OPRAH DAILY INSIDERS ROUNDTABLE, HOSTED BY GAYLE KING

MODERN

ADAMS: RAUL ROMO. KING: MICHELE CROWE⁄©2021 CBS BROADCASTING, INC. BARRYMORE: BEN WATTS⁄CBS MEDIA VENTURES.

TAYSHIA GAYLE DREW

ADAMS KING BARRYMORE

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DATING
D
oesn’t it seem like the
rules of dating are
constantly changing?
The etiquette surrounding how
you are supposed to interact
with a potential flame is ever
evolving, as is how you’re
supposed to meet new people.
And don’t even get us started
on the thousands of dating
apps now available. So, the
question is this: If you’re
single, how are you supposed
to find the right person?
To discuss these very things
and more, Gayle King sat down
with actor and talk show host
Drew Barrymore, cohost of The
Bachelorette Tayshia Adams,
and dating experts Matthew
Hussey and Logan Ury. Each of
them has a distinct perspective
on what it takes to find love
nowadays. Keep reading for a
preview of their talk, then head
to oprahdaily.com/dating-
roundtable to view the entire
conversation.

Finding
“The One”
Gayle: Matthew, you’re recently
URY: HINGE. HUSSEY: CINDY ORD⁄GETTY IMAGES.

engaged. How did you know your

fiancée was “The One”?
LOGAN MATTHEW
Matthew: It was the first time I
URY HUSSEY
didn’t need to go and ask my
friends’ opinions. Asking my
friends and family was always this
sign that I was unsure. This was
the first time I didn’t need that
validation. I was just excited to
inform everyone that I had found
my person.

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It’s Hard to Date!
Gayle: Logan, I want to start with you.
In the past, you’ve said something that
really resonated with me. You said love is
natural, but dating is not. Why is dating
so hard?
Logan: We are born knowing how to love—
anyone who has a kid knows this. So loving
is not a new skill, but dating is. Dating
started around 1890, and dating apps are
only about 10 years old. As for why dating is
so hard right now? One reason is that we
have so many options—there’s an
overwhelming sense of choice.
Gayle: Drew, you’re a household name.
You walk down the street and people know
you. Do you think dating is hard?
TAYSHIA ADAMS is a
television personality and
host. She first appeared as a
contestant on The Bachelor
before becoming the
Bachelorette in 2020. After
that, she went on to cohost
The Bachelorette.
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We are born knowing
how to love—anyone
with a kid knows this.
So loving is not a new
skill, but dating is.
Putting
Yourself
Out There
Gayle: Drew, you recently did
something that I thought was so
bold—will you share what you did?
Drew: I was in Central Park, and
I saw a man I found attractive. I
followed him, and I just went in
and said, “Excuse me. I’m so sorry
to bother you, but I saw you and
I felt compelled to come up and
ask you a question. Are you
Drew: I never think I’m anybody when I single?” He said, “Perhaps.” To
walk down the street—I’m just as much of a which I said, “Are you gay? I only
romantic as anybody else. I’m in the phase ask because I tend to bark up the
HUSSEY: CINDY ORD⁄GETTY IMAGES. URY: LOGAN URY. KING: MICHELE CROWE⁄©2021 CBS BROADCASTING, INC.
of being a woman who has kids and isn’t wrong tree.” He wasn’t. I was so
looking to get married. I’ve looked at dating shy. I was also wearing a full
through several lenses in my life. I think that mask. So I pulled it off and told
dating differs depending on where you are him it was nice to meet him, and
at and what you are looking for. we got to talking.
Gayle: Tayshia, what about you? Matthew: I absolutely love it.
Tayshia: I think dating is very hard. Hi, I We go through life killing our
dated 20 guys at once—it’s hard! I know chances by overthinking
what I offer. I know what I deserve. And I everything we do. And the fact
agree with you, Drew—it depends where you that Drew did something instead
are in life to really decipher if dating is hard of nothing—it’s wonderful.
or not. But I’m sorry, I don’t want to go on a
million dates to find my guy.
DREW BARRYMORE is an MATTHEW HUSSEY is a LOGAN URY is a
actor, the host of The Drew motivational speaker and behavioral scientist
Barrymore Show on CBS, and a a dating expert. He has turned dating coach. She
mom of two little girls. She appeared on numerous is also the director of
is also the cofounder of Flower television shows, including relationship science at the
Beauty and Flower Home. Entertainment Tonight and dating app Hinge. In 2021,
In late 2021, she released her Today. His book, Get the Guy, is Logan released her book,
book Rebel Homemaker. a New York Times bestseller. How to Not Die Alone.

Let’s Talk About the Spark
Gayle: Logan, you say that even if the first
date wasn’t great, you should consider a
second. Why?
Logan: We’ve been trained to think the first
date should be instant fireworks. I’ve had
clients who say they had a great time, the
conversation was good, but they’re not
going to see that person again because they
didn’t feel a spark. We’ve become obsessed
with the spark. But some of the best people
in my life—the most strong, the most
compassionate, the most loyal—are not
sparky people. So think about who you want
on your team. Do you want the superstar?
No. My husband is such a good partner for
me. But he’s an introverted scientist—he’s
not the sparkiest person.
Drew: I agree. I think the hardest part
about dating, for me, is how virtual it has
become. I don’t have to be brave anymore,
and it has really screwed us up. I find the
behavior of people in the dating app world
to be so unaccountable. It’s like shooting
BARRYMORE: BEN WATTS⁄CBS MEDIA VENTURES. ADAMS: JOHN FLEENOR⁄GETTY IMAGES.
the conversations
fish in a barrel. You can have an exchange
on an app and it fizzles into nothing. So
even getting to a spark or a slow burn is
What Type of
challenging.
Gayle: Tayshia, do you look for a spark?
Dater Are You?
Tayshia: No. I feel like if it’s a spark, it’s
Gayle: Logan, you say there are
more lustful—probably a bad boy or
three types of dating tendencies.
someone that’s not going to last a long time.
What are they?
So I’m not a spark person. I also hear what
Logan: The first one is the
Drew is saying. I have girlfriends on dating
romanticizer. This person loves
apps who will be talking to a guy for, like,
love. They think if it feels easy, it
two months and nothing ever transpires.
must be right. If it feels hard, it
Drew: One thing I will say is I do think
must not be. The next type is
going on a date is fun—the hope, the getting
the maximizer. They are looking
dressed up. And if it doesn’t work out,
for the optimal person. They
you try again. Never stop believing in the
may be dating someone they like
possibilities. Past behavior you’ve
but wonder if they could find
experienced shouldn’t be taken out on
someone 5 percent more
someone else. Give everyone a clean slate
interesting or more attractive.
and enjoy dating.
It’s a “grass is always greener”
Gayle: I resonate with everything you just
mentality. And then there’s the
said, Drew. Give everyone the benefit of the
hesitater. This is the person who
doubt until they give you a reason not to.
is not dating at all. They think
they’ll be more lovable when they
lose weight or when they clean
their apartment. But the reality is
no one is ever fully ready to date.
Gayle: When you said
“romanticizer,” I definitely thought
that was me. Drew, what are you?
Drew: I am a hopeful romantic,
but I’m also coming to dating for
the first time knowing that I am
going to be okay—that’s a place
I’ve never dated from before.
Gayle: That’s very freeing.
Tayshia, did any of those types
resonate with you?
Tayshia: I’m like you—I
romanticize things. But I’m also
practical. I am not so far in la-la
land. I’ve worked hard on myself,
and I don’t think that I ask for
too much.
Past behavior you’ve
experienced
shouldn’t be taken
out on someone
else. Give everyone
a clean slate.
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