The Magick of Chant-O-Matics by Raymond Buckland

By Mike Walsh Published in the Philadelphia Welcomat in March 1991. Wouldnt you like to obtain all the pleasures this big ol world has to offer just for the asking? Havent you paid your dues like all the other hard-working stiffs long enough? Dont you deserve every sexual pleasure known to man or beast? Of course you do, so invest $5.95 in The Magick of Chant-O-Matics by Raymond Buckland, renowned practitioner of the occult. This extraordinary book will introduce you to the rewards of chanting, an ancient yet amazingly easy, highly profitable, and richly satisfying hobby. Right on the cover The Magick of Chant-O-Matics announces, Whatever you need, be it power, money, a loved one, good health or protection from evil forces, this bookwill help you get it. Anything you desire can be yoursanything, notes Buckland in the preface, not through hard, timeconsuming, constant exercisesbut through simple, easy-to-do rituals that are a joy to perform. The magick of Bucklands book is that he has taken the rituals of old, which he says were long and complicated, and streamlined them. This repackaging of the ancient secrets is perfectly suited for todays impatient, busy, highly-prioritized audience. What cold be better? Hes already done all the hard work. Before you start, however, you must set up a Chant-O-Matic workshop. Youll need a room to yourself, free of interruptions and a piece of furniture to use as an altar. Cover you altar with a white cloth, instructs Herr Buckland, and in the center stand an incense-burner. On either side of the incense youll need a tall, white candle. Lay The Magick of Chant-O-Matics on the altar, and your workshop is complete. The important thing is to feel comfortable, says Buckland, so you might want to add a kneeling cushion or a personal souvenir like a religious article, your Space Needle salt and pepper set, or that Liberty Bell shot glass. I always make sure my collection of Megadeath lps are nearby, so I can clutch them to my bosom during a particularly earnest chanting session. Next, review the 300 chants in The Magick of Chant-O-Matics, and as Buckland writes, decide which it is to be, aim carefully, and pull the Chant-O-Matic trigger! Heres an easy chant to get you started. Its for a better job. I leave the old / I greet the new / I leave the fold / Of the stagnant crew. To better live / To better sup / To myself I give / I move on up. Of course, you dont want just a better job. You want an easier job with more free time and a private office where you can chant for your supervisors painful death. Besides, a private office will get you away from that godawful stagnant crew. The Magick of Chant-O-Matics has several chapters devoted exclusively to money as well. My favorite chapter is Magic Money Chants That Can Put You Knee-Deep in Thousand Dollar Bills. Awesome! Heres an example from that chapter: Suddenly I see the pile / Suddenly I hold the sum / Suddenly I end my trial / For the money it has come! For the money that I need / For the need that is so strong / For these words that I do read / Brings the money right along. Brings the money without waiting / Brings the money right to me / Brings the answer to my waiting / Suddenly I will be free.

(Chanting tip: I discovered that if I recited the above chant in the nude except for day-glo body paint while dancing and pounding out Queens We Will Rock You on a set of bongos, the interest on my savings account increased by several digits. Give it a try! What have you got to lose?) Then check your bank account at a nearby ATM, and dont be surprised if your balance isnt $10 to $15 higher. If you dont get any action, try moaning this next chant to a teller at your bank: Need, need, need / Money, money, Money! Me, me, me / Money, money, Money! Now, now, now / Money, money, Money!!!! Repeat the chant two more times, louder and more insistent each time. (Anything you can do to heighten the sense of urgency or desperation will add to the overall effect of the chant.) Then, while pacing back and forth in front of your teller and letting your eyes roll backward, add this little chestnut: Bring the money to fill the need Now my power has done the deed Yes, bring the money to fill the need!!!!! Dont be surprised if the teller or bank manager rushes to you with U. S. Savings Bonds, Certificates of Deposit, or even hard currency. Theyll do almost anything to keep you from continuing your bank-busting chant. The Magick of Chant-O-Matics also has chapters on health and protection, but my favorite chapter addresses sexual favors. Many of the sexually-oriented chants are in ancient languages, and rightfully so, for the power of the sexual appetite knows not the boundaries of time or language. Heres an extremely powerful one. Malana (repeat 4x) / Com mana, com mo (3x) Remenay (5x) / Bhava devata, Shiva, Shakti, Vidya, Kala (4x) Roating (repeat as necessary). You wouldnt believe what happened to me after I uttered that chant the first time. I got this weird phone call, and then (Editors Note: Mr. Walshs next few paragraphs were deleted because of their graphic content.) my endurance spent, I slept well that night, and now Im careful to never repeat that humdinger except on special occasions. Of course, there may come a time in your life when you want just the opposite effectto dispel anothers affections. Ive never experienced such a predicament, but just for the sake of argument lets say that you find yourself in this awkward situation. If so, try chanting the following: Mana rigo (repeat 5x) Vai (long and drawn out) bola! (4x) Sartot swertom (6x) / Vendurah (7x) Aga, aga, aga; betol, betol, betol; markoo, markoo, markoo (3x) Repeat this chant as many times as necessary in the presence of the unwanted suitor. Sweat, pace, and quiver if possible. If this still does not work, claw at the air like a wild animal, and shout the following in his or her face:

Divide, divide, divide the two / Talinak melinak solinak voo Each one, each one, each one anew Swettle mettle ragom voo voo VOO!!!!! Your unwanted suitor is guaranteed to run away. Now you probably always thought that goals such as financial well-being, a good job, and a fulfilling sexlife could only be gained through honesty, commitment, and hard work. But The Magick of Chant-OMatics teaches us just the opposite. The message of The Magick of Chant-O-Matics is that you can get anything you want if you wish hard enough and you arent embarrassed to ask for it aloud. So wise up, dummies and stop banging your head against a wall. Kick back on the Lazy-Boy, grab the remote control, a beer, some back issues of People magazine, and start chanting like a sonovabitch. What a life! What happiness! Attainment, your new mentor and savior guarantees, is automatic!

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Suddenly I see the pile / Suddenly I hold the s um / Suddenly I end m y trial / For the money it has come!For the m oney that I need / For the need that is so stron

g / For these words that I do read / Brings the money right along.Brings the money without waiti ng / Brings the money r ight to me / Brings the answer to my waiting / Suddenly I will be free .outhashChant and Be Ha ppyThe Magick of ChantOMatics by Raymond Buck landBy Mike WalshPublish ed in the Philadelphia W

elcomat in March 1991.W ouldn t you like to obtain all the pleasures this big o l world has to offer just for the asking? Haven t you paid your dues lik e all the other hardworking stiffs long enoug h? Don

t you deserve every sexu al pleasure known to ma n or beast? Of course y ou do, so invest $5.95 i n The Magick of ChantOMatics by Raymond Buck land, renowned practitioner of the occult. This extr aordinary book will introd uce you to the rewards of chanting, an ancient y et amazingly easy, highly

profitable, and richly sat isfying hobby.Right on th e cover The Magick of Chant-OMatics announces, Whatever you need, be it power, money, a loved one, good health or pr otection from evil forces, this book will help you get it.

Anything you desire can be yours anything, notes Buckland in the preface, not through hard, timeconsuming, constant exerci ses but through simple, easyto-

do rituals that are a joy to perform. The magick of Buckland s book is that he has t aken the rituals of old, which he says were long and complicated, and streamlined them. T his repackaging of the a

ncient secrets is perfectly suited for today s impatient, busy, highlyprioritized audience. What cold be better? He s already done all the h ard work.Before you start, however, you must set up a Chant-OMatic workshop. You

ll need a room to yours elf, free of interruptions and a piece of furnitur e to use as an altar. Cover you altar with a white cloth, instructs Herr Buckland,

and in the center stand an incense-burner. On either side of the i ncense you ll need a tall, white can dle. Lay The Magick of Chant-OMatics on the altar, and your workshop is compl ete.The important thing is to feel comfortable, say s Buckland, so you migh

t want to add a kneelin g cushion or a personal souvenir like a religious article, your Space Nee dle salt and pepper set, or that Liberty Bell shot glass. I always make s ure my collection of Me gadeath lps are nearby, s o I can clutch them to my bosom during a parti cularly earnest chanting s ession.Next, review the 3 00 chants in The Magick

of Chant-OMatics, and as Buckland writes, decide which it is to be, aim carefully, and pull the Chant-OMatic trigger! Here s an easy chant to get you started. It

s for a better job.I leave the old / I greet the new / I leave the fold / Of the stagnant crew.T o better live / To better sup / To myself I giv e / I move on up. Of course, you don t want just You want with more d a private a better job. an easier job free time an office where

you can chant for your supervisor s painful death. Besides, a private office will get you away from that go dawful stagnant crew.The Magick of Chant-OMatics has several chapte rs devoted exclusively to money as well. My fav orite chapter is

Magic Money Chants Tha t Can Put You KneeDeep in Thousand Dollar Bills. Awesome! Here s an example from that chapter:Suddenly I see th e pile / Suddenly I hold the sum / Suddenly I end my trial / For the money

it has come!For the m oney that I need / For the need that is so stron g / For these words that I do read / Brings the money right along.Brings the money without waiti ng / Brings the money r ight to me / Brings the answer to my waiting / Suddenly I will be free .(Chanting tip: I discovere d that if I recited the a bove chant in the nude

except for dayglo body paint while dancing and poun ding out Queen s We Will Rock You o n a set of bongos, the interest on my savings a ccount increased by sever al digits. Give it a try! What have you got to lose?)Then check your

bank account at a nearby ATM, and don t be surprised if your b alance isn t $10 to $15 higher. If you don t get any action, try mo aning this next chant to a teller at your bank:
Need, need, need / Money, money, Money!Me, me, me / Money, money, Money!Now, now, n ow / Money, money, Money!!!!Repeat the chant two more times, louder and more insistent e ach time. (Anything you can do to heighten the sense of urgency or desperation will add to t he overall effect of the chant.) Then, while pacing back and forth in front of your teller and l etting your eyes roll backward, add this little chestnut:Bring the money to fill the needNow m y power has done the deedYes, bring the money to fill the need!!!!!