The Adher's Guide To Managing Anger

ANGER
THIS BOOK
BELONGS TO:
---------------------------------
This digital workbook is made available to you for

personal use only. You may use, reuse, print and
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Instead, you can direct them to our resource library,

where we offer this and other workbooks on a
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keep making more resources for ADHDers and keep
track of the tools people use most.
Thank you!
A QUICK NOTE:
This workbook was created by ADHDers for ADHDers. We
are not medical or mental health professionals, and this
workbook is not a replacement for professional advice.
Our goal is to help people with ADHD lead their most

fulfilling lives, and that includes advocating for professional
care. If you are struggling with ADHD or have other mental
health concerns, we encourage you to find a board-certified
professional who can help you determine the right kind of
care and treatment plan.
Our growing resource library is full of additional digital tools

(like this one) that are designed to help you thrive. We hope
that you find them useful alongside your professional care.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
page 5
ABOUT THIS BOOK
page 6 - 16
TAKING A STEP BACK:
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
page 17 - 27
MANAGING ANGER AND
BUILDING BETTER HABITS
page 28
A FINAL WORD
page 29
SOURCES & CONTRIBUTORS
page 30
REFERENCES
ABOUT THIS BOOK
Hey there, fellow ADHDer. How have you been feeling lately?
Have you been under a bit of stress? Or maybe you’ve been
feeling like you react badly to situations, and you find yourself
starting to get angry when perhaps you shouldn’t?
We know exactly how that is, because we all struggle with anger
issues from time to time. But because you deserve to put your
energy into more positive pursuits, this book will help you
navigate anger and its underlying emotions.
BY THE END OF THIS BOOK, WE HOPE THAT YOU WILL

BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF BETTER ON AN
EMOTIONAL LEVEL, AND HAVE THE TOOLS TO BUILD
BETTER HABITS FOR THE FUTURE.
page 5
TAKING A STEP BACK:
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
So, you’re angry at your friend or at yourself, or even at a

situation that’s bothering you a lot. That’s fine—there’s absolutely
nothing wrong with feeling angry! But we don’t want to stay angry
forever, and we don’t want our anger to take control of our
thoughts and cloud our judgment.
To move past your anger, you need to take a step back and
observe it from a distance.
e r
a ng
Easier said than done, we know. But that’s why we’re going to
walk you through it.
First, let’s try and recognize the source of your anger. As an

example, think of a recent time when you were feeling angry.
page 6
TAKING A STEP BACK: UNDERSTANDING ANGER
WHO OR WHAT MADE YOU ANGRY?
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING AS YOU WERE ANGRY?
page 7
Anger is sometimes described as a “secondary emotion;” that is,

there is another underlying emotion beneath the anger.
For example, you might be angry at your partner for forgetting

your birthday, and you express that anger to them. But beneath
the anger, you’re probably also feeling sadness, disappointment,
and rejection.
Your anger in such a scenario is likely not really directed at the

act of forgetting itself, but rather at the fact that such
forgetfulness caused you to feel so many unhappy emotions.
Anger is rarely the first emotion we feel, but rather it’s the
emotion that we express (often because it’s easier to express
anger than other emotions).
Think back to the scenario you just wrote about.
WHAT OTHER EMOTIONS MAY HAVE BEEN HIDDEN

BENEATH THE SURFACE OF YOUR ANGER?
page 8
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU FELT THESE EMOTIONS?
WAS IT EASY FOR YOU TO RECOGNIZE THE UNDERLYING

EMOTIONS IN THIS SITUATION, OR WERE THEY REALLY
BURIED DEEP?
page 9
For us ADHDers, managing feelings is no easy task.
One of the characteristics of ADHD is experiencing many

different—and sometimes contradicting—emotions throughout the
day. Emotional regulation can be difficult for people with ADHD, so
all those emotions can really get out of control… and before we
know it, they’re controlling us!
As we learned in the previous exercise, all of those other

emotions can pile up and result in outbursts of anger. To make
matters worse, sometimes we don’t even know how to recognize
what we’re really feeling underneath that anger.
Anger can result from all kinds of feelings:
FRUSTRA
FEAR TION SHAME
EM B A R R A S S M EN T E NT
DISAPPOINTM
HURT WORRY
And even more…the list goes on!
page 10
If we can understand and manage the underlying emotions first,

we’re less likely to be thrown off course by an explosion of
unexpected bubbling rage.
We already spent time remembering one situation that made

you angry. Now, think of as many others as you can. Can you spot
any patterns in those situations? What are the underlying feelings
that hide behind your anger again and again?
For the next section, consider your anger as a whole, in the

context of many different situations (rather than a single
situation). Be as detailed as possible in your answers.
page 11
THINKING BACK TO YOUR EXPERIENCES OF ANGER, WHAT

PATTERNS DO YOU SEE IN YOURSELF? WHICH FEELING(S) DO YOU
THINK USUALLY LIE BENEATH THE SURFACE OF YOUR ANGER? TRY
TO LIST THE FEELINGS THAT IMPACT YOU THE MOST.
page 12
IF YOU SEE THE SAME UNDERLYING FEELINGS AGAIN

AND AGAIN, WHERE DO YOU THINK THOSE ARE
COMING FROM?
page 13
HOW RECURRENT ARE THESE FEELINGS? DO THEY EVER

SHOW UP WITHOUT ANGER INVOLVED? IF SO, HOW DO YOU
DEAL WITH THEM THEN?
page 14
In the same way that anger is like a lot of other feelings, it also
takes different forms.
There are many manifestations of anger. Some people’s anger
manifests as silence. In others it takes the form of violent
outbursts. Some use words to express their anger, while others
use action.
USUALLY, HOW DOES YOUR ANGER MANIFEST ITSELF?
WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR ANGER SHOWS ITSELF IN THIS WAY?
page 15
DO YOU THINK YOU EXPRESS ANGER IN A HEALTHY WAY?

WHY OR WHY NOT?
page 16
MANAGING ANGER AND
BUILDING BETTER HABITS
For an ADHDer, having anger issues can be very hard to

overcome. If you’ve read our book on love, then you know that
adding anger to ADHD can be a recipe for losing people you
really love.
Of course, we don’t want that. So, it’s important that you work on
developing habits through which to manage your anger. If you’ve
made it this far, you’re already committed to building healthier
emotional habits, and we’re proud of you—keep going!
Here are some habits you can cultivate to help you manage your
anger (and other tough emotions):
1. BEING THE DISTANT OBSERVER
When we get angry, it’s easy to let that anger cloud our
judgment. We become so emotionally invested in our situation
that it’s difficult to see things clearly.
If we can see our situation as though from the outside, we can

get a better idea of the bigger picture and make decisions that
are based on reality rather than anger.
Here’s how to practice being a distant observer:
page 17
MANAGING ANGER AND BUILDING BETTER HABITS
TAKE A MENTAL STEP BACK.
Try to see your situation as though on a movie screen, or from

the point of view of someone else (maybe a trusted friend).
TRY NOT TO SAY ANYTHING IF YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
When you’re angry, you may say something you’ll regret later. If
you feel like you can’t stay silent, ask for a moment alone to collect
your thoughts.
WRITE DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.
Writing is a great solution to calm you down, and you can always
revisit your writing after you’ve had some time and space away
from the problem.
SLEEP ON IT.
Emotions are even harder to manage when we’re tired, and

getting a good night’s rest can help us wake up and see the
problem from a fresh perspective.
IF YOU’VE SUCCEEDED IN DOING THIS, CONGRATS!

LEARNING TO OBSERVE YOUR EMOTIONS IS A HUGE
STEP TOWARD MANAGING THEM EFFECTIVELY.
page 18
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE CHALLENGES YOU FACE WHEN

OBSERVING YOUR ANGER?
2. FINDING HEALTHY OUTLETS
When we don’t know how to channel our anger, it tends to come

out of us in huge bursts that we later regret.
Emotions themselves (even unpleasant ones, like anger) are not

inherently bad. It’s okay to feel any emotions that we feel. What’s
not always okay is how we express those feelings—particularly if
those expressions risk harming ourselves or others.
Imagine that you have spent a bad Monday at work, and your
feelings are all over the place. You could come home and take out
those negative feelings on your partner or loved ones, or beat
yourself up over it. But would that really help? Probably not.
page 19
So what would help? That depends.
For some people, physical exercise like running, walking, riding a

bicycle, or working out are great ways to channel their anger. For
others, creative outlets like drawing, painting, playing music, and
writing are the best outlets. And some like to spend time
reflecting, channeling emotions through meditation or journaling.
There are a myriad of ways to cultivate healthy habits that can

serve as a positive outlet for your anger. Spend some time
reflecting on what works for you, and then work them into your
schedule.
In the following timetable, try to find times at which to place

some healthy habits that can serve as an outlet for your anger.
(Tip: Choose habits that you’ll enjoy, because those are the ones
that you’ll be able to sustain!)
HOW TO USE THE TABLE:
DAYS TIME HABIT
MONDAY 6PM - 7:30PM Running
TUESDAY 9AM-10-AM / 5PM-5:30PM Stretching / Meditating
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
page 20
DAYS TIME HABIT
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
3. LEARN TO PRIORITIZE YOUR WELL-BEING
Many ADHDers have trouble setting boundaries, which can put us

in situations that lead to anger. When we bite off more than we can
chew, or when we strive to be perfect, it may start with good
intentions—but really we’re only setting ourselves up for failure. The
best way to stop this cycle in its tracks is by learning to set (and stick
to) boundaries.
Of course, we can’t avoid every conflict, so we also need to know

how best to react in the moment when we start feeling angry.
Most of the time, anger is the result of failed communication either

with your own self or with other people. So, you can prevent at least
the latter by learning to communicate your anger with others.
When you find yourself getting worked up in a discussion,

IT IS OKAY TO STOP! What you can do simply is communicate to the
other person that the conversation is making you feel a certain way.
Try saying something like:
“I’M STARTING TO GET UPSET, MAYBE WE SHOULD EACH

TAKE A FEW MINUTES ALONE AND REGROUP LATER.”
“I DON’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING I’LL REGRET,

SO I’M GOING TO TAKE A TIME-OUT. I’LL LET YOU
KNOW WHEN I’VE CALMED DOWN AND WE CAN
CONTINUE OUR DISCUSSION.”
page 22
“I THINK ANGER IS STARTING TO CLOUD MY JUDGMENT,

AND I WANT TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM RATIONALLY. I
NEED SOME TIME AND SPACE IN ORDER TO DO THAT.”
Of course, you may not be the only one feeling angry. That’s why
it’s important to make it clear that you still want to solve the
problem (you’re not just running away from it), and to show the
same grace to the other person that you’d like them to show you.
If, however, you’ve tried and tried and the other person still
refuses to understand your boundaries, then distancing yourself
might be something to consider. A person who fails to value your
mental well-being is probably a person to stay away from.
Managing our anger involves learning to understand ourselves

as well as others.
To begin this process, try to reflect on the following questions:
page 23
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE YOU FIND YOURSELF ARGUING

WITH THE MOST? WHY DO YOU ARGUE?
page 24
HOW DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THE

CONVERSATION GETTING HEATED?
page 25
IN YOUR OPINION, WHY DON’T YOU STOP THE

CONVERSATION WHEN YOU START FEELING ANGRY?
page 26
4.WORK WITH A THERAPIST
Sometimes, seeking others’ help can help us find the solution. To

optimize the outcomes of the work you’ve done on yourself, it can be
very beneficial to work with a therapist on managing your anger.
As we covered in previous sections, it’s hard to see our lives and

individual situations objectively when our thoughts are clouded by
emotions. A therapist is trained to see those conflicts objectively and
without judgment, and to help find solutions that work.
So, working with a professional may be a helpful option to build up

on what you’ve started through this book.
Working with a therapist or mental health professional isn’t always

easy, however. If you find that seeking professional help is
inaccessible to you, try searching for alternative ways to connect with
a therapist (such as online).
page 27
A FINAL WORD
While this book has come to an end, our journey together has
just started. In these pages you’ve read, we’ve tried to show you
how to understand and manage your anger better by managing
the different emotions related to it.
Through the different exercises and questions presented here,

we hope that you’ve reached a better understanding of your
feelings and of yourself.
Remember, we are all works in progress, and we’re proud of you

for taking the steps to improve.
Love,
-THE ADHDOERS
TEAM
page 28
SOURCES
& contributors
Thanks to everyone who contributed to this workbook!
Research by Oussama Benayad
Written by Oussama Benayad
Edited by Rosie Byrnes
Designed by ADHDoers
Distributed by ADHDoers
REFERENCES
TJ. S. Rebecca. (2021). “ADHD and Anger: What’s the
Connection?” Healthline.
https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adhd-and-anger.
Joel Nigg. (2022). “The ADHD-Anger Connection: New

Insights into Emotional Dysregulation and Treatment
Considerations.” ADDITUDE.
https://www.additudemag.com/anger-issues-adhd-emotion
al-dysregulation/.

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ANGER

This digital workbook is made available to you for

Instead, you can direct them to our resource library,

Our goal is to help people with ADHD lead their most

Our growing resource library is full of additional digital tools

BY THE END OF THIS BOOK, WE HOPE THAT YOU WILL

So, you’re angry at your friend or at yourself, or even at a

First, let’s try and recognize the source of your anger. As an

WHO OR WHAT MADE YOU ANGRY?

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING AS YOU WERE ANGRY?

Anger is sometimes described as a “secondary emotion;” that is,

For example, you might be angry at your partner for forgetting

Your anger in such a scenario is likely not really directed at the

Think back to the scenario you just wrote about.

WHAT OTHER EMOTIONS MAY HAVE BEEN HIDDEN

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU FELT THESE EMOTIONS?

WAS IT EASY FOR YOU TO RECOGNIZE THE UNDERLYING

For us ADHDers, managing feelings is no easy task.

One of the characteristics of ADHD is experiencing many

As we learned in the previous exercise, all of those other

Anger can result from all kinds of feelings:

And even more…the list goes on!

If we can understand and manage the underlying emotions ﬁrst,

We already spent time remembering one situation that made

For the next section, consider your anger as a whole, in the

THINKING BACK TO YOUR EXPERIENCES OF ANGER, WHAT

IF YOU SEE THE SAME UNDERLYING FEELINGS AGAIN

HOW RECURRENT ARE THESE FEELINGS? DO THEY EVER

USUALLY, HOW DOES YOUR ANGER MANIFEST ITSELF?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR ANGER SHOWS ITSELF IN THIS WAY?

DO YOU THINK YOU EXPRESS ANGER IN A HEALTHY WAY?

For an ADHDer, having anger issues can be very hard to

1. BEING THE DISTANT OBSERVER

If we can see our situation as though from the outside, we can

Here’s how to practice being a distant observer:

TAKE A MENTAL STEP BACK.

Try to see your situation as though on a movie screen, or from

TRY NOT TO SAY ANYTHING IF YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

WRITE DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.

Emotions are even harder to manage when we’re tired, and

IF YOU’VE SUCCEEDED IN DOING THIS, CONGRATS!

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE CHALLENGES YOU FACE WHEN

2. FINDING HEALTHY OUTLETS

When we don’t know how to channel our anger, it tends to come

Emotions themselves (even unpleasant ones, like anger) are not

So what would help? That depends.

For some people, physical exercise like running, walking, riding a

There are a myriad of ways to cultivate healthy habits that can

In the following timetable, try to ﬁnd times at which to place

HOW TO USE THE TABLE:

DAYS TIME HABIT

MONDAY 6PM - 7:30PM Running

TUESDAY 9AM-10-AM / 5PM-5:30PM Stretching / Meditating

3. LEARN TO PRIORITIZE YOUR WELL-BEING

Many ADHDers have trouble setting boundaries, which can put us

Of course, we can’t avoid every conﬂict, so we also need to know

Most of the time, anger is the result of failed communication either

When you ﬁnd yourself getting worked up in a discussion,

Try saying something like:

“I’M STARTING TO GET UPSET, MAYBE WE SHOULD EACH

“I DON’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING I’LL REGRET,

“I THINK ANGER IS STARTING TO CLOUD MY JUDGMENT,

Managing our anger involves learning to understand ourselves