soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock

movie review
movie times at the nick and big mo drive-in
savage love adult sex advice
Jonesin crosswords
cartoons derf & red meat
sudoku
Contents
January 13, 2011 volume 6 issue 17
Publisher
Paul Blake
paul@columbiacitypaper.com
ArTs eDiTOr Judit Trunkos
jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com
cOlATheATer.cOm
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
Design
Lisa Corbin
music
Kingsley Waring
AccOunT execuTives
James Wallace, Jen Snyder
cOnTribuTOrs
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, WR Marshall,
Todd Morehead, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
cOlumbiA ciTy PAPer
2965 North Main Street
Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (DiaL aRea CoDe)
pg. 10
pg. 6
tim scott ideology p. 6
letters to the reader dear united states
opinion sbama please stay away on april 12.
regional briefs man in motorized wheelchair wanted for hit-and-run
news the year in wall street investigations
vocal booth the best and brightest
commentary misclassification of workers
music obits at new brookland tavern
Movies.Entertainment.Etc.
News.Politics.Commentary.
3
3
6
7
10
11
12
10
12
12
13
14
14
15
Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies
are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC
december 3, 2010
3
I was at a
meeting of the
Fort Sumter-
Fort Moultrie
Historical Trust
last spring
when chairman
Robert Rosen
brought up the
idea of inviting
P r e s i d e n t
Barack Obama
to South Carolina
on April 12, 2011,
for the 150th anniversary observance of the
fring on Fort Sumter.
The Historical Trust is an impressive
group of scholars and civic leaders who
are planning activities to observe the
sesquicentennial of the Civil War. I had
my doubts about extending the invitation
to President Obama at the time, but said
nothing. I have since stopped attending
Historical Trust meetings on a regular
basis. Still, I found it disconcerting last
month when I read that Fort Sumter
National Monument, run by the National
Park Service, had offcially extended the
invitation to the president. The plan calls
for Obama to narrate Aaron Copelands
Lincoln Portrait during a commemorative
concert in White Point Garden, overlooking
the harbor and the distant fort.
I am sure it would be a moving
moment. The music is stirring. The narrative
poignant. And I think the president would
be a natural for the role. But, frankly, I hope
the White House staff or the Secret Service
or Michelle Obama or somebody looks the
president in the eye and says, Stay away
from Charleston on April 12.
The invitation was extended in
utmost respect and, I think, affection for
the president. The young Illinois senator
came to Charleston early in his presidential
campaign to meet local Democratic Party
leaders at a private residence on the Battery.
He wowed everyone that day, went on to
win the nomination and carried Charleston
County on Election Day, more than a year
later. Speaking to the multitude in Grant
Park, Chicago, on the night of his triumph,
he referred to the porches of Charleston
as an early milestone of his campaign.
I think there is great mutual affection
between the president and the City of
Charleston. But I am also aware that my
opinion of President Obama is not held
universally in this city and even less so in
the state at large. For that reason, I think it
would be a good idea for the president to
fnd something else to do on April 12.
I will be blunt: I think the president
might be in danger if he came to came to this
historically loaded city on that emotionally
loaded date. I am confdent his security
team could protect him from almost any
eventuality, but I see no point in inviting an
incident which would embarrass the state
and haunt the city for years to come.
Am I being dramatic? Perhaps, but this
is a town that loves drama and acts it out
in bizarre and inappropriate ways. Exhibit
A: the Secession Ball held at Gaillard
Auditorium last month, in which several
hundred white people donned hoop skirts
and Confederate uniforms to celebrate
the dissolution of the Union. Exhibit B:
state Senate Pro Tem Glenn McConnell
of Charleston, who loves to parade around
in his Confederate uniform. Last fall he
appeared before a gathering of Republican
women in Columbia, along with other
period reenactors, including a black couple
dressed as slaves. Exhibit C: the angry
and irrational letters to area newspapers,
denouncing northern aggression and
calling Abraham Lincoln a tyrant and a
murderer.
Such behavior is not violence, but it is
a vindication and a celebration of violence.
And this city has been committing and
celebrating violence as a political tool for
a long time, including the fring on Fort
Sumter in 1861.
I would argue that anger and the
threat of violence have been the primary
political motivator in South Carolina for
two centuries. Generations of ranters
and ravers have sprung from this states
soil. We got a taste of that tradition last
year when 2nd District Rep. Joe Wilson
interrupted President Obamas speech to a
joint session of Congress with the shout,
You lie! Sen. Jim DeMint swore to make
healthcare reform Obamas Waterloo.
The atmosphere in this state was so toxic
in 2010 that the Secret Service nixed a
planned visit here by the First Lady.
April 12, 2011, will be fraught with
meaning too much meaning for some, I
fear. The image of a black president from a
northern state gazing out over Fort Sumter
and delivering an elegy to Abraham Lincoln
might be too much for some susceptible
minds to endure.
Charleston is famous for its courtesy
and its hospitality./ But history shows that
it takes only one misguided person with a
gun to ruin the day for the whole country. I
suspect there are many misguided people in
Charleston and in South Carolina. I know
there are many guns.
For that reason I make this sincere plea
to President Obama: You will have other
opportunities to visit the Holy City. Please
stay away on April 12.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
By Will Mordock
The good fighT
The Worst Idea Of 2010
Dear United States,
We get it already. Half of you are
incensed that theres a man of African
descent in the White House. Black Man
in White House = Intergalactic Rise in
Racist Hatred. Thus, youre opposed
to your fellow citizen receiving basic
medical coverage and youd like to
see every non-Aryan in the world fry
from a U.S. Marine flamethrower. (Go
figure.)
So as long as were already headed
back in time to 1968, where supposedly
its once again vogue to take a
gunpowder whip to politicians who
dont align well with Nazi principles,
lets travel back in time one century
further to, say, 1860. U.S. Civil War,
Part Deux, on!
While a good many progressive
thinkers will take the ultimate fall on
behalf of restoring sanity to the Union,
at least a good bit of the ber-fringe
on the neo-con right will be eradicated
from the planetas these morons will
beg, borrow and steal for posts on the
front line.
South Carolina, were counting on
you to take the lead. So draft those
letters of secession! Rub the rust off
the canons! And put all the Jared Lee
Loughners out there for us to see in
broad daylight.
On the count of onetwo
threeBANG!
Columbia City Paper
Letters To The Reader
January 13, 2011
5
CHARLESTON
Scientists still pondering fish die-off
near Folly Beach
The City of Folly Beach has spent close
to $6,000 to clean up a mile-and-a-half
stretch of beach after thousands of dead fish
washed ashore.
State wildlife officials said the fish
appeared to have been healthy and believe
the die-off could be contributed to the
recent cold snap and lower than normal sea
temperatures. The fish are a small species
of baitfish called menhaden, which tend
to swim closer to the surface and are more
susceptible to abrupt weather changes, they
said.
These are bait fish that larger fish
feed on, so it might impact the fishing this
year, local resident Tom Jerussi, told the
Charleston Post and Courier.
Jerussi also wasnt entirely convinced
that the die-off was the result of the weather.
Its been this cold before, he said.
In addition to the heavy machinery
contracted to remove the menhaden, some
locals came down to fill buckets with the
fish to use in their yards as fertilizer. Jerussi
praised the citys quick response, rather than
allowing nature break down the carcasses.
They will stink like crazy in another
day, he said.
MARION
Twenty Chihuahuas still homeless
following animal hoarding bust
The Marion County Animal Shelter
says it still needs to find homes for 20
Chihuahuas that were seized from a Marion
residence in October. But having only 20
dogs left from the seizure is a good thing,
they say; the agency initially seized 179
Chihuahuas, six birds, four ferrets, two
snakes, an iguana, and a bearded dragon
lizard, according to the Florence Morning
News.
Officers were alerted to the problem
in October after reports surfaced about a
strong odor emanating from the residence.
Marion County Animal Shelter Director
Jennifer Nall said shelter employees had to
buy earplugs after the nearly 200 lap dogs
arrived on site. They were even forced to
stop answering the phone because they
could not hear it ringing, she said.
I just want people to understand why
its so important to spay and neuter your
animals, Nall told the Morning News.
People start out with good intentions. They
might have one or two. They think they
want to save them all, take in some more,
but if you dont spay and neuter, this is
exactly what happens.
Marion Police said the case is open
and pending on a mental evaluation of
the homeowner. The owner has not been
charged with a crime.
MULLINS
Gun-toting man busted in the buff
Mullins police arrested a naked man
who was allegedly sitting in his car with
nothing but a rubber Halloween mask and a
handgun in a bag.
Police said they noticed the car parked
beside a city-owned building shortly before
midnight. When they approached the
vehicle they noticed the naked man inside.
As [the subject] exited the rear seat
of the vehicle, the officer noticed what
appeared to be the butt of a handgun
protruding from a bag... Mullins Police
Chief Kenneth Davis said in a press release.
Jayshure Lashane Hannah, 18, has been
charged with indecent exposure, unlawful
carrying of a pistol, and possession of a
handgun with an obliterated serial number.
More charges could be added when the gun
returns from forensic processing at SLED.
ROCK HILL
Man in motorized wheelchair wanted
for hit-and-run incident
Rock Hill Police say a man in a
motorized wheelchair hit a stopped car,
causing $1,000 in damages, and then fled
the scene.
The victim, a 56-year-old woman from
Rock Hill, said she was at an intersection
preparing to turn left, when the man in the
wheelchair came out of nowhere and
struck her vehicle. When she rolled down
the window to talk to the man, he reportedly
said that he was OK, then asked the woman
for money. When she indicated that she was
calling the police to report the accident, the
man zipped away in the wheelchair.
Police said a piece of the victims
vehicle was found nearby in the intersection
and, at press time, the suspect has not been
located.
Rock Hill considering ban on fake
weed
Citing health concerns, Rock Hill
leaders are considering a ban on synthetic
marijuana products.
Federal drug officials have said the legal
product causes rapid heart rate, dangerously
high blood pressure and hallucinations
side effects, in a twist of irony, that are
arguably more extreme than those produced
by actual marijuana.
Currently synthetic marijuana is
marketed in convenience stores and head
shops as an incense-like mix of herbs that
can be smoked.
Rock Hill Councilwoman Susie B.
Hinton, a former school principal, was
spurred into action after she learned about
the legal synthetic product during a recent
workshop.
We need to move on this, Hinton told
the Rock Hill Herald.
This is a legitimate risk for our youth
and a public health problem, said Jane
Alleva, director of the York County All On
Board Coalition.
Rock Hill would be the first South
Carolina city to impose a ban on the
product. Violators which could include
both customers and storeswould face
fines of $500 for misdemeanor offenses.
First offense charges for possession of less
than one ounce of actual marijuana are $100
to $300.
SUMTER
Robbery victim to public: I aint
want to shoot anyone. ...But, watch out
if it happens again
Sumter area barber, James Wilder, 72,
had gone 51 years in the business without
being robbeduntil recently. Wilder said
he was settling up with a young man after
cutting his hair, when the man told him to
sweep his hair up into a small trash can and
then empty the register.
Said I want that money right now
before I kill you, Wilder told the Sumter
Item. And he take the trash can and run.
It happened so fast, it got me shook up. I
panicked... had to settle down. What do you
call it? Get my composure together.
Wilder, who served in the U.S. Army
from 1961 to 1963, said he has a concealed
weapons permit and wont let a similar
incident happen again.
I aint want to shoot anyone, he told
the Item. But if he do it again, Im gonna
shoot him in the crack of his ass. Right in
the crack. Theyll have to lock me up.
He also said hell be more cautious
about letting in unfamiliar customers.
Any funny looking guy come in that
door, I aint gonna let him in, Wilder said.
Looking ugly, looking fool, looking wild.
Tell him go on to another barbershop. Im
over the hill anyway. I dont need to cut that
much hair anyway, he said.
Police are still searching for the suspect
who is described as a black male, 5 feet 4
and 150 pounds between 18 and 20 years
old.
Ben Adler, of Newsweek, wrote that
South Carolina was arguably the most
unlikely of all southern states to make such
a racial breakthrough. The breakthrough
was, of course, the election of Tim Scott
the first African American Republican
in congress from the Deep South since
the end of Reconstruction to South
Carolinas first District. Scott beat the sons
of Strom Thurmond and Carol Campbell
in the primary. Most of South Carolinas
African Americans remain registered
Democrats and so whites largely elected
Scott. Certainly, there are very few Sikhs
in South Carolina and yet Nikki Haley
also won in this most unlikely state. In
another Newsweek article USC political
scientist Dr. Oldendick to explained
the phenomenon, saying These days,
for most conservative whites in South
Carolina, ideology trumps race.
This is an improvement, to be sure.
Except that race has never been an issue
in South Carolina except as ideology.
Race was paramount because of the
ideology of white supremacy. This is
what ideology does. It takes a detail or
an aspect and makes it central; uses it to
explain the world. The world, however, is
inexplicable. And so force is required in
order to make the ideology work.
We ought to use this recession, use all
of the craziness of our times, Bush v. Gore,
9/11. the wars, Abu Graihb, and all of the
rest of it, to become funnier, wiser, sexier,
scrappier, and quirkier. That is, to become
less ideological. When Tea Partiers are
funny, wise, sexy, scrappy, or quirky, it
is usually as a grotesque deformed by
ideology and not the kind of individual
who can attempt to see the world as it is,
maddening detail by maddening detail, all
in their insane proliferation.
Unfortunately, as Tim Scott
historically takes his seat in the Congress,
he will, along with Boehner and the
rest of them, be more concerned with
ideology than with anything else.
The Congress read the Constitution
today. A good exercise, but there was
no discussion of the meaning of the
document. This Congress has entirely
embraced the idea that the Constitution
is a religious document rather than a
political one. They read it in the same
way they read the Bible: it is to be
absorbed rather than interpreted. In the
hands of this Congress, the Constitution
became an accoutrement of ideology.
Ideology is the enemy of thought. It
functions in absolutes and generalities.
The life of the individual always breaks
through ideology. This is why ideologues
kill individualsbut true individuals
have the power to kill ideology. In
honor of Tim Scotts electionand as
an antidote to prevailing ideologyI
offer the biography of South Carolinas
previously most prominent African
American Republican in Congress,
Beauforts Robert Smalls.
Robert Smalls was born a slave in
Beaufort. As a young man he was taken
to Charleston where he started working
the docks. He piloted a Confederate ship.
When the white officers were ashore,
he and the other slaves aboard captured
the ship and steered it, at great peril,
to a Union blockade. Smalls gave the
Union maps, codes, weapons, and men.
He helped convince Lincoln that African
Americans should be able to fight for
the Union. He piloted the same ship, the
Planter, as a Union ship. When it came
under fire and the Union Captain decided
to surrender to the Rebels, Smalls took
control of the ship and brought it to safety.
Smalls became captain of the Planter.
After the war, he bought the house of his
former master. He went into business and
was elected to Congress where he served
several terms.
If Tim Scott breaks free of the
ideology of his party (and does not
embrace any other ideology), he could
be a great congressman. He could be a
great American, like Robert Smalls. But I
fear he will hear Smalls only at his most
ideological, when he says every colored
man who has a vote to cast, would cast
that vote for the regular Republican Party
and thus bury the Democratic Party so
deep that there will not be seen even a
bubble coming from the spot where the
burial took place.
6
January 13, 2011
Ideology is the enemy of thought. It
functions in absolutes and generalities.
The life of the individual always breaks
through ideology. This is why ideologues
kill individualsbut true individuals
have the power to kill ideology.
Its been over three years since
credit markets started shaking with the
early tremors of the subprime crisis,
and two years since that spread into
a marketwide collapse. Prosecutors,
regulators, Congress and journalists
have spent the year uncovering the
financial shenanigans that brought the
market to its knees. Its been marked
by a few blockbuster settlements and
more revealing investigations as well
as by some noticeable inaction in the
reckoning.
Lets start at the ground level, with
selling risky mortgages to homeowners.
Nobody symbolized the subprime market
from its growth to its downfall
better than former Countrywide CEO
Angelo Mozilo. This fall, the Securities
and Exchange Commission reached a
$67.5 million settlement with Mozilo in
its only major case against a financial
executive. The SEC charged Mozilo
with praising Countrywide to investors
while internally doubting its lending
standards. As part of the settlement,
Mozilo admitted no wrongdoing.
Moving up the finance chain, we
come to the banks that sold mortgage
deals to investors. Much of the scrutiny
focuses on a type of mortgage deal called
collateralized debt obligations, or CDOs,
which are essentially bundles of other
mortgage bonds that were sold off to
investors.
Though nearly every bank is rumored
to be under investigation, the year was
marked by one major case looking at
the CDO business. In April, the SEC
accused Goldman Sachs of creating a
mortgage deal that was designed to fail.
The SECs argument was that Goldmans
hedge-fund client helped design the deal
specifically to bet against it without
Goldman explaining the relationship to
investors. In July, Goldman settled for
$550 million (or about two weeks worth
of profit, admitting a mistake but no
wrongdoing.
The idea of betting against deals
lies at the center of a number of other
investigations as well. The SEC is
looking into whether JPMorgan Chase
allowed a hedge fund named Magnetar to
choose assets for a mortgage deal without
disclosing Magnetars role in selecting
what went into the deal. As ProPublica
reported in April with the radio programs
This American Life and NPRs Planet
Money, Magnetar encouraged banks to
put together riskier deals and bought the
riskiest bond slices that otherwise may
have been unsold. Magnetar then bet
against some of those deals, standing to
make far more by shorting its losses on
those risky slices if the housing market
went south.
U.S. prosecutors are also looking
into whether Morgan Stanley created
a series of CDOs that its own trading
desks bet against , the Wall Street Journal
reported in May. A few months later it
reported on how Deutsche Bank also
bet against the souring housing market
at the same time it was marketing new
mortgage deals.
The SEC is also looking into whether
Citigroup improperly encouraged an
independent manager to stuff a deal
with leftover pieces of other deals
that it couldnt sell in the market. In
September, ProPublica and NPRs Planet
Money reported on self-dealing among
CDOs, showing how banks structured
deals to buy portions of each others
often leftover inventory of hard-to-sell
pieces. This created a daisy-chain of
investments that manufactured demand,
thereby prolonging the housing bubble.
The SEC has said it is investigating
one independent management firm and
looking into about 50 others.
The year ended with rumors of mass
settlements, where banks and the SEC
settle broadly over their CDO practices
rather than battling over individual deals,
according to the Wall Street Journal.
Deal-by-deal fights may flame up in
courts, however, with investors pushing
banks to buy back sour deals, egged
on by new evidence that banks may
have known the mortgages underlying
the deals were flawed. With such
complicated shenanigans going on behind
the scenes, investigators also want to
know how banks hid their exposure to
these risky securities from investors. The
investigations are looking into various
tactics, from general misstatements, like
the Citigroups $75 million settlement
with the SEC for not disclosing $40
billion in subprime risk, to accounting
maneuvers that moved certain deals off
bank balance sheets.
In the spring, a court-appointed
examiner in the bankruptcy of failed
investment bank Lehman Brothers shined
a light on a practice known as Repo
105, where Lehman moved $50 billion
in assets off its books right before it had
to submit investor reports. Last week,
the New York attorney general filed civil
charges against the accounting firm Ernst
& Young, saying it had substantially
assisted Lehmans house-of-cards
business model that misled investors.
Executives from the now-bankrupt
Lehman have not been charged.
Despite revelations coming up and
down the financial spectrum, there
have been no major criminal charges
and almost no civil charges against
executives. And while the SEC and
some government prosecutors have been
active, federal bank regulators have so
far been quiet.
This all comes as Congress passed
the Dodd-Frank financial reform bill this
summer, seeking to overhaul the oversight
of everything from mortgage securities
to how banks make bets with their own
money. As regulators hammer out the
rules of the reforms, the devil may lie in
the hotly contested details.
7 January 13, 2011
8
January 13, 2011
10
January 13, 2011
Peace and blessings. Hope you have
been good out there. Congrats to Columbia
City Paper for being one of the truly funky
papers around. Hope your holiday music
season was well. 2011 is upon us and
the music keeps rolling on. Last issue we
covered a few treats to fill your stockings
this holiday season. Today well look back
at the best releases of 2010. Lets get it.
2010s BEST & BRIGHTEST
(download today in no particular
order)!!!
1) Bun B Trill O.G. (My personal
favorite joint of 2010)
2) B.O.B.- Adventures of Bobby Ray
3) Bruno Mars- DooWop &
Hooligans
4) Rick Ross- Teflon Don
5) Kanye West My Beautiful Dark
Twisted Fantasy
6) Eminem- Recovery
7) Drake- Thank Me Later
8) Lloyd Banks- Hunger For More 2
9) Slum Village- Villa Manifesto
10) Nicki Minaj Pink Friday
11) Lil Wayne Im Not A Human
Being
12) Jazmine Sullivan- Love Me Back
13) Faith Evans Something About
Faith
14) Fantasia Back to Me
15) T.I. No Mercy
16) Kings Of Leon Come around
sundown
17) John Legend & The Roots
WAKE UP!!!
18) Chrisette Michele Let Freedom
Reign
19) The Black Keys - Brothers
20) Pimp C- The Naked Soul of Sweet
Jones
21) Skyzoo & Illmind Live from the
tape deck
22) KRS ONE & Trumaster -
Metahistorical
23) Black Milk Album Of The Year
24) David Banner & 9
th
Wonder
Death Of A Pop Star
25) Wacka Flocka - Flockaveli
26) Michael Jackson - Michael
27) The Decemberists The King Is
Dead
28) Crystal Bowersox Farmers
Daughter
29) R. Kelly Love Letter
30) Josh Groban - Illuminations
WORDS OF WISDOM
Enjoy all the time you are given!!!
DJ Kingpin (kingpinvillianofvinyl@gmail.
com)
11 January 13, 2011
ONE MORE WAY THE SYSTEM HAS FOUND TO SCREW
US
It sounds benign enough
misclassifcation of workers. Probably just
a clerical error, right?
Wrong! The intentional misclassifcation
of workers is the means by which many
employers in this state and around the
country cheat workers out of wages, screw
the Social Security system and evade state
and federal taxes. Misclassifcation refers
to calling workers independent contractors
when they are actually employees.
Though illegal, the ruse offers major
benefts to employers who practice it.
Independent contractors do not have to be
paid minimum wage and overtime. They
are not protected by many of the health
and safety regulations that protect payroll
employees and they have no protection to
organize. Most importantly, the employer
is relieved of any responsibility to pay into
the Social Security fund on behalf of an
independent contractor; does not pay into
the states unemployment insurance fund
or buy workmans compensation insurance;
is not obligated to check a contractors
immigration status.
The employer is relieved of a lot of
paperwork by classifying his workers as
contractors. Part of that paperwork is the
withholding of state and federal income tax.
A 2007 study by the General Accounting
Offce showed that 10 million workers
were illegally classifed as independent
contractors in the United States and the
numbers were climbing. Other studies have
found that perhaps 30 percent of employers
misclassify some or all of their workers.
As a result, employers cheat the federal
government out of $4.7 billion in revenues,
according to the GAO study. Some studies
put the number closer to $7 billion. In this
time of soaring budget defcits, this is a
glaring loophole that cries out to be closed
and it isnt even legal.
Misclassifcation of workers has
another toxic side effect. Employers
who cheat on their classifcation can cut
payroll by as much as 30 percent, making
it almost impossible for honest employers
to compete. They often fnd they have no
alternative but to join the cheaters, creating
a vicious downward spiral of tax evasion
and impoverished workers.
The intentional misclassifcation of
workers has been a plague for years, but
has gotten worse since 2008, as employers
sought to downsize their workforces,
yet maintain fexibility in the sputtering
economy.
Misclassifcation of workers is against
federal law, because it involves evasion
of federal taxes, Social Security and other
responsibilities. The U.S. departments of
Treasury and Labor have special task forces
assigned to enforcing federal laws regulating
the use of independent contractors. President
Obama has given those departments a
special $25 million allocation to address
the problem of misclassifcation. Its a good
investment. Billions of dollars in revenue
are lost through misclassifcation.
There are some gray areas between
employees and independent contractors, but
for the most part the division is pretty clear.
An employer stipulates the time, place and
manner of the work to his employees, and
provides tools and supervision for the work.
An independent contractor is in
business for herself. She is free to do a job in
her own time and place, by her own means.
The employer does not control her process.
This may be important to know as tax
forms go out in a few weeks. Employees
receive 1040 IRS forms; contractors
receive 1099 forms. If you think that you
are an employee, but you receive a 1099
form, it might be time to pick up the phone
and call the local IRS offce. But it wont
do any good to call the S.C. Department of
Revenue.
In recent years, some 30 states have
passed laws against misclassifcation of
workers. Needless to say, South Carolina
was not among them. Other states are eager
to enforce the law and capture revenue lost
through misclassifcation. But in South
Carolina, nothing like this has been passed
and nothing like it has been prefled in
the General Assembly going into the new
legislative session.
In the past year this state has faced
an epic budget shortfall. We have seen
health, environmental and other services
cut back. The state has had to borrow over
$100 million from the federal government
to pay unemployment benefts. There is
even talk of cutting 10 days off the school
year in one of the worst school systems
in the country. And yet tens of millions of
dollars in revenue are being lost to cheating
employers every year, revenue that could
be recovered by diligent enforcement of
existing laws. But our GOP-dominated
legislature has shown no interest in making
the effort. The Republican behavior speaks
volumes about their true values. They talk
a good game about closing tax loopholes
and living within our means, but when
these preachments come in confict with the
states wild west business culture, business
wins out every time.
As always, the legislature is here to
serve wealth and power. So it has always
been. So it will be in 2011.
12
January 13, 2011
Road TRip
New Years 12/31/10
:: Friday
Of Montreal
40 Watt Club
Athens, GA
The Highballs
Melting Point
Athens, GA
The Glitch Mob
Dubconscious
New Earth Music
Hall Athens,
The Hypsys
Rye Bar Athens,
Bloodkin The
Georgia Bar
Athens, GA
Charlie Wilson
Chrisette Michele
Atlanta Civic Center
Atlanta, GA

Coolio
Soul Asylum
Hyatt Regency
Atlanta, GA
Zac Brown Band
The Wood Brothers
Casey Driessen
Philips Arena
Atlanta, GA

The Constellations
Smiths Olde Bar
Atlanta, GA

Gentleman Jesse and
His Men
Gringo Star
Noot dNoot
The Earl Atlanta,
ANASIA The
Masquerade
Atlanta, GA

Bassnectar
ANASIA
Paper Diamond
The Tabernacle
Atlanta, GA
Perpetual Groove
Variety Playhouse
Atlanta, GA

Holman Autry Band
Club Chrome
Bogart, GA
Dirt
Good Ol Days
Cumming, GA
Michelle Malone
Crimson Moon Cafe
Dahlonega, GA

Matthew Perryman
Jones Eddies
Attic Decatur,
Jason Michael Carroll
Duluth Amphitheatre
Duluth, GA
Jake Owen Wild
Bills Duluth GA
Col. Bruce Hampton
The Hummingbird
Macon, GA

Josh Roberts
and the Hinges
Buffingtons
Milledgeville, GA
(look for Gullard)
Ophir Drive
Walk The Line
Swainsboro, GA
The Train Wrecks
Tybee Island Social
Club Tybee
Island, GA
The Avett Brothers
The David Mayfield
Parade Asheville
Civic Center
Asheville, NC

Reigning Sound
Grey Eagle
Asheville, NC
Clutch
Righteous Fool
Orange Peel
Asheville, NC
Porch Dog Revival
Canyons Blowing
Rock, NC

Simplified
Amos Southend
Charlotte, NC
Keller Williams
Larry Keel
Neighborhood
Theatre
Charlotte, NC

Wicked Jones
Saint Diablo
Rock University
Charlotte, NC

Concrete Jumpsuit
The Philosophers
Stone
Charlotte, NC
Big Daddy Love
Broad Street Cafe
Durham, NC
Toubab Krewe
Jonathan Scales (Jon
Scales Fourchestra)
The Blind Tiger
Greensboro, NC

Greensboro
Symphony
Westover Church
Greensboro, NC

Sol
Kernersville NYE
Bash
Kernersville, NC
Near Gravity
DMcGearys
King, NC

Yesterdays Gravy
Electric Soul
Pandemic
Duk Tan The
Bathtub Gin
Mooresville, NC
Yarn
Possum Jenkins
Berkeley Cafe
Raleigh, NC
Donna The Buffalo
Holy Ghost Tent
Revival First
Night Raleigh
Raleigh, NC
Danny Paisley & the
Southern Grass
First Presbyterian
Church Raleigh,
NC
North Carolina
Symphony
Meymandi Concert
Hall Raleigh,
The Mantras
The Pour House
Music Hall Raleigh,
Lowtech Army
Headway The
Calico Room
Wilmington, NC
THE EMBERS
Winston-Salem
Entertainment Sports
Complex Winston-
Salem, NC

The Blue Dogs
Charleston Crystal
Ball/Marriott Hotel
Charleston, SC
The New
Mastersounds
The Music Farm
Charleston, SC
Sol Driven Train
Dangermuffin
James Justin & Co.
The Pour House
Charleston, SC

BarlowGirl Beach
Church Myrtle
Beach, SC
Corey Smith
American Aquarium
House of Blues
N. Myrtle Beach

Gaslight Street
Fiery Rons Home
Team BBQ
Sullivans Island,
Skillet
Gatlinburg
Convention Center
Gatlinburg, TN
Thursday January 13
New Brookland Tavern
6:pm $10/$12
Casey Jones
Death Before Dishonor
The Mongoloids
Hundredth
Friday January 14
New Brookland Tavern
WUSC Dance Party w/:
Alejandro, Bobby Sweat,
Buckmaster
The White Mule
Magnetic Flowers w/ Elonzo,
The Black Halo Reservation
Saturday January 15
Art Bar
5 Steps, The Losos
Monday January 17
New Brookland Tavern
Obits
Gentleman Jesse And His Men
Tuesday January 18
New Brookland Tavern
7:00pm $10/$12
Kylesa
Zoroaster
Fight Amp
Carolina Chupacabra
Wish
Wednesday January 19
New Brookland Tavern
6pm $5/$8 A Brighter Life (EP
Release Show)
Behold The Messenger
This Is Home
Fusebox Poet
10pm
Digital Rapport
Ben G
Pop Deez
Thursday January 20
New Brookland Tavern
8pm $8/$10
Colour Revolt
Valley Maker (Austin Crane)
Junior Astronomers
Friday January 21
New Brookland Tavern
Sequoyah
The Restoration
Thief
Caleb Caudle & The Bayonets
The White Mule
Cravin Melon w/ Brent Lundy
Saturday January 22
Art Bar
Those Darlins, The Mercy
Shot, Say Brother
Township Auditorium
Kevin Hart
The White Mule
Packway Handle Band w/
Emily Lynch
Sunday January 23
New Brookland Tavern
8pm $5/$7
Sun-Dried Vibes
Doco
TBA
Monday January 24
New Brookland Tavern
NBTs Acoustic Competition
Tuesday January 25
Village Idiot Pizza & Pub
Conmcrete Jumpsuit
Thursday January 27
The White Mule
Woody Pines w/ tba
Friday, January 28, 2011
8pm $5/$8
The Private Life Of David
Reed
Pinna
Alien Carnival
Saturday, January 29
5pm $5/$8
New Brookland Tavern
We Sail At Dawn
Chivalry
Currents
From Tomorrow
Saying Goodbye To Scarlett
9pm Foley
All-New Badges
Venice Is Sinking
High Roses Grow
Sunday January 30
New Brookland Tavern
7:30 $8/$10
The Memorials
Just Like Vinyl
Thank God!
The Golden Pyramids
Obits, veterans of the
indie rock scene will be
at New Brookland Tavern
on Monday, January 17th.
Think of them as if the best
indie rock you ever heard
was put in a blender with
great punk, and you now
have an Obits smoothie.
Lead guitarist/vocalist
Rick Froberg is just over
40 years of age and is still
rocking the indie scene.
Froberg was previously a
member of Pitchfork, Hot
Snakes and Drive Like Jehu
and hooked up with his
current bandmates in New
York. On drums is Scott
Gursky of Shortstack, on
bass Greg Simpson, and
joining on guitar and vocals
is Sohrab Habibion, for-
merly of Edsel.
Their 2009 debut re-
lease I Blame You has
been called one of the
most relevant slices of rock
youll hear.
They will sure to be
playing some new hits with
a new album set to release
on 3/29 so check out this
show!
music@
columbiacitypaper.com
13
January 13, 2011
movie times
Movie times listed are
for the weekend of
January 14th. Please
confrm times with
theater.
Regal Columbia
Cinema 7
3400 Forest Drive
Suite 3000, Columbia,
SC 29204
Season of the Witch
new! (PG-13)
2:40 5:00 7:20 9:40
Gullivers Travels 3D
(PG)
2:05 4:30 7:00 9:30
Country Strong (PG-
13)
2:10 4:50 7:40 10:20
Little Fockers (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
2:20 4:40 7:10 9:50
The Fighter (R)
2:15 4:55 7:45 10:30
Tron: Legacy 3D (PG)
2:00 4:45 7:30 10:15
The Tourist (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
2:30 5:10 7:35 10:00
Carmike Wynnsong
10
5320 Forest Drive,
Columbia, SC 29206
The Dilemma new!
(PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:30 4:15 7:00 9:40
The Green Hornet 3D
new! (PG-13)
Digital 3D
1:35 4:30 7:10 9:45
The Green Hornet
new! (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:55 4:50 7:25 10:00
The Heart Specialist
new! (NR)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:25 4:10 7:05 9:35
True Grit (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:25 1:55 4:00 4:30
6:30 7:05 9:05 9:40
How Do You Know
(PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:40 4:25 7:15 9:55
Yogi Bear (PG)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:25 3:55
The Chronicles of
Narnia: The Voyage
of the Dawn Treader
(PG)
DP (Digital
Projection)
6:55 9:35
Black Swan (R)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:40 4:15 6:55 9:40
Tangled 3D (PG)
Digital 3D
1:35 4:05 6:35 9:05
AMC Dutch Square
14
800 Bush River Rd.,
Columbia, SC 29210
Regal Columbiana
Grande Stadium 14
1250 Bower Pkwy,
Columbia, SC 29212
The Dilemma new!
(PG-13, No Passes)
1:50 2:30 4:45 5:10
7:20 7:50 9:50 10:30
The Green Hornet
3D new! (PG-13, No
Passes)
1:00 2:00 4:00 4:40
7:00 7:30 9:45 10:20
The Heart Specialist
new! (NR)
2:40 5:05 7:40 10:00
True Grit (PG-13)
1:20 2:20 4:10 5:00
7:05 7:35 9:35 10:05
How Do You Know
(PG-13)
1:25 4:25 7:15 10:10
Yogi Bear (PG)
1:50 3:50 6:45 9:20
The Chronicles of
Narnia: The Voyage of
the Dawn Treader 3D
(PG)
1:15 4:05 6:50 9:30
Black Swan (R)
2:15 4:50 7:25 9:55
The Kings Speech (R)
1:30 4:20 7:10 10:15
Tangled (PG)
2:10 4:35 6:55 9:15
Harry Potter and the
Deathly Hallows: Part
1 (PG-13, No Passes)
1:10 6:40
Unstoppable (PG-13)
4:15 9:45
Carmike 14
122 Afton Court,
Columbia, SC 29212
Season of the Witch
new! (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30
Gullivers Travels
(2010) (PG)
DP (Digital
Projection)
2:10 4:30 7:15 9:40
Gullivers Travels 3D
(PG)
Digital 3D
1:45 4:10 6:30 9:10
Country Strong (PG-
13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:00 4:00 6:55 9:45
Little Fockers (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:15 2:15 3:40 4:50
6:20 7:30 9:00 10:00
The Fighter (R)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:40 4:25 7:10 9:50
Tron: Legacy (PG)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:20 4:05 6:55 9:45
Tron: Legacy 3D (PG)
Digital 3D
1:00 2:20 3:50 5:10
6:40 8:00 9:30
The Tourist (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:10 2:10 3:45 5:00
6:30 7:45 9:25
Burlesque (PG-13)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:05 6:40
Love and Other Drugs
(R)
DP (Digital
Projection)
3:55 9:35
Due Date (R)
DP (Digital
Projection)
1:50 4:20 6:45 9:20
Regal Sandhill
Stadium 16 450 Town
Center Place
The Dilemma new!
(PG-13)
12:10 1:40 2:40 4:10
5:10 7:10 7:40 9:50
10:20
The Green Hornet 3D
new! (PG-13)
12:00 1:00 2:40 4:30
5:20 7:30 8:00 10:15
10:45
The Green Hornet
new! (PG-13)
12:30 4:00 7:00 9:45
The Heart Specialist
new! (NR)
12:25 2:45 5:05 7:25
9:45
Season of the Witch
new! (PG-13)
12:20 2:50 5:15 7:50
10:10
Country Strong (PG-
13)
1:30 4:15 7:15 10:00
Little Fockers (PG-13)
2:45 5:05 7:35 10:00
Open Captioned &
Descriptive Audio
12:15pm
True Grit (PG-13)
12:00 2:35 5:10 7:45
10:25
The Fighter (R)
12:15 2:50 5:20 7:55
10:30
Tron: Legacy 3D (PG)
1:10 4:05 7:05 9:55
Yogi Bear (PG)
12:20 2:25 4:35 6:55
The Tourist (PG-13)
7:25 9:55
Black Swan (R)
12:05 2:30 5:00 7:35
10:05
The Kings Speech (R)
1:20 4:20 7:20 10:10
Tangled (PG)
12:05 2:30 4:55
Harry Potter and the
Deathly Hallows: Part
1 (PG-13)
9:40pm
Nickelodeon
http://www.
nickelodeon.org/ 937
Main Street
THE TILLMAN
STORY
Pat Tillmans family
comes forward to tell
the real story about
what happened on
April 22, 2004, in
Afghanistan when the
pro football player-
turned-U.S. soldier
was killed by friendly
fre and not the Taliban,
as frst reported.
Amir Bar-Levs
documentary pieces
together the Tillmans
search for the truth,
how they exposed a
military cover-up that
led to top-ranking
offcers and called to
the carpet the likes of
Donald Rumsfeld.
JANUARY 14-20,
Friday-Thursday
Friday, Jan. 14 - 3:00,
6:00 and 8:00
Saturday, Jan. 15 -
3:00, 6:00 and 8:00
Sunday, Jan. 16 - 3:00,
6:00 and 8:00
Monday, Jan. 17 - 6:00
and 8:00
Tuesday, Jan. 18 - 6:00
and 8:00
Wednesday, Jan. 19 -
3:00, 6:00 and 8:00
Thursday, Jan. 20 -
6:00 and 8:00
St. Andrews Cinema
5 527 St Andrews
Road Columbia, SC
29210 (803) 772-7469
Please call
Regal Pastime
Pavilion 8 929 North
Lake Drive, Lexington,
SC 29072
Back in 2000, Meet the Parents earned big
bucks at the box office by pitting Ben Stillers
patented tightly-wound schlub persona against
Robert De Niros potentially homicidal tough-
guy persona. See, the former persona wanted to
propose to the daughter of the latter persona,
and hence hilarity ensued. While Meet the
Parents was highly enjoyable, the 2004 sequel
Meet the Fockers arguably improved upon the
formula, as De Niros outlandish suspicions and
sabotage at long last met their match in the face
of Stillers freewheeling hippie parents. The
next logical step in the series was to introduce
children into the equation, and 2010s Little
Fockers complies with this logic (why not
Meet the Little Fockers, though?). Despite the
change in director (Paul Weitz replaced Jay
Roach) and the mostly negative reviews, Little
Fockers is far more entertaining and amusing
than a second sequel has any right to be. When
it comes to harmless family entertainment, you
could do far worse than this.
Many years have passed in the Focker
household. Little Fockers finds male nurse
Gaylord Greg Focker (Stiller) and his wife
Pam (Polo) raising twins Samantha (Tahan)
and Henry (Baiocchi) in a suburb of Chicago.
Facing mounting bills and about to move into
a new house, Greg agrees to shill an erectile-
dysfunction drug for attractive pharmaceutical
rep Andi Garcia (Alba). At the start of the film,
the twins birthday is fast approaching, meaning
that grandparents and friends will soon be
arriving in Chicago. The birthday is complicated
by two factors, however. Principally, that Pams
father Jack (De Niro) has a minor heart attack
and deems it necessary to select a patriarch to
lead the familys next generation, and decides
to hand the role to Greg. In order for Greg to
attain this title, however, Jack has to consider
him worthy, which leads to meddling, spying
and background checks. On top of this, Pams
insufferable ex-boyfriend Kevin (Wilson) has
dropped in for a visit.
Interestingly, despite the title implying that
the focus has been shifted to the younger Focker
generation, Little Fockers is still predominantly
concerned with the adult cast. Nonetheless,
while the kids do not receive a great deal of
screen-time, they still have a fairly substantial
bearing on the story (the birthday party does set
the plot in motion). However, theres not much
of a story here anyway; Little Fockers is a lot
of vignettes connected by a lazy script. The
random plot threads lurking within such as
the attempt to get the twins into a distinguished
school, the troubles with the builders working
on Greg and Pams new house, and the attempts
to market the erectile-dysfunction medication
do not lead to payoffs, as they merely hit brick
walls and are never brought up again (a lot of
re-writing and re-editing occurred during post-
production, so perhaps the resolutions of these
plotlines were left on the cutting room floor).
At least Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers
had their respective plot strands resolved.
Speaking of the previous movies, little mention
is made of characters such as Denny and Little
Jack, which is disappointing.
Yet, while plot and story are not a strong
suit in the case of Little Fockers and while
Jack being mistrustful of Greg is highly
reminiscent of the previous movies, this
second sequel nonetheless delivers its fair
share of belly laughs (including a very amusing
Jaws homage). After a slow start, the movie
eventually settles into an amiable groove and
holds steady; remaining highly entertaining
until the very end. Paul Weitz afforded the
film a gloriously brisk pace, though anyone
expecting start-to-finish laughter will most
likely walk away disappointed. In particular,
there are not enough scenes taking advantage
of the family dynamic. Despite John Hamburg
having a hand in the scripting (he co-wrote
Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers), there
are a few sections which are devoid of genuine
laughs. However, Little Fockers at least never
grows excruciating in between the belly laughs
theres a great deal of energy. This is more
than what can be said for a lot of other comedy
duds which were unleashed upon the world in
2010, such as Grown-Ups and Vampires Suck.
Unsurprisingly, Stiller and De Niro kept
doing their usual shtick here. Stiller neither
stands out nor underwhelms, while De Niro
gets a fair amount of laughs. For all of De
Niros attempts at self-parody, his character
of Jack Byrnes remains vividly-rendered. And
De Niro has a scene in which he fights with
a role played by Harvey Keitel. Its doubtful
this is the old-age reunion that De Niro and
Keitel imagined while working together on
Taxi Driver back in the 70s. Also in the cast
is Owen Wilson, who has more screen-time
than ever as Kevin. Wilson leaned on his usual
shtick here, and the result is a serviceable but
unremarkable performance. Despite her role
amounting to a glorified cameo, Blythe Danner
is her usual endearing self as Dina Byrnes,
while Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand
are often amusing but underused. Hoffman
is especially absent he did not take part in
principal photography; instead, he came back
for reshoots, and consequently plays no real
part in the story (not that theres much of a
story, mind you). Delivering more effectively
in the laughs department are Jessica Alba and
Laura Dern.
Theres not a great deal else which can
be said about Little Fockers. It is what it is
comfort food for the masses; an unthreatening,
unremarkable comedy. If you find this movie
hilarious, youll love it. If this type of humour
does not appeal to you, youll hate it. Admittedly,
Little Fockers is sillier than its predecessors
and not as funny as its predecessors (and,
frankly, not funny enough), but its difficult
to imagine fans of the franchise walking away
bitterly disappointed. With an A-list cast like
this pulling off exuberant personalities, this
is a predictable but not entirely unwelcome
addition to the Focker family.
6.1/10
Written by Cal
http://www.moviefilmreview.com/author/
PvtCaboose91
Any time I have
relationship questions,
I always ask my inner
Dan Savage, and he
never leads me astray!
My boyfriend and I
have had a wonderful
relationship for six
years. We have had
girlfriends in the past who were involved with
both of us simultaneously. He recently met a girl
and they instantly clicked. They have been on a
few datesnothing physical yetand she seems
infatuated with him. She is aware that he lives with
me/we are together, but Ive yet to meet her. I am
fne with them dating, but I have a few questions:
1. My guy and I share everything. Hes shown
me her texts and told me about her life. We both
feel slightly uncomfortable with me knowing
such personal things about her without meeting
her, but we dont want to limit the intensely open
communication we have earned with each other.
How much am I entitled to know about her/them,
and how can he tell me about her without being
disrespectful?
2. Can I meet her? Under what circumstances?
3. Can this end well for her? Every girl weve
dated has ended up hurt because our relationship
with each other is always more important than
she is. I worry this girl will be devastated when he
doesnt leave me for her. Should he squelch all the
romance now? Shes had a rough few years, and he
doesnt want to add to her problems. Should he even
consider bringing her into our relationship? Things
always end badly for the other girl, and I dont want
to hurt her.
Curious And Respectful
Your outer Dan Savage wont lead you astray
either, CAR, but he will smack you around:
1. Your guy needs to tell this girl that he shares
absofuckinlutely everything with you. He needs to
tell her that hes in a successful open relationship
successful for you two, anywayand that he
has no intention of limiting the intensely open
communication that has made your relationship
work. She needs to know that youre hearing about
their dates and the details of her life, reading every
text, etc.
2. Sure, you can meet heryou
absofuckinlutely should meet her, CAR, as soon as
possible. How about under coffee circumstances?
Or drinks circumstances? Or dinner circumstances?
3. Um... gee. If every girl you two have ever
dated has wound up hurt, CAR, then a reasonable
person might conclude that YOURE DOING THIS
OPEN-RELATIONSHIP SHIT ALL WRONG. Your
wonderful open relationship may be working for
you, but if its not working for them, CAR, then its
not working.
So your outer Dan Savage is ordering you
to refrain from inviting anyone else into your
wonderful relationship until you get a handle on
whats so un-fucking-wonderful about it for your
thirds. If you cant come up with anythingif its
really not anything youre doing wrongthen you
should have a few laminated cards made that read,
Hell never leave me for you, his relationship
with me will ALWAYS be more important than his
relationship with you, and this will most likely end
in tears for you. Enjoy the ride.
Finally, CAR, if this woman is reeling from a
rough few years and she cant handle more heartache
right now and everyone youve ever messed around
with has gotten hurt and you elect to bring her
into your relationship despite my advice, then at
least have the decency to stop pretending that you
give a shit about the people you mess around with.
Fuck her, fuck her over, move onbut dont stand
there wringing your hands, pretending that youre
just heartsick about the damage you two are doing
to people.
My 20-year-old brother is gay. He came out to
my momshe found his Facebook profle; he hasnt
come out to anyone else in the family, but we all
found out anyway. (I already knew because I would
be treated to some interesting porn whenever I
opened the browser on the family computer after he
used it.) Ive voiced my acceptance of homosexuality
while he is around, but he hasnt come out. Should
I pull him aside and tell him that the family is okay
with him?
His Straight Big Brother
If you wanted to pull your brother aside to tell
him the same shit every homo on earth has heard
ten million times by age 20I love you, bro, but
Jesus said that every time two dudes get it on, an
angel gets an anal fssureI would advise you to
keep your mouth shut. But since youre supportive,
and mom already knows, and its on his freakin
Facebook page, pull the little coward aside. Tell
him everybody knows, everybody loves him, but
everybody is sick of having to pretend that they
dont know what they damn well do.
Im a hetero guy in my late 20s. Ive been
dating a woman I am crazy about for two months.
We waited a little while to have sex, but once we
fnally did, during the ensuing pillow talk she
probed my general fantasies and I dropped that I
sometimes fantasize about superheroines. Despite
the fact that these fantasies are otherwise very
vanilla, she freaked out and said it refects some kind
of deep psychological problems and fundamental
immaturity.
Dan, these women are drawn to appeal to what
the inner pubescent boy in every hetero guy wants!
Can you weigh in on whether theres something
unhealthy about a grown man fantasizing about
Supergirl and Zatanna?
Superheroines Unconsciously Permeate Erotic
Romps
Theres nothing unhealthy about a grown man
fantasizing about superheroines, SUPER, but there
is something deeply disturbing about a grown man
using the present tense the way you did in your
letter. You wrote a woman I am crazy about, when
what you clearly should have said was a woman I
was crazy about.
She drew you out after sex and encouraged
you to open up to her about your sexual fantasies,
and then she stomped on you like that? That was an
asshole move on her part, borderline emotionally/
sexually abusive, and I hope you arranged to have
the door hit her in the ass on her way out of your
apartment.
I love it when you invent words, and I want to
nominate a nameless phenomenon that sometimes
afficts boring het guys like me (as well as all other
guys): The blockage that is created by dried semen
on the tip of your dick after sex. You wake up at
3:00 a.m. to drop a line after dozing off after sex,
and either the urine gets blocked for a moment and
then bursts out like a geyser (which kinda hurts) or
the blockage is only partial and the piss sprays off
at some crazy angle and gets all over the foor or the
walls (which kinda sucks). This phenomenon should
have a name!
Cant Spell Neologism Without Gism
Im tempted to ask SUPER what his
girlfriends name is, CSNWG, because if anyone
on earth deserves to be forever associated with a
crusty blockage that has to be pissed away after sex,
its her. But Im sure my readersthe folks behind
santorumcan come up with something better.
Gang?
mail@savagelove.net
14
January 13, 2011
Love
Savage
Sex advice
by Dan Savage
Jonesin crosswords
by Matt Jones
Across
1 Bullets
5 Quiet assassin
10 Bucket of chicken piece
14 Short Tim Conway character in
sports-themed videos
15 Dances at weddings
16 ___-Day vitamins
17 Undulating dance
18 Athletes superstitious footwear
from Reagan and Clinton?
20 New Mexico or Colorado county
22 Grand ___ Opry
23 Former South Korean president
___ Tae-woo
24 Board game partner from Nixon
and Clinton?
29 How the apathetic feel
30 I hate ___ to pieces! (Mr. Jinks
catchphrase)
33 Major school of Buddhism
37 Pi, for instance
38 Bust ___ (laugh really hard)
39 Dumb male hunk from LBJ and
Obama?
42 Poi base
43 Charlotte ___ (clothing store)
45 Handout at the doctors office
47 Does some tailoring
49 Deal ___ Deal
50 Pasta-corn concoction from
Kennedy and Carter?
56 TakinCare of Business group,
to fans
58 Direction opposite WSW
59 Response to Swiper, no swiping!
on Dora the Explorer
60 Park workers hangout for Bush
Sr. and Bush Jr.?
65 ___ Rock (Simon & Garfunkel
song)
66 Neighborhood
67 Couples, in the tabloids
68 Cub or Card, for short
69 Along time to wait
70 Oklahoma tribe
71 What ___ is there?
Down
1 Improvised, like a committee
2 Roof location
3 1957 hit by The Bobbettes
4 Joan ___
5 Home of the Penguins
6 Debt voucher
7 Govt. agency that oversees reactors
8 One of the Brothers Grimm
9 It may be sought
10 Do some courting
11 How some tableware is created
or etched
12 Hold On, Hold On singer Case
13 Deep cut
19 Passover feast
21 ___ me (Im fine with it)
25 In the Valley of ___ (2007
Tommy Lee Jones film)
26 Rajahs wife
27 Itll all come out in the wash
28 Companion of taxes
31 Dublins land
32 Chimney sweep grime
33 Johnny formerly of The Smiths
34 Chills and fever
35 Bribery of sorts
36 In a daze
40 Home with hay bales
41 Defunct science magazine
44 Pageant host
46 Comic strip possum
48 Company behind Hello Kitty
51 Takes five
52 River that starts in the Swiss Alps
53 ___ thumbs...
54 Pacifies
55 Rimshot need
56 Ratatouille director Bird
57 American Pie actress Reid
61 Stove fuel
62 Princesss problem
63 Astonished text
64 Mao ___-tung
2011 JonesinCrosswords (editor@
jonesincrosswords.com)
ohnny formerly of The Smiths
34 Chills and fever
35 Bribery of sorts
36 In a daze
40 Home with hay bales
41 Defunct science magazine
44 Pageant host
46 Comic strip possum
48 Company behind Hello Kitty
51 Takes five
52 River that starts in the Swiss Alps
53 ___ thumbs
Prez Pet Parade--livin in the White House.
15
January 13, 2011