Orgasmic Mastery -- A Course for Men

Week 1: Finding Your Normal

Getting Started
When embarking upon a new journey, it’s helpful to clearly assess your starting point. What’s
your standard, baseline experience of self-pleasure? Chances are you have some sort of pattern
or habit. Maybe you built up to this pattern or habit gradually over time, or maybe you created it
in adolescence or even pre-adolescence.
Your first homework assignment is to bring your awareness to your current masturbation
practices and find your normal. Below is questionnaire that will help you to reflect on your
current habits. Later on in the course you will explore what your habits are with a partner.
Your PC Muscle – Key to Orgasmic Mastery
Your PC (pubococcygeus) muscle is crucial to your ability to master your orgasms, so we’re
going to start learning about it right away. The PC muscle is quite long and extends from your
pubic bone down around the base of your cock all the way between down to your anus. It
surrounds your anal sphincter and attaches to your coccyx, or tailbone. The etymology is as
follows: pubo = pubic bone, coccygeus = coccyx, or tailbone, thus the name pubococcygeus. It’s
a pretty big muscle!
The PC muscle is sometimes known as the sex muscle. Strengthening your PC muscle using
Kegel exercises might be the single most important thing you can do to improve your sex life.
Dr. Arnold Kegel developed the eponymously-named Kegel exercises in the 1950s. As a
gynecologist, he sought to help women gain strength in order to facilitate smoother childbirths.
The exercises proved to be incredibly effective, but they also had this unexpected side effect: the
women started reporting an easier time having orgasms! They had more orgasms, better orgasms,
stronger orgasms, and multiple orgasms. If you do an internet search on Kegel exercises, most of
what you’ll find relates to women.
When I was 19 years old I started exploring Kegel exercises, which I like to call PC pull-ups, and
have been doing them off and on for 12 years since. When you first start doing your PC pull-ups,
you may find that your PC muscles are really weak. It may be uncomfortable, maybe even
painful or sore to try playing with these exercises. It’s like working with any weak muscle: don't
overdo it! Start off slowly, and build up over time. Just like going to the gym – when you go to
the gym for the first time, you're not going to come home and suddenly be super buff. But, if you
start going and create a regular workout routine where you are dong this on a consistent basis, in
a couple of months you are going to see a significant change.
So why should you do Kegels? Why should you create a greater connection to having stronger
PC muscles? Kegel exercises help you to gain:
*stronger erections;
*stronger, more powerful orgasms;
*the ability to shoot further when you ejaculate;
*the muscle control needed to have non-ejaculatory orgasms;
*male multiple orgasms.
These are some pretty damned good reasons!
The next time that you go to the bathroom, practice stopping the stream of urine. The muscle you
are using to do that is part of your PC muscle. Try doing it repeatedly: pee, stop the flow, and do
it again. Gain consciousness of which muscles you are using. This might be easy or challenging.
Or maybe it even burns. If that's the case, then you are starting with a relatively weak PC muscle.
Don't despair! This simply means you need to give it more attention. Once you have this
awareness of your PC muscle, you don't need to do that in the same way every time you urinate,
only initially to get the hang of it. Some doctors say it’s not healthy to interrupt urine flow
repeatedly, but in small doses it poses little risk. Once you are aware, and once you know what it
feels like to squeeze that muscle, you can squeeze that muscle anytime. Try it right now. Tune
into the muscle and contract the pelvic floor.
Another way for you to get in touch with your PC muscle is to sit on your heels if you are
flexible enough to do so. Sit such that your heel is on your taint - the area between your anus and
your genitals, also know as the perineum. Alternatively, use your middle three fingers to press
into that spot. Now try to squeeze the muscles that you feel against your fingers or your heel. If
you feel something contracting, there you go – that's your PC muscle. Just give it a squeeze a
few times and see how hard you can squeeze it. Try to do a three second long squeeze, and then
release.

I recommend you practice your Kegel exercises multiple times throughout the day in order to
have a strong PC muscle. This is the key gaining orgasmic mastery, and having full control over
your ejaculation. When you have a strong PC muscle, you will be able to squeeze in order to
keep yourself from ejaculating; instead of releasing semen, you will be able to move that energy
throughout your body.
Breath and Orgasmic Mastery
Breath also plays a powerful role in learning orgasmic mastery. Breathing is usually an
unconscious exercise, something that we rarely think about it. Breathing is one of those rare
bodily functions that can be controlled both unconsciously and consciously. If we want to, we
can choose how to breathe – how fast, how deeply, and whether we breathe into the chest or the
belly. You can take shallow, slow breaths, or rapid and deep breaths.
To help you gain orgasmic mastery, it can be useful to slow down the breath, and bring the breath
deeply into the belly. Place your hands on your belly and feel it expand as your inhale. You can
think of your entire internal body cavity as being like a balloon. As you inhale, you are blowing
up that balloon, but the balloon doesn't just expand forward in your belly. Your ribcage can
expand outward in every direction. Place your hands on your ribs on the sides and see if you can
use your breath to expand your ribs outward, towards your hands. Now place your hands on your
back and see if you can breathe into your back, which will expand your ribcage out towards your
backside. Now place your hands on your belly, expanding outward.

Week 1 Homework:

First, answer these questions about your masturbation habits:

Why do you masturbate?

How long do your sessions typically last?

What are your habits with masturbation?

How has masturbation changed for you throughout your life?

How do you touch/pleasure yourself? Which parts of your body do you touch? How much
focus/attention do you put on different parts of your body?

Do you use your right hand? Your left hand? Both hands?

Do you use lube, toys, or anything else?

What do you think about when you masturbate? Do you fantasize?

Do you use porn or other external sources of stimulation?

What is the setting usually like? Lighting, mood, fragrance, music, etc.?

Do you ever masturbate with a partner? If so, how is that different from or similar to solo
masturbation?

What quality and quantity of pleasure do you derive from masturbation? Does this vary from
session to session? If so, what accounts for the variation?

If you were to put it into words, how would you describe what your orgasms feel like?

Are you silent while you masturbate? Do you make any kinds of sounds? What kinds of sound?
Just when you cum? Throughout? Neither?

How do you feel after you cum? Tired? Drained? Peaceful? Invigorated? Something else?

For you, is ejaculation and orgasm the same or different? Explain.

What do you do that makes masturbation more enjoyable and fulfilling?

What do you do that makes masturbation less enjoyable and fulfilling?

Next, carve some time out for yourself and masturbate as you usually do.
Only this time, intentionally check in with yourself regularly throughout to notice things like:

Notice how you are breathing before you start. Describe:

Notice how your breathing changes (if at all) as you get more aroused. Describe:

Notice how your breathing changes as you orgasm. Describe:

Notice how your breathing is post-orgasm. Describe:

Where did you feel your orgasm? In your genitals? In other parts of your body?

What did you notice about this particular session that is different from what you already wrote
above about your general masturbation habits?
Finish these sentences...

Masturbation is...

I wish masturbation would be…

I find it challenging to admit to myself about my masturbation that…

Kegel Muscle homework:

Check out Destin's youtube video on Kegel muscle exercises:

Do 25 fast squeezes, and 1 set of 10 slow squeezes, twice per day.

Tip for slow squeezes: When you curl with a dumbbell, you want to be controlled in how fast
you curl up and down. With PC muscle, you don't do a slow controlled squeeze in and then
release it instantly - make it a slow release as well as a slow squeeze.
Personal Accountability
Be sure to print out the spreadsheet below to keep track of your progress!