Transcript

Ngofeen: On a spring day in 2017, Corporal Vincent-Gabriel

Lamarre, a member of the Canadian Armed Forces, received new
marching orders. He grabbed the keys to a military truck and set off to
do what he loved most: help a community in need.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’adore mon métier. Chaque fois que j’ai une

mission, je suis fier de pouvoir l’accomplir. Ce printemps-là, il y a eu
des inondations graves au Québec. Beaucoup de gens avaient besoin
d’aide. Aider les gens, c’est ma passion.

Ngofeen: In the province of Quebec, spring floods had caused major

damage and evacuations. The Canadian Armed Forces had been called
in to support the relief efforts. Vincent, an experienced military driver
who had served in Afghanistan, was tasked with transporting
materials and soldiers to the area.

Vincent-Gabriel: Je mesure un mètre soixante, alors je suis l’un des

plus petits de mon unité. Mais je sais très bien conduire les gros
véhicules militaires, même dans des conditions difficiles. Depuis ma
mission en Afghanistan, j’ai beaucoup d’expérience comme chauffeur.

Ngofeen: As he settled at the wheel of his truck and prepared to head

out, Vincent started feeling nervous. He knew he was about to meet
people from a base where he had worked at the beginning of his
career…and the soldiers from his former base knew him under a
different identity: as a woman.

Vincent-Gabriel: Je suis enfin moi-même, et je suis enfin heureux.

Vincent, c’est ma vraie identité. J’ai appris à m’accepter et à m’aimer
comme je suis. Mais à ce moment-là, dans le camion, j’avais peur
d’être jugé.

Ngofeen: Bienvenue and welcome to the Duolingo French Podcast.

I’m Ngofeen Mputubwele. Every episode, we bring you fascinating
true stories to help you improve your French listening and gain new
perspectives on the world.

The storyteller will be using intermediate French, and I’ll be chiming

in for context in English. If you miss something, you can always skip
back and listen again. We also offer full transcripts
at podcast.duolingo.com.

In this episode, Vincent speaks French with a Canadian accent, so you

may notice that some words ending in certain vowel sounds, like the
“e-u-x” in “nerveux,” have an added “r” sound at the end, sounding
more like this:

Vincent-Gabriel: Je suis nerveux.

Ngofeen: When Vincent was born in 1986, his parents baptised him
Virginie. But from a very early age, something felt off to him. He felt
he was not born in the right body.

Vincent-Gabriel: Depuis l’âge de trois ans, je savais que je n’étais

pas dans le bon corps. Ce sentiment venait, puis repartait. Mais je ne
savais pas quoi faire.

Ngofeen: When he enlisted in 2008, Vincent was 22 years old and he

was still living as Virginie, an openly gay woman. Gay men and women
had been serving openly in Canada since 1992. Vincent could not wait
to start his new career.

Vincent-Gabriel: L’armée m’avait toujours attiré. Je rêvais d’être

dans l’action. Je voulais un métier de combat, mais les métiers de
combat sont très exigeants physiquement.

Ngofeen: Vincent could choose from a range of military careers. But

he doubted his ability to handle a hard core combat job, so he picked
the next best thing: driving trucks.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’ai commencé l’entraînement militaire. Au début,

c’était très difficile. Tous les jours, à quatre heures du matin, on
courait autour de la base militaire. J’avais envie de vomir, mais je n’ai
jamais pensé à abandonner. J’ai appris les valeurs essentielles de la vie
de soldat, et j’ai compris que j’avais fait le bon choix.

Ngofeen: On graduation day, as he marched in the military parade,

Vincent saw his family in the first row of the audience. His mother, his
sister… Even his grandmother was there, glowing with pride. She said
she was in heaven, or as they say in Canadian French, elle était aux
petits oiseaux, she was with the birds.

Vincent-Gabriel: Ma grand-mère me disait souvent qu’elle rêvait de

prendre un soldat dans ses bras. Alors, elle était aux petits oiseaux.
Comme elle, j’étais vraiment heureux.

Ngofeen: But when Vincent started his professional training as a

driver, he struggled. His first day on the job, the giant truck he drove
broke down. He felt like the men in his battalion were second-guessing
his ability because when they looked at Vincent, all they saw was
Virginie—a woman.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’étais frustré. Les autres soldats me considéraient

comme moins qualifié, et moins fort. Et je le sentais. C’était un
cauchemar.

Ngofeen: Shortly after starting his job, Vincent learned he would be

deployed to Afghanistan. He joined a new training unit, a small, tight-
knit group of 40 people. In jest, his superior gave him a nickname, un
surnom: “Ti-Gars,” short for “petit garçon,” or “little boy.”

Vincent-Gabriel: Pour mon supérieur, dire « Ti-Gars », c’était juste

une blague. C'était un peu sexiste ce surnom, mais moi, je l’adorais.
Pour l’unité, je suis devenu Ti-Gars. Ce surnom m’a aidé à me sentir
mieux. Je me suis senti accepté. J’étais devenu un frère d’armes.

Ngofeen: Everything was clicking at work, but Vincent still felt like
something was off—something inside him. Like his body and his mind
didn’t fit together. He started searching the Internet, looking up
information about gender identity. He found a support group for trans
people, and he wrote them an email.
Vincent-Gabriel: J’avais toujours ce sentiment de vivre dans un
corps qui ne correspondait pas avec ma tête. Ce sentiment me faisait
souffrir de plus en plus. Je savais que je devais faire quelque chose.
J’ai écrit à ce groupe, et ils m’ont proposé un appel téléphonique.

Ngofeen: But Vincent wasn’t ready to share his most secret thoughts
with a stranger over the phone. He was about to leave for Afghanistan
and knew he might not come back alive. For Vincent, the thought of
losing his life for his country seemed easier than confronting his
problems. Still, saying goodbye to his family was hard.

Vincent-Gabriel: C’était étrange. D’un côté, j’étais très triste, parce

que je voyais peut-être ma famille pour la dernière fois. D’un autre
côté, j’étais rassuré. Je sentais que ma vie n’était plus entre mes mains.
Ma vie était entre les mains du destin.

Ngofeen: Forty-eight hours later, in the middle of the night, Vincent

landed in Afghanistan. As he stepped out of the military cargo plane,
he felt the intense heat and sand hit his face. This was the life of
military service he had longed for.

Vincent-Gabriel: En Afghanistan, je conduisais des véhicules

militaires lourds. C’était des camions de presque 40 tonnes. Les
distances entre les bases étaient courtes, mais les routes étaient en très
mauvais état. Parfois, nous étions sur la route toute la journée. C’était
dangereux.

Ngofeen: Soon, Vincent was transferred to a base closer to the front.

His first mission was dangerous: driving a transport truck filled with
10,000 liters of diesel. The roads were bad, and a false move could
lead to an explosion. Vincent knew that the combat unit was watching
him, waiting to see if he measured up.

Vincent-Gabriel: Ces camions sont très instables, mais je n’avais

pas peur d’avoir un accident. Ce qui me faisait très peur, c’était de ne
pas être accepté par l’unité de combat.

Ngofeen: Vincent sat behind the wheel of the armored truck and set
off on a dangerous road. He was determined to show the combat unit
what he was capable of. He started experimenting with all sorts of off-
road maneuvers, at full speed. The combat team was impressed.

Vincent-Gabriel: Ils ont vu que je n’avais pas peur. Petit à petit, ils
ont adopté mon surnom préféré : Ti-Gars. Je me suis beaucoup
attaché à cette unité. Je voyais que notre travail était important pour
les habitants, pour la mission canadienne en Afghanistan.

Ngofeen: During his service there, Vincent often accompanied his

unit to military medical clinics in small villages. As Virginie, the unit’s
only woman, Vincent was relied upon to perform security checks on
women and children who needed care.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’étais essentiel pour ces femmes et ces enfants. Je

les aidais à obtenir des services médicaux. Ça, c’était un sentiment très
fort. Je réalisais mon objectif : concrètement, j’aidais à changer les
choses. Tous les jours, j’étais impatient de sortir de la base pour aller
remplir ma mission. Je ne pensais plus à mes problèmes d’identité.

Ngofeen: After eight months in Afghanistan, Vincent returned home,

to Canada. It was a difficult transition, going from military to civilian
life. One day, Vincent was at the grocery store, l’épicerie, pushing his
cart in the produce section, when he heard a man complain about the
bananas.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’étais furieux. J’avais envie de dire à cet homme :

« Vous ne réalisez pas la chance que vous avez. » Avant, aller à
l’épicerie, c’était une activité banale. Mais maintenant, pour moi,
c’était devenu insupportable.

Ngofeen: Afghanistan had opened Vincent’s eyes to the world’s

struggles…but it hadn’t solved his personal ones. He was back home,
he had a girlfriend, a military career he loved. From the outside,
everything looked perfect. But the weight inside him? It was growing
heavier.

Vincent-Gabriel: Quand je suis parti en Afghanistan, je pensais que

je ne reviendrais peut-être jamais. Mais j’étais de retour. Ma vie était
la même, et mes problèmes aussi. Je vivais une double vie. C’était
comme si j’étais une belle pomme rouge à l’extérieur. Mais à
l’intérieur, j’étais en train de me décomposer.

Ngofeen: In 2014, Vincent decided it was time to finally contact the

support group he had discovered before leaving for Afghanistan. They
invited him to come to a meeting. In person.

Vincent-Gabriel: Quand je suis arrivé, les gens m’ont demandé quel

nom et quel pronom je voulais utiliser. Je ne m’attendais pas à cette
question, mais j’ai répondu tout de suite : « Vincent. Il. Lui. » Je
devais laisser Virginie derrière moi.

Ngofeen: That night, Vincent heard testimonials from transgender

men and women. When the meeting ended, he stayed to chat with
other participants…and everyone in the group called him Vincent.

Vincent-Gabriel: C’était incroyable. J’ai pensé : « Toute ma vie, c’est

ça que je voulais. » Ce soir-là, j’ai appris beaucoup de choses sur la
transition de genre. Pour la première fois, j’ai réalisé que c’était une
possibilité.

Ngofeen: Vincent kept going to the support group every month—and

it helped him a lot. But between meetings, the struggle continued. One
night, he came home feeling particularly upset. He went down to his
basement…and trashed it.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’ai détruit la pièce. J’étais en colère contre la vie.

Je me sentais seul. Je savais que je devais accepter mon identité, mais
cela avait beaucoup de conséquences. Cette transition allait changer
ma vie, et je devais l’annoncer à ma famille, et à mes supérieurs dans
l’armée.

Ngofeen: Breaking the news to his family, to the Armed Forces. That
felt different than coming out as a lesbian. Coming out as trans was,
frankly, far less common. Vincent was afraid he’d lose his job. But he
continued to learn about different paths for transgender people,
including surgical treatments, traitements chirurgicaux.
Vincent-Gabriel: Mon docteur et moi, nous en sommes arrivés à la
conclusion qu’une transition de genre était un bon choix pour moi.
J’étais prêt à changer de nom. Je voulais suivre un traitement
hormonal et des traitements chirurgicaux.

Ngofeen: On the day of his 28th birthday, in 2014, Vincent parked

his car in front of his sister's house. He told his sister he wanted to talk
to her, and they went for a walk together.

Vincent-Gabriel: Tout de suite, elle a compris que c’était sérieux. Je

lui ai tout raconté. Elle m’a laissé parler, puis elle m’a pris dans ses
bras.

Ngofeen: His sister admitted she was worried about the risks of the
surgeries, but she agreed to help him tell their mother. His mother
told Vincent she had suspected all along, and that she would support
him. And she agreed to tell her mother, Vincent’s beloved 81-year-old
grandmother.

Vincent-Gabriel: J’étais très proche de ma grand-mère, mais elle

était très religieuse, et j’avais peur de sa réaction. Quand ma mère lui a
raconté, ma grand-mère a commencé à rire, et elle lui a dit : « Je le
savais ! »

Ngofeen: Vincent’s mother and grandmother felt they’d known, deep

down, all along, that their beloved Virginie really identified as a man.
Vincent realized they’d accepted him long before he was able to accept
himself. Yet it was still a bit hard for his grandmother to call him by
his new name, and to use the right pronouns.

Vincent-Gabriel: Mais elle s’est habituée à mon nouveau nom et à

mes nouveaux pronoms. Elle m’a appelé Vincent jusqu’à sa mort, en
2018.

Ngofeen: Vincent still dreaded telling the Canadian Armed Forces

about his transition. He didn’t know of anyone who was trans in the
military. And he had never heard of anyone transitioning while serving
in the military.
Vincent-Gabriel: Je n’étais pas sûr de pouvoir faire cette transition
dans l’armée. Beaucoup de choses pouvaient avoir un impact sur mon
travail. Je ne savais pas du tout comment les Forces Armées allaient
réagir.

Ngofeen: Vincent’s contract was almost up for renewal. It meant it

would be very easy for the Armed Forces to let him go. Vincent asked a
superior he trusted for advice.

Vincent-Gabriel: C’était la première fois que je parlais de mes

problèmes d’identité avec quelqu’un dans l’armée. Mais je faisais
confiance à mes supérieurs. Et je faisais confiance à ce supérieur-là en
particulier.

Ngofeen: Vincent’s superior told him that he supported him, but the
decision still had to make its way up the chain of command. One day,
Vincent was called, convoqué, to his base’s orderly room, la salle des
rapports, reserved for administrative business.

Vincent-Gabriel: Mes supérieurs ne m’ont pas dit pourquoi j’étais

convoqué. Mon cœur battait très fort. La salle des rapports était à
l’extrémité de la base. En allant là-bas en voiture, j’étais en panique. Je
me suis dit : « Ça y est. Ils vont arrêter mon contrat parce que je suis
trans. »

Ngofeen: Vincent walked into the orderly room. A corporal handed

him some papers. The other corporals looked at him with serious
faces, and then one of them asked him: “Would you like to renew your
contract for 8 or 25 years?”

Vincent-Gabriel: Je n’arrivais pas à y croire. D’abord, j’ai ri. Puis,

j’ai pleuré de joie. Mon contrat allait être renouvelé. J’ai répondu sans
hésiter : « 25 ans ! »

Ngofeen: The military officially approved Vincent’s gender

transition. Over the following months, Vincent would change his
uniform, and start hormonal therapy. But first, he needed to tell his
fellow soldiers.
Vincent-Gabriel: Dans l’ensemble, les gens ont bien réagi. Certaines
personnes me demandaient : « Caporal Lamarre, est-ce que c’est vrai,
ce qu’on raconte sur toi ? » D’autres me posaient des questions
intimes. Ça ne me dérangeait pas, et j’ai toujours accepté de répondre
à ces questions. Moi aussi, j’ai dû apprendre avant de comprendre.

Ngofeen: The hormonal therapy changed everything for Vincent. It

wasn’t easy at first, but slowly, Vincent started seeing his body change.
He grew facial hair, he gained muscle, and eventually, his voice
changed.

Vincent-Gabriel: Au début, mon humeur était très instable. Mais

après un an et demi, ma voix est devenue plus grave. C’était
merveilleux ! Et avec ma barbe, personne ne se trompait de pronom.
J’avais l’impression de renaître.

Ngofeen: In 2015, Vincent had decided he was ready for surgery. It

would take a total of five surgeries before he completed his physical
transition. But with each surgery, he felt a little closer to his true self.

Vincent-Gabriel: Les opérations chirurgicales sont délicates. À

chaque étape, le processus devient de plus en plus irréversible. Mais
après chaque opération, je me sentais plus léger.

Ngofeen: That feeling of not being in the right world, in the right
body—it all went away after Vincent’s surgeries. And it didn’t come
back. By the time Vincent joined the flood relief operations in Quebec
in the spring of 2017, he had a new voice and a new beard. But it was
the first time he would see former colleagues since his transition.

Vincent-Gabriel: Je conduisais mon camion tout seul, vers un

endroit complètement inconnu. J’ai eu peur de faire une erreur, et que
les autres soldats se moquent de moi. J’ai senti la même pression
qu’au début de ma carrière. Mais j’étais prêt à affronter mes anciens
collègues.

Ngofeen: When he got his truck to the meeting point, the soldiers
guided him to a parking spot without even noticing. Nobody called
him “Madame.” And when someone finally did recognize him, they
simply said:

Vincent-Gabriel: « C’est bien que tu aies pris cette décision, que tu

affirmes ton identité. Bravo. » J’étais vraiment surpris et soulagé.
Entendre ça, ça m’a donné une nouvelle perspective.

Ngofeen: Today, Vincent is getting ready to pursue a new career in

the Canadian Armed Forces: as a medical technician.

Vincent-Gabriel: C’est mon nouveau rêve. Je suis impatient de

continuer ma carrière dans les Forces Armées. Cela va donner un
nouveau sens à ma vie. Je vais pouvoir aider encore plus de gens, et
surtout, toujours rester qui je suis : moi-même.

Ngofeen: Corporal Vincent-Gabriel Lamarre is a driver in the

Canadian Armed Forces. He tells his story at conferences to help
families and employees understand gender identities. You can learn
more about his journey in the documentary film “Ti-gars.” A link to
the film is available on our website.

This story was produced by Martine Chaussard, a producer based in

Atlanta.

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