UNIT

1.11
Rewriting and
Proofreading

In exams, you have no time for rewriting, but for coursework it is important to take
time to revise your work to improve its clarity and logical development. In both
situations, proofreading is essential to avoid the small errors that may make your
work inaccurate or even difficult to understand.

1 Rewriting

Although it is tempting to think that the first draft of an essay is adequate, it is almost certain
that it can be improved. After completing your first draft, you should leave it for a day and
then reread it, asking yourself the following questions:

(a) Does this fully answer the question(s) in the title?

(b) Do the different sections of the paper have the right weight (i.e. is it well balanced)?
(c) Does the argument or discussion develop clearly and logically?
(d) Have I forgotten any important points that would support the development?

2 Practice A

You have written the first draft of a 2,000-word essay titled: ‘Assess the relevance of motivation
theories for today’s managers in assisting them to increase employee performance, using the
case of a Japanese car producer operating in the UK.’

䊏 Study the introduction to this essay opposite and decide how it could be improved,
listing your suggestions in the table.
 1.11: Rewriting and Proofreading 77

In the modern commercial society of today, the success of companies does not just
rely on the external business environment, but more importantly depends on the
internal management of human resources, due to the inseparable relationship
between employee performance and the achievement of companies. Thus, the
employees play a significant role in the development of companies, and their
performance is determined by ability, work environment and motivation.
Nowadays, organisations pay increasing attention to the importance of motivating
employees. This essay will present a clear theoretical framework of work
motivation, and then concentrate on evaluating the empirical relevance of those
theories.

Suggestions for improvement

(a) Rather short (100 words) for introduction to a 2,000-word essay

(b)

(c)

(d)

(e)

With these points in mind, the introduction could be rewritten as follows:

In the current commercial environment, the success of companies does not just rely
on the external business climate, but more importantly depends on the internal
management of human resources, due to the inseparable relationship between
employee performance and the achievement of companies (Agarwala, 2003).
Clearly, the employees play a significant role in the development and achievements
of companies, and their performance is determined by ability, work environment
and motivation (Griffin, 1990).

Consequently, employee motivation is an increasingly important concern for

companies. This essay will first present a clear theoretical framework of work
78 Part 1: The Writing Process

motivation, focusing first on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory and Herzberg’s

two-factor theory. The second section will concentrate on evaluating the empirical
relevance of those theories to the modern workplace, by analysing the measures
taken by the Japanese car producer Toyota to motivate its British employees. This
study is confined to the period from 1998 to 2012, as these are the latest years for
which accurate data can be obtained.

3 Practice B

䊏 Read the draft conclusion to the same essay and decide how it could be improved.
Rewrite the conclusion.

To conclude, it has been shown that the hierarchy of needs theory of Maslow,
Herzberg’s two-factor theory and the achievement theory of McClelland have some
relevance to the motivation of British employees. The application of these theories
has sometimes resulted in increased employee performance. Some limitations to
the application of these theories have been demonstrated. Cross-cultural problems
have arisen. Knowledge workers need different motivation methods. The older
theories of motivation are not always relevant to today’s workplace. This kind of
organisational experience needs a more up-to-date theoretical basis.

4 Proofreading

(a) Proofreading means checking your work for small errors that may make it more difficult
for the reader to understand exactly what you want to say. If a sentence has only one
error:
She has no enough interpersonal skills to handle different relationships.
it is not difficult to understand, but if there are multiple errors, even though they are all
quite minor, the effect is very confusing:
As keynes, the Bitish economic, siad, ‘In the long run . . .. we are all ded’.
Clearly, you should aim to make your meaning as clear as possible. Note that computer
spellchecks do not always help you, since they may ignore a word that is spelt correctly
but is not the word you meant to use:
Tow factors need to be considered . . .
 1.11: Rewriting and Proofreading 79

䊏 (b) Examples of the most common types of error in student writing are shown below.
In each case, underline the error and correct it.

(i) Factual: Corruption is a problem in many countries such as Africa.

(ii) Word ending: She was young and innocence . . .
(iii) Punctuation: What is the optimum size for a family business
(iv) Tense: Until the early 1980s, there were about 15 assemblers that produce
vehicles . . .
(v) Vocabulary: . . . vital to the successfulness of a company operating in China
(vi) Spelling: Pervious experience can sometimes give researchers . . .
(vii) Singular/plural: One of the largest company in Asia.
(viii) Style: . . . finally, the essay will conclude with a conclusion.
(ix) Missing word: An idea established by David Ricardo in nineteenth century.
(x) Word order: A rule of marketing which states that consumers when go out
shopping . . .

䊏 (c) The following extracts each contain one type of error. Match each to one of the
examples (i–x) above, and correct the error.

(i) Products like Tiger biscuits are well-known to kids . . .

(ii) Both companies focus on mass marketing to promote its line of products.
(iii) Failure to find the right product may lead to torment for consumers.
(iv) . . . different researchers have differently effects on the research.
(v) After the single European market was established in 1873 . . .
(vi) . . . experienced researchers can most likely come over these problems.
(vii) Firstly because, it provides them with an opportunity for borrowing capital . . .
(viii) The company selected Budapest in Hungry for setting up its development
centre.
(ix) These cases demonstrate why companies from the rest of world are eager to . . .
(x) Since 2009, few companies entered the French market . . .
80 Part 1: The Writing Process

5 Practice C

䊏 Underline the errors in the paragraph below and correct them.

Bicycle is one of most efficient machine ever designed. Cyclists can travel for times
faster than walkers; when using less enorgy to do so. There were several early
versions of the bicycle, but the first modle with pedals which was successful mass-
produced was make by a frenchman, Ernest Michaux, on 1861. Later aditions
included pneumatic tyres and gears. Today hundreds of million of bicycles are in
use all over world.