INTERPERSONAL

ATTRACTION
MODULE - 2

Ms. Isha Joshi

• Everyone meets many people. With some, there is a natural fit; with other, there isn't.
Liking a person is quite different from liking chocolate or liking to ski.
• Liking someone implies feelings of warmth, intimacy, and consideration and a desire to
spend time together.
• Everyone uses tactics that are expected to recruit potential partners; the specific tactics
used in presenting oneself, as well as the characteristics an individual looks for in others,
will vary depending on whether what is sought is friendship or love or a good working
partner.
• Even though liking someone is based on many factors that can't always be defined, a
person does know, upon meeting someone, whether he or she is in fact liked. This
perceived liking in turn draws us toward the other (Sprecher and Hatfield 1992).
• Men and women operate differently in the area of choosing people as being attractive.
For example, men are more inclined to reject a person who disagrees with them than are
women and more likely to choose the same type of person as a friend and as a marriage
partner (Lindzay and Aronson 1969).
 Interpersonal attraction is a person's
desire to approach another individual.
Attraction is the
first phase of the most voluntary
relationships.
FACTORS OF
ATTRACTION
1)      Personal Appearance of Attraction:

• Humans are highly visually oriented, which motivates a person to get to know
someone better they find physically attracted to. Humans have always valued and
appreciate physical attractiveness. Throughout history, humans wanted mates that
were more physically attractive.

• Personal appearance plays a role in that people tend to have a want to be surrounded
by others who are physically attractive, which is believed to come from the idea that
attractive people are healthy and are more likely to have healthy children, even if we
don't take this into consideration it is said that we do on a subconscious level.
2)      Proximity of Attraction:
• Firstly,
what does proximity mean? Proximity is how close/near people live or
work and how they interact. Humans are more likely to form friendships and
relationships with others that they see often.
• Indeed,
it is quite understandable that people tend to make bonds with those
who surround them, be that at work or the place they live, mainly just people
whom they see on a regular basis.
• This
traditional factor, however, has been substantially impacted by the modern
technology of communication. The Internet is already making a big impact on
physical proximity. 
• It
has made it very easy to keep in touch with people who are both close and
far away.  With the use of social networking sites, you can even stay posted with
what is going on in people's everyday life, no matter how far away they may be.
3)      Similarity of Attraction:
• Think about your friends or spouse. Think about their personalities, beliefs, experiences, and
interests. Now think about yourself. You probably have a lot in common with them, don’t you?
• We often find people that are similar to us more comfortable and familiar to interact with. It
almost seems as if we already know them from inside and out because of common interests.
Humans find similarity to be attractive because of social validation to find people who are
similar.
4)      Complementary of Attraction:
• There is a saying that says, “Opposites attract.” Why is this though? No one is going to be
exactly the same. Everyone differs in one way or another.
• We attract others that are opposite because we see their differences as complementary.
Complementary refers to as benefits to ourselves because others provide a quality that we
lack.
• The key to this, although, is that the people involved have to see their differences as positive
just to get along. Shy people may be attracted to someone outgoing because that way the shy
person can be more sociable.
5)      Association:
• We tend to associate our opinions about other people with our
current state.  In other words, if you meet someone during a
party you really enjoy, they may get more 'likeability points' then
if you met them during that party you feel bored.
6)      Reciprocal Liking:
• Simply put, we tend to like those better who also like us
back.  This may be a result of the feeling we get about ourselves
knowing that we are likable.  When we feel good when we are
around somebody, we tend to report a higher level of attraction
toward that person.
THEORIES OF INTERPERSONAL
ATTRACTION
Social Exchange Theory
• Social
exchange theory proposes that social behavior is the result of an
exchange process. The purpose of this exchange is to maximize benefits and
minimize costs.
• Accordingto this theory, developed by sociologist George Homans, people
weigh the potential benefits and risks of social relationships. When the risks
outweigh the rewards, people will terminate or abandon that relationship.
• Most relationships are made up of a certain amount of give-and-take, but
this does not mean that they are always equal. Social exchange suggests that
it is the valuing of the ​benefits and costs of each relationship that determine
whether or not we choose to continue a social association.
Costs vs. Benefits in the Social Exchange Process
• Costs involve things that you see as negatives such as having to put money, time, and
effort into a relationship. For example, if you have a friend that always has to borrow
money from you, then this would be seen as a high cost.
• The benefits are things that you get out of the relationship such as fun, friendship,
companionship, and social support. Your friend might be a bit of a freeloader, but he
brings a lot of fun and excitement to your life. As you are determining the value of
the friendship, you might decide that the benefits outweigh the potential costs.
• Social exchange theory suggests that we essentially take the benefits and subtract
the costs in order to determine how much a relationship is worth. Positive
relationships are those in which the benefits outweigh the costs while negative
relationships occur when the costs are greater than the benefits.
Expectations and Comparison Levels
• Cost-benefits analysis plays a major role in the social exchange process, but so do
expectations.
• As people weigh the benefits of a relationship against the costs of the relationship, they
do so by establishing a comparison level that is often influenced by social expectations
and past experiences.
• If you have always had poor friendships, your comparison levels at the start of a
relationship will be much lower than a person who has always had a close-knit circle of
supportive and caring friends.
• For example, if your previous romantic partner showered you with displays of affection,
your comparison level for your next relationship is going to be quite high when it comes
to levels of affection. If your next romantic partner tends to be more reserved and less
emotional, that person might not measure up to your expectations.
Evaluating the Alternatives
• Another aspect of the social exchange process involves looking at the possible alternatives.

• After analyzing the costs and benefits and contrasting these against your comparison levels,
you might start to look at the possible alternatives.

• The relationship might not measure up to your comparison levels, but as you survey the
potential alternatives, you might determine that the relationship is still better than anything
else that is available.

• As a result, you might go back and reassess the relationship in terms of what may be now a
somewhat lower comparison level.
The Honeymoon Phase
• The length of a friendship or romance can also play a role in the social exchange
process.
• During the early weeks or months of a relationship, often referred to as the
"honeymoon phase," people are more likely to ignore the social exchange balance.
• Things that would normally be viewed as high cost are dismissed, ignored, or
minimized while the potential benefits are often exaggerated.
• So what happens when this honeymoon period finally comes to an end? In many
cases, there will be a gradual evaluation of the exchange balance.
• Downsides will become more apparent and benefits will start to be seen more
realistically.
• This recalibration of the exchange balance might also lead to the termination of the
relationship if the balance is tipped too far toward the negative side.
Limitation
• Social exchange theory has been criticized for focusing
too much on the individual's perspective and ignoring
the social aspects of a relationship, such as how partners
communicate and interpret shared events. The main
criticism focuses on the selfish nature of the theory.
Equity Theory
• Equity Theory states that humans have a natural tendency to maintain equity in their
social relationships. Equity is a sense of fairness in the exchange of goods, services,
time, and effort.
• Relationship partners will try to balance their own cost/benefit ratios to avoid getting
a raw deal in the relationship as well as to avoid shortchanging their partner.
• For example, if you feel a friend has been overly generous in doing favors for you, you
may buy them a present to reduce your feelings of imbalance and to make the
friendship feel more “even.”
• Equity Theory suggests that partners are concerned about fairness in relationships.
Fairness is achieved when people feel they get approximately what they deserve from
relationships.
• Equity theory proposes the winning formula of fairness in relationships: one partner’s
benefits minus their costs, should equal another partner’s benefits minus their costs.
• If one partner perceives a relationship as unfair, they are going to be dissatisfied with it
regardless of whether they are over-benefitting or under-benefitting. According to the
Equity Theory, a person who gets more benefits out of relationships than they put in
will feel guilt and shame, and those who think they put a lot in but get very little back
will be angry and resentful. The longer this feeling of unfairness (lack of equity) goes on,
the more likely a  couple is to break up.
• Equity doesn’t mean equality, though. It is not about the number of rewards and costs,
but rather about the balance between them; if a person puts a lot into a relationship
and receives a lot, it will feel fair to them.
• Moreover, perception of equity changes over time. For example, it is perfectly normal
for many people to put in more than they receive at the beginning of a relationship, but
if it carries on like that for too long, it will lead to dissatisfaction.
• Finally, a partner’s way of dealing with inequity also changes with time. What seemed
unfair in the beginning may become a norm as relationships progress, or the partner
who gives more may start working even harder on the relationship until the balance is
restored.