Fields of Choices

Let me share a story about my remarkable friend, Guia. We share a deep connection
as our mothers, Carmelita and Ynes, were high school classmates, and our fathers, Panchito
and Jose, have been best friends since childhood. Guia and I had aspirations to enroll in
college, but financial instability has thwarted our plans. This sudden interruption in our
educational journey has left us both anxious about what lies ahead.

We both live in Talisay, a small town in Camarines Norte, in an isolated area

surrounded by rice fields and palm trees, where life hasn't always been kind and
opportunities have been scarce, leaving its residents to face enduring challenges. Nestled in
the shadows of hardship, this place has been marked by a perpetual struggle, where the
harsh realities of life have overshadowed the prospects for prosperity, leaving its
inhabitants yearning for better opportunities. Yet, amidst the hardships, Guia has been a
beacon of positivity, always donning a radiant smile that can light up the darkest of days.

One day, I was walking on a warm, grassy, and narrow pathway toward our local
basketball court, and I saw Guia having a bond with Juanito under the shadow of the mango
tree. I had never witnessed such pure joy radiating from her before; her smile mirrored
that of a child receiving a delightful treat from a foreigner -who visits our area every
summer. Despite my friendly greeting and a beaming smile, she remained oblivious to my
presence, lost in her thoughts. I kept walking towards the basketball court to join my buddy
Aldrin, who goes by Abuk, and Al-al when his father is around. And 'Man, a cool nickname
for Emman. We hooked up with some other guys from different areas in our barangay, all
set to have a blast playing some basketball.

While we were in the midst of our basketball game, my attention was suddenly
caught by the sight of Guia's father, Panchito, stumbling drunkenly alongside Aldrin's
father, Manong Lito. Manong Lito's voice boomed as he called out to his son, "Al-al!" The
game came to an abrupt halt as Mang Lito's voice echoed, saying, "Pumarito kang bata ka!"
Abuk nervously asked, "Bakit ‘yun, Pa?" “Bakit ka pa naglalaro? Umuwi ka na at tulungan
mo ang nanay mo sa pagpapakain ng mga baboy," Hipolito sternly responded. “Pano ba yan
mga par’, bukas na lang ulit,” said to us while scratching his head then he ran home fast
feeling irritated. Then Mang Lito called me to help Mang Chito walk towards their home.

While we were walking carefully near the mango tree where Guia and Joaquin often
spent time together, being cautious not to slip on the slippery ground, Mang Chito slurred
his words and asked me, "Na-sa-an si Guia, Kin?" I glanced towards the mango tree where
Guia and Juanito usually bonded, but they were nowhere to be found. "Nasa ano ho..." I
replied, trying to think of an excuse, "...balon ho, naglalaba." "Ahh, mabuti," Mang Chito
mumbled, "kala ko kasama nanaman n’ya si Nito ehhhh." Curiosity piqued, I asked, "Bakit
ho?" hoping to uncover more. But before I could get an answer, Mang Chito suddenly
drifted into a deep slumber, his tired body giving in to the effects of alcohol. I stood there
for a moment, pondering the unfinished conversation, as the peacefulness of the
surroundings enveloped us.

As we approached the gate, I noticed Aling Carmelita standing there, her worried
expression turning into relief as she saw us. She hurriedly opened the gate and helped us
guide Mang Chito inside. The sound of crickets filled the air, creating a soothing backdrop
to the scene.

"Salamat, Kin, Lito," Aling Carmelita said with a mixture of gratitude and exhaustion
in her voice. "Nagsisimula na akong mag-alala sa kanya. Hindi siya dapat umiinom ng
ganito."

I nodded sympathetically, understanding her concern. "Sana maging maayos siya.

May iba pa ba kaming maitutulong?"

Aling Carmelita shook her head. "Wala, salamat, Kin. Ako na ang bahala dito.
Napaka-haba ng araw na ito para sa atin. Pero maraming salamat sa pag-alalay sa kanya
pauwi."
 "Walang anuman po," I assured her. "Ipaalam n’yo na lang po sa akin kung mayroon
akong magagawa. Mauuna na po ako."

As I turned to leave, my eyes caught sight of Guia walking towards us, her
expression carrying a mix of surprise and curiosity. Breaking into a smile, I greeted her,
"Kumusta na?"

Guia returned the smile and replied, "Ito ayos lang…" Then, noticing the presence of
her father, she asked, "Bakit narito ka pala, Kin?"

I chuckled lightly, realizing the need to explain the situation. "Ahh, hinatid kasi
namin ni Mang Lito si papa mo," I explained, gesturing towards Mang Chito, who had fallen
asleep earlier. "Nakatulog na kanina habang naglalakad kami."

Guia's eyes widened in surprise, but a grateful expression crossed her face.
"Salamat, Kin. Kahit papaano hindi na siya naligaw o naaksidente."

"Oo nga," I agreed, relieved that Mang Chito was safely home. "Alis na ako, Kin, Guia,"
Mang Lito interjected, making his intention to leave known.

"Sige ho, ingat," Guia and I replied in unison, our voices harmonizing
unintentionally. We couldn't help but chuckle at the synchrony of our response, lightening
the atmosphere.
 "Nga pala, hinahanap ka ng papa mo kanina…" I said to her, breaking the momentary
silence.

"Ano'ng sinabi mo?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Sabi ko, nasa balon ka, naglalaba," I replied, recalling the excuse I had given earlier.

Guia let out a sigh of relief. “Buti na lang 'di mo sinabi kasama ko si Nito, baka na-”
she paused for a moment, seemingly caught off guard by her own words. "Na ano?" I asked,
sensing there was something more.

"Ah wala," she chuckled, dismissing the thought. "Wala ka d'yan, ano nga?"

Curiosity stirred within me, but Guia's playful evasion hinted that it might be a topic
she wasn't ready to discuss just yet. Respectful of her boundaries, I decided to drop the
inquiry.

"Lah, sige mauna na ako ah?" I said to her, preparing to take my leave.

"Sige na, anong oras na pati baka paluin ka pa ni papa mo masapna ka pa," Guia
teased, a playful smile on her face.

I chuckled, knowing all too well the strictness of my father. "Ay oo nga,
mahahambalos nanaman ako ni Itay nito, paalam na!" I rushed back home and fortunately,
my father wasn’t there yet. So I prepared the fire first on the stove where I will put the pot
on it, and I prepared some rice, two cups is enough. I wash the rice in the pot thoroughly
until the water is slightly clear then I cover the pot and put it on the stove to cook.

When the rice was about to cook, someone knocked on the door, and as I opened the
door, it was Mama and Papa, Papa’s left hand was carrying a plastic bag of adobo from a
fiesta in Daet. I reached for Papa’s hand and touched it on my forehead “Mano po” I said,
then he replied “Kaawaan ka ng Diyos”, I did it also to Mama.

Just as we were about to prepare for dinner, the door swung open, and in came Ton-
ton, my six-year-old brother. His white shirt was adorned with stains of mud and dust,
evidence of his adventures outside. I quickly guided him to the bathroom, urging him to
wash up and change his clothes.

After Ton-ton was cleaned up and dressed in fresh clothes, we gathered around the
table, ready to enjoy the meal that Papa had brought from the fiesta in Daet. The aroma of
adobo filled the air, making our mouths water in anticipation. We all sat down, sharing
stories and laughter as we passed around the plates of flavorful adobo and steaming rice.

As the last morsels of food were savored and our dinner came to an end, I took the
initiative to clean up the table and gather the used plates, spoons, and glasses. Carefully, I
stacked them up, ensuring no utensils would accidentally fall and break.

With the dishes in hand, I made my way to the sink, filled it with warm, soapy water,
and began washing each item with care. The sound of water splashing and the gentle
clinking of dishes provided a soothing rhythm as I immersed myself in the task at hand.

Mama and Papa offered to help, but I insisted that they relax and enjoy their
evening. It was my way of showing gratitude for the delicious meal they had provided and
their presence in our home. Besides, I found solace in the simple act of washing dishes—it
allowed me to reflect on the day and gather my thoughts.

As I scrubbed away the remnants of our dinner, I couldn't help but think about the
uncertainties Guia and I faced regarding our education. The weight of those worries
resurfaced, but I pushed them aside for the moment, focusing on the task before me.

Gradually, the sink filled with clean dishes, their surfaces gleaming under the soft
kitchen light. I rinsed them thoroughly, ensuring no soap residue remained. With practiced
efficiency, I placed them on the drying rack, arranging them neatly so they would air dry.

With the dishes taken care of, I turned my attention to wiping down the table and
countertops, removing any spills or crumbs that had been left behind during our meal. The
scent of cleanliness mingled with the remnants of adobo, creating a pleasant atmosphere in
the kitchen.

Satisfied with my efforts, I stepped back to admire the tidy kitchen. The warmth and
satisfaction that came from completing the task filled me with a sense of accomplishment.
It was a small act of service, but it was a gesture that contributed to the harmony and well-
being of our home.

In the quiet of the evening, as I fell asleep, I reflected on the complexities of

relationships and the unspoken stories that often unfold within them. The town's
peacefulness seemed to hold secrets and untold narratives, reminding me that even in
seemingly ordinary moments, there was a world of emotions and experiences hidden
beneath the surface.

The sun had already risen when I was abruptly awakened by my mother's booming
voice echoing through the house, "Joaquin, gumising ka na! Pakainin mo na yung mga
manok ni papa mo, may laban yan bukas!" Shaking off the drowsiness, I quickly rose from
my worn-out bed and made my way to our backyard. With a bucket in hand filled with
small red beads emitting a distinct earthy and grain-like scent, I proceeded to feed our six
roosters—three Talisay breeds and three Texas breeds.
 Once the roosters were fed, I headed inside the kitchen, my stomach rumbling in
hunger. To my surprise, my younger brother, Ton-ton was in tears, searching for our father.
Just as I wondered where Papa was, he entered the kitchen, carrying a bag of pandesal—
the aroma instantly captivating my senses. I eagerly opened the paper bag, revealing a mix
of toasted pandesal, perfect to accompany a cup of coffee, and untoasted ones, ideal for
spreading margarine.

As I reached for a warm, aromatic pandesal, Papa called out to me, interrupting my
indulgence. He asked if I could run to Aling Nena's sari-sari store to buy some margarine,
knowing well that my meager funds tend to dwindle quickly. He handed me fifty pesos, and
I darted out of the house, my feet carrying me swiftly towards Aling Nena's store. And
there, standing by the store, was Guia, seemingly waiting for someone. Without hesitation, I
walked over to her, feeling a mix of excitement and curiosity.

However, I couldn't help but notice that something was off. Her demeanor had
changed, and she seemed preoccupied with something that she wasn't sharing.

Joaquin: "Guia, Napansin kong parang may nakakapagpabagabag sa iyo nitong mga
nakaraang araw. Ayos ka lang ba?"

Guia: sighs "Joaquin, Hindi ko alam kung paano ipapaliwanag. May kung anong
gumugulo sa isip ko."

Joaquin: "Alam mo namang nakakausap mo ako palagi diba? Nandito ako para
makinig at suportahan ka. Mayroon bang bagay na gumugulo sa iyo?"

Guia: pauses "Tungkol it kay Juanito. Sa tuwing nagsasalita ako tungkol sa kanya
labis akong sumasaya. Napaka-buti n’yang tao, at ang aming pinagsamahan ay wala kasing
saya. Ngunit nitong mga nakaraang araw, may mga bagay na naging kumplikado, at hindi ko
alam kung paano ito haharapin."

Joaquin: "Komplikado, Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

Guia: "Grabe ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko kay Juanito, at hindi ko

maitatanggi kung gaano ko siya kamahal. Pero may mga bagay na humahadlang sa amin.
Mahirap lamang ang aming pamilya at yung pangamba para sa aking kinabukasan... Para
bang may gumagambala sa akin."

Joaquin: "Guia, Naiintindihan ko na gusto mo ng pinansiyal na seguridad para sa

iyong sarili at sa iyong pamilya, ngunit ang tunay na kaligayahan ay hindi dapat isakripisyo.
Ano ba ‘yang mga bagay na gumagambala sa iyo?"

Guia: "Ayun, nagkikita kami ni Felipe. May kaya s’ya, at kaya niyang ibigay sa akin ang
buhay na lagi kong pinapangarap. Pero hindi ito katulad ng meron ako kay Juanito.
Pinaghihiwa-hiwalay ako nito, Joaquin. Nakonsensya ako, nalilito, at hindi ko alam kung
aling landas ang pipiliin."

Joaquin: "Nakikita ko ang hirap na pinagdadaanan mo, Guia. Hindi ‘yan madali.
Ngunit tandaan mo, ang kaligayahan ay hindi lamang tungkol sa materyal na kayamanan.
Alam ng puso mo kung ano talaga ang ninanais nito. Maglaan panahon upang pag-isipan
kung ano ang tunay na nagpapasaya sa iyo at sundin mo ang landas na iyon, anuman ang
mga hamon na maaaring ikadulot nito."

Guia: "Tama ka, Joaquin. Kailangan kong pakinggan ang aking puso at huwag hayaan
ang mga ibang tao na magdikta sa aking mga pagpipilian. Si Juanito ang laging naghahatid
sa akin ng saya at kaligayahan, at marahil iyon ang landas na dapat kong tahakin."

Joaquin: "Guia, Andito lang ako para sayo kahit anong desisyon mo. Ang iyong
kaligayahan at ikaw ang pinakamahalaga. Magtiwala ka sa iyong sarili, susuportahan kita sa
bawat hakbang na iyong tatahakin."

Guia: “Salamat, Kin. Oh s’ya sige alis na ako baka hinahanap na ako ni Papa. Paalam.”

Joaquin: “adiós...”

Whenever she spoke about Juanito, her face would light up with joy, and she would
gush about how wonderful he was. But as time went on, I could see that Guia was becoming
increasingly distant, and her joy had faded. I knew that something was wrong, but I
couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
 I was determined to help her through whatever was troubling her. I knew that Guia
had a big heart and was always putting the needs of others before her own. So, I made it my
mission to find out what was going on and how I could support her. Little did I know that
the situation was far more complicated than I could have ever imagined. Guia was torn
between her heart and her head, and the decision she had to make was not an easy one. But
I knew that no matter what she decided, I would be there for her, to listen, to offer
guidance, and to be her friend.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that I needed to purchase margarine. Feeling a bit

anxious, I approached Aling Nena to buy some. "Pabili nga po, Aling Nena," I requested.
"Ano'ng bibilhin mo, hijo?" she inquired. I replied, "Pabili po ng margarine, magkano po
'yan?" "Cuarenta y cinco, noy," she replied. I handed over a fifty-peso bill, and in return,
Aling Nena gave me the margarine along with five pesos in change.

I hurriedly made my way back home, clutching the margarine tightly. As I

approached our house, I noticed my father waiting for me on the veranda. Anxious about
his possible anger, I picked up my pace, but to my surprise, he wasn't upset. He asked,
"Bakit ang tagal mo, Kin?" I replied, "Ano po kasi, pa..." "Sige na at mag-almusal ka na, may
tira pa du'n ng tinapay," he said, urging me to have breakfast.

As I walked into the kitchen, my eyes immediately caught sight of the last three
pieces of pandesal sitting on the table. They were inviting, their golden-brown crusts
beckoning me to take a bite. A sense of anticipation and delight washed over me.

I quickly approached the table, a surge of hunger intensifying my desire for those
remaining pandesal. They were still warm, their enticing aroma filling the air. Without
wasting a moment, I reached out and gently picked up one of the pandesal, feeling its
softness in my hands.

I contemplated whether to savor it plain, relishing the simple goodness of the

freshly baked bread, or to enhance its flavor with a spread of margarine. The thought of the
creamy margarine melting into the warm pandesal was too enticing to resist.
 Carefully, I tore the pandesal apart, revealing its fluffy interior. I spread a generous
amount of margarine across the surface, watching it slowly melt and blend with the bread's
warmth. The combination of flavors promised a delightful treat.

As I took my first bite, the softness of the bread and the rich creaminess of the
margarine danced on my taste buds. It was a simple pleasure, but one that brought
immense satisfaction. Each subsequent bite reaffirmed my appreciation for the humble joy
found in fresh pandesal.

With only two pieces left, I savored each bite, cherishing the flavors and the
momentary respite it provided from the day's responsibilities. The pandesal, though
seemingly ordinary, held the power to uplift my spirits and bring a sense of comfort in its
familiar taste.

As I finished the last piece, I couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment. The
pandesal had nourished not only my hunger but also my soul, filling me with warmth and
gratitude for life's simple pleasures. With a satisfied smile, I cleaned up the kitchen,
knowing that the memory of that delicious pandesal would linger as a reminder of a
fleeting moment of bliss.

Then I remembered, that today was my grandfather’s death anniversary, so I went

to the church to light a candle for my late grandfather. As I made my way through the
church pews, I spotted Guia sitting alone, tears streaming down her face. I hurried over to
her, a mix of concern and worry in my voice as I asked, "Guia, bakit ka umiiyak? Anong
nangyari?"

She looked up at me, her eyes filled with sadness and vulnerability. "Yung Papa ko,
Kin," she whispered, her voice trembling. "Hindi siya pumapayag sa pagmamahalan namin
ni Juanito. Gusto si Felipe ang makakasama ko."

My heart sank as I listened to her. I knew how deeply she loved Juanito and how
they had always been there for each other. "Guia," I said, trying to offer comfort. "Ang pag-
ibig ay hindi dapat dinidiktahan ng iba. Ito ay tungkol sa pagsunod sa iyong sariling puso at
paghahanap ng iyong kaligayahan."
 Guia wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. "Alam ko, Kin, subalit hindi ‘yun
gano’n kadali. Napakaraming pinagdaanan namin ni Juanito, pero gusto ng tatay ko na mas
piliin ko ang yaman kaysa pag-ibig."

I nodded, understanding the weight of her dilemma. "Totoo na ang buhay ay

maaaring maging mahirap, at lahat tayo ay may iba't ibang mga priyoridad. Pero sa huli,
ang iyong kaligayahan ang pinakamahalaga. Huwag mong hayaan ang takot o ang mga
inaasahan ng iba na tukuyin ang iyong mga pagpipilian."

Guia looked at me, a mixture of determination and doubt in her eyes. "Pero paano
kung mali ang pinili ko, Kin? Paano kung magsisi ako sa huli?"

I placed my hand on her shoulder, offering support. "Guia, ang buhay ay puno ng
kawalan ng katiyakan, at hindi natin mahuhulaan ang hinaharap. Ngunit ang alam ko ay isa
kang malakas at matalinong babae. Magtiwala ka sa iyong sarili at manalig na gagawa ka
ng tamang desisyon para sa iyong sariling kaligayahan."

She let out a sigh and nodded, a glimmer of hope emerging in her eyes. "Salamat,
Kin. Kailangan ko ng taong magpapaalala sa akin niyan. Ayokong hayaang kontrolin ng takot
ang buhay ko."

We sat together in the peaceful atmosphere of the church, sharing our thoughts,
fears, and dreams. Our conversation drifted from the complexities of love to the power of
self-discovery. At that moment, I knew that whatever path Guia chose, she would find her
way to happiness and fulfillment. And I vowed to stand by her side, offering support and
friendship through it all. At that moment, I realized how much Guia meant to me and how
much I valued our friendship.

I could also sense the struggle within her. On one hand, her heart was with Juanito,
and she wanted to be with him. But on the other hand, she was facing the harsh reality of
her family's financial struggles and her dreams of a better life. Felipe represented an
opportunity for her to escape the hardships of her hometown and achieve financial
security. It was a tempting offer, and I knew that Guia was torn between her heart and her
head. I didn't want to influence her decision, but I did offer some advice. I told her that the
most important thing was to be true to herself and to follow her heart. I reminded her that
no amount of wealth or status could ever replace true love and happiness.

Over the next few days, I continued to check in on Guia, trying to be there for her as
much as I could. I could see the internal struggle she was facing, and it broke my heart to
see my best friend in such pain. I knew that whatever she decided, it would be a difficult
path for her. If she chose to be with Juanito, she would have to face her father's disapproval
and the financial struggles of their life together. If she chose to be with Felipe, she would
have to let go of her love for Juanito and try to build a life with someone who didn't have
her heart. I could see the toll that this decision was taking on her. She seemed tired and
stressed, and I could tell that she wasn't sleeping well.

As I sat with Guia, comforting her in her time of distress, I gently asked, "Guia,
nakausap mo na ba si Juanito tungkol sa desisyon mo? Siguro ay mabuti na magkaroon ka ng
isang matapat na pakikipag-usap sa kanya." She sighed deeply and replied, " Wala pa akong
lakas ng loob na kausapin siya. Alam kong madudurog ang puso niya, at ayokong nakikita
siyang nasasaktan."

I understood her dilemma, but I wanted her to consider all perspectives. "Guia,
mahalagang maging bukas at tapat ka kay Juanito. Kailangan niyang malaman ang totoo,
kahit masakit. Ang pag-iwas mo sa kanya ay magpapahaba lamang ng sakit para sa inyong
dalawa," I advised. She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes, and said, "Tama ka, Kin.
Kailangan ko siyang makausap at ipaliwanag ang desisyon ko."

I squeezed her hand reassuringly, letting her know that I was there for her every
step of the way. "Nasa tabi mo lang ako, Guia. Alam kong makakaya mo ito," I assured her.
And in that moment, I could see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, a flicker of strength that
reminded me of her resilience.

I did what I could to support her, offering her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry
on. In the end, Guia made her decision. She chose to be with Felipe, hoping that he would
provide her with the financial security and the better life that she had always dreamed of. I
could see the sadness in her eyes as she told me, and my heart ached for her.
 I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy road, but I promised her that I would
always be there for her, no matter what. And even though my heart broke for her, I hoped
that she had made the right decision and that she would find happiness in the life that she
had chosen. I felt angry and frustrated that Guia had to make such a difficult decision. It
wasn't fair that she had to choose between the man she loved and the financial security
that she desperately wanted for her family.

It was difficult for me to see Guia say goodbye to Juanito, knowing how much she
loved him. But at the same time, I respected her decision to choose Felipe for the financial
security and stability he could offer her. Despite the pain, I knew that Guia was strong and
resilient. She had always been a fighter, working hard in the rice fields to support her
family, and I believed that she would make the best of her situation. In the days and weeks
that followed, I saw Guia slowly start to regain her confidence and joy. Felipe treated her
well, taking her on trips and buying her gifts, and I could see the positive impact it was
having on her life. Although I still felt a tingle of sadness for what could have been with
Juanito, I was happy to see Guia happy. She deserved the best in life, and I hoped that she
had found it with Felipe.

As Guia began her journey into a new life with Felipe, Juanito's presence gradually
receded from our daily existence. He continued to work in the rice fields, dedicating himself
to his family and his responsibilities. From what I heard through mutual friends, Juanito
was heartbroken by Guia's decision but chose to respect her choice. He poured his energy
into his work, finding solace in the familiar rhythms of the fields.

It was clear that Juanito had a deep love for Guia, but he also understood that
sometimes love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship. He focused on building a future
for himself, hoping that one day he would find happiness and someone who truly
appreciated him. Although our paths crossed less frequently, I still caught glimpses of
Juanito's resilience and determination. He remained a beloved member of our community,
and his warm smile and friendly demeanor continued to brighten the days of those around
him. As time passed, we all carried a sense of bittersweet nostalgia for the love story that
never fully blossomed, but we also held onto the belief that life had a way of guiding us to
where we needed to be.