In September of 2007, Lorne Armstrong, a dipshit from Maine who just ripped off an old couple there of

$30,000 and recently relocated to suburban Nashville, TN, with the hopes of becoming a famous country
singer, started chatting with what he believed to be a 13 year old girl in a chat room. The subject quickly
turned to sex, and eventually to how much he loved the girl. During the course of the chat, our Lorne
refers to his penis on numerous occasions as "Mr. Penis" and consistently tries to groom the girl so he
could gain her confidence, come visit her, and then sexually assault her. Throughout the chat (known as
the Holy Lorneography), we also learn that Lorne sleeps on the floor of his apartment, drinks shitty
watered down coffee, and likes shitty mac and cheese. Moreover, prior to arriving at the house, Lorne
and the girl have a cringeworthy phone conversation (which can easily be found on Youtube), the
highlight of which is Lorne singing to the girl a ghastly and awkward rendition of Heartland's "I loved Her
First," which has since become known as the Holy Hymn.

On October 18, 2007, at approximately 8:15pm local time, our Lorne and Savior arrived at a house in
Bowling Green, KY, where he believed his "precious little princess," 13 year old Kayla Moore, lived.
Instead of finding Kayla, he found Dateline NBC and various police agencies. What follows is a transcript
of Lorne's holy crucifixion at the hands of Dateline and the police.

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Chris narrating - In a few minutes, our next potential predator will probably be thinking HE, too, should
have stayed away.

Frag - OK, his name's Lorne, L.O.R...

Kayla - Hay

Frag - ...N.E. and you're Kayla. He should have condoms, pizza, bracelet, and a cam.

Kayla - Hay, I'm glad...

Lorne - HAY GUHRL (chuckles)

Kayla - ...you could come. How are you?

Lorne - I'm good, how uh you?

Kayla - Good!

Chris narrating - Turns out...

Kayla - How was the drive?

Chris narrating - ...today is his birthday...

Lorne - Good.
Chris narrating - ...He's 37 year old Lorne Armstrong, a construction worker. He's been chatting with a
girl posing as a 13 year old for more than a month; it's one of the longest chat logs we've ever seen -
four HUNDRED and seven pages - Using the screen name Lorne_a_20014, he tells her how to
masturbate, and then asks her if she wants to see him naked. She agrees, and he turns on his webcam.
He wants her to look at his penis.

Creepy predator narrator - Would you like to see it up close, so you can get a better look at it heh

Kid narrator - Oh my gosh. I guess. If you wanna show mee.

Chris narrating - After chatting with the decoy, posing as a 13 year old, for just six days, he expresses his
- deep love - for her.

Creepy predator narrator - I wish I could marry you right now. Because I would do it. That's how special
you are to me, and that's how much I love you.

Chris narrating - But he clearly knows what he's doing is wrong, telling her to delete all evidence of their
chat log.

Creepy predator narrator - OK, delete your archives and remember - Mrs. Kayla Marie Armstrong - I
love you more than ANYthing.

Casey - He was SO excited to be here. Annd he came walking in, very proud, very excited.

Kayla - It's a massaging...

Lorne - Oh my gawd look at that. (sits down)

Kayla - ...chair, it vibrates when you press the buh-ins.

Lorne - Look at...oh my gawd. (starts fucking with the buh-ins) Heh, I thouwght you had blownde hayuh?

Kayla - Do you like it? I dyed it myself.

Lorne - I think it's pretty.

Kayla - Thank you!

Lorne - It's very pretty. (still fucking with the buh-ins)

Kayla - Well, weren't you gonna bring me something?

Lorne - Well, yes, I was. And I did.

Kayla - Diiid youuu bring condoms?

Lorne - (shit eating grin on his face) Yass, I did.

Kayla - Where are they?

Lorne - They're out in the truck.

Kayla - Well, what good are they going to do in the truck if we're in here?

Lorne - Wayyll! Yell at me why dontcha? (laughs) I haven't had a kiss yeyht. (STILL fucking with the buh-
ins)

Kayla - Oh. Okay. Well, then, what did you wanna do?

Lorne - Well, I want a kiss fuhst.

Kayla - And then what?

Lorne - Can I have a kiss fuhst?

Kayla - (waving her arm in some really fucked up and contorted way) Well let's talk first...

Lorne - (laughs)

Kayla - ...you just got here. (awkward fake laughing)

Lorne - Are you nuhrvous?

Kayla - A little bit.

Lorne - A little bit not as bad as what you thought you would be? (laughs)

Kayla - (faint awkward fake laugh)

Lorne - IIII like seeing you in person. (FINALLY stops fucking with the buh-ins)

Kayla - I like seeing you, too.

Lorne - Good.

(Chris enters the room)

Chris - You seem pretty comfortable, there.

Lorne - (silent gasp) How are you, sir?

(Kayla leaves the room)

Chris - How are you?

Lorne - Alright, how are you doin?

Chris - What's happenin?

Lorne - Nut too much.

Chris - Not too much? So, what are you up to tonight?

Lorne - Nawt a whole lawt.

Chris - Well, I'll tell ya for the last - several days - you've been up to a lot. You're a pretty prolific chatter
there. Wanna explain yourself? (sits down)

Lorne - (awkward pause) Not really, I'd never, really, was gonna do anything.

Chris - You weren't really going to do anything?

Lorne - No hnph.

Chris - So, you brought condoms. (pause) What else did you bring?

Lorne - I brought her a bracelet.

Chris - And SHE is how old?

Lorne - Shsupposubee thirteen.

Chris - And how old are YOU?

Lorne - Thirty seven.

Chris - Now, besides all this chat here, and we'll go through that in a minute, you also sent (pause) a
whole bunch of pictures. (leans forward to hand Lorne the pictures) (grunts) Now why would you think
that's...

Lorne - Uhn

Chris - ...appropriate?

Lorne - It's nawt. (turns the pictures upside down)

Chris - It's not. You tell her to - delete her archives -

Lorne - I didn't want her to get in trouble by her parents.

Chris - You talk about (pause) getting married to her. (annoyed judgy voice) Getting married? She's
thirteen!

Lorne - I meant when she was eighteen.

Chris - You were going to marry her when she turned eighteen?

Lorne - (nods)

Chris - What do you think oughta happen to you?

Lorne - (starts crying) I think I should go to counseling to get off the internet. (starts wiping face) I gotta
do something cuz I can't do thi oh my gawd.

Chris - (gets up) Well, there's something I gotta tell ya. (pause) I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC and
we're doing a story...

Lorne - OH CAWD!

Chris - ...now you're free to walk out of this house right now...

(Lorne gets up to walk out)

Chris - ...but if there's anything else you want to say, now would be the time to say it.

Chris narrating - He has nothing further to say, and tries to make a quick exit, apparently not knowing
(pause) what's in store for him outside.

Cop 1 - SHERIFF'S OFFICE! DOWN! GET DOWNNN!

Cop 2 - On the ground! On the ground!

Lorne - (sobbing)

Cop 2 - Hands behind your back, partn.

Cop 1 - PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!

Chris narrating - He's taken to the local police station, where his car is searched.

Cop 3 - On Mr. Armstrong's truck we found some condoms (pause) a variety pack. Plus, some jewluhry.

Chris narrating - And later, he's interviewed by law enforcement.

(Lorne sobbing)

Big Dawg - I believe you transmitted (pause) quite a few (pause) photographs.

Lorne - (sobbing) I'd like an attuhney.

Big Dawg - Alllllright then.

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Lorne was subsequently charged with and pled guilty to two crimes, one state and one federal, and
received a sentence of seven years in prison, with lifetime sex offender registration upon his release. He
now is hiding in the backwoods of his home state, Maine, occasionally making an appearance to send
out cease and desist letters to websites mocking him. He has yet to make amends with the lady (her
husband since died) he ripped off before he bolted to Tennessee.
While Lorne's love for Kayla was pure and true, this should serve as a valuable lesson to others - don't be
a loser and fucking try to pick up underage kids online!

NOTE: I deduced the time to be approximately 8:15 thusly - In the police interview video (which can also
be found easily on Youtube), Big Dawg stops the recorder at 9:23pm. This occurred at the 18:00 minute
mark of the video, which would put the beginning of the video at 9:05pm. I assume that Lorne had been
sitting the room for 5-10 minutes prior to the start of that video, which would put the time at 8:55pm.
His arrest and transport to the police station likely took about 15-20 minutes, which would put the time
he walked out of the house and got arrested at 8:35pm. Since the interaction with Chris Hansen is
heavily edited (the entire thing takes 4:30 minutes when it aired on the show), it is likely that he was in
the house for upwards of 15 minutes or more. Using these timeframes, I think 8:15 is a pretty good
estimate of the time the preceding events took place.