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In America
Before the engagement?
Before a couple starts planning a wedding, they need to
have some serious conversations about life goals, to make
sure they are both on the same path. If couples don’t
share compatible feelings on major topics, they may not
be suited to marriage. When approaching a serious
commitment, people must think with their heads, as well
as their hearts:
A.Roles of friends and family
B.Views on religion
C.Career plans
D.Financial planning
E.Leisure time
F.Views on having children and parenting
G.Housekeeping standards and expectations
H.Roles of each person in a marriage relationship
What is an engagement?
An engagement is a promise to marry… a
public statement or announcement of a
couple’s intentions to wed. A betrothal. It is
the period of time between a ‘proposal of
marriage’, and the actual marriage.
The future bride-to-be is called the fiancée;
the future husband-to-be is called the fiancé
(both words pronounced the same in French).
Engagements may be a long or
short period of time.
Engagements may be
announced at an engagement
party hosted by the bride’s
parents, or with a photo and
announcement in the
newspaper, or by word of mouth.
What is an engagement?
It is customary for the American
man to propose marriage to a
woman, by offering her the gift of
an engagement ring. While this
could be a gem stone or birthstone,
it is traditionally a diamond ring.

CARAT: Refers to ‘size’ of the gem; 1 carat = 0.2 grams.

COLOR: Colorless diamonds emit more sparkle and fire; blue,
green, and yellow diamonds are rare and very expensive
CLARITY: identifying characteristics on (blemishes) and within
(inclusions) the stone
CUT: The angles and finish of the stone lead to its brilliance

DON’T FORGET COST: Love cannot be measured by the

amount of money spent on an engagement ring; a good rule of
thumb is… do not exceed ‘2 months salary’
Calling off the engagement? It’s easier to call off
a wedding than to go
Historically , when a man through a divorce.
backed out of the wedding after
he had proposed marriage and
the woman had accepted, she
was entitled to file a suit for
damages for the embarrassment
of the broken engagement.
Such lawsuits for ‘breach of
promise’ were gradually
outlawed in various states and
no longer exist.
Law suits do still exist in some of these cases, however. The jilted
‘bride’ can file a civil suit, to recover any costs she may have
already incurred… such as the cost of a dress, the rental of a
reception hall, the down payment to a caterer, etc. Any gifts she
has received from the groom-to-be, including an engagement ring,
are hers to keep. (family heirlooms, however, must be returned)
What is marriage?
Matrimony; wedlock; marriage. By
dictionary definition, marriage is a
legally recognized relationship,
established by a civil or religious
ceremony, between two people who
intend to live together as sexual and
domestic partners. Each partner is
known as the ‘spouse’ of the other.

Marriage is often
defined differently,
depending on
culture.
What is marriage?
Monogamy is the custom or
condition of having only one
mate. The word "monogamy"
comes from the Greek word
monos, which means one or
alone, and gamos, which
means marriage or union.
The term monogamy,
however, may also be applied
to a couple who are not
formally married, but maintain
an exclusive sexual
relationship.

Polygamy is a term that refers

to multiple marriages, such as
multiple women married to
one man or multiple men
What is marriage?

To be defined as a common law marriage within the states

that allow it, the two people must: agree that they are
married, live together (sometimes for a minimal amount of
time, such as 7 years), and present themselves as husband
and wife. Nebraska does not recognize common law marriage
except for the legal division of property after a
separation/divorce. Some states still do recognize common
law marriages. They are a ‘valid marital relationship without
the legal marriage ceremony.
 Cohabitation … Cohabitation is the decision by couples to
live together without the legal contract of
marriage to bind them. These couples
must deal with the same issues of
commitment as married couples: fidelity
and permanence.

Playing house?

Research and statistics show that:

Cohabitating couples are more likely
than married people to have affairs
outside the relationship.
Although the majority of cohabitating
(heterosexual) couples plan to marry,
only about 1/3 of them actually do.
Divorce is more likely for couples who
lived together prior to marriage.
Studies show that cohabitation before
marriage has negative consequences.
Wilson & Daly 2001; Qu & Weston
2001; Nock 1995; Cohan &
Kleinbaum 2002, CDC 2002
Just 55% of Americans approve of
men and women living together
without being married. - Gallup. 2007.
Staying single …
The number of adults choosing not to
marry or cohabitate is increasing.
1970… men over 40… 4.9% had never
been married; women was 6.3%
2010… men over 40… 20.4% had never
been married; women was 13.8%

Disadvantage of staying single:

- It is a more expensive way to live
Reasons given for staying single:
-Unable to find a suitable partner
- Can enjoy intimate relationships
without the constraints of marriage
- Do not want to be ‘trapped’ by a
mate who stands in the way of personal
or career development or independent
financial decisions
- Do not want to have children
 Deciding to marry …
The age at which adults are marrying is
increasing. The median (middle point) age for
a man's first marriage was 28.2 years in 2010,
up from 26.1 in 1990. The median age for a
woman's first marriage was 26.1 years in
2010, up from 23.9 in 1990.
According to the federal
government's General Accounting
Office (GAO), more than 1,100 rights
and protections are conferred to U.S.
citizens upon marriage. Areas
affected include Social Security
benefits, veterans' benefits, health
insurance, Medicaid, hospital
visitation, estate taxes, retirement
savings, pensions, family leave, and
immigration law.
Mixed marriages … Parents, extended families, communities
and social institutions sometimes frown
upon ‘mixed’ marriages.

A mixed marriage may be inter-faith,

inter-racial, inter-nationality, or even
two people from different social or
economic backgrounds.
Mixed marriages … Marriage usually requires some
compromise, but mixed marriages may
require even more problem-solving.
Some issues may seem insignificant;
others may be overwhelmingly difficult.
For example:

Is this a problem?
If a Muslim
marries a
Protestant, can
they ever serve
pork in their home?
(Muslims consider
pork as ‘unclean’;
they cannot touch
or eat it)
Mixed marriages …
Marriage usually requires some
compromise, but mixed marriages
require even more problem-solving.

Is this a problem?

A Methodist husband
wants his child baptized
as an infant, so if the
child dies prematurely,
he will go to heaven.

The Baptist wife insists

that they wait until the
child is about 12 years
old, and completes
religious instruction.
Mixed marriages …
Is this a problem?
If a Lutheran
marries a
Catholic, will they
attend the same
church? How will
their children be
raised? As a
Catholic, they
might pray to
Mary; as a
Lutheran they
would only pray to
God or Christ.
Mixed marriages …
Is this a problem?

An African-American wife goes

to her family’s home alone,
because they won’t allow her
Caucasian husband in the
house.

OR
An African-American wife
never sees her parents again,
because they won’t allow her
Caucasian husband in the
house.
Mixed marriages …

Is this a problem?
A United States father-in-law tells everyone that his Italian son-
in-law is probably a crime boss… because he believes ALL
Italians are in the Mafia. He makes Italian jokes and uses slurs.
Mixed marriages …

Is this a problem?
A woman from a very wealthy family wants to marry a man who
was raised in poverty. She is used to an active social life of
debutant balls and 8 course dinners; his idea of an evening out is
‘hamburgers at a fast food place’. She is used to limousines; he
drives a 15 year old, rusty Chevy. She dresses up in long gowns
and heels; he dresses up in corduroy pants and a polo shirt.
Do you know how your
parents and other family
members would react if
YOU entered into a
mixed marriage?

Are there some types of

mixed marriages that they
would not accept, and others
that they would?
Same sex marriages … In 1996, the Defense of Marriage Act
(DOMA) became federal law,
defining marriage as the legal union
of one man and one woman for
federal and inter-state recognition
purposes in the United States.
DOMA allows each state to choose
whether or not to recognize a same-
sex union that is recognized in
another state. DOMA is under-
going many court challenges.

Nebraska State law limits

marriage to relationships
between a man and a woman.
Nebraska currently gives no
spousal rights to any gay or
lesbian domestic partnerships
or civil unions.
Types of weddings…
A couple whose groom is enlisted
in the Armed Forces may have a military wedding in which the
groom wears his uniform. A military wedding is considered a
formal wedding and guests should dress formally.

Oftentimes, the groom's

guests will also be in the
armed forces and will
wear their uniforms as
well. If the ushers are
active duty servicemen,
they may traditionally
form an "arch of steel"
with their swords or
sabers, for the married
couple to pass through at
the conclusion of the
ceremony.
Types of weddings …
Destination weddings allow the couple
to completely design their wedding
ceremony to fit the location, usually
Destination weddings
far from home. Options for
have several advantages,
destinations are limitless: a beach,
from getting to spend an
Las Vegas, New York City, nature
extended time with
parks, aquariums, baseball stadiums,
family, to an easy
golf courses, zoos, theme parks, on a
transition to a
boat, in a mansion or castle, historical
honeymoon.
monuments, a winery, or museum.
They can be very
expensive, especially
for the guests who might
be expected to pay their
own lodging and
transportation, but may
be less expensive than
weddings at home due
to smaller numbers of
people invited.
Types of weddings … A couple may choose to be
married at the courthouse or other
location by a judge. This would be
The civil wedding is
considered a civil wedding.
not religious.
Types of weddings …
A double wedding can be a
money-saver, especially if the
two couples share common
friends or family members in
attendance.
A double wedding unites two
couples in a joint ceremony. One
or two officiates may preside over
the weddings. Two sisters or best
friends marrying at the same time
might choose this.
Types of weddings …
The traditional wedding has the
familiar ceremony, which may
be held in a church, garden,
banquet hall, hotel lobby, etc.
Traditional wedding vows are
recited in front of bridesmaids,
groomsmen, family, and friends.
Common practices include
sending out invitations,
flowers, designer dresses,
tuxedos, and limousines. The
traditional wedding is followed
by a reception, which may
vary from a cake and punch
reception to a sit-down dinner.
Dancing and socializing
follow.
Types of weddings …
Some couples choose
an at-home wedding,
especially if their home
is large or if they have
beautiful landscaping or
indoor features and
décor.

The at-home wedding is often

quite small, unless it is
outdoors or large tents can be
set up on the lawn.
Types of weddings … An elopement is a term used for
any marriage performed in haste or
in private or without a public period
of engagement. Some couples
elope because they dislike or
cannot afford an expensive
wedding ceremony, they want to
avoid attention, or wish to avoid
objections from parents or friends.

Some couples return after an

elopement, to announce their
marriage and/or have a belated
wedding reception.
Marriage law … To apply for a Nebraska marriage
license, both the bride and
groom must appear in person at
the time of applying. They must
provide the names of their
parents (including mother’s
maiden name), and your parent’s
birthplaces. If you were
previously married, you must
provide the court date the
marriage was dissolved or the
date of death of former spouse.
You must also provide a picture
ID, and social security number.
You do not need to be a resident of Nebraska. There is no
waiting period, once the license is issued. It is valid for one year.
Nebraska will not issue a marriage license for any applicant
under the age of 17 years. 17 and 18 year olds are considered
minors, and must have the written consent of a legal guardian.
Marriage law … Nebraska Revised
Statutes, 42-108:
Every judge, retired judge,
or clerk magistrate, and
every preacher of the
gospel authorized by the
usages of the church to
which he or she belongs
to solemnize marriages,
may perform the marriage
ceremony in this state.
Every such person performing the marriage ceremony shall make
a report of his or her proceedings, showing the bride and
grooms signatures, and names and residences of at least two
witnesses who were present at such marriage. That report must
be returned to the county clerk who issued the license within
fifteen days after such marriage has been performed. The county
clerk shall record the return or cause it to be recorded in the
same book where the marriage license is recorded.
Wedding traditions … Many couples include folklore or
traditions in their wedding festivities.
Do you know the meaning or
superstitions behind the traditions?
The white wedding dress symbolizes purity.
It is not appropriate for 2nd weddings.
Married in white, you will have chosen right.
Married in grey, you will go far away.
Married in black, you will wish yourself back.
Married in red, you wish yourself dead.
Married in green, ashamed to be seen.
Married in blue, you will always be true.
Married in pearl, you will live in a whirl.
Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow.
Married in brown, you will live out of town.
Married in pink, your fortune will sink.
A bride who makes her own wedding
dress will shed a tear for every stitch
she sews. (tears of joy or sorrow?)
Wedding traditions … A white wedding veil worn over
the face symbolizes virginity.

To wear or carry something old,

something new, something borrowed,
something blue… brings good luck.

According to English lore, it is the best of luck omen for the

bride to find a spider in her gown on her wedding day.
The Greek bride tucked a sugar cube
in her glove, to foretell the sweetness
of the union.
Wedding traditions … Stag parties were first held by
ancient Spartan soldiers, who
kissed their bachelor days
goodbye with a rowdy party.

It is tempting fate for the bride to write out

or sign her married name before her
wedding day… the wedding will not take
place.
The first member of the newlywed couple
to purchase a new item following the
wedding will be the dominant force in the
. J o hn
relationship. Mrs
Wedding traditions … The bride’s father put a penny in
the bride’s shoe to symbolize the
last financial support he would
provide for her, and it was also a
wish for good fortune.

Rings symbolize eternity and

endlessness, because of their
circular shape; a never-ending
marriage. It is worn on the left 3rd
finger, which was once believed
to lead more directly to the heart.
It is considered bad luck to ever remove the ring, drop it on the
floor during the wedding ceremony, or purchase the rings on a
Friday. A tight ring was an omen of jealousy or the stifling
of one spouse by the other; a ring that is too loose
foretold a parting of the ways through acts of
forgetfulness (like forgetting an anniversary, etc.).
Wedding traditions …
Traditionally, the bridesmaids
also wore white dresses, to
confuse the evil spirits so they
wouldn’t know exactly who
the bride was.

The bride’s father walked

her down the aisle and
‘gave her away’. Women
were historically
considered ‘property’, and
the bride’s father was
actually transferring HIS
property to the groom. Now
she would love and obey
her husband.
Wedding traditions …
For the groom to name a ‘best man’
dates back to a time when the
groom actually had to CATCH his
bride. He literally chose the ‘best
man’ of the tribe to help him hunt
for, chase, and catch her.

It is considered bad luck for the groom to

see the bride on their wedding day before
she walks down the aisle. This originated
from the days when marriages were
arranged, and the bride and groom had
literally not MET before the ceremony!
Wedding traditions … Flowers: Orange blossoms
represent purity, chastity, and
fertility. Roses signify love. Avoid
peonies, as they symbolize shame,
or any combination of red and
white flowers which symbolize
blood and bandages.

The Romans extended the tradition of

bouquets to the wearing of garlands and
wreaths. It was also believed that evil spirits
could not harm someone inside a circle.
Wedding traditions …
When the bride throws her
bouquet, the single maid
who catches it will be the
next to marry.
It is NOT, however, a long-
standing tradition for the
groom to throw the wife’s
garter.
An old wives' tale: If the younger of two sisters marries first, the
older sister must dance barefoot at the wedding or risk never
landing a husband.
In Victorian times, it was deemed  unlucky if a woman married a
man whose last name began with the same letter as hers. As
was typical of the times, a little rhyme was created to help
remember the rule:
“To change the name and not the letter
Is to change for the worse and not the better.”
Wedding traditions …
Guests at the wedding used to
shower the bride and groom with
nuts and grains to insure a
bountiful harvest, and many
children to work the land. Rice
replaced that, and symbolized
fertility. Birdseed replaced rice,
because the birds ate it better,
which made for an easy cleanup.
Balloons, bubbles, etc. have
replaced that… due to lawsuits
when people stepped on the
slippery grains on the sidewalks.
Wedding traditions …

It is considered bad luck

for the bride to bake her
own wedding cake.

Cutting the cake… the first act of the couple ‘working together’
Feeding each other cake… caring and
nurturance for each other
Sleeping with a few of the crumbs or small
piece of cake beneath your pillow… dream of
your true love or the person you will marry.
Wedding traditions …
If candles lit on the wedding day sputter and
go out it means those evil spirits are nearby,
waiting to cause mischief.
Rain on your
wedding day is bad
luck. The rain
drops represent the
many tears a bride
will cry throughout
her married life. 

It was considered bad luck for the marriage

if the bride tripped while stepping into their
first home together… thus the custom
arose for the groom to carry the bride over
the threshold.
Wedding traditions … Prior to the invention of metal
bedsprings, you had to tie a
network of knots to form a mesh
to support a mattress. The
expression ‘to tie the knot’ simply
meant to ‘prepare the marriage
bed’. It can also symbolize the
marriage bond.

The bride stands to the groom's left during a Christian

ceremony, because in bygone days the groom needed his right
hand free to fight off other suitors.
Wedding traditions …
Tying cans on back of wedding
car… wards off evil spirits; a car
that won’t start is bad luck.

Marrying when the hands on the clock are on their way down
means your marriage will always be going downhill. It`s
considered far better to marry between the half hour and the
hour, when the hands are moving back up.
Wedding traditions …

Honeymoon… The term "honeymoon" comes

from ancient weddings, where the newly
married couple would drink honey wine for
thirty days after their wedding. Weddings
were only held on a night where there was a
full moon. They drank the honey wine for a
month, thirty days, until the next full moon,
hence the name "honey moon”.
Wedding traditions …
Princess Victoria established the tradition
of playing Wagner's "Bridal Chorus"
during her wedding processional in 1858.
It comes from the 1850 opera Lohengrin,
by German composer Richard Wagner.

Often known as “Here

Comes the Bride”, it is
banned from many
religious services.
Wagner wrote operas with
pagan themes and in this
opera, the song preceded
murder and the wedding
was a failure.
Wedding costs … Wedding Cost Calculator

The average cost of a wedding in

the United States topped $27,000
in 2012. This may vary
depending on venue (ceremony Traditionally, the bride’s family
location), how many guests you pays for the ceremony, all attire,
invite, food, attire, and how many flowers, decorations, gifts for
professionals are involved. bridesmaids, reception venue,
photography, invitations, food,
etc. The groom and groom’s
family pays for the rings, the
bride’s bouquet, gifts for
groomsmen, the pre-nuptial
dinner, the music at the reception
or dance, and the honeymoon.
Today’s bridal couples have exceeded normal monetary limits,
by asking all attendants to pay for their own clothing and
accessories… but this can be a financial hardship on friends.
Wedding guest etiquette … You have received a wedding
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Weddings with ethnic
Many couples prefer weddings with
influences…
ethnic/cultural influences, rather than
more traditional American customs. Here
are just a few examples:

The Chinese bride may wear a

red wedding dress, symbolizing
love and joy.

In some Hispanic weddings, a large rosary or white rope

("laso") is sometimes wound around the couple's shoulders in
a figure-8 symbol of "infinity" during the wedding ceremony to
symbolize their union as one.
Weddings with ethnic
An Italian wedding custom is to present five
influences…
sugar-coated almonds to the guests which
represent health, wealth, long life, fertility, and
happiness.

Some Greek newlyweds wear a crown of

flowers during the wedding ceremony,
and walk around the altar three times
symbolizing the Holy Trinity.

In a Jewish wedding the Groom

stomps on a wrapped wine glass,
breaking it and reminding guests
that love is fragile. The audience
may shout Mazel Tov, and the
Bride and Groom kiss.
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The End