Captain, Sir, We Have Plenty of Coffee!

Author(s): Dubravka Ugrešić and Ellen Elias-Bursac

Source: BOMB, No. 105, First Proof: Bomb's Literary Supplement (Fall, 2008), pp. 14-15
Published by: New Art Publications
Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/40428179 .
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 Captain,Sir,
we have plenty
by Dubravka Ugresic
ofcoffee!
translatedfromtheCroatianbyEllen Elias-Bursac

Opulencia... In an episodeoíDynasty, JoanCollins's

Thelipspursedintheshapeoftheletter AlexisandherloverDexteraresoaking
"0.""Pu"- a throat bulging from within,a ina Jacuzzi, sipping champagne. Dexter
mouth crammed withmouthfuls. "Ll-en- scoopssomething upwitha spoonfrom a
ce"- ringslikea brassbell.O-pu-lence.... serving dishandtastesit.
Thewordswells,thenpopslikea fountain "Hey, goeasy," sayschronically vulgar
with
gushing sprays gold of coins.Rivers Alexis, "thatis caviar!"
flowing withmilkandhoney, roast Thedirector probablythought itgauche
chickens tumbling from the sky. to zoom in on the pickledsaltyroe,yetthe
"Whatimagedoesthewordopulence audiencestillneededtoregister thecouple's
evokeforyou?"I aska friend andfellow indulgence, henceAlexisgetsherincompat-
countryman whois a littleyounger than iblesentence. Thechampagne, thecaviar,
I am. theJacuzzi: thesimplesymbols ofopulence
"AnAmerican refrigerator!"he the media have thrustinto the brains
shootsback. ofpoorpeopleinAmericaandall overthe
It is an accurate representation for world. YetmanyRussiansduring the
-
manyEasternEuropeans especially starvation periodoftheRedRevolution
thoseYugoslavs whowatched American hadso muchcaviarthattheyweresickofit;
moviesfrom theirearliestchildhood - therewas absolutely nothing elsetoeat.
ofthemythical "hornofplenty." Theimage Thosewhowereshortofa spoonscooped it
ofthatimmense American refrigeratorso with theirbare fingers.
closetooverflowing thatfoodcascades Opulence resideswherethepoorand
outofit;thepicture ofthefridge (whata therichmeet.Allofus intersect ina place
warm, soothing word!)outofwhicha muchlikean oldabandoned railway station
sleepyAmerican pullsa plastichalf-gallon wheretrainsneverarriveordepart.
jugofmilkororange juiceandchugalugs Apparently wearrived at thestation when
itdown;orremoves a tuboficecream, Godexpelled us from paradise.After theFall,
brandishes a soupspoon,andsitting itmakesnodifference whether a silkpearl
cross-legged ona comfortable sofa,flips is naturalorartificial.
ontheTVandslurpstheice cream Poverty knowsaffluence best.Peerinto
from thetubas ifitweresoup.Thishas thesmallapartment wherethelargestwall
beenetchedontheimagination of inthelivingroomis wallpapered witha
Easterners forgenerations as themost glowing sunsetovera vividseascape.Orinto
direct andappealing imageofwealth littlecitygardensdoneinplasticgrasswith
andcomfort. a flock ofplasticflamingos andplasticfrogs

14

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swimming ina plasticfountain. Peekinto willgobust!Themoney willbe eatenby
thestoressellinggildednylonbrocade, inflation!) Nothing lurksbeyond poverty but
synthetic laceandsilk,polyester satin. thenecessity ofsurvival.
CheckoutEasternEuropeanhotsprings WhenI wasa child,welivedina small
datingfrom thecommunist period, where townnearZagreb, aboutthreekilometers
wearyWestern retirees purchase acces- from themotorway toBelgrade. In summer
siblepleasures: a swimintheshabbypools, thetraffic ofTurkish andGreekguest
a massageanda pedicure. workers ontheirwayhomefrom Western
Perhapsitis onlyinthiscontext that Europeinchedalongtheroad.Onedaythe
wecanmakesenseofwhytheVanderbilt localpoliceknocked at ourdoorandasked
family imported, brickbybrick, lavishItal- my mother tohelp an interpreter.
as That
ianroomsfrom the16thcentury andbuilt the
veryday Bulgarian ambassador to Mali
themintotheir"cottages" inNewport; and wasonhiswayhomefora hard-earned
whytoday's richRussiansblastgreat summer vacation,andjustwheretheroad
slicesintotheMontenegrin cliffs
tobuild splitsoffthehighway toward ourtown, the
villasreminiscent oftheGuggenheim, ambassador hadcollided withanother car.
withswimming poolsfrom whichthe Hiswifewaskilledinstantly; he andhistwo
swimmer gets eagle'seyeviewofthe
an littlegirlswereunharmed. Therewere
majesty theAdriatic.
of formalities toattendto,butalsothepoor
Therewasa popularad forFranck manandhischildren neededtobe caredfor.
coffeeonYugoslav television backinthe Theywereourguestsforseveraldays.When
lateeighties.A spaceship withitscrew. theambassador departed,heleftbehindtwo
Suddenturbulence. Grimexpressions on largesacksofpeanutswhichhadbeenin
theastronauts' facessignalthatthe thetrunk ofhiscar.He probably feltitno
spaceship willneverreturn toearth.A longerappropriate to return and deliver
stewardess wearing a Gagarincostume themhomealongwiththenewsofthedeath
stepsintothecaptain's cabinandsmiles ofhiswife.Perhapsthiswashisexpression
brightly:"Captain, Sir,wehaveplenty of ofgratitude; hehadnothing elsetogiveus.
coffee!"Thatwas a timeofchaosonthe Noneofus hadeverseenortasteda peanut
Yugoslav market, a timeofshortages. before. Ourwholeneighborhood roasted
Threethingssymbolized opulence back peanutsintheoven,shelledtheunsightly
then:coffee, and
detergent, cooking oil. husks,andnibbled at theunusualoval
ThewomenofYugoslavia went off over the seedsformonths. Fromthehornofplenty
border bybusondaytripstoTriesteor peanutsshowered downuponus.I have
Graztobuysupplies! Fornoapparent disliked peanutseversince.
reasononeoftheitemsonthemusthave Opulence shouldbe leftwhereitcando
listwasraisins.Mymother's cupboard at theleastharm - intherealmofthe
onepointwasnearlybursting withlittle imagination. I makean effort, as muchas I
packetsofthem, andI nearlyburstwith can,to steel myself toitssiren call.Plentyof
pityformymother. coffee is entirelysufficientformydailydose
Opulence is dangerous becausedeath ofhappiness.
usuallylurksjustbeyond itsachievement.
(Mothswillgettoit!Micewillnibbleit!
Dubravka Ugresic's latest essay collection,
Firewillreduceittoashes!Stainswill
Nobody's Home, is forthcomingfromOpen Letter,
makeitugly!Peoplewillsnatchit!Banks Universityof Rochester.

FIRST PROOF 15

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