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Volume 1 • Issue 16 Columbia’s Only Locally Owned Alt Weekly March 31 - April 13

Virtual Reality
War p. 3

$76 a pop, S.C.’s going The Three Rivers

rate for a cyclist’s life p. 6 Music Festival’s
Sucking Sound p. 18
2 citypaper March 31, 2006 Letters

I N S I D E
3 3 David Axe In Iraq 10
5 Wheels of Justice
Often Roll Over Cyclists
10 Bank on Losing This may be the safest place for your money

11 State House Report

12 Mr. Meaner’s Crime Watch
14 The Soundboard Calendar, The
Whipping Post, & Hick’ry Hawkins
18 Three Rivers Music
Festival Sucks...Your Money
22 su|do|ku Puzzles & New York Times 18
5 City Paper begins investigation of
Crossword Three Rivers Music Festival

citypaper
columbia
Letters to the Reader
Dear SCANA, into. Our lawyer has been really busy
701 Gervais Street Suite 150-218 Here’s our new feature until you get off your asses and spend 50 bucks from the lately but don’t worry, he’ll be reminding
Columbia, SC 29201 $320 million you made last year. We are calling it the SCE&G F$!k Eau Claire you what a turd you are for acting like
www.columbiacitypaper.com counter. While you agreed not to take Judith Jone’s property, there’s still trash there’s a newspaper rack lost and
found. The CCP racks and the Snitch
among the tall grass you never mow right smack in the middle of a residential
Publisher Paul F. Blake racks that we haven’t converted need
neighborhood. We think the Eau Claire should sue to move your ass out of their to be returned now. The good news in
803.446.3458 backyards. In our opinion, you are “a bad neighbor.” the end is that they are replaceable, but
Editor Corey Hutchins no one can change the fact that you
are a thief, criminal and just an overall
General Sales Manager unethical douchebag.
Todd Morehead Columbia City Paper
803-740-9090
Music Editor Sean Rayford
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Contributors Alice Addertongue,

Polly Baker, Andy Brack, Max
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Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume
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per or its publisher. (C)2006 Columbia City
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31 days of f$!k eau claire
Dear Pot Holes,
We notice that you only get filled
in around election time. Mr. Hole, this
week right in front of our office, city
workers were all over you. The only
thing lower than you is the person in
charge of the timing of this fix.
Columbia City Paper
Dear Publishers,
This newspaper was started with
a second mortgage, car refinancing,
blood, sweat and a little elbow grease.
(No investors or special interests) Now
that we’ve taken off, we thought it was
time to address a certain low down piece
of s#!t that has been stealing racks and
boxes we invested thousands of dollars
Dear Rick Quinn,
We know you’re running for South
Carolina Treasurer and everything and
were just wondering what the hell you
were doing wrestling around on the
ground with Greenville Representative
Daniel Trip the other night outside a bar
in the Vista. Hey, you got my vote just
for that alone.
Columbia City Paper
Write us @
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
 Iraq
Virtual Reality War
Marine Corps fighter pilots fight the insurgency from 10,000 feet
Al Asad airbase, Iraq -- In early
November, thousands of Marines and
soldiers swept through desolate Al
Anbar province in western Iraq, pushing
through the cities of Ar Ramadi, Hit
and Kubaysah, aiming for the Syrian
border. The goal, according to Marine
Corps intelligence officer Capt. Jeremy
Demott, was to “cleanse the province” of
Sunni insurgents and foreign fighters.
The fighting was intense.
One group of Marines came under
fire from 50 insurgents in a four story
hotel. The Marines radioed the crews of
two Hornet fighter jets flying overhead.
Twenty-six-year-old Capt. Christine
Vallelly was in the back seat of one
Hornet, using a sophisticated camera
pod to scout for bad guys, when the
call for help came.
“So we dropped a laser-guided
bomb into the hotel, then our wingman
did, then we did again. Then there
were other flights. We had to go to the
tanker [to refuel]. Then we came back
Story & Photos By David Axe
and watched our wingman shoot his
gun at some guys fleeing the area.
Unfortunately,” she says, “they got
away.”
It’s a familiar story to the 38
aviators of Vallely’s unit, Marine All
Weather Fighter Attack Squadron
332 from Beaufort, S.C. Insurgents
nest in Al Anbar’s shambling cities
like rats. The urban environment
often thwarts the most sophisticated
sensors and weapons. Successful
attacks send surviving bad guys only
deeper underground. And despite
332’s relentless pace of operations and
hundreds of bombs dropped, insurgents
continue to ambush Marines on the
ground and plant roadside bombs that
blow up passing U.S. vehicles.
Sometimes it happens right under
the fliers’ noses.
“Near Ramadi, we saw guys digging,
putting an improvised explosive device
in the ground,” Vallely says. “We didn’t
have a gun in our jet, so our wingman
rolled in to shoot his gun. You could see
the insurgents throw their shovels and
run and hide in the bushes. We hit them
again, then two of them walked away.
Seeing those guys blatantly planting
a bomb in the daylight was one of my
most frustrating experiences.”
Some critics of the Iraq war say
the U.S. is trying to fight terrorists,
insurgents and religious extremists with
weapons and methods inherited from
the Cold War, where the threat was from
tank armies and high-tech bombers.
Proponents contend that Cold War
tools can be adapted to defeat 21st-
century insurgencies. The Moonlighters
wage their own battles in the middle
of this debate, launching every day to
bomb suspected insurgent hideouts
and using million-dollar sensors to track
thugs lugging AK-47s.
“Insurgents use improvised
explosive devices made of rusty bombs,
wires and batteries,” says Capt. Lindsay
Nelson, 27. “We counter their efforts
citypaper March 31, 2006 3
with $40 million airplanes and $2 million
[camera] pods,”
One video taken during a
Moonlighters mission shows satellite-
guided bombs flattening an abandoned
mansion reportedly housing an
insurgent cell. The roiling cloud of
smoke and dust cleared to reveal a
gutted building and mounds of charred
debris. Anyone inside would have been
vaporized in the blast or smashed in the
collapse of the building.
The crisp, silent video images belie
the grizzly results of 332’s work. “What
we do, it’s not nearly as cool as Top
Gun and the movies would make you
believe,” says 26-year-old 1st Lt. Donny
Hall, the squadron’s youngest and most
junior flier.
Massive overkill, the extreme
distance from which they attack and the
heavenly environment that is their day-
to-day milieu has a displacing effect on
these highly-trained aviators. “It’s so
sterile,” Hall says of his work.
4 Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006 Iraq

Controllers, or FACs, Marines on the ground. There were explosions going

ground whose job it is to talk jets onto off everywhere. It looked like fireworks
a target using radios. on the ground. I didn’t know what was
“A lot of [the FACs] are Marine enemy, what was friendly. All I knew
Corps aviators. They’re guys I went was my [backseater] said ‘That’s the
to flight school with,” says 29-year- target.’ I said, ‘Roger,’ rolled in there,
old Capt. Chris Arms. “When I talk to squeezed the trigger ... and thought,
a guy, I know that’s my buddy down ‘Holy cow.
there. I’m going to do everything I can, This is what it looks like.’
squeeze every drop of gas out of the When their remote war begins
airplane to stay on station as long as to take a psychological toll, the
I can. You got Marines on the ground, Moonlighters remind themselves that
Marines in the air ... it’s definitely a they’re here to help the Marines and
more personal relationship.” soldiers on the ground, the men and
On one mission supporting Steel women fighting the grueling daily
Curtain, some Marines were under battles in this lawless province.
attack from all angles. Their FAC was Hall says he got an email from his
begging for help the second Reedy wife back in Beaufort. She had just seen
and Arms, flying separate jets, arrived a video of some of the Moonlighters’
over the battlefield, but cloud cover missions. “She said she was really
prevented them from seeing any bad proud of me, because for each one of
guys and restricted what weapons those explosions, somebody’s getting
they could use. to go home to see their families ... you
L-R CPL Ryan Groleau, SGT Daniel Filbert, LCPL Joshua Brown, working on a “We’re going to have to get below know, you saved some lives out there.
jet in the Moonlighters’ hardened air shelter
the weather,” Reedy told the FAC. It made me proud to be doing what I’m
And during meals at Al Asad’s Iraq’s barren landscape than even the Parting the clouds to use their doing.”
bustling dining hall, the fliers are eager
most seasoned journalist. guns, the contested city coalesced Still, waging war from 10,000 feet
to ask this visiting journalist what it’s The sense of virtual reality is around them. Reedy describes a can seem rather abstract, and Hall
like outside the concrete and barbed- a common result of flying high hellish scene. Tracers stitched the says he forces himself to confront the
wire walls of their airbase. performance aircraft. Maj. Joseph landscape. reality of the bombs under his jet’s
Which is ironic, since on any one Reedy, 36, says low clouds below and Artillery flashed on impact. “That wings and of the Marines below who
of their daily missions, streaking over clear nights above create what fliers was the first time I’ve observed a lot are counting on him for help. “The big
Al Anbar at 10,000 feet, gazing all the call “the milk bowl”.
way to Baghdad, a hundred miles “The other night, we went out
away, or to the equally-distant Syrian and we were inside a cloud, and we
border, 332’s aircrews see more of couldn’t hardly see anything. We’re
inside this hazy layer
where it’s almost as
if ... we’re sitting
in Beaufort ... in a
simulator, because
there’s no real way
to know we’re
moving at 300 miles
per hour through
the sky. It was a
smooth night and
there wasn’t really
any wind, nothing
really flying by, no
sensation of moving
at all. The two feet
of this cockpit is
all there is, and
everything outside Lt. Col. David Pony Wilbur and his WSO, Maj. Nash Nasty Wainwright
the window is some
kind of simulated
environment.” of ground fire on the deck. We could thought is, please don’t let me screw
If there’s one see impacts. There was a big firefight this up.”
thing that pulls these going on there.”
“We were able to get enough David Axe is a freelance journalist
fliers’ heads out
airspace below the clouds,” Arms who lives in Columbia, S.C.
of the (proverbial)
clouds and dispels continues. “The first time we pointed
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
the feelings of our nose at the deck with the gun
unreality, its their was a pretty eye-opening experience,
1st Lt. Kevin Ace Lampinen close relationships because I’d never ‘til that point seen
with the Forward Air how much was going on on the
 Cover Story
Wheels of Justice
Often Roll Over Cyclists
BY CHRIS McCARTER
- -
When bikes meet motorists,
motorists win. But on SC’s
roadways, consistently near
the nation’s deadliest for
cyclists, paltry spending on
cycling accommodations,
uninformed and often hostile
attitudes of the driving public
– and sometimes even law
enforcement and the courts
– continue to compound the
dangers, despite subtle shifts
by state and local governments
to change the deadly cycle.
At 64, Nhiem Thi Kim had survived
the Vietnam War and Communist
takeover, followed by forced “re-
education,” seizure of all she owned,
and two decades toiling on collective
farms on the brink of famine.
But what finally did her in was
simply riding her bicycle along a South
Carolina roadway.
Kim was riding home from a Hilton
Head grocery store, a routine little half-
mile trek, when she was smacked from
behind by an SUV and died minutes
later.
It was last November, at the
midpoint of the kind of beautiful sunny
day Islanders brag about, and about
four years to the day from her flee to
America for a better life.
The 26-year-old SUV driver, Carol
Frances Zampino, was “distracted by a
cell phone” when she swerved off the
roadway and hit Kim, according to a
state trooper’s report.
“I was coming home about 1:15
and driving by I saw what looked like
my mom’s bike on the side of the road,”
says Tuan Nguyen, Kim’s 36-year-old
son. “My first impression was ‘please
God, let this not be my mom’s bike.’ ”
EMS had transported Kim, but
Nguyen saw the produce bag she
always mounted to her bike, surrounded
by scattered carrots, apples, her shoes
citypaper March 31, 2006 5
We Deliver New York Style
and parts of her clothes. Pizza To Your Door!
“I asked the officer if it was my
mom, and he showed me her driver’s
permit and Green Card,” says Nguyen,
who was separated for 20 years from
his mother since fleeing Vietnam in
1981, and was gradually reuniting his
family in the states. “And my worst
nightmare came true. I knew something
very wrong had happened.”
Kim was DOA at the hospital.
“I couldn’t understand, it was
so quick, with no chance to say
goodbye,” Nguyen said of his mother
who along with his father – a former
South Vietnamese Army regular – had
scrapped and saved to pay for him to
leave Vietnam, and came here in 2001
to help cook his meals, care for his
home and tend a garden.
But still practicing for her driver’s
license, Kim had planned to get a job at
an age when most Americans retire.
“She died taking care of us,” Nguyen
said of his mother who rode out to get
carrots for a traditional Vietnamese
soup for the family. “She always took
care of others, never herself – going by
bike to the store rather than waiting for
a ride.”
“If only I’d returned home earlier, I
GET HAMMERED!
could have taken her for carrots, and
she’d be alive,” says Nguyen, who’s
now left only with memories, a freezer
still full of his mom’s meals and her
well-worn English dictionary.
But for Kim’s husband, nine children
and dozens of grandkids grieving
on two sides of the globe, it’s what
T ALL BEER
happened next that’s seared the wound
W & LIQUOR
more deeply.
O IS
Dead Cyclist To Go: Just $76 $2 or $4
Zampino wasn’t ticketed at the Simple
scene, but was charged with “driving
too fast for conditions” two weeks later.
B
After several delays and continuances,
she plead no contest March 16 in
Y
Beaufort County Magistrate’s Court.
Neither Zampino nor her lawyer,
John Esposito, showed up for court
– it wasn’t required. Instead, Esposito
F
called the plea in by phone to Magistrate O
Joseph N. McDomick Jr.
Meanwhile, Nguyen said he was U
notified of the hearing just an hour
before, and no testimony was allowed. R
The penalty: A $76 fine and two
points off Zampino’s driving record.
“I stood up and walked out
dumbfounded,” says Nguyen, who Grill Open 7 Days A Week!
continued on page 6 715 Harden St. 256-7733
 6 Cover Story
Dead Cyclists From P. 5
had pushed for a charge of reckless
homicide, reckless driving, leaving the
scene (he says he’s gathered evidence
Zampino initially kept driving after
impact) or at least a measly failure-to-
yield charge.
“I could not believe it,” Nguyen says,
adding a few cycling supporters who
showed up shed tears. “You could hear
a pin drop. I thought this is not American
justice, it’s not how the American system
works.”
With just two siblings left in Vietnam,
life was returning to normal, but it’s now
ripped apart – not by Communists, but
by a S.C. justice system that doesn’t
protect cyclists.
Fourteenth Circuit Solicitor Duffie
Stone met with the S.C. Highway Patrol
on March 1 for a reconstruction of the
crash, and has said an investigation of
Kim’s case continues, which could lead
to more serious charges.
Nguyen is dubious.
“My impression is if solicitor’s office
has had five months and hasn’t charged
anything, they may think that’s long
enough,” says Nguyen. “They could do
more. But if it takes too long, this will
just get cold and go away.”
Kim’s saga illustrates two cruel
ironies: She endured and survived so
much oppression and peril only to die
by carelessness where she sought safe
haven, and was failed by the very justice
system the family fled to for protection.
“My father was fighting alongside
the Americans – he was gone so many
days and I missed him when I was
growing up,” Nguyen says. “But I was
taught to believe in American justice,
and knew we would do everything we
could to get here and make it our home.
So I believed that American justice
would help us have some closure in this
matter.”
Second-Class Citizens?
The Kim family still has faith in
American justice and equality. But with a
case seemingly so cut and dried, he said
he’s struggling against feeling that his
mother’s being Vietnamese, a woman, or
elderly, may be at play in what appears
as unequal justice.
As it turns out, it’s more likely that
riding a bike is the discriminatory factor,
according to cycling advocates.
“Unfortunately it’s too often the
case that the laws aren’t enforced in
crashes involving cyclists,” says Paul
LeFrancois, president of the Palmetto
Cycling Coalition. “And a lot of other
states take such cases more seriously.
citypaper March 31, 2006
There’s a perception that if you’re on a badly, they can’t voice their side of the
bicycle, you’re not afforded the same case until the motorist has given his
legal rights. You’re not treated [in an version. Sometimes they never interview
accident case] as if you were driving a the cyclist.”
motor vehicle. But in our state, and most
“It’s pretty common that police don’t
investigate bicycle accidents correct-
ly, and assume the bike rider has some
fault, whether it’s the case or not”
others, cyclists by law should be treated A Tale of two cyclists
as any other road vehicle, with the same
rights -- and responsibilities. Yet when Garrett Wonders, 25, known as
it comes to court cases, we’re often a rising star in bike racing and among
treated as second class citizens.” the Southeast’s fastest, was killed on a
Kim is hardly alone as the victim of North Charleston Road while prepping
a deadly encounter between a bicycle for the U.S. Olympic Team Trials just
and a motor vehicle in South Carolina, over two years ago.
nor in lax or inconsistent enforcement of An instructor at the Naval Nuclear
traffic laws by cops and courts involving Power Training Command near
crashes with two-wheelers. Charleston, Wonders had left a note
South Carolina currently ranks fifth for his wife that he was out riding his
among states in per capita cycling bicycle, would be back for dinner by
fatalities – more than twice the national 5:15 pm and off to work again by 6.
rate – and consistently has ranked When he didn’t return, his wife Terri
second to sixth over the past five years. Wonders “knew something wasn’t right,”
Of 100 fatalities where motorists hit she says, and drove out in search of her
cyclists over those five years, a driver husband on the Lowcountry roads that
was charged in fewer than one in five. he loved, but knew all too well could be
No citation was issued in 72 of those unkind to cyclists.
cases. “I had no idea which direction he
The PCC would like too see a shift
to a uniform set of transportation laws
across the states.
But within South Carolina, just how
seriously law enforcement and the courts
take bike crashes varies throughout the
state.
Some cyclists report aggressive
probes into the facts, while others get no
satisfaction in crashes, and loved ones
left in the slipstream of cyclists killed by
motorists – like Nguyen – say they can’t
reach “closure” where motorists pay
little or no penalty for killing someone.
Others describe a prevalent attitude
shared by the public and law enforcement
that asphalt is the exclusive domain of
the combustion engine, and cyclists are
responsible for any accident simply by
virtue of putting themselves in harm’s
way on the pavement.
“It’s pretty common that police don’t
investigate bicycle accidents correctly,
and assume the bike rider has some
fault, whether it’s the case or not,” says
Jim Leventis, a cyclist and attorney in
Columbia who’s represented cyclists in
about 50 personal injury cases. “Most
often the bicyclist is hit and injured so
 Cover Story
Sadness followed shock when Greenville’s Jeanne Menard, a skilled, safety-minded
cyclist was fatally smacked by a driver blinded by afternoon sun. More than 100 cy-
clists rode in silent, single-file procession along her commute route downtown and
gathered a the crash site to speak in her honor -- and on the importance of bicycle
safety. Menard was one of three Upstate cyclists killed by motorists in a single week
in October, of 22 last year. South Carolina ranks fifth per capita of all states for cycling
fatalities
went,” Wonders says. But when she
returned home, her worst fears were
realized: She was met by the coroner.
Garrett had struck by a wooden bed
protruding from a pickup truck’s bed,
knocked into a ditch and had died that
afternoon.
“When you’re on a bike, it’s
just not looked at as that serious,”
says Wonders, who’s become an
outspoken advocate for the PCC since
her husband’s death, preparing a public
service announcement to educate
drivers on sharing the roads.
“That’s just the mentality around
here,” she sighs.
It was later revealed that the driver
who killed Wonders, Theodore Borck,
52, of Moncks Corner, was legally blind
in one eye and barely met the minimum
visual requirement for a license in his
other.
But for Wonders, the wheels of
justice moved more swiftly, and in favor
of the cyclist’s rights.
Two months after the crash, Borck
was indicted for reckless homicide,
a first in the state for an auto/cyclist
accident.
It’s also a shift for Charleston’s 9th
Circuit - despite its No. 1 state ranking
for state bicycle fatalities (eight) and for
bike accidents with injuries (nearly 400)
over the past five years, has prosecuted
only three cases over that period. Two
Lowcountry drivers were charged
with felony DUI where cyclists were
involved.
“If it weren’t for the highway
citypaper March 31, 2006 7
patrolman, he wouldn’t have been
charged with anything,” says Wonders.
Borck faced a maximum sentence
of 10 years in prison and a $5,000 fine
for the charge.
But last May, Borck pleaded guilty
and was sentenced to two years’
probation. Prosecutors reluctantly
agreed to the plea after learning that,
Vote Azar for Mayor
though partially blind, Borck was legally
qualified to hold a driver’s license.
Prosecutors wanted to try Borck, 52,
April 4th
on charges of intentionally disregarding
the safety of others when he drove a
vehicle knowing he could barely see.
Deputy Solicitor Blair Jennings was
forced to drop that route of prosecution
after a state licensing official said despite
Borck’s blindness in his right eye, he
was physically qualified to drive with
glasses because he had some vision in
his left eye.
A doctor tested Borck’s corrected
right eye vision strength at 2-0/200,
which some eye care professionals
consider blind, although drivers might
be able to recognize some landmarks,
such as the letters on a “Stop” sign.
The state’s case against Borck began
to weaken, Jennings said, when the
Department of Motor Vehicles said
“I would like to build a city that leads,
Borck was street legal because he has
2-0/40 corrected vision in his left eye,
not follows!”
voteazar.com
the minimum required by the General
Assembly.
Wonders’ widow, Terri, a pre-school paid for by Joe Azar For Mayor
teacher on Daniel Island, and his parents
attended the sentencing. Afterward,
they said they hoped the case would
8 citypaper March 31, 2006
Photo by Kris Beliakoff
trigger a tougher look at driving test
requirements in South Carolina and
bring more respect for bicycle riders.
“It’s the public perception that
cyclists don’t belong on the road,” said
his mother, Shelley Wonders. “That’s
got to change.” She asked drivers to
think about safety, not rage, when they
come upon a cyclist who is already in
a dangerous position on the side of
the road. “Everyone should be more
respectful of cyclists,” she said. “They
are not doing anything illegal.”
The Wonders’ tragedy illustrates
that even the most skilled, safe and
experienced cyclists are imperiled
on the roadways of South Carolina, a
state which until recently spent little
on shoulders (and nil on bike lanes)
to accommodate cyclists, nor on
Richland County ranks #2 in S.C. with
the most cycling/motorists crashes,
2001 - 2004: 191, 1 killed
educating the public on sharing the
roads.
In the nearby 14th Circuit, Kim’s
case hasn’t rolled as smoothly.
Nguyen said he got little satisfaction
from law enforcement’s and the solicitor
office’s communication – few calls were
returned, and when he and Felix finally
arranged a 30-minute sit-down with
Solicitor Duffie Stone March 13, Stone
seemed totally at odds with pursuing
serious charges against the driver.
Zampino’s plea came after the
traffic court hearing had twice been
delayed while the 14th Judicial Circuit
Solicitor’s Office investigated evidence
provided by the Kim family.
Nguyen retained his own attorney,
Nick Felix, a cyclist himself who
specializes in bike crashes. They
conducted their own investigation of
the facts and circumstances, including
measuring and photographing evidence
at the scene, examining the mangled
bike and the damage to Zampino’s
2002 Mercury SUV, and interviewing
Kim was riding her bike “off of the
roadway” when the SUV “ran off the
roadway” and struck the bike from
the rear.
witnesses themselves.
Nguyen says he’s bewildered not
just by the slap-on-the-wrist charge,
but by the fact that it is his family and
they’re attorney apparently doing all
the legwork gathering information,
rather than state patrol or the solicitor’s
office.
Kim was killed while riding on the
shoulder of Palmetto Bay Road, a
busy stretch, but one frequented by
Lowcountry cyclists (including children),
with a wide, manicured, hard-packed
grassy surface that’s fine to ride on.
Nguyen believes his mom was riding on
that grass.
But it was a full four months after
the crash before solicitor’s investigators
examined the roughly 10-foot grassy
area to the right of the shoulder, after
days of rain and other weathering that
may have erased signs of the crash.
He believes Kim was riding on the
grass.
Kim’s bike was left at the scene.
It was only recovered weeks later
by investigators who stored the bike
(though, he believes, never closely
examined it).
The bike shows what Nguyen calls
“crucial evidence” investigators never
examined: Ground in and embedded
into the bike’s handlebars are traces of
a concrete drainage section eight feet
off the road.
Nguyen says the bike’s shredded
– near “disintegrated” -- rear fender, the
SUV’s crunched in headlight and the
distance of several feet Kim’s bike and
Cover Story
body were thrown show a tremendous
impact.
The Kim family says the evidence
they’ve submitted to the Solicitor’s
Office proves Zampino drove far off the
road when she struck Kim. They also
contend that Zampino’s actions showed
she fled the scene of the crash.
“The law says you’re supposed
to stop as soon as possible,” Nguyen
says.
Esposito has denied both claims.
Zampino in her blog acknowledges
she heard a loud crash but kept going.
“If I hear a crash, I’ll at least stop
to check out what my car hit,” Nguyen
says. “This is careless disregard for
public and shows the reckless nature of
the driver.”
Nguyen and his attorney dug up
several witnesses who were never
interviewed by law enforcement, he
says, several of whom heard the crash
from a distance.
Nguyen contacted witnesses who
said they heard no horn-honking from
the SUV, and the scene showed no
visible skid marks from braking.
Nguyen contacted an eyewitness
who passed his mother on the bike,
then saw the SUV in his rear-view mirror
as it left the and hit Kim’s bike.
The same witness called 911, and
only after he honked at Zampino as she
passed him on the left did she execute
a U-turn, several hundred feet down the
road before returning to the scene.
On her blog posts, Zampino claims
she couldn’t find room to pull over to the
shoulder, but Nguyen tape-measured
21 feet of open space on the side of the
road from the point of impact.
Once Zampino’s plea was accepted
Thursday by Magistrate McDomick, the
Kim family and members of Greater
 Cover Story
“Share the Road” may be a popular mantra among cyclists, but all too
often motorists’ attitudes about cyclists riding South Carolina’s roadways
range from carelessness to hostility
Bluffton Pathways, a group that
advocates for bicyclists’ rights, rose
from their seats and began questioning
the degree of penalty.
Zampino denied it, saying phone
records prove that she wasn’t on the
phone at that time.
Adding a modern, all-American
touch to the saga, Zampino spouted
off repeatedly The Island Packet’s
local newspaper’s blog site in the
week following the crash – but before
the traffic charge – “to set the record
straight.”
She criticized EMS response time,
attacked cyclists and others expressing
outrage over the accident, accused The
Packet’s cops reporter for the paper’s
“false information” and “distorted
details” and demanded a retraction.
The paper responded by saying it
stood by its story, but in a mysterious
twist, The Packet has erased Zampino’s
comments from the blogosphere, while
all others blogging on the issue remain.
But hard copies of her earlier posts
to The Packet’s blog show Zampino
No person was charged in 82 percent
of 3,460 fatal crashes where drivers
hit cyclists between 2000 and 2004
in the United States. About 460 were
hit-and-runs, of which 300 (65 per-
cent), no driver was ever charged.
citypaper March 31, 2006 9
Register to win a
Columbia City Paper
Skate Board at Blue Tile:
20% off select skate shoes
40% off hooded sweat shirts
40% off long sleeve tees
saying she never saw Kim on her bike,
but only heard the crash, and insisted
she was only using the cell phone to call
911.
The Packet initial story reported little
outside the four corners of State Patrol
Sgt. S.G. Worthy’s one-page traffic
report, which states expressly that
Kim “was distracted by a cell phone,”
(803) 376-1880 631 Harden St
that Kim was riding her bike “off of the
roadway” when the SUV “ran off the
roadway” and struck the bike from the
rear.
Though she acknowledged the Kim
family was going through a “hideous
period of grieving or mourning” during
the “tragedy,” at no time did Zampino
offer an apology to Kim’s family.
“Unless god made you perfect, then
lay off,” she lashed back at a blogger.
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
REAL ESTATE
SERVICES:
APPRAISALS
CONSULTING
SALES
www.barczak.net 803-799-8994
1929 MARION ST.
10 citypaper March 31, 2006
The House Always Wins:
Revelations from an Anonymous
Informant in the Banking Industry
By Todd Morehead
and “Ozymandias”
According to Center for
Responsible Lending, America’s
banking industry collected over $10
billion in overdraft fees last year. Add in
“maintenance” fees, interest charges,
teller fees, ATM fees, alongside the
myriad other expenses, and the number
far exceeds the GDP of a small nation.
Would you, as a consumer, be better
off closing your bank account and
keeping your money in an old coffee
tin? Undoubtedly, yes. Of course, we’re
all too reliant on the plastic to turn back
now.
On March 14, purely for the sake
of journalism, I had a few drinks
and paid every bill to my name at
once, overdrawing my account by
approximately $4. The following day,
I made seven small purchases: gas,
aspirin for my hangover, a sub sandwich,
etc. Each of the seven purchases – most
under $15 – incurred a $31 late-fee from
my bank, Bank of America, for a total of
$217.
I calmly approached my friendly
neighborhood customer service rep,
Derrick Bost, at the Bank of America
branch in Trenholm Plaza. I told Derrick
about my predicament, explained that I
had been a loyal customer for 12 years,
and kindly asked him to remove a fee
or two, as the charges were obviously
frivolous. He smiled politely and with
a hint of pity informed me that he was
powerless to help, suggesting that I
attach a credit card to my account as
overdraft protection.
The following day I spoke with
an equally friendly female customer
service rep at a Bank of America branch
downtown. As I was recording the
conversation without her knowledge, I
have decided not to divulge her name.
I told her about my run-in with Mr. Bost
and asked if there was anything her
branch could do.
“I can give you three of the fees
back,” she said. “He did get a credit
card application out of you, so he
should have done something to help
you.” After a quick keystroke, the three
fees were gone.
“I’m assuming he gets a commission
on credit card sales, right?” I asked
“Oh, he’s a sales person... so you
know how that is.” She quickly turned
back to her keyboard.
“Is there a way to alert me when I’ve
overdrawn? Can you decline the card,
so I’ll know I’m overdrawing?”
“No. And I’ll tell you why.” She
lowered her voice. “Not to talk bad
about the bank, but that’s how they
make their money...”
My personal war against the
banking industry had begun.
Over the next week, I began to ask
around and it wasn’t long until I found
a former customer service rep from
another bank who was willing to speak
out against the industry. This person
had once signed a contract promising
never to divulge company information.
Fearing retribution from the bank, the
person asked to remain anonymous. I’ve
dubbed the person, “Ozymandias,” and
have reprinted parts of the transcript
below.
Revelations by Ozymandias
“Five years ago when I found myself
in the training room of a very prestigious
bank, I was thinking about things
like medical benefits, paid vacation,
and decent salary. I didn’t realize this
would be a career path that I’d learn to
despise.
“Most of my banking career was
spent sitting behind a big desk in front
of a computer. Everything was going
fine until I took a step back and started
really looking at people’s accounts. The
fee system, in particular, seemed terribly
wrong. And after a hostile takeover
from larger bank, I started to see even
more fees. There seemed to be a fee
for everything. If you wanted to call and
check on your account there was a fee.
If you wanted to use an ATM machine
while you were out of town there was
a fee.
“I began to do some soul searching
after I got a call one day from an elderly
lady who had her social security check
taken away from her account. I not only
had to listen to this poor lady cry over
the phone, but I had to come up with
explanations to justify all the bank fees.
I didn’t really have one.
“Banks are constantly coming up
with new ways to make revenue. For
instance, the bank figured out that
the middle class were floating checks
for things like groceries and other
necessities a couple of days before their
paydays arrived. Now how could the
bank make a profit off this? Technology
advanced and the Federal Reserve
initiated a system called Check 21 on
Oct. 28, 2004. Check 21 eliminated
the need to physically transport paper
checks between banks; now they
simply scan the image and transfer
it electronically. As a result, there is
no such thing as float-time anymore.
But, the bank won’t tell the customers
that. The result: more overdraft fees for
floating checks.
“Do these fees apply to the extremely
rich? Of course not. I’ll tell you how we
handle the rich, because I’ve had to do
it numerous times. You waive the fee,
ask them if there’s anything else you
can do for them, and tell them to have
a blessed day. It always infuriated me.
I’d have some really crass businessman
on the line telling me where I could stick
those fees. No arguments, no ‘May I
place you on hold sir?’ I was taught to
check their history, check their ‘beacon
score’, their consistency in deposits,
“I’ll tell you how we handle the rich...
You waive the fee, ask them if there’s
anything else you can do for them”
and— most importantly— how large
those deposits were. If it was in the
bank’s favor, I had better be giving
those fees back with a smile and a little
brown on my nose, else I was going to
be reprimanded by a supervisor.
“The whole customer service thing
is a sham. If you have money, you get
the red carpet; if you don’t, you get the
rug pulled out from under you. There are
certain accounts that are only offered to
these extremely rich customers. Every
bank has them: Star Accounts, Prime
Plus Accounts, Grandfather Accounts,
whatever stupid names they come up
with. The deluxe accounts at my bank
were distinguished by a bold red font to
set them apart. As a customer service
rep, whenever I helped someone with
a deluxe account I noticed that they
don’t get charged for a thing. The bank
makes so much interest off their money
that they don’t need to—or can’t afford
to— charge them little $2 fees here and
there.
“Another thing people don’t realize
is that while your money is sitting in
the bank and being used by the bank,
they are making roughly about 19
percent interest off your account. Have
you checked to see how much you’re
getting off your checking, savings, or
certified deposit (CD) accounts? I would
conservatively say you’re probably
netting anywhere between .25 percent-
1.00 percent in interest. Depending on
how much you have in one of these
accounts you’re probably not going
to have to declare it on your next tax
return, because Uncle Sam says you
don’t have to declare any interest
earned that’s under $10. But hey, look
at the bright side: since you don’t have
to declare that money, you can save it
to cover your ATM fees.
“One thing we were told as bankers
was to offer a savings account for
overdraft protection. Many people
who needed some type of overdraft
protection really didn’t need a savings
account. The problem with this is
that savings accounts have to have
a minimum balance in them, usually,
and if that minimum balance isn’t met
there’s a fee assessed to the account
at the end of the month. I once asked
a supervisor why we do this if the
customer is barely getting by with just
a checking account. The answer was
obvious: ‘revenue.’ I kind of complained
about the whole thing, saying that the
bank would just have to end up closing
the account due to lack of funds, but that
didn’t bother them because the bank
has implemented something called a
“closing cost”. Closing cost can range
from anywhere between $25-40. There
are no exceptions, well, unless you’re
wealthy.
“I could go on and on about how
the bank abused single mothers, elderly
folks on SSI, people with disabilities, and
foreigners. I’ve even been reprimanded
for refunding too much back to people
who were being treated unjustly. So,
are the smaller banks any better? In
many respects they are ...if you don’t
leave your hometown often and don’t
need access to ATMs or other services.
Unfortunately, though, as I was watching
the stock market the other day (while
standing in line at my bank), I saw that
smaller banks were on the down side.
“What does this mean? Well, the
small bank that never charged you for
a customer service phone call may well
be on its way to changing its name
and everything you liked about it. See,
smaller banks are prime pickings for the
larger banks and when a big bank starts
to feel the impact of customer loss due
to fees—which of course results in a loss
of revenue— the big banks buy the little
banks and keep the little bank’s name.
They do the same thing in construction;
it’s called a façade. You’ve got a nice
looking building but once you step
inside it’s the same old piece of shit it
was before.”
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
 citypaper March 31, 2006
Property tax debate
rounds corner By Andy Brack
Hats off to state senators for a
responsible, relatively progressive
proposal to reshape the way property
is taxed in South Carolina. Compared
to the fiery, reactionary plan passed in
February by the state House, the Senate
proposal is a breath of fresh air.
It also is something that realistically
could get passed.
At the beginning of the session, it
was pretty clear lawmakers would do
something to reform property taxes.
They’ve been under intense pressure
from a variety of citizen groups since
last year.
Both chambers studied various
proposals. The House ended up taking
a slash-and-burn approach to try to
get rid of almost all property taxes on
owner-occupied homes. How? By
raising the sales tax rate by 2 cents to 7
cents statewide. In a nod to making the
proposal a little bit progressive, it also
called for getting rid of sales taxes on
groceries.
But the House proposal has a big
problem: By hiking the sales tax by 2
cents, South Carolina would have one
of the highest sales taxes in the country.
And if that isn’t enough to make
the Palmetto State less competitive
economically, a significant burden of
the tax would fall on businesses. In
other words, the House plan would do
a lot to help folks with high property tax
bills, but it would hurt businesses that
buy goods in the state and would tend
to discourage investment here.
It’s the policy equivalent of cutting
off the state’s economic nose to spite
its face.
So in comes the Senate, whose
members don’t face grumbling
voters in 2006. The Senate Finance
Committee over the summer launched a
comprehensive review of tax structures
and held hearings across the state to
listen to folks about property taxes.
Senators seemed to listen a little
more deeply than House members, who
apparently only heard this message:
“Get rid of property taxes.” But senators
heard this, “Adjust property taxes so
that people aren’t taxed out of their
homes.”
Depending on the message, you’re
able to come to quite different policy
conclusions.
In a plan approved by a special
Senate subcommittee that will be
discussed in the coming week, the
Senate calls for an extra half-cent to be
State House Report 11
VOTE KELLY COLEMAN APRIL 4!
..............Kelly will..........
• represent everyone – not just the
privileged few
added to the sales tax rate to generate • stand ready to challenge the status
a pool of $300 million to help offset quo
property tax burdens. • promote an obtainable vision that
While the Senate offers a somewhat includes local small and mid-size busi-
complicated policy proposal, it can be
nesses
boiled down into two parts:
• embrace positive and responsible
1. Some relief for all. Two thirds of change
the pool of money - - about $200 million • create a balance between business
- - would be spent to reduce property growth and family life to create the
taxes for every homeowner. It’s not clear most vibrant Columbia possible
how much that would be, but the plan • support education at a city level
essentially calls for an extra exemption • utilize her strong business back-
to be allowed to homeowners to reduce ground to make informed decisions
the assessed value of a home. In other • support our police, fire, emergency
words, if your home is worth $200,000, Kelly knows business medical care, and city employees
you might get an extra $30,000 in an
exemption, which means you would be ............Kelly will not..........
taxed on a value of $170,000 instead Kelly knows family • derive economic gain through a seat
of $200,000. For homeowners with on Columbia City Council
modest homes, tax bills could be Let Kelly be your voice • make decisions behind closed doors
reduced significantly. • sponsor pet projects in lieu of basic
necessities
2. Circuit breaker. The other $100
803-556-1621
million would be used to offset property KACouncil@Hotmail.com • support private enterprise with tax-
taxes based on homeowner incomes. payer dollars
The most homeowners would pay in
paid for by Kelly Coleman, • pander to private developers or spe-
Columbia City Council At Large
property taxes - - after accounting for cial interest groups
the relief through the exemption above
- - would be 5 percent of their incomes.
After that amount, the $100 million pool
would subsidize the difference. This
component of the proposal is relatively
progressive because it works best for
people who are cash poor and house
rich, such as the person on a fixed
income who lives on the coast.
“For a good number of people in
South Carolina with the most modest
homes, property taxes will just about go
away,” said state Sen. Wes Hayes, the
Rock Hill Republican who chaired the
Senate subcommittee that developed
the proposal.
If you’re thinking the Senate
proposal might get caught up in partisan
bickering on the Senate floor, you might
want to think again after listening to
what Senate Minority Leader John Land,
D-Clarendon, says:
“I think this is a beautiful
compromise. Businesses should be
supportive of this idea and homeowners
should be supportive. I think it is a
brilliant proposal.”
Veteran political observer Andy
Brack, publisher of S.C. Statehouse
Report, can be reached at
brack@statehousereport.com.
12 citypaper March 31, 2006
Mr.
Meaner’s
CRIME
WATCH
The people involved in these in-
cidents are innocent until proven
guilty. The accounts come directly
from police reports. This is not a
court of law.
29052
A 20-year-old man said he was at-
tacked by a group of people, one of
whom threatened him with a handgun.
This police report was titled, “lynching,”
2900 block Two Notch Road.
29201
Columbia Police actually arrested
someone for DRIVING home drunk on
Greene Street this week at 12:45 a.m.
The 32-year-old douche bag was tear-
ing ass down Greene, blowing red lights
block by block and then driving over
the concrete medium on the corner of
Greene and Sumter across from the
Longstreet theater. Apparently the of-
ficer decided that was a good place to
pull the guy over. After approaching the
car, the officer said the man was “highly
intoxicated.” No shit, 900 block Sumter
Street
29201
Columbia Police noted that 12 park-
ing meters on Pickens Street had been
screwed with. 12 parking meters on
Senate Street were also vandalized.
Doesn’t the state Attorney General live
on that street? Isn’t he the state’s like,
biggest law enforcer? Well at least ho-
mosexual prostitution has gone down
on the “fruit loop” in the last couple
years, Pickens and Senate Streets.
29201
A 53-year-old-man told officers that he
was in Finlay Park when a man he didn’t
know came up and punched him in the
mouth, 900 block Taylor Street
Crime Watch
29203
A 53-year-old woman called the cops
on her husband of ten years, telling
them that he had threatened to cut her
with a knife. When the police asked the
guy if that was true he said no, he did
not want to harm her. So uh...what were
you going to do with that knife, dude?
Shave your nut sack? 300 block West
Campenella Drive
29203
Officers said they found three bullet
holes in a vehicle after reporting to a
complaint of a shooting. A black man
was seen shooting from the passenger
29201 29201 side of a white Ford Crown Victoria ac-
Don’t talk about how you have cocaine A 23-year-old man told police that a cording to statements. $300 in damage
on you when off-duty cops are around man he didn’t know smashed him in was done to the car that was shot up,
or you might end up like this 22-year- the head with a metal pipe. Police say 1500 Caroser Court.
old blow head who got busted with a the man sustained a deep injury, 1900
bag of skeeter-bumps in Five Points Greene Street 29203
last week, 900 block Harden Street While standing in his yard, a man said
29201 he was shot at by more than one per-
29201 son. The man said he was “fired upon”
Witnesses say two men got into a fight A 21-year-old dude said he fell asleep while standing with another person. No
over a college basketball game in the while listening to his laptop. When he one was hurt but $5,500 in damages
middle of the street. One guy took a woke up, the laptop was gone along were incurred because of the gunshots,
swing at the other but missed, the other with his headphones. Sound sucky to 710 block Broad River Road
kicked him in the knee which brought you? Ditto that, 300 block Catawba
him face down on the pavement giv- Crcl.
ing him a bloody nose. That guy went
to the hospital but the other one took
off. Sounds like an intentional foul, 800
block Harden Street
29201
Of all the things that could have possi-
bly gone wrong during St. Pat’s in Five
Points, one of them was the arrest of
a 62-year-old man for, get this, pan-
handling. Upon “further investigation”
the police found out the homeless man
had a bench warrant out for his arrest
as well. Sounds like someone pissed
in this guy’s pot of gold, 2000 block
Greene Street
29201
While apparently attempting to sneak
into the Five Points festival, a 38-year-
old white man assaulted three festival
staff members and then told an officer
“F#!k that, I didn’t do shit. If you want
me to leave you’re going to have to take
me to jail.” Guess where he went? Not
to the end of any rainbow, 700 block
Saluda Ave.
29201
A 29-year-old woman was taken to the
Lexington hospital after being found to-
tally schnockered during the Five Points
St. Patty’s Day Fest. She had appar-
ently mixed too much booze with her
medication, go figure 700 block Santee
Ave.
 Movies
Deric Spoils The Movie
By Deric Kempsell
Inside Man (2006)
When you assemble an award-
winning cast to rob a bank with a
surprising twist in the plot, odds are
it’s going to be a fairly good film. It’s
been a while since a good heist movie
came out, and Inside Man does not
disappoint.
The story centers around Dalton
Russell (Clive Owen), an egocentric
genius who has devised the “perfect”
bank robbery. This entails not stealing
any cash or bonds, but rather the
contents of a particular safe deposit
box, which is incidentally the property
of Arthur Case (Christopher Plummer),
the founder and chairman of Manhattan
Trust Bank. He and a group of associates
disguise themselves as painters and
enter the Manhattan Trust Bank during
business hours, black out the security
cameras and take everyone in the
bank hostage. Detective Keith Frazier
(Denzel Washington) is called in to
negotiate the release of the hostages,
with Captain John Darius (Willem Dafoe)
commanding the Emergency Services
Unit. Arthur Case, concerned about the
contents of his safe deposit box, calls
upon Madeline White (Jodie Foster)
to enter the building and negotiate the
safe return of his belongings. White
discovers that the contents of Case’s
box are documents showing that he
made money off of Holocaust victims
during WWII, and in turn used that
money to start the Manhattan Trust
Bank. Insert an hour of negotiation
and mind games between the good
and the bad guys, and the movie builds
to a climactic storming of the bank by
special ops.
The ingenuity in the plot lies in the
fact that the robbers constantly pull
hostages out of the rooms they are
being held in and swapping them out
with other robbers who in turn pretend
to be hostages. This provides alibis
and an escape for all of the robbers
except Russell. So, where’s Russell?
He is hiding in a tiny room the thieves
built during the hostage standoff until
the bank reopens for business, and as
a thief with good intentions, he leaves
behind evidence for Frazier to use in
prosecuting Case for his war crimes.
Inside Man differs from other recent
heist flicks in that it does not take place
in a romantic foreign location, and does
not employ a “hip” team of specialists
such as safecrackers, demolition
experts, and professional thieves. If
you can get past the weird idea that the
actor playing Nazi sympathizer Arthur
Case also played Baron Von Trapp in
The Sound Of Music, the low point of
the film would have to be Foster’s role.
Her entire character could have been
removed from the film and the story
line would not have been negatively
impacted. It is also good to see Dafoe
in a role other than the “creepy bad
guy” part in which he is usually cast.
Furthermore Spike Lee only tortured us
with one of his trademarked “I’m moving
citypaper March 31, 2006 13
Columbia City Paper columnist, Will
Moredock, has a new book out! Available
with the camera while everything moves at Amazon.com & local bookstores.
around me” scenes, which reminded
us that yes, he was the director. The Banana Replublic:
only unbelievable part of the film was
when police couldn’t find Russell or the A Year in the Heart of
other robbers they didn’t bring in dogs
to search for them. They would have
sniffed out his hiding spot in a minute.
Myrtle Beach
While sub-par to the likes of “In contrast to the
Ocean’s Eleven and The Italian Job,
Inside Man is worth the $29 million it family-friendly Myrtle
raked in its opening weekend, and is Beach promoted by
the most refreshing movie Spike Lee
has directed in a while. their tourism council,
Inside Man (2006) starring Denzel Moredock’s Myrtle
Washington, Clive Owen, Jodie Foster,
Willem Dafoe, and Christopher Plummer Beach is populated by
is a Spike Lee joint and rated R for fist-fighting city council
language and some violent images.
members, quasi-tran-
Also Playing This Week: sient strippers, over-
16 Blocks √ sexed golfers, profes-
:If you read last week’s CityPaper before
loyal readers cleaned it out across Columbia, then sional body piercers,
you know what I thought. Congrats loyal readers!
live crucifixion re-enac-
Don’t Trip…He Ain’t Through With Me Yet X tors, and proponents of
:Does Steve Harvey really need another
movie? Wasn’t the TV show enough?? present day Southern
Failure to Launch √
secession.”
:Oh come on, it’s cute. Really. - Savannah Morning
Final Destination 3 √ News
:Death to you by paper cut if you read
corporate newsweeklies!
Discover your spirit!
The Hills Have Eyes X
:This movie was just weird and sick; don’t
see it - and that’s all I have to say about that.
Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector X
:Lord forgive me for makin’ this movie,
please watch my DVD instead. PS – Ya’ll will love
my racist jokes!
Books,TarotCards,Oils,Candles,Crystals,Herbs,Incense,MetaphysicalTools
The Libertine √
:See this if you can’t wait until July for the
new Pirates of the Caribbean flick.
The Shaggy Dog X
:Tim Allen’s recent movie career could use a
good wash outside with the garden hose.
She’s The Man X
:Hahahahahahahahahahaha, no.
Stay Alive X
:If anyone can “stay alive” sitting through
this movie, more power to you.
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion X
:I’m not even going to dignify this movie with
a witty remark.
V for Vendetta √
:Victory is yours this week if you vacate your
villa to view this vindictive version of the graphic
novel on the big screen. Viva V!
Classic Movie Spoiler:
Fight Club (1999): Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt)
DOES NOT EXIST and is merely is a figment of
735 Meeting Street, West Columbia 233-0055
Jack’s sleep-deprived imagination.
Soundboard
14 Arts & Entertainment Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006

Friday, March 31 Christine Havrilla

New Brookland Tavern Sunday, April 2 Sunday, April 9
122 State St., West Cola. Wild Wing Café
6 PM New Brookland Tavern 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. New Brookland Tavern
Division By Zero 122 State St., West Cola. Radio Cult 122 State St., West Cola.
Far From Clear By The Sins Fell Angels Tiger in the Grass
6ft From Failure 88 MPH Friday, April 7 Psychic Hearts
9 PM Written In Blood The Stock Market Crash
Clayton Ravine Head Wound Harry New Brookland Tavern The Microwaves
Extra Blue Kind 122 State St., West Cola.
The Verdict Monday, April 3 6 PM Tuesday, April 11
All Good Citizens
Headliners Headliners Kid Gib New Brookland Tavern
700 Gervais St., Cola. 700 Gervais St., Cola. Campbell 122 State St., West Cola.
“Jump Off Party” Mute Math 9 PM Misery Signals
DJ Guavav The Working Title Midnight Train Black My Heart
DJ Method Baumer Georgia The Band Too Pure To Die
DJ Jigz Slow Burn Burn In Silence
Tuesday, April 4 Mind Your Head Charge the Mound
Jammin Java Surely We Have Parished
1530 Main St., Cola. New Brookland Tavern Jammin Java
Jason Marcum 122 State St., West Cola. 1530 Main St., Cola. Wednesday, April 12
Jason Beckham Goodnight Providence Christopher Branch
And Then I Turned Seven New Brookland Tavern
Wild Wing Café Marian Carter Wild Wing Café 122 State St., West Cola.
1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. The Arrival 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. 6 PM
The Showmen Redaction The Root Doctors “New Music Night”
TBA
Saturday, April 1 Wednesday, April 5 Saturday, April 8 9 PM
“Non Stop Hip Hop Live”
Macs on Main New Brookland Tavern Macs on Main
1710 Main Street 122 State St., West Cola. 1710 Main Street Headliners
An Evening with 6 PM The Jeff Lofton Jazz Band 700 Gervais St., Cola.
Johnny Cromer “New Music Night” North Mississippi Allstars
TBA New Brookland Tavern Jame McLean Band
New Brookland Tavern 9 PM 122 State St., West Cola.
122 State St., West Cola. “Non Stop Hip Hop Live” 5:30 PM Thursday, April 13
Throttle Rod Cool Hand Luke
Quintaine Americana Thursday, April 6 The Myriad New Brookland Tavern
Death Valley Driver Firefly Summer 122 State St., West Cola.
Gods of Mars New Brookland Tavern 10 PM “Take No Prisoners Tour’
122 State St., West Cola. Cory Branan River City High
Headliners The Receiving End of Sirens American Gun Cities Apart
700 Gervais St., Cola. A Thorn For Every Heart Aarn Iron and the Liabilities Clearview Kills
‘Dhoom to the Beat After Party” As Tall As Lions Sleepaway
DJ ONE The Blackout Pact Headliners
DJ Method 700 Gervais St., Cola. Headliners
DJ Jigz Headliners Agents of the Sun 700 Gervais St., Cola.
700 Gervais St., Cola. The Pennyroyals Kindablu w/ DJ Prince Ice
Art Bar Avett Brothers Tragedy Struck
1211 Park St., Cola. Sunshone Still w/ Danielle Howle Souls Harbor Art Bar
Yukos The Crude 1211 Park St., Cola.
The Noise Machine Art Bar Art Bar The Dirty Lowdown
Almost Jason 1211 Park St., Cola. 1211 Park St., Cola. Elevado
The Scary Hand Band “WUSC Fundraiser” hungry Models Atlaegos
The Press Iron Hero
Jammin Java Damn The Sun Shame Devine Jammin Java
1530 Main St., Cola. Shallow Palace 1530 Main St., Cola.
Micah Dalton Daemon Flushboy Jammin Java Ward Williams
David McMillin Mike from Splendid!Splendid 1530 Main St., Cola.
Eric Lewis Lacry Mose Miles Apart Wild Wing Café
1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola.
Wild Wing Café Jammin Java Wild Wing Café Sol Driven Train
1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. 1530 Main St., Cola. 1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola.
Da’ Gullah Roots Justin Beckler Flick
 Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006
GOOD NIGHT MR. OWENS, AND THANKS FOR THE SONGS
Buck Owens passed away this
past Saturday night in Bakersfield.
For those of you who might not know,
Buck practically owned country music
in the 60s. He was so influential even
the Beatles had written into their
contracts that they were to get copies
of everything he recorded before the
public did.
Buck had spent years in Bakersfield
honkytonks perfecting the sound of the
Telecaster and getting’ folks who might
otherwise stab him to death to get up
and dance. If not for Buck, honkytonk
music wouldn’t have survived, as we
know it today. Hell, due to what Nashville
has done to it, it’s hardly surviving now,
but at least Buck kept it out there as
long as he could.
By Hick’ry Hawkins
Buck Owens was probably the very
first artist to really slap Nashville in the
face by insisting on producing his own
records and using his live band instead
of studio guys. When he recorded
“Who’s Gonna Mow Your Grass,” his
record company refused to release it
due to the psychedelic guitar sound
which they called too rock n’ roll. So
Buck politely went back to Bakersfield.
You weren’t supposed to say “no” to
Nashville – back then they said “no”
to you! Buck never called his music
country anyhow. He preferred to say
“American.”
Most of you probably know him
from the years on Hee Haw, which ran
from 1969 to 1992, making it the longest
running TV show in history, although
Buck left in ‘86. It’s amazing he had time
to do that show and tour and record.
Maybe the fact that he didn’t drink or
do drugs at all probably helped. Go get
some Hee Haw episodes on DVD and
you’ll see how ahead of its time the
show was.
That’s another thing about Buck. He
was a totally different kind of rebel. You
never heard about him wreckin’ cars,
goin’ to jail or smackin’ his wife around,
he simply had his own vision and stayed
true to it no matter what. There are only
a very small handful of artists that can
be credited with creating what came to
be known as a “sound,” and Buck was
the primary architect of the “Bakersfield
Sound” which means the guitar has to
twang and the drum has to roll and the
bass keeps it easy. Music today should
be payin’ attention to that.
I remember as a kid, what made
me love Buck Owens was that I’d never
heard anything like that, it was different.
Sad, but made you dance at the same
time. And he always looked good,
dressed up, never lookin’ down at his
feet, always lookin’ right at me from
outta’ the TV. The way he sang was
like he had somthin’ really important to
tell me, all of us… and he did. I loved
how when he did a solo song on Hee
Haw, the whole Hee Haw gang would
be gathered around like they were in his
livin’ room and Buck wasn’t just singin’
to them and me, he was serenading
us.
A few years back, me and the boys
who played on my last disc, “The Hell
I Am,” were rehearsing and I was tryin’
to get them to learn this song I wrote
which was basically a Buck Owens type
thing. Neither the drummer nor bass
player could get it right. I’m tellin’ the
drummer to let it go like a train, the bass
Music 15
player is tellin’ him to do it like swing.
We played, and the drummer got it, but
then said, “What the hell was that I just
played? That wasn’t a train or a swing!”
Our guitarist at the time, “Gospel” John
Renner leaned forward and said, “That
was Bakersfield and don’t you forget
it!” And I don’t think anyone who has
ever heard it ever will.
I’m steeling myself for the barrage
of things I’m probably gonna hear and
see on TV. I know I’ll have to watch
the specials about Buck on CMT, even
though it’d be more apt to cover him on
VH1. But to honor him I’ll have to watch
even though I know it’s gonna make
me sick and make me wanna cry that
there’ll be people like Brooks & Dunn
and Toby Keith talkin’ about how Buck
Owens influenced their careers.
I used to tell folks years ago in
interviews and from the stage that if
they couldn’t find my music to at least
go out and buy a Buck Owens album
and if you don’t have one you should.
And one more thing, after work today,
go somewhere, make a toast to a
legendary songwriter and maybe ask
the bartender to play a song (doubtful
they’ll have one) and hell, maybe just
reflect on how good real music can be.
music@columbiacitypaper.com
 16 Arts & Entertainment
FROM THE VAULTS: THE WHIPPING POST REVISITS A STORY FROM THE PAST.
(Interview with Bear Vs. Shark’s Marc Paffi completed in 2004)
“THE OTHER DAY IN NASHVILLE, SOMEHOW A MEDICINE BALL WAS BROUGHT ON
STAGE AND DEREK KIND OF KNOCKED ME OUT- HE THREW IT AT MY HEAD...
...We kept on going, but I didn’t finish the song. I
got up after and we only had one song left in the
set so it worked out to our advantage,” says Bear
vs. Shark singer Marc Paffi, referring to an inci-
dent several years ago.
You might call Paffi and his fellow bandmates
from Highland, Michigan optimists or maybe just
plain self-destructive.
“We try to knock each other down on stage quite
a bit. That has always been the way ever since
we were kids. Nothing that harmful, we’ve just
had a lot of fun with that,” says Paffi.
Contorting the stage into an Ultimate Fighting
Championship match Paffi has a reputation for
drop-kicking his fellow Bear Vs. Shark band
members.
“We have our minor injuries. Cuts and bruises
are a nightly thing. Derek [Kiesgen] seems to
have a lot of bad luck with broken bones and
stuff,” says Paffi.
Maybe just having fun may have been priority
number one for Bear vs. Shark, who conjured up
the thought provoking moniker before Chris
Bachelder published his acclaimed book of the
same title in 2001.
The book pokes fun a modern media and the
absurdity of television. A captivating pay-per-view
event is staged in Las Vegas in which a bear and
a shark battle in a tank deep enough for the shark
to operate yet shallow enough for the bear to fight
back.
Like the book, the band seems to have existed
on the same premise of conflict. Just before the
holidays last year Bear Vs. Shark decided to be
no more and for many fans it was like waking up
on Christmas morning to find lumps of coal
stuffed into your Christmas stocking.
An official statement from bassist/guitarist John
Gaviglio read in part as follows: “Bear Vs. Shark
has decided to call it quits after deciding that each
and every one of us has too many individual idio-
syncrasies to count that each clash with as least
one or two of other people's in the band. Some
no. 1.12
people just felt that it was time to disband and
proceed to the next calling in their lives. It is,
however, time to move on. We didn't want to beat
a dead horse, or squeeze blood from our stone. I
mean, the grass Is always greener, but they do
say that when one door closes another one
opens.”
The members of Bear Vs. Shark had known
each other since grade school and most attended
the same Lakeland High School in Michigan.
“They have been my best friends for life,” says
guitarist Derek Kiesgen.
“We’re pretty much like brothers,” says Paffi, “it
makes everyone play a more intricate role in
everything that happens.”
They even swapped and shared instruments
THE WHIPPING POST
between songs like they’ve swapped and shared
girlfriends in the past.
Throughout high school the members of the
band found themselves involved in different musi-
cal projects and eventually found each other as
bandmates.
“I think what it really was, was that we got tired
of playing with all the different people and just
narrowed it down to the people that we wanted to
be with,” says Paffi.
While Paffi was living in Colorado, away from
the band’s roots the other members began play-
ing together and when they decided to take the
band to the next level they appointed Paffi as the
vocalist even before he had moved back.
Strangely, for a band, the guys had already
completed college and Paffi put to use his art
degree to use generating most of the artwork the
band used in its albums and merchandise design.
“I get paint in my eyes a lot - no bruises though.
I’m not that violent when I paint. I paint naked a
lot. And usually I don’t play in the band naked,”
says Paffi.
My personal memories of Bear Vs. Shark take
us to a Louisville hotel room back in the summer
of 2003. In mid-argument (drunk discussion) on
the Mars Volta’s debut LP Deloused in the
Comatorium the room was raided by several of
Louisville’s finest.
I don’t remember many of the details, but appar-
ently, the 30 or so other people in the room that
night for the post Krazy Fest party (day one) were
too loud. Marc ended up in some altercation with
the police, somehow fell down the steps outside,
and ended up leaving with the men in blue.
Two days later and Bear vs. Shark finally played
at the festival and Marc was the most insane
maniac that I’ve ever seen on stage.
Bear vs. Shark provided the post-punk world
with a short, but sweet run of two full-lengths on
Equal Vision Records with songs like the cathar-
tic “Ma Jolie” and the thought provoking “I Fucked
Your Dad.” Their music and humor will be missed.
thewhippingpostrocks@yahoo.com
Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006
STARLIGHT
MINTS
Drowaton
January 24, 2006
Barsuk Records
In medium saucepan, bring 1-1/2 cups of Flaming Lips,
1/2 cup of The Unicorns and 1 Tbsp. of Apples in Stereo
to a boil. Stir in Of Montreal and gingerly add a pinch of
Camera Obscura. Continue boiling until contents sound
like catchy, acoustic-driven synth-pop.
Let stand about 30 minutes and serve. The third effort of
Oklahoma-based Starlight Mints, Drowaton experiments
with both orchestration and concentration, leaving the lis-
tener both excited and pleasantly confused. The opening
track (“Pumpkin”) has the charm of a Beck b-side that begs
for radio airplay and bleeds perfectly into the subsequent
tracks. “Rhino Stomp” sends the listener on an instrumen-
tally, obnoxious adventure, substituting a road map with
hostile strings and what sounds like the level four music
from Contra (I’m not kidding).
The band, which has been known to alternate between
a four piece, a nine piece and an eleven piece, utilizes
“whistle while you work” choruses throughout the album
and pulls it off perfectly. “Eyes of the Night” shows off the
esoterically fragile lyrics provided by Allan Vest and relies
heavily on open minds and broad interpretations as he
asks/shouts “who’s cooking monsters in the kitchen?”
As the album progresses, the woven horn sections and
synth blips begin to make sense, easily congealing with
the acoustics. The title track (“Drowaton”) is an excellent
example of this and takes on an identity all its own as it
twists and churns thru “valleys of hummingbirds” and
“buried treasure in the center of the Dead Sea.”
Overall, Drowaton holds its own and should provide the
Starlight Mints with a devoted band of followers.
Hopefully they won’t be remembered as a one-hit-wonder
blurb on some pretentious hipster’s iPod.
-William Logan
BRANDTSON
Hello, Control
May 16, 2006
Militia Group
In August of 2004 the guys from Brandtson came down
to Columbia to play a show with Further Seems Forever
at Headliner’s. Banana Joe’s was still open next door
and it was a Thursday night (aka college night with $1
draft beers). A group of my friends and I took the fellas
next door following the show and we proceeded ‘act a
fool’ blending in seamlessly within the crowd.
Brandtson’s fifth full length, Hello, Control is just like that
night when the band tossed aside their indie rock pio-
neering heritage and decided to simply have some fun.
On Hello Control, the Cleveland boys return with anoth-
er stellar Mexico themed track with “Earthquakes and
Sharks.” You won’t find any crunch in the once post-punk
guitars but they’re still holding on tight to the signature
harmonizing vocals. This instead, is a record to dance to.
By the time you’ve explored the album’s first third and
reached “Nobody Dances Anymore” you're trying to fig-
ure out what happened to the Letterbox version of
Brandtson. It’s hard to grasp and difficult to accept the
synth arrangements that infiltrate the band who put out
one of the most critically acclaimed indie rock records of
2004, with Send Us a Signal.
There are songs that are sonically perplexing like
“Denim Iniquity” and “The Secret” but when “Nobody
Dances Anymore” comes about with robot voices and it’s
superbly catchy chorus and Brandtson may have suc-
cessfully found their new sound.
With Hello Control, Brandtson is pushing the envelope
right in the face of pretentious fans and critics who will
ask what happened to their Brandtson? I guess they
weren’t really ever theirs.
-Sean Rayford
citypaper March 31, 2006
Challengers raise questions about
Incumbent’s campaign contributions
According to Kelly Coleman, who
is running for a seat on City Council,
Mayor Bob Coble and City Council
member, Tameika Isaac Devine, have
both received monetary contributions
from businesses who either once held
contracts with the City of Columbia or
who are bidding for future contracts.
In regard to campaign finance,
SECTION 8 13 1342 of South Carolina
law states no person or business who
has been awarded a contract with the
state, a county, a municipality, or a po-
litical subdivision thereof may make
monetary contributions to any public
official who had a hand in procuring
the contract. Conversely, no public
official is allowed to solicit campaign
funds in exchange for the prior reward
of a contract.
The City Council Zoning Public
Hearing minutes for Wednesday, March
16, 2006, indicate that Coble and City
Council unanimously approved a list of
businesses interested in participating
in a “pilot program for Construction
Management.” Among those compa-
nies were: DESA, Inc., owned by Di-
FOOD FOR THE SOUL
Sundays 1 a.m. on WACH FOX 57
Food For The Soul is
Sponsored in part by
Columbia City Paper and
Conscious Creations
By Todd Morehead
ane E. Sumpter, who made a private
contribution to Coble’s campaign in
the amount of $1,000; and LCK Con-
struction Services, who contributed to
Devine’s campaign in the amount of
$250.00.
During the same session, City
Council was asked to approve a “Con-
tract for Project Coordination and
Professional Services to develop/re-
develop certain blighted and unsightly
areas in and around the City of Colum-
bia as request by Administration.” The
contract was awarded to F.A. Johnson
Consulting Group, Inc., in the amount
of $225,000 to develop the Master
Plan for North Columbia and $174,800
for the Technical Consultant Agree-
ment. According to the City Council
minutes, the item “was moved to Ex-
ecutive Session for further discussion.
No action taken at this time.”
Must be a coincidence that F.A.
Johnson Consulting donated $1,000
to Coble’s campaign.
Kelly Coleman also says that the
Steven Wilkenson’s architecture firm
won a $2.3 million bid to finish work
(late night after your saturday night out)
Viewpoints 17
on the Convention Center and ques-
tions the amount and whether this was
a no bid contract. Temple Lingon, a
Free Real
Estate &
reporter known for his comprehensive
reporting on city politics is also re-
searching these allegations, and, ac-
cording to Coleman, plans to file an
official complaint with the city.
Mayoral candidate Kevin Fisher
has been talking about the problem
with no bid contracts throughout his
Auto Ads
campaign and cited the same firm
at
Coleman raised questions about,
“There’s been so many no bid con-
tracts with Stevens & Wilkenson since
Coble’s been mayor it is disturbing and
shocking and is the antithesis of good
government,“ Fisher said.
Mayor Bob Coble was unavailable
for comment as of press time.
postlocal.
“There is a lot of cronyism in this
com
city,” Coleman said. “We may need
to bring federal and state acquisi-
tion guidelines to the city in order to
change that.”
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
Viewpoints Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006 18

Three Rivers Music Fest

– The Sound of Sucking
There’s a very scary trend in Co-
lumbia these days. Private foundations
are set up to shield the use of taxpayer
money under the guise of development
and progress. After all, the government
knows how to spend our money better
than we do, right?
Since 2000, the Three Rivers Mu-
sic and Heritage Foundation has used
over a million of taxpayer dollars for a
festival that’s failure rate guarantees it
will continue to lose money. Every year.
In the interest of open government,
Columbia City Paper filed a Freedom of
Information Act (FOI) request for the to-
tal amount of funding provided by tax-
payers, as well as salary information for
staff including Executive Director of the
Three Rivers Music and Heritage Foun-
dation, Virginia Bedford.
Since Three Rivers is funded exclu-
sively with city money and is a private
organization acting on be half of a pub-
lic entity, the foundation is subject to
South Carolina’s open records law.
Exactly how much taxpayer money
has been wasted will not be known until
Three Rivers coughs up the information
within the 15 business days required by
law.
Tameika Issac Devine
So why would City Council keep
putting on a festival that loses thou-
sands of taxpayers dollars every year?
By Paul Blake
In an e-mail obtained by Columbia City
Paper, Bedford wrote to a city council
candidate, “I was very involved in Ta-
meika [Devine’s] campaign in 2001-
2002,” and “We were able to raise
around $30,000 before the election and
the rest was raised after she won.”
When questioned about her mo-
tives as festival director, Bedford wrote,
“My goal is to make the festival strong
enough financially so I can retire again
like I did when I sold my legal business
in 1995.”
Bedford revealed her close ties to
sitting members of City Council when
she addressed the candidate’s inten-
tion to run.
“As for you thinking about run-
ning for City Council against Tameika
or Sam or Coble.... Several people you
have talked to called me and laughed
about it. They wouldn’t say that to your
face- but that is what they think. You
shouldn’t believe anyone will support
you against a sitting member of council
until they write you a check and it clears
the bank. Keep in mind the name of
everyone who contributes to your cam-
paign must be sent to the State Elec-
tion Board and anyone can get the list
of contributors. That’s just one reason
why incumbents have such an advan-
tage. If you do decide to run – I pre-
dict you will lose both the election and
$25-$50,000 of your own money,” she
wrote.
These e-mails reveal the relation-
ship between City Council and the Ex-
ecutive Director of Three Rivers Music
and Heritage Foundation.
Bedford admittedly helped get Ta-
meika Issac Devine on city council.
Questions remain about the relation-
ships Mayor Coble and City Council
members have with big time develop-
ers and how this affects the decisions
they make with your taxpayer money,
such as continuing a failed festival.
There is nothing transparent about our
current local government, but one thing
should be crystal clear – it’s time to
clean house on April 4.
letters@columbiacitypaper.com

The Mayor’s Race: A bull$#!t analysis of the candidates

Bob Coble – When Coble is talking he
looks like the talking large-mouth bass
you buy at Wal-Mart. When he’s not
talking, he looks like the talking large-
mouth bass you buy at Wal-Mart on
mute. What you have to know about
Bob Coble is that he’s a proud Demo-
crat. He’ll even tell you that to your
face. He’ll even tell you to your face
in Columbia. That’s Columbia, South
Carolina. In my book that means Bob
Coble has some balls. Another thing
people want you to know about Mayor
Bob is that he has a hard time saying
“no,” to spending money. Like a lot
of money. Like your money. Ground-
breakings here, construction there,
sewer stuff over here, new parking
garage there, and on and on ad projec-
By Corey Hutchins
tus-pot-hole-us, orange-cone-vomitus.
He’s also been the mayor for 16 years.
That’s since, like, when communism
was still cool in parts of Europe. So if
you’re a fan of how things are currently
going, vote for Coble. If you want a
change, are pissed off, disillusioned or
going out of business, then check out
door numbers two and three and blah,
blah, blah. When we asked Coble to
submit four horoscopes for a previous
issue of City Paper he did which we
thought was cool, but we only talked
to someone on his behalf and never
Coble himself.
Joe Azar – Joe Azar is a family man.
Kind of. Well, not really. He’s not mar-
ried but he does live with his mom.
But that’s not really fair; besides we’re
not The State. What you need to know
about Joe Azar is that he has a lot of
ideas. A whole lot of them. Joe Azar
knows the issues and he wants you to
know them too. As far as accessibility
is concerned Joe Azar can’t be beat.
Azar is also all about small businesses,
killing parking meters, ending govern-
ment corruption and bringing politics
down to street level. When we asked
all the mayoral candidates to submit
four horoscopes Azar was the easi-
est to reach and submitted his first.
If Azar is running on the platform of a
executive he is trying to “buy the vote.”
“city that leads, not follows” and the But come on, we all live in America
claim that he will be the “most accessi-
and know that advertising and money
ble mayor ever,” so far his consistency have nothing at all to do with elections.
has been on the mark.
What else can I say about Fisher?
Not too much. I’ve seen him debate
Kevin Fisher – What you need to against Azar and Coble, I’ve seen his
know about Kevin Fisher is that he’s
television ads and on billboards while
smaller in real life than he looks on the I wait at stoplights, but I really don’t
billboards. Except, maybe his head is
remember anything about him except
about the right size. Kevin looks like that he said he’s a political indepen-
a child actor who never grew up and
dent and he parts his hair well.
is trying to play a part on “The West
Wing.” A lot of people have made the
claim that because he’s an advertising letters@columbiacitypaper.com
 citypaper March 31, 2006
VACUUM PACKED, SHRINKWRAPPED AND
FULL OF PRESERVATIVES
A Growing Gap Between Raw and Packaged News Destroys Credibility
By Tedd Rall
NEW YORK--Hurricane Katrina survi-
vors’ shocking testimony to Congress
about their abuse at the hands of federal
troops and local police ought to have
been one of the biggest news stories
ever. What happened instead--and what
didn’t happen--is a perfect illustration
of the widening gap between raw and
packaged news, and why 66 percent of
Americans don’t believe what they read
in the paper.
There it was, right there on CNN the
afternoon of December 6. Ishmael Mo-
hammed, an attorney for the People’s
Hurricane Relief Fund, quoted a young
woman named Denise, talking about
her experience in the New Orleans Su-
perdome: “The National Guard did not
serve or protect. They were constantly
threatening us and herding us by ma-
chine guns like cows. I saw a teenage
boy beaten up by a National Guard of-
ficer in front of a crowd of thousands
of people.” Denise confirmed accounts
of “white and Asian tourists... rushed
quietly out one side of the barricade
that held thousands of exhausted, fi-
nancially underprivileged black families
with babies.” Tammy, a thirtysomething
African-American woman who was at-
tempting to escape the city by car, said
police stopped, arrested and jailed her
and her two daughters for weeks. “Lie
down on the ground, you black monkey
bitch,” she claims one of them yelled.
Patricia Thompson, a 53-year-old New
Orleans evacuee, testified that soldiers
aimed their machine gun target lasers at
her granddaughter’s forehead, and that
New Orleans cops routinely spat racist
insults at storm victims. Others spoke of
looting and gratuitous murder by police
gone berserk.
Congressman Chris Shays (R-CT),
who was apparently not in New Orleans
during Katrina, nevertheless called these
Americans liars. “I just don’t frankly be-
lieve it,” he said. When a witness referred
to brutality at the “Causeway concen-
tration camp,” Jeff Miller (R-FL) tried to
shut her up. “Would you be offended if
I respectfully asked you not to call the
Causeway area a concentration camp?”
“I am going to call it what it is,” she
retorted.
19
“Not a single person was marched had used to cheat during the 2004 pres- packaged news causes citizens to feel
into a gas chamber and killed,” Miller idential debate. And the choice of the increasingly alienated from their media,
clarified. particular reporter assigned to write a government and one other.
Amazing stuff. But if you weren’t story determines whether it withers on At a talk at a high school in New Jer-
watching cable news that afternoon, the vine or lives to see a follow-up. sey, I mentioned the Katrina hearings as
you probably missed it. Network news Corporate consolidation of the media, an example of news that I had chosen
buried the Congressional hearings on such as the $6.5 billion acquisition of not to discuss in my cartoons because
Katrina; so did the next day’s papers. Knight-Ridder by the California-based too few readers would know what I was
The New York Times never covered it. McClatchy group, has led to shrinking talking about. One girl, who had stayed
Only three groups of people know that news budgets and the duplication of home sick that day, had watched the
New Orleanians drowned because they news and features between co-owned Katrina hearings. Two others, both Af-
were too terrified to leave their homes, outlets, which reduces costs. Syndica- rican-American, had heard about them.
after watching their neighbors shot by tion and the shrinking number of news As the four of us talked about what had
rampaging police officers and national publications contribute to a blandifica- happened in New Orleans, in plain sight
guardsmen: New Orleanians, people tion effect. Print and broadcast media at the time and later related under oath
who have talked to them, and those packagers face an ever-shrinking “news on cable television, the other students
who watch CNN while everyone else is hole.” Meanwhile, international expan- stared blankly, left out, bewildered. They
at work. As far as the rest of America is sion of foreign wire services and the wondered why they had never heard
concerned, these atrocities never oc- spread of the Web are increasing the that cops had murdered civilians just for
curred. available quantity of raw news. There is fun, and so did we.
News in its purest form is what you more news with fewer places to go. And
see or experience firsthand, and it can- the more that the raw news gets cut, the
not be spun. No one, for example, will less the packaged news looks like real- letters@columbiacitypaper.com
ever be able to convince me that the ity.
homeless fare evader I saw beaten half The growing gap between raw and
to death in the 103rd Street subway sta-
tion was resisting arrest. But pure news
is rare. For most media consumers,
raw news is what the media packages Lonely Breakfast?
relatively lightly: wire service stories, live
Congressional hearings, C-SPAN.
Packaged news, on the other hand, is
heavily filtered through legions of editors,
Meet The One @ postlocal.com
producers and reporters themselves.
Your local newspaper’s chief editors
meet each morning in order to decide
what’s worth covering. Dozens of wire
service stories, on sports and business
and politics and culture, fail to make the
cut. Editors assign reporters to follow up
some, but not most, press releases. Re-
viewers take on this restaurant and that
book while ignoring numerous CDs that
you might enjoy if you heard of their ex-
istence. Certain editors are brazenly par-
tisan, politically and otherwise, making
choices that reflect their publisher’s or
their own personal tastes. The New York
Times, for instance, doesn’t consider it-
self a “crusading” or “agenda” newspa-
per. That policy prompted Times editors,
worried about affecting the outcome of
the election, to kill a story revealing that
Totally
the mysterious lump in George W. Bush’s Free Personals!
jacket was indeed a transmitter that he
20 citypaper March 31, 2006
Aries
You take the advice from a new men’s magazine in town.
You get a girl liquored up and try to start a fight with her in
order to raise excitement between you both. Let me look
into my blue ball on this one. She ends up thinking you are
an asshole.
Taurus
You think the teacher getting caught having sex with her
student is hot. You think she should get an award but
everyone else thinks she should get jail time. You are a
sick bastard but you are right, she is extremely hot.
HOROSCOPES by Governor Mark Sanford*
Gemini Don’t bother kidding yourself: that swing
hanging in your new girlfriend’s bedroom isn’t for
entertaining her young nephew. Oh, and be very afraid,
Gemini... she won’t be the one sitting in it.
Cancer Stay in law school, Cancer. If you take the
proper avenues you can petition the Supreme Court
to implement castration programs for computer virus
programmers.
Leo
They say real journalism is a dying breed. When you
see the arrival of three new publications that don’t have
content, it reaffirms this belief. Don’t worry, you will get
even in court when you catch them stealing the newspaper
racks that you invested thousands in. Show them there’s
no such thing as a newspaper rack lost and found. This
kind of unethical bull s$!t will only get more amusing from
here.
Virgo
Even though you often forget something as simple as
taking out the trash, you will be both amused and horrified
to discover that twenty years later you can still recite 60%
of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure verbatim”
Libra
Listen to changing of the seasons, Libra. Like a butterfly
emerging from its cocoon, so, too, will your inner Jim
Morrison emerge in full-bearded glory. Throw on a tasseled
suede jacket, drink a quart of bourbon, head to karaoke
Horoscopes
night at Art Bar, and ride those retro bar stools straight into
the freakin’ sun, man!
Scorpio
Get Darla to baby-sit, Scorpio! You done been so good
to Ricky that he sold his snake tank to get y’all tickets to
Kenny Chesney!
Sagittarius
As a write-in candidate, you will lose the next mayoral
race by running a staunch “anti-elderly” ticket. While your
vision of fast moving traffic and speedy checkout lines
is appealing, city council knows there aren’t enough tax
dollars in the budget to fund an internment camp.
Capricorn
You need to be more vigilant, Taurus! You turned your back
for a moment and the shoe gazers snuck synthesizers
back into rock-n-roll. Scarier still, most of them are too
young to remember Jefferson Starship. It’s all (back) down
hill from here.
Aquarius
I went to kiss an Aquarius, but I had to do it sneaking. I
missed her mouth, kissed her nose, and the blooming
thing was leaking!
Pisces
Pisces, baby, please! That thing with Aquarius meant
nothing. It was just a little prediction. Yes, that’s why
Aquarius’ number is in my cell phone! But she ain’t like
you, baby; you’ve got class! Yeah, that’s it, class! Oh
wait... hold on; I have to take this call.
Cartoons Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006 21

THE BOONDOCKS
SELL
THAT
BITCH
AT
POSTLOCAL.
COM
22 Advice Columbia citypaper March 31, 2006
has tried. I have tried. My friends and her
Savage Love friends have tried to talk some sense into
her—but she won’t hear it. She’s planning
a big wedding—for which our parents have
By Dan Savage told her they are not paying—and says
she’s in love with “an older gentleman.”
Dan, is there anything we can do to
prevent her from ruining her life?
My Sister’s Keeper
My 18-year-old sister met a creepy old
Nope.
man (COM) at a dorm party at my sister’s
Your letter is so long, MSK, and I
college. He proposed to her on their first
feel obligated to pound out an equally
date. Our parents were suspicious because
lengthy response, but “nope” covers it.
of the large age difference—COM is older
It’s your sister’s life and you can’t stop her
than they are. My sister also told COM that
from ruining it. You and the parents have
our family is well-off. So our parents hired a
done your due diligence, but any further
private investigator.
attempts to pry your sister away from COM
It turns out that COM is thrice
will only cause her to cling to him more
divorced and has numerous children.
desperately. One day your sister will leave
The PI also uncovered spousal-abuse
the asshole and apologize to you, and the
charges, restraining orders, two dropped
only course of action now is to avoid doing
rape charges, tens of thousands of dollars
anything that pushes that day further into
owed in delinquent child support, a slew
the future.
of canceled credit cards, court judgments
And how do you avoid doing that? By
against him for other unpaid debts, liens
shutting the f#!k up. By allowing your idiot
for unpaid taxes, repossessed cars, a
sister to screw her life up without forcing
foreclosure, several DUIs, plus stalking
her to deny that she’s doing just that. Once
charges. COM hasn’t worked in 10 years
you’ve stopped putting her in the position
and subsists on a small military pension
of having to defend COM, maybe you can
that cannot be garnished to pay his debts
patch things up. And once you’ve patched
or child support. No wonder he wants to
things up, MSK, maybe you can take your
marry my sister!
sister out and get her good and drunk. And
We showed my sister the PI’s findings.
once she’s passed out, maybe you can slip
She denied that any of this information was
an IUD inside her.
true, and is now more determined than
ever to marry COM! My sister will not listen
mail@savagelove.net
to reason. Our parents have tried. The PI
 citypaper March 31, 2006 Crossword 23

“Thirty Thoughts”--my time has just come, too.

JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS by Matt Jones
Across 45 Wall Street events: abbr. 12 Far-from-mainstream labels
1 Word after Tootsie 47 “___ be in England...” (Robert 13 Yoga position called the “one
4 Jackman who’ll play Wolverine in Browning) seat”
a 2007 film 48 He once boasted he would be- 18 Eyeglass frame attachments
8 It touches Tanzania come a millionaire by age 30 22 Competitor
14 Academic basics, casually 52 Kinda dirty-sounding South 24 Timothy Leary’s goddaughter
15 Dairy Queen Blizzard flavor American monkeys Ryder
16 Tons and tons 53 Dazed 27 Small change?
17 John Cusack thriller where the 54 What G. B. Shaw said you have 29 Field formerly home to the
main characters are to turn 30 soon if you aren’t a capitalist by age 30 Brooklyn Dodgers
19 Beach Boys title girl 56 Went off like a smoke detector 30 Webzine based in Seattle
20 Office ___ 57 Corrida beast 31 “They’re out to get me” feeling
21 American author who published 58 When the dog days hit the 33 Solo on the big screen
his first short story at age 30 Dordogne 35 Like tag players, most often
23 President’s tenures, so to speak 59 Fall flowers 36 Loose-fitting sleepwear
24 “OK, now where ___?” 60 Doctor-to-be’s subj. 39 Allowed access for
25 Teacher’s union, for short 61 Distress call 40 Sets in balance
26 Response to “You enjoy the Down 41 100% wrong
game?” 1 Lion packs 42 Response to an early returner
28 Hip scooters 2 Yell behind the lunch counter 43 Part of a boxer’s stats
32 Charlemagne’s dad, known as 3 Ready for anything 44 Half of Ethiopia’s capital
“The Short” 4 Better than sexy, in Internet slang 46 Five, in combinations
33 “Se ____ espanol” 5 Alleged mentalist Geller 49 Gait resembling a canter
34 Blur frontman who sings “And 6 Start to boil 50 Theater follower
the mind gets dirty / As you get 7 Their fight song proclaims: “There 51 They’re represented by “&”
closer to 30” goes old Georgetown” 52 Gait slower than a canter
37 Company that makesThe high-end 8 1980 text adventure that intro- 55 Two cups that don’t make a pint
New York Times Syndication Sales Corporation ©2006 Jonesin’ Crosswords
The New York Times Syndication Sales Corporation
609 Greenwichduced
audio and home theater equipment Street,the
Newline
York, “You
N.Y. were
10014eaten by For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-
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42 Baseball Hall of Famer Casey For Release Monday,
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me!” 2006 For Release Tuesday, April 4, 2006
your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548.
44 IM makers 11 Phallic fruit Reference puzzle #0250.

Edited by Will Shortz No. 0220 Edited by Will Shortz No. 0221
ACROSS 41 “Kidnapped” 67 Square one, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 ACROSS 29 Onetime 56 Ceremony 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
1 Hondaʼs home authorʼs inits. slangily 1 Ones called to Heathrow sight: 57 Get in over
6 Classic shark 42 Web address 14 15 16
an accident, Abbr. oneʼs head? 14 15 16

movie ending DOWN briefly 32 Former 58 Hi

17 18 19 17 18 19
10 Performed an 43 Unexpected 1 “You donʼt know 5 Pic secretary of 59 Opposite of
aria victory ___” 20 21 22 state Powell sans 20 21 22
9 Oval letter with 33 Lumberjackʼs
44 “Make up your 2 Burn soother 60 Tag on a sale
14 Lacking a a line through tool
mind!” 3 Youngsterʼs 23 24 25 item 23 24
partner the middle
47 Gary Cooper mount 34 Holy Roman 61 Provide, as with
15 Toledoʼs lake title role 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 14 Italian money, emperor ___ 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
4 In addition once funds
16 Dark doings 49 Photographerʼs the Great
5 Post- 33 34 35 62 Role 32 33 34
17 Bush cabinet request Renaissance 15 Tramp 35 Occasionally
63 Dish with tuna
member 51 From the top language 36 37 38 39 40 16 Autos, maybe, 39 Items split in and cheese 35 36 37 38
20 Door opener 54 “Dies ___” 6 Expressed after owners soup
21 See 18-Down (hymn) derision 41 42 43 miss their 40 “Much ___ 39 40 41
payments DOWN
22 Like presents 55 Chiang 7 Fight site About Nothing”
44 45 46 47 48 1 “Do it or ___!” 42 43 44 45
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23 Feel aggrieved 2 ___ Cooper
58 What the last set in Oz, with 18 Traitor Aldrich 42 Author Rand
26 Akin (to) 49 50 (car) 46 47
words of 17-, “The” ___ 43 Nitewear
29 Like shopping 3 Math class
23-, 36- and 9 Utters, informally 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 19 Hoover 44 Singer/actress 48 49 50 51 52 53 54
done all in the before calc.
49-Across 10 Typographical competitor Kazan
same place might be 58 59 60 61 4 Clockmaker 55 56 57
embellishments 20 Always 46 Info supplier for Thomas
33 Intestinal 62 Neighbor of 11 Tel ___, Israel a natl. security
bacteria Java 62 63 64 23 Rules, for short 5 Under a 58 59 60
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34 12 months in 63 Victorʼs cry 24 ___ Moines 47 Couch
13 Secluded valley 65 66 67 6 Payment of 61 62 63
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35 Female with a 65 Old radioʼs “___ heartsick Puzzle by Doug Peterson bromine come in all Puzzle by Lisa Wiseman
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36 Hasnʼt a clue 66 Mexican moolah wrote “The e.g.
47 Fine sheepʼs 28 Be bedridden 55 Swindlerʼs aide north of France before West
38 McDonaldʼs 9 Bricklayerʼs tool
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ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE 23 Dutch artist 48 True-to-life 57 “What ___
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE 44 Opportunist of a
39 Fay Vincentʼs 11 Fencerʼs blade 33 Blood-typing 51 Cheese type
S T U D I O R E M A K E S
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successor as 50 LP players 12 Clock sound system
24 Globetrotting 52 Workbench
J U N I O R P A R T N E R S baseball 51 “Mamma Mia” 59 Visible part of A L O N E E R I E E V I L 13 Query 45 Influence
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W A S T E N O T W A N T N O T commissioner quartet an iceberg C O N D O L E E Z Z A R I C E 21 Singer Lopez 46 Bassʼs relative
activist sultanate 53 Demonic
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T R A V I S R E A P S kiln E C O L I A N O E W E 26 Highway through
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S T O O P S A T E E N For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.20 a minute; or, with a R L S O R G U P S E T For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.20 a minute; or, with a
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A G S A W R A P T A N T E 30 Flirt with Y E S O R N O M R D E E D S 28 Rockʼs ___
Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday
S O A P S T R O M E D I E 31 Had title to S A Y C H E E S E Rose
crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS.
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 24 citypaper March 31, 2006
POSTLOCAL.COM
For Sale
Cash Paid for Vitage Guitars
vitageoneguitars.com
Steinways Baby Grand piano.
$21,000.00
Steinways Baby Grand piano.
Mahogany. Excellent condition,
$21,000 OBO. Must
sell due to move.
Jagermeister Machine This
is a Jager chilling machine that
holds three Jager
bottles to convert Jagermeister
to a tap. It’s great for any bar
where alcoholics hang out or
for just getting yourself shit-
faced “Barny style.” It was only
used a couple of times and
we’ve deemed it too danger-
ous to have within our reach if
we want to get anything done.
Get this thing out of our office.
Les Paul Guitar
Beautiful green Epiphone Les
Paul ...wonderful guitar for
beginers or experienced guitar
players alike. I bought this gui-
tar years ago for $600, and am
willing to sell it for half of that.
BUYING Sports memora-
bilia. Old Pro/College rings,
watches, game – used
uniforms, helmets, equipment,
programs, photos and nega-
tives, autographs +
MORE.
Call Mike 254-8448
Personals
M4F From Brooklyn
MOVING TO COLUMBIA
LOOKING FOR A FEMALE
WITH A CAREER, FUNNY AND
UNDERSTANDING
(respond to these free at
postlocal.com)
M4F Something, Anything,
Nothing...and everything in
between. These are our topics
of conversation. So you
can be a little quirky or an
open minded regular Jane. Be
at least cute (You
know whether you are or not.)
and have connecting with a
man on your mind.
DWM
44 seeks 30’s female. Greater
Columbia area.
Christian Young shy
Christian Guy, 23, looking for a
WWW.COLUMBIACITYPAPER.COM
christian girl with a
good heart.
Gal pal looking for gal pal
Looking for pals, and if we hit
it off, even better! email me
and we can meet for lunch
downtown.
W4W WOMEN ONLY
Looking for Women for casual
friendship, telephone friends,
or more. Diamonds
is 4 u!!!!!
DWM 44 seeks 30’s female.
Something, Anything, Noth-
ing....... - Greater Columbia
......and everything in be-
tween. These are our topics of
conversation. So you can be a
little quirky or an open minded
regular Jane. Be at least cute
(You know whether you are or
not.) and have connecting with
a man on your mind.
M4F Close your eyes,
... close the door.
You don’t need to worry any-
more. I’ll be you baby tonight.
M4F Always attract psychos?
- Lexington . Well you can
either resign yourself to your
Check out the updated version & official
release of postlocal.com -All ads are free
and you may post anonymously. Free
Personals! Free Classifieds! All brought
to you by Columbia City Paper.
fate, or drop me a line!
Rhino Room:
F4M USC Grad Student - HOSTESS WANTED Hostess Northeast:
Five Points wanted at the Rhino Room. 7904 Springpond Road All
I’m looking for friends to go Apply in person at 807 brick home for only $141,000
out as a group and hang out in Gervais St. in the Vista. Ask for in quiet community.
five points. I love to dance, and Sean. Totally renovated, Call Des-
also love to hang out in sports mond Lewis of Asset
bars and have a few drinks. CCP needs a humor writer to Realty @ 422-7001.
If you’re interested drop me do the zip code crime watch.
a line. All you need is a laptop and
four hours each month. It Musicians
Services usually takes 2 hours each
issue and you’ll be paid for Wanted
your time as well as have
some sweet resume exper
DNA Testing ience being published. Email Saluda Cymbals & Drum
Meds corey@columbiacitypaper.com Works Custom Made Cymbals
803-939-8422 and I’ll send you a police and Drums – We take trade-
Full service drug screening and report for a test run. ins 776-6898 2651-B Shop
Take home testing available. Road.
Employment Housing Bass player for established
jam band . Shows booked.
3BR HOUSE FOR SALE!!!! - Orig. & Dead covers. Call 803-
Servers Needed Chapin. Lovely home w/flowing 446-5747
Apply in person Mon-Fri 2:00- open floor plan. Please contact
4:00pm. my realtor: Christy Duffell-
2930 Devine St. Seguin christy@cdsfinehomes. Automotive
Za’s Brick Oven Pizza com 803-665-2144
‘01 VOLVO S60 Black sedan,
Moe’s Grapevine Italian is Part time work in exchange sunroof, leather, CD, loaded!
hiring for all positions. Exp. for Free rent - USC Campus $13,995. Dyer Volvo/Mercedes
preferred. Apply at FREE rent in exchange for part 803-786-8888
4478 Rosewood Dr. time work around my house.