Meaning of manhood

M3: When you are labeled a man, it’s not only because you wear pants, but it there is a
certain expectation of responsibility on your part. You must be able to carry a lot of
burdens; family problems; work; ploughing; looking after cattle. Even if the woman is
also working, the man must carry a disproportionate burden. What makes you a man is
your deeds and how you carry yourself

M2: It seems like a man is defined in terms of all the difficult things and the easy things
defines a woman

M5: There is immense pressure on men to prove themselves. Therefore, the tough
upbringing that we were discussing earlier and felt that it seems like abuse: all of that was
meant to prepare you as a man, to build you for the kind of weight of expectations that
you have to shoulder, so that you have the ‘heart’ to face problems. But it all depends on
ones’ personality. One person may later see this tough upbringing as something positive
meant to help them be better men, someone else might see this upbringing as abuse or
devoid of love.

R4: A man distinguished himself by his acts, his movements and wherever he is, there
will be that aura that shows that there is someone worthy of respect. Even among other
men, elders or women; it should be known that there is a Mr. So-so; He should have
respect, and earn the respect thru his works which everyone can see.

R1: If a man does not conform to these expectations, if he dresses up and does his nails,
stuff like that, you start suspecting that he is not a real man, that he might be gay /
homosexual. You have a difficult time regarding him as a real man.

R4: To graduate to be a man, in my culture from the north, you should have a child, a
woman, a home, and have authority, that how you become a man. Otherwise, if you do
not achieve these, there is nothing that says we can call you a man. There is nothing that
shows that you have moved socially from the current stage to the next.

R3: It should be like that. A man should be independent, have his own stuff and be self
sufficient. A man has to work to achieve these things, in preparation for the fact that he
should have his own place, wife and children

R2: Men are secretive people, and even when they have problems, they would not
divulge it to anyone. They are different from women.

R4: it is important if you are a man to guard your emotions, to have “secrets”, or things
that are only known to you and you won’t share with others. We know that women can
not keep secrets. But if you are a man, and you decide that something is a secret, either
family or personal secret, and you want to keep it that way, you can do that. But a woman
can not. As a man, I believe that if you are someone worth his salt, everything of yours
should not be known by everyone u. There are things that can not be kept secret, but there
are others that, if they are family issues, they should stay there, at the family. To the

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extent that as a man, you may take some of these secrets to the grave, without having
revealed them to anyone

R2: A man should be brave, if there is danger, a man faces it. That is what we are there
for. If you are the man in your family, you should know that you have to face any
problem or difficulties and are expected to find a solution.

R3: The way I see things, things are not the way we expect them to be. There is a whole
lot of confusion about what being a man entails or what is expected by society. For
example, if I fall out with my partner, I would not be able to ask for advice from a friend
or relative. The truth is that if I was able to do that, he might give me advice or
encouragement that might prevent me from doing something adverse, like taking my own
life.

R7: People are different, men are different. We have been talking about men and secrets,
that a man should have things that are known to him only (secrets),. The way I see it, I
don’t think it is necessary anymore for men nowadays to feel under pressure not to
divulge certain information. Especially looking at youths of today, I think it is not
necessary anymore to be so unexpressive. WE need to have avenues thru which we can
discuss our problems with elders, or parents, we should be willing to share these so that
older and more experienced people can point us in the right direction

R5: Aggression / violence in the home do not help. The biggest and most important thing
is to have genuine discussions about problems. If things are not going well, either the
children did something, you should sit down with your partner and discuss your concerns
in a nonthreatening or nonviolent manner. If you still find it difficult to do that, inform
your relatives and involve them in the finding the solution to your problems

R1: there are certain circumstances where the use of violence may be justified, but there
are others where is uncalled for. It must be managed and controlled, just to prevent
yourself from being trampled under other people’s feet, so that people might know that
you are also there, staking your claim to life.

R4: Violence is not something that you keep in your heart and remind yourself that you
must be violent. You should be sociable; people should not be scared to socialize or be in
your company. At the same time, there must be limits, and these have to be very clear, so
that people can understand that they can meddle with you up to a certain point, beyond
which you would react, and may use aggression or even violence.

R4: Take the example of a man in his home. It must be clear to everyone what they can
and cannot do. They (wife, children relatives) should know that they can not such and
such, but not such & such, and that if we go beyond our limits, the man has to impose
order and punishment where appropriate. The danger is that if you are quiet about these
things, you will lose control of your family; even children will do as they please