher.It’
sashameI ’vebeencarrying
fory earsandIhav enev ertol
dany oneexcept
now. ”Herey esarewi de,andIcanseet ear
s
formi ng.“
Nozi ,
Iwor khardsot hatyoudon’tfall
victi
mt opeopleli
keSei pati
.Iknowt hi
ngsar e
har dandt herearethingsyouneedt haty ou
mi ghtnothav eatthismoment .Butthi
si sj
usta
momenti nourl i
fe.I
twon’ talwaysbelikethisI
promi se.Cany outellmewhat ’
sgoingonwi th
you? ”Shesni f
fs.

“I
t’
sjustsodi f
ficultt
owat chy ouworkhardfor
us.ThenIf eelguil
tyforaddingthingsli
kepads,
hairproductsandt oi
letr
iesi
ntot hemix.My
fr
iendslaughathowmyhai ris,orthehandme
downsIwearort helackoflunchboxes.”She
shrugs.

“
Ift
heyl
aughaty
ou,
theyar
enoty
ourf
ri
ends.I
knowthingsarehardrightnowf oryou.I
’
v e
beenthere.Iknowthemocki ngcanbebr utal
.
Canyouhangi nt
herebabygi r
ljustawhil
e
l
onger?Youdeser vesomuchmor e.
”Shenods.
“Canwemakeadeal ?
”

“
Adeal
?”Inod.

“Thatwhent
hingsgettoomuchforyou,
you’
ll
speaktome.Ipromisenotj
udgeyoumntaka
ma.”

“Okay.Iwil
l
.I’
m sor
ryLul
i
,”herv
oicecr
acks.I
pullheri
nmyar ms.

“Youhavenothingtoapologisef
or.
”Wesitl
i
ke
thi
sforawhile.“Di
dyouhav esexwithhi
m?”
shetensesbutdoesn’tpull
away.
“
No.”Sheshakesherhead.“
ButIwasgoi
ngt
o.
Hegavemet heR100andhepromisedme
more.It
houghti
twouldbeeasymoneyandi
t
wouldhel
pusout.”Shesni
ff
s.

“Doyout hinky
ouar ereadyforsex?”she
shakesherhead.“Sexcanbeabeaut ifulact
betweent wopeoplethatareoldenought o
understandwhatit’
sabout.Ital
socomeswi t
ha
l
otofr esponsi
bil
it
y.Pregnancy,STDsandSTI s.
Youneedt ounderstandhowcont racepti
v es
workandmosti mportant
lycondoms. ”Shepul l
s
away.

“
It
’swei
rdt
alki
ngt
oyouaboutsexLul
i
.”

“
Unf
ort
unat
ely
,I’
m al
lyou’
vegotki
d.”
“
I’
m notaki
d.”

“Noy ouar
enot.Youar
emybr
ightandbeaut
iful
sist
er.Who’
shadmybackf
orawhi l
enow.I’
m
proudofyou.
”

“
Iwon’
tlety
oudownLul
i
,Ipr
omi
se.
”

“Thebesty oucandof ormei snotletyour

self
down. ”Shenodsandwet alkabout
contraceptiv
es.AsmuchasIwanthert otake
some.Ican’ tforceitonher.Mor ethananyt
hing
therearediseasest hatcan’tbepr event
edby
pil
lsori nj
ecti
on.Shepr omisest oletmeknow
whenshebegi nshav i
ngsexsot hatIcantake
hertot hecli
nic.I’
m hopingt hetrustweare
buil
dingwi l
lholdhert othatpr omise.
It
’sthe3rdweekandt hefinal
dayont hefibre
j
ob.Wef i
nishedaboutanhouragoandwe’ ve
beenwai t
ingf orourbosstocomepayus.
Thabotruet ohiswor dneverretur
nedonsi t
e.
Bythetimet hemancomesback, someoft he
menhav ef al
lenasleepundert hei
rhat
s.I’
m
star
ingintospacet hi
nkingofmynextpl an.

“I
’v
egotbadnewsf ory oubaf et hu.I’ve
submittedtheinv oi
ceandt hey ’
llonlypayme
withi
nsev enday s.Someonest il
l hast ocome
onsiteandev aluate.So, untilthenpay mentwi l
l
bependi ng.
”Icanbar elyheart her estofwhat
hesay s.Mymi ndi sstuckont hef i
rstpar tofhis
speech.Ishet akingusf orar ide?Ir eall
ydon’ t
wanttor ocktheboatbyaski ngsuchquest ions.
Heowesmemoneyandi fIangerhi mt hat
mightjustgivehim anoppor tuni t
yt or enegade.
Hegivesushi sbusi nesscar dst ocal lhim after
sevenday s.Atthispoi ntI’m notr eallyhopef ul.
Aswesi tatthebackofthev an,facessol emn
andeachper sonlosttot
heirthoughts, If
eel
suchcrushingdisappoi
ntment.It
’sget ti
ng
dif
fi
cultt
obr eat
he.ImeanR2250f ort hethree
weekswor kwoul dhavegoneal ongway
towardsrebuil
ding.What’
swor seI’m going
homeempt yhanded.

Outofhabi tIsi tandwai tforSisonkeunderthe

treeinsteadofgoi nghome.I t’
sst i
ll
tooearl
y
butIhav enowher eel setogo.I ’vebeenwalking
herev erymor ningandaf ternoon.Wespeak
aboutr andom t hingsandsomet imeswewal kin
compani onablesi lence.Somet imesIgeta
feeli
ngt hatshei sf i
ghtingherowndemonst hat
shedoesn’ tshar e.Ienjoyspeaki ngtoher.I
t
makesmef eel l
ikeI ’
m seen.Li keI’m not
drowni ng.Ifor getf oramoment .
Shesmi leswhensheseesme, andIgetonmy
feetbrushingoffmypant
s.Sheiswear i
nga
fl
oraldressthatgoesbel
owherkneesandher
usualpumps.Shet ol
dmeoncet hatshewear
s
thosetowal ktoandfr
om thetaxistop,
shehas
heelsthat’
ssheputsinherbag.

“Sonke.
”Shesmil
es.Idon’
tknowwhyIj
ust
short
enedhername.

“
Mydadusedt
ocal
lmet
hat
.”

“
I’
m sor
ryIdi
dn’
t.
..
”

“No,i
t’
sokay.Il
ikeit
.”Sheiscarryi
nganextra
backpackt
histi
mebecauseshebr oughther
l
aptoptowork.So,Ioffertocarr
yitaswewalk.
Shedoesn’
thesitat
egivingitt
ome.Wear e
si
l
entf
orawhi
l
e.

“Youl
ooksad.What
’sonyourmi
nd?
”sheasks.
Idon’
tanswerf
orawhil
e.

“
Ihav
eal
oti
nmymi
nd.
”

“
Wer
en’
tyouwor
kingt
oday
?”

“
Wef
ini
shedt
hej
obt
oday
.”Shegl
ancesatme.

“
Oh.Ar
eyoumov
ingt
oanot
hersi
te?
”

“
Notreal
l
y.Imightst
artl
ooki
ngf
oranot
her
j
ob.
”Shefrowns.
“Eh.”Shecl
earshert
hroat.“
Hav
eyoudone
gardenwork?”sheasks.

“
Yeah,I
’
vehadapiecej
obort
wodoi
ngt
hat
.
Why?Doyouhav
ewor kf
orme?”

“I
t’
snothingmuch.Justmydadusedt odothe
gardenathomeandnowwear ebattl
ingtoget
someonet odoi tr
ight
.Maybeifyoudon’thave
anythi
ngelseyoucouldgivei
tatry.
”Thatcould
meanf oodont hetabl
e,soIf
indmy self
noddingvigor
ously.

“
Idon’
thav
ethet
ool
sthough.
”

“Noprobl
em, y
oucanusedad’ st
ool
s.Hehad
ever
ythi
ng.Helov
edgardening.Whydon’
tyou
walkmeallthewayhome,thatwayyoucansee
wher
eIst
ay.
”

“
Thanky
ou,
Sisonke.
”

“Don’ tthankmey et.Youst i

l
lhavet oimpr ess
mymot her.”Wef al
l i
ntoanyeasychataswe
wal kt hrought hequi etst reets.Thet allhouses
standbehi ndt hehi ghwal lswitheitherelectri
c
fencesorr azorwi res.Secur edhighgat esand
pav edorneat lyt r
immedf rontyards.Ther eis
moneybehi ndthesewal ls.It’
sadi fferentworld
wenev erexper ienced, andsomepeopl egetto
l
ivei tandt akeitf orgr ant ed.Thesecur i
tyone
mustf eel nestledbehi ndt hesewal l
s.Wewal k
throughagat edpar toft hesubur bandshe
greet st hesecur i
ty.Theyl ookatmef unnyand
requestt ohav emesear ched.Justasshei s
aboutt ooppose, Isil
enceherwi t
ht heshakeof
myhead.Theyar edoi ngt histopr otectherand
I’
m sureIlooksuspi ciouswal ki
ngwithher .
Oncet heyaresatisfi
ed, I’
m notcar ry
ingany
weaponst heyletust hrough.Wesuddenl ystop
i
nf rontofahighcr eam wal l wit
hanel ectr
ic
fence.Icanseet het oppar toft hedouble
storeyhouseinthesamecol ouranddar k
brownf ur
nishes.Thegr assedar eaont he
outsidecoulduseal i
ttl
et r
im butitdoesn’ttake
awayf rom t
hegr andeuroft hehouse.“ Thisi
s
me,”shesoundsner v ous.Doesshet hinkI’
ll
comer obherint heni ght?“It’
sf ai
rl
yeasyt o
fi
ndy oushouldn’tgetl ost.
”

“Well
,l
etmegobackbef or ei
tgetslat
e.”She
nodsandIgiv
ehert hebackpack.Itur
nand
hurr
yhome.It
’salongwal kshetakes.Ihaven’t
real
i
sedhowdeepi nsi
det hesuburbshelives.I
wonderwhyshedoesn’thav eacar,wit
ha
homel i
ket
hatI’
m suretheycanaffordone.
“Lul
i
!Didy oubri
ngmeany thing?Youpr omi
sed
tobuyussomet hingni
cefordi nner
.”Myworld
comescr ashi
ngbacktoreali
tyatZano’ s
exci
tedtone.Hemeet smei nfrontofthehouse.

“
Sor
rybi
gman.Idi
dn’
tgetpai
dtoday
.”

“
Agai
n?”Hecan’
thi
dehi
sdi
sappoi
ntment
.

“
I’
m sor
rybi
gman.
”

“
It
’sokay
.Nozi
cookedandi
tsmel
l
sgood.
”

“Didshe?
”Wewal kt
ogethertothehouse.
Prett
ysaidshe’dbehomel at
e.Ididn’
task
whereshewoul dgoaft
erwor k.Idon’
tfeel
I
havetherightt
othoseanswer s.Iwal
kupto
Nozi
andgi
veherasi
desqueeze.“
Heybi
gsi
s.”

“HiLuli
.”Shei sinabet t
ermood.Hermoods
fl
uctuatelatelybutatleasttherear
en’tanymen
l
urkingandshedoesherpar tinthehouse.
Zanohasn’ treport
edany thi
ngshady .Heismy
spy.IknowIneedt oexer ci
semor etrust
,but
onecan’ tbetoocar ef
ul.

“Whatyoumaki
ng?
”Iaskgoi
ngforthepot
,she
swatsmyhandbef
oreIcanr
eachtheli
d.

“
Tinnedf
ishandr
ice.
”

“Eww!
”comesfrom Zano.“
Ithoughti
twas
somet
hingdi
ff
erent
.”Hewhines.
“Thisoneisbet tert hantheonef r
om school I
promise.”Nozi say s.Igetmy selfagl assof
waterandsi tont hecouchwat chi
ngt hem
havingtheirbackandf ort
h.AsIwat chthem,I
can’thel
pbutnot icet hatZanohasbeen
wear i
ngthesamecl ot
hesf orweeksnow.At
l
eastNozi gotaf ewcl ot
hesf rom Pr ett
y.Thabo
gavemeaf ewitems.Thi sweekendIhadhoped
tobuyclothesf orus.I ’
m alsor emindednext
yearNozi beginshi ghschool .Awhol enew
wor l
dwithdi f
ferentneeds.Weneedt obei na
muchbet terplacet hanwear e.How?Ineedt o
l
earnanewski l
l,buthowwhenI ’m constantl
y
try
ingtomakeendsmeet .

“Oh,If
orgottogi v
ey ousomethi
ng,”Nozisays
rummagi ngthroughherschoolbag.I
tcan’tbe
schoolfees,t
heyar eexemptfr
om that.“
Here,
Ma’am Sithol
easkedmet ogi
vey outhi
sand
she’
dliketoseey ouonMonday .”Shehands
meanenv
elope.Iopeni
tandmymi
ndst
all
s.

“Itsay shereourRDPhousehasbeen
appr oved?”Ma’am Si
tholeoncetri
edt ogetus
i
nt of ost
ercareaft
ermymot herpassed.Idi
dn’
t
wantt obeseparat
edf r
om mysi bl
ings,soI
refused.Shei scl
osetoNozi andwashercl ass
teacherwhenshewasi ngrade4.

“Yes.Shet
oldmesheappl i
edt woyearsago,I
guesswefinall
yfoundsomething.
”Nozi say
s.
I’
vebeenont hatl
istf
or6yearsandnothing
evercamethrough.Therel
i
efroll
sthroughme
l
ikeasoothingbalm.

“
Doesthatmeanwecanhav eourownpl
ace
wi
thel
ectri
cit
y?”Zanoasks.
“Yesbi gman. ”Ianswerabsent l
y.Thi nkingt hat
nowwehav eanewsetofneeds, notasdi r
eas
before.Thel ettersay sweneedt ocol l
ectt he
keysov ertheweekend.IguessI ’
lldot hataf t
er
mygar deni ngjob.Supperi sli
velywi tht het hree
ofusexci tedaboutournewhome.Ev entually
thekidsgot osl eep.Ir emai nawakeont he
couchst aringint othedar kness.At hought
niggl
esatt hebackofmyhead.Wher ePr et
tyi s.
Whoshecoul dbewi th?Whati tisitt hatwe
have.Wenev erlabel ledit,butwe’veal way s
beent her ef oreachot her.Theideaofherwi t
h
someoneel seunset t l
esme.Ir eallyneedt oget
alif
e.Butt heni ghtl ifearoundher edoesn’ t
appeal tome.Idon’ tdr i
nkorsmokeandhal f
thetimeI ’
m exhaust ed.It’
salmostmi dnight
whent hedoorr attlesandt henshei ssl owly
pushingi topen.Myey eshav eadjust edt ot he
darkness, soIwat chherasshecar eful l
yclose
i
tbehi ndherandt i
pt oest owardst hebed.
“
Hey
,”Isaysof
tl
y,shej
umps,
star
tl
ed.

“
Shi
t.It
houghty
ouwer
esl
eepi
ng,
”she
whi
sper
s.

“I
’
m not.
”Itamazesmehowr el
axedIseem,
withmylegscr
ossedovert
hearmrestandmy
armsfol
dedbeneathmyhead.Myheartis
beati
ng180ami nut
e.

“
Wher
ear
eyoucomi
ngf
rom?
”Iask.

“Youarenotmyf at
herMkhu.”Shesaysasshe
beginst
oremov ehercl
othes.Thel
ightf
rom
themooninfi
l
trati
ngthr
ought hewi
ndowallows
met oseeher
.Iswingmyl egsofft
hecouch,
sit
ti
ngup.
“
Idi
dn’
tcl
aim Iwas.
”

“Theny oudon’taskmesuchquest i
ons.”I
exhaletryi
ngtocal m myhear t
.Iwat chher
putti
ngonherni ghtdressandthenshemov es
tothebedwi thoutanot herword.Isi
tlikethat
forawhi l
eunt i
lsleepclaim me.WhenIwakeup
thefoll
owingdayt hesunishighupi nthesky .I
grabmybat t
eredphoneandcheckt het i
me, it
’s
almost7pm.I t’
squietandwhenIl ookar ound,I
seePr ett
ysitt
ingont hemadebedgoi ng
throughherphone.

“
Wher
ear
etheki
ds?
”Iask.

“
Theywentt
ofet
chwat
er.
”
“
Iam maki
ngcof
feedoyouwantsome?
”Iask
movi
ngtowar
dsthest
ove.

“Ihadacupal ready.”Thewateri
nthekettl
eis
stil
lwarm butIstil
lneedtoboili
t.“
Mkhu.”Itur
n
tolookather.“I’
m sorryaboutmyatti
tudel
ast
night.
”Shemov estowardsme.Ishrug.

“Youwereri
ght.I
’
m noty
ourfat
her.
”Ibusy
my sel
fbyf
il
li
ngmycupwi t
hcoff
eeandsugar
.
Shegrabsmyhand.

“
Somet
imesIdon’
tknowwhatwehav
e.”

“Thatmakest
het
woofusPr
ett
y.Butabov
e
elseyouar
emyfr
iend.
”
“Can’twebemore?We’veneverlabel
l
edwhat
wehav eabov
eourfri
endship.
”Herhands
caressmyarms.Hertouchsearsmyski nand
i
nfil
trat
esmybones.I
’mt hi
rst
yforthetouch.

“Areyour eadyformore?”Iaskcuppingher
face.Shei sbeauti
ful
andIdon’tthi
nkItel
lher
enough.Shedeser vessomucht hanme, t
han
whatt hi
spl acecanoffer
.

“It
hinkIam.
”Il
eandownandpl
antasof
tki
ss
onherli
ps.

“I
fIcoul
d,I
’
dgi
vey
out
hewor
ld.
”Isayagai
nst
herl
ips.

“I
’
llholdyoutot
hatonceyoumakeitri
ch.
”She
smilesagai
nstme.Iki
sshert
hen.Tast
ingthe
coffeeonherl i
ps.Wi tht het ouchofhert ongue
againstmi ne,mybodyf iresupf rom theinside.I
pushheragai nstthezi ncwal lintensify
ingthe
kiss.Iswal l
owherl itt
lemoansasmyhand
touchherev ery
wher e.Thesoundsoft hekids
appr oachi nghasuspul l
ingapar tinstantl
y.Her
cheeksar ef l
ushed, andherey esgl azedov er.
I’
mt ry i
ngt ogetox y
geni nt omyl ungs.Isi ton
thecouchandpul lmyt -shi rtdownt ohidethe
ev i
denceofmyar ousal .Theki dswal kin
arguingaboutsomet hi
ngobl i
vioust othe
heatedai rintheroom.I tt akesaf ewmi nutes
befor eIcancomposemy sel f
.Aftermycupof
coffee, Itakeabat handpr eparet ogot o
Sisonke’ s.IletPrettyandt hekidsknowt hatwe
willgov i
ewt heRDPhousewhenIr eturn.Sheis
excitedabouti tevent houghwehav en’
t
discussedawayf orwar d.
I
t’
sal ongwalktoSisonke’
s.I
’
m drippi
ngsweat
bythetimeIbuzztheinter
com atherhouse.
“
Yes.”Anunf
ami
l
iarv
oicecomest
hrought
he
i
nter
com.

“Mynamei sMkhululi
,Iam her
etodot he
gardenma'am.”Noresponsebutthebrown
steelgat
esli
desopen.Aladywearingapink
unifor
m wit
hthesameapr onoveritcomes
fr
om behindtheback.

“Sawubona,
”shegr
eet
smewi
thnosmi
l
eon
herface.

“
Yeboma.
”

“Thetoolsareint
heshedoverther
e.Ifyou
needany t
hinggotot
hebackandcal l
me. ”She
doesn’twaitf
ormyresponseassheturns
aroundanddi sappear swhereshe’ dcomef r
om.
Ist andf oramomentont hepav edar eaoft he
gar den.I t’sahugey ar dthegreenestofl awns
andpav edwal kway sin-between.Iwal kar ound
j
ustt ogett hef eeloft heplace.Thebacky ardi
s
ev enbi ggerwi thaswi mmi ngpool gleaming
blueundert hesun.Iseeapat i
owi thabr aai
area.OnceI ’vewal kedar oundt hehouse, If eel
ov er whel med.I twilltakemor et hanadayt o
fi
ni sht hisandmai ntenancei saweekl yjob
especi allywi tht hepool .Theshedi snotl ocked,
andIf indal lsor tsoft ool
swi thal awnmower
andanext ensioncor d.Ist ar
twi thmowi ngt he
frontl awn.I tisn’tmuchwhatneedsmor e
wor ksi st hebedoff l
ower sandt helitt
letrees
thatneedat r
im.

Idon’
theart
hegateasi
topensbutI’
m st
art
led
byacarpull
i
ngupnextt
ome.I ’
vebeenmowi ng
forov
eranhourandmyshir
tiscli
ngi
ngtomy
bodydr enchedi nsweat
.I’
mr eli
evedt
osee
Sisonkecomi ngoutofthepassengerside.She
wal ksaroundthecarwithasmi leonherface,
soIswi tchoffthemower .Ican’
tseeclear
ly
throught heti
ntedwindowoft heBMW1ser ies
whot hedri
veris.

“Mkhul
uli
,youmadei
t.
”Shelooksdif
fer
entin
herl
eggi
ngsandover
sizedt
-shi
rtandsneaker
s.

“
Yes.Aboutanhourago.
”

“
Didy
ouf
indev
ery
thi
ngy
ouneed?
”Inod.

“
Yourdadhadev
ery
thi
ngi
nther
e.”

“
Wedi
dn’
tdi
scussy
ourf
ee.
”Thef
ewgar
dens
I
’
ddone,IhadchargedR150becauset
heywer
e
f
arsmal
l
ert hant
his.

“
Whatdoy
ourusual
gar
dener
schar
gey
ou?
”

“
Itwasagardenservi
ce.So,t
herewasa
monthl
yfeeofR2200.”Sheshrugs.

“
Idon’
tusual
l
ydot
his.
”Ishi
ftf
rom f
oott
ofoot
.

“HowaboutR500weekly
.Thatincl
udest
he
poolandt
henifweareallhappy
,wecantal
k
aboutamonthl
yfee.
”Inod.

“That
’sf
ine,
butIwon’tf
ini
shal
lthi
stodayIwi
l
l
havetor
eturnt
omorrow.”
“
Nopr
obl
em,
sety
ourpace.
”

“Areyoudonesoci al
isi
ngwi t
hthehel
pSisonke?
Ihaven’tgotallday.”Theguyinthecarsays.
Hiswindowsl ightl
yr ol
l
eddown.Iwat chhim
overSisonke'sshoulder,l
i
ghtskinwit
haf ade.
Notmuchol derthanme, typi
calr
ichboy.

“Don’
tber
ude.”Shedismisseshi
m.“ I
’
llask
auntyMar
iat
opr epar
elunchforyou.Anythi
ng
youneedi
nthemeant i
me? ”shedi
rectstome.

“
Wat
erpl
ease.
”

“Cool.I
’
llor
gani
se.”Shewalkstowar
dst he
houseandquicklookatthedude,If
indhim on
thephone.Iswi
tchthelawnmowerbackon.He
givesmeanannoy edlookbefor
erol
linguphis
wi
ndow.Il
etoutachuckl
eandr
esumemywor
k.

[Thanky ouf ortheli

kesandshar es.
Ningapheli’
mandl a.Conti
nuedoingso, i
thelpsa
greatdeal.Forallmypubl i
shedtitl
es:Unspoken
Truth,RavagedSoul sandSt r
um MyPai n,vi
sita
bookstoreneary ou.CAN, Bargai
nBooks,
ProteaBooksandExcl usi
veBooks.Unspoken
Truthcanal sobef oundonKi ndl
eAmazon.
Thanky oufort helove.
]i
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er3

“Thegar deni sdonewel l

;don’tyouthink
Mama? ”Shet ookhert i
mel ookingupf r
om her
plate,asi fshe’dj ustregi
steredthatIwasal so
ont het able.She' dbeenhav inganani mat ed
conv ersat ionwi t
hLucasaboutaf i
nancei ssue
att heirwor kplaceori npoli
tics,whoknew.I ’
d
zonedoutl ongago.Mymot herwor kedint he
samecompanyasLucas.Shehadaseni or
posi t
ionandLucaswasoneofhersubor dinat
es.
Someoneshedeemedsui tabletodat eher
daught er.Nott hatIwasn’tflatt
eredbyt he
attentionIr eceivedf r
om ahotguyl i
keLucas.
Hewashotandhenewi tandundernor mal
circumst anceshewoul dn’
tdat esomeonel ike
me.Iwasal way sabookwor m, mynoseal way s
bur
iedinbooks.Ididn’tpayatt
entiontoboy
s
andboyscert
ainlydidn’tseeme.Thatmeant
mydatinghi
storywasmi nimum tonil
.Sowhen
mom camehomet heonedayandsai dshemet
someoneatwor kwhoshet houghtwouldbe
sui
tabl
eformeIdi dn’targue.
LucasandIhi tofff
rom thebegi nni
ng.Wehad
si
mi l
arbackgr ounds.Attendedsi mil
arschool
s
andhungouti nthesamesoci alcir
cles.Hehad
ambi t
ion.Mademel aughandwaseasyt ohang
aroundwi thifyoudidn’tpayattenti
ont ohi
s
snobbishsi de,andimpatienceandki ndof
controll
ingpersonali
ty.Butitwasnot hingI
couldn’thandle.

Mydadhadl i
kedhi
m, sothathadbeenabonus
andhewaswi thmethroughmymostdi f
fi
cul
t
ti
mes.He’dseenmeatmyl owestandyethe
sti
ll
choseme.Hewor kedinmymot her
’s
depart
mentasajuni
orconsultant
.Hewas
det
erminedtocl
imbt hecorporal
ranks,
somethi
ngmymot herthoughtIlacked.Ihad
myambi t
ionst
heyjustdidn’
tincl
udehers.

“Idon’tunderst
andwhyy outhoughtget
ti
ng
somest rangerofft
hest r
eetwouldbesaferf
or
us.Somet imesIdon’tunder
standyourt
hinki
ng
Sisonke!”shesaid.

“
Hei
snotsomest
ranger
!”

“Heiswhat ?”Yourf ri
end?”sheburstout
l
aughi ng.“
Yournai vetédoesn’
tevensurpri
se
meany more.”Iletoutalongsigh.KnowingifI
pursuet hi
sli
neofconv er
sati
on,wewi l
lendup
fi
ghting.Ourfightsseemedt oescalat
esince
myf atherpassed.Heusedt obethebuffer
betweenus.
“Yourmom isri
ghtt houghSisonke.Whatdo
youknowaboutt hisguy?Ther ewasjust
arr
oganceabouthi m,andIdidn’tl
iketheway
helookedatyou.Youknowhecanr apeyou
anddisappeartothoserat-
infest
edshacksand
wewoul dneverfi
ndhi m.”

“Wow,yoursnobbi
shnessknowsnobounds.
”I
glar
edatLucas.

“I
t’
sthetruth.Peopleli
kehi m ar
ealways
l
ookingforabet terscore.Heisprobabl
y
scouti
ngthepl acesot hathecancomeandr
ob
usinthenight.”Mymot heradded.

“Hei
snott
hattypeofaper
son!”Ir
eachedf
or
anext
rapi
eceofchi
ckenbecausei
twas
chi
ckenandAunt
yMar
iamadeagoodchi
cken.

“Arey ousur eyoushoul dbehav i

nganother
pieceoft hat.Theli
fetimeoft hem i
sseemingly
buil
dingi nyourhips.”Myappet it
eturnedtoash
atmymot her’
sobser v
ation.Shecouldsay
what evershewant edbutmywei ghtseemedt o
slaphar derthanallt
hemeanwor dsshecould
wield.

“YouknowMr sZ,”Hisshort
enedversionofmy
surnamei rkedmeandI ’
m surei
tannoy edmy
mot hertoo.Butwhatfol
lowedfr
om hisl i
pshad
meboi li
ngont heinsi
de.“I
’
veaskedhermany
ti
mest oj oi
nmeatt hegym.Icouldfetchher
mor ni
ngsanddr opheroffatworkafterwards.
”

“
Sheisstubbor
nt hi
soneLucas.You’
l
lhav
e
y
ourhandsfull
.”
“Iloveherany
way,
”hepatt
edmyhandasif
placati
ngachil
d.“
Besi
des,Iknowhowt
odeal
withher.”

“Excuseme, ”Isai
dpushingmychai rbackas
gent l
easIcoul d,nottomakeanoi se.ThenI
coll
ect edmypl ateandcut l
eryandtookitt
othe
kit
chen.Icoul dhearmom andLucascont i
nue
theirconv er
sationasIwentupt omyr oom.
Oncei nt hesafetyofmyr oom.Iclosedthe
doorandwentt othebathroom andmade
my selfvomi t,
thenbrushedmyt eethanduseda
mout hwash.

Isatonmybedf oral
mostanhourf i
ghtingthe
urgetovi
sitthekit
chen.Iheardl
aught erfrom
downstai
rsper i
odi
call
y.Thenthev oi
cesgot
l
ouderandl ouderandIreal
isedtheywer e
comingupt hestai
rs.Ahardknockandapush
atmydoorhadLucasi
nther
oom bef
oreIcoul
d
evenspeak.

“Youcanber udeyouknowthat
.”Hesaid
thr
owinghimselfonmypinkfl
uffycouch.“How
doyouleavemeal onewit
hyourmom aty our
Sundaydinner?”

“
Youseem t
obedoi
ngf
inewi
thoutme.
”

“
Idon’tgetyousometi
mes.”Hesatupand
l
ookedatme.“ What
’syourbeefwi
thyour
mother.Sheist
hecoolestper
sonIknow.
”

“Becauseshei
sn’
tyourmot
her
!”Hel
ooked
down.
“That’salowblowSi sonke.
”Itamazedmehow
i
nsensi ti
vehecouldbeandy etwheni tcamet o
him hisegoeasil
ybruised.Hedi dn’
tli
kethe
topicofparentsbecausehewasadopt edand
didn’tgetal
ongwellwi t
hhisadopt i
veparents.
Heof t
ensaidhewishedmypar entswerehis.
Thathi swerecoldandunappr oachabl
e.

“
YouknowwhatImeant .
”Igotofthebedand
j
oinedhim ont
hecouch,
str
aggli
nghim.“My
mothercanbeapain.
”

“It
hinky ouj ustbei
ngunr easonable.Whatshe
said.
..”Isil
encedhi m withakisswhi chhet ook
chargeof .Ifelthi
m growt hickundermeasI
gyratedmyhi ps.Hiskissturnedmor ef er
vent
andhet ur
nedmeov erlayi
ngmeont hecouch.
“Iwanty ou.”Ididn’
thav eachancet orespond
ashisl i
psf oundmi neagain.Hel i
ftedmyhi ps
andqui cklytookof fmyl eggingswi t hmy
panties.Thenhewasf umbl i
ngwi t
hhi sj eans.I
didn’
thav eti
mef ormybr ai
nandbodyt ocat ch
upandhewassl idinginme.Thef ricti
onhad
mewi nci ngal i
ttl
e.Hi sfingersdugi ntomyhi ps
ashepi stonedi nandoutofme.Hemoaned
andgr unt ed,kissingmeev ery wher e.Imadet he
necessar ysounds, hopinghewoul df i
nish
beforemybr uisi
ngbecamewor se.Iseemedt o
getdr yert helongerhecont i
nued.Inev ergot
theappeal wit
hsex.Hi skissesdi dev okel i
ttl
e
sensat i
onsbutnot hi
ngt owr itehomeabout .
Thesexf ormewasmor epai nful t
hani twas
wor t
h, andIwentt hrought hemot i
onswi t
hhi m.
WhenIoncet oldhi m howIf elt,het oldmet hat
somegi r
lswer ejustf ri
gidanddi dn’tenjoyi tas
much.Thatt heiremot i
onswer esounat t
ached
thatfeel i
ngt hingswasast ruggl e.Hemadean
exampl eofmyemot ionalbankr uptcyby
ment ioningmyr el ati
onshipwi thmymot her.He
madesense.May beIwasn’ twi redt hatway .I’
m
ashamedt oadmi tthatIt ri
ed,wit
haf ewguy s
aft
erhi m, andi tyiel
dedt hesamer esult
s.I
hatedsex.Ihat edmybodyandf oundnoj oyin
anyoft het hingst hatt
heydi d.Tohidemy
shame.Ipr etendedt oenj oyit.Li
keIwasdoi ng
j
ustt hen.Ret urninghiski sseswithpassionand
holdinghimj ustt hewayIknewhel i
ked.I
enviedhi mf orasecondashegr untedhis
rel
ease.Hi sbodygoi ngt enseandt hen
col
lapsi ngabov eme.Icoul dfeelhi
sr api
d
heartbeatagai nstmychest .Mycoldunaf f
ected
chest .Hegav emeaqui ckki ssandgotof fme,
fi
xi
nghi sjeans.

“Thatwassweatmyl ove.Icanseeyouare
respondi
ngbett
er.
”Hesai d.Igotof
fandwent
throught
omybat hr
oom t ocleanmysel
f.When
Icameoutofthebathroom, hewasonhi sf
eet
readytogo.“
Ihavetogo.Ihav eanearl
y
mor ni
ng,
”hesai
d.
“
I’
ll
cal
lyou.
”Isai
d.

“Remembernextweekendi sourcouples
retr
eat.
”Inodded.HowcanIf orget?Theone
tri
pIwasn’tl
ookingfor
wardt o.Beingar
ound
hisfri
endsandthei
rskinnygirl
fr
iendsandthen
havingtobetheonlywhaleinacost ume.

Thef ol
lowingmor ni
ng,IsawMkhul uli
bef orehe
sawme.Hewasl eaningagai nstthewallwith
hishandinsidehiswor kpant s.Hehadaf aded
blacktshirton,t
hreadbar eIwassur pr
isedi t
heldtogetherandalsowor kbootson.That ’s
theonlyclothesI’
vesawhi mi n.Hesti
lldidn’
t
l
ifthisheaduntilIwascl osertohim.His
cloudedey escl
earedwhenhesawme, andhe
gavemeahi ntofasmi le.Hesmel l
edofsoap,
thatheprobablyusedt hatmor ni
ng.
“Youar
etheonewhoseemsdi
str
act
edt
oday
?”
Isai
d.

“Mymi ndwasi nmanypl acesatonce. ”He

pushedof fthewal landreachedoutf ormy
backpack.Bysomesi l
entagr eementhe’ d
decidedt owalkwi t
hmet hr
ought hestretchof
anempt yfi
eld.Iappreci
at edhi m doingt hat
becausei fIhadt obehonesti twast hescar iest
partofmywal k.Mymot herr efusedtodr opme
offsayingIneededt obef orcedt odriveagai n.I
wasi nthecaracci dentthatcl aimedmyf at
her
andIgotof fwi t
houtascr at
chwhi leIwat ched
him dieinmyar ms.Hehadn’ tbeenwear inga
seatbeltandhisheadwentt hrought he
windscreenoni mpact .Lhadn’ tbeenabl eoget
behindt hewheel si
ncet hen.

“
What
’sony
ourmi
nd?
”Iaskedaf
teraf
ew
minut
esofwal
kingi
nsi
l
ence.Ihear
dhi
sdeep
i
ntakeofbr
eat
h.

“Ij
ustl
eftmysibl
i
ngsatschool.Ihav
etogo
backbecausemysist
er’
steacherwantst
osee
me.”

“
Youhavetwosi
bli
ngs,It
houghty
ouonl
yhad
t
heonebrot
her
?”heglancedatme.

“
YesNozi
,
13andZanoi
sthebr
other
.Hei
s11.
”

“
Wow.HowcomeIdi
dn’
tknowt
his?
”

“Becausewedidn’
tspeakin-
dept
haboutthem.”
Iswattedhi
m onhisarm,andhefei
gnedhurt
.
“
Iknowt
hatsi
l
ly.If
eel
li
keIknowy
ouandt
o
notknowsomet hi
ngt hati
mpor tantt oyouisn’
t
cool.
”Isaid.Hewat chedmeunt ilIlookedaway.
Hehadi nt
enseeyes.Hecoul dn’thav ebeen
olderthanme, buthiseyeswer eol d.Heldso
muchdept handwisdom li
kehe’ dl i
veda
hundredy ear
s.Hewast al
ltoo,Ihadt oti
l
tmy
headtol ookupathim.Hi sskinadar kershade
thanmi nebutmay bebecausehewor kedinthe
sunal ot.Hekepthishaircutshor t.Hisbody
wassol idandnotfrom gym butf r
om har dwork.

“Il
i
vefort
hosetwo,youknow,
aft
ermymom
passedi
twasjustus.
”

“
Yout
hreear
ecl
oset
hen.
”

“Weareal
lwegot
.”Il
ookedathi
m, r
eall
y
l
ookedathi
m.so,hemusthavedr
oppedoutof
school
sohecoul
dlookaft
erhi
ssibl
ings.Just
whenyouthoughty
ourli
fewaskak,
youmet
someonewithwayworse.

“
Doy outhi
nksheisi
nt r
oubl
e?”hel
ookedat
mepuzzled.“
Yoursi
ster
.Youmenti
onedher
t
eacherwanti
ngtoseeyou.”

“Oh.Ihopenot.Nozi i
sagoodgi rl
.”Heshook
hisheadasmi l
et easi
nghisli
ps.“Wellunt
il
recent
ly.Sheseemst obeatast agewhereshe
i
sasser ti
ngherindependence.
"

“I
tistobeexpect
edatt
hatage.Howar
eyou
coping?
”

“Wel
l,
I’
m not
.Mygi
rl
fr
iend,ishelpingwithher.
”
Idi
dn’
tknowwhymyhear tf
eltheav yathear
ing
hi
m menti
oni
nghi
sgir
lfr
iend.May beit’
sthe
wayhiseyessof
tenedwhenhedi d.I
tmademe
wonderi
fLucaslookedl
ikethatwhenhespoke
aboutme.Didheevenspeakaboutme?

“
Oh.Doyoul
i
vewi
thy
ourgi
rl
fr
iend?
”He
f
rowned.

“Wel
l,
wekindofmov edinwi
thheraf
ewweeks
agoaft
erourshackbur
ntdown.
”

“Ohmygosh!I
’
m sor
ryt
hathappenedt
oyou.
Didev
ery
onecomeoutokay
?”

“For
tunatel
y,wewer
en’thomewhenit
happened.”Wehadreachedt
hetaxi
spot
.
“I
sthereanythi
ngIcando?Any t
hing,youmust
havelostal
lyourbel
ongingsi
nthef i
re.
”It
expl
ainedhi
sdai l
youtf
it
.
“Relax, Sonke.Youalreadyhelpedwheny ou
offeredmet hejob.Themoneywi l
lgoal ong
wayandI ’
m hopingtosecur eanotherjob
soon. ”JustasIwasaboutt ooffert
obuyt he
kidscl othes,hesignall
edforataxi t
ost op.“I
’l
l
seey ouaf t
erwork.”Hesai dopeningthet axi
doorf orme.Iwasal readyrunninglat
esoI
couldn’ taff
ordtomi ssthisone.Heoccupi ed
myt hought suntilIarri
vedatwor k.

“Themanagerwant stoseeyou.IfIdi
dn’tknow
you,I’
dt hinkyouwereintr
oubl
e.”Myf r
iend
Koketsosai dthemomentIwal kedint
ot he
offi
ce.“Goi nther
enow!I’
m dyingofcuriosi
ty.
”
Shepr actical
l
ypushedmet owardsmy
manager soff
ice.

“
Goodmor
ningt
oyout
ooKoket
so.
”Idr
opped
mystuffonmytabl
eandwentt
oseewhatmy
managerwant
ed.

“
Morni
ngSi
sonke.
”Hegr
eet
edt
hemomentI
wal
kedi
n.

“
MrNzi
ma.Koket
sosay
syouneedt
oseeme.
”
“Ohy es.Takeaseat .”Isatopposi t
ehim and
watchedhi m patientlyashet y
pedf uri
ousl
yon
hislaptop.“Sorryaboutt hat.”hesaidclosi
ngi t.
“Headof fi
cehasr equestedt hemanager sto
handpi ckaf ewsui tablecandidatestobe
trai
neemanager s.I’
v epickedy oufrom my
department.”Myey ewi dened.Ther ewereot her
peoplewhohadbeenwi t
ht hecompanyl onger
thanIhadbeen.“ Don’ tactsosur pr
ised.Youar e
theonlyonef r
anklyov erqualif
iedtobeher e.In
additi
on,youar eahar dwor ker,soitwasano
brai
ner .
”
“
Thanky
ou,
MrNz
ima,
fort
heoppor
tuni
ty.
”

“Don’
twast ei
tkiddo.Youhav etr
aini
nginCape
Townbegi nni
ngnextweekMonday .I
twill
take
twoweekst hentherestwi l
lbeonthejob
tr
aini
ng.”Inoddedov ercomewithint
ense
emotionmychesthur t
.

“
Thankyou,sir
.”Isai
dget t
ingonmyfeet
.He
wavedmeof fandIhadahugesmi l
easI
wal
kedoutofhisof f
ice.
“Iguessbythesmil
eonyourf
ace,
it’
sgood
news.”Koketsosai
dst
il
lwai
ti
ngbymydesk.

“
Thebest
.Ij
ustbeensel
ect
edasoneoft
he
t
rai
neemanager
s.”
“Oh.Wow.Ar
etheyj
usthand-
picki
ng
candi
dat
es?”
“I
’
m notsure.Hesai
dsomethingaboutmy
qual
i
ficat
ionsandhar
dwork.”

“Yourpr
ivat
eschooleducati
onisf
inal
l
ypay
ing
offchoma!’
Mysmi l
efalt
ered.

“
Whatdoest
hatmean?
”

“I
tmeanst hatsomeofuswear esti
llhustli
ng
togetourqualif
icati
onswhi l
eyourdoor sjust
openf ory
ouwi thouteventryi
ng.”If
eltbadf or
her.Shewasput ti
ngher sel
fthr
oughuni versi
ty.
I
tmustber eal
l
yhar dforher.

“Yourt
imewil
lcome.Plus,
whenIr
eacht
het
op,
Iwil
lnotl
eav
ey oubehi
nd.”
“
Congr
atul
ati
onschoma.
”Shesai
d.

Mydaywentl ikeawhi r
lwind.Ihadtofi
nishmy
pr
ojectsandfilerepor
tssot hatwhenIwas
awayev er
ythi
ngwoul dbei norder
.Iwasburi
ed
i
nmyl aptopunt i
lKoketsocamet oremindmeit
wastimet oknockof f
.

“Your
eall
yarepr
ovi
ngyourwort
h.”Shesai
das
shewatchedmepackmystuf
f.

“
YouknowI’
m al
way
sthor
ought
hough.
”She
r
oll
edherey
es.

“Howwasy ourweekendwi
ththedel
ici
ous
Lucas?”Isi
ghedaswewal kedtowar
dsthe
elev
ators.
“Wehadamov iedateonSaturdayandended
upathisplacewatchingsoccerwit
hhisrowdy
fr
iends.Thenyest
erdayhespenttheafter
noon
atmypl ace.Mom hadinvi
tedhimfordi
nner.
”
Koketsoshookherhead.

“Idon’tknowhowy oudeal wit

hLucas’ l
i
festyl
e.
Doesheev errelaxapartfrom suckingupwi t
h
yourmom? ”Ifrowned.Yeah, mosttimeswe
spentar oundhisf r
iendsandhespental otof
ti
mewi t
hhi sf
r i
ends, cl
ubbingorjustchil
li
ng
anddr i
nking.ButImeanwewer ebothyoung
freetodowhat everwewant edwithourown
ti
me.

“
Hei
sfr
eet
oenj
oyhi
sli
keK.
”

“Okay.What
ever
.Ifyoul
ikethatsor
tofthi
ng.
ButIcoul
dneverstandf
orthat.Zol
aknows.We
ar
eeachot
her
’sf
ri
ends,
andwel
i
kei
tthat
way.
”

“Goodf oryoumyf r
iend.”Icoul dn’tshutof fthe
voicet hatenviedt heireasyr elationship.
Koket somadebei nginlov esomuchdi fferent
thanwhatIwasex per i
encing.ImeanZol a
cookedf orher,cleanedt hehouse, didtheir
grocer i
es,andy etst il
lmanagedal ltheir
i
mpor tantdecision.They ’vebeent oget hersi nce
Koket sowassev enteenandZol awast went y-
three.Shecl ai
mshewai tedtohav esexwi thher
untilshewasni neteen.Koket sowasnow
twent y-sevenandsheseemedt ohav eset tled
downev enwithoutt heweddi ng.Ienv iedt heir
rel
ationshi pattimes.Theywer et heper f
ect
exampl e.Wef oundhermanal readywai ti
ngf or
herwhi l
eIwalkedacr osst ocat chat axihome.
{Pleaseconti
nuet olikeandshar e.Pre-or
ders
formynextbookSAYar enowopenunt il20
DEC2020.Li mitedbooksar eonof fer
.The
pricesonthef l
yerincludecour i
er.Bookswi l
lbe
dispatchedfr
om 20Jan2021.Thoseofy ou
whocan’ twaitthatlongf orUnspokenTr uth,
Rav agedSoulsandSt r
um MyPai ncopiesare
availabl
einal
l majorbookst ores.
]
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er4

“Mkhul
ulii
t’
sbeenawhi
l
e.”Mr
sSi
tholesaysas
sheinv
itesmetogoi
nsi
deanemptyclassr
oom.
“I
’
vebeenbusyma’ am.”Shegestur
esformeto
si
tinoneoft hechair
sintheclassr
oom.Il
ook
ri
dicul
ouswithmyl onglegsfol
ded.Shesi
ts
behindherdeskandl ooksatmebehindher
gl
asses.

“Nozihasbeentell
ingme.
”Ifi
ghtt
heur
geto
squi
rm.Hershar peyesst
udymeasifl
ooki
ng
fori
nvisi
bleanswers.

“
Thankyouaboutt
heRDPhouse.I
tcameatt
he
r
ightt
ime.
”
“Youwer esupposedt ogett
hatalongti
meago
butIguesscorruptionwit
hthesecounci
ll
orsis
sti
llwinni
ng.Alotofdeservi
ngpeopleare
alwayspushedtot hebottom whi
l
etheysellt
o
thehighestbi
dder.
”Inodbecauseshei sstat
ing
theobv i
ousandI’m anxi
oustohearwhyI’ve
beensummoned.

“
DidNozi
dosomet
hingwr
ong?
”Shef
rowns.

“Nozi!Why?No.Shei sagoodchil
dthatone.
Yourbrothertoo.Iworr
yabouthi
sappeti
te
though.Doeshegetenoughf oodathome?”I
swallowthelumpi nmyt hr
oat
.

“It
ryt
ogivethem atl
eastt
wodecentmeal
sa
dayma’am.”
“Iknowy oudoy ourbestMkhul uli
.That’
swhyI
call
edy ouher e.May beyoushoul dapplyf or
fostercar egrant .I
twoul dgivey oumor et han
thegrantandy ouar earesponsibleyoungman.
You’vebeent akinggoodcar eoft hem allthese
yearsandIcanev enmot i
vat
ey ourapplication.
”
Mywor rywi t
hf ost ercarewast hattheywoul d
fi
ndmeel i
gibletot akecareofthem andt hen
putthem i nsomeoneel se’scare.“Befor
ey ou
object,noonewi ll
t akethosekidsf r
om y ou.I
promisey ou.”Iletoutasi gh.

“
Eveni
fIwantedto,ourdocument
sgotbur
ned
i
nthef
ir
e.”Shenods.

“
Nozit
oldme.I
’m notsay
ingt
heprocesswil
lbe
f
ast
,butwecanputthewheel
sinmotions.
”

“
Okayma’
am.I
’
llgor
eappl
yforourdocument
s
tomor
row.
”Imental
lycountifIhav
eenough
casht
opayforal
lofthese.

“Onemorething.Writ
ey ourdetai
lsher
e.”She
giv
esmeapi eceofpaper .“YourIDnumbers.I
knowyourformerprinci
palwell.Hewil
lrepri
nt
yourl
astschoolreport
.”

“
WhatdoIneedar
epor
tfor
?”

“Youneedt ogetbacktoschool.”Il
etoutabark
oflaughterandqui
cklysoberupwhenIsee
howser i
ousMr sSit
holeis.“
Ma’am, nooff
ence
butwhenwoul dIfi
ndt i
met oatt
endschool and
i
ncasey ou’
vefor
gottentheychaseawaypupi l
s
myage. ”Iwrit
emydet ai
lsonthepieceofpaper.

“
I’
m nott
alki
ngaboutmai
nst
ream school
.They
haveafternoonclassest
hattheyof
fert
ohigh
schooldropouts.Whichgradedi
dyoudropout
fr
om? ”

“
Grade11.
”

“Youare21,they
’ll
takey oustrai
ghttograde12
andyoudon’tevenhav etoattendclasses.I
t
canbeself-
study.I
’m hereevenonweekendsI
canassist
.I’
m evenwi l
l
ingtopr ovi
deyouwi t
h
themateri
alyouneed.”

“
Idon’
tknowma’
am.
”

“Mkhul ul
iyouaresmart.Ibel
ieveyoucando
this.Howf ardoyouthinkyou’l
lgoworki
ng
from lowpay i
ngjobt
ol owpay i
ngjob?Youcan
dot hi
s!”Ithi
nkaboutthefibr
ejobwedi dand
thehugepossi
bil
i
tyt
hatt
heguywi
l
lscam us
andrunawaywit
hourmoney
.

“
I’
ll
thi
nkabouti
t.
”

“Regi
str
at ioni
sintwoweeks.I’l
lbeexpecting
yourdocument s.Bri
ngthem t
ome, I’l
lspeakto
thei
rcentremanagersot heycanwai ver
thei
rr
egistrati
onfee.
”Shespeaksasi fit
’sa
donedeal .Deepdownabi gpartofmey earns
tocompl etemyeducati
on.I’
dalway sdreamtof
becomingachefwhenIwasy ounger.Adream
thatl
ongf aded.

“Thanky ou,
ma’am.I’
llspeaktoy ousoon.”She
shakesmyhandandwat chesmel eav
eher
classroom.Asmallspecofhopei sbl
ossomi ng
andt hewalkhomeisqui ck.If
indThabosi t
ti
ng
outsidePret
ty’
spl
ace.
“
Hei
taTman.
”

“
MK,
ugr
and?
”

“Yes,
I’
mf r
om school
ntanga.Nozi
’
steacher
askedtoseeme.”

“
Isev
ery
thi
nggoodwi
tht
het
wo?
”

“
All
isgood.Howhavey
oubeen?Hav
en’
tseen
y
ouaroundlat
ely
.”

“Ihadt
ogotoSwazil
andov
ertheweekend.
Neededtosmuggl
emyproducti
n.”Ishakemy
head.

“
Youscar
emeThabo.
”
“IdowhatIhav etobra.Thi
swor l
disnotfor
sissi
es.Bythewaybr aZakeshasaj obforusi
n
aweek.Ar eyouin?”Iscrat
chmyhead.We
needtomov etoourplaceandtodot hatwe
needfurnit
ure.Thekidsneedsclot
hes.I’
ll
probablyneedcashtoapplyforourdocuments
atHomeAf f
airs.

“
Idon’thav
eagoodf eel
ingaboutitman.So,no
I
’l
lpass.Won’
tyoureconsi
der?”IaskbecauseI
worr
yabouthi
mt oo.

“
I’
vegotnothi
ngtolosebra.
”Wesitandchat
f
orawhile.“
So,ar
ey ouandPret
tydoi
ngtheVat
nSetnow?”

“Notexact
ly.I
’m hopi
ngtomov eoutsoon,butI
meanIcan’treal
lymov ethekidstoanempt y
place.Weli
ter
all
yhavet ostar
tfrom scr
atch.
”
“
IsPr
ett
ycomi
ngwi
thy
ou?
”

“
Whyt
heconcer
nabouther
?”

“Myconcerni
saboutyou.Pr
ett
yiswi
l
dandy ou
hav
eal otonyourpl
atet
obedeali
ngwit
hthat.
”

“We’
veact
uall
ydeci
dedt
ogost
eady
.So,
it’
s
ki
ndofser
ious.
”

“Youaretooy oungMkfort
hatcrap.Don’trush
thesethi
ngs.”Ishakemyheadwhatelseisout
theref
orme?Pr et
tyi
ssmartandbeauti
ful.She
hasbeenkindt omeandmyf amily
.Whatmor e
doIneedf r
om awoman?ButIdon’ tsayallthat
andweatl eastchanget
hesubject
.
Itf eelswei r
dtot akeadayoffhust l
ingbutI’
m
alreadyt oolatetogoj obhunti
ng.WhenThabo
l
eav es,Iwalkhim halfwaytohisplaceandtake
myt imer et
urninghome.Idon’tusual l
yfet
ch
theki dsf r
om school asI’
m notaroundmostof
thet ime.Butdur ingthedaytheyhav emore
kidst heyt r
avelwi t
handit’
sbusyf orpeopl
et o
tryany thi
ng.Att hesamet i
mey oucannev erbe
toocar eful.

Inoti
cef rom thedistancet hatthedoori sopen
asIappr oachPr ett
y'
spl ace.Iknowf orsur e
thatIlefti
tclosed.IpickupmypacebutasI
getcloserIhearPr etty
’sv oicecomingt hrough.
Herlaught err
ingsthroughandIcan’ thelpbut
smileatwhat everjoyshei sexper i
encing.Her
l
aught ermoment ar
il
ydistractsmef rom t he
reasonwhyshei shomeear ly
.Shejumpswhen
sheseesmecomei n.
“Mkhui shome.I’
llcal
lyouback.
”Shequi ckl
y
hangsup.“ Idi
dn’
texpectyoutobehere.”She
says.Onlywhenshet i
ghtensthet
owel shehas
wrappedar oundherbodydoInoticet
hatshe’s
i
sn’tdressed.

“Idi
dn’
tgetanywor
ktoday
.Whyar
eyou
home?”

“Ihadaheadache, andthemanagergavemea
halfday.”Imovetowardsherandfeelher
forehead.Idon’
tknowwhyr eal
lybuti
t’
sahabi
t.

“Itookaheadachetabl
et.Ifeel
betteralr
eady.
”
Herhandssl i
deundermyt -
shir
tandgl i
ding
alongmyst omachunti
ltheyarearoundmy
wai st
,pul
l
ingmecloser.“Nowthatwear ealone,
may bewecandosomet hi
ngaboutit.
”She
giv
esmeanaught ysmi l
eherclearwhiteeyes
sparkl
ewit
hmischief.Iunwrapthetoweland
l
etitpool
atherf
eet .

“Ilovethewayyourmi
ndwor
ks.Letme
closethedoor
.”

It
’sawhi lelaterwhenI’m awokenf r
om adeep
napbysoundofcl ankingdishes.Thespace
besidesmei sempt yandcool .It
urntowards
thekitchenar eaandseePr ettyinasimple
dress,butteri
ngasl i
ceofbr ead.Thewayher
bodyist i
nyandcompactshei salmostthe
samebodysi zeasNozi i
fnotsmal l
er.Sheis
buil
tli
kear unnertoo.
“Youneedt ogetupandgetdressedbefor
ethe
kidsarri
ve.Pl
us,I
’m maki
ngfood.”Shesays
withoutlooki
ngatme.
“Ineedakissf i
rst.
”It’
srarethatwegett hese
moment stogetherandIsel fi
shlydon’
twantt o
l
etthem end.Sheput severyt
hingonthet abl
e
andsaunterstome.onceshei sbythesideof
thebedshel eansdown, andherli
psgent l
y
brushagainstmi ne.Iwrapmyar m aroundher
waistandtughercl oser,pryi
ngherli
psopen.
Sheallowsmei n, andthekissbecomesheat ed.

“Wedon’ thavemucht ime.”shemumbl esasI

tugherpant i
esof f.Aglazeofmyf inger s
againsthernet herli
psfindsherwet .Ifumble
ont hesideoft hebedf oracondom.Wenev er
gowi t
houtevent houghshei sonapi ll
.She
helpsmecov erupandshei ssitti
ngonmei n
oneswi f
tmov e.It’
safastandf ranticrideaswe
chaseourcl i
max.Iai dheror gasm al ongby
playingwithhernub.I naf ewseconds, herbody
visi
blyshakesabov eme, andshegoesr i
gid,
shoutingmyname.I ’
m notfarbehindasI
succumbt omyownend.Justaswet rytoget
ourbreathingundercontrol,weheart hekids
voicesast heyapproach.Webot hspringapar
t
whilepulli
ngt hecondom off,t
yingitand
shov i
ngitinmypant sthenwear efumbl i
ngto
getourcl otheson.Thedooropensj ustasIpul
l
myshi rtovermyhead.Pr ettyhasalready
resumedwi ththesandwichesshewasmaki ng.

“Br
ead!I’
m sohungryIcoul
deatthewhole
l
oaf.
”Zanoexclaims.Ican’
tmeetNozi
’seyes
asshelooksbetweenmeandPr ett
y.

“Youtwoareactingweir
d.”Shesay s.Ikeep
busybystr
aighteni
ngthebed.Pr et
tyendsup
makingsandwichesforal
lofus.Iupdat ethem
aboutmyv i
sitwit
hMr sSit
holeasweeat .I
don’
tmentionhersuggesti
ont hatIshould
retur
nt oschool eventhoughI ’
m consideri
ngi
t.
Idon’twantt hem disappoint
edorseei ngmeas
afailureincasei tdoesn’tpanout .Aft
erward
l
unch, Ihelpthem wi t
hhomewor kthenwhenit
nearst imef orSisonke’sarri
val
.Imakeexcuses
andgowai tforher.I’
m excit
edasIwal k
towar dst hetaxistopandI ’
m notsurewhyI
can’twi pethesmi leoffmyf ace.Herface
breaksi ntoahugegr inwhensheseesme.
Minepr obablymi r
rorshers.

“Hey
,”shesaysi
nabreat
hywhi
sper
.
Goosefl
eshli
nemyski
n.

“Hey.”Icl
earmythroat.“
Giv
emet hat.
”Isay
reachingf
orherbag.“Howwasy ourday?”Her
eyessparkleasshelooksatme.Whatevershe
i
saboutt otel
lmehashergl owi
ngfrom wit
hin.
“Well
,todayatwor kmymanagert oldmet hatI
washandpi ckedtobeat rai
neemanager.”Ifeel
mychestexpandwi thhappi
ness.Thesamej oy
Ifel
twhenImysi bli
ngsexperi
encessome
successintheirl
i
v es.Ir
eali
sethenthatI
’
m
proudofher .

“
That
’sgoodr
ight
?”

“I
tis.Mymot herthoughtIwaswast i
ngmy
educationbystar
tingatthebottom l
ikethat
.
Especiall
ywit
hmyqual ifi
cati
ons.Shehadaj ob
waiti
ngf ormeevenbef oreIgr
aduated.ButI
knewIwoul dneversurviveworkingwit
hher.”
“
Isshet
hatbad?
”Sheshr
ugs.

“
Shehashermoment
s.”
“
May beshet houghtshewasset
ti
ngy
ouupf or
abetterfutur
e.It
hinkpar
ent
swantwhat
’sbest
f
ortheirkids.
”

“Maybe.Anyway,enoughaboutme.Howdi di
t
goatNozi’
sschool?”Ifeel
war mthather
concer
nedtone.Someoneel seisint
erest
edin
mywel l
bei
ngandt hatofmysibli
ngs.

“Shewantedmet oappl
yforf
ostercar
egrant
andalsosuggest
edthatIgobacktoschool
.”

“
Okay
,itmustbear
eli
efi
twasn’
tany
thi
ngbad.
”
“
Yeah.
”Wear
esi
l
entf
orawhi
l
e.

“
So,
arey
ougoi
ngbackt
oschool
?”
“
Iwantt
o.”

“But?
”it
’samazi
nghowwellsheknowsme.To
pickupmyhesit
ati
onwi
thoutevenvoi
cingi
t
out.

“Howwi l
lImanage?Thej obsIdot
akethei
rtol
l
onme. ”Wehaver eachthepoi
ntwher
ewe
usual
lysepar
ate,butIconti
nueonwar
ds.She
doesn’
tseem tomi nd.

“WhatcanIdot omaket hi
ngseasier
?”Ifeel
my
eyesst i
ng.Idon’tanswerf
orawhi l
e.ThenIfeel
hersof thandonmybar earm andmyski n
reactsasi fmyporeshavejustbeen
elect
rocuted.Shesuddenlypull
sawayherey es
glancingtomine.Sheclearsherthr
oat.“
Stat
ic.
”
“
Yes.
”

“Icanhel
pMkhulul
i
.Ifi
tst
utor
ing,
youneedwe
candoitandi
fit
s…”

“
Sisonke.No.
”Ihal
tourwal
k.Wear
enotf
ar
f
rom herhouse.

“Whatdoy oumeanno? ”Ifeelmypr i

deri
sing,
pumpingthroughmyv ei
nsl i
kealivi
ngthing.I
don’
twanthert oseemeasaf ail
ure.To
becomeherchar i
tycasewouldgutmeandI
can’
texplai
nwhyIf eelt
hatway .I
’dneverbe
onetoletpri
destandinthewayofourwel l
-
bei
ng.

“
Ihav
en’
tev
endeci
dedy
et.
”
“Ther easony ouhaven’tdecidedi
sbecausey ou
hav eallthesereasons.Wor k,t
heki
dsandt hey
areal lv
alid.I
’m off
eri
ngt ohelpMkhul
uli
.”Her
voiceisgent l
e.Touchingapar tofmedeep
within.

“
Thanky
ou.I
’
llkeepy
oui
nmi
nd.
”Sheey
ebal
l
s
me.

“ImeanitMkhulul
i
.”Il
etoutasighand
cont
inuewalki
ng.Shefal
lsastepnextt
ome
andgroans.“
God!Youarestubborn!
”

“
Icoul
dsayt
hesamef
ory
ou!
’

“
I’
m notst
ubborn,I
’m per
sist
ent
.”It
urnand
wal
kbackwardsfaci
ngher .
“
Samet
hingSonke.
”

“Justpr
omiset
othinkabouti
t.
”Itur
naround
andfacefor
wardIcanseeherhousefr
om here.

“
Ipr
omise.
”Icomet
oast
op.‘
Thi
siswher
eI
l
eav
eyou.”

“
Okay
.”Wel
ookateachot
herwi
thoutmov
ing.
“
Mybag.
”
“
Ohyeah.Her
e.”Igi
vei
ttoher
.“Seey
oui
nthe
mor
ning.
”
“By
e.”Shegi
vesmeasmal lwav
eandt ur
ns.I
watchherf
orafewsecondsandthenhead
home.
[Thankyouf
ortheshares.Youguysdon’
tpl
ay.
Conti
nuetol
i
keandshar e.200shar
esby
16h00tomor
rowguaranteesachapterby
19h00.Don’tf
orgetPr
e-or
dersforSAY(Il
li
cit
Love)arenowopen.Limit
edbooksonof fer
.My
otherbooksUnspokenTruth,RavagedSoul
s
andStrum MyPainareavai
lablei
nallmajor
bookstor
es.]
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er5

It
’saFr idayandI ’
m sit
t i
ngathomewi thnothing
todo.I t’
sbeenbadwi thnoj obsf ortheent i
re
week.I ’
m happyt hatIhav eSi sonke’sgi g
tomor rowot herwisewewer ei ntrouble.Mont h
endi sstil
l t
woweeksaway .Atl eastthet i
me
offhasal lowedmet osor toutour
document ati
on.It
’samat terofwai ti
ngnow.I
tol
dMr sSi t
holethatIwoul dt akeherupont he
offerofschool .EventhoughI ’
m notsur ehow
farIwillgo.Imeanwhathappensaf termat r
ic?
Idon’thav efundsf orterti
ar yeducat ion.ButI’ve
decidedt owor ryaboutt hecur rentsi
t uati
on.
West i
l
l needmoney .

IseeNozi
andZanocomi
ngf
rom adi
stance.As
theygetcl
oser
,InoticeNozi
'
sshi
rti
stornoff
andZanolooksli
kehet ookabat
hinsand.I
quickl
ygetonmyf eetandmeett
hem hal
fway.

“Whathappened?”Iask.ThenInoti
ceabruise
onherface.Anenti
readulthand.Nozi
isli
ght
andshebruiseseasi
lybutther
ewasani mpact.

“ThatmanNkosi waswai t
ingforusonourway
from school andgr abbedNozi.”Zanoisspit
ing
fi
re.“
It r
iedst oppinghim Luli
buthewasj ust
toostrong.”IliftNozi’
schinattakeapr oper
l
ook.Shebr eaksi ntotear
sandf al
lint
omy
chest.

“Hesaysheiscomi ngformeLuliandthatI
owehim.IfIdon’
tgivehim whathewantshe’l
l
burnourshackli
kehedi dt
helastone.
”Nozi
saysbetweenhertears.
“
I’
ll
kil
lhi
m bef
orehedoest
hat
.”

“
No!Lul
iIdon’
twantyout
ogotojail
.Whowil
l
l
ookaft
erus.
”Zanosaysf
earmakinghi
svoi
ce
t
rembl
e.

“Ican’tj
ustsitanddonot hi
ng.”Imumble.
“Comel et’
sgety oui
nside.”Weneedt omov e
from herebecausether
ei snot el
li
ngwhatthi
s
manwi l
ldonext.TheRDPi st
oof arf
rom her
e
andhewoul dn’
tevenknowwher ewemov edto.

“Weneedtomov et
oourpl
aceLul
i
.”Nozi
echoesmythought
s.

“Yeah.Weneedt o.I
’
llbeback.Lockthedoor.
”I
sayleavingthem wit
ht hel
ookoff earont
hei
r
eyes.Itdoesn’tt
akemel ongtofindThabo.
WhenIt el
lhim whatjusthappened,
het el
l
sme
thatt
hisguycouldcausepr oblemsforusifhe
i
sn’tt
akencar eof.Idon’
tevenaskwhathe
means.Ijustwanthim asabackupwhenIgo
confr
ontthedude.

“Whatwil
lconf
ront
inghi
m doexceptf
orpi
ssi
ng
hi
m off
?Lookwhathedidthelastt
ime.
”

“
Ican’
tjustsi
tbyandl
ethi
mter
ror
isemy
f
amily
.”

“Leavehimtome.Iknowway sofdeali
ngwi
th
peopleli
kehi
m.”Ifrownathim.“
TrustmeMK.I
willal
wayshaveyourback.
”

“
Idon’
twanty
out
ogethur
t.”
“Somet imesonehast odowhatt heyhav et
odo.
Thismanwi l
lstopatnothingtogett oy ouand
yourf amilyandhehast obestopped. ”Hesay s
l
ooki ngintothedi st
ance.“Iwil
lnotbest upi
d
abouti tMKt rustme.Onet hingwecanbot h
agreeony ouguy sneedt omov eoutoft her
e.
Thismanknowswher eyouliveandhecan
easil
ygett oy ouandIdon’ twantany thi
ngt o
happent oy ouorNozi .Itmightbet hebest
ti
met omov e.Usespongemat tressesify ou
havet obuty ou'vegottomov eout .
”Hi slast
wordsbr ingmet oacrushingrealit
y.Imi ght
havet odot hingsIdon’twanttodobutmy
sibl
ingssaf etycomesf i
rst.

“
Ineedcashf
astTman,doyouhav
ecasht
hat
y
oucanlendme?”Iaskhi
m.

“
I’
m notsur
eifi
t’
senought
ocov
erwhaty
ou
need.Ihav
eaboutagr andonme.”Itwon’tbe
enoughbutit
'sastar
t.Ihat
emyselfautumn
abouttodobutIhavetotry
.

“Theoff
erwi
thZakes,
whencanwemakei
t
happen?”

“AreyousureMK? ”InodbutI’
m notsur
e.He
l
etsoutal ongsigh.“
Ihaveagigtoni
ght
;they
arelookingforaspeci
fi
ccarsoI’
m hopi
ngi t
wil
lbei nandout.

“
Itcanbeaonceof
fthi
ng,
right
?”Henods.
“
ThenI’
min,l
et’
sdoit
.”

Ileavehim wi
thplansofmeet
ingupagain
tonightandIr
eturnhome.OnmywayhomeI
replaymyconversati
onwit
hhim,quest
ions
plaquingmymi nd.Am Idoi ngt her ightt hing?If
Idon’tdot hi
st henwhathappensonMonday
whenI ’m atwor k?Whathappenswhent heki ds
got otheshop?Whathappenswhenhef i
nds
them aloneint hehouse?I t'
sonl yamat terof
ti
mebef orehedoessomet hingt hati s
i
rreparabletomysi ster
.Hecanbur nusal ivei f
hewant sto,Imeanwedon’ tknowt hisman
from Adam andy ethehassethi sey eonmy
sisterandclearly,hewillnott akenof oran
answer .IfIt
akemat ter
sintomyownhands, I
mi ghtdosomet hingthatIwi l
l r
egr et.Imi ght
endupi njai
lsor atherl
etmej ustdot hisonce
goandt henmov eoutoft hi
sar ea.I’
mr estless
asIwai tupf orThabo.I tevensl ipsmymi ndt o
gowai tforSisonke.

“Youseem nervouswhat’
sgoi
ngon?”Prett
y
asksme.I’vebeenmov i
ngupanddownt he
smallspaceboringahol
eint
othefl
oor.t
hekids
havebeenpl
ayingupfrontandeverynowand
agai
nIlookouttocheckiftheyar
estil
lther
e.

“
Ineedt
omov
eusi
ntot
heRDP house,
Pret
ty.
”

“Iwasgoi ngtosuggestt hesamet hing.Idon’

t
thi
nki t
’ssafeforthekidsespeci all
ywhent hey
willbealoneafterschool.”Ani deahitsme.
May beIcanaskhert omov einwi t
hus.Then
may bewecanusehert hingsint hemeant i
me.I
takeal i
tt
lebreath.I
’m notr eal
lysureifmov i
ng
i
nt ogethersuchagoodt hing.Thabo' swarni
ng
sti
llri
ngsinmyhead.

“Wouldyoul
iketomoveinwithus?”Iask
anyway.Maybeoutofsenseofobl
igati
on.who
knowsanymore?Theli
neshavebeenbl ur
red
andmuddiedbetweenmeandPr ett
yandIdon’t
thi
nkit
’sagoodwaytohav earel
ati
onship.I
don’
tmi
sst
hel
ongsi
ghshet
akes.

“Iknowwe’ r
egivingt hisrel
ationshipachance.
Butifyouwantt or eall
ygiveitachancet henI
don’tthinkmov i
ngi ntogetherisagr eatideaat
thi
smoment .
”Ican’ tseem tohi demyr el
ief.
ThenIi mmedi atelyfeel badaf t
erwardsf or
feel
ingt hatway.“Howabouti fwet ryandget
somef urni
tureoni nstalmentf oryou?May be
youcanusesomeofmypl atesandt hingsI
don’tknow, youneedast ove,Aghy ouneeda
l
otoft hings.”

“Thereisajobt hatI
’m pl
anni
ngt odotoni
ght
.”
I’
ll
tellherbecauseIfeell
ikeI
’m goi
ngto
explodeifIdon’ttel
lsomeoneaboutthis.

“
Whatdoy
oumeanaj
ob?Wi
thwhom?
”
“
ThabosaysthatBr
aZakeswant
shi
mtodoa
j
obforhi
m.”

“
BraZakesisbadnewsMkhu.ButImeani
fit
’s
aonceofft
hing.
”sheshr
ugs.“
Howmuchare
t
heypayi
ngy ou?
”

“
He’
sget
ti
ng15gr
andandwe’
l
ldoa50%spl
i
t.”

“
Nooneget
shur
t?”

“
Iwouldn’
tdoi
tifi
twasacase.Weplantot
ake
apar
kedcarwi
thnooccupant
sinsi
de.”

“
Ift
hat’
swhatyouhavetodoMkhulul
ithendo
i
t.
”Justthenmyphoneri
ngs.Thabot
ell
sme
wher
etomeethim.Ichangeint
owarmerjeans
andmybat t
eredhoodie.It’
sfortunatethatt he
weat heri
scool ,
stil
lwarmersummerni ghts.
Twohour slaterwear eatanear estmal l.It
’s
busybecausei t'
saFr i
day.Itdoesn'ttakeus
l
ongt ogetwhatwewant .andittakesev enless
ofat imef orust obeablet obreakintot hecar
andgeti tstarted.Thaboseemst ohav edone
thisbefore.Hef loorst
hecart owardst he
freewayandi nt oaquieterstr
eetheadi ng
towar dsZakescarwor kshop.Ihearhi m silentl
y
swearaf terhav i
nglookedatt herear-
v i
ew
mi r
rorafewt i
mes.

“
Whati
sit
?”Iask.

“Thereisapoli
cevanfol
l
owingus.I
t’ssti
llata
distancebuti
t’
sbeenfol
l
owingusforawhi l
e.”
Hel ooksnerv
ousashecheckstherear
-view
mi r
roragai
n.“I
fIpi
ckupspeed,
theymi ghtgive
chaseandIdon’
twanty
out
ogetcaughti
nthi
s
car.
”Hesays.

“May
bet heyarenotfol
l
owi
ngus.
”Myst
omach
hast
urnedintoice.

“Ithi
nktheyare;t
hey’
vebeenf ol
lowi
ngmeat
everytur
n.”Ishoul
dhaveli
stenedtomygut
,
that’
sallIcanthi
nkofatt
hismoment .

“Thengoasf astasy oucan,wecanlosethem.

”
Hesuddenlyst opsbyat hi
ckbush.Thewayhe
parksmakesi timpossibl
eforsomeonetosee
mysi deoft
hedoor .
“
GetoutMKandrun.
”Ther
eisur
gencyi
nhis
v
oiceashepr
act
ical
l
ypushesmeoutoft
hecar
.

“
Whatabouty
ou?Wecanbot
hrunt
oget
her
.”
“Andt heywi l
lgivechaset obothofus.Ri ght
now, theydon’ tknowhowmanypeopl ear ein
thi
scar ,gett hef uckout !NowMkhul ul
i!
”I
fumbl ewi t
ht hedoorhandl eandmanaget o
pushi topenandt hemomentI ’
m out ,hei s
speedi ngaway .Irundeepi ntot
hebush.Ican’ t
helpmy sel fIlielowandwat chast hecopspi ck
upt heirspeedbl ari
ngt hesirensandgoi ngaf ter
him.Idon’ twai ttoseehowf artheywi llgoIr un
asfastasIcanpr ayingthathemaybeabl et o
getaway .It’salmostmi dnightwhenIgethome.
Prettyisst i
llwaitingupf ormeandt heki dsar e
fastasl eepobl iv
ioust omynearmi ss.Icanf eel
bli
stersundermyf eetandmyar msbur nf rom
thescr at chest hatIgotf rom runningbet ween
thet r
ees.Myhear tisbeat i
ngsof astIf eari t
maybur stoutofmychest .Ihaven’thear d
anythingf rom Thabo.Mymi ndisonlyr unninga
const antpr ayerthathemanagedt oget away .
Prettyknowst hereissomet hingwr ongt he
momentsheseesme, andIbr i
efheronwhat
happened.Whenwedi alThabo’ snumberi t
goest ov oi
cemai l
.Iknowaf ewcommon
fr
iendst hatIcanaskbuti t'st oolatet obe
call
ingpeopl eint hemi ddl eoft henight .so, we
bothsi tonthecouchi ncont empl at
ivesi lence,
tr
yingnott ot hinkoft hewor st .He’sgoi ngt obe
fi
ne.Heknewwhathewasdoi nghepr obabl y
gotawayandhehi sphonebat ter
ydi ed.That ’
s
whatIkeept elli
ngmy selfthr oughoutt heni ght
untilthesuncomesup.Ihav et ogetr eadyf or
myj obatSi sonke’ s.Fearhasmebyt het hroat ,
anysoundIhear ,Ipanict hinkingi t’
st hecops
comi ngaf t
erme.WhenIcal laf ewofour
mut ual f
ri
ends, ifyoucanev encal lthem t hat ,
noonehasseenThabosi ncel astnight .

Si
sonkeisnotaroundwhenIgettoherhouse.I
wonderwheresheisbutIdon’
tdareask.The
helperi smoodyasusual whenshegi vesme
thej ugofwat erI ’
dr equested.Iwor kfastand
efficient l
y.Itgoesbet t
erthanl astweek
becauseal lthehar dwor khasbeent akencar e
of.Thesuni sal mostset ti
ngwhenIf inish
ever ything.Myst omachi sgl uedt omyspi ne,
that ’
showhungr yIam.Thewat erI
’vebeen
drinkingt hr
oughoutt hedayi sbegi nningt ogive
mest omachcr amps.Nof oodhasbeengi ven
thist i
me.Igoar oundt hebackent r
anceand
knock.Iwai tforawhi l
ebef oresomeoneopens
thedoor .Thel adyt hatopensi smedi um hei ght
andpet i
te.Shel ooksl i
keshef requentst hegy m.
Herl ongcur lyhai rseemsmessyasi fshehas
j
ustwokenup.Hernost ri
lsf l
arewhenshesees
meont heot hersi deoft hedoor .Thesweep
l
ookf r om toet oheadshegi veshasmet akinga
stepbackwar ds.

“
Whati
sit
?”Iguessnogr
eet
ingt
hen.
“I
’m donewit
hthewor
kma’
am.
”Isay
.Shel
i
fts
hereyebrow.

“Whatdoest hathavetodowi thme?’Ilookat

herstupi
dly.Lostforwordsforamoment .“My
daughteristheonewhohi redyou.Youshould
bespeakingt ohernotme.”SinceIhaven’
tseen
Sisonketheentir
eday ,
I’
m assumingsheisn’t
home.

“Doy ouknowwhenshewi l
lbeback?Ir
eal
ly
needt hecashma’am. ”Herannoyancei
sclear
asherf acetwi
stl
ikeshehaseat enalemon.I
knowIpr obabl
ystink.It
’sbeenahotdayand
workinginthesunhadmesweat ingdownmy
buttcrack.
“Sheisawaywi t
hherboy fri
end.Cl ear
ly,
she
didn’
tbothermuchaboutt helikesofy ou.See
yoursel
fout.”Shecl osesthedoori nmyf ace.I
am stunnedf oramomentunt i
l Ihearthewhir
ofthegateopeni ng.Irunupf r
ontj usti
ncaseit
closesbefor
eI ’m abletogetout .Onmyway
homeIwonderwhatIdi dtopisst hewomanof f
.

Iwalkar oundtheareatryi
ngtogetanynews
aboutThabo’ swhereabouts.I’
mt ooscaredto
goar oundBraZakespl acejustincasethecops
arelookingformethere.Thepar anoiai
sr eal
.
It
’searlyeveningwhenI ’
vealr
eadygivenupand
makingmywayhomewhenIseeoneoft he
hommi es

“
Hei
taSkr
ij
.Hav
eyouseenTman.
”

“
MK.I
khawat
heki
l
elaout
ie.
”Myv
einsr
uncol
d.
“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”

“Hewasonaj oblastnight
.Aborhata
ambophi l
e.Ther ewasashoot ingaswellbuthe
surviv
ed.”Mykneesf eelweek.Thabobeing
arrest
edmi ghtleadt hecopstomet oo.“Are
yougoodman?Youdon’ tl
ooksogood.”Skr i
j
l
ooksatmef unny.“Konjeheisyourboy.Hade
ntwana.”Imumbl emyt hanksandturntoleave.
“Skyftenner.Ineedaci gar
ett
e.”

“I
'
vegotnothi
ngonme.Sorr
y.”I
t’
stoolat
efor
metogocheckhim byt
heholdi
ngcell
s.How
doIevengethi
m bai
lmoney?

(Pl
easecont
inuet
olikeandshare. Books
avai
labl
eatabookst
orenearyou.
Pr
e-or
der
sar
est
il
lopen.
)
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er6

Ishouldhaveknownthemomentt hatsnobbi
sh
scum camet omewithaj oboff
ersomethi
ng
wasn’tri
ght
.Butwheny ourstomachrul
esyour
headit’
sdif
fi
cultt
oreason.
“Whati
syourl
awyersayi
ng?
”Pr
ett
yasksher
eyescl
oudedwi
thworry
.
“Iam sti
l
lwaiti
ngforthestatelawy ert ocome. ”
Irespondbutmyey esscanmysur roundings.
I’
vebeensitt
ingbehindbarsoft hepol ice
stati
onforawhile.I
’mfortunatet obeal onefor
themoment .Whent hepolicehadbr oughtme
i
n, t
herewerethreescaryl
ookingdudes, and
onehadabl eedinggashonhi shead.Theyl eft
awhi l
eago.I’
vebeensitti
ngont hehar dbench
forhoursst
arri
ngatnothingbutt hef i
l
thywalls.
Myheadi sbusycol l
ectingpiecesofev idence.
EvidenceIwasnev erawar eofcol l
ecting.They
sayaney enev erfor getswhati thasseen.Iam
hopingt omay ber ecoll
ectsomet hi
ngImi ght
hav emi ssed.Acl uet ot hereasonIam t heone
arrestedwhenIwasonl yamer edriver.Adr iv
er
whodi dn’thaveagr eatsalarybutgr ateful f
or
theempl oyment .Ev enmybossmadeapoi ntof
remi ndingmehehadbeenr epay i
ngaf avourby
hiri
ngmewi thoutmat r
ic.Thepr omi seoff i
nal
ly
gettingonewaswhatkepthi m qui etand
placatedf orthemoment .
“Whenwi l
lthatbe?”IknowPr ett
y ’
squestions
comesf r
om agoodpl ace,butIdon’ thavet he
patienceandenener gytoanswer .I
’m sti
l
l
tr
yingt ofi
ndouthowmyusual dayont hej ob
asthedr iverofthecashintransitvanfora
securitycompanyendedupwi t
ht wowounded
securityguys,onedeadr obber,moneymi ssing
andmesi tti
ngbehindbars.WhenLucas, y es
him, hadappr oachedmesi xmonthsagowi t
h
anof ferforajob, atf i
rst,Ihadchuckledand
walkedawayt hinkinghewaspi ssingonmeas
heusual l
ydid.Theguywentt ogreatpainsto
ri
diculemeort urnhi snosedownatme.I t
wasn’ tuntilSonkecameoutoft hehouse
bubbl i
ngwi thexci tementt hatIhadf i
nall
ypaid
thedoucheat tent i
on.WhenIt hankedhim, he
tol
dmehewasn’ tdoingi tformebutf orSonke.
Ididn’tcarewhathi sintenti
onwer ebuthappy
fortheoppor t
uni t
y.
Ourliv
eshasbeenonani mpr ovingstreaksince
Thabogotarrested.Itturnedouthe’ dhada
stashofcashhiddenawayandhadbeen
planni
ngtouseittobuyhi mselfav an.Howev er,
whenhesawt heevidenceagai nsthim, he
decli
nedbailandinstructedmet ouset he
moneyt ogetsettl
edi nourRDPhouse.Hewas
theonlyonecaughtont hecamer aont hatday
andhemai nt
ainedunt ilhissentencingt hathe
wasalone.Anicyfeel
i
ngslicesthr
oughmy
abdomenatt het
houghtthathissacri
fi
cewas
i
nv ai
n.ItseemsIwasalway sdesti
nedforj
ail
.
“Mkhu!”
Isi
gh,t
ryingtorei
gninmyannoy
ance,
“Idon’
t
know.ProbablyMondayonmywaytomycourt
appear
ance.”
“Whatarethepoli
cesay i
ng?Whyar eyouthe
onearrest
ed?Didyouhav eany thi
ngtodowith
thi
s?”shefrowns.I
’m angrythatshecouldeven
thi
nkI’
m capableofsuchat hing.
“
No,Pret
ty!Butappar
entl
yther
eisev
idenceon
myphonethatconnectsmetothehi
jacker
s.”
“
How?
”
“Howshoul
dIknow?”Theyconf
iscat
edmy
phoneasevi
dence.
“Don’
tsnapatmeMkhul
uli
.I’
mt r
yingt
ofi
gur
e
outhowy oul
andedy
our
sel
finjai
l?”
“Landedmy sel
finjail
?”Ishakemyheadi n
disbel
ief
.“Howar ethekids?”IcalledherwhenI
wasal l
owedaphonecal l
.Ididn’tknowwho
elsetocall
.Wear estil
ldati
ng,ifyoucanev en
callwhatwehav ethat.Sherefusedt omov e
withuswhenmov ed.Andt omyut tershameI
hadbeenr el
iev
ed.
Shetakesadeepbreat
hbeforeansweri
ng,
“Theyareworri
ed.Weallar
e.What’
sgoingto
happentothem i
fyougetajai
lsent
ence?”I
l
ookdownonmyhandst hatar
eholdingt
he
steel
barssepar
ati
ngus.
“Idi
dn’
tdoanythi
ng.Thetrut
hwi l
lcomeout.”I
l
ookupt oherworr
iedeyes.“Ihat
et oaskbut
can.
..
”
“
Youdon’
thavet
oaskMkhu.I
’l
lst
aywi
th
t
hem.
”Ifeel
tear
sst
ingmyeyes.
“
Thanky
ou.
”
“
Ihav
etogo.I
’
llseey
ouonMondayi
ncour
t.
”I
canonlynodasal umpthesizeofat enni
sball
seemst obel odgedinmyt hr
oat.Iwatchher
disappeardownt hepassage.Iwil
lmymi ndto
shutdownbecauseIcan’ tdealwiththedark
thoughtsthattryandinf
il
tr
ate.
OnMonday ,
If i
ndmy sel fshuffl
edi nt
otheback
ofapol i
cevananddr iventot henearestcour
t.
AsIwai ti
nanempt yr oom I’dbeenpushedi n
sincewear r
ivedincour t,ashor tmanwear i
nga
blackr obecomest hroughcar ryi
ngablack
briefcasethat’
sbur sti
ngwi t
hf i
les.Hedoesn’
t
evengr eetashet akest heseatopposi t
eme.I
wat chhissweat yfoldedf oreheadashegoes
throught hebagunt ilhet akesoutonef il
e.Hi
s
eyesqui ckl
yscani tthenhef inall
ylooksup.
“MrMbongwaIam Adv ocat
eMokoenay our
stateall
ocatedlawyer.I
tsayshereyouwere
arrest
edf oranaccessorytoarobbery
.”
“
Ididn’
tdoit
.”Hei
snotl
ooki
ngatmebutatt
he
f
il
ebeforehi
m.
“Youwereemploy
edbyt hecompanysix
monthsago.Ther
earechainmessages,f
ound
onthephoneofoneofthedeadrobber
s,wher
e
youwerecommunicat
ingforthepastf
ew
weeks.
”
“What
?Howcant hatbepossi
ble?
”Myhear
t
hammersagai
nstmychest.
“Thepoli
ceneedy outoidenti
fythetwomen
thatfl
edthescenewi t
hmi l
li
onsofRands.”He
goesonasi fIhaven’
tsaidanythi
ng.“Areyou
abletodothat?Ifyoucooperate,y
ou’l
lgeta
reducedsentence.
”
“Idon’
tknowanythi
ng,”Icanheart he
desperat
ioni
nmyv oice.Hepi cksuphisf
il
es
andshovesthem i
nhisbr i
efcase.
“Doyouhavebail
?”Thewayhel ooksatmehe
doesn’
texpectaposit
iveanswer.Ishakemy
head.“
You’l
lappeari
n10mi nut
es.”Hepicks
uphisbagandleaves.Afewmi nuteslat
era
uni
for
medpol
i
cemancomest
ocol
l
ectme.
Ispendhal fthemor ningl i
steni ngt odi f
ferent
courtappear ances.Iwat chonebyoneunt i
lI’
m
thenextt obeaddr essed.Thej udgeasksaf ew
questionst owhi chIanswert hatIhav eno
knowl edgeofwhatI ’m accusedof .Thesessi on
concludesbef oreIcanev engr aspwhati s
goingon.Thebai li
sset ,andmyl awyer
prompt lyanswer shiscl i
entdoesn’ thav e.Iti
s
declaredt hent hatI’
l
l besentt opr i
sont oawai t
myt ri
al.Iam numb.Myear sr ingandIcan’ t
hearany thingaf ter
war ds.Ididn’ tevensee
Prettythroughoutt hepr oceedi ngs.Ihav ean
assignmentt hatIwassupposedt osubmi t,t
he
teachersai di twaspar tofmyy earmar k.Ihad
beendoi nggr eatwi thmyassi gnment s.Whyam
Ievent hinkingaboutschool atat imel i
ket hi
s?
Whatwi l
l happent oNozi andZanowhi leIsitin
j
ail?OhGodt akemenow.Ial lowt hetear sto
fi
nallyfall
.
TheFor
everLov
e
Chapt
er7

“That’
swhathappenswheny ougi vepeoplelike
him achance.”Imanagedt ocatchthet ai
lend
ofLucasandmymot her’
sconversati
on.My
mindhadbeenabsentt hepasttwoweeks.I
hadbeent ryi
ngunsuccessful
lytofindMkhul uli
.
Somet hi
ngdeepi nmygutt ol
dmesomet hi
ng
waswr ong.Hest i
ll
showedupev erymor ni
ng
beforehewentt owor k,
towalkmet othetaxi
stop.Andcamet wiceamont honweekendst o
dot hegarden.

StrangelyIlookedforwar
dt othemorni
ngsand
theSunday s.Ilovedhismind.Hisdr
eams.He’d
beenexci t
edaboutschool andhadtakenal
l t
he
sixsubjectsatonce.Ineverknewhowhe
copedwi thallhisworkbutcopehedid.If
elthis
absencet hepastt woweeks.If eltittomybone
andthebal loffearthathadset tledi nmygut
si
ncet hef i
rstdayofhi snoshow, grewevery
dayIdidn’tseehi m.Ev erysingl
et imemycal ls
wentt ovoicemail.Ihatedt hefactIdi dn’
tknow
wherehel ived.Notf orlackoftryingbuthe
al
way smadeexcusesasi fhewasashamedof
wherehel ived.Ididn’tcareaboutwher ehe
l
ived,I’
dbeeni nterestedinseeingt hatpar
tof
hi
m.Seei ngt hesibli
ngshespokef ondl
yof.I
should’v
ei nsi
sted.

“Iwar nedy ouaboutr ecommendi nghi mf ort

he
j
ob. ”Ilookedupf rom careful
lyputti
ngmycar bs
aside.Iwasmast er i
ngbeingcareful ofhow
muchIat ewhenmymot herwasar ound.The
l
essIat ethehappi ersheseemed.Asl ongas
shedi dn’tseethest ashofjunkbehi ndmy
coat sinmywar dr
obe.
“Well
Sisonkewasv er
yappreci
ati
veofthatand
youknowIl i
vetomakeyourdaughterhappy.
”
Thathadmel ooki
ngupjustinti
met ocatchmy
mother’
sfrown.

“Adiffi
cultfeatlat
ely.Shelivesi
nherownhead
thi
sone.Iof tenwonderhowshemanagedt o
snagt hemanager ’spost.Thereiszer o
account abi
li
tyandf ocus.”Thenewsofmy
promot ioncamej ustamont haf t
erIwentf or
thewor kshop.I’
dbeenexci tedabouti tand
couldn’twaittotellmymot her.Final
ly,Ihad
newst hatI’
dt houghtwoul dmakeherpr oud.
Sheonl ytoldmeshehadhadabet terpositi
on
formewher eshewor kedandcoul dn’
t
understandwhyIset tl
edonst art
ingatt he
bott
om.

“
I’
mri
ghther
emot
her
!”Isnapped.
“Areyou?”shedrawledt
aki
ngasipofherwine.
“You’
vebeenmopi ngthepastweeksand
haven’tevennot
icedwhenyourboyf
ri
endis
around.”

“Di
dyouhearaboutyourbestf r
iend?”Lucas
hadmedr oppi
ngtheresponseIhadf ormy
motherandtur
ningtohim.Ifeltli
keIwas
missi
ngahugechunkoft heirconversat
ion.

“
Who?
”

“Yourthugf r
iend!
”mymot herr
espondednot
tookindly
.Iassumedi twasMkhulul
ishewas
ref
erri
ngt o.I
twast heonlyr
easonsheall
owed
herfeatur
est oshowt hei
ragei
nfrontof
companyashert wist
edinanuglysnar
l.
“
Whathappenedt
ohi
m?”

“Theidi
ot,waspar tofacashheist
.Hegave
i
nformationtothehijacker
sandwasstupi
d
enoughtoleaveat rail
ofmessagesonhis
phone.”Lucassaid,andIdidn’
tmisst
hesmug
l
ookonhi sface.
“
Hewasar
rest
ed.
..
,
”

“What !”Ijumpedatmymot her’

sresponse.
Pull
ingt het abl
eclotht
hathadsomehowgot ten
stuckonmydr ess.Themov eswipedthe
cont entsont hetabl
etothefloor
.Glassesand
platesbr eakingandthebowlsofsaladstippi
ng
over.

“Whatthef
uckSisonke?”Lucasshoutedasa
bowlofpot
atosaladlandedonhislap.My
mot
her’
swinewassaf
ei nherhandsbutI
wat
chedherf
acecont
ortinangerasshe
wat
chedthemessunf
oldingbef
orehereyes.

“Howdoy ouknowt hi
s?Whyar ey ouonlytell
i
ng
menow? ”IaskedLucaswhowasbr isklywipi
ng
himselfoffwit
hanapki n.Thenapkinsmy
motherdol l
edoutfori
mpor tantguests.I
guessedsheconsideredLucasi mpor t
ant.

“Howisitanyofy ourbusiness!”mymot her

snapped.“Whathappensi nthatthugsli
feisn’
t
anyofyourconcer n.Youshoul dbegr at
efulwe
arenottheone’sher obbed.”Shest ood
thr
owinghernapki nonthet able.“Good
ri
ddancet obadrubbi sh!”shewal kedaway
pushi
ngt hesli
dingdoort hatledtotheout si
de
pati
owithmor ef orcethanwar r
anted.
“Yourmot heri srightbabe. ”Hewasn’ teven
l
ooki ngatmeashef il
l
edaf reshgl assofwi ne
formymot herIassumed, shewast heonl yone
drinking,i
gnor ingt hemessont hef loor.Hewas
alway sdot tingonherneedsl ikeapuppy
seeki ngforat tentionorappr ov al.Mymot her
l
appedi tuppr obabl ybecauseIdi dn’ tgiveher
thesameat tention.Howcoul dIwhenhal ft he
ti
meIal way swor ri
edaboutpl easi ngher .Itoed
av erytightl i
near oundherbecauseonemi ss
stept henIgotat onguel ashi ng.Isomet i
mes
wishedshewoul dbeatme.Phy sical painI
couldt ake, herwor dsst ayedl ongeri nmyhead.
Herv oi
cet hel oudest ,alway sdr owni ngmi ne
withherhat e.“Thesoonery ouf orgetabouthi m
thebet ter.Wecan’ taf fordbei ngassoci ated
witht heli
kesofhi m. ”Iwant edt osl aphi mi n
thef acebutIwasnotav iolentper son.

“
Whatdoy
oumean?
”Hest
oppedonhi
swayt
o
thepati
o.Thef acehegav ehadchi l
lsgoing
downmyback.I twasdi sgustmi xedwi t
hanger.
Heplacedt heglassont hetableandmov ed
towardsme.Thebr okenglassescr unched
underhisfeet.Imov edbackwar ds,suddenly
scar
edofhi m.Hest al
kedmeunt ilmybackwas
upagainstthewal l
.Ihadnowher eelsetogo.

“Doy outhinkIdidn’
tseethewayyoulookedat
him?Howy oul
aughedathislamejokesi
n
way syounev erdidforme.Orhowy ouworked
withhimi nthegardenforhourswi
thnocar ei
n
thewor l
d.”Hisbreathwashotagai
nstmyf ace
ashespewedhi sresentment.

“Therewasnothi
ngbetweenusbutfri
endshi
p.”
Istammer edl
ooki
ngoverhisshoul
derformy
mot her
.Icoul
dseehersil
houett
easshe
l
oungedbyt hepoolobl
i
vioustowhatwas
happeni
nginsi
deherownhouse.Notthatshe
wouldbeanyhelp.Shewoul
dhaveprobably
si
dedwithhim.Ifel
thi
shandsgrabmyupper
armsandmyey eswentbacktohim.

“Youmustt hi
nkI ’m stupidneh.”Ishookmy
headbecausehi sfi
nger swerediggingintomy
skin.“Didhet akey out othesquattercamps?
Didy ouenjoybei ngpoundedi nsomef il
thy
shack?Wasi ty ourfantasy?TellmeSi sonke,
thecleansheet sandcomf ort
ablebedi nmy
housear en’tenough? ”Hemusthav eseen
confusionasmyey essear chedhis.Hel etgo,
hardt heimpacthadt hebackofmyheadhi tti
ng
thewal l
.“Isawy ou?”hiscolddeclarati
onhad
mecomi ngoutoft hedi zzyspell
fasterthanany
coldwat ercould.

“
Whatar
eyou.
..
?’
Hesneer ed,“Hisf ilthyhandsony ouasy ou
clungonhi slipslikeasl utinheat !”Myknees
buckl ed.Inev erthoughtany onehadwi t nessed
mymomentofweakness.ThemomentIhad
comeoutoft hehouseaf terat onguel ashi ng
from mymot her.I’dbeenbl indedwi t
ht earsasI
rant owar dst hebackcr ashingi ntoahar dsol i
d
wal l
.Iwasn’ tunt i
l gent l
ehandshaswr apped
aroundmeI ’
dr ealisedt hatt hewal lwas
Mkhul uli’
schest .Ashest eadiedme, mybody
hadbegunt oshakeuncont rol
lableunt il his
armshadt entati
vel ywr appedar oundmeand
feltli
keawar m bl anket .Thawi ngmef rom t he
i
nsi de.Nohumant ouchhadev erf eltthatgood.
Ihadt entat i
velyli
ft edmyheadandwat chedhi s
stormyey esswi rl
ing.Heat ,conf usionanddoI
dar esay ,
need.Aneedf orme.I nt hatmomentI
didn’tst opt hink.Iwentonmyt ippyt oesand
placedmyl i
psonhi s.Iheardhi sshar pi nhaleof
breat ht hesamet i
mehi sbodywentt ense.I
clungt ohim, prev ent i
nghi mf rom escapi ng.
“Sonke,
”hehadwhi speredhi svoicehoarse.
Themostsweet estkissIhadev erexper
ienced
probablylastedasecondbuti tl
eftmybody
shakingwi t
hadi f
ferenttypeofneedandi tsti
ll
hauntedmydr eamsev erynight.Wehadpul l
ed
apartbothofusawkwar dlylaughingand
promptlydecl areditami stakethatshould
neverbeenr epeat ed.Wenev erspokeabouti t
butInev erforgot.WhatIdi dn’tknowwast hat
wehadaudi ence.

“I
t’
scomingbackisn’
t?”Thesneerhadme
comingt
othepresent.
Iswall
owedpastmyparchedthr
oat
.“I
twasa
stupi
dmist
akeLucas.I
tdidn’
tmeananyt
hing.I
wasupset.
”
“Youar
eri
ght
.Youwerest
upi
d.”Het
urned
awaypi
cki
ngupthegl
assofwi
neonthetabl
e
asifhehadn’ tbeenspi tti
ngfi
reaf ewseconds
ago.“Youar elucky,Il
ov eyou,otherwiseI
would’v
edumpedy ourfatass.”Iwat chedhi m
gooutt hesli
dingdoor ,passi
ngt hegl assof
winetomymot herandlaughingatsomet hi
ng
shesaid.Istoodagai nstthatwallunt i
lIfelt
crampsatt hebackofmyt hi
ghs.

Ileftthemessont hefloorandwentt ogetmy

purse.Ididn’thav eti
met onurseLucas’s
feeli
ngsf orsomet hingasf l
eeti
ngasthatki ss
andi thadhappenedmont hsago.Therewill be
at i
mel aterforthat.Knowi nghim,hewi l
lusei t
againstmeev erychancehegot .AsIwentpast
theent r
ancet able,Ieyedt hecarkeysont opof
i
t.Myhandbegant otrembl easIreachedf or
them.May beitwasn’ tt hedaytogetbehindt he
wheel .WhenIt oldMkhuaboutmyt raumaand
fearofget t
ingbackbehi ndt hewheel
,hehad
gent l
eencour agedmet oseesomeone.
“Ami ndi sapower ful thingSonke.I tcant urna
mol ehi lli
ntoamount ain.Youneedt oov ercome
thef ear ,that’swher ey ourf r
eedom l i
es.”I
thoughti twast hemostpr ofoundt hingI ’veever
hear d, comi ngf rom asi mpl emanwi thaf adedt
-shi
rt ,thathadsmat teringsofhol es.Thetshi rt
thatwascl ingingtohi st or sodr enchedi nsweat .
Imadet heappoi ntmentt oseeat her apistthe
foll
owi ngMondayandIhadbeenat tendi ng
onceaweek.Idi dn’tt ell mymot hernorLucas
abouti t.Thatwoul dmeanI ’
df i
nal l
ysuccumbed
tomyweakness.Iwasbegi nningt ot hi
nkmy
mot herwasemot i
onal lybankr upt.Shecr inged
atany oneshowi ngt hei remot i
ons.Thewoman
gavemeal ookwhenev ert earst hreatenedt o
fall
atmyf ather’sfuner al.Ionl yev ercriedi n
priv
at eandwecoul dn’ tspeakabouthi mi nthe
house.Sher emov edal l picturesofhi m except
theonei nmyr oom becauseIputmyf ootdown.
I
tfel
tli
keshewast
ryi
ngt
oer
asehi
mfr
om our
l
i
ves.

Ididn’ ttel
lany onewher eIwasgoi ngasI
climbedatt hebackofanUbert hatpulledupi n
frontofmyhouse.Ii nst ructedthedr i
vert ot ake
met ot henear estst at ion.Thepol icehadno
recollect i
onofahei stnorar restli
nkedt oita
fewweeksago.Theyt oldmei tcouldhav ebeen
any wher ear oundJohannesbur g.I
tdidn’thel p
mat t
er swhenIdi dn’ tev enhav eMkhul uli’
sl ast
name.Somet hingt hatbr oughtshamet omy
core.Ispentmor et imewi thhimt hepast
mont hsy etIdi dn’tev enhav ehislastname.
whatki ndoff r
ienddi dt hatmakeme, better
quest ion,whatki ndofhuman?Thedr iverwas
gett i
ngi rr
itatedev ent houghIwaspay inghi ma
fortune.Wemov edf rom pol icestati
ont ot he
nextwi thoutanyl uck.Ev entuall
yIadmi tted
def eatandwenthome.Thehousewasqui et
whenIwalkedin,mymot herprobablyinbed
andLucasgonehome.ThemessIl eftonthe
fl
oorhadbeencleaned.ThatmeantAunt ycame
backfr
om herweekendof fbecausetherewas
nowayeithermymot herorLucaswoul dclean
up.

Ilayawakeal l
-nightgooglingalltherecent
heists,butnot hingcameupwi t
hMkhul uli
’
s
name.t hef oll
owi ngdayIt ookadayof fand
wentt ot wopr i
mar yschool sthatwer earound
ourar ea.Thest afflookedatmef unnyand
threatenedt ocall t
hepoliceifIdidn’tleave.
Appar ent l
y,itwasunhear dofanauntwhodi dn’
t
knowt heirnephewandni ece’
sl astname.Iwas
feeli
ngdef eatedbyt heti
meIgothomel atei
n
theaf ternoon.

Asweekswentbywi
thouthear
ingf
rom
Mkhul ul
imyhear tgrewheav ier
.Becausetheni t
meantt hathewasact uall
ybehi ndbars.Iwent
toafewpr i
sons,butnothi
nghappenedwi thout
asurname.I nsteadpeoplelookedatmeasi fI
wascr azy.Lucaswouldgetannoy edeveryti
me
Iaskedifhecoul daskhisfriendforMkhul ul
i’
s
nextofkin.Hewentasf arasi mplyi
ngIwas
missingmyl over.

Iwor ri
edabouthi m, hi
ssi bli
ngs.I findeedhe
wasi njail,whower et heyst ayingwi t
h?How
weret heysur v
iving?Mywor ryf orthem one
daypushedmet ogov i
sitthesquat tercamps.I
askedar oundunt i
lIwasbl ueint hef ace.Ei
ther
peopledidn’ tspeakt omeort heyswor eatme
andt hemanhi tonmeconst antly.Iwascalled
sdudla,yel l
owboneandmyt ypemor eti
mesI
cancount .I
twasn’ tuntilIwasatdeadend, I
real
isedt hatIwascor nered.Twoguy swere
cir
cli
ngme, theirintenti
oncl ear .
“Tsekwenasf ebegi veusy ourbag. ”Istood
frozen, ment allycur singmyobl i
viousness!I
hadn’ tbeenpay ingat tent i
ont owher eIwasand
mysur roundi ngsunt ilitwast ool ate.
Somet hingMkhul ulialway swar nedmeabout .
Theoneguygr abbedmybagandr ummaged
throughi ttaki ngmyphoneandwal l
et.Het hrew
i
tbackatmeandt heydi sappear edasi fthey
wer enev ert her e.Idintwai taroundt obea
victim ofsomet hingwor sethatmuggi ng.I
hightailedhomeasi fthehoundsofhel lwere
chasi ngme.Idi dn’ttell auntany thingwhenshe
wat chedmewi thast rangel ooknherf aceasI
wal kedpasthert omyr oom.Ist oodundert he
showerr insingof fthest enchoff earthathad
clungt omyev erypor e.Thatwast hel astti
meI
ev ervent uredt oVusani squat ters.

Timeli
kei
talwaysdi
dwentpassandMkhululi
becameafadingmemor
yinmind.However
, i
n
thedeadofni ghtIwoulddream ofhim.Hisshy
smile,kindbuthauntedeyesandhi seasy
chuckl ewheneverIsai
dsomet hingfunny
.I
dreamtofNozi andZanoevent houghInever
mett hem andont hoseni
ghtsIwoul dwakeup
withascr eam stucki
nmyt hroatandtearsin
myey es.

Weekst urnedi ntomont hsandmont hsbecame

ay ear .Inev erstoppedl ookingf orhim atever
y
oppor tunityIgot.Incr owdedspaces, Il
ooked
forhi m.Atamal l Ilookedf orhi m evenwhenI
ent eredar estaurant ,
Ilookedf orhim.Itwasa
habi tthatIdev el
opedov erti
me.Thenoneday
l
ikeaf l
ashofl i
ghtning,whi leIwashav i
ng
dinnerwi thLucas.Ashewentonabouthi sside
busi nessdeal thatwasal mostt hrough.He
alreadyr esignedf rom hisj obaf t
ermont hsof
wor kingont hedeal .Hisexci t
ementhadhi m
order ingasecondbot tl
eofwi ne.I’dbeen
nur
singt
heonegl
assf
rom t
hef
ir
stbot
tl
e.
“Babe,withthebusi nessdeal outoft heway .
Weshoul dgetmar r
ied.”Inear l
yswal l
owedmy
tongue.Hewasonhi skneesbef oreIcoul d
bli
nk.“Mar ymeSi sonke, t
henI ’
llmakeal ly
our
dreamscomet r
ue.”Ther estaurantf elli
nto
hushsilence.Icouldf eeleveryone’sey esonme
astheywai tedwithbat edbr eath.Myhead
noddedbef oremyl ipscouldcat chup.He
punchedt heairast heplaceer uptedwi t
h
cheers.Thenhewasi nsert
ingt heringonmy
fi
ngerandIwasenv elopedinhugsof
congratul
at i
ons.
Hespokenonstopont hewayhomeandIdidn’
t
hearhalft
hethi
ngshesaid.Whyhadn’
tI
thoughtofMkhul
uli
’sschool
befor
e?Iwoul
dat
l
eastfoundouthissurname.

“
Babes,
let
’snott
ell
yourmom y
etaboutt
he
engagement .Iwantt odot hingsri
ghtandIfeel
Ineedt oaskherf orper missi
onforyourhandin
mar ri
age.
”Iabsent lynodded.Ididn’
tthi
nkblack
peopledidthatsor tofthing.Theywentand
announcedt hei
rintent i
ontopaylobolanot
askingforpermission.Iwashappyt okeepit
quietbecauseIdidn’ tknowhowshe’ dreactto
meget ti
ngmar ri
ed.

Pleaseshar
e,l
ikeandcomment
.Ithel
psme
reachawideraudi
ence

(
Booksav
ail
abl
eatCNAwhi
chhasgr
eatdeal
s
TheFor
everLov
e
Chapt
er8
Afterspeaki ngtoMkhul uli
’sschool itwaseasy
togethi sl astname.Iber atedmy selffornot
thi
nkingofi tsooner.Thei nsidi ousv oi
ceinmy
headr emi ndedmeofhowst upi dIwas.Ir eall
y
couldn’tar guewithitthatt i
me.OnceIhadhi s
l
astnamei twaseasyt of i
ndwher ehewas
i
ncar cerated.Histri
al wasnev erlongandt he
sentenci nghadbeenqui ck.Iwasv i
sit
inghi m
thefollowi ngday.Ihadn’ ttoldLucasorev en
mymot heraboutthei mpendi ngv isit
.Iwasst i
l
l
try
ingt ohi detomymot herIwasengaged.I
sharedmynewswi thKoket sobecauseI
couldn’tkeept hem in.I’
dbeenhopi ngshe’dt alk
somesensei ntome.Tel lmemar ri
agewasa
badidea.Butshe’ dbeenexci tedaboutt he
news.Tel li
ngmei twasaboutt imeLucasmade
anhonestwomanoutofme.Iwassur pr
isedby
herreact ionbecauseshenev erhadgoodt hi
ngs
tosayaboutmyr elati
onshi p.
Lucaswast hedot t i
ngboy fr
iendl at
ely.Afterthe
engagement ,Ireceivedabunchofr osesint he
offi
cet hatIdidn’thav eenoughspacet okeepI
endedupdonat i
ngt oanol dagehome.The
fl
ower swer ef ol
lowedbyadi amondneckl ace
thatIwasev enaf raidtokeepi nt hehouse.
Appar entl
y,hisbusi nessdeal camet hroughand
hewasal readylooki ngforofficestor unitfrom.
Ididn’ttal
kt ohim muchabouti t.Itendedt o
tunehi m outsomet i
meswhenhespokeabout
hisplansf orhist r
uckingbusi ness.Because
somet imest hat’sallhetalkedabout .

“Lucast
ell
smeheaskedy outomar ryhim?”
Thathadmel i
fti
ngmyheadf r
om thefrui
tbowl
Iwashavingforbreakfast.Didn’thesayhe
wantedtowaittotellher?Whydi dn’
thegive
meaheadsup?Icl earedmyt hroatandtri
edto
gaugeherreact
ion.Sheact ual
lyhadawar m
smil
eonherf
ace.Ishi
ft
eduncomf
ort
abl
einmy
seat
.

“
Yeahhedi
d.”Hersmi
l
egotwi
derandIbl
i
nked.

“Thatisgr eatnews!Don’ tmessi tupSi sonke.

Lucasi sagr eatmanandhecoul d’veany
womanhewant edbuthechosey ou.”I
swal l
owed; myr el
iefpalpable.Ididsomet hing
foroncet hatshewashappyabout .I
twas
dif
ficultpleasi ngherandI ’
dbeent r
yingsi nceI
wasachi l
d.“ Hesay she’l
lbebr i
nginghi s
unclesi naf ewweeks.Wi t
ht heratethingsar e
going, weneedt opl anfortheweddi ng.It’s
goingt obet heenv yofthistown.”Herey es
gli
stenedwi t hexcitementaswar mt hsettledin
mygut .Ifshewashappyt henIwasdoi ngt he
ri
ghtt hing.WhenAunt yMar i
acamei n,my
mot herl etheri nont henewsandt heyspoke
ani
mat
edl
yaboutmyi
mpendi
ngnupt
ial
s.

Ihadat herapysessionbeforegoi ngt owork

thatmor ning.Ihadchosenadoct ort hatwasn’t
toof arfrom mywor kandsheal way sgaveme
mor ningappointment s.ThatmeantIcoul dst i
ll
makei ttoworkev enifitwereanhourl at
er.I’
m
notsur eifthesessionswer ewor kingornot .I
wasst i
llfr
eakedoutaboutdr iv
ing.

“Tellmeaboutt hedayoft heaccident .”My

therapistasked.Shewasanol derladymay be
closetoherf ift
ies.Shewassl im withlong
dreadlocksthatshehast iedinapony tai
l.No
hintofmakeupbutherski nwasf l
awl ess.She
wor eglassest hatshelikedtowat chmeabov e
them sot hatIcoul dseeherkindey es.Isighed
atherquest ion.We’ dgoneov erthisandIdi dn’
t
l
iket al
kingabouti t.
“
Whatdoy
ouwantt
oknow?
”Iasked.

“Wher ewer ey oucomi ngfrom?Di dy oudr i

ve
withy ourfatherof ten? ”Ismi ledt hinkingofour
Sundayaf ternooni cecr eam dr ives.HeknewI
l
ikedI cecream andmymot herdi dn’tlike
keepingitint hehousewi thal lthecal or i
es,it
wasn’ tgoodf orme.I cecream andcake.Sowe
woul dsneakoutonSundayaf t
ernoonaf t
er
l
unchundert hegui seofgoi ngt ot hecarwash.
Hel etmedr iv ewhi leher elaxedandl istenedto
musi cont her adio.Wewoul dsitin, hav esli
ce
ofcakeandt henf ollowedbyi cecr eam.I
beli
ev eheal sodi dt hesef orhi msel fbecause
mymot herwat chedhi sdietlikeahawk.No
sugarwasal lowedf orhi m.Il ookedupt ofind
myt herapistpat i
ent lywai t
ing.

“
Wewer
ecomi
ngf
rom ourusual
icecr
eam r
un.
ItwasourSundayt
hing.
”Agushofsadness
washedovermeatthememor y
.Imissedhi
m
somuch.

“Youdon’tt
alkaboutyourdadmuch.Whatwas
heli
ke?”Whatwast heretotal
kabout
?Hewas
dead,Iwasn’
t.Thedrunkendri
vert
hathi
tus
wasalsoali
vesomewher e.

“Hewasagoodman.Lov ingf
atherandev en
bett
erhusband.Helovedmeandhel ikedmy
boyfr
iendLucas,whoaskedmet omar ryhim by
theway .
”Shefrownedandwrotesomet hi
ng
down.
“Tellmeabouty
ourboyf
riend.
”Ilookedatthe
clock.Ihadt
enminut
esleftontheclock.
“I
’
m nother
etotal
kabouthi
m.”Shesi
ghedand
cl
osedhernot
ebookt
henleanedf
orwar
d.
“Si
sonke, f
orthistowor kwehavetodealwit
h
ever
yaspectofy ourl
ife.Thi
sisi
ssueyouhave
i
smor et hansurvivor
'sguil
tandIneedtogett
o
thesourceoft heproblem.Ican’
tdothati
fyou
don’
topenup. ”

“Welldoc,
looksl
i
keourt
imei
sup.
”Isai
d
standi
ngup.

“Yes.Butwewi llconti
nuethi
sconv er
sati
onin
ournextsession.”Ipastedasmi l
eonmyf ace
asIwal kedout.Ididn’
tthi
nkIwoul dbecoming
backthereagain.ComeweekendIwasgoi ngt
o
getinthatcaranddr iv
eagain.Fearbedammed.

Thefol
lowingmor ni
ng,Iwascar ef
ul i
n
sel
ecti
ngmyout fi
t,Iendedupset t
li
ngf ora
si
mpleflor
aldress.Iwasv i
sit
ingMkhul ul
i andI
wasnervous.Ihadn’tseenhi
mi nov eray ear.
Theser iesIwat chedaboutpr isondi dn’
tbri
ng
meanycomf ort.Iwatchedmyr eflecti
oninthe
mirrorandcr i
nged.May beIwast ryi
ngt oohar
d
withthedr ess.Myhi pswer etowi de, myass
toobi gandmybr eastwer ejustasbi g.Thediet
Iwasondi dn’tseem tobewor kingmay bei
t
woul difIwasdi scipl
inedbutIl ovedf ood.I
l
ookedatt hetime, Ididn’
thavet imef oranot
her
outfi
tchange.SoIgr abbedmybagandphone
andor deredanUber .

Myner vesgrewt hecl oserIwasget t

ingtothe
place.WhatwasIgoi ngt osayt ohim?Di dhe
evenwantt oseeme?May behef orgotabout
me.Howdi dhel ookl i
keinapl acelikethat
?
Thedr iv
erlookedupatmei nt herarevi
ew
mi r
rorashedr oppedmeof f.Icouldseethe
questionsorthej udgementi nhisey es.Iwalked
throughthesecur it
yandt hepr ocessofbeing
checkedl ef
tmef eel
ingv i
olated.Ihatedbody
searches.Iwasdirectedtoasi t
tingareawher e
Ifoundal otofpeopleseatedandwai t
ingt o
seet hei
rlovedones.Theycal l
edoutaf ew
peopl eatatimetogot hrough.Itwasov eran
hourwhenmynamewascal l
edoutandI
foll
owedt heguardtot hevisi
ti
ngar ea.

“Not ouchi ngt hepr isoner!”hecl ippedashe

direct edmet oat ablethathadt wochai rs
opposi teeachot her.Othert abl eshadpeopl e
seat edwi t
ht hei rlovedonesf awni ngov erthem.
Myner vesi ntensi fi
edasIwai tedf orMkhul ul
ito
bebr oughti n.WhenIl ookedupandsawhi m
comi ngi n,heseemedt oal mostf i
l
lt hedoor
way .Myhear tl urchedandpai nf ull
ycont r
acted
whenIsawhi mi nthator angeuni f
or m.Ithitthe
realityhome.Hewasr eallyinj ail.Hisst ep
fal
t eredwhenourey esconnect edand
somet hi
ngf l
i
cker edinhisey es.Theey esthat
wer emor eintenset hanIr emember ed.He
seemedt ofi
llup,I
’m notsur eifhe’dgained
weightori twasmuscl es.Theuni f
orm was
sli
ghtlybigtotell
andhi shai rhadgr owni ntoa
shortafro.ThebeardIcoul dn’tgetusedt o.It
madehi m seem older.Itfeltweirdtoact uall
y
fi
ndt hathelookedgoodr egardless.Myner ves
hadmeshi ft
inguncomf ortableinmyseat .He
keptey econtactunti
l hewasst andingbef or
e
me.Theguar dthataccompani edhim stooda
fewfeetbehi ndhim asMkhul ulit
ookhisseat .

“Sisonke.
”Hisvoi
cewasdeeper
?Hadi tal
ways
beent hi
sdeepandwhywasIgetti
ngshiver
s
from thesoundofmynameonhi sli
ps?

“
Hel
l
oMkhulul
i
.”I
tcameouti
nabreat
hyrush.
“
Howar
eyou?”hepl
acedhi
shandsonthetabl
e.

“
Aswel
lascanbeexpect
edatapl
acel
i
ket
his.
Idi
dn’texpecttoseey ou.
”Hisfacedi
dn’tbetr
ay
anyemot ionswhatsoever.Heseemedmi l
dly
cur
iousbutdi dn’
tseem happytoseeme.Or
wasIr eadingtoomucht ohisi
ndif
fer
ence?

“Icouldn’
teasi
lyfi
ndyouwi t
houtalastname.
WhathappenedMkhul ul
i?”Hiseyesfli
cker
ed
withsomet hi
ngli
keannoyanceorhurt.He
glancedaroundtheroom andfi
nall
ysettl
edon
me.

“
It
’swhatI
’
m st
il
ltr
yingt
ofi
gur
eoutmy
sel
f.
”

“Soyoudidn’
tdoit
?”Pai
ncrossedi
nhi
seyes.
Ofcoursehedidn’
tdoi
t.Butwhydi
dheget
arr
ested?

“
NoSonke.Idi
dn’
tdoi
tbutt
heev
idencewas
agai
nstmeandwheny oucan’
taff
ordagood
l
awy ert
hingsl
ikethissti
cksonyou.”Hedi
dn’
t
soundbitt
erbutjustresi
gned.

“Howar eyou,r
eall
y?”Iaskedagain.Myeyes
searchinghi
s.Hesmi l
edandi twasgenui
ne
thi
st i
meashel eanedforwardont het
abl
e.

“
Iam f
ineSonke.Howar
eyou?
”

“I’
mf i
net oo.”Sopolit
e!Iwantedt oaskhow
theywer etreati
nghimi nthi
splacebutt hought
betterofit.Iwasscaredtoknow.“ Howi sy our
family?Whoar etheystay
ingwith?”thathad
alwaysbeenmywor ryinall
ofthis.

“Theyar
estay
ingwithPr
etty.Shewasmy
gir
lf
ri
endandchi
ldhoodf
riend.Shet
ookt
hem i
n.
Lucki
ly,shegotafli
ghtat
tendantjob.Sothi
ngs
aren’
tasbad. ”Hi
seyesdi
dn’tseem happy
aboutitthough.I
tamazedmehowwel l
Icould
readhimj ustbyl
ooki
nghimi ntheeye.

“
CanIhavehercont
act
stocheckont
hem.
’He
f
rowned.

“Iratheryoudidn’t
.”Hurtsl
icedthoughmeat
hiswor ds.Wewer equi
etforafewseconds
afterthat.Idi
dn’tknowwhatt osay.

“Lucasaskedmetomar
ryhim.
”Ibl
urt
ed.He
bli
nkedandhisj
awti
ght
ened.

“
Don’
tmar
ryhi
m.”I
twasmyt
urnt
obl
i
nk.
“
What
?”
“Theguyi sajer
k.Hewillmakey oumiser
abl
e.”
Annoyancepr i
ckl
edatme.Howdar ehemake
suchstatements!Hehardl
yknewLucas?Yet
anotherpersonwhothoughtIcouldn’
tmakemy
owndeci si
ons!

“
Wow.Youdon’tknowhiml
ikeIdo.Helov
es
me.
”Mydadlikedhim.Mymotherl
oveshi
m.
Hecan’
tbeal
lbad.

“Iknowenough. ”Hegrit
ted.“
Youdeser vebetter
thanhim.Tr ustme! ”hedidn’
tknowwhatI
deserve.Girl
slikemet ookwhatt heycouldget.
Icouldn’
tbepi cky.Imeannoonel ookedatme.
ItwasjustlikewhenIwasat eenager.WhenI
walkedintoapl acewi t
hKoketsobymysi de
peoplenoticedher .Manaskedheroutev en
thoughshet ur
nedt hem downtheystil
lpursued
her.Iwasjustt
hefatugl
yduckl
i
ngmymot her
thoughtIwas.Soahotguyli
kehim want
ingto
mar r
yme, I
’dbecr
azytotur
nhim down.

“Idi
dn’tcomeheretotal
kaboutLucas.I
wantedt ocheckonyouandseeift
hereis
anyt
hingIcoulddo.”Hetookadeepbreat
h.

“You’
veseenme.Iam fi
ne”hesai
d.“
Don’
t
comehereagai
n,”hesai
dgetti
ngonhisf
eet
.

“
Hay
iboMkhul
uli
!”

“Imeani tSonke.Idon’twanty out ocomeher e

again.May beIshouldn’thavemi xedmy sel
f
withy ourki
nd.”Mychestt ightenedlikeascrew.
Hisf r
iendshipwasoneIcher i
shedandhewas
regretti
ngit.Whatdi
dIdo?“ Andi fyoulove
yourself,
youwi l
lnotmar r
yt hatdouchebag.
Goodby e.”Hewal kedawaywi thoutlooking
back.Iwat chedhisbackretreatunti
l i
t
disappearedthroughwher ehecamef r
om.
ThenIwaswal kingouttry
ingt ofi
gur eoutwhat
Ididwr ong.Ihadcomeher ehopingIcoul dhel
p
him outwi t
hhissibli
ngs.Heseemedt ohave
thattakencareof .

“Youseem t ooquiet
.Isthepl
acenotupt oyour
l
iking?”Lucasaskedf r
om acrossthetabl
e.I
’d
beenqui tebecausehe’dbeenonhi sphone
sincewesatdown.Wewer eatanupscale
restaurantt
odiscusstheweddi ngprepar
ati
ons.
Thel obolanegoti
ati
onsweredoneweeksago
andt heweddingdatewasset .

“Il
ovethepl
ace.Thankyouf
orbri
ngi
ngme
here.
”Hesmiled.Agenui
nesmi
le.Hedi
dthata
l
otl
atel
y.HeseemedhappyandhappyLucas
meanthappyme.

“Youdeser vet hebestbabe.Il ovet hewei ght

l
oss.I tlooksgoodony ou. ”Hewi nked.If eltmy
faceheat .Hehadbeencompl i
ment ingmenon-
stopt hepastf ewmont hs, si
nceIst ar t
ed
sheddi ngt hewei ghtoff.Somet hingmymot her
personal lyt ookr esponsibilit
yof.Shet oldme
shedi dn’twantheronl ychi ldlookingl i
kea
whal eonherweddi ngday .So, Ijoinedawei ght
l
osspr ogr am ofherchoosi ng.Lowcar band
highpr otei n,Ihadt orecor dwhatIat eandwas
wei ghedi nev erytwoweeks.Ofcour se,Ididn’t
recordwhatIat einthemi ddleoft heni ght.It
didn’tcountbecauseIf orcedi touti mmedi atel
y
aftereat i
ng.I twast heeuphor i
aandt hehi ghI
waschasi ng.Whi chIonlygotwhent he
chocol atesorcakeshi tmyt astebuds.Iwas
alsoar egul aratt hegym.So, whent her esults
showedandLucaspr
aisedme,
Ipr
eenedl
i
kea
peacock.
Ithadbeenov eray earsincet helastt i
meIhad
seenMkhul uli
.Ineverstoppedt hinkingabout
him.Whi chwaswei rdconsi deri
ngt het wo
timesIwentt ovisi
thimt hispasty ear ,he
refusedtoseeme.Thef irstti
meIt houghthe
mi ghthavebeensicksoIwentagai nonl ytobe
toldbyasy mpatheticpri
sonwar dert hathe
didn’twanttoseeme.

“Whenisthenextfi
tt
ing?”Lucasbroughtme
outofmyt hought
s.ThoughtsIshouldn’
tbe
havi
ngreall
y.

“NextweekFriday,t
henitwi
ll
beaf ewday s
befor
etheweddi ng.
”Itookasipofmywi ne.
“Youarest
ill
nott el
l
ingmewher eyouare
taki
ngmef orthehoneymoon?”hesmirked.
“It
’sasur prisebabe.ButIknowy ou’lll
ov eit.”
Hel i
kedsur prisi
ngme.Li kethehousewe
woul dl i
vei naf terwemar ri
ed,healready
boughtandi twasonl ywaiti
ngformet of urni
sh
i
t.Thent hecarheboughtmeamont hago.I ’
d
beenf orcedt ofinall
ydr i
vebecauseIdi dn’t
wantt oseem Iwasunappr eciat
ive.Ittookme
twoweeksnott ost opandpukeont hesi deof
theroad.Thesweat ingwasmydai l
yt hingnow.
I
thel pedt hatmyof f
icewasai r-
conditioned
otherwi seIwoul dlooklikeamadwoman
throughmymeet i
ngs.Ourwai tr
esscameand
placedourdi nnerbef or
eus.Lucasl ookedat
thegl asst hatcont ainedhisspecifi
cdr inkand
frowned.

“
What
’st
his?
”heaskedt
hewai
tr
ess.
“
Yourdr
inksi
r.
”Shel
ookedner
vousl
ybet
ween
t
hetwoofus.
“Iaskedfort
heli
nesepar
atel
y.Thent
heCoke
hadt obeinacan.
”Hesaid.

“I
’
llchangei
tsi
r.
”Shegr
abbedt
hegl
assand
hurr
iedaway.

“Wast hatr
eal
lynecessar
y?”Iaskedtaki
nga
biteofmysaladwhilemyey estr
ayedtohis
steak.

“Idon’
ttoler
atei
ncompet
encebabe.”Hedugt
o
hisfood.Conver
sati
ondi
smissed.

I
’djustret
urnedfrom gym whenIreceived,I
recei
vedacal l
from anunknownnumber .I
’
d
takenleav
ef r
om wor kbecauseitwasaweek
beforemyweddi ng.Thefinalpr
eparat
ions
requi
redmyi nputaccordi
ngtomymot herand
theweddi ngplanner
.Lucaswasn’tbot
heredhe
j
ustf orkedoutwhatevermoneyhewasasked
for
.Hi sbusinesswasdoingweel,sowellthat
he’dbeenl i
stedonForbes30under30.The
businessnewsdupedhi mt heonetolookout
for
.Mymot herl
ovedthei
deaofourmar r
iage
mor eaf t
erwards.

“
Hel
l
o.”

“
Hel
losi
sSisonke.Youdon’tknowme,my name
i
sNozi
,Iam Mkhulul
i’
ssi
ster.”Myhear
tli
teral
l
y
j
umpedtomyt hr
oat.

“
Whathappenedt
ohi
m?”

(
Pleaser
ememberthi
swor ki
sunedi
ted.You
wi
llfi
nder
ror
s.MyPubli
shedandedi
tedbooks
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er9

Nozi
(Speci
alPOV)

“Zanowakeup! ”Ishakehi m awakef ort he3r d

ti
met hi
smor ning.Hehasal way sbeena
ter
riblemor ningper son.Iremembert het imes
Luliwoul ddraghi m of fthebed.If eel thest ing
i
nmyey eatt het houghtofmybr other .God, I
misshi m.Ishakemyheadof f.Itwon’ thel pt o
thi
nkabouthi m att hi
stime.“Zano! ”Ismackhi s
footst i
ckingoutf rom underthebl anket .He
worriesmet hisone.I ’vecheckedhi sbooks
overtheweekendandhehasn’ tbeendoi ng
good.Hecan’ taf fordtoslackonhi sf irstyear
ofhighschool .Heneedst ounder standt hatit
i
sn’tlikepr i
mar y.Thewor kisgoi ngt oget
harderandmor
ecompli
cat
ed.Ifhedoesn’
t
keepupnow,heisi
nvi
ti
ngprobl
ems.“Zano!
”

“Mhm!”her
ollsandf
acest
hewal l
.“I
’
m not
goi
ngtoschool.
”Hemumbles.Ipul
lthebl
anket
al
lthewayoffhi
m.

“Youmustbecrazy.Whatdoy out hi
nkLul
i wi
ll
saytothat?
”Wegotweekl ycal
lsfrom hi
m.
Askinghowwewer edoing.Aboutschool and
ourwell-
bei
ngingeneral.Henev eraskedfor
anythi
ngforhi
mself.Justcontinuedto
encourageust
obegoodandl i
stentoPretty.

“Heisnotherenowi she!
”Heroarsfl
i
nginghis
feetov
ert hebedandgetti
ngup.If
oll
owhim as
hemar chestothebathr
oom downthepassage.
“Keepyourvoi
cedown!Pr ettyisstil
lsl
eepi
ng.”I
sayinahushedtone.“ Makey ourbedwheny ou
aredone.
”Herollshisey esandcl osesthe
bathr
oom doorinmyf ace.Icringeatthesound
hemakes.I’
m alreadydr essedandr eadytogo
butIhavetowaitforZanot obedonesoIcan
makesurethatev er
ythingisinor der.
Idon’tl ikeust obeanui sancet oPr ett
y
becauseIhav ethisfeart hatshe’llgetsi ckofus
andt hr owusoutoft hehouse.Thenwewi ll
hav enowher eelset ogo.Shei srent i
ngoutour
RDPhouset hatweonl ystayedinf orlikesi x
mont hsaf terLuli
’
sar restandt henshemov ed
ust oat hreebedroom f l
atinthesubur bs.She
alsor ecei vesourgrantmoneyandf ost ercare
stipendt hatwasi ni
tial
lymeantf orLuli.Thanks
toMa’ am Si t
holewor kinghermagi c.Ial sowork
onSat ur daysbrai
dingpeopl e’shairandt hat
givesmeext ramoney .Zanohasaj obwal ki
ng
dogsonweekendsf oraf ewwhi tef ami li
esin
ournei
ghbourhood.Wealldowhatwecant o
tr
yandmaket hingseasi
erint
hehouse.That’
s
whatourbrot
hertaughtusandwewillnotl
et
hi
m down.
I
t’sov erfort
ymi nuteswhenZanoemer ges
from hisroom alreadydressedinhisschool
unif
or m.Ipasshi m abowl ofcerealandgo
makesur ethatthebathroom andhisr oom isi
n
order.Hehascl eanedupaf terhi
msel f.Hedoes
thatalway sbutIalway swanttomakesur e.I
fI
don’tI’l
lbeanxioust heenti
reday.

“Youshoul
drel
axsi
s.Yourt
iptoei
nggi
vesme
anxi
ety.
”Hesayswi
thamout hful
l.

“Ij
ustdon’twanttogivePrett
yar easonto
complain.Belessofaburdeny ouknow.”He
l
ooksupatmeandhol dsmyst ar
ef orafew
seconds.Amy r
iadofemotionsgoest hr
ough
hiseyes.Hef i
nisheshisfoodinsil
ence
after
wardst henher inseshisbowl andspoon
anddr i
esit.Wewal ktoschoolandwear elucky
thati
tisn’tfarfrom wherewest ay.Weseparate
from eachot herwhenheseeshi sfri
endsand
goest ojointhem.

Ourgradeandgr adetwelve’
shav espor ti
ng
eventstoat t
end.SinceIdon’tdoanyspor tsI
gettogohomeear l
y.Ihearvoicesint hehouse
assoonasIst epin.It
’sprobablyoneof
Prett
y’sboy f
ri
ends.Shehasmor et hanone.I
am assumi ngwhatt heyhadwi thmybr ot
heris
overandIdon’ tblameher.Whowoul dwaitfor
someonei njail
?Shei salr
eadydoi ngmor ethan
enoughf orhim byaccommodat ingus.So, I
don’tbegrudgeherany thi
ngshedoes.

“
Idi
dwhaty
ouasked?Youoweme!
”Ihearher
raisedv
oiceasIpassherclosedbedr
oom door
.
I
’m notsurewhyI’
vestoppedandwhymyeari s
gluedonherdoor.Ican’
thelpi
t,I
’
vealway
s
beencurious.

“Goshwoman.Igoty ouyourjobandthi
splace.
Givemeabr eak!
”Thisguysheisspeaki
ngt o
i
sn’toneofhertwoguys.Thisonehasat wang.
“Comebackt obedbabeanddosomeoft hat
t
hingy oudowithyourwai
st.
”

“
Youboughtheracar
!”

“Arewereal
lydoingt
hisr
ightnow?Sheisgoi
ng
tobemywi f
eandy ouwil
lnotmesswiththat
Prett
y!”t
heguyisget
ti
ngagitat
ed.

“
I’
m st
il
lwai
ti
ngf
ormycutanddon’
tthi
nky
ou
candoubl
ecrossme.Doy ouknowwhatIl
ost
fordoi
ngwhatyouasked?I’
m notr
eal
l
yproud
ofwhatIdi
d!”
“
Geeswoman.Igeti
t.I
’
llmakei
thappen.

“Real ly!
”Icoul dhearherexci tementev en
throught hedoor .Iwonder edwhatt heywer e
talkingabout .Knowi ngheri tcouldbeabout
transpor tingsomei l
legal goods.Iknowshei sa
hust lerandI ’dwitnessedaf ewofherdeal s
whenshet houghtIwasn’ tpay i
ngattenti
on.
Theyusual l
yt ookplacei npubl i
cspacesbut
nev erinherbedr oom.Ther ear emuf fl
ed
soundsf ol l
owedbymoansandgr oansandI
canf eelmyf aceheat ingatwhatI ’m heari
ng.I
qui cklyrunt omyr oom bef oreIgetanear ful.
Pr ettyisn’treall
yasi lentloverhenceIdeci ded
tot aket her oom inthemi ddle,separati
ngher
from Zano.
It
’sawhi lebeforeherguestl eavesandI ’
ve
stayedinmyr oom t heenti
reti
mewi t
h
earphonesl oggedi nmyear s.Af ewmi nut
es
l
aterafterwardsZanoar ri
vesfrom school andI
j
oinhimi nthekitchenandhel ppr eparelunch.
WhenPr ett
ycomesoutal r
eadydr essedinher
unifor
m anddr aggingasuitcase,Iknowshe’ ll
beawayf orawhi le.

“
Helloyout
wo.”Webothgreetherback.“
Ihav
e
afour-
dayi
nter
nat
ional
,soI
’l
lbebackon
Wednesday
.”

“
Ist
her
eanythi
ngyou’
dli
keust
odowhi
l
e
y
ou’
regone?
”Iask.

“
Nope.Nothi
ng.Takecareofeachot her
.”I
wat
chherdragherdelseyluggagesetunti
lshe
i
soutthedoor.Icanf
inal
lybreathe.WhenZano
i
sdoneeat ing.Hewashest hedi shesandt ells
mehei sgoi ngoutt opl aysoccer .SincePr etty
i
sn’ thomet hereisnoneedf ormet ocookona
Fri
day .Wewi llprobabl yhav eeggsandbr ead.I
rel
axi nmyr oom l i
steningt omusi c.Wheni thit
s
8pm, Ibegi ntowor rywhenZanodoesn’ treturn
home.WhenIt ryhisphone, i
t’sof fandIdon’ t
hav ehi sfriend’snumber s.Af terwal kingar ound
thenei ghbour hoodf oral mostt wohour sI
returnhomet oanempt yhouse.Ispendani ght
bounci ngbet weenf uryandwor ry.Whati f
somet hinghappenedt ohi m?Hei sf our teenf or
cryingoutl oud!Wher ecoul dhebe?Imusthav e
fal
lenasl eepbecauseI ’m wokenbyt hesunon
myf ace.Wi thallthewor rylastni ghtIdi dn’t
evencl oset hecur tain.Thehousei stooqui et
asIr unt owar dshisr oom.Myhear tdropst omy
feetwhenIseehi sempt ybed.Henev er
returnedhome.Igoout sideagai naski ngki ds
thatIseeont hest r
eet sandnoonehasseen
him.JustasIgetbackf rom l ookingf orhi m my
phoner
ings.Af
terchecki
ngthenumber
,Iknow
i
t’
sLuli
.Hecall
sthesamet i
meev er
ySat
urday
.

“Lul
i
.Zanoismissi
ng.
”Idon’tevenwaitf
orhi
m
togreet
.Ther
eisapauseforafewseconds
andIchecktoseei
fheissti
llonthel
ine.

“Whatdoyoumeanhei
smissing?
”Hi
stone
sendscol
dchi
ll
sdownmyspine.

“Hedidn’tcomehomel astnight.
”Myv oice
tremblesasIrelayallthei nf
ormat i
ontohim.
“Pret
tyisonani nternationaltr
ip,Ican’
tgethol
d
ofher.”Ifi
nal
lysay .

“Takethisnumberdown.Cal
lher
,hernameis
Sisonke.Tel
lherIsenty
ouandaskhertohel
p
you.”
“
Okay
.”

“Nozi.Heisf
ine.
”Inod.Notsureifheis
reassuri
ngmeorhimself.Af
terhangingup.I
dialt
henumbermybr otherj
ustgaveme.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er10

Idrovewit
houtthinki
ng.Theaddr essNozi had
givenmewaseasyenough.Nott oofarfrom
wher ewestay
ed.Al l
t histimetheywerel i
ving
undermynoseandIdi dn’tev
enknow.Myhear t
hadbeenbeatingatanal armingratesince
receivi
ngt
hecall.Allsortsofscenarioswent
throughmyhead.Deat h,humant raf
fi
cking,and
mor edeat
h.Theybouncedar oundmyheadI
thoughtIwoul
dgocr azy .

Therewasanopenpar ki
ngjusti
nfrontofthe
buil
dingandIpulloverandtheti
resscreeched
fr
om t hehar
dbreaking.Igr
abbedmyphone
andmadeacal lrunningint
othebuil
ding.Nozi
wasst andi
ngoutsidetheapart
mentasI
reachedthei
rfloor
.ShewasMkhul uli’
ssi
ster
alr
ight,
theonlydif
ferencewastheircompl
exion.
Shehadherar msf ol
dedinfrontofherand
seemedv isi
blyshaken.

“Nozi
.”Shenoddedvigor ousl
y.Iopenedmy
arms,andsherantowar dsmeandf l
unghersel
f
i
ntomyembr ace.Onl
yt henIr eal
isedIwas
soaki
ngwet.Sweatdr oppedf r
om myf or
ehead,
myspineandmyar mpi ts.Iwastrembli
ng.

“Heisst
il
lnotback.
”Shespokei
nasmal
lvoi
ce
Icoul
dbarel
yhear.

“He’l
lbeal
ri
ght.Comel et
’sgetinsi
de.”I
draggedhert
owardst heopendoor .Myeyes
didaquicksweepoft heplace.I
twasadecent
sizewit
hmoder nbutwellusedfurnit
ure.I
tfel
t
homely.Andtooclean.Iwonderedwhokepti t
thiscl eanf orabr i
efmomentbef oret hesni ff
ing
broughtmebackt ot heshaki ngy ounggi r
linmy
arms.“ Weneedt ocal lthepol i
ce,”Isaidaswe
bot hsatsi debysi deont hecouch.Shenodded.
Idisent angledherf rom meandt ookoutmy
phonef rom mysweatpant s.Myhandsshook
asIdi alledt henumberandwai t
edf ort he
oper atort oputmet hrough.Ikeptst ealing
glancesatNozi .Hernosebl otched;cheeks
streakedwi thtearswhi leshechewonher
bot t
om l ip.Shewasski nnybutnoti nabadway .
Inawaymodel swoul dkill
f or
.Justassomeone
answer ed,thedoort othef l
atopened.AndI
knewwi t
houtbei ngt olditwasZano.Hewas
tall
,tal l
ert hanNozi ,andanexactr epli
caof
Mkhul ul i
.Ihungupt hephoneasNozi j
umped
toherf eetandr ant owar dshim.Shef lungher
armsar oundhi m andt heybot hstagger edat
thei mpact .Itwasaf ewsecondsofme
wat chi ngt hem clingingt oeachot herbef or
e
Nozi backedof f.Thent heclapthatf oll
owed
echoedt
hrought
hehouse.

“Wherethehel
l haveyoubeen? ”t
hequest ion
foll
owedtheslap.Zanolookeddownr ubbing
thesideofhi
sf ace.Whenitseemsanot her
clapwascoming, hewasqui cktoreactashe
j
umpedoutoft heway.Iquickl
ymov edand
stoodbetweent hepai
r.

“Whoisthi
s?”OhGodhi svoi
cesoundedl ikehis
bigbr
other
.Noziwatchedhim hernoseflari
ng
whil
eherchestheav
ed.Gonewer et her
efearful
eyesi
nitspl
aceanger.Shewaspi ssed.

“Answermydamnquest i
onfi
rst!Doyouhav
e
anyideawhatyou’
veputmethrough.
”Hehad
thedecencyt
olooksheepi
sh.“Zano!
”
“Okay.Let
’sallcal
m down.”Ii
nter
ject
ed
becauseIcouldseeNozi’sangerescal
ati
ng.
“ZanoI’
m Sisonke.Yourbrot
her’
sfri
end.
”He
frownedindisbeli
ef.

“Mybrotherdidn’thavefri
ends.
”Heretor
ted
dari
ngmet odi sagree.Ohthatst
ubbornti
ltof
hischi
njustli
kehi sbrother
.WhywasI
comparingthem t oMkhululi
?Ofcour
se,they
hadthesamemanner i
sm, t
heyweresi
bli
ngsfor
cryi
ngoutloud!

“Hedid.Hedoes.I’m oneofthem.”Iwalked
backtotheloungeandt heyfol
lowedme.Zano
remainedstandi
ngleaningagainstthewall
.He
seemedr eadytobolt
.Iinter
nal
lylaughed
becauseNozi wassmal l
erthanhim andhe
couldeasil
yoverpowerherifhewant ed.
“Lulicall
edandItol
dhi
m aboutyour
disappearance.Howdoyouthi
nkhefeel
syou
dumbi di
ot?”

“
Idi
dn’
tmeant
ost
ayov
er.
”

“
Stayoverwher
e?Boy,y
our eekofal
cohol
!
Whati
swr ongwit
hyou?”Nozishout
ed.
“
Ai.Chi
l
l.Youar
enotmymot
her
!”

“
She’
dbesodi
sappoi
ntedi
nyour
ightnow.
"

“Howdoy ouknow?I t’
snotlikeIintendedto
dri
nk.
”Hecont inuedi
nhisstubbor nstance.“I
wasjusttr
yingitout.
”Heshr ugged.“Thenthe
nextt
hingIknewi twasmor ning.Ididn’
tmean
toworryyou.”Hemumbl ed.Ididn’tknowwhat
tosay.OnonehandIwasr eliev
edhewassaf e,
ontheotherIwaspissedandscaredthathe’
d
conti
nuewiththi
sbehav i
our.Howol
dwashe
anyway?Probabl
yfourteen.Hewastooyoung
tobedri
nking.

“Ican’tdealwithyouri
ghtnow. ”Nozisaid
getti
ngupandgoi ngtothekit
chen.She
switchedont hekettl
e.“Si
sSisonkewoul dyou
l
ikecof feeortea?
”Ilovedcoffeewi t
hmi l
kbut
sincemywei ghtlossjourneyIcouldn’
tindul
ge.

“Coffeeplease.Withmilkandtwosugar .”I
mightaswel l.“Pl
easedropthe‘si
s’”Ismi l
ed.I
wasal mostt hesameageast heirbrotherand
theydidn’
tcal l
him Bhut
i.Zanoremained
standingandkeptst eal
i
nglooksatmeasi f
tryi
ngt of
iguremeout .Nozibroughttwocups
andhandedonet ome.
“
Sitdownt
u.Youar
ebei
ngr
ude.
”Shedi
rect
ed
t
oZano.

“You’
renotgoi ngtojumpandhi tme?”heasked
asmi l
eteasinghislips.Noziroll
edherey esbut
hesatdownopposi teus.“I’
m sorrysi
s.Ireal
ly
didn’
tmeant owor ryyou.Itwasst upi
dofme
andIwon’ tdoitagain.”Hesoundedsi ncerebut
hewasat eenagerandhecoul dbeplayi
ngus.
Theey erollf
rom Nozi tol
dmeshehadher
doubts.Justthenherphoner ang.

“Luli
.”Shegushed.“ Yes,wefoundhim.Hei s
okay.Act ual
ly,hecamehome.Askhi m.Yes, I
call
edher ,sheisher e.
”Sheglancedatmeand
l
istenedf orafewseconds.“ Yeahholdon.”She
passedt hephonet oZano.Hewentthrougha
my ri
adofemot ionsashelist
enedtohisbr other
withoutinterr
upt i
ons.Ther
ewasr egr
et,shame
andmor eregret
.Hisvoicecr
ackedashe
apol
ogisedandpr omisednottodoitagai
n.
Aft
erhesai dgoodbyehepassedthephoneto
me.Myhear tlur
ched.Ihadn’
texpectedhi
mto
wanttospeakt ome.

“Hell
o.”Il
ookedaroundtofi
ndtwopairsof
eyesgluedtomeandIf el
tmyf aceheat
ing.I
stoodandwal kedawaytothepassageto
givemysel
fspace.

“
Sonke.”GoddidInothavegoosi
esbreaki
ng
t
hroughmyent i
rebody.“
Thankyouforcoming
t
hrough.”Hesai
d.

“I
’m gladyougaveNozimynumber
.I’
m her
eto
hel
pi ftheyneedme,i
fyou’
l
lal
lowmeto.”
Therewasapause.
“
I’
dappreci
atet
hat
.”Anot
herpause.“
Howar
e
y
ou?”heasked.

“I
’
m okay
.Reli
evedyourbrotheri
ssaf
e.Hegav
e
usascar
e.”Ihear
dhim exhale.

“
Yeah,
hedid.I
fit
’snot
roubl
epl
easecheckon
t
hem f
rom t
imetoti
me.”

“Youdon’thavetoaskMkhul
uli
.”Ther
ewas
anotherpause.It
houghthemi
ghthavehungup.
“Mkhulul
i?”

“Areyousti
ll
mar ry
ingtheguy ?”Il
ooked
towardsthel
ivi
ngr oom.Nozi wasbusyi nthe
kit
chenandZanowaschannel surf
ingthr
ough
theTV.Isuddenlyfeltl
i
keani ntr
uder.Thiswas
Mkhululi
’
sgirl
fr
iend’splace.Wherewasshe
anyway?
”Whatri
ghtdidhehaveaski
ngme
aboutmyper
sonall
if
e?Ididn’
taskabouthi
s
andthewomanwhohel pedhi
m wit
hhis
si
bli
ngs.

“YesIam Mkhul
uli
.”Myvoi
cecameouthard.
Dari
nghimtogivemehisunwantedadv
ice.

“Iwishyouall
thebestSonke.
”Iwasn’
t
expecti
ngthat.

“
Thanky
ou.
”

“Goodbye.
”Hehungupbef oreIcouldsay
anythi
ng.Myhear
tfel
theav y
.Ididn’tknowwhy.
Ishookmyheadandreturnedtot helounge.
“Iwasthi
nki
ngmay beIcoul
dtakey outwoout
forl
unch.Whatdoyousay?”Theylookedat
eachother
.Asifsi
l
entl
ycommuni cati
ng.

“
Okay
.”Nozi
final
l
ysai
d.

“Great
.I’
l
lgohomeandshower .Ishoul dbe
backintwohour s.”Il
eftwonder i
ngwhatI
hopedtoachi evebyhav i
nglunchwi tht heki
ds.
Butmygutt oldmeIneededt odoi t
.Likethey
neededme.i tfel
tgoodt obeneeded.I twas
giv
ingmeasenseofpur pose.Mor et han
anythi
ngIwant edtopleaseMkhul ul
i.Help
l
essenhisbur dens.Ir
ealised;Ihadal waysfel
t
thi
swaysi nceImethi m.

TwohourslaterIwaspul l
i
ngupinfrontoft
hei
r
apar
tmentbuildi
ngf ort
hesecondti
mei naday
andtheywerealreadywaiti
ngforme.I’
dcal
led
them af ewmi nutesear l
iertoletthem knowI
wascomi ng.Zanol ookedbet terthanhedi d
earl
ier.May bethehangov erhadabat ed.Nozi
woreshor tsandasi mplet -
shirt
.Theydi dn’
t
dressasf ashionableaski dstheiragewoul d.
Nobr ands.Justcl othes.Cleanandi roned.Nozi
satinf r
ontwhi l
eZanosl i
dinatt heback.

“
Wher
ewoul
dyouguy
sli
ket
oeat
?”

“Any
whereyoupr
efersi
si.Sor
ry.
”Nozi
qui
ckl
y
apol
ogi
sed.

“
What
’sy
ourf
avour
it
epl
ace?
”

“Wedon’tr
eall
ygooutmuch.”Iregret
tedmy
stupi
dquesti
on.Ofcourset
heyprobablynever
hadthel
uxuryoftakeoutandgoingout.Iwent
tomyf avour
iter
estaurantwher etheyhad
wingsandr i
bstodiefor .Theyalsohadagreat
select
ionofheal
thyfoods, butithadbeena
l
ongdayandIwashopi ngt oi
ndulge.
Onceseat
ed, weremai
nedi
nawkwardsil
ence
whil
eZanofiddl
edwitht
hemenu.Helooked
l
ikehewantedtobeanywher
ebutther
e.

“Youcanor derwhat ev ery oulike,

”Isai dand
j
ustt henawai t
erappr oachedourt able.Zano
orderedbur gerandchi ps, thecheapestmeal on
themenu.Nozi orderedt hesame.Iaskedf ora
porti
onofr ibsandwi ngst hatwoul dbeenough
forthet hr
eeofus.I ftheycoul dn’tfinishthey
couldtakei thome.Ial soaddedasi desal ad
becausegui l
twoul dn’tallowmet of louri
sh.
“Whichgr adear ey ouinZano? ”Iaskedoncet he
waiterleftourtable.Ihadani dea,butImeani t
wasaconv er
sationst arterandIwant edto
breakt heawkwar dness.
“
Eight
.”Her
esponded.

“
Ohhi
ghschool
!Ni
ce.Howdoy
ouf
indi
t?”

“
It
’sokay
.”Heshrugged.Conv
ersat
ionwi
thhi
m
wasli
kepul
li
ngtooth.

“Youplayanysport
s?”Heshookhi
shead.“
Why
not?Don’tyouhav
eanysportyoul
ike?
”

“Sport
scanbeexpensi
ve.Ki
ts,
boot
s,t
ri
ps,that
sortofthi
ng.
”Hi
stonewasnonchal
ant
.Ilooked
atNozi.

“Itol
dhim nottoj
oinany.Pri
marywaseasy
becausetheschoolcoveredmostt
hings,
but
highschoolisdi
ff
erent
.”Sheshr
ugged.Li
ke
shewassharingapi
eceofinf
ormati
onIshoul
d
know.Becausetot
hem t
hiswasthei
rnormal.

“
Oh,
”Iwasmoment
ari
l
yst
unned.

“It
’snobigdeal
.”Heshrugged.Igotafeel
ing
thatitwasabigdeal
.May bethat’
swhyhewas
actingup.Heneededtochannelthatener
gy
towar dsaposi
ti
veout
let.Andthatissomethi
ng
Icouldhelpwit
h.

“
Whi
chspor
tdi
dyoudoi
npr
imar
y?"

“
Rugby
.”

“AahnowIcanseet hephysi
que.
”Hi
ssmil
egot
biggerandhesatupstr
aight
.Wespokeaf
ew
minut esaboutrugby,theposi t
ionhepl ay edand
heopenedupaboutt heti
tlestheywon.Hi s
eyesl i
tupandhi shandswer eanimat ed.Icould
seet hepassionhehadaboutt hespor tandI
want edtodomor eforhim.“IfIofferedt opay
forthesportsthingswoul dyoul etme? ”Iasked
andcr ossedmyf i
ngersundert hetable, hoping
theywer en’
tasst ubbornast heirbrother.His
eyesl i
tup.

“ThatwouldbeawesomeSi sSisonke!You
meanIcangot ryout
;theyhavetri
alsnextweek
fornexty
ear.
”Hishopeful
lylookpier
cedmy
heart
.Inodded.

“Idon’
tseewhynot .Youjustletmeknow
what’sneededandI’l
lsorti
tout.Every
thi
ngthat
hastodowi thspor
tsev entheeventsand
camps.”Hej umpedfrom hi
schairandgav eme
aqui ckhug.Thenseemedt or eali
sewhathe’ d
doneandsatbackl ookingembar r
assed.I
l
ookedacr osstowher eNozi wassi t
tingandher
eyeswer ebri
ght.“I
st hatokayNozi ?
”Ineeded
toincludeherbecauseIcoul dt el
lshe’ dtaken
ther oleofparenti
nginMkhul uli
’sabsence.
Whi chwassadbecauseshewasachi l
dher sel
f.
Iwonder edwhatr olet hePrettywomanpl ayed
i
nt heirli
ves.Didshej ustprovidear oofov er
theirheads,food,andcl othes?Tomet hey
seemedt ober ai
singt hemselves.Icoul dbe
mist akenbutIdidn’tli
keher .Nozi di
ppedher
headandnodded.

“
Thanky
ou,
Sisonke.
”

“Wi
llPrett
yhaveanissuewi thi
t?”Iasked
bel
atedlyevent
houghIf oundmy sel
fnotcar
ing
howthewomanf el
t.Icouldn’
texpl
ainthe
resent
mentIsuddenlyfelttowardsawomanI
nevermet.Mymai nworrywasMkhul ul
i,
mi ght
haveanissueandobjectt omyhel p.Henev er
l
ikedhandoutsortobet r
eat edli
kechari
ty.Too
bad,hewasn’ther
etopr ovideandt omethis
wasnotcharit
y.Iwasjustbei ngadecent
humanbeing.Sheshookherhead.

“Idon’
tthi
nksobutI ’
l
lletherknow.We
appreci
atethi
s.Iknowhowmuchmybr ot
her
l
ov eshi
ssport.
”

“Andyou,whatdoy oudoforfun?
”Shesmi l
ed
andlookedawayjustasthefoodarr
ived.Once
wehadourplatesandt heri
bsandwingswer e
i
nt hecent
reofthetabl
e.“Youcanhavet hat,
”I
gestur
edtowardsthefood.
“Icanonl
yhaveali
tt
le,
I’
m watchi
ngmyfigur
e.”
Zanowasalr
eadyhal
fwaythr
oughhisbur
geras
Ibeganwi
thmysal
ad.

“
Zanosl
owdown.
”Nozi
admoni
shed.

“
Thi
sisgood.
”Her
espondedhi
smout
hful
l
.

“So, Nozi,
I’
m wait
ing.”Shel
ookedupatmeas
i
fshe’ dfor
gottenwhatIasked.“Whatdoyoudo
forfun?”Iaskedagain.Shetookabit
eofher
food.Iwatchedherchew.Iwasn’tgoingt
olet
herof ft
hehook.

“
Idon’
thavet
imef
orf
un.Iwor
kweekends.
”I
f
rowned.

“Youdo?”Howoldwasshe?Sixt
eenor
Sevent
een?Shecoul
dn’
tbeolderthant
hat
.
“
Whatdoy
oudo?
”Iaskedaf
terhernod.

“
Hair
.Iusemyf r
iend’
sgar
age.Herpar
ent
s
wer
ekindenought ol
etme.
”

“
That’
simpressi
vesweeti
e.Ineverthoughtof
wor
kingwhenIwasy ourage.
”Isaidabsently
.

“Yeah,wel l
someofusdon’ thav
eachoice.But
Ienjoyit.Zanoworkst
oo.Hei sadogwalker.
”I
l
ookedatZanowho’ dfi
nishedhisbur
gerand
wasdi ggingint
otheri
bs.Hehadanappet i
te.

“I
’m proudofyouboth.
”Isaid.Kidst
heirage
shouldbeenjoyi
ngbeingchildr
enbuttheyboth
seemedol dert
hantheiry
ears.Itwashumbl i
ng
andhear t
-br
eaki
ngtosee.Itmademeseehow
pri
vi
legedmyl i
fehadbeen.Buti mmediatel
y
afterthatthoughtdoubtcreptinandati
ny
voiceinmyheadwhi spered,‘
wereyoureal
ly
thatpr i
vi
leged’Ihat
edthev oi
cebecauseit
alway sknockedsomeunwant edreal
i
tyand
truths.Myl i
fewaspeachycompar edtothei
rs.

Ther ewasnodoggybag.Wecl ear ed

everythingont het abl
e.Zanoeat ingt hebulkof
i
t.Theyhaddesser tsaft
erwards.ThenLucas
wascal l
ingwant ingt oknowwher eIwas.He
want edust ogowat chamov i
e,soIdr opped
thekidsatt heirplace.Promisingt ospeakt o
them ont hephoneandmeet ingupf orlunch
thefollowi ngweekend.Iwant edt ogi vethem
somecashbutIdi dn’twanttocomeont oo
strong.Butnowt hatIwasi ntheirl i
v es,Iwas
planningt odoal lIcant omaket hei rliv
es
easier.IjustneededMkhul ulionboar dwi t
hit
andmakesur eLucasandmymot hernev erfi
nd
out
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er11

“Idon’tunderstandwhyy oudon’ twanttomar r

y
mei ncommuni t
yofpr operty!Areyouplanning
todivorceme? ”Lucasaskedhi sfaceti
nged
withar edflush.Wewer eaf ewday saway
beforetheweddi ngandsi gningofpaperwor k
asourf ami l
ylawy ersuggested, wasimportant
.
Wewer eallsit
tinginthedi ni
ngt ableatmy
house.Mymot hersatattheheadoft hetable
herstarebor i
nghol esinmyhead.Icoul dsee
shewaspi ssed.

“Babe,youaret heonewit
hthemoneyandthe
business.Don’tyouwanttopr
otectt
hat
?”He
seemedt othinkabouti
t.
“But,
areyoupl anningtoleaveme?”Heasked.
Soundingabi tsuspici
ous.Iwouldlaughifthi
s
wasn’taseriousissuethatIneededt owin.The
mant hatexudedconf i
denceandar rogance,i
n
thatmoment ,soundedv eryunsur
eofhi mself
.

“Noonemar ri
eswi thintenti
onsofl eaving
Lucasbuti fIgoi ndebt ,forwhat everreason,
yourbusinesswi ll
beaf fected.Yourf utur
e
businessbiddi ngmi ghtbei njeopardyt hen.So,
i
t’ssimplerthisway .
”Isai dcrossingmyf i
ngers
underthetabl e.Idon’ tknowwhyIwas
adamantaboutt hi
sbecausehonest l
yLucas
hadmor emoneyt hanme.Hewast heonewho
shouldbef ightingtopr otecthisasset snotme.
Butabi gpar tofmewant edthatindependence
thatcamewi thmar riageoutofcommuni ty.
“Al
ri
ght.Wewil
ldoi
tyourway
.”Hef
inal
l
y
acqui
esced.
“Wouldthatbewi thaccrualorwi t
hout?”the
l
awy erasked.Lookingpoi nt
edlyatme.
“Rememberwi thoutaccr ualmeansy ouget
nothi
ngf r
om thispartnershi
pf r
om eithersi
de.
Eachpersonisr esponsiblefort
heirown
assets.
”Isawagl eam i
nLucas’ seyes.

“Withoutaccr uali
sbest .
”Lucasscowled.“
That
wayLucasdoesn’ tneedmyper mi
ssionwhen
hehast osignortransferorevenmanagehi s
money .
”Iquicklyadded.Heseemedappeased
afterwards.Iwaspr otecti
nghim morethan
my selfwiththisdeal.Theformsweresignedby
bothofusandwi t
nessesandt helawyer
promi sedtosenduseachacopy .

“Thatwasast upi
ddecisi
onSisonke.
”My
mot hersai
dunderherbreat
hthemoment
Lucaswal kedthelawy
erout.“Youal
lowed
Lucastohaveeveryt
hing.Whenyouleav
ethi
s
marri
age,youwalkoutwithnot
hing!
”she
soundedexasper
ated.

“I
’m notmarryi
ngLucasforhi
smoneymama.
Hedi dn’
thavewhenImethim.”Isai
dwal
king
tothekit
chen.Shefol
lowedherhi
ghheel
s
cli
ckingvi
olent
lybehi
ndme.

“
DidInott
eachy
ouany t
hing!
”shegreet
ed.
“
Whatareyoumarr
yinghi
mf orthen?
”

“
Any
thi
ngbutmoney
!”It
hrewbackather
.

“Godyouar esonaive!”sheshookherheadand
pouredhersel
faglassofwi ne.Justasshewas
abouttoconti
nuewi thhertir
ade,Lucaswal
ked
i
nandherscowl turnedi nt
oaper f
ectsmil
e.
“Well
,thatwentwell
.I’
m gl
adtoseethatbot
h
ofyourintenti
onsar
eclear
.”Shesai
dtohim her
smil
einpl ace.

“ItseemssoMama.ButIwi l
ldori
ghtbyyour
daughter.Shedoesn’
tevenhavetowork.
May bewhenwest arthavi
ngkidsshecan
resign.
”Ithoughtmyfacewouldcrackatmy
forcedsmi l
e.

“Nochanceofmequitt
ingmyjobLucas.You
knowIloveworki
ng.
”Hesmi l
edandwrapped
hisar
m aroundmywaistbr
ingi
ngmecl osert
o
hissi
de.

“
AsIsai
dbabe,
any
thi
ngf
ory
ou.
”

“
Wel
l
,ifwear
edoneher
e,Ineedt
ogo.Imust
fi
nali
semyhai rst
y l
ewi t
hmyst yli
st.
”Idon’t
knowwhyIneededt oliebutoninsti
nctIdid.I
knewf orsur
eIcouldn’ttel
lmymot herand
LucasaboutNozi andZano.Butt oli
eaboutmy
whereaboutswassounl i
kemei tevensurpri
sed
mehoweasyi twast otell
thel
ie.

“Ial
sohav eameet i
ngthatImustat t
end.”
Lucassai d.Wel eftthehouset ogethertoour
separatecar s.Dr i
vingformewasn’ tgett
ingany
easier.I
tfeltlikeIwasr eli
evingt hatdayevery
ti
meIst eppedbehi ndthewheel .ButIcouldn’
t
l
ivemyl if
ef ear f
ul andapar tofmedi dn’
twant
tosuccumbt othatweakness.Myl i
fewas
alr
eadysl i
ppi ngoutofmycont rolmosttimes
andIt ookitwher eIcoul d.SoIdi dwhatIhadt o
do.ZanoandNozi wer ewai ti
ngout sidethe
buil
dingforme.
“Heyyout
wo?
”Igr
eet
edast
heysl
i
dint
othe
car.
“Ar
ey ouokay
?”Nozi
askedconcer
net
chedon
herface.

“
Whydoy
ouask?I
’
mfi
ne.
”Ir
esponded.

“
Youar
edr
enchedinsweat
.”Onl
ythenI
r
eal
i
sedmydresscl
ungtomyskin.

“Justanxiet
iesaboutdrivi
ng.I’m okayt hough. ”I
l
ied.Wemadesmal lt
alkuntil
wer eachedt he
mal l
.Ineededtobuyaf ewspor tsthingsf or
Zano.Mkhul uli
loandbeholdhadagr eedt ome
helpi
ngt hekidsaslongasPr ettydi dn’tfindout .
Hedi dn’
twantt or
ockt heboat .IfIcoul dn’ttake
them inthentheyneededasaf eplacet ost ay.I
wasr eli
evedtohearthatbecauset henwher e
andhowwoul dIhidetwogr ownki dsfrom my
soont obehusband?Theychat tedani mat edly
aswewent .Theyweremor er elaxedt hant he
previ
oust imeIwaswi ththem.Itmighthav eto
dowitht hef actthatIspoketothem ondai l
y
basi
ssi ncet hen.Inthosetel
ephone
conversationsIfoundoutt hatPrett
ywasaway
alotshehadt woi nter
nati
onalfl
ightsamont h,
oneregi onalandal otofdomest i
ctri
ps.Onher
daysof fsheusual lyvi
sit
edwhatNozi assumed
washerboy fri
end.Mostoft hetimet heywere
ontheirown.
Weboughtt het hingsZanoneededandt hen
some.Af terani niti
al r
eluctanceandIt oldt hem
i
tmademehappyt ospoi l
them.Theywent
crazy.Sneaker s,jeansandal lsortsofclothes.
Stayingathomehadal lowedmet ohavea
subst anti
al amountonmysav ings.Mymot her
withal lherfaul t
sdi dn’taskf ormoney .She
refusedmypor tiont ocont r
ibute.SoIsav edmy
money .Ther ewasn’ tmuchel set ospendon.
Spendi ngont het wot rulygav emeasenseof
purpose.Li keIwasdoi ngsomet hingri
ghtf or
once.

“Whatarey ougoingtotell
Pr ett
ywhenshe
asksaboutt heclot
hes?”Iaskedaswemade
ourwayt oar est
aurantoftheirchoice,l
aden
withshoppingbags.Zanohadt oldushe
googledtheirmenu.Iwashappyt oseet hathe
wast aki
nginiti
ati
veaboutthingslikethat.

“
Wewon’
tweart
hem whenshei
sar
ound.
”

“Shewon’
tcare.
”Zanomumbl
edaswewer
e
enter
ingt
herest
aurant
.

“
Howi sshetowar
dsyou?Rememberwhatever
yousaystay
sbetweenus.
”Iaskedoncewe
wereseat
ed.
“Sheusedtobef un.Ir
ememberwhenLuliwas
sti
ll
around,Icoul
deasilyt
alkt
oher.Nowsheis
busy.Idon’
tblameherthough.
”Nozisai
d.Zano
wasgluedonhi sphone.

“
Whydoy
ousayt
hat
?”

“Whowant stobesaddledwithsomeone’ skids

atherage?Shehadnochoi cebutt ohelpLuli
butgi
v enachoi
ceshewoul dn’thavedonein.
Wear eaburdentoherbutshedoesn’ ti
llt
reat
usorabuseus.Sheisjusti
ndifferent
.”

“
Okay
,Iheary
ou.Youguy
sar
eokayt
hough?
”

Nozinodded,“
Weare.Imeanotherki
dshavei
t
worse.Shelet
susdoourthi
ng.Weareusedto
bei
ngonourownsoi t’
snotatrai
nsmash.And
wet r
yandmakeherl i
feeasy.”Myhear tbr
oke
all
ov er.Theset wohadbeendeal tsuchan
unfai
rbl owinl i
feti
meagai nanditlef
tthem
withlit
tleexpectati
ons.Isworetomy selft
hatI
woulddoal lIcantomakesur ethattheygot
whatt heytrulydeserv
ed.Toseet heymat t
ered.
Theywer eseen.Ifel
tahandsqueezemi neon
thetable.

“
Arey
ouokay
?”Zanoasked.Ismi
l
ed.

“
I’
mfi
ne.
”Hef
rowned.

“
Youar
ecr
ying?
”hesai
d.

Iputahandonmycheekanditcamebackwet .
“Oh.Idi
dn’
treal
i
se.I
’
mjusthappythatweare
hereandyouguysar
ehappywithy
ourclot
hes.”
“Youareweird.
”Heshookhi shead.Ourf ood
arr
ivedthensavingmef rom anyfurtherscrut
iny
.
Zanowasf ocusedwhenheat esot herewasno
chanceofhav i
nghim conti
nuinghisquest i
ons.
IengagedNozi i
nlightconversat
ionunt i
lwe
weredone.

“ThereissomethingIneedtotel
lyouguys.
”
Theybot hl
ookedatme, thei
reyeswary.What
didtheyexpectIwasgoingtosay?“I’
m get
ti
ng
marriedovertheweekend.I’
m sor
ryZanoI’
ll
missy ourt
ryouts.”

“
Nopr
obl
em.I
’
llsendy
out
hev
ideos.
”Hesai
d.

“
Iknowy oursi
sterwant
stogowat
chy
ou.
”
Nozinodded.
“Sorr
ywecan’ tattendyourwedding.
”Shesai
d.
Iwasr eli
evedt hatIdidn’thavet
omake
excusesaboutnoti nvit
ingthem.Oncet
hebil
l
waspai d,Itookt hem home.

Twoy
ear
slat
er.
..
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er12
Itakeal ongdeepbr eathwi t
hmyey esclosed
andheadt ippedback, l
etti
ngt hesunwar m my
face.ItfeelsdifferentwhenI ’
m st andingont he
othersideoft hef ence.Thepr isonwal l
sbehi nd
me.I ’
veal waysknownt hisdaywoul dcome.
Foury earst womont hs, t
hreeday s, sixhour s.I
forgettheseconds; I
’dlosttrackoft hattime
whenI ’dsati nthehol dingcel l
sbackt hen.The
boxi nmyhandi sget ti
ngheav ier.Mybooksar e
theonl ythingsI’mt akinghomewi t hme.Home.
Wher eist hat?Whatdoesi tlooklike?Thesear e
questionsIpl ant ohav eanswer st osoon.I
openmyey esatt hesoundofscr eechi ngt i
res.
Awhi teToy ot
aYar i
sispar kedbef oreme.Just
asI ’
m aboutt owal kawayt hewi ndowr ol
ls
down.
“Let’
sgety ouhoment wana. ”Thabosay s
l
eani ngov erMusa, whoi ssi tti
ngt i
mi dlyi nt he
passengerseat .Hehasal way sbeenshy .
Optingt okeepqui etuntilhehadsomet hingt o
say.Andwhenhespokey oul istened.Ican’ t
helpt hesmi let hatbreakonmyf ace.LastIsaw
Thabowasal mostay earago, well exceptf or
thefewv isit
shepai dme.Hewast heonl yoneI
all
owedv isitsfrom.Inev erwant edNozi and
Zanot oseemei nt hi
spl ace.Musawas
rel
easedl asty ear.Seeingt hem t oget hert el
ls
met hatt heyr econnect edont heout side, i
twas
i
nev i
tablet hough.Thei rrelationshi pont he
i
nsidehadbeent hatoft hepr otect orand
protectee.BecauseThabof eltsopr otect iveof
Musat hatmademepr otect i
veofhi m.Theguy
hadbeent oosof t,hissmal lstatuewasl ikea
neonsi gnt oal ltheper verts.Per v ertswho
real
isedear l
yenought hatt heycoul dn’ tmess
withThaboormy self
.Iwasf ortunat eenought o
betransf erredt ot hesamepr isonThabowasi n.
Ipl
acetheboxnextt omeandcl osethedoor
.
Thaboturnsaroundandl ooksatme, hi
seyes
i
ntense.Hishairiscuti
nashor tfadeandthe
beardhe’
dspor tedonthei nsi
dei str
immed
short
.Heisbulkier,musclesbulginginthesl
i
m
fi
tt
ingshir
thehason.

“What?Whyareyoul
ookingatmel
iket
hat
?”I
askbecausehei
sscrut
inisi
ngmyf
ace.

“I
’mtryingt ofi
gureoutwhatyouneedt hemost,
afuckoragr eatmeal.
”Hesquintshiseyesand
IhearMusagi ggli
ngfr
om thepassengerseat
.I
l
ovemyf r
iend,buthecanbeannoyingl
y
i
mpul sive.Oncehehasani deainhisheadhe
doesn’tletgo.

“Agreatmeal
wil
lbeappr
eci
ated.
”Isay
,
spr
eadingmyarmsagai
nstt
heseat.Heshakes
hisheadatmeasi
fIj
ustsai
dthest
upi
dest
thi
ng.

“It
hinkbot
h.”Het
urnsar
oundst
art
ingt
he
engine.

“Dude, Ijustgotoutandjustincasey ou’ve

forgotten,Idon’thaveagir
lfr
iendwai t
ingfor
me. ”Asf arasIknowIdon’ t,
ev enthoughPr et
ty
l
ikest opr et
endwhenIcal lher,wewer estil
lan
i
tem andshecan’ twaitf
ormet ogetback
home.Iknowbet ter
.Shehasn’tbeensi t
ti
ng
aroundwai t
ingformeandIdi dn’texpectherto.
“Youhav
ealottol
ear
nMK.Youdon’
tneedt
o
datet
ogetl
aid.
”

“
I’
m notbuyi
ngahookerTman.”Hegl
ancesat
methrought
herear
-vi
ewmirr
or.
“Ihaveagi ftforyou.Pleasedon’tinsultmeby
sayingno. ”Ionlyshakemyheadandt urnto
l
ookt hrought hewi ndow.It’
samazi nghow
manyt hingshav echangedandy etsome
remaint hesame.Al otofdev el
opment shave
beenbui ltinwhatusedt obeempt yland.There
i
smor etraffi
cori sbecauseIhav en’tbeenon
theroadi nov erfouryears?Peopleseem t obe
busierast heymi ll
aroundt hestr
eets.Walking
withpurpose.

“Ineedtoseethekids.”Isayaft
eraf ew
minutesofsil
ence.“Didyoutel
lthem Iwas
comingout?”Ihadn’tspokentothem inov er
twoweeks.Ididn’twanttogettheirhopesup
aboutmecomi ngouti ncasesomet hing
happenedtohampert hoseplans.I’
veseen
peoplegeti
nvolvedinfight
sjustbeforetheir
rel
easedates.
Thaboshakeshishead.Sincehe’sbeenout,he
vi
sit
edwiththem andgavet hem money.They
sti
l
lli
vewithPret
tybecauseThabohadn’ t
gott
enastableplaceyet
.ButIwasmor e
comfort
edthathe’dbeenaroundt okeepaneye
onthem.

“Ididn’
ttell t
hem.Iwant edittobeasur prise.
Zanowi l
l got or ugbypr acticeaf terschool .He
hasamat chonSunday .Under17r egi onal
games.Nozi wentt osomehai rwor kshop.She
shouldbebacki ntimef orZano’ sgame.She
tri
esnott omi ssthegames.Hersal onkeeps
herbusy .
”Mychestpuf fsupwi thpr ideatwhat
myl it
tl
esi sterhasbeenabl etodo.Ihadf ought
againsthernotat tendinguni versit ybecause
Sisonkehadbeenwi l
li
ngt opay .She’ dtoldme,
shewast i
r edofpeopl eal way st aki ngcar eof
us.She’sal readyest ablishedacl ient el
eand
waswi ll
ingt ost udybusi nesspar tt ime.I
couldn’targuewi t
ht hat.Onet hi
ngIr ealised
whileinside, t
heconv entional waysdi dn’t
favourus, thereforewehav et otakemat ter
si n
ourownhandsandmaket hingshappens.
Hence, Ididn’tjustgetadegr eeinfinanceIdi d
alotofshor tcoursesondi fferentprogr ams
andski ll
s.Ihadal lthet ime.Ourgov ernment
doest hemostf oritsi ncarcerated.Ther ear e
mor eoppor t
uniti
esont hei nsidethant heyar e
ont heout side.Thabogl ancesupatme.“ Prett
y
i
sonani nternati
onal tri
p.”Idon’ tneedupdat es
onPr etty.Ialway smadeaconsci ousef fortnot
toaskf orher .Thabogl ancesatmeagai n.Our
eyescl ashi nthemi rror.Hisar eguar ded.
“Si
sonkemi ghtbeatt hegame.Sheat t
ends
mostoft hegames. ”Fuckme!

“
Whyareyout el
li
ngmethis?
”Ifigur
edshe
woul
dbecauseIknewshewasheav il
yinvol
ved
i
ntheki
ds’l
ives.Somet
hingI’
ll
beeternal
l
y
grateful f
or .Nozi braggedaboutherenough
thatmyearwoul dal mostbl eedaf terev ery
conv ersation.Unt ilIdemandedshest opped
updat ingmeaboutSonkeunl essi twas
somet hi
ngt hatdi rectlyinv olvedt hem.Iam
angryatherandIdon’ tev enknowi fmyanger
i
sl ogicalorj ust ifi
ed.I tjustis.If eel l
ikej ustli
ke
mostpeopl ei nlife,shechosemoneyov erme.
AsIsai dmyangeri sn’tlogi cal.It’
snotl i
kewe
wer eev erani tem butev en,sot hebet rayal
feelslikeaci di nmymout h.Ihat eherandher
snobbi shhusband.Thesonofabi tchIst rongly
suspecthadahandi nmydemi seev ent houghI
don’thav epr oof .ButIknowi twashi m.He
mighthav ef ool edev eryonebywai tingov era
yeart ohav et heso- calledt enderdeal s.The
copsnev erbot her edt oinv estigatef urtheraf ter
theyhadt hei rmant oblamet hehei ston.But
histimewi llcome.I fit’
st helastt hingIdo.The
paint hatshoot st hroughmyar mshasme
unclenchi ngmyf i
stsandwat chingt hescener y
cal
msmyer
rat
ichear
tbeat
.

Thabodr i
v esust hrought hebusyst r
eetsofthe
cityunt i
l t
het r
aff
iclessensandwear eina
quiet ernei ghbourhood.Idon’ tev enknowwher e
I’
m goi ng.Iassumedhe’ l
lbet akingmet ohis
placewher everthati s.Whenhest opsina
visitorspar kinginf r
ontofsi mpl ex, Ipeer
throught hewi ndowandseesi mi l
arcluster
s
l
iningt heal mostdeser t
edst r
eet .Howcan
Thaboaf f ordapl acel ikethis?Ormay bewear e
droppi ngMusaof f.Iknowhecomesf rom a
wel l
-offfami l
y.Hisf atherawel l-
known
busi nessman.Whoownst axi
sandbuses.
Somet hingweonl yfoundoutaf terThabowas
released.Iwat chasThabocl i
mbsoutoft he
carwhi l
eMusar emai ns.Gluedonhi sphone.
Theshar pr apont hewi ndowhasmepushi ng
thedooropenandget t i
ngout.Idoaqui ckscan
oft hear eawhi l
ehol di ngont ot hedoor .
“Comeon, graby ourt hings.”Thabogest uresto
mybox.Ipi ckitupandf oll
owhi mt ot he
entrance.Heusest heowner s’entrancewher e
heswi pesacar dandt hegat eslidesopen.I
l
ookatt hesecur it
ywhoonl ylooksatusbr iefl
y
andr eturnstowat chi ngt hemoni tors.Iexpect
someonet ot ell
uswear etrespassi ngwhen
thatdoesn’ thappen, Itryandkeepupwi th
Thabo’sst ri
des.Hel eadsmet othel astunit,
andIwat chhi m unlockingt hedoorandgoi ng
i
nside.

“
OkayTman,
star
ttal
ki
ng.Whosepl
acei
sthi
s?”

“I
t’
syours.”Hehashisbackt
ome, sohe
doesn’
tseet hei
ncr
edulousl
ookonmyf ace.
“Well
,forayeart
hough.”Hetur
nst
ol ookatme.

“
Idon’
tunder
stand.It
houghtIwasgoi
ngt
o
staywi
thy
ou.
”Atl
eastunt
ilIf
igur
esomet
hing
out.

“Well
,youmightsoon.Ihaveasimilarsetup
andmyt imeisalmostup.”Ipl
acetheheav y
boxont heki
tchencounterandfol
dmyar msI
real
l
yneedanexpl anat
ion.

“Thabo,
Ican’
tbei
nvol
vedinanyshadydeal
i
ngs.
Whathaveyougotusi
nto?
”heshakeshishead
atme.

“
Musty
oual
way
sthi
nksol
owofme?
”

“
Thabo!
”

“
Fine.Theuni
tsbel
ongt
oMusa'
sfat
her
.He
usuall
yrentsthem out,buthehasall
owedust o
usethem foray ear.Togiveusti
met ogeton
ourfeet.Here.
”Hegi vesmeabankcar dwith
mynameoni t
.Igrabitandlookatit
.Mybrows
kni
tti
ngi nconfusi
on.“Thereis100kint
here.
Yourstodoasy ouplease.
”

“
WhywouldMusa’sfatherdot
hisforus.The
manhar
dlyknowsus.”Thaboshrugs.

“Iaskedthesamethi
ng.Het oldmehewas
payingusbackforl
ookingafterhi
ssonwhil
e
wewer einsi
de.Pl
us,hehatesowingpeopl
e.So,
thi
si shi
swayofsett
lingwhathisseesadebt.
”

“
Hepay
susf
orbei
ngdecenthumanbei
ng?
”

“
MK,
taket
hisgi
ftandr
unwi
thi
t.Thi
sisour
freshstartandIhav eplansforus.It
’stimeyou
putallthatfancyeducat i
ontogooduse. ”His
ri
ngingphonei nterr
uptsmyr esponse.Ihave
plansofmyown.Leadi ngli
feandowni ngiti
n
myt erms.“Eita,areyououtside?I’
l
lber i
ght
there.
”Hehangsupandl ooksatme.“ Al ady
fri
endofmi nei scomi nghere.Sheisgoingto
spendt heweekendwi thyou.Becool."

“
Fuckof
fThabo!Idon’
tneedyout
oor
gani
se
womenforme.BruhI’
m good.
”

“
Youkindofdo.Youneedtocl
eanthestenchof
j
ail
;your
eekofit
.”Hefakesashudder
.

“Don’
tletheri
nhereThabo.It
oldy
ouIdon’
t
needapr ost
it
ute!
”
“GeesMK.Shei snotapr osti
tut
e.”WhenIopen
mymout haboutt oarguehecutsmeof f.“She
i
sanescor t.Youdon’ thavetosleepwit
hher .
She’l
lkeepy oucompanyt heenti
reweekend.
Talk,
don’ttalk.Lethercookfory ou,
whatever
.
Theweekendi salr
eadypai dfor
.”

“
Ican’
tdot
hisman.Ihav
ethi
ngst
odo!
”

“Li
kewhat
?Look,
ifshedoesn’tst
ay,t
henItake
backt
hemoneyIalr
eadypaid.Shecoulduse
themoney
.”

“Wow, youareguil
ttri
ppingme? ”Justthen
voicescomef r
om outside.Befor eIcanev en
formulateasentence,Musawal ksinfoll
owed
byast unni
ngwomanandmyj awdr opst othe
fl
oor.Shehasont heshor t
estshor tsthatare
almostconcealedbytheov ersizedgraphict-
shi
rtsheisweari
ngandsneaker
s.Herl
egs
seem togoonforev
er.

“Shewasget t
ingimpati
entwai
ti
ngoutsi
de.”
Musaexplaineventhoughnooneasked.Asfor
memyent i
rebodyhascomealiveatt
hesight
ofher.Herfl
awlessli
ghtski
nseemstoglowor
i
si tmakeup,Idon’
tknow.Shei
sjustf
reaki
ng
beauti
ful
.

“Ineedthelooquickl
y.
”Shecrossesherlegs,
hervoiceurgentandyetsoot
hinganditshoot
s
strai
ghttomygr oi
n.Thabopoint
shertowards
thebathroom whil
eIgawkafterher
.

“Youcanpi
ckupyourj
awnow.”Thabosnaps
meoutofmylusti
nducedcoma.“
So,shoul
dI
sendheraway
?”
“Hel
lno!”Ibl
urtoutandt
heybot
hgi
veme
knowingsmil
es.

“Therearecondomsi nt
hebedr oom,fri
dgeis
full
ystocked.I’
llseey ouonMonday .
”Heslaps
meont heshoulderandt heybot hwalkout
l
eav i
ngmest andingawkwar dlyi nthecent
reof
thekitchen.WhenIheart het oiletfl
ush,my
heartisbeatinghar dagainstmyr i
bs.Ihol
dmy
breathatthesoundofherappr oachi
ng
footst
eps.Ilist
eni ntent
lyunt i
l shecomest o
view.Shest andsint heli
vingr oom wat chi
ngme
asIwat chher .

“YoumustbeMkhul
uli
.Thabohast
oldme
abouty
ou.”

“
Ijustgotoutofj
ail
.”Ir
ushoutsur
pri
sedt
hat
myt onguest
il
lworks.
“
Iknow.”Shesmil
es,hersmi
l
ehasmebl i
nki
ng.
Whatthehell
doesshewanttheni
fsheknows
wher
eI ’
mfrom?

“
CanIhav
eagl
assofwat
erpl
ease.
”

“Ohy es.Ishoul d’
v eoffered.
”Isay ,hur ryi
ng
towar dsthecabi nets.Itakeoutagl assand
pourt apwat erforher .Ourfingersbr ushasshe
takest heglassf rom me.Thesl i
ghtcont act
l
eav esmet rembling.Okay ,Iunder standi t’
s
beenawhi lesinceIhadsexwi t
hanot her
humanbei ng, l
etaloneseei ngsomuchsof t
fl
eshondi splaybutI ’
vebeenusi ngmyhandt o
takecar eofmyneeds.Ishoul dn’tber agingli
ke
ateenagerwi thli
bidooutofcont rol.Iwat chher
l
ipsmakecont actwi t
ht heglassandIwonderi f
theytasteassweetast heylook.Ineedt ogeta
grip.Iwalkawayf rom hersi t
ti
ngont hecouch
farfr
om her .Ineedt oputsomedi stance
betweenusbef or eIjumpher .Mymi ndis
fi
ghti
ngt heact ion, convi
ncedt hisisour
opportunitytoliveoutal ltheposi t
ionswe’d
beenwat chingf rom di f
ferentpornsi t
esforthe
pastfoury ears.“Youdon’ thavetodot his.I
won’ttel
l Thaboi fy oudon’ t
.Keept hemoney
andwear egood. ”It ryandl etheroffthehook
eventhoughmydi ckprotest sagai
nstsucha
gall
antandst upi dbehav iour.

“Iact
uall
ydon’tmind.Youarekindofhot.”She
saysplaci
ngtheglassonthecof f
eetableand
saunter
ingtowardsme.Onceshei sstanding
befor
eme, shetakesoffhert-
shir
tandrev eal
herbral
esstit
ti
esandI ’
m agoner.

Thesoundofmynamebeingcal
l
edf r
om
somewherei
nthehousehasmetry
ingtol
i
ft
myheadcl earingthef ogofsl eep.Thewar m
nakedbodyt hatiscur vedagai nstmyback
shift
scloser ,herhandswr appedar oundme,
ti
ght.Hernamei sHope, sheisa3r dy ear
studentatWi ts.Shei sput ti
ngher sel fthrough
universi
tyasshewor ksf oranescor tagency .
Themoneyshemakesasanescor tisn’ t
enoughbecauseahugechunkofi tgoest othe
owneroft heest ablishment .It
’sther easonshe
takessidej obsl ikeshedi dwithme.Shedoes
thi
sonl ypeopl ereferredbysomeoneshe
knowsandt rusts.Andshet r
ustsThabowi th
herlif
e.Thi sisj ustt i
pofwhatweshar et he
entir
eweekend.Wet alked,confidedi neach
otheraboutt hingst hatwewoul dn’tnor mal ly
voiceout .Wel latleastonmysi de.Andt hesex,
af r
eakingt sunami ofsex.Ther eisn’tacor ner
ofthishouset hatwedi dn’
tchristen.Shedi d
thi
ngst omet hatleftmebl ushingandmydi ck
feeli
ngr aw.
“
Areyoutwodecent
?”Ient
angl
emy sel
ffr
om
Hope’
sir
ongri
patthenear
ingvoi
ceofThabo.

“I’
ll
ber ightout !”Isayl ooki ngwi ldlyaround
from myboxershor ts.Ican’ tev enr emember
wher elastIwor et hem t hisweekend.I ’
v espent
maj ori
tyofi twal kingar oundnakedbecauset he
sightofmyr i
ppedbodyt urnedHope’ slady
partsintoliquidherwor dsnotmi ne.Ireali
se
thatmyboxer sar en’tint hisroom, soIopent he
drawerf orthef r
eshones.Thabonotonl y
stockedt heki tchenbutt hewar dr obetoowi t
h
necessar yclothi ngitems.OnceI ’
m decentI
walkoutt ofindThabosi t t
ingint hekitchenon
thehighchai rchewi nganappl e.Hegi vesmea
shiteatinggr inthemomentheseesme.

“
Now, y
oulookli
keasati
sfi
edman.Yourbrai
n
i
sreadytofunct
ion.
”Henods,
pleasedwi
th
hi
msel
f.I
’
m ashamedt
oadmi
tri
ght
.

“
Fuckof
f!
”

“Isthatawaytospeakt oagoodfri
endwho
madesur ethatyourbal
lswerenourishedand
revit
ali
sed!
”IshakemyheadasIopent he
fri
dgeandgetabot tl
eofcoldwater.“Theonl
y
thingIwanttohearfrom youi
sthanky ou
Thabo.Youar ethebest.
”

“Thankyou,Thabo.Youaret
hebest.
”Imimic
him.Helaughs.“Youareenj
oyi
ngyoursel
f,
aren’
tyou?”

“Il
ovecorrupti
ngy
ou.Youcanbeabitupti
ght
.
Justthen,
y ouwer
egoingt
ogoseePr et
tyand
becauseshewould’
vebeenthef
ir
stwomant o
hooveryourball
s,youwouldhavef all
enhead
overheel
si nl
ovewi t
hher.Nowt hatI’
vedone
youthi
shugef avour.Wheny ouseeher ,
itwil
l
bewithclearmindandnoty ourragingli
bido!
”

“
Wow,
your
eal
l
ygav
ethi
sal
otoft
hought
.”

“Icareaboutyou;
youaremybestfri
end, andI
don’twanttoseeyouhurtagai
n.Iwi
llalways
protectyou.
”Myey esst
ingathi
spassionate
speech.

“Thankyou.Iappreci
ateit
.”Icl
earmythroat
.
Shakingofft
heemot ionsthatt
hreat
ento
overwhel
m me.“ Now, whyareyouherso
earl
y?”

“
Now,
it’
sti
mey
ouwer
ereuni
tedwi
thy
our
famil
ynj
ayam.Goshowerandgetdr
essed,
we
haveagametogoto.
”

(
Pleaseshar
e,l
i
keandcomment
)

Booksav
ail
abl
efr
om al
lmaj
orbookst
ores
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er13

Itri
edt obeasqui etasIcoul dasImov ed
aroundt her oom whi l
eget ti
ngdr essed.
Avoidingspeaki ngt oLucasaboutwher eIwas
goingwasmynumberonepr iori
ty .I’
dbeen
doingt hi
stipt oeingdancef ort hepasty earand
halfsincewe’ dbeenmar ri
ed.If eltsomehow,
hecoul dseet hroughmyl i
esandexcuses, but
henev erquest i
onedmeorcal ledmeouton
them.Somay behedi dn’tknowIwasl yi
ng.My
bodywascoi ledinner v ousener gy ,notabout
LucasbutZano.Todaywast hebi gdayf or
them.They ’dbeenwor kinghar df orthis.Ifthey
madei tt
ot henat ionalstheni tgav etheplayers
betteroppor tunitiestobenot icedby
professional clubs.Zanol ovedr ugbyandl ived
f
ori
t.Iwasjusthumbl
edtobepar
tofhi
s
j
our
neybecausetheboyexcel
l
edatt
hespor
t.

“Areyouwear i
ngt hose?”Themuf fl
edv oice
camef rom t
hebedandIt ur
nedtofindLucas
watchingmewi t
hhisr eddenedeyes.Ididn’t
expecthimtobeupsi ncehecamebackhome
earl
yhoursoft hemor ningfrom aboysni ght
out.

“Yes,what ’
swr ongwi thit
?”Icheckedmy
refl
ectioninthemi rror
.Iwaswear i
ngshor t
s.
Yest heywer eshor t
,butIdidn’
tt hi
nktheywer e
bad.I’dwor kedhar dtomai nt
ainmybody .I
t
wasn’ twhereIwant edi tt
obe.I twashar d
keepingcar bsoutofone’ sdiet.Accordingto
me, carbswer eamongstt hegreatestwonders
ofthewor ldbutt henasmymot hertol
dme
repeatedlyfrom ay oungage, t
heyst ayeda
l
i
fet
imeont
hehi
ps.Andf
orawhi
l
etheydi
d.

“Not hing.”Hesai d.ButIwasn’ tconv i

nced
becausenowhe’ dplantedt heseedofdoubt .
Lucasdr essedi mpeccabl e,somet imesIf elt
l
ikeanugl yauntnextt ohi m.Iwentbackt othe
closetandpul l
edoutl ongbl ackjeansi nstead.
Theywer eslimf i
tti
ngandmademel ook
sli
mmer .Ireall
yneededt ogosoonceIf i
xed
mymake- upandweav eIwasonmyway .Iwas
stil
lnotusedt othemake- upandweav esbutI
l
ear nedear l
yenoughi nourmar ri
agei magewas
every thi
ng.Iat tendedmor ebusinessl unches
anddi nnersthanIdi dwi thmyownj ob.Lucas
tookpr i
dei nshowi ngmeof fashi swi fe.“Will
youbebacki ntimef orlunchaty ourmom’ s?”
heaskedj ustasIr eachedt hedoor .Isighed.
Leav inghomewast hebestt hingI’dev erdone; I
didn’tknowwhyIwai tedtobemar r
iedt odo
that.Butsomehol dscan’ tbeexpl ained.West i
ll
metev erySundayf orl
unchandshemel lowed
outont henegat i
vecomment s.Sheseemed
sati
sfiedwi t
hhowIkeptmy self,
impressedby
theglammed- upversi
onofme.Theonl ythi
ng
shedidn’tletmel i
vedownwasmyi nabil
it
yto
conceive.We’ dbeentryi
ngsincewegot
marri
edandnot hinghasbeenhappeni ng.
Doctorscoul dfi
ndnothingwr ongwithbothof
us.Iguessi twouldhappennat ural
l
ybut ,i
nthe
meant ime,Iwasswi mmi ngi
napool ofshame.
Icouldn’tevengetthesimplestnaturalt
hing,
ri
ght.

“
Yes.I
’l
lmeety
out
her
ethough.
”It
urnedt
o
l
eave.

“What
?Noki
ss?”Icametoahaltandhur
ri
ed
backt
ohi
m,giv
inghim asof
tki
ss.
“
Sor
ry,
I’
mlat
e.”Imumbl
edagai
nsthi
m.

“Thechi l
drenatthehomecanwai tmyl ov
ely
saint
.”I’
dspunt hetal
eaboutfeedingthe
homel esskidsattheshel
ter
.Ididthatbutit
wasn’tonSunday s.

“
Ihavetogobabe.
”Isai
ddi
sint
egr
ati
ngmy
sel
f
f
rom hi
shol
d.

“Wehav en’thadsexi nov eraweekSi sonke.”I

sighed.Lucas’ sappetitewasi nsati
able.Ithad
onl ybeent woday s,butIneededt or ecover
becausesomet i
mesi tgotr eal
lypainful
especi allyifIdidn’
tlubricat
ebef oretheact .I
’d
realisedl ongagot hatIwasoneoft hosewho
didn’tr eall
yenjoysexandnev ergotthehy pe
ov erit.Tomei tseemedt obeachor ethatonly
hadoneper sonsati
sfied.Icouldn’tevenwat ch
pornbecausewow, Icri
ngedev eryt i
me.
Koketsohadoncesuggest edImast urbat
e
whenI ’
dconfi
dedi nheraboutmyl ackof
orgasm.Icouldn’
tev enlookatt hescr een
withoutgaggi
ng.SoIl i
edt ohert henexttime
wespokeandt ol
dherI ’
dfinal
lyr eachedthe
pi
nnacle.

“I’
l
l makei tupt onight,”Isai dwal ki
ngaway .I
satbehi ndthewheel anddi dmyusual
breat hingexerci ses.OnceIf eltcalm Ist art
ed
theengi neanddr oveout .Myspeednev erwent
overa100km/ h.Iwast heext racaut iousdr iv
er
thatdr oveothermot oristsinsane.Atl eastthe
sweat inghadsubsi dedov erthey ears.Theonl y
thi
ngl eftwast hebal l ofwei ghtthatal way s
settledi nmygutev eryt i
meIgotbehi ndt he
wheel .Ifi
rstdrov etof etchNozi .Zanowoul d’v
e
l
ef tear li
erwithhi scoach.Ipar kedi nf rontof
theirapar tmentbui l
dingandsenthera
messaget oletherknowIwasout side.I
watchedasshewal kedoutoft hebui l
dingwi t
h
theshortestshor t
s,shirtt
hatwasof ftheone
shoulderandsneaker s.Nozihadgr owni ntoan
i
ncredibl
ebeaut i
fulyounglady.Shedi dn’tneed
todoany thingelsetoenhanceherbeaut y,her
fl
awlessgl owingskinwast heenvyofmany .
Herwi l
dhai rsty
leswer esooutsidemycomf ort
zonebutsui tedhert othecore.Sheof t
engot
newcl i
entsj ustbyseeingthedar i
nghai rstyl
es
shedidonherownhai r
.Thecur r
enthai rst
yle
wasabl ondweav et hatwascutint oabob.I
assumedi twasal acewi gbecauseheredges
wereonf leek.

“HeySonke.”Shegreetedexcit
edlyasshe
bouncedintheseat.Herpetit
ebodywas
alwayspackedwithexcit
edener gy.“
Ithought
wewer ewearingshort
st oday.
”Shesai dasshe
fast
enedtheseatbelt
.
“Thatwast hepl
an.ButIjustdidn’tfeel
comf ortabl
einthem onceIhadt hem on.”We
somet imeswentonshoppi ngspr eestogether
andshel i
kedspici
ngupmywar drobe,sayi
ngI
hadabangi ngbodyandIneededt oshowitoff.
Ididn’tthi
nkIdidbutIplacatedherandal l
owed
hertochoosei temsf orme.Theshor tswere
theplannedout fi
tfortheday.

“Ohcomeon, youlookedperfectinthosewhen
yout r
iedthem on.”Shefrownedatme.Asi f
seeingdeeperthanany oneelse.Otherthanher
olderbrotherofcourse.Hewast heonewho
usedt olookatmet hatwayandl eftmef eel
i
ng
rawandexposed.

“Iknowdarli
ng,butyouknowIgetself
conscioussometimes.”Ishr
ugged.Hopi
ng
she’ddropthesubject
.
“Wewi ll
cont i
nuet owor kont hat.
”Shel ooked
atme, hereyeski nd.Istartedt hecarandpul l
ed
i
ntot heroad.“Thaboi scomi ngtot hegame. ”
Shesoundedgi ddy.Isuspect edshehada
crushonThabo.Idi dn’tblameher ;t
heguywas
hot.ButThaboseemedt otreatherl i
keal it
tle
si
ster.Hewascl oserwi t
hZano, andav oided
Nozi’
sadv ancesatev eryturn.Thatdi dn’tstop
hi
m Teasi nghermostoft het i
meandcal l
i
ng
hershorty,somet hi
ngwhi chr i
ledNozi upt o
end.
“Zanotol
dme.Hewasexci t
edaboutit
.
Apparentl
yheaskedhimtotakev
ideosfor
Mkhululi
.”Nozi
sighed.

“Idon’
tknowwhyLuliwon’tletusvisi
thi
m.I
misshim somuch.”Hervoiceshook.“Imight
haveforgot
tenwhathelookslike.
”She
exaggerat
edever
ythi
ng.
“
Youonl
yneedt
olookatZanobabes.
”

“Sti
l
l.Ihatehi
mf orbl
ocki
ngusof
f.Thecal
l
s
arejustnotenough.
”

“
Youdon’
that
ehi
m.”

“Iknow.Iwonderi
fthetr
uthwi
l
levercomeout
aboutthepersont
hatfr
amedhim.
”

“Doyout hi
nkhewasf ramed?”Iasked.Iof t
en
wonderedifmay behehadbeenbutwho
would’
vedonesuchat hi
ng.Mkhululi
nev erhurt
anyone.Ial
waysf el
tli
kehewasj ustavictim of
pol
iceincompetence.

“
Iknowhedi
dn’
tdoi
t.Howel
sedoy
ouexpl
ain
i
t?Orhewasusedasaf
all
guy
.”Sheshr
ugged.
Wefi
ndtheboyswarni
ngupinthefi
eld,
butthe
momentZanoseesushebreaksof
fandj ogs
t
owardsus.

“Heysi s,”Iwatchedhi m ashehuggedhi ssi

ster
dwar fi
nghersmal lframe.“ Sonke,”hesai
dto
me.Env elopingmei nhi sarms.Hewassucha
l
ov el
yandopenki dwhowor ehisemotionson
hissleev e.Foramomentawhi lebackI’
d
wor r
iedabouthi m mi xingwi t
ht hewrongcrowd.
Themomenthej oinedt herugbyteam he
becamef ocusedanddi scipli
ned.

“
Hell
okiddo,”Ir
etur
nedt
heembr
ace.“
Arey
ou
r
eadyfortoday?
”

“
I’
mreadyf
ori
t.Wear
egoi
ngt
odemol
i
sh
them.”Hesmirked.“Igott
agobef orethecoach
complains.
”Hesaidasher et
urnedtohiswarm
upsession.Wetookourseat swiththeother
parentsfr
om oursidethatwerealreadyseat
ed.
Iknewaf ewofthem f r
om previ
ousgamesand
weev enhadbraaisfrom t
imet oti
met o
celebr
atetheboyswi n.

“
Doyouwantany t
hingt
oeat?”Noziaskedas
wesett
led.“Theyhaveahotdogst
andov er
t
her
e.”Myt ummyr umbled.
“I’
l
ljusthav
ewater
.”Shesighed.Andwent
towardsthehot
dogstand.Whensheretur
ned
shehadt wohot
dogscontainer
sandawat erf
or
me.
“
Here,
”shepassedmethefoodandmymout
h
wat
eredatt
hesmellofsaut
éedoni
on.
“Noz
i,youknowIcan’
teatthi
s.”Myt
ast
ebuds
complai
nedatthest
atement.
“Youcan.Youwor khar dtomai ntai
ny ourbody
andindulgingonceinawhi lewi ll
nothur ty ou.”I
tookatentativ
ebiteandbef oreIknew, Iwas
devouri
ngt heenti
ret hing.Af terawhi l
e, Ifought
theurgetogot othebat hroom.Iwoul dj ust
havetorunext rahardont het readmi ll
.The
gamehadst art
ed,andwewat chedast het wo
teamswenthead- to-head.Theywer ebot hgood
andIwasn’ tsureifwewoul dgetav i
ctorybut
ourboyswer edetermi ned.Ist r
uggl edwat ching
thesportthoughbecauset het acklinglef tmy
stomachqueasyandmyt eet hhur t
ing.Ther e
werebiggerboy sthanZano, buthehadspeed
onhisside.Hewasal way spr otectedbyhi s
teammat es.

“Ihat
et hi
spar
t.
”Noziechoedmyt
hought
sas
sheturnedtol
ookatme.
“Iknowr
ight
,mytummyi si
nknots!
”shelooked
pastmeandfrowned.“What?”t
hentear
s
formedi
nhereyes,herl
ipswobbli
ng.

“
Lul
i
,”shewhi
sper
ed.

“What ?”Iwasget tingwor ri

ed.Then, li
kea
speedofl i
ghtning, shej umpeddownt hechairs
running.It unedt owar dst hedirecti
onshewas
headingj ustint i
met oseeherj umpi ngint he
armsofat allerandbi ggerZanov ersion.Ididn’
t
knowhowshemanagedt ohav ehersel f
wrappedar oundMkhul uli
.Legsar oundhi s
waistandar msl ockedar oundhi sneck, he
stagger edatt heimpact .Myl egsledmedown
thest andsont heirownv olit
ion,kneesknocki ng
together .Myhear tthumpedhar dagai nstmy
chest.Thensuddenl yt herewascommot i
onon
thefieldwi thpeopl ecal l
ingaf t
erZanowho’ d
l
eftthef iel
drunning.Hecr ashedagai nsthis
brotherbot hsandwichingNozi .Itwasahear t
wrenchingspect acleastheirmuf f
ledsobs
carri
ed.WhenIl ookedupMkhul ulieyesclashed
withmi neov erNozi’
sshoul der.Tearfil
ledeyes
thatpiercedmyhear t
,mybodybegant rembling.
WhenIcoul dn’thol
dhisgazeIl ookedawayand
onlythenseei ngThabost andingbehi ndthem
watchingt hem hisheartinhisey es.

“
What ’
sgoi ngonhere?”Iwhirl
edaroundatt
he
i
rr
it
atedv oicecomingfrom behi
ndtofindt
he
i
mpatientcoachf r
owning.Theplayhadgoneto
acompletest andsti
l
l.Thetri
owasn’tmovedas
t
heyremai nedlockedinthei
rembrace.

“I
t’
st hei
rbr
other
,theyhav
en’
tseenhi
minfour
years.Coul
dyoupleasegi
vethem amoment
?”I
asked.
“IUnderstand,unfortunatelywecan’tmaan.
We’regoingt ohav etosubst i
tutehimifhe
doesn’tretur
nt othef i
eld.”It
urnedt ol
ookat
thethr
eeandMkhul uliwaspul l
ingapartwhil
e
thetwohel dont ohim asi fhe’ddisappear
.

“
It
’sokayZano.I
’m notgoingany
wher
e.”
Mkhul
ulisai
d,hi
svoicerough.

“Youpromise.
”Zano’ssmal
landwobblytone
tuggedatme.Hesoundedli
keay oungboyhe
oncewas.Mkhululi
cuppedhisf
ace.

“Ipr
omise.
”Ifel
tthepr omisetomybones.I
watchedasZanoapol ogisedtothecoachwhi le
wipi
nghistear
s.Nozi remainedgluedonher
brot
her’
sarm whil
eIst oodtheretransfi
xedby
him.Hisi
mposingpresenceandmagni fi
cent
bodyexudedauthori
tyandqui etconfidence.
Andal
loft
hatofcoursemadehi
m sexyashell
.
Thi
swasnottheyoungboyIr
emember ed.He
wasal
lman.

“Sonke.
”Myey esdartedtohisatt hesoundof
mynamef rom hisli
ps,Ididn’
trealisehe’d
mov ed,andhewasnowst andi
ngt oet otoe
withme.Myent ir
ebodyzappedl ikei twas
exposedinst ati
candy ethehadn’tev en
touchedme.Iwasawar eofhiminawayI ’
d
neverexperienced.

“
Mkhul
uli
.”I
tcameoutasawhi
sper
.

“Don’
tIgetahug.”Thenher ewardedmewi t
h
hisbri
l
li
antsmil
e.Wildhorsescouldn’thav
e
stoodachance.Iwrappedmyar msar oundhis
waist
,rest
ingmyheadonhi schest .Iwashome.
That’
stheonlywaytoexplainthewar mththat
seepedt hroughmeandwar medev erychil
led
cornerofmycor e.Itheal edt hehur tsIdidn’t
evenr eal
isedIev erexper ienced.I twarmed
everymol eculewi t
hinmeandt henspr ead
somemor e.Theear thshook, ohwai t,i
twasmy
bodyt rembl i
ng.ThenIwassni ffingbackt ears.
“Don’tcrybaby ,I
’m home. ”ThenIwasdone.I
wasbowl i
ngov er.Fort het i
met hathewas
robbedof .Forthel ovet hatnev erev entook
root.Whenhepul ledapar t,
Ifeltmybody
sway i
ng, l
osingbal ance.“ Let’
sgety ouseat ed.”
Hespoke.Hi sdeepv oi
cecausedhav ocwi t
h
mysenses.OnceIwassi tti
ng,Ir eal
isethatthe
gamehadr esumed, andThabosatnextt ome.

“HeySisonke.Icanseenoonei snot i
cingme
today.
”Forawhi l
eIhadt houghtofhim as
shadybutt henI
’dseenhowhet reat
edNozi and
Zanoliketheywerehisownsi bl
ings.Hewas
alr
ightinmybookev enthough;Icouldn’tget
hi
ssl
anghal
fthet
ime.

“Today,someoneel
set
akest
hecent
rest
age.
Askies.
”

“Nost r
essmama. ”Hesatbackand
concent r
atedont hegame.Il ookedonmysi de
andf oundMkhul uli
battl
ingtokeephi s
concent r
ati
onbet weenthebabbl ingNozi and
Zanoont hefield.Hissmi l
enev erlefthisface.I
couldn’thelpbuteav esdropint heirconvowhi l
e
Iwatchedt hegame.Zanopl ayedhar derthanI ’
d
everseen.Atsomepoi nthisbrotherst oodand
walkedt heside-li
nesashecheer edhi m on.I’d
neverseenasi ghtmor ebeaut i
ful.Ifel
tanar m
wrapar oundmi neandaheadr est i
ngonmy
shoulder.

“
Myf
ami
l
yisf
inal
l
ytoget
heragai
nSonke.
”Nozi
sighed.“
IfIcouldbottl
ewhatI’mfeel
ingright
nowi twouldri
valthesun.I’
m sohappy.”Just
thenherbrotherturnedandlookedather.His
smi l
eddidri
valthesun.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er14

AsIsi tbetweenNozi andZano, Ican’thel pthe

smi l
ethattugsatmyl ips.Betweent het woof
them Idon’tknowwher etolookorwhot oli
sten
to.They’vebeental
kingi ncessant l
yf orhours.It
seemsasi ft
heyaretry i
ngt ocram t hel astf
our
yearsintoonenight.I
t’sjustthet hreeofusnow.
SisonkeandThabol ef tusaloneaf tert hegame.
ItwaswhatweneededbecauseIcoul dn’tpay
anyoneel seatt
enti
onbutt hetwo.Wer etuned
tomypl ace,order
edlunchandt hendi nner.

“Ar
eyoulist
eni
ngLul i?
”Nozi asks,l
ooki
ngupat
me.Shelooksj
ustlikemom ev enherpet
it
e
bodyandhersoulf
ul eyes.Isqueezeher
shoul
derasshelaysherheadonmyshoul der
.
“Ofcourse,I
’
ml i
stening.Ij
ustcan’tgetover
howgr ownupy outwoar e.”Il
ookatZano
sit
ti
ngont heothersideofme.We’ vebeen
crammedi nthesamecoucht hewhol eday.I
getafeeli
ngtheymi ghtevenwantt osharea
bedwithmet hewayt heyarecl
ingi
ngont ome.

“Well
,youwould’
veknownt hathady ounot
bannedusfrom vi
sit
ingyou.”Ihearthe
chast
isementandhur ti
nNozi’svoi
ce.Ishi
ftso
thatI
’mfaci
ngherandl i
ftherchintofaceme.

“Idi
dn’
twanty outoseemei nthatplace.Itj
ust
brokemyhear tIcouldn’
tbewithy outoprotect
youandIhat edthelookoffearthatIsawi n
youreyes.”Atearescapesherey eandIwi peit
withmyt humb.Therehasbeenal otoftears
shedthroughouttheday,Idi
dn’tthinkIhad
more,
butIguessIwaswr
ongasIf
eel
myown
ey
essting.

“Iwasscaredf
oryouLuli
.Bei
nginthatpl
ace,
knowingyouarei
nnocentandther
ewas
nothi
ngwecoulddotoprovethat.
”Inod.

“Doyouhaveanyi
deawhodi di
t?”Zanoasks
andIrel
axbackonthecouch.

“NoIdon’tbutIplantof i
ndout .
”Ili
ebecauseI
don’twantthem i
nvolvedinthi s.Ifmy
suspici
onsarecorrectthiscoul daffectSi
sonke
tooandI’veseenhowcl oset heyar etoher.I
alsodon’twanttoseeherhur tbutIcan’tl
etthi
s
go.

“
Ihopey
oudo,
andIhopet
heypayf
orwhat
theydidtoy ou,tous,”Zanosay
s.Igr abthe
backofhisneckandsqueeze.Themat urityin
himistakingsomeget ti
ngusedto.“Ineed
mor ef
ood.Any oneisgonnahavethoser ibs?”
hepointsatt hetakeawayboxesont hetabl e.I
smileshakingmyhead.Somet hingsnev er
change.

“
Zano!St
opbei
ngapi
g.”Nozi
say
s.

“Ipl
ayrugby
,Ibur
ncalori
esfastandthat
meansIgethungr
yjustasfast
.”Nozi
r ol
l
sher
eyes.

“
Youwer
eapi
gbef
orer
ugby
.”

“
Hey
,don’
tcal
lyourbr
otherapi
g.”
Zanosmi rks“ Yes,don’tcallyourbr
otherapig.
”
Thent hebackandf ort
hbi ckeri
ngbetween
them continues.Ihavemi ssedseeingt hem
teasi
ngandt akingfri
endlyjibesateachother.

“Agh!Youar esuchachi ldZano.”Nozi get sup.

“I’
m goingt otakeaqui ckshowerandI ’
llcome
backwi thmyj ournalLuli.
”Shedi sappearst o
ther oom she’l
l beusing.I t
’sathree-bedroom
townhouset hatMusa’ sf atherhaslentmeand
I
’m happybecausei tcanaccommodat et he
threeofus.Iwi l
lofcour sehav etogett hem
offici
all
yfrom Pr ett
ywhensher etur
nsf rom her
wor ktri
p.

“So,
what’sgoingonwi thyoubesidesrugby?I
t
can’
tbeallthatyoudo.”Atseventeen,Zano
seemstotalkmor eaboutthesportthan
anyt
hingelse.I
’m notexperi
encedastowhat
teenagershisageshoulddo.AthisageIwas
worriedaboutwher eournextmealwouldcome
from.ButIwantbet terf
orthem.Iwantthem t
o
experiencet
heiryouthasmuchast heycan.I
t
saddensmet oseehowgr ownupNozi hadto
bebutatt hesamet imeI’minsanel
ypr
oudof
her.“Anygir
lfr
iends?”

“Orboyf
ri
end.
”Hesmi
rks.Myey
eswi
deni
n
shock.
“
Whoa,
arey
ou…?
”

“Rel
axbro,I’
m notgay
.Butbr o,youcan’tj
ust
assumeI’dfal
lforagi
rl.Thi
ngshav echanged.
Noster
eot y
pingofgenderrol
esandshi t.
”Ido
adoubl
et ake.Wherei
smyl it
tlebrother
?
“Okay
.Ihearyou.Thatdoesn’
tanswermy
quest
ionthough.
”
“
Gir
lsar
etooneedybr
o.Idon’
thav
ethet
ime.
”

“
Soy
ouar
en’
tdat
ingany
one?
”

“Idodatebutt
hentheybecomedemandingof
myt i
meandIspendmostt i
meei t
heri
n
pract
iceorst
udyi
ng.”Heshrugs.

“
I’
m pr
oudofy
oubabybr
other
.”

“
I’
m pr
oudofy
out
oo.
”Ican’
thi
demyshock.

“Me?Whatisther
etobepr oudof?”Het
urns
andlooksatme.Hisi
ntensestar
eseemst o
searmysoul.

“
Alot
.Iwat
chedy
ouwhenIwasy
ounger
,do
thebestyoucoul dtomakesur et hatwewer e
takencareof .Lul
i
,y ouneverev erletusdown.
AndIseey ounow, sti
llst
andingt all
anddi dn’
t
l
etwhathappeny oubr eakyou.Youar ethebest
brothereverandmyher otoo.Don’ teverforget
that.
”Mychestbur nsandmyt hroatwor ksto
swallowthelumpt hatiscloggedi nther
e.

“Yeah?”Icl
earmythroatandbr
inghimt
oahug.
“Thankyouforsayi
ngthat.
”Heholdsmeti
ghter
snif
finghi
stear
sback.Hehasal way
sbeenthe
softyint
hefamil
y.

“Am Ii
nterr
upti
ngabr obonding?”wepullapar
t
asNozi t
hrowsherselfbetweenus.Shehas
thr
eejournal
swithher.“Thisyear
’sj
ournali
s
morepersonal,
soy ou’l
lgetaPGv er
sion
narr
ated.
”Shegiggles.
“Thankyoufordoi
ngthi
sforme.”Isay
grabbi
ngtheonefrom t
heyearIwasarrest
ed.

“Ididn’twanty out omi ssat hing.”Il

eaft hr
ough
i
tandt hef i
rstfewpageshav emechoki ngback
thet ears.Iam soengr ossedint hisbythet i
meI
l
ookar oundt hetwohav epassedoutImov et o
theot hercoucht omaket hespacef orthem as
theyf acedi f
ferentdirecti
ons.Iuseat hrowto
cov erthem.I t’
salmostmor ningandIknow
Zanohast obei nschool infourhour s.Analarm
goingof fhasmel ookingupandseeZano
stretchingandget ti
ngoutf rom underNozi ’
s
feet.

“What
’st
het
ime?
”heaskshi
svoi
cest
il
lful
lof
sl
eep.

“
It
’s6.Youhav
etogetr
eady
.”Wher
eIl
i
vei
sa
bitfurthert hanhi sschool andwithmor ni ng
traffi
c,itcoul dt akeawhi le.Icloset hejour nal
I’
v ebeenabsor bedi nandmakemyt othe
kitchen.“ Shoul dImakey ousomet hingtoeat ? ”
Ther eisnoanswerandt henIheart heshower
running.Imakemy selfacupandsi tont hehi gh
chairwai t
ingf orhi mt ocomeout .Myhear tis
stil
linpi ecesf rom t hebitsIreadf rom Nozi ’
s
diary.Theywentt hroughal otasexpect ed, but
themostpr evalentf eel
i
ngIpi ckedupf rom her
wor dswasf ear.Fearf ormeandf earfort hem.
MyGod, whatwe’ v ebeent hrough.

“Youlookdeepi
nthought,scary
.”Zanocomes
outbuttoni
nghi
sschoolshirt
.It
’sagoodthi
ng
Nozimadehi mi
ronhisunifor
ml astni
ght
.

“
Cof
fee?
”Iaskhi
minst
ead.
“Nope.Idon’tdri
nkthatstuff.I
t’
sbadformy
body.I’l
lmakeasmoot hi
e.”Ishakemyhead,
steppingawayallowi
nghi m spacetodowhat
heneeds.Iwat chhim ashemi xesgreen
vegetableswit
hbananaandsomepowder .

“Whati
sal
lthat
?”Hel
ooksupf
rom whathe’
s
doi
ng.

“This,i
sapowersmoothi
e.I
tget
smegoi
ng
throughpr
act
icewit
houtbei
ngheav
yont
he
stomach.”

“
Don’
tyoupr
acti
ceafterschool
?Wi
l
lyoul
ast
t
hatl
ongwit
houtfood?”

“
Wepract
icei
nthemorni
ng,
especi
all
ynowt
hat
wear
eprepar
ingf
ort
henati
onal
s.”
“
IfIdi
dn’
tseey ourr
eports,
Iwouldworryabout
y
ouracademics.Youandy ourschool
seem to
t
akeyoursporttooser
ious.”

“I
t’
smytickett
othegoodl
i
fe.Foral
lofus.
”He
sayssol
emnly.

“
Yeah?Ai
mingf
ort
heBoks?
”

“Beyond.”Inod.Impr
essedbyhisdr
iveand
ambi t
ion.Thaboshowsupjustasweaboutto
callataxiforhi
m.Nozi’
swakesupatthesound
ofhisv oi
ceandshemakesamadr ushfort
he
bathroom.

“Whatisthatabout?”Iask.Thabomumbles
somethingaboutteenagerwhileZanosni
gger
s.
“
Arey
our
eady
,bi
gman?
”ThaboasksZano.

“Yeah.”Hegrabshi
sschool
bagandal
arge
sportsbag.

“I
llbebackinanhour.Weneedtotalk
business.
”Thabosaystome.Irai
semy
eyebrow.“I
llt
ell
youwhenIcomeback. ”We
shakehandsandIwat cht
hem walki
ngt ot
he
car.

“
IsThabogone?”I’
m st
art
ledbyt
hesoundof
Nozi
’
sv oi
cebehindme.

“Yes.Andyourbrothert
oo.
”Iwatchherand
noti
cetheblushthat’
sti
nti
nghercheeks.“
Are
younotworking?
”
“Iam.ButIneedacupofcof feef
irst
.”Il
ean
againstt
hekitcheni
slandandwatchherasshe
makesher sel
facup.

“
Whatti
mei sPr
ett
ycomingback?
”Shepauses,
acupmid-
waytoherl
ips.

“
Probabl
yar
ound5.Why
?”

“Ineedtoseeher.”Shel
ooksatme,hereyes
guarded.“Ineedt
ospeaktoher,
tothankher
forprovi
dingyouwithapl
acetostay
.”Iexpl
ain.

“I
sthatal
l?”Hay
ibo!Whoisthi
sper
son
quest
ioni
ngmyi nt
enti
ons?

“
Whatdoy
oumean‘
i
sthatal
l
’?Iowehert
hat
much.
”Hersi
ghi
sloud.

“
Lul
i
,I.
..
”sheput
shercupont
hecount
er.

“
Youwhat
?”

“
Youar
enott
hinki
ngofdat
ingher
,ar
eyou?
”

“Nobabysis.Butwear
efr
iends.We’
vealway
s
beenfr
iendsandshedi
dmeahugef avourby
taki
ngyouguy si
n.”
“IknowthatbutIalsorememberhowy ouwere
aroundher.Youwer esmit
ten.AndIhonest
ly
don’tt
hinksheistheoneforyou.”

“
Whyam Iev
enhav
ingt
hisconv
ersat
ionwi
th
y
ou?
”
“Il
oveyouandIwanty outobecareful.Keep
youreyesopenaroundheranddon’tletother
part
sofy ourbodycont
rol
you.”Myey eswi den.
“Sor
ry.
”

“
I’
m st
il
lyourbi
gbr
otherNoz.
”

“
Justbecar
eful
.Bi
gbr
otherornot
.Iknowhow
menthi
nk.
”

“
Youdo?
”Sher
oll
sherey
es.

“Ihavetogetreadyforwork.
”Sheleavesme
standingint
hekitchen.If
eell
ikeIdon’
tknow
mysi bli
ngsatal
l.Alothaschangedandy et
nothingmuchhaschangedaboutt hem.
OnceNozi i
sgoneIsitdownwi t
haf r
eshcupof
cof f
eeandpoweronmyl apt
op.Thecoffeeis
muchbet terthant
heshitcoff
eewedr ankin
prison.Thabohasmadesur eIgetthegood
stuff.I
’m soabsorbedinwhatI’m doi
ng,Idon’
t
evenheart hedooropenonlywhenIhear
Thabo’sboomi ngvoi
ceinthelounge.

“
Yinimfet
hu,ar
ey ouwatchi
ngpor
n?”heasks
t
hrowinghi
mselfonthecouch.

“
What
?”

“
Ithoughty
ouwere.
..
”hemakesalewdgest
ure
wi
thhishandt
henbreaksoutl
aughi
ng.

“
Youar
eanidi
ot.Comel
ookatt
his.
”Hemov
es
t
osi
tnextt
ome.
“
Whatam Ilookingat?Youknowmeand
t
echnol
ogyMK. ”Ipointt
owhereIwanthi
mto
l
ook.“
Itst
il
ldoesn’tmakesense.
”

“So,whenIwasi npri
son,Ireadal otabout
tradingandwhenthesuperintendentMzangwa
allowedmet heuseofhiscomput er,It
ri
edthe
mocksi tes,
unti
lIl
earnedtheinsandout s.
”

“
I’
m st
il
ll
ost
.”

“God, youactli
keanoldman.Iusedsomeof
themoneyi nmyaccountandhav ebeent
rading
forthepastt wohour s.Andwhatyouare
l
ooki ngatmyf ri
endishowmuchI ’v
emade.”I
clickatt heclosebutt
on.“Ther
e,Ij
ust
transf err
edtomyaccount .”Hehashismouth
gapi ngopen.Hel ooksatmet henatthel
aptop
andt henbackatme.
“Youmadet hatmuchi ntwohour
s.”Isl
owl
y
nod.“That
’salot
.”Iclosethel
apt
opandsit
back.“Whatareyoudoing?Youhavetokeep
doingwhatyoudid!”

“
Ihavetobecar efulwit
hthisTman.I’
m sti
l
l
l
ear
ning.It
’sprobablypureluckImadethat
much.I’
l
lkeepdoi ngitbutIneedtoobser
vethe
market
sfirst
.”

“IknowI
’m bei
nggr
eedybutweneedt
omake
bigmovesMK.”

“Youar
epreachi
ngtotheconv
ert
edmybr
other
.
Ihaveapl
anthough.
”

“
Yeah?
”Inod“
Ili
ket
hesoundoft
hat
.Whati
s
i
t.
”
“I
twil
linv
olv
eMusaaswel
l
,doy
out
hinkhe’
l
lbe
keen?
”

“Hel
lyes.Heisdesperatetogetoutofhis
fat
her’
sthumbanddohi sownthing.Butsi
nce
hegotarrest
edforaccident
all
yhackinga
companyhei swearyofusinghisskil
ls.
”It
hink
aboutwhatMusacandoandImakeament al
notetousehim onamor epersonalproj
ect.

“Thereisthisguy,Imetinthepri
sonlibr
ary
.I’
m
notsureify ourememberhim.Hekeptt o
himself
.Hi snamei sJoseph.Heisfrom
Witbank,i
nasmal ll
it
tl
earea,accor
dingtohim
anyway.”

“
Mk,
musty
oual
way
sdr
agt
ogett
othepoi
nt?
”
“
Mustyoubei mpati
ent?Anyway,
heconf
idedi
n
methathegotarr
estedforki
ll
i
ngamanwho
r
apedhisdaught
er.
"

“
Shi
t!
”

“
Yeah.Thechi
l
dwassi
x.
“
Iwoul
d’v
edonet
hesame.
”Inodmyassent
.

“Het ol
dmeawhi lebackhewasdi ggingf or
Godknowswhatf rom hisbacky ardandhe
foundt r
acesofcoal .
”Thabo’
sey eswi den.He
getswher eI’
m goingwi t
hthi
s.“Sincehei s
i
nside,hecan’ttr
ustany onewithwhathe’ s
discovered.Heneedshi swif
eandki dt obe
takencar eof.
”Thabonodsencour agingly.“For
somer easonshet rustedme.Tman, ifwecan
getev i
dencethathishousesitsonacoal mi ne,
heiswil
l
ingtosellusthelandfor5mill
i
on.
Thenwewoul dgiv
ehi sfamil
yroyal
ti
es.
”Thabo
si
tsbackblowinghischeeks.

“Fuck!Youjustmadehal
foft
hatint
wohour
s,
doy outhi
nky oucanmakemore?
”

“Wecan’ tt
akechancesli
ket hat
.Icanuse
another50grandtotrybutthat’
sagambl e.I
f
thethreeofusgot hr
eeway s,I’
veal
readyhave
myshar ecoveredandabitofy our
s.Doy ou
thi
nkMusacanr ai
setherest?”heseemsdazes.

“It
hinkso.Let’
scallhi
m.”Hetakesouthi
s
phoneanddi al
shim.“MK,whatthefuckdowe
knowaboutmi ning?
”

“
Nowy
ouar
easki
ngt
her
ightquest
ions.Once
wegettherightstothel and,wecant henresel
l
i
ttothehighestbidder.Getahef tylumpsum
androyal
tyfeesforli
fe.It’
sbeendonebef or
e.
Thenwecanmov eont oot herthing.Thebest
partwewillhavecapit
al.”Hehol dsuphishand
ashespeakst oMusa.I ’
v ebeenpl anni
ngthi
sin
myheadf oralmostay earsi nceJosephspoke
tome.AndI ’v
edonet her esearchal lweneedis
toconf
irm what’
sont hatl andthenwear eon
ourway.

“DamnMK, whenyoudream y
oudr
eam bi
g.”He
saysaf
terhangi
ngup.

“
That
’st
heonl
yway
.”

(
Pleaseshar
eandl
i
ke)
Apol
ogi
esf
ornotpost
ingy
est
erday
.

TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er15

Mybut terfli
eshadbut terfl
i
esi nmyst omachas
theUberpul ledupbyt headdressNozi had
for
war dedt ome.ItwasMkhul uli’
swel come
homepar tyandshe’ dinvit
edme.Mkhul uli
hadn’tinvitedmeandIwasner vousaboutt hat.
Whati fhedi dn’twantmeathi ssur pr
isepar t
y.
Wehadn’ tspokensi ncethatepichughegav e
meatt hegameandt hatwasal mostamont h
ago.Hedi dn’tcall
,notthatI’
dexpect edhi mto
call
becausewedi dn’tcommuni cateev enwhen
hewasi njail.Thehugpl ayedonl oopi nmy
headev er
yni ght.I
tprovokeddr eamst hatwer e
soerot i
ct heyleftmebl ushingandev er y t
hing
el
sepal
edi
ncompar
ison.
ThedecisiontotakeanUberhadbeeneasy ,
Lucaswasawayonbusi nessandIhar dlywent
outsoanoppor tuni
tytopart
ycoul dleadmet o
dri
nk.Somet hi
ngIenjoyedbutdidn’tindulge
oftenbecauseapparentl
yaccordingtomy
husband,Imadeacl umsyandembar rassing
drunk.Al
so,alcoholaddedmorecal ories.

Ipull
edatmydr essandr egrettedwearingitasI
approachedtheuni tnumber .Thehum ofmusi c
andchat t
erthatcamef r
om thehouset oldmeI
wasatt heri
ghtpl ace.BeforeIcouldmessage
Nozi t
oletherknowIwasout sidethefront
doorflewopen.Thabost oodbef oremei n
fadedbluejeansandawhi teshi r
tthatseem to
hughisbodyi nall t
herightplaces.Theguy
l
ookedgoodandheknewwi ththewayhe
carri
edhimself.
“Aah,Si
sonke.Yini
wamangaphandl
e?The
part
yisinsi
de.”Heopenedt
hedoorwider

“Hell
otoy outooThabo.”Themusi cblar
ed
l
ouderasIwal kedin.Iscannedthehouseand
foundaf ewpeopleintheloungesitt
ingi
nsmall
groupsbutast hel
ightsshoneont hebackyar
d,
Icouldseemor epeoplethereIj
umpedwhen
thedoorclosedbehindmemyner ves
i
ntensif
ying.

“Mostpeopl
eareoutsi
de.Woul
dy oul
ike
somethi
ngtodri
nk?”Thabooff
eredashe
movedtothefr
idge.

“Doyouhav
er edwine?”Ineededagl
asst
o
cal
m mynerves.Hetookoutabottl
efr
om a
wr ackIdi dn’tevennot icewhenIcamei n.It
blendedi nont hebui l
t-i
ncupboar ds.Thebot t
le
het ookoutwasont hepr iceysi deandI
wonder edt henwho’ spl acewasIi n.Theway
Thaboseemedt obef ami l
iarwi thwher e
every thi
ngwasl edmet obelievei twashi s
place.Theki tchenwasadecentsi ze,ingrey
andwhi tecol ours.Thel oungeal sobi ggerwi t
h
i
tsopenpl ant heledtoadi ningar eaandt hen
toasl i
dingdoorwhi chopenedt ot heout side.
Thel oungef urnit
urewassi mpl e, couchesanda
TVst andwi thanhugeTVmount edabov eit.
Thedi ni
ngr oom onl yhadasi xseat ertablethat
didn’tseem l ikeitwasusedof tenandi nits
cur r
entst ate,ithadav ari
etyofhar dliquor
bot t
les,assor tedsnacksandf ingerf oods.

“Her
e”Thabobr
oughtmeoutofmyper
usi
ngas
hepassedmethegl
assofr
ed.
“
Thanky
ou.
”

“Iwasonmywayt ogetmor eice.You’llf

ind
Nozi i
noneofther oomsifyouar etooshyt o
j
ointhepartybyyoursel
foutsi
de. ”Inoddedand
watchedhimleave.Iwantedtoaskwher eMr
Partywasbutchickenedoutandwenti nsearch
ofNozi.Theunithadthreebedroomsandt he
fi
rstdooropenedonmyr i
ghtwaswher eIfound
Nozi.Shesatbeforeami r
rorf
ixingherhai r
.

“Sonke!I’m sohappyy oumadei t.”She

exclaimedget t
ingonherf eet.“
Iwasn’ tsure
you’dcome.Youhar dlyhonourmyi nv i
tes“she
madeherwayt omel aunchingher selfinmy
arms.Ir etur
nedtheembr acebei ngcar ef
ulwith
mywi ne.Shewor eabody -
huggingdr essbut
unli
keme, shedidn’
tlooklikeast uffedsausage.
Shel ookedsexyandt hehighheel sshewor e
broughthert
omyhei
ght.Wel
l
,theywould’v
e
hadIalsonotwor
nheel
ssoIwasstil
ltal
ler.

“Iwasn’tsureIwouldcomebutthenLucas
wentonabusi nesstripandt
hatgavemean
opportunit
ywithouthavi
ngtomakealotof
excuses.”Shefrownedbutdidn’
tcomment.

“Comelet’
sgof i
ndthepar
tyboy.Heisprobabl
y
sulki
nginacornersomewher
e.”Shehooked
herarm ar
oundmi neandl
edmeout si
de.

“Ishenotenj
oyi
nghispart
y?”Iaskedmasking
thenervest
hatsuddenl
ymadeapar tyoft
heir
owni nmytummy .

“It
hinkheget
sover
whelmedbyeveryt
hing.But
ImeanThaboandIneededt
orei
ntroducehim
tosoci ety.Itdoesn’thel pthat’sit’sadifferent
l
ifethanwehadbef ore.
”Sheshr uggedbutI
couldseet heconcer netchedonherf ace.As
wewal kedt hr
ought hepassagei ntothelounge
abeaut i
ful peti
tewomanwal kedt hroughf r
om
theout sidesl i
dingdoor .Beaut ifulwasan
underst atement ,shewasgor geous.Shewor e
shortst hatbar elycov er
edhert highs,acr opt op
showi ngherf l
att ummyandIspi edagl eami ng
navelr i
ng.Thent hebl azershewor eont opwas
roll
edatt hear ms.Shef i
nishedt hel ookwi tha
highheel thatmadeherl ookl ikear unway
model .Hecur lyweav ewasl ongandl oose
framingherper f
ectf ace.

“HeyNozi ,
Iwaslookingforyourbrot
her,hav
e
youseenhi m?”sheaskedei t
heri
gnoringmeor
obli
vioustomypr esence.Ihadaniggl
ing
feel
ingwhoshewasbutIst oodfeeli
ng
i
ntimidatedbyher.
“Out
sideIassume.Hav eyout womet?”Nozi
l
ookedbet weenus.Icoul
donl yshakemyhead.
Hopi
ngshewasn’ twhoIt houghtshewas.“Thi
s
i
sPretty,
Pr et
tyt
hisi
sSisonke.”Shepasteda
smil
eonherf aceandstretchedoutherhand.

“Ohhi,
”shesaid.“
Goodtofinal
lymeetyou.
”Her
eyesInoti
cedweren’
taswar m astheywer
e
whenshef i
rstwal
kedineventhoughthesmil
e
remai
nedfixedonherface.

“Likewise.”Isaid,r
etuningt
hehandshakej uts
thenat allfigur
eemer gedfrom thesli
dingdoor
.
IquicklyletgoofPr ett
y ’
shandhopi ngshe
didn’tnoticethewaymybodyt ensedup.God
Mkhul ulihadgr ownintoanincredibl
esexyman.
Hewor ebl ackevery
thingandthataddedanai r
ofmy st
eryar oundhim.Hel ookedupandcame
toanabr uptst opwhenhesawus.Af r
eshri
ot
start
edupi nmyst omach.Thist i
mei tspr eadto
myl i
mbs, upthroughmychestandi ntot he
backofmyt hr
oat.Iswal l
owedsuddenl yf eeli
ng
hot.Thent heheatturnedicecoldasPr etty
j
umpedi ntoMkhul uli
’
sar ms.Heseemedt o
dwarfhert i
nyframeasshewr appedher sel f
aroundhim.Hi seyesconnectedwi t
hmi neov er
hershoulderashegent l
yputherdown.

“I
’
vebeenlooki
ngforyou.
”Shepur
redherhand
goingupanddownhisarm.

“
Wasther
esomethi
ngyouneeded?
”Heaskeda
f
rownmarr
inghi
sfor
ehead.

“
Justt
osayhi
.CanIgetadr
ink?
”

“
Thedr
inksar
eov
ert
her
e.”Hepoi
ntedatt
he
tabl
enextt
ous.“Mor ei
nthefri
dgeIsuppose.”
Thenhiseyesf
li
ckeredt
owardsmeandhel d
mine.“
Hell
oSonke.”Myheartdidafl
ipatthe
wayhesaidminename.

“HiMkhul
uli
.”Weal
lst
oodi
nsi
l
encewhi
l
emy
eyesweregl
uedtohi
s.

“So, areyouenj oyi

ngy ourpar
ty?”Pr et
ty’
svoi
ce
broket hemomentasshehookedherar m
aroundMkhul uli,
leadi
nghimt owar dsthe
kitchen.Ibelatedlyrememberedt hewi neinmy
handandt ookahugesi p.Maybei twould
dissol v
etheaci dthatIsuddenlytastedinmy
mout h.

“Wouldyouli
kesomet
hingtoeat?”Nozi
broughtmeoutofmymi ser
y.Shepassedmea
plat
ewi t
houtwai
ti
ngf
ormyr esponse.Ipi
cked
afewt hi
ngsandl oadedmypl at ewi thout
payinganyat t
enti
onmyey eskeptwonder ingto
wher ePr et
tyandMkhul uliwereint heki tchen.
Theyl ookedgoodt oget
her.Shel ookedathi m
withador ati
oni nhereyesashef ixedwhatI
assumedwasherdr i
nk.Helookedupf rom
whathewasdoi ng,andIquicklylookedaway .
Guil
tyt hatI’
dbeencaughtst aring.“ Comel et
’s
fi
ndsomepl acetositoutsi
de.”Nozi ledmeout .

“Wher eisZano? ”Iaskedafterwesettl

edina
quietcor nerout
sidewher ewef oundempty
chairsaroundagar dent abl
e.itwasaperfect
spottosi tasitgaveusav i
ewofev er
yone.Only
thenIr eali
sedIcouldn’tseeZanoanywhere.

“
Youjustmi ssedhim.Heleftt
ochil
lathi
s
f
ri
end’splace.Apparent
ly,
hehasanimportant
t
esttostudyf orandpar
tyi
ngwithol
dpeople
i
sn’tgoi ngt ohelphi m.Hi swor dsnotmi nePl us
Ithi
nkhehaspr acticeso, he’llpr obabl ygo
homeear ly.”Nozi andIsatandchat tedwhi le
weat e.Myey eskeptwonder ingt othei nside
wher eIassumedMkhul uliandhi sgi rl
fri
end
were.Di dt heyescapet ooneoft her ooms?
May bet heywer efucki ng.God, Ihat edt hat
thoughtassoonasi tenteredmymi nd.Nozi
hadwentandgot tenmet her estoft hewi ne
andIdi dn’ tev entast eitev ent houghIwas
half
wayt hrough.I twasawhi lewhenapopul ar
songpl ay ed, andev eryonescr eamedandcame
totheirf eetdanci ng.Iwat chedasPr etty
draggedar el
uctantMkhul ulioutoft hehouset o
j
oint hedancer s.Heawkwar dl yst oodwi tha
bottl
eofwat erinhandandwat chedasshe
dancedar oundhi m.shecoul dmov e, I’
dgi veher
thatandIf eltanintensewav eofj ealousy
sweepi ngt hroughme.Ipl acedmywi negl ass
onthet abl eandex cusedmy sel fwal kingbl i
ndly
i
ntot hehouse.Ineededanescape.Because
seeingPr ettyalloverMkhul ulimademe
phy si
callyil
l
.Orwasi tt hef oodIat eort hewi ne?
ButIwasgoi ngtov omi t.So, Iranttowar ds
whatIassumedwast hebat hroom and
fortunatelyi
twasempt y .Iempt i
edthecont ents
ofmyst omachi nt
ot het oiletandi mmedi ately
feltbetterafterwards.If lushedandaf terr i
sing
mymout hwi thamout hwashandwashi ngmy
shakinghands, Istoodbef or ethemi r
rort ryi
ng
tocomposemy self
.I twasawhi lebeforeI
hear dthedooropenandf ortunatel
ythest i
nkof
vomi thaddi sappear ed, atl eastIhopedso.At
thesoundoft hedoorl ocki ng,Ilookedupi nt he
mi rr
orandst art
ledwhenIf oundMkhul uli
standingbehi ndme.

“I
’
vebeenwai t
ingoutsi
dehopingyou’dcome
out.
”Heexpl ai
ned.“Areyouokay?”Ibli
nkedas
ourref
lecti
onwat chedeachother
.Myhear t
wasbeat i
ngatar apidpace.Mykneesfeltweak.
Ihel
dont othebasinfear
ingI
’
dbuckl
eand
crumbletothefl
oor.“
Iheardyouv
omit
ing.
”
Hefur
therexplai
ned.

“I’
mf i
ne.”Icr
oaked.Her emai nedst anding
behindmewat chi
ngmyr eflect i
oninthemi rr
or.
Icouldfeelheatemanat i
ngf rom him even
thoughourbodi esweren’ttouching,Iyearned
forhimtomov ecloser
.Thest eadythumpof
myhear tseemedt oproduceheatt hatwas
spreadi
ngt hr
oughmyv eins.Ev erypartofme
wasawar eofhim behi
ndme.

“Si
sonke.
”Thehuskywayhesaidmynamehad
mesway i
ng.Hemov edcl
oserandhi
sscent
sur
roundedme.
“Yes.”Iwhi
sper
ed.Touchme!Mymi
nd
screamed.
“
Sonke.
”
“Mhm. ”Itcameoutasamoan.Hi sey eshad
gonedar k.Myt onguecameoutt ol i
ckmydr y
l
ipsandhi seyesf ollowedt hemov e.It hrobbed
bet weenmyl egsandIdi dn’tunder standwhy .
Howwasmybodyr eact i
ngi nsuchaway
aroundMkhul ul
i?Hepl acedhi shandsonei t
her
sideofmeont hebasi n.Hi sheatandscent
wr appingar oundme.Icoul df eelhim behi nd
me, buthest i
llwasn’ tcloseenough.Myheel s
gav emeanaddedhei ghtandt hatcausedme
tof eelhisbreat hfanni ngt hebackofmyneck.
Goosebumpsl i
nedmyski n.Thebar estt ouchof
hisl i
psatt hebackofmyneckhadmel etti
ng
outawhi mperandpushi ngbackwar ds.Myass
camei ntocont actwi thasol idbudgeandI
hear dhi ssharpi ntakeofbr eat h.Ishamel essly
rubbedmyassagai nsthi m.Thet ouchofhi s
l
ipsatt hebackofmyneckbecamemor e
i
nsi stent.Hepl antedsof tkissesal ongmyneck
andwhenhi stonguesnakedoutaroundmy
earl
obe,Ial
mostf ai
ntedatt
hepleasurabl
e
sensat
ionsthatri
cochetedt
hroughme.

“Sisonke, tellmet ost op. ”Hishuskyt one

soundedi nmyearandIl etoutanot her
whi mper .Ilookedupandf oundhi sdar key es
holdingmi neint hemi rror .Ididn’trecogni set he
want onsl utthatl ookedbackatme.Myey es
wer edilatedandbl ownwi thdesi r
e.Desi ref or
thef i
rsttimeandi twassomeoneel seot her
thanmyhusband.Ev ent het houghtofmy
husbanddi dn’tdouset hef i
rethatbur ned
throughme.Mkhul uliresumedt heexpl orat ion
ofmyneck, jaw, andear .Iwant edt ot urnand
offerhim myl ips.Becauset hememor yoft he
kissweshar edy earsagowasf orev ervivi
di n
mymi ndandnot hingel seev ercompar ed.
“Sonke,
”Ourey esl
ockedagai
n.“Tel
lmeto
stop.
”Ishookmyhead.Hemov edbackwar
ds
butIquickl
yheldhi
shandsont hebasi
n
keepinghim pl
ace.

“Idon’ twantt o.”Wast hest r

angev oicemi ne? ”
Hisgazedr oppedt omyl ipsandbef or eIev en
hadachanget odoany thing, hehadmyhead
angl edt othesi deandhi slipswer edev ouring
mi ne.Expl osionswentof fi nmyhead.Not hing
elsemat teredint heent ir
ewor ldbutt hef eel of
Mkhul uli
’sli
psagai nstmi ne.Iwant edhi m wi th
anur gencyt hatdef iedl ogic.Mybodyshook
withar ousalandt hemuscl esbetweenmyl egs
throbbedpai nfully.Whenhi shandsmov edand
palmedmygener ousbr east s,Ial
mostf ainted.
Hisbodywasf lushedagai nstmybackandIf elt
ever yhar dridgeofhi m.Ir ubbedmyassagai nst
hisbul ge, andhel etoutaser i
esofl oudgr oans
att hebackofhi sthr oat.Thenhi shandswer e
onmyt hi
ghspushingmydr essup.Iwi
dened
mylegsshamelesslyhopi
nghewoul dassuage
theneedIfel
tbet
weenmyt highs.

“Tellmet ost op.”Hesai dashi sfinger swent

undermypant i
es,gr azingmyt hrobbingnumb.
Tremor swr ackedmybody .“Tellmet ost op.”
Hisfinger ssl i
ppedbet weenmywetf olds.He
withdrewhi sf i
ngersandbr oughtt hem t ohis
l
ips.Tast ingme.“ Tel lmet ostop. ”Mychest
heavedandmyassgy ratedagainsthi m.Ther e
wasnochancei nhel l Iwasst oppi ngthis.I’d
neverf eltsogoodi nmyent ireli
fe.Ipushed
againsthi ml etti
nghi m knowwi t
hmybodyt hat
Iwant edhi m.Mydr essedwasbunchedar ound
mywai standIdi dn’tcar ethatmygener ousass
waspr obabl ydisplay edtohi m.If elthim hook
hisfi
nger sonmypant iesandpushi ngt hem
downt henIheadasoundofbel tbuckl e
opening.“ Tellmet ost op.”
“Iwanty ou. ”Thef oilopeni ngseemedt ohav e
happenedi nadaz e.Onl ywhenIf el
thim sl iding
i
nme, mybodyconnect edwi t
hspi r
itandIl et
outal oudcr yatt hepur eecst asyIf elt
.He
l
atchedont hesi deofmyt hroatashebur i
ed
hislongt hickl engt ht othehi l
t.Hedi dn’tmov e
andIf elthimt hrobbi ngi nsidemeasmyi nner
wallscont r
act edar oundhi m.GodInev er
want edt hef eelingt ostop.“ Luli
,youhav et o
mov e.”If el
thi ml i
fthi sheadandIopenedmy
eyes.Myhear tst oppedatt hedesi r
ei nhi s,then
Ireali
sedIhadt ear sr ol
lingdownmyf ace.He
gentlywi pedt hem wi thhi sthumb.Andr i
ght
then,Ireal i
sed.Iwasheadov erheelsi nlov e
withMkhul uli.Thet ear sf l
owedl i
keast ream.
“
Am Ihur
ti
ngy
ou?
”Ishookmyheadwi
l
dly
.

“
Ineedy
out
omov
ebaby
.”Isai
dnot
recogni singmyv oice.Hedi dn’
tneedt obet old
again.Hebuckedagai nstmeandIf ai l
edt o
cont r
ol mymoans.Hepl acedonehandagai nst
mymout hwhi l
etheot herwentbet weenmy
l
egst opl aywi t
hmyengor gednub.Iwas
bar r
ellingt owar dsanaby ss.Somet hingInev er
exper iencedbutIal readyknewwoul dbewhat
everyonehadf ussedov erandmor e.Hi sl i
ps
returnedt omyneckmuf fli
nghi ssoundsof
pleasur eashef uckedmet horoughl yandso
beaut iful l
y.Imethi st hrust swi t
hmywi ldones
chasi ngsomet hingandwheni thitme.He
couldn’ tev encontainmycr yaspleasur eso
i
nt enset or ethr
oughmet hatIsawst arts.Ifelt
himt ensebehi ndmeasmybodyst il
l conv ul
sed
assensat ionaf t
ersensat ionwr ackedt hrough
mei nwav es.Hishandst illedbetweenmyl egs
whi l
ehi shandonmymout hwasal most
bruising.Wewer esilentf oraf ewseconds
exceptf orourpant ingaswer odetheaf termat h
ofourcoupl i
ng.Myf ir
stor gasm.
“Whydi dy oumar ryhi
m? ”Thet or
turedquestion
fel
tasi fhe’ddousedmyov erheatedbodywi th
i
ce.Hewasst illi
nsideofmeandoneofmy
breastswasexposedl ewdl y.Thehur tlookon
hisfacehadmer ecoi
li
ngont heinside.He
sli
ppedoutt henandIhear dhi m swearbehind
me.Iqui cklyfixedmycl othessuddenl yneeding
toescapeandbef arawayf rom him aspossible.
Ididn’
twai ttoseewhathewasdoi ng.Iwasout
thedoor .Igrabbedmybackf rom wher eNozi
hadst oredandr anasf astasmyshakyl egs
wouldal lowme.Ist oodout sideorder i
ngan
uber.

“
Sonke.
”Mybody’
sreact
ionatt
hesoundof
Mkhul
uli
’
svoi
cebetr
ayedmyhastet
oleave.

“
Thatshoul
dn’
thav
ehappened,
”Isai
d.
“Youareright,
itshouldn’thav
e.”Lit
tl
eknives
wentthroughmychest .Thesoundal er
ti
ngme
ofmyUber ’
sarri
valhadmemov i
ngtowardsthe
gate.

“Si
sonke,thecondom broke.
”Icametoahalt
,
shockri
pplingthroughme.Iwasn’
tworr
ied
aboutpregnancy.IwassureIcoul
dn’
thaveki
ds
anyway.

“I’
m cl
ean.Ihopey ouar
etoo.
”Icoul
dn’thel
p
theaccusati
onfrom mytome.Mybackwasst il
l
tohim.Icouldn’
tfacehi
m becausei
fIdid,I
wouldfal
lathisfeetandbeghimtotakemei n
hisarmsagain.
“
Iam.”Hequietl
ysaid.Icont
inuedt
owal
k
wi
thoutabackwardsglance.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er16

It
’sbeenov eramont hsi ncet heexpl osiv enight
withSi sonke.Thingshappenedsof astt hatday ,
onemomentIwasav oidingPr etty
,whoIhad
madecl earthatwecoul donlyr emai nf r
iends,
andt henextIwasbur ieddeepi nsideSi sonke’ s
war mt h.SomethingIhadonl ydr eamtabout
andnev erbeli
ev i
ngitwoul dhappen.I ’vebeen
thi
nki ngofcont acti
ngheral mostev er yday ,but
Ihav en’tbeensur ewheni twoul dbet hebest
ti
me.Ihav etof acefactst hatSisonkei s
mar ri
edandwhatwedi dwaswr ongr egar dl
ess
howIf eelaboutt heman.Shei spr obabl ygoi ng
throught heguilthenceshehasbeenav oi di
ng
meev eryturn.Shest i
llmetwi thNozi because,
Nozi woul dn’
tshutupabouti t
.Sheal sodoes
herhai
randnai
lsatNozi
’
sshop.Sheonl
y
att
endsZano’
sgamesthatI
’
m unabl
eto.
WhenIhearaknockonmydoor ,Igot oopen
withoutchecki ngwhoi tis.I’
m expect ingThabo
andMusa.Wear esupposedt obemeet ingwith
prospect iveinvest orsint henexthour .We
managedt osecur et helandandwe’ vebeen
ablet oconf i
rmt hati ndeedi t
ssi tti
ngonapi le
ofcoal .It
’swei rdhowt hingsar efall
ingi nt
o
placeandIhav eper manentanxi etybecause
thingsnev ergot hatsmoot hl
yf orme.Att he
samet ime, therei sadr iveinsideofmet hatis
pushi ngmet oclimbashi ghandt obeas
i
nt entional andaggr essivewi t
hmymov es.It
’s
not hi
ngI ’
vef eltbef ore.Theneedt obebet ter,t
o
domor eandmakesshi tloadofmoneywhi leat
i
t.Bef oreIj ustwant edt osurvive.Nowwi t
hall
thet oolsatmydi sposal ,Iwantt oconquer .
Ther eisadar kpar tofmet hatIcan’ tshakeof f
,
Iwantr evenge.Somet imesIdot alkmy sel
fout
i
t.Yes, Iwentt oj ailforsomet hingIdidn’tdo.
Mor egoodcameoutofi tthanbad.Sowhy
can’tIletgooft heneedf orrevenge.Iwantt he
manr esponsiblef ormydemi setopay .Ihate
himf orwhathedi d.Ihat et hatheiswi tht he
onlywomanI ’veev erlov ed.Yes, I
’v
ecomet o
real
isewhatIf eel forSi sonkei smor ethan
fri
endship.It’
sl ov e,sincet hef i
rstt
imeImether .
ButnowIcan’ thav eherbecauseshei stiedto
thatdev i
lLucas.

Iwrenchthedooropenandmyey eswidenat
seeingPrett
ystandi
ngontheotherside.I
nthe
spir
itofgrat
it
udeandkeepingourfri
endshi
p
we’vebeenintouchandinvi
tehertoour
Sundayluncheswheneversheisaround.

“HeyMkhu.
”Shebreaksint
oabigsmil
eandI
can’
thel
pbutret
urnit
.Shegoesonherti
ppy
t
oesandwr
apsherar
msar
oundmehuggi
ng
me.

“HeyPret
ty.Comein,
”Isaypulli
ngawayf
rom
herl
inger
inghug.“
Iwasn’texpecti
ngy
ou.
”

“Sorr
ytocomeunannounced.”Shelooks
aroundthehouseasshewalksthr
ough.Asi
f
sheisexpecti
ngsomeoneelsetobehome.“
I
hopeI’m noti
nter
rupt
ingany
thi
ng.
”

“Ihav
eameeti
ngtogot
o,soI’
m expect
ing
ThaboandMusaanymi
nute.
”Herfacef
all
s.

“Oh.Youseem busy .Areyoujobhunting?”I

don’tknowwhybutIhav en’
tletheri
nonanyof
mypl ans.Ili
ketokeepthem closetomychest
andt el
lthosethatneedtoknowandev enthen,
Idon’tdi
vul
geev
ery
thi
ng.Exper
iencehas
taughtmetobewaryofpeopl
e.

“Somet hi
ngl ikethat.Woul dyoul i
kesomet hing
todr i
nk?”sheshakesherheadandst ands
l
ooki ngunsur einthemi ddl
eofmyki tchen.She
i
swear i
ngasi mplet hinst r
apsdr essthatgoes
untilmid-
thigh.Herweav eisti
edl oosel
yont op
ofherheadr eveali
ngherdel i
cateneck.Shehas
alway sbeenbeaut i
ful butthePr ettyI’
vefound
aftercomingouti sst unningandsheknowsi ti
n
thewayshecar r
iesher self
.

“Ar
ey ouseeinganyone?”Herquesti
onhi tsme
unexpect
ed.AndIt hinkofSi
sonke,Idon’thave
aclai
m onamar ri
edwoman.ThenIt hinkof
Hope,thefewtimeswe’ vebeenint
imate.We
haven’
tsinceSisonke.Ij
usthaven’
tfel
tright
aboutdoinganythi
ngwi t
hHopewhi leSisonke
occupiedmymi nd.ButItalkt oHope.Aboutt he
thi
ngsIdon’ ttal
ktoany oneabout .HowIt hink
myheadi sscr ewedupf orbei ngscar edtol earn
howt odriv
e.Howov erwhelmedIgetwhenI ’m
i
nacr owdedmal l
.Howdaunt i
ngitisf ormet o
meetpeopl eIdon’tknow.Ihav en’
talway sbeen
l
ikethisbutsinceprison,quietandbei ngalone
hasbecomemysol ace.I’
dr athersitonmyown
andreadabookt hanpar ty
ing.Hopel ist
enst o
mewi thoutjudgement .Shehasherown
demonst hatsheshar estoonl ymeandwe
promisedeachot herthatwhenev erthenoi se
becomest oomuch, wewoul dcalleachot her.

“
Whydoy
ouask?
”I’
m ev
adi
ngandsheknowsi
t.
“BecauseMkhuI ’
m att
ractedtoy ou,”thi
s
catchesmeof fguar
d.Ithoughtwehadset t
led,
andbothdecidedwewer ebetterasf r
iends.I
won’tli
eandsayIwasn’ tatt
ractedtoPr ett
y.
Thatinfat
uat
ionIhadwhenwewer eyounger
sti
llli
ngersandshei sbeautiful
,butitwoul dbe
j
ustl ust.Iam notinlovewithher.IfIpursue
thingswi thher,wewi l
li
nevi
tabl
yhur teach
other.Ialsocan’tshakeoffmysi ster’s
war ningsabouther.Theyarenotdi fferentfr
om
Thabo’ swar ni
ngsandt hosetwo, Itr
ustwi t
hmy
l
ife.

“Oh,Iam seeingsomeone.
”Hereyeswide.She
i
sabouttoaskwho.“ Hope.Youdon’tknowher.
Thabointroducedus.
”

“Oh.”Shebl i
nksaf ewt i
mesasi fshehasn’t
beenexpect i
ngt hatanswer.“Well
,Ijust
thoughtIshouldl etyouknow.AndI ’
m will
ingto
fi
ghtf oryou.Youar enotmar r
iedyet,Mkhu.”
Shemov escloserandl ooksupatmewi t
hher
puppyey es.“Thi
nkofwhatwe’ vebeenthrough
together.Remembery ourpromisetogiveme
t
hewor
ld?
”Ibl
i
nkdownather
.

“Wewer ebot
hyoungthen.
”Shesl
idesherhand
aroundmyneckandbringsmyheaddown
brushi
ngherl
ipsagai
nstmine.

“I
twasn’
ttoolongagoMkhulul
i.
”Shemur mur
s.
Thesoundofadooropeningsavesmef r
om
ei
therr
etur
ningtheki
ssorembarrassi
ngl
y
pull
i
ngaway.Wepul l
apar
tandThabo’sgaze
dart
sbetweenus.

“
HawuPrett
y.Iwasn’
texpecti
ngy
ouher
e.”He
t
hrowsanaccusi
ngglanceatme.

“Iwasjustpassi
ngby .
”Sherespondsgrabbi
ng
herhandbagfrom t
hecountertop.“
Thinkabout
whatIsaid.
”Shedirectst
omeandpl ant
sasoft
ki
ssonmycheekt
henshei
sgone.

“Don’
ttell
meshehasherclut
chesbackonyou
mfethu?”Thaboasksf
oldi
nghi
sarmsonhis
chest.
Ishr
ug.“Not
hingofasortbr
uh.Idon’
tli
keher
l
ikethat
.Notanymore.
”

“
Itdi
dn’
tseem l
i
kethatwhenIwal
kedin.You
werer
eadytodrowni
nherfuckmeeyes.”

“Herwhat?”Ishakemyheadandheadt ot
he
bedroom t
ochange.“ Sheknowswher
eshe
stands.
”It
hrowi nforeff
ect.

“Idoubt
.Ionl
yhopey
ouknowwher
eyou
stand.
”
Iwearasl i
mf it
ti
ngsuitt
hatIboughtaweek
ago.Weneededt ol
ookthepar tof
businessmenwhenwemetwi ththeli
kes.
Nothingscr eamedmoneyl i
keawel l
-f
it
ting
expensivesui t
.Thabowhistl
esasIcomeout .
Heisspr awl edonthecouchandMusahas
j
oinedhi m sitt
ingontheone-seaterf
uriousl
y
typi
ngonhi sphone.
“
HeyMusa.Goodt
oseey
ou.
”

“Hel
loMkhul uli
.”Theguyi sstil
lshyaroundus
eventhoughwear ealmostbusinesspartners.
Heisalsowear ingasui twhileThabohasj ust
thefor
mal pant
sandwhi teshir
t.Heprobably
hashisblazerint hecar.OnceIgr abmyphone
andbrief
casewi thmyl apt
opandaf ew
document s,wel eave.Theleadmet owardsa
whit
eAMG.
“Whoser
idei
sthi
s?”Iaskwhi
l
esl
i
dingi
natt
he
back.

“Hi
red.”Thaborespondsstar
ti
ngtheengine.
“We’vegottolookthepart
.Wear einthebi
g
l
eaguesnowboy s.Andmoneyat t
ract
smoney .
”
Ishakemyheadbecauset hat’
sthesamet hi
ng
hesaidwhenhemadeusbuyt hesuit
s.

“
Aret
hel
awy
ersatt
hev
enue?
”

“Yes,t
heyarrivedafewmi nut
esagoandt hey
aresett
ingup.”Musaanswer swithoutli
ft
ing
hisheadfrom hisphone.We’vedecidedtobring
ourlawyersaswelltothemeet i
ng.Theycosta
fort
une,buttheycomehi ghl
yrecommended.
Wear enottakinganychanceswi t
ht hi
sdeal.
Twoweeksl at
erfi
ndsmesi tti
ngwi t
hThaboi n
hisbackyard.Wear ebothstarr
ingintospace.I
feeldazedandIimaginehef eel
sthesame
j
udgingbyt hebeerthathehasn’ttakenasipof
sincewecameouther e.Iam notanybetter
,the
cupofcof f
eeinmyhandhasgonecol d.

“
Fuck!
”heexcl
aims.

“
Iknow.
”

Thesuni scomingupfastandi tpromisest

obe
ascotchingday
.Noneoft hatmat ter
saswesit
i
nt heshade.Wearetryi
ngt ocoll
ectour
thought
s.Takeevery
thinginbutt hemindis
slowtocatchuptotheev entsofthepastweek.

“
Njay
am,
wedi
dit
.”hesay
slooki
ngatmehi
s
eyesgl i
st ening.“Youdi dit
.”Isituprestingmy
elbowsonmyknees.Iwat chmyt r
embl ing
handsandr unt hem onmyf ace.Aswespeak
thelastt ransferhasbeenmadei ntoour
account s.Itstoomanyzer ostocount .The
Amer icanscamet hroughandt heyhav e
partneredupwi thl
ocal miningcompani esas
pergov ernmentr egulati
ons.Thepr oper t
yhas
beenof ficial
lybought .Maki ngthethreeofus
comf ortabler i
ch.IncludingJosephf ami l
y.

“I
twasal lofusmyman, ”Isay.Heshakeshis
head.Hei sabouttoarguebutIcuthi
m off
.
“Beli
eveme, Iwouldn’
thavepull
edthi
soff
withoutyouTman.Yourconf i
denceandyour
daredevi
lspiri
tifcont
agious.
”

“Nowwhat?
”heasksaf
teraf
ewmi
nut
esof
sil
ence.
“It
hinkIneedt
otakeZanoandNozi
onourf
ir
st
hol
iday.
”

“
Leavi
ngmebehind?”hi
sseri
oust
onehasme
l
ooki
ngathim.Thi
sbefor
emei st
hebr
other
t
heuniver
sebl
essedmewi t
h.

“Notachanceinhel
l,youar
ecomingwi
th.
”He
smilesandt
henhet akessi
pofhi
sbeer
.He
wincesashelooksatit.

“Weneedsomet
hingst
rongert
hant
hist
o
cel
ebr
ate.
”

“I’
l
lmakeanothercupofcof f
ee.”Heshakeshi
s
headbutdoesn’tsayanythi
ng.Healways
respect
smyboundar iesaboutnotdr
inki
ng.He
tel
lsmet heonl
ythingthatwil
lmakemea
perf
ectfri
endi sifIlear
nt odr i
vesoIcan
becomeadesi gnateddriver.Idon’tplanon
l
earningthatunnecessar ychor e.Mylifemoving
for
war dwil
l beaboutwor kingsmar tt
han
worki
nghar d.Ifoll
owhi m backi nsidet he
house,hegoesf ort hel
iquorcabi netwhi l
eIt
urn
onthekettleandpr eparetomakecof fee.

“Hav eyoutol
dtheki
ds?
”Wewi ll
probably
foreverref
ert
othetwoaskidseventhought
hey
glareatuswhenwedoi ti
nthei
rfaces.

Ishakemyhead.“ Iwantedev er
ythi
ngtobe
offi
cialbeforeIr
aisetheirhopesup.So,I’
ll
tell
them tonight.
”Whenmycof f
eeisdone,Ipull
outthehi ghchai
randsitoppositeThabo.“We
needt odiscussournextpl an.
”

“
Alr
eady
?”
“
Noti
meliket
hepresent
.ButIwi
l
lunder
standi
f
y
oudon’
twantin.
”

“
Hel
l
,wi
thy
ouI
’
m al
lthewayi
n.”

“Ther earealotofabandonedbui l
ding
downt own, al
readyinsomear easthereare
development s.Ifwecouldscoreour sel
vesa
few, developthem t
henrentthem outt o
corpor at
ionswewoul dmakeaki l
li
ngandt he
betterpar ti
twouldbeanongoi ngincome.”He
l
ooksatmewi t
hhiseyeswide.

“Youdon’ tthink,smal
l,doyou?”OnceI ’
m
throughl ayi
ngoutmypl an,
hei sin.Onamor e
personal note,Iplant
odosomeper sonal
branding.IfIbuildmyselfbigenough, Icoul
d
chargeami nimum of100kj ustforanhour ’
s
appear ance.It’
seasymoneybutr equires
someonewhoi sdr iven.Someonewhohasan
extraor
dinarystorythatpeopl earewill
i
ngt o
l
istento.What ’
sbet t
ert hananExconf alsel
y
accusedandt hencomesoutt obecomea
milli
onair
e?Icanhol dsemi narson
entrepr
eneurshipandst art
-upcompani es.
Teacht heyoutht ool
st hattheycanuset o
reachtheirgoals.Thepossi bili
ti
esareendless
forme.Butf ir
stIneedt otakecar eofathorni
n
mysi de.“Wheredi dy ougoj ustnow?”Thabo
bringsmeoutbef oret hedar kthoughtcan
consumeme.

“Nowher ei
mportant.
”Il
eaveforhomej ust
befor
eZanoget sbackfr
om school.Ialway st
ry
andmakesur etobehomewhent heyarrive.I
cookdinnermostoftheti
mesot hatNozi
doesn’thav
eto.Sheneedstherestandt oday
I’
m excit
edtofi
nall
yshar
emynewswi ththem.
Ourfuturel
ooksquit
edif
ferent
,somet hi
ngout
ofourwi
ldestdr
eams.Ipi
ckupmyphoneand
di
alNozi
’
snumber .

“
Lul
i
.”

“
Heysi
s.Ar
eyoubookedt
hisaf
ter
noon?
”

“No,
it’
sasl
owweek.Whydoy
ouask?
”Iwas
hopi
ngshe’
dsayt
hat,

“Anychanceyoucoul
dknockoffear
ly.Ineedto
haveachatwithyouandZanoandIcan’twait
anymore.
”Therei
sapause.
“
Arey
ouokay
,Lul
i
?”

“YesMntase,
it’
sgoodnewsIpr
omi
se.
”Ican
hearhersi
ghofrel
ief
.
“I’
l
lbehomei nthi
rtymi nutes.”Shear ri
vesat
thesamet i
measZanoandbyt heanxi ous
l
ooksont hei
rfaces,I’
m guessi ngsheupdat ed
him aboutmypendi ngt alk.Theybot hhugme
beforetheysitandwai texpect antlyf orme.I
guesslunchwi l
lwait.Isitopposi tet hem and
updatethem aboutmyr ecentf ortune.Theysi t
thereandwat chmet hei reyeswi deni ngatevery
passingsentence.WhenI ’m done, theylaunch
themselvesatmeandIf alloveratt hei mpact.

“Howdoy ousitwithsuchabi gsecr

etLuli?
”
Nozifi
nall
yaskssniff
inghertearsback.All
thr
eeofusar ewipi
ngourf acesaswef inal
ly
pull
apartandsettl
eont hecouch.

“Idi
dn’
twanttorai
seyourhopesfornot
hing.
”
Theyshowermewi t
hprai
sesthen.Tel
li
ngme
howproudtheyareofmeandhowt heyknewI
wasdesti
nedforbiggert
hings.Bytheti
met hey
aredoneI’
m sopumpedIcoul dtakeoverthe
worl
d.WhenItell
them aboutmyf utur
eplans,I
seenothi
ngbutpri
dei nt
heireyes.I
tshumbling
tosee.

“
Canwegooutf
ordi
nnert
hen?
”Zanoasks.

“
Yeah,
bigman,
wecandot
hat
.”

“
Let
’smakei
tfancy
.”Nozi
chi
rpsi
n.

“
Any
thi
ngy
oubot
hwant
.Al
way
s”

Thefoll
owingFri
dayf
indsmeal oneathome.
WithbothNoziandZanooutwithfri
endsand
apparent
lyi
tssl
eepovers.Ear
li
erIdecl
inedan
i
nv i
tetogooutwi t
hThaboandMusa.Ineedt o
decompr essandt heonlyper sonIcant hinkof
i
sHopebecauset heoneIr eallywanti snot
mine.Thei nter
comsr i
ngsatt heexactmoment
Hopei ssupposedt oar r
ive.Iquicklyjumpt o
openf orher.I’
vepr eparedal i
ghtdi nnerf orus,
sti
ckywi ngs,mi nipiesandasal ad.Cooki ngis
theonet hingIdowhenIneedt or el
ax, andI
real
iseonecanl earnsomuchf rom thei nter
net.
Tryi
ngnewr ecipesi sbecomi ngmyf av ouri
te
thi
ngandmyent husiast
icGui neapig, Zanois
mostencour aging.

“Hey ,”Shehugsmet hemomentIopent hedoor

forher .Iopenthedoorwi deandal lowhert ogo
through.Shei swearingskinnyjeansanda
bomberj acket
.Sheimmedi atelytakesitoffand
i
sl eftwi t
hav estunderneath.Shehasn’ tbeen
char gingmef oranyofourgett oget her
s.She
say sI ’
m ashelpf
ulinherlif
easshei sinmi ne.
Weareabunchofsorr
yindi
vi
dual
sthati
s
obv
ious.“
Somet
hingsmell
sgood.
”

“Ihopei
ttast
esj
ustasgood.Beerorwi
ne?
”I
ask.

“
Wi newil
ldo,t
hankyou.”Ibr
ingheraglassof
wi
neandwat erforme.Shetakesalongsipand
r
elaxesbackonthecouch.Sighi
ngaudi
bly.

“
Longday
?”

“Morelikealongweek.Examsareinaf ew
weeksandI ’mtaki
nginextr
ajobstocov ermy
feesforthesemester
.”Imakeament alnoteto
sett
lethatforher
.Wit
houtherknowledgeof
coursebecauseshewouldabsolut
elyrefuse.
“
You’
l
lwor
kitout
.”

“So,i
sSisonkest
illdr
ivi
ngyounuts?
”sheasks
aft
eralongsil
ence.Wecandot hat,
siti
n
sil
enceanditnevergetsawkwar
d.

“Ineedt
omakepeacethatshewi
l
lnever
chooseme.
”Isayt
oyingwitht
hewat
erbott
lei
n
myhand.

“Maybeyoushoul
dst
artdat
ingot
herpeopl
e.”
Shesays.

“Maybe.”Aknockatmydoorhasusl
ooki
ngat
eachother.

“
Arey
ouexpect
ingcompany
?”Ishakemyhead,
butIgoandcheckwhoi satt hedoor.Youcould
knockmewi thaf eatherwhenIseePr ett
y
standingont heot herside.Sheiswear i
nga
shor tdr
ess,plungedl owont hechestandi sin
highheels.Herhai rsty
leinintr
icatedothathas
l
ef therneckbar e.Shelooksf li
ppingsexy.

“Areyougoingtogawkatmeal lnightorletme
i
n?”IlookbehindmeandseeHopeont he
phone.Whattheheck?Iopent hedoorwi deand
all
owherin.May beifsheseesmewi th
company,she’l
ll
etgooft hisri
diculousidea
aboutus.HerbodytenseswhensheseesHope.
Iwalkthr
oughandt akemyseatnextt ohope.

“Cometakeaseat.
”Isay.“Woul
dy oul
ike
somet
hingtodri
nk?”Iask.Shenods.
“Agl
assofwinepl
ease.
”Ir
etur
ntot
heki
tchen
andpourheragl
ass.
“
Thisi
sHope,Hopethi
sisPret
tyachi
ldhood
f
ri
end.
”Ofcourse,
hopeknowsall
aboutPret
ty.

“
Nicet
omeety
ouPr
ett
y,”Hopesay
s.

“Canwet alkinpr i
vate?”Pr ett
yasksmei nst ead.
IlookatHopef i
rstandshenods.JustasI
standmyphoner i
ngs.I t
’sanunr egi
ster
ed
number .Iaut omat i
callyanswer .Thentherei s
sil
enceont heot herside.Ilookatmyscr een
thinkingt heyhungupbutsomeonei nsti
llon
theline.If eel myner vescoi li
nmyt ummy ,andI
wal kawayf rom thet wol adies.Howismyl if
e
get t
ingt hiscompl icatedall ofasudden.

“
Sonke,”Ical
loutsof
tl
y.Thent
her
eissni
ff
ing.
“
Sisonke!
”
“Yes.
”Hertonei
ssmal
lwhenshef
inal
l
yspeaks.
God,shetear
smeupfr
om thei
nsi
de.

“
Wher
ear
eyou?Ar
eyouokay
?”Mor
esni
ff
ing.

“
I’
m out
side.
”

“
Out
sidewher
e?”

“Yourcomplex.
”Icanbarel
yhearher
.“Ineeded
toseey oubutnowI’
m gett
ingcol
dfeet.CanI
comei n?”

“Yeah,sure.
”Shehangsupandwhenaf ew
secondsl at
erIhearaknockIreali
seshewas
closerthanIassumed.Il
ookatt hetwowomen
seatinginmyloungeandpanicsr i
ses.Thi
s
doesn’tl
ookgood.Anot herknockandIhav eno
choicebuttoopen.Shecr ashesi ntomyar ms
themomentt hedoori sopen.Ihol dhert ight
mybodydoi ngcar t
wheel satbei ngr euni
tes
withherscent.Eventuall
yshel etsgoandt hen
shelooksbehindme.Herf acecrumpl es,
thousandemot i
onsgoi ngt hroughherey es.We
alsohaveaudienceast het wol adiesar e
watchingus.Fuckme!

“Oh,Ididn’
treal
iseyouhadcompany.”She
tur
nst oleavebutIgrabheri
nherhastebef
ore
shecanr eachthedoor.

“Theywer eleavi
ng.”Il
ookatthetwowomen
pointedly
.BlessedlyHopedoesn’
targue.She
picksupherj acketandhangbag.ButPrett
y
remai nsseated,wit
hamur der
ouslookinher
eyes.
“Well,Igotgo.Ihaveexamst ostudyfor.Cal
l
meMkhul ul
i.
”Hopesay sasshewal kspassme.
Inodandgi veheranapol ogeti
csmile.She
winkswhenshei sbehindSisonke.WhoI ’
m
holdingtomei natightgri
pasi fshewill
disappear?

“Pr
etty
,I’
m sur
ewhat ev
eryouwantedtospeak
aboutcanwaitforanot
herday
.”Shegetsup,
hernostr
il
sfl
ari
ng.

“
Isn’
tthi
swomanmar
ri
ed?
”sheaskswhenshe
i
sclosert
ous.

“Noneofyourbusi
nessPretty
.Pleasedon’
tdo
thi
snow.”Withoneshar
pl ookatmeshe
stor
mstowardsthedoor.Thesil
encetheyleav
e
behindi
sdeafeni
ng.
“DidIint
err
uptathreesome?”Sisonkeasks
pull
ingawayf r
om me.Shewr apsherarms
aroundher,huggi
ngherchest.

“No.”Ikeepmyhandsinmypocket savoi
ding
grabbingheragai
n.“Whyarey ouhereSonke?”
shelooksup,hereyeshaunted.

“Ican’tstopt hinki
ngabouty ou.”Shesay sand
thatstatementwr apsar oundmyhear tandt hen
poolsloweri ntomygr oin.Imov et owar dsher
andgent lecupherf ace.Herey essl ideclose
herlipspartingi nanti
cipation.Idipmyhead
andt akeat aste.At asteisn’tenough.Iwant
her.Allofher ,Isli
demyt onguei nsideand
diff
erentsensat i
onsgot hroughmeasher
tonguessl i
desagai nstmi ne.Shemakest hese
sexysoundsatt hebackofhert hroatt hatspur
meon.Herhandsar eclutchingt hef rontofmy
shir
tandmi neareburiedi
nherweav e.Angli
ng
herheadexact l
yri
ght.Myenti
rebodyisalight
witharousalandwhenIpullbacktocatcha
breat
hshewhi mper
ssway i
ngtowardsme.

“Let
’stakethi
stothebedroom.”Hernodi
sal
lI
needbef or
eItakeherhanddraggi
ngher
towardsmyr oom.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er17

Thesoundofmydoorcl osingisloudandIcan
seeSi sonkef r
om t hecornerofmyey ef l
inch.
Thiswon’ tdoIcan’ thaveaner vousSi sonke.I
takeasweepar oundmybedr oom.I t
’sasol i
d
bedwi thpedest als.Mydeski nthecor nert hatI
sitonmostday sandwor konmyl aptop.Ther e
i
sal soanen- suitebathroom.Not hingisoutof
place.Nocl othesont hefloorandt hebedi s
neatlymade.I nmyey ealliswell
.ButwhenI
l
ookather ,sheisey ei
ngt hebedwar ily.Unsur e,
handswr i
nging.

“
Havey oueat
en?”shest
art
lesasi
fshehas
f
orgot
tenI’
mintheroom.
“I
’m nothungr
y.”It
akeast
ept
owar
dsherand
shetakesastepback.

“Baby .
”Herey esar er oundasshel ooksatme.I
takeanot hert entati
v est epcloser .Shemov es
backwar dsunt i
lherbackhi tst hewal l
.“Arey ou
hungr y?
”myhandcupsherj awandmyt humb
soothehercheek.Bef oreshecananswerher
tummyr umbl es.“ Thent hatanswer smy
quest i
on.I ’ll
getussomet hi
ngt oeat .
”Idr opmy
handandt urnt oleav e.“ Makey ourself
comf ortabl eSonke. ”Icl oset hedoorbehi ndme
andt akeamuch- neededbr eathmy self
.I’m
nervousashel l
.Sisonkei shereandi fIhadmy
way ,shewoul dnev erl eave.ButImustt read
carefull
y, shel ooksl ikeaner v ouswounded
animal andanymi sstepbyme, IknowI ’
l
l loose
herforev er .Iquicklymakemywayt ot he
kit
chen, dishi ngupt hef oodt hatI ’
dpr epar edfor
Hope.Ii nt ernallycringeathow badt hi
sl ooks.I
hadt hreewomeni noneni ght.I’
m sur
eThabo
wouldhav eaf i
elddaywi t
ht hatinf
ormati
on.A
goodt hinghe’l
lneverfi
ndoutot herwi
seIwoul d
neverliveitdown.Idishupf orusinoneplate
andt hengr ababottl
eofwi neandagl assfor
Sisonke.Sheseemsl i
kesheneedssomet hi
ng
toloosenherner ves.Igr
ababot tl
eofwaterfor
my selfandmakemywayt ot heroom.
Sheissit
ti
ngstiff
lyonthechairatthef ootof
thebad.Herhandbacki ssti
lloverhershoulder
.
Shelooksreadytobolt
.Iplacethet r
ayoff ood
onthepedestalandpouragl assofwi neforher.

“Here,
”Ipasst heglassgoher .Shesmi l
esupat
meandt akesahugesi p.Imov etothebedand
sitl
eaningagainsttheheadboar d.“
Comeher e
Sisonke.”Sheturnsandlooksatmet hent he
spacenextt ome.“ Idon’
tbitebaby.Andt hat
chaircan’tbecomf ort
able.
”Shet hi
nksabouti t
forafewsecondst henshedr opsherbagon
thefl
oorandr emov eshershoest henplacehe
wineglassont hepedestal.Iwatchherclimbon
theothersideofthebedandshesi tswith
somespacebet weenus.Herner vousnessi s
makingmemor enervous.Shegrabshergl ass
ofwineagai nandtakesanot hersi
p.The
sil
enceisget t
ingundermyski n.Ihavesomany
questi
onsf orherbutIdon’twantt ooverwhelm
her.“
Arey ouokaybaby ?”Isettl
eont hatone.

“I
’
mt i
redLuli
,sosot ir
ed.
”Shesoundsbone
weary
,notphysicall
ybutmental
lyand
emoti
onall
y.Thatstatementhi
tsatsomethi
ng
deepwit
hinmei tleavesmegaspingforbr
eath.

“Thenrest.
”Iplacemyhandbet weenus.She
l
ooksatt hehandlongingl
ythensheputsher
glassonthepedestalandthenplacesherhand
onmi ne.Icur
lmyf i
ngersaroundherhandand
tughercl ose.Shedoesn’ tfi
ghtasshemov es
towardsmel ay i
ngherheadonmychest .Ishift
unti
lI’
ml yi
ngcomf ort
ableonmybackandhav e
herwr appedar oundme.Shel etsouta
contentedsi gh.Thesilencestretchesfora
whil
e, onlythesoundofourbr eat hi
ngfil
lst
he
room.Mybodyi sawar eofher, herweighton
mysi de,herbr eathonmychestandt hebeatof
herhear tagainstme.Howherf inger
sare
absentlydrawi ngcircl
esonmyar m.

“Ihavebeent hinkingabouty ounonst opsince

thatnight.
”Myhear tl
eapstomyt hroatandI ’
m
unablet obreat he.“Thewayy outouchedme,
andt ookcont rol ofmybody .I’v
enev erfelt
anythingli
kei t.Iusedt ot
hinksexwas
overratedbutaf t
erthatni
ght ,Ithi
nkIhav ebeen
missingout .”Asmuchasmyhear tsi
ngsatt he
knowl edgethatI ’mt heonl
yonesher esponds
toli
ket hat.Ican’ thel
ptheugl ythoughtt hat
j
umpst
omyhead.

“AreyoujusthereforsexSi
sonke?
”Herbody
tensesagainstmine.Shel
ooksupatmeher
eyesfil
l
edwi tht
ears.

“Il
ovethesexwit
hy ouLul
ibutthat
’snott
he
onl
yreasonI’
m here.
”Tensi
onleavesmybody.

“
Thenwhyar
eyouher
e?”Wecan’
tav
oidi
tany
l
onger
.

“I
’m her
ebecausey oumakemehappy .I
’m here
becausewithyouIdon’thavetowor
ryabout
anythi
ng,howIlook,whatIsayandhowIsayi t
.
Icanjustbeme.”Ifrownatherandsheaverts
hergaze.Herhandisstil
lpl
ayi
ngwithmychest .
“Sonke, whyonear t
har eyoumar ri
edt oaman
whodoesn’ tmakey oufeelallthoset hings? ”I
regretthequest ionthemomenti tl
eav esmy
mout h.AsIwat chhersitupandherwar mth
l
eav i
ngme.Sheshr inksbacki ntothisempt y
shellbeforemyey es.“I’
m sorryIasked. ”Isay
mov ingclosert oher.Ipushherhai rofherf ace
andmov ecl oseruntilweareonl ysepar atedby
aninch.“ Youdon’ thavetoanswert hat .Take
whaty ouwantbabyt obreathe.I ’
m here.No
expectations.Nopr essure.Bey oubaby .My
Sisonke.”Herbr eathiscomi ngouti nhar sh
pantsandIcanf eelit
swar mthonmyf aceas
ourlipshov er.

“
Luli
.”Shewhisper
s,hert
onguecomi
ngoutt
o
wetherli
ps.

“
Takewhaty
ouneedbaby
.”Herhandwheni
t
touchesmyf acefeel
sli
keabrandi
ng.Imov e
mybodyunt ilI
’m hov
eri
ngaboveher,
myar ms
strai
ningathersi
des.Idon’
twantt
opr essure
her.Sheneedstomakeal lt
hemoves.

“CanIbey oursforj
usttoni
ght
?”Myheart
clenches.BecauseIwantherf
orev
erbutri
ght
nowi t’
snotaboutwhatIneed.

“Yes.”Herli
psf eelli
keaf eatherast heyghost
mine.“Takewhaty ouneed. ”Shepul lsmedown
thenherlipsonmi ne,demandi ng.Iletherl
ead
thekissuntilhertonguesl i
desi nandmy
controlspli
nters.Herbodyf eelslikehome.She
i
ssof teverywher e.I’m dr
owningi nherwarmth,
herscentandhersof t
ness.Theki ssis
i
ntoxicati
ng.Whensheput sherl egov ermyhi
p
pull
ingmedown, Isighasmyl owerbody
connectswi t
hher s.Theheatbet weenher
thi
ghsi
smaddeni
ng.Imovemyhipsagai
nst
hercor
eseeki
ngt
hefri
cti
on,
ther
eli
ef.

“Mkhul ul
i,
”shemoansmynamel ikeapr ayer
,
andIf earI’m abouttocum inmycl othes.I
wrenchmyl ipsf orherseeki
ngamuch- needed
breath.Herey esast heylookupatme, are
al
mostdar kwi tharousal.“
Whatdoy ouseei n
me? ”Iblinkconf usedbyherquest i
on.Hasshe
seenher self?“Thewoment hatwereher e
earl
ier,aren’
tmyt ype.Theyarebeaut i
ful,sl
im
andwel l
justnotme. ”

“That
’sthereasonI
’m wit
hy oubaby.Theyare
notyou.Youarebeauti
ful
.”Sheturnsherhead
totheside,
herhandsdroppingfr
om myf ace.

“
Don’
tdot
hatMkhul
uli
.Youdon’
thav
etol
i
eto
me.
”
“I’
m notl yi
ngSonke.Whywoul dIli
e?Tobe
honest ,Ialwayst houghtIwasnev ergood
enoughf oryou.Nomoney ,nohome, j
ustaboy
from thesquat tercampsy oufeltsorryfor
.But
att hesamet i
me, Ihaveal
way sbeendr awnt o
you.Youshowedmeki ndnesswhenev eryone
elsedidn’t.Your ememberhowy oual ways
madesur eIhadadecentmeal everySaturdayI
wor kediny ourhouse?Younev erfl
inchedor
l
iftedyournoseatmydi r
tyclothes.Thehugs
yougav emeaf terourwalkskeptmewar mi n
thedeadofni ght .
”Hersmi leisbli
nding,andI
catcht heteart hatleaksoutoft hecornerofher
ey ewithmyt humb.

“Il
ookedforwardt othosehugsev
eryday.I
l
ovedhowy outookcar eofmeLuli
.Ial
waysfel
t
safewit
hy ou.Ifeelsafewit
hyou.
”
“
Yeah?
”Shenods.

“Rememberourfir
stkiss?”Inod.“I
twasthe
bestt
hingthatev
erhappenedt ome, unt
ilIwas
backi
ny ourarmsagain.”Myheartri
psopenat
herwordsandIcan’tholdmy sel
fanymore.

“IwantyouSonke. ”Herr esponseist opul

lme
downf oranothermi nd-numbingkiss.Thereis
nottal
kingafterwards.Onlyust uggingatour
clot
hesunt i
lwear enaked.Ski nagainstski
n.
Hersoftnessagainstmyski nfeell
ikeacaress.
“Condoms? ”Imanaget ocroakoutasher
handsengulfsmyheat edmember .Shepull
sat
i
tandIf earImightspendi nherhand.
“No,
I’
m cl
ean.Andt
her
eisnor
iskofpr
egnancy
.
Andyou?’
“
Nor
iskofpr
egnancy.
”Isaytaki
nghersweet
l
i
psI
’
m mine.Shechuckl
es.“
Imean,I’
m cl
ean
andIhaven’tbeenwi thanyonesincey ou.”The
soundsshel etsoutareofpurejoy.“Idon’t
wantanyoneel seSonke.”Canshenotseemy
heartonl
ybeat sforher?Iwasmadet ol oveher.
Chooseme, mymi ndscreams.Imov euntilI
’m
aboveherandsl i
dingintoherhotsheat h.She
moansherheadt hrownbackinecst asy.He
handsclut
chi ngandclawingmyback.Mybody
gl
idesagainsthers.

“YoufeelsogoodLul i.Don’tstop.
”Not hi
ngin
thewor l
dwoul dmakeme.Il owermyent i
re
bodyunt i
lwear ewr appedi neachot her
connectedi neveryway .Ourki ssi
scl umsyand
dir
tyandt hemoster oti
cthing.Thesensat i
onsI
feelareoverwhelmi ng.Icanf eelmyi mpendi ng
orgasm andhercr iesandmoanst el
l meshe
i
sn’tfaroff.“Ohyes, ri
ghttherebaby .God, Il
ove
you.”Myhear tstuttersatherdeclaration,it
couldbeint hemomentbutIdon’ tcar e.Il
atch
ont
oherwor
dsbr
ingi
ngmygazet
oher
s.

“Il
ov eyou.
”Isaymyv oicer aspy .Sheshudder s
againstmel ett
ingoutashar pcr yashercl imax
hit
sherunexpect edl
y .Herey esseem t oglaze
overassheconv ulsesov erandov er.Myhi ps
buckuncont rol
lableagai nsther sasIspi l
lmy
seeddeepi nsideher .Herl egsar el ocked
aroundmywai standt hat ’
st heonl yplaceI
wantt obe.Wear ebot hl ooki ngateachot her,
chestheaving.“Leav ehi m baby .Mar ryme.”My
tonecracksast hewor dsr i
poutofme.She
bli
nksandt hent earsf il
lherey es.

“
Ican’
t.
”Itf
eel
sli
keadaggeri
sbei
ngt
wist
edi
n
myheart
.

“Whynot
?”Whyaskt
heobv
ious?I
’
m notgood
enoughf
orher
.
“Idon’
tdeservey ouLuli
.I’
m weakandpat het
ic,
you’l
lseethatforyoursel
fandyou’l
lneverwant
meagai n.
”Hert earsarefr
eel
yfall
i
ngr i
ghtnow
andtheychafeatmywoundedhear t.

“Don’ tcryst handwasam.Wewi l

l fi
gurei tout.
Youar ewor thit.Youmat tertomebaby .You
alway shav e.”Idon’tknowwhati nternal scars
shehasbutIr ememberhowf r
agi lesheusedt o
be.Thi si sn’taboutme.I t
’sbiggert hanmeandI
i
nt ernallysweart hatI’
l
ldowhat ev erittakest o
makesur esheov er
comesi t.“JustknowIl ove
you.Iwi l
l al
way sdo.Nopr essur e.No
expect ations. ”Iholdherchin.Shenodsand
thenwr apsherar msar oundmeassobswr ack
herbody .Thet housanddagger scont i
nuet o
piercemyhear tunti
lhersobsdi edownandher
bodygoesl ax, herbreathi
ngdeeper .Igent l
y
pulloutofherandcov erhersweat ybodywi tha
blanket .Imakemywayt othebat hroom and
t
urnt
heshoweront
ocov
ermyowncr
ies.

I’
m st artledbyasoundofanengi nefrom
out sideandev enwi thoutchecki ngthet ime, I
knowi t’smor ni ngjudgingbyt hesunr ayst hat
fi
ltert hrought hecur tains.Mybodyhasnev er
beent hisrelaxedandt hewar m bodycur led
aroundmi necanbeaddi ctive.Ilookdownat
herheadsl eepi ngonmynumbar m.Shel ooks
soy oungi nhersl eep.Whenal lherwor r
ies
aren’ thaunt i
ngher .Iwoul dgivebot hmy
kidney st owakeupt oherheatev erymor ning.
Tohav elastni ghtev erynight,Godl astni ght
wasmadest r
ai ghtoutofmyf antasy.WhenI
woket omymembersur roundedbyhermout h,
I
thoughtI ’
ddi edandgonet oheav en.Ithadbeen
clumsybutbeaut i
ful
.Thewayweexpl oredour
bodi es, explainsev erysweetacheofmy
muscl es.MyshySi sonkewasawi l
df ireinbed.
Ifeltl i
keIhadawakenedabeasti nsideher .
“Youar
ethinki
ngt
ool
oud.
”Il
ookdownandf
ind
herwat
chingme.

“Al
laboutyou.
”Ismi
l
e,di
pmyheadandt
ake
herswoll
enli
psinmi
ne.

“
Ihav
etogo.
”Shesay
sret
urni
ngt
omyl
i
ps.

“
Inami
nut
e.”

Anhourl ateraf
teraquickshower,shewalks
outtof i
ndmei nthekitchenwithacupof
coffee.Ihandittoher.Shetakesasipand
cruncheshernosegi v
ingitbacktome.

“
It
’st
oost
rongf
orme.
”
“CanImakey ousomet
hingt
oeat
?”Sheshakes
herhead.Looki
ngsad.

“Ir
eall
yhavet
ogo.”Iwantt
osayshedoesn’
t
butIholdmyt
ongue.

“Whenwi l
lIseeyouagain?”Shemovescl
oser
tomewr appingherarmsar oundmywai
st.I
placethecupont hecount
erandwrapmyarms
aroundhershoulders.

“Soon.Ipr
omise.”Herphonebuzzes.“ I
t’
s
probabl
yUber.
”Shepul l
sawaygr abbingher
handbag.Iwalkherouttothewai t
ingcarand
watchherunti
lshedisappearsoutofv i
ew.
ThenIfeelasenseofloneli
nesswr appi
ng
aroundme.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er18

War
ning:
Tri
gger
ingi
nev
eryway
!

“Iwantt obel ievet hatthebestki ndofl oveis

wor t
hbur ningf orbaby .Af l
i
ckerofaf l
ameisn’t
enough.I thast oconsumey ou.Iwantt heblood,
sweat ,
andt ear ski ndoflove.Theunpr edict
able,
thewi l
d,andt hehar dlove.Wehav et hatSonke.
Ibeli
evei t.Youj usthav etobewi ll
ingtoburn
withme. ”Myhear tlur
chedasIr eadt he
messagef rom Mkhul uli
.Myhear tfel
tsof ul
l
andy etsol ight ,Iwaswal ki
ngonacl oud.I
didn’
tev enr eal i
sewehadar ri
v edhomeunt i
l
thedriverpr ompt edme.Leav ingMkhul ul
iwas
thehardestt hingIhadt odo, andi tmademe
reali
seIjustneededt obebr av eenought ogo
f
orwhatIwanted.Andi
twasclearnow.Hewas
whatIwant
ed.WhatIdeser
ved.
Ineededt oshowerandchanget hengov i
sitmy
l
awy er.Itwasaboutt imet hatIdi vorcedLucas
andhewoul dhav ethepaper sassoonashe
retur
nedf rom hisbusinesst r
ip.Ishoul dn’
thave
mar r
iedhi m.Ican’tevenr ememberwhyIdi d.
May beIdi dbutIwasn’ tgoi ngt odwel lonthat.
Thiswasanewme, aper sonwhowasseen, I
mat t
eredt ooneper sonIonl yneededt omat t
er
to.Gosh, Icouldstil
lfeelthei mpr i
ntofhi sli
ps,
handsandt hatotherdeliciouspar tofhi m.My
mindwasabsentandIcoul dn’twipet hesmi l
e
offmyf aceasIpushedt hedooropen.The
momentIwal kedin,ahar di mpactconnect ed
withmyf aceandmyheadhi tthewal l.Awav e
ofdizzinessat t
ackedmeandt hef ol
lowuphi t
hadmecr umplingtothef l
oor .

“
Youbi
tch!
”Lucasspatf
rom somewher
e.Iwas
stil
lseei ngwhi t
ebef or emeandmyear swer e
ri
nging.Ev erythingf ocusedonmyheadashe
grabbedahandf ul ofmyweav eandpul l
ed.I
want edt oscr eam butsomet hingwasl oggedi n
myt hr oat .Igr abbedhi shand, holdi
ngon, tryi
ng
topr eventt hepul l
.Itwasnouse.Hewas
stronger .If eltmyscal pbur ni npl acesandI
knewt hebeaut iful
, plant edweav ewasbei ng
pluckedf rom myscal pwi t
hmyhai r.“Lookat
you, youpat het icwor thlesspi eceofshi t!You
smel llikehi m!Thatf ilth.Yougoi ngt obet ray
mef ort hatf i
lthyhoodr atfucker !
”Asdi zzyasI
felt
,mymi ndwasscr ambl ingf oranswer s.How
didhef indout ?Ist hismydayt odie?I nall hi
s
abuse, Inev ert houghthewoul dlayahandon
me.Butt her eIwasbei ngdr aggedbymyhai r
acrosst het il
edent rywayt othel ivi
ngr oom.
Hi
sgri
ponmyarm waspai
nful
ashey
anked
metomyfeet
.
“
Icanexpl
ain.
”Myv
oicet
rembl
ed.
“Youcanexpl ainwhat ?
”Hisey eswer ewi l
d.He
stil
l wor ehispr i
stinewhit
eshirtandhi sblack
slacks.Her ol
leduphissleevesashewat ched
me.Thev enom i nhiseyesmademef l
inch.
“Howl onghav ey oubeenfuckinghi m?Bef ore
prison? ”hisv oiceboomedandv ibratedinthe
bighouse.Ishookmyheadi mmedi ately
regrettingt hatast hepainshotthroughme.Not
sur eiftell
inghi mt hetr
uthwasgoodorbad.I
clampmymout hshut,decidi
ngei t
herwayIwas
dead.“ Answerme! ”Ij
umped.

“Ididn’t..
.”Idi
dn’tfi
nishthesent enceas
anotherf i
stconnectedwithhi sjaw.Thei mpact
causedmet ofal l
onthecouch.Hewasont op
met urningmesot hatmybackwast ohi m.“I
s
thatwhywehav en’
tbeenf uckingformont hs?
Youwer efucki
nghi m.Ishebet t
erthanme? ”I
shookmyheadnotsur ewhatIwasdeny i
ng.
Therewasr eal
lynocompar i
son.Hey ankedmy
headbackwar ds,myneckatanawkwar dangl e.
“Doy out hinkt hisisf unny ?”Idi dn’trealiseIhad
l
aughed.“ Il
l showy ouf unnyy ouf atbi t
ch!”My
mindcoul dn’ tconnectt hesoundoft hezi pper
openingt owhatf oll
owednext .Ital l
feltl i
kean
outofbodyexper ienceashepul l
edmydr ess
upandt oreatmypant ies.Mybodyr evol t
edat
whathewasaboutt odo.If oughthi mt hen
pull
ingandpushi ng,buthi sgr ipwasst ronger .I
nearlyvomi tedwhenIf elthim har dagai nstmy
ass.Thent heexcr uciatingpai nt hatf oll
owedas
heimpal edhi msel fonmyasshadme
screami ng.Het oreatmeov erandov erasI
beggedhi mt ost opunt ilmyv oi cewashoar se.
ThenIl aidt her etakinghi spuni shment .Hi s
gruntagai nstmyearmadesomet hingi nme
crawl,Itast edt hebi t
ternessi nmymout has
everythi
ngIat ecameoutont hesof a.

“
Cleany
our
sel
fup!
”Icoul
dbar
elyhear
.The
soundofhi mf ixi
nghi scl ot hesl oudert hanhi s
voice.“IhopeIdon’ thav et oteachy out his
l
essonagai n.Youbel ongt omeSi sonke.No
onewi l
lev erhav ey oubutme. ”Thesoundof
hisfoot stepsdi sappear eddownt hehal l and
thenIhear dt heshowerr unni ng.Ir emai ned,
withmypant iesdownmyankl es, mydr ess
aroundmywai standat hr obbingpai ninmyass.
Thesoundofadooropeni ng,andcl osinghad
medr aggingmy selfofft hecouch.Ev eryst epI
tookhur t
.Thedoorcl osingmusthav ebeen
Lucasl eav ingbecausenooneel sewasi nt he
housebutme.Icoul dn’tst ayher e.Notany mor e.
Imayhav ebeenst upidenought oendur et he
verbal abuse, itwasnot hi ngnew, Igr ewuponi t.
Butt hephy si
cal abusewasast ept oof ari nmy
book.Iwasl eav i
ngany way .Igrabbedmybag
andmykey sandgi ngerlymademywayt omy
car.Pinsofpai nshott hroughmybodyasIsat
behindt hewheel .Mybodywasi mmedi at el
y
drenchedi nsweatandIwasbr eat hinghar d
tr
yingt
oregulat
emybr eat
hing.Ineededto
pushpassthepainandgetoutoftherebefor
e
Lucasret
urned.

Myhear twant edt odr i

vet owar dsMkhul uli
’s
house, butIcoul dn’tlethim seemel ikethat .Al
l
bruised,batteredandv i
olated.Hewoul dnev er
l
ookatmet hesameway .Iwasn’ twort
hyofhi s
l
ov eany way.Whowoul dwantsomeonewho
hadj ustbeenv i
olatedi nthewayI ’dj
ustbeen?
So,Idr ovetomymot her’
shouse.Thepai n
overrodemyanxi ety.Iwasgr atefult
hatIst i
ll
hadt hekey stot hehouse.Ipar kedbyt hef r
ont
entranceandl i
mpedi nside.If oundhersi tt
ing
i
nt heki t
chenhi ghchai rwi thagl assofor ange
j
uice.Theonl yindicat i
ont hatshewasshocked
wast hesl i
ghtwi deni ngofherey es.

“
Hel
l
omama.
”Ist
oodi
nthecent
reoft
he
ki
tchen,
myl egst
rembl
i
ngf
rom pai
nand
exhaust
ion.

“
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?”

“I
sthatal
lyouhavetosay?Youseey our
daught
erbrui
sed,
batter
edandbl eedi
ng!And
al
lyouhavetosayis“whatI
’m doi
nghere’!
’

“Whatdoyouwantmetosay
?”Hernonchal
ant
behavi
ourgr
atedonme.

“
Mama,
hehur
tme!
’Myv
oicebr
oke.

“Whatdidy
oudo?”Myey eswi dened.“Hetol
d
mey ouweresl
eepingwi
ththatconv i
ct!Don’
t
denyit
.Howcany ouembarrassmel ikethat
!I
hopeyoulear
nedyourl
esson!
”Ifl
i
nchedat
ever
yword.Herwordshurtmoret
hanwhat
Lucasdi
dt ome.

“
Arey
ouev
enmymot
her
!’

“Ofcour
se,
Iam!Somet
hingIr
egr
etever
ydamn
day!
”Thewordsst
ungl
i
keasharpsl
ap.

“
MyGoddaddywasr
ight
…”

“Hewasnoty ourf
ather
!”Shescreamed.Al
lher
composuregone.Ifi
nal
lysawthehuman
behi
ndthefaçade,andi
twasn’tpret
ty.
“Whatdoyoumean?
”Shetookadeepbreat
h
hereyesbl
azi
ng,
wasithat
eorpai
n?Itcoul
d’v
e
beenboth.
“Hewasn’ty
ourfather!”shesaidquiet
lyher
eyesonherhands.Shewasl y
ing.Shehadtobe.
Every
onetol
dmeIl ookedli
kemydad.Li kehis
mother.

“
Whyareyoudoi
ngthis?Doy ouhat
emethat
much?Totr
yanddestroytheonl
ygood
memoryofmychi
ldhood.”

“Youruncl eisyourfather .
”Ial mostdidn’thear
her , ener gyseemedt ohav eleftherbody .“Iwas
sixt eenwhenImety ourdad, chubbywi th
braces.Wehi ti
toffinstantly.Hewasmyf i
rst
ev er ything.WhenIt urnedsev enteen,Iwant ed
tosur pr i
sehim, soIwentt ov i
sithim.Buthe
wasn’ tt hereandguesswhowast here?Your
uncl e.Het oldmeIwasj usthist ype,
t hathe
l
ov edt hem chubbyashepr oceededt or apeme.
Hesai dnoonewoul dbel i
eveme.Hewast he
favourit
eoft hefamily.Yourfatherdidthough,
tri
edt ohavehim arrestedbuthi sfamilymust
hav edonesomet hi
ngbecauset hedocket
disappeared.Itookamor ni
ngaf terpil
landyour
fatherandIr anaway .Tomysur pri
se,seven
mont hslaterIwaspr egnant.Itwast oolatet
o
abor t
.Yourfatherbeggedmet okeepy ou.
”She
spatoutt helastsentence.

“
Howsur
ear
eyou…”

“BecauseIhadn’ tbeeni nti

mat ewi t
hy ourfat
her
forovertenmont hs!
”Nowi tmadesensewhyI
nevermetanyofmyf at her’
sf amil
y.Ifeltasi
f
wallswer ecr
umbl i
ngar oundme.Yett heywere
closi
ngi nonme.Rest ri
ctingmyabi l
it
yt o
breathe.Shestood, hershoul dershunchedand
walkedaway .Iturnedandl ef
t, dr
ivi
ngt othe
onlypersonwhodi dn’tseemeasf i
lt
h.May beI
wasf il
thy .Iwasapr oductofr apeandmy
mot hernev erwant edme.Iki lledtheonlyman
whoev erlov edme.I t’
sther easonIwasr aped.
Everythingwasbl urryast earsblindedme.The
dist
ancesoundofahoot erhadmel ooki
ng
around, justintimet oseeat ruckcloserthanit
should’vebeen.Thel astthingIf eltwasthe
soundofscr eechi
ngt ir
esandmet alagai
nst
met albef oreev er
ythingwentdar k.Iwasf i
nal
ly
atpeace.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er19

Isitinthelounge, l
aptopl yi
ngf orgottenonmy
l
ap.Mymi ndsti
llwonder st otheev entsoft he
previousnightandmor ningandIcan’ tseem t o
wipet hesmi l
eof fmyf ace.Idon’ tcarewhatI
hav etodobutSi sonkewi ll
bemi ne.Ipickup
myphoneandf rownwhenIseenor esponset o
mymessageIsentear l
ier.Ani ggleofwor ry
pokesatmyconsci ence.Whati fherhusband
sawt hemessage?Bi l
erisestomyt hroatatthe
wor dhusband.Thatswi nei nnotherhusband,
heshoul dn’thavemar ri
edher .I ’
m startl
edtoa
j
umpwhenmyphoner i
ngsi nmyhandand
Nozi ’
snamef l
ashesont hescr een.I’vebeenso
l
osti nthoughtst hatIhav en’
tev encheckedup
ont hem thismor ning.
“
Babysi
s.”

“
Lul
i
,”hert
onehasmesit
ti
ngupandpl
aci
ng
t
hel
aptoponthecof
feet
abl
e.

“
What
’swr
ong?Ar
eyouokay
?”

“
Therehasbeenanacci
dent
.”Achi
l
lzi
ps
t
hroughmyspine.

“
Noz
i,i
sitZano?
”

“No,it’
sSisonke.”Thechi llt
urnsintoiceasmy
wor l
dfall
sintodar kness.“Thecommuni t
y
What sAppgrouphaspi ctures.Therewasan
accidentthi
smor ning.I
t’
shercar ,Iknowit.
”I’
m
tr
yingtoregulatemybr eathingbutI’
m battl
i
ng.
I
tfeel
sli
keaboul
deri
ssi
tt
ingonmychest
.

“Doyouknowwhichhospi
tal
?”I
’
m sur
pri
sedI
’
m
sti
l
labl
etospeak.

“No,
therei
sn’
tmuchi nf
ormati
ononthatgroup.
Butt
henearestpr
ivat
ehospit
alisStAnne’
s.
Lul
ithi
swashoursago.”Hertoneisl
adenwith
worr
y .

“Okay,I’
llgocheck.I ’
llbeintouch.”I
i
mmedi atelydi alThabobecauseIneedhi mt o
dri
vemear ound.Icur semyi nabil
itytodriv
e.It
i
sn’treall
yal uxurybutanecessi tyandt hathas
becomeev i
dent .Icallt
hehospi t
alasIwai t.
Theyconf irmt hattherewasanacci dentvi
cti
m
broughtinaf ewhour sagobutt heycan’tgive
mef urtherinf ormation.I
’m alr
eadywai ti
ngfor
Thaboout sidet hecompl ex.Hedoesn’ tmake
i
dlechatashedri
vesasfastashecan.The
l
adyatrecept
ioni
skindenoughtogi
v emethe
i
nfor
mat i
onIneedanddir
ectsustotheward
Si
sonkeisin.

“I
’l
lstayher e,”Thabosay saswer eacht hefl
oor
Sisonkeissupposedt obei n.Inodandl eave
hi
mi nt hewai t
ingarea.Ther eisanur se
stati
onedint hesmal lrecepti
onandshedi r
ects
met owher eSi sonkei s.Ifi
ndi toddt hatnoone
askshowr elatedwear e.ImeanIassumedone
couldn’tj
ustwal t
zthroughahospi tal.Wast hat
evensaf efort hepatient?Thef loorSi sonkeis
i
nhasmost lyempt ybedsandIf i
ndheri nthe
cornerfaci
ngt hewindows.Iwal kcl osertoher
untilI
’
m standi ngbehi ndher .

“Si
sonke.
”Shedoesn’trespond“
baby.
”Again
noresponse.Thenherbodybegi
nstoshake,
whenIhearasni f
f,Igoar oundt of aceher .Ipul
l
achairandsi t.Shehasherey est ightlyclosed
buttheydon’ tpreventt hesilentt ear sleaking
outofherey es.Shehasadar kbr uisear ound
herey eandherl owerl ipisspl itandswol l
en.
Thisisawei rdplacet obei njuredf rom an
accident.“
Baby ,openy ourey es.Letmesee
you.”Sheshakesherheadast earscont i
nuet o
fal
l.JustthenIhearal oudv oicet hatIwoul d
neverevermi stakef orany one’ sbutt hat
asshole.Sisonke’sey esf l
yopenandshegr abs
myhandi nat i
ghtgr ip.

“Pleasedon’tall
owhiminhere.Idon’
twantto
seehi m.Please.
”Shepleadshertone
desperate.Mybr owdr
awst oget
herbutInod.I
standast heswineappr
oaches.

“
Whatt
hehel
lar
eyoudoi
ngi
nmywi
fe’
s
hospit
albed?”Heaskshist
wangunmi
stakabl
e
anditannoystheshi
toutme.

“Shedoesn’ twanty ouhere,soleave.

”
Somet hingfli
ckersinhiseyes.I’
m notsureif
i
t’sfearorannoy ancebuthedoesn’ tbackdown.
Hemov esclosertowardsSisonke’sbed.Imov e
towardshi m andblockhisway .Ireadytobeat
himt oapul p,consequencesbedamned.

“Youaretheonewhoshouldn’tbeher
e.Sheis
mywi f
e!”Hisgazemovesfrom metothecoil
ed
bundl
eont hebed.“
Baby,Ineedtoknowifyou
areokay.
”

“Leave.
”Isaymyt eet
ht i
ghtened.“I
fyoudon’t
l
eav e,I
’
llmakeyouleave.Don’ttestme.”He
l
ooksatmeandt henhest aggersbackwards.
Afterabri
efpause,heturnsandhest or
msout .
Itakeadeepbreat
hrel
easi
ngthetensi
oninmy
chestt
henIret
urntomychair
.“Heisgone.
”

“
Thanky
ou.
”Shewhi
sper
s.

“
Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
”Ast
upi
dquest
iont
oask.

“SorebutI’
m okay.”Justthent
hedoctorwal
ks
i
nf oll
owedbyanur sewit
hat r
ayofmedicat
ion.
Hequi ckl
yglancesatmebutt henr
eturnshi
s
gazet oSi
sonke,whohasherbodycur l
edint
oa
ballonthebed.

“MrsDl
ami
ni,wehav
eyoux-
rayr
esul
ts.Canwe
speaki
npr
ivat
e?”

“
No,
Mkhul
uli
canst
ay.Hei
saf
ri
end.
”Iwat
ch
asshesi
tsup,herf
acedt
wist
edi
npai
n.It
ryt
o
hel
pbutshecoil
sawayfr
om me.

“Therearen’
tanyper manentinj
uries.Onlythe
brui
sesf r
om theimpactoftheairbagand
seat
belt.Nowor sethantheotherinjur
ies.
”She
cl
osesherey estightl
yasift
owar dof fthe
doctor
’swords.Hel ooksatmeasi funsureto
conti
nue.

“
Whatotheri
njur
ies?”Ihav
easinki
ngsuspi
cion
j
udgi
ngbythebruisesonherf
ace.

“
Idon’
twantt
otal
kabouti
t.
”Shequi
ckl
ysay
s.

“
Sonke.
..
”
“
NoMkhul
uli
,Ican’
t.
”Theangui
shi
nherv
oice
f
ray
satmyheart.

“EhMr sDlami ni
,theimpactony ourabdomen.”
Thedoct orlooksupatmewi thpit
yinhiseyes.
Sisonkehasn’tlookedupsi ncet
heywal kedin.
Infactshehasn’ tlookedatmeint heeye.“
I’
m
sorrybutyoul ostthebaby.Ther
ewasal otof
bleedi
ng.”Painsl i
cesthroughmyabdomenas
hergazef l
iestot hedoctor.

“Whatbaby
?”Thedoct
orf
rownsl
ooki
ng
bet
weenus.

“
Mr sDlamini
,youwer epregnant
.Maybeov
er
f
ourweeks, wecan’tbesure.”If
eeli
cel
andon
myspinethenspreadt hr
oughmyv ei
ns
t
hreat
eningtoparal
y seme.
“Ican’
thavekids.
”Shewhi
sper
s,herbr
ows
drawntogether.

“Icanassureyouma’am y
oucan.Didyoutake
anytest
st overi
fyt
hat?
”sheshakesherhead.

“
Ijustassumed.We’v
ebeent
ryi
ngf
ory
ear
sand
i
tneverhappened.
”

“Wel l
,i
ttakestwot omakeababy ,Mr sDlami ni.
That ’
swhyIal waysadv i
sebot hpar tnerstobe
tested.I’
m sorr
yfory ourloss. ”Shegi vesa
smal lnod,butthesil
entt earscont inuetofall.I
feelli
keI’minamazef il
ledwi thf og.Mymi ndi s
scrambl i
ngtoputt hepiecest oget herbutev ery
ti
meIdo, i
tfeelsli
kelit
tl
ekni vesar esli
cing
throughme.I sitpossibl
et hatt hebabywas
mi ne?“MrsDlami ni
,theot heri njuri
esy ouhav e,
doy ouwantt opresschar ges?Wemanagedt o
getasampl eofspermf rom yourvaginabutt he
analorifi
ceisbadlytearedandt hereisn’ttr
aces
ofsper m.”Myhear t
beatisloudi nmyear sand
thetightnessinmychestscar esme.If eara
heartattack.Si
sonkelookspal e,li
keshei s
aboutt opassout .“
Theonewehav eisenough,
withthebr ui
ses,youhav easolidcase. ”The
doctorcont i
nuesobli
vioustoourdi stress.An
anguishmoansoundsi nt heroom andbyt he
l
ookofconcer nonthenur seanddoct or ,I
real
iseitcamef rom me.

“Sir
,areyouokay ?
”Icanhar dl
yheart hedoctor
asshar ppressuresqueezesmychest .Ican’t
breathe.Ifeelli
keI’m dr
owning.“Breathe,come
ondeepbr eat hinthenout.That’
sit.That’sit
.”I
feelthepressurelessoningandIcant akeeasy
breathsafterawhi l
e.Whatt hefuckwast hat
?
“Anxietyattack.
”Thedoct oranswersasi fhe
readmymi nd.Myshi rti
ssticki
ngtomybody
drenchedinsweat .Istandandl eanagainstt he
wall asmykneest hreatentobuckle,handsi n
mypocket s.If
eari fIdon’tImightgrabSi sonke
andhol dherti
ght.Wi t
ht hewayshei ssitting,I
doubtshewoul dev erallowanyoneel seto
touchheragain.Shei stense,wearyandon
guard.Shelookslikeawoundedani mal ready
toflee.

“Idon’
twantt
opresschar
ges.
”Thesmal
lvoi
ce
hasmeshaken.

“
Sonke.
..
”

“
NoMkhul
uli
.Mymi ndi
smadeup.”Hervoi
cei
f
f
ir
merf
ort
hef i
rstt
imesi
nceIwal
kedinher
e.

“
Wewi
l
lkeepy
ouov
erni
ght
,justt
omoni
tor
yourbl
eedi
ng.I
sthereany
onewhocanhelpy
ou
applyt
hemedicat
ionwhenyougethome?
”

“I’
l
ldoit.
”Mygr av
elv oicesoundsstrangeeven
i
nmyear s.Thedoct ornodsandl eaveswiththe
nurse.Thesi l
encethatdescendsbet weenusi s
heavyanduncomf ortable.“
Whodi dthis?
”Iask
eventhought herockt hathassettl
edinmygut
tel
lsmeIal readyknow.

“Lucas.”Thewhi speredconf i
rmationisgutti
ng.
“Heknewwher eIwas.Hewasn’ tsupposedt o
behome. ”How?Wasn’ theawayonbusi ness?
Thisispar t
lymyf ault.God,sheisher ebecause
ofme.It hinkthrought hepeoplethatwer ewith
mel astnight.CoulditbeHope?May beshe
knowsLucast hroughherbusi ness,butHope
hasknownaboutSi sonkeforawhi le.Why
wouldshechoosel astnight?‘I
sn’tthiswoman
mar ri
ed?’Ishakemyheadatt hememory.No!i
t
can’tbe!Howt hehellwoul
dsheknowLucas?I
dismissthet hought.Hemusthavehadher
foll
owed.

“Youneedtopresschar
gesbaby .”Imov eclose
tohersi
tt
ingonthechairnexttoherbed.She
l
ooksatmet henhereyesdull,
li
feless.If
ighta
gasp.

“Whosesperm doyouthi
nkthedoct
orfound?”I
moment ar
il
ycl
osemyey esasthetr
uthofwhat
shesayssetsi
n.“Ineedtobeal
oneMkhululi
.
Pleasego.
”Sheturnsandfacet
heotherway.I
remainseat
ed.“Pl
ease.
”

“I
’l
lcomebacklat
er.
”Wehavealott
ot al
k
about.Weneedtomour
nourbabytogetherand
Iment al
l
ysweart
oseehert
hroughthi
s.
“WhatthefuckMkhu!
”Thabojumpst ohi
sfeet
themomentIwalkoutoftheward.“I
sshe
okay?
”Ishakemyhead.Ican’
tspeakpassthe
l
umpl oggedinmythr
oat.“
Ohshit!Shedi
dn’t
makeit…”

“No.Shei sal i
ve.”Ihearhi
mt akearel
iev ed
breath.Hedoesn’ taskanymorequesti
onsof
whichI ’
m gr at
eful.Idon’
tthi
nkIcanstringafull
sentencet ogether.Irushtot
hesideoft he
pavementt hemomentwewal koutofthe
hospitalandt hrowup.IcanseeThabopaci ng
behindme.

“
Whatthehel
lhappenedman?
”Hef
inal
l
yasks
whenwearei
nthecar.

“I
’m notsur
e.Alothappened.Canwenott
alk
aboutitnow?”Henodsandpul l
sint
other
oad.
Hekeepsgl
anci
ngatmeaswedr i
vei
nsi
l
ence.
Ipul
loutmyphoneanddi
alMusa.

“
Mkhu.
”

“
Howf
arar
eyouwi
tht
hef
avourIaskedy
ou?
”

“Notther
eyet
.Ihav
etobecar
eful
hedoesn’
t
catchon.
”

“
Ineedy
out
oputapushoni
t.Pl
ease.
”

“Wil
ltr
y.”Ihangupandlookoutthewindow
unseei
ng.Ionlyreal
isewe’
vearr
ivedhome
whenThaboswi tchesofft
hecar.

“
Njay
am.Speakt
ome.
”Idon’
tgetoutoft
he
car
,sowesi
tinsi
l
ence.Thabopat
ient
lywai
ti
ng.

“Lenjaf oundoutaboutus.Hehur ther.

”My
voicebr eaks.Itakeadeepbreath.“Hev i
olat
ed
herinway snohumanshoul dbe.I ’
m notsure
whatel sehappenedbutshegoti nanaccident
andt hei mpactcausedhertomi scarry
.Itwas
mybaby .”Iwhisperthel
astpart
.Thabo’ ssharp
i
ntakeofbr eathtel
lsmehehear d.Hisgripon
myshoul derkeepsmegr ounded.

“
Whatdoy
ouneedmet
odo?
”
“
Nothingyet.
”Thereisapause.“Butheisgoing
t
opay .Foral
lofit
.Iwanthimtohur t
,notj
ust
f
oramoment .Forther
estofhisli
fe.
”Witha
r
esol
ut i
onmade.Ipusht hedooropenandwal k
i
ntothehouset ofi
ndtwoanxiouspairofeyes
wai
ti
ng.Theirfacecrumpleatwhattheyseeon
myface.
“Sheisali
ve.”Thabor eassuresthem.Idon’
t
speakt oany oneasIr ushpassthem t
omy
room,closingt hedoorbehindme.Herscent
sti
lll
i
ngersi nt heroom.Ithrowmy sel
fonthe
bedandbur ymynosei nthepil
l
owsheused, I
all
owt hetear sI’
vebeenholdingtofal
l.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er20

NoLucasst op!Pl easest op.Ipr omi seI’

lldo
better,I
’l
lbegood.No.No.Thepai ni sblinding,
excruciati
ng.If eelli
kemyi nsidesar ebei ng
ri
ppedoutofme.Imanaget oescapehi m.Hi s
eyesar eblazingwi t
hhat eashechasesme.My
kneeswon’ thol dme.Theyf eel l
ikecot t
on.No
mat terhowhar dIt r
yt oincreaset hespeed
nothinghappens.I ’m slowingdown.Hecat ches
upwi t
hmeasIf allfl
atonmyass.Hest ands
abov eme, hissmi lemani c.Hehasapol einhi s
hands.Het wistsitaround.Hehasusedi t
befor etopunishme.ThenMkhul ulistandsnext
tohim.Di sappoi ntedinme.Il ookpat heticto
him Icanseei tinhisey es.Mymot herappear s
nextt othem, withal ookofdi sgustonherf ace.
Wor t
hless.Useless.Abominati
on.Spawnofthe
devil
.Fat.Stupid.Pat
heti
c.Unlovabl
e.Unwor
thy.
Thosear ethewor dstheythr
owar ound.
Mkhul ul
iissil
entbutthelookof
disappointmentinhiseyesspeaksv ol
ume.
ThenLucasshov esthepipeupmyass.A
scream tearsthroughme.

Thedoorf l
ewopenedandahaggar dlooki
ng
Mkhululi
camer unning.Iwassi t
ti
ngupont he
bedfight
ingof ftheremnant softhenightmare.
I
twasadr eam thatreoccurredeverynight
.
Sli
ghtl
ydifferentinplacesbutjustas
debil
i
tati
ng.Mkhul ul
istandsunsureatthefoot
ofthebed, concernet chedonhisface.

“Samedr eam?”heasked.Hedi dn’

tattemptt
o
getanycloserbecausemyr esponsetoany
closenesswasautomatic.IhatedthatIwas
thatwayar
oundhi
m.ThatIf
oldedandcr
inged
atever
ytouch.

“CanIhav ewat erplease. ”Henoddedandl eft

theroom.Hi sr oom t hathe’ dgi venupt ome
weeksago.Weeksofheal i
ngandf eeli
ngev er
y
humili
ationev eryt i
me, het ookcar eofmy
i
njuri
es.Icoul dn’tlookhi mi ntheey e
aft
erwards.Thephy sical scarswer ehealed
nowbutmymi ndl i
vedi nt orment edsi l
ence.I
seemedt oplayt heev entsoft hatdayl ikea
l
oopi nmyhead.Thent heni ghtmar es
exaggeratedt hem andcr eat edev enmor e
ter
ri
fyingscenar i
os.Mkhul uliwal kedinwi tha
bott
leofcol dwat erandpl acedi tont he
pedestal.Hest oodunsur e; hishandsbur iedin
thepocket sofhi ssweat pant s.

“
Doy
ouwantt
otal
kabouti
t?”Heasked.I
shookmyhead.“ Itwil
l getbet terSi sonke.I
promi se.”InoddedbutIdi dn’ tthinki twoul d.I
wassi nkingi nt
oadar khol eandIdi dn’thav e
thewi llt
of ightmywayoutof .Ev erydayI
want edt osuccumbt ot hedar knessbecauseI
fel
tint hedar kiswher eIwoul df indpeace.I
foundsol acei ntheuglywor dsmymot her
spoket ome.Theywer ef ami liar,soot hing,my
onlytruth.AndwhenLucasr eiteratedt hem, i
t
enforcedwhoIwas.Pat hetic, wor thless,
useless, nuisance, f
at,unwor thy ,exhaust ing,
stupid.Thel i
stwasendl ess.Ther ewascomf ort
i
nt heirugl i
ness.I tfel
tlikeani tchonaheal ing
wound.I tf eltgoodunt ilitbegant obl eed.I
cravedt hei tch.Nooneel seunder st oodthis.
Noonewoul dbel i
evehowdar kandt wi
stedmy
mindhadbecome.Theny ouhadpeopl elike
Mkhul uli
, bri
ghtast hesun, thei rli
ghtwas
bli
ndingandt err
ifyi
ngt osomeonewho’ dlived
i
nt hedar kmostoft heirlives.I thur tmyey es
andIcoul dn’tholditsgaze.Hi ski ndnesswas
chaffi
ng.Icouldn’
tbel
ieveitort
rustit
.Ihadno
pri
orexperiencewithi
t.TheonlypersonIever
fel
tthatwith,Ikil
l
edhim.ThatwaswhoIwas.
Aproductofr ape,aki
l
ler,andaspineless
coward.

“Sisonke.
”Theangui shedwayhecal l
edmy
namehadmel ookingup.If oundal ookfill
ed
wi t
hpaininhisey es.“
Pleasef ight
.”Hisv oi
ce
brokeandIlookedaway .Hewasaski ngal ot
from me.Ididn’thaveitinmet ofight
.Iwasa
useless,pat
heticcowar d.“Pleasebaby .
”The
painedendearmentgr ated.Wecoul d’
vehada
babybutIkill
edhi m orher .Ihadnobusi ness
drivi
ngacaragai n.Thatwasme, always
destroyedwhatwasgood.

“Ineedtogobackt
osleepMkhulul
i
.”He
hesit
atedforaf
ewseconds.Hi
shandreached
outformebutf el
lbef
oreitcouldr
eachme.
May bebecauseheknewt hetouchwasn’
t
welcomedormay bebecausemybodyhad
tensedatthemov ement
.

“Goodni ght.
”Iwaitedunt i
l t
hedoorcl osedwi t
h
asof tclick.ThenIpul l
edt hecov ersof fand
wentt otakeashower .Thet earsnev erstop
fall
ing.You’ dthi
nkmygl andswoul d’
v edriedup
bynowbutt hatwasn’ tthecase.Ihat edt he
tears.Ihat edtheconst antpaint hatIfeltinmy
chest .Ihatedmy self.Mostday sIwant edt odie.
Ireall
ybel ievedtherewaspeaceont heot her
side.May be.Butthecowar dthatIam, Ididn’
t
havet hegut stof i
ndout .

Ever
ymorni
ngIwaswokenupbyMkhululiwith
acupofcoff
ee.Heonl
ycameinwhenNozi and
Zanohadgonefort
heday.Heknewear
lyon
thatIcouldn’
tdeal wi
ththem.Thel ookofpain
andpi t
yintheireyeswhenev ertheysawme.So
Iavoidedthem asmuchasIcoul d.Ionly
enduredMkhul uli
.Iwantedtogo, escapeto
somepl acenooneknewme.Butbei ngonmy
ownt erri
fi
edme.Ihadnev erbeenonmyown
before.Iwatchedhim ashewal kedi nwi t
ha
cupandpl aceditonthepedest al nexttome.

“Ihaveabusinessmeet ingIneedt oat t

end.Wi l
l
youbeokayony ourown? ”Inev eraskedwhat
hewasdoi ng.Forsomeonewhowentt oj ai
l
withnothi
ng,heseemedt obedoi ngokay .In
factbett
erthanokay .Mostoft hetimehesat
forhoursonhislaptop.Nev erfarawayf rom me
aswespentday ssittingoutsideintheshade.
Orhewasont hephone.Af ewt i
meshel ef tfor
meet i
ngs.Thabofetchedhim andIwasgr ateful
thatThabowai t
edf orhim outside.Inodded.
Speakinghadbecomeachor e.Ionlyspoke
wheni twasnecessar yto.Hecookedal lthe
meal sinthehouseandencour agedmet oeat .
Ifi
twasn’ tf
orhim gentlyremindingme.I
wouldn’teat.Hereal
isedear l
yont hatIvomited
aft
ereat i
ngaheav ymeal ,sohemadet hem
l
ighterandsmal l
erpor t
ions.

Oncehewasgone, Isatonthebedf acingthe

window.Not hingr eal
lytoseebutt he
occasionalbi rdthatwoul dfl
ybyorsi tonthe
windowseal .Ihadnophone.Af terImadesur e
thatLucasr eceivedt hedivorcepaper s,I
switcheditof fandputi taway .Becausesome
twistedpartofmef eltl
ikeIdeser vedwhathe
didtome.Iwasabadwi f
ethatcheat edand
neededt obepuni shed.Sohepuni shedme.I t
wasexcr uciatinganddehumani sing.Exact l
y
whatIdeser v edandneeded.Thenasmal l
part
ofmer ev
oltedatt hethoughthenceIhi dmy
phoneawayt oav oidthetempt ationofcal l
ing
thedev il
andbeggi nghi mf orforgiveness.
Lucast ri
edtor efusethedi vorceatf i
rstbutI
threatenedhim wi t
hpr essingchar gesandt ol
d
himt hatthedoct orshadcompi ledenough
evidenceagainsthi m.Cl earlythatwor ked
becauseaweekagomyl awy erhadcont acted
met hr
oughMkhul uli
letti
ngmeknowt hat
Lucasr etur
nedt hesignedpaper s.Itwasan
easypr ocessbecauseoft het ypeofmar riage
wehad.Thehouseandbot hcar swer einhi s
name.Idi dn’
tcar eaboutt hatasl ongasIwas
asf arawayf r
om hi m asIcoul dget .Truthi sI
didn’ttr
ustmy selfenought ost ayawayf rom
him.HewaswhatIknew.
Iwassitti
ngintheloungewatchi
ngtheTVbut
notreal
lyseei
ngany t
hingwhentherewasa
soundofakeyont hedoor.Myf i
rsti
nsti
nctwas
toruntothebedroom butbef
oreIcouldeven
decidet
hedooropenedandZanowal kedin.He
hadabackpackandhi ssport
sbag.The
wideningofhiseyeswastheonl ysurpr
isehe
showed.Hebr okeintoawidegr i
nanddr opped
al
lhisbagsont hef l
oor
.Her ushedtowardsme
andmybodysei zedupinfear.Hecamei ntoan
abruptstopbeforeme.Hisey escl
oudingwi t
h
concern.

“I
’m sorr
y.Idi
dn’tmeant oscareyou.”Hesaid
hisvoicegent
le.Inodded.“Iwasjusttoohappy
toseey ou.
”Hebackedawayf rom me.“Eh.How
wasy ourday?”Heaskedpi cki
nguphi sbags
fr
om thef l
oor
.

“Okay.Andy ours?”Ihatedthesti
l
ted
conversat
ionbet weenus.Zanohadal ways
beenmyper son.Wej okedaroundalotandI
l
ovedhi m dearl
y.

“
Good.Wehav
efi
nal
scomi
ngup.Sot
rai
ningi
s
i
ntense.”Hespokewal ki
ngtowar dshi
sr oom.
“Youshouldcomehey .It
’sgoingtoepicandit’
s
i
nt woweeks. ”I
’l
lbedeadbyt hen.Thethought
creepedin.Jarr
ingandterr
if
ying.
“May be.
”Isaid.Mkhul ul
i wal kedi nafterwards
carryi
nghislapt opbagandphonei nhand.He
woref or
mal pant sandfor mal shirt
.I’
donl y
seenhi minjeansandt -
shirts.Hel ookedgood
i
nf ormalwear .ButMkhul uli lookedgoodi n
everythi
ng.Theener gycr ackedandchangedi n
theroom.Idi dn’tknowwhati tisabouthi mt hat
mademeawar eofhispresencei nway sI’
d
neverbeforewi thanyone.I tmademe
uncomf ort
able, r
estl
ess.Likehesawt hrough
me.Hesawpar t
sofmet hatshoul dn’tbeseen.
Iwasal waysr awandopen, all myv ul
nerabil
ity
gapingopenar oundhim.Ihat edthat.Iwanted
toprotecthim againstthedar kness.Hewas
pureandcl ean.Iwouldt ainthi m wit
hmy
ugli
ness.
“Hey.
”Hegreet
edstandi
ngbef
oreme.Hehada
fr
ownohhi sf
acewhil
etoyi
ngwit
haphonein
hishand.Hel
ookedatmeandIbegant
o
squir
m.

“Hell
o. ”Hesmi l
ed,hissmi l
esadandhi seyes
gli
stened.Inot i
cedt hent hatheseemedt ohav e
l
ostabi tofwei ght.Ther ewasst il
ldefini
ti
onin
hismuscl es,buthewasn’ tasbig.Hi shairwas
l
ongerandhi sbear dhadgr own.Hel ooked
older.Exhaust ed.Ithadbeenawhi lesinceI
reall
yl ookedathi m.Themomentt het hought
hitmeIl ookedaway .Ifelthim walki
ngaway .
Hest il
l hadhi scl
othesi nt hebedroom Iused
buthedi dn’tusethesamebat hroom asme.So,
he’donl ygetachangeofcl ot
heswhenev erI
wasn’ tinther oom.Iknewhesl eptont he
couchbecauseatt imeswhenIwaswokenup
bytheni ghtmaresIwoul dgof oragl assof
waterandf indhim sl eepi
ngont hecouch.He
camebackouti
nsweatpant
sandsneaker
sas
i
fhewasgoingforaj
og.

“Let ’
sgof orawal k,”Hesai d.Mygazef lewt o
his.Hi sjawwasseti nast ubbor nstanceand
hedi dn’tseem l i
kehewoul dt akenof oran
answer .Idi dn’
thav et heener gyt oarguesoI
gotupandwentt oputonmysneaker s.Iwas
alreadyi nl eggingsandanov ersizedt -
shi rt.Al
l
thecl othesandt oil
etriesIhadhadbeenbought
byMkhul uliOrNozi .Inev erwant edt or eturnto
thathousef orany t
hing.For tunat el
y,mybag
hadcar ri
edmyI Danddr ivers’ l
icenceandt he
par amedi cshadkepti tsaf ef orme.Thesame
par amedi cswhot oldmeIhadbeenl uckyt hat
thet ruckhadswer vedj ustint i
meandt her ehad
beennoot hercar s.Ionl yhi tat raff
iclight.
Thankgoodnessf orsmal l mer cies.Ididn’ tthi
nk
Iwoul d’
vehandl edknowi nganot herlif
ehad
beent akeni nmyhands.
Iwalkedoutandf oundMkhul ul
i l
eaningagainst
thekit
chencount er.Hedi dn’
tsayany thingasI
cameout .HewalkedoutandIf oll
owedhi m.
Wewal kedsidebysideinsi l
ence.Thest r
eet
s
werequi etwithonlyanoccasional carthat
woulddr iveby.Thetal
ltreesont hesideoft he
roadshel ter
edusf r
om thesun.Wewal kedfora
whil
et henhest oppedandl ookedatme.

“Areyoutir
ed?”heasked.Iwas.Ihadn’tbeenin
thegymi noveramont h.Theonlyacti
vi
tyIhad
l
atelywaswal ki
ngtothebacky ard.Soyes,If
elt
theexert
ion.Inodded.Het ur
nedaroundandwe
walkedbackhome.Thi sbecameourr outi
ne,
onlywediditinthemor ni
ngs.Hewokemeup
beforeanyoneelsecould.Weaddedaf ew
met r
eseacht i
me.Nowor dsspoken.
Mylawy ercal
l
edandtol
dmet hedivorcewas
f
inal
i
sed.WhenIt ol
dMkhulul
iheonlysaid
‘
good’andthatwasit
.Workcall
edandaskedif
Iwasext endingmyl eave.Oni mpulse,Itold
them Iwasr esigning.Ididn’thavetheener gy
forworkorf orany thi
ngel seforthatmat ter.
Thedailywal kswer eallIcouldhandl e.My
fri
endKoket sohadt ri
edtocal lbutInever
answeredhercal lsnorreturnedthem.The
night
mar escont inuedtohauntmydr eamsand
myday swer epl uggedwi thuglyimages.The
onlyti
memymi ndquietedwaswhenIwal ked
withMkhul ul
i.

OneSat urdayhewokemeupbef orethesun

wasup.Het ol
dmet odresscomf or
tablef
ora
hike.Ididn’tar
gue.Thewalkshadbecomewhat
Il
ookedf orwardt
ot hemost.Idr
essedi na
sweat suitandali
ghtert
-shi
rtunderneathj
usti
n
casei tgothotandsneakers.

“
Her
e,”hegav
emeacapt
owear
.Ihadmy
nat uralhai
rtiedi nabun.Ial wayshadl ongand
thicknat ur
al hairthatIdecidedt orelaxforeasy
mai ntenance.Peopl ealway sconf usedmy
nat uralhai
rwi thextensions.Mkhul uli
was
dressedi ncar gopant s,combatboot sanda
hoodi e.Heal socar ri
edabackpack.Whenwe
wal kedoutt herewasacarpar kedinhi s
par ki
ngbutnodr i
ver.Heopenedt hepassenger
doorf ormeandt henwentar oundthedr iv
er’
s
side.

“It
houghty
oucouldn’
tdr
ive?
”Iaskedashesat
behindt
hewheel
.

“Ihadt ol
earnatsomepoi nt.
”Her esponded
start
ingtheengine.Therewashar dnessabout
him,somet hingthathadn’
tbeentherebefor
e.A
senseofcol dnessordetachment.Itwasli
kehe
hadt akenallhi
swar mthandlockedit
somepl acewher enooneel secoul dr eachi t.
Thet houghtmademeshi ver .Thatwasn’ tmy
Mkhul uli.Mkhul uliwast hewar mthandt hel i
ght.
May beIwasr eall
yt aintinghi m.Wedr ovei n
sil
encewi thmusi cpl ay i
ngi nt hebackgr ound.
Hedr ov eusoutoft hesubur bsandi ntot he
outskirtsoft heci t
y.Thel ongst r
etchofar oad
waswi thouthousesnorbui ldingsf orawhi l
e
unti
lhedr ovei ntoar esor t.Itwast hef irstt imeI
wasi nacarsi ncetheacci dentandIwas
surprisedathowcomf ortabl eIwas.Onceatt he
resorthepar kedandwentt ogetapassf ora
hiki
ngt rail
.If oll
owedhi mi nsi l
enceaswe
walkedt helongst retchsur roundedbynot hing
butthesoundsofnat ur e.Wewal kedunt i
l the
suncr eptupandsl owl yr osei nthehor i
zon.
Oncewer eachedar i
vert rail, hefoundanopen
grassedar eaanddr oppedt hebackpack.

“
Wecanr
esther
ebef
orewer
etur
n.”Het
ook
outabl anketfr om thebackpackandl aidi ton
thegr ound.Isatatt heedgeandhesatl eav i
ng
spacebet weenus.“ Ther ear esnacksandwat er
i
nt hebag. ”Hesai dlyi
ngonhi sback, pullingthe
capdownt ocov erhisf ace.Irummaged
throught hebagandt ookoutabot tl
eofwat er.I
wat chedt hewat erasi tstreameddownt he
ri
ver ,crashingagai nstt herocksandt he
ri
ver banks.Thechaot icsoundsoot hing.The
smel l ofgrassandf reshwat ermixedwi t
hmud
fi
ll
edmynost r
ilsmaki ngmedr awdeepbr eaths
thatseemedt ocl earmyl ungs.Icouldbr eat he
easieroutt here.Ther ewer enowal lscl osingi n
onme.Justanexpanseofbeaut if
ulnat ur e.
Event uall
ymybackt i
redandIl ai
ddownonmy
backandcl osedmyey es, t
hesounds
surroundi ngusmor epr onounced.

“
WhenIwasf i
rstgottopr
ison.Ihat
edi
t.
”
Mkhul
uli
spoke,st
artl
i
ngmeoutofmyser ene
escape.Iwassur pr i
sedhewasspeaki ngabout
prison.Henev erspokeabouti tandInev er
asked.Whatashi t
tyf riendIwas.It urnedt o
l
ookathi m.Buthi sf acewasst il
lcoveredbyhi s
cap.“ Ididn’ twantt ospeakt oany one.Ev en
Thabo.Ihat edt hewor ld.Hat edGod.
Quest ionedhi sex i
st ence.Ihadal readybeen
quest ioningi tbef or eIwentt oprison.Goi ngto
prisonsol idifiedmyst anceagai nsthim.Thabo
keptaski ngandpr oddi ng.Hesai dIneededt o
speakabouthowIf eltot herwiseIwoul dgo
crazy .Ididn’ tcar e.”Hechuckl ed.“Iwant edthe
crazy .ThenonedayIgoti ntoaf ightandIwas
l
ockedi ni solat ion.Tr ustme, younev erwantt o
bel ockedal onewi thonl yy ourmi nd.Themi nd
willfucky ouup.WhenIgotout ,Istumbl ed
uponaguy .Hecal ledhi msel fpri
est,because
appar entlypeopl ejustconf essedt ohim.He
didn’tsaymuch.Heonl yl i
stened.Forawhi le,I
spoket opr iest .Comf or t
edt hathedi dn’tknow
me, anddi dn’ tev encar eaboutmet hereforehe
couldn’tpassanyjudgement s.Afterawhi l
emy
mindr elaxedandsawt heposi t
iveinmy
si
tuationinsteadofconcentrati
ngont heworst
.
Beli
eveme, Ihadalotworsegoi ngt hangood.
ThenIbeganmaki ngchangesi nmyl i
fethey
broughtmor eofthepositi
ve.”Hef ellint
o
si
lenceaf ter
wards.Myhear tgall
opedagai nst
mychestast hesil
encestretched.

“Ioncesawat herapistforafewappoi ntment s.

Itwasy earsago.ButIj ustfel
tawkwar d
speakingtoher ,soIstopped.”Ifoundmy self
saying.“I
twast ooimper sonal,y
ouknow. ”I
chancedagl anceathi m buthewasn’ tlooking
atme.“ Youaret heonlypersonIev erspoket o.
Youknow.Dur i
ngt hosewal ksyearsback. ”

“
Thental
ktomeSonke.Layyourburdenson
meandIwil
lhel
pyoucarr
ytheload.Iwil
lnot
crumbl enorf alter.Ipromi seIwon’ tjudge.Iwi l
l
l
isten.”WhenIt ur nedtohi m, hewasl ookingat
me.Hi sey essur e,comf orti
ngandpl eading.I
l
ookedawayf irst.Wer emai nedl i
ket hatf ora
while,unti
l ourshadedi sappear ed.Webegant o
feeltheheat .“Let ’
sgoback. ”Hef oldedt he
blanketandpackedt hebagwhi l
eIt ookof fmy
sweat shi
rtandwr appedi taroundmywast eand
webegant racki ngback.

“WhenIwas7or8, I
’
m notsur e.Buttherewas
beaut ypageantforti
nyt otsatourschool andI
want edtoent er
.Iwenthomeandt ol
dmydad.
Hewasexci tedaboutit.SaidIwashi sbeautif
ul
princesalready,soIhadi ti
nthebag.Thatni ght
Itoldmymot her.Shelaughedunt i
ltearssprung
i
nherey es.

“
Youar
esor
idi
cul
ousSi
sonke.Whenhav
eyou
everseenaf atbeaut ypageant ?
”Shesai d.I
wasn’ tdeterr
ed.Thef oll
owingday ,Iwentt othe
auditi
ons.Wor emyf av ouri
tetutudress.The
enti
reaudi tori
um laughedasIwal kedout .The
kidsteasedmemer cilessly
.WhenIr eturned
homei ntears,mymot hersaid,‘
i t
oldy ouso.
Whywoul dy ougoandhumi li
ateyour sel
fl i
ke
that?Youshoul dl
istent oyourmot her .
’Mor e
i
nstancesl ikethathappened.Ev erytimeI
i
gnor edherwar ni
ngs, Iendedupbei ngthebut t
ofthej oke.”Mychesthur taft
ersuchal ong
speech.Ihadn’ tspokensomanywor dsina
while.

“Iloveyourhair.
”Mkhul ul
isai
dinstead.He
didn’tof
feranysy mpathiesorsoothingwords.
Hej ustcomplementedmyhai r
.Wei r
dguy.We
wal kedi
nsilenceuntilwereachedhiscarthen
hedr oveusbackl i
steningtomusic.
Duringtheweekwedi dlongerstret
chesaswe
walkedar oundtheneighbourhood.Hewoul d
askmer andom questi
onsaboutmychi l
dhood.
Favourit
egamesIpl ay
edwhenIwasachi l
d,
memor i
eswi t
hmydad.It alkedmor eaboutmy
dadandheaskedmequest i
onsabouthim and
ourrelat
ionship.If
eltl
ight
erf oramoment
whenIspokeabouthi m.Thedar knessabated
andIcoul dbreatheeasier
.

“
Hewasn’tmydadyouknow.”Isai
dduri
ng
t
hosedad’
sconver
sati
onsonourSatur
dayhi
ke.
Wewenttodi
ff
erentt
rai
lever
ySatur
day.

“
Oh!
”Her
aisedhi
sey
ebr
owsi
nsur
pri
se.

“Mymot hertoldmeonthatday ,
beforethe
acci
dent.Aft
erLucashurtme, Iwenttoher
houses.Idon’tknowwhymay beIstil
lthought
shewashuman.Shedidn’tseem bot
heredand
rev
ealedtomethatmyfatherwasactuall
ymy
uncl
e,shewasrapedj
ustaftermeeti
ngmy
fat
her.
”Idumpedital
lonhim.Heneededt o
seehowtaint
edanduglyIwas.

“It
hinky ourdadwasy ourdadi neverywayt hat
mat t
ered.IwishIhadmethi m. ”Hesaidandwe
conti
nuedonourwal k-i
nsilencef orawhi l
e.
“Myf atherr
anawayandl eftmymot herwith
thr
eeki ds.Mencanbebast ardssomet i
mes.”
Hesai d.Iagreedwithhi m ont hat.Butnotall
man.Myf atherwasagoodmanwhol oveda
bastardchildashisown.Mkhul ulii
sgoodman.
Agoodmanwhor eallydon’tneedf il
thli
keme.
ButIclingtohim, suckinghi swar mth,his
goodnessandhi sli
ghtbecauseIwassel fi
sh.A
parasitetodrainhim ofallthati sgood.
Onedayhecamebackl aterthanusual wit
ha
dist
antlookinhi seyesandbr ui
sesinhis
knuckleswhenIaskedwher ehegott hem from,
hetoldmef r
om boxing.Thenhet ol
dmewoul d
beawayf ort
heweekend.Iwasl ef
twithkids
whof ussedov erme.Whot ookt hewalkswi th
mewi thoutbeingasked.Theychat t
erednex tto
meaboutnot hingimportantwi t
houttryi
ngto
drawmei ntheirconver
sat i
on.Theirbicker
ing
managedt odrawl i
tt
lesmi l
esf orme.Butitwas
weirdhowImi ssedMkhul uli
’ssil
ent
compani onship.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er21

Notf
orsensi
ti
ver
eader
s!

“Arey oust il
lcontinuingwi tht hewalks?”The
therapistsi t
ti
ngacr ossf rom measks.She
l
ooksmot herlyandhaski ndey esthatar en’
t
j
udgyt hat ’swhatIl i
kemostabouther .Inever
thoughtIwoul dbel yingacouchi nather api
st
offi
cet al kingaboutmyf eelings.Butaf t
er
taki
ngcar eofSi sonke’si nj
ur i
esandr ealisi
ng
thedept hofhert r
aumawhenshebegant o
openup, Icouldn’tjustbe.Ineededt odo
somet hi ng, butIdidn’tknowwhat .Nozi
apparent lyheardmycr iesaf ewtimes, thecri
es
Itri
edv eryhar dtohi def rom them.Ihadnoone
tospeakt o.Ican’tspeakt oHopeany mor e,
wel lshei sisn’tspeaki ngt omebecause
agai nstmybet terjudgementIconf rontedher.
Mor elikeaccusedherofgi vi
ngLucas
i
nf ormat i
on.Herangerwasj usti
fied,Imean
howcoul dIthinksol owofherandIdon’ t
blameherf ornotspeaki ngt omesi nce.That
makesmef eel l
ikeashi t t
yhumanbei ng.
May beIdon’ tknowhowt obef r
iendswi t
h
any oneexceptf orThaboandev enhi m Ican’
t
tellhim ev eryt
hing, Idon’ twantany oneel sei
n
Sisonke’ sbusinesssoIbur i
edherpai nand
carr i
edi twithmewher ev erIwent .Butjustli
ke
Zanoi ssensi t
ive,Ijustr eal i
sedIam j ustas
sensi ti
v eifnotmor e.Sisonke’ spai nbecame
toomuch.Toodar kandIf eltl
ikeIwas
drowni ng.Thewal kswer et helastst r
aw
becauseIwasget tingwor ried.Mor el i
ke
terrif
ied.Iknewi twasonl yamat teroftime
bef oreshecr ossedt othedar kside.Any
ment i
onofget ti
nghel phadherwi t
hdrawing
andcl osingoff.Cry ingint heshowerbecame
myt hingunti
lonedayNoziwaswai
ti
ngforme
outsidetheshowerwhenIcameoutwit
ha
businesscard.

“Luli
,Iknowy ouaredeali
ngwi t
hal otandy ou
can’tspeakaboutitt
ousbecausei t’
snoty our
paintoshare.Mostofitany way.I
’
m notr eady
tolosemybr otherasecondt i
me.Cal lt
hislady
andmakeanappoi ntment.”Sheshov edthe
cardinmyf aceandwal kedoffwithoutwaiting
formyr esponse.Imadet heappointmentthe
sameday .

“Yesandhi ki
ngt oonow.Sheseemst oenjoyi
t.
Sheopensupi nt hesewal ks.
”Thedoctornods
encouragi
ngly.“Idon’ tsaymuch.Idon’tknow
whattosayt oher .Herpainissodeep.”I
t’
s
almostpalpable.If eeli
tseept hr
oughmybones
anditsett
lesint hemar r
ow.
“Havey
ouspokentoherrecent
lyabout
att
endi
ngther
apy
?”Thewhol epointofme
seei
ngherist
oevent
uall
ygetSisonketoat
tend.

“
Shecl
osesof
fwhenIbr
oacht
hesubj
ect
.”

Thedoct orsighsinsy mpat hy.“Shehas

suffer
edphy sicaltr
aumaandemot ionaltr
auma
repeatedl
y.Asgoodasy ourtal
ksar etheyaren’t
enough.Sheneedspr ofessionalhelpandIf ear
from whatyout ellme, may beev enmedi cati
on.
Thisisbeyondy ouMkhul ul
i
.”Isighandgetof f
thecouch.Shei sn’ttell
i
ngmeany thingIdon’t
know.

“
Iknowdoc.I
’
llt
ryhar
der
.”
“Youar edoinggr eat,weal soneedt odeal wit
h
yourdemons.Whaty ou’vebeent hr
ough, bei
ng
apar entatthey oungage, yourdad’s
abandonment ,jail
, t
hel ossofy ourbaby.Those
arejustyourtraumasont opofSi sonke’
s.”Her
kindey esborethr oughme.Iknowal lt
his.Iam
deali
ngwi ththem butIf eelli
keSisonkeneeds
i
mmedi ateatt
ent i
on.

“
Nextsessi
ondoc.
”Shesmi
l
esandcl
osesmy
f
il
e.
Itakeahugegul pofairasIwalkoutoft he
buil
ding.Talkingtoatherapisti
sn’
teasy .I
t
feelsli
keIrepeatedl
ypokeatcl osedwounds
everytimeandt henleavethem tobleedunt i
l
theycloseandt hentheyreopenwi t
ht henex t
session.Onegoodt hingaboutitisthatIcan
breathebetter,t
hepanicattackshaveabat ed,
andt hetear
shav elessened.IfIdi
dn’tknowany
better,
Iwoul dthi
nkIwasweak.Butaf terallI
’
ve
beenthroughandsurvi
ved,
IknowI ’
m notweak.
Myphoner ingsassoonasIstar
tthecar.I
neverthoughtIwoul
dbedrivi
ngbuttaki
ngcare
ofSisonkehasall
owedmet ofacemyown
anxiet
ies.

“
Musa!
”Ihopehebringsmegoodnews.Ihave
apl
anandit
sdiabol
i
cal,ifwepul
li
tof
fLucas
wi
ll
begforhi
sowndeat h.

“
It
’sdone.
”Il
etoutasmi
l
e.

“
Good.
”Ihangupanddi
alThabo.

“
Njay
am.
”

“
Tman,
wear
egoodt
ogo.
”
“It
’saboutdamnt i
me! ”hehangsup.Idr i
ve
strai
ghttoLucas’ sof fi
ces.Iknowexact l
ywhere
theyare.Iknowev erythingabouthi m downto
hisfavour i
tecolour ,theso- calledmeet i
ngshe
goest o,howheget shi spat het i
cdeal swhich
aredwi ndli
ngandhei sbecomi ngdesper ate
andt hathaswor kt omyf av our.Ial soknowhe
hasaf etishforolderwomen.Hel i
kest hem t
o
ti
ehi m upandhumi li
at ehim.Peeonhi m,shi
t
onhi m anythingy oucant hinkoft hatcan
debasehi m, hedoesi t
.Tomyhor ror,Si
sonke’s
mot herhasbeenoneoft hosei nexchangedf or
Lucasf undingherl ife.Appar ently,shelosther
j
obl ongbef oreImett hem andhasbeenr el
ying
onLucast opr ovi
def orher .Wel linexchange
forherser vi
ces.Ishudderj ustt hi
nki ngabout
whatt hey’vebeendoi ngunderSi sonke’snose.I
don’tknowwhatki ndofsi ckandf uckedup
mi ndhehasbuthewi l
lpayf orwhathe’ sdone
tomyfamily.TomySonke.Thepar ki
ngi nhis
workpl
aceisdeser
ted.Onlytwocars,hisand
Thabo’
s.Notmanypeoplewor kforhi
m
anymorebecausenotonlyisheanegot ist
ical
,
pompousandabul l
y,hecan’taf
fordtopay
mostofthem.IparknexttoThaboandhe
comesoutofhiscarasIswi t
choffmi ne.

“
Ever
ythi
ngi
sinmot ion.
”Hesay
sashesl
i
des
i
ntot
hepassengerseat.

“
Thi
shast
owor
k.”

“I’
m notsur
eIwanti tto.I’
dr atherputabul l
etin
hisheadandbedonewi t
hit.Youmi ghtnotbe
readyforwhathesay sMkhu. ”Iknowwhat
Thaboi si
nsinuat
ing.Hehasbeent r
yingto
preparemeaboutPr ettybeingat rai
tor.Ican’t
wrapmymi ndaroundit.We’v ebothcomeso
far
,wewer ebestfr
iends.Shehelpedme
thr
oughthehardesttimesinmyl i
fe,whywould
shebet
raymel iket
hat ?Money,asini
sterpar
t
ofmewhi sper
s.Isti
llshakei
toff.

“Hehadotherhel
p.Wejustneedt
ofi
ndoutand
getthepr
oofthatweneed.Oncewehav
ethat,
hecanpayforhiscr
imesandmyname
clear
ed.
”Thabonods.
“Onewayort heothernjay am.Hewi llpay.
Eit
hery ourwayormi ne.I ’
mr eady.”Hepushes
thedooropenandIt akeadeepbr eath
fol
lowinghim out.Wewal knotbot heredabout
thecamer asasMusat ookcar eoft hem. i
nWe
fi
ndourwayt ohisoffi
cewi t
houtbei ngseeing
notthatthereisapossi bil
it
yoft hat.Wehav e
doneourhomewor kandcov eredal lthebasis.
Thabor emainsoutsidet hedoorkeepi ngwatch
asIpusht hedoorofhi sof fi
ceopen.Hej umps
andclosest helaptopwi thashar psnapwhi le
fumbli
ngwi t
hhispants.Howmuchofaper ver
t
i
st hi
sdude?I tdoesn’
ttakehiml ongtoput
himselft
ogether.Hi
shaught i
nessbacki npl
ace.
Istandbythedoorasilentlywatchallt
he
changeshisbodygoest hroughuntilhi
snoseis
l
ift
edandhi sli
psparti
ntoasneer .

“Well
, l
ookwhathascr awledoutofthegutterto
j
ointhehumanr ace.
”Ikeepmyhandsbur i
edin
mypocket s,tokeepmy sel
fincheck,because
theyareitchi
ngtowr aparoundhisneck.“What
thefuckdoy ouwant ?Didyouloseyourwayt o
therubbishdump, whereyourkindshouldbe
working?”Ichuckleandhiseyesnarrowashi s
nosef l
are.“Whatthefuckdoy ouwant?”

“Youstil
lthi
nky ouhavepower,don’tyou?”I
’m
surpri
sedathowev enandli
ghtmyt oneis.On
theinsi
deI ’
m burni
ng,wit
hragedirect
edsolely
att
hemanwho’
sar
rogancei
sseepi
ngof
fhi
m
i
nwaves.

“Idon’tthinkso.”Hesays.Plant
inghi
shands
ont hedesk.“Iknowso.Icr ushbugsli
keyou
forfun.”Ismile.Event
houghont hei
nsi
de,I
’
m
screami ng.

“
Tell
meDl amini
,Howdidyoudoit
?”Hetenses
f
oraspli
tsecond.I
fIwasn’
tasobser
vantI
woul
d’v
emi ssedi
t.

“Youmeanal l
this?”Hewav eshisar m around.
“I
ttakesbr
ainsandt heri
ghtbackgr oundt o
buil
dabusiness.Bot hthi
ngsy oul ack,I’
m
afr
aid.Why?Didy oucomef orpointers,need
met ofi
xyouupwi thanotherjob?”hesmi r
ks.
ThenhissmirkfaltersasImov et owar dshim.I
don’tst
opuntilI
’
m ar oundhi sdeskand
st
andi
ngbef
orehi
m.Hi
sfacehasf
lushedr
ed.

“I
’l
laskagai
n, howdidyoudoi t
?”Heopenshis
moutht ogi
vemeanot heroneofhissneersbut
Idon’twai
tforhim.Ipunchhim onthemouth
andgetasat i
sfact
orycrunchashisteet
hclash.

“Whatthef uck?”heasks.Hei sn’tsococky

anymoreashebacksawayf r
om me.If oll
ow
hi
m, st
alkinghimi ntoacornert henIland
anot
herpunchandgetanot hercrunchingsound,
ashisnosegi vesundermyf i
st.Blood
i
mmedi atelytri
cklesfr
om hisnose.Hi sl eani
ng
agai
nstthewal lforbalancehisey eswide.
Whil
ehishandi sholdi
nghisbl oodiednose.

“
Areyounotgoingtofi
ghtDlamini
?Doy
ouonly
t
akepleasur
einhit
ti
ngdefencel
esswomen?
”
“Yousonofabi tch. .
.”hedoesn’ tfinisht he
statementasIpounceonhi m,grabshi m bythe
neckandhi tisfor eheadont hetabl e.The
i
mpacti ssohar dt hathecr umpl esont hefloor
unconscious.Ispyt hebr oom byt het rashcan
behindhisdoor .Andsomet hinginmebubbl es
upasSi sonke’swoundsf lashbef oremyey es.
Theev i
denceoft hisf i
l
thyv iol
ati
on.Ipi ckhim
upandt aket hezipl ocksonhi sdeskt y inghis
wristsoneithersideoft het abl
e.Hecomest o,
shakinghishead.

“Whatar eyoudoing?
”hi svoi
ceisunsureand
thereisatr
embl etoi
t .Ipul
lhi
spantsdown
withoutanythoughtforhim.Heyelps,hist
one
panicked.“
Whatt hefuckdoy outhi
nkyouare
doing?”
“Givi
ngy ouat asteofy ourownmedi cine.
”Igo
andgr abthebr oom, breaki
ngitint
ohal f
.His
eyesdartar oundt heroom andhepul l
sathis
bindi
ngs.“Thisi sforwhaty oudidtomy
Sisonke.”Isayst andi
ngbesi dehim,bendingto
speakagai nsthisear.Hisent i
rebodyis
shaking.

“YourSi
sonke!Thatbi
tch.
..
’hedoesn’
tfi
nish
thesent
enceasIimpalethebroom i
nhisass.
Hisearspl
it
ti
ngscream hasThabofli
ngi
ngthe
dooropen.

“Fuck!”Thaboexcl ai
msatseei ngtheendof
thebr oom st
icki
ngout .“Fuck!”hewi ncesbut
returnstohispostclosingthedoorbehi ndhim.
Ipul l
outandt hepushi nrepeatedly,
whi lethe
swi neisbabbli
nghisapol ogies,beggingt obe
l
etgo.If i
ghtthev omitthatcr awlsupmyt hroat
.
“
Didy
oust
opwhenSi
sonkebeggedy
ou?
”

“NoIdi dn’
t,I’
m sorr
y,I
’m sosorry,
pleasestop.
Please.”Hehast earsandsnortrunningonhis
face.Ipulloutandthrowt hebroom onthefloor
andt henIunt i
ehim.Hequi ckl
ypull
shispant s
up,hisenti
r ebodytrembli
ng.Andhemov est o
standcower inginacorner.

“I
tdoesn’
tfeelsogooddoesi
t?”Heshakeshi
s
head.“
Now, I
’m goi
ngtoaskyouonel
astti
me.
Howdidyouf r
ameme? ”heshakeshi
shead.

“I
’
m nottell
ingyouanyt
hing.Aft
erwhaty oujust
di
dt ome!Getout!”Hi
sv oi
cegainsstrengt
h
eventhoughhiseyesar
ef i
ll
edwithfear.He
wipeshisfacewit
hhisshir
tsleeve.
“Takeaseat .”Hel ookswear il
yatthechairand
remainsst andi
ng.“ Oopsy oucan’t
.Wel l
remain
standing,Idon’tcare.”Igrabthechairopposit
e
him andopenhi slaptop.HiseyeswidenasI
typeinhispasswor d.It
’snicetohavea
comput ergeniushandy .

“
How.
.”

“That’
snotimpor t
ant.
”Itur
nt hel aptopt oface
him.“Logintoyourbankaccount .”Hehesi tates
forasecondandt henlaunchesi ntot heseat ,
hispainfor
gotten.Notforl
ongi ft hewi nceand
thegasphel et
soutisanyi ndication.Iwatch
himt y
pingfuri
ouslyonhislaptop.Thenal lthe
colourdrai
nsfrom hi
sface, hi
sey eswi dening.
“
Whatdi
dyoudo?
”

“Tookbackwhat ’
smi ne.”Isaygetti
ngonmy
feet.Peeli
ngatani nv i
siblelentonshirt
.“I
t’
s
whatIser vedtimefor .”Theshockhashi m
unmov ing.Imov etowar dst hedoor.“Ohand
thecompanyy ouinv estedmor et
hanhalfy our
money ,doesn’texi
st.I twascr eat
edsolelyto
trapyou.”Ididn’
tthinkhi sey escoul
dgetany
bigger.Helaunchesonhi sfeetandchargesat
mej ustasThaboopenst hedoor,guninhand.

“Gi
vemear easontoshootyou,comeon.
”
Thabogoadshim.Lucasstops,
fist
scl
enchi
ng
onhissi
de.

“Youwil
lnotgetawaywiththi
s?I
’l
lseetoitt
hat
youarebackinjai
lwher
ey oubel
ong.”He
snarl
s.
“It
hinkit
’syouwhowill
begoinginthi
stime.
Yourlooseendsarer
eadytospil
lthebeans.
”I
sayandIwal koutwi
thThabobehindme.

“Doyouthinkheboughtit
?”IaskThaboasIget
i
ntothepassengersi
deofhiscar.Musahad
comewhi l
ewewer einsi
detotakemycarand
movedThabo’soutofsight.

“Heisdesperateandscar ed.Hewillgot oclean

uphislooseends.Wej usthav etober i
ghtt here
whenhedoes. ”Wewat chunseenasLucas
l
impsintohiscar.“Damndude, Idi
dn’tthinky ou
haditi
ny outoinfl
ictsuchpainonaper son.”
Thaboremarksaswewat ch.

“
Idi
dn’
tthi
nkIcoul
d,unt
ilhi
sar
rogantf
acewas
i
nfrontofmeandall
Icoul
dseewasSisonke’s
pai
n.”NotmyproudmomentbutIdon’
tregr
etit
.

“Let
’sgo.
”Hepull
sintot
her
oad,
fol
l
owi
ng
Lucasatadi
stance.

“Fuck!”IsaywhenIseet hedirectionhei s
taking.Wewat chhi m pullupbyPr etty
’s
apar tmentthenher unsoutoft hecar ,hi
sey es
dartingev ery
wher e.Myhear tconst ri
cts
painfullyagainstmychest .Thabohadpr epar ed
mef orthisbutseeinghi m her ehasmef eeling
sobet r
ayed,Icanact ual
lytastei t
’sbit
terness.
“Letsgo. ”Wer unintot hebui l
dingt oan
apar tmentnextt oPr etty
’swher e,thepolicet hat
i
nv estigatedmycasewi ththeirpol i
cecaptain
arecampedi n, watchingsur veil
lancecamer as
from ther oom.AsmuchasIknewi twasLucas,
andThabosuspect edPr ettyforanaccompl ice
thepoli
cewantedevidence.I
twasn’teasyto
havemycaser eopenedbutmoneyi ntheri
ght
handsofthepeoplehadt hepoli
cereopeni
ng
thecaseoutoffearforthei
rjobs.

Lucasispaci
ngi
nPrett
y’sl
i
vingroom,wit
han
annoyedPret
tyl
eani
ngagai
nstthekit
chen
count
er.

“Whatdoy ouwantLucas?It houghtImade

thi
ngsclearwithyou,Idon’
twanty ou.”Ifeel
a
knif
egoingthroughmychestandt wisti
ng.“We
areover.Mkhulul
iisbackandIwanthi m back!”
thevenom inLucas’seyesi
scl eareventhought
themoni t
or.

“So,
yousoldmeouttohim,
togethi
m back?
”
Helaughsbuti
t’
sempty
,devour
edofal
l
humour.
“Whatareyoutal
ki
ngabout
?”Pr
ett
yis
exasper
ated.

“
Heknows!HeknowsthatIwor
kedwit
hyouto
f
ramehi
m.”IcanseePret
ty’
sbodygoi
ngr
igi
d

“
How?
”shewhi
sper
s.

“Oh.Youaregoingt ostandther eanddenyi t

?I
shouldn’
thavetrustedahoodr atli
key ou.I
should’
vekil
ledyouwhi l
eIst i
l
l hadachance. ”
Hesay smoret ohimself.Thenhepul l
souta
gunfrom hi
swai stband.“Toni
ght ,
isasgooda
ti
measany .”Prett
ymov esbackwar dsterr
if
ied.

“
Lucas,Ididn’
t.Iswear.Whywoul
dIt
ell
Mkhul
ulianythi
ng?I tal
soi
mpli
cat
esme!”Her
voi
ceishighpitched.
“Idon’tcarewhaty ourr easonsare.”Ididn’
t
noticethepol i
cel eavingourr oom,onlywhen
thedoornextdoori skickeddownandt hear e
shoutsf orLucast odr opt hegun.Hewhi rl
s
aroundpani ckedandIhearagunshotand
Pretty’
sbodyf al
l
st ot hef l
oor.Ir
unt othe
housenextdoorThaboonmyheel s.Lucasi s
beingcuf f
edwhi leonepol icemaniscallingan
ambul ance.Pr et
tyhasbl oodoozingf r
om her
shoulder.Ikneel nextt oherplacingheronmy
l
apwhi l
eIpr essont hewound.

“Mkhu,
”shesayshereyesfocusi
ngonme.“
I’
m
sor
ry.
”Herbreat
hisragged.

“
Don’
ttal
k.Sav
eyourst
rengt
h.”

“
I’
m sorr
y.”Idon’
twanttodeal
wit
hherapology
r
ightnow.Mymi ndknowswhatshehasdone.
Myhearti
salitt
leslowtocatchup,i
nst
eadit
feel
sshut
ter
ed.Iletoutahugesighwhentwo
EMTswalkthroughthedoorandtakeover
.

“I
t’
sov ernjayam.”Thaboclampsmeonmy
shoulderaswewat chLucasbeingshuf
fl
ed
outsi
dei nhandcuff
swhilePret
tyi
swheeledon
astretcher
.

“
Idon’twanthertodie.”I
’
m soconfli
cted.I
wanttohateherbutthenIremembert hePret
ty
t
hathelpedmeinr ai
singmysibl
ings.Myheart
i
storn.

“
Youdon’
thav
etohat
eherbutnowy
ouknow
t
hetr
uth.
”

“
Whati
sthet
rut
h?”Iknowt
het
rut
h,butIcan’
t
pr
ocessi
t.Thabosi
ghs.

“Prett
yisahust l
er.Shesawanopportuni
tyt
o
betterherli
feandt ookit
.Ify
oubecameher
casualtyintheprocess,t
hatwasthepri
ceshe
waswi ll
ingtopay .Icoul
dbewrong.
”

“
Yeah.
”

“
Letmet
akey
ouhome.Youhav
ebl
oodal
lov
er
y
ou.”

“
Ican’
tgohomel
i
ket
his.
”

“Sur
entwanayam.Whateveryouneed.
”So
Thabodri
vesmegohishouse.Idon’
tknow
whatI’
m goi
ngtot
ell
Sisonkeandtheki
ds.How
wi
ll
Sisonkecopeinknowi
ngt
hemanshe
marr
iedorchest
rat
edmydownfal
l
.

‘
Whatarewegoi
ngtodowit
hthatf
il
th’
s
money
?”Thaboasksawepul
li
ntohisdri
veway
.

“Donateitt
ocharit
yforabusedwomenandki
ds,
Idon’tknow.Idon’
twantit
.”

“Wewi l
lfi
ndappr opri
atecharit
ies.Hecan’tbuy
hiswayoutoft hisoneandwhenhedoescome
out,he’
ll
beapauperwi thnowher etogo.”It
shouldbesatisfyi
ngbuyknowhowSi sonke
suffer
edathishandsi tisn’
tnearlyenough.I
takeashowerandchange.ThenIgohomet o
checkont hem beforeretur
ningtoThabo’s
because,Ican’tkeepupt heli
esaboutt he
eventsofthepasthour s.
Thef oll
owingmor ning,t
hepolicetel
l usthat
Lucaswi llbechargedforthehighjackingand
att
empt edmur der.Prett
yisrecoveri
ngi n
hospitalandherwoundsar en’
tfat
alandshei s
co-operati
ngwi t
ht hepoli
ce.Ij
ustneedone
mor edayt odecompr essthenIcanr etur
n
homet omyf amil
y .
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er22

Mybodyf el
tli
keant swer ecrawl i
ngundermy
skin.Iwasr estl
ess.Ihadn’ tseenMkhul ul
i i
n
twoday s.Wespokeont hephonet heprevious
nightwhenhecheckeduponme.OnNozi ’
s
phonebecausemi newasst il
lswi t
chedof fand
buriedsomewher ei nt
hewar drobe.Ididn’tli
ke
thatt heconversati
onwasst i
ll
ed.Itmademe
suspi ci
ous.Washewi thsomeoneel se?WasI
i
nt heway ?It
’sbeenmont hssi nceIhadbeen
witht hem.Takinguphi sspace, histi
meandhi s
bed.Hewasar oundmemostoft het i
me.Ev en
whenhewaswor king,hest ayedcloset ome.
Hecookedf orme.Madesur eIateandmostof
allhewal kedwi t
hme.Li st
enedt omypi ti
ful
storiesaboutmypast .Whatmanwoul dn’
tget
exhaust ed?I ’
dnev erhadany onel istent omeas
Mkhul ulidid.Likehehear dme, caredabout
whatIhadt osayt hensawt hroughme.Hef elt
mypai nifthegl i
steningintenseey eswer eany
i
ndi cati
on, ashewat chedmet alk.Isi ghed.My
eyesshi fti
ngar oundt her oom andf ocusi ngon
Nozi andZano.Ispentt heweekendwi tht hem.
It
’sl i
ketheypi ckedupf r
om wher ethei rbr other
l
ef toff.Theywal kedwi t
hmeadaybef ore,
cookedandkeptmeent ertained.Atl eastt ried
to.Iwassi tt
ingwitht hem butmi ndwas
wonder i
ngwher eMkhul uliwasandwhenhe’ d
beback.WasImi ssinghi m?May be.Zanoand
Nozi wer eplayingmonopol yandhadt r
iedt o
getmet opl ay.Iwasn’ taboar dgamesf anandI
hat edmonopol yev enwor se.So, I
’ddecl i
ned
butwehadspentt hebestpar toft heday
play i
ngot herboardgames, sot heydi dn’tpush.

Asmal
lsmi
l
ebr
oker
eluct
ant
lyonmyf
aceas
wat chedt hem ar gueov erar ule.Thet wo
arguedasmuchast heyt easedeachot her.I
env i
edt hem oft heirsi mpl eandpur el ovefor
eachot her.Theywoul ddoany thi
ngf oreach
otherandInev erhadt hat.Inev erfel tli
keI
camef irstwi t
hany oneev enwi thmydad, I
reallyneededt ostopr eferri
ngt ohi m assuch,
asmuchashel ovedme, Iknewmymot her
camef irst.Heal waysmadeexcusesf orher
behav iourandasheshel t
eredmef rom her ,he
alsoshel t
eredherf rom me.Hepl ay edbuf f
er
i
nst eadofi nterferi
ngandcal li
nghert oorder.A
wav eofsadnesswashedt hroughme.If eltbad
thinkingsobadl yoft hemanwhol ov edme.
LikeIwasdi shonour inghi smemor ysomehow.
Theopeni ngdoordr aggedmeoutofmy
musi ngsandwhenIl ookedup, Mkhul ul
ifil
led
thedoor way .Myhear tlurchedandbegan
beat i
ngf ast er.Mygodwast hereanyman
handsome?Hi sey esscannedt her oom wi tha
tentativesmi l
eandt hent heylandedonme.
Manyemotionswentthroughhi
m ashe
watchedme.Ishi
fteduncomfort
abl
eonthe
couchandthatbr
okethestare.

“HeyLul
i,”Zanosai
dcheer f
ull
ygett
ingonhi s
feetf
oll
owedbyhi ssister.Theyal
lbutclashed
astheyjumpedtheirbrothersurr
oundinghim,
armswrappingaroundhi m.

“Guys,
”hechuckl
edretur
ningt
hehug.“
I’
veonl
y
beengonefortwodays.”

“Twoday st oomany .”Ihear dNozimumbl e.

Theyr emainedlockedi ntheembr acef orafew
secondsasIl ookedup, If
oundMkhul uli
’
sey es
onme.Her el
uctantl
ypul l
edawayf rom the
embraceandwal kedtowar dsme.Myhear trat
e
accelerat
ed.Myey escouldn’tholdhis,soI
droppedt hem, r
oami ngov erhisbody.Hewor e
fadeddenim,sneakersandawhi
tet-
shi
rtt
hat
stretchedacr
osshischest
.Thel
ookwas
relaxedbuthesti
l
lmanagedtomakemyheart
sing.Hestoodbeforemehandsinhi
spocket
s,
l
ooki ngunsur
e.

“HeySonke.”Hesaidandmyhandsf el
tclammy
andsweaty.Mythroatsuddenl
ytoodryto
speak.

“
HeyMkhulul
i.
”Hesmi
l
edandIwant
edt
othr
ow
mysel
fathi
sfeet
.

“Areyougood?”Inodded.Myt hr
oatcouldn’
t
work.IneededwaterbeforeIwasabletospeak.
“Good.”Heseemedunsur ehowt opr
oceedand
helookedaround.NoziandZanohadt aken
thei
rseatsandtheywatchedtheexchangewi t
h
curi
osity
.“Haveyouguyseaten?”heasked.
Thenhewentandsati nt heoneseat er
.Ifelt
theloss.Iwant edt othrowmy selfinhisar ms,I
neededhi sheatnextt omebutev enasI
thoughtofit,mybonesf elticecol d.The
thoughtofhimt ouchingmel eftmeshaki ng.
Woul dhestil
lwantt otouchmyt aint
edbody ?
DidIwanthi mt o?Theshi verthatr anthrough
met oldmet hatIwasn’ tr eadyf orthat
closeness.I
tdidn’ tmeanIdi dn’twanti tormi ss
i
t,butIcouldn’tcont r
olmybody ’sreacti
ont o
anyphy si
caltouch.

Ther oom becameal iv

ewi ththesibli
ngs
catchingupwhi leNozi offeredtocook.Zano
helpedwiththepr eparati
ons, thei
rwor king
togetherwaseasyandef f ortl
essclearlyborn
from year
soft hem helpingeachot her.The
housewasanopenpl an, soshest il
l
parti
cipat
edint heconv ersation.Inodded
wher eIneededt oandsmi ledintherightplaces,
butmyt hroatseemedt ohav ecl
osedup.
Mkhul ulikeptglanci
ngmywayandhehada
smal lfrownonhi sface.Icouldseet hetir
ed
l
inesar oundhi seyesandhi ssmileswer en’
tas
bri
ghtast heyone’sIwasusedt o.Theyseemed
forced.Ev enthoughheseemedr elaxed
sprawl edont hecouchIcoul dseet heconstant
tappingofhi sfinger
sagainsthisthigh,he
wasn’ tasr el
axedasheappear edt obe.

Dinnerwasgr eatandtheiranimat ed
conv er sati
oncont i
nued.Iofferedt odot he
dishesj usttokeepmy selfoccupiedbecause
mybodywassowoundt ightIfeltitwoul dsnap
anymoment .Ididn’
texpectMkhul uli t
o
volunt eertohel pmeandsuddenl yt hemoder n
sizeki tchenf el
ttoosmall wi
thhi spr esencein.I
washedandhedr i
ed.Wewor kedinsi l
enceand
theki dschat terbecamebackgr oundnoi se.I
becameawar eofhim nexttome.Hi sheat ,hi
s
scentandhisnearnesshadmef eel
i
nglit
tle
tr
emor st
hroughoutmybody .Whenhi sarm
grazedmine,Ij
umpedanddr oppedtheplateI
waswashing.Luckil
y,i
tlandedbacki nt
hesi nk.

“Sorry.”Heapol ogi sedst eppingbackt okeepa

distancebet weenus.Icoul dbr eatheeasybut
yetIwasdi sappoi ntedbyt hespace.If eltthe
l
ossofhi s, butIst illf
elthispr esence.The
sil
encest retchedbet weenusandi tdidnot hi
ng
tocal m myner ves.Iwasawar eofhi s
mov ement sashepackedt hedr ydishesi n
cupboar ds.Ikeptst eali
nggl ancesathi m and
wasf ascinatedaboutt hewayhi smuscl es
mov edandst r
etchedashewor ked.Hi shand
stil
lhadt hef adingbr uises.Iitchedt ogr abhis
handandsmoot hmyhandov erhisbr uisesbut
thatcoul dn’thappen.Wef ini
shedt hewor kin
sil
ence, andhegr abbedhi sbagf rom thel ounge
andi nformedmehewasgoi ngt otakea
shower.Iremainedi nthekit
chen,wipingthe
counter
s,cleani
ngt hem eventhought heywere
al
readyclean.ThenIdeci dedtomopt he
ki
tchenafterwards.Itwaslatebythet i
meI
l
ift
edmyhead.Nozi andZanower en’tint
he
l
oungeandMkhul ulihadjustwalkedin.

“Thatkitcheni ssocl ean, doctorswould

perform sur geryoni t.
”Hesai dashewal kedin.
Ismi l
edoratl eastt r
iedto.Hi ssmilefadedand
Iknewt henI ’
dfail
ed.Myey esdroppedt ohis
handsandhehadhi sblanketandapi llow.A
stabofgui ltpiercedt hroughme.Idi dn’tli
kehe
hadt ogi v
euphi sroom f ormebutatt hesame
ti
meIdi dn’thavet hewi llt
ogol iveonmyown.I
didn’twantt o,andIwasn’ tplanningto.That
mademef eel li
ket hewor standmostsel fi
sh
persononear t
h.ButIl ovedt hesafetyIfelt
withinthewal l
soft hishouse.Il ovedhowt his
familymademef eel.Protectedandwant ed.
“Yeah,youarer
ight.
”Ihungt hedishcl
othint
he
sinkandmademywayt omyr oom.Wel l
,
Mkhululi
’sr
oom.“ Goodnight
.”IsaidasI
squeezedpasthim,ourar mstouching.

“Goodni ghtSi sonke. ”Her espondedi nhi shusky

tonet hatsentshi versdownmyspi ne.Iqui ckl
y
mademywayt ot her oom andcl osedt hedoor
behindme, saggi ngagai nstt
hedoor .Whati sit
aboutMkhul ulithatseemedt otakeall the
oxygeni nther oom?Heseemedt oaffectmy
abili
tytobr eat he.Ist rippedoutofmycl othes
andwentt oshower .Thebat hroom stil
l smel l
ed
ofhisshowergel .Ther ewashi sandher sbutI
usedhi s.Ilikedt hewayIsmel l
edl i
kehi m whi l
e
Islept.

Il
ayinbedawakef orawhi
lereadi
ngoneof
Mkhulul
i
’sbooks.Oratl
eastt
riedt
obutIdi
dn’
t
seet hewor ds.Myt hought swerewi ththeman
whowassi tt
ingorsl eepingont heot hersi
de.
Wer ehist houghtsf i
ll
edwi t
hmej ustasmi ne
weref i
ll
edbyhi m?Woul dIev ergett oapoint
wher eIallowedhi sar mst owr apar oundmy
bodywi thoutt ur
ningi ntoabl ockofi ce?Aft
era
whileoft urningpageswi thoutseeingany t
hingI
gaveuponr eadi
ng.It ossedandt urneduntil
thesheet swer ewr appeduncomf or tabl
yaround
me.Andwhensl eepf i
nallycame, itwas
plaguedwi t
hcont inuousni ghtmares.

Iwasstar
tl
edbyt hesoundofacl osingdoor
andbythesoundsofbirdschir
pingInewi twas
morni
ng.Iwasn’
tsur ei
fMkhululiwouldtake
meonourusual walksbutIgotupj usti
ncase.
Ther
ewasasof tknockjustasIwasmaki ngmy
waytothebathr
oom.
“
Comei n.
”Hewal
kedi
nandmybr
eat
hing
i
ssuesbegan.

“Goodmorni
ng.”Hi
smor ni
ngvoi
cewasdeeper
andaninv
olunt
aryshi
verzapt
hroughme.

“
Mor
ning.
”

“
Iwaschecki
ngi
fyouwer
ereadyf
orawal
k.”

“
Iam.Letmef
reshenup.I
’
llbeouti
naf
ew.
”

“I’
llchangeinthemeant ime.”Inoddedand
turnedf ort
hebat hr
oom.Hewasgonef rom t
he
room byt hetimeIcameoutandIf oundhimi n
theki t
chenalreadydressedinhiswalkinggear,
sippingcoffee.Heputt hecupinthesink,
drai
ningtherestofcof
fee.Wewal kedoutside
bysideinsil
ence.Heusedhi sr
emot et
oopen
thegate.Thewasasmal lergat
eont heside
thatwasusedbypedest r
ianswithasecurit
y
padforpasscodes.

“Whydon’ tyouhavesecuri
tyi
nthecomplex?
”I
j
ustr eal
isedhowunsafeitwas.Peopl
ecould
j
ustwal kin,namel
yLucas.Myshiverwasn’
ta
pleasurableki
nd.

“Yeah,that’sthei
ssueIhav ewi ththeplace.We
usedt ohav esecuri
tywhenIf i
rstmov edinbut
i
tseemsl ikethebodycorpor at
el etthem go
whencut tingcosts.
”Wet urnedt oourusual
route.“That’swhyIam lookingf oranewpl ace
forus.”Us?Ofcour se,hedidn’tincludemei n
that
.Iact uall
yli
kedtheplace.Itwasi nadecent
areabutt hesafetyaspectwasahugenegat i
ve.
Icoul d’
veaskedwher ehewaspl anni
ngt o
mov etobutIdi dn’
thav
ether i
ghttoaskor
didn’tfeel
li
keIhad.Wewal kedalonger
distanceandt hesunwasal mostup, i
twas
becomi nglighterandli
ght
er.WemadeaU- t
urn
ast hesunbr okei nt
hehori
zonandr etur
ned
home.

Themor ninggavewayt otheday ,andIkept

my sel
fbusybyironingthewashingNozi had
doneov ertheweekend.Mkhul ul
isatinthe
l
oungeonhi sl
aptop.Hetookoccasi onalcall
s
i
n-between.He’dmadebr eakfastandl unchfor
us.Ineveraskedhi m.Heseemedt oknow
whenIwashungr yandIreall
yenjoyedbei ng
takencareofli
ket hat
.WhenIwasdonewi t
h
i
roning,andthehousewasspot l
ess,Iwentand
satoppositehi
m andwat chedhim wor k.
“Whatareyouworki
ngon?”t
hequesti
on
sl
ippedoutbef
oreIcoul
dhel
pmy sel
f.He
l
ookedup,smil
edandmyt ummyfli
pflopped.
Heplacedthel
aptoponthet
abl
eandsatback.

“Wehav eabuil
dingproj
ectunderway .So,Itr
y
andkeepupwi t
ht hei
rdail
yacti
vi
ties.I’
m also
workingwit
hanagentt osecur
ebusi ness
tenants.
”Iwasimpressed.

“
Wow,
that
’sabi
gpr
oject
.”

“Yes,iti
s.I
’m hopingitwil
ltakecareofusand
ourfuturechil
dren.”Iswal
lowedatt hementi
on
ofus.Hepr obablymeantusasi nhi
m andhis
sibl
ings.If
eltstupidfort
hinkingheincl
udedme.

“
I’
m sopr
oudofy
ouMkhul
uli
.Youseem t
obe
doinggoodf oryoursel
f.
”I’
dnev erbeenprouder
ofany one.Iknewhewaswor ki
nghar dandon
bigthingsfrom thesnippetsi
nZanoandNozi ’s
conversati
ons.Icoul daskhim mor eabouthis
business,hisplans.Toexplai
nwhathemeant
byus, butIdidn’tt
hinkIhadther i
ghtto.“Ther
e
i
ssomet hi
ngIneedt otel
lyou.”Hisseri
ous
tonehadmyey esjerki
ngtohis.

“Whati si
t?”Myv oicecrackedasf earcreeped
i
n.Di dhewantmet oleave?GodIwassucha
nuisanceandamessofcour sehewas
probablytir
edofdeal i
ngwi ththat.Iwant edto
reassurehimt hatIwoul dwor konbei ngbetter
butIdidn’tthinkIwoul dpull t
hatof f
.Mkhul uli
seemedt oknowmei nal evelIdidn’
tev enknow
my self
.Heshi ft
edont hecouchandl eaned
forwardrestinghi selbowsonhi sknees.I fI
didn’
tknowbet t
er,Iwouldthinkhewasner vous.
“Lucaswasar restedonFri
day.
”Iceformedin
myv eins.“
Wef oundevi
dencethathewasthe
onewhoor chestrat
edthehei
stIwasarrest
ed
for.
”Myhear tplummetedt ot
hebot t
om ofmy
feet.

“OhmyGod! ”Iwhispered.Hemov edataspeed

andwassi t
ti
ngnextt omei nseconds.Ijumped
andshif
tedintot
hef arendoft hecouch.Ididn’
t
missthelookofpainthatflashedinhi
sey es.I
wantedtoreachouttohi m butmybodywas
l
ockedinfear.

“I
’
m sor
ry.Idi
dn’tmeant
ost
art
ley
ou.
”He
cl
ear
edhisthroat.

“
How? ”Icr
oaked.“
WhywouldLucasdosucha
t
hing?
”apartfr
om bei
ngevi
lofcour
se.Butt
hen
memor i
esfl
oodedmymind.Hewast heone
whoor gani sedthejobforMkhul ul
i.Ihad
moment ari
lyfounditstrangeatthet i
mebut
thosef eel
ingswer equicklysquashed.Ithadn’
t
mat t
eredwhathi smot i
veswer ewhathad
mat t
eredwasMkhul ul
igetti
ngadecentj ob.
Thent hereal i
sati
onhitme.“ OhmyGod.I twas
myf ault!
”Mywi ndpipefel
tli
keitwasbei ng
squeezed.

“NoSonke.I
twasn’
tyourf
aul
t.Nev
ersayt
hat
!”
Hesai
dvehementl
y.

“
Itwas.Hesawuski
ssi
ng.
”
“
What
?”

“Remembert
hedayIwasupsetandcryi
ng.You
huggedmeandcomfor
tedmet henIki
ssed
you.
”Hesmil
ed.
“OfcourseIrememberourf i
rstki
ss.”Hisgentl
e
toneandhissmilepenetratedthrought hei
cy
wallar
oundmyhear tandIfoundmy selfl
ett
ing
outatentat
ivesmile.ThenIr emember edthat
hespentfouryearsinprisonbecauseofaman
Ihadbroughtint
oourl i
ves.

“Hesawthat
.Hetol
dmey ear
slater
.How
stupi
dam If
ornotr
eal
i
singsooner?
”

“Howcoul dy ouhav eknown?Themani s

calcul
ating,sickandjustplainevi
l
.Ialsodi
dn’
t
knowt heper sonclosetstomehel pedhim wi
th
hisplan.”Thepai ninhi
sv oicehadme
searchinghisey es.Whichwer egl
ist
ening.

“
Who?
”
“Heworkedwit
hPret t
ytosetmeup.Shegav e
myphonedetai
lsandr espondedtothe
messagestomakei tl
ooklikeitwasme.The
messagesarethel
inkthepolicefoundt
o
connectmetotheheist.
”

“
OhmyGod!It houghtshel
ovedy
ou.
”Inf
act
,I
t
houghtshest
il
ldid.

“Yeahwel l.Withthatkindofl ovewhoneeded

enemi es.”Hesoundedsobr okenthen.BuyI
couldn’tdoany thingforhi m.Iwasshat t
eredon
theinside.Ifeltli
kethelastscrewt hathad
beenhol dingmet ogetherhadsplinteredand
l
eftmei npieces.Iruinev ery
thi
ngIt ouched.
HadInotbedr ivi
ngthatcardadwoul dbealiv
e.
HadInoti nvol
v edmy selfwithLucas,Mkhulul
i
wouldnev erhadbeenar rest
ed.
“What every ouar et hinkingint hatprettyheadof
yours,stop!Sonke, t hiswasn’ tyourfaultbutthe
wor kofanev ilman. ”Ihear dhiswor dsbutI
didn’tbelievethem.If eltnumbandmyey es
stungwi tht ears.Ineededt obeal one.The
darknessset tl
edar oundmel i
keacol dblanket
andIwel comedi t.Iwasst upid,wor t
hless,and
useless.Iwasobl ivi
ous.Ibr oughtnothingbut
shamet ot hepeopl eIl ove.Ididn’tknowwhenI
gotup, butIf eltmy sel fmov ingt owardsmy
room.“ Sisonke! ”hisv oi cesoundedasi fit
camef r
om adi stance.

“Ineedtobeal oneMkhululi
.”Imumbl ed.Ididn’
t
hearhisresponseasIclosedt hedoorbehi nd
met hencrawledunderthecov ers.If
eltthe
i
cinessthroughmybones.Thenoi sebecame
l
ouderinmyhead.Yourf ault
,stupid,
nogood
foranyone.Unlovabl
e.Useless.Iwelcomedt he
wordandt heysoothedmei ntot hedarkness.
I’
m notsur ehowl ongIwasoutbutIwaswoken
upbyt hesoundoft hedooropeni ng.Andt hen
ther oom wasf l
oodedi nlight.Ididn’twantt o
wakeup.Idi dn’
twantt ospeakt oany one.I
want edt owasteawayi nt hisroom.Iwant edto
die.IglaredatMkhul ulii
nt hedoorwaybef ore
cov eri
ngmyheadwi ththeblanket .Afew
secondspassedwi t
hnosoundandt hent he
blankedwaspul l
edr oughlyof fmeandIwas
l
ef tbare,uncovered.Fortunately,Ihadcr awled
i
nbedf ul
ldr
essed.

“
Getup.
”Hi
stonewasqui
ety
etf
ir
m.

“LeavemealoneMkhululi
.”Ireachedforthe
blanket
.Hethr
ewitont heothersideofthebed.
Ipull
edatthecomfort
erIwasl yingonandgot
underit
.Hepull
edthatoneof fmet oo.“
Ijust
wantt
obealone!Pl
easel
eav
emeal
one!
”I
scr
eamed.

“
You’
vebeenal
onel
ongenough.
”Hesai
d.

“Stayfarfrom meLuli
.Iwil
lbr
ingy
ounothing
buttrouble.Therei
sugli
nessi
nme, andi
twil
l
stainyou.Ital
readyhas.
”

“Sisonke, i
fyoudon’tgetupf rom thatbed, Iwil
l
picky ouupanddr aggedyout owher eIneed
yout obe.Doy ouwantNoz i andZanot o
witnesst hat?”Lowblowusi ngt hetwo.Ihuf f
ed
andgotof fthebed.Ofcourse, Ididn’
twanthi s
sibli
ngsseei nghowmessyIr eall
ywas.Iputon
mysneaker sbecauseIassumedhewast aki
ng
meoutf orawal k.Hedidthatwhenev erIwas
upset .AsmuchasIl ovedthem, Ir
eall
yjust
want edtoshutof ftheworldandbur ymy self
underthebl
anket.Eventual
l
ythecol
dnessthat
hadsettl
edaroundheartwoulddi
ssi
pate.I
stoodandwaitedforhim.

“Let’
sgo.”Ifol
l
owedhi m outthedoor.There
wasnoonei nthehouseandIgl ar
edholesat
hisback.ButIstil
l f
oll
owedhi m outandhe
surpri
sedmewhenhewal kedtowardshiscar.
Heopenedt hef r
ontpassengerdoorandwai t
ed
forme.Iwalkedt owardshi m andsli
dinpouti
ng
l
ikeapet ul
antchild.
Hedr oveinsil
encef orawhi l
euntilwewer e
dri
vingoutoft hesuburb.Thesilencestretched
betweenusandmyey esbl ur
redwi t
htearsasI
watchedt hepassingscener y
.Thet r
affi
c
thi
nnedoutashedr ov
eintaqui et
erroad.It
wasl at
eaf t
ernoonandt hesunwasal mostat
thehorizon.Hepar kedinadeser t
edareaand
whenIl ookedahead, wewer efacingalake.I
scannedt heareaandr eal
isedhowbeaut i
fuli
t
was.Undernor
mal cir
cumstancesi
twouldbe
perf
ectforapi
cnic.Iwat
chedhimfiddl
ewith
hisphoneandthenconnect
inghismusict
othe
carsound.

“
Iwanty
outoli
stent
ot hi
ssong.
”Myhear
t
j
umpedashi
sdeepvoicebroket
hesi
l
ence.

“
Whoi sit
?”IaskedbecauseifI
’m madeto
l
i
stentoasongi nthemiddleofnowher
eat
l
eastIshoul
dknowwhot heart
istwasri
ght
.

“
It
sPinkfeat
uri
ngChri
sStapl
eton.”Abubbl
eof
l
aught
ercamefrom meunexpectedl
y.

“
Youl
i
stent
oPi
nk.
”Hesmi
l
edsheepi
shl
y.
“Yes, Ido.Li stentot hewor ds.Musi chasaway
ofcal mingme.Ihopei tdoest hesamef ory ou.
Justl i
sten. ”Thesongcamet hroughf rom t he
car’sspeaker s.Ili
stenedast hewor ds
surroundedme, t
heycar essedmyski n,slid
throughv eins,andf layedmeopen.Theyspoke
tome, mysor row, mypai nandmydeepestf ear.
Woul dhest i
lll
ovemeany way ?Ast hesong
sloweddownandev ent uallyquieted, Iturnedt o
l
ookathi m.Hi sey esshonewi thtears.“ Yes.”
Hesai d.Conf usingmusthav eshownonmy
facebecauseher epeat ed.“ Yes. ”Hel eaned
towar dsmeandhi st humbgent lecar essedmy
face.Idi dn’tjumpathi st ouch.ButIr ealisedmy
cheekwaswetwi tht ears.Hadn’ tIcriedenough?
Butt heycont i
nuedt of al landIf eltthem t hen.
Hecuppedmycheekf ullyashemov edcl oser
tomeorImayhav emov edt owar dshi m.Al lI
knowhi sf acewascl oset omi neandIcoul d
feelhiswar m breat honmyf ace.
Ileanedi nt
ot hewar mthofhi st ouch.“ Ther eis
nothingIwoul dn’
tdof ory ouSonke, ”he
whi spered,pressinghisf oreheadt omi ne.“ I
woul dki l
lanyman, goanydi st ance, andbur n
thewhol ewor l
ddowni fitmeantkeepi ngy ou
safe.Il oveyounowandIl ovey ouf oret ernity.
Not hingwi l
leverchanget hat.”Asobt or e
throughmeasIgr abbedt hef rontofhi st -shirt
.I
fel
tl i
keIwast eeteri
ngatt heedgeofacl iffand
hishol dwast heonl ythingkeepi ngmef rom
fal
ling.Thesobscont i
nuedt ot eart hroughme.I
wascutopenedandv ul
ner able.Inapl aceI
nev erwant edt oplacemy sel
fi nbutMkhul uli
wast here.Soli
d.Hol di
ngmet oget her.

“I
..
.”Mythroatwasti
ghtandIdidn’
tknowwhatI
wantedtosay.Ther
ewer esomanyt hi
ngsI
couldsaybutwordswerestuckinmythroat
.
“Whatdoy ouneed?”hi
shandmov edtothe
backofmyneckandhegr abbedahandf ul
of
myhai ri
natightgri
p.I
thurtalit
tl
ebutthepai
n
focusedme.“Tellmebaby, whatdoyouneed?
”
Myl i
pstrembledagai
nsthis.

“Help.
”Icroaked.“
IneedhelpMkhul
uli
.Hel
p
me.”Isaidthroughmysobs.Hepull
edmein
hisarmsholdingmet i
ghtandIbawl
edagai
nst
hischest
.

“Igotyoubaby.That
’si
tletitout
.Igotyou.
”A
sli
therofhopeweavedthroughme.Inthat
momentt henoisewassil
ent .
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er24

Iwashor ny.That’stheonlywayt odescri

be
howIf elt
.Myt herapistsaidbecauseIwas
sheddingemot ionall
y,mybodywasr el
easing
endorphins.Shesuggest edplainhavi
ngsex,
whenIwashesi tant,sherecommendedt aking
careofmyneedsmy sel
f.Inevercoul
dmast er
theactofmast urbation,soIliv
edintort
ure.
Anddat i
ngMkhul ul
iwast hemostbeaut i
fuland
tor
turousthing.Iwasaf raidoneoftheday sI
wasgoi ngtojumphi minhi ssl
eep.
Wemov edt
othenewhouseaboutt womont hs
ago.Abeauti
fulsi
ngl
estoreyhouseinthe
uppercl
assofJoburg.Thehousehadfour
bedrooms,whichoneofthem wasmine,t
wo
l
ivi
ngareas,adini
ngroom ar
ea,akit
chenthat
hadanext endedbr eakfastnook.Mkhul ulihad
theki t
chen, bathroomsandt heback
ent er
tainmentar ear emodel ledbef oremov ing
i
n.Theki t
chenwasal l whiteandgr eywi tha
hugegasst ov eint hecent r
e.Il ovedi t.I
tmade
youwantt obei ni twi t
hal lthest ateoft hear t
appl i
ancesandMkhul ulidef i
nitel
ymadeuseof
them.Thebackpar toft hehousewas
compl etelyt ransfor medf rom whenwehadf ir
st
viewedt hehouse.Ther ewasaseat i
ngar ea
thatfacedt hebr aai hob.Agl eami ngswi mmi ng
pool thatwassur roundedbyapav edar eawi th
af ewscat teredlounger s.Itwasan
ent er
tainmentheav en.They ard,wasbi g
enought oaccommodat eal lthechangeshe
made.Yett herewasst i
llsomet hingsi mpl e
aboutt hehouse.Iwassopr oudofhi m; Ididn’
t
thinkther ewer eenoughwor dst oar t
iculatethat.
Howf arhe’ dcomef rom t haty oungmanwho
usedt owal kmet ot het axi stop.Iof ten
wonder edhowmyl ifewoul d’veturnedouthadI
methi
mfi
rst
.
I’
dbegunl ooki ngf oraj ob.IfeltIwasr eadyt o
gooutt her e.Cr owdsdi dn’
tfreakmeout
any mor eandmyeat i
ngdi sorderwasunder
cont rol.Mydoct orhadhel pedt oi denti
fy
tri
gger st hatIhaddev elopedf rom ay ounger
agewi thoutev enr eali
sing.OnceIunpacked, it
camer av ell
ing.Fr om mychi ldhoodt ohowI
endedupassaul tedbyLucas.Ther ewer etwo
thingsIst i
llneededt odoi nmyheal i
ngj ourney,
visitmymot herandLucas.Ther ewast i
mef or
that, Iwasn’ tinahur ry.Butonet hingIcould
say ,Icoul df i
nallysl eep.Peacef ulwithout
dreamshaunt ingme.Icoul df i
nal l
ylabel what
happenedt omydadf orwhati twas, an
acci dent .Al so, mymot herwasadamagedand
abusi vesoul .Lucaswasanabusi veasshole
andIhadnobusi nessmar r
yinghi m.The
womant hatmar riedhi m hadbeenadamaged
soul ,andneededt ol oveher selfbet t
er.Iwason
thejourneyoft hatself
-l
oveandt hatshoul d
i
ncludeget ti
ngl ai
d,ri
ght?Getti
ngmyownpl ace
wasoutoft hequestionasMkhul ulisulkedfor
dayswhenIbr oughtthesubjectup.Ihadn’ t
beenkeenonmov i
ngoutany way.Ilovedt he
familyunitwewer ebecomi ng.So,Icont ri
buted
towardst heupkeepoft heplace.Event hough
Mkhul ul
iclaimednott oneedi t
,Iwast akingmy
l
ifebackandt hatmeant ,
payingmyownway
eveninsmal lways.
Get t
inglaidneededmyboy friendt omakea
mov esoonbef or eIbursti nflames.Thedat es
thatwewentonwer etorture, beauti
ful
,exciti
ng
buttor t
ure.Wet alkedandconnect edonal evel
Ididn’tthi
nkhumanscoul dr each.Wel aughed
andhadmor ef unt hanIev erhadi nmyl i
fe.We
kissedatt heendofeachdat e.Hot,scorching
kissesthatl ef
tmesl eekbet weenmyl egsbut
thenMkhul uli
woul dpullback, ki
ssmeont he
foreheadandsendmet omyr oom.IfIdidn’t
seethebulgei
nhi spant
sandt heheatinhis
eyes,Iwouldt
hinkhedidn’tf
indmeattracti
ve.I
wasn’tbol
denought opursuethi
ngs,y
et .
Nozi,thepar tyani mal thatshei shadcor nered
mei ntoor ganisingahousewar mingpar t
y.
Mkhulul i
hadi nitiallyrefusedbutt henaf t
er
muchpest eri
ngf rom hi ssisterhe’ dsuccumbed.
Sonowwewer eatacat erer’
shouse, fortasti
ng.
Wewer en’tgoingt ol i
ftaf i
nger ;catererswould
bri
ngf oodandpr ov ideser vers.Wewer en’
t
expectingmanyguest s.Af ewofNozi ’sand
Zano’sf r
iends, ThaboandMusawer ebr i
nging
thei
rs.Mkhul ulidi dn’thav eanyf ri
endsbesi des
MusaandThabo, wel lanyt hatIknowof f
anyway .May beaf ewofhi sbusi ness
acquaintances.Ihadonl yinvitedKoket soand
herhusband.
“
Ilovet
heribs.Theyaretast
y.”Nozihummed
l
i
ckingthesaucefrom herfi
ngers.
“
It
’st
hewi
ngsf
orme.
”Isai
dfi
nishi
ngof
fmy
wing.Ihaddevelopedaheal t
hyrel
ationship
withfoodthepastmont hs.IatewhatIliked
andjoggeditoffthefol
l
owi ngmor ni
ng.If i
nal
l
y
madepeacewi thmybody ,i
twasmi neandi t
wasbangingandIdi dn’
tneedany one’s
approval
.
“
Putt
hoseont
hemenu.
”Nozi
sai
d.
“I
tmightbeabi
tmuchtohavebot
hNoz.
Rememberther
eisst
il
labr
aai.
”
“I
twil
lbefingerfoodswhilewewaitfort
he
braai
.Tr
ustme, thesewill
beneededespeci
all
y
witht
heincreaseofalcoholi
ntake.
”
“
Arewehavingcaketoo?
”Ipr
eenedatseei
ng
t
heassor
tedsli
ces.
“Yes,that
’svani
ll
a,chocol
ate,andredvelv
et.
Youcanchooseei t
heroral
lofthem.”The
cater
ingladysaid.Aft
erafewbi t
esofeach.I
wasundeci dedbetweenvanil
l
aandchocol at
e.
Nozifeltt
hesamesowedeci dedonbot h.Once
wef
inal
i
sedt
hedet
ail
swel
eft
.
“So,youandmybr otheraresti
llshari
ng
separ at
erooms. ”Nozisai
dt hemomentI
reversedoutoft hecater
er’shouse.Iwas
dri
v i
ng,eventhoughappar entl
ymydr ivi
ng
wouldputev eryonetosleepaccor di
ngtoZano.
“Iam notdiscussi
ngt
hatwi
thy
ou.
”She
chuckled.
“Buthonestl
y,you’
vebeengoingonthesedates
foral
mostt hr
eemont hsnow.AndI’
veseenthe
wayy oulookateachother
.”Sheshi
vered.“
It
’s
ew.”
Isi
ghed.“
Iam t
ryi
ng,
butyourbr
otherseemst
o
betr
eati
ngmewi t
hkidsgl
oves.
”
“Yougott
amakeamov egirl
.Heisprobably
hesi
tantbecauseofwhaty ou’v
ebeent hr
ough,
soIsupposetheballisi
ny ourcourt
.”She
mighthaveapoint.Theproblem i
s,Ineverhad
toseduceanyone.
“
May
be.
”
“YouknowI ’mr i
ght.So, t
onightyouhavethe
housetoy oursel
f.Ihav eadat eandZanohasa
sleepov
er.Webot hreturntomor r
owmor ni
ng
forthepartypreparati
ons.”Iglancedather.
“
Adat
ewi
thwhom?
”
Sherol
l
edherey es.“Wi
thmyfri
ends.
”Isent
anot
hersuspi
ciouslookather
.
“Ihopei
t’
snotThabo.”Shemadean
exasper
atedsound.
“Ohplease,thatonedoesn’
tev
ent hi
nkIexi
st.I
f
heisn’
tignoringme,heistr
eat
ingmel i
kean
annoyingli
tt
lesist
er!I
t’
smaddening!
”
“Youaresortofli
kealit
tl
esi
stert
ohi
m.”Her
sharpgazecutthroughme.
“No,I
’m not.Buti
tdoesn’
tmatter
.I’
llshowhim
thatI
’m notababyhethinksIam.”Ishift
ed
uneasy.
“
How?
”
“I
’
m br
ingi
ngahotdatet
omorrow.”Shehada
gl
eam i
nherey
e.Godhelpus.Sheseemedli
ke
awomanonami ssi
on.
Istoodi nf r
ontofmybedr oom mirr
orand
scrutinisedmyr efl
ecti
on.Ihadonabackl ess
blackhal terneckmi nidressandbl ackhigh
heels.Il ookedgood, atleastIhoped.The
j
oggi ngseemedt odowonder sformybody .I
wasn’ tgoi ngt obecomeaswi msuitmodel by
anyst retchbutIl ookedgood.What ’
simpor tant
Ifeltgood.Onemor elooki nthemirror,
Iwent
towai tf ormydat e.Nozi andZanohadhel ped
mesetupt het ablebeforetheylef
t.Theyev en
helpedwi t
hdi nner.Chi
ckenschni t
zel,creamed
spinach, pumpki nandcheesesauce.Abot tleof
winechi l
ledont hetablewi t
hcandlesfli
cker i
ng
through.Thel i
ghtswer eswi t
chedof f
,bathing
theent irer oom insoftlight.OfcourseI’
dbe
i
ndul gingal oneinthewi nes.Mkhululiwas
adamantaboutnotdr
inki
ng.
Isatont het able, straightenedt hepl ateholder s
onemor et i
me.Checkedondi nerandr eturned
tothet abl e.Af terawhi leIpour edmy selfa
glassofwi nebecausemyner veswer eget t
ing
thebet terofme.Icoul dact uallyhearmyhear t
beat ,thuddi ngagai nstmychest .Halfway
throughmygl assofwi ne,Iheardt hegar age
andgat eopeni ngandt heheadl ightsshone
agai nstt hewi ndow.Showt i
meSi sonke.Ifor ced
my sel ftobr eatheasIwai ted.Thedooropened
asi finsl owmot ion, thenhest ood, fi
ll
ingthe
door way .Hi sey esadj ust i
ngt ot hediml ight.He
wor ebl acksl i
mf itt
ingpant sandawhi teshirt,
twot opbut tonsl eftundone.Mybodyr eactedi n
thewayi tusual lydi d.Heatspr eadingal lover
meatt hesexysi ght.Ist oodonshakyl egsand
wat chedhi m puthi sl aptopbagandkey sont he
tablebyt heent r ance.
“
What
’st
his?
”heaskedwi
that
ent
ati
vesmi
l
e
ashemov edtowardsme.Myf eetmovedon
thei
rown, meeti
nghim hal
fway.OnceIreached
him,Iplacedmyhandsonhi schest.Pl
ayi
ng
withthetopbutton.
“
Dinner
.”
“Oh.”Hishandscameandcaressedmyupper
arms.Thet ouchonit
sownhadmecl enching
myt hi
ghs.“It
sbeauti
ful
.WhatdidIdoto
deservesuch?”Godhisvoi
ceplayedmelikea
str
ing,pul
li
ngatallmynerv
eendings.
“Youdeser veal lt
hegoodt hingsMkhul uli.
”I
clear edmyt hroatasmyv oicecr acked.“ You’ve
alway sgiv
ensomuchofy ourselfwi t
hout
aski ngany thinginreturn.Ilovey ourhear t.”He
blinkedhi sey esglisteni
ng.Icoul df eelmi ne
bur ningbutIwasn’ tdone.“ Thanky ouf ort aki
ng
car eofme.Youf oundmebr okenandy ou
hel pedmeputt hepiecesofmet oget her.I
promi seyou, I’
m okay .
”Ichuckl ed.“Okay ,Idon’t
thinkI ’l
leverbeper fect,butwhoi s?I’
m okay
Luli
.”Imov edcloserneedinghi sheat.“Ij
ust
wantt otakecareofy ou.Gi v
ey outhewor l
das
youdome.Makey ourday sbet t
er,baby.You
deservetobepamper edev erydayofy ourl
ife
andIpr omisetodot hat.”Hisintensegaze
searchedmi neandIf el
tasi ftheey eswere
touchingeverywheretheyl ooked.“Ifyou’
ll
let
me.Ilov eyouLuli.
”Ifelthisbodygor i
gidashis
handst i
ghtenedonmyar ms.
“Baby,
”hewhi
spered,hi
stoner
ugged.“
Sayi
t
again.
”Hewasclosernow.
“
Ilov
eyou.
”
“IneverthoughtIwoul dhearyousayt hatagain.
God.Ilovey oubaby .”Butter
fl
iesswarmedi n
myst omachasher eachedout ,
cuppingmyj aw,
ti
lt
ingmyf aceupsohecoul dseal hi
sl i
psov er
mine.Myey esfel
l closedasweshar edahappy
moan, ti
nglesroll
ingdownmyspi neand
makingmyst omacht ight
.Iwrappedmyar ms
aroundhiswai stbringinghim cl
oser,feeli
nghis
har
dnessagai
nstmyt
ummy
.
“
Iwanty
ou.”Imurmuredagai
nsthi
sli
ps,
not
wi
ll
i
ngtolethi
m go.
“Now?Whataboutdi
nner
?”t
her
ewasasmi
l
ein
hisvoi
ce.
“Ineedy outof eedmesomet hingelse.Right
nowMkhul ul
i!”hesweptmeupi nhisarms
withoutasecondt houghtandhe’ swasst alki
ng
towar dshi
sr oom.“ I’
m goingt obreaky our
back.”Ibur i
edmyheadonhi sneckandni bbl
ed.
Hegr oaned,hischestv i
brati
ngagai nstme.He
deposi t
edmeonhi ssoftbedandIbounced,
l
aughi ng.Hemadequi ckwor ktakinghis
clothesoffandIal mostr ippedmydr essoff.
“Damnbaby .
”HiseyesdarkenedasIthr
ewmy
dressaside,sprawl
ingonthebednaked.If
elt
daringallofasuddenandslidmyhand
betweenmyl egsandtheothert
weakingmy
nipple.“
Fuck.”Hefumbledwithhispant
sst
uck
onhi sshoes.Hi sey esr oamedmybodyand
keptr eturningtomycor e.Myi nnermuscl es
clenchedashi sgazepenet ratedt hroughme.
Ev entuallyhest ood, gloriouslynaked.Hi shard
memberj utti
ngbef or ehi m, hi
ssl itgli
steni
ng.
Hewr appedhi shandar oundhi slengt hand
gav ehi mselfaf ewt ugsasIwat ched.Thenhe
crawl edov erme, hi ssilkyy etsol i
dl ength
l
eav ingawett r
ailonmyheat edski n.Hishand
gent lystrokedmycur vesunt i
l hewashov eri
ng
abov eme.Hi schestr isingandf alli
ngmi rr
ored
mi ne.Isl i
ppedmyhandoutandbr oughtmywet
fi
nger st omyl ips.Hegr abbedmywr i
stbeforeI
coul dandl ickedthem of funtiltheywer e
cleaned.Thenhedi ppedhi shandandhi sli
ps
capt uredmi ne, It
ast edmy selfonhi m.Iopened
myt highswi deallowi nghi mt oset tl
ebetter
them.Icoul dfeel thet ipofhi smember
proddi ngatmyent rance.
“
Now,
Lul
i
!”Webot
hmoanedashesl
i
din,
tor
turousl
ysl
owwhil
ewatchi
ngformyreact
ion.
Ihookedmylegsar
oundhisl
owerback,
pull
i
ng
himin.
“Fuuuck!”Il
etoutal
oudmoanashegroaned
feeli
nghim al
lthewayi
n.“
Thi
sisgoi
ngtobe
quick.”Hegri
tt
ed.Hi
sbackmuscl
esworked
undermyhands.
“Makeitgoodthen.
”Ipanted.Thenhemov ed
andImybodyl i
tupf r
om withi
n.It
ouchedhim
everywher
eIcouldreachwhilehi
stongue
fuckedmymout hashepistonedinandoutof
me.
“I’
m cl
osebaby .”Her asped.It eet
eredov erthe
edgeandhi spubi cboneappl i
edthepr essur eI
neededagai nstmyov er
sensi t
ivecli
t.If elthis
touchtothecor eofmybody .Thiswasheal ing
meonanot herlevel
.Wasi tevenpossi blet o
l
ov ehim anymor ethanIdi d?Hi sbreathing
mi ngl
edwithmi neandcr eat edaf l
uffycl oudin
myhear t
.Iwant edt ocry,scream, andl etthe
univ
er seknowt hatI’dfi
nall
ybeent ouchedby
speciallove.Ashi sst r
okesincreasedt heirpace,
mybodyspasmed, mycl imaxt eari
ngt hrough
mesounexpect edlythatIletoutal oudscr eam.
Hewasn’ tfarbehindashest i
ll
edabov eme,
whil
ehespasmedandr eleased.Hist eeth
l
oggedonmyshoul derandhishandsbur i
edin
myhai rinat ightgrip.Hisheavywei ghtsettl
ed
onme, andIwel comedi t
.Ourbodi essl i
ckwi th
sweataswet ri
edt ogetoxy geni nourlungs.
Eventuallyhemov edof fmeandl ai
donhi s
backnextt ome.Het urnedtolookatme, witha
hugesmi l
eonhi sface,Icouldn’thelpbutr et
urn
i
t.
“
Wehav
etodot
hatagai
n.”
“
Iagr
ee.
’Isai
d.“Butf
ir
stl
etmegof
eedy
ou
t
henyoucanfeedmeagain.
”
“Di
nnercanwait.
”Hesai
dpl
ayi
ngwi
thmy
sensi
ti
venippl
e.
“
Wehav
eal
lni
ghtbaby
.”
“Ilovethesoundoft hat.
”Het ur
nedt ome,
trail
inghisli
psagainstmysweat yneckand
thenwhenhi stongueloopedagainstmy
ear l
obe,Isurrender
edtohistouch.Dinnercoul
d
certainl
ywait.
Itwaspastmi dnightwhenwef i
nall
ygott o
dinner .Isatont hefloorwear ingtheshirthe
wor eear l
ier.Itsmel ledofhi m andIkept
smuggl ingi n.Hewor eonl yhi
sblackboxer s.I
nur sedagl assofwi newhi lehewashav inga
bot tl
eofwat er.Wesati ntheloungeont he
plushcar pet .Ihadmyl egsdrapedov erhis
thighsf aci nghi m.Iwat chedhi mtakeasi pof
hiswat er.Theway shi slipsli
ckedthedr oplet
s
thatf ellaway .Itremi ndedmeofwhathedi d
withhi st ongueear l
i
er .Mybodyshi vered.
“
What?”heaskedpul
li
ngmeclosert
hatmy
f
rontwasfl
ushedagai
nsthi
m.
“I
t’
sjustthet
hingsy
oudot ome.Inev
er
experi
encedsuchpl
easur
e.”Iwhi
sper
ed
cuppi
nghi sj
aw.
“Ifeelt
hesamebaby
.”Hel
eanedf
orwar
dand
kissedme.
“
Wait,befor
ewegetcarr
iedaway.
”Ireachedf
or
t
hegiftbagonthecof
feetabl
e.“
Igotyouagift
.
Her
e.”Ipassedi
ttohi
m.
“
Thiseveni
ngkeepsget
ti
ngbet
ter
.”Heseemed
r
eluct
anttoopeni
t.
“
Openi
t.
”Heletoutasoftl
augh.Hereached
i
nsi
det
hebackandtookouttheenv
elope.
“
What
’st
his?
”
“I
t’
sourhol
idayv
ouchers.Ibookedusfl
ight
s
andaccommodationt
oCapet own.It
’sopen,so
we’l
lhavet
odecideonthedate.”
“Wow.Myfir
sttr
ip.
”Iknewhe’
dplannedtogo
onhol
idaywit
hhissibl
i
ngsbef
oreIhappened.
“Iknow.It
’sforallf
ourofus, al
thoughwehav e
aseparatesuitfarawayf r
om thetwo. ”He
l
eanedf or
war dandkissedmeagai n.Iwas
getti
ngaddictedtohiskisses.“Thereismore.
”
Hef r
owned.Reachedi nsidethebag.
“
Ifeel
bad.Idi
dn’
tgety
ouany
thi
ng.
”
“You’
vegivenmemyl i
febackandmoreLuli
.
”
Heopenedt heboxi
nsi
dethebagandhis
mouthdroppedwhenhepul l
edoutt
hewatchI
bought.“
Ihopeyoul
ikeit
.”
“Il
oveit.Thankyou.
”Thi
stimewhenheki
ssed,
hepushedbebackunt i
lIwasonmybackand
proceededtoshowhowhappyhewaswi t
hhis
gif
ts.Ifel
tsohappyIcoul
dburst
.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er25

Ieyet hepeopl ei nt hepool ,andIenv yt hem.

Hadi tbeennotoccupi ed, Iwoul ddef initelybe
chil
li
ngi nsidet hepool ,may beitwoodcool me
downabi t.InsteadIam st andingagai nstt he
wall,t
rackingSi sonke’ smov ement s.Shei s
playi
ngt hegr aci oushostv erywel l
, l
ooki ngsure
andconf i
dent.Ican’ thel pbutsmi l
eev eryt i
me
shesmi l
esatsomeone.Myey esscant he
l
engt hofherbody .Shei swear i
ngr i
ppedshor t
s
thataresoshor ttheydi sappearundert he
globesi fherbut t
,leav i
nghercr eamyt hi ghson
displ
ay .Thet highst hatwer elockedar oundmy
neckonl yaf ewhour sagoasIl appedonher
j
uices.Damn, Itryandst eermyway war d
thought sintolessheat edt err
itory.Butev enasI
l
ookaway ,Ican’
thel pbutbedr awnbackt oher
.
Shehasanov ersizegraphi ct-shir
tthathasonl y
onesi det uckedi ntohershor ts.Shelookssexy
ashel l andIwonderi fsher ealisestheef fect
shehasonme.Shet ur
nst olookatmeandher
smi l
ef alters,Icanseet hebl usht hattintsher
cheeks.Shesay ssomet hingt oherfriend
Koket soandt henshemakesherwayt ome.
Herey esbecomemor eintenseassheget s
closer.Ir ecogniset helooki mmedi ately.She
reachesoutandwr apsherar msar oundmy
waist, holdingmet oher .Ibreatheinherscent
andi tabl essingandcur se.Myent ir
ebody
l
ightsupandy etmyhear tiscal merwi t
hherso
closet ome.

“Youcan’tl
ookatmel i
kethatdur
ingt
he
people.
”Shewhispersagai
nstmychest.It
ip
herfaceup,sosheislooki
ngatme.
“
Likewhat
?”

“
Likey
ouwantt
odev
ourme.
”

“Ido.”Shegoesonhert
oes,
inchi
ngherl
i
ps
closer.

“Ohhellno!”thereprimandfrom Thabois
accompani edbyhi m separ
ati
ngus.“ Gees.The
eyefuckingbetweent hetwoofy ouisenough
tosetthey ar
donf i
re.I
t’
saparty.Breakthis
up.”Si
sonkel aughsandwal ksaway .Leavi
ng
meawkwar dlyadjusti
ngmy sel
f.

“
Youar
esuchamoodki
l
ler
.”

“
I’
m gl
adIcoul
dbeofser
vice.Iunder
standi
t’
s
beenawhi l
ebutcany oubesoci
alj
ustforafew
hoursthenyoucangof uckli
ker
abbi
ts.
”Thabo
l
ooksatmepoi ntedl
y.“Behi
ndcl
oseddoors.
”
Hiseyesret
urntoscant hesmal
lcr
owdashe
speaks.

“
Didy
oul
osesomeone?
”

“
Yeah,
Musa.
”Hesay
sabsent
ly.

“Oh,hewentt hatwaywi thsomedude. ”He

smacksmyar m andgoesthewayMusawent .
Leavingmewonder ingwhat’sthatabout.Just
thenanAmapi anosongcomesonandNozi
dragsSonket ot hedancefl
oor .ThisIgottosee.
Irel
axagai nstthewallandwat chasNozi
teachesSonkeaf ewmov es.Zanoandhi s
fri
endsar ehuddledinacornerwi ththeburstof
l
aught ercomingt hr
oughev eryfewseconds.
Ever
yoneisinsmallgroupsandtheyseem to
behav i
ngagoodt i
me.Inmydi st
ract
ionIdon’
t
noti
ceSisonkeapproachingmeuntil
sheis
swayingsidet
osidebef oreme.

“
ComeLul
i
,dancewi
thme.
”

Ibri
ngmywat erbot
tl
etomyl
i
psshaki
ngmy
head.“
Idon’
tdancebabe.
”

“Ohy eshedoes. ”Nozisayscomi ngupt omy

sidegrabbingmywr i
st.Theybothtugme
towardst hespacethat’sappar
ent l
yturnedinto
adancef l
oor.Themomentwej ointhedancing
peopleNozi l
et’sgowhi l
eSisonkemov esher
assagai nstmycr ot
ch.Iguesswear edoing
thatkindofdance.Mybodyoni tsownget sint
o
therhythm.Shecanmov eI’
l
lgiveherthatand
I’
m notmadaboutmyv i
ewfrom wher eI’
m
st
anding.So,wemov einsyncli
keourbodies
weremadet odancetogether
.Whenshet urns
ar
ound,sheloopsherarmsar oundmyneck
whil
eIholdherhips.

“I
’
m havi
ngfun,
”shesay s.She’
shadacoupleof
dri
nksi
nhersystem,Iknowbecauseshehas
mademeherdr i
nkmi xerandIl
oveadrunk
Si
sonke.Uni
nhi
bited.

“I
’m havi
ngf untoo.
”Inipthesi
deofherneck
andshegi ggles.WhenthesongchangesThabo
i
sbackont hedancefloorandhepull
smeapart
fr
om Sisonke.

“Asibaboni
senj
ay am.”Hesay salreadyt
aki
ng
thealltoof
amili
arstance.IshakemyheadbutI
j
oinhi m.Af
teracoupleofsy nchr
onisedmoves,
Ireali
sewearesurrounded,andthesmall
crowdischeer
ing.Myti
metodi
sappeart
omy
corner
.Iwasneveronetol
i
keat
tenti
ononme.

“Damnbr o.Inev
erknewyouhadt hosemov es
ony ou.”Fuckmybr ot
herhasapparent
ly
acquiredt hedamntwang.I
t’
smor epronounced
becauseIsuspecthemi ghtbedri
nkingwithhis
fri
ends.

“Icouldshowyouathi
ngort wo,
Isay,l
eani
ng
againstthewal
landwatchi
ngthepeopl
edance.

“
Nah, Idon’
tdothatAmapi anoshitbruh.”He
walksbacktohisfri
ends.Whoar ealldressed
l
iketheneonli
ghts.Ifeelol
deverytimeIl ookat
t
hem.
“Gr
eatpart
yMK.”Musashy
lysay
sashesi
dles
upnexttome.
“I
tis.”Ican’
tdenyi
t.It
’sgoodtoseeevery
one
havingfunandlett
ingloose.“
Areyougood?”

Hel et
soutasi gh.“
It’
smydad. ”Hi
sgaze
f
ollowsThaboashespeaks.Thabowhoseems
t
obecar efull
yav oi
dingNozi
.Itwouldbef
unny
i
fitdidn’
tgrateonmyner ves.

“
Whatdidhedo?
”hetakesanot
herl
ongbr
eat
h.
Heseemstobedebat
ingwhatt
otel
lme.

“Justdi
ctat
inghowIliv
emyl i
fe.”Heshrugs
andtakesasipofhisdrink.Iwaitforhi
mt o
conti
nuebecauseIcanseehei sn’
tcomfortabl
e
shari
ng.So,Iwon’
tpressurehim.

“
Youknowy oudon’thav
et odancetohi
stune,
r
ight
?”If
inal
lysayaft
erthestr
etchedsi
l
ence.
Themani
sadi
ctat
orofnot
e.

“Iwishitwast hateasy .
”Isomet i
meswonder
whatmyl i
fewoul d’
vebeenl i
kewi thpar
ents
around.Itfeel
sl i
keev enthosewi t
hpresent
parentstheirl
i
v eswer ejustasmessedupi fnot
mor e.ThenIrememberhowmymom was, we
wer ebett
eroffwi thherwhenshewasal iv
eand
thepeoplewear etodayar etheresul
tsofher
l
ov e.AsThaboappr oachesus, Musawalks
away .Thaboscowl saf t
erhim.

“What’sthatabout ? ”Iask.Heshrugs.Weird.
Nozianswer sacal landsher unstothefrontof
thehouse.Af ewmi nuteslat
ershecomesback
herarm hookedar oundat al
lguy,
whol ooksa
coupleofy earsy oungert hanme.Heal solooks
l
ikehef r
equent st hegy mi ft
hebody-huggingt-
shir
tisanyi ndication.Shecomesst rai
ghtto
wher
eThaboandIar
enowsi
tt
ingat
.

“Lul
ithi
si sAvela, Avelat
hisismybrotherand
hisfr
iendThabo. ”Av ela,
givesushi
sper f
ect
smileashest retchesahandt ome.Ishakehis
handandwhenhedoest hesamewithThabo,
Thaboi gnor
esi t
, glari
ngathim.Thepoorguy s
drophishandsl ooki ngbetweenus,unsure.

“Ni
cetomeetyouAvel
a.”Isaybr
eaki
ngthe
awkwardsi
l
encethatf
oll
owsThabo’sdr
amati
c
move.

“Excuseus,
Ineedt ogetAvelasomefood.
”We
watchherdisappeari
nsidethehousedr
agging
Avelawit
h.

“
Dudet
hatwasr
ude.
”
“Whyar
ey oual
l
owinghertobr
ing
amakhwenkweint
oyourhome?”

“
All
owi
ng?
”Isnor
t.“
Dudeshei
s20.
”

“Oh,sothatmakesitokayt
hen.Azol
ala
namadodaaphakwakho? ”Iam t
akenabackby
theangerinhi
stone.

“Dude,
rel
ax.Sheisdi
shingupfoodnothavi
ng
sexwit
hhim.”Heplaceshisgl
assonthetabl
e
andnotsogentl
ethenwalksaway.

“Wheredidyourrudefr
ienddisappeart
o?”I
don’
thavet i
met oexamineThabo’sbehavi
our
asNozireturnswit
hherfri
end.Theysitonthe
chai
rsopposi t
eme.Okay ,
iti
swei r
dthatI
’m
nowsi tti
ngwi thamanwhomi ghtbesl eeping
withmysi st erandIst andatthet houghtand
l
eav ethem be.Ideci detogoar oundthehouse
towher eThabodi sappearedto.WhenIr ound
thecor ner
, Icomet oahaltasIf i
ndThabo
cagingMusaagai nstthewall,Musa’shandsar e
ball
edi nfistswhilet hei
rheadsar esocl ose.As
i
fThaboi swhi sper i
nginhisear.Itseemst oo
i
nt i
mat east ancef ormet ointerr
upt.So, I
slowlyinchbackwar dsunt
ilI
’m outofthei r
sight.Okay ,whatt hefuckwast hat?

“Baby .
”Sisonke’
svoicejerksmeoutofmymini
freakout.“Comedancewi t
hme.”Yeah,
maybeI
shouldbedoi ngthatmorebecausealotof
wei r
dshitishappeningaroundme.

“
Areyouokay?Youlookli
keyouhavejustseen
aghost
.”SheasksasIreachf
orherhand.
“I’
m good. ”Isayabsent l
y.“Now, comeshowme
whatot hermov esy ougot .
”Af ewmi nutesof
hav i
ngSonkemov i
ngagai nstmehasme
forgetti
ngev eryoneel sebuther .Ast heday
goesont hepar tybecomesmor eener gi
sedas
peopl egetmor edr unk.ThaboandMusahav e
returnedandThaboi snothi susual funsel f
.I’
m
i
tchingt oaskwhat ’
sgoi ngonbet weent hem
butIf eeli
ftheywantmet oknowt hey’
llletme
know.Idon’ tmi sst hegl aresthatNozi t
hr ows
i
nThabo’ sdirection.It’samessandIwantt o
separ atemy selffrom i t
.
It
’sal
mostmi dni ghtandmostoft heguest sare
gone.Theonlypeopl eleftbehindThaboand
Musaar esit
tingont hesamet wo-
seater,
Koketsoandherhusband, Ialwaysforgethis
namehav et
akent heother,Aveladude,whoi s
cosywi t
hNozi ont heone-seater
,andIam
si
tti
ngwi thadr unkgir
lf
ri
endonmyl apandshe
i
sget t
ingfri
skier.Zanoandhi sfri
ends,aresti
ll
i
nt hecornerthey’
doccupiedt
heent i
reday.
Theyhaveaspeakerpl ayi
ngtheirownmusic.
Ourshasbecomebackgr oundnoi seaswechat
amongstour selv
es.I
t’
sawhi l
elaterwhen
Koketsoandherhusbandl eavesandAvelai
sn’
t
farbehi
nd.

“Takemet
obed.”Sisonke’
swhi
speragai
nstmy
earhasmeshi
veri
ng.Idon’
twast
etimepicki
ng
herup.

“Eh, goodni ghtev eryone!

”Icall
outaswe
disappeari nsidet hehouse.Theyar eallgr
own
upst heycanseet ot hemselv
es.Shewhi spers
allthef il
thythingsshewant smet odot oheras
wewal kdownt hepassaget omyr oom.Dr unk
Sisonkehasnof i
lter
.Ili
ke.AndItellheras
much.
Thef ol
l
owi ngmor ningislaughabl e.Honestly
seeingpeoplehol dt hei
rheadsasi fsomeonei s
gri
dingrocksi nsi
deoft hem ishilarious.Makes
mewonderwhatt hepointoft heirdr i
nki
ngisif
theyarethismi serablethef ol
lowi ngday .Ij
ust
camef rom myr unt of i
ndNozi andSonkei nthe
l
ounge.I ’
m surprisedt oseeThabocomi ngout
oftheguestr oom t hough.

“It
houghtyoul
eftl
astni
ght
.”Isayuncappi
nga
col
dbottl
eofwater.

“Iwasdrunkt
odri
vedude.
”Hemur
mur
sashe
swit
chesontheket
tl
e.

“
Musa?”Asi
fIconj
uredhi
m,hewal
ksout
l
ooki
ngashungoverasev
ery
oneel
se.
“Overher
e.”Hesaysthr
owi
nghi
msel
font
he
couchnexttoSi
sonke.

“
Oh.
”

“
What
?”Thaboquest
ionsqui
etl
y,hi
sbr
owl
i
fted.

“Nothi
ng.
”Henarrowshi
seyesatmef
oraf
ew
secondsandIkeephi
sstar
e.

“
Ican’
ttal
kabouti
t.
”Hesay
saf
terawhi
l
e.

“Whenyouarer
eady.
”Henods.Justt
henmy
phoneri
ngsandi
t’
sanunr
egist
erednumber
.I
hatet
hose.

“
Hel
l
o.”
“
Mkhul
uli
.”

“Hope?”Aaandevery
one’
sareonme.Ishif
t
uncomfort
ableunderSi
sonke’
sfr
own.Idon’
t
evenknowwhyI ’
m uncomfort
abl
e.

“Ineedyourhel
p.”Onl
ythenIr
egi
stert
he
dist
ressinhert
one.

“Wher eareyou? ”I’

m alr
eadygr
abbingmykeys.
Sher att
lesoffanaddr essasIopenthedoor
.
Justbef or
ewal kingout,Ist
opandlookat
Sisonke.Shesmi l
esandnodsherheadthenI
am gone.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er26

I’
m surpr
isedtoseeThaboopeningthef r
ont
passengerdoorjustasIsl
i
deinonthedr iver
’s
si
de.Idon’tevenknowwhyI ’
m sur
prised.Heis
prot
ectiv
elikethat
.

“What’
shappeni
ng?”Heaskspul
l
inghi
s
seat
beltwhi
leIbuckl
emine.

“
I’
m notsur
e.Hopesay
ssheneedshel
p.”
Icanfeelhi
seyesonmeasIrever
seout.
“Usual
lypeopl
ecal
lthecopsf
orhel
pbruh.
”

“
Iknowt
hatbutIoweher
.”
“Whatfor?Sext
hatwaspaidfor
?”Myeyescut
thr
oughhim.Heshrugsnotapol
oget
icof
course.

“Notf
ort
hat,shebeenther
eformeandIl
ether
down.
”Hisexhal
eistooloud.

“Ntwana,It
houghtjailwouldhardeny ou.You
aretoosoftforthi
swor l
d.”Idon’tanswerthat,
healwaystel
lsmet hisevenwhenwewer ekids.
Wedr i
veinsilenceforawhi l
eandt heGPSi s
l
eadingmet oaf amili
arneighbourhood.

“So,ar
ey ougoingt
otel
lmewhat ’sgoi
ngon
betweeny ouandMusa?”Ihavetoknow.Idon’t
knowwhy ?Par
tofmefeelsit
’shi
sbusinessbut
thenIthoughtwetol
deachotherevery
thing.
“
Thisst
aysbetweenus.
”Iglanceathi
m and
f
indhi
ml ooki
ngatme.“Notformebutfor
Musa.
”Inod.

“
Ofcour
sey
oucant
rustme.
”

“Musai sgay
.”If
rown.Iki
ndofsuspect
edbuti
t
didn’
treal
lymatt
ertome.

“
Okay
.”

“
It
’s.
..
”hesi
ghs.

“
Arey
ouandhi
m..
.?
”
“Ihookedupwi t
hhi m whenwer einsi de.
”It ake
anotherlookathim.“I’
veal waysbeenat tracted
tobothgenders.Itwasj usteasiert ohookup
withgirl
sbefor
e.”Icanseehi sshr ugatt he
cornerofmyey e.“Thenwhi leinside, Imet
Musa, befor
eyoucame.Hewassot erri
fi
edof
everyt
hing.Myprotecti
v einsti
nctski ckedi nand
thenonet hi
ngledtoanot her.Ihidi tfrom you
becauseMusai sn’tout.Hedi dn’twantany one
toknow.Especiall
yhisf ather.
”

“
Oh.
”

“Yes.Oh.It’sf
uckedup.Hi sfat
hercaughthi
m
i
nacompr omisi
ngpositi
on.Aweekl aterMusa
wasar restedforsomethinghedidn’
tknow
about.Hef oundoutlateraft
erhecameoutof
j
ail,
hisf at
herhadf r
amedhi m.Whenhe
confrontedhim, het
oldhim hethoughtif
maybeMusawentinjai
landhewasraped
maybethatwoul
dcureMusaofhissi
ckness.
”
Heusesairquot
esonsi
ckness.I
t’
safucked-
up
si
tuat
ion.
”
“Sowhywoul
dhisf
athert
hankusf
orl
ooki
ng
outf
orhi
m whenwecameout?”

“That
’spar tofhismindplayinggames.Idon’t
knowhowt hatmanwor ksallIknowhis
contr
ol l
i
ngway shavefuckedMusaup.Ev enthe
mentionofhi sdadhashi mf uckingtr
embli
ng.
Heisst i
lltr
y i
ngtoearnhisfather’sl
oveor
somet hing.
”

“Damn. ”I’
m happywedon’ towetheman
anything.Myinstinct
swer eri
ghtabouthim.He
i
sv erycalcul
atinginwhathedoesandIhope
Musaget sawayf rom hi
m.Hecanbeonhi s
owni fhewant ed.“Okay,soareyouseeingeach
ot
heri
nsecr
et?
”

“Il
ikehim.Alot.
”Ihearthesmilei
nhistoneand
takeanotherqui
cklookathim.Hehast hi
s
dreamylookonhi sfacethatI
’
veneverseen
before.“
Buthewant smet ocommit,onl
ythen
he’l
lri
skcomingoutandl eavi
nghi
sfami l
y.
”

“
Oh.Youguy
sar
ethatser
ious.
”

“Dude,I
’
m notbuil
tforthatmonogamousshi t
.
I
’m notasai
nt,f
uckt hatshi
t.Bei
ngwithjust
onepersonforwhat?Anent i
reyear
?Itfr
eaks
meout .
”

“
It
’sbeenknownt
ohappen.
”
“
That’
sal
lyounj
ayam.Thatcan’
tbeme.Ist
il
l
f
indwomenhotasfuck.
”

“
Noz
i?”

“
Whatabouther
?”

“Don’tt
ell
mey oudon’tseesheli
kesyou.
May beyoushouldtel
lheryouareal
soint
o
dudes.Thatmightputheroff
.”

Anothersi
gh.“SheknowsI
’m bi.It
hinkshe
fi
ndsithot
.Hereffort
shaveredoubledsi
nceI
tol
dher.NotaboutMusathough.Thathasto
comef r
om him.”

“
Fuck.
”Ican’
thav
emysi
steri
nvol
vedi
nsucha
messysituati
on.AndIknowThaboisaplayer
.
EvenMusai sn’
tsafewit
hhim.“Not
hingcan
happenbetweeny out
oobruh.Youarefami
ly.
Sheisyourfamily
.”

“Iknowthat.
”Icanheartheannoyanceinhi
s
tone.“
It’
sacrush.She’l
lgrowoutofi
t.”
Aslong
asshest ay
sfarfrom guysli
keAvel
a.Theguyi
s
dealer
.”

“
What
?”

“Yeah,whydoy outhi
nkIwasrudetohim
yester
day.Iwantedhimtofuckof
f.ButIwasn’
t
surehowmuchNozi knewaboutt
heguy .
”

“
Geezman.Youshoul
d’vet
oldme.It
oldy
ou
wer
ejeal
ousorsomet
hing.
”Heburst
sout
l
aughi
ng.

“Jeal
ousoft
hatsmall
boy!Mpf!”Ifeel
hisey
es
onmeagain.“So,
areyoucool
wi t
hme? ”

“
Huh?
”

“
Aboutmebei
ng,
youknow.
..
”

“
Nowy ouar
epi ssi
ngmeof
f?Whywoul
dwho
y
oufuckmattertome?”

“Wait,i
st hiswherewerearegoi
ng?”Ial
so
frownasIf ol
l
owt hedir
ect
ionst
oaf amil
iar
gate.Thesecur i
tyopensimmediat
elywhenhe
recognisesThabo.I’v
ebeenhereoncewhenwe
weremov ingNoziandZano.
“
Itseemsso.TheGPSsay
swe’
vear
ri
ved.
”

“
Thi
siswherePr
ett
y’spl
acei
s.”Thabost
ates
t
heobvi
ous.

“
Whyi
sHopehere?”Ipull
outmyphone
i
mmedi
atel
yaf
terparki
nganddi
alhernumber
.

“Weareatt
hev
isi
tor
’spar
king.
”Isaywhenshe
answer
s.

“Cometothelastuni
t,onyourri
ght.
”Ihangup
andweexitt
hecar .Wefindherwait
ingoutsi
de
anopenunit
.”Pret
tystaysattheoneaboveher.

“
Hi.
”Igr
eether
.Shel
ooksatmener
vousl
y.
“Ididn’tknowwhoel setocal l
.Comei n.”We
foll
owheri nside.Thaboisl ookingsuspi ciousl
y
aroundt heplace.Idon’tblamehi m.Thef l
atis
spar sel
yfurnishedwi t
hathr ee-seatercouch
andt wobinbags.Asmal l
TVont heol dTV
stand.Andt hereissomeonehuddl edont he
couch.“ Wouldy ouli
kesomet hingtodr ink?”

“Whyarewehere?
”Ii
nter
nal
l
ywi
nceatThabo’
s
cl
ippedtone.

Hopelooksatt hecouch.“ Shegotinwit

h
wrongpeoplelastni ght.It
hinkt
heydrugged
herandhurther .Ifoundheroutsi
deBella
House.
”I’m surprisedHopei sst
il
lanescort
.I
pai
dupal lherschool feesandsheshouldbe
donewithherqual ifi
cati
on.
“Don’
tlookatmeli
kethatMkhul
uli
.Not
every
onegetsthef
air
y-t
aleendi
ngli
keyoudi
d.
It
’seasymoneyandIneedajob.”

“Whot hehell
isthat?
”Thabohasn’tl
ostf
ocus.
Hopemov estothefi
gurecov
eredbythe
blanketandIletoutagaspwhenIseewhoi ti
s.
Wel lashadowofwhatsheusedt obeli
ke.

“
Pret
ty?
”

“Wear
eleavi
ng.”Thabogr
absmyel
bowand
pul
l
smet owardsthedoor
.

“Wait
.”Ipulloutofhisgr
asp.Barel
y.“
What
happenedt oher?”Shedoesn’
tlookgood.Ther
e
arebrui
sesar oundhereyesandshehaslosta
l
otofwei ght.
“Idon’tknow.It hi
nkshewassel li
ngont he
street.I
’v
eseenheracoupl eoftimesbyt he
streetcorner
.Shei sl ockedoutofherfl
at .I
thi
nksheowesr ent.Look,wear enotfr
iends
butIcoul dn’
tleaveherl i
kethat.Butshehast o
go.Thi si
smyboy friend’spl
aceandhedoesn’ t
wantherher e.”

“
Boy
fri
end?
”Thabosnor
ts.

“Yes.Someonewhol ovesme.Whoknowst hat

Ionlyescortpeopl
et odatesanddon’
tsellsex
anymore.”Thaboraiseshishandsinsur
render.

“I
’m notjudging,
”hesayswhi l
eIt
akeacloser
l
ookatPr et
ty.Myheartbreaksal
it
tl
eather
appearance.Iknowshet ookadealwit
hast at
e
soshecoul dbeawi t
nessinLucas’scase.She
didn’
tdoanyt imeinpr i
son.I
’
vebeenwant ing
speakt oherformyownpeaceofmi ndbutI
haven’tbeenpreparedtoseeherliket hi
s.
“WhatIdon’tunderstandiswhyy oucal l
ed
Mkhu.”IcanhearThabosayasIst andabov e
Prett
y.Sheseemst obeoutofit,i
si tdrugsoris
i
tsomet hingelse?

“WhoelsewasIsupposedt
ocal
l.I
t’
seit
herI
sendherbackonthestr
eet
sorMkhulul
i
.AndI
knowtheywerefr
iends.
”

“Nt
wana,wedon’
thav
etobeher
e.Let
’sgo.
”
Thabosaysov
ermyshoul
der
.

“Ineedt omakeaphonecall,
”Isayi
nsteadand
walkoutt othebal
conyleav
ingThaboandHope
arguing.Idi
alSi
sonke’
snumber .
“
Heybaby
.”Thesl
eepyt
oneswar
msmyhear
t.

“
Heybabe,
sti
l
lfeel
i
ngsl
eepy
?”Iam st
all
i
ng.

“Hungoveri
smor
eappr
opr
iat
e.I
sev
ery
thi
ng
okay?”

Isi
gh.Idi
dn’
ttel
lSi
sonkemuchaboutPr et
ty’
s
i
nvolv
ementwithherexhusbandandthatmight
comebackandbitemeintheass.“Hopecall
ed
meintoasit
uati
on.
”

“
Ifi
gur
edt
hatmuch.I
ssheokay
?”

“Yesshei
s.”Ihesi
tat
eforasecond.Thi
smight
betoomucht oaskofherbutmyheartwon’
t
al
lowmet oleav
ePr ettyinthi
ssituati
on.Not
whenIr emembershet ookusinwhenour
homebur ntdownandt ookcareofus.Imay
neverknoworunder standwhyshebet rayedme
butshest i
l
ltookmysi bli
ngsin.Wasi tguilt
?
May bebutifshehadn’ttheycould’vebeen
worseof f
.“ShefoundPr ett
yonthest reets,she
i
sinabadshape. ”Thereissil
enceont heother
end.“Baby?”

“Pr
ett
y.YourPr
ett
y?”Mytummyturnsatt
hat
.
SheisnotmyPret
ty.Shewasnev
ermine.

“
Baby
.Youar
emi
ne.Al
way
s.”

“
Iknowt
hat
.”Hert
onei
ssof
ter
.

“
Ican’
tleav
eherl
i
ket
hisbaby
.”
“Iknowthattoo.It
’sokaybaby
,youcanbr
ing
herhere.I
’
llprepar
etheguestroom.
”

“Areyousure?IcanaskThabo.”EventhoughI
knowhewi llnotagr
eetothat
.Thabodoesn’t
givesecondchancestoanyone.He’dcancel
l
ed
Prett
yevenbef or
ehewenttoprison.

“
I’
m sur
e.You’
dwoul
dn’
tbet
hemany
ouar
eif
y
ouwalkedaway.
”

“
Ilov
eyou.
”

“Il
oveyoutoo.”Shehangsup.Prettyiscoming
awakeasIwal kbackin.Hereyesslowlymov e
aroundtheroom unt
ilt
heylandonme.Then
sheabruptl
ysit
sup,thenimmediatelyholdsher
headwi
nci
ng.

“Mkhul
uli
,
”herv
oicei
sscr
atchy
.“Whatar
eyou
doi
nghere?”

“Ical
l
edhim?Ican’
tlety
oust
ayher
e.”Hope
answersf
orme.

“Oh.No,i
t’
sokay .I
’l
lfi
ndsomewher e.”Shegets
onherfeet.Sheiswearingaskimpiestdress
thati
ssupposedt oshowof fherbodybutit
i
sn’tasappeali
ngasi ti
smeantt obe.She
wrapsherarmsar oundherselfl
ooki
ngar ound.

“Pr
etty
,weknowy oudon’
thaveany wher
eelse
togo.Come,”Ihol
doutmyhandt oher.Ican
hearThabogroani
nghi
sdisapproval
.Shelooks
atmyhandasi fi
tasnake.Thensheshakesher
headast
ear
sdr
op.

“Ican’t
.Lul
i,
I’
m sorr
y.”Shehasnevercall
edme
LuliandI’
m notsur
eIl i
kethenameonherl ips
butIpushthatpett
ythoughtinthebackground.

“
Iknowy
ouar
e,comel
et’
sgo.
”

“
Idon’
twantt
oimpose.I
’
llf
indsomet
hing.
”

“Forfucksakes,st
opwiththepiti
fulact
.We
knowy oudon’thaveshi
ttogot o.Let’
sgo.
Becausewear enotgoingtostandherbegging
you!”Thabo’
stoneisannoyedandmenaci ng.
Thenhemov esandgrabsPret
tyleadingher
towardsthedoor.
“
Tman.
”

“
Hay
iasiv
ay eMkhulul
i!
”Iletoutasi
ght
hent
urn
t
oHope.“Thankyou,Iguess?”

“
Iknowit’
snotani
deal
sit
uati
on.Butknowi
ng
y
ou,Iknewyou’
dwanttohel
pher.
”

“I
’
m sor
ryfordoubti
ngyoubackthen.
”She
smil
esherfi
rstgenui
nesmil
esincewearr
ived.

“
Itcomeswit
hthej
ob.Noonet
rust
sahooker
,
r
ight?
”If
li
nch.

“
Itwasn’
tthat
,Ijustdidn’
twantt
obel
i
evePr
ett
y
woul
ddoit.I’
m sorry
.”
“
Youaref orgi
venMkhululi
.Thanky ouforwhat
youdi
df orme.Ihav ebet
terchoicesnowand
myli
feisn’tbad.Thankst
oy ou.”

“Youdi dthaty ourself.

”ShenodsandIgi v
eher
aqui ckhugandl eav e.Ifi
ndThabost andingby
thecarPr ett
y ’
sar m onhi sgr i
pandhisj awis
clenchedt i
ght.Ipr esst hekeyt oopen.He
guideshernotsogent l
etowar dsthebackseat
andgoesi nfront.Thebangi ngofthedoort el
l
s
met hel evelofhisannoy ance.Wedon’ tspeak
forawhi l
e.

“
IsSi
sonkeokaywi
tht
his?
”

“
Yes.
”That
’sal
lIsayunt
ilwegethome.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er27

“Ohhell no!”Noziscr
eechest hemomentwe
walkint hroughthedoor.Thabosni ckers
behindme.“ Whyhavey oubr oughtadev il
inour
home? ”shei sonherfeetnowappr oachingus.I
l
ookbehi ndhertoseeSi sonkecomi ngt oher
feetablankexpr essi
ononherf ace.I’
m mor e
i
nterestedi nhowshef eels.Zanoisst andi
ng
nexttoher ,fr
owning.Musabehi ndthem stands
l
ookinguncomf ort
ableasi fhewant stobol t
andleav eus.

“Samet hi
ngI’m wonder
ing.”Thehardtone
from Zanohasmef l
i
nching.Heisusuall
ythe
calm onebetweenthethreeofus.Rightnow,
thoughhisglarecoul
dslicethr
oughawal l.
“Calm downy outwoandt akeaseat .Weneed
total
k.”Iusemymostst ernvoi
ceandNozi
fol
dsherar msglaringatme.“Ii
nv i
tedPrett
y
becausesheneedshel p.Wedon’ tt
ur npeopl
e
awaywhent heyaredown.”

“ThisisnotachurchLuli
,youarenotJesus
givi
ngpeoplesecondchances!”Nozisay sand
thenshet ur
nsherfi
eryeyesonPr et
ty.“Andyou,
youhav etheaudaci
tytoaskmybr otherfor
help.Aft
erwhatyou’vedone?”

“
Idi
dn’
task…”

“Idon’tcar
e!Youareherearen’
tyou?Exact
ly
wher eyoualway
swant edtobe.Rightaf
ter
betrayi
nghim.Tell
meI ’mlyi
ng.DenyitSat
an!
”
“
Noz
i!”shel
ooksatmeunr
epent
ant
.

“
What
?”

“
Sitdown.
”

“Iam notsi
ttingdown.ThisisourhomeandI ’
m
sureIspeakf orall
ofuswhenIsaywedon’ t
wantherher e.”ShelooksatZanoandhenods
butSisonkegr i
maces.“NoSonke,youcan’
tlet
herstayhere.Notaf t
erwhatshedid.
”

“Let’
sallsi
tandall
owy ourbrotherachanceto
explai
n,”Si
sonkesays.Nozi’
sshoulderssag
andshemov esbacktothesitt
ingroom.Weall
shuffl
einandjointhem.Pret
tyr emai
ns
standi
ngbyt hedoor,l
ooki
ngunsur eandoutof
place.
“Comejoi
nus.”Ii
nvi
teherandshet
akesan
unoccupi
edoneseat
er.

Musaclear
shi
st hr
oat
,“I
’
m goingt
oorderan
Uber
.”Heisal
readymaki
nghiswayout.

“I’
l
ltakey ouhome, ”Thaboqui ckl
yfoll
owshim.
Nozi’seyefollowst hem unti
ltheyaregoneand
theyreturntoPr et
tyandhergl areisbacki
n
place.Prett
yseemsmor eawaket hanshewas
before.Thehazyl ookgonef rom hereyes.
May bethedr ugsarewear ingoff.
“Howlonghav
eyoubeent
aki
ngdr
ugs?
”Iask
her.
“I
’m not.Iwasdruggedl
astni
ghtbutIdon’
t
usuall
yt akedr
ugs.”

“
Sosai
dev
eryot
herj
unki
e”Nozi
mut
ter
s.
“
Howl
onghav
eyoubeenont
hest
reet
s?”

“
May
beamont
haf
terIl
ostmyj
ob.
”

“
Howdi
dyoul
oosey
ourj
ob?
”

Shesighs,“
Wi t
htheLucasmess,Iwasdetai
ned
forawhileandIforgottor
epor
tatwork.AWOL
i
sanimmedi at
edismissal
.”

“
It
’swhatyoudeser
veandmor
e,y
oushoul
dbe
i
njai
laf
terwhatyoudi
d!”

Nozi,”Iwarn,andshehuf f
s.“Sheisn’
thereto
l
ivewi thus.Ij
ustneedt ofi
gureoutawayt o
helpheroutunt i
lsheisonherf eetagai
n.”I
explainhopingitmightsoothethetensi
on.
“Why?Wedon’ toweherany thi
ng,”Zanoasks.
“Imean,shegotagoodl i
feaf t
ersetti
ngyouup.
Shediditsoeasywi thouteversparinga
thoughtf
ory ouandf orus.Bef oreyousayshe
tookusin,i
twashergui ltnotbecauseshewas
good.West ayedt hereonourt ipt
oesaf r
aidof
pissi
ngherof fforfearthatshe’dthrowusout.
Shedidn’
tcar eaboutusLul i.Iforoneam happy
thatsheissufferi
ng.Kar mai sabitch!
”
Itakealongsigh.“
Baby,canyoupleasetake
Prett
ytothespareroom.Soshecanshower
andNozi wil
lbri
ngherachangeofclothes.”
Sisonke’
ssmileeasesthetensi
ononmy
shoulder
s,andshestandsandleadPrettyto
thebedroom.

“
Shecan’
tst
ayher
eLul
i,
”Nozipl
eadst
he
momentt
heyar
eoutofear
shot.
“Rememberwhenourshackbur ntdown? ”she
scowl sbutnods.Il ookatZanoandhenods.
“Shet ookusi n.Gav eusfood,clothesand
everythingweneeded.Shedi dn’tneedt o, but
shedi d.Atthatt i
me, Iwasatmyl owest, onthe
vergeofgi vi
ngup.Shedi dn’
tletmegi veup.I
can’tleaveheront hestr
eets.Myconsci ence
won’tl etme.Iknowshebet rayedmeandIhat e
herfort hatprobablymor ethany oudobutI
can’texactmyr evengeonhert hisway .Li f
eis
taki
ngcar eofthatf orme.”Nozitakesal ong
breath.

“
Whatdoy
oupl
ant
odo?
”sheasks.

“Aft
ershe’seaten,wewillf
indheraplacet o
stay.I’
l
lhavetherentpaidupforatleast3
mont hs.Wesetherupt her
ewi t
hgroceriesand
thenI’l
lseei
fIcanhookherupwi t
haj ob.I
havecontacts.Andt
hat
’si
t.Wenev
erhav
eto
seeheragain.”

“
Shei
sleav
ingt
odayr
ight
?”Zanoasks.

“Yes.”Theybothseem t oacceptthedecisi
on.
“Okay,cany oupleasetakeoverfrom Si
sonke.I
needt ospeaktoherpr i
vatel
y.”ZanoandNozi
disappeardownt hepassageandaf ew
secondsl at
erSisonkejoinsme.Shesi t
snextto
met akingmyhandi nhers.

“You’
v edoneagoodt hi
ng.”Shesoot hesthe
l
inesonmyf or
ehead.“Don’tlooksowor r
ied.
”I
l
eanf orwardandkissher.Idon’tknowwhatI
didtodeservesomeonesol ovi
ngasher .

“
I’
m sor
ryt
hatI
’
vebr
oughtheri
ntoourspace.
”I
don’tthinksheisawareofhowdeepLucas’s
i
nv ol
vementwi thPret
tywent.All
Itol
dherwas
thatshewasusedi nfr
amingme.UnlessNozi
tol
dhersomet hi
ngbutIdoubtandnowI ’
m
beginningtoregrett
heomission.

“Iunderst
andwhyyou’
vedonei
tbaby
.So,have
youfoundaplacey
etorshoul
dweprepar
et he
guestroom?”

“No,Thaboi
slooki
ngint
oit
,ifhecan’
tsecur
ea
place,
I’
ll
bookheranAir
bnbfortheti
mebeing.
”

“I
’llpreparelunch.”Shegetsupandgoest othe
kitchenandIf ol
lowhert ohelp.Wearealmost
donewi thlunchwhenNozi comesback
followedbyPr et
tywhol ooksmuchbet teri
n
cleancl othes.Shedoesn’tlookli
kedeath
war medov eranymor e.Wesitaroundthe
ki
tchentableandeati nawkwar dsilence.When
wear edone,Ireceiveamessagef rom Thabo
l
etti
ngmeknowt hathe’ sfoundapl ace.WhenI
askSisonketogowi thusshedecl i
nessay i
ngI
needtohav emycl osur ewi t
hPr etty.Noone
saysanythingasshel eaves.Wedr iveinsil
ence
unti
lwer eachthepl ace.It’
soneoft heRDP
housesandi t’
sfarfrom wher ewest aybut
cl
osertot heCBD.I twi l
lbeconv eni entfort
he
dail
ycommut etowor k.I’m surprisedt ofi
ndit
part
ial
lyfurni
shedwi t
hwhatshe’ llneed.Iguess
IoweThaboone.Whoam Iki dding.Iowet he
manf orawhol elot.

“Iguesst hi
sisit
.”Isayaf
terl
ooki
ngaroundthe
place.Myv oicebouncesofft
hewall
sbreaki
ng
thesilence.

“
Thanky
ouMkhul
uli
.”
“Ididi
ttorepayy ouf orwhaty oudi dforus
backthen.Itdoesn’ tmeanwewi llbefri
ends.
Wecannev erbef ri
endsev er.Thisisthelast
ti
mey ou’l
lev erhearfrom me.Ihopey outake
thi
soppor t
uni t
ytor ebuil
dyourlife.Iknowy ou
arecapableofdoi ngt hat
.”Igiveherapi eceof
paperwithanaddr esswr i
tt
enoni t
.“Thereisa
j
obwai ti
ngf oryouher eforwai t
ressing.Show
uponMonday .Theyar eexpecti
ngy ou.”Iturn
toleav
e.

“Wai
t!
”Ist
opi
nmyt
racksandt
urnt
olookat
her
.

“
Iam sor
ryLul
i
.Honest
ly.
”

“Whydi dyoudoit?”If
inal
l
yaskthequesti
on
thathasbeenplaguingmymind.Shelooks
down, wri
ngingherhands.
“Money .Heof f
eredmoneyandachancet o
bettermylife.He’dtol
dmet haty ouwouldn’
t
staylonginjail
.”Shelooksupatmeherey es
pleading.“
IthoughtifIsecur
eagoodj obbyt he
ti
mey oucomeoutwecoul dfinall
ybetogether
withoutthestruggles.
”Bil
eri
sei nmythroatand
Ifeelmyangerr isi
ngtoo.

“Youar esuchal i
ar!Whaty oudidhadnot hing
todowi thme.Iwasj ustmeanst oanendf or
you.Yousur eashel l didn’tdoitformeormy
fami lybutf oryoursel f.Yousawanoppor tuni
ty
tobet t
ery ourli
feandy out ookit
.Screwingme
ov erint heend.Inev ert houghtI’
dhat e
someoneasmuchasIdoy ou.Iwanty out osi
t
i
nt hisplaceandt hinkaboutt heli
fey ou
coul d’vehadhady ounotchosent obetrayme.”
Iignor et hecrestf
allenl ookonherf aceandt urn
andwal koutt hedoor .Aheav yweightlif
tedoff
myshoul ders.Icl
oset hedoorbehi ndmeand
fi
nall
yleavemypastbehindmeandi t’
s
l
iberat
ing.Thabowill
dealwit
hwhateverel
se
sheneedsbutasf orme,Iam doneandIdon’
t
carr
yanygui l
t.Imakeacall
asIdriv
eout.

“
Sur
ent
wana.
”

“
Thanksf
orhandl
i
ngal
lthat
.”

“
Don’
tmentionit
.Isti
l
ldon’
tunderst
andwhy
y
oudon’
tletthebit
chburnbutI
’vegotyou.
”

“SharpTman.”Hehangsup.If i
ndNoziand
Sisonkehuddledtogetheronthecouchlooki
ng
atsomethingontheirphones.Sisonkesmil
es
whensheseesmeandIknowf orsureIam
home.IignoreNozi’sglareandshegetsupand
l
eav esusalone.
“Didyoutakecareofwhaty
ouneededto?”
SisonkeasksthemomentIsitnextt
oher
.I
takeherhandinmineandsqueeze.

“
YesIdid.It
’sovernow.
”Shel
eansherheadon
myshoulder.“
Ihavetot
ell
yousomethi
ng.”

“
Whati
sit
?”shel
i
ftsherheadl
ooki
ngupatme.

“
It
sabouty
ourex.
”Sheshudder
s.

“Il
iketopretendthatIdon’thav eanex,”her
teasi
ngtoner elaxesme.May beshei sreadyto
hearallt
hedet ail
saf t
eral
l.Whati fsheisn’tand
thi
stakesherbackt oherdarkpl ace?I’
dliketo
thi
nkshei sstrongerthanthat,butIdon’twant
toberesponsiblef orherr
elapse.
“Lul
i,
youcantell
meanyt
hing.I
’
mready.I
promise.
”It
akeadeepbr
eathandt
ight
enmy
holdonherhand.

“
Hewashav
inganaf
fai
rwi
thPr
ett
y.”

“Iki
ndofassumed,howel
sewoul
dtheyhav
e
knowneachother
?”

“
Alsowi
thy
ourmom.
”Herbodygoesr
igi
d.

“What?
”Itcomesoutasawhi
sper
.Herey
es
sear
chmi ne.

“Hehadanaff
airofsortswithyourmot
her.
Someweir
dkinkhei sinto.
”Herbodysagsand
shel
eansheavi
lyagainstthecouch.
“
Wow.Idi
dn’
tseet
hatcomi
ng.
”

“
I’
m sor
rybaby
.”Herheadsnapsbackt
ome.

“Forwhat
?Iam t
heonethatmarr
iedamanI
hardl
yknewandagai
nstyourwar
nings.
”

“
Fornottel
li
ngy ousooner.Idi
dn’
tknowhow
y
ouwer egoing.
..”shei
nterr
uptsmebypl
aci
ng
f
inger
sonmyl i
ps.

“
Iunder
standwhyy oudi
dn’
ttel
lmeLul i
.Iknew
mymotherhatedmebutIneverthoughtshe
woul
dstoopthisl
ow.”

“
Howdoy
ouf
eel
?”
“Honestl
y,att
hispoi
ntnothi
ngsur
pri
sesme
aboutthosetwo.Buti
tdoesbri
ngmet oa
deci
sion.”

“
What
’st
hat
?”
“
Ineedt
ogoseethem.Iatleastneedtogiv
e
t
hem myfi
nal
fuckyou.
”Ichuckleattheuseof
t
heswearwor
d.Shehardl
yswear s.

“Cl
osur
eisagoodidea.Idi
dn’
treal
i
seunt
ilI
hadminewi
thPret
ty.
”
“
Wil
lyout
akeme?
”
“
Ofcour
seIwil
l
.”Shesmilesandcl
i
mbsonmy
l
ap,
hooki
ngherarmsaroundmyneck.

“
Now,takemetobed.”Shemur
mursagainst
myl
ipsandIam onboardwi
tht
hati
dea.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er28

Iwokeupandsmi l
edwhenIf elttheheatofa
war m bodycur vedalongmynakedbackand
thear mswr appedar oundmei nat i
ghtgr i
p.Hi
s
breathf annedt hebackofmyneckandmy
bloodi nmyv einsheated.Howhadt hisbecome
myl i
fe?Waki ngupwr appedinMkhul uli
’
sar ms
feltli
keadr eam mostday s.Hewasmyhome,
mypeaceofmi ndandmyhappi ness.Itmight
bescar yt oputal lt
hatinoneper sonbutI ’
ve
nev erf eltmor esafeandhappi erinmyent ir
e
l
ife.Ri ghtt hereinhisarmswaswher eI
belonged.

Idi
dn’
tev
enreal
isehisbreat
hinghadchanged
andhewasawake,unti
lIfel
thisopenmouth
ki
ssesalongmyneckmaki ngmepush
backwards,gr
indinghishar deningmember
l
oggedbet weenmyt highs.IlovedSat
urdayand
Sundaymor ni
ngs.Ther ewasnogy mt owake
upforandnowor k,formeany way.Wecould
j
ustsleepinuntil
laterinthedayorunt i
lcal
led
uponbyeitherthekidsorThabo’ si
mpromptu
vi
sit
s.
Ihadaj ob, andIl ovedit.Oncet hewor dhad
gottenoutt hatIwasbackont hej obmar ket,I
washeadhunt edbyt wocompani es.My
previousone, claimingtheycoul dn’tf
indany one
torepl aceme.Theyev enchangedmyj obspec.
Itcamewi thani ncreaseandmyownPAt ohelp
witht hewor kedload.Itwast empt ingespeciall
y
whent heposi tionof f
eredwasonecov etedby
somany .Anot hercompanyt houghcapt ured
myhear t.ItwasanNGOt hathelpedv i
ctimsof
genderbasedv i
olenceandabusedchi ldren.It
spoket omebecauseofwhatt heywer edoing
tohelp.Pr ovidingshel terandf oodandmor e
i
mpor tantl
ycounsel l
ingf orthev i
cti
msand
skil
lstoequi pt hem t omov ef orwar d.Al otof
peoplev olunteeredt heirpr ofessional services.
Buttheyneededaf inancial managert ohel p
them managet hedonat i
onst heyrecei v
ed.They
neededway sofr einvestingt hemoneysot hatit
createdmor efort hem.I niti
allyIhadwant edto
volunteermyser v i
cesbutt hent hel adyt hat
managedt hepl acet oldmet hatdidn’twor k
beforeast hewor kbecamet oomuch.Thepay
wasn’ tgreatbutIwasnoti ndi reneedoff unds.
Ihadmysav ingsandIdi dn’ tcontributemuchi n
ourhousehol d.Thi swasmywayofgi vi
ngback
andpay i
ngi tforwar d.BecausewhatMkhul uli
didformewaspur ekindnesst hatIcoul dnev er
repay, butifIcoul dhelpsomeoneel set henI ’
d
dowhatIcan.

“
Wehav
etogetup,
wehav
etobeatThabo’
s
f
orlunch.Remember
?”Imumbl
edashi
shand
wonderedlower
.

“Theycanwait
.Ihavemorepressi
ngmat t
ers.
”
Hesaiddemonstrat
ingbypr
essinghimsel
fon
me.Hi sr
oughvoi
cel ef
tmewithgoosebumps
allov
ermyskin.

“West i
ll
hav etodogroceries.
”Mypr ot
est
soundedpi t
iful
inmyear s.Especiall
ysinceI
waspushi ngmyassagai nsthi m.Histongue
swirl
edaroundmyear lobeashi shandtweaked
myni ppl
es.Thedoublest i
mul ati
onhadmy
breat
hingescalati
ng.“
Baby ,”Imoaned.

“Mmh.”Hebi tdownonthesideofmyneckand
Iknewitwouldleav
eamar k.Mybodywas
alr
eadyfl
oodedbylitt
lemarkshemadethe
previ
ousnight.
“
Yesdot
hatagai
n.”Iwr
it
hedagai
nsthi
m.

“
Iloveyou.”Hewhisper
edagainstmyearandI
whimpered.It
urnedtofacehi
mt hen,
needi
ng
t
olookhimi ntheeyes.

“Il
ov ey outoo, baby .
”Ourl i
pscol li
ded,
dev ouringeachot her.Ineededmor e.
Ever yt
hinghehadt ogi ve,andhegav eme.Each
touch, eachbi t
e, eachki ss,spoket oev er
ypar t
ofme.Andwhenhef inallysanki ntome, Iknew
I’
llalway swanthi m.Cr avehim.Icoul dnev er
hav eenoughofhi m.Aswemov edagainsteach
otherseeki ngmut ual pleasure,skinsleekwi t
h
sweat ,Iwhi speredhisnamel ikeapr ayerashe
moanedmi ne.

“
Youweresay
ing?
”heaskedawhil
elat
eraswe
l
aidf
aci
ngupourchest
sheav
ing.
“I
’
m notsur
e.”Foramoment
,mymi
ndwasa
bl
ank.

“I
’
m hungry
.”Hesaidturni
ngtofaceme,awide
gri
nonhisface.Hisf
ingert
racedthesweat
downmybr east.

“
Ify
oudon’
tst
opt
hatt
henwewon’
tleav
ethi
s
r
oom.”

“Idon’
twanttoleav
et hi
sroom.Iwanttostay
here.
”Hedippedhisfi
ngerinmysti
llsensi
ti
ve
coreandIshi
ftedtofacehim.

“Youarei
nsati
abl
eLul
i
.”Thent
her
ewasa
knockatourdoor
.
“Sonke,
I’
vebeenwaiti
ng!
”Nozicall
edfr
om t
he
othersi
de.Igl
aredatMkhul
uli
try
ingtoki
ssme.

“I
’
m coming.
”Mkhul
uli
chuckledandIpushed
hi
m offme.“
Giv
eme20mi nutes.
”

“
Wantmet
ojoi
nyoui
ntheshower
?”

“No!”Iswungoffthebedandrant
othe
bathroom wit
hhislaught
erf
oll
owi
ngme.He
wasdr essedinshort
swhenIcameout
,thebed
alr
eadymade.

“WhatcanIdot ohelp?”heaskedwhil
ehe
watchedmedr ess.Hiseyesfl
icki
ngal
lovermy
body,i
tfel
tli
keacar ess.Thewayhelookedat
memademef eell
ikethesexi
estwomanaliv
e.
“
Not
hingf
ornow.Youar
ecooki
ngr
emember
?”
“
Sowhyam Inott
heonet
obuyt
hegr
ocer
ies?
”

“Because,Noziwantssomegirl
timewithme.
Thelistyougaveuswi l
ldo.
”Nozihadsentme
anSMSt hedaybeforewhil
eIwasatwor k,
needingtospeakwithmebutwhenIgotback,
shewasn’ thome.

“I
t’sprobablyaboutboy s.What everadv i
ce
makesur eyoutel
l hersheist ooy oungandno
mani sgoodenoughf orher.
”Icoul dn’thelpbut
rollmyey es.Mkhululisti
llt
reatedt het woli
ke
kids.Grantedweal ldidbuttheywer egrown
andpr obablymoregr ownt hant heirage
consideringwhatthey ’
vebeent hr
ough.
Thinkingofwhatt hey’vebeent hrough, I
couldn’thelpbutf
eel parti
all
yt oblame.Iput
LucasonMkhul ul
i’
sr adar.Nev erev en
questionedhisint
ent i
onswhenheof feredhi
m
aj
ob.Whichispr
obablywhyI’
vebeenput
ti
ng
of
fgoi
ngtoseehim.Thinki
ngabouthi
m made
meangry
.Ifel
tatouchbetweenmyeyebr
ows.

“Whatwer eyouthi
nkingaboutjustnow?
”
Mkhul uli
wr appedhi
sar msaroundme.Ileaned
againsthim, fi
xi
ngmyhai r
.Hewat chedmy
ref
lectionont hemir
ror,wai
ti
ng.

“
Howl
i
keIam t
ohav
eyou.
”Ismi
l
edathi
m.

“
Wow.
”Hel
etgoandwentt
oputonhi
stshi
rt
.

“What?
”It
urnedt
owat
chhi
m asheputonhi
s
shoes.
“
Youj
ustl
i
edt
ome.
”hewasf
rowni
ng.Isi
ghed.
“I
’m sor
ry.
”Hesatont
hebedandpat
tedt
he
spacenexttohi
m.

“
Idon’
twanty
ourapologybabe.Iwanttoknow
what
’swr
ong.
”Helacedhisfi
ngerswithmine.

“Iwasthi
nkingaboutLucas.”Hiseyeswidened.
“Whathedidt ohurtyou.I
twouldn’
thave
happenedifitweren’
tforme.”

“Baby,we’ vebeent hroughthis.Whatthatidiot

didwasn’ tyourfault.Heisasi ckman, andi t
hasnot hingt odowi thyou.”Hehadbeent ell
ing
met hi
s.Par tofmeknewt hisandunder st
ood
buttheot herpartofmewasangr yandIwant ed
tohurtLucasi nthewor stway .Ihat
edfeeling
thatway .Hehadnopowerov ermeany mor e
andev ent hinki
ngaboutmyangert owardshim
wasf r
ust rati
ng.
“
Youarer
ight
.I’
m af
rai
dImightnotbeas
f
orgi
vi
ngasyouareLul
i.
”Heshookhishead.

“It
’snotabouthim.It’
saboutyou.Don’tallow
him anymoreresidenceinyourmind.Youar e
freeofhim.That’
swhyi t’
simportanttogosee
him.Tellhi
m whaty outhinkofhi
spat heti
cself
thenyou’l
lbefreeofhimf orgood.”Iexhaled
andwr appedmyhandsar oundhim,holdinghim
ti
ght.

“I’
l
l gosoon.Butnowi t
’sNozi’sbirt
hdayandwe
hav et oprepare.IdoubtThabohaspr epared
any thingotherthanv enueandbooz. ”Mkhululi
andIhadbot hbeensur pri
sedt hatThabohad
offeredust osur pri
seNozi athishouse.Noz i
thoughti twasourmont hlylunchbecauseher
birt
hdayhadpassed.Butwehadasur pr
isefor
her.I twasn’teverydaythatthegirlturned20.
Ifoundbot hofthem intheki t
chen.Nozi hada
bowl ofafruitsal
adandZanowasf ryi
ng
somet hi
ngt hathadmyst omacht urni
ngt he
momentIi nhaledt heoffensiv
escent .Ihad
hardlymadei ttothebathr oom beforeIwas
retchi
ngallthecont ent
sofmyt ummyi nside
thebathtub.

“
Arey
ouokaybaby
?”

“Getout?”Ibar
elyfini
shedbeforeIwasheav i
ng
again.Mkhulul
isatont heedgeofthebathand
watchedme.Iwant edtokil
lhi
m.Oncet he
contentsofmyt ummyhadbeenempt i
ed.I
stoodonshakyl egs.Heimmedi at
elypassed
meagl assofwat er.AsIri
nsedmymout h,he
beganrinsi
ngthet ub.

“
Arey
ousi
ck?
”Icoul
dn’
tignor
ehi
swor
ri
ed
toneeventhoughIwasannoyedwi
thhi
m.
Couldn’
tonevomiti
npri
vate.

“Idon’tknow.Iwasfi
neamomentago. ”His
frowndeepened.Hecl eanedupwhil
eIri
nsed
myf acewi t
hcoldwater .I
twasthemai
n
bathroom andIdidn’
twantt ol
eaveamess
behindsoIbeganhel pinghim.

“Noleavet
his.May
begol
i
edown.Wecan
cancelt
oday.”

“
No,
I’
mfi
nebaby
.Honest
ly.
”

“Ok,
ifyouaresure.GotothekitchenI’l
lmake
youtoastandtea.
”Ilef
thiminthebat hroom.
ThemomentIgoti ntotheki
tchen,thenausea
cameback.WhenIwentt ot
hebat hroom
not
hingcameout.“Zano!Whatareyou
making?”Iscr
eamedfrom myroom because
whateverhewasmakingsmell
eddisgusti
ng.

“
Eggs?
”

“
Well,It
hinkt
heyar
erotten.
”Isai
dwal
ki
ng
j
oini
ngthem.All
thr
eelookedatme.

“
Baby
,ar
eyousur
eyouar
eokay
?”

“I’
mf i
ne.”Iwasn’
t.Thesi
ghtofZanogobbl
ing
theoffensiv
eeggshadmeheav ing.So,
I
grabbedmybagandkey sandstormedout
.
“Nozi!Let’
sgo!”

“
Okay
.”Ihear
dherbewi
l
der
edr
esponse,
butI
didn’
tcare.Ineededtobeoutofthehouse.
Onceinthecarev ery
thi
ngsett
led,andIf
eltf
ine.
Iguessitwast heeggs.

“
Roughmorni
ng?”Nozil
ookedatmecaut
iousl
y
whi
l
ebuckl
i
ngt heseat
bel
t.

“Yes.Weneedtohurryt
hough.Theshopswi l
l
bebusy .
”Wefir
stwenttoacoffeeshop
becauseIwasstarv
ingtoapointthatmybody
shook.Iwashalf
waythroughmybr eakf
ast
meal,excl
udi
ngeggs,befor
eIlookedupand
foundNozi’
swideeyestrai
nedonme.“ What?
”

Sheshookherhead.“Ijustneverseeny oueat
somuchf oodandwit
hsomuchgust o.Butdo
you.”Shetookasipofhercof f
ee.Ishrugged
andr et
urnedtomymeal .Ipoli
sheditwitha
creamycappuccino,
somet hingIneverhad
bef
orebuti
ttast
edamazing.I
’
dcomef arwit
h
myrel
ati
onshipwit
hfoodandIli
kedt
heplace
wewereat.

“Whatdi
dyouwantt
otalkaboutyest
erday
?”I
askedaswenur
sedourhotdri
nks.

“
Twothi
ngs.”Il
ookedatherandshecoul
dn’
t
meetmyeyes.

“
Okay
.”Iencour
aged.

“I’
mt hinki
ngofmov i
ngoutandf i
ndingmyown
place.”Shesai ditsofast
, Iwassurpri
sedI
heardher .Idi
dn’tlikewhatIwashear i
ng
though.Ilikedthatweal lstayedt
ogether
,andI
gotaf eeli
ngt hatMkhululilov
edittoo.Maki
ng
upf orlostti
meIsupposed.
“
Why?”st
upidquest
iont
hough.May
beshe
want
edherownspace.

Shesi
ghed.“
Idon’
twantt
o.ButIf
eel
li
keIhav
e
to.
”

“Arewemaki ngy ouuncomf ort

able?”Ihadto
ask.MkhululiandIwereforevertouchingbuti
t
wasn’tanyt
hinghecticaroundthem andour
bedroom wast oofarfr
om theirrooms.There
wasaguest room andabat hroom separat
ingus,
soIdidn’tt
hinkitwasourPDAbuty ou’dnever
know.

“No,
”shequicklyreassur
ed.“
Iti
sn’
tanyt
hing
you’
vedone.Ilovebeingther
e.I
t’
smyfami l
y
youknow,andInev erwantustobeapart
agai
n.”
“
So,
whydoy
ouwantt
omov
eout
?”

“It
’sThabo.”Okay ,Iwasl ostsoIkeptqui etand
wai t
edforhertocont inue.“Ili
kehim.Al ot.”
Shewat chedmef ormyr eact
ion.Ischooledmy
facenottor eact.Shedi dn’
tneedal ectureri
ght
thenbutsomeonet oli
sten.“Ithi
nkhelikesme
too.OkayIcan’ tbesur ebutifhedoest henhe
mi ghtnotactoni tbecauseofLul i
.”

“So,youthi
nkifyouar
enotaroundushemi ght
makehi smove?”Shenodded.“
Hasheev en
givenyouareasontothi
nkhemi ghtbei
nto
you?”Sheshookherhead.

“No.ButI’
m cr
eat
ingspacef
orhi
mt odoso.
Am Ipathet
ic?
”Ir
eachedacr
ossthetabl
eand
hel
dherhand.
“Nobaby.Youhaveacrushandi t
’snormal.I
j
ustworrywhatthi
smightdot oourfamily
.We
all
consi
derhim amemberoft hefamil
yandi f
youtwoweretobeinar el
ati
onshipitmight
compli
catethi
ngs.
”Shesighed.

“
Iknow.
”

“
Heiskindofaslutt
oo.
”Si
nceI’
dknownhim,
I
’
dseenhim wit
hsomanydiff
erentwomenI’
d
l
ostcount
.

“Iknowthattoo.”Shel
ookeddefeat
ed.“
I
shouldforgetabouthi
m.Itki
ndofsucks
becauseIt hi
nkI’
veadacrushonhim si
nceI
wast en.
”

“
Yuck!That
’sal
ongt
ime.
”
“
Ineedtostartdat
ing.Fi
ndsomeonet
omake
meforgethi
m. ”

“May
be.Butmaybespeaktoyourbr
otherabout
howyoufeel
abouthi
sfri
end.
”

“Wheny ouputi tliket hat,I’drathernot .Gett

ing
overmycr ushiswayeasi er.”Webot hlaughed.
Isett
ledthebi l
l
, andwewentt odoour
shopping.Iwant edt odr i
vest rai
ghtt oThabo’ s
placebutNozi want edt oshowerandchange
outfi
tsagain.WhenIpoi ntedoutt hatshe
l
ookedgood.Shet oldmeshecoul ddobet ter
andthatther emi ghtbeav ail
ablemenat
Thabo’s.Ididn’
tt hinkso.I twassupposedt obe
j
ustus.Theonl yot hermani nattendancewoul d
beMusaandIhadaf elli
ngMusabat tedforthe
otherteam.Aswewal kedoutoft hemal l,I
fr
ozeatseei ngmymot herwal ki
ngi n.Shewas
wi
thanol derwhit
eman, holdinghands.She
waslaughingatsomethinghesai d.Fora
moment ,mybreathcaughtinmyt hr
oat.She
l
ookedy oungerandhappierthanI’dseenher.

“
Areyouokay
?”Nozi askedandthenshe
f
oll
owedmyey es.“
Whoi sthat
?”

“
Mymother.
”Icr
oaked.Shedi
dn’
tseeusas
t
heywal
kedtheothersi
de.

“
Ohwow.Whoi
stheol
dmanwi
thher
?”Ishook
myhead.

“Ihavenoi
dea.Let
’sgo.
”Imademywayt
othe
car.
“
Youdon’
twantt
ogr
eether
?”
“Nottoday .
”Iwasn’ tpreparedf ormygal l
oping
heartandt hatli
ttl
einsecurityIfeltatseeingher .
Woul dthiswomanandt hewoundsshei nfl
icted
tormentmef orther estofmyl ife?Ididn’
tthink
so.Inanycase, Iwoul dn’tl
ether .Oneday ,I
wouldl ookherint heey eandt ellherhow
patheticofamot hershehadbeen.Ev enifshe
wouldn’tcare,butIwoul dsaymypeace.Buti t
annoy edmet hatshewasmov ingonwi thher
l
ifeasi fIneverex i
sted!

Wewer eovertwohour slatewhenwear ri

vedat
Thabo’s.Hedi dn’
tstayfarfrom us, buthel i
ved
i
nanest at
e.Thef ourofthem wer epl aying
PlayStat
ionwhenwear ri
v ed.Luli
ditchedt hem
themomentwest eppedi nt
ot hehousehel ping
uswi t
ht hegroceri
es.Thabo, ZanoandMusa
wenttopr eparethebraai whil
eNozi andI
helpedMkhul ulii
nthekitchen.Oncet hef ew
saladsMkhul uli
waspr eparingwer er eady ,we
wentandjoi
nedtheboysoutside.Awhi
lel
ater
,
whenthemeatwasr eady,
everyoneel
se
di
sappear
edintothehouseleavingmeout
side
wi
thNozi.

“
Wheredidev
eryoneelsego,orar
ewebori
ng
t
hem?”Sheasked.Ikeptqui
etandimmedi
atel
y
amessagepi
ngedonmyphone.

“Let
’sgofindt
hem.
”Isai
dpushi
ngherbackto
thehouse.Themomentwest
eppedi
n,they
expl
oded.

“Surpr
ise!”shecamei nt
oanabr upthal
tbef
ore
me.Zanohadf loat
ingball
oonswiththenumber
20,Mkhul ul
ihadabunchoff lowersandabott
le
ofanexpensi vechampagne.ThaboandMusa
heldgiftbags.
“What
’sthi
s?”Noziaskedi
nashakyv
oice.
For
everdramati
c!

“Yourbir
thdaysurprise.
”Iwhi speredbehindher
.
Sheturnedandf l
ungherar msar oundme,
huggingme.Ev eryoneelsecameandeachgav e
herahug.Weal l
sati ntheliv
ingr oom.She
recei
vedal at
estphonef r
om Luli,ear
phones
from Zano,agif
tv oucherfrom Musa, Igaveher
aspav oucherfortwo, f
ullcompl ementary
servi
ce.Thabowast helasttogiv eheragift
.

“Igoty out hefl

owers.”Hesaidsheepishly
.I
didn’tmi ssNozi’sfr
ownandt herewas
disappointmentt here.“
Somethingelsetoo.But
youhav etocomewi thme.”Hereyes
brightenedandt herestofuswer ecuriousas
wef ol
lowedt hem outsi
detowardsthedouble
gar age.Hepr essedtheremoteandt hedoor
sl
idopen.Ri
ghtnextt
ohi
sAudi,f
aci
ngus,was
aMiniCooperwit
hahugeredbowinfr
ont
.She
squeal
ed.

“
Youboughtmeacar
!”

“
Youboughtheracar
!”Mkhul
uli
sai
d!

“Fuckheboughtheracar !
”Zanosai d.Ihearda
gaspnexttomeandf oundMusawi t
hapai ned
l
ooki nhiseyesthathequicklymaskedwhenhe
real
isedIwaswat chi
nghim.Mkhul uli
’
sf r
own
deepenedbutNoz i’
sexcit
ementdrowned
everyone’
sresponse.ShejumpedintoThabo’ s
arms, hest
aggeredbackwar dsbef
orehisar ms
heldher.

“
Nof
ucki
ngway
!Shei
sn’
tkeepi
ngt
hat
!”
Mkhul
uli
sai
d.Icoul
dseehewasangr
y.

“Why
?”Thabo,
Nozi
andZanoaskedatt
he
sameti
me.
“BecauseIshouldbetheonebuyinghersuch
gif
ts.I
’m herbr
other
!”Nozisl
idoffThabo’
s
armsandThabol ookedfur
ious.

“
AndhereIt houghtIwaspartoft
hisfucki
ng
f
amily
.”Thabospatandwal kedoffl
eaving
Mkhul
ulif
lustered.

“Idon’tcarewhatyousay
,I’
m keepi
ngit
!”she
walkedof faswell
tothedir
ect
ionThabo
disappearedto.

“Idi
dn’
tmeanitt
hewayitcameout
.”Mkhul
uli
saidhi
shandsqueezi
ngt
hebackofhi
sneck.
“Notcoolbr
uh!”Zanoaddedsal
ttot
hewound
andwalkedawayleavi
ngthethr
eeofusi
n
awkwardsil
ence.

“I
tisani
cecar
.”Musasai
dqui
etl
y,somet
hing
str
angei
nhist
onebefor
ehewalkedaway.

SAYwi l
lbeavai
l
ableatabookstoreneary
ou
soon.Youcanvisi
tCNA,Excl
usi
v eBooksand
Bargai
nBookstoplaceyouror
der.Andforany
ofmybooks.
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er29

“If
uckedup, di
dn’t
?”Thabosay sthemomentI
fi
ndhi m atthefarendofhi sbackyard,l
eani ng
againstthewal l
.Ther estar
ehavingcakei nside
orboozeorwhat ever.Theywerescr eami ngand
speakingatt hesamet i
meaboutt hecar .Allour
gif
tspaleincompar i
son.Soclearl
y ,
I’m stil
lan
assaboutt hewhol ething.Ormaybesor e.I
can’thel
phowIf eel.
“I
’m notsure.”Isay.Idon’twantt oscr
ewt hi
s
upwi thwordsagai n.So,Ipause,thi
nkingmy
wordsov erinmyhead.“ I
’m sorr
yaboutwhatI
saidjustnow.Thebr ot
herthing.Youcaughtme
offguardandI ’
dbeenpl anningt obuyheracar.
It
’sjustwe’vebeendeal i
ngwi thexpandingher
business.
”Hegr i
maces.
“Idi
dn’tt
hinkman.Isawt hecarandshe’ sbeen
tal
kingabouthowmuchshel oveditandIjust
boughtit
.”Hei simpulsi
ve,thi
sIknowabout
him,butitusuall
ycomesf rom agoodpl ace.
Thisti
mehowev er,
Ireal
lyquestionhis
i
ntenti
ons.Nomat t
erhowuni ntent
ional
lythey
are.
Istandnexthim,mirr
oringhi
sst ance.I
nt hi
s
positi
onwear ebothfacingt
hehouse.“ I’
m
confusedthoughbecauseasmuchaswe
regardyouasaf amil
ymember ,
Nozi seesor
wantsmor e.Andyouknowt his.
”Her ubsa
handov erhi
sface.

“
Yeah.
”Ther
esponsei
sresi
gned.

“Sur
ely
,youknowagi
ftl
i
ket
hisi
sencour
agi
ng
her.
”
“
Fuck!
”Wear equi
etforawhi
le.ThenMusa
wal
ksoutofthehouse.Hest
andsunsur
eby
t
hesli
dingdoor
.

“
Uh,
I’
mleav
ing.
”Hi
svoi
cebar
elycar
ri
est
ous.

“What ? ”Thabopushesof fthewall,al

ready
stri
dingt owar dshim.“ Why?”Musadoesn’ t
meethi sey esasheshakeshi sheadandsay s
somet hingIcan’ thear .Sur
elyThabocan’ tbe
thi
sobl ivious.Theybot hdi
sappearinthehouse
andimmedi atel
yNozi comesoutandwal ks
towar dsme.Herst ridesarequick,andshei s
angry, andIdon’ tblameheraf terwhatIsaid
butatt hesamet i
meIhav etoprotecther
becauseshehasnoi deawhatkindofcl ust
er
fucksi tuat i
onshewi llbewithThabo.
“I
’m madatyou.
”Shefol
dsherar
msi
nher
chestandgl
aresatme.
“Iknow.ButNoz, y
ouhavetoknowt hatt
hisgi
ft
compl i
catest
hingsbet
weent hetwoofyou.”I
n
fact,
allofusbutIdon’
tsaythat.

“Why ?It’
sjustt
hesameasi fyou’
veboughti
t.
Hei stheonewhot ookcar eofuswhenhe
cameoutofj ai
landy oudidn’thavei
ssueswit
h
that.Evenbeforethen.”Thereishurtand
frustr
ati
onbehindherwor ds.

Isi
gh.“ Noz,Iknowt hat.
”Irei
gninmyi rr
it
ati
on.
Ican’treall
yaddressmyconcer nwithout
tal
kingaboutwher etheyarecomingfrom.AndI
can’
tbet raypeople’sconf
idences.“
Youdo
knowt hatThaboi sBi?”Shefrowns.
“Whatdoesthathavet
odowithanythi
ng?”She
bli
nks,andherhandsr
ubherupperarms.Her
angerisgonebutnowsheisl
ookingmore
guarded.
“Oh,comeon.Iseet hewayy oul
ookathi m
babysis.Youhav eacrushonmyf r
iend.”My
l
ooki schal
lenginghertodenymystatement.
Inst
ead,herbodybecomessmal l
erifthat’
s
evenpossible.

“
Youknow?
”shesoundshor
ri
fi
ed.

“
OfcourseIknow.Youaren’tver
ysubt
leabout
i
t.
”Herangerleaksoutofherandshesear
ches
myeyes.

“Areyoumad?
”Iunt
angl
eherar
msandpul
lher
closert
ome.

“I
’m morewor
riedthanmad.Ican’
thel
pwho
youfal
li
nlovewith.ButIwantt
hebestfory
ou.
AsmuchasIl oveThabolikeabr
other
.Heisa
brot
hert
ome,
butIdon’
tthi
nkhei
stheonef
or
you.
”

“
Why
?”Heri
rr
it
ati
oni
sback“
Becausehei
sbi
?”

“Yesthatandthefactt
hathehates
commi tment
.He’sbeenvocalaboutt
hatandi
n
thepastmonthy ou’
veseenhi
m withthr
ee
dif
fer
entwomen. ”

“Hei
sal
lowedt
odateasmuchashecan,
unt
il
hemeet
stheri
ghtone.
”Shebr
ist
les.

“
Andy
ouar
ether
ightone?
”

“
Icoul
dbe.
”Shel
i
ftsherchi
n.Chal
l
engi
ngme.
“Hewil
lhur
ty ou.Unintent
ional
lyofcoursebut
hewil
landitcouldruinourfri
endship.
”

“
Itcouldwor
koutbeauti
ful
l
yandst
rengt
henour
f
ami l
y.
”Shecount
ers.

“
I’
m scar
edtotaket
hatchanceNozi.Youar
e
mybabysist
erandhei
smybestf r
iend.”

“IknowLuli
.Iknow,I’
m aski
ngalotbutl
etme
makemyownmi st
akes,i
t’
spar
toflif
e.You
havetotr
ustme. ”

“Yourmist
akeswil
lrui
nus.”Surelyshecansee
thi
s.Oram Ibei
ngself
ish?Thinki
ngaboutwhat
thi
swill
meanf ormyfri
endship.No, i
t’
snott
hat
.
ThabohasMusai nthepict
ure.I’
veseenthe
wayhelooksatMusa.It’
sdeepert hanThabo
evenwant st
oadmi t.Hei salwayschasingaft
er
hi
m andThabodoesn’ tchaseaf t
eranyone.So
wherewi l
lNozifi
tinallofthat?Whyi st
hiseven
myheadache?“ Youknowwhat ?Todayisyour
day,l
et’
sgobacki nthehouseandenj oyyour
party
.Wewi l
lrevi
sitthisconversati
onsome
otherti
me.”

“Howaboutwedon’ trevi
sit?Letusmakeour
owndeci si
onsLuli
,j
ustli
key ouarewith
Sisonke.Weallhavethatri
ght,andi
thi
?”Ileti
t
gof ornowbecauseNozi canarguetil
ldawn.I
holdherbyherhandleadingherbackt othe
house.It’
sonlySi
sonkeandZanowef indandI
feelNozitensi
ngnexttome.

“
Wher
edi
dthet
wogo?
”sheasks.

“
Theydi
dn’
tsay
,It
hinkt
heyar
est
il
lupf
rontI
di
dn’thearacar.
”Sonkeshr
ugs.“Musaseemed
upsetthough.Maybesomet
hinghappened.
”

“I’
l
l gocheck.”Nozimumblesandwalksout
.I
throwmy sel
fonthespacenextt
oSisonkeand
pull hert
ome.

“
Didy
ouf
ixt
hingswi
thher
?”

“Sheisstubbor
nbuty
eswet alked.Ev
enthough
nothi
nghasbeensolv
ed.AtleastnowIknow
forsureshewantsmyfr
iend.
”

“Sheisn’
tachil
dany morebaby,don’
ttr
eather
l
ikeone.Talktoherli
keanadultandall
owher
tomakeherdeci si
ons.”Ther
eisnomal i
cei
n
hertone.Hereyesaresoftasshelooksupat
me.AndIaskmy self
,howdidIgetsolucky
?
“Marr
yme.”Iwhi sperandthenimmedi at
ely
cri
nge.I
’
vebeent hinkingaboutaski
ngher.The
ri
ngishi
ddeninmybedsi dedrawerbecause
I’
vebeenpl
anningaper f
ectmoment .Butnow
I’
vegoneandruinedi tbyopeni
ngmymout h.

“What
?”hereyesarehugeonherfaceandshe
hasablushst
aini
nghercheeks.

“Yes,mar ryme. ”Imi ghtaswel l

.Icupherf ace,
myt humbcar essinghersof tcheeks.“It
’s
supposedt obeper fectandev eryt
hingbutI
can’twai tanymor e.Iloveyou.Youar emyl ife,
myhome, myev erything.”Atearescapesher
eye,andsher eachesupgent l
ecuppi ngthesi de
ofmyf ace.“Iwantt obui l
dthishomewi thy ou.
Fil
litwithmanychi ldren.Okaymay benotso
many .Unl essyouwantmanyt henwecan
defi
nitelydomany .”OhGod, I
’mrambl i
ng!
“Yes.”Thenmoret earsfall
.“Yes.I’
l
l marryyou
baby .Myhome, myhappi ness,myl ove.Yes.”I
l
aunchmy sel
fatherkissingher,tasti
ngt he
saltytear
s.ThenIpulloutandr emembert hat
Zanoi swithusbutIfindhim withear phoneson
andhi snoseburi
edi nhisphone.It hrowa
pil
lowathi m.Helooksup.

“
What
?”Thenhef
rowns“
Whyar
eyoucr
ying?
”

“
IjustaskedSonket
omar
ryme.
”Isayt
hrough
mywi desmil
e.

“Forr
eal!
”hegetsupt
akinghi
searphonesof
f.
“Forr
ealbruh?Di
dshesayyes?”hel
ooks
betweenus.
“YesIdi
d.”Sher
adi
ateswi
thsomuch
happi
ness.
“
Cool
,l
etmeseet
her
ing.
”Iwi
nce.

“Thereisnori
ngyet.”Helooksatmel i
keI’
m
crazy.“
It’
sathome.”Iquickl
yreassur
ehim
beforehethi
ngshisbrotherhasnogame.“Ijust
couldn’
twaitany
mor e.
”

“Wel l
.It
’saboutt i
meany way.Congratulati
ons
yout wo.”Hegi vesushugsandt henr eturnto
hisphone.SonkeandIl eavehim andmov eto
thepat i
o.It’
sawhi lelaterwhenwer eal i
sethat
Thet hreepeoplear egone.WhenIcal lthem
theirphonear eoff.Wedeci detogobackhome
andwef indNozi i
nherr oom, underthe
blanketsandsher efusestospeakt oanyofus.
Iwantt ogof indThabo, butSisonkest opsme.

“
Stayoutofi
tbaby.Don’
ttakeanysidesthat
wayyouwon’tr
uinyourr
elati
onshi
pwi t
hthem.”
It
’seasiersaidthandonet hough.Butatthis
momentIhav emor epr essingmat t
ers.Li
ke
showi ngSisonkeherringandt hencelebr
ate
ourengagementi nt hewayt hatwil
lbemost
enjoyableforbothofus.I nbed.Get t
ingstart
ed
ont hatbabymaki ng.

(Thebooki
snowavai
l
ableatCNA,
Excl
usi
ve
BooksandBar
gai
nBooks.
)
TheFor
everLov
e

Chapt
er30

Twot hingsIneededt odotoday :

goseemy
therapistbecause, wow.Onewoul dt
hinkbeing
engagedwoul dtrumpt hesicknessIf eltover
seeingmymot her.ImeanIknewIhat edthe
womanbutbei ngphy sicall
ysickwasj ustatad
toomuch.Si nceseei ngherI ’
dbeenv omiti
ng
andmyappet i
tewasget ti
ngoutofcont rol.
ThingsIt houghtIwascur edof .Myeat i
ng
disorderhadbeenl i
ket hisatitswor st.The
therapywassupposedt ohelp.What ’sweirdI
feltbetterevenwi t
hal lthesympt oms.Iwas
happy .Beingwi t
hLul imademehappy .He
l
ov edmeandIdi dn’tneedany t
hingelse.So
whywer emysy mpt omsr eturning?Ialso
decidedseei ngmymot herwaspoi ntl
ess.I
didn’tthi
nkthatwomanwoul dev erbe
remor sef
ulforany t
hingandIdi dn’tfeelli
ke
seeingherder i
siononherf ace.Sheseemed
happywhenIsawhert heot herdayandt hat
annoy edmeal ittl
e.Shewassupposedt obe
mi serabl
e.Butthisisli
fe,
thingsdi dn’tworkout
thewaywewant edthem.Ial mostf eltsorr
yfor
herbecauseessent i
all
yshehadnooneandI
believedshe’
ddi ealonelyper son.

Thesecondt hi
ngwast ogoseeLucas, because
Iwasr eadytogiv
ehim hisfuckyou.Theman
hadtakensomuchofmypowerf r
om me, I
di
dn’tevenreal
ise.Ineededtolookhiminthe
eyesandshowhi mt hatwit
hallthathedid,he
wasn’tworthshit
.

Ifel
tmyskinbreakint
osweat
.Dri
vi
ngint
raf
fi
c
nevergoteasi
erformeandMkhul
uli
hadtot
ry
andtal
kt oNozi,whohadbeenl ockedinher
room t
heentir
eweekend.Si nceSaturdayshe
hadbeenmoodyr ef
usi
ngt ospeakt oanyofus.
Iwasbeginni
ngt oworry.May besheneededto
makeanappoi ntmentforherselfwit
hmy
ther
api
st.Thatisift
hesaidt her
apistcangett
o
thecor
eofmypr obl
em.Because, clear
ly,
she
wasmi ssi
ngsomet hi
ng.

Herrecepti
onistlookedupandawar dedme
wit
hherpr ofessi
onal smil
e.Ismi l
edbackand
madesmal ltalkbeforeproceedingtothe
doct
or’srooms.Af teraknockIpushedt hedoor
openandf oundmydoct orlooki
ngatheri Pad.
ShelookedupwhenIcamei nandaffordedme
oneofhergenui nesmi l
es.

“Si
sonke,
I’
m notsur
eifi
t’
sgoodtoseeyou
befor
eourschedul
edappoi
ntment
.ButI
’
m not
complaini
ng.Il
ikeitwhenmypat i
ent
sare
proact
iveabouttheirheal
th.
”Shecamearound
herdesktoshakemyhand.

“Hell
odoct or
.Ihadt oseeyou.”Il
etgoofher
handandsati nachai ropposi
tehers.We
usuallysatontheothersideoftheroom,wher
e
shehadacomf ort
ablecouchandwi ngback
chair
.ButIsupposet hiswasn’taformal
session.Iwasgratefulfort
heair-
condi
ti
oni
ng
thatcooledmyov erheatedbody.

“
Whathashappened?
”

“Irani
ntomymothertheotherday.Wel
l,she
didn’
tseemeormay beshepretendedl
i
keshe
didn’
tseeme.Butanyway,
seeingher
apparent
lyt
ri
gger
edsomething.”
“Oh.Howso?”shepickeduphernotepadanda
pen.AndIknewthatI’
dcaughtherat
tent
ion.

“Well
, si
ncet hen,I’
vebeenget tingsick,
vomitingandmyappet i
teisoutofcont r
ol.
”The
doctorfrowned.“ Iknow.It houghtIwasov er
thesideef f
ectsoft heeatingdi sorder
.Imean
physicall
yIfeel f
ine.Idaresaymyment alstat
e
i
sper fect.I
’m happy .I
’
m engaged. ”Thedoctors
eyeswi dened.Itookadeepbr eath.Real
isi
ngI
wasbabbl i
ng.

“Congrat
ulat
ions!
”sheenthused.Put
tingher
notepadandpenbackonherdesk.“ Tellme
mor eaboutyoursympt
oms. ”Icoul
d’v
eswor n
therewashumourt wi
nkl
inginthedoct or
’sey
es.

“
It
sj ustt
hetwofornow.Thev
omi t
ingand
i
ncreasedappet
it
e.”It
ri
edtot
hinkof
somet hingelse.Icouldn’
ttellt
hedoctorabout
myi ncreasedsexual dri
ve.CouldI?No,that
wasembar rassing.Imeant herewasnot hi
ng
wrongwi t
hwant ingsomeoney oul
ovelikeIdi
d
Lul
i.Iwasmaki ngupf orlostti
me.

“Whenwasy ourlastper i
odSi sonke? ”The
quest ioncaughtmeof fguar d.Whatdi dmy
periodhav etodowi t
heat ingdi sordersand
depr ession?Iment al
lyshookmyhead.May beit
wast imeIaskedf orar eferr
al becausecl earl
y
mydoct orwasl osingit.Butshewasoneoft he
besti nGaut eng.Hermanyr eviewer sonline
sangherpr aisesandMkhul uliwasamongst
those.Isi ghedanddeci dedt ohumourher .Only
whenIopenedmymout htoanswer ,mybr ain
froze.Ihadn’ thadmyper i
odi nt helasttwo
mont hsort hree?Ididment alacal culati
onand
endedupwi thanunev ennumber .
“It
hinkthreemonthsago.”Thedoct
orlookedat
mepoi ntedl
y.Il
ookedbackatherwait
ingfor
hertofil
linthedot
s.Shechuckl
ed.

“Sisonke,youareseeingthewrongdoctor.
”I
kindoff i
guredthatoneout.Isi
ghed.Thestress
oflookingforanewt herapi
stwasdaunting.
“May beav isi
ttoyourGPorGy naecol
ogist
woul dbebet t
er.
”Shesmi l
ed.

“
Huh?
”

“It
hinkyouarepr egnantSi sonke.”Myhear t
j
umpedandt henf lut
teredwi l
dlyli
keabi r
dina
cage.Pr
egnant .Ohmy .It
’spossible.Missi
ng
peri
od.Morningsi ckness.Increasedappetit
e.
Howcoul dIhav ebeensodense?Ij umped.The
chai
ralmostt i
ppingov er.
“Thankyoudoctor.”Ishookherhandwil
dly.“So
mycr azyi
snormal crazyaft
eral
l!
”Ial
mostr an
outheroff
ice.Istoodbythedoorandlookedat
her.Shehadawi desmi l
eonherface.“
Thank
youdoctor.
”

“
Youdidall
thewor k.Congrat
ulati
onsagainto
y
ouandMkhul ul
i,
sendhi m myr egar
ds.I
’l
lsee
y
ouforyournextappointment?”

“Def
init
el y
.Thisbabywi
llneedaheal thy
mama. ”Iclearedmythr
oatasal umpf ormed.
Myey esst ungwit
hunshedt ears.Iletthem fal
l
themomentIgoti nmycar.Ifishedoutmy
phonefr om myhandbaganddi al
ledMkhul ul
i’s
number .MyhandsshookasIdi alled.

“Baby?Yoursessi
ondoneal
ready
?”t
her
ewas
concerni
nhistone.He’
dtol
dmeIwasdoing
muchbett
erbutwoul
dn’
thurtt
ogoseea
doct
ori
fIneededt
hereassur
ance.

“
Baby
.”Icr
oaked.

“
Sisonke!What
’swr
ong?
”

“
Itmi
ghtbegoodnews.Meetmeatt
hehospi
tal
.
I
’
m dr
ivi
ngovert
herenow.
”

“Hospi
tal
?Goodnews?Howcant
hatbegood
news?”

“
Trustmebaby
.I’
mfi
ne.
”

“
Okay
.”Hesoundedunsurebuthehungup.I
i
mmediat
elycal
l
edmygy naecol
ogi
stforan
emergencyappoi ntment.Theyhada
cancell
ati
oni n30mi nutesandthatsuit
edme
becauseIwas15mi nut
esawayandLul i
also
notthatfar.Hewaswai t i
ngbythehospital
entr
ancewhenIar ri
ved.Hest r
odetowardsme
themomenthesawme, hi
seyessearchi
ngmy
enti
rebodyasi fhecouldscant hroughmeand
seemyev eryache.Ifl
ungmyar msaroundhim
andmyl ipscrashedagai nsthi
s.

“
Baby ,
talktome. ”Hewr enchedhisl
i
psfrom
mine.Hisforeheadcrunchedwi t
hworry
.

“Thet
herapi
stthi
nkImightbepr
egnant
.”Hi
s
smil
eri
vall
edthesun.

“Reall
y?Pregnantasi
nwemi ghtbehavi
nga
baby?”Inodded.Hepickedmeup,twi
rl
ingme
around.
“I
t’snotconfi
rmedyetbaby .Let
’sgoinandfind
out.”Isaidt
hroughmylaught er
.Hegent l
y
placedmedownandt ookmyhandi nhi s,
l
eadi ngtheway.Aft
erfi
ll
inginthenecessary
formswesatatt herecepti
onandwai ted.

“I’
mt r
y i
ngtorei
gninmyexcitementbutI
’m
fail
i
ng.”Mkhulul
isai
d,ki
ssingthebackofmy
handt hatwasfi
rmlycl
aspedinhis.

“Metoobaby .Itcan’
tbef al
seal
arm.Ihaveall
thesympt oms.Idon’ tknowwhyIdidn’
tthinkof
i
tbefore.”Theni ceformedinmyv ei
ns.“I
’v
e
beendrinking.”Iwhispered.

“Onlyafewti
mesandy ouarenotaheav y
dri
nker.
”Hereassuredmeandjustthenthe
doctorcal
l
edusin.Thetest
sweredoneand
theywereconcl
usiv
e.Wewer epregnant
.
Twel veweeksal ong.Idon’ tt hi
nkIheard
anythingaf t
erwar ds.Iwant edtodocar twheel
s
andscr eam myhappi nessf rom thetopofmy
l
ungs.Mkhul uliaskedal lt
hequest ionseven
aboutt hedrinki
ngt hatI ’
ddone.Thedoct or
reassuredust hati twasn’ tany thi
ngheav yand
prolongedandwoul dn’tdodamaget othebaby.
IwassohappyIf loatedal lthewayt othecar.
Wel eftmycarbehi ndanddr ov
einMkhul ul
i’
s
becauseIdi dn’tt hinkIcoul dmanagewi thal
l
theexci t
ementcour singthroughme.Heasked
Thabot of etchitaf tertell
i
nghi m outnews.I
couldhearThabo’ sshoutofj oythr
ought he
phone.

“Let’
sgohomeandt ell
therestoft
hefamil
y.I
hopet hesenewswil
lbri
ngNozioutofher
funk.
”Hest art
edt
heengineanddroveushome.
“Didshetal
ktoyou.”Iaskedhol
dinghishand.
Her est
edourjoi
nthandsonhisthighashe
drove.Somethi
ngthatgavemeawar mfuzzy
feel
ing.

“No.Butshecameoutt
omakeher
self
breakf
ast.Shewaswat
chi
ngTVwhenIlef
t.
"

“YoumakemehappyMkhulul
i
,”Isai
daftera
whil
e.I
t’
ssomet
hingIcoul
dneverti
reoftel
l
ing
him.

“Youmakemehappytoo.Ithi
nkwemi ghtneed
tomovetheweddi
ngdateforwar
d.”Heglanced
atme.

“
Def
ini
tel
y.
”
Thebaby ’snewdi dbringNozioutofherf
unk.
Event houghsheav oidedThabowhenhe
broughtmycarandst ay
edtocelebr
atewit
hus.
Nothingcoul ddamperherhappinessabout
becomi nganaunt .ButZanowast hehappi
est
.
Hewasal readytal
kingaboutthethi
ngshe’
d
teachhisnepheworni ece.

Iputof fvi
siti
ngLucasf oraf ewday s.Ineeded
theclosuremor et hanev erandIdi dn’targue
whenMkhul ulivol
unt eeredt odri
vemet here.
Wewer efortunatethathewasi ncarcerat ed
closer.Ihadhear dofpeopl ewhower eplaced
asf arasVenda.Idi dn’twantMkhul ulit
ogo
withmebecauset hiswasonedemonIneeded
toslayonmyown.Il efthi
m wai t
ingint hecar.
Themant hatIsawwai ti
ngf ormewasn’ tthe
glamor ousandputt ogetherLucasI
remember ed.Hehadascr uffofabear dt hat
l
ookedunkeptandl ookedl ikehe’dlostal otof
weight.Hi
seyesdar
tedev
ery
wher
easI
approachedhi
m.

“Lucas,
”Isaid.Taki
ngaseatopposi tehim.He
smiled,hi
syell
owingteeth.Anothersurprise.
May benoonebr oughthimtoil
etri
es.Al augh
bubbledatthatthoughtandIcoughedt ocov er
i
t.

“Hel
loSisonke.Howareyou?”Gonewasthe
condescendingtonet
hathadseemedtobepar
t
ofwhohei s.

“I
’m goodbet
tert
hangoodactual
l
y.Howare
you?”Ionl
yaskedtobepol
i
te.Idi
dn’
treal
l
y
caremuch.

“
I’
m okay
.”Henoddedasi
ftr
yingt
oconv
ince
himself.“
Actuall
y,I’
m not
.IhateithereSisonke.
It
’sterr
ibl
e.I’
ml ockedupwithguy sthattake
pleasurei
nabusi ngme.”Hewhi spered.His
eyespleading.Inoti
cedthefadi
ngbr uiseonhis
cheekandwhatseemedt obefingermar kson
hisneck.“Youhav etohelpmegetoutofher e.
Please.
"

Ishookmyhead“
Evennow,
it’
sal
labouty
ou.
”

“I
,Ican’
tbeher
eanymore.Theywi
l
lkil
lme.”He
conti
nuedhi
stonebor
deri
ngonhyster
ia.I
si
ghed.

“Lucas,Idon’
tcarehowy ouaretreat
edinher
e.
It
’sprobablywhatyoudeserve.Youabusedme
Lucasandwor stofall
,yourapedmeandwer e
thereasonIlostmybaby !
”Irei
gnedinmy
emot i
onsbecausehedi dn’
tevendeserv
etosee
thatv ulner ablesi deofmeev eragain.“But
guesswhat ?Noneofwhaty oudi dbrokeme.I
here.St i
llstandi ng.St r
ongerandhappi erthanI
everwas.So, y ouf ai
l
ed.AndIhopey our otin
hell!
”Ist ood, fixedmydr essandt ur
nedar ound
andl ef thim wi thhisey esbri
mmi ngwi t
ht ear
s.
Andev ent hatdi dn’ttouchme.Awei ghtwas
l
iftedof fme.I twast imeIl eftthepastbehi nd
andembr acedmybeaut i
fulf
ut ure.Hestood
l
eani ngagai nstt hecarandwhenhesawme
approach.Het i
ltedhisheadt ot hesideasof
study ingme.Whenhesawt hesmi l
eonmy
face, hisshoul der svisi
blerelaxed.Heopened
hisar mswi def ormeandIwal kedintohis
war m embr ace.Myhome.

TheEndf
ornow.