MaTTiOLA Presents

PORN STARS…
MORE THAN JUST MOANS

MATTHEW RAMSEY
AND
FABIOLA JOSEPH
 This book is an original idea written by Matthew L. Ramsey and Fabiola Joseph. It is a work of fiction.
Names, places, and incidents are the product of the authors’ imaginations and are used fictitiously. No parts
of this book shall be duplicated, reproduced, or shared without the writers’ permission. By reading this
book, you are agreeing to such terms. Any resemblance to any person dead or alive, place or incident is
purely the assumption of others and will be considered just as such, an assumption.

Porn Stars… More Than Just Moans Copyright © 2012 by Matthew L. Ramsey and Fabiola Joseph.
All rights reserved.

Written and created by Fabiola Joseph and Matthew L. Ramsey

Editor-Brandie Randolph – www.EditingCouture.com

Typesetting and Interior designed by-Glenda Wallace at www.interiorbookdesigns.com

Cover by-Mya Ayo – www.ThisIsMyaAyo.tumblr.com

ISBN: 978-1470110383
 The Buzz Around PORN STARS!

Author Elizabeth LaShaun says,

M. Ramsey and F. Joseph deliver a classic. Jezebel and Krave are two
characters that your heart will bleed for as you travel through this sizzling, fast
pace novel. The deadly lives of these porn stars are definitely filled with more
than just moans. Have a lover close by and get ready for this eye opening erotic
tale that’s filled with drama.

Brandie Randolph of Editing Couture says,

Did that title catch your attention? Let Matthew Ramsey and Fabiola Joseph
keep your attention. Porn Stars: More than Just Moans is more than just a
novel; it is certainly more than just a book about porn stars. You will not only
get to know the main characters, Jazzy and Jamar, you will get to know the
methods behind their madness. Through flashbacks and thoughts, you’re let into
their lives with a goldfish’s view. The story will make you laugh, cry, scream,
and wonder what just happened. This is the first novel for Matthew and the
sophomore title for Fabiola and they are going to make waves with this read.
They’ve displayed an adept ability to co-write and seamlessly transition as
though this was just one writer. Their ability to play off of one another’s
creativity and mesmerize their audience with an “outside of the box” concept is
magical. I look forward to singular and collaborative efforts from these shiny,
new literary stars.

Jeanette McMillan-James of Readers R Us say,

Fabiola and Matthew make a meticulously fabulous team.... RRU

APPROVED!!!!!
 Michelle Dcbookreviewer Rawls says,

Fabiola Joseph and Matthew Ramsey shoots straight from the hip in this
exciting, fast-paced, drama filled novel. I got a voyeuristic glance into the world
of porn and was shown the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you ever wanted to
know what goes on behind the curtains… this is it!!!

Diamond Eyes Book Club says,

These two have rocked my world. Fabiola and Matthew mesh well and
weave a page turning story. Every word comes alive and explodes on each page.
Sexy, smart, thrilling, and just DAMN GOOD!

Ceci Noir says,

Porn Stars… More Than Just Moans turns the heat and the drama all the
way up! In this adult novel, which is filled with twist and turns, Mattiola will
have you begging for more, more, and more!

Anonymous says,
Even though there are two authors, the story reads as one journey. From
Fabiola’s ability to form words and effortlessly make them invade your mind,
body and soul, to Matthew’s ability to make a straight man curious about gay
porn. These two are a breath of fresh air and hit you fast and hard… in a good
way. This novel is rare, beautifully written, and tantalizing!
Dedications

To the only person in this world who knows me inside and out. The person
who knows both the good and the bad about me, but loves me anyway. To the
person who laughs, fights, and smiles with me. The one who listens to my ideas,
reads my chapters, and lets me rant and rave about anything that may cross my
mind… without judgment. To the person who knows that although my moods
may sway with the blow of the winds, he never forgets that I still and will love
him anyway. Up and downs, thick and thin… our friendship survived it all. For
my best friend, Matthew Ramsey, from Duval High School to current day, I will
be thankful for you and will love you always.
Fabiola Joseph

I dedicate this book to my best friend, Fabiola Joseph. If someone would've

said you and I would write a bestseller when you walked into drama class,
twelve years ago, I would've thought they were crazy. I can't believe the journey
our friendship has taken us on, but I'm so happy to be here, alive, and a part of
it. I love you like a sister, and I can't wait until we write out next “Mattiola
Production”, whatever that may be. If it wasn't for you collaborating with me on
this book, it definitely wouldn't be what it is now, because your ideas combined
with my ideas add up to a very entertaining read.

Matthew Ramsey
Acknowledgements

Thank you from Matthew.

I want to thank my sister Rebecca, my cousins Sandy, Sherry, and Shelby,
my good friends Faye, Crystal, Alexis, Lydia, Rachel, Chelsey, and Carnell, and
everyone else who has ever read my poems, chapters, etc... and enjoyed them.
Your kind words gave me the motivation to keep writing, and for that I'm
forever grateful. Leon, thanks for giving me the inspiration I needed to finish
this book. You have no idea how much that helped, well maybe you do (smile).
Philip, for being a great friend, and letting me use your home when I needed a
quiet place to get away and write, which was quite often. Mya Ayo for creating a
hot cover, I still can't believe that's our book cover. I love it. Brandie Randolph, I
hope your good deed comes back to you, you did an amazing job, and I hope I
get to work with you again in the near future. I also have to thank my favorite
authors Donald Goines, Stephen King, Omar Tyree, James Patterson, Zane, and
Fabiola Joseph for entertaining me with your words, thoughts, imaginations, and
for inspiring me to want to try my hands at this, THANK YOU! Last but not
least, my mom, for basically helping me get over my fear of putting out this
novel, and telling me, “Fuck what people think, and say about you. If this is your
dream, and what you want to do... then do it.” I needed to hear that from YOU,
and that meant A LOT to me. I feel so much better now. I love you. Oh, and
don't be mad, because I quoted you. I mean, you did say it (smile). If I forgot
anyone, please don't take it personally. It's probably because you didn't even
know I enjoyed writing, or I simply just forgot. I still love you, though.

Thank you from Fabiola.

I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me. I’m sure I
thanked most of you in the first book, so no name dropping in this one. Well,
only for my new friends and readers, you all keep me going every day.
Thank you to the ladies of Diamond Eyes Book Club, Micole… you already
know! Erica… you really are the best! Papaya, I hope you really do like to
travel! Tracie, couldn’t have done it without you! Jeanette, you rock! I love your
taste in music! B. Weiner, thanks for always spelling words for me, lol. Readers
R Us. Sandy Barrett Sims, you are on my list. Thanks again! Carla Towns. Black
Faithful Sisters And Brothers Book Club. Norlita Brown, thanks for the honesty.
LD Hardy, such a good FB buddy! Glenda Wallace, you are good at what you
do! Thanks! Author SK, I love an author who supports others. Denise Collier, I
dream of readers such as you. Author Elizabeth LaShaun, thanks so much! I
know it’s hard to find the time, but YOU did. Brandie Davis, (hey) Thanks
again! My Urban Book Club. Mack Mama, thanks for the love! You are one of a
kind! Sharon LadyShay. Terry Benjamin. Michelle DCBR Rawls, thanks so
much. Radiah Hubbert. Malika B McLaughlin, thanks you. Brandie Randolph,
you already know that I think you ROCK! You came in and saved this book. For
that, I am so thankful! Editing Couture & More. Urban Hip-Hop & Street
Literature. Ollie Moss, Sherika Williams. Tiffany Williams. Adina Spriggs.
Sally McCargo. Adrenna Shipman. Dawn Jaspers, smile! Natoya Taylor, thanks
so much! Christopher Joseph. Mya Ayo, thanks for the cover, so sexy! AAMBC.
ARC Book Club Inc. All4One. We Read Urban Fiction. Black E-book Club.
Urban Reviews. The Daring Show Reading Club. The Sexy Situations Literary
Suite. Thank you all!
If Fabiola or Matthew left any names out, feel free to add yours here.
_______________________________________
Most likely, it was not on purpose.
 This is a work of fiction. Jamar and Jazzy live in our minds and on paper.
They may go around having unprotected sex with multiple people, but that is not
real life. Please WRAP it up! AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are
real. Don’t live in a made up world where you think you can tell if a person has
something. Look at everyone as if they have something. Get tested and use
protection!
 That is what I keep asking myself as I sit across from the person who is here
to take my life. Being in this situation forces me to really think about life, my life.
I have been Jezebel for so long that I can’t remember my prior existence. There
are times that I would catch a glimpse of her but in that same second, she’d go
away. I’ve thought about going home, but would that really help? It’s not like I
knew who I was when I was there. Plus, I am too afraid to go back and face my
past. I left behind so many expectations that going back would only force me to
face lost dreams and family disappointments.
I knew before I came here that the streets of L.A. are paved with broken
dreams and battered souls, but I really thought that my story would be different.
I had the looks, the skills, and the drive to be the actress/director that I wanted
to be, but the problem was that there are too many people here with the same
qualifications. Being broke, hungry, and ambitious can be a deadly combination
in this city and those words summed up the situation that I was in about a year
ago. When I left Baltimore, I told my mother that the next time she saw me, it
would be on TV. She was a big-time actress back in Puerto Rico in the 70s, and
she had everything going for her until she met Jack, Jack Daniel’s that is. I went
from living in an eight bedroom house with maids and drivers, to coming to
America and dying in a one bedroom apartment in Baltimore.
When I say dying, I don’t mean it in a literal sense, but I was dying
emotionally and mentally. The first blow came when my father told us that he
wasn’t leaving his native island for a place that he knew nothing about. I tried
for weeks to talk him into coming with us but it was no use. It wasn’t until later
that I found out that he was just sick of my mother’s ways. After getting fired
from the soap opera that she worked on, she turned into a monster. She was
drunk 24 hours a day and berating my dad and I became her hobby. She wasn’t
the happy woman she had always been, and my father’s heart had become
broken and empty. So empty that he fed me to the lion that was my mom and
never gave it a second thought. Can I now say that my current location in life is
the result of my father’s abandonment and my mother’s drinking? YES. But then,
I would also have to say that my own two feet ran to this destination and that I
paved my own path.
What do I do now? Do I continue to climb that jilted ladder and fight the
winds and turbulence of the porn industry and life? Or, do I climb back down
and fight to live? To live past today, and to live a life that isn’t filled with sex,
lies, and porn stars?
“Do you really think that I give a shit about what you’re telling me? Well, I
don’t. I just want to know what drove you to do what you did today, ‘cause that’s
what got you in this predicament, in this chair, tied down, and about to die.”
As the words leave my attacker’s mouth, I feel sick to my stomach. I think
about the life I was about to have with the man I truly love and wish that things
had turned out differently. I should have known that the seedy world of porn
would take me down. However, like most of the others, it sucked me in and
blinded me. The attention fed my once lost ego and I don’t think that there is any
going back after that. Being the top-selling Latino porn star did not come easily.
I thought that being a topnotch starlet meant that you had to suck a lot of dicks,
fuck like a pro, and market yourself until you borderline overkill your fans. Boy,
was I wrong. The adult industry demands much more than that; it asks for all of
you and you must deliver every last drop. Most times, you must even give
yourself up and become the person that it has formed you to be. Then, once you
have hit that point of no return, you rarely even remember who you were before
you became the devil that you are today. Plus, I didn’t know that I would be tied
to a chair, bruised, and beaten, all because I chose to save my best friend’s life.
“Now, are you going to tell me what I want to know, or are you going to take
it to the grave with you? Either way, you are going to the grave-today.”
I receive another blow to the face and as I relive the last year of my life, I
pray that I can find the words, the rights words to save me from this real-life
monster.
 Chapter 1

“You’re my little Jezebel.”

“What makes you think that you can do this?”
The sexy man that looked like he was in his early twenties asked me. Not
being prepared made his question echo in my head. Could I really do this? I
could barely have sex in my private life with the lights on. Yet, there I sat, in
front of a man that would want me to suck, fuck, and cum on demand. To make
things worse, it may be viewed by millions, well, that’s if you’re lucky.
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that I was ready, Mr. Breeze.”
The words just flowed out off of my tongue as if I were telling the truth.
Although I thought that I had him convinced, I still had to keep my hands under
his desk so that he wouldn’t see them shaking.
“Do you have your health papers with you?”
I reached into my purse and handed them to him. I watched his eyes go from
the dates on the paper to my STD status.
“Well, it looks like everything is in order. Are you showered, shaved and
ready to go?”
“Ready to do what; I didn’t think that I would be doing anything today?” I
answered, as I shifted in my seat.
“Oh, you will be filming today; it’s just that it won’t be sold. I am going to
have the pleasure of test-driving you myself,” Breeze answered, as he looked
over my body. He didn’t do this with everyone, but he liked what he saw and he
was very open about that.
Sensing the resistance in my voice, he tried his best to make me see things
his way.
“You didn’t think that we were just going to sign you to a big movie deal
without knowing if you have what it takes, did you? That’s not how things work
here; you can ask any one of our girls.”
 I had never really taken the time to really think about it. I just always thought
that if you looked good and were clean, you would automatically have the porn
doors opened to you.
“Look, Jasmine, this is not an industry for the faint of heart. A lot of girls
walk through that door, but they don’t last too long. We, here at Fantasy
Pictures, hold our actors to a higher standard. We like to give our customers a
feeling of fantasy fulfillment .We want you to love sex. We want your moans
and panting to be real. Our customers want you to get wet because you feel
good, not because we poured a bottle of lube on your pussy. Well, not unless we
get a request to do so,” Breeze laughed, as if what he just said was the funniest
things that he had heard in a long time. I kept a straight face.
“It’s all about fun here, Jazzy. We want you to feel it down to the bone.
When you cum, it has to be because your body is really exploding. We want
your legs shaking and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. And we want it
to be real.”
As he went on and on about the joys of really having sex, I started to faze
him out. I don’t think that I had ever really enjoyed sex. My friends would
always talk about cumming and, so I wouldn’t be left out, I would lie, join them,
and talk about how good it was. But the truth of the matter was that I had never
had an orgasm in my life. Not even when I masturbated.
“Here’s what I want you to do. I’m going to have Tanya take you upstairs.
You can shower and have your hair and makeup done. While doing so, I want
you to really think about this. If you show up on stage three, in about two hours,
then I’ll know that you’re ready, if not, well, another one that may have been
really good, bites the dust.
“Who’s that?” I asked, as I noticed the picture of the older, slightly
overweight Italian man on the office wall.
“That’s my father. If I wasn’t here today, I’m sure he would have jumped at
the opportunity to take you for that test-drive,” Breeze answered with a smile. I
damn near trembled at the thought of what he just said. I’m sure that he could
read my thoughts about his father, but I didn’t care. I really wouldn’t have gone
through with it if that was the case. I sure was happy that I didn’t put off going
there like I had planned. The future would have held one of the worst sexual
experiences of my life, or so I thought.
Tanya walked in and was told to take me to the locker room. It was as if her
presence was felt before she even walked into the room. She embodied
everything that I thought a porn star would be. As I followed her to the locker
rooms, I wondered if this is what I was going to become. Once there, Tanya
handed me a set of towels, douche, and body wash. As I took them from her, I
admired her beauty. She was an Amazon, standing 5’10” without heels. Her hair
was platinum and it almost looked natural. Her eyes were blue, while holding a
tint of black like the deepest part of the ocean. Her breasts held my attention as I
wondered if they were as fake as her lips.
“What did you think of Breeze?” she asked me, as my eyes darted back to
hers from her double Ds.
“Oh, he was okay, much nicer than the other guy I met at SLICK
Productions.”
“Well, stay away from him, he’s mine. It’s been three years and I almost
have a ring on this finger. The last thing I need is for some mixed bitch to come
in here and fuck with my shit.”
Tanya held up her left hand showing me an empty ring finger.
“You do know that we are about to—.”
“Yeah, I know, but you mean nothing to him. Just because you’re about to
suck his cock doesn’t mean shit. If it doesn’t have to do with work then I don’t
want to ever see you near him. Understand?”
While Tanya halfway intimidated me, we were joined by a black girl who
stood by the door with her hands on her hips. She let out a healthy laugh once
Tanya stopped talking.
“Girl, please, ain’t nobody thinking about Breeze. I am so sick of this tired
ass speech that you feel that you have to give all the new girls. Plus, if we really
wanted him, you wouldn’t still have him.”
I let out a small chuckle while I watched DeeDee Delight in action. She had
a fast tongue and wasn’t afraid to use it. I took a liking to her right away.
“All you bitches want Breeze and you know it. I can’t turn my back without
one of you tramps jumping on his lap or getting in his face,” Tanya said, as she
towered over DeeDee. But that didn’t scare her. She stood her ground against
many women that did more than just pop their gums like Tanya was doing.
“Well, it’s kind of hard to tell your boss no when he’s the one asking for it
after hours, know what I mean? Maybe your white ass doesn’t have enough ass
to keep a man like him,”
DeeDee said, as she turned around and shook her ass like Tanya only wished
she could.
“Plus, maybe you should be having this conversation with him, if he doesn’t
replace you first.”
 By then, Tanya’s once white porcelain skin was now turning red with anger.
“Fuck you, bitch,” Tanya said, as she stormed out of the locker room.
“Hi, I’m DeeDee Delight,” she said, while shaking my hand. Tanya’s
outburst meant nothing to her; it wasn’t the first or the last time that it would
happen. I told her my name as she gave me the once over.
“You’re cute and all of that, but the name has got to go.”
“Well, I haven’t really thought about a stage name yet.”
“Don’t worry, Breeze will give you one. He always comes up with one
during or after his test drive,” DeeDee said, laughing.
“Well, I’m going to let you get ready. And remember, don’t pay that white
ho no mind. She’s just lucky that the right bitch hasn’t come along forcing the
Breeze to blow the other way.”
Getting ready to do something that makes you nervous is always the hard
part. Before you bring yourself to do it, your mind plays so many tricks on you
that you start to think that you’re insane. I was starting to think that taking my
time in the shower wasn’t such a good idea. It gave me time to think about my
mother and father. What would they think? Could they really deal with me being
a porn star? Could I wake up in the morning and not think of myself as trash?
Maybe I couldn’t.
“I’m ready for you, honey,” a voice called from the door. She told me that
her name was Kayla and that’s she was from hair and make-up. I grabbed my
things and hurried downstairs with her. Anymore time alone in that locker room
would have had me heading home in tears.
“Hi, I’m Jasmine,” I said as I extended my hand. She took it and brought the
palm of my hand close to her face.
“What a big heart you have, but you must be very careful. There may be an
incident in your future that could leave you lost and damaged.”
I looked down at my hand and saw nothing.
“Don’t worry, honey; at least, I see big money coming your way.”
“So what’s better, a sense of self or money?”
I waited as she thought about it. Because I didn’t know the answer for
myself, I was eager to hear her opinion.
“Different strokes for different folks, honey. I have made my choices and
you will have to make your own. That’s just how life works. Now, sit down
before Breeze comes down here.”
Kayla did my makeup as we made small talk. She never did give me an
outright answer to my question, but she did tell me a little bit about herself. She
told me that she tried the porn thing, but that it really wasn’t for her. She laughed
her way through her story of Breeze’s father test driving her.
“The trick is to picture the man that gave you the best orgasm that you ever
had. Close your eyes if you have to and just let it take over your body.”
I stayed quiet as she spoke. I wasn’t going to let her in on my little secret yet.
No need to have her laugh behind my back and let everyone know how
inexperienced I was.
Before I knew it, I was being turned around to face myself. At least, I
thought it was me.
“First time seeing yourself in this much makeup, huh? Well, this is porn
makeup. Get used to it.”
I sat and stared at myself, trying to find the real me. The only thing that
looked the same was my eyes; other than that, I was void of my old self. I
thought, hey, maybe I could use this to my advantage.
“If you think that this is something, wait ‘til you’re pumped full of silicone
and your hair is dyed jet black or platinum blonde.”
“That will never happen. My 32 Bs are all right with me. Plus, men have
always liked my breasts the way they are,” I answered, with all of the conviction
I had in my body.
“Yeah, that’s what they all say, then, less than a year later, you all look like
manufactured Barbies. Anyways, it looks like it’s show time,” Kayla said, as she
pointed to the green light that was aglow at her station.
“Just remember to close your eyes and picture the man of your dreams.”
With Kayla’s words in mind, I forced my legs to move and take the steps to
the future that I had paved for myself.

*****

I stood behind the double doors with clammy and shaky hands. I wiped them
on the skimpy outfit that was given to me and took in a deep breath. I could hear
Mr. Breeze asking about my whereabouts, and although I knew that it was show
time, I couldn’t convince myself to push them open.
“Will someone go see about that damn girl?” I heard him semi-scream. Not
wanting to draw more attention to myself by having someone come after me, I
took in a deep breath and walked through the doors. Although I didn’t know who
I was about to be, I knew that she wasn’t going to be me, and that she was going
to be able to fuck and suck off anyone that came her way.
“We were starting to think that you didn’t have the balls or, should I say, the
tits to come out here and do this,” Breeze said, as I opened my eyes and studied
what looked like a well-built warehouse. Everything was sectioned off into its
own space. They had four different stages that were interchangeable to suit
whatever scene they were filming. On the far left, was a glass room that was
filled with sex toys, lube, outfits, whips, and anything that you may have needed
to make a bad ass adult movie.
“Where in the hell did you get that outfit, the dollar store?” Tanya asked, as
she sat on the side of the stage, as if she was the queen of the porno kingdom.
“It’s better than the trash that was given to you for your first run,” DeeDee
said as she walked over to me.
“You’ll be on this set today. It should make things easier since it looks like a
real bedroom,” DeeDee told me as we walked over to the beautifully decorated
set. Everything looked new and expensive. Way better than that low budget set
they had at SLICK Productions.
“Okay, people, let’s clear the set. If you don’t have to be here, then get the
hell out.”
“That means you, too, skyscraper.”
I let out a little laugh as DeeDee referred to Tanya’s height. But, she didn’t
move. Tanya looked over at Breeze and he gave her the okay to stay. Once
DeeDee saw this, she decided that she wasn’t leaving either.
Breeze took my hand and we made our way to the zebra print lounging chair.
He took off his robe and revealed a smooth chest and black boxers. It was then
that I really noticed his looks. He was 5’10” with a swimmer’s build. His body
was perfect and his hair, long and full of curls, was slicked back. His face was as
smooth as a baby’s ass, making him look like he was still in his early twenties
instead of his real age, which was 33. His skin was light, but held a natural beige
hue. Judging by the texture of his hair, the fullness of his lips, and the swag in
his step, I knew that he was mixed with something.
Breeze told one of the crewmen to dim the lights and turn the cameras on. I
turned to him with confusion on my face.
“I thought that this wasn’t going to be taped?”
“No, I said that it wouldn’t be sold, I film everything that I am in. Don’t
worry, it’s just so that I can go back and watch it. If it turns me on to the point
that I want to jerk off, then you’re in.”
 Since there is no way for me to know if this was proper procedure, once
again, I said fuck it. There was no turning back now.
“Should I take this off?” I asked, as I tugged on my outfit.
“No, I’ll take it off once I’m ready. Why don’t we just start off with you on
my lap?”
I did what was asked of me as I looked around the warehouse. All eyes were
on me and that wasn’t going to change. It was as if everyone was waiting for the
two sideshow freaks to perform.
“Just close your eyes and enjoy my touch,” Breeze said, as his fingers slid up
my stomach and gripped my breast. He wrapped his fingers around my nipple
and rolled it slowly. It hardened under his touch, loosening me up a bit. I leaned
my back into his chest and melted into it.
“Yeah, that’s right, Jazzy. Make that kitty wet for Breeze.”
His touch, along with just the smell of him, turned me on. It was sweet, yet
masculine. His voice was like silk. I could feel his hands moving up my thigh
and I spread my legs just a little to let him in, but he took his time. He kept his
hand on my breast as he massaged the inside of my thigh.
“Oh, Jazzy, you’re just so soft and pretty, you’re almost like a doll. Can I
make you feel good, Jazzy? Can I make that pussy purr?”
At that point, he had me. He probably could have asked me to eat shit and I
would have said yes. To answer him, I just turned around and kissed him. I
didn’t know how I was supposed to kiss him. I didn’t know if there was such a
thing called a porn kiss or if I should have kissed him the nasty way that I saw in
all of the adult films that I had studied. You know the ones where their tongues
are doing some kind of sickening tongue fight. That was never a turn-on for me,
so I kissed him my way, with as much emotion that I could muster for that
moment. Just because I had never experienced an orgasm before didn’t mean
that I had never loved before, so that’s who I pictured-my first love. Breeze must
have liked it because he kissed me back just as softly as I had done to him.
By the time his hands were in the panties that I had on, I was feeling things
that were new to me. My body was damn near shaking as he rubbed my clit and
kissed me. My body moved with every stroke of his hand and small moans
escaped my lips in the midst of our kiss. In the middle of my sexual awakening,
Breeze pulled away as he felt me getting too close to the point of no return.
“Slow down, Jazzy, don’t lose control yet. This is porn, baby.”
“What is she some sort of virgin? Bitch is about to pop from a stroke of the
hand,” Tanya said, as she let out a long, condescending laugh. It was cut short
with just one stern look from Breeze.
“If you have anything else to say, you might as well leave. I called for quiet
on the set and you heard that, didn’t you?”
There was no reason for her to answer; we knew she heard it, as we all did.
“You’re doing wonderfully, baby, just hold back a bit. Maybe we should
move to the bed.”
I was barely looking at him now. That bitch Tanya fucked up my groove.
Now all I could think of was my inexperience. Feeling the tension creep back
into my body, Breeze whispered sweet words into my ears as we slid into the
bed.
“Don’t feel too bad, you had me on the verge of fucking losing it, too. See?”
he said as he slipped my hand in his boxers making me feel his rock hard dick
that was wet with pre-cum.
Knowing not to give me any more time to think, he plunged his lips unto
mine and we picked up right where we left off. I closed my eyes to avoid
watching the camera men who surrounded me. Fifteen minutes into his finger
action, he was ready to undress me. As he pulled my skimpy outfit off, it hit me
that this wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. I almost liked it and
didn’t mind feeling this way, either. Once Breeze had me completely naked,
although it was a minor change, he noticed it, too. It seemed as though I was
somehow more available to him now, more inviting. He looked down at my
body and admired it. A beautiful body to him was always like a piece of rare art.
He watched my firm breasts and hardened nipples and had to have them in his
mouth, and I couldn’t wait. He lowered his head and licked me from my neck to
my chest. To him, my breasts tasted like honey, and to me, his mouth felt wet
and warm. My moans grew louder as he worked his way lower. When he
reached my belly button, I wondered if he was going to be the first man to ever
give me head. I had dreamed about this for years, but could never bring myself
to let anyone do it. Every time a man would head down that way, I always made
sure to bring him back up. I never wanted them to come so close to the lips down
there, but today, I was damn near pushing Breeze’s head in that direction.
“Yeah, eat that pussy, baby,” I heard someone say.
“Eat that kitty real good, daddy,” I heard again.
“Don’t worry, Jazzy; this is what I do best.”
It wasn’t until I heard Breeze’s answer that I realized that those nasty words
came out of my mouth.
“Oh, fuck, Breeze; yeah that’s it, right there!” I screamed as his wet, warm
tongue invaded my cave.
If only I could describe the feeling that came over me. To this day, it may
still be beyond words. My body was on fire and I didn’t want anyone to put it
out. I felt the caress of a man and discovered what true pleasure was, and that
will never be taken from me.
His tongue flickered so fast on my clit that I thought that it was a vibrator.
He reached up and rubbed my nipples just as fast as his tongue played with
my pussy. It got to the point that it was so good that I thought that if he
didn’t stop, I was going to lose my mind. I tried to close my legs around his
neck, but he just pushed them back further then what they were before.
There I was, spread eagle, pussy out for the world to see and I didn’t care. I
just wanted him to stop and keep going at the same time.
“Oh, God, please stop, wait, right there, yeah that’s it, don’t stop!” I
screamed out in a confused, lust filled rage. By then, I was holding my legs
damn near behind my ears and was shoving Breeze’s face into my dripping
wet cunt. That’s when things started to get fuzzy. Little red dots danced
around the room and everyone’s face turned into one. It seemed as if all of
the blood rushed out of my brain and flowed down between my legs. My
body shook violently under the sensations that overtook it.
“Goddamn, goddamn, I have got to get into that pussy,” Breeze said, as my
bodily fluids squirted all over his face. I lay there, wondering how he could
have been turned on after having me piss in his face. Not knowing that it
was cum and not pee, I thought for sure that this whole experience was
over. But it wasn’t, Breeze kept his word and slid the whole 10 inches of
half-black, half-Italian dick into my cum-filled hole. The liquid from my
body lubricated his shaft as he slowly moved in and out of me.
“This is some good ass pussy, man. Wet, tight, and deep,” Breeze said, into
one of the cameras.
“You got to make sure to get a close up of this shit, man. Just a straight up
pussy and dick shot at first and then I want you to pan out.”
I never could understand how Breeze was able to give out directions during
our session, but he fell right into place, as if he never spoke a word. My
moaning and groaning was becoming just as loud as his as he reached down
and played with my clit. His rhythm was on point and his 10 inches filled
my tight little kitty to the T.
“Get on top now; you do know how to ride, right?
“Uhhh, yeah, I can ride.”
I was lying through my teeth, but I was going to do whatever he asked to the
best of my ability. Now this, I liked. I was in the driver’s seat and I was
going to take us exactly where we wanted to go. But it wasn’t as easy as I
thought; it took me a little while to drive that stick, but a couple minutes
into it, I was damn near a race car driver. As I looked down at him, I
started to think of all of the freaky shit that I never did and now wanted to
do with him. This was the best dick that I had ever had and it had me
sprung from the very first point of entry.
“You’re doing real good, Jazzy, now speed it up, but first turn around,
that’s called reverse cowgirl.”
I did as told and was right where we left off. I worked my hips fast, steadily
drawing Breeze closer and closer to the Promised Land.
“Oh, Jazzy, baby, you making Breeze feel really good, honey. Your pussy is
the best, baby; Fuck me; I’m about to cum.”
“I want you to cum on my tits, baby. You gonna do that for me, Breeze?”
I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I just repeated what I heard
on the last film that I watched.
“Yeah, I knew you had some slut in you. I’ll cum all over you, baby.
Anywhere you want, any time, Jazzy. I’m hooked, baby; I’m hooked.”
As he said this, I looked across the room. Almost everyone looked intrigued
and turned on. That’s not an easy thing to do when on a porn set. These
people were around sex all day, but something about Breeze and I hit that
spot. Maybe it was the fact that they just watched a sexually innocent girl
turn into a stone cold freak. Then, I saw the face of disdain. Tanya looked
like I ran over her cat and then served it to her for dinner on a shit filled
plate. But, when I saw the smile on DeeDee’s face, I knew that I was doing
one hell of a job.
Before I knew it, I was getting flipped over and rested on my back. Breeze’s
dick came close to my face and hovered over my chest. It was when he
started to cum that my porn name dawned on him.
“Fuck, it feels sooooo good, Jazzy. You’re my little Jezebel. You’re my little
secret slut.”
And with that, I was named.
 I think I’m at the warehouse, wondering who Breeze wants me to pretend to
be in this scene. A police officer, thug, repairman, athlete, or simply just a
freak? I open my eyes and realize I’m fucked. Not in a good way, either. I’m tied
up in this chair, beaten, bleeding, and convinced tonight is the last night of my
life. I’m young, sexy, and to some, a star. So, I shouldn’t be here right now. I
should be on an island with the man of my dreams, loving life, not about to have
my life taken.

My name is Jamar Rodriguez, but I’m better known as Krave. I’ve been
making adult films in L.A. for two years now and I was loving life until today.
My biggest regret is not being honest with my father. I wish I could call him one
last time, tell him I love him, and that I’m sorry I lied. I know when he reads
about my murder, it’s going to kill him to not only find out his only son was gay,
but worked in the adult industry. My dad thinks I’ve been in L.A. pursuing my
dreams of becoming an actor. In a way, I’m not lying because I am acting in
movies. When I was younger, I used to star in school and church plays. It was
fun and I was actually good at it. My uncle, Teddy, once told me, “Jamar, you’re
talented. You’re going to be a star and I can’t wait to see you on television.” If
he has, God help him because he’s seen way more of me than he, or I, would
want him to. When I was 15, my parents were going to enroll me in some acting
classes, but everything changed when my mother was murdered. She was shot
and killed during a bank robbery; witnesses said one of the robbers accused her
of trying to press the silent alarm button underneath the counter before shooting
her in the head. My mother’s murderer must’ve been paranoid and panicked
because that bank didn’t have those type of alarms. The robbers were never
caught and my father was devastated. You could say I lost both of my parents
that day because my father rarely spoke after the funeral. He kept busy and
stayed to himself, so I was basically alone. Don’t get me wrong, if I wanted, or
needed, something, he made sure I had it, but that wasn’t the kind of love I
needed. I gave up acting and focused all of my attention on boys. I started
noticing how cute and sexy they were. I had a lot of crushes, but I really fell in
love with Atiba. He was from Trinidad and was so adorable. He was 5’7” and
had a dark brown complexion, with a tight, runner’s build. We had chemistry
class together and got paired up as lab partners. We became friends after that so
one day; I grew some balls and asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend at
my house. I was thrilled when he said, “Sure, if my parents will let me.” I was
planning on finding out if he was gay, bi, or curious, but I had no idea I’d lose
my virginity that Friday night. While getting ready for bed, I put in a movie as he
made himself comfortable. He was about to get on the bed in just his shorts as
something came over me.
“Damn, you have a nice body,” sort of slipped out of my mouth.
He laughed and then said, “Thanks, I guess.”
“What do you mean, you guess?”
“Well, I’ve never received a compliment like that from another boy before.”
“Oh, my bad, did I offend you?”
“No, you’re straight.”
“Actually, I’m not,” I replied half-joking.

“You’re not what?” he asked, as if he was confused now.

“Straight!”
I replied with my head down because I didn’t want to see his reaction. I was
scared it would be the look of disgust.
“OH!”
“Is that cool? Can we still be friends?”
“Yeah, you’re cool.”
After that, there was silence for the first hour of the movie. I didn’t know
what to say at first and either he was really into Push, or he didn’t know what to
say either. I waited 'til I built up enough nerve and asked, “So, Atiba, I was
wondering, by chance, are you gay or bi?”
“No, I’m not. Why?”
“I asked because I have a crush on you.”
“I’m flattered, Jamar, but I don’t get down like that.”
Nothing else was said. I zoned out because I was disappointed and
embarrassed. Then, he said, “Since you told me a secret, do you want to know
one of mine?”
Of course I replied, “Yes!”
He reminded me about his ex-girlfriends before telling me he was still a
virgin. Once he started talking, he couldn’t stop. He told me how he enjoyed
watching porn and how he wished he was the men in the movies. I was definitely
interested in hearing more.
“Why didn’t you try having sex with one of your ex-girlfriends?”
He told me he was scared he wouldn’t be good at it and he didn’t want that
spreading around school. He would’ve been too embarrassed and humiliated. I
started plotting and I figured since I had already put my feelings out there, I had
nothing to lose.
“You can practice on me. I’m a virgin, too, so my expectations aren’t high.
I’ve never even see a porno, so I don’t even know what to expect.”
He brushed me off and acted like he wasn’t interested, but he must’ve started
fantasizing about some of the movies he watched because the bulge in his shorts
was sticking straight up. It was hard not to stare, so I couldn’t take my eyes off
of it. He noticed so he turned over on his stomach. I’ve always been persistent,
so after asking him over, and over, and over again, “Are you sure you don’t to
see what it feels like?” he finally cracked.
“If you put on some straight porn and promise you won’t tell anyone, I’ll try
it. If you do tell, I’m going to deny it and then I’m going to kick your ass.”
I promised, but I didn’t own any porn. I had to turn on my computer so he
could search for what he needed. After he pulled up one of his favorites sites, he
showed me some clips. It was overwhelming at first, and pretty graphic, but it
was turning me on at the same time. I asked if he was ready to try out some of
the things he was looking at. He replied, “Okay, but I’m not kissing you and I’m
not a punk, so you have to be the girl the whole time.” I was so happy to finally
be with Atiba after many nights of daydreaming about it, to the point that I
would’ve done anything he wanted. As we got completely nude, I couldn’t take
my eyes off his body, especially when I looked down to see he was well endowed.
He was much bigger than I was. Back then, I was a good seven inches and
growing, but Atiba was already working with nine. On his short, muscular
frame, it looked huge. I started touching and slowly stroking it up and down,
admiring his masterpiece. He was shy about telling me what he wanted next, but
his hand pushing my head down was all the direction I needed. I didn’t know
what I was doing, so I just mimicked what the young, pretty, light-skinned girl
was doing in the movie. If she would lick up, down, and all around, then so did I.
If she worked her mouth and lips fast, slow, and then fast again, I worked mine
on Atiba just the same. I kept going until my mouth started hurting. He was
finally ready to get his first piece of “boy pussy” as he used to call it. I
positioned myself on my back and, after 15 minutes of struggling, running, and
using a lot of Vaseline, he finally arrived at his destination. At first, I could tell
he didn’t know what he was doing, but it didn’t take long before he found his
rhythm. From all the sounds he was making, I could tell he was enjoying it, but I,
on the other hand, not so much. It hurt and was uncomfortable, to say the least. I
was too scared he’d get mad and frustrated to make him stop. Eventually, I got
used to it and loved it because I let him use me until the sun came up Saturday
morning. Needless to say, he asked to stay over my house every weekend until
that school year ended. I didn’t hear from him the following summer and, when
our junior year started, his whole attitude had changed. He walked around as if
he was the man and he was definitely feeling himself. When I asked him how
come he didn’t call me or return any of my calls over the summer, he replied,
“Because I have a girlfriend now.” I proceeded to ask, “Where does that leave
us?” His response was, “I’m sorry, but there is no us. Jamar, you’re cool and
all, but I told you what was up from the beginning. I don’t think we should hang
out anymore and I’d appreciate it if you never brought up us again.” That was
how I was introduced to love, porn, sex, and heartbreak.
“BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME ASK YOU AGAIN!”
I hear my friend being threatened and beaten some more. I think, HOW DID
I GET HERE?
 Chapter 2

“Satisfaction Guaranteed”
“Hey, are you okay?” Tyree asked. “We’re waiting for you to start this scene
and you’re over here daydreaming, staring into space.”
“Oh, damn, I’m sorry. I was just thinking about some shit. I’m ready.”
“All right then, put your hat on, grab that pizza box, go around the stage, and
knock on the door. Hurry up because I’m horny as fuck and can’t wait to get in
that ass.”
Tyree “Konceited” Jones is my lover and my business partner. We were
filming another movie together called Satisfaction Guaranteed. It was one of the
latest productions that Fantasy Pictures would be releasing and it was the third
movie we had worked on together that week. Tyree filmed a few scenes without
me, but only because the director doubled his pay rate per scene. It’s pretty much
known in the industry that we are a package deal, so you either hire both of us,
or present one of us with an offer that we can’t resist. Once we realized how well
our movies were selling, we had to request a pay raise and come up with other
ways to make more money. It’s hard for men to make it in this business,
especially straight men, so why not take advantage of our stardom. Since each of
our movies sold over a million copies, we felt we deserved more than $3,000.00
per scene. Now we’re making anywhere from $6,000.00 to $10,000.00 per
scene. We make more as escorts, which I’ll get into more details about later.
Also, it’s known that we will only bottom for each other, meaning we will
penetrate other men, we will penetrate each other, but we don’t allow anyone to
penetrate us. Tyree gets more money when he bottoms because he is considered
a gay for pay actor. I know he loves it when I fuck him on and off the set, but it’s
just another way for him to make more money. Since we are the most requested
men in gay porn, we know what we can and can’t ask for. I have to admit,
Tyree’s actually the hottest gay porn star at the moment and I’m a little jealous
because I was told I would be. I guess I can only blame myself since, after all, I
was the one who introduced Tyree to this world.
I was relaxing and having some drinks at Shadows, one of the only straight
bars that I enjoy with my girls, when I first noticed Tyree. He looked lost and out
of place. Everyone was dressed nice and casually, looking like they just got off
work, except him. He was wearing a black New York Yankees fitted hat, denim
blue jeans that were slightly baggy, a black Sean John t-shirt, and some black
Air Force Ones. It reminded me of back home when I would attend church. It
never failed, every Sunday, everyone would wear their Sunday best except for
those one or two individuals that just had to show up wearing street clothes like
they came straight from the club the night before. I’ve always found that to be so
disrespectful. My friend Christina, a pretty, white, thick, chick that I used to
party with saw me staring and put me on blast.
“Ebony, look at Jamar checking out that eye candy over there.”
“WHERE?” Ebony, my roommate at the time, shouted.
“Over in the corner trying to hit on that fat girl,” Christina stated.
Which made me think why do big girls always make it a point to call out
someone bigger than themselves? Christina knew she was wrong for saying that
being that she was about 10 cheeseburgers away from being called “fat” herself.
“Oh, no, don’t even bother, Jamar, you don’t want him,” Ebony said, like she
already knew all about him.
“First of all, Christina, I was just looking since he stood out, and second of
all, why not, Ebony?”
“Uh huh.”
I heard Christina mumble under her breath. I should’ve just admitted I was
picturing him naked at my place, but I was mad that Christina ruined my visual
right as it was getting to the good part, which was the imaginary huge dick I
pictured him having.
“You know Natalie, right?” Ebony asked.
“Natalie? Natalie? Umm, refresh my memory,” I replied.
“Natalie! Tameka’s cousin, light skin, long face, long black weave, nice
body, real loud, and annoying.”
“Ebony, I still can’t figure out who you’re talking about.”
She sucked her teeth then let out a big “UGH!!” as if she was disappointed,
and gave me a look like I was stuck on stupid.
“Come one, Jamar, stop thinking about dick for once, and focus, the girl
that’ll fuck anyone who has money, who’s famous, or even if they’re somewhat
famous. Hell, you can be an extra on CSI and she’d suck your dick, true story.”
After I realized Ebony knew I was thinking about dick I laughed to myself
then remembered who she was talking about.
“OH, HER! I forgot her name, but now I remember who you’re talking
about. Anyway what were you going to say about her?” I asked calmly still
acting as if I wasn’t interested.
“Natalie found out he was about to be a model for Sean Jean, so she was all
over him. One thing led to the bedroom, and he banged her back out.”
“Are you serious? How do you know?” I couldn’t hold back this time and
asked with excitement.
“Boo, calm down, she told me the last time I was here to avoid him, just like
I’m telling you not to bother with that loser.”
Of course, I was still curious and had to ask her why.
“Come to find out he got fired for being three hours late to his first photo
shoot, now he’s broke, can’t seem to find a job, or any other modeling gigs, and
he’s about to be homeless. You know Natalie wasn’t having that shit, because
she needs a man to spoil her. She kicked him to the curb, but not before he beat
that pussy up one last time. According to her, he had the longest and biggest dick
she’s ever had in her life. She said she had to take some extra strength Tylenol,
and soak in a hot bath afterwards to make her pussy stop hurting.”
“Damn!!! He’s hung like that?” I asked.
I could tell by the smiles on their faces that they knew what I was thinking.
They could tell I was fantasizing about him even more now, but what they didn’t
know was that I was plotting as well.
“Look at you, Jamar, all excited and shit. Close your mouth, I think he’s
straight, hon. Besides, don’t you get enough dick on the regular? Damn, it must
be nice to go to work, get some big dick, a big check, and then go the fuck home.
Hell, I’d love my job if that was the case.”
“I told you before Ebony, I can hook you up if you’re interested. Shit you too
Christina, they have a whole chubby chaser series about to come out that you’ll
be perfect for,” I said before I laughed. I couldn’t help myself I had to let
Christina see how it felt to be on the receiving end.
“Ha, ha, very funny, Jamar,” Christina replied sarcastically.
“I’m just playing girl.” I said in case she was upset.
“Boy, how would that look if I became a porn star? Didn’t I already tell you
my daddy is a pastor? He’d kill me, and then die of embarrassment if he found
out,” Ebony said, letting it be known that she wasn’t interested.
 “Oh, I’m sorry Ebony, if I misled you. I didn’t mean I could put you in the
movies. You gotta be hot like me to be porn star.”
I slowly turned around, and then put my hands up in the air like look at me;
look how fine I am.
“I meant, I could get you a job as a fluffer,” I added, before I started
laughing.
“What the fuck do I look like sitting around on the set sucking dicks in
between takes? You must be crazy. Do I look like a Becky to you? Christina girl,
that job has your name I mean lips all over it,” Ebony said as she looked at me
and we both busted out laughing.
“WHATEVER! Screw you Ebony. This white girl does not suck dick. Don’t
get me wrong, I’m not saying I’ll never do it. I just haven’t met a guy with a dick
that looked so good that I’d want to put it in my mouth,” Christina said with a
look of disgust on her face as if she was visualizing some of the dicks from her
past.
“That’s because you keep messing with those little dick, Jewish boys and
haven’t tried being with a brotha yet. You’ll want to suck on that Mr. Goodbar
every chance you get. You know what they say once you go black, you’ll never
go back,” Ebony said as if she knew from experience.
“I guess you haven’t heard Ebony, now they’re saying once you go black,
you’ll go running back,” Christina replied.
We all laughed.
“Okay, okay, you got me. You finally cracked a joke worth laughing at,”
Ebony said, still laughing.
“Speaking of the brothas, I’ll be back,” I said, as I headed over to get a better
look at this tall, thug wannabe looking dude. I wanted to just walk up to him and
introduce myself, but I was too nervous. The closer I got to him I could see how
sexy he was. He looked to be in his early 20’s, about 6’1, gorgeous slanted eyes,
clear smooth light brown skin, and some big juicy lips. His body looked slim,
but toned like he played basketball, or worked out just enough to stay in shape.
Of course I tried looking at his bulge but his long t-shirt was covering it up. He
didn’t look like someone who was broke, and about to be homeless. I decided to
go to the bar first. Luckily, I was cool with the bartender; he knew I was only
nineteen at the time, but he still served me alcohol anyway. I ordered two shots
of tequila, and two rum and cokes; one for myself, and one for Mr. Sexy since it
looked like he was already drinking one. After I took both shots back to back, I
had to get myself together since they were so strong. I turned around to head his
way, but he was gone. I started looking all around, and spotted the girl he was
talking to, but she was freaking some other dude on the small dance floor. I saw
Christina and Ebony staring at me while those bitches were laughing, so I knew
they were talking about me. I looked around some more, but he was nowhere in
sight. I was going to head back over to the girls and tell them I brought each of
them a drink, but Ebony was reading my mind, or she could see the
disappointment written all over my face. She started pointing at the big window
at the front of the bar, so I looked and there he was outside talking on his cell
phone. I smiled and mouthed, “thank you!” to her, and damn near ran outside. I
didn’t realize how close the window was beside the front door because as I bum
rushed through it he was right there. Oh, shit, was all I could think. He was
finishing his call while looking at me like I was crazy. I took a deep breath, and
tried playing it off.
“There you are! I was looking all over for you.”
He looked around in both directions.
“Are you talking to me?” he replied as he pointed at himself.
I was really starting to feel the effects from the shots now, because I wasn’t
as nervous.
“Yes, I’m talking to you. I saw you in the bar, and thought you’d be perfect
for what I have in mind. I went to the bar to get you a drink, and then you were
gone. I thought I’d lost my opportunity to see if you wanted to model for this
company I work for. Have you ever thought about modeling?”
“No, not really, but I was supposed to model for the first time a few weeks
ago, but stayed out too late partying and fucked up my opportunity.”
I didn’t bother asking him anymore details about it since Ebony had already
filled me in.
“That sucks. Do you want to try again?”
“Man, at this point I’m willing to do anything. No one wants to hire me, and
I’m down to my last two hundred dollars, and I’m sure you know that’s not
going to last me long in L.A.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” I mumbled.
“Say what?”
“I said what are you doing here?”
“Man, I needed a drink, and I was hoping to find a girl I could spend the
night with. You know how it is.”
I started laughing, but not because it was funny. I was feeling good and tipsy
since I had already had a few drinks with the girls before taking those shots.
 “Why are you laughing?” he asked.
“No, I’m sorry. I meant what are you doing here in L.A.?”
“Oh, I moved out here about a month ago with a couple of my boys, but
things didn’t work out. I didn’t really come here with a plan, but I like it so I’m
hoping to find some work so I can stay. I don’t want to go back to Detroit,
because it’s nothing but trouble for me there.”
Later I found out that no one wanted to hire him because of his criminal
record. He got arrested for possession of marijuana, and for theft. He said
everyone he knew back home was either hustling, or involved in some type of
gang activity so he knew if he went back he’d fall right back into that drama and
end up in jail for breaking his probation.
“I see! Well if you’re serious about making some money we should
exchange numbers. The company I work for would definitely pay to take some
pictures and videos of you.”
“Is that right?” he asked as if he didn’t believe me.
“Hell yeah!” I replied as I lustfully looked him up and down.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Cuz, you are too sexy, but I’m sure you hear that all the time, huh?”
“Man, go ahead with all that.” he said with a little smirk on his face. I think I
even saw him blush a little.
“Seriously though just give me a call, and I’ll make it happen.”
“Okay, put your number in my cell.”
I put one of the drinks down on the window frame as he handed me his cell
phone. It was already at the new contact screen, so I entered my number and
then saved it as “Krave, a money opportunity,” just in case he forgot who the
hell Krave was when he came across the name in his address book. I took one
last look at him, smiled, and then started walking back into the bar.
“Krave? That’s your name?”
“One of them.”
“I got you. Well, I’m Tyree.”
I turned back around.
“It’s nice to meet you. I hope you call me.” I started to walk away again.
“Oh, damn, your drink. Talking to you made me forget all about it. It’s right
there. It’s a rum and coke. I thought I saw you drinking one earlier.”
“I was, but I’m good. This girl told me she had a bad experience, so she’ll
never drink anything out here from anyone she doesn’t know ever again. She
said you never know what kind of drugs you might take unknowingly. Besides,
the way you’ve been watching me all night, and with a name like Krave, I might
have to watch out for you,” he said, and then laughed. I knew he was joking, but
little did he know I was going to get that ass, literally, so I simply replied.
“I understand.”
I walked back inside, explained to the girls what happened, and then we
enjoyed the rest of our night.
A week went by, and I still didn’t hear from Tyree. I figured he found a job,
or was stretching out the little bit of money he had left. After filming an
interracial scene with this cute, barely 18-year old white boy for one of Fantasy
Pictures websites, Thugs vs. Twinks, I went to the locker room to wash up and
change my clothes. I got all of my stuff together, grabbed my bag, and was about
to walk out when I realized I had two new voicemails. The first one was from
my dad checking up on me, asking how I was doing. He said if I needed
anything to let him know. I called him back later that day and told him I was
doing great, but could use a new laptop. Sure enough the following week he
shipped it to me. I could’ve brought it myself because I had plenty of money in
the bank, but I like making him feel good. I think it makes him feel like he’s
being a good Father. I made a mental note to slip the money that he paid for it
back in his “hiding spot”, that he thinks I don’t know about when I went back
home to visit him for Christmas last year. The other call was from Tyree asking
if I could still set that interview up, and if so to call him back. I didn’t waste any
time and called him right away. I thought I was about to get his voicemail, but he
picked up after the fourth ring.
“Hello!”
“Tyree?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Thanks for calling me back.”
“No problem. I’m glad you finally called. Are you ready to make some
money?”
“Man, you have no idea. I’m broke and desperate at this point. Even if your
company doesn’t hire me as a model, I’ll take any job that you can get me.”
“Don’t worry if you decide that you really want to do this, and like it then
you’ll definitely be a model. There’s even some acting involved. Is that cool?”
“I don’t know how good my acting skills are, but I’ll definitely try my best.”
“I’m sure you’ll do just fine, but I have to warn you so you’re not caught off
guard. Some of the modeling and acting involves nudity.”
“Oh, for real?” he sounded a little disappointed, and he didn’t seem as
excited as before.
 “Yeah, but it’s cool, and trust me it’s a professional environment. Besides it
looked like you had a nice body. Don’t tell me you’re insecure, or scared to
show areas that you might be lacking in.”
“No never that. I don’t have any problems stripping, but that’s usually only
when I’m about to get it in. I know I look good with or without clothes on. I
keep my body right so if you ask me I should get paid to look this good, but I’ve
never had anyone actually want to pay me to get naked. You see what I’m
saying?”
“Look at you sounding all confident, and conceited. I can’t wait to see if you
have that same attitude when you’re in front of the camera.”
“Trust me if I’m getting paid for it I will. I have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I hear that. Well, how about you meet me outside of Shadows tomorrow
around noon. I’ll pick you up, and take you to the studio where I work. I’ll
introduce you to Breeze, who’s one of the owners, and if you like what you see
and hear we’ll go from there. There’s no pressure, so if you’re not feeling it then
just say so. If you don’t want to do it I’ll treat you to a nice lunch, and I’ll drop
you off where ever you need me to afterwards.”
“All right then, I’ll see you tomorrow at noon.”
I hung up, and I immediately called Breeze on my way home to make sure
his offer was still good. I told him about Tyree the following day after I gave
Tyree my number. Breeze informed me that if Tyree looked as hot as I
described, and if I thought he had what it took to be part of Fantasy Pictures to
bring him in for an interview. He said, “If I like his performance, and if he signs
with us I’ll give you a referral bonus.”
“Hello!”
“What’s up Breeze?”
“Hello Jamar. How are you?”
“I’m great, and yourself?”
“I’m fine. Is something wrong?”
“No, everything is cool. I was calling you because Tyree finally called me
back, and I was hoping you didn’t forget about what we discussed.”
“I didn’t forget, and you know I’m always looking for new talent. This week,
I’ll only be able to interview him tomorrow between 1:00 PM and 2:00 PM.”
“Okay, great, that’s perfect because I’m meeting him downtown tomorrow at
noon so that will give us enough time to meet you, but Breeze, there’s one thing
that I failed to mention,”
I paused because I wasn’t sure how Breeze would respond.
 “Go on, I’m waiting.”
“The thing is, I’m not actually sure if he’s gay, or willing to do gay porn. I
told him it was a modeling gig, so I hope it’s not a waste of your time.”
“Jamar, how could you? This poor guy won’t know what he’s walking into
tomorrow,” he said and then let out a devilish laugh.
“I know Breeze, but he’s perfect. I know he really needs the money so I
think he’ll like what you have to offer him. Plus, you don’t understand how bad I
want him.”
“Oh, you want him? Here I was thinking you just wanted the referral bonus.”
“You have no idea. I’m going to need your help convincing him though.”
“Trust me I’ll try my hardest, and you know me, I usually get what I want.
I’m used to turning straight boys out, especially the broke ones. You haven’t
worked on this yet but we have a series called “Straight Ass for Cash”, about
half of the men claim to be straight, but the other half are gay but sell the fantasy
really well. If your guy works out I’ll definitely need him for the next film.”
“Thanks Breeze, but I need one more favor. I know you have a procedure,
and use Domingo to test out all of the men, but I want to be the one who tests
drives Tyree.”
“Wow, Jamar, you’ve got it bad for this guy, and I see you’re really starting
to enjoy being part of our business. I think my father was right about you when
he said you’re going to have a long and successful career. I guess I’ll let you try
him out, but I have to go now. I have some business to attend to.”
“Thanks again Breeze. You won’t regret it.”
 Chapter 3

“Welcome to Fantasy Pictures”

I woke up wondering if the day before was all a fulfilling nightmare. I felt
like I was alive again. I felt like I had just won a prize and I wanted to share it
with everyone. I was awakened from my 19 year slumber and I was ready for the
adventure of a life time. All night I dreamt of Breeze and all the things he had
done to me. In-between my legs throbbed for more of his sex and I couldn’t wait
to get it again. Although my mind was on him that whole day, I tried to go about
life as if nothing had ever happened. I picked up my dry cleaning and went to the
bank to set up an auto payment for my bills. It wasn’t until the teller told me that
I didn’t have enough money in my account to cover all of them that I wondered
if Breeze would ever call and give me the job.
“Well how much am I short?” I asked hoping that this month; I would only
be short a hundred dollars.
“You’re about three hundred dollars short. Do you have any money in your
savings to cover that?”
Now if I would have hauled off and slapped this silly bitch, would I have
been wrong? Now, with all of my accounts pulled up on that computer monitor
that’s in her face, she knew the answer to that question better than I did.
“Does it look like I have any fucking money in there?” I ask out of
frustration with both the teller and my current situation.
I could tell that she was restraining herself as the red in her checks appeared.
I stood there and thought about it. There are only so many things that I could go
without. I need my electricity and water so that was a must. It looked like my car
insurance and cable was going to be put on the back burner for the month.
“Can I have my damn ID back please?” I asked as I snatched my belongings
off the counter. I knew that this wasn’t her fault but I didn’t care. I was mad at
the world and was ready to blow up on anyone that I came across. It wasn’t even
really because of my financial situation, I had been there before. It was because I
felt that I had wasted my time. I felt that I had lowered myself and fucked a
stranger on the hopes that I would become a porn star. Plus, my self-esteem was
lowered. Why hadn’t he called? Wasn’t I good enough? What didn’t I do right?
On one side of things, I had the best time of my life, and on the other hand, I felt
inadequate. Fuck this shit, I thought. I just needed to go home, jump in a hot bath
and smoke a fat one. I jumped into my car that would soon be uninsured and
headed to the nearest weed spot. This was my only vice so far. I had always
made sure to stay away from liquor after seeing what it had done to my mother.
To me, weed was harmless; all I had ever done after smoking was eat and sleep.
I took a 20 out of the fifty dollars that I had left for groceries and brought a
DUB. It would be enough to fuck me up and maybe put me in a better mood. Or
at least take my mind off of the things that were bothering me. Once home, I
dropped my bags at the door and headed straight for the couch. I let my body
sink into it as I picked up my palmistry book. It was wide and long with a hard
cover. It was my favorite thing to roll my blunts on. As I broke the lime green
buds in-between my fingers, I knew that soon I would be in a foggy heaven, and
I wasn’t wrong. The smoke invaded my body and made its way up to my brain.
Within five minutes of my first drag, I was high. I walked over to the stereo that
was on my book case and turned on Alice Smith’s For Lover’s Dreamers and
Me. As her smooth yet deep voice swam through my apartment, I let her words
flow through my soul.
When I wake up in the morning time, I like to see you sleeping by my side. I
think about the nights we had before, want to give you this and more, let you
know I truly adore you.
Every time the first song on her CD came on, it was like I was hearing it for
the first time. The song Dream said everything that I had ever wanted to say to a
man but never did. It was also everything that I wanted to hear myself. I swayed
my way to the bathroom and let the almost too hot water run until it filled my
small tub. I slipped off the little dress that I had on and stepped into the tub. I
slowly sat down to let my body adjust to the hot water. As I relaxed, I lit the half
smoked blunt and sang along to Alice’s Woodstock. Midway through the song, I
thought I heard my cell phone ring. After trying to listen through the music, I
decided that I hadn’t heard anything after all. If it did ring, I wasn’t in the mood
to care.
After an hour of soaking and bathing, I was ready to move my one woman
party to the bedroom. I barely dried off before visiting cloud nine again. Mid-
way through my little piece of heaven, my phone rang. I thought about letting it
go to voicemail, but I didn’t want to take a chance and miss Breeze’s call.
“This better be good,” I said into the receiver. I didn’t even bother to look at
the caller ID.
“I guess my little Jezebel isn’t in a good mood today.”
My heart skipped a beat when I heard him say Jezebel. I still wasn’t used to
it but it sounded right rolling off of his lips.
“Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t think that you were going to call.”
“What are you crazy or something? How could I not call you back, you blew
my mind, Jezebel.
I wanted so badly to tell him that I felt the same way, but I didn’t have the
courage to do so.
“So you have good news for me or should I just kill myself now?” I asked
trying to lighten the mood with a little joke.
“Well, you better get your gun, rope, knife or pills ready. I’m sorry to say
that it’s not looking good.”
My mind had begun to spin. How could I not get this contract? He just told
me that I blew his mind. All of my plans to catch up on my bills and really save
some money for a rainy day went out of the window, and I wanted to jump right
after them.
“What did I do wrong? Is it something that could be fixed? I really need
money right now and I am willing to learn if you’re willing to teach.” My voice
reeked of desperation and I was too down and out to even try to hide it.
“Calm down Jazzy. I was just testing you. I was calling to tell you that you
made it. I just wanted to see how badly you wanted in, so calm down. Like I said
before, this porn thing is not for the faint of heart. I don’t want to sign you to a
deal and have you flake out on me after just the first one.”
My heart raced although I was relieved. I wanted to tell him to go fuck
himself for pulling that joke on me but I held it in instead. Now that I knew that I
had made it, I was both scared and excited. I went after this and for a change, I
got it. It was now go big, or go home.
“Look, I’m sorry for doing that to you. I shouldn’t play such games. Will
you let me make it up to you?”
“And how will you do that?” I asked pulling hard on my blunt.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“You wanna put me to work already, huh? I know that I will be making
money too but I will be working for you. That’s not quite making it up to me.”
 He chuckled; he knew that I was right.
“Who said anything about working? I wanted to know if you can come see
me. I have some things that I need you to sign.”
I was just as high as I needed to be and didn’t really feel like driving, but
knew that I needed this contract and I didn’t want to wait and have him change
his mind.
“I’ll leave now; see you in about 20 minutes,” I said as I got ready to hang
up.
“Don’t you need the address first?”
I looked at the phone thinking that this dude is slow.
“I was just at your office yesterday, remember?”
“I’m not at the office, I’m at home.”
I stayed quiet. I didn’t know what to say. Why would he want me to meet
him at his house? I thought that I would be signing my contract in a professional
setting. I was even going to ask my friend Tina to come with me. She wasn’t a
lawyer yet but she was in law school.
“Umm, I…I thought…shouldn’t I bring someone to look over the contact?”
“Look Jazzy. I know that you don’t know me well but you can trust me. My
family has been in this business for a very long time. Do you think that we could
have lasted this long if we were fucking people over?
What he said did make sense. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was having.
“Maybe we should do this some other time. Like when you’re at the office.”
I could hear the frustration in the words that he spoke next.
“Come on Jazzy. I don’t have time for this bull shit. My time is money and
your time could be worth a lot too if you jump on this opportunity. You
impressed me the other day and I am willing to sign you to a deal that does not
come along so easy. I am even going to give you a thirty-five thousand dollar
signing bonus. I am not going to beg you to take a step in the right direction. We
either do this now or the offer is off of the table.”
I knew that he meant what he said so I had no choice. Plus at that moment,
all I could think about was that thirty five g’s he just mentioned.
“Give me the address.”

*****
 Breeze’s home was in the Hollywood hills. Although I had never ventured to
this rich man’s land, I had always admired it from afar. I had dreamed of living
the lifestyle of the rich and famous for so long that it was embedded in my mind.
I started to feel really shitty once I entered Breeze’s neighborhood and realized
that there wasn’t a car that looked like mine. I admired all of the BMW’s,
Jaguar’s, Rang Rovers, and Porches that drove pass me. I hated my little
burgundy 1999 Corolla even more that day. Breeze’s house took my breath
away. I must have sat in my old car for about ten minutes just looking at it. My
car and I felt out of place in front of his massive home. The driveway alone was
bigger than my little apartment. I felt as if I was in a trance as I rung his doorbell
that seemed to play a long song. I heard what must have been two or three
monster dogs barking on the other side. I stepped back hoping that whatever it
was that was barking didn’t run out when the door opened. I saw Breeze’s head
down the stairs through the glass windows that were on the door. He told his
dogs to back off and it was as if they were never at the front door.
“What were you waiting for?”
I felt embarrassed that he had seen me just sitting in my car like a dummy.
“You weren’t doubting yourself, were you?”
“Oh, no, I was on the phone,” I lied, and we both knew it.
I followed him to the living room area and took a seat. His place was very
modern and looked sterile. There was a lot of metal and steel. It was very chic
but it wasn’t very warm or inviting.
“So how do you like the place? Tanya decorated it. It’s not really me but I
live with it.”
I couldn’t believe that crazy Russian bitch lived here. Not only was I mad
that her low class ass had the privilege to live in the Hollywood hills, but I was
also upset that he had me up in there.
“Is Tanya here right now?”
“Oh, no, she has a couple of scenes to do tonight. Don’t worry; I made sure
to keep her busy.”
He answered sensing my discomfort.
“So where’s the contract?”
I wanted to get those papers signed and out of there as soon as possible.
“Relax, there’s no rush. Let’s have some Champagne to celebrate. This is a
big deal for you.”
I wanted to say no, but once he flashed his smile, I couldn’t turn him down. I
watched him disappear into the kitchen to reappear holding a tray that held two
champagne flutes and a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon. I had always heard talk
about this drink but never had the pleasure of tasting it myself. I couldn’t take
my eyes off of his arms as he poured our drinks. The muscles that protruded
from them damn near had me wet.
“Here’s to a very interesting and profitable future together. Plus, you never
know, we may end up having more between us than just business.”
Breeze looked at me hungrily as the words left his mouth. I downed my
drink wondering if we were thinking the same thing. He refilled my glass as
soon as I emptied it. I was feeling two things at that moment. For one, I was
worried that the Amazon may show up and fuck up my night, and the other,
well, I just wanted to spend as much time in Breeze’s presence as possible. He
turned me on in the worst way. Plus he had this smooth calming aura about him.
Even when my heart was beating a million miles a minute, it was as if it was
hardly beating at all.
“So, tell me about that contract?”
I downed about four full drinks as Breeze went over the ins and outs of the
contract that I was about to sign. It sounded pretty basic to me and the money
sounded right. I would get my signing bonus and the average twenty-five
hundred dollars for a straight fuck and suck film.
“So how do you really make it big in porn? How and when do you really
start to make the big money? I read that some stars can make ten even fifteen
thousand a film.”
“Wow, you’re ready to jump in with two wet feet I see,” Breeze said with a
smile.
“Well, when I do something I try to do it to the best of my ability. I want to
be at the top no matter what I am doing. I want to be top rated and top earned.”
“You are definitely top rated baby. Your pussy alone is one of the best.”
I didn’t know how to feel about what he was saying. Sure it made me feel
good, but he was with Tanya.
“Can you pour me another glass?”
He did as I asked, then moved closer.
“Are you always this nervous and shy or is it because of me?”
“It’s both.”
He put his hands on my knee and made little circles with his fingertip.
“I have been with a lot of women, Jazzy, and none of them has had the effect
on me that you have had. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not the only one that’s has
blown my mind in bed. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have so many starlets
working for me. With you, it’s much more than a good piece of ass. It was in the
way you held me. It was in the way your body felt under and on top of me. It
was the sound of your voice, it, it was something different.”
“Maybe it was the thought of banging out a hot young Puerto Rican girl.”
The alcohol had started to take effect on me and I was ready to say and do
anything.
“I’ve had my fair share of rice and beans Jazzy. It goes beyond that.”
I let out a chuckle. His rice and beans statement although a bit racist, was a
bit funny.
“Come here Jezebel.”
“Aren’t I close enough?” I asked teasingly. He pulled me on top of him,
making me straddle him. I instantly felt his hard on. I watched him as he looked
me over, making sure not to miss a thing.
“You look like a doll,” he said more to himself then to me. He caressed my
face and let his hand glide down to my shoulders. I could tell that he was fixated
on my golden brown hue.
“It’s as if your skin is glowing.”
His hands were now running up and down my arms. It was so soothing that
in my tipsy and somewhat still high state, I just wanted to rest in his arms and
fall asleep to that same feeling.
“You know, my mother used my golden brown skin to belittle me. She hated
the fact that I didn’t inherit her clear pale skin. When she drank, she would stand
in the door of my bedroom and stay there for at least an hour. She would scream
and tell me that I was the same color as the mud pies she made in Puerto Rico as
a child. She would say that I was just a piece of shit like my father. She even
gave me a nickname; it was Poopie. She called me that until the day I left her
house.”
I bared my soul to him as I buried my head in his chest. I was ashamed of my
past but felt safe telling him all about it. It was the first time that I ever spoke
about it at all.
“How could someone put you down for something so beautiful? Your skin is
almost like gold. It's so tan, so shiny, so perfect. And your hair, I love that it’s so
full, so curly.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed tight. No man had ever
gone over my looks with such a fine tooth comb. I wanted to hear more, I
wanted him to tell me everything that he had noticed and liked about me. He
gently pushed me off his chest and looked at my face. I closed my eyes and took
in his every word.
“Everything about you is right. From your small frame to you bubble butt.”
I smiled at that one.
“Open your eyes Jazzy. They are what first caught my attention.”
I looked at him, trying to find the lies in his words. I have heard a lot in my
nineteen years on this earth, and I was never told that my eyes are what a man
noticed when he first met me. He must have seen the disbelief in them and had
to smile.”
“I know that it sounds like bullshit, but it’s true. When I saw you, all I could
see were your eyes. They were secretive, mischievous, and lonely. They were
also soft, needy, and well, beautiful. I even had to take a second look when I saw
your lashes. I don’t want to tell you how much money the girls spend on trying
to get lashes like yours.”
That man blew my mind right then and there. I was already hooked on his
dick, but when he told me that he had even noticed my lashes, I know it’s silly to
say but I fell in love. My daddy was the only other man that ever said anything
about them.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay right there in his arms and lay my soul on
the line. I wanted him to know all of me and love me. I wanted him to tell me
that I didn’t have to become a porn star. He was supposed to tell me that he
loved and wanted to take care of me. But I didn’t hear those words that night. I
just felt his lips on top of mines. I felt his right hand grip my breast and the other
gripping my ass.
“You wanna try something new?” Breeze asked me between our kissing, I
shook my head yes and kissed him again. He held on to each one of my legs and
stood up with them around his waist. He walked me to the even colder, almost
all steel kitchen and laid me on the counter.
“Stay right there Jazzy, I’m about to make you both hot and cold baby.”
He walked to the glass door freezer and took out a hand full of ice. He tossed
them the round shaped cubes on the counter beside me and slide his cold hand
down my chest. I got the shivers from both his cold hand and his touch.
“Can I take off all of your clothes?”
“Of course you can, but you won’t have much to take off, I don’t have on
any panties.”
It wasn’t intentional. When he called me, I was just sprawled out on my bed,
puffing on my weed. When I sprang into action, the only thing I did was put
lotion and perfume on. I slipped on a pair of short shorts and a tiny top, not even
thinking of an under garment.
“You nasty little bitch, you came here ready to fuck, didn’t you?”
“To tell you the truth, I’ve been thinking about what you did to me all day
long. I woke up wet from even dreaming about it.”
By the time his hand had reached between my legs, they were shaking. He
slipped his middle finger inside of me while rubbing my clit at the same time. I
watched him pick an ice cube and put it in his mouth before letting my eyes roll
back in my head. I felt both coldness and the warmth of his mouth on my
nipples. The melted water dripped upwards, downwards, and all around. I loved
everything he was doing to me but I wanted more. I wanted some of that famous
head. I wanted that big hard dick rammed inside of me. I wanted to cum on it
while he told me how good it felt. When he finally hit my clit, it was heaven all
over again. The same feelings took over my body, including new ones. The
feeling of his warm tongue and the freezing ice made for an interesting
explosion. I watched his head bob up and down as he fucked me with his tongue
and wondered how many of the women at his company have had this pleasure.
Was I really something special or was I just new? Did he see something different
in me or was the fresh meat too hard to pass up? I was about to promise myself
to ask him those questions but something made me lose my train of thought. My
body instantly got stiff. I couldn’t move nor breathe. The feeling was too strong
to do either. What the fuck was he doing? This was new, too new, and too weird
for me. I always thought that this was too nasty. I never, ever, wanted to have
this done to me. How could he bring himself to do this? A million thoughts ran
through my mind. But stopping him was not one of them. I felt his tongue glide
across my asshole and my mind was blown. I squirmed so much that I damn near
fell off of the counter.
“Calm down Jazzy. It will feel better if you just relax.”
And how in the fuck was I supposed to do that? His tongue was going from
my pussy and back to my ass again and he wanted me to relax? I couldn’t. Even
with it feeling good, it still tickled.
“I’ve got something for your ass.”
When he said that, I hoped that he didn’t mean it literally.
“I know what you want. You’re just like all of the other little bitches that get
a taste of Breeze. You want this dick don’t you? Yeah that’s what you want.”
He made my body beg for his meat. I tried to push my pussy into it but all he
did was rub it on my clit.
“Yeah, get that pussy real nice and wet for me Jazzy. Let that pussy show me
how bad you want it.”
My body shook violently as I came closer and closer to cumming.
“No not yet, you greedy little bitch. You have to work for your prize.”
I had enough of his games. I wasn’t in the business of begging for shit.
I sat up and looked down at his rock hard, juicy manhood. It was tan just like
the rest of him with hardly any hair. He was a well groomed god and I wanted to
worship at his feet. I slide off of the counter and grabbed a handful of his dick. I
could barely wrap my hands around it as I used it for leverage to get on my
knees.
“Do you know what you’re doing Jazzy? I’m not in the mood for no wack
ass head.”
When I looked up, he had a full smile on his face. He thought that he was
being funny but I took it as a challenge. This wasn’t the first time that I was
going to go to work on a man’s dick, but it was going to be the first time that I
was going to put my all into it and like it.
“Well, get ready baby, this is going to be a rare ride for the both of us.”
I wrapped my lips around his shaft, and felt the head of his magical wand
forcing its way down my throat. I wanted to gag but I fought it and held it in. I
worked that piece of meat like nobody’s business. I worked from his stomach to
the head and back down again. I made my lips and mouth turn into a vacuum
that was trying to suck the life out of him. I watched as his eyes closed and his
knees damn near buckled. He put his hands behind him and held on to the
counter for dear life. I made loud sleeping noises as I sucked the head and
worked the rest of him with my hand.
“God damn, Jazzy, wait a second, hold up, stop.”
I ignored his pleads as I shoved all of him in my mouth and reached down
and massaged his balls.
“I said stop it, shit.”
Breeze pushed me away with force making me fall back. He caught his
breath before apologizing for his actions.
“It’s just that I didn’t want to blow my load without getting in that pussy
Jazzy.”
I smiled. At least I knew that I had gotten to him.
“Come here and let me make it up to you.”
He stood me up and leaned me against the very same counter that he was
holding onto. I lowered my back and spread my legs so that he could get in
good. I could feel his hand between my legs rubbing on my sweet spot.
 “That’s right baby, I see you listened. You’re nice and wet for daddy.”
“Well, stop playing around and fuck me.”
He slid into me with the same force that my words had. I let out a loud moan
for it was both good and painful at the same time. He drove me as if I was the
car of his dreams. He held onto my waist and put all of himself inside of me with
each stroke, and I didn’t deny him entry.
“Yes, baby, get it; get all of it. Fuck me right, Breeze, make me cum.”
“Hold on tight, Jazzy, I’m going to put your legs up.”
I was ready for it all, so I did as I was told. This man lifted me up and made
me wrap my legs around his waist backward. There was nothing between us but
dick and pussy, and within five minutes, we were both on our way to cumming.
“Jazzy, baby, I’m about to cum. Cum with me baby; cum with me.”
He leaned on my back as we performed the Cum Goddess dance.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?”
We were so caught up in the moment that we never saw Tanya standing in
the door way. We looked over to where the voice was coming from but could not
stop our performance. It was as if her presence added fuel to the fire. We went at
it faster and moaned out even louder. It was like watching Animal Kingdom,
there was no stopping us.
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU’RE JUST GOING TO KEEP
FUCKING HER? YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DEAD.”
As she spoke, we both released the passion that had built up inside of us. We
came while never taking our eyes off of her. By the time she charged us with a
knife she had taken out of the drawer, we were both ready.
“Calm the fuck down Tanya. You weren’t supposed to be here,” Breeze said
as he disarmed the crazy bitch. I just wanted to find my clothes and get out of
there. I had a good time but I wasn’t trying to end up on the eleven o’clock
news.
“YOU FUCK THAT LITTLE BITCH IN THE HOUSE THAT WE LIVE
IN? HOW COULD YOU? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MAN BREEZE.
WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHARE OURSELVES UNLESS IT’S
BUSINESS, YOU KNOW THAT.”
“Umm, I’m gonna go. We can do the contract thing another time, like maybe
at your office,” I said this with a smile. I knew that I shouldn’t have come to his
house and I wanted to let him know that I was right.
“YOUR GONNA SIGN THAT CUNT? I TOLD YOU THAT I DIDN’T
LIKE HER BREEZE. YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T WANT HER ON OUR
TEAM.”
“First off, Tanya, we don’t have a team. That business is for my father and
me. I can’t pass up a good thing because of your feelings. I am going to sign her
and she is going to be a star, trust me, I know.”
Watching these two was like watching both a horror movie and a drama. I
wanted to leave but I couldn’t pull myself away.
“Don’t go anywhere Jazzy. You came here to sign your contract and I don’t
want you leaving without doing so. I even made out your check already.”
When he spoke, he looked at Tanya. It was as if he challenged her to try to
change his mind, but she knew better. She lived with him for long enough to
know not to fuck with his money.
“FINE, DO AS YOU LIKE, BUT IF THAT BITCH COMES ANYWHERE
NEAR ME I AM GOING TO RIP HER FUCKING THROAT OUT.”
I don’t know if it was her accent or the cold crazy stare that she gave me, but
I got the chills. I knew that she meant what she said and I planned on staying out
of her way.
“Come here Jazzy. This is what you came here for. Sign this contract and
become a star.”
I took the pen from Breeze and without a second thought, I signed on the
dotted line. He handed me my check and hugged me tightly.
“Welcome to Fantasy Pictures. May all your dreams come true.”

As I drove home, I wondered if Breeze knew that he had now become part of
my many dreams. I wanted stardom, money, happiness, and now, I wanted
Breeze. And if all of my dreams come true, I would have all of those things
within a year. The next day I woke up and went straight to the bank. After
depositing my check, I paid off all of my unpaid bills; dropped six months of
future rent to my landlord and put a down payment on a new Lexus. I prayed
that things would only go up from here, and they did, for a while.
 Chapter 4

“Breeze, this is Tyree, Tyree…Breeze.”

The next morning I woke up earlier than I normally would have. I think it
was because I was anxious. I had that feeling you get on the first day of school,
except that time it felt like I already had uncompleted homework which was
trying to figure out how the hell I was going to tell Tyree he’s actually
auditioning for porn. I remember feeling scared that he would feel deceived. I
kept thinking what if he cussed me out, and hated me afterwards? I decided to go
for a run to clear my head, because I knew there wasn’t anything I could do
except wait and see what happened. When I got back Ebony was up and cooking
breakfast.
“Good morning Sunshine! You’re up early!” she stated.
“Good morning! I had a rough night, and couldn’t sleep.”
“Are you hungry? There’s enough for the both of us.”
“Sure, but I’m going to jump in the shower first.”
I took a quick shower before joining Ebony at the dining room table. She
made some delicious blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, and crispy bacon, all
of my favorites.
“Thanks for cooking breakfast.”
“No problem babe. I don’t get to cook for you that often. You’re so lucky
because you normally get to sleep in. I have to wake up early as fuck to go work
in that boring ass dental office.”
“I know, right.”
“So tell me what’s on your mind boy? Why couldn’t you sleep last night?”
“You remember that guy you warned me about at Shadows?”
“Yeah, the lame broke one that you wasted your time giving your number to.
What about him?”
She didn’t have to point out that he was broke, but at least she remembered
him.
“I’m picking him up today, and hopefully convincing him to sign with
Fantasy Pictures.”
“Shut the hell up Jamar. It is too damn early to be fucking with me.”
“I’m not messing with you, I’m serious.”
“You mean to tell me that motherfucka is gay? Is he on the down low, or
something? Damn, nowadays you can’t tell who is gay. I learn a lot living with
you.”
“Well, not exactly, I mean I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean you’re not sure? Please don’t tell me he doesn’t know
where you’re taking him, because I’m a fall out of this chair.”
“He knows I’m taking him to an interview, but he thinks he’s getting hired as
a model.”
Ebony started laughing so hard that she had to get up, run around the living
room, and then regain her composure before coming back to the table. All I
could do was smile and laugh at her crazy ass.
“Damn, I wish I didn’t have to work today so I could go with you. I want to
be there to see this. You know he’s going to kick your ass, right? Jamar, you
can’t just set him up like that.”
“Whatever! We’ll be fighting on the set then, because I like him and all but
I’m not letting him whip my ass; unless he’s hitting it from the back.”
“Boy, you are stupid.” She laughed, and then stopped. “On the real though
he better not start some shit. If he does, call me and I’ll leave work and we’ll
jump that ass. I got my knife in the car.”
“Girl, you are so crazy. Trust me it’s not that deep. If he’s not interested then
that’s all he has to say. It’s not like I’m forcing him to do something he doesn’t
want to do.”
“YET!” Ebony shouted as she entered the kitchen.
I just smiled, and continued to eat my food. After I ate, I cleaned up, washed
dishes, walked Ebony to the door as she left for work, checked my e-mail, and
then watched some television. Around ten, I rinsed off again, and prepared
myself to be penetrated so I was fresh and clean in case I was successful with
Tyree. Finally, it was time to get dressed. I always like to look good no matter
where I’m going, so that day I wore some nice fitted light blue denim jeans, a
fresh white tee, with a black buttoned up shirt, with a cute pair of casual shoes
all made by Versace. I knew I looked hot, but then again I’ve always looked
good. I look like a younger version of my father, except I’m taller. I’m 6’0, with
a slim muscular body, sexy brown eyes, with a smooth chocolate complexion,
and I always keep my hair cut close.
By the time I left out the house, and made it to the bar, I was a little late.
When I pulled into the parking lot, Tyree was leaning up against the building
talking on his cell phone. I parked right in front of him so I could smile and nod.
He nodded back and I could tell by the expression on his face that he was
impressed.
“Well hello Tyree, it’s nice to see you again,” I said as he got in my SUV.
“Thanks! I appreciate this,” he said as he closed his phone.
“No problem. You didn’t have to get off the phone, you know. Were you on
an important call?” I was trying to be nosey, and curious to know who he was
talking to.
“No, I was just on the line.”
“The line?” I had no idea what that meant.
“I can’t believe you’ve never heard about it. It’s a chat line where you can
talk and meet people. Almost like a chat room, but instead of sending instant
messages to people, you send them voice messages.”
“Oh, ok. Did you meet anyone interesting?”
“No, it’s just a bunch of money hungry whores out here.”
I laughed then wondered if he would think I was a whore if he knew what I
did for a living.
“That may be true but whores need money too.”
“I guess. This job must pay well since you’re driving around in a Range
Rover.”
“Trust me, it does.”
“Well, I wanna be like you when I grow up.”
“You will if you can take it,” I said then quietly chuckled, because I pictured
this straight looking guy taking some dick.
“Take what?” he asked liked he was confused.
For a second I thought he got the joke, so I felt nervous.
“The job,” I replied as if it was obvious that was what I meant.
There was this awkward silence for a while, but I think it was just my
awkwardness toward the whole situation. I found myself driving slower than I
normally do. I guess I was trying to delay the inevitable. It didn’t matter how
fast I drove though, we were definitely going to be on time if not early. Tyree
finally broke the silence by asking, “So are you from here?” I told him I was
from Washington, DC, but I was raised in Silver Spring, MD. It’s easier just to
say DC instead of having to go into more details. He wanted to know how I
ended up in Los Angeles. I somewhat told the truth, which was I came across
this website; I noticed that they were looking for new models, I sent them a few
pictures, and then I received an invitation to come out for an interview. After the
interview, I loved the offer, and I loved L.A. so I stayed. Okay so I left out the
part that it was my favorite porn site, and the more I watched and fantasized
about the men on there, I started thinking I had what it took to be like them. At
first, I just wanted to see if they liked my pictures, and wondered what they
would say about me. After I got the invite, and read online that they paid lots of
money I was intrigued. I became obsessed with the thought that now I could be
the one that men were watching and fantasizing about.
After we arrived, I didn’t see Breeze’s black Porsche anywhere in the
parking lot, so I knew we had some time to spare. I drove around the building
and parked, but I left the truck running. I wanted to relax, and at the same time
try to loosen Tyree up a little. I reached for my gym bag, which was on the back
seat pulling it forward just enough so I could unzip it. I grabbed the lighter and
one of my already rolled up blunts out of the side pocket. After I asked and he
said, “Go ahead. I don’t mind.” I rolled down the windows, and lit up. After I
took a few hits, I reached over to hand it to him.
“I’m good man. I don’t want to smoke, and mess up this opportunity. What if
they take pictures? I don’t want to look high and fucked up.”
I took another long pull then replied. “Here just take it. Relax, and don’t
worry about looking high. Trust me Breeze won’t mind at all. He would actually
encourage it.”
Now he looked at ease. I smiled as he grabbed the blunt from me. I watched
him inhale the good green that I was providing. At that moment, I realized he
looked even better then I remembered. I sat there imagining myself leaning over,
and kissing him but all I could do was look and enjoy the view. After he took a
couple of hits, he passed it back to me, and then he leaned back in his seat with
his eyes closed. I wanted to get him as high as possible, so I took one good hit
each time before passing it back so he’d smoke most of it. After we finished I
drove back around to the front of the building, parked, then told him to follow
me. By this time Breeze had arrived, and was in his office looking up something
on his computer. I knocked on the opened door. Breeze looked up and smiled.
“Can we come in?” I asked.
“Yes, of course Jamar.”
“So Jamar is one of your other names, huh?” Tyree asked.
 I had to laugh because I forgot Tyree only knew me as Krave.
“Jamar is my real name. Krave is my stage name.”
“Stage name?” Tyree asked.
I didn’t quite know how to respond without letting the cat out of the bag. I
think Breeze could tell by the look on my face, so he took over.
“I see Jamar hasn’t explained everything to you, but don’t worry by the end
of today I’m sure you’ll know everything you need to know.”
I thought that sounded a little suspicious as well, and I felt a little rude for
not introducing them so I jumped back in the conversation.
“Breeze, this is Tyree, Tyree…Breeze.”
Breeze stood up, and shook Tyree’s hand.
“Thanks for meeting with me, and for giving me this chance,” Tyree said.
“No, thank you for coming, I hope you feel comfortable here and that
everything works out. Hopefully we can help each other make some serious
money.”
“Sounds good, but I have to warn you I don’t have a portfolio, or any
previous experience as a model.”
Breeze and I both laughed but I could tell Tyree felt uncomfortable so I
stopped.
“That’s not a problem. I need to send this e-mail, then I’ll show you around,
and we’ll get started.”
I felt the sweat start to roll down my forehead, so I excused myself, and went
to the bathroom. I splashed my face with some cool water, and thought fuck it. I
dried my face off then headed back to Breeze’s office. I could see Domingo, one
of the other actors, walking toward me. He looked like he was leaving. There’s
been this weird tension between us ever since I started, especially since I was
starting to steal the spot light away from him. We acknowledged each other, and
I was going to keep walking but he stopped me. He wanted it to be known that
after seeing Tyree he was disappointed I was going to be the one to turn him out.
“Don’t be jealous, Domingo. It isn’t that serious.”
“You know I’m the one who tests all the men out, Jamar. I don’t understand
why you would go after my job like that.”
“I’m not trying to take your job. I get it, you’re just like a prison rapist, you
like to fuck all the fresh meat that walks up in here, and that’s fine. I just really
like this one, and I found him so I asked to test him out. Besides Domingo, he
may not even go through with this, but if he does I’m sure it should be with
someone less manly. You’re too big, and muscular. You’d scare him away, and
he’d run out of here.”
“Go to hell!”
“I’m sure I’ll see you there.”
He pissed me off to the point that I almost forgot what I was there for, until
he turned around and walked away. I finally made it back to Breeze’s office, but
they weren’t in there. I knew they wouldn’t be in the locker rooms, so the only
other place they could be was in the warehouse, so that’s where I headed to next.
As soon as I walked out there, I heard Breeze telling Tyree, “You’re doing great.
This time I want you to look into the camera like you’re trying to seduce
someone.” I walked over to the set that they were on, and saw Breeze sitting off
to the side behind the computer looking at the pictures Derek, one of the
photographers took. I walked over and stood behind Breeze so I could look over
his shoulder. The pictures were looking better than I imagined. Tyree was
definitely photogenic, and he looked comfortable behind the camera. That was
until Breeze told him to take off his clothes.
“You want me to get undressed right now, in front of four other men?”
“Don’t be shy Tyree. In this business, you’ll have to be naked in front of a
lot of people. Derek needs to take some more pictures, and then Rob will take
some video so we can see if you look good on film. Your pictures are turning out
great. If it will help just take off your shirt for now, and we’ll go from there.”
Tyree took his shirt off and instantly my dick was hard. His body looked so
good. I started licking my lips as dirty thoughts played out in my mind. A few
pictures later he had his belt unbuckled, his pants unbuttoned, and unzipped
teasing me only showing the top half of his boxers.
“Okay, now take off the rest. We need some pictures of you while you’re
soft, and were going to need some while you’re hard.” Breeze directed.
“SAY WHAT?” Tyree asked.
“What did you expect? Consumers aren’t going to pay just to see a soft dick.
They want to see the goods,” Breeze replied.
“I’ll try but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get hard.”
“Try your best, close your eyes and think about some of the best sex that
you’ve ever had. If that doesn’t work we’ll try something else.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off of Tyree. I watched him slowly strip. It looked
like he was still debating if he should proceed, but he got completely nude. I
don’t know if I was just too into him then but I couldn’t find a flaw on his body,
he even had some sexy ass feet. I couldn’t tell what he was working with since
he was soft, but he was definitely working with something, and I couldn’t wait to
join him on the set. He almost looked ashamed, because he would look up for a
picture but for the most part he kept his head down.
“Okay, Tyree. I know you’re feeling a little uncomfortable because it’s
starting to show in the pictures. Just pretend like we’re not here and give us
some poses like you know you’re sexy.”
“I am sexy.”
“Okay, that’s what I want to hear. Now, show us that on film.”
Tyree looked like he was starting to relax because he was getting into it. He
even started to ask if he could pose in certain positions. Breeze let him do
whatever he felt comfortable doing. I never looked to see how the nude photos
were turning out because I liked the visual that was in front of me, but Breeze
kept making great comments about them. I just knew Tyree was going to resist
again when Breeze asked him to try to get his dick hard, but he closed his eyes,
and started playing with his dick. It didn’t take long before his soft dick grew to
be over eleven inches long, and it had to be at least six inches thick. I’ve seen
some big dicks working here, but none of them were as long and thick as
Tyree’s. I can’t say when I saw Tyree at Shadows for the first time that it was
love at first sight, but when I saw his rock hard dick I fell and I fell hard. Derek
took about 20 to thirty more pictures before Breeze looked at me and told me it
was time. I knew what that meant, so I walked to the locker room, undressed,
grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. When I got back to the set I
could see Tyree smiling and enjoying himself. I slowly walked up next to him,
and I’ll never forget the expression on his face when he noticed me. First, he
looked at me as if I was crazy, and then he had the you-better-step-the-fuck-back
look on his face.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
I looked at Breeze and made a face to let him know that he could answer that
one since after all he was in charge.
“Rob, stop recording.” Breeze gave the camera man a second to hit the pause
button on his camera. “Okay, let’s stop putting up these facades, and cut to the
chase. Tyree, Fantasy Pictures actually produces adult films. All of our models
are featured in them. All of the money I said you could make wasn’t a lie, but
you basically have to fuck on film to make it. Just from looking at what we have
here so far I can tell you’d be perfect for the job. If you decide to proceed and do
a sex scene today I’ll give you three thousand dollars, and if the footage is as
good as I think it will be I can present you with a contract stating you will make
an additional 20 thousand to do five more films. If those films do well then we
would present you with a new contract. If you feel like this is something you
absolutely don’t want to be a part of then I can only give you five hundred
dollars for the pictures, and for your time. If you need to take a moment to think
about it, then please do so.”
“This is some crazy shit. Let me get this straight you want to record me and
Jamar running a train on some bitch? I can’t believe this.” He paused before
saying “Well, who is she, and where is she at?”
I could tell he was frustrated but at the same time curious to see who Breeze
wanted him to fuck. I decided to finally come clean.
“There’s no female involved. He wants to record us in a scene together.”
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I ain’t gay. Damn,
you lied and knew about this all along didn’t you? I knew you were fruity, but I
thought you could help me get a job. If there was a fine ass female in front of me
right now then maybe we could work something out, otherwise there’s no deal.”
“I’m sorry Tyree, but technically I never lied to you. I said there was
modeling, acting, and nudity involved. That’s exactly what this is. I thought
maybe if you were here, and talked to Breeze you would be interested, especially
since you need the money.” I felt bad that he was upset, but I wanted to remind
him that he was broke.
“Tyree, I understand where you’re coming from, but I have more than
enough straight actors. Besides the men who star in our straight films don’t make
that much money, because they are considered props. Our straight consumers are
paying to see beautiful women, not the men who are fucking them. I need men
for our gay films, so the choice is yours,” Breeze stated.
Tyree laughed, put his hands on his head, and then squeezed his fists like he
wanted to punch me before he started picking up his clothes. He looked at me
and shook his head as if he was disappointed in me. I just looked at Breeze and
then put my head down.
“Can I get that 500 dollars so I can get the hell out of here?” Tyree asked.
“Tyree, I know you’re upset, but you could make a lot of money. I’m talking
thousands and thousands of dollars just by doing something that feels good. I
don’t normally do this, but I have a feeling about you so I’m willing to give you
an additional two thousand right now, but it will have to be one hell of a scene.
That’s the best I can do. I’m a busy man and I don’t have a lot of time to waste. I
have tons of e-mails to go through with men dying to be in your position so I
really think you should consider my offer. You won’t get this chance again, and
I guarantee you won’t make this type of money anywhere else.”
 “I understand and I’m not trying to waste your time. I mean I really need this
money, but I love women. I can’t see myself kissing another man, or letting
some dude fuck me. Not only that, but what if someone I know finds out, I
wouldn’t even be able to deny it because it’s on film.”
Breeze interrupted him.
“How about I make you a few drinks and let you think about it for a little
while longer before you make up your mind.”
“I can’t believe I’m about to pass up all that money so yeah I could use a
drink, but I’ll fix it myself.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ll be right back,” Breeze said as he started to walk
away then stopped. “And by the way, Tyree, you don’t have to kiss anyone, or
get fucked today.”
Breeze walked off the set so I followed him because I had a suggestion. It
looked like he was heading to his office when I stopped him.
“Breeze, hold up I need to talk to you.”
Breeze jumped like he was just caught doing something he shouldn’t be
doing, and then turned around and looked surprised to see me following him.
“What is it Jamar?” He sounded frustrated since I obviously just interrupted
his thoughts.
“I don’t think he’s biting so I have a suggestion.”
“I’m listening.”
“Offer him some more money. Tell him you’ll give him a signing bonus or
something.”
“Jamar, I’m going to tell you something, and if you repeat it I will deny it
and you’ll be on my shit list. My father and I only give signing bonuses to
woman who should really be super models, or A-list actresses. If we think she’s
not trying to be on board we’ll offer her a lot of money upfront. The reason
being is we know she will make us millions. Now men on the other hand, sure
they will definitely make us money, but men are horny bastards and love to fuck.
Why should we just give away money when so many men want to be in this
business? We only give referral bonuses to men if they refer someone who signs
a contract with us. With that said I’m not offering him anymore money. His
pictures are great, he looks good on film, and if he can perform I’d love to hire
him but I’m not going to be here all day trying to persuade him.”
“What if I pay him some more money to do it?”
“Wow, Jamar, I’m speechless. I’ve been in this business a long time and I’ve
never had any of my actors or actresses offer to pay anyone to be in a film. This
is definitely a first. How much are you willing to pay for some sex from Tyree,
you trick?” he asked and then laughed. I knew he was joking, but I didn’t even
think about it like that. In my mind, I was just trying to get Tyree in the business.
I didn’t realize that in a way I was trying to pay for sex. I was going to offer
more but I started to feel lame.
“I’ll give him three thousand dollars out of my own money, but I don’t want
him to know it’s coming from me.”
“I like you Jamar, and I’m really enjoying doing business with you. I’m not
going to offer it to him right away, but as a last resort effort I will. Now go back
out there and check on him. I’m going to get some stuff out of my office.”
I went back in the warehouse and noticed Rob and Derek talking off to the
side, and I saw Tyree pacing around the stage shaking his head as if he was
debating rather he should do it or not. I’m not a punk but I felt so bad that I
wished we weren’t alone at that moment. I also felt uncomfortable seeing that I
was still in just a towel, hey at least I wasn’t hard anymore.
“Are you okay?” I asked
“What do you think?”
“I can’t say I know what’s going through your mind right now, because I
don’t. I came here with the intentions of becoming a porn star. I will say this
though, I love it, and because of porn, I’m living the life. I’m traveling to places
I never thought I would, my Range Rover is paid for, my condo is paid for, I got
money in the bank, I can buy anything I want, and I can do anything I want
without having to worry about money. I know you’re going through a lot right
now, and down on your luck but all of that can change. You can have all of this
and more, but you’re gonna have to be a gay for pay actor.”
“I just don’t know if I can do it.”
At that point, Breeze walked back in with two glasses filled with ice, a half
filled bottle of Grey Goose vodka, and two Red Bulls. He said the Red Bulls
gave it flavor, which it did. He also suggested that I have a drink as well. I let
Tyree mix his first and then I followed. We both sat there enjoying our drinks
quietly while Breeze looked over the photos again to see which ones he would
use to promote Tyree. I’m not a lush so I was feeling tipsy by the time I finished
my drink. Tyree decided to have another even though he looked like he was
feeling good as well. I kept staring at Tyree and became hard, and there was no
hiding it. My dick was starting to come out of the towel, so I had to keep
adjusting myself. Breeze came back over and told Tyree that he had some
business to attend to a little later and needed to wrap things up. He pulled out
five thousand dollars and placed in on the table in front of Tyree. He informed
him that if he didn’t want a contract he didn’t have to sign one, but if he wanted
the money he had to do at least one sex scene that may or may not ever get used,
or seen by anyone. After a brief moment Tyree asked, “So you’re saying there’s
a chance no one will see this, and I don’t have to kiss him, or get fucked?
“That’s correct! So what’s it going to be?” Breeze replied.
“FUCK!!!!” Tyree yelled out at loud as he could which caused his voice to
echo throughout the warehouse. He put his head down, and then he looked back
up at Breeze.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go
through with it, but if I don’t do it I’ll have to use the money I have left to fly
back home tomorrow, or I’m going to be out on the streets. I don’t have anyone
here to depend on. To be honest I really don’t have anything back in Detroit
either except drama, and a father who is a police officer that’s ashamed of me
because of my past, so I need that money.” He put his head back down again and
said, “Fuck it, tell me what to do.”
 Chapter 5

“I didn’t ask you to be my personal shopper.”

“I don’t want to dye my hair Breeze. I have had it this way since high school
and it works for me.”
This was my first time seeing Breeze since our sexcapade back at his house
and I wasn’t too happy. We had talked the whole week and he tried desperately
to make me understand why I had to change the way I looked.
“You could stay the same if we were going to market you as the girl next
door but that’s not who you really are. You are a sex kitten who has just found
her wild side.”
“So are you saying that I’m not sexy or interesting this way? It turned you
on, didn’t it?”
I was offended. It’s never easy hearing that you are not good enough the way
you are.
“If it was up to me, I would leave you like you are now, but we are selling
sex and the bedroom fantasies of our fans. You are not a housewife who just has
to worry about turning her husband on; you are turning on and fucking the
whole world. You have to fulfill their sexual appetites.”
We went back and forth on the issue all week and it still wasn’t resolved. I
wasn’t going to change my mind about it, even though I did give in a little.
“You’re at the best salon in LA. Just sit back and let them work their magic.
I guarantee you that you will love the end results.”
I gritted my teeth hoping that “go fuck yourself” didn’t come flying out. I
was pissed that I was deemed by him as unsellable the way I was, but there
wasn’t much I could do. I had signed my life away and now I just had to grin
and endure it.
Seven hours, a bleach and dye job later, my dark brown hair was parted
down the middle and platinum blonde. I could see it hanging down on my
shoulders as the gay white hair stylist cut it in layers. I dreaded the moment he
would turn me around. I didn’t want to see the porn monster that I had become.
And as the make-up artist went to work on my face, I flashed back to my mother.
I remember her sitting in the styling chair at the studio where her show used to
be filmed. I thought that she was the biggest star on earth. People jumped to
attention whenever she was around and treated her as if she were a queen on the
throne. When they were done, I would walk over to her and ask if she was still
my mommy because she looked so different.
“Oh, honey, what’s on the outside doesn’t change your heart or who you
are. I will be your mother no matter how different I look on the outside. My heart
will always belong to you, now breeze mommy’s face with two sweet kisses.”
She would say as I air kissed each side of her face. Once she was done, she
would give herself one last look, and then blow a kiss to herself in the mirror.
When she walked on the set, she represented a sex filled goddess. When her
scene was done, it was as if all of the men’s eyes were on her. She had a way of
walking that my father used to say stopped traffic. I embedded that walk and her
style in my mind, and the more I thought about it, I realized that, that was the
persona that I was going to try to take on. Although I didn’t think that her words
were true, I knew that the lust that men had for her was undeniably true. I may
have ignored it in my regular life, but I knew that it would help me in the adult
movie world.
“Wait, don’t turn her around yet. I want her to put these on first.”
Breeze handed me a bag that was filled with what looked like stripper
clothes and shoes. I must have looked at the bag funny because he felt that he
had to convince me.
“Don’t give me shit about this too. I got them from a high end store named
The Kitty’s Kat. It caters to the stylish porn stars and stripper.”
“I didn’t say that I wasn’t going to put them on, it’s just that---.”
“It’s just what? This is what you’re going to wear most of the time when
you’re working anyway. Look, I didn’t have to do this. I have gone out of my
way for you and I expect you to appreciate it.”
For the first time since meeting him, I could see the frustration in his eyes.
He was going out of his way for me and I was acting childish. In a way, he was
right. We all do change for our jobs in some way shape or form. We never are
who we really are at work.
“That fire engine red with the side cut outs will look banging on you now
that your hair is platinum blonde. When you come out I’ll have Charlie change
your lipstick to match,” said the hair stylist.
I didn’t put up much of a fight from then on. I just got up and went into the
bathroom to change. Breeze even got me a G-string so that I didn’t have a panty
line, not that there was much room for anything else. After I came out Charlie
removed and applied my new lip color and I was ready for the big reveal. I
closed my eyes as I awaited the okay from Breeze to look.
“Go ahead and take a look Jazzy. You are stunning.”
I slowly opened my eyes and damn near fell out. Who was this person that I
was looking at? She looked nothing like the old me. It was as if my eyes were
playing tricks on me. I looked at myself and I looked good. I couldn’t keep my
eyes off of myself. It was like night and day.
“You look great, baby, all you’re missing is this,” he said as he wrapped a
three carat diamond necklace that had round stones from one end to the other.
“Oh, my God Breeze, it’s so pretty and sparkly,” I said as the chain
mesmerized me. All of the good jewelry I owned was the stuff I had gotten from
my mother as a child. That’s one thing that the alcohol never took from her. She
always had a good eye when it came to jewelry. To this day, she has at least
three jewelry boxes filled with only the best of jewels.
“Damn, Jazzy, if I knew you were going to be this happy with just the
necklace, I wouldn’t have gotten you the rest.”
Breeze then pulled out and opened a jewelry box that held the matching ring,
earrings, and bracelet to the necklace that he had just given me.
“Are you fucking with me or are these things really mine?” Everything just
seemed too good to be true.
“Wait, this is not coming out of my future pay is it?” I had heard stories
before. There were plenty of people in the music biz that were handed what they
thought were gifts only to find out that they would end up having to pay for
these items.
“I wasn’t going to say anything but since you asked, yeah, they will come
out of future earnings.”
“Take it back. I didn’t ask you to be my personal shopper,” I said, hurt and
pissed. Here I was thinking that he had brought me a gift because he liked me.
Boy, did I feel dumb, and the expression on everyone’s face had let me know
that I wasn’t too far from it.
“Calm down, girl, it was just a joke. Nothing will be taken out of your future
royalties. I just wanted to give you a little gift.”
The sad part about that day is that he really was going to make me pay for it
if I didn’t throw such a fit. I let him put everything back on me and continued to
look at myself.
“Are you happy that I made you do this?”
“It’s so different; I’m going to have to get used to it, but, yes, I like it.”
“What are you doing tonight, feel like hanging out?”
I had to think about it. If Tanya got wind of Breeze and I living it up on the
town, I’m sure both of us would have hell to pay, and I have never really been a
home wrecker. But those two things were my only roadblocks. When I stood
there and weighed my options, the good things that would come out of getting
closer to Breeze outweighed the bad.
“So what’s on the agenda?”
A smile like no other spread across his face. He was sure that I was going to
turn him down, but I loved what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I wanted
to show myself off.
“First, we’ll go to dinner at a sexy new spot that I just found and then, well
let’s just play it by ear.”
That was fine with me. He hadn’t given me any reasons to distrust him so I
was ready for whatever.
I felt like the super star that I came out to L.A. to be when we pulled up to
the restaurant. Breeze seemed to know everyone and they all seemed to have
tons of respect for him.
“Damn, Breezy, you always have something sexy on your arm. I can’t wait
to see what this one can do. When’s her movie coming out?”
I had to remind myself that because I was with him and dressed like a
stripper, people would know what I was. It felt strange, disgusting, and excited
all at once. I looked around and noticed a lot of eyes on me. I tugged at my dress
and couldn’t stop. Maybe if I tried in vain to make it longer people would look
away.
“Stop fidgeting with your clothes. Try to relax; people are looking at you
because you look good, Jazzy. Try and enjoy it,” Breeze said to relax and enjoy
things so much that he should have coined the phrase. He was acting as if I grew
up in the same over exposed world that he did. Shit, I still hadn’t wrapped my
head around what lead me there. But I still did what I could to please him that
night. I spoke when spoken to and smiled and laughed when the situation called
for it. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I felt so good about myself in
the hair salon, but now I just felt like I looked like an out of place kid who
everyone could tell was playing dress-up.
 “Come with me Jazzy.”
Once in the unisex bathroom, Breeze took me to the mirror and made me
look at myself.
“Isn’t that the same person who was in the salon today?”
“Why are you doing this to me, you know the answer to that question just as
well as I do,” I said as I looked away from my reflection.
“So why aren’t you acting like her. I didn’t bring up out for you to shrivel up
like a dying rose, I want you alive. I want the girl who had a back bone and a
badass attitude to go with it.”
“It’s just that—”
“It’s just what? You’re in L.A. Jazz, there are going to be bad bitches
everywhere you go. You just have to find a way to stand out and take control of
whatever room you walk into. You look just as good as all of the other females
out there, now all you have to do is act like it.”
All of his bullshit was starting to blow me. I didn’t know that fucking on film
was going to bring me all of this grief. I just wanted to ride a dick, get paid for it,
and go home. Now I had dude in my face trying to change me to what I thought
that I could never be.
“Tell me this, Breeze; do you breathe down the backs of every bitch that
walks through your office doors the way you are doing me? What does this mean
to you and how will this help me suck a dick and cum on cue?”
For a brief moment I thought that I had taken Breeze over the edge. His face
scrunched up and he looked like he just took a big whiff of a pile of shit.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you really think that I am trying to mold
you into a porn star?”
“That’s what it seems like. I just wanted a job; I don’t want to lose myself in
your world.”
“I don’t give gift like these to just porn stars. I gave you the gift because I am
interested in you. I like the fact that you’re not just another well put together
Barbie who has no brain.”
“So quit trying to change me. Don’t get me wrong, I like the makeover but I
still want to be me. If I am not comfortable in this revealing getup then you will
just have to be okay with that. I may get used to it but then again, maybe it’s just
not for me. Just relax and enjoy me.”
He smiled at me turning his own words against him. But he would not give
up until I saw things his way. I wasn’t seeing the big picture. And as far as that
night, he was going to get me to loosen up one way or the other.
 After dinner, we drove to the next location with hardly any words spoken.
Me in my thoughts and him in his, but once we got close, he asked me what my
drug of choice was.
“I’m not into nothing heavy; I just smoke a little weed when I need to get
away from the world, why?”
“It’s like a candy store in there when it comes to drugs so I just wanted to
make sure that you’re not a recovering drug addict or something.”
Although he was joking I knew that the porn game held a lot of drug addicts
behind its velvet and torn ropes.
“Nah, I’m good, where are we anyway?”
“It’s called the Devil’s Den. Now, there are some things that I gotta tell you
about this place. First off, you’ve never been here, period. I don’t care how many
times you end up coming here, you’ve never been here. Got it?
“Okaaaaay, now you’ve got me curious. What’s in there that could be that
bad?”
“Second, don’t ask too many questions. If someone sends you a drink, drink
it. If someone asks you your name, you answer with the number that is given to
you at the door. Remember it because it will be yours forever. The last two
important things to know are these rules. If you see anyone famous, forget that
you saw them, and if someone touches you and you don’t like them, walk away
and don’t make a scene.”
“What is this place that you have brought me to? This doesn’t seem like
somewhere I want to be, Breeze. You’re talking about numbers and people
touching me, shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were people in there with
mask on.”
“You might see that as well.”
I sat in his car shaking my head in disbelief. There were so many things
going on in this world that you may never know about unless it smacks you in
the face, the way it had done me that night.
“Man, fuck this shit, Breeze, I think that there are just some things that I
don’t want to be involved in. I’m about to lose my fucking mind over here.
Maybe this is just too much too soon.”
“Bitch, what the fuck is your problem? Are you that fucking small town? I’m
trying to show you how we live yet every step I try to make you take to move
forward you insist on standing still. I’m about to be tired of your bullshit, Jazz.
Get with the fucking program or get your ass out of my car and walk the fuck
home.”
 “What, you don’t think that I would walk? Fuck you and your fucked up
lifestyle. You may be the son of the so called porn king, that doesn’t mean that
you have to be such a spoiled sick little shit.”
I hopped my ass right up out of his car. I may have been “small town” as he
called me when it came to back way secret sex dens, but I was “Big City”
enough to let his ass hear what I really thought about him and his way of life. I
walked to the nearest bus stop as I cursed myself for leaving my cell phone at
home. My mind floated back to my drunken ass mother. Even in her drunken
stupors, she used to manage to tell me to always make sure I had a phone with
me. She may have killed me with her words every chance she got, but she didn’t
want me to ever be in a situation where I couldn’t call her for help. I thought
about the time I went to a party with a date who thought that he was going to get
some. He got rough with me, which forced me to knee him in the balls and run
to the bathroom. I called my mother and sure enough, she drove her drunk
behind to that party and walked up to the bathroom where I hid.

*****

“Show me that low-life motherfucka that has to rape a bitch just to get a nut.
I’m a cut his little dick off and feed it to him.”
“Let’s go home, Ma, things are bad enough.”
“Aww, bitch, fuck you. I didn’t drive all the way out here to just pick you up.
I wanna know who he is, Jasmine. I’m not going no goddamn where until you
point him out.”
Sure enough, she pulled out a chair and sat her ass right down. She asked one
of the party goers for a drink and told them to party on, but no one did. The
music had stopped and all eyes were on her.
“What the fuck is everyone looking at? I don’t give a shit, I’m not leaving. I
wanna know who he is so if anyone else knows, speak up, since that little bitch
over there got lockjaw,” she said, speaking of me. Then she started to laugh
uncontrollably. Everyone looked around wondering if they had missed the joke.
“Come on y'all, that shit was funny. Here she is, scared to give up the goods
and I say that she has lockjaw; hahahaha.”
The more she laughed the more the crowd got it. After her and most of the
partygoers shared a laugh, she got back to business.
 “I know that yah wanna get back to the party, just point him out and I’ll
leave…after I teach his ass a lesson.”
People looked around but no one spoke up, then out of nowhere, the offender
stepped forward.
“It was me, bitch. Ain’t nobody trying to rape that little ho of yours. I just
tried to get the pussy that’s all. It ain’t my fault that she’s crossed legged and
tight lipped. She knew what went down in those rooms before she stepped foot in
it.”
“Now that’s a good one, crossed legged and tight lipped, I’m a have to
remember that one. But here’s something that you didn’t know,”
The whole room gasped as she moved fast, and as if she didn’t have a drop
of alcohol in her system. I never saw her pull out the butcher knife, but we all
saw her holding it to my date’s neck.
“What you don’t know is that I raised her to keep shit locked away from
sorry ass little dick niggers like you. If we were back in Puerto Rico right now, I
really would make you suck your own stinky dick, but luck is on your side. I’m
not going to be put in jail for a little shit like you. But, do me a favor, the next
time you think of trying to snatch a kitty that hasn’t been offered to you,
remember this face and knife. Think of what I would have done if I wasn’t in
America. Then, back the fuck off.”
The crowd was frozen with fear and anticipation. I walked over to my
mother and put my hand on her shoulder, hoping to calm her down. I prayed that
she didn’t forget where she was at and let the wannabe rapist really feel the
sharpness of her knife like he deserved.
“Come on, Ma, I think that he’s got the picture, don’t you Kenny?”
Kenny never did respond but we all smelled his answer.
“Now, lookie here, he really is a little shit. He done went and pooped on
himself. Goddamn nigger, you smell like death ran over on a hot summer day.”
Like a choir, everyone let out a roar of laughter. Kenny just stood there too
embarrassed and scared to move.
“Now see, I was gonna cut your ass a little bit just to leave you a visual
reminder of what not to do, but you shitting yourself will leave a mental scar that
not even this knife can do. Party on people, cheers to all of you, and as for that
little shitter that you have amongst you, maybe someone should help him home,
he’s starting to attract flies.”
The crowed all put their glasses and beer cans up and toasted the brave drunk
woman who looked like an inebriated queen. And from what I heard, Kenny
never did get that assistance home. He just got kicked out of the party on his
shitty little ass.

*****

“Jasmine, what the hell are you doing, you were really going to take the bus
home?”
Breeze walked right up to me without me even noticing.
“What are you doing here? You gave me no other option, and I don’t take
too kindly to ultimatums.”
“Get your ass in the car. I’ll drive you home.”
I wasn’t getting into his car until I heard an “I’m sorry”. Plus it wasn’t going
to be the first time I had to take the bus so it didn’t take any sweat off of my
back.
“Why must you be so damn hard headed? You act like all of the things that I
have done are for me. I am trying to upgrade your lifestyle. I am trying to
introduce you to the porn world in style. Do you think that everyone is as
fortunate as you are? Most women end up fucking in a shitty little motel room
for five hundred dollars a pop. Most don’t get a contract and more than most
don’t get the treatment that you’ve have received.”
“At what fucking price?”
“At the price of becoming a star, at the price of making real money, at the
price of being booked for dance clubs, strip clubs, and movie signings all year
long. At the fucking price of being the best at what you do Jazzy. Most pray to
pay a bill that would give them those results.”
“I don’t ever want to be a slave to money. I don’t want to sell my soul to the
devil just to end up in hell.”
“So why do this at all? You’re sitting there looking down your little brown
nose as if I’m asking you to turn down a Hollywood movie deal to fuck on film
for me. The women who are in this business that are at the top of their game
knew to leave all of that bullshit behind. They knew to say fuck the world and all
of their straight laced views. They knew that they were coming into the game to
make some money and to have fun doing it. If you can’t do that than just let me
know. I’ll tear up your contract and you give me back my money.”
He knew he had me. Most of the money was spent and without porn, I
wasn’t going to be able to pay it back any time soon. But beyond that, his words
were true. I was still thinking like a girl who didn’t sign on the dotted line yet. I
was acting as if I had a choice in my near future. I would have to let go of all of
my inhibitions and learn to live life the “porn way”.
“I’m still taking the bus home. I thank you for all that you have done and all,
but no one talks to me the way you did. I got enough of that from my mother.”
“Come on, Jazzy, I’m sorry for blowing up. I will take you home, but if I
could ask one thing of you it would be great.”
I did get the apology that I was waiting for, plus I was just tired of fighting. I
just wanted to spend time with the Breeze that sent me spinning. The more I
looked at him flashing me that sexy smile of his; I wanted to still be with him, in
his presence.
“What is it?”
“I really like you and I want you to know that I wouldn’t do anything that
would be detrimental to you or your career. Just come with me to the Devil’s
Den. If it’s too much for you then we can leave.”
I didn’t say no. His voice begged me to be open-minded and to see the world
through his eyes. I came to the conclusion that maybe my vision had been
clouded for long enough.

*****

“Your number is 9785. All we need now is a picture and you are free to go
in.”
I stood in front of a red wall and waited for my photo to be taken. I felt like I
was in one of those weird French movies that I loved to watch. The ones where
the main character is a member of a sex club that only the underground freaks
knew and loved. It was dark and smoky with mostly all good looking people.
There seemed to be a lot of foreign rich people of every color and that was just
the entrance where you received your number, if you were lucky. From what I
gathered, you had to know someone or be able to pay a lot of money just to get
past the first checkpoint. After that, you went to what was called a viewing
room. There the money that you just paid or the person who was a member that
you knew meant nothing. There were two people who determined if you got in
and they scared me. They sat in chairs that looked like thrones and just gawked
at you. They spoke so low that I was only standing about a foot away from them
and still couldn’t hear a word.
“Let’s go,” Breeze said, as he took my hand and pulled me toward a heavy,
metal door. It had two big black men who looked like they ate the undesirables
for dinner.
“How do you know that it is okay for me to go in?” I didn’t want to go
anywhere near the entrance to hell unless I knew that the devil gave me
permission.
“The green light above their heads gives the okay, that’s where my dad got
the idea for the make-up room.”
I let Breeze lead me through the doors without a fight. It had just hit me that
this place ran deep through his bloodline.
“Your dad comes here, too?” I asked in disbelief.
“He co-owns it with Vivianna and Carmine.”
“Who are they?”
“Don’t you mean what?” he asked this with laughter, but I left it alone. They
both scared the shit out of me and that’s all I needed to know. I didn’t even ask if
he was joking or not.
Stepping into the Devil’s Den was like entering another world. The furniture
was black and the walls were the color of blood. The lights were dim and the
likes of Maxwell, Sweet Back, Sade, and The Brand New Heavies spilled out of
the speakers, filling the air with an aura of sex, and it seemed to be in every
corner that I looked.
“People come here to be free, to do the things that they are too scared to do
out there,” Breeze said pointing at the doors that we just walked through.
“How can they do those things with a club full of people?”
“You’re gonna be doing them in a warehouse full of people and you’ll be
getting paid for it, and that’s the only difference. They are doing it because they
enjoy it, because it feeds whatever sexual appetite that hungers them. You will
be fucking for a check, but hopeful you will get to where these people have
already gone.”
He had me there and to tell the truth, watching all of the club goers go at it
turned me on.
Once seated, Breeze ordered an apple martini with a twist for me and a bottle
of Patron for him and me, if I wanted some.
“I didn’t know that you could twist an apple martini.”
“Everything comes with a twist in here Jazzy.”
 I enjoyed him kissing and nibbling on my neck before something took my
attention away from it.
“What’s in there?”
There was a door that was painted a brighter red than the walls. I watched a
woman who seemed to be the most beautiful creature that I had ever seen walk
in with a man flowing behind her. The man in the suit seemed to be in the same
trance that I was in. She was like the diamonds that Breeze had given me earlier
that day. She seemed to sparkle and shine even in the all-black outfit that she had
on.
“That room is called The Immortal Palace. I never go in there, it’s a little too
out there, even for me.”
I was stunned. I didn’t think that nothing was too over the top for the porn
prince. When the waiter came back with our drinks, my mind was still on the
member’s only room, but I didn’t mention it again. If it was too much for
Breeze, then I know that it was going to be way too much for me.
“Cheers to a whole new world. May you learn to welcome it as well as
flourish in it.”
The apple martini was the best that I had ever had, and before I was even
done, I had another waiting for me.
“The service here is wonderful.”
“Yeah, my dad’s motto is that neither a glass nor an ass should run dry in
here.”
As we shared a laugh, a euphoric feeling came over me. My body tingled and
my head felt cloudy. I downed another cold drink hoping that it would cool my
heated insides.
“Something the matter, does your head hurt?”
After my forth drink, my head was in my hands as I tried to control the
spinning.
“No, I just think that I drank too much, too soon. I’ll be okay in a minute.”
“Can’t handle your alcohol huh?” Breeze asked as he slid closer to me.
“Let daddy take care of you,” he spoke as if I were a three year old child.
“Please, Breeze, I can hang with the best of them. I just wanted you to come
a little closer, that’s all.”
I leaned into him and tasted the strong alcohol on his lips, and I wanted
more. I straddled him and kissed him as if he were the speed bump that I so
desperately needed.
“Slow down, Jazzy, we just got here, save a little for later,” Breeze said as he
handed me the fresh drink that the waitress had brought over.
“I love this song; it’s almost as if it’s taking over my body.”
“It’s Sweetback, it’s called Voodoo Breath.”
I guzzled down my drink and stood up. The song’s name was so befitting
that it made me feel as if someone had put a voodoo spell on me. I was no longer
in charge of my body. It wanted to dance without my brain stopping it. I stood
up and let the man’s voice that sang the song take over my body.
Breeze sat there and watched as if I were the female spirit, Erzulie Freda. My
mother would pray to her to bring my father back home, but he never did come
back to us. I didn’t know much about her but I did know that to some she was
the goddess of love. She was seductive and loved the finer things in life. And
that night, I embodied her. I swayed my hips to the beat of the song and let all of
my inhibitions go. I no longer tugged at my rising dress nor did I care that most
of the men and women in the room watched me. I invited their prying eyes and
preformed for my audience.
“Come dance with me baby.”
I tried to pull Breeze off the small couch but he wouldn’t budge.
“Fine, then I’ll just have to dance on you.”
I gave him a lap dance that any high priced stripper would be proud of. I
could feel his breath on my shoulders as his dick hardened.
“You are my voodoo; you do know that, don’t you?”
“Well, maybe I can cast a spell to make you fuck me inside out tonight,” I
said as I stood up and faced him. I pushed him back with my high heeled foot
and stood up on the couch. I put a foot on each side of him and begun to dance
again. I wined my hips lower and lower until I felt his face in between my legs. I
moved my hips back and forth to the music, damn near ridding his face, and I
didn’t stop until I felt him pull my thong aside. When his wet pointy tongue hit
my sweet spot, I leaned into it and sang out loud to the song.
“You can loan it but I own it so come and help me sing my song.” I sang the
lyrics at the top of my lungs as his tongue roamed my insides, but as quickly as
that new soon to be familiar feeling hit me, it was gone, and to me it was as if
everything went silent.
“What the hell are you doing, why did you stop?”
“We have all night, Jazzy, I was just giving you a little something to hold
you over,” Breeze said as he helped me down off the couch. To say that I was
pissed would be putting it lightly.
“Where’s the fucking bathroom in this place? I guess I gotta go clean up
since you left me wet and hanging,” I said, as I stormed off without an answer. I
heard Breeze yelling something over the music but I refused to listen. It seemed
like I was a game to him. He wanted so badly for me to enter his world but when
I did, he still only met me half way.
I walked around the club in search of the bathroom but it seemed like every
door that I opened was just another sex den.
“You seem lost.”
“No shit,” I answered before turning around, but when I did, I had to take a
deep breath because he had almost taken it away.
“Are you okay?”
“Sure, yeah, yeah, I’m umm, I’m okay.”
Both Mr. Chocolate bar and the alcohol had me mixing up my words.
“Why don’t you let me help you back to your table?”
“What makes you think that I need help? I don’t look like a damsel distress,
do I?”
I said this in a very flirtatious voice while leaning into him.
“I wouldn’t say that, it’s just I’ve been watching you. You have walked from
one end of the club to the other. You just seem to have no direction and I wanted
to help.”
He hit that nail right on its head. I felt lost in all sense of the word, and to
think, I just thought that I couldn’t find the bathroom. Mr. Chocolate made me
realize that I also couldn’t find myself.
“I’m just looking for the bathroom,” I said with a lying smile.
“I think that you’re looking for more than that aren’t you?”
The way he asked this question threw me off. He seemed to say it in a sexual
way but then again, I was looking for so many things.
“The directions to the bathroom will do for now.”
His smile revealed his pearly whites and pointed me to the ladies room. On
my way there, I looked back at Breeze to see if he had noticed the exchange, but
I’m sure he didn’t. Some white girl had his face buried in her breast. For a split
second, I wanted to go yank his ass away and set her straight, but I was thankful
that she had distracted him. Plus, I wasn’t Tanya and he wasn’t my man.
In the bathroom, I cleaned off the wetness that Breeze left behind but I was
still throbbing down there. I felt like I was starving and although Breeze had a
fridge full of food, he refused to feed me. Right then and there, I decided that I
was going to get some dick that night. I figured that I would tempt Breeze to the
point that he would be begging me to let him have some. I was going to be on
some new shit. I entered this lifestyle due to money problems but I might as well
get more than money out of it. With a growing thirst, God only knew what or
who would quench the desert storm that was brewing inside of me.
“No, leave it down,” Mr. Chocolate said from behind me. I was trying to pin
my hair up but decided against it to satisfy his request.
“Damn, I didn’t even hear you come in here. You do know that this is the
ladies bathroom don’t you?”
He came up behind me and pushed my hair over my left shoulder, and as our
eyes met in mirror, the throbbing intensified between my legs. When he got
close enough for me to hear him whisper, he kissed my right shoulder and made
me feel his rock hard dick that he deliberately pushed against my ass.
“I’m aware of everything around me, baby, and you caught my eye.”
“So, what do you think that means? That you can sexual harass me in the
ladies room?”
“Oh, I came in here to do more than harass you, I promise you that.”
I turned around and faced him. His swagger was that of a royal prince. He
stood with strength and assurance. His skin was smooth and as rich as coco. I
took a second to look him over. His chocolate complexion seemed to flow
through his entire body, and the dreads that swept his shoulders made my nipples
hard. His eyes were a natural gray, which I thought was rare for his skin color.
He towered over me at a height of 6’3”. He smelled like vanilla ice cream and I
wanted a lick of his flavor.
He leaned down and parted my lips with his tongue. I could taste the mint
that lingered from the candy that he popped before coming into the bathroom.
“You’re like the thought of summer on a cold ass winter day, you know
that?”
“How do you know that I’m not really rain? Better yet, a rain storm that
threatens to ruin a sunny day?”
“It’s almost like I knew you as soon as I saw you. It was like I could smell
the pureness of you. You’re as fresh and new as they come.”
“So you must think that I’m inexperienced, huh?”
It was interesting to me that he thought that he knew me so well. I couldn’t
decide if he was right or wrong and he knew it.
“I’m not saying all of that, baby, I’m just saying that I don’t think that you
are the soulless L.A. chicks that I run into on a daily basis. Don’t take it the
wrong way, it’s a good thing.”
I smiled and pulled him in closer. It was amazing that he could bypass my
new L.A. makeover and still see the real me without even knowing me.
“I’m taking it for exactly what it is. Now are we just going to stand here and
talk or are you going to keep your promise?”
When our mouths met, again his hands came along with them. I could feel
him squeezing my ass as his lips left mines and landed on my shoulder. He
glided his hands from my ass to my chest, pulling down the upper part of my
sleeveless dress and just looked at me.
“What, they’re not pumped up with the usual silicone that you’re used to
seeing?”
“They’re perfect. It’s been so long since I’ve seen real ones that I had to take
a minute and take it all in,” he said while laughing. After admiring my realness,
he cupped them with his hands and ran his thumb over my nipples. I closed my
eyes as the spinning in my head came back. It was like I could feel his touch on
every part of my body, and it was almost too much to take. I stumbled back and
leaned against the sink.
“Maybe we should pick this back up another time.”
“No, no, don’t stop. I just needed to lean on something.”
He walked over to me and picked me up, placing me on top of the sink. He
slid between my legs pushing me back, making me rest my back on the mirror.
He lowered his head and licked my left nipple before taking it into his mouth. I
watched his lip work on my chest as fireworks went off all over my body. I
knew that he was licking my nipples but it felt like he was also licking my clit.
“Damn, that shit feels so good. Where have you been all of my life?”
He looked up without an answer and kissed me. His hand slid up my thigh
and pulled my thong to the side. When his fingertip hit my clit, I had to scream
out with pleasure. I saw the bathroom door open and heard the sound of high
heels clicking against the tile, but saw no one. I didn’t care; I just hoped that he
wouldn’t stop.
“Goddamn you’re wet. I know that pussy is just right.”
“So what are you waiting for, an invitation?”
I was out of control. I held up my right leg as he held up my left. His hand
was magic and I fucked it as if it were a twelve inch dick. I thrust my hips
toward him with every stroke and got closer and closer to cumming, and then he
stopped.
“Turn around and get on your knees.”
I didn’t ask any questions, I would do whatever he wanted.
“No, don’t get off the sink, just turn around, and get on your knees.”
 He helped me carefully adjust myself on the sink and lifted the tight red
dress around my waist. I waited for his fingers to enter me again but instead I got
something else. SMACK, SMACK, he slapped my ass hard. He spread my
cheeks apart and rubbed his fingers back and forth on my clit. The sting from his
huge hands tuned to pleasure. SMACK, SMACK, he did it again, this time never
taking his other hand off my clit. He repeated this over and over until both pain
and pleasure meshed.
“I’m getting close, baby, don’t stop, don’t fucking stop.”
He stopped slapping my ass and put all of his energy into my pussy. His
hands moved faster and so did my hips. My body was on the verge of a volcanic
eruption as I held onto the sink for dear life.
“Jazzy, are you okay in there, should I come in?” Breeze asked after
knocking on the door. FUCK! He had bad fucking timing. Mr. Chocolate’s
hands stopped moving and I turned around and fixed my clothes.
“No, I’ll be right out, I just needed a minute to get myself together,” I said as
I stood up and walked to the bathroom door.
“Just wait for me at the table, be there shortly.”
He left the door and I walked over to the sink and grabbed a folded towel.
“They must really know what kind of club they’re running, they know to
leave towels out,” I said with a giggle. I was trying to make light of the situation
but my heart was racing a mile a minute.
“Jazzy, that’s your name?” he asked with a funny look on his face.
“Yeah, it’s Jazzy, Jasmine, or the new Jezebel. You can use whichever one
you like.”
“How do you know that guy, is he your man?” he asked pointing at the door
where Breeze was just standing.
“I guess you can call him my boss.”
I waited for the follow up question of “what do you do?”, but it never came.
He just walked over to the sink and stood beside me. Our eyes met and he
looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He turned around and turned
on the water to wash his hands. There was an awkward silence that fell between
us that wasn’t there before. I felt uncomfortable as I washed off and dried in
between my legs. I stayed silent and waited for him to break the newly formed
ice.
“Well, Jasmine, it’s been fun, stay sweet okay?”
“Always,” I answered.
He came over to me and planted a long wet peck on my lips pulling my
bottom lip when pulling away. I was mad as hell, I wanted him bad, and Breeze
fucked up my shot.
“If only we had more time,” I said as he walked to the door.
“I’m sure we’ll meet again.”
I watched him exit the bathroom with regret. I hoped that he was right, and if
that meant coming back to the club by myself to run in to him, then that was just
what I was willing to do.

*****

“Are you okay, did you get sick or something, I thought you said that you
could hang with the big boys?”
“I wish everyone would stop asking me if I am okay, I just needed some air,
that’s all.
“Calm down and who’s everyone?”
“Oh, some girl in the bathroom wanted to know if I was okay. Is this for
me?”
I asked changing the subject. I was feeling the heat and not in a good way.
“Drink up; I wanna get out of here. I got one more thing planned for us
tonight.”
“Well, here’s to adding more bullshit to a crazy night.” I said as I held up my
drink and slammed it back. I could tell by the look on Breeze’s face that I had
caught him off guard but I didn’t care. My night was ruined as far as I was
concerned and there was no hiding it.
The last drink left a bitter taste in my mouth. It tasted as if a pill had melted
in my mouth and my face said it all.
“Here, have a shot of this. That’s why I don’t do Martini’s. They start to taste
nasty as hell after a while.”
“Well, I guess I never drunk enough of it before to find out”
The Patron didn’t taste any better but it did take the melted pill taste away.
“Let’s get out of here I’m sick of this scene. I stood up and headed for the
door. I took one last look behind me to see if Mr. Chocolate was in sight but I
had no such luck.
“So where are we headed?” I asked as the streets began to look more
familiar.
 “We are headed to the warehouse.”
I stayed quiet, I was feeling more and more out of it, the closer we got to our
destination. Once there Breeze had to help me out of the car. My mouth was dry,
my heart was racing, and my body was on fire.
“I guess that last shot of Patron really fucked me up, huh?”
“Yeah, all you need is water and a cold shower, you’ll feel better.”
Once inside Breeze took me to the locker room. He took off my clothes and
put me under a semi cold shower. I stayed there for fifteen minutes as he soaped
me up and rinsed me off. Every drop of water that hit my body sent shockwaves
through my body. I stood there thinking that I could feel every drop that hit me
and it felt good. Now all I wanted to do was fuck and go to sleep. Breeze took
me out of the shower and dried me off. He put lotion on my body and sprayed
me with an apple scented body spray.
“We could have just gone back to my place to do all of this.”
“We wouldn’t be able to do this at your place, trust me. Now let’s head
downstairs.”
I was able to walk with Breeze’s help. We headed to his office where I sat
and waited for him to look through some papers.
“What are we doing here?” I finally asked.
“Tonight is your first real porn scene.” He answered without even skipping a
beat.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. I am way too fucked up to do a
scene right now. Plus you shouldn’t just spring some shit like that on me. I am
not your property; I am still my own person Breeze.”
“Look you signed a contract so legally, you are mine.”
“I work for you, I do not belong to you, and that’s that. Plus, I don’t think
that this is how things are supposed to work.”
“Look, I got a call from my dad while you were in the bathroom. He told me
that Lust was back in town and he wants your first scene to be with him. I was
going to tell you on our way here but you were so out of it that I wanted to sober
you up a little,” Breeze lied.
“I just don’t think that I could do it. The shower helped a little but I’m still
fucked up.”
“Come on Jazzy, he won’t be here for too long. I know that this is not the
best of circumstances but sometimes things happen like this. I feel bad that this
is what had to happen but it will be good for you.”
“You worked so hard on making me this glammed out porn star yet my hair
and makeup isn’t done. Plus how will this help me if I look and feel like shit.
The scene will probably be horrible.”
“Lust has a huge following. Once you have been in a movie with him, people
will start to wonder about who you are. That makes you in hot demand and that’s
when the money starts coming in. Plus I already called Kayla, she’s on her way.”
I knew that fighting him on this would get me nowhere so I stopped trying. It
seemed as if he had everything already worked out.
“Trust me, Jazzy; this will be good for you. You’re going to love Lust. He
always brings—.”
The bell rang cutting him off. He walked over to his desk and looked at the
screen of his computer.
“Speak of the devil, that’s him now.”
With the events that occurred that night, I just hoped that this man could at
least help me release all of my sexual frustration. Two unfulfilling escapades
were enough for one day.
 Chapter 6

“Is he better than your girlfriend?”

When I have the pleasure of working with Tyree I truly enjoy it, but I’ll
never forget filming our first scene together. You would’ve thought it was my
first time instead of his because I was freaking out. I was nervous because I
didn’t know how I was going to handle him. I heard he was big, but I didn’t
realize he was going to be that well-endowed. Of course a part of me was turned
on, but I was scared I’d have to stop completely which would’ve ruined the
shoot. Not only that, but I kept thinking what should I do if he flipped out once I
started touching him. I looked over at Tyree to see if he was nervous but he was
standing there looking calm, and confident. Breeze asked him to step off the set,
and told me to have a seat on the black leather couch. He made it clear that he
wanted the viewers to know basically what it was, that I was trying to turn out a
man that was down on his luck, and needed some cash. He told us to play along
his questions.
Once I was sitting on the coach, he told Rob to start filming, and then he
started asking me questions.
“So, Krave, who is this guy you’re meeting today?”
I looked directly into the camera and almost slipped up and said his real
name, but I caught myself.
“He’s a friend of a friend.”
“Is it true that he’s straight, and has a girlfriend?”
Even though Tyree said he was single, I just went with the flow.
“That’s what he said.”
“Do you think he’s going to do this for the money, or for the enjoyment?”
“He’s doing it strictly for the money, but by the time I’m done with him,
trust me, he will definitely enjoy it.”
We both laughed, and I even noticed Tyree had a smirk on his face. After I
answered the rest of his random questions, Breeze signaled for Tyree to knock
on the door of the living room set that we were filming on. Once I heard him
knocking I looked in the camera, smiled, and said, “I think that’s him now.” I
answered the door and couldn’t stop smiling. I was blushing so much that if I
were white my face would’ve been bright red. I welcomed him in and then
stepped aside so he could walk by. I told him to make himself comfortable as we
sat down on the couch. When I asked him how he was feeling he looked
uncomfortable, but he said, “I’m good.” I flirted with Tyree as we made small
talk for a few minutes, before Breeze started interviewing him.
“So you have never been with another man correct?”
Tyree looked in the camera and confirmed, “Correct!”
“Have you ever thought about it?”
He shook his head from side to side before he answered, “Never!”
“If that’s the case then why did you come here today?”
“If I didn’t need the money, trust me, I wouldn’t be here.”
“What do you think your girlfriend would do if she found out?”
“If she didn’t kill me, she would leave me for sure.”
Breeze asked a few more questions but the last one before we got started was
“So are you sure you want to do this?” After Tyree replied, “I have to” Breeze
looked at me, smiled, and then said, “Enjoy!” I took charge and reached over
and pulled Tyree’s shirt up over his head. He put his hands up so I could
completely remove it before I dropped it on the floor. I rubbed my hand down
his smooth chest until I felt his abs, and then I started unbuckling his belt so I
could unbutton his jeans. I continued to take charge and removed his shoes and
socks then tossed them to the side. I slowly unzipped his jeans so I could pull
them down. I couldn’t get them below his waist so he lifted up his lower body
just enough so I could. I didn’t take them all the way off because I thought it
would look hot to see him get sucked off with his pants and boxers around his
ankles. He was quiet and just sitting there with his eyes closed. I was putting in
work doing my best because I was trying my hardest to get a moan out of him.
After a good fifteen minutes of non-stop sucking, Breeze asked Tyree to stand
up, and told me to keep going. I never took his dick out of my mouth as he stood
up. Breeze wanted a side view so we both adjusted our bodies. The cameraman
focused directly on Tyree’s face, and told him to look into the camera for a close
up.
“How does it feel?” Breeze asked Tyree.
“It feels good.”
 “Does Krave know what he’s doing?”
“He definitely has some skills”
“Is he better than your girlfriend?”
Tyree laughed before he replied, “Definitely!”
I could tell he liked it because when I looked up and his eyes were rolling up
in the back of his head. Before I knew it he was trying to use my mouth like it
was a pussy, but I could only hold my breath for so long before I started to gag.
Breeze had enough footage, because he said, “Okay, you’re both doing great, but
I need you to switch places now.” Tyree thought he meant for him to stand
where I was kneeling, but when I stood up and dropped the towel I had around
my waist revealing my fully hard nine inch dick he looked down and realized
what Breeze meant.
“HOLD UP! CUT! TIME OUT! I THOUGHT YOU SAID I DIDN’T HAVE
TO DO THAT?” Tyree shouted.
“Keep filming Rob.” He looked up at Tyree. “I said you didn’t have to get
fucked. If you want the money then you need to get on your knees.”
“I’m not gay though,” Tyree pleaded.
“What if I was to offer you some more money?” Breeze asked.
“How much money are you talking about?
Breeze looked at me, and smirked before saying, “Three thousand”.
Tyree’s attitude changed from being upset to I’m listening just that fast.
“So wait, you’re saying you will give me the five thousand on the table plus
an additional three thousand if I give him some head?” Tyree asked as he
pointed at me.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Breeze said as he reached in his pocket
and handed the rest of the money to Rob, and told him to put it on the table. Rob
did just that then focused the camera on the table to get a shot showing all of the
money spread out on the table.
“You’ve already went this far so if I was you I wouldn’t pass up all of that
money because it’s all or nothing,” Breeze stated.
“I need that money,” Tyree said and then looked at me like he needed my
advice. I looked him in the eyes and said, “You said you wanted to be like me,
so if you want to make a lot of money then this is what you have to do.”
“I don’t think I’m going to do it right anyway,” he replied like he was hoping
someone would say well in that case never mind you don’t have to do it.
“Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out,” Breeze stated.
“I wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t feel comfortable getting on my knees.
Can we sit down?”
Breeze nodded yes so we both got comfortable on the couch again. Tyree
reached down, picked up the towel, and put it over his head before slowly
leaning over and doing what he was paid to do. At first, he didn’t move, and then
he eventually started slowing bobbing up and down. After a few minutes, Breeze
motioned for me to remove the towel off his head. I snatched it off and tossed it
behind the couch.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Tyree asked with an attitude.
“Relax, they need to see what you’re doing,” I replied.
“I don’t want to show my face,” he stated.
“They’ve already filmed your face so stop playing and keep going.”
He looked at me as if he couldn’t do it so I started to get frustrated.
“Look, you already started so you might as well finish. We have a lot more
to do so come on.”
I grabbed the back of his head, and pushed it toward my dick but he pushed
my arm away.
“All right fine, but let me do it,” He said as if he was mad.
He leaned back over and sucked me just like before, but this time he was
trying to get away with only jerking me off. Each time he stopped, I had to say,
“Put it back in your mouth.” Once he got a decent rhythm going Breeze asked
him, “So how does it feel to suck a dick for the first time?”
“It’s different, and I can’t believe I’m doing it but it’s not that bad when I
think about that money.”
“Okay, well make us believe you like it then.”
Tyree definitely had a lot to learn but he did start to suck a little faster. It was
feeling good, but I wanted him to put his all into it. I grabbed the back of his
head, and told him to stay still while I moved my waist up and down. I got a
little carried away and started going deeper than he could take. After he gagged
for the sixth time, he stopped and said, “Okay, that’s enough. I did it, but I can’t
do it anymore. I’m done.”
“Are you ready to fuck him now?” Breeze asked.
“I can’t. I’m not hard.”
I looked and everyone but Breeze was looking down to verify what Tyree
just said.
“I’m sure Krave can help you out with that.” Breeze stated.
I was more than happy to help, and it took me less than thirty seconds before
he was back up again. I’m not sure when Derek stopped taking pictures to step
away to grab the condoms and lube but they were now on the glass coffee table.
Rob stopped filming so we could get ready. I watched as Tyree stood up and put
on the XL Magnum condom like he was an expert at it. Then, he stepped out of
his jeans and boxers, and then stood there with his dick in his hand like he was
ready. I grabbed the lube and poured some on my fingers so I could put it inside
of me. Then, I rubbed some all around the outside. I knew it was going to be
hard taking his dick so I poured some more all over it, and stroked his dick a few
times to rub it all around. Rob told us he was starting to record again. I was
finally getting what I wanted, but I knew the only way I was going to get it
inside of me was if I rode him. I had to position myself on top facing him. It
ended up taking me a long time before I could get it in, but I didn’t care because
I knew if the footage ever got used they would edit the parts of me struggling
out. I wasn’t going to tear anything just so I wouldn’t hold them up. Once I
finally got most of it in, I sat there for a minute or two so I could relax and get
adjusted to being that stretched out. After I felt comfortable, I started riding him
like it was nobody’s business. Normally I don’t get hard when I’m being fucked
but that day I was rock hard the entire time. I have to admit though the first time
we had sex I couldn’t handle all eleven inches, when I would come down I
would hit a spot that hurt so bad that I would instantly have to come right back
up. Tyree surprised me when he said he wanted to bend me over the couch. It
turned me on since he made the suggestion. Once I was in position he took his
time easing it in me, but it didn’t take long until he was hitting it from the back
so hard that I kept trying to get away. No one and I mean no one has ever made
me moan so loud. The problem was they were moans of agony.
“I know you’re never gonna forget this dick. It’s the best you’ve ever had
isn’t it?” Tyree asked.
“YES!” I shouted.
“Then why do you keep running? This is what you wanted, right?” Tyree
said like he was frustrated, and was taking it out on me by fucking me harder.
I didn’t reply. I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend like it wasn’t hurting
so it would look good on film. As bad as I wanted him, I couldn’t wait for it to
be over.
“Is he big enough for you Krave?” Breeze asked.
“Bigger than I imagined.”
Rob focused the camera back on Tyree’s face.
“Does his ass feel good?”
“Hell yeah, it’s nice and tight.”
 It started to feel good once I was on my back, so good to the point that I had
to start stroking my dick. I don’t know if that turned Tyree on or not, but he
started fucking me harder and faster until I shot all over my chest and stomach.
Luckily, Rob was ready and filmed the money shot. Finally, Breeze asked Tyree
if he was ready to cum, and thankfully, he said yes because now my muscles
were so tight that it only felt uncomfortable. Tyree pulled out, ripped the
condom off, and came on my stomach as well.
After we were finished, and Breeze had all of the photos and footage that he
needed he told us we could shower, get dressed, and then come up to his office. I
wiped myself off and then told Tyree to follow me. He picked up his clothes,
and the money off the table. Once we were in the locker room, I saw him put the
money in his jeans, and put them as close to the shower as he could so they
wouldn’t get wet. I think he was scared someone would run off with his cash
because he kept his eyes on his jeans as he showered the entire time. Neither one
of us said a word. I figured he was thinking about what he just did, and I was
waiting to see what he would say. Once we dried off, and were dressed we went
back to Breeze’s office. I just knew Tyree was going to give Breeze a hard time
when it came time to sign the release form, but he signed it with no problems.
Afterwards Breeze presented him with a short term contract explaining
everything just like before. He briefly went over it with him, and then answered
all of Tyree’s questions.
“That was the best scene you’ve ever filmed wasn’t it?” Tyree asked.
Breeze laughed out loud before looking at Tyree.
“Do you know how many years I’ve been in the porn industry? You might as
well say most of my life, so I’ve filmed thousands of scenes. It was a good
scene, but it definitely wasn’t the best.”
“You’re fucking with me right? That had to be the best. No one can top that.
I’m the best at laying pipe.”
Breeze shook his head from side to side, and then looked at me.
“Jamar, your boy is conceited, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, when I spoke to him on the telephone yesterday I was telling him
that,” I replied.
“You can call me conceited, confident, cocky, or whatever but I know I’m
good with mine,” Tyree responded.
“You know what I think conceited will be your stage name. What do you
think?” Breeze asked.
“Man, according to that contract I have an additional 20 thousand coming
my way within the next couple of weeks so call me whatever you want.”
“I like it Breeze. It sounds good but you should spell it with a “K”.” I blurted
out excitedly.
“Aww, you want it to be like your name, don’t you? Isn’t that cute?” Breeze
asked but he was really being sarcastic, and putting me on the spot.
I didn’t mean to get that excited about it, and I didn’t even put much thought
into it at all. Now I was embarrassed though, so I just smirked, and tried playing
it off.
“I just think it will look cool, that’s all.”
“I’m sure,” Breeze replied as if he knew otherwise. “Well, there you go,
Konceited, now you’ll be all set once you sign your life away to me.”
I can’t say if Tyree was hooked from the beginning, and realized how easy it
was to make so much money but he didn’t hesitate to sign the contract either.
Breeze explained to him that he had to get tested for STD’s immediately, then
once a month, and he had to always bring his test results with him if he wanted
to stay employed. The meeting lasted almost an hour before Breeze told Tyree
he was looking forward to doing business with him, and asked him to give us a
minute. Afterwards Breeze stood up, walked over to his door, and closed it. He
explained to me that he would like it if I could take Tyree under my wing, take
him to the clinic, find him a place to stay, and help him out with anything that he
needed. I was already planning on guiding him, and explaining more about the
business anyway so I agreed. After he said he was done for the day, and needed
a drink, I got up to leave. I remembered I owed him for the extra money he paid
Tyree, so I asked him how he wanted to work that out. He told me not to worry
about it because he was considering it my pay for today’s shoot as he handed me
a release form.
“So you really are using that footage? I thought that was just a test run, and
you were making it seem like a real scene to see how well he would perform.”
“That’s what I wanted Tyree to think. I knew the moment he walked in that I
was using the photos, and footage for the next “Straight Ass for Cash” film that I
was telling you about. You need to talk to him about being versatile because I
definitely need a scene with him being fucked for it to work. If you convince
him to do it I’ll use you for that scene as well, because I’m sure you would love
that.”
“I’ll try but I’m not going to put pressure on him to do it.” I said as I handed
him back the signed release form.
“Well, just mention that he signed the contract so he’s gonna have to get
fucked eventually.”
“Like I said, I’ll try. Was there anything else you needed?”
“No, but call me if he says he’ll do it.” He said as he handed me a check.
“Here’s your referral money.”
I wasn’t expecting anything, but as I was walked downstairs to find Tyree I
looked and Breeze gave me a check for ten thousand dollars. At that moment,
my ass might’ve been a little sore, but I got a big check, and loved my job even
more. I found Tyree standing outside calling a cab so I cut him off, and
reminded him about us going to lunch. He ended the call before he gave them
the address. He claimed he forgot, and was going to the nearest hotel to get a
room. It was too late for lunch so we had an early dinner. I asked him where did
he want to eat, and he replied, “Well, I normally eat fast food, or order from the
carry out by the motel I’m staying at.” I wanted to take him somewhere nice so
he wouldn’t forget it, and to show him how good he could be living. I decided to
take him to my favorite restaurant, The Blue Room, because it was elegant and
gay friendly. Even though it wasn’t a real date it was a romantic scene because
the lights were dim and there was music playing softly throughout the restaurant.
He recognized a couple of famous people, but I had no idea who they were. We
both had a house salad as our appetizer, prime filet mignon as our entrée, and
then for dessert, he had the tiramisu while I got the crème brulee. Everything
was perfect and delicious, and I could see by the smile on his face that he
enjoyed it as well. When it was time to pay the bill he offered to pay and said, “I
got it, it’s the least I can do.” but I wouldn’t let him and I insisted on paying.
After dinner, he asked if I could drop him off at a nice hotel. I was going to save
him some money by asking him to spend the night at my place, but Ebony was
home, and I was hoping to enjoy the night with him alone. When we pulled up to
the Holiday Inn he thanked me for everything and said he would call me. I
couldn’t let the night end like that.
“So are you sick of me yet?”
I was hoping to hear “Hell no!”, but “Not yet. Why?” was good enough for
me.
“Do you want some company? I have another blunt if you’re trying to chill
and relax.”
“Yeah, we can do that. I’ll go check in then I’ll call you with the room
number. I’ll feel weird getting a room with another dude beside me.”
“I got you. I’ll find a place to park while you do that.”
I parked and waited until he called me. After I made it into the room, we
watched reruns of Tosh.O, laughed and talked while we smoked. I asked him
about his current situation and why his dad was ashamed of him. He told me that
his dad is a well-respected police officer and was embarrassed when he got
arrested. His dad used to brag all the time about how well Tyree was doing in
college, but he was so busy trying to catch criminals that he didn’t realize Tyree
dropped out of school and was actually committing crimes until it was too late. I
found out the reason he was staying in motels is because his friend that he
moved to L.A. with kicked him out for having sex with his girlfriend. He
admitted that he slept with her but said he was drunk and she seduced him, but
his boy was hurt and felt betrayed. He tried apologizing a few times since the
incident, but it didn’t change the situation. His friend made it crystal clear that he
never wanted to speak to him again. I didn’t know what to say after hearing all
of that, so I wanted to change the subject.
“So if I wasn’t here what would you be doing?”
“I’d be relaxing watching TV like we’re doing now, or I’d be on the line
trying to find a chick to come over, and spend the night with me.”
I smiled then excitedly said, “I’ll spend the night with you.”
He looked at me, smirked, and then said, “I had a feeling that’s why you
wanted to come up to my room. You want some more of this dick, don’t you?”
he asked as he grabbed his bulge.
I didn’t expect him to ask me that. He stared at me while he waited for a
response but I just kept laughing since I was embarrassed.
“I knew it,” he said with confidence.
“To be honest that thought did cross my mind, but I wasn’t expecting to do
anything. I enjoyed spending the day with you, and wasn’t ready to call it a night
yet,” I responded sincerely.
“Yeah, right, you thought since you brought me dinner I was gonna give it
up again. Do you think I’m that easy?” he asked playfully.
“Trust me I know buying you dinner won’t get me what I really want.” I
paused and reached into my pocket, and pulled out some money and started
waving it around. “But I know all I have to do is wave some money in your face
if I want it, you money hungry whore.”
I had to go there. He set himself up for that one. We both laughed.
“Oh, you think you’re funny huh?” he asked.
“I made you laugh, didn’t I?”
He didn’t answer out loud but he nodded yes.
“So do you want me to stay or not?”
 “If you want to stay that’s fine. It’s up to you.”
I was glad he didn’t say no because that would’ve been awkward. I sent
Ebony a text so she would know I was okay, and that I wouldn’t be coming
home that night. Now that I got that out of the way, I wanted to see how he felt
about earlier.
“So did you enjoy yourself today?”
“Of course, thanks again for dinner. That was the best meal I’ve had in
months.”
“You’re welcome, but I wasn’t talking about dinner. I was talking about your
new profession Konceited.” I said before smiling at him.
“It was crazy. I still can’t believe I did that, and I can’t believe Breeze gave
me so much money.”
“Once your contract is up do you think you’ll continue doing it?”
“Hell yeah if I’m offered a better contract. That’s easy money right there.”
“I know you like the money, but do you enjoy it, or should I say did you
enjoy it?”
“I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t just because I’m not gay. It actually felt
good.”
“I kind of figured that, because you’re dick was so hard. You were tearing
my ass up.”
“It’s funny that you say that, because I was thinking about how hard I was
too.”
I started to get horny and looked at Tyree.
“Damn, you’re making me hard now. You should let me fuck you, and show
you how good that feels.”
“Okay, see now you’re tripping.”
“Why? Don’t you wanna at least try it?”
“For the fifty eleventh time I’M NOT GAY!”
“Look I know you’re not gay, but eventually, you’re gonna have to do it. I
don’t know if you read all of the small print in your contract, but when I read
over it at dinner it stated that you have to be a bottom in two of those five films.”
“I read it, but I think I can convince Breeze to let me get away without doing
it. I can tell he likes me.”
“You just met him today, and you think you already have him figured out
enough to make him change his mind? Well, let me tell you something; I’ve
been working for him and his dad for a year now, and trust me if he wants you to
be a bottom then he’s going to get what he wants. As a matter of fact after you
left his office he mentioned it. He probably won’t appreciate me telling you what
we discussed, but yeah he definitely wants a scene of you getting fucked.” I
paused. “And I’m talking real soon too.”
“Are you serious?”
“Dead serious, he wants it for a new film he’s about to release. Look
between you and I, just keep resisting until he offers you more money. There are
plenty of straight men who get paid more than gay guys because they are
considered gay for pay. Trust me he’ll pay you more if you keep resisting. That
goes for any producer, or director who wants to hire you, so remember that. I
wish someone would’ve told me before I got started, I would’ve pretended to be
straight. Also, I can help you prepare for it before we do the scene together. Oh,
yeah by the way Breeze also said I’ll be the one who tops you.”
“See, I don’t like the fact that you two were planning all of that behind my
back.”
“It’s not like that. Trust me I like you a lot, so I’m always going to have your
back, and fill you in on anything I hear that concerns you. As a matter of fact
I’m going to let you stay with me until you find a place to live, so you can save
your money if you’re cool with that. That will beat having to pay a hundred and
fifty dollars a night for a decent place to stay. I’m also waking you up early
tomorrow morning, because I’m taking you to the clinic so you can take care of
that.”
“Wow, for real? You just met me, and you’re willing to do all of that?
You’re the first decent person I met since I’ve been here.”
“Like I said, I like you.”
“Well, you’re cool too, but I’m not letting you fuck me tonight so get that
out of your head. I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes, but I’ve been
horny all day so if you want some more come and get it.”
“Well, just so were clear I’m not paying you for it,” I said in a flirtatious
tone.
“I’ll give you a freebie this time, I need some practice so I can get used to
this gay shit.”
“Okay, whatever makes you feel better,” I mumbled as I got up to get
undressed. “Are you gonna take off your clothes, or do you want me to make me
take them off again?”
He didn’t respond. He just took his clothes off, threw them on the floor, and
positioned himself on his back in the middle of the bed. I noticed he had his eyes
closed so I crawled up until I reached him lips. I took a chance and started
kissing him, but he didn’t kiss back and quickly pushed me away. I grabbed his
arms and held them down.
“Relax! There’s no cameras around so no one will see, just close your eyes
and pretend it’s your make believe girlfriend.” I said and then laughed. “We’re
practicing remember?”
He didn’t say anything, but he closed his eyes. I started kissing him again,
and at first he didn’t move his lips or kiss me back.
“It’s okay. It’s just me. Kiss me for real,” I said as I reached back and
stroked his dick.
He eventually gave in, and was one of the best if not the best kisser that I
have ever met. I was so turned on that I started pre-cumming. After I had
enough, I licked down until I got to his dick, put it in my mouth, and went to
work. You would’ve thought I was Superhead. I sucked him for at least an hour,
making him hold back. Each time he came close, I would stop, tell him to hold
it, wait a minute, and then continue. After he said he couldn’t take any longer,
and his dick was nice and wet I rode him throughout the night until he came
twice before we were both exhausted and fell asleep.
 Chapter 7

“Let’s give them something that they never will

forget.”
I sat in Kayla’s make-up chair still unsure of who the mystery guest was. I
tried to think of the porn that I watched when I called myself doing “research”,
but the name Lust didn’t ring a bell. I can remember thinking that although I
didn’t know who I was about to fuck, I wanted to fuck him. The only thing that
terrified me was thinking that this man could turn out to be a monster, an ugly
ass dude that I would have to close my eyes with, and imagine Breeze just to get
through it. Or worse than that, a bad fuck, someone that can’t make me cum. As
ready as I thought that I would be for this, my heart still raced and my mouth
was as dry as an 80-year old’s cunt. My body still tingled and yearned to be
touched but my brain was screaming, “You can’t do this!”
“Don’t be so nervous Jazzy, from what I hear, you’re a prized fucker,” Kayla
said this and laughed as if she had just said the funniest joke. I knew that she
meant it as a compliment but my nerves wouldn’t let me laugh. I just wanted to
fuck and cum, then go home. I had a funny feeling that the hour long shower that
I planned on taking would never wash off the dirty feeling that I was sure to
have.
“Come on Jazzy, we’re all ready for you,” Breeze said as he came into the
hair and make-up room.
“Trust me Jazzy, you will not be disappointed. I have worked with him
before and he’s one to give you a ride of a lifetime.”
The thought of that ride made me smile. I looked in the mirror and for the
first time that night, I stopped fighting myself. I didn’t feel like I was pretending
to be Jezebel, I felt like I was the person I was seeing. I was the porn star that
Breeze said that I was destined to be. I know that a lot of people may not find
pride in that, but in a strange way, it filled me with a confidence that I had never
felt before. This is what I had chosen to do and I needed to start to act like it.
“Lead the way baby,” Breeze smiled so wide that I thought his face would
get stuck that way. He was just happy that I was starting to see things his way.
As we walked to the set, Breeze broke down the scene and direction he
wanted me to take. It sounded simple enough, but I didn’t look forward to
stopping for pictures and having someone scream out instructions on how and
where to fuck. A lot of people think that a porn scene flows as smooth as it
looks. What most don’t know is that things can go downhill when you have a
hard dick that’s limping, a wet pussy that’s drying up and a mood damper that’s
called the director.
“Jazzy, this is Lust; Lust, Jezebel.”
I damn near had a heart attack when our eyes met. I was stuck, unable to
move. I felt as if my dreams and my nightmares were all coming true at once.
“I, I umm, well---.”
“Nice to meet you, Jezebel, I hear that this is your first scene,” he said as if
we weren’t just getting down in that bathroom at The Devil’s Den.
“Yes, it is, and I guess it’s nice to meet you too.”
The smirk on his face said it all. It made me start to wonder how long he had
known that it would be me that he was sexing that night.
“So do you think that we will have a good working vibe? Breeze always
wants his actors to at least be attracted to each other. That way it will come off
real to the viewers.”
I could no longer contain my laugh. I got what Lust was trying to do but to
me it was just uncomfortable.
“I hope that the vibe between us is as if we met in a club and were about to
fuck in the bathroom.”
His eyes widened and now the uncomfortable laugher belonged to him.
“Yeah, I hope so too.”
As Breeze left to make copies of his paper work, I took the opportunity to get
some answers.
“So, how long did you know that we would be filming tonight?”
He got closer to me so that the two cameramen, the photographer, and the
rest of the people who were there to do their jobs couldn’t hear, “I knew that I
had to work tonight but I didn’t know that it was with you.”
“You’re full of shit. I saw it in your eyes the first minute I walked in here,” I
said as I started to walk away. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me close
again.
“I only found out when Breeze came to the bathroom door and said your
name. When I walked into that bathroom the only thing I knew was that I was
following a hot piece of ass. Why do you think that I was so shocked when I
learned that you name was Jezebel?”
I looked as deeply into his eyes as possible and saw the truth. His reaction
was rather odd when my name was revealed.
“Look, Jasmine, I know that I could have told you then but to tell you the
truth, I couldn’t pass up seeing your face once you laid your eyes on me.”
Lust wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck, sending ripples
of sensations down my spine.
“I’m happy to see that you two are getting along.”
There was a small hint of jealousy in the way Breeze spoke, but he quickly
covered it with professionalism.
“Okay, people, let’s get this show on the road.”
I walked on set and wondered why Lust didn’t follow.
“Hey, Breeze, I know how you like to do things, but I was wondering if we
could take a different approach with this one.”
“How so?” Breeze asked as he racked his brain.
“I was thinking that maybe you could just let it flow. No stopping for
pictures and no shout outs of directions. I read the memo and saw that there was
no script or fetishes so I was just thinking of letting it go natural.”
Breeze seemed to still be thinking about Lust’s request. He hated the thought
of losing the control he always had when a scene was being taped in his
presence, but he also knew that Lust was a pro. This could either turn out better
than anything he could have planned, or it could just be a big mess.
“We can try it out and see how things go, but if it’s too off, well we will all
have to stay and reshoot it tonight, and that’s with no extra pay.”
Lust looked my way and waited for the approval nod. I was so thankful that
he had asked that I was already shaking my head yes before he even looked my
way.
“One more thing, do you mind if we use the bathroom set for the first half of
the shooting, I thought that it would be hot if we started off there?”
“Let’s get things poppin’,” Breeze said, with a big, shit-eating grin on his
face. Nothing got his engines going more than someone who really knew how to
make things hotter for the fans. It only took fifteen minutes to get the new
location set up. Now there was nothing to do but perform and perform well.
 The smoke machine was turned on, the lights were dimmed, and a slow
flashing red light gave me the same feeling that I got when I walked into the
bathroom at The Devil’s Den, creepy, sexy, and ready for something new.
“Let’s give them something that they never will forget.”
Lust’s hands were around my waist before Breeze even said action. We
needed no permission to engage in the fantasies that dwelled in our minds from
our first encounter. His lips were just as delicious as I remembered, but his touch
was different. It was needy, more intense than the first time around. Before I
knew it, he had me propped up on the sink and his head between my legs. By the
time he was standing up to enter me, I was ready to burst. I looked down at the
biggest dick that I was ever about to fuck in my life and couldn’t wait. I looked
at Lust and loved everything about him, especially the veins that seemed to be
popping out of every inch of his body. When he leaned into me and I felt the tip
of his dick slide from my clit down to my hole, oh, lord, did I think that I was in
heaven. I was dripping wet and ready for all 12 inches of his meat. I grabbed his
ass and pulled it toward me roughly. He seemed surprised as I made him hurry
his speed. I didn’t want the slow although very good fuck that Breeze had to
offer. I wanted what I had heard all of my high school, black girlfriends called a
“slave fuck”. I wanted the fuck that Kunta Kinte would have given the master’s
wife and he performed like a runaway slave. By the time I had a second to catch
my breath, Lust was removing my legs from around his neck.
“Come here, bitch, I want you to bounce on this dick.”
His voice had become demanding and filled with rage. He was so deep in
character that I didn’t recognize him.
“Yeah, that’s right you nasty little hoe, take that dick like it was dipped in
gold.”
Lust had picked me up without ever slipping out of me. I wrapped my legs
around his waist to secure my position. Thinking that I felt all of him before was
a mistake. There was nothing, I mean nothing, between us. It was hurtful in a
good way. He reached places in me that I didn’t even know was there.
“Oh, fuck, wait, let me put my legs down; please, I can’t.”
My pleas fell on deaf ears. He continued like this for another three or four
minutes and then laid me down on the makeshift bathroom floor. There, he
started off slow, tender, and loving. When I looked up at him, I didn’t see Lust,
the porn star, I saw a man, a real one that had a love life beyond this artificial
bullshit. I saw a man that I wanted to get to know outside of this warehouse.
By the time we were done with our scene, everyone was speechless. Lust
helped me up and we waited for the final word from Breeze.
“Wow, well there will be no need for a reshoot,” Breeze said, as he walked
over to us on the set. I was all smiles, for I was happy that I had satisfied my
boss as well as my own appetite.
“That was on point, man; I haven’t seen you bang like that in a while. We
will be using that scene for advertisements and the cover, really good shit, man.”
I stood there waiting for my praises as he patted Lust on the back. It wasn’t
just Lust that had worked his ass off for the last 30 minutes; we both performed
well.
“I’m gonna head back to my office to cut the checks. Make sure and let me
know when you’ll be back in town. Maybe you and Jazzy here can rock the stage
a second time, or better yet, maybe we can hook you up with a pro next time.”
I was shocked. I knew that I worked the shit out of my scene and I wanted
credit for it.
“You didn’t mind being with a newbie, did you?” I asked Lust, as I leaned
into him. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulled me close, and planted a
kiss on my cheek.
“Hell no, baby, I’m already thinking about planning my next trip out here,”
he said. He faced Breeze and said, “I definitely gotta hook up with her again.
She killed that scene, didn’t she?”
“I must have done something right,” I said to Breeze, letting him know I
knew that I rocked my shit.
“Oh, yeah, that was good. You both performed well.”
Getting that compliment out of Breeze was like pulling teeth. His attitude
seemed to come out of nowhere and I wanted to know what his problem was. I
followed him to his office and closed the door behind me.
“What do you want?” he asked, as he sat down at his desk and finally looked
at me.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You said yourself that I did a good job
downstairs; what did I do to piss you off so much?”
“Just because I’m not kissing your ass for doing your job make you think
that something is wrong? Maybe it’s the fact that you went well beyond your
job, or maybe it’s the fact that you’re in my office filled with another nigga’s
cum that you damn near begged for.”
“Oh, so that’s what it is. You’re jealous; it kills you that Lust just rocked my
world. Who seems like the confused one now? Which way do you want it,
Breeze, should I be your girlfriend, although you already have one, or should I
be a porn star?”
I watched what seemed to be the pits of hatred consume Breeze’s eyes and
his lip curled up and looked as nasty as his next words, “Get the fuck up out of
my office, you smell like a cum bucket.”
We stared each other down and I could not help but smile. It hit me that this
man had caught feelings and he was trying to hide them behind his ego. It
disgusted me and I felt sorry for him. The brand new man with money effect was
starting to wear off.
“You’re a sad piece of shit, you know that?” I said to his face and I was
done. I walked to his office door before he replied.
“I thought you were different, but you’re not. You’re like every other whore
that I show a little attention to. But, let’s not forget who pays the bills, bitch.”
I looked back at him and blew a kiss. His words had hurt more then I led on.
As I made my way to the showers, I hated him, but I wanted him to forgive me,
and praise me for a job well done, all at the same time. I liked him enough to go
back up to his office with my tail between my legs but I was mad enough to go
to the limit to piss him off a bit more. My confusion brought on a headache and I
just wanted to go home and crash. I hoped that Breeze would be in a better mood
the next time I saw him.

*****

“It was a pleasure working with you,” Lust said after we showered and got
our belongings together to leave. He picked up his duffle bag and proceeded to
walk me out.
“I still can’t believe that you’re the same guy from The Devil’s Den
bathroom,” I said as I noticed Breeze walking our way. He handed Lust his
check and just stood there as if he were my father and I had just been dropped
off after a date.
“Well, I’m gonna catch you later.”
The air was so thick that Lust had to leave just to get some fresh air. When
the door closed behind him, I waited to see what Breeze was waiting around for.
“So, you were just gonna leave and not say anything?”
“What’s there to say, Breeze? You said a mouth full upstairs. Excuse me if
my mother verbally abused me enough for one lifetime; you know what I
mean?”
“Look, I know that I overreacted. You did your job tonight and you did it
well. It’s just that watching you two blew my mind. I have watched our tape
maybe five times already and I didn’t think that it could have gotten any better
than that, but tonight, I saw you give him something that you didn’t even give
me.”
“It was just a fuck, Breeze, that’s it. I didn’t want to even do this tonight but
you pushed and pushed. I can’t help that you didn’t like the outcome.”
“Look at you getting all brand new. Give a bitch a new hairstyle and some
skanky clothes, she changes for the worse.”
“You know what I was thinking about as I got the scent of Lust’s good dick
off of me? I wondered if you spoke to Tanya the way you speak to me. I really
want to know if you just treat me like this because I’m new to your world or if
you were always such an asshole.”
“I think that you should leave before you fuck up and say something that you
won’t be able to take back.”
“That won’t happen, you’ve already beat me to the punch.”
I opened the door and walked out to him telling me to take my ass home and
that he would be calling me to set my ass straight.
“That seemed serious,” I heard someone say. I looked around and saw Lust
standing by his Navigator.
“You look just like the type to be pushing a big gas guzzler.”
“What can I say, I love me a good ride,” he said, referring to both to his
Lincoln and to me. I walked away from my car and over to his.
“It doesn’t look like you’re doing too bad yourself.”
“It’s my new baby, courtesy of Fantasy Pictures.”
We shared a laugh and I knew that I didn’t want to end my night just yet.
“Where are you headed?”
“I’m going back to my hotel. Why? You’re thinking about round two
already?”
His question was delivered both jokingly and seriously.
“I’m not saying all of that but I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink
and chill.”
“Where are you thinking about getting that drink, it’s going on two o’clock
in the morning?”
“I was thinking about my place, are you down?”
If he said no, I didn’t know how I was going to ever face him again. Getting
turned down was never my strong suit.
“You lead and I’ll follow.”
We didn’t say another word. I just walked to my car and drove away with
him behind me.

*****

“This is a nice place you have here,” Lust said as he looked around my
apartment.
“Yeah, I went for the island feel. When I left my mother’s house back in
Baltimore I took with me a lot of the art that we brought to the States from
Puerto Rico.”
“She didn’t mind parting with them, a lot of these pieces look like they cost a
lot of money?” he asked as he picked up an original Esteban Diaz wooden
statue.
“Well, let’s just say that my mother went through different mood swings.
One day she got up and decided that she wanted a change. ‘Out with the fucking
old and in with whatever bullshit comes to mind.’ she said as she started taking
pictures down and boxing the hand carved statues, so I took them. I kept them all
in my room, knowing that I was going to take them anywhere I was going.”
“I wouldn’t say that I am an art genius but your mom has really good taste,
and so do you for knowing to keep these things. So how about that drink you
promised?”
I fixed us both some Amoretto sours and sat beside him. He smelled good
and looked even better. I must have been looking at him longer than I thought
because when I came to, he was smiling as if he caught me.
“Still can’t get over what you see, huh?” he asked, smoothing out his clothes
and laughing.
“Please get over yourself, it’s not even that. I’m looking at you because you
remind me of the guys I dated back home.”
“A Baltimore dude?”
“No, I didn’t date much of those; I’m talking about a D.C. guy. I was always
attracted to their walk, their talk, it was always about the swagger for me, and
they had plenty.”
“Maybe it just an east coast thing, I find myself being attracted to my home
town Jersey girls more than these fake L.A. women. And it goes beyond just the
fake tits, lips, and hips,” he said while laughing.
“It’s the fake personas that they have built for themselves. I mean, these
motherfuckers are so fake out here that you can’t even trust their hellos.”
The look on his face while he spoke said it all. I had only been out here for a
short time compared to him and I felt the same way. I was starting to wonder
why he even came up to me. I had broken down and let Breeze turn me into the
same packaged dolls that came a dime a dozen in California.
“That’s what caught my eyes about you in the club. I could tell that even
with the blonde hair and stripper clothes, it’s like I still saw the real you.”
“Was it that obvious that I felt out of place and character?”
“I don’t know about other people Jasmine, but you stood out like a sore
thumb. I’ve known a lot of people that L.A. has changed, but there is a small
breed of us that are immune.”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I just got this so called makeover today. I wasn’t
for it at first but I did end up liking the end results.”
He looked at me for a while then back at the picture that sat on my coffee
table. Then he looked back at me, pointed at the picture, and made a funny face.
“I like you better that way.”
“Me, too.”
We sat there and drank our alcohol in silence both staring at the old me. Me
wondering if I had lost that person and him hoping that he would get to meet her.
“Can I freshen that up for you?” I asked once I noticed that he was sipping
on melted ice.
“No, I’m good, but do you mind if I smoke, and I don’t mean a cancer stick.”
I pulled out my lighter and small baggy of weed and swung it in his face.
“I’ll match you blunt to blunt.”
He smiled for assuming that I didn’t smoke from time to time. I handed him
the two Game blunts that I had and made my way to the kitchen. I made up fresh
drinks for the both of us even though he declined my offer. I was sure that the
cotton mouth that comes along with smoking would kick in and he would be
thankful.
I put down our drinks and was ready to get my smoke on, but before my butt
could hit the seat, my cell phone rang. I knew who it was before I even looked at
it, after four rings, I pushed end. I didn’t want him fucking up the high I was
about to have.
“You ready for this; I bet that you ain't never had one like this before?”
 “Faking concern is not your strong suit, Lust, what is your name by the way?
I can’t go around calling out Lust every time I need you.”
“Well, at least I know that I’m not just a one night stand.”
His smiled revealing his sincerity, it made me wanted to lean into him and
taste his lip, but I wasn’t trying to jump the gun. Plus, I wanted to do this
differently than the way I had done with Breeze.
“Why don’t you stop staring at me and do the honors.”
“I wasn’t staring, I was just paying attention.”
I laughed and took the blunt from his waiting fingers that were perfectly
manicured. I didn’t even bother to deny it because it was true, I couldn’t keep
my eyes off him. It even seemed like his jeans and fitted long sleeve t-shirt were
all tailored just for him. The cream color bounced off his chocolate skin, making
it seem to glow. And although his top fit him perfectly, I imagined the shirt
screaming and begging just for a little more room. I took a puff of his strong
weed, almost coughed, but held it in. I blew the smoke out of my nose and took
in another one. By the third one, it started to seep into my bloodstream and as
they say, elevated my mind. I passed him the blunt and leaned back on the
couch. I knew that by the time we finished I would be right where I wanted to
be.
“Are you gonna answer that?” Lust asked as I continued to push END on my
phone every time it rang.
“Are you gonna pass that or what? You’re such a hoovah.”
We both knew that I was ignoring his question but he didn’t mind. He just
took another puff and handed me what I asked for. I turned off my phone and
asked him questions between my inhaling.
“So, did you come to LA just to work?”
“Yeah, I got a call three days ago from Breeze and he told me that he got a
new girl named Jezebel that would rock my world. I wanted to say no at first
because I really didn’t need the paper, but he wouldn’t let up. By the end of our
conversation he had me curious.”
“Three days ago, that’s when you found out about me?”
I knew that motherfucker Breeze was running game when he told me that his
dad had just set things up.
“Yeah, and I’m happy that I came out. You are quite intriguing.”
This time it was my house phone that rang until it went to the voicemail.
“Your turn,” I said, handing him back the feel good weed. I put my smoothly
waxed legs up on his lap and waited for his hands to bless them.
 “Someone really wants to talk to you,” he said, knowing exactly who that
someone was.
“Maybe they smell that skunk you have between your lips.”
He laughed and finally rested his free hand on my thigh. It was as warm as
his soul seemed to be.
“So how old are you, L?”
Since he hadn’t told me his name, I had decided to shorten the one that I
knew.
“I’m an old 25 years of age, baby, I must seem like a grandpa to your young
ass.”
“Boy, please, I’ve dated guys that were older than you, so that makes you
just right.”
“Okay, Goldie Locks, come and get a shotgun.”
I smiled as I straddled him and took in the smoke the old school way. I
hadn’t gotten a shotgun since high school. I exhaled what seemed to be a mile
long puff of smoke, and from that moment on, I was fucked up. I sat on his lap
trying to get my thoughts together as he watched me. He reached up, and pushed
my hair behind my ears, and held the blunt up to my mouth so that I could take a
pull.
“Are you trying to get me fucked up on purpose?”
He didn’t answer me vocally, but he did answer me with his mouth. When
his lips touched mine, I leaned into them. They were cold from the drink that he
sipped and warm from the heat that burned between us. Then the fucking house
phone rang, making him pull away.
“I really think that you should get that.”
I wanted to say hell no but the look on his face left me with no other option. I
walked to my bedroom and pushed the door leaving it cracked. I sat on the bed
and waited for the phone to ring again, and sure enough no sooner did it stop, it
started again.
“Who the fuck is this ringing my phone this early in the morning?”
“Where the fuck have you been, Jazzy? I’ve been calling your ass for a while
now, and I know that you turned off your cell phone.”
“Look, I stopped and got something to eat after I left the warehouse and my
phone lost charge. And why are you calling me anyways, shouldn’t you be
spending time with Tanya?”
“You haven’t thought of Tanya all day yet you choose now to bring her up,
don’t play these fucking games with me Jazzy.”
 “Look, Breeze, it’s been a long day and I really don’t want to this right
now.”
“We need to do this when I wanna do it and that’s the bottom line. I’m not
one of those small time dudes you’re used to fucking with. And to tell you the
truth, that’s why I’m still hanging in there with your ass. I realize that you’re not
used to a man of my caliber so I’m gonna help you out. First off, you’re gonna
have to learn how to stay in your place.”
I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. He was really popping off at the mouth
as if he was Big Willie.
“Do me a favor, Breeze, call me if I gotta a job; other than that, don’t dial my
number at all.”
I was done. I reached behind my bed, and unplugged my phone, and did the
same to the one in the kitchen.
“Did you get that all sorted out?”
“Oh, that, it was nothing, I just had to ask them to please put me on their do
not call list.”
We both laughed hard at that one. Hell, he was calling as if he were a
telemarketer.
“What’s the deal with you and Breeze?”
I was somewhat shocked that he just came right out and asked but I
appreciated the no bullshit approach. As I rolled our next blunt, I went over my
whole story from my father and mother, a little about my journey with Breeze.
And even after only receiving the short version of my life story, he seemed
blown away.
“So now he thinks that you’re his, huh?” Lust asked in that famous ‘I got a
deep pull of smoke down my throat and I don’t want to let it out yet’ voice.
“It doesn’t matter what he thinks I am L, it’s all about what I think of myself
and who I choose to give myself to. No one can have you unless you hand
yourself over to them.”
“Damn, Jazz, you just said a mouth full, baby.”
Instead of my feet, I laid my head in his lap. It was as if we had waited a
lifetime just for that moment to talk. And as the sun came up, it found us
stretched out on my couch, his hands roaming my hair, and us baring our souls
like we had never done before.
 Chapter 8

“WHAT MONEY?”
Tyree’s first film was an instant success, and he was so popular after it was
released. Fantasy Pictures received so many calls, emails, and inquiries from
fans, and producers asking questions about him. Most of them wanted to know
his contact information, his age, where he was from, and what other movies
could they expect to see him in. If he wasn’t conceited before he damn sure was
now.
“Have you seen how much fan mail I’m receiving? I never knew so many
men would want me. Damn I’m fine.”
I didn’t hear the end of it for months, hell I still haven’t heard the end of it.
He always finds a way to bring up “I’m the best”, and “I got so many fans that I
can’t even reply to all of them” every chance he gets. Yes, of course I’m a little
jealous, because I thought I was going to have the top spot. At the same time,
I’m happy for him, because I love him. Besides, I have plenty of fans as well,
but I’m sick of reading, “Konceited deserves a better top”, or “Krave, you’re so
lucky you get to fuck, and party with Konceited.” No, Konceited is lucky I found
his broke ass and helped to make him the star that he is today.
Tyree was the one who insisted on us becoming escorts, so I often wonder if
I would’ve got involved in that lifestyle if I never met him. Don’t get me wrong
I enjoy it because it’s usually quick, and we make a lot more money. Black
Dialect, a well-known east coast rapper, was actually the main reason I decided
to do it. He found our email addresses on Fantasy Picture’s website, and sent us
each an email stating he would pay us each fifteen thousand dollars in cash, and
fly us out first class if we stayed the weekend with him in his suite, at the Hilton
in Philly. He also said he would supply us with food, alcohol, weed, and cocaine
if we wanted it. We both received smaller offers at gay clubs in the past. Tyree
always wanted to accept them, but I always took it as a joke, and would laugh it
off. This particular time the offer was the highest, and too good to pass up. Black
didn’t say his name, or give away who he was. He finished the email with “call
me if you’re down and serious”, and left his cell phone number. After I checked
with Tyree, and he kept saying, “Hell yeah, let’s do it” I dialed the number. I
didn’t know who to ask for so when he picked up I asked, “Are you expecting a
call from Krave and Konceited?”
I could tell he was excited as he explained who he was. I became ecstatic
once I realized it was really Black and that it wasn’t a setup; well, it wasn’t
supposed to be. I put him on speakerphone so Tyree could hear what we were
saying, and then I gave Black our real names so he could book our flights. He
called me back the following day with all of the information that we needed,
such as the hotel address, suite number, and flight info. I was disappointed he
wasn’t picking us up, sending a car or limo for us, but I understood once he said
he didn’t want anyone to know about this. He couldn’t risk being seen picking us
up, sending a driver, or anyone period recognizing us, and telling the media that
he sent for us. He was so anxious to see us that he didn’t give us much time to
plan. We only had two days to pack, and prepare for our trip. Luckily, it was the
first weekend we had off from filming, and doing club appearances, except I
found out we had to do a scene with Domingo when we got back home. I was
pissed since Breeze knew Domingo and I didn’t care for each other. I couldn’t
dwell on it though, and had to deal with that once I returned from Philly.
Flying first class was nice and comfortable. We watched movies, played
cards, and had a few drinks. I felt tipsy by the time we arrived at Philadelphia
International Airport. After we picked up our suitcases from the baggage claim, I
followed Tyree as he staggered outside so we could catch a cab. Black
mentioned the Hilton was close to the airport, but damn I didn’t realize it was
only a two minute drive. I gave the cab driver a 20 dollar bill, and told him to
keep the change. We walked into the hotel, and I started to get a little nervous. I
was hoping Tyree wasn’t too drunk, because I didn’t want him to embarrass me.
As we approached Black’s suite I could feel the sweat on my forehead, so I used
a cocktail napkin that I had in my pocket to wipe my forehead. I knocked on the
door, and waited patiently until Black answered. He was smiling from ear to ear
when he opened the door.
“What’s up, come on in. I’m glad you guys made it.”
“So it really is you,” I said, and then smiled.
“I told you it was me, and that I wasn’t playing.”
 “I see, and I must say you look even better in person.”
“Thanks, Krave, you’re looking good yourself.”
I was enjoying the compliment, still smiling at him, and couldn’t think of
anything else to say so I asked him how he was feeling.
“I’m good, well actually I’m a little nervous now that your fine ass is here.”
“Aww, don’t be nervous, I’m—.”
Tyree cut me off.
“Speaking of fine, where’s your boy, Tay’von, or should I say Mr. Too Fine?
That’s one rapper I wouldn’t mind fucking,” Tyree slurred.
Black started laughing while I was looking at Tyree like he was crazy.
“Sorry, but Tay ain’t gay. Trust me if I couldn’t get it, you definitely
wouldn’t be able to get that ass. You’re just going to have to settle for this rapper
right here,” Black said, as he seductively looked Tyree up and down.
“Oh, don’t worry I’m gonna get that ass, too, trust,” Tyree said, as he shook
his head up and down as if he was confirming his last statement.
“I’m looking forward to it,” Black said slowly as he lustfully looked Tyree in
the eyes.
“I already know,” Tyree replied as he stared back.
“Well, um, should we --” I hesitated because I lost my train of thought.
“How about we get settled in, while you roll up some blunts Black,” I said as
I stepped in between the two of them. They were staring at each other a little too
hard, and I found myself getting jealous, but I shook that off. Well, more like
smoked it off.
As we smoked in the living room area of the suite, I looked around. There
were two bedrooms each with a queen size bed, separated by a basic looking
living room setting. I liked the bathroom because it was huge, and the lighting
was bright. There was a large mirror that almost took up an entire wall, a Jacuzzi
tub, and a shower big enough for three people, that was surrounded by
reinforced glass with a sliding door entrance. I looked over at the so called
kitchen area which was small, and disappointing. I’m used to staying in rented
mansions in Hollywood when we’re filming big productions, so he definitely
could’ve picked a better place; but making fifteen thousand to have sex there
was fine with me.
“I have a confession to make. I’m a huge fan, and I’ve seen all of your
movies,” Black stated as he looked at us hungrily.
“I figured as much.” I replied.
“How is that?” Black asked as if he really wanted to know the answer.
 “Anyone who is willing to pay a lot of money to spend some time with us
must know who we are, and how we get down.”
“True, but I’m sure there are plenty of rich men who will pay big money for
a chance to experience you two. You’re both sexy, and hung so rather they know
you or not they’ll pay for some good dick.”
“Is that right?” Tyree asked as if Black finally got his attention again.
“Hell yeah! How do you think DL celebrities like me enjoy sex with men?
We can’t go around fucking anybody that we want; we might fuck someone who
likes to run his mouth. The next thing you know we will be on the cover of
tabloids, and being talked about on the blogs, so we hire professionals who can
respect our privacy.”
“That makes sense,” I replied.
“You said DL celebrities like yourself? Who else is DL? Tell us some big
stars that we’d never suspect,” Tyree demanded.
“Come on, Konceited, you know I can’t put people’s business out there like
that,” Black said, trying to laugh it off.
“Okay, fine, just tell us three.”
“I’m sorry but here I am trying so hard to hide the fact that I’m bi. What kind
of hypocrite would that make me if I told other people’s sexual preferences?
Plus, I don’t know all of the undercover celebrities in the industry so the ones
that would actually shock or surprise you would surprise me, too.”
“Yeah whatever you know, you just don’t want to tell us. I heard about those
parties, or should I say orgies you guys be having,” Tyree said and then laughed
as he grabbed his bulge.
“I wish that’s how it was, trust me, but that sounds more like a porno flick if
you ask me,” Black said.
“Speaking of porn what’s it like being a porn star?”
“It’s great. We are paid a lot of money to have sex, something we both
already enjoy doing. It’s pretty much a bonus, the cherry on top if you know
what I mean. I did some research though and do you know I could never be a
teacher, a politician, or a whole bunch of other shit? Plus, if I ever wanted to be a
serious actor, no producer or director would take me serious, or hire me no
matter how good my acting skills are just because I’ve done porn. Isn’t that
some fucked up shit?” I asked.
“Krave, put the blunt down, you’re thinking too deep into this shit. Plus, I
think Black was actually asking me that question since I’m the star,” Tyree said
before he started laughing. Black looked a little uncomfortable, but then he
started smiling at Tyree. I didn’t find that shit funny at all, and Tyree could tell.
“You know I was just playing, right?” Tyree asked. “Come on, you set
yourself up for that one,” he added.
“Whatever, you play too much,” I replied, but was still annoyed.
“Don’t be like that. I was just fucking with you. I thought you would find it
funny since we were just joking about that the other day.”
“Yeah, okay, answer his question then,” I said with an attitude.
“Well, all I know is being a porn star is the best thing for me at this point in
my life. I see myself having a long run at this, so by the time I’m finished, I
should have enough money saved up so that I’ll never have to work again,”
Tyree said as if he was sure of himself.
“You got it all figured out, huh?” Black asked.
“I like to think so,” Tyree replied.
“I hear you,” Black said.
“But none of that even matters right now, because right now we’re here to
please you, so when are we getting down to business?” Tyree asked. “I’m
feeling good, and I want do this while I’m still high,” he added.
The thought of sexing Black started to make Tyree’s dick hard, and it was
obvious. It was interesting to watch how easy, and how fast Tyree got hooked on
having sex with men for money. I doubt he would ever admit it, but I knew he
enjoyed the sex just as much as the money if not more.
“I need to use the bathroom, while you two get comfortable in my room,”
Black said as he walked toward the bathroom.
I got up, and started heading toward Black’s room when I felt Tyree smack
me hard on the ass. It hurt, and it kind of turned me on at the same time, but I
turned around and looked at Tyree like he had lost his damn mind.
“Are you still mad at me?” Tyree asked with that sexy smile on his face.
“Naw, I’m not mad at your drunk ass,” I replied.
“Good, because you know we’re both stars, so let’s get naked, and go make
this money,”
Tyree said as he took off his shirt and tossed it on the couch.
As we were in the room naked and kissing waiting on Black, I thought it
would be cool to record us so that one day we could sit back and watch our
experience fucking a famous rapper.
“Ty, do you think I should hide my camera, and tape us fucking him?”
“Yeah, set that shit up, and hurry up before he comes in here,” I put the small
digital camcorder on top of the dresser and threw some clothes on top of it. I
made sure there was a clear view of the bed before I started recording.
“Make sure you cover up that light because it’s flashing, come on, man. If
we’re gonna do this, make sure we don’t get caught. That’ll be embarrassing,
and you’re explaining that shit if he notices it,” Tyree said as he was looking out
for Black.
I moved the shirt over a little to the right covering up the red light, and then I
jumped on the bed. Tyree joined me and started to kiss me as Black walked in. I
was watching his eyes to see if he noticed the camera but his high ass didn’t
even look over at the dresser. Black untied the towel he had around his waist and
let it fall to the floor as he got on the bed. That was when I actually stopped and
checked him out, and not only was he attractive, but he had a nice body too. His
skin was the color of butter and looked like it was just as smooth. His lips had a
natural hint of pink to them, and it made me want to kiss them to see if they
tasted as good as they looked. When I looked into his eyes, they were absent of
any hate, and did not reveal his hard past. They were small and slanted as if he
was always high and I found that to be sexy. His baldhead and swagger made
my dick hard and I couldn't wait to jump into that ass. Too bad I wasn't the first
choice on his sexual menu. Tyree was the prized dish that night. He didn’t waste
no time, and immediately started giving Tyree head. I was laying there watching
everything, and it was hot because Black definitely had skills when it came to
performing on the mic, but I felt like he forgot about me. I grabbed his hand and
tried to pull him over on my side, but he just grabbed my dick and started
stroking it as he continued to please Tyree. That made me even more frustrated
because I could’ve done that myself. Since Black wasn’t paying me any
attention, except getting my dick semi hard with his hand I had to get my dick
wet another way. Tyree didn’t mind helping me out with that. After Tyree gave
me head, I was fully hard and ready to get up in Black, since he seemed to still
be enjoying the taste of Tyree’s dick. Black was definitely used to getting
fucked, because after I put a condom on I slid right in his ass, surprisingly it was
still good though. No matter what position, or how hard I fucked him he never
ran from the dick. He was a pro, and threw it back on me. After an hour of
nonstop fucking, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to bust. It felt so good that
after I finished I was laid out on the bed beside them. Tyree was ready to take his
turn now, so after he strapped up, he bent Black over, and started getting it in.
Black was moaning louder, and was trying to run from the dick this time. I
understood because Tyree’s dick takes some getting used to. After Black got
used to it though and was relaxed, Tyree and Black were both moaning from the
pleasure that they were receiving. I laid there watching my man fuck someone
else wondering if that’s how he looks when he’s fucking me. Black was a greedy
bottom too, because he couldn’t get enough. Almost two hours of riding, and
taking it in multiple positions, he still didn’t want Tyree to finish. I started to feel
horny again. I stood up so Black could suck me up while he rode Tyree. He was
so focused on Tyree that he didn’t even realize I was there. I had to literally pick
his head up, and face it toward my dick for him to get the hint. Black would suck
me good for a minute, then stop, so I was pissed because he hooked Tyree up all
that time, now he wanted to act like his mouth was tired.
“Man, you’re killing me. My jaw and throat hurts,” Black said.
“Well, I guess were both gonna have to fuck you then,” I replied.
“Don’t worry you can get it again as soon as Konceited is finished,” Black
said letting it be known.
“Why wait?” I asked. “I think there’s room up there for one more.”
“Yeah right, I don’t think that’s happening,” Black said before he started
laughing.
I wasn’t laughing. I put another condom on, grabbed some Vaseline, lubed
up, and got behind Black as he was still riding. I pushed his body lower toward
Tyree, and I slowly slid my dick inside of him. He tried to run, and pull away but
we we’re both holding him still. He would go from “I can’t take it”, to “go
faster” every other minute. Tyree has long stamina and can hold back for hours,
but I think the tightness of the ass, and the rubbing of our dicks together at the
same time was too much for him because he came a few minutes later. I didn’t
care, especially since Tyree’s now semi hard dick wasn’t sliding out, so I kept
pounding Black for a good 20 minutes in that same position before I finished.
That first night was awkward, because as Black rinsed off I hid the camera,
and then after we both showered I couldn’t tell if Black expected us to sleep with
him, or if he was sleeping alone. I was happy when he said, “I’m about to go lay
down. Have a good night” because I wanted to sleep with my man alone. The
next day was cool. Black ordered room service, and movies throughout the day.
We got high, laughed, played cards, and talked. Black was actually a pretty cool
guy. That night after we had a delicious dinner, Black wanted some more, and
was ready for round two. The sex was better the second night, he made sure to
give us both a lot of attention, and he even asked could we try to DP him again,
which we did. I wish I caught that night on tape because we fucked him all over
that suite. This time after he showered, Black started packing up all of his stuff.
He said he couldn’t stay the night, but we could stay until checkout time, which
was that Sunday at noon.
“There’s one blunt left, should we smoke it before I head out?” Black asked.
Of course I said yes because I never turn down free weed. As we smoked
Black looked tense and nervous so I had a feeling something was up. After we
finished the blunt he gathered all of his things, and was heading toward the door.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” I asked.
“Naw, I’m good. I got everything, and um… thanks again. I’ll hit you up the
next time I’m in L.A,” Black said nonchalantly.
“HOLD THE FUCK UP. WHAT ABOUT OUR MONEY?” Tyree asked
loudly.
“WHAT MONEY?” Black said defensively.
“I know this motherfucka didn’t just say what money,” Tyree said, as he
looked at me and started to walk toward Black.
“Come on, Black, don’t do that. You know you owe us our money,” I said
calmly as I stepped in between the two of them.
“Look, I don’t have it. You got a free trip, smoked up my weed, and you
both got to fuck me so be happy with what you got. Peace out!”
“Oh, I am happy, happy that we got your ass on tape. I’m sure we will make
more than thirty thousand when we sell it to the media,” Tyree said seriously.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Black asked nervously.
“You heard me, nigga. While you were in the bathroom, we set up a hidden
camera. We just wanted it for our personal use, but now that we know you were
planning on ripping us off…well the circumstances have changed now haven’t
they?”
“You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t blackmail me.”
“It’s not blackmail…it’s business, so try me. You have until check out time
to get us the money, or I’m selling the memory card to the highest bidder,”
Tyree said, making it clear.
“Okay, calm down I just need to make a telephone call real quick.”
Tyree and I went back in the bedroom while Black was in the living room
area talking on his cell phone. We laughed at how good we played him, and
Tyree told me he was glad I thought about hiding the camera. We were high as
shit, our adrenaline was pumping, we were feeling good until that pinch of
paranoid kicked in and we started tripping thinking Black would send his people
in with guns, or something forcing us to give up the camera. I’m quick on my
feet so I downloaded the footage to my laptop, and emailed a copy to myself just
for a little insurance in case he tried something crazy. If he did I was going to
make sure the World knew how Black really got down. After I put the laptop
away, and put the camera back in the dresser underneath some clothes Black
knocked on the bedroom door. I told Tyree to answer it
“Did you work it out?” Tyree asked as he opened the door.
“Yeah, your money will be here before noon tomorrow. If you can just give
me the memory card, or let me watch you destroy it I’ll be on my way.”
“You can have it when we get our money, until then we’re keeping it,” I
replied.
“Look, I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you two. I got some
business to take care of. I’ll tell Carmello to destroy it when he delivers the
money tomorrow. Is that cool?” Black said as he reached out his hand for Tyree
to shake.
“That’ll work,” Tyree said totally ignoring his hand gesture
“Okay, cool, well I’m sorry things went down like this. I—”
Tyree slammed the bedroom door in his face, and yelled “YOU CAN SEE
YOURSELF OUT.”
Damn I was so turned on by my man standing up for us. I didn’t think his
skinny ass had it in him. We started having sex as we watched the video of us
fucking Black on my laptop until we were both tired, and worn out. The next day
we got up, ordered a bunch of shit from room service knowing we weren’t going
to eat it all. Black had to pay with a credit card so we charged some extra shit to
his bill just for being a dick. We emptied the mini bar, ordered a movie,
showered, got dressed, and then packed up our stuff. I started to think no one
was coming with the money until we heard a knock on the door thirty minutes
before check out time.
I looked at Tyree like you know the deal, so he answered it.
“WHO IS IT?” Tyree yelled as he looked through the peephole.
“Carmello.”
“Do you have something for us?” Tyree asked.
“I do.”
Tyree opened the door and stepped aside for Carmello. I was surprised to see
this serious looking man walk in wearing a tailored made suit. He was tall, fine,
with a smooth chocolate complexion, short wavy hair, and his facial hair looked
fresh, the lines were shaped perfectly. I was expecting some big and tall
bodyguard looking dude wearing street clothes to drop off the money.
“Hey, what’s up? Is that our money?” I asked referring to the hot Versace
book bag he dropped down on the table.
 “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t,” Carmello responded.
“I feel you, the whole thirty thousand?” I asked just to make sure.
“Actually it’s forty thousand for the inconvenience.”
“Are you serious?” I asked excitedly.
“You can count it if you want to,” Carmello replied.
“I think I will,” Tyree said as he picked the book bag up off the table.
“Once he counts the money I’ll destroy the memory card,” I said as I caught
myself checking Carmello out again for the third time.
“Actually Black asked me to bring it to him, so he can destroy it.”
“That’s fine. It doesn’t matter to me.” I replied.
Tyree finished counting the money, which wasn’t hard since Carmello
brought four stacks of hundreds each adding up to ten thousand dollars. I walked
to the bedroom, retrieved the memory card, walked up to Carmello, and handed
it to him. I’ll never forget the smirk he made as he looked it over. It made me
think he had other plans for it, and as pissed as I was at Black, I hoped he could
trust this man.
“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there’s something on this tape that
Black doesn’t want anyone to see, especially since the price tag was so high.
Three men in a suite, with no women in sight I can only imagine what’s on
here,” Carmello said not really addressing either of us, since he was still looking
down at his purchase.
Neither one of us commented on that.
“Well, at least tell me he wasn’t the bottom.” Carmello said casually.
I didn’t respond, but I looked at Tyree and he was shaking his head up and
down with a big ass smile on his face as if he was still thinking about that ass.
“It always seems to be the ones talking about no homo, or who you’d never
suspect who are really getting it in behind closed doors,” Carmello said as
started walking toward the door to leave. “It was nice doing business with you
fellas. Here’s my card, call me if this should happen again, with Black, or with
anyone else famous,” He added as he handed each of us a card. Then, he left out
and closed the door behind him as we stood there in total shock. He was in such
a rush to leave that he forgot his expensive book bag, but I didn’t mind because I
kept it, and as a matter of fact I used it as my carry-on as we flew back to L.A.
On the flight home, all I thought about was how wild that experience was. One
thing I learned from it was to always get the money upfront, so from that point
on that’s what we did.
 Chapter 9

“They’re all the fucking same.”

I woke up to the sweet sounds of Sade and the smell of coffee brewing. I
didn’t remember getting into bed or falling asleep with my clothes on, but my
mouth was dry and tasted like the good weed that Lust and I puffed on earlier
that morning. I made my way to my bathroom and put toothpaste on my tooth
brush and entered the hot soothing shower. When I finally laid eyes on my little
piece of heaven who I liked to call L, I was in the bedroom putting lotion on. I
stayed quiet and waited to hear what he had to say. Although my mind raced
with a million thoughts, I just couldn’t and wouldn’t allow myself to put them all
out on Front Street.
“Why are you doing that?” he asked as I pulled up my pants.
“Should I have stayed naked?” I asked as I playfully pulled my pants down.
When they reached my knees, I felt his hand pulling them back up.
“That’s not what I meant, although the sight of your ass ain’t a bad thing.”
He patted me on my butt once my pants were around my waist than laid on my
bed with his hands behind his head. I sat beside him and slipped my hand up his
shirt and ran my hand up his rock hard stomach.
“What?”
He had just been laying there and looking at me for so long that I had to ask,
“Why don’t you just say what you’re thinking, what you feel?” he asked.
“Who said that I was thinking about anything? What are you, a mind reader
now?”
“Okay, hide if you want to, but your real thoughts will always find you and
reveal who you really are.”
The shit that he had just said was so real that I had no come back. I just
quietly removed my hands from under his shirt and pretended to look through
the phone book that sat on my nightstand. He sat up with each leg on both sides
of me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and kissed my cheek. For the first
time since meeting him, his closeness felt uncomfortable.
“Didn’t you make coffee? I thought that I smelled some when I was headed
to the shower?”
I got up and left him sitting on my bed. When he joined me in the kitchen, I
had already poured myself a cup and asked him if he wanted a refill.
“Nah, I’m good. I was thinking about heading out anyways.”
My heart skipped a beat. I just knew that my fucked up way of thinking
ruined my chance with yet another good guy.
“Where are you going? I thought that maybe we could chill a little more?”
The words fumbled out of my mouth at lightning speed, not that I wanted
them to. It was an impulse that I could not contain, I had wanted him to stay and
there was no denying that. He smiled as he thought of the words just spoken in
the bedroom. There I was trying to stay mum on my thoughts, yet they flew out
of my mouth with no filter just moments later.
“Well, I was going to head back home today. I was gonna go get my things
from the hotel, ask you to have lunch, then head on my way.”
Well at least he was going to have lunch with me I thought as I sipped my
coffee.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. That’s cool, okay, um, I thought, it
doesn’t matter. I guess, I’ll see you in a few.”
My words came out a jumbled mess causing me to be embarrassed. I needed
to get away as soon as possible. He must have thought that I was off my rocker. I
couldn’t talk straight and I damn near ran to my bedroom. Once in there I closed
the door and leaned against it waiting to hear the door slam behind him as he
left. Usually I welcomed that sound but that day, I wanted to hear the opposite.
I must have stood there for 20 minutes before my feet would let me move.
How could I have been such a dumbass? What did I expect? I had just met Lust
yet I had already started to build false hope. It never even entered my mind that
he would still get up and leave in the morning. It was as if I was in a dream
world where only he and I lived, at least that’s how it felt the night before. I was
blown, and there was only one thing that I liked to do when that happened. I
went to the living room and sat down on the same couch that Lust and I shared. I
took the half smoked blunt that we hadn’t finished the night before and lit up.
The thoughts of Lust raced through my mind then settling on Breeze. What
happened? When did he become such an asshole? There were so many things
that I liked about him yet he turned me off when it came to other things. I puffed
on my weed and daydreamed about combining Lust and Breeze into one man,
god how good would that be? My thoughts ran wild the higher I got leaving me
mentally exhausted. I was sound asleep before I could even finish my fantasy.
I opened my eyes and was fixated on the clock. Four fucking 30 and he still
hadn’t shown up.
“They’re all the fucking same,” I said out loud in disgust. Then I heard what
sounded like the page turn of a book. I slowly turned around and saw Lust sitting
in the chair with his foot up on my ottoman.
“What are you reading?” I asked hoping that he didn’t hear my last statement
“It’s called The Art of Deceit by a writer named Fabiola. I don’t really read
books like this but this joint is off the hook.”
“What made you pick it up? The cover is what would have grabbed my
attention.”
“A friend of mine had it and put me on to it. I’m not done with it but it’s off
the hook. It’s about a video girl that goes for broke. She will do anything to
make sure she gets with the rich and famous. God help you if you cross her;
Tangie is no joke,” he said, while laughing. He went over the book with me
although I was only halfway listening. My mind was stuck on my last statement,
and I just knew that he heard it. When I focused back on his voice, all I heard
was, “There’s this girl named Shamika and she’s fucking with Tangie hard. I
can’t wait to see how Tangie is going to set her up.”
“You’re gonna have to let me check that out,” I said, covering that fact that I
only heard the end.
“So, I was thinking that maybe we could have lunch and hang out a bit
before I leave. There’s a Caribbean day parade going on and I thought that it
might be fun. We could have some Jamaican food for lunch and check out the
different booths and performers.”
I nodded my head and went to the bedroom to get ready. I wasn’t happy that
he had to go but I was going to enjoy the time that we were going to have
together. I looked through the bag of clothes that Breeze brought for me and
wondered if Lust wanted to or liked to see me in my new sexy attire.
“What do you think?” I asked turning around in an all-black number that
Breeze brought with the back out.
“Um, that’s nice but maybe you can try this on.” Lust walked over to where
two shopping bags were and picked them up.
“You got me a gift?” I asked, eyes damn near gleaming with excitement.
“Yeah, I didn’t know what your wardrobe was like and this is really a dress
down kind of thing. I just wanted you to kind of fit in with everyone there. It’s
still sexy but just not with everything showing.”
I didn’t know if I should feel offended or be thankful. I just knew that in the
future, I would have to show him that I was not a one trick pony. Shit, he didn’t
know me for too long so he shouldn’t just think that I dressed like a whore all of
the time.
“When did you have time to buy this?” I asked as I pulled out the contents of
the bag.
“While I was driving back here I saw the flyer in my car and thought that we
should go. Then I thought about the number you had on last night and I thought,
let me stop and pick her up a little something.”
He said this all while laughing but it wasn’t funny to me. I already had one
guy trying to change me, I didn’t need two.
“You know what’s funny, the clothes that I had on is what attracted you to
me, yet you don’t want to be seen out in public because of how I dress.”
“It’s not that at all, I just didn’t want to be over dressed for where we were
going. Trust me; Caribbean girls are not shy when it comes to showing skin.”
“Whatever, I just wish that people would stop trying to change me. That shit
is getting pretty old.”
“I’m not trying to fucking change you, goddamn. You just can’t wear that
shit anytime you want Jasmine. If Breeze brought you that shit the least he could
have done was explain THAT to you.”
He was pissed and I was at fault. I just couldn’t help it, I felt like I was being
pulled at both ends.
“Look, you don’t have to wear the shit if you don’t want. I was just trying to
be nice; I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.”
“It’s cool, I’ll try it on,” I said picking the clothes up and heading to my
room. I was starting to regret my outburst and hoped that he could overlook it. In
all actuality, what he bought wasn’t that bad. The more I looked at myself in the
really short jeans shorts and cutoff shirt, the more I liked it. It wasn’t the skanky
clothes that Breeze adorned me with, yet I felt sexy and womanly.
“Okay, I’m ready to go,” I said while picking up my purse and keys.
“Are we taking your car or mine?”
“We can ride in mine,” he answered, and then we left.

*****
 We rode in semi silence with me only speaking when spoken to. I held in the
contentment and joy that I felt. It made me feel almost normal to be out on a
date. It also reminded me of the old days when I would just agree to go out with
a guy just to get away from my mom.
“Why are you so quiet all of the sudden?” Lust ripped me away from my
thoughts with his question.
“Just thinking about last night, I really had a good time,” I lied, while telling
the truth. I put my hand on his thigh and gave it a light squeeze.
“You are fucking crazy, you know that?” Lust was joking when he said that
but there was some truth to it.
“Well, a little crazy is okay sometimes.”
“And that’s the fucked up part about it, Jazzy, your craziness is what draws
me to you. It makes things kinda fun and I’m sure it will keep me on my toes.”
He reached over and ran his finger through my hair and down to my neck,
his hand sent the same chill down my spine as the first time he touched me. For
the rest of the ride, we kept our hands on each other. Not sexually but in an
affectionate manner. We felt to each other like lovers that still had the same heat
between them, and that fire seemed to still burn with lust. I wanted him on top of
me and inside of me as soon as possible.
The Caribbean festival was amazing. The food was on point, the performers
rocked the stage and the people were mellow. Lust and I had a blast buying art,
handmade jewelry, and enjoying music. We walked, ate, and danced as if we
were the only two people there. We were never more than one foot away from
each other. The heat was felt from more than the weather. We had gotten there at
3:00p.m., and by 7:00PM that night, I was ready to fuck his brains out, but he
wanted to stay and see the last performer. The old school reggae singer cooed
like a sweet humming bird as our bodies tried to become one. We slow danced
and whined to the sound and words of the music.
“I wish you would stay longer, but just like magic you were gone.”
The performer sung and as our bodies intertwined, I felt the words in my
soul. I held on to him as if I were losing him that very moment. When our lips
met, they went deeper than the touch on the surface. I inhaled everything about
him, his scent, his touch, and his love. I felt safe in his arms, I felt wanted, I felt
needed, and I felt the affection he had for me. And as the rain started to pour, we
and a lot of other people kept dancing. We figured that if the people on stage
could endure the rain then so could we. The mood of the day shadowed us as the
sun went down and nightfall graced us with its darkness. We sipped on the
Jamaican rum chasers as rain drops dripped in our cups, making the strong liquor
easier to get down. Once done with mine, I turned around and faced him. I slow
whined my hips into him and leaned in to taste his lips again. After a minute of
that, I was really ready to go. I took his hand and pulled him toward the car.
Once in I jumped out of my seat and straddled him. I kissed his lips and pulled
off his wet shirt before pulling my own off. I licked his rain soaked neck as I
tried to unbutton his jeans.
“Hold up, Jasmine, there are too many people out here. I’ll drive home as
fast as possible, trust me,” he said while flashing his seductive smile. I
reluctantly went back to my seat and crossed my legs to stop the pulsating storm
that was brewing between my legs.
“You really want what you want when you want it, huh?” he asked while
rubbing my left nipple through my bra. He was teasing and I wasn’t going to
take it lying down.
“Yeah, I like to have things my way, and to tell you the truth, I usually do.”
I reached over to him as he drove and unbuttoned his pants before he could
stop me. I reached in and pulled out his rock hard dick and it brought a smile to
my face. It was big, brown, and gorgeous.
“Looks like I wasn’t the only one who was ready to get it in.”
“What can I say baby, I may be able to lie but he’s never really had a good
poker face,” Lust said speaking of his male parts.
I rubbed Mr. {not so} Mini Chocolate Bar and I was surprise to see that even
though I was happy with its size before, it was a mistake to think that it couldn’t
get any bigger. I wanted to taste him and I wasn’t going to wait.
“Whoa, what are you doing Jazzy, you gonna fuck around and make me
crash.”
“Don’t do that, I wouldn’t want to be found with a dick in my mouth, know
what I mean?”
We laughed as I covered the head of his dick with my lips. This wasn’t
something that I loved to do, but with him it brought me great pleasure. I loved
how he started to fuck my mouth the better it got for him, and when we pulled
into my parking lot he was ready for the goodies. He damn near pushed me out
of his Navigator, and we hurried to my door while touching and kissing each
other. He stood behind me playing with my nipples and kissing my neck as I
stumbled with the keys and couldn’t get it in the door.
“It’s a good thing that you’re not the one who has to find the hole,” he said
as we let the alcohol’s effect take over us. While I tiptoed on the drunken border,
Lust was only tipsy. Once inside of my living room, I started to undress and give
out orders.
“Put on that Gregory Isaacs CD that you just got.”
On my way to the bedroom, I heard the sweet sounds of Gregory Isaacs
singing his sweet love song.
“Tell her try her best just to make it quick, woman tend to the sick. 'Cause
there must be something she can do, this heart is broken in two. Tell her it a case
of emergency; it’s a patient by the name of Gregory. NIGHT NURSE.
The music took us both back to the festival and we picked up right where we
left off. He must have kissed me from my head to my toes. He left nothing
unattended to. He made pure love to me. When I got on top of him, I made sure
to keep my eyes locked on his. I watched everything that he wanted to say flash
through his eyes. We came together and sounded like wild beaches as our bodies
trembled and shook violently. We both were pleased beyond any words could
express. I lay beside him drenched in our sweet love sweat and I could no longer
keep in what was on my mind.
“Why can’t you stay?”
“Here, with you or in Cali?”
“Whichever one, it doesn’t matter, you pick.”
“Well, I only really come down here to work, Jazz, this is not my home.”
“Why can’t it be? I just want to spend more time with you, is that too much
to ask?”
He didn’t have the answer that I was looking for. There were things that he
would have to tell me but he just didn’t think that it was the right time. Yes, we
had only known each other for a few days but he was kind of feeling the same
way I was. He would have loved to stay but he had other responsibility that he
just couldn’t turn his back on.
“How about if I extend my trip a few more days? I’ll be back to see you soon
and make it a longer trip. Maybe by then we can talk and figure something out.”
I wasn’t going to push the issue, he promised to stay a few days longer than
planned and I was just going to have to take that deal.
“Fine, but don’t make me wait too long to see you again, I won’t be able to
go too long without LUSTING.”
We took a shower together and he gave me another round of back breaking
sex. We slept like babies that night, well, until someone tried to damn near
kicked my door in at 3:00AM that morning.
 *****

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked Breeze as he pushed past me.
“Where have you been? I’ve been calling and you haven’t picked up, and
that’s not like you so I got worried,” he lied as he looked around my apartment.
“How did you know where I live?”
“I looked it up from your file. Are you here alone?” he asked although he
already knew the answer to that. Unbeknownst to me, he was outside of my
house ever since I came from the festival. It took everything in him not to jump
out of his car and question Lust and me about out whereabouts.
“That’s none of your business, and didn’t I tell you not to contact me unless
it was about work.”
Breeze was blown away by my new attitude. He thought that I was wrapped
around his little finger. He just knew that he had me where he wanted me and to
him it was because of someone new. He knew it was Lust’s fault and he blamed
him for the change in me.
“What’s going on out here? Are you okay, Jasmine?” Lust appeared in the
doorway of my bedroom with squinted eyes and no shirt.
“Yeah, it’s cool, Breeze just stopped by to check on me.”
The expression on Lust’s face said it all. He wasn’t buying my bullshit.
“Yeah, well maybe if I lived in L.A. I would have gotten the drop by and
check in treatment, too. I guess Breeze is good that way, huh?”
The sarcasm was so thick in the air that you could have cut it with a knife. I
watched Breeze’s jaw tightened as his temper boiled out of control.
“Did you piss and mark your territory in here or something? I thought that
you already did that back in Jersey?”
I watched the two men face off as if they were two pit bulls waiting to rip
into each other.
“What the fuck is your problem man? I thought that we were cool? If I was
stepping on your toes, well Jasmine didn’t say so.”
“Maybe you should say that Jazzy might be stepping on your wife’s toes. By
the way she called, she wanted to know why you haven’t called ‘cause from
what she knew, you were set to come home yesterday.”
It was as if everything and everyone in the apartment had stopped. I walked
over to the couch and sat down before I looked over at Lust. I was trying to read
his face but he wasn’t looking at me. He was giving Breeze the death stare and
looked like he was about to tic and fuck him up at any minute.
“You’re fucking married, are you kidding me?”
“Oh, he forgot to tell you that part, huh? Well, his wife is looking for him
and she’s pretty pissed that he hasn’t called home.”
“Motherfucker you know that Kiki and me are separated. I told you way
back that I caught her cheating and decided to leave her ass. Is this the only thing
that you could think of to use when you came over here?”
“Yeah, you’re separated yet living in the same house. Get the fuck out of
here with that bullshit nigga. Get this, a porn star leaving his wife ‘cause she
cheated, you’re gonna have to do better than that, COME ON!”
Breeze although laughing while delivering his last statement, was just as hot
as Lust was. His tone had changed and had a hint of street in that I had never
heard from him before. As Lust came out of the doorway and got closer to him, I
couldn’t decide who was going to win a fight if they decided to take it there.
Both Lust and Breeze looked like they were willing to go the limit.
“If he’s lying then why didn’t you tell me?” I asked as I got between the two
men and faced Lust.
“I was going to tell you when I thought that it was appropriate. We just met
and I didn’t want to scare you away.”
“Don’t you think that you should have given me the option to make my own
choice and assessment of the situation? What the fuck is wrong with you lying
ass men, DAMN.”
I was disgusted and disappointed. I thought that Lust was an exception to the
rule but once again, my earlier statement was right.
“YOU ARE ALL THE FUCKING SAME,” I screamed and I walked to my
bedroom.
“Hold up, Jasmine, you’re taking this shit all wrong; I was gonna tell---”
“You weren’t gonna tell me shit, you fucking liar,” I said as I walked back
toward him.
“Yo, the fucked up part about this is that you’re not even asking me if what
this nigga just said is true. As soon as he said it you just took it and ran with it.”
“Is it fucking true, are you married and living with your wife?”
He didn’t answer and that told me all that I need to know.
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.”
I was done with him. It wasn’t the fact that he was married, it was that he
didn’t tell me. Lust and I had shared a lot of information yet he left that fact out.
Although I’m guilty myself for not sharing the whole truth about Breeze and me,
I didn’t care. The ties that bind Breeze and I didn’t run as deep as marriage.
I went into my room and closed the door. I didn’t want to see Lust leave
because I may have stopped him. I heard it but wouldn’t be able to handle seeing
it, my heart was too weak and open for that.
“Jazzy, can I come in?”
I heard Breeze asking as I lay on my bed. I didn’t answer forcing him to
come in anyway.
“Jazzy, I didn’t want things to go down like that but once I saw him here I
just had to let you know who you were dealing with.”
We both knew he was lying but I didn’t have it in me to fight anymore.
“I may be a lot of things Jazzy, but the good thing is that at least you know
me. I don’t have much to lie about; I’m pretty much straight up.”
He lied so much that everything that just came out of his mouth was a
fragment of his imagination. I hardly knew anything about him and he planned
on lying to me constantly. Straight up shouldn’t have not ever been in his
vocabulary.
“I know that I fly off the handle sometimes but I really like you Jazz. I’m not
just gonna stand by and let some off brand dude play games with your head. I’m
here to look out for you, baby.
His words although all lies, were what I needed to hear at that moment. I was
never one for abandonment. I always needed someone there, someone to love me
and make me feel special. And since I had just gotten rid of Lust, I was happy
that Breeze was there to take the empty place in my bed where there once was a
man.
I sat up and kissed his lips as tears ran down my face. It wasn’t as fulfilling
as the tender kisses I had gotten from Lust, but they would do. As I once again
let a man invade my body and mind that night, I thought of the one that left. I
was missing him already. It was going to be hard getting over that one and I
didn’t know if I was going to win that fight or if I was just going to throw the
towel in and give Lust a call.
 Chapter 10

“Dickin’ Down Domingo”

Once we got back from Philly, I called Breeze because I wanted him to
recast Dickin’ Down Domingo. Everyone at work pretty much knew that
Domingo didn’t like me, so I was surprised when I found out Breeze wanted us
to be in a movie together.
“Look, sometimes in this business you have to put your feelings aside and
film scenes with people you don’t necessary want to have sex with. Your main
focus should be the money, and giving the fans what they want to see,” Breeze
said as he tried to convince me.
“Look, Breeze, I hear what you’re saying, but just hire two other guys
because I’m NOT DOING IT.”
“Okay, calm down, Jamar. I can tell you’re serious about this so I’ll take care
of it.”
I was relieved to know that was over with. I was drained and tired so I just
wanted to sleep in on Monday. I woke up alone a little after noon. I knew Ebony
had to work, but Tyree should’ve been home that day. I tried calling his cell
phone twice, but I received his voicemail both times. I assumed he went to the
mall since that was his favorite place ever since he started making money. I
waited until 3:00 PM, and since he still wasn’t home, or answering his cell I
called Ebony to see if she saw Tyree when she was getting ready for work.
“Yeah, I saw him. I asked him what he was doing up so early, and he said he
had to work today. Why? He didn’t tell you?” Ebony asked as if she was
concerned.
“No, I didn’t even hear him get up, or get ready. He must’ve slept out in the
living room last night,” I replied.
I couldn’t believe Tyree still filmed that scene after I told him we weren’t
doing it.
 “See if you were calling my insurance company figuring out what the fuck is
wrong instead of gossiping on the telephone I wouldn’t be standing here wasting
my time.” I heard some female yell, and it sounded like she was yelling at
Ebony.
“Who is that? Is she talking to you?” I asked since I was confused.
“Yes, and I need to go because this bitch is pissing me the fuck off.” Ebony
replied, and it sounded like she was frustrated.
“Okay, handle that,” I said as I laughed, and ended the call.
I wasn’t going to wait around for Tyree to come home to find out what
happened. I drove up to Fantasy Pictures to see for myself. When I arrived
Tyree’s new black Mercedes S600 was gone, so I must’ve just missed him.
Domingo was smirking, and smiling at me as he got in his Cadillac Escalade. It
seemed like he was trying to rub it in that he just had sex with my man. Before
he drove off, he took one last look at me and winked. Right then and there I
knew Tyree had just finished fucking Domingo. Breeze was still there so I went
upstairs and knocked, well more liked banged on his office door.
“COME IN!” Breeze yelled loud enough for me to hear him.
I walked in and as soon as Breeze looked up from his computer and realized
it was me he started smiling.
“I thought you were enjoying your day off Jamar,” Breeze said sarcastically.
“I was until I realized Tyree still fucked Domingo today. What happened? I
thought you said you would take care of it. That’s fucked up Breeze. You lied to
me,” I said trying to sound as mad and hurt as possible.
“I don’t have time for this, especially when I’m the boss and I say what goes
down here, NOT YOU. You said you didn’t want to do the movie, so I helped
you out and hired Blaze to play your part. I called Tyree and asked him if he still
wanted to do it the movie, and he said, ‘I’ll do it. I’ve been waiting to fuck
Domingo.’ As a matter of fact he was excited about it, so there you go… I took
care of it.”
“Why did you have to call Tyree? I had already told him we were off today.”
“Look I appreciate you Jamar, but don’t you ever question me, or my
decisions. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”
I never saw Breeze turn so red, and sound so serious before so I didn’t feel
like arguing with him, especially since Tyree agreed to do it.
“I understand,” I replied sounding disappointed.
I turned around to walk out of his office.
“And the next time I hire you for a movie I don’t expect you to question me
about it, or back out of it.”
I didn’t reply. I just shut the door, and then headed home. Tyree finally
called me back, and said he was going to the bank, the mall, and then picking us
up something to eat for dinner so we could talk since he obviously knew by now
that I had an attitude.
It was after 7:00PM when Tyree finally made it home that evening. He knew
I was upset, but he still had the nerve to beep the horn, because he needed my
help carrying stuff inside. He brought us a pizza, salads, and buffalo wings, but
before we ate, he surprised me with a few new outfits, two new books, and an
Xbox 360 Elite bundle pack. He remembered I mentioned I wanted to start
getting back into the things that I enjoyed, which included reading, and playing
video games. How could I stay mad at him after that? I couldn’t because not
only was he sexy, but he was sweet, and he always knew how to make my day.
Although I wasn’t mad anymore I still wanted to know why he went through
with the movie.
“Breeze called me last night and said you weren’t doing it, but he made it
clear that he still expected me there so what was I supposed to do?” He asked as
he ate his salad.
I was shocked and appalled. I couldn’t believe Breeze made Tyree do it even
though I asked him to replace us. Unless Tyree was lying to me, and wanted to
do it as Breeze stated earlier that day. One of them lied, and the fucked up part
was I couldn’t confront Breeze about it again, especially after he basically put
me in my place. I just had to get over it, but it wasn’t going to stop me from
venting to Ebony about it. I couldn’t finish eating my dinner with Tyree, because
Ebony called and asked me could I pick her up; she was too drunk to drive. Not
only was I going to vent, but I was going to find out what was going on with that
girl. She never gets drunk to the point that she can’t drive, especially on a week
night so something was definitely wrong. It took me a good 25 minutes before I
picked her up from Shadows. It was obvious that she was wasted. She was about
to leave without her stuff, so I made sure she had her purse, keys, and cell phone.
She pointed out where her car was parked, which was down the street, so I knew
where to drop her off at in the morning. On the way home, I didn’t even have to
ask she just started telling me what happened.
“You’re not going to believe the kind of day I’ve had,” she slurred.
“If it was anything like mine I will.”
“Did you get fired?” she asked with an attitude.
“No… Why?” I asked slowly.
 “Then it wasn’t like mine.”
“WHAT? YOU GOT FIRED, WHY?”
“This bitch kept getting smart with me, and cussing at me. At first, I was
calm and I was trying to help her. I explained to her several times that her
insurance company refused to pay for her previous visit, and that she had an
outstanding balance. I believe her insurance expired, or she owed them money,
either way she needed to have it taken care of before we could assist her. That
bitch thought it was my job to call them and figure out what was wrong. I told
her she needed to call them herself.”
“Was it that same lady that was yelling at you when I called you earlier?”
“Yeah, that’s the bitch. She had the nerve to be nice at first, kiss my ass and
say, “From one sista to another, you should just help me out. Girl, you know I’ll
pay them eventually.” Did she really think I was going to risk my job, because
she didn’t know how to pay her bills? As soon as she knew, I still wasn’t going
to help her she flipped out on me. If I knew they were going to fire me I
would’ve just helped her ass.”
“But why did they fire you? What did you do?” I asked because I was still
confused.
“I picked up the appointment book and threw it at her head, then told her if
she cussed at me one more time I was going to take her outside and beat her ass.
Of course that’s all she needed to hear before yelling for the doctor. Once Dr.
Jaffe saw the appointment book spread out on the floor, and a room full of
shocked patients he told me to just leave. I don’t care if she cussed you out, and
if the book didn’t hit her. You were very unprofessional, and I won’t tolerate that
here. This is a place of business. I’m sorry but you’re fired, and you don’t have
to come back. I’ll mail you your last check.’”
“That’s fucked up Ebony. I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“I’m not sorry. Dr. Jaffe’s ass will be sorry he let me go. I never called out,
or took off, not even once, I was always on time, and I kept that place organized.
I was the best receptionist he’s ever had. I understand she was a patient, but she
was rude as hell and didn’t have any insurance; she deserved more than what I
did to her. I should’ve knocked her teeth out of her mouth. Anyway, I’m starting
to get heated again just talking about it so let’s just change the subject. What
happened to you today?”
I told her everything that went down. She already knew about Domingo and
Breeze from our previous conversations.
“Aww, don’t be mad at my smoke partner, cuz it ain’t his fault. Breeze made
him do it. Wow, if you’re this upset over your man doing his job, I’d hate to see
how you would react if you found out he was fucking someone else behind your
back.”
“I’m not worried about Tyree cheating. As much sex as he gets at home, and
at work I don’t think he has the time, the energy, or the desire for anyone else.”
“Sunshine, I’m telling you this as your friend, you can’t be so sure, and be
careful who you trust.”
“Thanks, but I know girl. Like I said, I’m not worried.”
“Okay, but don’t forget I tried to warn you. I caught all of my previous
boyfriends cheating on me, all of them except for one, which was Marcus, my
first. The fucked up thing about that story is I cheated on him and broke his
heart. I guess what goes around does come around.”
That girl is so crazy. Every time she starts drinking, she starts talking about
men, and her previous relationships. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve
heard about Tremaine, her ex-fiancé, who made her have an abortion, and then
immediately afterward, confessed that he was leaving her for his ex. I think that
really fucked her up, and made her stop trusting men. She seemed to be having a
dry spell when it came to dating. As a matter of fact I didn’t see her go on a date,
let alone hear her have an intimate conversation on her cell phone with a man the
entire time that we lived together. I don’t know what the problem was because
men used to hit on her all the time. Even though she looked stressed, and a hot
mess that drunken night, when she’s sober and cleaned up she’s kind of fly.
She’s only 5’5, but she has a cute face, with big eyes that luckily fit her face. She
has a smooth peanut butter complexion, and she stays getting her hair, toes, and
nails done. She reminds me of Kerry Washington, but younger since she was
only nineteen at the time. Whenever we would go out men would stare at her full
C cup breasts, and they loved watching her apple bottom booty as she walked, or
danced around the club. Most of the time she didn’t even notice she was being
checked out because she was so busy talking, or minding her business. I’ve tried
setting her up on a few blind dates, but she turned them all down.
A week later everything was back to normal, except for the fact that Ebony
was still unemployed. At work, Breeze pretended like our conversation never
happened, and he acted like he was my friend so I never brought it up again. I
needed my job so I didn’t want any problems with him. I damn sure wasn’t
going to let Domingo fuck up my money, but I wasn’t expecting to fuck him.
Breeze must’ve wanted to prove a point, because that asshole made us do a one
on one love making scene together. I wish the cameras were recording as I
walked in so I could watch the expression on my face when I realized who I was
working with. Breeze thought he was funny. I admit there was a little part of me
that wanted to laugh, but when reality hit me that I had to make out with
Domingo, and lick his ass I was pissed the fuck off. I wanted to cause one hell of
a scene on that set, but right as I was about to start cussing I thought what if
Breeze was testing me. I didn’t want to give Domingo the satisfaction of seeing
me get fired. I finally just sucked it up, and put my all into that scene pretending
he was Tyree. I knew that scene was going to be hot before it was even edited
and released. The crazy part about it, that’s one of the most ordered scenes
online right now. The sex was good, and I must say his juicy lips felt great
against mine and even better, when he was going down on me. His tight muscled
ass was wet, and felt like it was made for me, so Tyree must’ve loved banging
him out. I wouldn’t know because I still haven’t watched their scene, nor do I
plan on watching it. What I do know is my scene with Domingo made twice the
amount as Tyree’s. So I was finally just as popular as Tyree. It wasn’t a
competition, but I knew I deserved it. I was happy, and proud that both of us
were bringing in six figures. Not only that but I must’ve made Domingo think
twice about me, because we never had any problems after that day. If he passed
me at the warehouse, or if we had to work on other movies together he was
cordial and professional.
Tyree and I were constantly making movies, everything from soft core to
hardcore bareback group scenes. I have to admit I enjoyed filming all of them,
because we got to fuck a lot of hot guys. Some who I would’ve been too
intimidated to approach, because I never would’ve thought they were gay. We
were still escorting on the side, and we started hosting parties for gay clubs all
over California. Some of the clubs would pay us eight thousand a piece, and give
us as much alcohol as we wanted for free as long as we mingled, and partied
with the club goers. Some of the clubs would put up some hot looking booths,
and have us sign our DVDS, and take pictures with fans while we had our shirts
off, or standing there in just our boxer briefs. The first time we had to stand there
all night in our draws, I was surprisingly nervous and uncomfortable. Tyree
seemed calm, but he was also high and loving the attention. I wished I would’ve
smoked with him before going in that club. As the night went on, I got used to
standing there in my underwear, especially since I was being hit on all night
long. There were so many guys, all different kinds, waiting to take our picture,
and to talk to us. You wouldn’t believe how many men gave us their numbers,
and wanted to show us a good time. Some of them even invited us to sex parties.
They weren’t trying to pay us anything, so Tyree wasn’t interested. I wanted to
go to a few of them, but not to have sex. I just wanted to get high and watch, but
since Tyree didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to go alone. Ebony came with us to
the clubs quite often, because she would get free alcohol too, and after she was
fired, she started tagging along with us everywhere we went. She knew between
Tyree and I that one of us would pay her way until she got back on her feet. I
needed some space though. I wanted to be alone with my man when we went out
to eat, or to a movie. It was cool the first couple of times, but every time was
becoming a bit much. I didn’t want to come off rude, or hurt her feelings, so I
didn’t know how to tell my friend she couldn’t go out with us anymore. Tyree
and I had to start communicating with each other before we drove home, so we
could meet up somewhere for dinner without her. Two months went by and I
couldn’t take her sitting around all day enjoying a free ride. I started picking up
applications for her, circling job listings in the newspaper, and I even introduced
her to DeeDee Delight. I figured a female friend would do her some good. She
could start going to straight clubs again, maybe find a man, have a female friend
to go out with, and talk to, period. DeeDee was the only other female that I knew
like that besides Christina, but that gold digging hoe married an older, wealthy
Jewish man, who she hated and talked about all of the time. As soon as he asked
her out, and started buying her things, she was all on his little dick. Bragging to
Ebony and me about how much money he gives her, and showing us what he
brought for her. You know how new money is, they always come from nothing,
and then when they get it, they have to show off how much they spend and what
they spend it on. She stopped hanging out with us after the wedding. She even
stopped accepting our calls with no kind of explanation. I couldn’t believe how
fake she was. Hopefully, her husband realized she was just using him for his
money and divorce that bitch. Normally, I don’t wish bad things on people, but
she wasn’t a good person. Ebony said she was going to smack the shit out of her,
for ignoring her calls if they ever crossed paths again. I can’t see myself
physically assaulting someone over something so petty, it would have to be
absolutely necessary, or self-defense. I’m a lover not a fighter. Ebony is the
complete opposite. Thankfully, she hit it off with DeeDee, they were getting
along well. They both were big weed heads, so they loved hanging out with each
other. I loved playing spades so one night I invited DeeDee over to meet Ebony,
and to get a game going. I loved to gamble so we each bet five hundred dollars,
so the winners would get a thousand dollars apiece.
“So, who’s my partner?” DeeDee asked.
 I knew Ebony wasn’t that good at playing Spades, so I partnered up with
Tyree. I’m very competitive so I hate being partners with someone who doesn’t
know how to play the game, and I hate losing. Plus, I figured if Ebony and
DeeDee were partners, they would have to talk and kind of get a feel for each
other.
“I have to warn you. I don’t play cards like that, so I hope we win,” Ebony
said to DeeDee.
“Don’t worry girl, we got this. Nobody can beat me at this game. Just make
sure you bid right, and pay attention. We’re winning that money.”
Ebony looked nervous because she bet $500.00 out of the $800.00 dollars
her father sent to her earlier that day. I couldn’t believe she didn’t offer me any
of the money, especially since I’ve been financially supporting her for months;
yet she could risk five hundred dollars on a game of Spades. I couldn’t wait to
win and take her money.
“Damn, Ebony, are you going to pass the blunt? You’ve taken five hits off it
already,” I said because I was frustrated.
“Wow, looks who’s counting hits,” Ebony replied sarcastically, as she
laughed and passed the blunt to Tyree.
“He needs to be counting his books. Wait, he doesn’t have any,” DeeDee
said as she burst out laughing. “And you bid four? You need the rest of these
books to make your bid or you’re going to bump,” she added after she stopped
laughing.
“I don’t care, just pass me the damn blunt,” I demanded.
“Aww, don’t be a bitter Betty, Jamar. It’s only a game,” Ebony teased.
“A game that he’s about to lose $500.00 dollars on. Talking about “we
should play for money”, see, you’re the one that kept asking us to bet,” DeeDee
said.
“I thought you said you could get four?” Tyree asked with an attitude.
“No, I said we had to bid four. I told you I could get three. Maybe if I had
some help from you we would’ve made our bid,” I replied.
“Look, I told you I didn’t have anything as soon as I looked at my cards,”
Tyree said, sounding as if he was frustrated, too.
“Calm down, boys, because I need everybody’s attention. I want you to
watch this,”
DeeDee said, before taking a deep pull from the blunt. She held the smoke in
for a minute and then released all of it out through her nose.
“Game over. We won,” DeeDee said as she laid down her last four cards.
She had the big joker, the little joker, the two of spades, and the ace of spades.
“We ran a Boston on that ass. We got all of the books. Give me my money,”
DeeDee said, before she started laughing as she grabbed the money off the
center of the dining room table.
“That’s some bullshit. I’ve never had anyone run a Boston on me,” Tyree
yelled.
“It’s the luck of the draw, baby,” Ebony said to Tyree.
“Whatever, shut up, you ain’t even that good,” Tyree replied as he got up to
go sit on the couch.
“Yes, I am, and you know it. Don’t be mad ‘cause I beat you,” Ebony said,
as she tried rubbing it in some more.
“We beat him,” DeeDee said as she looked and smiled at Ebony.
“That’s right, girl, we kicked their asses,” Ebony said as she smiled back at
DeeDee.
“Here you go, sweetie. Here’s a thousand for you and a thousand for me,”
DeeDee said as she handed Ebony her money.
Ebony doubled her money and still didn’t offer me a dime. She was going to
have to do something soon because I wasn’t going to keep supporting her for too
much longer. DeeDee and Ebony got drunk as they laughed and teased us all
night long. It was annoying, but I was happy that they were getting along. I
could tell they were going to be good friends. DeeDee didn’t live that far, so she
decided to leave at 3:00 AM. After Ebony passed out on the couch, Tyree
banged me out on the living room floor. He was high, horny, and hooked on this
ass. He couldn’t wait to go into the bedroom and had to have me right there. I
fell asleep on the floor shortly after he finished. I woke up butt ass naked at
11:00AM to find a messy house, no Ebony, and no Tyree. They managed to
make it to their beds, but let me sleep ass up on the living room floor.
 Chapter 11

Baby Bi the Way.

It was eight weeks later and Breeze and I were inseparable again. His nasty
attitude would vanish, to reappear at any random moment. I was beginning to
understand him and kind of know when he was going to get cunty, so I found
myself walking on eggshells and minding my P’s and Q’s. It wasn’t the way I
wanted to live in the long run, but for the time being, I was going to ride his
bipolar wave. I was just going to be about having fun while making what was
major money for me. That day on my way to the warehouse, I called Breeze on
his cell to let him know that I would be there soon. It wasn’t easy keeping the
peace and my distance from Tanya, but Breeze and I were finding ways to keep
things civil at work, for the most part.
“What’s up DeeDee, who are you filming with today?” I asked as I entered
the dressing room. DeeDee and I had gotten kind of friendly and somewhat
joined forces against the evil we liked to call Sky Scrapper.
“Girl, I’m fucking Tommy Thunder. I been putting that shit off for months
but it finally caught up with me,” she said while laughing.
“I thought that you would be thrilled to work with him, he’s hung like a
horse from what I’ve seen.”
“It’s not the size that scares me; it’s what he does with it. He fucks as if he is
a caged animal. You can barely walk when he’s done with you,” she said while
damn near cringing.
“I had to use Mr. Purple all morning just to get my shit ready,” DeeDee said
while holding up and eight inch thick dildo. Everyone in the dressing room let
out a roar of laughter. Most understood what she was saying because they also
had the misfortune of working with Tommy. As soon as I had seen his shlong, I
told Breeze that I wanted nothing to do with it. I knew what I was able to handle
and that was out of my size comfort zone.
 “Who’s breaking your back today?”
“It’s gonna be my first threesome. I tried to talk Breeze out of making me do
it, but he’s been pressing me about it hard.
“Who’s gonna run that train?” DeeDee asked as she dried between her legs
with a towel.
“Some dudes named Konceited and Krave, and yes, I was told that they are
both spelled with K’s,” I said while shaking my head. But who was I to judge? I
went from Jasmine to Jezebel in one swell swoop of a fuck.
“Girl, you know that you gotta do anything to stick out in porn. To tell you
the truth, I kind of like that they spell both names with a K, it’s different and
memorable. Anyway, what did Breeze tell you about those two?” she asked with
a weird look on her face.
“Exactly what he needed to tell her, why even ask? She’s a fucking worker
bee just like the rest of you sluts, so she gets told enough for her to be able to do
her job.”
Neither of us had noticed the wicked witch of Fantasy Pictures walking in.
She towered over DeeDee as she spat her nasty words.
“Bitch, fuck you, I didn’t hear anybody talking to your ass did I?” DeeDee
asked as she looked around the room.
“I think that Jazzy deserves to know who she’s about to fuck and that means
that Breeze should have told her so. You’re the only one in here who would fuck
a dog, horse, or she-male if Breeze asked you to. What am I saying? You can
cross two of those things off that list from what I heard.”
The whole room laughed at Tanya and that pissed her off. She walked up on
DeeDee and did the unthinkable. By the time Tanya’s hand slid across DeeDee’s
face, her hands were already around Tanya’s neck and her fist was slamming
into her face.
“DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO STOP TRYING ME BITCH?” DeeDee yelled
as she was being pulled off of Tanya.
“I HOPE YOU GET YOUR SHIT TWISTED WHEN THERE’S NO ONE
HERE TO STOP AND SAVE YOUR ASS. I PRAY YOU GET FUCKED UP
BITCH,” DeeDee yelled as she was taken out of the locker room. Tanya’s face
looked a mess. I was just mad that DeeDee couldn’t get her the way I knew she
wanted to. Tanya left the locker room with her flunky whose name was Juicy
Jenny, half way carrying her to Breeze’s office.
“I don’t give a fuck what Breeze got to say, that bitch had it coming. She
always gotta jump into someone’s conversation when no one is talking to her
ass. I’ll get my shit and bounce. It ain’t nothing to me, I have built a name for
myself and there are plenty of companies that would love to have me rep for
them.”
She didn’t aim her comments at anyone. She was talking to whoever was
listening and meant every word of it.
“What the fuck is going on down here? You all know that I don’t tolerate
this nonsense.”
The fat man who would have looked a lot like his son if he lost the extra 100
pounds that he carried around asked. In my short time there, this was the first
time that I had laid eyes on Breeze’s father in person. He was 5’10, 250 pounds
of what used to be all muscle with a handsome face. He was dressed in a
designer suit and smelled like expensive Italian cologne.
“You women better get your shit together. If I wanted to see a fight today, I
would have one or more of you on the set with the boxing ring. Now who’s
going to fill in for Tanya?”
“Who’s she fucking?” I heard a voice ask.
“She taping with…Mini Molly. It should be an easy shoot. It’s all about the
toys and oil on this one,” he answered with a smile, even with all his years in
porn, there were still some things that turned him on and made him smile.
“Come on, there’s gotta be one of you who wouldn’t mind getting messy. I’ll
throw another two grand in for the short notice.”
After he said that, I watched at least five hands go up. He picked the tallest
out of the volunteers. The film was called The Horny Green Giant and it needed
a tall girl who would be painted green, but he left that part out. He figured once
she accepted the money she would have to go through with it.
“And DeeDee, put your shit back in your locker, we’re not letting you go.
Plus, I heard that you have a mean left hook, which may come in handy for a
flick we’re thinking about doing.”
“What’s that?” she asked smiling.
“Cocky Balboa, it’s all about strap-ons and the women who use them. It’s
gonna be in the boxing ring and we're gonna see who wins, real dick or chicks
with plastic ones.”
He winked at DeeDee and patted her on her ass as he walked out. DeeDee
was his favorite and everyone knew it. She always treated him as if he was the
sexiest man in the room. She watched him put on the pounds and grow gray hair
in the five years that she worked for him, but that didn’t change anything. He
was the only man to treat her like a princess even though he knew what she did
for a living. It was because of him that she was a star. Her affair with him had
taken her off fluffer status in no time, but even after that, she continued to see
him outside of work. Although Breeze didn’t like it, he knew that his father was
the boss and wouldn’t take his disapproval too kindly.
“Do you really think that I should hit Breeze up for some info?” I asked
DeeDee as things simmered down.
“Look, Jazzy, I know that as an adult film star, you may not know everyone
that you’re about to get down with, but as for me, I like to have information on
the players in the game. I think that it’s fair to at least ask and be told. There are
not a lot of people out there like that but that’s how I roll.”
I thought about it and she was right. I really didn’t even want to do the scene
so a little info wouldn’t hurt.
I walked up to Breeze’s office and was about to open the door until I heard
Tanya’s screeching on the other side of it.
“I want that bitch gone, Breeze, look at my face. She’s a fucking monster; do
you see what she did to me?”
I smiled as I pictured her face looking like Will Smith’s face did on Hitch
when he had that bad allergic reaction.
“You know that’s not going to happen. She’s fucking my father for Christ
sake. Do you really think that he’s gonna let her go and keep you around?”
Tanya knew that she was asking for too much. She remembered the day she
stood behind that same door that I stood at and overheard the conversation that
left nothing to the imagination. When Breeze told me the jest of what went
down, I don’t know if I could have continued to work for his dad and not hate
him, if I were Tanya that is.

*****

“Why her son, she’s total trash, don’t you see that?” Breeze’s father looked
at him and tried to see what he saw, but the same thing always emerged.
“There’s not a specific reason, dad, I just like her.”
“You could have chosen any of the girls at this company or outside of it. Yet,
you chose the one that I, and everyone else, hates the most.”
“And why is that, what did she ever do to you? She works her ass off, she’s
always on time, and plus, you hired her.”
 “Yes, I did, but I didn’t hire her for you to fuck. What, do you think that I’m
going to pass up on a money maker? She’s one of our top earners and her fans
love her, but that still doesn’t make her good enough for you.”
Breeze looked at his father and saw a hypocrite. He must have slept with half
the girls at Fantasy Pictures, yet he was carrying on an illicit affair with one
that strangely resembled his own wife when she was younger.
“Well, it doesn’t matter what you think, she’s moving in with me this
weekend.”
“Goddamn it, Breeze, that bitch isn’t anything good son. She is as nasty as
they come. Her heart is nonexistent and you’ll regret your decision.”
Breeze finished the drink that his father had given him when he first walked
into the plush office and sat the glass down on the desk without a coaster. He
knew that his father hated watermarks, and both men knew that he was only
doing it to be defiant. To him, he was letting his father know that he may have
been working for him, but he was done being his little boy. He was tired of all of
the rules and was now going to play by his own.
“You can give me all of the advice that you want when it comes to work, but
as far as life lessons, well maybe you should learn a few of them yourself, that is
before you start trying to teach them.”
From that day on, Breeze’s father decided to let him crawl, walk, and fall on
his own. He loved his son but he would just have to find his own strength to get
up from his fall, and move on from the mistakes that he was bound to make.

*****

“What is it Jazzy, I’m busy right now,” Breeze asked once Tanya walked out
of his office and I walked in.
“This won’t take long; I just wanted some info on the guys I’m filming with
today.”
Breeze took in a long drag of air as if I was a split second away from getting
on his last nerve.
“Your threesome is with one gay dude and a Bi one who happen to be real
life lovers. You’ll be interacting with only the Bi one of course.”
I knew that he thought that I was going to overreact but I didn’t. I was
working on accepting my current position in life and I wanted to prove that to
him.
“It’s not a big deal, but in the future, I want a heads up on all of the scenes
that I’m going to be in. As a matter a fact, make sure that the info is given to me
at least a day in advance.”
I walked out of his office feeling proud and satisfied. The look on his face
made me realize two things, he was surprised at my openness, and my message
was understood.
I watched Krave and Konceited interact, trying to figure out their
relationship. Who was the bottom, who was the top, who held who in bed, which
one did the cooking and cleaning? I could have gone on for days with my list of
questions but no one would have answered them, I never asked any out loud.
“What’s up sexy, my name is Konceited, Jezebel right?” Konceited asked
while extending his hand. I looked over his body starting from the hand that he
held out to me. He was cute, almost pretty. His light caramel skin was smooth
and didn’t look like it belonged to the tall thug like boy-man who stood before
me. I was told that he was twenty-three but he looked more like he was
seventeen.
“I’ve heard a lot about you and I loved the scene you did with Lust. I’ve
wanted to meet you for a while, so when Breeze told us that we would be
working with you, my shit got hard the minute he said your name.”
The look on my face said it all. What did he mean his shit got hard?
“Aren’t you gay, women still turn you on, so you must be the ‘BI’ one,
huh?”
I had almost forgot that Breeze did say that one was gay and the other Bi.
“I’m more straight than anything else to tell you the truth, dick mostly pays
the bills,” he said as we shared a laugh. I was in the same boat as him, fucking to
pay the rent so I didn’t judge.
“Well, what about him?”
We looked over to his lover Krave and I waited for his response. When I
stole a glimpse at Konceited, it was as if he was trying to find the same answer
that I was searching for when I looked at Breeze.
“Don’t strain your brain boo. Things can be complicated that way, I feel you
on this one.”
There were times when I looked at Breeze and didn’t quite know what I was
doing either. I liked him but I knew that it wasn’t forever.
“Your ears must have been ringing, huh?” I asked Krave as he walked over
to me and his…boyfriend.
 “Was he bragging about me again?” Krave asked while laughing. I laughed
too, but for a different reason.
“So, how does this work with you two, have you done a Bi threesome
before?”
I asked as I looked my first companion’s boy toy over. He was also cute but
in more of a manly way. His skin was a bit lighter than hot cocoa and looked
spotless. His short haircut was sharp and he shared the same almond shaped eyes
as me. When I looked at him, I didn’t see a gay man, I just saw a man that was
gay. He wasn’t too fagged out but if I was to put these two against each other, I
would bet my money on Krave being the ass bandit.
“This isn’t our first time in a threesome but this is my first time so close to
the fish tank if you know what I mean.”
“Well, it’s a good thing that you don’t have to go swimming in it, huh?”
Krave high fived me as he laughed at my last statement.
The director of this scene, who happened to be Breeze’s father, went over
how he wanted the film which was titled Baby Bi the way, to play out. Once we
got everything down packed, Krave, Konceited, and I headed for showers, hair,
and make-up.

*****

“ACTION.”
The green light flashed on telling everyone that a taping was in session. I
turned into the sex kitten Jezebel while wondering if either Krave or Konceited
had to also get into character, or if it just came natural to them.
“You’re late; didn’t I tell you to be here by three?”
“I was about to call you and tell you that I wasn’t coming but I figured that
it would be better to do it in person.”
“You were going to cancel on me at the last minute?” I asked Konceited as
he stood at the makeshift front door. He was dressed as a mechanic with a
nametag and all.
“You being married just doesn’t sit well with me. What if he comes home,
what if he---.”
I pulled him into my fake apartment and closed the door behind him cutting
off his words.
 “What did I tell you when we were at your auto shop; didn’t I tell you that
my husband was always on the road? I rarely see him because of his job. I’m left
here horny and lonely. Now tell me, what is a girl to do when she’s left alone in
the house with a wet pussy and no man?”
I pulled him close to me tasting his delectable looking lips. They were plump,
soft, and wet from him just licking his lips as he looked at me. To get into
character, I put on a skimpy nighty that was sure to turn him on.
“Wait, wait, I’m not doing this, I can’t.”
“Sure you can, and if not, I’m a good teacher.”
I unzipped his fake uniform and stroked his long thick stick that was already
rock hard.
“Your lips can lie but your body won’t; don’t deny it, baby, you want me,
too.”
I slipped off the black slinky lingerie and stood in front of him naked. He
grabbed his dick and let his body sway back with that thug lean. I sat down on
the couch and spread my legs. He needed to see what he was thinking about
turning down.
“Come one, baby, I’m so wet, I need you, and she needs you,” I said stroking
my sweet spot, and as I played with myself, he walked over to me as if he had no
choice, as if his dick and brain were two separate entities that never shared the
same body. Once over to me, he picked up my right leg and slipped off my
stiletto.
“NO, NO, I SAID TO KEEP THE HEELS ON.”
I thought that Breeze was specific when it came to directing, but his dad, Mr.
Cappello, had to have things his way or no way at all.
Once he slipped my shoe back on the tapping resumed. Konceited kissed
from my shoe, up my ankle and calf, and up my thigh. When he blessed my clit
with his tongue, I was surprised to see that he knew what he was doing.
“NEXT SCENE, ON YOUR KNEES, MISSIE.”
That’s where I had to yell cut. Sucking dick wasn’t the first thing that I liked
to order off the sex menu, so I really couldn’t see myself going down on him. All
I kept thinking about was where his dick had probably been prior to this scene.
So I walked over to Mr. Cappello and pulled him aside. When I told him my
reasoning for interrupting things, I couldn’t tell if he was pissed or amused.
“I hope that you don’t think that you can do this work without sucking a man
off. That’s a part of sex and fans of Fantasy Pictures expect to see that.”
“Well, maybe we can get around that. I’ve done oral before Mr. Cappello,
but I just don’t think that I could do it to him, he’s…gay.”
“No, Jazzy he’s Bi but I get what you mean. I’ll let you off the hook this time
but this is your one and only pass, understood?”
He called over Krave and Konceited and told them the change of plans.
Action was called again and we picked up where I wanted to be.
“I gotta have you in me baby,” I said as I pushed his head away from me. I
stood up and lay on the coffee table that was made of thick glass. It came in
handy when the camera man wanted to film from under it. It made for a good
visual.
“LUBE, LOTS OF LUBE, PUT IT ALL OVER HER, MAKE HER SHINE.”
I didn’t know why Breeze’s father found it necessary to scream out his
orders but we heard him loud and clear. I was lubed up and ready to go. He got
me hot while licking my nipples and sliding his little BIG man in me. I could tell
that he was a thug boy because he fucked like one, straight and to the point. He
was out to break backs and bus nuts, no love in-between. We made sure that his
back was to the door so that he wouldn’t see when Krave, my husband entering
the front door. I moaned load and working my hips as he put it on me.
“What the fuck is going on here?”
Krave yanked Konceited off of me and slammed him against the wall of the
living room set.
“I’m, I’m her mechanic, I just came to drop off her car,” Konceited
answered with Krave’s hand tightly around his neck.
“Looks like you dropped off more than just her car. I should kill you ass…
and her too,” Krave added, as he looked my way.
“I knew you were a slut, but in my house, you fuck him in the house I’m
killing myself to pay for?”
Krave was such a good actor that I kind of got caught up in the whole
situation.
“Baby, please, I’m so sorry, I’ll make this up to you, I promise. Just let him
go.”
I walked over to him and tried to pry his hands from around Konceited’s
neck. Once he let go, I handed Konceited his clothes and told him to leave, fast.
“You think that you can just walk away from this shit? No one’s leaving
here, not until you both pay for your sins.”
Krave pulled out a fake gun that could have past for the real thing.
“Get your nasty ass back on that table bitch, and you, get her nice and hot.”
Krave had become the monster that he was trying to portray. He embodied a
gun-crazed husband who had gone over the edge. He stood and watched as
Konceited turned me on with his hands and mouth. Krave pulled off his clothes,
moaned and spoke as he stroked his stick.
“That’s right, little nigga, get her nice and wet.”
I don’t know about anyone else but nothing bothered me. Not even when we
had to pause and wait for the stills to be taken. I was turned on to the max. There
was something about the authority in his voice that had my sugar walls running
wet.
“Turn around, let me look you over, I wonder if you’ll be good at it?”
Konceited didn’t answer. He just stood there as if he was scared for his life.
“Get on your knees and suck my dick.”
“I think that you’re taking things too far, baby, let him go, you’ve had your
fun.”
Krave let out a devilish laugh and walked up to his real life lover. He put the
gun up to his head and spoke slowly.
“If you don’t suck my dick the way that I tell you to, I’ll shoot you and make
her a fucking cripple.”
Konceited did as he was told. He kneeled down and came face to face with
Krave’s nine and a half thick dick. He acted as if he didn’t know what he was
doing forcing Krave to take control of his head and damn near chocking him by
going too far down his throat. I watched as Konceited tried to push him away
but that only made Krave go deeper and faster.
“Yeah, look at him, baby, he’s kind of good at it, I bet he’ll be a pro in no
time,” Krave said as he moved his hips to Konceited’s steady rhythm of dick
sucking. I played with myself as I waited for my turn to come.
“Now go over there and fuck my wife, she’s waited long enough,” Krave
said as he pushed Konceited away with a force that knocked him down. He stood
up and walked over to me with his head hung low. His was supposed to be
portraying a man that was being taken advantage of, and he was doing a good
job. He slid back into me with ease and fucked me tenderly.
“Don’t make love to my wife nigga, fuck her brains out,” he said as he hit
Konceited across the head with the fake gun. I moaned out in pain and pleasure
as Konceited banged into me, then turning me around and hitting it from the
back when he was told to do so. A few minutes after that, I heard the sound of
the lube bottle being opened. I knew what was coming next and waited to see
how things would work out.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
 Konceited had stopped working me when he noticed Krave standing behind
him with a full hard-on.
“You fucked my wife so now I’m gonna fuck you. Now both of you get on the
floor and stay there.”
Once on the carpet Konceited tried to talk his way out of things, but Krave
had a tight grip on the back of his neck and wasn’t going to let go until he got
what he wanted.
“If you fight it, it will only hurt you more and make me get rough.”
“But I’m not gay; I came here to get some pussy, that’s all.”
“Well now it looks like you’re going to also be serving some ass. Get back in
that pussy and SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Krave yelled as he hit him harder than
the script called for. I could hear and see him applying the lube on Konceited
ass. He tried to fake like he didn’t like it but I caught his eyes rolling to the back
of his head when the cameras weren’t on his face.
“Stay still for a minute mother fucker, you got a tight little ass that needs
working into.”
Konceited hollered and squirmed just like he was supposed to.
“Please, don’t do this, it hurts, I can’t take it.”
“That’s too fucking bad nigga ‘cause I’m giving it. Now listen and listen
good. I’m gonna fuck you while you’re still fucking her. Keep the rhythm or I’ll
blow your head off. Oh, and by the way baby, I’m Bi,” Krave said as Konceited
fucked me and he fucked Konceited at the same time.
Everything fell into place and the scene went smooth. It had been the first
time that I had seen a threesome scene go that way but if the boss liked it then I
loved it. When everything was said and done there were only a few lines left to
say. And as Konceited’s character pretended to get dressed to go back to work, I
played shocked when finding out my husband was Bi.
“Don’t you think that you should have told me that you were into men?”
“Well, now you know. Come on, baby that was a win-win situation for the
both of us. Plus, you never told me that you were such a whore while daddy was
out to work.”
I sat in his lap and kissed his lips softly.
“So are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I asked as I looked over to
Konceited. Krave pushed me on the couch and walked over to the man that he
just pretended to violate.
“That was some good ass, nigga, we both enjoyed it. We were thinking that
maybe we could do this again.”
 It came out sounding more like a demand than a request.
“I already told you, sir, I’m not like that. If you weren’t holding a gun to my
head then I would have never done that.”
“Same time, same day, same place, and same play, nigga.”
Konceited made his way to the door and once he had it open, Krave had
once more warning to give.
“Don’t make us come looking for you, and I don’t mean my wife and I.”
Krave held the gun up to his lip and kissed it. He wanted to send a clear
message to the man that was walking out of the door.

“CUT, that was perfection,” Mr. Cappello yelled from his director’s chair. It
made me feel good to know that we had performed to his level of standards.

*****

“So, Jazzy, what are you doing tomorrow?” Krave asked as the three of us
headed out of the warehouse.
“Nothing much, I was just gonna hang out and chill, why?”
“Well, we’re having a little barbecue at the house and I wanted to know if
you wanted to come. Don’t worry, we didn’t invite everyone from work, just a
select few,” he said while nodding his head toward Tanya and her crew. The
word of what went down in the ladies’ locker room had spread through the
whole warehouse before our taping was even done. And by the look on his face,
I’m sure he knew about Breeze’s and my relationship.

*****

“We thought that maybe you had changed your mind,” Krave said as he
opened the door to his upscale condo. He had been in the business for a good
amount of time and his surroundings told the story. His house was decked out
and every room seemed to look better than the last. As he gave me a tour, I saw
some people from work while the others were strangers. He introduced me to his
roommate Ebony and I liked her from the start. We sat on what seemed to be the
newly build deck sipping our gay friendly colorful drinks and got to know each
other. It was funny because she seemed to know about all the drama at work and
even filled me in on some things that I didn’t know. Like how her roommate and
his lover got in the game and how Breeze had a habit of getting with what she
called the flavor of the month. She told me that neither Tanya nor I was the first
and won’t be the last to fall for a snake such as Breeze. Those were her exact
words. At first, I was offended but there was so much truth in what she said that
I just sat back and put it in my mental file cabinet.
“Is she talking your ears off about Fantasy pictures?” Krave asked while
handing both Ebony and I fresh drinks.
“I’ve been telling her that she knows so much about the place that she might
as well work there.”
“Boy, please, how many times do I have to tell you that I couldn’t suck dick
for a paycheck?”
“Well, you know what they say about people who are always asking about
something.”
“What’s that?” I asked Konceited after he added his two cents in.
“Either they’re thinking about doing it or they will end up doing it pretty
soon. Either way it all leads to the same thing. Thinking most likely leads to
doing,” he said with a big shit eating grin on his face. I watched Ebony while he
talked and from what I could tell, Konceited was right. Only she seemed too
scared to jump in head first without giving it a long good thought, smart!
“Well, if you really want to get a feel for the job, maybe you should come to
Vegas with us. There’s going to be a huge convention and award ceremony, you
can room with me, I don’t think that Breeze is going to make it.”
I saw a spark in her eyes as soon as the words left my mouth, Konceited was
definitely right about her.
“Well, when you’re sure about Breeze not going, let me know, I’m down for
whatever,” Ebony said trying to play cool, but it was too late. Her face had
deceived her and showed her true feelings on the matter at hand.
“Are you nominated for anything, K and I got news of our nominations two
days ago?”
Krave seemed so proud to tell his news as he wrapped his arms around
Konceited’s waist and kissed the back of his neck.
“Breeze said that the scenes that I did were filmed too late to be submitted.
His father was supposed to try and pull some strings but my hopes aren’t up.”
“Don’t sweat that shit, from what I heard and saw, I’m sure that next year’s
biggest awards have your name written all over them.”
 Konceited’s words rang with both sincerity and truth, and deep down inside,
I couldn’t wait to be able to stand in front of my peers and bask in the limelight,
even if it would be because of porn.
 Chapter 12

“Satisfy Your Kravings”

After filming “Baby, Bi the way” we started chilling with Jasmine, and she
would occasionally go out with us. I knew I liked her from the moment we met.
She was really nice and came off as a genuinely good person. In a weird way,
she kind of reminded me of myself. Along with Tyree, all three of us filmed one
hell of a scene together. Everyone in the industry was talking about it. We were
told we received multiple nominations for the Adult Video Awards that year,
just for that film alone. That was the first, and only piece of pussy that Tyree had
since I turned him out. I knew he wanted her again because he would constantly
bring her up. Even Ebony had to tell him to shut up, and to stop thinking about
her. He mentioned to Breeze that we needed to film a sequel with her. I found
out later from Jasmine, that Tyree asked her out off set but she turned him down.
I was relieved to find out he wasn’t Jasmine’s type. At least he was still cool
with her after she respectfully made it clear that she wasn’t interested.
A few weeks later Tyree had to leave for a week. It was the first time we
were apart from each other since he moved in with me. A new porn studio that
was just starting up flew him out to Santa Barbara to film their first big
production. I wanted to go with him, but I was too busy shooting six one-on-one
scenes for “Satisfy your Kravings”. I was the star of the film, and the only one
who would appear nude on the cover of the DVD. You know you’ve made it big
if you’re the only one, or the main one on the cover. It was hard being away
from Tyree, so after I would get off work I would hang out with the girls. Jazzy,
Ebony, and DeeDee all became close friends so they were hanging out together
on the regular. Now I was the one tagging along. Nothing was new with
DeeDee; she was still having an affair with Mr. Cappello. Ebony was still
pretending like she was hunting for a job. Jasmine, on the other hand, had a lot
to say. She told us all about her relationship with Breeze. We all kind of figured
out Jasmine was sleeping with Breeze, but now we were hearing it straight from
the horse’s mouth. I was thrilled to know the rumors were true. I knew if I ever
needed something from Breeze, but had a feeling he’d say no, I would just get
Jasmine to ask for me. Even though Ebony was my friend, and I knew her the
longest, whenever we went out we all got along and had fun, but it was obvious
to me that Jasmine and I talked more and became closer, since Ebony and
DeeDee were usually kicking it with each other. DeeDee was sweet on Ebony. I
knew she was Bi, but I felt like she was wasting her time if she thought she
could get with Ebony. I hoped DeeDee’s intentions were strictly platonic. Ebony
told me she was straight as an arrow the day she moved in with me, so I couldn’t
see her dating, or sleeping with another female. Even though it did seem like
they were dating since DeeDee would take Ebony out, and she didn’t mind
buying her things. We hung out pretty much that entire week, and it felt like the
longest week ever. I missed Tyree so much. He texted me once and said that by
the time he was done shooting all day, he was exhausted, and would go back to
his room and go to sleep. He was too tired, and didn’t feel like talking. I thought
that was fucked up since I tried calling him all week, but his cell phone was off.
When he turned it back on as he was returning home, he got the text from Breeze
at the same time as I did, because right after I read it, Tyree called me.
“What’s up, baby? Did you just get this text from Breeze saying there’s
emergency meeting today, and that everyone needs to come in for testing
immediately?”
“I just read it, and was getting ready to head up there now. I need to shoot
my last scene for the week anyway.”
“What do you think happened?” Tyree asked. “We’re not scheduled to get
tested again until the end of this month,” he added.
“I don’t know, but we need to talk about you not returning my calls. I was
missing you like crazy, and I was worried. This is the first time I’ve heard from
you since you left L.A. That’s fucked up. Why couldn’t you check in with me?”
“Man, I told you I was tired and just wanted to rest after I was done working
those long hours every day. It’s a new company so they weren’t as fast, and
prepared as Fantasy Pictures is. I’m sorry, baby, next time I’ll make sure to
make time for my boo and I’ll call you.”
“There’s going to be a next time?”
“Oh, yeah, they liked me so much they want to pay me double to come out
there every other weekend to shoot some scenes.”
 “Are you serious? They really expect us to travel out to Santa Barbara every
other weekend? I don’t know if I’m going to feel like traveling that much.”
“Look, I’m driving right now. We can talk about this later. I should be there
in time for the meeting. I’ll see you later sexy.”
I looked at my cell phone, and just shook my head. We were supposed to be
business partners too, but he was starting to make decisions without me. I didn’t
know what to say, or what to think. I got my stuff, and headed into work. As I
pulled up, I saw the girls outside smoking, so I joined them since I had another
fifteen minutes before I was supposed to be there anyway.
“What’s up ladies? What’s going on here today?” I asked.
“Hey, Jamar. I don’t know yet. I saw some nurses inside getting ready to
take blood from everybody,” Jasmine replied.
I didn’t even have to ask her for the blunt she just passed it to me. I took
three good pulls before passing it to DeeDee.
“I guess we’ll find out when Breeze gets here. My inside connect wouldn’t
tell me, and said I’ll find out with everyone else,” DeeDee said before taking a
hit.
We all knew she was talking about Mr. Cappello. Something was definitely
wrong, and this was serious if she couldn’t get ‘“her man” to give her the scoop.
I turned to Jasmine, and wondered if she spoke to Breeze about any of this, so I
asked.
“Did Breeze mention anything to you?”
“No, why would he mention something to me?” she replied with an attitude.
“I just assumed he would’ve called you.”
“Oh, so just because were fucking, you assume he tells me everything?”
“No, calm down, Jazzy. I didn’t assume anything by it. I’m just trying to
figure out what’s going on. I was hoping you knew something, that’s all.”
I was surprised Jasmine ticked like that. She was the last person I suspected
to have an attitude toward me.
“I’m sorry Jamar. I’m just on edge right now. I didn’t mean to snap on you. I
was off today, getting high listening to some CD’s, when I got Breeze’s text.
Now I’m here anyway stressing out, and wondering why I have to get tested
again. I just got my results back last week from my previous testing. I’m cleaner
than a homo’s ass after an enema.”
Everyone started busting out laughing. Even though she said homo, all of us
had to take them before shooting anal scenes so we knew what she meant.
“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for the laugh, and for the weed, but I have to
head inside to do this scene with Blaze,” I said as I looked at Jazzy.
“Don’t even waste your time boy. I was told filming is shut down until
further notice.” DeeDee said as she put out the roach.
She was acting very nonchalant about everything.
“There’s no way. I’ll be back,” I said as I headed inside. I couldn’t believe
production stopped so I needed to see for myself. I walked through the lobby to
get to the warehouse. There were six nurses, four females, and two males in
scrubs setting everything up. There were adult performers everywhere, outside,
the lobby, and especially in the large warehouse. Some were talking in groups,
while others were alone reading, listening to their iPods, or looking just as
confused as I was. There were a few that looked happy and carefree. Especially a
few of the blondes, like Juicy Jenny, who were all laughing and talking about
themselves as they compared their fake breasts. I saw Mr. Cappello storming
toward his office as he talked and screamed at someone on his cell phone. I
looked over and noticed Blaze slipping Tommy Thunder a dub bag, as Tommy
handed him a 20 dollar bill. I knew Blaze was a bold hustler, but damn in front
of all those people. He could’ve at least handled his transactions outside.
However, it did remind me that I needed to buy some more trees from him. I
walked over to see what was up.
“Hey, what’s going on Blaze?”
“Nothing much sexy, just waiting around like everyone else, but I’m really
waiting to get some more of that good dick that you got between your legs.”
I kind of chuckled, and blushed then asked.
“Is that right?”
“Hell yeah, I’ve been here since nine getting ready, and preparing for our
scene. I should be riding your dick right about now,” Blaze replied as he grabbed
my dick through my jeans.
“Man, stop playing.” I said as I moved his hand away. For some reason I was
embarrassed because I felt like everyone was looking at us. I was going to ask
him about the trees, but I didn’t feel comfortable right there. I told him to go into
the locker room. He took it the wrong way, because as soon as he realized we
were alone in there he walked right up to me, started kissing me, and grabbing
on my dick again. Not only was he bold, but he was aggressive.
“Come on man, stop! What is up with you today?” I asked as I pushed him
off of me, and took a step back away from him.
“Damn, it’s like that Krave? I thought you’d be happy to fuck me again.”
“I am…I mean I was, but then I got here and realized something serious is
going on. Hell, I’m still waiting to find out why we’re all here. I’m not even
thinking about our scene or sex right now.”
“I feel you, but I’m still thinking about it. I thought we were filming so I
smoked a blunt and swallowed an E pill. I’m horny as fuck. As a matter of fact,
my dick is rock hard right now. Don’t even worry about the testing that’s going
on, because I always carry protection,” he said as he reached in his pocket
pulling out a condom, but lifting his shirt high enough so I could see the gun he
was packing. I don’t know a lot about guns, but it looked like a Smith & Wesson
9mm handgun. It was silver and black, and looked small enough to hide easily.
“Let’s get it in real quick before Breeze gets here, and before this meeting
gets started,”
Blaze said as he dropped the condom on the bench.
I looked down and sure enough, I could see his big ten inch hard dick lying
against his thigh through the print in his shorts. It was a shame that he was a
bottom, because it was a waste of a big dick. At least he enjoyed getting head,
especially ever since I went down on him the first time that we worked together.
He’s a pretty but sexy wannabe thug. He’s about 6’0, slim, light skin, thick
eyebrows, nicely trimmed mustache and beard with some pretty green eyes. He’s
definitely hot, and a great fuck if you ask me.
“Blaze, you know work is work, but for play and pleasure, umm it’s not like
that between us. I’d feel like I was cheating on Tyree.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Krave we’ve fucked at least three
times before, and we were supposed to get it in today so what’s the problem?”
“We were supposed to work today. It looks like the scene is postponed, so
we will have to do this some other time. I’ll be looking forward to it, but what I
wanted to ask you …”
He kissed me again before I could finish asking him for some trees. I could
feel his dick rubbing up against my leg. His lips were cool and wet so his kisses
were starting to make me aroused. I had to push him off of me again.
“Like I said…”
He cut me off again.
“I know, I know, work. It’s always work with you. Fuck it we’ll work then.”
He took his book bag off, unzipped it, and pulled out a big wad of cash. I
could see inside his bag, there were different size baggies full of weed. He
started counting out loud, and stopped when he got to fifteen hundred, and then
he slipped fifteen one hundred dollar bills in my right pocket.
“There’s our pay for today. So there you go, were working now. And if it
makes you feel any better Tyree doesn’t have to know about this. Trust me I
don’t even talk to him like that.”
I couldn’t believe Blaze wanted to pay me for sex, but what shocked me the
most was that he only made fifteen hundred per scene. I knew he was new to the
industry, but damn Breeze fucked him over on his contract. I wasn’t going to be
the one to tell him, and I wasn’t going to tell him how much I made per scene
either. However, for some strange reason I thought about Tyree fucking
Domingo. That was that moment I knew I was accepting Blaze’s offer. Tyree
would’ve taken the deal in a heartbeat. I kept the money and then said, “I wanted
you to come in here because I needed to get some more trees. I didn’t come in
here for sex, but fuck it can I have an ounce too?”
He grabbed one of the bigger baggies out of his book bag, and put it in my
other pocket.
“There you go. So what’s up?”
Damn that was easy. I guess if you don’t ask you’ll never know said the
pimp to the hoe.
“Get undressed, and get on your knees.”
Blaze did as he was told. He wanted me so bad that it only took him three
seconds to come out of his clothes. Then, he got on his knees, and instantly
started to unbutton my jeans. After he unzipped them, he pulled them along with
my boxers down to my ankles. He started sucking my dick like it was a drug,
and he needed another dose. I still felt high from smoking with the girls so it felt
really good too. It didn’t take long before I was fucking his throat just the way
he likes it. It felt like I was fucking a tight wet ass, that’s how good he was with
his. That dude was a pro. If sucking dick was a sport, he’d be the MVP every
season, and he’d always win first place. We 69ed on the bench for a while, he
was lying on his back, and I was on top. After we got each other’s dicks wet and
rock hard I was ready to fuck. I grabbed the Trojan condom he put on the bench,
and strapped up. I sat down and got comfortable so he could ride my dick. I
didn’t even have to tell him what to do. He straddled me and slid down on my
dick slow and steady until all nine inches was inside of him. He sat there for a
moment as he loudly moaned out in pleasure. He pushed my back down so it
was touching the bench. Then, he started bouncing on my dick like he was a
horse jockey. My dick must’ve been his Black Beauty because he was taking
charge and controlling my dick with every bounce. All I could do was put my
hands on his waist, and enjoy the ride. We stayed in that position until he almost
made me cum. I was able to hold back, so I told him to watch out so I could
stand up. I bent him over the bench because it was my turn to show him what I
could do. I slid my dick in him fast and hard because I wanted to hear him
holler. Which he did, and it turned me on even more. I started to bang his back
out. He was moaning loud, so loud that anyone walking pass the locker room
could’ve heard him. I didn’t care because he had me hot and horny, so I wasn’t
stopping until I was done. I came so hard that I was moaning louder than Blaze
was. After we finished we both rinsed off in the showers. I got dressed then went
back outside to see what the girls were doing, and to roll a blunt. Jasmine was in
her car talking on her cell phone, while DeeDee was smoking a cigarette.
“Why are you smiling, and looking happy all of a sudden?” DeeDee asked.
“Cuz I got an ounce off of Blaze, so I’m about to roll up a fat ass blunt. Do
you want to join me? You break, I’ll roll.”
“Sure, why not?”
DeeDee took a couple more drags off her cigarette and then joined me in my
truck. She started breaking up while I was getting the blunt ready. As I was
lighting up I asked her what was wrong, because she seemed too quiet, and calm
about everything.
“I’m just blown. Ebony and I were supposed to hang out at the beach today,
but it looks like my day will be wasted hanging around here.”
“At least were getting high, right?”
“True, but I don’t think that’s all “we’ve” been getting.” She said with a sly
smirk on her face.
“What are you talking about?” I asked because I knew she wasn’t talking
about what I thought she was talking about.
“Don’t play dumb Krave. I went inside to see what you were doing, but I
couldn’t find you. I looked everywhere except the men’s locker room. Do you
wanna know why?” She was talking about it.
“Why?” I asked just for the hell of it.
“Cuz I heard Blaze moaning out in ecstasy. I knew what was up, so I went
back outside with Jazzy.”
“Whatever DeeDee, you’re tripping.”
“Oh, I’m tripping, huh? Well, I know I heard Blaze moaning, and you said
you got an ounce off him, and then you walked outside smiling from ear to ear
with a hard ass dick. Boy, I’m a lot...well a little older than you so don’t tell me
I’m tripping. I know you fucked Blaze, but don’t worry it’s none of my business
so I’m not going to tell anybody.”
She was right. I was hard as I walked outside. I was feeling good, and
thinking about what just happened. I wasn’t going to confirm what DeeDee
already knew, so I changed the subject, and flipped it on her.
“So what’s up with you and Ebony? Why are you always taking her out, and
buying her stuff?” I asked as I grabbed the blunt from her. She kept the smoke
inside her lungs a little longer than she normally does. I guess she was thinking
about how she was going to answer my questions. She finally let all of the
smoke out through her nose before replying.
“Oh, Ebony, that’s my girl. We’ve just been chilling lately. She doesn’t
really have any money so I’ve just been treating her until she gets back on her
feet. She’s funny, wild like me, and we always have fun together.”
“That’s all? You’re not trying to fuck her?”
“Okay, Jamar, now you’re the one who’s tripping,” She called me out, and
told me she knew what I did with Blaze, so I returned the favor and let her know
what I thought she was trying to do with Ebony exactly how she talked to me.
“Oh, I’m tripping, huh? Well, I know I trust my eyes, and I see the way you
look at Ebony, especially when you get all touchy feely with her. I saw you
staring hard at her ass when we were at the pool last week. If I was you I
wouldn’t waste my time though. Ebony is straight…I think.”
DeeDee sucked her teeth, looked at me in the eyes, and then said, “Let me
worry about that.”
I wasn’t hundred percent sure if DeeDee wanted to sleep with Ebony. I was
just guessing, but she confirmed it. Right as I was about to respond Jasmine got
in the truck, and sat in the back passenger seat. I looked at DeeDee who was still
staring at me, and then both of us started to laugh.
“What’s so funny? What did I miss?” Jasmine asked.
“Nothing, DeeDee thinks she can turn Ebony out,” I replied as I handed
Jasmine the blunt.
“I saw that coming. I’ve been waiting to see how that was going to play out
myself.” Jasmine said as she was trying hard not to laugh.
I started laughing as DeeDee asked, “You knew too?”
“Girl, I’m straight and I don’t know any lesbians besides the ones that work
here, but it’s obvious that you’re into her. I can read people really well, so I
picked up on that the first time we all hung out.”
“Wow, do you think Ebony knows too?” DeeDee asked.
“I don’t know,” Jasmine replied.
“I think she knows you’re feeling her, but she’s enjoying the gifts and free
stuff. She’s probably thinking as long as you don’t cross the line she’s cool with
it.” I replied.
We all got quiet as DeeDee was hitting the blunt. After she took a couple of
hits, she passed it to me.
“So, Miss Jasmine, who were you talking to? I saw you in the car smiling,
and blushing. Was it someone special?”
“Damn, you’re nosey DeeDee,” Jasmine replied.
“I know, right,” I had to throw my two cents in on that one.
“You damn right, I am. Fuck, you all up in my business worrying about what
I’m trying to do. Let’s just tell it all, so to catch you up, Jazzy, Krave fucked
Blaze in the men’s locker room right before we got in here to smoke. So now,
it’s your turn. Who were you talking to, Miss Thang?”
“I thought you said you weren’t going to say anything?” I asked.
“That’s what I said, but guess what? I changed my mind once you brought
up Ebony. What’s the big deal anyway, you fucked him. Who cares?” DeeDee
replied so nonchalantly.
“You had to do a scene with Blaze, right? They let you shoot the scene
before the meeting? I thought production was on hold?” Jasmine asked.
“It is on hold. Their shoot was canceled, but he fucked him for fun anyway,”
DeeDee announced.
“For real, Jamar?” Jasmine asked slowly as if she couldn’t believe it.
I was kind of pissed at DeeDee for telling Jasmine, but at the same time I
thought it was fair since I told her business. I just shook my head up and down to
confirm that it was true.
“Wow, Jamar, I hope it was worth it. Just don’t let Tyree find out, you little
cheater. Pass me the blunt,” Jasmine said as she reached up front for it.
“I didn’t cheat. I was supposed to fuck him anyway, and I’ve fucked him
before so I’m not a cheater.”
“Technically you did cheat Jamar. Come on think about it, what if you
caught Tyree fucking somebody off set?”
“I’d be pissed.”
“Okay, there you go, point proven,” Jasmine said.
“Well, if you want to be all technical and shit I did get paid for it.”
The girls didn’t believe me so I showed them what Blaze gave me. We all
started laughing, and then DeeDee stopped, looked at me, smirked, and then
said, “You little pimp. You got mofos wanting to pay you even when you’re not
in front of the camera. It must be nice. Go you!”
As I was about to respond Tyree got in the back of the truck with Jasmine.
None of us even noticed that he had pulled up and parked.
“Hey Sexy,” was what I heard Tyree say as he closed the door.
“Hey!” Jasmine and I both replied in unison since I thought he was talking to
me, but I felt stupid once I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that he was
talking, and looking at her. She looked very uncomfortable. He leaned up in the
front so he could give me a kiss. It felt passionate, but I couldn’t enjoy it. I felt
guilty knowing that I had just finishing giving Blaze head, and now Tyree had
his tongue all in my mouth.
“So why’s everyone still here, and waiting around? It took me longer to get
back than I expected. I knew for sure that the meeting would’ve been over by
now,” Tyree said.
“We’re waiting for Breeze to get here,” DeeDee replied.
“Speaking of the Devil, he just parked,” Jazzy said as she got out the truck to
greet him.
“Breeze is finally here so this meeting should be getting ready to start. I’m
going to get a seat upfront in case I have some questions. I’ll see you two
inside.”
DeeDee got out of the truck, so Tyree climbed up in the front with me.
“So did you miss me?” he asked
“You know I did.”
“I missed you too. I was lonely because I didn’t have anyone to smoke with,
and I didn’t have anyone to hold at night.”
“If you missed me that much, you would’ve called me.”
“Damn, you’re on that shit again? I’ve already apologized once, but I’m
sorry all right?” Tyree asked as if I was making him frustrated.
“You’re right, my bad. So anyway tell me about this new company. Did you
tell them about me? Did you let them know we’re a package deal?”
“I tried, but they said they can only afford to hire one of us right now.”
“Well, at least you tried, right? I’ll just go with you anyway so neither one of
us is lonely when you’re in Santa Barbara.”
“We will work it out, but we better get inside. Breeze is probably about to
start the meeting.”
We walked back inside, but this time no one was in the lobby. Everyone was
standing around in the warehouse. Breeze was in his father’s office getting
yelled at by Mr. Cappello. We walked over to where the girls were standing, and
stood by them. As I looked around, I noticed Blaze staring at me smirking, and
smiling. I started to feel hot and uncomfortable so I stopped looking at him, and
just waited like everyone else. A few minutes later Breeze came out of his
father’s office, slamming the door behind him.
“EVERYONE COME CLOSER TOGETHER. I WANT EVERYONE TO
HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I’M NOT GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF,”
Breeze yelled.
Everyone started to move closer filling in the empty gaps in-between Breeze
and us.
“I know everyone is wondering why I called this meeting, and why everyone
needs to be tested today. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to
say it. At least one performer who works for Fantasy Pictures has tested positive
for HIV. This performer will remain nameless unless he or she decides to talk
about it. Just because you don’t see someone here today does not mean he or she
has HIV some performers were out of state and couldn’t be here today. Those
performers will be contacted, and have to be tested as well. The performer who
unfortunately caught the disease has worked with many porn studios, and in one
way or another has slept with all of you, so we’re taking this very seriously.
There’s no telling if the disease has spread throughout the company. I just found
out from my father that Sticky Studios was just shut down completely. More
than half of the performers were HIV positive and the owner of company knew,
but he still allowed some of them to film scenes that included unprotected sex.
The performer here most likely caught it from working with that studio.
Production is shut down until everyone gets their test results back. From here on
out everyone will have to get tested twice a month. I was told it’s my fault that
we haven’t already been testing that way. I guess I’m the only one that can make
those types of decisions around here. Fantasy Pictures will not get shut down
because one of you was stupid enough to have unprotected sex. For God’s sake
people when you’re fucking someone on your own time make sure to use a
condom. You know the type of work you do. Why put so many people at risk? If
you have any questions just hold them until after the results are returned. I’ve
talked about this enough today. The nurses are ready to take your blood. They
will call everyone in alphabetical order and then you’re free to go. You will be
contacted ASAP. Try to relax, and don’t stress yourself out over this. I’ll talk to
you soon.”
I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I mean I’m not a dumbass. I knew
the risks, but I was assured every performer was safe and clean, and that they
would remain that way at Fantasy Pictures. I wanted to know my results that
day, but it wasn’t possible. I looked around, and the only people missing were
Mini Molly, Tanya, and Domingo. Once I didn’t see Domingo my gut told me it
was him, and I instantly felt like I had to throw up. It seemed like every time I
would start to forget about Domingo something would happen, and it would
remind me of him. I fucked him. Tyree fucked him a few times, once even
bareback so I was worried. I looked over at Jasmine and she looked devastated.
She didn’t say a word until she told us bye as she was leaving. Tyree and I told
DeeDee we’d see her later, and we went straight home. I needed to get my mind
right after hearing that bullshit.
 Chapter 13

“What, did you call the save a porn star hotline?”

I paced my bedroom with a fat, hydro filled blunt that was half way smoked
in my right hand, and a half empty glass that I had filled with vodka in my left.
My heart raced as my mind seemed to jump to every conclusion. My active brain
would not let me sleep, eat, or shit. My imagination had turned me into a self-
taught doctor who had all of the answers, or so I thought. My bowels had been
loose in the past week only to leave me constipated a week later. I was awoken
by nightmares and night sweats every time I tried to close my eyes. During the
day, my skin was clammy and I threw up everything I ate. I felt that the truth
was staring at me every time I looked in the mirror. I had lost ten pounds in the
past week and for me, that was next to impossible. I had been the same weight
since high school, never fluctuating not even a pound lighter or heavier. I was
FUCKED, and I found that to be kind of ironic being that I was in the fucking
industry. I played the last few months over and over as if thinking about it would
allow me to change it. How could this have happened? Well, that’s kind of a
dumbass question. I’m a fucking porn star who was dumb enough to have
unprotected sex, both on and off screen.
My nights were gloomy and they were followed by even darker days.
Everything was put on hold, including my fate. I wasn’t working nor was I
living. What was supposed to be my life was filled with booze and weed. I found
myself drowning my existence in the substances that I brought both at the store
and in the ally that my weed man worked out of. Breeze seemed to be unfazed
by the horror that awaited us. I wasn’t the only one in limbo, if the sayings true
about you sleeping with everyone your partner has been with, then that meant
he’d fucked both Krave and Konceited. Oh, and let’s not forget Konceited’s
banger, Domingo. Yet again, the results would be the same, and that left us all
FUCKED! In my moment of solitude, I had prayed to God and told him that if
He got me out of this one, I would try to better myself. I would try to find a way
to become a better person. Maybe even try to find the person I once was. The
person who was lost or who had run away, hell maybe I had ran away from her, I
didn’t know. I just knew that the road that I was traveling on wasn’t paved for
me and I needed to take a detour, fast. The only problem was, I was enjoying my
journey, well minus this HIV scare, the hating bitches at work, and the shadiness
that Breeze seemed to create. The more I was around him, the more he exposed
his real self to me, and I didn’t like that person at all. There are people who are
the devil in disguise, but with Breeze he was the devil in person, the devil that
lets you see him without a mask, and I don’t know if it scared me or if I liked his
honesty about who he was. There were so many things that I questioned and
when you’re spending time alone, it gives you the time that you don’t usually
make to contemplate on unanswered issues. It gives you time to clear the smoke
and discover the bullshit that was buried under the clouded pile of mistakes.
FUCK, what was I going to do? It seemed like I was suffocating and I had no
way of getting any oxygen. My job, my so-called man, and even my friends, or
maybe the lack thereof, were all taking a toll on me. I needed reassurance that
everything would be okay, but even that seemed hard to come by. My circle
revolved around my job so that meant that everyone was on edge. Everyone had
to be tested so everyone was in the same boat that I was drowning in. I refused to
go into work and mope around; I was depressed enough without having to see
other worried faces. Filming had come to a halt but we were still expected to go
in for photo shoots and interviews. “Fuck that bullshit” is what I told Breeze
when he came over and demanded that I go into work that morning.
“You need to get it together Jazzy. I hope that you don’t think that you can
just take off every time something goes wrong. You have to work until the
results are in like everyone else.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Breeze was really acting like none of this affected
him. I couldn’t even count the number of times that we had sex after my
threesome with the boys. But there he stood, all high and mighty, as if he was a
Teflon-don, as if he was invincible.
“I don’t give a shit about work right now. Work can kiss my ass, and if you
throw my contract in my face, I swear to God I’m gonna tell you the fuck off.”
I knew that my contract would be his next line of defense so I warned him
before I unleashed the beast that he had yet to meet.
“You’re gonna do what? Anyway, all I’m trying to do is help you get back
on track. The world doesn’t stop because you’re having a bad day. I had to deal
with my dad’s foot up my ass over this bullshit yet I still got my ass up and went
to work. And by the way, YOU ARE UNDER CONTRACT.”
Once the last of his words left his mouth, it was as if my body was on fire.
Rage filled me like a sink overflowed. I jumped out of my body and half way
charged and walked toward him. I leaned over and extended my hand out so that
it could reach him where he sat. The first slap across his face left him stunned,
the second left him pissed and hurt. Never did he think that I would ever be so
disrespectful.
“Bitch, have you lost your mind?”
My body was shaking and I no longer had control over my emotions. My
devastation had taken me to a place that was dark and cold hearted. The person
who was supposed to be my rock didn’t give a fuck about how I was feeling and
only cared about “The business”.
“That’s right, I have lost my mind, and I’m in no hurry to find it. I’m just
about sick of your fucking ass. All you care about is yourself and your pockets.
You’re a fucking poor excuse for a man, friend, or whatever else you consider
yourself to be. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE,” I screamed as I shoved
him toward the door. When he pushed back, I went tumbling down. Not that he
pushed so hard, but all the drinking and smoking I had done was starting to catch
up with me. And even though I was on the floor, that didn’t stop me, it just
added fuel to the vengeful fire that he had lit inside of me.
“You motherfucking bitch, you would push me back. I’m a female that
you’re not scared of, but when daddy yells you shrivel up like the pussy that you
are. Get out, you fucking coward, I can’t even stand to look at your bitch ass.”
I dug deep and my words came down like the wrath of God. I knew that this
would cut him to his soul and the thought of that pleased me. He had struggled
with the daddy-son syndrome for most of his life. It was always at the core of his
being and thought that he was able to mask it well, but I watched. I watched and
devoured that information. There had been many times that it was fighting its
way up my throat but I held it back. I needed it and wanted to regurgitate it when
I felt that it would have the most impact. His face was red with fury and his
hands were trembling. First, I smiled. It was a smile that undressed my true
intentions and left it naked. I wasn’t trying to hide them in this moment of
hatred. I wanted Breeze to see it, I wanted him to feel it deep down inside.
“That’s right, daddy’s boy, that’s all you really are, A BOY. You run around
like a chicken with its head cut off as soon as your father barks. The funny part
is, you really think that you are a man. You walk around the studio as if you’re
THEE MAN. No one is buying that shit but you. And you know what’s worse,
they all laugh at your dumbass once you’re out of sight. They laugh because they
all see that you’re trying to be something that you’re not. You put on your grown
man’s suit and walk around like you’re the boss, as if you’re DADDY. Shit, we
all know that you’re not. You couldn’t even get me nominated for NEW
CUMMER. You knew damn well that this would be the only year that I would
be eligible and you fucked that opportunity up. You had to go to your father to
see what he could do. I’ll be surprised if I get any nods at all. Boss, my ass.”
Once the word daddy left my mouth, my smile had turned into full-fledged
laughter. The lack of control that he had for his emotions as a man turned me off
toward him, it disgusted me. He let what should have been insignificant mockery
rock him completely. I didn’t know if he was about to cry or attack me for the
evil I had spit at him. But, his anger did not sway my feelings on the matter; it
was more like an instigator who was throwing water on a grease fire. My
laughter was like a roar of thunder that seemed to echo through my whole
apartment.
“You know what, Jazzy, I’m gonna get out of here before you go too far
down this road and crash. You’re high and clearly drunk so I’ll chuck all this
bullshit up to your intoxication. Cause if I don’t…well, I’ll leave it at that,”
Breeze said as he walked over to the couch and grabbed his keys. I had crawled
over to the coffee table and picked up the only thing that had been giving me
refuge. I finished the rest of the vodka that was in the glass and just sat right
there on the floor. It was as if I had just reentered my body and was surveying
the damages. I watched him get his keys, straighten his shirt that I had grabbed
on while attempting to throw him out, and walk to the door. Once he stood
outside of my apartment door, he left me with some parting words.
“I’m gonna need some time to get over the disgusting statements that you’re
probably gonna call “your feelings”. And since you seem to forget that beyond
what you or anyone else thinks, I am the fucking boss. So how about you stay
home, think about things and let me get back to you.”
“What am I suppose—.”
“Oh, no, baby girl, you’ve said enough. Don’t call me, maybe I’ll call you.
Don’t worry; I’ll let it be known that I have asked you to stay home for a while.
How long, well I just don’t know yet.”
With that, he turned around and slammed my front door. I stood up, refilled
my glass, and rolled another blunt. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I had
gone too far.
 *****

Five days later, I was still drunk and somewhat high. It was getting harder
and harder to get out of the house and drive down to the ally where I brought my
poison. Like all drug dealers, my street pharmacist didn’t stay anywhere too
long. I always found myself bumping into a new one who had what I would be
looking for. My weed stash may have been low but the liquor cabinet kept me
wet. I drunk so much alcohol that I was practically inebriated every waking
moment, and since I couldn’t sleep, well there wasn’t a sober moment in those
passing weeks at all. People were starting to call me once they noticed my
absence from Fantasy Pictures but I ignored them all. My pity party had hit a
new low and I didn’t want anyone joining me. I would listen to my messages
every other night and wished that I had the strength to accept their shoulder to
cry on. But in my selfish loneliness, I didn’t want to be burdened by their sorrow
and worry. As I soaked in the tub for three hours, too weak to get out, my
doorbell rang. I turned a deaf ear the first ten times, but by the fifteenth, I knew
that my visitor wasn’t going anywhere.
“Who the fuck is it?” I asked as I stumbled to the door. I stubbed my toe on
the foot of the couch and struggled to hold on to the towel I had just wrapped
around myself.
“Fuck, I hate you, you piece of shit, damn that shit hurts,” I said to the couch
as if it could hear me.
“Open up the goddamn door Jazzy. And who the hell are you talking to?”
Jamar’s voice came through the door as if he was already inside of my
apartment. He was worried and wanted in.
“What do you want, Kraaave?” I slurred his name as I took another sip.
“Just let me in.”
I unlocked the door, but left it closed. I walked over to the same couch that I
stubbed my toe on and sat down in front of my dwindling weed pile.
“Where the fuck have you been, Jazz? Everyone has been worried and
asking about you. When I asked Breeze where you were, he said that you were
on punishment. What’s up with that shit?”
“Well, I’ve been right where you see me, and motherfuck a Breeze. Don’t
say that piece of shits name around me.”
 I sat there as Jamar watched me in shock and tried to gather the little bit of
weed that I had left to roll.
“This is some bullshit, who’s a bitch gotta fuck to get high around here?” I
asked as I wiped what I had left to the floor.
“Well, you know it ain’t me, I don’t swim for your team.”
I looked at Jamar and we both fell into deep laughter. He understood what I
had been going through and cast no judgment. He sat down beside me and thank
God that I had sat in the bath for so long. It gave me the opportunity to wash the
smell of alcohol that was seeping through my pores.
“Low on the green, I see.”
“Sorry about that outburst. Smoking and drinking is the only thing that has
been keeping me sane for the last week or so. Now that I’m running dry, I’m on
the brink of a breakdown.”
“Looks like you’ve already jumped of that cliff honey. Look, let me call my
man and he’ll be over here within a half an hour.”
I looked at him with a smirk that let him know that I knew who he was
calling.
“Who are you trying to fool? I know that you just want to see Blaze and that
long dick that he dropped on you not too long ago.”
“Girl, please, he wasn’t the one doing the dropping, I was, but that’s beside
the point, I’m trying to help you out. Do you want me to call him or what?”
I told him yes, as I laughed at his last statement. I was just happy that he put
a smile on my face. I felt like it had been a long, long time since that happened.

*****

“What’s up, black people, I heard some ones running low on the Blaze.”
He thought that he was so clever for using his name in a sentence; it just
made me laugh at his tall lanky ass. Jamar stepped aside and let Blaze in as my
mouth began to water at the sight of my new weed man. I watched as Jamar
flirted his way into an extra DUB for free and waited for my blunt to be filled.
As the smoke hit the ceiling, my body relaxed and I let my mind take a detour
from what had become its normal destination.
“So what’s been going on besides all the worrying?”
Blaze knew the deal without being filled in. He had received more calls than
the norm that week. Everyone was always trying to escape something but lately
we were all running from the same thing.
“Shit, just tired of dealing with fucked up people and fucked up situations,
am I the only one?” I asked and waited for them to answer. None came verbally
but they both nodded.
“I know that I’m not Miss know-it-all but damn, why he gotta treat me like
his rag doll? Like he can tell me to eat shit and I’ll just grin and love the taste?
Fuck that, I may let you win some but I won’t let you win them all,” I said as my
thoughts went back to Breeze’s disrespectful ass. My fight with him left me
heated and, although I hated to admit it, a little scared.
“Poor, Jazzy, she’s in such a fucked up situation. She’s fucking the heir to a
multimillion dollar porn empire. Oh, my God, she’s a porn star, what is she
doing with him? She will never be able to make it big; he will never be able to
help her.”
I watched as Blaze made fun of me and wanted to laugh and cry at the same
time. I knew what he was saying, and he was right.
“Lookie here, baby girl, you have positioned yourself so right that you
wouldn’t get wet even if it rained. Use where you’re at and who you’re with to
get what you want. Fuck a nigga and what he thinks or has to say. I wouldn’t pay
that small shit no mind; I would work hard and prosper off that nigga’s sweat,
yah dig?” He was right but I still wanted to tell them what happened, I didn’t
want them to think that I was too much of a doormat; I needed them to know that
I could put a man in his place too.
“Well, when he came over and started talking about how I need to get it
together---.”
There was a knock on the door, which caused me to look around and wonder
who the hell it could be. I really didn’t know too many people outside of Fantasy
Pictures and wasn’t expecting anyone from there.
“Girl, open the door, Ebony told me that yah would be here.”
As soon as I heard the voice, I knew it was DeeDee’s loud ass. As soon as
Jamar let her in, she pushed right pass him and came over to me.
“Girl, are you okay, we all have been asking about you. Breeze’s spoiled ass
didn’t do anything crazy, did he? Walking around the warehouse talking about
you on punishment, girl that couldn’t have been me,” she said as she took the
blunt from Jamar and pulled hard on it. It was starting to be clear to me that
Breeze had a big mouth. He wanted to make himself feel like a man and the only
way he could do that was to spread the news that he had put me in what he
thought was my place. He was such a little bitch that he disgusted me.
“You didn’t lock that door did you? I just saw your man and Ebony, they
were sitting in his car I think smoking, I knocked on the window and scared the
shit out of them, they said they would be in soon.”
“Damn, Jamar, what did you call, the save a porn star hotline?” I asked as I
laughed and choked on the smoke that was in my lungs, and then came the
knock.
“What took you so long baby?” Jamar asked as he kissed his lover hello. I
watched for Blaze’s reaction and he didn’t let me down, it was quick but I
caught it, he was envious. But he was too much of a slut to ever really keep a
man, even when he had one and was happy, he always fucked things up.
“Well, Ebony called and once I told her that I was on my way to see Jazzy
she asked me to swing by and give her a ride.”
I don’t really know why Ebony found that so funny but good weed will do
that to you.
“Boy, you know I ain’t got shit going on right now, plus I heard what Breeze
said about Jazzy and I wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“Goddamn, even you know what that mathafucka said? Yeah, I bet he didn’t
tell you what really went down here. Roll another one for me, Blaze. I gotta tell
yah this shit.”
I was pissed to the max. And as I puffed on the feel good weed Blaze grew, I
went over and half way reenacted the whole blow out between Breeze and I. By
the middle of my story, everyone was damn near on the floor with laughter and
by the end of it, so was I.
“Wait, wait, Jazzy, do the face; do the face. What did he look like when you
said that daddy shit?” DeeDee asked as she held her sides. After another round
of laughter it hit me that Breeze was really a joke. He only got respect because
he was in charge.
“Girl, don’t say shit else until I finish using the bathroom. You got a bitch
about to piss on herself.”
As DeeDee went to go pee, we passed around more blunts and laughed about
company gossip, mostly about Breeze and Tanya, with DeeDee putting her two-
cents in from the bathroom. And while we laughed and forgot about the gloomy
fate that waited for some of us, it happened. One by one, our phones started to
beep or vibrate. Blaze was the first one to get the text and the laughter that oozed
out of him with ease was cut short. He looked like he had gotten the weed
knocked out of him. Then I watched as everyone got the text. It seemed as if
everyone was stuck, frozen even. The only one I couldn’t see was DeeDee, but
her silence spoke louder than she ever could. As for me, I was the last one of us
to get a text but by then, I had already known what it was about. Although no
one had spoken a word, I knew what time it was. So I got up, slammed back
what was left in my glass, picked up the rolled blunts and put a flame to both of
them. I handed Jamar one of them to pass around and took the other one to the
bedroom and got dressed.

*****

We all walked into Fantasy Pictures feeling high, drunk, or both. Sitting in
that big warehouse with all of the actors made me feel like I was in the Twilight
Zone. The same faces that greeted me every day somehow looked different. The
smiles and laughter that filled the air was dry and thick, forcing us to face the
truth about our profession. We would always be at risk no matter how much we
tried to protect ourselves.
“Okay, people, one by one you will be called by one of the three nurses.
Your results will remain confidential unless you reveal them. Some of you may
be asked to stay behind, and unless you are asked to do so, please leave after
getting your results.”
I watched as Mr. Cappello spoke and something told me that we all would
not be getting good news. So when the names started to be called, I sat in my
chair hardly breathing. The closer and closer they got to the R’s. I gripped each
side of my chair until my hands hurt, and even then, I didn’t let go.
“Rodriguez.”
SHIT! That was me. Okay, I can do this; it’s just one foot in front of the
other. Reminding myself how to walk was just the half of it. It was as if I had
lost my hearing, sight, and taste buds. The closer and closer I got to that tent,
passing out seemed like the only sensible reaction.
“You’re not Mr. Rodriguez, are you honey?”
I looked at the nurse as if she had lost her mind.
“You did call me right, Jasmine Rodriguez, I’m a female?”
“No, I’m looking for Jamar Rodriguez honey.”
I started to laugh so hard that I had to hold onto the wall for support. I had
just taken what felt like my last walk before death and it was all in vain. People
around me were looking at me as if I was plumb crazy but I didn’t give a shit,
nor could I have stopped even if I wanted to.
“Jasmine Rodriguez.”
The confusion with Jamar helped put my nerves at ease. I semi laughed my
way into the nurses makeshift office and waited for my fate to be revealed.
“You’re smiling as if you already know the good news.”
I looked at the nurse and begged her to tell me if she was joking or not.
“No, honey, you’re all clear. Everything came back negative.”
“But I have been so sick. I couldn’t keep anything down and was constantly
running to the bathroom. Maybe they missed something, maybe---.”
“Look. Sometimes when people are waiting for the results of their test, their
mind will play tricks on them. We don’t know what causes it but my bet would
be on nerves. When nervous, you may throw up or have diarrhea, it’s normal.
But trust me, we tested and re-tested all the blood, you are clean honey.”
You would think that I would have jumped for joy, but instead, it was a
weird feeling. I was happy that everything came back okay, but what about the
people that were asked to stay back. I looked at the left side of the room and how
some were asked to step to the side and take a seat. The faces were recognizable,
yet sullen with reason. Domingo and Juicy Jenny being the two that stood out in
my mind. I will never understand what those people felt that day, nor would I
ever want to.
“So?”
They asked as I entered the break room. DeeDee, Jamar, Tyree, and Blaze,
all waited for me to answer. They didn’t trust that I not being asked to stay back
was a sign of good news. I was the boss’s sidepiece, which to them meant I
could have done what I wanted.
“Yeah, I’m good. Everything is clear.”
“So why are you looking like that, getting that news should be the best thing
in your life right now,” Jamar said as he put his arms around my neck. Those
faces were still imprinted in my mind, those men and women whose lives were
changed forever. What were they gonna do? How would they go on?
“Look in the room, Jamar, look how full it is on the left. That could have
easily been one of us.”
Jamar walked over to the door that lead to the warehouse and as soon as he
peeked in, I knew he understood how I felt. His face resembled mine now. It was
a shock to see more than 10 people on that left side of the room. When the rest
joined him in looking, it hit them too that we were all too close to what that left
side of the room represented. Out of the sixty-six porn stars that worked for
Fantasy Pictures, thirteen of them had to now live the rest of their lives with
HIV.

*****

“I’m guessing that everything was okay with your charts.”

I was so over Breeze, and the last thing I needed that day was to see his face.
I didn’t turn around when he asked his question. He knew the procedures and my
results. He just needed a gateway to start a conversation and used the easiest and
dumbest way he knew how.
“Hey, I’m fucking talking to you,” he said as he grabbed my arm.
“Get the fuck off of me!”
I yanked my arm away from his hand and continued to walk. I didn’t stop
until I got to my car. I jumped in, cranked up my Drake CD and sped off. The
hunger that I suppressed was awakened and I needed to fill my belly.
All I wanted to do was go home, smoke a joint, and hit the bed. My mind
was at ease and my belly was full. This was the best I had felt in weeks and I
wanted to soak in the carefree feeling. I got out of my car and skipped up the
stairs of my building. I sang as I put the key in my door and smiled the whole
time. I had joy and my heart and nothing was going to take it away. Well, I felt
that way until I saw Breeze standing in my living room with a very expensive
bouquet of flowers.
“Why are you here?”
I didn’t yell nor did I show him how much he being here annoyed me. I was
just so tired of the game that he was playing and was emotionally drained by it. I
sat across from him and just waited.
“I came over here to talk Jazzy. I think that things have taken a left turn with
us.”
“Really, and let me guess, you don’t know why?”
“No, I can’t say that I do. I try my best to give you that number one spot. I
try to guide you and put—.”
“Are you kidding me Breeze? What number one spot? As long as you’re
with Tanya I’ll always be number two.
“So that’s what this is about, Tanya?”
 “Hell no, I was just correcting you. This is about the person that you are
Breeze. You have to put people down just to make yourself feel better. You keep
people around not because you really care for them or love them, but because
they feed your ego. Now I know why you don’t like DeeDee. She won’t play
into your hand. She knows who you really are and you can’t stand that. She
won’t kiss your ass to keep her job nor will she let you walk all over her.”
“She doesn’t have to kiss my ass, she’s fucking my father.”
“That’s beside the point, but I also now know why you keep Tanya as your
main bitch. She’s so desperate to be your wife that even if you pissed on her and
told her it was rain, she would believe it. You know what’s fucked up; I think
that you see me the same way that you see her.”
“What, now I know that you’re trippin'. You and Tanya are two different
people.”
“Yeah, well you don’t see me that way. Tanya’s story isn’t too different from
mine. She came into this game wide open and legs spread. She thought you were
the god of the porn world and she felt so lucky to be under your wing. Sure you
molded her and made her into “Tanya”, but who is she now? Not herself, I’m
sure and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be so caught up in your world that I
forget about my own.”
“That’s not what I am trying to do, baby. I just want you to achieve
everything you want within the few years you are allowed in porn. It’s a short
road before the younger and hotter thing comes in. You won’t be number one
forever Jazzy.”
“Is that why you wanted to humiliate me at work, because you want me to
prosper and be number one?”
He knew what I was talking about and wanted the word to get back to me.
But now he was having second thoughts.
“I don’t know what I was thinking, baby, when I left here, I, I was so mad,
your words fucked me up Jazzy. Yes, I wanted to make you feel small, to have
people laugh at you. To tell you the truth, I hated you for a brief time. I thought
about doing a lot of crazy shit to you, but as the weeks went on, I missed you.
The thought of you consumed me and made me realize that I love you.”
As much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t. Maybe he just needed someone
to help change him, and maybe I was the one.
“You love me, Breeze?”
“I do.”
“Oh, my god baby, you do.”
 I got off the couch and walked over to him. His eyes looked glazed, tear
like. When I put my arms around him, I could feel a light tremble in his body.
He put his arms around me and hugged me so tight. He kissed my neck and put
his mouth to my ear and told me that he loved me over and over again.
Butt naked and sweaty, I asked Breeze to get me a glass of water. He did so
with a smile and pleasant attitude. I didn’t know how long it would last but
Blaze’s words did ring in my head. “I wouldn’t pay that small shit no mind, I
would work hard and prosper off that nigga’s sweat, yah dig?” I prayed that I
would remember this every time that I wanted to curse his ass out.
“Hey, baby, do you feel like going to The Devil’s den tonight?” Breeze
asked as he jumped in the bed and kissed my lips.
“Can I invite some friends?”
He didn’t seem to like the idea too much but he wasn’t in the mood to argue.
I had just given him some good nookie and he was in a good mood.
“Is that girl whose been hanging out with DeeDee gonna come?”
“Now why would you ask that?” I asked with the “what the hell” look on my
face.
“Girl, please you know I am not about climbing plump mountains.”
“Yeah, just tall ones.” I joked referring to Tanya.
“Anyway, it’s just that she and DeeDee seem really close if you know what I
mean. I was wondering if she was interested in the business.”
“Well, she’s always asking questions and knows a lot about it. I think that
she may be into it but you would have to ask her.”
He rolled over and got between my legs. He moved his hands down south
and rubbed my sweet spot. As soft moans escaped my lips, he asked me to be his
wing man.
“I don’t know, Breeze, I’m just getting into porn myself. I don’t know how
to convince her that this will be the right move for her.”
“Just tell her the truth. Make her understand that with us, she can be the star
that she has always wanted to be.”
As I thought about it, he lowered his head and kissed my clit as he sucked
and licked bringing me closer to paradise, he asked me one more time.
“Come one, baby, I need you. Tell me that you’ll help me, tell me.”
“Yes, yes. I’ll do anything for you baby.”

*****
 I made my calls and by the end of them, the whole gang excluding Blaze
would be joining us at The Devil’s Den. Breeze and I showered and dressed to
impress. Once we were ready to go, I couldn’t help but really feel like a super
star. We made one fine ass couple. We jumped into his white Bentley and set out
to convince Ebony.

*****

We pulled up to The Devil’s Den and got out of the car. There we no lines
and no sign so we got out of the car and waited for our party to arrive. Ten
minutes later the calls started to come in and I handed Breeze my cell phone so
that he could give directions. Twenty minutes later, Tyree, Jamar, and Ebony
pulled up.
“Where in the hell are you two taking us?” Jamar asked as he stuck his head
out of the passenger side window.
“You’re here, silly.” I watched as all three of them looked around and
wondered what the hell I was talking about.
“Just get out of the car; you all act like this is a set up or something.” Breeze
said as he squeezed my ass. I got the feeling that he enjoyed the chase and
Ebony was sure to be caught.
“So is this all of us?” Breeze asked as he took my hand. He knew damn well
that DeeDee was on her way but he wanted to catch Ebony’s expression.
“Now you know we gotta wait for my girl,” she answered, playing right into
his hand.
“That we do.”
As the words came out of his mouth, DeeDee came speeding down the street
and into a parking spot.
“Let’s get this show on the road.”
DeeDee took the lead and knew the way. She had been there with Mr.
Cappello and could get in with just the flash of her smile.
Once inside, we were taken to Breeze’s favorite table and the drinks started
pouring. Within an hour, everyone was relaxed and enjoying the night. We
danced and laughed and even Breeze was getting along with DeeDee. When he
saw Ebony leaving the dance floor for a breather, he taped me on the ass and
pointed at the table. It was a good time to get in her ear. He told me that he
would bring over some drinks and off I went.
“Hey girl, that dance floor is packed with fine honeys, huh?” I asked as she
fanned herself.
“Girl, I need to bag me one of these niggas, all of them look paid.” There it
was; she left it right open for me to get in.
“Girl, what are you gonna go, it’s been a while since you had a paycheck,
right?”
“My pockets are hurting right now, maybe I should jump on this porn thing,
what do you think?”
I knew that she was just joking but she was right, she needed a J.O.B.
“Maybe you should really look into that. I know that Breeze would love you
have you on his team; you’re beautiful and have a great personality. You could
really make it big if that’s what you wanted to do.”
Her eyes lit up as soon as the words left my mouth. She was like a gay chick
that was trapped in the closet. She always asked too many questions, and talked
about being a porn star way too much not to want to do it.
“Do you really think that Breeze thinks that I could be a star?”
“Girl, yes, he was just asking about you before we came here. He can’t get
over your presence. He’s always asking about you. Trust me he would sign you
today if you let him.”
I watched her as she thought about the big picture. She did need a job and
she did love to fuck. She just wasn’t sure about doing it on film.
“But tell me, how is it to really get down in front of all of the crew and
camera, you don’t feel weird?”
“Well…it’s something that you have to get used to. But by your third film,
you start to think of it for what it is, a job.”
I felt bad lying to her but I was doing what Breeze asked me to do. Sure, I
still cringed at the thought of what I was doing but the payoff was worth it…
sometimes.
“Look, Ebony, I’m not going to lie to you, this job is not for everyone, but if
it is, wow. I came into this with nothing to my name. I felt like a nobody and
thought that I would never be famous. But now, now I have almost a half of
million in my bank account, people stop me in the street just to ask me to sign a
piece of paper, and men from all walks of life want me. I’m talking about
football players, actors, rappers, you name it. Did it fuck with me in the
beginning that maybe my family or old friends would find out, sure? However,
when I think about them, none of them are living this nice. None of them have
what I have and that’s saying a lot. If most of them had the balls that I do, they
would all be showing their pussies to the world to live how I live. You can take
that shit to the bank Ebony.”
She sat back and took in my words. I could tell that she was one step closer
to closing the deal with Fantasy Pictures.
Everyone was back at the table talking shit and having a good time. By
1:00AM we were all tipsy and very well on our way to being drunk. Feeling
good and very happy to all be healthy and wealthy, Breeze called over the
waitress, “Can we have six rounds of Blood Lust?”
“Are you sure?
“Very.” We all watched the waitress walk away wondering what she meant
by “are you sure.”
“What was that about, baby?” I asked as my curiosity got the best of me.
“Well, there is this drink here that only members can order. It’s $1500.00 a
drink and tastes like nothing I have ever had before. It’s known to be an
aphrodisiac.”
“Wow that sounds exotic. But $1500.00, that’s kind of steep,” Ebony said
being that she’s the only one there that had to really worry about money.
“You’re well worth it honey.”
I had to hold back my laughter as I watched Breeze wink at Ebony and rub
her thigh. When I looked over at her, she was eating that shit up with a golden
spoon. She had a grin on her face that ran from ear to ear. After looking around
for everyone else’s reaction, Breeze got up and went over to the bar to check on
our expensive drinks. Five minutes later, he came back with two drinks in hand
in front of the waitress. He handed Ebony hers and waited for us to receive ours.
“To new opportunities and open doors, back doors,” he said, trying to be
funny. We all got his joke and laughed along. The drink that was called Blood
Lust was just as red as the walls in The Devil’s Den. It smelled like blackberries
but tasted like peaches. It was ice cold and not too thick with what looked like
smoke coming off the top. I wasn’t sure what was in it but once it hit my mouth
it tingled and tickled my tongue and throat.
“So, what do you all think, was it worth the money?” Breeze asked as he sat
his barely touched drink down.
“I think that this is the best drink that I have ever had. What’s in it?”
“I never asked; it’s too good to ask and get the wrong answer. I don’t want to
risk not ever drinking it again.”
 We all laughed at Breeze as we downed our drinks. Ebony was the first to
finish before asking Breeze if he was going to drink his. He handed it to her and
everyone watched her chug it down.
“Wooooo, that shit is fire. My whole body is tingling.” Ebony looked fucked
up. We all looked at each other, then at her, and laughed.
“Well, if that’s what this drink does to you, I’m gonna have to get a second
round,” DeeDee said as she finished her first one.
“I second that,” I said as I sat my empty glass down. Five minutes later, we
all were working on Blood Lust round two. As we all hit the dance floor again,
our bodies no longer belonged to us. Every part of me wanted to be touched by
Breeze. My nipples were rock hard and my pussy was throbbing. When I looked
over at the other four, I thought that we would all end up going at it in front of
everyone in the club. Tyree and Jamar were grinding on each other so hard that I
had to look closely to make sure that neither of them had their dick out. Ebony
and DeeDee well, there was no way that they could go back to just being friends
after that night. They were kissing and touching every part of the other’s body.
Once I saw this, I pointed Breeze in their direction and he went in for the kill. He
walked over to where they were halfway dancing and half way fucking and he
slid between them. He pulled Ebony and DeeDee close and whispered in their
ear. He later told me what he said.
“You two look so fucking hot together, I would love to watch you two go at
it.”
“Trust me, Breeze, I’ve tried my hardest to get between them thick thighs,
but she keeps turning me down,” DeeDee said as she reached over and rubbed
on Ebony’s ass.
“Are you fucking crazy, from what I hear DeeDee is the best at making
women cum? You don’t know what you’re missing Ebony.”
“Well, I have been thinking about it. And maybe---.”
“Maybe what? What do you have to lose? I am ready to give you a thirty
thousand signing bonus and make you a star. You’re the only one stopping
yourself baby.” The battle that was taking place inside Ebony’s head
disappeared when everything collided and formed a decision that was a force to
be reckoned with.
“Okay, I think that I am ready for this.”
Breeze smiled and wanted to grab her and kiss her. Not because he liked her
in that way, but because he got his way. He was a spoiled brat that wanted what
he wanted, when he wanted it.
 “How about you DeeDee, are you up for a taping tonight?”
DeeDee was so ready to jump Ebony’s bones that she would have done it for
free. The money she was going to make off this shot was just an added incentive.
“Are you ready to go?” DeeDee asked as she took Ebony’s hand. Breeze
walked over to me and told me that it was about to be on and poppin’. I walked
over to the boys and told them the news as DeeDee and Ebony followed Breeze
to the bar. Either they were way too drunk or too into each other because neither
Tyree nor Jamar seemed to give a fuck that Ebony was about to get her porn
cherry popped. Breeze sent the guys one more round of Blood Lust before was
all headed for the door.

*****

Back at the warehouse, Breeze and I played grab-ass as the ladies got ready.
He felt as if I was there for him and held him down. At first, he thought that I
may have fumbled but I proved him wrong.
“I really wouldn’t have closed this deal without you tonight. You worked
your shit baby. This is what I am talking about when I tell you that you hardly
know your own potential.”
He kissed my lips and pushed me onto the set couch.
“You know what I should do? I should say fuck this film and just spend the
rest of the night giving my baby some sealing the deal dick.”
“Not after all of the work I put in tonight. There better be some pussies
rubbing and some clit sucking,” I said with a drunken laugh. Breeze licked down
my neck and would have gone even further if the features in his films didn’t
show up.
“Well, goddamn, you two girls look like a hot fuck on a platter. I know this
shit is gonna be off the hook.”
After a brief run though, the ladies took their place on set and action was
called on the film. I watched as DeeDee kissed and sucked on every part of
Ebony’s body. She moved slow and savored every part of Ebony. By the time
she reached her clit, she had Ebony begging her to never stop. I guess Breeze
was right about DeeDee, she sure did look like the pussy eating champ. At the
end of the two hour session, DeeDee had fucked her every way a lesbian could. I
counted six different toys and countless licks. I was tired from watching them
work but oh, so wet.
“So when will this be coming out, what’s the name gonna be, will I be on the
cover?”
As soon as “Cut” was yelled Ebony had a handful of questions. She had
signed her contract earlier and felt like a full-fledged porn star.
“Calm down, girl, you’ll find all of this mess out in due time. But I was
wondering myself what you were gonna call this one.”
Breeze looked thankful that DeeDee was there to calm Ebony’s inquisitive
ass down.
“I’m thinking…DeeDee Delight’s Hidden Desires.”
“That’s cute, but what about my name. I thought that you always gave names
after the first shot or test drive. How long do I have to wait?”
“You don’t, Ebony, that’s what I decided to call you, Desire. Do you like it?”
Ebony stood still and thought about it.
“Yeah I like that. Desire, Desire,” she repeated the name to herself to see if
she liked the ring of it.
“I definitely love it. It’s me in one word.”
 Chapter 14

“We better win. We deserve it.”

A month later everybody was relieved and relaxed. We got our test results
back two weeks earlier and, thank God, everybody was negative. Well, almost
everybody. Tyree, my friends, and I were all good so I was happy, and thankful.
I was also well aware now. That was the first time I actually stopped and thought
about how easily I could’ve caught something that I couldn’t get rid of.
Production was back up and running, so Blaze and I finally finished my last
scene for “Satisfy Your Kravings”. That film was in the editing stages, while I
started filming scenes for a new movie featuring a lot of stars, including Tyree
and Blaze. It was an oral sex only movie called “Head Bangers”. Besides that all
of Fantasy Picture’s big stars were getting ready to fly out to Vegas for the
annual Adult Entertainment Expo that takes place every January to promote our
movies, and to greet fans. The expo features the hottest adult stars, and the latest
sex technology on the market today. We also had the AVN awards show to go to
while we were there. Between Tyree and me, we were both nominated for seven
awards, which included best threesome, best bi-sexual scene, most dramatic, best
actor, best gay, best group, and best deep throat. Jasmine was nominated with us
for best threesome, most dramatic, and best bi-sexual film, so I was excited that
we could share that experience together. Jasmine invited Ebony to Vegas with
us. She said if Ebony paid for her own flight she could stay in her suite with her.
DeeDee wasn’t nominated for anything, but she was coming with Mr. Cappello.
Two nights before we flew to Vegas, Tyree and I went with Jasmine to her
first club appearance. I had to put her on to it so she could make some more
money. Don’t get me wrong she was definitely getting paid, but I told her she
needed to profit as much as she could off her success while she was hot. The
first time she came out to support one of our appearances it was so funny. It was
tranny night, so a lot of the tranny chasers were hitting on Jasmine all night long
telling her she was the best looking one in the club. Even the transsexuals were
telling her she looked good, asking her for tips, and telling her that she looked
just like a woman. I could tell she was getting tired of hearing it, and hated
having to explain that she was a female over and over again. I don’t think any
woman wants to be mistaken for a tranny, but she should’ve looked at the bright
side, at least they were saying she was the best. I would’ve taken it as a
compliment. I told her if she was at a straight club her experience would’ve been
a hell of a lot better. She had fun though, and she could tell it was easy money so
she wanted to start doing it right away. For her first time the club was packed
with men trying to take her picture. I told her to make sure she looked good, but
damn she looked sexy. If I was a straight man she definitely would’ve had me
lusting after her, or if I was a woman I would’ve wanted to look just like her.
She made at least fifteen thousand dollars that night, and she only had to stay
until 1:00AM I swear some of those men in that club were L.A. pimps trying to
get her on their teams. If she was nervous at all her first time she’s a good actress
because she didn’t let it show. I saw Tyree staring her down all night but it
didn’t bother me. Hell, I was staring her down too. After we left we went back to
Jasmine’s place. We didn’t stay too long. Tyree was horny, and wanted to leave.
I teased him on the way home and said, “You want to take me home right away
so you can fuck me with your eyes closed while you picture Jasmine.” He denied
it and laughed it off. Of course as soon as we got home we got it in. Afterwards
Tyree was knocked out, but I wasn’t tired so I started packing for Vegas a little
early.
The next day was crazy and long. Everyone was trying to finish up last
minute errands before flying out the following day. All I had to do was see the
barber so I could look fresh and clean, and I had to go to the tailor to pick up my
suit. I brought a Christian Dior fitted suit, and it was a good choice because I
looked good in it. Tyree went with me when I picked it out, and decided he
wanted to wear one as well. He chose one that was a little different from mine so
we weren’t looking like those corny ass couples who dress alike. That was the
first time I saw him in something besides street clothes. He looked so handsome
and sexy. I stopped, looked at us, and fantasized if that was how we’d look if
one day we decided to get married. I was looking like something, and Tyree was
definitely looking like something so we were ready to go. We were only going
for the weekend so we didn’t have to pack that much.
Leaving for Vegas was a bitch because there was so much traffic, and LAX
was big and confusing as hell. It reminded me of the first time I arrived there for
my audition interview with Fantasy Pictures. I remembered knowing right away
I hated that airport. It took us a little over an hour to get through security. Ebony
was supposed to ride with us to the airport, but she waited until the last minute to
pack, so we left her. She had to catch a cab, because she didn’t want to pay for
her car to be parked at the airport all weekend but she was lucky enough to fly
with Jasmine, DeeDee, and Mr. Cappello in a private jet. Our first class flight
was packed but it was only an hour long which was perfect, because I hate
flying. I feel like every time I fly I’m testing Fate. I was disappointed that we
were flying into Vegas during the day, because it looked dull and deserted from
the view above. Last year we flew in at night and everyone aboard the plane
started yelling and clapping, because the entire city was lit up. A very handsome
middle aged limo driver was waiting for us holding a sign that said “Fantasy
Pictures,” after we greeted him he took our bags, loading them in the trunk of the
stretch limo, and then drove us to our hotel.
We all stayed in the Palms Hotel and resort because the AVN awards took
place there. Tyree and I shared the Fantasy Crib Suite because it was more than
enough room for two people. It was huge, and the view of the city was amazing,
especially at night. Everything was on point so I made some mental notes for
interior decorations for my future home. There was a 42 inch plasma television
hanging up on the wall in the living room above the fireplace, which was parallel
to a comfortable cream colored wrap around leather couch, a really nice pool
table, a huge balcony that over looked the city, and a state-of-the-art kitchen
which included a sit down bar. The full bathroom had a whirlpool bathtub,
which was nice and relaxing. The bedroom was my favorite room, it had a king
sized bed, another 42 inch plasma television, and an additional balcony that I
chilled on in the morning while I enjoyed some coffee. It was the type of place I
liked staying at. I unpacked right away while Tyree chilled on the couch
watching the sports channel. Twenty minutes later he wanted to grab something
to eat while I wanted to gamble. I compromised with him since we had to appear
at the Adult Entertainment Expo in three hours. We had no idea if food would be
provided, especially since there wasn’t any last year. Tyree is picky when it
comes to food so in case they were serving something it was probably something
he or I wouldn’t want. We went to Simon Restaurant and Lounge in the Palms.
Tyree was in the mood for lasagna, but I chose the spaghetti and meatballs with
some bread, and a house salad on the side. The portions were just the right size,
and everything was delicious. After we finished eating we still had some time to
kill so we finally got to do what I wanted to do. I won three thousand dollars on
my first bet at the roulette table. I put all of my money on black and won. I
figured if I lost I could’ve easily went to the ATM machine to get some more
money. After that, I won some, lost some, but by the time I was finished at that
table I won over eight thousand dollars. Tyree lost six hundred dollars and then
quit. He was scared he’d lose too much of his money. You know what they say
“scared money won’t win money”, and “you have to play to win”. We walked
over to the blackjack tables, but after I lost fourteen hundred of my winnings, I
felt like Tyree must’ve felt and walked away. We had an hour left before we
were expected to make an appearance so we went back to the hotel and changed
our clothes. Breeze made us wear Fantasy Pictures t-shirts but they were hot
though. We were able to add our opinions, and suggestions which helped. They
were black with Fantasy Pictures written on the front in a rainbow pattern, and
on the back there was a picture of Tyree and I naked facing each other while
Tyree was grabbing my ass, along with names of clubs and dates for our
upcoming appearances. Breeze hired the fluffers, and some of the girls who
didn’t quite make top earnings yet to walk around promoting Fantasy Pictures
with black t-shirts saying “Porn Stars” in hot neon pink on the front, with the
company’s website on the back. We wore the t-shirts with nice fitted jeans, and
fresh kicks. Tyree wore a skull cap on his head while I showed off my freshly
cut fade. We both were looking like something so we knew the men were going
to be all on us. Walking into the Sands Expo Center took me back to last year’s
expo, except last year I was running inside instead of walking because I was late.
Breeze was waiting at my booth and I could tell right away that he was
pissed. He lectured me on how being on time is important, and warned me that
one of his biggest pet peeves was tardiness. Thankfully the second time around
we were early. I looked around and it was chaos. People were running around
plugging up equipment, hanging up lights, and still setting up their booths down
to the last minute. Our booth was finished and empty as we approached it. It was
just like last year’s booth, simple. It basically had Fantasy Pictures’ logo all over
it, with pictures of the covers that made the most money that year. There were
boxes and boxes of DVDs and solo pictures of Tyree and me. I wish we could’ve
taken new photos, but Breeze used our promo pictures from our “Straight Ass
for Cash” video. We were selling the DVD’s for thirty dollars apiece. If
someone brought a DVD we would sign it, and give them an autographed
picture. There wasn’t anywhere to sit unless you wanted to rest your ass on the
black table clothed counter. I knew once the expo opened sitting down wouldn’t
be an option because everyone would want us to sign stuff. Before the fans are
allowed in, the Expo consists of industry professionals and the media in order to
permit companies to make and build business and media contacts. One reporter
asked Tyree, “Konceited, tell your fans what they can expect to see from you
next year?”
“They can expect to see a lot more hot videos, and hopefully see me cross
over into straight porn as well.”
“So what you’re saying is, you’re planning on starring in straight porn and
gay porn?”
“As long as I’m getting paid what I deserve, I will, so for all you producers
out there who are watching this if the money is right, I just might.”
I was stunned because I had no idea that Tyree wanted to cross over into
straight porn. He never mentioned any of this to me. I knew he wanted to do
another movie with Jasmine but that was it. As soon as the reporter walked away
I questioned him.
“So what the fuck was that all about?”
“What are you talking about Jamar?”
“All that crossing over shit that you were talking about. You never told me
that’s what you wanted to do.”
“Look I know I’m your man and all, but I don’t have to tell you EVERY
FUCKING THING THAT I WANT TO DO.”
“Damn, calm down, Tyree. It’s not that big of a deal. I just thought we were
business partners and worked together on everything, but lately you’ve been
making decisions without me. I feel like you don’t even need me anymore, and
let me tell you something, it’s not a good feeling.”
“Aww, don’t feel like that, baby. You know I got mad love for you, but
things are moving so fast for me, and I love it. I’m trying to make as many
movies as I can. I don’t care if they’re straight, bi, gay, with you, or without you.
I’m trying to get paid, you feel me? Besides at the end of the day it’s you that
I’m coming home to.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
“It’s cool, come here.”
I walked over to Tyree, and his smile made me melt. All I could do was
smile back just as hard as he grabbed me and pulled me close. We started
making out right there in the booth. Even though people were constantly walking
by, to me it felt like we were the only ones in that convention center. I wanted to
fuck him so bad, but I knew that would’ve been inappropriate, and I definitely
didn’t want Breeze to hear about it. I didn’t need another lecture from him. The
fans were finally allowed in, and we already had a line. Two hours later this bad
ass bottom, who was trying to bring back the Eric Benet blonde tipped shoulder
length dreads approached our booth. He was fine, and about 5’6” with a honey
complexion, skinny body, phat ass, thick juicy lips, and had the sexiest light
brown eyes that I have ever seen. He asked if we could sign his ass cheeks. All I
could think of was those chicks who want famous men to sign their breast. I
looked over at Tyree and he was laughing. We agreed to do it so he pulled down
his skinny skins revealing a sexy black thong. We kneeled down and I signed his
left cheek while Tyree signed the right one. His friends were taking pictures of
us posing with him as we squeezed his ass. That made our day, but I’m sure that
made his year, or it was at least the highlight of his day. There were still so many
men waiting in line for a chance to meet us. There was even a bunch of looky-
loos standing off to the side, watching us and taking pictures. I guess they didn’t
feel like waiting in that long line to meet us. We weren’t there three hours before
we were sold out of DVD’s. We still had lots of pictures to give away though.
We stayed and continued to do what we normally do at the clubs, which was
sign stuff, and take pictures with the fans. It was definitely fun and the best part
of my trip.
After four hours we decided to leave the booth, and walk around to see what
else was going on. We walked over to see Jasmine, and to see how she was
doing. She was just as busy as we were, and she had a line wrapped around her
booth too. A couple of her fans recognized us from “Baby, Bi the Way” and
asked if we could pose with her for pictures. We took about 20 pictures before
we told Jazzy we would meet up with her later, and then we walked around some
more. We were told there were over thirty thousand people in the convention
center, and over two hundred and fifty booths. There were a couple of musical
performances throughout the day but they weren’t main stream because I had no
idea who they were and I hated the music that they played.
There were hundreds of popular porn stars standing at their booths, and
walking around. Besides the stars, I saw all kinds of crazy things going on, there
were people playing naked twister, artists doing body paint on naked females,
people dressed in all kinds of costumes, ladies were lube wrestling in a large
blow up swimming pool, people were riding this huge mechanical penis,
strippers dancing on poles behind glass. The strippers were also giving free
lessons, and having contests for the ladies who could do the best pole tricks. We
walked a little further and there were some girls in laced panties lying on a bed
passing out free samples of condoms. Most of the females in there were wearing
sexy lingerie, racy clothing, or they were damn near naked. I saw some new shit
that I didn’t know existed like 3D porn, which was kind of cool, some life sized
sex dolls called Real Dolls, and some female sex robots that could hold
conversations, and have intimate encounters with its owner. We could only walk
a few feet before someone would stop us to ask us questions, give us
compliments, and to take more pictures. I’m not rude, so of course, we stopped
each time. By this point all I wanted to do was smoke, eat, smoke, and then fuck
Tyree. All of those hot guys hitting on us all day made me horny, and I was sure
Tyree felt the same. We grabbed something to eat at the bar of our hotel, and
then went up to our suite to do everything that I was in the mood for. The next
day Tyree, the girls, and I hung out, we went shopping, sightseeing, and rode
some of the rides along the way. One of the rides that we decided to try was the
roller coaster of New York-New York. It was cool because the entire hotel was
made to look like New York City, and the coaster was designed to look like a
taxi cab. DeeDee made it clear that she was not a thrill seeker, and that she
wasn’t riding any of the coasters.
“You can count me out. DeeDee don’t do roller coasters.”
“Aww, come on, girl. Live a little,” I replied.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do, and I’m going to live my ass right
here. You can risk your life if you want to, but I’m not a risk taker. Besides if I
get on someone will have to ride alone, so this way it works out perfectly.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind waiting? The line looks kind of long. It’s
probably going to be a thirty minute wait.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Go ahead and have fun. I’m going to get a soda, smoke a
cigarette, and chill right here.”
“Okay cool. We’ll meet you here after we get off.”
Twenty minutes later it was our turn to ride. Tyree wanted to sit in the front
seat so Ebony got stuck riding with him. Jazzy and I like crazy rides, but neither
of us will sit in the front. I don’t know Jasmine’s reasoning behind it, but my
way of thinking is if the roller coaster falls off the track the front will most likely
be the first to hit the ground, so hopefully if you’re in the middle there’s a
chance you’ll live. The ride was so much fun that I laughed the entire time.
Afterwards Jazzy and I walked over to the souvenir shop to see how our pictures
turned out while Tyree and Ebony met back up with DeeDee. Jazzy had her eyes
closed while I was smiling with my hands up in the air. I looked over and saw
Tyree and Ebony’s photo.
“Look J, Tyree and Ebony were so scared, look at her face.”
 “I see, she closed her eyes and had to hold Tyree’s hand,” Jasmine replied.
“I didn’t even catch that. Damn she was terrified.”
I started laughing because I never saw a picture of two people that scared on
a ride before. I couldn’t wait to tease them about it later. I brought two copies of
each so we all would have one to remember that day. After we met back up with
everyone else we were hungry and decided to eat lunch at the Gallagher’s
Steakhouse inside of the New York New York Hotel and Casino. It was a cute
fancy restaurant. A little pricey but the food was really good so it was worth it.
After we finished eating I showed everyone the photos, and Ebony looked so
embarrassed because everybody was laughing her out. Then, we started to talk
about the awards show.
“So are y’all excited about tonight?” I asked.
“I’m excited, but I’m so nervous,” Jasmine replied.
“Why?” Tyree asked.
“Well, what if I win? I have to get up on stage and talk in front of all those
people. I have a little speech prepared, but what if I get up there and forget
everything I want to say,” Jasmine replied.
“If you forget everything just play it by ear, and speak from the heart. It’s the
AVN’s, to porn stars it is serious, but you don’t have to be so serious on stage.
You’re not winning an Oscar on live television you know. Just have fun with it,
because everyone else will,” DeeDee stated.
“Hold up I have to say something to Jasmine.” I paused and waited for
everyone to look at me. “What do you mean if you win? You do know were
winning a few awards for our movie right? So get those nerves out of your
system girl because we’ll definitely be on that stage a few times tonight.”
“We better win. We deserve it,” Tyree said throwing his two cents in.
“No, trust me I know we will,” I said.
“I know that’s right Jamar. I love your confidence. I hope next year we’ll all
be back here again and I’m nominated for something,” Ebony said.
“Just keep doing what you’re doing girl and you will.” DeeDee assured her.
“DeeDee, were you nervous the first time you won an award?” Jasmine
asked.
“Of course, I think everyone is a little nervous before walking on stage, but I
wasn’t nervous about talking in front of everyone, or forgetting my speech. I was
nervous I’d trip and fall and embarrass myself,” DeeDee replied.
“Oh, shit, I’ve been so nervous thinking about what I’m going to say that
falling never crossed my mind,” Jasmine said.
 “Oh, great thanks DeeDee, for putting that imagine in her head. Now she’s
going to be even more nervous,” I stated.
“Hell, she asked, so I answered. Jasmine you don’t have anything to worry
about. You’re going to be just fine, and the more you walk up on that stage the
more you’ll relax and love it,” DeeDee said as she looked at Jasmine.
Jasmine smiled, and then said “I know. Once I’m there and had a drink or
two I’ll be fine.”
We left the restaurant and headed back to the Palm’s so we could all get
ready for the awards show. Once Tyree and I were in the suite he rolled a blunt
for us to share while I gave him some head. Once we, or should I say once he
was finished, we showered then started getting dressed in our suits. We were
both looking fine and ready so we headed down to the bar for a drink while we
waited for the girls. DeeDee had to meet up with Mr. Cappello, but Jasmine and
Ebony met us at the bar, and both of them looked gorgeous. When it was almost
time for the awards to start we headed to the ballroom that was set up for the
show. We found our seats and thanks to Breeze we were all seated together. The
awards show was nice and definitely entertaining. Most of the adult stars were
dressed to impress, unlike their public image that they’re known for in photos
and magazines. Forty minutes passed before our categories approached. I
actually started to feel anxious. I couldn’t wait to accept the awards I worked so
hard for. Not only would the nominations help me maintain a successful porn
career, but I knew if I won more producers would be requesting me for their
movies; and they would hire me at a higher rate. Tyree was the first to win for
best male in a gay porno. I was happy for him, and I could see it written all over
his face the moment the presenter said, “Konceited” that he was thrilled and
thought he was the man. He walked up to the stage calm and cool. He kept his
speech short but sweet. He thanked Breeze and Fantasy Pictures for giving him a
chance, all of the producers for making him look even better on film, his fans for
supporting him, and most importantly myself for being there for him, and for
introducing him to a whole new lifestyle. Jasmine was next to win for best new
cummer, and she looked beautiful on stage. I knew she was happy she won
because it showed. She didn’t appear nervous at all and gave a nice acceptance
speech. Tyree and I, along with a few others were nominated for best gay group
scene, but we lost to the boys over at Treasure Media. I lost best male deep
throat to Blaze, who I didn’t even know was in Vegas let alone nominated for an
award. I wasn’t upset though because he deserved it. Nobody can make twelve
inches of dick disappear with ease like Blaze. He makes it look easy, but trust
me it’s not. Plus, I knew it would help blow up his career. Breeze would have to
pay him more money per scene now. By this point I was starting to feel left out,
and didn’t think I was going to win anything. Jasmine won again for best female
before I finally won for best gay scene, the one award I didn’t care if I won or
not. I won it with Domingo for the scene we filmed for “Dicking Down
Domingo”. I accepted it on both of our behalves, and thanked Domingo for a hot
scene and wished him the best. I thanked my fans, and everyone who had made
it possible for me to make it that far. After that the awards kept coming in.
Jasmine and some sexy ass performer named Lust won for hottest ebony duo.
Then, Jasmine, Tyree, and I won all three of the categories that we were
nominated for, and we made shorter and shorter speeches each time we went
back on stage together.
 Chapter 15

VEGAS, HERE I COME!

Things were going okay in the passing weeks. Vegas was only a day away
and my career was looking up. Jamar had put me on to the club game and I was
bringing in big bucks. I was so damn nervous the first time I had to get up on
that stage by myself, but I sucked it up and put on my game face. There was a
big turn out and the fans put me at ease. Once I heard them cheering me on and
saw the excitement on the men’s faces, everything fell into place. I even got
turned on as the men were damn near drooling and lusting over me. It was like a
power trip and I wanted more. I had gained the 10 pounds I had lost plus 5 extra,
boy was that work. I ate everything in sight and loved my new plump ass and
hips. I looked like the real Boricua I truly was. Everything was going good at
work. I had filmed three movies in the past week. The names were, Jezebel’s
Jubilee, which was about a couple who decided to swap partners on their
honeymoon. Jungle Jezebel, in which I had to dress up like Jane from Tarzan. I
did one scene in Mile High, where everyone got down on a realistic jet that was
built in the warehouse, but I just had a “head” scene, which was okay with me.
Ebony had become a permanent fixture around the warehouse and was there
even when she didn’t have a scene to do. She was soaking in as much as she
could in hopes that she would become a top biller like the rest of us in our
clique.
“Why are you leaving so early?” Ebony asked as I gathered my duffle bag
and headed out of the dressing room.
“Girl, please, my job is done for the day, and I can’t stand being around these
hatful bitches for too long, it may rub off,” I said with a smile. She was a sweet
girl and I was trying hard to like her. But there was something in her that was
putting me off. I watched her dealings with DeeDee and it seemed to me like
Ebony wasn’t putting as much into their friendships as DeeDee was. Watching
Ebony flirt with Mr. Cappello was disgusting. I had heard that she was sharing a
bed with not only DeeDee but with the head man in charge. That she was hardly
sleeping at home and spent most of her time with them. It wouldn’t have been a
problem if she did it in front of DeeDee but she was always dropping game on
him when DeeDee was gone.
“Anyways, I have to really start packing for Vegas. Did you find out if the
company was sending you?”
She stood up and got close to me so that the other women in the locker room
wouldn’t hear.
“I have been meaning to talk to you about that. Since I am so new and my
first film won’t be out until next week, Breeze said that I have no reason to go.
I’m gonna try and work my way in with DeeDee and Mr. Cappello, but I know I
won’t want to room with them. Do you think that if I fly in I’ll be able to share a
room with you, is that offer still on the table?”
I wanted to really have time to think about it. Like I said before, she was cool
and all but I didn’t want to get too close. I know that she was considered to be
Jamar’s good friend and roommate, but I just wasn’t too sure about her.
“Let me find out about Breeze and I’ll let you know.”
I got out of there before she asked me anything else. I headed up to the office
to say goodbye to Breeze and collect my check. Once again I was stopped by the
yelling in Breeze’s office and a glass crashing against the wall.
“WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY. DIDN’T I TELL
YOU THAT WE WEREN’T GONNA USE THAT SHIT ANYMORE. WHY
CAN’T YOU FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS?”
“YOU ARE SUCH A HYPOCRITE DAD. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT
TOLD ME ABOUT MIXING THAT SHIT INTO PEOPLE’S DRINKS. NOW
YOU WANNA GET ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY, PLEASE.”
I heard Mr. Cappello take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You are making my life so fucking hard, Breeze. All I need you to do is
listen when I fucking talk. NO MORE USING THAT SHIT ON POTENTIAL
ACTORS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
“I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here. I am so tired of being your damn
punching bag. Maybe while I’m in Vegas you’ll see how much work I really put
in around here.”
“You’re not going and that’s final.”
“WHAT, I’m supposed to be flying in with Tanya, and what about Jazzy, I
told her that I would be there for her?”
 “I’m going, and Tanya can fly there on her own dime. I don’t want her in my
private jet that I paid for. As for Jazzy, she can fly with DeeDee, and I.”
“This is going to be her first year there and I was going to show her the
ropes. I have to be there for her dad.”
“Oh, give me a fucking break. You did everything you could to make sure
she didn’t get nominated for any awards. You even tried to blackball her
nomination for her movie with Lust. How fucking dumb can you be? Those
nominations and wins are what separate the stars from the ordinary and there
you were trying to roadblock her. I thought you said you cared for her son? It’s a
good thing I’ve been good to the people in this industry. Someone was nice
enough to call me and tell me that someone had it out for one of my top earners.
How do you think I felt when I found out it was my own son?”
“Dad, it’s not about the business…that was personal.”
“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. WHEN IT COMES TO MY STARLETS IT’S
ALWAYS BUSINESS. SEPARATE YOUR DICK FROM YOUR POCKETS,
SON. IF YOU CAN’T DO THAT THEN THIS IS NOT THE JOB FOR YOU.”
Breeze said nothing. I was fuming behind the door and my heart skipped a
beat when I heard Lust’s name, but I decided not to show it. I knocked on the
office door and asked for my check. Breeze handed it to me and I left the office
and half way ran to my car. I sat there without starting it and just thought about
things. Everything in me was telling me that I was one of Breeze’s drugging
victims the night I filmed with Lust. I remember feeling out of it and woke up
with an unusual hangover. I sat there wondering who the fuck it was that I was
sleeping with. What kind of crazy sick monster was he? Being a little bratty
bitch with a big ego was a far cry from a psychotic person who went around
drugging people. I knew that I was already playing his crazy game he considered
life, but I didn’t want to end up being a dispensable pawn when he found no
more reason for me to stay around. He was so controlling that he would rather I
not win anything just to keep me in the palm of his hand. Damn, every time I
tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, he was right there to fuck it up.

*****

That night I went home and refused to pick up Breeze’s phone calls. I knew
that this would drive him crazy, forcing him to drive over to my house, and
that’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted to see what he would come up with when
he had to tell me why he wasn’t going to Vegas with me. I wanted to see his face
when he would have to lie and tell me his dad’s reasoning behind his choice in
going instead of sending him. I wanted to know if he would hesitate or flinch
when he was going to blatantly lie in my face. And like clockwork, as I packed
my suitcase, my doorbell rang. I greeted him as if nothing was heard or wrong.
“Where were you, baby, I must have called 10 times,” Breeze asked as I
kissed him hello.
“Really, my phone must still be on silent,” I lied as I walked over to my
phone and pretended to put the ringer back on.
“So, are you all packed, I’m just about done?”
I was on my way back to my bedroom and he was behind me. I made sure to
turn around and looked directly in his eyes when I asked my question. He stuck
his hands in his pockets and jingled his keys. I said nothing as we stood in the
doorway to my bedroom.
“Well, that’s what I was calling you about. I was talking to my dad earlier
and I got some bad news. He told me that since he was going to Vegas with
DeeDee, I would have to stay back.”
“But, why? I thought you told me that you wouldn’t let me go alone?”
He put his arms around my waist and didn’t flinch one bit as he lied.
“You know that I am the second in command. There’s a lot that has to be
done. Films, photo shoots, and interviews. We both can’t be gone. Trust me, I
tried to fight him on this but he wasn’t gonna let DeeDee go to Sin City on her
own.”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT,” I yelled as I stormed to the room. I was
about to put on an Oscar winning performance and he would be none the wise.
“What am I going to do without you there? I need you; you’re supposed to
be my rock. I can’t do this alone, wait, maybe I can call your dad and change his
mind. He seems to like me enough. If this is just about work then maybe he can
get Rickie to fill in, he is the manager right?”
I held up my phone and started to look for his father’s number. He panicked
and grabbed the phone out of my hand.
“There’s no fucking use Jasmine, I’m not going. I have to run a business and
sometimes you have to stay back and fucking work. Don’t you get that?”
Noticing the look on my face, he tried a softer approach. I was ready to make
myself cry if that’s what I had to do. I wanted to see how far he was going to
take this bullshit.
 “Look, baby, there’s nothing more that I could do. I would give heaven on
earth to be there for you but…but I can’t.”
I let the tears roll from my eyes and wet my cheeks. I sat on the bed and
looked like my world had just come crashing down.
“Well, I won’t go. It’s not like I’m nominated for anything so fuck it, I’ll
stay here with you.”
I could tell that he was getting annoyed because I was putting up such a
fight, but I really didn’t give a shit.
“You gotta go; I found out today that you are nominated with the boys for
Baby, Bi the Way. Plus you’re gonna be flying out in style. You have to go and
represent for me Jazzy, show them what hot bitches from Fantasy Pictures are
supposed to look like.”
He thought he was so slick throwing in a compliment. But I was done with
our conversation. He was full of the foulest smelling shit on this green earth and
that’s all I needed to know. He sat down beside me and kissed me softly. He
pushed me back and tried to slip his hands in my undies.
“Sorry, baby, it’s that time of the month. That’s why I only did a blow job
today.”
I pushed him off of me and went into the bathroom. I smiled to myself and
wanted to laugh. I had just used the oldest excuse in the book and it wasn’t even
true. I wasn’t bleeding but I sure as hell didn’t want him in it. I called Ebony and
told her that Breeze wouldn’t be joining me. She damn near jumped for joy
when I told her that she could room with me.

*****

VEGAS, HERE I COME! Mr. Cappello sent a limo to pick me up from my

apartment the next afternoon around 1:30p.m., and hour later I was pulling up to
LAX. Now usually, I go in the same way as everyone else, but that day we took
a totally different route. Once I was checked in and passed security, I sat down
and waited for DeeDee and Mr. Cappello. About 20 minutes later DeeDee was
the first to appear followed by Ebony. I never really took the time to really look
at her, but that day she looked like a star. She looked stunning in her leather
jacket and tight blue jeans. Her thigh high boots seemed to go forever around her
long legs. Everything about her was perfectly styled and she definitely looked
the part of a billionaire’s mistress. Ebony looked good too, just not as pricey.
“Hey, girl, you ready to party?” DeeDee asked as she took a seat beside me.
“Hell yes, and you won’t believe what I found out yesterday. Do you know
that Breeze did everything he could not to get me nominated for any awards this
year?” I watched for her reaction but didn’t get the one that I thought I would.
“Girl, I found out last night. Bobby came over and was so heated over that
shit. I keep telling him to get rid of Breeze’s no good ass but you know how that
goes. His wife would have a fit if he fired her baby boy.”
“Girl, that man is something else,” Ebony added although she could have
kept her feelings to herself.
“Where is Mr. Cappello now?”
As soon as I asked he came walking in. He and DeeDee was a sight to see,
and in a weird way, they looked good together. She greeted him with a big hug
and kiss. He was well dressed and smelled like money.
“Well, hello Jasmine, my god you are looking good enough to eat,” Mr.
Cappello said as he stood me up and hugged me. This was the nicest I had ever
seen him and it was a welcomed change. He was always all business and it was
good to see him on his off time.
“Did you hear the good news Jasmine, I know my honey dip can’t keep her
mouth shut when it comes to good news?” he asked as I sat back down. I knew
what he was talking about but played dumb.
“What, that I get to fly up there with you?”
Mr. Cappello laughed and took my hand.
“Jazzy, you are nominated for six awards, and one of them is for that scene
you did with Lust.”
“What, are you for real? I thought that it was too late for me to get any
nods?”
“Stick with me, Jazzy, you’ll go straight to the top. Shall we go?” Mr.
Cappello asked as he pointed to the private jet that awaited us.
With DeeDee and me on each arm and Ebony on DeeDee’s arm, he was the
envy of all the rich men that sat in the waiting area. We boarded the plane that he
named Delightful and headed for the entertainment capital of the world.

*****
 We were treated like celebrities when we arrived at the Palms Hotel. I was in
awe of not only the hotel but the whole city, aside from the tourist. It seemed
like all of the beautiful people were stockpiled in one place. The women at the
check in desk alone should have been on the big screen or a fashion runway,
they were that beautiful.
“I have a surprise for you Miss Jezebel.”
I turned around and saw Mr. Cappello holding a key card.
“Since this is your first year with us in Vegas and being that you’re
nominated for six awards, I took the liberty of giving you a little gift.”
My mind was spinning at the thought of my boss giving me a gift. I was
learning that Mr. Cappello really appreciated a top earner.
“I want the memory of your first AVN awards to be the best. I got you a nice
room here. I think it’s called the Erotic suite. Hope you like it Jazzy, you deserve
it.”
I was smiling from ear to ear. I didn’t book a room ahead since I had planned
on Breeze handling all of that. I was just going to take whatever they had so I
was so thankful.
“Oh, my god, Mr. Cappello, this is so nice of you. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say much at all. I have been watching you around the
warehouse and I like your style. You’re never involved in the petty bullshit that
goes on around that place. You know how to handle yourself like a lady. Plus
you’re one of our biggest new comers this year. Enjoy, honey.”
DeeDee gave me a hug and congratulated me on my nods as Ebony looked
on wishing that she was in my place at that exact time.

*****

Walking into the suite made me wish that I never promised Ebony that she
could stay with me. Red was my favorite color and there was no shortage of it in
the suite. The big round rotating bed made me wish I had a man with me, but I
would make do. I headed to the bedroom and surprisingly so did Ebony.
“Hey, I don’t mind you staying with me and all, but you see that bed? I’m
gonna be the only one to sleep in it, is that okay?”
Her face turned real sour real quick but I was going to stand my ground. We
were cool and all but this was my moment in a way, and I didn’t want her in my
face every time I turned around.
“Umm, yeah, that’s cool,” she said clearly a little ticked off. She would just
have to deal with it. The bell boy sat my suitcases down in the room and I tipped
him fifty dollars. I lay on the bed that wasn’t rotating at the moment and reached
for my cell phone.
“Hey J, you have got to come over and see my room. Mr. Cappello hooked
my up right.”
I gave Jamar my room name and within 15 minutes he was there.
“Damn, Jazzy, Mr. Cappello got this room for you? Did you blow him on the
ride over here?” Tyree joked as he looked around. I went on ahead and told them
what Mr. Cappello said and the night’s event with Breeze. I left out the drugging
part. I decided that I was going to keep that info to myself, for the time being.
We sat and talked for another 20 minutes but everyone was kind of on a tight
schedule. The Adult Entertainment Expo was that afternoon and we all wanted
to get some time to ourselves before we had to work. I promised to see Tyree
and Jamar’s room later on that day as they left. Ebony said that she was going to
see DeeDee and left with the boys. I got back into the bed, ordered room service
and just chilled for a while. I took the time to think about my life and where my
decisions had taken me. I knew that things weren’t always peachy but it was
days like this that made it all worth wild.

*****

I was in the middle of the tastiest burger that I had ever had when my cell
phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw DeeDee’s picture that she had taken
and set on my phone.
“Talk fast, honey, you know I don’t talk while I’m eating.”
“I’m not even gonna ask what you’re eating ‘cause it’s probably some nasty
ass meat. Anyway, Bobby has one of the hottest hair and make-up duos out here
to come and hook me up for the Expo and awards. If you want I’ll have them fit
you in?”
I ignored DeeDee’s remark about me eating meat. Ever since she saw a
documentary about the living condition of farm animals, she’s been on this
whole vegetarian kick. She tried to bring that shit to us but I had to let her know
that I was a pure meat eater and wasn’t changing.
 “Will they come to my room or should I just come up to yours?” I asked with
a mouth full of cow.
“Just be up here as soon as you can. I already called Ebony so you two can
just take the elevator to the penthouse.”
“Oh, look at you, looking down on all of us small people.” I joked. We
shared a laugh before hanging up. I finished my meal and told Ebony that we
would leave as soon as I showered.

*****

Mr. Cappello sure didn’t skimp on anything when it came to DeeDee. She
had a rack full of expensive clothes, two hair dressers and a make-up artist. Their
room came with a butler and was the best the hotel had to offer. DeeDee, Ebony
and I got our hair and make-up done and within an hour we were all decked out
in out Fantasy Pictures/Porn star tee shirts and little shorts. I was so thankful that
there was plenty of Champagne in the suite because I needed something to cool
my nerves. Mr. Cappello tried to calm me down as much as possible once he
noticed how badly my legs were shaking.
“Calm down, Jazzy, this isn’t such a big deal. You take pictures and you sign
shit, that’s about it. Just remember that everyone who stands at your booth is
there to see you. You and no one else, you are our breakout star this year and it’s
about time you start acting like it.”
He kissed me on the cheek and out we all went. It was going to be an
experience that I would never forget.
It was like a world of its own. Thousands of people walked around and
gawked at us as we stood at our booths. We were catching major shade from
actors that worked at other companies but DeeDee kept telling me to brush it off.
It seemed like everyone had heard of my nominations and some weren’t so
happy at my late admission. But within three hours, I was feeling myself and the
elements. The fans had my blood pumping and the line around my booth seemed
to go on for miles. Jamar and Tyree came over to see me, which caused the fans
of Baby, Bi the Way to go crazy. We took some pictures with the requesting fans
before they went their own way. Five hours at the Expo and I was beat. I looked
around for the boys to tell them that I was leaving but Tyree was in the middle of
an interview. I stood a few feet away from them and waited for him to finish, but
I didn’t get a chance to talk to them. As soon as Tyree was done, the reporter
came my way and pushed the mic in my face.
“Jezebel, can we have a moment of your time?”
I forced a yes as I watched the boys get into what seemed like a semi heated
conversation.
“Sure, I’m always up for a good interview,” I answered all of her questions
about being new in the business and what it was like to work for Fantasy
Pictures. She asked me about my nominations, but really pressed about Baby, Bi
the Way and Lusting for Jazz, which was the movie I did with Lust. When she
said his name, I blanked out. I heard nothing after his name, which caused me to
ask her to repeat her question.
“Have you seen him since filming and if so, did you two discuss working
together again?”
I took my time before answering. Hearing his name made me wonder where
he was and if he was going to be at the award show.
“Well, I haven’t seen him since shooting and as far as working with each
other again, only time will tell.”
“From what I have heard from your fans, they can’t wait to see you two
together again.”
“Yeah, we had great chemistry, but it’s really up to Fantasy Pictures.”
“Well, if that’s the case I’m sure you two will work together again. I heard
that no one can keep that flick in stock. It’s really a work of art and due to word
of mouth, it’s flying off the shelves.”
I thanked her and let her run down her list of questions for another five
minutes. Once we were done. The boys had left so I headed straight for my
room. Ebony wasn’t there and I was grateful. After my day, I just wanted to
relax, alone.

*****

The next day, we all went to an amusement park and although I had fun, my
mind was on Lust the whole time. Would he be at the award show? What would
it be like when we saw each other again? Would that crazy attraction be there
after all of this time? No matter how much I wanted to lie to myself, I couldn’t.
He was and had always been like a swan that floated on water. He treaded
through my mind endlessly, floating from thought to thought. When I worked,
he was there, when I slept with Breeze, he was there, even when I just lay in my
bed alone, smoking, thinking deeply, he was there. I missed him desperately. My
thoughts were and had always been filled with the thoughts of him touching me,
him looking at me as if he saw my soul with just one glance. I wanted him to be
there, almost needing him there, but I was scared. Breeze was so deceitful that
he had me rethinking everything that he had every said to me, including the Lust
situation.
“Girl, don’t worry about it, you’ll be okay. Just don’t trip.” DeeDee joked.
We were having a conversation about my big night and I had zoned out yet again
thinking about Lust. As the day went on, I prayed that he would be there and that
we would get a chance to reconnect.

*****

On our way back to the hotel, Mr. Cappello called DeeDee and told her that
she, Ebony and I should meet him in the lobby of the hotel. I asked her what it
was about but she didn’t even know.
“What’s good daddy?” DeeDee asked as she greeted Mr. Cappello with a big
hug and kiss.
“I’m taking you girls shopping at the Bellagio. They have the best shops and
I only want the best for you three.”
My mouth dropped open. Since my time at Fantasy Pictures I had really
stepped up my shoe, handbag, and dress game but shopping at the Bellagio, that
was a whole different ballgame.
“So why are we standing here for, let’s spend some money,” DeeDee said
before giving him another kiss and taking his hand.
The shopping in Vegas was crazy. My mind was spinning when I saw the
price tags. DeeDee was like a professional shopper for Ebony and I. She knew
all of the major fashion players and what clothes were from what season. By the
time we were done at the first store, DeeDee had racked up thirty thousand
dollars while Ebony came at a close second at twenty two thousand, as for me, I
only got what I needed, one dress that was under four thousand dollars.
“Okay, now it’s time for the real fun, the shoes. That’s what breaks or makes
an outfit,”
 DeeDee said as she led the way. Since my dress was black, short, and tight, I
went with these sick Jimmy Choo Niagra Plex crystal adorned platform sandals.
They were four inches and had a heel that looked like it had liquid inside of it.
“My, my, Jezebel, those are some sexy ass shoes,” Mr. Cappello said as he
rubbed my back.
“Will you be putting them to use?”
I could tell that he was joking but I wasn’t going to joke back. He was still in
fact Breeze’s father.
“Just to walk up on stage and accept my awards.”
“Ahh, come on, Jazzy, you know what they say, anything that’s done in
Vegas stays in Vegas. Have some fun baby, it won’t hurt. Plus, I have heard that
someone that you know really wants to see you tonight, that’s if he can make it.”
My heart skipped yet another beat. I knew that he was speaking of Lust. Mr.
Cappello stood and watched my reaction. I tried not to give him one but the
smile that I was fighting spread slowly across my face.
“Look at her, she can’t even keep that big shit eating grin off her face. Puppy
love is so cute,” DeeDee mocked as she walked over and pinched my cheeks like
grandma would.
“Get the hell off of me, I’m not even thinking about Lust,” I said as I
playfully pushed her hand away.
“Yeah, okay, we’ll see about that tonight,” DeeDee answered as we headed
for the cash register.
Getting ready for the award show was hectic. Although I was a nervous
wreck, the man and woman that were in my room to do my hair and make-up did
an excellent job. I looked like a star, and not just a porn start but a Hollywood
star. Looking at myself made me wish that I had made it the way I wanted to. I
should have been sharing the big screen with the best of them. I was beautiful,
talented, and headstrong. My down fall was my lack of patience. As a little girl,
my daddy always made sure I wanted for nothing. It didn’t matter if it were a ten
dollar toy or a three hundred dollar pair of shoes, if I wanted it, I got it. That was
one of the hardest things to get used to once he left. I had to learn to be patient
although I’m still not done learning as an adult. I wanted things to happen fast. I
wanted them NOW and couldn’t wait a second longer. So when I got to
Hollywood, I thought that my star would start to shine as soon as I got there.
After months of trying with disappointing results and rising debt, I had to make a
move. Fucking on film was never my first choice nor was it my only. I could
have worked someone’s desk or counter, but where would that get me? I needed
something that was going to put cash in my pocket and my face on a poster. Porn
did those things for me. Porn made me a star. So as I stood looking at the girl I
no longer knew, I wanted to cry and smile all at once. I was proud of her; she
had come a long way. She had done so many things she had only dreamed of.
She was known, women wanted to be her, men wanted her, she was desirable
from all angles, but at what cost? She was diving deeper and deeper into the
seedy world of porn. Her boyfriend has a girlfriend who would spit in her face if
she could. Her man belongs to a real bitch, but that real bitch calls Breeze her
man nonetheless. She hasn’t talked to her mother in god knows how long and
would die if her mom found out what she really did for a living. Her father is
gone and loves another child in her place, and the man that could have saved her
soul, well…she kicked him out in a fit of rage.
“Yeah, look at you now Jazzy,” I whispered to myself as I got close to the
mirror. I made sure to say Jazzy and not Jasmine. She had been gone for some
time now and I wasn’t about to go searching for her on my big night.
“My god you are beautiful. It’s crazy how lucky some people are. A lot of
people in this world pay a lot of money to a plastic surgeon and still can’t look
like you. And look where these looks have taken you. Mr. Cappello told me that
this is your big night and that you have a lot of nominations, he seemed really
happy about it. He wasn’t shy in letting us know how happy he was that you are
working for him, he seems to really like you. Count your lucky stars, Miss
Jezebel, you are thee it girl of the moment.”
I looked at the young, clearly gay, cute white guy who had walked over to
me and was touching up my hair. He had done a banging job on it by the way.
My hair was full and with big blonde curls that draped my shoulders, I looked
like a sun-kissed Puerto Rican Barbie
“Can you get that, please Ebony?”
Ebony had her hair and make-up done before mine at my request. I wanted
time to really soak in the tub and relax.
“Damn, Jazzy, I ain’t sitting next to your ass tonight, you’re gonna make me
look bad,” DeeDee said as she walked over to me and air kissed me.
“You have some nerve to talk looking like someone’s runway model.”
She had on a silver shimmery dress that was cut short…really short. It
hugged every inch of her perfect body and she looked good as hell in it.
“Damn, baby, you’re serving that ass on a platter,” DeeDee said to Ebony as
she reached around and patted her ass. I watched as Ebony smiled proudly and
gave DeeDee a quick peck on the lips.
 “Hey now, let’s not start that shit so early tonight, girls, I don’t want to have
you two on my mind while at the show,” Mr. Cappello said as he walked into the
suite and slide between his two bedroom companions. He wrapped his arms
around both of their waists and gave each of them a squeeze on the ass.
“Holy shit, I think that I’ve got the best looking group of ladies at Fantasy
Pictures right here in this room. A man could die and go to heaven looking at
you three girls.”
Bobby, as DeeDee liked to call him, was full of compliments. The best part
about them was that he really meant them.
“I’ll get that,” Mr. Cappello said as the bell rang again. Once the door was
open, two men with brief cases hand-cuffed to each wrist came walking in with a
white lady in front of them. They followed Mr. Cappello to the bar area before
opening what turned out to be treasure cases.
“Okay ladies, here is one of my last surprises for the night. Ebony, you’re up
first,”
Mr. Cappello said as our mouths salivated over the sparking jewels. DeeDee
and I watched as he clipped on a two caret diamond bracelet on Ebony’s wrist.
Followed by a two 2 ½ caret diamond invisible necklace.
“This is a gift, thanking you for choosing Fantasy Pictures, and for…well
you know,” Mr. Cappello said while laughing and kissed her lightly on the lips.
“Okay Jazzy, it’s your turn.”
I got up slowly and thankful. I took off the jewelry I had on and walked over
to the bar.
“As for you, she will give you everything you deserve.”
The lady that had walked in with the two men stepped up and looked me
over. She walked around me and stopped when she was standing eye to eye with
me again. She just looked at me, staring, gazing into my eyes. I was about to
look away when she finally spoke.
“She has a soft soul, let’s drape them on her, layering will be the key.”
One by one she layered four platinum and diamond thin chains of different
lengths around my neck. Then she picked up a pair of three caret stud earrings
and put them on for me.
“Your name is Jasmine, right?”
The woman, whose face once seemed ice cold, now seemed warm and
welcoming.
“Yes it is, how do you know that?”
She smiled and reached into one of the brief cases. “Because someone asked
me to give you this,” she said as she pulled out a ring shaped like a single
Jasmine flower. It was covered with white and purple diamonds and looked like
it cost a whole hell of a lot of money.
“Oh, my god, Mr. Cappello this is too much, I can’t accept this.”
He laughed and walked over to me.
“That’s another thing I like about you Jazzy, you’re clearly not out to use
people, but, this you must accept. I thought that it was a bit much too but I said
what the hell, it’s not my money.”
We all laughed at his joke and everyone in the room, including me, went
back to admiring the ring.
“Okay, DeeDee come on up here, I know you’re about to burst waiting for
your turn.”
DeeDee walked so fast that she stepped on the men that came in with the
jewelry. We all laughed and waited to see what massive gift her Bobby had for
her.
“Now this isn’t much, but it’s just right for you.”
When Mr. Cappello opened the ring box we all gasped. In it sat a four caret
diamond ring.
“What the hell is this, did you finally leave that bitch?” DeeDee asked as she
took the ring and slid it on her finger.
“Are you asking me to marry you, Bobby, is this what this is?”
We all waited for the answer, but as I read Mr. Cappello’s face, I knew it
was just a placeholder ring. It would be there for her when he was with his wife.
“There you go again jumping to the end without knowing what the beginning
is.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and buttered her up.
“This ring is to let you know that I do want and will marry you, just not now.
I love you DeeDee, and she can’t take that from you. This is a promise ring, a
sort of engagement ring. You will be my wife DeeDee, just be patient.”
Right then and there I knew where Breeze got his bullshit from, but she fell
for it hook, line, and sinker. We walked out of my suite with over five million
dollars’ worth of jewelry on. DeeDee and I with a big lump sum of it on our
fingers.

*****
 I sat there fascinated with everything and everyone that I saw. I laughed at
some of the high or drunk men and women who were out of control. I fantasized
about the sexy men of all races who I knew were packing in the pants. And I
cheered on the actors that I knew deserved the accolades. I was having a pretty
good time all the while wondering about Lust. Where was he, and why hadn’t I
seen him yet?
“Our next category is best female new cummer. These ladies may be new to
the scene but when they cum, they cum just as well as the best of us.”
Okay, now I was really paying attention. My hands clammed up as I held
Jamar’s hand. I tried desperately to stop my legs from quivering and held my
breath.
“And the winner is…Jezebel, representing Fantasy Pictures.”
Oh, shit did they just say my name? I think they did, did they, yes, they did,
that’s me. Mr. Cappello stood up and took my hand. He kissed it and moved to
the side so that I could walk to the stage. With every step taken, I prayed that I
didn’t fall. I didn’t want that memory to stick when I thought about winning my
first award. The cheers got louder the closer as I got to the stage. I felt so loved
while up there. Jamar was by far my biggest supporter in that room. His face
gave me comfort.
“Wow, I really didn’t see this coming but I’m sure glad “I” did.”
My little joke got plenty of laughter and that helped put me at ease. I went on
and did my thank-you’s, leaving Breeze’s name out on purpose, but I did thank
his dad.
I exited stage right and handed the stage award to the lady that led me off of
the stage. I went back and took my seat with well-wishers along the way.
As the show went on I started to get nervous for Jamar. He didn’t win a
couple of the awards that he was nominated for and I knew that it had to hurt.
But it didn’t take too long for his name to be mentioned as a winner. He grabbed
an award for the film he did with Domingo and I was so happy for him. After we
took a quick intermission and gossip quickie, we all took out seats for the rest of
the show. I grabbed another award for best female lead but was kind of down
once I realized that Lust was a no show. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for the
night I was having so I didn’t let it show. I smiled and laughed at the right time
and played the un-fazed game.
“Our next nomination is for the chocolate men and women who turned us on
the most. They made us all want to be down with the brown.”
 I damn near fell out of my chair with laughter watching Tanya. She and a
sexy brother were on stage announcing the nominees and boy was I tickled pink.
The irony of her having to announce a category that I was nominated for gave
me such pleasure.
“And the winner for hottest ebony duo is…Jezebel and Lust for Lusting for
Jazz, of Fantasy Pictures.”
I had closed my eyes as the winner was read and was once again shocked
when I heard my name. I got up, pulled down my rising dress, and headed for
the stage. I was half way there before I saw him. He was on the other side of the
room and heading to the stage. I wanted to stop walking but I knew that I
couldn’t. He got to the steps that led to the stage before me and waited. I thought
that my legs were about to give out but he took my hand just in time to catch me.
My eyes went from his fingertips, up his arm, slid up his chest, and landed on his
face. My god that man looked good, he made me wet right then and there. We
went up on stage and he never let my hand go. I can’t remember what we said to
this day because I let him do most of the talking, and even then, I was zoned out.
I watched his lips but didn’t hear anything that came out of them. After he
spoke, I said thank you to a few people before we left the stage hand in hand. As
soon as we were back stage, he swung me around and wrapped his arms around
me tightly. It felt like tears were welling up in my eyes but I held them back.
“I have been dying to see you all day but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
Damn Jasmine, I have missed you so much.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to run the chance of this being a dream,
maybe if I spoke, it would force me to open my eyes and miss the opportunity to
hear what he would say next.
“What’s the matter Jasmine, aren’t you happy to see me? I see that you’re
wearing the ring I got you. I thought of you as soon as I saw it.”
I looked down at my hand then back at him.
“You got this for me? Mr. Cappello wasn’t joking when he said he didn’t
buy it?”
He smiled at me before kissing the hand the carried the ring, the ring that he
got me, the ring that would now mean the world to me.
“Why would you spend so much, this had to cost a lot of money Lust, why---
?”
He kissed my lips to stop me from talking, and because kissing me had been
on his mind since the last time he got to taste them.
“Look, I know that I’m not balling all out of control like Breeze or his dad
but I’ve made some good investments. I wanted to do this, so money wasn’t
even a thought. I kept looking for something that would mean something and
when I bumped into Bobby, he told me that he was going to see his jeweler. I
tagged along and was so happy I did. The ring caught my eye but when she told
me the ring was shaped after a jasmine flower, I knew I had found your gift.”
I don’t know what words I could use that would make someone understand
how I felt in that moment. I had only felt a fraction of it in my life time and now
I was feeling it full force. My heart and his had taken over my entire body
leaving me…leaving me, touched, fulfilled, and loved. My heart raced and my
mind clouded with the thought of his existence. I looked at him and it felt good
to know that he was the truth, everything about him was real and I welcomed
that. I later found out that my ring had set him back over one hundred and 25
thousand dollars. However, that didn’t matter; it was truly the thought behind the
ring that rocked my world.
“So will I see you after the show?”
It was my turn to kiss his lips and answer him. “I want to see you for a long
as I can.”
We went back and took our seats and I couldn’t wait to tell Jamar what just
went down. Tyree, Jamar and I won three awards for Baby, Bi the Way marking
a perfect end to my first award show. Winning was fun but I had something even
better waiting for me after the show, and I couldn’t get to him fast enough.
 Chapter 16

“Oops, I guess the pussy is out of the bag now.”

After the show there were multiple after parties going on throughout Las
Vegas. We decided to check out the parties that were going on at the clubs the
Ghostbar, Rain, and Moon that were inside the Palms. None of us had been to
them before, and we kept hearing so much about those clubs that we decided to
celebrate our wins there. DeeDee was able to get away from Mr. Cappello, and
Jasmine decided to come along too. We started out at Moon, and it was nice, the
music was okay, but it was a little too mellow. Then, we checked out the
Ghostbar, which was great. It didn’t matter where you looked there were
celebrities throughout the club so it was the place to see and be seen. The view
of the city nightlife was amazing. It didn’t matter if you were inside or out on the
sky deck you could pretty much see most of Las Vegas. I saw Blaze out on the
sky deck so I went out there to congratulate him. He saw me walking toward him
and his face lit up almost as bright as the city.
“What’s up, sexy?”
“Hey you, I saw you out here and wanted to congratulate you on your big
win.”
“Thanks Boo. Sorry if you were looking forward to winning that one.”
“It’s all good, Blaze, you definitely deserved that one.”
“I know.”
We both laughed.
“Look at you, you win one award and you’re already getting cocky.”
“Naw, man, I’m not getting cocky, I’m getting cock.”
“Blaze, you are so crazy. Are you alone?”
“Kind of, why, do you want to be with me tonight?”
“Actually I was going to invite you to join us inside.”
“I think I’ll pass on that one. I saw you were with your man inside so what I
want tonight, I’m sure you can’t and won’t give me.”
“See there you go again, and you’re right I can’t give you that.”
“It’s cool because you see those two fine ass thugs over there?”
I looked over to my right and there were two dark skinned sexy ass dudes
looking our way while they sipped on their drinks. One of them smiled at me and
licked his lips. I smiled back then turned back to Blaze.
“I see ’em, and let me guess, that’s your dick for the night.”
“You mean dicks, sexy. They’re willing and ready whenever I give them the
green light. I’m going to get so high, then turn their asses out so I’m gonna have
to pass up your offer this time.”
“Okay, well I’m going to head back inside. Have fun and be safe.”
“Trust me I will, and, hey, congratulations on your wins too. I’m proud of
us.”
“Aww, thanks, Blaze, I’m proud of us, too.”
I walked back inside and I noticed Jasmine walking over to me with Lust. I
instantly remembered passing him at the warehouse one time hoping he was gay
and praying that I’d get a chance to work with him. That fantasy was crushed
that night once I realized he was straight and only worked with females. He was
cool, funny, and that night in Vegas he fit right in with our little clique. We got
our drink on, and mingled with so many people that we didn’t realize a couple of
hours had passed. Everyone decided that we might as well check out Rain too
before it was too late. It was huge, and as soon as I walked in I must’ve looked
bug-eyed. I had never seen anything like it. It was dim, with spotlights moving
all around in different directions, but most of the light came from the fireballs
that were lit up above the dance floor. There was so many people dancing,
drinking, making out, and partying throughout the club. I had some flashbacks of
MTV’s The Real World Las Vegas, because the club pretty much looked the
same as it did on that show. There were a couple of performances throughout the
night by Nina Sky, Maino, and Waka Flocka Flame. Pauly D from the Jersey
Shore was the DJ for the night so a lot of girls were crowded around him the
entire time flirting with him. He was looking fly too so I checked him out a few
times myself, but he was very professional the whole time concentrating on
spinning, and playing good music. Two hours later everyone was at the bar
either feeling good, or tipsy except for Ebony. She was wasted from drinking too
many free drinks, and was still sipping on something. She kept yelling, “We’re
porn stars, bitches,” which was true, but at that moment, it was somewhat
embarrassing. She kept congratulating us, which was okay, but she was yelling it
out and was too loud. She kept bumping into us, bar stools, and other people,
then giving them dirty looks like it was their fault. At one point she even realized
how drunk she was, but it didn’t slow her down one bit because as she yelled,
“I’m so drunk you guys,” she took another shot of Vodka. She got her nails, hair,
and makeup done at the salon earlier with Jasmine and was looking hot in her
short black shoulder less dress, and cute black high heels, and she knew it so I
guess that’s why she wanted to show off. She loved the attention she received
from the men, and was even flirting back with some of them. You could tell she
was horny and was in need. I saw her exchange numbers with some fine ass
dude with dreads. I think working for Fantasy Pictures made her realize how
much she missed men, and great sex. I turned around to ask the bartender for
another Sex on the Beach, and asked him not to serve Ebony anymore alcohol.
When he asked me to point her out, I turned around and it looked like Ebony
tried to give Tyree a lap dance. He pushed her away then stood up and started
yelling at her.
“What the fuck are you doing? You’re embarrassing me, but most
importantly you’re embarrassing yourself. You look a hot mess. I think you need
to go to your room and lie down. No good is going to come out of this night if
you continue to drink.”
As he finished yelling he grabbed the drink out of her hand and slammed it
on the bar so hard that the glass shattered. Everyone nearby was looking at Tyree
with the shocked face, because none of us had ever heard him yell at someone
like that before, especially a friend. Ebony stared at him shit faced and stayed
quiet. She looked like she wanted to say something smart, but she must’ve
thought about what he said before she slurred, “You’re right. Good night y’all.
Nice meeting you Lust. I hope to work with you soon.” She said as she rubbed
her hand slowly across his chest, and started walking out the club. He looked
embarrassed, but flattered and just smiled. DeeDee decided to help Ebony to the
suite. Lust, Jasmine, and I decided to dance and have some more drinks. Tyree
still looked pissed and didn’t feel like dancing so he just stayed at the bar.
Jasmine and Lust were getting down on the dance floor. I’m not going to lie I
felt lonely dancing by myself, but it was hot watching them. A little while later I
noticed Tyree was gone. I didn’t think anything of it, because I figured he went
to the bathroom, or stepped out for a minute. Once we were tired of dancing
Jasmine looked at Lust and I and smiled before saying, “I’m having a blast with
you guys, but I can’t believe we’re leaving tomorrow. I don’t want to leave so
soon, I’m having too much fun.” She stopped and paused for a second. “Oh, shit
I just realized I haven’t gambled yet. Who comes to Vegas and doesn’t try their
luck? I have to at least try, and I’m going to be too busy tomorrow. Do you guys
want to go with me now, or do you still want to party some more?” she asked.
“Hey, I’m down.” I replied.
“Whatever you want to do is fine with me,” Lust replied. He was such a
gentleman.
I took Jasmine aside and asked her did she really want me to go, or did she
want some one-on-one time with Lust.
“No, I want you to come too. You said you won a lot of money yesterday, so
you can show me what to do, and hopefully bring me some luck. Do you mind
walking back to my room with me? I want to change out of this dress, and get
my purse.”
“Sure, let’s go.”
Jasmine hugged Lust and asked him to walk with us to her suite, which he
did. It seemed like he was walking a step or two behind us on purpose so he
could check out Jasmine’s ass as she strutted down the hallway. As we rode the
elevator up to our floor I noticed her and Lust staring at each other smiling hard,
which for some reason made me smile. If I didn’t know better I would’ve
thought they were a couple. As we entered Jasmine’s suite we heard Ebony
yelling out as if she was in pain. It sounded like she was being raped. I knew
DeeDee wouldn’t take advantage of her like that so I was confused. All I wanted
to know was what the hell was going on? We ran to the bedroom and before we
could enter the door I heard Tyree yelling.
“What the fuck did I tell you about being so hot and bold, bitch? I told you I
didn’t want Jamar to find out about us, but you just had to get drunk and show
the fuck off. If you ever do that shit again I’m gonna fucking kill you, you hear
me, bitch?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Tyree sounded like someone I didn’t even know,
so I had to see what was going on. Jasmine moved her hand off the bedroom
doorknob as if she didn’t want to be the one to open it, so I stepped up and did
the honors. Tyree was so busy banging out Ebony from the back while pulling
her hair to the point that Ebony was damn near looking up at the ceiling that
neither one of them heard or noticed we walked in. Jasmine and Lust were
standing behind me. I was so in shock that I turned around to see if they were
seeing what I was seeing. Jasmine looked as shocked as I did, but Lust had a
smirk on his face that looked like he was being turned on. He obviously didn’t
realize the betrayal that was happening right in front of us. I looked back at
Tyree and Ebony and felt so many emotions at once that I felt like I was having
a panic attack. Tyree kept pounding her out, while I just froze up. I couldn’t
move, and I couldn’t speak because I was honestly lost for words. I didn’t know
what to do. Finally, Jasmine slammed the bedroom door shut so they would
realize we were standing there. Tyree turned around first and the look on his face
was priceless. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. His eyes were big, and his
mouth was wide opened. What killed me even more was he stopped fucking, let
go of Ebony’s hair, but he didn’t pull out. He knew he was caught, and couldn’t
deny what was happening at that moment. I remember looking at him as if he
was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen. Ebony finally turned around.
“Why’d you sto---oh, shit, Jamar.”
She might’ve been drunk out of her mind but she realized she was caught.
“Oops, I guess the pussy is out of the bag now,” she said then chuckled to
herself.
No one was laughing, especially not me. She was lucky I’m not a female
because I wanted to charge her, beat the shit out of her, and then choke her ass
’til she passed out, but all I could do was envision it in my head.
“So you think this shit is funny, bitch?” I asked.
She rolled her eyes before replying. “Hey, it is what it is.”
I couldn’t believe she was acting so nonchalant about it. I figured she
would’ve cried, or at least apologized.
“Ebony, how could you do this to me? You wanted to come out to L.A. but
had nowhere to live so I let you stay at my place, I paid your bills after you got
fired, and on top of it helped you get back on your feet. You repay me by
fucking my man. That’s some trifling ass shit. You’re supposed to be my best
friend, but now I know you’re just fake, and flat out no good.”
“Look, Jamar I don’t know what you want me to say. You think you’re
“Krave”, but I have what your man really craves, and that’s PUSSY! So don’t be
mad at me because I got that REAL wet-wet. You need to be mad at your man,
not me.”
“Oh, trust me, I am and I’ll get to him, but I gotta say when you told me I
should be careful who I trust, you should’ve been referring to your damn self.”
Ebony rolled her eyes again as she sucked her teeth. Then, she made sure she
looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I was.”
I snapped and couldn’t stop what happened next. I grabbed the first thing I
could reach, which was a really nice glass ashtray that still had a half blunt in it,
and threw it as hard as I could directly at her face. She screamed as she jumped
to the right side of the king sized bed. The ashtray just missed her before hitting
the headboard and shattering all over the bed.
“OH, SHIT!” Lust yelled.
I looked for something else, but as I grabbed the lamp Tyree jumped off the
bed butt naked and grabbed me. Even after our HIV scare, that asshole didn’t
even have the decency to use a condom.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You could’ve killed her. Put the lamp
down baby.”
“I don’t give a fuck. That bitch needs her ass beat, and don’t fucking touch
me, or call me baby ever again.”
I got out of Tyree’s grip, and I don’t know if the anger inside of me took
over or what, but I felt like I wasn’t controlling my body. I was possessed with
hate. I swung and hit Tyree in the face as hard I could with my right fist, and
then followed it up with a left hook. I hit him one last time right in the center of
his face. The force made him step back, and he looked shocked, even more so
than us catching him fucking Ebony. He stopped, put his hand up to his mouth
and realized he was bleeding. He only paused for a second, before shoving me to
the floor with all his might. He started to lean over me to hit me, but Jasmine ran
over and grabbed him.
“Hold up Ty—.”
Before she could say anything else Tyree shoved her off of him and into the
wall. The force was so strong that all you heard was a loud thump sound. Now
Jasmine looked shocked. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell she wanted to
fuck Tyree up. I wish she had so we could’ve jumped his sorry ass.
“Whoa! Hold up man. You need to calm down. There’s no need to put your
hands on her.” Lust said as he grabbed Tyree and stood in front of him.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry Jasmine. I swear I didn’t mean to do that. I just
felt someone grab me and my instincts took over.”
I love Jasmine but that hurt, he was more apologetic for pushing her then he
was for cheating on me. Jasmine didn’t say anything she just shook her head. I
stood up and made sure she was okay. She was fine so I addressed Tyree.
“I can’t believe you fucked Ebony. Why would you do that?”
Tyree didn’t reply. He put his head down.
“Do you want us to go?” Jasmine asked.
“No, you’re here and this is your suite so I want you to hear this,” I replied.
“So how long have you been fucking that bitch?” I asked as I stepped toward
Tyree.
 Jasmine put her hand on my shoulder to try and stop me from hitting him
again.
“It’s cool. I’m not going to hit him. I just want him to look at me. Tyree,
seriously, how long have you and Ebony been fucking?”
He looked up as if he was frustrated. He face was swollen, and he had a fat
bloody lip.
“Man, pretty much since I moved in.”
“Wow, that’s fucked up. This whole time I’ve loved you, and trusted you.
Here I am thinking you love me too, but you’re just as fake and trifling as she
is.”
“Jamar, it’s not like that.”
“Then, how is it? Flatter me.”
“Look I never meant to lie or hurt you. It honestly just happened one night
after we were smoking and drinking.”
“Why couldn’t you think about us, and stop yourself?”
“I missed being with a female. I missed pussy, and here I was living with a
nice looking young chick. Not only did she turn me on, but she’d walked around
damn near naked whenever you weren’t home. Before I knew it I couldn’t stop
fantasizing about her. You fell asleep early one night, she was drunk, I was
drunk, and she started dancing. The next thing I know she’s giving me a lap
dance, grinding all over my dick, and then well without even saying anything we
just fucked.”
“So you’re just going to put this all on me, huh?” Ebony asked.
“Shut the fuck up, bitch. You know what I’m saying is real talk,” Tyree
yelled.
She sucked her teeth before saying, “Whatever!”
I looked at her like she was crazy, then I looked back at Tyree. “I can’t stand
your ass right now. Why couldn’t you just come to me the next day so we
could’ve worked it out?”
“I wanted to, but it would’ve been weird and awkward for everyone.”
“So fucking her all the time behind my back while pretending you’re just
friends wasn’t weird and awkward?”
“Jamar, to be honest at first it was, but then it became a thrill and a turn on.
You don’t like pussy so you don’t understand the power it had over me. Ebony
hadn’t been with a man for a while so fucking her felt so good that I can’t
explain it in words. I would go to the studio, have sex with men, and while it was
good it wasn’t as satisfying as it was fucking her.”
 “Just tell him you want to be with a woman, with me, instead of him, Tyree.
Just be honest,” Ebony slurred.
“Bitch, I told you to shut the fuck up,” Tyree said as he charged her and then
grabbed her throat.
“What the fuck are you doing, Ty, you’re choking her.” Jasmine yelled.
He must’ve realized what he was doing and let go. Ebony ran into the
bathroom, and locked herself inside. Tyree banged on the door telling her she
needed to shut her fucking mouth before she got her ass beat. I walked over to
him, and turned him around so he could look at me again.
“Is that true? Do you want to be with her for real?”
“No, she’s just drunk man. She’s tripping. She’s crazy. I love what we got
going on. I love our life. I love our careers. I love you. I want to be with you. I
don’t love her. I just enjoyed fucking her. Honestly, Jamar, I love you.”
I wanted to believe it but after imaging every time I was asleep, or wasn’t
home he was with her I couldn’t believe anything he said. I was devastated.
“You know what I love you, too, Tyree; but not today and I don’t know if I
will ever again.”
“So what does that mean?” Tyree asked.
“That means that I can’t be with you anymore and both of you need to find a
place to live when you two get back to L.A.”
I turned around to head toward my suite to pack up my stuff. My entire trip
was ruined, so I just wanted to go home.
“Enjoy the rest of your trip Jasmine, I’m outta here.”
I walked out the suite and got half way down the hall before Jasmine came
running toward me.
“Hold up Jamar!”
I stopped then turned around to face her as tears ran down my face. I could
no longer hide how much I was hurt. Jasmine looked as if she was about to cry
as she hugged me, and said she was sorry that happened to me. I told her it
would be okay, even though I felt it wouldn’t be. I just needed to leave Vegas
before I snapped again and really hurt somebody.
“Jamar, if you want me to, or need me to, I’ll go pack my stuff right now and
fly back home with you.”
“Thanks, Jasmine, that’s nice of you, but I’ll be okay. Don’t let those trifling
hoes ruin your experience too.”
We were both quiet as I noticed Lust waiting down the hall. I gave her
another hug and whispered, “Besides that sexy ass man behind you is waiting, so
like I said before stay and enjoy the rest of your time here.”
She turned around and looked at Lust, and then turned back around with a
big smile on her face.
“Okay, Jamar, but as soon as I get back I’m coming to see you.”
I smiled at her and went to my suite to pack up my stuff. Afterwards, I
walked out of the Palms not only feeling cheated on, sad, frustrated, angry, but I
also felt cheated out of my experience. I had fun, especially winning those
awards, but all of that was over shadowed by my best friend fucking my man. I
didn’t know who I should be more upset with, Ebony for knowing how much I
loved Tyree, or at Tyree for not only cheating on me, but for fucking my best
friend who lives under the same roof as we do. I caught a cab to the airport, and
the whole way there, the entire flight back to L.A., and the cab ride home from
LAX, all I could think about was how many times they’ve fucked in my home,
and how stupid I was for not seeing the signs. The more I thought about it the
angrier I got. I knew it was going to take some time for me to move on, but
before that could happen they would have to move out.
 Chapter 17

“Can’t stand yourself, huh?”

As soon as the show was over, it was PARTY TIME! I had won six awards
and was the happiest I had been in a while. I was successful, had friends by my
side, and a sexy ass man who wanted me just as badly as I wanted him, things
couldn’t get any better.
“Come on and go to the bathroom with me, girl, we got shit to talk about,”
DeeDee said as she pulled on my arm. She and the rest of the crew looked like
they couldn’t wait to get the dirt on Lust. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and left
him standing with Mr. Cappello.
“Damn, Jazzy, when did you and Lust get so cozy?” Jamar asked as he
waited for the juice.
I ran down the short version of my history with Lust, making sure to keep in
the key points. I ended our tale by showing them the ring.
“He got you this ring?”
Jamar couldn’t contain his excitement, which caused his voice to get louder
toward the end of his question.
“Keep your voice down J, but yes, isn’t he sweet?”
I peeped out of the bathroom to make sure that my baby was still out there. I
still wasn’t over the fact that my whole night wasn’t a dream. Looking at him
reminded me of everything I liked in him.
“Damn, he’s fine as hell,” I said out loud but really to myself.
“Girl, yes he is,” Jamar chimed in.
“Wait, Bobby wasn’t the one who got that ring for you, so he wasn’t joking,
huh?”
Ebony asked as she picked up my right hand and gave the ring a once over…
again.
“Well, damn girl, that nigga’s got taste. This really is your day, Jazzy, enjoy;
‘cause I sure as hell would have, especially him.”
Ebony was smiling, and it looked like a real one this time.
We left the bathroom after freshening up and headed back out to the lobby.
Mr. Cappello told DeeDee that he would be flying back to L.A. that same night
but that she should stay and enjoy herself for a few more days. Before walking
away, he pulled me to the side to tell me how proud he was of me and that a very
good friend of his would be contacting me here in Vegas for an appearance. I
thanked him for both his approval and recommendation. With his goodbye, we
headed to Moon to party the night away.
We all slid into a booth and the drinks started to pour. It was cool and
mellow but we were in the mood to party, not chill, so we left and set out to find
The Ghost bar. Once there, we were all feeling the vibe. This was the place to be
if you wanted to party. We all went over to the bar and put in our orders. Ebony
seemed to be drinking heavily and for some reason, I just knew that it wasn’t
going to be good for her. The night had only just begun yet she already had a
huge buzz going on.
“Hey, how are you, I’m Ebony. You are one sexy motherfucka,” she said, as
she held her hand out to Lust. I smiled as Lust shook her hand. He looked like he
wanted to back away from her closeness but out of kindness, let her lean on him.
“Nice to meet you, Ebony, you’re feeling nice already, huh?”
She smiled, held up her drink to show him that he was right, and then drank
it all down. She slammed her glass on the bar and while she called the bartender
over for another round, I grabbed Lust’s arm and pulled him away. I didn’t want
to dance yet but I sure as hell wanted to get away from her.
“Hey Blaze, congrats on your win.”
Jamar was standing to the side talking to who I liked to call his fuck-boo. I
called out his name, letting Jamar know that I peeped his game.
“Yeah, it’s about time a nigga got some recognition, but hey, you’re the
queen of the night. Six wins and counting, I know old Bobby probably jumped
for joy over that shit.”
“Yeah, he seemed happy about it, so, you two good?” I asked while nudging
Jamar on the side. Although he liked to deny it, I had always picked up the vibe
that simmered between him and Blaze. They may have fucked each other for pay
and play in the past, but clearly it wasn’t enough.
“Well, I’m gonna head out to the dance floor, you two have fun.”
Again I took Lust’s hand and let the sound wave be my guide. We hit the
crowded dance floor and had a ball. Within minutes, we were joined by
everyone else. Hours would pass without anyone’s knowledge.
“Are you all still trying to hit up Rain tonight?”
DeeDee looked like she was still in party mode so we all decided to go and
check out Rain. We had only been there for less than an hour and Ebony was
becoming unbearable.
“Girl, I am getting tired of Ebony’s ass; she can’t hold her liquor for shit.”
I had taken a bathroom break with DeeDee and Jamar to clean up the mess
all of the dancing left behind.
“I keep trying to tell her ass to slow down but she’s claiming that tonight is
her night and she’ll party if she wants to. I just left her alone about it ‘cause I
know she’ll regret that shit in the morning.”
I had stayed as far from Ebony as possible since we left the Ghost bar, she
was working my last nerve yelling like she had no sense. I was having too much
of a good time to let her ruin my time with Lust. Plus she was really Jamar and
DeeDee’s friends, so I was going to let them deal with her ass.
“I’m gonna go and talk to the bartender and ask him not to serve her
anymore alcohol,”
Jamar said as we headed back out to the club area. As he spoke to the
bartender, I ordered Lust and I another bottle of Dom Perignon. As I turned
around to head back to the table, the shit hit the fan between Tyree and Ebony. I
looked over at Jamar to see if he was catching the drunken exchange and he was.
We walked over in time to catch the end of it. Tyree grabbed the glass out of her
hand and slammed it on the table causing it to shatter. All eyes were on them as
we waited to see what Ebony’s next move would be. I was expecting her to go
off on Tyree but instead she just said goodnight. I looked around and took a
mental note of what everybody’s face looked like. I just wish that I could have
seen my own as DeeDee helped Ebony back to her room.
The crazy outburst could have put a major damper on our little party but I
wasn’t having it. I bugged Jamar and Lust until they slung back their drinks and
made sure that we headed back out to the dance floor to live up our night. Tyree
was a lost cause. He was still steaming and headed for the bar. I said “fuck it”
about him. If Tyree wanted to be a party-pooper, well I wasn’t going anywhere
near him. The three of us danced until we were about to pass out. I was about to
call it a night before realizing that I hadn’t gone gambling yet.
“Who comes to Vegas and doesn’t try their luck, I have to at least try?”
After a short conversation with Jamar, we were heading up to my room for a
quick change and so that I could grab my purse. On our way there, Lust and I
sent each other telepathic messages with our eyes and all was understood.

*****

I just knew that my eyes were deceiving me. There was no way I was
watching Ebony and Tyree go at it. What the fuck were they thinking? I looked
around the room and took in everyone’s reactions. Lust had a weird look on his
face that I couldn’t decipher and Jamar’s face was demented. He looked like his
heart had gone black and died. When I turned back to the betrayers, they were so
deep into their deception that they never noticed us standing there. I took a
couple of steps back and inched my way to the door. I grabbed the knob and
pulled it shut hard. I prayed that the noise would stop the two heathens from
dancing the Devil’s waltz. When they did turn around I almost wanted to laugh.
They looked like they were about to shit on themselves, well Tyree more than
Ebony. I walked over to Lust and leaned into him. I got comfortable and waited
for the shit storm that was sure to hit this room.
“You think you’re “Krave”, but I have what your man really craves, and
that’s PUSSY! So don’t be mad at me because I got that REAL wet-wet.”
I squeezed Lust’s hand so hard that he wrapped his left arm around my waist
to calm me down. I couldn’t believe that Ebony had just said those words to
Jamar. “But I have what your man really craves?” is she fucking crazy? I felt
like fucking that bitch up myself.
“When you told me I should be carefully with whom I trust, you should’ve
been referring to your damn self,” Jamar said with rage filled eyes. This shit was
like watching a Spanish telenovelas, and when Ebony hit the “I was” my blood
was boiling. Jamar looked like he was searching for something to throw at the
bitch and I prayed he found it soon. When he decided on his weapon of choice,
he flung it at her head with me cheering him on, on the inside. I wanted the
ashtray to split her wig, and as I waited for my dream to come true, the bitch
moved just in time for it to miss her. I tried to pull away from Lust so that I
could try my hand at throwing something but he pulled me back, DAMN! But it
was as if Jamar had read my mind. He headed for the lamp and I knew that one
wasn’t going to miss her, but there was interference this time by Tyree. He took
the lamp out of Jamar’s hand and tried to hold on to him while spiting bullshit
about how Jamar could have killed Ebony. How dare he care about that bitch. I
tell you this much, if he did kill her, I would have stayed in that room all night
trying to help him come up with a lie that would spare him from jail time.
I wanted to jump for joy when I saw blood trickling from Tyree’s mouth.
The blows that Jamar landed made an impact and that sent Tyree over the edge.
He pushed his lover to the ground and stood over him ready to strike a blow. I
escaped Lust’s grip and jumped on Tyree. In my mind, he had no right to fight
back. He was the one caught with his bare dick in Ebony.
“Hold up Ty—.”
That’s all I got out before he went all Supermen on me. He flung my little
ass into the wall hard as hell. I grabbed my head to try and stop the hurt from the
thump I endured while Lust came to my rescue by grabbing Tyree and putting
him in his place.
“Whoa! Hold up man. You need to calm down. There’s no need to put your
hands on her.”
Tyree tried to apologize but he was lower than dirt in my eyes now. As
Jamar asked and waited for answers that would help him understand the
unbelievable. I asked if he wanted Lust and I to leave. This was embarrassing
enough without having Lust and I intruding any more than we already did. He
said no and got right back in Tyree’s face. I put my hand on his shoulder hoping
that this would have a calming effect on him. They went back and forth with
Ebony adding her unwanted two cents in. Standing there was torture, my heart
ached for Jamar and my temper flared when I thought of the other two. I had
really hoped that Jamar would tell us to leave but since he didn’t, we were stuck
being witnesses to his heartbreak.
“That means that I can’t be with you anymore and both of you need to find a
place to live when you two get back to L.A.”
Jamar had finally said what I was waiting to hear. Both of them needed to
fucking leave his house PRONTO! They were two trifling motherfuckers. He
walked out of the room and I went after him. I knew that this was a bitter ass pill
to swallow and wanted to offer him my support. I almost lost it when he turned
around. Tears streamed down his face like heavy raindrops. Although seeing
Lust again had only come second to my winnings that night, I was prepared to
walk away from him and console Jamar.
“Jamar if you want me to, or need me to, I’ll go get my stuff right now and
fly back to L.A. with you.”
I held my breath and waited. It would have been tuff but I was ready to go
back to L.A. with him.
 “Don’t let those trifling hoes ruin your experience too, besides, that sexy ass
man behind you is waiting.”
I turned around and looked at Lust who was leaning against the wall. It felt
so good just knowing that he was there with me. I had missed him terribly. I
couldn’t wait to unload and get some alone time with him.
“Okay, Jamar, but as soon as I get back I’m coming to see you.”

*****

“Can you believe that shit, I did not see that one coming?” I asked Lust as
we sat at the bar. My mind was spinning as I thought about the events of the
night.
“So, you mean to tell me that Ebony is Jamar’s best friend? Wow, that’s
some messed up shit. Why would she do something like that to him? He seems
like a really cool cat.”
“He is sweet as pie and he’s been so helpful to that bitch. He even pulled
some strings to get her into Fantasy, and this is how she repays him. Ugh, don’t
even get me started. I feel like killing that bitch.”
Lust smiled and rubbed my back. It turned him on to see me so heated.
“Well, I hope Jamar is okay. I don’t even want to know how he’s feeling
right now.”
As Lust and I went back and forth about the situation, DeeDee and Mr.
Cappello came walking up.
“Damn Jazzy who the hell died, you look like you lost your puppy or
something.”
I slung back my cocktail and hopped off of the barstool. I pulled DeeDee to
the side and gave her the lowdown.
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, SHE WAS FUCKING TYREE THE
WHOLE TIME? BOBBY, COME HERE, YOU’VE GOT TO HEAR THIS
SHIT!” she yelled in disbelief. I watched Mr. Cappello’s reaction as he learned
the news of his suspected bedmate and it wasn’t pretty. He looked like someone
had turned the heat in the bar on high. His face was a red as a beet.
“So where’s Jamar? At least tell me that he’s up there beating both of their
asses?”
“No, he should be on his way back to L.A. I just feel so bad for him. Finding
out the way he did was like a kick in the gut,” I said as I waved the bartender
back over.
“Let me have eight rounds of Patron, two for each of us.”
I was already half past drunk and the shots took me even further into the
place called FUCKED UP.
“Well, I’m going to put this bullshit on the backburner and tell you the good
news that I just got. Because you are the big winner of the night, I was able to
get my good friend at the Black Oasis to feature you tomorrow night.”
DeeDee and Lust seemed to be beaming with light, but I was still lost.
“What is the Black Oasis?”
“Girl, you don’t know shit. Remember that strip club we walked by on our
way to the amusement park?”
“The one that you told me was in the movie about the strippers who were
also assassins, oh, my god. They want me to perform there, that’s like really big,
right?”
“Hell yes that’s big, baby, it’s “Thee” biggest strip club in Vegas. Only the
big acts perform there,” Lust said with pride and joy.
“If they want you that means “you’re it,” Jazzy. Trust me I was the feature
three years ago. They are going to treat you like royalty. No one does it better
than them. After you do this, you won’t have to do porn if you don’t want to.
You will be able to work any club and strip for big money.”
“Don’t go telling her that shit, Dee, she our big money maker. We wouldn’t
want to lose her to doing shows in Vegas.” Mr. Cappello said with a grin. He
may have been smiling, but we all knew that he would have hated losing me
while I was at the top of my game.
“Nonetheless, you are going make a big impact in this crazy world of porn.
Hell, you already have. Here’s to you, don’t let us down tomorrow night. I’ll be
calling Gina for a full report,” Mr. Cappello said as he held up his shot glass.
“You guys won’t be there?” I asked DeeDee and her man.
“We have to get back to work, my dear. But I have arranged for you to stay
three more days. Depending on how well you do Gina may ask you to do a
second night. Now you don’t have to do it but feel things out. If you like it the
first time around, I say go for it. You may bring out the hard core fans that
second night that didn’t hear about your first time around. As far as the third
day, well you and Lust just take that time to get reacquainted.”
They stayed and got me all pumped up for another 20 minutes or so before
they left. They had an early flight in the morning and retreated to the high priced
suite for much needed rest. I couldn’t believe how cool Mr. Cappello was about
me being with Lust right in his face. Hell, he damn near encouraged it. It made
me wonder if he was trying to get me away from his son or his son away from
me.

*****

Lust and I returned to an empty suite that had somehow been cleaned up.
There was no sign of the train wreck that had taken place in the suite less than
two hours before and I was thankful that it not only was clean but that Ebony
seemed to have packed her things and was gone.
“Can you believe they want me, little old me?” I asked, as I lay beside Lust
on my heart-shaped bed.
“Of course I can. You’re Jezebel, the new cummer of the year.” He joked as
he ran his hands up my thigh. I had over done it on the drinks and he half way
had to carry me to my room.
“I would have never thought that fucking on film would have taken me all
the way here, do you know what I mean? My name will be on a big marquee
tomorrow night and people will leave their homes just to come see me. That is
fucking crazy,” I said as I looked up into the ceiling mirror. Big things were
happening to me, but inside I still felt like the same wide eyed girl who went to
L.A. to become a star. I still felt like the plain normal person I had always been.
I still needed to see myself as a rising porn star that was starting to get
recognized for her ability to fuck on film…well. Lust noticed my change of
mood and knew that it could have gone south at any moment. The highs of our
profession were short. You may have felt like you were on top of the world for a
long minute but for some, when the reality of remembering that it was all
because of porn set in, the high quickly became a low. So my sweet and
thoughtful distant lover got my mind off of the issue at hand.
“How about I get a preview of what you’re going to dish out tomorrow night.
Maybe I can give you some pointers,” he joked, but all in all seriousness, he had
missed me sexually too. He would have killed to see me get on that pole and get
a rise in his pants. He hadn’t known that I had been doing some moonlighting
around L.A.’s top strip clubs so he was in for a surprise. I stood up and while
almost tipping to the side, I managed to slip my dress off. I picked up the remote
and started to dance to the first song that came on as he sat in one of the chairs.
He was surprised as hell when I jumped on the pole and spun around while
doing a split in the air. I stripped for him like a pro.
“Damn, Jasmine, who knew you had these moves under your belt? Think
you’re in the wrong profession,” he joked.
I watched him as he gazed at me. Something was different in the way he
stared at me. At the clubs, the men there looked at you like a piece of meat. You
could read them from a mile away. They were just thinking about doing nasty
things to you. Yes Lust wanted me but it went deeper than just wanting to know
how my insides felt. I stopped dancing and walked over to him. I got on my
knees in front of him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I leaned into him
and rested my head in his lap. He felt so strong, so safe, and so good. He reached
over for the remote and turned the radio off. His hand rested in my hair as I said
the things that had seemed to be suffocating me for the last few months.
“I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. My mind was filled with
thoughts of you and I really didn’t know what to do with them. I didn’t know if I
should hate you or if you hated me for reacting so crazy after getting the
information Breeze gave me. I wasn’t sure if you did ever see me, that you
would even let me explain and—.”
“Jasmine…”
He waited for me to look up at him.
“There hasn’t been a day where I don’t think of you. I—.”
“So why didn’t you come and see me Lust? We work for the same company;
it wouldn’t have been that hard to find me. I just kept asking myself why hasn’t
he been up here, why?”
“To tell you the truth, I didn’t know if you wanted to see me. I didn’t know if
me walking into Fantasy Pictures was going to set you off or if it would fuck up
things between you and Breeze.”
I scrunched up my face and was somewhat disgusted by the mere mention of
Breeze.
“You act like he’s my man or something.”
“Isn’t he?”
His question left me speechless. Did Breeze fit in the spot reserved for “my
man”?
“WELL?”
His question came out a level higher than the last. The thought of that “slimy
motherfucka” as Lust liked to call him, touching me pissed him off. He had
known Breeze for many years and had heard some things about how he got
down when it came to business. The only reason he even dealt with him was
because of the pay and the name he had built for himself through the company.
“NO, he is NOT my man. He, he’s just there.”
That was the best that I could come up with and that didn’t get past Lust. He
knew it was a bullshit answer.
“Well, how can we ever get “HERE” if his occupying that space, you can’t
have the both of us you know?”
“I never said that I wanted the both of you. I know what I want, but my
question is, if he’s available?”
He knew what I was talking about. His marriage from what I had heard was
still in limbo.
He leaned up in the chair and reached in his pocket. He pulled out his stash
of weed and a blunt. This conversation as about to get deep and he needed
something to calm his nerves.
“Want to join me?”
I didn’t answer verbally but took the illegal drug and went to work. Ten
minutes later I was giving the freshly rolled weed the last lick before lighting it.
We did nothing but inhale and exhale for the next 20 minutes or so. My last
inquisition hung in the air with the smoke that escaped out of our lips. With both
of us deep in our own thoughts, the blunt finished with him putting it out only
when it reached “roach” status. When Lust stood up, I had no idea where he was
going but he soon showed me. He took my hand and helped me up. He walked
over to the couch and asked me to join him. I sat next to him, facing him, kind of
afraid of what he was about to say.
“Look, Jasmine, I know that my situation right now is unclear. I wish I had
more to say about it beside that I’m trying to get a divorce. I am not living with
her nor do I still sleep with her. The only thing that has blocked things from
moving faster is my son. She wants to keep him so that she can keep cashing the
hefty checks I supply and I just want my son.”
“You have a son?”
My heart hurt for him. His eyes said it all. He wasn’t lying. I could tell.
There was a pain in his eyes as he spoke about that part of his life, and although
I didn’t have all of the information, I knew that it was probably DRAMA-filled.
As he went more in depth with the ins and outs of his private pain. I wished that
I could have just snapped my fingers and fixed it all but that dream was just that,
a dream. Another 30 minutes had past and I was yet again left speechless and
amazed.
“So is she using your profession against you, can she do that being that she
strips?”
“She can do anything with the high priced lawyer she hired with my money.
But, it’s cool; I don’t give a shit about the money. I just want to make sure that
my son is safe and is not just being left with whatever nigga she’s with at the
moment. That’s the shit that really burns me up. I know some of the dudes that
she be fucking with and they are straight up trash. I’m talking about drug
dealers, pimps, and stick up kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. All she cares
about is money.”
I watched as the hurt in his eyes turned into anger. His hand shook as the
irritation of his place in life got the best of him. I sat quietly as he rolled up
because I really didn’t have much to say. There really was nothing that would
have made him feel better about what he was telling me. So as he lit up again, I
turned the conversation to myself.
“I don’t really know how to explain Breeze and I. I can’t say that I love him
and I can’t say that I even like him all of the time. That’s kind of what I mean
when I say that he’s just there. It’s not all bad with him, there are times when we
are on a high and everything seems to be going okay. I’ve learned to somewhat
read him and go along with his program, but, I, it’s---.”
“What do you mean by go along with his program?” Lust asked as he blew
out a big cloud of smoke. I took the blunt from his waiting fingers and tried to
put my truth to words.
“Breeze likes things his way and when you try to go against what he wants,
he gets sour. It’s just easier to shut up and ride his wave. I just get tired of
fighting with him all of the time. Because I am really alone back in LA, I guess
that having him and his shitty ways is better than being alone. I’ve never really
been good at that. The silence of loneliness drives me crazy.”
“Can’t stand yourself, huh?”
When he asked that it caught me off guard. I tried to think of what he could
have meant by his question as I sucked my green treat.
“I know that it’s a hard question to stomach, but don’t worry. I’ve been
there. Being alone gives you too much time to think. It pushes you to look at
what you have chosen to push aside.”
“Have you ever regretted doing porn, does the thought ever make you sick?”
He got a funny look on his face once I stopped talking, but I could read it.
“This wasn’t my first choice in life but I say fuck it. I’ve done it and I can’t
change that. Even if I quit fucking on film today, what I have already done will
be on film forever.”
He made total sense.
“Do you like what you do; does it make you sick when you think about it?”
I took a deep pull off of the blunt and said, “I choose not to think about it.”
With that he moved on.
“So what do we do now?” he asked. I handed him the weed filled cigar and
reached for the remote.
“Now I dance.”
I moved my body to the music and gave him a lap dance. We put aside all of
our bullshit and decided to act as if none of it existed. The more I danced the
further away it all went, and with our bodies on fire, we headed to the bed to do
what had been on our minds the whole time we were away from each other. He
took off his clothes in record time. After the moments wasted with time apart, all
we wanted to do was fuck the shit out of each other, and we did.
 Chapter 18

“Okay, enough talking about nonsense, I’m ready to

party.”
Once I returned home from Las Vegas it was late into the morning. I didn’t
even bother to unpack. I just dropped my suitcase by the front door and left it
there. I knew I needed to rest, but I had so much anger and adrenaline still
running through my body that I couldn’t sleep. I needed to try and relax. I
walked over to our bookshelves, and lifted up the lid on our African decorated
box that we turned in our blunt and weed spot. Between the three of us we
always made sure there was at least a half ounce in there. I grabbed a blunt, and
more than enough weed and then sit down at the dining room table. After I broke
up the weed fine and small as I could, there was enough for two blunts but I
thought FUCK IT and rolled one fat ass joint. I grabbed the blunt, lighter, and
ashtray and went into the master bathroom. While I filled the tub up with warm
water I lit the three juicy watermelon Yankee candles that I had in there. I
undressed, leaving my brand new fitted suit on the floor wrinkled and messy but
I didn’t care. I stepped in the tub and the water was hotter than I expected to be. I
had to get used to it by slowly easing myself down into the water. Once I was all
the way in up to my neck it felt great and it was just what I needed. I reached
down beside the tub and grabbed the baby blue hand towel that matched the trim
on the walls and dried my hands off. Then I reached down for the blunt and
lighter and blazed up. I felt better, but couldn’t stop replaying the events in
Jasmine’s suite over and over again in my head. The more I thought about it the
more upset I got. I probably should’ve never smoked that morning and just took
my ass to bed because halfway through the blunt I was fucked up. I couldn’t
inhale anymore so I put it out then realized the water was a little too cool for my
taste. I wanted to add more hot water, but when the water started draining out to
make room for more, I thought about Ebony and Tyree and how I should be
putting them out, not the water. I got a high idea and jumped out of the tub, dried
off, put on some Calvin Klein sweat pants, and slipped on my comfortable
Armani sandals. I ran to the garage to see if the boxes Ebony moved in with
were still there. I found them folded up against the rear wall next to a case of
boxes from Lowe’s that she never opened. I took all of them in the house along
with some duct tape. Now all I had to do was decide was whose stuff I wanted to
pack first. I started in the living room and since all of us had stuff in there I
threw Tyree’s belongings in one box and everything that belonged to Ebony in
another. I’m a neat freak so I knew whose books, CD’s, and movies belonged to
whom so it was easy for me to sort through it all. By the time I finished the
living room it looked half empty and sad. I moved on to Ebony’s room and
picked up the pace. I thought about packing up everything nice and neat, but it
hit me again that she didn’t care about me, so why would I handle her stuff with
care? I didn’t bother folding any of her clothes which I was sure would piss her
off, nor did I wrap any of her picture frames or glass objects in newspaper. I just
starting throwing everything and anything in boxes until each one was filled. I
was able to pack up everything except her large items that were too big to fit in
boxes. Next, I got all of Tyree’s clothes, hats, and shoes out of the hallway
closets and threw everything in large black trash bags. Finally, I packed up all of
Tyree’s belongings that was in our bedroom and moved it all out into the living
room. By the time I was finished I noticed the sun had come up, and I was
exhausted. I knew everyone would be flying back into L.A. in a few hours, so I
didn’t want to see them when they got home. I locked my bedroom door then
lied down in bed as I grabbed my BlackBerry off the dresser so I could send
Tyree and Ebony a text message which said “I took the liberty of packing up
your shit. The boxes are labeled with your names on them. The garage bags
belong to Tyree. I’m going to bed now and when I wake up I expect both of your
trifling asses to be moved out of my house.” I turned my phone off and put some
ear plugs in my ears so I wouldn’t hear them when they came in and moved out.
I didn’t want any disturbances and hoped to get a full eight hours of sleep.
Before I knew it I was knocked out.
It was a quarter after three in the afternoon when I woke up. I didn’t hear
anything, but I could smell the weed coming from the living room. I dreaded
going out there but I knew I had to, especially due to the fact that I was starving.
I stalled by brushing my teeth, and washing my face. After I was finished I was
ready to see which liar was still in my house, and had the nerve to be chilling on
top of it. I walked passed Ebony’s room, looked inside, and saw that it was
completely empty which made me smile. Then I saw the big cloud of smoke
floating above Tyree as he sat on the couch with a beer in one hand, and a blunt
in the other. I stopped and stared at him as I thought I KNOW YOU GOT MY
TEXT. When he noticed me he put the blunt in the ashtray, and then jumped up.
“I got your message. I know you don’t want me here, and I know I’m
probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but please don’t say
anything and let me say what I have to say.”
I looked at him like he was crazy but I didn’t say anything, I just waited for
him to continue.
“I am SOOOO sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you. You’re a good person
who didn’t deserve to be lied to, and disrespected like that. I don’t know what I
was thinking cheating on you. I’m telling you man it was the power of the pussy.
I couldn’t help myself. It didn’t help that it was constantly in my face all night
every night. I know I fucked up and it’s my fault so I regret everything now. If I
could go back and change what happened I would, because I know you love me
and you have my back. That’s why I love you and I know it might take you
while to trust me again, but I hope that you can forgive me.”
Again, I wanted to believe him so bad but I put my head down because I
couldn’t even look at him, and I started shaking my head back and forth.
“PLEASE, Jamar don’t leave me. Don’t kick me out. I don’t have anywhere
else to go. I know I can get a hotel room, but this my home and this where I want
to be. I want to be with you forever. PLEASE give me another chance to make it
up to you, and to prove to you that we’re meant to be together.”
By this point he was on his knees begging as the tears constantly flowed
down his face. To this day, I don’t know why I did what I did, but I chuckled as
Lily Allen’s lyrics “at first when I see you cry, it makes me smile, yeah it makes
me smile” played in my head but unlike Lily, after I laughed, I felt so sorry for
him. I actually got down on my knees and hugged him. I didn’t say anything, I
just let him cry and get it out. I knew I was stupid for feeling sorry for Tyree, but
I loved him with all of my heart. I don’t know if it’s because he’s the third man
that I’ve had a serious relationship with, the first boyfriend that I ever lived with,
or if it’s because he was just so damn fine. I stopped hugging him and waited for
him to wipe his tears away before I spoke again.
“Tyree, what you did is killing me inside. I honestly want to beat the shit out
of you right now, but at the same time when I look at you I just want to hug
you.”
 “I know I’m so sorry, baby. I—”
“Hold up! Let me finish saying what I have to say. I let you speak.”
He shut up and nodded.
“Every time I look at the couch I picture you fucking Ebony, to be honest
everywhere I look I picture it. I think about how stupid and naïve I was to not
realize what was going on sooner. You were probably fucking her all the nights
we weren’t. Anyway enough about that, before I say anything else I need to
know if there’s anything else I should know about? Are you done with the lying
and cheating?”
He shook his head up and down before saying, “No, that’s it. I fucked up
with Ebony, but I haven’t lied about anything else, and I can swear on my life it
will never happen again. I love you and I don’t know what I would do without
you. Even though you now know my conscience is still bothering me, and
making me feel bad and guilty about everything. Please forgive me, Jamar.”
“I feel like such a dumbass right now. Anyway, look, Tyree, if I give you
another chance there needs to be some rules in place.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, for one, you can’t lie to me anymore. I don’t care how big or how
small the lie is. You don’t have to lie to me about ANYTHING. Just be honest
and I promise you whatever it is we can work it out as long as you tell me the
truth. Second, you can’t cheat on me again. That’s unacceptable, and I don’t
think I could handle it. Besides you get to sleep with a lot of people at work. If
that’s not enough, and you still feel the need to sleep with other people then you
shouldn’t be in a relationship, period. If you can do that for me then I’d be
willing to forgive and TRY to trust you again.”
“I can live with that because I’m never going to lie to you again, and fucking
Ebony was a huge mistake. I was thinking with my dick and didn’t see the
bigger picture, which is us. Baby, look at me, it will never happen again.” Tyree
said while his eyes were still watery.
“Everyone is going to think I’m stupid and a fool for forgiving you.”
“Who cares what they think. It’s your life, and it’s what you think, and how
you feel that really matters.”
“Okay, cool, but first we need to move.”
“WHAT?”
“I can’t live in this house anymore, like I said before, everywhere I look I see
you and Ebony and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. If you really want
to be with me then prove it. Buy a house with me. There will be a lot more space
for the both of us, I’ll sell this place, and between the two of us we can buy the
house flat out. Oh, and before I forget, since the couch is ruined, you can buy us
new furniture.”
“Fuck it, let’s do it. Hell, I’m already packed.”
We both laughed and then I smiled as I thought I can’t believe I’m doing
this, but it feels right, and I happy again, kind of.”
I didn’t waste any time because the next day I paid a visit to my realtor Tom
Jenson, who found the condo I shared with Ebony and Tyree. I informed him
that I wanted to sell it, and purchase a new home. I could see it on his face, and
hear it in his voice that he was excited because he perked up so fast. That was
without even touching his coffee that was still steaming and sitting on his desk.
Realtors love dealing with people who are ready to buy with cash or pre-
approved loans like myself because they don’t have to work as hard to try and
convince you to buy. That week, Tom showed us 15 houses in L.A. The funny
thing about it was we ended up buying the very first house that he showed us.
One of the reasons being the husband of the family selling it was wearing the
same exact shirt as I was on the day we checked it out. He was 20 some years
older than I was, so the fact that he was into the same clothing designers as us
was surprising. Everyone started laughing and said that it was a sign. I’m a big
believer in Fate, so the fact that we both had on the same shirt might have had a
minor part in choosing that house, but truth be told it was the best one out of all
the houses we visited. It had everything that I was looking for, and it was in our
price range. It was a five-bedroom, four-bathroom single family home. It had a
three-car garage, huge backyard, swimming pool with a connecting hot tub, and
fenced in with a security pad driveway entrance.
Tyree and I were finally settled in our new home so for our first party we
decided to throw a house warming/cookout/pool party all in one. I had a strong
feeling I’d be the one running around preparing everything, and stressing out
while Tyree was high as hell playing video games. He should’ve gotten off his
ass and helped me since the party was for the both of us. I asked him to help me
twice, but I couldn’t make him and I wasn’t going to argue with him about it
because that would’ve been a waste of time. At that point I didn’t have any time
to waste, and I wished I said the party started at 3:00PM instead of 2:00PM. I
just did everything myself and then I still had to get ready. I shaved and then
took the quickest shower that I have ever taken in my life. It was one of those
showers that felt so relaxing that you don’t want to get out of, too. As soon as I
was dry, put some lotion on, and was pulling up my swim trunks I heard the
doorbell ringing. The one time I had hoped everyone would be late, like they
normally were, they were actually on time, go figure. I wanted to be ready and
have everything finished earlier so I could’ve relaxed and smoked before anyone
arrived. Jasmine and DeeDee walked in first both looking sexy in their new
bikinis. It was obvious that they had just left the studio because their hair, nails,
and makeup were on point. I knew right away they weren’t getting in the pool
with me. They looked good though. Unfortunately for the ladies, all of the men
that were coming were gay. Besides the girls, the only friends that we invited
were some of the other gay porn stars who worked with us.
“Heyyy!” DeeDee said as she walked in.
“What’s up, ladies? I’m glad you could make it,” I said with a big smile on
my face.
“Jamar, you know we wouldn’t miss it,” Jasmine said as she smiled back.
“I got one question for you, Jamar. Where’s the alcohol at? I need a drink.”
“There’s some Smirnoff in the fridge, some Coronas and Heinekens in the
coolers out back, and if you want a mixed drink, there’s plenty of bottles to
choose from on the bar. Help yourself, DeeDee.”
“Where’s Tyree?” Jasmine asked as we watched DeeDee head toward the
kitchen.
“He’s in the other room playing the game. Why, do you want me to call him
in here for you?”
“HELL NO, I was just wondering if he was here or in Santa Barbara. It
seems like every time we hang out lately he’s been out of town.”
“Oh, no, he’s here. He wanted to leave but I told him this was our party, and
that he had to be here.”
“That’s good. Well, I’ll let you greet the other guests while I go see what
DeeDee’s fixing.”
I watched as Jasmine walked to the kitchen and noticed how beautiful and
naturally toned her body was. As I turned back around some of the guys were at
the front door. I smiled and welcomed everybody in. Blaze was the last to arrive,
and he brought Karma, the youngest and newest addition to Fantasy Pictures
with him. Blaze called me the night before and asked if it was okay to bring him,
he mentioned he was sexy, funny, and down to Earth. He sounded like someone
I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. Plus, I heard some good things about Karma
around the studio and wanted to put a face to the name so I told Blaze, “Sure,
you can bring him.” He walked in with a big smile on his face showing off his
white teeth and beautiful smile. He was 5’9, slim, green eyes, with smooth light
brown skin, and short black curly hair. He was wearing a fitted blank tank top
with some red swim trunks, and some red and black Nike sandals to match. I
wouldn’t say he’s feminine, but he’s definitely not masculine either. I’d say he
was a pretty boy with a fag swag about him that was hot and likeable.
“What’s up Blaze?”
“Nothing much except I’m ready to get twisted. Sup wit’ you?”
He stood there giving me that all too familiar I-want-to-suck-your-dick-so-
bad stare instead of introducing me to Karma. I avoided his stare by saying,
“Damn, Blaze, you could at least introduce us, rude boy. Hi, I’m—”
“I know who you are, sexy. I’m Karma,” he said, as he shook my hand. I
couldn’t believe he cut me off in my own house. Luckily for him, he threw that
compliment in there; otherwise, we might’ve had a problem. I figured he was
just excited to meet me, and knew me through porn.
“Do you know my real name? I’m asking because I’m only Krave when I’m
working.”
“Like I said I know who you are Jamar. I also know you’re 20 years old, a
Leo, and you’re from Maryland,” he replied sort of in a seduction tone. I just
looked at him and smiled because I was flattered, but at the same time taken
back because it also came off kind of weird as if he was a stalker.
“Do you know what I don’t know?” he asked.
“What?”
“I don’t know Blaze’s real name.”
“That’s makes two of us,” I replied.
We both looked at Blaze awaiting his response but all he said was “Okay,
enough talking about nonsense, I’m ready to party.”
I tried to find out his real name awhile back, and he played it off then too.
I’m assuming a.) He has something to hide, b.) He hates his real name, or c.) He
was like those drug dealers who go by Black, or Slim, because they don’t want
you knowing who they really are. Seeing that Blaze sells drugs on the side I’ll go
with “C” as my final answer. We walked outside in my big backyard and they
already had the music playing, everyone was drinking and mingling. Jasmine
and DeeDee were lying by the pool on the lawn chairs with their shades on
talking and laughing. I walked over to check on them and to see if they needed
anything else to snack on, or drink. As we were talking I noticed they both
looked confused.
“Who’s that?” Jasmine asked.
Before I could turn around to look I felt someone grab me and the next thing
I know I’m falling. Once I felt the water I was relieved that it wasn’t too cold. It
was a hot and sunny day so the water was cool and actually felt good. I came
back up to see who pushed me in the pool.
“It’s your party. You had to go in first so you can let us know how the water
feels,” Karma said.
He started to laugh but his laughter was quickly interrupted, because Jasmine
pushed him in pool so fast, and then jumped back on the lawn chair as if she
didn’t do it. I waited for him to come back up before answering her question she
asked earlier because the timing was perfect.
“That’s Karma.”
He looked shocked and a little pissed off as he turned around and looked at
Jasmine. She just waved and smirked. I couldn’t stop laughing and was happy
my friend had my back.
“Oh, you think that’s funny, huh?”
I couldn’t even say yes because I was laughing so hard. I just shook my head
up and down until I felt the water splash my face. Water got in my eyes so I
couldn’t see, but I just started splashing water back at him. It took me back to
my childhood, splashing and swimming with my cousins. He was quick because
I thought I was splashing him back until I felt him pull me under the water. We
wrestled and tried to dunk each other until we were both smiling and laughing. I
looked over and Jasmine and DeeDee were quiet and staring as if we were
putting on a show. More people were starting to get in the pool now so Karma
and I settled down and started talking.
“So Karma, what’s your real name? You know mine so I think it’s only fair
that I know yours.”
“It’s Rebel Robertson, but you call me by my first name or just call me
Karma.”
“Nice name. I like that.”
“Are you flirting with me, Krave?”
“You are so silly. No I’m not flirting, and don’t forget I said call me Jamar.”
“Okay, daddy,” he said in a sarcastic tone. We stared at each other until I
started to get hard so I looked away. I’m pretty sure he picked up on it, because
he got closer to me, to the point that I thought he was about to kiss me and said,
“So that’s your man Konceited over there? It’s funny because he looks so much
better in his videos than he does in person, but you on the other hand, you look
even better.”
Who did he think he was fooling? I wasn’t stupid; I knew Tyree was finer
than I was so I looked over and noticed Tyree did look tired, and not as hot as he
normally did. Now that he had money, he smoked all day every day, and he
must’ve been tired and stressed out from traveling back and forth from L.A. to
Santa Barbara so much. It got to the point that he traveled there every weekend,
and sometimes a day or two during the week. As I was checking Tyree out, I
noticed him talking to a few guys from work, but staring at me as he spoke. I felt
uncomfortable now so I thanked Karma for his kind words, and told him I was
getting out the pool to check on the chef, and his assistant to see how the food
was coming along, which I did, but not before I walked over and talked to Tyree.
“Hey you, do you want to get in the pool with me in a minute?” I asked.
“Nah, that’s okay. You look like you’re already having fun with your boy
toy over there.”
“Who? Karma? Whatever, that’s Blaze’s friend. Besides I just met him like
an hour ago. I think he likes me though. What are you jealous, or something?” I
asked in a playful flirtatious tone.
“Jealous? Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve fucked everyone here but
DeeDee, and your little boyfriend so why would I be jealous? If you really want
to see jealous I’m pretty sure I can make you, and show you jealous. Those
white boys have been flirting with me ever since they’ve got here. They’re dying
to get some more of this dick,” he said as he grabbed his bulge.
“Damn boo, that weed has you tripping. You’re paranoid. I was just playing
with you and like I said before that’s Blaze’s friend.”
I felt like I needed to show him I only wanted him so I gave him a deep and
meaningful kiss. Once are lips parted he smiled as if he understood so I was
pleased.
The food was ready, so people were lining up to fix their plates. There was
steak, barbequed chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, and a bunch of side dishes. I
loved the steak, potato salad, and the deviled eggs the best. While we were
eating I was curious to know if the girls heard anything from Ebony.
“I haven’t seen, or heard from her,” Jasmine replied.
DeeDee finished chewing her bite of food before she said, “Look, don’t hate
me Jamar, but she’s been staying with me until she can find a place of her own.”
“What? You can’t be serious?” Jasmine quickly asked.
“She called me crying and said she had nowhere else to go. What was I
supposed to do? She’s my friend, too.”
“I can’t believe you trust that bitch after what she did to me,” I added.
“What she did to you was fucked up, but I couldn’t let her live on the streets.
Besides we all make mistakes. Trust me she feels really bad about what
happened.”
“She should,” I said.
As we were talking, I noticed Blaze selling a dub bag to the chef’s assistant.
I needed to re-up so I left the girls talking and walked over to Blaze.
“Damn, yo, you hustle hard anywhere and everywhere.”
“You ain’t never lie.”
“I need to get an ounce off of you while you’re working then.”
“Let’s go out to my truck and I’ll hook you up.”
As I’m walking with Blaze toward his truck I noticed Tyree walking inside
with his arms around two of the white boys he was talking to. I’m not going to
lie, instantly I was jealous and already thinking negative about it. I figured he
was about to go inside and cheat on me again. I guess that’s what happens after
you catch your lover or spouse cheating on you once before. Blaze and I walked
through the house so I could get some cash, and then we walked through the
garage. Blaze stopped me.
“I was wondering how I was going to get you alone.” he said.
“Why?”
He didn’t say anything he just pushed me up against my truck, and pulled my
shorts down to my ankles as he got on his knees.
“Not this again. You play too much.”
I reached down to pull my swim trunks back up but he stopped me.
“Just relax Jamar. I know you saw your man take those boys inside because I
peeped you looking. What do you think he’s doing right now?”
I didn’t respond. He got in my head because I pictured all kinds of things
going on in one of our bedrooms. Blaze was sucking me so good that I couldn’t
stop him even if I wanted to. I just closed my eyes and pretended it was Tyree
taken care of me until I actually heard Tyree yelling for me. I was able to pull
my shorts up, and pull Blaze up to his feet right before Tyree opened the door to
the garage.
“There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
“I’m getting some more tree from Blaze.”
“Oh, okay. Is there anymore ice?”
“I put all the ice that we had in the coolers. Why?”
“Why would you only buy two bags of ice? That’s not going to last all day.
It’s already pretty much melted.”
“I meant to get some more but I forgot. Why didn’t you buy any?”
 “Just run down to the store and get some more.”
I didn’t like the way he was telling me what to do. Of course I thought he
was just looking for a reason to get rid of me so he could do what he wanted to
do with those guys.
“Why can’t you run down to the store? I did everything else earlier.”
As I was talking to Tyree I was getting pissed, and I could heard Blaze
mumbling just loud enough for me to hear him. “I’ll take you.”
“Never mind, Tyree, don’t even worry about it. Blaze can run me down to
the store real quick.”
“Thanks Blaze, you’re all right sometimes,” Tyree replied.
“No problem,” Blaze responded.
We got in Blaze’s Silver Range Rover and headed to the nearest super
market, but halfway there Blaze pulled over on a side street. He parked the car
but didn’t turn off the ignition.
“What are we doing here?”
“Finishing what I started,” Blaze said as he took off his seatbelt and leaned
over so he could finish sucking me off. He must love my dick because he was
worshipping it as if it was the best thing on Earth. As much shit as I talk about
Tyree cheating there I was getting some of the best head that you could imagine.
Oh, well, Tyree was probably back at the house doing whatever with whomever,
so I felt even better about it. Besides I was still pissed about Tyree making me
do everything that day, so that was the relaxation that I needed.
Back at the house I put away the weed for later, and I filled the coolers back
up with ice, and then put the rest in the freezer. As I was closing the door to the
refrigerator Karma appeared out of nowhere scaring the shit out of me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Now you out of all people should know, you never sneak up on a black man
like that. You’re lucky I didn’t come across your face with a quick right hook.”
“Look at me Jamar. Would you hit this face? Really?”
He was starting to remind me of Tyree and how conceited he was when he
first got into porn.
“If you run up on me like that again I just might.”
He did just that too. He ran up on me to the point that I thought he was going
to kiss me again.
“What is up with you?” I had to ask. “You play too much,” I said as I softly
pushed him away from me.
“You don’t play enough.”
 I wanted to change the subject again.
“Anyway I heard some good things about you. I was told your first movie
was off the hook and that it should be a hit with the freaks.”
“Oh, yeah, it will be for sure. Breeze already said I’m about to be the next
best thing and one of the top, if not the top earner here.”
A Breeze speech that sounded oh so familiar.
“Oh, wow, the top spot, huh?” I asked sarcastically. “I’ll have to check out
this movie of yours, and see what the buzz is about, and see what you can do.”
He stared deeply into my eyes for a brief moment before saying, “Take me in
one of your bedrooms and I’ll show you what I can do.”
“Wow. You are funny.”
“I am, but I’m not joking right now.”
I stopped and stared at him to see how serious he was. He never took his
eyes off me. He was one bold young man.
“I’m serious!” he said breaking the silence.
“Wow, I’m flattered Karma, and you are hot but I don’t think that’ll be a
good idea.”
“If you’re worried I’ll run my mouth, I won’t,” he said so innocently.
I did want to fuck his bold ass, but after already feeling guilty about what I
did with Blaze my conscience didn’t need anything else piling up on it.
“It’s not that. I have a man who is in the basement shooting pool with our
friends. How fucked up would I be to fuck someone in our new home during our
housewarming party?”
He chuckled before saying, “Pretty fucked up when you put it like that.”
“See. Thanks for understanding and feeling where I’m coming from.”
“Sure. I’ll just wait to show you what I can do on Wednesday.”
“Wednesday? What are you talking about?”
“Breeze liked what I brought to the table so much, that after we wrapped up
my first movie he asked who I wanted to work with next. I told him…you,” he
said with a smirk on his face before walking away. For barely being eighteen
this dude had some nerve but he was sexy with it. I was shocked but turned on at
the same time. Now I was the one who needed a drink. Before heading outside I
took two shots of Patron to loosen me up and grabbed a Corona out the cooler.
As I was about to head over to the girls to fill them in on how my day was going
I heard Tyree talking to Breeze. I didn’t expect Breeze to show up, and I only
invited him because he overheard me talking about it, and I didn’t want to be
rude and not invite him.
 “What’s up Jamar? I must say you and Tyree have great taste. I like your
new crib.”
“Thanks Breeze.”
“I think your living room needs a little something extra so a delivery truck
should be arriving shortly to deliver your new 103 inch Plasma flat screen
television, and a Blu-ray disc player.”
“Stop playing,” Tyree said. You could hear the excitement in his voice.
“When have you known me to be playing? It’s about time you upgraded
from that 27 inch anyway. You’re porn stars, so live like it. You make great
money, and should only have the best.”
Not as much money as you make I wanted to say.
“Thanks Breeze. We really appreciate it.”
“No problem. Jasmine’s here, right?”
“Yeah, she’s lying out by the pool,” I replied.
“Okay, well don’t be upset, but I’m gonna have to steal her away. I know it’s
her day off, but Larry Ziggerman over at Hardcore Erotica just called and needs
her desperately for a shoot in West Hollywood. I told him she wasn’t available,
but after he said he would triple her pay…well you know how it is.”
“It must be nice,” Tyree said.
“Well, she’s out back with DeeDee. Help yourself if you’re hungry or
thirsty,” I said as he stepped outside. I watched as some of the guys were kissing
the boss’s ass as he walked over to Jasmine. I could tell she was pissed because
her body language said I’m not going, but I’m assuming after Breeze mentioned
the pay her attitude changed because she gathered her belongings, hugged
DeeDee, and headed toward me.
“Hey boo, I’m sorry but I have to go, even though I’d rather stay here.”
“It’s cool. Breeze already filled me in. Make that money, girl.”
“You know it. I’ll call you later.”
Her and Breeze left right as the delivery truck was pulling up with Breeze’s
gifts. I let them in, showed them where the living room was, and where I wanted
everything setup. While they were busy doing that I shot a few games of pool
with Tyree and DeeDee, and she was kicking our asses.
“Yeah, you didn’t think a bitch knew how to shoot pool did you?”
“Hell nah,” Tyree replied.
“Bobby used to play back in his day so he taught me a few things here and
there on some of our dates. Watch this shot right here, and take some notes
Tyree because you might learn something.”
 I don’t know how the hell she made the shot she did but I could tell Tyree
was tired of losing.
“Man, I don’t even feel like playing anymore.”
“Don’t be like that. Don’t be a sore loser. Go ahead and walk your ass over
there and rack ’em up. Let’s play one more game before we check out that new
TV of yours.”
After they finished that last game and Tyree finally beat her, although I think
she let him win, he was happy again, so we all cleaned up the backyard. It was
Saturday night so our guests left to get ready to hit the clubs and party the night
away. After we finished cleaning, put the leftover food away, and put the nice
gifts we received and gifts cards up, Tyree, DeeDee, and I got high while we
watched the roast of Flava Flav on Comedy Central on our new big ass TV. We
were laughing so hard that at first we didn’t hear the doorbell ringing. Tyree
heard it first.
“Did anyone else hear the doorbell ring, or am I high as fuck?”
“No, I think I heard it too,” DeeDee replied.
“I’ll go look. Somebody probably forgot their cell phone or something,” I
said as I jumped up to go check it out. As I was walking toward the door I
thought about the party, Blaze, Karma, and Tyree and couldn’t believe the lust
pyramid that I had built.
“Who is it?” I yelled when I was close enough to the front door, but no one
responded. As soon as I opened the door up wide enough to see who it was my
mouth dropped and I froze up instantly. What was he doing here? Why did he
come unannounced? Why does he have his suitcase? So many questions were
running through my head, but I couldn’t think of any answers. I was shocked.
“Well aren’t you going to invite me in son?”
 Chapter 19

So this is what being on top feels like.

I turned on my phone and put in a call to the Black Oasis’s owner Gina the
next morning and confirmed that I would perform there that night. She told me
that she would have my picture and name up in bright lights in front of the club
and on a billboard within the hour. She wanted the whole city to know that
Jezebel was in town. She also told me that there would be a delivery man with a
rack of costumes for me to choose from and a car to pick me up so that I would
be on time for my big gig at her club. I thanked her and was told to report to her
club at six, I would be on at ten, sharp. After our conversation I turned my phone
back off. I didn’t want anyone interfering with my time with Lust. If the world
was ending, well that was too damn bad, I wasn’t taking any calls.
“So when did you start doing this?” Lust asked noticing how nonchalant I
was about my big day. Little did he know, I was beaming with pride, excitement,
and nervousness. I just wasn’t letting it show.
“Not too long. Jamar and that asshole put me on to it just a couple of months
back. It pays well and is fast money. About two hours in and then I’m out.”
He smiled at me as if he could see right through me.
“Well, tonight sounds a little different. You may have to work a little harder
than you do in L.A. and for much more time. This is Vegas, girl, you’ve hit the
big time Jazzy.”
I could tell that he was somewhat being funny. He knew that even though I
was playing cool, my heart was in my throat.
“What, you don’t think that I can deliver? Well, you just wait and see,” I said
as I climbed unto his lap and straddled him.
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, baby, I know you can handle yourself off the pole.
That show you put on for me last night was off the hook. But this is VEGAS,
and I’m just telling you this because I want you to rock that shit. You gotta come
harder, meaner, and longer on their asses down here.”
I could tell that he was in my corner and rooting for me. He didn’t let me
know but he had been to that club before and knew that it was much more than
your average strip club. It was a border line burlesque Vegas style show that not
only turned you on but entertained you with its big show production. And here I
was, about to perform with what sounded like only a few hours of practice.
“Well, how about you make me cum harder, meaner and longer right now?”
I asked feeling my nipples get tender as they rub against his chest. Yes, he
turned me on but he was also scaring me. With all that was going on, I never
stopped and thought about how big this was. I was in the biggest city where
women dominated the lust filled shows they danced in and here I was a newbie.
“Well, I ain’t never had a problem with that,” Lust said as he slipped me his
tongue. As we proceeded to get what we needed, there was a knock on the door.
I got off of Lust and answered it.
“Hello Miss Rodriguez, we have a delivery for you.”
I looked over at Lust and gave him the “What is this?” face. He shrugged his
shoulders as I signed the delivery slip.
“You might as well have a seat, Miss, this may take a while.”
I watched as rack after rack of well-made costumes were brought in. The last
bell boy stepped in with the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen in my
life. After tipping, the bell boys let themselves out and I read aloud the card that
accompanied the flowers.
“It is our pleasure to have you at the Black Oasis. We hope you find that
special outfit for your show tonight. Break a leg, Gina. P.S-Don’t forget to check
out our marquee and billboard on the main strip.”
My heart raced. My body felt warm and tears formed in my eyes. I felt Lust
arms around me and his encouraging words.
“Don’t worry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, it’s not that, it’s just that when I look around and know that all of this is
for me. When I think about my time here in Vegas, the award show, my
accomplishments in such a short time, it, it, it’s just WOW, you know? I just
gotta let it all sink in.”
He just stood there with me not talking. He let me look around, feel the
clothes, and smell the flowers. I was proud of myself and he was proud of his
girl. I seemed a little different to him, like I had grown, blossomed into a humble
star. My good heart was not clouded with the allure of fame or fortune. I was
still the person I thought I lost a long time ago. I was still Jasmine, and he saw
her in me even when I didn’t.

*****

After skipping the sex session we were about to get into and taking a shower,
I tried on what seemed like hundreds of costumes. Then I saw it. It was black,
red, and gold. Real show girl like. I had a thong bottom, big head piece but there
was no top.
“Damn, the one I wanted would be missing a top,” I said as Lust helped me
look through the rack.
“Wait, Jazz, I think this is the top.”
When I looked in Lust’s hand all I saw was two pasties.
“This is going to be an interesting night, huh?” Lust asked as I held the outfit
up against my chest.
“Damn, I can’t wait to see you in that tonight, I’m getting hard just thinking
about it.”
I laughed at him as he grabbed his massive chocolate bar. I wanted him just
as bad as he wanted me, but the phone rang.
“Hello Miss Rodriguez, I have a message for you. A Ms. Gina wanted you to
know that the billboard is up. She wanted to know if she should send a car to
take you to see it.”
I didn’t hesitate one minute before I answered, “Absolutely.”
Within five minutes I had gotten a call back letting me know that a car would
be there to pick me up within a half an hour.

*****

The car couldn’t get cold enough for me. I was burning with excitement.
Picture it, my name in big lights, and my picture bigger than life shadowing the
Vegas strip, WOW! This was it! Lust held my hand the whole way there. We sat
close, with me almost in his lap. Him kissing my neck and shoulder while telling
me how happy he was to be there with me. Although you couldn’t squeeze an
inch between us, the closeness I felt to Lust was beyond the physical. It hit me
that this was the man I wanted to be with. Even with all that was going on, my
mind still floated back to him, his smile, his hands and how they felt against my
skin, his lips and how soft they were, how sweet the smell of his cologne was,
how the sound of his voice sent chills down my spine, and how his love made
me feel wanted, needed, and loved. As the car slowed and the privacy window
went down and I heard the driver say the magic words.
“There it is, Miss Rodriguez, your billboard is straight ahead.”
I jumped out of the car so fast that I almost fell down. My eyes canvassed the
scene until I saw it.
“Oh, my God, Lust, oh, my God.”
My grip tightened around his hand. I felt light headed, faintish almost.
“Tell the driver to call Ms. Gina and ask her if I can come in now instead of
later. With all of this…,” I said while pointing at the picture of me that loomed
over the city.
“I’ve got to be on point.”
Lust left my side as I gazed at the billboard.
“Tonight, at the Black Oasis, Fantasy Pictures own, JEZEBEL. Tickets on
sale now, show at 10:00p.m.”
I read the electronic words over and over as they moved across the billboards
screen. When Lust came back and told me that it was okay for me to go to the
club early, I took a couple of pictures with the billboard in the background and
jumped back in the car. So this is what being on top feels like.

*****

I got that same feeling when I arrived at the club. We got out of the car and I
admired my name that appeared in red letters. Lust already had his camera out
knowing that I would want a few shots. When I was done, I walked inside of the
plush Vegas style club and was greeted with another bouquet of flowers and
Champagne.
“Jezebel, I can’t tell you how nice it is to have you here at the Black Oasis.
Tickets have been flying off of the shelf since we put up the marquee.”
I looked the big woman over and noticed her beauty before her size. She
must have been standing at about six feet tall. Her platinum blonde hair had big
curls past her shoulders with the help of extensions. Her make-up and clothes
were flawless. She was big, but big in a way that would have all of the “brothas”
drooling. She got close to me and gave a somewhat hard elbow to the side.
“I’m almost ashamed to say it but I am such a fan of yours, you really know
your shit,” she said with a wink. I thanked her and looked over at Lust who was
cheesing from ear to ear.
“Well, let me show you around, and is that Lust, he was in a film with you,
right?”
I giggled at my fan. She was all beside herself. I could tell that she had
gotten off to our movies many of time. I answered “yes” before she walked up to
Lust and shook his hand.
“Come, come, we must toast. Here’s to Jezebel, Lust, me, the club, and
PORN STARS.”
We laughed, we drank, we took a tour, and then we got to work.

*****

“You’re going to do fine baby, just relax.”

It had been a long day. I started rehearsing at around three and it was now
going on 7:30PM Yes, my pole moves came in handy but this was way more of
a showgirl’s type show than I thought. What was Mr. Cappello thinking when he
put me up for this gig? I had to remember dance moves while wearing my
costume in the first half of the show, than coming out in my thong and pasties in
the second half. My mind was at ease when I thought of my second act because
that was more on the stripping end. But remembering the choreography with six
inch heels on had me on edge.
Lust could see the tension on my face as the make-up girl went to work on it.
My leg wouldn’t stop shaking and my palms were wet.
“He’s right you know, I watched you out there, you’re a natural.”
The make-up girl seemed genuine, but my nerves were still rattled. I asked
Lust to refill my glass with Champagne.
“Don’t overdo it,” she said while looking down at my drink.
“You don’t want to be wobbly on them heels.”
She had a good point. I took one sip and put the drink down. After she was
done, the hair person came into my dressing room and did his thing. After that,
the lead costume designer came in and dressed me. It was thirty minutes till
show time and it was time to get myself together. I asked everyone to leave the
dressing room, including Lust. I locked the door behind them and for the first
time since I came out of the shower, I turned and looked at myself in the full
length mirror. I took my breath away. I looked like a brand new person. Yes, I
had on heavy make-up and my hair was big enough to make a Texas girl smile,
but it wasn’t in that slutty porn way. I looked classy, clean, but still sexy.
“Okay, girl, you can do this. No falls, no slips, and no missteps. You’re
gonna rock that shit.”
I said this over and over until I believed it. Fifteen minutes later, I was being
led to the stage.

*****

The bright lights were almost blinding, which was good. Someone had told
me that it was a packed house before I went out on stage and this way I wouldn’t
have to see all of the peering eyes. The music started and the background
dancers were out there doing their thing. I waited to emerge from what looked
like water. My first costume had me looking like a mermaid. I went over the
dance steps in my mind and once I was through the makeshift water, I did what I
had practiced for hours. I moved my hips and kept up with the other girls as if I
was a pro. Half way through the first set my body and mind relaxed and
everything feel into place. I enjoyed the once intruding eyes. I marveled at their
smiles and excitement. Their cheers and applause gave me a rush in a way that
porn never did. Sure, being on the stage accepting my awards felt good, but this
was pure; clear even, like I was supposed to be doing this full time. I fell in love
right then and there. I wanted to be a show girl.
“Oh, my god Jazz that shit was crazy,” Lust said as he met me off stage after
the first act.
“Sorry, but we have to get her changed,” the stage coordinator said as she
pulled me away from Lust’s arms. I blew him a kiss and followed the hair,
make-up, and costume people.
“Go back out, this second half is all for you,” I said before entering my
dressing room. There was a seven minute interval between my first and second
act. Everything and everyone was moving fast and before I knew what hit me, I
was standing stage side in the costume that I picked out with Lust earlier that
day. I waited for my cue and as soon as I got it, the lights dimmed and I made
my way to the middle of the stage and stood between the two guys that I
handpicked to dance with me. The spot light shined on me and it was SHOW
TIME. We bumped and grinded to Maxwell’s Suite Lady. It was sensual, it was
steamy, it was intense, and I could feel the want the audience had for me. It was
as if they were in my world, the world I created for myself, where only I existed.
Only my wants and needs mattered, and they were always met. I looked over at
Lust and he was totally captivated by me. The thought of him made me wet and
it showed in my dancing. One by one the men pulled at the robe I had on. They
pulled at it tearing it off of me just like they were supposed to. They tore it all
off until I was left standing in my thong and pasties. Water started to pour and it
looked like rain. Our bodies glistened under the lights as our body parts slipped
and slid off of each other. We danced until the breakdown, my favorite part of
the song, came on.
The lights flickered and the strobe light was turned on. I pushed down one of
the male dancers and climbed on top of him. We engaged in what most would
think was full on sex. I rode him, moaning, thrusting, and shaking as if he were
hitting all of my right spots. He threw his head back and moaned with me. The
other male came behind me and rubbed his hands all over my chest, back, and
stomach and acted as if he was kissing and sucking my neck. The red light was
added to the strobe and with each flicker of the light; the audience was taken to
the brink of total ecstasy. As we reached the show’s climax, in a way so did the
audience, they were experiencing something new, something that would have
them talking and fucking for weeks. As the song went off, as planned, my two
dancers and I lay there breathless, sweaty, wet, and completely ravished, as if we
just had the best sex of our lives. The room went crazy, screams and cheers
roared on. I stood up and took a bow. I had done it. I was a success. I didn’t
mess up and I didn’t let my fears cripple me. I took my fears on and refused to
take a backseat to them, I now found a dream I never knew I had. I could now
look past porn and know that there was something else that I could do. Being in
adult film would not stop me from being the star I always knew I could be,
outside of porn and without Breeze. I found my passion and I had the man I
really wanted. Lust was right there once I got off of the stage. I fell into his arms
and cried. They were not tears of sorrow or embarrassment, no, they were tears
of bliss. Happiness that I hadn’t felt in a real long time, my heart was at ease and
my mind was clear.
“You did it, baby, and I knew you could.”
Lust was so filled with happiness for me that he had to fight back his own
tears. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling the way he did. Something
special had happened out there and words would never be able to explain what it
was. He had watched me transform as if I were a blank canvas before only to
slowly gain color by the hand of a gifted artist. It was as if I were born, reborn in
a way, right in front of him. He knew that this was nothing he had ever seen
before and he also knew that it was something that he would never see again. He
never said it but as he watched me his whole body shook, and he didn’t know
why, but he did know that it was because of me and what just transpired on
stage.
“Jeze-fucking-bel. What the fuck was that? Matthew wants to see you right
away,”
Gina was talking a mile a minute. I gave her the “Who the hell is Matthew?”
look.
“He’s my business partner, don’t worry about it, just come with me.”
I held on to Lust’s hand and followed Gina into her partner’s office. After
ten minutes of talking to them, I was presented with a contract for two shows a
month at thirty thousand dollars a show. With tickets ranging from one hundred
seventy five dollars for what was considered the cheap seat, three thousand
dollars for the first five rows, and with the first rows reserved for high rollers at
five thousand dollars a pop, they would be bringing in serious money if they had
a sold out show every time I came out.
“There wasn’t one ticket left to sell even if we needed one. The whole show,
sold the fuck out, and that was within the first two hours of putting the billboard
up. Are you sure you don’t want to make this a permanent thing? We could
make a lot of money,” Matthew said as he leaned back in his chair. He smiled as
if he could already count the money I could possibly bring in. If I agreed, he
would up the price of admission and figured that if his place was licensed to hold
up to five thousand people at once, well this could be the beginning of a
beautiful and lucrative working relationship.
“If I were you, now don’t take this the wrong way cause I love Bobby, but,”
I could tell that Gina was trying to choose her word carefully.
“You could be so much more out here. You could make so much money,
gain fame for more than fucking on film. We know you’re good at what you do,
but this is a chance to start over. I hope that I’m not out of line here but Jezebel,
you are something special. I wouldn’t waste your talent if I had it.”
FUCKKKKKKK, both her and Matt were making so much sense. I knew
that they were right, but I was under contact with Fantasy Pictures.
 “But my contra---.”
I didn’t get the word contract out before Matt spoke up.
“We would buy you out.”
I looked over at Lust hoping that his head wasn’t spinning like mine was. So
much, so fast.
“At least think about it,” Lust said with a warm smile.
“He’s right; you should think about it and let us know. But in the meantime,
at least we’ll have you here twice a month.”
We spoke for another hour or so working the kinks out of the contract and
waiting for two lawyers to make their way to the club. It was late but you could
get anything at any time in that city, good or bad. They made everything sound
first class. They would put me up in the best hotel for three days and two nights,
even though I would only have to work one night. They would also send a plane
out every two weeks to take me from L.A. to Vegas and back. I would also have
a car service to pick me up from my house and anywhere I wanted to go once I
got to Vegas. They promised only the best their city had to offer, five star
everything, all the way. Once the lawyers looked over and explained everything
to both parties, it all seemed kosher, so I signed the contract.

*****

Could you believe that they asked me to feature at their club? The money,
are they crazy, thirty G’s?”
I had showered, changed and now Lust and I were on our way back to the
hotel. I jumped into his lap and spoke a mile a minute.
“Picture me, Jasmine Rodriguez, a Vegas showgirl. OH, MY GOD!” I
screamed.
“Why are you so surprised, doing porn wasn’t your ultimate goal was it?”
I looked at him like he was crazy.
“Hell no, I wasn’t even supposed to be doing that shit. I went out to L.A. to
act in “Real” films, you know, on the big screen. It just didn’t come as easy as I
thought it would, so I had to find a way to pay the bills.”
“Can I ask you something Jazz?”
I shook my head yes.
“How come you didn’t jump at the opportunity they’re giving you? It’s way
better than that porn bullshit and I’ve even been thinking about my exit, why
don’t you do the same?”
He didn’t know that my heart was already set on transitioning. Although I
didn’t know when or how I was going to leave my new-but-old life behind, I did
know that I would leave it without ever looking back. So I stayed in his lap and
told him everything. By the time I was done, the concerns he had before were
soothed. He was so happy for me and with me that he knew it was time to fess
up. He took my face into his hands and kissed me tenderly. He felt so good, so
damn right.
“You know what, Jasmine?”
“What is it baby?”
“I think you should know that I have fallen in love with you.”
I just sat there, frozen, still unable to move. He must have thought that he
weirded me out or that maybe I didn’t feel the same. He looked scared,
embarrassed even. Then the laughter came, I couldn’t stop it even though I tried.
“What in the fuck is so funny?”
He looked so cute. He looked like a seven year old who hadn’t gotten their
way.
“Calm down, baby, it’s not what you think. It’s just, well, I’m laughing
because I have been in love with you for some time now and I don’t even know
your real name.”
I laughed again. “I call the man I love by his “Porn name.”
Now we both were laughing. I don’t know if I had never thought about it
before, or if it just hadn’t mattered until then, but it was odd that I only knew
him as Lust.
“Well, Jasmine, you can call me Lanell.”
“Lanell?” I asked.
That was one I hadn’t heard before.
“Yeah, I was named after my mom’s first kiss. She thought that it was funny
pulling that one over my dad.”
We laughed and I kissed my man. His kiss somehow tasted sweeter than
before.
“I’m in love with you, too, Lanell.”

*****
 The flight back was draining. Leaving Las Vegas was like leaving my soul
behind. In a way I was. Lust had decided to stay a little longer. He said that he
needed the time away from the real world and that since he was enjoying
himself, he wasn’t in a rush to leave. I was afraid if he stayed that he wouldn’t
be able to come and see me when I went back, but he promised to never miss a
performance. I questioned his ability to go to Vegas every two weeks. It wasn’t
like they were going to be flying him out like they were doing for me. But he
told me not to worry, that he never broke his promises. So as the taxi pulled up
to my building in L.A., I kept my head up and told myself that soon enough I
would be kissing this place and all it held goodbye. I could and would be
walking away from Breeze and his fucked up ways. I would turn my back on
L.A. and the dreams that it swallowed whole. I would tell the porn biz to kiss my
ass and break free from the shackles that it continuously puts on its participants.
I walked in to my apartment and noticed how small and unimportant
everything in it was. Leaving all of this bullshit behind was going to be a breeze,
no pun intended. I sat on my couch and turned on my phone, it hadn’t been on
since I turned it off after speaking to Gina. I dialed Lanell’s number and waited
to hear my lover’s voice.
“Hey baby, how was your flight?”
I sunk deeper into the couch. His voice relaxed me.
“Lonely, I miss you already. I should have stayed,” I said, feeling fed up
with myself. I should have said fuck it and never came back.
“I wish you were here too but you did what you had to do. I have been
thinking about you since I left you at the airport. I was like, damn nigga, man up,
you’ll see her soon,” he said with a light chuckle. I closed my eyes and thought
about out last night together. It was like saying the “Love” word changed
everything. We made love over and over savoring every part of each other’s
body. It was better than it had ever been, and it was because we loved each other
deeply.
“So what are you gonna do while out in paradise?” I asked trying to sound
up beat.
“Relax, think of you, gamble, and eat, and then go home.”
“Well, have fun.”
I was jealous.
“I’ll have more fun two weeks from now when I’m with you. I love you
Jasmine.”
 “That’s music to my ears, Lanell.”
“No, tell me you love me too so that I can sleep well tonight.”
“I love you with all my heart.”
“Now go to bed, call me once you’re done with work.”

*****

I got up the next morning and told myself to just go with the flow of life. I
had a plan and although it would take some time to get there, I WOULD get
there.
“Oh, shit, look what the cat dragged in,” DeeDee said as I entered the locker
room. She walked over to me and gave me a hug.
“Girllllll, you know I want to hear all about it, but I’m about to go on set.
Drink after work?” she asked as she headed for the door. I told her yes and
watched her leave. I looked around and saw all of the same old faces including
Ebony’s trifling ass. I rolled my eyes and went to the call sheet. I went down the
whole damn thing and didn’t see my name on it anywhere. What in the hell was
going on?
“No work for the big star, huh?”
I knew who it was before I even turned around. I should have just ignored
her ass but she had caught the right person on the wrong damn day.
“How many times do I have to tell your ass not to look at me, let alone talk
to me? Are you fucking hard of hearing or something? You say one more
fucking thing to me and I’m gonna put my foot deep in your ass, understand?”
Tanya stepped up like she wanted to test me, I was ready.
“I will fucking kill you, bitch. DeeDee’s not here this time.”
I put my duffle bag down and was about to get it in. I didn’t need DeeDee for
me to show this bitch what time it was.
“Tanya, get your ass out here, we don’t have all day,” I heard one of the
directors say.
“You’re one lucky bitch,” she said as she walked by me bumping me with
her shoulders. I walked up behind her and pushed her hard. She went flying into
one of the lockers. I waited for her to come back at me but she didn’t. She just
fixed her clothes and stood up straight.
“You may have won the battle but I won the war, hoe.”
 “Yeah, whatever, Tanya. Come at me when you really wanna see me.”
I threw my bag into my locker, locked it and headed for Breeze’s office.
“Hey girl, don’t tell me that you’re just getting back?”
I was happy to see Jamar and gave him a hug.
“Yeah, I am but I can fill you in on that later. You should join DeeDee and
me for drinks after work. But let me tell you what Tanya just tried to pull.”
I told him what just went down in the locker room allowing myself to get
heated all over again.
“That’s one crazy bitch but she may be right about winning that war. Breeze
called me yesterday asking if I heard from you. He was acting all crazy and he
sounded pissed.”
“He knew where I was, his dad said that he would tell him about me staying
a few extra days.”
“I don’t know; have you seen him yet?”
I didn’t want to tell Jamar that I was avoiding Breeze but he could tell. In a
crazy way, I was kind of scared to find out what would happen when I did see
him.
“Well, he’s around here somewhere so you’re bound to bump into him.”
“Who cares, I’m over the both of them to tell you the truth.”
Jamar looked at his watch and told me that he had to get on set before they
started looking for him. I head straight for Mr. Cappello’s office. I wanted to
know if he told his son the reason behind my absence.

*****

“Hello, hello, Jazzy, I’ve been hoping to see you. I spoke with Gina and I
heard you tore the place down. How are you, did you enjoy yourself?”
Mr. Cappello was standing without stretched arms. He gave me a warm hug
and I took in a nose full of his expensive cologne. He always smelled so good.
“I love being up there on that stage, it felt right you know?” I was so
comfortable around him now that I felt free to speak candidly.
“At first I was like what in hell were you thinking? But once I hit that stage, I
lost myself in the music and it just came to me. I really do have to thank you.”
He smiled and I could tell that he felt that he had done something right.
“Well, Gina is going to send me a copy of your performance and I can’t wait
to see it. She couldn’t say enough about you, Jasmine. I’m proud of you, I really
am.”
That meant a lot coming from him.
“So what can I do you for?” I took a seat and came right out with it.
“Did you tell your son that I would be staying and performing at the Black
Oasis?”
“Of course I did, I told you that I would.”
“Did, umm, did you tell him about—?”
He knew what I was trying to get at. I wanted to know if he told him about
Lanell and I being together.
“Look Jazz, I don’t meddle in my son’s personal life. I told him what I
needed to tell him and that was it. But I did hear something about him knowing
—.”
Mr. Cappello stopped talking and just stared at the door. I turned around and
say Breeze standing.
“So you’re back?” he asked with piercing eyes.
“Yeah, got in last night.”
“And you didn’t call, must have had someone else to talk to.”
You could have cut the tension in that office with a knife.
“Well, I have work to do. I’ll see you later, Jazzy.”
I wasn’t going to let Mr. Cappello leave without bring up the fact that I
wasn’t scheduled for any movies just in case Breeze was trying to pull a fast one.
“I may not be here, Mr. Cappello. I figured that I would just go home since I
wasn’t taping.”
“What are you talking about? I set up three feature films for you myself.
You’re fresh off major wins, who would be crazy enough not to use that and put
you to work?” he asked as he looked at his son as if Breeze was crazy. There he
was thinking with his dick again.
“Don’t leave without seeing again, I’ll go check on it,” he said while exiting
his office. Once Mr. Cappello was gone, I just sat there. I didn’t know what
angle to take with Breeze. After just standing at the door and looking at me for a
while. He walked into the office, slammed the door, and sat down behind his
father’s desk.
“So how was your trip, I heard about your wins.”
“Yeah, it was all great.” I kept my answers short and sweet.
“So my dad hooked you up with Gina, how did that go?”
“It was fun, something different.”
 “The weather, was it okay?”
That was a weird question but okay, I would play his game. “It was lovely.”
“So, no power outages, no lines down.”
Okay, now I knew where he was going.
“No, nothing like that.”
“SO WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU CALL ME? NO BETTER YET,
WHY WAS YOUR PHONE OFF?”
I remained calm even though he was yelling.
“Just didn’t feel like being bothered. I guess I was still mad that you couldn’t
come with me.”
I prayed that he brought the bullshit I was selling.
“So you really wanted me there, huh?”
He looked me right in the eyes when he asked me this but I wasn’t backing
down. I stared right back into his eyes and lied, “Of course I did. You knew how
upset I was that you weren’t coming.
He leaned back in the desk chair and shook his head.
“I can’t believe you’re looking me right in my face and lying to me.”
“What are you talking about?”
My stomach had started to do flips at that point.
“If I was there you wouldn’t have been able to hook back up with Lust.”
He stopped talking and watched for my reaction. When I didn’t give him one
he continued, “Yeah, that’s right. Tanya told me all about you two lovebirds.
How you two were making out at the award show and how you two damn near
fucked in the club, yeah I know it all, fucking slut.”
My anger was boiling over. If that bitch was going to tell she could have at
least told the truth.
“That’s a fucking lie right there,” I said standing up.
“Which part?”
“What do you mean?”
“Which part are lies? The kissing, groping, or are you telling me that you
didn’t see him at all.”
I looked down at the smug look on his face and said fuck it.
“You know what, Breeze, fuck you and fuck Tanya; you two can have each
other.”
He jumped up so fast that the desk chair was still spinning by the time he got
to me. He grabbed both of my arms and pulled me to him.
“NO, FUCK YOU! I gave you everything and you stoop down to what,
Lust’s level. He doesn’t have what I have, he will never be me.”
“His level? You will never know what his level is, you will never be able to
reach it, baby. See, he doesn’t have some hoe living with him while he’s in
another relationship. If you really liked me the way you say you did, you
wouldn’t still be living with that bitch. You wouldn’t take her word over mine,
and most of all, you wouldn’t talk to or treat me the way you do. And that’s why
you will never be on his level.”
“What are you talking about? I’m not the one who’s married?”
“That one is old already, find something new,” I said breaking his grip. I
now had the info on Lanell’s marriage. I knew that he was separated.
“You already knew the situation between Tanya and me when you first
started messing with me. She caught us fucking for crying out loud.”
“Well, shame on me,” I said as I headed for the door.
“Come back here, Jasmine.”
“Sorry, but this conversation is over, see you around.”
 Chapter 20

“Karma Is What He Kraves”

I couldn’t believe my father was in L.A., let alone standing at my front door.
He looked the same since I last saw him except his hairline was receding a little
more. He was wearing some black slacks, a cream colored polo shirt, and some
freshly shined dress shoes. Since I looked just like him I was happy to know I’d
be handsome when I got older. I didn’t know what to say, I was speechless. My
father opened the storm door himself and that’s when reality kicked back in.
“Dad, what are you doing here?”
“I was traveling with a coworker of mine on business. Since I was in L.A., I
decided to stay an extra day so I could visit you, and see your new house. You
sounded so excited about it when you called me last week. I thought I’d surprise
you. Are you not happy to see me?”
“I am. Come in.”
I gave him a big hug as I thought about how I was going to hide my porn, my
awards, and Tyree. Well, not really Tyree, but hide the fact that he was my man.
“I was hoping I could spend the night here, if that’s okay with you. If not, I’ll
need you to drive me to the nearest hotel in a few hours.”
“Of course you can stay here. I have a few guest rooms. Give me a minute
and I’ll be right back to give you a tour of the house.”
I walked down the hallway, and then I turned the corner. Once I knew my
father couldn’t see me I ran to the living room.
“MY DAD IS HERE. MY DAD IS HERE. QUICK PUT THE BLUNT
OUT, AND I NEED YOU TO HIDE OUR PORN AND OUR AWARDS.”
“WHAT? CALM DOWN,” Tyree replied as he jumped up.
“Did you hear what I just said? My dad just showed up. DeeDee can you
light some candles please. Tyree I need you to hide anything that will give away
that we’re porn stars, and I need a big favor. I need you to sleep in one of the
guest rooms and pretend it’s your room until he leaves tomorrow afternoon.”
“Okay, I got you, baby, and calm down. It’s going to be okay.”
“Hold up, you still haven’t told your father anything about your lifestyle
here?” DeeDee asked.
“Hell no, he doesn’t even know I’m gay.”
“Wow, on that note I’ll help Tyree clean up but then I’m outta here because
I’m scared I might fuck around and slip up and say something by accident.”
I was giving my dad a tour of the house, and the backyard as I introduced
him to Tyree and DeeDee as she was leaving.
“Do you still have a lot of boxes to unpack?” my father asked as he noticed
some of Tyree’s boxes in the garage.
“No, not really, that’s Tyree’s stuff. He hasn’t finished unpacking yet. You
know me, I couldn’t wait, and had all of my stuff unpacked the same week we
moved in.
“So Tyree is the one you live with, right?”
“Yes, that’s my roommate and my best friend.”
Hey I wasn’t lying. I just wasn’t telling him the whole truth.
“How did you two meet?”
“We meet at a club.”
“You met him at a club, and now you’re living together. How does that
happen?”
“Well, we realized we were both aspiring actors, so we started hanging out
and going to auditions together. I needed a roommate to pay half the bills, and he
needed a place to live. It worked out perfectly.”
“I always thought you were living with your girlfriend Ebony?”
I forgot I told him I was living with my girlfriend. Again, technically I
wasn’t lying I just let him assume we were dating.
“I was but things didn’t work out. She was a liar and she couldn’t be
trusted.”
“Well, it’s like that sometimes son.”
I walked over to see what my dad was staring at so hard. He was holding a
picture of me and Jasmine.
“That’s Jasmine, my other best friend. Isn’t she gorgeous?”
“Yes, she is. Is she famous or something, because she looks familiar?”
Now I was starting to panic because all I could think about was my dad
recognizing her from starring in porn. What if he looked up all of her movies
now that he knew she was my best friend? What if he discovered the movie we
filmed together with Tyree? What would he think of me?
“She’s an aspiring actress.”
“Oh, ok. Well I’m sure she’ll make it. She’s beautiful.”
I was nervous as hell and needed a drink because he instantly killed my buzz.
“Dad, can I get you anything to eat or drink?”
“I am quite hungry. I haven’t eaten anything since lunch and that was about
1:00p.m.”
“I’ll fix you something.”
I made my dad a plate of food that we had earlier at the party, heated it up,
and served it to him with a gin and tonic, his favorite.
While he ate I had another Corona.
“When did you start drinking? You’re not even 21 yet.”
“I don’t really drink like that. I might have a Corona or two every now and
then.”
“Son, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be straight up with
me.”
I was nervous and sweating now, because I thought he was about to ask me if
I was gay. I wasn’t ready for that talk so I was prepared to lie.
“Go ahead and ask me.”
He paused for a second, took a big gulp of his drink finishing it off, and then
he sit the empty glass back on the table.
“Are you selling drugs? Are you a drug dealer?”
Wow. I was relieved, but shocked at the same time. He caught me off guard
causing me to laugh out loud.
“Why are you laughing? This is serious.”
“I’m sorry dad; I didn’t mean to laugh at you. Why would you ask me that?”
“Because you’re living in an expensive house, better than mine I must add,
you’re driving a Range Rover, and you have the biggest television that I have
ever seen in my life. How can you afford all of this?”
He definitely had a point and knew something was up and I had to come up
with some answers quick.
“No, I don’t sell drugs. The TV was a gift from a friend. I just got it today
actually. I’m renting the house, and I brought the truck after I started making
money doing commercials, and being an extra in a lot of films.”
“So you mean to tell me you make that much being an extra, and why
haven’t I seen you in any commercials?”
 Now he was really starting to stress me out, and making me lie to him.
“The commercials that I filmed only air here in California, and I get three
hundred dollars a day as an extra. Sometimes the films take weeks to finish so
I’m making about two grand a week.”
I had no idea how much extras made but I had to come up with something.
“Well, I’m just checking because you know I raised you better than that.”
“I know and trust me, dad, I’m not doing anything illegal.”
We were both quiet now, and into our own thoughts. I’m assuming he was
proud of me and thinking I was doing better than he was. I was wondering how
well I actually pulled that off. After a few more drinks we talked about
everything. I found out my father was dating again, no wonder he seemed
happier. He showed me a picture of his new girlfriend Lydia. She was pretty and
thick in all the right places. She was seven years younger than he was so she
must be putting it on him, and that’s why he’s been in a good mood. However, I
didn’t want to think about my dad like that, let alone picture it. After a few hours
of talking and catching up I showed him to the guest room, I took a shower, and
then I went and kissed Tyree, who was still playing his PlayStation 3, goodnight.
The next morning I woke up to my father cooking breakfast. He really made
himself at home.
“Good morning. I hope you’re hungry.”
“Dad, you didn’t have to do this. I was going to take you out for breakfast.”
“It’s not a problem. I wanted to thank you for letting me spend the night, and
hopefully for driving me to the airport in a few hours.”
“Oh, ok. Sure, I’ll give you a ride.”
“The food is almost ready. Let Tyree know, I made enough for all of us.”
I wanted them to have as little communication as possible, so there was no
way I was going to wake up Tyree.
“I’m pretty sure he stayed up most of the night playing video games, so he’s
not going to walk up anytime soon. I’ll make him a plate, and leave it in the
microwave.”
“Okay. I thought I was going to have a hard time finding utensils, but I
noticed you store everything like I do at home.”
“Out of habit, I guess.”
We ate homemade pancakes, eggs sunny side up, bacon, grits with butter and
cheese, and sausage links. That was the first time my father cooked breakfast for
me since I was fourteen. I liked the change in him, too bad we lived so far apart.
When it was finally time for him to go I was a little sad, but at the same time
happy I didn’t have to pretend I lived that lifestyle I portrayed any longer. I was
tired of acting in my own house, even if it was only for twenty four hours. I gave
him a hug, slipped a check for ten thousand dollars in his carry on, and then
waited until he was inside the airport before I headed home.
Three days later it was time to go back to work, and I was working with
Karma. I walked into the studio excited and anxious. The day before he was all I
could think about. I checked in with Breeze to see if he had both of our STD
results. Everything was fine and we were both clean. After I got the results
Breeze handed me a small script. Written on the cover was Karma Is What He
Kraves.
“Jamar, read that over before we get started. You don’t have to have it
memorized word for word as long as you know the main concept. You can play
it by ear. Also, check in with wardrobe because they should have something for
you to wear.”
I walked over to wardrobe and Amy, a short, petite, white chick waved me
over.
“Jamar, I have a few things here for you to choose from.”
I quickly looked it all over and realized everything was black. I ended up
wearing a t-shirt, jeans, Timberland boots, sunglasses, and a hoodie.
“Here are some props too.”
She handed me a plastic gun, and a fake knife.
“I believe you'll be using the knife and Karma will be using the gun.”
“Okay, thanks.”
I was ready to get started now. I walked out into the warehouse and was
surprised to see how well they made the sound stage look like a street corner
with a back alley. I noticed Karma off to the side looking over the script. He
looked good, especially since his character was more masculine than he really
was. He looked thugged out, but pretty. He had on some jeans that were sagging
and showing off his black boxers, a white wife beater, some fake gold chains, a
black skull cap, and some fresh Jordan's. The crew was getting all of the cameras
and microphones set up. Breeze walked in and made his presence known.
“LET’S GO PEOPLE. WHY ISN’T EVERYTHING SETUP ALREADY? “
No one spoke up because they didn't want to get yelled at. Everyone started
moving faster until we were ready to start.
“Karma and Krave, are you ready and prepared for this scene?”
We both acknowledged that we were ready.
“Karma, I want you to stand on the corner and wait till one of the crew
members walks up and acts like he's buying some drugs off you. After you two
make the transaction and he walks off the set pretend like you’re making a call,
and then start walking down the alley.”
“I got it Breeze.”
“Krave, do you know what to do from there?”
“Yes!” I replied as I nodded my head up and down.
“OKAY, PEOPLE QUIET ON THE SET. ACTION!”
I waited till Karma started walking down the fake alley until I ran up on him,
put my arm around his neck, and then grabbed the cell phone with one hand
while putting the knife on his throat with my other hand.
“Don't fucking move or I'm going to kill you.”
“Whoa, hold up! Let's talk about this.”
“Did I tell you to speak?”
He shook his head back and forth confirming that I didn’t.
“Then, shut the fuck up until I say you can talk.”
“Okay! Okay!”
I put the cell phone in my pocket and then started patting Karma down until I
got to his waist.
“Nice gun. Thanks, I needed one.”
“Wait I need that--”
I smacked Karma upside the head with the gun softer than it appeared.
“I could've sworn I told you to shut the fuck up.”
I started going through his pockets and pulled out his money. I already knew
how much it was but I pretended to count it anyway.
“Sixty dollars? That’s it? Where’s the rest of your money?”
“That’s all I got, yo.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me. Show me where the rest of it is, or I’m going to
stab you.”
“That’s it, I SWEAR.”
“What else do you have?”
“Here take the rest of this.”
Karma handed me his baggie of fake drugs.
“What am I going to do with this? I don’t want this shit. You better come up
with something else valuable.”
I eased up so he could turn around and face me.
“What about my chains? Here take them.”
“I don’t want your fake ass jewelry,” I said as I threw them on the ground.
 “What else do you have?”
“That’s it. I don’t have anything else. You got it all.”
“Nah you need to come up with something. As a matter of fact get on your
knees.”
“What? Come on man. Why are you doing this?”
“Cuz you’re a pretty ass motherfucka who shouldn’t be hustling. You’re too
soft. I’m going to teach you a lesson, and show you how I treated bitches like
you when I was in prison.”
I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans just enough to pull my dick out.
“Now get on your knees and suck my dick, bitch. Don’t make me ask you
again.”
As he slowly got down on his knees he took off his watch and tried handed it
to me.
“I forgot about my watch. Please don’t make me do this. Here.”
“Nah, that’s okay. You need to keep that cuz you know what time it is,
bitch.”
I grabbed his head, pushed him forward enough so I could rub my dick all
over his face first.
“Now open up and suck this dick. I better not feel any teeth either because if
I do I’m going to slice your face, then shoot you with your own gun.”
Karma started doing what he’s wanted to do since my housewarming party,
but he started off pretending like he didn’t like it.
“You better make me believe you love it, bitch.”
I got undressed first and I was only wearing my Timbs now. Karma started
getting more into it and although he was young, he had more skills than some of
the older cats we worked with. He had my legs trembling and I actually had to
hold back from cumming a few times by stopping him.
“Damn, yo, I can tell this definitely isn’t your first time. Now go deeper!”
I grabbed his head and started getting rougher with him. He started
swallowing me whole as I fucked his mouth. It was so good I had to step back
for a moment. He followed and continued doing his job. He was earning that pay
check.
“CUT!!!! Jamar what's wrong with you today? Do you need to sit down or
something?” Breeze asked.
“I'm trying not to cum. Shorty got skills.”
“If you cum now can you still perform for the fuck scene?”
“Hell yeah, I might need a little break but I'll be all right.”
 “Okay, people we are going to film the money shot now, and then we will
take a fifteen minute break. Make sure there's a fluffer on the set for Krave
during the break. ACTION!”
I was already rock hard and throbbing, so it didn't take much before I gave
Karma a facial.
“CUT! We got it. Everyone, make sure you're ready in 15,” Breeze said, as
he looked at his watch and then walked off the set. As Karma wiped his face off,
I grabbed a water and sat down in a chair while I waited for a fluffer to come
over and make me hard again. Chris, a young white male, who wasn't ugly, just
wasn't quite photogenic to star in porn started walking over to me.
“Hey, Krave, are you ready for me?” he asked with enthusiasm.
“Yes sir.”
Karma cut him off in his path and carried the fuck out of him.
“Calm down, white boy, slow your roll, I got this.”
Chris walked away pissed and disappointed. Karma got down on his knees,
in between my legs, and started hooking me up again. This time I could relax
and handle it without busting.
Breeze walked back in when he thought it was time to start filming again. He
was in a bad mood today and it was written all over his face. Fifteen minutes
hadn’t even past yet and he was yelling again.
“WHY IS EVERYONE STILL SITTING DOWN? WE NEED TO WRAP
THIS UP ASAP.”
Everyone jumped up and got back in position. I just stayed in my chair
because I knew he wasn’t talking to me, and I was enjoying Karma’s mouth way
too much to stop him. Breeze looked over and finally spoke directly to us.
“Karma, you didn’t have to do that. We have fluffers for that.”
“I know. I wanted to do it.”
Breeze just looked at him funny then said
“We need you two on the set for the fuck scene. Hurry up.”
I walked over to the set naked and rock hard while Karma was still fully
dressed.
“Let’s start with Karma on his knees, and then Krave will make him strip.
ACTION!”
Karma gave me some more head but only for a minute because I stopped him
and gave him my demands.
“Now take off all of your clothes. I want some of that ass.”
Once he was undressed, he stood there looking so innocent. His body was so
smooth and perfect. I wanted to taste him. I bent him over, up against the wall,
and even though the script didn’t call for it I started licking his ass. Breeze didn’t
seem to care either way because he didn’t stop me. I could tell Karma was
enjoying it but I only gave him a few minutes of tongue action before I stood up,
and slowly slid my dick in his tight hole. Karma had some good ass too. He was
already wet inside. After only a couple of strokes there was white cream all over
my dick. Thankfully I had already came otherwise the sight of that alone
would've made me bust. I really wanted to take my time and make love to him,
but since it was a robbery scene I had to be rough with him. I was banging his
back out as hard as I could while he was pressed up against the wall. I even
pretended like I was choking him a few times. He acted like I was hurting him
and begging me to stop at first, but then he couldn't deny the pleasure he was
receiving. He started moaning as loud as he could, not even realizing it, as he
poked his ass out waiting for each stroke. I thought it would be hot to make him
grab his ankles so I did, and continued to pound that ass. Once Breeze had
enough footage he yelled out, “CUT! THAT'S A WRAP!” Karma tried to stand
up, but I didn't care I bent him back over because I wasn't stopping until I was
finished. Karma didn't seem to mind and kept throwing it back on me until I
pulled out and came on his ass a few minutes later.
 Chapter 21

I am a firm believer in fate and karma.

“Girl, give us the juice,” DeeDee said as she sipped on her drink. I went over
the details of my time with Lanell and they were eating all of it up.
“Damn, Jazzy, that is off of the hook,” Jamar said, as he did the “Awww”
face.
“Then he says to me, ‘Well, Jasmine, you can call me Lanell.’”
While I told them my story, I could still feel my heart skipping a beat. The
thought of Lanell still drove me crazy.
“I would have said fuck L.A. and fuck Fantasy Pictures. I would have let
them buy my contract out and gave Breeze the deuces,” DeeDee said while
holding her two fingers up.
“Yeah, well I told them that I would think about it.”
“Are you fucking crazy?” Jamar asked.
“They are offering you the world, I would jump on it a.s.a.p.”
“Yeah, right, as much as you love doing porn?” I asked Jamar with the
“There’s no way you would ever give up porn.” look.
“Well, I’m not talking for myself, I’m talking about you. This has never
really been your dream; you just fell into it and happened to make it big. You
should go, I’ll miss you like hell but you should take that job.”
“I am going to take it, I just needed time to really think about it and plan my
move. There’s no need to miss me, I’ll be expecting the both of you out at least
once a month. You two will stay the weekend and catch a performance,” I said
as if I was telling them and not asking.
“Yes, ma’am,” DeeDee said as we shared a laugh.
“I’ll be there; I love Vegas, how about you?” DeeDee asked Jamar. He said
that he would be there no matter what, and I believed them both. We all pinky
swore to keep in touch and moved on to the next subject.
 “So have you seen Tyree since Vegas? How long did it take him to move his
shit out of your house? Fucking asshole.”
Jamar and DeeDee got a weird look on their faces and I was confused.
“What? Don’t tell me that he moved in with Ebony or something?”
I didn’t get why they were looking like they were out of place. I had asked
two questions yet neither of them answered.
“WHAT?” I asked getting annoyed.
“Go ahead and tell her,” DeeDee said as my patients started to run out.
“Well, he didn’t really move out---.”
“Well, I was expecting that, how did you throw his ass out. Did you go all
Angela Bassett on him and burn his shit, or did you just throw them out on the
lawn?” I asked laughing. I could almost picture Jamar putting all of Tyree’s
things in a trash can and lighting it on fire, with a blunt in hand.
“No, nothing like that, I decided to let him stay.”
“WHAT? I thought I heard him wrong, I had to.
“Yeah, he came over damn near crying and apologized. I just couldn’t bring
myself to let him go. That dude has a hold on me and I’ll admit, it’s hard to
break.”
I didn’t say anything for a while, and with their silence, I could tell that they
were waiting for my reaction. There was so much I wanted to say and ask. I
wanted to know how he could be so dumb. I want to tell him that I thought he
was crazy for giving him another chance, and how I thought that Tyree would
cheat again. I wanted to ask him if he really thought Tyree loved him, ‘cause in
my mind, he didn’t. But then I started to think of myself and Breeze. He had
taken me to hell and back yet, even when I wanted to leave, I stayed by his side.
I realized that we are all at one time or another, crazy for love, and even when
we just like some, we can still be dumb. So I pushed all of my questions and
opinions to the back of my mind and forced them out of my head. How could I
ask questions that I didn’t even have the answers to? How could I feel a certain
way about life when I was doing the same things? That would only make me a
hypocrite. So I shrugged my shoulders in defeat and said, “I understand, but
between us, he’ll always be known as Asshole to me. Here’s to the hearts on
their sleeve club,” I said as I raised my glass of alcohol. They slowly rose theirs,
sipped, and all of the sudden laughed in agreement.
“Quiet as kept,” Jamar said after a long chuckle.
“I call him that at least once a day.”
 *****

I must have spent a good two hours with Jamar and DeeDee just talking and
shooting the shit. I was in disbelief when Jamar told me that he and Tyree were
looking for a new house but I played it off. There was something in me that was
never really that fond about Tyree. He was cool and was Jamar’s boyfriend, but
that’s as far as I went. I didn’t hate him before; it was just that we were never as
close as Jamar and I are. Oh, well, to each his own. I would just have to grin and
bear it for the sake of friendship, especially at the barbecue. Meanwhile Lanell
and I spoke every day. If I wasn’t calling him he was calling me. We talked
about everything under the moon. We didn’t seem to keep anything from each
other. But it did take me a few days to tell him about my run in with Breeze.
“So when did this happen?” he asked as if he knew I had been keeping
secrets.
“A couple of days ago, I just wanted to calm down a little before I brought it
up. He really knows how to work my nerves.”
It wasn’t all a lie.
“I don’t know why you let him affect you so much. If you two are over, than
ignore him. If you don’t talk to that motherfucker than there won’t be a
problem.”
I could hear the annoyance in Lanell’s voice. That was another reason I
didn’t tell him right away. I knew that Breeze bringing up his soon to be ex-wife
would piss him off.
“What do you mean “If” you two are over? There shouldn’t be an “If” in that
sentence.”
Now I was getting upset. How dare he question if Breeze and I were really
over? But he didn’t go for the bait. He ignored my question and continued with
the conversation as if he didn’t hear me. He knew that things could have gotten
out of hand at the rate we were going and wanted to keep things on the right
track.
“So, what are you doing today; you still going to Jamar’s place?”
I sucked my teeth before answering, “Yeah, I have to go and smile with
Tyree as if I can’t stand his ass. I’m just gonna try and stay as far from him as
possible, that way I won’t have to be so fake,” I said with a light chuckle.
“And what are you doing today?” I asked him.
“I’m gonna see if I can get my son today. Kiki knows that it’s my weekend
but she’s always playing game.”
Again annoyance dripped from his voice. I couldn’t think of anything that
would make him feel better about the situation so I just said, “I’m sure it will all
work itself out, for both you and me.”

*****

I was having a really good time laying out by the pool and getting a tan.
There was plenty of liquor and the sun was beaming. I rode with DeeDee since
my house was on the way to Jamar’s new one. We were two fly ass chicks with
our sexy bikinis and perfect hair and make-up. I didn’t know about DeeDee but
there was no way I was getting into the pool, no matter how good that water
looked, and it did look good. I thought about saying “fuck it” a couple of times.
But one good look in the mirror and I changed my mind.
“Look at you two looking like models by the pool, can I get yah anything?”
Jamar asked as I oiled my body.
“Who’s that?” I asked as I notice a cute but clearly gay stranger walking up
behind Jamar. He turned to see who I was talking about but he didn’t make it all
the way around. They guy threw him in the pool without warning. I couldn’t stop
laughing. Thank god he pulled that shit with him because if it were me, we
would have been fighting.
I waited for the unknown guy to turn his head and I was right behind him
pushing him in. Jamar’s face was funny as hell when he hit that water but I
couldn’t let that shit slide. Who threw the party thrower into the pool at his own
house?
“That’s Karma.”
I waved at him and smiled like “Yeah I did it”. He didn’t seem too happy
about it but that was too damn bad.
The day was going perfect. I was feeling good and couldn’t wait to see
Lanell that following week. My money was right and I was headed for the right
track. Life seemed to be looking up and I wasn’t going to let anything bring me
down, but I also didn’t know that Breeze would show up later that afternoon.
DeeDee, Jamar and I sat eating our food when he asked if we had seen or heard
from Ebony. When DeeDee said that she was staying with her I almost choked
up my food. I thought that Jamar would lose his shit but he didn’t. I guess he
realized that he could tell DeeDee who to be friends with. I thought that was
mature of him. After I ate, I went back to lying by the pool and relaxing. I
couldn’t wait for people to start leaving so I could just chill with my two good
friends. I wanted to tell Jamar and DeeDee some more about my plans to move
and ask Jamar if he would come out to Vegas and house hunt with me since he
did such a good job picking out his own. I knew that we would laugh and enjoy
the night’s air as we filled it with smoke, and I couldn’t wait.
“Are you going anywhere after you leave here?” I asked DeeDee.
“No, just home. Bobby said he was working late tonight, so I ain’t doin’ shit.
Why?”
I told her that I was going to ask Jamar if he wanted to hang for a little bit
after everyone left and she thought that it was a good idea.
“Well, I’m gonna check Blaze out and see what he’s holdin’,” she said as she
got off of the lawn chair. I went into my purse and handed her three twenties and
asked her to get me a half. She turned around to go look for Blaze but then
quickly turned back toward me.
“Damn girl, I hate to shit in your ice cream but look whose here, and he’s
coming this way.”
“What are you talking about, who---?”
I didn’t need to continue. I saw for myself as I slid down my dark shades. I
was so damn mad that my body started to shake instantly.
“Hey Jazzy, I got some good news,” he said as I slide my shades back on and
leaned back in the lawn chair. I looked straight ahead and ignored him. He
smiled and spoke as if everything was normal.
“You don’t seem too happy to see me. I’m telling you that I have good
news.”
He actually had the nerve to sit down at the foot of the lawn chair and put his
hand on my thigh. I sat up, removed his hand, and slipped on my cover-up.
“Larry Ziggerman from Hardcore Erotica called and asked us if he could
feature you in one of his films. He ---.”
“I can’t do that, I’m under contract with Fantasy Pictures,” I reminded him.
“That’s what I told him but he offered to triple your pay.”
That shit sounded fishy to me and I let him know it, “Why would he do that?
You know that I’m not into no crazy shit. He’ll want me to get beaten or some
fake snuff shit and I’m not doing it.”
“It’s nothing like that. It will be a straight guy, girl fuck; nothing you haven’t
done before. Maybe a little anal is all.”
 “So, why would he pay all of that money for a simple shoot?”
Breeze went on to tell me that Hardcore Erotica wasn’t doing so well. They
had a fleet of male stars that were killing the porn game but was lacking when it
came to female starlets making a big splash. He said that because of this
dilemma, he was willing to pay any amount of money to me. So after doing the
math and taking out Fantasy Pictures fifteen percent, I was going to come out
okay in the deal. After a few more minutes of going back and forth I grabbed my
things and headed out. He wore me down and the money sounded really good.
Breeze drove and I stayed silent. I didn’t have anything to say to him and
remembered Lanell’s words about staying away from him. He tried to make
small talk but I hardly answered. He must have found this funny because he was
doing a good job of making light of the situation. I guess that’s why I had never
been able to really stay mad at him for long. He knew how to pep up and let
things roll of his back when he wanted. Now why couldn’t he have been like that
all of the time? Oh, well, I had moved on and he was old news. The shoot went
as normal as possible. The white guy I was filming with, Chris Cumming, was
nice and made sure that I was always comfortable. When I saw the size of his
dick, I had to let it be known that there was no way I was doing anal. Everyone
was okay with that except for Breeze. He thought that they were paying me
enough money to have me do whatever they wanted. But when I threatened to
walk off of the set, Larry asked Breeze to let the anal thing go. He knew that
pairing me with his biggest male star would bring big revenue and he didn’t
want to risk losing me. It seemed like everyone knew how valuable I was except
for Breeze, but I didn’t fret. I knew that he would feel the burn once I walked out
of Fantasy Pictures for good. I thought about having him drop me off at Jamar’s
house but I was way too tired. When we got to my building Breeze stopped the
car and looked like he wanted to say something but I didn’t give him a chance. I
jumped out of his car, thanked him and power walked it to my apartment. I
didn’t want to give him a chance to come after me. After a long bath, I called
Lanell and filled him in on my day. I left out the part about Breeze altogether.
Instead of saying that he showed up at the BBQ, I said that he called and that I
had DeeDee drive me to the shoot. I figured that I was lying to keep the peace,
and in my mind, that was always okay.

*****
 The weekend was gone before I knew it. Walking into the warehouse was
becoming a chore. If it weren’t for my friends being there I probably would have
hung myself in the locker room.
“I wonder who I’m filming with,” DeeDee said as we stood at the call sheet.
Neither of us knew who we were working with, not that it would have mattered.
As she looked for herself, I ran my eyes down to my name. I looked and looked
again. I didn’t stop re-checking until DeeDee saw it too and fell out laughing.
“Oh, my god, Jamar, check this shit out.”
He had just arrived to work when DeeDee saw him and called him over.
Their laughter seemed to fade as I went deaf with rage.
“Tanya, I’m set up to do a scene with that bitch?”
I looked over at the two cackling hens and they shook their head in unison.
I had to stop and think. What in the hell was Breeze trying to pull? I knew
that this was one of his games so I decided to play along.
“Aww, come on, Jazzy, don’t be mad, we couldn’t help it,” Jamar said, as I
started to walk off.
“Oh, no, I’m not mad; I think it pretty funny, too.”
“So are you on your way to cuss Breeze out?” DeeDee asked as they caught
up to me.
“Nope, I’m gonna hit the shower, go to hair and make-up, get the script, than
hit the set. If this is what he wants, this is what he will get.”
Jamar and DeeDee stopped walking and looked at each other in wonder.
They didn’t know if I had gone crazy or if I was joking, but they both knew that
they were going to be there to see how things would go down.

*****

The movie was simple. It was kind of a play on Baby Bi the Way, except for
Tanya would be the one catching me with her man. There were some parts that
called for her to touch me and even one that called for her to use a dildo on me
with a little tongue action. Breeze knew that I wasn’t into girl on girl and once I
hit the set, I reminded him so.
“I’m okay with most of this but you know I don’t do girl-girl,” I said with
my hand on my hip. I had a major attitude and wasn’t afraid to let it show.
 “I’m so fucking sick of you bitching, you’re here to do a job so shut the fuck
up and do it. I could care less about you not liking girl-girl scenes; today that
doesn’t matter ‘cause you’re doing it.”
His tone was nasty but he had a smile on his face. I realized that I was
feeding the beast and decided to lay off. I walked away from him and went over
to DeeDee and Jamar.
“He thinks that he’s got me but I’ll show him. I’m gonna play this fucking
game better than he does.”
“So does that mean you’re gonna go through with it, you’re really gonna film
with her?”
Jamar asked as if he was hanging off of his seat waiting for the answer.
“Yeah, I’m gonna do it, but if this shit gets too crazy, I’m walking off. I
don’t give a shit about a fine, if this bitch tries to get cute, I’m done.”
Their mouths hung open with disbelief. It was a big no-no to walk off of a
set. It would be a waste of money for the company if an actor did so, therefore
you would be fined. But, I didn’t care; I would pay a million dollars just to prove
a point.
Everything started out okay. Tanya and I were filming with Phill Driver, a
nice looking Spanish guy who the ladies loved to fuck. He was a Sauvé dude
who didn’t have sex like he had something to prove. He was one of those rare
actors who were into pleasing whomever he worked with. He played with your
tits and ate pussy like a champ. He had a nice ten inch dick that he worked at a
nice pace. At first, Tanya would come in and stand behind the door furious that
her man was in bed sexing me down, but the more she stood there and watched
the more she got turned on. She joined us in bed as we pleasured him to no end.
Then her hands would venture on to my side of the bed first massaging my
nipples then squeezing my ass. As I watched her, she seemed to be enjoying it.
She got off of Phill and got on top of me. I looked at her and hoped that the hate
I felt for her wasn’t showing on my face. She leaned down and licked my neck
and nibbled on my earlobe. I was starting to relax under her touch when she
started whispering in my ear.
“Yeah, that’s right; get that pussy nice and wet. Look at you moaning and
trembling under my touch. I’m about to show you how a real star fucks. You
ain’t no pro; watch and learn.”
I pushed her off of me and played it off by turning around and jumping onto
Phill. I could feel his hard dick rubbing against my pulsating pussy and it turned
me on. I tried to block her out as I reached down and slide his dick in.
 “CUT, what the fuck are you doing? I didn’t say it was time to fuck yet. You
get back on your back, and Tanya, get back on top of her.”
I rolled my eyes and hopped off Phill’s dick. I retook my position on the bed
and waited for Tanya to get back on top of me. She went back to touching and
licking and did just about anything to please the director. When it was time for
her to “lick the plate” I tightened up. It was like she left a burn mark everywhere
she touched me. My skin was not on fire because she hurt me in anyway, it was
on fire with disdain. I had never really hated anyone with all of my soul but
Tanya brought me close to it. As she “ate my box” I felt nothing when I
normally would have been climbing the walls. But I played it off and let out the
normal porno yells and screams. When she was done, Breeze finally told me to
fuck Phill; and I did it with much pleasure, but it didn’t last long. Breeze had
him pull out and told Tanya to get the toys. I waited for her to come back with
the rabbit the script called for.
“Does she need any lube?” Breeze asked from his director’s chair.
“No, just like a good little hoe, she stays wet,” Tanya called back out.
Breeze called action and she turned on the toy. I knew that although I hated
this chick, I was about to cum and cum hard. I closed my eyes and pictured
Lanell’s tongue against my clit. I pictured his hard dick going in and out of me
as he rubbed my clit, and Tanya’s words seemed irrelevant by that point.
Thoughts of Lanell had taken over not only my mind but also my body.
“It feels so good, huh, is it as good as when my man has his dick up in your
ass?”
I didn’t answer nor did I open my eyes. I heard Breeze tell her to take it easy
as the toy stopped pleasuring me. I waited, with my mind on my one true love,
with my eyes tightly closed, and his face etched in my mind. But I was not ready
for what came next. I felt a sharp pain. My pussy was really on fire. I screamed
out, stuck, unable to move.
“Oh, hell no, Breeze, that’s some fucked up shit. I’m about to kill that bitch
myself.”
I heard DeeDee say. When I looked down, the huge black dildo was still in
me. I could not move; all I could do was scream. I heard footsteps coming
toward me, it sounded like everyone was standing on the set. They called for the
nurse who was always there and waited for her to come down. I could hear
DeeDee on the phone with Mr. Cappello telling him what Tanya did. It was a
madhouse with Breeze in the background cursing at Tanya and Jamar trying to
hold DeeDee so that she really wouldn’t kill Tanya. As for me, I just laid there
wishing that I had never come back to Fantasy Pictures.

*****

“Are you okay?” Jamar asked as I lay in the nurse’s office. When she came
down to the set and called the doctor in, he was able to remove the toy Tanya
had rammed inside of me without much more pain than I was already in. He told
me that I had a small, one-inch tear on my vaginal wall and that I should watch
the bleeding for another hour or so. If it didn’t subside, I should go to the
hospital for stitches. He gave me some strong pain pills and told the nurse to
give me an ice pack.
“I don’t give a shit what that bitch says, she did it on purpose. You should
have seen her face right before she did it. It was kind of crazy to tell you the
truth.”
I didn’t say anything. The three Percocet I took had kicked in and the pain I
had endured was a far thought, for now. DeeDee came in about an hour later and
they both just sat with me. Thirty minutes after that, her phone rang and she had
a quick conversation before hanging up.
“Bobby’s here and he said that if you can, I should wheel you up to his
office. Tanya and Breeze are already in there.”
I really didn’t feel like getting up at all but I knew that Mr. Cappello would
be on my side. I told DeeDee that I could make it on my own even though I was
a little wobbly when I got up. Both she and Jamar rushed to my side but I held
my hand up.
“Nope, I got it. Be back soon.”
I made my way to Mr. Cappello’s office slowly. The Percocet had me fucked
up and I was enjoying the high. The doctor had given me fifteen of them and I
was sure that within a couple of days, they would be all gone.
“DO YOU THINK THAT I AM CRAZY? I WOULD NEVER HURT
THAT GIRL ON PURPOSE! I JUST GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY IS
ALL!”
I stood behind the office door listening to Tanya lie. I could tell that she was
crying and carrying on. She sounded so sincere that I would have given her an
A. I pushed the office door open without knocking and took a seat. I didn’t offer
them any words, because really I didn’t care to. I wanted to kill Tanya and no
amount of talking was going to change my mind. So I sat there and listened to
them bicker and found it to quite amusing. Tanya was playing her part as the
victim, Breeze was stuck between defending her and somehow knowing that she
wasn’t so innocent. He was there and saw what everyone else saw. He
recognized the evil that slid across her face before she violated me, but he
wouldn’t tell his father that. He sure as hell wasn’t going to take up for me after
the way I had been treating him. He would wait until he got home to chastise her
and save her and himself from public embarrassment.
“What would you like to see happen, Jazzy?”
CappelloMr. Cappello wiped the sweat from his brow and waited for me to
answer. His face was beat red with anger and I could tell that he was just waiting
for my word. If I wanted Tanya gone, subsequently she would be. I just sat there
and looked at how pitiful Breeze looked. Sitting over there in the chair all
coward like, my mind went off track as I looked at him and tried to see what I
had ever seen in him. Mr. Cappello got out of his chair and walked over to a
picture and pulled it off of the wall. Behind it was a safe and I watched him enter
the numbers 09-19-28-63 into the key pad. I knew that I would remember the
code because my mind had a weird way of holding on to numbers. I watched
him take out four stacks of bills and placed them on his desk.
“I will buy this rotten bitch out of her contract right now Jazzy, but I’m
leaving the choice to you.”
I looked over at Tanya and for some reason unbeknownst to me, the craziest
shit I’ve ever said came out of my mouth. I didn’t even know at that moment
that I had bigger plans for her. Sure I knew that I was going to fuck her up, there
was not getting around that. So I knew that I needed her to stick around. But I
didn’t know the genius plan that would pop into my head for her.
“No, it’s okay. I don’t think that she meant to do it.”
No one was more shocked than Tanya. Mr. Cappello looked so disappointed,
but I figured hey, I would be out of there soon so to hell with all of them, and
before I left, I would fuck her with a bigger dildo then she had used on me,
metaphorically.
I got up to leave without another word. The pain was starting to peek its way
through the foggy haze of pills that gave me comfort and I need to re-up, but
something told me that I should listen behind the door once I left. Again I heard
Mr. Cappello spiting nasty words at both Breeze and his lover. Then over the
intercom I heard a code red being called. That meant that a big fight was getting
out of hand. Then I heard DeeDee’s name being mentioned. I slipped behind the
door as it swung open and waited for all three to clear out. I was about to walk
away when something hit me. I made my way into the office and looked around.
I saw two cameras with wires that led to an old style VHS player. I shook my
head and smiled. Mr. Cappello should have stepped up his security game. I
popped the tape out of the machine and slide it in the waist of my pants. I then
walked over to the picture with the safe behind it and pulled it off of the wall. I
stood there for a few seconds as I was hit with a jolt of pain in-between my legs.
It was as if I was outside of my body watching myself. I didn’t want to steal
from Mr. Cappello but I wanted to fuck them over as I left. I didn’t really need
the money but I knew that taking it from them would drive them crazy.
“I’ll be right back; I left my purse in your father’s office,” I heard Tanya say
as her heels clicked closer. I put the picture back on the wall quickly and ran into
the private bathroom that was in Mr. Cappello’s office. I pushed the door closed
making sure to leave a thin crack so that I could watch her to make sure when
she left. I watched as she looked around, saw her purse, and turned to leave, but
then she stopped. I watched as she looked around then walked back over to the
desk. She took another look around the room before lifting one of the stacks of
bills that was taken out of the safe. She thumbed through it before putting it into
her bag. She then walked over to the VHS player and pushed eject. When
nothing came out, she stood up straight, fixed her skimpy skirt and headed out,
closing the door behind her. I ran out of the bathroom, took the picture back
down and pushed in the code. The safe opened and I took all ten stacks of the
money. They all had a band around them that said $10,000. I put all of the
money in my waist band beside the tape and headed out. As I walked back to the
nurse’s room, that’s when it hit me, Tanya’s ass was grass.

*****

“What did DeeDee get herself into?” I asked as I went into my purse and
popped two more pills.
“All I know is that she said she was going to her locker, the next thing I
know the nurse is running out of here. When I asked her what was wrong, she
said that DeeDee was fighting again and that she had to go back to the set.”
I smiled. That girl was something else, and I loved her for that reason. After
taking my pills, I walked over to the nurse’s desk and took the plastic grocery
bag that was sitting on her desk. I walked back over to the bed and emptied my
purse. Once I was done I started to take out the money I had stuffed in my pants
as if it belonged to me.
“Where in the fuck did you get all of that money, Jazz? Did you make them
pay you for what Tanya did to you?” Jamar asked with eyes wide and happy. I
felt bad that I was about to involve him in my plan but I needed him. After
putting the money in my purse and my belongings in the plastic bag I sat on the
bed. I didn’t have long so I spoke fast. I went over what happened in the office
with Breeze, Tanya, and his dad, then I told him about me eavesdropping and
how I slipped back into the office. I told him how Tanya’s thieving ass stole a
stack of bills off of Mr. Cappello’s desk, and finally how I opened the safe and
cleared it of everything that it held.
“Are you fucking crazy?” he asked as he stood up.
“Wait, I’m not done. I have something to ask you. I need your help.”
He looked frightened, as if I had asked him to help me burry Tanya’s body or
something. But like a good friend, he sat down and listened.
“I need you to look out for me while I go into the locker room.”
“Why in the hell do you need a look out, what’s in there?”
I sat on the edge of the bed and slide the melting ice pack between my legs.
“Tanya’s locker is in there, I’m gonna put the money in it.”
Jamar started to pace the room. I looked at my watch and realized that the
fight would only keep them busy for so long and I needed to move quickly.
“Come on, Jamar; if I’m gonna do this, I need to do it now.”
He looked at me and the ice pack I held on my throbbing pussy and took my
hand.
“Come on, bitch, you owe me a couple of blunts after this.”
I smiled as we hurried to the ladies locker room.
I am a firm believer in fate and karma. It was as if the universe aligned and
gave us clear passage to set that bitch up, after all, she was a thief. The locker
room which usually buzzed with people and noise was like a ghost town. I
walked through every row expecting to see a face or two but no one was there. I
hurried back out and asked Jamar for my purse. As I turned around the pain hit
me like a ton of rocks. I leaned against the wall and told Jamar that I needed a
minute.
“Are you okay?” he asked with concern written all over his face.
“Yeah, I just have to stand here a minute.”
“Sorry to say but you don’t have a minute.”
 I watched him look around and think for a second. He reached for the purse
he had just given me and unzipped it.
“What are the locker number and combo?”
That was an easy one. I guess she was so in love with Breeze that her lock
combination was his birthday, instead of the year 1980, she put 08.
“Locker 11 and the combo is 06-01-08. Don’t leave the purse; just stick the
money on the top shelf. Try not to touch the inside of the locker so that you can
wipe off the outside of it and the lock,” I said handing him the towel that was
wrapped around the ice bag. As I stood there waiting for him to come out, I
smiled. I smiled because of two things. One, I was setting Tanya up with a knife
that was dipped in Novocain. She wouldn’t know what hit her until the knife was
deep down in her flesh, and by then it would be too late, the damage would be
done. The second reason was because of Jamar. Only a friend would put his neck
on the line for you. Only a true friend would take the gun out of your hand and
do the actual shooting. In a way, that’s what he did for me. He saw that I was
wounded and hurt. He knew that I was too weak to hold myself up and
hypothetically speaking, pull the trigger, so he did it for me. He came out and
wrapped his arms around my waist to help support me. As we walked back to the
nurse’s office, he leaned into me, kissed my forehead, and then said, “It’s done.”
I took a deep breath and waited for fate to take its course, it just needed a
little help from me and Jamar, and we sure as hell gave it the little push it
needed.
 Chapter 22

“Did you invite him over here?”

After Karma and I finished filming our scene together I took a quick shower.
Once I was dried off I walked over to my locker in just my towel and sandals. As
I opened my locker and reached for my boxer briefs and jeans, someone
snatched off my towel.
“Let me see that ass boy,” Karma said smiling as he stood there in a black
thong that I wouldn’t be caught dead in, holding my towel.
“There you go scaring me again. One of these days, I’m going to fuck you
up,” I said, as I snatched my towel back and snapped it forward, hitting him with
it, and then pulling it back very quickly.
“OUCH! That shit stung. Damn, boo I was just playing with you.”
“See what happens when you play with fire?”
“No, because Blaze doesn’t do that when I play with him, but I get what
you’re saying, you’re hot Krave. You must work out and do squats every day
because your body is sickening, and you have a phat ass.”
“Thanks, but I only workout two or three times a week.”
“You worked me out today, that’s for sure.”
“You liked it, huh?” I said as I smirked because I already knew his freak ass
did. How could he not?
“Hell yeah, you raped my ass. I can finally scratch that fantasy off my to-do
list,” he said jokingly before laughing.
“Good! Maybe next time you’ll get to really show me what you can do since
I was in charge and did most of the work today.”
“You already know. Anyway I’m about to get outta here, but before I leave I
wanted to invite you out to dinner tonight. Is 7:00 PM okay with you?”
I might’ve taken his cocky ass up on his offer, because who doesn’t want to
be taken out to dinner, but I had already made plans with Tyree.
 “I wish I could, but I’m actually leaving here, and going grocery shopping. I
promised Tyree I’d make his favorite meal tonight.”
“It’s cool, but you shouldn’t have told me you could cook too,” he said as he
stood there with his hands on his hips.
“Well, I’m not a chef, or anything like that, but I can do a little something in
the kitchen.”
“I’ve tasted your dick, now I just need to taste your cooking to see if it’s just
as good.”
“You will one of these days.”
“Hopefully sooner than you think,” I had to get going otherwise Tyree and I
would’ve had a late dinner, so I wrapped that conversation up.
“I’ll see you later Karma, but before I go, I need to know. What the hell are
you wearing?” I said as I laughed out loud.
“Men’s thongs, we’re porn stars Krave. Get into it.”
I watched as he smacked his ass then strutted like he was on runway over to
his locker. All I could do was smile and shake my head.
By the time I left work it was late in the afternoon, but I still got caught up in
traffic. I sent Tyree a text letting him know I was on my way to the store, and
then I’d be home. I finally made it over to the super market closest to our house.
I brought everything I needed to make some extra meaty spaghetti, and a
pineapple upside down cake for dessert. I knew Tyree liked my spaghetti since
he requested it, but I couldn’t wait for him to taste the cake. I was a little nervous
though since it had been going on almost two years since I baked anything.
Since I was cooking for my man I wanted it to be perfect. I rushed home from
the grocery store and to my surprise Blaze’s Range Rover was parked across the
street from my house. Either he knew my neighbors, he didn’t want to park in
front of my house, or he was watching my house. I slowly drove past trying to
look through the tent on the windows to see if he was in the truck. I was going to
ask him if he needed something but I didn’t see him. I pulled into my driveway,
pushed the button in my truck that opened up the gate and garage, parked, and
then walked inside excited to spend the evening with Tyree. I put the groceries
on the kitchen counter, and then started walking toward the living room to let
him know I was home. I could smell the weed coming from the other side of the
house all the way in the kitchen. I told his ass to light some candles or incense
while smoking so the house would always smell good. I thought about getting on
him about it when I entered the living room but I didn’t want to start an
argument. I wanted us to enjoy our night, but when I saw Karma sitting on my
couch playing video games with Tyree I knew at least one of us wasn’t going to
enjoy it. The first thing I thought was what the hell is he doing here? I told him I
was making dinner for Tyree tonight.
“Hey baby, did you get everything you needed from the store?” Tyree asked
not even looking up from the television.
“Hey!” I said so quietly that I don’t think even he heard me.
“I would ask you about your day, but Karma here already told me all about
it. He said the movie y'all did is going to be a big money maker.”
I couldn’t believe Karma had the nerve to show up at my house, chill with
my man, and then tell him basically how good our sex scene went. Who the hell
does that? Tyree and I don’t even talk about our scenes unless we’re in them
together. I needed a minute to gather my thoughts before I confronted Karma.
“Oh, he did, did he? Well I’ll be in the kitchen preparing dinner. When you
get a minute I need your help with something,” I said to Tyree, but I was lying. I
didn’t need his help with anything. I wanted to know if he invited Karma over,
or if he just showed up.
I was preparing the hamburger meat when Tyree walked in the kitchen. He
was looking at me like what do you want, I need to get back to my game.
“Did you invite him over here?”
“No, he said you invited him. He’s cool as shit; we’ve been playing the new
Mortal Kombat game and getting high since he got here.”
“WHAT?” I was shocked. I couldn’t believe he lied to Tyree. “That dude is a
little off. I never invited him here. As a matter of fact, he invited me out to eat,
but I told him we were having dinner together, and you mean to tell me he
showed up to our house anyway. That’s fucking crazy if you ask me,” I said as I
shook my head while stirring up the meat.
“Jamar, why are you over reacting?”
I couldn’t believe Tyree thought I was over reacting. I turned around so fast
that I almost knocked the meat off the stove, because now I was pissed and I had
an attitude.
“I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOUR ASS WHY.”
“Damn baby, calm down. You’re wrong. I was just messing with you. I
called Blaze earlier and asked him to bring us an ounce. He was busy, and since
Karma had his truck, he sent him over here with it.”
“That’s fucked up, Tyree, you got me, and now I feel stupid.”
“I don’t want to say you should feel stupid, but you definitely should feel
bad. It’s late so go ahead and make enough for all of us. I’m sure he’s got the
munchies and hungry too.”
“Are you sure? I thought we were going to have a nice dinner alone.”
“Yes, I’m sure. We can do that some other night.”
I felt bad for having negative thoughts about Karma at first, but then I was
really disappointed. It had been a few weeks since Tyree and I had a home
cooked meal alone. I took my time, preparing, seasoning, and cooking
everything now that I was cooking for three. I didn’t know if Karma would like
my cooking, but one thing that I knew for sure was they weren’t going to be the
only ones enjoying their dinner high. I walked into the living room, officially
invited Karma to dinner, and then I grabbed the ashtray with their blunt in it, that
they were letting burn, wasting it, while they played the game.
“I’m taking the rest of this because you could’ve at least rolled me a blunt
Tyree. I’ve been in the kitchen making a delicious dinner, which by the way will
be ready in a few minutes,”
I said as I walked back toward the kitchen.
“You got it,” I heard Tyree say right before they laughed me out.
I finished cooking the food, tasted it first before serving it, and it turned out
just the way I like it. I thought we were all going to eat at the table and talk like
regular folks, but they decided to eat in the living room while they watched the
game. It seemed like Tyree had found a new friend. I’m not into sports so I ate at
the table alone while I checked my email, and replied back to some fan mail.
After I sent about the thirtieth e-mail saying, “Thanks for the love and support.
Krave.” I came across an interesting e-mail that said, “I met you before at one of
your club appearances, but I would love to officially meet you, and spend some
one-on-one time together. If it leads to anything else so be it. Money isn’t an
issue, so just name your price.” I was curious to know who it was. I've met so
many people at club appearances that it would've been impossible to figure it out
on my own. I emailed whoever it was back saying, “Who is this? I'm definitely
interested and curious to know who you are. Are you a cop, detective, or
someone trying to entrap me in anyway?” As I clicked on the send button Tyree
walked in asking about the cake.
“I'll cut it now, and bring it in there to you.”
I cut Tyree and Karma each a big piece of cake, and put the rest away. I was
too excited about the e-mail that I wasn't hungry anymore. Tyree turned into the
biggest pothead I know, he was rolling another blunt as I sat the plates down on
the coffee table. They were still watching the Lakers play, so I headed back to
the kitchen with their dinner dishes. As I put the dishes in the sink my
BlackBerry alerted me that I received another e-mail. I looked and it was from
the same e-mail address, daddiesboys@yahoo.com Damn, that was quick; I
thought it would take at least a day or two to get a response. He replied, “I don’t
feel comfortable saying who I am in writing, but you can trust and believe that I
do not work for any type of law enforcement, and I’m not trying to entrap you.
What you should know is that I’m a very wealthy man. Also, please don’t be
offended when I say this, but I would love to hire you as an escort. If you’re not
into that, then please accept my apologies. I would still enjoy spending the day
with you either way. Yours Truly, P.V.”
P.V. had my full attention, whoever he was, but at the same time I was still
nervous about meeting him. As an escort, I’ve never gone alone; Tyree and I
were always hired together. I thought about it for a while as I replied to other
emails. Finally I came to the conclusion that I didn't really need the money, and I
didn't want to meet him alone, however I still felt bad for turning him down so I
thought if I gave him a ridiculously high amount he'd turn me down instead. I
also wanted to make some strict rules hoping to turn him off, so I replied back,
“My fee is $50,000, I'm strictly a top, and I don't kiss, rim, or cuddle. Also, I will
only be free Saturday afternoon till Saturday evening. Let me know what you're
interested in doing before we meet…IF we meet.” Before I could send the email
Karma walked in the kitchen with their dessert dishes.
“I must say, Jamar, that food was really good, especially the cake, it hit the
spot. My grandmother would say you put your foot in it.”
“Good, I'm glad you liked it.”
“The only thing that was missing though was you. I couldn't believe you
didn't eat with us, and left me in there. I was stuck watching basketball, YUCK-
O. I was bored out of my mind. Thank God for the weed.”
I didn't see that coming. Every time I walked in the living room they seemed
like they were having fun and enjoying themselves.
“You should've eaten in here with me then.”
“I wanted to but Tyree seemed like he needed a friend. Don't get me wrong,
he’s cool and all, but he's such a man's man, literally. He wanted to play video
games, and watch sports. I was waiting for him to start talking about cars and
shit. Shoot give me a blunt, a good book, put on some reality TV, a funny movie,
or some porn and I'm entertained.”
“Well Tyree was telling me earlier that he likes chilling with you and thinks
you’re cool.”
“Yea, I know.”
 “How? Did Tyree tell you himself?”
“No, I overheard your conversation, so I also know you thought I was a little
off and crazy.”
WOW I WAS BUSTED! Why the hell was he even listening? The more I
thought about it, I was convinced he was a crazy.
“Anyway I’m not crazy. Maybe a little crazy about you sexy, but Blaze just
sent me a text saying he needs his truck back so I have to go. I wish I could stay
the night, but I have to get home to my man.”
“Your man? Since when?” I asked.
I was confused, because I knew Karma and Blaze were cool, but I had no
idea they were dating. As much as Blaze gets around and likes to bottom I didn’t
think Karma would be his type of man.
“Oh, Blaze didn’t tell you he let me move in with him? We’re basically
dating. Hell, you should know better than anyone else, nobody is going to date a
porn star unless they’re in the porn business themselves.”
“No, Blaze definitely didn’t tell me that.”
“Well, I’d rather date you, but I guess Blaze is cool for now. Anyway thanks
for dinner, speaking of which I didn’t have the kind of dinner I wanted with you,
but technically we still had dinner together. I can always find a way to get what I
want.”
“Bye, boy,” I said as I watched him walk out the front door. His weird ass
was starting to get on my nerves. I was happy to finally see him go. I walked
back over to my cell phone and replied back to P.V., and just like the first one he
answered me right back. I pictured some rich pervert sitting at his desk
anticipating my responses. I hoped he wasn’t too disappointed, but too my
surprise he said and I quote “I’d feel like the luckiest man alive if you spent the
day with me.” He made it known that he wanted us to get to know each other,
have lunch, have some drinks, do some lines of coke, then go down to his
dungeon themed basement so I could dominate him and make him my bitch. He
insisted on sending a stretch limo to my house to pick me, and he’d have the
cash for me upon arrival. I wasn’t interested in doing lines, so I knew I’d have to
bring a blunt or two. I told him to have the limo service call me so I could give
them my address, because I didn’t feel comfortable with him knowing where I
lived at. Besides pretending like I was raping Karma, I’ve never been rough or
dominated anyone so I knew it was going to be a challenge, but for fifty
thousand dollars I knew I was going to put my “acting” skills to good use. I had
a few days to prepare for what I had in mind.
 *****

The next day started out like any other day in the life of a porn star, wake up,
work out, shower, then suck and fuck on cue for what seems like hours, but if
you’re anything like me you love it. I filmed my scene early in the morning so
by the time I was leaving, the afternoon crew was arriving. I saw Jasmine and
DeeDee looking over the call sheet. DeeDee looked like she was about to lose it
and bust a gut, while Miss Jasmine on the other hand looked like she just read an
old friend’s obituary, and was devastated. Before I could say anything DeeDee
called me over.
“Oh, my God, Jamar, check this shit out.”
When I read Jasmine and Tanya’s name on the same line I started to die, not
because it was funny but because it was shocking. I know Mr. Cappello didn’t
cast that shit, so why would Breeze do such a thing, knowing how much they
hate each other? I tried to stop laughing but every time DeeDee let out her
contagious hearty laugh I’d lose it some more. Jasmine looked at us then
stormed off. I started to feel bad for my friend, because I put myself in her shoes,
and I’d probably quit before I allowed Breeze to make me work with Ebony.
“Aww, come on, Jazzy, don’t be mad. We couldn’t help it.”
After she confirmed that she wasn’t mad, and was going to go through with
the film, I looked at DeeDee with the did-I-just-hear-that face. She confirmed by
saying, “Oh, I got to see this shit.”
After a long day I was so ready to leave, but for once I didn’t want to hear
the gossip, I wanted to witness it. I followed DeeDee to the set and talked while
Jazzy and Tanya were in hair and makeup.
“Do you think she’s really going to go through with this? Jazzy doesn’t even
like girl on girl action, let alone with that big bird looking bitch.”
“Hell if I know, but I ain’t gon’ miss it, and I wish someone would tell me to
leave the set. I'm a flip out and beat a bitch like Chris Brown up in here.”
“Damnnn, DeeDee, you’re serious. Watch out now.”
“No, you don’t understand Jamar, Tanya’s known to tell everyone who isn’t
working on the film to get away from the set like she’s the director or the
H.B.I.C. up in here, when we all know Breeze is the head bitch in charge. As
soon as she comes out, I’m going to give her the don’t-even-try-it-bitch-cuz-I-
ain’t-going-nowhere look.”
“Well fuck it, if you’re not leaving than neither am I.”
“No, you’re good. Jasmine will have our backs if it comes to that.”
Tanya walked out of hair and makeup first as if she owned the place and as
she approached the set she stopped, and then started to say something but when
she saw DeeDee put her hands on her hips and give her the I-dare-you-to-say-
something-bitch face, Tanya just rolled her eyes and walked over to the side of
the set to look over the script. Fifteen minutes later, Jasmine walked out looking
fierce. She was wearing sexy, form-fitting lingerie with some hot Christian
Louboutin, shiny, black Lady Peep platforms with the signature red bottoms.
Tanya looked good, like every other typical female porn star, but she couldn't
even be compared to Jasmine. All the crew members instantly stopped what they
were doing and were damn near drooling over Jasmine. I'm sure they were
wishing and fantasizing they were the guy about to have sex with her because I
could see that some of them already had hard dicks in their pants. Jazzy although
sexy, looked serious and focused as she walked onto the set without even
noticing us or anyone else. DeeDee and I looked on as she got into it with
Breeze about the script, you could definitely feel the tension between those two.
Breeze was being a dick as usual. Jasmine finally acknowledged us and walked
on over. She let it be known that if she didn’t like the way things were going she
was walking out and leaving. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want to see
that happen, but at the same time I was hoping my friend didn’t do anything
stupid. I’d hate to see her get fired, or pay a huge fine. As I stood there and
watched I couldn’t believe how good Jasmine’s acting skills were. If I didn’t
know any better I would’ve thought she was enjoying every minute of her
interaction with Tanya, until Tanya rammed the biggest black dildo I have ever
seen inside her. Even though Tanya looked like the Devil in disguise I don’t
even think Hell could predict she was going to do that. Jasmine screamed so
loud that it echoed throughout the warehouse. Everyone charged the set to help
her, and I wanted to as well but DeeDee said she was about to kill that bitch so I
had to grab her before she charged Tanya.
“Where’s my cell phone? I need to call Bobby, that bitch is trifling and needs
her ass beat,” DeeDee stated as she grabbed her cell phone out of her purse.
One of the crew members ran off the set to get the nurse as Breeze was
yelling, DeeDee was screaming, Jasmine looked like she was in so much pain
but scared to move, and Tanya’s evil ass was acting all innocent like she didn’t
do anything wrong. I stood there staring at the dildo stuck inside my friend lost
for words, and didn’t know what to do. I knew I wanted to take that dildo and
shove it down Tanya’s lying throat, but I knew that wouldn’t look good on my
part.
I tried consoling Jasmine as much as I could in the nurse’s office, while I
was convinced Tanya did it on purpose. It was on tape for God’s sake, anyone
who watched the film could see the hatred in her intentions. I turned away as the
doctor removed the dildo, but made sure to stick around with her as long as she
needed me. I would’ve stayed there with her all night if she asked me to.
DeeDee joined us and made sure Jasmine was okay. She said she was going to
get Tanya back for Jasmine the first chance she got. A little while later DeeDee
got a call, Mr. Cappello needed to see Jasmine in his office. Now why in the hell
would anyone make someone with a torn pussy walk to them, let alone up some
stairs? I started to tell DeeDee to call him back and tell him they needed to have
the meeting in the nurse’s office, but Jasmine stopped me and insisted that it was
fine. Jasmine asked us to watch her purse until she returned. I started to make
small talk with DeeDee as she walked away, but DeeDee cut me off.
“Watch Jazzy’s purse. I need to get something out of my locker.”
I waited and wondered what was happening up in the boss’s office. I was
hoping he was firing Tanya, but I had a hard time believing that was possible
since that was Breeze’s main piece of ass. I started to text Tyree and let him
know what was going on when the sirens started going off. Another crew
member ran into the nurse’s office yelling.
“Nurse, I think we need you on the set again. DeeDee is fucking them white
girls up.”
Damn I can’t leave that girl alone for a second without her getting into it
with someone. I ran out behind the nurse but as I saw the crew members pulling
the girls apart I realized I forgot Jasmine’s purse and missed the good shit
anyway, so I headed back to the nurse’s office to wait for Jasmine. I passed
Breeze, Tanya, and Mr. Cappello running toward the warehouse, so I expected to
see Jasmine any minute. When she finally came back into the nurse’s office she
was walking slower than usual. I could only imagine the pain she was in. I filled
her in on what little bit of information I had about DeeDee fighting. I expected
DeeDee to storm in and tell us all about it, but what I didn’t expect was Jasmine
pulling stakes of money out of her pants.
“Where in the fuck did you get all of that money Jazz? Did you make them
pay you for what Tanya did to you?”
She filled me in on what she did, and what she intended to do with the
money. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe my friend had the balls to steal from
Fantasy Pictures after everything they’ve done for her, and was going to frame
Tanya for it. I understand she was mad at Tanya, but I thought she was crazy.
This wasn’t the Jasmine I knew. I thought all of those pain pills were forcing her
to think irrationally. I paced the room trying to decide if I was going to help my
friend, or if I was going to stay out of it. My life was perfect, so I didn’t want to
do anything to compromise it.
“Come on, Jamar; if I’m gonna do this, I need to do it now.”
I turned around and saw that Jazzy was still in pain, and that there was no
way she was going to be able to do this on her own without getting caught if she
didn’t have a look out. FUCK!!!!! She was lucky I loved her. I held the purse
full of money, as I waited impatiently outside of the woman’s locker room as she
checked to make sure the coast was clear. I was starting to get nervous, and was
about to open the door and yell for her when she came back out almost hitting
me in the face with the door.
“Quick, give me the purse.”
I handed Jasmine the purse and was relieved I was no longer in possession of
the stolen cash. I couldn’t wait for Jasmine to get it over with so we could get
away from there but she obviously needed to rest. She needed a minute before
heading back in the locker room, but there was no time for that. I knew I needed
to take charge if I didn’t want my friend getting caught, fired, or worst arrested. I
looked around to make sure no one was looking before reaching for the purse. I
asked her for Tanya’s locker number, and the combination.
“Locker 11 and the combo is 06-01-78. Don’t leave the purse; just stick the
money on the top shelf. Try not to touch the inside of the locker so that you can
wipe off the outside of it when you’re finished.”
The women’s locker room was much bigger and designed differently than
the men’s, so I didn’t know where to go. I ran around like a chicken with his
head cut off. I didn’t know which way to run. I was panicking and sweating so
badly that I actually ran passed Tanya’s locker twice. Once I realized it, I felt
like a dumb ass, so I turned around and ran back until I found it. I slowly turned
the lock, making sure to get every number right on the first try since I wasted too
much time already. Damn, that bitch was messy; it looked like she just threw
everything in her locker. I put the money on the top shelf and then covered it up
with a couple of the shirts that were on the bottom of her locker. I wanted to
make sure if she needed anything out of her locker, she didn’t see the money and
remove it before anyone else noticed it. I slammed her locker shut, wiped it
down, and then ran out of there like a bat out of hell. Thankfully, no one was
around when I finally made it back out. Jasmine smiled at me as I quickly
wrapped my hands around her waist and got her away from there. I didn’t want
anyone telling Mr. Cappello they saw us hanging around the locker room if
anything went down. She looked over at me and even though she was still in
pain, she gave me the biggest smile, so I leaned in and kissed her forehead
before confirming that it was done.
 Chapter 23

“What in the fuck did you get me into?”

I was thinking about asking Jamar to take me to the hospital once we were
back in the nurse’s office but I didn’t want to miss the “Big Bang”. I popped
another two pills and lay back down as Jamar and I made small talk. Neither of
us brought up what we just did in fear that someone would over hear us. I
secretly prayed that no cameras caught Jamar sneaking into the ladies lock room.
And although I played calm, cool, and collected, my heart was racing a mile a
minute.
“Fuck them bitches, they shouldn’t of been talking shit,” DeeDee said as she
stormed into the room with Mr. Cappello hot on her heels.
“You can’t do this every time someone says something you don’t like. This
is my place of business, Deanna.”
Both Jamar and I looked at each other at the same time. Neither of us needed
to say anything because we knew what the other was thinking. Deanna? We both
knew then where the nickname DeeDee came from. It’s funny how weird it
always seemed once you found out a porn actor’s real name, as if their film
characters were who they are in real life. I knew better than that, but it still
seemed surreal.
“Yeah, I know, but they both were laughing as if what Tanya did was funny,
reenacting that shit as if Jazzy wasn’t really hurt. They saw me walk by; that’s
why they got louder with that shit.”
Mr. Cappello walked over to his chick on the side and put his hand on her
shoulder to calm her down.
“I get what you’re saying, DeeDee, but this has got to stop. There can’t be
any more fights. Hell, if you were anyone else, I would have fired your ass a
long time ago. Keeping you around after you done put your foot in half the girls’
asses just isn’t fair. Just promise me that you’ll try to calm your temper. That’s
all I’m asking.”
Wow, Mr. Cappello sure as hell wasn’t Breeze. He seemed to treat DeeDee
with such respect, as if he knew she wouldn’t accept anything else. There was
tenderness in his heart for her and it showed in the way he spoke to her and
treated her.
She seemed to calm down with each word that came out of his mouth. She
smiled at him and understood his point. Everyone knew that she was his side
piece. We knew that she was somewhat the queen of the warehouse and at times,
she did make him look bad. It was almost as if he allowed her to run amuck, like
a dog without a leash.
“Okay, Bobby, I’ll try, but please, warn them hoes to stay the fuck away
from me and to watch what they say ‘cause I am only human.”
Mr. Cappello laughed and bent down and kissed her lips.
“Let me run up and get my things out of the office; be ready to leave in 10.”
I watched him leave the room and gave Jamar that “Oh, shit” look. It would
be a matter of minutes before it hit him, as the pills took effect, I waited.

*****

The sirens went off as if the warehouse was on fire.

“Attention everyone, this is a lock down, please head to the main set,
attention, this is a lock down, do not attempt to leave, the doors are all locked.”
The voice said over and over again on the speaker system. DeeDee looked at
me, I looked at Jamar, and he looked at her, DeeDee being the only one amongst
the three of us who didn’t know what was going on. They both stood up and
waited for me to move my now very high ass off the cot. It seemed like the pills
I swallowed all night although slowly taking the pain away, had now clouded my
system all at once. I was dazed, my body was loose, and I was really relaxed.
The worry I had before seemed to slip away as euphoria stepped in its place. We
walked to the main set with everyone else and waited to hear what was going on.
First Mr. Cappello walked in followed by his son and four security men. He was
as red as an apple, I guess he never thought that anyone would have the nerve to
steal from him, but come one, who walks away from a stack of money on their
desk? I don’t care what is going on, you make sure that you put it away, let alone
letting anyone see you put in the safe combination.
 “LISTEN UP, I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK WOULD BE CRAZY
ENOUGH TO GO INTO MY OFFICE AND TAKE MONEY OUT OF THERE
BUT IF YOU’RE STILL HERE THEN THAT MEANS THE MONEY IS
HERE TOO. AND I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART BEFORE I LET ANY
OF YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS.”
One of the security men stepped in and patted Mr. Cappello on his back to
try and calm him down. As he yelled, his body shook with anger and his voice
trembled with vengeance.
“So this is what we’re gonna go,” Breeze said as he continued where his dad
left off.
“Women on this side, guys on the other, step behind the tables and empty
your purse and pockets. After that the men will be taken to the locker rooms
followed by the ladies. You will stand in front of your locker without opening
them. Wait for someone to come up to you and then and only then, you will be
told to open the locker, understood?”
Everyone answered yes and went to the designated sides of the room. I
looked over at Jamar and he looked as though his heart was in his mouth
threatening to scream “I did it, I did it”. I looked at him until we locked eyes and
mouthed (relax).
“Damn Jazzy, look at Bobby, my baby looks like his about to lose his shit,
huh? Who would be dumb enough to do that shit, don’t they know that
everything is taped around here?”
“They are?” I asked.
“Girl, yes, Bobby’s not that dumb. Don’t you see those things that look like
fire alarms? Well, they are also cameras. They’re everywhere, hallways, locker
rooms, and even the bathroom, not the stalls but where the sinks are,” she said as
she pointed to one of the fire alarms. FUCK, I messed up now. What am I gonna
say when they go over the tapes? Jamar, they’ll see him putting the money in
Tanya’s locker. Shit, shit, shit.
“Girl, are you okay, you just turned ghost white?”
I grabbed onto the table and help it for support.”
“Yeah, these pills got my dizzy is all, is there a chair around that I could sit
on?”
I looked over at Jamar and he looked as if he could hear DeeDee and my
conversation from where he stood.
After checking the content on the men’s side, I watched as they disappeared.
Jamar gave me one last look as he turned the corner and out of my view. I sat
and waited for my purse content to be looked over as I watched Breeze and two
of the security guard went down the table.
“Where’s your purse, Tanya, why don’t you have anything down in front of
you?”
Breeze asked only to seem fair, I’m sure.
“This is fucking ridiculous, I was with you the whole time, plus, I put it in
my locker.”
I watched as a bead of sweat broke on Tanya’s forehead. After all, she did
take a stack of bills off of the desk. Her heart must have been beating just as fast
as mine by that point.
I watched as Breeze looked at her. He probably wanted to just let her slide
thinking that any woman who dated him had no reason to steal from his father,
but then he remembered what his father said, “Leave no fucking stone
unturned”.
“We’ll check hers once we hit the locker rooms,” he said to the bodyguard
before moving to the next person. Now I don’t know where she put the stack she
took off the desk once she left the office but judging by her face, it must have
still been in her purse. I wanted to laugh as I sat there visualizing her reaction
when the contents of the safe are also found in her locker. Once he got to
DeeDee, she let it be known how she felt about having to stand in line with the
would-be thief.
“Now you know I didn’t take anything from Bobby. I was up here kickin’
ass,” she said, with her hand on her hip.
“As if you haven’t taken enough from him,” Breeze said with disgust
hanging off of his words. She sucked her teeth and said, “FUCK YOU” loud
enough for all of us to hear. He just kept it moving.
“And where are all of your things?” Breeze asked me as he picked my keys
and the pack of gum that were in my pocket.
“That’s all I have on me, the rest is in my locker.”
I wasn’t going to even mention my bag that was left in the nurse’s office; it
had the damn tape in it. He told the guard he spoke to before to put me on the
same list as Tanya. I cringed when her and my name was spoken in the same
sentence, damn I hated her.
“Okay, just have a seat, you all can go once the girl’s locker room and the
rest of the warehouse has been search,” Mr. Cappello said as the men walked
back out. Now everyone else knew what Jamar and I knew all the while, the
money would not be found in the men’s locker room.
 “Okay, ladies. Follow me.”
We all got up and followed Mr. Cappello, Breeze, and two of the bodyguards
in a single file line. Once in the locker room, we all stood by our lockers and
were reminded not to even touch them until someone was standing with us. I
watched as each locker was opened with Breeze and his dad there to oversee the
content inside of them. It seemed with each empty locker, Mr. Cappello’s anger
rose. It was as if he wanted to find the money just to put his nerves at ease,
almost wishing that it would be found in one the countless of lockers they looked
into. I stood by my own almost about to burst. Although I knew that my revenge
may be short lived due to the cameras, I still couldn’t wait for them to hit
Tanya’s locker. I stood there, with them at locker number ten and braced myself
for what was about to happen. Just as I suspected, Tanya’s guilt for taking the
money off of Mr. Cappello’s deck made her speak too soon.
“I have money in my purse but I went to the bank before I came into work.
I’m sure I have the withdrawal slip somewhere in there.”
I watched Mr. Cappello’s eyebrow rise. He turned to Breeze and stared him
down.
“Didn’t you two come in together this morning?” he asked, daring his son to
lie to him with just the curl of his lip and killer like stare.
“Yeah, we came in together,” Breeze answered.
“What bank did you stop at?”
Breeze couldn’t answer his dad’s question because there was no bank stop
this morning. His heart was racing just as fast as Tanya’s and mine. It couldn’t
be! Why would Tanya lie? Would she have the guts to steal from his dad? The
questions burned through his mind and set his nerves on fire. I watched as he
wiped the sweat that was now forming on his brow.
“Open the fucking locker,” Breeze told Tanya between clinched lips. She
picked up the lock and turned to the first number…06, then around passing the
next only to come back to it…01, then she stopped. We all waited to see or hear
what she was going to come up with next but she just stood there.
“What the fuck are you waiting for?” Breeze asked. He knew Tanya and
something was up. She was always bold, yet now she was hesitant. Her hands
shook uncontrollably as the seconds ticked by.
“You got one more fucking second before I yank your ass away from the
locker and pop the lock, OPEN THE GOD-DAMN THING!”
Breeze’s frustration was at an all-time high. All of the conversations, all of
the warnings that were given to him by not only his dad but by other workers at
Fantasy Pictures all fell on deaf ears, and now here he stood, with the one person
he always took up for, about to be publicly disgraced right along with her.
Revenge couldn’t taste any sweeter. She started all over, first the 06, then the 01,
and finally the 08. POP, it was open. She removed the lock and swung the door
open slowly.
“Give me your purse.”
She did as Breeze asked and handed him her purse. It seemed like everyone
in the room was on the edge as we heard the zipper open. He stuck his hand in
and brought it back out, with the 10K stack that she took from Mr. Cappello’s
desk. Everyone gasped, including me. I wish I had a camera to record Tanya’s
reaction. Breeze looked like he wanted to die while his father looked like he had
murder on his mind.
“Okay, wait, let me explain---,” Tanya pleaded, but Mr. Cappello didn’t give
a shit about what she had to say. He pushed her aside and shut her up with the
wave of his hand. He went through her locker like a hurricane. We all watched
as he emptied the bottom half of the locker with rage. The closer he got to the
top half of her locker, the more out of control my breathing and heartbeat
become. My legs trembled and I felt as if I was on the brink of yelling, “THE
TOP; IT’S ALL ON THE TOP HALF OF THE LOCKER.” But, I just waited
like everyone else. On the top shelf were a few shirts, neatly folded. I knew that
was Jamar’s doing because Tanya’s locker was always a mess. Nothing was ever
folded in there. I watched Mr. Cappello pick up the shirts and throw them behind
him. Then, he stopped. He didn’t move or say a word. His body covered the
locker, so we all waited for him to move aside. However, he just stood there for
a short while.
“Is it empty? Did you find anything else?” Breeze asked, almost out of
breath.
When Mr. Cappello stepped aside, the room went crazy. There the money
was, in neat stacks on the top shelf.
“That bitch is fucking crazy,” DeeDee yelled to me. I looked at her and
shook my head in what she thought was disbelief. I looked at Tanya who was
being held by one of the guards and she looked just as shattered as she did
confused.
“That shit is not mine. I swear, I didn’t put it there, oh, my God, please baby,
you’ve got to believe me.”
Tears were running down her face and ruined her always perfect porn make-
up. Her snow white skin was as red as a beet as she cried and gasped for air.
 “You fucking bitch, how fucking dare you?” Mr. Cappello asked.
Meanwhile, Breeze was just stoic and that was scary. I don’t know if it was
because he was still trying to process what was going on or if it just didn’t hit
him yet but he just stood there staring into space.
“You’re not listening to me; I didn’t take that money,” Tanya said, while
trying to shake the guard’s grip. Mr. Cappello held that bundle of cash that she
took of his desk and put his glasses on.
“You’re not a very good liar, Tanya. See here, I always put my initials on the
band that is around every stack of money I keep in the safe. There it is, right
there,” he said, as he first showed Tanya his writing then holding out for
everyone else to see. That’s when the tears really started to come down. And
what do you know? They were just as real looking as the fake ones she had not
too long ago in Mr. Cappello’s office. See? That’s what she gets, if you cry wolf
long enough, your cries will get no reaction when you’re really being eaten, case
in point.
“Okay, okay, I did take money off your desk, but I didn’t take the rest of it.”
Breeze, who had been standing there like a statue, pushed his hair out of his
face, walked over to Tanya, looked at her, and slapped the shit out of her. No
one moved or said anything. We watched as the guard let her go and Breeze
pulled her by the back of her head and brought her close to him. She was so
close to his face that, as he spoke, the spit that flew out of his mouth landed
directly in her face.
“I fucking took you from a nobody to a star. I gave you everything that
you’ve ever wanted. I moved you into my house and turned my back on my own
father’s warnings for you. I treated Jazzy second rate because of you and put you
in that number one spot…and this is what you do?”
Again, he slapped her and was about to do it again before his father stepped
in.
“Enough, son, let her go…let her go.”
He repeated it twice before Breeze finally took heed. He pushed her back
into the hand of the guard and straightened his suit. Tanya fell to the floor,
almost groveling at Breeze’s feet.
“Please, baby, you have to believe me. Yes, I did take that money from your
father, but it was just one stack, I didn’t take the rest, I swear, Breeze, please.”
She was now holding on to his leg as he tried to shake her loose, but she had
a death grip.
“Someone is setting me up, just think about it, why would I steal all of that
money and put it in my locker?”
There was a desperation in her voice that none of us had ever heard before.
The gratification I felt crept up my spine and made its way to my lips. At first it
was a smile, but the more I watched, the more it would grow.
“Why would you steal ten thousand dollars and put it in your purse? Hell,
none of your bullshit makes sense to me. You’re a liar, a cheat, a bitch, and now
we know that you’re a thief. If you’re spiting more lies for me, don’t bother, I
ain’t buying what you’re selling. Now my son may have been pussy whipped by
you but I’m in the clear, baby. I wouldn’t fuck you with a ten foot pipe so save
the bullshit. Here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to get up, clear your
locker, and get the fuck out of my place of business. I don’t want you to ever
dream about this place let alone step foot in it, you got that?”
He waited for her to answer but none came. He lowered himself so that he
was kneeling beside her on the floor. He lifted her head with his hand and looked
her straight in the eyes.
“You better fucking answer me before I lose my temper you fucking cunt.”
She didn’t answer with words but she shook her head up and down.
“No, answer me with your mouth, I want to make sure that there are no
misunderstandings.”
She cried a little more before mustering enough strength to tell him what he
wanted to hear, “Yes, I got it, never come back.”
Tears were pouring out of her eyes like a waterfall. Her make-up was now all
over her face with the colors merging and making it look like mud. I was now
fighting back the need to lean back and let out a long laugh. I watched as Mr.
Cappello stood back up and turned to leave, but then he stopped. He reached for
the stack she had taken off of his desk and un-did the paper band that held all of
the bills together. He walked back over to her and spoke directly to her.
“Oh, and by the way, I’m gonna let you keep the ten-k you claim you only
stole, and every time you spend a cent out of it I want you to remember this day.
To tell you the truth, I’ve been waiting on it for a while. I knew it wouldn’t be
long before you showed us all the trash you really are.”
With that he threw the stack of bills against her head as if it were a game of
52-pick-up.
“Don’t even think about going to the police because my son smacked your
ass, I’ll press charges against you for theft and make you a felon before you can
even blink.”
“But I didn’t do it, I really didn’t take all of that money,” she said sounding
more broken than before.
Something in her voice must have hit a nerve because the next thing I knew,
Mr. Cappello was asking everyone to go back out to the main set. Once we were
all seated, he filled the men on what had just happened. Then he said the words
that were sure to seal Jamar’s and my fate.
“So since she’s insisting that she only stole the money off of my desk and
not the money in my safe, we’ll all just go through the tapes and see, not that it
would matter anyway, a thief is a thief.”
He sent the guards to collect the tapes from his office, hallways, and ladies
locker room. As we waited, someone asked if we were allowed to go to the
bathroom. Breeze said yes, but that we still weren’t allowed to leave. He said
that we could go for a smoke, coffee, or bathroom, but just had to make sure to
be back in 15 minutes. I looked over at Jamar and he knew to follow me.
DeeDee stayed with her man, thank god.

*****

“What in the fuck did you get me into?”

Jamar was in a panic and I couldn’t blame him. My head was spinning, too.
“Calm down,” I told him as we walked over by his car. I looked around and
made sure that no one was in earshot of our conversation.
“I’m gonna take the blame for everything. Don’t worry about it.” I didn’t
know what else to say. However, I knew that I wouldn’t let him go down for my
bullshit.
“They’re gonna see me going into the locker room, not you,” he said, while
pointing in my face and rolling his eyes and head. His voice was even higher
than normal. I knew that he had a damn good reason to be pissed, so I wasn’t
going to hold his attitude against him. His fag flag, however, was sure as hell
waving. I guess the saying was true; a gay guy can’t hide the truth about himself
when he’s mad, happy, or scared.
“Just trust me, Jamar, you will not go down for this.”
As the words left my mouth, I saw DeeDee in the corner of my eye running
our way. She was saying something, but because of her heavy breathing, I could
not make it out. It wasn’t until she got close that I understood what she was
saying. But still, I thought I heard wrong.
 “They what?” I asked, looking at Jamar.
“Girl, it seems that Miss Tanya took the tape out of Bobby’s office and the
rest of the cameras had no tape in them. The guards never turned them on.
Bobby is losing his shit in there. He already told the head security guy he was
fired.”
I took off walking without a word. I wanted to get back inside and hear my
good news for myself. Jamar and DeeDee were right behind me. Once on set,
hearing Mr. Cappello going off on Breeze and the guards, I knew it was all true.
“HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU ALL BE? I’M PAYING GOOD
MONEY TO MAKE SURE THIS PLACE IS SECURE AND YOU’RE
TELLING ME THAT ALL THIS TIME THE SECURITY CAMERAS
WEREN’T EVEN FILMING?”
He looked around the room in disbelief.
“AND YOU,” he said, pointing at Breeze.
“YOU’RE FUCKING USELESS. I COULD NEVER IMAGINE TURNING
FANTASY PICTURES OVER TO YOU. YOU CAN’T EVEN MAKE SURE
THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE DOING THEIR JOB!”
“THAT’S NOT MY FUCKING JOB!” Breeze yelled back. In the middle of
their screaming match, Tanya stepped up and tried her hardest to keep her top
slot as Breeze’s queen bee.
“So, you can’t fire me now. There’s no proof, Bobby. You all have to just
take some time and think this over. None of it makes sense,” she said, still
pleading with both Breeze and his dad.
“This just proves that you’re smarter than I ever gave you credit for. You
have 10 minutes to grab your shit and get off of my property.” She looked at
Breeze for support, but found none.
“Don’t look at me and don’t even think about bringing your trifling ass back
to my house. I’ll have your things brought to you. Just call the front desk and let
them know where you will be.”
Breeze looked her over for what seemed would be the final time and then
walked away in disgust. His father took off the other way, filled with anger. As
she stood there like a wet dog, I lost it. I laughed because I was happy; I laughed
because she lost and I laughed because I had won. It was loud, it was real, and it
was meant for her to hear. She looked over at me through slanted eyes and just
started to cry even harder. As Jamar and DeeDee joined in on the festivities and
giggled along with me, I prayed that she knew why I was laughing. I watched
the security men lead her to the locker room to collect her things and then
watched them escort her off the premises. I waited as Jamar went to the nurse’s
office and got my things before all three of us headed to the local bar. Once there
I went to the ladies bathroom, made sure I was by myself, and then crushed the
tape under my heel. I cracked it open, pulled out the film and made sure it was
destroyed past recognition. After I was done, I headed back out to the bar area,
brought three rounds of drinks for Jamar, DeeDee and I, and toasted before
every drink. “Ding dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead.
Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead.” As they both sang along with me.

*****

With all of the drama behind me it was time to blow L.A. and head for my
promised land. With a short flight, it was lights, dancing, and action. Being in
Vegas always got my juices flowing. I don’t know if it was the fact that Lust was
there or if it was the thought of my upcoming new life there, but I loved it. I had
just had another sold out show with a standing ovation at the end of it. My
dressing room was filled with flowers from the club, high rollers, celebs, and
admires. Lanell, being my number one fan, provided me with the biggest
bouquet of them all.
“So have you thought any more about making this your day job?” Lust asked
as I sat at the vanity reading the cards that came with the flowers. I looked at him
through the mirror. He looked so damn sexy with his dark Armani suit on. His
dreads were pulled back and I could tell that he had just gotten them twisted. His
piercing gray eyes looked as far deep into me as they did that first night we met
in The Devil’s Den.
“Of course I have baby. I’m just waiting for the right time to announce my
decision,” I said as I got up and stood in front of him. I wrapped my arms around
his neck and melted under his touch.
“But how long is that gonna take, what’s holding you back?” he asked as I
tried to find the answer to his question within myself. The truth was I really
didn’t know, and he once again sensed it.
“I think I may have something that’s gonna help you say fuck L.A., I’m
ready for my new life,” he said as he stepped back and pulled at the knot on my
robe.
“Can’t you even wait until we get to the hotel?” I asked thinking that he
wanted sex. I kissed his warm lips only to have him gently push me away and
laugh.
“Get your mind out of the gutter; I’m not talking about sex. I have something
I want to show you.”
“So what is this about?” I asked looking down at my open robe.
“Get dressed and I’ll have the driver take us to what I want to show you.
Now promise me you’ll keep your eyes close until we get there,” he said while
smiling from ear to ear.
“I promise.”
He looked at me like he knew I was lying. He told himself that he would just
have to cover my eyes himself.
“I love you Jazzy.”
“I love you too,” I told him as he walked out of my dressing room.

*****

The ride to Lanell’s secret destination was short. My mind raced as I thought
of what this game changer could be. My stomach did flips when the thought of
him proposing to me ran across my mind. I loved him and all, but I wasn’t ready
for that.
“Okay, Jasmine we’re almost there,” Lanell said as he helped me out of the
car. With his help, I managed to get to whatever he was about to show me or tell
me.
“Okay, enough if enough, I’m about to open my eyes,” I said frustrated with
the wait. He begged me to give him another few minutes before finally allowing
me to open them.
“Where am I?” I asked as I looked around the empty club.
“This is for us baby. I want to open this club and have you perform in it like
you do at the Black Oasis.”
My mouth dropped open. I started to look around and took it all in, it was
huge. It was just as big as the Black Oasis, or even bigger. I walked over to the
stage, climbed the stairs and stood in the center of it.
“What do you mean this is for us?”
“Well, I figured that after your contract is up with Gina you would have
made a real name for yourself out here. People would want to come to the club
that A-you either perform at, or B-the club that Lust and Jezebel own, but to tell
you the truth, I don’t care either way. You can own it and never perform here or
you could be the main act. Just as long as I’m with you every day, I’ll be fine.”
Wow, that was a lot to take in, but still everything about what he was saying
felt right. My love for him was right, Vegas was right, and now this place was
right, too. I got off of the stage and walked over to him. I just stood there looking
at him doing two things. I wondered how I had managed to find him in a world
that was so full of dead souls. It wasn’t easy finding that one true person whose
heart beat thumped to the same beat as yours, but there he was, the man that was
meant to save me. And secondly, I stood there and thanked God that I had found
him. Tears streamed down my face as I thanked him from the bottom of my
heart.
“Wait, don’t thank me yet, you haven’t seen this yet.”
He took my hand and took me over to a door. Behind it was some big storage
unit. I felt around for the switch on the wall and once he hit it, a sign that was as
wide as the room lit up.
“That’s the name of the club,” he said as he stood behind me and kissed my
neck.
“I’m gonna name it Jezebels.”
I started to really cry, and I’m not talking about that cute “oh, my god I’m so
touched” cry. No, I let the ugly “oh, shit I can’t believe this is happening” cry
out.
“Don’t fall apart on me now, I haven’t even asked you to come up to Santa
Barbara with me tomorrow. It’s my parent’s anniversary and I want you to
come, will you?”
I couldn’t stop what was happening. It was just… everything was just so
right. I couldn’t help the tears, I couldn’t help my happiness. So with my eyes
bloodshot red, my heart racing, and my knees buckling, I shook my head yes,
because I was speechless.
 Chapter 24

“It’s nice to finally meet you again Krave.”

Back in the nurse’s office I was trying to calm down and relax. I couldn’t
believe I just helped frame someone. Who does that? What the hell did Jasmine
get me involved in? I thought if I talked about something else it would ease my
mind.
“Jazzy, are you feeling better now that you’re lying down?”
“Not really, but I just took some more pain pills so they should kick in
soon.”
“Can I get you anything else to make you feel more comfortable?”
“Unless you can make my bathtub appear, with an already rolled up blunt in
an ashtray on the side of the tub…then no.”
We both started to laugh before being interrupted by DeeDee charging in the
nurse’s office like she was still hyped up and ready for round two. Mr. Cappello
was right behind his mistress trying to calm her down. Jasmine and I watched on
as Mr. Cappello reminded her that he was the boss and in charge, but in the
sweetest, kindest way possible. It seemed like DeeDee understood and was
actually smiling now instead of looking like the brown female version of the
Incredible Hulk. Mr. Cappello smiled and waved at Jasmine and I before telling
DeeDee he was heading up to his office to get his things so they could leave.
Jasmine looked at me like she was worried. Great, just as I was starting to feel
better my heart started beating faster again. I knew any second now Mr.
Cappello was going to flip out. What I didn’t expect was for the sirens to go off,
and Mr. Cappello yelling on the loud speaker that he was locking down the
place, and that no one could leave. I started praying that no one saw what
Jasmine and I did. I had no idea how I would explain myself. I jumped up ready
to get this over with and to see what was going to happen. DeeDee and I helped
Jasmine up, and made our way out to the warehouse. There were only forty
people at work that day, so I knew Mr. Cappello wasn’t leaving until he found
his money. He was a business man, and took pride in his company so I knew
how much that money meant to him. Even though he had millions in the bank,
he wasn’t going to allow someone to disrespect him, and steal his petty cash. I
stood there, nervous as hell, as Mr. Cappello, Breeze, and the security guards
walked over to us.
“LISTEN UP, I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK WOULD BE CRAZY
ENOUGH TO GO INTO MY OFFICE AND TAKE MONEY OUT OF THERE
BUT IF YOU’RE STILL HERE THEN THAT MEANS THE MONEY IS
HERE TOO. AND I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART BEFORE I LET ANY
OF YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS.”
I knew it, he was going to have us there all night if need be. I had no idea
why Breeze separated the men from the women until he explained that the men’s
locker room was being searched first as everyone emptied their pockets. I guess
they assumed only a man would have the balls to steal from them, so why waste
time searching the women first. I probably looked like the thief, because I was
shaking. I was getting antsy and wanted to say you’re wasting your time, search
the women’s locker room, but as I looked at Jasmine, she mouthed “relax”. I
knew I needed to just play along, and not fuck it up. Our lives, in a sense, were
depending on it. Every time I would try and convince myself that everything was
going to be okay, I would get scared and paranoid all over again. If Breeze and
his dad had money to pay for an on-call nurse, on-call doctor, and four security
guards, then I knew they had to have security cameras. How else were the
security guards watching what went on at Fantasy Pictures, when ninety percent
of the time they were in their office? The other ten percent was when they would
walk by the set pretending like they were checking to see if everything was
okay, but really just trying to get a peek of the hot action that was being filmed. I
know at least two of them were on the down low, because I noticed how they
always slowed down as they walked pass the gay shoots. Realizing all of this I
started to get sick to my stomach. I almost threw up on the table as they looked
to see if anyone had a lot of cash in front of them. Thankfully all I had on me
was my wallet with three hundred dollars in it, my cell phone, and my car keys.
After the table search, Breeze led us into the men’s locker room. I looked back at
Jasmine like this is it, here we go. Inside the locker room I felt like we were in
prison and Mr. Cappello was the warden.
“EVERYONE STAND IN FRONT OF YOUR LOCKER AND DON’T
MOVE UNTIL WE ARE FINISHED SEARCHING ALL OF THEM. BEFORE
WE START DOES ANYONE JUST WANT TO CONFESS NOW? IF YOU
DO IT WILL SAVE US A LOT OF TIME, SO I PROMISE YOU I WON’T
PRESS CHARGES!”
For a second I felt like a little bitch because I wanted to just confess, get
everything off my chest, and get it over with. I felt so bad for betraying the man
who had helped make my life what it had become, perfect; but I knew I couldn’t
rat out my best friend. She never would’ve forgiven me. If they had me on tape,
and played back the footage then that was a different story, but for that moment I
just stood in front of my locker feeling scared but safe knowing nothing but my
gym bag was in there. They searched the first few lockers and everything was
going smoothly until Phill Driver, opened up his locker, started throwing
everything out of it, while yelling in his strong Spanish accent.
“This is fucking crazy. Here search through all of my stuff already, I need to
get out of here. I have things to do. First that crazy bitch ruins our film, and now
I’m being held hostage over some missing money.”
The security guards ran over and grabbed him while Mr. Cappello started
yelling.
“I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, AND I KNOW
YOU HEARD MY SON SAY DON’T OPEN YOUR LOCKER UNTIL WE
TELL YOU TO. ARE YOU GUILTY AND TRYING TO MOVE THE
MONEY, PHILL?”
“With all due respect, boss, you know I was on the set filming today. I was
there the entire time. How would I have time to get up to your office, find out
where you keep your money, put it in my locker, and get back to the set, and
wait until all of this went down? Can you just check my stuff so I can be
excused? I need to leave, or I’m going to be late for my part time job.”
Mr. Cappello looked him in his eyes for a minute, and it looked like he
believed him because he finally responded.
“Search all of his stuff, and then I want one of you to escort him to his car.
Make sure you check the car too, and if everything is clear let him go, and when
you’re finished make sure you get back in here right away.”
I waited patiently because I knew my locker was next. I just wanted that day
to be over with and know I was fully in the clear. Phill Driver was cleared and
escorted out before Mr. Cappello and the other security guard approached me.
“Okay, Jamar, thanks for all you hard work earlier, and I know you don’t
have anything to do with this, but I’m going to need you to open up your locker
for me.”
 He said as he patted me on the back.
“No problem, Mr. Cappello.”
Now I was really feeling guilty. If he did have me on tape in possession of
his money, I was going to look and feel like the biggest asshole ever. I knew
he’d feel betrayed and press charges on me for sure. My name would be ruined
in the porn business forever. The security guards quickly searched my gym bag,
and cleared my name. Mr. Cappello smiled and winked at me, I’m assuming he
was relieved that the thief wasn’t one of his top money makers, but if he only
knew. After searching the men’s locker room Mr. Cappello seemed like he was
disappointed, but still on a mission. I thought I was able to leave now, but all of
the men still had to wait until the rest of the place was searched. Breeze
announced that they were ready to search the women’s locker room. I looked on
wondering if Jasmine was just as nervous as I was. I knew it was only a matter
of minutes before the money was located. I wished I could’ve followed them in
there, or had been a fly on the wall because I knew the expression on Tanya’s
face when they discovered the money in her locker would be priceless; a Kodak
moment and I didn’t want to miss it. At least I knew I’d heard about it later from
Jasmine and DeeDee. Once I heard Mr. Cappello yelling inside of the women’s
locker room I moved closer, without making it too noticeable so I could hear
what was going on. I was relieved when I realized he wasn’t yelling at Jasmine. I
mean I knew he had to be screaming at Tanya, but my paranoia had me thinking
somehow he found out Jasmine really stole the money, and that I was her
accomplice. How would I have explained to him that I was only helping out a
wounded friend who I loved dearly? If I could’ve taken her place, and let Tanya
ram the dildo up my ass so none of this would’ve happened, I would have. Who
knows, after taking Tyree’s huge dick on the regular I may have liked it, but
poor Jasmine, no matter how relaxed she was her little pussy wasn’t prepared for
all that dick, or should I say plastic? Inside the locker room I could hear Tanya
crying and pleading that she didn’t do it, so when I turned to see if anyone else
was hearing what I was hearing, I saw all of the men had moved closer to hear
too. I felt better since I wasn’t the only nosey one inquiring about what was
going on in there. At this point all of the men assumed Tanya was the guilty one,
and that she was being terminated. When we heard Mr. Cappello tell everyone to
head back out to the warehouse, we quickly moved away from the door and
stood around like we didn’t know what was going on.
“So since she’s insisting that she only stole the money off of my desk and
not the money in my safe, we’ll all just go through the tapes and see, not that it
would matter anyway, a thief is a thief.”
Mr. Cappello said the words I feared the most. Now that he just confirmed
that there were cameras, I knew I was finished. I put my head down because I
was ashamed for what I had done. Don’t get me wrong Tanya had it coming, and
I was happy to hear her crying; but now all I could picture was Jasmine and I
being escorted out of Fantasy Pictures in handcuffs. The embarrassment alone
made me start to have a panic attack, although I hid it very well. When Breeze
told everyone we had a fifteen minute break, I needed to speak to Jasmine so she
could calm me down.
“What are we going to do? We’re going to get arrested. I just know it.”
She told me to calm down for the second time, but I needed more than those
two words to help me. I knew I looked like a punk, but at that moment I didn’t
care. All I cared about was our future, and how the hell I was going to explain to
my father that I got arrested? I opened my car door, pushed out the ashtray, and
grabbed the half smoked blunt that I didn’t finish earlier that morning. As we
shared the rest of my tree, she made me feel somewhat at ease when she
confirmed again that she would take the blame.
“Don’t worry about it, I got you Jamar. You were only helping me out
because I couldn’t walk at the time. I promise you I’ll explain everything to
them, and I’ll make sure to take full responsibility for this, if they caught us on
tape.”
“Are you sure Jazzy? Please tell me everything is going to be okay before I
have a heart attack.”
“Trust me, Jamar, I won’t allow you to go down for this.”
I think for the first time since we stepped foot outside I stopped shaking. To
know that Jasmine had my back proved to me that she was nothing like Ebony,
she was my true friend.
“Here comes DeeDee; what is she saying?” I asked as I saw DeeDee running
over toward my car. Jasmine shook her head, and shrugged her shoulders
because she obviously couldn’t hear her either.
“They what?” Jasmine asked DeeDee while looking at me bug-eyed as if she
was shocked.
DeeDee made me want to jump up and down and scream out loud when she
confirmed that there were no tapes in the VCRs, because that meant there was no
evidence linking Jasmine and I to the “crime”. Before DeeDee could fully finish
talking Jasmine was already walking back toward the building. I quickly put
what was left of the blunt out, and threw it in the bushes, before following her
inside.
When we walked back in Mr. Cappello’s face, ears, and neck was blood red.
I never knew he could get so mad. He was pissed off and was yelling at the
security guards before really letting Breeze have it. I’ve heard him yell at Breeze
before, but this time he sounded as if he was disgusted with his son. Breeze tried
to defend himself, while Tanya tried one last time to prove her innocence and
save her job.
“So you can’t fire me now, there’s no proof Bobby. You have to just take
some time and think this over. None of it makes sense.”
It was too late though, Jasmine’s plan was a success. Tanya took the blame,
and would forever be known as a dirty thief, and would never be allowed on
Fantasy’s Pictures premises ever again. Tanya could’ve walked out of there with
her pride, and dignity; basically with her head held high knowing she didn’t take
the hundred thousand dollars; but she chose to go out looking desperate and
pathetic just like those criminals on Cops, who know they’re going to jail, but
cry and beg for mercy anyway. It was actually quite sad to watch, especially
since she got fired, and kicked out of Breeze’s mansion all at once. I know I
shouldn’t have laughed at her too when the girls busted out laughing, but
Jasmine’s laugh caught me off guard and it was a mixture of that and knowing
that I was safe. After Tanya was finally escorted out of there, Breeze came back
and announced that production was shut down for the rest of the day, and that
everyone was free to go.
After we left work the girls and I headed over to Shadow’s for a few
cocktails to celebrate. Jasmine and I were celebrating for a lot more reasons than
DeeDee was. We would’ve loved to let her in on our little secret, but that was
one we’d take to the grave. I don’t know if Jasmine felt the same way, but I
didn’t know where DeeDee’s loyalty laid the most, with us, or with Mr.
Cappello. I’d like to believe with us, but it was too much at risk, so it wasn’t
worth letting her in on it.

*****

The next couple of days went by so fast that before I knew it Saturday had
arrived. I lied in bed restless the night before thinking about how everything was
going to go down. I planned on getting up at 8:00a.m., but ended up waking up
at 6:00AM. I went for a run to clear my head and think about how I was going to
please P.V. and make sure he got his monies worth in case he wanted to hire me
again. Once I got back it was still only a quarter to seven so I took a shower,
then cooked something to eat, and had some coffee to give me the energy I was
going to need in case he was boring. I checked my cell phone, and e-mail again
for the twentieth time in two days making sure he didn’t cancel, or reschedule on
me. I also didn’t tell Tyree anything about my date with P.V., now I really felt
like I was the one keeping secrets. I hate it when Tyree keeps secrets from me,
but here I was doing the same thing. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I knew
he would’ve been pissed, and asked how come I didn’t make sure he was invited
so he could get his cut of the money. In a way I wish I would have, but at the
same time he was working so much between L.A. and Santa Barbara, and
pleasing me at home that I thought he would be all sexed out. Besides P.V. never
even mentioned anything about him, I’m sure if he wanted Tyree he would’ve
sent him an e-mail. Maybe he did, but Tyree doesn’t reply back to fan mail as
often as I do, so the hell with it. One thing I was worried about though, was the
fact that no one knew where I was going, or who I was going to meet. I still
didn’t even know who I was meeting, so my first thought was to text Jasmine
and let her know. Then, I thought about her worrying about me while she was
out in Vegas performing, and spending time with Lanell. I didn’t want her mind
anywhere but there. I wanted her to enjoy every minute of it and live it up, so I
did what I necessarily didn’t want to do, but had to do.
“Hey girl, I just wanted to give you a heads up, I’m going on a blind business
meeting, I guess you can say, and I wanted someone to know where I was going,
and who I’m with in case things go wrong. I’m meeting P.V. in Beverly Hills,
and his e-mail address is daddiesboys@yahoo.com (don’t ask). I’ll text you
again when I’m leaving, so you know everything went as planned. If you don’t
hear from me by, let’s say 11:00PM, come save me girl. I’m just playing
DeeDee, don’t trip I know how you are, no but seriously come save me, LOL,
oh, and keep this between us.”
DeeDee texted back telling me to be safe, and that she’d be waiting to hear
back from me. I was expecting her to ask a hundred questions, but then again
she’s not really into texting, she’s more of a in your face kind of girl. I threw my
cell phone on my bed while I got dressed. Once I was looking fly, I grabbed my
wallet, my BlackBerry, and my keys and headed downstairs to check outside.
Sure enough, the limo was pulling up as scheduled. It was a stretch limousine, so
I’m assuming he wanted to impress me, and he did. The limo driver, who was a
handsome Latino, who looked to be in his mid to late 20’s, got out of the limo
and waited for me to approach the door before opening it.
“I’m Eddie; I’ll be your driver for today. If you have any questions, just put
down the divider and feel free to ask.”
“Okay, thanks!”
Inside there were all kinds of alcohol to choose from, but I didn’t want to
arrive intoxicated so I chose to wait until I met P.V. and decide then if I would
need a drink or not. Besides the light traffic, the ride to Beverly Hills was
relaxing. It felt good not having to drive myself around, it was definitely
something I could get used to. The limo pulled into his gated driveway, which
felt like a street because we were driving for a few minutes before seeing the
private mansion. I had to put down the tinted window to see if my eyes were
deceiving me. I knew Beverly Hills had some nice mansions, and we passed a
few on the way there, that I wouldn’t mind owning; but nothing like the one we
were pulling up to. I filmed plenty of movies in rented mansions, but none of
them were even half the size as P.V.’s mansion. I waited for Eddie to let me out
of the limo. He was very nice and professional. I started to walk away but
realized I did have a question for Eddie. I turned back around to ask.
“Will you be out here waiting until I’m ready to go, or will there be another
driver taking me home?”
“I’ll be out here waiting. The limo was reserved for the entire afternoon and
evening. Whenever you’re ready, just come back outside and I’ll take you back
to L.A.”
“Okay, great!”
I turned back around so I was facing the mansion. I couldn’t stop staring.
Who the hell lived here? Was I meeting another celebrity? Damn, I wish I
brought my camcorder in case he tried some shady shit like Black did. I looked
around and some huge lion statues caught my eye, they looked tacky and out of
place. Rich people always find things to waste their money on. Then, I saw the
large running fountain that was captivating. It was my first time seeing a
beautiful fountain in front of someone’s home. It reminded me of my childhood
when my mother would take me to the zoo, give me some change, and then tell
me to make a wish as I threw the money in the fountain. For a second I wished I
had a quarter on me so I could run over and wish I’d have a mansion like that
one day, and that was before I even saw the inside. To get to the front door there
were two sets of steps on each side of a lovely garden full of colorful flowers, so
I chose to walk up the steps on the right side since they were closer. I have no
idea how someone who was handicapped would get inside, because I didn’t see a
ramp anywhere. I started to ring the doorbell, but Caleb, PV’s young, adorable
butler I like to refer to as his houseboy, opened the front door before I could put
my finger on the buzzer.
“Hello Krave. I see you’re right on time.”
He stood there in his fitted Armani suit smiling and blushing. His curly
blonde hair and bright blue eyes turned me on. My dick started to rise as I
thought damn I hope this is P.V., but instantly I knew better. There was no way
his barely eighteen looking ass could afford that place.
“Well, don’t just stand there, come in already. Mr. Visage is waiting out on
the back deck for you. He has a delicious spread ready for you, so the two of you
can have an intimate lunch together.”
“Okay, cool just lead the way.”
I started to ask Caleb, who the hell was Mr. Visage, and how did he get the
money to buy that place, but I decided to wait and ask myself, that way I’d have
something to talk about. As soon as I walked in I was amazed at how well
decorated the mansion was, and that was just the foyer. Everything looked like it
was meant to be in its place, and looked brand new. I found myself walking
down the hall without paying attention to where I was going because I was so
mesmerized by the incredible art work that was hanging up on the wall. Caleb
opened two large doors before we walked out on the deck. The view was just as
amazing, and he had acres of land behind his mansion. Not only was there plenty
of land, but it looked like a resort. There was a nice tennis court, a long pool that
had a large lion face designed in the concrete at the bottom, so big that you could
see it through the water. A guest house, comfortable expensive looking lawn
chairs, a grill area, multiple cabanas with silk curtains tied back to show off the
lounge areas, and a huge gazebo that made my backyard look cheap, and boring.
I finally turned to the table and there he was sitting at the table drinking scotch
on the rocks, smoking a cigar, while typing something on his laptop. I knew
right away it was going to be a long day, and that I was going to smoke both
blunts before I could have sex with him. Mr. Visage wasn’t my type at all, he
looked to be in his late 50’s, he had a full head of gray hair, he was overweight,
and I could tell by his arms and legs that he had a hairy body. He looked like he
would sweat during sex, gross. I wanted to turn around and run back to the limo,
and just go home to my sexy man; but I figured this could be a good investment.
I’m not stupid; I knew I couldn’t be a porn star forever. I’d just had to keep
thinking I’d get fifty thousand dollars each time he hired me to get through the
day. He finally looked up and smiled so big that I wondered if his teeth were
real, or false. Then, I looked at his light blue eyes and realized he still had a
handsome face, he was just old and letting himself go. He stood up to greet me,
and shook my hand.
“It’s nice to finally meet you again Krave.”
I forgot he met me before at one of my club appearances. I’ve met so many
men these past two years that I didn’t remember meeting Mr. Visage at all,
which is strange because I don’t how I could have forgotten him.
“Can you refresh my memory, which club did you meet me at again?”
“Did I say club? I’m sorry about that, I actually met you at the Adult Expo in
Las Vegas a few months ago, but you probably don’t recognize me. I didn’t look
like this that day. I have some friends in the business that can make me look like
anyone I want to, so I’m not recognized.”
“The business?” What the hell was he talking about?
“You’re obviously only into adult movies otherwise you’d know who I am.
I’m Patrick Visage; I’m one of the biggest horror movie directors in
Hollywood.”
“Hold up wait, you’re thee Patrick Visage?”
He smiled and nodded.
“I’ve definitely heard of you, but I never knew who you were or what you
looked like.”
“I see, so you are into my movies?”
“Of course, anyone who loves good scary movies is a fan of your work.”
“Well you’re in for a treat. I just received the final cut of Self-Absorbed, the
latest movie I directed. It’s based off the novel written by Mattiola.”
“I’ve never heard of it.”
“Don’t worry you’re gonna love it, so let’s eat. Afterwards, I’ll give you a
quick tour of my home, and then you’ll be the first person besides me to see the
movie.”
“That sounds good to me.”
On the table there were all kinds of cheese, different types of crackers, sliced
up fruit, plenty of fresh deli meat, homemade baked croissants, a couple bottles
of wine, and a pitcher of iced water. It definitely wasn’t what I expected, but it
looked good and made me hungry.
“I wanted to eat something light so I hope this is okay. If not, just let me
know and I’ll have Caleb get you something else.”
Just for the fun of it I started to ask for a steak, a loaded baked potato, and
some asparagus just to see if I could get whatever I wanted, and to delay what he
ultimately wanted, me. I chose otherwise.
“This will be fine.”
He smiled then looked at Caleb, who was staring at me the whole time.
“Thanks, Caleb, that will be all for now.”
I watched as Caleb walked away, and all though he was dressed up I could
still see that he had a nice round ass that I wouldn’t mind tapping. He closed the
doors as we connected eyes and smiled at each other.
“Do you like what you see?” Mr. Visage asked.
The smirk on his face let me know he caught me staring at Caleb.
“He’s cute,” I said as I started to make my plate.
“I know that’s why I hired him. After I’m finished with you, if you’re still up
for it I’ll let you play with him.”
I started to laugh because I thought he was joking.
“Would you like that Krave?”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course, he does whatever I want. I invite some of my other rich friends
over once a month when they can get away from their wives, and Caleb is the
party favor, he loves it.”
That was more information than I needed to know, because I was interested
and excited before he said that. I figured I’d still make him feel special though.
“I’m only here to see you.”
While we ate we got to know each other. He told me the ins and outs of
making a movie, and I told him all about the porn business. I also found out he
paid sixty million for his mansion, which made me realize I’m working in the
wrong industry. I could only dream about having that much money to spend on a
place to live.

*****

“Did you get enough to eat?”

“I did, thank you.”
“Okay, well, let me show you around. That way, in case you become a
regular guest, you’ll know where everything is.”
Typical rich person looking to show off what he owned. I didn’t mind at all,
because I wanted to be nosey, and see what all he had in that place. His living
room looked a little too fancy for me. The furniture looked expensive, but it
looked like no one was allowed in there. There was marble and hardwood
flooring throughout the entire place. The dining room was just as fancy, crystal
chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the long dining room table could sit
eighteen. Although I only used one of his twelve bathrooms, I'm sure all of them
were just as nice. My favorite room was his red and black theme room that
looked like it should be featured in some kind of style magazine. It had a grand
piano, a lighted fire place, some red and black leather lounge chairs, two
matching love seats, and a bar with bottles of every kind of alcohol that you
could think of; which made me realize I was now ready for a drink. He made me
a Vodka and cranberry before pouring himself some more scotch. We walked
down the hall so he could show me his library, which put my bookshelves to
shame. After that he insisted on showing me his eight bedrooms, including the
master bedroom, he said, “In case you ever decide to spend the night over here,
Krave, you must know where the guest rooms are.” I could've cared less what his
bedrooms looked like, I was just ready to collect my cash and head back to L.A.
But, I did like the fact that he was talking as if I would be invited over more than
once. We had to go upstairs, which he had two sets of. On the left side there
were more beautiful paintings, while on the right side of the steps, the entire wall
was a mirror. All of the rooms were nice, but of course the master bedroom was
the best. He had what I thought was a connecting bedroom, but it turned out to
be his walk-in closet. I couldn't help but notice there were men's clothes on one
side, and woman's clothes on the other. My curiosity got the best of me so I
asked.
“What's with all of the dresses, heels, and gowns?”
“That's all for you beautiful. Pick out something sexy to wear for me, for
later.”
“OH, HELL NO. THAT WAS NOT PART OF OUR DEAL. I AIN'T A
BITCH, SO I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU'RE PAYING ME;
I'M NOT WEARING WOMAN'S CLOTHES!”
He let out the hardiest laugh that I had ever heard. He was laughing so hard
that he had to hold on to a dresser, and catch his breath before speaking again.
“Calm down and loosen up a little, I was just fucking with you Krave. It was
worth it though, because you should’ve seen your face.”
He started to laugh some more, but when he saw that I wasn't laughing he
finally answered my question.
 “That's my wife's half of the closet.”
I had no idea he was married, and now I was nervous because all these
scenarios of her catching us in the act played out in my mind.
“Your wife, is she home?”
“Oh, no, I sent her on vacation with some of her girlfriends on a trip to
Europe. She won't be back until sometime next month.”
That was a relief, but I still felt bad for her. He must have noticed my
expression changed, or somehow knew what I was thinking.
“My wife knows I live an alternate lifestyle, so don't let the fact that I'm
married bother you. I don't think it matters how many men I fuck, as long as I
continue to spoil her rotten.”
I don't blame her. I could tell this man was worth a fortune, so if I was her I'd
put up with his “alternate” lifestyle too.
As we were taking the elevator down to the basement he said he wasn't going
to bother showing me his garage because he had 20 cars in there that were way
too expensive, and he didn't want to show off, but it was a little too late for that.
His wine cellar was fully stocked. He grabbed a bottle, which he said was his
favorite, and said that we could enjoy it during the movie. As we headed to his
movie theatre we passed his gym, which looked like it didn't get much use which
was a damn shame. It looked better than any private gym that I've been too.
Once we finally made it to the movie theatre it was really nice. There were 25
red leather recliner chairs that were very comfortable. He pushed a button on a
remote control that made the curtains open revealing his huge movie screen. He
offered me some popcorn and candy, but I was still full from lunch. He poured
each of us a glass a wine before we took a seat in the middle of the theatre. He lit
his cigar, so I lit one of my blunts. Finally, he pushed another button on his
remote which started the movie.
“That movie was so good, but it was sick and twisted. Every time I thought I
knew who the killer was that person was murdered.”
“I had a feeling you'd like it. I'm excited about it, because I know it's going
to be a big money maker.”
“I'm sure, so what's next?”
I had a feeling he wanted to get it in, but I thought I'd just ask for the hell of
it.
“Now it's time for us to play, and have fun.”
We walked two doors down, and it was the first room that he had to actually
unlock, which let me know right away that it was his private room.
 “Don't let the next room scare you, or turn you off. It's my fantasy room.”
I didn't know what to think, or say so I just smiled and waited for him to
open the door. As soon as I walked in my mouth went from a smile to frozen
wide opened. I was shocked; he had me in a dungeon that looked like it was
straight out of one of his horror movies. I reached for my cell, because I was
scared this old pervert was about to lock me up, or torture me. There were all
kinds of cages, handcuffs, whips, sex toys, leather body suits, paddles, chains,
and a sling in the middle of the room. Now I was really ready to run the hell out
of there. He walked over to this table that had a silver briefcase on it. I waited to
see what he was about to do with it. He unlocked the briefcase before slowly
opening it revealing a lot of money.
“I'm sure you had to be wondering when you were going to get your fee.
Well, here it is. Feel free to count it, but I promise you it's all there.”
“I don't need to count it, I trust you.”
“Okay, well make sure you grab it on our way out, but for now let's get
started.”
He must have been real comfortable with himself because he stripped down
butter ball naked, and then walked over to the wall and picked out a leather skin
tight outfit that had a hood with a zipper over the mouth area, and an open area
in the back to reveal his ass. He put it on right there in front of me, and I had to
hold back from laughing because he was having a lot of issues pulling it up over
his body. He eventually got it on, and was sweating grotesquely. I've never seen
anyone in that kind of outfit before let alone a fat, old white man. He went from
being a normal looking rich citizen to a freak. After seeing that I can only
imagine the things people are doing behind closed doors. He unzipped his mask
and talked.
“Don't be shy Krave. Go ahead and take off your clothes, and make sure you
take everything off, I want you completely bare. The only think I want on you is
one of my black cock rings.”
Ok now I was starting to feel like a piece of meat. You would think I'd be
used to it by now, but this was definitely different than filming a movie. I just
had to stay focused on my suitcase as I did what I was told.
Once he was in his outfit he looked scary, I didn't know how I was going to
get turned on enough to get through our session. He made me help him in the
sling, make sure he was locked in to the connecting chains, and then reminded
me that he wanted me to be aggressive, dominate him, and degrade him. I
needed my other blunt because my high was long gone. While I smoked I made
sure he served me orally, and to get hard I closed my eyes and pictured it was
Caleb. Each time he gagged on my nine inches I would smack him across his
masked face, and then make him beg me for more. It was far from my
personality, but I was able to put my acting skills to use. I was half way through
the blunt when my cell phone started vibrating, I didn't pay it any mind, because
I wanted to give Mr. Visage my full attention. I finished smoking than walked
over to his wall of shame, and grabbed the wooden paddle. I started off lightly
smacking his ass, but each time I made contact he would scream out
“HARDER!” It didn't matter how hard I smacked his now bright red ass, he
would continue to moan for more. My arm got tired before he did. I finally
switched it up and beat him with the whip all over his body while calling him
degrading names. I moved on to the toys, and used everything from different
size butt plugs to large dildos in his used and abused hole. He begged me to fist
him, and I told him he had a choice, my dick or my fist. That sick fuck chose my
fist. I was relieved that I didn't have to penetrate him, but turned off that he
wanted my fist up his ass. I had never done that before, so I didn't know what to
expect. He told me where the Vaseline, and gloves were, that when on they
covered not only my hand but covered my arm all the way up to my elbow. I felt
like I was about to impregnate a cow, no pun intended. I only got four of my
fingers inside him, before working on my thumb when my BlackBerry would
not stop going off. Even though it was in vibrating mode, it was still annoying
and distracting. I apologized and told him I had to get that, and afterwards I
would turn my phone off. The first few missed calls were from a number I didn't
recognize, but the other thirteen missed calls were from DeeDee. I also noticed
she sent me a text saying “CALL ME ASAP. 911 911 911”
I didn't feel like hearing her drama at that moment, but being the good friend
that I am, my conscience wouldn't let me ignore her. Her phone only rang once
before she picked up and dropped a bomb on me. I thought my heart stopped
because I was frozen again, and didn't know where I was for a few seconds.
When reality kicked back in, I cut her off from talking and yelling at me for
taking so long to pick up and told her “I'M ON MY WAY!”
I was in frantic mod. At first I didn't even know where my clothes were.
Finally I realized where they were, ran over and started putting them on so fast,
it was as if I was Superman trying to get back in his every day Clark Kent
clothes before someone recognized him. Once Mr. Visage realized I was fully
dressed, he demanded that I stop what I was doing and finish what we started,
but I wasn't hearing him. I mean I was hearing what he was saying, but it wasn't
registering in my brain. Finally, I grabbed my suit case and started to run out, so
he realized I was leaving for real.
“Can you at least unlock these locks, and help me down? The key is on the
table.”
At that moment I felt bad for him, and realized I couldn't leave him hanging
up in the sling could I? Well after I checked, and double checked the table for
the key with no luck, I couldn't search any longer.
“I'm sorry Mr. Visage. I can't find the key, and under any other circumstance
I wouldn't leave you like this but it's an emergency. I have to go, I'm so sorry.”
As I ran out the dungeon and headed for the elevator I heard him yelling for
me to tell Caleb he needed help down. When the elevator made it to the main
level I ran past Caleb cleaning up and with one breath I told him
“Your boss needs your help I'm sure you know where to find him.”
I ran outside and Eddie was leaning against the limo smoking a cigarette.
When he saw me charging toward the limo like a linebacker, he quickly put it
out, and opened up the door for me.
“Is everything okay? I expected to be out here for a few more hours.”
“No, it's not. Take me Good Samaritan Hospital in L.A. as fast as you can.”
 Chapter 25

“We’re here for the Dash party.”

The drive to Santa Barbara was surreal. I felt like I was in this brand new
space, one that was unearthly, a place where only Lanell and I existed. Our love
was our oxygen and our passion was the food that silenced our hunger. Several
times as he drove, I looked over at him. I couldn’t get over how fate had thrown
us together. He came up to me in The Devil’s Den without even knowing that we
would meet again. He had no idea that we were going to be filming together that
night, yet something pulled him toward me, and something kept us together.
“What are you thinking about Jasmine, you look like your plotting
something?”
I wrapped my hand tighter around his massive hand and leaned over and
kissed his neck. I sat there trying to find the right words, the words that would
make him fully understand my hearts reaction to him, but I felt like nothing
could come close.
“Just thinking about life and what it has offered me. So many times, we wake
up and pray for the things that don’t matter or the things that in the end, will be
meaningless. But sitting in the car with you right now… it just makes me realize
that most of what I have wanted doesn’t matter, it’s the people that we meet, the
people that we love, even the ones we hate, they are the ones who shape us, who
shape our lives. Like you and me, out of everyone in the world we found each
other and that’s a needle in a hay stack. I bet if just one thing in our lives was
changed, we wouldn’t be sitting here together today.”
“So are you saying that you’re thankful for porn?” Lanell asked as if he only
half way understood where I was going with my statement.
“What I’m saying is that if it weren’t for porn I would have never met you.”
“You never know,” he said with a shrug of his shoulder.
“That’s just it, we will never know. But what we do know is that because of
it, I have found you and I’ll always be thankful for that. I can’t really see my life
without you now, even if I did have all of this going on with the dancing and the
move. I just don’t think that it would be the same without you. It’s almost as if
my heart beats for you,” I said looking straight as him. When the words left my
mouth he took his eyes off of the road and stared at me. Then he pulled to the
side of the road and undid his seatbelt. I took his hand and put it up to my heart
as if I was trying to prove my statement true. It wasn’t long before his lips were
on mine and my body was on top of his.
“You really wanna do this out here?” he asked, as I pulled up the skirt that I
had on and adjusted myself on top of him.
“It’s not like we’re not used to having people watch.”
The cars zoomed by as I unzipped his pants. He pulled off my top and
slipped one of my perky breasts from my top and slipped his mouth over my
nipple. I moaned as I reached over and turned the volume knob up higher.
“Trying to set the mood?” Lanell asked with a smile.
“You fine as hell, I guess I met you for a reason only time will tell.”
I rapped along with J. Cole as if the lyrics were written for me. And since it
was about eight in the morning I asked what Drake and Mr. Cole asked on the
song. Can I hit it in the morning? I felt his stiffness between my legs and I was
just as ready as he was. I reached down and pulled out the part of his body I
wanted inside of me. I smiled at the chocolate thunder that was his dick and
knew I was about to get my world rocked. I slid down on his pole really slow,
wanting to feel every inch of him in me. As I did my job holding a steady pace,
he slipped his hand down and eased the seat down. I lowered my chest back to
his mouth and he continued making wetter and wetter. As the songs changed and
our love sounds now merged with the song Red Lips off of Trey Songs Passion,
Pain, and Pleasure album. We we’re both close to finishing the race. He leaned
up and kissed my red lips and made me cum. Within the next minute or so, he
followed suit.

*****

The drive from Vegas to Santa Barbara was about five hours, but that didn’t
matter. Lanell and I enjoyed each other’s company, sex, and conversation. We
talked about the new life we were going to have in Vegas and as far as we both
were concerned, the stars were the limit. We checked into the hotel and after
showering, we took a short nap. We woke up around four, got ourselves together
and went out for lunch.
“I’ve been thinking,” I said before taking a sip of my drink.
“I wanna go shopping and pick up something nice for tonight, plus I want to
bring a gift.”
Lanell looked up from his food and smiled before shaking his head.
“What?” I asked with my own smile crawling across my face.
“I remember when we went to that Caribbean day thing and I brought you an
outfit to wear, you gave me hell for that shit so I wasn’t even gonna ask if you
wanted to shop for…for something more appropriate.”
I laughed. Wow that only seemed like yesterday.
“Well, I was just thinking that the clothes I have with me aren’t right to meet
your family in, not with my ass hanging out and all.”
I stood up and turned around so he could see the short shorts that barely
covered my round ass.
“And there’s one more thing,” I said while taking my seat. He waited to hear
what I had to say.
“Would you mind if we told your family that I was a performer in Vegas
instead of the truth? It’s not like we would be completely lying,” I said with a sly
smile. I couldn’t tell how he was taking my request. His face was blank and I
started to worry that asking him totally was wrong.
“That’s really sweet Jasmine.”
“What?”
“That you want to make a good impression for my folks. That shows that
you’re in this 100%.”
I walked over to him and kissed his lips.
“You should never have to wonder Lanell ‘cause you’ll have 100% of my
heart always.

*****

“Are you sure this dress is okay, maybe I should have gotten the black one,
don’t you think that it shows too much?”
I was freaking out. I must have tried on fifty dresses that afternoon and I still
didn’t think that I had gotten the right one.
“Calm down, Jasmine, you look banging baby.”
I smacked my lips and threw my hands on my hips.
“Banging, I didn’t want to look banging, I wanted to look classy,” I said
giving myself the one over. The red dress Lanell helped me pick out was tight,
strapless, and cut right above my knee. Although this was considered covered up
compared to my slut wear, I still felt naked.
“Trust me Jasmine, you’re fine. Plus, I wasn’t gonna have you looking like a
grandma. I still want you to look sexy. My dad and brother are going to love you
in this dress.”
His joke helped calm my nerves as he came up behind me and wrapped his
hands around my waist.
“My family’s gonna love you just like I do. Plus, you never know, you may
have a couple of fans there who know your work.”
Now why did he have to go and say that? My face frowned up and worry
filled my gut again. He laughed and thought that it was cute, but to me, I was on
the verge of throwing up.

*****

“Are you ready?” Lanell asked as he looked over to my shaky leg. We were
sitting outside of the restaurant where the dinner for his parents was being held
and I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car.
“Just give me a minute.”
He sat there patiently, not wanting to rush or push me too fast. He actually
liked the fact that my heart raced and that my legs were shaky.
“Okay, let’s do this,” I say after a few deep breaths. He pulled up to where
the boys in red jackets were waiting to park the cars and jumped out. The valet
guy walked to my door and opened it. Lanell was there to help me out of the car
and held my hand as we entered the restaurant.
“We’re here for the Dash party,” Lanell told the hostess. She led us upstairs
to the private room where at least thirty or so people were sitting and talking. I
squeezed Lanell’s hand as all heads turned our way and my eyes landed on the
two people I knew were his parents.
“Hi, mom, dad, this is Jasmine, my baby.”
 I extended my hand first to his mother since she was the closet to me. She
smiled sweetly and shook my hand.
Hi, Jasmine, I’m Robin, I love that dress. Did Lanell tell you that red is my
favorite color?”
I smiled as I looked into Robin’s eyes. I had seen them before, the way they
seemed to look right through you. They were the same gray eyes that Lanell
hypnotized me with.
“No, he didn’t tell me that but he did have a heavy hand in picking out the
dress. Guess he was covering all angles, huh?”
We all laughed and she swept her hand against his cheek.
“That’s my son, ever so thoughtful; well this is my husband, Tino. My first
born takes after him the most, as far as personality.”
As I shook Tino’s hand, I couldn’t help but catch the admiration each had for
the other. He and his wife looked at the other as if they had just met yesterday.
As if Tino had never seen her naked and fantasized about her body as she spoke
to him. I understood why, Robin was still stunning in her fifties. She was tall,
about 5’9 with a bee hive complexion. Her hair was short, soft, and cut very
stylishly. Her body looked as if she never missed a day at the gym and her shape
was that to be envied with her small waist, round behind, long legs and shapely
hips. Without knowing her age, no one would ever say that she was a day over
35.
“Wow, son, this girl is gorgeous, she should be in the pictures somewhere,
what do you do, Miss Jasmine?”
“I perform in Vegas; I’m a dancer,” I answered, as soon as the question came
out of Tino’s mouth.
“That was my dream, you know, to be a showgirl. I even appeared at small
clubs around Vegas. I started to make a name for myself and had even been
asked to be the understudy for the lead in Medusa.”
I was impressed, that used to be the biggest show in Vegas.
“So what happened, did you say yes?” I asked while totally captivated with
the conversation.
“I said yes, but then I found out I was pregnant with Lanell. That was it for
me, you know how it is in Vegas, you snooze you lose. So I got married, went
back to college, and became a college professor, but a girl can still dream,” she
said smiling at what seemed like a distant thought.
“What do you mean dream, you’re a showgirl for me damn near every
night,” Lanell’s father said while leaning into his wife and patting her ass. I
laughed as Robin blushed and leaned into her husband.
“Damnnnn, dude, who is this?”
Right away I knew that this was Lanell’s younger brother. He was just as
fine and looked like he was also molded from his parent’s cloth. Both him and
his brother seemed to have gotten the best attributes from the two people they
called mom and dad. Tino’s younger son, who was named after him, looked
more like him, chiseled face, short haircut that shined with natural waves, and
smooth skin with no facial hair. He had his father’s eyes which weren’t gray but
were just as sexy as Lanell’s. Both his eyebrows and lashes were dark, full, and
soft. He was also tall, I would give him about 6’2 with a body that begged to be
touched. Damn, they had some good genes. I knew Robin must have gotten
some trouble out of not only her sons, but also their father.
“Jasmine, this is my brother Valentino. Excuse him as he wipes the drool
from his mouth.
I watched as Valentino pretended to wipe his mouth, we all laughed.
“You damn right I’m drooling, she’s nice, she should be my date,” Valentino
said without taking his eyes off of me.
“And which one of your dates did you bring?” Lanell asked but got no
answer.
“Men,” Robin said as she shook her head.
“Hey Jasmine, happy you could come, heard so much about you, maybe we
can sit and talk a little later?”
That Valentino was so fine that I melted right into his flirtation. My smile
was as big as the whole damn room. I knew it was wrong but it just happened, I
couldn’t help it.
“Sure you can talk to us,” I managed to get out. Lanell pulled me closer and
wrapped his arm around my waist.
“That’s right, you heard her, US.”
Everyone who was in ear shot giggled. I stood by as Lanell, Valentino, and
their mother and father loved on one another with hugs, kisses, and admiration. I
could tell that their house was always full of love and happiness. I wished I had
that and couldn’t help but hope that his family would become mine.

*****
 The whole night was magical. It turned out that I was nervous for no reason
at all. Everyone made me feel so at home and welcomed. It was as if I had
known them all of my life. By the middle of the night I had talked to virtually
everyone there. They all wanted to hear about my life in Vegas and thank God
that the things that I did say were true, even if I only did them part-time for the
time being. Lanell told his parents the news about the club and they seemed
really happy for him. While speaking to a group of teenagers who seemed to be
smitten with the thought of the life I lead with their family member, I saw Lanell
and his father get up and walk out of the room, probably to go talk about me.
Twenty minutes later I saw his father come back without him. I waited another
ten minutes before getting up to go look for him. I looked all over and right
when I was about to give up, I saw Valentino walking my way.
“You seem lost.”
I got chills as soon as the words left his mouth. It was like déjà vu, his
brother had said the same thing to me when we first met.
“No, I’m just looking for Lanell, have you seen him?”
He didn’t answer, he just smiled the said.
“You know Jazzy, my brother really likes you.”
He gently pulled my hand and took me over to the ramp. We stood there
overlooking the bottom half of the restaurant.
“I really love him, too; that’s my boo.”
Again, he looked at me with those sexy eyes of his and smiled.
“I’m about to tell you something that I probably shouldn’t but you seem cool
enough.”
I held my breath as I waited.
“I’m the only one here, well as far as I know, I’m the only one here who
knows what my brother really does. Now if anyone does know, they know better
than to bring that shit up. So where I’m trying to get to is that I also know about
you.”
I got a knot in my stomach as big as a basketball and he could see that I was
uncomfortable.
“No worries,” he said patting my shoulders.
“I’m not one to judge, hell, I’m a fan.”
I smiled at his honesty.
“I don’t know how close you and my brother are but I have a secret life of
my own so your secret life is safe with me. Plus I’m told that you won’t be in
that life for too long anyways. From what I hear my brother is about to----.”
 He stopped talking as something caught his eye. His face became angered
and disgusted. I tried to find who or what he was looking at but there were too
many people downstairs.
“Excuse me Jazzy, I got to handle something.”
He was running down the stairs before I could even say, “No problem.”
I was about to head back to the party when something caught my own eye. I
stopped, did a double take and just stood there. It couldn’t be, wait why is he
touching her like that…oh, hell no. I took the stair down slowly making sure not
to miss a second of what I was watching. There he was kissing, caressing, and
loving on some bitch that I had never seen before. The closer I got the more
clear their conversation became.
“When are you gonna move down here and give up that bullshit office job
you have out in L.A. I told you that I could get you a job where I’m working,
plus I hate spending nights without you. I can’t continue to do this when the
baby comes you know?”
I watched as he reached over and rubbed his hands on what looked to be her
four or five month pregnant stomach.
“I’m gonna put in my notice soon baby don’t worry about. I know that you
need me, and there no way I’m gonna still be in L.A. once my son gets here.”
I should have had steam coming out of my ears. I was so mad that I wanted
to run up to his table, pour the drink that I’m sure was an alcoholic beverage on
his head, and take the candle that was on the table and light his ass on fire. As
they continued to kiss, touch and talk, I pulled my cell phone out of my purse
and started to snap pictures. After taking about ten of them, I went to the video
button and pressed record. I knew that the sound wouldn’t be that clear but I
could always tell Jamar what I heard that asshole saying to his chick on the side.
But the question was how in the hell was I going to tell him THIS? Tyree was
the love of his life yet there he sat with a girl who was about to have his baby, he
was even planning on leaving Jamar to move out to Santa Barbara, and it
sounded like his move would be happening soon. FUCK!
After filming two five minute videos I headed back upstairs. I must have
looked sick because Lanell came up to me and asked if I was okay.
“Oh…yeah, umm, I’m fine. Where were you, I went looking for you?”
“My dad and I had a talk, then we went to his car 'cause he had to give me
something. Are you sure you’re okay?”
My mind was on Jamar at the moment and what I had just seen, but I wasn’t
going to bring it up at the party. I quickly kissed his lips and assured him that I
was okay. I played normal for the rest of the night. I sat and listened to people
talk about how great love was and how Robin and Tino were meant for each
other from day one. I smiled and awed at all the right places although my mind
was no longer in the room.

*****

The next morning Lanell and I got dressed to have lunch at his parent’s
house before he drove me back to L.A. I still hadn’t told him what I saw at the
restaurant and since we were in such high spirits, I kept it to myself for the time
being. Plus I had slept on it and got over the initial shock of it by the next
afternoon.
“My brother said that he spoke to you while I was out talking to my dad?”
He asked this because I had said nothing to him about the conversation with
Valentino. He thought that I would be a little upset that his brother knew the
truth I tried so hard to hide.
“Yeah, I know that he knows,” I said cutting to the chase.
“I’m so sorry Jasmine, I had told him about you way before so it was too late
to lie to him. He’s cool though, we won’t---.”
“Don’t worry about it baby, I know the deal.”
“You do?”
He was shocked.
“Yeah, I know that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I figured that you
must have told him about me way before. Plus he said that he’s a fan,” I said
laughing.
“He said that shit?” Lanell asked, while shaking his head and smiling.
“Did he tell you what he does?”
“No, but he said that he had his own secrets,” I told him with a growing
curiosity.
“What does he do?”
Lanell stared to laugh while I hung on to every one of his words.
“He’s a hoe, a male hoe.”
“WHAT? What do you mean?”
He was really laughing now. My face was priceless.
“He gets paid to sleep with women out in Miami. He gets paid well too. I’m
talking trips around the world, cars, jewelry, anything you can think of, he gets it
to throw the D.”
I was speechless. He had to be kidding me.
“You think I’m lying don’t you, well go ahead and ask him, he won’t lie to
you.”
I must have laughed for the rest of the car ride. Once in front of his parent’s
house I collected myself enough to get out of the car.
“You Dash brothers are something else. You’re throwing D your way and his
definitely throwing it his way,” I told Lanell with a light chuckle.
“And you love every bit of it,” he said as he rang the doorbell. The whole
time at his parents’ house, I couldn’t get Velentino’s profession out of my mind.
I smiled every time I pictured him “at work”. It wasn’t such a bad way to occupy
my mind at all. At one point in the day Lanell went up to him and whispered
something in his ear, and by his brother’s face, I knew that he had told him that I
knew about his secret life as a male escort. While Lanell laughed so hard that he
had to hold his sides his brother looked at me, smiled, winked, and shook his
head yes. From that moment I knew that Lanell hadn’t lied to me.
By that night, I was back in my apartment, in my bed, with Lanell next to
me, it had been so long since he had been there and we had come so far from
that first night we stayed up talking in my apartment. I wanted him to stay longer
but by the next afternoon I was driving him to the airport and saying goodbye to
my baby-love. I savored the taste of his honey coated lips and breathed in the
scent of his intoxicating cologne. I would miss him just as much as I always did
when we were forced to say, “See you soon.”
 Chapter 26

“Your boy tried to kill me.”

The stretch limo finally pulled up outside of the hospital. Eddie parked, and
ran around to let me out, but I was already opening the door. There were some
people standing around outside, who were staring, and trying to figure out who I
was, but I seriously doubt any of them recognized me. Since Eddie was so nice,
and went out of his way to get me to the hospital as fast as he could I handed
him two hundred dollar bills out of the suit case, and then ran inside the
emergency room. Inside I had no idea where to go, I was confused and looking
around for any sign of direction. DeeDee spotted me before I could grab the
nearest nurse.
“Boy, what the fuck took you so long to get here?”
I ignored her question because I was too worried. Plus, she obviously forgot
I was at a “business meeting.”
“Where's Tyree? What happened?”
“Shit, I don't know, they've been so busy, and acting like they can't take a
second to give a bitch some information.”
“Then how do you know he’s here?”
“The hospital tried calling you a few times, but you didn't pick up, so I'm
assuming Tyree had them call me. When I spoke to the lady on the phone, all she
would tell me was that Tyree was in a car accident.”
“This is crazy, watch out.”
Without even realizing it, I slightly pushed DeeDee out of the way, so I
could get to the nurse's station. The nurse looked up when she heard me coming.
“Excuse me.”
She looked back down and continued writing.
“Miss, I know you heard me. Can you tell me where Tyree Jones is?”
“Who are you looking for?” She asked as if she was annoyed.
 I repeated his name, and looked at her like I'm not the one you want to get
smart with. Even though I'm as sweet as sugar, I wanted her to know I'd cuss her
out.
“He's being seen by a doctor right now.”
“Can I see him?”
“And you are?”
“I'm his boyfriend.”
“Oh, okay. He was asking about you when he arrived, but you can't see him
right now. Have a seat and as soon as he's allowed to have visitors, I'll let you
know.”
I was frustrated as I turned back around because I had to wait to figure out
what the hell happened to Tyree. I started looking for DeeDee to see where she
was sitting. When I finally spotted her I stopped in my tracks, and stared at her
giving her the evil eye. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to bring Ebony to the
hospital with her. I was disgusted and wasn’t prepared to see her, but I finally
stormed over to them.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?”
“Calm down Jamar.” DeeDee replied.
“CALM DOWN, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? IT'S BAD
ENOUGH I HAVE TO SEE HER AT WORK, AND NOW YOU BROUGHT
HER HERE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?”
“Jamar, you haven't even let me explain yet. We were already out getting our
nails done when the hospital called. I wasn't going to drive her home then have
to come back up here when I was already in the area.”
She stopped talking and turned to look at Ebony.
“See I told your ass to stay in the car.”
Ebony sucked her teeth, and rolled her eyes before responding.
“I told your ass to leave the truck running, but you didn't want to waste your
gas. I wasn't staying in that sweat box as hot as it is today.”
DeeDee looked at her like talk to me like that again, and you'll need to be
admitted in the ER, so Ebony quickly looked away and put her head down, and
went back to playing on her cell phone. By that point everyone in the waiting
room was staring at us, so I didn't want to continue causing a scene. The tension
was thick, and all three of us were quiet. My thoughts kept shifting from Tyree
being hurt, to Tyree fucking that bitch. After about ten minutes Ebony finally
looked up and spoke.
“Jamar, can we please talk?”
 Was this bitch serious? I thought we were clear that I never wanted to see or
speak to her ever again. Then, I figured I would try to embarrass her, and let our
audience, who I noticed we’re still looking and listening know the type of person
she was.
“Oh, you want to talk, huh? Well, sure we can talk. I see you found someone
else to use and live off of. Are you fucking DeeDee’s man when she’s sleeping
too?”
“Excuse me, I beg your pardon,” Ebony replied with attitude.
“You heard me.”
DeeDee looked up and turned her head so fast to look at Ebony’s reaction
before adding her two cents in.
“We’re waiting.”
“What? Are you serious DeeDee?”
“Hell yeah, answer the question, bitch,” DeeDee replied, with a smirk on her
face.
“DeeDee now you know you’re my girl. I would never do anything to betray
you.”
“I know I’m just fucking with you. Besides, I would never leave my man
alone with you, I know better.”
Ebony’s mouth was wide opened, and she looked surprisingly shocked at
DeeDee’s response.
“You better not DeeDee. I was her boy, and you see what she did to me.”
“Oh, I know. I’m not stupid. I learned from your lesson.”
“You two aren’t just going to talk about me like I’m not here.”
“Oh, we know you’re there, whoever you are, because you damn sure aren’t
real, or a friend.”
“Look, Jamar I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, and I doubt we’ll be
friends again, but I think you should know Tyree was the one who seduced me. I
was vulnerable, and missed the feeling of having a man. Someone I could lie in
bed with, someone who wanted to hold me, not just fuck me, and then leave me.
I also think you should know… I’m still in love with him, and that’s the real
reason why I didn’t wait in the car.”
“WHATTTT?” DeeDee screamed out loud.
I didn't know what to say, but I knew what to do. I jumped across the chair
and hit Ebony in her face so hard that her head jerked back almost hitting the
wall.
“Oh, shit he hit her,” I heard some young guy sitting by us yell out.
 While Ebony was trying to figure out what just happened I started choking
the shit out of her. I had both hands around her neck squeezing as hard as I
could. I wasn't going to kill her, but I wanted that evil bitch to damn near black
out before I planned on letting up. The fear I saw in her eyes let me know she'd
never test me again.
“Someone help her, he's going to kill her,” some old lady screamed.
Right when I was about to tell her if she even looked at Tyree again I'd kill
her, two hot males nurses, one white, one black, came out of nowhere and pulled
me off of her.
“Here take my keys and go wait out in the car, but you're filling my gas tank
up when we leave. Trust me you'll thank me later because that death stare that
Jamar is giving you doesn't look good,” DeeDee said as she interrupted my
daydream, bringing me back to reality.
“You low down, dirty, disgusting bitch, you're lucky we are in a room full of
people right now, especially those nurses because I was a millisecond away from
jumping up, and if I did, I was gonna try MY BEST to fuck you up.”
“I wish you wou...”
Before Ebony could finish her comment, DeeDee covered her mouth with
her hand.
“Girl, take your disrespectful ass out to the car right now, you know you're
wrong for that shit. Now I'm starting to get pissed,” DeeDee said as she was
damn near pushing Ebony up out of her chair. I didn’t even think about what I
did next, but as Ebony walked in front of my chair, I stuck my leg out causing
her to trip up; but that lucky bitch didn't fall on her face like I pictured, she was
able to catch her balance.
“You're lucky I didn't fall.”
“No, you're lucky I didn't choke the shit out of you.”
“It's all good, you'll never have what your man really desires, and you'll end
up all alone and devastated… eventually.”
That hoe hit a nerve in me that made me jump up, but before I could do
anything DeeDee grabbed me, and held me back. Ebony strutted away laughing
as if she knew something I didn't know.
“DeeDee, you better control your bitch.”
“Don't worry about it Jamar, she's gone. Trust me, I had no idea she would
take it there. I pictured that going totally different in my head. I really wanted
her to wait in my truck, but when she refused I thought it would be the perfect
time for you two to talk. I assumed she'd apologize, or if anything cry and beg
for your forgiveness.”
Before I could reply my thoughts were interrupted.
“Excuse me. Is everything okay over here?”
Neither one of us replied. DeeDee and I just looked at the nurse like she
should mind her own business.
“Well anyway I just wanted to let you know that Mr. Jones is okay, and he
can have visitors now.”
The nurse didn’t say anything else she just led the way to Tyree’s room. As
soon as I entered I was relieved to see that he was up and he seemed okay, but I
was sad when I saw that he was all bandaged up, and his arm was in a cast. He
smiled as soon as he saw me, which let me know everything would be all right.
However, I still wanted to know how he ended up in the hospital.
“Oh, my God, Tyree are you okay?” I asked as I grabbed his hand, and
gently kissed him on the lips.
“Yeah, I’m okay now, thank God.”
“Baby, what happened?” I asked softly and sincerely as my eyes started to
get watery as I looked at the love of my life laid up in a hospital bed.
“Your boy tried to kill me.”
“My boy? What are you talking about?”
I was so lost, and confused. I wished he’d spit it out already.
“Karma, he tried to kill me.”
“What? Why would he do that?”
None of it made sense to me. I’ve always thought Karma was a little off, but
why would he want to hurt Tyree? I didn’t think he was capable of killing
someone, but then again how well did I really know him?
“Well, I’m not a hundred percent sure, but he got arrested, so the police are
investigating it. They should be questioning him as we speak.”
“Are you serious? Tell us everything and start from the beginning.”
“Well, he called and asked me if I wanted to go out for some drinks and get
high. I was finished with work and bored so I decided to go. Everything was
good at first. We had lunch, laughed, and talked like we’ve been boys for years.
That was until he got a few drinks in him, and sniffed some coke. After that he
wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

*****
 Karma and I left the sports bar, both feeling good and tipsy. Before we
pulled out of the parking lot we decided to smoke a blunt in Blaze’s truck first.
“So how long have you and Jamar been dating?”
“About two years now, why?”
“I’m just wondering. How is everything going between you two? I heard you
go out of town a lot?”
If this dude keeps asking me about Jamar I’m calling it a night. I came out to
have fun, not talk about my relationship.
“Were doing great, are you writing a book about us or something? Damn
you ask a lot of questions.”
“What’s Jamar’s favorite kind of cologne?”
What the fuck? This dude’s mind is all over the place. What the fuck was he
snorting earlier, because he is not the same person I was speaking to earlier.
“Yo, why the fuck do you keep asking questions about my boy?”
“Don't get buck, Tyree, I'm asking because now that I'm dating Blaze, I
wanna know how long the honeymoon phase will last.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I see the way you look at Krave, I mean Jamar as if he's just your boy, and
not you lover. You even called him that yourself. If I had a man as fine as him I'd
be staring him down, and making love to him 24-7. Since you're not doing those
things, there has to be someone else in the picture.”
“Nigga, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and you don't
know my life. Take me the fuck home before we have a problem.”
“Look, I wasn't trying to make you mad; I was just stating the obvious and
trying to look out for Jamar.”
“Damn, he must've really dicked you down cuz you're on his dick hard.”
“If you really want to know he did work me over, I can't stop thinking about
it. I've been trying to get Breeze to set up another scene for us, but he said
Jamar's schedule is too full right now.”
Hold up he's sweating Jamar? I'm the light skin, big dick, pretty nigga at
Fantasy Pictures. He should be sweating me. Something isn't right here, but I
know how to fix that.
“The reason you're all on Jamar's dick is because you haven't had mine
yet.”
I didn't even bother to look at his reaction, or wait to hear his response. I
just pulled my semi hard dick out and started jerking it until my shit was on rock.
I knew his young and willing ass wouldn't be able to resist it.
“Oh, my God, you're dick is huge! I remember seeing it once in a picture on
the company website, and thought it was big and now that I've seen it in person I
don’t know how anyone can take that shit.”
I didn't say anything because I could tell by the lust filled look in his eyes he
wanted it. I grabbed his small smooth hand, and put it on my dick. He couldn't
even close his hand around my thick piece. He didn't reject my invitation and he
knew exactly what to do with it. He stroked it a few times instead of instantly
going down on me, because he didn't want to look so hungry, but just as I
thought he had to have it. His oral skills were okay. I could tell he wasn't used to
dicks my size; but I knew with time he'd be on Supa head’s status. While he was
serving me up, I stuck my hands down the back of his jeans and started rubbing
on his smooth bubble butt. I couldn't resist playing with his hole, so I put two of
my fingers in my mouth to get them nice and wet before I started exploring.
Feeling how tight he was inside made me crave more than just head. I knew
Blaze had condoms and lube in his glove department from hanging out and
fucking him in the past. That freak was always prepared and never left home
without them. I reached forward, and opened up the glove box so I could get the
items I needed.
“Take off your clothes nigga and get in the back, oh, and put the seats
down,” I demanded.
“Huh, for what? I can finish this up here?”
“Don't play dumb nigga, you know why. Besides, I rarely cum from head.”
“I don't think I can take your dick, it's too big.”
“Yo, hurry the fuck up and stop playing. I need to get home soon, and don't
worry I'll be gentle.”
I was lying. I couldn't tell you how many times I've used that line on bitches,
and as soon as I was in deep enough I'd beat it up. Nine times out of ten they'd
cum quick from my stroke game and moan out in ecstasy begging me not to stop;
but not Karma, he kept squirming and running from me, he was too tense from
the thought of us getting caught.
“I swear to God, yo, if you don't stay still and let me get it, I'm gon' rape
your ass.”
“I'm trying, but it hurts,” he pleaded.
“Well, just fucking relax already, no one is going to catch us. Get high again
if you have to.”
Sure enough he reached in his pants pocket, pulled out a baggie, made two
long straight lines of white powder, rolled up a 20 dollar bill in the shape of a
straw, and sniffed both lines up his nose. I watched as his eyes rolled up in the
back of his head, he was feeling the effects, so I knew he'd be ready for me now.
I bent him over and didn't waste any time getting back inside of him. Now Karma
was taking my dick like a pro. Once he started moaning I sped up and was
banging his back out as hard as I could. His moans would turn into screams,
then back into moans over and over again. I pushed him down so he was lying
flat on his stomach and went to work for at least 20 minutes straight, as his high
came down he would try to get up, or move but I'd push him right back down,
hold him still, and keep going. It was so good that I wished I could've used him
for my pleasure all day, but happy hour was starting and the crowds were
coming in and out of the bar so I had to force myself to cum, however it didn't
take much effort since I had been holding out for a while. After I pulled out, I
took off the cum-filled condom, wrapped it up in some napkins, and threw it out
the window. I quickly got dressed and realized Karma was still lying down and
lightly moaning.
“Mannnn, what the fuck are you doing? Hurry up and get dressed. I told you
ass already I don't have all night. I wanna get home before Jamar does.”
Karma slowly got up to put his clothes on. I knew by looking at his body
language, and from experience, that I stretched him out good and he'd feel me
inside of him for the next day or two. I left my mark hoping he'd forget all about
Jamar, but I didn't get what I had hoped for. As we were pulling out of the
parking lot, that little motherfucka still asked me questions about my boy.
“So do you think if I break up with Blaze, we, meaning you, Jamar, and
myself could work something out? I'd loved to date you both, we could do
threesomes, or I’ll be there when one of you isn't in the mood, or when you're
out of town I'll fulfill Jamar's needs.”
“Look, shorty, it ain't happening point blank. Jamar is crazy in love with me,
and I already got too much going on to deal with you. Just stay with Blaze and
hope and pray you get to film some movies with us from time to time.”
“Okay, I see how you are now.”
“Whatever, it is what it is, so stop with the fucking questions already?”
“Fine, but I have to ask you one last question.”
“WHAT, YO?”
Okay, now his drunk ass was irritating the fuck outta me. I started thinking I
should've just caught a cab home.
“Do you think if you weren't in the picture Jamar would consider dating
me?”
I noticed as he asked his last question, he started speeding up. By the time I
looked forward and realized we were going through a red light, I had no
reaction time and couldn't do anything so I tensed up. I heard and felt the strong
impact on my right side before I blacked out from either the force, out of fear, or
both.
“So you mean to tell me, you had a few drinks, and as soon as you left the
bar he tried to kill you by running a red light?”
“That's exactly what happened.”
“Did you ever think that he was just too drunk and too high to drive and you
should've called for a cab?”
“Ever since I came to I wished I had, but the more I think about it I'm
convinced he tried to kill me.”
“Baby, Karma is definitely a little strange, but he wouldn't risk killing
himself or going to jail for murdering someone right after hanging out with the
person. It was an accident.”
“Whatever, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.”
I felt like Tyree wasn't telling me the whole story, but there wasn't much I
could do about it. He rolled his eyes, and started getting frustrated like a bitch,
and didn't want to talk about it anymore. At that moment I thought about my
mother, because she would always say “What is done in the dark will come to
light.”
“Well, Ty, I'm glad you're alive, and I hope everything is going to be okay. I
gotta get outta here. I don't like hospitals; Lord knows I've been to enough of
them, and who knows what Ebony is doing in my truck. She might've fucked
around and left me.”
“A'ight, DeeDee, thanks for coming and for calling Jamar. Oh, and...never
mind, I'll holla at you later.”
DeeDee gave me a hug and told me to be safe, and that she'd call me later.
The nurse walked back in and said Tyree would have to stay overnight because
they were waiting on the x-ray results. The doctor wanted to make sure there
was no internal bleeding, or other serious injuries. Tyree told me to go ahead and
go home, but there was no way I was leaving my man like that. I gave him a
kiss, caught a cab home to put my suitcase in a safe hiding spot until I could get
to the bank, I sent Mr. Visage a text explaining what happened, apologized for
the way I left, and told him next time I’d turn my phone off and he'd have me all
to himself. Then, I finally grabbed some clean clothes for Tyree and myself and
headed back to the hospital. As I walked back in his room he asked if I had any
weed on me, and we both laughed. I apologized for forgetting his favorite thing,
gave him a kiss, and finally I lied up next to him and we watched some TV until
we fell asleep.
 Chapter 27

“I’m sorry Jamar but I had to tell you.”

I spent the day after Lanell left at the spa. I pampered myself by getting a full
body massage, my hair and nails done, a facial, and full body wax. Once I was
done and dressed, it was around six in the evening and I got a strong urge to see
my friends. I hadn’t seen them since the whole fiasco at the warehouse so I gave
them a call. I dialed DeeDee first.
“Hey bitch, whatcha doin'?”
“Not a damn thing. Bobby and I just came from an early dinner since he got
to work tonight, why, you wanna hang?”
“Hell yeah, I’m gonna call Jamar and see what’s up with him, but I’m gonna
tell him to meet us a half an hour later ‘cause we need to talk.”
The words hadn’t even left my mouth yet and she was already asking what I
needed to talk to her about.
“Just get over to my house. I’m leaving the spa now, and if you can, stop and
get that from Blaze---.”
“Owww, girl, I’m on my way and I just re-upped, so we're good on the
green.”
I got into the car before calling Jamar. I knew that I needed to tell him about
Tyree but still didn’t know how he was going to take it.
“Hey lover, where you been, I can’t even get a phone call or nothing?” I
asked before laughing. I knew that this is what he was planning on saying to me
so I beat him to the punch.
“Bitch please, you get with Lust and it’s like “Fuck the rest of the world”.
You know I was only giving you one more day before I got real nasty on you
answering machine, right?”
“I know, I know, but you know how it is?” I asked but wanted to yank my
tongue out right after I said it. Here I was about to break this horrible news to
him yet I’m telling him he knows what it’s like to be with the man you love.
“So what are you doing today, feel like hanging out?” I asked as if I was
erasing my slip of the tongue.
“I’m game, plus I have some shit I gotta tell you. Some crazy things have
been going on and you know I need your ear.”
Damn I hope he didn’t want to speak to me alone, I had already invited
DeeDee.
“I already asked DeeDee to come, is that okay?”
“Oh, yeah that’s cool, plus she already knows what’s up.”
I told him to meet me at my house in an hour or so. I wanted to have plenty
of time to talk to DeeDee.
By the time I got home DeeDee was already there waiting for me. I could tell
that she was dying to know what I wanted to talk to her about.
“Damn girl, what did you do, fly over?” I asked as I greeted her with a hug
and friendly kiss. She was as stunning as always. Tall, smooth cocoa skin, regal,
and almost queen like, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Even her stance was
strong, giving off an air of importance. Her cat-like arrogance dared to be
offended and slowed you down. She made you feel like nothing about her was to
be missed, and therefore you had to stop and look.
“You know I got to get my news hot off the press. Now let’s go upstairs, roll
up, smoke, up and spill the mothafuckin' beans.”

*****

I sat there and watched DeeDee lick, split, fill, and roll the long game blunt
and admired her skills. We all knew that if you wanted a well rolled fat blunt,
call on her.
“So, go ahead and let it out, I’m about to light up.”
I still said nothing. I didn’t speak until I felt the effect of the herb seep
through my body. The feeling of clarity yet fogginess relaxed me and I knew
that I was ready to talk.
“Well after Vegas, Lanell asked me to go to Santa Barbara to a family thing
and I said yes.”
“Ooookaaaayyy,” she said, drawing out the word, prompting me to get to the
point.
 “Well, while there, I saw Tyree with someone else.”
She took in a deep drag only to choke on it as I finished my sentence. She
passed me the blunt and tried to clear her throat before said, “What do you mean,
who in the hell was he with?”
Telling her wouldn’t give the effect that I wanted so I took out my phone and
showed her the pictures that I had taken.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?”
I put my finger up to my lips and shushed her. I didn’t want Jamar to arrive
and hear our conversation. I went over what I saw at the restaurant and still tried
to make sense of it myself.
“You mean to tell me that he’s really not gay, but what about Jamar, that’s
his boyfriend?”
DeeDee was just as confused as me. She spent the next ten minutes asking
questions I had no answers to.
“So how are you gonna tell him this shit?”
DeeDee started to roll two more blunts but I stopped her.
“Go ahead and make that three, he’ll be here soon and he’s going to need it
more than us. As far as how I’m gonna tell him, I still don’t know.”
“This nigga is just triflin’. How he gonna have a girl all this time and do
what he does? Plus she’s about to have a baby…I don’t think any of us really
knows that dude. If he could do something like this…what won’t he do?”
I sat there in my haze filled rage and hated Tyree more than I ever did. Not
only was he betraying my friend but now I was dragged into it by error. Now I
had to be the one to break what I’m sure would be devastating news, fucking
asshole.
When Jamar knocked on the door, it was like a rude awakening. I knew that
the time had come and I needed to shit or get off of the pot.
“You sure you don’t want to tell him?” I asked DeeDee even though I knew
that I had to be the one to do it. I just wanted to see if she would take the bait and
somehow save me from being the bearer of bad news.
“Girl…no I not telling him that shit, plus you are the one who was there, you
heard everything firsthand, sorry, but you gotta do it.”
She was right, there was no use trying to find an out.
“Hey lover, missed you,” I said to him as I gave him a tight hug. My heart
was racing as if I had run ten miles, but I didn’t let it show.
“Oh, you miss me now? What about when you were under Lust getting
dicked down, did you think of me then?” he asked and waited for me to answer.
 “Hell no, I was thinking about Lanell, and only Lanell,” I said as we took our
seats. DeeDee handed him the long fat blunt she rolled for him and I picked up
my own. We all lit up and within ten minutes Jamar was filling me in about what
went down when I was gone.
“You mean that dude I pushed into the pool at your barbeque?”
He didn’t seem so crazy to me then, but I didn’t know him so I couldn’t say.
“Yes girl, and now he’s at my house all of the time and pushing up on me. I
liked it at first but once I realized that he was crazy and stalking me, I was so
over it.”
“So how do you know that he crashed the car on purpose?”
Jamar took a big pull off of his blunt before answering me.
“I don’t,” he said in the “I have smoke in my lung” voice.
“That’s why I haven’t really gone to the cops. Even Tyree’s confuse about
the whole thing. My baby was in so much pain when I got to the hospital. I
almost lost my shit on the drive there.”
“Damn Jamar, why didn’t you call me?”
I could hear the emotion in his voice when he talked about Tyree. This was
making it harder for me to tell him.
“I knew you were with your man, I didn’t want to ruin that time for you
since it’s so far and few. Plus DeeDee was there. I knew that she would have my
back if I went crazy.”
“That’s right, you know I got your back,” DeeDee said slapping five with
him.
“I know, but you ain’t have to bring Ebony’s ass with you.”
I almost spit out my diet coke.
“She brought who?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I wish I was there for that confrontation.
“Okay, okay, I didn’t think. But, she said she wanted to go and see if he was
okay---”
“Of course she did,” I said between laughter.
“No, that’s not all, she said she also wanted to speak to Jamar and apologize.
She’s really been talking about how sorry she is about everything.”
Jamar and I looked at each other and laughed.
“Fuck that bitch, she should be sorry. Just as sorry as he should be.”
That slipped. I didn’t mean to say it…but I did.
“You’re right, but I was just trying to dead all the bullshit. I just thought that
we could air things out and even if they were never friends again, well maybe
they could be.”
“Could be what, friends?” Jamar asked with a disgusted face.
“HELL NO, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.”
I smoked and laughed to myself. I guess it’s easier forgiving a lover than it is
a friend.
“So, what’s been going on with you?” Jamar asked after going over all of the
things I missed while out of town. DeeDee looked over at me and I knew what
she was thinking.
“Why don’t you roll us another round of blunts, I’ll get us some more
drinks?”
I went into the kitchen and took out the strong stuff. I took out the martini
glasses, but then said fuck it; I took the long glasses instead. I made three very
strong pomegranate martinis and filled the glasses up to the brim.
“Hey DeeDee, would you mind helping me?” I asked as Jamar headed to the
bathroom. I waited for the sound of the door closing before freaking out.
“I don’t think that I can tell him. Did you hear how he was talking, my baby
this, and my boo that? There’s no way I can deliver this blow.”
DeeDee looked at me as if she wanted to slap me. I was really freaking out.
My hands were shaking and my heart was still beating out of control.
“He has to know Jazzy, you gotta tell him. You saw that shit with your own
two eyes, it’s not like you’re making it up, he has to know who he’s dealing
with.”
That shit was easy for her to say, she didn’t have to do anything but sit back
and watch the fireworks.
“Okay, okay, just help me bring these in.”
We went back to the living room and waited for him to come out of the
bathroom. I waited for both him and me to finish our drinks, and as the cigar
wrapper inched its way closer to our flesh, I decide to speak or forever hold my
peace. I started out by telling him about my time with Lanell, about the club we
planned on opening, and then the anniversary dinner.
“Damn, Jazzy, that dude really loves you. I can’t believe he wants to open a
club with you, plus to name it after you; that’s so nice. You know I’m going to
be there all the time, do Tyree and I get free drinks?” he asked while smiling
from ear to ear.
“What about me, you know I’m gonna be there at least twice a month, with
or without Bobby?”
“Free drinks for everyone,” I told both him and DeeDee. Now why did he
have to add Tyree in the mix?
“Guess who Jazz saw in Santa Barbara?”
I could have killed DeeDee, but she must have sensed my reluctance to spill
the beans.
“Who, don’t tell me you ran into Tyree. He was there this past weekend
working?”
The room seemed to be closing in. I fidgeted with my shirt as he waited on
my answer.
“Well…who was it?”
“I did see him, Tyree I mean. He was at the restaurant.”
“Okayyyyyy?”
It was more of a question then a statement. He could tell that everything
wasn’t kosher by my tone and facial expression and he wanted to know what
was up.
“He didn’t tell me that he ran into you. He didn’t say anything rude to you
did he?”
I shifted in my seat as I waited for the right words to come to mind.
“Ummm, no he wasn’t rude. As a matter of fact, he didn’t see me at all, but I
did see him.
“Okayyyy.”
Again, he waited for more information
“Well, I was talking to Lanell’s brother when I happened to look down and
saw Tyree at the table with this girl…a pregnant girl. And he, well he, from what
it looked like to me...”
“What did it look like?” Jamar asked standing up.
“I think that he was with her, like dating her.”
I spit the words out so fast that I was surprised I didn’t get tongue tied.
Jamar stared to laugh. I must have sound really crazy to him. Tyree with a
girl, please, he was gay, he was his lover, his man, his love. But could he have
forgotten about Ebony? I knew he didn’t, we were just talking about her. It had
to be denial.
“Maybe he was hanging with someone from work. You know that they do all
type of movies now, maybe she was some pregnant freak that he worked with or
something.”
As he sat back down, I stood up and walked over to him with my phone in
hand. I pushed play on the first video and as it ended, I played the next.
“I know that it’s hard to hear but if you listen closely, you’ll hear her ask
when he’s going to be moving down there, he tells her that he’s gonna put in his
notice soon.”
Jamar replayed both of the videos at least three times each. I watched as his
hand clung to the phone as they uncontrollably trembled. His breathing was
coming in faster and his eyes weld up with tears.
“I’m so sorry, Jamar, but I had to tell you.”
I was sitting on the arm of the chair as I wrapped my arm around his
shoulder. I could feel the rage filled tremors that ran through his body.
“Is that it?” he asked as he tried so desperately to keep himself together.
“There are pictures too.”
Jamar didn’t wait for me to show them to him, he went through my phone
and looked them up himself. One by one he saw the love of his life, kissing,
touching, and loving on the mystery girl. My heart hurt for him as the tears
really started to fall.
“How could that motherfucker do this to me? I gave him everything, and he
told me that Ebony would be his last time, and now this?”
DeeDee and I just sat there not knowing what to say. What do you say in this
situation? He paced my living room fuming, disgusted, and ready to kill. We
consoled him for the next thirty minutes or so but I don’t think that we were
much help. After a while, we just sat back, smoked, drank, and listened.
“You know what, fuck this? Fuck him, fuck our relationship and fuck love.
I’m over this bullshit. I’m over crying for this no good motherfucker when he
clearly doesn’t give a fuck, and that bitch is HAVING HIS BABY?”
He half way yelled as he wiped his tears away. I watched him closely, trying
to figure out if he was just putting on a show for us, trying to prove that he’s not
some love sick puppy who was hurt and confused. I watched his eyes, his hands,
and his body trying to find a lie, a hidden truth about his real emotions that he
was maybe trying to bury. However, the scary thing is, I couldn’t find it. Yes he
was upset and hurt but that was just on the surface, the expected. What wasn’t
the norm was how fast he was to be able to shove the hurt aside and lean on the
anger.
“So, what are you two trying to do tonight, and please don’t say nothing
‘cause if I go home I’m liable to kill that nigga.”
So we did what any good friend would do, we stayed with him, ordered in
food, and got fucked up.

*****
 *****

I heard from Jamar every day for the next week and that night, he was going
to a club appearance that was being held in the heart of L.A. with me. I had been
on the phone with him night and day since I gave him the bad news. That really
didn’t bother me, he was a friend who needed me, and I would be there at two in
the morning or two in the middle of the day. What was bothering me was that I
really hadn’t heard from Lanell. A call here and there but not like we used to
communicate, I was used to hearing from him 3, 4, 5 times a day. Now it had
been two full days since his last call, and I was losing my mind. I only had two
days till I would go to Vegas and see him but I didn’t like this not calling
business. I needed my Lanell fix so what did I do, I persistently called hoping
that I would hear his voice.
“Hey, I can’t talk, leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”
Again, his fucking voicemail, I can’t take this shit.
“So are you ready?” Jamar asked as he picked up my duffle bag. I nodded
yes and was out of the door before my thoughts caught back up with me again.
In the car, I asked Jamar how things were going at home. I need to talk to
stop myself from thinking.
“I still haven’t said anything to him. I feel like if I do, I’m gonna explode and
stab him, or worse. I just need time to figure out how to handle things.
“What, you gonna go to jail over some dude, please, dick ain’t worth all of
that?”
I said as I rolled my eyes.
“This is no longer about dick; it’s about the betrayal, the dishonesty, and the
knife in my motherfucking back. He walks around the house as if he’s not living
a double life, like he doesn’t have a baby on the way with a fucking FEMALE.
Every time I look at him…I just wanna, I wanna fucking light him on fire.”
I smiled as I watched Jamar white knuckled the steering wheel. That was the
same feeling I had in the restaurant.
“You must think I’m crazy, huh, talking about burning my man and all?”
He caught me smiling and felt like I was judging him. He didn’t want me to
see him like this but he couldn’t help it. When it comes to the matter of the heart,
no one should be held accountable for the unstable thoughts that creep through
their minds. In that state, we are all unhealthy, unbalanced, and incapable of
making the right choices, but then again, what about the people who are able to
stay calm. The ones who don’t let their broken hearts lead them down that
slippery slope that is stained with blood, lined with dead bodies, decorated with
fragments of traumatized hearts, and the keeper of the insane and the irrational
mind. What about those people who left that road untraveled, and where were
they, where did they hide, where was the sanity that housed their minds? How
could I get it, see it, learn it. How could I find them so that maybe they could tell
me what their secret was? How were they able to handle the hurt that had your
insides feeling like it had evaporated? The hurt that actually gives you chest
pains, as if all of the love you had to offer was dead and gone. Where were they,
‘cause I sure as hell never met them, never seen them, and didn’t understand
them? So I listened to his rant and prayed that sometime soon, he would be the
chemically balanced Jamar he always was.

*****

“Damn, girl this place is packed, are you nervous?” Jamar asked as he came
into the tiny locker room that held half naked stripper who click-clacked in and
out as their names were announced. I looked around and tried to wish myself to
the Black Oasis. It was nothing like this hole in the wall. There I had my own
dressing room, my own bathroom, and the dressing room there was nicely
decorated.
“Why are you looking like that, it’s not that bad in here,” Jamar said as he
noticed the disgust in my eyes.
Granted, it wasn’t that bad. It was clean and…and it was considered high
class for a strip club. Truth be told, I would have been happy performing here a
few months ago. It really wasn’t the hole in the wall I was making it out to be
but compared to Vegas, it was trash.
“I know, I’m just tripping, used to the high life now,” I said as I spoke in
proper English voice.
“It’s gonna be okay. You just have to put on a 20 minute set or so and that
will be it. After signing a couple of DVD’s and magazine covers, you’ll be
done.”
He was right; there really wasn’t nothing much to it. So I told myself to
cheer up. I was lucky to be making seven thousand for about two hours of work.
Plus, it wasn’t the club that had me feeling down, it was the lack of Lanell’s
calls.
 “Two minutes Jezebel,” the guy who was running the show announced.
Jamar walked me stage side and went and took his seat. I looked out and saw a
full house. I shook the nerves off and waited for the DJ to call my name. The
music came on and I got ready. Rude Boy by Rihanna came on and I walked out
and went to work.
“Come here, rude boy, boy, can you get it up? Come here rude boy, boy, is
you big enough?”
I let her seductive lyrics take over me and I became the secret slut Breeze
groomed me to be. I swayed my hips, rode the pole, climbed it, slid down,
spread my legs, and popped my ass like a seasoned stripper. Men came up to the
stage and slipped five, 10, 20, and 50 dollar bills down my G-string and top.
Once the second song ended and Do I, by Alice Smith came on per my song
request list, I slowed things down as she sang.
“I must express the way it feels to ride all day, without a care, conversation
and a coffee.”
I swung my hair, took off my top and crawled over to a hand I saw holding a
one hundred dollar bill. I sat at the edge of the stage and spread my legs and
wined my hips to the beat. Once my big tipper leaned forward, I saw his face. It
was Breeze, almost salivating over what used to be his. I felt his chilled hand
slide up my thigh as his eyes fucked me. As the music played, under the dimmed
lights, and the absence of Lanell’s affection, I reminisced on the lust we had. I
turned over and got on my knees, his favorite position. I leaned over, made my
chin touch the stage, and as Suitelady by Maxwell came one, I did a split and
worked my ass.
“It’s been so long since I have got you lady, since I have had your brown
legs wrapped around me. The smell of she just drives me crazy, imagine what the
sight of her can do, wooo.”
Damn, was that song true to form? He stood up and without me knowing,
grabbed me and turned me around. I watched as the security guard headed
toward the stage only to be stopped by the owner. Breeze was the prince on
Tinsel Town and could do whatever the fuck her wanted, and he knew that too.
He pulled me close and with his right hand pushed my chest down, asking
me to lie back without words. As Maxwell sang about not being the type of guy
who would want to settle down, Breeze lifted my left leg and put it on his
shoulder.
“Love can do, me and you.”
The song was our soundtrack as he leaned into my foot and kissed from my
high heeled toes, up to my thigh. The club was on fire as the patrons looked on
wishing that they had the power to do what he was doing. Once he got to my
garter, he leaned back up, stuck another hundred dollar bill in it and took his
seat. I had to force myself to stand up without falling. Breeze was a slimy
bastard but he did know how to turn my freak button on high. The last song I had
chosen, Pay Me by Miguel was coming on as I got back on the pole and sped up
my pace. I tried to let the music take hold of me and prayed that it would block
any further thoughts of Breeze fucking me.
“Give me Pound, give me Pound, give me Euro, give me Yen. I’m
international baby, I’m international baby, I’m international baby, I’m
international pay me.”
It wasn’t easy getting my energy back up to a level ten after almost cumming
right there on the stage, but I did. I worked my shit as I stole glances at the devil
I loved to hate. He was back to playing his game of human chess and yet again, I
was his queen to be had.

*****

“Girlllllll,” Jamar said, as he burst into the locker room.

“What the fuck was that about, you and Breeze. People were going crazy off
of that’s shit?”
“I don’t even know, it just happened, did you see him out there when you
when and sat down?” I asked as I cleaned myself up and changed clothes. I went
from my thong to a Fantasy Pictures baby-tee; very short shorts, and the staple
six-inch clear stripper platform heels.
“Nah, I didn’t see him at all but you two were on fire. You could feel the
sexual tension between y’all. Thank god Lust, I mean Lanell wasn’t here.”
He corrected himself after he remembered me asking him to call my man by
his real name and not his porn name. Calling him Lust was okay, but I now knew
his real name, and hearing it was music to my ears.
“Well, that’s all it is, tension,” I said, trying to convince myself more than
him.
“Yeah, okay, but I know what I saw. You two were ready to fuck the brakes
off of each other.”
“Okay, Jazz, they’ll be ready for you in a minute or two. They’re getting the
table ready now. Do you still want to come out to Lady’s Yankin’?”
I told him yes as Jamar and I laughed.
“You’re not really gonna walk out to that song are you?”
I stood up and threw my hands on my hips.
“You should have never put me on to it; I can’t get it out of my head. It’s
your fault so suffer through it.”
That was my new ghetto anthem. It was country, had a tight beat, and was
nasty. What else did you need in a strip club named Down South Sexy? They
were known to have the fattest asses that were imported from the south.
“I can’t even lie, I fuck betta when I’m drinkin’, ride dick like a pro, throw
the pussy like I’m famous.”
I bobbed my head to the beat as I walked out and took my seat at the table.
There was a long line of people waiting for the sign and meet and I would
deliver on every level. I stayed until everyone in line was served. I looked
around for Breeze while I met my fans but there was no sign of him, he was long
gone.

*****

“Hey Lanell, I don’t know what’s going on but you need to call me, are you
okay…just call and at least let me know if you’re okay.”
I ended the call and thought about calling again but what good would that
do? I had heard from him only twice in the past week and the last call a day and
a half ago was short…way too short for my liking. The phone rang, I picked up,
and he was brief.
“Hey Jasmine, how have you been?”
How have I been? I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself but instead I stayed
cool.
“Been doing okay, also been wondering where you’ve been. What keeping
you from calling?”
He took in a deep breath but didn’t say anything and I wasn’t in the mood for
his guessing game.
“Is there something wrong, if there is, you should just tell me? I thought
things were going good, but now, now you don’t even call. What about our
plans, our future---?”
 My mouth was moving faster than my brain and he could hear the confusion
in my voice.
“I can’t really talk but it’s not what you’re thinking. You’re still my love, but
look, I gotta go. Just know---.”
Now it was my turn to cut him off.
“Will I see you in Vegas?”
“I promised, didn’t I?”
“Well---.”
CLICK, he had hung up. WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? This was
not like him. He was holding things from me, hanging up on me, and not fucking
calling.
Shit, I had to go. The time on my phone read 10:00AM and I was set to fly
out of L.A. in the next hour. I grabbed my suit case and ran out of my apartment
to the waiting car. And although I was in a limo, flew to Vegas on a privet jet,
and had a room reserved at a top hotel, I wasn’t happy. And I wasn’t going to be
any happier once I got there either. Lanell wasn’t waiting for me at the airport as
usual, nor was he at the hotel. I put my bags away and went down to the front
desk.
“Has anyone been here asking for me?” I asked the young black girl who
was juggling the phones and live customers. She took my name and typed it into
the computer.
“No, there are no messages here saying that someone was here for you. But
you can check back with us in another hour. Tina went to lunch, maybe she
would know.”
She was nice and all but I wasn’t in the mood. I walked away from her
fuming. I went back to my room and blew his phone up to no avail.

*****

Later that day I went into the Black Oasis for rehearsal. My mood was still
foul and performing was the last thing on my mind.
“Okay, take five,” the choreographer said as I missed another step. I went
straight to my dressing room and dialed his number again. This time I got a
hello.
“Lanell?”
 “Bitch, you know this ain’t no mothafuckin’ Lanell.”
I started to hyperventilate.
“Who in the hell is this?”
“Who do you think this is?”
I could tell that she was smiling as she asked me this and it made my blood
boil.
“I don’t have time for your fucking games, put Lanell on the phone,” I
demanded.
“Oh, listen to this, you’re asking ME to put MY husband on the phone?” she
asked in a sarcastic tone.
“YOU FUCKING RIGHT I AM,” I was staring to yell without even
realizing it.
“And who the fuck are you supposed to be?”
“I’m the new bitch; you’re the old bitch so get over it. So now that we have
the introductions out of the way, give him the phone,” I said as I tried to get
some air in my lungs.
“Well, old must be new again ‘cause he’s here in my house, I’m in my bed.”
CLICK, she hung up. I looked at my phone and threw it against the wall that
was outside of my dressing room. I watched it shatter and didn’t give a shit
about it either. I picked up the closet thing beside me, which happen to be a vase
with fresh flowers in it, and chucked that at the wall too.
“Are you okay?”
Scarlett, my understudy happened to be walking by and ran into the room.
“What’s wrong Jazzy, wait, try and calm down.”
I was crying, screaming, and shaking all at once. My knees buckled and I
slid down to the floor with her help. I cried in her arms as I tried to get her to
understand, but I kept repeating the same thing over and over.
“Her house, her bed, her house, her bed.”
I looked into her eyes and saw fear. She must have thought that I had lost my
mind.
“Whose house, whose bed? What are you talking about?”
“Her, he’s with her, at her house, in her bed.”
Over and over we had the same conversation. After a while she just stopped
asking who, why, and what and just consoled me. I never went back out to
rehearsal but I did perform the next day. I managed to get a standing ovation
even though I felt like a zombie, the walking dead with no heart and soul.
 Chapter 28

“Guess who Jazz saw in Santa Barbara?”

I was so relieved when Tyree was released from the hospital. I needed a hot
shower, and I wanted to spread out and take a nap on my king size bed.
Thankfully, Tyree wasn't seriously hurt; he just had a broken arm, a couple of
bruised ribs, a mild concussion, and some minor cuts from the shattered glass. I
prayed the night before, thanking God for not taking him away from me so soon.
For the next couple of days, I catered to Tyree’s every need before and after
work. While at Fantasy Pictures I had to not only film the movies I was
scheduled for, but I had to fill in for Tyree's shoots as well. I was so worn out
that I had to take some Viagra pills Breeze gave me just to keep it up. By the
fifth day Mr. Cappello set up a hospital scene so Tyree could still go into work
and star in a movie. Tyree was the patient and I was the male nurse seducing him
while he was “drugged up on medication”. Tyree just had to lie there and moan
while I did all the work, but it still turned out to be a hot movie.
The following weekend Tyree and I were already booked for a club
appearance before the accident and we couldn’t cancel, it was the grand opening
of a new LGBT club called Perplex. The club had two levels that were divided
by triple reinforced glass, so you could see whatever was going on above you, or
below you. A lot of people showed up just to see us, most were gay men of all
races, with a few lesbians. We mingled and took pictures all night long. The
atmosphere was fun and exciting. The DJ played a variety of good music so
there was something for everyone to dance to.
I was enjoying the free liquor that the club provided for Tyree and me, a little
more than usual, so you could say I was having a blast. However, my night
started to go downhill as soon as I saw Karma walk in. Here Tyree was with a
cast still on his arm, while Karma didn't even have a cut or a scratch on him. I
thought he was still locked up for driving under the influence, and for possession
of marijuana. So to see him there pretty much ruined my night. Fantasy Pictures
had a table set up for us with photographs to sign, so when I noticed Karma
walking toward us I downed which had to be my eighth mixed drink, give or
take a few. I stood up and was ready to cuss his ass out.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?”
“Besides you, sexy?”
Was he serious? Accident or not, how could he even show his face after
being so inconsiderate, and dumb for driving as drunk and high as he was? Since
I didn't reply to his “flattery” he decided to speak up.
“When Blaze bailed me out of jail the other day I heard about the club
opening, so I thought I'd come and show my support for my new Fantasy
Pictures family. I brought some photos to sign and everything. I hope you guys
don't mind me sitting with you.”
“OF COURSE WE MIND, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!” Tyree said, as he
stood up and approached him.
Once I noticed the hatred in Tyree's eyes, I knew I had to step in. Tyree was
still sore and I didn't want him to hurt his healing arm any more than it already
was.
“Chill out, I got this, baby.”
I turned around to face Karma, who was pulling photos out of his book bag.
“I think you better leave. You weren't invited and Tyree's still pissed at you
for almost killing him.”
“First of all, this is a club and it's open to everyone, so I don't need an invite.
Second of all, Tyree wasn't pissed at me when he was fucking the shit outta me
in the back of the truck right before the accident,” Karma replied, with one hand
on his hip and a big ass smirk on his face.
I quickly turned around to look at Tyree.
“Tyree, what the fuck is he talking about?”
“That nigga is crazy; he's lying, Jamar.”
I turned back around to see how Karma was going to respond.
“Oh, I'm lying, Tyree? Really? You weren't grunting, and moaning while
holding me down? You didn't tell me if I didn't let you get it you were going to
rape my ass? None of that happened?”
I didn't want to believe Tyree cheated on me again. There was no way he
would after he cried, begged for my forgiveness, and swore to me he'd never do
it again. Karma had to be making it all up, but the way he said it, along with his
body language almost had me convinced he was telling the truth.
 “Jamar, look at me,” Tyree turned me around so that I was facing him.
“HE IS CRAZY! Don't believe anything he says. I'm telling you he's trying
to break us up, because in his sick little mind he thinks he's going to be with
you.”
“FUCK YOU, TYREE. YOU KNOW I'M TELLING THE TRUTH. YOU
CHEAT ON HIM EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. YOU FUCKING
ASSHOLE!”
I couldn't take it anymore, all of my backed up frustration since I caught
Ebony and Tyree fucking resurfaced; and I took it out on Karma whether he was
telling the truth or not. I pushed him so hard that he fell back and slid on the
brand new shiny floor. While all of his photos flew up in the air and landed all
over the floor. He jumped up fast and looked around to see if anyone saw what
just happened.
“GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, ALL YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IS
CAUSE DRAMA!”
“OKAY, I'll LEAVE, BUT I WASN'T TRYING TO DO ANYTHING BUT
SHOW YOU I REALLY LIKE YOU, AND HERE I PAID TO HAVE THESE
MADE MYSELF!”
He handed me one of the photos, and then walked away looking sad and
hurt. I looked down and it was the cover of our movie that we filmed together. I
looked really hard with a gun pointing at him, and he looked innocent and sexy
while on his knees looking up at me. He had them photo-shopped so there was a
hotter background, and had a lot more color added. I had to admit it was
definitely a hot picture. I started to pick them all up since he left them there and I
felt bad, but the guys in the club were already taking them for themselves. Tyree
and I were quiet the rest of the night. I put on a fake smile each time someone
asked to take a picture with me. My high was gone and I just wanted to go home.
Finally our time was up, so we picked up our envelopes full of cash from the
manager, and got out of there. Tyree was quiet, and played sleep on the ride
home, which made me think he was guilty and lied to me about fucking Karma.
“Why are you so quiet?”
“I'm tired it's been a long day.”
“So that was wild, Karma showing up at the club like that, huh?”
“More like weird, stay away from him, he's nothing but trouble.”
“It's funny you're telling me to stay away from him, when you're the one
that's hung out with him a few times.”
He didn't say anything else. I started to leave it alone, but I really wanted to
know.
“So did you fuck Karma? Be honest, and tell me the truth.”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I ALREADY TOLD YOU
THE TRUTH AT THE CLUB! I GUESS YOU’RE STARTING TO BELIEVE
HIM OVER ME NOW!”
“Why are you yelling? I just asked you a question.”
“Because you should've forgotten about that at the club; but since I fucked
up one time, you’re always going to think I'm lying, and cheating on you. What
kind of person do you think I am?”
I didn't bother to reply. I already knew how the conversation would go. I'd
tell him how I felt, he'd tell me how I was wrong for feeling that way, and that I
needed to start trusting him again. He was right though, I was always going to be
paranoid that he was cheating on me. He's fine and I notice how so many other
fine men and beautiful woman checked him out on a daily basis. I can only
imagine how often he gets hit on when he's by himself. It doesn't help that he
slipped up once before. Once we got home he asked me to roll us a blunt while
he took a shower. My initial reaction was to say, “I'm good” and go to bed, but
when I looked up and he was holding his bulge, all while giving me that
irresistible smile of his I couldn't say anything but “Okay”. I rolled up an extra
fat blunt because I needed to clear my head and forget about the things Karma
accused Tyree of. He came back in living room in just a towel knowing I would
want nothing more than to lick and suck all over his smooth flawless body, and
that's exactly what I did.
The next day I awoke to Tyree preparing breakfast. I was surprised because I
didn't even know his ass could cook, but I was quickly disappointed when I saw
the restaurant containers. I knew it was too good to be true, but it was still a
sweet gesture.
“Good morning baby,” I replied and gave him a quick kiss.
“This is a nice surprise.”
“I thought you deserved to wake up to breakfast for a change. I would've
cooked for you, but it's hard to do a lot of things with this stupid cast on my
arm.”
“Right, right.”
He was taking full advantage of his injuries and he knew I couldn't say
anything. I just had to continue catering to him; otherwise, I'd look like a dick.
While we ate, I checked my e-mail and the first one I opened was from Mr.
Visage, he cussed me out something fierce. He was pissed, and told me I was an
unprofessional asshole, and that he had never been so humiliated in his life. He
made sure I knew to forget about ever stepping foot on his property again. That
ended my relationship with him, but I wasn’t tripping because at least I made a
quick fifty g's off of him.
Later on that afternoon, I was chilling, reading Dopefiend by Donald Goines
when Jasmine called me to see if I wanted to hang out. It had been some time
since I heard from her that I quickly realized how much I missed my friend. I
needed my Jazzy fix because she always knows how to make me laugh and put
me in a good mood. I couldn’t wait to tell her about what went down with
Karma and Tyree. I wanted her honest opinion if she thought it was truly an
accident or not. I knew Jasmine wouldn’t sugar coat it and would tell me if she
thought they fucked or not.
She wanted me to meet her and DeeDee at her condo, so we could have some
drinks, gossip, and get high as usual. I was curious to see what happened with
her and Lanell while she was in Vegas. As fine and hung as Lanell was I knew
she enjoyed herself. Even though traffic was a bitch I enjoyed the ride there, I
was jamming and listening to the radio. I’m not a singer but I was singing along
to every song as if I was performing on stage. I had worked out, and chilled in
the hot tub earlier that day so I was relaxed, but still anxious to blaze up with my
girls. Jazzy and DeeDee loved and cared about me no matter what, I felt like I
could be myself around them. I’m definitely not a queen, but I’m not masculine
either, I’m somewhere in the middle so I fit in where I get in, which is where
ever I choose to fit in.
As soon as I walked in Jazzy gave me a big hug and held me tight. It was as
if she hadn’t seen me in years and didn’t want to let go. I knew at that moment
that I was missed just as much as I missed her and I could feel the love. DeeDee
smiled and said, “What's up Jamar!” as she handed me a fat ass blunt, instead of
giving me the hug I would've preferred; but once I saw how big and nicely rolled
it was my mind drifted elsewhere. I felt like it was my birthday or a special
occasion when I noticed we each had our own blunt. I was ready to get our
evening started. Jazzy and I sat on the couch while DeeDee chilled on the love
seat. I did the honors of lighting the candles and incense. After all, they did roll
and mix the drinks. Once we all lit up and were feeling a buzz our conversations
got started.
“So what did you want to tell me?” Jazzy asked.
I filled her in on everything, how DeeDee called me in a panic and told me
Tyree was in a car accident, how I rushed to the hospital worried sick, my
confrontation with Ebony, and that Tyree thought Karma ran the red light with
wicked intentions.
“Wait, are you talking about that dude I pushed into the pool at your
barbeque?”
I confirmed and went on to tell her how he had the nerve to show up at the
club opening like nothing happened.
“So what did you do?” Jazzy asked as before taking a deep pull and inhaling
some more smoke.
“What do you think I did? I stood up for my man.”
I noticed DeeDee making a face as she looked at Jasmine.
“What, DeeDee?” I asked.
“Nothing, finish what you were saying.”
I found it strange that DeeDee didn’t say what was on her mind when she’s
normally the first one to tell it like it is. After I finished telling Jasmine how I
pushed Karma, I handed her the picture he made for me and the fans.
“Aww, he must really like you and you had the nerve to push that little boy.
What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything. I think I embarrassed him and hurt his feelings. He
got the hell out of there real quick.”
“Tell Jasmine why you pushed him Jamar,” DeeDee said with a big grin on
her face.
Jasmine stopped laughing long enough to say, “He did tell me, Karma almost
killed Tyree.”
DeeDee shook her head back and forth before saying, “Nope.”
“Oh, shit, there’s more. Tell me tell me, I can’t take it.”
I looked at DeeDee like damn you got a big ass mouth. I was definitely going
to tell Jasmine everything I was just building up to it.
“Karma claims he and Tyree smashed in the back of Blaze’s truck right
before they crashed,” I said nonchalantly since DeeDee rushed it out of me.
“Interesting,” was all Jasmine said as she sat back on the couch and finished
off her blunt before putting it out in the ashtray. She looked serious and straight
ahead as if she was picturing how it all went down in her head.
“So?” I asked anticipating her response.
“So what?” she replied as if she didn’t already know I was waiting.
“Do you think they fucked or not?”
I looked Jasmine in the eye but she looked away and looked at DeeDee
before they both said as if they rehearsed it.
 “Yeah, he fucked him,” they said right before they both laughed. I was sort
of shocked. I knew it was a possibility and an option, but I expected my girls to
make me feel better, and tell me what I had believed, which was that Karma was
just trying to stir up some shit. I was sure he heard from Blaze how Tyree
cheated on me in the past, and just wanted me to break up with him.
“So just like that? You don’t even have to think about it. You think Tyree
actually cheated on me again?”
She stopped smiling and had a look of concern on her face. She reached for
her blunt but remembered she finished it already and quickly pulled her hand
back.
“Jamar,” she said, then paused and took a deep breath.
I looked at her like a confused puppy with my head tilted to the side
wondering what she was trying to say.
“I know Tyree cheated on you again. I – ”
I cut her off and shook my head in disbelief. Tyree knew better than to fuck
up again, so neither one of them was going to convince me otherwise. I quickly
changed the subject.
“So what’s been going on with you? Did you have fun in Vegas?”
She looked at DeeDee again which gave me a strong feeling they were
talking about something before I arrived and it pissed me off a little bit because I
wanted to be nosey too.
“Why don’t you roll us another round of blunts, I’ll get us some more
drinks.”
I watched Jasmine walk in her kitchen before looking over at DeeDee.
“What’s going on? Why do you two keep looking at each other like you’re
keeping secrets and shit?”
“You’ll have to ask Jasmine when she comes back in here.”
“Let me guess, did Lanell propose?”
As I waited for DeeDee’s response she was saved by the bell which was
Jasmine yelling for her.
“Hey DeeDee, would you mind helping me?”
I smiled at DeeDee as she stopped rolling before saying “You’re lucky she
needs you because I was about to drill your ass with questions.”
While Jasmine and DeeDee were making us more drinks I had to use the
bathroom. All I could think about was either Lanell proposing to Jasmine, or
they were drunk and crazy enough to get married while in Vegas. If she did I
was going to support her but I was going to give her hell. First of all for not
inviting me, second for having a tacky ass Vegas wedding, and third for rushing
into marriage. They haven’t even known each other that long. I’ve been with
Tyree for two years and while I love him with all of my heart I didn’t know if I
would marry him. It had nothing to do with Tyree; I just knew I wasn’t ready for
that kind of commitment. When I got back to my seat Jazzy and DeeDee were
already there. There was an awkward silence, but after DeeDee finished rolling
our next round of blunts and we sparked up, Jasmine finally spoke up. She told
me how much fun she had being with Lanell.
“And get this, he’s buying a night club in Vegas.”
“Shut the fuck up. When?” DeeDee asked with excitement.
“Actually I take that back, it’s official, he bought a night club in Vegas, and
guess what he’s naming it?”
“LUST,” I blurted out.
“Close, but naw, that’s not it. Take a guess DeeDee.”
“What? I don’t fucking know,” she said before letting out a hearty laugh.
“Jezebel’s!”
“WHAT?” DeeDee asked, more like yelled.
“Are you serious?” I asked because I thought that was the best present ever.
“Yes, I’m so excited and I can’t wait until it opens. I’m going to be part
owner, and the top earning performer. Until the club picks up business I’ll still
work at the Black Oasis, but once we’re making enough money I’ll only perform
at Jezebel’s. It’s only fitting since it’s named after me.”
She didn’t have to point that out you could hear the excitement in her voice. I
was happy for her. You don’t find too many men who want to buy you a night
club and name it after you, well after your porn name. Jasmine went on to tell us
how Lanell took her to his parents, anniversary dinner.
“So I’m assuming his parents know what you and Lanell do for a living?” I
was curious to know so I asked.
“Hell no, how embarrassing would that have been? His fine ass brother
knows though.”
She filled us in on everything then paused to take a couple sips of her drink.
“Guess who Jazz saw in Santa Barbara?” DeeDee asked with a you’re-not-
going-to-believe-this-shit tone.
The only person I could think of was Tyree since he was there for the
weekend filming a few scenes. After I guessed, she confirmed but I could tell
she was leaving something out. Since Tyree never mentioned seeing Jasmine
knowing how much I missed her, I assumed they got into it. I knew Jasmine
wasn’t a big fan of Tyree’s but when she said she saw him but he didn’t see her I
was confused. I thought that was weird, because even if I didn’t care for Lanell, I
would’ve still spoke and asked him to tell Jazzy I said hi and that I asked about
her, out of respect. She continued to talk and the more she spoke the more
confused I was.
“…a pregnant girl, and he, well he, from what it looked like to me.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted her to speak up so I stood up and faced
her before asking.
“What did it look like?”
When she said “dating” I lost it. Why the hell would Tyree date someone
when he was dating me, and a pregnant girl at that? I felt in my heart that she
was thinking negatively and automatically assumed the worst in Tyree. I was
ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. I knew the other porn company that
Tyree worked for had him working with men and women, at least that’s what he
told me. He had to be hanging out with a co-star.
I sat back down because I was convinced that’s who she was. Jasmine got up
to grab her cell phone and then sat down beside me and played some videos of
Tyree and this woman. I couldn’t believe it and thought my eyes were deceiving
me. It had to be someone who looked like Tyree. I played the videos a few more
times before reality sunk in. I felt betrayed and hurt. How could he not only
cheat on me, but be stupid enough to get some bitch pregnant?
I don’t know what it was about seeing Tyree with another woman but it hurt
even worst the second time around. I think it’s because he had been lying the
entire time, and because he wasn’t just fucking this chick like he was doing to
Ebony. In the videos it looked like he was in love with her. The way he held her
hand, looked her in the eyes, and touched her, crushed me. I wanted him to treat
me and look at me like that. Don’t get me wrong there have been times far and
few where I recognized that look but never out in public. I got teary eyed
because I felt like Tyree rammed his hand through my chest, squeezed, twisted,
and turned until he ripped my heart out, then stomped on it.
Not only was I hurt but there were so many questions I wanted to ask. How
long has this been going on? Was he sure the baby was his? Was he really
planning on leaving me or was he going to continue living two lives? Did he
ever truly love me? Why beg and plead for another chance if you’re just going to
fuck it up again? Why not just be a man and go your own separate way. So we
both can find the person we are meant to be with, without any road blocks. Then
anger kicked in and I was lucky Tyree was on camera and not in front of me
because I would’ve gone to jail.
Seeing the pictures only made it worse because he was kissing her and
rubbing her belly as if he was a normal, straight man. I felt like I didn’t even
know him, hell I’d bet she didn’t even know Tyree. I paced the room trying to
figure out the answers to my own questions. I was also trying to decide how I
was going to handle the situation, and what my next move was. I couldn’t just
kick him out since he paid for half of the house and his name was on the lease,
but I knew right away my feelings for Tyree would never be the same. Luckily I
was with my two closest friends and they helped me get through the night. We
got twisted, watched some comedies, and talked about anything and everything
so I wouldn’t concentrate on how devastated I really was. After thinking about it
over and over all night, I finally passed out on Jasmine’s couch.
 Chapter 29

Our bodies danced to the Devil’s music.

I stayed in Vegas for an extra three days on my dime. Maybe I just wasn’t
ready to go back to L.A. and face reality or maybe I just couldn’t bring myself to
leave the town I would soon call home, I wasn’t sure why I stayed. All I did was
order room service during the day, and at night I would go down to the casino,
gamble away large sums of cash, and get drunk until the wee hours of the
morning. Once in a while a fan would recognize me or a guy would hit on me,
but other than that, nothing else really happened there.
On the third morning of waking up with a hangover, surrounded by clothes,
garbage that I had allowed to pile up, and with the same feeling of emptiness that
I prayed would go away with each drink I took and every dollar I wasted, I
decided it was time to go home. I had called in sick to Fantasy Pictures and told
them that my vagina was still healing. Mr. Cappello told me that I could have
four days off but that I had to be back in for a big interview he booked for me
the following week, but I said to hell with Vegas, I needed to do other things to
get over Lanell. So I flew home, spent the next day in the house and the day after
that, I was back at work.
“Happy to see you back at work, how are you feeling?” Breeze asked as he
walked up behind me. I turned around and couldn’t help but smile. He was
looking fly and had that smile that I missed seeing on his face.
“Doing okay, I guess. I’m not filming any sex scene, just head and the
interview, right?”
“You don’t even have to do that if you don’t want.”
I stopped walking and looked him dead in the face. I have never heard
Breeze tell any of his actors that they didn’t have to do something just because
they didn’t feel like it. He must have been having a hell of a day to make that
suggestion. I looked at him and tried to see the Breeze that once was there, the
man that turned me out and kept me going. He used to be such a man, THEE
man to me. But now, for some reason, I just couldn’t see past the man he had
become, and I use the term man very loosely.
“No, it’s just, well, I know that you may not be one hundred percent with all
that went down and—.”
“And what exactly are you saying went down?” I couldn’t help but ask. I
wanted to see if he was now able to realize what that crazy bitch did to me, on
purpose. I stared him down with piercing eyes, and for the first time, he looked
away first. Guess he couldn’t look at me for too long without reality setting in,
guess the truth was hard to face.
“Well, you know, the Tanya thing, it looked painful and I don’t want you to
feel like you have to rush back to work for me, I know that you need time to
heal.”
“That Tanya thing?” Guess he still couldn’t say it, what a shame.
“Love the show you put on the other night, you really have stepped up your
game since the first couple of times, huh? Looks like you’re really going to do
well at the Black Oasis.”
Just the mere mention of the Black Oasis brought me back to the last time
there, it depressed me deeply and I didn’t want Breeze to see it.
“Well, I couldn’t be your little Jasmine forever could I? Time here, doing
what I do, it teaches you a lot, and I guess working the pole like a pro is one of
them,” I said with a light chuckle. Never let them see you down, that’s what I
was going for. We just stood there, him looking at what used to be, wishing that
he was smart enough to have made the right choices. As for me, I was just lost,
hurt and feeling the loneliness that occupied my bed. I was starting to learn that I
was one of those people who couldn’t stand her own company for too long. It
gave me too much time to think about the should of, could of or would of’s, and
I needed that like I needed a hole in my head.
“So is it okay if I just go home until I feel better I know that I have to do the
interview but as far as filming…can that wait?”
“Sure thing, Jazzy, go ahead…I miss you, you know that, right?”
I could have said and asked a lot of things in that moment but…why? He
moved close enough to me to sniff my perfume and spoke as if his life depended
on it.
“I don’t have much regrets in my life but the way I treated you, well that’s
my biggest one. I think about you all of the time, it’s like you’re haunting me.”
I looked at him but still had nothing to say.
 “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry, for everything, I really am.”
So much had gone down, so many things he’s said, so many things he’s
done, or didn’t do, what else was left? With him, you never knew what was real,
what was fake. He was an enigma, hard to figure out, impossible to understand,
and unworthy of trust. Yet standing there, with his dick tucked between his legs,
I felt something for him, for our time together, and for the lack of
companionship that we both had.
“Do you think that I could check in on you, while you’re off I mean. Just to
make sure you’re okay?”
I tried to fight the word that was racing up my throat. I tried to swallow it so
that it wouldn’t surface. I even tried not breathing, hoping that I’d pass out
before I let it out, but it was choking me. The desire to say it was debilitating to
my willpower. So there we were, standing in the place where we stared, I gave
up on Lanell and I, I gave up on love, and I gave up on the thought of starting a
new life with him in Vegas. Maybe this is what was supposed to be, Breeze and
me.
“Sure.”

*****

The next week flew by without me noticing. I spent most of my days in bed.
I watched old movies from the 90’s and puffed on the packages that I would
have Blaze deliver. My cell phone stayed off and my home phone was
unplugged. Breeze hadn’t come by and in a way, I was relieved. I thought that
maybe I had made the wrong choice out of desperation. I knew that he was bad
for me. Even though I was still nursing the fresh wounds Lanell left behind, a
Breeze Band-Aid would just have covered it up, instead of healing it. I shut the
world out and wanted it that way. I hadn’t told anyone what happened with
Lanell, fearing that speaking it would somehow make it more real, as if it
weren’t already. I wouldn’t allow myself to call him anymore either. I had all the
information I needed, why make myself suffer even more? So as I watched Love
Jones, Poetic Justice, The Best Man, Boomerang, Jason’s Lyric, and The
Player’s Club over and over, I purposely removed any thought of Lanell from
my smoke filled brain and replaced them with the movies that had inspired me to
head to L.A. and pursue an acting career.
 Midway through my fourth run of Poetic Justice for the week, I heard a
knock on the door. I looked at my stash and knew that it couldn’t have been
Blaze, I had a fresh package. I threw on my robe and went to the door. I had just
finished thanking god that Breeze never showed up but there he was. I thought
about not opening the door, knowing that nothing good could have come out of
him walking through it, but being alone in that apartment had me going crazy.
My self-imposed seclusion was starting to wear on me and I needed someone,
anyone there with me. I needed to be heard, seen, touched, loved, and I knew
that Breeze would give me all of those things, even if his attention was short
lived.
“Hey Breeze, what took you so long?” I asked knowing that this would pump
his head up. He needed to feel wanted just as badly as I did.
“I have been calling both of your phones but couldn’t get you. So I called in
and told my dad I would either be coming in late or not at all. How are you
feeling? What have you been doing? I even asked Jamar and DeeDee if they
heard from you and they both said no. Is something wrong, well besides the
obvious?”
I thought about opening up to him and letting him know how devastated I
was over what happened with Lanell. Then I looked at him, remembered who I
was dealing with and said “Hell No” to myself. He would have been too happy
to hear about my misery. I pictured him praying for the day some shit like this
happening, and I wasn’t giving him that satisfaction.
“Nothing really, just laying low, trying to forget what your bitch did to me.”
I got up and headed to my bedroom before he could even answer. I knew that
he was hoping that I wouldn’t bring Tanya up but I really wasn’t over it yet. In
some ways, I still wasn’t over how he acted in his father’s office. I knew that he
was upset with me for cooling things off with him. I knew that he didn’t
understand how I had the nerve to speak and act the way I did toward him.
Especially, after helping me blow up, but what about the way he spoke and
treated me? Did he think that because he was the son of the porn king that he
could treat people like shit and make them jump to his every whim? Well, it may
have taken me a while to get up from under his thumb but once I was out, I saw
the light.
I no longer had dreams of being Princess to the Prince he thought he was. I
no longer dreamed of the day he would change, respect me and treat me as his
equal, I knew that day was never going to come. Now I looked at him and saw
him for who he really was. So going into anything with him no matter how small
or big, I knew the deal. Fucking him, talking to him or even being in his
company was plain and simple to me. It will be what it is and nothing more. No
false hopes, no daydreaming about what is to come, and no lying to myself. That
put us on an equal playing field, whether he knew it or not.
“She’s not my bitch anymore, and she should have never been,” he said as he
followed me into the bedroom. I sat on my bed and picked up a half smoked
joint. I lit the end and took in a deep pull.
“Now you see that, huh?” I asked with a smile on my face.
“You should have been number one.”
He was standing in the door way of my bedroom leaning to his right with his
hands in his pocket. The funny thing about Breeze was that he was a good liar.
He may not have felt that way about me a month ago but you would have never
known it. Every word he spoke was coated with sugar and false truth on the
outside. He made everything sound so sweet, as if certainty was his strong point.
But deep down in the cracks of his words, there was something bitter. Poison
laced filling ruined the sugary taste that would fade away as soon as you
swallowed whatever bullshit he was feeding you.
“Should have been me, would have been me, but you ruined that, want a
puff?”
I asked knowing that I was blowing him, the wrong way. He sat on my bed
and I pushed play on the DVD remote.
“I came up with one thing and I don’t believe I’m wrong, nobody, but
nobody can make it out here alone.”
I laughed as Janet recited the poem in Poetic Justice. Breeze was there, in
my home for that reason alone, I didn’t want to be alone.
We didn’t do much talking after that, small talk here and there about the
movies we watched or about who was going to roll up next. We laughed, and
even cuddled as we watched one movie after the next. It was nice having him
there, being the old Breeze I fell in love with in the beginning. All of the
pretentious crap that he carried around was left behind as I laid in the arms of the
real man, the man he tried so desperately to hide.

*****

I felt him next to me, taking a minute to remember who he was, his hands
traveling up my legs, sending chills up my spine. Smelling him reminded me of
his name, sending flashes to my brain of our day that past. It was three in the
morning and I was still nestled in his arms, lying there feeling his breath on my
neck and his hardness against my ass. His skin was cool like the breeze that blew
through my vents. His heartbeat was almost loud enough to hear, as its rapid
rhythm played a lost lovers’ tune of regrets. The television was on but the screen
was blank, radiating a light blue light that shadowed our bodies.
I wished that I could have turned around and saw the love of my life. The
man with his dreads sweeping his shoulders and his gray eyes glowing like a cat
in darkness. But I couldn’t, so I stayed with my back to Breeze resting as if I had
never woken up, feeling like there was still something missing. I waited until I
felt his hand in my shorts before putting my hand onto his, letting him know that
I was no longer asleep.
“You feel so good, Jazzy, so warm, so soft; I couldn’t help it. I had to touch
you.”
His voice dripped honey on my battered soul. It was the kind of words I
needed to hear, the medicine I needed to take, and the distraction from the empty
spot in my chest.
“Turn off the TV,” I told him and waited until he did so before turning
around. The darkness provided me with the illusion I needed. I could pretend
that he was the one, the only one I needed and wanted. As I faced him and
looked into the blank spot where his face would have been, I felt his cool lips on
top of mine. They were soft and smooth. His mouth still tasted the same; fresh,
clean, almost sweet. He still kissed the same, lightly sucking on my bottom lip,
slipping his tongue gracefully against mine reminding me of his skills. Before I
knew it, he was between my legs tugging at my shorts, once off; he gripped each
side of my thong and pulled it down. I closed my legs tightly which threw him
off.
“I don’t think I should, I mean, I don’t know if I can yet.”
He prompted me to relax and open my legs. He slid his body on top of mine
and went back to my lips, moving down to my neck and back up.
“We don’t have to fuck, just let me feel you.”
A kiss
“Taste you.”
Another kiss.
“Have you my way.”
A kiss again.
 “Have you anyway I can without hurting you.”
I savored his flavor. It was as if his deviousness added sweet molasses to his
skills. He moved slowly, pleasing me with just his hands and mouth. Laying
there, not even knowing when I had become completely naked, he took my
nipple into his mouth and made me yearn for more. Like a garment filled with
static, my hands now clung to his body and roamed his back, his chest, his hair,
and his throbbing dick. We were submerged in lust, wanting each other for all of
the wrong reasons. Our bodies danced to the Devil’s music as we rediscovered
each other’s flavor.
“Damn, you taste good,” he said as he nursed on my clit like a new born
puppy who had found his mother’s tit. I screamed, and threw my head back and
forth as if my brain was fighting my body. My hips shook violently as I reached
my sexual peek. I pushed his face in deeper, almost trying to bury it, as if I was
trying to hide who he was. I threw my hips into his lips, wanting him to stop and
keep going all at once.
“That’s right, Jazzy, let it out, baby; let it out.”
He went back to sucking and now had me trying to run, I couldn’t take
anymore but that didn’t stop him. He was trying to prove a point. He wanted to
remind me that he was a good lover and that he still had the magic touch.

*****

I didn’t know how to feel the next morning. I knew that my actions the night
before were not out of love or even because I liked Breeze. He was my seat
filler, my man of the moment, the one who could fill that burning spot where my
heart used to be. I lay there, quietly, no wanting to wake up and see him in the
light, not wanting him being there to be real. I laid there not moving, hardly
breathing, hoping that if I never woke up, he would get the hint and leave. After
an hour of not hearing anything I opened my eyes and looked at the other side of
the bed. It was empty and after sitting up and waiting a few more minutes, I
realized that no one was in my apartment but me.
I took in a deep breath, laid back down and relaxed. It felt good to be alone
again. I had space to think and be myself. I reached over and picked up one of
the rolled blunts that we never got to and lit up. I tried to figure out what exactly
I was doing. Why did I tell Breeze he could come over, and furthermore, why
did I open the door? Did I really hate being alone that much, or was it that I had
to have a man at all times? When did this happen, where was I at when this
change took place? As the smoke surged through my brain, more and more
questions ran through it. The head was good as hell that Breeze laid on me but I
didn’t need it. I wasn’t starving for head. It’s not as if I needed to cum, as if I
hadn’t in years, so what the fuck was that shit about?
Then something started to happen. The more I smoked, the more I started to
reason with what I thought was the truth. Fuck him, I told myself. Lanell never
gave a shit about me. He was still fucking his wife. God only knows the number
of lies he probably told me. What was he going to do, stay married and continue
to fuck me when it was convenient for him? Fuck that shit, I wasn’t going to be
his bitch on the side, I wasn’t going to be his side piece. Not when I thought that
I was going to be his one and only. Not after he had told me how much he loved
me and how we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. NO, FUCK
THAT!
Why was I sitting at home worrying about him, as if he was even thinking
about me? How many times was I going to let people into my life just to hurt
me? When would my skin thicken, when would I learn? I had to stop setting
myself up for disappointments. At least with Breeze, I told myself. At least with
him, I knew what it was. I knew how to play his game now, I knew the rules, so
I knew how to play to win, game on.

*****

I took a long hot shower and lotioned my body. I didn’t feel like putting any
clothes on, so I opted for a fishnet cover-up that I brought to L.A. with me. I
slipped on a cute pink thong with no bra. I called Blaze and asked him to stop by
and didn’t bother to change, he wouldn’t have cared less if I opened the door
naked. As I waited for him, I changed my sheets, picked up around the house
and, and rocked the Miguel CD. “You could be my piece, click clack, click clack,
tell 'em all get back, 'cause we shootin', we shootin’ 'em down.” That was my
jam of the week and I blasted it as I turned the volume on my radio as far as it
could go. As I rolled my last blunt and lit it, my cell phone which had been
turned back on only moments before rang.
“Where are you?” I asked as I strained to hear Blaze.
 “Behind the door, open up.”
I hung up and opened the door. I let him in then walked over and turned the
music down.
“I hope you weren’t out there too long, it’s one of those days where I need
music. Do you ever get like that? I know for some its movies, weed, alcohol, but
for me, when I get in this mood, I need music, the beats, the words, you feel
me?”
He looked at me as if he was trying to figure out if I was okay. I smiled as he
let his own slip out of his lips.
“Yeah, I feel you; I thought that I was the only one like that. I could just sit
in my house, blast music, smoke, and fuck,” he said as I handed him his own
product. He took a few long pulls before handing it back to me.
“You always gotta put dick in the mix, do you really like fucking that
much?” I asked as I waited for his answer. I didn’t know much about him but
what I did know was that he loved to fuck, at work, at home, in the streets, in the
sheets; it didn’t matter, as long as he got it.
“Even more; dick, weed, and money make my world go round.”
At least he was honest.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked as I got up and pulled a wine
cooler from my fridge.
“I don’t want to interrupt whatever you were doing,” he said as he pulled his
top grade weed from his back pack.
“I wasn’t doing anything, just chillin’, I wouldn’t mind the company,” I said
as I handed him a wine cooler. He laughed as he stood up and headed to my
kitchen.
“I would love to chill but I ain’t drinking this shit,” he said as he replaced the
cooler with a beer. I guess being a bottom hadn’t softened him up enough to
enjoy a fruity drink.
Blazed stayed about two hours and we had a blast. We smoke a blunt or two
from his different strain of smoke. Some with orange hairs, some looked blue,
and the other looked as if it had crushed diamonds on it. Needless to say, I WAS
FUCKED UP. We talked about porn, movies, Fantasy Pictures and the people
who worked there. We spoke about music and the different sounds out there that
came out of different countries. He loved Samba, Reggae, Rap, and list went on.
I couldn’t believe how well versed he was in music. I could have talked to him
for hours without getting bored. But as we laughed and dug deep into each
other’s minds, he got a call for another delivery. I was sad to see him go but
understood. I bought an ounce of what he called Glitter and walked him to the
door.
“You cool as shit, you know that?” he asked as we stood at my door.
“I know,” I answered with a smile.
“Who knew we had so much in common. I gotta try and make it out to your
spot to check out that CD collection. You know I’m coming over with blank
CD’s to copy all of your shit right?”
“No problem,” he said as he laughed.
“By the way, you killin’ it in that top, boo. You got some really nice titties,
all nice and perky. And that ass…if you had a dick…I would be all over you.”
I laughed so hard that I turned red.
“You are so nasty, what is wrong with you? You would be all over this? I bet
you would,” I said as I unlocked the door.
“I ain’t even lying to you, if you had a big dick between your legs…it would
be on,” he said as he grabbed what I knew to be his huge dick. I shook my head
and laughed some more. This boy was a trip. No wonder Jamar liked him so
much.

*****

By six that evening my stomach was growling, all it had in it was smoke and
wine coolers. I went to my kitchen and looked at the many take-out menus. I was
ready to eat anything, but couldn’t decide. I thought about Chinese food, Italian,
Greek, Indian, and even Jamaican. They all sounded good but after fifteen
minutes of not being able to make up my mind, I said fuck it, I was gonna hit up
a drive thru and the corner store for snacks. I grabbed my keys, walked a
makeshift straight line to test my sobriety, and headed for the door. As I opened
it to step out, Breeze’s body stopped me.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?” he asked as I bumped into him.
“Going out to get a bite to eat, wanna come?” I asked half way annoyed and
half way happy to see him.
“Let me go in and put my things down, then we can go anywhere you want.”
I hadn’t noticed the suitcase in his hand until he asked to go into my
apartment. What in the hell was this dude thinking? I let him in and sat down.
Fuck the food; I wanted to know why he was packed and coming to my house.
 “Going somewhere?” I asked as I nodded my head toward his suitcase.
“What do you feel like eating?”
Was he joking, why hadn’t he answered my question?
“Are you going on a trip, why are you packed?”
He didn’t answer. Instead he walked to the kitchen and asked if I still kept
the menus in the same spot.
“Sure am.”
He came back out with the same ones I had been looking at earlier.
“Pick one.”
I just looked at him without moving.
“For real Jazzy, pick one, any one.”
Breeze spread the menus out like a fan on the coffee table and waited for my
choice. Again I was having a hard time making up my mind but picked one up
anyway. I could have gone for some good oxtail or curry chicken right about
then. He picked up the menu and smiled.
“Good, I could stand a good tan, got a bathing suit?”
I looked at him as if he was crazy. I was hungry, not in the mood for tanning,
the beach, or a pool. He walked to my room and went into my closet. When he
came back out, I was standing at the foot of my bed waiting for him.
“What are you doing with my suitcase?”
“Packing.”
“Packing, why?”
“Because you want Jamaican food tonight.”
“So what, what does that have to do with packing?” I asked as he went
through my drawers.
“The best place to get Jamaican food is in Jamaica, so that’s where we’re
going.”
He had lost his mind. Who did things like this? Who in their right mind
would just get up and plan a trip like that without even asking the other person? I
couldn’t help but smile. To be the prince of porn; what a life.
“And what would have happened if I chose Greek or Italian food?”
He looked up from neatly folding a shirt and said, “Guess we would be going
to Greece, or Italy.”
And that’s how he got me all over again. Only Breeze would do such a thing.
Granted we were going to be flying on his father’s private jet, but still, he
planned it. He thought of it, and he knew that I wouldn’t say no. His arrogance
once again turned me on. I changed clothes, helped him pack my things, and was
out of there within the hour. The flight had us new again, as if nothing from the
past ever happened. And as we sipped on Champagne and ate fresh, sweet
strawberries and chocolate, I forgave him for all that he had done. Every time
Lanell tried to creep into my brain, I tried flushing him out, unsuccessfully.

*****

We landed in Ocho Rios, Jamaica and headed for the Sandals Plantation
Resort where Breeze had booked the Governor General’s oceanfront suite. It was
breath taking and having a butler was a plus. I went out on the patio and took in
the view and the night air. It was all so beautiful, I felt like I was in a dream.
“Does this make you smile, baby?”
Breeze had joined me on the patio and wrapped his arms around me kissing
my neck.
“So very happy, how did you pull this off?” I asked as I watched the waves
roll in.
“There isn’t anything money can’t buy.”
I got a chill up my spin. He was definitely right about that. And I was
starting to think that I was one of those things his cash would keep around.
“It’s late, why don’t you jump in the shower and I’ll join you in a minute?”
I turned around to leave without even looking at him. We were in the right
place, at the right time, and something was still not right. I undressed and turned
on the shower. I went into it with a weird feeling, not even knowing why. I stood
under the hot water trying to figure myself out. I was so confused. I wanted to
forget him, stop him from invading my mind, I wanted him erased from my
memories, but he was still there lingering, leaving his imprint on every thought
that popped up.
Why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? He was a fake, an illusion, a
mirage. His love did not exist, it was never mine for the taking, and it was never
mine to be had. I kept telling myself these things in hope that these feelings
would go away, but they didn’t. Tears, out of nowhere, stared to form. I missed
him so, and for some reason, standing on that patio looking at that water,
dropped all these thoughts on me. I wished that I were there with him; I wanted
Lanell to have been the one to walk out there and kiss my neck. I managed to
stop myself from crying out loud. I just let my tears fuse with the water that
came out of the shower head and pretended that they would wash away the
yearning for Lanell with the soap I rubbed against my skin.
“Damn, baby, what are you trying to do, burn your skin off?” Breeze joked
as he slipped in behind me. I slipped my head under the pouring water so that he
wouldn’t see my tears. I smiled at him and faked my way through our sex
session in the shower.
The next day was okay. I still wasn’t feeling any better but I put on a good
show for Breeze. We got massages at the spa and dined on delicious food. I
indulged on the top shelf liquor as often as I could. It helped me deal with my
fickle mind and the absence of the man I really loved.
“You better slow down, Jazzy, you don’t want to get too fucked up,” Breeze
said lightly. I ignored him and downed the rest of my drink.
“Just having a little fun honey, nothing to worry about, I know how to hold
my liquor.
We were on the beach working on our tans while I pretended to read a book
and get drunk. I wasn’t very talkative and he could tell that something was
bothering me.
“Are you okay, baby, is there something wrong?”
Again, I put on my poker face, smiling and bullshitting my way through our
conversation.
“Hell no, I’m in paradise, what else could a girl ask for?”
I took off my shades and looked him dead in the eye as I lied to him.
“Well, there might be a few more things that I could give you, that you may
want,” Breeze said with a sly smile on his face. Okay, he had me interested,
what else could he offer?
“And that is?”
I waited as he took his time to tell me.
“Well, I was talking to this guy, a friend of mine---.”
“Yeahhhh.”
I was running out of patience.
“Well, he’s a writer for that show…Roommates, you know the one that’s a
huge hit for CBS?”
I was all ears and he knew it.
“Yeah, yeah, I know the show, what about it?”
My eyes were big and if I wasn’t careful, I’m sure my tongue would have
been hanging out of my mouth. That’s how excited I was at the prospect of his
news.
 “Well, they are looking for a girl for that actor on there, what’s his name…
Rob, I think? Anyway, his character on the show is supposed to start dating a
porn star and he told me that the director was looking for a real one, an adult
film star that is.”
My mouth was dry and my heart was racing. Was he saying what I thought
he was saying?
“Well, he told the director that he was a friend of mine and that maybe I
could help him by placing one on my starlets in his show. But I told him that I
didn’t think that anyone would be interested. I mean, who wants to be on a
sitcom when they are already doing porn?”
Was he out of his fucking mind? I looked over at the beer bottle I was using
as a chaser and thought about breaking it and slicing his neck wide the fuck
open.
“Why would you tell him that, I would have done it?” I said almost
breathlessly.
“Calm down baby, I’m only joking. Of course I told him about you. They
thought that your look would fit right in with the other actors. You’ll have to go
in for a test read and if you’re good, you got the job.”
It took me a while to get over his little joke but when I did, I jumped right
into his arms and kissed him passionately, this time it was real.
“Oh, my god, Breeze, thank you so much. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted
to do. That’s why I moved out to LA, HOLY SHIT,” I screamed as I pictured
myself on the set.
“There is one more thing I wanted to ask you.”
“What’s that?” I asked as I gave him another kiss.
“I was thinking that maybe when we got back, maybe you would want to
move in with me.”
Silence filled the air. Now why did he have to go and ask me that right after
he gave me such good news? What was I supposed to say? Umm, I know that
you just did this really nice thing for me, not to mention this trip and all, but…no
thanks?
“Why would you want me to move in, you just ended things with Tanya?” I
asked as I got off of him. He looked out at the ocean and I watched as his jaw
clinched.
“I’m in love with you Jazzy, always have been. Now that she’s gone, I just
want to make things right with us. Treat you the way I should have.”
Too bad I wasn’t feeling the same way. What we were, in that moment was
cool. But moving in?
“You’re a top star at Fantasy Pictures, Jazzy, you should be living like one.
Not in some little apartment, with mediocre furniture, driving a fucking Lexus,
fuck that. I wanna give you everything you should have, and more.”
I listened as he went on and on about why moving in with him was the right
move for me to make. Sure he was offering me the world, but what about the
world I was building for myself in Vegas. I still wanted out of the porn game,
and I wanted to get out of whatever this was I had with him.
“I don’t want to do porn forever, Breeze. That has never been my dream, it
was just convenient. I want to still go to Vegas to dance, and perform.”
“So what, you can still do that, I’ll just be with you. You don’t have to be in
porn to be with me. I want you, not the porn star, well, maybe in the bedroom,”
he joked as he moved closer to me.
“Just think about, would you do that for me?”
I told him that I would, but I knew that what he was asking would never
happen. He went to the bar to refill our drinks. As I watched him take out his cell
phone and make a call, I realized that I didn’t love him anymore, hell I didn’t
even like him most of the time. He was just there, there to occupy my time, and
that was it. Were there moments I let my mind drift back to what we had, the
good times, yes? But it wasn’t enough. Thoughts weren’t enough to keep me
anymore. So I spent the next two days thinking about the show. That’s really
what kept me going until I got back home. I watched the ocean and pictured
myself on the small screen, not doing porn, but really acting.

*****

I couldn’t wait to get back home. I needed to be alone, to think about things.
I needed to call my friends and tell them all that had happened and ask them for
their thoughts. Maybe I was missing something; maybe I wasn’t seeing the big
picture.
“I really enjoyed being with you Jazzy, it was just like old times. Making
love, sleeping next to you, walking up with you in my arms, I miss that, you
know?”
Again, his words pulled me from my thoughts and again I played his game.
“Oh, yeah, me too, it’s been a long time you know, too long.”
 I felt bad, lying to him like that, but what was the truth between us, and what
were the lies? I was on an emotional rollercoaster that would not stop.
“Is that your building?” Breeze asked as I watched the flame blazing out the
window above my apartment.
“What the fuck, oh, shit, that’s right above me; stop the car, STOP THE
CAR.”
I jumped out and raced toward my building. Cops and fire fighters were
outside and they stopped me from going in.
“I live there, that’s my apartment just below that window,” I said as I pointed
to my bedroom window.
“You can’t go in there, the ceiling collapsed and your living room is now on
fire. You might as well go to a hotel if you can; it’ll be days, if not weeks, before
anyone will be able to go back in there.”
I stood there hopelessly watching everything I owned go up in flames. What
was I going to do, where was I going to go? My whole life was in that
apartment.
“What did they say? What happened?” Breeze asked once he parked his car
and walked over to me.
“He just said that it’s going to be a while until I’ll be able to get in there.
What am I going to do Breeze? All of my things are gone, everything. Things I
came from Baltimore with, things I’ve had since I was in Puerto Rico, they’re all
gone,” I said as I started to break down. I didn’t care about my clothes or
expensive purses. I was thinking about the things that had been in my family
since before I was born, things that reminded me of my mother, before her
downfall. And things that I held on to because of my dad, things that he had
given me or that reminded me of him. And now, they were all gone, burned to
ashes from what I could tell.
“My offer is still on the table Jazzy. If you come with me, you will want for
nothing, I will give you everything. Even if it’s just for now, move in with me.
I’ll understand if you change your mind later, but for now, give it a chance.”
I stood there for ten minutes thinking. I had enough money to rent another
place tomorrow if I wanted to. I also had friends who would take me in at a drop
of a dime. But I wasn’t going to go over Jamar’s house. He had way too much
going on. Plus that asshole was there. And DeeDee had Ebony staying with her,
so I sure as hell wasn’t going there. Okay, so what if I did rent a place until I left,
would Breeze be mad, would he take the show opportunity from me?
I looked at him and instantly remembered who I was dealing with, of course
he would. He may have been offering me the world on a diamond platter, but I
also knew that his diamond platter came with strings attached. It all could be
taken from me if he didn’t get his way. FUCKKKKKKKKKK, I guess I had to
do it. As I walked to his car, with him smiling from ear to ear, I knew that this
would only be temporary. I would do the show, pack my shit, and leave without
looking back.
 Chapter 30

“You and Only You”

The next day was horrible, not only was I hung over but I had to go home
where I was bound to see Tyree. I knew before I left Jasmine’s place I was going
to act like nothing happened. I was pissed and wanted to hurt Tyree as much as
he hurt me, but I didn’t know exactly how, seeing that he was heartless. I just
had to play it by ear, and be careful seeing that we sleep in the same bed four
days a week. All I could hear in my head was Dru Hill singing, Somebody’s
Sleeping in my Bed and I came to realize I had no idea who that somebody was. I
pulled in the drive way and saw his truck and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I
parked the car, turned off the ignition, and just stayed in the car until the ninety
degree weather made me sweat and feel sticky.
Now it was time to face the music. I got a little excited when I walked in the
house and didn’t smell any weed burning That meant one of two things; he
caught a cab somewhere, since it was still difficult for him to drive with his cast
on or he stayed up all night playing video games and was sleeping the day away.
I was as quiet as I could be when I peeked my head around the corner just
enough to look in the living room. The first thing I noticed was that the
television and PlayStation were still on. Then I darted my eyes to the couch, and
there that lying bastard was, passed out with one leg hanging over the top of the
couch, and his good arm hanging off while amazingly still holding on to the
controller.
I started to turn everything off but quickly turned around once it occurred to
me that I might wake him up by doing so. I did however manage to pick up the
baggie of weed off the coffee table without even making a sound. My mouth had
a nasty taste in it and even though I was going to smoke the rest of the day and
all night, the first thing I needed to do was get my mouthwash and electric
toothbrush ASAP. After my pearly whites were fresh and clean just the way I
like them, I kicked off my Dior Homme leather high top sneakers, stripped out
of my jeans, boxers, wife beater, and blue polo shirt and left everything on the
floor. I turned the water on as hot as I could take it so the bathroom would get
hot and steamy, because what I really wished I had at that moment was a sauna.
The weirdest thing happened, which I’ll never forget, I was so horny I
masturbated thinking about the hot times Tyree and I had in the shower, but as
soon as I relieved myself I felt ashamed and disgusted. I just stood there and
cried. I cried so long that the water turned cold. After I dried off I looked in the
mirror, and my eyes were still watery and blood shot, and I hadn’t even smoked
yet. I couldn’t believe it was actually over, at least to me it was over.
What do you do when the future you planned for you and the love of your
life is no longer an option? You move on, right? Well, that’s exactly what I had
planned to do, as soon as I got my revenge. At first I started with small things
like taking a lot of the weed and hiding it for myself every time we re-upped,
just so he’d have to keep buying it. I also continuously asked him to pick me up
some new shirts, jeans, and cologne when I knew he was at the mall. I even
researched stores in Santa Barbara that sold brand name sunglasses and had him
buy me a thirty five hundred dollar pair the next time he was out of town.
He started to catch on and said, “Hold up, J, you’re been asking for a lot here
lately. I need, I mean, we need to start saving money because you never know
what’s going to happen in the future. We can’t be porn stars forever. I didn’t
bother to ask him why because every responsible person should save money
when their expecting a child, so I lied and said I’d put the money in his account
as soon as he got back to L.A. That was then, this is now, but I failed to mention
the first time I saw him after finding out the truth.
I was in the kitchen getting my mind right and needed to get some things off
my chest, but since I couldn’t tell Tyree how I felt yet, I just wrote it down.
You and Only You. From: Krave To: Konceited
Your face continues to haunt me in my dreams
You’re trapped in my memory bank so it seems
Everything I enjoy reminds me of you
I want to forget you but what can I do?
What happened to you, I thought you were my boo?
I dreamt of us while you looked for something new
I tried hard to make it work with you and me
As the days went on it became clear to see
You weren’t into me, as you appeared to be
 You feed me nothing but lies being untrue
Silly you, thinking I don’t have a clue
I just need some time to think this through
I’m not sure what I want to do to you
After Ebony I hoped you would change and see
Basically how much you truly meant to me
Do you want to know what I find so strange?
How the things you know will suddenly change
And everything you know is rearranged
Like I never thought one could have me tamed
Next thing I knew you were the one I claimed
I was blinded by love while you were lame
Using me as a player in your game
All your games and lies made me go insane
I hope you know you’re the one to blame
For my broken heart though it beats the same
It’s sad to think there was nothing behind your kiss
You and only you has ever hurt me like this.

Just as I was finishing my blunt and poem Tyree walked in the kitchen
yawning and rubbing his eyes as if he was still trying to wake up.
“What’s up sexy? What are you doing?”
“Nothing just writing.”
“Writing? Writing what?”
“A poem.”
“Oh, word. I didn’t even know you liked poetry. Is it about me?” he asked
with such arrogance as if he already knew it was about him, and then stared at
me with a huge ass grin on his face.
“You and only you,” I replied in a happy tone but it should’ve sounded
sarcastic because in reality I wanted to cuss him out.
“I’m hungry. What are you fixing for dinner?”
“I’m not feeling that good so you might have to order us something.”
“Okay, I can do that, but what’s wrong with you?”
“I’m a little hung over. I hung out with Jasmine and DeeDee last night.”
“I bet you had fun. What did Jasmine have to talk about? Didn’t she just get
back from Vegas?”
“I mean it was fun, but the night didn’t go exactly how I thought it would
go.”
“Why not, what happened?”
“We just hung out, and got fucked up. I thought we were going to go out or
something. Anyway Jasmine went to a few places with Lanell. It looks like those
two are pretty serious now. He’s opening up a club in Vegas for her. Oh, yeah,
she took a few pictures and videos with her cell phone and showed them to us.
They were very interesting. I think you would’ve been shocked if you saw
them.”
“Oh, for real?” he answered as he half listened to what I was saying because
he was too busy looking in the refrigerator.
I didn’t bother responding since I realized I lost his interest, in more ways
than one.
“So, J, you really aren’t cooking anything tonight? Come on man, I’m
starving over here.”
“Nope, go ahead and order us something.”
“Come on baby, please. I’m in the mood for some steak, potatoes, and
carrots for some reason.”
Was he fucking serious? He had some nerve.
“YOU TRIFLING ASS NO GOOD MOTHERFUCKA, HOW ABOUT
YOU CALL THAT BITCH IN SANTA BARBARA AND HAVE HER FIX
YOU SOME FUCKING STEAK BECAUSE I’M NEVER COOKING FOR
YOUR SORRY ASS AGAIN!” I screamed as I threw the notebook at his head,
distracting him long enough so I could stab him in the neck with my pen. As
blood squirted out, I grabbed his head and put in the freezer and slammed the
door closed over and over and over again.
“SOOOOO?”
Damn, I did it again, blacked out picturing what I would love to do to those
people who I’ve loved the most but been hurt by the most. They have really
made me lose myself in a sense, and think evil things that I have never thought
of. Anyone who knew me in the past would tell you I’d never even cussed
someone out let alone physically hurt someone, but I guess sometimes the Devil
gets the best of all of us. I looked back up from daydreaming and realized he was
still waiting to see if I was actually going to cook for him.
“How about this, I’ll call in the order, and then throw some clothes on, drive
you down to The Steak House and you can run inside and pick it up since I’m
not feeling that good to eat there?”
“But, baby, it’ll be cold by the time we get back.”
 “Stop sounding like you’re begging, Tyree, it’s not a good look on you. You
can eat in YOUR car on the drive back, get back here, smoke, and then heat the
rest up later. Think about it, it’s not rocket science.”
Okay, so my acting skills need major improvement, since I was pretending to
be nice, but snapping on him. The more I think about it the more I get disgusted
with his dumbass and wonder how I was stupid enough to fall for such a loser.
“Good idea boo, I’ll get ready now and grab my wallet.”
Too easy! That was the start of my revenge.
Once we got back I rolled up, smoked, and ate all at the same time, I know
I’m ass backward but I wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. I
wished I never smoked that night because I started thinking about everything he
did behind my back; filming a porno with Domingo even though I asked him not
too, fucking my best friend on numerous occasions, in my house no less, and
now getting some bitch pregnant. At first I started to shake my head and laugh to
myself because I was in shock all over again, and had to laugh from crying. I
kept looking at him like you don’t care about anyone but yourself. Then, I
started to get pissed. I wanted to punch him in the face so bad but every time I
balled up my fist, I couldn’t do it. That just made me even madder. I started
shaking and I got really cold, freezing cold to the point that my teeth were
jittering. I had no idea what was happening but the more I dwelled on it the more
I shook. My chest started hurting and getting tight, so my initial reaction was
that I let this motherfucka cause me to have a heart attack. I put my food down
on the coffee table and raised my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms
around them to ball up and try to warm myself up. When Tyree tried to pass me
the blunt he could tell something was wrong right away because I saw it in his
eyes.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
“I don’t know. I’m freezing all of a sudden and my chest hurts; I think I’m
having a heart attack.”
If I wasn’t disgusted before, I was now because he moved closer to me and
put his arms around me. Then, he started moving them up and down quickly, as
if he was trying to warm me up. I wanted to scream “GET YOUR FUCKING
HANDS OFF OF ME, LIAR”, but I decided to jump up. I ran to the bathroom
because I remembered someone telling me once that if you take a shower it will
bring your high down. I figured what the hell, since I was obviously either too
high and having a panic attack or I was having a heart attack. I stripped down
and got in the shower for the second time within a few hours, but even though
the water was warm I was still freezing and couldn’t stop shaking, it was
actually getting worse. I quickly jumped out the shower and almost fell, my legs
split apart and one hand was on the wall and the other was on the sink as I
caught my balance. I shook that off, thinking how fucked up that would’ve been
and dried off, ran to our bedroom butt naked, jumped on the bed, and got under
the sheets and comforter as fast as I could. After ten minutes I started to warm
up but my chest was still killing me. No matter how I moved or tried to lay I felt
a sharp pain so I just stayed still. I must’ve freaked Tyree out because he
finished the blunt before he came in the bedroom to check on me.
“Damn, J, what’s wrong? You’re tripping tonight?”
“I don’t know but it’s freaking me out.”
“Do you want me to call 911?”
“And tell them what? I was getting high and now my chest hurts? Get the
fuck out of here.”
“Damn, I was just making a suggestion.”
I didn’t say anything else I just held my chest and closed my eyes. I never
expected Tyree to crawl in bed beside me and hold me. I wanted to push him off
of me, but I won’t lie and say it didn’t feel good to know he was concerned, even
if it was only for that moment. Plus I was so scared that if I made any sudden
movements, I would really cause myself to have a heart attack and die high as
fuck butt ass naked, not a good look. Anyway the more I thought about it the
more nervous I got. I almost started to cry but my pride wouldn’t let me do that
in front of Tyree, so I started praying to God instead.
I made a promise if He helped me I would never smoke again. I’ll be one
hundred percent, at that moment I had full intentions on holding up my end of
the bargain, but a true weed head can only hold out for so long. I needed to think
about something else besides my heart beating faster than it ever had before, but
I couldn’t stay focused on a single thought. My mind was racing my heart beat to
see who could move the fastest. I had never experienced anything like it. I was
having 20 different thoughts a minute. Till the day I die I’ll never forget what
happened next because afterwards I was ashamed, embarrassed, and a few tears
actually crept down my cheeks.
“Tyree, take off your clothes,” I said in a panic.
“Say what?”
I could hear the confusion in his voice.
“You heard me, take off your clothes and fuck me.”
“Are you sure you should be having sex right now?”
 “I don’t give a fuck. I need to take my mind off of having a heart attack
before I scare myself to the point that I actually have one. Feel my chest.”
He put his hand on my chest and again I could tell I was freaking him out.
Tyree did what I said, and grabbed the Vaseline off the dresser before getting
back in bed. I positioned my body so I was lying on my left side, that way he
could lay behind me. I think he was worried about hurting me because normally
he’d bang me out but that particular time he slowly slid inside me, moving in
and out with slow smooth strokes. Surprisingly it worked. I was able to relax
long enough so that as soon as he finished, and I knew that he couldn’t see the
tears fall down my face, I laid there and fell asleep.
When I woke up later that night or early in the morning depending on how
you look at it my chest was still a little sore and I was scared to move a certain
way, but since I wasn’t high, I wasn’t freaking out anymore. I realized I was just
having a panic attack. Tyree was out in the living room doing his thing, getting
high and playing video games.
“Yo, do you feel better now?”
“My chest still feels kind of tight, but I’m okay.”
“Man, this weed had you tripping tonight baby, you were praying and talking
to God begging Him to make the pain go away. I would offer you some, but I
heard your promise and I don’t want you to have another bad trip.”
I laughed to myself because I couldn’t believe I actually did that.
“It’s cool, I’m good.”
I left him alone because I still couldn’t believe what happened let alone that I
had sex with him again. He was considerate enough though to put my food in the
microwave. So I heated it up and ate it in the kitchen alone.
The next few days were okay. I avoided Tyree as much as possible. At work
we had to film a few scenes together but luckily they were all threesomes. Tyree
and I were the tops so we didn’t have to interact with each other; the bottoms got
all the attention. After work I found other things to do to take up my time. I went
to the movies alone a lot, I hung out with DeeDee a few times or I just chilled
out by the pool by myself thinking and plotting.
Jasmine was sweet enough to call and check up on me every day. So when
she called and asked me to go with her for support at an upcoming appearance I
couldn’t turn her down. I needed to see her and wanted to get out of the house so
it was perfect timing. The club was okay, but it was a straight club. So, I wasn’t
getting the attention I craved. I got a couple of looks and had to wonder, I bet
he’s DL and thinks I’m hot, or he’s a fan but too scared to approach me because
he’s with his boys. The funny thing about that was I caught one of his boys
checking me out too. I knew after a couple of drinks I’d break the ice and speak.
I kept Jasmine company while she changed into her revealing, but sexy outfit. I
watched her fix her hair and do her makeup before finally rubbing lotion all over
her body.
A couple of minutes before show time I went back out in the club so I could
get a front row seat. There was no doubt in my mind that she could dance but I
wanted to know what all the fuss was about. As soon as the lights dimmed the
men started whistling and hollering as if they were all hard and ready. I didn’t
expect her to perform multiple songs and kill them all, but I guess when you’re
that good you get a rush out of being on stage in front of a big crowd. It didn’t
hurt that they were constantly throwing money on the stage, and putting it on
her. I was getting into it and cheering her on “GO GET IT, GET IT GO” until I
noticed she was getting up close and personal with a man on the other side of the
stage.
The way she was getting down and giving him basically his own private
show, while bumping and grinning all up in his face, made my curiosity get the
best of me. I had to get up and walk over to see who was fine enough to grab her
attention, but I quickly stopped in my tracks and gasped when I realized it was
Breeze, our boss for God’s sake. I had to wonder what the fuck was wrong with
her. Lanell just brought her a club and now she’s turning on her previous lover,
if that’s what you want to call him. I wouldn’t dare, but then again maybe she
wanted to show him what he was missing out on, either way I was disgusted
with both of our recent actions.
After her performance I stood to the side and got a different perspective of
the meet and greet. I watched as she signed pictures, talked to fans, and took
pictures. It was nice to see what it looks like from the side lines and it made me
appreciate my career even more.

*****

I was doing so good holding up my end of the deal I made with God until
later that night when we got back to Jasmine’s condo, damn peer pressure is a
bitch, or a friend named Jasmine.
“Please tell me you saw that fine ass motherfucka get in line three times. His
ass was thirsty, he kept whispering in my ear, “I’d eat your pussy for days.”
“Eww, not with that foul mouth; did you see those gold teeth or were they
just yellow? I couldn’t tell from where I was standing.”
“So you did see him. He was fine, but damnnn, his grill was fucked.
YUCK!”
“What was up with that dude in the fur coat as hot as it was out tonight?
Please don’t tell me he was a pimp. I hope you didn’t look him in the eyes,
because he might think he owns you now.”
“I know right, I signed his picture and pushed it to the side real quick so he
knew to keep it moving, but hold up he gave me something for you.”
“FOR ME?”
Jasmine jumped up laughing and talking to herself “I can’t believe I forgot
this” as she grabbed her purse. She pulled out something then ran over and
flicked it at me, but since my ass couldn’t catch, it fell on the floor beside me. I
noticed as I was picking it up that it was his business card, he really was a pimp.
“There you go lover, maybe he can help you out on your “side jobs,” she
said while moving her fingers as if they were quotations.
“BITCH, fuck you. I don’t need no motherfucking pimp when I am the
pimp; them hoes pay me. Plus, I’m as sweet and good as Now and Laters. While
you were doing your thing I figured why not get some now, and got this boy’s
number so I could get some ass later. How you like me now?”
I failed to mention the rest of that night. I knew those dudes were cruising
me. Behind a club isn’t my place of choice, but with my truck keys in Jasmine’s
purse locked up and dealing with a dude who’s scared his boys will walk up in
the bathroom looking for him, you gotta do what the scary cat, or should I say
alley cat suggests.
“Jamar, please don’t tell me my plus one fucked someone in the club.”
“Calm down girl, I didn’t.”
“Oh, okay, good, cuz I was about to say.” I cut her off before she could
finish.
“I just got my dick sucked behind the club. I had to satisfy my fan while you
were almost done greeting yours.”
We both started to laugh as she shook her head. I’m pretty sure she and
millions of others got it in at a place, or two that she or they aren’t so proud of it
either.
I decided since we were having so much fun laughing and talking about her
show that I’d stay the night again, instead of going home and having to sleep in
the same bed as that asshole.
 Chapter 31

“I know you can fight and all, but DeeDee,

that bitch is like Mike Tyson on crack.”
The next few days at Breeze’s house weren’t so bad. I had forgotten how
lovely his place was. He had his home rid of anything that had to do with Tanya
and as a surprise; pictures of me had taken the places where hers used to hang.
The biggest of them being above the fire place and in the master bedroom
Portraits standing taller than two men and wider than three people standing with
their arms spread out. It was a nice touch even though I wasn’t planning on
staying too long.
“What time are you going in today?” Breeze asked as he stepped out of the
shower.
“I’m not sure.”
I knew where he was going but wasn’t going to meet him half way.
“Why don’t you ride in with me?”
I knew it, and I knew why he wanted me to go into work with him. He was
all about the show, wanting to show them that he had won, again, and the prize
was me.
“No, you have to go in way too early, my shoot is at three.”
I tried leaving the bathroom before he made up a reason why I would have to
go in earlier than my call time. I still hadn’t called Jamar or DeeDee to tell them
that I was now living with Breeze. I was looking forward to seeing them because
I thought that telling them in person would allow me to better explain the how,
what, and why’s.
“Hey don’t forget I have the New York trip coming up soon. Are you sure
you don’t want to come with me?”
There was no way in hell I wanted to go with him. All he was going to do
was check out some girl he had been hearing a lot about from a friend. It was
going to be a two day trip that I had no problem missing.
“No, I have a lot of things to do around here, I’ll go next time.”
Breeze went on to work without me. Before he left out, he told me that after
he got off we were going shopping. He got no arguments from me as far as that
was concerned. Once he left, I showered, and took my time getting ready. He
had a nice bathroom that was so roomy that I could fit half of my old apartment
in it. I looked around for lotion, and other toiletries, under the sink, in the closet,
and behind the glass in the bathroom. I didn’t find what I was looking for but I
did find a funny looking bottle with liquid in it. I typed in the name that was
written on the bottle into my phone and had to fight myself so that I wouldn’t
throw up. That motherfucker had a date-rape drug just chillin’ in his bathroom
cabinet. As I thought about things, I realized that he had used it on me, Ebony,
and god knows who else. Breeze was a dirty low down dirty dude, but I was sure
happy to finally have something on him. I knew that one day, I would need it.

*****

Hey bitch, where you been?” DeeDee asked me as soon as I walked into the
dressing room. All eyes were on me and although they always were, something
seemed different.
“Long story girl, I hope that you and Jamar could hang a little after work?” I
asked as I put in my combination for my locker before opening it.
“Girl, please, I’m sure I know at least half of what you gonna tell me. Shit is
flying around here as if there’s a tornado near.”
I knew by the way DeeDee spoke that she was aiming her words at not just
me. She let the bass heighten the volume in her voice as she looked at the other
girls and rolled her eyes.
“You know how it is; bitches like to get reckless with words without
knowing a motherfuckin’ thing. By the way, have you seen all of your new
pictures?”
I scrunched up my face and shook my head.
“What are you talking about?”
There’s no way she could have known about Breeze replacing all of Tanya’s
pictures with mine at the house. She took my hand and led me out of the
dressing room. As we walked through the warehouse, my face was everywhere.
Life-size, bigger, smaller, retro style, futuristic, you name it, I had a picture in
that style and size.
“This is why all them bitches are talking. This is what Breeze had done when
he got with Tanya, so now they hating on you, hard. But you know what? I want
to know what the fuck is going on myself. Things have been flying around here
for days but I don’t believe any of it. I am right for not believing it, right?”
“What did you hear?”
This was my first day back at Fantasy Pictures since Breeze told me that I
could go home, yet she had already heard things? I just didn’t get it. I hadn’t
spoken to anyone and I don’t think that Breeze told anyone anything.
“You know what I heard, are they true or what?”
I couldn’t even answer her. I was ashamed to tell her that I was now sleeping
with the enemy and she knew it.
“You know what, don’t say anything. I’m gonna text Jamar, I think he’s
filming. I’m going to tell him that we’re going to my place once we’re all done
working, I can’t get over this shit. You got a lot of explaining to do.”
DeeDee walked away with her phone in hand. She looked disgusted and
confused, and so was I. I couldn’t even be mad at how she was feeling, Jamar
and her needed to be filled in on myself destruction, but as far as the reason,
well, I didn’t have one.

*****

I followed DeeDee and Jamar as we headed to her place. I had never been
there but as soon as we pulled up to her gated community, it definitely looked
like a place Mr. Cappello would call his part-time home. This bitch was living
large, just like the bosses concubine should. We all parked around her oval water
fountain that sat in front of the house and headed for her front door.
“Damn, girl, why we always hanging out at my place when we could have
been chillin’ here? Your place is sick.” I said as she unlocked the door.
“Wait ‘til you see inside. I ain’t fucking for free, you know. I love Bobby
now, but when I first met him, I knew that getting with him would get me shit
like this,” she said, as she pushed the door open. I walked around her house and
took everything in. She had exquisite taste.
 “Like father, like son, huh?” I asked, pointing at a huge picture of DeeDee
that almost covered a whole wall.
“I guess so,” she said as we shared a laugh. So I’m gonna go get a cold bottle
of bubbly and pull out my stash so we can get this inquisition started.”
Jamar and I headed to her cream colored living room as she headed to the
kitchen. I tried to get my thoughts together and get ready for the shit they were
sure to throw my way. As we waited for her to come back, Jamar leaned in and
put his hand on my knee.
“Please tell me that what I’ve been hearing ain’t true?”
I didn’t answer. I figured if I was going to break things down and plead my
case, I should only have to do it once.
“Jasmine, I know you heard me.”
Still I didn’t answer, I just smiled.
“Oh, hell no, yah can’t start without me,” DeeDee said as she sat the tray
down and handed us Champagne flutes.
“So go ahead and quit your grinning and spread your linens girl, go on and
tell us what’s been going on between your sheets.”
“Well, I guess I should start after the lockdown.”
I took a deep breath, and then started to talk. I didn’t stop until almost every
detail of the recent happenings in my life was all laid out for them to scrutinize. I
told them everything about Breeze and I, decided to drop the Lanell bomb after
hearing their thoughts.
“Wait, so it just so happens that your apartment was set on fire after he got
you to go to Jamaica with him, AND it happened after he asked you to move in
with him?” DeeDee asked, with the “this shit don’t sound right” face.
“What are you trying to say?” I asked before I took a big sip of my drink.
“I ain’t saying shit; I’m asking if my timeline is right.”
I sensed a little attitude in DeeDee’s voice and that caused me to get one of
my own.
“Yeah, you heard right, so, and?”
She rolled her neck and stood up as she picked up on the sharpness that was
starting to take over my tone. Breeze was a lot of things, but for her to be hinting
at him being an arsonist was going too far. I watched her as she smiled and
shook her head. I would bet money on her thinking that I was the dumbest bitch
she had ever met in that moment. Or maybe she was thinking that I was lucky
she considered me a friend. If anyone else had spoken to her that way in her own
house, god only knows what would have happened.
 “Look Jazzy, you have got to try and put shit together, try and add one plus
one. If the math on that equals three or four, well you know things aren’t right,
am I right?”
Her question was directed to Jamar who looked as if he had a whole lot to
say but was holding back. We both waited to see what side he would take.
“Well…” That’s all he said before picking up his glass.
“Look, I know that Breeze is a little off and all, but what you’re saying, I
don’t think---.”
“That’s the fucking problem; you ain’t fucking thinking, Jasmine. I mean,
come on. This nigga pops out of nowhere and---.”
DeeDee was now standing and flailing her arms in the air as if she was trying
to take flight. My naiveté’ disgusted her and pushed her rage level to high.
“He didn’t pop out of nowhere, I fucking invited him,” I said as if this fact
would make me seem any smarter or make the situation any better. She let out a
sinister growl that I’m assuming was laughter and picked up her glass. She took
a long swig and flopped down on her couch before crossing her legs.
“What, you think that changes what I’m thinking? That only makes you look
worst. So you mean to tell me that after all the bullshit he has put you through,
after meeting a dude like Lust and falling for him, making plans to start over and
have a better life, you go and pull this shit? How fucking dumb can you be?”
I had passed my boiling point. She didn’t know what the hell she was talking
about. She didn’t know about the pain and anguish that I have been holding in
since that shit with Lanell went down, and she had the nerve to be coming at me
like this? Who in the fuck did she think she was, my drunk ass mother? I jumped
off of her expensive couch and didn’t give a shit when half of my drink landed
on the seat cushion.
“First of all, I’m not going to be called dumb too many more times before I
go off on your ass. Second of all, you should really know what the fuck you’re
talking about before you start running your damn mouth. What the fuck you
know about Lanell? Do you know that he never showed up on my last trip to
Vegas? Do you know---?”
“SO THE FUCK WHAT? He didn’t show up, that don’t mean shit, that
don’t mean that you have to jump right back in the damn bed with Breeze. And
did you just spill your drink on my custom made couch?”
DeeDee never looked at me as she spoke. She just kept looking at the wet
spot on her precious couch. Now as much as I liked DeeDee, and as much as I
considered her to be a friend, my anger was to the point of no return. The more I
looked at her looking at the unimportant damage to the cushion, the angrier I got.
What I was trying to tell her was so much more important than her furniture. I
needed them in my corner, as my friends, but I didn’t feel like I was getting that.
So in my fit of fury, I did something so disrespectful. I filled up my glass, took a
sip, and then poured the rest of the liquor on her couch.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
DeeDee was off of the couch before the words finished leaving her mouth. It
was then that I realized the depth of my actions. Rage had blinded me to the
situation at hand. DeeDee was a friend, a friend that would kick my ass from
here to kingdom come.
“Come on Jazzy, that shit was foul,” Jamar said as he stood up and got
between me and DeeDee. He had to literally restrain her from reaching me and
doing damage.
“Oh, hell no bitch, I’m about to tap that ass.”
I wanted to say sorry, tell her that I didn’t mean to do it. I wanted to plead
with her to forgive me, but my pride wouldn’t let me do it.
“FUCK YOU, BITCH. YOU RUN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH TOO
MUCH.”
My phone rang as Jamar did his best to keep her from me. I walked over to
my purse, making sure to take the long way around DeeDee, and picked it up.
“I’ll be there soon,” I told Breeze after he asked me where I was at. I hung
up the phone happy that I had found a way out.
“Stupid bitch, you better leave my fucking house. I was just telling you the
truth, that’s what real friends do. Trying to help you avoid a big ass mistake
before you make it, but no, you want to fuck things up before they even get
started.”
I was on my way to the door as she spoke and almost made it out, but her
words struck a chord and made me turn around.
“NO, you know what real friends do, they listen, they comfort, and they wait
to hear the whole fucking story before they put in their two cents. Lanell never
showed up because he was fucking his wife, the wife he told me he was
divorcing. And to make matters worse, after calling a million times, that bitch
picked up and told me that he was in her fucking house as we spoke. He didn’t
even give me the common courtesy of calling and at least lying about why he
couldn’t come, and he still hasn’t called now. So now what, am I supposed to
wait and sleep on a friend’s couch until I make that move to Vegas? Fuck that
shit. I’m gonna lay up in a big ass house, do a feature on a sitcom, drive nice
cars, and make my money. Isn’t that what you’re doing here, fucking the boss to
live a better life? And you have the nerve to turn your nose up at me? FUCK
YOU, BITCH.”
Both she and Jamar seemed to be in shock. They didn’t think that my
explanation was headed in that direction.
“Wait Jazzy, don’t leave, come back here,” Jamar said with sadness in his
eyes and concern in his voice.
“No, I think that I’ve had enough of her for one day. I’m going shopping;
maybe we can catch a drink later on or something.”
The sound of my heels clacking against her marble floors echoed loudly. I
was damn near running for the door, praying that I made it out before the tears
that were forming in my eyes fell. But Jamar had seen them, and he wanted to
wipe them away with a hug and a shoulder to lean on, but for me, I just wanted
out. I made it to my car before I heard DeeDee calling me back.
“Jasmine, come back, my bad, I didn’t know.”
I got in my car and didn’t look back. I didn’t look back because of two
things. I had hurt a friend, I had hurt her because of my own pain, because of my
own disappointments, and because I wasn’t dealing with the issue at hand in the
right way. It was all bottled up, choking me, causing me to be irrational. I
couldn’t face her so soon, so soon after walking out of her house. I needed time
to deal, I needed to think, and I needed time to pull myself together. The second
reason, well, it was pride. My pride didn’t want to let her see me cry. I didn’t
want her to know that her words had gotten the best of me. I didn’t want to show
her that her verbal assault was like pouring salt on a fresh wound. And although
I should have said, ‘fuck pride’ and run into the arms of good hearted friends,
instead, I got in my car and burned rubber. I sped off without the comfort I
needed, without the assuring words I was looking for. I sped off without
knowing if I had lost one of the two true friends I have ever had.

*****

I really couldn’t enjoy shopping with Breeze like I wanted to. Everything
was weighing too heavily on my mind to jump for joy at the eighty five thousand
dollar damage I had done on his card, but I tried my best to play it off. Once we
got home, I jumped in the shower and tried to wash off the day’s bullshit. I made
the water boiling hot, hoping that it would sanitize me and burn away the bad
Juju that seemed to be taking over my life. After getting out, I felt lonely, Breeze
was there, but I didn’t need nor want him. I need a friend. I needed Jamar. I
slipped on Breeze’s robe and went into the bedroom. He was lying in bed
watching some game on ESPN. I was hoping that he wouldn’t bother me and
just keep on watching his game.
“Damn Jazzy, you smelling good as hell. Why don’t you come on over here
and watch the game with me?”
I rolled my eyes before turning around and faking a smile.
“I don’t do basketball, besides, I was about to call Jamar and ask him if he
wanted to hang, do you mind if I have some company for a while?”
“Okay, okay, I see how it is. But no, you can do whatever you want. This is
your house too Jazzy, you can have whoever you want over here. How many
times to I have to tell you this?”
He had gotten off of the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I
hugged him back wondering if he could feel the coldness in my touch. As I
walked out of the room, I looked back at him. Judging by the sadness in his eyes,
he had felt every bit of the chill my feelings toward him housed.
“Maybe after he leaves, you and I can put on a good movie like we did at my
old place and chill, how about that?”
He smiled, but he couldn’t hide the truth that my rejection had caused.
“Sure thing baby, whenever you ready, I’ll be here, I’m gonna wait.”
He and I both knew that he was talking about more than just the movie.

*****

“I’m so happy that you came,” I stepped aside as Jamar slipped by me and
entered the house.
“Is he home right now, cause that’s gonna be awkward?”
“He” was Breeze and I knew better than to tell him that he would be here
when I asked him to come.
“I know right, but what can I do? Plus, it’s cool we can go out to the
veranda.”
I walked Jamar through the house and hoped that Breeze really did leave us
alone. I needed my friend to hear me out and make me feel better. I wouldn’t be
able to talk so freely if Breeze was around.
“I can never get over how nice this place is.”
“Yeah, well, all that glitters isn’t always gold; remember that.”
Jamar smiled and shook his head in agreement.
“So, what the fuck was that shit about today?” Jamar asked as he pulled out
an already rolled blunt from his pocket. Guess he knew that we were going to
need it. I didn’t answer ‘til we were at least half way through the J.
“You know what?” I asked with smoke still in my lungs.
“I don’t even fucking know. Now you know that I would never spill no shit
on someone’s couch on purpose, how tacky was that? Let alone to do that shit to
DeeDee, what was I thinking?”
I passed the mellow green back over to him after taking in a big old puff.
“You weren’t fucking think at all, she was going to kill your ass,” he said as
we both laughed at the thought of me fighting wild ass DeeDee.
“I would have been able to handle my own.”
We both looked at each other and neither of us could stop our laughter. My
last statement was not only false, but it was unbelievable.
“I know you can fight and all, but DeeDee, that bitch is like Mike Tyson on
crack. She moves fast and carries a mean punch. And she won’t stop until she
sees blood or until you’re on the floor and have stopped moving.”
He was right.
“Do you think that she will ever talk to me again?” I held my breath hoping
for the best.
“You were bold as hell going at her like that. I think that if it were anyone
else…The good thing is that DeeDee really likes you. She always says that
you’re like a little sister to her. I think that she was over it the minute you
dropped all that heavy shit on us. But if I were you, I would call and apologize.
Oh, and don’t ever try that shit with her again. I think that this was your one and
only free pass.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, it won’t happen again. I’m just happy
that she cooled down before she blew up.”
“So how are you really feeling, about the whole L thing, are you sure he
hasn’t called?”
I looked around before I answered him. I wanted to make sure that the
would-be night stalker known as Breeze wasn’t around.
“Nope, haven’t heard a word, not one. Now tell me that ain’t some bullshit.
After our first time in Vegas, I spoke to him all day every day, now not a fucking
peep. Guess he knows that the jig is up, that I found out about him still being
with his wife.”
“I’m so sorry, Jazzy; I really didn’t see that shit coming. Isn’t it crazy how
you and I are kind of in the same spot, as far as love is concerned? We really do
know how to pick them, huh?”
“Like two fucking peas in a pod.”
We smoked and laughed and at times almost wanted to cry. The world
wasn’t as bright for neither of us as it was before. And as we wallowed and
chuckled at our current space in life, two hours had passed without us noticing.
“Well, I’m gonna head out, gotta go home and fake contentment and
blindness to the fact that Tyree’s a cheating asshole.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, boo.”
We stood up and headed to the door. He reached in his pocket and pulled out
his second to last J.
“You can have this, I got more at home. Plus something tells me that you’re
going to need it tonight.”
I took it from him as we both looked at the stairs that lead to Breeze.
“Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you for a favor. Before I head out for my audition
tomorrow, I have to go to my place and survey the damage. I wanted to know if I
could store some things in your garage; that is, if there is anything left after the
fire?”
He looked confused and I already knew what question was coming next.
“I just don’t want to move anything personal in here. I still plan on leaving.
If I have things here, I won’t be able to just get up and go. I promise they won’t
be there for long, I’ll have movers come and pick them up as soon as I get to
Vegas, please?”
“You don’t have to beg, Jazzy, you can use my garage for as long as you
want. I was just wondering why you wouldn’t want to bring them here, but I get
it now. That will be no problem. But I have to tell you, I really don’t think that
this is a good idea, living here and all. It just doesn’t seem right. And what if
Lanell ever found out? I know that things are crazy with you two, but I just don’t
think it’s right for you to be here. I’m just telling you as a friend.”
“That’s why I don’t plan on staying here too long.”
He was right and we both knew it. I gave him a tight hug and watched him as
he got in his car and drove away. I was so thankful that he was in my life. I
closed the door and headed up the stairs. Once in the room, I lit the blunt Jamar
left behind and crawled into bed with my current bedmate.
 “So, what do you want to watch?” Breeze asked as I slid into his arms and
passed him the weed.

*****

The next morning, I went over to my place and held my breath before I
turned the key. I was afraid to open the door and see my place completely
destroyed. I pushed the door opened with my eyes closed and just stood there.
The vacant smell of smoke and burnt materials invaded my nostrils. My stomach
sank to my feet as my imagination ran wild. Finally I just said fuck it and opened
my eyes.
“Oh, my God,” I said as a smile crept across my face. I could forget about
salvaging any electronics due to water damage, but besides that, most of my
things were okay. I walked around and put pink post-it notes on everything I
wanted the moving company to pick up. There wasn’t much that I wanted. I was
going to be leaving a lot behind. Didn’t want the old memories, just taking my
mother’s art pieces and some things I had since Puerto Rico. All together I think
I had about ten boxes worth of stuff. An hour later, I had my jewelry box in hand
and was ready to head for my audition.

*****

“So we’ll call you and let you know our decision.”
I had been in the director’s office for no longer then fifteen minutes before
he gave me that old Hollywood bullshit line about calling me.
“I can do it again, read it a different way maybe?”
I was willing to try anything to get this part. And I’m not sure that sleeping
with him was off that list.
“No, that won’t be necessary, we’ll call you.”
With that, I knew that it was time to make my exit. By the time I got to my
car, I was close to tears. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. To me, that was
one of my best readings yet. I picked up the lines right away and didn’t even
have to look at the script. I just didn’t know why he didn’t like it, and that was
frustrating. I drove straight home with one thing in mind. I needed a stiff drink
and to be alone. My dream, the dream that kept me alive through my mother’s
bullshit, the dream that was so close today that I could smell it had yet again
eluded me. I couldn’t wait to kiss this fucking town goodbye.
When I got home, I walked directly to Breeze’s well stocked bar. I poured
myself a tall glass of liquor and drank it straight. I poured myself a second one,
kicked off my shoes, and was on my way upstairs when I heard the doorbell. I
stopped and looked at the door hoping that whoever it was would go away.
When they didn’t ring again, I continued on my way up the stairs. Boom, Boom,
Boom! Who the fuck is that, I asked myself. I looked at the clock on the wall
and it read 1:30. When the banging continued, I made my way back down the
few steps and unlocked the door.
“WHO THE HELL IS IT?”
I swung the door open and immediately wished that I had kept it closed. The
glass that was in my hand crashed against the floor. It shattered into millions of
little pieces, as if it were imitating my life.
“What, how, what are…”
“Just had to see it for myself, wouldn’t believe it unless I did.”
“What are you doing here…who told you, how did you know?”
“Does it matter?”
Lanell turned his back on me after giving me the dirtiest look I had ever
gotten in my life. My right foot dug into the sharp glass on the ground and begun
to bleed, I didn’t even notice nor did I feel any pain as I followed him, leaving a
trail of blood behind.
“What are you doing here Lanell, and how did you know where to find me?”
I asked as I grabbed onto his arm forcing him to turn around. He stopped
walking, yanked his arm out of my hand and looked straight at me.
“Someone told me where to find your trifling ass, someone who couldn’t
stomach the thought of me not knowing that my fiancé is fucking and living with
her boss.”
“Your fiancé, really? You still considered me that after fucking and laying
up with your wife? I didn’t know you could have both of those at the same time,
a wife and a fiancé.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Was he really trying to stand there and play the dumb card? What did he take
me for, an idiot?
“What, she didn’t tell you that I spoke to her?”
“My wife?”
 “Oh, now you remember that you have one?”
He didn’t answer. He just stared.
“Why didn’t you come to Vegas?”
“Why are you here, in this house, are you really living with him?
He heard my question but wanted his answered first.
“Was it because you were in her house, her bed, your wife that is? Did you
tell her you loved her as you fucked her, you know, how you do with me? Is that
one of your favorite lines? Does it turn you on to play with people’s minds and
hearts?”
I wanted the truth this time and I wasn’t going to stop asking my questions
until I got it.
“So how long did it take you to move in with him, a day, a few, a week
maybe?”
“Did she tell you that I spoke to her, the night you were supposed to meet me
in Vegas? She told me that you were there, in her bed. She told me that you two
were still together. So, how long have you been lying to me, filling me up with
your lies, your fake dreams, your bullshit?”
“When did you speak to her?”
“That night. The night you were supposed to come. That night my whole
fucking WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN.”
I was losing the cool I was trying to hold on to. He was still lying; he was
still treating me as if I was dumb.
“That night, that night, I was with my son. He was sick; I had a hard time
seeing him before that. I was going to call but---.”
“But you never called. Not that night, not the night after. YOU NEVER
CALLED.”
“I was there FOR MY SON, NOT MY WIFE.”
“No, you were there for her too, she told me so. Said that old was new again.
Said that you were in her bed as we spoke. Was she lying?”
We were face to face, eyes to eye. I wanted to see if he could just lie to my
face without even blinking, without even caring.
“I was there, in her house, in her bed, not with her, but I feel asleep with my
son.”
“Why didn’t you call me Lanell, you never called?”
His eyes softened as he heard the pain in my voice.
“I couldn’t Jasmine, my phone was gone. Couldn’t find it when I got up, she
said she couldn’t find it either. I called her every day, but she said she never
found it. All my numbers were lost; I couldn’t even call my brother until I spoke
to my parents. I waited for you to call once I got a new phone. Kept it with me
night and day, just waiting. When you never did, I thought I would come out and
surprise you, tell you what happened.”
“So it was all a lie, what she said?”
I felt dumb; I was dumb for believing her.
“All lies. But this isn’t, you living here, being with HIM. It’s all true, and
that’s a shame. Didn’t want to believe it but I have to believe my eyes, WHAT
THE FUCK, JASMINE, HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT, AFTER NOT
HEARING FROM ME, TO MOVE IN HERE?”
“We can fix this Lanell, we can figure everything out. Just calm down, you
have to understand.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to his truck. Panic started
to set in once I realized that he was about to leave. I grabbed onto his arm again
and held on tight.
“I didn’t know that she was lying, Lanell. I was hurt, in shock. I needed a
place to go; my place was set on fire. I needed a place to go. Don’t you
understand that’s all this is, a place to live, nothing more?”
“Did you fuck him? Have you fucked him since you said yes to me?”
I didn’t answer him, I couldn’t answer.
“You can keep the ring,” he said that with such closure, as if I would never
see him again. And as he pushed the unlock button on his keychain, I lost my
mind.
“NO, PLEASE LANELL; YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE,
JUST UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS HURT, I NEEDED A PLACE TO GO,
PLEASEEEE.”
We were having a fight of tug of war, I was holding onto him, any part of
him so that he wouldn’t leave, so that he couldn’t leave. He was pulling away,
trying to get away from me.
“We can work this out, please, just listen to me, Lanell, just listen.”
I was crying, trying to hold on to him, trying to hold on to what we had.
“Nah, I’m good, the proof is in the pudding.”
With that, he pushed me away from him and slammed his car door.
“I thought you said you loved me?” We asked in unison.
“I did,” he answered.
“I still do,” I said before he drove away.
 Chapter 32

“Here’s to new beginnings.”

A few weeks went by and it seemed like Tyree was doing his own thing
while I was doing mine. We didn’t discuss it but I didn’t care who he fucked,
when he fucked, as long as he fucked me when I needed it. Even though I wasn’t
in love with him anymore I still had needs and you don’t find dicks like Tyree’s
too often. Once or twice a week I’d walk up to him, pause his video game, suck
and ride his dick long enough for both of us to get off then I’d let him be. I
wanted him to think we were still good so there were no emotions attached to
our sex, it was strictly me doing what I had to do; kind of like the “straight” men
in prison, I’m assuming that’s what some of the men in there who crave pussy do
when their hands are no longer good enough to satisfy the urge and their only
option is to fuck another man.
I was feeling good, I had come to grips that we were just roommates and I
was ready to move on. The weekend was over and Tyree just returned from
seeing his girlfriend so I had the urge to spend his money. Tyree caught on to me
using him for free stuff and in so many words cut me off, so I had to take matters
into my own hands. I stole his check card out of his wallet when he wasn’t
looking and headed to the mall. I brought a bunch of shit I didn’t even need from
the stores I knew they wouldn’t even bother asking for identification. I had
plenty of money, way more than the average 20 year old has or needs but I
wanted to waste his.
Just for a laugh I brought him a couple of outfits with his own money, just so
I could smile and say I was thinking about him. After getting a quick bite to eat
on his dime I was driving down Sunset Boulevard when I spotted someone. At
first I almost didn’t recognize him because he looked like he had been to hell
and back. I noticed it looked like he was begging for money from everyone who
walked passed him. As I slowly drove pass I started to just go home and pray for
him, but I put myself in his shoes and thought Damn, I would hope if I was ever
homeless and someone recognized me, he or she would help me out. I pulled
over real quick, and then got out my truck so I could walk down to where I saw
him standing. I smiled and started to say hi but he spoke first.
“Excuse me, sir; do you have any extra money that you could spare? I’m
starving and haven’t had anything to eat in days.”
I knew right away that he didn’t realize it was me, but then again he had his
head down as if he was ashamed. He had on some torn jeans that were stained,
especially in the knee areas, his shoes that were once white were now grayish
black, his hair which used to always be in long braids were now a small uneven
afro. His lips which used to be plump and juicy looked dry and crusty. I almost
gave him the four hundred dollars I had on me and planned to just walk away but
something told me he needed more than my play money.
“Domingo?”
He slowly looked up, put his head back down and said, “If you’re a fan and
aren’t buying keep moving, otherwise if you got a place to go I’m down for
whatever as long as you have sixty on you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was almost pathetic. Don’t get me
wrong, I wasn’t judging him since I’ve sold my soul pole a few times too but I
felt like what he was doing wasn’t right. He deserved a lot better.
“Domingo, it’s me Jamar, my bad, I mean Krave.”
He quickly looked up and his eyes opened wider as he stared at me for a
moment. After he realized it was me he checked me out from head to toe, and
then kept his head down.
“What do you want?” he asked so nonchalantly like he wasn’t excited to see
me.
“I saw you as I was driving by and at first I just wanted to say hi, but now I
want to help you.”
“Help me? Please no one can help me now. Besides why would you want to
do me any favors? Never mind I know what you want, you want to rub it in my
face every chance you get, right?”
“It’s not like that at all, I know we didn’t care for each other in the past, but I
want to help you for real. I promise you I’ll never throw it in your face. As a
matter of fact if you let me, I’ll take you to a nice hotel, clean you up, feed you,
and I’ll never bring it up or speak about it again.”
“So you’re not going to tell everyone at Fantasy Pictures you saw me out
here like this?”
“I won’t tell a soul.”
He started to cry, and at first I couldn’t understand what he was saying.
Finally he spoke up. “I do need help, I want help, but it’s too late.”
“It’s never too late, come on, trust me.”
I had no idea what I was doing nor did I know how I was going to help him,
but someone had too and I guess Fate would have it that I was that someone. The
first thing I wanted was to get a room because he needed a shower bad, and he
needed to soak in the tub for a while because he was funky. Normally I ride with
the air condition on full blast, but I had to put all of the windows down or it
would’ve been unbearable. He noticed and apologized over and over so I told
him to relax and not to worry about it so he’d feel a little bit more comfortable. I
was just happy my seats were leather so I could wipe them down later. As we
were driving I looked over and he was shaking. I knew he wasn’t cold, as hot as
it was outside so I assumed he was nervous.
“Relax, Domingo it’s going to be okay.”
“It’s not that man. I need a fix. I haven’t used since last night so I’m starting
to feel sick. Please help me.”
I didn’t understand. I was trying to help him.
“Tell me what you need. Are you hungry? Do you need some medicine?”
“Do you have a hundred dollars? I’ll pay you back when I can.”
I knew he wouldn’t be able to pay me back but since I was prepared to give
him all of the money I had on me it wasn’t a problem at all.
“Thanks Krave, I owe you one. Can you do me another me favor?”
“Sure just tell me what you need.”
“Make a right at the next light.”
We drove for a while as he gave me the directions. I knew shortly afterwards
where we were heading once I saw the kind of neighborhood we were in. We
finally pulled up to an apartment complex with mad people hanging outside. I’m
not going to lie I was scared and thought I made a mistake taking him there.
“I’ll be right back.”
At first I thought he was going to run off and leave me sitting there inside my
truck while I got stared down by men and women. Some looked like they were
trying to check me out while others were mean mugging. After about ten
minutes I decided I was going to drive around the block, come back, and if he
wasn’t outside waiting I was going to leave. As I took the truck out of park he
came running out of the building with a big ass smile on his face. He knew he’d
be high soon so that made everything better in his eyes. I was disappointed
because here I was trying to help him and all he wanted to do was get high.
“How can I help you if you just brought what I think you brought?” I asked
as he got inside the truck.
“Man, you don’t understand I have to have this. I’m going to try and let you
help me but I can’t just stop cold turkey. You feel me?”
“Okay, just tell me how to get back to L.A.”
He showed me the way and finally we were back to a familiar city. I found
the closest and nicest hotel because I was starving and I was tired of driving. I
asked Domingo to wait in the car while I went inside to get us a room. I asked
for the best room available and handed the young Latino girl my credit card and
I.D.
“Here you go, suite A is on the 22nd floor.”
I started to walk back to the truck when she asked.
“Do you need any help with your bags, Mr. Rodriguez?”
“No thanks, I got it.”
As I approached the truck I caught Domingo about to put a needle in his arm
so I banged on the truck door and screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
DOING?”
He jumped so hard to the right that he bumped his head on the window and
dropped the needle on the floor. He looked at me all bug eyed.
“Man, you scared the shit outta me. I thought you were the police.”
I almost laughed but instead I said, “Well that’s what you get for not waiting
until we were in the room. Now put that shit away and help me carry some of
this stuff inside.”
As we walked pass the front desk the Latino girl who was smiling at me just
moments before was now looking at me sideways as if she was disgusted I
brought a homeless man inside the hotel. Once we were in the suite I wanted to
order room service right away but I wasn’t eating until Domingo showered.
“Hold up before you get comfortable and do your thing, let’s clean you up.”
He looked a little disappointed and put his stuff down but agreed so I turned
the shower on, and had the soap and shampoo ready for him. I turned around and
he was already naked. Even though he lost all of his muscle mass he still had a
nice slim athletic body. His huge dick on the soft still hung nicely, it took me
back to the first time we met.
“Well, Jamar, we liked the pictures you sent in. If your test shoot is just as
good I’ll have a contract ready for you that I’m sure you’ll be pleased with by
the end of the day. Stick around for a little while and watch some of the other
scenes that are being filmed so you can get a feel for it. I’ll let you know when
we are ready for you,” Mr. Cappello said as he walked around his expensive
looking desk to shake my hand.
I was so nervous but excited at the same time. Two weeks ago I was at home
wishing I could do this and now I was moments away from having sex in front of
an audience. I walked around the warehouse and checked out some of the scenes
being filmed feeling confident I had what it took to be a porn star.
“Follow me.”
Mr. Cappello led the way back down the warehouse. A lesbian scene was
just finishing up on stage 1as we approached stage 2.
“Domingo should be here in minute, he was in the locker taking a shower
and getting ready while we were discussing your future here. I think you'll like
him, he's mixed with black and Spanish. All of the other men here and even those
who didn't make the cut all thought he was attractive when they got tested out by
him.”
I didn't reply, I just smiled and nodded my head because I was too nervous
and anxious. All I could think was dick don't fail me now because I only got one
chance to impress this man. I waited and waited patiently while this dude took
forever. Mr. Cappello on the other hand was impatient.
“DAMN, WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING HIM SO LONG, CAN SOMEONE
PLEASE GO CHECK ON HIM. I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.”
As the sound guy ran to get him, Domingo ran into warehouse.
“I'm sorry, sir, it took me longer to get ready than I expected.”
As soon as I noticed him I thought he was fine, sexy, all that and then some.
He had long cornrows going straight back, a smooth butter pecan complexion,
fat dick sucking lips also known as DSL lips, and muscles for days. I would've
bet money that he worked out six or seven days a week.
“Are you serious? This young buck is supposed to top me?” he asked as he
laughed and shook his head as if he was disappointed and expected someone
else.
“That’s the plan.” Mr. Cappello responded.
There was no script or instructions besides simply make out and have sex so
Mr. Cappello could see how I performed in front of the cameras. It was very
intimidating the first time I had to strip and stand there naked in front of five
other men, including Domingo. I just closed my eyes and kissed him pretending
he was a lover going away who I would never kiss again. Since I was going to be
the top I knew I couldn’t show off how good I was at being a bottom so I figured
I’d at least show them I was orally talented. Everything was going okay until I
sucked and sucked giving him my best and he wasn’t getting fully hard. I had to
wonder if he was just too big, before doubting my skills. I did however get him
back for embarrassing me earlier.
“Are you serious? Does this old head need some Cialis or Viagra?”
Mr. Cappello laughed and told us to switch.
“Oh, you got jokes I see. Well for your information I already filmed two
scenes today so I’m drained and exhausted.”
I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I just smiled and sat back like I was the
man and pointed at my piece which was hard as a rock, letting him know to get
on it. The rest of the scene went great because I fucked him like he stole
something from me and had to pay for it. I might’ve been young but I showed
him and everyone else who was watching that I knew how to lay some pipe. Mr.
Cappello knew I’d make him millions so he wasted no time and convinced me to
sign his contract right away, but it didn’t take much convincing since it was
something I desired and craved, hence my porn name.
“The water should be nice and warm, here’s a towel and washcloth. If you
need anything else just call me.”
“Krave, I’m broke, homeless, and addicted to drugs. I’m not retarded. I know
how to take a shower,” he said in a joking tone.
“I know man I’m just trying to show you I care. I want to do everything I can
for you. Anyway take your time and get yourself fresh and clean, and when you
get out I’ll call room service and order us something good for dinner.”
While he was showering I went through the bags and took out the outfits,
socks, and briefs I brought for Tyree. Since Tyree and Domingo were about the
same size now I knew Domingo needed them more than Tyree did. Speaking of
Tyree, he kept calling my cell phone over and over. I finally picked up because I
had a feeling I knew why he was calling me.
“Hey baby,” I answered as if I was excited to hear from him.
“Jamar, please tell me you have my check card. It’s not in my wallet and I
can’t find it anywhere.”
I knew it. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to sneak it back in his wallet when I
got home liked I planned on doing.
“Why would I have your check card? Maybe you left it at a store or gas
station.”
“Damn, I was gonna be pissed if you took it, but I would’ve been relieved to
know you had it.”
“Nope, I got my own money. Plus, I would never take anything of yours
without asking baby. Do you think someone broke into your locker while you
were filming scenes in Santa Barbara?”
“No, because I don’t leave my wallet in my locker, I leave it locked up in my
truck. I’ll tell you one thing though if I find out who took it I’m gonna fuck them
up.”
“Calm down Tyree. Look, I’m staying over Jazzy’s tonight. I’ll call the bank
for you now and report your card stolen and have them send you a new one.
Tomorrow when I get home I’ll check your account online to see if your card
was used and where.”
I lied because I knew he wasn’t into computers and didn’t know how to look
up his account, and I also knew he would appreciate the fact that I wanted to
help so I loved it.
“Thanks boo, you’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Knowing he was planning on leaving me soon and those were his words, I
suddenly felt less guilty and I wished I had brought more stuff. We said our good
nights, and then I turned my cell phone off. After forty minutes I heard the water
stop so I picked up the clothes I brought for Tyree and walked over to the
bathroom and knocked on the door.
“Domingo, open up, I have some clothes for you.”
He opened up in just a towel and didn’t look half bad. You could still see the
drops of water in his hair and his skin looked nice and smooth. He must’ve been
in there scrubbing away.
“Thanks, but I don’t think your clothes are going to fit me.”
“They won’t, but you can have these outfits I brought for Tyree earlier today.
Their nice and they should fit.”
“You’re still with that fool. You shouldn’t trust him, he’s an opportunist.”
I just smiled and handed him the clothes. As bad as I wanted to know his
business I wasn’t ready to open up about mine. When he came out wearing a
black Atlanta Falcons t-shirt, Tyree’s favorite football team, and some fresh
jeans he looked like a completely different man than the dirty homeless guy I
saw just a couple hours ago. He was shaking more now than before so I figured I
better let him do his thing. I asked him what he wanted to eat but he said,
“Surprise me.”
I was in the mood for some pasta so while he was getting high I looked away
and ordered us both some chicken Alfredo, two Caesar salads, and a bottle of
their most expensive wine. I turned around and for a split second I was terrified
because the way his eyes were rolled up in the back of his head, and the way he
was lying in the chair I thought he was dead. Once I realized he was still
breathing I calmed down and left him alone while I figured out what I was going
to do with him. Almost an hour later, which was ridiculous, our food finally
arrived. I was scared the bellboy was going to see Domingo so I had him roll the
cart of food in just enough for me to hand him a 20 dollar bill and sent him on
his way. After I put everything on the small round table I woke Domingo up to
eat.
“Wake up, our dinner is here and you need to eat something.”
He got up and smiled at me so hard that I knew he was convinced now that I
genuinely cared about his wellbeing. Out of all the people in the World I bet he
never thought I would be the one to come to his rescue, hell I was shocked
myself. I’m not one to have a save a hoe syndrome. I’m usually the one to sit
back and observe, but I guess I’m a sucker for fine men, seeing I saved Tyree’s
ass when he was about to be homeless. This time I wasn’t as sure what to do
though, I was just trying to get through the night and go from there.
During dinner I found out everything about Domingo’s life that he would
share. His parents died in a tragic car accident back in Texas, his hometown.
Since he was sixteen at the time he had to go live with an uncle until he was 18,
that’s when he moved to L.A. with five thousand dollars in hopes to becoming
famous. He claimed no one would take him serious as an actor because he was
“too pretty”, but I’ve filmed scenes with him and watched some of his movies
and he can’t act to save his life. He’s always had a nice body so he started
dancing and stripping at night to make ends meet until a porn scout spotted him
one night and talked a hole in his head. He mentioned how the scout boosted his
ego and told him how rich he’d be and that’s all it took. Porn and partying was
his life up until he found out he was HIV positive, since then his life had gone
downhill.
First he started drinking more to numb the pain which was understandable.
Then, he met his ex who introduced him to all kinds of drugs. He was so
depressed that he wasn’t STD free and that he got fired so that was his escape.
Drugs were the only thing he had to look forward to everyday. As soon as he ran
out of money his ex-boyfriend left him and that’s how he ended up being
homeless and begging for money. He told me depending on how much he made
he would walk and get the drugs if his dealer didn’t bring them to him, and that
food was his second priority so that’s how he lost his muscles.
 We talked and I told him a little bit about what’s been going on with me, but
not too much because I knew he had nothing so I tried to down play my success.
I did get him to promise me he’d go to rehab, so I promised him if he completed
it successfully I’d help him get back on his feet when he got out. We felt like
watching a movie so I ordered Kick Ass, we were laughing and hanging out like
friends but I noticed toward the end of the movie he was antsy. He couldn’t stay
still and was shaking again, so when he got up to do his thing I grabbed my
wallet, keys, and headed back to the mall. I brought some hair clippers, tooth
paste, two tooth brushes, mouthwash, deodorant, a couple more outfits, some
new tennis shoes, and a gym bag all for Domingo.
Tyree didn’t know how much money he had so he wouldn’t miss it. Once I
was back in the truck I cut Tyree’s check card up in little pieces and called the
bank pretending to be Tyree and reported it stolen. Back at the hotel Domingo
was passed out so I put all of his stuff together and then went downstairs to look
up local rehab centers on the courtesy computers. I found a few different ones in
the L.A. area that were free clinics but I figured since it was free he wouldn’t get
the best treatment plus he could only stay there for thirty days. I found one called
2nd Chances that had a sixty day program, and had nice facilities with plenty of
daily activities to keep you busy. I called and arranged to bring Domingo in the
next evening with the hopes that he wouldn’t change his mind. I walked back
upstairs an hour later and he was up and had poured us both a glass of wine. He
smiled as soon as we made eye contact.
“Thanks for all stuff you brought me. Will you have a drink with me?”
“Of course.”
I put my stuff down on the dresser and walked over to him and grabbed my
glass.
“Here’s to new beginnings,” he said excitingly.
“And second chances,” I added.
He smiled and nodded before we touched glasses.
I was exhausted so after I finished my drink I brushed my teeth and he
followed me and did the same. As I was about to walk out he grabbed my arm
and said “Hey.” I turned around to him staring me down like he was undressing
me with his eyes. I didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to be rude so I
turned around to leave so I wouldn’t give him the wrong impression. It was too
late. He grabbed me again and kissed me. At first I was shocked and just stood
there and allowed him to continue doing it, but when I felt his tongue enter my
mouth I softly pushed him away.
 “Hold up, Domingo, I can’t do that.”
“You have to let me repay you.” He reached for my jeans and started to
unbutton them but I stepped back.
“You don’t owe me anything. I didn’t do it for pay back. I just wanted to
help, but if you want to pay me back you’ll go to this rehab facility I found
online tomorrow. It looks nice and all of the reviews left on the website were
good reviews. That’s how you can repay me.”
He looked embarrassed and apologized but agreed to go to rehab. Finally we
laid down for bed and as I laid there and thought what I was going to tell Tyree
about his stolen card, Domingo thought about us.
“Can I ask you a question? I want you to be one hundred with me though if
you answer it.”
“Sure, go ahead and ask me.”
“Did you turn me down because I’m positive?”
Where did that come from? I didn’t expect that question at all.
“No, I turned you down because I’m already in a relationship and when I’m
dating someone I don’t cheat.”
I lied, but it wasn’t because he was positive. I turned him down because I
didn’t know what else he had. All I could picture was him sharing needles and
sleeping with a bunch of random people on the streets for money. Rather it was
true or not those were the images in my head.
“Oh, okay I can respect that.”
I don’t know if I felt bad for lying or if I just felt sorry for him but I turned
over on my side so I could hold him all night and prayed everything worked out
for him.
The next morning I woke up first and took a shower, and then I got dressed.
He looked too comfortable so I let him rest while I ordered us a big breakfast. I
knew he had a long battle ahead and I wondered if he was strong enough to win
and beat his addictions.
After breakfast we were sipping on some coffee and making small talk. I
asked him if he was ready to start his new life.
“I think so; I mean living on the streets is no joke. I never thought that’s
where my life was heading. I pictured myself living in a mansion living the life
of luxury, not begging for people’s loose change and sleeping on whatever hard
ass bench I could find.
“Well, don’t worry we are going to change that starting today.”
“So what kind of job will you have lined up for me when I get out of rehab?”
 “Let me worry about that, but trust me I’ll have something good for you.”
I had no idea what or how I would find him a job but I wanted him to focus
on starting over. Since we had some time before we had to check out I convinced
him to let me cut his hair. I couldn’t allow him to go into rehab looking set up
and I didn’t have enough time to take him somewhere to get it done
professionally.
“Of course I know how to cut hair.”
I lied again. I only cut my own hair a few times and seeing that I was going
to cut it all off so he’d have a low fade I didn’t think it would be too difficult.
After I was finished he kept staring at himself in the mirror. I don’t know if he
was looking to see if I fucked up, or if he was trying to adjust to his new look.
“Wow, this is the first time since I was a kid that I had my hair cut this short.
Ever since I was a teenager I’ve only rocked cornrows.”
“Well, you look damn good and clean. You look a lot younger too, no
bullshit.”
“Oh, shit, you’re right I do. I’ll have to get used to this, but I’m feeling it.
Thanks man.”
“You’re welcome. Here take the clippers with you, maybe you’ll have a fan
in there who’ll want to keep you looking fresh.”
“Shit, I’ll find someone up in that bitch to hook me up. Thanks again.”
I just smiled and got all of my stuff together while he took a quick shower.
After we were ready to go I printed out the directions to the rehab center. During
the ride there I thought he needed another fix so I pulled over in a shopping
center and parked so he could get his last high before checking himself in.
“Why are we stopping?”
“I saw that you were shaking again. Are you getting sick? Don’t you need to
handle your business?”
He laughed out loud before he replied.
“No, I’m shaking because I’m scared and nervous. I don’t know what to
expect, and I’m scared I’ll fail. Plus, I’m scared I’ll let you down, but most
importantly let myself down.”
“OH!”
I felt stupid and embarrassed for assuming I knew the symptoms already,
especially when he never did say what drugs he was hooked on.
“Besides I only got a little bit left and I hid it in my clothes for emergency
purposes only, if they don’t find it.”
I smiled as I shook my head and continued to drive. When we finally arrived,
he seemed excited because he was smiling and cheering himself on.
“Okay, I can do this. It’s only thirty days, and I’ll get a bed and food every
day. It’ll be a walk in the park.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was sixty days, he’d find out in due time.
We were greeted with smiles and handshakes. We were informed that eight
specialists worked there and at least three of them were there at all times.
Domingo filled out some paperwork while I handed the nice white lady my
credit card. Once it was finally time for us to say our goodbyes I didn’t want to
leave him. I was actually worried about him. The doctor could see it written all
over my face.
“Don’t worry; he’s in good hands now.”
I gave him a hug and whispered, “Be strong, I know you can do this.”
He squeezed tighter and said, “See you soon.”
I got out of there and was proud of myself as I finally headed home. All I had
to do now was figure out the lies I was going to tell Tyree about his missing
check card.
 Chapter 33

Paul Huffington
“CUT.”
Two days later I was on the set of Roommates, I had gotten the part after all.
I got the call three hours after Lanell sped off. The casting director was waiting
for me to scream and yell with joy but that didn’t happen. I didn’t even smile
about it until the morning of shooting.
“That was really good Jezebel, fucking fantastic. You timing is so right on,
you got this girl,” my TV boyfriend said as he patted me on the back.
“You keep this up; old Marvin will fuck around and make you a regular.”
I smiled and thanked him. My dream was coming true; I was on a real
Hollywood set, really acting. Not just moaning and fucking. But the moment
wasn’t all that it could be. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had called him
nonstop but he still hadn’t picked up. I just wanted to hear his voice, even if he
were to pick up and tell me to fuck off. I just need to hear something, anything
from him. And after a twelve hour day on the set, I was still calling. I called as I
walked to my car, I called once I was in my car, and I called him all the way
home when he didn’t pick up, I sent him another text. Please Lanell, just pick up
and talk to me, or at least text me back. Just let me explain. If you ever loved
me, give me that chance. I need to talk to you, I need to see you, I need to be
with you, and I need you to forgive me and love me. Don’t you love me still,
don’t you want to give me a chance to at least try and fix things?
I sat in front of Breeze’s place and waited for a response that never came. I
felt numb and vacant inside. I tried to feel the pain that was there when I spoke
to his wife but that was gone, I tried to feel joy from my time on the set and
couldn’t feel that either. I couldn’t feel anything, I was empty. So as I sat there,
in my car, erasing all of the calls and texts to Lanell out of my outgoing call list,
I tried to get used to the feeling, thinking that this was how I was going to feel
for the rest of my life. After a short while, I mustered up the strength to get out
of my car and head inside.
“SURPRISE!”
I looked around the room and saw familiar faces. They were all from work,
some friends and some foes.
“We got her, look at her face,” Breeze said as he headed my way.
“This is to congratulate you on your first year in the business, and for your
first day working on Roommates. How did it go, did you have fun baby?”
He wrapped his arms around me and planted a big kiss on my lips. I looked
around the room, really looking for a way out, but I knew that getting out wasn’t
going to happen.
“It was great, had a blast, thank you,” I said as he handed me a drink. I
looked around and saw Jamar; he was giving me the “Sorry, I didn’t tell you
about this” look. If only he knew how I felt at that moment. If only he know
what had gone down with Lanell in the last few days. Maybe he could have told
Breeze to postpone his little party. Right next to Jamar was DeeDee. My heart
skipped a beat when I thought of the last time I saw her, but she was all smiles,
she didn’t seem mad at all. There were so many people there. It had to be about
fifty to seventy-five, at the very least.
“Hey, Jazz, just wanted to stop by and show some love, Breeze said I should
come.”
It took me a while to realize that it was Ebony that was talking to me. She
looked so different, like money. Guess Mr. Cappello and DeeDee were treating
her right.
“Thanks,” I said as I kept it moving. I gave Jamar the “what the fuck” look
as I headed toward him.
“What in the hell is she doing here?” I asked before noticing Tyree. I still
couldn’t stand the sight of him but offered a hello anyway.
“Nice place you got here Jazzy.”
“It’s not my place, just stopping through.”
My answer to him came out a little colder then I intended it to. I turned my
attention to DeeDee hoping to camouflage the heat in the air.
“Hey girl, I been meaning to call you. I am so sorry---,” she cut me off with
the wave of a hand.
“I ain’t stuntin’ that shit. Plus, I should say sorry too. I should have waited
before running my mouth; I’m trying to get off that judging shit anyway.”
We made small talk before Breeze walked over and joined us. As we stood
there, he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He wanted everyone to know that I
was the new bitch who occupied his heart. It was all for show, he wanted them
and needed them all to know that he had won me after all. I played along and
gave the crowd and Breeze what they wanted to see.
An hour later the party was in full swing. Breeze and I were making our
rounds, the music was pumping out of the speaker, and the food and alcohol
were flowing. Although most smiled in my face, I knew that most of the females
there wanted my spot. They wanted to be Breeze’s number one, thinking that
this was the ultimate prize. Well, maybe for them it was, for me, it was just a
stepping stone.
“OKAY, OKAY, EVERYONE, please simmer down.”
Breeze waited for the room to get a little quieter before speaking. “Now you
all know that Jazzy has been a top biller for Fantasy Pictures for some time now.
She came into this business and stole that top spot from a lot of you who are still
mad about that shit.”
He waited for the room to laugh at his joke before continuing, and they all
did.
“You walked into my place of business and not only took over the world of
porn, but you took over my heart.”
The fake aww’s fell right where they were supposed to.
“You are dancing at the Black Oasis in Vegas every two weeks and from
what I hear, you’re shutting it down. Now you’re taking Hollywood by storm.”
The bit about taking Hollywood over was a bit much but I wanted to see
where he was going with his little speech.
“You are a star Jazzy; you should have the best and buy the best. That means
that you should also drive the best. So if everyone would please follow me.”
They almost killed themselves to get to the front door. I looked on and
laughed to myself as they acted as if they were giving out free money in the front
yard. Once we were standing outside. Breeze pulled a car cover off a new
Maserati. I was impressed. Breeze was really pulling out the big guns. But those
guns still weren’t enough to shoot me down and keep me in L.A. with him.
“Thank you so much Breeze, this is really nice, but you know that my car is
almost brand new right, about a year old?”
He laughed as if I didn’t know what I was talking about.
“This is why I love her, people. She’s really not after my riches. Jazzy,
please. You drive a Lexus. That’s okay for your average Joe, but you’re a star. It
doesn’t suit you, you need luxury.”
 I thanked him and plastered a smile on my face that was so fake that my
cheeks were staring to hurt.
“Damn girl, most people would kill for their man to give them a car like that.
Can you teach me some of your tricks, you must be killing the fuck game to get
a car like this,” Jamar said teasingly.
“It is nice, huh?” I asked as I looked the car over. Everyone had gone back
inside including Breeze. I don’t even think that he noticed that I wasn’t there. If
there was one thing Breeze loved to do, that was entertain. He was in his
element, he was the focus of everyone’s attention, and he was in heaven.
“Hell yeah it is. Are you going to keep it?” DeeDee asked.
“I don’t know yet. I’m thinking no right now, but that may change once I get
in it and drive it, may not be able to turn it down.”
They both laugh and shook their head YES in agreement.
“So how have you been feeling lately? You didn’t look so happy when you
first walked in.”
“Well I don’t like surprises, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this shit
the other night,” I said to Jamar as I gave him a little push.
“He swore me to secrecy. He even threatened me and said that he would kick
my ass if I told you.”
I pretended to beat Jamar up some more as DeeDee stood with her hands on
her hips.
“So you’re really not going to give up the juice?”
I gave her the confused face as she faked an attitude.
“What are you talking about, the show?”
“BITCH, PLEASE,” DeeDee said, with the wave of her hand.
“I’m talking about Lanell, did he hit you up?”
My mouth dropped open. How did she find out about the crap that went
down with him?
“How do you know, did he tell you?” I asked, moving in closer to her. My
heart was racing as the thought of everyone knowing what a big mistake I had
made. Was he going around bashing me all over town?
“I saw him at the warehouse. He stopped there looking for you. He told me
that he saw Tanya at the gas station and she told him what went down. He said
that she told him to look for you at work. Did he stop by?”
It felt like I had stopped breathing. So it was that bitch? She told him about
me moving in with Breeze? I promised myself right then and there to fuck her up
on sight.
 “Jazzy, did you hear me, did he call you?”
“NO, HE FUCKING SHOWED UP HERE,” I yelled with tears in my eyes.
Both of them looked as confused as I did the day Lanell showed up on my
doorstep.
“What? Wait, he came here, to Breeze’s house?”
“How did he know you were here?”
Jamar’s question followed DeeDee’s.
“That fucking bitch must have told him that I was here. Her little clan of
followers must be giving her updates on what’s going on at work.”
I was trying so hard to keep it together. I was feeling so many things at once
but none of them was as prevalent as the hate and anger I was feeling toward
Tanya.
“Oh, my god, Jazzy, what did he say? What did you do when you saw him?”
Jamar asked as he put his arm around me. I wondered if he was trying to stop me
from trembling.
“It was awful. I opened the door and wanted to die, or at least be invisible.
He looked at me with so much disgust, as if he never ever loved me at all. As if
he would never love me again. I broke him, I could tell. He was done with me,
finished as soon as I opened that door.”
I went on and gave them the play by play details.
“So you really think Tanya told him that shit?”
“Who else would tell him? Did he speak to anyone at Fantasy Pictures?”
“I don’t think so. He walked up to me asking if you were at work, I told him
I didn’t know hoping to stall his ass. I told him I was going to go change and
would come back out and let him know if I saw you in the locker room. I called
you over and over but you never picked up.”
“I had my audition that day, my phone was off.”
Now all I wanted to do was go back in time and turn my phone on, even put
it on silence. At least I would have seen the missed calls.
“What happened when you came back out of the locker room, what did you
tell him?”
“I didn’t see him where I had left him standing so I asked Ebony who was
headed my way if she had seen him. She told me that she saw a tall guy with
dreads walking out of the side entrance. I ran and tried to catch him before he
drove off but I was too late.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. If only one thing had changed, everything would
have been different. FUCK! But I didn’t have much more time to talk to my
friends or think about all of the new information DeeDee was giving me. Breeze
came out and told me that I was being rude to my guest. I wanted to ask him if
he thought that the people in his house were really MY guest but said fuck it.
Why not continue to play my part?

*****

By the next week, I was wrapping up my shoot on the Roommates show. I

did end up having a ball. The people were nice and the special treatment I
received while at the studio was crazy. I got anything I wanted, when I wanted it,
all I had to do was ask. We worked long days but it was better than being at
Fantasy Pictures or being at home with Breeze. I spent the week working hard
and turning down advances from the male actors, one D-L female actor, and
even the director, but I turned them all down. They were all kind to me but also
so full of themselves. I watched as they barked orders at their assistants. I saw
them throw hissy-fits when their sodas were too cold or too warm.
It was crazy how they could go from a laughing and joking scene to being
total asshole once “CUT” was yelled. But even in the haze of the tantrums the
over privileged and over paid actors threw, there was one who stood out. He was
British posing as an American. Even I had caught some episodes of the show
and would have never guessed that under his southern drawl lived a deep home
grown British ascent. We spoke between takes and I watched him closely when
we all were just standing around. He was the only one who seemed human, the
only one who seemed to remember that before stardom he lived like everyone
else. He spoke to everyone with respect and I could tell that he demanded the
same.
He was smart, worldly, almost as if he had been everywhere, knew
everything about anything. He was funny, had swagger for days. He was sure of
himself, but not in an asshole kind of way. And on top of all of that…he was
FINE. Tall and ripped, his body looked illegal, not an ounce of fat on him. I
wanted to stare at him for hours. I was so tempted to ask him how someone so
tall and thin could have such a body. He wasn’t too thin, just not overly built.
And it didn’t matter if you were looking at him from the back or front, both sides
had something that made me wet. From his curly blonde hair, his small pink lips,
his strong jaw line, and down to his chest and stomach, his looks were made for
TV. And when he turned around, I just wanted to walk up to him and feel his
back. It looked so strong, well defined, like a man’s back should look.
“So what are you doing after we wrap?” he asked as he leaned into me and
bumped my arm with his. We were taking another five minute break so that the
female stars could have her make-up touched up. All the while, she was yelling
about the make-up artists not doing her job right.
“Nothing much, maybe stop for a drink or two.”
“Who are you going with?” he asked while giving me his full attention.
“With myself, why?”
Boy, did I want him to invite himself.
“You mean to tell me that none if these guys wanted to celebrate with you?
This is your first time doing a show right?”
He was smiling and I was melting. His blue eyes had me stuck, damn he was
fine.
“Sure they did, even a female,” I joke.
He laughed.
“Shane up to her old tricks again, huh?”
I didn’t confirm or deny his question.
“Well that’s bollocks, you can’t party alone.”
“Sure I can,” I said teasingly.
“Don’t be daft. I’m coming with you and that’s it.”
And that was the end of my fight. And although I intended for him to win
that one, I let him think otherwise. Plus, it gave me pleasure to watch him leave
with more pep in his step. He was feeling like he had just done what the other
couldn’t, and that was cute.

*****

I followed Paul Huffington to the ultra-plush, ultra exclusive club Elite. They
only let in the rich or famous. You had to know someone or be someone just to
get in. I imagined that’s how Studio 54 must have been in the seventies. I
followed him into valet parking and got out of my car. He came over to me and
took my hand.
“Ever been here? It's super private and kind of a members only place,” he
said in that sexy accent.
 “Members only, how do you join?” I asked joking and flirting all at once.
“Be good looking, rich, and known. Good thing we both have all three
covered.”
He was a slick dude, seemed as if he always had the right words at the tip of
his tongue.
“Welcome back Mr. Huffington. Jezebel, right? I’m a big fan,” the beefy
security guy said as he moved the ropes and let us through. I was flattered and
embarrassed all at the same time. Did he really have to use my porn name?
“See what I mean, good looking, rich, and known, you’re all of those things
and more.”
It felt good to be with a guy who wasn’t in the business. Sure he was in the
acting game, but he wasn’t fucking on film. We spent most the night laughing,
talking, and drinking. He was everything I would have wanted in a guy, and he
just kept throwing one compliment out after the other. And I was eating that shit
up with a silver spoon.
“Do you know how many times I jerked off to you?” he asked as he leaned
into me. We were both pretty drunk and were so close that if we got any closer, I
would be sitting in his lap.
“No, but I would love to know.”
I could feel his cute little pink lips against my ear. His breath was warm and
his tongue slid against my lobe as he spoke.
“You think I’m joking don’t you, well I’m not. There’s something about you,
the way you move, the way you speak, the way you fuck. You drive me crazy.”
Boy, was it getting hot in there. I picked up my drink and took a big sip.
“Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a hotter Zoe Saldana, just sexier,
thicker, you look more womanly, more dangerous even?”
I laughed.
“Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Bradley Cooper, just younger,
hotter, with a little more edge, and with a better body?”
We both looked at each other and both answered at the same time.
“ALL THE TIME.”
We were laughing and having a good time. He seemed to have found me just
as interesting as I found him. The more we talked, the higher his hand moved up
my thigh. And the more he told me about his jerking off to my movies, the lower
my hand went. Once his was up my skirt and mine was on his rock hard dick, we
were both ready to get things popping.
“Oh, my god, you’re so fucking wet.”
 I looked around curious to see everyone’s reaction to our PDA, but it didn’t
seem like anyone cared. The more he rolled his finger against my clit, the more I
wanted to lose control.
“I wanna fuck you right here on the table, right in front of everyone, can we
do that, can we?”
Was he fucking crazy? The answer was yes and it was turning me on. But I
knew that there was no way I was gonna give everyone in the club a free show. I
wasn’t THAT girl, that porn girl who would jump at that chance and somehow
become infamous. That girls story would live on and be told by many. The story
about the porn star who fucked a TV star at one of the hottest clubs on the Sun
set strip. People would add to the story as the years went on. Some would claim
that they were there to watch me do the whole club, and god only knows what
else they would add to it. I would turn into that woman who is old and dried out,
hanging on to that story as if it would keep me relevant and interesting. I would
be that old hag who would try to still go to the next hot club, maybe getting in,
and woohooing as I scream, “That was me; I fucked Paul Huffington at Elite
night club 25 years ago.”
“Ummm, give me a second, gotta use the girls’ room.”
I needed an out. Things were moving way too fast with him. Did I want to
fuck him, hell yeah? Was I ready to do it, should I do it, hell no? I took one last
look at him before entering the bathroom and BAM; I knew that I was leaning
toward doing it. He was too fine to pass up.
I emptied my bladder and pulled out the wet wipes I always kept in my
purse. I wanted to be fresh down there because I was planning on having his Brit
tongue inside of me for at least ten minutes, just not in the club. Right when I
was about to leave the stall, I heard him walk in.
“Jezebel, where are you?”
He found me without an answer. He walked into the stall carrying two shots
in each hand.
“So what about in here?”
I wanted to turn him down, but as I looked into his blue eyes, I couldn’t do it.
I wanted him and I was going to have him in the bathroom. So nasty I know, but
I had to fuck him right then and there. I took the shots from him and drunk down
three of whatever they were. If I was tipsy before, the shots were on their way to
making me drunk. He sucked on my lips, both of them. He licked my chest; he
touched my body all over. He moved with technique and precession. I could tell
that the groupies that must have frequented his bed taught him well.
 “Wait, my phone… give me a sec, it may be work calling.”
Our hands were touching any and every part we could find. We were wild
animals, rough and attentive all at once. I could barely take my phone out and
read my text but I managed. How can you fix this? I needed you, I loved you, I
was leaving my old life behind and starting a new one because of you, for you. I
love you, always have, but how can you fix THIS? Don’t see that happening to
tell you the truth, don’t see it at all. His text changed everything. Changed my
mood, changed the way my body felt, and changed how I was thinking. The
stranger named Paul no longer mattered. His blue eyes, his pink lips, and his
ripped body disappeared and were now minute details that no longer held its
weight. Lanell's words had penetrated me to the core and sex was the last thing
on my mind after that.
“Stop,” I said as I read the text over again.
“Would you quiet it for a minute?”
Paul was too far gone to hear me. He was burning with lust, my please fell
on deaf ears. He continued to stand behind me and fondle my breast. He sucked
on my neck and pressed his rock hard stick against my ass.
“I said to fucking STOP,” I said, as I turned around and pushed him away. I
shoved him a little harder then I wanted to. I wanted to say sorry but instead I
read the message again.
“Oh, you like it rough, huh?”
This time it was him who pushed me into the stall’s wall, which caused me
phone to fall and break into three pieces.
“I’m gonna fuck you good you dirty little porn star.”
The more I fought him off, the more it turned him on. He was unaware of the
fact that this was not part of my game plan. I really didn’t want him; I really
wanted him off of me.
“No really, I have to go, something just came up,” I said, turning around to
face him. He went in for another kiss but I turned my head.
“Are you serious right now? You mean to tell me that you really have to
go?”
He was blown. How could I get him to this point and want to back out? He
couldn’t understand. He hadn’t had a woman back out on sex ever since he
became famous.
“It’s fucked up, I know, but I really have to go.”
He looked at me and for a second, I thought that he would let me go.
“FUCK THAT SHIT, I’M GETTING SOME ASS.”
 And just like that, he was no longer the guy that I was hanging out with. The
cool guy from the set, the charming Brit from earlier that night was gone. He
held onto me and began to kiss and suck on my neck, his hand were pulling my
thong aside as he roughly ran his hand against my vagina. I tried to kick, I tried
to push but he had me in a stronghold.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” I yelled as he pushed a finger inside of me.
“Oh, god, I’m gonna enjoy fucking you. How do you get your pussy to stay
so tight after fucking all of those blokes all day?”
Now he was just trying to add insult to injury. I guess to him, I was just a
low down dirty porn star that he could violate with no repercussion. I was left
with no choice but to leap into action. I leaned into him and bite the left side of
his face. I didn’t stop until I saw blood.
“AHHHH FUCK, YOU CRAZY BITCH.”
He grabbed his face then looked at his hand. He was in shock at first but then
anger took over. He slapped me so hard that my ears started to ring.
“I’m going to fucking kill you.”
I wasn’t staying around to find out if his threat was only just that, a threat. I
kicked him in the balls and as he leaned over in pain, I picked up all of the parts
to my phone and ran out of the bathroom. Once outside I took off down the
street. I didn’t even remember that the valet had my car. I walked for a few
minutes until I came up to a bar. I walked in, sat on the barstool, and turned on
my phone.
 Chapter 34

“Your little boyfriend is helping Jasmine leave me.”

When I got home I drove around to the back, and was surprised to see Tyree
sitting out by the pool smoking a blunt. I wanted to sneak in the house before he
noticed me, but out of nowhere I heard a car speeding up the driveway. I quickly
turned around because no one could get on our property without a key pass or
the pass code to open up the gate. It only took me a second to realize it was
Breeze’s bright yellow Lamborghini. My first thought was what the fuck does he
want and then I wondered why he showed up unannounced. He got out of his car
and slammed the car door shut before storming over to me.
“Breeze, what are you doing here?”
“WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE JAMAR?”
I never saw him look that intense before.
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her today.” I figured he was talking about
Jazzy.
“DON’T LIE TO ME.”
“Breeze, I have a lot to do today so if you don’t mind…” I paused because I
started to say can you just leave, but I didn’t want to be rude to my boss. “I’ll tell
Jazzy you’re looking for her if I speak to her before you do.”
I thought he would get the hint and get back in his car and go, but now he
looked even more pissed than before, but a second later he switched to being
calm.
“Come on, Jamar, tell your boy where she’s at.”
My boy? We hung out a few times but to me he was just the man who signed
my pay checks.
“LOOK, I honestly don’t know.”
He stood there and stared at me like we were having a “who will blink first”
contest. A minute later I started to laugh but noticed he looked away and he
looked furious.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“You’re helping her leave me after everything my father and I have done for
you. THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?” He screamed as he pushed me out of
the way to step into my garage.
“I brought her all of these fucking dresses, so why are they hanging on a rack
in your garage Jamar?”
I just kept thinking in my head Why me? Why today? This man was having a
mid-life crisis on a day where I just wanted to be alone and get high. He was
giving me a migraine headache and he was a second from getting cussed out. I
silently counted to ten before responding because I needed to calm down.
“Breeze, I have no idea what’s going on between you and Jazzy, or where’s
she’s at right now. The last time I spoke to her she asked me if she could have a
moving company drop off some stuff. She told me to store it for her until further
notice.”
“Oh, that bitch thinks she’s slick. She has no idea who she’s dealing with.
Help me put this stuff in my car.”
“I don’t think it will fit in your car and besides she wanted it here so it’s
staying here, and I don’t think she’d appreciate you calling her a bitch.”
He stepped up to me and got in my face to the point that our noses were
damn near touching.
“How would she know I said it?”
He paused so I assumed he was waiting for my response. I started to say
because I’m going to text her right now but before I could speak he cut me off.
“NOW HELP ME WITH HER STUFF. I’M NOT ASKING YOU EITHER.”
While he was yelling like he was my father I pushed the button on my key
chain so the garage door would close. He noticed the door was shutting and tried
to grab my keys out of my hand.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, AND WHY DO YOU KEEP
YELLING, BREEZE? WE DO HAVE NEIGHBORS YOU KNOW.”
That was rich coming from the man smoking a blunt in plain sight of the
surrounding houses.
“Your little boyfriend is helping Jasmine leave me.”
I thought it was funny how his tone seemed to change once Tyree came
around the garage yelling at him.
“I think that’s something you need to take up with Jasmine.”
“Oh, I am, as soon as I can reach her. She turned her cell phone off, and I
must’ve called at least fifty times already.”
“Well, I don’t know what that has to do with Jamar, and I don’t know if you
noticed but it’s our day off so I think it’s time for you to leave.”
Breeze turned around like he was offended and started walking toward his
car before he stopped and turned back around to face us.
“I almost forgot I’m throwing Jasmine as surprise party next weekend. I
want everybody from the company to come so make sure you’re there, and if
you tell her Jamar I’m going to kick your ass.”
He finally got in his car and drove off.
“What the fuck was that about?” Tyree asked.
I didn’t feel like repeating everything, especially to him.
“I don’t know, but his ass is crazy. I hope Jazzy really does leave him
ASAP,” I replied as I walked away.
“Damn, hold up baby, come here.”
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I could feel his hard
dick rubbing up against my ass.
“Man, get off of me, you’re all wet.”
“So what, don’t you wanna get wet with me?”
“HELL NO, I’m not in the mood Tyree.”
My response came out meaner than I intended it to.
That was the first and last time I ever turned him down when he was in the
mood the entire time we dated. His high, big ego having ass did not appreciate it
either.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF OF ME! LET ME
GO!”
I didn’t realize what he was doing to me until he threw me and I was
submerged in the cold water. I instantly came back up to see him staring down at
me in the pool.
“Tyree, what the fuck is wrong with you? That wasn’t funny.”
“Your attitude stinks and you obviously just finished fucking someone else
so you’re dirty. Clean yourself off. I’ll just get off by myself,” he replied with a
nasty attitude and with that he turned around and walked in the house.
“YOU’RE LUCKY MY CELL PHONE WAS CHARGING IN MY
TRUCK” I yelled before mumbling “asshole”.
As I got out of the pool and looked at the water racing down to the pavement
I found it very interesting that the cheater automatically assumed I was cheating.
I guess it’s true, “the one doing the dirt will be quick to accuse you of being the
dirty one”. I waited ‘til he went to sleep before I went back out to the truck to get
all of my nice things he unknowingly brought me. I put everything away as I
continued to think about what I would tell him. The next day I was cooking
breakfast when he walked in the kitchen trying to be funny.
“Oh, look who’s up and dry.”
I ignored him and flipped over the pancakes.
“So you’re mad at me now? I guess you’re going to ignore me all day.”
“Nope, I’m not mad at all.”
But you’re going to be, I thought.
“Good because we’re filming a scene together today.”
“Oh, yeah that’s right. Breakfast is ready.”
While we ate I told him how there were purchases made with his card.
“Stop playing. How much did they spend?”
“Thousands.”
“FUCK! I’ve been trying to save all of my extra money.”
“Save it for what?”
I was hoping he’d slip up. He looked up like he was stuck for a moment, but
just like the playa he thought he was he played it off.
“For emergencies, or if I decide I want to trade my truck in for something
else.”
“Well whoever took your card must be having a baby.”
He almost choked on his food before asking.
“Why do you say that?”
“All of the money was spent at different baby stores in Santa Barbara. I told
you someone must’ve taken your card at the other studio.”
“That bitch.”
“What bitch?”
He looked stuck on stupid.
“Oh, this pregnant chick I worked with. I didn’t know she was trifling like
that. I’m going to cuss her out and confront her ass the first chance I get.”
Lie after lie after lie. How could someone be so fake and dishonest? I knew
what I did was wrong, but I felt like fuck it if he wanted to play with my life and
my emotions, I’d have some fun playing with his. I just wish I could’ve been on
the call to hear him confront that “pregnant chick”. When he thought I was in the
shower I heard him yelling, cussing, and asking her why she didn’t just ask for
the money. I’m assuming the more she explained she didn’t know what he was
talking about, the angrier he got. When he said, “Just tell me the truth because I
already checked my account and know you did it” I almost lost it. The last thing
I heard was “We’ll talk about this when I see you in two weeks.”

*****

“Hold up baby, slow down. Why didn’t you wait for me?”
Tyree put his arm on my shoulder as we walked in the locker room.
“My bad I didn’t know you wanted to ride into work together.”
“Didn’t you hear me yelling hold up I’m just grabbing my hat?”
“Nope,” I lied.
I heard him but I just shook my head and went out to my truck and left as
fast as I could.
“It’s all good just don’t let it happen again,” he said jokingly as he smacked
my ass.
I don’t know why but it turned me on, and for the first time that day I was
actually in the mood to have sex with him. We put our stuff in our lockers and
then walked over to the wardrobe department to see what they had for us to
wear. I was blown as soon as I stepped foot inside the room because Karma was
in there laughing and joking with Amy. He seemed to pop up wherever we were.
When he heard the door open he turned around and looked up to see who was
coming in.
“What are you looking at, you damn weasel?” I mumbled under my breath.
Tyree heard me and laughed before saying, “I know right”.
“What’s up girl, what do you have for us today?” I asked.
“Hi, Jamar. I’ll have to double check my list because I think I only have
outfits for Karma and Konceited right now.”
I looked at Tyree to see if he was as surprised as I was. Well then again I
wasn’t really surprised; I knew right away it was Breeze’s doing.
“That’s strange, my original list shows you and Tyree are supposed to film
today, but the revised list that I received this morning doesn’t have you listed on
here Jamar. You probably should check in with Breeze.”
“I intend to, thanks Amy.”
“That’s some bullshit. I’m not working with his crazy ass,” Tyree yelled as
he followed me out of the wardrobe department.
I looked back and Amy and Karma’s faces were priceless. Karma looked
disappointed, and she looked embarrassed for him.
We didn’t even bother to knock, we just bum rushed in Breeze’s office. He
looked up with a big smile on his face.
“Good morning Jamar. Something told me you’d be stopping by to see me
today.”
“So what, just because I didn’t know where Jasmine was, and I didn’t let you
take her stuff you’re replacing me with the newbie. What the fuck Breeze?”
“Jamar, now you know we’ve been through this before, this is my business
and I call the shots. I can ensure you this decision had nothing to do with our
meeting yesterday. Karma needs some more exposure, and I’m hoping you’ll
work on the live feed webcams today because the monthly subscribers have
dropped, and we need you to bring in new business. It’s a win-win situation for
Fantasy Pictures all around.”
I could tell by his arrogant smirk that he lied. He was trying to get in my
head and piss me off for standing up to him the day before.
“Well, fuck all that shit I’m not working with Karma. I’ll work with anyone
else but him. As a matter of fact call Blaze he’ll come up here real quick.”
“Tyree, shouldn’t you be downstairs getting dressed? I don’t even know why
you’re in here right now. You’re filming the scene with Karma, or you’re fired,
period, end of story.”
“You can’t fire me I have a contract.”
“A contract you didn’t take the time to read. It clearly stated in small print
that the owners have the right to terminate your contract for any reason, at any
time, and I think a performer refusing to work is a perfect reason to terminate a
contract.”
“Man, this is some BULLSHIT. That nigga tried to kill me, and now you
want me to do a one on one scene with him.”
“Oh, you know what, I did hear something about that but it slipped my mind,
which sucks for you because you’re playing an escort, and Karma’s going to pull
over, pick you up, and drive you to the hotel that we’re filming at today.”
As pissed as I was, I still almost laughed out loud because Breeze had a sick
sense of humor.
“Oh, hell no, you want me to ride with him too.”
“HELL YES. Now go get dressed. Oh, and don’t worry there shouldn’t be
too many red lights on that street.”
“You’re a fucking asshole Breeze.”
“It takes one to know one Tyree,” Breeze said right as I thought it.
 Tyree walked out and slammed his office door so hard I thought the glass
was going to break. A little part of me wanted to tell Breeze thanks for fucking
with Tyree, until I quickly remembered he was messing with me too.
“Breeze I’m going home, if you fire me you fire me. If you don’t, call me
when I’m the star of the movie.”
I turned around to walk out before he called me back.
“Jamar, hold up, I didn’t think you had it in you. Look I really need you to
work on the webcams today. If you do it, I’ll triple your pay.”
Talk about multiple personalities. One moment he’s threatening us, and the
next he’s being nice and telling me he needs me. I never could figure him out. I
sucked it up because I was already there and ready. Plus, I got paid a lot of
money to show off my body, jerk off for people who paid for a one on one
private session, and I got to fuck a cute Dominican boy while five thousand
people logged in to our site to watch.

*****

My week was full so I stayed busy but thankfully it went by fast, because I
was ready to have some fun. Breeze wanted to show off so he was throwing
Jazzy a surprise party, congratulating her on her first year in the business, which
for her was a great and successful year. Breeze not only demanded that everyone
from the company show face, but he arranged for everyone to be picked up. He
didn’t want her to see all of our vehicles parked out front, and he wanted
everyone to drink and have a good time without having to worry about getting
home.
The stretch Hummer limo picked us up at 9:00 PM as scheduled. When we
were informed that a car would pick each of us up I assumed everyone would get
picked up individually. I was surprised to see thirteen other faces staring at me
as I entered the limo. Some people couldn’t wait for the real party to start
because they were dancing in their seats as the music played, and taking shots on
the ride there. When we arrived at Breeze’s mansion we were greeted by guys
and girls all dressed in black and white suits smiling, and handing us tall skinny
glasses of champagne. Inside was decorated really nice; he obviously hired a
party planner because I know he didn’t go out of his way to set everything up.
You could tell he spared no expense. There were banners, ice sculptures, fully
stocked bars with bartenders mixing drinks, tables of snacks, a buffet table with
servers behind each item, and a huge cake that said “Congratulations Jezebel”.
The D.J. was on point playing a hot mix of music. Everyone was dressed to
impressed and smiling as they enjoyed themselves. I noticed a few of the girls
were standing next to the fire place looking up at the painting of Jasmine
laughing, so I told DeeDee to follow me so we could hear.
“I don’t see what the big deal is. She’s not even that pretty,” Vicky Vixen
said right before all of her followers agreed.
“He needs a bad bitch like me, not this typical boring porno hoe.”
She was pretty but she was the complete opposite of Jasmine. She had
shoulder length jet black hair, with a nicely toned tanned body, big fake breast,
and both of her arms were covered with tattoos. She paused to see if the other
girls were going to laugh but when they didn’t she continued with her spill.
“I promise you by this time next year, if not sooner my painting will be
hanging over this fire place, and I’ll be living here.”
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I cleared my throat so Vicky would know
DeeDee and I were behind her listening to every word she was saying. I waited
for here to turn around before I spoke.
“Bitch, you barely got your foot in the door, and you’re acting like you’re the
shit. You can’t even compare yourself to Jezebel.”
“Who the hell are you?” she asked.
“I’m her best friend, bitch.”
“Hold up, Jamar, I got this.” DeeDee said as she stepped in front of me.
She got in Vicky’s face.
“I know, you know who I am hoe, so I’d advise you to shut you’re fucking
mouth.”
“What’s your problem DeeDee? Don’t tell me your friends with that whore
too.”
DeeDee grabbed Vicky by the throat faster than I could blink. Vicky tried to
pull away but DeeDee grabbed her by the hair with her other hand.
“Let me go right now, I’m not playing DeeDee.”
Vicky barely could speak, and all of her friends looked nervous and scared.
“I don’t want to cause a scene, but I don’t have a problem doing so. Here’s
what we’re going to do. I want to hear all of you apologize for talking about
Jasmine, and then I want all of you to enjoy the rest of your night, but if I even
see any of you looking at us or Jasmine sideways all of you are going to get a
beat down. Got it sluts?”
 “SORRY!”
They all said in unison as if they rehearsed it.
We watched as they headed to the bar while one of the girls was trying to fix
Vicky’s hair.
“Did you see how scared they were?”
“Yes, you had them shook.”
“I really wanted to pull her hair out, the whole time I was hoping she would
get smart with me, or refuse to apologize.”
We laughed our asses off as we headed to the dance floor. I was having a
good time and then sometime after ten o’clock all of the lights shut off. A few of
the females screamed which I found to be hilarious only because I was tipsy.
“EVERYONE BE QUIET. I JUST GOT WORD THAT SHE’S ABOUT TO
PULL IN THE DRIVEWAY NOW.”
After standing there in the dark, in silence which felt like forever, Jasmine
finally walked in.
“SURPRISE!”
She was definitely surprised and startled. I should’ve given her a heads up to
expect something but I knew she’d tell Breeze to cancel whatever he had
planned. He would’ve automatically assumed I told her, and I didn’t want to deal
with him. Everyone stood around and watched as Breeze informed her why we
were all there. She finally made eye contact with me so I smiled and motioned
for her to join us. I waited to speak so her and DeeDee could clear the air since
the last time we were all together.
“Hey girl, did we scare you?”
“Did you? I damn near pissed on myself.”
We laughed and I gave her a hug.
“It’s nice to see you again. Your ass has been M.I.A. lately.”
“Don’t take it personally, you know how I do. I’ve been dealing with a lot of
shit, plus I’ve been rehearsing and working on Roommates.”
“Don’t worry, you haven’t missed much.”
“Just the drama you missed earlier,” DeeDee added.
“What happened? What did I miss?”
“Those hoes over there were talking reckless about you, and Vicky Vixen
hasn’t even been here two months and was talking about how you don’t deserve
Breeze, and that she’d be living here soon.”
“OH, REALLY?”
“Yeah, but don’t sweat it.”
 “DeeDee and I checked them bitches.”
“And you know they’re scared of me. I had their scary asses apologizing and
everything.”
We laughed some more.
“Fuck them bitches.” Jazzy said.
“Fuck who?” Breeze asked as he walked up and joined us.
“Nobody,” she replied.
After he kissed and rubbed on her, he told us know he had to steal her away
for a little bit. She changed into a stunning red dress with some sexy ass heels,
before walking around with Breeze to acknowledge her guest. DeeDee and I
were hungry so we got a plate of food and sat down to eat while we watched
everyone dancing and having a good time. The rest of the night I had a blast. I
was able to avoid Ebony and Tyree.
I think all of us were just as surprised as Jasmine was when Breeze surprised
her with a new car. At that moment I thought this is the kind of man I need in my
life, I’m never dating a broke ass loser ever again. Later that evening when
Jasmine, DeeDee, and I had some alone time she filled us in on what happened
with her and Lanell. I think we were shocked that Tanya hadn’t learned her
lesson and told Lanell where Jasmine moved too. She must’ve been bitter and
missed living the life of luxury with Breeze. Even though it was such a good
night and Jasmine’s professional life was better than ever, I knew my friend was
hurting inside.
 Chapter 35

“They wait for you to look away, to fall asleep,

for you to underestimate them before they strike.”
An hour had passed without notice. I must have texted Lanell back ten times
before losing count. I even tried to call but he wouldn’t answer. The bartender
had cut me off, saying that I had reached my limit. “Fuck him” I thought. How
could he tell me what my limit was? I was in pain, I had no limit.
“Please, just one more. I am not driving, I’ll call a cab.”
This was my lowest. Begging the bartender for just one more drink, but it
worked. I swung back my last shot and headed out of the door. I didn’t know
where I was going, or if I should have been walking around in that drunken state,
but I couldn’t just sit there and let my mind run wild with thoughts of him. As I
walked down Hollywood Boulevard, I watched everyone go by. I wondered if
some of them had come out to L.A. with big dreams that never manifested. I
wondered if they were all just as broken as I had become. I wondered if they
were all as lonely as I felt in that moment. After a fan asked to take a picture
with me, I knew what I had to do. I had to call the only person who could make
me smile, the only person who could save me from myself and not judge me.
“Where are you?”
“I’m on Hollywood, right in from of my new poster for WET WALLS. You
know…the more I look at it, the more it looks like someone different. I can’t
even tell that it’s me, Jamar, I can’t see myself in that person at all.”
I had started to cry. I knew why I was crying but in the same instance, I
didn’t. It was as if looking at that poster made me realize that I had lost so much
of myself. Some lost parts were good, others bad. But all in all, I had lost too
much.
“Have you been drinking, you sound drunk?”
 “Yes, I have, and I still need a fucking drink.”
We were both silent for a second before laughing.
“I’m on my way. Is there somewhere you can go to sit down until I get
there?”
I looked around and saw a bus stop. I told him that I would wait for him
there, my hero.

*****

It didn’t take him long to get too me. As he pulled up to the bus stop, I could
see the pity in his eyes, and I hated that it was there.
“Don’t look at me like that Jamar, I can’t take it. I know that I am a mess,
I’m so sorry for dragging you down here.”
He got out of his car and held out his hand to help me to his car. He didn’t
answer me until we were both sitting in the car and buckled up.
“It’s not pity Jazzy, just sadness. I know that you’re in pain, just wish I could
make it go away. And don’t be sorry, I would drive to the moon for a true
friend.”
I said nothing, didn’t have to. I just reached over and held his hand.
“So, where do you want to go?” he asked as he started his car. I thought
about it for a minute and knew that I didn’t want to go home.
“Vegas.”
Jamar looked at me as if I was joking.
“I just can’t be around him right now. Are you coming with me, we can fly
first class,” I asked trying to entice him.
“Fuck it, I’ve been planning to go out there and see you dance anyway. And
when you’re not so drunk, remind me to tell you about that crazy fucker
Breeze.”
And with that, we were off to the airport. I didn’t ask what he had to tell me.
I knew if it had to do with Breeze, it could wait.

*****

Once we landed, I called the Black Oasis and told them that I was in town.
By the time we made it to the hotel, they had the penthouse suite booked and
waiting.
“Damn bitch, you living like Beyoncé. Just put in a call and BAM, shit is
done,” Jamar said as I walked over to the bar and made us a drink.
“Learn how to move your ass like I do and BAM, you’ll have this too,” I said
as I moved my ass in a slow circle. I sat down beside him and handed him his
drink.
“Haven’t had enough yet?” Jamar asked as he held up his drink.
“Shit, I’m just getting started. Now drink up, you have a long night ahead of
you.”
He didn’t ask any questions. He knew that I needed to wild-out, even if only
for one night.
We hit up as many clubs, casinos, and bars as I could find. We stayed at
some for an hour, and others for less than 20 minutes. If they weren’t fun enough
to distract me, I would leave within a drop of a dime. Vegas provided me with
all of the access for destruction I was looking for. I had started to make a name
for myself there and no place had I gone to denied me. I danced on stages, in
cages, and entered any V.I.P area I wanted. Jamar and I had a ball, but by 7 in
the morning, he had had enough.
“Okay, Jazzy, that’s it, let’s go,” he demanded as he grabbed onto my arm. I
was on the dance floor bumping and grinding with some random blonde. I was
pissy drunk and held onto him for support.
“I’m not ready to go yet, just one more hour?” I pleaded like a child at the
park as I pulled away from him.
“Look around Jasmine, there are only about fifty people here, it’s time to
give it up, boo.”
I looked around and he was right, but I didn’t want to stop, or slow down. I
wanted to ignore the pain.
“You go ahead; I’ll meet you in the room.”
He looked at me as if I was crazy.
“I’m not leaving you alone in this condition, now let’s go.”
This time he grabbed my arm with force. I was out of control and he realized
that he had to take on the father role and make me do what he said.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” I yelled. I tried to pull away from him but
he had a firm grip. He turned me around and made me face him. He didn’t look
like the friendly Jamar I knew and loved, no; he was serious and fed up.
“Get a fucking grip, Jazzy. I’m trying to help and love you right now but you
ain’t making this shit easy. You think that you’re the only one with problems,
well you’re not? Now let’s go before I say fuck you and really leave your ass
here like you’re asking me to.”
He started to pull me out of the club and I let him. I’m sure I looked like I
was being dragged out of the club by my angry parent but I didn’t give a damn.
He was right about everything that he had just said. He dragged my ass the
whole way down the Vegas strip. I had to hurry my steps just to keep up with
him. He didn’t let go of my arm until we got to the hotel.
Once in the suite, I sat down on the couch too embarrassed to speak. Jamar
had been a really good friend to me yet here I was dragging him into my bullshit.
He didn’t say much either. I just watched him disappear into the bathroom and
thought about dipping out while I had a chance, just to spare him from anymore
of my crap. Just as I was getting up to leave, he came back out and told me that
he had drawn a bath for me. I walked to the bathroom and took off my clothes as
he stood by. There was no need to even think about being naked in front of him,
because he had seen everything I had to offer. I slipped into the Jacuzzi tub and
tried to relax. I tried to think of anything besides my life at that point but it
wasn’t working. It seemed like the more I sat in that tub, the more I had to deal
with what was lacking in my life. Tears started to fall and I couldn’t stop them.
Jamar climbed into the tub, with his clothes and all, and just let me cry in his
arms. He didn’t try and tell me that things would be okay, nor did he give me
any shit for feeling so down. He just let me cry, and I needed that.

*****

After crying and bathing, Jamar ordered breakfast. We ate in silence as we

both dove deeper into our own thoughts. After we were done, he put me in the
bed and gave me an Ambien pill.
“Sleep well Jazzy, then you’ll wake up, and we’ll figure where to go from
here.”
And as I drifted off into a well needed sleep, I thanked God that he was my
friend.
I don’t know how many hours or days I slept, but when I woke up, the room
was completely dark. I could feel Jamar’s warm body next to me and I nestled
into him. He truly was my knight, the prince that was there to save me. It didn’t
matter that he was gay and unattainable, it just mattered that he cared and loved
me without doubt. He was the brother I always wished I had. So I stayed in bed
for another hour before the hunger pains started to kick in. I wanted to call down
for room service but didn’t want to wake Jamar up. So I slid out of the bed and
tip-toed my way to the living area. I walked over to the bar and looked for the
menu the hotel provided but was stopped in my tracks. Jamar came walking out
of the bathroom and scared the shit out of me.
“Damn Jazzy, you could wake the dead up with that scream.”
He was holding his ears while I held on to my heart.
“What are you; I thought you were…wait.”
If he was out here then who in the hell was in the bedroom? I was confused
and it showed on my face.
“I called him once you fell asleep. You’ve been sleeping for a day and a half;
did you know that, out like a light?”
Who gave a shit about how long I was sleeping, he knew I didn’t? He was
smiling. As if he was waiting for me to freak out and go all Jasmine on him. I
swallowed hard. Could it be; could it be HIM?
“What, I mean, how did you get him to come? Isn’t he still mad, what did
you say to him, what did he say? Wait…is that really him, Lanell?
Jamar took my hand and led me over to the couch. My hands were shaking
and a million thoughts ran through my head.
“After you fell asleep I got your cell phone. I tried calling him from your cell
but he wouldn’t pick up. So I called him from mine. At first he thought
something was wrong, like you died or something----.”
“So that’s how you got him to come out?” I asked impatiently.
“No, are you crazy? Anyway, he wasn’t trying to hear nothing I was saying,
but the more we spoke, the more he listened. I told him the truth he wasn’t trying
to hear from you. I broke everything down and told him how you ended up
living with Breeze. I also told him that shit didn’t seem right when it came to
that fire, but that’s a whole other story.”
“So what did you say to get him to come, you had to have said something
more, something that touched him in some sort of way?”
Jamar looked as if he was holding something back, like he knew I was about
get mad or something.
“Well I kind of told him how you were falling apart. You know, with the
drinking and going crazy in the club. And when I told him about that Huffington
guy well, he kind of went crazy.”
 “You told him about that?”
My eyes were big and my mouth was open. It was as if I was watching a
crazy movie and couldn’t believe what I was hearing and seeing.
“I didn’t tell him his name; I just told him what went down.”
I stayed quiet for a while. If Lanell was there, that had to mean something
right? That had to mean that he still cared.
“How did he look when he came in?” I asked as I reached for Jamar’s drink.
“Calm, nervous, pissed, sad, and all kinds of other shit, he looked like he was
also really worried.”
Jamar said as I took one deep breath after the other. This was going to be the
first time I saw him since Breeze’s house. I wasn’t sure how he was going to
react, what he would say, or what was going to come out of my mouth.
“If there’s one thing that I do know, it’s that he’s still in love with you. He
flew here on the first flight he could find…that’s love.”
There was sadness in Jamar’s voice when he said that. Maybe that Tyree shit
bothered him more then he let on.
“I love him too, even with all of my bad decisions, I love him.”
I got back up and stood at the bedroom door. I put my hand on the doorknob
and turned it slowly; I peeped in and saw him, still there, sleeping. I closed the
door and went back over to Jamar.
“What was that thing that I had to remind you about?”
He made a disgusted face which raised my interest even more.
“Breeze.”
And that’s all he had to say. I sucked my teeth and threw my hands on my
hips.
“What?”
“He came to my house; saw the boxes you left in my garage.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Oh, shit is right,” he said as he fixed himself another drink.
“He came to my house acting all crazy, talking about he was going to hurt
me if I was helping you with some grand scheme to leave him.”
“Oh, my god, what did you do?”
“Nothing, I played it cool. But he did kind of scare me. Not in the “ohhh,
he’s gonna whip my ass” way. But in the “This motherfucker is off his rocker”
way.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, Breeze was really crazy. And what made it worse
is that I didn’t even know about this. Breeze never brought it up.
 “I just wanted to let you know in case you had to think of something to say,
if and when he brings it up.”
“Did he call while I was asleep?” I asked as I looked around the room for my
phone.
“A million times, I turned your phone off after I spoke to Lanell. That shit
was driving me crazy.”
I turned on my phone and it seemed like Breeze called every other minute. I
thought about calling him back just to let him know that I was in Vegas. But
when I looked at the door that led to Lanell, I turned the phone back off and
looked at the clock. It read 8:30. I hung out with Jamar and ordered dinner. I was
hoping that Lanell would wake up and come out but he never did. Guess I was
going to have to go in and face the sleeping lion.

*****

The room was still pitch black. I maneuvered my way around the room until
I felt the bed. When I made it to my side, I just sat there, then after a few minutes
I slipped my hand across the bed, it was empty. I started to panic, where was he?
This would have been so much easier if he was still asleep. The light in the
bathroom came on and I waited. I could hear every move he made, even over my
pounding heartbeat. After he washed his hands, I waited, not breathing and
terrified. When the door opened and he saw me, he just stood there. I couldn’t
tell what he was thinking and that scared me.
“How are you feeling?” he asked as he walked over to the chair by the bed. I
pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my folded arms.
“Better.”
And then the silence came, neither of us finding the words to fix the
situation.
“So,” he said.
“So,” I answered.
“Jamar told me a lot of what happened and I still don’t know what to say,”
he shifted in the chair and ran his hands through his long dreads.
“I know that knowing the truth can’t fix the fact that the truth hurts, but all I
am asking is that you let ME try and fix it.”
I watched as he battled with himself. It’s seemed like the war that was
brewing inside of him was too strong to contain within, it oozed and showed
itself on his face, his body language, his everything. I got off of the bed and
walked over to him. I got down on my knees in front of him and leaned onto his
lap. That night, I pleaded, I explained, I tried my hardest to convince him, and I
told the truth. I did everything that I could to get my point across.

*****

The next morning came too soon. Lanell and I had only slept four hours. We
spoke about any and everything that had to do with us and our relationship. By
the night’s end, I had a complete understanding of his family dynamic and he
understood the many perils of my life, one of the many dangers included Breeze.
“So you told me that you’re moving out within a week or two of getting back
to LA, right?” Lanell asked as I got dressed.
“I’ll be out of there within a week. It’s not like I have much there, most of
what I am keeping is at Jamar’s anyway.”
We seemed like us again. We were smiling, talking, and touching again.
“I am going to put in a call to Gina and ask her if she knows any good real
estate agents. I’m tired of renting,” I told him as he came up behind me. The
sweet smell of his coconut oil filled the air and I was in heaven again.
“You may not have to do that.”
I was hoping that he didn’t take what I just said as me trying to hint at him
moving with me. I knew that we had a lot to work out. Hell, we were just getting
over my bullshit.
“Why do you say that?” I asked as I turned and faced him.
“Do you remember how I used to stay out here after you would leave? Well,
I was really looking for a house.”
Again, my mouth was left open.
“Why are you so surprised? Isn’t that where we were headed, at least that’s
what I thought?”
Oh, shit, I hoped my reaction didn’t deter him.
“No, it’s not that, I just didn’t think that you would want to move so fast.”
He laughed and kissed my cheek.
“I’ve wanted you and only you since the first day I met you. I never thought
that we were moving fast enough. And now that I have you again, I want to go
full speed, well, just as long as we stay on the right path.”
“Honey, this will be my only path from now on, promise, just me and you.”
At breakfast, Lanell told Jamar about the house he was thinking of buying.
We were so excited that he put in the call to his agent and before I headed to the
Black Oasis, we took a drive over.
“Damn, this house is even nice from the outside,” Jamar said as we pulled up
to the gate. And if he liked the outside, we all loved the inside. It was so
extravagant that I was scared to ask the price, but I did.
“Well, it is a buyer’s market so you will be able to get it for a steal. The
owners are asking for four but we may be able to talk them down to 3.5.”
Okay, so both Lanell and his agent were drunk. I looked at Jamar and have
him the “did this bitch just say 3.5 million dollars as if she were saying ten
bucks” look.
“So, do you like it?” Lanell asked.
“I love it but the price is crazy.”
“We’ll take it,” he told this agent, and just like that, we had a house.

*****

I was backstage waiting for Jamar to come back and tell me what he thought
of the show. After a long day of rehearsal, I freaked my performance.
“So, am I thee bitch, or am I thee bitch?” I asked as he came into my
dressing room. He had seemed a little down the whole day and I wanted to make
him smile.
“You are definitely thee bitch. I am so proud of you girl. You rocked that
shit; you have to show me some of your moves.”
Jamar was all smiles but something was off. And no matter how many jokes
I cracked, whatever was off, stayed off.

*****

Gina came by my dressing room and told us about some really big party. The
owner of one of the biggest hotels in Vegas was having a huge bash and she
thought that it would be a good idea if I went. She said that my name was really
starting to circulate and if I wanted to make it big, I had to play with the big
boys, and Anthony Rondell was one of the biggest. So as the boys headed back
to the hotel to change, I got ready at the club, Vegas style. Two hours later, the
limo was pulling up to a palatial estate. The security was tight and everyone
there looked like money.
“Who in the hell lives here?” Jamar asked as we looked around like “New
Money”.
“All I know is that he’s one of the richest black men out here in Vegas. Not
too many black men own big ass hotels and casinos. Oh, my god, is that a
fucking panther?” I asked with my mouth opened.
“No girl, that’s not a panther, that’s two fucking panthers, this dude is
crazy.”
Lanell laughed at Jamar and me. We were acting as if we had never left our
back yards, but a panther, that didn’t seem normal to me.
“I can’t wait to see what he looks like, he must be some kind of crazy to have
panthers in his backyard as if their house cats,” Jamar said as we watched the big
cats.
“I wouldn’t say crazy, just innovative.”
We both turned around to see who was putting their foot right in the middle
of our conversation.
“Well, there’s nothing normal about a man keeping panthers in his backyard,
ain’t normal at all.”
As Jamar spoke, I had a feeling that he was speaking to the “Not normal”
man who owned the house. Everything about him said “Vegas money”. He
reeked of big money, a fast lifestyle, and he smelled like a major player. I
wanted to tell Jamar to shut up, but in a sick way, I wanted to see “Big Money’s”
reactions.
“I don’t think he’s crazy at all. Have you ever taken the time to really watch
a big cat?”
He asked Jamar as he got close to him. Jamar shook his head no. I could tell
that this stranger’s closeness was starting to make him uncomfortable, “Big
Money” never backed away and kept getting closer and closer.
“Turn around and look at them, go ahead, look.”
He waited for Jamar to turn his attention back to the cats before moving
closer and continuing.
“Look at how strong they are, look at the strength that runs throughout their
whole bodies. They don’t have to jump around and scream, “Hey, I’m a bad
mothafucka; I’ll kill your ass.” No, they don’t have to do that. Why? Cause you
already know. They are silent killers, they watch, they listen and they learn.
They move when you move, and stand still when you’re still. They wait for you
to look away, to fall asleep, for you to underestimate them before they strike.
They always take your kindness for weakness, they will bite the hand that feeds
them, and they will claw at their owner’s feet. They are panthers, true to form.”
Lanell and I stood there waiting to see what Jamar would follow that
statement with.
“That’s exactly why people shouldn’t keep them as pets, why keep
something close that can’t be trusted?”
Jamar did have a good point there.
“What makes them any different from anyone else we let into our lives?”
He waited but Jamar had nothing to say.
“I’ll tell you what the difference is; it’s the fact that they will never be
anything else besides what they are. They don’t come into our homes like house
cats; they don’t sleep in our bed, cuddle, make love, and say I love you only to
betray you in the end. No, they come in as killers, deceivers, as themselves.
Now, shame on you if you let yourself forget what they really are.”
Damn, “Big Money” was one sexy man. The way he spoke, the way he
moved, his body, his voice, his everything was on point. He was powerful in his
stance, just like the panthers he spoke of. I stood there wondering if Jamar was
thinking the same thing. And although he turned me on, something about his
energy, the way he spoke, and the look in his eyes told me he was dangerous. He
seemed like he gave a lot of shit and accepted none back. He seemed like he was
speaking of both himself and the panthers. But I guess you had to be a real hard
ass if you’re in his position.
“I get what you’re saying and all but…with people; they can’t rip you to
shreds. At least you have a fighting chance, at least---.”
“People rip each other to shreds all the time. Sure you may have a fighting
chance if it’s a physical attack but nothing can prepare you for a back handed
emotional strike, well unless you learn to see people for what and who they
really are…Like I do with my panthers.”
And there it was, Mr. “Big Money” was the big boy I was supposed to play
with. So as Jamar got himself together and took his foot out of his mouth, I
extended my hand and introduced myself.
“Yes, Jezebel, I was expecting you. I caught your show last month, it was
spectacular. I would love to sit down with you some time; I have an offer I’m
sure will be hard to refuse. Now who are your friends?”
His eyes went from Lanell back to Jamar. Something told me that they were
both playing for the same team.
“This is my fiancé, Lanell.”
“Oh, yes…I know you. Love your work.”
We all knew that he was talking about the porn actor LUST, and not Lanell.
But then again, that’s all he knew of him, his “Work”.
“And this is Jamar. He ---.”
“Yes, yes, I know him as well, big fan. I recognized the three of you right
away. I have always wanted to meet you. I’m Anthony Rondell, owner of The
Brutus Temples, The Brutus Cascades, and The Brutus Gentlemen’s Clubs, have
you all stayed at the hotel yet?”
We all shook our heads no.
“I will have one of my assistants put all three of you down for a free three
nights stay in my best suites. Here’s my card, just call ahead before coming.
Now, would you like to join me for a drink by that bar?” Anthony asked Jamar.
And that was the last time I spoke to either of them that night. I wouldn’t see
Jamar until the next morning, after his walk of shame.

*****

“Look at you, looking like last night’s hooker,” I joked as Jamar came
walking into the suite as if he was floating on air.
“Now, how are you going to explain yourself to your man?” I asked with a
light chuckle.
“My man? Now, how many times did he explain putting his dick into anyone
else to me? NONE!”
I watched as Lanell damn near spit out his orange juice. I guess our smut talk
was almost too much for him to take.
So as we ate our food and laughed at all of the crazy things we saw at the
party the night before, Jamar’s cell phone rang. He excused himself from the
table and took the call.
“You thought he was going to give me the dirt on his night didn’t you?” I
asked Lanell as we waited for Jamar to come back.
“Mannn, I was hoping not. You know I’ll be the first one marching with him
or any other gay person for their rights but, the sex talk…I can go without that,”
Lanell said as we shared a laugh.
“I’ll spare you this time but you’ll have to get used to it, we’re worse than
guys when it comes to that,” I said as I rubbed the back of his neck.
“Hey, Jazzy, can you come here for a minute?” Jamar asked from the
bedroom. Lanell gave me the “What’s up” look but I just shrugged my
shoulders. When I walked into the room Jamar was pacing the floor.
“What’s wrong?” I asked knowing that this wasn’t going to be anything
good.
“Nothing really, Tyree just called,” he answered with a slick smile on his
face. I would have bet a large sum of money that he was feeling the euphoric
haze of revenge, his smile told me so.
“And?” I asked while throwing up my hands on my hips.
“Same old bullshit, just felt good is all.”
And there it was, the haze I just spoke of.
“Do you think that you and I could drive back home? I’m feeling like a road
trip.”
Although I was looking forward to flying back home on the private jet, I
agreed to drive back with him. I was sure that we were going to have fun no
matter what we took, whether it was planes, trains, or automobiles.

*****

“See you soon, baby, I love you,” I told Lanell as he leaned over the rented
car and kissed me. We were going to be together soon and everything was
looking up. I slid on my seatbelt and Jamar stared the car. I took one more look
at my man and couldn’t wait for soon to come.
“So, are you going to give me the dirt on that Anthony guy or what?”
A smile crept across Jamar’s face at the mention of Anthony’s name. I knew
that whatever he was going to tell me was going to be juicy.
“Girl, now you know that I’m not really a bottom, but for Mr. Rondell, I’ll
bottom any day. That man turned me out,” Jamar said as he hit my arm. I sat up
in my seat ready to devour anything he was about to feed me.
“Get the fuck out of here. You mean to tell me that you let HIM bend YOU
over…wow. He must have had that good dick.”
 My eyes were big and I couldn’t wait for the next spoonful.
“Jazzy, I don’t even know how or when it happened but the next thing I
knew; I was head down and ass up.”
I was losing my shit on the passenger side of the car. My sides were hurting
from all of the laughing I was doing.
“Wait, start from the beginning. The last time I say you, you were headed to
the bar.”
I listened to every word Jamar had to say and was blown away. I wished that
I could have been a fly on that wall and watched those two go at it. And after a
few hours of talking and laughing, my long night of making love to Lanell was
starting to catch up with me.
“I’m gonna take a nap, is that okay?” I asked as I yawned.
“Girl, please, I got this, I’ll wake you up if I need you,” Jamar said this so
easy, as if he had nothing to hide, as if we were headed straight home.

*****

“Girl, wake up,” I heard Jamar saying but I was in such a deep sleep, I
thought that it may had been a dream.
“Jasmine, wake up, we don’t have much time.”
I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. It was still day light and bright
outside. I searched through my purse for my sunglasses. Once on, I looked
around.
“Where the fuck are we?”
Nothing looked as it should.
“Santa Barbara.”
That’s all he said, as if those two words were supposed to answer all of the
questions that were brewing in my head.
“What are we doing here?”
I watched as he reached into a bag that was in the backseat. I waited on the
edge of my seat to see what he was going to pull out.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?”
That was the first time I had been so close to a gun. It was as if I could feel
the heaviness of it and I wasn’t even the one holding it.
“Calm down, Jazzy.”
 “CALM DOWN? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?”
My heart started to race. Jamar had gone off the deep end and was pulling
me in with him.
“Look, I’m just going to get a little even, I just want to get in that bitch’s
face and let her know what her and “Her man” took from me. I want to---.”
“Did they take away your sanity?” I asked as my head stared to hurt.
“Where did you get that?” I asked while never taking my eyes off of the gun.
“And who the fuck is she? Wait…Jamar, no, don’t do this, Tyree is not
worth it.”
I was looking at him hoping to see that my words were sinking in, but I had
no such luck. He was cold as a glacier with no sun in sight.
“I’m not gonna kill the bitch, I’m just gonna let her know what’s up with
Tyree. What, do you really think that I would go to jail over that asshole?”
“So just put it away, you can confront her without it, please Jamar, I’m
begging you. Don’t do this!”
Okay, now I had him thinking. I watched him as he looked at the gun, then
back at me, then at the gun, then back at me.
“Nah, nothing says “Bitch, you’re pregnant by MY man” better than a big
ass gun.”
With that, he was out of the car with his black bag in hand. I had a choice to
make and I had to make it fast. Did I let this nut go into this unsuspecting girl’s
house alone, or did I go along and make sure that he didn’t do anything stupid?
“FUCK!” I yelled as I opened the car and jumped out. I walked quickly and
caught up with Jamar, cursing him for getting me into this.
“Why did you park so far if you’re not planning on doing anything crazy?” I
asked Jamar as I halfway ran to keep up with him. He was walking like a man
with a mission and I was having a hard time keeping his pace.
“What if we need to make a quick getaway without being seen?”
I could tell that he was joking when he asked this, but I wasn’t laughing. I
stopped walking and threw my hand on my hip.
“Give me the fucking keys to the car, I’m not doing this,” I demanded.
“Okay, you need to stop; you’re bringing unwanted attention to us. Either
bring your ass on or go to the car, but please, make a fucking decision.”
I was in my right mind and wanted to run to the fucking car. But something
told me that I would be needed, something said just shut up and follow his ass.
Now, I don’t know if it was my good angel talking to me or if it was my bad
angel, but it didn’t matter, I ended up listening to it.
 “Do you even have a plan, how do you know if she’s home or not? She may
have company, hell, Tyree may be there. And how in the hell do you know
where she lives?” I asked as we stood behind the girl’s door.
“I sat in front of her place for almost an hour as you slept, she pulled up by
herself and no one else has come to her house.”
“What about Tyree, what if he shows up?”
“He won’t, he called me when we were eating breakfast. He said that he had
to work at the warehouse today, and then he would be driving to Santa Barbara
this afternoon. He’s not due here until later.”
I stood there holding my head. I was trying my hardest to wrap my head
around everything that was going on, but I couldn’t.
“You sure you want to do this with me?” Jamar asked as he held his fist up.
He was ready to knock on the door but was waiting on my answer. I didn’t give
him one, I just nodded my head. There was no “Ready” when it came to
situations like this.

*****

We sat in that girl’s house after Jamar knocked on the door and told her that
he was a friend of Tyree’s. She hurried and took the chain off the door possibly
thinking that something was wrong with her baby’s father. I watched her wobble
to the couch and sit down before offering Jamar and me a seat. After making
small talk about the drive down, she wanted to get down to business.
“So how do you know Tyree, is he okay?”
I couldn’t sit still. My legs were shaking and it felt like someone had lit a
flame under my ass.
“We are very close, we work together,” Jamar told her, almost with a smirk.
“So, is he okay?” She asked with a hint of panic in her voice.
“Yeah, he’s fine, but I’m not.”
Oh, shit, here we go. I thought to myself. She was looking at him like “who
gives a shit?”
“Who did you say you were again?”
I could tell that she wasn’t feeling as comfortable as she was before.
“I’m his fucking boyfriend.”
Jamar was starting to reach into his bag and I was getting nervous.
 “Here, take a look for yourself. There he is, your baby-daddy, and MY man.
There, how’s it feel, bitch? Does it hurt? ‘Cause you out here playing house with
my GAY lover, my motherfucking man.”
She picked up the stacks of DVD’s Jamar sat in front of her and looked at
each one. When she stared to hold onto her belly, I thought that the shock had
sent her into early labor.
“I need a glass of water,” she said as she got up and headed for her kitchen.
Once she was out of ear shot I turned my attention to Jamar.
“Now what? You know that she’s going to tell Tyree that you were here. She
is going to tell him about the DVD’s too you know?”
I was confused. I couldn’t tell where he wanted to go with what was
happening.
“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT SHE TELLS HIM. I WANT HER TO
TELL HIS LYING ASS THAT I WAS HERE, HELL, I HOPE SHE TELLS
HIM EVERYTHING.”
I sat and waited to see what would happen next. Jamar was staring to lose his
cool and nothing good could come from that.
“So, you mean to tell me that I’m supposed to believe that Tyree is a porn
star, and that you’re his live-in boyfriend?”
Tyree’s baby-mama came out of the kitchen with a new found attitude that
she didn’t have before.
“The truth is looking right at you, honey. You’re gonna have to face the fact
that we have been sharing the same no good, lying man. But at least I’m just
walking away with a lesson; you’re walking away with major baggage,” he said
while pointing at her stomach. She didn’t like that too much. She got in his face
and that’s when the yelling stared. She was yelling about Jamar being crazy and
about him lying. Jamar was yelling because he was hurt, because he was gone
mentally, and because he was on a mission. He wanted to ruin Tyree’s life and
anything he had going with this girl named June.
“BITCH, you better back the fuck up out of my face!”
“Or what?” June challenged.
“Really? I’m here with proof and you’re coming at me like this?”
“And? What the fuck are you going to do about it?”
Jamar was now disgusted.
“You heard what I said, what the fuck are you doing to do about it?”
Jamar reached into his bag and pulled out the gun. He pushed it into her face
and the room went silent.
 “What? Cat got your tongue?”
Jamar had a weird demented look on his face. I had a feeling that he was
enjoying this much more then he should have been.
“Oh, my God, Jamar, that’s enough. Put it away, she’s scared, look at her.”
My whole body was shaking by that point.
“Now, are you going to calm down or am I going to have to help you?”
She didn’t make a sound, and after a long pause and staring contest, Jamar
sat the gun down on her entry table. I moved closer to the front door praying that
this meant we were about to leave.
“I’m just telling you this for your own good. I don’t know what he told you
he did but he’s sucking my dick and getting bent over by me. He not only does
this for work, he also does it for pleasure.”
“For my own good? You think that listening to your lies is doing me good?
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
I had to give it to her. She was really trying to convince herself that Jamar
was lying.
“I’m leaving, but only because I said everything I had to say. I thought that I
was bad, but you’re one sorry bitch.”
I don’t know if Jamar missed it, but I saw fire in her eyes after he said that.
As he gathered the five movies he had brought with him for proof, I saw
something in the corner of my eyes. I looked at Jamar to see if he noticed what I
did but his back was turned.
“JAMAR!” I yelled as June went charging toward him. She had something
long, sharp, and shiny in her hand and she was ready to do damage. I had to
think fast, I had to stop her. As I reached for the gun, I wasn’t thinking about
shooting her. I just wanted to make her back off. I just wanted to put a stop to
her attack on Jamar.
“Oh, my god, what did you do?” Jamar asked as I stood there with the
smoking gun. It was still pointed at the same spot the pregnant woman once
stood in. My mouth was open, and my mind was cloudy. I didn’t know what had
happened or how.
“Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, did I just, wait, is she? She was going
to stab you with the knife, I don’t know, I just reacted.”

*****
 I couldn’t find the words. Everything in my brain was melting into one big
shit pile. I had just picked up a gun and pulled the trigger. I didn’t know if June
was dead or alive but I did know that I went blank. I didn’t come back to myself
until we were on the highway heading home.
“Was she…is she…dead?”
That’s the first thing I had said since pulling the trigger.
“Yeah, she’s dead,” was all that Jamar said. I was only left with one thought
and it echoed in my head over and over again. All I heard was, “You are now a
murderer.”
 Chapter 36

“Damn, I got your whole body shaking. You like it,

huh?”
Besides avoiding Tyree and trying to figure out what I was going to do with
him and our situation everything was good. I was relaxing and watching reruns
of Martin when Jasmine called me out of the blue.
“Hey, lover.”
“Hey what’s up, Jazzy?”
“I need to see you. Can you come pick me up right now?”
“Where are you?”
As she told me where she was, she sounded sad and lost. Not lost as in not
knowing where she was located, but lost in life. I could tell she was wasted and
had one too many, but I asked her if she had been drinking just for confirmation.
Not only did she confirm, but she made it clear that she hadn’t had enough.
There was no way I was going to allow her to drive or walk the streets of L.A.
alone. I told her to have a seat and wait for me to pick her up. Once I turned onto
Hollywood Boulevard, I saw her swaying left to right on the bench, so I knew it
was going to be a long night. I thought I’d make light of the situation, so I
slowly pulled up until I was right in front of her. She didn’t even notice I was
there until I put the window down and started speaking.
“Hey, baby, don’t I know you? Aren’t you that slut in those porno movies?
How much for a date, honey?”
She looked up and I could tell she wasn’t in the mood to joke around.
“Ha ha, very funny; fuck you, Jamar. You’ve sold your loose booty more
times than I ever will.”
“Actually, it’s my dick that I sell; but touché.”
I put my truck in park, got out, and ran around to help her get inside. I made
sure she had all of her belongings and was buckled in. Once I got back in the
truck, I zoned out. I was staring at her, wondering how she could be so sad and
let herself get so drunk. I just hoped she wasn’t heading to the point of no return
like I did when I got that drunk. I was underage and hanging out with some
friends when I was dared to take 20 shots of Hennessey on top of everything else
that I had to drink that night. Of course, I thought I could hang with the big boys
and there was no way I was going to turn down a dare. I never made it to the 20,
though. Once I got to the sixteenth one, I was constantly blacking out and
coming to until I threw up like the exorcist all over the place. It was one of my
most embarrassing moments, so thankfully, I learned that lesson young. I just
hoped and prayed that night with Jasmine would be vomit free, at least until we
got out of my truck. I didn’t mind being the designated driver, but I couldn’t deal
with her throwing up.
“Don’t look at me like that, Jamar; I can’t take it. I know that I am a mess.
I’m so sorry for dragging you down here.”
She caught me staring which took me away from my thoughts. I let her know
I was just concerned and that I didn’t mind helping a friend. She knew I was
sincere so she held my hand.
“So where do you want to go?”
I could tell she was in deep thought because she paused and stared straight
ahead before replying “Vegas”. At first I thought it was the alcohol talking but
once she kept going on and on about it she had me at “we can fly first class”.
She didn’t want to be around Breeze and I would’ve been stuck in the house
with Tyree’s lying ass, so even though it was so random, her plan sounded better
than renting a movie and talking about our issues like I had in mind. I was
impressed with my friend, because even though she was drunk she was a
functional drunk. She called up the airport, booked us two first class flights on
the fastest flight out of L.A.
Then, as soon as we landed she called the Black Oasis and like a super star,
she had them get the penthouse ready for our arrival. I was envious of the power
of the pussy, especially when we walked in and I saw that pent house. Besides
my new home it was better than anywhere else I had ever lived. It was straight
out of an old episode of MTV’s cribs. After I admired where we would be
staying I was shocked that the first thing she did was head to the bar especially
since she had two cocktails on the flight there. She let it be known that she was
just getting started. I figured, fuck it, if you can’t beat ’em, you might as well
join ’em. With that, we touched glasses and I had my first drink of the night.
 After hitting up all of the major clubs and casinos it was the next morning.
I’ll admit that was the best night with just Jasmine alone since I met her, but I
wanted some much needed rest. Jasmine had other plans in mind, she wanted to
keep dancing so she wouldn’t have to stop and think about her problems. I knew
she had a performance coming up and would need some rest if she wanted to put
on a great show. I had to take care of her because she definitely wasn’t taking
care of herself.
“All right girl, it’s late or early depending on how you look at it. Either way
we have to go.”
“I don’t want to leave yet.”
“Do you know what time it is?”
“I don’t care what time it is, as a matter of fact it’s that time for another
drink.”
“No, it’s not. You’re going to fuck around and get alcohol poison. Let’s go,
I’m serious.”
“Okay, fine but one more song. Come on dance with me, Debbie Downer.”
“Fine, one more song, but that’s it. I’ll be over there waiting.”
“Whatever, suit yourself.”
I waited by the exit door while she was dancing with some random female
who seemed to be one of her fans. Once that song was over and the next one
started playing she didn’t miss a beat so I knew I had to step up and be the bad
guy.
“Okay, Jazzy, that’s it, let’s go.”
I grabbed her arm and headed back to the exit door so we could finally leave.
She pleaded for one more hour, one more song, but none of that was happening.
“I’m not leaving you alone in this condition, now let’s go.”
I was pissed. How could she be so inconsiderate? I knew she was drunk but
damn there’s always another night. I grabbed her harder and started walking
faster. I wasn’t in a good mood, or sober either so I was about to drag her all the
way back to her suite if it came to that. She was cussing and yelling for me to let
her go, so even though it was embarrassing me I didn’t care and wasn’t having
it. We finally made it back to Jasmine’s penthouse in one piece and no throw-up,
so I was happy but exhausted. I felt like I had been babysitting and taking care of
a child ever since I picked her up in L.A.
After I helped bath her, I ordered us some breakfast, and then finally put her
to bed. I took a quick shower before I planned on crawling into bed with her and
sleeping like a baby, but suddenly I wasn’t tired anymore. I don’t know if it was
because Jasmine’s cell phone kept going off which irritated the fuck out of me,
or if it was because I finally stopped and thought about my own issues. I checked
her cell phone to see who kept calling and as soon as I saw Breeze’s name
popping up I waited until it stopped ringing and turned her phone off. I sat down
on the couch and tried to watch some television but my mind kept wandering.
I kept trying to figure out how I could fix our problems so we could both be
happy again. I eventually passed out and woke up at eight o’clock that night. The
first thing I did was check on Jasmine and she was peacefully sleeping. While I
was taking another shower I remembered the craziest dream I had about Lanell,
Jasmine, Blaze, Tyree, and myself. I was lost in this dark cave, and the louder I
yelled the deeper I fell into the darkness. I was running around the cave with just
the little bit of light from my cell phone. Each time the light would go out I
would panic because I thought I was going to die down there.
My heart was beating so fast that I could hear it, so I thought it was over and
I just wanted to lie down and give up but something whispered, “Don’t stop
you’re almost there,” which scared the shit out of and lit a fire under my ass. I
turned a corner and found Lanell on the ground asleep and wounded. I was so
relieved to see another face that I jumped down beside him and hugged him so
hard before yelling at him, “GET UP, LANELL. WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY
OUT OF HERE. JASMINE IS IN PAIN, AND WE NEED TO BE THERE FOR
HER WHEN SHE WAKES UP SO YOU CAN SAVE HER.”
As I used all my strength to hold his heavy body up and walk through the
cave, Jasmine ran into us. At first we all screamed. I dropped Lanell and took off
running, but when I heard Jasmine laughing at me and telling me to come back, I
turned around and damn near cried. I thought, great, now everyone who knows
I’m here and lost is lost with me, but Jasmine hugged me and said, “It’s okay,
Jamar, don’t cry. I found a way out of here and I was just coming back to get
you. I can’t believe you found Lanell; I didn’t even know he was here. Thank
you so much, love. Now come on, man up, we still have to find Blaze and Tyree
before we can leave this hell hole.”
Lanell didn’t seem hurt anymore and suddenly perked up as if he was ready
to run a marathon. We found Blaze first who was chilling as if he didn’t have a
care in the world and knew we’d find him. He spoke up as soon as he made eye
contact with me. “What took you so long sexy? I’ve been waiting here for you
for like forever.” I didn’t have an answer for him. I just kept asking about Tyree.
“Oh, it’s not looking too good for your boy. The darkness has seen what Tyree’s
been doing to everyone who cares about him. I don’t think he’s escaping this
one. Come on I’ll show you where he’s at.” Blaze led the way until we reached a
dead end, and there was Tyree looking lonely and pitiful.
The cave had actually started to mold onto Tyree’s body as if they were
becoming one entity. He looked up and started to cry and beg for me to take him
back, “I promise I’ll never do it again. Please get me out of here. I love you and
you’re the only one I want to be with now. If you take me back it’ll let me go.
Please baby, I love you.” It was sad to see even in my dreams the love of my life
was lying to my face. He was only looking out for himself in my dreams just like
he had been doing the entire time we dated. I started to cry and just as I was
about to pull him off the wall Jasmine stopped me and whispered in my ear, “Let
him go Jamar. He’s no good for you, and he’s right where he belongs. The
darkness knows this, that’s why it only wants him. It got what it wants so you’re
free now, we’re all free.”
I let go of Tyree’s arms and hugged my friend, she had my back and was
there for me when I needed her the most. We joined Blaze and Lanell and started
to walk away. Tyree was furious “THAT BITCH IS LYING. GET YOU’RE
PUNK ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW AND GET ME THE HELL OUT OF
HERE. YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ME.” Blaze looked at me
and smiled before asking, “Do you want me to do it, or would you like to do the
honors?” I grabbed the gun out of his hand and replied, “I’ll do it.” I turned
around, took one last look at his sorry ass, and said, “Goodbye Tyree.” I pulled
the trigger and just like that, the wall absorbed him and I woke up.
Normally I don’t act out my dreams or give them that much thought but
suddenly it was clear and I knew what I had to do. I jumped out of the shower,
dried off, got dressed, and ran to get Jasmine’s cell phone. I turned it on, went to
her address book, pushed “L”, and Lanell’s name popped right up. I called him
at least ten times back to back but he wouldn’t pickup. I finally tried calling him
from my own cell phone and he picked up on the first try. He was worried
something bad happened to Jasmine, so after I calmed his nerves, I broke down
everything she had been through.
I was able to convince him to come to Vegas and talk everything over since
they both had some time a part from each other. I just hoped Jasmine wouldn’t
be pissed and mad at me for doing this without asking her first. I felt like it was a
win-win situation, either they would work it out and she’d thank me later or they
would realize it wasn’t meant to be and she’d know at least I tried. After that
part of my plan was in effect I ate dinner, and then got ready to go see Blaze. We
bumped into him at the club the night before and he mentioned that I should
come see him before he leaves Las Vegas. I decided I would take him up on his
offer.
Walking up to Blaze’s room I knew exactly what my intentions were. I was
going to do whatever it took to get his gun. I knew he didn’t go anywhere
without it so he’d definitely be holding. I was a little nervous because I didn’t
know how to come out and ask for it though. He knew I was coming because I
had sent him a text an hour before, so I wasn’t surprised that he answered the
door in just his drawers that had “BOOTY” written on the back of them. His
body from head to toe looked perfect and shiny from the baby oil he obviously
just rubbed all over himself.
“Come on in sexy.”
“What’s up?”
“Nothing much, I’m just relaxing.”
“I see.”
I noticed a blunt burning in the ashtray next to a big pile of marijuana. It was
obvious that he was bagging up individual baggies full of my favorite hobby.
“You know how I do.”
“So what are you doing in Vegas? I was surprised, but excited to see you at
the club last night.”
“I’m a business man so you know I’m all about my money. I had a photo
shoot with Hung magazine, I hosted a party last night at Rage, which was off the
hook, you would’ve loved it, and on top of all that I’m selling product left and
right here.”
“Damn, every day you’re hustling.”
I tried singing the hook to that song but I fucked it up, so we both started
laughing. I had to get him in a good mood before I could make my move. I
picked up the blunt and hit it a couple of times without asking before giving him
a shotgun. While he was feeling it and getting higher I walked behind him and
started massaging his shoulders.
“Damn Jamar that feels so good.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Hell yeah, please don’t stop.”
I started rubbing all down his back and arms mimicking what my massage
therapist does to me.
“I have a big favor to ask you Blaze.”
“Whatever you want I got you.”
“I need that fire.”
 “How much do you need? Do you want a half or an ounce?”
“My bad I should’ve said I need something that fires.”
“SAY WHAT?” he asked as he turned around to face me to see if he heard
me correctly.
“You heard me. It would mean a lot to me if you helped me out. I’ll give it
back to you once we’re both back in L.A.”
“Do you need it for protection? If so, just let me know and I’ll have my boys
handle that.”
“No, I don’t need it for protection. Who would want to hurt me?”
“What do you need it for then?”
“I might want to scare somebody a little bit.”
“I got you. Well what do I get?”
I walked around the chair and slowly positioned myself on his lap. Once I
was comfortable I grabbed his head pulling him forward so I could passionately
kiss him. After a couple of minutes of our tongues playing together I felt his hard
erection so I stopped and finally replied.
“Whatever you want.”
“Damn, you got me hard as shit.”
“I know, I feel it. So, what’s up? Are you going to let me borrow your gun,
or not?”
“As long as you don’t hurt anybody with it, and bring it back to me I don’t
see why not.”
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Okay, done deal. So what’s up? Are we going to fuck or not? Karma will be
back soon so I don’t have a lot of time.”
I stood up to take my clothes off.
“Are you serious? Karma’s here too.”
“Yeah, he damn near begged me to come, and I couldn’t say no to that face.”
I just shook my head as I put him on his knees.

*****

As I was leaving Blaze’s room with what I came for I was waiting for the
elevator. When it was arrived I was surprised to see Karma but not as shocked as
he was to see me.
 “Krave, what are you doing here?”
“IT’S JAMAR, damn how many times do I have to tell you that shit?” I
asked as I walked passed him to get on the elevator.”
“Look, Jamar, I don’t know how things ended up this way, but I really do
like you. What do I have to do for us to start over? Do you think it’s possible for
us to eventually be friends again?”
“HELL NO!”
I started to push the close door button but he stood in the middle of the
elevator door.
“I guess I won’t ever get the chance to tell you what I know about your girl’s
condo burning down then.”
I knew what he was trying to do and it worked because he definitely had my
attention now. He started walking away and when I called out his name he kept
walking.
“Shit,” I mumbled to myself.
I ran out the elevator to catch him before he entered Blaze’s suite. I grabbed
his little ass and pushed him up against the wall.
“What do you know about that fire?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Look, little boy, don’t play with me. If you tell me, we can hang out
sometime,” I lied. I figured I’d play his game, knew he’d fall for it, and lose.
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. Now tell your boy what you know,” I thought I’d try Breeze’s line
on him.
“Can I trust you not to tell anyone I told you?”
All I could think was got him.
“Of course.”
I actually told the truth that time. I figured if he told me I would owe him
that little bit of respect.
“Well, I was going up to Breeze’s office to tell him my check was short
when I heard him talking to someone. I don’t know who he was talking to but I
heard him say, “I’m going out of town so keep your cell on. If I call you from
Jamaica, that’s your okay to burn it down.”
I couldn’t believe what Karma was telling me, I was shocked. Breeze was
crazy, but he wasn’t crazy enough to risk lives by having someone burn down
Jasmine’s condo was he? I was pissed and confused, and took out my frustration
on Karma.
 “Man, why the fuck are you always trying to start something? That sounds
like some made up shit right there. Breeze wouldn’t do that to Jazzy, he’s too
obsessed with her. Don’t ever repeat that again.”
I started heading back to the elevator.
“Jamar, wait I’m not making it up. I SWEAR.”
He grabbed me by my shoulder. I turned around and looked at him like he
was crazy, then down at his hand, and then looked back up at him. He got the
hint and quickly moved his hand.
“Think about it Jamar, Breeze and Jasmine went to Jamaica and the day they
returned, her place almost burned down. She couldn’t live there anymore, and
had to move in with Breeze. There’s no way that’s a coincidence. I tried telling
you before but you wouldn’t speak to me.”
He sounded worried and sincere but I was still hoping he was just trying to
start some drama.
“Bye, drama, I mean Karma.”
“Hold up, let me give you my new cell phone number so we can chill
sometime.”
I laughed him out before I was about to get back on the elevator.
“Why are you laughing? I’m serious.”
“I know that’s the sad part, but… I lied.”
His eyes were filled with hate. I wondered if he was more embarrassed and
mad for being naïve, or because I actually lied to him.
“That’s fucked up.”
He pushed me but it only made me step back a few steps. He tried to push
me again but I grabbed his hands.
“Whoa, young buck, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”
“You’re cold Jamar, you know that?”
“You’re crazy Karma, you know that?”
I pushed him back before finally entering the elevator.
“So why were you in my man’s suite?” he asked.
I smirked and replied. “I was just trying to stay ahead of the game.”
Then, I zipped up my jeans.
“KARMA’S A BITCH JAMAR.”
That was the last thing I heard as the elevator was taking me to the first floor.
I got back to Jazzy’s room just in time to let Lanell inside.
“Thanks for coming. I’m sure she’s going to be surprised, but happy to see
you.”
 “No problem. Where is she?”
“She’s in the bedroom, asleep. Do you want me to wake her up?”
“No, let her sleep. I’m kind of tired after that flight myself, so I’ll go in there
and join her in a minute.”
“NICE!”
I paused.
“I mean that’s cool.”
I got a little too excited thinking my plan had already worked. He laughed
before he spoke again.
“Thanks for calling me, Jamar, I appreciate that. I’m going to unpack my bag
and get some rest in case she wakes up soon. I don’t wanna fall asleep on her
while we’re talking.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
I watched as he approached the door to Jasmine’s bedroom.
“Hold up, Lanell.”
I waited for him to turn around before I finished.
“She really has missed you and I know she loves you. You’re all she ever
talks about.”
Okay, so that last line might’ve been a stretch from the truth but it was for a
good cause.
The next morning I was the only one up and needed some new clothes, and
wanted to get out of the room. As I exited the bathroom Jasmine screamed so
loud that she made me jump.
“Damn, Jazzy, you could wake the dead up with that scream,” I said as I
covered my ears.
I could tell she wasn’t expecting me to be up because she looked confused
and I knew why. I told her all about how, why, and when Lanell arrived. I was
relieved that she wasn’t pissed that I invited him, because that could’ve went
either way depending on her mood. I convinced her not to worry because I could
see in his eyes, and hear in his voice when he talked about her that he was still in
love with her. Instead of going out shopping, I decided to say in and have dinner
with Jasmine so she wouldn’t be alone with her thoughts while Lanell slept.
Before we ate I gave her a heads up that Breeze saw her stuff in my garage
and knew she was planning on moving, so she would be prepared in case he tried
something crazy. She didn’t seem that worried about it because she laughed it
off. After dinner Jazzy decided to face Lanell while I finally went out to get
something else to wear since we were staying longer than I thought we were.
Jasmine and I both were scheduled to work that day, but neither one of us called
to say we weren’t coming. I think as much as we loved our jobs, we were both
getting tired of it.
I figured Tyree’s money hungry ass would fill in for me, especially since he
lost all of that money thanks to me. He assumed the bank would replace it since
it was fraud but since I never really called the bank he’d be waiting a long time
for it. By the time I shopped, gambled a little bit, posed for some pictures, and
talked to some fans I was exhausted and my feet hurt. Since they were still in the
room I slept on the couch again. The following morning Jasmine woke me up
early because we had a busy day. Lanell wanted to show us the house he planned
on buying before they had their fight, and was still considering buying it since
they made up and decided to give their relationship another chance. I thought it
was a bit fast since they had been back together for only a few hours, but who
was I to judge; besides living anywhere away from Breeze was a great place for
Jasmine.
When we pulled up to the house he had in mind I was very impressed. Not
only did it look like a famous person lived there but I had no idea there were
houses like that in Las Vegas. I thought it was all hotels, clubs, restaurants, and
casinos. When I heard the price though I wondered how long it would take for
them to come up with a reason why we had to leave. When Lanell said, “We’ll
take it,” I liked him even more, and was thrilled for Jazzy. Her problems were
solved, so now it was time to solve mine which I knew wouldn’t be as easy.
Lanell and I went to a sports bar for some drinks and an early dinner while
Jasmine was rehearsing for her show that night. He was not only intelligent but
he had a sense of humor. Of course when he talked about the players and games
that were playing on the many different televisions throughout the bar I just
nodded and wondered what songs Jasmine would perform to. After her show,
which was amazing we were all invited to a big party where everybody who was
somebody in Las Vegas would attend. I was excited and couldn’t wait to mingle
with the rich folk.
Gina arranged for a limo to take us there which started the night off right. I
was blown away as we pulled up to the mansion. It looked so expensive that it
made Lanell and Jasmine’s 3.5 million dollar house look like a middle class
home. Inside was just as fabulous. I wanted every painting I walked pass, and all
of the furniture too because the owner had great taste. Out back we noticed two
panthers in a huge cage walking around, and looking at all the people like they
were just waiting for their chance to have a late night snack. Of course, I would
be the one to get caught talking about them by their owner, Anthony Rondell.
Anthony was hosting the lavishing party at his home and as soon as I saw
him I was infatuated with him. He was the finest man I had seen in a while. He
looked to be in his mid-thirties, 6’0, 185lbs, athletically built, chocolate
complexion, brown eyes, and a bald head with nicely trimmed facial hair. He
was definitely my type and from my view he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him
except for the fat budge in his pants. While we discussed his “pets,” I assumed
his wife would join us, but the longer we talked I could see it in his eyes that he
was down. Jasmine helped out with the awkwardness that I got myself into by
introducing all of us.
He knew exactly who we all were and what we were known for, and offered
us to stay in his hotels for free. When he handed me his card, and asked me to
join him for a drink with that sexy smile of his I knew what time it was. Of
course I said yes. I didn’t want to be rude, and I wanted to see what the night had
in store for me. He walked me over to the bar, and had the bartender fix us two
Long Island iced teas. We talked for almost two hours. I learned a lot about how
he got into hotel management to owning the Brutus franchise. He also told me a
little bit about his family, and what he likes to do when he isn’t working. We
were interrupted a few times by people coming up to him to say hi, or to thank
him for inviting them. I felt bad because most of the people were there for him,
but he was giving me most of his attention.
“Sorry about that Jamar.”
“It’s cool, I understand.”
“Good, so where were we?”
“You asked me if I was single.”
“That’s right and you replied it’s complicated. See I was listening.”
He smiled which made me smile and caused my mind to head into the gutter.
If he only knew I was picturing what was under that suit, and what I would do to
him.
“So why is it complicated? Either you’re single, or you’re not.”
“Well, I consider myself single, but technically I’m in a relationship and
living with someone who I’m about to break up with.”
“You’re about to break up with him? Why is that?”
I liked how he threw in “him” letting me know, he knew what was up.
“He’s been cheating, lying, got a chick pregnant, and from what I heard
plans on leaving me soon anyway. You know typical asshole.”
He laughed like I had just told a joke.
 “Why are you laughing? You think that’s funny?”
“No, no, I’m sorry. That’s just a lot to take in, and you’re so nonchalant
about it. The way you said it was cute.”
“Well, I’ve had some time to dwell on it, but anyway I didn’t mean to vent,
so enough about me. What about yourself, are you dating anyone?”
“I wish I could say I’m dating someone, but no I’m single.”
“Why is that? I would think you get hit on all of the time.”
“I do, but mostly by women, which if you haven’t figured out by now isn’t
my cup of tea.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Plus, the guys that I meet are usually only interested in what I can buy
them, or they get tired of me working majority of the time so it never works
out.”
I just looked him up and down and wondered who would be crazy enough to
leave him. The cufflinks on his suit alone looked more expensive than my entire
outfit. After a few moments of silence he spoke again.
“So where are you staying while you’re here in Vegas?”
“Jasmine gets to stay in the penthouse at the Black Oasis, so I’m staying with
her until tomorrow evening.”
“I know you’re not sharing a bed with her and Lanell.”
“No, of course not, before he got here I was going to share her bed; but I
ended up sleeping on the couch.”
“A fine young man like you shouldn’t be sleeping on a couch. You can stay
here tonight if you like.”
“Where would I sleep?”
“You can stay in one of my many guest rooms, or you could just sleep with
me,” he said the words I was waiting to hear. I hoped he’d respect me in the
morning, but I was leaving the following evening so it didn’t matter either way.
“The second option sounds better.”
He threw his drink back, put the glass down on the bar, and then looked at
me like he was ready, so I did the same.
“Okay, come on, let’s go.”
“What about the party, and your guest?”
“What about them?”
“Don’t you have to socialize, and entertain them?”
“Fuck these people. They aren’t my real friends. They only want to brown
nose, and try to get me to either invest in something, or donate to something.
These people are boring as hell. I’d rather be entertaining you, so follow me.”
While we walked to his room he was giving me so many compliments, and
telling me how good I looked. Anthony even went as far as to tell me he
fantasized about me, and got off to my movies. I’ve heard that before but
something about the way he said it wasn’t just flattering; it actually turned me on
even more. He spoke lusting fluently to the point that I was pre-cumming in my
boxer briefs, especially once he started telling me the things he said he was
going to do to me. I was enjoying everything he said as we approached his
bedroom. I wish I could’ve seen my face when we walked into his master
bedroom. I had never seen anything like it. It was definitely over the top. You
would’ve thought an Egyptian Prince slept there. On top of it he had a California
king sized bed which was my first time seeing one so I couldn’t wait to fuck on
it, and sleep on it.
“Do you have some shorts, or something I can wear? I wasn’t expecting to
stay over.”
“Don’t worry about that baby. You don’t need to wear anything.”
He walked over to me and without asking or hesitating, he started undressing
me. I didn’t mind and wasn’t going to stop him, and he knew it because I was
fully hard. Once I was completely nude he picked me up and laid me down on
the bed. He got on top of me and started kissing me as if he had waited a long
time to do so. It felt good and made me throb and jump between my legs. After a
few minutes he stood up to undress himself. His body looked delicious. All of
the cuts and rips got me really excited. I couldn’t wait to slide inside his phat
muscled ass. He walked over to the edge of the bed and stood there.
“Come here,” he demanded
He waited until I was in front of him before putting his hand on my head to
lead me down to where he wanted me. I had no problems taking direction and
knew what to do from there. I started sucking on his nice dick right away. He
went from a nice six inch on the soft to a huge ten inch thick dick in a matter of
seconds, he was definitely a grower. His dick was too big for me to deep throat
all the way, but it didn’t stop me from trying my hardest. He loved my skills
because he kept moaning and saying, “Yes baby” as he softly rubbed the back of
my head. A few times he would stop me and make me look up as he bent down
to kiss me for a few seconds. Once he was orally pleased he switched it up. It
caught me off guard because he picked me up and turned me around so my ass
was on the edge of the bed facing him. At first he just started to rub and massage
my ass cheeks as he stood there and enjoyed the view.
 “Damn, you got a nice ass,” he said before kissing it all over. Once I felt his
tongue go to work I put my head down on the bed, closed my eyes, and let him
do his thing. I was trying to hide my emotions but when he started tongue
fucking me I lost all control, and started moaning out louder than I realized it at
the time. He grabbed my hands and made me spread both cheeks apart as far as I
could so he could get all up in it. In the past when I had my ass ate it sort of
tickled, or really didn’t do anything for me, but the way he did it made me
realize how good it felt.
I didn’t think it could get any better than that, but when he reached forward
and pulled my dick back between my legs and started sucking me from the back
that was the cherry on top. He had a very good technique too. He would suck me
for a little bit, then switch back to licking me, and then back to sucking me. He
had my toes curling from all of the pleasure I was receiving. He stopped and I
was wondering what he was going to do next, so when I heard him opening up
the condom I looked back and saw he was putting it on. I was surprised because
I planned on being the top, but the way he had my ass feeling I didn’t care, he
had me at his demand and could’ve done whatever he wanted at that point.
I was a little nervous to take him, but thankfully Tyree was good for
something and helped prepare me for that moment. It hurt and made me squirm
as he worked it inside, but thankfully he took his time and knew what he was
doing because once it was in I was able to breath and relax. He took his time
moving in and out with slow easy strokes. I just closed my eyes again, and
enjoyed every minute of it. The more I relaxed the deeper he would go until he
was all the way inside of me. When he would just hold it there I would grab onto
the sheets, moan, and try moving forward. He would hold me still and tell me to
“relax”. It actually helped because he kept it deep inside me until I stopped
fighting and my ass got really wet.
“Damn, you just creamed all over my dick.”
He wasn’t lying either, because I could feel the white cream leaking out of
my ass. This dude was trying to turn me out like no other man had done before
and it was working. He not only teased me with his stroke game, but he made me
beg him to go harder and faster. Once I knew I was open and ready, I did just
that. He had me in there bitching out, and doing a mixture of screaming and
moaning like I had done to most of the bottoms I banged out. The thing I liked
the most about him was he wouldn’t just bang me out like Tyree would, he
would go hard and fast for a few minutes, then slow it down and start making
love to me, then out of nowhere he’d just start pounding it again. He kept mixing
it up which made me love it even more. Every time he would take it out, then
slide it all the way in for a second, and then take it right back out, my body
would shake uncontrollably and he noticed.
“Damn, I got your whole body shaking. You like it huh?”
I couldn’t even say yes that’s how zoned out I was. I couldn’t believe he had
me feeling that good without even being high. It was a totally different
experience than I was used to.
“Watch out, let me lay on my back.”
He lay down so he was in the center of the bed spread out.
“Come on, get on top.”
I stood over him until I positioned myself down on his dick. At first he just
let me do my thing, so even though riding was my least favorite position I wasn’t
going to let him know that. I did my best to bounce and ride him as fast as I
could, so I would turn him out the way he was doing me. It was working because
twice he stopped me and told me not to move, and made me lean forward so I
could kiss him. After the second time he took charge and the force from him
fucking me was making my whole body bounce up and down. He was hitting
spots that I didn’t even know existed, so out of nowhere I felt it. At first I
thought I was about to pee on him so I grabbed the head of my rock hard dick
and squeezed tight because I didn’t know what to say or do. I tried to tell him to
stop but he kept going. The pressure and feeling was too intense so I thought
fuck it and let it go. I came so hard, all over his chest and face without him even
touching my dick which I didn’t even know was possible.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I tried to get you to stop.”
I just knew I fucked up the moment and grossed him out, but like a true freak
it didn’t bother him.
“No worries baby. That’s what I wanted to happen.”
He got up and when to the bathroom to wipe himself off before coming back
and fucking me some more in every position he could think of until he got off
twice. It was early into the morning when I finally fell asleep in his arms. When
I woke up later that morning I felt amazing, but different. It was the first time I
felt like I had made love to someone; well actually someone made love to me. It
was the best sexual experience I had ever had, and I loved it even if it was just
for one night and I had to be the bottom. I knew the moment I opened my eyes I
was ready to move on with my life, because I needed to find a man like Anthony
ASAP.
“Good morning Jamar.”
 “Good morning.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I feel great thanks to you.”
“That’s good, so I take it you enjoyed yourself last night.”
“Hell yeah, that was the best night I’ve had in a long time.”
“Same here baby.”
I sat up to look around for a clock. I had no idea what time it was, so when I
realized it was 8:00AM I sort of panicked a little. I suddenly realized I didn’t tell
Jasmine were I was staying, so I wanted to rush back to her room in case she was
worried. I texted her and told her I was on the way back before I got dressed.
“Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat before you leave?”
“Damn, you can cook, too?”
“Believe it or not, I can throw down in the kitchen, but you wore me out last
night, so I’ll have my chef fix you something.”
“That’s okay, I need to get going. Jasmine is probably freaking out
wondering what happened to me. Do you think you can have your driver take me
back to the hotel? I’m assuming you have one.”
“Sure, but I won’t have Terrance drive you. Give me a couple of minutes to
throw something on and I’ll drive you back myself.”
This dude had me hooked. It was a shame he lived in Las Vegas. I waited for
him while he rinsed off real quick and put on some gym clothes.
“Don’t mind the way I look; after I drop you off, I’m going to the gym.”
“You look hot, actually.”
“Thanks, so do you. So, are you ready to go?”
I smiled and followed him out to his silver Maybach, which had custom, red
leather interior. I was even more impressed with his taste and style of living. We
talked about what we each had going on the next couple of days and exchanged
numbers on the ride to the Black Oasis. When he pulled up out front, I was a
little sad and disappointed that our time together was coming to an end, but I
sucked it up and put a smile on my face. I wasn’t expecting a kiss goodbye, but
he reached over and started making out with me. His full lips were wet and felt
really good. I didn’t want to stop, but eventually, he pulled away.
“Okay, baby. You got my number, so hit me up whenever you’re in Vegas,
or whenever you want to come back to visit, on me, of course.”
“Okay, will do.”
I rode the elevator to the penthouse, cheesing because I was happy and felt
good. I had actually blocked out everything that was going on in my personal
life for one night. As I entered the room, Jasmine and Lanell were already up
and just about to have breakfast.
“Look at you, looking like last night’s hooker.”
“Actually, he didn’t have to pay for it this time. I gave it all away.”
Jasmine teased me some more and I made Lanell a little comfortable by
talking about Tyree putting his dick in other people. While we ate breakfast and
talked about last night, Tyree called.
“Excuse me; I’ll be right back.”
I walked into the bedroom before I answered.
“What’s up?”
“What’s up? Are you serious? Where the fuck are you?”
“In Las Vegas.”
“Why are you in Vegas, and why didn’t you tell me you were going?”
“Tyree, I’m grown. I haven’t had to tell anyone where I was going since I
was 16. Were you just calling to see where I was, or did you need something?”
“You could’ve at least texted, or called me to tell me where you were.”
“Well, I didn’t; my bad. So, what’s up?”
“Oh, so that’s how you feel?”
I could tell he was about to have an attitude so I flipped it on him. I had to
watch my tone too because I didn’t want him to expect what was coming.
“Did you miss me? Were you worried about me?”
“Of course you’re all I’ve been thinking about all day.”
I wanted to scream out “LIAR”, but I kept it cool.
“Aww, that’s sweet, but umm, I’ve having breakfast with Jazzy and Lanell,
so I’ll call you later.”
“Okay, but unlike you, I was actually calling to tell you I’m driving up to
Santa Barbara tonight after work. I’ll be there for a few days, maybe even a
week depending on my schedule.”
“Okay, well, have fun. See ya when I see ya.”
I hung up before he had a chance to say anything else. I finally knew how I
wanted to handle everything. I was going to scare the shit out of his baby mama,
and tell her Tyree’s lies. Since he broke my heart, I wanted to destroy his. I
asked Jasmine to come into the bedroom.
“What’s wrong?”
She had a look of concern on her face.
“Nothing really, Tyree just called.”
I couldn’t tell her what I was thinking just yet, but I couldn’t hide my
excitement either. My smile gave that away. I asked Jasmine if she’d drive home
with me, and once she agreed I was ready. Jasmine called down to the front desk
and asked if they could have a rental car waiting for her at noon. It didn’t take
me long to pack up my stuff, so while she packed up her belongings I ran out to
buy some of the movies that Tyree and I starred in together.
 Chapter 37

“Here’s to revenge, and people getting exactly what

they deserve.”
“Oh, my God, what am I going to do? My life is over, I’m gonna spend the
rest of it in jail, FUCK!”
Jamar had been trying to calm me down for the last minutes without success.
My whole life had flashed before and the rest of it didn’t look so promising. I
looked at my hands as if I could see June’s blood on them and started to scream
and cry all over again.
“Calm down Jazzy. You freaking out isn’t helping things; we have to get
our story straight.”
Story straight? What in the hell did I get myself into? I never thought that I
would be on the other side of those words. I felt like I was about to be on an
episode of the First 48. I could picture myself in one of those little rooms. The
rooms I liked to call the sweat box and the detective standing over me,
questioning me over and over again. I could just hear him or her now.
“So, you’re telling me that you didn’t know that he was going there to kill
her?” And I would answer, “That’s right, I had no idea.” Not believing me, the
questioning would go on. “Did you know he had a gun before you went into
June’s apartment?” that’s when my legs would start to shake. “Yes, I knew, but
he was just using it to scare her, he was just using it as leverage.” This is when
the cop would laugh at my childish answer. “So you mean to tell me that he
needed a gun with a pregnant woman as leverage? Now we both know that that
is bullshit. Now tell us what happened or you’ll take the fall for this. We already
have you prints on the gun; we just want to know why you were there. We want a
play by play. Tell. Jamar already told us that you were the shooter. We know
that you are the killer in the situation. But tell us, why, how, and tell us about
Jamar.”
 Now there may have been a chance that Jamar never said anything. There
may be a chance that they are just saying this, hoping that it will get me to start
talking, but how would I know this? How would I know that Jamar wasn’t
singing like a bird, just to save his ass? I looked over at him and wondered how
deep our friendship went. I hadn’t known him that long, it had been less than a
year, and I didn’t know how he would react once he was in that sweat box.
“Look Jamar, I know that things have gone too far to turn back now, but we
can never tell anyone what we did today. I don’t care if they have you in a small
room and they are telling you that I told them everything, from start to finish,
you have to trust in me and know that they are lying. Deny, deny, deny Jamar,
don’t say shit.”
My tone had changed. The once panicked shriek that lurked in my voice was
almost a distant memory. The more I thought about things, the more I realized
that we were living on a limited amount of freedom, that is, if we didn’t get
things straighten things out.
“Who in the hell is “They”, and why would they have me in a little room?
You don’t think that the cops are going to know that we did this, do you? Damn
Jazzy, why did you have to shoot her, why did you have to kill her?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he really asking me why?”
“’Cause she was about to stab your ass, that’s why. Should I have just let the
knife swing down into your back, should I have let you die?”
I could tell that he was really thinking about my words.
“I was the one who told you know to go in there, let alone to go in there with
that fucking gun. You are the one who dragged me into your bullshit. You ---.”
“Don’t blame me. I gave you a choice. You could have stayed in the car,” he
said, interrupting me.
“Oh, hell no, you should be thanking God that I made such a bad choice. If it
weren’t for me, you may be dead right now. How fucking dare you act as if this
is my fault? I thought that we were going home. I didn’t drive us to Santa
Barbara to face off with some bitch my man’s fucking. No, that’s you. You’re
the one who gives a shit about Tyree’ cheating ass. You’re the one who cared
enough for him that you risked not only your freedom, but mine by going into
that girl’s house. You wanted revenge, but in the end, if we get locked up, who
really won here? Tyree will be free to do as he pleases. Free to fuck and cheat on
whomever he wants. So tell me, what the fuck have you accomplished by pulling
your little stunt today besides fucking both of our lives up?”
I knew that my words must have hurt him but I needed things to be crystal
clear. We both needed to be on the same page, after I set him straight. There was
no way that I was going to take the blame for this alone. I would have never
been in that situation if it weren’t for him, and he needed to know that and
appreciate what I did for him, I saved his life.
“You’re so right, Jasmine, I’m so sorry. You freaked me out when you
started talking about the cops. I owe you my life right now, I’m so sorry.”
He took my hand and held it tight. I wasn’t mad anymore, I could
understand. Shit, I was just as scared as he was, but now, we needed to think.
“Okay, Jamar, this is how it’s gonna go, you’re gonna have to die with this
shit. I don’t give a damn if god himself comes to you and asks you what
happened the day we went to June’s house. The only thing you should ever
answer is “Who is June?” Now as far as the cops, I don’t give a damn if they
play a tape and they tell you that it’s me confessing. I don’t give a shit if they
bring me in there and have me tell you that I have confessed, don’t believe that
shit. Don’t believe your ears, your eyes, or anything they may try and pull, 'cause
I will never tell, not even on my deathbed. Do you understand me?”
We spent the rest of our ride home getting our stories straight. We were
together that whole day. We drove straight home after leaving Vegas, then
chilled at Breeze’s house since he was out of town. That was the story I was
going to tell and that was the story I was praying he would stick to.

*****

We were five minutes away from Breeze’s house when Jamar said that the
car was running on empty. He pulled into the Texaco Gas station and asked if I
could pump the gas. I took the money from him and stepped out of the car,
heading inside to pay. Once there, I made two coffees, knowing that we would
need them and made my way to the line. I stood there, lost in my thoughts, never
seeing Tanya walk in. It wasn’t until I heard her voice in my ear that I knew that
she had been standing behind me.
“I knew that I would see your bitch-ass around town. Now we can finish
what you started.”
She said this as if she was really going do something to hurt me. Once I
heard her words, it’s as if something in me clicked. Something in me was set
free, forcing me to unleash the violent rage that brewed inside of me. As she
talked shit, I let the heat from the coffee fuel my fury. I felt the heat and knew
that it was hot enough to hurt, but not hot enough to scar her. I sat one of the
coffees down on the counter and took the lid off of the other without arousing
suspicion from her or anyone else. As soon as the lid was off, I turned around
and splashed the hot coffee in her face. As her mouth hung open and her hands
flew to her face, I attacked. I punched, scratched and tried to pull out every piece
of hair on her head. She had caught me on the wrong day. She was paying for
the check her ass could never cash, and I was doing my best to make sure that I
got paid every single red cent I had coming to me.
“Jazzy, stop, come on, let’s get out of here!” I heard Jamar say as he pulled
me away from Tanya. I pulled away from him and made my way to the shocked
cashier.
“Sixty on 3, and two coffees,” I said as if I didn’t just have my foot in
Tanya’s ass. He took the money and gave Jamar the receipt after ringing us up. I
went and refilled our cups as Jamar went to pump the gas. As I left the gas
station, I looked back at Tanya and she just stood there, holding her lip, giving
me the finger. I laughed all the way to the car. That bitch would be the same ‘til
the day she died. But I had to give it to her, she sure did know how to take an ass
whipping and keep on ticking.

*****

“How long will Breeze be in New York?” Jamar asked as he brought our bag
in from the car. I looked around to make sure that he had really left. Knowing
Breeze, he may have stayed just because he hadn’t spoken to me. Once I saw the
note on the bar, I know that there was a big chance that he was gone, and I was
thankful for that.
Dear Jazz, I’m really getting tired of your bullshit. How many fucking times
do I have to tell you that you just can’t get up and disappear? This is not about
me controlling you; this is about you not having the consideration to at least let
me know that you are safe. If I didn’t have to go to New York, I would have
flown down to Vegas and checked your ass myself, of course I knew that you
were going there, I have my ways. Now let this be the last goddamn time that we
have to have this conversation. I love you and have been missing you. See you
when I get back. Call me as soon as you come home please.
 I started to laugh as soon as I was done reading the note. I handed it to Jamar
and shook my head.
“I love how he tells me that he loves and misses me after being a total cunt.”
“Are you gonna call him?” Jamar asked as he joined in on the laughter.
“Yeah, I’m about call him now, just in case I need him to bail our asses out
of jail.” I said only half way joking. I could tell that Jamar didn’t find my little
joke funny so I turned on my phone and dialed Breeze. The conversation was
short and not so sweet.
“I just got here, what’s up?” I asked.
“Let this be the last fucking time I have to go looking for you.”
“All right, it won’t happen again,” I answered. It wasn’t like I was lying.
Soon, I would be gone and he would have some new bitch to run around looking
for. I would be old news to him soon enough.
“Get some rest; I’ll see you in two days. Put that pussy on ice until I get
there. I’m really fucking horny and I’m gonna be needing some of that good
pussy when I get home.” And with that he hung up. I looked at the phone and
asked myself who the hell I was just talking to. I knew that it was Breeze, but he
wasn’t being himself. He never spoke to me like that, guess he was trying to
sound harder then he really was, must have had people around.
“Well, we have two whole days to ourselves. Will you be going home or will
you be keeping me company?”
I really didn’t want to be alone. I was still freaking out on the inside and
wanted someone with me.
“I’ll be here for now. Gotta figure shit out, gotta get my nerves together
enough to face him. I know he’s gonna find out today so he’ll he in a fucked up
mood. I gotta prepare myself for whatever happens.”
Just as Jamar said this, his cell phone started to ring. And as he mouthed to
me that it was Tyree, I sat back and waited for him to tell me what was said.

*****

NOW

“I was asleep when you rung the doorbell. I cursed you for waking me up
even when I didn’t know that it was you. I was deep in a much needed rest and
BOOM, you had to show up. As soon as I saw you, panic hit me like a ton of
brick. I got a splitting headache as soon as I opened the door. Why the in God’s
name were you standing on my door step? I asked myself. Jamar told me that
you were going to Santa Barbara to see…to see your…to see her.” I watch as
Tyree shifts in his seat. I’ve lost track of time. My hands are numb from the rope
Tyree has tied tightly around them and I need to go and pee so fucking badly.
All I have been able to do is talk about the year that has just past, and think
about what has gotten me here.
When he walked in and asked me for Jamar, I tried to speak loud enough to
wake him before Tyree and I made it to the living room, but that didn’t work.
“So what have you two been doing all day?” Tyree asked with a friendly
smile. He had even complimented me and told me how cute I was even though I
had just woken up.
“Just laying low; it’s kind of a long ride from Vegas and we were tired.” I
answered as I headed to the bar.
“Can I get you a drink?” I watched him as I waited for his answer. I was
looking for anything out of place, but so far, he was cool.
“Sure, make it a double; a nigga is kind of parched.”
Okay, now he was starting to joke around, I told myself. Maybe he hadn’t
gone to see June like he had planned.
“Wake up baby, I missed you.” I watched as he leaned over Jamar and gave
him a sweet little kiss on his forehead as he woke him up. My mind and heart
were at odds. My mind kept telling me that Tyree was a sneaky little fucker that
shouldn’t be trusted. My heart kept telling me to look at how sweet he was being
with Jamar. I watched as he gave him a long wet kiss once Jamar was up. I
prayed that he couldn’t read the shock that was written all over Jamar’s face.
“What…what are you doing here?” Jamar asked as he caught his breath.
“I wanted to surprise you. Why, aren’t you happy to see me?”
Something about the way he asked that question didn’t sit right with me. I
started to look around the bar for something, anything to protect myself with if it
came to that, but nothing was good enough to take him down with, if need be.
“How about that drink, Jazzy?”
I jumped at the sound of my name. I was so busy looking for a weapon that I
had forgotten about his drink. As I looked under the sink of the bar for a fresh
bottle of Vodka, I saw it. And right then and there, I knew that I was going to
use that little bottle Breeze used on people to control them. I might have been
disgusted with Breeze at first, but there are times like these, where something so
bad can come in very handy.
“Vodka okay?”
“Fine,” he answered from the living room.
I had to think and act quickly. I poured the drinks, added a little cranberry
juice and last but not least, added my poison of choice.
“So what are you all talking about?” I asked as I walked over to Jamar. As I
handed him his drink, I gave Tyree my back. I looked Jamar dead in the eyes
then moved my own down to the drink. I could tell by Jamar’s face that he knew
what I was trying to tell him.
“Just shooting the shit, wondering why he’s not so happy to see me.”
“Boy, please, you’re trippin', you know I’m always happy to see you,” Jamar
said, as he nervously sipped his drink.
“Are you now? Cause you’ve been really distant lately. I thought that it may
have something to do with June.”
If I wasn’t such a good actress, I would have started hyperventilating right
then and there. Jamar and I stood up, but before we could move, Tyree stood up,
punched Jamar dead in the face, and pulled out a gun.
“SIT THE FUCK BACK DOWN!” Tyree yelled as I tried to go over to
Jamar to help him. I did as I was told.
“Get the fuck up, nigga; I didn’t hit you that hard.” Tyree’s voice leaked
venom, the same venom that was shooting from Jamar’s eyes.
“What in the hell is wrong with you Tyree, and who the fuck is June?”
Good, Jamar was remembering what I taught him in the car about denying
everything.
“You really don’t want to play them games with me right now. Trust me
when I tell you this. It will be for your own good.”
There was no going back from there.

*****

“So, you mean to tell me that you all didn’t plan to kill my child and his
mother? What, it just kind of happened? MAN STOP FUCKING PLAYING
GAMES WITH ME!”
That was maybe the tenth punch I had received from Tyree. And with every
one that lands on my face, I think that I am getting closer and closer to death.
Plus, he still hasn’t taken a sip of his fucking drink.
“Tyree, I’m telling you the truth, I didn’t mean to shot her, she was going to
kill Jamar, I swear.”
Tyree just sat back down and laughed. He picks up his drink for the second
time and holds it close to his lips. This time, I pray he quenches his thirst.
“So what am I supposed to do now? What do you expect me to do? Put
yourself in my shoes. Everything that you love is dead and gone, and they were
killed by your lovers and his sister. So, tell me. Would you let yourselves live?”
“Everything you loved? I guess I wasn’t one of them huh, cheating asshole?”
I don’t know how Jamar has the strength to still be talking so much shit, but I
guess the pain Tyree was inflicting on us with his fist couldn’t compare to the
pain he was feeling on the inside.
“What do you mean his sister? We’re close but we’re not related.”
Damn, I shouldn’t have said anything. Now he’s putting the glass down
again and walking toward us. I know it’s fucked up, but I sure do hope that he’s
going over to Jamar. Both my eyes are already swelling and I can taste the blood
that is running from my nose and mouth. At least these prayers are answered. I
can’t see Jamar but I can hear Tyree’s fist hitting against his face. I can hear the
groans escaping Jamar’s lips, and I can hear the evil laughter spilling out of
Tyree’s soul.
“Keep talking to me like that, you’re only making this easier. Now as for you
Jazzy, I thought I told you not to question me?”
Tyree is now standing over me with a fist full of my hair. He wraps it around
his hand twice and yanks my head back so that I am looking up at him.
“You heard me right, what, Breeze didn’t tell you? You two are brother and
sister. You two share the same father. A Mr. Rodriguez, right?”
My head starts spinning, and it’s not just from the blows Tyree landed on my
face and body, I was also off quilter from his news.
“Bullshit,” I say through blood and tears. My answer is met with a slap
across the face, and a breath taking blow to the chest. He takes his seat and tells
us the mind-blowing story of our connection.
“Breeze was going through some files at his office after the AIDS scare
when he came across the both of yours. The first thing that grabbed him was the
matching last names. But as the weeks went on, he dug a little deeper. That’s
when he tracked down your drunk ass mother,” he says as he points at me.
“Then he got me to give him your father’s number. After speaking to the
both of them, he realized that you two are more than just friends, you two are
blood. And to think, Breeze was going to have Mr. Rodriguez come out here
next week. It’s a shame you two won’t live to see him again.”
Now, I am starting to feel sick to my stomach. I have yearned for my father
since the day we left Puerto Rico. I have missed him with every breath that I
have taken. And here I am, finding out that I was going to see him in about a
week, and that I have a brother.
“Jamar, are you okay? Did you hear what he just said, do you believe him?”
I wiggle my halfway blue fingers around and try to find his hand. Once I find
them, I squeeze it, trying to gain some sort of comfort from Jamar’s touch. He
holds my hand but never answers.
“So, I want to make a toast,” Tyree says as he picks up the tainted
concoction that is now merged with more melted ice than anything else.
“Here’s to revenge, and people getting exactly what they deserve.”
A smile creeps across my swollen face, I try to suppress it but the thought of
him drinking down the date-rape drug makes me happy. And just when I think
that I’m getting away with my premature celebration, it happens. He looks over
at me and thinks he knows what is going on.
“Ahhhh, you almost got me, you sneaky little bitch.”
His words are just as harsh as the blow to my stomach.
“How about you have my drink, and I’ll have yours?”
He may have made it seem like he is asking, but I know that he is telling me
that I am about to have his drink.
“I’m not thirsty.”
“Who gives a shit? I don’t. Now, I’m gonna put the glass up to your lips and
I want you to swallow every fucking drop, understood?”
“It’s not like I have a choice now do I?”
I would have preferred for this to go down the way I planned it, but being
prepared for the unexpected came in handy. Now all I need him to do is drink
from the glass that sat in front of me.
“Can I make a toast?” I ask as he stood in front of me. But before I could go
on to hear his answer, my phone rings. I look at it with a burning desire to pick it
up. I knew the ring, it was Lanell’s ringtone. Tyree doesn’t miss a beat.
“Let me guess, it’s Lust right? Damn I’m good,” he says as he picks up my
phone.
“Don’t you wish that you could just talk to him one last time? Tell me, what
would be your last words to him. Would you just tell the nigga that you love
him, or would you come better than that?”
 I don’t answer. He just wants to torture me in more ways than one. I’m not
giving him the satisfaction.
“If you’re going to kill me, just do it already,” I say trying to sound tough.
“Aww look, he’s calling again. Too bad, huh?” Tyree asks as he pushes the
end button.
“Maybe if I keep sending him to voicemail, he’ll think that you’re up in here
being the slut that you are. Maybe he’ll think you’re fucking Breeze.” If I could
turn into the hulk and brake through the ropes that tied me down, I would. I
would have killed Tyree with my bare hands and called Lanell back. He doesn’t
miss the fire that is shooting from my eyes.
“Good, he left a message, wanna listen?” I looked away from him as the
reality that I may not get to see Lanell again starts to set in.
“No, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Too fucking bad,” Tyree says as he calls my voicemail and asks for my
password.
“Bitch, don’t make me ask again.” I still don’t give it to him.
He reaches me before I can even blink. He hits me, over and over again. He
is so heavy handed that if I couldn’t see him, I would have thought that I was
being hit with an object.
“3-3-6-6” I say as I feel my lip explode and start to drip blood. I cry and
plead as the pain becomes unbearable.
“Please, Tyree, if you’re going to kill me, just do it already. I can’t take any
more of this.”
“No Jazzy, just hold on, don’t give up,” I hear Jamar say.
“You better mind you own fucking business nigga. Being nosy is what got
you into this in the first place. Now shit the fuck up so we all can hear.”
Tyree puts the phone on speaker, and Lanell starts to talk.
“Hey baby, you must be sleeping, I know that it was a long ride. Anyways, I
have some good news. I found out that the club will be up and running within
three months. Jezebels, will open its doors on December 23rd, your birthday.
Anyway, give me a call when you wake up. I miss you already baby. Can’t wait
to see you again, love you.”
Hearing Lanell’s voice gives me the strength to beg for my life, our life.
“Look, I know that this shit that we did hurts, but killing us won’t bring
anyone back. Think about our lives, think about your own. Killing us isn’t worth
it, can’t you just think about what I am saying?” I ask while pleading for mercy
with my eyes. And although they are almost swollen shut, he still is able to read
the look of desperation on my face.
“Man, get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Make your fucking toast
before I shove the glass down your throat.”
I start to cry as he waits and enjoys the show.
“Please, Tyree, don’t do this, not like this, please forgive us.”
My pleas fell on deaf ears.
“Fuck you, fuck forgiveness, and fuck Jamar. You two motherfuckers are
gonna pay for your sins.”
Now ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black, I think to myself.
“Fuck your toast; it’s time to drink up.”
I can feel Jamar pulling at the ropes that has us tied to the chairs back to
back.
“Don’t drink that shit, don’t drink it, Jazzy.”
As Tyree held the glass up to my lips, I held them shut.
“You have one more fucking second to open up your goddamn mouth.”
Tyree is running out of patience. The more he tries to force feed me the
drink, the more I struggle to get away. Finally fed up, Tyree grabs my throat and
starts to squeeze the life out of me. This causes me to gasp for air, and that’s
when he starts to pour.
“Thought you would poison me huh? Fuck your stuck-up ass. Always
walking around here like your better than me, as if you couldn’t give a nigga
some ass here and there. Don’t think that I didn’t peep how you were acting on
the set of Baby, Bi the Way, acting as if you weren’t enjoying it. I hope this
drink kills you slowly and painfully.”
“Who the fuck are you? I can’t believe I was living with such a monster.
Have you hated her this whole time, you sick fuck?” Tyree doesn’t respond to
Jamar. Instead, he speaks to me.
“Now that’s a good little girl. You know what; I think this deserves to be
celebrated.”
He walks over to the coffee table, picks up what was supposed to be my
drink, and swallows all of it down.
“Now that was refreshing.”
“For you it is,” I answer as I still gasp for air.

*****
 Thirty minutes later, I am starting to feel the effects of the drug. My head is
spinning, and my eye lids are getting heavy. At times, I just zone out and refuse
to listen to any more of Tyree’s verbal abuse. It isn’t until he strikes me with
another blow that I am brought back to reality.
“Okay, it’s time to get this show on the road, I’ll be back,” Tyree says as he
makes his way to the bathroom. He had been drinking on and off as he berated
us for several hours. I was thankful, this was to our advantage. As soon as we
hear the door close, Jamar springs into action.
“Jasmine…Jazzy, wake up…try and untie my hands.”
I hear him, but my body is starting to feel like a ton of bricks.
“Come on, fight through that shit, this is our only chance.”
I try my hardest to pull at the rope, but my effort isn’t good enough.
“Bitch, get your shit together, this nut is going to kill us if you don’t unite
me.”
Now I know that Jamar is frustrated and scared, but fuck that, so am I.
“I’m fucking trying. You’re not the one whose drugged, I am. You don’t
know how that shit is making feel right now.”
As I fight to untie him, I hear the sliding glass door being opened. My heart
races as I see DeeDee’s face.
“DeeDee, what are you doing here? It’s Tyree; he’s trying to kill us.”
“DeeDee’s here, where?”
“I’m right here, now shut the hell up,” she says as she comes over to us and
starts to untie our hands.
“I came about a half an hour ago. I tried to call you guys but no one picked
up. When I asked Bobby, he said that he had spoken to Breeze and he told him
that Jazzy was back. Since I was in town, I thought I’d stop by.”
“But how did you know to come around back?” I ask as my hands are set
free.
“I got here and was gonna scare the shit of out you. When I tried the front
door, it was unlocked. I tiptoed in and saw you two tied up. I stood there and
watch that asshole beat and curse at y'all. I have a lot of questions, but this ain’t
the time.”
“Did you call the cops?” Jamar asks her as he rubs his wrist.
“After what I heard, I don’t think that either one of you want the cops to be
called.
“So what the fuck are we gonna do?”
 I can tell that once Jamar realizes that the cops aren’t coming, he starts to
panic all over again. And as I stand looking at him for the first time since being
tied up, I can see the full range of damage Tyree has done with his fist. I decide
to try and not look into any mirrors.
“I don’t feel so well,” I say as I start to lean over to the left. DeeDee catches
me and sits me back down.
“Now what do you have in here that we can use to take this motherfucker
out?” DeeDee’s eyes roam the room looking for something sharp, hard, or just
plain lethal. As she picks up one object after the other, we hear the toilet flush
and we all freeze.
“Fuck, he coming back out! What are we going to do?”
Before any of us can come up with an answer, we hear a loud crash. It
sounds like everything that is breakable in the bathroom is shattering. When the
bathroom door opens, Tyree comes stumbling out. He looks out of it. He is
unable to stand straight and he is pain stricken.
“What the fuck is going on, what did yah do to me?”
Tyree is reaching out and hitting the air. He breaks everything he comes in
contact with. The blurriness of his vision sends him spiraling out of control.
Once he slips on the liquor he spilled, he sits on the floor trying to shake off the
effects of the drugs, but it’s not working. And as the world starts to close in on
him, he hears my laughter in the background.
“I thought he made you drink the one with the poison in it?” Jamar asked as
he looked at his lover.
“He did, but the one he drank had it too,” I said as I continued to laugh.
“YOU FUCKING BITCH!”
Tyree yells as he lies on the floor.
“Guess I was a sneaky little bitch after all,” I say as my eyes are getting too
heavy to hold open. I give in and let them close.

*****

“Wake up Jazzy; we have to get out of here.”

I feel like I have slept for hours, but my head is pounding.
“Go and pack a bag, take everything you want to take with you, but only the
important shit. Don’t take too long.”
 DeeDee ordered as Jamar helped me up to my feet.
“Are you okay?” he asks as I catch my balance.
“Yeah, just give me ten minutes. Where is he?” I ask as I look around for
Tyree. Jamar nods his head toward the same chairs he tied us in. It makes me
smile to see him in the same position that Jamar and I was in not too long ago.
“Enough of the sentimental bullshit, if we’re gonna do this; we have to do it
now.”
“What is she talking about?” I ask Jamar as I start on my way out of the
living room.
“Him, I have to take care of…him.”
With that, he lets me know that I won’t be the only one with blood on my
hands today.

*****

Once upstairs, I grab my jewels, some clothes, and some cash from Breeze’s
safe. He has about 20 grand in there, and since I am being nice, I only take half
of it. By the time I am done, I have three duffle bags packed and am so ready to
blow this joint.
“All set to go?” I ask as I walk over to the sink and get a glass of water. I pop
two Advil’s and waited for Jamar to get the job done so we could leave.
“He’s asleep, he won’t even know it’s coming,” DeeDee says as she tries to
get Jamar to get a move on it.
“Just aim the fucking gun and shot. Now, if you don’t want to do it, give it
here. I’ve been dying to shoot this dude for a while now.”
I look at Jamar and he reads my mind.
“I have a lot to fill you in on. She’s apparently a pro at this.”
DeeDee laughs at his statement.
“Well this pro is going to take the gun away from you if you don’t shoot that
asshole, and soon.”
I watch as Jamar struggles to pull the trigger. I can’t even begin to imagine
having to shoot a man that I shared a bed with. A man who I thought loved me, a
man that I could see spending the rest of my life with. I can’t blame him for
stalling, but in the end, the sooner he shots him, the better.
“We really have to go,” I say to him as I put my hand on his shoulder.
 “I know Jazzy, I know,” he says as he rests his hand on mine.
“I just don’t know if I can do this. I mean, this is the man I once loved.”
“Yeah well, just think about where he was when he wasn’t in your bed.
Think about how he was about to kill you if I didn’t untie you. I know it’s hard
but you gotta tell yourself that it’s better that he die then you.” DeeDee had a
point there. But only I knew what would really give Jamar the push he needed.
“Plus, after what he did to your face, hell, our faces, we may never be the
same.” Jamar’s face says it all. I knew that Tyree possibly ruining his good looks
would make him tick. And as he held the gun up that I used on June, I knew that
neither of us would be visiting L.A. any time soon.
“So, I guess this means you’re coming to Vegas with me, right?”
Jamar nods his head yes and puts his finger on the trigger. I take a seat and
turn away. I try to focus on the one good this about this situation. Jamar is not
only my friend, but he is also my brother.
 Chapter 38

“Bitch, get your shit together,

this nut is going to kill us if you don’t untie me.”
Once it was time to go I waited for Jasmine and Lanell to say their goodbyes,
while I typed in the address I found on Tyree’s GPS so I’d know where I was
going. As soon as we started driving Jasmine asked me about Anthony.
“Girl, now you know that I’m not really a bottom, but for Mr. Rondell, I’ll
bottom any day. That man turned me out.”
Jasmine knew I preferred to top, so she was dying to know what happened.
“Jazzy, I don’t even know how or when it happened, but the next thing I
knew, I was head down, ass up.”
She couldn’t get enough. I hadn’t seen her laugh that hard in a while.
“Wait, start from the beginning. The last time I saw you, you were heading
to the bar.”
I told her how everything went down, and she told me how she and Lanell
spent their night talking and catching up. Jasmine was getting sleepy and
decided to take a nap. The adrenaline was flowing inside of me so I was wide
awake and anxious to get there already. I was so deep into my thoughts that I let
Jasmine sleep the entire way there, and while I staked out Tyree’s baby mama’s
house. I finally decided it was time, so I woke Jasmine up. As she looked around
it was obvious she was confused.
“Where the fuck are we?”
“Santa Barbara.” I replied.
She was still confused. I figured there was no better time to tell her what was
going than at that moment. I reached in the back for my gym bag so I could get
out the gun.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?”
 “Calm down Jazzy.”
She thought I was crazy and looked worried now. She tried talking me out of
doing what I wanted to do, but there was no turning back at that point. It was
time to get even with Tyree.
“So just put it away, you can confront her without it, please, Jamar, I’m
begging you. Don’t do this!”
I started to take her advice but I wanted to make one hell of a first
impression. I wanted this woman to remember me, and know that I’ve been
fucking, and living with her man. I got out of the car and started walking toward
her house. I thought my plan was crazy, but a normal plan wasn’t what I craved.
I wanted to not only hurt Tyree, but I wanted him to know I was the one who
told his secrets. Jasmine came running up to me questioning me again. I told her
to make up her mind and join me, or head back to the car before I just walked
away. She stood there and thought about it for a second before following me.
The moment I waited for finally happened; I was standing outside of her front
door.
I thought about everything I wanted to say, while Jasmine continued to ask
questions. I reassured her that this woman was alone, and that Tyree wouldn’t
arrive until later that night. I figured I’d give Jasmine one last chance to change
her mind. She didn’t say no, so I knocked on the door a few times. When she
opened the door I could tell right away she was trying to figure out who we
were. I figured I’d tell her I was a friend of Tyree’s in hopes that she’d invite us
inside. It worked because she introduced herself as June before welcoming us
inside, and leading us to the living room. She was so gorgeous, and that was
without any make up on so I could see why Tyree liked her. She was also huge,
and looked like she was going to have a big baby sometime soon. She offered us
a seat, so we made ourselves comfortable as we made small talk.
“You look like you’re about have that baby any day now. Do you know what
you’re having yet?” I asked.
“A boy.”
“Do you know what you’re going to name him?”
“Well, Tyree wants him to be a junior, but that’s not happening. I’m naming
him James after my grandfather.”
I looked around and admired her small home, it was nice and clean. I was
trying to wait for the right moment to tell her why we were really there, but she
wanted to know how I knew Tyree, and if he was okay. I told her we worked
together, and I’m not going to lie, I got a little pleasure out of telling her the
half-truth; but I wasn’t going to play around with her and beat around the bush
any longer, so I spoke up.
“Yeah, he’s fine, but I’m not.”
I heard the concern in her voice as she asked, “Who did you say you were
again?”
“I’m his boyfriend.” I replied calmly as I reached into my gym bag to show
her the DVD’s I brought.
It wasn’t until I had the cases in my hand that all of my built up anger came
rushing out. I put the movies in front of her while rubbing it in her face that
Tyree was my man.
“I bet he never told you he was a gay porn star, did he?” I said as she stared
at the movies. You could see the hurt and confusion written all over her face.
June excused herself, so while she was in the kitchen getting some water
Jasmine stood up and questioned me. I made it clear that I didn’t care if June
told Tyree everything I said.
“So you’re not worried about what Tyree’s going to do when he finds out
what you did?”
“FUCK HIM, as soon as I get back to L.A. I’m renting a condo, and moving
out until we can figure out who’s keeping the house. I’m finally done with his
trifling ass.”
Jazzy didn’t look convinced, or relieved. She just sat back down and was
quiet.
“So you mean to tell me that I’m supposed to believe that Tyree is a porn
star, and that you’re his boyfriend?” June said as she came walking out of the
kitchen.
I confirmed that it was the truth, and that Tyree was no good. I think I pissed
her off though when I said her unborn baby was major baggage. She got in my
face, and started yelling and accusing me of being a liar.
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF GAMES YOU’RE PLAYING,
FAGGOT, BUT I DON’T BELIEVE YOUR LIES.”
That was when I lost it. I started yelling back at her and had to stop myself
from smacking the shit out of her.
“BITCH, you better back the fuck up out of my face.”
She didn’t let her guard down, and was actually standing up to me like I was
the one who should’ve been scared. The nerve of her, here I was trying to warn
her that she was planning a future with a man who was living a double life. She
should’ve cried and thanked me but she was yelling at me and challenging me
like I was the bad guy. I wanted to put her in her place, and scare her so I got the
gun out and put it up to her cheek. She was terrified now; I could see it in her
eyes. Jazzy tried to stop me and looked petrified too. Once I knew she was going
to calm down, shut up, and back the fuck up I put the gun down so I could get
my point across. I wanted her focused only on my words, and not the gun.
“Not only does he have sex with men in front of the camera, but he’s fucked
random men for money off camera too.”
She was still in denial. She thought I was making everything up even though
the proof was in the pudding. She finally decided she heard enough and told us
to get out. I felt like I did enough damage, even though she was faking like what
I said didn’t bother her. I was going to leave but first I had to tell her how sad
she was, and told her to Google “gay porn star Konceited” if she didn’t believe
me. I started gathering all of my stuff so we could get out of there when I heard
the gun shot. It scared me so I threw the DVDs in the air and jumped to the
ground. I looked in Jasmine’s direction and the first thing I noticed, she was
holding the gun.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?” I asked as I turned to look at
June. She was lying on the floor with blood all over her chest. I noticed she had
a big ass Michael Myer’s butcher knife in her hand. I didn’t move at first,
because I didn’t know what to do.
“Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, did I just, wait is she? She was
going to stab you with that knife. I don’t know what happened, I just reacted.”
Jasmine was pale and in shock. I slowly got up and grabbed the gun out of
her hand. I put it in my gym bag, picked up the movies, and got Jasmine out of
there without touching anything. I put my hand in my shirt and opened the door
so we could exit, and left the front door opened hoping whoever discovered her
would think it was a robbery that went bad. I held Jasmine’s hand as we walked
in a fast pace back to the car. I wanted to speed off like a NASCAR driver, but I
drove out of her neighborhood like everything was normal. Both of us were
silent and looking straight ahead. Now I was scared, and regretting going there
in the first place. I didn’t expect that to go down the way it did.
A part of me wanted to hurt her, and put it all on Tyree so that both of us
could be sitting there waiting for him to arrive. I wanted to see his face and hear
his reaction when June confronted him, but when she started yelling at me I
knew that wasn’t going to happen. I should’ve just left right then and there with
the satisfaction that I told her, and that Tyree would’ve been caught off guard
when she talked to him about it. Jasmine finally spoke, and asked me if June was
dead. Once I confirmed that she was gone, Jazzy started to panic. I wanted to
calm her down, but I couldn’t. She was freaking out so bad that it was making
me paranoid. I knew one thing though we needed to figure out our next move,
and we had to come up with a plan fast. Both of us had to be on the same page
and make sure our stories matched in case we were questioned by the cops. I
think mentioning this to her made her stop and think about what really just
happened, and what she would say.
After another brief moment of silence, she made it clear that she wasn’t
going to confess to anything, and she expected me not to either. Now she really
had me thinking about the cops finding out we did it. I couldn’t believe there
was a big chance that we could get arrested for murder. I didn’t want to point
fingers but I asked Jasmine why she had to kill her. I knew I was wrong for that
because she saved my life. I wanted to thank her, but at the same time I wanted
to shake her and scream, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY SHOOTING HER IN THE
ARM, OR IN THE HAND?”
She started to put the blame on me like it was my fault because I brought the
gun inside. I had to let her know she had options, she didn’t have to follow me
inside, but I quickly regretted that too. She made me feel so small, and so stupid
for even allowing things to go down the way they did. She had some very good
points too. I felt bad when she pointed out that I was dishonest, and led her to
believe we were driving home, not to Santa Barbara. At that time I wasn’t
thinking clearly, and I didn’t look at it like that. All I could see was hurting
Tyree, not Jasmine. Now all I could picture was us going from porn stars to
convicted murderers, shown on every news channel, talked about on every blog,
doing time in prison, while Tyree was doing whatever he wanted to do.
I couldn’t turn around, and do it over again although I wished I could. I
realized that Jasmine was right, and that I owed her big time. I apologized before
we held hands and were both silent again. After a good thirty minutes she told
me what to say which was only “Who is June?” if we were ever questioned by
anyone. If we got away with it, she made it clear that she would die with this
secret we shared, so I agreed that I would do the same. I continued driving
toward L.A. while we discussed what we were going to say we did that day.
Even though it was a lie, all we could do was stick to the plan and hope that no
one would ever suspect we killed her. I think once we had our story straight we
were both a little more at ease. We didn’t talk anymore, and we almost made it
home before I realized the car was almost out of gas. I didn’t want to risk the car
running out completely because we would’ve had to walk to get some more, or
we would’ve had to walk the rest of the way to Breeze’s house. I pulled into the
first gas station that I came to. I was still a little nervous and shook up about
everything so I handed Jasmine seventy dollars and asked her to fill up the tank.
I figured she could use some fresh air, and I needed to be alone for a couple
of minutes. I just wanted to get to Breeze’s house so I could relax and feel
somewhat safe. I realized Jasmine was taking a long time to come back out of
the gas station, so I decided to get out, and see what she was doing. As soon as I
could see inside I was shocked. Jasmine was kicking Tanya’s ass, bringing even
more attention to her like she didn’t just murder someone. That’s all we needed
was her on video beating up a former porn star. I ran inside and yelled at her.
“JAZZY, STOP, COME ON LET’S GET OUT OF HERE.”
I watched as she calmly threw the cash on the counter and told the cashier
how much gas we needed like nothing just happened. I looked at him and he
looked shocked, but he started pushing buttons on the cash register.
“I’m going to refill my coffee cup, go pump the gas, and I’ll be right there,”
Jazzy said as I waited to see if the cashier really just accepted our purchase, I
just knew he was going to turn us down, and call the cops. Once he started
handing me the change I told him to keep it, ran outside, and started filling up
the tank. Jasmine walked to the car as if she didn’t have a care in the world. I
was so worried that I didn’t even wait for the gas to finish pumping. I stopped it,
and got back in my truck and drove off.
“What the fuck was that? Do you really want the cops looking for you after
the day we’ve had?”
“Look, the bitch threatened me like she was about to beat my ass or
something, so I shut her up, and took her tall ass down. You should’ve seen her
face when the coffee landed on her. She looked disturbed, and couldn’t even
defend herself.”
“So what are you going to do if she calls the cops, and they have you on
camera fucking her up?”
“I’m not worried about that, if I know Tanya, she’s too jealous of me. She
will want revenge before she will want me locked up.”
I couldn’t believe the day we were having, first Jasmine kills June, and then
she assaults Tanya. I needed that day to end already. We made it to Breeze’s
mansion and realized Jasmine would have the house to herself for two days, so
she asked me if I’d keep her company. There was no way I was going home,
because I couldn’t be alone after what went down. As I was telling Jasmine I
was staying, Tyree called. She looked at me like answer it and find out what he
has to say.
“What’s up Tyree?”
“Nothing much, I’m driving right now. I was just thinking about you so I
wanted to call you. What’s up with you?” he asked calmly, which made me start
to doubt that he made it to Santa Barbara.
“I’m chilling with Jasmine.”
“What are you two getting into tonight?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t really decided. We’ll probably just rent a movie.”
“Oh, okay, that’s cool.”
He was silent which gave me the opportunity to figure out if he knew
anything.
“Did you make it to Santa Barbara okay?”
“Naw, I’m just going to drive up there in the morning. I’m tired and don’t
want to fall asleep behind the wheel. I was going to pick up something to eat on
my way in the house and wanted to see if you needed anything, but I see you
already have plans. Have fun, I’ll see you later.”
I hung up with a feeling of relief because Tyree wouldn’t find out about
June, and his unborn son until the following day. He would never suspect Jazzy
and I had anything to with their murders. As long as no one saw us leaving her
house, and recognized us we were good. All I had to do now was deal with my
conscience which I prayed over time would get easier. Jazzy and I talked and
flipped through all of the different news channels to see if there was any mention
of the murders. Two hours had passed and my eyes were so heavy, I tried to
fight the sleep but I couldn’t. I stretched out on the couch, closed my eyes, and
while Jazzy was still talking I was out.

*****

Waking up from good nap after that long ride and seeing Tyree’s face was
not what I expected to see. It was quite scary so I froze and stared at him. At first
I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or awake, but once I knew it wasn’t a dream
there was no hiding the fear in my eyes. I was wide awake now, but speechless.
“Wake up baby, I missed you,” he said before kissing my forehead. He
looked at me and smiled, which made me feel good but I hadn’t missed him at
all. I felt the exact opposite and wanted him to leave. I sat up so that I could be
more prepared in case he tried something. He was standing in front of me so he
had to lean down to kiss me again. His kiss was so passionate and romantic; I
couldn’t even remember the last time he’d kissed me like that. I had to know
what he was doing there so I asked.
“I thought I’d surprise you, and show you how much I missed you. Plus, I
just had to see you tonight.”
Tyree surprising me was like winning the Power Ball, the odds were against
me so his tone and words said one thing while his actions said another. I looked
around to see where Jasmine was and he noticed.
“How about that drink Jazzy?” he asked as he sat down beside me on the
couch smiling at me. I needed Jasmine to hurry up because I didn’t know what to
do or say. There was this awkward silence so I just said the first thing that I
could think of.
“Guess who I ran into in Vegas?”
“I have no idea, who?”
“Blaze and Karma were there.”
“Oh, for real? That’s cool.”
I could tell he wasn’t interested, so I tried changing the subject.
“So how was your day?”
“It was long and crazy.”
“Why, what happened?”
“Nothing I just need to get away. I need a vacation.”
“You’re right. We should go to Jamaica, or the Dominican Republic. Would
you like that?” I asked as if I wasn’t planning on ending our relationship.
“Yeah definitely, we should do that.”
Jazzy finally walked back into the living room carrying our drinks. She put
them down on the coffee table, and looked at me like something was wrong.
After she pointed her eyes in the direction of the glass closest to Tyree I knew
not to drink that one. I had no idea what she was up to, but that gave me
confirmation that Tyree definitely wasn’t being himself because she picked up
on it too. Tyree told Jazzy he was wondering why I wasn’t happy to see him. I
tried my best to fake like I was excited.
“Are you now? ‘Cause you’ve been really distant lately. I thought it had
something to do with June.”
He said it so calmly we wouldn’t expect it coming, and he’d see the shock
written all over our faces. Jazzy and I both stood up at the same time, but before
I knew it I was back on the couch. Tyree hit me so hard that I had figure out
what just happened. I had an instant headache, but I was ready to attack. I got
ready to charge him, but I stopped in my tracks when he pulled out a gun, not
just any gun, Blaze’s gun. I wasn’t thinking when we got back to Breeze’s
house, and left my gym bag in the rental car. Not only did he have the gun, but
he must’ve found the DVD’s too. I didn’t know what Tyree planned to do to us,
but I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I thought I’d try acting my way out of it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you Tyree, and who the hell is June?”
He hit me up side my head with the gun with such force that blood started to
run down the side of my face.
“I told your ass to get up. If you don’t want the other side of your head to
leak I’d advise you to do so.”
I couldn’t take another hit like that so I did as he demanded.
“Now open up my book bag, and take out the rope, and duct tape.”
“HELP!” Jasmine screamed out and started to run toward the front door. She
wasn’t fast enough because Tyree caught her and hit her in the back of her head
with the gun.
“BITCH, IF YOU SCREAM, OR TRY TO GET AWAY AGAIN I’M
GOING TO KILL YOU SLOWLY. NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER
THERE.”
I was speechless. I never expected Tyree to hit me let alone hit a woman. He
looked at me and told me to bring two chairs over from the dining room. I was
too scared not to.
“Tie her up in the chair right now. Make sure she can’t get up either.”
He pushed her down onto the chair.
“Damn, you don’t need to manhandle me Tyree.”
“Shut up bitch.”
He punched her in the mouth which busted her top lip. When Jasmine turned
back around to look at him she had blood in her mouth, and she looked furious. I
would bet anything that she wished she would’ve killed Tyree instead of June.
“I SAID TIE HER UP.”
I whispered “I’m sorry” loud enough for her to hear me as I kneeled down,
grabbed her arms, and folded them behind the chair so I could tie her up.
“Now get your ass up and get in the other chair.”
I looked up at him and he looked evil. I didn’t have anything to lose, so I
tried talking my way out of what was to come.
“Baby, why are you so mad? Why are you doing this?”
My questions were followed by a kick in the face, and then a kick to my ribs.
I was stunned, and couldn’t even move from the pain. He grabbed me and forced
me to get up, and get in the other chair. He wasn’t as gentle as I was when I tied
Jasmine up.
“Now which one of you should I start with?”
I thought he was ready to kill us, so I just stayed quiet, and tried to think of a
way out of there.

NOW WHAT?

“I’ll start with you bitch, and you better not lie to me.”
Tyree says as he looks at me. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s
serious.
“How did you find out about June, and how did you know where she lived
at?”
I want to tell him the truth so he’ll go easy on me, but I can’t answer his
questions. Answering them would only bring more pain on Jasmine. After all she
was the one who found out about June, but I take her advice and answer the way
she told me to.
“Tyree, seriously who is June?”
“Okay, that’s it. I tried to give you a chance to tell the truth.”
He starts to use my head as a punching bag, and I can’t even block his hits. I
have never felt pain like this before. I black out, but come to when I hear
Jasmine scream.
“STOP HITTING HIM. IT WAS ME. I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU AND
JUNE.”
I’m relieved because if he would’ve kept punching me like that I’m sure he
would’ve done some permanent damage. I feel useless and ashamed because I
can’t protect myself, or Jasmine.
“BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”
I zone in and out so I only hear half of their conversation because I’m in my
own head, and feeling regret. I can’t believe I was naïve and allowed this man
into my life not once, but twice and he still fucked me over. My head is
throbbing and feels swollen. I can’t see how my face looks but I want to cry
because I can’t stop picturing Will Smith in Hitch, I can’t see out of my left eye,
and I have to spit out a mouth full of blood. Jasmine finishes explaining
everything, and Tyree seems even more furious.
“I can’t believe you snitched on me? You’re living with one man, but out in
Vegas fucking another, and have the nerve to tell on me for having a girl on the
side.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but I can hear him taking his anger out on her.
I cringe each time I hear his fist make contact because I know the pain she’s
experiencing. He makes her tell him what went down at June’s house too. Even
though she explains it was an accident he isn’t buying it. He hits her again, and
by the sound she makes I know he didn’t hold back. He starts venting to us like
we care.
“My girl and my son who I didn’t even to get to meet are both dead. That
was my heart right there. Everything I loved was taken away from me, and I
know you’re both the reason why. You can only imagine my reaction when I
found June lying there slowly dying. Do you want to know what her last words
were?”
He pauses to see if either of us will answer, but I’m too shocked to find out
June was still alive. I thought I felt terrible before, but now I know I’ll never
forgive myself for going there. Only if I would’ve called 9-1-1, maybe they’d
still be alive.
“She said you two killed her as she held onto our movie, then I watched her
take her last breathe.”
We both stay quiet.
“So what am I supposed to do now? What do you expect me do? Put yourself
in my shoes. Everything that you love is dead, and they were killed by his lover
and sister. So tell me would you let yourselves live?”
Even though the words hurt just as bad as his fist I don’t shed a tear. I want
to, but I won’t allow him to take away my pride since he already stole my heart.
I would like to believe he loved me, but I don’t think he’s capable of loving
someone. I don’t think he even knows what love is.
“Everything you loved, I guess I wasn’t one of them huh, cheating asshole.”
He talks, and punches me at the same time.
“You’re right I didn’t love you, I’m not gay.”
“You were pretty damn gay when I was fucking you up the ass. You loved
it.”
He doesn’t like to hear the truth because he grabs me by the throat, and damn
near squeezes the life out of me.
“Why would I love someone who tricked me into porn?”
He lets go, and I gasp for air.
“I didn’t put a gun to your head and make you do it,” I say after I catch my
breath.
“I was broke, confused, and needed somewhere to go. What would you do
when that much cash is put in front of you?”
“If I wasn’t gay, I know I wouldn’t have done it.”
I know I’m only pissing him off even more, but I can’t hold my tongue. I see
him ball up his fist again.
“What do you mean his sister? We’re close but we’re not related.”
Hearing Jazzy ask this makes me realize what Tyree said earlier. I only get to
marinate on it though for a second before Tyree starts hitting me in the face
again. He taunts me before moving on to Jazzy. I hear him tell Jazzy that not
only do we share the same father but Breeze knew since the HIV scare. I’m
shocked and taken back. All of these years I thought I was an only child. When I
was a kid I wished I had a sibling. If it’s true I wonder why my father never told
me. Also, I can’t believe Jasmine and I never paid attention to the fact that we
share the same last name. I love her like a sister, and she’s my best friend but I
always just call her Jazzy. I never even stopped to ask her about her last name, or
about her parents.
I think back to my father staring at her picture in my house. Did he recognize
his daughter? Did he realize then that his children know each other? I’m also
shocked he agreed to meet with the both of us. Why now? I’m curious to know
what he has to say for himself. I want to ask Tyree what all Breeze said, but I
don’t want to bring any more attention to myself now that he’s walked around to
Jazzy. She asks me if I believe Tyree and if I’m okay, but I don’t know how to
respond. I’m more focused on trying to free our hands. Tyree tied the rope so
tight around my hands and wrists that I can barely move my fingers.
“Here’s to revenge, and people getting exactly what they deserve.”
I pray Jasmine put rat poison or something just as venomous in his drink.
The way he’s abused us, I could care less if he dropped dead. The pain starts to
become unbearable. I close my eyes and start to dream that I’m a child again,
and I’m out shopping with my mom.
“BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME ASK AGAIN.”
I wake up hearing Jasmine begging Tyree to kill her. I try to convince her to
hold on.
“No, Jazzy, just hold on, don’t give up.”
Tyree doesn’t like this and threatens me some more, so I shut up. After
getting her pin number to her voicemail he plays Lanell’s message for all of us
to hear. He finds it funny that he’s teasing Jazzy, and using Lanell’s voicemail as
his punch line. I know it’s killing her inside to know he finalized everything in
Vegas, and is waiting for her to move there. It’s sad that won’t happen, and they
won’t see each other again. Tyree has gone mad, and I’m sure will kill us before
the night is over. Now I start to give up but then I think about how much I want
to live, and think of all the things I want to accomplish. I finally stretch my
hands far enough to touch her rope with my fingertips. I try to move my hands a
little further just enough to untie Jasmine’s rope, but I can’t. I tap her fingers
hoping she will get the hint, and untie my rope but she just tries to hold my hand.
After giving us both our worst beat down ever, Tyree makes Jasmine drink
the Vodka that was meant for him, and then he gulps down hers. The rush from
his drink, he took down like a shot, makes him ready to kick and punch us some
more. I finally just slump over in my chair and pretend like I’m knocked out.
Tyree goes in the kitchen to pour himself some more alcohol, because he needs
the liquid courage to finish what he’s started. Jasmine hasn’t made any noises, or
moved so I’m assuming he knocked her out, or the poison that was meant for
Tyree killed her. I want to check on her, but that will just make things worse for
me. After a long night of abuse he finally leaves us alone, and goes to the
bathroom.
“Jazzy, wake up, try to untie my hands.”
I hear her moving, and trying to pull the ropes, but she’s not moving fast
enough.
“Bitch, get your shit together, this nut is going to kill us if you don’t untie
me.”
The drugs Tyree forced her to drink are in full effect so she can’t really
move, but thankfully I hear DeeDee. She unties us, and explains that she’s
witnessed all of Tyree’s evil intentions.

*****

I stand up for the first time since Tyree tied me up, and I almost fall back
down. My body is in so much pain, and when I turn around and look at Jasmine,
and then look in the mirror I realize Tyree didn’t hold back on either one of us. I
pray everything will heal, and we’ll look like ourselves again. I’m so consumed
with staring at myself that I forget about Tyree coming back to kill us until
DeeDee asks for something to knock him out with.
 “Fuck, he’s coming back. What are we going to do?” Jazzy asks.
I see him come staggering down the hallway, and start to charge us, but as
soon as he clears the hallway DeeDee smashes a statue over his head. He falls
down to the ground, and cusses at Jasmine before he is out. Jasmine enjoys her
victory for a moment before she realizes she needs to sit back down, and go to
sleep herself. I, on the other hand, can’t sit still; I’m scared he’s going to get
back up. I see the gun on the table so I pick it up and hand it to DeeDee.
“Here, you take it. I’m going to tie his ass up.”
I try to lift his heavy body but I’m too weak.
“Man, watch out,” DeeDee says before lifting Tyree up like he was a rag
dog.
“Get the rope, and tie him up. If I let him go he’s going to fall out of the
chair.”
I do what DeeDee says, and once he’s tied up. I punch him in the face a few
times before she stops me.
“Chill, we want him to stay passed out. You need to figure out what you’re
going to do with him.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know you can’t let him live right?”
“DeeDee, what the fuck have you been smoking? I’m calling the cops and
letting them deal with him.”
“Okay, and then what? He gets locked up for year or two, while you and
Jazzy go to jail for two counts of murder. By the time you get out, half of your
life will be over. You need to think about this, trust me I know.”
“Well, what if we just leave him here, and leave L.A.”
“You could do that, but he’s not going to stop until he finds you, and kills
you both.”
“And you know this how?”
“I used to deal with a man like him years ago. He would get high and drunk
and instead of making love to me he would beat up on me. He told me he was
going to kill me if I ever left him. I never deserved any of his abuse, I loved him,
I did everything around the house for him, and I was faithful to him.”
“Why would he hit you then?”
“He started using all kinds of drugs which made him nervous and paranoid
that I’d leave him, or that I was cheating on him. Plus, he was much older, and
miserable that his life didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to, so he took his
anger and frustration out on me.”
 “What did you do?”
“I wanted to leave him, but I didn’t have anywhere to go. I wasn’t working,
and I didn’t have any money so I was stuck. That was until I met Bobby, he saw
me at the beach with my best friend at the time. He kept trying to talk me into
working for him. I turned him down until I woke up one morning with two black
eyes.”
She stopped talking and just stared at the ground.
“Well, what happened?”
“Let’s just say I called Bobby, and told him everything that, we’ll just call
him Andre. I told Bobby about all the beatings, black eyes, bruises, and busted
lips Andre gave me.”
“Mr. Cappello killed him?”
“No, I did. Bobby gave me a needle full of drugs, and told me the next time
Andre hit me to wait ‘til he was sleeping, inject him with the needle, make him
die from an overdose, and give him a call so that’s what I did. Bobby had some
men come and take his body away. I waited two days and reported him missing.
By the end of that week I was identifying his body. As I left the hospital Bobby
was waiting for me, and assured me that he’d never let another man hurt me.
Ever since then Bobby and I have had a mutual love for each other.”
“Can I ask you something else without offending you?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“How come you’re his mistress, and not his wife?”
“It’s complicated, and that’s not for here nor there. Anyway you know what
you have to do, right?”
“I take it you want me to shoot him, but then what are we going to do with
his body?”
“Let me worry about that. You need to wake Jazzy up so you two can leave
L.A. for a while. I’ll make sure everything is cleaned up. Oh, and don’t call me
for any reason. Once I know everything is good, I’ll call you to let you know it’s
safe to come home.”
I love DeeDee but you think you know someone, but you really don’t. Now I
understand why she’s ready to pop off on anyone who even looks at her funny. I
take her advice since she seems to know what she’s talking about.
“Wake up, Jazzy, we have to get out of here.”
I tell her what I have to do, and tell her to pack some bags. She listens and
heads upstairs.
“Here, Jamar, take the gun. I’m going to lay him down on the foyer; it’ll be
easier to clean up the blood over there than on this cream carpet.”
For the first time since I got the gun from Blaze I have anxiety just from
holding it. I’m sweating and shaking because of what I was told I have to do. I
close my eyes and wish this is just a dream, but Jasmine quickly reminds me that
it’s not.
“All set to go?” She asks as she puts her bags down, and then heads into the
kitchen. I looked at DeeDee and she’s looking at me like, well, are you going to
do it or not. She tries to make me feel better by saying he’s asleep, but I just feel
wrong killing a defenseless man. Especially since he’s the only man I’ve ever
loved. On the other hand though he beat me so bad that I don’t even recognize
myself, and he was planning on killing me. I walk over to DeeDee and stand
over Tyree. She smiles at me and nods her head letting me know that I’m doing
the right thing. My hands won’t stop shaking, and I can’t move.
“Just aim the fucking gun and shoot. Now, if you don’t want to do it, give it
here. I’ve been dying to shoot this dude for a while now.”
Jazzy walks over to us, and looks at me like she’s confused. I told her I’d tell
her later before DeeDee puts pressure on me to hurry up and do it. I want to kill
him for what he’s done to me, to Jasmine, to my friendship with Ebony, to even
lying to June, but I’m not a murderer. I’m a porn star.
“We really have to go,” Jasmine says putting even more pressure on me, but
letting me know it’s okay by putting her hand on my shoulder. Although I hate
Tyree a small part of me still has love for him. I want to pray for him, and hope
he gets some help. He doesn’t deserve to die. He just has to learn it’s not okay to
lie to everyone around him, and that you can’t just abuse people because of an
accident. I almost hand the gun to DeeDee and walk away but she and Jasmine
both have valid points. DeeDee is telling me it's better that he dies than me,
while Jasmine is reminding me how badly Tyree fucked up our faces. It just
reminds me how much this man, this stranger who I thought I knew, didn’t care
about me at all, and cheated, lied, and used me this whole time. Then, on top of
it, he had the nerve to plot to kill me and my best friend, or should I say my
sister? I think about my dream, and realize this is the only way to get rid of him
so he never hurts me again.
“Goodbye, asshole.”
I aim the gun at Tyree, close my eyes because I can’t look, and pull the
trigger three times. Afterwards I just stand there for a couple of seconds before
looking around. I drop the gun on the floor beside his leaking body, and start
walking toward the front door.
 “Hold up, wait Jamar,” DeeDee says before giving me a hug.
“You did the right thing. I watched the way he was punching you, and
looking at you. He wanted you dead, so believe me when I say he wouldn’t have
stopped until you were, but now you don’t have to worry about that. Now get out
of here. I’ll call you after everything is settled. Breeze and Bobby are going to
wonder where everyone is at, so I’ll let you and Jazzy come up with something
to explain your absence, but I’ll make sure Breeze knows Tyree quit the business
and moved away from L.A.”
I didn’t say anything I just nodded in agreement. I watched as DeeDee
hugged Jasmine.
“What are you going to do with his body? Breeze will be back in two days. It
needs to look like nothing has happened in here.”
“I got this girl. I’m about to call Bobby, he’ll know what to do. Come on; let
me help you with your bags.”
DeeDee walks us to the car, hugs each of us one more time, and tells us she
loves us like family, and in typical DeeDee fashion she has to try to make us
laugh.
“Girl, when you get back to Vegas you need to lay low for a few days, just
go ahead put a whole bag of ice on your face, and let that swelling go down.”
We both sort of chuckle.
“Is it really that bad?” Jasmine asks.
“Yes, bitch. Tyree turned you into a monster. I’m assuming you’ll plan to
stop at Jamar’s house so he can pack up some of his clothes right?”
I nodded yes.
“Good, while you’re there grab some hats and sunglasses because y'all look
like some sort of endangered species of ugly right now.”
“Bye girl. I love you,” Jasmine says as she gets in the car.
“I love you too.”
“Bye DeeDee. Thank you.”
“Bye boy. Take care of her. I’ll see you soon.”
With that over with, Jasmine and I drive off into the night. I don’t know how
things got to this point, and what’s going to happen to us; but I’m just happy I’m
not alone.
 Chapter 39

WHO AM I NOW?
These motherfuckers must think that I’m playing with their asses. That bitch
must have lost her fucking mind, asking me to let them live. She should be
counting her lucky fucking stars that she’s still breathing. I stand in Breeze’s
fancy bathroom and wonder what happened to the old me. I know that I am a
shitty dude at times, but this? No one would have told me a year ago that this
would be happening. But what can I do? They killed my kid, and they killed the
best thing that has ever happened to me. Man, fuck that, and fuck them. Both of
them have to die. As I look around the bathroom it hits me, I really didn’t know
what the fuck I was going to do when I was driving over here. How could I?
Nothing could have prepared me for that scene at June’s house. She was just
lying there, almost lifeless. I thought that she was dead until I heard her moan.
When I walked over to her, she was holding something in her hand.
“They…they… told me. I know who you really are.”
I took the DVD out of her hand and damn near lost my mind once I realized
that she was holding my work, our work on Baby, Bi the Way.
“June, baby, hold on!” I was panicking. Her body started to shake
uncontrollably. Blood was shooting out of her mouth and I could tell that she
couldn’t breathe. Before I could get her any help, I knew that she was gone. I
must have sat there for an hour trying to piece everything together. But no matter
how I played it out in my head, Jamar and that bitch were behind it. So I did
what I had to do. It killed me to just leave June there, without calling anyone.
But I got up, whipped down the apartment, and got all of my shit out of there,
including the DVD them motherfuckers used to shatter the new life I was
planning on starting.

NOW, OR NEVER
 Damn, I shouldn’t have had all of those drinks. I should have kept a clear
mind for this. I turn on the water and splash some on my face. It helps, but I still
feel messed up. Fuck me for not staying clear of the liquor. Oh, well, at least
they are tied up. They aren’t going nowhere. “Okay, Tyree, think. What are you
going to do with them?” I thought out loud to myself. On the way here, I picked
up a large duffle bag. I just kept picturing myself cutting them up, while they are
still alive, and stuffing them in the large bag. I felt that they deserved as much,
but now, now that I have calmed down, that doesn’t seem like such a good idea.
One, it would be a lot of work, two, we’re in Breeze’s house. How would he
explain…wait. What the fuck am I talking about? Fuck Breeze, and fuck
everyone else. I am the one who has lost everything.
So that’s it, I’m a chop them motherfuckers up and throw them out like the
garbage that they are. I gotta sit down for a minute, damn, I’m fucked up. But
wait, why is the bathroom spinning, why am I sweating? FUCK…that bitch got
me. As I try to stand up, I fall right back down. My legs won’t work, and my
vision is getting fuzzier with every second that passes. I have to get it together.
They can’t fucking live. I have to at least kill that bitch for drugging me. Come
on nigga, pull it together. Again I pull myself up. I knock over almost everything
that’s on the sink, but at least I’m standing. Taking one step at a time, I make it
to a freshly pressed suit Breeze left hanging behind the bathroom door. As I
reach for it, I feel my legs giving out, but I manage to grab onto the suit and it
comes down with me. It takes everything in me to get Breeze’s clothes on. I
fight to get dressed, and I devise my plan. I’ll kill both Jazzy and Jamar and just
leave their bodies here. I’ll burn the suit when I’m done, and the cufflinks will
stay in the fireplace. This will give the cops reason to believe that Breeze did it,
and that he was trying to cover it up by burning the clothes he killed them in.
That’s right, I am gonna go hard on all them niggas. Like I said before, fuck
them all!
Now I just have to build up the will to get up off this floor, but I don’t know
how far my strength will take me. I put my all into it and manage to stand on my
feet. Little by little, I make it out of the bathroom. One step at a time, that’s
right. But you know what? I ask myself. If I want to make it to my gun, and at
the very least, kill that bitch, I’m gonna have to make a run for it. So with legs
that feel like cooked spaghetti noodles, I push my body forward. I see the gun
sitting on the table right where I left it. I’m only five feet away from it, I can do
this. I’m almost there. I’ll just kill her and take care of Jamar when I wake up.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, but as soon as I feel the blow to my head, I know that
there will be a change of plans.

*****

What the fuck just happened? How did they get loose, and who the fuck hit
me? I start to get up, and just start swinging but I hear DeeDee and Jamar
standing over me.
“Just aim the fucking gun and shot. Now, if you don’t want to do it, give it
here. I’ve been dying to shoot this dude for a while now.”
DeeDee, what the fuck is she doing here? She’s been dying to shoot me? I
actually liked her and thought we were cool. Ebony mentioned that bitch was
jealous of our relationship. Well I guess she’s going to have to die, too. Fuck,
here comes Jasmine. I need to time this right, because all three of them are
standing around me. I know Jamar’s punk ass won’t shoot me, but he might
panic when I charge DeeDee. I’ll need to take her out first, or I won’t stand a
chance.
“Plus, after what he did to your face, hell, our faces, we may never be the
same.”
I wish Jasmine would just shut the fuck up. I’m going to save her ass for last
because that bitch needs to know I’m not the one to fuck with. Just when I ball
my fist up I hear the gun go off, and feel the heat. That nigga actually shot me
not once, but twice. The third shot misses me, but my shoulder and arm are
burning so bad that I almost scream from the pain. I play dead, and let them
think they’ve won but the game isn’t over. I’ll never stop until they feel the kind
of pain that I’m feeling. I control my breathing, and wait like a tiger hunting its
prey.
I know the gun is still beside me, but it’s on the side he shot me on. I can’t
move that arm, so I’ll have to wait a little longer. They start to leave so I wait a
few more seconds and finally look up. While they’re outside I maneuver my
body so I can grab the gun with my good arm. I want to run outside and just
shoot all three of them, but I know Breeze’s nosey ass rich neighbors will wake
up to see what’s going on. It looks like I’ll have to wait to finish what I started
with Jamar and that fucking bitch that ruined my life. I hear the front door open
so I hide my hand holding the gun under my body, and lay my head back down.
 “How the fuck do I get myself in these situations? Where the fuck is my cell
phone?” I hear DeeDee talking to herself as she walks pass me. I wait until she’s
over by the table about to grab her cell phone before I make my move.
“Bobby better not give me any shit for this either, I just saved two of his top
billers.”
“DeeDee.”
I wait until she looks over at me.
“FUCK YOU.”
As I point the gun at her, her eyes damn near pop out of her head. I pull the
trigger, watch her take a few steps back, then pull it again, again, again, and
again until I see her fall to the ground. For a second there’s silence, and then I
hear a crash outside the patio. I quickly run to the patio door ready to empty the
magazine on whoever is outside. I slide the door open and see her lying there.
“PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME. I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING.”
I know this bitch is lying, but I want to know why she’s here.
“Tanya, what the fuck are you doing here, and what happened to you? You
look like you’ve had a rough ass night.”
Her face is all red, and scratched up. She also has a couple of bald spots that
look like they were caused by someone pulling a hand full of her weave out of
her head.
“Jasmine, she threw coffee in my face, and then she attacked me when I
couldn’t see. I knew she’d be here so I wanted a chance to get her back.”
“How long have you been here?”
“I just got here.”
“You’re fucking lying, bitch.”
I point the gun at her, pretending like I’m ready to kill her.
“Okay, okay, wait. I’ve been here for an hour or two. Well, I honestly don’t
know how long I’ve been here. When I first got here I saw DeeDee sneaking
around back so I followed her. When I realized she wasn’t moving, or going
inside I was stuck. I knew I wouldn’t get close to Jasmine with DeeDee around,
so I waited to see if she would leave. I knew something was wrong, so my
curiosity got the best of me. When she finally snuck inside I was able to get
close enough to see what was going on.”
“Well, you know what they say curiosity killed the cat, and you just happen
to be that dead fucking cat. I’m sorry it has to be this way, because you were
always nice to me, but it is what it is.”
I aim the gun at her ready to shoot because I can’t let her live, she will turn
me in for sure.
“WAIT, PLEASE WAIT, I PROMISE I WON’T TELL ANYONE. I
NEVER LIKED DEEDEE ANYWAY. I LISTENED TO HER TALK JAMAR
INTO SHOOTING YOU, SO SHE HAD IT COMING IF YOU ASK ME.”
She paused.
“Plus, she was mean, made fun of me, and never showed me the respect I
deserved when I worked at Fantasy Pictures.”
“Why should I let you live?” I ask for the hell of it, but my mind is pretty
much made up. She has to die.
“Because I want revenge just as bad as I know you do. Help me up, and I’ll
prove it.”
She reached her hand out for me to grab it.
“Get up yourself bitch. What the fuck I look like?”
I watch her stand up, and brush the dirt off of her dress.
“Now what, how are you going to prove it to me?”
She has a lot of convincing to do, because I’m ready to drag her in the house,
and shoot her too.
“Give me the gun. Let me finish her off.”
“BITCH, YOU MUST BE CRAZY. THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE FEELING
THIS GUN IS WHEN IT GOES OFF ON YOU.”
“Look, I know what you’re thinking. I’ll hand her the gun, and she’ll shoot
me, but you’re wrong. We can work together. You want revenge on Jamar, and I
want revenge on Jasmine. Plus, if I shoot DeeDee then both of our prints are on
the gun, and if anyone finds out we’ll both go down for her murder.”
I like the way she’s thinking. I’m definitely going to need help moving
DeeDee’s big ass since my strong arm is fucked up, but I’m nervous about
handing her the gun. On the other hand if she does shoots DeeDee then I know
she’s one hundred percent down and committed to helping me.
“TANYA, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU FUCK ME OVER AND TRY TO
MAKE A MOVE, I’M TAKING YOU OUT.”
I walk her over to DeeDee, and stand behind Tanya so I can choke the shit
out of her if she doesn’t do what she said she would. I reach forward and hand
her the gun. Without hesitation or warning she points at DeeDee and shoots her
in the face.
“See I told you,” She says as she hands the gun back in my direction. I grab
it before speaking.
“Damn, you shot her right in the dome. I couldn’t even go that hard.”
 “Well, at least she’s not getting back up like you did.”
“Oh, I put five rounds in her chest; she wasn’t getting back up.”
“So what are we going to do with her body?” she asks.
“I don’t know I didn’t think that far ahead yet, you fucked that part up when
you scared me. Plus, my shoulder is killing me right now. Do you have any
ideas?”
“We could always take her out to one of those jogging trails around here,
strip her down, and leave her naked body lying in the bushes. Maybe the police
will think one of her crazed fans stalked her, and killed her since she is sort of
famous.”
“Damn, why didn’t I think of that? Good idea, but will need to come back
and clean up this mess. I heard them say Breeze will be back in two days.”

*****

After dumping DeeDee’s body deep into the trail hoping some animals
would come along and feast on her body, or at the very least buy us a few days
before anyone found her we went back to Breeze’s house and cleaned up. I made
Tanya do most of the work, because I couldn’t do much with one arm. I tried to
clean up my wounds as best as possible since both bullets went straight through.
Once Tanya was done cleaning up everything inside, and even cleaning up the
pots she knocked over outside, we said our goodbyes.
“Thanks for helping me clean up. It doesn’t look like anything happened in
here at all. You must’ve done some shit like this before,” I say and laugh, hoping
she’ll think we’re cool.
“Well, being around the Cappello’s as much as I was, I witnessed a lot. They
definitely are the kind of men you don’t want to fuck over, and I’ll just leave it at
that.”
“Okay, well look it’s been real, but I think we need to go our separate ways.
You got my cell phone number so if you find them before I do give me a call,
and I’ll do the same. As far as being partners or going after them together, that is
out of the question. I work better alone.”
“That’s fine with me. You let me live, so I owe you my life. Take care of
them holes before they get infected.”
I watch her walk out, get in her car, and drive off. I wait a second, look
around, and make sure I don’t make the mistake of leaving anything behind like
those other dumb asses, and bounce.

*****

TWO WEEKS LATER

“I just finished unpacking all of my stuff. Are you sure Jamar isn’t coming
back home? He left a lot of his stuff behind,” Ebony asks.
“Damn, I already told you to stop tripping. He’s not coming back. He sold
me the house and told me I could have whatever he left behind.”
Damn, this bitch has only been here a week and she’s already getting on my
nerves.
“That’s just stupid. I can’t believe he left that big ass TV, his furniture, and
his paintings, he loved those. I mean I’m not complaining or anything, it just
doesn’t seem like something he would do.”
“Well apparently he came into some money, and plans to start over and buy
all new stuff.”
“Whatever, oh, well, enough about that loser. How are you feeling? Are your
wounds healing okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Tyree, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how come when the police questioned
you at the hospital, why did you tell them you didn’t know who shot you? I
could tell you were lying, because you started talking all proper and shit. You
know who shot you don’t you?”
“Of course I know who shot me. I didn’t tell the police because I’m going to
handle it myself…as soon as I fully recover.”
“Will you tell me who did it?”
“Look, chill out with the questions. I don’t want you to get involved because
who knows, they might try to kill you, too.”
I knew that would scare her and make her shut up about it. She walks over to
me and wraps her arms around my neck.
“That’s so sad. I still can’t believe DeeDee is dead. Mr. Cappello said he’s
not going to stop until he finds the sick fuck that killed her.”
I put the newspaper down on the table and turn around to face her. The more
I lie, the easier it gets.
“I know I hope he finds whoever did that, too. She didn’t deserve to go out
like that, especially after everything she did for my boo.”
I give her a quick kiss and start to get up.
“Hold up, since you’re so concerned with the news here lately, I have some
news for you.”
June, why did you have to die? I didn’t want to settle for this bitch, but a
man has needs and Ebony definitely has that area covered.
“Good news or bad news?” I ask with enthusiasm, as if I really care.
“Well, hopefully, you’ll find it to be good news.”
“Well, what is it? Spit it out already.”
She stands up straight, bashfully looks away, and then turns back to smile.
“I’m pregnant.”
Acknowledgements

Thank you from Matthew.

I want to thank my sister Rebecca, my cousins Sandy, Sherry, and Shelby,
my good friends Faye, Crystal, Alexis, Lydia, Rachel, Chelsey, and Carnell, and
everyone else who has ever read my poems, chapters, etc... and enjoyed them.
Your kind words gave me the motivation to keep writing, and for that I'm
forever grateful. Leon, thanks for giving me the inspiration I needed to finish
this book. You have no idea how much that helped, well maybe you do (smile).
Philip, for being a great friend, and letting me use your home when I needed a
quiet place to get away and write, which was quite often. Mya Ayo for creating a
hot cover, I still can't believe that's our book cover. I love it. Brandie Randolph, I
hope your good deed comes back to you, you did an amazing job, and I hope I
get to work with you again in the near future. I also have to thank my favorite
authors Donald Goines, Stephen King, Omar Tyree, James Patterson, Zane, and
Fabiola Joseph for entertaining me with your words, thoughts, imaginations, and
for inspiring me to want to try my hands at this, THANK YOU! Last but not
least, my mom, for basically helping me get over my fear of putting out this
novel, and telling me, “Fuck what people think, and say about you. If this is your
dream, and what you want to do... then do it.” I needed to hear that from YOU,
and that meant A LOT to me. I feel so much better now. I love you. Oh, and
don't be mad, because I quoted you. I mean, you did say it (smile). If I forgot
anyone, please don't take it personally. It's probably because you didn't even
know I enjoyed writing, or I simply just forgot. I still love you, though.

Thank you from Fabiola.

I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me. I’m sure I
thanked most of you in the first book, so no name dropping in this one. Well,
only for my new friends and readers, you all keep me going every day.
Thank you to the ladies of Diamond Eyes Book Club, Micole… you already
know! Erica… you really are the best! Papaya, I hope you really do like to
travel! Tracie, couldn’t have done it without you! Jeanette, you rock! I love your
taste in music! B. Weiner, thanks for always spelling words for me, lol. Readers
R Us. Sandy Barrett Sims, you are on my list. Thanks again! Carla Towns. Black
Faithful Sisters And Brothers Book Club. Norlita Brown, thanks for the honesty.
LD Hardy, such a good FB buddy! Glenda Wallace, you are good at what you
do! Thanks! Author SK, I love an author who supports others. Denise Collier, I
dream of readers such as you. Author Elizabeth LaShaun, thanks so much! I
know it’s hard to find the time, but YOU did. Brandie Davis, (hey) Thanks
again! My Urban Book Club. Mack Mama, thanks for the love! You are one of a
kind! Sharon LadyShay. Terry Benjamin. Michelle DCBR Rawls, thanks so
much. Radiah Hubbert. Malika B McLaughlin, thanks you. Brandie Randolph,
you already know that I think you ROCK! You came in and saved this book. For
that, I am so thankful! Editing Couture & More. Urban Hip-Hop & Street
Literature. Ollie Moss, Sherika Williams. Tiffany Williams. Adina Spriggs.
Sally McCargo. Adrenna Shipman. Dawn Jaspers, smile! Natoya Taylor, thanks
so much! Christopher Joseph. Mya Ayo, thanks for the cover, so sexy! AAMBC.
ARC Book Club Inc. All4One. We Read Urban Fiction. Black E-book Club.
Urban Reviews. The Daring Show Reading Club. The Sexy Situations Literary
Suite. Thank you all!
If Fabiola or Matthew left any names out, feel free to add yours here.
_______________________________________
Most likely, it was not on purpose.
 About the Authors

Matthew Ramsey was born and raised in Prince George's County, Maryland.
He currently lives in Bowie, Maryland, where he continues to write, and works
full-time as a benefits specialist.

Fabiola Joseph was raised in Silver Spring, Maryland. While in middle

school, she found her passion for reading and writing. In 2011, The Art of
Deceit, a novel about the grime that dwells behind HipHops velvet ropes, was
released. She continues to develop new stories and poems at her home in
Florida.
MattiolaWrites@yahoo.com
Both authors can be reached on Facebook, Twitter, and by the email above.