Problem Solving Steps

1) Express and Reflect Emotions

a. Focus on the feeling of what the person is saying. Even if you disagree with the content,
you can reflect the emotion. Your goal here is to understand and be understood; not to
convince, point blame, or be right.
2) Define the Problem
a. Locate the problem outside of either individual. “We both value quality time together
but we also have individual interests that we care about, and there does not seem to be
enough time to fit in both,” rather than “X is selfish and doesn’t want to spend time with
me.”
3) Clarify values
a. Identify what strengths are represented by each person’s position. Even if you don’t
agree with your partner’s position, you should be able to find some value in it. For
instance, even if you don’t think you should be spending as much time with their family,
you might think “Loyalty” is still generally a good value to have.
4) Clarify what makes a good solution
a. List the things you want to maximize and minimize in an ideal solution.
5) Brainstorm all solutions
a. DO NOT rule anything out off the bat. Feel free to have some fun with this. Throwing
out unrealistic solutions may help boost creativity.
6) Evaluate based on criteria for a good solution
a. Determine which solution to try out by evaluating each option based on the criteria that
you determined make up a good solution. You may use a table to do this
7) Pick one and try it out
8) Set a time to re-evaluate