KASAUTII KUSHAL KI

By- Kushal Banerjee

The WWF has been defeated in the numbers game by ECW and WCW My red eyes well up with water as I forget the fact that I just broke my record of not blinking my eyes for the 2 min 46 sec. The WWF is being decimated in the ringDECIMATED!!! The bland rice and mashed potato dries up on my finger tips. And this crowd is coming alive chanting for Stone Cold A housefly walks over my thumb and joyfully rubs its wings and forearms. Glass breaks.Stone cold music starts. The iris of my eyes broadens to welcome my hero, as I stop breathing. I am so numb with excitement that I dont feel the rest of my body. Stone Cold...Stone ColdStone Coldthe rattle snake is backhe is hitting anything that walks Involuntary muscles stretch a Joker like smile on my face and I feel like Louis Armstrong What a wonderful world I start having strange thoughts I am going to let my dad teach me mathematics even though he scolds me I am going to study in the afternoon as my mother says White rice, masur dal and mashed potato, I love my tasty traditional food, much better than deep fried chicken shown on NDTV good times which I keep on seeing during commercial breaks. My physics teacher scolded me for my own good Suddenly I see.

Black screen with white words on it as I fall down to the cruel world, my eyes changes its focal length i see All characters, names, places, events, procedures of law, medical e.t.c. depicted in this I couldnt read anything further. As I see a sari clad traditional Indian woman who speaks when asked, loves her husband, takes care of her children, takes care of each and every need of her in laws and believes and worships god every day. OhI forgot she also refers to her husband as Mr. so sleeps in designer sari, jewels and has full make up on, lives in huge bungalows, has so much interest in music that after every dialogue and sometimes during also we can hear music. She is always right. Dont forget the old characters, god forbid anything happens to them but the holy goddess of soap opera wont let them die even after 20 years, and whats with the evil character, why do they always wear black sari with black sleeveless blouse, black bindi and bright black kajal. If this is not racism then what is??? The kids are born on the opening episodes and 1 week later they are all grown up but you wont find their grandparents dead or older and please if you think Dev Anand was ever green then you need to get your facts straight because their parents dont even have a single white hair or wrinkle or age mark. The mother looks as young as her son. This is the world of Indian soap operas and the empress is none other than Ekta Kapoor who revolutionalized Indian television and the letter K I wonder if E in Ekta is silent. These Saas bahu serials are very popular and widely watched. The only thing housewives talk about is What happened to Mihir? What will Tulsi do? And how is Baa going to tackle the situation with her experience? Can kumkum save her husband? These soap operas are so popular that they influence the housewives to act like the protagonist of these soaps. Today every saas wants a tulsi in her house who would do as tulsi does on screen, not to forget worship tulsi everyday (the plant of course). After the soap is over all home makers with their soapy wet hands pick up the telephone and start an Analytical and creative discussion

Of the episode. Basically these soaps portray a very foolish and false image of a perfect woman and housewife and unfortunately the Indian woman turns to follow and capture a mirage. It wouldnt be a lie to say that these soaps have destroyed the Indian television which once used to cater TV series like hum log, buniyaad, ek kahani, Karamchand, circus, fauji e.t.c Well I didnt get to see my program because missing one episode of the K soaps would mean half done chapatti along with potato stew which has big chunks of soggy tomato for dinner. After my tasty and mentally satisfying lunch, I (as usual) skip studies and take a nap bunking my chemistry extra class where I havent shown my face for the last 1 month. All characters, names, places, events, procedures of law, medical e.t.c depicted in this realistic program was not meant to be fictitious but now its worse than fantasy. Resemblance of any character to a person is purely impossible but resemblance of a person to the character is cent percent. Any statements comments expressed are not meant to influence your sentiments so you can use it in your own personal life and behave foolishly like the characters on screen. RECAPMy mom in brightly colored designer sari gives sweets to her friends take this, I just completed a religious ceremony for kushal My dad in well ironed designed silk kurta and pajama smiles at Durga idol. (Loud traditional durga puja music) TODAYI see my mom calling me in the house, she opens the door and runs in to introduce me to my own brothers, sisters, grandfather, grandmother, uncle, aunt, she hopes in the house, dances with the members and points at me, at this all the house members greet me with folded arm as if I am some strange old man they have seen for the first time. Mom: Mr. Banerjee what happened, how can our son, the light of Banerjee family fail???

Dad: where did we go wrong.i still rememberB/W scene where I get 1st prize and hug my dad, he was a normal worker then but today he is the chairman of Banerjee house limited.

Kunals mother: Ara ra ra..Kushal was so good in studies, but I know Kunal can never fail (eagle sound effect)
Dad: people would speak of Banerjee familys success but now. Mom: stop it fear the almighty even a small leaf cant move if the god doesnt wish so. (Thunder with weird camera angle)

Kunals mother: mow me and my husband i.e. your husbands half brother who
was lost when he was a child would rule Banerjee house limited. And Kunal is

Kushals half brother, yes thats true. Evil laugh (thunders three times, drum
beats) Mom looking shocked (loud music, bell ringing, jai gurudev, jai gurudev chants) Phew!!! Just a dream Kunal is not my brother. Well tomorrow is the result day, dj vu, I dont know, but one thing is for sure i.e. if Tulsi can unite her family again and if Kumkum can help her husband regain his lost memory in tonights episode then no matter what my mom will be happy and satisfied even if I fail. So I guess my well being and good health is in hands of none other than the goddess of Indian tele soaps (E) Kta Kapoor (where E must be silent).

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