Person

al
RELATIONSHIP
 Introduction
• People may have learned how to smile or
greet each other.
• This interaction was necessary for their
survival where an individual belonged.
• The relationships that are nurtured ina group
help each and every one of us survive.
 How do we define relationship?
• According to Merriam-Webster, relationship is “the
way in which two or more people, groups, countries,
etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each
other.”
• There are many types of relationships depending on
the nature of interaction that exist between two or
more entities.
• Every relationship has specific objectives or purpose
that a person wishes to pursue, either because of
need, want and desire.
 What is personal relationship?
• This is a type of relationship which is closely
associated with a person and which can only
haved meaning to this person.
• It also involves a degree of commitment to
another person or persons.
 How are attachments developed?
• The very first meaningful relationship every
human being encounters is with one’s mother.
• There is an intimacy that is nurtured during
the nine months of preganancy and it will be
enhanced and developed further after the
birth of the child.
• Bonding occurs between mother and child.
 Rozenberg Quarterly
• Quotes a research finding by Bowlby (1982)
that our succeeding relationships in the
future are all shaped to a large extent by our
attachment to our parents.
Three attachment styles by Ainsworth, Blekar,
Waters, and Wall (1978)
• Secure Attachment
• Avoidant Attachment
• Anxious-ambivalent Attachment
 Secure Attachment
• It is when the primary caregiver is most of the
time present and available and when all the
emotional needs of an infant are met,
providing a sense of security to the infant.
• Chances are, a child who is exposed to this
style of attachment will grow up to have more
secure and stable relationship.
 Avoidant Attachment
• It is when the prinmary caregiver is cold and detached,
and even unresponsive to a child’s needs.
• The child senses rejection and this often leads to
premature detachment and self-reliance.
• A person who experienced this style of attachment in
infancy and childhood will oftentimes experience
unstable relationships in the future.
• The person given this style of attachment will usually
avoid getting into meaningful relationships when they
reach adulthood.
 Anxious-ambivalent Attachment
• It is when the primary caregiver is not
consistent in terms of presence and in meeting
a child’s emotional needs.
• A person who experienced this style of
attachment in childhood may develop
separation anxities with a loved one.
• They may also have mixed feelings between
hesitancy and commitment when entering into
meaningful relationships.
 What drives attraction?
• When attraction between two persons is
discussed, it is often understood as based on
physical appearance.
• In the British Broadcasting Company (BBC),
Human Body and Mind, attraction is the first
stage in a continuum of stages that leadt to
intimacy and commitment.
 Three stages of falling in love
by Helen Fisher
• LUST- It is driven by the sex hormones,
testosterone, and estrogen. These hormones affect
both sexes.
• ATTRACTION- is described as the lovestruck phase.
• ATTACHMENT- when the couple in love decides to
continue with the relationship, they enter the
attachment stage where long-lasting commitments
are exchanged and may lead to raising family.
• Attraction also invloves our unconcious
assessment of another person’s genes through
their physical appearance. These genes are
usually determinants of good health that will
also produce healthy children.
• Pheromones- it is an odorless chemical found
in urine and sweat, and can only be detected
through an organ as the nose, are also involved
in the assessment of a future mate.
The Rozenberg Quarterly mentions several theories and
results related to attraction and liking, these are:

• Transference Effect
 there are times we meet people who we
immediately like or dislike
• Propinquity Effect
 when we often develop a sense of familiarity
with people who live close to us, work with us,
which leads us to liking them more
• Similarity
 when we often like people who have similar
beliefs and values as ours, and even our social
class background, religious beliefs, age, and
education
• Reciprocity
 when we often like people who like us back
and this is a stronger basis for liking another
person than similarity
• Physical Attractiveness
 is a major factor in liking someone, and
usually, first impression counts a lot
• Personality Characteristics and Traits
 People get attracted to two characteristics
that lead to liking the other person, including:
Empathic Persons- who exude warmth and
sympathy and who are also optimistic and
maintain positive views
 What is LOVE?
• From the point of view of personal development, it is
important to have an understanding of the various
concepts of love, and how these can influence the
development of a person
• Love is a strong feeling of affection and concern toward
another person, as that arising from kinship or close
friendship.
• It is a feeling of devotion o adoration toward God or a god.
• It is sexual desire or activity: the pleasure of love; a night
of love
Robert Stenberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Three Components:
1.) Intimacy
 Being intimate with another person is about
being open and vulnerable to that person
whom we deeply trust, who we feel
connected with, and who values us with
unconditional positive regard.
2.) Commitment
 An act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by
agreements made with another person, entity, or
cause, and where the values of integrity and respect
serve as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking.
3.) Passion
 It is the intense state of being that drives and
consumes a person to pursue an interest, a vision, or
a person.
• Psychologists have conducted research on
commitment and have identified three
variables related to Rozenberg Quarterly:
1.) Accumulation of all rewards of the
relationship- considered as the most important
determinant of satisfaction in a relationship and
rewards of the relationship.
2.) Temptation of alternative partners- the
presence of possible alternatives for another
partner can rock the relationship and destabilize
the commitment of a couple.
3.) Investments made by the couple in the
relationship- are also important in maintaining
commitment, these may include time spent
together, common beliefs and experiences and
bearing children.
• As there are variables involved in
strengtheningand maintaining a commitment,
there are also spoilers to it.
1.) Criticism- this happens when there is the
absence of unconditional positive regard for
each other in a relationship.
2.) Denial of the existence of conflict- when one
party eludes the presence of a problem and refuses
to discuss it, as if belittling the problem and results
to frustration.
3.) Contempt- like criticism, comtempt is present
when someone who looks down on the party as
inferior does not give unconditional positive regard,
and aggravates the situation by expressing
superiority over the other.
 Important responsibilities that are necessary in a
relationship to make it flourish and stay beneficial

• Be responsible for what you think and say to

the other person.
• Be responsible for what you promise to do or
not do.
• Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.
• Respect the other party or parties involved.
• Be ready to provide support when needed.