Two little boys were on their way home from school.

One started jokingly hitting the other with his

heavy bag on the head while calling him a chicken because he kept avoiding the bag and stepping back.
However, his friend wasn’t affected, he stood proudly while he received another strong slap on his face
that knocked him to the ground. Then, despite him struggling, he said confidently that he is not a
coward.

Yes, he is not a coward, because a coward would likely have avoided the situation altogether. This boy
behaved like a man; he was already on his way to transitioning into a man, starting to facing hardships
and hiding fears and pain.

Women often look at men as a complex problem that needs to be solved. They see men as machines
that doesn’t know how to communicate, express their feelings and lack commitment and empathy. But
without knowing and understanding boys, it is impossible to understand why men behave like this, why
they find it difficult to make friends and open up about their feelings and fears.

Boys live in their own world, with their own unspoken rules and values known as Code of Conduct: don’t
be overly good, never snitch, don’t show fear, challenge yourself, don’t ask for help, don’t show so much
empathy, avoid discussing important things with others, talk only about funny and useless topics.

Boys are praised for being tough. They avoid doing activities that makes them look weird like reading
and befriending girls, because they don’t like to be seen as someone strange.

At first, boys are supposed to take care of themselves. I recall a fight I had in fifth grade when I hit a
larger boy named Barry to get the last cartoon of chocolate milk in the cafeteria. After, he was mocked
by his friends, this boy wanted revenge on me. Our fight ended with me getting injured while my friends
watched from afar. When I returned home, my mother was horrified seeing my face. I kept silent until
my father came home, then I confessed begging them to not interfere. They only called Barry’s parents
who was restricted from watching television for a week.

Barry and his friends followed me the next day calling me a rat. They waited for me after school, even
though I tried avoiding them by changing my routes but it didn’t help. I was ashamed of admitting I was
scared. My best friend told me harshly that I was the one who asked for this.

I asked my older cousin for help. He accompanied me home from school and when Barry’s gang showed
up, my cousin threatened them and warned them not to harass me again or he will kill them. After they
left, my cousin burst out laughing, he couldn’t believe I was afraid of them while they barely reached his
waist.

Men often remember the lack of mercy they received as boys, which may explain why it’s difficult for
them to show any. “Lots of men had happy childhood but none of them have happy memories of how
they were treated by other boys, because they start competing with each other from third grade and
onward”, says a friend. Another friend added that it’s never safe to admit you’re scared when you learn
to hide your emotions. His girlfriend always wonder why he doesn’t express his feelings, he improved
but it will never become naturally.

It is clear for all of us that the lessons boys learn impact their behavior as men. Men are expected to be
more sensitive but they avoid the whole idea. They struggle to construct their lives but will never admit
they are in trouble or they need help. They desire love, affection and support but don’t know how to
request them. They hide their fears from everyone. They avoid intervening with others’ troubles and
they still don’t want to be seen as weird.

Some men become sensitive when they experience a loss, like when they lose their jobs or their
partners. While others learn it from strong marriages and children. However, it may take a lot of time
before male culture change and before men start teaching other boys from their significant experiences
rather than just teaching them how to throw a curveball.

Last month, while I was walking my dog near my house, I witnessed three boys surrounding a fourth
who was skinny and seemed scared. They were laughing and pushing him. The boy fell backward and
the others boys run away. But the little boy got up and headed towards the swings with tearing eyes and
while struggling. I asked him how he was doing, he said quickly “fine” and started to swing.