Christopher Siters

ENGL245
09/04/2022
Eve Sedgewick’s Axiomatic is undoubtedly a challenging read, and it is difficult to glean

the pearls she is casting. It is difficult to not only think about these concepts in the context of

theoretical discourse, let alone discussing these topics involving actual people, and perhaps even

more difficult thinking about these topics in relation to oneself.

One thing we have discussed in class that I liked was the use of the word “queer.” In the

past, I was never sure how or when to use the word “queer.” Often it seemed derogatory,

extreme; at what point was a man not just gay, but queer? I would shy away from the

“effeminate” gays because they were boisterous, and I did not feel like we had anything in

common aside from enjoying the male anatomy. But that was more to do with me than them. In

class, we used the term queer in reference to anyone with an interest in or concern with the

ideology behind homonormativity.

She discusses the difference between allo- and auto-identification, between “I identify

with…” and “I identify as….” This has made me question my own sense of self, regarding my

gender and sexuality. For the longest time I held myself to be a gay man, because that is what I

knew; I did not have access to any other ideology. But now that these constructs have come into

direct attention, it is easier to question oneself, not so much to answer oneself though. We

assume, because we think we are so therefore we are. But it was said that antihomophobic work

cannot be assumptive, so ideally when delving down this path, it is best to ignore your sense of

self. For example, I was born with a penis, I enjoy mine and other men’s penises, so I assumed

that I was a gay man, never really considering that I may be more “genderfluid” because I do

enjoy sex with men, I do enjoy typically masculine things (camping/hiking, sports, etc.) but I
Christopher Siters
ENGL245
09/04/2022
also enjoy typically feminine things (high heels, dresses, cooking, etc.). And in that respect, I

have become more open-minded about my sexual interests; when I was younger, I would never

have considered sex with a woman or trans individual, but now, I am able to not only entertain,

but enjoy the idea. I do love my penis, and I do love sex with other men, so I do feel that I am

first and foremost a gay man, however there are different aspects of my personality that have

largely gone unexplored.