THEN TO BE

UNDERSTOOD
 FORMS OF COMMUNICATION
1. Speaking

2. Reading

3. Writing

4. Listening
• Communication is the most
important skill in life.
• We learn to speak, read and write.
• But what about
listening?
 There is no training or
education that enables you to
listen.
 If you want to interact effectively
with the other person, to influence
that person
then you first need to understand that
person.

And you cannot do that with

technique alone.
 If that person sense that you are applying
some techniques, duplicity and manipulation.
At that moment that person would not feel
safe to open himself or herself up to you.
 Character & Communication
• Your character is constantly radiating;
communicating.
• So if you want to be really effective in the
habit of interpersonal communication then you
need the skill of EMPATHIC LISTENING on
a base of character that inspires openness and
trust.
• We typically seek first to be understood.
• Most people do not listen with the intent
to understand.
• They listen with the intent to reply.
• They’re filtering everything through their
own life long paradigms.
WE LISTEN BY:
1- IGNORING

2- PRETENDING

3- SELECTIVE HEARING

4- ATTENTIVE LISTENING
Instead Stephen Covey says that a
person should learn to get better
at EMPATHIC LISTENING
• Empathic Listening is listening with the intent
to “UNDERSTAND”
• STEP INSIDE THE OTHER’s SHOES
• How would you feel if an optician
gave you new spectacles without
a proper eye test
• We get into the mind of the
other person
• We deal with the reality inside
his or her mind as well as the
heart
• We see the world the way he or
she sees the world
• We understand his or her
paradigms
• We understand how he or she
feels
• Empathic Listening is
• Listening with our
ears
• Listening with our
eyes
• And Listening with
our hearts
• We listen for Feelings,
Meanings, Intentions
• We try to Feel, Sense, Intuit
• The essence of Empathic
Listening is not that you have to
agree with someone.
• It’s that you understand that
person intellectually and
emotionally
 So the message that needs to be
taken from this habit is that use
EMPATHIC LISTENING to be
truly effective in your relationships
 SO WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF
EMPATHIC LISTENING?

 Leads to real communication

 Higher and stronger form of listening
 You tend to watch the body language more
closely
 You notice feelings reflected in their voice
 Listen to what is not said
 Seeking to be Understood
• Recall maturity is balancing
consideration and courage.
• Seeking to understand requires
“consideration”
• To be understood takes “courage”
 Seeking to be Understood
• Ethos: Inspire trust in your
audience
• Pathos: Your alignment with
emotions of the listener
• Logos: Reasoning
 Seeking to be Understood
• First your character
• Second your relationship
• Third logic of your presentation
 Seeking first to Understand
• Allows you to expand your “Circle of Influence”

• To be understood is your “Circle of Concern”

• If you first seek to understand, expanding your
“Circle of Influence”, people are more likely to
understand you.
• PRINCIPLE:
–To communicate
effectively, we have to
first understand each
other.
• PARADIGM:
–Ineffective: I listen intending
to reply.
–Effective: I listen intending to
understand.
• BEHAVIOUR:
–Diagnose before you counsel
–Listen empathically
–Seek to be understood from
the other’s viewpoint.
• RESULT:
–Greater influence with others
–Solutions to complex problems
–Clarity on real issues
–Faster problem solutions.